#he would have been a true girldad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pedrospatch · 2 years ago

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loved her first

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: It's been two and a half years since you and Joel left your baby daughter in Bill and Frank's care; when a surprise thunderstorm strands the two of you in Lincoln for the night, you unexpectedly witness Joel bond with her.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. hints at Frank's deteriorating health condition, he is not bound to a wheelchair quite yet; glimpses of girldad!Joel, babygirl name reveal, angst, mention of Sarah. time jump to 2023, takes place a few months prior to Ellie coming into their lives.

word count 5.5k

A/N: um...this turned out to be more angsty than planned.

April, 2023

You watched her as she twirled around in front of the flower bushes, a small smile tugging lightly at the corners of your mouth.

Frank had mentioned before that she absolutely adored flowers; he’d also told you about how she loved being outdoors and how she would gladly, happily, abandon all of her dolls and other toys in exchange for frolicking outside. You’d had a difficult time believing him on that, but there you were, sitting just a few feet away, witnessing first hand with your very own eyes that it was actually true. She seemed to be having the time of her life spinning around and around in front of the array of colorful roses, petunias, and begonias that Bill and Frank had planted around the house right after the winter season had come and gone. It was so incredibly innocent, so endearingly pure, a beautiful sight that you already knew you would be constantly replaying on a loop in your memory for the rest of your life—memories of her were all you had. It wasn’t enough for you, though, not even fucking close; the memories of your daughter you took home were what kept you from losing your sanity, but they were nothing compared to what you actually wanted, which was to be her mother.

Because you were her mother.

You held back a small sigh, your gaze still locked on every part of her.

She wore the sweetest, springtime dress that surely must have come from the boutique—light sky blue with an intricate eyelet embroidery, a sash made from the same exact fabric tied around her waist into an adorably perfect bow at the back of it. A pair of darling, strappy white ballet flats adorned her tiny feet, and although Frank had put her into a soft, knitted white cardigan to help keep her warm against a sudden and unexpected chilly afternoon breeze that swept through the town, the child had sneakily shrugged herself out of it when she noticed he wasn’t paying attention. Noticing the dark, gloomy clouds that began to slowly but surely make their way over the neighborhood, you stood up from the table and walked over to the spot on the front lawn, right beside the porch, where she had discarded her cardigan.

Picking it up, you lightly dusted it off and made sure it was clean. You then called out to her, gently. “Hey.” You smiled as she stopped in her tracks mid-spin, looking over at you with curiosity. You beckoned her over with your hand. “Come here, sweet girl.”

She skipped over to you, and you instinctively lowered yourself to her eye level as you spoke to her.

“The sun is gone.” You pointed up towards the skies. “That means it’s time for you to put this on so you don’t get cold. Okay?”

She wrinkled her little nose, but agreed, “Okay.” She held her arms up and out to you, as if to tell you to put it on for her.

You helped her back into it, though you left it unbuttoned so as not to cover up her pretty dress. “There we go. Don’t take it off again, okay? At least not while we’re outside.” You noticed a slight look of mischief cross her features and playfully pointed your index finger at her. “I am being so serious, young lady. Promise me that you won’t take it off?”

“I won’t,” she swore. Though she spoke fairly clearly now, she still had hints of toddler pronunciation; she could enunciate several words but she was still learning to properly talk. “Promise I won’t take it off.”

You reached out, briefly touching her soft cheek. “That’s a good girl,” You murmured, letting your thumb sweet across her satin skin. Every single part of you longed for even more contact with her, you yearned with every fucking fiber in your entire being to take her into your arms and hold her close; however, there was a very fine line that was not to be crossed, much less when Bill and Frank were sitting just a few feet away. You gave her cheek a light, teasing pinch and finally found it in you to withdraw your hand away from her face.

She grinned at you and a deep, prominent dimple appeared in her left cheek. You’d first noticed it during your visit on her first birthday.

There had always been something new for you to notice during each visit; a new tooth, an additional inch to her height, the way her face was no longer as round and pudgy as it had been when she was an infant. This time around, it was her hair that had caught your attention. It fell in long, dark brown waves to just about the middle of her back.

Her voice broke into your train of thought. “Can I go play now?”

You nodded and rose to your feet. “Of course, sweet girl. Just be very careful, alright?”

“I will.” She bobbed her head up and down at you and then went right back to her twirling, letting out an adorable giggle at the way the skirt of her dress swayed along with her movement.

You made your way back over to the table and took your seat. Picking up your glass of red wine, you took a quick sip before glancing over at Frank and remarking, “Her hair’s gotten really long.” You took another sip and then set your glass down, abandoning it in favor of the white pearl that hung from the silver chain around your neck. Holding it gingerly in your hand, you thought back to the day Joel had given it to you a little over two years ago. Presenting you with your daughter’s birthstone to carry with you had to have been one of the most loving, incredible things that he’d ever done for you. It was your most prized and cherished possession and although he didn’t like you wearing it outside of the apartment, it’d been a year since the last time you had taken it off. Anyone who tried to jump you for it would get a blade lodged into their skull. “Has she had her first haircut yet?”

“Nope. She refuses to let me anywhere near her with a pair of shears. As soon as she sees them in my hand, she runs,” Frank explained. He offered you a small, fatigued smile. He’d briefly mentioned to you the night before he hadn’t been feeling all too well over the last few days, but he still insisted that you and Joel still make the trip to Lincoln for lunch. “She calls it her princess hair—she said she wants to grow it as long as Rapunzel’s.”

You hummed. “Long hair suits her,” You told him after a minute. “Doesn’t it, Joel?”

You were met with no response and turned to glance at Joel.

He sat beside you at the table, sipping silently on his glass of wine; he hadn’t seemed to have heard you, and for once, it wasn’t because the hearing in his right ear was failing him. Joel hadn’t heard you because he was too distracted. His eyes were fixed intently on the toddler, and even when you reached out and touched his arm in an attempt to get his attention, his gaze remained latched onto her. He looked on with a mixture of different, conflicting emotions—of them all, it was sadness that took center stage. Joel often tried to keep his own feelings under wraps, for your sake, more than anything. He was your partner and he was your protector, he was your shoulder to lean on and the glue that, despite the circumstances, held everything together somehow.

He kept it all from crumbling down. For you, always for you.

You appreciated Joel trying to hold strong for you, but you wished he wouldn’t, not when you knew he was hurting too—hurting over Sarah and hurting over the daughter that was right there in front of him, but whose life he was missing out on. She was growing quickly, changing so fucking much each and every time he saw her, and he could hardly stand that he wasn’t around to witness it. Glimpses of her and her life were all that you and Joel were given, and you know that killed him as much as it killed you.

“Gracie!” Bill said her name in a scolding tone. He’d been sitting in his chair with his back to her, but he knew exactly what she was up to; he had developed something of a sixth sense when it came to her. “You just had lunch, you’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t cut that out! You’d better come and sit your little butt down right now or it’s a timeout for you, missy!”

She stopped for a second, smirked at his back, and then continued to twirl around.

Joel snorted into his wine, amused by her rebelliousness.

“Honey, come on. Be good and listen to daddy.” Frank glanced tiredly over his shoulder. “You don’t want to make yourself dizzy, do you?”

Gracie stopped and let out a teeny, frustrated huff; just seconds later, a white butterfly garnered her attention and she took off across the front lawn, chasing after it.

“Jesus,” Joel muttered, shaking his head. He set his wine glass down on the table and leaned back into his chair. “Does she ever get tired? I’m exhausted just from watchin’ her run around.”

“She’s been so energetic lately,” Frank said. He picked up his fork and pushed his vegetables around on his plate; you’d noticed that he had hardly eaten any of his meal. “Sometimes we can hardly keep up with her. But the bright side of letting her run around is that when bedtime comes around, she’s just about all tuckered out. Isn’t she, Bill?”

Bill scoffed. “If we’re lucky. The kid’s like the damn Energizer Bunny.”

You giggled. Looking over at Gracie, you noticed that she was in one of the bushes and your smile faded slightly. “Oh, um, she’s—” You stopped and simply nodded your head over in her direction, worried that she would get into the roses and accidentally prick herself with a thorn.

Bill looked over his shoulder. He sighed, “She’s digging in the flowers again, Frank.”

“Oh Gracie, honey please don’t pick the flowers—”

But it was too late.

She stepped back from the bush, clutching a tiny handful of Frank’s beloved white begonias. She then ran over to her parents; she first handed a flower to Frank and then one to Bill, who, despite trying his best to keep a stern face, cracked the tiniest of smiles as he accepted it from her.

“It’s so hard to put her in time out when she does things like this,” Frank chuckled, shaking his head. He smoothed her hair back from her face, lovingly tucking it behind her ear. “You’re just the most innocent little troublemaker, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Gracie gave him a tiny nod, and he let his hand drop from her hair as she turned around and walked around the table towards you. Falling into step beside your chair, she held up a flower for you.

Your entire body radiated with a pleasant warmth as you took it from her. Taking the side of her face into the palm of your hand, you leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’m going to keep this forever and ever.” And you would. You planned on pressing it into a book the moment you arrived back in the QZ.

She smiled at you and then she let her gaze flicker curiously over to Joel. You could see her debating it over in her mind—besides the polite little hello that Frank would push her to say whenever you two came over, Gracie rarely ever interacted with him. She wasn’t afraid of him, but even at the tender age of two, she could sense the man’s quiet and serious nature and she knew to keep her distance. It was something of an unspoken, mutual agreement between the two of them; Joel always kept his distance from her too.

After a minute, she finally plucked up some courage and squeezed past you. She went up to the side of Joel’s chair and placed her tiny hand on his bare forearm, giving it a gentle pat as if to call for his attention.

You could almost feel the way he momentarily froze, stiffening beneath her touch.

“Gracie, don’t—” Bill started to say, however Frank held a hand up to stop him.

“Wait, Bill,” he said, quietly. “Let her.”

“Here,” Gracie uttered softly, holding out the last begonia to him.

Joel’s heart had all but leapt up into his throat. His fingers trembled ever so slightly as he lifted a hand and accepted it. When he spoke, he sounded almost breathless. “Thank you.”

“It’s pretty,” she told him, shyly nodding at the flower now in his hand.

“Very pretty,” he agreed. He paused briefly, then touched it to the tip of it to her nose. “Just like you.”

Gracie beamed at him.

Just like you and your momma, he wanted to tell her. Of course, he knew better than to say such a thing out loud in front of Bill and Frank.

“Gracie, honey, what do you say when someone says something nice to you?” Frank prompted her from across the table.

She looked at him, then bashfully turned back to Joel. “Thank you.”

Before anyone could say anything else, a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, and seconds later came the crashing sound of thunder.

Startled by the loud noise, Gracie let out a small yelp and found herself in between Joel’s legs, tugging desperately at his denim shirt. Before his mind and body could even make the connection, he picked her up and hoisted her into his lap and she buried her face into the crook of his neck, a small whimper escaping her.

Bill and Frank exchanged a look of complete shock with one another.

Even you watched on with your lips parted in absolute bewilderment.

You’d only ever seen her in his arms once—when she’d been a newborn.

“It’s alright darlin’,” Joel soothed her, lightly patting her back. “It’s nothin’ but a little bit of thunder. It’s tellin’ us that the rain is comin’ soon, and you know what that means?”

Reluctantly, Gracie pulled her face out of his neck and looked up at him with her dark brown eyes—the very same dark brown eyes she’d inherited from him. “What?”

“More flowers,” he whispered to her, giving her a small grin.

“Really?” she squeaked excitedly.

“Oh, speaking of the rain, here come those April showers.” Frank held out his hand, having felt the first drop. Before he could even utter the warning for everyone to move inside, it suddenly began to pour; the rain came down hard and fast, as if someone up in the clouds had turned on a garden hose. “Everyone in the house!”

Bill helped him out of his chair, slipping an arm around his back. You noticed him struggle alone to help Frank and quickly hurried around the table, taking his other arm, and the both of you helped him up the lawn towards the house.

Joel stood up with Gracie still in his arms; he hurried towards the house behind the rest of you, using his hand to shield her from the rain as best as he could manage, though she ended up getting soaked, just like everyone else.

Once inside, he set her down on her feet. Another round of thunder struck, rattling the walls of the house.

Gasping, Gracie threw her arms around Joel’s leg.

Bill raised an eyebrow, pushing his drenched hair away from his face. “I’ve never seen her get this close to you before.”

“She’s just spooked, that’s all.” Joel cleared his throat awkwardly and reached down, carefully peeling her off of him. He placed his hand on her back and gently nudged her towards him. “Go to daddy.”

