#he would idolize obi wan. want to **** anakin. and have a crush on padme. that’s my official ruling

[jedi-enthusiast]

Debunking the "The Jedi are Evil" Theory Made by The Film Theorists PT 8

Point 8 - Revisiting the Same Argument I Covered in Part 3

Matthew quote:

"The story of Anakin's recruitment also illustrates a larger point about how troubling the recruitment tactics of the Jedi really are. Aside from the obvious problems of taking very young kids and signing them up for decades-long obligations it'll be very difficult for them to opt out of in the future."

We're ignoring this part because I already covered this in part 3.

Matthew quote, continued:

"They're even dishonest in the way that they signed these kids up in the first place!"

...oh boy, I can't wait to hear this.

---

Matthew quote, continued:

"Going back that example of Anakin; when Qui-Gon is deciding whether or not to take him on as a recruit, one of the things he needs to do is collect a blood sample so they can measure his midichlorian count."

He then goes on to explain all of the red tape you have to go through in the real world in order to get a child's blood sample, then continues on:

"So does Qui-Gon ask his mom for a sample? Does he explain what he's doing to Anakin? Does he even sterelize the needle? Let's watch-" [cut to a clip in TPM of Qui-Gon telling Anakin he's testing his blood for infections] "-that's it. No permission slip, not even verbal consent, and on top of all of it he lies about the purpose of the test in the first place."

Firstly, taking a step back from in-universe talk for a second, obviously Qui-Gon doesn't sterilize the needle or start outlining HIPPA laws before he takes Anakin's blood. It's a movie, they're on a limited time table, they're not gonna waste a couple precious minutes that could be used for something else to do all that.

Now, back to the in-universe talk-

Shmi is the one that is pushing for Anakin to be brought to the Jedi Order and obviously Qui-Gon's gonna need to know a few things before he can just up and take Anakin to the Temple, so it wouldn't be a stretch to say that her consent was implied.

Anakin also doesn't fight or seem at all distressed or unwilling to have a blood sample be taken, so it would be a stretch to say that his consent was implied as well (especially considering that, when I get my blood taken, I'm never asked for my consent--I generally just cooperate and the phlebotomist takes my blood, and that's in a professional setting).

But that's not really how consent works, so I'll give Matthew that one. No, Qui-Gon doesn't ask for consent from anyone before taking Anakin's blood.

But I will defend him not telling Anakin why he's taking the blood, because Anakin clearly idolizes the Jedi and wants to be one--if Qui-Gon had told him that he was testing to see if he was Force-sensitive, Anakin would have gotten his hopes up. Which, if it turned out that he wasn't Force-sensitive, would have crushed him--so is it that much of a stretch to say that Qui-Gon wanted to wait to say anything just in case?

---

Matthew quote, continued:

"I guess you could try to argue that Anakin is literally living in slavery and so he and his mother are probably desperate to get out of the situation and maybe that makes it better, but no! You are so wrong! In fact, the idea that Qui-Gon is preying on people who have no rights and no way to advocate for themselves makes it that much worse!"

Again, Shmi is the one pushing for Anakin to be brought to the Order, not Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon isn't "preying" on anyone.

They ended up on Tatooine by accident, Shmi is the one that decided to take them in, and--once again--Shmi is the one that kept saying Qui-Gon needed to take Anakin back to the Temple with him!

It's not like Qui-Gon specifically sought out this poor family with the intention of inducting Anakin into the Order--all of it happened by complete accident while Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Padme were trying to save Naboo from being invaded!

And again, the Jedi are extremely empathetic and they're just plain good people. If Shmi had said "you're not taking him to the Temple, leave him alone," then Qui-Gon would have listened!

The Jedi aren't the Sith, nor are they the Empire, stop assigning them traits that they don't fucking have!

---

Matthew quote, continued:

"You can even make a case that the Jedi barely think of their recruits as human! As even the venerable old Obi-Wan Kenobi, everyone's favorite Jedi, describes Anakin like this-" [cut to clip of Padawan Obi-Wan saying they've picked up another pathetic lifeform]

So...the entire Order obviously doesn't think of their recruits as human or people...because of one comment made by Obi-Wan who, in this case, seems to be pretty aggravated at their situation and is probably just snarking to blow off steam.

