#he’s continuing cycles!!!! he’s being evil!!!! im in love with him!!!

[sarcastic-clapping]

if kendall roy has a million fans i’m one of them. if kendall roy has one fan it’s me. if kendall roy has no fans i am dead.

[powdermelonkeg]

just saw ur gale/mystra analysis post. im new to the game and dnd lore and honestly… ur take on their relationship feels like the most natural/compelling one??? esp since its all too easy to simplify topics that have many facets and nuance….

thanks for sharing i love analysis and reading people’s takes on narratives : D

My pleasure! (Bee from the future here: congrats, you spawned another meta!)

I love complicated characters, WAY more than I like a clear cut-and-dry case. Flaws, to me, are what make a character compelling and lead to interesting stories about them with choices that can get them into situations. I'm both writing a fanfic and running a campaign where I'm playing as Gale, and in the interest of portraying him properly and in-character, I've gone into SUCH a deep dive into all the decisions and facts that make him him.

It helps to, y'know, also be in love with the fictional wizard, but I digress

The thing about Baldur's Gate 3 is that no character in there is perfect. I've seen a couple analyses about the theme of continuing cycles of abuse vs breaking out of them, but in my mind, in terms of the characters themselves, it goes like this:

The origin characters have just come out of the lowest situation of their lives (Lae'zel being the exception; being tadpoled is a gith's worst nightmare. You're seeing that lowest situation in real time).

Not the lowest point, mind. Gale's lowest was probably the day after he got the Orb. Wyll's was probably the day his father cast him out. Karlach's was the day she lost her heart. But the lowest, accepted normal for them is what they've just left.

They're then thrown out of their depth and forced to rely on you to live. That's #1 priority: living. We get the extremes of these characters before we get their nuances, because they're quite literally at their breaking points.

Then once we get to know them, we see their wants, their hopes, their fears, as they open up to us. Every companion's story is at their own pace, but they all have a moment where they ping-pong between despondency and desire. Sometimes that desire is what we know isn't good for them, like Shadowheart wanting to be a Dark Justiciar. Sometimes that despondency is only for a flicker, like Astarion's realization that he's condemned 7000 people to a half-life of tortured spawnhood for as long as he's been a vampire.

Romance lets us crack all that open more, because if you pursue a romantic partner, they see you as their closest confidant. They WANT to trust you, so they're more willing to explain how they see the world and what decisions they want to chase.

And then their endings. Those often get simplified as good/bad, continuing the cycle vs breaking away from it. But how is Duke Wyll on the same platform as Ascended Astarion? He's not evil, he's not even entirely unhappy. He might even have broken out of his abusive cycle with Mizora, if you played your cards right. And Ascended Astarion is overjoyed, even if he is remarkably more cold.

I think that the endings are less a dichotomy of "this is good for them" vs "this is bad for them," and more one of "bringing out their best traits" vs "bringing out their worst."

Wyll's worst trait is being willing to sacrifice his own wants for whatever people desire of him. His best is standing for what he believes in and ensuring people are safe. Duke Wyll leans into that necessity to turn the other cheek in the name of people who count on him, while the Blade of Avernus has seized that moral compass of his and forged it out of mithral.

Shadowheart's worst trait is blind obedience at the cost of her individuality, while her best is her desire to be kind to things that don't deserve to be hurt. Mother Superior Shadowheart's whole life is defined by Shar. Selûnite Shadowheart's life is defined by her hospitality, especially towards animals.

Karlach's worst trait is how willing she is to accept that things are (to quote her) fucked, letting despair override hope. Her best is her durability in the face of horror. Exploded Karlach would rather die than try to work out a solution in the Hells, because she's terrified of facing Zariel alone. Mindflayer Karlach has accepted her fate and decides to give up her heart and soul to go out a hero, losing who she is. Fury of Avernus Karlach is willing to keep fighting for a solution, and by the time the epilogue happens, she's got her sights set on one.

Astarion's worst trait is his desire for power over people. His best trait is using the tools he has to his advantage. Ascended Astarion has let his powerhungry nature and paranoia lead all of his decisions, with his sights set on dominating mankind. Spawn Astarion has embraced what he is, and carved out a life for himself where he can do as he pleases.

Lae'zel's worst trait is her blind fanaticism, while her best trait is her individual dedication, making her loyalty a marriage of the two. Ascended Lae'zel is a meal for the lich queen, turning a blind eye to all Vlaakith's tried to do to her and literally being consumed by her fervor. Champion of Orpheus Lae'zel has turned her loyalty into something productive for diplomacy. Faerûnian Lae'zel has seized her individuality by the throat and decided her own future.

And then Gale. Gale's worst traits are his hubris and, paradoxically, his low self worth. His best traits are his creativity and wonder for the world. God Gale is the embodiment of ambition, having burned away all but that in pursuit of perfection. Exploded Gale has let his remorse blot out all hope for a redemption in which he does not die, because he thinks he's earned it. Professor Gale leads his life by embracing the school of Illusion and letting his creativity thrive, teaching others to do the same. House Husband Gale has multiple creative projects he's working on, and Adventurer Gale is always finding new sights to see and wanting to share them with you.

There are arguments to be made on which ending the origins are happiest in, certainly, or which one benefits them the most, but each ending represents the extreme of a facet they possess.

So with all that, there's a sort of malleable method to figuring out the ins and outs of a character.

You take their endings—all of them, all variables they can have—and reverse-engineer the flaws and details they carry. Then you start to notice how those work into their approvals for minor things: Astarion approving of your taking of the Blood of Lathander, or Shadowheart approving of standing up for Arabella. Getting a list of approvals and disapprovals is helpful, but having those endings on hand tells you why they react like that to a majority of their decisions.

You take their romance-route explanations of how they act, and apply those to earlier decisions. Astarion's confession to manipulating you and Araj-prompted admittance to using himself as a tool brings to light how he reacts to your decisions, regardless of his actual opinions on them. Wyll's fairytale romance and love of poetic adages speaks to his idealistic nature, and why he takes a sometimes-blinded approach to decisions in which the "right" answer isn't always the smart one.

You take their beginning reactions to stress and use that to measure how future decisions impact them. Lae'zel locks down and gets snappy when she's scared, while Gale immediately turns to diplomacy. Shadowheart has gallows humor, while Wyll turns to quiet acceptance. If they break from these and seem even worse, you know the situation is more dire in their minds than having seven days to live.

And then you factor in all their fun facts and dialogue choices and backstories.

A wizard falls in love with a goddess and her magic, attempts to retrieve a piece of her power for her, is scorned for his attempt and is cursed to die.

Give that backstory to a Tav. Look at how it changes.

A chaotic good wizard fell in love with a goddess, thought retrieving a piece of power for her would be a showy bouquet of love, and was punished for not thinking things through.

A lawful evil wizard fell in love with a goddess's power, snatched the most precious thing she owned, tried to use it to barter his way through to the secrets she kept, and was given a swift retribution.

Same backstory. Same class, same act, same goddess. Wildly different connotations. Wildly different conclusions as to who is in the wrong.

If you take all there is to Gale, all that the game shows us makes up his character, and apply it to this backstory, you get what really happened:

A wizard, enamored with magic, fell in love with a goddess. His desires led him to want more than she was willing to give. In his well-buried fear of inadequacy, he concluded that the reason she wouldn't indulge his ambitions was because he just hadn't proven himself worthy enough. So he tried to prove himself, but he lacked the context for what he was proving himself with. And the goddess, seeing a weapon that had killed her predecessor, saw this ambitious wizard as losing his way and coming for her just like the weapon's creator had. She was angry, she withdrew his link to her, and he didn't know why. So he drew the conclusion that she took his powers to punish him, and let that encompass his fall from grace.

Was he wrong to reach for what was out there?

If you knew that the answers to everything you cared about were not only known, but kept by someone you loved—someone who adored you—what would you do to ask to see them? What if your curiosities were if there were other planets with life out there, or how dark matter worked, or whether or not we could one day travel in the stars? What if it was the potential cure to an illness that's little-understood, or the way to make a program you dreamt up, or the scope of the true limits of your artistic talents? Would your answer change?

Was she wrong to cut him off?

If you were once hurt, and the person you loved—the person who adored you—brought the thing that caused it to your door, believing you'd want it, how would you react to seeing it? What if that thing was someone you thought you'd broken contact with, like a friend or family member you'd been trying to avoid? Would your answer change?

That's the sort of scope that needs to be applied to this, on both sides. You have to take the perspectives of each party, and apply two analogies instead of one.

Gale saw the vastness of the universe, untold wonders, the solution to every question he could ever dream up, and saw Mystra as withholding this from him because she thought he just wasn't worthy enough. To claim Mystra knew his perspective does her a disservice.

Mystra saw a cruel weapon she thought long gone, in the hands of someone who could use it, brought right to her, and thought Gale was willingly following the path of Karsus. To claim Gale knew her perspective does him a disservice.

Should Gale have researched his prize more, so he knew just what he was obtaining? Should he have kept his hands off a cursed book that would devour him? Of course he should have.

Should he have given up on chasing his dreams?

Should Mystra have understood that Gale's pursuit of power was nothing like Karsus'? Should she have communicated when she was angry instead of giving the cold shoulder? Of course she should have.

Should she have given him the benefit of the doubt?

That's the root of their falling out. That's what leads to hurt being inflicted. Understandable, human reactions to the situations they perceive. Unhealthy, unwise choices made afterwards.

You work backwards from this to figure out their dynamic as Chosen and goddess. You work forward from this to understand more of where Gale and Mystra are during the events of Baldur's Gate 3. Gale reached too high, and understands this. His goddess hates him, and he regrets this. Mystra isolated Gale, and understands this. Her Chosen wants redemption, and she wants to make it happen.

Just like we took Gale's character into account, we also have to take Mystra's.

