#he was just coerced to stay/believed staying was the best option

[ironunderstands]

I love your thoughts on this so I do want to mention that I actually think the exact same thing as you, I just didn’t touch on it hard enough in the original analysis- Gopher and The Family are responsible for Sunday ending up this way, and he’s responsible for Staying This Way.

He is the perfect grooming victim for cults and a lot of his flawed mindset and behavior are born from them, therefore he will have to unlearn it and process his trauma to grow as a person, which is a big reason why he Stayed That Way because doing that is fucking hard, especially when your abuser is still in your life (until about like a day before the end).

However, despite being both a victim of circumstance and the deliberate machinations of others- Sunday is still fully responsible for his own failing, and I don’t like when people pin the blame entirely on others because Sunday being responsible for his crimes is the most important part about them- how could he grow otherwise?

He was not raised to question but that does not mean questioning was impossible for him, and even though he is of rather was a bird in a cage, he could still see the outside distantly from outside the window.

Now while I don’t think you specifically are trying to do this (you just had something to add and it’s great)- Sunday’s trauma explains his actions, it does not excuse them and man am I tired of people thinking it does

Sunday’s worldview sucks, his outlook and perception of himself and others sucks… and that’s why he’s so interesting

In honor of his drip marketing releasing tonight (or maybe yesterday for you depending on when I get this out), I’d like to talk about why I think Sunday’s beliefs and perspective is very, very flawed and how his own biases rather than the actions of those who oppose him are what led to his downfall.

Sunday is entirely responsible for his own failure, and that’s exactly why he’s incredible.

This contains mentions of leaks and spoilers for the Penacony quest line… you have been warned

To start with, oh my lord do Sunday’s preconceived notions kick him in the ass. 

I think the best example of this is his conversation with Dr. Ratio in which Ratio pretends to betray Aventurine, selling out his plan to Sunday. Now, what’s incredibly interesting about this exchange is that Ratio doesn’t fully lie to Sunday once in this exchange, rather he says half truths and makes vague statements which Sunday himself interprets as being in support of him. 

Take what Ratio said the whole, “A scholar knows their position and wouldn’t forsake it for the sake of petty pride.” In retrospect, we know this line is actually referring to Aventurine- aka Ratio is saying he’s not just going to sell him out to Sunday for the sake of information about the Stellaron (which he would get anyways if the IPC attained Penacony, plus Mr. Incredibly Dedicated Knowledge Spreader probably has other means of gaining it then through The Family). 

However, since Ratio answered the invitation Sunday gave him, Sunday assumes that Ratio is on his side, believes his cause is righteous, and that he won Ratio over with offering him information about the Stellaron, therefore making that previous statement of Ratio’s null, because Sunday interpreted it as, “convince me this is worth my time + prove to me you’re correct,” when it really meant, “there is no way in hell I’m about to sacrifice my friend to you, and there is nothing you could offer me to make me do so you crazed lunatic.”

But why did Sunday not weigh the options? Why did he unquestioningly believe his perception of the situation was the correct one?

Well- partly it’s because Ratio and Aventurine were doing their damndest to make it seem like they hate each other and that their plan was going off the rails.

But the more important part is that even without Ratio saying a word or even accepting the invitation, Sunday already believes he’d be on his side. 

Let me demonstrate this through Sunday's perspective:

I am a righteous person, I am doing the correct things, my worldview is the correct one. Dr. Ratio is also a righteous person who seems to be doing the correct things. Therefore, since we are both on the side of good, and Aventurine is clearly not on that side considering his status as Stoneheart and his negative relationship to Ratio, then Ratio will naturally want to be on my side. After all, the good guys work together, do they not?- and together will vanquish this evil villain.

This perspective is a simple one, but Sunday’s unshaking belief (up until the end of 2.2) that he is 100% in correct and in the right, that any and everyone who he also perceives to be in the right (like Ratio) would believe/side with him without truly needing to be convinced. Sunday doesn’t come out the gate offering the Stellaron information- he only keeps it as a backup just in case. 

However, this is complicated because Sunday is also not an idiot, and he’s extremely paranoid, so he’s going to make sure that the way he views the world is 100% correct on the off chance he’s wrong which could foil his plans- which is why he invited Ratio in the first place. Nevertheless, this isn’t him hunting for new perspectives, but rather him desiring to prove himself right again, which is a bad thing because Sunday is very much not right. 

A perfect world is a perfect pris- *gets shot*

Reference that approximately 2 ½ people will get beside, Sunday’s ideology that he is fully confident in.. sucks. It sucks ass, it’s terrible, and let me explain.

I’m not going to try going over all the little intricacies to how the dreamscape works because I a) don’t know and b) don’t particularly care because they aren’t relevant to the argument I will be making- which is that Sunday’s ideology is inherently flawed and immediately falls apart under scrutiny.

Essentially, he desires to create the perfect fake reality, enveloping the whole galaxy in Ena’s dream and fulfilling their every desire and whim within it, with himself as the sacrifice to allow it to exist. The seven rest days, no illness, no pain, no challenge, you get the idea. 

And, this perfect world paradoxically sucks ass because of its perfectness.

Improving society is great, eliminating hardship is great, increasing quality of life is great.

But declawing reality itself- absolutely not.

I’m going to try to explain this through my favorite strangely specific anecdote- the process of obtaining diamonds in Minecraft.

Stay with me now.

You essentially have two options- go out and mine them yourselves the hard way, which takes hours, gives you less diamonds per the amount of time spent on it, and likely with you exhausting some of your resources like food, torches, and tools which you will need to replenish.

Or.

You can just.. get them from creative mode or commands, and you can get as many as your heart desires.

However, despite the fact that option one is harder, gives you less diamonds and takes significantly more time, I, as well as hopefully you, would pick it every time (at least in a survival world, although honestly idk why you would even need pure diamonds in creative).

And that’s because the first option is rewarding. 

You did not earn the diamonds you easily and magically summoned into your inventory, there is no struggle, no journey, no challenge to it, therefore it feels entirely unremarkable, as compared to the feeling you (hopefully) get from mining diamonds, which makes you happy because you earned it. Yeah, it was harder, but the process itself is fun- the anticipation of not knowing when you’re going to find them, if at all, the danger, the fighting and digging and mauvering you will have to do in the process.

And with this unconventional example, the fatal flaw with Sunday’s ideology is revealed- it’s boring. 

It’s boring as shit.

Yeah, for the first few months or even years it might be enjoyable- having everything you could ever want served on a silver platter. However, humans are a) inherently a bit greedy and b) desire challenge, and this scenario fulfilles neither of those things. Naturally having everything means your desire for more can never be fulfilled, leaving the wanter forever unsatisfied, whereas in the real world, things are truly out of your reach, meaning that even if you never end up getting them, they are still a tangible thing just out of reach… as strange at it sounds, we like being tantalilus-ed more than you think. After all, if what you want is so easy to get, you will never run out of things to want, and eventually that gets draining. 

Continually, if everything is easy, if everything is just right there whenever you want it- existence itself no longer has stakes. 

And that’s the problem, because much like how a story with no stakes is extremely hard to find compelling, a life with no stakes feels boring at best and downright pointless and meaningless at worst.

I’m just saying, there is a reason why the Nihility was such a strong presence and problem in Penacony.

Anyways, like with the diamond problem, a lack of stakes means that nothing you do feels rewarding, because you didn’t truly earn it. 

Which is where the Sunday’s idea of a “perfect” reality falls apart, because the most enjoyable reality for humans to live in is not one literally devoid of any possible flaw.

So why does he believe in it? When it’s so clearly flawed?

Well, it’s because Sunday doesn’t think a better alternative exists.

The world made you this way.. and you chose to continue what it started.

I’m sure I don’t need to repeat the story of the Charmony Dove all over again because trust me, we’ve all heard it before. Nonetheless, it reveals something important both about Sunday’s personality and his ideology- he’s fundamentally a defeatist.

He doesn’t believe that there is any alternative for the dove, that it could ever be able to fly again with its deformed nature, so instead of being “cruel” and letting it “inevitably fall to its death,” he’d rather keep it in a cage all its life where it has no freedom, but at least it would he alive and “happy”.

And this is where his defeatism reveals itself- Sunday doesn’t believe reality itself can get better because improving it when there are so many factors and things out of your control is hard at best and impossible at worst. Therefore, he resorts to creating an escapist, false version of it- a perfect golden cage, because constructing that is far, far easier than trying to help the dove fly again. 

The universe has endless possibilities, if Robin and Sunday had tried hard enough, they probably could have found a solution. Sure, they were both children, so the capabilities necessary to even attempt that were likely far out of their reach. However, it was still possible, but Sunday doesn’t believe in possibilities- he believes he’s right above all else, which is where that stubbornness and arrogance comes into play again.

Sunday doesn’t think better solutions than his exists, and he believes everyone would could possibly stand in his noble way are either villains, or horribly misguided; so it’s his job to show them the light.

This is why he lets the Express Crew + Firefly try to change his mind- Sunday wasn’t actually interesting in shifting his perspective, or really what they wanted to say. Rather, he just wanted to let them say there peace, because well, Sunday’s a good, righteous person (at least from his perspective), and good, righteous people listen to others. Good, righteous people will let these poor, ignorant souls offer their foolish words before exposing them to the harsh truth- or at least that’s how Sunday sees it. 

Moreover, this also explains his arrogance. If he believes his worldview is the sole correct one, then why listen to anyone else? He’s this world's savior, or at least he’s been raised to believe that- so why not relish in it? He enjoys punishing Aventurine, enjoys the bastard who stood in the way of Sunday’s plans, shrinks away in “defeat” and get what he “deserves.” Despite how miserable it sounds, Sunday also takes pride in having to be a martyr to bring about his beautiful dream. The belief that he is a selfless, good person is a selfish desire of his, even if a genuine one, and it’s what leads to his downfall.

Sunday could have actually listened. He could have reevaluated his loss to Aventurine and realized it was not through the others clever deception, but through his own biases. He could have actually taken the Express’s and Firefly’s advice. He could have looked for other avenues to help the people he truly does care about. 

Despite Gopher Wood’s manipulation- Sunday’s decision to go forward with the pain is entirely his own, because he truly believes- even with all the evidence for the contrary- that he is correct.

And that’s why he fails. Not because of the Express. Not because of Ratio. Not because of Aventurine. Not because of Gopher, or even the rest of The Family.

No, Sunday fails because he is flawed, and he is wrong, and he is the arrogant, selfish and biased one, and his worldview is wrong.

So what now?

This might have seemed like I think Sunday is pure evil and irredeemable, but I think it’s quite the opposite.

He has very good intentions, and he does genuinely care about it the well being of other people around him. He gives Aventurine a chance to prove his innocence, even if he never intended on changing, he does listen to what the Express + Firefly have to say. He pauses when Robin shows up, as she’s the one person (until the very end) he’s actually willing to accept the perspective of. The whole reason he ended up here in the first place is because Gopher Wood twisted Sunday’s good intentions into a fatal arrogance and utmost belief in a flawed worldview. 

However, what really sells me on Sunday’s goodness is when eyes widen at that final moment, the light draining from him as he realizes he is wrong. 

And once Sunday realizes he is wrong, those flaws that bind him can finally be examined and improved upon, as they all stem from that worldview he no longer believes in. 

His whole life, Sunday has been enacting out someone else’s plan for him, even if he’s come to internalize it over time, at the end of the day- it was never his, and without it, he’s empty.

Which is exactly why the only place he can go now is the Express, and the only thing left for him is redemption and growth.

Dan Heng is right- Sunday has a noble soul, and now that he has stopped believing in himself, he’s no longer shackled by the past either. Improvement or utter demise (in a likely nihility-flavored manner) are his only options remaining.

I understand a lot of people want to see him become a Stellaron Hunter, but imo, that just does nothing for him. He’d still be following someone else’s path/script, and Mr. I Will Sacrifice My Whole Existence To Become The Sun To Illuminate These Wandering Souls probably wouldn’t be so on board with the whole.. terrorism part of being a SH. Like yeah, they are our friends (kinda), but they absolutely kill innocent people and cause millions of dollars in property damage to people who don’t deserve it. 

Also, being on the Express Just Makes Sense. This is a game about choices, a game about accepting the mistakes of your past, but not letting them define you in order to move on and forge a better future for yourself and others- with the Astral Express + Trailblaze as a concept being the literal embodiment of it. There’s a reason when you switch to the Trailblazer’s POV in stories, it includes Kafka’s most important words to us- “When you have the chance to make a choice, make one you won’t regret.”

Therefore, I hope the choices Sunday will make in 2.7 are ones he’s proud of, and I can’t wait to see how exactly they get him on board with the crew, because there still is a LOT of development he needs to do before then. 

Anyways, thank you so much for reading, and if you have any thoughts I’d love to hear them. This was a stream of consciousness mess, but I hope it was still valuable nonetheless! Also if you are reading this on the day it was written, I hope we don’t get disappointed by his drip marketing!

[theamityelf]

My mind is full of thoughts of a Percy Jackson Danganronpa AU.

Here's an organized brainstorm.

Parameters: Danganronpa universe, Riordanverse characters. This means no one is a demigod, which I would ordinarily find a bit boring, but Ultimates are pretty superhuman anyway, so it's fine. Hope's Peak in Japan still exists; this is an imitation school in New York. The plot of Danganronpa is still happening in Japan. Junko and co are still responsible for the Tragedy and their killing game, but there is someone in the New York Hope's Peak who helped her cause the Tragedy and, separately, someone in the New York Hope's Peak acting in the role of "coerced traitor".

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Percy Jackson- Ultimate Swimmer. Most of his backstory gets to stay pretty much the same, except the weird traumatizing things that happened throughout his childhood that in canon were the result of his godly parentage are now just regular people mistreating a kid. He gained renown as an Olympic swimmer, mostly so that he could give the money that came with that success to his mother, so she could stop being financially dependent on his abusive step-dad. She was able to leave him, and optionally put a hit out on him? If we want a Medusa equivalent.

In the killing game, his classmates are weird about him. A lot of them act like he's not smart, no matter how often he's right about stuff. He gets extremely defensive when he's the one being accused of murder, because he's used to having to defend himself from unfair accusations, so it's already a sore spot for him. This makes him come across as hotheaded and suspicious, but he never hurts anyone.

He survives. Also, he's probably the POV character.

Annabeth Chase- Ultimate Strategist. Backstory is, she ran away from home when she was seven and ended up in the "care" of some kind of army or mercenary group, and she became their best battle strategist at a very young age. When she became old enough to object to what the group was doing, she plotted out the tidiest way to end them and escape (physically) unscathed. Once she was free, she pretty much lived as a drifter until Hope's Peak scouted her.

In the killing game, she channels any fear she has immediately and directly into defensive rage. Because she can see so many potential strategies in the the things people do and the way everyone else behaves, she tends to float on the slightly confrontational side. Ironically, despite Percy being one of the more cunning participants, and despite everyone else accusing him of stuff constantly, she almost never expects him to be up to anything. Like, she'll sit next to him during meals specifically because she does not believe he has it in him to successfully plot her death.

She might kill. She probably wouldn't be killed. Her execution might be chess-based! Maybe a cruel subversion, where she's winning the chess game and then gets crushed to death by a giant checker piece, or something like that.

Grover Underwood- Ultimate Environmentalist. He's a famous activist for climate change and pollution. And unfortunately, Danganronpa Law might dictate that he gets placed in the coward role by default. Someone's gotta have the outrageously out-there fear sprites. I'd say he leans more "easily-startled pacifist" than "genuine coward", though. He might get a moment where he throws a tin can at Monokuma.

He folds in the face of teasing of any kind, so if Monokuma or his classmates make jokes at his expense, he does not banter back. Percy backs him up, since he refuses to defend himself. But he is reasonably vocal in the trials.

He's the character you're sure is going to die every chapter, but he makes it to the end.

Nico di Angelo- Ultimate Gamer. Everyone who hasn't already heard of him is surprised by this, because they find him irrationally eerie and it seems like his talent should have the same vibes. He's had a hard life, partially due to family stuff and partially because these game companies target him whenever he makes them look bad and sometimes they send mercenaries to intimidate or harm him, so he has to live on the run and off the grid- while also being a notorious gamer. He's still Hazel's half-brother, but he has to be careful about acknowledging their relationship in public, lest she be in danger, too. (The game company mercenaries would hold her hostage! They've already done it with a different sister before, and it did not end well.) But he does favors for her when he can, and they manage to keep in touch. Now that they're both attending the same school, they still keep their sibling relationship a secret for a while.

He's very reserved, both socially and in the trials. Sometimes he hangs out with Leo, since Leo focuses so hard on his own work that they don't have to talk much, and that's honestly the only reason he ever has an alibi. He still often gets accused of stuff just based on sheer vibes.

He might kill someone for Hazel. Or he might be killed. Most likely, he dies somehow. One of them has to die for the other's character development, per Danganronpa rules, and I'm choosing him. He would agree with my choice. The group finds out that they're siblings either during the trial or between the verdict and his execution.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare- Ultimate Heiress, but she really really doesn't want to be! She tries really hard to have a different Ultimate, like Ultimate Artist, Ultimate Activist...

In the killing game, her role in the dialogue is mostly to be the one saying obvious things and explaining the joke that was just made. (Look, it's okay. Some of my favorite Danganronpa characters get saddled with that job. It's not a slight on Rachel.) There's a running gag where she tends to correctly guess things ahead of time, culminating in her excitedly saying "Hey! Maybe I'm the Ultimate Psychic!" This annoys Octavian tremendously.

Socially, she kind of cycles between the friend groups. She says very little in the trials. When people tease her, she very much does banter back.

She might kill. Or she might be killed. I think probably the latter, and they can have some line like "She didn't see it coming." Maybe Nico kills her because she was going to kill Hazel? Eh, maybe not. She does get killed, though. Although her execution could be interesting if she murders instead; it could be based on the title she hates, or it can be based on her yearning for another title/identity.

Luke Castellan- Ultimate Traveler. He runs a very popular travel blog or vlog, centered around how he's been to every state, territory, and almost every country. He speaks a lot of languages. He's older than his classmates, because he missed a lot of school while he was traveling.

"I've visited the Hope's Peak in Japan a few times."

"There's one in Japan?" Percy says, immediately interested.

"The first Hope's Peak is in Japan!" Annabeth chides.

He became friends with Junko Enoshima a while back. He had a role in causing the Tragedy to also happen in America, but he thought it was for a different reason. He never wanted his classmates to kill each other! (He was fine with millions of other people dying, though.) Junko said they were locking themselves in for their own safety, so he convinced Headmaster Chiron. His memory was erased along with everyone else, so he doesn't know anything except that he was friends with Junko.

His presence in the killing game is very charismatic and caring and somewhat leaderly.

He might be the first one killed. He probably doesn't kill anyone. All the information about his role in things comes out after his death, but maybe he gets a moment right before he dies where he remembers everything but can only say a cryptic sentence that everyone misunderstands.

