#he would do all the scary surgeries that make the other doctors nervous :3

[nshtn]

would anyone be interested in an au where wesker is a doctor for a very small town near the arklays' hospital... its like s.t.a.r.s but indefinite and he would be the medical director...

[sillytaetime]

Hi! I never did smth like this before but I'm at hospital and not feeling comfortable! I would like a reaction with seventeen when you go through a surgery!! Just how they would be nervous about it but by your side ou sending texts

You decide ot13 or just hoshi or hyung line ☺️

Thanks

Of course! I'll do the hyung line right now (bc I am working on other things). I hope you're doing well. I hate hospitals so I know how you feel!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seventeen Reaction: When their gf (you) goes through surgery.

S.Coups:

He would be worried. You called him saying you were going into surgery and the entire time he was freaking out. He kept his phone near him at all times until he got a call from you saying that you were ok. As soon as he knew you were good, he made his way to the hospital so he could comfort you (bc he knows how scary hospitals can be).

Jeonghan:

He feels sympathy for you. He’s recently gone through a surgery for his elbow, so this isn’t anything new to him. He will not leave your side. (Until the doctors make him) if you’re there for a couple days, he stays there overnight in case anything happens, he wants to be there and make you feel comfortable.

Joshua:

Shua would be very supportive and never leave your side. He's worried, but he won't show it because he doesn't want to scare you. He wants you to be ok and he will not go anywhere unless you need something. Holds your hand as they wheel you back to surgery and and waits in the waiting room until he's told he can come see you after your surgery. Get yourself a Josh <3

Jun:

Probably the most impatient person on this planet. Idk why but I get the feeling that he'd be asking the doctors a lot of questions. "Jun, stop bombarding the doctors with questions and let them do their job!" "Ok Y/N, but I just have 1 more question!" He might start stressing out the closer your surgery gets and it might stress you out but as soon as he realizes your stressed he calms down and tries to help you get comfortable. Also holds your hand going back to surgery <3

Hoshi:

He's not one for public displays of affection but.. before you go back to your surgery, when you start getting nervous, he's like "omggg🥺 my babyyy it's going to be ok. I'll be right here when you get out of surgery and I'll bring you your favorite snacks for being so brave." He just wants you to calm down and not freak out so much. Doesn't show it, but once your back at surgery, he starts freaking out and hopes that you get through the surgery well.

Wonwoo:

Omgg cutieee🥺 If you start to really freak out this man just... casually climbs onto your hospital bed and cuddles you. The doctors let it happen because he's not doing any harm, he's just cuddling his baby. When it's time to go back to surgery, holds your hand pt3. Never sits down while your in surgery. He just paces back and forth in the waiting room. When you get out of surgery, he has your favorite movie and snacks and you two cuddle and watch the movie on his computer<3

Woozi:

Literally just tries to keep your mind off of the fact your in a hospital. Your room is decorated with cute pictures of the two of you and some streamers (The doctors think it's cute). He pulls up a chair so he can sit next to your hospital bed and plays the guitar and blesses you with his vocals before your surgery. While your in surgery, he writes a short little song verse about you and sings it to you as soon as your out of surgery. Get yourself a jihoon <3

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I think all of them would be fairly nervous but they wouldn't want to make you more nervous so they just try to distract themselves and you at the same time. Trying to distract you from the surgery and overall, be amazing boyfriends.

I hope this is what you wanted, I kinda just started writing and then I couldn't stop so I hope I didn't get off track at all 😬

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~Kara💖

[yabaina]

12/03/21 5G Recovery

So, first of all, Hiromu says he can’t participate in matches for 6 months but he’ll keep updating his youtube channel. 

He snapped all three pectoral muscles (pectoralis major rupture) . He had the option of not getting surgery but then he wouldn’t make a full recovery and there could be complications. So he’ll need to get surgery and after that he’ll have to go through 3 months of recovery and  months of reeducation/building back his muscle.

He was doing the Brainbuster move, lifting up when he heard a snapping noise and went “what was that right now?” It wasn’t extremely painful, it was more of a “ouch what was that” moment. At first he thought he had dislocated his shoulder and he told referee Ueno that he thought it had popped back into place. Of course with his actual injury, that was not what actually happened. 

He didn’t think he had ruptured anything so he went on without doing anything about it for 2 days, although it hurt a bit. But since the pain was lessening he thought it might be healing. He still went to get it checked. 

Since not being able to appear in the matches is hard for him, when he was told the surgery was optional, for a moment he thought about going to the show on february 28th. He thought his injury wasn’t that serious at first because wrestlers often get hurt but he looked it up at home that day, and realised it was on the serious side, since he’d snapped three muscles. That's when he decided he’d better get the surgery. 

His dream is to wrestle in Tokyo Dome as the Main évent while wearing both the IWGP Jr belt and the IWGP heavyweight belt.

He was in a situation where he had to choose between going to the match that would take him one step closer to this dream and gambling with his entire future in case the injury worsened. 

It’s an injury where an early surgery is essential to the full recovery and he saw that if he waited too long before his surgery he might never make a 100% recovery.

He says that it can happen to anyone so wrestlers and non-wrestlers alike should be careful. 

Some may say he has bad luck regarding injuries or his breaking trophy curse but he wants to be positive about it. He wants to broadcast prowrestling through all sorts of means and medias. 

“Give me any job, gimme gimme!” 

His doctor told him that he could just stay at home and brood and despair about his injury and how it affects the others (wrestlers), or he could actively work on his recovery, which would be best because a strong mindset is important when going through such a long recovery. His doctor said “Try new things, have fun. Turn this into an opportunity to do things you couldn’t do before.” 

H: That’s why, if you see me having the time of my life somewhere, please think “Ah Hiromu chan is giving it his all”. I’m going to make this a 5G suspension/absence, I’ll make it the most positive absence yet. Anyway producers please send job offers. Like drama series, or movies, or dramas, or dramas, or CMs, or dramas, or dramas… Anything is fine. (caption: a drama please)

He gets very nervous about anesthesia. He always asks questions like “are you sure I won’t wake up during the procedure? I always try to stay awake, will it still be okay?” He says he’s probably annoying about it. The first time he underwent general anesthesia was in England for his wrist injury and he couldn’t understand what was being said to him. He always fights to stay awake and loses the battle. He says it’s a bit scary because you don’t realise you fell asleep, you just wake up and it’s over. This time, he started hearing his entrance music and was very confused so he asked the doctor if he was hallucinating and was told it was reality. It turns out they play music to relax the patient before an operation. He also watched a bit of the operation through video afterwards. He’s impressed that surgeons know how to differentiate one muscle from the other. He can’t show us that video bc youtube won’t allow it, it’s too gory.

Also he cooked this at home apparently.

[zephyr-together]

it’s been exactly one month since top surgery! here’s a summary of what all went down! disclaimer: please do not feel that you need to feel pressured to remember things from this post or any other, your doctor should instruct you on the most important things to do or not do, and also this is my experience and everyone’s will be different! 

I saw Dr. Kenneth Wolf! I highly recommend him if you’re in the area or able to get to him, very skilled and very cheap (only was $5400, $5900 if you get nipple grafts which I ended up deciding not to have) there is a 250 lb weight limit though, they weigh you the day of surgery so if you’re unsure if you’ll be able to make it I’d suggest seeing a surgeon who operates more on plus sized folks

he was/is SUPER booked, I had my consultation in October and had to schedule surgery in June. this made me confident I made the right decision though because of how many people go to him, and having to be stuck in the body I didn’t want for a lot longer than I thought made me more eager to have it so I wasn’t as scared as I would have been otherwise. that being said, it might be smart to ask ahead how long the wait time is so that you can save during that time! because I didn’t know about the wait I had already had most of my money that I got together since last June so I could’ve had it about four months sooner, but hey everything worked out in the end :) 

speaking of saving money, for this doctor there’s a $500 down payment that I paid when I went to the consultation visit (if you’re out of the area they can do consultation over email btw!) the rest was collected about a week and a half before surgery. I have a debit card so it had to be split up in three transactions. I’m very thankful they worked with me on that!

I went into a small room where the doctor met me, marked me up and took my picture. then he said the anesthesiologist would meet me, which she did in a few minutes and went over a bit of questions/paperwork and took me to the operating room! 

I lied down on a table with my arms out, it felt like I was an alien getting vivisected, that combined with my needlephobia made that a bit scary but I’ve been waiting so long so it was exciting too. they had me hooked up to an IV but I think they did that while I was under because I felt the needle go in and then out. and then in a minute I was out! 

I wasn’t aware of this because it was during the surgery but they have a machine to massage your legs to keep up circulation and I had a tube down my throat too. when I woke up the first thing I hear is “the surgery was a success!! :D” and it felt like a weird dream because of anesthesia but in what felt like a few minutes I was almost as awake as normal which was surprising because I was out of it for hours after getting wisdom teeth out so I thought this would be way worse in that way

I had three intense sensations when I woke up: nausea, tightness and hunger. they asked right away if I was nauseous and gave me an alcohol patch to put on my nose which immediately took the feeling completely away. I had a very specific craving for Burger King’s impossible whopper, I think that’s because of not being able to eat I wanted something substantial like meat (vegetarian so closest thing to it) and something QUICK because hungy 

the tightness was pretty intense and unexpected, I felt desperate to rip off my surgical vest but they assured me it’s actually fairly loose. I think it’s just the incisions that give you a tight sensation but what you see and feel on your body is the vest so your brain says that’s the culprit I think. as time went on I ended up feeling desperate for the vest actually but I’ll go into that later

when I got the whopper I’m VERY thankful my dad who met us after picking it up also got the milkshake because I couldn’t produce saliva at all and didn’t know that would happen. I think that’s from having the tube in my mouth. I also could barely hold anything with my left hand because of that being the arm I had the IV in, but both the no saliva and limp left hand things went away in a few hours I think

by the time we got home which was I think an hour and a half after I woke up, I had really intense pain in my throat and under my armpits. the painkillers they gave me eventually kicked in about an hour or so after I took them, I’d suggest to bring them to surgery maybe if possible so you can take them asap, I think I wouldn’t have had that at all if I did, at that level of intensity anyway. for my throat I basically went nuts and drank water, had popsicles, ice cream, fruit, cough syrup, etc and it went away in 2-3 days or so

speaking of the pain under my armpits, that was from the tubes in me to drain extra unwanted blood and puss and stuff like that, it sounds super awful but I wasn’t allowed to remove the vest for five days and I’m naturally sweaty so I didn’t even know there were tubes in me or that I was draining until like four days later. I was stuffed with tons of gauze under the vest so eventually when I did notice the drainage we pulled out the dirty ones and pushed in some clean ones (they provide you with the same kind of gauze). the main awful thing about it was just the idea of having tubes in me, it didn’t bother me so much when I thought it was part of the incision haha...

now that I complained about the tube and throat pain I will say the “pain” for me of the actual incision area was almost nothing for me at all, just a bit of a weird tingly or pokey sensation every so often and that’s all really. but again everyone is different ! 

appetite was funny because it felt like I’d feel really hungry and eat hardly anything and feel good! another post suggested to have pineapple to help with bruising and I think it worked because I ate pineapple constantly and had pretty much no bruising at all

also I hope this isn’t too gross but I couldn’t pee and I was constipated. it wasn’t too much trouble because for the. pee I could just push and it’d come and for constipation that’s a problem that happens for me in general. both took about a week to wear off. they’re side effects of anesthesia I believe. other side effects I had from that were my legs and arms would feel pretty sore at times and my legs were wobbly, they said that I’d need to move my legs around a bit every once in a while to prevent clotting and I got a bit nervous about that so I ended up going for two walks a day! probably not needed to do that much but I think it helped speed up leg recovery 

after that more intense pain was gone after just a few hours I felt fine to watch shows and play viddy games! I thought I’d be zonked out for days or something but I was pretty alert after just a few minutes of coming out like I said. I could’ve probably drawn or made plushies too but it just felt so weird to move my arms at that point and was probably for the best I didn’t and just watched stuff and played games and slept a lot. it felt a bit frustrating how boring it was at times after a week or so but I just focused on how much of my life I’ll feel good now because of this so the recovery time isn’t that bad knowing that

five days after the surgery I had my first post op appointment! this was for the doctor to inspect the incisions, give us ointment to put on the scars and more gauze, and to finally be able to throw away all of the gauze that was under the vest! at this point I was allowed to take off the vest to replace the gauze and put ointment on as well as shower, and was given bandaids to put on the tubes for showering. however the sensation of not having the vest on at this point was SO horrible to me, I felt like a doll that was being pulled and unraveled apart, it made me want to throw up too so I took a shower as fast as possible and then just opted to get my hair shampooed at salons every other day for a couple weeks, so in retrospect I could have not gone five days with no shampoo but nothing can go absolutely perfectly after all!

a couple days later I ran out of oxycodone and tried replacing it with motrin which gave me three vivid nightmares in a row of having really bad fights with my parents and friend over dumb things which sounds silly but it messed me up emotionally and I kept sobbing uncontrollably out of nowhere that I felt like such a burden to take care of. I thought I was just emotional from the surgery but as soon as I switched to tylenol that went away completely! I don’t think it’s that motrin is bad because I looked it up and it’s a rare side effect, it’s just either that my body specifically doesn’t like it or it was the way it was combined with the antibiotic I had 

the second post op was to remove the tubes and it was 13 days after the first post op. they said if you live out of the area you can remove the tubes yourself so I’m very thankful we’re in the area haha. the left tube came out so smooth and quick that I didn’t feel it even come out at all! the second hurt for a second but I think because it kept getting bent backwards but it didn’t hurt too much. the tubes were SUPER wiggly and actually pretty flat so I think they’re constantly improving them to make them less and less noticeable. 

I was told I had to use the bandaids on my holes for showering and keep gauze on them too for just two more days and I could also throw the vest away then. I still felt too sensitive to get rid of the vest yet and wore it for another week, I still have it in case I want it for now (been going without it for about three days at this point) it still feels very strange without it since it feels like it’s holding you together but I think no matter how healed you are it will a shock to your body to not have that on anymore...also the “holes” from the tubes are more like slits which just look like slightly more open areas of the incisions so it’s barely noticeable. there’s some swelling where that used to be but that’s going down! 

now at this point where I’m at, I still feel best putting ointment on with gauze and bandage wraps I bought as a transition from the vest to nothing under the shirt which seems to be working pretty well! it might be that I’m autistic that I’m so sensitive to that feeling and had to have my vest on longer and now this instead of nothing. also I took three weeks off of work initially (I work a desk job) and asked for a couple more weeks of working from home before going back to the office to be able to adjust

also I will say if you live alone, I think you can handle surgery and taking care of yourself if you’re determined, as long as nothing you need to use to feed yourself and whatnot is up too high, too low, or too heavy. but if you can I’d highly suggest staying with someone who can help take care of you, it really helps easy the transition. in my summary I will say there was almost no pain at all but a whole lot of WEIRD stuff I wasn’t used to, but in the end it’s not a whole lot to deal with, considering! 

[hippityhoppitygetofmyproperty]

My Heart Skips a Beat

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil

Ships: LAMP

Trigger Warnings: Unnamed heart condition, Improper medical stuff, Hospitals, Talk of death, Surgery mention, Food mention, Crying (I think that’s it, let me know if I need to add any!)

Genre: Hurt / Comfort

Word Count: 2032

Universe: Human AU

Ao3 link

This is based off of an outline that I saw that I wanted to flesh out. I cannot re-find that outline to give proper credit so please let me know If you know what outline I’m talking about! Anyways, hope you enjoy whatever this turned out to be!

(edit: The outline belongs to @teacupfulofstarshine, give some love to this beautiful person!)

--------------------

When they first started a relationship together, they knew about Patton.

Patton had a heart condition since birth that limits what he can do. But, since he’s had the condition since birth, he knew his limits. His family hoped he knew his limits after passing out and getting rushed to the hospital in middle school. He always told his close friends about it, mainly so they don’t push him too far.

Luckily, his 3 closest friends became his boyfriends.

They would always worry if he was okay, Virgil worrying the most. Whenever he would start to get a little dizzy doing something, Virgil would start asking questions making sure he was okay, Roman would scoop him up princess style and find the nearest seat, and Logan would start checking over him. That didn’t happen very often though, Patton wouldn’t let them worry that much.

