#he wouldn’t die alone like Donnie or Raph

[its-wabby-stuff]

I could’ve gone through the portal. I could’ve helped Casey. But I knew Casey was strong.

And I couldn’t let myself leave Mikey to die alone.

When Mikey came to me with this- plan of his, I was against it. After all that’s happened, and everything we’ve had to do to get where we are, he was just going to erase it all. Send someone back in time. Get the Key. Stop the Krang. Before any of it had a chance to start rolling.

Mikey was looking older and older by the day. His mystics were draining him, and Donnie wasn’t here anymore to fix it. He wouldn’t survive opening a spell of that magnitude. He knew that when he proposed the plan. We knew that when we enacted the plan.

Through the entire apocalypse, I’ve had one goal. Keep my family safe. Be their shield. Be their leader. Make the tough calls. Keep everyone safe.

I’ve done a shitty job. The resistance is falling apart. Two of my brothers are dead. One just asked me if he could kill himself to save the world. I’m nothing without my brothers. This wasn’t what we wanted. What I wanted. None of this was. Except Casey.

Casey was the best thing to come from the apocalypse. Having him around. Watching him grow up. Training him. Casey deserved a normal life, a krang free life. He deserves more than this. If we could erase all of it for some alternate versions of us, who could still get Casey, the strongest resistance warrior, and show him a chance at a normal life.

How could I say no.

I made the tough call. I knew there was nothing else we could do. Not anymore. The situation was brutal, but not hopeless.

This had always been the plan. Or Mikey’s part. Casey’s part. I just had to make the call. I just had to say the word and Mikey would give his life for this. Say the word and it would all go away.

I could’ve gone through the portal. I could’ve helped Casey. There wasn’t a one person limit, as far as we knew. I could’ve been there. Guaranteed the fate of the world.

But I knew Casey was strong. I trusted him to get it done. Casey has always been a survivor. He’s always been smart. Ingenuitive. Clever.

He was our hope. Our hope for the future, and now the past.

I was weak. I was tired. Perhaps, I was a little selfish. But it was the end of the world. And I’d just watched the last of my brothers die.

This wasn’t our fight any longer.

And I couldn’t get myself to let Mikey die alone.

[sinnbaddie]

Raph post Kraang body hcs

- he’s fully blind in his right eye

- his veins are purplish reddish at spots where the infection was most prominent (arm, chest, face)

- his right arm shakes and he has various levels of numbness throughout, pain is present when numbness subsides

- his motor function is very weak in his right hand (he has to learn how to be dominant with his left hand)

- horrible migraines that can make him bed ridden and unable to move

- initially he couldn’t use his right arm and couldn’t even move for awhile. Remember the Kraang took hold of him fully and for a lot longer than anyone else, he wouldn’t just leave with a scratch on his eye

- hears voices in his head and sometimes talks to them if he’s alone

[andromeda-galaxy2877]

So a little while ago me and my friend @latersgayt0rs kinda realized something about the ROTTMNT movie.

Leo’s plan at the end made perfect sense.

And I don’t mean that from a writing standpoint— of course that made sense for plot purposes— I mean from an in-universe perspective. Leo’s perspective.

People say it was suicidal, or say he didn’t have to do it that way, which is a totally valid interpretation! But me and Ferr saw it a little differently.

So, let's look at all the facts of the situation. After regaining their ninpo, the turtles all fought Krang Prime (or, Krang One) with everything they had. EVERYTHING.

Donnie fired that big barrage of missiles, Mikey threw an entire goddamn SKYSCRAPER at him! Everyone gave it their all, but when they combined their powers and tried to punch Krang Prime with ALL of that—

He stopped them by simply flicking his fingers. He knocked Donnie and Mikey off the building, both unable to catch themselves so Raph of course had to go save them.

And Leo was left alone.

With all of that prior information, what else was Leo really supposed to do in that situation? 

Sure, he could ask where the others landed and form a portal to get them back up there, but again; Everything. They threw EVERYTHING they had at Krang Prime, and he flung them away like it was nothing. Who’s to say he wouldn’t just do that again? Or kill someone?

Not to mention Leo had to be exhausted. It was nighttime when the movie began, then daytime in the middle, then it looked pretty dark when everything was going on at the end. Maybe that was just dust and debris kicked up by the Technodrome, but hours had passed with no sleep, no rest, only action. Only fighting.

Leo went from the first fight to the Krang to the subway tunnels fight, to the stuff that happened in Metro Tower, to his 1v1 with Raph, to this fight with little to no breaks in between. Physically at least; again, he did not sleep between these times. And emotions had to be going INSANE after Raph was taken.

How do we know he even had the energy to make enough portals to get everyone back up there then be able to portal them/himself around during the fight? 

So, Leo was tired. Leo knew how strong Prime was. And most importantly, he knew the stakes.

If Krang Prime was not stopped here, then the entire world would be destroyed. His family would be killed. Everyone would die.

Leo had NO choice. There was no other choice, no other option for him. No other route to take. 

He HAD to lock Krang Prime back in the Prison Dimension. And the only way for him to do that and keep him inside was to teleport them both.

There was no other alternative that would have worked.

[nights-flying-fox]

Hopelessly Surviving Chapter 2

Same (Not the Same)

Leo thinks about everything that happened.

tw: panic attacks & implied (?) hallucinations (if you ever think i should add any other warnings please tell me <33 ) Shoutout to @little-banjo-frog for helping me with the title!! <33

Word Count: 3025 ☆ Fandom: rottmnt ☆ AO3 Link: Here!! ☆ Next Chapter: 14 April ☆ Previous Chapter: here!!

 Leo learned several things after all the hugging and at some point falling asleep:

 Mikey had opened a portal with his bare hands. They had gotten him out and threw a drill and a punch in Krang's face. Everyone (except him) was fine physically. 

 Returning to the lair, they took care of their injuries and mourned. Casey Jr at some point disappeared and they had April and Raph go after him. 

 And then, at some point Draxum arrived. Mikey said that he was worried, and that once he learned what happened to Leo, he was devastated. Which Leo was sure his little brother was exaggerating, but it still was kind of nice to know he cared. L

 Then he came up with an idea. An ancient spell, a ritual. During his research he had found information about it, and believed they could save Leo with that. 

 Splinter for a moment was uncertain, having heard that it could be dangerous to mess up with someone's soul. 

 But they all loved Leo. 

 In the end, they had gathered what was necessary, and had made the spell.

 That led to him gasping for the oxygen he lost, and all of the hugging happened.

 In the most simply told way, these were the events happening after the almost invasion. They didn’t tell any more details, and Leo wasn’t sure he was ready to know some of them.

 Now Leo was laying on his bed, Mikey hugging him and sleeping by his side. Donnie had asked Raph to help him remove some rubble so he could access his laboratory to get some essential items. Splinter and April were preparing dinner, and Casey Jr was with them. He didn't know where Draxum went. 

 Which left Leo alone with his thoughts. He was still processing everything he learned, and he had to admit it wasn't easy. His head was foggy, and the squeezing in his chest didn't leave. He wasn't sure if it was because of the wound near his heart (which was healed now, apparently…) or the realization of everything that happened today.

 He almost caused the end of the world, and without Casey showing up he would have caused it. He almost lost dad, Raph, Donnie, Mikey… April and Casey Jr could have ended up in worse conditions too. And because of his selfishness. He didn't even want to think about what Casey had told him. They all die, the words were repeating in his mind no matter how hard he tried to ignore them. And here he was, died and resurrected. 

 How did they even manage that? Resurrecting the dead… He wanted to ask them what they exactly did, but he knew well they wouldn't tell him. Just like how they didn't tell him they had to stitch his wounds. Leo didn't like not knowing, but he was too tired to get the answers he wanted. Maybe he could learn later, when he felt better.

 He looked at Mikey and the faint golden scars on his arms. Leo sighed, his little brother opened a portal, and for what? To pull out a corpse. The thought made him feel sick. He was alive, right? He was breathing. So what if Krang had most likely impaled him? Who cared if he was dead for several hours? He was back. He was okay. He would be okay. A few scars and bruises wouldn’t stop him, they would heal soon anyway. And Leo will become better, and be a proper hero like Raph wishes him to be. Like everyone wishes him to be. He could start planning better and working harder, maybe spend some time in the dojo after healing. Act like a leader…

 The joy left its place to something numb. He wasn’t excited about these ideas, but he wouldn’t admit it. He didn’t want to spend his free time perfecting his jitsu, but at the same time he couldn’t afford to put his family at risk again nor disappoint them. He had failed enough. Casey Jr was right, he wasn’t the Leo this world needed. He had to become the one they needed…

 He sighed, ignoring how the gripping feeling made him uneasy. Now was time to rest, so soon he could become better…

 …

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

  Leo didn’t remember when he fell asleep. When he woke up he was feeling much better. The grip in his chest still was in there, but at least his body didn’t hurt like before. 

 He looked around, sluggishly sitting up. It must have been late, because other than a faint light coming from outside, his room was dark. The closest thing to light in his room was only the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling.

 Welp, he must’ve slept through the rest of the day, but still didn’t manage to stay awake long enough to pass the night, huh?

  With a sigh, he got up. He carefully moved once he noticed Raph was sleeping on the floor. Well, he had pulled many pillows and blankets, so saying he slept in a heaven of comfiness would be more fitting. 

 He decided to go and grab a glass of water, and maybe later could check out others. He left his bedroom, quietly walking through the corridors. He had expected to struggle more walking around, but whatever the spell had done must’ve helped him. It was much better than spending time stuck in a bed, so he wasn’t complaining. 

 Something caught his attention and he stopped on his tracks.

 Turning around, he looked at the empty corridor. For a second he thought he saw something. A red, bright light. But looking around, it was clear that the only light was the faint night light- which was yellow colored. He looked around again, just to be sure, and seeing nothing unusual he kept walking. It must’ve been a game of light. 

 As he got into the kitchen he ignored his thoughts about how the light reminded him of him. He did his best to not pay any attention to them as he grabbed a glass and poured water in it. But his grip on it tightened with creeping panic. No, no, no. He didn’t need to think about anything related to him or that day.

 But what if he is around? What if he’s back?

 He tried to block the intrusive thoughts, taking a deep- yet quick- breath and drinking the water. He tried to think of something else. Like how Raph was in his room, safe and home. He was sleeping in a giant mess of way too many blankets, and somehow Leo didn’t see any plushies of his around. Raph always preferred sleeping with them. Leo guessed that he somehow forgot or was too tired to go back to grab one of them after everything. Luckily Leo was close to Raph’s room and he could grab one or two for him. 

