#he was still very likeable? and literally just seemed like a bad guy with good intentions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lokigodofaces · 22 days ago

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Hi how are you ! I saw you mentioned ward in the tags of the recent post is it the grant ward from agents of shield ? If yes then may I request that you share your thoughts about him pls

Sorry for the delay, I got an unexpected job so I'm a little behind on this and my whumptober entries. And also Tumblr ate your ask when I saved it as a draft, I was pissed but decided to just write my own post and say it was in response to a lost ask. But just now Tumblr decided to return this ask to me! Yay for not having to rewrite part of it!

I think that Ward was a pretty well written character overall. A few random things here in there dude literally was raped by Lorelei and they never bring it up again D: but generally speaking very well done.

Whenever I introduce anyone to Agents of SHIELD, after two or three episodes I always ask who their favorite character is. To this day everyone has answered Ward. To which I have to smile and say, "he's an interesting character" without spoiling anything. I like to share this whenever talking about Ward. He was written to be likeable. He's a lone wolf sort of guy that is protective of his team. Skilled combatant. Attractive. Seems like your standard action hero. I don't know, I think most of us liked him when we first watched the series. His character archetype is pretty well liked by most people.

Then you have the development he gets in the first half of the season. He becomes Skye's SO and we see him teach her different skills. We learn that he did not have a good family life, and later we get more information on this when we see his flashbacks of the well. We see him care for the team. He jumped out of a plane to save Jemma's life. The episode when Ward and Fitz go on a mission together is personally one of my favorite episodes from that season and he clearly worry about Fitz. He and May became close. He started to trust Coulson and fit in alongside the Bus despite it being very different from what he was trained for. He genuinely does fall for Skye and he kills the supposed Clairvoyant out of anger and worry for Skye. He genuinely did learn how to be a team player in some regards.

To this day, after multiple rewatches, I struggle to identify what was manipulation and what was real. Some of it we do know to be real, he was very straight forward about his attraction towards Skye when talking to Garrett. We also know that Ward genuinely cared about FitzSimmons. I mean, y'all saw his face when he dumped them into the sea, y'all saw the regret. Honestly, his connection with May was probably only to get her close to him since we know he canonically liked Skye while sleeping with May I'm so sorry May that probably SUCKED. But even still, there are things I'm unsure of. I need to rewatch season 1 with the sole intention of analyzing Ward in the first half and try to determine what was genuine and what wasn't.

I don't think I've ever felt so betrayed watching a movie/series in my life, and I love AoS for it. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was the best plot twist in the world personally I'm still amazed over Empire Strikes Back but it definitely is up there. And throughout the fandom we all had a similar response: we all had gotten to really like him, some of us were shipping him with Skye, we were upset that his SO is Hydra and feeling bad for him, and we trusted him perfectly. Then he shot Victoria Hand. Revealing he was Hydra the whole darn time. Massive betrayal. I had literally spent half a season liking this guy because he was the guy we were supposed to like, the narrative made him sympathetic. Just to find out he was Hydra.

And we feel that betrayal for the rest of the season. The rest of the team also feels very betrayed, and they all feel it in different ways. Listen, I was not on the Internet when AoS season 1 was released, I was young. But I can imagine that there were lots of theories that Ward was actually being controlled by a prosthetic eye, mirroring Fitz's concerns. Because, hey, Hydra is known for controlling people, it kind of makes sense. Of course, we find out that that isn't the case, what I'm trying to explain is that there was such a huge emotional response that the characters and the audience had to try to find a way to understand what was happening.

Then we're shown the flashbacks of Ward joining Hydra. Which I think we can all agree that he was groomed by Garrett. Ward had been suffering from familial abuse his whole life at this point (to the point that he only loved his younger brother and hated his parents and older brother) and tried to kill his family via arson. So, yeah, not a great thing, definitely good he got arrested for that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to justify what he did ever or anything. Just point out where he was a victim for a moment, but we have to recognize the bad things he did. But he is at his lowest point for sure. We aren't given much info on the arson, but he must've been very unwell for him to resort to killing his parents. Well, Garrett shows up and takes him away. Garrett specifically chose Ward, which means Garrett saw him as someone in a bad place that already resorted to violence because of said situation that he could manipulate. It was a purposeful decision, not random.

As we know, Garrett dropped him off in middle of nowhere Wyoming (I think it was Wyoming, but I might be mistaking myself. Either way it was the middle of nowhere). With only a dog. Well, luckily Ward is also a resourceful guy and he made it work. How? By breaking the law. Stealing from the cabins nearby. So you know we've got kidnapping of a minor (in police custody at that) and purposeful neglect of a minor on Garrett's list of crimes, yay. And this continues for the next several years. So Ward isn't completely dependent on Garrett, he is perfectly capable of hunting, cooking, etc. But now he's dependent on Garrett for the bigger things. The biggest thing, leaving the middle of nowhere. And Garrett talked about Hydra early on without delving in its history so Ward knew that this was training to enter a secret government organization. And look I'm not a psychologist so I can't say much more, but Ward was so groomed during these years.

Which is what makes Ward interesting to me. In some ways he is sympathetic. We know about the child abuse, the grooming, all of that. We know that he suffered and has trauma. We saw glimpses of him truly being a good person at some points. But he remains a villain. He remains a villain that is undoubtedly villainous. Yes, we should talk about the abuse he faced when talking about Ward. But we are shown that he doesn't leave. He continues to be Hydra. Even though he had several chances to leave, he keeps coming back. And that's something I like about Ward as a villain. Sometimes it's fun to see a redemption arc. But sometimes I like to see a villain that doesn't redeem himself despite the chances, that keeps doing what is wrong. Because it happens so much today.

Ward entered SHIELD/Hydra, and to be honest for the first long time Garrett was his SO. Garrett didn't stop manipulating him, though we don't know the specifics. It would have been hard for him to see through the lies during this constant manipulation, and we see real people fall for this with much less grooming in the real world.

But then Ward got the biggest chance he had to see the grooming and leave Hydra: he joined Coulson's team. Which was Garrett's choice, he needed someone on Coulson's team. But Coulson ran the Bus differently than the rest of SHIELD, and everyone but Ward were genuinely good people. And we know that Ward was affected by them! He fell for Skye. He grew attached to FitzSimmons. He worked with them as a team! And he literally watched Coulson give Skye a second chance, give May a second chance, give Mike Peterson another chance, and give Akela Amador a second chance. Obviously very different situations than what Ward was in, but Coulson was willing to help instead of pull the trigger. That is a constant throughout AoS: Coulson gives everyone second chances, he believes in everyone. Imagine if Ward had come out about Hydra to Coulson and explained what happened to him. Coulson would've helped him through it and then punched Garrett in the face for it.

But Ward didn't do that. He never stopped.

Even in season 2, Ward doesn't stop, only kind of. He escapes, and he immediately goes back to Hydra. Granted (lol "Grant"ed), he claims this is to help Skye since Garrett and Raina gave him information she doesn't have. But regardless, he could've been normal about it and tell Skye what he knew instead of working with Hydra to get what he wants. Then he temporarily left Hydra with Kara because he pissed off everyone at Hydra. But he just...did what Hydra does while not labelling himself as Hydra. Listen, genuine real world advice here: you can't fight fascism with fascism. Dehumanization is the tool of a dictator and dehumanizing fascists isn't gonna solve any problems. So, yeah, advice for y'all out in the real world, don't dehumanize anyone ever even if they have horrible opinions! But Ward was kind of wild in season 2 with the idea of getting "closure." Killed his brother and helped Kara get revenge against Hydra for brainwashing her. Said revenge was...brainwashing Bakshi. Hmm...left Hydra just to do...exactly what Hydra did...hmm...seems like he didn't change.... And he worked with the team, not willingly and only because Coulson was desperate. And he used it as a way to get to Bobbi and torture her :). Definitely did not change at all despite leaving Hydra.

Then season 3 he dubs himself a head of Hydra and forms his own thing. All because Kara died. So yeah no change at all. Then he joined up with Malick to bring back Hive. Captures FitzSimmons and is wildly creepy with them. Oh, so he promised to not hurt them before? Well he never promised to stop someone from torturing Simmons! And forcing Fitz to an alien world!

And, as we all know, Coulson followed them and killed Ward, just for Hive to use Ward's corpse as his host. First off, shout out Brett Dalton for killing it as Grant Ward, Hive, and Framework!Ward (give me a second, we'll get to him in a moment). Dude basically portrayed three different characters and did amazingly every time. But I find it interesting. Ward literally could've left Hydra in season 1, he did leave in season 2 (while not changing his morals), and no one forced him back in season 3. This guy keeps falling back on Hydra. He told the team in season 2 that he was a victim, and May rightly counteracted him. All of them had traumas, very intense traumas, and only Ward became a Nazi because of it. And okay, yeah, I understand that he was groomed into it as a 14 year old (or round abouts, don't remember exact age) and literally wasn't able to leave for years because he was stranded in the middle of nowhere so it's a little different, but he had plenty of chances to leave once he was on the Bus and before when he joined SHIELD. No matter what, he is attached to Hydra. Then his body became the face of the literal Hydra. He refused to leave, he refused to see his faults, he refused to take responsibility. And Hydra took his corpse. He became inseparable from the literal Hydra. I don't know, I find that interesting.

Okay so OG Grant Ward TL;DR: very cool villain. Interesting back story and interesting interaction with characters. Had potential to be redeemed but he chose repeatedly to not change himself. Was groomed into Hydra but as an adult away from any other Hydra members he didn't change. Compelling villain, lots of emotions, I enjoy watching his character, but undoubtedly in the wrong. I am not a "stan," but I do enjoy watching his character. Impressed with the writing, it's hard to find a villain that's been through a lot that doesn't have a redemption/isn't "misunderstood."

Okay as promised, let me talk about Framework!Ward.

For starters, we're gonna start with an assumption. No one is born is evil. Ward was not born evil, he became evil because of the choices he made. Usually people agree with that.

Now here's where it may get controversial. I actually have a post about Framework!Ward only (not gonna find it because I doubt the tagging system will be of any help and that was forever ago) and when I said this second opinion people tried to argue with me, but I never responded. Listen, I don't care enough to argue about this, so don't even try. But I believe that humans are innately good, but that we have great potential to do evil. I'm not gonna argue for that, this is a post on Ward and not philosophy. I don't care to argue for this right now. But that is my belief: humans are innately good, but have the great potential to do evil if they choose to do so.

Also, let's quote Radcliffe for a moment: "One person in your life, one decision, one sentence has the power to change you forever...One sentence like 'I love you,' or 'We're having a baby,' or 'She's gone.'" Which he said in reference to the Framework.

Framework!Ward demonstrates all of these beliefs.

He explains that Victoria Hand found him when he was in custody and helped him out, helped him become better. Hydra took over, and he joined SHIELD and was undercover at Hydra, opposite of what happened in the real world because of one difference. He had a different SO. And he was so good in the Framework! And when Mace died, he became director of SHIELD.

To me, it was very bittersweet and made me think a lot about the nature of humanity and how small events effect our lives. It was one thing that happened that made OG!Ward and Framework!Ward so different, one person. Now, obviously I'm not dispelling the fact that both Wards had their agency. OG could've quite Hydra, and Framework didn't have to fight against Hydra. They still made choices. But their different pasts affected them. And I find it very interesting. I quite honestly loved seeing Ward in the Framework because of this.

Okay, I know that was long and likely made no sense, but I'm gonna post anyway. This about shows my thoughts on Ward. Compelling character, but definitely evil.

#grant ward #agents of shield

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chaifootsteps · 1 year ago

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(Gay Stolas hater anon here)

I think the Stolas I had a liking for was the Instagram Stolas, since he seemed (and was, as far I can recall) relatable, likeable and over all, a very decent and upholding person despite being a literal demon in Hell, that would explain why I had such a nice image before of Stolas.

He was a good person despite having his flaws of cheating on his wife, take into consideration the fact that I had that liking ONLY while S1 was over with Ozzie's and after that episode, I just felt so bad for him, because I kinda see what he feels at the moment and I sympathized with Stolas, because I had seen the Instagram posts and I still liked him in that moment.

Also take into consideration that we didn't have the bs information that we currently have about how stupidly cartoonish evil Stella is, besides that we didn't know where the Blitz and Stolas situation was going for after being publicly outed by both Fizz and Ozzie.

I would definitely fall in love with Instagram!Stolas if he was a real person, since, like you've said yourself, Chai, Instagram!Stolas may be an extremely kinky guy, but he respects boundaries over all, and that says a lot about his morality.

However, S2 Stolas? Fuck that idiot, he can be killed by Striker for all I care, I prefer a more respectable and a responsible person rather than a manipulative horny rapist that will blame everyone but himself for his wrongdoings.

Thank you Viv for fucking killing the liking I had for Stolas.

However, Instagram!Stolas will forever be in my head and heart, like a completely separate Stolas from whatever the fuck we have currently.

Sorry for the huge rant, it's just that I can see that Stolas had so much potential for growth and a redemption arc with fully fledged plot lines, but seeing how Stolas currently is derailing the series and he never faces accountability... yeah, I lost all hope that we'll ever see that Stolas again.