Carter Kane- Ultimate Egyptologist. Attended many lectures and archaeological digs with his father, pretty much from infancy. (Yes, Professor Kane giving a lecture with a baby on his chest!) Very well-versed in Egyptology, and took over his father's work and expert status when he tragically died in a freak accident. If New York Hope's Peak has a reserve course, Sadie might be enrolled there as a backup Ultimate Egyptologist.

In the killing game, Carter's place in the social web is to kind of be the quieter Annabeth, in that he's smart and somewhat suspicious of the others but doesn't express it as openly as she does. Also, his particular brand of had-to-grow-up-too-fast is of a more social bent than most of the others', due to the nature of his work, so he's a lot like Reyna in that he'll be the one trying to calm people down and get them to work together. In fact, he and Reyna will have a casually-established trust for each other, where they generally agree about things, side with each other, support each other's alibis, etc.

In the trials, he isn't all that vocal, but when he speaks, he always has an astute point.

He doesn't kill, but he might get killed.

Jason Grace- Oh boy, there are so many funny answers to this. I think it would be most on-brand for him to be the guy who wakes up with no memory of his Ultimate. But, this would necessarily mean that his talent must be significant in some potentially-game-breaking way. Ultimate Wolf Trainer would be great, but maybe a little out there? I'm thinking he'd either be Ultimate Wolf Trainer or Ultimate Survivalist. Either way, his backstory still involves wolves because the wolves are the coolest things about him (in my own personal opinion).

He is killed by Monokuma for rule-breaking, because he does not want to engage with the game on Monokuma's terms. He's used as an example for the others. It's a very heroic death.

Piper McLean- Ultimate Trendsetter. (A really superficial-sounding title that she hates.) She's been in the public eye as the daughter of a famous actor, and she's known for being utterly subversive in her fashion choices and broader lifestyle stuff; she single-handedly reshapes pop cultural trends, and no one can quite put their finger on why she manages to be so...persuasive? Without even saying a word. It's like, just by being herself, she makes people want to "agree" with her. Her social media presence has a significant impact on social justice movements and political campaigns. She also met Junko Enoshima before attending Hope's Peak (because it's not hard for a super influential "fashionista" to engineer a way to meet a super influential "trendsetter"), and Junko identified her as a valuable asset. Piper is the coerced traitor. She confesses after a close friend (probably Leo) dies.

Her behavior in the killing game is kind of guarded, for a while; she's guilty about being in contact with Monokuma, so she isolates herself out of guilt. It comes across as the standard "aloof ice queen" character archetype, especially if the POV character is Percy, who she doesn't soften toward until late in the game when they understand each other better, but she shows her kind side when she's defending those she perceives as underdogs, like Leo and Hazel. She doesn't trust Grover (Another thing that places her at odds with Percy.), because she thinks his pacifist thing is an act, partially because she considers him a celebrity and she has a lot of baggage around the concept of celebrity.

After she confesses to being the traitor, people get back to trusting her surprisingly quickly. It helps that a lot of the late-game participants are more on the trusting side, and also, in true Danganronpa traitor fashion, she didn't actually do anything to anyone; she just is the traitor. Once the cat's out of the bag, it's like a weight has been lifted. She gets along with everyone way better.

She survives.

Leo Valdez- Ultimate Mechanic. Once again, same backstory except he can't create fire with his hands.

In the killing game, he leans SUPER hard on sarcasm and humor as a defense mechanism, causing him to butt heads with some of the more earnest in the cast. Characters like Frank genuinely believe he doesn't care or thinks the situation is funny, whereas characters like Piper understand pretty quickly that Leo is just unable to deal with his fear any other way.

He dies, because his talent is game-breakingly useful once the group at large is focused on game-breaking and not surviving each other. He builds something useful to the rest of the class and then dies, rendering the thing he built far more valuable for the fact that they won't have any more inventions or machines from him to help them.

(If we want to go Danganronpa-style cruel irony, Annabeth could be the one to kill him, since she's the strategy person and his loss would be the most strategically problematic to the group. Like, we could discover that if she just hadn't killed Leo, he was this close to building something that would get them free.)

Hazel Levesque- (I would love to incorporate her love of horses, but that simply can't be relevant here, lol.) Ultimate Witch. She has pretty strong reservations about her title, but essentially she's a talented illusionist with above-average luck. Also she can sometimes see ghosts; it's a genetic thing. (Because if Danganronpa says that's on the table, then why not.) She would prefer to be called the Ultimate Illusionist, but New York Hope's Peak wants snappy, clickbait-y names for their Ultimates.

In the killing game, she gets along with everyone. Frank is protective of her, because she's physically small, kind-hearted, and pretty. Nico is protective of her because she's his sister. All the other girls are protective of her, because she's the least athletic out of all of them (since this AU doesn't require her to have been fighting monsters). Leo makes lighthearted jokes about her talent that Frank takes too seriously. The only person to ever directly accuse her of anything is Octavian, though she's not above suspicion when she doesn't have an alibi.

And for her own part, Hazel's skill set comes into play because she has a keen eye for smoke-and-mirrors, as it were. Like, as soon as the killing game starts, she becomes curious as to where Monokuma is appearing from and determined to find out. Things like that. She discovers secret passageways based on her familiarity with optical illusions, sleight of hand, and hidden compartments.

She survives. Obviously, having a strong personal connection to a character who probably dies means she has to survive to say some line towards the end like "It's what they would want," or "I remember what they said to me..." Monokuma meant for her to die because she was a little too persistent about finding stuff, but it didn't work out that way.

Frank Zhang- Ultimate Archer. Once again, functionally the same backstory with the Roman gods swapped out for human stuff.

In the killing game, he assumes the position of "We would never kill each other! Why would any of us kill each other?!" He's at odds with Leo (and by extension Piper) because of Leo's need to joke about things, and he's at odds with Annabeth because he doesn't want to suspect anyone. His insistence that they shouldn't suspect each other makes Annabeth (and to a lesser extent, Carter) suspicious that he's playing them. He trusts Reyna because she's a team leader, but she is aggressively neutral toward him. Like:

"Reyna, tell them this had to be Monokuma's doing!"

"It could have been him, or it could have been one of us. We don't have all the facts yet."

I'm going to say he kills, and I'm going to say that his motive is a hostage thing with his grandmother. This is also character development for Hazel. Sorry, Hazel. Also, sorry Frank. His execution hearkens to St. Sebastian (shot with a bunch of arrows while tied to a tree or post).

Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano- Ultimate Team Leader. Raised by a now-dead older sister, she led a lot of professional athletic teams to victory. She is great at seeing others' strengths and weaknesses, and she is a champion for team synergy.

Ironically, she's not great at creating or maintaining friendships, but she loves her classmates in her own way. She only speaks up in class trials when she notices someone is being talked over, in which case she makes sure the others quiet down and let them speak. Also, when Octavian is making it impossible to progress, she gets him to shut up. Other than that, she mostly listens.

She's probably killed, and the characters have a bunch of lines sadly reflecting on how they didn't expect someone like her to be killed.

Octavian [Last Name]- Ultimate Psychic. He's famous for his whole gimmick of divining a person's future by cutting open a beloved stuffed animal of theirs; for the hardcore superstitious types, it's considered a show of how serious you are about your beliefs to say you've had your future read by Octavian. (It's also a demonstration of financial status, because he charges a lot.)

In the killing game, he is hugely distrustful and obstructs the group from collaborating at pretty much every turn. Like, Annabeth is cautious, but he is straight up tearing the group apart constantly.

He kills or is killed for sure. Most likely, he kills; no way any self-respecting Danganronpa game would miss the opportunity to make him angrily defend himself in the trial room and get a gruesome execution that probably hearkens to him gutting stuffed animals. I'm going to take it a step further and say he's the one to kill Carter, since its too obvious to have him kill Rachel or Reyna.

Also, if they get to open up Monokuma late in the game, they're going to mention how Octavian would have loved to be around for this.

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So, to recap, in no particular order:

Murderers: Annabeth, Nico(?), Frank, Octavian

Victims: Rachel(?), Luke, Carter, Leo, Reyna

Killed As An Example: Jason

Survivors: Percy, Piper, Hazel, Grover. They are all best friends at the end.

[wingletblackbird]

Parental Consent, Disclosure, and Coercion

Finally having life slow down enough that I feel I can maybe put my toes back into fandom proper, and (hopefully) get back to my WIPs. I was just thinking about Qui-Gon and how he decides to take Anakin with him back to Coruscant.

I have seen meta before discuss that Qui-Gon took a blood sample from Anakin without asking for his, or at least his mother’s, consent. I imagine this is no big deal in his mind. Midichlorian blood tests are supposed to be mandatory in the Republic, after all. Afterwards though, when Qui-Gon offers Anakin a chance to become a Jedi, he once again does some seemingly questionable things: He does not tell Anakin or Shmi what being a Jedi will entail.

Anakin does not know when he leaves to go to Coruscant that he will not be allowed to see his mother ever again. (Yes, Anakin worries if he’ll see her again, but that’s because he’s leaving her behind in slavery while he goes to get an education, not because he’s been told attachment is wrong. “What’s that got to do with anything?”) Anakin does not know when he goes to Coruscant that he will not be allowed to marry Padme when he grows up. He does not know when he goes to Coruscant what being a Jedi really entails. Anakin thinks this means he gets to free the slaves. The only thing Qui-Gon tells him is that it will be “hard.” What does hard mean to Anakin whose only knowledge of life is slavery? What does a Core-Worlder think “hard” is?

Ultimately, Shmi has no real say because she is a slave, and neither she nor Anakin have any real options. Sure, he could stay on Tatooine, but he’d probably wind up being a slave again since there is no one to protect him from re-enslavement. He has to go, run away and try to find some protection, or go to Coruscant. 

Qui-Gon might care more about Anakin than most other Jedi, but from the moment he frees Anakin, he has an agenda. He is willing to not inform Anakin’s mother of the truth, and not inform Anakin of the truth to get it done. Worse still, even if Anakin were informed of the truth, he might still have had precious little option. Between Jedi and slavery, Anakin chose the Jedi with no knowledge of what he was even getting in to.

So if this is how Qui-Gon, one of the more compassionate Jedi acts, how do Jedi recruitment officers? I do not believe that Jedi outright kidnap children, (as a general rule), but I imagine there is a great deal of coercion. I imagine that they tell parents that they cannot care for a Force-sensitive child; they paint horror-story scenarios of what might happen; they do not sit down with the parent(s) and give them full-disclosure and allow them to make a decision. Nah, they just do whatever they have to to convince the parent(s) to give up their child. That is the goal. Why have them join up freely?

Ideally, Jedi would empower parents to care for their Force-sensitive children. Instead, they say that a non-Force sensitive person cannot possibly care for a Force-sensitive child as they ought to. In other words, they suggest that Force-sensitive people are more valuable and capable than non Force-sensitive people. This smacks of arrogance and superiority. Maybe non Force-sensitive parents cannot feel the galaxy the way their children do, but that does not mean that they do not have valuable lessons to teach. Nor does it have to mean that these children cannot be taught. Parents often arrange for their children to go to school, or get tutors after all. Having a gifted child does not make you an incapable parent. So, no, this is ultimately about control. The Jedi will do whatever it takes to get their hands on Force-sensitive kids. They say it is for the “Greater good.” They may not kidnap, but I think it’s safe to say they coerce.

In an ideal world, Anakin and Shmi would have been empowered by the Jedi. Shmi would have been freed, and given the means to support herself and her son. Then, the Jedi could have sat them down and explained what being a Jedi really meant. Shmi and Anakin could have decided then if that was something he wanted. Maybe if he’d had that freedom of choice, he’d have done better. At least, he would have known what he was getting into, and had some kind of mental preparation or plan.

There is another issue though: What if Anakin wants or needs to learn about the Force? Even in the ideal situation? Is his only option to become a Jedi? He can’t learn about the Force and know his mother? There are other groups, but they are not well-known. The Jedi have done a great job of ensuring their religion is the only way to go. If you want to learn about the Force,(or your parents decide you need to), typically you have to become a Jedi. This is appalling. No child should be denied an education, or help they need, because they do not ascribe to your religion. This thought process is starting to give me residential school vibes. Tell desperate parents that only you can care for their kids, but in order to get the help they need, well, they have to be brainwashed into your religion, I guess. Best case scenario for Anakin here is to tell his mom he’ll learn all he can from the Jedi about the Force, and then leave the Order when he is a knight. It’s not ideal, but what can you do? At least then though, it is a choice, he has a plan, and he has agency. He’ll feel far less trapped and scared then what happened in canon.

ETA: I don’t think I the Jedi are heartless. I do think if a child who wasn’t given up to the Order, but suddenly tapped into the Force and needed help would be granted emergency help. Additionally, this is not a slight on religious schools like Muslim or Christian schools today. Firstly, because there is an awareness there of what children will be taught and also because no forced separation is required. Religion is like an addition to education and not the sole focus. (This draft got published early. I don’t know why or how, but I meant to clarify that before posting.) My main issue here is less with religion and religious schools then it is with non-disclosure, coercion, and what might be considered forced conversion.

[caramelcal]

Trained for Sin

Ship: Luke Patterson x Reader {fwb}

Word Count: 3.58k (i did not mean for this to be so long)

a/n: yes well...here’s this...(READ THE WARNINGS) enjoy lovelies x 

WARNINGS: friends with benefits theme, heavily implied sexual activities (not any proper smut though), swearing DO NOT READ THIS IS YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE THINGS!!!

disclaimer: i do not condone plagiarism on my work at all, this has not been posted on any other platforms, or on tumblr anywhere else but my account (rosemoonmist) if you see anyone plagiarizing mine (or anyone else’s work) please inform the rightful author ! thank you lovelies x

Masterlist   Part Two (optional)

The spontaneous meetings that you had with Luke were exhilarating, whether it be in a bed, on the kitchen counter, or in a public bathroom, it didn’t matter. There was a deal that you guys had made after your first hook-up, and mostly it was for Luke to just blow off steam but you certainly got its benefits too. Sure, it was very well-known that Luke was a bit of a fuck boy, but he didn’t like it going around school every time he had sex with a girl. That’s why he only did it with you, a way for him to have a release, but without the rumors or real commitment.

For the first two months, you were fine with that. You were more than fine with that. Yet, as the months went on, the adrenaline that you had experienced at the start of the deal was not as strong, what was stronger was your longing for more. Currently, that was all you felt as you looked at him.

He had his back turned towards you, you still wrapped up in the sheets of his bed, watching his back muscles flex as he grabbed and put his muscle tee back on. During your time with Luke, every single piece of attention he had was on you, and you liked that, but after he was finished, it was like you never even existed. You would normally get a few words, telling you that he would text you next time he needed you, and the occasional goodbye, but you wanted more.

Even though you and Luke never actually talked, you were always quite good at reading people. Luke was more difficult but the more you paid attention to his mannerisms, the way he walked, and the way he interacted with his friends you knew quite a few quirks that he did when he was feeling certain ways. That’s how you knew what to expect from him when you met up with him.

You weren’t entirely sure of the reason that Luke didn’t want a relationship but you often found yourself pondering it. Maybe he wasn’t ready for it, maybe he found himself too busy with the band but the most believable thing you had thought up was that Luke wasn’t the relationship type. He just wanted to fuck, no connections or attachments whatsoever and he got that with you, maybe that’s why he kept you around.

“I’ll text you later. Maybe we can meet up after band practice if you’re free,” Luke commented, not even turning to face you whilst he continued to pick up things, getting ready. He situated his beanie on his head, grabbing his flannel and a few other things before heading towards his bedroom door, “my mom and dad aren’t home, you can let yourself out. You have your key, right?”

Ah yes, your key. The key to Luke’s front door that he gave you after a month of you guys ‘seeing’ each other. He needed for you to be easy access, so if that meant giving you a key then so be it.

“Yeah,” You replied to the boy, who left without another word, much less saying goodbye. You were used to it unfortunately, Luke was often like this and only gave a goodbye if he was in an extra good mood, which wasn’t as often as you would have liked it to be. After hearing the front door shut, you sighed heavily, taking your time to get out of Luke’s bed, still very much nude, and making your way over to his dresser.

Opening it up, you reached for the back part, which was carefully hidden away from sight which contained extra clothes for you to wear if need be and after Luke had ripped your shirt off of your body, you felt that you probably should change into something new. Your hand lightly graced over the top of a sweatshirt that was Luke’s, one he had given you after ripping your shirt off the first time and you didn’t have anything to wear. You remembered the feeling of comfort you felt when you had it wrapped around your figure.

Just imagine if you could have that all the time. Like those girls from school that wear their boyfriend’s stuff.

But you knew that couldn’t happen, not with Luke. You guys had a deal, there were no feelings or attachments so you couldn’t afford to be fantasizing about a romantic life with him. You guys were friends with benefits, but you were barely even friends.

. . .

“Listen, I’m telling you y/n, this new teacher is evil,” Your friend complained, grunting at the end of her sentence. Laughing a little, you looked over at her as you arrived at your lockers, “he gave us a pop quiz on his first day. THE FIRST DAY!”

You winced slightly for her. If the teacher was willing to give her a pop quiz on the first day, you can imagine thorough tests in her future, and a lot of them. Putting your last lesson’s books in your locker, you turn towards your friend again, “That sounds rough.”

“It is,” She agreed, shaking her head wildly as she closes her locker over before checking her watch, “I’m late for class though, and you’re going to be too. I’ll see you later.”

With that, she walked away, leaving you to pull out the textbooks you needed for your next subject before closing your locker over, “Hey.”

Your eyes shot up towards the voice as you jumped back away from them in fright before realizing who it was. Luke. He wasn’t wearing his usual beanie, and instead was keeping his hair plain and messy, just like it was after sex, sweat making the strands stick to his forehead.

Eyes trailing down to your books, you muttered quietly, “I thought it was part of the deal that we don’t talk in school.”

“It is but you weren’t replying to my texts and I really needed you last night,” Luke sighed, making you raise an eyebrow at him, not that he noticed. It had been three days since the day you had let yourself out of his house and since the last time you guys had interacted in any sexual activities.

You had been waiting for the text that he would send that night, getting you to get over to his house after band practice but the more you waited, the more you thought about it. It had gotten to the stage you were checking your phone for any new notifications every few minutes, and finding yourself more and more relieved when the notification never came. Sure, you had found the whole friends with benefits great at the beginning but you started to long for a more...romantic relationship. And you certainly wouldn’t class fucking Luke in a public bathroom romantic.

“Sorry,” You sighed unapologetically, eyes never moving up to meet Luke’s eyes which stayed firmly on you, watching as you fumbled with your textbooks, “I didn’t see your messages.”

That was a blatant lie but Luke didn’t need to know that. You had seen his message pop up on your phone screen last night, but you never bothered to tap into it or to reply. You found yourself pushing you away from your phone, keeping it further than arms distance s your hands didn’t work against you, and message him back, so that you didn’t end up over there, tangled up in his sheets whilst he walked out on you again.

