#he wasnt supposed to be so realistic

[peenballs3000]

I dunno how to take a photo of ANYTHING.. 😿

Anyway heres a sketch i did of dolph because i didn’t wanna work on my fanfiction >w<“

Smash or pass

[drifloonz]

your steven interpretation is boring and fits into the fanon characterization of steven, i wish you would be a little more unique with how you write him :(((((((

i do Not feel like this is true bc fanon steven is like nothingburger sexy guy or yandere... esque?? or things like that that make him very shallow and one note . And not super depressed and mentally ill as he would be. literally like Fanon Steven is Not my steven and my steven is also very near and dear to my heart bc hes a comfort character who i had when i was going through a lot of shit! Like Actually! I think about him a lot! And a lot of the things i do w him are lifted from canon and the ways i interpret and analyze the og story. not a lot of the fanon or fandom stuff ... Does that. a lot of it is very divorced from stevens struggles and story and the fact its a tragedy in favor of shipping or whatever else. they do not give steven realistic struggles.

also bc i havent properly written steven in ages. idk if you read my headcanons or analysis'. Read Those if so. I dont actually write shit almost ever especially now i do not write him as a character bc i like to think about him and how hed do things, i dont like to Write him.

my keyboard is broken i am tired and depressed and dont really have many ideas for things to write with him bc i exhausted a lot of them. i still think about steven daily though, im mostly focused on my self indulgent shit i write because thats all all of this was. sharing my self indulgent shit with people who are fighting for Crumbs of steven.

i think ab him more than almost anybody else seems to in this fandom other than a few people i personally know ( shout out to like 3-4ish people ) and a few others i dont personally know. There are not many people i know who have the same headcanons and a lot that did i think took it from me? which is kinda funny. i dont own steven having bpd but i think its a thing i popularized more for example afaik. i see little bits of my headcanons rippling into other peoples and its fun

Also what the fuck do you mean 'boring' what do you want the depressed adult ass man to do when hes isolated. Sorry that he is not dancing for ur entertainment? Sorry that hes not a crazed serial murderer!!! when... he.. Wouldnt be he only really killed mike and nobody takes doors open as canon ever bc its stupid. I have no idea what you mean by boring. the fuck would an 'interesting' interpretation be. i am not interested in entirely redoing his concept as a character or his story nor am i fucking rewriting strangled red or am ever interested in it bc i think its fine on its own and whenever anyone tries its usually... Not good. Even ( and especially ) when smr did it LOL ( thankfully he never got to strangled red proper ).

i dont like a lot of people that do that unless it has a reason because i think the og story is perfectly fine untouched even if some parts could be elaborated on or explained better, but i dont think you have to shove super big changes to things like 'missingno is actually a conscious entity that talks to him!!! mike DID kill her' Like this detracts from a lot of the story and things that do that at least in my opinion make it.. more boring. its fine if people like that but its not for me. you dont need to make strangled red more dramatic and explain away everything. some of the vagueness is the fun of it.

i just wanted to share headcanons and my own projections that i think would fit him to the world bc nobody really thought about steven in the way i did.

i know a lot of people really love my steven interp and think hes unique so i think you just dislike it. Which can be a thing you can do i dont give a shit. I would also probably dislike whatever yours is! Im very picky with steven interpretations! ok not really people just dont genuinely write him as a full-fledged character very often. i am not making 'content' for people. im just sharing what i want to. if that doesnt appeal to you make your own shit! You probably wont find a lot of people writing whatever you want steven to be so you should do it for yourself bc thats how i got here.

if im taking this very personally or sound like it im mostly jsut really confused. and also bc i half-am but i dont care that much. Bc like. What do you want me to do...? Im not going to suddenly rewrite the entirety of my own personal interpretation of a character ive loved for almost 2 years straight now for someone else. i barely use this blog anymore! except when i want to post analysis or headcanons. its self-indulgent! but i still sure do think about steven deeply and intimately even if it for some reason feels like i dont. i think the autistic analyzation of the og writing should paint that im like serious about it.

anyways, there was not much of a reason to send this if youre so upset i dont write steven content the way you want ( and you probably would also have a lot of ideas i wouldnt agree with. ) Then send me 50 dollars NOW! [ if it wasnt obvious this is a joke. ]

[theokusgallery]

Why did you make this AU?

Short answer: I love unethical men.

[etchedstars]

hi i just wanted to drop a ss of the comments i wrote on my notion page for captured ghosts because im about to reread and i think this fic deserves all the recognition in the world it slays so hard and you should know the absolute anxiety and simultaneous joy you caused me!!!

HI OH MY GOD ?!?!??!?!? thank you asufaudsf this is so so nice the joy THIS brought me?????????? immeasurable ty <3333

(ps theres a lot of thoughts in the tags w captured ghosts spoilers for those who may or may have not read my will byers gets haunted multichaptered fic!!)

[apollodarling-writes]

HUNTING GAMES

cws : dubcon, somnophilia, creampie, levi leaves the game, murder, code-breaking, i went over the word limit a little bit, implied manipulation and threats, dating sim! levi, levi gets a bit ummm sadistic?? at the end, college! reader, im still not happy with it but its been so long since ive updated, if i missed anything please let me know.

commissioned by anonymous.

MDNI.

there was a new otome game that had been all the rage recently. characterized by its cutesy, college-life approach, lurking beneath each syrupy-sweet word and blossoming friendship was a sinister undertone. the objective of the game was to achieve the best possible ending for the route you choose, however each love interest was desperate for your love, making said objective increasingly unattainable the further the plot progressed. you’d downloaded the game when your friend had shown you one of their favorite love interests, finding yourself hooked on the stoic culinary arts major, levi ackerman.

levi ackerman was the first route you’d ever chosen. although, in the beginning, he wasn’t too keen on raising your intimacy level. while looking at forums online, you realized that was just how he was. levi was harder to please, and by far one of the most dangerous and volatile love interests in the game. he wasn’t afraid to annihilate any other character to get what he wanted, and knew how to cover his tracks. it was hard to tell when he was on the cusp of snapping, what he liked and disliked, and where he was when he wasn’t pestering you about something trivial.

once you finally manage to get your intimacy level up to the point where his obsessive tendencies begin to show, his personality does a 180… with you at least. he’s more affectionate, gives you gifts for your daily check in — most of it being food he’s cooked just for you, and you find that he’s easier to fluster, stumbling over his words and a faint blush spreading across the apples of his cheeks. levi is still the same when he interacts with npcs, maybe a bit more on the protective and stand-off ish side when youre around. with love interests, however, levi is more hostile than ever.

you’d failed levi’s route many, many times, and had finally just achieved the good ending when you’d stumbled across something regarding a secret route of his. naturally, you wanted to see it to completion, but for some reason it just kept going. growing tired of this secret route, you chose to switch to another love interest.

this love interest in particular was very sweet, docile almost. armin seemed harmless enough, and you found that you enjoyed this route more than you had levi’s. although, after a little while, you noticed some easter eggs hidden in the back that made you feel a bit uneasy. there was a silhouette in the background of each interaction, watching everything play out, as well as a few npcs that seemed to disappear or avoid you altogether. the more you played, the more uneasy and afraid armin looked.

you noticed that armin’s eyes were often glancing around, his sentences shorter when the silhouette was more prevalent, and on a few occasions, he’d outright ignored you. once, you’d found him beaten and bloody in an alleyway outside of the boy’s dormitories, appearing half-conscious and you’d chosen the option to patch him up. after that, your intimacy levels skyrocketed and he was back to normal.

just before the two of you exchanged a kiss during one of the date events, the screen glitched and suddenly armin laid in a pool of his own blood. armin’s face became pixelated, which was unusual for this game since it was known for its graphics. was this part of the game? your heart skipped a beat, gooseflesh rising on your arms as levi entered the place armin was just moments before.

levi’s appearance glitched in places, the blood spatter on his face seeming to drip and become more realistic. that… wasnt supposed to happen. did the game have a bug? you think you see levi’s brow twitch, his lips tugging into a frown, but you cant be sure.

“[name]… why did you leave me?” levi is uncharacteristically upset with you, his face scrunched with what seems to be a mixture of frustration and hurt. “i thought you loved me.”

you knit your brows, trying to exit the route; to your horror, youre unable to leave. levi grows increasingly upset the more you click the button, “why are you on his route? can’t you see that youre mine? we’re made for each other!” he shouts, his voicelines glitching in places.