Rest in peace, Instagram!Stolas. You were a real one, and you would have hated your current iteration with every fiber in you, and I wish I knew who played you.

You were a good bird.

#Anonymous #Stolas #Helluva Boss critical #actual blog post

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rogueddie · 2 years ago

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SEASON 1 STEVE DEFENSE LEAGUE okay omg i've been thinking about this for ages and i haven't been able to talk about it to anyone but like - not only is s1 "king steve" not that bad, realistically how long was he even King Steve???? like, the writers and a lot of fandom will have you believe he was King Steve all four years but I find that VERY hard to believe. freshman year - i doubt any (bully) senior would have let a freshie try and take over the school the way steve supposedly had. MAYBE the ground work was laid, but i high doubt he was King Steve. sophomore year - probably the year he was given the title, though i still find it hard to believe (bully) seniors would be letting him take too many liberties. junior year - canon. literally the season starts in the very beginning of november, and high school in the US doesn't start until September. So like. two months maybe of King Steve, but that doesn't include any time he was trying to woo Nancy, where he would have likely been a little less douchey than normal? and then of course canon happens, stancy get together, and steve ditches his old friends. he's not king Steve for his junior year, because he had already made the decision that he wanted to change, and I doubt Nancy would have put up with that. he was probs still popular, but at all close to a bully. senior year - ALSO NOT KING STEVE?? like for real there is almost an entire year gap between s1 and s2, and King Steve gets replaced by Billy like a fucking month into the year. and then steve is REALLY likely not popular any more.

so like if we're trying to be really lenient, steve was king for two years AT MOST. but it's more likely that it was just one year. and god that doesn't really seem like a lot of time huh???? HUH FANDOM!! now we can let steve be a mean girl and bitchy all we want, but like high school bully King Steve was realistically only going for a year

See, I'd argue that a lot of the legwork for King Steve was made in middle school, probably for a year. And, I know the 80s and geek writers will have you believe otherwise, the way you get to the top is by being likeable. It makes it easier for people to turn a blind eye.

He's a good looking guy, he's charismatic, he was a ladies man, he probably already had a solid little group with Tommy, Carol and Nicole. Plus, Steve is shit at fighting. He's shit at arguing and he clearly hates when Tommy gets too cruel. He 100% got his King Steve status by being charming and nice and making friends.

He probably had a solid 2 years as King Steve. And then, in season 2, he still had his King status- even though he lost his social status in season 1? And then the way Robin describes King Steve, making it sound like he was an asshole bc he didn't notice her? Hmm 👀👀👀

#ask #dont quote me on the robin thing #I just remember her putting emphasis on how steve didnt see her #which makes it sound like steve was popular bc people wanted him to like them so when he didnt even notice them? ouch

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navree · 1 year ago

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Your first theory sounds more realistic - Aegon and Visenya, who’s relationships considered never warm, probably had an argument/fight and she said some horrible things (honestly, all her comments in the book are kinda vile and envious so no surprise here).

And I don’t think Aegon ever liked her. But could you blame him? Visenya’s personality is not very likeable, with her being stern and serious most of the time, she sound a lot like Stannis Baratheon and it’s not the kind of a person someone would like to be around. And Aegon seems like a no bullshit person and so I don’t think he would go along with her actions.

follow up to this

See now you're putting me in a tough position here because Stannis is one of my favorite guys in ASOIAF, I love him very much and I can, have, and will continue to talk about him ad nauseam until I am forcibly stopped.

I don't think Aegon and Visenya having a blowout argument where hurtful words are exchanged that worsens any rift that was growing between them is out of bounds. It's actually something I've floated for myself, as a subset of my own theory, that in grief they said harsh things that they've never taken back and it did worsen what was going on between them. They don't necessarily need to have a prior bad relationship for there to be a falling out that they couldn't recover from, especially in such a high stress environment like the First Dornish War.

Listen, I've always said, and I will continue to always say, that I will not knock on anyone's headcanons, especially when it comes to the Conquerors, who we know frighteningly little about as people. And if there are people who view their story the same way that it's been viewed throughout most of Westerosi history and run with that, then that's fine by me, great, go forth and go nuts, there's good content to be mined from that. But it's not going to be something I subscribe to myself. It's also just that simply, as a writer, I've always felt "woman scorned" to be an exceptionally boring trope. Of all the things that can be done with Visenya and Aegon and Rhaenys as people, and with their interlocking relationships, having it just be that Visenya was a jealous hag who hated everyone and who everyone hated right back just feels simplistic and lazy compared to any other possible option. It's not something I'd find narratively compelling on a character or story level, and if this were a narrative proper and that was what they went with, I'd be sorely disappointed.

I also don't think we can just categorically proclaim that Visenya and Aegon never liked each other. We know Visenya at least supported him publicly, that she crowned him as king herself and was an active participant in the Conquest (she was literally injured in battle for it), continued to support the realm even as their relationship worsened, she defended him fiercely whenever his life was in danger, especially during the Dragon's Wroth, to the point of forming the Kingsguard herself to protect him, and even after he was dead, she still offered advice and counsel to Aegon's son by Rhaenys even if she thought he was a bad fit for kingship and supplanted his heir with her own son. And on Aegon's side, he trusted Visenya to be a part of his unification of Westeros and gave her just as many commands as he did Rhaenys to make that possible, he had Visenya not just as a consort but as a co-administrator, as one of the two people most in charge of the day to day political runnings of the Seven Kingdoms, alongside Rhaenys, he trusted her to protect his life and he trusted her instincts when it came to others being charged to protect him also; he did go along with her actions in those various respects. And, most importantly, he still kept her as his wife even after Rhaenys entered the picture.

The idea that the two eldest Targaryen children must get married isn't some hard and fast law, it's just a custom that's followed within the family. And we know absolutely nothing about how Aegon's marriages shook out. We don't even know if he got married to both sisters at the same time, or if there was an original marriage of just him and Visenya with Rhaenys added in later (that's my personal view of it) once Aerion, who seems to have been the person most gunning for it in comparison to his children, was out of the picture, either through infirmity or outright death. But there was a period of time where Aegon was now the person in charge of making decisions on who he would wed, that's why he married Rhaenys at all, and on the flipside would be involved in any decisions about dissolving his original marriage. We don't know exactly how ending a marriage works in Westeros, given that we only get the Faith of the Seven's idea that a marriage can be put aside if it was never consummated. It's entirely possible that, if Aegon really just could never stand Visenya, he could have easily kicked her out of the marriage entirely, and likely been able to do so, rather than just changing the parameters of the marriage to include two wives once Rhaenys got involved. The fact that he did what he did can speak volumes to the respect and affection he had for Visenya, at least as a sister, if not as a romantic partner (I still think Visenya was a lesbian in love with Rhaenys and never saw Aegon as more than a little brother, and Aegon of course was in love with Rhaenys too and only viewed Visenya as a big sister).

None of this precludes there being a catastrophic rift later in life, or them turning on each other in hurtful ways. But in my view, not only through the evidence but also in what I like creatively, I don't think that's what it is. It seems that they liked each other fine early on in life, that they enjoyed each other and loved each other as family, and likely probably did have their own companionship due to some similar characteristics (Visenya was stern and serious, Aegon was, as you said, not someone who took bullshit and seemed to be more inclined to reservation than exhuberation), but the circumstances and stresses of life twisted and corroded that until it was something toxic and distant and hurtful that never fully recovered.

I also think the Stannis thing you mentioned is actually unintentionally revealing, anon. Because on the outside, yeah, Stannis doesn't seem like the kind of guy people would want to be around. He's stern and law abiding to a fault and stubborn and unforgiving, and that hasn't engendered much love for him in other people who don't know him personally. But we, the readers, have seen the inner workings of Stannis through someone who loves him borderline unconditionally, in Davos, and we learn a lot. We learn about Stannis as a kid who nurtured a hawk who would never be the kind of hunter he needed, just because he couldn't just abandon it to die. We learn about Stannis as someone who forced himself into atheism because he couldn't fathom a world where the gods would let him watch his parents die. We learn about Stannis as someone who struggled greatly in the choice between whether or not to abandon his principles in siding with Robert, a traitor, over Aerys, an anointed king, and chose his brother because he loved him. We learn about Stannis as someone who held out through an unimaginable siege and starvation out of loyalty to his brother's cause. We learn about Stannis as someone who values those who helps him, regardless of stations, and we learn about Stannis as someone who wants so desperately to do right by people even if it's not what he wants, like claiming kingship for Robert's sake and swearing his men to press Shireen's claim if he falls in battle even if he never wanted any of this. And we do see Stannis as more than just some asshole the way he's painted as by outsiders, we see him as someone who clearly cares for Davos personally, someone who loved his brothers in spite of feeling like it was never returned, someone who does love his daughter (one of the few good things the show ever did with Stannis were some of his moments with Shireen and his evident devotion to her, before That Scene in 5x09), someone with enough love for his fellow man that he'll go to the Wall to help the Night's Watch and take back Winterfell for the Starks even if it's not entirely in his best interests.

At his core, from what we see through Davos in his longstanding devotion and then Jon as the latter gets to know him more, Stannis is so much more than what he's painted as by the official histories and court gossip and word of mouth from people who've never met him personally or don't know him well beyond saying hi in the halls. He is a thousand times more than his reputation. Stannis is the King Who Cared. And none of that is outwardly evident to people who don't know him, to people who aren't entrusted to his confidences the way Davos is. That's actually a key part of ASOIAF, the way that what we see on the outside is so rarely able to also show us what's going on behind the scenes, the way that the opinions of a general populace often do not line up at all with the reality of the situation of what someone is like in their own thoughts and personalities, like Tyrion being derided as a monster when he was trying to save the city in ACOK.

So if Stannis is all of that, and if that's emblematic of one of the core messages of the book that's actually resonant in a lot of characters if you parse it out, is it so impossible to imagine the same can be said for Visenya? Visenya is someone we are learning about entirely through a history book, Fire & Blood is an in-universe textbook compiled long after Visenya was already dead; we learn nothing about her as a person beyond what's been officially recorded, certainly nothing from those closest to her, as neither she nor Aegon nor Rhaenys left any in person records about themselves or their feelings on each other. It's entirely possible, and honestly quite extraordinarily likely that Visenya, like Stannis, has a lot more to her as a person and as a character than meets the eye.

#personal #answered #anonymous #sorry if this is a bit rambly i just had a lot more points to hit than i realized #did not mean to start ranting on about stannis the way i did but i just........god i love him so much

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tiggymalvern · 2 years ago

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Burn Notice - season 6 rewatch

My rewatch of season 6 didn’t change my take on any of the main events. It did prod me into a few other thoughts, though, mostly about what isn’t there. It made me curious about Sam’s family. Seven years, and he only refers to his blood relatives twice – first when he tells Michael about how he stole an air rifle when he was ten, and his dad had the cops put him in a cell to teach him a lesson. Then when Elsa’s son is talking to him about how hard it is trying to deal with parental expectations when you’re not what they want you to be. That’s all we get. And maybe Sam’s parents are dead, maybe he’s an only child (less common in that generation than now), but no talk of aunts, uncles, cousins, anybody? We get Jesse’s tragic backstory and why this disaster of a found family are all he has, but Sam’s situation seems to be the same and nobody mentions it. This is a man who’s turned being likeable into a professional skill. He cultivates an entire network of people who’ll risk their careers, and in some cases jail, feeding him confidential information, because they think he’s a nice guy. But apparently his own relatives don’t like him, or he’s avoiding them. There has to be something bad there, right? And honestly, it fits my headcanon perfectly well, because my Sam is bisexual, and if his family discovered that in the 1970s or early 80s, that would explain everything. But I’m curious if the writers ever had any thoughts on it, because we have some very specific details on background, childhood and family for the other three main characters, while Sam’s just a big blank space for everything except his career. The other thing notably missing is any interaction between Madeleine and her adopted ducklings after Nate is killed. They all show up for the funeral, but otherwise they’re entirely conspicuous by their absence. Which is understandable, because she’s furious, and not just with Michael (she specifically says there’s enough blame there for everybody) and nobody would be enthusiastic about putting themselves into that line of fire. But at the same time, Madeleine’s flailing, and Michael’s flailing, and every time he tries to mend fences with his mother she vents her anger on him, and everyone just steers clear and leaves them to it? That’s... harsh. And not just on Madeleine and Michael, because a stressed out and emotion-driven Michael isn’t particularly pleasant or safe to be around. Sam definitely knows that, and Fiona must too. Jesse might not – yet. And honestly, he’s getting a pass from me because he hasn’t known Madeleine for as long as the others, so he’s not best placed to be running interference. But Fiona and Sam? Trying to mitigate and defuse the tensions between the surviving Westens would almost count as self-preservation, given the alternative of leaving Michael struggling to deal with it all. In many ways, they have a better relationship with Madeleine than Michael does, because they’ve really only known her at her best – they don’t have all the years of baggage and failed trust with her that Michael has. Fiona has a good enough relationship with Madeleine that she keeps in touch with her even after she’s given up on Michael and she’s living with someone else. How many people still hang out with their ex’s mum? Sam lived with Maddie for a while, which is more than adult Michael ever did – Michael turned up in Miami broke and homeless, and went around begging favours from anyone he knew rather than go to his mum’s house. And Sam could probably get away with a bit more on the Nate front because he had nothing to do with it, he was with Maddie and Barry the whole time. But if they make any attempt to help Madeleine and Michael in their grief and guilt and recriminations, we don’t see it. Apart from the funeral, we don’t see Maddie with any of her ducklings until after everything's gone to hell (hello, stressed out and emotion-driven Michael!) and they’re all literally running for their lives. After Maddie’s told Michael that she has to forgive him (and by extension the rest of the gang) or she’ll lose him too. So did they actually all ghost Madeleine all that time, or did they try and we weren’t shown it? Because if they did just keep their heads down and wait for it to blow over, they are godawful friends. On medical stuff – I have SUCH a love/hate relationship with the cruise ship episode. This is the Pearce I really wish we’d seen more of, because she’s awesome when she’s allowed to take a big role in Burn Notice shenanigans. But the ep also drives me up the wall, because nobody is remotely consistent on whether they’re talking about bacteria or a virus. And no, that’s not how a Gram stain works. Or what it does. The writers went to so much trouble for that scene where Michael’s rehearsing how to fake being an infectious disease specialist – trying to learn all the CBCs and PLTs and PTTs – they obviously looked some of that up. So why didn’t they double check the basics? AAAAARRRRGGHH. Sometimes they obviously checked. When Sam gets shot, most of the detail there is pretty good. Not all of it, but I’ll accept there’s a limit to what you can show, and what you can mock up for Network TV. But the consequences of delaying treatment for an abdominal gunshot wound, that’s all nailed. Even when you’re not bleeding significantly, if you delay surgery for 24 hours, the survival rate drops to 50% because the septic peritonitis kills people. Probably, like everything else on these shows, it came down to time, and the writers didn’t have enough of it to look up everything. But seriously, they could have given the cruise ship script to someone with any kind of medical or microbiology training for an hour and had it fixed. Any vet tech/nurse could have made those edits and made it a really good, fun ep that doesn't make me want to scream...

