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telanadasvhenan · 4 months ago

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thinking more about the psychological aspect of solavellan, and before I start, I'd like to stress that this is NOT CRITICAL of it, I actually think it's what makes part of the dynamic interesting. My word isn't the be all and end all, however, this is just my musings on the topic :] Also, REALLY long post! so, more under the read more lol

From Lavellan's point of view, I would personally struggle to see her trusting another lover or close one again for a long time, if ever again. I don't really think people ever talk about the real impact of the things she goes through, or what solas put her through, and the hurt as a result of it. The relationship is never defined between the two of them, it's always spoken about in vague undetermined words from their companions and poetic elvish between the two of them. Are they lovers? companions? partners? it's really up to the player. Leliana says that "you were close", Sera says Lavellan is "in it." Vhenan means home, heart, it's not a word said lightly imo and he tells you he loves her by their second kiss. It's never an official thing, so how secure can Lavellan truly feel?

This could go both ways when it comes to the break up. Crestwood, as a scene, is so interesting to me because the first portion seems like a man brought to his knees by weakness for the woman he loves. The two of them never cease to touch, fingers entwined, shoulders brushing, skin to skin. It's so reminiscent of how Lavellan matches his Hallelujah cadence. They're two parts of a song singing together. It's a gorgeous scene and it's understandable how so many are angry at how it ends because the whiplash between how it starts and what it leaves you with is severe. Imagine this from lavellan's shoes.

You're desperately in love with someone at odds with your people, who is wonderful and enticing and smart. Loving solas feels like loving the whole world, like being free and connected with the stars. But you don't know what this is. And, if you thought you did, how far can you presume? Is Lavellan always on edge, scared to love him deeper and richer than he loves her? or is she in a false sense of security, assuming his affection is forever hers. So when he not only breaks away your faith and trust in your history, plus potentially the vallaslin, she is clearly deeply upset. This isn't a minor fact that simply can be swept aside. The vallaslin is important. And Solas, even with the best intentions, has hurt her. He knows it and there's a reason why he apologises (bc he wimped out on the real truth). How much more does he know about her people that he has refused to tell her or kept from her by omission? Can you imagine the embarrassment, the utter humiliation of that secret? how many memories of them together where she replays his distaste for her people in her mind, knowing that he has access to knowledge that could change her perception of her past? Its ALOT. and thats even before the breakup.

Solas is not kind about the break up. It's rushed (impulsive to me) and doesn't do their connection justice. His composure cracks in places and it's very unlike him. It absolutely blindsides the player, so imagine being in Lavellan's place, AFTER THE VALLASLIN? personally, I wouldn't have been able to function. I half suspect that a sad, calm Lavellan is also in shock or disassociation. Because how else do you cope? The lack of communication between them alone is enough to raise my eyebrows. He promises answers. He confides that she saw through his mask and doesn't tell her what was real, and what was fake. He has given her a kernel truth whilst keeping her in the dark. Everything he told her could be a false, imaginary polite mask or it could be the truth. Where does it end? Where does he begin? Where does she stand?

I don't know if everyone has experienced what it's like to be ghosted or for a friend to simply disappear one day, but it changes you. I say this as someone who has both been avoidant as well as anxious, but you never recover. Someone disappearing like that makes you doubt any reassurance that people won't just evaporate from your life. So when Solas just disappears, the game's single conversation with Leliana feels a little lacking to me. I understand that they can't really dedicate a lot to it, I get that, so I'd like to fill it in. At first, it's search parties. Solas wouldn't just leave her like that. He promised her answers. He started another mural just before they left for corypheus. He didn't intend to just leave, surely.

Days, weeks and months pass. The question is worse than the truth. Is he dead? Did he use them? Was he being truthful when he spoke to her in those ruins, or another polite mask he could hide behind? Is it better if he's dead or better than he didn't deem her worthy enough to even say goodbye? We, as the players, obviously know this isn't true, but she doesn't know that. Does your lavellan assume the worst and be overcome with grief that her one love, her heart, her home, was nothing more than a lie of omission? or is there anger there at his betrayal of her trust once more? I seriously doubt it was easy to forget or dismiss. That kind of disappearance ruins your trust with people. Something. Anything would have been enough.

Again, this is all my opinion on how these emotions would play out and DEFINITELY NOT canon nor do they have to be! But I seriously struggle to see how Lavellan could even come to heal from these wounds within even a two year time skip. By the time of trespasser, almost everyone has left her side. She's almost entirely alone again, save Cullen and Josie (and leliana if she's not divine). And thats okay: they all have rich lives to return to. But that must just reaffirm to her that no one will stay. She is alone. How does she trust again?

And then there is Fen'harel. Lavellan's reaction to fen'harel has always lacked the fear I kind of hoped would be there? I mean this isn't just a minor deity, this IS THE antagonist of her entire faith. I'm assuming that she's lost hope in the gods, even though it's confirmed to her that they're real, but that message has been a part of her since childhood. So learning that he is the dreadwolf, again not from him, but from the fragments of his past must cut her deeply.

Her love was never who he said he was, she knows this, but who is the real man? She's never known him in a context where he can truly show her. Her love is fragmented between each identity he holds. Her trust that he is who he said he is fragments with it. The knowledge that not only has he been watching the inquisition, her, for years without a single hint that he lives or is okay must destroy her. Could you imagine how insignificant you must feel to him? And he essentially affirms to her that yes, in the greater scheme of things, his love and hers are inconsequential. They cannot matter to him because he cannot strive from his path. His indulgence was a mistake. And it's undeniably cruel. I love solas and I cannot argue that he was kind to Lavellan because he wasn't. To me, there is no way to see his actions as kind. Understandable, absolutely and definitely without malicious intent.

Lavellan learns that he loved her just as deeply, if not more. He loved her with all his heart and it did not matter. She changed him and it has only brought him more pain. He loves her too much to even allow her near him, to even give himself that weakness. They are apart from each other in an endless distance, only the two of them in the world. No one else.

Obviously, each Lavellan is different, and I've made a lot of assumptions, but I think it's worth considering. How do you love someone again after all of that? How much can you rebuild your faith after what you have learnt. Lavellan has loved a "god" (I know he's not a god, but for all intents and purposes, he has the power of a god and wears an evanuris crown.) and in turn, a god has loved her. And he left her with one last embrace that will leave its mark on her forever, then he leaves once more. Lavellan is alone.

Each love after is met with suspicion, distrust and comparison. Lavellan is entirely changed. How many pieces of her can be taken away until she is no longer herself? Each person wears a new mask she cannot determine. Where do they begin? Where can she find herself?

How lonely it must be to love someone like Solas and be at the other side of an endless distance.

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7s3ven · 6 months ago

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Hi! I love all of your harry potter writing!! I was wondering if maybe you could do something thats one of the slytherin guys (theo preferably) with a hufflepuff girl reader and just a tonnn of angst? like a happy ending but just a good amount of angst lol (maybe hes mean to her or smtg - or like he is just to keep up an appearance in front of his slytherin friends??) idk lol

ANGST IS MY FORTE.

BACK TO THE START. theodore nott

IN WHICH… theodore nott is dating the perfect girl, yet prefers to keep her hidden from his friends.

“Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.”

Warnings/notes : angst (duh, it’s me), matteo riddle and his dumb jokes, illusion to mature content, panic attack, astoria x draco mentioned, pansy x blaise mentioned

—

A/N : thank you so much for the request and the kind comment!

Being a Slytherin was hard. Being part of the popular cliche was even worse. It wasn’t hard for Theodore Nott to blend in with his crowd. He was rich, a little bit crazy when he drank, and as all of them were, an asshole to an extent.

Theo had his life all planned out; get sorted into Slytherin, check. Join the popular group, check. Date another rich Slytherin girl who he’d only use for reputation, not checked. That last point was an important part of his life plan but, as if the universe intentionally wanted to screw him over, his gaze was constantly stuck on a Hufflepuff.

Y/N L/N wasn’t all too bad. She was pretty (or gorgeous as Theo liked to mentally describe her), rich enough, and had a big reputation in school and outside. She should have been Theo’s ideal type if she wasn’t draped in that damn yellow uniform.

Nevertheless, Theo was smitten by her. He talked to her in secret, wanting to avoid his friends’ shifty eyes and gossip. They’d no doubt tell his parents that he was talking to a Hufflepuff of all people. But, at least she wasn’t in Gryffindor.

He kept her hidden from the world, which he knew she hated but what else could he do?

“Theo.” Y/N called out in the empty hallway. She had her books clutched closely to her chest, scared they’d drop. Theo passed, his heart slightly sinking.

How was he supposed to tell Y/N, his secret girlfriend, that he still wanted to remain a secret despite promising her otherwise? Theo didn’t have the time to even think about it before he heard loud chatter that could only be his friends.

“Theo!” Pansy exclaimed, jogging towards him. She didn’t even notice Y/N, pushing past the H/C-haired girl without a word. “You have to try Enzo’s batch of cookies! He’s actually getting good at baking after last month’s incident.”

Theo lightly chuckled before he remembered Y/N was still here. She was looking at him like she expected him to do something. He quickly brushed past Pansy. He could feel his friends staring daggers into his back, all curious as to what he was doing.

“I told you I don’t want to go out with you. Leave me alone, Hufflepuff.” Theo wasn’t half-bad at acting after all the times he had to pretend to brush Y/N off for the sake of his friends. He subtly leaned forward, “I can’t be weak around my friends, Y/N. You understand, right? I’ll tell them soon.”

It was ironic how Theo made the first move yet never revealed his relationship with Y/N.

“Yeah… sure.” Y/N whispered.

Theo quickly walked away, catching up with his friends. “What was that?” Astoria questioned as she hooked arms with Theo to quicken his pace.

“Just another lovesick girl.” Theo uttered, loud enough for Y/N to hear. He didn’t even spare her a glance as he walked away, breaking yet another empty promise.

“Isn’t that the same girl from two weeks ago?” Pansy asked.

“They all look the same to me.” His words, fake or not, always left Y/N wondering what was wrong with their relationship. She was a good girlfriend so why was Theo always acting so embarrassed of her? Was he ashamed of her?

Theo told her every time that he’d make their relationship public but he never did, too scared of what his parents and companions would think.

What a coward.

Y/N arrived in the Great Hall and immediately slumped into her usual seat beside her friends. “Hi.” She casually greeted them.

“Boyfriend troubles again?” One of her friends, Cerci, asked.

They all knew Y/N was dating someone from Slytherin, but she never told them his name. They didn’t doubt her, there were plenty of other Slytherin guys who would have asked Y/N out if it wasn’t for Theo.

“He keeps saying he’ll tell his friends but he never does. And it drags on for months. I can’t stand it anymore.” Y/N stabbed her breakfast with her fork and sighed.

“Just break up.” Alice, another girl, piped up. Cerci elbowed her.

“You can’t just say that, Alice. You know this topic is sensitive to Y/N.”

“I’m just saying. If he treats her so wrong, why not just break up?”

The pair begun to bicker, as always. There was never a dull moment with Cerci and Alice around. Y/N’s eyes shifted to Theo, who was trying to shake Astoria off his arm. He succeeded, but spilled pumpkin juice on his blazer.

Matteo immediately burst into laughter that could be heard even at the Hufflepuff table. Alice and Cerci seemed to notice the commotion.

“Nott and Greengrass are at it again.” Alice sighed. “You know, there’s a rumor going around that they’re dating.”

Cerci scoffed. “No way. Greengrass likes Malfoy, everybody knows that. And besides, I saw Nott with some H/C-haired girl and they seemed pretty close.”

Y/N quickly lifted her head, lips parted. “What?” She asked. “You saw Theo with someone?”

Cerci scrunched up her eyebrows. “Since when did you start calling him Theo?”

“We were paired up for potions last year. Old habit, sorry.” Y/N quickly lied through her teeth.

Theo was a master at hiding things, even his girlfriend, but not good enough to avoid Cerci’s watchful eye.

“Nott’s handsome, I guess, but have you seen Riddle? Too bad he’s a player.” Alice mumbled before taking a sip from her goblet.

Cerci snickered. “And an idiot. He asked me if the color orange came before the fruit. Everyone knows it’s the color.”

“No. It’s the fruit.” Alice immediately backfired. “Thats like asking if the chicken came before the egg. Which, by the way, was the chicken because of evolution.”

“Where did the chicken come from then? It needs to come from an egg.”

Y/N could only slump in her seat once more as her friends argued about trivial matters that she didn’t care about.

“Woah. What did I miss on my bathroom break?” Esme, the last member of their closely knit friend group, returned. She readjusted her blouse as she sat next to Y/N, stealing a grape from Cerci’s plate.

“Y/N’s having relationship problems with her little boyfriend. Any advice?” Cerci uttered through mouthfuls of food.

“And how does that relate to your argument about chickens and oranges?” Esme raised an eyebrow.

“What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Alice asked, leaning forward to know Esme’s opinion on the matter.

Esme sighed, quickly rolling her eyes. “Oh, not this again. It doesn’t matter. Shouldn’t we be focusing on Y/N right now?”

Alice and Cerci exchanged a glance before looking back at Y/N.

Esme sighed. “You two are useless sometimes. Y/N, if you don’t want to be secret anymore, confront him about it. It’s not fair to you if he keeps you hidden.”

Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line before sparing another look at Theo. “Yeah, I’ll try.” She murmured, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand.

—

Y/N spent all day thinking about what to do. Either she could confront Theo, which seemed like the obvious choice, or let him walk all over her. As much as she wanted to choose the first option, she was still an empath and wanted to see what was burdening Theo so much.

It was in potions, one of Y/N’s unexpectedly best classes, when Matteo Riddle surprisingly approached her. “L/N, right?” The handsome boy asked, leaning forward onto her desk. Y/N’s eyes darted to Theo, whose jaw was tightly clenched.

“Uh… yes.” Y/N muttered, lightly clearing her throat.

“I hear you’re good at potions. You wouldn’t mind tutoring me, right? I’ll make sure to give you a special treat after.” Matteo winked with a stupid boyish grin on his face that Y/N would’ve found charming if Theo didn’t exist.

“Back it up, Matteo.” Theo interrupted, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder and forcing Matteo to take a step back. Y/N’s heart jumped and she subconsciously sat up straighter in her chair. She tried to smile at Theo, anything to catch his wavering attention, but it was fruitless. The next words that rolled off Theo’s tongue stunned Y/N. “You know better than to be associating with low-life, Hufflepuff trash.”

Y/N’s smile immediately dropped. She could feel Theo’s apologetic gaze on her but his words cut deep. Theo left Y/N to sit with Pansy, who had been watching the whole thing with furrowed eyebrows.

“He’s joking.” Matteo tried to cover for his friend. Out of all the Slytherin boys, Y/N had expected for Matteo to be the meanest. But here he was, trying to lighten the mood with a Hufflepuff of all people.

“Right.” Y/N whispered, blinking away tears. If Theo were anybody else, maybe a random classmate she barely acknowledged, then his words wouldn’t have hit so deep. But he was her boyfriend.

Theodore Nott was the same boy who secretly showed up to every quidditch practice when Y/N had been on the team. He was the same sweet boy who aimlessly followed Y/N around the school when she was nothing but his crush, asking to hold her books. Since when had Y/N been the one chasing after him?

Y/N subtly packed her things away with the intention of skipping class to rewatch The Notebook or any other film that would lift her spirit.

Barely anybody noticed her slipping out of the classroom. She almost bumped into Professor Snape, who had been walking in at the same time. After seeing her glassy eyes and shaking hands, Snape let her past with a nod of acknowledgment.

“I expect you to catch up, Miss L/N. Complete page two hundred and twenty three.” Snape uttered.

“Yes, professor.” She weakly replied back.

She was walking to the bathrooms, head lowered and trying to hold back tears, when someone grasped her shoulder and spun her around. Y/N let out a loud gasp of surprise before a hand covered her mouth and she was dragged into an empty classroom.

“Whatever you think I did, I didn’t do!” Y/N exclaimed as she screwed her eyes shut and held her hands up. “I swear I didn’t steal your pet snake! When will you let it go?!” After hearing nothing but silence, she opened one eye. “Oh… it’s you, Theo.”

She was slightly glad it was only him and not the strange boy from two months ago who was sure Y/N stole his pet snake. He went to extreme lengths to try and prove it.

“First I’ve heard of that pet snake. We’ll go back to that later because I’m curious.” Theo placed his hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “Y/N, you know I love you.” Of course she knew that. It was hard to miss when Theo would mutter the same three words between every hidden, breathless kiss. “My parents and even friends expect a lot from me and I can’t go around just telling people I’m dating a Hufflepuff.”

Theo said Y/N’s house like it was a derogatory term.

“Are you breaking up with me?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“What? No.” Theo was at a loss for words. Y/N truly was his whole world but letting both Y/N and his Pureblood life collide was a recipe for disaster.

“Really? Because this sounds like a breakup speech.” Y/N retorted. A few tears slid down her cheeks and Theo was quick to wipe them away.

“I’m not breaking up with you. I just need you to understand what I’m doing.”

Y/N didn’t know if she could ever understand his reasons. They were all so bizarre and could be easily solved through telling the truth. A sudden wave of confidence drew over Y/N.

“I don’t understand, Theo. You always reassure me that you’ll tell your friends about us but you never do. And sometimes you’re mean to me just to save your reputation. You showed interest first, you talked to me first. You initiated everything first, so why are you trying to pretend like you didn’t? Matteo Riddle out of all people had the heart to comfort me while you walked away. You’re supposed to be nice to me, Theo, that’s your job as my boyfriend.”

Theo never once interrupted her, knowing he was in the wrong. “I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster.

“I don’t want an apology. I want you to tell your friends.”

Theo sighed. “You know I can’t… you know I need to keep up my appearance.”

“Is losing me not reason enough?”

“Don’t make me choose, Y/N.” Theo shook his head. “Please. You know how important my reputation is.”

Y/N slowly grasped Theo’s hands, intertwining their fingers for a moment before dropping them. “If you can’t choose, I’ll decide for you. I don’t want to be a secret anymore, Theo, and it’s clear that you won’t give up your reputation. So keep your reputation and I’ll see myself out.”

“No, Y/N, please.” Theodore Nott was above begging but he’d get down on his knees and plead for Y/N to stay. “I can’t do this without you. I need you. Please. Y/N.”

He watched as she picked up her bag, sparing Theo one more look over her shoulder. “Sorry, Theo. It’s for the best.” She brushed past the door, gently closing it behind her. Theo slumped into a seat behind him, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands gripping his face.

What had he done?

He felt stupid now for not mustering up the courage to tell his friends about Y/N. His leg bounced up and down as he regretted every mean word he spoke to Y/N in an attempt to cover up their relationship. She didn’t deserve that. She was the kindest girl he knew, always giving others a helping hand.

He gripped his shirt, nails digging into the skin beneath the thin fabric. Theo could feel his heart beating at an abnormal rate but it wouldn’t stop no matter how many desperate deep breaths he inhaled.

The room suddenly felt too small and Theo felt claustrophobic, a feeling he had never experienced before. The world was flashing before his eyes with every ragged breath he took.

“Y/N, please don’t go.” He whispered despite knowing she was already long gone by now. He wrapped his arms around himself, shaking. “Don’t go.” He repeated as an attempt to comfort himself. He harshly tugged at his hair, cursing at himself for being so stupid as to letting Y/N go.

He should have tried harder. He should have done everything she asked. He only had his reputation to worry about, but at what cost?

With his head hanging low, he made his way back towards his dorm, trusting his friends would bring his supplies back. He collapsed onto his bed, feeling numb. He was a little bit angry that Y/N broke it off so casually without much tears. Was he not worth it? He suddenly realized how Y/N felt, having to watch your lover walk away like nothing happened.

—

The days following the breakup were gloomy, and that was an understatement. Theo realized early that Y/N was much better at masking her feelings behind a fake facade of happiness than him. He spent every free hour wallowing in self-pity, hoping to catch another glimpse of Y/N like the good old days where he didn’t care about his relationship.

