#he wants most of all to help and be a support to people he cares about

[mxtxfanatic]

Gotta hard disagree with this. Lan Wangji’s righteousness doesn’t at all derive from Wei Wuxian’s death, being “naturally” rule-abiding, or from any sort of “privilege.” Lan Wangji was regarded highly by cultivation families as a teen because of his skills, yes, but he became known as Hanguang-jun amongst the people before the sunshot campaign even ended for his dedication to helping every day civilians no matter what their issues were, a trait noted to be very rare amongst cultivators who usually only nighthunted for fame or riches. He was also perfectly willing to go against rules and traditions to do what was right. Just because he normally follows his clan’s rules does not mean that he prioritizes them above morality.

On top of this, to say that Lan Wangji never publicly spoke up for Wei Wuxian ignores that he absolutely did in the story, even though we only are directly shown two instances, both in the direct aftermath of Wei Wuxian interrupting the Jin flower banquet. Wei Wuxian leaves for Qionqi Path, and as Jin Guangyao is complaining about Wei Wuxian being “too much,” Lan Wangji directly challenges his words and asks/dares him to say that Wei Wuxian is lying. Jin Guangyao concedes the point and is saved by Lan Xichen. Later, as everyone starts to slander Wei Wuxian in their retelling of the events, Lan Wangji directly calls out Jin Guangshan for spreading lies about what happened to undermine Wei Wuxian’s relationship with Jiang Cheng. Everyone is so shocked since Lan Wangji rarely speaks that it throws off the vibe until Jin Guangyao once again runs interference and is, once again, supported by Lan Xichen. After the Qionqi Path ambush when the Wen siblings turn themselves in, Lan Wangji spoke in their defense, an event we only hear about from Wen Ning afterwards. Lan Wangji speaking for Wei Wuxian (even though he did) was never going to change the outcome of the events, because Wei Wuxian was never being persecuted because people believed he was an evil guy. He was being persecuted because they didn’t like him and were choosing to spread lies to justify it. Lan Wangji’s choices don’t cancel out anyone else’s.

To say that Lan Wangji was only moved by love and didn’t actually care for Wei Wuxian’s cause also ignores many things. For instance: if Lan Wangji only cared about protecting Wei Wuxian, he would not have brought him back to Yiling post-Nightless City bloodbath and guarded him just to send him off to the Burial Mounds on his own. And lest we forget: the only reason why Lan Wangji ended up in Nightless City was because he heard that Wei Wuxian was headed in that direction and knew that a fight was imminent. Unfortunately, he appeared after the fighting began. At most before that point, Lan Wangji goes out of his way to nighthunt in Yiling to catch a glimpse of Wei Wuxian, pays for the man’s meal, helps restore Wen Ning’s consciousness, and then leaves when he sees that there is nothing more he can actually do in that moment. None of that screams “wants to imprison.”

If he wanted to imprison the other man, he had ample opportunity either during the Yiling date or after Nightless City. But Lan Wangji never wanted to imprison Wei Wuxian to begin with. His whole personal dilemma was that he wanted to be able to hide Wei Wuxian away from the people actively attempting to harm him and give him a chance to heal, but because Wei Wuxian did not want to, he didn’t know how to convince the man that he genuinely wanted to help. And he’s never given a chance to think of a way, either, because the moment he reaches out to his brother for advice, Wei Wuxian finds out about the labor camp. Wei Wuxian doesn’t even believe Lan Wangji wants to lock him away; he only says that during their reunion post- his 3-month disappearance because—just like when he starts sprouting nonsense to disgust Jiang Cheng in his second life at Dafan Mountain to make the other man let him go—he wants to provoke Lan Wangji’s anger so that he stops asking questions about what happened to him and force him to reveal something that would lead Jiang Cheng to question his Baoshan Sanren story. That’s why in Wei Wuxian’s second life, he wakes up from his coma shouting that he wants to be taken back to Gusu. He understood Lan Wangji’s intentions and only played dumb in his first life to guard the secret of the golden core transfer.

On a final note, Lan Wangji realizes before Wei Wuxian’s death that the problems Wei Wuxian was facing were not the cause of his ghost path and that the other man had no other options. Lan Wangji was there while everyone was vilifying Wei Wuxian. By the time Wei Wuxian had absconded to the Burial Mounds with the Wen remnants, it was no longer about Wei Wuxian as an individual but Wei Wuxian’s cause. That was the point of their final Yiling conversation and why it ended so peacefully. Wei Wuxian directly asks Lan Wangji if he could think of any other way for the situation to have turned out differently than the way it had with the choices Wei Wuxian made. Lan Wangji concedes the point because he knows that Wei Wuxian has been forced into impossible circumstances that neither of them had the power to change and everyone else was unwilling to.

i actually admire lan wangji's character development a lot more when i acknowledge that prior to wei wuxian's death, he isn't actually as "righteous".

teenage lan wangji is regarded highly because he is upper class, has strong cultivation, and obeys his family and society's strict expectations. his rigidity and responsibility are more guided by the idea that his duty (the "right thing") is rule-following rather than doing actual good, even against those rules.

he's not a perfect stickler for the rules. he can be stubborn and petty, but even the few times he does transgress (e.x. kneeling before the gentian house) he doesn't get very far.

anyway... even with all his manpain struggling-- maybe even because of it, and because of his own lack of political power compared to people like lan xichen or lan qiren-- young adult lan wangji was honestly pretty entitled, even with his genuinely good intentions towards wei wuxian.

instead of doing the more difficult (yet right) thing of speaking up against those persecuting wei wuxian-- calling out his elders and the other clans as wrong, unjust, unrighteous, and acting against them (see jiang clan motto "do the impossible", which wei wuxian embodied very well)-- lan wangji was constantly trying to get wei wuxian to change himself and fall in line with society's expectations to avoid dying.

true, he eventually fights 33 of his family members... but by the time nightless city even happens, once jiang yanli dies, it's far too late.

yes, resentful energy is dangerous, and yes guidao is deeply misunderstood, and yes lan wangji didn't know about the golden core transfer. but even without knowing wei wuxian has no alternative, lan wangji knew that others were incorrectly labeling wei wuxian as evil. he knew the major clans kept attacking and provoking him, and while harder to realize, he could've reasonably seen how wei wuxian's actions are always twisted to demean him as a servant's son.

lan wangji wanted wei wuxian to come back to gusu so he could keep him safe, lock him up. but what would that have even helped in the end? love is a sympathetic cause, but locking up the one you love and never truly addressing why they're in danger is a selfish sort of love that doesn't reach the heart of the issues at hand.

only after wei wuxian's death is lan wangji able to let go of that. wei wuxian owed him nothing, not even change. lan wangji intentionally, purposefully chose each and every single day for thirteen years to remember wei wuxian by embodying what the man stood for, and acting accordingly. despite his grief and pain, he truly does become a good and righteous person.

contrast that with jiang cheng's reaction after wei wuxian's death. of clinging to everything he felt wei wuxian owed him. of vocally, violently demanding retribution after wei wuxian comes back to life. how dare you, why did you, you should've, you must... cattily justifying his aggression with equal parts resentful indignation and unhealthy "love" of their imbalance, of what they used to be.

lan wangji does none of that. by the time we reach the present day storyline, lan wangji, like wei wuxian, lets the past stay past and chooses to do good. even if that means going against the grain of society and expectations. he's a phenomenal person and character. i love him so much

[noxiousgrace]

In my mind i keep assuming krs spent his entire life alone and surviving on his own

But that isn't the case, there's clearly proof that he was at some level helped by other people

He mentions it often

He was saved by social workers from his uncle when he was a kid

LSH saved his life

Grandma kim always looked after him like her own son while LSH was gone

CJS and LSH died for him

And so many other incidents

But why does it feel like he's still all alone?

I think his tendency to self isolate is why i keep assuming he survived on his own, when he very much didn't.

Everyone fails him or leaves him eventually, he ends up all alone so often that it's hard for me to think about krs as someone who's had support.

He's had the rug pulled out from underneath him so many times, that it no longer shocks him anymore (take chapter 1-3 for example, he was so chill about waking up in another world and stated he didn't have anyone who he'd miss

But that isn't true either, krs spent 10-ish years of his life as team leader and protected his coworkers time and time again, of course people would miss him. In elisehns illusion, Kim Min Ah and Bae Puh Rum came to check up on krs who hadn't returned to work.

While he mentions the physical support and companionship he's received from other people, his mental wounds run too deep.

He keeps a very clinical count of who he owes and who owes him in return, support is not a familial thing to him, it's transactional

The biggest reason grandma Kims death affected him so much was that he owed her A LOT, she was always quick to have his back and support him, Willing to treat his bruises over and over again despite her ability being limited.

Same with CJS and LSH, they supported him more than his own family ever did (parents dead and an abusive uncle), he was devastated that he couldn't spend the rest of his life with them in order to "pay back" all of their kindness so far.

He doesn't feel responsible for their deaths, but he feels responsible for every opportunity he lost to care about them in return. He mourns the future he could've had with them and the happiness krs could've brought to CJS and LSH.

"you can't smooth things over with the dead" is something he said in the novel, around the time choi han figures out who he is and krs is ready for CH to be extremely upset with him.

Krs!Cale feels responsible for everyone who shows kindness to him, a part of it is because whenever someone has cared about him, his heart always cared about them in return. And krs caring about people caused them to get hurt, that's why he feels the need to protect them so that they don't fall victim to krs' affection, and he actually has enough time with them for their "kindness" to be evened out.

This is why he's annoyed when his group grows larger and larger because of his subconscious altruism, there's so many opportunities for all of them to get hurt before he's done caring about them to the amount he thinks is acceptable, it worries his emotionally stunted heart.

Anywho, i think he feels alone to me because of how little he opens up to other people. He is a self isolating king and manages to be the most famous man ever.

I want him to open up that scarred heart of his and finally allow himself to be loved beyond transactions.

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Friends with benefits to lovers with Sabo

Sabo x reader, past Sabo x Koala.

*****

🎩 You and Sabo have been best friends since childhood, given the fact you both joined the Revolutionary Army as children. Your parents, a couple of high-level operatives, had been killed on a mission, and Dragon decided to take care of you from then on; this is how you meet Sabo, who had just been rescued after running away from home.

🎩 Given the fact you are the only two minors in the whole base at Baltigo island your friendship is almost a foregone conclusion, but it’s actually the losses both of you have sustained, the solitude and longing for what you have lost, that allow you to bond. Sabo no longer remembers he has two brothers, but he feels something important is missing in his life, an emptiness your friendship allows him to fill; you, on your part, devote to him all the love and affection you once held for your parents. You become each other’s safe place, confidant and supporter; even when surrounded by people you soon grow to care for and trust, you immediately look for Sabo when you enter a room, dry his tears with your fingers when he feels sad, and patch his wounds after training; and he does the same for you. You run away from the base to join him on his first mission, violating Dragon’s direct orders; Sabo beats the crap out of any man who touches you without your consent. 

🎩 You have promised to be friends forever, no matter what, and you can’t imagine a reason why that situation could one day change, not even after Sabo remembers his past. You hold him in your arms as he cries for Ace, feeling guilty he didn’t get to say good-bye, and when you accompany him to Dressrosa your friend introduces you to Luffy; you are happy for him, and never fear he could love you less, or even just neglect you, because there is someone else he cares for… 

🎩 … which is why you have absolutely no objection to your friend finding a girlfriend. Koala is a great person: kind, clever, brave and generous, not to mention very pretty, and the two of you become friendly when you find yourselves sharing a room in the base’s dormitories. In fact, when Sabo admits that he had developed feelings for her, you immediately take it upon yourself to arrange a date between the two of them: you take advantage of a rare moment in which none of the three of you have duties to attend to, steal two beers from the kitchen, and invite both Sabo and Koala on the roof, to enjoy the quiet and the starry sky as you share a drink. Both happily accept; you meet them on the roof, give them the beers and simply say “Enjoy your date.” before walking away, leaving a flabbergasted Koala and a blushing Sabo. 

🎩 They are a couple from that day on, and while you are happy for your friend, and to leave him some alone time with his girlfriend rather than being the sort of friend who always insists to tag along, you can’t help wishing you also had someone by your side. Many operatives of the RA find it difficult to pursue a long-term relationship, given that there is little time for romanticism in your way of life, no chance of going on dates or enjoying some privacy in four- or even eight-bed rooms, and the all-present danger and enormous pressure most of you are subjected to. It isn’t unusual for operatives to resort to other types of arrangements: friendships with benefits, occasional hook-ups, no strings attached affairs - anything, to find even just an hour of peace in the arms of someone who cares for you at least a little, and feel you are not completely alone and have reason to fight another day. It isn’t ideal but most of you make do, including you, who have had your first sexual experiences with some of your comrades but, no matter how satisfying and enjoyable those have been, you can’t help wishing for more.

🎩 Sabo always says that you are a great person, and that anyone would be crazy not to want you; he even offers to return the favour and act as your wingman if you ever need one, which you appreciate, but the truth is that there is no one you are particularly interested in, neither in Baltigo nor among the other agents you occasionally meet. You could find someone to sleep with; there are at least a couple people who would be glad to accept your invitation. The matter is, you want more - not simply a lover, but a partner, someone who cares for you beyond the warmth of your body, someone who you know would look for you as soon as he steps in a crowded room, think about you while you are distant, and with whom to hope for a future together, some day there will be no need for the RA anymore.