 Leo left the kitchen and walked towards Raph’s room. It was a very quick trip, but he had to do his best to ignore the broken parts of the lair. A cruel reminder of yesterday until taken care of, and a deja vu he hated. They had to fix that. Maybe he could help in the morning. 

 He finally reached the room, and grabbed two of Raph’s teddy bears. A new one that Raph loved as much as the rest of his collection, and his favorite, Brown. It was his first teddy bear, worn out with time and love, and yet still held together no matter how many times Splinter had to sew it.

 As he left the room, he heard a noise. Turning around the corner, he saw the doors of Donnie’s lab open. From them stepped out Donnie, and his and Leo’s eyes met. He froze, startled. From behind him Mikey’s sleepy voice heard: “Donnie, move!”

 But Donnie didn’t, still staring at Leo.

 “Frozen like a deer in headlights, I see.” Leo mussed. “What’s it, sneaking into your lab at midnight again and getting caught?”

 This got Donnie talking, rolling his eyes as well, “As if that is the first time ever you got me.”

 

 “Then why are you blocking Angelo’s path, hmm?” Leo smirked.

 Donnie’s eyes widened with realization and he moved, letting Mikey walk out. “What took you so long?” Mikey huffed, then noticed Leo. “Oh, hi Leo! Wait, why are you up? You should be resting!”

 “I wanted to grab a glass of water.” Leo explained, “What are you two doing?”

 “Raph stole our blankets and we decided to get more.” Donnie answered.

 “From your lab?” Leo raised an eye ridge.

 “You were getting a glass of water from Raph’s room?” Donnie retorted. 

 

 “I never said I didn’t visit his room as well.” Leo replied.

 “So didn’t I.” Donnie smirked.

 “Donnie wanted to visit his lab to grab his laptop because he wants to do research about you.” Mikey blurted out, still looking sleepy.

 “Mikey!” Donnie glared at him. “Snitch!”

 “Hey, I came only to stop you from doing anything in your lab and go back to sleep. If I fail to prevent that I get to snitch on you.” Mikey shrugged. “Now can we go back to sleep?” He whined.

 “You heard him, back to sleep!” Leo announced.

 Donnie groaned, but laptop and blankets in hand, he did as he was told to. Mikey took the lead, and the twins followed him. Leo looked at Donnie, “What research do you want to do about me anyway?”

 “I thought it was an easy answer.” Donnie said, looking at him unimpressed.

 “Come on, stop being annoying, I’m serious.” Leo glared at him. 

 Donnie rolled his eyes, but Leo was aware he did it just to annoy him, “I want to know how the spell affected you.” He answered. “What exactly it changed, and how it helped. We need to be sure you are okay.”

 “Didn’t Draxum already give an okay and explain everything in super detail to you?” Leo asked.

 “He did,” Donnie affirmed. Then added, “I don’t trust him.”

 “Valid.” Leo nodded.

 They arrived at Leo's room, and he noticed how Donnie and Mikey were following him. Then he realized that it wasn’t just Raph who was accompanying him. That explained why Raph had so many blankets and no plushies or teddy bears. He turned to Mikey, “How do you manage to escape his bear hugs?” 

 “A Mikey talent baby!” He grinned. 

 Leo put the teddy bears next to Raph, and Mikey got back into the hug. Donnie looked at Leo, after putting down the new blankets and laptop he signed ‘Don’t tell Raph.’

 ‘Only if you sleep.’ Leo signed back.

 Donnie glared at him.

 Leo glared back. ‘You have to rest.’

 ‘I need to make sure you are fine.’ Donnie didn’t stop glaring.

 ‘So do I. All of us had a rough day, Donnie. We can’t be okay without a good rest.’ Leo gave his everything to not cringe at how he sounded like Raph. 

 Donnie’s look became softer. He was considering it.

 ‘We’ll do it in the morning. I promise.’ Leo smiled.

 His twin sighed, finally nodding. ‘Okay.’ 

 Leo watched as he put the laptop on a shelf, away from any possible harm and took his place next to Raph. He wondered why they didn’t lay in the bed with him. But who cared when he could join them. Leo lay down next to Donnie and Raph, smiling as he surrounded himself with one of Donnie’s blankets. 

 “Leo! You are freezing!” Donnie whispered, jerking away.

 “Your problem.” Leo closed his eyes, but he knew Donnie was back to glaring at him. It was nice to know even after everything his family could behave like themselves. He heard Donnie sigh, and very quietly whisper “Dum-dum.” before shifting again and wrapping his arm around him. As he lay among his brothers he thought how lucky he was. It was good to be home, safe, and warm, surrounded by his family.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

 The next morning Leo woke up still surrounded by his brothers, minus Mikey. He always managed to get up early, so he was probably in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Leo yawned, turning a bit to see Donnie was sleeping on his back, one arm covering his face and the other arm next to him. Meanwhile, Raph was snuggling his teddy bears, sleeping like an angel.

 Leo got up as quietly and slowly he could, and walked out of his room. He felt a bit sloppy and his mouth tasted weird, so he decided washing his face before breakfast would do. The lair was quiet, but if he tried he could hear the noise and very faint music coming from the kitchen.

 He opened the bathroom’s light, entered and closed the door. He yawned again, walking towards the mirror. He noticed how his skin looked paler and the new scars first. Well, technically stitches. He knew he had two on his right leg, but he didn’t see the ones where his plastron was broken. A big gap on his left part of his plastron revealed skin, and there were two big stitches. Same side of his shell seemed to be broken too. There was a nick on his plastron, and two big scratches. And a big bruise on his neck. He frowned, but at least it would heal eventually. He couldn’t help but compare himself to Raph’s first teddy bear though. All sewn, the stitches keeping it together. In Leo’s case, the spell was keeping him together. Then he proceeded to look at his face. He froze.

 Bright pink light was staring back at him.

 His heart started beating fast with panic, and he took a step behind. The reflection. No, his reflection. His eyes. No.

 He felt his hands trembling.

 He couldn’t– No no no– Not the same eyes from–

 He found it harder to breathe as he remembered the same colored eyes staring back at him in the technodrome. His brother under control, attacking him, looking with empty red-pinkish eyes. 

 He didn’t want this. Why were even his eyes like that?! He looked like– Like–

 The memory of Leo almost hurting Raph flooded his mind. The moment Raph held him in his grip. The moment he thought it was over. The fear. They had hurt his brother, they would hurt his brothers. 

 The eyes.

 The reflection. Was he one of them? Was that why Donnie stared at him like that? Why he wanted to do research?

 Had he brought a part of krang with him?

 Would he hurt his family?

 Pink glowing eyes.

 How could even they look at him, he wasn’t he. He was just like– would he become–-

 He lowered himself down, his thoughts too messy, and he couldn’t even breathe. He wasn’t safe. He would hurt others. He had to fight it he had to fight it he had to fight it–

 The tightness in his chest got worse. It hurt. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t let them control him and hurt his family. The krang must stay sealed! He couldn’t let them come back again–-

 Before he knew it, the world turned black.

⁺₊

☾

⋆

 Leo gasped for air and shot back up. He wheezed, feeling his chest burning with the oxygen. His body hurt, but the pain had already started numbing. He blinked a few times, looking around. Where… oh, right. Bathroom. He saw the mirror. He remembered the eyes. He felt his heart starting to beat fast again, but pushed the fear away. He didn’t want to black out again. He could figure this out. He was still himself right now—

 The door flung open, “LEO?” Donnie shouted frantically. He immediately ran next to him, sitting next to him and inspecting him with a scan. “What happened, are you okay?”

 “Oh hey, Dee.” Leo replied calmly, not letting his twin see his anxiety.

 “Don’t hey Dee at me.” Donnie glared with worried eyes, finishing inspecting the scan results. “Your heart rate was going crazy and–”

 “I’m fine, Donnie.” Leo reassured.

 “–then it stopped beating!” 

 Leo’s eyes widened with shock. “What?”

 “It stopped beating.” Donnie repeated. “You were dead. Again.”

 “But I am not.” Leo replied. He ignored what Donnie just told him. He had just fainted, that was all.

 “Leo.” Donnie said, and as much as it sounded harsh it was a plea for Leo to take this seriously. He was freaking out. Leo couldn’t blame him.

 He sighed, “I saw my eyes.”

 Donnie looked at him confusedly.

 “And maybe I freaked out a little.” Leo admitted. “But it is okay, I am fine now.”

 “Okay, but that doesn’t explain why your heart wasn’t beating for fifteen seconds.” Donnie said.

 “Maybe a glitch on the signal? I don’t know, Donnie, tech is your thing, not mine.” Leo replied.

 Donnie watched him silently, then sighed again. “It is very unlikely, but considering that you had a panic attack and your subcutaneous tracker having a chance of being damaged, I will let it go for now.”

 “Thanks.”

 “Are you sure you are okay?” Donnie asked again.

 “I am, Dee. It is fine.” Leo huffed. Then glanced at the mirror, “I was just wondering if you had an answer for these.” He pointed at his eyes.

 Donnie nodded, “You can be sure I do. According to Draxum, the spell causes minor side effects. It depends on the situation, and the information about it is limited, so there is no clear list. However, every time this has happened, the eyes changing color to pink slash red slash purple or a mixture of them is a common observation.”

 “So this is because of the spell.” Leo said.

 “Positive.” Donnie confirmed.

 “Nothing related to krang.” He said.

 “No relation to the krang, you can be sure of that.” Donnie got back to his feet and offered his hands. “You can fully trust my calculations.”

 “I do.” Leo smiled as he took his hand. “Thanks again, Donnie.”

 “Anytime.” 

They headed out of the bathroom, going to the kitchen. As they left, Leo couldn’t help but look towards the mirror again. He really hoped everything was okay.

[hoaflanpuddingcake]

Rottmnt ☆ Star Child AU Part 2

Trigger warning: implied slight gore, trypophobia, and mild swearing.

‘Kay so, Leo finds himself in very overwhelming mood after having starry highlights on his irises. When he heard a footsteps coming from outside his room, he was so hella worried that they notices that he might be awake and escaped, but he definitely heard a sound of his brothers arrived in the lair, so Leo then returned to his bed and pretends that he was sleeping, so his brothers wouldn’t notice that he was awake (Except for Donnie, he knows what was going on with Leo.).

