#everyone is talking about how kendall is evil and becoming the New Logan

[sarcastic-clapping]

if kendall roy has a million fans i’m one of them. if kendall roy has one fan it’s me. if kendall roy has no fans i am dead.

[homosexualmanslaughter]

‘You Have Been Weighed, You Have Been Found Wanting’: On Kendall as His Father (Or Not)

This is going to be another long post, so I apologise in advance, but as the world’s premier Kendall Royologist (jk), I had to give my take on where we are after episode four.

I want to start by saying that for me, when it comes down to it, ultimately, none of this is the fault of the Roy kids. For the siblings, whatever happens, wherever they end up, it’s not their fault. They are products of a lifetime of abuse, and I cannot stop having so much compassion (maybe too much, I’ll admit it) for them as they try and survive it, even though they do such heinous things.

I want to talk about Kendall. I say it all the time when it comes to him, but my poor boy. Oh, my poor babe. My heart aches. I spent the entire evening after watching ‘Honeymoon States’ thinking about all the new dark and terrifying avenues that have opened up, and feeling nauseous about it. None of it is satisfying for me, and objectively I don’t even find it to be a glorious, villainous volte-face. I can’t say ‘slay he’s in his villain era’, because it’s so sad to me. It’s just so sad. His behaviour in that episode shows how deeply rooted his trauma is, and how it might actually be an inescapable force. And that’s so sad.

This episode was about the two sides of Kendall. One, true Kendall; and two, the constructed Kendall. Both products of the abuse in different ways. Here they are, contrasted:

It’s so telling that we start and end the episode with these polar opposite moments.

The first, this is the real Kendall. We can see him. So broken, so bereft, so without identity, so lost without the person to whom he was trauma bonded, the person against whom he defined his entire being. What’s going to be easier, confronting that? Or - simply - just going mad? He’s going mad in the Othello and Macbeth sense, befitting for the end of a Shakespearean tragedy. And it’s Logan’s doing, even from beyond the grave. This is what I’m going to talk about in this post.

Kendall wasn’t born a “killer”. It’s not something etched into his soul. It’s something he’s learnt, an unnatural quality that he’s had to develop. When he ‘turns’ at the end of this episode, it’s not “Logan’s DNA showing through after all”. It’s not “he’s in his evil era”. This is a man who is so paralysed by the fear of confronting a life without Logan (due to their trauma bond) that he would prefer to become him as a form of coping, even though it will inevitably kill him.

His smile at the end is not one of liberation, it is the smile of a man who has been utterly psychologically broken.

Yeah, his initials spell ‘KLR’. But this isn’t merely a clumsy way of telling us that he’s a killer. It’s a way of signifying that his identity is so deeply entwined with Logan that he is (or feels as if he is) nothing without him. ‘Logan’ is at the heart of his name - right in the centre. He can’t be free of him, because the chain has been on him since he was named as a baby.

Who knows what was going on in that old man’s head when he edited that letter? I see that the underlined/crossed debate is going to dominate discourse for the week, but I think it’s utterly meaningless.

It does not matter at all what Logan INTENDED to write. It’s what Kendall perceives that counts. La mort de l’auteur, literally.

In that piece of paper, Kendall sees a potential confirmation of everything he ever wanted to hear, and he articulates these desires explicitly to Frank: he needs to believe it was underlined, because that means he was wanted, he was loved, he wasn’t a mistake, he wasn’t a failure.

He pretends to have already known that Logan did sudoku, to kid himself and everyone else into believing that they were close. He’s going mad - like all Shakespearean tragic protagonists are. He’s being driven mad by his need to believe that Logan wanted him.

Personally, I think it was underlined. Not because Kendall was his favourite all along, but because he was the one Logan most wanted to control. The role of CEO is a chain to them, it’s an embodiment of Logan’s hold on them. By dangling it in front of him, Logan can keep Kendall chained and controlled and under his thumb, even after death.

As @kaiyashunyata on Twitter phrased it: it doesn’t matter if Kendall’s name is underlined or crossed out. What matters is the uncertainty of it and how Logan can taunt his children and spark their ruin even after death.

And it’s why capitalism and the family are so intwined, and why it’s admirable that the show does a great job of showing this.