A goddess is faced with a problem. She uses someone who's desperate for approval to solve it, by telling him to kill himself.

An evil goddess is faced with a threat to her reign. She sees someone who's unfailingly loyal and hates himself, and elects to have him tear himself apart rather than do anything about it.

A good goddess is terrified of the future. She sees someone who tried to hurt her, who's going to die anyways, and tells him to use it to save the world.

Same story. Same act, same power, same pawn. Different character. Different perspective. Different outlook on whether or not this is the right thing to do.

Mystra has died, multiple times, to people trying to stake claim to her domain. Someone appears with the very thing that could do it again, right as she's regained her stability.

She does not see mortals the way mortals do. She is timeless. She is eternal. She has a duty to protect billions of people, and one person lost to protect that number is more than worth the sacrifice.

People like to bring up the Seven Sisters as proof of Mystra's cruelty. For those unaware, Mystra asked permission to, then possessed, a woman, used her to court a man (with dubious consent from the woman), and bore seven children, all of whom were capable of bearing Mystra's power as Chosen without dying. The woman she possessed was killed in the process (reduced to no more than a husk, then slain by her now-husband, hoping to end her suffering), and the husband was horrified by the whole story.

Mystra needed Chosen in order to restore herself in the event that she was killed again, to prevent magic as a whole from collapsing and wreaking havoc on the mortal realm, like it had in the few seconds Mystryl had been dead. Elminster, Khelben Blackstaff, and the Seven Sisters contributed to this. The more Chosen she has, the better; what happens if Elminster dies? She can't afford to have all her eggs in one basket.

Mystra has Volo (yeah, that Volo) as a Weave Anchor, imparted with a portion of her power to prevent the Weave from shredding itself to pieces in her absence. All Chosen of Mystra are Weave Anchors by nature. The creation of Weave Anchors was mandated by Ao, the Overgod, and Chosen are the best way to make sure those anchors aren't drained by ambitious people hoping for godlike power. Chosen can, and will, defend themselves, unlike static locations (which Mystra also has). The anchors are why the Weave wasn't completely obliterated during Mystra's last death, when the Spellplague rose up, because they stabilized the Weave around them.

Everything Mystra does is in the name of the big picture, to prevent a catastrophe like the fall of Netheril from happening again. Her restriction of magic, her numerous Chosen, her creation of Weave Anchors, her destruction of those who would claim her power, it's all in the name of the stability she's been charged with. Dornal Silverhand's grief and Elué Silverhand's death, while regrettable, were worth it to bring seven more anchors into existence to save all of the Material.

So someone appears with the Crown of Karsus, potentially powerful enough to try to kill the other gods in the name of the Dead Three. She can't risk being a target of them. She can't risk the destruction of magic again.

Gale is going to die. He lives in fear. He begs for forgiveness.

In Mystra's eyes, she's offering him the best outcome. She'll let him die in service to her, to save Faerûn, and she'll forgive him. He's going to die anyways, and if he does this, she'll give him everything (she thinks) he could ever want in her realm. She's asking him to do what (she thinks) is the right thing.

"She would consider what she considers to be forgiveness."

Notably, she leaves the decision in his hands. She doesn't have Elminster lead him to the Nether Brain. She doesn't activate him as soon as he's there. When he lives yet, she doesn't revoke the charm that keeps him stable. And when he declines, when he lets it go and starts pursuing Karsus' path, she doesn't smite him on the spot.

She is (she thinks) being incredibly patient. If Gale is going to try to be Karsus II, she's ready for him. If he decides to walk off and keep the Orb, he's dug his own grave in the Fugue Plane (those who don't have a god to claim them roam endlessly as husks and form a wall of bodies around the City of Judgement).

From her perspective, she's not being unreasonable. But from the perspective of a mortal, she absolutely is.

"Now, I have a question for thee: what is the worth of a single mortal's life?"

This is a question she cannot answer properly.

I think a lot of characterization is lost whenever someone paints one of them as being totally in the right. But I also think you have to be invested in them as characters to want to see that characterization. If you want to write about Mystra, you have to try to get into her head, analyze the decisions she made, figure out why she thinks she was right, and follow the pattern.

Gale's sacrifice is a very predictable thing for her to ask for.

[strwberri-milk]

hi friend!!! what are your thoughts on various genshin men with an s/o that gets really easily flustered by them? im personally curious about alhaitham, dckz, and dainsleif but feel free to write whoever you'd like <3

have a wonderful day!!! remember to drink water 💕

Al Haitham, Dainsleif, Zhongli, and Diluc are all pretty similar. He doesn't really understand what it is about him that makes you so flustered around him. He doesn't change the person he is around you or do anything particularly out of the ordinary but somehow, just the simple rise and fall of his chest makes you swoon.

He's not sure what to do about this newfound power over you, but he doesn't use it for evil. Instead, he simply just exists the way he is, continuing with his sweet words for you and the caring gestures he gives you. He does everything for you, not realising that this is part of the reason why you're so flustered by him.

Eventually, he'll figure it out, shaking his head in amusement as he pieces together what it is that makes you adore him. He doesn't call you out on it, continuing to just quietly do them and happily take in each of the soft gasps you give him in response. It makes his day knowing you like him so much, him rewarding you with a sweet kiss on the cheek.

Childe and Kaeya are both massive teases over it. He loves knowing that you're obsessed with him and acting in ways that make you fall apart in his arms.

He'll always be there to catch you when you swoon thanks to his antics, winking at you before saying something smooth that makes you fall apart in his arms again. Your poor heart can't get a break around him but you know he'll be there all the time to catch all your pieces to put them back together.

He loves being adored, which is why you are not going to be given the chance to survive. Every time you sigh or gasp thanks to him he smirks a bit more which creates a vicious cycle of your neverending adoration of him. He'll hold you in his arms until you calm down, pressing kisses to your head and comforting you sweetly.

[notiddygxthgf]

PROLOGUE

★ pairings: nanami kento x f! reader

★ synopsis: In the search for solace, Nanami stumbles right into the arms of an exotic dancer. In the search for money, an exotic dancer finds more than she bargained for. In the heat of the moment, a contractual relationship turns into something more. (or; the one where sugar daddy!nanami is sweet on his girl)

★ c.w.: drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: OMG! im so excited to finally start publishing this fanfic. ive been sitting on it for a minute. DISCLAIMER LOL I dont condone the behavior observed in this story (even if I myself would have done it in a heartbeat) anything for papa nanami. im so normal about him (I have daddy issues). if ur new around here, say hi! if you've read my other ffs then welcome back teehee. chapter is not beta'd. we die like men. (I would recommend listening to the song while u read)

★ w.c.; 3k

my kinda love; chapter index

THE HORRORS. He dreamt about them often. Most of his dreams were of a similar nature; long, detailed, brutal. Bloody, at times. When he wasn’t kept up by the memories, he was dreaming about them – as if they had followed him into his slumber. When he woke up, his burdens were heavy on his shoulders. He would repeat this cycle every day.

He was compensated rather well for his traumas. Well was an understatement. Maybe it wasn’t… after all, no amount of money could ever possibly make up for the things he had seen.

He repeated the same cycle every single day.

“Nanami?” A soft voice shook him out of his reverie. It was his therapist – a woman of short stature with long, brown hair and a business-casual outfit on. 

He raised his brows, doing his best to appear as if he had been listening the entire time. “Yes?”

“I asked you if you’ve had any romantic pursuits recently,” She answered. Her smile was warm, patient, but the clipboard in her lap said otherwise. He was paying for her time. “Any efforts to let new people into your life…?”

Nanami’s face wore a blank expression. He fiddled with the hands folded neatly in his lap. “As in… dating?”

“Dating counts, yeah,” She nodded. She tapped the edge of her purple pen against the page rhythmically while she awaited his reply. 

He thought of the innumerable faceless women he had spent the evening with. He thought of warm mouths, soft lips, and supple bodies; Countless beautiful women he had tricked into thinking they had a chance at something more than a one night stand. Every time a potential suitor came along, he found himself being scared away by intimacy.

Not sex. He was no stranger to that, nor to its remarkable ability to take his mind off of the stress. It was what lurked in the shadows that daunted him – the lingering touches, the good morning messages, the heartfelt gestures. He could handle it when he was the one dishing it out, but the moment the energy was returned, every single time, he would find himself running away.

It was a dangerous game. He knew he was an evil, cold-hearted, bad man. A part of him wished he could have done right by those select women he had courted (for rather brief periods of time). The more sensible part of him knew he simply didn’t have the time nor the energy to confront his issues and commit to a single woman. 

So he continued to ignore his problems – finding comfort in a warm bed and a warm body whenever he could. Sex made for one hell of an emotional crutch when it was the only thing that seemed to make you feel anything other than indifference.

Indifference. That was the only thing he felt these days. That, and the rush – the pursuit of animalistic passion in favor of neglecting his personal qualms. The temporary escape from his permanent issues.

“I’ve had quite a few,” He answered after a pause that seemed to stretch on for a moment too long. “Commitment is a bit of an issue for me, still, but I’m making an effort to work on it.”

Only partially a lie.

“That’s great, Nanami!” She smiled. She clicked her pen against the page, scribbling something down before she turned her attention back to him. “Tell me more about that effort. Have you been letting those emotional walls down?”

He fought the urge to grit his teeth together at her inquiry. If you can call ghosting three women in the last month and a half letting walls down.

“I’ll be honest,” He sighed. Sitting back in his leather loveseat, he crossed one leg over the other. “I’m starting to believe I’m unable to open up to another person on that level.”

“Don’t say that, Nanami,” She scribbled something down. Her eyes weren’t even on him when she uttered this. “I think you just need to put yourself out there a little more. Ease yourself into that intimacy you typically shy away from.”

Put myself out there.

He thought again of the countless women he had been with.