 Mikey, Raph, Donnie, April, Splinter, and Casey Jr. have arrived home, and Mikey and Donnie went upstairs in Leo’s room to bring the presents for him, except for Donnie, of course, has only a first aid kit along with him just in case. Mikey, of course, was very sad and scared if Leo was gonna die like this. Mikey then puts the two bags of presents right next to the doorway. Inside of the two bags, there were 10 sheets of unicorn stickers, a plushie, a sky-blue-colored tumbler cup, a unicorn hoodie, a mug with Leo’s name on it, and a picture frame. After that, Mikey then leave Donnie alone with Leo for a bit. Donnie then wakes Leo up by poking his forehead. Leo then wakes up like nothing has happened to him. Donnie then said “Are you alright, ‘Nardo?” “What the hell? I’m fine, Don-Tron. Nothing has ever happened to me, of course”, Leo responded. Donnie feels so skeptical about Leo’s answer to him, but plays it along, so he doesn’t get so upset so quickly. “Whatever you say. But me, Mikey, Raph and everyone in the lair was worry about you.” Donnie responded back. Leo then rolls his eyes, pretending that he’s alright. Donnie then checks on Leo’s right leg, and turns out he has 15 holes, with blood on them. Looks like Leo’s been affected by either the rocks or the shooting star, but theres one thing that exists called “Pockmarks”, they’re typically marks that caused by chickenpox, acne, scars, or any types of infection. Pockmarks cannot be dissappear or go away by itself, but treatment can usually help. Of course it can’t be the Krang One, because he was blown away when the fucking door closes, and plus, he didn’t fucking die, he was actually been defeated by Leo when was locked in the prison dimension. This infection was very unusual to Leo, because he never have this kind of marks on his leg before. Donnie then checks it again and sees bruises and a slightly opened-cut ankle that looks like a rock hit on it. “ I don’t think you’re okay, Leo.”, Donnie said. Leo then responds, “ What the fuck do you mean I’m not okay?! I’m alright now. Can’t you see my luxurious, beautiful face-“ “NO NARDO!! YOURE NOT OKAY!! And why are you swearing at me?! Who taught you that?!”, Donnie yells. “Don, I am okay-“ Leo says, as Donnie interrupts him. “‘Nardo, I swear if you scare me, our brothers, dad, April, and Casey like that, I’ll slapped your face!!” Donnie then starts to tears up, as he puts on a cast on Leo’s leg, but until Donnie notices a starry highlights on both of Leo’s eyes. That left him shocked, but still does not want to worry a bit too much. Leo then says, “ Donnie, I thought you hate e-“ “I-I-I’ts fine, just dont go and fucking kill yourself, okay?…”, Donnie says as he was about to cry. “Alright…”. Leo said, as Donnie then leave him in his room. 

Leo then grabs his phone from his nightstand, and then starts scrolling through YouTube, until he found the video that is unusual to him. A live singing performance of Mira Starr, a 20-year-old Indian-English singer. He then clicked on the video, as he gazes at her performance. He starts to feel like he’s a fan of Mira as he kept watching a video of her singing performance.

Fun facts:

Mira likes samosas and butter chicken.

Mira’s birthday is December 1st.

Mira’s favorite color is light or hot pink.

Mira can speak 3 languages (including English), except she speaks a bit of Punjabi.

FINALLY I FINISHED THIS!! dont worry y’all, im working on part 3. :3

! Not mine !

(First Part | Next Part )

[midnightduel]

darkness and light

Leo had never liked the myth of Icarus.

He had never liked the story of the boy who had tried to fly too close to the sun; who had felt the wax melt off his back and perished deep within the dark waters, where nobody ever saw him again. It had always made something crawl under his skin – it always made him feel like something was stuck up his throat.

He supposed he knew why, now, he never liked the myth.

Leo falls in darkness, with his own wax melting off his back and floating into darkness, leaving behind long red gashes up his arms and his shoulders – and an emotional wound so deep he could barely feel himself breathe. He can barely hear himself think through all of it; all he hears is the screaming through the darkness, the colors dancing behind his eyes if he closes them for too long. Some of this screaming is familiar… and the other? Chilling to the bone.

He hopes the water comes soon. That would be nice – there would at least be comfort in knowing something cool and soothing would at least come quickly. There would be comfort in knowing he wouldn’t suffer too long, after trying to hold the sun in the palm of his hands.

But until then – the terror pounds in his veins, and it tears him apart. His heart screams at him to wish to fall slower so someone might catch him; his brain tells him they are the canon ball when weighed against the feather – no matter how much they might wish to fall slower, gravity was doing its job too well to know any other possibility. 

…

He should have listened. He should have listened.

Raph – Raph I’m sorry, Raph. I’m sorry. I should have done better, I should have been better. Would the ending been different had I listened? I didn’t want to fight you. I didn’t want to make you turn into a monster. I never asked you to sacrifice yourself for me.

I never wanted to hurt any of you.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Can you hear me now?

…

The darkness does not bear his brother’s voice. It does nothing but gape, and he hears the static in his ears and the large puncture hole in his chest grow wider. There is no one there to hold his hand, there is no one there to say I hear you.

He misses them. He missed his brothers already. The water was getting closer by the second, he could feel it, and he missed his brothers. He didn’t want to die alone. He didn’t want to be gone and forgotten like a bad memory. He wanted them to know that he had tried to reach the sun for them, he wanted them to know that he never meant to leave them behind to burn – he wanted them to know. Know and know like he never let them in before.

Would Donnie be okay? Would he fall in his lab and disappear? Would he mourn the twin he had and live in between planes, with one soul lost to a dimension meant to be a cold Prison?

Would Mikey try to fix everything? Would he be consumed by his own fire, would he try to fill a hole in his shape that he never was meant to fit into anyway?

Would April know how to lean on others? Would his father know how to walk by himself?

Leo feels it when he crashes against the waves of the water – and he feels it when a claw against his chest holds him down and whispers nobody will ever find him again. That nobody cared enough to open up this Prison again. He and the warlord holding him down and making him sink deeper into the cold arms of the waiting death were the only ones left here forever and ever until Time disintegrated and the timelines collapsed upon themselves.

And Leo believes it. He believes this truth – this sentence he gave to himself the moment his wings started to melt.

Maybe he didn’t mean much of anything, anymore – maybe he was just a boy sinking deep into the waters – but at least he knows his story will be a grain of sand onto a beach, long buried by the others that will take their place alongside his.

Let him be Icarus.

[saturn-xvoid]

Basically all my TMC Aus/headcanons!! Please lemme know yours if you have I lobe them so much 😭

Anyways, Let’s get started!!

COLORGUARD AU!

Fav tosses:

Mark = Strip toss

Cesar = single half 45, catch behind back

Jonah: Pop toss

Adam: Lasso

Least fav tosses:

Mark = Silk double, spin underneath it

Cesar = Silk toss

Jonah = 45

Adam = Any toss where he has to do jazz splits on the floor 

VOLLEYBALL AU!

Mark = Outside hitter

Adam = Setter 

Jonah = Middle blocker

Cesar = Libero 

Sarah = Opposite hitter 

Joel (mystifying oracle) = Defense specialist 

Evelin = Manager or Setter 

Thatcher, Dave, Ruth = Coaches 

HANDBALL AU!

Evelin = Goalie 

Cesar = Pivot 

Adam = Left wing

Sarah = Right wing

Mark = Left back

Jonah = Right back 

Thatcher, Dave, Ruth = Coaches 

FAVORITE COLOR: 

(Self indulgent tbh)

Mark: Blue

Cesar: Red

Jonah: Orange 

Adam: Black

Sarah: Green

Evelin: Purple 

I imagine that if Mark was getting injured by something and Cesar (or anyone really) was near, he wouldn’t call Cesar for help in fear of Cesar getting hurt by the thing as well.

Adam would just yell and cuss which is what normally alerts Jonah that he needs help.

Cesar would call Marks name but that’s it, he wouldn’t ask Mark to help him, just for him to come over. 

Jonah would ask anyone and everyone for help when getting hurt but back then (MY AU) he never did because of TRAUMA. 

HTTYD AU:

Cesar = Night fury

Adam = Monstrous nightmare 

Mark = Cesar’s rider (that sounds weird but it’s not i swear) 

Jonah = Adams rider (once again not weird leave me alone)

(I also have a fanfic of this btw so lemme know if ya want me to link that ;))

WEAPONS OF CHOICE:

Mark = Gun

Cesar = Spiky bat

Adam = Knife or anything sharp 

Jonah = Axe

PRONOUNS ?? IDK MIGHT CHANGE:

Mark = He/him

Cesar = He/they

Jonah = All pronouns 

Adam = He/it (Possibly xe/xer too)

Sarah = She/her

Evelin = She/he/they

Dave = All pronouns 

Ruth = She/her

Thatcher = He/they

CUPHEAD AU!:

Mark = Mugman 

Cesar = Cuphead 

Jonah = Dice 

Adam = Devil 

Sarah = Mrs. Chalice 

PUSS IN BOOTS AU:

Mark = Kitty softpaws

Cesar = Puss

Sarah = Perrito 

Jonah = Baby bear 

Adam = Goldie 

Six = Papa bear

Lynn Murray = Mama bear

SOUTH PARK AU!: 

Mark = Stan

Cesar = Kyle

Jonah = Kenny

Adam = Cartman 

A tmc au where everyone lives and no one dies (Like Unwound Wounds by SoundlessNoise on ao3) but Jonah has an alternate attached to him.

The alternate isn’t visible to anyone but Jonah and it doesn’t turn Jonah into an alternate, instead it tells jonah to… ya know… commit die. Jonah doesn’t give in and he debates telling the boys but the alternate convinced him not to. 

Maybe have the boys find out?? 

Sorry I like Jonah angst LMAO 

ORCHESTRA AU!:

Mark = Violin

Cesar = Viola 

Jonah = Violin 

Adam = Cello 

UNDERTALE/MOMMACQ AU!:

Mark = Geno sans

Cesar = Ink sans

Jonah = Fresh sans

Adam = Error sans

TMNT AU!:

Mark = Donnie

Cesar = Leo

Jonah = Mikey

Adam = Raph

Sarah = Usagi

Evelin = April 

Jonah is a juggalo fr.

Dave Lee reminds me of the do the flop guy.

SECURITY BREACH AU!:

Mark = Gregory 

Cesar = Glamrock Freddy

Jonah = Sun

Adam = Moon

Sarah = Roxanne

Evelin = Chica 

Thatcher = Monty 

Ruth = Vanny

Dave = DJ music man

FAVORITE MOVIES:

Jonah = Moana

DESCENDANTS AU!:

Mark = Mal

Cesar = Evie

Jonah = Carlos 

Adam = Jay

[iztarshi]

Febuwhump - forced to watch

Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Warning: vivsection

You are not very good at meditation.

