#he’d go through it again
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“malleus would just find a way to extend your lifespan.”
what if he didn’t, though. what if it didn’t matter. what if he knew how few years you have left in comparison to his own, and chose to love you anyway. no conditions. no extension of life. no easy way out.
because love is a commitment to him; one to joy and one to suffering, both of which he has accepted as consequences to his choice.
because it doesn’t truly matter; he knows humans are fragile, even the few decades most of them live for aren’t guaranteed. but the same is true of beastmen, of merpeople, and of fae.
the temporal nature of your life and your love only makes him more certain as to his feelings; he’d face a lifetime of ache for a fraction of time bathing in your sunlight.
#he’d go through it again#just to hold you for a minute#sigh hozier / dante’s inferno#you have done it again#just returning to say this and leaving again for a bit 🏃♂️🏃♂️#twst x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia x reader#malleus draconia#twst#twisted wonderland#k.concepts
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despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,
theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.
#dungeon meshi#chilaios#OK SORRY. THE DEMONS. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO LIKE THIS PAIRING. I DIDNT. BUT. HHH. FHFHJFJV. I FEEL CRAZY. LET ME EXPLAIN.#Pre canon it seems Laios is the person Chilchuck is really the closest to#He gets along with Namari and they are probably way better as buddies than he and Laios but#He and Laios seem *closer*#If that makes sense#Laios calls him his first name enough and without any issue or hesitation from Chilchuck#That I sort of inagine its not like. A misunderstanding. Laios is on a first name basis with him for a reason.#He also worries probably more than anyone about Laios#And his biggest criticism of him is that hes “reckless”#he’s comfortable around Laios in a very specific way and so is Laios around him#and in the series he shows many times that he’ll risk his life to protect Laios#Like staying with him to confront the elves because he was worried Laios would say something stupid#Hes the first one to run up to him when Falin punches him#I mean I think he was also going back for Falin like its not like I think he doesn’t care about her or anything#He clearly does#But I don’t know if he’d have gone back if Laios hadn’t#And if Laios had been eaten I think he wouldn’t have even had to be convinced by Falin#I also think Marcille would’ve gone back for him but probably more bc Falin was going back#Like sort of a reversed thing#AGAIN not that I don’t think she cared about Laios at the beginning either#But she before the story she was mostly Falin’s friend who knew Laios through Falin#She only really got to know him when Falin got eaten and they had to do a team building exercise#Though now I sort of want to see an actually reversed scenario#Bc we also know that Chilchuck is sort of uncomfortable around Falin (said in relationship chart)#So I would love to see them be forced into a team building exercise to find a person they both love the way Laios and Marcille were
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chosen by the goddess
#link#legend of zelda#loz#tears of the kingdom#totk#art#ok did anyone else feel bad for link for having to go through the -thinks he died and wakes up in an unfamiliar place alone and naked-#thing again like i just imagined him being so scared that another 100 years had passed and everyone he’d ever known was dead#idk. i have feelings about him
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There’s a very sad lack of Señor Hueso & Leo bonding fics out there and I will never stop craving them. Big love to Reluctant Uncle Boneman and his Annoying But Unfortunately Endearing Not Nephew.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt senor hueso#rottmnt leo#notable that Leo canonically keeps going to Hueso for help like#man how would that have gone in the apocalypse#leo keeping a brave enough face in front of his fam#then he goes to Hueso all ‘hey boneman you know how you’ve seen me at rock bottom? well gUESS AGAIN’#I think it would be a while yet before the guilt leo feels comes out in front of his family#but it wouldn’t surprise me if he let Hueso in on some of that beforehand#and hueso will call leo an idiot but he’d stay with him as that mask breaks enough for a few tears to leak through the cracks
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now
#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions#and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety#but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake#AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior#is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out#of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and#maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you.#I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it.#I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about#it?’#that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words#I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him#and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can#trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me#it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways#at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison#and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane#mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed#patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused#all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona#(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage#does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head#kazumaji#majima#kiryu#yakuza#kiwami 1#yk1#rambling
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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Regulus is sure he was only given five senses to appreciate James Potter.
Anyone would know why it was a blessing to see James. He was pretty and handsome and always so happy. It was infectious, Regulus had to fight and fight and fight not to just grin because James was. He had pretty privilege and didn’t even know it. Sweet and innocent and fun and bright - sun incarnate.