“Forgive me for being vulgar,” He admitted. “But I think I have enough sex.”

“Not that,” She laughed quietly, shaking her head. “Intimacy and sex are two completely different things, Nanami – though they often intersect. You should try exploring non-sexual intimacy with a partner.”

“Non-sexual intimacy…” He reiterated. The term felt foreign as it rolled off of his tongue. “What do you mean by that?”

Was that what he had been missing? Non-sexual intimacy?

“Letting someone be vulnerable with you – being vulnerable with someone. The softness, that stuff that makes a relationship more than just physical. Other than love, that is,” She answered. Her manicured fingers smoothed over the page before flipping it. She was like clockwork. “There’s something healing about having a soft and, in your case, feminine presence in your life that you can be vulnerable with.”

“I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never acted,” He said. Casting a sideways glance at the analog clock on her desk, he asked, “Does that make me selfish? Shying away from non-sexual intimacy because I don’t understand it – even though I allow myself to indulge in sexual intimacy?”

“It makes you human, I think,” She smiled softly, writing something else down. Her brown eyes flitted up to meet him with unfounded warmth. “You should try letting someone in, Nanami. Might be worth a shot. What do you have to lose?”

Everything, was his first thought.

“I suppose you’re right,” He sighed anyway. 

The faint buzz of the neon sign before him grew louder as he approached it. It was hardly audible over the deep buzz of the bass coming from the other side of the door. The words “Cat House” blinked periodically, illuminating his tired face in its glow each time.

“You’re taking him to a strip club?” Nanami grumbled. Still, shutting the door of the sleek black vehicle behind him, he glanced at the glowing pink sign. “The kid is turning 21.”

After his white-haired-blue-eyed long-term-acquaintance stepped out from the other side of the SUV, the driver pulled off. Gojo wiped his hands off on the fabric of his suit. “Not just any strip club! My favorite strip club!”

“You’re a regular,” He sighed, shaking his head. “Of course you are.”

“You, my friend, need to learn how to have some fun,” Gojo hummed. He brushed past Nanami, making his way to the stairway that undoubtedly descended to the entrance. “Yuuji’s gonna love it!”

Nanami followed after Gojo, flicking his cigarette onto the ground below his feet. His footsteps crunched against the gravel pathway. “If this is what your definition of fun is, I don’t think you should have been the one planning out his birthday.”

“What would you have done? Take him to an arcade?” Gojo waved him off. He nodded towards the door the two men now stood in front of. “Kid’s 21, not 12. Let’s go inside.”

"Hard pass," Nanami answered calmly. He straightened his tie out, suddenly feeling rather overdressed for the occasion – especially considering the kind of establishment this was .

"Yes we are."

"I have better things to do."

"Like what? Moping and pouting at home?" Gojo interjected, reaching for his  arm – which Nanami quickly pulled out of his grasp. “It’s Yuuji’s birthday. Go celebrate with a lapdance, or something.

Gojo grabbed his arm again. Getting the strong feeling that he would simply try again if he pulled his arm away, Nanami let him.

“I will be doing nothing of the sort,” He grumbled. Still, he allowed Gojo to pull him into the entryway.

A low and seductive saxophone medley poured out from the speakers, and Nanami nearly considered turning back there and then. Gojo – with Nanami in tow – approached a rather scantily clad woman near the door. 

“Hi, doll. Party for Itadori?” He asked.

The hostess nodded. Gathering a few menus, she stepped out from behind the counter – wearing nothing more than a micro skirt and a bikini top. “Right this way,” she said.

The two men followed her into the club. Everything – everything – was pink. As pink as Yuuji’s hair, with red chairs and booths scattered throughout. It looked like the place had been designed by fucking Cupid himself. There were dozens of dancers strutting around the place – all of which wore tiny skirts and tight tops. 

Nanami didn’t miss the way Gojo’s eye’s trailed over the hostess’s ass while she led them over to their booth.

“The dancers here are phenomenal," Gojo said to him, raising his voice so that he was louder than the music. The stage was surrounded by at least 15 tables, all of which were packed with very excited-looking men. Conveniently enough, their table sat front-and-center to the stage. 

"Can I get you started with something to drink?”  The woman said, gesturing to the booth. “Or would you like to wait for the rest of your party?”

Gojo sank into one of the cushiony chairs at the table, and Nanami did the same. The cushion was a bright red velour. It was soft – he really didn’t wanna think about what sort of stories the chair could tell. 

“A strawberry margarita for me, please– extra dirty,” Gojo answered. He didn’t even have to look at the menu. Fuckin’ party animal.

The lady nodded, then turned her gaze to Nanami.

He had to think for a moment before he asked. “Do you have wine?”

“Yeah,” She hummed. “What kind?”

“Merlot, please,” He answered. “Bring the whole bottle.”

The lady nodded, and again, he caught the way Gojo shamelessly stared at the woman's ass as she walked away. Once he was certain they were alone, he asked his eccentric friend, "The drinks any good here?"

"You ask that after you order a whole bottle of it?" The man chuckled, crossing one leg over the other and rather conspicuously nudging Nanami’s leg with his foot. "They’re alright. The key is to get wasted enough that they taste better.”

That’s terrible advice. Nanami knew better than to try to argue with Gojo. He had long since learned his lesson. Instead, he tried to see the bright side of the whole situation. Perhaps this night out would help him take his mind off of everything

Yuuji and his friends had arrived only thirty minutes earlier, and they were already drunk. They were cackling loudly – so loudly that they were beginning to draw attention. Gojo, wiping away tears from laughing so hard, was clapping his hands together in amusement.

There was a brief moment of silence, during which Gojo went for the tequila bottle and poured everyone another round of shots. The clear liquid seemed to catch the light just slightly, just enough that it glistened as he raised his glass.

“Lovely students, gather ‘round!” He slurred, a drunken sparkle in his eyes. He tapped the side of his glass with a metal fork – the resulting clink cut right through the laughter.

The group hushed as all eyes focused on him. “I want to make a toast!” He announced after a dramatic pause. He glanced at poor Yuuji, with his “birthday girl” sash and matching tiara, and proclaimed, “I wanna thank all of you for gathering here to celebrate our beloved birthday girl’s special night!”

All eyes turned to Yuuji, who wore a dopey, beaming grin.

Gojo stood up from his chair, bringing the glass of tequila with him. Nanami watched with moderate intrigue – only because there was a 50% chance that his alcoholic beverage could wind up all over his shirt. 

“To Yuuji!” he declared, raising his glass high.

The group raised their glasses together. For a moment, Nanami felt a warmth in his chest – a rare moment of contentment amidst all of the chaos. Everyone was okay. They were here . Happy.

“To Yuuji!” They echoed.

He raised my own glass a moment too late, then threw it down the hatch. The bitter taste of the liquor as it flowed down Nanami’s throat and warmed his chest was not unwelcome. 

 Yuuji, however, nearly gagged on his, swallowing slowly before erupting into a fit of coughs.

Laughter erupted once again, and Nobara affectionately patted Yuuji on the back. As the group continued to revel in the celebration, the lights dimmed.

"Oh shit, I think the show is starting," Yuuji exclaimed.

"Quiet down, everyone! Gojo chimed in, his usual exuberance heightened by the alcohol.

As the lights dimmed even more, the atmosphere shifted. The group settled into their seats, anticipation filling the air. Yuuji, still wearing his birthday girl sash, looked around with wide eyes, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

The curtains gracefully rolled open just a moment later, ushering in a pulsating beat as a shadow emerged from the stage's depths. Gojo couldn't help but nearly roll his eyes at the sheer absurdity of it all. Gliding effortlessly to the stage's forefront was the dancer, adorned in a fetching ensemble—a pretty pink G-string paired with a matching corset adorned with little embroidered hearts. Her hair was styled into two low pigtails, and from where Nanami stood, he couldn't deny she was, well, kind of pretty.

The rhythmic beat filled the restaurant as the dancer began to sway her hips, accompanied by the provocative lyrics.

‘Tell nobody I control you

I broke you just to hold you,’

She placed a hand on her shoulder, trailing it around her neck before seductively sliding it down her glimmering, scantily-clad chest. The spotlight painted her feminine silhouette with hues of pink and red, and Nanami couldn't resist letting his gaze drift a little lower.

‘They can’t tell, but I love you,’

Grasping the pole behind her, the dancer executed snakelike hip movements. Her hands remained wrapped around the pole as she pressed her back against it, biting her bottom lip in a tantalizing squat. Legs opened, hips gyrating, she beckoned the audience forward. Nanami's eyes dropped below the belt once more as her body rippled enticingly to the beat.

‘Cause you’re loyal, baby,

I love when you’re submissive,’

She was undeniably gorgeous. Her attire accentuated her curves, and her movements exuded confidence and sensuality.

‘Love it when I break skin,’

Gojo, in his usual flamboyant manner, clapped his hands and whistled at the dancer. Nanami turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise, as if silently conveying, "She's hot." Gojo simply smiled in return.

‘You feel pain without flinchin’...

So say it…’

She stepped around the pole, so that her long, athletic legs were spread in front of it, her back was straight, and her hands were clasped around the pole above her head. She demanded attention – something reflected by the hoots and whistles resonating throughout the room.

‘Give me tough love,’

Slowly, she slid into a squat.

‘Leave me with nothing when I come down,

My kinda love,’

From there, she crawled onto her hands and knees, arching her back, rolling her hips against the floor in a way that had Nanami’s eyes blinking rapidly. She grinded and crawled, eventually transitioning onto her back, where she backbended and then cartwheeled onto her feet again.

‘Push me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

His jaw would have been on the floor if he didn’t have an image to uphold.

Returning to her confident strides around the pole, she stopped to roll her body against it, smoothing her hands over her smooth bottom, eyes scanning the audience. Sliding her hands up her inner thighs, she flipped her hair up and then rolled back up slowly. She dropped down into another squat, then – spinning on the balls of her feet – she rolled over the floor, kicking her legs up into a split, hands on the ground, back arched.