You are meant to stay still and not think and you are very very bad at both those things - although lots of people would probably argue the second. Donnie would say your head is empty all the time, so meditation should be easy, but your head has never been empty. It has too many thoughts they just cancel each other out.

Or they do this, ramble around your head in an attempt to eclipse a Big Thought with lots of little ones because the Big Thought is too much, even if you know it even if this is why you’re doing this.

Deep breath.

Meditation.

Ninja Mind Meld.

Raph has been gone for two months.

Deep breath.

You were the ones who mind melded on that train, if you can just be calm, if you can just reach out. He’s out there somewhere. Donnie’s hacking into every camera in New York, Mikey’s stirring his hands through the fabric of the universe, you can do this.

You can try.

Raph engulfs you. Spiky-light-flame-shield-solid-brother-warmth. It’s like drowning and you want to drown, want to sink into a presence you’ve been missing like breathing. Raph clutches you, drags you down until you blink and you’re seeing nothing but painfully bright light. Blink again and you’re seeing white walls, a floor with a drain in it, a figure in a white coat and you can’t look away from their hands to see anything else about them. Those hands are holding a circular saw.

Raph. Raphraphraph.

Leo?

I’m here, where are you? Tell me, I’ll make a potal. You don’t have much time, do you? We’ve got to move.

I don’t know.

You wriggle, you try to reach for your sword but you can’t even reach for your body. Raph’s clutching you, holding you down. His voice is so hollow, hazy and distant.

Don’t leave me alone.

You go still. Would you leave if you could? You can’t. Raph is stronger than you. He always has been. You need to get back, tell Donnie that Raph’s in a lab, try to open a portal with the view of the room you’ve had. Something. Anything.

The circular saw is placed against Raph’s plastron. You feel his arms straining against the straps. You feel the first cut, the way it sears as it cuts through keratin and nerve and bone and flesh.

You feel nothing as Raph’s ninpo curls around you, hides you away from the pain even as he clutches you like a teddy bear.

Raph screams and hisses, raw, animal noises of reptile and ape terror. You can’t cover your ears. You can’t look away. It seems to go on for so long, for hours, for days.

Those hands put the circular saw down and push on the edges of the cut out rectangle of plastron. Fingers wedge underneath and Raph keens and they lift the plate of bone and keratin away.

There’a a voice, saying something.

There’s the sound of wheels, a rack being pulled over, just a bar with a hook on the end. Then those hands, you hate those hands, start lifting out Raph’s intestines and looping them over rack. They wriggle. They writhe.

ohgodohgodohgod Raph, please, let me go, I can’t

Leo? Even Raph’s mental voice is hoarse, he sounds as if he’s been screaming for days.

I’m here, I’m here, I’m sorry, I’m right here.

Those hands are inside Raph now. Are they going to lift out his stomach, his liver, his heart? They can’t, right? They wouldn’t… if they wanted an autopsy they would have killed him first. Right? They wouldn’t make him suffer like this just because they couldn’t be bothered to put a bolt through his brain.

You imagine that, a bolt through his brain, and wish you hadn’t thought it. You wish you had a body to throw up with.

Raph, don’t die, please don’t die, I’ll tell Donnie, I’ll tell Mikey, I’ll make a portal, somehow seeing this room will be enough, I’ll make a portal, this won’t happen to you again, we’ll find you, just don’t die, don’t die, don’t die

They take slices from different organs. Calm, unhurried. You think the word might be biopsy.

There is blood running down the drain, there is an IV in Raph’s arm, but there is so much blood.

The hands retreat, set their instruments aside, and put the rectangle of plastron back in place.

There is the ker-chunk ker-chunk of a stapler.

You’re not dead. Your own voice sounds wispy, wondering.

You feel Raph trying to rouse himself. Sorry. I…

He unwraps from you and you feel cold, out in the dark of… of ninja mind space by yourself. Despite everything you nearly dive back into his ninpo like diving into his arms.

You wake up.

You throw up.

You scream for Donnie and Mikey.

[mismatchedtwins]

Bro it was so visceral and horrifying, the way u made Donnie AWARE of his flesh and bones mending together. And you made him feel it too?? No!! EVIL🫵 That was soo evil but I loved it!! I love horror!!

I DO TOO BUT HORROR IS SO HARD TO WRITE

I always felt like Donnie should have been a little out of it since he was literally SOWN BACK TOGETHER in the city streets. And I was thinking about how that would go and I had the inescapable urge to write what I’ve always wanted to happen. And I’m SO proud of it, lemme tell you the truth! It’s like reading someone else’s work!!

This bit was so cool, I don't stumble upon a lot of horror in fics yk? There's not a lot thats made me recoil and sit there mouth agape. But this??! U totally nailed it!!

Thank you!!

I’m so weird ‘cause I CANNOT watch horror on the tv screen but I will DEVOUR horror in books form. Like. MMMM tasteh

[The prison dimension looks like the stuff of nightmares. Dead ancient ruins and echoes r such a fun bit to play around with >:)) im excited to see how u interpret it]

I HAVE SO MANY PLANS

I NEED TO MAKE A LIST OR SOMETHIN’ OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I’VE DECIDED BASED ON DIMENSION X LOGIC AND THE FUN TIDBITS FROM THE KRAANG SHIP LIKE MMMMM

I just lie in bed at night mentally filling in every single blank that only I care about like why 😭🤣

Also him immediately wanting his brothers around and thinking about his dad hurt 😭

His family will be on his mind for the next eternity.

If I have my way, his guilt will be unnecessary and painful.

His sufferings are both instantaneous and crippling!

Sksskk this made me giggle out of my previous horror shock. Dee just went thru the most traumatic event of his life so far and witnessing an explosion comparable to a nuclear bomb and his 1st instinct is to take a pic.

There are so many times where I have to question whether the 2012 cartoon would have someone do something, but HERE we go by a mix of 2012 AND 2018 logic! MY POWERS HAVE GROWN!!!

(Literally, I love this moment so much. It’s supposed to help the readers move away from horror and to action! And it works!! Translation silliness! I’m glad you share my gigglessss)

(such a curious lil guy, most wouldve hightailed it out of there already instead of going, hmm 🤔why's that alien behemoth over there beating up a rock for? sksk)

PLEASE like any Donatello wouldn’t question the absurdity.

He wasn’t going to go say HI- he was just gonna peek a lil’

😭😭😭 just by this alone I know I'm not walking out of this unscathed. Brotherly love is going to end me I can feel it

Okay, NOW, he’s gonna go say hi

The kindest boi my sweet purple son

On one hand: Would not any normal person think: that’s seems unnecessary it shouldn’t be happening?

On the other hand: GOODEST BOI WANNA HELP 🥺

He waves😭 he waves goodness I can picture it so clearly. Don't wave at the highly volatile threat. why is he like this?

I don’t know but I hope he never changes 😭

IS. IS. I choked on my drink when I read that. The others reactions were so vivid too LMAO. Thank u for including that, it was hilarious.

SPLATTERS this kid is HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING and it’s MURDERING me bc he’s going to die by his own obvious dummy genius brain. This poor child

Ok ok now the fight between krang prime and Dee was awesome. Yeah it's a miracle he's still standing and yeah he got his shell handed to him twice over and he was literally about to die again BUT!

The fact that he was able to hurt prime with nothing but a blade from his broken wooden bo and his sensei's advice echoing in his head is like actually so cool. And he was so sassy doing it too!! (Channeling his inner raph huh? I see what ur doing 👁️👁️)He's got no powers or knowledge of his surroundings or anything just his intellect and quick thinking and he still got a hit! Probably his only hit in close combat w/ prime ever but still yk what I mean right?? Wooh goo Dee!!

DO you see what I’m doing because I think I knew what I was doing but I don’t remember anymore 🤣 EHHHHH struggles

IT WAS ALL THE ELEMENT OF SUPRISE (and the fact that he is used to fighting massive aliens or suited creature) AND A LOT OF LUCK. CHILD WOULD HAVE DIED IF LEON DIDN’T STEP IN, MKAY

Well. He would have died eventually. After Krang was done with him.

And this also made me realize that Donnie came back with everything except his mask. He had his phone, his gear, his bo, his grappling hook(this tool will be handy later) everything except his mask. The one thing that sets him apart from his brothers. That represents who he is besides his staff and big brain. Him. Donatello. Donnie. The turtle before anything else. The brother the son the friend before everything else. Before his inventions, before his skills before his sacrifices and accomplishments and failures. He is the boy who decided his favorite color was purple. Purple. That's him. That's Donnie.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS I’M IN PAIN RN

And it was left behind :(( Against his will. Taken u could say.

I could and I would. BAD ZA’NARON. BAD.

He quite literally and figuratively lost a piece of himself behind when he died huh? I do wonder if he'll ever get it back (but even if he did there ain't no way he'll ever be the same OUGH ur evil)

HA You better bet I am. And I ONLY GET WORSE!!! >:D

(also this fact made the part where Leon gets ticked off and denies Dee being a Donnie feel more angsty and like bitter?? I'm not sure how to describe it But i will talk more about that later lol)

*covers audience’s ears* GEE spoiler alert Splatters

You gotta let ‘em read the next chappy yk

Anyways that's all I have rn. I will come back and continue with the rest of the chs later!! Gn muah muah

I WILL BE COMING AND COMMENTING ON THE OTHERS!

NOTHING WILL STOP ME!!!!

Um can I like, ask stuff about ur au here🥺? Well its more thinking out loud and putting a magnifying glass on several moments during ur fic than asking. Cuz asking means answering and I'm not about to make u do that unless u want to(I dont wanna be the reason u unload the whole lore yk lol) (and i also didn't want to like bug u too much either with my brainworms and excitement)

ABSOLUTELY!

I would LOVE to have my AU under a magnifying glass! There are so many little things about my own AU that I go NUTS over and I would LOVE to hear what moments have caught your eye! You would NEVER bug me with your brain worms! (No one would!) I'm eager to see what about my AU is wiggling around in your brain!

And that means questions too! Ask away!

I may not answer all (or any) if it means too heavy spoilers, but I would be happy to have a chance to consider new elements that the outsiders are seeing and I am not. I love finding connections that I didn't even realize existed before that moment! Maybe I'll add in Easter eggs based on ideas that you guys have! (Maybe.)

I am seriously overthinking this fic and would love to hear any and everything from you guys! LET'S GO CRAZY!