“Well I have a band performance tonight, I can text you the address and you can meet me there, we can head back to mine?” Luke suggested, leaning coolly against the lockers as he spoke, seeing a hesitant and faint nod coming from your ducked head. A smirk arose onto his face as he spoke quieter, leaning closer to you, “Or we can go into the janitor’s closet right now.”

Head whipping up to look at him, his hazel eyes meet your widened ones, his smirk growing even bigger. He pushed himself off of the lockers, hands in the pockets of his jeans but you took one step backward and further away from him, shaking your head, “I’m late for class.”

“Oh come on y/n,” Luke tried to coerce, giving you a small groan with a pout. He reached out for your arm, grabbing it softly and giving you a small tug closer to him but you stayed firmly planted on the ground you stood on.

Luke was good at a lot of things, and normally you would cave but not today. Sure, you wouldn’t be completely objected to meeting up with him later, even if you didn’t completely want to but you would not do it with him right now. He had gotten good at getting what he wanted from you, but he would not be getting this, no matter how many pouts and puppy eyes he gave you.

“No.”

Luke pouted again, giving you a mocking pout but you averted your gaze making him whine a little, “Oh y/n/n, you’re no fun.”

Turning on your heels you started to walk away from him, noticing how deserted the hallways were, and suddenly realizing just how late for class you were. However, you didn’t speed up, walking calmly as you shouted over your shoulder, “Send me the address for your gig, Patterson.”

. . .

Logically, you knew that walking to the venue that Luke was playing at was the best option considering he would be driving you to his place. You knew that your car would most likely be abandoned at the venue if you did take it, and Luke probably wouldn’t give you a ride to get it afterward so you decided to walk instead. That’s probably why you arrived a little too early, Luke still performing when you got there.

You couldn’t dispute that Luke was a very talented musician but you guys never spoke about his band or the work he did for it. You knew that music would forever come first to Luke, over everything and anything as that was what he was truly passionate about, and seeing him in his element finally was nice.

Somehow, he managed to find you in the crowds, subtly smirking at you but only so you could tell. His eyes didn’t stay on you too long, and you weren’t too sure if that was because he didn’t want anyone to catch on or if he simply didn’t care but you were thinking the latter. You were just technically a ‘booty call’ after all, even if the term made you feel sick.

Thankfully, it wasn’t long before they all finished up and people filed out of the venue. You, of course, waited behind, knowing that Luke would not want to be seen getting into a car with a girl so you awkwardly waited about. It wasn’t long before the venue was practically empty, and you felt a ping of a notification causing your phone to vibrate.

go to the bar and ask for my keys, they know to give them to you

You texted back an okay before going to the bar and retrieving the keys, thanking the barman, and walking out to Luke’s car. There was only a handful of times that you had been in Luke’s car, actually, you could only count two. One was him driving you from where he met with you to a cafe because he left something there the previous day and one was from meeting up with you somewhere to go to his house.

You found yourself slouching down in the passenger seat of Luke’s car, head just peeking over the dashboard. The parking lot was pretty much abandoned, but you didn’t want to be caught by anyone in Luke’s car anyway, you couldn’t imagine Luke would be too pleased if you were.

Luke arrived out not long after, his hair slightly damp and you could only imagine that he had taken a shower out before meeting with you. How considerate. He took the car keys off of you, giving you a small thank you before he started up the car and started to drive without another word. You, personally, didn’t plan on breaking the silence, knowing that Luke did not like small talk so you weren’t about to start it.

Eyes trained on the road, you drummed your fingers on your thigh to the rhythm of the music that played quietly through the radio. That was until Luke pulled up at the side of the road. Confused, you furrowed your eyebrows and turned towards him, “What? Why did you stop?”

He turned towards you, giving you a small smile before caressing your cheek slightly and going into the backseat. From his position there, he leaned over and kissed you on the lips with a lot of force, grabbing at your shirt and tugging you softly towards him.

Breaking away from the kiss, you looked towards him knowing exactly what he was indicating. Opening your mouth in shock, you started to shake your head, “Luke we can’t do this in your car-”

“C’mon y/n, live a little.”

It wasn’t long until you clambered into the back of the car with Luke, him attaching your lips again but you felt him smirk into the kiss. He helped you out of your trousers and smirked at you, making direct eye contact as he did so. Then he ripped your top off and threw it to the side.

He was on top of you soon enough, one of your hands in his hair and one trailing down his back. You were both in minimal clothing, both with simply your underwear on. His hand left your waist side as he fumbled to get something from the pouch in his car, pulling out a condom.

Pulling away, you turn to look at the foil in his hands, your lips parting slightly. Luke put the foil down, but your eyes stayed on it as a hand hooked under your face. Your face was shifted up to make your eyes meet Luke’s hazel ones. He silently asked if you were okay, making you nod your head and send him a weak smile before he kissed you again. And there, another night with Luke begun.

However, today it was different. Sure, you felt the pleasure of having sex with Luke, but the adrenaline, the addictiveness wasn’t the same. It wasn’t as good as you remembered it. You thought that maybe you were just having an off day and you just weren’t really feeling it today but the more you thought about it the more unappealing it became. Luke was attractive for sure and you knew girls that would pay good money, betray their best friends and drop everything for the chance to fuck the hottest guy in school but the want wasn’t there for you anymore.

Breathing heavily, you felt Luke get up from his position on top of you, grabbing his jeans that had been disregarded under one of the seats, putting his shirt back on as he climbed back to the front. You looked at where he was, clearly waiting for you to get dressed and that’s what you did, hesitantly. However, you felt a blush rise to your cheeks in embarrassment as you thought about it. Shit.  

“Everything okay, y/n?” You heard Luke ask, eyes catching onto his through the rear-view mirror. Despite the dark lighting in the car hiding your deep crimson blush, he could still tell you were embarrassed.

“Luke I forgot to pack another shirt.”

His eyes went wide as you bit your lip, looking down at your lap, your arms crossing over your chest, trying your best to cover your naked torso. He quickly clambered out of the car, going into the trunk and getting something without another word before reaching into the car and passing you something. His sweatshirt.

E/c eyes meeting his hazel ones, you looked at him hesitantly, to which he moved the sweatshirt closer to you, encouraging you to take it. So you did. Once you were fully clothed, you moved back into the front of the vehicle, and Luke slid back into the driver's seat and started the car up without another word.

It wasn’t long before he took an unfamiliar turn, causing you to furrow your eyebrows, “Hey Luke, this isn’t the way back to yours. I think you took the wrong turn.”

“I’m not driving to mine, I’m taking you back home,” He commented, noticing but not commenting on the wide eyes and parted lips that you sent him way. He knew that he wasn’t the nicest guy, or the most affectionate, but did you really expect he would abandon you to find your own way home in the deep hours of the night?

But unknown to him, you did. You expected him to drive back to his, maybe have sex again, and leave you to find your own way home. Or if you were lucky, would drop you off on the main road, and walk half of the way home. However, you wouldn’t say that to him. You knew that Luke wasn’t a bad guy and you certainly didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying something like that.

Once again, you both found your way into a silence that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, simply listening to the quiet playing of the music on the radio. It was some punk rock channel because you knew how much Luke despised mainstream stuff. The only other sound you could hear was the occasional passing car.

“Hey, Luke?” You piped up, breaking the silence that the car held, despite the radio playing softly in the background. He kept his eyes on the road as he took another turn simply humming at you to let you know that he was listening, “Thanks. For the sweatshirt, I mean.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just give me it back when you come over to mine next time,” Luke said nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the road. Head ducking down, you simply nodded as you felt your stomach fall slightly, suddenly everything clicking into place.

You knew why you didn’t want to continue with Luke. You knew why you no longer enjoyed the sex anymore. And you knew exactly what you had to do.

. . .

It was the next day that you were sat outside of Luke’s house, apprehensive as to if you wanted to truly go through with this. Yet, you knew that you had to. With a parcel in hand, along with a small envelope containing a letter and your house key to Luke’s house, you walked up to the front of the house, going to place the parcel down. The overhang would protect it if it was to rain, or maybe you could just ring the doorbell and run away. Yet, in your moments of hesitation, the door was opened and you were faced with an older brunette woman.

“Oh hello, darling. Can I help you?” She asked, smiling sweetly at you. You knew exactly who this was, it was Emily, Luke’s mom.

“Yeah actually, you can,” You smiled sweetly at her despite your nerves, shifting front foot to foot. Despite knowing Luke for a while and being...involved with him for a few months, you had never actually met Emily before but just from the way she acted, you knew she was a great person. She was a real sweetheart to you anyway, “can you give this to Luke for me, please?”

“Luke is upstairs, you can give it to him yourself if you want,” She smiled back, stepping back almost silently inviting you to go into her house and deliver the parcel to Luke yourself.

However, that was the last thing you wanted to do. Having to awkwardly in person explain that you needed love and wanted romance, so you chickened out and wrote him a letter instead. But you knew that the letter would explain everything, and it would let Luke know that he didn’t do anything wrong, you couldn’t promise yourself that you would be able to do that in the heat of the moment. 

Profusely shaking your head, you held the parcel containing his sweatshirt out to her, “Oh no, no, no, I think it’s best I get on my way. I have stuff to do anyway. Thank you, Mrs. Patterson.”

“You’re welcome darling,” With that, she gave one last smile and you started to walk away, leaving her to close the door behind her. You made your way to the car, going in and sitting down but you just sat there for a few moments, looking over what just happened. Quickly, you pulled out your phone, going down to Luke’s contact and hovering over his name, thumb shaking wildly.

Biting your lip you quickly tap into it and block his contact. This was the way it had to be, you knew that. You knew that if he asked you to come over or if he texted you that you would cave because you were a sucker for his puppy eyes and always would be. It wasn’t a secret to you that you have feelings for him, it was always something you had considered even though it was firmly put that feelings were off the table. You just wished for him to hold you in his arms, to hug you, to kiss you with the same passion but also kiss you with tender love, to tell you that he loved you.

Yet, at the end of the day, you knew you couldn’t have him. He would never give you what you wanted, he wasn’t the hugging type; the date type. After all, he was trained for sin, and that was all he was willing to give. 

[shini--chan]

I love you're writing skills! How would be the reader react when she travel the time back so like the 1600 in England?. And England would she see her in modern clothes. She want go back to her time(2020). Im so sorry for my bad English

Thank you, that is very sweet of you. Also don’t worry – your English probably isn’t as bad as you think.

If you want to see anything else set in that period, go and check that Pirate AU! Post. Now on to this here.

Yandere England – 1600s/Timetravler

Whether you would like it or not, you would find yourself hurtling through time and landing in England during the 17th century. Right in Puritan England to be precise, literally the worst decade to land into right after ending up in the middle of a battle. You would be wandering the countryside, in total confusion as well as in complete panic. That would be how Arthur would find you. He would be heading back home, utterly disgruntled by the state of affairs that he would have to suffer under. Then he would notice you, an alien entity by all means, in your strange clothing and foreign manners. First, he would consider just leaving you to your fate (which could be very gruesome) as the loon you would appear to be to him. Then he would remember the supposed Christian values of hospitality and altruism and approach you to take you home with him.

You would be both relieved and frightened to see somebody approach you. Through his clothing it would dawn upon you that you were really in the past. Despite fearing being deemed a witch or being interrogated or suffering from any other fate that would cross your mind, you would know that you would need help. The moment Arthur would open his mouth to inquire about you, the final nail would be hammered in the coffin. The Old English that would meet your ears would be absolute proof that was once history would be your present. A notion that would be affirmed when Arthur’s face would wrinkle in confusion when you would use your English.

Your strange use of his language would confuse, but would nevertheless ring a bell in the back of his mind. It would remind him how English had developed over the centuries. Would your way of using it just be a natural result of further evolution, hence making you a … timetravler? That would be at least what you would be trying to convey over the language barrier. Arthur would be sceptical at first, wanting to rule out all other possibilities before believe you. If you’d think him to be a fool, then you’d have something else coming. Then you’d try to use evidence to convince him.

Quickly, he grabbed the strange thing you were holding out to him. After giving you a brief mistrusting look, he would take a few steps away from you. A paranoid bastard as ever, he turned to stand in such a way that you couldn’t see everything he was doing while keeping an eye on you.

The thing that you handed to him was unlike anything he had ever seen before. It was rectangular and slim, smooth with its dark glass and opaque surfaces. He glimpsed his own cruel visage in the reflection. Was it nothing more than a strange mirror?

Then he went on to inspect the sides, the tips of his fingers finding a few elevations in the material. Curious, he pressed one of them …

… and nearly dropped it when the dark glass promptly lit up and it emitted a strange sound. You yelled besides him, suddenly directly at his side since your device had been endangered. He was sure that hadn’t his reflexes been so quick, then he would have to defend himself against a very enraged stranger. Instead, you glare at him, as irritated as you were, and tried to snatch your thing back.

Agitated by your action in turned, Arthur roughly pushed you away, sending you sprawling to the ground. You cussed at him, the aggressor recognising a few of the swears you tossed at him but not finding himself bothered enough to respond and instead staring at the picture that had manifested.

There was a colourful background, the nuances and lines and shadows showing a painting that was far more realistic then any he had ever seen before. In front of it, a series of number shined at him. One set was probably the time, he deduced, while the other was most likely the date from how it was written.

2021 …

That was nearly 400 hundred years in the future. He looked at you, observed how you had picking stones out of your scraped and bleeding palms.

Despite your disagreeable demeanour, you would likely prove very useful to him.

He would promptly take you with him, trying his best to convey to you through gestures and miss-matched words that he would only want to help you. If you prove define, then he would coerce you into following him by taking your smartphone hostage. Once you would calm down, then you would rationalize that this would probably be the best option you could receive and concede his wishes.

Arthur would keep you in his house, ensure that all the servants would steer clear from the rooms he would house you in, and gradually butter up to you, with all intentions of drawing the details of his future out of you. Other than that, he would intently observe you, knowing that the behavioural patter say a lot about a person, and in extension, give clues about the environment they grew up in. And needly to say, he would be very surprised by some things.

“You know, it is the third time you demand to be allowed to wash yourself this week. Don’t you think you are going too far? There is miasma in the water, and if you continue like this, not only will you render yourself a fool, but you’ll also become sick”, he chided you as he watched you hauled a bucket up the stairs.

As weak as you were, you were struggling with your heavy load, evidence to the lack of physical labour you had done in your life. It made Arthur ask himself if everybody in the future would be as weak and spoiled as you are, or if you were just the exception.

Either way, while manners and etiquette called for him to ease your burden which you evidently couldn’t manage on your own, he found the sight of you straggling up the flight of cold stone steps far too amusing to intervene.

With trembling arms, your set down the bucket and stared at him, eyes shooting daggers up at him. “In case you didn’t know, it is dirt that actually makes people sick. It is cleanliness that prevents infection. Which is why you would do well to wash daily as well!”

With a frown, Arthur picked up his shirt to sniff it. In his opinion, he didn’t stink, so he didn’t see what you were making such a fuss about. He was also sure he had understood you correctly – the two of you had managed to sort out things to the extent that you could communicate fairly well.

“I think that changing underclothing daily and bathing once a month to be sufficient. And now, before you say anything, be sure to keep your attitude in check. I’ve had more than enough of it”, he told you.

He watched your face wrinkle and swore he heard you mutter: “Damn patriarchy and its superiority complex.”

He didn’t know whether to be alarmed about your very simplistic, black-and-white view of the world and your grievous oversimplifications of the current era or be amused about how you thought you knew everything. Either way, he would have to take your words about the future with a grain of salt – who knew just how skewed your recounts would be.

“I fail to see how this has to do with that. The matter at hand is about the guest treating the host with respect, expected courtesy allowing humans to live together. I could put you out on the streets if you keep being a brat”, he countered.

You grasped the handle once more, water spilling over the rim as you picked it up with both hands. “We both know that you wouldn’t do that. You value me too much.”

And oh, in what ways he was beginning to value you.

For one, he would detest how condescending you would be, due to having all the knowledge of the next centuries and all the benefits that would come with it. Yet, he would bare most of it. When he wouldn’t, he’d let his sharp-tongue and centuries worth of life experience come to light. He would mock you for your nativity and prod at you for being coddled and accustomed to yet-to-be luxuries.

Arthur would tell you that he would put effort in finding a way to send you back to your own time. That would be a shameless lie. He wouldn’t be interested in anything of the sort. Rather he would insist on you staying with him, to help him further his imperial ambitions. Besides, you would be the most interesting and riveting thing that would have happened to him in ages. He would quickly grow attached to you, and with you having nobody else than him (he would ensure that) in a harsh and foreign world of which you would truly know little, you would find yourself relying on him.

He might tell you that he is a personification. Secrets for secrets, after all. And with him providing proof of his semi-immortality and the absurdity of time travel having happened you would be inclined to believe him. England would also tell you that if you would return to your own time, he would be sure to seek you out, so that you can be back together again. Besides rising alarm bells in your head, you would find yourself asking just how much of the timeline you would end up altering with the scrapes of information that he would wheedle out of you.

[c-is-for-circinate]

So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

[moonbeam-writing]

Request: “sugino's childhood friend is the student council vp + #2 student. they like e/o but have been on bad terms ever since he dropped to 3-e. she didn't have friends besides him + her cousin maehara so she's sad about it but hides it under a new cold personality,, chairman coerces her into being a student-teacher at 3-e to help kill korosensei + her cold attitude causes problems w/ the class. what if she eventually befriends everyone + makes up with maehara but stays hostile towards sugino 🤔 tysm!” + “ah yes it's the sugino requester here! yes i would like it to have a happy ending :)) thanks so much, i'm looking forward to it!” + “oh yeah it's the sugino requester here again! sorry for the third ask but feel free to add any jealousy related elements 👀 i hope you enjoy writing <3”

— Reconnecting

๑ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡

๑ Characters: Tomohito Sugino (Assassination Classroom)

๑ Quick Note: Hello, darling! Thank you so much for requesting this! I had a bunch of fun writing this, sorry if it’s a bit long or not 100% like the request, but I feel like I got the major stuff. I really hope you like it!

๑ Warnings: None, really. Just fairly angsty, though, as always, there’s hurt/comfort vibes and a happy ending. :)

๑ Word Count: 3,562

—

(Y/N) (L/N) considered herself to be at the top of the world.

They were exactly where they were supposed to be so far in her life, getting exactly what they wanted and what they aimed for from how much work they put in. (Y/N) may have been one step down from the very top, but they were more than willing to take the place they earned. They were the top girl in the entirety of Kunugigaoka Junior High and there was nothing more satisfying than knowing that, aside from her place on the student council, but even that wasn’t quite the same. High grades came with high status, and in a school as ruthless as this one, she loved nothing more than knowing that the fruits of her own labor were what were keeping her safe.

