#he won't let anyone help him
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#i shouldnt have given him the keys#i should have asked to go with him#but i just...didn't want him here#every day he goes out I know he's going to drink#every time I try to be brave he just lies to my face#he's never yelled at me or hit me or anything#he's just so deeply miserable that its exhausting and I just want him to not be in the house for a little bit#he won't let anyone help him#he says Sorry Sorry I'm So Sorry ans nothing changes#nothing ever changes#im so sick of the word sorry#I'm sick of still caring and I can't stop caring#i can't even enjoy when he's not here cuz now I have to worry still#i hate how weak I am#i hate knowing that even if I was strong still nothing would change#he wants to be miserable and drunk and I can't help him cuz he doesn't want help#i'm so exahusted#and there's nothing i can do#i should delete this later#but I have to scream into the void at least a little#cuz I have to be better by the time everyone comes home so they don't have more to have to deal with
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pediatricians are hard to find.
you aren't broken and other important things a triangle needs to hear
#gravity falls#book of bill#non euclidean geometry au#bill cipher#pyramid steve#billford#parent au#rip doc mc buggins#you won't be missed#ableism#pyramid steve is too young to really understand what's going on here which is Good#ford would be here for the checkup but bill simply has more inter-dimensional contacts on his side#also far far FAR more medical trauma to work with#not that ford doesn't#but i think his problems were always rooted in more SOCIAL problems#while bill got the fun cocktail of childhood bullying AND medical abuse AND parents couldn't/wouldn't help him#he should not be a parent#he IS trying#he is trying so hard#he will not share these worries of course#why worry ford? bill's a GOD clearly he's got this#...bill is deep down terrified he ALREADY screwed up pyramid steve#he probably had more to do with him existing as the power half of the couple-#anything wrong IS probably his fault-#he doesn't know what he's doing! did?! how does his own body even work let alone-#whatif-what if he put him together wrong. what if whatifwhatif#thoughts he will never EVER say outloud#pyramid steve is a perfect little angle#anyone who says otherwise is dead wrong#my art
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1.06 / 2.09 (33)
#the way they both cling to their families while in distress#their families are their most cherished people that they somehow can't reach#Hürrem has literally lost them long ago#while Ibrahim has reunited with them and has placed them close to him due to his own love for them and his position in the castle#but it's precisely that same position that distances him from them and *will* distance him from them even *more* down the line#the reactions here also reveal how Hürrem and Ibrahim view death#Hürrem embraces it because she's lost so much already#they always want to separate her from the family she has and the family she's built in some way#and it's like they succeeded here - it has already happened - she's taken from Süleiman the only other person she could latch onto and from#her child she was going to have from SS that would show that she was actually going to keep on that she can't be separated from her family#*this time* not so easily but it's over it's done it seems so let her go to her mother and father at least let her return to them#let her reunite with them that's all she can have after she's already dead#after she's failed and the evil in the palace has seemingly taken over - in her E01 dream it was *they* who made her push forward#in order to commemorate them in the first place; she doesn't mention her sister tho even though she was there in the dream too#and I think that's because at this point Hürrem searches for protection for *help* and her parental figures can provide that to her#more than anyone else; namely they guided her in her dream mainly her mother so she goes first#it all also goes to show how her latching onto SS is a gradual process as she calls him only later#Ibrahim clings to life as embracing death would indeed mean losing absolutely everything completely#*fully* separating from his family he returned to found and reunited with after he wasn't sure about whether it's even possible#and what's more he has both his past and current family in front of him in the present; he can't let that go he *won't* let that go#so he urges his father and Niko not to leave him as in not to let him give up to help him in the fight he thinks he can still win#but he doesn't mention his mother namely because she isn't there in that picture she's fully gone and already symbolizes#a more distant past that wounds Ibrahim too much and he comes to want to evade as this ep is soon after#his scandal with Hatice; no wonder she appears in E44 and urges him to go home thus to go back as he wants to move on so badly#more subconsciously than even the usual#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#hurrem sultan#ibrahim pasha
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kaiser rejects ness' companionship on the basis that he "thrives best in discomfort"---implying that ness is "comfort" to him?