Jeremy Strong articulates this entire dynamic so insightfully and elegantly:

Your father makes you a promise: this is your destiny, this is your birthright. Capitalism promises people the same thing. Both are completely empty and misleading.

But Kendall is so desperate to feel as if his life has meaning, so desperate to know he was loved, that he’s willing to chase the false dream anyway.

Because - ever since childhood - CEO has been held up to all the children (but especially Kendall) as the only thing that gives you worth as a person. And Kendall needs to believe that he has worth in the eyes of his father because, without that, he’s nothing. Or at least he thinks he’s nothing, that’s the impact of a trauma bond.

We know that he’s not nothing. Stewy knows it. Rava knows it. Naomi knows it. His siblings and children know it. But he has been trauma bonded to someone who made his love a rare and valued commodity, and without it, he doesn’t feel like there’s any reason for him to exist at all.

It’s the often repeated metaphor again of Logan’s love as the sun - when you’re in it, you are covered in light and feel invincible. Without it, you are left to die in the dark.

I think that’s why the hug scene is significant but also tragic. It’s the only other time we see Kendall as himself in this episode, and in the company of another person at that. And he only lets it show for a few seconds, before the brave face returns. Stewy is so right when he skeptically perceives Kendall’s run for CEO as “diving into work”. That’s exactly what he’s doing, to avoid confronting the dark realities.

If Stewy’s love could save him, he would be saved already. But only Logan’s love is enough for him.

One of the cruelest things about the will letter is that it makes it so clear that ‘CEO’ is a stand-in for love, approval, acceptance. The kids (well the Strong Dogs at least, Kendall and Shiv) are ready to kill each other over it - days after tenderly holding each other outside Teterboro Airport - because they have been so brainwashed into seeing it as the be all and end all of their entire existences.

Kendall, who loves his baby sister. Who held her hand when she was crying and succumbs to her puppy dog eyes in seconds. Kendall, who is willing - in an instant - to go back to war with Shiv, because that’s all they’ve been taught to do. That’s their purpose. Their reason for life.

And Kendall is severely mentally ill, I think that needs to be made very clear.

Frank sees the danger of it. “You seem so well…” Frank says, and Kendall is for all appearances, for that beautiful bit of time when he’s free of the war.

But of course, despite Frank’s advice and reservations, Kendall can’t help but be drawn back into the war. Because he feels it’s the only way to define his identity now that his trauma bonded abuser isn’t there to do it for him.

And when he blackmails Hugo? When he uses Logan’s style of violent sexual language? This isn’t a new era for him. It’s not villainy. It’s the same Ken we saw at the very start of S1, trying so desperately to ape his father, to be his father, taking ideas right out of Logan’s playbook. But he’ll fail.

And he’ll fail because, at the end of the day, he isn’t Logan.

Kendall manipulates people. He emotionally blackmails Stewy and his siblings (especially Roman). Out of bitterness, he demands that Frank spread lies about two women being sluts and junkies. He withholds important information for his own use later. He threatens to “burn” Greg after showing him kindness. He uses violent sexual language in business settings. He calls the vote of no confidence. He makes the groundbreaking press conference. He goes in aggressive.

These are Logan’s lessons, this is what Logan means when he says “he learnt it from me”. However, they fail. They’ll always fail.

Whatever he does, he’ll never convince.

The sexually violent language is especially interesting, because it never hits the same. Kendall threatens to fuck Lawrence “with a silver dildo”, very similar to the way in which he threatens to use “the strap-on” with Hugo. False penises, artificial implements, unnatural, not part of his body. He threatens to cut Stewy’s dick off, another emasculating act that doesn’t involve him personally penetrating anyone. The only time he physically involves himself in his sexual metaphors is when he viscerally describes giving Lawrence a blowjob.

Like Tom says so succinctly in season three, Kendall is always the one who is going to get fucked.

Kendall isn’t Logan, no matter how much he thinks that achieving that goal will heal him. Kendall wasn’t hardened by poverty, or the suffocating patriarchal norms of the 1940s and 50s. He is sensitive and lonely and emotional and weak and insecure and vulnerable. He is desperate to be none of those things. In trying and failing to be Logan, he’s unwittingly showing who he really is.