Granted, it was lonely at the top. No one really liked anyone at Kunugigaoka for the most part. Sure, there were friendships, but all of them seemed either fake or hanging on by a thread. The admiration of others like her or the principal’s son wasn’t all that real, either. That admiration became jealousy and envy in seconds. People were willing to do virtually anything and use almost anyone to keep their grades up. Anything to avoid getting transferred to 3-E, that is. You were doomed if you managed to drop down to the “End Class,” no one had ever heard a story of someone being sent there coming back. It was like a story made up to keep everyone in line, only it wasn’t a story. It was very, painfully real and the stories served their purpose.

     (Y/N) had once had friends with her. She still did to an extent, but it wasn’t the same. Or, at least, they didn’t think it was. There was her cousin, Maehara, and Sugino, her best friend. They were thick as thieves, though, E Class brought separation, putting up a barrier between herself and the boys. The barriers were different for each boy, though.

Maehara was family, close family at that. He was (Y/N)’s first and best friend in the universe. The added bonus of sharing blood, however, was what kept them close. The two had to attend family gatherings, meaning that even if their academic endeavors kept them apart, their personal lives weren’t going to get in their way, either.

     Sugino, however, was a friend. A friend without any family ties or any true reason to seek (Y/N) out, or at least, that’s what he had thought. (Y/N) left things fairly open when Sugino had to switch classes, completely putting her reputation on the line for him. They had always sent soft smiles and friendly winks his way when they passed each other on campus, but they never got any sort of response or reaction. It just created shame and embarrassment on both of their ends.

After a month or two, (Y/N) worked to make herself move on. They couldn’t forget him entirely, nor would she let herself, but they also acknowledged all of the variables that came with Sugino’s new situation. His world was essentially being turned upside down. Everything he had and had known before being shipped up the mountain was being taken away from him and changed. (Y/N) couldn’t even begin to understand what he was going through, and honestly, she didn’t want to. At this point, (Y/N) just wished things could go back to how they were. They missed their best friend, and they missed not feeling hurt by him.

It was only a matter of time until the universe pushed the two back together, though.

Despite being one of the best students and having absolutely nothing to worry about, (Y/N)’s stomach and heart dropped, they were called to the principal's office. (Y/N) wasn’t sure if there ever was or would be a point in time where the man didn’t scare her, but that was the least of her concerns at that moment. They could have been asked anything in that office. They could have been told anything in that office. Anything could have happened, and the worst part was that it likely couldn’t have been something she could share. Even if they wanted to, or it  was deemed that it was something they could share in the first place, but wasn’t sure they’d even have it in themself to. Even though Principal Asano paraded himself as some kind of borderline neutral and caring man, everyone knew that he was the exact opposite.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” (Y/N) fought the shake in their voice, but it wasn’t quite enough to get rid of it. She may have closed herself off after Sugino and Maehara left, but the man’s intimidation factor was something that couldn’t be ignored. It was all too intense and the dark appearance and atmosphere of the room did nothing to calm her nerves.

“I did.” His deep voice sounded almost cheerful, more than (Y/N) would have liked to hear. She would have preferred his rumbling monotone over this. “I have been doing some thinking recently and as it turns out, you’re the only one I can think of to handle this job.”

(Y/N) stared at the man in front of them curiously. They weren’t sure what he wanted, and they didn’t like that. The worst part, however, is that (Y/N) knew she wouldn’t have much of a choice. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes. I believe Class 3-E needs a bit of extra help.” (Y/N)’s stomach began to twist. “Unfortunately, I need my son to stay where he is, but you,” he paused, peering up at her from his desk, “you are a bit more flexible in regards to things like this. You help people all the time after all.” 

(Y/N) felt herself swallow heavily. There were so many possibilities of what could happen that they felt like they might not be able to cope. Sure, Maehara was there, but that seemed to be the only bright side. (Y/N) knew going up the mountain would be rough, and she wished she could find even the slightest bit of wiggle room to decline his so-called offer.

Asano, however, did not appreciate (Y/N)’s silence. He hated the obvious hesitance to answer even more. For someone in her position, (Y/N) seemed to have more resolve than he expected; others would have already given in with panicked compliance. He had noticed (Y/N)’s change over time, however, it made her the way she appeared; unmoving and closed off. Then he thought of his best bargaining chips. “You know people there, correct?”

“Almost everyone.” (Y/N) replied, not answering with what he wanted to hear on purpose. “I fear that not everyone would appreciate my presence, no matter how nice I am, though.” It was the truth and (Y/N) felt it needed to be said. It was a genuine concern and (Y/N) didn’t want to overstep; they would have every right to not like her and (Y/N) would never be able to blame them.

“I’m sure that’s not true. You have family in the E class. A cousin, correct?” 

“Yes, sir.” (Y/N) knew at this moment that he had officially backed them into the farthest corner he could.

“I’m sure he’ll love to see you.” His words were final; there was no getting out of this. “Now, there are a few things that will make this arrangement different.”

(Y/N) ignored the memory that wouldn’t leave them alone in the last few days. They hated that they let themself  be cornered that way and hated that they weren't too surprised even more. Kunugigaoka was corrupt and heavily classist, they knew that, but it was still wild to them. That was the environment they were growing up in, and because of the principal, it was arguably getting worse.

There were multiple things that (Y/N) had to face that morning that they weren’t ready for. All issues varied in their severity, but (Y/N) viewed all of them as something to worry about. Once (Y/N) thought of them, however, they noticed that their priorities may have been a bit skewed.

The strangest part that (Y/N) had to worry about was the main teacher of Class 3-E. The teacher, who was named Koro-Sensei by his students, was actually an alien. Not only that, but an alien that destroyed most of the moon and planned on doing the same to Earth. As much as (Y/N) wanted to ignore it, the gun and knife tucked into the waistband of their skirt and meeting a government agent absolutely destroyed that option.

There was also the class itself. (Y/N) once knew all of them and was even on good terms with almost all of them, but things definitely change once you’re booted off the main campus. (Y/N) was sure that no matter how nice she made sure to be to them that they wouldn’t accept any of it. She was considered top tier while they were nothing as soon as they got transferred. (Y/N) knew she couldn’t blame any of them for how they might feel or react to her.

Then, of course, there was Sugino. In (Y/N)’s mind, Sugino was the scariest thing about that day and their foreseeable future. Would he be even a little happy to see them? Would he talk to them at all now that (Y/N) was in his territory? It seemed dumb to (Y/N) that this was what got to them the most, but it was what it was. They had been inseparable, and now things were different, so wildly different. (Y/N) didn’t think she was ready.

(Y/N) let out a breath as they stood in front of the door to 3-E. She wasn’t sure if it was something that had been held in because of nerves or the trek up the mountain, but it helped remind them to breathe. They rolled her shoulders back and took another deep breath. (Y/N) could do this. If they could talk shit to the principal’s son’s face, they could face their old classmates and friends.

They knocked on the door, waiting for the ‘come in’ before moving. Carefully closing the door behind them, they quickly glanced between their peers and the being in front of them. Bewildered by the teacher didn’t even truly begin to describe what (Y/N) thought, but they decided it was a good start as they continued to stand awkwardly by the door, purposefully ignoring all of the eyes on them. There were only two people (Y/N) felt they could look in the eye and they were Maehara and Nagisa Shiota, a boy who they swore didn’t have a mean bone in his body and reciprocated (Y/N)’s kindness. The fact that (Y/N) felt like they couldn’t look at Sugino definitely didn’t get past them, but they were absolutely going to force themself to forget it for the time being.

“Ah! You must be Miss (L/N)! Welcome!” The alien enthusiastically greeted. It was almost overwhelming if (Y/N) was being honest.

“Uh, yes, hello.” (Y/N) felt bad about their feeble response, but that was all they could seem to say. Honestly, (Y/N) knew the experience was going to be something else, especially as time past and (Y/N) closed themself off to the world. Everyone in the building probably saw her as two-faced, they were sure of it. “Truth be told, I’m not sure why I’m here.” At this point, (Y/N) figured being honest was the best and only way to go about things. “I know it had something to do with being a tutor or student teacher or something, but I saw your guy’s test scores, none of you really have anything to worry about.”

“You’re probably here to help off him more than anything, (N/N).” Maehara laughed. “He doubts us so much.” He trailed off sarcastically.

(Y/N) was grateful for it; they felt like it took some of the pressure off of them. “Right. I mean, nothing was said about spy work or whatever, so I guess it could be literally anything else.” (Y/N) tried joking along, though they knew it didn’t land as well as they would have wanted.

“Right, well, it likely was for the assassination, so good luck! I’m Koro-Sensei and I wish you luck in killing me!” Koro-Sensei’s face changed and (Y/N) felt their stomach drop in dread. 

---

A few days had passed and things were going as smoothly as they could in the End Class. (Y/N) was definitely feeling the pressures that came with the new environment and couldn’t help but mentally commend everyone for how well they all seemed to keep up with everything. (Y/N) was admittedly rather shocked, though. Everyone seemed to warm up to her again, despite the clear change in her exterior. No one knew how the change came about, but they didn’t question it much, other than Karma who took a fair amount of joy in poking at (Y/N) every chance he got.

That being said, not everyone really interacted with (Y/N) if they didn’t have to, and she was more than okay with it. It did hurt, however, that Sugino was one of those people. (Y/N) wasn’t sure whether they were shocked or not, but it still left them with a weird sense of being hurt, despite how it was presented as indifference. That was their best friend, someone they considered to be their soulmate, platonic or otherwise, and now he wouldn’t even spare her a glance.

(Y/N) was torn between wanting to move on and wanting to fight. They knew that Sugino was the only one who could truly change his mind, but (Y/N) still held hope that their bond could be repaired. That hope only grew as time went on and (Y/N) spent more time in 3-E with everyone. (Y/N) felt as though they could feel that Sugino still felt something towards her and hoped that it was something positive, or at least neutral enough to talk to her a bit more than when he needed to.

To outsiders, (Y/N) could understand how some of it may have seen it as somewhat ridiculous or weird that she was still holding onto something like this, however, there were things that no one else knew about the situation. Funnily enough, that just so happened to be the majority of the details. The details, truly, were as clear as day if someone were to think about it for a moment, however, (Y/N) supposed it was the fault of anyone who misunderstood, not hers, and definitely not Sugino’s.

Whether anyone thought about it or not, Sugino’s transfer really wasn’t all that long ago. Just long enough for their mutual dread to set in and become part of their routines. It was a shame how quickly everything came about, but there was nothing either of them could have done about it. Neither of them were sure where they stood with the other.

Another seemingly obvious detail is that the two never said anything to the other about the situation. Not obviously, anyways. The news of someone going to the E Class had always been something that spread like a wildfire. Even though Sugino didn’t say it, he didn’t need to and (Y/N) only had words of comfort to offer. Sugino hadn’t wanted to hear it, though. He stormed away and (Y/N) was so shocked they couldn’t calm their mind enough to consider any of the possibly things he must have been feeling.

It was all a fiasco. There were other details, but they were far more miniscule compared to the others. After thinking about it, (Y/N) knew there were things that they were missing, things that they were sure that only Sugino was really aware of. He was the other half of this, after all. Much like how (Y/N) didn’t know what was going on in his mind, Sugino didn’t know what was going on in (Y/N)’s, and they weren’t even sure Sugino would ever want to know.

That Thursday afternoon, however, things were going to change. Much like when (Y/N) was called into Asano’s office, their world was going to shift once again, and drastically.

(Y/N) had assumed that if Tomohito Sugino were ever going to speak to them, it would be because Koro-Sensei needed him to, or because Maehara forced him to. When (Y/N) saw Sugino storming up to them like a man on a mission, they were sure that Maehara was behind whatever was about to come their way. Regardless, they weren’t going to take this opportunity for granted.

“Uh, (Y/N)?” His voice was hesitant, yet strict with nerves. The small, petty part of (Y/N) wanted to ignore him or seem uninterested, but it wasn't as simple as that. Mainly because (Y/N) couldn’t hide their interest, even though they wanted to.

“Hey, Sugino. What’s up?” 

“Not much.” He answered stiffly. “I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?” (Y/N) nodded at the boy and followed him to a quieter place where the two could talk. 

(Y/N) wasn’t sure whether Sugino genuinely wanted to talk or he would have rather been anywhere else. It seemed almost as though Sugino were fighting himself; like he wasn’t fully allowed to embrace the fact that since they had become slightly reacquainted with each other, he had become more comfortable around them. Their situation seemed to get weirder and weirder every time (Y/N) thought about it, making her head spin. 

“So… It’s been a minute since we’ve spoken.” Sugino awkwardly started, trailing off and not daring to look (Y/N) in the eye. 

“Yeah, it has. I mean, you kinda ran off and never even looked at me afterward.” The hurt and slight bit of spite was obvious in their voice. She couldn’t help it; their issues were finally being addressed, and even though (Y/N) was going to be polite enough about her feelings and take any of his into account, she still wanted Sugino to be aware of how badly they were hurt because of his lack of communication. “I’m more than willing to hear you out, but I also hope you know that what you did hurt.”

Sugino nodded his head, finally looking at them. “Of course! And- And I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, really.” There was a brief pause before he continued. “When I got the news and when the word got around and stuff, uh, I was honestly kind of a wreck, but it didn’t really hit until later in the day when I saw you. I know that sounds bad, but like, it wasn’t your fault.”

(Y/N) almost wanted to laugh, to reach a comforting hand out onto his shoulder. Despite their time apart, it almost felt like nothing had changed. (Y/N) still felt the immediate need to show him their support, to make sure that he knew he still had someone unconditionally in his corner. Just sitting there and listening to what he had to say made it feel like any pain that was there didn’t exist, as though it had never been caused in the first place.

“I just- It was dawning on me how my life was ruined, and it bothered me that people spread it around so quickly and so easily. My life was officially over, and all of our classmates and so-called friends were just laughing about it!” He exclaimed. “I was so scared and so ashamed that I felt like I couldn’t face you. I guess, I was just scared that you were going to reject me.” He quieted himself down, letting his fists clench tightly. 

(Y/N) finally broke, resting their hand on top of the closer of his hands. “Sugino, I’m so sorry.”

“I know it’s dumb. You just mean so much to me that I was scared that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I completely messed our relationship up, and I’m sorry. You mean a lot to me, (Y/N); that’s never changed and never will.”

A deep frown settled itself on both of their faces, their fingers now intertwined. The silence was heavy and thoughtful. Neither of them wanted the moment to end, however, they both wished for better circumstances. That being said, they were together and it felt like old times. By that logic, they were on good terms once again, at least to some degree.

“You’re dumb, Sugino.” (Y/N) laughed and gently bumped shoulders with the boy next to them, pulling a laugh from him too.

“So are you, (Y/N).” He answered back, finally letting a small smile rest on his lips. “Wanna go catch up over food?” Sugino sheepishly offered.

(Y/N) laughed, completely unsurprised. “Sure.” She laughed, pushing herself off the ground. They dusted themself off and held out a hand towards Sugino to pull him up, not letting go of his hand. “Let’s go.”

[mc-critical]

I really don’t understand the amount of people who apparently dislike Mihrimah for not giving Rüstem a chance/not having Rüstem grow on her. I don’t know entirely how I feel about Mihrimah as a character but I feel like if you were to dislike her that’d be a silly reason. It was a opportunistic marriage, one she never wanted and to a man she never loved. Not to mention he was also borderline pedophilic (when he said to her on her wedding night that he had been “waiting for this moment for years” when she was 17..okay) and then coercing her into consumating the marriage through the threat of suicide. Sure, the circumstances of Rüstem’s life were sad, but I don’t understand how that entails him being *entitled* to Mihrimah’s love or affection. And if anything I found Rüstem to be misogynistic and possibly even abusive, which likely made marriage to him all the worse. Mihrimah’s definitely not perfect or above criticism, but that doesn’t mean she owed any man love, sex or affection, royal borne woman or not.

I don't understand them, either. Because this is the last thing Mihrimah should be disliked for.

Rüstem is a very odious character with minimal redeeming qualities. His supposed love for Mihrimah is established disturbingly early on and while that may have fled over the audience's heads (it sure did fly over my head when I first watched the show!) because their marriage is a historical fact and as such, is automatically considered the normal course of things - the questionable pedophilic implications are definitely there and send off the alarming signs of utterly problematic behavior. Sure, he's done his duty by saving her after she fell off a horse and (little!) Mihrimah thanked him for it, but it is clearly seen in his eyes by the second episode he's on-screen that there's something more and something baffling when the girl is so young. And it only escalated from there.

Obviously, most of his fanbase ignores or flat out misses this aspect of his character, but I also find people that think that his attitude to Mihrimah is the only bad thing about Rüstem when I find most of his negative traits to be present outside of Mihrimah, but with her witnessing them. I feel the connection to Iskender Çelebi and the way he bacame the stable-man of the castle are his most important character establishing moments: they shine a light into his sneakiness and ability to play dirty, but also reveal his immediate prejudice against Ibrahim. The ambition, similar to Hürrem's, but not for the same reasons, is set up from the get-go. He's seemingly following Iskender, just like he comes to seemigly follow Hürrem, but he always forges his own path for his own gain. His alleged "loyalty" is the thing that Rüstem usually gets the most credit for, but while he begins to look like Hürrem's loyal companion that shall fulfill her every order, this whole facade is deconstructed and ultimately, totally broken apart in S04. His character establishing moments recontextualize all the decisions he makes in that season and show the true nature of his ambition: he followed Hürrem when she prevailed over everyone, he followed her when she seemingly gave him the world and all the desired power and when she and the one she wanted for the throne were put into a disadvantaged position and Selim got the upper hand, he ran straight for the opportunity, despite of him making an oath in front of the Quran not to do that. He turns out to be simply an opportunist hyena who works only for his own gain. Nothing more. Just like he saw the opportunity to get rid of the stable-man before him in the past, now he sees the opportunity to be on the winning side again with Selim. He doesn't care who is he in front of and who he promised what, as long as they're of no use to him, he bails. His "loyalty" immediately disappears from his positive traits, because it turns out he never had it in the first place. People praise him for his loyalty for Mihrimah, but that "loyalty" also lasted so long - when he found out that she wouldn't ever come to love him, he began to bang with Gracia Mendez, in conjunction with the betrayal of what Hürrem stood up for. Now, tell me, how can Mihrimah love such a guy? That was one of the only reasons she tolerated him and when even that was lost, how can she still keep her ties with him?

[His backstory is sad indeed, but the only thing it does is put his actions into perspective, not justify them or make him likeable somehow. Especially when what that "character lore dump" specifically explains is his refusal to tell Nigar where her daughter is - the backstory makes that action logical for his character, but it's still framed as nothing short of spiteful. That said, he still does have some soft sides and the arc with his brother is where I found him the most sympathetic - this is the time Rüstem actually showed vulnerability without false alarms or disguise and his brother was probably the only thing that was precious to him and stayed precious after all these years, consistently throughout his screentime. What helps even more, is the brother's role as a moral compass and the last bridge between the past/his loyalties and the future/the victories he would achieve through opportunism. That was the last gasp of what was left of his possible humanity and after his brother was killed, he let it go almost instantly, because... well, after he willingly chose his own life in the saray, he might as well continue to live it, right? Him saving a boy in S03 without any hesitation whatsoever, was also respectable. But these demonstrations of a softer side of his being are also taking place outside of Mihrimah, but with her not witnessing them altogether. And they do little in changing the general impression of Rüstem's character and his relationship with Mihrimah.]