#bolo liveblogs#blue lock#bllk#bllk 267#I'm not trying to run kaiser/kainess apologia here. genuinely#kaiser categorically does not view ness as a legitimate source of the love he craves and I honestly don't even think he's incorrect there#I mean. ness *does* love kaiser but kaiser will not receive unconditional love for his quote unquote true self#as long as kaiser refuses to let anyone be truly emotionally close to him.#i.e. he wants to be loved by another person not a guy he's made into his ''dog.'' which again is kaiser's own fault#but even if kaiser won't accept ness' love he certainly depends on ness as a stabilizing helpful presence in his life#they aren't equals bc kaiser won't let them be equals but even ''boy and his dog'' is a much more positive relationship#than kaiser has ever had before. unfortunately
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#ryuji suguro#ryuuji suguro#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist#suguro ryuji#suguro ryuuji#manga ryuuji#bon suguro#chapter 63#shimane illuminati arc#i really like this moment and how ryuuji's standing here to quietly guard the door and wait for his moment to go in#he said he'd check on them and it's heavily implied he heard izumo's full breakdown and shouting match#it's likely he heard it at least#their two arcs get a lot of compare and contrast#but i think it's vital to understand that the two of them are coming at their arcs from opposite places#ryuuji goes into his upset because no one will let him in while demanding that he trust them and believe in them when they've shown#they won't do the same with him#rin wants him to trust him blindly but won't repay that trust with his own in them#even to the point that they don't know he can't tell them because he didn't even let them know his father was dead or a problem at all#he's upset at tatsuma refusing to take any responsibility and refusing to talk and refusing to explain why he pushes ryuuji away#and when he does find out the karura story he pushes to be included and leaned upon#he wants most of all to help and be a support to people he cares about#to the point he feels like a failure if they don't need or trust him#he doesn't even know how to live without being needed#izumo is the opposite#she has refused to ever let anyone close enough to need her ever again#because the people who she did hurt her and were taken from her#and she won't let herself be that weak ever again#she despises being needed and pushes against it#she wants purely businesslike relationships
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Insane over the awakening trio again. We fought a war together, saved each other multiple times, and I know for a fact I can trust you with my life. We have never learned to socialize normally so we can't interact in a normal environment for five seconds without dunking on each other. I would follow you through time and space and abandon everything with you. You are the living reminder of every awful thing that have ever happened to me. Our traumas make us hurt each other at every turn. We're the only ones who know what lead to each other becoming Like That. Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. You are all I have left. I cannot fucking understand you. I am the only one in this entire world who has the ability to even try to.
x
#my text#asks#fe13#This ask is so good I wanna publish it first without any of my commentary and then i'll rb it with my own comments later#this is just fun to read#thinking of this line in particular:#'Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. '#i don't show it enough in my fics because a lot of my fics are fates focused or au focused for convenience sake so i want the awakening tri#to be hanging out way more and have had their growth but canonically before awakening they really like. Do Not Associate.#i think of this for so many of the awakening kids in general but like. they all travel through time together. they go through something lik#the future past DLC together. their lives depend on each other so much. most of them cannot stand each other.#inigo and owain Do Not fucking get along and never have really until fates when they're both adults and even then they're ribbing each othe#there's no doubt to me that they have gotten into a physical fight at least once before. or they avoid each other and are extremely rude#when forced to work together outside life or death scenarios. especially pre-awakening.#in their supports owain tries to be nice to severa repeatedly and she goes out of her way to be extra rude to the point#that he has a crises about being weird. and even if their s support isnt' canon#severa notes that owain was always nice to her and she struggled with being nice back throughout their lives#inigo and severa don't get along either. inigo is trying to be “nice”/build his confidence of talking to others with compliments#but he's genuinely condescending and quite rude and doesn't listen to severa telling him to stop talking to her like that.#note: severa actively goes out of her way to be mean to a lot of people back then. she's not easy to get along with.#(interestingly she tells noire she only does this to take people down a peg and doesn't do it to people with no self esteem like noire.#(similar to niles in a way. to be explored later.)#These people are Not Close and they are not each other's first choices to hang out. and they probably were aware of each other in#childhood but much more aware when they're older. owain's childhood friends were probably the Justice Cabal.#severa canonically hung with noire tot he point where noire grew up relying on her. i suspect she hung with the girls most of all#inigo... i'm not sure he has any close childhood friends. which could be attributed to maybe (a) living in Regna Ferox with Olivia#if you believe they went with basilio after the first war#or maybe learning early on to hide his real self early on so he never lets anyone get close. he clearly Cares about everyone in a#'won't let anyone die if he can help it/won't let them die alone (gerome/owain)' kind of way#but is he Close with them? I don't think so. not until Awakening and he has A supports
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I've just realized they did that to Peter two times! They made him guilty of what he's done when he wasn't in his right mind/conscious of his actions. But Jackson was clearly a victim, hm?