“Theo.” Pansy waved a hand in front of Theo’s face. He scowled, not wanting to go through another rant of how Blaise refused to make the first move. She sat beside him on the green couch, handing him a bottle of alcohol. It was the end of the term, and as always the Slytherin house decided to host a large party. Anybody was invited, unless your name was Harry Potter.

Draco had gone as far in their petty rivalry to hang up a sign at the entrance, stating “no Potters”allowed. He spelled Potter wrong at first, spelling it as pottery, which resulted in the Weasley twins bringing in jars of clay pottery. Theo quietly laughed at that.

“How’s your girl?” Pansy asked as she took a sip from her can of lemonade vodka.

“We broke up. She had enough of me- wait.” Theo quickly turned his head to stare at Pansy, “How do you know about Y/N?”

Pansy simply shrugged with a grin stretching across her lips. “Your words are convincing, Theo, but I’ve known you for a while. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you sneaking off and coming back with lipstick marks?”

Theo’s head hung low. “It doesn’t matter now. She’s done with me and vice versa.” He swirled his drink around before taking a gulp.

“You’re stupid, you know.” Pansy spoke up, “If you liked her so much, you shouldn’t have let her go.”

“I had no choice.”

“You had a choice. The door for you was wide open. You just never stepped inside, too scared of others’ opinions.”

“I’m a Pureblood. I can’t be dating a Hufflepuff girl.”

“You’re a boy, Theo. Three years from now, nobody will care that you dated a Hufflepuff.”

“I’ll care!” Theo exclaimed over the loud blaring music. Pansy didn’t flinch, only staring at him with a mix of pity and annoyance. “My parents expect me to marry a Slytherin girl.”

“You sacrificed your girlfriend for something your parents told you ten years ago?” Pansy was judging him now with a hardened stare. “Be careful how you treat girls, Theo. One day, you’ll realize the possibility of losing her is very much real.”

Pansy subtly pointed behind Theo. He glanced over his shoulder, his wandering gaze immediately spotting Y/N. Her friend, Alice, had an arm hooked around her while a boy was trying to hold a conversation.

“Do what you want, Theo. But if you don’t act fast, you’ll lose her for good.” Pansy stood up to retrieve another drink.

Theo, with his heart beating too fast to be healthy, jumped to his feet and pushed past the crowd. He didn’t know what he was going to do or what he was even going to say but he was determined to shove the other boy away.

Blaise was standing with Matteo on the other side of the room, holding a microphone. A dumb idea struck Theo, which he knew he was going to regret the moment he stepped onto that stage.

Y/N’s eyes lit up as she saw Theo walking through the crowd, scowling at anybody in his way. He caught her gaze and for a second she thought he was going to willingly talk to her in front of his peers. But he walked straight past, his shoulder lightly brushing hers.

Y/N deflated, all hope of having a second chance with Theo disappearing. Until she heard the microphone screech and the music abruptly stopped.

She didn’t have to turn to know who was interrupting the party. She heard his voice and immediately knew

“I’m going to fucking regret this. Matteo, shut your mouth or I’ll throw you out the window.” Theo said, glaring at his friend. He sighed before continuing. “I had a girlfriend.”

Some of the crowd lightly gasped, not expecting Hogwarts resident playboy to start his announcement off with that.

“She was sweet, and kind, and all I could ask for. But I cared more about what my family and friends thought so I lost her. I always promised her that I’d tell my friends about us but I never did so I’m doing it now. I don’t expect her to forgive me.” Theo glanced at Y/N who was already staring at him with her head tilted to the side slightly. “But I owe it to her.”

“Hurry up, man!” Someone shouted, “This is boring!”

“I’ll throw you into the black lake so it’s not boring!” Theo aggressively yelled back. “All I’m trying to say is that I had a girlfriend who wasn’t a Slytherin like most people expected. I was head over heels for a Hufflepuff.”

Theo didn’t hesitate to expose his secret. After years of stating he’d date a Slytherin to anybody who would listen, he ended up with a Hufflepuff instead of one of his lovesick Slytherin fangirls.

"Theo, man, I wanna get back to drinking. Are you done?!" Matteo yelled, cupping his hands over his mouth.

"Matteo, I'm done when I'm done! Y/N L/N is the girl I'm head over heels for, okay?! I forced her to keep our relationship hidden, and I will always regret that. She is smart, beautiful, and kind and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would announce to the whole world that we were dating! After we broke up, I didn’t want anything else but to talk to her again. So I drew her over and over again and my mind was focused on only her.”

Matteo snickered from the side of the stage. “Dude.” He said, almost judging Theo for being so vulnerable.

“Shut up, you banged a Gryffindor girl then cried when she said it was nothing but a hookup. Don’t pretend like I didn’t see you sobbing and eating ice cream in the kitchen.” Theo wittily retorted.

That silenced Matteo.

“I don’t understand why as a Slytherin, I have to date another Slytherin. I can be happy with a Hufflepuff too, whoever I date doesn’t alter my way of living. Now I'm done, go get drunk, Matteo!" Theo shoved the microphone into Matteo's hands, glaring at him.

Theo found Y/N with Alice, who was intensely questioning the H/C-haired girl. “When were you going to tell me the Theodore Nott was your boyfriend?!” Alice yelled as she shook Y/N by the shoulders. "Were you ever going to tell us?!"

"Ex-boyfriend." Y/N quickly corrected her friend.

"Secret admirer, actually. Like old times." Theo butted in, standing behind Y/N with his hands shoved into his pockets. “I’m not demanding you to forgive me, Y/N.”

He kneeled down, gripping onto Y/N’s hands like his life depended on it. He had seen enough romance movies with Y/N to get the hint of what kind of guy she wanted.

“From now on, no more secrets. I don’t care if you never take me back, all I need is for you to look in my direction again. Let’s start over, Y/N.”

—

The school was buzzing with gossip after last night’s party, the word of Y/N and Theo’s relationship spreading fast.

“Is it true?” Hermione asked, leaning forward. “Were you really dating Theodore Nott?” Y/N silently smiled, sick of all the questions she was receiving. At least it was her last class for the day, she could return to her dorm after and sleep.

Y/N was the first out of the door when class ended. She turned down an empty hallway, a shortcut she would always take with Theo when she was too lazy to hike through the large castle.

“Hey, Y/N, right?” Someone questioned.

Y/N looked over her shoulder, half-expecting another guy to shoot his shot after hearing the news about her and Theo. Instead, it was actually Theo.

“I’m Theodore Nott, nice to meet you again.”

Y/N stared at his outstretched hand before slowly shaking it. “Nice to see you too, Theo. Where are you heading?”

“To the kitchen to bake some cookies with a certain beautiful girl. Would you care to tag along?”

When Theo said he wanted to start over, Y/N didn’t know he’d take it to the very beginning.

“What kind of cookies?” She asked as they walked through the hallway, hands linked.

“Your favourite along with a cup of coffee while you study herbology. Just like old times.”

#theodore nott x reader #theodore nott #blaise zabini #pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #matteo riddle #slytherin #gryffindor #hufflepuff reader #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #hermione granger #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #hp prompts #hogwarts mystery #hp fanfic #hp fandom

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smallpeniscollective · 1 year ago

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Raphael fuckers, come get y'all juice!!

another smutty Raphael/Haarlep blurb for a concept I CANNOT get out of my HEAD

ladies, gentlemen, and anyone else who showed up to the potluck, here’s some good old fashioned dp with Raphael and Haarlep

content: pov/2nd person, she/her pronouns, afab body parts, pet names, devil sex, fingering with claws (yeOWCH), orgasm delay/denial, p-in-v, p-in-a, double penetration, master/pet dynamic, and whatever else comes with sploinking the devil and his incubus

trigger warning for pain during sex and also for rough sex as punishment for stealing from the house of hope

(this kinda ended up Way longer than a blurb so please enjoy just some porn with barely any plot)

*~*~*

He could have whisked your clothes away in an instant with one of his usual theatrical snaps, but you could sense this was a power play, to make you feel your submission to him deep under your skin. Ravenous, glowing eyes watched as you undressed, making you feel suddenly shy and yearning to hide from his penetrating gaze.

“Oh, don’t be timid now, little mouse. You lost that right the second you entered my home without permission.”

While your terrifyingly hopeless situation had your blood running cold, you couldn’t deny that feeling the low rumble of his voice in your naked chest sent a fresh wave of arousal to your core. You continued to undress with averted eyes and shaky hands. When you dropped the last of your clothing onto a small pile on the floor, you managed to look up at him with anxiously rounded eyes.

“On the bed,” he ordered. His voice sounded cruel and cold, contradicting how intimate this felt to you.

You felt the sensation of shame drop your heart in your chest, unable to stop the panicked wondering of what your companions would think of their fearless leader degrading herself so willingly for a devil.

But your body acted of its own volition, obeying his orders and climbing into the bed rather ungracefully. You sat towards the edge of the bed on your heels, kneeling before him as if he were the answer to your prayers, despite him being the main threat to your existence in this moment.

He approached the mattress with slow and calculated steps while his tail swished behind him like an irritated cat. His wings extended out wide, encompassing you and blocking your view of anything but him.

His hand raised, and you instinctively flinched, only for him to slowly stroke his knuckles down the side of your cheek. His lips curled into a wicked grin in response to your fear. “Don’t act so scared, little thief. I won’t harm you… yet.”

Your heartbeat quickened in your chest at the promise of pain.

He gripped your chin tightly with his thumb and finger, pressing his claw into your bottom lip. When your lips instinctively parted, he dove in. You never expected his kisses to be gentle, but the scorch of his lips pulled a surprised noise out of you. Your eyes fluttered closed as you let him consume you with greedy licks of his hot tongue.

His other hand grazed your cheek before tracing down the side of your neck, claws scratching against your soft skin as he slid that hand into the hair at the nape of your neck.

When your hands moved to touch him, he gripped your hair and yanked your head back harshly, prying your open mouth from his. You whimpered from the sting of your hair almost being ripped out.

“You will not move until instructed. Do you understand?”

You tried to nod your head, but his firm grip on your hair didn’t allow much wiggle room.

“Use your words, pet.” His eyes were half-lidded with lust, but the cruel glare shined through his fiery irises.

“Yes,” you squeaked. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment at how weak you felt in that moment, when your entire journey seemed to have been about proving your strength.

“Yes, what?” He asked, tilting his head to the side and squinting his eyes at you. He was searching for submission in your frightened eyes, attempting to crush any form of rebellion against him you had left.

You reactively gulped, mouth suddenly dry as you realized what he wanted. With your voice as meek and vulnerable as you had ever heard it, you whispered, “Yes, master.”

The sharp-toothed grin that spread across his face could only be described as pure evil. The hero of Faerun, the ender of the Shadow Curse and life-saver to any unfortunate soul who crossed your path, was nothing but a mere pet to their new master.

“I so enjoy that title from your lips, dearest pet,” he hummed.

Before you could think of any response, his heavy hands swiftly moved to shove your shoulders back, sending you flying into mattress. You landed with a gasp on your back, and he was quick to pull your legs towards him, spreading you wide for him.

He had been able to smell your arousal from the moment he laid eyes on you in his home, but seeing now how truly wet you were for him, slick dripping from your folds and smeared across your inner thighs, it seemed to boost his ego beyond his absurd level of narcissism. “My, my,” he mused, swiping a clawed finger along your drenched slit, “it seems you rather enjoy submitting to my whims.”

Without instruction to move, you gripped the silken sheets with quick, shaky breaths as he toyed with you. When his claw caught on your clit, you inhaled sharply and bit down in your bottom lip.

Suddenly, two large fingers were shoved into you, and you couldn’t stop the moan that escaped you at the feeling of being stretched beyond what your own two fingers could manage. His pace was teasingly slow as he watched your body react to his touch, how your thighs trembled and your abdomen clenched. When his gaze shifted up at your eyes squeezed shut, he paused his motions. “Eyes on me, little mouse. You wouldn’t want me to take your averted gaze as disrespect, would you?”

“No,” you whimpered, opening your eyes slowly. When you met his eyes, his stare was downright predatory, and it sent a shiver up your spine.

“No?” he asked sharply, correcting your mistake of forgetting your manners. He forced his hand in deep, and you felt the tips of his claws press into your cervix in a warning.

“No, master.” Your brows upturned with an unspoken apology.

“Do not make me remind you again,” he threatened, digging his claws deeper into the flesh of your cunt.

“I’m sorry, master,” you whined. You could feel your walls throbbing around his hot fingers.

Satisfied with your reply, he continued pumping his fingers into you, letting his sharp claws freely scrape against your insides. Your moans mixed with winces as you experienced the pleasure mixing with pain in a way you never pictured yourself enjoying so much.

After what felt like an eternity of such sinful pleasure, a warmth bloomed below your stomach, pulling a string tight within you. When your walls tightened around his fingers, he pulled them out, eliciting a pathetic whine from your lips as that feeling in your abdomen sizzled out.

“Fret not, dearest thief, we’re not done yet,” he murmured before stepping back from the bed and snapping his wet fingers.

A flash of bright flames sparked, and you recognized the devilish form that appeared beside the bed.

“You called, master?” Haarlep asked, shifting his gaze from the still-clothed cambion to your naked body with unbridled lust.

Raphael looked over at Haarlep, and you witnessed the possessive gleam in his eyes fade into something colder and strangely more distant in regards to his personal incubus. “I want you to fuck our little thief,” he said bluntly. “And do make sure she comes. It will make the next act of our torrid affair… easier to handle.”

His phrasing had your mind beginning to spin with worry, but before you could vocalize any concerns, Haarlep obliged his master. He crawled onto the bed with fluid movements and slithered over your smaller frame, lining up his already-hard cock with your soaked entrance.

“Wait,” Raphael barked. Haarlep turned towards his master, and you both watched as Raphael walked towards the side of the bed and snapped his fingers once more. An elegant chair appeared behind him, and he promptly sat, crossing his leg over his knee and curling his fingers around his chin as if he were in deep thought. “Now, you may begin.”

At his words, Haarlep turned back to you, smiling wickedly. “I remember you,” he said, his voice identical to Raphael’s but with more whimsy, “you were the little mouse who snuck around the cat’s house. How does it feel to be beneath his claws?”

“Haarlep, your order was to fuck her, not to make conversation,” You could hear the annoyance in his tone.

“Very well, master,” Haarlep said, before settling his hands on the plump flesh of your hips and pushing into you. The first thing you felt was the sting of the stretch, much larger than anything you had felt before. You panted between pained moans as the ridges and bumps that adorned his member dragged along your tight walls, and your eyes squeezed shut involuntarily in response.

“Eyes on me, pet,” Raphael said, and you obediently opened them once more, turning your head to face him as Haarlep ground his hips against yours to nudge his cock deeper into you. Raphael studied your face as your brows upturned and your mouth hung open in intense pleasure.

You could see outline of Raphael’s erection through his breeches; he was feeling every sensation that the incubus was as you were taken in front of him. Raphael's eyes remained on you as he demanded, “Harder,” but you could tell the order was not for you when Haarlep’s grip on your hips tightened. His claws left deep, crescent-shaped indentions as they dug into your delicate skin.

Haarlep’s sensual slower thrusting then became hard pounding, and the sound of wet skin slapping against skin began to fill the room, along with the noises he pulled out of you. Your knuckles turned white from the grip you had on Raphael’s sheets as your low moans morphed into cries of pleasure. Your eyes were still on his but beginning to blur with tears as he watched you be fucked relentlessly by his copy.

Raphael let out his own quiet groans as he felt the sensation of your phantom cunt squeezing and quivering around him. He smoothly uncrossed his legs, spreading his thighs in a deliciously dominant way and untied the string to his breeches to free his aching cock. Precum leaked from his tip as he lazily stroked his shaft.

“Touch her,” he ordered Haarlep. You grew somehow even wetter at his orders when his eyes never left you.

“As you wish,” you heard Haarlep’s voice sing out, his face just barely in your peripheral view. One of his hands moved from your hip to your most sensitive region, and you gasped loudly at the caress of your clit as he continued his hard thrusts.

At the sensation of your clit being touched and the pleasurable pounding you were taking, your knees lifted of their own accord to hold at Haarlep's hips. You could feel the bruises forming already from the ridges on his hips digging into your skin, yet that string inside of you wound tightly once more. You knew it wouldn’t take long for it to snap.

Your loud moans were music to Raphael’s ears as he stroked harder and tighter, his cock now glistening with an abundance of precum. He grunted before asking in a voice even lower and reverberant than before, “Do you wish to come, little mouse?”

“Yes, master,” you managed through your moans.

“And she calls you ‘master’,” Haarlep cooed at your use of the word. “What a delectable little mouse, indeed.”

Haarlep’s generous circling of your aching clit and deep rutting had you seeing stars. You could feel yourself on the cusp of your orgasm, and your thighs began to shake vigorously from holding it back. Raphael could see this, watching you teeter on that edge with a lick of his lips.

He waited, of course.

Pleasure turned into torture as you wailed, your fingers going numb from how tightly you were gripping the sheets. Your muscles grew taught with the exertion of holding in your orgasm.

You didn’t want to beg, but you couldn’t take it anymore. “Please, master!” you cried out, hot tears rolling down your cheeks.

When your cries of pleasure became pitiful sobs, Raphael finally relented.

“Go on then, pet. Come for me.”

With a strained moan, your back arched and your vision blurred as white hot pleasure flooded through you, ebbing through you in waves as Haarlep rode you through it, pounding so hard you could feel it bruise your cervix.

Your thighs twitched as your legs instinctively tried to close from the overstimulation of still being ravaged by the incubus, but Haarlep moved his hands to your knees to keep your legs pried open for him as he continued.

“Enough.” Raphael stood up from his chair as Haarlep stopped his movements, stilling himself inside of you and turned his head towards Raphael. “Up.”

You looked to Haarlep, and Haarlep glanced your way quickly to express his annoyance in having to stop before pulling himself off of you. You let out a soft whine as he pulled his cock out of you, feeling suddenly empty.

“You as well,” Raphael said, gesturing at your limp body.

You took in a deep breath and sat up, muscles already sore as you slinked off of the bed. When you stood up, your knees almost buckled beneath you, but you kept yourself up on trembling legs. He noticed, smirking to himself at your weakened state.

With another snap of his fingers, his clothes were gone, and you couldn’t help but stare at his naked form. You had seen it on Haarlep, but Haarlep’s form was a little less sharp than Raphael’s, with his slightly rounder jaw and softer nose. Raphael’s true naked form was enthralling, the divots and ridges on his body seeming sharper, more dangerous.

He took his place on the bed, leaning back against the headboard with a smug expression. He gestured to his cock, still erect and glistening with his precum.

You understood the silent command, climbing back onto the bed. You crawled on all fours towards him and took the opportunity to freely graze your hands up his muscular legs, touching as much skin as you could—as much skin as you were allowed to touch. Despite how rough the two fiends had been with you, your touch was adoring and gentle as your fingertips brushed over the ridges and protruding veins.

When Raphael's expression shifted from inquisitive to impatient, you took it as a cue to fulfill his desire and made your way to his lap to straddle his textured hips. You let your drenched folds glide over his shaft in a slight teasing manner, this being the only teasing you could sneak in before his hands seized the meat of your thighs to serve as a reminder of who was in charge.

You took the large member in your much smaller hand while your other hand landed on his broad chest for stability, and you slid the head of his cock down your slit to guide it towards your entrance. With a sharp breath, you pushed down onto him, still feeling sore from the previous pounding. When your hips landed against his with him fully sheathed, you took a moment to adjust to the sheer size of him yet again. Both of your hands on his chest now, feeling the slow rise and fall of his breathing, and he, in turn, gave your thighs an assertive squeeze to let you know he was done waiting.