🎩 (Sabo does and would do all of it, of course. You know he cares for you enormously, worries when you are sent on a mission, and is always ready to welcome you with a big hug when you return; you have also promised to remain friends forever, whatever the future may bring. You can’t deny he is an extremely attractive young man either, slim but strong, with expressive eyes and a nice smile. Yes, you find yourself reflecting more than once, sometimes even as you lie in bed with someone else, Sabo does have everything you look for in a partner, and since you get along so well as friends, you would probably work nicely as a couple; who knows what could happen, had you met in different circumstances…)

🎩 Sabo and Koala have been a couple for roughly eight months, and clearly happy with each other, when Dragon asks her to transfer to another base of the Army, far away from Baltigo, to carry out a year-long mission. She and Sabo -who then tells you everything; beyond the most intimate details, there is little you and your friend don’t share about your relationships- talk about it, and agree that she has to go, since their duty towards the Army, and all the people she will contribute to defend and protect, has to come first… and also that they have to separate. “We knew a long-distance relationship couldn’t work, and since we had decided to be exclusive since the beginning, opening our relationship so that we could find solace in other people while we were distant felt wrong too.” your friend sadly explains that night as you have dinner “So we decided to break up, and one day, when Koala returns from her mission, we’ll talk and, if we both want it, we’ll get back together.”

🎩 You tell him that you’re very sorry for him, and he nods in appreciation, admitting that he has had better moments, but knowing that it was the right decision to make, and that they have parted amicably, is of some comfort. He will miss Koala a lot, but he’s proud of her for having been chosen for this important mission, and knows she’ll do great things; the next year will pass quickly, you try to comfort him, and the more they miss each other, the happier they will be once she returns. Sabo smiles, and later, as you leave the mess hall, he hugs you with his arm around your shoulders, before planting a kiss on your cheek. “Thank God you’re still here, (name).” he says “I really wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

🎩 Koala leaves two days later; you, like her other friends, hug her tight and wish her good luck, while she and Sabo, who have said their goodbyes privately, simply share a smile. 

🎩 You keep an eye on Sabo from then on, to make sure he is fine, eats and sleeps when he should, and that the loss of his girlfriend hasn’t distressed him more than he can handle. Thank God your friend seems to come to terms with his returned singledom relatively quickly; he takes care of himself, keeps busy with training and work, and he assures you that while he still misses Koala very much, and doesn’t feel ready to begin a new relationship, he feels alright and doesn’t regret breaking up with Koala. You make sure to be there for your friend, not wanting him to think you’re pitying him or to suffocate him with your affection -”Come on, (name), I just broke up with a girlfriend; it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world.”- but letting him know, without the need for words as usual between the two of you, that you are there for him, ready to help and support in any way he could need.

🎩 You never stop to reflect on the implications of your promise until one night, soon after the end of a mission, you return to Baltigo to find a particularly despondent Sabo; today is Koala’s birthday, and he misses her more than ever. Determined to take his mind off his ex, you steal more than two beers from the kitchen and invite your friend to drink them together, not on the roof under the stars -it would be indelicate, not to mention counterproductive, since it was there and doing that that he and Koala became a couple- but on the small balcony of your room. You start discussing your recent mission, but as the empty beer cans pile up at your feet, your conversation shifts towards more private matters… specifically, your sex life, or lack thereof.

🎩 “So they were very attractive, right? And they filled me with attention and compliments, which was flattering, and they made it clear that they liked me, so I thought, I haven’t had sex in more than a year and I just survived an attack unscathed, I deserve some fun.” you recount miserably, having already told him of the RA operative, a person you had never met before, you were introduced to at the beginning of your latest mission “And then we did it, and… and it was horrible! They did nothing wrong, I think they actually tried to make me feel good, but… but I felt nothing, nothing at all. I’m so disappointed… Five minutes into it, and I couldn’t wait for it to end. What’s wrong with me, Sabo? I’ve been with people I knew and liked much less, and it was still more pleasurable than this.” Your friend assures you that there’s nothing wrong with you at all, sometimes people are simply incompatible, and while he can sympathise with your plight, he’s probably in an even worse situation… “I’m horny.” Sabo confesses, intoxication evident in the telltale flush on his face “I know she’s been away for less than a month, but Koala and I had sex almost every day, and now… I’m literally bursting. I tried doing it by myself, but it’s not enough, and I have no other choice, since even though we agreed we would be free to see other people there’s no one I am even remotely interested in. I swear, if I don’t have sex soon, and a lot of it, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

🎩 You both reflect on your misfortune for a while, sitting in companionable silence; you have drunk much more than you are used to and you know it, but nonetheless, the idea that suddenly blossoms in your mind feels like the best you’ve ever had, a brilliant solution to both your and your friend’s problem. “You could have it with me.” you suggest. “... what? Have what?” “Sex, of course. Think about it! There is no one we are closer to than each other; this has to count for something, right? I’m sure it’d be great between us, even though we don’t love each other like that. We could simply have fun, keep each other company, and when Koala returns we simply stop and go back to being friends. What’s wrong?” you ask, seeing the hesitation on Sabo’s face “Is the prospect of having sex with me so unbearable? Don’t you think I’m attractive?”

🎩 “Of course I do! (name), I think you are as beautiful on the outside as you are inside, which is saying something. But you know how complicated things can get between people who date or have sex, especially when there isn’t a stable relationship behind it; the last thing I want is there to be tension or misunderstanding between us. I can live without sex, but losing you, or knowing I made you cry? No, that I couldn’t bear it; isn’t it better if things remain like they have always been?” he points out. You understand his point of view, but, you consider, you do share a stable relationship, the longest and most affectionate of your lives, and neither of you would ever do anything to hurt the other; as long as you establish some rules, you can’t imagine a single reason why you you could come to regret this arrangement; if anything, your friendship will come out strengthened, because it will be another experience that you have shared. 

🎩 “You seem so optimistic…” Sabo considers “Is actually you talking, or the beer?”, but you can see in his eyes your proposal has intrigued him, and part of him is tempted to accept. “Let me think about it for a while, alright? And you should too, once you’re sober.” You promise, and you spend a few minutes more enjoying each other’s company before returning in, swaying a bit and holding on to each other to remain upright. When he says goodbye on the door of your room, Sabo’s kiss on your cheek feels warmer than usual.

🎩 Over the next few days, as you reflect on the conversation you and your friend shared -it takes you almost forty-eight hours to sober up, and the headache and the nausea are the worst of your life- you don’t regret offering yourself to him. You still think it’s a good idea, the perfect solution to both Sabo’s sexual frustration and yours, and in any case Koala is going to come back in less than a year, right? You’re ready to bet both she and Sabo will immediately decide to get back together, so you and your friend will simply have fun and share your pleasure until he can once again focus on his girlfriend and you hopefully find someone you really care for. Non-exclusive relationships do entail the risk of the two partners discovering they want different things, but you and Sabo have been friends for so long that it’s impossible for your feelings to change; once he’s back with Koala, you’ll stop sleeping together and your relationship will turn platonic once more, like it was before.  

🎩 There is no risk whatsoever; you are absolutely sure of it.

🎩 A few days pass, during which Sabo makes no mention of your proposal, even though you spend plenty of time together as usual. He has promised to give you his answer soon, so you’re not worried, and in any case, you know he’s thinking about it. It is the way you sometimes notice he’s looking at you, at your body, from across the room, as if he were wondering what you look like under your clothes; the fact he almost chokes, even though he is neither eating nor drinking, one day in the mess hall as he hears you moaning in pleasure for the delicious chocolate cake you have just tasted; the sensation of his hands lingering on your hips for a moment too long when he helps you descend from a step-ladder you had climbed onto to repair a hole in the wall. He is thinking about it, your proposal intrigues and perhaps even tempts him, and no matter how completely platonic your relationship has always been you can’t deny it, you are excited… and you have started looking at your friend differently as well, thinking things you never considered before. 

🎩 And then, terrible news reached Baltigo. Two of your top operatives have been captured by the Marines, and if they are led to confess the RA’s secrets under torture, it will be the end for you all. Dragon tasks Sabo with retrieving them; you beg to be allowed to accompany him, aware of the danger he’s walking into, but your leader refuses. Sabo hugs you tight. “I’ll be back before you know it.” he says, and a moment later he has slipped from your fingers.

🎩 Danger is a natural state of being for RA operatives, and Sabo is probably stronger than anyone else in the organization after Dragon himself, not to mention that if either of you  worried every time the other left for a mission, there wouldn’t be space for anything else in your life. You know he’ll risk his life, yes, but he’ll be happy and even proud to do it, to help your comrades, and because he, like you, is ready to give his life for what he believes in; you try to stay positive, which is easier said than done, hoping that he’ll be able to get away with it, like he has done a million times already. Days pass without any news of your comrades - any of them, including your blond-haired, fire-wielding best friend, until one night, at the end of a long training session, you are lying in bed -coincidentally, the only one occupied among the four in the room, since Koala’s space is yet to be occupied and the other two women are away on a short-term mission- waiting for sleep to claim you when you hear a soft, quick knock on the door.

🎩 “Yes?” “It’s Sabo. Open the door.” 

🎩 You obey, your heartbeat quickening, and you and your friend share a long, silent look, both knowing what the other is thinking and feeling. “Are you alright?” you ask, since given the state he’s in, Sabo must have come to you without stopping in his own room to clean himself or rest. He nods, quietly whispering that the two people he was sent to retrieve are back, exhausted but safe, just like he is, beyond a superficial wound on his arm that he already bandaged; he has already reported to Dragon, who then sent him to bed. 

🎩 You should urge him to obey, since your friend can barely stand and looks like he hasn’t slept in three days, but you don’t, rather you stand back to allow Sabo to enter, and then close the door behind him; he’s been in your room plenty of times, but this is different, tonight is different, and you both feel it without the need for words. “I’m happy you’re back; I missed you very much.” you murmur, feeling shy like you’ve never been with him, and your friend smiles, taking your face in his hand; your gazes meet once more. “Is the offer still valid?” Sabo murmurs -or at least you think he does; the pounding of your heart is almost deafening- and you can feel he’s trembling. “Of course.” you whisper, taking his hands in yours to intertwine your fingers, and then his forehead is resting against yours, only for a moment, before both of you move to allow your mouths to meet.

🎩 Your first kiss is an explosion of fireworks in your chest. It’s messy and awkward and uncoordinated, like two relatively expert dancers who pair up for the first time and struggle to keep up with each other, and there’s too much saliva and Sabo must have recently eaten something very spicy, which you’ve always found unpleasant, but it’s him, it’s you, the two of you together, and this is why it feels like magic, a bit unreal and new but in no way wrong. Quite the opposite really…

🎩 By the time you break the kiss, Sabo is holding you by the hips, the touch gentle but firm, and you’ve wrapped your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair; your gazes meet once more, and you can see he’s blushing. “It was… amazing…” you murmur, and you see a smile of relief blossom on your friend’s mouth. “It was; I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about kissing you, it was driving me crazy… and I know we should stop and talk before we do anything else, but I can’t…” Your finger pressed on his lips silences him. “It’s alright.” you murmur “There will be time to talk; now I just want to feel you.”  

🎩 You share a long kiss while you walk to your bed, and another as you start removing your clothes, still a bit clumsy but more and more enthusiastic as you realise how pleasant what you are doing is, and how the other person seems to appreciate it. You’ve seen Sabo shirtless a thousand times, since that is how he usually trains and you’ve often been required to patch his wounds, but tonight the sight of his naked torso is enough to take your breath away. Soon you’re sitting on the bed together, and “May I?” Sabo asks softly, reaching towards you, and you nod, and he takes care of your underclothes and you of his, and a moment later you’re kissing again, you lying on the bed and him bent over you, as you touch each other. Sabo’s mouth descends from your mouth to your throat and your chest, sweet and shy and worshipful; he murmurs that you’re beautiful and soft and that he wants you like he’s never wanted anyone before, and you know, simply know, that he’s sincere.

🎩 Sex between you is intense, slow but passionate, desire and pleasure made almost uncontrollable by the affection you share. You blush when Sabo holds your breasts in his hands and murmurs they are bigger than he imagined, and you hear him make the most delicious moans when you take him in your mouth, filling your senses with his taste and his smell. You’ve always thought he’s handsome, but you’ve never seen him so breath-takingly beautiful as he is now that he holds you in his arms, murmuring sweet words in your ear as his warm hand caresses your skin. “I want you; Sabo, I need you, I need you so much.” you confess, and you see awe in his eyes when he touches the most intimate part of you and feels how wet you are for him. 

🎩 He’s gentle and careful not to cause you pain as he finally penetrates you, but the realisation that the sounds you’re making express pleasure rather than pain makes him more bold, and soon you’re moving together, his hips pressing against yours, your nails scratching his back, and the world outside the room disappears as you hold on to Sabo and pray this night never ends. You end up having sex two times; Sabo apologises for being too tired to do it a third time and you assure him that you don’t mind, that it was amazing and perfect, and that in any case you have a year to do it as many times as you want, so what’s the hurry?

🎩 Sabo laughs softly, his fingers playing with your hair. “Thank you.” he murmurs, his eyes so full of affection and gratitude it’s almost overwhelming “I am glad we got to share this; it has never been like this before, and I’d have never experienced it if you hadn’t offered.” You assure him that he’s more than welcome, and that you can’t wait to see what this new side of your friendship will lead you to. “Do you want to stay? Please?” you ask; Sabo’s happy smile is the only answer that you need, and what happens next is something neither of you has ever experienced before, with any of their previous partners: you fall asleep together, holding each other, lulled by the sound of your heartbeats.

🎩 The next morning Sabo has to wake up earlier than usual to make sure no one sees him leave your room; now that you’re both well-rested, not remaining together for the previously promised third round is the hardest thing you ever had to do. You share a kiss, quick but loving, and promise to meet later; Sabo leaves after making sure the coast is clear while you remain in bed for a little more, enjoying the warmth of his body still lingering around you. You’ve never felt so happy in your life, and you can’t wait for the two of you to have some time alone again; Koala has been gone for six weeks, which means you and Sabo have roughly ten months and a half to spend together, and you’re determined to make the best use of the time at your disposal.