‘ We don’t gotta be in love, no,

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

She’s amazing, he found himself thinking.

She rolled onto her stomach, pushed herself back onto her knees, and arched her back – all while running her hands over her torso, her waist. Her hips rolled forward, making a little riding motion that made Nanami reconsider his harsh words towards his comrade earlier in the evening.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

Spinning around to face the crowd on her knees, she crawled onto her hands and knees. She arched her back slowly, sensually – in an almost feline fashion – with her ass and heels pointed up.

She pushed herself onto her feet, hands holding her heels, rolling up slowly again – this time dagging her hand up the length of her smooth, long legs. She reached for the pole, rolling her body against it.

‘Push me down, hold me down,

Spit in my mouth while you turn me out,’

Is she even going to use the pole? Nanami wondered. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It looked difficult – something he could never imagine himself being able to do. And, shit, for what it was worth, she was putting on one hell of a show without it.

‘I wanna take your light inside,

Dim me down, snuff me out,

Hands on my neck while you push it out,

And I’m screamin’ out’

She hooked her leg around the pole – as if she had heard Nanami’s internal inquiry, and flipped up onto it. In one smooth motion, she seemed to defy gravity. Her legs were pointed up, straight towards the ceiling as the pole rotated slowly. Then, before Nanami could catch his breath, her legs split open.

‘Give me tough love,

Leave me with nothin’ when I come down.’

She looked so fucking… perfect, so remarkable. He found himself entirely hypnotized by her. Her back was arched, pressed up against the pole – hell, her whole body was bent backward. He had never seen someone do an upside down split in mid air with only their hands as support, let alone do it so effortlessly.

‘My kinda love,

Force me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

Her eyes scanned the shouting crowd with a seductive expression. She wrapped her legs around the back of the pole. Then, still upside down, she relaxed her grip on the base of the pole, sliding down until her hands met the ground. 

He was surprised her breasts hadn’t spilled out of their containers by now.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no,

I just wanna be one of your girls tonight.’

In one fluid motion, she opened her legs and cartwheeled away from the pole. She sauntered up to the front of the stage again, sliding her hands up her hips, her stomach, her chest, her neck. Nanami’s eyes followed her hands hungrily on their journey up, and then again on their way down, down, down. With her hands on her knees, she sunk into a squatting position. 

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

Nanami gaped at the stage. She was absolutely stunning. Her body moved with grace, and her long legs worked those heels in a way that left his head spinning. The way her hands gripped the pole ignited a desire in Nanami's fingers to reach out and touch her.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight, oh.’

Strutting to the stage's front, she sank back down to her knees, this time facing away from the audience. Slowly, she bent over backward, bridging off the stage into the audience. What struck Nanami the hardest wasn't the sparkle of her chest or the way her hair framed her pretty eyes; it was the way she looked right at him.

‘ Lock me up and throw away the key,

He knows how to get the best out of me,

I’m no fool for the world to see, 

Trade my whole life just to be.’

And Nanami, normally a man of composure, felt the blood rush to his face. He felt something stir deep within his chest – a sensation he hadn’t felt in years. Her half-lidded, smokey eyes gazed into his with the intensity of a thousand wildfires—unwavering, unrelenting, glimmering. She was fucking beautiful.

Droplets of sweat slid down her chest, and she smirked before extending her arm towards him. An unfamiliar, small hand gently caressed the side of his face. Nanami's heart raced, the scent of sweat and perfume leaving him reeling for more.

Then, as if nothing had transpired, the dancer pulled herself back onto her knees and continued with her routine.

Nanami's head spun, utterly captivated. He felt Gojo tap him on the shoulder. 

“She’s good, ain’t she?” He shouted over the sultry beat.

As the bills rained down around the captivating dancer, Nanami found himself unable to tear his gaze away. Gojo's words still echoed in his ears, but a stubborn sense of restraint kept him from joining in the display of buffoonery.

Gojo, undeterred by Nanami's refusal, slid him some bills anyway. "Tip her," Gojo insisted. Before Nanami could protest further, Gojo walked away.

Left alone, Nanami hesitated, his gaze alternating between the bills in his hand and the dancer on stage, who continued her mesmerizing routine, seemingly unaffected by the cascade of money around her.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

He yearned to be closer to her. It was a strange feeling – one that he hadn’t felt before. He yearned to see her, to hold her, to…

The bills felt weighty in his hand, a tangible representation of the internal struggle Nanami was experiencing. After a moment of contemplation, he made a decision. With a determined look, he rolled his thumb over the bills one last time, then threw them up into the air.

Dollar bills danced around the woman as she moved, and she seemed to lock eyes with Nanami, a subtle smile playing on her lips. 

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

He wasn’t enamored.

No, he definitely wasn’t enamored with the absurdly pretty exotic dancer on the stage. That’s what he told himself.

And even though he had slandered Gojo for being a frequent patron of the club before that night, he joined the rank of regular himself not very long after.

a/n: hi pookie cookie bookie butts! I didnt like this specific chapter, but I never like my first chaps. thats why I make prologues lol!! the story will get much better I swear. tell me your thoughts, requests, remarks, etc in the comments, as always!! love u all <333 -Leo

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

taglist: @missphanosaur18 , @bontensbabygirl, @megumissunshine, @chocoyanchan, @littlelovebug98, @lucisimpongod, @xochyw, @jaegerstan222 , @electro-supremacy, @mellytheteddy, @clover0310 , @soraya-daydreams, @priussy, @insanehumantinker, @staygoldsquatchling02, @nonksity, @hinata7346, @chososwhoresblog, @mindurownbussines , @hearts4sid , @simplefools , @ynjimenez

wanna join the taglist? | my kinda love; chapter index

[gennabi]

Hello can i request both iruma and evil cycle iruma asking their crush out if your fine with it

ik this has been so so long but i wanted to write for it, sorry it took me a decade to finally have ideas and write 😞 hehe this was fun, thank you for requesting !! also i changed my writing style a bit ?? (i think)

asking their crush out

iruma / evil cycle! iruma x reader (no prns) • 0.4k

romantic; fluff

[ reader is a demon in iruma's , second hand embarassment in evil cycle! iruma's , personally i think iruma is such a complex character so im sorry if i dont nail him akjshvbs ]

m!ik masterlist | main masterlist

iruma

iruma has always been embracing whatever position the world puts him in. it has always been that way and he thinks it should stay that way: it is after all the safest way to live without upsetting others. which is also why he was fine with watching you from afar, having only the occasional conversations to pass by the time waiting for the teachers to arrive— or more if luck is on his side and he is blessed to be in the same group with you.

but the blue-haired boy doesn't think he can go on like this.

he blames it on the time spent with you, a tad frustrated that he is starting to lose his cool and stutter more every time you talk. i mean, why is your smile that blinding in the first place?!! and why do you look at him like that, like he deserves to be looked at with so much love? iruma is going to be more in love if this happens.. :(

but, iruma has always been good at embracing things. and that includes the fact that you make his heart flutter.

he asks to walk you home (you think it's sweet of him, since you can spend more time together walking than flying home) and your lips curve into the lopsided grin he's fallen for.

you don't talk along the journey, letting the sound of birds and the shuffling of your shoes to fill the air. soon arriving, you turn to your classmate to thank him when you notice the red his cheeks are flushed with.

cute.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

"i want to be honest with you..—", he purses his lips, "—i've liked you for a long time and uh..u-uh... i'm wondering if...." "if~?", you tilt your head playfully to better look at his face.

startled, he takes a step back. his eyes meet yours and he swears you can hear his heartbeat, immediately covering his face with his hands. "uh i'm- i'm sorry for saying it like this but i can't say it while looking at you...", he takes a peek from behind his hands and continues when you say you don't mind.

"please go out with me!!"

peeling his hands off his face and intertwining your fingers together, you softly smile. "you don't even have to ask."

evil cycle! iruma

one thing about iruma on an evil cycle is that he gets what he wants. right there and then. which is why the moment he realizes his feelings for you, it took him no seconds for him to stride right towards your seat.

it's a usual evening in class and professor kalego is explaining something on the board when iruma stands. ignoring him, you continue to listen to the lecture when suddenly you feel your hand being gently enveloped with your blue-haired classmate's.

"hey, wanna go out?"

huh?

you lift your head to meet his gaze and the corner of his lips pull up into a small smirk. you don't realize you've been staring at him until something soft makes contact with the back of your hand─ AND IRUMA IS KISSING YOUR HAND??@?&?

a cough interrupts your moment and you feel your whole body go warm from the looks you're getting from your classmates. IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS TOO? IS HE CRAZY??

pulling him closer by his hand that's holding yours, you whisper shout to his ear in disbelief, "go back to your seat!!"

unphased, iruma turns his face to you and you miscalculated the distance because the next thing you know, your noses are almost brushing and you can already hear your heart bursting. "so that's a yes?"

growing more concious of the stares you're getting, you clench your jaw and roll your eyes in frustration. iruma leans back, not yet letting go of your hand, and excuses himself for interrupting the class. (wild i know, but you have some weird effect on him.)

the class however thinks otherwise as they start hollering and cheering, with professor kalego losing yet another junk of his lifespan from the chaos. wanting to get it over quick, you mumble a quiet yes. and you don't think iruma missed it, not when he closes the distance yet again to press a kiss on your forehead before going back to his place.

you definitely can't focus on the lecture now.