Your pace was slow on weak thighs as you rocked yourself against him. But his cock nudging that soft spot deep in your core egged you on, giving you just enough energy to revitalize your need.

You let yourself fall against him, clinging to him and nestling your face in the warmth that was the crook of his neck as you chased that high once more. His hands moved to your waist, forcing you down harder against him, and you couldn't stop the whimpers tumbling past your lips, landing right in his ear.

You felt the bed dip in weight behind you, but you were too focused on the grind of your hips and the pleasure climbing in your core to pay any mind to it.

"What a naughty little pet," you heard Haarlep muse from behind you, but you didn't dare slow or stop your movements. Haarlep sat himself atop Rapahel's mid-thighs, planting himself right behind you, and you could feel his heat radiating onto your back.

"Some spittle, to prepare her," Raphael instructed through soft grunts, and Haarlep eagerly complied, deftly snaking a large hand around the column of your throat before suddenly prying you off of Raphael and pulling you back against him.

Then Haarlep took his turn devouring your lips. His kiss was much more gentle than Raphael's, and you couldn’t help but melt into his touch. Your hips ground down harder against Raphael as Haarlep beckoned your lips open with a swipe of his tongue. The second your lips parted for him, his tongue was barging into your mouth, stroking your tongue with tender licks.

When the saliva seeping down your throat made you reactively gulp, you felt your insides light up with an energy that could only be described as carnal lust in its most calamitous form. Electricity seeped into every fiber of your being, tingling all the way down to your fingers and toes. Every muscle in your body ached for sex, more and more sex until it consumed you whole.

Subconsciously, your pace atop Raphael quickened. Your moans, muffled by Haarlep's mouth on yours, heightened in pitch and intensity. Arousal pooled beneath you, leaking onto Raphael's skin and aiding your gliding atop his hips.

Raphael leaned forward, greedily taking a nipple into his mouth while his other hand groped at your other breast roughly. Your hands flew to his head, your fingers digging into his soft hair as you pulled him further against you. You practically mewled when his hot tongue ran over the bud, letting his sharpened teeth scratch your sensitive skin as he sucked.

Your core felt dangerously aflame with a mounting pleasure surging through every inch of your body. Haarlep released your lips, eyes burning into yours to watch his spittle work its magic on you. With his hand still on your throat, his other hand tickled the skin along your spine as it snuck down your back.

In your haze of primal desire, you almost didn't notice Haarlep's fingers swipe at the puddle of your own wetness beneath you, until you felt those fingers smear the slick over your unused hole. Still holding his stare, your eyes widened at the realization of what the next act of your "torrid affair" truly was.

Raphael intended to stuff you full of two cocks, both of which he would be feeling inside of you.

Your mouth dropped open, attempting to stutter out any protest you could think of in the moment, but your words—or lack thereof—were cut short by the hand around your throat quickly moving up. Your jaw was abruptly encapsulated by Haarlep's large hand, muffling any noise you could make.

"Hush now," his voice rumbled in your ear, sending more tingles down your spine. Your labored breathing through your nostrils sounded loud against his hand. "Don't you want to be a good little mouse for your master?"

At the word, Raphael released your breasts, paying his full attention to the interaction between you and Haarlep. You felt him pull away, and your frantic eyes locked with his in a silent plea. You had never had any lovers use that particular hole; you weren't ready for it to be intruded upon.

But the spittle in your veins begged for more.

The tip of Haarlep's cock pressed into the tight ring of muscle, and the feeling was... strange, to say the least. You never used this hole in any pursuits of passion, you never thought to. It was uncomfortable, but the member still being coated in your slick made it easier to take.

The stretch as he pushed in farther burned more than it did in your cunt, and low, pained moans slipped past your lips in response, still muffled by Haarlep's hand.

You stilled your movements, unable to continue grinding with this new sensation distracting you. Your inner walls throbbed around the two cocks, and you could feel the sweat covering your skin, spurred on by the heat of the two infernal bodies surrounding you. With your eyes still on Raphael's, your chest heaved with deep, ragged breaths.

"It seems our little thief needs some aid," Raphael said, his voice more gravelly than before. He removed his hands from your waist, allowing Haarlep's hands to take his place, and you sucked in a sharp breath the second your mouth was freed.

"Sing for us, little mouse," Haarlep whispered in your ear before he forced you down by the waist, plunging the two cocks deep into you.

You shrieked at the pain, and tears gathered in the corners of your eyes. The stretch, the burning, the stinging; it was too much. But you were not granted a moment of reprieve when Haarlep effortlessly lifted you and shoved you down repeatedly.

The spittle in your system felt like a godsend now, easing the pain and turning it into a plethora of pleasure as the ridged cocks ground together with the only barrier between them being your slick inner walls. You continued to wail, it being the only sound your used, feeble body could make.

Your eyelids fluttered, struggling to stay open as your vision blurred from your tears.

But Raphael would not allow your eyes to close. He wiped the sweat-soaked strands of hair from your face before gripping your jaw with a grip that almost crumbled the bone.

"Eyes. On. Me."

The dam finally broke, and the tears leaked down your face inn warm streams as you blubbered, "I- I can't. T-too much."

He laughed coldly in your face, his broad chest bouncing with the deep chuckle. "Thieves must be punished, dear. Is this not a merciful punishment? Would you rather I skin you? Maim you, hm? Make you bleed?"

You sobbed, your body shaking. You couldn't even tell if it was cries of pleasure or cries of terror; you were too far gone as the devil and his incubus abused your frail, mortal body.

That familiar string winding tight in your lower belly once more was the hint that it was, in fact, cries of immense pleasure, the kind of body-wrecking pleasure that you could never experience with another mortal soul.

Raphael could feel you tightening around him, and the sight of his favorite little misadventurer, his dearest thief, falling apart so beautifully under his claws...

This image of you would make the most wonderful painting to adorn his grand halls.

Haarlep felt it too, and his response to it was to quicken his forceful pace of shoving you down on him and Raphael. His hold on you was so tight that his claws dug into your sides, and small beads of blood trickled down your sweaty skin, not that you even noticed in the moment.

The rapidity of being shoved on two cocks and the pressure of them digging into every soft spot inside of you had you racing towards a powerful orgasm. You could see in Raphael eye's that he was near his own end with his quick grunts and heaving chest. His hold on your jaw loosened and changed to a gentle holding of your chin, keeping your teary eyes on him throughout all of this, while his other hand sought out your clit once more. He wanted to feel you come apart.

And come apart, you did.

With one last wail, a tsunami of blindingly hot pleasure surged through you, sending every nerve into overdrive. Your walls squeezed the two cocks tightly, and every continual shove down on them resurged the bliss until your body was convulsing.

The squeeze of your cunt and sound of your cries pulled his orgasm out of Raphael, and his lips parted. In a chorus of low and sultry noises, you felt him and Haarlep come inside of you in tandem, the molten heat of infernal seed filling up both of your holes.

When they finally stilled, Haarlep released his grip on your waist, and you instantly keeled over, landing against Raphael's chest with a barely-audible whine. You were exhausted, out of breath, and slick with sweat and a faint amount of your own blood.

Raphael's breathing returned to a normal pace almost immediately, and you listened to the heavy beat of his steady heart to ground yourself back to reality. He let you lay on him for a moment and stroked your hair rather gently, unusual considering how cruel he tended to be.

Haarlep noticed this, eyeing his master with a suspicious gaze. Has the devil gone soft for a mere mortal, and a thieving one no less?

Raphael motioned to dismiss Haarlep with a wave of his hand, not even giving the incubus the dignity of a verbal dismissal.

Haarlep pulled out of you, his seed spilling out of your used hole. A whine hitched in your throat at the motion as you tried to control your breathing. He slipped off of the bed and gave Raphael one last mischievous glance before disappearing in a quick haze of sparkling flames.

Once you were alone with Raphael, his hand reached for your face, lifting your head up to meet your tired eyes. “You did very well, little mouse. You’ve proven time and time again to be far more resilient than I originally gave you credit for.”

Your arms trembled as you lifted yourself off of his chest. All of the doubt and fear you had tucked away when the pleasure rolled in came flooding back. “What’s going to happen to me?”

He smirked at your nervousness. He twirled a strand of hair around his finger while he murmured with his smooth, deep voice, "You will rest in the House of Hope tonight, little thief. And tomorrow, you will be back on the road with your merry band of misfits. I still need the Crown, and how very lucky for you that I still have your contract."

The contract. The very item you were caught stealing. You were still merely a pawn in his overarching game of chess, but he was right.

How lucky for you that your services were still needed.

#bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael x reader #raphael x tav #bg3 smut #bg3 haarlep

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c4ttheart · 4 months ago

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3 times you were embarrassed (vulnerable) near yuta and one time it didn’t feel all that bad (yuta okkotsu x gn!reader wc 2.1k)

reader is a bit clueless and emotionally constipated bc that is my fav trope w yuta, mentions of animal death reader speaks in italics incase it isn’t clear enough

« i saw a dying bird on my way to class this morning. »

yuta quirks an eyebrow, unsure of where the conversation is leading or why you’re even speaking to him in the first place.

« it reminded me of you. » you continue, as the boy next to you chokes on his drink. you scoff and wipe away the droplets that have landed on your shirt and glare at him.

his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment from the harshness of your stare, yet he does not speak up. he is way too afraid to do so.

you lean back against the stairs you are resting on, watching as maki flings her weapon into the air with precision. it seems she has started to warm up to yuta, considering how their practice sessions have become less agressive. you are the only one here who has yet to get to know him, but somehow, you cannot. your way of introducing yourself is speaking about dead animals, something that would make gojo call you emotionally constipated if he was here.

« uhm, how so ? » yuta asks, carefully, as if he’s afraid of angering you.

you sigh, making him tense up. « it was weak and useless, but nevertheless, it was trying it’s best to survive. and i realised that i was not helping, being but a simple bypasser. »

you look at him, while he holds your stare quizzically.

« i’ll try to not make your survival as harsh from now on. » is your conclusion, and your body silently fights itself to not run away from embarrassment. you think this is the kindest you have ever been to someone, and it makes you want to curl your toes and clench your teeth. yuta smiles kindly in response, with eyes so empathetic it makes your breath hitch. he looks like he understands what you’re trying to say and how hard it is for you to say it, but before he can answer, he is pulled to the side by maki, meaning his break is officially over.

he waves goodbye to you, and you watch him leave. you do not wave back, but you do not look away.

( eventually, some time later, you do let your walls down and call yuta your friend. )

it is late at night when he finds you, sitting outside like you always do.

« hey. » he mumbles, cold nibbling at his skin.

you look at him only.

yuta sits himself on the bench next to you, bringing his knees up to his chest to keep the warmth flowing in his body. you do not speak, so neither does he.

the trees rustle together from the breeze and you do not shiver even though he can see the slight chicken pox forming on the skin of your arm, the one that is not covered by your pyjama.

you have the same eyes as his mother, he realises. the one that are always empty, staring at something unattainable in the distance. the ones that are so deep they look like they could hold the ocean in them and never let go. yuta thinks you probably have never cried. or else your eyes would be a little less vast.

you sigh when you catch his stare, but it has a hint of something happier.

« i used to hate you, y’know. » you mumble, observing the way your legs swing back and forth. he nods.

he fiddles with his fingers as he opens his mouth, « why ? », he asks, so careful, like he has always been around you.

you hum in satisfaction when you hear the answer you were expecting, but you do not reply. you furrow your brows and he notices, gently placing his hand on your shoulder. (although he immediately flinches and moves away when you turn to look at him.)

emotions have never been your forte. speaking about them is worse. but then you see his face, so curious yet so scared and you remember the bird, that if you had let it die you would’ve been an accomplice in its murder. you think of how you helped it spread its wings till it was ready to break the shackle surrounding them. you remember that he is him, and yuta would never hurt you the way you hurt yourself. so you let out a small smile and intertwine your pinkies because his hand is moist and it feels a little too warm around your shoulder but you get too cold without him.

« i hate change. you represented that. »

the rest of the night was a blur. you talked back and forth without a sense of direction, about things you have now forgotten. but you remember walking back with the weight under your eyes heavier than the one on your shoulders and you heart beating but the tiniest bit faster.

« you could always choose to stay. »

you were the last person he broke the news to. like he was delaying the inevitable, as if he was afraid of what you would react.

yuta gulps, watching as you sort through a pile of paper from your classes. you do not say anything else, but you do not look at him. it seems as if, for once, the ocean wishes to feel more than just the sand.

« (name)..? » he speaks again, but you do not waver. you do not turn your neck to look at him. you keep on going like he was never here in the first place.

there are three piles in total on the floor. the main one, that you are sorting into two: one he presumes you want to keep, and the other you’re throwing away, considering how it is primarily composed of ripped off notebook pages with various doodles inked on them. but he realises that you are not sorting them anymore. you are throwing your papers into random piles, without even looking at them first. a frown tugs at his lips. it is your way of making him leave, of telling him you’re busy. but he wants to say goodbye.

so he sits on the floor besides you, and for once, he is the one doing the talking. « you know, just because you won’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. » he starts, and your hands freeze.

he intertwines your pinkies together, because you are touch starved but you don’t like to admit it.

« i’m leaving, (name), but that doesn’t mean i’m not coming back. »

« how far ? » you ask, eyes still cast downwards. he smiles bitterly. « close enough to come back every now and then. »

he’s lying, but you don’t have to know that just yet. you’re smart enough to figure out, but hopefully not right now.

« and hey, listen, i know you don’t like change, but sometimes it’s necessary. it’s a part of the world we live in. we’re constantly evolving. maybe its scary, but i can promise you that when i come back, you’ll never see a bird struggling to survive. » he says as he tightens the grip he has on your finger.

your eyebrows furrow. it seems a storm is coming in. your lips quiver. the waves are fighting to stay inside. yuta lets go of your hand and places his arms around your neck. you have never been hugged like this, especially not by him. tears run down your cheeks and you clutch his waist like the world depends on it. he does not complain.

« it’s okay. you can cry, i won’t look. » and he doesn’t. he doesn’t say a word as you dampen his shirt, he doesn’t move a muscle as you squeeze him. you have never cried in front of people, but you suppose this time won’t count because no one really saw your tears.

you hold on to him even after your eyes are dried up until you don’t. your grip loosens and he understands it’s time to go. he smiles, but you are not looking. you let him leave, but you do not watch.

« you’re gonna have to talk to us one day. » maki says, and although it does not seem like it, you know the tone in her voice is worry.

you nod your head and pick up your weapon, signalling to toge that you’re ready. maki huffs, and although she is persistent, she walks away as to not get hurt by your sparring session. that doesn’t mean she’s giving up.

a damp towel is flung over your shoulders and your hair is dripping all over your dorm floor when you get a call. something inside you swirls in your stomach in a delightful way as you accept.

« hey. » you say, putting your phone down as you brush your hair.

« hey, you alright ? maki told me you didn’t seem all that good. »

you hum. « yeah, how was your first week in africa ? any suffering birds yet ? »

he laughs a little, and the sound of his voice being distorted through the phone makes you frown.

he rambles on and on about his training, but you do not care. it feels like a weight has been placed upon your cheeks, and you cannot bring yourself to do anything but pout.

« yuta, maki was right. »

that makes him stop. he waits for you to continue, like it’s part of his routine whenever you speak.

« i don’t- it’s like. my stomach hurts. i can’t smile. »

« what !? do you need medicine ? » he replies, anguished.

« i don’t know. it doesn’t feel like that. »

a little oh is heard from his side followed by small laughs.

you scoff. « this isn’t funny. i don’t even know why i’m talking to you about this. »

« uhm, right, how do you feel right now ? »

« like you should be here to train with maki. » you answer, picking up your phone again so he could hear you better.

he hums. you furrow your brows. he isn’t helping at all. panda knocks at your door, asking for your charger. you indulge him.

as he sits on the floor near your bed, you turn to face him and press your phone on mute.

« hey panda, what does it mean if i feel like yuta should be here ? »

panda looks up at you, a small grin on his face. « it means you miss him. »

you let out an ‘oh.’ in response and thank him, grabbing your phone to talk to yuta somewhere more private.

« yuta ? »

« yes ? what happened ? you were gone for a bit. »

« i miss you. »

he chuckles, and you smile.

« i miss you too. » he answers, his grin being heard through his words.

you pick at your nails, ignoring the way your heart seems to beat faster in your chest. the same way his would beat when you’d grab his wrist.

« i’m still annoyed at you for leaving, though- » you say before your sentence is cut off abruptly by yuta.

« i miss you, like, a lot. » he rushes, and your cheeks heat up. you don’t answer to that, because you don’t really know what to say.

he sighs.

« (name), i was planning on saying this a week ago but you were crying and it just wasn’t the moment and then we just weren’t able to call but one of the reasons for that actually is because i was too nervous to speak to you and god and then maki told me you weren’t well and i was just like fuck it i really couldn’t care less about what i was feeling which made me realise that i really cherish our friendship and you’re a great person and i don’t want to lose you, you know ? »

you let out a small ‘yeah’ in response, because your words are stuck in your throat and you don’t know what else to say.

he sighs again, slowly, and you realise it sounds more like he’s taking deep breaths.

« (name), whatever happens, do you promise we’ll still be friends ? »

you bite your lip. what exactly is going to happen ? why would he do something so stupid that would risk your friendship ? nevertheless, you hum.

« god, um, i love you. »

you stop breathing for a second. the speed of your heart increases, and all of a sudden, all you can do is smile.

« since when ? » you ask. this doesn’t feel real.

he hums. « i think i always have been. since the first time you talked to me. when you spoke of that bird on the sidewalk. »

« you loved me even when i failed ? like when i cried ? »

you have always hated leaving your emotions on display for people to touch. it made you weak. why would he love someone with such flaws ?

« i mean yeah, every time you opened up you showed me a part of yourself. and i like that, knowing that i know the whole you. »

« i think- i think i love you too. »

i hatz the ending rahhh thank you to my proofreader @ownerofsix love you baba

193 notes · View notes

worldofkuro · 6 months ago

Note

Hey !

I was wondering, how your Painted Smile series would turned out in a Omegaverse? I'm so curious, Alastor is already obssesed with the reader, so imagine if he as an Alpha and the redar an Omega. And When they were children, nesting together ! Growing up with the tension between their two dyanmics >///< Please, please ?

Oh, how nostalgic !I don’t remember the last time I wrote something about Alpha & Omega content. But do you wish for death? Asking for an Alpha!Alastor..? Do tell, if you want a part2, it would be interesting to do.

Well, well, I can see Alastor’s father being an Alpha and his mother an Omega. He could see how his mother hurted from the bond his father forced upon her. He hated it. Being controlled by his instincts seems horrible. He couldn’t lie to himself, he always loved his mother purring to smooth his nerves but hearing his father's growl would always make him tense.

He wished to be a beta. From what he read, they weren’t really affected by pheromones and could live their life like they wanted. He wanted that, he envied that.

And that’s when he first met you. You were such a happy annoying girl, being the perfect girl. He would scoff at you but as you know how the story goes, he will start to care for you as his special person.

He would frown when he heard both of your mothers talk about how amazing it would be if you and Alastor turned out to be an Omega and an Alpha. He didn’t wish this upon you, you were his special person, he didn't want you to be weak to pheromones.

You always made a nest on his bed, you wanted him to be able to sleep peacefully, so you always did your best to make it fluffy and cozy. You would take a nap together, feeling at peace.

When you first gave him Eamon, his mother teased him, saying it was maybe a courting gift but Alastor just laughed. You weren’t like this, and so was he.

He turned into an Alpha around 11 years old. He couldn’t go out because of all the smell and noise he could feel. And furthermore, when you came to him because you were worried, he almost salivated because of how sweet you smell. He hated it, he was being controlled by something stronger than himself.

But you helped him, through all those new experiences, making him feel safe with you which almost made him forget he was an Alpha.

But when you turned to be an Omega, when you were maybe around 14, it was something much more unbearable for him.