🎩 That night, after you have both taken part in a meeting with Dragon and other high-level operatives, planning a series of operations for the next six months, you and Sabo take a brief walk outside to talk in peace. You both agree what happened last night was amazing, probably the best sex of your lives, and since you want to do it again -and again, and again, and again- you decide to set a few rules. Number one: either of you can say no, stop, not now, or let’s end it here whenever you want. Number two: protecting your friendship is what matters the most; if you ever feel that what you are doing could make it impossible for your relationship to return to what it was before, you’ll stop. Number three: your relationship will end once Koala and Sabo get back together, or in case you meet someone special before that happens. Number four: no one else has to know what you are doing, since neither of you wants to be the subject of gossip among your comrades. 

🎩 And so it begins. You had heard someone say once that a close friendship is the best foundation on which to build a romantic relationship, and you can confidently say it is the same for a purely sexual one, because being with Sabo is unlike anything you have experienced before. He is, objectively speaking, a very good lover: relentless, generous, inventive, respectful, enough to make you forget any person you have ever been. 

🎩 With so little free time available during the day and the presence of your roommates making it almost impossible to have a space to yourselves during the night, you and Sabo have to get inventive in order to keep your relationship secret, which adds to the fun and excitement of being together. Your favourite meeting places are the pantry, a tiny room where you don’t even have the space to lie on the floor but with the added bonus of a door that can be locked from the inside, and the training room, whose isolated position relative to the dormitories relieves you from having to suffocate your screams in your hand, or against Sabo’s shoulders, to stop the whole base, or the whole of Baltigo island really, from knowing what you are up to.

🎩 You remember Sabo telling you that he and Koala had sex almost every day, and you privately have to admit it’s not only for his sake that you’re determined to at least measure up to that standard, which is not an imposition, since for days, weeks even, you are literally unable to keep your hands off each other. Kisses are stolen, gifted and exchanged in a corridor every time you can spare a minute before the start of your duties for the day; hands linger, only for a moment more, on bare skin at the end of a training session; reunions at the end of a mission become the occasion for a brief, intense rapport consummated on one of your beds, both of you aware that any of your roommates could enter any moment and unable to care. 

🎩 Despite having to share the relatively small spaces of the RA base with so many other people, no one seems to perceive something has changed in your relationship, mainly because your comrades are used to seeing you and Sabo together, and know how close you have always been. People occasionally ask Sabo about Koala, expressing sympathy for the end of their relationship, and an older operative offers to introduce you to an acquaintance of theirs who will stop by the island for a few days; both of you simply smile, thank your friends for their concern, and tell them that you’re fine as you are, while your hands touch under the table or your gazes, knowing and amused, meet across the room. 

🎩 Until last month, until a moment before this crazy, genial idea blossomed in your half-intoxicated mind, you had thought having sex with your best friend since childhood would have felt somehow wrong, impure even, since until then you had considered Sabo the brother you never had; you couldn’t have been more wrong. You had sincerely liked and cared for some of your previous partners, but as you expected he is different, enormously so, and you both know the deep trust and affection between you and Sabo does make sex even more pleasurable, while your new shared intimacy allows you to deepen and expand your previously platonic friendship.

🎩 Like you, Sabo is open to trying more or less everything at least once, so you compensate for the little time you have to spend together making sure every rapport is unforgettable, fun and passionate. You enjoy being pressed on the bed by the warm weight of Sabo’s body, as his lips descend to kiss every inch of your skin; and you feel equal pleasure in being pulled to his lap, your legs circling his hips, as your friend makes you bounce on his cock, his strong -very much so; you knew Sabo was more vigorous than his slim built suggests, what you couldn’t imagine was how titillated would be to have him manhandle you- hands holding you by the hips as he sucks on your breasts. You feel a shiver of pride when Sabo is forced to wear a scarf to cover the hickey you have sucked on his neck, and he can’t help smiling when he’s able to coax a fourth orgasm out of you, a personal record for both, in the course of a single amplexus. Having come into possession of a visual Den Den Mushi, you take a few photographs of your naked body, which you then develop and hide in Sabo’s jacket pocket, on the day he’s meant to depart for a week-long mission; he appreciates the thought very much, makes good use of them, and then shows you, beyond any doubt, that no matter how good the pictures are, nothing compares to the real feeling of your warm skin against his. On your birthday, Sabo gifts you a very skimpy set of lingerie, which you have no idea how he obtained even though it fits you perfectly, with a few strategically-situated slits and holes that allow you to have sex while you’re still dressed.

🎩 You have sex on Dragon’s desk. Twice.

🎩 He calls, and tells, you things you never imagined you would hear. Darling, doll, my beauty, my pretty girl, you dirty girl; these are only some of the terms of endearment Sabo never tires to use while you’re together, some tender, other sexy, and some both things together. He’s never been particularly loquacious, even with the people he cares and trusts, which is why you are pleasantly surprised to discover that while having sex Sabo simply can’t stop talking. “God, you look so beautiful. What pretty sounds you make! Does it feel good, (name)? Does it feel good when I put my cock inside you? Yes, like this, I want to make you moan loud enough for the whole base to hear… Mmh, you’re so wet for me, I know you like it when I do this…” 

🎩 You and Sabo still consider each other your best friend. You spend as much time together as you did before, train together, sit together in the mess hall, talk and joke as usual, without any awkwardness or tension. You know the affection you have held for each other since you were children hasn’t changed, and that while you’ll miss having what is without a doubt the best sex of your life -and how disappointed you are, knowing you only have a few months left to enjoy it!- you know your and Sabo’s friendship will easily return to what it was before, a purely platonic and perfectly satisfying feeling, once he and Koala get back together. 

🎩 At least this is what you keep telling yourself. 

🎩 Once, as you catch your breath together after Sabo fucked you senselessly against the wall of the training room, you ask him what is better, sex with you or with Koala; Sabo looks at you, startled, and at first he doesn’t seem to know how to answer. “Do you really want to know?” he asks you back in the end, and you, already regretting your curiosity and fearing the answer won’t be to your liking, hurry to shake your head in response. You avoid returning on the subject, but later, as you reflect on it at the end of a training session, you decide that yes, you really want to know whether Sabo prefers having sex with you or with his -currently former, soon to be once again- girlfriend. It’s a matter of personal pride, since while you don’t dislike Koala, quite the opposite, what woman would enjoy knowing she is less desirable than another? It shouldn’t matter so much, not when your arrangement is nothing more than that, a pact you and your friend have made to find relief from sexual frustration, but it does, it matters, even though it takes you a while to understand exactly why. 

🎩 Sabo never talks about Koala when you’re together, not even while you’re simply eating sitting face to face, fighting in the training room, or enjoying the cool of the evening on the roof with a single beer to share; out of tactfulness, no doubt, because he doesn’t want you to think he’s still thinking about her, maybe even looking forward to her return. There would be nothing wrong with it, you tell yourself firmly, since you know well how much he loves her, and in any case, feeling jealous of one’s friend with benefits would be absolutely ridiculous. You should stop brooding over it, you decide before finally drifting to sleep, and enjoy your time with Sabo while it lasts. 

🎩 Your good intentions last no more than a few days. You and Sabo have met in the training room once again, and are making love with you sitting on his lap, his lips burning as they kiss every inch of your body they can reach. It’s perfect -it rarely isn’t, when it’s you and him- Sabo is being as sweet and attentive as usual as he murmurs how beautiful you are and how good you’re making him feel, kisses you deeply and, as he always does, makes sure you have come at least twice before finding his relief between your thighs. Pleasantly sore, you hold him against you as you pet his hair and Sabo happily nuzzles against the side of your neck. “You are gorgeous, doll.” he murmurs, and you freeze.

🎩 Doll. This is one of his favourite pet names, which you usually like, even though right now it troubles you. Did he ever call you by your name, tonight?, you start asking yourself, and how often has he done it since you started sleeping together? Does he use those terms of endearment out of affection, or is there another, more hidden, reason? Maybe… that he wants to make sure he doesn’t say the wrong name? Also, you did notice that often he keeps his eyes closed as he comes, or hides his face in the crook of your neck, as if he wanted to avoid looking at you… as if he wanted to maintain the illusion it’s another woman he’s having sex with.

🎩 You are getting anxious over nothing, the more rational part of you knows it well, and your doubts have a perfectly rational explanation, but you can’t think rationally, and suddenly you’re tense, afraid even, in a moment when you normally should feel at your most relaxed, satisfied and happy in the arms of a man who has given you more than anyone else ever could. Broaching the subject now is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do, because it’s sure to upset Sabo and cause a fight between the two of you, but you can’t help it, because you’re afraid, afraid that everything you’ve done together, all the intimacy and pleasure you have shared, never existed, because the woman Sabo wished he had in his arms isn’t you…

🎩 You haven’t uttered a word, brooding over the matter as you played with Sabo’s hair and kissed his cheeks, as usual in moments like this, but he knows you better than you know yourself -even though, it will turn out, not as well as he thinks he knows you- which is why he easily perceives something is troubling you. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing!” “(name), I can feel you are tense. What’s wrong? Wasn’t it good?” You assure him it was more than good, as usual, but you were just wondering, and it’s perfectly alright either way, but… “When we make love…” it’s the first time you call it that “... is it me you think about? Or Koala?”

🎩 As you feared, you see hurt fill Sabo’s eyes; hurt, and disbelief, as he lets his hands fall from your hips. “What? How can you ask me that? Why do you keep thinking about her while we are together?” he asks, and you apologise, because you really shouldn’t have, just like, you privately add, you shouldn’t let the matter upset and sadden you, but it’s already too late for that “After all that is why we’re doing it, right? Because you missed Koala, and needed to… unburden. It’s fine, it’s not like we are… a couple or anything, there’s nothing wrong, I shouldn’t let this affect me… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m doing this…”

🎩 Sabo looks at you, half hurt, half worried, and completely incredulous. “Do you really think I could do that? Think about her - think about someone else when I’m with you? (name), what sort of man do you think I am? Haven’t I shown you how much you mean to me?” “Of course you did! But I know how much you care for Koala, and it would be perfectly understandable if you…” “Is this what all of this means to you? Just empty sex? I can’t believe it!” Sabo exclaims; you end up arguing for a while, both angry and secretly guilty, and in the end you part to spend the rest of the day apart. 

🎩 You sleep badly that night, and spend hours staring at the ceiling of your room, calling yourself stupid and childish and cruel; the fact that Sabo wasn’t thinking about another woman while he was with you should make you happy, and it does, but at the same time you’re still worried, and afraid, because no one feels jealous of a friend with benefits, nor has the right to demand loyalty like they would from a partner. You didn’t mean to accuse Sabo of disloyalty, but you have to admit that the thought of Koala, a woman you sincerely like and consider a friend, has become a source of frustration, even of regret, even though you and Sabo would have never mad-had sex if it hadn’t been for the two of them dating.

🎩 You have no reason, and no right, to feel upset, or least of all jealous, that Sabo’s feelings for his ex-girlfriend didn’t suddenly disappear the moment he started sleeping with you; even someone with as little experience in romance as you knows that is not how it works. You know that Sabo still considers you his dearest friend, that he feels pleasure when you’re together, and that he’s not merely using you to forget another woman; but then, you can’t stop asking yourself, why does it hurt so much? Why can some part of you not stop wishing his feelings for Koala changed, and he decided he’d rather remain her friend rather than getting back together once she’s back?

🎩 Because that is what worries - no, what scares you the most; that one day, in a few months, Koala will return, she and Sabo will resume their relationship, and you’ll be relegated to the side once again - a thought that feels unbearable, even though Sabo never neglected you after he and his girlfriend started dating. The three of you had naturally found a balance, friendship and romance each having its own space without jealousy or recrimination, and there’s no reason to think you could not go back to it once Koala will have returned. It’s just… that you don’t want to. Sabo’s friendship is the most important thing in your life, something you’d defend with your life if needed, but knowing that he’ll be doing with someone else what you are now sharing… this breaks your heart. And for all of this, for this mess that has led you to fight with Sabo for the first time since you were twelve, you have only yourself to blame.

🎩 The next morning you look for Sabo in the mess hall, but you’re told that he came earlier than usual, ate quickly and left, without waiting for you as you usually do. If he thinks he can avoid you Sabo clearly doesn’t know you as well as you thought he did, and a few hours later, having made sure he’s not busy with something important, you corner him and insist you have to talk, which your friend agrees with a sigh. You both apologise for what you said yesterday; Sabo assures you that while you did start having sex because neither of you could find a more desirable partner -”Neither of us, remember? you were as frustrated as I was.”- he could never think about someone else, not even his ex-girlfriend, while he’s with you, because what you share is too precious and special, and he feels pleasure because you are the one giving it to him. 

🎩 While reassured, you still think the situation is different, because you didn’t have a partner Sabo might be jealous of, but while your friend suggests you conclude your arrangement, because as you had agreed when deciding on your rules not even the best sex in the world is worth the two of you fighting and he’d gladly remain celibate for the next decade rather than cause you pain, you hurry to reassure him you are fine, it was stupid of you to worry and you’d happily go on like you have done until now. You manage to reassure Sabo, who kisses you deeply and proposes to meet tonight, and you enthusiastically accept, joy and relief filling your heart.