#I'm not salty#More like a little disappointed#Like#I think they (the characters) treat him like this because he's not stupid#He won't let anyone see his weaknesses so they don't see him as a real person#In a way#In s1 this lack of trust and empathy was perfectly justified#Those were scared kids and this mean guy was scaring and hurting them#and was much more in the know than them#So even tho I can see his reasoning I don't have a problem with him being a villain#But s4?#Nah#They actually made him work with Kate so we would also stop trusting him#Because it never was about morals#It was about trust#They were only waiting for the opportunity to get rid of Peter because they didn't trust him AND he was smart#Even tho he helped them so many times#Damn my bias is showing XD#teen wolf#peter hale
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#5 and #25 !
Not So Nice OC Asks 5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.
"This one's a weird one to answer....Caves? I guess is just-- a surface level thing? Kind of? It's irrational just to be afraid of a hole in the ground-- though there's a lot of scary things about caves. I mean, I'm not keen on those either but it's just....the quiet. The way the wind sounds sometmes. The echo. The dark. The--uh. mn. I just don't like being inside them. Bad stuff always seems to happen. I don't....really know how to answer the rest."
25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?
"Yeah. A few times...but I deserved it, some of them."
#answering things#ask meme answers#headcanon meme#headcanon#artair headcanon#artair kingston#artair#I think a repressed fear would be falling into the same patterns of abuse he's been subjected to#and hurting others or victimizing them without even realizing he's doing it. becoming the perpetrator and causing harm#the deep dark fear is hard because he has a lot but i think waiting for everyone to leave him eventually when they realize he's bad#and to see them lead better lives but know it's only better because he's not in it and that he'd make the world a better place if he#let everyone leave him to find better and stopped being selfish#and with his immortality that probably means a life alone becoming less and less human and disappointing the people he's harmed killed#or who left. and knowing he can't do anything about the trajectory he's on because the universe won't let him rest and he's just#a source of misery and pain and misfortune for anyone too close to him and bad things will happen to them and it will be on him#and even if nothing happens the person he is and the way he is will hurt them instead. he's here to shield everyone and made to take pain#and comfort and help who he can. and he's just going to keep hurting everyone who wants him to be anything else
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Astarion refers to the other spawn he intends to create as his children and I personally HC it more like his consort spawn eventually plays the role of brood mother to whoever the favored "children" are for eternity. like they recreate a fucked up family unit. romanced player and the children have to compete for scraps while he spoils whoever his romance partner is. and the cruelty of it is that Astarion's consort has all the gifts to be in the sun, but Astarion now wants an eternal night for all of the children he intends to make (and force to live in the shadows).
#bat rambles#and like thats so poetic right?#he will burn down the world and make it so there ISNT anyone else beside Tav/Durge/Romance Partner in the world#just cattle and children cloaked in neverending darkness#also when i say poetic the entire thing is a tragedy#like it's so tragic to give tav/durge/his romance partner that gift to retain that part of their humanity#then make the world hospitable to normal spawn#i am team AA still remembers the budding love he felt but#it's a ghost of a memory and he thinks he's above all that now#but he will pretend to show love in small doses#just enough to keep them wanting more and keep them under his thumb#and the memory of what he felt corrupts with him as he shifts closer and closer to evil alignment and he becomes more and more possessive#and he does spoil tav/durge bc they'll always be his favorite#but it's more like they were the first pet and will always be the most beloved#but he does have other pets he is fond of but like#and like that love he felt for tav/durge made him feel too vulnerable so he has to make them feel so small#as small as he felt when he was cowering behind them#bc he won't ever let himself feel that small or let his edges feel that dulled again#it's about the corruption of the feeling for me#you sacrifice 7007 people to suffer in the hells for eternity#you're not gonna get off scott free#and i think the corruption of the love he feels - the love he used to manipulate tav/durge into helping him ascend - is like#just a tragic & poetic price to pay#bc it wasn't even inevitable bc he could have just ascended and not paid any price#but tav/durge/whoever was supposed to be his pillar and keep him grounded when he is tempted by his vampiric nature#bg3 headcanons#bg3#astarion#ascended astarion
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Now that I can put together a coherent thought again, I've gone to the realization that basically all of my favorite characters should not be taking care of someone sick
But a character that my brain says "stay in the next room over or else" about (Yuri) is the exact person I'd want to take care of me. Will I come out of it with nightmares and a fear of doctors? Probably. Will I come out of it not sick anymore? I got faith in Yuri.