First of all, you went into heat.

If you went into heat one day, in a public place, Alastor would snarl at any Alpha round and carry you, running to your house. He knew you would be safe there.

He would come see you, wanting to be the one caring for you, like you did for him. But when he entered your house, all he could smell was your divine scent that seemed to invite him into your bedroom. Thank God, your mother calmed him down and asked Alastor not to come until you were feeling okay again.

He would sneak to see you, staying in front of your window, never opening it. He was so scared of what he could do if he smelled you once more.

You would whine, asking for him to hug you but Alastor would never break, staring at you through the windows.

When you felt better, there was a whole new tension between the two of you. Both of you would get very protective of the other. Someone touched Alastor, you could put your scent on you, saying he was smelling bad and he should be grateful you were here.

Alastor would let you scent him whenever you wanted, doing the same for you. In the beginning, the two of you wouldn’t know the meaning behind the scenting. It’s when Alice told you it was something a courting pair would do to show everyone you were courting someone.

You almost exploded when you heard that news. DId everyone think you and Alastor were courting ? How embarrassing ! .. And yet, you liked that thought..

193 notes · View notes

suguwife · 5 months ago

Text

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮. (eleven)

tags: Gojo Satoru x f!reader, kpop idol x influencer, fake dating, 18+ mdni, mentions of drugs/addiction/substance abuse, overdose, angst, some fluff, profanity, hurt/comfort, smau series, written chapter

a/n: the povs in this chapter switch from sator → reader from time to time because they're on a phone call, i didn't know how else to explain what he's doing/feeling so sorry if it's a little confusing, but I tried to make it as easy to understand LOL

- 6.9k wc

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - Gojo Satoru, a top idol, finds himself at the centre of a public scandal after being photographed in a club appearing intoxicated. Rumors of substance abuse quickly circulate, causing fans and the public to question his reliability and professionalism. Due to severe backlash, his PR team proposes a fake relationship with Y/N, a social media influencer renowned for her healthy lifestyle, to salvage his tarnished image, reduce suspicions and trick the public. However, trouble intensifies when he's unable to let go of his addiction. - 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄

(previous)

“Hey, Satoru?” You say through the phone, tone laced with worry as you sit up on your bed.

All you can hear on the other end of the phone is his laboured breathing and the rustle of his bedsheets.

Hearing your voice through the phone sends a sensation of relief into his system. He tries to speak, but his voice comes out weak, so weak it’s barely even a whisper, “Yeah.”

You don’t know what’s happening, you don’t know if he’s having some sort of panic attack or if he’s overdosed, but you know how to regulate breathing. And you need to act quick. “Follow my steps, okay? I want you to sit or lay down in a comfortable position. If you can’t sit up then lay down, whichever position is more comfortable.” You keep your voice as calm but firm as possible, not wanting to worsen his situation any further.

You don’t know what’s happening to him right now, but his breathing is slow.. too slow. It’s scaring you.

He sits up for a moment, but the room starts to spin and he's overcome with a wave of nausea. Laying back down on his bed, he sprawls out on his back “Can't... sit up. Lay..in’.. dow…”

There it is. His speech is slurred, struggling to form coherent sentences. Raspy and breathless.

He’s overdosed, you can hear it through his tone and how much it breaks your heart. Silent tears stinging across the edge of your skin around your eyes as you bite your lip down in worry.

Why does it hurt you so much? You barely know this man. But fuck. Fuck it kills you to see him hurting like this.

You were raised to be so kind hearted and caring, all it’s ever done is bring you pain as you absorb it from everyone else.

The world spins around him, taunting him for his recklessly stupid actions so he closes his eyes in an attempt to block the mock of the world.

“Okay.” You keep your tone firm and clear, hiding any signs of the tears falling.

Is it embarrassing to cry and hurt for a man you barely know? A man you met a week ago?

“Now I want you to place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.”

He follows your instructions, resting one hand on his chest and the other on his stomach. He can feel his heart hammering against the palm of his hand, and his breaths come out shallow and slow. “Mh..”

He hates himself for this.

Hates himself for arguing with you before, telling you that he’s in control. But he’s not, he never is. That addicted part in his mind is in control, it wires him.

“Slowly inhale through your nose, ensuring that your abdomen rises more than your chest. just focus on your breathing and my voice okay? Follow my breathing. Inhale…”

Trying to focus on your voice and your instructions, taking in a shaky inhale through his nose, pushing his abdomen up to rise as he does so. He tries to stay focused, listening to your instructions and the sound of your breath, his thoughts slowly numbing with the sound of your voice.

Your sweet voice.

“Now let your abdomen fall back, exhale through your mouth this time, keep it slow and exhale longer than your inhalation.”

“Now again, same steps, okay? Inhale through your nose slowly and lift your abdomen..one.. two..”

He takes another slow but shuddered inhalation through his nose, feeling his abdomen rise with the movement. It's difficult to focus on maintaining a steady breathing pattern whilst his heart is racing along with a spinning vision any time his eyelids flutter open slightly, but he tries his best to follow your instructions, seeking help through your voice.

This is new for him. He's never asked for help like this.

He would never call Shoko or Geto when issues like this would happen. He’d just let himself go through the pain for a little while until he collapsed and would wake up hours later.

He wanted to feel the pain of his own actions, wanted to let his body punish itself for his stupid addiction that he can’t seem to get rid of.

Why is he seeking help through you now?

Why does he seek comfort in you?

Why is he hurting you?

But it’s your voice, oh your sweet and soothing voice. It feels like he’s on cloud nine hearing you through the speaker next to his ear. The high and the numbing combination of the drugs making your sweet soft tone sound so.. so beautiful to him. So calming.

And it’s you, you as a person. How kind-hearted of a woman you are to him. He had expected you to be repulsed by him, disgusted and angry when he’d opened up. But you weren’t.

Well, you were slightly angry. But more in a… comforting way. He doesn't know why.

Shoko gets angry at him too, but you’re different. Somehow. Maybe it’s just your beauty, or how you both clicked straight away.

You keep trying to help him, you don’t give up. You keep questioning him out of care, never giving up, and it makes you all the more beautiful to him.

Somehow, you calm the anxious racing thoughts that bite at his skull. He hadn’t realised until you left his car after the date. His mind was calm with you, no thoughts of trouble, just you.

But his body isn’t calm right now, his heart isn’t calm.

He can feel his chest rising and falling with each breath, his heart still pounding against his bones, but he tries to focus on his breathing like you tell him to and your voice providing him something to hold onto, something to ground him from his own actions of overdosing.

“Exhale through your mouth slowly, letting your body fall back.. longer and hold it.. one.. two.. three..four..”

“Now again, inhale through your nose..”

He nods, even though you can't see him, and takes another slow, unsteady inhale through his nose, his breath ragged and laboured. Despite the tremble and tightness in his chest, he manages to follow your instructions, his body beginning to feel a little calmer with each passing second.

But he’s glad you can’t see him, you would definitely be repulsed by him if you saw him in this state with your own two eyes.

He doesn't want you to be repulsed by him, but he keeps signalling you reasons to be. He keeps signalling warnings that you keep ignoring.

“And out again..”

He exhales slowly through his mouth, letting out a long, shaky breath. His heart is still hammering roughly against the bones and flesh of his chest, but he can feel some of the tightness easing up, his breath moving from slow to a little more steady.

“Is it still bad?”

The room is still spinning, his mind still fuzzy, but his breathing is more steady than before.

“Little... still dizzy.”

“Do you have any water near you? Close by?”

“Yeah..”

“Can your hand reach it without moving too much?”

His arm stretches for the glass of half-filled water on his bedside table, his hand trembling as he does so. “Yeah.”

“Okay, try to lift your head slightly and take a sip.”

He fumbles with the glass, but it shatters onto the floor, his own weak state mocking him. He doesn't have the energy to pick it up, instead just laying there, fuzzy and unstable, his eyes too exhausted to stay open.

The sound of glass hitting the floor echoes through the phone, making you flinch your head away, but you remain calm, for him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, just lay down. We’ll carry on with the breathing.”

“Mh…sorry.”

“It’s fine, inhale through your nose again, hand on chest and the other on your abdomen. And I also want you to focus on one item in the room, can you find anything?”

He wasn’t apologising for breaking the glass, he doesn’t care about the glass. He’s apologising to you, for making you deal with his mess. He doesn't want to do this to you, but he is.

He does as you say, inhaling slowly and deeply through his nose, placing one hand on his chest and the other on his abdomen. He tries to focus on his breathing, forcing himself to breathe steadily. As for focusing on an item in the room, he looks around, quickly spotting a large plant in the corner.

He stares at the plant, his eyes fixated on the wide surface of the green leaves that hang off it. The dizzying sensation still hasn't fully left, but the plant helps him to ground himself, to focus on something other than the spinning room.

“Exhale through your mouth.. lowering your abdomen..”

He lets out a slow exhale through his mouth, his body relaxing a little as he lowers his abdomen.

“Let's keep doing that, okay? Breathe with me. Inhale…”

You didn’t care how long it’d take to get his breathing regulated again, to get his mind back to normal. You were scared. You were so scared. What if he just.. stops breathing? What do you do then?

He nods, taking another deep breath in through his nose. The process is a bit easier this time, his mind a bit less foggy and his heart rate beginning to regulate back to normal just a little.

“Exhale…..”

“Inhale… one...”

“Exhale slowly... one…two..”

He exhales through his mouth, the air leaving his lungs in a slow, shaky breath. Feeling a little more steady, the dizziness gradually fades away as he focuses on his breathing and your soothing voice through the speaker.

You continue to lead him through his breaths, in and out, in and out.

In and out.

You can only think, how much more will this happen? Will it ever happen again? You’re a week into this fake relationship, and you’re already dealing with the effects of his overdose.

What else would happen? It's cracking your heart, bit by bit.

And you don’t know why. You really don’t know why you care this much.

You can tell yourself it’s love.. but it’s not. You really don’t know this man. It’s more out of care and sympathy, so why does it make you cry? Why does it make you overthink? Why do you stress over him?

Through your instructions, his rotating mind begins to clear, the world not spinning as much and the tremble of his hands beginning to subside.

“Again..” You say quietly through the phone.

The process is becoming a little easier now, his mind clearing up a more, his heart rate nearing its normal beat.

He lets out a shaky exhale, closing his eyes for a moment and just focusing on his breathing. The room is no longer spinning, his chest no longer feels tight, there’s no hammers against his head or chest, his hands are no longer trembling, mind no longer fuzzy and numb.

He feels a lot calmer now, the breathing exercises starting to have a noticeable effect on his body and mind.

All thanks to you.

“Better?”

“Yeah.. better.. a lot better.”

“That’s good.”

“Thank you.. for your help. Thanks a lot.”

“It’s okay.” It’s not. “I told you I’d still be here when you’re struggling didn’t I?” And you always would be.

He nods, a small smile on his face as he looks up to the ceiling even in his current state. In all honesty, he can't believe you still stuck around after he argued with you earlier, but he's also more grateful than ever that you did.

“Yeah... yeah you did.”

“What happened?” You ask. You have to. And all you can do is pray he doesn’t give any bullshit lies to not worry you. You want to worry. You want the truth. You want to know all his imperfections inside and out. You don’t have the right to, not right now at least, you know that.

But how can you help him if you don’t know his issues properly?

You don’t hear him. He’s quiet. Probably making up an excuse or holding back whatever it is that he did. You know he’s overdosed, you can tell, it was obvious.

You just wanted to see if he’d lie to you or not.

“Satoru?”

“I took something.”

“What did you take?” You fiddle with your fingers as you look down, sitting up on your bed, knees crisscrossed, anxious for his answer.

“Something.”

“Yes, but what?”

He doesn't respond again, the only sound coming through the phone being his now stable and soft breathing. It’s almost as if he’s sat right next to you.

He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh as he mentally prepares himself to tell you, “15 mg xanax. There, I told you.”

“What?” You quickly put him on speaker and move your phone away from your ear as you type up on your phone the dosage intake and its effects.

Fuck.

‘Highly dangerous and far exceeds the typical prescribed dose.’

His eyes squeeze shut, bracing himself for whatever you’ll say. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Just.. just xanax?”

He pauses, knowing that you won't take the next part too well. But he'd rather tell the truth than try and dodge any further questions, he'd rather tell you than try to lie about it. There's no escaping you anyway.

“You sure you want to know?”

“Yes.”

“..”

“Speak.”

“I snorted some heroin too.”

A heavy, tired exhale escapes your throat as you fall back into your mattress, fingers raking through your hair in distress and frustration, sitting in silence as you think.

This man said a couple hours ago “I’m in control.” But you know he’s not, you just wish he wouldn’t lie to himself about this.

He said, “I can handle it on my own.” But he can’t. He needed you to regulate his breathing. Needed you to prevent him from near unconsciousness, possibly even near death.

Silent, quiet tears prick your eyes again and you rub away the itchiness of them before you speak again.

“You could’ve died, you know. Your breathing was so unstable.”

His usual dry bitter laugh runs through the phone to your ear. His laugh is too bitter of a sound to even resemble true laughter. “I wasn’t going to die…”

He knows the statement is a complete lie. He'd been struggling to even sit up properly when he'd tried to call you, let alone form a coherent sentence when you answered. In all honesty, he probably would've passed out if you hadn't helped him.

“Has it happened before?”

“…Yeah.”

“And how did you manage to stay alive?”

“Luck, mostly.” He laughs as he speaks.

Why does he always laugh when talking about his issues? Why? Why does he brush it off as a joke?

“You helped yourself or did you just wake up again after passing out?”

“Both.. sorta. I don’t know. I forgot.” A sigh coming through from the other side, a shameful sigh. Shame at himself for seeking comfort through drugs.

Everything is still again, the only sound being the heavy breaths of the both of you.

“I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have texted you like that or been so frustrated at you. I said shit I didn't mean. I know you just want to help. I'm sorry for being an ass to you y/n, really.” He really does feel bad. He knows he should've never even called you in the first place when he's like this, that it's not fair on you, it’s selfish.

He sighs again, burying his face in his hands for a moment. The drugs having dulled his mind from everything else but the guilt and shame, cutting deep wounds into his flesh.

“I know. Just don't lie to me. Saying you have everything under control then ending up being a mess.” You pause, inhale, carry on. “Stop lying and contradicting yourself. Stop thinking I see you as some charity case.. That's not the truth. You worry me, Satoru, and I care about you as a friend.”

Tears are rolling down your skin now as you both stay silent on the phone, your mind heavy with a migraine, but you keep quiet, not wanting him to hear your own weak sounds.

Deep down, he knows what you're saying is true.

He can't expect you to not worry or care when you know his issues. It’s stupid of him to even question you, but he does it anyway.

Even with the drugs messing with his head, he can't disagree with you. He does make a mess of things, he does say he has everything together when he's falling apart, he does always try and pretend he's okay even when he's struggling.

But he can’t help it, it’s how he was raised.

It’s how he’s wired his brain to deal with everything.

A sniffle through the phone lays inside his ear, the realisation hitting him like a ton of bricks. You're upset, you're crying, and it's all because of him. Guilt stabs at him.

This is why he had been trying to push you away through anger.

He doesn’t know you well enough yet, but he knows he doesn’t want to hurt you. Your heart is too kind to be broken by him. He feels unworthy of your kindness, aware that no help will work because, deep down, he doesn't want it. His mind clings stubbornly to the numbing euphoria of his drugs, rendering him unable to function without them.

Your voice comes out quiet, a little croaky from the tears, “Are you just not going to answer anything I said?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You brush your hand over your eyes painfully hard, pushing down on your eye sockets to wipe the tears away.

It's quiet again.

He wants to say something, wants to apologise, to make things better somehow. but the words get stuck in his throat. He knows he has no excuse for anything he's done, and he's unsure how to make things better.

“Do I just end the phone call?”

The thought of that alone scares him. He doesn't want you to hang up. The thought of you being mad at him, the thought of you leaving because he couldn't control himself, is for some reason, unbearable. He wants you to ignore his issues, but he doesn’t. “No... no don't hang up, please.”

His mind and heart are a mess, guilt and shame battling for control in a constant push and pull.

You place your arm tiredly over your forehead as you finally speak after a moment of silence, “Can't u just try? Just try to get a little better? start by only taking less and less every few weeks?” You know he can’t, it’s hard. You know that. But what else can you say?

He's weak. Too weak to face his issues and too weak to deal with them on his own. “I don’t know how to lower it. I take different amounts when I feel like it.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. The reality is a bitter pill to swallow, and he hates that he just can't figure it out on his own, that he hasn't even tried again in so long. “I just take whatever I feel like at the moment... whatever I think will help.”

“I’ll order the sugar tablets for you in a little bit.” It should help, right? People do the same for smoking.

“I can just buy it.”

“But you’re not going to, are you? I told you yesterday about this, did you buy any?” There’s a tone of bitterness within you as you respond back, laying on your side now under your duvet.

“No..I forgot.. too focused on practice for the upcoming tour.”

“I’ll have them for next day delivery to your penthouse, what’s your address again?”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“What’s your address, I forgot.”

“… 57 _____.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“Just try it, see if it works, okay? I know going "cold turkey" doesn't work. So yeah, maybe have your usual morning dosage to ease yourself before practice and the rest of the day. then at night time when the cravings get bad, take a sugar pill instead.”

“Yeah, I’ll try it..”

Silence engulfs the call again, quiet tears still falling down as you bite down on your lip to stop any noises escaping.

“Are you.. are you crying, y/n?”

You don’t respond, stuffing the side of your face into the pillow and staining it with a couple tears. You don’t even know why you’re crying like this.

“You’re crying, aren't you?”

Of course you are, are you supposed to be happy and calm about this?

His heart feels heavy with guilt. He hates knowing that he's the reason behind your tears, and he hates himself for it even more. Hates himself for pulling you close to him.

“I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know how to fix it but I'm sorry for making you cry, please don't cry anymore, I feel terrible-“ He cuts himself off, running a hand roughly through his hair as he tries to keep his composure. Even with the drugs in his system, the weight of guilt and shame is still there.

He hates himself for making you feel this way, for being such a damn mess.

“It’s fine.”

"It's not fine. don't say that. It's my fault you're upset again. Stop being so damn passive towards me."

You scoff out in disbelief, choking out through your tears, “You’re one to fucking talk!”

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“You’re the one who acts like taking drugs is all fine because you ‘apparently’ have it under control when you don't! You’re the one who behaves so passive about it. Then today, when I told you to let me know when you choose to lower your intake, you got pissed at me. Then what? You fucking overdose hours later and struggle to breathe, having to call me!” You exhale heavily, hands itching your hair in distress.

You're too stressed for your own good, but you can't seem to help it. It's as if your body insists on worrying about him, even without a clear reason.

Maybe it's the attraction you feel, but does helping someone in their darkest moments really require justification?

You’ll be with him for nearly a year anyway, you have to care.

He’s not a bad person. He’s not. Maybe that’s why you want to help him, you want to get rid of this poison that suffocates him with addiction. Want to make him into a better person.

Is he right? Are you treating him like a project? But you don’t gain anything from this. Nothing but more pain within you.

His heart sinks with every word, the guilt and shame piling on top of him with each thing you point out. You're absolutely right, and he knows it. You’re able to see through every single facade and front he's put up, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, you always get the truth out of him somehow.

He lets out a soft sigh, the weight of everything you said settling upon his shoulders. It's so, so goddamn heavy. It almost feels suffocating, and he has no idea what to say in response to it all.

“Stop being silent. Answer me.”

“I don't have any excuses for anything I've done. you're right. And I'm so goddamn sorry for putting you through all of this.. This mess of mine.”

“I wish I knew how to help you properly.” Your voice cracks and breaks, weighing with emotion as you mumble into your pillow, silent tears staining the sheets as you do so. What if you end up researching incorrectly to help him? What if you end up being the cause of why he gets worse? You can’t help but think, will you ever truly help him with his addiction or will you only be able to fix his image?