Yeah that holds up. /sarcasm

[backhurtyy]

would steve love obi wan kenobi

kind hearted man with a warm smile who looks out for kids and takes them under his wing and makes sure they have all the tools they need to succeed and be happy and healthy and safe??? oh yeah. he’d LOVE him.

[gabriel4sam]

Small Obidala drabble, post Revenge of the Sith

Anakin believed in the sanctity of marriage. Anakin believed in a love, powerful and undying and strong enough to ignite a star. The simple idea of sex as something fun would have appealed him and for a time, Padme let his ideas of love and lovemaking override what she had believed before him.  

Anakin was a liar and a murderer and Padme was an idiot to let the wave of what he pretended to be love swept her up. By the Stars, he had confessed genocide and infanticide to her even before their first kiss.

Never again Padme will let feelings override her brain, her dignity and her principles.

She learnt that lesson the hard way and lost almost everything for it. Her parents believe her dead, democracy was lost to flames and she isn’t naïve enough to think refusing Anakin, or sending him to therapy, would really have failed a centuries old Sith plan for galaxy-wide domination, but she realizes in hindsight she didn’t help.

Not like she should have.

Now, Padme refuses to let her terrible mistakes govern her life. She will raise from the sand which hide them and Anakin Skywalker will be very sorry of it.

But later.

She won’t live for revenge. She will live for her children, beautiful and beloved and the children of Ben’s mind and love, much more than the children of Anakin’s rage. She will live for everything she still has to experience and to learn and to laugh about. She will live to see her parents again. She will live to see Naboo again and to hug her handmaiden and to crush the Empire under her heel.

She won’t live for revenge, but she could fuck Obi-Wan Kenobi for revenge. For revenge, for pleasure, for intimacy, for the simple joy of a body against hers.

One day, they will make love, she knows it. She can see their intimacy growing every day, she can see their friendship deepening, their endless debates tightening their minds closer….

One day, she will love him.

For now, she rides him on the bench outside their home, three of her fingers stuffing his mouth, despite the fact that the kids are sleeping at the Lar’s farm. She loves how he melt for her, how he takes orders.

“Just like that,” she whispers, ��Continue just like that,” and Obi-Wan whines behind his teeth, struggling to keep the rhythm, to not come. She has already come once and between the sweat and her wetness, they are disgusting, animals. She loves it. This isn’t the lies of Anakin’s love, honeyed and poisonous. This is pleasure between two people, not a pseudo worshipper and the woman he put on a pedestal, an idol, not a person.

Padme puts her other hand on Obi-Wan’s throat and he doesn’t struggle, let her do it and whines so beautifully for her when she tightens her grip. Just sex and they will explore kinks as much as they want, they won’t believe it a betrayal of some sort of idiotic and unrealistic romance for the ages. She tightens a little more and he goes off, losing his battle and coming inside her and Padme takes her fingers out to bite his lips in a savage kiss.

She won’t live for revenge but pleasure and revenge can taste quite sweet.

[goddessofroyalty]

Law enforcement AU with Star Wars?

1 - Padme is a Senator (or at least local representative), who is married to Cop Anakin. It’s not secret after a little but at first it is because they start dating during an investigation Anakin is leading into something relating to Padme where, if they reveled their relationship all his work would be basically thrown out for conflict-of-interest and neither of them would allow that. However they decided to keep it secret a bit longer to not arose any suspicion… 5 years later they’re still faking it but then Padme gets pregnant and oops “we’re sorry we hid that from you” reveal happens.

2 - Qui Gon died in the line of duty in a human + drug trafficking case that involved Anakin and his mother thus setting up Anakin to idolize the police and want to become one.

3 - Obi Wan was Qui Gon’s junior partner during that case and feels responsible for his death. Ten(ish) years later he gets assigned a junior partner of his own: Anakin.

4 - Palpatine is a corrupt judge who manipulated the drug/human trafficking situation in order to get Padme into office so she would vote for him to gain his judicial position. This all comes to a head the month before the twins are born where there’s a massive investigation into him.

5 - Obi Wan keeps taking deep-cover missions where he nobody hears anything from him for months/years at a time and spend the whole time worrying he’s dead somewhere. He does it less now he’s partnered with Anakin but he’ll still do it every now and then.

6 - Luke and Leia want to follow their parents footsteps into the police force (Luke), and politics (Leia). Shame they both have a GIANT crush on drug-runner/petty crook Han.