#pei rambles about tokyo debunker#look he gives me the chills in a way i can't describe. like i think he's a cool character i just also have the gut feeling to run away#haru almost dropped dead of tetanus while working you think he won't instantly also be sick trying to care for someone?#ren straight up wouldn't help. you will be lying there on the bed with no response from him#towa would try but I'm not sure what flowers solve my problems#in other fandoms... junko would also just leave me there. see haru for how quickly nagito would get sick#tsurugi? i mean he wouldn't abandon me on purpose but i really doubt he can take care of himself while sick let alone someone else#still too scrambled to think of anyone else
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i had to email my prof abt something like half an hour ago or so and i already thought he was the best ever but he just replied?? on a sunday night??? best. prof. ever.
#so sad i'm not a comm major and won't be taking any of his classes ever again but !#i'm keeping what i learnt in that class dear to me like wow it reframed the way i see certain things and reinforced other beliefs#10/10 would recommend to anyone at my uni in a heartbeat#like he didn't even let me leave my final until he checked my answers. pointed out my mistakes. checked then again. and then let me go#like he Gave me a 100 on the final (tho tbf i was alr gonna hit the 90s without that help)#insane#anyways i love the guy. if you couldn't tell#he used the wrong name for me once or twice but it was a summer course so i'm not holding it against him since he didn't do it again#also i kinda implied my chosen name is just a nickname bc. i panicked#so yeah that's on me enough that i can't hold it against him#anyways! back to my laundry#maz rambles
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i love dark fics ofc but sometimes ppl really stretch characters' personalities to fit what they wanna do with them and i think, really misunderstand them in the process, sometimes. and it's annoying when it's characters i like smh
#like. my guy is mean yeah but he won't hurt another person i think. on purpose at leasg#the game makes it clear that he does care about people and actually does not want to see anyone get hurt#he goes out of his way to help others and if he respects you he will go out of his way to make you feel nice even#in his own mean way. but it's not mean spirited is what i'm saying i think. it's just general unawareness of how he comes off#so! making him an actual abuser is ://// like it feels antithetical to what his character even is#he's harsh and he thinks most people are stupid and thus doesn't respect them but beyond calling them stupid he won't do much.#i get the whole point in dark fics is to make things dark. duh. but what's the point if you're taking away what the characters actually are?#like why not just make ocs atp. yknow???#sorry as usual yknow it's not targeted at anyone don't let me ruin your fun you can do whatever you want forever. i'm just complaining 👍
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In order to date Zuko at some point of his life, Sokka NEEDS to date Suki.
#listen#i love them as a truple but in my head suki and sokka break up around their twenties#the break up in good terms and they are still besties#suki thinks they are both into other people and they should look into that before staying together bc it won't be good for them#sokka: uh- i dont like anyone else#suki: do i tell him hes been flirting with zuko for the last 3 years or do i let him figutit out himself?#anyway#if suki wasn't there to help sokka get over that ugly misogyny of his#his relationship with Zuko wouldn't be healthy at all bc he would push gender roles nON existent in their relationship#so since he does date suki#and both become very bi and very gender over the years#he actually gets to have something nice with zuko#and suki and tylee uuuhhh girl
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if there is one thing i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that we'll never ever know the story behind transgressor yuri.
if there are two things i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that leon and aegis' loyal friendship will never ever return.