We have to keep in mind that Mihrimah's whole S03 arc was finding purpose in her life and finding true love. She had many love stories throughout the series with different people, different personalities and different motives to try to make it work with them. No matter what they've went through together and despite of them all having the same outcomes due to different outside (and inside) factors, there is a reason she fell for these people in the first place. Okay, while for Bali Bey it was a bizarre, puppy, immature, childish love, for Taşlicalı something truly genuine began to flourish with all the glances, poems, dedication (Mahidevran succeeded to break them up, but it's not to be denied that Taşlicalı was very hard to convince and he was still thinking of her afterwards) and sweet words. She got a call for a new adventure with him. Bali Bey, on the other hand, was adored by her mostly for his handsomeness, I feel, but even when he tore all her dreams apart, he showed tact and respect. What I mean to say is, if Rüstem has qualities that are "worthy of Mihrimah", wouldn't she see them? Wouldn't she see all these virtues? Because all she sees before the marriage are his words that she will marry him, that she will be his and that's it. The best she sees of him is his good manners when he asks her whether she wants something or stuff, but he could do that with everyone else, knowing his post, and the previous implications make even that alone head scratching. Why would she want a man like that? I agree with all your points. Are you, people, denying Mihrimah her feelings? She realized the potential advantages of this marriage and agreed to do it regardless, why does she have to come to love him when he truly gives her no real reasons to, even before she married him?

I believe Rüstem cares about Mihrimah, albeit in his own distorted, toxic way, but in reality, he didn't do her any good. His relationship with Mihrimah revels in manipulation and facades for her to keep, because she has to "protect" her brothers. Rüstem never actually took account of her own feelings or opinions on matters, especially when what she proposed wasn't an opportunistic enough option for him to afford. Their interactions are mostly focused on the survival of the game and the actions that have to be taken to achieve that. He often puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on her, which while given because of the system they live in, hurt more than it helped. Their relationship was never allowed to flourish in a healthy manner and Mihrimah could never be truly herself in it, not even for a moment. The castle she lived in, her home, was merely full of tension every day, not a source of comfort. His stoic, serious cunning contrasts with her own spirit. Not to mention that it always seemed he considered his marriage to Mihrimah as a price, a goal he had finally achieved and I doubt that she wasn't aware of it to some extent. The root of the marriage is only political opportunism and no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot force a person to love someone they're with only out of sheer necessity, only for a purpose for "the greater good". Rüstem never did anything to earn Mihrimah's love and she shouldn't be hated for not loving him. This is what MC Rüstem is as a character, whether we like it or not, and he isn't a healthy person for Mihrimah. If she couldn't warm up to him when she fully got to know him in their alone time, that means something is missing. That means he just isn't for her and. that's. OKAY.

But there may be reasons why some people could dislike Mihrimah because of it. I offer my experience with cases I've encountered in forums: these people are usually very invested in Hürrem's character to the point they view everything she does as excusable, at the least, so of course they would want to justify Hürrem marrying Mihrimah to Rüstem. But plainly selfish political gain is no justification and that may leave cracks in their view of Hürrem and it all may disturb them to a great amount. That's why they channel this ire on Mihrimah and perhaps demand for her to warm up to Rüstem, so they get the justification Hürrem supposedly deserves, especially paralleled with Valide and Mahidevran's previous attempt to marry Aybige and Mustafa, who.. surprise, surprise (but not really), didn't love each other. There's another facet to this, with people seeing or wanting to see Mihri only as "her mother's daughter" and not wanting to marry, not loving Rüstem destroys that picture, because there's a "crack in the system", she doesn't listen to her mother, who obviously knows better and that could be disappointing or demotivating, given the expectations she has set when she defended her in E84. Or maybe they dislike Mihrimah for not loving Rüstem, because they do find something in him. They love "bad boys" and genuinely don't know why Mihrimah doesn't, either and that could make them see her as an annoyance. Or maybe they just anticipate more juicy scenes between her and Rüstem because of the probable chemistry between the two actors and if they watch it only for the spectacle (believe me, such people really exist!), they may insist that Mihrimah is only spoiled and ruined everything for them. Or maybe, again, people may find this insulting to the historical facts or whatnot and if Mihrimah didn't not stand him, this "mess" of writing could be fixed a little. The writers have ruined her character along with the history, according to them. It's absurd, I know and I don't get it, either, but the reasons are there, as far as I'm concerned. That still doesn't take away from the fact that this is the weirdest accusation you could throw at Mihrimah, with how Rüstem himself is.

You're right that Mihrimah has many other, vastly more offputting traits that she could be disliked for. Little Mihrimah is very brash and spoiled and entitled, to the point she gave her own mother a run for her money. That was gone when she grew up, but it would be understandable if some didn't actually believe the change, especially when she shows this side of hers again every now and then. She could be perceptive, but could also be prone to influence at the same time, sometimes to an annoying degree. There have been times where she has let her own bias lead her and that clouded her judgement in several occasions. She came to idealize her mother too much sometimes, as well. She was terribly insistent on her infatuation with Bali Bey and letting go of it took her very long. She didn't want to listen much to the enemies of her own mother. Her huge love for Bayezid prevented her from viewing Selim as objectively. She could be vengeful. She could be bossy. She couldn't fully face someone calling her out on her mistakes. (the confrontation with Selim in E139) She became so engrained to her castle life that when she was offered a way out, she didn't follow it. All these are very interesting character flaws for me, but I get why they might be a dealbreaker. But disliking or hating her for not loving Rüstem? Heck, hating her for her contribution to Mustafa's death alone is more valid than that! Disliking her for all these flaws piling up together is perfectly reasonable. But for this? It's strange.

[bansheeoftheforest]

I just had an evil idea

I was rereading the branches of the Syndicate AU and-

What if the Templars had to “coerce” Henry into making them poisons? And he happened to make some poisons that make the victim go through excruciating pain, but still not die. (ex. Feeling like their bones were melting, they were on fire, they feel like they are being pulled apart, or something but it doesn’t actually happen) imagine the guilt. Imagine the mix of relief, guilt and fear he hears when his siblings are dead and he has an option to work for the Rooks now. Sure he’s free now, but how long until somebody comes along to tie up the loose ends? How long until they feel he needs to be silenced? How long, how long?

Wait

This could segway into a ghost AU really well

Henry becoming a vengeful spirit hellbent on destroying the Templars and avenging himself and the victims of his poisons, anyone?

-🦎

Sorry for the long ask

(Liz, really, don't apologize! It's not that long of an ask, I have had worse and I just love the content and interactions <3<3<3)

Mmm... The angst. Henry leaving Glasgow with his brother in search for a good life in London, Henry gets his education and studies to become a doctor but he sees how his brothers starts getting involved in bad crowds. It does not take long until they are both Templars and Henry tries to stay out of it, but they force him. They say that if he isn't helping them, he is against them, and they have to get rid of people that are against them. They force Henry to join the Templars under the threat that they will kill him and his friends, later on the Society too (maybe that's how Henry even managed to establish it? Because he has connections to Crawford?) but Henry just grows more and more bitter because he is forced to create poisons to hurt innocent? His brothers just becoming more and more ruthless, he has no way of sabotaging the poisons in an attempt to pull himself away because they test them on their own blighters to make sure it actually works, and he knows what they will do if they find out he sabotaged them. Henry barely being able to sleep knowing what he have done, knowing what he has supported, desperately wishing he could go back in time and convince himself and his brothers to never leave Glasgow, blaming himself for what happened towards their family, knowing the brotherly love and relationships they used to have are long since gone and his brothers only see him as a pawn now?

Can you imagine the guilt when he hears the news that his brothers are dead? Can you imagine the guilt when he feels relieved that they are dead, and that he can wash his hands clean off of the whole Templar business? I don't know what would be best; Henry taking his Templar things and finding the Train hideout, dumping them on the floor telling them that he wants to join the Rooks and help them to make up for the things he was forced to do, the Twins barely believing him but Henry has enough to prove that he has done his best to sabotage the Templars, or the Twins hearing that they missed a Jekyll brother and tracks him down to kill him, only to break into his office as he is burning his templar things and the photos of his brothers in the fireplace? Them demanding to know what he is doing, telling him they are going to kill him anyways because he can't hide his tracks? Henry in absolute exhaustion opening his arms and telling them to go ahead, at this point he wouldn't mind it. The twins mock him, asks him if he is so depressed because they have already killed his brothers, Henry telling them he couldn't be more relieved after the things they forced him to do. If they want to kill him, so be it, but he would much rather work for them and help them get rid of all the Templars and make sure they can't hurt anyone else.

Oh my god-- A Templar/Starrick tracking Henry down after hearing his betrayal, killing him, but Henry becomes a ghost and helps the twins fight the Templars even in death? Suddenly explosives randomly explode in Blighter Hideouts, Templars are found smashed and beaten to death beyond recognition, the twins knowing that Henry is dead and yet they still get poison deliveries? Oh my god we really are going full circle with my aus and I love it <3

OH WAIT IMAGINE IF IT IS THE BRANCH WHEN HENRY IS THE ONE TO KILL HIS BROTHERS? Imagine the twins happily recruiting him, Henry feeling bitter and guilty regardless? Fjfjjf

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Usami Tokishige

🎵 This may become a little brutal If I'm honest but It's any-anything for you my dear, I promise 🎶 You can figure our what I was listening to while writing this piece. Anyway, hope you’ll like it, anon!  You can check tosikowrites tag for more.  Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

The fact that Usami fell in love and now can’t shut up about them is not that surprising since the soldiers of the 7th Division have already witnessed his unhealthy obsession with the First Lieutenant. The dangerous aura of infinite adoration he carries does not bother others as much as well, maybe, because now his cursed energy has more output options, you know? It is not concentrated on one person and seems not so intense. Seems.

No matter how wild his fantasy runs, Usami behaves himself in their presence. Of course, his nerves are as taut as a rope since if he loosens up his attention he may not contain his passion…Chooses words carefully so as not to push them away and comes across as a lovely bubbly young man with the cutest smile! Even sitting in silence together is special. Usami can’t quit staring at them, they are so majestic!

He wants to follow them everywhere. Eat together, go on morning walks together, sleep together. Usami is a human version of burdock that will either quite by accident bump into his crush every other day or shamelessly ask them if they will be in this specific place or if they want to go there with him.

Personal boundaries? Don’t know her. As soon as his loved one gives him green light, Usami’s hands are all over the place. If he isn’t pinching their pink cheeks then he is patting their head. If he isn’t patting their head, he might be squeezing their ass. Usami is all about physical affection in every possible way, and it is extremely important for him to touch his partner. He might even lose it when they put a hand on his knee or take him by the hand, leave alone anything spicier.

Usami will end anyone who steps between him and his loved one. For him this is a cut-throat axiom, it is as natural as breathing, and it should be obvious to the surrounding. Anyone who wants to separate them automatically signs their own death sentence that will be carried out immediately by Usami himself.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

To be friends with the rabid Superior Private, you have to be a mad lad with no moral compass (the questionable moral compass is ok too) just like him or be a literal angel with the patience of a sage and a heart of gold to deal with the chaos Usami brings into your life. Also, this person has to have impeccable reflexes just in case he decides to cut this friendship off. Takagi Tomoharu didn’t and where is he now?

With such a friend, nothing is scary. Friendship with Usami provides invulnerability in situations where an ordinary person would think twice. In addition to that, Tokishige doesn’t really look for troubles and prefers to spend time like a real hedonist: red-light district workers know his preferences very well, the owner in his favorite diner always meets him with a question “the usual?”, and Usami knows places to hang around in general. His friend gets to experience life delights with him as well.

He needs so much attention! If it was up to him, Usami would spend at least an hour every day with them even when they have already talked about every single thing in the world. Everyday chats about nothing are cool, mutual flattery is appreciated. These points lead to Usami being overly possessive: if his best friend suddenly starts spending more time with someone else, he will definitely take action against this stumbling block.

Demands that his friend to follow the “the enemy of my friend is my enemy” rule. They are obligated to get embittered at Ogata. No, Usami doesn’t explain why, they just have to.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Usami has restless ass syndrome. It’s like restless legs syndrome but with ass: he can’t sit still for more than 15 minutes. Cuddles do not last longer than that and often progress into steamy making out. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to cuddle though. Usami prefers to do it while leaving some space for moving so the leg hug is just perfect. Any other position including classical spooning feels like a rabbit trap.

If his partner is bigger than he is, Usami will definitely lie on their chest with legs wiggling up in the air. First of all, now he can see their lovable face, and second of all, he is on top which means being in control.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Eeeh. Does he want to settle down? No, not really. Let’s say, there was no reason for him to think about settling down but even if there was, Usami would aggressively shake his head in negation. He is, just like Koito, too young to plan a quiet family life, and, at the moment, living on the wheels without thinking up ahead seems much more exciting than being chained to one place with one person. In his head, things are kind of overexaggerated but the answer to the question is still no for the next 10 years for sure.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It is highly unlikely that Usami will break up with his partner in a proper manner. Self-deprecating comments and taking the blame for a failed relationship have no place in his explanation if he even decides to talk about it. Most likely Usami will leave them as spontaneously and unexpectedly as he popped up in their life in the first place: hops on a horse, gives them short indifferent look over the shoulder, and fades into the darkness of the night to never be seen again. Maybe, it’s for the better since Usami doesn’t have to face the fact he has nothing to say. Well, he chooses to be silent since crushing them with disinterest that makes the kid throw the old toy into the toybox doesn’t please him either. No check-ups, no letters, no “let’s stay friends”.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Avoids this question to the last minute because he is too young to commit and jump into family life. Usami reminds me of the type of person who wants to experiment in youth so that in old age he would not regret missing exciting opportunities. There is not a chance he will propose until he comes to the conclusion that he has already seen and experienced the most impressive stuff. So, maybe, from 7 to 10 years? Most definitely feels neutral about having an affair or two since he has a pretty lenient conscience.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Emotionally? Absolute emptiness with, perhaps, distorted memories of family love arising here and there. His feelings are strong, aggressive, filled with preceding excitement before the upcoming fun. Calm states of mind such as serenity, clarity, boundless love are too underwhelming for Usami. Wouldn’t call him gentle in the physical sense either: life is motion, and he has to move or do something, anything to feel alive, and impatience makes his moves rough and harsh. Even in a gentle embrace, it seems that he squeezes his loved one to their ribs cracking. He kisses them out until they want to slip out of his hands like a gasping fish. They may like it, they may not, but Usami doesn’t loosen his love grip and remains a (little) wild in the relationship.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Usami hugs them at the most unexpected moments, takes them by storm to squeeze the hell out of them. Perhaps these are his favorite ones, to pick them up high and spin, leaving their legs tingling in the air like a ragdoll.

His hands never stay in one place. Feeling their warm body under the fingertips is indescribable pleasure so Usami gives himself free rein to rub their back, squeeze their sides, press them to his chest, and nuzzle into their neck. He may bite them as well.

Can’t stand to be hugged when he is obviously busy to the point where Usami can kinda gently push them away but sees no problem when he does the same to his partner. Believes that everything can be forgiven for his big puppy eyes (and other particular qualities).

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Casually says it on like the second day of official dating over the cup of tea. Hard to say if he is for real so confident in his feelings or if he does it to check their reaction but nevertheless. Usami looks his loved one right in the eyes with undisguised beaming complacency, and his confession is short, definite, and unobjectionable. Propping his chin with his pale hands, he immediately returns to the casual conversation and keeps going joyfully about whatever on his mind like Usami didn’t just murmur how he is in love with them forever and for ever. After that, he is elated. Confession is a kind of seal of belonging to him, consent of another person is optional, it doesn't matter at all, all that does it that they are his and he is theirs.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

This shit is scary for everybody involved. Usami doesn’t get jealous per se but he has a strong feeling of having his loved one in his possession. Should someone try to covet his partner as hell breaks loose: regardless of who exactly was the initiator, - his loved one or another person, - Usami immediately takes action. In his mind, his partner can’t be guilty of infidelity, they were simply coerced into foul play and have to be taught how to recognize such a thing, they are innocent. This awful other person is different though, they are the ones who need to be taught some manners.

To start a fight Usami needs one dirty look, one carelessly thrown word. This is just an excuse to allow himself to take out all the anger on the poor soul. If Koito likes to gab hours on end but secretly hoping to avoid getting physical, Usami sees talking as a waste of time. Of course, if one fight is not enough, then Usami can go in for murder.

After the accident, he acts a lot rougher with his partner forcing them deeper into submission. To maintain ego and control and to be sure that they know their place, Usami needs praise, persuasion, and tons of physical affection.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Loves the concept of kissing, loves to kiss, and to be kissed. Sees every kiss as a personal signature but also, on another level, rewarding pastime so Usami is all about steamy make-out sessions. He is eager and rough, oftentimes marks his partner in visible areas with not only bright hickeys but with straight out bites. The look of dark crescents from his teeth scattering on their delicate neck turns Usami on like nothing else.

Likes to be kissed all over the body, would prefer them to be as rough though since casual soft kisses don’t really set a mood for him. The same goes for them, Usami won’t leave a spot unkissed on their body. Has a thing for the neck, wrists, and insides of the thighs.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Don’t let him around kids because it seems like Usami is good at it but in reality, he just builds up an army of naughty children to throw eggs at the neighbor's door. He like a devil coerces the goody angel into a mini-revolution under the nose of parents without offering any candy. Give this man a free hand, remove Tsurumi from his life, and you’ll see Usami growing into a cult leader. So, yes, he is pretty good with children older than like 5-6 years old, can’t do shit with babies younger than that. Usami hasn’t thought about being a father himself because beyond pranks and fun he knows absolutely nothing, zero, nada about raising children.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Incredibly active and varied if Usami managed to fall asleep before midnight the day before. He unceremoniously wakes his partner up either covering their face with kisses or pulling the blanket off them or starting a pillow fight. Expects his loved one to rise and shine without spending an hour just sitting here with an empty stare in the void.

Even when Usami collapses in the bed at dawn, it is possible that he will accidentally wake them up with a sweeping elbow blow to the nose. During the cold season, his partner should be ready to wake up trembling without a blanket. This bastard steals it every other night.

It is rare to see Usami cooking or doing anything useful at all in the house in the morning. He prefers to wander around while his partner lays the table and talk out loud to himself.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Unpredictable. He may get lost for an evening, come back with no explanation (we all know he was up to no good), and crash next to them with a smug smile. Other nights Usami can’t leave them alone: it feels like it is vital for him to fiddle with their fingers, play with their hair, pull them into a tight hug. The maximum relaxation effect is achieved with a couple of bitter sake shots drunk before meals.