#burn notice #rewatch #season six

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project1939 · 6 months ago

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100+ Films of 1952

Film number 131: My Man and I

Release date: September 5th, 1952

Studio: MGM

Genre: drama

Director: William Wellman

Producer: Stephen Ames

Actors: Ricardo Montalban, Shelley Winters, Claire Trevor

Plot Summary: Chu Chu, a Mexican-American farm laborer, dreams of saving enough money to live his own American Dream. He meets Nancy, a troubled alcoholic, and seeing the good in her, falls in love. Things crumble, however, when his racist boss refuses to pay him the wages he is owed,

My Rating (out of five stars): ***¼

For the first hour I absolutely loved this film- I would have given it four stars at that point. It was dark, sad, and more risque than most films of the time. Nearly all the characters were extremely damaged in an unvarnished way. But after about an hour, it was like the movie came to its senses and said, “Wait!! This is MGM in 1952! We can’t let this be some kind of Italian Neo-Realist stuff!” So it tacked on a happy ending and dispensed with most of the soul searching. (Some spoilers)

The Good:

Ricardo Montalban! First of all, the man is so beautiful I swear I could literally swoon if I was standing next to him. I kept writing, “OMG HE IS SO PRETTY!” in my notes. He was more than just a pretty face, though. His acting made me feel loads of empathy for his character.

The character Nancy. She was one of the rawest and most vividly portrayed alcoholics I’ve seen in a Classical Hollywood movie. She wasn’t a glamourous alcoholic like the Joan Fontaine character in Something to Live For. She was desperate, self-hating, hopeless, and suicidal.

We actually got some pretty steamy “female gaze” moments in this! The wife of Chu Chu’s racist boss often watches a shirtless Montalban working on the farm, and her thoughts are unmistakable.

The two main villains in this, Mr. and Mrs. Ames, are so despicable you want to throw things at them. This made for really good drama, though. Then add in the fact that Mrs. Ames was much more complex than just a simple bad guy. She was one of the most broken characters, and it wasn’t hard to feel sad for her.

The writing, especially in the first 2/3 of the film was pretty damn good. I often paused it to write down quotes that impressed me.

The film was visually interesting- it was often darker and shadier, like a noir, but it still had a somewhat polished MGM look.

The subject matter was shockingly dark and risque for the time, especially for MGM.

It was pretty cool that a Mexican born character (and actor!) was the star of the movie- almost every single film released in 1952 had a white protagonist.

The indictment of racism. Chu Chu is often subjected to racist remarks and prejudiced treatment. Slurs are used in the film, but they always come out of the mouths of bad guys. The character we are most meant to love and empathize with is Chu Chu.

The Bad:

Chu Chu is probably too perfect. It kinda reminded me of later Sidney Poitier films- some of the black characters he played were almost saintly, clearly to make them likeable to anyone but the most terrible racists. I get that there are good intentions behind it, but I wished Chu Chu could have maybe had one noticeable flaw!

The broken English the Mexican characters spoke got to be a little much sometimes.

The final 30 minutes or so were a letdown for me, mostly because the tone suddenly seemed to take a 180. What was gritty and realistic started becoming more sentimental and idealized.

The ending, especially the change of heart from the Ames, seemed almost ridiculous.

The romance between Chu Chu and Nancy wasn’t very believable. As interesting a character as Nancy was, I felt dumfounded that Chu Chu would fall in love with her. She was an absolute mess who needed medical care. I kept thinking, “She doesn’t need a boyfriend right now, she needs professional help!

#1952 #1952 movies #100 films of 1952 #ricardo montalban #200 films of 1952 #200 films of 1952 film 131

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snudibranchs · 9 months ago

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new vs old scott (why i think new scott not being a total dick is okay plus a fan theory, also spoilers obv)

big uncapitalized textpost under the cut lol,

okay i usually don't involve myself too much in fandom discourse but i've been getting a lot of bad faith criticism of the new animated series by fans of the comic and movie so here's my two cents plus a little loose fan theory.

i'm gonna preface this with yes, i noticed the the scott in the new animated series "scott pilgrim takes off" scott is significantly different from his movie and comic counterpart, and i actually think that's a good thing.

there was a deliberate effort by the animators and writers to make scott more likeable, and i think this was a great with the new direction, he's actually very cute and lovable personality, despite his glaring flaws, with the new direction the series went with ramona being the main character, i totally see how she would care about him and try to solve the mystery of his disappearance.

not like scotts some some sort of prize to her or anything but i can see how she would care about him and when you want the audience to project onto her as the new main character, you gotta make the audience care scott too, especially the ones who may not even be familiar the source material.

and i think the inclusion of "old scott" is a very good choice too for, well, there's a lot to unpack and my thoughts are kind of disjointed so bear with me:

old scott is literally the old scott from the comics.

i mean, yeah that much is obvious, but what i'm saying the scott we see at the beginning of the series isn't the scott from the comics, even before the fight with matthew patel.

he is actually a different person and incarnation of the same dude, from an entirely different universe that was created when old decided when old scott tried to reach back in time.

this is supported by a few things:

i mean, time didn't collapse immediately when old scott ripped scott out of the fight with matthew

even if through some writing contrivance time didn't rip itself in half, old very much still has the memories of the movie or comic's scott pilgrim with defeating the exes, (also a cute little symbolic way to say that this new series literally does not erase the old series, or the old scott's character, which i think is nice)

the very on the nose name of "old scott" as in it's a scott that is old but could also mean the very literal old scott from the comics, in a very clever double meaning imo

the fact that, as we mentioned before, scott behaves entirely in this series and the canon events of the comics literally play out entirely differently, eg: at the party where scott tries to talk to ramona, scott just awkwardly compliments her shoes in the comics, talks about pac-man in the movie, talks about the old dic sonic cartoons in takes off

speaking of which that; scott's very, very prominent mention of "imagine that, the same dude voicing two different versions of the same guy", i don't know about you but that explicit mention of "two different versions of the same guy" seems more than a tongue in cheek self aware reference and feels more like deliberate foreshadowing to me.

these are my five main points but really i could go into a bunch of others about how every character (especially the exes) feels distinctly different than their previous incarnations, and how i think it's more than just establishing new traits for characters that weren't really given much spotlight in the source materials.

in conclusion:

the scott from the movies and comics feels like he was dating knives because he had an asian school girl fetish and sought her out, the scott from takes off feels like he was dating knives because she was fan of his band and she asked him out and he did know how to say no to her, still shitty but less shitty, which really sums him up in this series lol, and i think there's an explicit reason for that that's going to be established more in season 2, if we get it lol, thanks for listening to my garbage. :)

#nudi babbles #nudi's soapbox #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim takes off

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zalrb · 11 months ago

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100% agree with your points. i love that the love story of the show is debbie and sue and not a romantic one but absolutely i really like debbie and gary's chemistry and i like gary so i was rooting for him to do better but i think how it ended with them not really being together and going to do their own things without the other was better than ending up together. what did you think about all the adults and their dynamics, storylines and chemistries?

I think I just needed a bit more from Gary, like I got Gary, he's introspective, he's sensitive, he seems to understand the problematic, misogynistic, violent underpinnings of his social circle, like when he snaps at his friends when they're talking about their sexual exploits because he sees that attitude in his father and in how his father treats his mother and women in general yet he also participates in it though not to the same extent as his friends but still enough and his mom makes him sad and his dad makes him enraged and terrified and sad and so objectively I can see how that leads to the drug use and how he goes from weed to heroin but I also didn't think they explored the drug use enough or Gary's feelings enough for it to feel fully formed for me so I was like I can see what you're doing, I can see how he can be on the path to either being a good guy or a bad guy and how he stutters on that path but I just needed a bit more to feel the sympathy required for me to root for him to be with anyone because I was like, you and Debbie are very sweet but I wouldn't be surprised if in the next scene you did kick her because she ate your food, like it was just too precarious for me.

The parents ... I preferred them in season 1. Season 2 got a little too theatrical for me especially with Yvonne and Ferris and Graham and I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to be getting from that situation. Ferris and Yvonne, they were difficult for me. Like in season 1, I was kind of unsure of whether or not the show wanted us to be like Ferris is abusive or Ferris is just a dick because the way Yvonne acted, like she couldn't leave the house, she needed to get dinner just right, she wanted to wear blue, her anxiousness, her shyness, I was like, does Ferris want her trapped in the house, like did he turn her into this person, got bored and then started philandering? And then his stuff with Gary, I was like OK he makes him drive over his surfboard which is fucked up but when Gary starts smashing dishes, he doesn't do anything... so ... And then in season 2, he literally tries to kill Graham and slut shames Yvonne and kind of becomes cartoonish so I was just like ... ... yeahhhhhh, idk.

I think Roger and Pam had good chemistry and were definitely believable as the married couple who had their issues but who were the most solid out of everyone and were still as passionate about each other now as they were when they first met and seeing their relationship with Sue compared to Martin and Judy's relationship with Debbie was done well, like the different parenting styles.

Judy was interesting because I understood her, I understood what she wanted for her family, what she wanted for Debbie, what she was trying to avoid because what Debbie was doing and what she was getting into, they weren't harmless things, they were pretty heavy, traumatic things that she wasn't ready for so I understood her fear and I understood her stance as OK but I'm the parent and you listen to me, but she's not a likeable character and the things that Debbie would say to her -- which I would never have been able to say to my mom lmao -- weren't exactly wrong either and Judy didn't always handle things correctly although I did understand why she would send Debbie to boarding school and why she made certain allowances for Cheryl that she didn't for Debbie. I also had to rate her for calling the teacher who married Vicki a child molester.

Her and Martin, their storyline is probably the one I cared about the least and Martin was probably the character I cared about the least.

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selfcarecap · 2 years ago

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would like to know more about your opinions about punk 57 :))

Hii Yesss, okay so I’m just gonna say eeeverything (but warning it’s not positive lmao) it’ll probably be a lot so I’ll put a readmore lol (also spoilers)

Okay idk where to start. So this is obviously fully my own fault but I misread the blurb (several times💀) and thought this was a wlw story and was a tiny bit disappointed when I realised it wasn’t lol but at the same time I was still really excited to read it bc I’d only heard good things and either way I thought the pen pal thing was super interesting and could be cute

Right from the start I didn’t like Misha like aren’t the male MCs supposed to be likeable and loveable in a romance book? Lmao. I guess he wasn’t bad but even before the thing with his sister happened I didn’t like him.

Then we met Ryen and I didn’t like her either. I mean most people wouldn’t like her at the beginning obviously but she’d been so horrible that by the time we found out why she’s the way she is, I didn’t care anymore 😭 also I think 18 is old enough to know better and not act like that.