#GTF Crestoria Things#it is rare for leon to be on that kind of respect level with someone let alone risk his own reputation as a traitor to let someone escape#by which i mean in destiny he only ever rly did that for stahn bc stahn was the ONLY person screaming over leon's suffering#and BEGGING him to talk to him and not take on everything alone#so i'd be hard pressed to say he truly made that last second decision for any other reason#other than stahn getting through to him bc if stahn hadn't said anything nobody else was all that worried abt doing so#for him to do that for aegis even in a setting where he wasn't going to be in mortal peril#still risked him becoming a transgressor if anyone had had time to record that#i.e. local dude helps local sinned traitor escape and is by association also a sinner#and that may have affected the ease of his search in restoring stahn to human form#which stahn prob would not have minded but it would still increase the difficulty for leon's search all the same#with yuri forget it im going to be permanently S T R E S S E D that we will never know that story#and i don't think they'd play into the possessed-not-really-yuri thing again after doing it in asteria#and in rays it was only a cameo thing. i fully believe that was actual yuri bc it would fit into his canon-mixed-with-crestoria#so unless the devs for some reason decide to tell us what their plans were for yuri we will never know#and it's been too long now since cresty went down like do i have to write this shit myself#they robbed me of transgressor yuri meeting vicious too woe is me cresty team#im still so desperate for them to turn crestoria back on like pls it's not just my crops anymore it's me too im also dead#i know they won't turn it back on and heck all the data for it is probably long since byebye BUT#even if i enjoy the manga it's not the same without the crossover#i would kill for them to give us that game back it was my fave gacha ever ;;#i say that with the full bias of the fact that i obliterated everything with default leon and completely maxed him in every aspect#but also just the fact that i want cresty's crossover back s o f u c k i n g b a d
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i love thinking about how much kiryu and majima both remind me of moon knight like i really did just start reading moon knight comics in 2022 and fell in love hard and then a year later played y0 and was introduced to two (2) characters that both remind me of him. fun to think about
#like marc's whole moon knight is the only thing about me that's worth anything the name i posses is more important than the man i am#and his whole he will die again and again and it doesn't matter no one needs him. he's willing to throw his life away for others#he pushed everyone away and does things on his own to keep them safe. and well that's very k.iryu!#also see: past they're ashamed of and yet can never escape.#and then the whole mask thing marc has and how he puts it on to keep himself and others safe.#how he's so fucking sad but he won't let anyone else know he won't let people get close because he's lost everyone in his life#and the whole embracing the mask more them the man behind it and then the whole can never escape a life of violence#even when it would help him is very. maj.ima#bracken.txt
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My middle sister came home from school with a stomach ache today and ran down to my room crying saying she was gonna die. A little background, everyone in my house but me is paranoid of getting appendicitis since I got it last year and it was traumatic for everyone. I practically just forgot most of it since that's what I do best, but my sister was bawling saying she was gonna die because her stomach hurt, so I gave her some medicine and make her lay down.
when my parents came home I told them she had a stomachache, and they immediately rushed over and asked if she was ok. I told them it's not what I had since it's not even in the right area, but they didn't listen to a thing I said. After dinner I was sitting on the couch watching a show with my other sister, and my middle sister comes out of her room to be with us. My mom starts asking how she is, and she just groans. Apparently I was making a 'disgusted face' as they called it, because my other sister nudged me to make me stop before I got in trouble again. A few minutes later she started like freaking out over this stomachache and being really extra, and I said something again telling her she was gonna be fine, and that just got me yelled at and called insensitive once again. I have a hard time sympathizing with things like this especially because it's directly linked to a very traumatic time for me as well, but no one seems to really care about that.
I eventually got told to just go back to my room, so I did. Now all I can think about is being probed in the hospital for 3 straight days while in excruciating pain like nothing else, being put through tests and wheeled around. And what's worse is that at the same I was still dating my old ex, and then that stirred up other memories I had buried away never to be recovered. So now I'm sitting here disassociated as hell for literally 2 hours, which I only thought it was a few minutes. Apparently my mom took my sister to the ER to make sure she doesn't have it, which I already told her that it's not even remotely close to what I had. Ahh and now I cannot for the life of me forget the other memories and it's making me really weird
#tiny vents#akira’s safe space#also about my old ex:#Long story short he was manipulative and literally would emotionally abuse and hurt me#He SA'd me a few times which I didn't even realize it wasn't acceptable until like a month after I ended it and was like shit that wasn't o#And especially during my time in the hospital he kept telling me not to go through with the surgery (I didn't listen obviously)#then got mad afterwards when I got out and threatened to leave me like he would always do#Then he took advantage of the fact that I couldn't really walk or carry my bag on my own and would touch me all over#Like shamelessly so even when I told him to stop#And then now the one memory I try to block out is back just right front and center#He literally tried and partially succeeded in taking my clothes off when he came over to my house and wouldn't listen when I told him to st#<- and like I was literally fighting back against it and everything and he just kept going#I don't really remember much of what happened that day other than that but I literally won't let anyone touch me now#Even my parents or sisters- I subconsciously slap them away without even processing it#tw sa mention#Also what I don't understand is why they take my sister to the ER for a stomachache yet I've had a fucking broken finger for a month now an#<- they just brushed it off and said 'oh you'll be fine you have a high pain tolerance anyway!'#And when I tore my back? That last for over a month and they didn't do jackshit. I couldn't breath for weeks because of it!#All they ever do for me is say 'you're fine deal with it and grow up'#I don't understand#like genuinely what the actual fuck?#They say I'm strong enough to handle excruciating pain for months on my own without any medical support or even help from them#Yet they go and take my sister to the god damn hospital over a minor stomachache-? And they always complain that they don't have the money#<- get me helped?? So why her?#I know this is probably super selfish and self centered of me but I just genuinely don't understand
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