But he is a fighter. And that’s the thing Logan always feared. That is the person Logan raised - yes, “the best of all of them”, but also someone with the grit to potentially escape. And that is what was unacceptable and terrifying.

We root for Kendall because we know - we have seen - that he has to ability to break free. We also know, from Chiantishire, that his deepest desire is to be free. To be unchained. To be released from this never-ending cycle of abuse and pain.

We’re terrified of that razor-thin tightrope he walks, because we know that it could (and probably is) going to all go wrong. We’re scared of the prospect that some people are doomed, are beyond help, are beyond saving. As with the best tragic Shakespeare protagonists, we love Kendall, but we know deep down that he can never be free. That is the crushing reality of abuse as a metaphor for capitalism. It’s heartbreaking.

Logan chose Kendall as CEO not because he was his ‘favourite’, but because Kendall was the one he most wanted to control. CEO is the perfect means by which to keep him chained, controlled and enthralled to the empty dream, even from beyond the grave.

For Logan, and for capitalism as a whole, to love is to control.

[tomwambsmilk]

Racoonstar Ratco... Im intrigued

@localgays2

@lastfridgemagnetleft

I am SO GLAD you all asked!! You WILL regret it :)

raccoonstar ratco is an AU that vi @togansweep and I developed on a Friday night in June 2022 over the course of 4 hours on Discord while getting increasingly drunk on white wine. It has EVERYTHING. evil tomgreg. were-creatures. President Connor. planes. tom and greg trying to kill each other. unethical medical experimentation. world war III. frogan AND togan. mpreg. the sewers of tuscany. Kendall going on a personal apology journey. the culinary arts. melodrama. Marie Kondo.

It all began with one concept - every month Tom reads a different productivity book with a different productivity system and then makes Greg completely overhaul their workflow setup for whatever the newest system is. That's how he ends up making Greg "Marie Kondo" his office, which does NOT work because when he asks Geg what 'sparks joy' the only things Greg did NOT say yes to were highly important files about revenue projections and ad contracts. Tom did not immediately realize that this was a fucking stupid thing to get rid of, and so Greg spent Friday night dumpster diving behind the Waystar building. After this Tom starts calling Greg his "little raccoon", at first as a joke and then suddenly unironically oops what happened there. One day he asks an admin assistant to get xyz numbers from “his little raccoon” before the afternoon meeting within earshot of Logan, who takes a week to process and then decides it’s a dominance thing and starts referring to his own minions as little raccoons.

Of course, the rumour that Greg was going through Tom’s trash spreads through LackeySlack like wildfire. Greg knows if Tom catches him fully denying it he’ll throw shit at him but he needs to save face, so he says that Tom had left something sensitive in there and asked him to retrieve it. This, unfortunately, just makes everything worse. The rumour reaches Logan, who won't accept the way tom is handling sensitive documents, leaving them in the trash and all; especially now he's in a higher position. So he calls him to his office, and after giving him some angry speech he calls tom "my little racoon" and they have hatesex (togan real!!). Afterwards they change the company name to Gaystar Boyco and double down on their economic conservatism in an attempt not to fully lose their base. They're campaigning for gay rights AND the obliteration of the social safety net. Anyways eventually somehow Frank gets involved and they have a three-way and Frank gets pregnant because surprise! This is an abo au but only when we want it to be. Frank is actually pregnant with twins, one from Tom and one from Logan.

Poor Greg is still out dumpster-diving behind Waystar, and Events Transpire and he gets turned into a were-raccoon and goes into hiding because he's afraid of how everyone will react. One day, Tom’s taking the Frank babies out for a stroll when a giant NYC rat with latent lycanthropy tries to launch itself into the baby carriage, as New York rats do. Tom bravely defends them but is bitten and becomes a wererat. When Tom first gets bitten he’s Ashamed of his transformation and hides in the sewers with the other wererats. Wereraccoon Greg hasn’t spoken to him since togan became a thing, but he hears about the rat attack on the news and then Tom’s apparent disappearance and gets concerned, so he hits up his were-network to figure out where he might be. He sneaks into the sewer system to talk to Tom, knowing that the were-rats and the were-raccoons are mortal enemies, and if he’s caught he’ll almost certainly be killed. Tom refuses to speak to him at first but Greg is persistent, and eventually they begin carrying on a secret romance. Greg finds out that ratfucker Sam and Tom had an affair before Greg was able to track Tom down, and in a fit of anguish he kills ratfucker Sam. As it turns out ratfucker Sam was a high-ranking werewolf, and so Greg is banished from the were-community of NYC. Greg flees the country, and Tom, devastated, goes after him.