Omg and generally age wise? There’s no reason for these people to be 18 and in high school. It’s like Euphoria in that way lmao. They should have been in college. I didn’t know whether to expect YA or New Adult and I still don’t know what it was because it’s clearly not YA because of all the sex but then why are they in high school? I didn’t really enjoy the smut bc it was weird knowing they’re barely legal. I’m not much older than them or anything but most people I knew when I was 18 (and actually it hasn’t changed much in the two years) were not having that type of sex lol (sure some people do and good for them lol but just make them older lol. This is a book adults are supposed to read so?). It was so so cringe to me when they were having sex on the library floor and in the car with their whole class right next to them omg.

And also about the sex, so I genuinely don’t mind the word slut during sex lol BUT NOT WHEN IT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE? If you haven’t talked about what you like during sex yet and the guy suddenly calls you a slut? 🚩🚩🚩 I mean Misha was generally a red flag tho, he was so aggressive and weird and I get he was heartbroken because of his sister but I just didn’t get him. and he was suddenly a criminal as well like idk he was such a ‘bad boy’ but like for no reason and he wasn’t even cool. He was just an annoying man (boy) who was very unlikeable and I didn’t see any character development? And yeah just very mean and aggressive towards Ryen. They definitely had sexual tension (although it kind of came out of nowhere too) but I never got why she would like him, especially before she knew who he really was. I get their history but I still didn’t believe that they actually liked each other romantically.

And for Ryen idk😭 I usually support women’s rights AND wrongs and sometimes I love a messy female protagonist but I just couldn’t like her, she was just a bully and so was Misha. And yeah she kiinda redeemed herself at the end but yeah by that point I just didn’t care. Also why did she have to be pregnant in the epilogue? It’s so random when authors put that in an epilogue it literally ruined the story even more lol. And like I said I would not believe that they’re still together after 5 years because they didn’t seem to actually like each other. I’d believe that they liked each other while they were still writing letters but irl I didn’t see a connection except a sexual one, especially because Ryen didn’t even know who he was for ages.

And just generally they were extremely immature all the time. And yeah they’re 18 but then it’s weird to see them fucking the whole time when they’re acting like (violent lwhejs) 14 year olds.

Okay now an important point. I would feel very differently about this if it was like a dark romance or not even romance at all lol. But as far as I can tell it’s apparently a romance book. But it just isn’t lol. There were hardly any romantic moments in it. It was a badly written dark high school erotica at best and if it was marketed as that genre, I still wouldn’t have liked it a lot but I would be a lot less disappointed lol and yeah I think selling it as a romance book is just not appropriate and telling anyone that that’s a healthy romantic relationship is just not right lol. (I mean I guess in the book it was never claimed that it’s a healthy relationship lol like of course the characters are toxic but they never stopped being toxic? Like there was a bit of character development in Ryen but Misha was nothing but an asshole to her and everyone else (except that guy Manny? I think that was his name lol. Only character I liked😭😭)

Omg also I just remembered the amount of times Ryen was in Misha’s lap and they were lowkey making out in the lunch hall😭😭😭 why would an adult write that lol. Also literally every single scene in the school was so so unrealistic and cringe lol. And if people really act that way in school, why has no adult done anything about it??? Lmao

It also definitely did not pass the bechdel test loool. I understand women can be mean and I’m not saying Ryen should be friends with Layla or whatever her name was but I would have loved to see at least one nice woman or healthy female friendship. Or reconnecting with her sister. I know there was one sentence about how her sister doesn’t hate her anymore or something but come on 😭 give us something 😭. I’m concerned for Ryen because Misha’s not good for her and she doesn’t even have a female friend to be honest with her about it. Yeah there was Delilah but that’s not what I mean obviously. With the whole fitting in theme etc I think it would have been so important for us to see Ryen connect with another woman or at least not be a pick me (she wasn’t a pick me generally I guess but in that regard she was). (Female) friendships can be even more important than a “romantic” relationship so just because she has her toxic unlikeable misogynistic bully boyfriend she inexplicably likes now, doesn’t mean she’s gonna be happy forever.

I really wanted to like this book and I’m genuinely happy for the people who do but I just can’t see the appeal shsksj

BUT at the same time I did read all of it (although I was tempted to dnf at many points😭) within two days which is fast for me so it couldn’t have been all bad lol.

What do you think? 👀 lmk!! (Whether you agree or disagree with me lol I’d just love to hear what other people think!!!! <3)

#anon #punk 57 #this is obviously mostly subjective but yeah idk

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soramei · 3 years ago

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From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

��C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.

500 notes · View notes

arlert-angel · 4 years ago

Text

love fast, die young ☪

♡ jean x fem!reader

❥ you know that at any moment your life could be cut short as a scout, and the last thing you want is to die a virgin, so why not ask your best friend that you’re in love with for some help?

❥ wc: 5.8k

❥ cw: near death experience (reader), virgin!reader and virigin!jean, cannonverse but no plot, loss of virginity, slight size kink, cream pie, aftercare, fluff

❥ note: i was invested in the story of this one lol, it's a lot more romantic than i initially intended. they’re aged up, but the cannonverse details don’t make sense for the plot, so let’s pretend it does yay.

Arriving back from expeditions was always an exhausting feat within itself, sometimes more so than the actual expedition.

Commanding officers had to count their losses, healers had to tend to the wounded, and everyone who was good enough to stand had to report their kills and assists. Of course that was the immediate tasks that needed to take place, but then came the grief. Friends looked for one another, many people cried, and names could be heard shouted all around as everyone arrived at headquarters.

You weren't that different, but you were silent as you scanned the crowd looking for your tall best friend. You knew he was with the best of the best in Levi's squad, so you weren't too worried. However, you also knew the previous best had been wiped out before the new group came.

Anything could happen which made you all the more anxious.

You and Jean were not on the same squad. You first were offered a position on the Levi squad with the rest of your friends, but then Hange handed picked you to help them with their experiments, claiming they needed your mind to work with them. Hange is very likeable and now one of your closest friends, and at the time it seemed impossible to say no to them.

Hange's and Levi's squad tended to work together a lot and definitely trained together, so you didn't miss your friends too much. It was only when expeditions approached and new formations were made, when you had to be separated from the rest of your 104th pals.

You never complained about the separation. It wouldn't last forever, maybe a couple days at most, and then you return to laughing and working with the rest of your friends. You had no complaints until this particular expedition.

You had a close call.

In fact, so close, you might as well have kissed Death on the lips while you were so close to the afterlife.

The mission was going according to plan. It was a simple scouting mission in the mountains that were, for the most part, titan free. Your squad was on the left flank of the formation, near the edge of the mountains. The cliff sides surrounding you guys held a beautiful, yet slightly scary view. The drop had to be at least 300 feet.

You should've known something bad was going to happen as soon as Hange called out, "Hey, Y/N, check it out!" But you weren't thinking that hard, for the day had been so peaceful.

The path you all had taken was so close to the cliffs that the squad was riding single file for safety. There was enough room to pass one another, but you had to do so very carefully.

You rode ahead, passing Moblit. You sent him a questioning look as went by, but he only shrugged, not knowing what Hange was raving over. When you slid off your horse and next to Hange you saw what they did.

A very large cave.

"Should we go inside?" Hange looked at you, clearly excited, but it was an awful idea.

"No!" You tried to sound stern, knowing how they needed a firm rejection or they'd always get what they wanted, "Do you see the size of the thing? This looks like a comfy home for a 10 meter titan, maybe even 15 meter class if they hunched over."

"Do you think they'd crawl around in there?!" Their eyes widened and the familiar look that you've seen so many times on their face appeared. It was their usual expression they had when you conducted experiments with them. You swore to yourself how you fed their curiosity on accident.

"What's going on?" Moblit now arrived, wondering what the hold up was about.

"They want to go inside that death trap," You pointed at the ominous cavern in front of you all.

"You cannot be serious!" Moblit exclaimed in surprise, the volume echoing down the stone and dirt walls. Moblit continued his rant, stating the obvious, but you tuned their debate out. You just stared into what looked like an abyss.

There was no movement, no noise, not even the breeze seemed to reach here.

But for some reason you had a gut feeling. A gut feeling that saved all of your lives.

"Move!" You shoved Hange into Moblit which effectively knocked them both to the side of the cave and used your ODM gear to swing yourself to the opposite side.

The large hand reached out as you tried to get out of the way, but because you helped the others you weren't quick enough.

Luckily, the titan's grasp only managed to get tangled in your ODM wire and couldn’t quite reach your actual body.

Unluckily, the titan was managing to drag you like a ragdoll and if you didn't do anything quickly you would be engulfed in the darkness where it was hidden, and then probably engulfed in it’s stomach.

You had to think quick on your feet and so you drew your blades and slashed the wire on your gear all together. You could've attempted to slash at it's hands, but that was no guarantee. The wire was sliced with a clean snip.

Now you were free, you stumbled back at the loss of momentum. You took one two many steps back, and that last step didn't hit the gravely earth that the others had.

Your foot didn't hit anything at all.

You were about to fall off a cliff.

Ironic to escape death one way only to quite literally fall into its clutches another way.

But, you didn't fall.

Your eyes were squeezed shut in absolute terror, and when you opened them at the lack of free fall, you saw Hange.

They had managed to save you by the front of your shirt, yanking you back on solid ground. Moblit had been keeping the titan at bay, and continued to do so as you and everyone else turned their horses carefully around.

Thanks were shared by yourself, Hange, and Moblit at the different lucky saves. They praised your quick thinking and response. None of you actually saw the titan coming. You just knew. You seemed to recognize the familiar feeling of dread from the presence of a titan that wanted to eat you. Even if you couldn’t see it.

Hange continuously apologized on the way back, but it wasn’t really their fault. It’s not like you actually entered the cave like they wanted. And it was probably a good thing you guys stopped when you did. If the group rode past the cave something worse might have happened.

After that close call you wanted nothing more to find your best friend and have his familiar comfort.

"Y/N? Whatcha still doing out here?" You spun around quickly and saw Connie.

“Oh, hey! I’m just looking for Jean, have you seen him?” You didn’t want to panic, but it was weird to see Connie without Jean.

“Yeah! Mikasa killed this titan that had snuck up right above us and it’s blood got all over Jean it was so funny he screamed like a girl. But yeah, he went to the showers immediately,” Connie explained laughing at the memory. You laughed along and wished you could see it yourself.

“That’s funny, I should probably shower too, this mission felt particularly long,” You grumbled more to yourself than Connie, but he picked up on your off tone.

“Did something happen?” He asked genuinely concerned. You might’ve been closest to Jean, but Connie and Sasha were also very close to you. The four you always had the most fun together, and got in the most trouble.

“Kind of, a titan snuck up on us too, but we were near the cliffs so there wasn’t all lot of room to work with. I almost fell, but on the bright side I overcame my fear of heights,” You laughed, but it was more anxious than joyful.

“Oh shit, that’s awful!” Connie’s eyes widened in horror, “I'll tell Jean to come find you when I see him.”

“What why?”

“You were looking for him right? He’d definitely want to know that you’re okay after that. He worries a lot, you know? It’s always: I hope Y/N okay, where’s Hange’s squad again, I wish Y/N was here, Y/N would love this view. Someone has to tell him to shut up at least once every expedition.” Connie actually did an okay Jean impression as he ranted to you, but you didn’t comment on it.

You were too surprised. You didn’t know Jean worried about you. He never once came to you with any fears about expeditions. He always asked you what happened, but that’s just a normal conversation. It wasn’t too strange for someone’s best friend to think about them when apart. What was strange was the happy feeling you got knowing that Jean couldn’t shut up about you. A weird fluttery feeling danced in your stomach and you felt almost giddy.

Connie noticed your lack of response and noticeably paled.

“Fuck, wait, I didn’t tell you that! Jean’s gonna kill me, Y/N please don’t tell him I told you!” He grabbed onto you, begging. He shook you enough that it got you out of your confusing thoughts.

“Um, okay? I don't see what the big deal is. I think about Jean on expeditions too, that’s not weird right?” You smiled reassuringly and Connie’s whole body sagged in relief.

“Not at all! Have a nice shower!” Connie ran away, actually ran, trying to separate himself from that conversation. He thanked the Walls that you couldn’t read between the lines.

After that odd conversation you got a change of clothes and towel, and then headed towards the showers. You passed Sasha and Mikasa on the way in and they both gave you pleasant greetings, all parties glad to see each other alive and well.

You tried not to overthink, but the hot shower gave you all the time to do so.

Your thoughts jumped from almost dying, to Jean, to these overwhelming feelings you seemed to harbor.

You knew you loved Jean. You both even told each other sometimes. Your mind never wandered further than viewing Jean as your best friend only because you didn’t think that’s what he’d want.

When you first met Jean you had a small crush on him, admiring him from afar until Marco introduced the two of you. Once you grew closer and noticed his infatuation with Mikasa your feelings sizzled out in a bitter simmer. Your bitterness didn’t last long though, you were happy you had someone to rely on no matter what. After Marco passed, Jean was your crutch and vise versa. Romance would only make things confusing and besides you didn’t have any experience in the matter.

But now as you think more and more about him you wondered if those feelings ever went away. You thought about his laugh and stupid tone he gets when he tries to act cocky. You thought about his eyes and how pretty they look in the sunlight. You thought about his ability to read your mind without you having to tell him something’s wrong. He was your person.