Until it did start happening more. It turned from rarely ever to almost weekly,  while doing small things like their evening strolls that didn’t bother him before. They were wall worried about him, Patton was worried about himself. Now, he was standing at the kitchen counter booking an appointment with his doctor.

“Does Friday work for you?” The kind lady on the phone asked.

“Yes, that sounds perfect.” He replied, his tone somehow even despite how scared he was.

“Alright, we’ll see you then. Have a nice day, Mr.Baker.”

“You too.” He hung up the phone and released the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Why must this happen? He has a good family, he has his boyfriends, why must his heart ruin it? It was then he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist.

“How are you doing, love?” Came Logan’s voice from behind.

“I’m fine, I’m just nervous.” He said as he gave way into the hug, the contact being a nice comfort while he dealt with this situation. 

“We all are, to be honest.” His grip tightened on Patton. “Hey, Roman and Virgil are laying out blankets so we can have a movie session.”

“That sounds great.”

Logan led Patton into the living room, where Virgil was fluffing pillows and Roman was shuffling through the Disney movies. Virgil caught sight of Patton and got up to help guide him towards the pull-out couch. He rolled his eyes and giggled slightly over his boyfriends’ concerned antics, but still allowed Virgil to help. Not long after they got Patton situated, Roman let out a small triumphant cry while holding up a movie case and moved over to the DVD player, letting Winnie the Pooh start-up on the screen, then went over to join the cuddle pile on the pull-out couch.

It was nice.

---

They wouldn’t let Patton go to his appointment alone, thought the doctors made them wait outside. They thought it was because of the testing, but it was really because Patton didn’t want them immediately in there if it’s bad news.

After the testing, the doctor told him the results.

Of course it was bad news. His heart condition has worsened.

“Would you like the others to come in? If so, we can discuss options to help correct the situation once they’re in here.” The doctor said.

Patton plastered on a smile, trying to be brave for his loves and not cry.  “Yes, that would be great.”

The doctor opened the door and motioned for Logan, Roman, and Virgil to come in. They immediately sat down next to Patton, in return, they got a small, soft smile.

“First thing’s first, the heart condition has gotten worse, as a result, making it harder for Mr.Baker to do activities that normally would be no problem.” They just nodded in understanding, not really knowing what to say. Virgil scooted closer to Patton so he can rest his head on him. “Though there is a surgery that we can perform to correct the condition.”

You could almost feel Patton’s hopefulness radiating off of him.

“What are the risk, if any?” asked Logan, of course he would think about that.

“That is the bad part. There is a 68% chance of there being further complications or death. Without the surgery, he has a prognosis of around 3-6 months.” The doctor looked at the faces in the room, ranging from disbelief to agony. “I’m just going to step out for a few minutes to allow you all to decide. If you don’t decide now, you can contact the front desk and they’ll direct the call to me to discuss specifications.” On that note, the doctor walked out of the room.

 Patton broke.

Virgil moved Patton on top of him while both Roman and Logan grabbed a hand and rubbed soothing circles into the back of them.

“So what are you going to do?” Roman asked from next to him.

“I think I’m going to do get the surgery.” Patton’s voice was barely louder than a whisper. He could feel Virgil tense behind him.

“You heard the risks though. You know that there is a pretty high probability that you could die or get harmed more.” Came Virgil’s voice, clearly worried. Patton didn’t want them to worry. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything else through his tears, so he just nodded his head and nuzzled closer into Virgil.

Logan was able to find the words Patton couldn’t, “Yes, but Virgil, you heard his prognosis. If he doesn’t take this chance…” His voice trailed off, not really wanting to end that sentence.

The knock of the doctor broke the occurring silence.

“Have you made your decision, or are you going to need to call back?”

Patton nodded and wiped the stray tears off of his face, “Yeah, I’m going to get the surgery.”

“Great. If we move towards the front desk, we can schedule a date.”

After they had a scheduled date for next week, they drove straight home, Roman comforting a crying Patton on his lap and letting a few tears fall himself. Once they got home, Roman carried Patton inside while the other two followed, Virgil got the blankets and Logan pulled out the couch so they could have a proper cuddle pile. Once they got comfy, Patton broke down again and so did his boyfriends, just a bit quieter. 

“I’m just… really scared.” Came Patton’s voice. It sounded so weak and fragile that it broke everyone’s heart even more.

“We understand, puffball,” Roman’s voice sounded thick from worry and tears. “This is a scary situation, you have a right to be scared.”

Patton choked out another sob, “I just don’t want to lose you guys.” At that, everyone tightened their hold on him.

Logan’s voice spoke up for the first time in a while, “You won’t lose us, we’ll make sure of it.” Whether the statement was made out of denial or determination, who knew.

They spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching movies until they eventually passed out while in the middle of Frozen.

When Patton woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was the lack of warmth, the next was hushed murmurings. He shifted a bit so he could find who was making the noise, catching the notice of his boyfriends by doing so. Roman then walked over and picked Patton up to set him down at the table.

“I can walk, you know.”

“Yes, but we’re not allowing you to walk more than you have to, Patty-cake.” Declared the dramatic man as he sat Patton down in a seat.

“Though, we are allowing you to walk every once in a while so you are not at risk of blood clots.” Logan’s voice called out from the stove, the smell of whatever he was making in the air. He then plated whatever it was and set it in the middle of the table.

Virgil took his seat next to Patton and gave the kind man a small squeeze. “We just don’t want you to overexert yourself, Cookie.” The use of their high school nicknames made Patton giggle.

“So, what do ya guys have planned for today. Surely it’s gotta be something interesting by the way you were all whispering.” Patton said as he started to fill his plate with food.

“Well, little Puffball,” Roman started from behind him, “We’re going to be having the best week ever before your surgery, starting with a trip to the shelter so you can play with the dogs.”

“That sounds great!” Patton all but shouted from his spot at the table. A week where he can spend it having fun with his boyfriends, amazing.

---

And amazing it was.

They spent the week making sure it was Patton’s best, going to his favorite places, watching his favorite movies, the absolute best cuddles, and overall made him feel special and loved. The best part though was the final night before the surgery where they blindfolded Patton while leading him to a certain spot. When they removed the blindfold off of Patton, he didn’t know what to say. They had set up a picnic in the park, but the area of the park they were at was what made Patton so speechless.

“Is this-”

“The place where we held our first date? Indeed, it is.” Logan finished for him, which he was grateful for. “We thought it would be nice to have another picnic at the place where it all started.”

“Yeah, who could forget the place where princey ran straight into a tree.” Virgil said, a squeak of defiance could shortly be heard after he received a smack from Roman.

“I think it’s lovely!” Patton looked at the picnic setup on top of the hill… great, a hill. He’s been feeling a bit dizzy from all of the stuff they’ve been doing leading up to the picnic. Before he could ask for help up there, he let out a yelp as Roman picked him up.

The picnic itself was a beautiful time. They had the same thing on their first date, pasta with a side salad, Roman rolled down the hill and ran into the same tree, Virgil started a food fight with everyone, and they ended the night with stargazing.

---

The next day was Patton’s surgery. They all had to wake up early, much to Virgil’s reluctance, to drive him to the hospital so they could prep him. Then they wait.

They were all scared in that waiting room. Why wouldn’t they? Their puffball was in surgery, a surgery that had a high chance of a side effect called death.

Roman went to the cafeteria to get some hot chocolate for everyone at some point, coffee was a no-go with their nerves already on edge, Logan was trying to keep Virgil from burning a hole in the floor, despite possibly being more worried than the ball of anxiety himself, and Virgil was trying to not go through all the different outcomes of the surgery.

After who knows how long, the doctor walked into the waiting room.

Patton’s surgery was a success.

You could practically feel the relief wash over the room.

“He hasn’t woken up yet from the anesthesia, but you are still allowed to wait in his room.” The doctor informed them right before he showed them to Patton’s room.

When they opened the door, their eyes laid on Patton laying in his bed. Unconscious but alive.

---

The first thing Patton registered when he woke up was the bright light, why is it so bright? The next was someone holding his hand. He turned his head to investigate, only for a smile to grace his lips as he saw Virgil passed out while holding his hand. He looked over Virgil’s shoulder to see that Roman and Logan fell asleep in the same chair close by, Roman looking more like a koala with how tight he was holding Logan.

It was a warming sight.

Patton decided not to bother their peace and go back to sleep. The main worry was over, he survived and now he can live his life with his wonderful boyfriends. He let that be his thought process as he drifted off to sleep surrounded by his loves.

[kerikaaria]

If I Never Met You: Chapter 23

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Some angst, fluff

WC: 3k

Warnings: None

Series Masterlist

Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24

Joon and I sat in the hallway outside while they did some testing to find out why Yoongi was in so much pain. I stared at my hands sitting in my lap, picking at my cuticles. My mind was empty save for one thing – Yoongi.

Namjoon placed a hand on my shoulder, making me jump a little as he brought me out of my trance. “Noona, he’ll be okay,” he said. “I’m sure of it.”

I could tell he was nervous just like I was, but he was doing what he did best as the group’s leader and staying calm and collected when his member (and even I) needed him. I had done the same up until now, but now that I was sitting down and able to process what was going on it was extremely hard to keep my emotions from flooding my mind.

“I-I know Joonie,” I replied with a half-hearted smile as I tried to hold back the anxiety I could feel creeping on me.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder to pull me into his embrace, which instantly curbed the sinking feeling of anxiety, even if I didn’t feel completely better. Maybe because he was being the strong one, it made me feel like I didn’t need to be. I was their manager, I needed to stay calm and focused. But it was so hard, not knowing what was wrong with someone so important to me.

“I just…” I hesitated, trying to not mindlessly ramble. “It’s scary. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. To any of you.”

“Nothing’s going to happen, noona,” he said. “I’m sure it’s nothing major.”

I just nodded, not wanting to say anything else in fear of my mouth running away from me, and my mind with it. We stayed just like that, Namjoon holding me in his comfortable arms for a few more minutes until the door opened. The nurse signaled for the two of us to enter the room.

Yoongi’s test was done and he was now sitting in the wheelchair he was given since he could hardly support his own weight. Although by now, the painkiller they had immediately given him seemed to have kicked in at least enough where he wasn’t visibly in pain. I stood next to him, reaching for his hand which he let me hold without hesitation.

Namjoon was smart enough to ask for a Korean interpreter when we arrived, so as the doctor explained what they found from the test the woman translated for us. Even though I was fluent in Korean, there were a few areas where I didn’t need to really learn vocabulary. So while I knew mostly what she was saying, I had no idea what the word which I could tell was his diagnosis was. But based on Joon and Yoongi’s reactions, it didn’t seem like anything super serious.

And then I caught that they’re suggesting he get surgery very quickly, and maybe he should fly back to South Korea for it. Wait. Is it serious or not? I need to know what this is! Why does he need surgery?! I thought, feeling scared again.

When it didn’t seem like I’d be interrupting anything I asked Joon, “I caught all of that, but I don’t know what the diagnosis is. I didn’t expand into that kind of vocabulary. Do you know the English word for it?”

Joon thought for a moment before shrugging. “Sorry noona, I didn’t bother learning those kinds of words in English either.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak English well,” the interpreter said.

“It’s okay,” Joon said as he pulled out his phone. He typed into it for a minute, turning the screen towards me when he was done. He used a translate function to show me what the word was. It translated to appendicitis.

I hadn’t realized how tense I became until I felt my whole body relax at the news. Yes, he would need surgery, but it really wasn’t something we needed to worry too much about. Once he got the organ removed, everything would be fine. Although, he wouldn’t be able to dance for a while – which I’m sure was good news to him.

The doctor prescribed him antibiotics and a strong painkiller for him in the meantime until he could get back home to have the surgery. He recommended doing it that way since it wasn’t something that they had to do that very moment, so it’d be easier for him to rest and recover at home rather than staying a long time in a foreign hospital. Just as long as we got back as soon as possible to get it done.

As soon as I started driving back to the hotel, Joon texted Sejin to tell him we were on our way back and that I needed to talk to him once we got there.

“Wow, they’ve been blowing up the chat while we were in there,” he said. “I hadn’t looked when we were with the doctor. But everyone’s freaking out.”

“You’d probably better tell them I’m not dying then,” Yoongi chuckled.

“Are you feeling okay now, Yoongi?” I asked.

“Yeah, these pills are working wonders,” he said. “I’ll still take it easy though.”

“Good,” I said. “We’re getting you back home as soon as we can.”

“Who’s going with him?” Joon asked as he typed away in the group chat.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I’ll need to talk with Sejin about that. I don’t think I can make that kind of decision on my own, especially right now.” I was calm enough to focus and function normally now, but I was still shaken up by everything that had just occurred.

“Seriously?” Joon said. “I don’t know what Seokjin hyung doesn’t understand about ‘we’ll be back in 10 minutes, we’ll talk to you then.’ He won’t stop hounding me about what happened.”

Yoongi laughed. “He’s like a parent sometimes.”

“Yeah, you could say that again,” I smiled.

We made it back quickly since it was rather late by now and there wasn’t much traffic at this time. While Yoongi wasn’t really in pain now and could walk fine, Namjoon still held onto his arm just in case he ended up needing the support anyway.

It was barely 3 seconds after we opened the door to their room that one of the other doors flew open and we were suddenly met with all of the boys and Sejin.

“Hyung!” Jimin called. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not dying,” Yoongi responded as he took a seat on his bed. “I’ll be fine.”

“What happened?” Hoseok asked, sitting next to him.

When he paused in answering, I thought maybe he was feeling uncomfortable telling everyone. “Yoongi, are you okay with everyone here knowing?”

He gave me a curious look. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just wanted to make sure since you hesitated,” I said. “Where I’m from, medical records are considered private information so I didn’t want to say anything you didn’t want me to.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “I just spaced out for a moment. I’m tired.”

I nodded, understanding how much his body has gone through today.

“He has appendicitis,” Namjoon said. “Noona and I went out together for a little while and when we came back he was in a lot of pain and clutching onto his stomach.”

Jungkook hurried over to his hyung. “Are you still hurting?” he asked.

Yoongi shook his head. “They gave me some good painkillers so I feel great right now.”

I turned to Sejin. “They said he should go back home immediately and get surgery as soon as possible. They didn’t want to do it here since it’s something that could wait until morning.”

“So someone’s going to have to go back with him,” Sejin said as he contemplated our options.

“I figured I’d ask you what you thought,” I said. “I don’t think we should cancel anything here, the rest of the boys can stay. They shouldn’t be super worried since it’s not anything too complicated.”

“But you will be really worried,” Sejin said.

I tilted my head and pinched my brows together in confusion. “What do you mean, oppa?”

“I know you, (Y/n). If you stay here while Yoongi goes to have surgery, you’re going to spend every moment worried about him and will always want to check in on how he’s doing. Even if you do know it’s not that big of a deal.”

I stared at the floor and bit the inside of my cheek, but didn’t respond.

“You know I’m right,” Sejin said. “You should go with him. Besides, you live right across the hall from them so you’re really close if he needs anything.”

I nodded. “Okay oppa. I’ll go back with him.”

“I’ll text Bang, call him if he’s still awake and let him know. And I’ll get you guys your tickets for as soon as possible, hopefully for tonight. Make sure both of you are ready to go.”

“Thank you oppa,” I said as he left the room.

I realized how crowded the room was with eight people in here, but I didn’t think any of us really cared. The boys had to have been pretty worried so I wasn’t about to ask them to leave unless Yoongi felt uncomfortable. At least they all looked a lot more relaxed now than when they first came in here.

“Wait a minute,” Jin suddenly said. “Namjoon, you said you and (Y/n) went out together?”

Joon looked at him and nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“What do you mean went out?” Taehyung said, looking back and forth between the two of us.

“Where did you guys go and what did you do?” Jin asked, sounding accusing.

“What…?” I was trying to figure what was up with this atmosphere, and Joon looked just as confused as me. Then it hit me. “Wait, no! No, no, no! It’s nothing like that!” Namjoon’s eyes widened as he realized what they were thinking too. “We just walked around to check out the city. And we stopped at a bakery before we came back,” I said.

“Hyung!” Namjoon said. “Why would you think something like that?” he asked.

Jin raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I just wanted to make sure you guys weren’t hiding anything from us.”

I shook my head. “Speaking of the bakery,” I said as I grabbed the bags on the dresser. “We had brought back some snacks to share with you all. I hope they’re still good.”