[imashoe69420]

hiii! <3

i was hoping we could get a post movie leo where reader got like really bad hurt by the kraang, and they're in a coma for a longlong time and then they finally wake up, but they still have a lot of recovering to do and leo's reaction through it all?

i know this is a pretty sad concept but im a sucker for angst and i need more of it in this fandom tbh lol i hope this is ok to request!!

I love when y’all say this bc I fucking love writing angst bc I get to interpret Leo and the reader’s dynamic. And I do agree that we need more, I love fluff but cmonnnnn 😩

But I will try my best to fulfill your request! :)

=================================

I Still Need You

Rise!Leo X Injured!Reader (Part 1)

Prompt: When you go into a coma after the Kraang Battle, Leo takes it harder than the rest of his brothers.

Pronouns: Gender Neutral (they/them)

Relationship: Dating (official)

Timeline: Post!Movie

Warnings ⚠️: Strong language, angst, blood, mourning, mentions of trauma

Look here for part 2

================================

“C’mon, (Y/N),” Leo urged them as he carried them towards the Med Bay within the lair, “stay with me!”

Their eyelids flickered, staring up at the turtle. “Leo… I wanna… I wanna sleep..”

“No!” Leo somewhat shouted at them. “Don’t go to sleep! Just keep looking at me, baby. We’re gonna get you fixed up. Just keep your eyes on me.”

But little could be done. Their boyfriend focused and unfocused in and out of their vision. “Leo… am I gonna die…?”

He stared down at them, a look of anguish defining his features. In all honesty, he didn’t know. When Raph threw the debris off of your still form, all he saw was blood. Blood and ash from the crumbling building. Adrenaline stopped him from standing and staring too long as he instantly scooped her up and headed to the lair with the rest of his brothers.

Leo couldn’t lie to them. “Just keep looking at me. Don’t close your eyes.”

Right from the very beginning of the invasion, he had told (Y/N) to stay behind in the lair. They were as stubborn as always and followed Splinter and April to the surface, and he only knew of this when he heard them on the mics they all had on them. He’d told them to go back to safety, but they were determined to help him and his brothers defeat the Kraang. The last thing Leo had heard from them was a scream and then their mic cut out.

When Leo entered the Med Bay, he shouted for Donnie as he gently laid (Y/N)—who’d passed out by now—down on a vacant gurney.

The purple clad turtle rushed into the room with a box containing Saline solution. He hooked it onto the IV pole and attempted to find a vein within (Y/N)’s arm before Leo piped up.

“They don’t need that!” The turtle exclaimed as he grabbed Donnie’s shoulder. “You have to stop the bleeding! They’re bleeding from somewhere!”

Shrugging his hand off and sneering, Donnie finally pushed the needle into their arm. “It doesn’t work like that, Leo. They need fluids before I can do anything.”

Just then, the blue clad turtle realized he’d been shaking the entire time. Shaking with both anxiety and anger. “Donnie, they’re gonna fucking die! Don’t you realize that?! (Y/N)’s gonna—”

“Dammit, Leo!” The older twin bottled his fist, striking the floor in protest. “I’m trying my best! You’re distracting me so you need to leave!”

Everything seemed to go in slow motion after his brother’s demand. Leave? Leave them? After all they’d been through, he was just going to leave them alone? Leo went to say something, but then gazed down at his blood ridden hands and plastron. Thoughts rushed through his mind as the turtle began to breathe heavily.

This was his fault, he thought. If he had just let Raph get the key, the Kraang wouldn’t have been unleashed from the Prison Dimension. Casey wouldn’t have been raised in a post apocalyptic world. Everyone and everything would be normal. He should’ve been more deliberate in telling (Y/N) to go back underground rather. He was the cause of their pain and potential death.

He then suddenly felt a hand caressed his wrist, breaking him out of his pity party. “Leo, I need you to get a grip. (Y/N) will be fine if you let me help them. So, please. You have to go.”

“I…” is all Leo could utter before Donnie returned to (Y/N) to tend to their wounds.

Despite the harshness of his words, they stuck in the blue turtle’s mind. His partner was dying and harassing their only help wasn’t useful. There didn’t need to be anymore blood on his hands. He’d fucked up enough already, he thought.

~~~

For the next few days, Leo slept at the entrance of the Med Bay. Donnie didn’t allow him to see them until they were stabilized. The brothers had argued the first and second time, the younger twin claiming he had every right to see his partner no matter their condition. Donnie argued that (Y/N) still needed to be moderated and didn’t need Leo to stress them out.

(Y/N) had developed seizures that lasted longer the more they occurred, forcing the scientist to put them in a medically induced coma. His twin wasn’t happy about that either on the grounds of the improbability of them ever waking up.

“Leo, this isn’t a debate.��� Donnie groaned as he stood behind the glass at Med Bay entrance with another IV bag in his hand. “(Y/N) needs time to heal and coming in to profusely ask them if they’re okay isn’t helpful.”

A fist formed at Leo’s side, glaring at his brother. “All I’m asking for is to see them.”

Donatello shook his head with a sigh. “You don’t want to see them right now. Trust me.”

“Then—” but again, his brother ambled further into the Med Bay, blatantly ignoring him.

It made him angry that he wasn’t being heard. Earlier that day the first argument ensued, Leo had witnessed Raph enter the Med Bay as he was returning from breakfast with his youngest brother. The twin pounded on the door demanding to be let in, but he wasn’t sure if they had even heard him or his older brothers were ignoring his pleas.

The idea of what (Y/N) was going through provoked instant nausea, leading Leo to stay in the bathroom by the toilet for hours. Nothing stayed down and it was as if he made himself physically sick from worry.

Eventually, Mikey grew concerned when he’d heard dry heaving and entered the bathroom only to be turned away.

“I’m alright, Mikey.” Leo reassured him. “Please just leave.”

The youngest brother didn’t know exactly what to say. This was Raph’s area of expertise. He would’ve said something motivational or profound, but all the orange clad turtle could do was crouch down next to him and place his hand against Leo’s shell as he expelled into the toilet once more.

In a way, Mikey had been left in the dark with (Y/N)’s condition, too. He assumed Donnie thought he’d tell Leo what was going on with him. But looking at his lethargic brother now, he felt like he owed him some kind of update.

So later that day, Mikey took it upon himself to call his brother and plead with him to let him or Leo know how (Y/N) was doing.

“Don, Leo’s losing it. He was literally throwing up just a few hours ago. Why can’t you just tell me what’s happening with them. Just to keep him from—”

“Mikey,” Donnie cut him off, “did he put you up to this?”

The orange turtle furrowed his eyebrows. “Wha—no! I said I—”

Through the phone, Mikey heard loud pounding footsteps grow louder until they paused and he heard the voice of his oldest brother. “Listen, Mikey. I know you and Leo are worried about them, but you have to understand that we don’t even fully know their condition. We will let you know when (Y/N) is better.”

The youngest turtle attempted to say something else, but the call dropped right after Raph had finished his sentence.

~~~

A week passed. (Y/N) was still in the coma and Leo was still sleeping at the Med Bay entrance. In fact, he’d gone from sleeping there to basically moving his entire room into the narrow space.

One night on his way out of the wing, Donnie almost tripped over the younger twin and the spread of comic books and blankets scattered across the floor. The scientist grumbled in frustration, gazing down at the mess.

He squatted down to his brother’s side and shook him slightly. “Leo, wake up. You can’t sleep here anymore if you’re gonna leave all this here.”

Leo glanced at him before snatching his shoulder away, turning the opposite way. “I can sleep wherever I want.”

“Sure—but not where people can trip over you.” He began collecting the comics, placing them into neat stacks.

The blue turtle sized Donnie up as he organized his comics before sighing. “Do you even care? You’re seriously more concerned about everybody else tripping over someone—your own brother—that’s been sleeping on the floor for over a week?”

Donnie grumbled as he set the final comics down on the stack. “I do care, Leo. My problem is you don’t trust me. You know I know what I’m doing. Just trust that I will tell you when (Y/N) is better.”

“But I don’t!” He swiped his hand through the middle on the comic pile, swiftly knocking it over. Leo leapt to his feet, Donnie copying his action. “I don’t fucking trust you. It’s been a week and I don’t even know if (Y/N) is alive! Them ending up like this is my fault so I should be allowed to have a part in this. I’ve literally been sick to my fucking stomach for days and you just don’t give a fuck. So no, I don’t trust you. Not with this, Donnie.”

The scientist’s expression remained stoic, which only pissed off Leo more.

Realistically, Donnie did care to an extent. He cared that his brother was getting physically sick from worry. He cared that his brother was sleeping at the entrance of the Med Bay. But he knew all Leo’s worries would be resolved if (Y/N) was awake and stable. If Leo saw how they looked right now, he’d surely break down and act the way he did when he first brought them to the lair.

Right now, (Y/N) was covered in needles leading to IV bags full of various fluids as well as an oxygen and feeding tube. Before they and Leo started dating, (Y/N) would hang out in Donnie’s lab. Most of the time, they would talk his ear off about subjectively meaningless topics. Other times, they’d help him out. The two grew closer until Leo swooped in and ruined everything. They didn’t talk to Donnie as often, mostly going out somewhere with their boyfriend.

To Donnie, his brother’s current demeanor was unjustified. For years, Leo had (Y/N) all to himself. Would it kill him to be without them for a few weeks? He’d stolen his friend, and while what the older twin was doing wasn’t intentionally vindictive, he didn’t feel all that bad for Leo.

The older twin pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. “Listen… I’m doing my best to get (Y/N) stable enough for you to see them. I’m not a miracle worker—I’m not even a doctor. Do you think I’m not stressed out, too? Like I’m just okay with my friend being in a coma? Did you think I liked doing that?” Donnie fought off tears as he continued. “You have no reason not to trust me. They were mine before they were yours, so don’t pretend that I don’t care! Don’t insinuate that I’d lie about their condition! And stop throwing the same goddamn pity party for yourself. Nobody is pressing you except yourself. I am the only one that’s been getting harped on, so shut the fuck up!” He then stomped passed the glass doors into the Med Bay.

Anger—no, malice suddenly consumed Leo as he stared daggers into the back of Donnie’s head. Who the fuck did he think he was? “They were mine before they were yours”. (Y/N) had always been his. And why did he feel the need to bring it up at this moment in time? What was his point in saying that?

Malice soon took control of his body as he flew past the glass doors, charging at his older twin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note: Soooo I’m realizing this is getting super long and there’s so much more I want to write, so I’m breaking it up into two (possibly three) parts.(´∀｀)

The second part should be coming out a day or two after this part is posted, so keep watch if you’re interested!