You came to the conclusion that there definitely was something more than platonic there, but there was no certainty he felt the same. He would’ve said something by now. When he liked Mikasa he was so obvious, openly talking about her to everyone. You would’ve known something by now if it were the case, right? You knew he didn’t like Mikasa now, he told you explicitly for some reason, stating you needed to know. He also didn’t talk about liking anybody new.

Sighing in frustration, you turned off the shower, now squeaky clean. What was supposed to be a relaxing shower just stressed you out because of your stupid brain’s overthinking.

And it didn’t stop. As you dropped your messy uniform in the laundry, it reminded you of the day.

Today proved that any moment could be your last. Being in the scouts has always been dangerous, and you knew you were a disposable soldier. You didn’t mind it much, but now you realized how little you had experienced. You had never been drunk, your only kiss was with Marco in a game of truth or dare, and you were a virgin.

You didn’t want to die a virgin.

You thought of Jean. You wanted to be with him at least once before you died. You didn’t want to die without knowing how it felt to have everything with Jean. Your love for him definitely wasn’t platonic. You didn’t want to die without him knowing.

Your mind made up, you walked the halls with a little more determination than usual. You wandered around for only a couple minutes before running into Eren.

“Horseface is looking for you,” He pointed around the corner. You gave a quick thanks before quickly going in that direction only to collide with the person you were searching for.

“Y/N!” Jean surprised you by pulling you in a tight hug. As he pulled away he took note of the blush that was now on your cheeks, but didn’t comment. He also didn’t let you go completely, leaving his hands on your shoulders. Unable to help himself.

“Hey, I was looking for you,” You smiled genuinely, only slightly nervous now. Even with the giddiness he gave you, he still managed to calm you down.

“Me too, Connie said something happened with your squad, so I asked Hange about it and they told me everything,” His eyebrows were pulled into a worried furrow, “I wish you were in our squad.”

“Me too, but I like being with Hange too,” You stated honestly, “But it’s alright, everything worked out in the end.”

“Yeah, but you almost fell off a cliff! Y/N if I lost you I’d…” He cleared his throat before shaking himself out of his thoughts, “I’m just glad you’re okay. You said you were looking for me, what for?”

“Oh! Um…” You looked around and saw Eren eavesdropping blatantly with a knowing look, causing you to quickly turn back around, “Can I talk to you in my room about something?” You shift your weight from side to side, visibly jittery.

“Sure?” Jean was confused and noted you looked more flustered than before, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong like he usually could.

You walked side by side, passing Eren along the way who gave you both a smug wave. When Jean wasn’t looking you turned around and gave him the finger. The walk was silent and your hands brushed each other softly.

Once you were behind closed doors you felt yourself relax a little more. It was just Jean, you hyped yourself up. Even if he did reject you the worst thing that could happen is him make a stupid joke out of everything, but you doubt he would. You knew he at least respected you.

“So, what’s so serious that you needed to be away from nosy Yeager?” So he did see that ass listening, you thought.

“Well… You know about my close call today… It got me thinking,” You started safely.

“You can think? Like, there’s a brain in there?” Jean acted surprised and grabbed your head teasingly.

“Shut up,” You laughed and slapped his hands away before adding, “It’s serious.”

“Okay,” He took a seat on your bed comfortably, an action that was not unusual, you hung out in each other’s room all the time. He gave you his full attention, no longer joking around.

“I thought about how at any moment we can die, that sounds morbid, but it’s true. And then I thought about all the stuff I haven’t done and all the things I haven’t said,” You explained further, still not getting to the point.

“So, you want to make a bucket list?” Jean tilted his head, trying to follow, “That’d be fun.”

“No,” You rolled your eyes lovingly, “I, more specifically, thought about all the stuff we haven’t done together.”

“Oh, you want to make a bucket list together!” Jean perked up.

“Jean stop trying to guess and let me explain,” You laughed and he complied, pretending to zip his lips shut.

“Jean,” You approached the man, invading his personal space, “I don’t want to die a virgin, do you?”

“No…” Jean blushed at the sudden topic change, wondering why on earth you were bringing that up right now.

“And… I love you, and I know you'd treat me right,” You cupped his cheeks in your hands. You were standing in between his legs now, him leaning back on his hands looking up at you. He was tall, so he didn’t have to tilt his neck that much.

“I love you too, what are you going on about?” His face was drawn in clear confusion, a cute expression, if he wasn’t being so frustrating.

“No, Jean,” You leaned impossibly close, your face right in front of his, “I’m in love with you.”

Then you boldly straddled him before you planted your lips on him.

You were shy, unsure if he would reciprocate the kiss, and it seemed like he wasn’t. You panicked instantly. Your heart was pounding and you pulled away. You were terrified you screwed everything up. You looked at him and he seemed to be frozen.

“Jean?” You worriedly looked at your catatonic friend whose eyes were wide in shock, “I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me!” You began to try to climb off him, but his hands shot to your hips, holding you in place.

“Y/N, you’re in love with me?” He still seemed to be stunned, or maybe he didn’t believe you, but he held your gaze with serious eyes.

“Yes,” You made sure to keep eye contact despite the heat that rose to your cheeks, to make sure he knew you were dead serious.

“Good,” One of his hands left your hips to your cheek. He guided your mouth back to his.

He was kissing you. He was actually kissing you. It was slow and sweet at first. He stroked your cheek lovingly and your lips slowly moved in sync. It was when you repositioned yourself on his lap, accidently grinding into him, when the kisses started to become more feverish. He groaned into your mouth and the hand left your face and found it’s new home on your ass. He squeezed it harshly, making you gasp. He took the opportunity to introduce his tongue to yours. He surprised you when he sucked on your tongue, making a small whimper escape you.

Jean pulled away, taking in your flustered state with blown pupils of his own. Both of your lips were swollen and you both needed to catch your breath.

“I love you too, you know?” Jean pushed some of your hair out of your face with a soft smile, “I figured you didn’t feel the same and wanted to just be friends, so I didn’t say anything.”

“I thought the same, or that you might still like Mikasa,” You admitted shyly, looking down where your bodies met.

“Hey,” He tilted your chin so you held eye contact again, “That was a stupid crush when I was kid, and I told you that ended a long time ago, didn't I? I’m in love with you.”

“We were so stupid keeping it to ourselves,” You laughed and Jean openly admired you in what looked like awe. His gaze made you feel bashful, almost wanting to hide your face with your hands.

“We were, I could have been kissing you so much sooner,” Jean mumbled, already leaning back to you. This time when your lips met your tongues danced together immediately. You knew Jean also didn't have much experience, but with the way he kissed it seemed like he did.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jean pulled away only for a moment to ask before returning right back to your lips.

You pulled away, trying to decipher what he was referring to. "Wha–" Your breath hitched when you felt Jean kiss your pulse on your neck. He began sucking on a particular spot that made you moan, surprising both of you.

"You're so beautiful," He commented then explained, "Did you mean what you said about that virgin stuff?" He seemed shy all of sudden, his hands were sliding from your hips to your thighs, almost like he was trying to soothe himself.

"I meant every word," You said honestly, "I want to experience all of you."

"God," Jean seemed to like that statement, "I don't know what I'm doing, so just know I'm learning as I go. Just tell me what you like and don't like."

"Of course," You gave him a reassuring smile, "I'm not worried, I trust you."

"Good," He said again before spinning you around and lightly throwing you on your bed. He hovered over you, not putting much, if any weight on you. He resumed the make out session, but this time letting his hands wander.

He first tugged at your shirt, which you helped him quickly pull over your head. You hadn't worn a bra, assuming your plans for this evening were eating then just passing out.

Jean seemed to drink your body in, just staring in lust and awe.

"You can touch me," You tried to sound reassuring, but it sounded more like a beg.

Jean took your breasts in his large hands and just felt you. You almost laughed at how mesmerized he looked, but that was when he latched his mouth on your nipple. That action seemed to send a current of electricity straight to the heat in between your legs. You arched your back and let out a surprised moan which made Jean quickly pull away.

"Did I hurt you?" He looked scared.

"No, it feels good," You murmured as you unconsciously rolled your hips wanting friction.

"Oh, that's good," He shot you a grin before throwing his own shirt to the side. He went back to kissing your chest, this time his hand tweaked the nipple he wasn't sucking on, causing even more pleasure. You bit your lip only letting out whimpers, a little embarrassed of moaning so loudly again.

"J-Jean," You stuttered out, gripping his broad shoulders.

"Hmm?" He hummed, he had been having fun leaving purple marks across your tits.

"I-I need…" You didn't finish.

"What do you need, princess?" He asked genuinely, but his deep tone sent shivers down your spine.

"More, I don't know," You admitted.

"Okay, don't worry," He gave you a peck, "I'll take care of you."

He began taking off your pants, helping you get them off your ankles. He stood to take off his own pants as you admired him. His body was so toned from the life of being a soldier. As you took him all in your eyes landed on the bulge that was very prominent in his briefs and for the first time you felt nerves about having sex with him.

"Jean, how the hell is that supposed to fit in me?" You didn't even see it out of it's cage, you couldn't imagine that monster in action.

"It has to fit right? People have sex all the time," Jean looked down at his own dick before looking at your panties with a frown, "I'll make sure to stretch you out with my fingers to help."

"What do you mean?" You blushed as Jean returned his body on top of you, giving you warmth again. This time putting a little more weight than last time. You could feel his restrained cock against you this time.

"You know, fingering, you've done it to yourself before right?" Jean asked curiously.

"I've tried, but I couldn't reach any particular spots that made me feel good, so I mostly just got off with my clit," You explained, a little embarrassed.

"Well, I have long fingers," Jean began to slip off your last item of clothing. You gulped nervously, you now were exposed completely to him.

"So pretty, and you're wet," He groaned and looked back up to you, "Open your mouth."

You almost asked why, but you didn't want to kill the mood, so you complied. Jean slid two fingers into your mouth and you got the message. You wrapped your lips around his fingers and hollowed your cheeks, sucking on them.

"Fuck," He sighed out and you felt him twitch against you.

He pulled his fingers out and moved them back between your legs. He first slowly thrusted one finger inside you, to get you used to the unfamiliar feeling. The stretch wasn't too painful, and he was definitely right. His fingers were longer.

He moved the one finger in and out of you slowly at first, picking up the pace as he continued. When he felt you relax completely he added a second finger. This time the stretch was a little more, making you tense.

"You're so tight," Jean was watching your pussy in wonder and slid his body down, so his face was near it.

"What are you– Oh my God," Jean's lips sucked on your clit softly, then continuously kitten licked it, all while maintaining his finger thrusts.

"You taste good," Jean said it so casually, you'd think he was talking about the weather. He removed his fingers for a moment to get a better taste. He kissed you directly on your cunt before penetrating you with his tongue. He moaned against you, sending vibrations into you. You tried to unconsciously escape the pleasure, your thighs attempting to close, but Jean's large hands held you down.

He returned his fingers inside you and this time adding a third. It stung more than before, but Jean's mouth on your clit made you forget all about the uncomfortableness. He began curling his fingers inside you reaching a spot that instantly had a knot forming in your stomach. Your hands shot around you, one gripping the sheets and the other in Jean's hair.

He latched onto clit again and you gave up on trying to quiet your moans, embarrassment be damned, it felt too good.

"Jean," You moaned his name, which only made him moan back in return, "I-I'm going to…" You whined a little, not quite there yet, but right on the edge.

"You're going to cum?" Jean asked, not even completely pulled away from your clit to do so, "Go ahead and cum on my fingers, baby." He quickened his strokes and returned to your clit. It was just enough to send you over.

You grinded into his hand and cried out. Jean moaned too as if he was being pleasured just at the sight of you or maybe it was because of the sensation of your tight pussy clamping around his fingers. He couldn't help himself and licked up some of your release, making you jump.

He moved back up to you with a content smile, "Did that feel good?"

"Yeah," You smiled back through half lidded eyes, still buzzing from the pleasure.

He gave you a deep kiss and you could taste yourself on him. Tasting your own saccharine flavor was strangely erotic.

Jean pulled away, "Is it alright if I take my cock out?" He asked beforehand just in case you changed your mind.

"Yeah, of course, I want to see the monster that's going to destroy me," You joked and earned yourself a cocky smirk.

Jean took off the only clothing that was separating the two of you. You glanced down and saw his size more visibly now. You were right to be intimidated before, he was huge. Jean seemed to take note of your apprehensive expression so he returned to giving you some kisses in order to soothe you.

“We’ll take it slow and if it’s too much just tell me,” Jean assured you which helped calm you down.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Your eyes met as he began to rub the head up and down between your folds, collecting its wetness. He rubbed it over your clit and back down, making you feel particularly tingly. When he started pushing the head inside you had to remind yourself to not tense up, but it was hard. He was stretching a lot more than his fingers did. His cock added an unfamiliar pressure inside you that his fingers didn’t.

“God, that’s just the head and you're already squeezing me,” Jean threw his head back trying to regain composure. It was also his first time and he did not want to embarrass himself by finishing quickly. Also the gentlemen inside him wanted to feel you cum around him first.