You don’t want to do that, you don’t want to just fix his fake appearance to the public. You want to help him as a person.

“No, you've helped more than you think. You really have, and I wish you didn’t have to.”

“I have?”

“Yeah, you have, sweetheart. You’ve put up with so much of my bullshit only a week into this ‘fake relationship’ even though I’ve given you so many reasons not to.”

“I kind of did have to though. It’s a small part of the contract. And I have to because… well I just have to.”

He lets out a soft, bitter laugh. Even if you'd been obligated to by the contract, he still considers himself beyond lucky to have someone as caring and as sweet as you. Sure, he hadn't been the best person at expressing his gratitude, but he knew that even though it was technically part of your job, no one else would've done it.

“Only a small part of the contract. Still more than what was required.”

“Will you take my advice? The sugar tablet thing?”

“I’ll try it.”

“You’ll call me again when you’re struggling?”

He's quiet for a moment, thinking it over. Part of him wants to say no, that he can do it on his own. but deep down, he knows that he probably will need to reach out from time to time, hurting you in the process.

He doesn’t want to hurt you. But he does want you to be there for him.

“I will but, won’t you mind or find it annoying?”

“I don’t mind.”

“But you’re cry-“

You cut him off, speaking firmly before he can finish his sentence. “I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure you won’t mind? Even if it’s late at night?”

“I won’t mind, Satoru. Not one bit.”

Oh god, the way you say his name, the way it rolls off your tongue so perfectly makes his cock pulse, just a little. A little thump of attraction causing his body to tense up as his eyes flutter.

“You promise?” He whispers through the phone.

“I promise. Are you going to promise me that you’ll really try? Seriously promise me?”

He's quiet for a moment again, thinking it over.

He doesn't like being put on the spot, and he doesn't like making promises he's not sure he can keep. “Yes. I'm serious. I promise I'll try my best.” But he doesn't know if he’ll really keep such a promise.

“Okay……” As you trail off you quickly order 3 capsules of sugar tablets to his address, clicking buy. “Okay, the sugar tablets should come by tomorrow around 10am till 11am.”

“You really didn’t have to bother, I could've bought it myself, it's not that hard.”

“But you weren’t going to.”

He’s quiet again, knowing you’re absolutely correct.

His own stubbornness is one of the things that led him here in the first place, and he's not surprised that you're able to call him out on it so easily

“No, I probably wouldn't have. But you really didn’t have to bother.”

“Oh my god I’m going to end this call.”

“Wait! No, okay fine. Fine, thank you.” The words rush out of his mouth before he can stop them. Part of him hates being forced to accept the help, feeling like it makes him pitiful. But part of him wants your pity too, craves your care. Craves the care of a woman who he isn’t just using for hookups.

“...Do you want me to stay on the call?”

He pauses, thoughtfully weighing his response. He dislikes having to unload his troubles on you. Yet, a selfish part of him longs to keep you on the line, to savour every moment of your voice for as long as possible. “Stay on the line for a bit longer, please.”

“Okay, I’m here.” You shift in your duvet, snuggling into the warmth of your pillow and blanket as you listen to his breathing. It calms you a little. It’s as if you’re sleeping right next to him.

You don’t mind this.

He lets out a soft exhale, the sound of your voice and your soft breathing nearly making his heart skip a beat. It feels like such a normal, domestic moment, like something that a normal couple would do, and the thought both comforts him and makes him want more.

He lets out a gentle hum, the sound soft and quiet as he speaks, “Thanks for staying, I really appreciate it.”

“Mhm. Are you going to go to sleep now or later?”

“I'm probably gonna stay up a bit longer, not feeling very tired just yet. What about you?”

“Probably soon.. Oh I forgot to tell you. We have a Buzzfeed interview Thursday, Jimmy Fallon show on Friday, did your manager tell you?”

“Oh.. shit. Yeah he told me.”

“You forgot?”

“No I didn’t forget.. just hate interviews sometimes. They ask too much.”

You giggle tiredly into the phone, making him smile tiredly as he closes his eyes, melting the sound of your soft and warm laughter into his brain, scared he’ll forget it.

You both talk about a couple of easy lies to get through for the interview, that you both met each other a year ago, that Satoru made the first move etc etc.

“Hey.. can you talk to me for a little longer? Stay on the phone?”

“.. Still not tired?”

He hesitates at the question, hating having to admit it. But he decides to be honest with you, telling you the truth. "No, I can't.”

“Have you got insomnia or something?”

“Yeah.. sorry.”

“No, it's fine, don't apologise. We can stay on the line a little longer.”

“You sure? You don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow? I don’t want to be a bother when you want to sleep.”

You giggle softly through the phone again, his heart fluttering in response. “I’ll probably fall asleep whilst you talk later on, but not yet.”

He lets out a soft exhale, half laughing at the thought, "As long as I can keep talking to you, I don't mind if you fall asleep.”

“You need to sleep too.. Don’t you have any sleeping pills? You have all these drugs but nothing to help you sleep?”

“I do.. I just.. don’t want to take it right now.”

“Why not?”

“.. I like the feeling.”

Is he crazy? “Of what? Your body struggling? You like the side effects of the drugs you take?”

He's quiet at that, the realisation making him flinch. It's an uncomfortable thought. “Yeah, I guess.”

There’s silence over the phone again as you try to process his mind. Is he addicted to the struggle?

“Why do you care so damn much?”

Oh god, he’s back at it again. Defensive Satoru.

“Are you seriously asking this fucking question, again?” You're more irritated now, what doesn’t he get? Why can’t you care? It’s not a crime.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm asking that question again, because I honestly don't get it. Why do you bother helping me more than you need to?"

“I don't know!”

He lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. He doesn't get it, he doesn't understand why you go so far out of your way to help him, a stubborn idiot who can't look after himself.

“That doesn't sound like a good enough answer.”

“Then I'll end the phone call.” And you really are about to hit that big red button.

Panic seizes him as he speaks up, "Wait, no, I'm sorry. don't go, please..I'm serious, I'll stop asking, just please... please don't hang up, just stay on the line for a bit longer.” He's practically rambling now, the thought of you hanging up making his gut twist painfully and you feel bad but you can’t help but muffle your giggle into the pillow. Such a desperate man at the age of 28 begging for you to stay on the line.

“Did you just laugh?”

“You sound so funny when you beg like that.”

“I’m not begging.. just telling you to stay on the phone.”

“Mhm..” Begging.

“God, you’re insufferable.” But he's smiling again at you, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering at the sound of your voice.

“You’re one to talk.” You scoff out sarcastically with a smile.

“Yeah..” He sighs, “I guess that’s fair.”

It's silent for a moment again until he speaks up, "Uh... Are you sure I'm not keeping you up? If I'm bothering you, you can just... hang up.”

Wasn’t he just begging you not to? “We can stay on the phone.” Because some part of you still wants to, you still want to hear his voice, still want to hear his breathing, steady.

Not slow, steady.

"Yeah? You don't mind if I keep you on the phone for a bit longer?" He turns to sleep on his side, the back of his hand pressing against his cheek as he rests and smiles.

“I don't mind, you can keep talking if it eases your mind, but I might not respond properly... tired, you know?”

He lets out a soft laugh, amused at your sleepy voice over the phone. “Really? You don’t mind at all?”

He keeps seeking confirmation from you, over and over. Keeps seeking reassurance, over and over, as if he’s not sure about anything.

He really has never seeked help before from anyone, too uneased by the thought. It wrenches your heart, the thought of him never looking for support in others unless they provide it to him. The image of him pushing Shoko and Geto away like he said he did, the thought of him and Shoko arguing about his addiction.

He’s been too scared to show others his weaknesses, but he’s not with you. At least you hope he isn’t.

He’s asking you, seeking confirmation.

“Really. You like talking, don’t you? Chatterbox.”

A soft chuckle leaves his throat again as he shifts on his bed to get more comfortable. Talking to you on the phone has helped clear his mind once again. “Won’t my voice keep you up?"

“No.. I can sleep to your voice.”

“Really? My voice doesn’t annoy you?”

“Sometimes yeah, but you’re talking quietly now.” His voice sounds more calm, a slight whisper, a little deep but still with that slight raspy and confident croak. You could describe how his voice sounds for hours if you were asked.

“Yeah, yeah don't get too used to it though. I'm sure I'll start being obnoxious soon enough.”

And you laugh again, muffling it slightly into your pillow as you shift once more in your blankets.

Even when you're tired, he still finds you so goddamn endearing. “You comfy enough over there?”

“Why? You want to help me get more comf-“ You cut yourself off, realising how intimately sexual that sounds. God you’re such an idiot, it just slipped out really. But did it though?

You hear him choke on nothing but the air surrounding him, oops..?

He flushes bright red, laying on his back as he stares tiredly at his ceiling and he’s so glad you can’t see his face right now.

His mind wanders to all sorts at the implication, remembering the feeling of being inside your warm, wet walls in his car yesterday night. The sensation of your saliva on his cock, the way he fucked you deep into your throat, the sounds of your moans and whines, the scratch of your nails against his skin. Your skin was so soft near him, and he's suddenly craving for that again.

Craving for the smooth coolness of your skin as if you're his drug. It's all coming back to him just from one little joke of yours.

But it didn’t mean anything to you, you confirmed that. He just has to accept it and make himself believe it was meaningless to him too.

He clears his throat awkwardly as his body heats up at the reminder of you, "Uh, no reason. I'm just... just asking. But I mean, if you do need help or something.... I could... uhh-"

“Oh shut up. I didn't mean that... oh my god... it just came out..”

“I mean I could-“

“No.”

“Right.. yeah.”

You rub your palm over your face at annoyance with yourself, how could you say such a thing knowing how unserious and flirty he can be?

It’s quiet again, awkwardness filling the phone call until he speaks once more.

“It's just a good thing we’re on the phone and not in person.”

What does he mean by that? This idiot. “We’re not having sex again.”

He chokes again, flushing at the blunt way you say it, the way you immediately shut him down, "I wasn't suggesting it..”

You so badly wanted to laugh out loud at him playing it off, it’s too funny, he’s too obvious. “You literally did.”

He goes silent at that, caught off guard and embarrassed now. He can't deny it, and he doesn't know what to say. He tries to change the subject quickly before he digs the hole any deeper. "So uh... you... you getting tired yet?"

Nice way to change the subject, Satoru.

“My legs are killing me... like my bones hurt and my head hurts too..”

“Why does it hurt?”

You don't want to tell him about your disease. Nobody knows, not even your manager. Only Utahime knows.

It'll ruin your image of a healthy influencer. It’s awful of you, really. He tells you almost everything about his issues when you ask.. but you have to lie to him for your own sake.

“I don't know...”

“I can find a painkiller or something for you if there's a pharmacy still open.”

Why would he do that? It’s almost 12am.

You give a weary chuckle, “No it’s okay, I already took one and you’re not coming to my place just for a pill so late at night.”

“I totally would come.”

You laugh again, rolling your eyes with sarcasm, “Oh, and you going to give me a massage too?”

“I.. uh…” He stutters, and you just know his mind is going to inappropriate places again. Idiot.

“Tch, stop taking everything so weirdly!”

“Well I can’t help it. My mind just.. goes there.”

“Yeah because you’re a dog.”

“Uh, no.” He says firmly with a tone of sass, “No I’m not. I’m not some perv.”

“Yeah, sure.”

He huffs again in annoyance like a child, “I’m not! I’ve got control of my mind. I’m not some lustful idiot..”

“Yeah… sure.” You say with a chuckle, turning your head to look up at the ceiling as you laugh.

He groans by how much you keep teasing him. "I'm serious. I've got control over my own thoughts y/n.”

…

Your smile falters a little from his words, he said the same thing about his drug usage, and what happened after that? "I might go to sleep soon.” You murmur quietly, “You can keep talking though.”

"Yeah... yeah, okay.” He knows you're getting tired and should be going to sleep, but he doesn't want to let you go.

Your mind is pulsing, gnawing and scratching against your skull, your legs feel as if they weigh 10x heavier, as if an anvil is pushing them down.

You shift on your bed multiple times from uncomfort, breathing slightly heavily.

“Does it hurt that bad?” He asks softly, his voice laced with concern rather than mockery.

“They fucking kill..my legs especially” You groan into your pillow, moving around once more with a creak of the bed.

His frown deepens, worry growing within him, “I thought you said you already took a painkiller?”

“I did.. Shits not fucking working.”

A sense of helplessness overtakes him. Your discomfort and pain itches him to go to you and try to relieve you somehow the same way you do to him, even if it’s just a bit. “So why isn’t it working then, shouldn’t it make the pain go away?”

You furrow your brows, stretching your body out breathing heavily from the pain throughout your weakened body, “How the hell would I know..?”

“Right, sorry.. stupid question..” His fingers scratch against his white hair, brows knitted together with agitation for the pain you’re going through. “Is there really nothing to help? Nothing else you can take for your pains?”

“I’ve taken everything already..” you knead your palm into the temple of your forehead, cracking your toes as you curl up into a ball hoping to ease the muscle pain just a little.

He swallows, that feeling of worry increasing and the feeling of uselessness growing, “Nothing works at all?”

“Mh.” You groan with a scrunched face, shifting in your bed once more hoping to find a position that’ll help but nothing is working.

Either your period is coming soon, or your muscles are just weakened, or maybe it’s both.

He lets out a shaky exhale, feeling frustrated and worried all at the same time. He hates the fact that he’s on the phone while you’re in all this pain, hates that he can’t help you without being there for you. You’re able to help him over the phone, but he can’t do the same.

”Shall I come over?”

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sturnioloshacker · 1 year ago

Text

virgin no more - a vinnie hacker smut

a/n: requested by anon; lowercase intended

cw: softdom!vinnie, sub!reader, praise kink, pussy eating, vanilla sex, soft sex, creampie, smut. this is an nsfw short, everything written is fictional. interact or don't, i'm not your mother

summary: you lose your virginity to your best friend vinnie

i’ve been thinking about it for so long and i feel that this time, it’s right. for years now, i’ve been a virgin. sure, i’ve had my fair share of kisses and makeout sessions in my past relationships, but i’ve never had sex with my past partners. one, i wasn’t ready and two, i’m terrified of losing it to someone i don’t trust with my heart and soul. but lately, i’ve been having thoughts about losing it to my best friend vinnie. vinnie and i have been best friends since his high school days in seattle. we both moved to la when he blew up on tiktok and now we’re both living in his new recently brought apartment.

it’s not my fault though! have you seen the man?! from his chiseled jawline to his perfectly sculpted god-like body that has been carved by the angels in heaven, he’s just simply irresistible. not only that, his personality is truly one of a kind. the sweetest, most caring human being on planet earth who wears his heart on his sleeve. the only problem is, he’s my best friend and i’m scared that he may not feel the same way that i feel about him. what if I ruin my friendship with him? that would be super awkward and embarrassing. then again, he hasn’t ruined our friendship every time he brings a girl home and fucks her senseless that she basically stumbles out of the house the next morning.

after taking the time to build up some courage, i decide it’s time.

“hey, vin. can i ask you something?”

“of course, what’s up?”

“this may be super awkward and embarrassing and you don’t have to answer, but what’s it like not being a virgin?”

“woah, um. it’s great, i guess. why you asking?”

“i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m ready to lose my virginity.”

“that’s great, go for it!”

“i want to lose it to you.”

the silence in the room is so thick, you wouldn’t be able to cut it with a knife. vinnie and i sit opposite each other, our minds racing over what just transpired. great, i just ruined the most amazing friendship i could ever ask for.

“you want me to take your virginity?”

“yes. i trust you with my whole life. and i love you so much.”

“i love you so much. can i please kiss you?”

“please.”

he slowly leans in to capture my lips in one of the most passionate kisses i’ve ever had. the kiss is soft yet so hot. i feel him tug at the bottom of my shirt, wanting to take it off. i reach down to take it off my body, his eyes zoned in on my chest. his kisses move to my chest, kissing the tops of my tits before making his way down my cleavage. i unclasp my bra and remove it, letting it drop to the floor.

“they’re so pretty, oh my god. can i please touch?”

“of course, vin. they’re all yours.” i smile at him.

vinnie groans before using his big, strong hands to grope at my tits. squeezing, massaging, licking, sucking and biting, all of these combined had me weak in the knees. he’s making me feel so good right now, and we haven’t even had sex! i drop to my knees in front of him, the feeling of being so aroused is making me dizzy. my eyes are level with vinnie’s growing bulge. he looks big, is he going to fit? oh my lord, he’s not going to fit. i start pulling down his sweats, wanting to desperately see what he’s hiding. i release him from the confines of his underwear. jesus christ, he’s not fitting. there’s no way that all of THAT is going to fit inside.

“like what you see, princess?” he smirks.

“yeah i do. it’s so… big.”

“as much as i want your mouth around it, tonight’s about you.”

he grabs me by the back of my thigh, scooping me up into his arms. he gently throws me onto our bed before crawling up to me and placing a sweet kiss on my lips. he moves down my body, stopping at my panties. he looks up at me, a cute yet seductive smile plastered on his face.

“can i take these off, sweetheart? wanna see what i’m working with.”

“yes.” i breathe out, my heart racing and head spinning

he slowly removes my panties, gasping at the sight in front of him. he tosses my panties to the side before licking a stripe up my pussy with his tongue, earning a moan from me. i feel his tongue suck and lick at my clit, the feeling of pleasure rushing through my veins.

“you okay, sweetheart?”

“yes, please keep going. it feels unreal.”

vinnie continues his actions, only this time, he speeds them up. my little bundle of nerves that have never been touched by a man before are so alive and so sensitive, i can barely form any words now. i suddenly feel a tightness in my stomach. is this what i think it is?

“vinnie, i-“

“you close, baby?”

“i don’t know. my stomach hurts though.”

“you’re close to having an orgasm. want me to keep going?”

“yes! please don’t stop! i need to know what it feels like.”

vinnie sucks and licks my clit a little more before i feel a strange rush through my body. my legs shake at the intense pleasure, my stomach contorts and my pussy clenches at fresh air. my breathing is rapid but is soon calm as he slowly stops his actions.

“you did such a good job, baby. i’m so proud of you. you ready for my cock now?”

“i think so.”

“if it hurts, we’ll stop okay? i promise to go slow and make you feel good.”

“okay.”

vinnie lubes his cock up and jerks it for a bit before aligning it at my entrance. he slowly pushes in, the pain almost unbearable.

“want me to stop?”

“no, i’m okay. you can keep going.”

he pushes himself all the way in, bottoming out when he’s fully inside. we both moan at the feeling. i slightly adjust to make sure it fits and won’t destroy me. i nod my head, signalling to vinnie to move. he starts to slowly rock in and out of my pussy. the pain instantly becomes pleasure again as he fucks my walls. i wrap my legs around his waist, pushing him closer to me. he leans over, hovering over my figure before placing a kiss to my forehead.

“oh vin, you feel so good. i love you.”

“i love you more, sweetheart. god, i’m so glad you chose to lose your vigirnity to me.”

our lips connect in a passionate kiss. vinnie wraps his arms around my back, holding me close so that our chests are touching. he continues rocking into me and making me feel oh so good. i feel that strange rush coming back again, this time it’s stronger and right on the edge.

“oh vin, i’m close.”

“yeah? cum for me, pretty girl, cum on my cock for me.”

vinnie thrusts one last time and i feel all the same sensations from when he ate me out.

“oh fuck, pretty girl. you did so good, i’m gonna cum now okay?”

“please cum inside me, vincent. i need you so bad.”

vinnie moans at my words and it doesn’t take him long before he’s shooting ropes up and around my walls. i moan and whimper at the warmth inside me, watching it as it slowly leaks out. he pulls out and flops on the other side of the bed.

“that was amazing. you’re seriously the best.”