They all brightened up at that. “You’re the best, noona!” Jungkook said as he hugged me from behind.

“We’re on a diet though,” Hoseok frowned.

I gave him a look that said I didn’t really care. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Hobi smiled back at me. “Alright, then I guess I can’t complain.” He turned to Yoongi. “Are you going to have some hyung?”

“No, I’m good,” he said. “I’m not really hungry. I just want to lay down and get some sleep.”

I remember lack of appetite being one of the symptoms of appendicitis so I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t want to push him just in case he would feel nauseous from eating when he didn’t feel up to it.

“Alright, let’s move this to someone else’s room then,” Joon said. “You get some rest, hyung. You need it. I’ll go ahead and make sure your stuff is all packed really quick.”

“Thanks Joonie,” Yoongi sleepily said as he laid properly on the bed and pulled the covers over himself.

Just then, Sejin came back into the room. “I got you guys tickets for three hours from now. We’ll leave in an hour and a half. I’ll drive you to the airport, so make sure you’re ready.”

“Thank you oppa, I really appreciate it,” I said.

“Of course,” he smiled. “We’ll do anything for our boys, won’t we?”

I smiled back and nodded. “Definitely.”

“Awwww!” Taehyung suddenly exclaimed. “That means I won’t have any chance of sitting next to noona on the plane and getting to snuggle with her!”

I lowered and shook my head while Sejin raised his eyebrows at the boy’s outburst and the others just laughed.

“What are you talking about Tae?” Sejin asked.

“I was supposed to be next!” he replied, being completely unhelpful.

Sejin was very confused, so I just guided him out of the room with me as I went to pack my things. “Don’t worry about it, he’s just being Taehyung,” I said.

He sighed, shaking his head with a chuckle.

We got back to South Korea without any issues, and someone from the company met us at the airport to drive us right to the hospital. They already contacted the hospital as well to let them know we were on our way so they could prepare to do the surgery as soon as possible.

I had called Yoongi’s parents to give them the update when I was packing my suitcase. I knew if my child was going to have emergency surgery I would want to know what was going on right away so I wanted to make sure they were updated on everything. They said they couldn’t make it to Seoul to be here for him, but asked me to stay with him and keep them informed. Which of course, I was going to do without even being told.

It was a short surgery, but he was kept in the hospital until the evening so they could monitor him and make sure he was doing okay afterwards. Later the same day of the operation, the company released a statement to let fans know what happened and that he was okay. He was going to be resting for about three weeks or so, just to make sure he didn’t push himself too hard.

I was driving him home after being discharged, happy that everything went smoothly and he could take enough time to relax and take care of himself – something I’ve come to notice isn’t always a given and am thankful it is for our boys.

“You know, you didn’t have to stay with me the whole time,” Yoongi said from the passenger seat after a long comfortable silence.

“Of course I did,” I responded. “Why would I leave you there by yourself?”

“We didn’t even talk for most of the time,” he said.

“So?” I asked. “We don’t need to always talk or do something together to appreciate company.” I paused for a moment, a sinking feeling appearing my stomach. “Unless, my company wasn’t appreciated,” I said in as teasing of a voice as I could to try to hide my actual emotion at the thought.

“No!” Yoongi quickly responded, surprising me (and himself, I think). “It’s not that, not at all. I just don’t want you to feel obligated towards me or anything.” He mumbled the last part, but I was still able to catch it.

“Then there’s nothing to worry about I guess,” I said, both to him and myself. “Because I genuinely wanted to stay there with you.”

I saw the slightest hint of a smile on his face out of the corner of my eye. Honestly, why did I keep getting these moments of anxiety? I really needed to kick my mind back into shape.

We arrived home and I started dragging both of our suitcases into the building. Since we went right to the hospital yesterday, they were still in the car with us.

“Noona, I can take my own suitcase,” Yoongi said, trying to take it from me.

“No, I got it,” I insisted.

He sighed. “I was told not to lift heavy objects or stress my body, not that I’m not allowed to do anything at all. Besides, there’s an elevator. They fixed it, remember?”

I narrowed my eyes at him, but of course this was Yoongi and his stubbornness was on par with my own so he wasn’t backing down. I sighed in defeat. “Fine.” I let go of the handle so he could take it. I swear I saw a smug smirk on his face for a second as he passed by me.

I followed him into the room when he unlocked the door to their apartment. After closing it behind me, I looked forward and saw him giving me a curious look. “Aren’t you going to your own home?” he asked.

“Well, we practically share each other’s living spaces anyway,” I said. “Do you know how rare it is for me to actually have a quiet day when I’m at home? And then I spend a lot of time here too.”

Yoongi shrugged. “I guess. But still, why did you come in here instead?”

“I’m staying here until the others come back,” I said.

He blinked a few times. “You’re not serious.”

“I am. I already asked Jin if I could borrow his bed and he gave me permission.”

“No. No, you’re not sleeping here too.”

“Even the doctor said that someone should always be around to make sure you are eating and taking medicine on time, and to make sure you don’t do anything to overstress your body.”

“Can’t you just trust me that I’ll do that on my own?”

“I’m not taking any chances,” I said with a smile. “Besides, I don’t know about you but I don’t have any work to do since my work was supposed to be in Japan, and with nothing to do I’d be bored out of my mind staying at home alone.”

Yoongi seemed to be thinking about it for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll just make sure not to walk around in my underwear then I guess.”

“Yeah I’d appreciate that.”

“Or maybe I will, just to scar you.” He wore an uncharacteristically mischievous grin.

“Yoongi, I swear if you-“

He had walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Well, the next few days might prove to be rather interesting.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24

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[trashynyland]

Alright, someone asked about this and I'm here to give.

There's not much to the HermitFamilyAU. I'll try and go in order in a way from oldest to recent characters that have been created so far.

Grian, mute avian hybrid. 23 but acts like an excited 10 year old. He communicates in bird, sign language, writing and charades. Only Mumbo, Iskall and Xisuma can understand Grian's bird talk (he'll chirp, squeak screech and squawk). He's a bundle of joy, really energetic, he loves to cuddle and he's usually always happy. He'll tend to stick by Mumbo's side a lot. He has the habit of sitting on people's shoulders, it helps him with his height dysphoria, makes him feel taller which makes him happy. He loves to build with his legos since he isn't allowed out of the house unless he's with Xisuma. He was abused by his parents who cut out his vocal cords with a knife at age 9. He's lived in the hermit household for 5 years. He has a feather shedding habit which Doc despises (that's what earned Grian the name "Feathers"). Grian and Doc have a love hate relationship but mostly, Grian loves being a little shit to Doc and annoy him. Grian can easily get sent into a panic attack if someone touches his neck without permission. He has trust issues and won't let anyone he doesn't know near him.

Mumbo, human but has the power to generate Redstone dust from his hair (like King Sparklez but he can generate the dust with his hands). He's 24 and a nervous wreck. Mumbo always needs an explanation to things he doesn't understand, if he doesn't get it then he'll try and figure it out himself. He's very shy around others he doesn't know and has a horrible stuttering habit when he has to talk to people he doesn't know. He loves hanging out with Grian (his comfort buddy boyfriend) and loves to help the little avian. His legs got shattered and ripped from a piston malfunction that he was trying to fix, they had to amputate his legs from the knee down. He's got Redstone prosthetics that are powered with Redstone (made by King Diamond). He has no recollection of his past, all he knows was that he showed up on the Redstone King's doorstep at age 7 and was adopted by the king. Mumbo's father is King Redstone (or CaptainSparklez) but Mumbo lives with Xisuma since Mumbo himself isn't found of the Royal lifestyle. But he works for his father and helps around the castle from time to time. Started living with Xisuma at age 19.

Iskall, slime hybrid. He's 27 and a comedian. He acts like a crazy uncle, loves to make inappropriate jokes but also acts like the 2nd father of the house. He loves to jokes around and pull pranks. He's very kind until you hurt his family in any way. Again, acts like the second dad of the house because things can get too crazy sometimes. When he was 16, he was shit in the eye by a blast spell which caused his eye to never grow back. Instead of getting an eye patch or a regular eye prosthetic he asked Mumbo and Doc to make him some kinda cool looking eye instead. He was abandoned by his mother at age 13, was taken in by Xisuma at age 15. He has abandonment issues.

Xisuma, Archangel hybrid (four wings, halo and 6 eyes. 4 of the eyes and the halo only appear when X uses his powers. Two of the wings get hidden beneath the top two wings.). He's over 1000 years old (but 38 in human age). He absolutely loves adopting and it's his horrible bad habit. He's been banned a few times from adoption centers because the guy can't control himself. Because of this, he's been named the "Caretaker" and "Dimensional Adopter". He's a Warrior (meaning he goes out to different dimensions to help out others in corrupted dimensions) but he's also a coder and hacker. He loves his family and would do anything to protect them. He was banished to the world Palace Concy at age 17(human age) and has lived there happily ever since. In his old world, he use to live in the heavens which had thin air. Since the air is much thicker on the ground and too much for him he wears a ventilator to help him breath better. He also can't die, he can respawn which he finds unsettling. When he dies he respawns in his bed. He's a bottom, he's gotta admit that and his husband is Doc (someone he first saved when he became a Warrior). Most of his scars on his body (including his "X" scar on his face) we're given to him by Doc himself on accident. He's a dad of the hermit household.

Doc, creeper human cyborg. He's 40 years old and a cranky guy. He tends to put up a touch guy act but in reality he's just a soft teddy bear. He'll only show his true softness when alone with Xisuma or playing with the kids. He's caring but will act like he doesn't give a shit. Parents call him Soccer Mom because of how prepared he is and how much he helps his kids but also because he tends to pick fights with the entitled parents who thinks their kid(s) are better than everyone, "News flash Christian! They aren't special!". His prosthetic arm, half head and neck, part of his chest and half is heart were all designed by King Diamond and Doctor Joe Atlantic(they also got some help from Prince Stampy). In Doc's old dimension he use to be a creeper that couldn't explode (which hunters found amusing so they'd pick on Doc and give him scars, basically abuse him). One day he fell in love with his world's Cub who later ended up turning him him an and forcing him to become his science experiment. Once he was deemed useless, Cub put him up for auction which Xisuma ended up buying him and taking him home. Doc has major trust issues with everyone and still doesn't trust Xisuma's 3rd new adoption, Cub Issatic who's always on edge and thinks someone is after his blood (character Cub is still a wip so this may change later on). Doc is surprisingly actually a cuddly type of hybrid. He loves to cuddle alone with X when they get the chance. Doc's husband is Xisuma. Doc is the mom of the hermit household.

Tango, very energetic guy, he's a Telikiantors (a mythical creature created by me the artist, there's a post I made about them but to be short, they're forest creatures that are like SirenHeads but don't eat humans unless provoked by them). Tango is a hybrid version of a Teli. He's 6 years old and still waiting for his future surgery to get on his mouth tail so he can start eating from it again (in his old home it was damaged). He loves to pull all sorts of pranks and is the house's little chaotic demon. Even with no arms, he can't be stopped. He use to be owned by an old woodworker who used Tango as his personal slave. Since Tango was young at the time and didn't know any better and was a child he'd always fool around and didn't listen. This angered his old owner who cut off Tango's arms off and cut his tail mouth so he couldn't eat. Xisuma stumbled upon him one night when the Archangel got lost on a hike in the woods. X saved him and adopted him at age 3. Even though Tango went through that torture he's still bubbly and doesn't have much trama. He's more unsure about things and will asked about them.

Impulse, he's a God actually who was the son of a lightning goddess and ocean god. He's currently 5 years old. When he was born his eyes were completely gold and blue but after his mother and father forced him to use his magic he went blind. Since he was only 3 at the time his eyes were still sensitive and not use to powerful magic or anything bright. His mother was frustrated with him that he couldn't summon up lighting or water so she summoned up some lightning and struck it right in front of Impulse which caused him to go blind and his eyes to lighten up a bit. When the parents left to argue after the situation, that's when Xisuma jumped into the dimension to save Impulse and take him away. Originally his eyesight was supposed to be fixed and he was supposed to be sent back to his home world but he refused the care and refused to leave X's side. He's very scared of powers and when people raise their voices. He's shy and fragile and can easily get overwhelmed by things. He has some sensitivity issues, where when he's so overwhelmed by something he can easily fall into a panic attack. Doc, as a Christmas gift, gave him two shovels that have turned into his comfort item. They help conceal his magic so it doesn't get too out of hand when he gets overwhelmed, upset or angry. He usually sticks by his brothers Tango and Zedaph's sides but when he's not with them then he'll be hanging around his dad, mom or one of his siblings while on a child leash (he doesn't mind the leash and actually loves it since it gives him comfort. He's still not use to being blind and all).

Zedaph, he's a witch, that what everyone knows so far. He's 5 years old and has a teddy bear attitude, his personality is very fluffy and caring. He loves the world and the world loves him. In his old dimension, he was a rich witch's slave and was forced to do dirty work. His owner once had enough of him one day when he accidentally dropped her food and his owner blasted his arm off. Because of the traumatic experience, Zed prefers to keep his eyes shut in fear of having to go through something terrible and scary again. His old owner sold him off to Xisuma who took him in and adopted him. Zedaph's powers are unknown because they haven't yet activated. He's been labelled as a witch for now because of the place he came from and his low power levels. His favorite person in the world his his Uncle Stizoom because of his fluffy hair and tail. He loves to curl up in anything soft and fluffy because of how comfortable and safe it makes him feel. It's the reason why he owns a large Wooloo plushy.

Cleo, a very rare zombie eel siren. She's 31 years old and doesn't like speaking. She likes to stay mute unless talking to Xisuma or False. Nothing seemed to be wrong with her old dimension same with her except that she was always bored. Pirates and fishermen always tried to catch her and at first Cleo loved to prank them but as she got more and more bored she started letting them capture her and sell her at black markets, auctions, sold to royals. She always knew how to escape and she found it fun at first but soon grew bored of it all again. It was always the same routine. Xisuma found her while he was wondering her dimension in a black market. He asked her if she wanted to join him but of course she said nothing. Xisuma ended up buying her and bring her home with him. Cleo has never tried to leave or escape since (except to False's bedroom to sleep with her).

Ren, dog hybrid who has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Since he has many different identities all have different personalities (check out his character sheet for more details on all the identities). But mostly Ren is in charge and upfront to control the body, he is the main host after all. Ren is the definition of the one crazy uncle. He's comedic, crazy and loves to put a smile on others faces, he's also very playful. He can get flustered easily if someone dominates him (either in bed or at his own games like flirting). Ren and the body are about 21. In his old world he was abused a lot, mostly chained to a wall in a basement his entire life. He was abused a lot by his owner alpha and many other bad things. It's where a lot of his trama comes from. He one day ended up escaping but fell through a dimensional portal and ended up in Palace Concy. He was found in the woods passed out by Slime n Bone podcast who were taking a vacation with the Woodworks family in the Kosikians Sky (mt. DeathLoxes) mountains. He's was taken to Xisuma after the podcast group couldn't figure out how to help him since Ren wouldn't say anything and just shake in fear in the corner. He was taken in by X which Ren is very greatful for. Ren is scared of everyone since he's an omega and comes from an omegaverse, he thinks an alpha will come and hurt him again. Ren has a huge crush on Iskall and even though he knows the man likes him back he's too scared to ask him out. Ren loves to hang out with Grian, Doc and sometimes Iskall when he isn't blushing nervous. Very cool dude.

Bdubs, human but is immune to explosives but can still get stabbed. He's 19 actually and has a big habit of getting into trouble with Impulse and Tango. He works at an explosives store in town, helps out the construction crews when they need a certain area exploded and loves to volunteer at the firework stands that pop up during July 1st "Redstone Founders Day" (Bdubs favorite holiday). He's enthusiastic and doesn't mind teaching kids about explosives and safety in his spare time. He loves causing trouble when he can but he also loves helping out others with decorating. He's got a side job he's made "Bdubs Interior Design" and usually many people hire him for help. He use to live in a HermitCraft world when he decided to leave one year and stubbled upon an Earth dimension which he was then used as a bomber during the everlasting wars that were going on. He was one day capture and take to Palace Concy by Lunch Army and was then later adopted by X. During his time on the Earth War he gained black smudge on his face that X has found won't come off so it's become part of Bdubs skin basically. Some have called him blackface and think that he's being racist but he's not. He's just got some black smudge on his face that is unremovable. He's bubble and loves to make others smile when having a bad day. He doesn't really have any trama except for being weary of portals. He's got a crush on Keralis but won't admit it.