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

[gffa]

(i hope it's okay to send you random ass questions! you always give really intersting and thoughtful answers so it's difficult not to :D) i've always seen anakin's and obi-wan's padawan-master relationship as anakin idolizing the person who's taking him in (somewhat similar to what would happen if someone lived with their childhood celebrity crush) and then growing up to emancipate himself, see obi-wan as a human being, being given space to become more independent, until they grow to see each

other as equals. i'm wondering if it's just my shippy ass speaking though because anakin does say that obi-wan is the closest he has to a father, and obi-wan calls him a brother. i always disregard these instances because anakin sounds like he's trying to deliberately rile up obi in the first one to me (something in his tone, i think?) and my queer ass feels like "you were my brother" was only added to "no homo" the "i loved you". but i'm really curious about how other people read theirrelationship pre-clone wars. do you think anakin as a child viewed obi-wan as a father figure? (or, horrible thought, sheev?) is it, like, canon compliant to just ignore the dialogue i mentioned above? idk i think the tl;dr here is that i don't really think much about their master-padawan relationship because i ship them in tcw era but it's at the back of my mind and i'm interested in how you view it?i think i mentioned my ass at least twice in my ask and i want to apologize

It is always okay to send me random ass questions!  And to mention your ass as many times as you want!  Especially if you’re going to say such kind things, you’re very sweet to do so.  ♥It took me awhile to put into words a lot of what I felt with their dynamic for a long time, why it didn’t ping the father/son parallels to me in ways other ships did, despite that I could see why others felt that way.  If someone feels like that’s their dynamic, I absolutely get it and I will happily talk to them about the characters on that level only, god knows I’ve had pairings that fall strictly into that category myself.Anakin does say, at two different points, that Obi-Wan was like a father to him--in Attack of the Clones and during the unfinished TCW episodes.  And it took me a long while to realize why it just never quite clicked for me, but it’s largely because both times Obi-Wan doesn’t really respond to that and their dynamic never really reflects that in any way we see.  They never act like father and son with each other, even as a Master and Padawan, they’re much more of a team who complement each other, they each learn from each other, they each give and take.  The very first thing we learn about Obi-Wan and Anakin’s dynamic in AOTC is that Obi-Wan is rescued by Anakin just as often as we can imagine a Master would rescue their Padawan.  (”I haven't felt you this tense... since we fell into that nest of gundarks.” "You fell into that nightmare, Master, and I rescued you, remember?”)During Revenge of the Sith, Obi-Wan says, “You were my brother!” which, lol, that’s never really struck me as being strictly familial, like brothers-in-arms are absolutely a thing and are often very shippy/subtexty.So, you have those three moments of (questionable) framing as a familial thing, which, hey, fair enough!  But it’s also weighed against a mountain of the two of them actually ACTING like an old married couple.  The beginning of Revenge of the Sith is like thirty minutes of pure banter on the way to Grievous’ flagship and once they’re onboard it just keeps going.  (”No loose wire jokes.” “Did I say anything?” “He's trying.” “I didn't say anything!”)(”This time we will do it together.” “I was about to say that.”)  Mixed in with a whole lot of, “Leave him!”  “His fate will be the same as ours!”You also have it weighed against things like Nick Gillard specifically choreographing their fight like a boyfriend/girlfriend fight where Obi-Wan doesn’t want to hurt Anakin, doesn’t want to have this fight.  You have it weighed against that scene were Obi-Wan tells Anakin he’s proud of him and the look on Anakin’s face has no straight explanation that has ever satisfied me.You have it weighed against the ROTS novel--that George line-edited himself!--that says, “Blade-to-blade, they were identical. After thousands of hours in lightsaber sparring, they knew each other better than brothers, more intimately than lovers; they were complementary halves of a single warrior.“And all of that is before we get into some of the supplementary canon stuff because we’ll be here all day if I start quoting Wild Space again.So much of their relationship isn’t textually explicitly about being romantic, but it sure is framed in a way that’s very easy (and sometimes difficult not to!) put in that frame to contrast it at the very least, to still be defined by that framework. “More intimately than lovers” (or the infamous “Obi-Wan woke up staring at what he was pretty sure was Anakin’s butt” scene in the ROTS novel again) may play at contrasting against the idea, but it’s also still framing their relationship in romantic terms, even as it does so.  