Tom learns that Greg, post-banishment, has been living in a sewer in Paris and goes there to find him. Greg is delighted to see him but embarrassed by the abode, he serves Tom a home-cooked meal that he made from scavenged garbage can scraps which he keeps apologizing for. It’s the best meal Tom’s ever eaten, including ortolan. Which is when Tom sees the plan - they’ll start a world-class restaurant using Greg’s amazing culinary skills and Tom’s business acumen.

At this point we had a slight interruption from @eastgaysian:

Anyways. As mentioned above Greg writes a biography of their smashing success as were-creatures in the restaurant business and Tom edits it to focus on their torrid and passionate affair and this goes back and forth for a while.

(This conversation was in our pre-Tommy milk days, so after Tommy milk became a thing we retconned this part of the AU so that their success was because of the rich Tommy Milk they used in their dishes, which was at its best when Tom was drunk off white wine from a very particular region of France. They eventually built a small empire selling Tom's milk on the side, but the board got greedy and started keeping Tom drunk all the time and eventually Greg got fed up with them treating Tom like an actual cow and took Tom and fled back to NYC where Tom had the worst hangover of his life.)

What about the Roy siblings? What have they been up to? Well, for a little while they tried to write an op-ed to take down Logan, but they couldn't agree on what to say so they all wrote competing op-eds and sued each other over it. This particular storyline is so universally critically panned (bc yes this is all happening on Succession the show) that in Season 5 their private jet disappears over the Atlantic Ocean and they’re never heard from again - except for Connor, who becomes the President. He also learns of Tom and Greg’s plight and is motivated to introduce legislation to end discrimination against were-creatures, for which he wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Connor is such a well-loved president that they abolish term limits and he stays president for 20 years, until the Frank + Tom's baby is old enough to run for office office. The Tank baby runs against him and it’s a perfect 50-50 tie, AND a 50-50 tie in the senate or whatever the tiebreaker is (idk I’m not American), so in the end they decide to simply co-rule.

In the meantime, Tom and Greg have started their own company, called Racconstar Ratco, which becomes incredibly successful, allowing them to take over Waystar Royco/Gaystar Boyco. They become the richest and most powerful were-men in the world - so powerful, in fact, eventually through their political influence non-were-people become an oppressed class. In order to work at raccoonstar ratco you have to be turned into a wererat or wereraccoon; people who have been turned are known as "purebloods". Marriage between were and non-were people becomes culturally taboo, largely due to a massive campaign on the part of raccoonstar ratco. The children of were-people and non-were people are looked down upon by people on both sides of the political spectrum.

30 years into this the Roy siblings emerge into this strange new world - their plane was simply caught in a time warp! They must struggle to find their footing and advocate for themselves and their fellow non-werepeople. (Also they learn that Logan and Frank both died in a bizarre skidoo accident that was never fully explained.) They also discover that Connor has been turned into a were-raccoon by Greg. Were-raccoon Connor is a well-kept secret, though, bc Connor for the last 10 years has been running on a platform of non-were people rights in order to get elected, and then simply not following through bc raccoonstar ratco funds his campaigns. Even the Tank baby doesn’t know - in fact, the Tank baby was secretly turned into a were-rat by Tom. Greg knows that Connor is a were-raccoon and Tom knows that the Frank baby is a were-rat, but they each turned their respective guy in order to have a Personal Edge, so they’re hiding it from each other.