“Well, that’s a nice lunch ruined,” Frank sighed heavily. “Gracie, let’s get you upstairs and changed into dry clothes.” He reached down to pick her up, but struggled lifting her into his arms, a problem that you had never seen him have before; a bizarre expression crossed his face and he turned to Bill. “Help me carry her upstairs to her room?”

Bill nodded, picking her up. “Come on, kiddo.”

Crestfallen, Frank watched him as he carried her up the staircase.

“Frank? Are you okay?” You couldn’t help but ask, placing a hand on his arm.

He nodded, forcing a small smile. “I’m fine. I think I just need some rest.” He noticed the skeptical expression on your face and before you could ask him again, he changed the subject. “You two are more than welcome to stay and wait for the storm to pass before heading out.”

Several hours later, and the torrential downpour continued on with no signs of stopping any time soon.

“We’ll be fine,” You assured Frank as you began looking in your pack for your windbreaker. You found it in the top zipper, and pulled it out; although it would hardly do anything to shield you from the cold and heavy rainfall, it would have to do. “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been out and about in a storm like this.”

“Nonsense,” he said, taking the jacket out of your hands. After taking a long nap earlier that evening, he appeared to be in better spirits. He still appeared tired, but he seemed to be moving around with more ease, an indication that he had gained a bit of his strength back. “You two can spend the night down here in the guest bedroom.”

“That’s very kind, Frank. But Bill wouldn’t like that.”

“I already talked him into it. He’s not too happy, but as usual, he’ll get over it.” Frank saw you about to protest and he held up a hand. “Can you just make this easy and graciously accept the offer please?”

You chuckled. You had known him for a few years now and you knew the man was as stubborn as stubborn could be. “Alright, alright. We’ll stay the night.”

“Good.” Frank smiled and handed you your jacket back. “The guest bedroom is down the hall, second door on the left. Make yourselves right at home. If you need anything, just let me know, alright?”

Joel nodded, taking your hand in his. “We appreciate this a whole lot, Frank. Thank you.”

“Of course. You two get some sleep, alright?” He bid the two of you a final goodnight before disappearing upstairs.

With your hand still in his, Joel led the way down the hallway towards the bedroom. He opened the door and flipped on the lights; the room was on the smaller side, but it was still decently spacious, at least for you it was, especially when compared it to the tiny bedroom you and Joel shared with Tess in the QZ. Frank had furnished it with gorgeous antique furniture that you were almost certain he’d refurbished on his own. What really caught your eye, however, was the bed in the middle of the room; it was a large, queen sized bed decorated with a soft, red and gold duvet and matching pillows.

“I’m so used to that old, ripped mattress we have back at home,” You remarked with a small laugh.

Joel squeezed your hand. He was thrilled to have the chance to sleep in such a comfortable looking bed, but more importantly, he found a sense of relief that for the first time in a long time, you would be able to lay in clean sheets and rest your head on a soft pillow. “Looks like we’ll both be gettin’ a good night’s sleep for once.”

Grinning, you tilted your head up towards his, your lips meeting his in a kiss. “Guess being stormed in has its perks,” You murmured against his mouth. You dropped his hand and stepped away from him, pulling your pack off your shoulders and placing it onto the bed. Unzipping it at the top, you opened it up and started rummaging around inside of it, hoping that you had a spare t-shirt that you could sleep in. As Joel started doing the same, you couldn’t help but remark, “Gracie seems to have taken a sudden liking to you.”

He quickly shook his head. “I don’t think so—”

“Joel, she gave you a flower.”

“She gave everyone a flower,” he reminded you. “Not just me.”

“What about the way she just jumped into your arms?”

He scoffed. “The thunder startled her and I was sitting closest to her. She would have jumped into the fuckin’ Boogeyman’s arms if he had been closest to her.”

You rolled your eyes at his ridiculousness. “Okay, what about the fact that she wanted to sit next to you at the dinner table tonight? Or how she decided to introduce you to all of her dolls one by one?”

Joel paused from digging into his pack, his jaw clenching slightly as he mulled over his thoughts in hid mind. “Do you think Gracie senses somethin’ about me?” he asked you quietly after a minute or two of silence.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you asking me that? Do you think she senses something about you?”

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Wouldn’t make Bill and Frank too happy. In fact, it would move me even higher up Bill’s shit list. I can tell that he wasn’t all too happy with the way she was clingin’ to me earlier.” Joel sighed and finally looked up, turning to you. “She looks so much like us, you know. The older she gets, the more I can actually see it. She’s equal parts you, equal parts me. Makes me worry about her noticin’ it someday.”

“Joel, she’s a toddler for Christ’s sake. It’ll be years before that could even happen. And sure she looks a lot like us now, but as children get older their features start to change and—” You stopped, realizing Joel had stopped listening to you.

His eyes were fixed on something over your shoulder, his lips parted slightly.

“Joel, what are you—?” You turned around.

Gracie stood there at the door of the bedroom, which the two of you had left open. She was barefoot, wearing a light pink nightdress; she held her hands behind her back as she simply looked at you and Joel.

“Gracie? Sweetheart, what are you doing out of bed? How on earth did you get down here all by yourself?” Your heart squeezed in your chest when you realized that she could have easily fallen down the stairs and gotten hurt.

“Think she’s got somethin’ there, baby,” Joel noticed. He walked over to her and lowered himself down to one knee in front of her. Although he was sure Bill wouldn’t be dumb enough to leave one of his guns or other weapons lying around unsecured, part of him couldn’t help but worry about what she had in her hands. He held out his hand. “Can I see what you’ve got there, little darlin’?”

She nodded, almost eagerly, and showed him the object she’d been holding behind her back—a children’s book.

You let out a small breath of relief. “Oh thank god.”

Joel took it from her. “Goodnight, Moon,” he read the cover out loud, feeling his heart sink deep into the pits of his stomach. Looking over his shoulder at you, he let out a sharp exhale, as if some unseen force had just knocked all the wind out of his lungs.

Concerned, you placed a hand on his shoulder. “Joel? Are you okay?”

Though clearly he wasn’t, he nodded and turned back to Gracie.

“Read me the story?” she asked him shyly, shuffling from foot to foot.

“Frank already read her a bedtime story,” You explained to him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “He said he only allows her one a night.”

“Well, that’s a stupid fuckin’ rule,” Joel muttered, though he had been loud enough for you to hear.

“Joel!” You snapped, swatting at him with your other hand. “Don’t say that word in front of her!”

Joel almost laughed. “She’s two and a half years old.”

“Yeah, and probably parrot at this age,” You pointed out. “Please, just mind your mouth around her? We don’t need her picking up your rich vocabulary.”

“Bedtime story? Please?” Gracie chirped hopefully, interrupting the two of you.

Joel let out a small scoff. “You expect me to say no to that sweet little face? Not a chance.” He turned back to her. “Alright, I’ll read it to you. But you have to promise me you’ll go to sleep right after. Promise?”

She nodded excitedly. “Promise!”

Your stomach churned. “Joel, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want Bill and Frank getting upset with us—”

“It’s just a bedtime story,” he said. Holding the book in one hand, he rose to his feet and then scooped her up into his arms. He walked out of the bedroom and started up the staircase with you following close behind. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he asked, “Which one’s hers?”

You hesitated before answering, “Second door on the right. Joel, I’m not sure about this.”

“You act like we’re committin’ a fuckin’ crime.”

“First of all stop cursing around her and secondly, we may as well be committing a crime!” You hissed, lowering your voice. “I don’t want to break any boundaries. If Bill gets pissed enough, he could potentially never let us see her again!”

Joel shook his head. “Baby, for the last time, it’s just a fuck—it’s just bedtime story,” he quickly caught himself before another curse word could escape him. “Can you just relax? We ain’t doin’ anythin’ wrong.”

You’d never seen this side of Joel before. Usually, it was him trying to be the voice of reason, it had always been Joel telling you to use your common sense and make the right decisions, and here he was, being so stupidly stubborn.

He opened the door to Gracie’s bedroom and flipped on the lights. It looked like any ordinary little girl’s bedroom—a canopy bed, matching white furniture, a corner strewn with all kinds of toys and a bookshelf packed to the brim with fairytales in another. What surprised you was how the plain white walls had been brought to life with hand painted, large scale wildflowers that surely had to have been done by Frank.

“Daddy’s flowers,” she said, pointing her finger.

“He paints the prettiest flowers, doesn’t he?” You prompted her.

She nodded her head. “Mhm.”

“C’mon.” Joel walked over towards her bed, perching her on his hip as he reached out with his free hand to pull her covers back; he then gingerly laid her down and pulled them up to her chest, tucking her in. “You warm enough, babygirl?”

Gracie nodded. “Yes.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Teddy!”

“Teddy?” Confused, he furrowed an eyebrow and then glanced down at the stuffed brown teddy bear beside his boot. “Oh, Teddy. How did he get down here, darlin’? He’s supposed to be up here with you.” He picked the bear up, placing it right beside her. “That’s better.”

Anxiously, you dropped down into the white wicker chair beside her bed as Joel kneeled on the opposite side. His dark eyes glazed over the book in his hand, and even from where you sat, you could see the sadness flash across his face, subtle, but detectable. Before you could ask him what was wrong, he opened it and thumbed to the first page. Clearing his throat, he began reading to her. “In the great green room, there was a telephone. And a red balloon. And a picture of a cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie lingered on every word, her big doe eyes wide with fascination in the most endearing way.

You finally managed to relax and leaned back into the chair, watching the scene before you with a delicate smile on your face. Your hand instinctively went to your necklace, and you rolled the pearl between your thumb and your index finger as you drank in the sight of Joel reading to your daughter.

His daughter.

“Goodnight moon, goodnight cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie yawned and began blinking furiously.

You could tell she was trying her hardest to stay awake to the very end, but Joel’s deep voice was effortlessly lulling her to sleep.

“Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.” By the time Joel read the last sentence, her eyes had fluttered closed.

“And she’s out.” You lowered your voice so you wouldn’t wake her.

Joel closed the book and placed it on her nightstand. He stared at her and reached out, lightly touching his index finger to her cheek. “If you would’ve asked me two and a half years ago if I thought I’d be tuckin’ her into bed and readin’ her a bedtime story someday, I’d say you’d lost your damn fuckin’ mind.”

You laughed softly and nodded. “Oh, I know.”

“You think she’s happy here?”

Your smile faded slightly. “Of course she’s happy here. Wearing pretty dresses, picking flowers, chasing butterflies across the front yard...”

“Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question,” Joel muttered, rising to his feet.

You stood up from the chair and walked over to him. “Bill and Frank are doing a great job at raising her under the circumstances. She’s happy, she’s healthy—and they love her so much, Joel.”

“Too bad she’ll never know that we loved her first,” he murmured.

“We did love her first.” You reached for one of his hands and took it in your own, lacing your fingers together with his. “But this is the way things have to be and we both know that.”

Joel let out a hesitant sigh. “That book she brought me to read to her,” he started to say, his voice breaking slightly, “That book was the first book that I ever read to Sarah when she was a little girl.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, your heart aching for him. “Joel...” You stopped and swallowed the thick, emotional lump that had risen in your throat. You said nothing else and reached up with your opposite hand, cradling his cheek in your palm.

“She was two years old, just like Gracie is now.” His voice wavered again and it was taking every ounce of strength he had inside of him not to crumble in front of you. He placed his hand over yours on his face. “You know that dimple in her left cheek?”

You simply nodded.

“Sarah had that exact same dimple,” Joel whispered. “Same side, same place too. And the way Gracie acts, she reminds me so much of her when she was that age. The way she smiles, the way she giggles, it all reminds me of Sarah.”

It almost shocked you, the way Joel was mentioning Sarah—the last time he had talked about her was that night in the apartment almost three years ago, when you had brought her up during an argument and it had only added fuel to the fire. You remembered being heavily pregnant with Gracie then, and Joel had confessed that he would probably never be ready to talk to you about the daughter that he’d lost. To hear him even utter her name to you again came completely out of left field.

“Maybe your sweet little butterfly sent you something to remember her by,” You told him, nodding over at the sleeping child.

Joel closed his eyes for a moment, tilting his head further into the palm of your hand. After a while, he finally opened them again and broke the silence. “Do you remember the day we left her here?”

“How can I not? It was hardest day of my entire fucking life.”

“You said that comin’ to see her, it wouldn’t be enough. That it would never be enough.” He paused, remembering, “I said it would never be enough for me either.”

“And?”

“We were right. This ain’t enough,” he admitted. “And every time that we leave here without her, it hurts just as much as it did on day one.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You blinked back the warm tears that had sprung to your eyes.