Touching James was like burning. Warm and delightful but dangerously tempting to step closer till the flames that surrounded the boy engulfed you. James made touch casual. Happy to hug anyone; slap a hand on a shoulder; a tired head on the shoulder. But Regulus monopolised his touch. He found James’ hands linger and rest on his waist. A sly finger on his cheek, brushing off an eyelash. Holding his hand and playing with his fingers. To touch and be held by James Potter was to be touched and held by a God, Regulus thought. There is no other way to explain such perfection.
James Potter never smelt of one single thing. He was a teenage boy who played sports, so unfortunately, sometimes that was for the worse. But most of the time he would smell so good. His jumpers from home smelt of turmeric and ginger and dried basil - James’ mum used to dry off their cloths in the kitchen and the smells of his childhood and family followed him always. Sitting near enough to him, near enough to breath in the spice and sugar of him, made Regulus feel like a part of the exciting world that conjured James Potter.
Everyone across hogwarts would probably be able to hear James. He was unapologetically loud. Gleeful laughs and his loud chatting would linger in hallways like ghostly echoes of a happy life being lived. Regulus would chase empty corridors to follow the sound so comfortable and tender. If moths were drawn to flames they were stupid - to be drawn to anything but James’ laughter and joy would be stupid. And his whispers, the secret words that he would pour into Regulus ears were siren songs, honey-sweet promises. ‘Drown me in them and I’ll die happy’ Regulus would think staring up at the smiling boy resting him on his legs, ‘Orpheus and Eurydice, me and you, where I hear your voice I’ll follow.’
And Regulus held the secret of what it was like to taste James Potter. To feel his lips against his own and know what he tasted of. All the sugar sweetness and gentle spice that was addictive against his tongue. Regulus would starve himself to consume the taste of James, to define its changing feeling. All the joy and happiness and sunny warmth of his lover. Ambrosia and nectar and James Potter. Regulus would fight anyone, anything to steal a taste from his lips as many times as he could.
To take James Potter away from him would be to blind him. It would be to take away any pleasure of taste, any joy of music and sound, any sensation of feeling against his skin, and leave him unable to enjoy the subtle scents of the world around him. James Potter owned Regulus Black’s heart, and Regulus would fight to keep them both safe.
#dead gay wizards#mauraders#regulus black#james potter#jegulus#starchaser#again me and rereading are not friends#so I’ll post this now and I’ll go through it again tomorrow and hope for the best#but yes#regulus is deeply madly in love#and fiercely protective bc ofc he would be#the dude grew up with no love from anyone beside Sirius and now recieveing unconditional and complete love from James???#he’d fight anyone and burn the world to keep that
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i’m aware i’m 100% alone in this, but i genuinely adore ascended astarion (especially when romanced) because of how—frankly—horrific it is. it’s simultaneously so cathartic in its brutality but so unsatisfying personally while managing to be narratively satisfying (just as his other outcome is, of course).
#ophelia.txt#bg3 spoilers#the way he still has the shell of his old feelings for tav mirrored in his possessiveness of them. that alone does suggest that he’d#probably not subject them to the same overt cruelty that he suffered which makes it all far more dangerous and insidious. because what#humanity—in as much as it can be called thus—remained to him is gone. what made him HIM is gone and all that remains is an incredibly#powerful being who (if you got his scene after moonrise) hates them for letting him go through with it. he has no love left in him now.#only want and resentment and possessiveness. if he loves tav it’s the possessive and selfish love a child has for a toy. but he doesn’t#even respect them. he’s too paranoid now. too drunk on the power he has from his failure to break the cycle (which he. again. resents tav#for allowing). he said right out the gates that true vampires are never created. there’s only ever a sire and a spawn. and he views tav#letting him bite them as them degrading themselves. placing themselves as lesser than him and it’s the new baseline for how he’s going to#treat them because the man they loved is effectively gone. it makes me feel so unwell. i love ascended astarion like okay king of not#breaking the cycle 🙌🙌🙌
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kenjaku and shoko are the best jjk blorbos to have with you during your period btw . (bear with me for a second the great bloodletting just began and i’m in desperate need of comfort) like. they’re the Best. shoko is self-explanatory but i’m also convinced kenny knows your cycle by heart (they’re scarily observant + they’ve literally Been a woman before) and can tell you exactly how bad it’s going to be several days before. kenny is the period tracker blorbo. shoko is just very competent and sweet and really good at making the pain go away. i’ll give points to choso too because he would be intensely caring and protective + might be able to use blood manipulation to lighten your flow…
then we have suguru who’s always the best option but he doesn’t let you eat sweets because they’ll make your cramps worse so who needs him 🙏🙏
#period comfort hcs are my fav btw#this might be tmi but mine has been fucking Awful the last two times??? even tho they’re usually mild…..#this time it’s better though :’) i really hope i don’t have to go through that again oughh#anyway.#shoko is probably your safest bet because i don’t trust kenjaku not to use your period to their advantage somehow#idk i just feel like they Can’t be trusted#i do think they’re sweeter than usual during your time of the month tho#choso might seem like the best option but he would literally Not leave you alone and would ask so many questions#which is very sweet but i would cry bc of sensory overload#sugu is lovely sugu is great#he’s just . a little strict i think#he doesn’t mean to be he just literally can’t Stand seeing you in pain#he’d rather see you sulk bc you’re not allowed to eat ice cream#i need . them all#ari noises ✩#cw periods#tw periods#cw period
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I think if you convinced Astarion not to ascend, he’s there for the Haarlep encounter, and you fail the CON check (push Haarlep away), he should lose his cool and fire an arrow at Haarlep or something and interrupt Haarlep’s magic, giving you another chance to fight instead. I do think the sex abuse survivor witnessing his friend or lover being coerced into sex would notice when they want to escape and would have something to say about it.