For the first time in their lives the Roy siblings experience what it's like to be truly repressed, and this causes some revelations. Kendall goes on an arduous personal journey to apologize to very single person he feels he discriminated against. Kendall also offers to accompany Shiv and Roman on their own personal apology journeys, but they are Not Interested. When he finally gets back, they decide they need to kill Tom and Greg. They decide to leak the truth about Connor and the Tank baby being were-creatures in the hope this will start a revolution, but it fails miserably, and they’re arrested by officers of raccoonstar ratco (who also fund law enforcement) for disturbing the peace and fomenting revolution. They can't even find a non-were lawyer, because everyone has been turned into a were-person at this point and the Roy siblings minus Connor are the only normal people left.

After the trial they don't have to go to prison, but instead they're put in some sort of zoo as an exhibit. Tom visits Shiv in her cell, secretly, with cameras off and no guards watching, to offer her a deal - let him turn her into a wererat and they can rule raccoonstar ratco together. Tom’s becoming increasingly convinced that the only true pure were-race is the were-rat, and he wants to suppress other were-races, including were-raccoons. (It’s a difficult decision for him because he does love Greg, but he simply cannot ignore the biological differences between them any longer.)

(Also they’ll change the name to ratstar ratco. Obviously.)

Shiv refuses, because of course. Tom is upset, but he will not let this stop him from starting the were-rat revolution. Because he does love Greg and can't just leave him behind he decides to do an experiment and bites Greg during sex to see if he can turn him from a were-raccoon into a were-rat. It ends up turning Greg into a bizarre were-rat-raccoon hybrid. Truly monstrous to look at - the overload of lycanthropy in his system means that he now physically resembles both a rat and a raccoon at all times. He loses the ability to speak human language. Tom is absolutely devastated, utterly heartbroken. He summons the best were-doctors to try and fix Greg, to no avail. Ultimately, he decides the most loving thing to do is put Greg out of his misery - but Greg overhears him discussing this plan with the were-doctor and flees into the Nevada desert. There he lives out his days in peace, and at some point he runs into, surprise surprise, the Contessa who has also turned into a rat raccoon hybrid. They make babies and start a new species.

Meanwhile, Tom is utterly depressed without Greg. He's lost all his will to live, and has no idea how to move on with his life. The Contessa still technically had a valid claim to the throne of Luxembourg, so once their children are of age they decide to move to Europe and attempt to assert the claim. It goes poorly, and in the end they end up taking the throne in a violent coup, implementing a reign of terror throughout Luxembourg. This shocks Tom, who assumed Greg was dead (and is also apparently immortal bc otherwise this timeline is well and truly fucked).

In the meantime, Tom had successfully taken were-rat power in the Americas, suppressing all other races. This means that the Americas are now a pure-blood wererat paradise, and Europe is a land where mixed-were creatures reign supreme. Tom is angry and betrayed that Greg ran off and married the contessa and had children with her. Greg is angry and betrayed that Tom tried to kill him (also he eventually learned to speak again with the contessa’s help). Using Frank + Tom’s co-president daughter as a go-between, they attempt to meet at a political summit on neutral ground. They end up declaring war on each other. (Tom is not technically the president but since his daughter is he can basically do that).

They’re neck and neck for a long time. Countless losses are suffered on both sides, giving rise to significant anti-war sentiments in both countries. Tom tries to murder the Contessa; Greg tries to destroy the ratstar ratco building. Eventually the anti-war sentiment rises to a fever pitch, and both of them are subject to violent revolution from their own people and are forced to flee. (The contessa is tragically killed in the revolution). Each of them individually decided to flee to Italy, the location of their last truly happy memories together. (Italy somehow avoided getting caught up in the war). They each, individually decide to visit the Tuscan sewers.

They see each other in the sewers for the first time in years. They are overwhelmed with emotion. Tom starts weeping. Greg also starts weeping. They lay their weapons down. They embrace. They kiss. They make love. (In the sewer). They forgive each other.

And finally, after having so many babies with other people, they have babies with each other. They live in the sewer with their children for many years, a peaceful, simple life, full of old joys they had long forgotten about. They start cooking together again, something they hadn't done since their time in Paris. Their children grow up and have their own children. Before long, they are the patriarchs of a thriving Tuscan sewer were-rat-raccoon colony with a deep devotion to the culinary arts. It has been many years since they’ve had contact with the outside world.

Then one day, one of their descendants has news. She has met someone… from outside the colony.