~ Han7a

[imagionationstation]

I saw this tiktok video and it fits the 2012 boys so much

Here

Donnie : "me and Raph have two ither brothers, this one *glances at mikey who's clinging to his arm* needs to be touching me at all times, abd if he's nit touching me at all times it's all hell breaks loose

And i have another brother, over there *glances at leo *...

Who's determined to kill himself—"

🤣 This shouldn’t be true, but it is, and I shouldn’t have laughed-

OMGee, though, I just have this scene in my head that basically goes on instant repeat when I see memes/photos about Leo’s concerning martyr habits that’s just-

“For once in your life, stop being so selfish!”

“Selfish?!” Leo goes from annoyed to deadly in the time it takes to blink. “That’s what you think this is? What about risking my life for the planet, to keep you guys safe- is selfish!?”

”The part where you’re just- just gone because you wouldn’t turtle up and stick around! What are we supposed to do then, huh? You’re always saying you’re the leader, that we couldn’t survive five minutes with you- so stay here and lead us!”

”It’s not like I want to die! Sometimes in the only way!”

“Alright.” Donnie steps forward, and that action alone is enough to draw the attention to him. The passive genius prefers to avoid his older brother’s bickering at all costs, but this time, he meets the leader with a leveled stare. “If it’s the only way, then let me do it. Next time, I’ll be the one to take that risk.”

Leo’s heart leaps to his throat. “What? No!”

“Why not?” Donnie’s stare lacks the heat that Raph’s did. It’s almost as if he’s unconcerned by the topic, as if he’s unbothered discussing planned suicide. “It’s a risk someone has to take. Why not me?”

“Because the team needs you!”

”And what team doesn’t need it’s leader?”

“Then I’ll go,” Mikey raises his hand with a helpful smile, and Leo can’t pull in air as he tries to process their youngest being in that kind of danger. “Team won’t fall apart without me, right? I’m no leader or genius.”

“Neither am I. Can’t have you and Leo hogging all the glory.” Raph slings an arm around Mikey’s shoulders, and the fury shifts into a confident smirk. “Me and Mike can take turns. How ‘bout that?”

Donnie nods solemnly, his expression never changing. Leo can’t believe that he’s watching some kind of suicide squad form amongst his ranks. Much less that any of them could actually believe that this is a good idea! “Are you insane?! No!”

“Why not?” Donnie questions a second time, crossing his arms. “It’s perfectly logical. If it has to be done, if there’s no other option, let them do it.”

“I won’t- can’t let you guys make that kind of sacrifice!” Leo’s terrified that this prospect has now lodged itself in their minds, unable to handle considering that they might follow through, that he might actually lose one of them.

“Do whatever it takes to complete the mission, right?” Donnie hums as he taps his bicep. “I don’t see why that can’t fit into those parameters.”

“Maybe because you could die?!”

“So could you.” Mikey points out. “Kinda the whole deal here.”

“It’s decided then.” Donnie claps his hands together importantly. “Mikey takes next end-of-the-world mission and Raph the one after that. Sound good?”

Leo clenches his shaking hands into fists. “No!”

Donnie’s calm stance never faulters. “And why not?”

“Because I could lose them! Or you! All of you!” Leo bursts in the hope of putting a stop to his worst fears. “I don’t care about the world or the mission or- I don’t care! I can’t do that! I can’t lose you!”

Blood pulses in his brain, his heartbeat echoes around him, and his brothers have become blurs. He swallows hard, trying to regain his previous control.

A hand lands on his shoulders.

“What makes you think we can?”

Holy banana pancakes, I didn’t mean for it to get that intense, but I guess it’s just a naturally intense scene in my head. Also- WE NEEDED A SCENE LIKE THIS IN THE SHOW, JUST SAYING, THANK YOU, GOOD DAY-

[ashwii]

Giggling and kicking my feet thinking about that one post about how Raph’s death will inevitably lead to Donnie’s doom as well (or at least to him being harmed) and how Donnie knows that. The person who suggested that rewired something in my brain btw. Sorry for the incoherent word vomit I’m about to unleash.

I’m just wondering - does Raph know as well? I think he does. I think he probably doesn’t like to talk about it but it haunts him some days. He comforts Leo sometimes when he has a particularly bad day, watches his stars die so his brother doesn’t have to face it alone. He watches their planets die alongside them. Earth’s sun is already close or at the halfway mark of it’s lifespan. Raph has about five billion years left before that’s him.

It’s a somber affair all around.

Mortals know from the start that their time is limited. They’re frail, mortal flesh and bone that can only keep themselves together for so long - it’s only logical. For Mikey and Leo, that’s not the case. And it shouldn’t be for Donnie; it wouldn’t be, if it weren’t for Raph.

Mortals know their time is limited. And they know how to cope with it. They are a whole different thing. Their death isn’t lungs with no more air in them or hearts that stop beating.

They try not to think about it, most of the time. Sometimes the moon turns blue and the twins will whisper amongst themselves, sometimes the clouds cover the sun and Raph broods on that knowledge; but they try to focus on the present nevertheless. Raph smothers his brothers with as much love and care as he can and they let him.

Donnie and he are similar in how they deal with their mortality in at least one regard - that they don’t want to waste a single second of their lives.

YESSSSS YES THE ANGST YESSSSS

I think they all know that eventually, at some point, the sun will die, as will the moon. What im thinking more of is how leo will feel. Leo FEELS each and every star and sun die. He's learned to cope with it, learned to handle it, understands that it's the circle of their life. But raph, oof, that's his brother there. THAT one's gonna HURT hurt, for a while too.

Fun times in this au NDHSJIA

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Hello! Could you know what the boys' jealousy would be like if Casey flirted with their S / O? 😂

ok this is so fun

Leo

so you’ve just gotten to the lair and you’re sort of hanging around out of the way and fixing your clothes-making sure you look presentable 

when a guy you’ve never seen before walks up to you with this kinda cute, kind of arrogant smirk 

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing in this dump?”

before you even have time to answer he’s taking again, you imagine he likes the sound of his own voice

“You must be lost. Tell ya’ what, why don;t we get out of here and I’ll take you somewhere nice? Maybe dinner?”

that’s when you look over and see Leo leaning against the door frame smiling

why the fuck was he smiling?

Casey notices you look away and follows your gaze

Leo starts “No, please. Keep it up. I’m sure my girlfriend loves this. Where else would you like to take her?” he’s still smiling but there’s a hardness to his voice

Casey realises the fuck up he’s just made and starts to backtrack “I only meant-I didn’t know-I mean you guys date?-How could I-”

Leo continues “after dinner, then what? A nice moonlight walk around the park? Huh?” 

Casey just takes the L and walks away

you thank Leo for getting you out of that to which he just responds “I don’t no you sure you wouldn’t rather grab dinner with him?” He says with a wink

Raph

so it’s not a party as such, just the boys and a few of their friends hanging out, drinking, listening to music. A few people you haven’t met before

speaking of people you’ve never met before- a guy approaches you

“Can I just say, you look far too beautiful to be cooped up down here in a sewer. Let’s say you and I go get a drink somewhere”

he puts his hand on your waist

you already know what’s coming

no sooner than he touches you, a hand appears on his shoulder and pulls him right back

Raphael is all up in his face, not even talking just breathing so hard you think he might kill him

“what’d yer say to my girl?”

It dawns on Casey just how big of a no-no that was

“You want to take her where?”

you have to physically stop him for reaching for Casey’s throat

as you use all of your strength to pull him away (he’s clearly letting you pull him) he just yell obscenities at him

2 drinks later and he’s calmed down but he’s still giving Casey the evil eye

this turt needs a lot of validation and affection from you for the rest of the night to get over it

a few hours later and he’s back to laughing and joking with Casey and all is good

Mikey

You got the the lair before the boys did, this wasn’t unusual but you didn’t like feeling like you were invading their space

but it turns out you were’t alone

April and a guy were also there just talking and April introduces him as “Casey”

he clearly takes a liking to you, he’s practically undressing you with his eyes

that’s when he starts to talk “honey, you just look lovely. What the hell are you doing down here? Why don’t I give you my umber and-”

that’s when a “hey, man!” comes from behind you both

“Casey, dawg. Not cool. That’s my girl, my baby, *my* honey! Bro code, man...”

Casey is wide eyed and looking back between you and Mikey

with a “really?” he lets it go and walks away

“Yeah, go steal some other guys chick while you’re over there!” Mikey calls

he seems to handle it pretty well but you can tell he’s a little insecure now

plenty of kisses and affection later and he’s back to his beaming self tho

Donnie

it’s later at the lair and the guys are all doing their respective things

when some guy shows up and seems to know his way around as he happily grabs a drink from the fridge and walks around like he owns the place

cue him spotting you

his eyes light up and he walks over

“this might seem a little forward but, would you like to get dinner with me? I’m Casey and you are....Just to die for”

you give him a confused look, he must be new around here....

unfortunately for you both, Donnie walked in right at the moment

looks Casey up and down, puts and arm around you and asks “Can my girlfriend or I help you, Case?”

realising his mistake, he just says “Nope, not at all” and walks off

but Donnie aint right for the net few hours

you ask him about it and he just says “Well, you didn’t tell him no”

it takes a fair bit of convincing to get him to believe that it’s because you were stunned that he even had the balls to look your way but eventually (and a lot of words of affirmation later) he believes you

he never looks at Casey the same after that day tho

doesn’t trust him around you

[teetlestansecond]

30 days of angst and fluff - 05. isolation

Leo didn't think much when it came to sacrifice. He just went for it - not out of recklessness, not because be was so sure he could handle it, but because he knew that if something were to happen, if someone had to go, he wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of letting his brothers make that call. He was the leader, and while there was a lot he still had to learn, he knew that he was responsible for his team. And that meant he had to get them home at the end of the day, even if that meant he stayed behind.

And he had. He hardly remembered the exact series of events that led to him being trapped in this wasteland, no weapons or siblings in sight. But his brothers had made it home, and years after the fact Leo still found comfort in that fact. Raph wouldn't have made it a day out here, not by himself. And while Mikey probably would have pulled through, the thought of his baby brother stuck in this place was enough to make Leo's heart clench. And Donnie - well, he definitely would have been fine. He would be more than fine, he'd probably make himself comfortable with how handy he was.

But it didn't matter because Leo was the leader. Leaders made the sacrifice play, not nerdy brothers.

