#he would need to get therapy for that to happen and we all know there's no therapy in papapa land
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Love so sweet
Chapter 2
Warnings: Language, Angst, implied sex.
Chapter 2! Hopefully you guys like this as much as Chapter 1🤍
“Excuse me could you like get out of my way?”
Tabitha whipped around ready to tweak out on someone when she came face to face with Cole, and broke out in a smile instead. She let out a breath of relief, both because she was bursting with happier see him, and because it meant she wouldn’t have to cause a scene in public. Breakups put her in a foul mood and that usually meant some poor soul suffered because of it.
“Hi stranger.” She said accepting his hug. He gave her a squeeze and pulled back to look at her, hands still braced on her arms.
“How are you? I heard you guys broke up…again.” He said with a chuckle
She nodded, hands coming up to hold him by the elbows “What else is new right?”
“True.” He sighed and let go of her, and walking along side her as she continued to shop “You doing okay? We haven’t seen you in a bit.”
It was true. The last week or so had been especially tumultuous between she and Arber, and seeing them unfortunately hadn’t been in the cards. That was one of the worst parts of the constant fighting if she was being honest. She loved his teammates and his friends and most of all his family, but they were exactly that. His teammates, his friends, his family. Not hers. And if they really did ever break up for good she would have to expect to lose them as a part of her life.
But for now, she was fairly certain this was another temporary one.
At least she hoped. This breakup had been rough on both of them and she’d said a lot of things she didn’t mean, and thrown some accusations she couldn’t take back. She hoped Arber knew that she didn’t actually mean them, and it was something she said while in a heightened state, but it wasn’t an excuse. Her emotions felt out of control sometimes and she often said or did things she didn’t mean. At some point she had to pull herself together and start looking at things more level headed.
Maybe she needed therapy.
She nodded and tossed something in her cart “I’m okay I guess. Just been a rough week.”
“Tell me about it. He’s been a mess.”
She frowned “What’s that mean?”
“He just hasn’t been himself. Like more than normal. I hate when you guys fight.” He said frowning at her.
She sighed and nodded “That makes two of us.”
He picked something off a shelf and chucked it in her cart with a shrug “We may as well shop together. Let me tell you about your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend anymore. Fuck this” she said air quoting, as Cole rolled his eyes and made a face “His words not mine.” She finished with a shrug.
“I know they are but you know that’s not for real right? I don’t get what you guys even fight about.”
“Everything basically anymore.” She said offhandedly “Something new to fight about everyday. This one was my fault though.”
“What happened anyways?”
“I-“ she said with a pause “Someone told me that Arber got some girls number when you guys went out the other night when I was working. I just kinda freaked out and here we are.”
“I see. He didn’t, just by the way. I’d tell you if he did.”
“I know that now. Unfortunately I didn’t ask before I yelled at him. Something I’ll have to remember for next time. Oops.” She felt a little embarrassed and glanced at Cole but he wasn’t judging her.
“I get it. But I can promise you he wouldn’t do that. You know that right? Arbers not like that.”
She nodded as they turned the aisle “I do but for some reason I keep doubting it. Maybe I’m crazy. Or maybe I’m just a bitch.” She said with a shrug.
“Nooooo your not.” Cole said with a small smile “I can see your hurting, and it’s any consolation he’s not doing any better. Seems sad.”
“It should make me feel better, but I don’t want him to be sad over me. I just want things to get better.”
Cole smiled a little and bumped her shoulder “And that’s why your so great. You gotta fix things though. Because he’s on the verge of committing a crime out on the ice.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes “He’s always on the verge of committing a crime on the ice. It’s adorable.” She said with a dreamy smile and then coughed to cover it up.
“See?” He said turning to her with a grin “That’s why you guys are perfect for eachother. Kirby asked him where you’ve been the other day and I thought he was going to punch him.”
“He would never punch Kirby.”
“Maybe not but he wanted to. You miss him?”
“Of course I miss him Cole. But if he wants to break up then it is what it is. I can’t make him change his mind. It’s not that simple.”
Cole was shaking his head “You could. All you have to do is call him.”
He was right. It didn’t take a lot to get Arber back and vice versa. Usually just a text or a phone call or even just showing up at his apartment did the job but she was always afraid to reach out just in case it was really over. She couldn’t take it if he told her it was the end, so she usually let him reach out unless she was feeling particularly brave.
As they made their way to checkout Cole updated her on the rest of the guys and how they were doing “They miss you. We went out the other day and they were hoping you’d come out with him. We didn’t know you guys were fighting though.”
“I heard. He was at my house.”
“I knew it!” He said pointing at her “ I knew he was there. He only cancels plans when he’s with you, and he hates going out. He said going out with you gives him anxiety.”
Tabitha chuckled “Yeah talk about him committing a crime.”
They chatted while they checked out and made their way out to the car.
He helped her load her stuff and turned to her, shutting her trunk.
“It was so good to see you.” Cole said as he hugged her, eyes closing and gave her an extra squeeze “Don’t be a stranger okay? Were your friends too.”
She felt her eyes start to water and blinked them away with a nod “I know. I will. Promise.”
He nodded and turned away but paused and glanced over his shoulder “I’ll tell him you said hello. Okay?”
She nodded, unable to speak and gave him a wave and slipped into her car just as tears rolled down her cheeks.
She hated this. She sniffled in the front seat and watched Cole back out and leave the lot as she collected herself. Her route back home took her directly past Arber’s apartment building, and she purposely looked straight ahead. She was always afraid during a breakup that she would drive by and see him with another girl, which was silly because she knew he was most likely with the guys or sulking in the living room.
She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in as she made it through the light and the building disappeared from her view.
***********
“I saw Tabitha at the grocery store.” Cole said off handedly in the dressing room.
Arber paused and half turned “Yeah? And how was that.”
“She said she was so relieved you guys broke up because she’s always wanted to date me.”
“Haaaaaa.” He said making a face “Very funny.”
“I thought so. She misses you.” He said quietly.
Arber nodded “I know. She okay?”
He nodded “She says she is. She told me to tell you hello.”
He sighed and ran a hand over his face and shook his head “Did she say anything else?”
“Like what? Like she wants you to go to her apartment after practice and get her back?”
He rolled his eyes as Cole continued “If I say yes will you do it?”
“It’s not that simple.”
Cole cracked a smile and let out a huff “Funny she said the same thing. You two are wild man. If you can sit there and tell me that you don’t miss her then I’ll shutup.”
Arber shrugged “Of course I miss her. I don’t like fighting with her.”
“Then get it together and go fix it you idiot.”
“Don’t call me an idiot-“
“Then don’t act like one.” Cole said with a shrug “You miss her, go get her back. You know how easy it is.”
“What’s easy?” Slaf said sitting down next to him.
“Arber and Tabitha broke up.” Cole said eyeing him with a small smirk “But he’s going to go get her back right?”
“Again?” Kirby asked pulling off his helmet off “Why now?”
“Maybe you guys should just break up for good.” Nick said.
Kirby, who was closest, slapped his helmet out of his hand “Take that back. He can’t break up with Tabitha. We like her too much.”
“I agree, but this fighting can’t be healthy.”
Arber didn’t say anything while he listened to the the guys talk about him like he wasn’t there.
He hadn’t expected his teammates to take to Tabitha the way they did, and almost instantly. In a very short time they were always bugging him about bringing her along when he went places with them. She was so good with them, and so easy to talk to. They were a good group, and always respectful, but they could be silly and joke with Tabitha and she gave it right back. She could be one of the guys, and in the next minute be the picture of femininity. They loved her, and she loved them and the constant fighting put a wedge between that each time. It made him feel bad.
He kept most of the fighting and breakups to himself when it came to his parents. They had thankfully always been on good terms when they came to visit or when she came to visit and they had fallen in love with her maybe faster than he had. They raved about her night and day to anyone who would stand still long enough, always requesting she be available when they FaceTimed him. She had fit so seamlessly into his life it felt strange when she wasn’t there.
He hated it.
He didn’t say much for the rest of practice and as he left. He heard the guys calling him but he just wanted to go home and pity himself so he waved them off and made his way home.
He thought back to the first time he ever saw her.
The bar was loud and packed and all he wanted to do was go home.
He was tired, his knuckles hurt from the fight he’d been in, and the headache was unlike any other he’d experienced, but he’d been roped into coming out with them to celebrate the win. He was thinking about the best way to plan his exit when he glanced up to find a girl staring at him from across the bar.
He was fairly sure someone was talking to him but heard nothing.
She was beautiful, the prettiest girl he’d ever seen without question, but there was something else about her. Whatever it was, it had him up and out of his chair and making his way across the bar. The closer he got, the more he wished he hadn’t taken a single step but it was too late to back out now. If there was one thing Arber was not, it was easily intimidated, and yet here he was with sweaty hands and something that could only be described as nerves settling in his stomach.
And then she smiled at him.
“Hi.” She said leaning forward on the bar, as he came to stop next to her.
“Hi.”
“I’m Tabitha.” She extended a hand and grasped his, fingers stroking against his in the most pleasurable way.
“I’m Arber.”
“Arber? That’s not a name you hear everyday.”
He chuckled and leaned against the bar top, feeling a little more at ease “Tell me about it. You should hear my last name.”
She smiled “Tell me.”
But he shook his head “No. I’m gonna write it down and I want you to say it.”
He wrote his last name down on a napkin and slid it over to her so she could see it.
“Xhekaj?” She asked glancing at him.
His mouth fell open “You can pronounce that?”
“Yeah? It’s Albanian right?”
“Arbs what-Oh hi?” Cole was standing behind him and smiled at her but then turned back to Arber “Why are you writing your last name?”
“He didn’t think I’d be able to pronounce it.”
Arber turned and looked at him “She said it right on the first try.”
Cole’s mouth fell open “No shit? Are you Albanian?”
“No.” She said with a small laugh and a headshake “I just happen to watch a lot of Habs games at work.”
“Work” ended up being a sports bar and restaurant downtown, and Tabitha tore up his world like wildfire from that point on. Before he knew it she had poured like water into every facet of his life. Her love was overwhelming and smothering sometimes and in the very early months of their relationship he was so infatuated with her he didn’t know his left from his right. He’d felt feelings for girls before but never like this. Tabitha had become everything to him in a very short amount of time, and when his feelings that normally died down a bit didn’t change for her after 3 months he knew she was the one.