“glad you enjoyed, princess. now let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

he kisses my lips before scooping me up into his arms as we go to clean up our mess. i can now say that i’m a virgin no more and that my virginity has been taken by the one and only vinnie hacker.

#vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker smut #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie hacker fanfic #vinnie hacker x reader

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wormdebut · 11 months ago

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Nightmares

CW: nightmares, sleep paralysis, hurt/comfort

——

When Steve has nightmares, they’re loud. He wakes up thrashing, screaming and clawing to fight against veiny fuckers, and nasty demon bats. Often wakes up yelling thinking he’s still pulling hell creatures off his friends, chosen family. Dustin, Robin, Eddie.

Eddie had almost stayed down there. Steve had to carry his near-lifeless body out. But they had heard something, a whisper of a heartbeat.

It was enough.

Steve had refused to leave Eddie’s hospital room. He made sure Robin and Nancy were posted by Max’s. One of them would come back and report, let Steve know her heart was still beating. Steve had felt Eddie’s heart beat, as weak as was, and he needed to stay near him, to make sure it kept beating. He needed to make sure it kept getting stronger.

He still had his nightmares. Always does, always will. They were awful in that hospital room.

He and the girls hadn’t made it in time. No heartbeat. He and the girls hadn’t made it in time. Dustin was gone too. He and the girls hadn’t made it in time. There were too many bats, they get Robin and Nancy too.

Steve still wakes up screaming and clawing. Fighting. The nurses stopped coming in to check, eventually.

Eddie stayed asleep. Stuck in the coma. Steve stayed with Eddie. Eddie’s uncle—Wayne—doesn’t know. Can’t. Not yet.

Hopper had shown up. Like he had risen from the dead. Steve cried in his arms, in the silence of Eddie’s hospital room. The only sounds, beeping of machines and Steve’s broken sobs. Hopper saying “You did good, kid. Everyone’s safe.”

Everyone wasn’t safe. Max and Eddie were still sleeping.

Max wakes up. Eddie doesn’t. Steve still wakes up screaming and thrashing.

The doctors say it should be any day now.

The last time Steve wakes up, screaming in the stupid fucking hospital, Eddie’s awake.

Steve had basically thrown himself out of his chair, screaming at dead things that had fangs and claws, had woken up when he hit linoleum. He had shaken himself off, as he had done every time previous, flicked his eyes over to Eddies hospital bed, and was met with wide brown eyes.

“Oh my god, Eddie.”

The second time Steve cries in that stupid fucking room, draped over the end of a shitty hospital bed, Eddie and Steve keep that secret between them.

——

When Eddie has nightmares, they’re all consuming. He had told Steve once, it wasn’t the nightmares that scared him the most. It was waking up frozen in whatever room he had fallen asleep in. Locked in his own body.

Steve couldn’t process that. He can’t imagine not being able to fight. He isn’t sure he would ever wake up if he couldn’t thrash his way out of those dark spaces. He admires Eddie’s strength, his vulnerability.

Eddie had come home with Steve when they had released him from the hospital. He’d been confused, but Steve had insisted—had the extra room.

Eddie had been staying in the guest room, but that only lasted a week. He had kept coming to Steve when he woke up screaming. Comforting him. Eddie had told Steve that he had heard Steve thrashing and fighting, screaming that stupid hospital room from hell, long before he had opened his eyes.

“I figured I was still in that frozen place, the sleep paralysis, but I couldn’t open my eyes.” Eddie had told him, as he wiped at Steve’s wet cheeks. Steve had apologized, face red with embarrassment, and Eddie had told him to never apologize for feeling. It was the first night Eddie stayed with Steve.

Wayne knows now, knows his nephew is alive, breathing. He knows something happened that he can’t be fully privy to—he’d have to know basics since the shady fucking government shoves money at them like it was candy, put the Munsons in an apartment, cleared Eddie’s name. Wayne knows that those of them involved in ‘whatever it was’ cope better together. He doesn’t push Eddie to come to the apartment, he knows he at Steve’s.

Steve think Wayne knows about them—which it’s new to Steve and Eddie as it is, but Wayne definitely knows. Steve doesn’t think he disapproves though. He’s seen the soft smile Wayne’s had as he watched Steve run his hand through his nephews hair, watched them watch each other. Wayne is an observant man.

But he’s not a man of many words. He only ever tells Steve, “Thank you for saving our boy.”

——

They watch each other sleep.

When Steve falls asleep curled up in Eddie’s side, he feels strong arms tighten around him like a cocoon. Feels safe. It doesn’t stop the nightmares though. Doesn’t stop the screaming, but when he does tear himself away from certain death Eddie is right there.

“It’s okay, Stevie. It’s over, we won. It’s okay baby.” He whispers, pressing kisses into Steve’s hair. Steve cries. He’s always fucking crying now, but Eddie doesn’t care. He holds him through it, until he can breathe again.

Eddie has a habit of falling asleep on Steve’s chest. Told Steve he likes to hear his heart. It makes Steve blush like a fucking idiot, but that beside the point, he falls asleep listening to Steve’s heart and Steve falls just a little bit further in love with this man, every time.

Steve watches as Eddie sleeps. He feels it when Eddie’s limbs lock up, thinks this is part of the ‘freeze’. He listens to the whimpers Eddie lets out, feels powerless to it. Runs his fingers through hair and whispers that he’s here, he’s right here and Eddie’s safe. He does it every time, and watches as Eddie pulls himself out of the paralysis, watches as Eddie’s eyes snap open and he heaves in a deep watery breath, buries his head in Steve’s chest and cries. Steve just does holds him tighter, lets Eddie cry and lets Eddie find his steady breaths, again.

It gets a little easier. They actually start to fall asleep together, instead of letting the other rest. They still struggle through most nights, but they do it together. Kiss away each other’s tears and fears of what they went through.

When Steve has nightmares, they’re loud.

When Eddie has nightmares, they’re all consuming.

But they have each other, and they get through it, together, every time.

#steddie #worm brain #I—#i have really bad sleep paralysis and I was just thinking about how these two deal with the aftermath of #everything ™#and well…here #my words? are they returning from war?#steddie fanfic #steddie ficlet #steven harrington #eddie munson

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weneeya · 9 months ago

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HIIII!! I love your writings!!! I really like how you manage the characters and how you make the scenes<3

May I request some Headcanon/scenario of Kageyama being in love for a female s/o?

bad at feelings w/ kageyama m.list | rules

note. hiiii omg thank u sm I'm so happy to read this <3 kageyama is my baby, like all the first years ; ofc I can write smth with him!! requests are still open :)

Kageyama Tobio wasn’t really well known for his ability to speak about how he felt. Actually, it was the exact opposite. The boy was so bad with his feelings and his thoughts, because he didn’t know how to express himself correctly. Watch him play with his team and you would quickly understand that talking was his weak point.

He never really cared, until you arrived. You were friends with Yachi, one of her classmates who arrived in the middle of the school year. This is why you started to spend a lot of time with the volleyball team, soon becoming friends with all of them. You were a real ray of light, always smiley and happy, like nothing could hurt you.

You were quickly adopted by the team, as Nishinoya and Tanaka made everyone understood around the school. They were giving dark looks to any boy who could want to speak with you, scaring them by clearly threatening them. It was a bit funny, you had to admit.

Tobio knew he liked you, but he didn’t know how he really felt at the same time. He never experienced love before, because volleyball was the only thing he cared about since he was born. He knew it wasn’t the same affection as the rest of the team, but love? He wasn’t sure about it. This is why he decided to come to talk with Daichi and Suga.

They were going out after their class, and Tobio was waiting for them outside, standing up all straight in front of the door. The two seniors almost jumped because of the surprise, not expecting Kageyama to be here.

“Is everything okay? Do you have another problem with Hinata? I told you to-” Daichi couldn’t finish his sentence because Tobio quickly bent in front of him, his voice coming out louder than expected.

“Sawamura-san, Sugawara-san! I need your help!” The captain and the setter looked at each other before looking back at their cadet. Suga told him to straight back up, an embarrassed smile on his lips.

“Come here, let’s talk somewhere else,” he said, and the three boys got outside the building in a minute. Kageyama quickly started to speak about his said problem. He sighed slightly before looking at his two senpai.

It took a long time, way too long in fact. Kageyama was searching for his words, saying the same things again and again, apparently lost with himself. His mind was racing, and his heart as well. Daichi could swear that he almost saw a blush over Kageyama’s cheeks for a second. Arms crossed, the captain looked at his setter who couldn’t help but to laugh at the poor boy’s behavior.

“Slow down Kageyama, breathe,” started Daichi and the younger boy stopped talking, looking at Suga with a slight frown on his face. Why was he laughing at him? Tobio was clearly not understanding.

“Our boy is in love,” finally added the third year, and Kageyama’s mind went wild. He looked at them with wide eyes, processing what he just heard. Daichi tried to tell Suga to go easy on him, but the setter kept going.

“Feelings, romantic ones ; this is what you’re experiencing right now.” Silence. Tobio couldn’t believe it. So it was really love in the end? He never thought he would go through that one day, or at least clearly not right now.

After thanking his seniors, Tobio left them to go walk alone. He needed milk, nothing would help him more than milk right now. He was in front of the vending machine when he heard a voice next to him. It was you, obviously. He could recognize your voice in the middle of a shouting crowd.

This is how you ended up walking home together, as there was no training after school today. You had this soft smile on your lips as you were talking about a few different things. Kageyama wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at you to focus on your words. You finally looked at him, taking him out of his thoughts.

“Are you listening? You know, you can tell me if I’m annoying…” you said, and a small pout appeared on your lips. Tobio felt his cheeks burning suddenly, and he quickly looked away, his grip tightening a little around his milk. How could you be so adorable? It was too difficult to handle.

You wanted to add something, but Kageyama suddenly stopped and you did the same, turning to him. “What?” You asked, and the boy took a deep breath. He frowned slightly while looking at you, and for a moment you thought he was going to be angry at you.

“You… You’re pretty…” He finally said after a few moments of silence, and you couldn’t restrain your surprise. You slowly processed his words, and you felt your ears becoming warmer. You tried to find your words before being able to articulate a small “Thank you” to him.

Love really was a strange feeling, but Kageyama Tobio was ready to learn about it and how to handle his feelings if it meant staying by your side.

maybe I'll do a second part if you guys like it, I didn't want to make it too long hihi

#kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kageyama headcanons #kageyama hcs #haikyuu kageyama #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #hq #hq fluff #hq headcanons #hq x reader #hq hcs #hq kageyama

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babybatss-blog · 5 months ago

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EUPHORIA

Link (TOTK) x f!reader, 700 words

Summary: Your dancing at the stable drives Link to a strange realisation.

Cw: written from 3rd persons pov, therefore y/n is used lots. Implied mental health issues in reader.

A picture-perfect serenity, with smoke bellowing out the nose of a cartoonish horse shaped tent, adorned with colourful reds and blues and purples of cloth flowing throughout where Y/n and Link are tonight. This scenic location appears to be the pure definition of stillness, the only sound being the rushing water in a river and the crickets chirping in the grass.

That is until you get closer, and suddenly the true reality unveils itself.

A cacophony of sounds is heard, such as guitar, singing and laughter, displaying happiness between the party of unlikely friends. At New Serene Stable the full moon is high as the many guests gather around singing folk songs passed down through generations of Hyrule, some even Link knows from his 100 years in the past. Link sit’s next to y/n at the campfire, listening to her angelic singing in a choir with the others.

“The seas are calm and blue, so welcoming anew.

The sky a piece of pie, soft and warm tonight.

The captain soars off in his boat its as if he can fly!”

This song invokes a weak memory within Link, a vision of the past where his father sang the very song to him in his tiny bed. It was made of straw, but he slept peacefully after hearing the soothing voice. Y/n on the other hand, remembers it in a very different way. Her classmates would go to the beach and scream the song at the top of their lungs to the boats passing by, giggling and doing cartwheels on the scorching sand. She sometimes wished that she could be a sailor herself, escaping towards a new adventure across the hypnotising ocean.

“The chef cooks up a storm, its tasty in this form.

Its lettuce tastes like water and without it you’re forlorn!”

One old man claps to the beat, swaying with a wide smile. Y/n immediately joins in with the others, an enthusiastic clap coming from them. Link subtly turns towards Y/n, noticing the twinkle in her eyes due to the campfire and pure joy collectively. A thought crosses his mind on how he wishes to see them in this state a million times again, but he pushes it away due to the pit quickly forming in his stomach.

Y/n leans towards Link whispering in his ear intimately. “You don’t know the words?” She asks, seeing a nervous smile appear on his face. “I know the words. I just, don’t like to sing.” He admits. She giggles at his embarrassment, half shocked and half endeared by this confession. They are so different, but also so intertwined in each other. Suddenly, she stands up along with a couple of little kids, who hold hands around the campfire. Y/n turns over her shoulder to look at Link, a grin on her face. “Join us?” He fervently shakes his head in response, seemingly repulsed by the idea. Y/n merely laughs, beginning to spin with the kids to the words resounding in the stable.

“Oh my Hylia said to me, this is where your meant to be.

A captain, chef, and a happy team all like a family!”

Y/n soon feels dizzy, hand in hand with ecstatic children that run around like monkeys. Despite this, her laughter is resounding, a brown skirt flowing in her movements. Truthfully, no matter how happy she is she wishes that Link would join her. Her eyes lock with his momentarily as she stands opposite from him, and some strange moment of connection ensues. She sees him as the nervous child too scared to make a move, and he sees her as the woman hiding away a deep seeding pain within. But they also see a beauty, one that they would never see in themselves but should as it shows their true selves.

And Link wonders… Why is this woman so perfect? Her hair flowing, her cheeks blushed and teeth shining are the definition of unadulterated joy, something he craves forever more.

Is this… Love?

#botw link x reader #link loz #link #link x reader #totk x reader #totk link #loz totk #loz #the legend of zelda #link fanfic #tloz #totk #legend of zelda #babybatss blog

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loserlvrss · 10 months ago

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꒰ 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 ꒱ 정성찬

summary : you and sungchan have been in a situationship for some time, and the pot was finally boiling over

genre : fluff, slight angst, suggestive, sungchan x afab!reader tws : language, pet names, kiss, slightly suggestive content author notes : wrote this like 10 minutes after i woke up lmao word count : 0.8k

you were nervous. much more nervous than you ever had been—not even your exams could compare to the feeling of dread inside your chest, caving in your lungs. your hands fought each other subconsciously as you paced the front part of your apartment.

you thought of yourself as stupid, there was nothing else to describe the feeling of embarrassment, that was now mixed with guilt.

you’d seen it. your situationship making out with another girl during your shared physical education class. you’d seen it, and you watched in disbelief until he turned his head, catching your horrified gaze.

you had no right to be making faces at the two. you had no right to be upset. he wasn’t yours, and you made it clear all those months ago that he never would be.

so, why was your heart racing so much?

even the thought of him was enough to make you feel weak in the knees. the sight of him alone enough to make you crumble where you stood. he wasn’t yours, but he made you feel the same as if he was.

maybe this new feeling was too scary and that’s why you called him over. maybe you needed him to say he liked her better for you to break it off. maybe you needed something from him that you were too afraid to ask—that you never could, and frankly, never should.

you knew his reputation. hell, everyone did. he was a player. a womanizer. anything that wasn’t loving and caring… but the way he brushed stray hairs away from your face before kissing you oh-so gently. or the way his hands moved with so much caution against you. or the way he’d call you his baby, his pretty girl, contradicted all the rumors.

maybe, they just didn’t know him like you did.

but did she? did the girl he was lip-locking earlier today experience the same man you knew? did she get the sweet princess treatment, and intimate moments that shouldn’t be shared? did she get butterflies when she saw him, the ones that flew so fast it made you nauseous?

you don’t know why that made a lump clog your throat, and an anger form in the pit of your stomach.

he shouldn’t have been anything special—just another guy—but he was special… special to you. and that terrified something new in you. something you were scared to get close to, but scared to lose all together.

in the depths of the night, when he was curled up by your side, you even wondered if this was what love was. you pretended you knew everything about anything, but when it came to the feelings he instilled in you, you were just as clueless as the rest.

a knock on the door sent you away from the what ifs, and it took a lot of strength to get your feet to move to it.

you shook ever-so-slightly as you opened it, revealing the man that wasn’t yours on the other side.

your eyes couldn’t meet his, “i-i—“

he cut you off before you had the chance. “i hated it.”

“what?”

his hands rested down by his side, and you knew he was looking down at you despite you doing the opposite. “it wasn’t you. it’ll never be you. god, you really fucked me up! do you know that, y/n? do you know that i can’t stop thinking about you in situations where i shouldn’t? when i really fucking shouldn’t.”

“i-i’m sorry?”

he fully came through the door, letting it slowly swing closed behind him. his hands were on your cheeks, forcing your eyes to meet his. this was the intimacy you were talking about. and despite it being so casual to and from anyone else, from him, it felt like a confession every time.

his voice lowered a little bit to resemble a half-whisper. “do you feel the same?” but he already knew the answer. the look in your eyes when you caught him in the act was so endearing to him, engrained in his memory, it had him reading you like his favorite book; which you were. he knew all your signs, and now he knew all your tells. “because i can’t do this anymore, and i know you said we’d never take it further, but i—“

“it’s too late, sungchan.” you admitted, finishing what he was starting. “you already have me.”

his lips were on yours faster than the words left them. he had you going up on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck, making the kiss deepen. his palms rested steady against your cheeks, stroking them gently with his thumb through the synchronicity.

this kiss felt different; like something inside you had snapped, setting the waterfall of emotions free. and, this time, it didn’t feel like either of you had to hold back.

he walked you backwards, never once breaking apart from you, until you both hit the couch.

“and i’m never letting you go, okay?”

you fell back first with a huff, and he climbed on top of you, settling between your parted knees. your fingers carded through his hair as you kissed so passionately, it could’ve been considered pathetic how desperate it was in reality.

your night could’ve went one of two ways; he’d love you all the same, or he’d leave you. and, tonight—and hopefully forever—you were glad it wasn’t the latter.

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— perm tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

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captainwans · 4 months ago

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LAST TRAIN TO LONDON.

pairing: professor!alex turner x student!fem!oc

word count: 6.5k words

━━ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄. | 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑶𝑵𝑮𝑰𝑵𝑮.

summary: nina collett is many things. she’s a devoted mother, a loyal friend, a daughter, and a dedicated student. each aspect of her life has challenges and its sacrifices and she is forced to confront these, demanding her constant attention. amidst the whirlwind of responsibilities and emotions, she finds her professor becoming more involved in her life than she expected, adding another layer of turbulence to her already chaotic life. balancing the fine line between professional boundaries and personal feelings was more difficult than she anticipated, all while she was trying to keep her life from unraveling.

warning: this series contains mature scenes, sexual references, character death, vulgar language, mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, age gap (student in her twenties), an excruciating slow-burn (now i’m being dramatic, but you get the picture), other triggering topics, and all the feels (—i’m talking about sweet-teeth rotting fluff that makes you want to evaporate. or soul wrenching angst that feels like a punch in the gut). if any of themes, opinions or content upsets you or makes you uncomfortable, feel free to message me, or simply, do not read it.

𝓝ina fiddled with her lighter, soft curses emitting from her lips when it didn’t ignite. She cupped her cigarette with one hand, and the corner of her eyes crinkled as she tried to assault her lighter to catch any sparks of fire. After a few tries, a small but weak fire ignited, and she didn’t hesitate to place the cigarette close to the lighter. She placed the stick to her lips, cheeks hollowed before puffing out the smoke. She let out a content sigh, the cigarette resting between her fingers as she let her back hit the platform.

Nina stared through space, her mind working overtime as she waited for her last train home. Exhaustion engulfed her body like a blanket and she had to close her eyes for a second, her lips turning into a tired sneer as a yawn escaped from her mouth. She had spent the weekend with her closest friends and family, celebrating her best friend for who had just become a new mother. Her lips curled into a smile, the idea of Breana being a mother sent a fluttering warmness into her chest. But that warmness soon manifested into a heavy feeling, more toward herself at her role of being a mother—which she knew Breana would do a hell of a lot job better than her.