They are initially thrown into a panic. What if their carefully crafted ecosystem comes crashing down? What if this interloper drives a wedge between them? What if they HATE GARLIC? WHAT IF THEY HATE CHEESE?? But then they take some time to reflect on their own hard-earned life experiences, and they realize that no good will come from standing in the way of love. After all, look what happened to them. So, they agree to meet her beau.

What she did NOT tell them, though, is that her beau is not a were-person at all.

Something UTTERLY UNHEARD OF in this day and age.

How can this be???????

Well, as it turns out…..

Frank had a third child.

With KARL.

When he walks into the sewer, Tom IMMEDIATELY recognizes him… he’d know that nose anywhere. He doesn’t know who the other father is, but that’s 110% a Frank baby. He sighs at the thought of adding this to his family tree, which is already complicated enough.

(Genuinely his immediate worry is not even the genetic makeup but the very literal and EXTRAORDINARILY complex pepe silvia-esque family tree diagram he and Greg have carved into the sewer walls. And by "he and Greg" I really mean just Tom because Greg does not see the point. Their conversations about it always go along the lines of "uuuh yes, great Tom! it looks, like, really good!" "It does not look good Greg, it's utterly and completely wrong!!! have you been listening to a word I'm saying??")

Tom is shocked, but he puts that aside. They have dinner. (This new Frank baby objects to neither garlic nor cheese, which is a relief.) However, they’ve been in this sewer for so long, eventually he has to ask - what news of the outside world? The new Frank baby tells him that after the revolution that unseated him and Greg, the globe entered an unprecedented era of peace. All types of were-people lived together in harmony. And eventually, after much lobbying, even the Roy siblings were released from their captivity. However, several years ago Connor disappeared under mysterious circumstances, and Tom’s daughter with Frank has been slowly and steadily consolidating an alarming amount of power.

(Tom sighs as he realizes his genes have once again possibly fucked over the entire civilized world. "Tom don't worry, it happens to the best of us!" Greg says. “Of course you would say that, Greg, it’s your fucking family that got us in this mess in the first place”. Tom is very tempted to throw his plate of food at Greg's head, but they've been to couples therapy where he learned that whenever he has an urge like this he has to name 15 different types of cheese in his head to calm himself down.)

After much soul-searching, Tom decides that he must travel to America to confront his daughter. The thought is frightening. He has not left this sewer in many, many years. Greg offers to go with him, but Tom feels this is something he must do alone. He travels to America, hoping his daughter will remember him. She does, and he is granted an audience with her. He is led into the Oval Office, but no one else is in there. He sits on a couch and waits. Eventually, the door opens, and in walks his daughter. And then, following close behind…..

SHIV

Tom is in shock. How could this be!?!?!?!?!!? 

Well. It turns out that while the Roy siblings were in there zoo, Shiv started devising a plan, should they ever be released, to overcome the were-people and return the world to its “natural order”. But first, she needed to find a non-were person she had no biological relation to to procreate with. When she was released, she studied the annals of what happened while they were stuck in the time warp, and learned of the two Frank babies. But she was sharp, and when she kept digging, she saw signs of a third. She tracked down the Krank baby and persuaded him to give her some of his sperm that she could pair with some of her eggs. (She did not fully explain her plan, she just offered him a fuckton of money, and he was super broke.) She then approached the Elon musk Frogan baby, and together they developed an artificial womb and then a cloning facility, where they’ve been essentially growing a secret army of non-were people. 

But Shiv needed political leverage. So, she approached the president - Tom’s daughter, who felt abandoned by Tom after the whole World War III debacle. She persuaded her that the problem was Tom’s were-rat nature, and that were-people were evil. She convinced her to use her political leverage to kill Connor and give Shiv access to the White House while consolidating power, so they can try to suppress the were-people. She also worked with the Frogan baby to develop a cure to lycanthropy, so she herself won’t have to be a were-rat any longer.

(What happened to the other Roy siblings, you ask? Kendall has been trying and failing to become a famous rapper and Roman became a consort to Swedish were-king Matsson. They aren’t important.)

("Plottwist, didn't see that coming!" is what Greg says when tom tells him the story over the phone.)