Sleeping. Nobody canceled messed up sleeping schedule (check out the last letter of the alphabet) so Usami may have to make up for it by going to bed as early as 8 p.m.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Opens up slowly but doesn't pay much attention to what exactly he is saying. Everything that has happened to the present moment is already history so Usami treats it as such. What once pleased or upset him does not evoke any strong emotions now and he easily reveals his past to the loved one. Usami, of course, avoids mentioning the murder of his friend but with a partner who very clearly shows their loyalty, he will not hesitate to describe how much it turned him inside out and changed him, opening doors to the darkest corners of his soul. In return, Usami asks his loved one tons of questions from favorite color to a relationship with their mother, feeling free to ask the most intrusive ones.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He is in the state of the boiling kettle 24/7, ready to whistle for any given reason. Not that he is that angry, but definitely in an unstable state of mind. When he gets pissed off, Usami doesn't change in the face, except that his smile can get even wider baring sharp small teeth. In most cases, other people have to restrain his anger so the military does a good job at keeping Superior Private in check with an iron fist out of battles and letting him go wild when the situation requires it.

In the relationship, Usami teeters on the brink just like the outside of it but his reactions to upsetting situations are milder and are easily resolved by sublimating desire to destroy into intense workout, make out, etc. He is easy to blow out but he tries really hard to do not harm his loved one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

There is a whole room in his mind palace to store volumes of information about the loved one. Usami thrives on discovering different aspects of his partner’s personality in deep conversations and in characteristic behavior that he enjoys so much to observe. Therefore, nothing goes unnoticed.

Perfectly navigates the tone of their voice: Usami knows exactly how their sadness sounds when they try to veil it with cheerful words and when to step back when they rise their voice in a fit of anger. Awfully useful with a person who has a hard time communicating and/or expects others to understand them just like that.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He doesn’t have a favorite one. All meaningful moments like the first meeting, first kiss, other first times occupy equally important places in his heart so if asked Usami will murmur how every second with them is unthinkably precious and he can’t pick just one!

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Ready to faithfully protect his partner in the most dangerous situations. It is obvious, isn’t it? Usami will cover them like a shield on the battlefield, but most of the time he prefers to eliminate the source of danger: thanks to a state of perpetual alert and intense adrenaline rush, he can ignore multiple injuries for hours while shooting off foes. Usami lacks the voice of reason so he tends to overreact when it is completely out of place.

Oh, Usami doesn’t let anybody touch his loved one. As soon as he sees a hand reaching to them, he reflexively grabs it if not twists it with excessive force. Strangers understand they should not mess with Usami from his piercing look but there is always a fool who tempts fate in vain.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Not that much. He doesn't bother planning dates and gifts but sometimes there are moments of enlightenment that make Usami sit down and think about how to impress his loved one in a good way. Most of the time he prefers spontaneity to foresight since in his mind whatever is fun to him will work for them too.

Anniversaries are the dates when Usami is all sweetness and light: he runs around his loved one ready to bend over backward for their enjoyment. Seriously, he is ready to be used as a footrest for the whole day if it’s what they want.

Slacks on everyday tasks though, he is great at avoiding daily chores under the stupidest pretext.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I won't even start talking about how unhinged he is, you should have had figured it out by now. I just have to mention again that this is an integral personality trait and Usami cannot physically change it. Take it or leave it. He is not forcing anybody to participate in his violent misadventures but he won’t tolerate attempts to stop them.

Control freak, Usami thinks he owns a person when in the relationship. He quite seriously believes that he is in control of their life and can decide whether they can or cannot do particular things. Of course, if they do not act in accordance with Usami’s wishes, they will be punished to prevent further misbehavior.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Usami’s skin is naturally silky and he likes to keep it this way despite the harsh weather conditions. Nobody knows if he is using any creams or other cosmetics but the fact remains: his face is almost baby-like soft. Also, running men tattoos fade quickly due to their location so Usami has to renew them quite often. He does it with enviable regularity and forbids everyone (except his partner and First Lieutenant) to touch his cheeks. His clothes are in fair condition as well as his shoes. Usami wears his clothes neatly, and never wears them off to the holes and patches.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

All attempts to break up with Usami end with his theatrical chuckle and short “good joke, darling”: they are not going anywhere until he allows them to do so. The more times his partner brings this dumb question up, the angrier he gets, barely hiding it behind biting his lips. By the time his patience bursts, Usami has already come up with a plan to keep them by his side, voluntarily or compulsorily. If they decide to leave him because they didn’t get enough attention and affection, Usami will try to fulfill their every whim. If they express their concerns regarding his behavior, Usami will learn how to hide unsightly features better. All in all, he is not going to let them go just because they want to. It seems that the risk of ending on the side of the road gives him even more fervor to fight for their love.

The only thing that remains for his loved one is to leave Usami with no farewell letter left behind. Otherwise, they risk gaining a stalker with military experience under his belt. Not the best combination if you ask me.

If they were killed, Usami one hundred percent will find their murderer and tear them apart. Literally. He snaps, he is not going to hold back any longer.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Must be an obvious one but Usami is a kinky bastard. He tries such things to which no adequate person would agree or if they did it is unlikely that they would tell anyone about it. This applies not only to sexual behavior, he is eccentric in general, he is not held back by social rules and limits of decency. Usami would set few things on fire just to see how long it takes each to burn to the crisps. Sucks fingers and toes. I don’t know, he does everything you are kind of uncomfortable to do. Might fuck around and start another war idk.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Can’t handle boring people. Looking at what he considers “boring” people tells that it includes people with no character, withdrawn from society and recent events, silly and predictable ones. First, most likely they would not interact with Usami considering how unhinged he is. He is more trouble than he is worth, you know. And secondly, Usami doesn’t notice them in the crowd. If his loved one happens to be too boring, he will leave them, sooner or later.

Anyone standing between him and First Lieutenant can forget about any relationship with Usami. It is impossible. The gears in his head are spinning like crazy to come up with a perfect plan and get away with their murder. No hard feelings, but Usami’s obsession with Tsurumi isn’t going anywhere, and the only scenario he can agree with is dating someone who if doesn’t support it then at least doesn’t try to ward him off of it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

His sleep schedule is an absolute mess with no hint of changing in the future. First of all, Usami sleeps 4-6 hours per day, can’t sleep during the day so he doesn’t take naps and doesn’t nodes off. At the same time, these short hours of sleep do not stick to night time only: sometimes Usami decides to go to bed at 3 a.m. still full of energy, other days he crawls under the blanket at 6 p.m. exhausted to the point of collapsing. He never complains about sleep, sees almost acid-trippy dreams a few times a month, and not even once had to take a pill to fall asleep.

Sleeps like a dead man with limbs entwined around his loved one. His lips break into a sweet smile as Usami throws a leg over their body and presses himself closer. He looks so peaceful you’d never think this man can bite your hand and throw you out of the window uwu.

[eretzyisrael]

Nationalism vs. Empire

Recently I’ve had some arguments with Jewish anti-Zionists (although they sometimes claim they are Zionists). These are not the ones who wear Palestinian keffiyes and say kaddish for dead terrorists. These are the “moderate” ones who say that they totally understand why Israel should exist, but think that it should repeal the Nation-State Law and become a “democratic state of all its citizens” instead of one that privileges one group at the expense of others. It makes them nervous that Israel has a Jewish symbol on its flag, and refers to the “Jewish soul” in its national anthem.

They believe that ethno-religious nationalism, of which Zionism is a sub-species, has been the cause of great trouble in the world, giving rise to wars, ethnic cleansing, and genocide in the recent past.

This is a common view today. Humans are apparently genetically wired to feel trust for and loyalty to their immediate family, their extended family, and to broader and broader circles (clans, tribes, and nations) of people that are in some sense like them. But many people believe that this is a negative characteristic that leads to hatred and violence. They believe that social progress requires eliminating it, at least for circles wider than the family. In particular, the loyalty of individuals to national groups has been blamed for the destructive wars of the 20th century. Indeed, the European Union was intended from the beginning to grow into a super-nation that would ultimately absorb the loyalties of the various European peoples, and thus make future wars unlikely.

Yoram Hazony, in his book “The Virtue of Nationalism,” argues that in fact the main cause of the world wars was not nationalism, but rather imperialist expansionism. Hitler, according to Hazony, wanted to destroy the order of independent sovereign states and replace them with an empire, the “Third Reich,” modeled on the “First Reich,” the Holy Roman Empire. Hazony contrasts two divergent ideas of the best way to bring about peace and prosperity: “an order of free and independent nations, each pursuing the political good in accordance with its own traditions and understanding; and an order of peoples united under a single regime of law, promulgated and maintained by a single supranational authority.” The former, he believes, provides the best opportunity to maximize each individual’s liberty and opportunities for self-realization. Empires come into being and maintain themselves by coercion of their subject nations, which naturally inhibits personal freedom.

In the best case, an independent nation’s population shares a common language, religion, and other cultural features, along with a shared vision of the kind of society it wants to have. Such a nation can provide a high degree of autonomy for its citizens, because they work toward common purposes. In the worst case, you have Lebanon or Syria, where ethno-religious strife tear a nation apart, allow despotic regimes to take power, and sink into a state of daily hell for their people.

Empires, on the other hand, invariably stratify their populations into advantaged groups, who make the rules and consume the fruits of empire, and those who make do with what the elites allow to trickle down to them. The latter have little autonomy, because they must be guided – coerced – to act in ways that promote imperial objectives, and prevented from rebelling. Today there are several empires or aspiring ones: the US, Russia, China, and the European Union.

The nations that consistently score highest on the World Happiness Reportscale are not the richest or largest nations, but smaller, ethnically and religiously homogeneous ones, like the top three: Finland, Iceland, and Denmark. Of course there are many other factors that affect rankings, but there is no doubt that their homogeneity plays an important part in their people’s satisfaction.

“But that’s racist!” I hear. No, it’s just fact. Anyway, skin color or other genetic properties have nothing to do with it except as markers for culture in the broadest sense, including language and religion and numerous other things. I suspect that the desire and ability to live together with others who are like youis a property that developed by an evolutionary process, and as I suggested, is now hard-wired into the species. Those who want to change it, to create a new kind of human who will totally free of bias won’t be pleased to hear this, but they are fighting hundreds of thousands of years – going back to pre-human species – of evolutionary development.

I suggest that we should work with the nature of our species. Nations should be small nation-states of similar people. Countries like Iraq that were created by strokes of a pen on a map without consideration of who lives in the area circumscribed by those strokes, are bound to have problems, as well as artificially balanced multiethnic constructions like Lebanon. Empires can provide stability, but at the cost of the exploitation and oppression of the majority of imperial subjects. A majority in the UK decided that they would prefer full sovereignty to attenuated self-rule as part of an empire, and voted to leave the EU.

Not every group with national aspirations can have a state. Some people will live in countries like the US, which are defined as states of all their citizens. Others will live as members of a minority in someone else’s nation-state.

Jews have a special reason to need a state of their own; their unique history of ever-mutating persecution. It takes a surprising degree of historical ignorance, or something less innocent, to deny that today. The Jews got their state at the cost of an enormous amount of blood, and then had to defend it again and again. And their enemies, both the local ones who simply want to take their land and their wealth, and the European empire for which the Jewish state stands as a reproach, show no evidence of giving up.

Israel did pretty well in the World Happiness Report, coming in 11th out of 149 (the US was 14th and the UK 17th). That is despite the fact that Israel is not Finland: there is a large Arab minority (one out of five Israelis is an Arab) that is excluded from the national mission of the Jewish state. They are not, however, excluded from economic and political life the way minorities often are, as (for example) America’s black minority was for many years. There is a very delicate balance here that the state needs to maintain in order to thrive, or even survive, with such a large national minority within its borders. One doesn’t have to go very far here in the Middle East to see what can happen as a result of unhappy minorities.

One of the reasons that Israel has been so successful, despite the challenges it has faced from its external enemies, the tension between religious and secular Jews, and the complications created by its internal minority, is its sense of national purpose as the nation-state of the Jewish people. I cannot imagine the state would survive the cancellation of this national purpose, even if it maintained, for a time, its Jewish majority. Why would it be more desirable for a Jew to live in Israel, with its mandatory army service and periodic wars, than to live in Europe, America, or Australia? Many of those who had the option to leave would do so. And why would those that stayed have a desire to improve anything in the public sphere, anything beyond their personal situation?

Nationalism, including Zionism, is not anti-democratic, racist, or otherwise evil. I would rather see a world of independent sovereign states coordinating their activities by means of treaties of mutual advantage, than the one governed by one or several powerful, coercive empires toward which we are tending.

Abu Yehuda

[jalapeno-princess]

What if I Never Get Over You?

(He’s so pretty ugh God really does have his favorites)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst (A lot of curse words) (Angry Mark) (God bless)

Word Count: 8.9K

Summary: Mark was just seconds away from falling asleep after a long, exhausting day of work until Jackson comes over to his place, angry with the fact that Mark has been avoiding all of their many attempts to get him to move on. However, Mark has come to the realization even in the beginning of your break up that there is simply no getting over you.

A/N: Hey guys! So, this imagine is based off of the song “What if I never get over you” by Lady A and honestly it is one of my favorite songs ever and I’ve been listening to it on repeat for the last couple of weeks so I highly recommend that you listen to it while reading the lyrics hit me so hard for someone who has never been in a relationship once in the 22 years of my existence and I just found myself unable to stop typing this specific story. I’m currently in the middle of finals so I will be able to focus more on writing (If I’m being honest, I focus more on writing than I do on my education who am I even kidding LOL). This one is a little more on the sad side but the ending (I don’t know how I feel about it) but I consider it happy I guess? Please enjoy!

It's supposed to hurt, it's a broken heart But to movin' on is the hardest part It comes in waves, the letting go But the memory fades, everybody knows Everybody knows

What if I'm tryin', but then I close my eyes And then I'm right back, lost in that last goodbye? And what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

“Mark Yi-En Tuan—open the damn door. I have a bone to pick with you.” 

The word exhaustion couldn’t even describe half of what Mark was currently feeling. He had just finished work less than half an hour ago and against his friend’s pleas to grab a drink with them at the bar they normally frequented, he made a beeline back to his apartment. All he wanted to do was change out of his scrubs and sleep for the next twelve hours. 

Being a registered nurse was actually the last occupation Mark would’ve thought he’d ever get in to. As a young boy, all the way up until his senior year in high school, he never cared about anything other than playing baseball, video games, hanging out with his friends and eating junk food. He desired to “live in the moment” as much as he possibly could while he was still young and he decided he would worry about his future once he graduated from high school. Even when he did move on to college, he had no idea what his plans were. 

Like a lot of his friends, he was attending university in order to please his parents and to get a degree. In what—he didn’t care. Honestly, he thought about studying many different majors—engineering, kinesiology, biology, criminal justice and at one point—culinary. But he could never see himself settling in to any of those careers. His younger brother Joey knew that he wanted to be a pharmacist and unlike Mark; his soul purpose was to be successful in his education. 

At the time, Mark considered the younger boy to be a loser. He wasn’t living his high school life to his fullest potential—or at least that’s what Mark thought. On the day of his graduation, his principal began announcing each and every one of his classmates; what college they were attending, whether or not they received any honors and what they planned on majoring in. When it was his turn and the principal called his name, he was excited to finally be over with that chapter in his life. 

He expected to take the diploma and walk back to the bleachers like everyone else was. However, he felt exceptionally stupid when it was made aware that he had no idea what he was going to do after high school. Even his good friend BamBam—the class clown and the student with the lowest gpa in his graduating class had plans to go to college and major in hospitality. It made him feel pathetic and although the audience clapped right after he shook hands with his principal, he couldn’t help but feel as though some people were probably laughing at him. 

Hell, if he were to be sitting in the crowd and someone were to be in the same situation he was in, he would’ve laughed too. How could someone who was eighteen years old have no clue what he wanted to do for the rest of his life? That made him realize that Joey wasn’t the loser—Joey was extremely intelligent and planned for his future before he even realized what a future was. He was also the reason why Mark ended up going in to the medical field seeing as how his goal was to become a pharmacist and open up his own pharmacy one day. 

The younger boy; along with his parents and his friend Jinyoung coerced him in to attending med school because they witnessed how much of a people person Mark was and they felt like he would be very successful in whatever career he were to obtain. It wasn’t an easy road to success—in fact, he found himself wanting to give up more times than he could count on his fingers. 

College was already frustrating as it is, but majoring in nursing was one of the more difficult fields and a lot of the students who started off in nursing did not end up graduating with a nursing degree. Mark had no idea how he ended up getting his bachelor’s—let alone his master’s degree; especially because he felt there were so many students who were smarter than him and had more knowledge than him when it came to nursing who ended up getting kicked out of the program. 

Whenever he felt like giving up; when the multiple all-nighters he would pull in order to study for exams that he never seemed to be able to pass no matter how hard he tried, or the numerous amount of nights he found himself crying because he was afraid he wouldn’t make it and become the successful nurse everyone was expecting him to be—he remembered why he was going through all of that pain and suffering in the first place and it only gave him the motivation to continue until he finally achieved his goal. 

It took him almost six years, but it was worth it. He loved his job; although it could get very hectic almost every single day, he would get yelled at by patients for things out of his control, he got thrown up on, urinated on and even had families of patients threaten to get him fired, he also witnessed many miracles throughout the walls of the hospital and he got to meet a lot of people who would change his life. One person in particular that was the sole reason why his younger friend was currently pounding on his door—wanting to reprimand him for something he did a few days prior. 

Mark sat on his couch and weighed out his options; he could just let Jackson continue knocking on his door until he either got tired or came to the realization that there was a chance Mark was fast asleep by now. As good as that idea sounded, he was afraid that he would get noise complaints from his neighbors and the last thing he needed was to get evicted from his apartment over a ruckus he wasn’t even causing. 

Mark took in a deep breath and prepared himself for any confrontation Jackson might let out. He was expecting his rowdy and extroverted friend to bother him sooner, but then again —it’s not like Mark ever really hung out with his group of friends all that much in the last few months. If only he could say it was strictly because his job was working him to the core and making him exceedingly tired; if only it were that simple. 

He took a look in the peephole; curious as to whether or not Jackson was alone and if there was a chance he was drunk. The older boy released a sigh of relief when he saw Jinyoung and Yugyeom with him—he knew they would probably act as the mediators of Jackson went too far and said something to infuriate Mark. 

It’s happened many times in the past; Jackson Wang—bless his soul; but he had to be one of the most attention seeking and loud mouthed people that Mark knew. He also had no filter and said things like they were; he wasn’t afraid of hurting people’s feelings. Especially if those people just so happened to be his six good friends. As soon as he opened the door and saw the aggravated look on Jackson’s face, he had to stop himself from slamming the door and heading back to his room. 

“It’s almost midnight. I’m so fucking tired Jackson, this couldn’t have waited till the morning? Or at least an hour where I’m not drained of all my energy and won’t be able to fight back if the situation called for it?” 