It wasn’t that she was a bad mother—-no, far from it. Her daughter means the world to her and she loves her one-year-old with every fiber of her being. Mathilda was the center of her universe. Every decision, every choice, and every sacrifice had been made for her and it would continue to be so. Yet, as she was watching Breana’s newborn cuddled in his father’s arms, a prickling pain stirred inside her chest. It was a painful reminder that she could never give Mathilda the chance to meet her father.

The tragic fate of her fiancé, Josh, along with carrying a child left a scar deeper than she imagined. Guilt and shame stirred within her, filling every crevice of her brain and shaking her to the core. She often found herself replaying the moment she learned of his death, each replay worsening her misery. It was a memory filled by the harsh words of her mother-in-law, who had called her stupid and an embarrassment. Josh had died in a car accident during a heavy storm, an accident Nina blamed on herself because she had asked him to run some errands that day. It’s your fault. He is dead because of you. Her voice echoed inside her mind, leaching her sense of self. Suddenly, the idea of being a mother with dreams and ambitions felt too far out of reach. It didn’t seem so appealing anymore. She felt hollow, overwhelmed, and scared by the thought of raising a child on her own and finishing her studies seemed like an impossible task.

In the midst of the storm, Nina refused to give up. She kept thinking of Josh and she knew he would never want this for her. Being shunned by her in-laws gave her the chance to focus on what truly mattered—her own family. She didn’t have the best relationship with her parents growing up, but when Mathilda was born, everything changed. Suddenly, there were daily calls, frequent visits, and a lot more affection than she was used to. It felt strange at first, but she slowly got used to it, realizing that she wouldn’t trade it for anything. This was her chance to heal old wounds and finally make things right.

Mathilda was her own little sunshine—a bright and joyful child who filled the house with laughter, giggles, and warmth. It was something Nina hadn’t known that she needed so much. By looking into those big, innocent eyes, she knew she was going to be okay and that Josh would always be with her, living through Mathilda. Being a mother was the hardest task in her life, but it was also the best task she could ever ask for.

“This is the last train to London. No other trains are leaving for London today.” A male announcer’s monotonic tone pulled her out of her melancholy, making her sigh before throwing her lifeless cigarette on the ground. She stomped on the stick with her heel, hands tightening her bag that was securely wrapped around her shoulder. She stood in line among many others, eyes darting around her. Her hazel eyes found a child, whose doe-eyes were boring into hers as she sat on her mother’s shoulders.

Nina felt her heart swell, the way the child’s eyes glowered from the lights above, reminding her of her sweet baby girl who was waiting for her to come home. The little girl on her mother’s shoulder brought her little hands up to wave, which she gladly did the same as her lips curved into a sweet smile. She watched a big toothy grin etch onto the baby’s face, lips emitting small giggles. The mother looked up, moving her gaze to where her daughter was looking at. The woman politely smiled toward the female, her head nodding in greeting as she gripped her child’s hands. “She’s pretty, isn’t she, bub?”

Nina’s heart fluttered, eyes softening at the little girl shyly nodding her head. She hummed, smiling at the woman. She turned her head back to her daughter, a wide smile reaching her features. “And aren’t you the cutest thing ever?” she cooed, fingers tickling her side earning a happy beam. Some turned their heads to the interaction, smiles forming their tired faces, and others who stood in line impatiently and just wanted to hop on the train.

Nina stepped onto the train, her heels loudly clanking against the hard metal ground causing a few heads to turn her way. She felt heat wash over her, blood rushing through her ears at the unwanted attention as she squeezed herself into the cramped space of passengers trying to blend in. Her lips pressed into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed with discomfort as she swarmed into the heavy mass of bodies occupying the exit area.

She bit her lip, stifling back a groan, feeling someone’s heel stepping on her toes. She clenched her jaw, her narrowed eyes darting across the packed ambiance as she looked for empty seats or even a place to stand. Much to her dismay, it was none as it was inhabited by many other frustrated passengers. She fixed the strap of her bag and clutched it tightly against her body, eyes still searching. But as she was looking her eyes locked with none other than her professor, whose eyes were hesitant, but soft as he gave her a polite smile in greeting.

Her heart leaped out of her chest, feeling a dust of crimson dancing across her cheeks. She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, returning his smile with an uncertain simper, mostly to herself as she was contemplating whether or not he was smiling at her or someone else. “Excuse me, ma’am.”

A rough voice startled her out of her state, head snapping toward a man who was standing beside her, looking rather impatient. She sheepishly apologized, realizing where she was standing, and moved to the side. She blew her cheek out with a heavy breath as her feet led her toward the other side of the train, hand gripping the metal pole tightly.

Her mind started wandering back to him, who was standing a few feet away from her. She could only see his face as his figure was covered by commuters standing in the middle of the train. She wondered what he was wearing since she was used to his formal attire—suit pants, black striped shirt, sometimes a plain white shirt and if you took a closer look you could see a small silver chain wrapped delicately around his neck. A warm feeling settled into her stomach and she cringed for feeling this way about her own professor. It wasn’t like she was in love with him like any other student was, but she couldn’t help but immerse in the idea of seeing him under different circumstances.

There wasn't that much of an age gap between them and by the looks of it, he looked fairly young compared to other professors and employees in the university. The subject of age seemed to be the most appealing amongst the students, especially for the female students who gave him heart eyes whenever he entered the lecture room. Most of his lectures included cheeky and flirty remarks from the girls in the front row, desperate to grasp his attention. Nina was quite the opposite, well—Mr. Turner was definitely appealing to her eyes, but due to her shame and bashful nature, she prefers to keep her fantasies and opinions to herself. She has for certain thought about him rearranging her insides in the classroom once or twice, but you didn’t hear that from her.

Besides her infatuation, she finds him incredibly intelligent and a good lecturer. Mr. Turner is quite the talker, which is not surprising with the way the girls are piling up his feet, but that part seems to be irrelevant to him. And she liked that about him—he’s only here to do his job, nothing more. She usually sits in the front row, but distances herself from the annoyingly loud girls who wanted nothing more than to sleep with him.

“Mr. Turner, what are your plans this weekend?” A student interrupted the professor mid-sentence, earning his attention as his eyes averted away from the projector, toward the young female who leaned closer against the table with a flirtatious smile.

The lecturer held his breath, lips pressed into a thin line as he narrowed his eyes at her. “Nothing that concerns you,” he replied with a tip-lipped smile, brushing off her flirtatious nature as he placed his hands on his hips before clearing his throat. “As I was saying….” he continued with his lecture, ignoring the hushed whispers coming from the girls in the front row.

This went back and forth and Nina fought the urge to roll her eyes at one of them as she scribbled down a few words in her notebook. She bit her lip in concentration, eyebrows creasing her forehead whilst trying to pay attention to what he was saying among the loud whispers that were filling every crevice of her brain. She tsked, face morphing into a scowl as she shared a look with her friend, who was sitting beside her just as annoyed.

Her irritation, along with the rest of the class, seemed to catch his attention, the character in her eyes mirroring his as he noticed her look of discomfort. He paused, causing the room to be quiet too. The hushed whispers and murmurs seemed to cease, everyone holding their breath in anticipation.

Mr. Turner stepped closer to his audience, eyes darting across the room as he studied the state of his students. He licked his lips before speaking, hand gripping his projector controller. “Raise your hand if you’re deeply disturbed by the people from the front seat.” he simply told his students with his hand raised, voice calm and stoic.

Nina wanted to laugh at how the girls’ expressions changed, looking behind them to see that everyone raised their hand in the air, including her as they voiced their shared complaints. She quietly snickered, covering a hand over her mouth, earning his attention. She saw a glint in his eyes before he moved his head toward his class. “If you’re here for the sake of learning, you’re seated. If there are other reasons, you may leave,” he ordered, sauntering backward.

His arm was stretched, the controller in his hand marking a red dot pointed toward the door. “The door is right behind me,” he said once again, a small smile reaching his face as he watched the spectacle in front of him. The seats were rearranged as half of the class started leaving, making some students who were seated cheer in delight, making her stifle back a grin.

She slumped back into her seat, deeply exhaling as she mumbled incoherent things under her breath. “Thank God,” she sighed, earning a response from her friend. She fixed her posture, hands running over her notes to see where she left off.

She watched Mr. Turner’s lips curve upwards, watching them leave the lecture room before moving his head back to his remaining students. She watched his eyes trailing over the front row, and she almost jumped when he locked eyes with her. He gave her a smile and she didn’t know if she was delusional, but she swore she saw him winking at her.

A harsh collision between her and another passenger brought her out of her daydream, feeling their body trapping her against the window. She let out a raspy gasp, the burning ache on her side clawing its way to her throat. She quietly hissed, face forming into a scorn as she brought a hand to her right side. “Fuck,” she murmured, rubbing the area which she knew was going to be a nasty bruise.

Nina’s ears burned with their profuse apologies, and she had to swallow back a shady remark that would probably kick her out of the train. She gritted her teeth in pain, jaw so tightly clutched that she could only nod her head, sending a sharp smile their way before moving her gaze forward. Much to her luck, her eyes found his once again—this time clouding with genuine concern.

Blood rushed through her face, feeling herself getting hot as her thoughts spiraled out of control. The thought of him watching her getting slammed into the window was enough for her to cringe internally. She looked away for a second, and looked back at him before glancing beside her, unsure eyes looking for another suitable person that he sent his concerns to. She cursed inside her mind, clenching her jaw before looking back at him with a finger pointed at herself.

Mr. Turner’s lips curved upwards, eyes tinted with amusement as he nodded his head. He watched her mouth turn into an “o”, realization forming her features as she gave him a polite yet bashful smile before nodding. He saw her quickly moving her head, eyes looking elsewhere while being squeezed between two passengers. He felt her discomfort and he wanted to reach out to her and have him close to his side, but he knew that was too far out of his reach.

The professor’s mind was a hurricane. It was violently raging, swirling, and spinning that it was hard to tell where it was all leading. He looked away, gaze moving away from her toward the hard ground with a puzzled expression. A heavy feeling tugged at his chest. It was like something or someone was sitting on his ribs, crushing till he couldn’t breathe. His eyebrows creased his forehead and he brought his hand up to his chest, clutching his shirt into a fist as if he was trying to remove the shame that was latched into his heart.

Alex knew it was wrong—very wrong. He had overstepped his boundaries, and he was fighting for his life to keep it professional. He exhaled with a heavy breath, chest heaving as he tried to shake the image of her from his mind. But it was no use; from the moment he saw her in his first lecture, he knew he was doomed. Those hazel eyes, so intently focused on him, seemed to see right through him. The way she listened so intently, with genuine interest and engagement, made him feel a magnetic pull he couldn’t resist. It was as if her presence alone made him feel seen and valued.

Nina was top of his class, exceeding in every topic psychology had to offer. Her grasp of the subject was remarkable and her passion left him sometimes dumbfounded with her captivating insights and perspectives. She definitely left a profound impression on everyone around her—including him. Although she was reserved and quiet during most of his lectures, she had other ways to stand out as the shining star of his class. She was often seated at the front, nose buried in her notebook as she was scribbling down every word that came out of his mouth. She had ‘I’m smart and intelligent’ tattooed on her forehead, and he wasn’t all surprised when some of her classmates desperately volunteered to be in the same discussion group as her. He didn’t want to be the professor who had favorite students, but she was an exception.

Nina walked forward with a stoic expression, eyes looking anywhere as she got lost in her inner world as she was on her way to her next lecture. She had her books close to her chest, arms crossed like two swords along with her tote bag tightly strapped to her shoulder. Her Chelsea boots skimmed smoothly down the marble floor, fastening their pace as she noticed the hallway slowly turning into traffic.

She grimaced, looking at the many students engulfed around the ambiance, just like her, trying to get to their class. Her stomach turned into knots, thoughts wandering over to her professor’s nagging and whining over her lateness. Her professor was a woman in her late 40s, mostly very sweet, but she was very picky and strict over time and punctuality. She could already hear her voice at the back of her head, and she was so immersed in the thought of Mrs. Williams that she didn’t notice someone walk her way.

Before her brain could register the sound of her books dropping, along with her glasses, her body collided with a hard chest. She lost balance and fell backward, her body dropping down the hard marble floor with a thud. Her lips emitted a small whimper, eyes squinting as her hands looked for her glasses amidst a busy crowd filled with students. “Shit,” she mumbled, a cloud entering her vision and she felt a burning ache on her right wrist.

“I am terribly sorry. Here let me help,” she heard a deep–yet soft voice fill inside her eardrums, causing her to look up. She scorned, blinking a few times as she looked in front of her with her blurry vision. Her hand took hold of her glasses and she put them on, seeing the world clearly.

She noticed that her book was no longer on the floor and she instinctively looked up, gazing up to see Alex’s apologetic expression while he held his hand for her to help her on her feet. Crimson danced across her cheeks, along with a furiously beating heart as she slowly took his hand.

Nina gently brushed him off, voice soft as he hoisted her up to her feet. “N-No, please. I was in my own bubble and didn’t notice you walking towards me.” she sheepishly apologized with a shy smile as she felt him squeeze her hand before letting go, and she hated that he let go.

Alex chuckled, “I guess we’re both a little out of it today, huh?” he jested as the pair moved to the side, sauntering away from the busy crowd toward the end of the stairs. Nina held onto the stair rail, eyes looking at the people passing through the big hall. She locked eyes with her friend, standing beside the vending machine, who was looking at her with a knowing look. She gave her a glare at her giving her thumbs up, feeling heat creep upon her face before she moved her attention elsewhere.

“Your hand?” His voice pulled her attention toward him, watching his frown deepen as he watched her bruised wrist from the fall. She watched him hesitate for a second, fingers rubbing together before grabbing the hold of her wrist. The warmth from her face made it ten times worse, feeling the blood rush through her ears as she listened to her beating heart.

Guilt prickled his chest, lips screwed up as he gently rubbed the bruise. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled in a faint apology, rough fingers moving in a circle pattern as if the bruise would go away. He bit his lower lip, fingers halting his gesture before he finally let go of her hand. He looked at her, a small smile reaching his face as he felt a war inside his mind. He cursed inside his head, feeling like he crossed a line between being professional and overstepping boundaries.

Nina didn’t seem to mind. She watched him, heart stuttering against her chest at his touch. Her jaw slacked, and she saw him moving his head, eyes looking at her. She realized that she hadn’t said anything and she blinked before clearing her throat, bashfully smiling. “Oh, it’s fine, really.” she brushed him off, ignoring the throbbing pain on her wrist. She let out a small chuckle. “It’s not the first time I’ve hurt myself going down this hallway. The amount of times I’ve tripped and fallen is pretty concerning.” she tried to lighten up, ceasing some of the guilt that was reaching his eyes.

Alex’s chest rumbled with a deep chuckle, lips curving upwards at her simper. He let his body lean against the stair rail, gaze averting away from her toward the busy hall. “Yeah, tell me about it. It’s like watching the Hunger Games or something. I don’t get why they’re all in a rush, though.” he said, lips pressed into a thin line.

Nina bit her lip, eyes darting across his handsome features. She looked back at the hall, shrugging with a grin, eyes tinted with playfulness. “Could be a race against who would get to your class first. You see those girls?” she said, pointing a finger at them. “Yeah, definitely in a hurry to sit in the front seat.” she joked, lips emitting a small giggle before turning her head to him.

Alex grimaced, shaking his head with a laugh. “Oh, god no.” he let out a breathy chuckle, licking his lips. His eyes sparked. “They’re definitely running to Miles’ class. Heard they dropped out of psychology and are taking music studies instead,” he told her, scoffing at the end making her mouth gape open.

“What? Really?” She expressed, eyes wide almost building out its sockets as she watched him nodding his head. His eyes danced at her reaction, sending an amused smile her way. “Mhm. Think Miles can handle it, though. He loves the attention.” he said with another chuckle, referring to his colleague and close friend.

Nina’s eyes lit up at the mention of the music professor. She remembered that he was a substitute for Alex one time and she grew very fond of him during that lecture. Miles Kane was very jovial and full of energy, which seemed to match her class, as they developed a liking to him. While he had no such expertise with Mr. Turner’s subjects, Miles sure had an interesting way of presenting given topics with his competence—being music.

She thought about Mrs. Williams’ class and she knew she was already running late, but she couldn’t seem to find the energy to care as she was glued beside her favorite professor indulging in a conversation—which was the longest conversation she’d ever had with him, ever.

“See you in class at three?” Alex asked with a gentle smile, hope tinted in his voice as he changed the subject.

He watched her face morph into a small frown as she shook her head. “Sorry. I have a dentist appointment.” He nodded in understanding, his face clouding with slight disappointment at her absence from today’s lecture, but that look quickly vanished as it rapidly appeared. This went unnoticed by the latter and he watched her eyes lit up.

“Oh, by the way. I couldn’t send the last assignment because my computer is not working at the moment, but I did print it and–uh, wait…I think I got it. I’ll give it to you. Hold on.” she bubbled, words mumbling incoherent words as she roamed her hands around her bag to look for her papers.

The professor’s deep chuckle filled her ears, causing a tremor of butterflies to swarm into her stomach. She felt his hand rest on her arm, making her look up. She hated that she was so easily susceptible to him. She felt hot under his touch. She watched him shake his head, slowly pulling his hand away making her frown. “Don’t even worry about it.”

Her heart stuttered against her chest, making her let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She pouted, “Are you sure, Mr. Turner?” she asked him, doe-eyes looking into his soft caramel orbs that she shamefully had grown to love.

He nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Don’t sweat it. and besides…You’re my A student, and I know that with this assignment it will be just as strong as the others. Your writing is…. incredibly remarking, I must say. I really admire your passion for this subject.” he gushes, lips curving upwards at her response.

Nina’s features went from a bashful expression to an appreciative look. Her lips morphed into a smile, showing her teeth as the rapid of her chest stuttered. His words kept repeating inside her head like a mantra and she covered her fingers on her mouth to hide a big grin. She bit her lip, eyes sparking. “T-Thank you, Mr. Turner.” she shyly accepted his compliment, eyes softening at the way he was looking at her with another polite simper.

The professor hummed with a tip-lipped smile, mouth closing as the pair fell into silence. Alex’s eyes danced, mirroring the way his stomach swooned with butterflies. He felt a tug at his heartstrings, chest prickling for developing such feelings for his student. As much as he tried to resist, he couldn’t help but let his eyes linger longer on her face. It traced down every feature, every line, and then back to her hazel eyes before trailing down to her lips.

“Mr. Turner?” he slightly jumped, her honey-filled voice pulling him back to reality. He blinked, noticing her looking at him with a look he couldn't quite decipher, with her head tilted to the side. Blood rushed through his face, a flustered expression forming his handsome features as he realized that he had been mindlessly staring at her without knowing. He let out a breathy chuckle, heart palpitating against his chest as his lips emitted small apologies.

She hummed with a small giggle, shaking her head at him. “It’s quite alright,” she reassured, eyes soft as she watched him let out another chuckle.

Alex sighed, loudly cursing inside his head and he looked down at his hands realizing that he was still holding her books. His eyes widened, his brain registering that she was probably headed to her class. “Right…uh–your books. I am so sorry. Here. I’ll see you next week then.” Alex stuttered, handing over her books before clearing his throat and turning on his heel. He grimaced, cursing internally while having his back to her as he fastened his pace.

Way to go, Alex. He thought.

Alex snapped out of his state, his tired eyes moving from the filthy ground toward her, again. He quickly looked away as a small curse emitted from his lips, feeling like a predator watching his prey. He ran a hand over his hair, his hand carding through his locks, his nails lightly scraping at his scalp. He closed his eyes, a long sigh escaping from his lips, and letting his back hit the wall. Stop looking at her, you fucking creep. He thought to himself, jaw clenched so hard that it would break at any second.