🎩 You haven’t told Sabo what led you to suspect he was thinking about Koala while he was with you, but you do notice that from then on, he does start looking you deeply in the eyes as he comes, and using your name as well as the various pet-names. Maybe he always did and fear and anxiety simply forbade you from thinking clearly, maybe your friend is actively trying to reassure you; whatever the reason you are happier and more grateful than ever that you get to live this, with him, and that night in the training room, you hold on to Sabo’s warm and solid body for dear life, determined to enjoy every second of your time together as if it were the last of your life. 

🎩 Weeks pass, and things are going great between you and Sabo. A while ago a few new operatives have joined your base, among which a very attractive man named Tomo you quickly become friendly with; even Sabo approves of him, even though, he says, “I’m pretty sure he’s into you.” You disagree, pointing out that Tomo has never expressed any interest in you, but you are forced to admit you were wrong when, only a few days later, while the two of you are leaving the mess hall together, Tomo cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. It’s a very nice first kiss, the right balance between gentle and passionate, and it leaves you pleasantly dizzy, but you are too shocked to enjoy it properly, not to mention you feel vaguely guilty. Tomo apologises for having caught you off guard, admits he’s more than a little interested in you, and proposes that you spend some time together. “You don’t have anyone at the moment, do you?” he asks, and you find yourself hesitating for a moment before shaking your head in response, and ask for a bit of time to think about it.

🎩 You do what you have always done in times of doubt: you talk to Sabo asking for his opinion and advice. Your friend doesn’t seem particularly happy to discover he was right about Tomo’s interest in you. “What do you want to do?” he asks, and you, while vaguely nervous about the risk of causing another quarrel, answer truthfully, telling him that you do like Tomo, and would be happy to spend some time in his company, but given the fact you have been sleeping together for months now, you thought it necessary to ask for his opinion, in order not to create tension between you. “I mean.” you stammer, praying that the blush you feel creeping up your cheeks is hidden by the soft lights in the room “I know we are not… a couple or anything, and that we agreed I would be free to see someone else if I found a person I cared for, but I thought… we never talked about being exclusive, so…”

🎩 The few seconds Sabo takes to answer are the longest in your life; you warn yourself not to get your hopes up, because while you did the right thing sharing Tomo’s offer with him, Sabo knows he has no right to be jealous of you, and would most likely not be so in the first place; why should he? You are not dating, and while even a purely sexual relationship can be exclusive, he had to expect you’d get interested in someone else sooner or later. 

🎩 Part of you still wishes he were; that he was jealous of you, at least a little bit. It’s childish, and unfair, and even cruel, to wish someone you love to suffer because of you, but you can’t help it, because no matter how happy and flattered you are that someone else has expressed an interest in you, and well aware of the relative non-binding nature of your and Sabo’s relationship, you do wish the thought of you and another person together caused him some distress, because that would mean that he cares…

🎩 “I have nothing against it. Thank you for telling me, (name), but it’s perfectly fine if you spend time with Tomo. Do you want me to step aside while you see him? It’s fine by me either way.” Sabo says, which is more or less the reaction you had to expect, and the exact opposite of what you wished for; disappointed, and even a tiny bit heartbroken, you force yourself to smile and thank your friend for his advice.  

🎩 You are not particularly enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting your new suitor, but Tomo, to his credit, does manage to make you smile again. You meet that night outside, and he has prepared a small picnic for the two of you: a blanket, a bottle of saké and some snacks he has prepared personally, all of it to create a pleasant, romantic atmosphere for the two of you. No one has ever done anything like this for you, and it really warms your heart; you spend some time eating, and drinking, and talking about yourself, the past that has led you to join the RA, and your dreams and aspirations for the future. Tomo is funny, clever and kind as well as handsome; this time you’re the one to take the initiative and kiss him, and a couple minutes later the remains of your picnic have been pushed aside to make space on the blanket for your clasped bodies.

🎩 It feels nice; very nice, in fact, and you’re happy, and excited, when you and Tomo start undressing each other, and he’s sweet and attentive and passionate, and soon you’re having sex, him holding you close as he moves above and inside you, his kisses swallowing your moans of pleasure. The whole experience is more than pleasurable, both the sex itself and the time before that, that the two of you spent getting to know each other better. You do like Tomo, and would gladly see him again - in fact, you’d be ready to ask him yourself, if not for a small but crucial detail…

🎩 … that you did what you only recently accused Sabo of doing: you had sex with a person, thinking about someone else. 

🎩 The conversation you are forced to have with Tomo is the hardest of your life, and it fills you with shame, because the poor guy had perceived you have enjoyed his company, and felt confident you would accept to see him again; even worse, you’re not even able to tell him the reason for your refusal, vaguely stammering something about not feeling ready and having a past lover who you can’t forget. You part amicably, all things considered, but Tomo is clearly deeply saddened by your refusal, which fills you with guilt. 

🎩 Your first instinct as you return inside is to look for Sabo, but once you reach the door of his room you stop, suddenly aware of your own foolishness. Given the hour your friend is most likely sleeping, and no matter how close the two of you are it’s unlikely he would appreciate being woken up to listen to your plights, especially since you would never dare to tell him the real reason why you decided not to see Tomo again. No, it’s better if you go to bed, sleep on it, and then simply tell Sabo you decided you and your suitor are not compatible…

🎩 “(name)? What are you doing here at this time? Is everything alright?” Sabo asks, seeing you in front of his room on his way back from the bathroom; then he sees your face, and immediately gets alarmed. “What happened? Is it Tomo? Did he do something to you? I swear I’ll kill him!” he says, holding your shoulders in his hands, and you shake your head; his anger warms your heart, but at the same time you barely have the strength to meet his eyes, irrationally afraid that he might perceive what you did, and that it was his face, his smile and the way he has to say your name, that you thought about as you had sex with another man. He would not get mad, nor would he accuse you of hypocrisy, even though he’d have reason to; Sabo is above such vileness, but you can’t tell him, because you dare not think about how he would react…

🎩 “I’m fine, don’t worry, and Tomo has no fault. We… we did have sex, and he was fantastic, he was so sweet, but… but I don’t think I’ll see him again; in fact, I told him already I plan not to.” Sabo sighs - with what you perceive as exasperation, which is something relief can be easily mistaken for. “I see.” “It makes no sense, I know; but I couldn’t do otherwise, and now I feel so stupid…” You sigh. “I’m sorry, I know you want to go back to bed, but… could you hug me? Just for a moment?”

🎩 He obliges, naturally, and as usual, the warmth and safety of Sabo’s embrace is enough to drown all your pain and shame; you cling to his arms as his fingers run gently through your hair, and wish you could spend the rest of your life like this. 

🎩 Two days later, you and Sabo are eating in the mess hall. “I was thinking, and you’re free to say no…” your friend begins, his tone low to keep your conversation private, his eyes trained on his plate “Our… thing. I know we decided we would stop when she returns or you meet someone else, but would you be alright with being exclusive while it lasts?” “Yes, alright.” “It’s fine if you want to think about… What?” “I said it’s fine, Sabo.” you confirm with a smile, joy bubbling in your heart “To be honest, I wanted to ask you the same. Will you pass the water, please?”

🎩 You have always had the bad habit of making things more difficult than they are; but sometimes, things are easy, and one only needs the courage to see it. 

🎩 Time passes; beyond the occasional quarrel or misunderstanding your relationship is going great, both on the side of friendship, which is more solid than ever, and the one that concerns the benefits. Sex with Sabo really is the best of your life, to the point that you know you’ll miss it terribly. Part of you even fantasizes about asking Koala’s permission to keep sleeping with Sabo while the two of them date; she would no doubt find it unacceptable, and he would as well, no matter how pleasant your arrangement has been. 

🎩 Still, you dearly wish you didn’t have to give up on it; less than two months remain until Koala is due to return from her mission, and you find yourself counting the days with the anxiety of a student who is not ready to take a quickly approaching exam. You are confident that your friendship with Sabo will return to what it was before, and you feel grateful and blessed for it, but if you think about him and Koala together once again, enjoying the sort of affection he now shares with you… it’s unbearable. You have no right to complain, since all of this was your idea and Sabo did warn you either of you might end up suffering for it, and you don’t mean to. You don’t regret any of it, not a single moment of what you and your friend have shared in these months, and that is exactly why you wish it didn’t have to end.

🎩 It’s not just the great sex you dread having to give up; it would be much easier if that were the case. The truth is, sharing your body with Sabo has opened your relationship to an intimacy and level of emotion you had never experienced before. It’s something precious, special, delicate but addictive, that you doubt you could experience again with another person… while Sabo certainly will, and maybe he already has, with Koala, and it’s this -the thought of losing him and suffering for it, potentially for the rest of your life, while he quickly finds a more than worthy replacement- that makes it so hard to accept the fact that your arrangement with Sabo is soon coming to an end. 

🎩 This time Sabo doesn’t seem to realise you are worried and upset, which is a relief since you have already given him enough troubles to last for a lifetime, and you did agree to keep the truth about your new relationship secret, but you do need to confide in someone and ask for advice; fortunately, the wisest, kindest person you have ever met has recently come to Baltigo from her own island for a meeting with Dragon and the other RA commanders, and is happy to find a moment to talk to you. 

🎩 You and Ivankov have long been close; in fact, it was him who took care of you in the immediate aftermath of your parents’ death, making sure you were fed, comforted, and kept safe. You trust him more than anyone else besides Sabo, and he’s the only person you could ask for advice. You meet in the mess hall late at night, once most of your comrades have gone to bed, and Iva listens to your story intently; you tell him everything, even the most personal and embarrassing details, and admit that the problem doesn’t really exist, since you can’t stop Koala from returning home at the end of her mission nor would you ever ask Sabo not to pursue a relationship with her once again. “It’s just that I feel terrible, Iva, and I don’t know why.” you admit miserably, almost slumped over the table “I don’t want to lose what Sabo and I have now, but I have no other choice, do I? I’ll always be happy with being his friend, but I’m afraid I will regret losing him for the rest of my life. I really don’t know what is happening to me…” 

🎩 Iva sighs, looking at you with eyes full of compassion. “I think what you’re feeling is very clear, (name)-girl.” he says gently “I think you’ve fallen in love with Sabo-boy.” “WHAT?!” you exclaim, stunned, and Iva points out that would explain everything: your relationship with Sabo was already incredibly close to begin with, and the pleasure and intimacy you have shared in the last months have changed your feelings from pure, platonic friendship to something different. “That’s why the thought of seeing him and Koala-girl together hurts so much; because you’d want to be in her place, and know Sabo loves you back; and loving someone whose affection is directed towards someone else is a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy, no matter how close you and Sabo could go back to be as friends.”

🎩 Love. Is this what you feel? Part of you can’t believe it; you’ve thought Sabo is handsome for half your life without doubting your feelings were different from pure friendship, and you’re not naive and romantic to the point of thinking good, even exceptional sex, can make a person fall in love with another. You’re not in love with Sabo, for God’s sake! It’s just that something beautiful and special has developed between the two of you and you don’t want to lose it, no matter how equally precious your friendship was to begin with! And yes, you can’t deny you occasionally fantasise about being in Koala’s stead, and about a relationship that hadn’t been born with an expiration date, and hearing him propose you become exclusive made you happy, because it meant that he did care about you, beyond friendship, beyond pleasure and convenience, that he wanted to be with you because of you…

🎩 Crap. You are in love with him!

🎩 “There, there, it’s alright.” Iva gently soothes you, patting your back “Just breathe, (name)-girl. It’s not the end of the world, even if it looks like it.” It really does. “It’s over, Iva; what do I do?” you miserably ask your friend “He doesn’t love me, and he never will.” “You don’t know it.” “Of course I do; he loves Koala, and he’s been waiting for her for almost a year. I know he cares for me, we are best friends, and we’ve had some great sex for months, but what we share is just relief because she was away and I couldn’t find anyone. The moment Koala returns, Sabo will want her and no one else.” Iva, who has already met Sabo after his arrival in Baltigo, looks at you skeptically, and then suggests you discuss the matter with Sabo himself. 

🎩 “Why should I? It would serve only to create awkwardness between us, and I know Sabo enough to know he’ll probably try to distance himself from me in order to spare me pain, and so I’ll lose his friendship as well.” you point out “I don’t want that, nor do I want to spend the rest of my life hoping he and Koala break up so that I can… step forward. I need to keep this thing for myself, and be happy for what we had, and the friendship we still share; please, Iva, promise me you won’t tell him anything.” Your friend promises, clearly unconvinced of the justness of your decision, and asks you to call him, or write, whenever you feel the need to talk. You promise, and the two of you share a hug.

🎩 You remember the exact date of Koala’s departure, and soon its first anniversary is exactly four days away. “I bet you are counting the hours.” you comment one night as you and Sabo lie together in your bed, courtesy of the absence of your two roommates, both of whom have volunteered for a mission and won’t be back before tomorrow. You are curled up against his side, your hand playing with the soft hair of his chest, his legs intertwined with yours. Sabo, who despite his more than considerable stamina is completely out of breath -something you can’t help being proud of!- blinks, as if he had no idea what you’re talking about. “Sorry?” “About Koala’s return! It’s soon, isn’t it? Have you been told the exact day? We should organise a little celebration for her.”

🎩 And you really want to, because you do like Koala, and you don’t want to ruin what has until now been a good friendship; seeing her and Sabo together will break your heart, but at least you know he’s happy with his girlfriend. You’re determined to be positive, and be content with what you have. “Sabo? I said…” “Yeah, I heard you; it’s a good idea, but I don’t know when she’ll return exactly.” “Shouldn’t you ask Dragon?” “I will.” He doesn’t seem particularly enthusiastic, you think, rather his expression betrays tension, even guilt, to the point he can barely meet your eyes. But why? Does he fear his girlfriend will disapprove of the two of you sleeping together while she was away? It makes no sense, since the two of them had broken up and agreed they would be free to see other people. What then? Well, a year is a long time to spend apart when a couple has been together for less than that; maybe Sabo fears he and Koala won’t be able to simply pick up where they left off. What - oh God, what if Koala has met someone else? What if they decide not to…?