He slowly continued to push further in as you grabbed his arms to brace yourself. When he finally bottomed out you swore you could see the bulge on your tummy. He kept still and waited for you to give him the go ahead even though he had the incredible urge to just thrust forward.

“You alright?” Jean's voice was more strained than usual.

“Yeah, why the fuck you gotta be so big, Jean,” Which only made Jean smile and give an apology kiss. You took a few more moments getting used to the stretch when the pleasure overtook the pain. You felt the veins on his cock inside you. You felt so full, but so good. You grinded into him trying to feel more and Jean noticed.

“I’m going to start moving now,” Jean warned and began pulling back before snapping his hips forward. You both cried out how he filled you up, your walls fluttering around him.

The pace was unrushed and steady to begin with. He withdrew his cock only to plunge it back into you, hitting you deep, in a repetitive matter. You felt the pleasure everywhere, all the way in your toes.

You started meeting his thrusts, moving your hips in order to do so. Jean hitched your leg higher which only made you feel him deeper, hitting a sweet spot that caused you to gasp.

“You can go faster,” You said breathlessly, “Please, Jean, it feels so good.”

“Fuck,” Jean moaned back, his slow deep thrusts turned into a quick pounding. He continuously hit that new spot every time. Your whimpers turned into uncontrollable moans. Not wanting to make too much noise you buried yourself into the crook of his neck, sucking and biting his skin.

You briefly looked down where your bodies met and saw him pumping out of you, your slick covering his cock and your thighs. The sight made your eyes roll back into your head.

“Please,” You moaned into Jean who brought his hand to your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Please, what? What do you want, princess?” He grunted a bit after, not once did he lose his pace.

“I want… Ah… Please, I don’t know,” You felt like you could cry, you were right on the edge. You didn’t know what you needed, but you felt too good to try to figure it out. You figured he was close too by the way he was twitching inside your pussy and his thrusts became a little more desperate.

“Open,” Jean brought his fingers back to your mouth, groaning at the sensation. He kept them there for a few more moments than necessary, just enjoying the way you looked with your pretty lips wrapped around him.

Then he brought them between your legs and began rubbing your clit at the same pace he was thrusting into you.

“J-Jean, I’m gonna cum,” You grabbed his wrist, almost overwhelmed by the feeling.

You cried out his name as your pussy milked him, triggering his own release. He groaned your name as he came. You felt the warmth of him spill deep inside you and it made your pussy tremble all the more. He gave a few final thrusts before slumping on top of you.

“Look at me while you cum, princess, come on, cum on my cock,” He encouraged you. You held eye contact for as long as you could, but when that coil in your tummy snapped you had to squeeze your eyes shut in absolute bliss.

“We definitely should’ve done that sooner,” He mumbled into your hair, making you giggle.

“Definitely,” You echoed back.

He slid out of you after that, making both of your bodies shudder at the loss of connection. You pussy still trying to pulse around something.

“I just showered,” You commented with a frown, looking at the mess between your legs.

“I’ll go get a towel?” Jean offered, and you gave him a nod. He redressed quickly, kissed you deeply, then stated he would be back soon.

You threw your shirt back on while you waited. You felt so sleepy after that. Even though you wanted to feel clean, you wished you cuddled with Jean some more, already missing him.

After a couple more minutes the silence was broken.

“I knew it!” You heard Eren’s familiar voice shout from outside your door and you sat up confused.

“Shut the fuck up before I hit you!” You heard Jean’s voice shout back and then a few more quieter exchanges that you couldn’t make out from the two men. Then your door opened fast, Jean slipping quickly inside, locking it behind him. In one hand he had a warm towel and in the other he had a new set of sheets.

“What happened?” You pointed at the door and Jean scowled.

“Apparently those assholes bet on when we’d finally hook up,” Jean explained before cleaning you up. You blushed as he took care of you. Despite what just took place you still felt embarrassed. Jean noticed and just pecked your cheeks.

“That’s kind of funny, we should’ve placed our own bets,” You hummed and stood shakily, grabbing a new pair of underwear as Jean changed your sheets for you.

“I can’t believe Eren won,” Jean frowned, but when your arms wrapped around him from behind he couldn’t help but smile.

“Will you stay with me? I kind of want to nap,” You mumbled into his back.

“Of course,” You both returned to your bed this time with more innocent intentions.

Jean laid on his back and you threw your arm around his chest and your leg over his, snuggling up into his side.

“I don’t want to die,” You murmured sleepily.

“You won’t,” Jean stated firmly.

“How do you know?” You looked up at him.

“Because we both have something to live for,” He met your gaze softly, before kissing your head again.

You told each other you loved another once again before you both fell asleep. It was a sleep where neither of you had the common nightmare about your untimely deaths.

Instead it was a sleep where you both dreamt of the future you now could have with one another.

#this was so much more fluff than i wanted lol #aot smut #aot #aot jean #jean x reader #jean kirschstein #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein smut #attack on titan #mikasa ackerman #hange zoe #aot eren #eren aot #connie springer #arlert angel

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titan-fodder · 3 years ago

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Find a Way Chapter 6

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Rating: M (mature; mdni)

Count: ~7.4k

Tags/Warnings: alcohol, ruthless teasing, daddy, awkward interactions, Erwin (is his own warning), general shyness and vulnerability

A/N: buckle up, it’s about to get heated. thanks for waiting, and don’t worry; there’s still much more to come. enjoy~

It feels like headway is being made in terms of spending time outside of the sandwich shop and bar you work at, but Miche can't help but think these are still the settings in which he gets to know you best, either having the excuse to fire questions back and forth or able to watch you work and interact with the people at Marley’s.

Tonight finds the two of you at the bar once again, only it’s a little different than usual. For one, you’re not actually on the schedule, free to mill about the establishment as you please. Two, you are free to drink. Quite literally.

Reiner (Miche is pretty sure now that's his name) makes you whatever you want whenever you want it, and Miche has to hand it to you, you pace yourself better than most twenty-somethings (definitely better than he ever did). You down water between mixed drinks, eat a little bit here and there, and even turn down some of the shots customers offer to buy you.

That doesn't mean you're sober, though. Miche is willing to bet you're at least tipsy as you lean over the bartop, saying something to your co-worker, the tall brunet—Bert?—that makes him splutter and quickly turn away.

Reiner slides you another drink, you blow him a kiss, and then you make your way back over to the little table Miche secured some time ago, straw between your lips, eyes locked on his the entire time it takes you to get from the counter to your chair.

You're a little off tonight, though not in a bad way. It's your attitude, your energy. Miche is used to your teasing and overall playful nature, but tonight, your eyes are brighter and your tongue is looser.

"Love those dudes so much," you announce, glancing over your shoulder at your coworkers, Bert dancing back and forth as Reiner tries to swat him with his towel.

"Yeah, they seem nice," Miche comments.

He isn't especially familiar with any of your friends, but what he knows of them, he appreciates. Reiner and his boyfriend watch out for your safety, and Bert and Annie pick up your shifts when you're too drained from school. They all seem like a good support system which is necessary for someone with an extraordinary amount of pressure sitting on their shoulders. Miche wouldn't have made it through med school if it weren't for Erwin, Nile, and Hange, would have probably flunked out first semester if he's being honest.

"One day you'll meet everyone else," you tell him. "I want you to meet everyone else—Sasha and Hitch and Jean and Marco. The whole crew."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do if they don't like me?" He's kidding, fairly confident in his ability to charm a group of students, but he's still curious about your answer.

You make a noise that sounds a lot like blowing raspberries, waving a hand as you do. "Impossible. You're very likeable, Miche. Too likeable, I daresay."

"That so?"

"Mhmmm. I mean, I like you, and I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. Most of the time."

He chuckles, not much else he can do. "I'm glad to hear it."

You rest your cheek in your hand, searching for the straw underneath your mouth and having just enough trouble finding it to make Miche snort into his soda. After pouting for a couple seconds, though, you move on.

"Tell me about your day."

He takes a sip from his glass then leans back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head.

"Nothing too interesting, just consults all day. Expectant mothers and a couple newborn checkups."

You hum, blinking slowly from across the table, and Miche has a feeling you want him to elaborate.

"One of the babies that came in today has a cleft palate, so we ended up scheduling his surgery."

"Oh, good!"

"Yeah, he's already a handsome little guy, but getting it repaired early on will lessen the likelihood of a big scar."

"He'll appreciate that when he's older."

You tell him about Jean wanting to specialize in plastic surgery, so, "He'll probably do a lot of those. That and boob jobs."

"Oh, most definitely. That's what Nile wanted to go into, but it was for all the wrong reasons." Miche has to laugh again. "It's a good thing he went into teaching instead. I have no doubt he'd have at least one malpractice suit lodged against him by now. At least."

Your face twists into a sour expression as you realize just what Miche is insinuating.

"Okay, ew. Did not wanna know that about my fucking professor, so thanks."

"I'm just saying. He can be a smarmy guy. He's probably stared at your—"

He stops himself right there, alarmed that he let himself even start that thought. Implying Nile has looked at your chest indirectly implies that Miche has too, and he can't have that, can't have you thinking he's some kind of pervert checking you out all the time. He has before—of course he has—but that doesn't mean he wants you to know about it because he's already ashamed as it is, and—

"Miche."

His wide eyes refocus to find you still sipping your drink, looking at him in question.

"You okay there? Look like you're about to stroke out or something."

"I'm fine. Just—"

"Thinkin' about my boobs?"

He nearly falls out of his chair, having to lean forward again and plant both feet on the ground, suddenly lightheaded as all his blood gathers in his cheeks rather than doing its job and oxygenating his whole body.

"Christ, no."

"I mean, they're nice boobs, it's okay," you giggle, glancing down at your own chest, covered by a tight little t-shirt, and fuck, now you're making him look. "I'm pretty fond of them myself, so like, can't really blame you."

Dragging a hand down his face, Miche tells you plainly, "You're killin' me here."

Sticking your tongue out between your teeth, you wink, then polish off your glass and stand up.

He assumes you'll wander back to the bar, order another fruity cocktail or maybe a water.

But no. You round the table, fingers gliding over the laminated wood as you go, and all Miche can do is watch until you stop right next to him and seat yourself right in his fucking lap.

His jaw drops, breath catching in his throat, and fuck, your hands are on his shoulders, and you're licking your lips, and uttering just loud enough to hear, "So, I've been meaning to talk to you about somethin' these past couple days?"

Miche's voice cracks when he replies, "What is it?" like he's suddenly going through puberty again. He doesn't quite know what to do with his arms and legs, scared that if he resituates himself in his chair, it'll cause you to rub against him, and that'll just be too much for him to handle right now.

Years ago, something like this wouldn't have fazed him much. He's had girlfriends, had flings, got used to women hitting on him in college which is good because now he knows how to keep a straight face when they do it in the workplace.

But, something about you, all flirty and bold, it's making Miche feel things he hasn't in a long time.

Then again, that's really how this all started, you sparking something inside of him that very first night and then stoking tiny flames when he had run into you again here.

So far, it's all been about remembering what it's like to develop feelings—real feelings—for someone, getting used to that fluttery sensation in his stomach and not being able to keep from smiling when he sees your name on his phone. That's what he's been focused on.

But right now, in this moment, he's trying very hard to focus on what is happening in his pants. Trying to keep it from happening.

"Mhm," you nod, your fingers sliding to the back of his neck and stroking just under his hairline.

If you're not careful…

No. No. He is an adult. He can handle this. He's not some little college boy with no self control.

Taking a deep breath, Miche sets his jaw. He does give himself the grace to set his hands on your hips, but once there, he doesn't move them, not so much as a twitch that could be construed as sensual.

"Go on, then."

So close to him, he can see the way your eyelashes fan over your cheeks every time you blink, how your lips part and your nostrils flare ever so slightly.

"So, um," you swallow, and for the first time tonight, the boldness fades quickly into shyness. "You've been great these last few months. Like, incredible. In so many different ways, and um…"

Miche waits patiently, not wanting to interrupt and ruin whatever little speech your beautiful, intoxicated brain has stewing in it.

"Well, you know, you've been helping so much—buying me things and helping me study, keeping me fed," you emphasize the last part, and Miche has to laugh.

"Couldn't just let you starve."

"No, I know, I know, just um…" You shift in his lap, getting impossibly closer, almost conspiratorial, and it has Miche biting back a groan. "Anyway, what I'm tryin' to say is that it's all kinda one-sided, don't ya' think?"

Frowning, Miche begins to shake his head, but the fingertips pressing into the back of his neck stop him.

"I wanna make it up to you somehow."

He has a pretty good idea of where this is going, and the thought alone makes his entire body heat up, but—

"You don't have to do anything," he sighs. "Just keep studying and pass your classes, and I'll be happy."

The noise of dissatisfaction that's pushed from your throat is adorable, but Miche knows better than to say so.

"Okay, but maybe I'm not happy," you pout. "Maybe I wanna change our arrangement."

"Arrangement, huh?"