Shiv openly tells him all of this, which surprises Tom. Why? Well, first off, he’s not allowed to leave. (Surprise!) They keep him prisoner in the White House, although it’s a rather luxurious imprisonment and he is allowed to talk to Greg on the phone. He also does not have to make his own toilet wine.

(“Well, that sounds like a plus!” Greg says when Tom mentions that last part. "Well, no, it isn't Greg. they only let me drink red wine! how do they expect me to survive without my whorewater??? This is their way to kill me, Greg, this is the end." To distract himself from the pain tom takes up knitting, and he knits himself a red scarf. He looks really cute in it actually.)

After a few weeks Tom goes increasingly stir-crazy. And then, Shiv’s other angle is revealed when she offers him her own version of the deal he offered her many years ago - let her cure him of his lycanthropy, and they can rule the world together. Tom’s torn. He knows that if he doesn’t take the deal, he’ll be imprisoned here forever, slowly going insane and knitting increasingly colourful scarves. But if he does… Well, he’s built his whole life around his were-family. He’ll lose everything that’s grown to be important to him. He’ll lose Greg.

("I need to... I need to consider my options, Shiv, you understand that right?" "Tom, you can't be serious. are you really considering not taking this deal just because you want to... I don't know what it is you did before coming here, knit scarves with my cousin?")

He’s in conflicted agony for weeks. He does not tell Greg what Shiv offered him, but Greg knows something is wrong, so Tom starts calling less and less so that he doesn’t give it away. He knits approximately ten more scarves.

(The last one has a complicated star pattern that was tricky and he’s actually kind of proud of. He plans on giving it to Greg, if he ever sees him again. He's stitched GJHW - for Gregory John Hirsch-Wambsgans - into the hem.)

After weeks of thinking and knitting and softly weeping at night, he comes to his decision. He decides to take Shiv’s deal. It’s a heart-rending decision. But she’s going to take over the world regardless - she has the power and the ambition - and he’s unlikely to ever see Greg and his many were-children ever again no matter what he does. But maybe, if he takes this deal, he can try and protect them from the horrors Shiv intends to unleash. He strokes the Greg scarf one last time while wiping away a tear, then he pulls himself together and goes to Shiv to break the news.

("I knew you'd come around, Wambsgans, you're a lot smarter than you look".)

The treatment for lycanthropy is simple - an injection that will kill any traces of it in his symptom. Shiv and the Frogan baby have been developing it for quite some time, and they’re very confident in it. Tom is, however, the first human subject.

("Shiv, are you absolutely sure this is going to work? that I will not, oh I don't know, DIE?" “Don’t be dramatic, Tom, only 38% of the rats we tested it on died.”)

It’s a truly awful experience, and he actually does feel like he might die. He feels like his veins are on fire. It goes on for hours and hours. Eventually, he passes out from pain and exhaustion. But when he comes to - 

He knows that it worked. He feels... reborn. but at the same time, it feels like a fundamental part of him died. It's an odd sensation, and he's not sure he likes it. 

He has to tell Greg. He doesn't want to, but it's necessary. He owes him that much. He doesn’t want to do it over the phone. It feels wrong. Cruel. So he goes to Shiv, and asks if he can return to his Tuscan sewer one last time. She agrees, but only if she goes with him. The last thing he wants is for Shiv to be there to witness him breaking Greg's heart, but he has no other choice.

When they arrive, Greg runs out to meet him - but when he sees Shiv he stops, confusion on his face. Then he looks at Tom again, and his eyes widen. He knows immediately what Tom did.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Greg. I hope you can forgive me, I had no other choice." Tom reaches out for him. It’s been so long, and this is the last time he’ll ever see Greg. He wants more than anything to touch him. But Greg recoils from him, shaking his head in horror.

"Don't touch me" "Greg, I did this for us! for our children! don't you understand? this was the only way to keep you safe, Greg, Sporus... I... I didn't want it to end like this. please look at me, Greg."

Tom hands over a small package.

"Open it."

Greg hesitates, but does it anyway.

It's a scarf, one of the most beautiful scarfs he's ever seen. then he notices the little initials.

"GJHW? did you make this?"

"I told you I picked up knitting, didn't I?"