After spending a while watching Gracie as she slept, you and Joel decided it was time to head downstairs back to the guest bedroom to try and get some rest. Each of you took a turn to kiss her goodnight before shutting off the lights and quietly slipping out of her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #fic: tdtrt

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lillypad-monopoly · 1 month ago

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Wild Life Episode 5 Thoughts

(Except I'm insane about Martyn's ep)

LIFE SERIES TRIVIA is DIABOLICAL! The watchers literally being like "how well do you guys know your pain and suffering?" (also sorry only winners remember theory truthers)

The way Grian and Scar are such bitter ex-soulmates that Mumbo has to point it out is hilarious. (also them getting even and saying "Just like Third Life" hurt my heart)

Grian not remembering iconic moments from his own series is so funny. What do you mean he only knows Martyn beheaded Ren with an axe from fanart? Grian gaining possession of the Red Winter Axe was a whole plot point.

MUMBO FIRST OUT! IN SESSION 5! The canary curse is broken for real now guys but at what cost.

Grian standing on the ruins of the tower by himself going through the five stages of grief over Mumbo's death as the sun rises in the background is a gorgeous piece of fanart waiting to happen

Martyn you didn't need to start the episode by talking about how Ren is providing for you, you're asking for the shipping at this point 🤣

MARTYN YOU DO THE LORE OFC JIMMY AND TANGO WERE OUT FIRST. Also REN YOU WERE LITERALLY IN DOUBLE LIFE. RIP Ren/BigB we know where his true loyalties lie

THE TWO NICKLES MEME BREAKING CONTAINMENT I CAN'T

Ren inviting BigB to join the RenWood Mound alliance WITHOUT REMEMBERING DOUBLE LIFE is so insane I don't even know what to say.

OF COURSE SCAR REMEMBERS THE DESERT DUO FLOWERS I'M GOING TO BE SICK

Martyn and Ren saying they're going to be boat bros. This has been coming since last session but I NEED Joel and Etho to call them out on it

"We're boat boys," MARTYN INTHELITTLEWOOD WHEN I CATCH YOU-

Etho yelling for Bdubs to hit him so they could test if the wildcard affected damage and then Tango going "smack me harder~" in the background was diabolical. Suuuure you guys are all PG.

Etho sitting in a boat for Joel to jump over him feels like some boat boys relationship symbolism I'm not smart enough to explain

So Etho is currently living with team BET, but allied with the Four Gs, and in the family with Gem and Joel. Wildcard Etho is so back!

Of course Impulse immediately remembered the clock question.

Joel boasting about how he immediately knows all the questions is peak Joel form and I would expect nothing less. It is kind of warranted though because everybody else is waffling on the simple ones.

Joel is now two for two on unquestioningly trusting Etho only to have something bad happen to him and not even being mad about it what is wrong with this man 😭

Does Joel have the censor bleep on his keyboard or did he just straight up start swearing at Tango and know they would both have to censor it in post to get the effect that he was also making the noise?

Scott's gone from a creaking fanboy to a body horror situation and I'm living for it (also considering he's agreed to "go wild" this session--am I sensing a Scott corruption arc?)

Scott cutting directly from saying he and Jimmy were never married even though they called each other husbands to a scene WITH Jimmy was kind of an insane choice

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Girldad has been confirmed by Scott as the actual reason for the 4Gs. I still think Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss ImpulseSV is funnier but good to have an official ruling

Scott giving up his life for Pearl and them being good natured about it and calling it therapy! I love them so much!

Lizzie being the only person who's not exicted when a trivia bot spawns is so funny. Even the other players who weren't in all the seasons don't seem to be as miffed by them as she is.

Lizzie's flaming snail arising out of that hole while smiling is potentially the funniest thing I've seen all day. Why did it look like that 🤣

#mine #wild life smp #wild life smp spoilers #grian #martyn inthelittlewood #ethoslab #scott smajor #joel smallishbeans #lizzie ldshadowlady #mumbo jumbo #treebark #renchanting #desert duo #what's scott and pearl's duo name. them

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kianaisspiraling · 2 months ago

Text

*inhales*

WILD LIFE WILD LIFE WILDLIFEWILDLIFEWIL—

Okay okay so so far I've only watched Grian's pov but I'm gonna be binging soooo many others right after this.

First off- Skizz, Mumbo and Grian is just. Such an unexpected and silly group, I love them. Skizz, loyal to the bone. Grian, loyal but can switch sides if needed; won't betray you first. And Mumbo; the least loyal guy on the server, goes completely bonkers the moment he turns red

They also all just like. Carry themselves so seriously? But will very quickly devolve into being incredibly silly? So so silly. They will NOT last long, they're gonna fall apart faster than the Southlands for sure with the cheating allegations Mumbo is throwing at Grian, but it'll be hilarious :)

Grian: apologizing for knowing the wild cards beforehand

Me: smiles and adds it to the pile of Watcher Grian lore

Moving on from them:

*inhales again*

MISSING DOG FOUND-?!?

AND WE GOT TREEBARK BACK!!!!!! :D

The sheer happiness I felt when I saw Ren back oh my void, we missed you buddy. Martyn immediately pairing up with Ren whenever they are on the same server has my heart. They're theatre kids your honor. Can't wait to see Ren pull out his guitar <3

We also have TEAM CRINGE-FAIL-?! Lizzie, Scar, Jimmy all on the same team-? That's amazing. It would be hilarious if THIS is the season Tim wins. SURELY having such a high concentration of loser (affectionate) energy will circle around to make them clutch. Surely. It's their moment.

Smth smth, Lizzie and Scar were the only two people alone last season. Smth smth, Lizzie died first and Scar last. Smth smth, Scar reaches out an unconditional hand to Lizzie, offering her an ally because he knows what it's like to be without. Smth smth, Lizzie accepts because she knows waiting for allies leads to none. They're friends now :)

I also heard Scar brought the reputation points back?? If that's true then oml we're so close to getting a Third Life parody. So so close, especially with Scar falling off a cliff and dying while singing, claiming that everything that touches the light is his. It is SUCH a good season for us folks that never left the desert. Bonus points if Grian ends up with Scar after the Sub-One Club inevitably crumbles.

We've ALSO got the op, terrifying duo of Gem and Joel. They are going to be SO unhinged. They will be the chaos group this season, mark my words. They will inevitably fuck shit up and I am WAITING for it. Manifesting Gem or Joel win >:)

And over here we've got three of the divorce quartet (Scott, Pearl, and Cleo) allied with the local supportive dad (Impluse). Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone outside or in between, we once again have the girls, the gays, and ImpulseSV. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, girldad <3

The three of them just reminiscing on Double Life while Impulse stays quiet, internally remembering his little life in the suburbs with Bdubs as they stirred the pot and watched drama unfold. He DOES NOT have anything to add to this conversation on messy divorce.

Also apparently Scott canonically believes that HE'S the reason Jimmy broke the canary curse and Scar won in secret life?? Because he stopped them from allying together last season or something?? That's just wonderful to me. I don't think he's entirely wrong either, they would've destroyed each other SO quickly

Now, getting on to BigB and whatever he's got going on. Something DEFINITELY happened to him in that hole last season, because he is getting increasingly cryptic. OF COURSE he would live in the Pale Garden with the Creaking. Where else would he go??

I absolutely love everyone making BigB a Creaking hybrid, but hear me out: BigB has ALSO been made a watcher by the fandom in previous seasons because of things like the Nosy Neighbors in Limited Life and his Whole Thing in Secret Life, right? You know what the Watchers are often compared to? Biblically accurate angels. You know what the Creaking has been compared to? Weeping Angels. BigB is a Weeping Angel.

(Maybe Weeping Angels are a type of Watcher. they're closely related to the Creaking; perhaps they made it?)

(I have not watched Doctor Who, though I'd like to. All I know is that Weeping Angels are VERY Watcher-core to me <3)

Finally we have a classic trio of Etho, Bdubs, and Tango. They're taming horses, they're non-stop bickering, they DO NOT share, it's every man for themselves. Tango is third wheeling Ethubs so much rn. They get on each other's nerves. They're besties, after all they keep putting themselves together no matter how much they bicker. Team BET ily <3

Love that Etho IMMEDIATELY tries to ally with the local Watcher for inside information, but Grian refuses to give it to him. It was worth a shot, buddy. I adore every second of screen time in which Grian and Etho interact. They are SUCH a good duo for me. One Stick Wither and Etho's Dishwasher, you will forever be famous <3

Anyhow, I think that covers everything I have to say for now, having watched one pov and scrolled Tumblr for a while. I cannot WAIT for this season, as there's a lot of stuff from previous seasons coming back, with Renchanting, the divorce quartet, Scar bringing back reputation points, and more. I can't wait to see this unfold :D

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beanghostprincess · 11 months ago

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Silly goofy wild and funky idea:

Transman Crocodile who transitioned via Ivankov.

Cross Guild events and Cross Guild Poly where Buggy finally gets the nerve to come out to her two lieutenants and also boyfriends. Mihawk just blinks like "yes? Your Haki is distinctly feminine, so this makes perfect sense. Oh, dear why are you crying, stop that-" meanwhile Crocodile has to bite back every single we traded genders joke and instead just shrugs, going "I quite literally could not be paid to give a fuck. You know I'm bisexual, this changes little, Clown."

Croc does off hand offer to hook Buggy up with Iva if that's smth she's interested in, tho.

Meanwhile Sanji has come out to the Strawhats as a transwoman as well, and the reactions are much more dramatic but no less supportive - if anything, some may be too supportive /hj ((Franky calls her queen and sis and Hawt Mama, Chopper already began working on ways to synthesize estrogen Just In Case, Luffy could not be made to give a single fuck, Ussop is swooning, Zoro informs her that this changes nothing and he'll still kick her ass, Robin offers her congratulations, Nami is already mathing out adding another bed in the girls' room or making a room JUST for Sanji and Ussop to share, Brooke waits 0.006783259 seconds before asking to see undies, just everyone being supportive and stupid))

This leads to Ivankov getting two separate contacts for their services, and so they arrange to meet at a small-ish island to help both, two birds, one stone :)).

Both crews go full Spiderman meme when they come across each other, and Iva handles it with all the gentility of a bull in a china shop, whisking both ladies away while the rest are left just plain gaping and awkwardly avoiding eye contact or completely oblivious to the tension (cough cough LUFFY).

Insert your own silly ideas here, generally.

But when they come back, Mihawk, Crocodile and Ussop are all just absolutely SWOONING for different reasons, full of Respect Woman Juice and I Love My Wife energy, it's adorable and cute and funny.

((Bonus: Luffy calls Buggy auntie without hesitation, and she almost cries even as she punches him over the head))

THIS IS SO CUTE SELJKFNSFLEFNLNDFDLKNSDLK

Okay, so, my thoughts on this. Crocodile having to hold back the 'we traded genders' joke is so damn real and I laughed SO hard. Love him. So true. And transfem Buggy lives in my mind rent free so this is just perfect because I absolutely love her. She's my beloved. She'd be so anxious about it and cry and Mihawk and Crocodile are like-- So done with her because she's acting stupid and dramatic and of course they're going to still want her. And she's crying and they're rolling their eyes and patting her head at the same time. Poor thing. She needs comfort okay??

And,, Transfem Sanji coming out is always so beautiful in my head. She's been battling her gender issues for AGES and now she feels comfortable enough to come out to the crew. She's anxious but she knows she has to do this now or she never will. And it's-- It's so real to me. The way she would explain everything that happened to her back in Momoiro Island and then say that she's actually a girl. And everyone's quiet because they know she's looking at Luffy only right now, expecting an answer from her captain. And Luffy is just like "??? Okay? You're still my cook. So who cares? You seem happier now!" and that is when Sanji starts crying. Because of course she's crying. And of course, Usopp is the one to hug her first because that's his girlfriend and she needs a hug and forehead kisses right now. But they have 0 privacy because Luffy wants hugs too. I mean. Obviously.

Franky is loud af and he's SOBBING while he screams how proud he is of their cook (I've always said Franky feels like a girldad because just look at how he interacts with Nami. And he's sooooooooo loving Sanji right now). Robin would be so so proud too and would say she's happy for her and smile in the sweetest of ways (Robin please adopt me). I think Chopper would also ask a lot of questions before making estrogen, just in case, but then he'd go and try to make it right away. Nami hugs Sanji but the sweet moment doesn't last long because she's already telling Franky her ideas for a bigger, better room for the girls or!!! "Better!!!!!! A room for Sanji and Usopp so we don't have to deal with them!!!!!! But also make the girl's room bigger because I say so!!!!!!". Zoro says he doesn't give a fuck because he will still kick her ass but he's secretly happy that she looks more relaxed and comfortable in her skin. Brook is Brook and he says his Brook thing about panties but I think Sanji would kick him having the best gender affirmation moment of her fucking life. And Jinbe is just the cutest because I think he'd laugh at the chaotically sweet situation and say that strength comes from being happy with yourself and Sanji is the strongest for being so brave and true to herself (he be saying poetic and cute shit like that and he expects me not to absolutely love him. Dad behavior. I am SO sure he would beat the shit out of anybody who misgendered Sanji. But that's what any Strawhat would do, so,,,).