And everyone else knew it too, except maybe Tabitha herself.
Even with the way things were, if he could go back to that night he would still get up and approach her every single time. She had made his life better even with the fighting.
As a last resort he called his mom. She was the best listener he knew. She was privy to some of the fighting but not all of it. She had always tried to help him see things from Tabitha’s perspective as well as his own, and that helped sometimes. He never realized how things were for her until someone else told him and that made him feel stupid. He’d just assumed she was as blissfully happy all the time as he was and never thought for a minute that she could be struggling with outside influences polluting her brain. He felt like an ass and had promptly driven to her apartment with flowers, apologized and never forgot what his mom had said after that. The conversation was much the same this time. His mom agreed, that she hadn’t raised a cheater because of she had he wouldn’t be alive, but that you start to believe things when you hear them enough times. It made sense to him, but she also reinforced that he didn’t do anything wrong this time, which he knew of course and Tabitha probably did too. Things had clearly gotten lost in translation and out of hand. But she said it could be fixed. They talked for a while until she hung up, encouraging him to go talk to her and make things right.
He huffed and checked the time, before heaving himself up and grabbing his keys.
Arber had a strict rule of never listening to any of his teammates and their dumb ideas, but hearing his mom say it was more convincing which is how he found himself a short while later following Cole’s suggestion as he made his way down Tabitha’s street. Her porch light was on and her car was parked out front. He hadn’t expected her to be anywhere else, and even though he felt a little bad but he was also relieved to find that she was home. Though he’d said last night he could go out and pick up some girl, which he could, it would be a lot easier for her to do it. And if that happened, then he’d have to have to hurt someone. It was a lose lose.
He knocked three times and leaned on the doorframe with a small sigh, but also some relief. This was usually when things got better rather than worse, and he was glad that it was heading in that direction, hopeful she was in a good mood on the other side of the door. He could hear her shuffling around, and she looked surprised when she appeared and found him standing there. But she smiled apprehensively “Hi.”
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here?”
He shrugged and smiled at her “Just thought maybe I wanted to see you is all.”
Her cheeks turned pink and she took a step back allowing him to walk past her inside. He sat on the sofa and looked at her expectantly as she hovered between the couch and the door.
“Come sit.” He said patting the spot next to him. When she did he reached forward and gripped her hand.
“Tabitha. Can we stop this please.”
She nodded and gave his hand a squeeze “I hate fighting with you Arber. It hurts more every time.”
“Then let’s just stop fighting. We fight over the dumbest stuff. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am not cheating on you. I have no intentions of cheating, it never even crossed my mind. I love you okay?”
She nodded as he continued “You've got to stop listening to other people and just ask me. Whoever is telling you that stuff is full of shit. Do you think if I was cheating on you my teammates would want me to be bringing you around all the time?”
She shrugged and looked at her lap “No.” she said quietly.
“And do you think that I would even be with you if I was out fucking around. I would just be out doing that while I was single. Come on. You know me better than that.”
She nodded “I know. I just feel so anxious all the time.”
“About?” He said leaning forward.
“That you might find someone better.”
“No.” He said with a smile and a shake of his head “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I’ve told you this so many times and it hurts my feelings sometimes that you don’t believe me. I’m not trying to gaslight you, but I try so hard and I feel like it’s all pointless. I don’t know what else I can do for you Tabitha but if there’s something, tell me what it is and I’ll do it.”
Her lip trembled and she squeezed his hand “I love you.”
“I love you too. Come here.” He patted his knee and waited till she was situated before he rested a large hand on her knee “I’m not saying we’re never going to fight because we will. But in situations like this can you promise to at least talk to me before you rip my head off? If something bothering you just tell me what it is. Okay?”
She sniffled and nodded “Okay. I promise.” She leaned a head on his shoulder.
“Do you feel better? Not mad at me anymore?”
“I feel better.”
“Cuz if your still mad and you wanna take it out on me a little I’m game.”
She looked up and snorted out a laugh “I don’t wanna hurt you or anything.”
He held up a fist and smiled “You know I can take a punch.”
She rolled her eyes and wiped away the mascara from under them as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek “If I give you-“ he glanced at the clock “A half hour, think you can be ready to go out to dinner?”
She shrugged “Sure. I just have to fix my face a little.”
“Makeup.” He corrected “There’s nothing wrong with your face.”
“Okay I have to fix my makeup and change. Unless it’s acceptable to wear pajamas whenever it is we’re going.”
“It is not. You will also not be wearing those pajamas when we return home.”
************
Arber felt so much better in the following days, and it was reflected to everyone he knew. He was a little lighter, more talkative and smiled wider which is how the guys knew things were back to normal.
“So things are good again?” Slaf asked as they watched drills during practice.
“Yeah. Much better.”
“Good. Stop fighting. It’s dumb and you’re no fun when your fighting with her.”
“You definitely should fight with her when we play rivalry teams though. Just sayin.” Kirby said from his left.
“No I don’t think that I should. I’m not sure anyone’s ever been arrested for committing crimes on the ice and I don’t want to be the first. Imagine having to explain that to my mom.”
“Tabitha would bail your dumbass out.” Slaf said with a chuckle.
“No she wouldn’t. She’d commit another crime against whoever he committed one against. And then we’d have to alternate weekend visits. Like children of divorce.”
Arber chuckled “Well don’t worry. No divorce here. At least not today.”
*************
“So. Back with…him I see?” Jessica asked cooley, eyeing Tabitha over the table.
She rolled her eyes “Yes. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I wasn’t going to say-“
“You were. You always have something to say about me and Arber and I’ve heard it all before. So save your breath.”
“You know Tabitha. We’re just looking out for you.”
At first she’d really believed it. She really felt like her friends wanted her to be done with a ther because it was in her best interests. But now she felt like they nagged her about him all the time and it was getting real old real fast.
It was constant.
If they were complaining about them together, they were complaining about Arber himself and if they weren’t doing that they were fueling her paranoia about the rumors by adding to them. I heard Arber did this, I heard Arber did that blah blah blah. Tabitha was over it in a big way. She found herself hanging out with them less and less. They had noticed this of course and then claimed that he was “isolating” her because he was this big evil monster that had taken over her life and her happiness. But really it was just because they were awful. She could understand them not liking Arber at first. That first breakup followed a huge blowup of epic proportions that made Tabitha ugly cry for days. Understandable how they would be weary of him after that, and he agreed they had every right to feel that way. But it had been over a year now and they hadn’t even thought about giving him another chance. If they had, they would see that Tabitha was at fault for half of not more of their breakups and arguments. She’d tried her best to rehab his image, and he had at first too but finally he said he wasn’t going to try and make peace with people who didn’t want to make peace.
It just wouldn’t be worth it.
She’d even arranged “accidental” encounters put at the bar and still no such luck. They avoided Arber like the plague and he did the same to them. So Tabitha was left somewhere in the middle. It was funny though, that her friends couldn’t stop saying terrible things about Arber and he never brought them up unless she talked about them. Sometimes made her wonder who was really the terrible one in her life.
They didn’t say much else, and neither did Tabitha but she excused herself earlier than she needed to, so she could pick up Arber while her car was in The shop getting new tires.
She sat in the parking spot drinking her nails on the steering wheel, and ran her fingers over the cool leather with a small sigh.
She felt so much better now that things with Arber had settled and her stupid friends had ruined it. She always felt, no matter how things were with him, that the disappointment of her friends ruined every good patch. They made her feel so shitty about her relationship with him, even when things were fine. Their tone was always dripping in disappointment when they talked about him which was often.
It was mentally exhausting having to play middle man between them.
She did know however she felt much more mentally exhausted having to shield herself from their disappointment than it was to be with Arber.
She shook her head and looked at the clock. Arber would be home in 30 minutes.
That would make everything better.
#arber xhekaj#arber xhekaj fic#arber xhekaj x reader#hockey fanfiction#hockey tumblr#hockeyblr#hockey fic#hockey imagine#hockey tag#hockey romance#hockey blurb#hockey fandom#hockey fluff#hockey x oc#nhl fanfic#nhl imagine#nhl fic#nhl fanfiction#nhl blurb#nhl x oc#nhl writing#montreal canadiens
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Okay, but seriously, I have a mighty need for a Yue Qingyuan who came out of the cave something less than human. CW for body horror of the "bit like OG form Zhuzhi Lang, but dragon instead of snake and at least one third sword and very, very painful" variety.
They broke his body and the failed bond shattered his meridians and when he was nothing but broken broken broken, locked in the dark with only his terror and Xuan Su for company
he forgot, for a while, that he was meant to be human.
He was pain and regret and more pain and it's not like he could see himself in the pitch black of the cave. Something bled all over the walls, the floor and even the ceiling, and it could very well have been that neither sword nor boy knew how much blood there was supposed to be in the human body and that was all. It would have been strange, but not the strangest thing to ever happen. If some of the marks on the stone looked too much like clawmarks, that was only a coincidence. Some luckily spaced sword slashes, his Shizun insisted when Mu shidi pointed them out the day they came to fetch him.
He eventually put himself back together, after all. Xiao Jiu was expecting his Qi-ge, not whatever the thing thrashing against the walls of the cave was. He sheathed Xuan Su - he didn't remember the heavy scabbard, carved bone and eerily warm to the touch, but the metal inlay matched the sword so surely it was already there. He just forgot about it. His Shizun stared at the bleached bone, his face going pale as a sheet, and ordered everyone not to touch it, as if it would bite anyone who was not Yue Qi.
Xiao Jiu was his reason, the center of his world, so he put himself together to be the best and warmest big brother his Xiao Jiu cold ever want - and he would never talk about the thing in the cave. When he let himself think too long on it he was certain that Yue Qi died in the dark and he's whatever beast of pain and guilt that hatched from his corpse.
He couldn't bear to tell Xiao Jiu that Qi-ge wasn't strong enough to survive, not even for his sake, so he said nothing. Continues to say nothing. Whatever betrayal Xiao Jiu imagines, it couldn't possibly measure up to the enormity of Qi-ge's failure.