"Is'at not what it is? Some unspoken agreement to let you take care of me?"

Mouth starting to run dry, Miche does his best to shrug, his grip on your waist tightening against his will.

"If that's what you want to call it—"

"I don't know what else to call it. Unless—" You're eyes flash, and Miche's stomach sinks and flips at the same time because that look, the way your lips are curling, you're about to do or say something that's going to unravel him.

"Unless what?"

Your sing-song giggle sounds anything but innocent, and Miche finds out why when you lean in closer to talk into his ear, secretive and sultry when you finish, "Unless you want me to start telling people you're my sugar daddy."

There's no tickle in his throat, but Miche still finds himself coughing, lungs tight, pants tighter, and he knows you can see his blush. Fuck, you can probably feel the warmth radiating from him.

"Is'at what you want me to call you?" You tease, tacking on another, "Daddy?" and this time Miche does groan, aroused and surprised by it because that's never been a thing for him, but coming from you, doe-eyed and devious, the weight of you in his lap, the press of you against his body…

It seems he's discovered something new about himself tonight.

He is a grown man, though. He recognizes what's happening, can acknowledge the fact that his control is slipping, and knows he needs to remedy that. Quickly.

Red faced and undeniably hard at this point, Miche sighs. It's still difficult to get his thoughts straight, but as he takes in your face, the hopeful look on it, the desperation to please, he knows what he has to do.

"You're drunk."

Leaning back, your hands fall lightly to his collarbones, and Miche thinks he sees a little bit of the heady fog in your gaze evaporate.

"I'm… flattered," he continues. "And, I don't want you to take this as a—a rejection, but I can't in good conscience let you make this offer and let myself enjoy—" he vaguely gesticulates at your body and his, "—this, enjoy you, while knowing you're not sober."

"But…"

Miche smiles, takes your face in his hands and brings it forward so that he can brush his lips over your forehead.

"How about we just revisit the conversation when you're not five drinks in, okay?"

Your chest heaves with a deep breath, and for a moment, he thinks you're going to try to argue with him, but all you do is nod and fall forward, resting your face in the crook of his neck and giving him goosebumps.

"Hey, Miche?" You mumble, and he can feel all three syllables against his skin.

"Hm?"

"Can we go back to your loft?"

It makes him pause for a second, Miche wondering if you're deciding to ignore everything he's just said to you, but he understands once you elaborate.

"Wanna sleep in your bed again."

He chuckles, rubbing your back. "Yeah, sure."

"Thanks," you sigh against him. "Daddy."

Miche's head falls to your shoulder, nothing left to defend himself other than an exasperated, "Fucking tease," that makes you laugh.

There's a weight spanning the length of your back, warm but not overwhelming. Still, it makes you stiffen, eyes suddenly wide open until you realize where you are—green blankets, brick walls, sun shining through the window—and recognize the weight over you as a very large dog.

Minnie.

A rustling further up makes you turn your head and, to your surprise, you find Remy curled up on one of Miche’s pillows, yawning and blinking dark sleepy eyes at you.

“And, just where did you come from?” You ask like he can reply.

Miche must have gone and picked him up which is just… so, incredibly heartwarming, even if it does mean he was in your apartment without you there. The fact that he not only thought of your little boy but put forth the effort to go get him—he’s just so good, taking care of Remy and taking care of you—

Sitting upright, you swear under your breath, everything from the night before rushing back, some good, most bad, and Jesus Christ, why couldn’t you have gotten drunk enough to have just blacked out? At least then if you’d made a fool of yourself, you wouldn’t be able to recall any of it.

Pressing your palms against your eyes, you try to steady your breathing, not that it works.

You came onto him. Strongly. You—oh, god, you called him daddy, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you?

The pressure in your chest feels like it could be either a laugh or a sob, little pinpricks of heat dancing up your neck as you experience the embarrassment you apparently failed to the night before.

How are you supposed to face him? How are you supposed to look him in the eye? There’s no question; you have to find a way because you need to fucking apologize after putting him in such an awkward position. You can’t even begin to imagine what must have been going through his head, how desperate you must have looked.

If you could just go back in time, shake yourself out of it, tell yourself, ‘hm, maybe getting drunk around this guy you have a massive crush on isn’t the best idea’.

Too late now.

Falling back into the bedding, you stare at the ceiling as you sift through the memories, how nice Miche had been about it, gentle even as he turned you down, probably feeling sorry for you.

He did say you could revisit the conversation, you muse, but you don’t think you have the lady balls for that, hence being drunk while bringing it up in the first place.

And again, your mind supplies another argument. Miche wasn’t exactly unaffected by what you had to say, or maybe it was how you said it, in his lap, speaking in his ear. If you think about it enough, you can still remember the heat that coursed through you when you felt his cock grow hard beneath you.

A natural bodily reaction. Of course he’d get aroused. The problem here is that he didn’t want to be, just wanted to hang out and talk, and you just had to go and throw yourself at him.

You go back and forth like this for a while, the dogs trying to snooze but obviously unable to as you keep them awake with all the nervous energy pouring from you, and when you hear the door open and close downstairs, your stomach sinks even further.

Voices carry upward, one you easily recognize as Miche’s, the other unfamiliar. It’s deep, rich with a sort of refined accent, sounds like someone who spent much of their life in country clubs or something of the like. It’s obviously one of Miche’s friends. The question is which one. Also, if they’re going to leave soon or if you’re gonna have to meet them right in the middle of your existential crisis.

A loud laugh rings out, startling both you and the dogs, and you hear Miche shush whoever it is through his own chuckle, “Dude, quiet, she’s still sleeping.”

With a deep sigh, you throw an arm over your face then call out a muffled, “No’m not.”

“Oh,” Miche hums, then, “Sorry.”

After a three second pep talk (come on, you can do this, get up and do this, you got this), you swing your legs over the side of the bed, noting your attire—plaid boxers and a large orange t-shirt, the image of what you’re pretty sure is a wizard faded almost beyond real recognition. You can barely make out the upside down lettering underneath—Dungeons & Dragons—but once translated, you shake your head. Fucking nerd.

For a while, you just sit at the edge of the bed, contemplating if it’s even worth changing to go downstairs. Miche has probably filled in whoever it is down there with him, so their expectations of you can’t be that high, but at the very least, you should tame your hair and brush your teeth. At the very least.

The ensuite bathroom is open, and when you turn the light on and glance at the counter, you break into a grin at the sight of your own hairbrush, toothbrush, deodorant, and perfume. He didn’t just grab Remy from your apartment, it seems. Everything here in front of you was in plain view of anyone who peeked into your bathroom, and boy, are you glad Miche did.

After making yourself somewhat presentable, you change back into your shorts from the night before but refuse to ditch the insanely comfortable, insanely geeky shirt, and pad down the staircase, Remy and Minnie hot on your heels.

They’re on the couch, two heads swiveling toward you and making you stop in your tracks. Miche grins immediately, something you do not understand because he really should be upset with you, definitely should not be caring for you as he apparently has been over the course of the night.

A couple cushions over, a man you do, in fact, recognize stands up and makes his way over to you. Golden hair, deep blue eyes, perfect smile. Yeah, you’ve seen pictures of this one.

“Hello, I’m—”

“Erwin,” you finish with a nod, holding your hand out. “Miche’s told me about you some.”

“All good things, I hope,” he says, that smile only widening.

It truly has been all good things, even the silly stories from med school and intern year. Apparently, Erwin used to be a lampshade drunk, and knowing that makes him slightly less intimidating as you shake his hand.

Because he's still impressive, a cardiothoracic surgeon, if you're not mistaken, and you—you are a baby in comparison.

"Not a bad bone in your body, the way he talks about you," you say, causing both Erwin and Miche to chuckle.

After a short introduction of your own, you let your eyes flick to the couch where Miche is sitting, Remy in his lap now, enjoying the fingers scratching behind his floppy ears.

"Hey, thanks for getting him last night. I didn't even hear you."

"Yeah, probably 'cause you were dead to the world as soon as you laid down."

A good thing, you think. Being asleep means you weren't able to humiliate yourself any more than you already had. Being asleep means being safe. In this instance, anyway.

“Was I snoring?”

Miche smirks. “You really want me to answer that?”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, remind yourself that snoring is still better than humping his god damn leg, then shuffle into the kitchen for a glass of water. It takes you a second to find the right cabinet, and when you do, you have to stand on your tiptoes to actually reach a cup, but you manage to retrieve one.

“Tylenol is in the cabinet over the stove and to the right,” Miche calls out.

“I’m not hungover,” you laugh, pacing back out to join the two men. “Just thirsty.”

Erwin mumbles something suspiciously close to, “I bet you are,” but you’re okay with brushing it off, surely your ears deceive you. Miche, however, decides to kick his friend hard in the shin, only confirming the fact that yes—yes, that is exactly what just came out of this near stranger’s mouth, and yes, he meant it exactly the way you’re taking it.

You’re not gonna falter, though, not gonna let it get to you. Channel the bad bitch. Be the bad bitch. Don’t let him scare you away.

Locking eyes with Erwin, you remain straight faced as you take a long sip from your cup, letting out a satisfied, “Ah,” once you swallow. You won’t be the first to break, won’t be the first to look away, don’t even want to blink until Erwin finally starts laughing.

Turning to look at Miche, he mumbles something much quieter this time, making the other scoff before Miche levels his gaze at you, green and bright and just barely shining with something like irritation.

“Please just ignore him.”

Erwin snorts. “Good luck trying.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s—Anyway, um, you guys look like you’re about to do something or… something—”

“Game’s coming on in a little bit,” Miche supplies.

“Okay yeah, so I can just, like, get outta your hair.” Please, please let me get out of your hair. You are more than ready to disappear, only able to keep up the tough girl facade for maybe two minutes max.

Miche pushes himself off the couch after depositing Remy into Erwin’s lap, taking one long stride over to you, and you can’t stop yourself from leaning back just a little because he’s so tall and so gorgeous as he tilts his head down to look at you—you cannot believe you did what you did last night, your inner monologue turning to utter nonsense the longer you stare at him.

“Okay, so I can definitely drop you back off if you want,” he opens, and when his hands land on your shoulders, you gaze up at him in what just might be awe, fixating on the way his lips pull up on one side. Then, he’s turning you around and leading you closer to the front door where you see your backpack carefully perched on a low shelf. “Or, you can stay here for a while longer and let Erwin and me bother you until you can’t stand it anymore.”

“Fuck, what all did you grab from my apartment?” You laugh, focusing on that, otherwise you might scream because he is so cute, how can he be so fucking cute?

“Just what I thought you might need to spend the day here.”

You click your tongue, thinking for a moment. You don’t have class due to a professor being out sick (how dare he, if he had just not fallen ill, you wouldn’t have been drinking last night in the first place), but you do have a study session with your friends later this evening, probably at the usual coffee shop where you push two tables together and cover them with laptops and print-outs and spiral notebooks, ordering one tea after another or, if you’re feeling particularly tired, one espresso shot after another.

But oh, it’s so hard to say no to Miche when he’s looking at you the way he is, eyes the color of bubbling seafoam, hopeful, dancing with something you can’t place, and why—why does he want to keep you around? How is he not offended or disgusted with you? Why hadn’t he just left you at your own home instead of bringing you here last night?

“Okay, yeah,” you sigh, having to look away before you get completely lost in him. “But, I have to meet Jean and Marco and them at six tonight.”

“That’s fine. I can get you back by then.”

You grab your backpack, hauling it over to the couch but dropping to the ground right behind the little coffee table. You feel Miche sit behind you, to the side but still close enough that his calf brushes your arm. It’s stupid to try to study. You know you won’t get anywhere, but maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to retain something you haven’t yet.

Laptop open with a PowerPoint pulled up, blank notecards in front of you, you start scribbling away. You’re maybe four minutes in when you hear Erwin question, “Etiology, huh?”

You only respond with a short, “Yep,” intent on staying at least halfway focused.

“I remember those days,” he continues to muse.

Thankfully, Miche seems to either read your mind or body language and picks up where you can’t. “You want to help her out then?”

“Didn’t say that,” the other man laughs.

“Then let her study.”

Craning your neck, you look just far enough over your shoulder to see Miche wink at you and feel your entire body grow lighter. So, that’s what swooning feels like.

“Okay, okay, sorry, my god.”

And, you’re left alone for a while, unperturbed until the game they’ve been waiting for comes on. They don’t do anything on purpose, but anytime a team scores (which is not often), they both move and make noise. You’re too aware of the way Miche’s body tenses and relaxes, and somewhere along the way you start to lean against his leg more than simply sit beside it.

Erwin orders takeout for the three of you, and when it arrives, Miche gets up from the couch, fingers brushing the crown of your head as he does, and that shouldn’t make you shiver, but it does, makes you stare after him and release a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding this whole time. Somewhere off to your left, Erwin snickers, but he doesn’t say anything, and that’s really all you can ask for at this point.

Another PowerPoint and a belly full of Chinese food later, you start packing your things up. Time went by surprisingly quickly, either because you actually managed to get caught up in the material or because time always seems to move faster when you’re around Miche.