They go see Iva (Iva my beloved) and they're all,, So uncomfortable,, Buggy acts overconfident and says she's perfectly fine and not scared at all of what Iva's going to do to her body (liar. She's scared af and Crocodile and Mihawk know so they keep scaring her even more because it's funny to see their girlfriend crying. Look. The fact that they're soft and dating doesn't mean they're not gonna bully her). And Sanji has smoked like two fucking boxes of cigarettes already despite saying that she doesn't care about it (she has never been more excited in her entire life) and she's holding Usopp's hand so hard she's going to break it at some point. Anyway, Iva is a dramatic bitch and they make Sanji and Buggy come with them to a more private place because they want it to be a surprise for everyone (drama queen. Love them. I would do it too. Trust the process, girls, you're in good hands). So Cross Guild and the Strawhats end up alone and waiting for their girls to come back. And. Yeah. Uncomfortable. Zoro looks at Mihawk at some point and goes:

Zoro: I thought you were gay. Mihawk: I swing both ways. Usopp: Actually, you swing sword- Mihawk: Awful. Shut up. Don't ever speak to me again. Don't even look at my direction, actually. Roronoa, why is your crew like this? Zoro: It was really funny, though. Mihawk: I wish to not partake in this conversation anymore. Everyone just shut up and wait. ............. Luffy: Hey, guys, do you think Sanji's going to have bigger boobs than Zor- Nami: OH MY GOD LUFFY YOU CAN'T SAY THAT Luffy: BUT I'M CURIOUS Zoro: Yeah, she's going to ask for the biggest of boobs only to piss me off because she's annoying like that. Mihawk: Why would you even care about your breast size, Roronoa? Crocodile: Tsk. You care about mine. Usopp: OH MY GOD SJKFNSKDEWKFJNJKSFN

Okay, so Sanji and Buggy eventually come back. Finally. And they were gorgeous before but now they're even more beautiful because they actually look extremely happy with their bodies. I want to describe how I see them but just check @/vongulli's account and see their fem Buggy because she kills me every time and that's the only way I can see fem Buggy now. And Sanji to me looks like @/sibmakesart's fem Sanji. This artist made a nude fem Sanji not long ago and I loved it,, So much,, ANYWAY!!!!!! Getting carried away.. Thinking about women. It's not my fault I'm a lesbian. But they look perfect and they're comfortable and happy. And Sanji's boobs are surprisingly not huge and Zoro makes a comment about that but Sanji is like:

Sanji: WHAT????? YOU ONLY SEE ME AS A BOOB-OBSESSED GIRL OR WHAT? Literally everyone at the same time: Yes. Sanji: Well, for your information- Usopp: She likes thighs more Sanji: Usopp, don't tell them- Iva: And also, my dears, that is not how my power works Zoro: So you did ask for big boobs and you couldn't have them Sanji: I'm going to kill you and wearing heels it's going to hurt even more Usopp: Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on right now? Nami: ...Haha Usopp: Are you okay? Nami: Hey, Usopp, I- Usopp: You can't fuck her Nami: I swear I can't have anything!!! What do you have against lesbians??? Usopp: YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??? Nami: I dunno, yes??

Crocodile and Mihawk are having... A moment. They will still bully her and they're sure she's going to look extremely pretty crying and whining but right now she deserves to be worshipped because just look at her. Buggy approaches them and she's like "If you laugh I'm going to throw knives at you and then leave Cross Guild and!! And!! And I'm going to be really mad so pleasedon'tlaughireallylikethispleasedon'truinit" and they look at her with the fondest of looks (but gotta be honest, they're so horny right now it's unbearable. Like yes, happy wife happy home happy everything but also happy dick because just look at her). Crocodile is just frowning and genuinely asks "Why would we laugh? You look stunning, dear" and Mihawk follows with "I must say I'm not surprised, since you've always looked beautiful. But you look... More satisfied with yourself." And Buggy has to hold back the tears and that's why she starts saying things like "Pffft. Yeah! I knew I'd be gorgeous like this too! Now I look even flashier!" and y'know, the two men are letting her have her moment because now she looks even better and they can't stop staring at her. So maybe she's right this time when she fakes confidence.

Usopp and Nami need a second to process everything, I think. Also, they both hit Brook at the same time when he's about to ask Sanji the question™. Nami is having a lesbian moment, but of course Sanji realizes and does her Sanji thing like opening her mouth and speaking:

Sanji: Nami-swaaan!!! Do you like how I look now??? Nami, ignoring her and whispering to herself: Disgusting. I hate this. Zoro: At the end of the day it's just curly, huh? Nami: I was thinking with my dick. Zoro: Yeah. Happens. Been there.

So, Usopp and Sanji finally get their moment together because at least the Strawhats are respectful enough to give them their sweet uhhhh two minutes before they start complimenting Sanji. So that's something! Sanji is confident with her body but is a bit shy and isn't sure what Usopp will think about this. Not that she has changed much, even, but, you know. Just different. In a good way for her! But different. And Usopp approaches her slowly and smiling and he's just so so so happy. And he's like "You look gorgeous!" / "... Really? I wasn't sure whether you'd like it-" / "I will always like you! But more importantly, do you like you?" / "I mean- Weird phrasing, but yes. Yes? I think so. Yes." / "Then that's all that matters." And Sanji really, really doesn't want to cry because she has never cried in front of the whole crew. She just can't help it. But Usopp knows she doesn't like it when others see her cry so he quickly wipes her tears away and when she starts laughing (so so happy and full of love) Usopp just needs to kiss her.

Meanwhile, Luffy is there calling Buggy auntie and asking when she's going to tell Shanks about this. She keeps saying she will never tell him and if he wants to find out, he'll do it through her new wanted poster or whatever, but not from her.

#now this is what i call an amazing ask thank you SO much for this #i just loved writing this so much damn #they're all so silly #one piece #black leg sanji #transfem sanji #buggy the clown #transfem buggy #emporio ivankov #cross guild #strawhat pirates #just tagging the people who actually do stuff in this one bc too many characters and not enough energy #usopp #dracule mihawk #sir crocodile #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #monkey d. luffy #sanuso

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cherryberry-sugarandspice · 13 days ago

Text

I don't like recently how Wanda is suddenly a big daddy's girl for literally a huge amount of reasons

1. Magneto kept guilt tripping Wanda into staying in the brotherhood of evil mutants. Since he was the one who saved Wanda, in his eyes, that must mean she owes him and do all of his bidding. And if Wanda is staying, so was Pietro.

2. Wanda herself said Magneto isn't her father. She's angry and hurt by him and has every right to be.

3. Killed her brother.

4. Told pietro he didn't deserve resurrection right in front of them.

5. He's only used his children for his evil intent and purposes for a long time.

6. House of M and we know how that shit show was

7. Tried getting them back to join the brotherhood, even using force

There's probably a lot more tbh

I know in the beginning Magneto was more of a one dimensional villain, because over the years he's more of a in depth character, and there’s also changes of different writers and with a different writer, the characters can either be consistent and true to themselves, or completely butcher them and forget the previous storyline.

Wanda has every right to be angry with Magneto. She already has a father. Django Maximoff.

It is conflicting I'll admit. I am a sucker for girldads and seeing how Wanda and Magneto are currently makes my heart go "aww that's his baby!!" But another part of me wants Wanda to beat him up, because I know if that were me, I would HATE him. Hate him to my very core.

I feel like, personally, with the ret-con of them no longer being blood related, they really don't have a reason to stay connected unless fighting on the same team.

If marvel really wanted the direction of Wanda and Magneto having a good father-daughter relationship, then maybe they should've let Wanda be angry with Magneto longer.

Considering all the shit he's done. He can do all he wants to make up for it, but what done is done. He's shown he can be good (how he is as a grandfather, how he was with luna, and even with the new mutants, and even in AoA with him as a parent, though that is a different reality. Im just showing examples of when he can be a good parent) and that he's changed, but of course that doesn't excuse what he's done. In my opinion, if hatred hadn't poisoned his heart, he never would've done what he did.

Wanda should've been given the choice to slowly warm up to him, while still holding him responsible, and keep him at arm's lengths. This should've been done at her own pace if she really wanted to keep him in her life as her adoptive father.

Because let's not forget the man is awful to Pietro. And for the longest time, that's all she could depend on, her brother. The two only had each other and they still have each other's backs. When Magneto told Pietro he didn't deserve resurrection right in front of her, she should've beaten him up.

This is all so complicated, but let's be honest, when will it not be complicated?

Also, these are just my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own. I'm just spilling my thoughts. So please, no negativity.

#cherryberry thoughts🍒#magneto #wanda maximoff #comic wanda maximoff #the scarlet witch #scarlet witch #comic pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff #magnet family #theyre so damn complicated

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carmenized-onions · 5 months ago

Note

Chap 13 STRAP ON IN MOTHERFUCKER

tumblr not notifying me of this WHEN I HAVE NOTIFICATIONS ON is a crime, like be so fr rn

1. OMG FIRST MEET WITH MIKEY OH SHIT. was this inspired by napkins perchance?

2. i love the word ‘indulge’. you kinda went off when you invented the english language

3. unrelated to this but the age thing. it’s so funny that we were all shocked by mikey’s age when his best friend literally said “dude i think i’m 45 polishing forks”

4. Yoink!

5. it will be HER sandwich indeed🥺

6. MIDDLE-AGED i mean it’s true but dang you really did them like that,,

7. THE COFFEE MACHINEEE. BABYYY WE’RE GETTING ALL THE TIDBITS

8. the mirror to carmen broke my heart. also we get his pov of the *situation* now so im gonna be sick

9. UGHHH YOUR WRITING!!!!! >>>>>> it deffo feels like we’re in his head

10. every time you tried food for him - IM ACTUALLY CRYING SHUT UP

11. gary with the ‘ick’🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼

12. CARMEN ARE YOU NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT HOW HE WANTS WINE GIRL’S NUMBER

13. he cannot get it to smell like you again. - babyboyyy

14. He thought he didn’t want that? - 😭😭😭 BRING THEM BACK

15. You looked so good. You always look good. Better, in his clothes, but you always look good - BARK BARK BARK

16. It’s probably the onions from the broth making her tear up. - THE ONIONS👀

17. You’ve been out of Carmen’s life for 0ERR minutes. Yeah. That’s exactly how long it feels like. - YOOO YOU FUCKING KILLED WITH THIS

18. oop the thin line for the mikey / flashback parts !! we back. (or maybe it’s the same as it’s always been and i’m dumb) ALSO MARCUS<333 the bread guy💀 he IS the nicest

19. “My ears, kid.” - T🥹🥹🥹

20. ugh here we get to see chippy be such a nerd, no wonder her and squid are besties

21. Sometimes you think about asking if she needs you anymore. - clutching my chest

22. mikey calling her ‘kid’ is so accurate

23. OMG SHE WAS COOKING WITH THEM TOO🥺🥺🫶🏼

24. Like he can see the invisible snake coiling around Carmen. - oh you popped off onion

25. “Can we step out, for a second, Chef?” - OH FUCK

26. “You should reply!” - her being an angel to carmen before they even met i’m so🥺🥺🥺

27. “No, no— Oldest.” - REAL, or like only child but not in the spoiled way - in the had to be the mediator way cause they’re the only one there

28. Mikey is really good at being an older brother, you think. - mikey being a caring older brother figure to her is soooo cute

29. Did his mouth taste bad, every time he’d kiss you? Probably. - NOOO CHIPPY WANTS TO GIVE YOU ALL THE SMOOCHES - well not rn but hush

30. I just— I just made the—The only fuckin’ good thing in my life leave - STOP OMG THEIR LOVE IS EVERYTHING IM GONNA BITE AN XLR CABLE

31. “Heard and resented.” - RICHIE IS SO CUTE STOP chip and richie are my fave besties

32. “Want your coffee?” - I too would fold immediately

33. “Fucker.” - I LOVE THEM

34. He kisses your temple as you pass him, making an all too aggressive ‘muah’ noise - STOPPPP HE IS THE CUTEST GIRLDAD EVER I WANT TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND 😭😭😭

35. the syrups<3

36. “Cousin!” - okay bad timing but she called him cousin🥺

37. naloxone kit - i had to google this and OH SHIT

38. “You got her number, by chance?” - PUKE

39. I’ve had her number for three years, memorized - actually fuck it all, THEY are everything to me

40. I would be so fucking lucky, if a woman like that— - this had me crying, he’s so special to me actually

41. And he pivots his head, to speak very deliberately, to Carmen - man he’s just the best friend and guard dog

42. If fuckin’ only. If I had someone like that— I’d be on hand and fucking knee, for her. - biting into a pillow because oh my god ?? their friendship owns me