It’s hard not to think of them as romantic when you’re specifically using the term “lovers” to describe them, no matter what direction you take the metaphor in.Even during the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic, when we see them interacting for more than five seconds at a time while Anakin is young, Obi-Wan is pretty clearly not his father, he rather directly refutes that point when asked.  He is Anakin’s teacher and every line he says or doesn’t respond to reflect that.  Anakin tries to put it into that context sometimes--and my headcanon is basically, “Why does he do that when their relationship doesn’t actually feel at all like a father/son one to me?  OH FUCK YOU FOR PROBABLY PUTTING THE IDEA IN HIS HEAD, PALPATINE.”  Because he would know that Anakin wants that figure--but is obviously not getting it if he’s coming to Palpatine, yet another indication that, no, Obi-Wan/Anakin doesn’t really work like that--and so would drive a wedge between him and Obi-Wan over it.But really what got me into going from “Ehhh, I don’t ship that at all.” when I started out (I know!  I was fairly against the idea of shipping them when I really dove deep into Star Wars about two years ago!) to “Oh, wow, okay, that is super shippy and NOW I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS.” is that we got to see their relationship go from teacher/student to peers while watching The Clone Wars. We see them regularly banter like an old married couple, we see them each depending on the other in a way that’s about two people who are on an even field, we see that their dynamic isn’t left behind as they both move forward, but instead continues to grow.They’re given such narrative importance and emotional weight and, sure, a lot of it comes down to personal interpretation of chemistry--some people are going to see their banter as subtexty, some people are going to see it as familial, both are right for the person doing the interpreting--but a lot of the framing devices and the very consistent lack of actually giving weight to the father/son thing in my eyes means that I can very easily ship them and those lines don’t bother me.  They don’t hold much weight and even the characters themselves barely seem to think in those terms, it doesn’t really bear out for me.Personally, I don’t really ship them much pre-TCW, but I definitely think Anakin had some Certain Feelings as a teenager that Obi-Wan very firmly shut down at the time and so Anakin just kind of sat on them and buried them and it rather explains a lot of why he’s so willing to believe that Obi-Wan and Padme would have an affair behind his back despite that they hardly interact at all--because Anakin wants them both, because Anakin sees them both in a romantic light, OF COURSE they would see each other in a romantic light, too!  This is backed up for me by bb!Anakin in the comic not really looking at him like a father figure, but like you said, a celebrity crush, that sense of OH MY GOD HE’S THE BEST is positively star-struck.I think you can ignore the dialogue about father figures if you want, but that you don’t really need to.  I think it’s Anakin parroting someone else’s words (as he does throughout Revenge of the Sith, there are at least four major points where he’s just literally repeating Palpatine almost word for word) in a way that doesn’t hold water when it comes to how they actually interact.  You can tell me all day long that they’re just father and son figures, but when there’s so little in the actual dynamic between them that speaks to me of that, it’s not going to mean much to me.  But there is a whole lot of them behaving like how my favorite Old Married Couples act and so, yeah, I’m going to head in that direction instead!

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2008) Part Two

Wow, I just want to say that 2008 really stepped it up when it came to comic movies released. Granted, a couple weren’t the best but overall this year was one of the best out of the bunch. The Dark Knight and Hellboy II: The Golden Army are the only sequels this year, while The Punisher: War Zone and The Incredible Hulk serve as reboots. Star Wars: The Clone Wars serves as a prequel and we also see the debut of Iron Man, Speed Racer, The Spirit and Wanted! Lets start off our largest list yet! Here’s #60-41!

*SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

60. Tom Manning (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"God, I hate Youtube!"

Tom is back as the director of the department Hellboy works for, and he still tries miserably to keep it secret. This, of course, doesn't work out when you got a group consisting of a hellspawn, an aquatic man, and a girl who can blow up entire blocks. He tries to maintain order by adding Krauss to the group but in the end they all end up quitting on him, leaving him with no more agents to help stop otherworldly creatures.