“why can’t i leave the damn route?” you grit out, one hand gripping the hem of your shirt. “what the fuck is going on?”

levi’s face falls, a far away look in his eyes as you are finally able to exit armin’s route. you groan, leaning back in your chair as you thread a hand through your hair. “is this part of levi’s secret route?” you wonder aloud.

after that, you didn’t touch the game for days. you searched forum after forum, site after site, searching for answers. why did levi suddenly appear on armin’s route? surely, it was part of levi’s secret route… right? your gut told you otherwise, but a game character being sentient? that was something that only happened in fanfiction, and certainly not to you.

a week had come and gone before you even thought about touching the game. you were busy with work, college, and still hadn’t found the answers you were looking for. maybe you’d be able to find them in-game… but what if levi kills another love interest? what if they don’t come back when the game resets? what if —

shakily exhaling through your mouth, you release the tension in your shoulders, cracking your fingers as you hover over the next love interest’s route. she was a very bubbly love interest, her smile bright and contagious enough to have one of your own tugging at the corners of your lips as you right-click on hange’s route.

the two of you interacted quite well, your natural dialogue choices furthering your intimacy level. hange was known to be a relatively easy route — not much reading between the lines, or even guesswork. she was very upfront for the most part. you found yourself forgetting about your secret investigation, genuinely losing yourself to the interactions between yourself and hange.

you only started getting suspicious again once you noticed the silhouette in the background once more. hange seemed to notice too, but she was more composed than armin had been. you squint as the silhouette flickers, your pulse thrumming in your throat as you quickly stutter out, “levi, leave hange alone or i’ll never play your route again.”

the silhouette rushes to the screen, stumbling over its words and blubbering about how it just loves you so much and can’t live without you! the anonymity fades, leaving levi in its place, and you realize that levi was more dangerous than you’d initially thought. hange is quick to take her leave once she notices the look in levi’s eyes, and you attempt to as well. levi’s anger flares up once more at the sight of your cursor clicking the exit game button.

“[first name] [last name], stop trying to leave me. why don’t you want me anymore? you can’t make me love you and then leave. you’re so cruel.” levi’s digits grip his collar, tugging it away from his throat as if he couldn’t breathe. “i-i learned things about you, for you — i tried my best to be the man you wanted, so why are you choosing other people?! am i not enough?!”

a chill shoots down your spine, cold washing over your body as your stomach tightens. you tuck your fingers into your palm, beginning to feel as if you were glued to your seat. how did he know your last name? you don’t remember putting that information in at all… maybe it was from your email? maybe the developers had a third-party thing going on?

levi becomes more frantic the more he speaks, pleading and begging for you to love him again. “i was your first route! you put the most effort into me! you can’t just leave!!” you have a creeping feeling that he’s looking at you — unlike most games, levi seems to lack a blank stare, and instead seems entirely focused on you.

“there’s no way he’s sentient.” you mumble to yourself, pressing a quivering hand to the damp skin of your forehead. “i’m just…. im just tired and stressed. yeah… i should just go to bed.”

you stumble out of your chair, body on autopilot and mind reeling as you put your monitor in sleep mode and push your chair under your desk, trudging over to your bed in disbelief. you tuck yourself in, and just before you’re able to fall asleep, you hear levi speak.

“you look so cute when you’re sleeping…” you hear his shaky breaths — the utter glee in his tone, as if he were more than content just to watch you. dread and unease fill your stomach as you realize you can’t ignore this anymore.

you shoot up in your bed, chest heaving and eyes blown wide as your gaze snaps to your monitor. could he see you? could he hear you? were you going crazy?

you slowly make your way over to your monitor and pull up your game, levi dreamily staring back at you as if you’d hung the stars in the sky. “are… you sentient?��� your voice wavers as you ask this, fingertips digging into the hard plastic of your desk.

levi stills, his idle animation unusually stiff. for a moment you wonder if you should check yourself into the nearest hospital, but then, “you finally noticed… oh, baby, that makes me so happy— i’ve been trying to get your attention for so long!”

it’s your turn to still, your body going rigid and exhaling shakily. oh, you were royally fucked. if he was sentient, could he leave the game? god, you hope not.

“i’ve been watching you for so long! i even learned about your parents and your siblings for you! i know your address, the names of your friends; i know your all favorites, i know that you have a dog named rufus, i know that you like to listen to music while you clean —“

levi drones on and on, going over everything he’s learned about you during the time he’s been watching you. your breathing grows heavy and erratic; sinking into a primal state of fight or flight, you hurriedly try to uninstall the game from your computer, but it seems levi had already anticipated this. the screen glitches, flashing white as levi appears in different places — duplicates, different routes, pictures of you, npcs that went missing, hastily written notes all dedicated to you.

deciding that deleting the game wouldn’t work, you opt to unplug your computer. the screen stills for a moment, going completely black before a variety of coding begins to type out on the screen.

“leave me alone!” you shout, your voice cracking as you rip your monitors and pc off of your desk, throwing them across your room. they bounce off your dresser, knocking a few trinkets and such off, sending them clattering to the ground. you notice the coding slows for a moment, eyeing the shattered hardware scattered across your bedroom floor. “you’re just a game!! i don’t actually love you!”

“you’re wrong!!” levi’s voice is distorted and distant — glitching out in some places, or manifesting as a multitude of voices, some higher, some lower in pitch. “you love me — you do! i know you do!”

you panic, the cortisol and adrenaline running through your veins clouding your sense of judgment as you rush to your kitchen and grab a trash bag, picking up a baseball bat from a closet on your way back to your room. you hastily throw your setup in the bag and grip the bat, swinging the metal bat back and smashing the contents of the bag until you feel safe and can’t hear the whirring of the code any longer. you stumble back onto the edge of your bed, staring at the bag as you strain your ears for any signs of levi. heaving a sigh, you wipe the sweat from your brow and gather all the miscellaneous pieces of your setup that were strewn across your floor, placing them in the bag.

you feel disconnected from your body as you bring the bag outside, opening your garbage can and tossing them in. a drop on your face shocks you out of your stupor, but you realize that it was only a drop of rain. your fingers tremble still, your breathing still erratic as you try to calm your racing heart. how was any of this even possible?

you slowly trudge back inside your home, entering your room and collapsing on your bed. this must be a bad dream. it has to be; there’s no way that this could happen. you lie awake for awhile, your mind spinning round and round again. thoughts come and go, never staying for too long, and you forget them immediately after they depart. the events of the night had worn you out, your eyes growing impossibly heavy, drifting off into a deep slumber.

outside, the monitor screen flickers to life. code rapidly pans down the screen, sparks flying as a hand slowly peels out. carefully, levi drags himself out of the game and into…. wait, why is he in a trash can? surely, his beloved wouldn’t…? with haste, levi tracks his way inside your home, brows furrowed with quiet rage. how could you just throw him away like that?

levi takes his sweet time cleaning up, lathering himself in your products and sniffing your towel before drying himself with it. he runs his fingers along the countertops, walls, and doorframes, trudging along to your room as he admires your home. it isn’t long before he finds you sleeping soundly atop your bed sheets. levi’s breath instantly catches in his throat, his heart racing in his chest as he approaches your slumbering form. you were even prettier in person.

carefully crawling onto your bed, the pads of his fingers tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, trailing down to your shoulders. his eyes wander to your exposed flesh before flickering back up to your lips. one kiss couldn’t hurt, right? carefully leaning down, levi molds his lips to yours; his heart nearly stops the moment he tastes you. one kiss isn’t enough. he needs more! levi unbuckles his belt and ties your hands to the headboard, then drags his hand along your chest, swallowing thickly as he feels his pants tighten.

levi quietly positions himself between your thighs, burying his head in your neck as he leisurely grinds his cock into you. biting his lip to muffle his whimpers, he lifts your shirt, baring your breasts to his greedy eyes. levi immediately latches onto one, his tongue swirling around the erect flesh as he works your pajama pants to the side.

“need to taste you, baby.” he murmurs. levi kneels between your thighs, his tongue slowly lapping at the arousal that had begun to leak from you. he takes but a moment to shimmy his pants down far enough to fist his cock, slowly pumping it with his free hand. the man softly groans into your folds, a sleepy whine parting your lips in response.

as he continues lapping at you, levi feels his stomach tighten and stops all movement. he waits for the feeling to subside, then aligns himself with your entrance. he shallowly thrusts into your cunt, slowly working his way inside and bottoming out with a broken whimper. levi’s mind spins at the way your walls grip him — the feeling almost as if he were made to fuck you, as if you were made to take him. his fingers grip your hips as he attempts to control himself, pressing both of your legs further out for easier access.

it isn’t long before levi loses himself in the feeling; it is his first time after all. his hips snap into yours, whimpering and whining through gritted teeth all the while, and you slowly begin to wake. levi’s eyes roll back as the feeling in his tummy snaps, not once stopping as he pumps you full of his cum.

you let out a confused moan, your eyes slowly adjusting to see levi’s fucked out face gazing down at you. “f—feels so good…” he whispers, slotting his lips to yours. you attempt to shimmy away, but it was to no avail; the asshole had tied you up. you attempt to fight him off, but it’s to no avail as he’s stronger than you and has shackled you to your bed.

waves of unwanted pleasure course through your body, forcing soft whimpers and whines from your lips as levi unknowingly rocks his hips into the places that have your eyes rolling back. gazing down at you with something akin to reverence, levi presses the pad of his thumb to your clit, slowly circling his name and bringing you closer to your climax.