43. It also wouldn’t hurt to get your number, you’re perfect. - 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

44. There’s a joke in here somewhere, and it’s probably Carmen. - STOP HURTING ME ONION THATS SO SAD

45. “I’d fucking kill him.” - are they talking about lee😁 cause go for it bestie!! kill that fucker

46. “Hard to speak in those rooms.” - he’s so intelligent and that just makes it all so much sadder

47. “I would’ve said something.” - So true but chip is a superior being so

48. Like you can take the compliment, but you can never say ‘I know, I’m doing it on purpose.’ - crying again. the way you write mikey is just unmatched. better than the show - *tamisha iman voice* I SAID WHAT I SAID

49. because you’re the guy, too. - this scene is so special and precious

50. “Like a nerd?” “Like a nerd.” - something about chip’s friendships with middle-aged men is so dear to me

51. There was this girl - her girlfriend!!

52. also love that we get to hear some of her addiction story🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 and the way you handled it was beautiful❤️

53. “Oh don’t you point a finger when it comes to burying a fucking lead.” - GET HIS ASS

54. “Michael The Bear Berzatto, you have officially been sober for twenty-four hours.” - YOOO this is the cutest thing, them spending time together so he won’t - yeah:’)))

55. he’s still your guy - big brother🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 ugh like i *kinda* get why carmen was jealous cause it’s like mikey was SUCH a big brother to her that it makes sense that carmy would wonder why mikey couldn’t be that to *him* - his actual brother

56. “That’s what she said—” “Fucking gross!” - amazing

57. this chapter is fully like 7 chapter shoved into one worth of content and i love that

58. “[…]Don’t forget that. That we’re on the same team and I love you.” / “I’m not gonna forget you love me, Chip.” and neither of you know this is a lie, yet. - 🥺🥺🥺

59. “And I don’t want that shit for Chip, either—“ - he’s always protecting her 🥺🥺🫶🏼

60. “Cousin, what the fuck did I say to her?” / “You said she failed him.” - the tears are coming back. i’m really alice crying in wonderlanding this chapter

61. zero pulse - oh the throw backs

62. Mikey desperately trying to escape the freezer - I KNEEWWWW HE WAS STUCK IN IT AT SOME POINT. maybe you actually mentioned this in a chapter but !! anyways this wasn’t the way i imagined but this was better

63. YOU WROTE THIS SCENE SO SPLENDIDLY MY LOVE I AM IN AWE OF YOU

64. “Don’t open it.” - he’s trying so hard 🥺

65. “Because the last person that helped you just ran out crying.” - GET HIS ASS RICHIE!!!!

66. Thank you, for softening him up, because if you hadn’t, again, Carmen would be going headfirst through the fucking window right now. - love that

67. “You want me to take all my money, okay, and place it in a fucking furnace? Is that right?” - LMAO UNCLE JIMMY IS SO FUNNY

68. “So I’m sensing—” You curl your hand in the air. “A touch of hostility, which is fair.” - they’re so funny i just - also she sounds like squid, love that

69. No, the manager at Wells Fargo was. - OH???

70. “She could be my daughter!” - the chipxmikey allegations are dead🥳🥳 a win!

71. And I’m gonna bring Carmy on, and we’re gonna do like - omg this is better than canon🥺

72. it’s the blind leading the fucking blind. - you make the drama funny

73. “Every week that you keep going, that’s ten grand.” - JIMMY!!!

74. Fingers crossed he likes you - 💔💔💔 don’t do me like that😭😭😭

75. “If that’s what getting a star takes, I don’t want it.” - ayo???🥺🥺🥺 (no pun intended)

76. “Can you stay after close?” - OH OH OH!!!!

77. no fucking idea where he’s been putting it - and she would not be able to guess it because that’s insane

78. It’d be more accurate of him to say he likes the sticky notes you tack on to each mug - she really is just the cutest ever

79. “I know. But I wanna prove I can, too.” - 🫶🏼

80. “Child incoming, no expletives please!” - EVA COMING!!!!! chippy being the gay aunt LETS GOOOO (also shout out richie for knowing big words)

81. “You’re gonna break your neck, Mike.” - can it just be this? the three of them? forever?

82. “I don’t wanna plan your funeral.” - YOOOOOOOOOO

83. A LITTLE PATOOT IS RIGHT

84. removing your hands from Eva, but then she holds them there. - i combusted🥹😭💕

85. kiss your cheek just short of a million times. “The perfect woman—” - hgnnh inlove them so muchhhhh. i need this to be in the show, WHERE IS CHIP IN CANON (i like to think that whenever we don’t know what richie or syd is up to they’re with chip:’))

86. “Not Italian!” is the synchronous reply from you and Mikey. - love this

87. Eva interrupts him, taking as much as a shining to you as she does her father. “Exp—Expultive!” She looks at you for approval and you nod in delight. - 😭🫶🏼💖😭🫶🏼💖😭🫶🏼💖

88. richie calls eva sweets!!!!!

89. “I want you to start talking to Carmen, when he comes back.” - their biggest believer besides me!!

90. “Cause you’re you.” - speechless

91. “Are you trying to hook me up right now?” “He’s a virgin, so it’s definitely not a good deal for you—” - IANDJDIEJEIEIEJEJEIRJFHRJ

92. “I just want you to be prepared for what you’re getting into, he gets performance anxiety so—” - aiaiwneoeneiwhrjrje?!?!!!

93. “Thank you! I ask for so little.” - this is just PEAK

94. He grabs the notepad and rips off the twenty seven points. - richie is so funny actually

95. deli containers of coke. - sniff sniff?👀

96. “Solve it hard and fast—” “Why hard—?” - BALEGDEH

97. Richie’s got lists of books now, instead of zingers. They somehow hit harder. - YOU GO RICHIE!!

98. “We know.” - that’s so cute!! he soft launched their relationship without knowing

99. Carmen’s gonna do right by you, for the rest of his life. - ONION🥹🥹😭😭

100. He’s gonna be your man - *in the arms of the angel🎶🕊️*

101. When he knew you’d be out of the city. - that is so heartbreaking and i’m crying again

102. Maybe Carmen will figure it out. It’s meant for him anyways. - i mean technically i already knew this, but it’s so sweet to see it written anyways

103. With his three month sobriety chip hanging off of it. - 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

104. “Nephew didn’t take a liking to you?” - STOP YOU CANT BE THIS FUNNY WHEN THE CHAPTER IS THIS TRAGIC

105. My best friend died on February 22nd. On the State Street Bridge - and the tears are rolling

106. “Go inside, soon. Come home.” / “I will” - crying again

107. MICHAEL FUCKING SAW HER

108. Wells-Fargo will ask if you want to close your account. - ohhh that’s why they asked about the baby

109. Next time you’ll think of everything, next time you won’t fail. - chiiiip🥺

110. You will go, and you will sit on the curb across from the church, and you will not go inside. - THE MIRRORING OF HER AND CARMY UGHH IT’S SO POWERFUL

111. You will stare at the little stuffed bear, the roses, the picture frame of him, and you will finally say it aloud. - more crying

112. When Carmen shows up, two hours later, not honestly that long after you finally left, he will add a bouquet and a prayer candle - they’re so meant to be and just ugh these moments are so special

113. “Guys I— Guys I don’t know how to run bar, and I don’t think I should’ve been trusted, with this.” - LMFAO

114. “I’m gonna fix it.” Carmen will tell you -🥺 i’m soft🥺

115. No more fucking shoes, because it's all out now. -😭💖

116. It’s not negotiable. - YOOOOOO THE MIC DROP AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER YOU FUCJING ATEEEEEEE THIS AND THEN SOME

I think you’ve gotta be crowned for longest ask? I believe you’re currently number one fan of the blog (like in terms of the literal activity stats), so perhaps that’s enough of a reward.

LETS STRAP ON IN I MEAN I won’t respond to every point because that would be insane but let’s GO

We’ve messaged about it hhehehe BUT FOR THE CLASS!! Had the intro planned pre-napkins!! Slash this whole chapter. I was very much going off of Fishes for my flashback inspo but then they gifted me Napkins and I got to YOINK that scene like Mikey yoinked that sandwich. and for that Mr Storer and Ayo I thank u

THE AGE THING LISTEN I NEED TO REWATCH FORKS BECAUSE I THOUGHT RICHIE SAID 40 NOT 45— It’s WHY I was so shocked about Mikey being 43— I shouldn’t have been, it’s only 3 years, but in my minds eye I was like “well surely they’re the same age, they give ‘went to highschool together’ energy because when the fuck else would you meet— But I can’t remember a single freshman I STAYED friends with in both high school AND college for that matter so WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Writing in Carmen’s head for Friday was so fucking fun. No wonder they make him freak so much in S3 it’s just FUN TO MAKE HIM SQUEAK. Also man idk if I ever have the best grip on Gary/Sweeps but I felt like bro HAD to be thinking “what? You want the number of the kitchen princess? The personality hire that also actually does things here? I’m going to threw up.”

Carmen spiral being very sweet as he actively ignores the elephant of his EC being a creep,,,, ohhhhhhh babbyyyyy highway to the DANGERzone. I really felt like that moment was simply “I literally cannot process this information so I’m just not going to”

THE THIN ASS LINES!! They’re the same colours as before (though I did debate changing them, I couldn’t think of a colour scheme that would suite Mikey/Chip’s flashbacks better, but maybe I’ll ninja edit and change them in the future, we’ll see.)

Chip was/is SUCH a nerd I loved writing her back when she was in Syd’s position of being completely new to this family and needing to integrate (YOU’RE NOT INTEGRATED IN THE DREAM WEAVE!!!)… ahhhh

100% Chip could also be an only child i see that in a million ways, A MEDIATOR FOR SURE!! I think any childhood dynamic could work for her honestly, I made her a baby truly for the sake of representing the other babies out there like me— WE ALSO ARE DEPENDABLE!! WE CAN BE DA ROCK TOO!! And I honestly think Carmen needs someone who was a baby sibling in his life. Babies work very well together.

BITING AN XLR CABLE IS SUCH A SPECIFIC FEELINFDKNVJFD been there. How many times have I hung an XLR around my neck? Too many times (for convenience I swear!!) (those equipment hauls SUCK ALRIGHT!!)

Girldad big brother Rich !! My beloved!! I love that after the naloxone scene comes Richie’s “I’ve had her number for three years, memorized— You know why?” — He never actually gets to say why— And is it cause they’re besties? Yes 100%, but it’s also BECAUSE OF THE NALOXONE SCENE!! Chip was absolutely his borderline emerg contact for awhile. I absolutely headcanon he considered calling her when he went to prison. That would’ve been his version of Syd calling her during opening night. Her two besties KNOW Chip is the most dependable person they know (My legacy is to be an excellent emergency contact !! aah shit)

Mikey does the same shit Chip did with Lee/Carmen!! Tried to justify/critically think through the emotions of the other people/person in order to emotionally recover!! CAUSE THEY’RE BOTH THE GUY I’M SICK. IM WRETCHING. CHIP AND HER SUPPORT MIDDLE AGED MEN DOGS ARE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SO PERSONAL

BETTER THAN THE SHOWOWWJLFKJSF I try I try. I really do hope I was on point with my Mikey characterization, because I do think if he had a chance to be vulnerable this is how he WOULD speak because it’s VERY clear in his episodes that he’s extremely emotionally intelligent, and like a fucking sniper, I see me in him and him in me and i can TELL that motherfucker is doing it on purpose. FUCK. He knows what he needs to be for people! And he knows he does it for people! We always know! We always fuckin’ know! We’re the guy on purpose!!

Her girlfriend!!!!!!!! There’s nothing to this point besides her GIRLFRIEND!!

It compLEETTEELYY makes sense for Carmen to be jealous of Chip for being so close with Mikey— But I think the thing that he’s started to realize— Is that yes 100% Chip got to be Mikey’s guy when Carmen didn’t, but Chip very specifically got those last two extremely turbulent two years, like it was NOT all good. The only memories Carmen has of Mikey are either positive or ruined purely by the rest of his family— HE never had to see Mikey go through HALF the shit that Richie/Chip saw him go through, and I think he’s realized, Oh I don’t have legitimate reason to be mad over a time that literally was not even that fun

Richie’s always protecting her!!! Fully prioritized her!! Parking lot scene softened the shit out of Richie for this fight honestly because after crying with Chip he managed to realize “oh yeah Carmen’s just a fuckhead. He’s wrong about everything he said. I’m going to go kill him to avenge you now.” love him. Love him love him.