Their eyes meet. There is so much grief there. Tom wills Greg to understand, to believe him when he says he did it for them. Greg swallows thickly and then nods a little, and Tom knows that he gets it. He reaches up, and in an echo of a gesture from many lifetimes ago, takes Greg’s face in his hands and kisses him tenderly on the forehead.

Then he has to go. He doesn’t want to, but he has to. He looks at Greg’s face for a long time, committing it to memory - 

And then, with a heavy heart, he turns back to Shiv.

This is the way it has to be. This is real life, not "Pride and Prejudice." Not every relationship ends like Mr darcy and Elizabeth. In reality, sacrifices have to be made. Tom knows he's made the right choice, even though it feels like his heart is being stabbed from every direction. Sometimes, if you truly love someone, sometimes you have to do things that hurt you more than anything, but you have to do it. To protect them, to keep them safe. And this thought, though depressing at first glance, is what gives Tom a small, minuscule feeling of happiness. He realizes that he's privileged to have known Greg, to have experienced his love, and how after everything they've been through he still loves him more than he could ever put into words. They've been on opposite sides of a war for fucks sake, and still, he would give up the world for Greg. That's love, he thinks; true, selfless love. and it's what he keeps repeating to himself while glancing back to get one last look at Greg. But he's already gone.

Greg is devastated. Heartbroken. He goes back into their sewer- well, his sewer now. He’s swarmed by his were-children, asking what’s wrong, but he shakes them off and goes to what used to be his and Tom’s bedchambers, alone. He drapes the scarf Tom gave him across the headboard. He locks himself in there for days, not eating, not speaking to anyone. His were-children grow concerned. Eventually, the oldest and boldest of them threatens to break down the door, and so he lets her in and tells her what happened. She’s quiet for a long moment. Then, she says, softly:

“We’re gonna make those fuckers pay”

......................... And that's more or less the end? At this point it was 4am in Vi's part of the world so we called it quits for the night. Since then we'll periodically go "Hey, we should finish racconstar ratco", but the truth is that it's been unfinished for so long now that I'm kind of attached to it in this form.

(Also this whole thing was written in a very specific alcohol and exhaustion- fuelled headspace that I don't know either of us will ever be able to replicate, and I'm not sure we could do it justice otherwise.)

[greenedgoddess]

Succession S4 E9

Here’s my takeaway from today’s episode.

1. Logan Roy’s exes sitting together at the funeral was fucking baller, I really liked that. The way the mom introduced met with everyone and introduced “her Kerri”, acknowledging the sad pattern of how he treated women yet her essentially choosing to rise above in a way and not blame the other woman.

2. This episode I think particularly focused on Roman’s issues. First we see him attempting to steel himself in the beginning, acting nonchalant and unaffected despite the news playing in the background with the police in riot gear, etc. Yet at the funeral we get a very interesting glance of how the different family members understood Logan. For example, Eowin gave an honest and telling speech about the young brother he’d loved that had suffered hardships alongside him, but also spoke out against the evil force he had become. This was so interesting to start off with and see Kendall try to navigate a spontaneous speech afterwards where he was forced to acknowledge his father’s negative qualities and also put a positive business spin on things. And yet it hits close to home because likely that’s how the Roy children saw him, as fearful yet admirable. We see Roman’s breakdown at funeral because in the moment, after Eowin’s speech he remembers the suffering he had in his childhood and he still is affected by his father and couldn’t ultimately act otherwise, and in the same likeness, without emotion.

3. In Shiv’s speech we see her upset about feminist issues, or at least I believe so, especially later when she asks her dad’s business partners “how bad was he really?” almost asking if his “locker room talk” was something she should be appalled by.

4. Ultimately, at the end with Roman going out into the street it seems like he realized his mistake in how he played the Jeryd Mencken deal and that it almost seems like he is seeking out punishment, instigating fights with the protesters and calling them names, potentially thinking that of himself, or awaiting for them to verbally accost him back and physically so he can feel better and move on. It’s interesting how having such a privileged upbringing his only real consequences came from his abusive father often times uncalled for or much too extreme. I think this episode effectively “takes Roman out of the running” as far as the competition for succession goes. And it seems like now its down to Shiv and Kendall.