[cherryys]

why do you think yuuji isn't gonna make it? i have a lot of bets put on itafushi both dying or living (for Reasons i'm not gonna be annoying abt rn lol) so i like to hear why others believe otherwise

Oh god okay so

There are ALOT of death flags around yuuji, more than the people that actually died had lol but if i had to compose a list:

1. In Chapter 1, these are Yuuji's grandfather's dying words to him:

And i feel this statement of "when it's your time to go, make sure you're surrounded by others." Is going to play a big part in the ending, especially paired with the "save anyone you can, even if it's just one person" this translation doesn't say those exact words but the anime did so im gonna roll with it lol (if anyone knows what the og japanese version said please let me know!!!)

I think Yuuji is going to die by saving Megumi, surrounded by him (and others like Yuuta and Todo but im more focusing on Megumi because he is the start and the end of Yuuji's entire life purpose and ideals) and that would fulfill his grandfather's dying words of "save whoever you can, even if it's just one person. don't end up like me, [alone]. Die surrounded by loved ones" and i think that would truly be the best ending Yuuji would get after that, better than any hollow victory of killing sukuna but still outliving everyone else, alone. He had suffered enough in those few months, i think it would be cruel of Gege if he lets him outlive everyone else and still keep going with how much he's lost and witnessed.

This falls in line with the purpose he set for himself in Chapter 2:

He had already accepted that his life ends with Sukuna. That moment is when, for him, Itadori Yuuji ceased to exist and instead, Sukuna's Vessel. (Though the people around him try to convince him otherwise). Him doing those two things (Killing Sukuna and Saving People) as what his character's purpose in the story is, not living to see his 16th birthday (as despressing as that may be 💔)

2. In Chapter 203, Kenjaku says this:

This sort of ties into my earlier point of him and Sukuna's lifespans being interconnected thematically. Kenjaku here specifies Yuuji coexisting with Sukuna. As long as they are both alive, the cycle of curses (and suffering & pain) will never end. Even if Yuuji were to live on, he still has Sukuna's essence burned into him (whether that be because he'd been a vessel for so long or because of his lineage). He cannot get rid of the entirety of Sukuna, all his remains and all his ugliness, without getting rid of the one inside him first. That's why to completely get rid of Sukuna, he has to take himself out too.

Shoko even says this in Chapter 220:

By a narrative standpoint, he technically counts as an extra finger, still housing his Technique and his Evil Dredges, sort of speak. To completely defeat Sukuna, he has to go too.

3. A little fun fact about JJK, it was under threat of being cancelled all the way back since the Cursed Womb Arc. Because of that, Gege rushed to write that arc along with Chapter 9 as its subsequent "end" (though we know now Shonen Jump continued releasing it) and coupled with the fact that Gege said a while ago he already has the end of the story in mind, it's not a stretch to say that the end is going to parallel that Chapter somehow, with Yuuji sacrificing himself to save Megumi and them sharing a quiet moment (under the rain, or snow since its Dec 24 lol) where Megumi tells him again that he had never once regretted saving him, even after all the turmoil and pain it caused Megumi.

I think that would also be a nice send-off for Yuuji, the last face he sees is the one person he actually succeeded in saving and the one that saved him back, telling him that despite all the guilt he felt, all the pain he made himself responsible for (despite it not being his fault), he—who had a moral code so strict that he'd never save anyone that would kill someone in the future, yet saved him anyways, and stuck by his side after all that happened in Shibuya and told him to share the burden, the one person who never left him alone—never once regretted saving him, that the good Megumi knows is in Yuuji was worth it. And that despite the pain Megumi went through (and the pain Yuuji feels responsible for) he doesn't blame him nor regret that choice. And that he'd do it again even knowing everything.

I could go more into the other side of this argument of why Megumi being the one to die wouldn't make sense but i'd be rambling on for too long lmao i tend to go on restlessly 😞 im just really passionate about jjk and its themes

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

Another little essay on the mls5 finale

Tl;dr Gabriel Agreste Was Not Redeemed but it Makes Sense to feel weird and gross about it! And i think it was definitely Designed that way and did a very cool job of showing some complicated things

(Under a cut for ml s5 finale spoilers and also She-Ra spoilers because i’m comparing arcs, you dont have to have seen she-ra for this to make sense just, you will get spoilers)

Gabriel Agreste’s death reminded me IMMENSELY of shadow weaver’s death in she-ra. it left me with the same emotions. and i think they’re both Clearly trying to show the same thing

In both, there is this, almost *parody* of a heroic sacrifice??? There is a villain/abusive parent who is SHOWN repeatedly to be evil and to Cause Repeated Harm to their child/main character. But the main character can never quite renounce them because they’re always thrown the tiniest scraps at the very last minute. And this main character is trapped in a never ending cycle of needing to crawl back for help because despite it all they WANT to believe that there is some Pure Underlying Motive behind it all and that actually their parent DOES love them and IS good. Because who WOULDN’T want to believe that, especially in moments of terror and lonliness and the world falling to pieces???

And BOTH of these villains die by a “heroic sacrifice” that THEY think redeems them. They both die as a sacrifice ONLY when it’s a last resort and they’re going to die ANYWAYS if they DONT do anything. and they both make SURE that a child they’ve traumatized On Purpose is Watching Them Die Heroically. For both of them there’s this element of… their death is one last act of traumatizing the person they’re saving and ALSO one last act of making them feel Trapped and like they are In Debt and Have To Stay Loyal to their abusive parent?????

Like???? Gabriel LITERALLY does those tears that may or may not have been fake but were Definitely weaponized to play with marinette’s moral compass and catch her off guard. followed by the like… cackling evil villain act. Istg he was like Playing with marinette like a little ragdoll and Relishing in how Helpless she was as he made the wish. He KNEW he had her trapped, not just By The Miraculous but also Emotionally. He KNEW she had no one else to turn to. He KNEW he held the cards and he could say “make sure adrien remembers me as a hero” and that she’d HAVE to do it. Because he was about to die in front of her and she was going to be messed up by the whole thing and all these secrets and she wasn’t gonna have much choice other than to just Believe He Was Right And Good. As a coping mechanism.

And i think,,, there’s this aura of… he Genuinely thinks he has won. He thinks that he has succeeded in being a Good Father. He thinks that he has Manipulated and Snared his way into being a Hero and Right because he thinks that’s a thing you can do!!!! He doesn’t even consider changing his ways, not when natalie AND adrien AND ladybug all BEG him to listen. He doesnt consider treating anyone else as a person or admitting he could be wrong????? He just doubles down Harder and goes “hahaaaa i have manipulated and traumatized this teenager into continuing my lies and making up a narrative for me where im the hero… this is the same as being a genuienly good parent.”

And i GET the feelings of grossness bc that was a gross thing he did!!!! I agree!!!

But i DONT think he got to get away free or be redeemed????

If anything, it gave me the same gut feeling as shadow weaver’s death in she ra????? Like????? This is the Final Proof that he’s beyond saving because he cant even DIE without using it as one last opportunity to hurt someone he should be protecting????? And he doesnt even Realize that’s messed up he’s just like “heehee i win at tricking those stupid little teenagers into thinking im a hero” with no sense of self reflection.

After watching through that scene a few times i am CONFIDENT it was meant to come off that way and im not actually Sure how much they’ll address it??????

(And im also a teensy bit confused because??? I dont know who the target audience is at this point??? If it really is little kids as the target i am Sure they’ll address it blatantly but the show’s been getting darker and more Nuanced lately. But this is a different point)

but even if they DON’T!!!!! This is just!!! So similar to shadow weaver’s death in she-ra, another cartoon theoretically aimed at children and they DIDNT even address that one at all because it was just,,,,,, SO obvious that even if she DID save the main characters with her death she also used it as a way to twist the knife?????

And so far ive just been talking about Recreation Specifically???? But the REASON gane was dying was bc he literally CATACLYSMED HIMSELF with chat’s hand as a way to trauamtize ladynoir because he thought it would catch them off guard and screw with them!!!!!!!!!!

This is not the narrative saying “oh he had good intentions and was right all along uwu” to me, this was very clearly the narrative saying “sometimes people are so far convinced that theyre the only one that matters that they cant even DIE without using it as a way to hurt and manipulate everyone they should be supporting and wow can that screw people up when they’re left to pick up those pieces and leave them with a complicated mess of emotions.”

and also its saying that it is in fact okay to hate your dead parents if they sucked . And its okay to be have complicated feelings about it, u dont have to be able to make an opinion immediately or seperate yourself from the situation. Sometimes it hurts and you mourn what you shouldve had Anyway.

And i think just like she ra, this is a very Mature and Complicated take and its Okay to have mixed feelings about it, but i just wanted to reassure people that the ending absolutely did not say that gabe was a good person.

It MIGHT have said that the wish actually helped make the world better!!! We don’t know that part yet!!!!