There’s a shocking amount of title throwbacks in this one, I can’t remember, but if you keyword search you might find a couple. Zero Pulse, Doing too much I know is in here. Something to do, obviously. Tony Terry Or Tommy, not exact title but that’s here. Some version of do the thing is in here. Easter eggs? Yeah let’s call them easter eggs.

MIKEY IN THE FREEZZEERR It’s referenced in the first chap (which I imagine you caught on your reread, and in Chap12) but like you said, I think both times I worded it in such a way where it was like, oh he got stuck the same way Carmen did— nononono I DID SOMETHING WAY MORE FUCKED UP!! That trio was trying so hard man. I love them as a trio, I never wanted to stop writing for them.

Put my money in a furnace you say? I’m in. (Uncle Jimmy to both of his nephews 1 million times)

Chipxmikey the ship has drowned. The ship has careened into the ocean. The ship is getting visitors from billionaires in a barely functioning submarine. The ship just killed the submarine.

AYOOOOO If that’s what a star takes I don’t want it— BITCH. MAKEOUT!

The sticky notes on the mugs!! And they end up being the sticky notes in his ICE folder!! The ones that Carmen loses his shit over!! Fucker feels real bad now, I bet.

Eva’s whole moment is inspired by my co-workers kid who immediately upon meeting me and finding out I know what Sanrio is— Fell head over heels for me as a best friend. Fully kept asking me to come out of the office to watch her do backflips and then ask if I could do that, and I went “Honestly no but I think I can kind of almost a little bit do the splits”

I SO WISH CHIP WAS IN CANON MAN,, SYD AND RICHIE CLEARLY NEED A PERSON— I know inevitably their person will likely end up being each other, but like, Chip is so good for both of them. Made me so sad when either of them were lonely in S3 cause I was like baby. Your Work Wife is just offscreen. Just look over there she’s right there man what do you mean she’s not canon

Mikey shipped CarmTony before it was cool. ALSO CAUSE YOU’RE YOU is one of my favourites. I think Tony says it to Chip first at one point, and then he says it back to her in Doing too Much, ahhhh houston the house boottts

TOO MANY PEOPLE FREAKED OVER THE PERFORMANCE ANXIETY— LISTEN I DONT THINK MIKEY KNOWS HIM LIKE THAT BUT LIKE CLEARLY CARMEN GETS PERFORMANCE ANXIETY IN EVERYTHING HE DOES ALRIGHT? ALRIGHT???

I love going from “I ask for so little” to Richie/Syd asking Carmen to completely 180 his entire life in a week. Like that’s so fucking funny to me. As is “oh Good” and TEARING off the list lmao

We cANT MAKE COKE JOKES IN THE SOBRIETY CHAPTER!!! This one did slip by me though honestly I had to fucking change coke to Diet Coke in the intro of Zero Pulse to make it clear that Carmen did not fall asleep on his couch covered in chip dust and cocaine. Or did he…

Chip thought she was so slick soft launching with the jacket when Carmen did it immediately by accident.

This whole final scene I’ll try to condense down into one point because if I don’t we’ll all go insane listening to me fucking yap again about it. But MIKEY SAW HER MAN!!! This last call sucks so much because he’s STILL the fucking guy in it. He’s still making sure she and everyone else are okay and trying to make her laugh with the nephew thing DESPITE the fact that he’s got a clear plan— i’m soooo—- I’m gonna reach into heaven and beat MB’s ass.

The mirroring of their mourning!! Hell!!! I imagine they drove past each other not knowing the other was doing the same shit. How fucking different would their lives be if they overlapped at that vigil man i’m ill

HE’S GONNA FIX IT!!!! IT’S NOT NEGOTIABLE!!!! ALSO SOMEONE PLEASE HELP FAK RUN BAR HE’S FUCKING DYING!!!!

Thank you for these thoughts as always, can’t wait to see what you think about my bullshit with Chapter 14. YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT. I THINK. I HOPE.

I literally had to take the numbers off this because the block was so long tumblr would not let me post it. this has never happened before JESUS CHRIST

#yapping #ask #extensive yapping #really fucking extensive #popcornpoppin #long post #two steps back

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inky-duchess · 1 year ago

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Hello~

Would it make sense for a royal to take on a foreign princess as a ward. Her country is now split into two thanks to civil war, and she's being hunted as her royal blood still makes her valuable (solidifying a usurper claim) or dangerous (those supporting her in her own right or alternatively being used as a puppet). Most of her family has been killed, and she ended up ferried away when still a young child in the early conflict. She goes from hand to hand before being sold to a slave market. She finds herself in the court of the MCs father. She'd been well kept, despite her status, she can read and write. The girl has no proof of her true identity. But when it comes to light that she may be the only surviving child of the deposed king, a rumor that has spread all over the continent (a la Anastasia) would it be worth the trouble to look after her? Aside from the possibility of it being true, the only thing she has going for her is her budding companionship with the king's own children (he's a GirlDad™️ so whatever makes his children happy)

Can you tag @writer-somewhat I'm currently on my personal tumblr lol thx!

Yes, @writer-somewhat. It would not only make the Royal family look good but also give them a stake in the future of the Princess's kingdom that could become either an ally or enemy. If they have her, they can control how their country deals with her nation.

#ask answered

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iid-smile · 3 days ago

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while i ponder on my next theme im spontaneously making a pyramid of who i think the prettiest boys were this year with explanations even though nobody asked for my opinions (except it's not really a pyramid and is actually a SQUARE because im indecisive as hell) + some special mentions at the end

9. sukuna — jujutsu kaisen . unfortunately sukuna looked a little too good in s2 🙄 literally everybody looked a little too good in s2 and he was the best out of everyone, even geto.... i know it came out last year and im still not over it 😪 as illegal as it might sound, i prefer this ver of him over his true form.. sorry but i dont like beefy men </3

8. kaji ren — wind breaker . after getting over my realisation that i dont like wind breaker as much as i thought i did oops kaji will always have a special place in my heart. even outdid his lookalike (inumaki) ahahahahqahahaa how is that even possible?? more screentime? maybe

7. henrique lorca — delico's nursery . my baby 🥰🥰 gonna wife him up or whatever... maybe i simped over his wife a little more than him but that's not the point! honestly this entire series is filled with pretty boys (GERHARD!)

6. chigiri hyoma — blue lock . 🤩 what a baddie !!! i specifically pulled up him from the manga because his eyelashes are 10x better. he's so 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

5. kinich — genshin impact . no explanation needed. everybody agrees btw

4. nagi itsuomi — a sign of affection . he is the stantard. i dont make the rules 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ sorry but his lips are just so kissable or whatever... and i wanna bite him... and wife him up.... have HIM wife me up.... gonna kiss all over his tattoo..... if uve seen him with his tan and roots grown out you'll know how GORGEOUS he was omg !!! currently giggling as we speak and might purr if im not careful (this is a threat)

3. itoshi sae — blue lock . kaneshiro has a habit of making pretty boys so.... would call him my boyfie but i 100% WOULD NOT DATE THIS MAN!!! nonchalant men are not for me 😪

2. shinazugawa sanemi — demon slayer . has been here since day ONE. was drooling during all of his scenes i love him so much.......... <3 WIFE ME UP IM READY! his smile is so gentle and everything and ururregrrgrhrhrhhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrjrhrhhhhgghhgghhgrhrhrhrh i want him 😖 tell me right now he wouldnt be the best girldad??1?1?1?

1. hiori yo — blue lock . HIORI YO!! you cannot tell me you dont see stars in his eyes. i see them RIGHT THERE!!!!! OH MY GOD he's such a recent discovery and he's managed to overtake sae </3 what a sweet boy ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

some special mentions!!

itoshi rin, ishida shoya, obanai iguro, ino takuma, shidou ryusei if he ever had his hair down, okay literally all of the bllk boys with their hair down or wet (except reo 🖕 wet rat), hoshina soshiro, dali delico, loid forger, yuri briar (oops)

my LEAST favourite

oliver aiku 👎👎👎👎 sick of seeing his scrubby face. could count each individual hair of his stubble. hate his colour palette. need bis middle aged self six feet away from me 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎💩

#sunny talk — ★#pls dont kill me over the very last opinion i swear jm jokjng 🙏

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radiant-reid · 3 years ago

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Teaching and Learning

Summary: After some true bragging happens about Spencer at the hands of his daughter, her teacher is determined to find out how amazing he really is.

single dad spence goes to “bring your dad to school day” and his kid is like hyping him up to everyone, even the teacher, and he and the teacher get to flirting and kinda hit it off??? ps. clumsy was SO GOOD @whereintheworldisspencerreid

a/n: GirlDad!Spencer !! also, no maeve arc because this is happy spence

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Content Warning: nothing ?

Word Count: 2.1k

Masterlist Navigation

Like clockwork, Spencer was tucking in his six-year-old daughter into bed at 7:45, making sure there were no monsters before reciting a few chapters of Anne of Green Gables to her.

"Daddy, do you remember what tomorrow is?" Maisie asked, brown curls spilling out against the pillow in a way he knew would mean he had to brush out knots in the morning.

Everyone saw how much they looked alike, with the same big brown eyes that made him love his own. Maisie looked at things with the same wonder that Spencer had since he was a child, intrigued by the world. Unlike his eyes, hers hadn't known anything but innocence, and he would do everything he could to make sure they remained that way.

Spencer absolutely knew the answer to Maisie's question. If not for his flawless memory for written words and near-perfect recall of spoken words, then because he could recall everything his little girl has ever said.

Still, he thought on it for a moment, drawing out the suspense. "Hmm? Is it your birthday?" He guessed.

She pulled her head off the pillow, shaking her head. "You're silly." She giggled. It had always been the purest sound he'd ever heard, aural gold.

"Is it... the day I get to come into school with you?" Spencer asked, pretending he was guessing and that the date hadn't been circled in his calendar for weeks.

Eagerly, she nodded. "Uh-huh."

"And are you excited?" Spencer questioned. From the look on her face, he already had an answer that filled him with joy.

"Very." She replied, laying back against the bed. "You can meet Ms. L/n, who's my teacher."

He nodded, enthusiastic about meeting anyone who Maisie talked about as much as she did her new teacher. It seemed like the woman could do no wrong in the child's eyes who idolized her, and he was curious about whether or not she lived up to the praise.

"Okay, but you've got to get lots of sleep tonight, so you have enough energy." Spencer reminded her.

Maisie softly nodded, shuffling around in her bed to get comfortable. "Love you, daddy." She mumbled, eyes closing.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead, stroking her hair gently. "I love you, too, princess."

The very next morning, Spencer made sure he looked nice. He'd always felt inadequate about being a father, even though he knew families looked different. There was something about being a single father to a six-year-old at 30 that made him feel the need to prove he was a good father to other parents.

As well as getting judged by the parents, Spencer was worried about Maisie. She said things were going well at school, that she had friends and people to play with during recess, but he couldn't help thinking she lied to keep him less stressed. It was a sweet lie she was alright with telling if she could see he was anxious. He had no idea kids could make such good profilers.

"Got your water bottle, Mais?" Spencer asked her while she put her homework book into the sunshine-colored backpack Aunt Penelope had gotten her.

"Yup, and I got two snacks, so you can have one," Maisie informed him with a smile.

All morning she'd been talking about the fact they got pizza for lunch on the special day. There was nothing he loved more than seeing her excitement, how her eyes got wider as she spoke a million words a minute.

"Thank you." He replied, gathering up the rest of his things and putting them in his satchel. "Okay, get your shoes, and then we'll go."

She did just that, going off to find the black converse that matched her father's, those little mismatched socks treading across the floor. Spencer sat her on the couch, doing the laces for her not because she couldn't do them himself but because he liked doing it for her.

After they left the apartment, they were off to the elementary school. Of course, there was a stop for coffee before Maisie did some more singing in the car. Punctual as usual, they arrived right on time.

Instead of walking Maisie in and leaving her there, Spencer stayed with her in the first-grade classroom. The classroom was bright, with colorful decorations and art all over the walls. Lots of books which he liked to see, but also art supplies. He was shocked in the best way by how many friends she had. It was everything he wished he had as a kid, and if Maisie didn't have a mom, did it really matter when she was so happy?

Out of place, he stood there awkwardly while she ran around and talked to her friends. She brought them over to him, introducing them all.

"Is this your dad?" One of her friends asked before she could properly introduce them.

Proudly, Maisie nodded. "Are you the really, really smart one?" Another friend asked, tipping her head to the side like she was trying to figure out how he looked so human-like.

A quick glance at Maisie told Spencer all he needed to know. The truth was that she had most definitely been bragging about him to anyone that would listen.