🎩 Stop. Don’t get your hopes up, (name); the higher you try to fly, the harder your fall will be, you tell yourself; it’s something your mother used to say. “Is everything alright? You know that whatever worries you, whatever you fear, you can tell me.” you murmur, taking Sabo’s face in your hands to force him to meet your eyes, and he nods, his eyes full of emotion. He doesn’t speak, but he takes advantage of the proximity to kiss you, hard, and you spend the rest of the night making love as if this were the last of your lives; you hold Sabo in your arms, not demanding to know what worries him, but making sure he understands that whatever he’s going through, he doesn’t have to face it alone.

🎩 You do love him. The feeling has been growing slowly inside you, and maybe you would have never realised it if not with Iva’s help, but now you know it’s true, and whatever happens you don’t regret having fallen for him, or having pursued a sexual relationship with him and then having to stop. You know Sabo will forever want to be your friend, and this is enough. You just want to be with him; nothing else matters. 

🎩 The next day you meet Dragon outside the mess hall, and ask him if he knows when Koala will be back, explaining that you’d like to organise a celebration for her return, and your leader looks at you strangely. “Koala has decided to remain at her current base indefinitely; she has been doing a great job, and the commander has asked her to stay.” he explains “I told Sabo almost a month ago, I thought he would have informed you.”

🎩 He hasn’t. 

🎩 You make sure not to meet Sabo for the rest of the day, including your now daily sessions in the training room late at night; you don't want him to worry, but the truth is you really need a little time to reflect on the recent revelation. Koala will not be returning to Baltigo, and Sabo knew already; he has avoided telling you for a whole month, and while you think you can understand why, you’re not sure whether what you’re thinking is rational reasoning or simple wishful thinking, and this scares you. You might ask for Iva’s advice, or simply remain silent and wait for Sabo to decide what to do; or you could act, speak up and tackle the matter directly. You could be sincere, like you and your friend have always promised to be with each other, and tell him exactly what you feel and think. 

🎩 Which is why in the afternoon you go to him and tell him that you have arranged for someone else to cover his duty for the rest of the day; Sabo blinks, nonplussed. “Why would you do something like that?” “Because we need to talk, Sabo, and I think you know about what; come on, we need to leave before Dragon sees us and finds something else for us to do.” Your friend follows you, his expression an odd mix of resignation and relief; you find a quiet corner to talk outside. “You know, right?” “If you’re talking about Koala deciding not to return, I do. Sabo… why didn’t you tell me? For a whole month?” you ask, and your friend sighs, taking your hands in his. “Do you really not know?” he asks quietly, and you, suddenly unsure, admit that you have your suspicions, but it feels presumptuous to even just hope they are true. 

🎩 “I thought… that it had to do with me; with us. That since we had agreed we’d continue to sleep together until Koala returned, the fact that she plans not to do so could mean that we can go on doing it indefinitely, should we both want it.” you explain, suddenly fearing you did get your hopes up for nothing; after all the fact that Sabo preferred not to lose his friend with benefits doesn’t necessarily mean he shares your feelings “You could have told me; you know I enjoy our time together, it… it wouldn’t have been an imposition.”

🎩 Sabo admits he was wrong to keep the truth from you… and that the possibility of you deciding to stop sleeping with him was only half the reason why he did it. “It’s just… well, I have cared for Koala very much, I missed her a lot and I’m still incredibly fond of her; but I have come to the conclusion that what I felt for her wasn’t love. I got to speak to her over the Den Den Mushi a month ago, and we agreed it was better for us to break up. She’s fine, I actually think she has met someone else; I don’t regret dating her, at all, but remaining together would have only made both miserable.” You nod, understanding his reasoning, determined to express what you feel but not knowing how. “I think you both did the right thing, and I would have never come between you, but I have to confess… recently I have found myself feeling jealous of Koala; of her… role in your life. You know how important our friendship is for me, and how great sex is between us, but… but I can’t help wanting something different; not something more, I would be more than happy either way, and I know you might never see me as anything other than a friend, but…” 

🎩 You stammer, not knowing how to conclude, but Sabo wordlessly opens his arms towards you, and a moment later you are embracing; he kisses your forehead. “You know I said I had realised what I felt for Koala wasn’t love? It was thanks to you that I understood that.” he murmurs “And I still want to be your friend, and to sleep with you; but knowing that we belong to each other would really be the best thing ever.”

🎩 No other words are necessary; you and Sabo hug each other tight, he kisses your tears, murmuring words in your ears you never dared to think you would one day get to hear, and you tell him how happy you are, happy to have him in your life, and to know that once again, you have chosen each other.

[monstrousvoice]

A Chance

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Relationship: Toshinori Yagi/All Might X Female Reader

AN: With my love of BNHA coming back, so too does my undying love for Toshi rise from the depths to inconvenience everyone who tries to have a conversation with me lasting longer than 5 minutes. This drabble was inspired by the following mood board as part of a challenge prompt in the discord server I’m in!

Tags: Fluff, Knight!Toshinori, References to past sexy times but nothing explicit

Summary: You are given the chance to pursue your own happiness with the one you love.

Read it on AO3!

“It really is unconventional my dear.” Your mother clucked her tongue at you before blowing on her steaming tea and taking a careful sip. You took a deep breath to keep your composure. It took nearly all your courage just to speak the words you had been sitting on for months at this point, and you had been prepared for a far harsher response. You gently swirled your spoon in your own tea cup, watching as the sugar cube melted away. You hated this blend, but it was Mother’s favorite and you needed any help to get her in a good mood.

Your father says nothing, simply watching you with a stoic expression. His tea cup sits full and untouched.

“I am…aware, of how odd it is-” Mother scoffs at your words.

“If you are so aware, why even entertain the idea? Honestly child.” She rolls her eyes at you. You bite your tongue, and take another deep breath.

“I simply think after all he’s done for us, for me, that he would be a good choice,” Another scoff. “And that he would…” make me happy, you want to say but don’t. Mother didn’t care about things like happiness in marriage. Marriage was a tool in a royal’s arsenal, like anything else.

“Oh yes, everything he’s done for us, and every neighboring kingdom from here to the coast! The man has no loyalty! He would sooner give up the crown to an invader than fight them! He has too many ties to too many people.”

“That isn’t true!” Mother narrows her eyes at your raised voice. You stiffen and look to your lap in a show of submission. “I-I am sorry. I just…”

“It is a foolish idea.” Mother takes another sip of her tea, opening her mouth to further admonish you for your proposal, but your father speaks.

“I disagree.” He rumbles. Mother closes her mouth with a sharp ‘click’. Your father may be content to let her rule the castle, the staff, and you as she sees fit, but every once in a small while he steps in. Those few times are almost enough to convince you he may care for you in some way.

“Father?” You prompt.

“He was born here. He trained here under my own father’s best knights. He has helped our neighbors as his warrior spirit demanded, but never to our detriment. Now that he can no longer fight the same way, why not reward him for his servitude?” Father blinks passively at Mother, the wisdom of many years of leadership in his eyes. Mother looks at him in shock, her own protests sounding weak now that she doesn’t have his support.

“Bu-I-! He is-! Why, he is too old now my lord husband! He-”

“He is as old as I am, and that brings wisdom and experience.”

“Wh-what of heirs!? He could never-with our daughter-!”

“Men older than us both have produced children before. It will be fine.”

Mother looks like she wants to protest further still, but you don’t pay her stuttered words any more mind. You stare at your father, a man you have spent most of your life fearing in some capacity. Fear of failure and disappointment, fear of losing him and leaving your home in disarray with no king to lead them.

Fear of being married off to some horrible man that would decide your fate, who would crush and break you under the weight of unwanted motherhood and wifely duties you would have no choice but to complete. Of one day suffering the quiet shame of having a husband who brings strangers to bed, of being an object meant to look pretty and nothing more.

And within this moment you dare hope that your life will not be as sad and grey. 

Father looks at you and nods his head. You stand, your fingers twitching with the effort to hold back your excitement. Never before have you so badly wanted to hug Father, but you refrain. It would be improper, Mother has always said. You bow low instead to show your gratitude.

“Th-thank you Father. Mother. I must-...I need to step out for a moment, please excuse me.” And with that you rush out the door to the private study and nearly collapse against the stone wall opposite you. The cool, rough texture against your palms and catching the fabric of your gown helps ground you.

This is real.

You can-you can marry the man you love. Bring him into a life of luxury and happiness you’ve wanted to give him for so long-

The click of the door behind you opening and closing echoes in your pounding head. With hazy eyes you look to see Father standing behind you, proud and tall as ever. He is smiling softly at you, a gentleness you didn’t think he possessed. It's an odd but not unpleasant expression to see on his face.

“I…” He starts, lifting a hand into the air and holding it there, fingers pinched. With a sigh he drops his hand back to his side, looking to the floor.

“With age comes wisdom.” He begins. “I regret many things when it comes to how you were raised.” You blink in shock at his words. You can see in his face…a quiet longing you hadn’t noticed before. It makes something in your heart squeeze.

“I wish…I wish I had been…” He sighs, his shoulders slumping as he looks to you. “I had you trained and molded to take charge of the kingdom after my passing, consort or no. I made sure you knew every battle tactic, every political game, every form of self defense I could cram into you to make sure you could be safe. I just wish I could have taken the time to…let you be you. To be my daughter, not just my heir. I wish I could have gotten to know you.”

The back of your eyes burn. You swallow and blink. You cannot show such clear emotion, not to anyone.

Well…to one person and one person only. 

That person is not Father.

“I married your mother because of the things she could teach you, the benefits she brought to our home.” Father steps closer to you. His arms lift, as if to reach for you. He freezes, hands shaking before he forces them down to his sides again. “I wish to give you a chance to be happy. If only in some small way. A way I never got to experience. Go to him, and you will be happy with him, I’m sure.”

Father has taken time out of his day to meet with you, to hear your proposal. He agreed to your proposal and gave you his blessing for the man you chose. He is standing before you and restraining himself from giving you a hug.

You take the final step to close the distance between you both, and your stiff arms wrap around his even stiffer form. You feel his hands slowly and carefully come to your back and rest there.

It is awkward and stiff and slightly uncomfortable.

It is the first hug you’ve ever received from Father.

You will cherish its memory for the rest of your life. He has made you happier on this day than you have ever felt.

Well, perhaps not happier than the day you met your fearsome and brave knight. It is close, however.