It takes a small thing to unmake him, in the grand scheme of things. He is walking with Shen Qingqiu from the latest Peak Lord meeting when something strange tickles the back of his throat. The tiniest bit of suspicious pollen that escaped the Medicine Peak's greenhouse, maybe a whiff of some rare beast Liu Qingge dragged back to show off to his disciples.
It's the strangest sneeze he ever experienced, one that seems to upend the very world, and when he focuses his eyes again Shen Qingqiu is staring at him with a wild mixture of fascination, anger and terror. Only when he opens his maws to ask what startled the other when he realizes that the shell of Sect Leader Yue has unraveled to show the beast he became in the dark.
Xiao Jiu was never meant to see him like this, never meant to discover the beast under the shell, so he never bothered to fix this part of himself. As far as he can tell from a cursory glance (Xiao Jiu makes a noise of distress when the beast tries to turn his head to take stock of himself, so he immediately turns back in alarm) he looks mostly like a dragon, albeit one that someone tried to put through a round or three of lingchi, skin and scales and flesh peeling from where he rubbed it raw against the walls of the cave. Makes sense, he thinks. He hasn't seen it in years, but there is a dragon etched into Xuan Su's blade.
Remembering his sword, he looks around in alarm to locate it.
"It's right there." Xiao Jiu sounds unusually queasy as he gestures towards the beast's chest. He twists his long neck until he can see and oh, there it is, safe and snug, sheathed between his ribs. He breathes deep to feel his lungs expand against it, twists around to see if any movement would dislodge it or not, but it's safe there. It doesn't hurt one bit. It belongs there.
"Thank you, Xiao Jiu." It comes out a little garbled, but he brightens up to discover that he can still speak, right until the moment Xiao Jiu makes a hysterical hiccuping sound. He made that noise before, when a horse kicked his Qi-ge and he thought the hoof had caved his skull in.
"Don't speak. Please." After a moment of silence he rallies anew and swiftly strips off his outmost robe so he can throw it over the beast's head. "And don't you dare take that off!"
It smells like Xiao Jiu, so the beast that was once Qi-ge is content to stay where he is while Shen Jiu turns into a hurricane of action - he drags Mu shidi and his medics over, yells at the disciples until they clear out one of the isolated stone gardens for him, sends runners to Wan Jian and to every peak's library pavilions to see if they can dig up anything useful - and all the while he is bombarding Mu Qingfang with questions, having soon sussed out that their shidi knows something about this situation.
While Xiao Jiu rakes poor Mu shidi over the coals the beast sits placidly among the many senior medics, listening to the Qian Cao head disciple mumble under her breath while she notes down all their findings. So, he's not quite a dragon, after all. Some parts of him are still clearly Yue Qi. That thought makes him smile a little as he looks down at one of his hands, rubbing the dried blood off his shattered claws. He broke all of them, trying to get out of the cave, as well as most of his bones. He is absently aware that he is in agony, but he can't fully comprehend what that means right now, so it's fine. No reason to make the medics worry over it.
The head disciple makes a very interesting noise of disbelief when someone reports that some of his bones are actually swords, apparently. They are not sure what his guts are made of, but based on the sudden, alarmed sounding whispers it's probably nothing pleasant.
They let him take the robe off his head, but they have hastily covered all the surfaces where he might see his own reflection and some of them look decidedly green whenever they look at him directly, so he buries his face back in the soft fabric and lets his world narrow down to the scent of his Xiao Jiu.
He must have dozed off, because when he wakes up all the medics have left. It's only him in the garden and a tired looking Xiao Jiu. He sits up to show the other that he's aware and listening.
"Qi-ge, what have you done to yourself?" Xiao Jiu looks angry and hurt and all the things Yue Qi doesn't want him to be. "All these years. If only you had told me! Didn't I deserve to know?!"
Yue Qi hangs his head in shame. Opens his mouth, but swallows the well-worn 'sorry' down before it could escape from between his cracked teeth.
At long last Xiao Jiu sighs. Then slowly, bashfully, spreads his arms. "Aren't you going to comfort me? I'm giving you permission, just this once. Come down here and hug me, Qi-ge."
Joy surges through Yue Qi and he collapses into Xiao Jiu's arms before he can think twice about it and he's back, he's as human again as he will ever be, two arms, two legs and two eyes brimming with tears as he clutches his Xiao Jiu.
Xuan Su clatters to the ground and Xiao Jiu clutches him right back, long nails hooking into his back like they never want to let him go. "Don't you dare scare me like that ever again! Stupid Qi-ge."
Yue Qi can't promise the impossible, can't bear to lie to his Xiao Jiu. But he murmurs the promise that he will try his best into the silk of Xiao Jiu's robes and that has to be good enough for now.
"We will work on it, together," Xiao Jiu orders indulgently and Yue Qi doesn't remember the last time he was this happy.
For the first time since the caves he feels that maybe the boy and the beast are the same thing after all. They have to be, to hold the same love.
#svsss#yue qingyuan#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#tc writes#I'm tempted to write a companion to this from SQQ's PoV#because YQY is /aware/ that he's fucked up but half his brain is a spiritual sword atm so his awareness is uuuh#he's just happy that apparently he's still Yue Qi tbh#he doesn't stop being a half-dragon-half-sword abomination btw#he would need to get therapy for that to happen and we all know there's no therapy in papapa land#but as long as Shen Jiu wants him to be human shaped then he will be human shaped#and they will slowly work on that ptsd anyway
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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Sometimes if I’ve gotten done with a therapy appointment my dad will ask what we talked about and it’s like. Girl who do you think 🤨
#the klock keeps ticking#havent really done any therapy shit in a while cuz. yeah having a whole trust issues thing happening after bad experiences#but had to do a psychiatrist appointment today just cuz if i dont every once in a while i cant have meds#and yeah just makes me think how my dad has the audacity to ask that shit its like#first off even if we didnt talk about you like. why would you casually ask someone what they discussed in therapy alsjks#like this conversation can only be dark. unless he thinks idk my problems are just that stupid#also its like. personal? and every time ive been like uhhh dont ask me that i dont wanna talk about it he gets all pissy#saying that like i OWE him that information and he wants proof im trying to fix the things he deems as problems about me#which is stupid in every possible way like damn the entitlement#on the flip side my mom is really insecure shes like ‘i know youre probably talking about how much you hate me in there 😩’#liiiike. dude. get a grip#so insecure soooo insecure over the idea of looking like a bad parent but refusing to ever admit youre wrong or that your behavior is bad#so yeah obviously i need to keep these people as far away as possible with this shit
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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that#the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to ge#it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE#and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him#and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH#and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they#want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate#myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR#THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car#and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans#and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t#want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see#the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting#the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel#safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a#away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to#admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of#this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH#purrs#delete later#like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU
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I love being the only not-cis person in group therapy, btw. Love it. I tried to bring up how dysphoria is contributing to my difficulty with mood regulation and like, absolutely no one in that call understood wtf I was talking about, lol. That weird, pervasive gendering of Cluster B happened last session though, and it was viscerally uncomfortable on my end, but everyone else in the fuckin' Google Meets room or whatever just nodded in understanding like that shit was scientific fact. Like it got fully bioessentialist up in there for a minute. Cis people are so fuckin' weird.
#our t#TT.txt#I s2g there's this weird cis-person gendered power dynamic happening too.#Because- okay. There are two liscenced therapists leading this group but only one of them does all the presentations & the DBT#aspect of this shit. DBT group therapy kinda half runs like a course. We're takin' notes and everything.#But this fuckin' guy I swear to god. He whittles on and on and does this thing where someone else - who is a cis woman#important to keep in mind here - responds with a very real and emotional epiphany she's having in the moment as he's talking.#Which is like- I mean that's just kinda fantastic to be around. Those are the parts of this I stick around for. That feels like *progress*#And he'll like- I don't even know how to explain this. He agrees that what she's talking about is important but then he'll start rambling#about how what she JUST SAID usually IN TEARS isn't *fully* relevant to what he's talking about right now. Even when it very obviously is#I guess it's mansplaining?? I don't really understand the term mansplaining as a hard concept <- learning disability#But it definitely feels like smth related to mansplaining.#I dunno. I'm gonna continue this until the end bc I need these tools but goddamn I would ask to be reassigned if I had that guy alone#He just Presents[tm] it never actually feels like progress happens unless he's Presenting The Material. It's kinda weird to be around#And it's just like. My queerness is very obviously being carefully tiptoed around. And it's not like I'm not clocky y'know#Lets just say thank god I also go by they/them. Seems like its the ''most comfortable'' set for these people to use 🙄#Yes I am still judging them for that. Cis people need to rack up a good ally score before they can usually Officially use they/them on me#Only other queers get that for free. iykyk#We're at the point where both he/him & she/her confuse cis people so. Which feels great most of the time but on the other hand...#And I mean dear god if we bring up any neopronoun I think someone would have a confused meltdown#I'm a lil too close in age to some of these people's adult kids and they've got bad relationships with each other I ain't taking any#fuckin' chances.
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remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?
well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.