But we DO know that it said,,,,, even IF gabe made One Good Decision, he did it at the cost of everyone he should have been supporting and died with everyone he loved hating him for Good Reason and he used his last seconds of life to traumatize and manipulate a scared little kid into telling everyone he was A Hero . And he was not above beating up and hurting said little kid (ladybug) for funsies. I think even IF his wish IS proven to be A Good Thing (big if) there will STILL be a very valid question of “was it worth it.” There will still be tons of trauma on adrien and marinette’s part that Isnt going away. And that is on him and him alone

[fujoshiwarrior]

limbus company 1 am (edit: now 2 am) ramblings (massive spoilers abound for canto v)

these are just some quick sleep deprived thoughts, and my analysis could be better, but i feel like talking about it anyway

i saw a post in the main tag talking about why the op really disliked canto v, and i don't wanna get into an argument and i don't want to vague the op in a way that makes it seem like im attacking them because im not, i just wanna talk about why i disagree with them

i don't think canto v was perfect or the best canto but i thought it was absolutely incredible (yes i did cry during the final boss fight), and i agree that starbuck and queequeg deserved way more screentime and development than they got (i also think the adaptation of queequeg from moby dick to limbus was woefully clumsy, which might have have been remedied by more time with her, though i still love limbus!queequeg)

however, i wholeheartedly disagree on ahab as a villain. i thought she was amazing. even if she doesn't really have any shades of gray to her, i think the point is that a lot of horrible, evil, selfish people genuinely believe what they are doing and their behavior is right and justified. furthermore, she was completely and utterly steeped in delusion and obsession to the detriment of herself and every single person remotely in proximity to her.

i need to say first that i've never read moby dick unfortunately, so i can't comment too much on limbus!ahab vs book!ahab. what i do know is that just like in limbus, ahab's obsession leads to the demise of every single crew member with ishmael as the sole survivor. since i haven't read moby dick, i had to consult sparknotes for a profile of book!ahab, and it describes him as much of a victim as he is an aggressor---however, i'll touch on that in a bit.

what i want to bring attention to is that both book and limbus ahab are characterized by sheer hubris, pride, and a god/savior complex. i want to bring attention to another classical literature character who is characterized by hubris and who also spends the entire novel on a ship: victor frankenstein.

this comparison might seem like it's coming from left field, but i promise i have a point. also, while i don't think limbus!ahab was overtly inspired by victor frankenstein, considering how obsessed pm is with literature i think there is a very low chance that kjh or at least one of the writers haven't read frankenstein. see also the parallels between angela and the monster/ayin and frankenstein in lobotomy corporation and library of ruina (especially library of ruina, where there is a direct connection between angela and lucifer related imagery, who the monster is also associated with). frankenstein ends with victor, after telling his, encouraging the sailors not to give up on trying to find a new passage channel in spite of the fact they will probably die doing so---victor has not learned his lesson, and now he's luring a group of sailors to their deaths.

ahab is so full of herself and so egocentric that even when she was facing the death of her very "self" (or...ego) she did not falter in her delusions, not even at the very, very end, and was happy to continue the cycle. the point i'm trying to make here is that a character being unambiguously bad and selfish doesn't necessarily make for a bad or uncomplicated character. i will concede though that op again has a point with the lack of screentime with ahab means that she didn't have the time to prove her complexities.

this brings me to canto v's ending. in the post credits scene, we saw the ahab somehow survived the collapse of the white whale (this is just speculation, but i think it has something to do with her ego awakening---judging off the cg art, i would guess the ego fused with the pallidification from the whale or nullified it entirely...or both maybe). i was initially disappointed by this.

however, we know very little about hermann's crew. as op touched on, and as i have touched on, ahab had little screentime and not a lot of character development. her now being a member of hermann's crew gives ample opportunity for further development of her character---i think we'll see why exactly she became so obsessed with the whale and why she is the way she is (the aspect of ahab as a victim, i imagine there's a deeply personal reason why the decided the whale was the source of all evil)

this leads to me another point op mentioned: ishmael sparing ahab.

op talks about this as a bad thing. i STRONGLY disagree.

the name of the game here is obsession. ishmael's new ego for this season is even named "blind obsession". from the 4.5 event, we saw that this obsession has been tearing her apart. several people theorized after that event, and during this canto, that she was for sure going to distort. the fact that she had a distortion effect behind her battle sprite made lots of people (including me) extremely confident that she would distort and be the boss of this chapter (outis said in part 1 that lcb doesn't need all 12 sinners to operate and you only use half in battle anyway).

if ishmael had killed ahab, she would have given into her obsession and may have *actually* distorted if she did. and she would have proven ahab completely and utterly right.

ishmael stealing away the opportunity to be the one to kill the pallid whale from ahab and leaving her to rot inside the collapsing whale with that knowledge is the best possible punishment ahab could have gotten.

that's why i didn't like the fact that ahab had survived, it felt like it defeated the point of ishmael's development and the canto itself. i changed my mind because the point of ishmael's character development was letting go of her obsession and being free from ahab, and ahab doesn't need to be dead for her to do that. and her involvement with hermann's group means an opportunity for a bigger and better comeuppance since she's probably going to have a new obsession soon enough.

[wc-confessions]

I have a few,, that are on my mind, so im just gonna put them here

I wish the Erins actually went in depth about why Frecklewish's status in StarClan was changed. that would have been SO COOL to see if maybe she was framed, or maybe Mapleshade trapped her there, or maybe she was just annoying in StarClan and knowing StarClan they just banished her without a second thought. none of this wishy-washy "oh well she didnt do anything when the river was flooded, its not like that would have just added another dead body into the mix ig idk", yeah she's a character that has done some things that are not morally right but she doesnt get excited when kits die ffs.

I like seeing Mapleshade, she's our only long-standing female villain and it makes me really happy to see her. except when she's with thistleclaw. I hope she mauled him to death in the dark forest when she found out about Spottedpaw.

I wish warriors had more non-conforming characters. characters that directly challenged leaders and didnt give a fuck about clan order. SkyClan is really cool to me for that because they have weird names, have an interesting new role that would be so helpful in the other clans, and they just... I love them. I also love Squirrelflight because she fights Brambleclaw about all his shitty decisions. fuck anyone who says that she was in the wrong for that, Brambleclaw needs to get his act together.

Erins stop getting young female characters together with older male ones i will eat your shoelaces.

it always confuses me when people say spottedleaf continued thistleclaws cycle of abuse because like... in the books where she was alive, she barely talked to Firestar. like... the rest of it was a retcon. a dumb retcon that made her look creepy but a retcon at that. she didnt at all show any affection towards firestar. they were like coworkers.

I wish we had more cats that were a) willingly healers and b) were EVIL healers. IMAGINE THE POTENTIAL...

I hate to admit this but for some really odd reason I do like LeafCrow. not in the "oh hes done nothing wrong!!" idea, but because I have this really specific fanon idea of Crow in my brain that's just... idk, i have no idea why i like it, idk why i like crow, mothpool is better, but its just in my brain and it wont go away.

i liked bluestars prophecy, squirrelflights hope, and yellowfangs secret. maybe its because i read them when i was a little younger and i have an attachment to the characters but minus sandstorms comment in SH that ruined my perception of her I liked reading them. Yay bluestar being a character thats mentally ill and has had a pattern of this thats really really relatable, yay squirrelflight fighting brambleclaw and choosing what's right, YAY yellowfang, just yay yellowfang.

and finally, transmasc Hollyleaf and transfem Lionblaze. i love them dearly.

.

[monstersinthecosmos]

okay so i just finished IWTV....... oh my god!!! oh my god. it's embarrassing how insane this book made me. for the last 50 pages or so i was regularly taking breaks to run laps around my apartment like a lunatic because i physically could not handle all the pain and angst and despair coursing through my body LOL. i got so immersed in the story i forgot pretty much all of the background for armand you'd given me (and i can't remember most of it even now!!! my mind is in shambles) and still, very organically...... he became my favorite. even despite all of the. you know. and maybe even more so BECAUSE of it. i've just never witnessed an evil so heartbreaking!!!!!!!!!!? THE ABSOLUTE DEVOTION?????? DERANGED AND UGLY AND UTTERLY BEYOND REASON????!!!! FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! i'm sorry for vomiting all over your inbox i genuinely cannot conjure up any resemblance of coherence atm!!! THANK YOU FOR POINTING ME TOWARDS SUCH LUXURIOUS PAIN i LOVE it i want MORE! <3 <3 <3

oh my god OH MY GOd ,... omg... 🥹🥹

WELCOME WELCOME YES THIS HOW I FEEL EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE I WISH I KNEW WHERE TO EVEN START 

(I really feel like just answering with this meme and not subjecting you to a wall of text but I'LL TRY !!!)

GOD LIKE WHAT THIS BOOK DOES SO SO WELL AS LIKE IMMEDIATELY GROUND FLOOR OF THE SERIES LETS US ALL KNOW THAT ALL CHARACTERS COMMIT EVILS AND ARE NOT GREAT PEOPLE BUT THEY ALL WANT TO BE LOVED AND ARE TRYING LOL. 

LIKE LOUIS MOVES FROM ABUSIVE PARTNER TO ABUSIVE PARTNER UNTIL HE’S FINALLY SO DEAD INSIDE THAT HE CAN BE BY HIMSELF AND WALK AWAY.

AND LIKE IT’S SO HARD BECAUSE YOU SEE HOW CLAUDIA FREED HIM FROM LESTAT, AND THEN ARMAND FREES HIM FROM CLAUDIA. AND SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS FUCKS ME UP SO BAD IS THAT ARMAND HAS SUCH A SKEWED MAP OF APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR BUT HE’S NOT EVIL. HE’S TRYING HIS BEST, IN THE BEST WAY HE KNOWS HOW.

Wait hang on I’ll take caps off I’m so sorry lmfao I’m just really worked up. 

I think there’s a sort of meme-ier version of this like Armand going “hi 🙂 I killed your daughter 🙂 you can kill all my friends if you want 🙂 I won’t stop you 🙂 do you like me? 🙂"

But it’s actually SO TRAGIC god. Like I read IWTV as a story about domestic abuse and the family cycle, personally, and I see Claudia as an Oedipal figure. Louis is unable to get away from Lestat until Claudia makes it happen, and Claudia winds up being so cold and cruel and he’s stuck with her until Armand frees him. And there’s a lot of conversation about like, Armand being manipulative or what he did to CREATE this, how did he push them both where he wanted them, etc, but the thing that gets me is that when Louis wants to break up, Armand lets him leave.

And like SKIP WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY IF YOU DONT WANT A SPOILER BUT LIKE I DID MENTION THIS IN MY OTHER POST  —— but if you read Lestat’s book and get the background on how he and Armand met, it’s sort of the opposite where Lestat destroys Armand’s coven and Armand is so devastated about it, vs 100 years later he ALLOWS Louis to destroy a coven. AND HE GETS THE GUY!!!! In TVL he like BEGS Lestat to be with him and Lestat isn’t interested lol but he gets to keep Louis this time.