“Thank you Father. If it is acceptable, I wish to go see him.” Father’s arms drop from you as you step back, and he nods his head. You turn and rush down the hall.

~~~~~~~

You ignore the whispers that trail after you as you hunt through the castle hallways.

“Ah, her royal highness the cold fish. Wonder what has her in such a hurry.”

“Her highness is moving rather fast, do you think something’s happened? She’s normally so stoic and cold.”

“Just like her father, that one. Unfeeling and scary.”

Their words sting, but you hold your head high. You had thought you had been getting better at interacting with the staff, but apparently not if they still gossip in such ways about you. Your knight had been trying to help you be more approachable and open to others, considering he shined with charm and charisma like a beacon, but apparently you needed more work. 

It didn't matter right now, in any case. You have more important news to share with him. 

A tall figure, a flash of blonde, catches your eye down the corridor. You race after it and round the corner to see your knight and his young charge walking away. 

“Toshinori!” You call, and the two figures freeze, turning to look back at you. You rush closer, breathless and excited. Neither of them are in their full set of armor, only wearing the thickly padded tunic that has your kingdom's blazon proudly on display. You take a moment to admire the way your knight’s cloak drapes over his broad shoulders. 

He may not be as strong as he was when younger, but that thin, tall frame holds strength and resilience you can't help but love.

“G-good morning to you both. I apologize for the interruption-” You start, nodding at Izuku who stares up at you with shining eyes. Toshinori straightens up, his smile professional and calm as he addresses you. 

“No trouble at all, your highness.” He bows low to you, and for a moment his hand twitches as if to reach for you, but he forces it still. Izuku jolts as if shocked, quickly blowing low as well with a muttered ‘good morning’ of his own. He's still learning proper protocol, Toshinori had told you. The boy shows great promise as a knight and you know Toshinori is more proud of this boy than he is about any other accomplishment he has in his long career. 

“If I may, Ser Knight, I would like to speak to you about something…” Your eyes dart to the boy at his side. “Urgent.” Toshinori catches on, his eyebrows raising in surprise and slight concern before he turns to his student.

“Young Midoriya, make your way to the stables and complete your usual duties. I will find you later.” Toshinori smiles at the boy with a tenderness that makes your heart squeeze in your chest. The urge to kiss the laugh lines on his cheeks is nearly overwhelming, and you barely stop yourself from doing so. You need to talk to him first. 

Izuku hurries down the hallway with an eager stride, no doubt wanting to impress his teacher when they meet back up. With your own barely restrained enthusiasm you grab Toshinori's hand in your own and drag him to the closest private spot you know of. He stumbles for a moment as you pull him, letting out a choked noise of surprise. You can feel calluses from years of hard labor under the pads of your fingers, rough skin and scars that make your heart flutter with excitement. You've had those hands on you so many times, and now you know for certain you can feel them again for the rest of your life. 

If he wants such a thing, that is. 

“Y-your highness-! What is-” You ignore his questions, making a beeline for the nearest hidden alcove you can think of. It's a hidden spot right outside the entrance to the gardens, one you and Toshinori are very familiar with. Memories of his fingers, long and thick as they brought you to completion over and over while pressed against his chest flash through your mind as you pull him closer. It seems the same thoughts are on his mind as well, judging by the growing pink blush spreading over the bridge of his nose.

The sunlight bleeds through the leaves of the many trees planted, flowering blooms bright and colorful as fat bees buzz to and fro across them to collect nectar. A slight breeze picks up and you watch, mesmerized, as the golden hair of your knight seems to shine as it’s ruffled.

To think, you’ll be able to see him like this everyday for the rest of your life…if he accepts that is.

His voice startles you despite it being a whisper.

“My love, what is wrong? Did something happen…?” Despite the concern you see in his eyes, his mouth pulls up in a shy smile. “Or were you looking to…” One of his hands cups your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone in such a tender way it makes your very soul ache. Your eyes flutter shut as you turn into his palm, pressing a kiss against the rough skin. His blush deepens.

“I am flattered darling but is this really what you would consider ‘urgent’? You had me worried for a moment!” He chuckles, a deep soothing sound that sends shivers down your spine. You squeeze your thighs closed at the sudden rush of heat you feel at the sound. You manage to find your voice and speak.

“N-not entirely, beloved…” Your voice comes out as soft as his, a whisper to be carried away on the wind. Toshinori pulls you closer, his free arm wrapping around your waist to settle on the small of your back, his long fingers spreading to grip the meat of your ass. You squeak at the feeling, your hips pushing closer to his where you can feel his cock hardening under his tunic. He hums in interest at your words as he buries his nose into your hair.

“I was speaking with-...with Mother and Father today-” You feel him stiffen against you, and not because of arousal. He pulls back to look you in the eye, but his arms stay wrapped snugly around you. Toshinori’s brow is furrowed with concern as he looks at you.

“Are you alright? I know talks with Her Majesty can be…difficult for you. Is that why you came to me?” His eyes widened in panic. “A-and here I am trying to-! I am sorry love, you must be upset and I’m just-” You can feel his arms loosening from where they hold you tight, pulling away to give you space you most definitely did not want at the moment. You grip his wrists, tugging his hands back into their rightful place on you.

“No! No, I’m not upset please! Please-” You nuzzle into the hollow of his throat, “please hold me. I want to be held.” Your lips brush against his skin as you whisper and you hear him choke. Those strong arms wrap around you once more.

“Ah, a-as you wish…” Toshinori’s voice comes out breathless, and you feel him press a kiss to the crown of your head.

“It was a good talk. I was…” You pause, trying to think of the best way to phrase your question. “I was granted permission to…to court whomever I wish…”

You feel him suck in a sharp breath, his shoulders tensing under where your hands grip him to hold him close. You can hear the sound of his heartbeat where your head rests against his chest, and you know under your cheek is the very spot where his scar resides. You want to spend eternity like this, just being held by your knight like you’re something precious for once.

“...Truly? That's-that's fantastic my love…” You hear Toshinori gulp above you, his arms tightening their hold even further. 

“I think so too. I wanted to ask…” You pause and breathe deeply, grounding yourself. He wouldn't say no, there was no reason to say no. “I wanted to ask if you would consider…allowing me to court you, Ser Knight? And to one day be my King Consort.” You press a kiss to his cloth covered chest, right above his heart.

“My love…” You feel his hand, rough with callouses, cup your jaw and angle your head up to look at him. Piercing blue eyes that glow with resilience and determination stare into your own. “There is nothing I would love more, than to be by your side.”

And he seals this promise with a kiss.

[lsunstreakerl]

Famiglia-Familie

Chapter One Analysis:

First off- most of chapter one is kind of over a few concurrent days, so this is a bit shorter than my analysis for the other chapters is going to be.

- I imply in later chapters that Max sees more of the accident than what I actually write in chapter one, and that's true! There's a couple of reasons for that, one being that I just didn't want to write that, and the other being a super convenient excuse for reason one! the human brain, especially a young one (like, maybe, 14?) is going to block out a traumatic event, especially the finer details. Max's brain is literally rewriting what he's seeing in front of him and during the actual crash, in order to try and minimize the psychological damage.

- This ties into the way that Max struggles to even refer to the accident later on- he cuts himself off before he says "Jos", he won't call it "the accident" or even really think of it at all. Max divides his life solidly into a "before" chunk and an "after" chunk.

- "But issi/sunny, why was Force India even there?" Honestly, the way GP and Max meet in this fic is complete chance. There are so many spots where it could have gone otherwise, but it doesn't. I mention at the beginning of the fic that it's leading up to the race weekend, but it's still a wednesday, so there's a lot of the support staff driving around. A group of the Force India guys, including GP, were carpooling back to the hotel when they see the accident site, and they're genuinely just being good samaritans when they stop their car and start trying to help people.

- Max's arm is bothering him a bit while he's still stuck in the seatbelt, but the way that it has him restrained, (which he can't see) is actually doing him a bit of a favor at that point in the fic. It's cutting off blood flow, so Max isn't feeling how majorly fucked up his own bones are. (For curious minds: in this fic, Max has a spiral fracture down the body of his right distal ulna, comminuted fractures across his fingers in a few spots, and an impact fracture on the distal end of his right radius. There's some impact damage on the proximal ends as well, where the elbow joint forms, but it's not as severe as the fingers and wrist.)

- Because of the way Max landed, Hayden isn't able to see the way his arm is caught in the seatbelt until he asks Max to start moving, at which point he asks for the knife. Hayden does have a moment here where he's looking at the injury and wondering if it might be better to let EMS cut Max out, but he's worried they won't get there fast enough, and this is a kid, trapped in a metal van, when there's lightning out, and he makes the decision to cut Max out, and whatever those consequences are he's willing to live with them. (Triage is traumatic and stressful and for those of you who care about original side characters, yes, Hayden goes to therapy.) ((also because he saw a dead man))

- When Hayden cuts Max out of the seatbelt to pull him out, Max gets that blood flow back, which allows his arm to tell his brain "we have a problem!" Which is why he starts screaming. Rough night for him.

- Max is having such a genuinely awful night the entire time that that as soon as he's out of the car and someone (GP) is being kind to him, he decides he's going to cling, and he's not going to let go, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. GP is such a genuinely nice guy, and Max is tugging at all of his heartstrings, that he's like "sure I'll go to the hospital" because GP and the Force India crew could see Jos, and they know that Max is alone now.

- Max gets morphine in the ambulance. yippiee!

- Max is terrified in the hospital, because of everything that's been happening, and his arm, and all he has now is this unfamiliar stranger he'd decided to cling to, so he's like "fuck it, all in, I'm attached to this guy now" and then he doesn't want to even let GP consider leaving, which is why he makes life harder for the hospital staff by refusing to let go of GP.

- The Force India guys called Colin as soon as they pulled over, letting him know about the accident and that they were going to help. Colin keeps in touch with all of them throughout the night, finds out from one of the other guys that GP is with a random kid in the hospital, and acts accordingly. (Has people collect emergency supplies for a teenager and put it in GP's room)

- GP has a reputation in the garage for being soft hearted, so no one is at all surprised about how the situation actually ends up, because of course the guy who always breaks for squirrels and gets out of his car to carry a turtle across the road takes in a child in an emergency, that's just how Gianpiero is.

- When GP first calls Colin is the hospital, he's mostly just getting reassured that it's all okay, and to do whatever he needs to do for the kid. Colin tells him that if Max needs to come to the garage with him for the next few days, Force India can accommodate that.

- Max isn't really thinking about the "not talking" thing until he's confronted when the social worker, where he makes the conscious decision not to speak, both because "that makes everything real" and also because he's in an unfamiliar country, and he doesn't have a legal adult taking care of him, and he doesn't want to say the wrong thing and accidentally back himself into a corner.

- "He didn't get letters for very long" is one of the subtler more heartbreaking lines, because Victoria continues sending him letters for months, Jos just doesn't let Max know about them, so Max thinks Victoria stopped sending them, and Victoria thinks her older brother doesn't like her.

- GP goes through the legal hoops in the background of this fic. Colin has to vouch for his employment status a million times, he has to call the British Embassy in Germany to get the ball rolling on emergency foster certification and then standard foster certification, he has to get the emergency foster certification from Germany, and he has to juggle so many emails. Your average person would be completely overwhelmed, but GP is a race engineer, and being overwhelmed is kind of his job, so he handles it pretty well.

- Max goes into emergency surgery to handle some of the worst parts of his arms and fingers, but the hospital is still super clear with GP that Max needs to have some follow ups. (Max ends up with some serious hardware in his hand. He still has struggles with fine motor skills, and he's got killer osteoarthritis in his fingers, wrist, and forearm, but the brace helps with it.

- "issi/sunny, any hospital that lets a pediatric patient leave that soon after a surgery of that magnitude without a thorough welfare check should be ashamed of themselves!" IM NOT HERE TO BE REALISTIC IF I WANTED THAT I WOULD GO TO WORK.

- Max not looking in the mirror goes hand in hand with him not speaking, or acknowledging the accident. He knows he's injured, he knows as soon as he sees himself in the mirror with his injuries that he can't fool himself anymore, so he's not looking at all.

- GP has no idea what to do with a teenager, which is why he's kind of awkward at first. It's important to note that GP, again, has zero clue who Max is. GP thinks he's taking care of a kid who had a normal home life before a traumatic accident. GP does not think he's taking care of a kid who was already traumatized even before the accident, and he's not able to pick up on some of those warning signs until he and Max are living together.

- "Why doesn't Max go straight to Michael?" Max is 14, and has been told his entire life that nothing is more important than racing, and so of course this would be true for a world champion as well, and Max is so petrified of being a burden that he doesn't want Michael to know at all, because he knows Michael will drop everything to take care of him. (He's been raised to think that kind of behavior is soft and he doesn't need it.) He especially doesn't want to tell Michael right before a race as well. Max is also still trying to pretend it's not real, so the less familiar faces he's around the better.

- Max gets really into the data partially as a coping mechanism, because if he's looking at the data and trying to learn then he's not thinking about the accident. This is also why listening to GP read it out loud is soothing to him. GP has a nice voice, and Max can listen to him rattling off numbers and variables for hours. This is also the beginning of a little routine for the two of them when one of them is having a hard time, where they sit and they go over data together. (nerds)

- The Force India engineers are so excited to have someone genuinely interested in what they're doing that they fall in love with Max immediately.

- The Force India garage also knows why GP has Max- they know that Max is from the accident, and they know he's very grim and quiet, so they actually do kind of make a game out of trying to make him laugh, or at least smile.

- Yes, that is the actual qualifying and race results for Force India in the 2011 German GP.

- I don't actually know if Paul di Resta is a good guy or not, and I didn't want to look it up. ignorance is bliss and all that.

- Max taught himself to be ambidextrous because he thought it would be a cool party trick, and instead it's totally saved his ass now that he literally can't move his right hand.

- "issi/sunny, did you actually look at places for rent in Buckingham for this fic?" guys, I ended up on one of the Buckingham city council's 117 page documents detailing next years public transportation plans from like 2013. do not underestimate the depths I will go.

- Max trying to figure out what he would even want in his room is a bit heartbreaking, and GP doesn't understand why Max struggles with it so bad. (Again, GP is assuming Max lived in a house somewhere, when Max's house was the van, and the van is gone.)

- GP gets attached to Max almost immediately. Here is this quiet kid, from a horrific accident, and he's so scared, and for some reason he's putting his trust in GP, so GP isn't going to betray that. And then GP finds out that his quiet kid is so smart, and that he likes looking at the data, so of course GP is like "give him all the data he wants" and the garage loves him because he's quiet and well mannered and genuinely interested.