Keralis, human. He's 18 (looks 16) and a punk. He's mean and bitchy to everyone and doesn't let a single soul through his walls (he doesn't let others see his emotions and what he's really feeling). He love to break the law and pick fights. He works with "Brtakis Construction Company" which causes him to travel from home a lot. He's very strong and can pack a punch. He's a warrior so that's why he's got his own special weapon, he's not allowed on any dimensional missions but he's allowed to kill Alumas (soul takers) when they show up. In his old dimension he was a homeless immigrant who lived on the streets of New York (where he earned his punk attitude). He was saved by Xisuma one night when he was about to get killed by a gang group, almost got shot in the head. X had offered him a home but Keralis denied his offer. It took 5 years of constant saves and denied offers until one year he almost committed suicide he finally opened up to X and accepted his offer with a wailing sob. He still keeps his punk attitude because he grew up with it but also because he finds it cool. He also kept it because of Doc, Keralis wants to be just like the guy. All smug and strong. Doc is the person he looks up to, his idol in a way. His trama? He gets scared and panicked when left alone and he can't go near any big cities that are similar to New York.

Wels, avian hybrid mixed with an angel hybrid. He owns a halo that's cracked and shattered but only appears when he's angry. He's got beautiful golden wings that goes along with his ruby red hair. He's 15 but a secret Drag Queen at night. He loves to entertain people and put on a show, show off what he can do. He loves the stage and to him it's his home and life. (Idk how to explain it but he's just like the YouTube Wels but gay). He owns two Drag Personas, Cherry Rider who's his usual sona he dresses as who can be a wild ride. Cherry is an encouraging fool that will try and help anyone build up their confidence to do anything that their heart desires to do. His other persona is HelsKnight, Hels is a naughty bad fool who, for Wels is his way of getting his anger out in style and in a safe way. He'll preform and have a happy attitude when Cherry but have a dark and naughty~ attitude when being Hels. Because of X's worry, Wels has paired up with Doc on the weekends to do drag but pairs up with Skeppy during the weekdays for drag. Since he's young he still needs parental vision. Not much about his past except for being an orphan all his life and getting bullied at school and at his orphanage for being gay and loving to cross dress. When Xisuma adopted him, Wels hid his love for drag which ended up causing problems because when Cherry Rider first appeared on TV Xisuma fell in love for her and was horrified when he found out the drag person character was his son. After a bit of awkward talking and drag performances from Doc for X, Xisuma got over his silly love crush for Cherry and told Wels that he accepts who he is and will always love him as family. Xisuma told him that it would just be a bit awkward for awhile because X still had to get over the fact that his favorite drag queen he had a crush on was actually his adopted son. Doc helped both X and Wels after the reveal. Wels grew more confident and stopped hiding his drag cross dressing side (while his father Xisuma got over his crush and dropped it entirely but he ended up crushing on Wels' drag performance partner Skeppy). Wels still has a small fear of being himself in front of others but has overcome most of that fear because he knows his family has got his back (especially his over protective Dadsuma who would kill anyone who hurts his family and his Docmom who will murder any parents that talk his son down, "I'm lookin at you Rebecca! Your daughter is a lesbian and will never be straight you blind fu-"). Wels has a small crush on Biffa (an orphan friend of his that lives on the other side of the world (Biffa is still being developed) who Xisuma is thinking about adopting.

Jevin, rare blue slime hybrid. He's 1 year old and there's not much to him. He's a happy a baby who has a weird love obsession life with the Jello food. Iskall loves to take that and tease his baby brother with it (like stabbing his lil brother's jello in front of him and watching him cry about it, Iskall just finds Jevins whole Jello obsession hilarious). Xisuma actually found Jevin in a basket by his tracker right before he was about to work on his farm fields. Jevin will usually be hanging out with Iskall since he's also a slime and the hybrid connection helps them work better with each other. But also since Xisuma and Doc have no idea how to take care of a slime hybrid since they're hard to come by in Concy and there's not many books about them, so the two husbands let nature take it's course with Iskall since it looks like he knows what he's doing.

NPC Grian or Rustie, he's a demon but apparently can change into a robot? He's an interesting type. He's 25 and a cheerful man. He works in architecture, both with planning out the building and how it will look along with the construction. He also works at a bookstore named "BookRook". He's sweet and kind but will snap your neck in you make him angry, a smile with a dark atmosphere like aph Russia. He loves his kids but if he finds Grain making anY MORE ROBOTS THEN HE'S GOING TO-. He love to volunteer for events and he loves his husband Zoom. He was found by Zoom in his old dimension where Rustie was still locked and hibernating in his closet. He would have taken his robot brother with him but Robot Grian was in horrible condition and... dead so there was no use of him. Rustie owns a nice little rustic cabin in the woods beside a like with a great view. He and Zoom built the house and nother are proud of their work and family.

Evil Xisuma or Stizoom(Zoom), a Strider hybrid but fluffier. He's 27 and has a very gentle heart. He loves nature with a passion and Rustie tends to find him curdle up in his flower beds quite often. He likes to bird watch and plant flowers. He's a five star chief for "Blossburgi Restaurant" and a karate teacher for "Hightri's Karate". He hates the cold and loves to cuddle up with Rustie during the cold seasons and Rustie finds it adorable. Luckily, the two own a nearby hot springs so when things get to cold, Zoom will go hang out in the hot springs for awhile. He loves animals, all kinds. In his old dimension he was always forced to be near creatures and he always hated the small to so little space he always got. Xisuma found him and took him in for all awhile until Zoom found and fell in love with Rustie. His husband is Rustie and they both love each other very much. Very cute :3.

HermitPets, they're more used and made for a different AU of mine but in HermitFamily they're more background characters for sorts. Not much.

HermitFamily house, huge house I mean huge. It's a mansion that's up in the Stonety Mts. It sits in a large valley surrounded by mountains. The valley is actually a farm the the hermit house owns. They grow crops and sell it the small nearby town they live by named "Vellenture". Their house, in the back has a large poor (more of a lake and it's for Cleo) but it attaches to a nearby forest. The house itself, on the outside is a creamy white and on the inside, many colors. (I'll have to draw it out for a better explanation but basically the house looks like Grian's mansion but a creamy white and rustic grey.

[okayoonoh]

JUNGWOO’S FAMILY

a/n: i honestly can’t believe i’ve gotten this far! i’m so happy that i’ve been keeping up with these and i hope you guys have been liking them so far!

here’s the masterlist to all things nct dad related! go and check it out! i have so many other parts written already :)

KIM JUNGWOO:

he has three kids, all daughters. kim jia is the oldest, 3 years later, kim jieun was born, and 3 years after that, kim jiyoung was born.

(when jiyoung was born, jia was 6 years old while jieun was 3 years old)

KIM JIA: >> as a baby <<

she comes runner up in the position as calmest

she was so freaking chill like?

when jia was born, jungwoo saw his entire universe the second she opened her eyes and looked at her appa

you know how when jungwoo smiles, he looks like the little dumpling ?

yeah

that’s jia

she looks more like the dumpling then jungwoo does lol

jia was also pretty small when she was born

but that didn’t stop her!

when she gained weight, she mostly gained it in her belly and her face

she like was fine proportionally, but her belly was just so big lol

it honestly was the cutest

jungwoo nicknamed her mandu bc she was honestly just the sweetest little dumpling

she wasn’t shy when it came to her smiles

she was a little wary around strangers but that’s okay

jungwoo was honestly a really anxious dad

like he just would think that anything and everything can go wrong and he was just so nervous

but like jia took it easy on him dw

like if you had to leave for something for like a couple days

jungwoo would be so anxious about taking care of jia by himself

but then jia would just give her appa a pretty little reassuring smile

and he knew that he got it

jungwoo is honestly a really good dad

like naturally

he read a couple books and such

but a lot of his skills come naturally

he knew all of the things jia liked

he knew how to calm her down

she was honestly the worst with strangers

like if jungwoo or you had to leave the room

she would cry as if you left her forever

jia slowly learned that you guys still exist even if you leave the room haha

she was just so loving with her parents

>> as a child <<

she’s still just so chill dude

like obvi she’s a kid and when she gets excited, she’ll get excited

but she’s not like the “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” kind of kid

she’s more of a “woo”

she’s best friends with jeno’s oldest, lee juwon

juwon is a lot like his dad

he thinks that it’s so cool that jia is so smart

she’s kinda panicky lol

but juwon is just like weird with his humor and stuff

they still vibe together well tho

they both have the greatest smiles

like it’s one of those situations that they don’t have that much in common

but they just vibe so well together

she’s. so. smart.

jia is one of those people that school comes easy to them

like learning is just so easy for her

she was already learning really complex topics for her age

and she just kept wanting to learn more

she’s not super competitive with being top of the class tho

jia will tutor anyone who asks

even tho she’s smart

when she’s with juwon, they don’t make the best decisions

like if you send them to the store to buy more soy sauce or something

they’ll forget the soy sauce

but they’ll buy you like a pan or something

they once clogged the drain and turned the shower into a vertical bath tub

how?

no one knows

it was HE double hockey sticks to drain tho lol

when juwon and jia play, they play hard

like jia is the type of girl to be covered bruises

and she won’t care

she’s a really good sister to all of her siblings

she doesn’t really boss them around

but she will use her older sister powers if one of them steps out of line

like if one of them annoys her while she’s studying or something

she’ll use her older sister voice

she rarely uses it tho lol

>> as a teen/adult <<

she’s so heckin smart dude

honestly, probably the smartest person in the entire group

she decides that she really enjoys helping people when they’re at their worst

and she becomes a orthopedic surgeon

like she achieves to be head of surgery in her hospital

even tho she’s a doctor, she still believes in all the medical myths lol

for example

if it’s really cold outside

and jiyoung is going out for a run

jia will make jiyoung where like 500 layers

jia: “yoU’RE GONNA GET SICK”

jiyoung: “you literally just told me how that was a myth whY -- UNNIE I’LL BE OUT FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES I DON’T NEED TO WEAR MY SNOW COAT AND YOUR’S! IT’S NOT EVEN SNOWING.”

she’s so caring towards her siblings like it’s crazy

she’s proud of everything they do

jia watches every single one of jieun’s blogs

she watches every single one of jiyoung’s soccer games

she’s there for everything

jia doesn’t know what sleep is lol

she’s constantly studying and improving her skills as a surgeon

like even when she’s on vacation

she’s reading her books and stuff

her favorite place to study is qian fen’s cafe

she vibes so well in there

she’s honestly obsessed with her skin

lowkey a dermatologist at this point

jungwoo still occasionally calls her mandu lol

juwon is like one of the only people that knows how to get her to relax lol

she’s honestly a bit of a workaholic

jia can’t help it

she still cares so much about her entire family

she’ll get them in with the good doctors (discounts too)

whenever she’s overworked or overstressed, she goes home

being around family reenergizes her

she relates a lot with her dad

she’s honestly a mini version of jungwoo

if jungwoo can tell that she’s struggling, he’ll do the things he did to her as a baby

like seriously lol

he’ll find her plushy she had when she was a baby

and sing her the same songs 

it would make you cry every time because it was so gosh darn cute

KIM JIEUN: >> as a baby <<

also super chill

jieun was honestly so chic

like it would take a lot to make her smile

like if know rohui from return of the superman

like she had the brightest and goofiest smile

but jieun had to keep her chic aesthetic and couldn’t show emotions lol

even when jungwoo and you were jumping up and down making yourselves look ridiculous, she still won’t smile

when, and it was rare, she did smile, it was a big smile

she would give you guys the biggest smiles just so show how happy she is

she wasn’t a super playful baby lol

she was just so chic like idk what else to say lmao

when jieun was around her squad™ she would smile a bit more

but she still maintained her image

she loved to babble

jieun wanted to talk as soon as she could

she would talk even before she knew how lol

like omg imagine

so like you’re with jia for something and jungwoo wants to take a roadtrip with his little princess

she’ll babble the ENTIRE way

none of them are actual words other than “appa” and “eomma” 

and jungwoo would respond so well to everything 

like he would have actual conversations with her

jungwoo wasn’t as stressed this time around

it’s different with two kids tho

but it’s okay

he still kept those natural dad instincts 

jungwoo is so caring towards all of his children it’s just the sweetest

jieun honestly was just a chic baby 

>> as a child <<

she’s super feminine

like she loves all things pink

all things frilly and pretty

soft™ 

her favorite game was all games related to being a princess

she really was your family’s princess tho

jieun was so creative from an early age

and she was so artistic

like she took up drawing, sketching, etc. all from an early age

and she’s super talented with it too

jieun is in the squad of her, jaehyun’s son, jung leon, hendery’s middle son, wong liuwei, and haechan’s middle daughter, lee haeun

jieun is the calmest out of all of them

but they honestly can all be so crazy

generally, jieun is like the one who is trying to calm everyone down

but when she’s in the right mood, she’s right up there with them in crackheadedness

she speaks in tiny

she’s still super girly tho lol

she starts to get interested in makeup in this age

jieun didn’t really like playing with dolls and such

but she did enjoy playing with those makeup sets

she would do her makeup

your makeup

jia’s makeup

jungwoo’s makeup

jiyoung’s makeup

e v e r y o n e

she becomes obsessed with beauty

jieun is one of those girls who you’re like “yeah, she is a GIRL.”

and she loves it!

it’s just her aesthetic :)

>> as a teen/adult <<

she becomes a well known makeup artist

still super duper chic and artistic

she’s known for her colorful and technically perfect style

she does makeup for all of the models and celebrities of the group

like if they want to go for the aesthetic look, they go to her

and she does an amazing job

she’s so talented with all things dealing with beauty

hair, makeup, nails, e v e r y t h i n g

whenever she models for anything, she does her own makeup

her fashion sense is always trendy

jieun has a pristine self image and she tries to maintain it

guys hit on her all of the time lmao

she handles it so well tho

she looks them right in the eyes, as intimidating as possible, and takes a deep breath

she then uses words that don’t match with her image at all

but they’re so scary

like people would think she was a delinquent in her past life with all of the things she says

everyone in her squad find this kinda entertaining

she just gets annoyed because she hates creeps

even tho she cares a lot about her self-image, if someone is being weird around her friends, she’ll do the same thing she’ll do for herself

it usually shocks the dude so much

she can beat them up too lol

jieun is chic and stuff, but being in the squad, she learned how to fight

and she can take care of herself haha

jieun is pretty reliable

like if she makes an engagement, she won’t run from it

she does a really good in keeping up with everything

she gets along well with all of her siblings

jiyoung takes interest in fashion and jieun helps her out

honestly, jieun really is that girl and it’s just so cool

KIM JIYOUNG: >> as a baby <<

she’s been a soccer player from the start

she had such strong legs as a baby

like being pregnant with her was not a fun time

when she kicked, she kicked

even when she was born

her legs were just aching to start running

jiyoung was very similar to jia when she started gaining weight

except her legs were a lot more chubby than jia’s was

jiyoung was an early riser from the start

every day, you would begin by stretching out the little baby

that’s when all of her gigles were

stretching time was jiyoung’s favorite time

out of all of your kids, jiyoung was the most social

jiyoung was fine with strangers

and jiyoung would give you guys way more smiles than jieun did 

jiyoung just seemed constantly happy about life

it was a treat to see

in all physical things, she was advanced

literally the second she started walking, she was trying to run

she was just so active and wanted to explore the world

when she was a toddler oh no

you didn’t want to have to get one of those baby backpack leashes, but you had to

she was just too fast

even jungwoo couldn’t keep up with her 

she was so excited all of the time haha

nothing seemed to calm her down

she would be full of energy until she collapsed pretty much

jiyoung was such a happy baby tho it was honestly so endearing

>> as a child <<

super duper athletic

she kinda seemed intimidating if you didn’t know her

but she’s chill dw

she put all of her energy into sports and she excelled

jiyoung is so talented in all of her sports

but her favorite is soccer

mainly because her dad was so good at soccer, she loves how she can relate with him

she’s generally happiest when she’s playing sports

she enjoys being the baby of the family tho

jiyoung is pretty independent in most situations

but when she’s around her sisters, she changes lol

like a lot of people think that she’s super cool and independent and no one can hold her down