#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do#is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL#ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY#FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME#im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment#about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally#never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21#despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year#Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward#because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him#ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE#SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR#DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS#My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have#i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that#im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities#and like being happy is what matter#why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy#like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL#imo thats just abuse#like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that#i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them#but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her#hell i can barely take care of myself#but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way#its happened twice in the three days shes been here#just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up
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#it was all too much#you knew and you said the most perfect thing you could have said#but nothing ever happened#you got my hopes high when I was so so low#words didn't match actions#when I had the money to take myself away#I chose to stay with you#I could have given me a well needed timeout#sun and ocean therapy#but I wanted to share this experience WITH You#the thought of leaving for holidays without you crossed my mind but it felt so so wrong and was no option#you knew what I needed but everything was more important#why did you even talked about it?#giving someone high hopes who's barely alive and completely and utterly on their lowest and then not following through is just cruel#I waited and waited and waited for something that was never going to happen#it's painful knowing I had 'the last money' from my father and could have spent it visiting HIS FAVORITE COUNTRY#he would've totally approved he would have been proud#I will never forgive myself for that#I spent his last money during those months I waited for 'us' to DO SOMETHING#I literally didn't care what all I wanted was a tiny holiday and time out together - so we could get much needed distance peace and quiet#I stayed around because I thought we have to leave together so we could get closer again#I hoped for us get close again get that special one of a kind bond back while making new experiences and memories#just the two of us for once#and then you didn't look on your phone those days before new years eve you obviously didn't care at all if I wrote you or not#you didn't care if we would spend new years eve together#you didn't care about us starting together side by side in the new year#you didn't drove 5 to 10 minutes but had the decency of writing 'would love being on the tower together with you like last year right now'#the year started with a lie obviously you DIDN'T MEAN it otherwise everything would have been different#I can still not fully comprehend what happened few hours later you fucking broke my heart my trust our bond our relationship ALL IN ONE#you made me feel worthless (500 euro was worth breaking everything) you made me feel unloved and totally betrayed you gave a shit on my dad
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trauma fucking sucks
#literally can’t handle cleaning out my old text messages to free up storage space in my phone#because i keep having to scroll past conversations with my ex and his friends and his family and our friends that are now just his friends#and thinking about him is so awful it is so fucking painful#there’s this specific terrible squeezing heat that fills my chest when i see his name and it hurts#and i had to stop cleaning out my texts#i tried to push through it but i started to freak the absolute fuck out#i still feel extremely panicked#and now i can’t fucking back up my phone#because i have too much shit#that im too chickenshit to get rid of#i know i could delete all of those conversations between us and the people we shared#but somehow that feels incredibly dangerous#like i’d be getting rid of all my potential proof#we haven’t spoken in over a year. it’s been a year and a half since the breakup. why would i ever need proof? i don’t know#but i feel like it would totally unmoor me if i were to get rid of all of the evidence i have that i was the best i could be for him#and all the evidence i have that he was fucking horrible to me#he was fucking abusive#and it feels very unsafe to pretend that never happened and to not have something to show as proof#if i ever need proof#idk why i would#but if i did#anyway#this is something to discuss in therapy
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Whoever decided to ring her doorbell in the middle of a midnight thunderstorm was either a serial killer or a poor soul stuck out in the rain. Either way, she still felt sorry enough for whatever poor bastard was stuck outside and decided to open the door, but her expression dropped into annoyance when she saw the man leaning against the doorframe.
“Hey,” he murmurs, gazing at her. “Long time no see.” She starts to close the door and he sticks his foot in it. “Wait, please, don’t close me out.”
“Like you did to me,” she retorts, opening the door. “What do you want, Simon?”
He glances back towards the rainy street and hefts his rucksack higher on his shoulder. “To stay the night.”
“Seriously?”
“Please?” He begs and she pauses—Simon Riley wasn’t a man who begged often.
She gazes at him a moment longer before sighing and opening the door. “Clothes and shoes off at the door. Mask too. You’re soaking wet.”
“What gave you that ‘int? The rainstorm?”
Turning, she shoots him a glare. “I’m letting you stay the night despite you breaking my heart. I’d be a little less sarcastic.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, starting to strip his clothes as he shuts the door behind him. He hands her his clothes, standing in his boxers, then cups the front of himself and asks. “You wouldn’t happen to have any of my clothes shoved in the back of your closet…would you?”
“Bottom drawer in the chest of drawers.”
“You kept my clothes? Aw, you still car—” he falls silent when she glares at him. “Going now.”
As she disappears into the laundry room, she calls out, “What did you do, walk here from the base? You know Birmingham has cabbies, right?”
“I’m not wasting money to drive twenty minutes when I can walk within an hour.”
“You know you’ll get sick from this.”
“Wive’s tale. Can’t get sick from the rain.”
“Smart-ass,” she retorts, shoving his clothes in the dryer.
He comes around the corner, leaning against the doorway with a hand towel thrown over his shoulder, short blonde hair sticking up in all directions, evident he’d dried off with it.
“That is a decorative towel, not for use.” She glares at him. “You know that too.”
“You moved the other towels.”
“Oh, for god’s sake,” she mutters, then looks at him, eyes trailing down to where the sweatpants hung low on his hips. “Put a fucking shirt on, floozy.”
“I couldn’t find one,” he replies with a small smirk. “You must’ve used ‘em for fuel for the fireplace.”
She stands up straight and walks up to him. “Why are you here, Simon?” Her voice is quiet, calm, waiting.
He looks down at his feet, shifts his weight and murmurs, “Missed you.”
“You left me.”
“I know.”
“You start going to therapy yet?” She asks and he purses his lips.
“SAS doesn’t exactly offer therapy, y’know that, right? Not exactly ‘ow we operate.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “You know I asked that friend of yours, what was his name? Soap? He said that the SAS offers routine psychiatric care and therapy. He also happened to mention you conveniently manage to get out of it every single time.”
Simon lets out a grunt and pinches his brow. “Soap can’t mind ‘is own fuckin’ business.”
“He’s your friend. And he was also drunk.” She waves a hand. “Regardless, you haven’t done the one thing I told you that you would have to do if you wanted to come back—no, when you came crawling back.”
“I don’t need therapy. I just want a second chance.” He shifts to his full height, looks at her with a pleading look. “Things were good between us, love. You know they were.”
“Sure, when you weren’t shutting down when you were hurting emotionally or running off to God knows where when you had a mission and didn’t leave me a notice.”
Simon sighs. “I was protectin’ you. I didn’t wanna drag you into all the shit I ‘ave to deal with on a daily. I didn’t want you to have to put up with…all of…”
She gives him a hard look. “Simon Riley, what part of me gave you the notion that I ever need to be protected or sheltered from what you do?”
He swallows thickly and gazes into her eyes. “Love…you’re too pure for me. What I do…you don’t need to know the horrors I’ve committed. You’re…you’re too beautiful for such things.”
“You mean how you kill people with no emotion? How you’ve taken lives with your bare hands? How you shove so much of yourself down into the black hole until there’s no humanity left but ‘Ghost’, the hollow killer?”
Simon stares at her, throat bobbing as he replies, “I can’t drag you to hell with me, it would kill me, love. What if—”
“Do you know the moment I knew I was in love with you?” She interrupts and he falls silent. “I was sick that one day a year ago, bad sick. And you told me not to go into work, but I didn’t listen and when I came home early, I could barely walk straight.” She places a hand on her hip. “And you helped me into the bathroom. Ran a bath in the dark, lit a few candles and you bathed me. Washed my hair. Took care of me. You were so gentle and so loving. Like a priest tasked with cleaning his alter, you cleansed me and made me feel safe.”
He shifts uncomfortably but his body language is anything but repulsed; it’s soft. “You started cryin’ when I was washin’ your hair. Thought I got soap in your eyes. But you said you just felt so loved.” He smiles then. “You were like a kitten really. Could barely lift your head. So tired and weak.”
“Mhm. And then you tucked me into bed and crawled beneath the covers with me. Laid up beside me, never once acted sexual. Just…caring.” She looks at him. “Do you remember what I said to you before I went to sleep?”
“No,” he mutters but he looks up at the ceiling and she knows he’s lying, it’s his tell-tale sign.
She gives him the benefit of the doubt and closes the distance between them, lays her hands on his chest, and says, “I said, ‘This is the real man beneath all that coldness. The real Simon. The one I knew I loved more than anything. No matter what.’”
Simon shudders beneath her touch, feels weak in his knees like he might drop to his and worship at her feet, beg for forgiveness like a sinner in confession. His chest aches, tightening as the words tear violently at his chest, a reminder that he left one of the only good things to ever come into his life, all because he was too afraid to let the walls come down, too afraid to be vulnerable, too afraid to risk being hurt—because if she hurt him, he’d never come back from it. In the end, he’d felt like a fool trying to protect a damsel who never needed saving in the first place; and he was left with the realization that she’d been protecting him the entire time.
“I know what you do, Simon. I know it’s hard, even if you don’t think it is. I know that no matter how you push your humanity down into that hole that it’s still there. I know killing someone takes something from you every time but, Simon, I’m not your enemy. I love you.” Her eyes are calm, but her voice is firm. “And I will not stand on the outside of the lines under some guise of protection. You either be upfront and honest with me about everything or you leave, and you don’t come back.”
Simon knows she’s asking him to choose now, and he feels that creeping anxiety rise in his throat like bile until he manages, “Can…can we talk about everything in the morning?”
She sighs and pulls her hands away. “Yeah, I guess so. Sheets and blankets are in the hall closet. You know where the couch is.”
“You’re not going to let me sleep in the bed?” He sounds incredibly offended.
“Couch, Riley.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles, but he can’t help but smile when she sets the bedding out on the couch for him. “Goodnight, love,” he murmurs as she passes, and her shoulders tense and she waves a hand.
“Goodnight, Simon.”
He sits on the couch for a few moments, watches the rain splatter against the window, the clock ticking on the wall, before he pulls out his phone and simply types, “I love you,” and sends it.
It’s quiet for a solid ten seconds before he hears, “You absolute bastard!” From the bedroom followed by, “Get in here!”
Simon gives a victory dance as he clears his throat and attempts to look innocent as he steps into her bedroom; she glowers and points to the other side. “You’re on that side.”
“You can make me,” he retorts and crawls into the middle of the bed, groaning when all the bones in his body snap and pop.
She rolls her eyes and goes back to her book, but after a moment, she shifts against the headboard, getting comfortable again. Simon lifts his head, watches her, then he moves and lays his head in her lap, his arms wrapped around her hips under the pillows behind her. Her eyes rise to the wall in front of her and she stares unamusedly at it before she switches the book into her other hand and rests her right hand at the back of his neck, gently thumbing the juncture of his spine and skull. He groans beneath her touch, shifts himself so that she has control over moving him, body going slack when she scratches her nails into his scalp.
“You’re like a cat,” she mutters, feeling his lips turn up against her thigh.
“Meow,” he mimics, and she snorts, feeling him move until his head is pressed into her stomach, face turned so she can see the right profile.
He watches until she puts the book down on her nightstand and turns into him; they gaze at each other, and his eyes gently shut when she cups his face, thumbs brushing over his features.
“You know I’m giving you another chance, don’t you?”
Simon swallows the lump in his throat and nods. “…yeah.”