"I guess." Spencer ambiguously answered, like an unsub, but instead, he was dodging questions from kids- some of which couldn't write complete sentences.

"Maisie says you know everything." A little girl claimed suspiciously. Spencer thought it fascinating such undeveloped brains were already able to question information and think critically for themselves. "Can you count by 2s?"

Ah, he should have seen that one coming. Of course, they wanted to quiz him. That was the point of 'bring your parent to school' days. "Yes," Spencer confirmed. "2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20."

They all looked incredibly impressed with his recitation. "See, I told you." Maisie beamed, happy to have proved her point. She reached out to hold his hand. "He knows all of Math. I actually think he invented it."

Her admission made him fight off a giggle. "Wanna show me the fun ways you do math?" Spencer suggested, getting ahead of the bombardment of questions he could feel coming on.

After she showed him around, Spencer got the displeasure of socializing with other adults. His awkward conversations were fraught with narratives from other parents about rumors Maisie had told- the worst thing was, most of her bragging was correct, and he was left trying to convince them he wasn't responsible for the grandiose sense of self-

Then came Ms. L/n, who was much younger than he expected. That wasn't the first thing he noticed, though. The way every childs' eyes lit up told him everything he needed to know. If brutally honest kids adored her, he trusted himself to as well.

It was almost the end of the day, and Spencer thought he got away with not talking to any other adults when Maisie pulled him over to introduce him to her favorite -and-only- teacher.

"Ms. L/n, this is my dad." She introduced the two adults who shook hands.

She wasn't at all what Spencer expected. Pretty, which wasn't a reason to like someone, but it was a fact. What he liked more was what he'd seen all day, how invested she was in each kid. She saw them as individuals, tiny humans with their own personalities instead of minds she could control.

"Spencer." Ms. L/n apparently already knew his name, but hearing it in her sweet tone made him smile. It was a tone he figured she kept just with the kids, but now he was discovering it wasn't. "I'm Y/n." She gave him her first name.

"It's nice to meet you," Spencer replied, glancing down at Maisie, who was grinning up at him while holding his hand. He knew that mischievous smile meant she was up to something, but he couldn't figure out what.

She smiled lightly at that. "You too. You're all Maisie talks about."

"Really?" He asked, more to his daughter.

Maisie's nods were vigorous. "Do you think he's handsome, Ms. L/n? That's what Aunt Penelope says."

If he had been drinking, Spencer would have spat out whatever was in his mouth, completely shocked about her directness. He was definitely going to get Penelope back for that. Y/n, on the other hand, didn't seem to be phased by the question, probably used to it. He expected her to agree with the kid without much thought, but she didn't.

Instead, she looked at Maisie before looking back up at Spencer, meeting his eyes. "Yeah, definitely." She confessed with a different type of smile on her face and heat in her cheeks.

"I'm going to play." Maisie declared, dropping Spencer's hand and leaving them in an awkward situation.

"I'm sorry, I don't know where she got her bluntness from." Spencer was quick to apologize, although he knew Maisie liked getting to the point like he did.

Y/n shook her head. "I don't mind it." He still didn't look like he believed her. "Honestly, I'm so used to it. Do you want to sit?" She was not about to miss the opportunity to get to know Maisie's dad who was far more attractive than she anticipated. Why she thought he wouldn't be gorgeous was a mystery to her.

"Yeah, I'd love to." Spencer agreed, trying to convince himself he was doing it because he wanted to get to know who Maisie spent her time with, not because he personally thought she was amazing.

Somehow, the switch from standing to sitting was awkward. Having a kid, Spencer had discovered, was like having a dog in that it was the ultimate conversation filler.

As he watched the little girl play with her friends, Y/n spoke. "I'm sure you know this, but she's amazing."

"I've got lots of support." Spencer humbly explained.

"I've heard that, too." She agreed. "But you're her hero, you know? She tells all her friends how awesome you are. Last week she couldn't stop talking about how you won some baseball game. After she told me about how smart you are, I didn't know you could be an athlete as well, Doctor."

There was something in her voice that sounded flirty, and Spencer wasn't sure if it was just her personality or if she genuinely was flirting with him.

"I'm n-not an athlete. Not at all." Spencer confessed. "Actually, I was terrible at t-ball when I was a kid."

She giggled, finding the way he talked, just like Maisie did, amusing when it came from an adult. "You hit a home run if I've not been fed false information."

Spencer wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve someone that bragged about him so much, both positively and negatively. "I did." He answered, ducking his head slightly while he blushed bright red.

"See, athlete!" She claimed, making them both laugh.

When it died down, Spencer had a much more important question. "She's okay, though? Like she has friends?"

Y/n couldn't nod fast enough. "So many, just look at her." She directed his attention away from her and back to the girl getting chased around the playground. He was quickly learning that Y/n was the type of person it was hard to look away from. "She's a joy to have in class, too, and I'm not meant to have favorites... but she definitely is."

"Thank you," Spencer said, meaning it deeply. "I worry that I'm not-"

"Don't." Y/n shook her head. "You're definitely more than enough."

He wasn't sure what else to do but smile, thankful that someone so kind was teaching Maisie. Not only was she kind to his kid, but she was also kind to him.

"I was going to say I worry that I'm not impressive enough, but I've been proven wrong." He joked, immediately earning a laugh from her.

"And you're funny, too." She added complementarity. "Maisie wasn't kidding when she said you're the perfect boyfriend."

Again, he was in complete shock. Penelope was, without a doubt, responsible. His face displayed surprise, but his brain thought of something else. Instead of apologizing like he usually would, he went for a different strategy. "To you or just in general? Because I'd prefer the former, but I'll take the latter."

"Maybe I'll tell you at your next baseball game or over coffee sometime. Maisie says you drink lots of it," Y/n suggested, flashing him a wink that made her intentions clear.

To his surprise, Spencer was equally as excited when he left the school as he was when he arrived. Maisie was slightly suspicious, even more so when Y/n showed up a few months later with a book she recognized from her father's desk

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blindmagdalena · 2 years ago

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I am curious to ask, this question has been haunting me for ages but would Homelander care about Ryan just as much had he been born without powers? I mean I feel like he would be pretty disappointed and feel conflicted between having a son but a son who is a "mud person" from his genes, I could also see Homelander maybe considering injecting Ryan with Compound V. Never really being able to accept his son bring human. I bring this up because I keep seeing platonic father Homelander with human daughter s/o (Platonic mind you) and I just don't think he'd be very loving to a human child from him. I could see him sorta seeing them as a runt of the litter so to speak. Your thoughts?

suuuuch a tough question to answer. honestly, one of my theories for season 4 is that Butcher may attempt to "de-supe" Ryan in order to wipe away some of the shine on him from Homelander's eye. it feels a very Butcher line of thinking to have, assuming Homelander only cares about Ryan so long as he's a supe. from Butcher's point of view, it may be the only thing that ultimately allows Ryan to live a normal life, and obviously it would very much be Butcher's preference.

back to the point, Homelander's first question about his child was "was it a boy?" but i think this question is more nuanced than just 'he wanted a son.' i think he asked this because vogelbaum is describing to Homelander what we the audience see; the baby had laser vision and freakish strength. Homelander wasn't JUST asking if the baby was a boy, he was asking if this baby was him.

Homelander needed it to be true. he needed Ryan to be him. he's extremely defensive about Ryan experiencing any of the same traumas he did, but from the very beginning he's also wildly sensitive to any implication that Ryan is anything less than a god. anything less than he is. part of this is due to Homelander seeing Ryan as an extension of himself; a means to heal his inner child. give himself the life he deserved through his perfectly super child. just like he was confident Ryan was as tough as him and could definitely fly, despite zero evidence, i do think he would be extremely confident Ryan, were he born normal, would survive a round of V, and have all his dads same power. i can see him trying to convince Ryan of accepting it. could Homelander accept Ryan as a human? maybe not as enthusiastically as he did in canon, but I also don't think Homelander would be able to abandon his own child. not after what happened to him.

now, with all that in mind, had the baby been a daughter... i think that would have completely changed the role she plays in Homelander's psyche. in terms of his emotional healing, it would instead put him in the forward facing role as her father, and what that would mean for his future and growth, rather than what her experiences mean for his inner child healing.

i think the introduction of a daughter would elicit that reaction in him whether she was a supe or not. Homelander is vicious towards humans broadly speaking, but he's not immune to caring about them as individuals. i think any child of Homelander is still inherently better to him than any other person simply by virtue of being his. i think a non-supe child would be less of a runt and more of a... pet. not his equal, but above the others.

ALL that aside, we can theorize to our hearts content based on the writing we have what Homelander may or may not think/do with a human child, but in the end we don't have a precedent for it, so it's entirely up to interpretation, and what stories we as the fandoms want to see/engage with. i think the reason we see so much dadlander content is because we have daddy issues it's fun to engage with! it's as much a fantasy as any of the romantic x reader content i write. people read fanfic for all kinds of things, and girldad's are a common trope in fan communities for a reason. it's endearing, we love them, and it tells a good story. Homelander is consistently shown loving people for what emotional need they fulfill in him. we've seen supes and humans alike in those roles for him. he may have a bias against humans, but it's undeniable that he still craves the validation and love of them nonetheless. the hatred he feels for humanity is a defense mechanism for his own feelings of abandonment, isolation and rejection in childhood. his conversation with mirrorlander illustrates these conflicting feelings perfectly.

#phew this got long i'm sorry i'm a little stoned lmao #also s/o means significant other right?? people aren't using that for familial content are they? or am i using it wrong #anyways thanks for the question!#i have a lot of thoughts and hopes for what season 4 is going to give us re: the relationship between ryan and homelander #i'm also deeply nervous about it dfghjkl #homelander meta #the boys meta #s4 speculation

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1kook · 4 years ago

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A COLLECTION [ updated: 8 . 23 . 21 ]

—NETFLIX & CHILL.

summary If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality. warnings smut in the forms of grinding, oral (f), cum eating, vanilla unprotected sex, dirty talk misc use of the oldest trick in the book (“your hands are sooo big”), shy oblivious AND gentleman jk? pick a struggle, brief ment of app developer kook, evil and conniving oc word count 10.2k posted june 12, 2020

—HULU & WOOHOO.

summary But there’s more important matters to attend to than Jungkook’s Jersey Shore boner. warnings slight feelings of insecurity, smut in the forms of fingering, cunnilingus, cum eating, squirting, hand jobs, unprotected sex, riding, slight praise kink misc if you’re not a Jersey shore fan honestly GET OUT, mentions of capitalism😡, more kind/understanding kook, basically a “what are we?” fic but silly, irresponsible emailing habits, its so dumb just read word count 6.3k posted july 4, 2020

—IMAX & CLIMAX.

summary The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack. warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, tit play, praise kink, standing sex, unprotected sex, reverse cowgirl (? kinda), daddy kink that morphs into ily kink misc jk is an avid history channel viewer, jk hates Barbie movies ik we took an L today girls 😔, jk goes thru like 4 personality changes (commanding > soft > mean > in love), honestly idk what to tag it’s a mess, he’s still cheesy and romantic but also 👀 just read word count 9.8k posted august 5, 2020

—KISSANIME & FOREPLAY.

summary You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings mentions of hentai, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 word count 8.2k posted september 1, 2020

—DISNEY+ & BUST.

summary There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. warnings arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of humiliation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment (? idk lol), unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, the return of mean jk, desperate jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf misc angst, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count 13k posted september 9, 2020

—ESPN & BDSM.

summary You would like to personally thank every loud-mouthed, ESPN commentator out there for saving you from Jungkook’s dangerous seduction skills. warnings smut in the forms of brief femdom, handcuffs, nipple clamps, blindfolding, flogging/use of a riding crop, soft dom kook, cunnilingus, spitting, unprotected but passionate, degradation, as always it starts horny n then turns into I love u kink misc kook has a swollen ankle so idk how he did all this, jk abuses the fuck outta pet names part 7, revenge gone wrong tbh, this was honestly a beginner’s intro to vanilla bdsm word count 12.7k posted september 14, 2020

—YOUTUBE & USE LUBE.

summary You can’t believe this is Jungkook’s preferred sick day treatment; YouTube, cuddles, and an ugly amount of lube. warnings smut in the forms of nipple play, handjobs, spit kink, face riding, unprotected, flavored warming lube, riding, praise kink, soft femdom, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, tit sucking, tit fucking, more jk has an impreg kink, oh and this is all subby kook misc domesticity baby!! fluff, soft scenes /.\, jk is sick:((, doyeon is A Doctor, yn sees an opportunity and she grabs it, surprise ending <3 word count 8.7k posted september 30, 2020

—VIKI & HICKEYS.