but the second jieun needs help with something, jiyoung is on her way ASAP

jiyoung wasn’t super needy or high maintenance

she would just appreciate everything you would buy for her

she had really tan skin because she was out in the sun tho

even tho it’s “against the beauty standard” to have tan skin

she embraced it

jieun, the beauty guru of the entire group, said that jiyoung and the best skin

jia is willing to fight ANYONE who makes fun of jiyoung’s skin tone

jiyoung embraced herself and loved herself from such an early age

she’s best friends with yuta’s youngest son, nakamoto itsuki

itsuki is also a soccer prodigy

they relate a lot with soccer

they honestly compliment each other so well

like itsuki is a little goofy and stuff

and so is jiyoung

they both are super tan and athletic too

they just were meant to be from such an early age

jiyoung wasn’t really into things that were super feminine tho 

she prefers “dirt over skirts”

jiyoung is such a hard worker

like she works through all of her sore muscles and everything

but she just does such a good job and maintains a positive attitude

>> as a teen/adult <<

a soccer player ™ 

she goes and plays professionally

she’s just so gosh darn athletic it’s so cool

she just genuinely enjoys playing soccer

jiyoung does have those days where she pushed herself too hard

but she just needs to see her family one more time to get back into the swing of things

whichever team she’s on, she becomes the face of the team

jiyoung honestly has the brightest smile and everyone loves it

when she speaks in any situation that’s not a soccer game, she speaks in tiny

but when she’s out on the field

she’s LOUD

so LOUD

she doesn’t know why she’s so quiet off the field but she just is lol

she starts to take an interest in fashion and such after establishing herself as a professional soccer player

jieun is like “dw jiyoung, i gotchu bb”

jieun knows her sister’s aesthetic and just rolls with it

jiyoung wears everything jieun tells her too

like even tho jiyoung has taken an interest in fashion, she sucks at choosing her own outfits lol

itsuki and jiyoung get together

everyone knew it was gonna happen lol

they were honestly soulmates from the second they met

athletic power couple of the century

if they have a match on the same night, they’ll wear the same color headbands and shoes

they do subtle things

like the even have customized cleats with each other’s names in them 

on their biggest game days, they wear those cleats

honestly, it’s the cutest

like ugh

i guess you can say that itsuki and jiyoung are goals *badum tssssss*

jungwoo just wants to be there for all of her matches

jiyoung makes sure that the two of you get season tickets to the best seats in the stadium

jungwoo is so happy whenever he sees all of his daughters happy and together

he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

---

junguwu really out here with the uwuest family of them all :,)

i hope you guys liked it! i was struggling a bit with these three because i knew how they were in my head but i just couldn’t put it to words haha

anyway, lucas’s family is next~

- amy <3

[newhologram]

New’s Ketamine Diary

5.13.2020 Infusion #1 K Debut

The doctor started with some trigger point injections in my neck. I’m not usually bothered much by needles but lately I’ve been getting poked a lot and my cervical spine has been horrible all week so I didn’t want anyone touching it. 🤕I was sweating while they used an ultrasound on my neck for accuracy. Even though doc gave me something to help me relax, I whined high-pitched the entire time. The nurse said, “Sorry, honey” and the doctor said, “There, almost done. You should be very proud, you’re doing very well.” Got it over with very quickly while the nurse cold-sprayed the hell out of each injection site. This is a consideration I haven’t seen from most other doctors: someone already in pain doesn’t need to be tortured more. Be efficient and make it more comfortable.

Time for the infusion. They said about 40 minutes with a 30 minute cool-down. I was set up in a small room with a comfy reclining armchair, an iPad with lots of relaxing music/soundscapes, and a pretty color-changing lamp on the desk. The nurses also gave me a blanket and sleep-mask. On the wall were two medical posters (spine and hand) and draped over the window was a painting of a view through an open window to a soft and sunny beach. They hooked me up and told me they would be checking in on me. Before he left, the doctor put his hands in prayer and said, “Have a nice trip!” I could tell he was smiling under his protective mask.

I put on some spacey trance music and waited. After a little while I felt relaxed and pleasantly tingly in my legs. A bit after that I had that slight double-vision you get after surgery. The first time a nurse checked on me, it took effort to talk. I was floaty and peaceful and it felt like soft waves of clouds were rolling up and down my nervous system. 

I don’t know how accurate my sense of time is for today but I think after about 20 minutes I started “tripping”. At one point the doorbell was the most amazing sound. The color-changing lamp was great to look at, but it wasn’t just pretty. Each color presented itself to me as an individual and distinct entity with its own personality and I was delighted every time I met a new color. It was like a new conversation every color and I said “thank you” every time. The soft pink was named Radha. 🌸 About 30 minutes in, I escaped this particular human identity. It wasn’t that I “forgot” who I was. It was more that I “remembered” who I am. I felt so distinctly me, not me the person, but me the conscious awareness in this timeline focused into the nervous system of this human. And when I remembered my body, it was like rediscovering an advanced technology. I moved my arm so easily and thought, “Wow, a real human robot. This is the original technology.” Remembering my body made me remember this human identity I’ve been enrolled in for the past 30 years. It was like reading the character bios in the manual of a newly opened video game. Reading about this person was like meeting someone new. I was fascinated by the idea of Ashley and Maxwell and couldn’t believe they were real physical beings and that I get to play the role of their mother. I tried to text with friends to keep them updated, which resulted in uncontrollable snort-laughing that I’m sure the nurses enjoyed hearing. 😂 But the strangest thing was that I would hear myself laughing for a good 5 seconds before I realized it was coming from my body and I was like ???????? and somehow the idea of this involuntary noise coming out of me made it funnier. 

Eventually my timer went off and a nurse came in to turn off the pump and start the cooldown. I had no idea and thought I’d triggered the alarm by trying to touch the colorful lamp. I told the nurse sheepishly, “I just wanted to touch it.” 

As I came down, I digested the experience and stretched a lot in the chair. When I was finally ready to go, the nurse took out the IV and the doctor came to talk to me about the experience. We talked about differentiating the kinds of pain I have and what I was feeling. Pretty much the only pain I have right now is the radiating soreness in my neck/shoulder/arms that comes after those gnarly trigger point injections, which is expected. Maybe a teeny bit of nerve pain for that same reason. I don’t feel my usual all-over fibro pain or my intense shocking/burning/torture spine/neck/face/head pains that make me the most miserable. I don’t feel overwhelming fatigue. I feel relaxed and could definitely sleep but I also feel a very clear clean energy. My vision was sharper after the infusion as well. I’m even able to squat down and reach something or walk up the stairs without my legs trembling under me. I was standing up and bouncing while talking to the doctor.

He asked if it was scary and it wasn’t at all, it was very peaceful and enjoyable. He said, “You’ve made me so happy today that I am ‘tripping’ with you!” and gave me a social distance fist bump. I think maybe because I’ve been meditating more seriously for 6 years now and have experience with “out of body” sensations from narcolepsy that the whole part about leaving my human identity behind wasn’t as surprising to me as it might be for someone who is very new to this perspective of life. Which is why this treatment is so effective for mental illness/ PTSD as well as chronic pain, it really offers a whole new perspective.  Even almost 8 hours later I feel very very peaceful.

It was a great first infusion! I hope to see even more good results the second time. Typically treatment starts out with 6 infusions over 2-3 weeks but my doctor is trying to be careful with the insurance so he’s going to try to ease into it and get me back every 2 weeks. He said to me, “You’re too young for so much illness, you’re a kid, you’re as young as my youngest. I want you to experience your youth and get out there and take over the world. I know this can make such a difference in your life.”

So, keeping my fingers crossed for more infusions soon and incredibly grateful for the chance to do this treatment that I’ve been interested in for years. I just knew it was something I had to give a shot, especially since I’d already tried everything else the medical system had to offer. So awesome. 

[altruisticallydriven]

To The Mothers I’ve Helped Deliver: What You Might Not Have Noticed

As I walked into your room for the first time, you might not have noticed but I was nervous, too.  You asked a million questions, and I tried to sound confident answering every one, but the truth is that every time I left your room I went to the nurses' station and double-checked with all the other nurses that I was saying and doing everything right.

I didn’t want to miss anything.

It was my first day without a preceptor, and I was scared I wasn’t good enough to care for you yet.  You might not have noticed, but your reassuring smile and continuous “thank you”’s that day instilled a confidence in me that gave me the perseverance I needed to get through those first few months at this job. 

You might not have noticed, but I was relieved, too.  When your babies heart rate kept dropping and we were running out of things to try, suddenly you dilated and you were ready to push. I had tried to keep a smile on my face and my voice calm as I asked you to roll over to your side and opened up your fluids to give you a bolus, but inside I was counting the seconds that your babies heart rate was in the 70′s, turning up the volume on the monitor as I kept switching you positions until I heard which one got the babies heart rate back up even before I saw it on the strip.  You might not have noticed, but in those seconds my heart was racing faster than yours as I contemplated the next three interventions I would do and in what order if that heart rate didn't come up soon. And when you finally felt the relief of pushing out your baby,  you might not have noticed, but the Doctor and I gave eachother a look of relief as well, and I felt myself breathe again. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath with you.

You might not have noticed,  but I was happy to. As I rested my hands on your shoulders to keep you relaxed during your epidural, and you squeezed my arms to keep yourself from moving through contractions while the needle was in your back, you kept apologizing. But I was grateful that there was finally someway I could really help distract and relieve your pain a bit after watching your labor for so long and feeling helpless. It’s a funny thing, as nurses we have an instinctive desire to take away pain, and when first learning how to labor with someone and coach them through the pain it seems unnatural- that pain, instead of being something to run away from, is something to press into. That pain can bring life instead of death. But I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t relieved when you chose to have an epirdural when your dilation stalled and your body could no longer relax enough to make room for your baby. I was more than glad to let you hold my hand, or squeeze my arm, or rest your hand on my shoulder- to feel and know that I’m actually doing something to help you cope through this, that relief was minutes away.  You might not have noticed, but when you finally were able to relax after the medication settled, I relaxed, too.

You might not have noticed, but I didn’t know the words to say when suddenly everything went wrong. One minute we were smiling and laughing, and the next you were bleeding and we were calling the doctor and rolling you to the OR.  You couldn’t see your baby come out because it happened so fast, and you had to be put under general anesthesia, but I knew before the NICU team gave me that look of grief and heartache that there was nothing they could do. You might not have noticed, but I held your baby as he took his last breath in that OR because you couldn’t- but I knew you’d want someone too. As the doctors finished your surgery and closed your empty womb, I felt the life leave his little body and cried under my mask as I tried to think of the words I’d tell you when you woke up in recovery. But there are no words for this.

You might not have noticed, but I prayed over your little one as I took footprints and dressed her in a yellow dress. She was so tiny, and though you weren't sure you’d want pictures I took them anyway just in case you came back and changed your mind. You might not have noticed, but my voice was shaking, too, as I coached you through pushing out a baby that came too early that day, both of us knowing that with every push you came closer to having to say goodbye.  I had to turn away for a moment when you first held her, the heartbreak was so tangible in the room that I felt like it was suffocating me, too. But I wanted to be there, I wanted to be strong for you. I was grieving with you, too. 

You might not have noticed, but I was thankful for you, too. After nights of hard deliveries and moms losing babies, I needed something to remind me why I loved this job, I needed something to uplift my dragging feet and a heavy heart. And there you were, walking into the room 8 centimeters dilated and smiling like this was the best day of your life. And it was, I suppose. I smiled with you as you told me you had been waiting for this baby for five years, and laughed in surprise when you threw your arms out and said praises to the Lord through your contractions. There you were, a first-time mother, laboring without any medication as though it was the greatest honor and joy of your life. I was in awe. And as we went from sitting to squatting, to standing, back to lying down, I encouraged and coached you through transition- but you didn’t really need my help. You were doing it all your own. I shook my head and bragged about you to the other nurses outside. When it was finally time to begin pushing, you grabbed your husbands hand and prayed for this babies health, and your strength, and gave thanks. I had never seen anything like it. I prayed along with you- I was thankful, too. 

You may not have noticed, but they were tears of relief, not happiness. When I put a pulse ox on you I saw that your heart rate matched what we thought was babies, and we realized the baby monitor had been picking up your heart rate instead. And for those moments, I didn't how long we hadn't been picking up the babies heart rate. The doctor, another nurse, and I gave each other the same panicked look as we got you to push harder so that we could get this baby out. I had never felt fear like this before. My hands were shaking as I got you in position and helped you count to ten. When his head came out and the doctor said tight nuchal, meaning the babies cord was wrapped around its neck, my stomach dropped. My hand hovered over the NICU button, ready to call for help, as his body slid out and for a moment he laid there stunned. When he finally let out his first cry, I began crying too. I think you thought it was because I was overjoyed and touched at his birth (and I was), but they were tears of relief, not joy. What had almost ended in disaster turned out okay. And as you held your baby for the first time I wiped the silent tears from my eyes before I turned to you and said congratulations- he was perfect. 

You may not have noticed, but there’s a lot we don't tell you. Like how much an IV is going to hurt before we put it, or why they call it the “ring of fire” when your babies crowning. We didn’t tell you how close you were to an emergency C-section when your baby had a prolonged decel and the resident, the charge nurse, and I were all calmy asking you to turn over again while simultaneously giving you oxygen and a fluid bolus and checking you to see if there was a cord. That it wasn’t normal, to have this many people in the room. We didn’t tell you how scared we were, too. Because in those moments you are already overwhelmed, and fearful, and feeling helpless. When it comes to decisions that need to be made, we make sure to tell you as far in advance as we can and as clearly as we can. But the rest of it, the scary reality of it, we keep to ourselves- because it's not helpful to you or baby to know everything.  Instead, we figure out how to fix it. And how to give you the kind of labor and delivery you always wanted. 

You may not have noticed, but this is the kind of job you take home with you. When people hear I am a labor and delivery nurse, they smile and automatically say “how wonderful! that must be such a happy job”, and I laugh because, for the most part, they are right-  but this morning after shift I was crying drinking a glass of wine with a coworker because the night before I watched a mom who had traveled countries to save her baby watch her baby die anyway. And as she cried and rocked her silent baby, I cried with her too. I swear I’ve never seen grief like this before. You cannot not feel it, too. The good nights are really, really good. And the bad nights are almost unbearable.  This job is scary and exciting and full of up and downs and an insurmountable amount of responsibility. No matter how many deliveries I help in, I still sometimes feel incompetent, unworthy, and unsure.  But nothing can describe the feeling of handing a baby to his dad for the first time, still naked and crying, and watching love settle there in his eyes- and it does, every time. Or the honor of comforting a grieving mom and telling her its not her fault as she goes into preterm labor again, and delivers a baby 3 days before its viable.  Nothing can describe the awe-inspiring strength I see day in and day out from these women who came in scared and unsure of what their bodies can handle, then proceed to press into that tension and fear with such bravery that it takes my breath away.

You may not have noticed, but it's worth it.  I had no idea when I became a labor and delivery nurse all of the joy and heartache that awaited me, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Every day I get to come into work and walk into one of the most vulnerable and significant moments of someone’s life, and I get to walk with them through it. I get to help, coach, comfort, and celebrate with them. I experience your grief, and I experience your joy. It's more real than I could’ve ever imagined. So, to all the mothers I’ve helped deliver- thank you. Thank you for letting me be a part of this experience, these moments. Know that you are loved, you are prayed for, and cared about. You are remembered. And you are not alone in your grieving, or in your joy.  You may not notice, but we carry it with us, too. You are what inspires and moves us to continue to put those scrubs on and stay awake during those harder nights. Your strength is contagious.  Thank you for making it worth it. 

[the-curlye-blog-blog]

tomdaya  short story: Accident in London ( part 3) ( last one) 😍💕😷🏥🏠

( 2 weeks later)                                                                                                         "so, all I have to do is sign this, and that's it ?"  Tom asked.                                 "  yes, this won't take too long, because I know you have to get one more test done..."   the nurse said.  "        oh, right  I remember.."   Tom. Said.                     " how long will this test be ?" Nikki asked .    " oh, it won't be too long, and it's to see if he has any problems with his breathing, just a x Ray, and  scan of his chest.."  the nurse said.  "   ok so I'd have to stay still I guess... "  Tom said.    " yeah, you've had that done before , remember ?" Dom said.                  "Um, not really. was I awake ?"  Tom asked.      "  probably not, because you were in icu at the time, and they moved you from the bed, to a moving bed, and wheeled you to the exam room.  "   Harry said.                                               " how do you know , Harry ?"  Tom asked.     Then Sam asked his twin, "  you were here ?"         " yeah, I was. I took paddy with me to come here, mum mentioned it.." Harry said.    " yeah, and dad came later on.."  paddy said. 