“cmon, baby.” levi groans, feeling your walls tighten around his cock. “cum f’me.”

you simply shake your head in response, screwing your eyes shut and murmuring through a whimper, “go fuck yourself.”

levi only chuckles at your words, seemingly amused, and lifts your hips; the man slings an arm around your lower back, one hand gripping the meat on your hip, and forces you to meet his thrusts.

nothing seemed real at the moment. you were unable to stop levi from leaving the game, and now the man was taking advantage of you. you suppose the only good thing in this situation is that despite it all, levi was going to make you cum.

your back arches as your fingers dig into your palms, your cunt pulsing and fluttering as your eyes roll into the back of your head. a high-pitched whine erupts from your throat, levi smirking victoriously at the sight beneath him, and you relinquish control; melting into his hold, you wordlessly beg for more.

you didn’t know what would come after this, nor did you know how you were going to fight your way out of it. the only thing you knew is that this felt good. somewhere deep in your mind, you knew you didn’t want this, but had decided to relish in the feeling of being desired for the time being.

[mossdoesartshit]

extermination day extermination always irritated vaggie. She had developed a major dislike of it upon being dropped into hell for showing mercy, which shouldve kept her in heaven than get her booted out, but she had found the love of her life here, so she couldnt complain. After the battle during the old hotels time, the exterminations had become far more erratic. sometimes theyd be only a month or so away, sometimes over a year. she had no doubts it was entirely because of lute, which she wasnt too fond of, but what could vaggie realistically do, her old sister in arms had always been a bit of a nutcase. besides, she had bigger fish to worry about right now. she and charlie were doing a headcount of people who had been in the hotel that day, (alastor, husk, nifty, the usual people, along with some hopefully quests to be) and there was one person distinctly missing "do i have to go get him?" vaggie asked, exasparated "come on please? he should be somewhere on the upper floors, i saw him walking up before the bell rang loud, besides you always have your weapon on you!" charlie begged, earning agreed mumblings of the others "If Safety Is Your Concern, Trust Me Vaggie, I Will Be Able To Handle Any Possible Nuisances While You're Getting Mister Bleeding Heart Back" alastor piped up, with that sickeningly sweet grin of his. She rolled her eyes, and groaned out a soft "fiine" as she moved to go up the hotel. Thank Fucking Lucifer that he had installed an elevator into the hotel, because boy howdy if vaggie had had to walk up the flight of stairs just to get Adam she would not have even considered it. Eventually, she found him on the roof, watching the carnage. "come on Adam, i know youre probably so fucking hard about all the destruction and shit, but you wont be safe from them killing you" Adam didnt turn to look at vaggie, instead closing his wings around himself as best he could, and "I can still recognize them you know" "huh?" with one wing, adam pointed down to two exterminators "that right there is lyre, ruthless as ever, but she has that methodical work flow, kind of like a dance. i think they partnered her with a newbie, which is good- well. bad, but. good from a combat standpoint- because she'll get good pointers at the end" vaggie looked down at the next group of exterminators that adam pointed to "over there is janatha, still fumbling with her stabs and pierces as ever. shes in a bigger squad, but they always worked well together, even if theyre a bit chaotic" an explosion blew up relatively near them, and adam looked over to it with sluggish movements "must be lute... say vags-" "vaggie." "-vaggie, do you remember flute?" "huh? you mean lutes sister?" "mmhm, lutes always been pretty ruthless, but that can leave her open at the back, flute would have covered her but. i think she was killed a few exterminations ago, the one that weapons dealer got. i think theyve tried to pair her with others but i always see her alone" vaggie stood there stunned "i. didnt think you were telling the truth when you said you recognized me. i thought you'd been bluffing or that lute had told you, given..." "well, thats the view souls have of me i suppose. liar down to a t. but i do recognize all of them. i just regret that my blind rage cost the lives of several of them and... lutes arm" another explosion closer to them alerted vaggie to grab adams shoulder "come on, charlies going to get worried if you keep me standing here, cant have you getting killed now that shes done so much work on you" "whatever you say vaggie" adam said, solemnly looking behind to where theyd spotted lute, before walking with vaggie to the elevator to get to the more bunkered area

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

Is “willingly unloved” canon to the roomates au?

yes, unless it is excplicitly stated all comics/ drawings under the hashtag r canon!

it was also a bit of a character study of ethan, i wanted to draw what i think he would act like after going through something as traumatizing as re8 and re7. a lot of the times ethan getting horribly hurt (arms/legs cut off) is either passed off as a joke of "haha he lost another arm" or passed off as him being a idiot being stupid. i wanted to explore how those things would affect him and how all his past relationships did as well. both mia and chris, two people he cared for and trusted broke his trust, mia on two different occasions. (pls dont turn this into a anti mia post lol, its just straight canon im just acknowledging what she literally did. what she did affects the people in her life, and this post is about ethan. it doesnt nesscarily matter what her intentions were since the execution was still horrible so pls dont get upset at me)

in re7 he suffers the consequences of someones lie, and it repeats in re8. i feel like he would be far more reserved after re8. he cant trust anyone and he now lives with the knowledge that he and his daughter r bioweapons and there organizations out there to get him. in this AU chris is helping by trying to return ethan to a normal life but after re8 ethan would not trust chris imo. not in a way where he thinks chris will turn him into the BSAA or whatever but more like hes worried that chris is possibly hiding something important or planning something he doesnt know.

he would have major trust issues and probably would have huge difficulty with opening himself up to another connection, especially since leon is friends with chris. ethan would probably be wary due to association.

after re8 he is left with nothing. his wife lied to him again, and the man who was suppose to protect him did a horrible job at it LOL. he has rosemary and thats it. and at any moment someone could take her for being a bioweapon. he would live a life of paranoia and stress trying to give rosemary and normal life while trying to keep her safe at the same time. i feel like getting divorced with mia would be the best option for ethan. as much as they loved each other it wasnt healthy. mia wanted to forget and move on while ethan knew nothing and wanted to understand more. its unfortunate i know. in re8 ethan has a book about weapons and says, "its not paranoia if theyre really out to get you."

its honestly so tragic 😭

in a more realistic way to canon, ethan was doomed to die in that village. a life after it all, after surviving re8 would be horrible. the BSAA is corrupt so hes stuck with chris trying to hide and live a normal life. theres no where for him to go.

BUUTTTTTT... in a cutesy AU where leon and ethan r roomates he gets to heal so yayy. ethan would definetly be very hesitant to open up to leon and would probably not trust him for a long time

for now its just him and rose

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 3

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Summary: Blue surprises Joel by rebuffing everyone advances in favor of him.

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

AN: FIRST DAY OF PRIDE EVENT!!!

A note on langauge. This is a 90's au, different langauge was used than we know know, words we find offensive now. While no one uses slurs theres langauge used that may not be comfortable. Just remember in the 90s there wasnt such a unified community all over, especially in the south. Blue isn't going to talk the same as say, a new york queer today. I want to remain as most "time period realistic" as i can.

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Tommy woke up hungover, just as Tess, Talia, Max and you probably were. 

Joel only had one, but he was up early packing things for Sarah. Jessica didn’t have much as far as clothes and other stuff for a 5 year old, so Joel wanted to make sure she was prepared. It was supposed to rain and she definitely didn’t have rain boots or coat, not enough kids stuff to entertain Sarah inside all weekend. He made sure to pack her barbies, etch-a-scetch, and a few cassette tapes. Sarah wasn’t even up yet when Kayla knocked. 

“Hey Kayla.” Joel tried to be nice and welcomed her into the home they used to share together. 

She smiled at him, said hi to him and Tommy. She must’ve calmed down after last night, as she usually does after a spiral. “Sarah up?”

Joel shook his head, getting a few granola bars Sarah could eat for breakfast. “Naw, I let her stay up a little later with Jessica, you can wake her if you’d like, or you can hang out.” He nodded to the coffee pot. “All yours.”

“Does she know I’m coming?”

“No, she was fast asleep when I got home.”

Kayla grinned. “Great, she’ll love the surprise.” and dashed upstairs.

“She’ll love the surprise.”  Joel muttered to Tommy, not looking away from his task. “But she’d love regular visits she could count on more.” 