“But we’ve gotta change. Or else we’ll end up back where we were before we broke up.”
“I know.” He opens his eyes and looks at her. “I’ve missed you, love.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she murmurs, bending down to press her lips to his forehead. “Doesn’t feel the same without you haunting my apartment.”
His lips turn up in a smile as she pulls back and lays on the pillows; Simon rises and crawls up her body, his nose brushing hers as he whispers, “I’ll do better for you. I’ll change. I swear it.”
“Yeah?”
His gaze turns solemn in a way she’s never seen before as he replies, “On their grave, I will.”
She smiles softly at him, pulls him down so his face is tucked in her neck, and replies, “Get some sleep.”
“I love you,” he mutters against her warm skin, arms tucked safely around her, body weight comfortably on her. “I love you more than the world.”
“I love you,” she says back, reaching up to turn off the lamp on the nightstand.
#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader imagines#simon ghost riley x reader imagine#simon ghost riley imagines#simon ghost riley imagine#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x reader imagines#simon riley x reader imagine#simon riley imagines#simon riley imagine#simon riley#ghost x reader#ghost x reader imagines#ghost x reader imagine#ghost imagines#ghost imagine#ghost#cod imagines#cod imagine#cod#call of duty imagines#call of duty imagine#call of duty
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Dating Rafe would include… (realistically speaking)
Inspired by the fact I actually, after years of stalling decided to start watching OBX-currently just started S3-and we all love a psycho lol
Rafe it’s absolutely all or nothing, so for starters you had to catch his eye somehow
Mf couldn’t get you out of his head and wanted to know every single thing there was to know about you.
If you’re a Pogue his obsession went over the fucking top, like a guilty pleasure he couldn’t get enough of, but hid away because there was no way he could’ve been seen with a Pogue.
If you’re a Kook, he goes full cassanova, charming, smooth asf talker, he wants to absolutely woo you because he wants you to be his and to have everyone know that.
Deep fucking staring from across the room.
Touch starved, literally if he doesn’t have his hands on you somehow he can’t be at ease.
Lots and lots of love bites
Contrary to popular belief, Rafe would NEVER cheat, he wouldn’t be dating someone he isn’t obsessed with.
Can’t fucking stand men trying to hit on you, literally gets on fights almost every time you go out.
You can’t go out to parties without him, non negotiable.
Aggressive speaker, would throw a compliment within insults.
“I wouldn’t have to fight some fucking dickhead if you wouldn’t dress like that!”
Not even kidding Rafe Cameron is the CEO of lovebombing.
Stupid fights turn into literal yelling and him hitting the wall.
When he’s high it’s literally all lovely dovey and needy or aggressive as shit and throwing shit at you.
Screams in your face for the most part.
Immediately regrets it whenever he does it and apologizes like his life depends on it.
“Shit, baby… I’m so sorry, I- I swear i didn’t mean to”
Showers you with love afterwards.
MAKE UP SEX
Workships your body every time you’re in bed
“You’re so fucking beautiful…”
Man loves to get his face in between your legs and munch.
Is terrified of you leaving him and when you try to he humiliates himself for you to forgive him
Literally falls to his knees and clings onto your knees.
“Please, please… don’t leave me Y/N you’re all I have”
Would literally throw hands if something happens to you on a blink.
“Who was it?”
“Rafe, don’t-“
“Give me names”
Would kill for you
…but could also be likely to kill you too
Needs a lot of reassurance.
You’re practically his therapy and the only thing keeping him on a half decent mindset.
Asks you for help because you’re the only one to ever listen to him.
Promises you he will drop his drug addiction over and over again.
He wants to do better for you, just doesn’t know how to.
Ultimately, he does love you, but in the only way he understands love.
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#outerbanks rafe#rafe x you#rafe imagine#obx imagine#rafe smut#rafe cameron imagine#Rafe Cameron imagines#outer banks#outer banks rafe#obx x reader#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x pogue!reader
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you found out today that a phrase you have used before was coined by an abusive man. this felt like getting your teeth taken out. it made you sick and sad and tired, but not surprised.
bad people tell you to be careful when you talk badly of bad men, that it could "ruin" a life. you had your life ruined by a bad man, not that it ever matters to them. your real life having real consequences is not valued as highly as the potential of his future.
this has always been a frustrating little mathematics problem for you. you've missed school and had to call out sick at work and had panic attacks that lasted for weeks. it stole sleep and food and friends from you. you cried in public, fucked your relationships up. and the whole time: your present has never mattered so much as the great what if! of his future. like - one life (your life) is already ruined, should we really ruin two?
so you live with the consequences and he doesn't, and that's just like, something you need therapy for. you once discussed this with one of your friends over coffee. she chewed the wooden stirrer, looked off into the distance. "once i became a victim, everything that happens to me afterward is automatically less interesting in the eyes of the general public. it is always about him. he changed my identity. to survivor. to statistic. meanwhile this whole time - i am a person."
you learned in college that three out of five of your favorite artists and authors were actually abusive assholes. these days, you are no longer surprised. oh, is that what was happening behind closed doors? of course it was, he was a "genius," and she was just a girl. you are talking about him in art history, so obviously his career was absolutely ruined, for eternity. that's what happens, right? they strike your name from the record and refuse to remember you? nobody really knows her name, but hey. that's what you get for being close to celebrity.
you got into an argument about it, which was a bad argument, because it made you cry. he said what, you want us to just ignore all the things this man did because he made a few women uncomfortable? and you'd balled your fists up and choked on it. later, in bed, you agonized over the response you'd been trying to articulate but never found the right moment to deploy: you are ignoring what any person could do if they weren't being fucking abused. maybe her talents far exceeded his and she was just never allowed to fucking use them. maybe we only see genius in white men because they purposefully fucking squash and silence any other people with talent.
but you'd cried about it instead of saying that, because you are the cost. you are the talent and potential that he took. you used to be brave and smart and clever and unafraid. like a lich, he stole years of your life.
quiet on set made you sad and sick and tired, but not surprised. unfortunately, one of the things he said was true: an entire network of people allowed it to continue. this is not news to you, because you have seen entire networks of people make the same fucking excuses when the same thing or-worse happened to you. and your particular story isn't even in hollywood. it was just a guy. it was still difficult getting people to stand up for you.
you and your friend wait in line for your coffee. like a standup joke, one man turns to the other and says "can't wait for every bitch to come crawling out of the woodwork complaining about harassment. it's another metoo." and you think - oh, that's the network. your boss tucks her hair back and whispers that while your skirt is cute, you're giving the boys the wrong idea. that's the network. when you'd told your "friend" about what happened, she'd said oh you must have misunderstood, that would never happen. and that's the network.
you woke up this morning panting, because years later you still have panic attacks. oh, it's not a network, actually, it's a web. and you, little moth: are you still surprised you're caught in it?
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Prompt: Everyone knows that Tommy is a pushover for Buck's 🥺 eyes (it's a running joke for the 118/217), but when Tommy gets upset and is very quietly 🥺, Buck is shocked by how completely and utterly insane he goes to make Tommy feel better.
(bonus points if it's a completely dumb reason, like Tommy's run out of ice cream or something and it's just A Bad Day)
A little silly, a little serious, I hope you enjoy!
One of the many things Buck loved about his and Tommy's relationship is that he got to see a side of Tommy that no one else saw. He got to see many sides of Tommy that no one else saw, actually.
While everyone got a piece of calm, cool, and collected Thomas Kinard, Buck got all that and everything in between.
He saw him on his best days, his worst days, goofy days, sick days, horny days, tired days, all the days! He often thought of making a list of all the things people would be surprised to know about Tommy. He'd never share it, of course, but it'd be nice for him to have.
Like, how Tommy was ticklish only on his right side. And when he got tickled, he didn't do his normal laugh. Instead it was a high pitched giggle with a snort.
Or, how Tommy was super proud of the fact he knew every single word to We Didn't Start the Fire and he felt the need to sing it at the top of his lungs at least once a week.
How he loved human connection, but hated being touched by strangers. He'd hug a friend all night long if you needed it, but if he didn't know you please keep your hands to yourself.
How he liked tomatoes on cold sandwiches, but never on toasted ones.
How he loved when Buck would sit on the countertop and kiss him because it made him feel smaller, and he loved feeling small and protected in Evan's arms.
How his voice got deeper during sex. Whether he was inside Buck or Buck was inside him, his voice would always get all gravely and deep in a way that sent shivers down Buck's spine.
Maybe one of the biggest ones was how Tommy was not always the stoic, perfectly poised man as he presented himself to the world.
Tommy could get emotional. Emotional in a way that was usually reserved for movies written by men about women during their period.
Buck was thrown off by it the first time it happened. He almost thought it was a joke, until he saw the tears in Tommy's eyes as he mourned the fact he was out of whipped cream.
Then it was just heartbreaking.
It didn't happen often. A series of bad events throughout the day would build up in his body and brain until the smallest inconvenience caused him to fall apart.
They'd talked about it before. Tommy had grown up having to hold in his thoughts and feelings. They'd build and build until he'd do something erratic or harmful. Then he joined the army, and those emotions would build up the same way. Being in the army itself was a bit erratic and harmful, so he didn't have the best coping skills.
It wasn't until he started therapy, and his therapist helped him realize that he needed to let himself feel whatever he was feeling that he slowly and gradually became better at opening up.
However, there were still days where he felt the need to let everything build. Build and build until he burst. Except, now days, instead of becoming erratic or harmful, his eyes would well up and his lip would come out in a pout, and Buck would feel the need to move heaven and earth to make it all better.
Buck knew something was off as soon as he got home from work. Tommy was already there in the garage, half bent over his truck as he worked on the engine.
Buck let out a whistle. “What a view,” he teased.
Tommy glanced back at him, gave him a half smile before focusing back on his truck. “Hey, Baby. I ordered dinner. Should be in before it gets here.”
To anyone else, that might seem like a regular conversation. To Buck, it was the exact opposite. Normal Tommy would make some teasing comment right back, letting Buck know what he was seeing was just a preview of what was to come.
This... This was the start of an emotional night.
*****
Dinner was fairly quiet, with Buck leading most of the conversation. He knew not to ask questions yet. If he did it too soon, Tommy would completely shut down and it would take even longer to get any information out of him. As much as Buck hated it, this had to play out a certain way.