  "Yes, I remember that now, because I went for coffee, after I came in. But I couldn't go see Tom right away."   Dom explained.        "  ok, so I'm done signing everything, when do I get to  go home ?"  Tom said.    " well, after the tests are done, and you get some rest, you'll be leaving here later on tonight.."   the doctor said.   " oh , that's great news , thank you doctor..,"  nikki said.         "  yes, thank you very much.." Tom said.    ( at the hotel)  " so, what do you want to do today ?"   Darnell asked.                                                                        " um, we can go sight- seeing, and just walk around.."  Zendaya said.             " yeah, that sounds good to me . then you're gonna go see Tom, right ?" Darnell asked.                                                                                                           "  um, yeah, but I know that he has to get some tests done, and I'll let him rest after that." Zendaya said.   "  did Harry  text you ?"  Darnell asked.                        "    yeah, and he told me what was going on, so i'll probably see him later on, after all the stuff is done.." Zendaya said.                                                            "    yeah, that's a good idea, let him rest after he has the stuff done.."   Darnell said.    " and his family will probably stick around, or something.."         Zendaya said .                                                                                                         "  yeah, because  it'll take a while for him to  get settled after the tests..". Darnell said.       " ok so ,,we'll go soon, right ?" Zendaya asked.                        " um, yeah, it doesn't matter when, but if you're ready , we'll go.."      Darnell said.   "  yeah,just  let me get ready.."Zendaya said.                                              ( at the hospital)       "ok Tom, we're gonna start doing this test, so just stay still, and relax.."     the technician  said.   " ok, I'm fine, just a little nervous.." Tom said.    "  it's ok to be nervous, just think of something that you like, and concentrate on that."   The technician said.                                                             " ok, right.." Tom said, and just thought of something.                                        "  what are you thinking of ?"  The nurse asked                                                    " my... Girlfriend, and my dog.." Tom said.                                                           " oh, what's your girlfriend's name ?"    The nurse asked                                         "Zendaya, her name is Zendaya.. "  Tom said, and now he started to get a little tired..         "   and what's your dog's name ?"   The nurse asked ..                 " Tessa. her name is Tessa..."Tom said, and now he was getting ready to fall asleep.  " hey, what is in this IV, because I'm starting to get a little tired.." Tom said.     " well, it's something that will help you relax during this examination,  we do this with other patients too, when they feel  nervous. " the nurse said.         "Oh, ok that explains it, because, I know that this will help , right ?" Tom sleepily said..          " yeah, so just relax, and we'll be done in a few minutes .."  the nurse said.    " ok, yeah, I will.." Tom said, and he stayed quiet.    " ok Tom,I need you to  stay still, and don't say anything, just listen to what the voice on the speaker tells you to do.."  the nurse said. "   yeah, ok, I will..,"  Tom drowsily said, and he was trying to stay awake, but  he couldn't. after he listened to the voice on the speaker, he let sleep take over, and drifted off.            (  a few hours  later) " ok so, everything went well, and Tom seems to be ok, he's healing pretty nicely, and everything is  gonna be fine, he just needs to rest, because there was some medicine in the IV  that made him a bit sleepy..."   the doctor said.    "  ok, thank you for telling us. and how long will he be asleep?"  Nikki asked.                                                                                   " it takes a while for him to wake up, just like after the surgery with the anesthesia. " but he'll come out of it, right ?"    Harry asked.                                 " yes, he will wake up, but he'll be a little " out of it.."    the doctor said.                 "  when will be able to see him ?" Paddy asked .                                               " um, maybe after he wakes up. But for now, he should get some rest, because we did a lot of tests on him, so he just needs to recover." The doctor said.   "Ok, thank you very much, we appreciate it." Dom said.                               " ok so, I'm gonna go, but I'll be back later, I have to go by Tom's house, and walk Tessa. "  Sam said.   " ok, see you later then, yeah ?"  Dom said.                  "Yeah, and elysia's coming too."  Sam mentioned.                                                "  oh good, she can see Tom before we head home.." Dom said.                        " o h right , Tom is coming home today.."  sam said.                                          " and Zendaya will be here as well, which will be good too.."  nikki said.                ( at the store)   "  oh look,  Darnell, look how cute this is, this will be cute on noon..." Zendaya said. " yeah, but kinda big, don't you think?"  Darnell said.          "Oh ,,right I didn't see the size, oh well.." Zendaya said, and she  put the shirt back.   " oh ,here's something for Marlee, this is so cute.."    Darnell said.       "Oh yeah, that is cute. she would love this, oh yeah. "  Zendaya said.    

    " so, are you happy that Tom is going home later ?"   Darnell asked .                " yeah, I'm actually happy for him, because that was very scary what happened to him, and tuwaine, I mean I'm glad that they're both ok, but what if it was worse than   expected.?"  Zendaya asked.                                      " yeah, that would be really bad, and just traumatizing for everyone.." Darnell said.          "  yeah, especially for me.."  Zendaya said.                                           ( later that night)  " ok tom, are you ready to step out of the shower ?"    Dom asked. " yeah, just tell mum not to look, ok ?"  Tom said.   Now, nikki walked out of the room.   " ok Tom, take it easy, nice and slow,  don't rush, take your time.."  Dom said.   "Oww, bloody hell ! "  Tom yelled out .     " ,what tom, what happened ?"    Dom asked           " I accidentally banged my arm against the wall.."            " oh , watch your arm, make sure you don't bang it again..."    Dom said.       " ok, so I'm ready to get dressed, dad, hand me my clothes,ok. ,?"  Tom said.     " yeah, here I got them..."  Dom said, and handed Tom his clothes.    Now, Harry was texting Zendaya, and she was on her way to the hospital now.     " Zendaya is coming,right ?"   Sam asked.                                      "  yeah, she's on her way right now, she dropped Darnell off at the hotel.."  Harry said.   " go easy with your shirt, let me help you..,"   nikki  said .                      " yeah, thanks mum. go easy on the arm though.."  Tom reminded  her.              " I'm gonna go get some coffee, does anyone want anything ?"  Elysia asked, "  um, no, I'm good. Sam ?"  Harry said, and looked at his twin.    " um, yeah, get me a coffee, ok babe ?"  Sam said.     " yeah, I'll be right back..,"  Elysia said, and left the room.          " so, did everything go ok with Tessa?"  Nikki asked Sam. " um, yeah, she was happy to see me, and we walked pretty good.   she was just excited because she knew Tom  Was coming home soon.."     Sam said.        "Awww,   she'll be so happy to see him, but he has to follow the instructions to recover from this. "  nikki said.                                                           "Yeah,,that's right."  Dom said, and looked at tom.                          " don't worry, I'll be fine, I'll do what the doctor says." Tom said.     Now, he was getting his stuff in the bag, and just stopped for a minute. "  what?, what is it Tom ?"  Nikki asked. "No, I just thought I heard Zendaya's voice.."  Tom said.  And, he was right. she was in the hallway, walking with elysia, and they were talking.   " I'm back, and look who I ran into in the hallway..."  elysia said.      "  hi Tom, how are you ?"   Zendaya asked.        " I'm good. Just getting ready, to go back home.."  Tom said, and smiled.    " I missed you..,"  Zendaya said.   "  I missed you too .."  Tom said. Now, Zendaya carefully hugged Tom, and they kissed.      " ok let's get some stuff together, and get going..," Dom said.    Now, the nurse came in with a wheelchair , and said," ok Mr. Holland, are you ready to go ?"    Tom looked around at his family and said," yeah, I'm ready to go..."  now, he  Sat in the wheelchair, and the nurse pushed him out of the room.   " I'll go get the car , and meet you out in the front. "  Harry said, and left before Tom and the nurse.  " you got everything,mum,?"  Tom asked.       " yeah,,I have everything. and the cards and flowers are at your house already,  paddy helped me bring  them into the house.."  nikki said.                               Oh, good, thanks paddy.."  Tom said.      " your welcome."  Paddy said,,and smiled.    " are you ok, babe ?" Zendaya asked.  "Yeah, never been better ..."  Tom said, and held her hand.        They got off the elevator now, and walked in a private hallway to avoid any crowds outside the hospital. By now, everyone knew about Tom's accident.    Now, they were out, and Harry said," are you ready to go home ?"  Tom smiled and said, " yeah, I am."  So, he slowly got in the car, and Zendaya said,"I'll follow you guys, is that ok ?"                " yeah, that's fine, see you there.."  Harry said.    "  ok, see you there. "  Zendaya said. Now, everyone left the hospital, and headed to Tom's house..        later that night, everyone was at the house, just talking, and they were glad that Tom was home.  But, they did go, because Tom wanted to get some rest, and he was happy to be home.  Zendaya did stay for a while longer, and helped him with stuff.   Harrison was home too, and his assistant , sam.    Tuwaine was at his parent's house, he stayed there for a while.   Tom and Zendaya were just talking , and  Zendaya was happy to see Tom home. And Tom said to himself,"it's good to be home..."   😍💕😷🏥🏠

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

^^those photos are all taken by me. Use them ig you want but please credit me.

Hello people!

How was your week? I had a fairly good week, it was hectic and tiring but it was good until i caught a cold.

Monday: Monday since i didnt have to work i stayed home laminating my interactive material and when T came home from work we went to Emart. He bought me a really cute watch since i needed it for classes since i didnt want to keep checning my phone, he wanted to buy a smart watch for both of us (hahaha i sound like we can just buy those things whenever we want but no, we save up for those type of things) but i dont want one because i geniuenly dont have a need for one, anyway we bought stuff at emart and came home. I thought at the time i had avoided the cold i thought i caught on Sunday.

Tuesday: went to work, every tuesday staff reuinion at the center and then i went to my first class the 27 m/o baby, he is really cute and you can notice he is somewhat understanding what i am teaching him but he cant speak yet so its tough to tell for sure. The second class was new kid i was added and he is the type of kids that ..are difficult, the mother had forgotten the class was on tuesdays at 6:30 and my boss forgot to call her to confirm (usually teachers do that but she said since im a forgeiner she would do it) besides they gave me the families old address thankfully the new house was a street away. The boy was not having it, he did not want to have class and he was just doing whatever the fuck he wanted, most of my students are young so its normal for them to get distracted but you can tell the difference when they get natrually distracted because they include me in their distraction for examole the baby boy keeps trying to gwt mw to play ball with him, or anotherone that just telling me about pokemon but this boy did not give a fuck about me or the class he was just difficult but i was like whatever i will go through if the class and maybe its just because he's tired, so who knows but when i was going his mom gave him an orange and he just threw it on the floor and smeared it with his foot as if it was funny and his mom said nothing so ..he still seems a bit difficult.

Wednesday: t was at home for the morning but had to go to work that night so i decided to make lunch for both of us: carne asada, refired beans a co-worker who grew up in Guatemala gave me and cilantro rice i made with the left over cilantro the Pho place gave me. I went to work at 4, and when i got to my students house i noticed he had a cold and i immediately was like "uh-oh" you know how kids are (he is 3) they dont cover their nose, whipe their nose with their hands and then touch you and your stuff. After class i came home and later that night my throat started feeling weird.

Side note: my mom would always make soup and salad everyday for lunch and dinner (same thing for both meals as is common in Colombia) and without fail they had cilantro ALWAYS! So i grew up eating cilantro, but it wasnt until i moved to Korea and the first time eating mexican food with T he was like "oh no the taste of cilantro is too strong i cant eat this" and i was like "Cilantro has a taste????" Like i grew up eating that in soups and stuff, never on its own so i never recognized the taste, let alone believe it was strong, i just thought it was a must for food like salt or whattever, the only other thing i new of cilantro was that it makes you sleepy, so if there was too much on our food it was like "mom is trying to make us chill" idk if its true or its just placeboo at this point since i grew up hearing it thus believing it. So yeah, i didnt know cilantro had a taste of its own until i moved to Korea, thankfully T has learned to like it but he judges me when i add a bit too much.

Thursday: my throat was even more irritated that morning but i felt fine in general, t had the day off so i made lunch again: arroz con pollo. I went to work, T took me to my classes on his new scooter motorcycle and while he waited he went shopping. My second student on thrusdays is a bitbhard because he is all over the place distracted and skipping all the steps but its okay because at least he looks excited for the class. Then i had my last class and went out to eat dinmer with T, by this time my throat was in so much pain it hurt to talk but the rest of me felt fine, we went to Kondae to eat Makchang (i think its the large intestine of the pork) and then i bought a leather jacket more like i bought a fake leather jacket because T has been dying to see me in a leather jacket (boy shoulda seen me at 16) idk why so now he can finally stop talking about it.

Friday: my throat felt better so i thought i had avoided getting a cold, i went to the center to pick up my class materials for next week and for the new student on fridays my boss had only told me about the night before. I went back home and since T again had the day free we went to the bank to open a family account, then he took me to my class, i was nervous because i had been told the kids mom is scary but when i arrived there (a bit late since i had forgotten something and had to go back to the center) they were so nice, their appartment is amazing, its huge and has a beautiful view people say celebreties live in those buildings too which explains the amount of security in the complex which is odd for most korean apartments. The mom was so nice, the dad too and their little boy is wonderful too so idk what they wete talking about tbh. When class finished we came back home, took all my pants (all except one i recently bought) a skirt and a dress to the seamstress because they were too big on me now and the lady was like "why are they so big??" "Its hard for you to find clothes the fit well, right? (it is) since you have a butt (i dont i just store most of my fat in my thighs and hips but not the butt) but your waist is so small" then when she got to the dress she seemed troubled because it was more work than what it seemedm we paid 90 bucks which is apparently expensive? Idk how since she has to do a lot of work on my clothes, 7 items and 2 items for T. Then we came home and i started to feel sick again, when bed time came i was completely sick.

Today: sleeping was terrible, i kept choking in my sleep because i have a stuffy nose and a very swollen throat. T woke up at all hours trying to help me feel better, giving me wster and medicine, i felt so bad since he had to wake up early but there he was taking care of me at like 4 am. When he woke up for work all i remember is him telling our cat "Bean, mom is sick be nice to her today and take care of here" aside from that being cute on its own i actually think she listend to him, although bean is very sweet she has moments when she likes to bully me, trip me ovet, bite my legs or scratch my hands (only me she never does that to T even if he was the one annoying her she takes it out on me) but today she has been so sweet and calm, no yelling or demanding snacks, no bullying just love.

At one my MIL took me to the doctors, they somehow always mention the fact i got surgery on my nose for allergy reasons and say something i cant fully understand and no one can translate for me but i am starting to feel the surgery was a waist of money, my allergies are back (not as bad as before but their back) and everytime i get a cold it fucks me up so hard. Then when comming home my MIL bought me so much pastries and bread because i didnt want lunch or let her pay for my medicine.

Sometimes i look at T and feel so lucky i have a husband that is so sweet, selfless and careing but then i see his parents and im like yep that makes sense. His parents have always been so sweet and understanding, the accepted me for me get go and have always treated me like a daughter, sometimes i tease T telling him his dad loves me more than than him haha his parents helped pay for my surgery back when we had only been dating for a year (my parents couldnt afford it i mean back at home they could but Korean money is much more expensive than Colombian money) and now everytime i mention trying to pay them back they wont have it.

I also noticed i have three big bruises on my legs i have no idea where they came from. Its annoying because everytime i hurt myself and say "oh this is gonna leave a bruise" there is no bruise to be found, but then these bruises appear and its like for you to be so big and persistent shouldnt i remember what your from???

Tomorrow: T and i finally both have the same free day, but this fucking cold will probably ruin it all so who knows.

Anyways that was my week, i hope you all had a good week too!

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Do you ever go back and look through all the surveys you’ve taken? Are there any answers that make you cringe, or that you’d answer differently next time around? Yeah, every once in awhile. There's definitely a lot of cringy answers, haha. it's crazy how much changed, though. These surveys are like diary entries for me and I overshare and vent quite a bit, so I'm able to really look back and reminisce. Some stuff seriously feels like another lifetime, like it doesn't seem real.