IDK IDK IM JUST REAL EMOTIONAL. 

And like !!!!!!!! God idk. If you read more of the books you get so many indications about how people in Armand’s life don’t respect him, and a lot of times people write him off because he looks like a teenager. They don’t take the danger of him seriously, which makes him even more dangerous. But it’s so heartbreaking reading IWTV and seeing how Louis respects him so much, and sees him as wise and calm, and needs him! 

And like maybe Louis is uniquely qualified to not judge people for looking like children because he has spent the last 90 years with a vampire child and respects her as an adult, you know?

If you keep reading you’ll see how much Anne Rice like retcons or how much the continuity flops around so like EVERY book will have a Doylist vs Watsonian conversation like, she never comes out and says that Armand looks like he’s 17 in IWTV and in the later books it’s a huge point every time he’s on the page just HE’S SHORT HE’S 17 HE LOOKS LIKE A CHERUB etc and maybe that’s because she hadn’t decided that yet but also maybe Louis is the only person who fucking respects him. :) 

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

Cecio as companion thoughts

Ceio is a "my mental stability will be wayy better as a companion" kc so the main quest would be getting him to open up and embrace being neutral/chaotic good as oppose to suffering trying to be lawful & pleasing those around him. Being the kc accelerated his breakdown but as a companion there is time to help him before he goes fuck it im chaotic evil now

I think he stops being a paladin of iomadae whatever path, but if the kc was good enough at talking to him, he sees it as freedom & a positive. If he's been pushed lawful, he sees it as a major transgression and tries to atone through rigid conformity

So he can be lawful, neutral/chaotic good or chaotic evil. His father dies on both chaotic paths but Celia kills him on the good one. Not letting the father die heavily weighs him towards lawful.

Lawful- worst ending, he continues as part of the crusade as atonement for losing his paladin status [rejecting Celias offer to go with her] and is miserable inside, until he snaps and kills a superior officer, becoming an outcast/ sentenced to prison

[Lawful evil? He becomes a hellknight w Celia?]

Chaotic evil: the bad[?] ending, he becomes a politician after the 'tragic' death of his father, becoming a major player in Mendlev, and slowly tears apart the nobles and lingering crusaders he disagrees with. He's working with Celia in the shadows as some sort of revenge/Scorge removal of the corruption of the crusades

Neutral: he runs of to become a mercenary with Celia.

neutral/chaotic good: the good ending. Cecio rejects his father and lets Celia kill him, and becomes a force for justice and equality in Mendlev, helping re build it into a better place, not as atonement for losing his paladin status but as a way to build a better world. Celia proudly assists

He can be romanced by male kc's and it is very affected by how he is pushed.

what started this thinking, aka his vision in the lab,

Cecio... hmmm... on a quiet battlefeild a golden haired woman is holding him & telling them they love him, that they are sorry to have been gone and they are so proud of who he became, but then the woman continues ominously that he's just like her, which snaps him out of it [he wont admit to the kc he cant tell if its his mother or Celia] the implication being he's either 'dying' like his mother under the weight of duty or he's turning into the same monster as his sister.

[The kc as an outside force is the only one that can pull him out of the voctim/monster binary mindset & remove him from the cycle of violence]

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

halfway point only friends character rankings

(i am bad at rank so i tiered them, also i don't dislike any character this is more a scale of how many hours i lay awake thinking of them)

tier one: ray

ray: I think anyone looking at my only friends posts can immediately guess who my favourite character is and why. ray is THE character for me, i knew in the first episode before the title sequence that he'd make me extremely unwell (his "being known as a burden who is either professing his love for anyone who cares to listen or begging people not to leave him in his drunken desperation" captivated me ok) . besides relating to parts of his characters and story, i am thoroughly invested in this man and his emotions. like will he fall victim to the cycle he's already convinced he's doomed by? will he find a way out? will he continue living as self-fulfilling prophecy purely out of spite for himself and everyone around him? will he get better? can he get better? will he ever want to????????? i think i always had the potential like ray as a character but i also think the actor plays him in a way that has altered my brain forever (like i am not good at reading faces but the look on ray's face sometime feels like im looking into his thoughts, its thrilling) deciding to play ray as layered and complex and oosing with pain no matter the circumstance was a choice that made the character for me, and i also think it takes a lot of skill to have an asshole insult everyone close to him and ruin relationships he has no buissness ruining for most of his screentime and have the audience come away with "wow that guy is absoultey dripping in pain, i feel so much for him"

tier two: nick, boston, mew

nick: i love nick so much, maybe its my thing for pathetic little guys but something about him makes me scream throw shit whenever i see him. i'm obssessed with all the crime he commits, because he's such a cutie about it. like watching him get all sad listening to the topboston tape fully sympathizing with him and his little sad face to the point i forget he only has the tape cause he WIRETAPPED BOSTONS CAR. just excellant character, i hope his crimes being revealed leads to him looking more pathetic and then becoming 5x more evil but 10x more cute about it (i also am desperate to know what comes of him chasing after a man who has made it clear so many times he doesn't want him only for nick to fall harder like what is up with that)

boston: boston has always been a favourite character of mine because he may not be a good friend and he may not be a good person but one thing he will NEVER not be is entertaining. like if he is on screen your ass will be tuned IN, and for that reason i love him. what i want to see from boston in the rest of the series? i think he is an interesting case of how far is to far when it comes to friends doing you dirty, and im interested to see what the lasting impact to his relationships are and then the impact to how he views relationships in general. i think it'd be nice if there were consequences that made him reavaluate the way he treats other people, but i also find it absolutely necessary for him to retain his sluttiness. like it doesnt hurt anyone else, and i think he genuienly enjoys it, so i hope he keeps it along with his love for photogrphy (would love to see him get more into getting consent of people before he records them and spreads that around tho) stay messy my king 🫡

mew: mew was my designated little guy after watching the first episode but kinda got lost in all my love for sandray. i will say he shot back up towards the top after seeing this one post (i cannot find it now its lost under the thousands that have been posted since) about mew, control, and bdsm (and all the new meta that has come out since too tbh). also realizing around epsiode 4 we knew absoultey nothing about him as a person had me watching everything he did like there would be little clues left. i think its safe to say after episode 6 that the relationhip between sex and control will continue to be interesting as well as WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENS TO MAKE HIM ACT UP LIKE THAT IN THE BATHTUB anyway... i am here for his villain?? era

tier 3: top, sand, cheum

(again i tiered them cause im not good at straight ranking and this doesn't mean i like them any less its just they make me personally a little less insane then the others do)

top: i think he needs to be topped by mew and that it has the potential fix him, i've thought about this a lot (A LOT) and thats all i have to say.

sand: i am still kinda obsessed with him, like don't get me wrong. i like the way he mirrors the other characters while still maintaining traits that are specific to him. the fact that he has his heart broken by the belief that ray didn't truly care about him and only saw him as a distraction, distinced himself from ray, took insults and physical attacks from ray, and STILL chased after him because he knew ray was in an unsafe headspace speaks to how strong this guy is, cause you saw everyone else in that bar abondon ray to whatever self-destructive thing he decided to do next but not sand, never sand. anyway maybe its because i relate to ray so much that whenever i see sand on screen or think about him my mind gets overtaken by hearteyes (this is my way of saying i don't have many coherent thoughts about sand in my brain theres just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰) anyway i can't wait to see how he develops, if we meet the sandtop mutual ex and what chaos that brings, and whatever the fuck happens with the sandray codependency dynamic and i am dying to know if he does indeed have something in his past related to driving under the influence and what it is about ray specifically that made mr "i can seperate love and sex" into the character we see now

cheum: my girl isn't in the show as often but whenever shes on screen with april i have to smile. anyway i wonder if we'll get an explaination as to why shes always presurring the rest of the friendgroup into monogamous relationships or if thats just who she is (i do think her lying to april about how she feels in order to keep them together at all costs was an interesting detail in all this, like is she scared of what it means to be single/alone, does she feel intense pressure to be in a certain type of relationship, etc)

anways this is inspired by @thatgirl4815 and my autocorrect broke so sorry if this makes now sense

[lesbianyosano]

Just kind of a general plot question bcs I feel like I’m blanking here. I know that within the story one of the huge themes are cycles of abuse (specifically among the port mafia characters) like the whole mori-> dazai -> akutagawa-> kyouka(?) situation but for the life of me I can’t remember what exactly the dazai mori catalyst beginning of the cycle event was. Obviously odas death was the big betrayal of trust that broke dazai away from the mafia, and there was that whole killing the former pm leader deal(was that it though??) because Ik fandom has a tendency of portraying mori as this cartoonishly evil abuser when he’s more complex then that (even if I don’t personally like him lol) but I feel like I’m completely forgetting everything about that whole dynamic lol. I hope you have a great day!

honestly i dont think there really exists a catalyst like that. i think the discussion about mori and dazai's relationship tends to get really weird bc it's always treated as a singular abusive situation between the 2 of them, completely taken out of context. as in, "mori's an abusive creep and everyone around him actually hates him for it", with disregard for the context of his interactions with dazai.