Should I ask her to stand beside me, or is that weird? He thought, his handsome features morphing into a grimace. He bit his lower lip, hand tightening around the grip handle as he was battling internal turmoil. But she looks uncomfortable, though. Should I do it–no, fuck. It makes you look weird—His train of thought was abruptly interrupted by an awkward cough coming from behind him. “Excuse me.”

Alex shifted his body to the side while his hand was holding the grip handle to prevent him from falling. He looked at them, eyes apologetic as he let them through. He felt heat flood over his face, realizing that he had taken up the entire space. He was so immersed in his own world that he forgot everything else around him.

A small giggle earned his attention, head whirled toward the sound coming next to him. His gaze softened, watching a little girl nestled into her mother’s arms. The child had her eyes on him, doe-eyes curiously staring at him with a happy beam. His lips curled up, bringing his hand out to wave. Her reaction was laughable, making Alex chuckle as he watched her shyly hide her face in her mother’s chest.

He moved his gaze away, eyes staring through empty space. He felt eyes on him, making him clench his jaw. He knew it was her and he felt her boring her eyes into the side of his head. It felt like he was going to have holes in his temple and he was contemplating his next actions. When he couldn’t handle it anymore, he finally looked over at her, still in the same uncomfortable position with commuters wedged between her.

Alex felt his heart skip a beat as he watched her sending him a small smile. He returned her smile, eyes growing tender. ‘Are you okay?’ he mouthed, referring to her current state. His stomach turned into knots, watching her huddled into a corner, trapped into the cramped space. He saw her nod her head, shoulders shrugging as she gave him a tired look. Fuck it, I’m doing it. he thought.

The never ending battle inside his head ceased and he didn’t know where the sudden confidence came from. The professor gestured with his head to the space next to him, indicating for her to stand. He saw her face etch into a confused look, tilting her head to the side. He gave her a look, eyes tinted with slight amusement and he gestured with his hand, pointing next to him.

Realization dawned on her face. A flustered expression formed her delicate features, lips curled up as she mirrored his simper with a shy nod. She looked beside her, noticing a passenger asleep on her shoulder. She blew out a small breath, face gracing with a scorn as she carefully moved her shoulder. She shifted her body to the side, making the person’s head hit the window. She stifled back a laugh, chewing on her bottom lip as she was trying to squeeze through the crowded space.

Nina deeply exhaled, not realizing she was holding her breath. Her eyes found him as she was walking toward him, whose face was painted with amusement at her situation. Her lips curved up, a dust of pink dancing across her cheeks as she held her bag close to her body. Her other hand was gripping on the rubber handle to keep her from falling, but the train lurched causing her to stumble on her feet. She gripped on the handle with both hands, feeling the train sped along the tracks, swaying side to side that made it difficult to walk.

“Fucking hell,” she muttered under her breath, the train’s erratic jerks nearly throwing her off her balance. She managed to carefully make her way toward him, but just as she neared her professor, she tripped over her own feet. Her lips uttered a small squeak just as he caught her in time, steadying her with a firm grip before she could fall. “Woah there—-I’ve got you.” his deep voice filled inside her eardrums, feeling his arm around her waist.

Nina felt a flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck, eyes looking anywhere but him. She let his touch soak into her skin, his warmth sending electricity through her. She turned to face him, suddenly aware of how close they were standing. She watched him smiling softly down at her, “Well, that would’ve been one way to make an entrance.” she heard him say, making her lips twitch upwards.

Nina hummed with a small chuckle, eyes sparking. “I guess I’ve got a future in stunt work if my psychology degree doesn’t pan out.” she jested, wiggling her eyebrows making her professor laugh. She joined him, but their laughter seemed to abruptly cease, noticing some people on the train giving them disapproving looks.

The pair looked back at each other, stifling back another laugh. Alex looked at the old couple glaring daggers at them, his lips curving upwards. “Someone skipped their coffee this morning.” he said in a small voice, his voice barely above a whisper, but she heard him nonetheless.

Nina nodded her head, a simper resting on her lips. "You’re right. They look like they could use a strong cup right now.” she whispered, eyes averting away from the couple toward him, her grin widening as they both dissolved in quiet laughter.

The Collett girl tried her best to stomp down the butterflies that swarmed into her stomach, the sound of his laughter sending her almost reeling. She felt a flush of rose spread across her cheeks, along with a furiously beating heart that she was so sure of him hearing. Nina was taken off guard how they effortlessly fell into a conversation, their words flowing as freely as the train moved along the tracks.

She couldn’t grasp where she got her sudden confidence from, her shyness melting away as they talked about anything and everything that came to mind. He told her about his passion for music, revealing a side of him she hadn’t expected. She shared snippets of her life, but hesitating to mention her daughter waiting for her at home. She felt it wasn’t the time nor the place to reveal such information, yet.

The conversation flowed, creating a pleasant rhythm between them. Yet, as the conversation eventually began to fade, a comfortable silence engulfed around them. They exchanged occasional glances from time to time, gentle smiles and soft looks toward each other. The train rumbled along, the clatter of tracks being the only sound that was heard over the cramped ambiance. It was quiet on the train. There were a few murmurs and hushed whispers from a few passengers, while the rest were either seated or standing with tired expressions, face blunt as a white canvas. It created a peaceful atmosphere, allowing people to retreat into their own thoughts.

Then, the silence was interrupted by a sudden jolt as the train lurched violently. Nina was caught off guard, losing her balance and before she could react she was flung forward. She collided with her professor, her body slamming into his hard chest. Her hands instinctively flew out, placing against his chest as she crashed into him, the scent of his cologne filling her senses.

Alex’s arms were around her in an instant, hand gripping her waist with a firm but gentle hold, keeping her on her toes. “I got you, love.” he grunted, the use of an endearment slipping from his lips. Time seemed to slow as she looked up, her breath hitching as their eyes met. The world outside the train seemed to fade away, leaving only the pair wrapped in each other’s presence.

Nina opened her mouth, but closed it, not knowing what to say. She was so immersed in his touch that she found herself unable to speak. Her fingers subconsciously curled against the fabric of his shirt as she looked at him. Her heart stammered against her chest, feeling blood rushing through her ears. She grew hot under his touch, his rough fingers tracing down her back was enough to make her pulse quicken.

“Arriving in Paddington station.” The female announcer said through the speaker, causing the train to come to a stop. Some passengers flew out of the train, others were racing to get a seat or even a comfortable place to stand.

A soft smile tugged at the corner of Alex’s lips, his firm yet gentle grip on her waist slowly loosening. It was as if he was reluctant to let her go. “There’s your stop,” he whispered, his hand running down her back comfortably before finally letting her go. And he hated that he had to let her go.

Nina seemed to snap back to her state, eyes blinking as she realized that she was still nestled up to his chest. A warm blushed tinged her face and she slowly left her hand, turning to her side to watch the passengers desperately trying to leave the packed train. She felt cold when his hand left her waist, along with the warmth of her face disappearing, as if someone was leaching all of the vibrancy out of her skin. A heavy feeling settled into her stomach and she exhaled before turning back to her professor.

There was something in the way he was looking at her that made her stop in her tracks. His caramel eyes seemed to hold her in place, making the back of her hair stand up. She wanted to move and exit the train, but it was like her feet were glued to the ground. Her heart was having a war with how it was violently beating, and she wondered if everyone on the train could hear how fast it was thudding. She wanted to say something, but her mind was a swirling fog, preventing her from expressing her thoughts.

Someone brushing their shoulders with hers seemed to pull her back yet again from her spiraling mind. She bit her lip, feet slowly sauntering toward a small group of people ready to leave the train. She halted with her steps and turned her body toward him again with a kind smile. “See you next week, Mr. Turner.” she sheepishly bid her goodbyes, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He watched her leave in a hurry, her body disappearing into the mass as the door closed. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. A frown was growing on his features, eyebrows creasing his forehead as he looked at the door. His own reflection was staring right back at him and he looked away, his gaze forward as his mind went haywire.

Nina Collett, who are you really? He thought to himself.

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yilingpatriarchscvnt · 1 year ago

Text

One glance, eternal mistake.

Zhongli x God!Reader

Angst with no comfort, regret, mention of death, character dying, blaming someone innocent.

"maybe it would have been better if we have never met y/n."

Summary: Y/n falling in love with the god of contract, who knew it would turn out this way.

_____________________________________________

Stars of the teyvat... Yes, the fake sky and the stars. Y/n was indeed a magical creature type of god. Y/h color with a fading midnight blue to blend in with the sky, her eyes glowing like the stars that rises of up in the middle of the night. Watching all over teyvat, reporting back to the heavenly principles.

Y/n was no strong or weak god, all she could do is control over stars and look over the world. Until she fell from sky when khaenri'ah's fall started. Watching archon's destroying the innocent khaenri'ah people turning into a monster. She can't interfere, it would be illegal to the laws of teyvat and would get punishment from the upper gods.

She wake up at the mountains of liyue, Morax's territory.

Traveling around the liyue and bumping to morax accidentally, of course from her appearance morax would know she was not a ordinary mortal.

"you are not from here are you?" A cold masculine voice sent shivers down her spine. From his gaze and his stand she knew she was not a match for him.

"I came from the stars, the sky, god of contract. I watch all over the teyvat." She tried to look at him like he looked at her, trying to scare him. Well that was a dumb mistake that lent her to embarrassment.

"I see mind exchanging names, heavenly god." Who was y/n to decline that offer. Time by time they got to know each other, they made lots of friends and had fun hanging out.

All teyvat knows a heavenly god shouldn't be falling in love with someone on teyvat. Principles knows why that stupid law was there, y/n can't put up with her feeling that called 'love'. İt made her like a person who is too drunk, can't find a way to stop her day dreaming about morax. She can't keep running away from him.

She loved him so much it was hurting. Everytime she see how he looked at guizhong with those eyes, it hurt. Everytime he hold her hand it hurt. Jealousy was filled in her head but who was she to do something bad to guizhong.

The day came and y/n was ready to confess her feelings, walking to the Qingyun Peak with a foolish smile on her face.

"I'm sorry y/n but my feelings belong to guizhong." Yes, a foolish smile on her face. Which place you look you can see her face slowly turning to a sad expression. Tear in her eyes as she lowered her head accepting the truth.

They returned back to liyue harbor in silent, not saying and words to each other like they used to. Sharing a few glances but looking away quickly trying not to disturb each others presence. Or that's what morax thought, how could she be disturbed by him being next to her. That's what she needed after all.

Only after a few days, everything fell apart. Everyone turning their backs on you, you never knew why until the guizhongs death rumors came to her ears. Quickly searching for morax only to be met by his angry face towards her.

"Why are you looking at me like that morax?" That's right she doesn't know why, why did everyone suddenly turned their back on her, why did guizhong die, why morax was looking at her like he was disgusted?

"Are you really going to act like you don't know? İs that it y/n? Were you so jealous that you had to kill her?" No...no she really didn't understand what was going on.

"What are you talking about morax, I didn't do such a thing!"

"Watching over teyvat? What an absurd thing for a god. Watching over teyvat so you could spot guizhong and kill her?" Morax scoffed at the first part of his sentence, making you tear up.

"İt's not an absurd thing! İf it weren't me this world would have been nothing but a chess piece for heavenly principles! I don't use my power to kill someone morax." She ended her sentence.

"Really? So why the liyue's people are telling that they witnessed you killing guizhong?! Maybe it would have been better if we have never met y/n." The ground started to rumble as he shouted.

"I didn't do it, I am telling you! I would have already be killed by principles if I did that to a minor god!" She shouted back.

Back and forth arguing for 20 minutes led them nothing but a prison inside the cave for y/n. She did nothing wrong, it wasn't her. No creature would look exactly like her.

Days after days, weeks after week and a month. She was stuck inside that cave that morax threw her in. The rumors started to vanish like a wind. Y/n already gave up there were no stars inside the cave and she couldn't watch over teyvat. She knew she was going to be executed. Heavenly principles already planned her execution.

The false rumor reached to everyone's ear in Liyue, it wasn't y/n who killed but her another creature sent by upper gods. God of contract, morax was devastated hearing the news. He was walking to the cave where you were in really fast almost sprinting.

Only to be met by you who was already got killed, a spear pierced through your chest as you looked at him smiling for the last time. Throwing himself on to her, catching her before she fall to the ground, Holding you.

"I lied y/n, my heart and my body only belongs to you, my feelings too. I was a coward y/n, I couldn't say it that they but I really thought it was you who killed her, I was wrong. I was wrong for the first time and I am letting you die like this." He confessed.

"İt was probably principles order morax don't blame yourself" y/n said through her coughes.

"how can I not? I shouldn't have done this in first place at all. I should have trusted you, I love you so much but I couldn't trust y/n. Don't forgive someone like me."

"Morax..." Her breathing got slower.

"No...no don't- just don't die on me like this! We still have lots to do y/n, once we get back to Liyue we can spend our times together! So...please.." his voice broke at the end begging to her stay more. She caressed his cheek wiping his tears away.

"Morax, I'm getting sleepy..." Her hand fall to the ground closing her eyes and breathing his scent in for the last time.

"I understand, please sleep well my love. Dream about being on the sky and flying around the stars again my dear..." He carried her body to a high mountain that had great views at night.

He sat next to her grave watching the stars that no longer shine as bright as before. The feeling of guilt pressing down on his heart, crying like a toddler. He looked up the sky once again as he saw a shooting star.

"you must be flying freely now, you look happy."

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #zhongli angst #angst with no comfort #reader angst #zhongli x you #regret #victim blaming

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okkalo · 2 years ago

Note

idk if this is where u request stuff but here it goes….have u seen the tik tok trend where the girl would be fixing her lipstick and then the camera points to the guy who has lipstick stains all over him and looking at the girl with all the affection in the world…

can u plssss do something like this w blue lock boyss (mainly rin, barou, bachira, and sae) with a social media influencer s/o

it’s fine if u don’t!!

have a great day!! and drink lots of water!!🩵

hello!! thank u so much for the request and the kind words!! i hope u have a good day as well and remember to take care of urself!! 🫶

characters: rin, sae, barou, bachira,and karasu (yk i had to do him)

i’m a lover

rin

- he definitely put up a fight not to be in this one

- he’s not a social media fan whatsoever

- and he hated thinking about the freak out the media would have seeing THE rin itoshi simp over someone

- he was mostly scared of the blue lock boys finding out about the tiktok and teasing him for it

- but with enough convincing you got him to do it with you

- was so flustered when you started kissing him everywhere

- he would’ve given you a hard time but then you started kissing him all over his face and he just went speechless

- actually got the look down on the first try

- you thought it would’ve taken at least 10 for him to give you a soft look but he actually nails it

- the video definitely goes viral and definitely makes it’s way to the rest of the blue lock boys.

- he figured it was worth it though because he got to have you kissing him everywhere

you thought right from the moment rin’s mouth opened that he was going to nonstop talk about how dumb this whole thing is. but, he didn’t. he was sitting patient, his hand resting on your thigh as you reapplied your lipstick again. he secretly loved this, you could tell by the way he was blushing and avoiding your eye contact every time you went in for a kiss. and though he was being amazingly quiet, you had to give him some sort of a tease. you planted a hand on his cheek, waiting till his eyes met yours. once they did you gave a soft smile while going in for the last kiss. yeah, he was definitely flustered at that point. it was probably the only reason he got the look on the first go, however.

sae

- a lot easier to convince!!

- you only had to ask him twice!! we all know his i-don’t-care-what-the-media-thinks mindset.

- he acts so nonchalant about it but is so weak for you

- pretty much the opposite of rin

- his eyes never leave your face

- you probably get embarrassed because he is staring you down so far??

- and his hands are roaming up your waist at the same time??

- yeah he’s definitely doing this on purpose btw

- the only reason he agreed so easily was to make you embarrassed while doing so

- NAILS THE LOOK

- your breath caught in your throat seeing him looking at you like that

- flusters you even more by going in for a kiss

- he’s playing with you!!

- anyways it blows up, of course, with everyone freaking out in the comments about how weak they are for sae

- the final kiss part did make its way in the video too.

“okay sae, you ready?” you ask while fixing your hair and preparing the lipstick once again. once he hummed in affirmation, you pressed the button and waited for the music to start playing. sae was eager for his part of the video, his hand gently but firmly pushing your head to look his way. he definitely heard your breath hitch, a small smirk on his face as he went forward to give you a kiss. it was so breathtakingly good too, so much passion in the way your lips moved together. that didn’t stop sae from immediately pulling away as the sound stopped. “sae!” you whined, wanting more now.

“what? is there more to the video?” he innocently asked, getting up to leave. please just pull him back down.

barou

- no bc i KNOW u struggled to get him to do this

- the amount of scoffs and “tch”s you had to hear is insane

- he gives you such a hard time but i just know he feels so proud and cool doing it

- he gave you so much shit over everything though

- literally was complaining about how the lipstick felt on his skin at first

- he stuttered at first though because he was a little embarrassed over the thought of YOUR lipstick being all over him AND for show

- plays it off cool and acts like he’s not blushing

- tries to look in love with you but miserably fails 😭

- HE DOES LOVE YOU!! he’s just really awkward with trying to force the face

- it took you guys a good ten clips for him to finally make a somewhat good face

- he got so much shit from the blue lock boys but does not care whatsoever (he blushes a bit but that’s it)

- only cares once they start asking about you

- sendou and oliver are your new biggest simps!!

he knew it was a bad idea to do that video. now his teammates won’t shut up about you. “can we meet them?” what a dumb question. of course he won’t let them meet you. what’s his is his and he certainly doesn’t share, especially with his dumb teammates. you definitely had some making up to do once he got home from the annoying practice he had to put up with.

bachira

- literally jumped around in excitement when you brought the trend up

- he LOVES being on your social media!!

- is literally your biggest fan. he runs the fan club.

- every time you place a kiss on his face he will reciprocate the kiss on yours 🥹

- he is so adorable help me

- he also struggles with the face 😔

- it’s either too happy or too serious

- he gets it faster than barou though!!

- jumps on you and gives you a big smooch once you guys finish

- probably wants to do the same thing but swapped so he’s kissing you everywhere

- absolutely shows the video to everyone

- he’s literally spamming comments about how much he loves you too

- he’s so so happy he got to be in one of your videos <3

“okay, my turn now!” he exclaims while jumping off of you to find your lipstick again.

“your turn?” you ask, confused on what he was talking about. he only looks at you like you asked a dumb question before going back to uncapping your lipstick.

“to kiss you everywhere, duh.” you had to stifle a giggle as you watched his lips turn bright red.

“you already did that when it was my turn.”

“not enough!” you knew there was no arguing with him. it not like you could when he was already kissing you everywhere…again.

karasu

- smirked so hard when you asked him

- immediately agreed with some teasing of course

- makes you kiss him on the lips every time you kiss his face

- and it’s a deep kiss every time too

- one hand is rubbing up and down your waist while the other is on your nape to give you a push towards his lips

- he has the same objective as sae.

- however he also gets embarrassed once he peeks over to the mirror and sees your kiss outline everywhere

- that doesn’t stop him from teasing you though

- HE DID THE LOOK SO WELL TOO??

- GOD HELP ME I LOVE HIM

- he does the look so well that you’re the one smirking at the end because it reminds you he is SO down bad for you

- please kiss him afterwards

- he brushes all the comments of the blue lock boys aside

- probably shares the video to his social media because he’s so proud??

you just had to kiss him after the video. i mean seeing him like that? how couldn’t you? you did have to put up a fight to separate from him afterwards though, his lips not wanting to leave yours. he huffed out a sigh once you were successful with pulling away though, eyes fleeting to the mirror once again. “i look pretty good like this,” his statement makes you giggle. maybe you could indulge him for a longer kiss this time.

unedited thanks for reading!

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