59. Jabba the Hutt and T3-70 (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"You will be executed immediately."

The only thing Jabba the Hutt seems to care about is his newborn son. When he's kidnapped, Jabba doesn't know who to trust. He gets played by Count Dooku into thinking the Jedi were the ones responsible and had, in fact, killed his son and were now going to kill him. But in the end Ahsoka, Anakin and Padme are able to return his son to him and reveal that it was his uncle who helped Count Dooku with his plan. Grateful, he agrees to sign a treaty with the Republic. T3-70 is the robot who does all of his translating.

58. Mr. Wink (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

*growls*

Mr. Wink was a giant troll-like creature that seemed to be Prince Nuada's personal bodyguard, even though the prince is more than capable of defending himself. He helps Nuada gain control of the first two crown pieces by attacking a bunch of humans and then helping Nuada kill his father and his royal guard. When he goes out by himself to get the last crown piece from Nuala, he ends up going up against Hellboy, himself. And, well, Hellboy doesn't lose so Mr. Wink ends up getting crushed in some type of grinder thing.

57. Christine Everhart (Iron Man)

"That's a great line coming from the guy selling the sticks."

I couldn't decide on whether or not I liked Christine. Like it's clear she's very passionate about her job but I couldn't tell if it's because she truly didn't approve of what Stark Industries represented or because Tony slept with her once and moved on. And then there was her unnecessary bitchiness towards Pepper the morning after, but Pepper handled her very well like the boss she is.

56. Spritle Racer, Sparky, and Chim Chim (Speed Racer)

"Go, Speed, go!"

I get these three were supposed to bring the humor to the movie, but they annoyed me the most...except for the monkey. Sparky is Speed's best friend and mechanic who can't fight to save his life. Like he literally loses every fight he's in during the movie. Spirtle is Speed's little brother who always disobeys what he's told and gets in all kinds of mischief with his pet monkey, Chim Chim. I will give him props for giving Mr. Royalton the middle finger, I was definitely not expecting that to happen.

55. Agent Coulson (Iron Man)

"Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D."

Agent Coulson stays in the background the entire movie not really explaining what it is his department does. He does prove his worth when Pepper discovers Obadiah's betrayal and sends his men after him, but it's too late and Obadiah takes them down in his Iron Monger suit.

54. Morgenstern (The Spirit)

"No, sir. We're just equipped."

The enthusiastic rookie cop who idolizes The Spirit, Morgenstern proves that her detective skills are on point as she helps The Spirit figure out what Octopus is up to. She also has great aim with a badass gun that she shows up with during the final conflict. She's the first one to do real damage to the Octopus, blasting off one of his hands. Her admiring The Spirit could be because she's crushing on him like every other girl in the film, but she's one of the few he doesn't get his lips on.

53. Samuel Sterns (The Incredible Hulk)

"Why are you always hitting people?"

This quirky professor turns out to be the Mr. Blue that's been in communication with Bruce while he was in isolation. Yes, he was able to make a temporary cure that may have helped Bruce control his anger, and therefore his Hulk persona, but he was starting to show me red flags early on. Any scientist with a hunger to gain glory for a discovery is potentially dangerous in superhero films because they're willing to put people at risk to get their break through. It's proven when he creates more samples of Bruce's blood without his consent and then helps Emil become Abomination. The last we see him, Bruce's blood manages to get inside a wound on his head and he starts to mutate as well.

52. Billy Russotti/Jigsaw & James Russotti/Looney Bin Jim (Punisher: War Zone)

"Would you also like to swear on an imaginary friend?"

These two really pinned the tail on the donkey when it comes to obnoxious brothers in the mob. They both try to appear really menacing but it just came off as comical for me. Like Looney Bin Jim throwing himself at every mirror he sees was one of the dumbest things I think I saw throughout the movie. Still, the two are able to cause some serious mayhem killing cops, crooks, and Castle's allies alike. In the end they're taken down fairly easily by the Punisher, Jim gets a bullet in the head and Jigsaw gets roasted.

51. Captain Rex (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"In my book, experience outranks everything."

Rex is a clone in charge of the clone armies. He appears to be the most capable out of all the clones as he's the one that's seen working closely with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. He leads his men to help them in every mission they are given and mostly succeeds with his assistance.

50. Raza (Iron Man)

"Tony Stark has created the ultimate weapon: a masterpiece of death."