Luckily, he was fluent in Tommy.
It was a little after dinner, once Buck had settled in the living room, that it began.
“Evan?” Tommy called out from the kitchen.
“Yeah?”
“Is... Did you put my ice cream in a different spot?”
“No, it's-” Buck froze, thinking back to two nights ago. Jee had come over and wanted a treat. She ended up eating the last of Tommy's favorite birthday cake ice cream. He knew that, on a regular day, Tommy wouldn't care that it was gone.
He also knew today wasn't a regular day.
“I think it's all gone, Babe,” he said cautiously as he got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen.
“Oh. Okay.”
He wasn't angry. He never got angry over little things like that.
He was sad. Resigned to the fact he would not be getting any of his favorite ice cream tonight.
Buck often felt like it'd be a lot easier if he just got angry.
He made it into the kitchen just as Tommy closed the freezer door. His face downcast, he glanced up at Buck through his eyelashes, eyes wide and wet. His bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly before he turned away from Buck and headed for the pantry.
“I'll have cookies instead,” he said with a sniff.
Buck got out his phone and pressed a few buttons before stuffing it back into his pocket and walking over to Tommy.
“Honey, why don't we just go sit down for a minute?”
“I just...” His shoulders sagged. “I really don't want cookies.”
Gently, Buck placed his hands on Tommy's back, nudging him until he could lead him toward the living room. “Why don't we go sit on the couch, okay?”
Tommy simply nodded, but Buck could see him lift a hand to his face and wipe a tear off his cheek.
The thing was, Buck knew he could be a handful sometimes. He was bratty, pouty, stubborn, and jealous. And Tommy accepted all of that. Not just accepted it, loved it. He loved every part of Buck, even the parts Buck didn't love himself.
Buck also knew Tommy would do anything for him. Would drop whatever he was doing and run to Buck's side the second he got a call. Would wait on him hand and foot. He spoiled Buck rotten, and everyone knew it.
There weren't as many opportunities for Buck to reciprocate that level of love and support. But when these days came along, that what's Buck's time to shine. He hated to see Tommy like this, but loved that he could be there for him. Loved that he could help him through it. So that's what he did.
They got situated, Buck leaning against the arm rest with his legs sprawled out on the couch. He pulled Tommy down so his back rested against Buck's chest. Buck wrapped his arms around him, hands meeting just over his heart. Tommy's hands drifted up and latched onto Buck's, holding tight.
“Why don't you tell me about work?” Buck asked, pressing a kiss to the top of Tommy's head. Things had been fine before they left for work the previous morning, so something had to have happened during their shift.
“I only had two calls.”
“And?”
“And the first one was a drunk driver. It was noon, Evan. Noon.”
“Casualties?”
Tommy shook his head. “No, but a young girl got hit. Spinal injury. She probably won't walk again.”
Now Buck had a starting point.
“After that?”
Tommy's body tensed so Buck squeezed him tighter. “The new probie, Jenkins, did something stupid and pissed me off.”
“What'd he do?”
“Doesn't matter.”
“If it pissed you off, it matters.”
“He's one of those religious types that carries pamphlets in their pockets,” Tommy explained. “I guess he overheard me talking about you- about us- a few weeks ago so he gifted me a pamphlet today.”
Buck knew where this was going. “You're kidding me?”
“I wish. It was some Adam and Eve crap, not even original. It reminded me of my dad. He... He used to say things like that. Anyway, I threw the pamphlet away without reading it.”
“Good for you.”
Tommy shifted slightly, tangling his and Buck's legs together. “The only thing that kept running through my mind was how we watched a little girl's life change forever, she will never walk again, and all Jenkins was thinking about was turning me straight.”
Buck brought a hand to Tommy's hair, carefully running his fingers through it. “I'm sorry, Tommy.”
“My aunt texted me too. Wanted me to come to the next family reunion.”
“Are you gonna go?”
“I told her I'd have a plus one and she... she said she doesn't wanna hear my dad complain for an entire weekend. I was quickly uninvited.”
Buck took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I- If you wanna go-”
“There's not a single part of me that wants to be there, especially without you. I'm good.”
“If you're sure.”
“I'm sure.”
“What about your truck?” Buck asked. “You were working on it when I got home.”
“Oh. That.” Tommy rolled his eyes. “That was the icing on the cake. Engine light came on in the middle of my drive home. I think I fixed the problem for now, but I'm gonna need a new engine soon. Everything just fell apart today, Evan, I- sorry.”
“You don't need to be sorry.” Just then the doorbell rang and Buck gave Tommy a pat on the shoulder. “You do need to get the door though. It's for you.”
Tommy sat up, eyebrows furrowing at Buck before he got up and headed for the door.
About thirty seconds later, he was back with a paper bag in hand. His eyes were soft and tear-filled, but not with sadness this time. “You ordered my ice cream?”
Buck nodded, giving him a smile. “Of course I did.”
Tommy set the bag down and walked over to Buck, kneeling beside the couch and resting his head on Evan's lap. He wrapped his arms around Evan's waist the best he could, his face pressed against Evan's stomach. “I love you so much.”
After a few seconds, Buck stroked his thumb over Tommy's cheek. “Come here,” he said softly, pulling him up for a chaste kiss. “I love you too.”
#bucktommy#911#tommy kinard#evan buckley#my number one rule: if you can't figure out how to end a story- end with 'i love you' 😂#this would have been longer but im tired and emotional myself#thanks for reading! remember to VOTE!
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Ateez as Dads-
collab with loren @eightmakesonebraincell who shares the same single braincell as me bc we know we're not the only ones obsessed with the recent ateez x children content
(disclaimer: i don't like babies. but the idea of ateez handling babies? adorable. loren, however, loves kids so here's the outcome)
Hongjoong
"hold this thing, i don't know what to do with it."
"that's your child, hongjoong."
looks like the frightened hamster meme when the baby starts crying out of nowhere
sometimes sleeps through the baby crying its lungs out at night LMAO but that's only when he's exhausted asf
bet he'll write a song or two about fatherhood too and you'll be like 'what would you know about it you slept through the night'
may be uncomfortable at times but when he starts bonding, you'll see it in his actions
like when he reforms cute little things like clothings or shoes for his baby, adding little dangly things to the crib
or when he makes cute accessories for the baby
matching reformed things omg
super stylish matching parent-kid duo
the bonding literally happens with the smallest moment like one day the baby is crying in his arms and tugs at his shirt with its little fist and he's done for he loves his kid 10000x more all of a sudden
and when the baby calms down immediately after coming into his arms? he'll die of happiness
and when the baby recognises him in a group of people??? new level of dad unlocked
literally melts whenever the kid runs across the room to fly into his arms or calls him daddy
paints the room for his kid and gives them a wall in their room to paint whatever they like
lets the kid paint his nails and they could even have that one matching painted fingernail omg
later when the kid grows up they'll have uv lights and like the latest stuff for nails but you bet hongjoong's gonna dry that nail paint by blowing on it-
literally the most supportive, allowing the kid to explore beyond conventional boundaries and guiding them along
also very attentive esp when they start growing up and observing
he'll make sure he answers all of their curious little questions to the best of their understanding
and surprisingly, he won't mind his kid in his studio
like how adorable is it when you find your kid in his lap, sharing earphones as he composes?
he just loves it when they sit on him or when they lie down next to him/on top of him when he's resting that's his therapy
Seonghwa
more of a mother than the real mother
knows exactly what to do like he's raised six kids already (i'm looking at you ateez)
wakes up at ass o clock in the morning to shush the crying baby so you can get some sleep :')
mother-coded that's what he is
you'll definitely be learning motherhood from him LMAO
but jokes aside he's actually the best partner you could have asked for in such a situation
he's so so patient with the kid and you
esp you
he understands when you're overwhelmed and when you need a break
so he's always willing to give you some space and takes care of the kid in the meanwhile which is so :')
so you try your best to return it to him in every way as well <3
you'll both be figuring this journey out together and that's the best part
bonds with the kid so good
esp when they start going to school and he literally can't wait for them to get home so he can hear about how their day was
lives for the gossip he gets from his kids about school too LOL
he'll be like yass give me the tea come on
also pretty much behaves like a kid when he's having a good time with his kids
like he goes 'no it's my turn to select the ice cream flavour you have to try this you'll love it i'm not hearing a no-'
kids teach him new slangs but you bet he'll stick to the good old 'no cap' and 'yeet'
gets matching stupid stuff like those green alien glasses for him and the kid-
you just know your kids will love him more than you and you accept it. you don't mind that at all bc he's such a lovable person
he'll always be running around the house with them trying to catch them or letting them catch him
they will watch animated movies together and draw together and make legos together they're gonna share that obsession
he's there. always. in every moment of their life :')
Yunho
curious to learn
but that doesn't stop him from playing with the baby like they're a toy boi has no fear
he's always gushing over how small and cute and adorable they are
he'll also be a bit scared at first to hold the baby in his arms but will get used to it real quick
loves feeding them and cleaning them with you
he's got some sort of magic to him too he can soothe a crying baby in seconds
plays with them/holds them like they're a cat/puppy
gives them rides on his shoulders and they love it you can hear their laughter ring around the house
teases you about how they look nothing like you but if they do look like you more, he'll be scanning them for one similarity that he can boast about.