#it’s wild how all of your party members stand there and watch this unfold in silence#baldur's gate 3#bg3#it’s so uncomfortable and humiliating#i couldn’t handle it i had to reload my save and go the fighting route instead#i had lae’zel and shadowheart with me. and i get how they could ig bear this in stoney-faced silence#but i had astarion with me too. and i just do Not believe he’d watch this in silence#not after you’ve helped free him from a life of abuse slavery and noncon#he should protest more than ‘are you sure we can trust [haarlep]’#or maybe even offer to take your/tav’s place#it wouldn’t work of course. haarlep would insist on tav#but it would further show his char development since act 1 and how much he’s grown to care about you/tav#that he’s willing to put himself through that again so you don’t have to#i mean#I’m not the only one who sees parallels between cazador and haarlep#AND astarion and haarlep#right#I’m not the only one who thinks haarlep would Really Bother astarion. right#I’ve heard astarion is sympathetic (the only companion who is) if you lose/surrender your body#but i just think he should also be the one who’s like hey let’s Not let our friend be taken advantage of like this
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i literally have the pigeon corpse in my freezer
#stream#like#girl what do i do !!!!!!!!!!!#i want to taxidermy him 💔💔💔#give him the honor he deserved in life that he wasn’t allowed to achieve#i’m still so devastated it rly did break me#i’m going to go feed the birdys bc i’m at my old flat rn shitting#bc i need to go across town & move other shit too but still#i’m still so upset like 😭😭😭😭😭#I WISH I WAS ABLE TO SAVE HIM#i just feel like i could’ve done more maybe i should’ve had him euthanized when the vets offered but i didn’t want to bc i was hoping he’d#be able to pull through but he didn’t & im afraid he was in so much pain when he passed#but he was in a comfy box w my sheets literally they were the same sheets i was sleeping on deadass i flew up the stairs & just pulled them#off the bed asap to put him somewhere warm & soft & he was doing alright#but i gave him water - he refused to eat - he was drinking and then i let him chill again but when i returned w more stuff he was gone#i’m still so upset#i’m not allowed to cry#anyway
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#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it#my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with#and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l#lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am#glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone#since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life#he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even#harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken#about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better#my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he#hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his#personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the#nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off#he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he#still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay#long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart#i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him
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I don’t have much context for what was said and what happened but I don’t think I’d stop supporting Palestine because of what was said. He’s just one person. Idk, stop treating these people like idols and trends I guess 🫡? Then you won’t be disappointed when they go mask off racist. Your support should extend further than idolization.