The leader of the terrorist group, Ten Rings, Raza is hired by Obadiah to kill Tony Stark. Instead he kidnaps the millionaire genius and tries to force him to create weapons for his faction. He ends up getting half his face burned when Tony escapes and then gets paralyzed when he confronts Obadiah about it. It's left unknown if he lives or dies but I like to think Obadiah's men took care of him.

49. Lau, Sal Maroni, Chechen, and Gambol (The Dark Knight)

"Enough from the clown!"

Maroni, Chechen, and Gambol are the crime lords of Gotham and Lau is their criminal accountant who handles all their money. For months Batman has been clearing the streets of their business to the point that they get desperate enough to hire The Joker, except for Gambol. He's the first crime lord to go down after he tries to put a bounty on the clown, who shows up and kills him himself. Lau and Chechen go down next. After Lau gets caught by Batman, he rats out everyone which puts a target on his back. Joker captures him for Chechen but when the crime lord refuses to serve the Joker, the clown has him taken away to be fed to his own dogs, just after setting Lau on fire on top of millions of dollars. Sal Maroni gets roughed up by everyone else. He gets his legs broken by Batman and then gets taken down by Two Face when the former lawyer kills his driver.

48. Taejo Togokahn (Speed Racer)

"I'll see you at Fuji."

A rookie racer who we first see almost get his hand eaten by a bunch of piranhas. He teams up with Speed and Racer X to help him win the Casa Cristo 5000 in exchange for his proof of Mr. Royalton's corruption. However, he goes back on his word, deciding instead to profit with his father on the money Mr. Royalton gives them when he buys their company.

47. Yoda (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"To let go of his pupil, a greater challenge it will be."

Yoda and Obi-Wan somehow came up with a plan to give Anakin a young jedi to train. As one of the strongest jedi, Yoda is constantly leading Republic armies to help battle the forces of Count Dooku and the Separatists.

46. The Gunsmith, The Repairman, and The Butcher (Wanted)

"Fuck that! You are a pussy!"

These three assassins help shape Wesley into the assassin he's meant to be. The Gunsmith is there to help him curve a bullet, The Repairman beats the shit out of him so he loses his bad habits from his normal life, and The Butcher shows him everything about knives. It was nice to see they actually cared about each other during The Executioner's death before Wesley killed The Repairman and The Butcher. The Gunsmith was taken out by Fox after he tried to ignore the code.

45. Count Dooku (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"I sense your strong feelings. Pain, fear..."

Count Dooku is back as one of our main villains and he ends up developing a plan to gain the Hutts as allies for the Separatists. To do so, he stages the jedi kidnapping Jubba the Hutt's son and convinces the ruler that the Republic is trying to kill him. His plans fail when Anakin and Ahsoka return the newborn but he manages to put a lot of doubt into Anakin before he flees.

44. Eustace Dolan (The Spirit)

"You watch what you say about cops!"

Commissioner of Central City, Eustace is the only one to know Denny came back to life before he resurfaced as The Spirit. They agreed Denny could serve as the perfect spy to help bring down The Octopus under a persona with no attachments. Of course, the no attachments rule becomes a problem when The Spirit starts dating Eustace's daughter and when Denny starts doing things on his own without the help of the police department. But even though he's annoyed, Eustace still backs The Spirit up and even puts six bullets into the Octopus's head during the final gunfight.

43. The Exterminator (Wanted)

"A thousand..."

Wesley's first friend in the Fraternity and kinda his only friend. The Exterminator usually keeps Wesley company as he heals in the healing chambers. His special talent is feeding rats explosive peanut butter and then detonating them, which ends up helping Wesley in the end. He's accidentally killed by Wesley, who mistakes him for Cross.

42. Trixie (Speed Racer)

"Cool beans."

You know a girl is loyal when she punches another girl in the face for talking shit about her boy, even when she's never even talked to said boy. And you know a boy is in love when he, a race driving protege, crashes because he can't take his eyes off her. That's the relationship between Trixie and Speed and Trixie shows that she's one of the most supportive people in Speed's adult career. She also flies a really stylish helicopter that she uses to help Speed and his teammate when they're racing and when it's time to rough it up with some thugs, Trixie's there to karate chop everyone in her path.

41. Johann Krauss (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"Suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!"

With Meyers gone, the group was in need of a fourth member, at least according to Tom Manning. In comes Johann Krauss, a man who's ectoplasm is trapped inside a robot. He's very much all about the rules when he first starts leading the team, quickly getting on Hellboy's nerves. One of my favorite moments is Hellboy smashing his glass head during their confrontation. In the end though Johann ends up bonding with the team so much, he also quits after they defeat the Golden Army.