After sliding your notes and laptop into your backpack, you go back upstairs to gather the other things Miche had brought to the loft for you, remembering at the last second to change back into your own shirt. It all worked out well considering when you get back to the den, the game seems to be over, Miche and Erwin both with smiles on their faces.

“Did we win at sportsball?” You joke, laughing in your throat when Erwin gawks at you. “Just kidding. I know it was Soccer.”

“Yes, we won,” Miche answers. “And, by we, I mean Liverpool.”

“Well, good for… Us. I guess.”

The three of you actually walk out together, Remy hopping in his harness as he goes. Erwin stops at the side of the road right next to a vintage Shelby Mustang, unlocking the door but only leaning against it. Before he can say whatever he’s about to, you turn to Miche, motioning toward the car and asking, “Okay, why can’t you have a car like that?”

Both of them laugh, Miche not missing a beat as he shoots, “Because I don’t like getting roadrash on my ass. You see how low that thing sits to the ground?”

“Okay, fair but… Look how pretty it is.”

Erwin is absolutely beaming, gently raps his knuckles just under the window as he thanks you. “She handles like a dream.”

“Yeah, how’s the gas mileage on it?” Miche challenges with a knowing grin.

“We don’t talk about that.”

The parting handshake with Erwin isn’t nearly as awkward as the first, polite as he tells you, “Lovely meeting you,” then, “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again.”

“Uh, yeah, maybe.”

He waves at Miche, bends to give Remy a little chin scratch, then slides into his beautiful car and drives away.

Which leaves you alone with Miche for the first time since last night, and wow, you kind of wish Erwin would turn around and come back.

“I promise he wasn’t always so annoying,” Miche says, and that at least makes you smile, but it does not get rid of the pit that’s opened up in your stomach.

“He really didn’t bother me,” you shrug. You start to walk toward the little lot behind the building where you know Miche parks, adding, “Besides, he’s friends with you, so he can’t be that bad.”

Miche makes an unsure noise, all high-pitched and non-committal. “I’ve been known to make questionable decisions before, and he might be one of them.”

“Questionable decisions,” you titter. “Yeah, same.”

Obviously.

You lapse into silence as you pile your things into the back of the car. Miche opens your door for you, checking, “You good?” and waiting for your nod before closing it. Then, he’s right next to you, starting the car with the push of a button and backing out of the lot.

The quiet remains, enveloping you both until Miche turns on the radio, and you’re able to breathe easier for a few minutes.

“Make any headway studying today?”

“Some. Probably get more done this evening with everyone else.”

“Yeah, won’t have two assholes right behind you clapping at a soccer game.”

“I promise y’all were not that bad.” Sitting that close to him is what really had you distracted.

Another pause in already stunted conversation has you itching to get out of your own skin. Even with your apartment being as close as it is, you don’t think you can spend the whole ride there doing this, so—

“Okay, I’m just gonna say it before I literally explode.”

“Ah, been waiting for this,” Miche grins, and you almost reach out to smack him, but your brain is already too busy with what you want to say to him, jumbled thoughts with no organization in sight, probably nothing more than word vomit, but god dammit, you’ve gotta try to let him know.

“I am so sorry about last night—”

“Don’t be.”

“I don’t even know why—I mean, no, I know why—I just don’t know what I was thinking—”

“It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten that sloppy around you, and I’m so, so—I’m fucking mortified, and I know you probably are too so—”

“Hey.”

You pause, only just realizing he’s been trying to get you to stop since you started. Looking at you from the corner of his eyes, Miche shows one of his soft smiles, the kind that makes your knees weak.

“I’m not about to hold it against you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay? I’m the one who fucking assaulted you.”

Miche laughs, looking genuinely amused. “You did not assault me, and even if you had, I’m pretty sure I could have handled myself.” He flexes the arm closest to you just to prove his point, showing off the way his shirt sleeve pulls tight around his bicep.

“Okay,” you squint at him. “No need for that.” Really just because the urge to reach out and squeeze the muscle is much too strong.

“I’m just saying. If I felt threatened or whatever you think I felt, I could have removed myself from the situation with ease.”

“I’m just sorry I made you uncomfortable, and don’t even try to tell me I didn’t because we both know that’s a lie.”

“You didn’t—”

“Miche, I will harm you.”

“Well, now I do feel a little threatened,” he mumbles.

You huff, he chuckles, then goes on to explain, “I’m not gonna say I wasn’t a little taken off guard, but it wasn’t something I—” Miche stops, seems to have to think for a moment as he makes a turn. “I didn’t dislike it. I stopped you because you were drunk, not because… Not because… Jesus, why is this so much harder now?” He chuckles quietly. “It’s not because I didn’t want it. Because I—I do. There. Fuck.”

Somewhere in the middle of all that, your heart started to beat too fast and too hard, and he has to be able to hear it. You surely do, louder than the music playing, louder than his voice, pounding in your ears, picking up pace with every second because, “You do?”

“Well, yeah, how could I not?”

There are many ways he could not, many reasons: you’re twenty-five, you’ve still got years of school left, you work at a dingy bar and don’t even make enough for a halfway decent living, you’re a sloppy drunk and a little bit of a brat, the list goes on and on.

Remy gets antsy as Miche pulls into a covered parking place, looks at you seriously and says, “Hold that thought,” before turning the car off and stepping outside.

He grabs your bag while you carry Remy, out of breath as you make your way up to your apartment, though it’s not from the stairs. You unlock the door, set Remy down as Miche walks to the couch where he places your backpack.

Then, you’re both looking at each other, full on, no road to distract you, just staring as you try to keep your body from shaking with the rhythm of your heartbeat.

“Okay,” you exhale, hands beginning to tremble with nerves. “So, what… what exactly were you saying in the car?”

Bracing himself on the back of the couch, Miche rests against it and sucks his teeth in a thoughtful manner.

“I—look, it’s been a long time since I’ve done this, or really—” he blows hair out of his face, lips forming a little grin afterward, but it looks about as confident as you feel. “—I guess a long time since I’ve been nervous about it.”

If this is what you think it is, it’s been a long time for you too. There was no confessing in your last relationship, only falling into bed with a boy at a party and going from there. This, with Miche, is about as opposite from that as you can get. This has been a growing thing from the start. This has a foundation, but is it stable enough to build on top of?

He must see the question in your eyes, the uncertainty and confusion, because his expression turns to one so tender, and the muscles in his forearms relax as does the rest of his body.

“Come here,” he nods at you, and your feet move on their own accord, carrying you over to him, closer and closer. Miche’s legs, previously crossed at the ankle where he’s leaning—sitting, you realize now—spread enough to allow you to stand between them, and with such little space between the two of you, both your brain and lungs seem to stop working at the same time.

The light green of his eyes is mesmerizing and comforting, lulling you into a state of security despite your alarming pulse. You admire the soft lines of his face, all etched there from happy times. The gray at his temples interweaves and blends well with the rest of his dark blond hair, a hint of silver in his beard as well, and everything about him is so handsome—sophisticated and rugged at the same time, like he doesn’t even have to try, and it leaves your stomach in knots.

“I am in new territory right now,” he admits, but as he does, he raises a hand to brush hair behind your ear, and you swear to god, you can feel your pupils dilate. “And, I think you might be too.” You nod but find yourself incapable of speaking, hands seeking purchase and finding it in the soft material of his t-shirt.

“For the record, I didn’t—I didn’t start talking to you because I wanted—In the grocery store, it wasn’t like I targeted you or anything.”

Finally, a laugh is pushed from your chest. “I know.”

“Okay, just making sure. Just know I didn’t plan any of this to happen. I didn’t plan… feelings.”

His face is red now, both of his cheeks as well as what you can see of his neck, and that brings you some relief because at least you’re not the only one freaking out a little.

“I…” You swallow, trying to get your mouth to work again and eventually succeeding. “I had an inkling I would probably catch them, I won’t even lie, but I didn’t ever think you... might… too.”

“You’re a lot more charming than you give yourself credit for.”

“Aw, shucks,” you giggle, and suddenly, Miche is pressing your face into his chest, which you can’t say you mind all that much. “Can’t look at me anymore?” You question, words muffled against t-shirt and pectoral. “‘m I that charming you can’t handle it?”

“Maybe,” he chuckles, and you loop your arms around his waist, squeezing as you hum. “I need to ask you something, though. For… clarification purposes.”

“Mkay.”

“Last night—”

“Oh, boy.”

You feel the rumble of laughter in his chest more than hear it.

“Last night the, uh… Offer you… Presented me with,” he starts, and you’re already long gone, trapped in a fit of embarrassed giggles—a panic response—and well on your way to perishing due to the amount of blood that’s pooling in your face. “I don’t know exactly what to make of it.”

“If I’m—oh man,” you have to wipe tears from your eyes, panting for a moment to catch your breath. “If I’m remembering correctly, I’m pretty—pretty sure I said I’d fuck you in return for you taking care of me.”

“Right, yes,” Miche’s voice comes out strained, and you begin to feel like you're coming back to yourself. “Is that—”

“Offer still on the table? Absolutely.”

“Jesus, shut—” Hand on the back of the head again, face smushed into pecs again. “Good to know, but not what I was about to ask.”

“Oh, okay,” you grin. “Carry on.”

“Thank you. Is that all you want out of this… What’d you call it last night?” He questions, but he remembers before you can speak up. “Oh, arrangement. Is that all you want out of our arrangement?”

“To be taken care of financially and in the bedroom?” Honestly, you surprise even yourself sometimes.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Is that all you’re looking for?”

“Well…” You push yourself away from his chest enough to stand a little straighter and look him in the eye, not that you can hold his gaze for long. He’s chewing on his lip, and you’re trying not to squirm too much, but it is difficult. “I mean, I—” Dropping your hands from behind his back, you instead start to toy with the hem of his shirt, timid all over again when you tell him, “I don’t know what I’m allowed to ask for.”

“I don’t either.”

Your eyes snap back up to his face, so open and honest. What could he possibly ask you for? What could he possibly want from you?

Part of you wishes you could be a little more poetic, have something romantic or flowery prepared for an occasion like this.

But, you aren’t, and you don’t, so you settle for raising to your tiptoes and tilting your head back, hoping Miche will get the idea and fill in the rest of the gap.

You’ve always known his hands are big, but when they cover your cheeks and curl to the back of your head, they feel especially huge. Miche has to stoop, but he doesn’t complain, just catches your lips with his, inhaling sharply through his nose and stealing what little breath you have left. He is firm and warm and gentle, his rhythm matching yours as you press against him, mouths moving just enough to get acquainted but not enough to taste.

When he pulls away, you try to follow, eyes still shut, seeking him out. You feel a tiny puff of warm air—his chuckle—dance across your lips before he gifts you with another, shorter kiss, then he straightens up and pulls you tight against him.

Fingers curled into his shirt, you hold him a little too tightly, lightheaded and unsteady on your feet.

That just happened. You just did that. He just did that.

And, now… Now, all you want is more.

Before you can suggest anything (or even look at him with any kind of salacious intent), your phone buzzes in your back pocket, startling you out of your dreamy, lustful haze.

"Hold please," you mumble, retrieving it and finding a message from Hitch.

>> hey girlypop, need me to come pick you up?

You weren't particularly keen on the idea of leaving Miche's to go study before, and now, standing so close to him, lips still tingling, you're even less inclined to go.

"Duty calls," he teases, then, noting your hesitance, adds, "We'll talk more later."

"Yeah?" You blink up at him, can't help but push, "Just talk?"

One of his eyebrows lifts in a warning that makes you shift your weight from one foot to another, a syrupy heat dripping down your spine when he tries to suppress a little smirk and fails to.

"We'll talk later," he reiterates. "Now, go get ready for your study sesh or whatever you guys call it."

You push your bottom lip out without thought, and he just barely brushes a thumb over it, clicking his tongue, then sliding out from his place between you and the couch. Flames lick upward from your stomach, and you watch through hooded eyes as Miche crouches to give Remy another pat on the head. He mutters something to the little dog, snickering as tiny claws scratch over his knee, then he’s upright again and reaching for the doorknob.

He really has you convinced that he’s just gonna leave like that, kiss you like he owns you then stride back out without another glance at you, but you should know better at this point, shouldn’t look so relieved when he pivots back around and demands more than asks, “Let me take you to dinner.” You blink. “Not tonight, obviously, but soon. Some place without sandwiches or liquor.”

“What if I want sandwiches and liquor?” You play.

“Then let me take you somewhere with gourmet sandwiches and liquor.”

You snort. “How fancy,” then tell him, “Thursday nights work best for me,” though you’re pretty sure he already knows that.

“Thursday,” he repeats, and he’s grinning and fumbling for the door handle because he won’t look away from you, and you want to kiss him again, want to kiss him so badly, you can’t stop yourself from skipping over to him and pulling him down for one more.

His palm slides over the small of your back as he bends, pressing your body harder against his so that you let out a happy little sigh and murmur against his lips, “Thursday.”

#miche zacharias x reader #mike zacharias x reader #aot x reader #aot fanfic #snk fanfic #mels find a way

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