Tommy patted his back. “You’re a good man, Joel. I don’t think I’d put up with all that you did.”

But Joel just shook just head. “It’s for Sarah.”

“Most things are.” He looked up from his coffee. “Hey! I’m meeting everyone for brunch, Sex and the City style. Since Sarah’s gonna leave, why don’t you come with us?” Tommy teased Joel with a nudge. “Blue’s gonna be there.”

Joel harshly shushed Tommy, wide-eyed. He looked down the hall to check for Kayla, but heard Sarah squealing mommy up in her room. “C’mon, man, you know how she gets.”

Tommy laughed, “I know, I know!”

But he didn’t really know. Tommy didn’t know about the screaming, the threats to hurt herself, the way she smacked his chest and arms… it wasn’t hard, he was a big guy. He could handle it. It wasn’t abusive, no. He could stop her if he wanted to because he was so much stronger. It was his fault he let it happen so he can’t really complain, can he?

Kayla reappeared with Sarah. “Daddy look! Mommy’s here!”

“I see baby!” Joel feigned enthusiasm. “Mommy’s gonna take you for the weekend, gonna stay the night, isn’t that exciting?”

Sarah was beyond excited. 

Setting her down, Kayla told Sarah to go put on her shoes. To her credit, she’d gotten her dressed already. She spoke to Joel quietly. “Hey, Joel, could I borrow some cash maybe? My um… my tank is almost empty, you know how prices are right now. Fucking Clinton, right?” She chuckled nervously.

Joel wanted to sigh. He saw Tommy looking at him from over his coffee mug. But… he didn’t. Instead, he opened his wallet. And grabbed a $20. “You got food there?”

She shrugged. “Enough.” Joel grabbed another bill and handed the $40 to her. “Thanks, Joel.” She turned to Sarah who had walked up with her shoes on the wrong feet. “You ready, baby?”

Joel said goodbye, hugging and kissing tight. “Be good for mama, okay princess?”

Next, Sarah ran to her uncle, who whispered loudly. ”Be bad, okay squirt?” Joel glared at him, making him carry out the bags for Sarah’s things to the car. 

*

He spent way too long trying to find a nice shirt. In the end, he settled on a green shirt. And his only pair of jeans without holes.

When Joel saw you ride up on a motorcycle, he knew it was all over for him. The way you lit up when your eyes connected with his… fuckign hell. He remembered your eyes when you were on your knees, his cock stretching your mouth… fuck he needed to sit down before he got a hard on.

“Joel!” You run up to hug him, taking him by surprise but he hugs you anyway. Joel likes the way you are very clear about what you want. Joel didn’t have to guess or walk on eggshells. He could want you and know you wanted him too. You took his hand to the table that Talia and Tess are at, not letting go when you both slide into the both.

Everything was going great. Tommy ordered unlimited mimosas, and Joel took one single look at the prices and ordered 2 eggs and toast. And you… Joel learned more and more about you, eating up every bite.

You were a school teacher, elementary english. You loved grunge, the color blue, and horror movies, Halloween being a favorite. Right now, you were horrifying him with a scene from Candyman.

“And then he opens his shirt,” You mimic the actions minus the undress. “And his chest is just like, a cavern of bees! And he kisses her with his mouth full of bees!!”

“Bees?” Joel grimaces, and you laugh, asking if it was too much. Joel loves laughs along; with you, when you laughed, it didn’t feel like it was at him. “Well,” He chuckles. “Maybe a little graphic for brunch.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You continue with a smirk. “Should we maybe talk about sex, like Sex and the City? Maybe you’d like to fill us in on your latest sexcapades, Miller?”

Joel coughs, choking on his coffee and you pat his back as memories of last night once again popped in.

“I’m-” Cough cough. “I think I’m good there.”

Tommy spoke up, “WELL, since you asked-” Joel told him to shut up, not to talk to a lady like that.

“You let me talk like that around Tess!”

Tess leaned over, her tone teasing. “Joel doesn’t think of me as a lady.”

This led to Joel scrambling to defend himself, which he does, actually! Joel left out the part that if he didn’t see her as a lady he wouldn’t have slept with her all those years ago. Tess is different. Tess is family.

The conversation went on, and Joel noticed how closely you sat next to him while eating your food, your jeans pressed up against his. 

“Frank finally scheduled his knee surgery.” Tess mumbles with a mouth full of waffles. “After harvest, so plenty of time to rest.”

“Why not during harvest?” Talia asks. “You said he doesn’t do farm work.”

Tess stumbled on her words a moment, glancing at Joel before mumbling something about Bill needing to take care of him, even though it was pretty minor.

Joel cut her off. “She's tryna let me save face because I can’t afford a babysitter. Frank has watched Sarah every harvest and planting season since she was born, except the first plant.”

Not meaning to pry but unknowingly waltzing into sensitive territory, you ask why not the first. Joel swallows hard but Tommy answers.

“Because his bitch of an ex was still around.”

“Tommy!” Joel chastises, but Tommy looks bewildered.

“What?! She is, and you know it. She’s-”

But Joel cuts him off. “What she is is none of your business and not the point. I told you we don’t talk like that about women.”

Putting down his silverware, Tommy stared Joel down. Joel knew how Tommy felt about Kayla. “Joel, she was nuts, she turned you into someone I didn’t recognize and she left my niece alone to get f-”

“Enough!” Joel was louder than he meant to be, noticing people around them turning. Heat crept up his neck in embarrassment and shame. He didn’t like snapping at Tommy, but he especially didn’t like raising his voice in front of you. Joel wondered if he scared you, if he lost your trust and ruined everything- He felt your hand on his knee, and when he turned to look at you, he didn’t see fear, just gentle compassion. He spoke quieter now. “I understand how you feel… but that is the mother of my child, and I ask you treat her with respect.”

Tommy opened his mouth to say more, but Tess whispered to knock it off. There was silence for a while as Tommy stewed, eating his giant plate of food, stewing. Tommy’s anger problems were nothing new to Joel, but this stressed reaction Joel was having to it was. Why did his chest feel so tight?

You noticed, because of course you did, and took his hand. “Wanna step outside?” You whispered, but Joel shook his head.

“”M Alright, thanks.”

From across the booth, Tess, Talia and Tommy all talked while you and him sat on your own side. As you chatted, it felt like you were in your own world. You had a tendency to help him forget everything else. 

“I think it’s so neat y’all know an older gay couple, ya know?”

He didn’t. “Howdya mean?”

You took a bite of toast. “Well, you don’t see that much. We’re just now starting to get to a point people can really come out. Then the AIDS crisis took so many…” You shake your head. “I just think when I was a gay teen, how much it would have meant to me to see a future that wasn’t about hate crimes and death, you know?”

Oh. Gay? Were you a lesbian? No, no had blown him, quite enthusiastically… Maybe you were just trying something new? Was that offensive to think? Goddammit, Joel, what is wrong with you? “Oh, are you…” He trailed off.

You laugh a little. Joel hadn’t realized the three others had gone silent, watching what was happening unfold. “Gay? Well, I guess not anymore.”

Joel was confused. “Did it… go away?” He’d been told some people grew out of it, like a phase, or that some people went to therapy to change…

You laugh again, but slightly nervous. “No… I just mean, like, I transitioned so… now I’m a woman, so it’s not gay to be attracted to men…”

Joel blinked. Transitioned? What did that mean… 

You turn to Tommy. “I thought you’d told him?”

“Told me what?”

Tommy shook his head. “Hey I may be stupid, but I know not to out someone.”

Tess confirmed she hadn’t said anything and Talia looked intensely uncomfortable, asking you if you wanted to go.

“Joel… you do know I used to be a man, right?”

A flash of warmth covered his skin, eyes burning and chest tighter. He had, of course, heard of people like that… but he didn’t know the first thing about it. Did that mean you were a guy doing dress up? Was this drag? Or transvestite, is that the term? Most of all, he was confused, because he liked you. Was he gay?

“Joel?” Your voice breaking him out of his spiral. It was small, meek. Unlike anything he’d heard from you before. “Can we talk outside?”

*

You stood a few feet away from him, wringing your hands. He hated how you were shaking.

“Can you just…” He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I'm gonna be real honest Blue, I don’t really know what you’re talk’n about. Can you just… Tell me? Is this like a transexual thing?”

Despite the tension, you give a small laugh. “I guess people used to call it that. Or transvestite. I don’t really know if there's a difference… I think people call a lot of thing under the same umbrella, like cross dressing…”

“Is that…” He swallows. “That's what you’re do’n? You a man that likes women’s clothes?”

You shake your head vigorously. “No, no that’s not it… at least to me, I guess. Some people say that’s all I am but… I don’t think so.”