they are both mafia members, their relationship cannot be a healthy and supportive one specifically because of that. mori's manipulation and grooming isn't out of place, it's what funtioning in that system requires of him, the same way it's what was later required of dazai with akutagawa. it's less about mori being someone who's personally irredeemable and more that mafia needs to continually raise its new members to continue to exist, the abuse is systematic and will never cease to be treated as a tool as long as the organization is still in place. i'd argue it's the reason why beast mori manages to change and become a much more sympathetic version of himself. his relationship with yosano is similar, the abuse takes place because the military allows it. obviously mori is still very much complicit, but his utalitarian approach can only go so far due to the lack of institutional response

and i think this perception of abuse as something that only exists, and is perpetrated on, on a personal level is also what leads to this weird mischaracterization of mori's relationship with chuuya and kouyou. you see this in fanfics a lot, when they both secretly hate him because he's a pedo and abused dazai, which is absolute bullshit. they don't hate him, they seem to enjoy spending time with him even when they don't need to. they are both extremely loyal and strive to keep as him the pm boss, neither ever raises concerns to how he treats dazai, and elise also never gets commented on. fundamentally, they are no better than him. they are a part of this same organisation and it is in their interest to keep the power structure as it is. kouyou tries to groom and manipulate kyouka, projecting onto her, similarly how mori does with dazai. chuuya talks about wanting q dead (despite the weirdly popular hc that they're close and familiar). and im not saying this because i think anyone should hate them, or that people need to love mori all of a sudden, but because ignoring this flattens all of them as characters. they are meant to be bad people, in huge part because they choose to be (they could all leave the mafia the way dazai did lmao)

mori (i think) gets the most hate also because of his perceived sexual deviancy. you see this a lot, where people will make non stop jokes about characters being murderers/war criminals and how it's actually fun and cool (it is), but the moment the crimes go into a territory of sexual offense (sometimes real and sometimes perceived), those crimes can no longer be excused, and everything else about the character is forgotten. the lolicon gag with mori and elise is. weird yeah and it's perfectly fine to be uncomfortable with it, but as far as we know, there is nothing to indicate mori has ever sexually abused a child, the deal with elise is unclear, even if there are some questionable comments. and again, im not saying this to make him more likable or to make him less of a creep, it's just that i dont think this characterizaton leads anywhere, other than a twisted perception of like. half of the cast

sorry for going off asdgsafhdf ive been meaning to talk about this and you have unfortunately given me space to do so </3

[burning-thistles-bt]

I looked at various characters, and now im showing you guys it. I'll send in the other few character analysises after this.

Robinstorm reads as a grooming victim to me, the way he acts is akin to how spottedpaw had acted with thistlestar, albeit it was not romantic or sexual, he displays most of the same behaviours that grooming victims do.

He also displays the same behaviours and reactions of a traumatized child (meek, people pleaser, scared, etc) towards Lightningfur, to the point he was willing to literally exile himself to go with her because he didnt know who he was if he was not lightningfurs former apprentice

From the scenes that we've seen and behaviours in later chapters, Lightningfur physically abused him (and possible also mentally abused robinstorm) to the point he has scars and a torn ear (iirc)

He is unhealthily attaches himself to her, idolizing her the same way spottedpaw had idolized thistleclaw, in robins mind, lightningfur can do no wrong and do no evil, even after seeing her slaughter her own mother, the cat that birthed and raised her with love.

He also shows major panic and fear at the fact he considers himself to be "replaced" by featherpaw, he doesnt want lightningfur to discard him

He also quite literally cannot/does not know how to function like a proper clan member without lightningfur, he was literally forced into silence about what she did to him and how he was treated.

This also all happened while he was still mentally developing (aprox. 0-9 in human years, which converted should be aprox. 0-13 moons in wc time) and was easily impressionable, lightningfur employed groomer tactics (a.e threatening to hurt him if he spoke out, which is exactly what most groomers do), attacked him, i dont really like using this term but, she literally brain washed him into seeing her as literally unable to do no wrong/better than starclan and that what she did to him was normal.

He literally considers himself to be completely worthless and worse than dirt if he is not being ordered around by Lightningfur, seen by how hes implied to literally constantly try to be the perfect apprentice/warrior and make her proud him

This may be me overanalysing but whatever, also robinstorm reminds me of Choice by Jack Stauber and Pure as a lamb by Baby Bug :3c

HELL YES I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANALYSIS

you are SPOT ON literally Lightningfur is just continuing the cycle of abusing a kid, because Thistlestar did similar to Tigerstar as well (and obviously he was sexually grooming Spottedleaf, Grasswhisker, etc. as well). Lightningfur is NOT A GOOD CAT. At all. She HAS moments of "goodness," but not only is she OPENLY horrible about her actions, but in secret, she is way worse.

All of Robinstorm's scars ARE FROM HER, or her training. SHE RIPPED HIS EAR OFF and then told him not to tell anyone and also insisted he didn't need medical care for it! She wanted him to be strong and powerful and when it turned out, hey, babies don't come out the womb fighting soldiers, she was pissy and didn't want to "waste" the effort on him. She just wanted him to magically become good, but obviously he CAN'T, and he internalizes that. He just wants to be good for her, but he also knows that she doesn't give a shit about him!

While she doesn't give Stormpaw any scars, she is very verbally abusive and demeaning towards him too, even neglectful as a parental figure. The only reason she didn't hurt him physically too is because he was Silverstream's kit.

She was kinder and better towards Featherpaw for the sole fact that, not only was Featherpaw Silverstream's kit too, but Featherpaw looks like Silverstream. And Lightningfur would never hurt Silverstream.

All of this is 100% correct.

[dhdhhehdndbdbd]

oh. just kind of realized that i didn't love like you i shouldve. looking back at those texts; i am everything to you; you are just a burden to me. thats a harsh way of saying it. but i didnt love you like you deserved.. get hurt so much you eventually turn into the red flag, i guess..

i dont blame myself for pursuing it at the beginning. i think i was so tired of being hurt, so tired of being the one led on, so tired of being the one to be crushed, so tired of being used and hurt. i wanted nothing to hurt me again.

so when i found you, i guess i went searching for someone i knew wouldn't hurt me. even if it meant i wasnt all the way in, even if it meant that i didnt reciprocate what i had to. i was tired of being the one hurt.

i hurt you.

i needed a reminder that someone could love me; that someone out there was good, and could be good to me. even if it meant that im now the one hurting others.

maybe it wasn't right of me. maybe i shouldnt have continued it... but i couldn't stop. i mean, it was only 3 months. i know you will be sad and i know it will hurt but at least i didnt take up more of your time. we didnt spend real money, we didn't make any real decisions for each other. we're not married, there's no kids, etc. there's still a lot of hope out there for us.

its not right to expect you to be sitting there whenever i want to call. just because im lonely and i miss you. its not right to you. of course id like to check up on you and see how you're doing but i also need to respect you. (although, ive made it clear to him that if he needs space, i will go away. i think for now hes okay with keeping contact because there's the chance we will get back together).

ive been thinking, maybe this is how cam felt? of course, its not really comparable, since he was selfish and treated me badly, but wanting to continue contact afterwards? yeah, he mustve lost feelings for me but still wanted me around. well, i will not repeat what you've done. hunter has the right to slam that door the moment he feels like it, as i did with you. slam the door and don't look back. leave me here - i am full of love for you, and i always will be, but i must find my own place as well. dont we both deserve to find the ones for us?

im not an evil person. im not a bad person. i think i was hurt and just wanted to try something. i felt love, full and ready, and i wanted to drown in it, because i felt like id been starved. i just went through shit, repeated cycles, self-sabotaged, self-harmed. i wasnt ready to date when we dated. did you heal me? i think in little ways, yes. your love distracted me from the pain and reminded me of what pure, unconditional love felt like. and that i was enough. that someone would stick around for me... why? im not sure why. you really liked me, i guess.

we might. we might go on a date in the fall. maybe he'll come over to my dorm and we'll finally cook and i'll show you my new room. maybe i'll see how it feels then.

but for now its the end. the end of this, the end of us.

ive loved you, hunter. maybe it was not as full and real as it should've, because you were all in for me. (so fast? really?). but even so it meant so much to me. it impacted me so deeply. your love reached an ache, and for a moment, things were quiet. but that moment dissipated as soon as it came, and id be back to questioning if i should be with you. you deserve someone who is as sure as you. i loved you but not enough. i wasnt in love. it was comfortable, it was nice, it was reliable.

hah, thats what you said the last time you saw me. "it was nice".

it was. i hope you heal and i hope you find where you belong one day.

[maurenislife]

Andrew tate is insightful for the wrong reasons.

Sinful p

Life and scars

Shid the list go on, kevin Samuels…

Its a lens into how men think and operate

They at odds w/ what system they have built against us women they continue to uphold the hypocrisy.

They want the madonna and the mary all at once cause they cannot sort through how that even works.

I am at my rope actually cause this didnt work n i prayed n i tried being as bare bones as possible it hurt me but now its like a bruise ik he aint coming back n i kinda dont care for the reason is ^^^

Those men are insightful leading me into a mans brain where all the thoughts are on a playground corresponding with eachother

Each archetype playing together in harmony or leavin the others on the bench to watch play….

Its semi easy to decipher where a man head at cause youll always know your destination and place as a woman

“Eventually the trash or a memory”

Then women who get married are now

Property, or if u have a nigga baby you are property too.

If you are his significant other you will eventually become a memory or replaced

Cycle continues,

Nobody better than anybody,

Upgrade or downgrade

Pretty or ugly sex good or bad it honestly doesnt matter who gets my spot when i leave, cause most women lie to keep men around, if it was the truth what more is their 2 uncover and soon what rlly is there to like or love about you?

You are on the way out as soon as u fully step in, so enjoy ur time hold him tight cause it will all be over!

Idk how i made it almost 3 years with a man

He rlly did love my guts, i was just so hateful inside. I thought a boyfriend is what i wanted cause i never had one

I loved him too i just wanted to go be free, i hated the questions about my life n why im like this why i gotta change, i was suppressing myself cause i wanted something normal like to spend holidays w

Start a family w, until we would fight n im like why tf i wanna go thru all this just to say i got a nigga ?

Im crying in our closet watching sermons at the time i was still mildly religious

Im like god plz come save me plzzz

And he never did i had to save myself put my cats life at risk put my life and his at risk all to call it quits nobody says how traumatic it is when somebody suicidal u gotta break up w dem u look so evil n im not evil

At 25 i can truly say WHAT IN THE FUCK 🤣