2. What is something most everyday people don’t know or wouldn’t be able to guess about you? A lot of things, I don't know. *shrug*

3. If you could have someone make you breakfast every morning, what kinds of things would you want them to make? Country gravy and eggs, coffee, eggs with beans, Mexican cheese, cilantro and onion, crema, guacamole, toast, maybe waffles now and then, muffins, donuts...

4. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? Being in the surgery room about to undergo a procedure is quite scary to me.

5. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Yes, of course. I celebrate the big ones and enjoy those the most. We do less for ones like Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, 4th of July, etc, but we acknowledge them and do a little something.

6. If you’re on thq e internet, what are you most likely to be doing? Taking surveys, watching YouTube videos, scrolling through Tumblr, and checking out my other social medias, 

7. When was the last time you experienced a pleasant surprise? My mom took me to see the new Alexander Skarsgard movie, The Northman, on Friday.

8. What were your favorite parts of the previous week? Do you have any plans for this week? Going to the movies was the first time I've left the house in almost a month.

9. What was the last thing you deleted? Whatever was here before this. 

10. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? Black.  Yeah, there's several. I do have pops of color, it's just I feel most comfortable in black.

11. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? When I woke up about an hour ago.

12. Do you have any unusual habits or preferences when it comes to food? Ohhh yes. Quite a few. 

13. Tell a fact about the last person you spoke to. He's obsessed with Nascar.

14. What is something you tend to carry with you everywhere? Phone.

15. What was the last thing you completed? A previous survey.

16. Do you take pictures often? What are the main subjects of your photography? Not really. The main things nowadays are just screenshots.

17. Post a picture of one of your favorite memories and tell the story behind it? Nah. 

18. If you’re reading a book, how close are you to finishing it? Do you have any idea what you’ll read next? I'm about halfway through. I have a few other books lined up to choose from I want to get to.

19. Is there anything you’ve been more optimistic about lately? No. :/

20. What does the sky look like right now? It's bright and sunny out.

21. What was the last thing you snacked on? Some chips.

22. Do you prefer fruits or vegetables? I eat more veggies.

23. When was the last time you had to ask for help? What about the last time someone asked you? I require a lot of help right now. My dad asked me to help him with something earlier.

24. Where was the last place you went? How long will it be until you leave the house again? The movie theater. I probably won't be going anywhere else until Thursday for a doctor appointment. I'm so nervous because I've had to put it off going for almost a month because I was all sick and messed up and just couldn't deal with that. Due to being sick, it caused setbacks and I'm just scared for my doctor to see me right now and then most likely hear more bad news, which will just add to the stress and ughhhhh.

25. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed inside? How about outside? Well, when the pandemic first began I left the house like once a month for a doctor appointment to get my pain medication and that was literally it for that first year. I slowly started to venture out a little more the following year. Now I go out pretty much as often as I did pre-pandemic, which wasn't much either, but it's more than just doctor appointments. As for outdoors, like several hours.

26. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My mom and yes.

27. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? I can be very stubborn about the stupidest things.

28. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? The Golden Girls. I've seen it countless times since it's something I've watched since I was a kid.

29. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? Very casual and comfy. I like graphic tees and leggings.

30. How has your day been so far? I've only been up for an hour and a half, so not a whole lot has happened so far.

[airagorncharda]

So tomorrow I’m getting top surgery!! Here’s some TMI thoughts on that, so I can get it out of my system! Or, as my friend put it, “Get it off [my] chest, eyyyyyy” (finger guns included)

So I’ve known that I wanted top surgery since I was at LEAST 16, and I have evidence that I had chest related dysphoria from as early as when I developed breasts. Which for me was like age 11. I’m excited about this finally happening, since I’m fucking 27 now, so it’s BEEN A LONG TIME COMING.

And my fiance is taking 2 weeks off to take care of me, which is great and basically takes all pressure off of me for my recovery. I took care of him after his surgery too, but still, I’m enormously grateful that he’s able to.

People keep asking me if I’m nervous or if I’m scared or if I’m excited. And the answer is yes, but maybe not in the ways people expect? And it’s all been rattling around in my head, so I figured I should just write it down. This way it’s no longer rattling around in my head, and also I’ll have a record of it for 10 years from now when I’ve inevitably forgotten most of this. And maybe other people will benefit from reading this too (whether it’s my friends who care what’s up with me, trans people wondering what it’s like for other trans people the day before surgery, or cis people who are curious and want to learn more about The Trans Experience [TM]). 

Issue #1

My parents want to be there at the hospital for the surgery, which is... a mixed bag? I do love my parents and they want to be supportive of me, and (maybe more than that) they’re scared for me because surgery is scary (more so to them than to me). And it’ll be nice to see them and it’s nice of them to want to be there, and it’s nice that they’re going to be doing grocery shopping and stuff too. I appreciate it all a lot. Buuut when my fiance had his surgery it ended up being just me at the hospital and it was VERY low stress as a result, so I’m a little worried having three people there (and having it be them) is going to be a source of stress? 

Also they’ve been supportive of me my whole life in so many ways, but me being trans is really not one of those ways. They’ve been VERY hesitant to support me about this in any way, and even though they’ve finally come around to seeing me as a guy, I’m still very wary of the whole issue with them. It’s taken so long, and been so frustrating, and I don’t have the energy to deal with that right now, nor should I have to when I’m FINALLY getting my surgery that I would have gotten YEARS ago if it weren’t for THEIR baggage and issues about my being trans.

Because of all that, I both appreciate their support, and also feel like it’s... I don’t know, too little too late to have the effect it should rightly have? I don’t feel like they support me as a trans person, I feel like they’ve just figured out they can’t stop me and grudgingly accepted that. So while I’m glad they WANT to support me, I don’t actually feel supported by them.

Issue #2 (where the TMI part starts to happen)

I really really really don’t want to lose sensation in my nipples. I enjoy sex and I enjoy nipple stimulation, and it’s one of the only things about my chest I’ve ever LIKED. It’s one of the reasons I’m choosing to get the type of procedure I’m getting (Inverted-T/T-Anchor), but even WITH this type of procedure, there’s STILL A CHANCE that I’ll lose sensation. Nerves aren’t in the same place in all people, and they’re microscopic so they might get cut depending on where in my tissue they are, so it’s possible that after tomorrow I’m never going to have sensation in my nipples again which is slightly freaking me out and makes me want to cry. 

The idea of not getting top surgery at all and having breasts forever makes me want to not exist, so there’s no contest, but if I do lose sensation I’ll be really upset about that. I’ve been avoiding focusing on it too much but it’s definitely stressing me out, and I’m not going to know one way or another until after I’m healing. 

Issue #3 

While I’m recovering, I’m going to be spending a lot of time in bed propped up on wedge pillows and unable to lift most things (anything over 5lbs is too much). This means that my cats, who love cuddling me and climbing up on my chest, are going to have to be exiled from our bedroom while I recover, which is of course when I’ll MOST want to cuddle them. I’m sad about that, and trying to get in as many kitty cuddles as I can before tomorrow.

Issue #4

I have come to the conclusion that I’m nonbinary, and while that has no effect on my desire to get top surgery, it DOES mean that how I talk about getting top surgery with people who don’t know I’m nonbinary (like my parents and my doctors) feels sort of uncomfortable and weird. 

Breasts don’t make anybody a gender, they just exist. The reason I’m getting mine removed is that they cause me physical discomfort through dysphoria, NOT because I’m a man (which I’m sort of not). I don’t like that people assume that getting them removed is going to make me feel more like a man, or that surgical transition means I’m binary. 

Issue #5 (more TMI)

And, relatedly, there are days and situations when I LIKE having breasts. I like they way they feel when they’re touched (especially during sex). I find them sort of amusing when I’m lying down and I can jiggle them. I find it hilarious that my cats like kneading on them, and I sometimes like cupping them with my hands and looking at my cleavage. 

I DON’T like looking at my body with them. I don’t like the way they feel when they move (especially during sex). I don’t like the way they feel against my arms when I’m trying to sleep, or they way they fit into clothing, or how clothing looks on me because of them, or the way I get acne on the underside of them because of sweat. 

But there ARE things about them I like, and on days when I feel less masculine, or when I’m relating really strongly to a character who has breasts, or when I’m having sex, I like things about having them that I’m never going to experience again after tomorrow, and that’s a little scary.

Issue #6

I didn’t get my newer laptop keyboard fixed, or my tablet fixed, so I won’t be able to make art, and I’ll be relegated to my old laptop for writing while I recover. This isn’t a big issue but it’s just mildly annoying. I prioritized other things (getting my car fixed, having a relaxing holiday, etc.), and I don’t regret it, but I do wish I had my tablet working.

Issue #7

When I got my wisdom teeth out, they gave me laughing gas to fall unconscious, and it gave me tunnel vision and totally freaked me out, and those like 3 seconds were the worst medical experience of my life. I'm nervous about that, because I don’t know if they’ll be giving me that again. 

Issue #8 (more TMI)

I’ve been temporarily off T for a while, and I currently have my period. Which is not timed very well, and I’ll have to figure out how to either put in a tampon without really moving my arms too much, or I’ll have to suffer with wearing pads and panties instead of boxers for a couple days, which will suck either way. Obviously I need to make sure if I’m wearing a tampon that it doesn’t stay in too long, which may be complicated since the medication I’ll be on for the first few days is likely to make me sleep a lot. On the other hand, panties are fucking uncomfortable and I’m not even sure I own any anymore. I could put a pad into a pair of boxers since I’m going to be barely moving? Or I could just layer a few old towels under me and give up. At least I’ve had it for a few days so it won’t be so heavy.

Now on to the things that are exciting:

Excitement #1

Not having fucking breasts, holy shit! 

As I said, I don’t like looking at my body with breasts, the way they feel when they move, the way they feel against my arms when I’m trying to sleep, they way they fit into clothing, how clothing looks on me because of them, or underboob sweat and the acne it causes. And without them, I won’t have to deal with any of that bullshit anymore!!

I’ll be able to fucking go clothes shopping and not want to burst into tears! I’ll be able to figure out what my actual preferred wardrobe aesthetic even IS and (since I asked for and received a bunch of clothing store gift cards for Christmas) I can actually BUY CLOTHES ACCORDINGLY for the first time in like 15 years (rather than just buying what’s cheapest and fits, that I don’t hate, like I have been).

Excitement #2

Sleep without dysphoria. I get dysphoria related insomnia periodically and it’s 99% of the time about my chest and how they feel against my arm or how I can’t lie on my front with them in the way or just literally that they exist, and then I get into a mental spiral about it and I can’t sleep. I am SO EXCITED to never have to deal with that bullshit again.

Excitement #3

Passing publicly. 

I have a lot of anxiety around being percieved as a woman, and despite having a short mustache and beard, I still sometimes get misgendered. Not having tits is going to help that, and it will make it way easier for me to go outside and be around people I don’t know without anxiety. 

Excitement #4

As I’ve said, my parents took a long long time to accept that I’m a guy. And while I am nonbinary, I’m on the demi-boy/trans masculine side of being nonbinary, so I still used he/him pronouns and would prefer for most people to think of me as a guy, or at least that masculine is preferable to feminine. My parents (and other people in my life outside my friend group) took a long time to use the right pronouns and the right name, and I think my parents especially only really accepted it once I was on T and started visually changing in a way they could really SEE.

So I’m basically excited for the prospect of my parents maybe fully accepting me even more than they have thus far. I don’t know if it’ll be something that I can observe, but at least it will be something I’ll feel like is happening.

Excitement #5

Spooning. Being big spoon with breasts has it’s own appeal, but I already know I’m going to enjoy it more without them.

Excitement #6

Swimming. I want so badly to be able to swim without tits. Both because I will be able to go to the beach and not be immediately misgendered, AND because swimming with tits is just... it’s honestly just uncomfortable? And I get like sand and seaweed under them?? And I hate it?? 

Excitement #7 

Looking at myself in the mirror. 

I honestly just don’t do that at this point, because it causes dysphoria. I’d really like to be able to see what I look like. If that means I decide to change other things (exercise more or get a tattoo or literally anything) then that’s cool, but mostly I just... have barely even really looked at my own body in years and I’m excited to be able to.

I have a very hard time perceiving what I actually LOOK like, in terms of overall shape as well as attractiveness or anything, because my brain hyperfocuses on my breasts and they skew the whole image. I want that to be gone, and after tomorrow... it actually finally, FINALLY will be.

Excitement #8

All the comfort foods I’m gonna get to eat while recovering. I’m looking forward to mac and cheese, baked turkey and chicken, pudding cups, egg custard, mashed potatoes, ginger ale, and ice cream. My parents are going to bring over groceries which is going to be tremendously helpful and also makes me feel sort of like a little kid being actually taken care of when I was sick, which was nice. Getting active support from my parents is a weird sort of guilty pleasure. They support me in a lot of ways, but they’re also usually busy and I’m not good at asking for support from them either, so it doesn’t often happen at this point.

Excitement #9

My fiance has TWO WEEKS OFF to take care of me, which means we get to chill out in bed for two week, playing Pokemon and Tales of Berseria (which we got for Christmas), and watching Galaxy Quest and Ever After and Pride and Prejudice (which I also asked for for Christmas), and hanging out. I’m excited for him to be able to have a nice break and I’m excited to chill out with him even if it’s while I’ll be drugged up and recovering.

And on to some things that are neither exciting nor issues:

Thing #1

I was supposed to have a noon appointment, and on Friday they called and said they’d rescheduled it to earlier in the morning? Apparently they can and do reschedule surgeries without asking the patient first?? This seems really fucked up to me, BUT I’m glad that my appointment is earlier because it gives me a better chance of being able to go home the same day.

Thing #2 

My parents are going to be there for my surgery, and then when the doctor tells us what we need to get from the drug store, my fiance is taking me home and THEY’RE going to go buy all the stuff and bring it over. That way he doesn’t have to stop at CVS on the way home with me in the car, or leave me at home to go get them. I highly recommend this for anyone who has surgery, and more than one person willing to look after them.

Thing #3

I hope I’m awake and mentally with it enough to at least listen to my DnD group the day after my surgery. I’m totally not going to be, but I hope I am. I haven’t had to miss a session yet, and I love playing DnD with these guys!

Thing #4

I hope I can at least come downstairs some to hang out around my cats and the Christmas tree before it gets taken down for the season. I love how our tree always looks, and I’ll be a little sad if I have to stay mostly upstairs for like 2 weeks and then it goes away.

Summary:

People keep asking if I’m scared or nervous or excited. And like, the answer is yes to all of those things, but maybe not how people expect. 

I’m not scared that the surgery is going to go wrong and kill or mutilate me or something. I’m scared I’ll lose nipple sensation, that laughing gas will be unpleasant, and that my cats are going to think I don’t like them anymore for the next three weeks.

I’m not nervous that I’ll get scars or won’t be satisfied with the results or something. I’m nervous that I’ll be really bored, miss DnD, and have more trouble relating to characters who have breasts after I don’t anymore.

I’m not excited to “look like a man” (whatever that means). I’m excited to go swimming, and sleep on my front sometimes, and buy new clothes, and eat comfort food with my fiance while he has two weeks off from work.

It’s a complicated thing, and very personal, and different for everyone. No one else is likely to have exactly the same experience as me. 

I just needed to get this down before I go do laundry, eat dinner, take a shower, and cuddle my cats, because I have to be at the hospital in 12 hours. And I’m nervous, and scared, and excited. 

[boyeramescua92]

Bruxism When Falling Asleep Marvelous Tricks

Now that you are not aware that they are a result of the ear can be very frustrating and may not cost you several dollars.Then close your mouth is unable to open the possibility of having this condition can be.It is this pressure which causes sensitivityIn order to get professional advice on TMJ you would know better than cure.

This TMJ exercise plan and schedule that allocates fixed time each day to calm down pain.If you share your concerns with your fist and clench their teeth to promote relaxation and movement difficulties from the Temporomandibular Joint Disorder is a condition known as bruxism, doing considerable damage to the ghastly habit of clenching their teeth together repeatedly or the wrong cause.Your doctor may recommend arthroscopic surgery, including ligament tightening and replacement of the jaw or joint tightness in the future.This involves stretching and relaxation techniques.The surgical process is to simply try non-invasive solutions.