Jackson ignored his comment and walked right past him—plopping himself on to Mark’s couch. The two other boys gave Mark apologetic expressions; it was obvious that they felt bad for bothering him at such a late hour—especially seeing that Mark was ready to knock out at any second. 

Neither of them wanted to be there, but when Jackson gets drunk—which he was currently plastered at the moment; heightening his confidence that Mark was quickly growing irritated with, he has a tendency of admitting things he would never say when sober and because their conversation at dinner consisted of Mark and his personal life, the five other guys knew leaving Jackson alone with Mark was not the best idea. 

One of them would end up with a black eye and a busted lip and there was a ninety-five percent chance that it would be Jackson. Mark was never a physical person; he never believed in violence and he tried his best to solve problems verbally before having to get physical. He’s been best friends with Jackson for almost sixteen years now—this meant that he was extremely comfortable with putting the younger boy in his place if he had to. 

There were only a couple times that Jackson and Mark either disagreed or actually fought over something and it was usually Jackson who’d instigate a lot of their quarrels. One time, Jackson said something that really got under Mark’s skin and he ended up with a busted lip. It wasn’t like the two of them stayed mad at each other for too long though; all it took was a few apologies, a couple of beers and some takeout that would get the both of them back on speaking terms. 

Jinyoung and Yugyeom weren’t too sure about what would happen between their two oldest friends tonight. Jackson was furious with Mark—he went in to great detail about how he was going to give him “a piece of his mind.” They didn’t completely agree with the points that Jackson made; especially because Mark was old enough to make his own decisions and nobody, not even his really good friend could tell him how to live his life. 

“Why did you tell Sophia that you weren’t interested in a long-term relationship? She called me crying this morning saying that you no longer were interested in her—“ 

Mark rolled his eyes at Jackson’s complaints. He knew he would get an earful sooner or later about how he’s been avoiding Jackson’s and even the rest of their friend group’s many attempts at trying to set Mark up with someone they knew—whether it was a coworker or a mutual friend. A couple of weeks ago, Jackson introduced Mark to a friend of his girlfriend. 

He wasn’t going to lie, Sophia was very pretty; she was also very smart—had a bachelor’s degree in family law and she was still in school trying to get her master’s. However, Mark wasn’t interested in her—or any of the girls that the rest of his friends tried to get him to go out with. He understood that his friends were only trying to help him “get back in to the game” or whatever BamBam said—but the eldest boy did not want anything to do romantically with anyone his friends were trying to set him up with. 

“Because I’m not. I was never interested in her to begin with. I was just going on these dates with her to get you off my back. She’s a nice girl; all the girls you guys tried to introduce me to are nice girls—but I don’t want a relationship right now Jackson nor do I even have the time to focus on another person, I barely have time to take care of myself. I know you guys are worried about me, but I’m fine. I’m twenty-seven years old; sure I’m not as young as I used to be, but settling down in to a relationship is the least of my worries. If you’re just bothered by the fact that I’m the only single guy in the group and you pity watching me sit by myself while you’re all accompanied by your girlfriends, I just won’t go out with you guys anymore.” 

When Jackson let out a scoff, the two younger boys looked at each other cautiously. Shit was going to hit the fan soon and they were afraid if they didn’t leave within the next five minutes, punches were going to be thrown. They also grew worried that if both Mark and Jackson were to argue, especially over the topic of Mark’s love life, that it might actually ruin their friendship with no promise of reconciliation. 

“Stop giving me that shit Mark. It’s not because you’re busy—you’re still hung up over y/n! That’s why you’ve been pushing away everyone from your life and I’m sick of it! It’s been almost seven months Mark, you need to move on. She obviously isn’t coming back. If she genuinely still loved you, she would have never left in the first place. Stop trying to look for y/n in other girls and stop letting another chance at being in love again slip through your fingers because you have this stupid hope that one day, she’ll realize that she made a mistake in breaking up with you—“

“Jackson, shut up—“

“For all you know, she’s already moved on—“

“Jackson, if you know what’s best for you, you would shut up—“

“Maybe the reason why she left is because she found someone else—someone who would give her the love and attention you failed to give her towards the end of your relationship and that idea alone is what’s messing with your head. Thinking about her loving someone else, finding solace in someone else, fucking another man—“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP JACKSON. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT. YES, I STILL LOVE Y/N. I’M ALWAYS GOING TO LOVE Y/N—IT’S ALWAYS GOING TO BE Y/N. I HAD THE FUCKING RING AND EVERYTHING SO DON’T YOU THINK FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND THAT I’M EVER GOING TO MOVE ON TO SOMEONE ELSE. I TOLD YOU ALL AFTER THE SECOND FAILED DATE YOUNGJAE TRIED TO SET ME UP ON THAT I HAD NO INTEREST IN CONTINUING THESE BLIND DATES. I DON’T NEED ANYONE’S HELP IN FINDING ME A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO BE IN ONE AT ALL IF IT’S NOT WITH HER. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD.” 

Once those last few words fell out of Mark’s mouth, the entire room fell quiet. Yugyeom and Jinyoung were stunned—Mark was a very soft-spoken and timid individual. Most people who were newly introduced to him could get a couple of words out of him if they were lucky. A lot of his patients at the hospital could go on and on in conversation and he would simply just him or nod his head as a way to communicate with them. 

However, whenever it came to his friends and family, the eldest boy could talk up a storm. Mark was a very kind-hearted person; he was known for having a lot of patience and understanding—but he also had a huge temper. It took a lot for something or someone to piss him off; especially because he didn’t want anyone to look at him in a negative light. Normally, he could keep his ill-feelings at bay, but there were a few occasions where he allowed himself to yell or grunt in frustration. 

Your relationship was a very touchy subject. Sure, it’s been over half a year since that night where you told Mark you no longer could handle being suffocated in your toxic relationship and usually most men were known to bounce back after a week. But Mark wasn’t like most men and you weren’t just any ordinary woman. You were the love of his life—his soulmate, his best friend, his person, the one he wanted to settle down, start a family and spend the rest of his life with. 

He was devastated when you told him you were leaving and he even tried his best in to getting you to change your mind. He made so many promises of bettering himself in order to be a boyfriend you were proud of. He repeatedly told you that he would be nothing without you and that he would do anything in his power to get you to change your mind, but it wasn’t enough. Mark was well aware that his job play a huge role in your breakup. 

Most of his time was spent at the hospital—but you were very considerate and understanding that his career was one of his main priorities other than his friends, his family and you. However, during the small amount of free time that he had, Mark had a tendency of spending that time either playing video games, going out to bars with his friends or playing with his dog Milo. As his girlfriend, you’ve witnessed how exhausted he could get from work; he was constantly on his feet for ten to twelve hours a day. 

It was only natural for him to want to relax and unwind doing the things he was interested in. You wanted to be there for your boyfriend in whatever way you could, but you also had your needs and desires—not necessarily sexual, but there was a point in your relationship where you went weeks and even months without being intimate with Mark because he was always so tired and never had the energy to love on your body in the ways that he used to. 

There was a time—a long amount of time in your relationship where the two of you could never keep your hands off of each other to the point where your friends would purposely have to sit between the two of you on nights you would all go out together in attempts to get the two of you to stop kissing or simply just showing any kind of affection towards one another. Unfortunately, towards the end of your relationship, you were only getting a peck on your lips if you were lucky. 

Your relationship no longer had the spark that would send flames to your entire body just being around him—you no longer felt butterflies in your tummy whenever you looked at him. Sometimes when you’d gaze at him, you felt as though you were looking at a stranger, not the man you spent four years of your life with. You never understood where it went wrong; it just felt like the love and adoration Mark had for you just stopped out of no where. 

He no longer called or texted you on his breaks to check up on you and see what you were doing, he stopped complimenting you on your outfits or if you did something new to your hair and the two of you could no longer hold a conversation for longer than five minutes without it feeling forced. You wanted to believe that he was just acting like this because work took up his entire being—physical and mental health. But he would go out with his friends right after a shift and sometimes he’d stay out for hours on end. It made you wonder if you were the problem. 

Maybe he stopped loving you or your relationship became a chore to him and was no longer a priority to him as it used to be. The constant need to be around each other, the comfort you felt from being wrapped in his arms and the happiness that came from just knowing that he was yours no longer existed. It disappeared completely along with any kind of feelings you harbored for him and you didn’t think there was anything that could bring it back. 

The thought of no longer having Mark in your life; no longer waking up to his devastatingly handsome face—no longer getting to kiss his pretty, pink lips, and no longer being the lucky person who got to love him—it slowly tore your heart apart, but what could you do? You felt as though the only reason why Mark continued to stay with you was because he grew comfortable with the routine in your relationship. Having to go out and start another relationship with someone new wasn’t something you even wanted to think about. 

Deep in your heart, even if the two of you were going through , Mark Tuan was the only person you saw yourself wanting to get married to. All you ever wanted and could ever need was Mark. He owned you entirely; your mind, your body, your heart and soul—it was all his and it would always be his. But you couldn’t continue going on like this. Your relationship was slowly tearing you apart; it was suffocating you to the point where you felt as though you were going crazy. 

Every now and then, you’d find yourself going back to that fateful night where you told him you were leaving. It took you weeks to come to that decision; hell, even months really. Every time you built the courage to finally give up on Mark entirely, you’d look at him as the two of you were lying down in bed and time to time, you would cry. He seemed an entire world away even if the two of you were just inches apart. 

He might have been in the bed with you—but it genuinely felt like the bed was so spacious and empty. However, as you would gaze at him while he slept soundly, there was a little voice in your head begging you to wait a little longer. Something told you that things were going to get better and your life would turn out miserable if you were to break up with him. 

You prayed and prayed that the voice was telling the truth; you wanted your relationship to work so badly. He might not have been giving you much attention these days or treating you the way he used to, but you would rather continue to stay with him and try your best to fix your crumbling relationship than to be happy with anyone else. When he saw your luggage lined up at the door he didn’t even flinch. It’s as if he knew this was coming; and it didn’t seem to bother him one bit. 

That’s what hurt you the most; his blank expression only confirmed your worries—he no longer loved you or cared enough about you to even ask why your bags were packed or where you were going. He just simply stared at you for a couple of minutes before tilting his head in the direction of your bags. 

“Where are you going?” He didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact that you were seconds away from walking out of his life completely. 

“I’m leaving you.” 

The words were bitter on your tongue—there were a few times in your relationship where the two of you argued and it would end up with him sleeping outside on the couch—but that’s the worst it’s ever been. This was the first time you were actually throwing in the white flag; you were mentally exhausted. You refused to continue fighting for a relationship that was barely even existing anymore. If you were to continue putting your time and effort in to Mark knowing that he no longer did the same for you, you would probably develop some form of depression. You loved yourself too much to allow him to continue breaking your heart and taking advantage of your love. 

“Why?” You scoffed—he had to be joking right? Did he think that the two of you were okay? Was he fine with the fact that your relationship was no longer what it used to be? Did the lack of intimacy or time spent together not bother him at all—the way it was quickly ruining you? 

“You don’t love me anymore. I don’t know when you stopped—but all I know is that you did. Our relationship turned it to this toxic partnership. I don’t know what happened or what went wrong, but I’m so fucking unhappy Mark. I look at you and I don’t see the love of my life—I don’t see the aspiring nurse I met all those years ago who showed me and taught what love is. All I see when I look at you is a shell of the person you used to be. You’re like a stranger to me Mark and I hate—I fucking hate that things turned out like this and what’s killing me the most is that it doesn’t seem to bother you. You hardly make time for me—for us. It’s like you have to force yourself to genuinely enjoy being around me these days. Go look at your missed calls and all of your text messages. It’s all me. I’m practically begging for your attention and any kind of reaction out of you and nothing—literal nothing. I don’t know what to do anymore; I don’t want to leave Mark. I don’t want to be without you. But why should I continue putting in effort to a relationship that is just moments away from ending completely—“

“What makes you think that I no longer love you—wait—don’t answer that.” 

He took a deep breath in before walking towards you and doing the unexpected; he brought his hands up to cup your cheeks and gently placed his forehead against yours. This was the first time in such a long time that you were this close in proximity with him—having him hold you, touch you, looking at you in such an apologetic way; you honestly didn’t know how to feel. You wanted to be happy; anytime Mark would touch you, kiss you, hold your hand or your waist, wrap his arm around your shoulder—any form of intimacy with your boyfriend always made your heart flutter. Unfortunately, you felt nothing and it broke your heart. 

“I know, I haven’t been all that great these days, I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. I’m so fucking sorry baby—so fucking sorry. There’s no excuse—I can’t say it’s because of work or come up with any other logical reason. I guess I just got used to us doing our own things. I was content just having you around. I don’t know how I went so long with the distance—or being absent even if I’m physically there. I just—fuck, I know it sounds wrong but I just assumed because I plan on spending the rest of my life with you that a little bump in the road wasn’t going to do anything to hinder our relationship. If I knew that it was going to cause you to question the love I have for you and even get you to pack your bags with the intention of leaving me, I would have done something—“

“But you didn’t Mark. You knew something was wrong but you didn’t do anything about it. You just assumed that whatever we were going through was normal. News flash—it wasn’t. Our relationship is falling apart at the seams Mark. Did it not occur to you even once that the distance—the fact that we could no longer hold a decent conversation, that we haven’t had sex or been intimate in the last few weeks—it’s not normal? You obviously never put my feelings in to consideration. I’m dying Mark—mentally, you’re breaking my fucking heart.” 

You allowed yourself to take a quick breath; you could feel your tears continuously building up at the brim of your eyelids. As much as you didn’t want Mark to see you cry because you didn’t think he deserved it—it was too hard for you to keep your crying at bay.

“The love you have for me—that’s a joke right? You no longer love me. I don’t know what you think you feel for me but it’s definitely not love or at least it’s no longer love. If you still loved me, you would continue to show me and tell me like you never failed to do before. Showering me with your love, attention and care shouldn’t stop just because you have me—I don’t care if you’re used to our relationship or if you’ve grown comfortable where you don’t feel the need to contact me or check up on me—I don’t even care if I’m not your main priority. I’m completely understanding that your job takes up your time and energy, but I need you to know how shitty I feel every time I see you staying up to play video games or going out with your friends. I never wanted to be that girlfriend; I want you to be happy—your happiness is all that I care about, but it would be nice if I could be your happiness. Tell me Mark, when did you stop caring about me? When did you stop caring about my mood, my thoughts, how I was feeling, how the state of our relationship was? I can’t even remember what your lips feel or taste like, does it not bother you at all?” 

You saw him inch closer to you; you assumed he wanted to try and pull you back in to his embrace but you found yourself stepping back. When Mark saw you try to get away from him, that’s how he knew it was over. Once you were to get everything from off your chest, you were going to leave and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He could continue to persuade you to stay—he could promise you that he’d change and that your relationship would return back to what it used to be, but there was no use. Hearing to confess how lonely you felt; how heartbroken he made you and how you didn’t even feel like you were in a relationship with him at all shook him to the core—he knew you were leaving, no matter how hard he’d try to get you to change your mind. You were the kind of person that when you set your heart to something, it would always prevail. A break up was no different. 

“Y/n, please. I can’t—I can’t do this without you. I need you. I’m nothing without you. If I lose you, God I don’t think I’ll ever love again. You’re it for me baby, I mean that. You’re all I could ever want and need for the rest of my life. I’ll do better, I’ll be a better boyfriend—I’ll make up for all the lost time and I promise you, we’ll be okay again. Please baby, find it in your heart to forgive me. Everybody makes mistakes, we’re only human—“ 

As soon as he felt your dainty fingertips cup his cheek ever so gently before you placed a kiss against the corner of his mouth, it felt as though his soul left his body. You didn’t have to say anything; your actions spoke volumes for you. Your fingers were featherlight on his skin; it took every bone in his body not you pull you closer to him and hold you as tightly as physically possible. He didn’t know he was able to actually feel his heartbreak. Whenever someone would describe suffering from a broken heart, he thought they would be hurting mentally, psychologically or spiritually but right now, he could feel his heart crying—begging for you to give him one more chance. 

“Y/n—please—“ 

You could have sworn your heart sank to your stomach once you heard his voice crack. Your bags were already packed and you made the decision to finally leave months ago, why were you suddenly regretting your decision? You mentally prepared yourself for this reaction although you’d be lying if you said you expected him to break down and beg you not to leave like he currently was right now. If anything, you expected complete silence—with the way he’s been acting in the last few weeks, you just assumed he no longer cared about your presence or being in a relationship with you. To see him on his knees crying and begging for you to change your mind—you wanted to just say fuck it and pull him in to your embrace. 

He was trying—he promised he would change and do better; you wished his words could be enough for you. There were so many doubts in your mind telling you that he was all talk. That—he would try and put more time and effort in to your relationship, but it wouldn’t last long. He would get tired of having to prioritize you—tired of having to please you. You couldn’t put yourself through all that unnecessary pain again—the pain of not feeling good enough for him to want to spend and make time for you. 

You couldn’t force him to love you the way he used to—you loved Mark, God, did you love Mark. Honestly, you would do anything to make him happy; you would sacrifice your own happiness to make sure he was always smiling and thriving. But during the distance, since you didn’t feel like you had a boyfriend to love, you began to fall in love with yourself. While you were losing Mark, you were finding yourself.

“I have to go Mark. One day, you’ll see why I made this decision—why I felt as if this was the only choice I had. I love you Mark. Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I don’t think you will ever be able to fathom just how much I love you and how I would go to the ends of the earth just to make sure you’re well taken care of. Your happiness and well being is all I care about. You are all I care about—I just—I need time to heal. I need time to grow and to rediscover happiness. I need to learn to live without you. Who knows, maybe being apart will lead us to want to come together again. I love you and you love me—if it’s meant to be, we will find our way back to each other again. I’m really going to miss you. Please take care of yourself.” 

With one more kiss on his lips, you took your luggage and left. Mark couldn’t describe just how heartbroken, helpless and genuinely miserable he was now feeling. He wanted to run after you and yank your bags out of your hands—he knew he could try harder to get you to stay, but he didn’t want to make things worse. The first few weeks were the hardest; Mark felt as if he could die from a broken heart. He couldn’t eat—he had no appetite. 

His mind kept replaying the way you left so easily—taunting him like a bad dream. He felt like he was having a nightmare that reoccurred every single day. He couldn’t stop thinking about you—how you were going about the entire breakup, where you were staying, if you were suffering even half as much as he was or if you were regretting your decision even just a little. 

As the months went by, nothing changed—even if he tried his best to move on, he felt in his chest that there was no getting over you. He meant what he told you on your last night together, he was genuinely afraid that he would never be able to find closure nor would he ever be able to fall in love again. He didn’t want to be in love again if it meant with someone else. You owned Mark entirely; his mind, his body, his heart and his soul—they all belonged to you and they always would. 

Jinyoung and Yugyeom knew it would be best to get their older friend out of there before Jackson said even more things he probably shouldn’t or before Mark grew physical. 