“”Please.” Joel begs, a slight huff of a laugh. “I’m just an old farmer, I ain’t never left this town, no college, no life experience. I practically raise Tommy and when he was finally grown, I had my daughter so I just…” He sighs, heavily. He’s very confused, but he doesn’t want you to think he’s disgusted or hateful. “Please just explain it so I can understand.”

You nod, looking a little hopeful. “I was born a boy, but I never felt like one. My whole life, it just felt… wrong. I can’t really explain it, but it's just this… this knowledge inside myself that my body was wrong, a gut feeling…”

A slight breeze rustled his shirt, blowing your hair around and drawing his eyes to the blue.

“So… you’re a woman?”

Once again, you nod, crossing your arms over your chest. Joel didn’t know if that was from nerves or the fall beginning to settle in. “I am. Yeah.” You take a deep breath, and exhale in a ramble of words as your eyes plead to him. “Joel I’m really sorry! I thought, I thought you knew! I met Tommy a few times with Talia and it came up so I just assumed he told you! I know you probably don’t wanna be with me but I swear, I wasn’t trying to trick you!” Your voice cracks at the end.

Concerned, Joel frowned. He didn’t know why you were shaking. He stepped forward, wanting to hold you. “Hey now, darl’n, don’t cry” But he froze when you scrambled backwards, fear in your eyes. “Whoa there… I ain’t gonna hurtcha…”

You didn’t look like you believed him, eyeing his movements. “You won’t?”

“No, oh my god no. Why would I do that? Wait, that’s stupid, I know how people are but… I ain’t like that, I promise.”

Shoulders relaxing, you appear to be calming down. “Some men… well, they get really violent if they find out the person they… they did anything with was a man…”

“That aint me, I swear it, Blue.” He shuffles his feet. “I can’t say I really understand all this but… I ain’t like that.”

He could sense your dejection from where he stood. “I understand. I won’t bug you. Again, I’m really-” You turn to leave.

His eyes went wide. “Hey, hey, hey wait-” Joel grabs your hand, but not tight. You could pull away if you want to.  “Do you… do you still wanna be with me?”

You giggle softly, still looking sad. “Of course I do… Joel, I barely know you but… of course I do. But you don’t wanna be with me.”

“I didn’t say that, Blue…”

You look at him curiously. “Joel, you just found out what being trans was 2 minutes ago, are you sure you wanna be with a trans woman?”

Joel let go of your hand to rub the back of his neck, smiling. “I’ll be honest, I don’t really know if I’m ready to date at all. I got my kid,” He thumbs back to the restaurant, chuckling. “I got Tommy. It’s a lot right now. And honestly? I don’t know if this makes me gay or not but… I’d like to try to be with you… if you’re cool taking it slow.”

Looking directly at him, you smile. “I would absolutely be okay taking it slow. And, listen.” Reaching you, you take both of his hands in yours. “Would it help if we just got together and I let you just… ask whatever you wanted? Like, having a little learning session.”

“Yeah.” Breathed out a laugh. “Yeah that would be great, asking.”

*

It was 3 am when Tommy came stumbling home. Normally, Joel wouldn’t notice but he heard a loud crash, running downstairs with a gun to find the coffee table nocked over and Tommy trying to bake pizza bagels. After some back and forth shouting at him, it clicked.

“Jesus, Tommy, are you on coke?” He gawked in disbelief. 

Tommy just laughed. “You said I couldn’t use when Sarah was around!”

“That’s not an excuse to to hard drugs the second she’s out the door! You’ve been gone since 6, what if she came home early?”

Tommy waved Joel away, putting pizza bagels in a cold oven. “She’d be fine.”

His blase attitude was pissing Joel off even more. “I don’t want you high around my daughter!”

Standing up and apparently thinking the oven was on, Tommy glared at Joel. “Relax, Joel. She ain’t here!”

Joel fisted his hand into Tommy’s shirt, voice bellowing in the kitchen. “I don’t give a shit Tommy! Don’t you ever come into my home coked up again, you understand?!” He le go and shoved Tommy away.

Half an hour later, Joel came downstairs to find Tommy crashed out on the couch. Joel took off his shoes, pulled a blanket over him and placed water by his side. He cleaned up the messed up coffee table, turned off the oven that was now on and burned bagels and locked the door again.

*

Blue’s POV

You were nervous, to say the least. Sure, you liked to play it cool but really, Joel scared you half to death. He was so fucking… perfect. Tess had thought you’d like him. She told you so much of his personality, you’d assumed he was ugly: hardworking, good father, responsible, loving, kind, protective… When you saw him you were dumbstruck. How is a man that good of a person and that fucking hot?

You’d just wished Tess had told him you were trans, since  she was trying to set you up. Still, you understood she didn’t want to out you. Not a lot of people here knew, and you needed to keep it that way. As far as the parents and faculty at your school knew, you had been born with two tits and a vagina… okay maybe not tits but you passed a just flat chested. If anyone found out, technically they could still fire you. 

Still, Joel was kind and had taken the information in stride. You didn’t think it was going to work out between you… you’d figured Joel wouldn’t but up for dating you, especially if he wanted more kids... But you suppose today would tell.

Joel looks genuinely happy to see you. “Hey, come on in.”

You’re impressed to find the house is still clean. There’s things on counters and a little mud on the floor but you like it looks lived in. Still, he obviously takes care of his house.

“I really hate to do this,” He starts and your stomach drops. “Sarah’s mom called, wanting to bring her back early, like in a few hours.”

You understood. Bringing everyone over on Friday was one thing, but bringing a women over (that wasn’t Tess) around Sarah might confuse her, and he wanted to be careful. “I totally understand.”

“You eat yet?”

You watch, smiling as Joel cooks you breakfast. “Where’s Tommy.”

Joel grunted, a slight tonal change. “Upstairs sleeping off a binge. He’s a dumbass.”

Ah, so the tension hasn’t subsided.

After eating, you and Joel sit down on the couch.

He looks as nervous as you are. “Just… stop me if I saw anything offensive.”

You shake your head. “Nothings off the table today, you can ask whatever, I just wanna be straight forward. In fact, I’m gonna go ahead and answer the question I know you have. No, I don’t have a dick.”

Joel coughed, choking a bit. “I wasn’t going to ask that!” He begins to laugh, and so do you.

“Yeah, because you’re polite, so I just said it. I got bottom surgery a few years ago.”

“What’s that?”

“They turn my dick into a vagina.”

He nods. “I’ll be honest, that is a positive.” His eyes go wide in that way you noticed he does when he thinks he’s said something wrong. “Not that- well I wouldn’t- I could… umm..”

You reassure him. “I understand, Joel. You’d have been working with whole knew equipment. I promise, this is probably what you’re used to working with. Maybe if you get lucky, one of these days you’ll get to go for a test run.” He turns bright pink, but smiles. “Your turn, go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “Does this make me gay? I ain’t got nothing against be’n gay, I mean, Tess is my best friend and I work for two of ‘em” the phrasing there almost made you laugh. He was so clunky sometimes, but he was trying. “It’s just, I didn’t think I was.”

You shake your head. “No. I mean, some people think that but, no. I don’t think I’m a man. Do you think of me as a man?”

“Not one bit.” He was earnest. 

“Then you’re not gay, Miller.”

For the next hour, he asked a lot of questions. Some were more in depth, like what transitioning looked like, or what you felt like as a child.You told him you were on E and he had lots of questions about that. You explained you hadn’t gotten top surgery, and his eyes only flicked to your chest once. Respectful cowboy. He asked if you wanted “uuhhh, you know…” breasts, and you said you honestly didn’t feel the desire for it. You liked yourself as you were right now. Some were a bit fun, like how you chose your new name or if you stopped growing facial hair.

What you loved about him was he came from a place of genuine curiosity. He wasn’t judging you, he was trying to learn. You check the clock.

“I think Sarah will be coming soon. Did you have any other questions?”

Joel thinks for a bit. You imagine he probably had a lot about between your legs, but he was too polite to ask and honestly, details of surgeries, although you were comfortable, were a lot for someone you just met, even if it felt like you knew him already. 

“I don’t think so. This has been nice, actually, so… thank you.”

He walks you to the door and as you bend over to put your shoes on, you look up at him. “I’m gonna give you some time to sit on that information… if you wanna go on a date, I’d love to. If not-”

“What about friday?” He hurries out, hands in his pockets. “If I can find a sitter, I mean.”

You stand up straight, unable to stop the beaming. You feel giddy. “I’d love to. We can even go later in the evening, like after dinner so you can spend time with Sarah.”

His face falters just a bit. “I um… I should be honest. I usually don’t have this much free time. I can’t really afford a regular sitter and Kayla isn’t really around with Sarah much… so I guess I don’t really know how well this will work…”

You kiss his patchy beard cheek. “Let’s just take it one day at a time then, okay?”