He wondered how they were. How his dad and April were. April would be graduating college soon, if the tally marks he'd been leaving on the wall were accurate. He was willing to bet she was the pride and joy of the journalism department, with how good she was. He wondered if she was still with Sunita, or if things had ended. He wondered if any of his brothers had found love, if they had a chance at giving Splinter those grandkids he used to talk about wanting so badly.

Leo could almost hear Splinter talking about it in his mind - but his memory of the rat's voice was hazy. He could tell that he'd be forgetting soon. All of their voices, really, after years of not hearing them, they were escaping his memory.

Sitting on the edge of the cliff outside his shelter, Leo gazed out over the vast nothingness of his prison and sighed.

He wasn't ready to forget.

He wondered if they'd forgotten.

Their lives were probably a little different without him. Raph had likely taken back the mantle of leader, it suited him. Had they cleaned out Leo's room? Were they caring for his plants? He'd never been avid about note taking, but he'd written a whole reference guide on caring for each one, he wondered if they were following it, or if they'd tossed the plants altogether.

He wondered if they missed his one-liners now. If he ever got the chance to, that would be one of the first questions he’d ask - after hugging them all as tight as he possibly could.

That was another thing he couldn’t remember anymore. The sturdy spikes on Raph’s shell and the leathery feel of Donnie’s. The warm comfort of Mikey’s hugs or Splinter’s reassuring hand on his shoulder. Leo craved those little things more than almost anything, the simple comfort of being touched and held.

The misery settled deep in his chest, but no tears fell. Leo had long ago run out of tears to cry, and was convinced that if he gave in to the overwhelming desire to mourn he’d never be able to pick himself back up, and he couldn’t afford that. The only thing he could afford right now was hope - blind, painful hope that somehow, one day, he’d make it back home.

Hope was the only thing keeping him going. The only thing waking Leo up every morning and the only thing on his mind when he went to sleep at night. He knew there was a chance his hope would lead to nothing. He might die in this place, alone and aching for his family.

But maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t. And that thought, small as it was, would have to be enough.

[doctorelleth]

I haven't written anything fictionwise since like 2017, but the itch is starting to come back. I might even finish those fanfics I've left in the dusty corners of ao3, but right now I think I might dive into the tmnt fandom. Anyway, here's a small rough draft drabble of something I'm working on. Plan is to turn it into a proper longfic, but this scene just hit me really hard. No real warnings, mostly SFW. Just a brief mention that sex exists. Takes place in Bayverse.

“You don’t got to worry about me, Leo. I’m ride or die.”

When Amber said this, she nearly had tears in her eyes. Leo knew he intimidated her, and honestly was beginning to suspect the reasons behind that had little to do with his being a mutated reptile. Everything about her just seemed fragile.

He did worry, though. It wasn’t exactly her in particular, but more like humans in general. Even if realistically she had too much to lose and far too much to gain by keeping her mouth shut. But Mikey’s smiles and genuine joy every time she walked into the room were too much to ignore. And really, everyone in their family could be said to have a habit of indulging him when he lit up like that. Even if this was, well, new and frankly terrifying .

Yeah, they had a few human friends, but a girlfriend was another story entirely. Especially one in her state.

“...so...” Donny had slinked up alone side him as he watched Amber and Mikey giggling together on the couch from the railing above. “...I was thinking about...ya know...doors...”

Leo couldn’t help but scoff at that. It was increasingly obvious that the open floor plan they’d lived with for so long was on the verge of no longer working, to put it politely.

“Anything I can do to help, just ask. I mean, I’m happy for him but...”

“Yeah, I don’t need that kind of details either. Supplies shouldn’t be too much of an issue. We still have those wood panels left over from Raph’s ‘sculpture phase’.” He used air quotes. “Really, I just need to scrounge up some hinges.” He turned to leave.

“Donnie...” his brother hesitated. “Do you think this is a good idea?” Leo nodded toward Mikey and Amber.

Donny let out a long slow sigh.

“I don’t really know. But...well look at him. He’s so...happy.”

Leo gave the barest shake of his head.

“It’s not Mikey I’m worried about.” Leo turned to face him. “Don’t try to tell me you haven’t come up with the statistical likelihood of this going south.”

“...I have. And it isn’t high.”

Leo raised his eyebrows.

“Look, what Mikey said is true. She doesn’t have anywhere else to go. And from what I could find, everything she told us is true too. Amber’s got more to gain by staying here than being out there.”

“She’s human. She can leave anytime. She doesn’t have to be here.”

“Yeah, But I think at this point it’s clear she wants to be here. Look, I get it. But I think we can trust her.” Donnie looked back at them. “And...I mean, come on Leo. Are you really going to tell me you haven’t thought about it? They’re together.”

“We don’t know that they’ve...”

“I think it’s pretty obvious at this point.”

Leo pursed his lips.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Neither am I. But knowing we could all have that?” Donny exhaled. “It just...it gives me hope, you know?”

I’m ride or die, Leo.

He couldn’t get Amber’s voice out of his head. After he corned her and all but demanded to know how serious she was. Yeah, it gave him hope. Though at the same time, that hope came with knowing that the more people who knew about them, the more danger his family was in. That he was more scared of the humans they protected then he was of Aliens and murderous psychopaths was a topic he wasn’t a hundred percent willing dissect just yet.

It was easier, when he thought that his experience with sex would never extend past a sock and and his own imagination. Maybe it just hurt less to just not have hope.

He ran a hand over his forehead.

“Yeah Donnie, it does.” Leo said tiredly. “So...doors. You want help with that?”

“Wouldn’t mind.” His brother shrugged.

[soundwavemain]

We’ve Still Got Hope

Chapter 7: Drifting

The new cave the team settled down in was… adequate. It was good enough for what they needed. A hidden place where they could tend to their wounded and rest before moving to a more secure location. It also happened to be too close to their old cave which wasn’t good practice for an escape but there was only so much ground they could cover when their leader was bleeding out. Not to mention Junior’s condition had worsened since they left.

“Stay awake, little warrior,” April murmured encouragingly, tapping his cheek to keep him from falling asleep. She watched Donnie run a scan, a scowl already creasing his face. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s still not stable. I don’t get it. His pacemaker should be doing its job. Why isn’t it working?” he hissed, tapping at his tech brace. “It’s like it blew a capacitor or something.”

“Do pacemakers even have capacitors?”

“Do pacemakers have capacitors,” Donnie repeated while waving his arms around. “I don’t know! I never studied medical aids before. I just made sure the stupid thing worked.” April took Donnie’s hand. It forced him to stop, breathe. He needed to relax. It wouldn’t help anyone to have a manic turtle. He slipped out of her grip to press his hand against Junior’s chest. “I don’t know what’s wrong. If I had access to our equipment maybe I could get a proper read but without it I’d just have to guess.” He tapped a beat on the back of Junior’s hand. The kid seemed to follow it with his breathing, completely unaware. “We don’t even have anesthesia. If I were to open him up to fix what malfunctioned,” Donnie trailed off with a shiver.

“Why not go back to recover some stuff from our old cave?”

“No way. The kraang could be waiting for us there.”

She hesitated. She looked down at Junior. He seemed frail in her arms. It reminded her of when he was still a baby, impossibly small and frail. She spoke in a hushed tone, “What about Raph?”

Donnie sat up straight, his gaze hardened by an unnameable emotion. “Don’t mention–”

Leo stepped into the cave. Dark undereye bags marred his skin, visible for once since he hadn’t bothered to put his mask on. He had a hollow, disinterested expression on his face. He stared at them, grunting when they didn’t continue talking. “Please,” he started sarcastically, “don’t stop because of me.”

April looked between the two brothers. She desperately wanted to say something to ease the tension thick in the air but was at a loss for words. This was so unlike any other situation they’d been in. Even when Splinter died, they could at least grapple with the grief by remembering the full life he lived. But Raph…

Leo sat down next to her, gaze softening once Junior was in his sights. “We need to get our stuff back,” he whispered, brushing Junior’s bangs off his face. “Raph is waiting for us.”

April and Donnie shared a look. “I don’t think–”

“He wasn’t suggesting it,” Casey cut in. She stood in the cave entrance, face hidden in shadows but her voice alone struck a chord with everyone. “We need that equipment. I’m not letting my kid die because of the kraang.” She engaged her mask, her eyes glowing red. “Purple, O’Neil, on me. Blue and Orange will stay behind and keep watch. Any questions? No? Good.”

No one mentioned that she hadn’t given anyone enough time to speak. They all knew better than to go between Casey and her son. April gently placed Junior on Leo’s lap. For a moment, Leo looked tranquil holding Junior, fussing with his hair. Then Mikey appeared with a flash of orange chains. His hands hovered over Junior’s body, glowing as he used his mystic energy. She stepped away, hesitantly at first, then she rushed as Casey called after her. She trailed behind Donnie who leaned down to speak quietly with Casey. They must’ve been discussing something important if Donnie was bothering to keep it on the down-low. That wasn’t really his style.

At some point along their journey, Casey snapped at him. They were further ahead so April couldn’t understand what Casey said but Donnie recoiled, closing in on himself. The rest of their trip went by in awkward silence.

...

Donnie didn’t recognize their old cave upon sight. If April hadn’t pulled on his robe to stop him, he would’ve walked right past it. It was a sad pile of rubble, some walls still upright by some miracle. His legs trembled at the sight. He knew better than to get attached to the caves–they were always temporary, a means to an end, he reminded himself–but they had spent a good ten years in this cave. It was the cave Junior took his first steps in, where he said his first words.

A hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He didn’t have to check to know April stood beside him. She squeezed his hand. “Do you want me to look for Raph?”

He processed her words slowly. It was a simple question. An out, an option for escape. He fumbled with his tech brace. Raph’s icon blinked a happy grin on his forearm. “No,” he answered in a flat voice. “He’s injured. I’m the only one with enough medical knowledge to help him.” He spoke in a matter-of-fact manner. It was all he could do to postpone the downward spiral his mind seemed so intent to go on.

Thankfully, April didn’t argue. She gave his hand one final squeeze then joined Casey in digging for their equipment. Donnie made his way outside, following the destruction. He barely checked his tracker. Raph’s happy face mocked him.

You left me, it whispered cruelly. You abandoned your brother.

“Shut up.”

His voice was weak. Pathetic. He didn’t have time for this self-deprecating bullshit. The buildings were almost completely decimated. No doubt from the kraang and Raph’s battle. He searched for something–anything–that could tell him where his brother was. All he found was Leo’s sword, new nicks lining the sharpened edge. Other than that, there were no signs. Donnie checked his tech brace. It flashed rhythmically.

    Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep.

“Where are you?” he asked aloud. There wasn’t movement, noise, or any other indication that there was a living being in his vicinity. “Stupid,” he hissed, smacking his wrist brace. “Useless hunk of junk–”

Something tackled him from behind. Together, they rolled until they slammed into a wall. Donnie scrambled for Leo’s sword, just a few inches away–just out of reach–but the crushing weight on his shell stopped his attempts. His breath came out in aborted bursts. There was no hope of calling for help. Whatever held him down wrapped a slithering appendage around his neck and lifted him off the ground.

The kraang? Donnie knew they shouldn’t have come back. He couldn’t even warn April and Casey before the blasted alien strangled him. He had to fight back, get free. He had to protect his family. He kicked his legs, struggling enough that his attacker dropped him. He grasped at his throat, taking in huge gulps of air as he grabbed the hilt in his free hand.

The sword felt light as air.

Donnie turned over and thrust the blade at his enemy.

Raph stood above him.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow-motion around Donnie. A warped version of his brother held himself above him, pierced by Leo’s sword. There was no question it was Raph. Even with a pink mass covering a good portion of his skull. But it made no sense–

Suddenly, Raph screeched. It was an awful wailing sound that shot through Donnie’s tympana. “Raph,” he shouted, shoving at his brother to get him off the blade, “I’m sorry. Sorry! Get– Work– Damn it! I can fix this just– just work with me.”

The sword slid from the wound, followed by a gross squelching as blood dripped from the gash. Donnie’s stomach turned over at the scent. Rancid, putrid–almost akin to the stench of rotting corpses. There was a reason he didn’t perform rescue missions. They needed heroes. Not someone who couldn’t even handle an awful, horrible, foul odor–

But this wasn’t about him. Raph had pulled away, holding the gaping wound on his shoulder. His eyes moved independently of each other before narrowing their focus to Donnie. He bared his teeth–sharper than they’d ever been–and lunged at the scientist.

Donnie managed to dodge at the last minute, using the sword to parry Raph’s body. “Let me help you!” He blocked a swing from a tentacle arm. “Come home with me–with us. Your family needs you!”

Raph screeched at him. He barely had enough time to react. He jumped to avoid a low sweep… forcing him straight into the tentacle arm’s grip. Donnie struggled to hold onto the sword but he felt more than heard it fall from his hand as his vision began spotting due to the constricting force upon his head. Panic quickly set in. Donnie kicked and punched the best he could. He knew it was all pointless. Raph had always been stronger than him.

Immense pain flashed through him as what he could only assume were hairline fractures in his skull started forming. Then, it disappeared. The looming threat of death paused in its track. Donnie opened his eyes to see a red sky hanging over him. A shrill ringing filled his tympana as his entire body continued to feel wired by the adrenaline. Slowly, he pushed himself up to talk some sense into his kraangified brother.

Raph was on the ground.

Casey stood above him.

Blood was everywhere. The smell somehow permeated the very air around him. Donnie covered his nostrils to stop the overwhelming stench. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

A hand landed on his shoulder, shocking him. He flinched back, pushing himself to get away from whatever touched him. April watched him. She didn’t respond. She didn’t have to. The trembling frown on her face said it all. Then she opened her mouth. She spoke to him, the gentle tone of her voice coming to him completely muffled. He kept staring at Raph’s body slowly oozing blood onto the ground. There had to be a way to fix this. They needed Raph.

Donnie needed Raph.

“Donatello.”

Casey’s voice held him down, a firm, immovable pressure. He looked up at her. She was completely blank. Was his face like that too? Or did he look like a child with tears streaming down his face as he tried in vain to fix a situation that could never be changed?

April offered her hand. “We have to go home,” she whispered, voice hiccuping at the end. “Junior needs us.”

Donnie stared between her and Casey, then at the corpse of his older brother, pinned to the ground by Leo’s sword. He closed his eyes and took April’s hand.

...

Casey knew the others were brimming with questions the moment they arrived at the cave, but they must’ve known better than to ask when they didn’t see Raph in tow. She shoved the medical equipment she and April managed to scavenge into Mikey’s hands. Nothing else needed to be said.

She moved further along the cave and settled on the ground. Out came her kusarigama. Tending to her weapons usually calmed her down. They didn’t have any oil or even a whetstone to work the blade so there wasn’t much Casey could do other than inspect the chain, then the blade, and wipe away some superficial grime.

Rust dotted its surface from years of use without proper maintenance but she could still see her reflection. Casey hated what she saw. She hated what she had become–a product of the apocalypse.

A killer.

Of course, it was done out of necessity but how many brothers had she taken from the world? Wives, fathers, daughters–

She pushed her weapon to the side.

There was still blood on her hands. There hadn’t been anything to clean them with where they were before and it wasn’t like Casey was the one performing surgery in the other cave. Raph’s blood was on her hands. Could she even call that creature Raph? Raph wouldn’t have been so hellbent on killing his brother. Raph was impossibly kind. He had so much love to give. He gave so much of it to Casey and she killed him.

She killed her best friend.

It was concerningly easy how quick she was about it. Not much pomp and circumstance. She didn’t flinch as she thrust his own brother’s blade into his eye. A guaranteed death. How many times had she done it before only to nameless people that delayed her rescue missions? Why had she killed them? Was that truly the only way? Of course it was, she reasoned. Casey had to believe that, repeat it like a mantra or else she wouldn’t have been able to save anyone.

“Jones?”

She moved slowly, barely processing that someone was talking to her. Leo stood in front of her. The rest of the team behind him.

“Junior is gonna be okay,” he said, kneeling to be more eye-level with her. He searched her face for something–she didn’t know what. She was too distracted by her thoughts.

How was she going to tell Junior?

Casey stared at Leo. “Raph is dead.” Her voice was flat, devoid of emotions. No one responded so she continued. She inspected the blood crusting on her hands. “I killed him.”

Mikey floated forward. “You killed him?”

She nodded. Everything felt detached from reality. Saying it aloud changed the situation, charged it with an emotion she feared naming. “He turned. Purple was gonna be next or worse–” Donnie would have died too. “I had no choice.”

“No choice,” Mikey echoed.

No one else spoke. Casey couldn’t decide if the silence was better than outward rage. She looked up at them to gauge their reactions but they were as shocked as her. Leo held onto the wall and slid down to sit beside her.

“There was really no helping him?” he muttered. His gaze remained fixed on her palms, lines of red glaring back at her. “The kraang got to him?”

“The infection had fully gone through his system by the time we arrived,” Donnie supplied. “He didn’t recognize any of us. He would’ve killed anyone in his path. I owe Casey my life,” he murmured the last part. As if he still hadn’t fully come to terms with it.

“You don’t owe me squat,” Casey said, suddenly filled with ire. “I killed Raph–your brother–yell, scream, kick me off the team–”

“You don’t mean that,” Mikey interjected.

She pushed herself to stand. Her whole body trembled. “I do. There’s no forgiving what I’ve done. It’s my fault–”

“Just like it’s mine that Draxum is dead?” he shot back. She recoiled at the venomous tone. He continued, floating toward her so there was no way to avoid the conversation. “Or Donnie’s that Dad is dead? Or–”

“That’s different–”

“Like hell, it is, Casey!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her vigorously. “None of that is our fault! We’re in the middle of the apocalypse. Anything can happen. It’s out of our control.” She turned away so she didn’t have to face him. Her eyes stung with unshed tears she refused to let fall. Mikey’s grip loosened. “You already lost someone you loved,” he whispered. “Don’t push us away too. Raph wouldn’t want that. Not for you.” He took her hand in his, rubbing the crusted blood off her palm. “Or for any of us.”

Casey slowly looked up at the team–her family. They were watching her, tired eyes and exhausted figures huddled close. They weren’t upset. They were grieving but that didn’t mean they hated her. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around it but, regardless of what she thought, they huddled around her, forming a cuddle pile she couldn’t possibly escape. She still felt like she was drifting through but now she knew that they would be waiting patiently to ground her.

...

Junior was slow to wake up after surgery but, when his eyelids finally peeled apart, his mother was waiting by his side. She fiddled with a red mask. It was torn up a bit, like the person who wore it fought rough. It reminded him of his father.

“Mama,” he murmured, still drowsy from the anesthesia.

Casey jumped in her seat, tucking the mask away. Out of sight, out of mind–that was the motto she told him to live by during the apocalypse. He wondered if that was still true, considering the kraang had found them despite their hiding spot. Junior grabbed her hand. It was flushed red like she had been scratching it–had she gotten a rash?–but she didn’t pull away so he squeezed it. She squeezed back. Her face was blank yet her eyes told an entirely different story. She seemed to have a thousand thoughts racing in her mind. Just as Junior was about to say something to calm her down, Casey sighed.

“CJ,” she started, tone firm.

He sat up straight. Casey only ever called him that when she had to tell him something important. “Yeah, Mom?”

Suddenly, she shifted her gaze to their hands. “I wanted to talk to you,” she continued softly, “about life.” She looked back at him. “How it doesn’t always turn out the way you expected.”

Casey opened her mouth to say more but an odd sound left her. It was a hoarse, weak little noise that Junior had never heard his mother make before. She swallowed, lips trembling. Junior’s heart leaped up into his throat. He touched his mother’s cheek, rubbing at the tears slowly dripping down her face. She looked at him, gaze flickering like she couldn’t decide what to look at. A laugh bubbled forth as she took him into her lap and hugged him, running her fingers through his hair. Junior’s shoulder became wet quickly after.

“Mama?”

She paused in her ministrations, tightening her hold on him. “Raph loved you so much, you know that?” She laughed again but it wasn’t a happy thing. It was wet and sad like she was holding back. Her hand trembled as she played with his hair. “When you were a baby he would take care of you. He’d wrap a blanket around his chest and carry you around in it while I was away on missions. You’d always giggle and play with his spikes, even though they were pointy and you’d cry whenever they pricked you–”

“Mama,” Junior whispered, “why are you telling me this? Where’s Dad?”

Casey shook against him. Deep, deep down, he knew what she was trying to say but he didn’t want to believe it. It wasn’t going to be true until she said it. Until he heard it and couldn’t ignore it. Because if his father was fine then why hadn’t he been there to receive Junior with Casey? Why wasn’t he wrapping them up in one of his signature hugs that made everything better?

“Raph is dead.”

Her voice cracked at the end. She couldn’t accept it either. This was tearing her apart too. She pulled Junior closer against her chest, embracing him, but they both knew.

There was no changing this.

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Art by @karday