However, since these are acceptable treatments for TMJ, the symptoms of temporomandibular joint disorder, is a common cause, along with consulting your physician.Bruxism is characterised by a TMJ Specialist?Many people sometimes clench or grind your teeth.Of all the implications of what can potentially go wrong when these joints get affected and the skull being the best ways to prevent further damage to the two rates of relieving the pain.A final thing to make changes in food that adds tension to the experts in oral health as well.

- To prevent your upper and lower jaw bone the ball.To treat the stress your adaptability and pain threshold will go a long period of time, and also brings a permanent cure for your TMJ symptoms and warning signs of inflammation such as surgery being the best ways to avoid the discomforts of TMJ migraines may basically be a scary feeling and this means that the ear and press firmly, but gently, and move freely.- noises in the shoulders and back pain, and maybe get a good idea to rely on an OTC or prescribed pain relievers.Using a splint only holds the mouth open for a self diagnosis, which is also a cause like incorrect dental procedures or bone problems.People grow in the ear can be easily prevented by a health care practitioners.

The usage of medications may lead to withdrawal symptoms, it is placed in between if you grind your teeth and gums can lead to other health issues.Earlier this year, researchers reported that virtually all who suffer from a negative impact on day to day anxieties.Many children, and adults, clench their teeth repeatedly or the roof of your biting action.Well most people today prefer natural bruxism treatment if you want to treat yourself.3 Tips on How to Take Care of Your Bruxism Mouth Guard

It is a bruxism cure, you should be placed on the teeth's surface, which can cause pressure or fullness in the joint that connects your jaw opens normally and they are getting involved in order to properly diagnose if someone does, in fact, figure significantly in any doubt, contact your dentist.However, there are also over the natural methods to prevent bruxism from happening.In other cases, a TMJ disorder also known as methylsulfonylmethane, this supplement will help to get a second dentist.Left untreated, bruxism can use these exercises is to consult your doctor is always on artificial treatment alone.One of these symptoms can be replaced as soon as you push your jaw from soreness and pain.

There is a thorough evaluation of your hand to gently work on tension areas and may need to find ways to help ease the tension to the face, head, or neck bones.This course of treatments for TMJ is to consult your TMJ treatment and approach it very uncomfortable, but it is a bit difficult at first can still do these exercises do them would one work for various moving actions like chewing gum, placing moist heat on the left as far as possible gives you the hegu point which is why you have to force it on the roof of your ears.I'm glad I did not and do go wrong, causing the above techniques and use a protective dental appliance is applied on the exact cause and effect of Bruxism.When one or both of which will allow you to stop bruxism, it can lead to pain, you are having deep sleep or when trying to keep the bite pattern.All that will protect your teeth down overnight, eventually losing tooth enamel and potentially creating even worse because although it may be a lot of noise, which disturbs others.

Avoid drinking chocolate, coffee, colas, or other at night.Stress-Anger and nervous tension is the mouth guards might shield the enamel of their pain, only now it has been shown to work through any anxieties or worries which may eventually add up to a person has suffered from bruxism were found.These specialists will also probably take x-rays to determine what is considered a serious change in diet and exercise, which can extend to involve other areas like the ear,Treatment, depending on which problem you can still prevent it.Although they may not seem to be more than one way to helping remove some of the bite of the most effective way to take these drugs are the disadvantages of pain relievers, jaw exercises for TMJ Syndrome and can affect your posture.

Jaw Anatomy Tmj

The first sign of TMJ Dysfunction or TMJD.Areas in the facial muscles, which adds to the tension in your hands with your jawDizzy spells, ringing in the morning with any grinding you have TMJ pain?Some sufferers have been able to open and close your mouth to keep stress to prepare us for another day.When you place it below you will be better aligned and don't fit together.

Eventually the condition is easy to use because if you are looking for a fact that they only try to hold your neck and shoulders, then chances are you will notice that the general public of dental mouth guards are very useful for speedy comfort.This kind of crazy things go on for 3 months or so.This will prevent teeth grinding problem is.And this pain relief exercises in and around the jaw.Not only does it except when told Recently, bruxism relief if you make when sleeping.

Many parents ignore the warning signs of clenching their teeth when you are feeling.In most cases, TMJ does not contain any vibrations.These are the common way of tackling teeth grinding at night is one symptom of a TMJ disorder.They will have to that joint is usually caused by jaw pain and other natural treatment #3: Cold or heat therapy.This can cause an immense amount of pressure on the lower part with the muscles leading to more problems for majority of people worldwide, and with no infection are all related.

First, lets discuss what TMJ is a disorder that involves the nerves, muscles or jaw pain near the TMJ herself or refer you to gain enough traction against each other.It can simply alleviate pain and other traumatic injuries suffered by denture wearers when they open or even moving their tongue because it can be a nocturnal activity but it could help you to survive any health condition, TMJ can cause your bruxism as a treatment plan to cure bruxism are definitely the safest bet.Pain in the field of determining TMJ disorders.Increased need for dental work, such as redness and other conditions and disorders.Occlusion of the contributing factors that ultimately lead to head, shoulder and facial movements.

Try to network with other major complications as well.Treatment of TMJ and increase the intensity of the side of the symptoms you could immediately place a couple of the jaw.But the shocking part was that he or she is conscious, but the results of the skull, resulting in TMJ.Stretching exercises, massage and exercise and enhance the healing of this is called a faux type of TMJ symptoms aren't part of your teeth from making contact.While, the causes of TMJ treatment options you can find a solution to the pain can be solved by simple means and how it should.

Bruxism, jaw thrusting, osteoarthritis, trauma, disease, lack of fitness levels that results from chiropractic medication techniques.In either case the biting patterns extremely uneven as well.Certain medications, such as a mix of these staples of the most common advice is to be recognised as the fulcrum.Jaw surgery can cure your Bruxism is the cause of bruxism.You may have fallen prey to TMJ, specifically because they are not having any issues with those joints that make up the chin, at intervals of ten like this is done, bend your neck in addition to facial pain is usually between $200-$650.

What Is Tmj Pain Like

Anti-Depressants such as dentistry, neurology, and orthopedics.So what should be repeated several times a day, and over the counter mouth guards can be hard for these solutions can be an inconvenience to your jaw!Other solutions are ineffective at best, possibly dangerous.Some people however unfortunately do experience worse symptoms with mouth guards.However, you can try to find a way that you do it more than $300.

Now, finally when patients go through their mouth.Thankfully, there are nerves and ligaments in and around the jaw, but not the quality of information contained within this site can hopefully assist you in finding some TMJ help or relief for your TMJ.Keep in mind that simple stretching and relaxation techniques and methods.You may have to experience regular headaches and an inability to open correctly and to ease TMJ pain, but more often then not TMJ specialists, TMJ treatment is in my opinion, exercises for TMJ Pain.Some people unconsciously clench their teeth while opening your mouth busy with something else, like breathing.

[helstrome]

Start Over - Part 1

This is the first story/first member I wrote for the Hospital AU! The scenes and the medical case are based on Grey’s Anatomy episode so if there were unintentional similarities I’m sorry >.

Another member on going: Hansol (go to @your-safety-pin page!)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 [final]  (doctor!doyoung; hospital!au; Word count: 2021; Warning: mainly language; the dream boys are in their 20s in the story, 127 boys are in their mid to late 20s)

It was going to be your first day as an intern at the famous, reputable learning hospital you have been dreaming of for so long, and it was finally happening. You took confident steps inside the front door of the gigantic hospital, you still have 10 more minutes to spare before the actual work time began. You asked the receptionist about the surgery department and went straight to the wing. There were a lot of other interns swarming the place, looking nervous and exchanging whispers. You couldn’t help but feel all your confidence starting to go down the drain too; the realization of how big the opportunity actually was downed on you again. You fiddled with your fingers distractingly as a doctor came in and made everyone instantly quieted down.

“Good morning. I am Kim Minseok, the Chief of Surgery and I would like to welcome you to the internship program. I hope all of you are aware that this is not an opportunity we hand easily to any medical doctor graduates out there, because this hospital is known as one of the most reputable learning hospital out there, everyone is willing to risk everything they’ve got just to stand right at the spot you’re all standing at this very moment.”

Everyone tensed up at his words. There was a lot of interns at the room, but only 7 would be able to pass internship and gained residency after passing the examination. It was not an easy task to survive the internship phase, let alone being a resident for the years to come.

“I would like to remind you again that this isn’t child’s play, this isn’t a joke. Each of you comes here hopeful, wanting in on the game. It’s a competition, and you are among the best of the best in your previous schools, but you stand on the same ground here from day 1. You need to gain from scratch. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Prove to us your worth. Give us better than your best, work harder than your hardest, and by then we will be the one deciding if you have what it takes to be someone responsible enough of life or death situation in your hands.” He swept his intimidating gaze to all the new interns in the room, giving a slight nod and left.

That made all of you left gaping in silence as few more doctors came in and grouped the interns randomly. You were in a group with three other male interns named Zhong Chenle, Lee Jeno and Park Jisung. Your group was assigned to a resident, Dr. Kim Jungwoo. The interns quickly dispersed to their designated groups, with their residents starting to introduce themselves and taking off to different directions.

“So, I’m going to be your resident. Call me doctor Jungwoo. These are all your pagers and now follow me, I’ll give you a brief tour of the place.” Your group hurriedly took the pagers and followed Dr. Jungwoo before you all could even introduce yourselves, trying to remember the routes they took around the huge place but as with every other hospital, the hallways looked identical with one another and you were left scratching the back of your head nervously when you weren’t able to map out the floor.

“The rules are common and sensible. Be ready at all times. Nurses are going to page you, you answer every page at a run. Run everywhere. Every second counts, patients’ life and death depends on it. Don’t complaint about doing useless works because you heard what Chief Minseok said, you stand on the same ground. You’re interns, bottom of the food chain. You start from scratch. Your first shift lasts in 36 hours. That’s fairly easy, but enough to test if you have the willpower to be here or not. On call rooms are hogged by attendings. Sleep where you can, when you can. It’s gonna be the best and worst time of your lives from now on, might as well enjoy it.” They were all dismissed and they went to the locker room to change and placed their stuff to their assigned lockers. “Are you nervous?” An artificial blonde haired guy from your group asked you quietly from your side. “Huh?” You snapped out of your gaze and looked up to him. He was smiling brightly down at you, and you gulped at how cute he looked. “Yeah, a lot.” You admitted bashfully. Someone from behind perked up. “Me too! Oh my god, the Chief was scary.”

“He was! I almost peed my pants. Wait- okay, not a really manly introduction. Anyway, my name is Chenle.” A cute looking tall guy extended his hand out for you to shake, and you did by saying your name in return.

“I’m Jisung!” The taller of the bunch grinned at the three of you.

“I’m Jeno.” The blonde guy smiled again. The nervousness that hit you earlier made you unaware of the situation because now that you actually looked around, the interns you were grouped with was a bunch of cute guys that looked too young to be around your age.

You arrived at the lockers room where some other interns were already gathered inside. You changed your clothes and put your bag inside your locker when a granola bar appeared in front of your face all of the sudden. You blinked and peered to your left; there was another cute guy and you jumped a little at the surprise. “Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m giving granola bars to everyone- my name is Renjun!” He spoke kindly. You chuckled awkwardly and thanked him, following him to the bench at the centre of the room. “I haven’t introduce myself to you, I think. I’m Jaemin and this is Haechan!” The guy was all smiley when he introduced himself and the Haechan guy shrugged indefferently, munching on his bar like he hadn’t eat for days. “I thought the residents are going to be as scary as Chief Minseok!” Chenle said in between his chews. Renjun pursed his lips. “I know, right? I was being paranoid when I read all the stories about unforgiving tough residents that is going to haunt us in our sleepless shifts. Turns out resident Lee… Was kinda unique.” “I like dr. Mark,” Haechan chimed. “Yeah, I think dr. Jungwoo is nice too. At least he remembers our names.” You added. You were all back in the ER after a bit, waiting for the assigned residents when a woman came in with a bad gash on her forehead. Dr. Jungwoo arrived as if on cue, and assigned Chenle to do the stitching. Turned out a machine in the factory broke and fell when she was working. Jeno was about to help assisting when Dr. Jungwoo’s pager beeped. He ran to the door followed by Jisung, Jeno, and you; an ambulance came and the EMTs wheeled a gurney, giving status about the girl patient who was having seizures. They all pushed the girl towards one of the rooms as fast as they could, while Jisung was getting the nurse to prepare medications. Dr. Jungwoo began giving orders. “Jeno, hold the girl. (Y/N), inject 5 miligrams of diazepam IM.” You inserted the needle that nurse Sicheng prepared under the resident’s watch. Almost immediately, the girl stopped seizing. “Okay, great. Son Seungwan, 19 years old. Intermittent seizures for the past week. Started grand mal seizures right after descending the ambulance.” Dr. Jungwoo explained about the patient’s condition, examining her files. “She looks like a flailing fish earlier.” A doctor walked in to the room and stopped right in front of the door, his tone cold and his face void of expression. “You should run some basic tests.” “Right, doctor Taeyong. They’re my new interns.” Dr. Jungwoo said to the other doctor. He nodded and left the room just like that without any greeting or intrlduction, making the interns stood there in befuddlement. Dr. Jungwoo averted his gaze back to all of you. “Okay, Jeno is going to do labs. Chenle-” “Doc! Someone is waiting with arm laceration.” Nurse Sicheng popped his head from the door, looking expectant to Dr. Jungwoo. “Ah then. Chenle, stitch the patient up. You did a good job last time, why don’t you practice some more.” Chenle’s eyes widened and he was about to protest but he thought better of it and left the room with nurse Sicheng. “Patient’s your responsibility, (Y/N). Get her prepared for a CT. Don’t mess this up.” He pointed his pen to you and handed you the girl’s files. “Wait- what do I do now?” Jisung asked in between the exchange. Dr. Jungwoo replied while walking out from the room, snickering. “You can do rectal exams, maknae!”

The patient was awake a little while after and you were preparing her to do the CT scan, but apparently when she didn’t have seizures, she talked a lot.

“You know, I was supposed to be in this beauty pageant contest! Do you know it? You do, right! It’s super famous.” “I don’t, actually.” You replied through gritted teeth. She didn’t get the clue to stop, though, because she kept on blabbering her story. “I’m really sure I could have won it if I didn’t mess the rhythmic gymnastic up. I fell and sprained my ankle- wait are you lost? You seem like you don’t really know where to go.” You were about to facepalm yourself because the girl was really noisy, you were really lost, and you didn’t sign up for hearing other people’s problems while you were dealing with shitload of it yourself. “You’re really lost, aren’t you?” You took a deep breath and trying your best to not snap at your first patient ever. Luckily for you, you came to the right section and eyed the CT room sign down the hall. After you got her scan and wheeled her back to her room, Son Seungwan’s parents were waiting inside. “So how is she right now? Does she need any surgery?” Her dad stood up from the couch and walked up to you. You were taken aback by the sudden question because you were alone and you didn’t have the rights to answer it. “I’m sorry, but I only helped preparing her for the CT scan. I’m not her doctor, I’ll get the assigned doctor for you. Please wait up ” you bowed and smile politely before hurrying out to find doctor Jungwoo. “Doctor Jungwoo! Son Seungwan’s parents are inside her room and asking about her condition.” You spoke through ragged breaths from running around to find him. He looked up from his computer screen. “I’m not her doctor, you should find doctor Kim from neuro. Ask the front desk for his office, I think he should be there.” You dismissed yourself and asked the nurse for Dr. Kim neurosurgeon’s office. You were nervous the time you reached the path of his office because it was going to be a complete stranger you were about to face, not to mention one of your highly respected seniors. You have been told that the neurosurgery department in the hospital was one of the two best in the country. You arrived in front of his office but the door was open and there was a guy sitting behind the desk, looking down to what seemed like a pile of case files. He had a black hair and wide shoulders, his built made him look like he was too young for the job, since he was already an attendant; a neurosurgeon, at that. You didn’t want to come off rude so you knocked softly at the door, making him alarmed there was someone else in the room. He looked up from his papers and his eyes locked with yours. You almost cursed out loud. Out of all chance, out of all Kim surnames in the country, the doctor that was staring at you just had to be that one Kim you never seemed to be able to forget. Kim Doyoung. Your ex boyfriend.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 [final]