Joel smiled at that. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

PRIDE EVENT TIME!!!!

love yall

i know thi doesnt get much notes but somewhere out there is a trans woman seeing this... is going to feel so fucking seen and thats what matters to me.

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[diablademon]

I finally watched 'Baron Omatsuri and the secret island' movie.

I didnt want to watch it at first because I thought the artstyle was too wierd. But I learned that this movie was the creepiest of the one piece movies so I gave it a chance.

Nami gettin mad at Usopp was the most realistic of the argument.

Nami getting mad at Usopp for leaving her alone was normal for her, shes hot headed and rely on others to keep her safe. Usopp didnt even take it to heart that she yelled at him. But him saying betrayal was her thing and she slapping him and couldnt forgive him was understable. Nami can lie, trick and steal. But she doesnt betray her love ones. And betrayal is a sour spot for her.

Zoros and Sanjis anger isnt what I didnt really get thou.

Zoro and Sanji arguing isnt new and I didnt really see anything that stuck out between them for them to act that way. Especially not the part where Sanji Yelled at Nami when they couldnt find Usopp and Chopper. Sanji takes all kind of abuse from Nami, he have never been mad at her for ignoring him or her talking to another guy before. At most he get mad at the guy that Nami is talking to.

Zoro and Sanji are protective over Chopper and Usopp at times so them freaking out wasnt that suprising. But Sanji snapping at Nami is wierd. I understand its suppose to show how the crew is falling apart. But I dnt know what would make Sanji realisticlly snap like that.

Im also suprised Luffy didnt demand his friends whereabouts earlier. When the crew was arguing. That he would let his crew leave like that before speaking up I didnt understood. I understand he wouldnt know how to act as water 7 hadnt happen yet.

No real comments on Chopper and Robin, they did their own thing most of the time and was already gone by the time the drama happend.

But now to the ending.

I got hit with nostalgy when the creepy imagery started. It was something I recognized from old animes/movies but modern shows/movies havent been able to replicate. I didnt realise it was something I missed in movies.

It was great to watch. The artstyle didnt bother me that much as I thought it would. I wasnt prepared for the dad to do the killing blow to the flower. Normally Luffy is the one that take down the big bad while other help on the side line.

Now I just need to find my notes on which movie was worth watching next.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can I please request reader x Caine, where reader just arrived at the digital circus and was somewhat scared, but then she heard Caine's voice and calmed down, as the ringmaster's voice seemed very beautiful, albeit loud. Reader, of course, will compliment him and his voice. Thank you!

Caine x reader!

Wasnt sure what to title this so UHUH we going in this bare!!!!

My tumblr asks are still being wonky; I'm on mobile and I havent checked to see if it's the same on laptop but when I go to answer an ask it like. Makes the words all stick to the left snd make the ask "long"

Very frustrating stuff since sometimes I need to reread requests mid writing

Anyways

Onto the request!

Its only natural that you were freaking out, I mean you just arrived to this strange place after putting on some headset, and you're struggling to remember anything past that

Realistically, who wouldn't be at least a little scared; if not having an entire full blown episode.. though I suppose shock is a thing

Point is, you're freaking out and its caught the attention of the other circus members who are trying to fill you in on the situation, some even trying to bring comfort by empathizing with your panic (cough cough pomni cough cough)

Though even if you didnt draw in a crowd, I think caine would come and greet you relatively fast! I think he has a mechanism or device somewhere that alerts him when a new circus member joins

Though it would be interesting if he didnt and a new member slips right past him and he didnt know... but this isnt what this post is about

Never ever skips the theatrics when greeting a new circus member, hes pulling all the stops with making the place look as grand and fun as it can be.. even with the added comments he throws in for the digital lake as well as his weird demeanor

Like with how he was with pomni I think that's how he is with all new members, you know?

Pauses for a second when you suddenly compliment him before he gives out an enthusiastic thank you

I mean he knows hes all that, but it's different when someone else says it, you know? Caine isnt totally up his own ass about himself

Kind of pauses when you praise other parts of him, and honestly as long as you're not being weird about it or drowning him in compliments he will take your words well!

^ I answered a similar ask a while ago so not many new ideas here, I think! Only difference here is that the other ask had you flirting with caine as soon as you first meet him, I think

[marvelstars]

Anidala

I am not personally a big fan of their relationship mostly because romance in movies isn´t really my thing, I an more of an Anakin fan but I like them a lot as their individual characters and I believe the perception SW fandom has of them as a couple isn´t fair in many ways.

To begin with, Lucas purposely made their relationship complicated not because they were not suited for each other but because he wanted to give them a sort of Romeo and Juliet romance that ends in tragedy, not exactly because they could not have overcome their problems but because the context in which they lived actively opposed their relationship.

In Anakin´s and Padmé case, they could not get publicy married because Jedi are not supposed to marry and Padmé didn´t want Anakin to leave the Order for her, especially during the clone wars. She is smart politician who knows the kind of low moral it could bring if a member of the Jedi left their Order just after a war began and Anakin wasn´t going to abandon the Order on their own and Obi-Wan to possibly die alone. This is the reason why Anakin had the plan of staying a Jedi until the war was done and then go live on Naboo with Padme.

The fandom usually calls Anakin selfish for his "attachment" to Padme but being in love and wanting to live with your loved one isn´t attachment, this is him being a realist person, he didn´t want to stay a Jedi if that meant he had to leave his wife and (possible/future) children alone and he wasn´t as arrogant as to insist the Order change their own rules to suit his individual case. So it´s a simple decison of I can´t be two things at once if I am going to be married I will eventually leave the Order.

"I had a mother who loved me" Anakin Skywalker

He already had trouble about the Jedi Order´s possiton on familiar relationships, he didn´t know this when he was made a Jedi as a 9 year old child but he suffered the consequences, his mother being left a slave and lose the chance of seeing her freed and happy with her adopted family. He doesn´t mention this actively but the fact he appreciated and respected the Jedi´s peace keeping ways, their philosphy and ideology doesn´t mean he could not be critical of their stance of keeping their members away from their birth families as part of their tradition, he didn´t want to impose his beliefs but he wasn´t going to follow that tradition when he could live with his family.

So I have the maybe unpopular oppinion that within the context of their relationship, without the stress imposed on it by outside forces, mainly Palpatine and the war, their love was healthy but it´s the kind of love that wasnt convenient for the lifes they led and that in any other universe they could have overcome their situation if Palpatine didn´t deliberately used their relationship agaisnt them to drive Anakin to insanity after a period in which both were emotionally exhausted for living and participating in a war while keeping a secret relationship.

So imo their love and care was good, the children they got out of their relationship was as Anakin said a blessing, the actual attachment, acording to the story only comes to play when Anakin tried to keep Padmé alive at all cost thanks to Palpatine´s manipulations but this wasn´t a decison Anakin made in an usual circunstance, this was a state he fell into after years of war, lack of mental health attention and not being able to sleep for days seeing her die over and over again, knowing for a fact his dreams always became true even if most people didnt believe him.

Lest remember Anakin in the prequel trilogy is a tragic character in the old classic Greek sense, he was a great hero with a fatal flaw that became his undoing. Anakin having prophetic dreams is an active part of the story and his fear of losing Padmé wasn´t irrational, it was him knowing that in many ways, not matter what he did, the people he dreamed dying, died and this was enough to drive him to insanity but in the end, even in this scenario Padmé´s belief in Anakin´s goodness was valid and true, she showing compassion for him after his fall to the darkside wasn´t a flaw it was a strenght and Luke proved his mother right after all those years ago by becoming the one person able to save his father from the darkside, giving way to the end of the Empire, If Padme had gotten Anakin to get back from the darkside 20 years earlier, even if he and her were separated or he was killed after helping defeat the Emperor as a result of Anakin´s actions, it would have ended the Empire sooner.

Outside of this tragic frame, Padmé and Anakin were both idealist children who became outstanding people who truly believed in trying to make a difference with the tools they had, both felt a strong compromise to the Galaxy and to their respective organizations, the Jedi and the Republic but as many other people their age, they also wanted a family and live happily together.

Star Wars is ultimately the story of the Skywalker family facing off Palpatine and his Empire, Padme and Anakin being at different times pupils of The Emperor is actually part of the tragedy, not a result of their love.