summary Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air. warnings a little hurt + a lot of comfort, mentions of cheating!villain!jin, insecure!kook, emotional breakdowns, mentions of jk’s lonely past, jk cries :( smut in the forms of making out, eating out, fingering, clit play, hickeys, jk likes cum, double orgasm, squirting, tiny praise kink, blindfolding, rough + unprotected sex, doggy style, choking!!!, breeding/impreg kink, JEALOUS KOOK, mini hand kink, a lil bit of spanking, degradation, he gets progressively meaner lol oc cries, jk is a good boy n I want him to be happy misc there’s a lot of fuckin plot omfg -_-, it’s Valentine’s Eve!, doyeon makes Some Points, mentions of park seojoon juicy ass, they go on a d8 😳, oc like rlly wants to marry him, oc commits double phone homicide word count 16.3k posted january 14, 2021

—PEACOCK & SWEET TALK.

summary “I wanna watch Solange in Bring It On,” Jungkook smiles, and you have to wonder who exactly this blond man is and what he did with your teen-movie-hating boyfriend. warnings smut in the forms of kissing, cunnilingus (eating out + fingering), light praise, a lil body worship, jk fat cawk, brief nipple play, playful jk, unprotected sex, riding and missionary, the jk hand kink, I love you kink, jk wants nudes, jk’s cheerleader fantasies mentioned, spit kink, light choking, jk has like a scent kink (?), mention of collars and pet play misc app developer jk becomes even MORE app developer-y, oc is anti-google, there's plot, a 2 year anniversary, Solange knowles appreciation, BLOND JK!!!, gets sappy for a sec, seahorse marriage mention, doyeon x joon side pairing, jk is disgustingly dreamy and oc is threatened by that fact word count 10.7k posted march 23, 2021

— CRUNCHYROLL & RAIL.

summary Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. warnings smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… misc fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality word count 8.7k posted may 21, 2021

—FUNIMATION & PROCREATION.

summary Never mind your upcoming wedding, this was perhaps the greatest moment of your life— the day Jungkook sought out an anime on his own. warnings kissing, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, cum eating, mentions of anal, doggy style, unprotected sex with the intention of pregnancy, spitting, hand holding<3 misc the wedding night, Doyeon strikes again, jjk watches jjk, oh no not twins word count 9.1k posted july 31, 2021

—BOOMERANG AND BANG.

coming soon

—COOKIES & CREAM.

summary Jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy Christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (And maybe having his dick sucked.) warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, face fucking, cum facials, fingering, overstim, double orgasm, r*mantic sex, riding, unprotected, cream pies, jk does this weird thing where he licks her face yeah idk, jk loves seeing his gf cry, jk has an obsession with jizz misc jk pov !!, eggnog slander, jk hates xmas movies, oc dresses like a sexy mrs claus, Elf !!, jk is in loooove word count 7.1k posted december 23, 2020

— TUTUS & TIARAS.

summary your first pregnancy through the lens of your husband warnings smut in the forms of penetrative sex, sex while pregnant, unprotected sex, tit play, cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, sticking the tip in and jacking off/cockwarming?, creampies, nose kink (? like she grinds against his nose), infatuation with scent, frottage/grinding, lactation kink, titluvr jk [bass boosted] misc married ncouple <3, domesticity, jk pov, mood swings, pregnancy, GIRLDAD!JK, DILF!JK, pregnant!reader, jk’s kids are virgos its true word count 10k posted august 23, 2021

— one.

summary Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same. word count 1.3k posted September 10, 2020

—two.

summary Even after all these years, all these doubts, and all this solitude that was really no one’s fault but his own, he still finds himself hoping that maybe you’ll be the one. word count 1k posted september 11, 2020

—three.

summary But Jungkook loves the sun. word count 1.5k posted september 12th, 2020

—four.

summary For the last ten minutes or so his mind has been bothered by one thing and one thing only— the hair that hung in his face. word count 800 words posted september 22, 2020

—five.

summary Startled and inexperienced, he can’t do anything but rub his hands over your back. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he murmurs, even though it’s not. word count 1.3k posted september 22, 2020

—six.

SUMMARY Jungkook enjoyed pushing you down, indulging you in all your little fantasies, but he too had some he wanted to live out. WC 1.8k POSTED september 25, 2020

—seven.

summary And lastly, Jungkook will bring it full circle by indulging you two in some good old fashion spooky sex where he nuts inside you because the only thing scarier than a scary movie is a pregnancy scare. It’s a perfect plan. word count 2k posted october 30, 2020

—eight.

summary You always do this— always ask for more. You take and you take until there’s nothing left for Jungkook to give. But Jungkook is the same. word count 1.9k posted december 28, 2020

—nine.

summary “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” word count 2.2k posted january 8 2021

—ten.

summary See, there’s no one in this world who ignores his house rules more than you. Even worse, there’s no one on this planet who can make Jungkook ignore his own rules like you do. word count 1.4k posted february 14, 2021

—eleven.

summary You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small. word count 1.2k posted may 3, 2021

—twelve.

summary Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. word count 1.4k posted may 8th, 2021

—thirteen.

summary Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today. word count 1k posted june 13, 2021

—fourteen.

summary Jungkook needs you to know that you can always count on him. word count 1.3k posted july 6, 2021

—fifteen.

summary It’s Jungkook’s teenage fantasy— being pushed down by a cheerleader. word count 3.1k posted august 9, 2021

— sixteen.

summary Your skin is warm and smells like sunshine. Jungkook can’t really explain it. (And also like the sunscreen you had doused him in earlier, but that isn’t as romantic.) word count 1.9K posted august 11, 2021

—seventeen.

summary She looks his way and suddenly Jungkook is nineteen again, in his dorm, listening to the first person he ever thought he loved telling him he’s too much to handle. word count 1.6k posted august 18, 2021

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cute and cozy gif by the lovely @ladyartemesia

LASTLY:

#jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk smut #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook fic #ncml #mine

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hauntscreation · 3 years ago

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more fun small outsider headcanons:

* he's more likely to have girls #girldad

* technically, he's a total wreck, having been forced to adapt to environment unnatural to him; the true heirs of the void would be his children, who would be most accustomed to the void and how it intertwines with their spirit. they would be the most powerful beings to ever exist due to that perfect balance!

* doesn't do his hair after waking. always thinks it's perfect as is!

* if offered the opportunity, would be a poet under the name oliver. no surname.

#tbt.#officially mobile hi people

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lakersworld · 5 years ago

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‘My beloved Kobe’: Lower Merion coach Gregg Downer pens essay on Kobe Bryant’s passing.⁣

⁣

My favorite sports moments came during the 20 years of soaking up every second of my idol’s — my hero’s — Lakers career. My beloved Kobe Bryant.⁣

⁣For two decades, I kept West Coast time as Kobe ascended to greatness and perfected what he’d started at Lower Merion. I learned to get by on five hours of sleep while Kobe became the greatest champion and most feared competitor of his generation.⁣

⁣I saw Kobe’s air balls in Utah, his buzzer-beaters, his 81-point game, the rings and near misses. I witnessed his absolute greatness as a player. And I did so with immense pride, recalling the journey we took together to win a state title in Lower Merion, a journey in which he taught me how to win and pushed me to be the best coach I could be.⁣

⁣When asked by some stray reporter for the 50th time if I would ever have another Kobe Bryant, the answer was simple, and it will always be the same: absolutely no way.⁣

The moments we spent together were even more special. I shot free throws with him at the old Forum before practices. I swam and ate a few meals with him at his house overlooking the Pacific. I traveled to games all over the country, including the Finals series against Indiana, Orlando, Boston, and, of course, Philly. We exchanged e-mails about strategy. I worked his basketball camps. I introduced him annually to current Aces players.⁣

⁣And in a private moment, deep in the halls of Lower Merion High School, he became one of the first to know a dream of mine was about to come true. My beautiful wife, Colleen, was pregnant. We stopped in front of Room 225 for an embrace I will never forget. He was so happy for me. And I was so happy he was there.⁣

My father died, at 89, last fall. He also watched 20 years of Kobe’s play — 24, if you include high school — and it helped strengthen the bond between us. Dad would tape the late games and watch them in the morning. If we felt Kobe had an off night, we simply erased the DVR.⁣

Every morning, when I called my dad, most conversations would start with "Did you see what Kobe did last night?” I can’t imagine Dad’s shock when Kobe entered heaven on Jan. 26. I hope they are buddies and watching old game tapes together.⁣

The memorial at Staples was a Mount Rushmore of basketball experiences. If the premise had been different, if the celebration had been for lives present instead of lives past, it would have been the pinnacle of my career.⁣

⁣I’d been looking forward to that moment at next summer’s Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame induction. It would have been a joyous reunion and the moment of a basketball lifetime for a scrawny kid from Media, Pa., who never could have imagined he’d one day coach the NBA’s biggest and brightest star.⁣

⁣At the memorial ceremony, I hugged Kobe’s sisters and parents tight, and the tears never stopped. Vanessa’s speech was one of courage, resilience, and leadership. Although I don’t know her, I was so proud of her. Kobe would have loved her toughness and resolve and would have demanded she fight on for their three other daughters.⁣

With the world hanging on her every word, Vanessa gave a beautiful, intimate remembrance of Kobe and Gianna. Diana Taurasi and Sabrina Ionescu symbolized Kobe’s immense pride and passion in being a #girldad and made it clear that Gianna was developing into another Mamba. They thought that she would one day be in the WNBA. This was not idle speculation. Gianna could have been whatever she wanted to be and had the perfect father to guide her dreams.⁣

⁣I knew before many that Kobe’s real dream was to be the next Michael Jordan. We talked about it often as he developed from age 13 to 17, and you could clearly see it in his mannerisms, his imitations. Michael was a huge part of his identity.⁣

Jordan’s speech was iconic, just like the man himself. With tears pouring down his face, the ever-so-stoic and prideful Jordan — he of the six championship rings Kobe so relentlessly chased — acknowledged that Kobe was his little brother and that Kobe was an amazing player. Kobe had to have been smiling ear to ear from the heavens as his hero validated his greatness and gave him his due. I hope Kobe and Gianna shared that incredible moment.⁣

Most have no idea the work that went into Kobe’s chase of Michael’s acceptance and full respect. And I’m sure Kobe still wants M.J. one-on-one when he eventually joins him in heaven. Michael had better remember to bring his sneakers.⁣

The speeches have ended, but for me the essential question still remains: How do I move forward from this horrific tragedy? I am a teacher, coach, father, and husband. I, like many, am not sure I have the answers right now.⁣

Memories and flashbacks are everywhere at Lower Merion. Ten months each year, six days a week, I coach in the gym Kobe built. He can pop into my head at any moment. One morning, I spontaneously dropped and did 24 push ups for no apparent reason.⁣

Kobe needs his high school coach to be strong. My current players need it. My students need it. I need to continue to affect players and students in a positive way, as I’ve been trying my best to do for 30 years. Kobe needs me to stand tall and sharpen my resolve. The ceremony helped, but I miss my hero immensely.⁣

⁣I have a beautiful 7-year old daughter named Brynn Riley. She is my pride and joy. Every time Kobe saw her, he picked her up and hugged her tight. We smiled ear to ear, as did Brynn. He held her like his own.⁣

The “girl dad” movement Kobe ignited is something that now feels tangible to me. Maybe that’s the lasting connection to Kobe I need. Brynn comes to my games. She alternates between cheerleading and actually helping coach the team. She brings a clipboard. She comes to the film studies and all the pep talks. Her favorite activity after big wins is soaking her dad with water during locker-room parties. She recently made her first basket on a 10-foot hoop and completed two weeks of my summer basketball camp without complaint.⁣

We swim together, have sleepovers by the fireplace, do gymnastics, soccer, and baseball together. And recently, our favorite activity is our own version of backyard NFL football: Eagles vs. Patriots. Much to our delight, the Eagles always win, even if her extra points are a little low off the back fence. We laugh together and cry together through all aspects of life.⁣

⁣Like any parent, I want Brynn to have a great, successful, healthy life. She can be whatever she wants to be, and I want more than anything else to be the girl dad who helps and guides her through the good and bad. Kobe’s love for his girls, his legacy as a father, strengthens me. The bond we shared in raising our daughters is the greatest gift of our relationship. It’s what inspires me most.⁣

My players know I like to choose short phrases and collections of words to motivate and guide us during the season. I am going to focus on three words for my own motivation and peace of mind: courage, resilience, and love. Coaches need a game plan. For the first time since Jan. 26, I feel I have one.⁣

⁣

Gregg Downer as told to Mike Sielski | via Inquirer ⁣

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#lakers #losangeleslakers #lakernation #lakeshow #kobe #purpleandgold #blackmamba #kobebryant #nba #lakersworld16

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