- Word gets around the paddock pretty quick about the accident in general, because it made local news, and then it also spreads that one of the race engineers from Force India is actually taking care of a kid from the accident site, so Max has always got people looking out for him when he's around the paddock. (Max doesn't realize this in the fic) he's quite literally a grid kid, in the realest sense.

- GP spends the entire time he's driving from his old flat to the new house freaking out about the whole thing. He's very careful and responsible to not ever show that in front of Max, but trust that there are multiple points in this fic where he is internally flipping his shit.

Feel free to ask questions/request clarification on things! If you actually read to the end of this 🫶

[noa-nightingale]

Finally had the time and energy to write a list about ep 55 of Pod Watcher (055: We Talk About The Past Year), so here are some things mentioned in that video about the WatcherTV announcement.

Steven said deciding to paywall most of their new content was one of the worst decisions they ever made.

Ryan said they hoped it would make the company more sustainable and they would be able to support their staff members, and that was the primary reason for the decision. He said after realizing what a mistake they had made, they tried to find a better solution that was "more inclusive of all the folks that have helped get us to this point" (i.e. their audience/fans).

Shane acknowledged that people don't react this passionately to things they don't care about.

Shane said some comments went over the line.

Steven said their viewers have to be at the heart of their content.

The shows they make on Watcher are a lot cheaper than the shows they made on Buzzfeed. Buzzfeed Unsolved had more people on staff than their entire company currently has.

Ryan said there was a lot of shame around having made a mistake and having hurt people. He talked about questioning his self-image. He said it took time to grapple with it and that's one of the reasons it has taken so long for them to talk about everything.

They are still figuring out how to make their company and the things they do sustainable.

They took a look at their shows to figure out what is the heart and core of them and what is not necessary (and where costs could be reduced).

Making Travel Season was cheaper than Puppet History and Ghost Files. (And Shane mentioned he saw people weaponizing Steven's ~gold eating~ - I want to mention this specifically because I am still angry about those comments.)

They dropped the "TV caliber content". Steven said this thing that was meant as a positive thing in the beginning became how to reach an imaginary bar that did not actually matter. He says the new bar is how to connect to and inspire their viewers, to be curious and do things they love and care about.

Ryan talked about the ego involved in wanting to push things further and making "TV caliber content" and said that the aftermath of the streamer announcement was an opportunity to refocus on what is actually important.

Steven said he asked around the company what their employees think about Watcher and the word that came up a lot was curiosity - they all care about curiosity and exploration.

Ryan said that sometimes you get misguided and need a smack on the head to get back on track - he said that the reaction to the streamer announcement was the biggest smack on the head he'd ever gotten and that he is grateful for it.

Steven apologized (again) for saying that anyone can afford $6 and that is was insensitive of him. Shane clarified that it was a thing they all released and that there was a lot of scapegoating on Steven.

They did not want to take the Goodbye Youtube down until they had the conversation and without unpacking everything. They want to take it down because it has info in it that is not true anymore. It's not about running away from it.

Steven thanked people for giving constructive criticism.

They talked about the future (very exciting!) and that they looked at what people want to see (which fortunately is also what they themselves want to make).

There will be more Ghost Files and more Mystery Files in 2025.

The channel will lean more into the paranormal, the mystery, the spooky.

Puppet History is coming back!

The food content will be moved to a new home (a new youtube channel). It will still be under Watcher's umbrella.

There will be bonus content on the streamer, including experimental things, new things, exlusive stuff (and Evidence Room lol). The videos will be there one month early and ad-free.

Watcher's discord got migrated over from patreon - if you have access to the streamer, you also have access to the discord.

Kudos to Matty for occasionally interjecting and asking important questions and guiding the conversation.

I tried to keep this short but there was a lot. I still highly recommend watching the entire video. It is not only very introspective but also a fascinating look into the Behind the Scenes at Watcher.

I watched the entire podcast episode again and while I love listening to Steven, Ryan and Shane, it was a bit emotionally draining. Would appreciate a few reblogs. :)

Thanks for reading! <3

[bisexualbrainrots]

well I did not expect the support the what if it's getting tbh, a bit overwhelming, so here's 2/4 of the bucktommy scenes from 3x09, a steamy little treat for y'all.

1/4 if you want to read it first.

“Oh, fuck,” Buck was breathless when he took Tommy’s shirt off and finally got to take a look at his body. In the almost three years they’ve been working together Evan Buckley had never, not once, seen Tommy without a shirt on (the exception being calendars). It was a bit ridiculous given the amount of times they would all find themselves in the locker rooms or the showers.

Tommy smirked, propped up on his elbows “Like what you see?” Buck would’ve rolled his eyes had this happened before their kiss, but now all he could do was stare at the older’s body, mouth watering.

“Yeah… a lot, actually” he looked up at Tommy, his eyes dark with a lust that made the blue in his pupils almost indistinguishable. Kinard almost moaned at the sight, but he contained himself, gulping hard.

Buck’s eyes were scanning everything: the broad shoulders that Tommy definitely had a hard time fitting into most of his shirts on without stretching them, the strong arms that had carried so many people during emergencies, those huge hands Evan was sure would fit nicely around his neck, the pecs he desperately wanted to bite into, and the abs that seemed to have been carved by gods and not countless hours at the gym.

His gaze went somewhere he’d only heard in stories, mostly by Chimney, but never got to see in real life. It was a mix of pink and red still, even after all those years, and it made Buck’s heart ache from becoming aware of how it could’ve taken him, and that they wouldn’t be in this moment had one thing gone terribly wrong.

Buck’s left hand brushed the tissue gently, like it was this delicate thing, “I heard about the scar before but… I never thought that this was how it looks like, does it, does it still hurt sometimes?”

Tommy thought about it for a second, it has been a while since somebody asked, “Not like before really, I mean, there’s moments of the year where I have to massage it but otherwise— oh” it was like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs the moment Buck’s lips dived in, kissing the scar with such care as if the tissue was going to break any minute. Tommy was squirming, overwhelmed, clearly not expecting Evan to treat him that way.

It didn't get any better when Buck's kisses extended throughout the area, passing through the lines of his abs to his ribs, ascending through his pecs where Tommy moaned when he felt Buck’s teeth sinking in. He writhed when the younger’s tongue licked his neck, sucking a little at the pulse point which made Tommy hold his hands tightly on Buck’s waist, it was surely going to leave marks.

“Evan…” the way he said his name had Buck grunting, grinding down so hard it made both of them sigh.

Tommy chuckled “You love it, don’t you? You love to hear your name out of my mouth, don’t you Evan?” Buck’s only response was to swallow his own moan with Tommy’s mouth, not letting the older prepare for his intruding tongue, who made a similar sound as him in return for the kiss

Buck was grinding frantically, slick chests from the layer of sweat covering them, his knuckles white as they held onto the armrest, he wanted— he needed to get closer to Tommy. He stilled, his hands went down towards Tommy’s belt, shaking a little as he tried to unbuckle it, which made the older stop their heated kiss to hold their hands together, stroking them with his thumbs.

“Do you want me to—?”

“No, I… I want to do it” despite the shakiness of his hands, Buck took no time with the belt and fly, and tapped Tommy’s hip so he would raise them. He gulped hard when he took the jeans and boxers, and almost all of the air in his lungs was out the moment he slid them down, revealing every inch of Tommy to him.

His brain stopped working for a few seconds, which Tommy took notice of and helped him to get rid of the clothes, throwing them aside. The older took Buck’s hands and let them rest on his thighs while the younger settled kneeling between his legs.

Tommy looked at Buck, feeling a little vulnerable since he was the only one fully naked “I know I’m not… perfect, but—”

“You’re gorgeous Tommy, everything about you is,” Buck blurted out, still entranced by the sight of Tommy: a blush rushing to appear on his cheeks and chest, and a glimmer on his eyes. Buck quickly took off his own jeans and threw them somewhere around the living room before reaching to kiss the older’s pelvis as his hands moved towards the inner thighs, and looked at him to make sure he had his approval to continue.

When Tommy nodded, maybe a little too enthusiastically, Buck stopped for a few seconds to bite at the other’s hip, which granted him a whimper and a hand to be placed on his head. He smiled and licked at the bitemarks, trading a few more kisses on the area before his hands reached for Tommy’s cock, one hand handling the balls while the other the shaft.

“I know I don’t have a… frame of reference,” Buck chuckled, looking up at Tommy who was grinning, his eyes looking at the younger with endearment, “But I know what I like so, tell me if there’s anything you want differently”

Tommy bit his lower lip when he felt Buck’s wrist twist, and rested his head on the cushion he had placed on the armrest a few moments ago “Okay, baby”

[everyryuujisuguro]

[someobscurereference]

Insane over the awakening trio again. We fought a war together, saved each other multiple times, and I know for a fact I can trust you with my life. We have never learned to socialize normally so we can't interact in a normal environment for five seconds without dunking on each other. I would follow you through time and space and abandon everything with you. You are the living reminder of every awful thing that have ever happened to me. Our traumas make us hurt each other at every turn. We're the only ones who know what lead to each other becoming Like That. Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. You are all I have left. I cannot fucking understand you. I am the only one in this entire world who has the ability to even try to.

x

[edwinisms]

I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.

they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.

teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

analyzing hermes, emet-selch, the ancients and ascians, how they're written, and the fandom's reaction to them be like hm. emet-selch's role in this fuckery is compounded by the fact that his backstory as a genocide survivor is incongruous with his ruling a huge genocidal colonialist world power in the present da [ANTISEMITISM BLAST]

[perenlop]

havent read tbc but i think its so funny how shadowsight seems to be popular to the people i follow just because “the narrative treats him like all the female characters do so hes an honorary girlie”

[asgardian--angels]

Planet's Fucked: What Can You Do To Help? (Long Post)

Since nobody is talking about the existential threat to the climate and the environment a second Trump term/Republican government control will cause, which to me supersedes literally every other issue, I wanted to just say my two cents, and some things you can do to help. I am a conservation biologist, whose field was hit substantially by the first Trump presidency. I study wild bees, birds, and plants.

In case anyone forgot what he did last time, he gagged scientists' ability to talk about climate change, he tried zeroing budgets for agencies like the NOAA, he attempted to gut protections in the Endangered Species Act (mainly by redefining 'take' in a way that would allow corporations to destroy habitat of imperiled species with no ramifications), he tried to do the same for the Migratory Bird Treaty Act (the law that offers official protection for native non-game birds), he sought to expand oil and coal extraction from federal protected lands, he shrunk the size of multiple national preserves, HE PULLED US OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE AGREEMENT, and more.

We are at a crucial tipping point in being able to slow the pace of climate change, where we decide what emissions scenario we will operate at, with existential consequences for both the environment and people. We are also in the middle of the Sixth Mass Extinction, with the rate of species extinctions far surpassing background rates due completely to human actions. What we do now will determine the fate of the environment for hundreds or thousands of years - from our ability to grow key food crops (goodbye corn belt! I hated you anyway but), to the pressure on coastal communities that will face the brunt of sea level rise and intensifying extreme weather events, to desertification, ocean acidification, wildfires, melting permafrost (yay, outbreaks of deadly frozen viruses!), and a breaking down of ecosystems and ecosystem services due to continued habitat loss and species declines, especially insect declines. The fact that the environment is clearly a low priority issue despite the very real existential threat to so many people, is beyond my ability to understand. I do partly blame the public education system for offering no mandatory environmental science curriculum or any at all in most places. What it means is that it will take the support of everyone who does care to make any amount of difference in this steeply uphill battle.

There are not enough environmental scientists to solve these issues, not if public support is not on our side and the majority of the general public is either uninformed or actively hostile towards climate science (or any conservation science).

So what can you, my fellow Americans, do to help mitigate and minimize the inevitable damage that lay ahead?

I'm not going to tell you to recycle more or take shorter showers. I'll be honest, that stuff is a drop in the bucket. What does matter on the individual level is restoring and protecting habitat, reducing threats to at-risk species, reducing pesticide use, improving agricultural practices, and pushing for policy changes. Restoring CONNECTIVITY to our landscape - corridors of contiguous habitat - will make all the difference for wildlife to be able to survive a changing climate and continued human population expansion.

**Caveat that I work in the northeast with pollinators and birds so I cannot provide specific organizations for some topics, including climate change focused NGOs. Scientists on tumblr who specialize in other fields, please add your own recommended resources. **

We need two things: FUNDING and MANPOWER.

You may surprised to find that an insane amount of conservation work is carried out by volunteers. We don't ever have the funds to pay most of the people who want to help. If you really really care, consider going into a conservation-related field as a career. It's rewarding, passionate work.

At the national level, please support:

The Nature Conservancy

Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation

Cornell Lab of Ornithology (including eBird)

National Audubon Society

Federal Duck Stamps (you don't need to be a hunter to buy one!)

These first four work to acquire and restore critical habitat, change environmental policy, and educate the public. There is almost certainly a Nature Conservancy-owned property within driving distance of you. Xerces plays a very large role in pollinator conservation, including sustainable agriculture, native bee monitoring programs, and the Bee City/Bee Campus USA programs. The Lab of O is one of the world's leaders in bird research and conservation. Audubon focuses on bird conservation. You can get annual memberships to these organizations and receive cool swag and/or a subscription to their publications which are well worth it. You can also volunteer your time; we need thousands of volunteers to do everything from conducting wildlife surveys, invasive species removal, providing outreach programming, managing habitat/clearing trails, planting trees, you name it. Federal Duck Stamps are the major revenue for wetland conservation; hunters need to buy them to hunt waterfowl but anyone can get them to collect!

THERE ARE DEFINITELY MORE, but these are a start.

Additionally, any federal or local organizations that seek to provide support and relief to those affected by hurricanes, sea level rise, any form of coastal climate change...

At the regional level:

These are a list of topics that affect major regions of the United States. Since I do not work in most of these areas I don't feel confident recommending specific organizations, but please seek resources relating to these as they are likely major conservation issues near you.

PRAIRIE CONSERVATION & PRAIRIE POTHOLE WETLANDS

DRYING OF THE COLORADO RIVER (good overview video linked)