[croutonconfidential]

juvia got done dirty cuz shounen manga couldnt handle such a complex female character like her and mashima the author focused on using fanservice more later down the line and overused comedy in his writing(he still made a really great manga that i love very much tho)

i saw the first few of juvia's appearances in the manga and was not ready for her to turn infatuated with gray the moment they had their first conversation on their first meeting, she was used for comedy instead of her being a sad bad ass s-class wizard

she had such a strong presence in her first appearance, with sharp yet sad eyes and a cool look and i expected her to have mental fortitude and really give it her all for a fight especially for someone mashima spent so long hyping up as a powerful wizard and formidable opponent, but instead of taking something seriously mashima went for the humor of juvia falling in love like she was plummeting off a cliff

that said i did think it was pretty good thematically for where mashima decided to handle the ending of juvia vs gray fight and engaging in her backstory mid fight while gray is entirely unaware of her internal monologue and introspection so hes really confused ( i did honestly find it funny and endearing of juvias character that shes the type to jump too conclusions and have strong emotions but the way she developed feelings for gray so quick it felt unnatural and put me off a bit)

and despite her fluster and sudden infatuation shes still strong and powerful in the fight so its not like she was hyped up for nothing, midfight she does put her new feelings aside to engage in combat against gray after he shoots her with ice spears

when she tries to talk gray out of fighting she offers a way to settle the fight peacefully by him turning over lucy to phantom and her convincing jose to send phantom to withdraw (this also shows some of her naivete/the shallow understanding she has of her guild master compared to gray because jose wouldnt abandon his vendetta against fairytail just because the job to kidnap lucy and return her home was complete, he wasnt even going to complete the job he was going to use lucy as leverage to extort lucy's dad for all his money) so that she doesnt have to fight gray because she doesnt want to fight someone she likes, who is also still recovering from an injury btw, in serious combat , this is a good moment in the story because it highlights the difference in their perspective and values that they developed in completely different environments of their respective guilds

but then it takes another turn in the comedy direction of her perceiving gray's declaration of never turning on his friends no matter what as a declaration of gray's love for lucy and its supposed to be funny about how she jumps to conclusions and has a short temper when it comes to romantic rivalry but its just odd to me (although it does showcase how juvia doesnt have a naturally gloomy disposition and shes really high energy and strong in a fight when her emotions are running high)

in actuality i feel like an emotional appeal was really the only way gray could beat juvia who is an s-class wizard and reasonably couldnt be beaten by gray, especially when hes still injured from the mission on galuna island

so ya, im dissatisfied with the comedy cheapening this moment in the phantom lord arc and the nature of the comedy, but realistically its the only way gray would be able to win against juvia and juvia isnt a stone cold bad ass like her reputation made her out to be, shes a teenage girl with a wide spectrum of emotions which is part of what this part of the arc shows during the gray vs juvia fight

unfortunately great stories can sometimes be hurt by author's choices in the direction the story takes and constrained by their genre and target demographics but that how it is sometimes

[lexxchinchillaa]

so i havent really be keeping up with the TOTA Takeover (i was watching doctor who all day everyday) BUT i will do this last one.

i think the show is wonderful. it discusses mental illnesses without making it the entire plot or entire personality of characters. it displays it realistically and doesnt romanticise (by this i mean they didnt just show positive things or ignore it completely) or... obsess over it, i suppose. it wasnt completely focused on the characters "flaws" or illness. while they were mentioned, they actually still made the characters relatable and realistic, as opposed to (imo) Heartstopper, which felt to me like it fetished queer people, but thats a discussion for another day.

it was nice for a change in media, because its not often that you get media from the perspective of someone outside of the mental hospital willingly going inside because they genuinely enjoy being there and the people there. thats one of the reasons i love Eddie, he isnt afraid of what people will say about his new job, or if he is, its not stopping him even though (im pretty sure?) he doesnt get paid for it. hes a kind and lovable protagonist and it was interesting to have his side and opinions on things.

the side characters (i suppose thats what they are) are easy to fall in love with because they have so much depth and are genuinely interesting as a whole. it had, i think, important representation of Rosalie's OCD. it was important representation because it doesnt seem like we get a lot of OCD in media anymore (not that we ever really did, at least not in the things ive watched). i personally dont know much about the disorder but the representation still felt... correct, i suppose, to someone who has little to no knowledge, which is still a good sign because it means it was easy to understand and, yes, still seemed realistic. it was easy to feel bad for Rosalie because of her story and because she was treated and written as a real person.

have you ever watched something and thought, "this character is a bit cardboard-esque"? doesnt it make it tricky to actually feel bad for the character in question? its difficult to sympathise or empathise with someone who is uninteresting or unrealistically written. like in the Twilight movies, for an example. its difficult to feel bad for Bella because shes a kind of basic protagonist. she has simple wants and has simple struggles. whereas in TOTA, the characters have different wants than is usually displayed. like Campbell for example. he wants to be a radio show host and whats stopping him? his struggle to find a place that wants to take him and, i would say, his fathers disapproval. while Campbell isnt openly warm with his father, its still difficult for Campbell to ignore him because its his dad, the man who was there, but not necessarily there for him, all his life. its still difficult to get over someone whos supposed to love and support you telling you that you wont be able to do something.

Campbell is another example of a well written character. it was easy for me to love him, and not just because he was played by DT. he was a funny character without just being comedic relief. his bipolar disorder was displayed well according to me, someone with again, little to no knowledge in the subject. it was nice to have a character who has specific wants that are different from other characters in other medias. he was interesting because he was, say it with me, written as a real person. Campbell was easy to love because he was written and played like someone i would personally want to be friends with. hes funny, caring, friendly, unique, and protective. he sort of immediately likes Eddie and is friendly and talkative with the older man. he doesnt hold back and doesnt bite his tongue when he wants to say something.

TOTA was silly and light hearted while still bringing up important subjects that i dont think a lot of media is willing to bring up. i think, unfortunately, it might have been before its time. i think if it was made recently or in recent years, a lot more people would watch it and talk about it. i think its a beautiful show that, while not laying too heavily on it, discusses mental illness in a positive way. it doesnt act like the characters disorders are flaws, it treats it as something the characters have that might make them unsatisfactory to other people but not like it is unsatisfactory and i think it was lovely.

overall, i thoroughly enjoyed watching TOTA. it was different from most things i watch but not in a way where i was reluctant to watch more and only liked it at the end. i thought the ending was brilliant, even if it wasnt a massive everyone-got-their-way sort of ending. it was honestly nice to have media that had only two characters that i can think of getting what they want. TOTA had some sad parts that were so well written i cried. and if something bad happened to a character (haha... ha... hm), i cared about the character and was upset because they were well written and i loved them.

i know i used the words "well written" and "realistic" so many times, but the main things that struck me about TOTA were those two things. while i love sci fi and fantasy, its nice to have a show that felt real, like it actually happened. i loved the characters and the plot. the writing was superb. its an amazing show that more people should watch.

(hi. sorry if this is terribly written, im not great at these sorts of things. i tried keep it focused but if i ever strayed away from the main point, i apologise)

[ganbaremidori]

cosmic feelings [ii] h.s

synopsis: harry hunts down the girl who’s been haunting his dreams - which isn’t really difficult when you’re as powerful as him. 

so originally harry thought he was only attracted to this girl because she was so unlike the other girls and so unlike what he’s used to - a mere curious attraction to a stranger which eventually fades away and so does your memory of them. because thats whats logically supposed to happen, right? and maybe with others this was what happens, but not with harry. hence despite his original hypothesis, the end result is nothing close to being similar. 

in fact, funnily enough, it’s the opposite!

days pass and harry just cant get this fierce girl out of his mind. he goes to sleep with her breaths echoing in his ears and wakes to her eyes. doesnt help the matter at all when every waking moment hes thinking of her. its just her, her, her and her. and harrys about to combust from all of this pent up frustration because all hes thinking about is her and its like his brain refuses to conjure any other image than her face and he has so many papers left to read and sign-

but then. but then in a moment of stunning clarity harry realizes something. something that terrified him at the time but proved to be the second brightest thought that has ever crossed his mind. 

harry has a stupid little crush on the waitress that told him to fuck off. politely. 

then a lot like cancer, his brain went through four stages. 

1. denial; harry just cant believe he’d like someone! people in his workplace know him as this monster whos gonna eat them up or worse fire them without notice and hes over here getting putty over some girl he met for less than two minutes? it doesnt mathematically, statistically, hypothetically, metaphysically, realistically make sense. so how in the universe did he-

2. anger; how dare harry like someone? and how dare someone else rule over his heart and mind like this? how dare someone make him doubt his decisions for even a second? how dare this someone make him wonder what type of cheesecake theyd like when his secretary asked him if he wanted a cheesecake from this really good bakery down the street? and how dare he ponder over if this someone would appreciate the tie hes wearing to work today? 