"he's got my smile. see?"
loves playing with their hair and combing and styling it
also loves it when you all match unintentionally when going out
the type to play with the kids in the most unconventional ways when you're not looking
almost accidentally drops the baby at least once a week- i said ALMOST okay he's good at catching.
kids cling on to his long legs and he effortlessly walks like no big deal omgg
would even swing his legs like an amusement ride which might possibly earn a scream from you-
also once used the laundry basket as a rollercoaster for the kid. you can imagine how that ended. no living beings were harmed tho-
HE'S A FUN DAD OK
literally his kids are always running around him asking him to do sth fun with them or tell them jokes or play with him
teaches the kids the latest trends
makes dancing tik toks with them
he's actually also the super responsible dad, always dependable. you literally have nothing to worry about esp bc he can be serious when he needs to be
he allows the kids to take challenges, believing the kids need to grow at their own pace and that getting hurt is also a part of growing up
teaches them to be kind, to respect people, to always smile
goes on dates with them to the amusement parks, aquariums, carnivals etc and when they're older they go fishing or go-karting
Yeosang
(sincerely apologise for using a photo with alcohol in a post with babies BUT DOES HE NOT LOOK BABY HERE???)
the babiest of dads
googles whatever the baby does as if that will give him the answer
notices every little thing the baby does
follows instructions like a robot
forgets that the baby is actually a baby and they can't really do their stuff themselves so he has to do it for them-
like for example after a meal he clears the high chair and forgets he needs to help the baby off the chair until it wails LOL
is always worrying about what the baby is feeling esp when it is crying without a reason
always fusses about the little things bc he cares so much :')
sometimes you have to sit him down and tell him that it's okay if the baby is crying-
he even enjoys simply watching the baby esp when they do stupid stuff or play around with food
"that's disgusting but so adorable"
gets taught the latest trends by his kid but still ends up using them in the wrong contexts lmao
yeosang and the kid wailing about the mom on their way home until yeo takes the wrong turn and the kid glares at him and points to the right direction
yeosang and the kid in the shopping mall and yeosang gets lost
goes to the counter to pay but taps his pockets bc he can't find his wallet and the kid sighs loudly and hands it to him
yeosang taking his kid to the parent teacher meeting and he forgets HE'S the parent
he may be forgetful and zone out at times but he's actually very responsible. you never worry whenever you leave your kid with him and go out. you can depend on him <3
you'll see him mature as his kids grow up too, like you can literally see him learning fatherhood
doesn't mean they won't open dexter's laboratory when you're gone and clean up the mess before you come-
sees cute posts about lunchboxes with octopus sausage and seaweed characters on the rice but canNOT replicate it even after spending hours but the kids flaunt it like a masterpiece at their school <3 (loren you're so right for this)
his kids' friends WILL have a crush on yeosang. the teachers might too. how could you not??
his kids gon be the prettiest istg-
San
i'm sorry to break it to you but you'll have to take care of two babies <3
as loren said 'normal children learn behaviours from their parents. san learns behaviours from the baby.'
pretends to cry when the baby is crying so he can also receive hugs and kisses from you
he's actually the most responsive father ever, like he'll know what's actually happening with the kid instead of pretending to know
it's like he's connected to them on an astral level
so he's pretty much a natural caretaker
like he said, he knows how to give love
so he'll never make you feel less loved as well
he'll keep reassuring you how imp you are to him esp now that you're the mother of his child and he'll always be grateful to you for bringing this blessing into his life
but he also has his moments LMAO like i can just imagine him playing with the kid in the most babiest of manners
to the point the kid refuses to listen to you
the kids will always ALWAYS choose him whenever they're asked the 'who do you love more mom or dad' question
and even though that makes you pissed momentarily bc pls who wouldn't get pissed you find it super adorable how much your kids love their dad
safe place.
tells his kids early on what's good and what's bad. no compromises
teaches them when to be sorry and when to stand up for themselves
taekwondo together <3 he'll make them show off at family events or stuff and demand that the audience give good reactions otherwise he's gonna pout sooo hard
he'll make sure his kids don't laze around. chores? yes. exercise? yes. nap-time? necessary. homework? don't even dare to say no. play-time? HELL YES
teaches traditional games to his kids too and makes them interact with other kids to play instead of video games so early on
the video games are HIS okay they can't touch it until they grow up
kids go to him for help in school work and he'll sit there all zoned out wondering when the hell this got included in their syllabus
will refuse to give up until you catch him tired and scratching his head in confusion
"i'm pretty sure education gets tougher every year."
"whatever helps you sleep at nights san <3" LOL
loves spending time together, all of you, anywhere as long as you all are together <3
Mingi
9/10 times will cry when the baby cries
but also really good at taking care of them and it amazes him too
calms the baby down with the cutest most concerned face ever so he looks more baby than the baby
pretends to sleep when the baby wakes up crying in the middle of the night
until you poke his stomach and go 'don't you fucking dare' and he starts laughing helplessly
but then takes the reins and lets you sleep if you look too done <3
jokingly tries to gaslight you into thinking it's your turn to settle the baby but you bet you're keeping tabs too
but when he sees how tired you look, he'll never ever complain no matter how tired he may be himself. will even tuck YOU into bed
the type to sit in the lounge with some kid's show on with the kid itself and you give him snacks to feed the kid
but at some point he got a taste and now he's looking at the packaging and going 'this shit good' when it's actually some baby-friendly snack 😭
and then suddenly it's all gone and the kid is glaring at mingi with angry eyes 😭😭 and he's like pleasure is temporary my child-
but now he has his own fav baby snacks too.
does freestyle rapping about the misery of fatherhood LMAO
also does lame stuff like tapping on the baby's shoulder and when they turn to look at him he has his finger out so it pokes the baby's cheek like-
gets matching shades for him and the kid
hangs out with them a lot, even if it's inside
hears every story they have to tell but also they just looooveee to hear stories from him bc he's a good storyteller
even though half of the shit is made up but he pretends it actually happened-
"one time i saw your mom ugly crying in a shop. i asked her what the matter was. she saw me and fell in love instantly."
"wasn't it the other way?"
loves swinging his kids in his arms whenever he comes home and then you stand there all pouty and he runs after you-
can't scold kids to save himself. can never. always bursts out laughing whenever he glares at them. so you do that for him.
now you're the antagonist in the house
can't handle when his kids are being adorable like he'll just clutch his heart and pretend to faint
best father-kid dynamic bc he's the playful but responsible dad
Wooyoung
he's a natural at this come on
"i feel like he's more my sibling than my own child"
always has his baby in his arms to the point you have to snatch it from him bc you can see he's tired
takes care of everything- from bathing them to feeding them. he's so good at it too
you love him even more bc he may tease you to bits but you never thought he'd be a cooperative lovable menace too
talks to the baby in baby language and they actually hold conversations
and when you join he'll just make fun of you LOL
starts treating you like a baby too when you're tired and you're not sure you hate that you might actually start doing it on purpose too-
taught the kid the art to charm people so they're throwing random cheeky compliments around
like they'll go to a shop and the kid will compliment the shopkeeper and they'll be like omg so precious and hand freebies
and those freebies would be wooyoung's earnings btw aint no way the kid gon have those
will train a family of cutest loveable menaces :')
the chef dad
creates masterpiece lunchboxes for his kids that even the teachers are tempted to steal
i can just imagine the girl friend (also crush) of wooyoung's son at school having a big fat crush on wooyoung and wanting to marry him like come on😭😭
then the son gets super grumpy about it and woo sits him down and asks what's bothering him
then he'll teach him how to bake cookies and the son ends up sweeping the girl off her feet omgg
woo placing his hands over his kid's hands bc they're too small to properly hold the piping bag when they decorate cakes and cookies and cupcakes
them playing in the kitchen and throwing flour on each other and you come and look all smugly at woo bc yes you're gonna clean this mess later on
but you end up joining them :')
dolls up his kids and asks them to kiss him on both his cheeks before they leave
and you bet the kids love that routine
hugs. all the time. hugs.
makes sure to capture these moments for memories if you haven't already and he'll love looking back at these days <3
Jongho
best dad
makes sure he doesn't forget to take care of you as you take care of the baby :')
always gets surprised when the baby does sth new
priceless reactions from him, esp when the baby first says a comprehensible word or takes its first steps
always spreading his arms whenever he spots the baby so the baby can crawl/walk/run to him
swings them in the air and does those little throws
the strong dad. the one who's carrying the kids effortlessly- one on the shoulder, one under the arm, walking as if they weigh nothing
jongho's kid: hi i'm hungry
jongho: hi hungry, i'm dad
overuses every dumb dad joke ever to exist but still finds it super hilarious and sometimes you'll end up laughing along
"back in my days-"
"ah shit here we go again."
bc you know dad jokes aside he's actually a super funny guy when he wants to be
the type to team up with his kid to tease YOU
whispers shit in their ears like 'go pull out your mom's hairclip as revenge for her not letting us hang out in the snow with ice cream last night' when you're super occupied and gets a good laugh out of it
taps your shoulder and then looks away when you glare at him but ends up pointing at the kid like the kid's the one who did it-
when the two are a giggling mess it's hard to differentiate who's the actual kid from the parent
sings with his kids a lot. might vocally train them a bit too
road trips are gonna be so much more fun when everyone's singing at the top of their lungs
when his kid is older and starts to get school assignments that require some form of art like creating a model or designing a poster, his kid is definitely going to score an A because jongho can and WILL help and end up over-achieving LOL
will plan with his kids on days like valentine's or mother's day or anniversary, prepare to get serenaded by the lot
he involves them a lot in everything so they grow up super smart
loves doing stupid things with the kids too like he'll literally be the one following the kids at times
but you love it bc you never have to worry about anything with him ;-; <3 he's also super protective
unless there's a bug in front of you. then you're all on your own.
#in my delulu era#ateez x reader#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez reactions#ateez fluff#ateez headcanons#ateez drabbles#seonghwa x reader#hongjoong x reader#yunho x reader#yeosang x reader#san x reader#choi san x reader#mingi x reader#wooyoung x reader#jongho x reader#seonghwa fluff#hongjoong imagines#hongjoong scenarios#hongjoong fluff#wooyoung imagines#yunho fluff#yunho imagines#yeosang imagines#yeosang fluff#san imagines#choi san fluff#wooyoung fluff#jongho imagines
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Hi Neil.
I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.
First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.
So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…
Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)
Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.
Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.
(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)
I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.
But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.
I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.
But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.
I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.
It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.
I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.
My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”
But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.
In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.
Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”
As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.
I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…
The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.
So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.
People always say “it’s never too late.”
One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”
I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”
It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.
Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”
But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.
Whew.
So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.
And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.
Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.
Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)
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Hazbin Hotel - Lucifer Lactation Kink Headcanons
THIS WAS supposed to be part of a part 2 to the Lucifer Niche Kinks post. But not only did it get wayyyy too long; but I realized that I probably should add an educational section because people know nothing about breastfeeding. SO. I broke it off into its own thing.