#I saw that he apparently apologized??? a lot of black ppl didn’t care for it and it’s fine#again idk what even happened omg#I will still support Palestine regardless#rambling#I never expect much from whites and nbs regardless so thats what I’ve always stood by personally#can’t say that he was ignorant since there are black Palestinians so#but oh well antiblackness is global this is not new and should almost be expected unfortunately#apparently ppl were harassing a Sudanese woman for criticizing motaz as well for what he’d said so y’all just hate black ppl regardless#edit: okay just saw the video#it wasn’t the worst and I saw his apology myself#but it could’ve easily been taken as antiblack as well considering that Sudan is also going through a genocide#I get it#regardless#people need to stop treating these people trying to survive a genocide as celebrities#it’s uncomfortable and inappropriate#the Sundanese woman is still being attacked by supporters of Palestine though so again y’all hate black ppl 🤡
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Making myself sad by wondering if Kaeya had NEVER seen Diluc mad at him before that fateful confrontation
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Kae getting mad at Luc for whatever and streasing him tf out? yes#//But what if Diluc; having been told by Crepus to help look after Kae and what he’s been through; resolved to be endlessly patient#//No matter how resistant Kae is to opening up; no matter how many times he’s frozen out#//No matter how many mistakes Kaeya made; again and again; even if they hurt Luc in the process#//What if bby Luc managed to ensure Kae would NEVER see him upset with him; EVER#//That sincere; ray of sunshine keeping that promise to his father until That Day#//Until Crepus was gone & Kaeya; likewise hurt & spiraling; finally pushed Luc past the breaking point he was already toeing the line of#//And THAT was the first time Kae ever bore the full brunt of Diluc’s fiery anger#//FINALLY knew what it was like to be the one on the other end of it; having only ever seen others get that treatment & happy he never had#//And no matter how hard Kae’d tried to harden his heart after seeing Crepus with that delusion; tried to steel his resolve#//He broke all over again. & far worse than the damage Dawn could ever do to him. All bc of that rage & weight of what he did to incur it#//He’d rather let that fiery phoenix consume him in full and agony than ever bear such hatred from Luc again#//Even if he’s come to see annoying Diluc as the only real way to get his attention nowadays. But what else can he do? Leave him be?#//He knows damn well he can’t. He’s too sentimental for that; no matter how flippant he makes himself out to be#//Love to think on the flip side; Luc after processed what he did/what happened; after his destructive; murderous time in Snezhnaya#//Just resolved to never let his anger go that far EVER again. No matter how he’s pushed or prodded#//He’s seen firsthand how dangerous and irreversible the effects of his anger can be. In Snezhnaya & the Fatui. In Kaeya#//He would swear to NEVER take that lightly and lapse his self-control in such a way ever again#//Bc sb he cares abt; like Kaeya; might not be so lucky the next time around if he’s not careful
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There are times when Kaeya does deliberately do or say things to genuinely aggravate someone he is sleeping with, all with the very intention of having them really put him through the ringer, particularly when he’s extremely upset about something or the ache in his body is beyond a tolerable level and he desperately wants something to distract him from it
#//Less than pleasant hc time; he we go#hc; kaeya#//In the latter case; it is v counter-productive#//Bc afterward he has to deal with the chronic pain AND then the sex injuries they’d inflicted upon him#//But in the moment; he’d be happy to get knocked around just to focus on the pain from that instead#//He rlly does try to avoid this with genuine partners of his; bc they don’t deserve to be taunted into hurting him like this#//Esp if they are the type to feel guilty abt it; to blame themself for the aftermath; even if he was the sole cause#//But there are times the bad habit rears its head; even with his best efforts to avoid it#//His acting flirty one moment then almost ornery and spiteful with the same inflection is a decent sign at it#//Its intent to stir up trouble; while making the person more & more aggravated & keeping an innocent front himself#//Goading them into being the angrier party; into acting rashly and lashing out in ways he KNOWS will hurt him#//Theres meaner things like taunting how good they are/that he’s feeling bored. Also mentioning sb else’s name during & doubling down if it#got him a particularly angry reaction he’d been ACHING to provoke out of them. And so much more. He’s terribly creative when this desperate#//Again; its not usually smth that usually happens with definite partners; he tries to internalize things more for them#//But yeah; sometimes things w contacts of his get Messy at the flip of his mood. & he RLLY ends up paying the price for it#//Emotionally; he tends to feel absolutely awful in the end; mired with guilt & esp the Drop from all the adrenaline spent before#//Physically; he does feel more relaxed—running so high on adrenaline among other things that. But then there’s also PAIN#//¬ the good comforting or pleasurable kind; just PAIN he’ll be tentative to even get treated at the church bc theyll ask Questions#//These provocations tend to actually be a secondary resort—he tends to ASK ppl to knock him around on purpose/no restraint beforehand#//If they cooperate; he’ll keep encouraging to the point of injury and then some; let them get too caught up to realize til too late#//If not; THEN he breaks out all this to provoke them into hurting him anyways#self harm mention tw#//Bc this is a v destructive behavior of his#//It is no longer such a worry if he and his partner have ample trust and communication tho#//Bc with sb like that; he can actually work through shit much more healthily#//And if they are still down to knock him around for physical needs fulfillment; rather than use grounding pressure or smth#//At least he will be much safer in their hands than in that of sb who doesn’t have his wellbeing at the forefront of their mind
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