PROTECTION OF ESTUARIES AND SALTMARSH, ESPECIALLY IN THE DELAWARE BAY AND LONG ISLAND (and mangroves further south, everglades etc; this includes restoring LIVING SHORELINES instead of concrete storm walls; also check out the likely-soon extinction of saltmarsh sparrows)

UNDAMMING MAJOR RIVERS (not just the Colorado; restoring salmon runs, restoring historic floodplains)

NATIVE POLLINATOR DECLINES (NOT honeybees. for fuck's sake. honeybees are non-native domesticated animals. don't you DARE get honeybee hives to 'save the bees')

WILDLIFE ALONG THE SOUTHERN BORDER (support the Mission Butterfly Center!)

INVASIVE PLANT AND ANIMAL SPECIES (this is everywhere but the specifics will differ regionally, dear lord please help Hawaii)

LOSS OF WETLANDS NATIONWIDE (some states have lost over 90% of their wetlands, I'm looking at you California, Ohio, Illinois)

INDUSTRIAL AGRICULTURE, esp in the CORN BELT and CALIFORNIA - this is an issue much bigger than each of us, but we can work incrementally to promote sustainable practices and create habitat in farmland-dominated areas. Support small, local farms, especially those that use soil regenerative practices, no-till agriculture, no pesticides/Integrated Pest Management/no neonicotinoids/at least non-persistent pesticides. We need more farmers enrolling in NRCS programs to put farmland in temporary or permanent wetland easements, or to rent the land for a 30-year solar farm cycle. We've lost over 99% of our prairies to corn and soybeans. Let's not make it 100%.

INDIGENOUS LAND-BACK EFFORTS/INDIGENOUS LAND MANAGEMENT/TEK (adding this because there have been increasing efforts not just for reparations but to also allow indigenous communities to steward and manage lands either fully independently or alongside western science, and it would have great benefits for both people and the land; I know others on here could speak much more on this. Please platform indigenous voices)

HARMFUL ALGAL BLOOMS (get your neighbors to stop dumping fertilizers on their lawn next to lakes, reduce agricultural runoff)

OCEAN PLASTIC (it's not straws, it's mostly commercial fishing line/trawling equipment and microplastics)

A lot of these are interconnected. And of course not a complete list.

At the state and local level:

You probably have the most power to make change at the local level!

Support or volunteer at your local nature centers, local/state land conservancy non-profits (find out who owns&manages the preserves you like to hike at!), state fish & game dept/non-game program, local Audubon chapters (they do a LOT). Participate in a Christmas Bird Count!

Join local garden clubs, which install and maintain town plantings - encourage them to use NATIVE plants. Join a community garden!

Get your college campus or city/town certified in the Bee Campus USA/Bee City USA programs from the Xerces Society

Check out your state's official plant nursery, forest society, natural heritage program, anything that you could become a member of, get plants from, or volunteer at.

Volunteer to be part of your town's conservation commission, which makes decisions about land management and funding

Attend classes or volunteer with your land grant university's cooperative extension (including master gardener programs)

Literally any volunteer effort aimed at improving the local environment, whether that's picking up litter, pulling invasive plants, installing a local garden, planting trees in a city park, ANYTHING. make a positive change in your own sphere. learn the local issues affecting your nearby ecosystems. I guarantee some lake or river nearby is polluted

MAKE HABITAT IN YOUR COMMUNITY. Biggest thing you can do. Use plants native to your area in your yard or garden. Ditch your lawn. Don't use pesticides (including mosquito spraying, tick spraying, Roundup, etc). Don't use fertilizers that will run off into drinking water. Leave the leaves in your yard. Get your school/college to plant native gardens. Plant native trees (most trees planted in yards are not native). Remove invasive plants in your yard.

On this last point, HERE ARE EASY ONLINE RESOURCES TO FIND NATIVE PLANTS and LEARN ABOUT NATIVE GARDENING:

Xerces Society Pollinator Conservation Resource Center

Pollinator Pathway

Audubon Native Plant Finder

Homegrown National Park (and Doug Tallamy's other books)

National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder (clunky but somewhat helpful)

Heather Holm (for prairie/midwest/northeast)

MonarchGard w/ Benjamin Vogt (for prairie/midwest)

Native Plant Trust (northeast & mid-atlantic)

Grow Native Massachusetts (northeast)

Habitat Gardening in Central New York (northeast)

There are many more - I'm not familiar with resources for western states. Print books are your biggest friend. Happy to provide a list of those.

Lastly, you can help scientists monitor species using citizen science. Contribute to iNaturalist, eBird, Bumblebee Watch, or any number of more geographically or taxonomically targeted programs (for instance, our state has a butterfly census carried out by citizen volunteers).

In short? Get curious, get educated, get involved. Notice your local nature, find out how it's threatened, and find out who's working to protect it that you can help with. The health of the planet, including our resilience to climate change, is determined by small local efforts to maintain and restore habitat. That is how we survive this. When government funding won't come, when we're beat back at every turn trying to get policy changed, it comes down to each individual person creating a safe refuge for nature.

Thanks for reading this far. Please feel free to add your own credible resources and organizations.

[whispering-kavka]

the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell

[sexbot300]

18+, minors dni! (being a slut for nanami bc honestly who isn’t)

authors note: hello! this is my first-ever post, i hope you guys enjoy it! (I literally have no idea how layouts work yet, bear with me)

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sugardaddy!nanami who scolds you whenever you feel as if you’re “doing too much,” with all the lavish gifts he gives you. nothing is too much for his angel.

sugardaddy!nanami that asks which jewelry set you like best. emerald or ruby? ah. how about both?

sugardaddy!nanami who you thought would be a joyless, serious man as people portray him. they’re not lying, he really is serious, to people that aren’t you. you’ll witness a soft side of him that only shows the most gentle of smiles.

sugardaddy!nanami who gladly scoops you up bridal style in his arms, walking while you burry your head into his chest.

sugardaddy!nanami who unpacks the gifts he gets you on the countertop after a business trip. “kento, baby, you shouldn’t have.” you play with the polyester ribbon while he simply leans back on the fridge opening up a beverage. “I couldn’t help but have the prettiest woman in the world waiting for me at home. it would be embarrassing of me to show up empty-handed.”

sugardaddy!nanami who for the first few times that you went out with him, meticulously kept track of the things you called “cute” and noted wherever your eyes wandered for a minute too long. the next morning you woke up with everything you ogled your eyes at decorating your room. attached is a note that read, “please forgive me, sweetheart, I didn’t know which you liked best. p.s. my sincerest apologies again, I let my own thoughts get carried away. be good for me and wear this tonight.” your fingers gingerly held onto the note, until your eyes fell on two things you don’t remember looking at when you went out shopping. a beautiful silk gown and an expensive lingerie set.

sugardaddy!nanami who will gladly kneel to strap your heel, placing a kiss on your ankle, after trailing his hand up and down your shin.

sugardaddy!nanami who sends you a monthly allowance for your hair, nails, skincare, and whatever you desire.

sugardaddy!nanami who thinks indulging in materialistic things is futile, but he wants to see you decorated in every fine piece of fabric, clothing, and accessories.

sugardaddy!nanami who acts as if he’s unbothered by you curling up on his lap while he types away on his work computer. you couldn’t even tell how much he adores every second of this as he idly types away. he loves to have you pushed up on him all the time, the minute you slightly move? a strong hand is placed on your thigh or waist to prevent you from leaving.

sugardaddy!nanami who’s only condition is to continue this dynamic until you’re unhappy or want nothing to do with it. (you literally want to marry this man but okay).

sugardaddy!nanami who has a saturday night ritual with you where you buy the most extravagant of desserts and feed it to each other. oh yeah, you have to be sitting on his lap the entire time while you both feed each other from the same fork.

sugardaddy!nanami who places his nose on the nape of your neck while you’re seated on him as he sharply breathes in your scent. “as much as I enjoy eating sweets with you,” he said in a whisper, “they could never mimic your taste.”

sugardaddy!nanami who started off paying your rent, bills, and utilities which he felt mentally, secretly disgruntled by. not because he’s paying (duh) or he has to take care of you, it’s just the fact you haven’t moved in with him yet.

sugardaddy!nanami who considers you under his care and deems your wellbeing as his responsibility. you’re hurt? point to where. your body is sore? lay back down while he massages you. you’re hungry? food is being sent over and here’s money for grocery shopping. you’re upset? he kneels down in front of you as he attentively listens to your sobs.

sugardaddy!nanami who supports your hobbies. he’ll drop off little things that he knows have to do with your interests and only says, “you like this don’t you?” you name drop pilates, cooking, art, knitting, whatever it is, he signs you up for the nearest classes.

sugardaddy!nanami who actually notices if you did something different with your hair, if you wore a new shade of lip gloss. little things.

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚

sugardaddy!nanami who places the most tender of kisses onto your forehead like he didn’t wreck your shit a second prior. “such a good girl… i’m so so proud. taking my cock in so well.”

sugardaddy!nanami that plays with your body in subtle ways. hands? his big, veiny fingers are stroking yours gently. thighs? constantly getting gripped. your waist? a strong arm wrapped around it. your cheek? a thumb stroking it. shoulders? relieving tension from it. collarbone? rearranging your necklace so it lays properly. guts? fucked out of place. makeup? smeared all across his luxurious bedsheets. lips? blown out from sucking his monster cock and making out.

sugardaddy!nanami who rents out an entire summer beach house with a glorious view of the ocean. partially because he likes the privacy of you two alone, surrounded by nature, and romantic sunset dinners. also because he wants to watch you ride him while he leans back on a beach chair without disturbing the public. (nobody is allowed to see what’s his).

sugardaddy!nanami who actually pounded you into another dimension, your mind still in a haze while he carries you to the running bath. “stay with me princess, i need to clean you up.”

sugardaddy!nanami who makes sure you finish several times before he does. oh poor baby, you’re out of breath? would you like some water? we’re not finished yet. poor nanami didn’t get to cum once, and you so badly want him to use your body to do so.

sugardaddy!nanami who buys you a personal collection of sex toys to play with when he’s not there. he personally studies the way your body twitches and convulses with certain toys, he needs to know how to please his princess. sometimes he chuckles to himself because he knows deep down, nothing– no one, can please you the way he does.

sugardaddy!nanami who sees you stressed or crying over school and work and quickly replaces those tears with ones of joy.

sugardaddy!nanami who will have you folded like a damn lawn chair and only whisper sweet nothings while drilling into you.

sugardaddy!nanami who has a high sex drive but hides it in the beginning like the gentleman he is, making sure you feel comfortable and safe.

sugardaddy!nanami who gives you the car you’ve been wanting forever. you ride the car for a bit with him ecstatic, kissing him over and over, giggling. you both quickly found a new way to celebrate. you’re pinned down over the glove compartment, one large hand gripping both of yours as they’re pinned to your back, and the sounds of skin slapping with your loud moans mix in the air. “ke-n-toooo~ I-I don’t want to ge- uh! It m-messy in h-ere…” “don’t worry darling, I-” a low grunt comes out, “i always cum inside dont I?” he quickens up the pace only to have you screaming like a whore. “t-that’s it. just take it. It feels good, I know,” he mercilessly pounds into you, kissing your temple, “just come undone on me, that’s it. make me proud.”

sugardaddy!nanami who texts you to quickly come to the office and sends you a cab for an urgent “visit.” why? he’s stressed and his favorite method to cool down is your throat expanding around his girthy dick. he'll grip the strands of your hair while cooing at you, "i know angel, i know. but you look so beautiful right now, don't stop."

sugardaddy!nanami who groans from the stressors of his job, turning his attention to you while he pushes himself back on his chair. he looks down on his bulge before sighing and tugging his tie down left and right. “go ahead. come suck me off, i need it and I know you want it too.”

sugardaddy!nanami who does the whole pillow underneath, hand pressed on lower abdomen, with a vibrator wand abusing your clit.

sugardaddy!nanami who has a diet that consists of devouring your pussy on a regular basis. “b-babe… i- ah! s-slow down,” as you elicit a loud dirty moan that fills the room, “pleaaaase.” if only you knew he takes more pleasure out of this than you and you’re the one gripping his hair to the point of leaving his scalp red. he further pushes his nose into you, mumbling, “beg all you want, I’m not done.”

sugardaddy!nanami who is a gentleman, really. who will kill anything within 5 meters if it remotely threatens you. but he can’t help but admire the way your little cunt can’t fully take it the first few times together.

sugardaddy!nanami who never thought much of daddy kinks, but when he hears “daddy” slip out of your precious mouth, his heels dig deeper into the mattress, his massive body weight shifts crushing you, angling his dick in an almost sinful way while pressing you deeper into a mating press. “say it again.”

sugardaddy!nanami who watches you squirm with a vibrator jammed to your clit and his tongue lapping up and down your cunt like any separation from his tongue and your pussy will cause his death. “k-kento s-stop this feeli- ah! I th- oh god! I think I need to pee!” he can’t help but chuckle in his head. his baby never squirted before until now.

sugardaddy!nanami who secretly wants to get you knocked up. man loves fucking his cum into you. he has such a big breeding kink that you catch on.

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

[stompandhollar]

Honestly the most revolutionary thing about Gravity Falls to me is its commitment to sincerity.

I’ve been listening to Alex’s podcast where he goes into the details of each episode with different storyboard artists and writers who worked on the show, and it just baffles me how… cared for the story is. Right now in media there’s been an uptick in satire, and shows making fun of themselves for existing, or taking the piss at their own content to “win” fans to their side. It’s like whimsy is gone from so many pieces of media. But Gravity Falls just doesn’t… do that. It completely embraces itself. Weirdness and all. And so does the team behind it. I’m not used to something I care about being so cared about by everyone surrounding it.

Here’s this cartoon, written and illustrated by an entire team of people saying, “no, we’re serious. we mean this. we made this on purpose and we made it important.”

Throughout the podcast, Alex discusses little ins and outs of each character, offering so much deep internal struggles and enriching the story even farther. And listening to him unpack it with the utmost sincerity just warms my heart. Each character is so dynamic because they were cared for by people who imbued them with sincerity.

That’s exactly why we get quotes like “Shame is powerful, but it grows in the dark,” as Ford realizes the trauma he’s hidden for so long is being embraced by his family, diminishing it’s weight on him through their immediate support.

It’s why we get Alex describing Stanley with quotes like; “I always in my gut thought of him as somebody with a huge well of sadness, a loss of human connection. And that need to please? That need to get laughs from the crowd, and putting on a big show? He’s trying to get from them the affection he never got from his family, and that he lost with his brother.”

Or detailing how Mabel might be a goof… but half the time she’s doing a bit, because she’s really more mature than her brother and doesn’t want him to grow up too fast. She’s trying to help ground him and bring lightheartedness into his life. Because she knows otherwise, he’ll become too self isolated.

And those two mini character studies he dropped so casually in these podcast episodes just… color the show. It’s why the show survived so well even after ten years. It’s gruff-old Stan always calling his niece “Pumpkin” and “Honey”. It’s the family always holding hands without it behind laced with a joke, and falling asleep on one another in the car. It’s Alex explaining that people toyed with other endings, other plot lines, other twists, but it was always going to end with Stan and Ford mending the family tie they severed thirty years ago. Because that was their story. Messes and family and care.

Ten years ago, watching it for the first time as it came out, I felt all that. But now, as an adult, knowing that all the other adults who made it felt the exact same way? :,) What a special story we all got to grow up with, and get to continue being apart of.