Contents/WARNINGS: AFAB reader but gender neutral pronouns are used; all the kinky shit obviously; DISCUSSION OF PREGNANCY, BREASTFEEDING, AND CHILDREARING WEE WOO; honestly stay away from this one if you aint into having babies or that kind of talk; discussion of Lilith and Lucifer's past relationship; Im gonna drag Lucifer to therapy by his ankles (18+), MDNI, NSFW below the cut ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
Educational Section ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
Im just going to throw all this breastfeeding info here in a big info dump so I can actually get into the headcanons and yall can know what Im talking about.
The first couple days after birth are critical for establishing proper milk production. Basically, even if the baby is perfect and drinks your milk (which is rare but thats not what we are talking about), you NEED to make sure your breasts are completely emptied of milk and stimulate them even past that.
This is super important because its what tells your body 'hey, make more milk for babay'
Im just gonna straight up say it: breast pumps fucking suck. Everyone complains about how uncomfortable they are, if they arent straight up painful; they are super inefficient at getting all the milk out of your breasts so they can easily leave you engorged or mess up your milk production; and some women cant even use them because they dont fit their boob shape properly or they cant relax enough when using them.
What do I mean when I say the lady cant relax enough? You have to be completely relaxed for the milk to come out. This is the biggest reason women have trouble breastfeeding. Well, that and the completely empty breasts thing messing up their milk production.
So what is the alternative? Hand expressing! Basically human milking; only not worded so bluntly/terribly. This is much better for milk production because it allows you to actually get all the milk out.
The problem is, its alot more work and time consuming then a pump. Not to mention you have to be taught the proper way to hand express. So if you dont have any of these resources, your pumping.
To make it even worse, alot of women cant relax enough when they try to hand express themselves, so they HAVE to have another person do it (most husbands are COWARDS and aren't willing to do it so, oops back to pump I guess). Or they are the opposite and have to do it themselves.
Fun fact: before pumps, women had to go to their fricken DOCTORS to have themselves milked because their own husbands wouldn't do it. Cause they COWARDS.
ANYWAY. Now that you got a background in how breastfeeding works, remember; breastfeeding is hard work actually and thank god for formula because so many babies would die without it.
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Actual Headcanons ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
Its all so natural. Lucifer loves and adores every single change happening to your body during pregnancy. The stretch marks, the weight, watching his child grow inside you. Its all just... *mwuah* So perfect to him.
Lucifer gets so dreadfully giddy when your breasts begin to swell and grow heavy late into your pregnancy. He knows it means your so close to actually being a mommy.
Honestly the best husband you could possibly have. As soon as your baby is born, Lucifer is right there to help you with anything you could possibly need. Anything.
He knows how exhausted mentally and physically you are; so Lucifer offers to hand express your milk for you after feedings. Your body just went through so much, so just let him handle that!
This is when you first notice just how... bothered he gets. Lucifer almost seems to go into a trance. His half-lidded eyes glaze over while he pants through his open mouth.
He tries so hard to keep himself under control; but he cant help but let out tiny gasps, moans, or whimpers when he feels the life giving liquid seep between his fingers.
You cannot even begin to say how thankful you are for your husband's experience however. Its a load off your shoulders. Lucifer's hands and fingers skillfully work to encourage as much milk out of your breasts as he possibly can.
However, as soon as he is done, Lucifer has to quickly excuse himself; nearly running out the door hoping you didn't notice how fucking hard he is. Or that if you did, that he didn't gross you out at the very least.
After a couple days, once your home, rested up, and Lucifer has gotten your milk production expertly established; he will try to show you how to hand express yourself. But you quickly shut that down and tell Lucifer that you would prefer if he kept doing it for you.
Lucifer is a flustered mess at the proposition but cant really argue against it. Hand expression is much easier when another person does it, not to mention exponentially faster. Its also great bonding time for the two of you. Even if Lucifer enjoys the activity a little too much...
However, neither of you have the courage to address just how much he likes it.
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Lucifer was clingy and protective during your pregnancy. But now its amped up significantly. Since the baby was born, Lucifer has been attached to you at the hip; permanently at your beck and call. Always ready to help you in anyway you might need.
Lilith was much more... independent, to put it nicely. Their marriage was already on the rocks when Charlie was born. So Lilith was determined to do everything herself and often shooed Lucifer away when he tried to help.
The fact that your not only letting Lucifer help you with your child, but actively including him in everything? Lucifer didn't think it was possible to love you more then he did. He is not going to miss a second of the child's life you have blessed him with, and so graciously included him in.
But this quickly proves to be a double edged sword. Not only does Lucifer get to dote on you and your child, but Lucifer also gets a front row seat to you and your... maternal body. And God does it do things to him.
People talk about a 'pregnancy glow,' and yeah, you were gorgeous then. But if that was glowing, you are completely radiant now. Lucifer always feels in awe of you and your post-birth body. He loves tracing your stretch marks, with his eyes, fingers, and tongue.
He also loves the extra 'baby weight' you've kept. Its literally more of you to love. You've gotten embarrassed several times because Lucifer will grab at your thighs and lovehandles while telling you how "fucking hard" you make him.
Oddly enough, you haven't heard him comment on the changes in your breasts. Not once.
Thats because Lucifer feels so guilty. He feels so guilty every time he sees how full and swollen your gorgeous breasts are. He feels guilty when he sees them leaking after feedings. The milk soaking through the front of your bra and exposing your hardened nipples.
Lucifer feels guilty about how hard he gets. Every single time. His cock already twitching in his pants just from watching you. Lucifer always ends up having to excuse himself so he can rush off and jack himself off as quickly as possible.
He is so fucking embarrassed by it too. This is parenthood; having kids; having a family. Its all so natural. Especially breastfeeding.
So why is his body perverting it so much?? Lucifer already bred you; got you pregnant. Why is his body demanding even more now that you've had his child??
God, he can't think of any other time he has had to masturbate this much.
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It takes a couple months. Months of constantly vacillating between states of sexual torture and marital bliss for Lucifer. It takes a couple months before you decided to finally test the waters; testing how turned on your husband is really getting.
"Th-there. I-I think that's all of it..." Lucifer stuttered out absentmindedly. Although Lucifer said he had gotten all your milk out, his hands remained firmly grasping your breasts. You couldn't help but look at him with a quizzical tilt to your head. This was new.
Lucifer was always quick to excuse himself; practically running out the door. He was always so fast at fleeing, that he never saw how much you smirked and laughed at him. Its not like his hard on was subtle. Even if he wasn't literally moaning in your face.
This was new. Lucifer didn't run away this time. It was as if he was completely frozen while he straddled your lap in your shared bed. The only real movement from him was the rise and fall of his shoulders from how hard he was breathing.
Lucifer only finally pulls his hands away when you force him to; so you can gently set the bottles you had used to collect your milk onto the nightstand. When you turn back to look at your husband, he is in a complete trance.
Lucifer's head is hanging slightly in shame even as his eyes remain glued to your chest. Rough, but even huffs are steadily leaving his mouth; as if he lost control of his breathing and is trying to get it back. His hands are practically white knuckling at his own thighs; your a little worried in the back of your mind that his claws might rips through his pantleg.
"Lucifer?" Your gentle voice breaks Lucifer out of his daze. His half lidded eyes pull away from your hard, wet nipples to meet your eyes. "I don't think you actually got it all, Sweetie. Why don't you try using your mouth?"
Lucifer's eyes blow wide at the mere suggestion; his pupils dilating like a predator. You swear you hear him whimper. His whole body starts trembling as his eyes dart between your heated gaze and your leaking breast. Silently asking if it was really okay.
You simply smile at him, your hands softly trailing up his thigh and giving his hands a reassuring squeeze. Lucifer licks his lips in a mixture of nervousness and barely restrained lust as he brings shaky hands up to grip at your chest.
Then its as if something in Lucifer snaps; suddenly he is diving right in and latching himself onto you.
It happens so fast. Lucifer's whining, moaning mouth sucking and licking at you furiously. Trying to get every last sweet drop out of you that he can. Every drop of your milk that enters his mouth is like a shockwave of pure electricity up Lucifer's spine.
Even in his almost rabid state, Lucifer remains ever mindful of his teeth. You can't help but whimper every time you feel them graze your hard nipples.
All this while Lucifer's hips are rutting against you in a blind frenzy. You aren't even sure Lucifer is aware he is doing it; that he is practically trying to fuck your thigh into submission. Or if he is so pent up and focused on your tits, that his hips are now acting with a mind of their own.
Lucifer releases your breast from his mouth with a wet -pop- as he squeezes his eyes shut and cries out obscenely. You can feel how hard he cums; completely soaking through the front of his pants and dampening your own.
Lucifer collapses into you; completely limp. For a moment, you thought he might have passed out. But then you hear him humming happily while he nuzzles deeper in-between your breasts.
You gently hold him closer, one of your hands carding through his soft hair as Lucifer takes a moment to recover. You swear you hear him mindlessly babbling praises into your chest. Praises of how much of a "good mommy" you are.
Lucifer drags himself up to look at you with hazy, lovedrunk eyes; breathing heavily and wearing that dorky grin you love so much. Some of your milk had escaped his frenzy, dripping down his chin and smearing along his jaw.
"Do you, uh... Need me to do your other breast too...?"
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AN: If nothing else; I hope this teaches you something about the trials of breastfeeding. Women need more education on what happens to their bodies before, during, and after childbirth.
Don't be that reddit guy who thinks girls make milk whenever they are horny.
FURTHER READING ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
Unfortunately, the OG poster deactivated. But you can find a archive of another Lucifer with a lactation kink post >>HERE<<
#that reddit post lives in my head rent free#yOu DiDnT MiLk fOr mE YoU dOnT LoVe mEE#i now declare myself the weird kink blog#*anoints self with Burger King crown*#or the sexucation blog#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#hazbin lucifer smut#hazbin lucifer morningstar#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer morningstar smut#lucifer morningstar smut#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer headcanons#lucifer morningstar x you#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#lucifer magne#hazbin lucifer x reader#hazbin lucifer x you#lucifer magne smut#lucifer hazbin smut#lucifer hazbin#lucifer hazbin x reader#lucifer hazbin x you#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin x reader#hazbin hotel smut
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