3. bargaining; and now harrys usually not like this. usually. but this situation is nothing close to being usual. it is as unusual as it can be. to now go back to normal and teach his mind a lesson harry decides to try meeting and chatting with other women to forget her. that has got to be the solution right? if he meets with another woman whos better, prettier - hes got to forget about that waitress hes hopelessly in love with right? then why, why does he keep searching for her face in every stranger he sits across on a super fancy restaurant? 

4. acceptance; finally, finally after many failed attempts to get his heart and brain to agree with each other, he accepts defeat. fine. fine he’ll talk to her properly the next time. the next time he accidentally stumbles upon her beautiful figure in the midst of a bland crowd. 

their next meeting wasnt accidental. not at all. but harry thinks its not his fault that he consciously made the decision to rush to the next ball - the ones he despises - when the invite slid in. and harry thinks its very normal when he spends extra time cleaning himself up and shaving and picking a very handsome suit. he just wants to look pretty for himself - who said that it was for a very specific person? 

his eyes never seemed to leave the crowd - darting from one person to the next. he’s in search. search for the captivating woman who has plagued his nights and mornings. he’s completely surrendered, he thinks pathetically to himself. utterly arrested underneath her. and she doesn’t even know it yet. 

but he is pulled out of his fantasies when his eyes catch the sight of the one hes being waiting for all this time. dressed in her uniform with stray hairs and a non existent makeup is her, balancing trays on her hands. his eyes follow her until she disappears behind the bar. harry slowly stalks towards the table with his name decorated on thin, golden letters on a richly textured paper. 

harry styles. 

he sits down and calls for a waiter. a waiter arrives almost immediately. 

“i, uh, i’ll have a casamigos.” harry utters. “oh and-” and harry realizes that he doesnt even know her name. but just then, as if fate, she walks out of the bar and she’s about to pass his table. “could you please have her deliver the drink?” harry asks, pointing at the girl. 

the waiter follows harrys finger and his eyes land on her. he smiles. “[y/n]? sure thing, sir. absolutely.”

and then the waiters gone. 

suddenly, harry has this urge to bite his nails. hes nervous. hes never been nervous before. not when he was taking on this huge company by himself with no one by his side, not when his name was on every magazine, never. but oh, whats he gonna say in front of her? is he gonna be a bumbling idiot or is he gonna confidently and smoothly charm her? 

“mr. styles?” that voice bubbles - the sweetest sound like softest honey, the softest sunshine. “your drink.”

and as harry looks up at her, he can tell the recognition that flashes across her face. ohmygod- it’s that powerful man my best friend drenched in some liquid and the person i talked back to!

“thank you, darlin’” harry murmurs, gently taking the drink out of [y/n]s hand.

she must notice the stark difference between the angry man she met couple of weeks ago and the sweet man whos in front of her right now. 

“uh, okay, um.” [y/n] breathes in. then breathes out slowly. “i’ve gotta run but call anybody if you need anything, all right?”

and thats the second interaction harrys ever had with [y/n], which makes him fall even deeper. without ever even knowing her last name.  

[angstics]

Patrick and Ian play Charles and Erik like they’re a divorced couple who are nice to each other but still passive aggressive.

James and Micheal play a version in which Charles is accidentally seducing Erik and Erik is literally daydreaming about conquering the world together and kiss but Charles isn’t interested in either of those things.

IN MY OPINION

Yeah they are definitely not perfectly aligned 😭 tbf they are 40 years (and i think a timeline?) apart from each other. To me older and younger Charles and Erik align in being obsessed with their friendship, even more than each other as people. Even their ideologies cant get in the way of a cheeky hangout. I honestly got the sense Charles wanted Erik with him way more than Erik did, in First Class. Until the end, which is curious…

The scene in first class where magneto betrays charles is good and bad at the same time. This turned out to be a bigger rant than i anticipated. It will not make sense.

What i dont like: they dont set up “i dont trust you in my brain” at all. I understand that Erik takes after Shaw, but the movie framing it as if it’s Nazi-apologist ideology is crazy. Also isnt Erik’s family probably being “normal” complicate his bias? Lol. I dont feel like they set up the “Frankenstine’s creature” thing well, since we dont see them post-meeting — it is very important to their alignment that Shaw “created” Charles but Charles and Mystique “created” Magneto. That dichotomy appears then disappears real quick. What man is Erik? Why are they trying to make me think Erik is taking Shaw’s place uncritically?? When Erik implies that the source of his power is Both his love for his mother and his anger/pain over her death To Shaw. “We are the same but you killed my mother.” Like did he not get his own implication or was that just a relatively shallow revenge thing. It doesnt do a good job of portraying the tragedy of Erik choosing anger for his own sake. It’s mostly just like. Fine whatever im gone now. Instead focusing on its impact on Charles. Which actually leads me to things i do like.

I like: that Charles is SO fucked up over Erik killing Shaw and taking his place. He’s soooo fucked up over it that the film overlays the coin going through Shaw with Charles and experiencing that pain while in his head. I mean it makes sense that Magneto would betray him like this, I just wish it was better set up. I wish the convergence of identity (Shaw v Charles) was better portrayed — though I suppose it would make sense that Magneto would see them as black and white sides… If so, it wouldve been nice to see that conflict while he was in the school. He seemed to be chilling… and pretty happy. Just doesnt make sense why hed switch if he showed an ability to compromise through out the film without complaint. Anyhow i also liked how when he accidentally hits Charles, he drops EVERYTHING. INCLUDING HIMSELF! He’s vulnerable and lashes out YET EVEN THEN LISTENS TO CHARLES, when he realizes he’s right that it wasnt moira who did it but himself. Omfg. It’s this redeeming moment of claiming their relationship as a Forever thing always more important than a war with humans (which Erik abandons to hold Charles) — which they Do demonstrate as their older selves when they constantly team up with each other lol. And I fully believe Erik couldnt have stopped Jean in X3, at least he didn’t think she would do that to Charles (per his surprise and regret). Do we ever go back to the end of X3 or no? Anyway i actually loved how Erik saw him and Charles as the same, and Charles broke that fantasy with a SMILE, while in TERRIBLE PAIN. Charles essentially breaking the partnership is a lot more satisfying than Magneto doing it. His realism is interesting since Magneto sees it as idealism — when Magneto isnt a realist, he’s a Doomer. Makes you think

Ok final thoughts is that they didnt set up Magneto’s betrayal well BUT it makes sense since they do work within the rules of the characters. Theres a tragedy that isnt properly portrayed. But love is forever. Yess.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

i support oc's rights- and their wrongs- please feed us in with the latest jensen lore 👀

@gutmeats

ty both of you i am so excited to talk about him

so WAYYYYY back, before i was in the fandom, i had quite a few darker backstories and versions of jensen. those were supposed to influence my current version, but because of the fandom i have definitely fallen into the hallmark effect (aka everything is perfect besides minor inconveniences or communication issues). i mean dont get me wrong its a little more than that, but it was still a little too nice for my liking

so i am going back to my roots and actually following through w more of the detailed, fucked up things he had done when he was in college (putting it under a cut bc it may be sensitive content to some)

also im putting this into list form bc i dont want to make words sound pretty rn <3

though i had said jensen had done party drugs while he was in the band, i tried to wrap it up too pretty. though he wouldve taken a break from the parties when he had is "minor" mental breakdown after he left the band, realistically it wouldnt have been that easy to stop them altogether. he was still in chicago all throughout med school, so he still had a lot of connections to the people who provided most of the shit he got into. he only wouldve stopped in his second to last, or last year of med school

on the note of his issues after leaving the band, those wouldve been worse, too. while he never wouldve said he was suicidal, did he really want to be alive?

also, those connections made it a lot easier for him to buy people off (usually with party drugs, but sex wasnt off the table). the band took a lot of his effort, and parties took a lot of his time, and maintaining a 3.75 GPA to keep his scholarships wasnt always feasible. he had people write papers for him, had them take quizzes, etc. nothing too serious, not like admissions essays or anything, but enough that getting caught wouldnt have been good

him being emotionally unavailable through med school is definitely staying, but with a bit of an edge, too. there were a few occasions where the people he was fooling around with wanted more, and he was not afraid to set the record straight. he could be cold and apathetic about it, and pissed off plenty of people in the process

on that note, the beginning of his and bryces relationship was a little more rocky. not by much, not in a way that would change their entire trajectory, but in a way that made it harder to get out of their friends with benefits deal. bryce had his own things going on, but jensen wasnt ready for anything too mushy gushy either. he wouldve been more strict about their deal, ofc a date here and there wasnt bad, but nothing too relationship adjacent. he started to slip on that after the chemical attack (when he realized he definitely was in love had A Thing for bryce)

those are the big points!! moving to boston was one of the best things that happened to him, and definitely is what helped him to heal. it was good for him to find new people but especially a new therapist