[darthstitch]

Join me in AU Territory for a few minutes, okay?

a.  So Obi Wan Kenobi basically ends up going, “NOPE. FUCK THIS NOISE.” and decides to raise baby Luke Skywalker himself.

(He’s not a true Jedi anymore; not when he can see all the mistakes he’s made with Anakin in full, excruciating detail.  Not when those closely held values of detachment and denial of emotions have led to fire and death and grief and...

No.  He will not turn.  He might not be a perfect Jedi, but he won’t turn to the Dark Side.)

b.  So he loves Luke with all his heart and baby Luke is basically the teeniest, most adorable ball of sunshine and light and his smiles are a balm on Obi Wan’s broken heart.

c.  Also.  Obi-Wan joins the Rebellion. Because hope doesn’t just lie in Jedi and the Light Side of the Force.   Hope lies in the people who are willing to live and die for their freedom, who are there to resist the Empire and its lies.

d.  Eventually, Obi-Wan finds Rex and Ahsoka and of course, that means baby Luke has more family members who will love him.  Maybe he’s not growing up as royalty the way Leia is, but he is equally treasured and precious to Uncle Rex and Aunt ‘Soka.

(Except Luke calls her Snips - just out of the blue - even though Obi Wan has never told him about this nickname and he doesn’t understand why Aunt ‘Soka suddenly catches him up in her arms and holds him tight tight tight.  He thinks he’s made her sad but Aunt ‘Soka tells him she can be his Aunt Snips and thus, Aunt Snips she became.)

e.  Obi Wan does not want to put the burden of stopping Vader on Luke’s shoulders.  It is monstrously unfair and neither Luke nor Leia should be burdened with the task of repairing their father’s mistakes.  This was Obi-Wan’s failure and it is his job to make it right.

f.  Vader chases after Obi-Wan’s ghost in various Rebel skirmishes - Jedi who mysteriously disappear and escape his finest soldiers,. Imperial shipyards being sabotaged, the best scientists of the Empire making successful defections.  He is always just one step behind, just one moment too late.  Vader’s rage knows no bounds.

(Vader never sees or hears about the child in Obi-Wan’s care.  His heart has already been buried in the royal tombs of Naboo, where Padme Amidala lies in her forever sleep.)

g.  There is a holo of little Luke and little Jyn Erso playing together.  Jyn has not smiled in months as her father and mother have desperately tried to flee the Empire, so that they would not be forced to keep working on its latest monstrosity.  It is Luke who has made her laugh again for the first time as they ran and chased each other.

h.  Luke’s first friend, first crush and his idol is the dashing Cassian Andor.

i.  Obi Wan finds healing and a new outlook/philosophy on the Force when he becomes friends with Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus.  He and Luke make the pilgrimage to the Holy City of Jeddah and while Luke is too young to understand, the ruins of its ancient temple make the child “feel good.”  For Obi-Wan, it is a peace he’s not felt in years. 

j.  Some things are still meant to happen.  Obi-Wan and Vader clash over the years but each duel is inconclusive and both men walk away alive.  It takes years for the Rebel Alliance to gain steam.  Galen Erso still falls into the hands of the Empire.  The pilot Bodhi Rook still defects to the Rebels.  Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor still lead a desperate group to Shariff to retrieve the Death Star plans.

k.  The difference is that Luke Skywalker defies his somewhat overprotective Uncle Ben, having stolen a ship to Shariff to rescue all of his friends.  They barely make it off planet as the Death Star blows up its Imperial base, but Luke’s gotten to be a very good pilot and will spend his downtime happily chatting away with Bodhi Rook.    

l.  Baze spends a few minutes yelling at Chirrut for having the “suicidal tendencies of an Alderaanian lemmingray” before kissing him stupid and it is the first good laugh that Rogue One has, even as they are all safe and sound and alive.

m.  Luke grins even though he knows he’s in deep trouble with Uncle Ben.  There is a transmission from him - Darth Vader is now in hot pursuit of those lost plans and he is chasing after the Tantive IV.  They will all rendezvous with Princess Leia on Tatooine. 

It begins.  A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...