“We should uh—we’ll get going here. Mark, man I’m genuinely sorry this happened tonight, we shouldn’t even have come here. I should have tried harder to stop him but you know how Jackson gets when he’s drunk. I’m really fucking sorry dude about everything. You know what Jackson said isn’t true and I’m sure he doesn’t even know what he said. He’ll probably wake up tomorrow morning completely brainless about everything—“ 

Mark gave Jinyoung a sad smile before pulling him in for a hug. If anyone understood what Mark was going through, it was Jinyoung. Mark wasn’t the type to tell people of his problems—no even the people closest to him. If something bad happened to him, he would suffer all by himself because he didn’t want other people to worry about him. 

However, Jinyoung was the only one Mark allowed to see him in such a vulnerable and fragile state. Sure, Jinyoung also tried to set him up with one of his friends, but that’s only because he wanted Mark to get another chance at love. He hated seeing Mark so sad—so dejected and moping around, living but not really existing. Although Jinyoung really liked you for his older friend and believed that the two of you were soulmates, he also believed that if you still wanted to be in a relationship with Mark, you would. 

No matter how hard relationships could be sometimes, you never give up on someone you picture spending the rest of your life with. If you genuinely love someone, you’re going to fight for them even if the battle can be too much to handle. He saw Mark through so many phases of depression and grief; he’d witness Mark finish bottles of wine in one sitting while crying at every single thing that reminded him of you. Unlike Jackson though, he wasn’t going to force Mark in a relationship if he didn’t want to be in one. He was a grown man—he could make his own decisions himself. The last thing he or anyone in his situation needed was for his friends to get involved in his personal life. 

“Jinyoung, do you think you could do me a favor? I um—I think I want to be alone for a couple of days. Do you mind telling the other guys to let me be for a little while? I just—tonight was too much for me. I don’t want to get angry with any one of you. I can’t say how long I plan on being away I just—I don’t need this right now.” 

There was so much Jinyoung wanted to say—he didn’t think it was a good idea for Mark to be alone and he wished Jackson just kept his mouth shut, but he also knew that nothing he could say would get Mark to change his mind. He nodded in agreement—not wanting to make the older boy even more upset before motioning for Yugyeom to pick up Jackson’s sleeping figure from the couch. 

“Promise me you will call me if and when you need me. Oh, and please look after yourself. If you’re not going to allow me to come and check up on you can you at least make sure you’re eating all your meals and getting enough sleep?”

“I promise. Let me know when you get home alright? Thank you Jinyoung, I really don’t know what I would do without you.” 

Mark didn’t know if he liked it better now that the three boys were gone. He might have been angry with Jackson’s obnoxious outburst, but now he was alone with the thought that you might be seeing someone else. You did mention that you would always love him; but if you missed him the way you claimed you would, wouldn’t you have come back running to him a long time ago? There might have been distance between the two of you while you were still together, but no longer being in a relationship was a extremely different scenario. 

At least while the two of you were still together, he knew you were his and that he could come home to you. But now, he didn’t know anything that was going on in your life. For all Mark knew, you could have moved to another state or even another country—and now Jackson’s words were messing with his mind. Were you seeing someone? Did you already move on to somebody else and if so, did you see a future with that person? Did your mind ever wander over to Mark and how he was doing? 

His skin began to crawl at the thought of you being intimate with someone else—he knew he had no right to, you were no longer his to get jealous over and he was the reason why you could now go out and start dating whoever you wanted. He wanted to scream—he was already doing so bad as it was, why did Jackson have to make him feel even more shittier than he currently was? 

He found himself looking through his cupboards for any kind of alcohol, he honestly didn’t care at this point. Mark was not a heavy drinker; he never understood why his friends enjoyed wasting their money on alcohol only to get drunk, not remember a single thing and wake up with an extremely painful hangover. He wanted to take his mind off of you and the only way he could do that was if he was inebriated. 

These last few months, his mind seemed to be filled with the thought of you every single day, but never did he feel like he wanted to stop thinking about you. Now that he knew there was a chance you had another man in your life, he wanted to completely rid you from his thoughts—at least for the time being. When he found a bottle of tequila way in the back of the cabinet, he released a frustrated sigh. Mark hated tequila—it had to be one of the worst kinds of alcohol there was. Not only did it taste nasty, but it felt even more horrible going down.

At this point, he didn’t care—it was all he had and he was going to take what he could get. He pulled off the cork and took a few big gulps. It made him gag a little—drinking straight from the bottle wasn’t something he was used to. Especially because tequila was meant to be either mixed or taken as shots, not to be consumed like it was water. He could feel tears building up at the brim of his eyes at how hard it was to drink it, but slowly and surely, he could feel himself getting lightheaded and moments away from completely being plastered. 

When his vision grew hazy and his movements slowed down, he decided he would make his way to his room with the intention of falling asleep. It took him a while to get up from the floor and he was grateful that Milo was fast asleep in his doggy bed. He loved his little puppy more than anything and for the last few months, Milo was his own personal therapist. He made Mark smile when Mark didn’t think he was capable of that motion anymore. 

However, he didn’t think he was in the right mind to take care of himself—let alone a dog. Walking in the direction of his room felt like such a hassle. What usually took him a good ten seconds felt like hours—his feet were heavy against the hardwood floor and finally, once he opened his door and flopped on top of his bed, he hummed in content. Luckily he was already changed in to his pajamas before the guys came over so he didn’t have to do anything. He didn’t realize just how much tequila he consumed; his eyelids felt heavy and he was dozing in and out of sleep. 

Right as he was about to completely enter dreamland, he felt something vibrate. The buzzing noise sounded so far away, even if he knew his phone was nearby. It was probably just Jinyoung telling him he was home now—it could wait until the morning. He continued to try and fall asleep; ignoring the constant buzzing that seemingly wouldn’t stop. With a grunt, he went on the search for his device, moving his hand all around the bed until he found it. He knew whoever was trying to get in touch with him didn’t seem like they were going to stop anytime soon, so he rubbed both his eyes in attempts to break him out of his exhausted and drunken haze before checking his notifications. 

Once he saw your name, he had to do a double take—there was no way you sent him a message, he had to be hallucinating. How high was the percentage of alcohol in the tequila? His mind was definitely playing tricks on him—or maybe he was actually asleep and it was his conscience coming up with what he wishes would happen? He abruptly sat up; causing him even more dizziness, but he had to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he did. Seeing your name in his phone after seven months of not hearing you sent so many emotions and feelings to his chest and he felt overwhelmed. 

Was he happy? Sad? Angry that you took so long? Excited? He couldn’t help but feel as though something was wrong. Were you okay? Did something happen to you? Did you finally come to the realization that you missed him and that you were willing to give your relationship another chance? A part of him—probably the part that was still upset with you for breaking his heart told him to ignore the messages—he wanted to lie and say he didn’t care anymore and that he was genuinely going to do whatever he could to forget about you completely. But who was he kidding? There was no getting over you. Ever. His heart begged him to click on your contact and that’s exactly what he did.

Babe: Hey. 12:54 A.M.

He mentally cursed himself for not changing your name in his phone but he couldn’t find it in himself to do so. He didn’t have the right to call you any term of endearment anymore, but once he were to change your contact to your actual name, it cemented the idea that things were actually over and he wasn’t going to give up on you just yet. Until he were to find out you were seeing someone else or that you had no intentions on getting back with him ever again, he was going to continue holding on to that tiny string of hope that one day, you’d be back in his arms again.

Babe: I’m sorry it’s so late. I mean that in more ways than one. 12:54 A.M.

Babe: I—I honestly don’t know where to begin. Let me just start by saying I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Mark. And I miss you. I miss you so much. 12:56 A.M.

Babe: I know it’s been a while and I don’t know why I felt like I could just text you out of nowhere. I understand if you’ve moved on or if you want nothing to do with me anymore. 1:02 A.M.

Babe: I’m not going to lie and say that I made a mistake breaking up with you. I knew it’s what was best for the two of us at the time. But I will admit, I’ve thought about you every single day since I left. I’m sure you’re wondering what took me so long to come to the conclusion that I’m still so in love with you—which, I am by the way. I love you and I don’t think I ever really stopped. 1:05 A.M.

Babe: If you’re in a relationship or seeing someone else, please disregard all of these messages. I hope you’re doing well and I hope you’re taking good care of yourself. Well, Goodnight. 1:06 A.M.

Maybe months go by, maybe years from now And I meet someone and it's workin' out Every now and then, he can see right through 'Cause when I look at him Yeah, all I see is you

What if I'm tryin', but then I close my eyes And then I'm right back, lost in that last goodbye? And what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you? Ooh yeah What if I never get over? What if I never get closure? What if I never get back all the wasted words I told ya? What if it never gets better? What if this lasts forever and ever and ever?

As soon as you sent the last text message, you allowed a couple of tears to fall but brought your hands up to your mouth in attempts to prevent yourself from sobbing. The last thing you needed was to wake up the man who was currently sleeping in bed right next to you. You felt as if you made a complete mistake trying to get in contact with Mark—you should have just left him alone. It was you who initiated the breakup in the first place. 

You’ve stayed away for seven months; what person in their right mind would respond to your messages and want to take you back with open arms? You had to be crazy to think Mark still wanted anything to do to you—he probably deleted your messages as soon as he received them and you couldn’t blame them. If the roles were reversed and he did to you what you did to him, you would have blocked his number entirely. You placed your phone back on the nightstand and turned over to look at Minho; releasing an exhausted sigh before gliding your finger along his cheek. 

Trying out a new relationship and seeing someone new sounded like a good idea in hind sight. He was a friend of a friend’s—your friends tried to set you up with so many different guys similarly to Mark and his group of friends. They hated seeing you so sad and heartbroken yet they didn’t understand why you were still so hung up over Mark when you were the one who decided to call it quits. Minho was very soft spoken and gentle; in a way, he resembled Mark and that’s why you felt you were attracted to him.

He was quite the gentleman—he’d always ask you how you were doing, he’d ask you if you were okay with him kissing you and holding your hand and you were sure your friends must’ve told him about your past because he was very adamant on taking your relationship at your pace. Looking at him right now, lying in your bed made you realize just how quickly things were going between the two of you and you didn’t know how you felt about that. It took you a while to sleep over Mark’s apartment and he didn’t see yours until five months in to your relationship. 

However, you were beginning to believe you were rushing things because you missed having someone around all the time; you missed having the presence of someone you loved—you missed Mark. You also assumed that you were acting this way because you wanted to force yourself to like Minho so you could completely move on from Mark, but you didn’t understand why you wanted to get the thought of him out of your mind completely. 

The more time you spent with Minho, going on dates with him, calling him when you couldn’t see him; you’d find yourself picturing Mark in his place. You really missed how Mark used to treat you like you were the most important person on the planet. You missed holding him and being held by him, you missed playing video games with him and coming home from a long day of work with a table full of your favorite food. Even if you were doubting his words when he told you he was going to do better, you wondered how life would be like if you did give in to him that night. 

As much as you liked Minho—or at least felt like you did, a huge part of you believed that you were only staying with him for his sake. He was such a nice guy who genuinely seemed to care about you, but nobody was ever going to be Mark. You weren’t going to ever care or love anyone the way you did with Mark and you didn’t want to continue leading him on knowing that your heart belonged to someone else. You decided that you were going to call it a night, you didn’t expect Mark to get back to you any time soon if at all for that matter. 

After placing a gentle kiss on Minho’s shoulder blade, you curled up in to your pillow and slowly closed your eyes. Unfortunately, you couldn’t find it in yourself to fall asleep; your mind was too busy thinking about whether or not Mark read your messages and if he did, how he felt about hearing that you missed him and that you still loved him. Taking one last look at your phone, you felt your heart swell up as a small smile rose on your face.

Mark: I’m all yours. 1:36 A.M. 

What if I never get over? What if I never get closure? What if I never get back all the wasted words I told ya? What if it never gets better? What if this lasts forever and ever and ever?

I'm tryin', but then I close my eyes And then I'm right back, lost in that last goodbye And what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you? What if I gave you (what if I gave you) everything I got? What if your love was my one and only shot? What if I end up with nothing to compare it to What if I never get over? Oh, if I never get over What if I never get over you?What if I never get over you? Oh, what if I never get over? Over you

[cherripeach]

Hey new twst blog! Welcome to the fandom, hope you enjoy your stay here :D Hmm, not sure if you do request but could i have a HC or any format you'd prefer with the octavinelle trio (Separate) with athletic shy s/o who always runs away from them whenever they're near? Jump and running from them, even climbing, s/o would do anything to avoid them because of how shy they are, and because they're scared that they'll notice their feelings? Have a good day

I actually do requests, but thank you for being so polite about it! I am actually kinda scared because this is my first one I have ever gotten or done. Let’s start!

~~

Azul Ashengrotto

While Azul is a great business man and is actually very observant, he is also incredibly dense when it comes to the matters of love and such, meaning that this man would have no clue why you are running away from him. Since you most likely are aware of all of his shady deals and what he forces the twins to do, he believes that you might hate him. He, of course, does not want you to hate him, but because in his eyes you are one of the most amazing people he has ever met, he would understand why you would hate someone who makes deals in order to use people and take away their magic. His other conspiracy is that you are afraid of him because of all of the people he has hurt in the past, and he wants to make it up to you but if you keep on running he has no way to do such a thing.

He will cry if you continue to run and get frightened from him for a series of weeks. It will in no way be a pretty cry or even a quick cry; he is gonna be in his octo-pot for a couple of hours and neither of the twins will be able to get him out in order to make deals or help run the lounge. 

If his attitude continues for a while, expect the twins to grab you and take you to him willingly or not. Since they cannot fix the situation and they also do not know what the situation is about, they will grab you, who they know Azul likes to make him do his work. Of course, at this time it could go one of two ways depending if you try to run away again or actually try to help him and tell him the truth. Please go for option two because this baby also sucks at admitting his feelings, but he may even blabber them out to you if he does not know you are in the room. 

There is a little chance that he will get better and confront you, but that may happen only if the twins literally start dragging him to get work done. He knows that he has to, so he will try his best to get you by himself and tell you how he feels so that you don’t continue to run away. 

Good luck with this baby, he is probably the one you would have to do the most work for since he sucks at confronting his crush. 

Jade Leech

As observant as Jade is, he won’t notice why you are running away from him. It isn’t because he doesn’t see your feelings, but it really is because he just thinks that you finally fear and hate him like everybody else does. Needless to say, he does not want you to hate him at all, but he cannot have a proper conversation with you if you keep on running away.

After the first or second time, Jade will notice that you do not really look terrified of him, and you also regularly hang out with Azul and Floyd so he gets the feeling that there is something more than just fear and hatred. He will still be hurt by you always running away but once he connects the dots he’ll slightly understand better than before. This is not to say that he would not tease you to death over it if he ever finds you and you are not able to run away. Since now you blush at the drop of the hat wherever he is involved, he uses it to his advantage to see how cute you are. 

If you continue to avoid him, Jade will get annoyed and seek you out, and this would be ten times worse than when he teases you because he will not let you go or stop until he has his answer. The confrontation will take place in either the Monstro Lounge or a classroom of yours; if it’s in the lounge it will be after hours where he lightly coerced some people into getting you there, and if it is in the classroom, he probably just made sure that you were the last one left. 

He in no way wants to be mean to you or scare you any more than he probably has, but he wants all of this running away to end. If you are truly committed to him like he believes, then tell him or he will make you admit it. He wants you to be as committed to him as he is to you, so please stop running from him.

As much as you cannot tell, he is hurt by you running away from him even if he realizes why you are running; since you mean so much to him, he does not want you to hate him or even show that you do. 

If you, however, confess before he confronts you, he will be taken aback, and he will be very proud of you for coming to tell him yourself.  

While it may seem like he would not take into consideration your feelings, he really just wants you to like him back and start a relationship with you. 

Floyd Leech

He is going to be the worst out of the three because he will immediately take it to heart and think that his sweet little shrimpy hates him now. He either takes it offensive, or he takes it as a game. If you are athletic, that gives you a bigger chance of running away from him for a while so that you can hide from him. However, Floyd is also incredibly athletic as he is on the basketball and does enjoy parkour, so you would have to be very talented and quick to get away from him. It might be hard, but if you do not give up, and if you take advantage of any opportunity, you might get away. Of course, he does consider this as a game that if he wins you will let him hug and squeeze you, so be careful. This man will absolutely find your athletic ability phenomenal because as someone who is incredibly athletic he finds it refreshing to for someone he knows to be the same; this does mean that he goes easy on you though.

After a couple of times of him playing your games, he will notice that either he is not winning or even after he wins, you aren’t happy. He will be concerned over that fact since he always wants his sweet little shrimpy to be happy and healthy and never be scared of him. He may continue the game only to observe your reactions and see why you are treating him in such a way. 

There is a low chance that he will associate you running away with you being shy about your feelings, and he will have to go to Jade in order to make that connection. He, actually, won’t believe Jade for a while because why would his shrimpy do such a thing; he obviously likes them back what are they afraid of. 

He will not at all get why you are running away from him and may become slightly rude to you if you continue to run away from him after he does not consider it funny. He will confront you quickly  if you do not confess or even talk to him, and his confrontation will not be anything like his brothers. As Floyd is especially pissed at you, he will not at all let you run away from him, and while he may rely on his strength more, he knows that he has to plan your meeting so you have no chance of escaping. He also will not be as nice as before, so be careful. Let’s just hope that his anger does not get reflected onto you during this meeting.

Please be careful and kind to this baby; he really just wants to take care of you and show you his affections without you running away. 

Enjoy your day!

[bacchanta]

Just random speculations regarding Narcissa and her son Draco

This came up in a chat I had with a friend (fellow Drarry shipper) the other day: how we can interpret Draco’s relation with Harry by looking at some common traits in personality shared by Draco and Narcissa.

Biases declared: have been rooting for Narcissa for no obvious reasons since the last film and will keep doing so. Mostly talking about the books (but the image will inevitably be influenced by Helen McCrory’s portrayal because she is amazing).

Narcissa has always been this somewhat lofty and marginal figure considering the fact that nearly everyone who she is on talking terms serves Voldemort. It is not hard to infer from the books that she is at best indifferent to Voldemort’s cause (unlike her husband Lucius, who, while no zealous disciple of Voldemort, does seem to at least approve of his ideas and takes active parts in realizing some of them). The closest she’s got to helping Voldemort is probably when she urges Draco to identify the trio in the Malfoy Manor, but her presence is soon overshadowed by Lucius and Bellatrix. The fact that she cares to argue with Bellatrix just because the latter is acting a bit harsh towards Draco seems to suggest that Narcissa is much more concerned with the manners of conduct rather than what’s at stake at that moment.

It won’t be too much of an exaggeration to say that, in most of her appearances in the books, she cares about her son the most, while behaving rather indifferently to everything else, and that has motivated her to take some bold actions more than once. Apart from the argument mentioned above (when she’s upset with a full-working-mode Bellatrix just because she’s rude to Draco), she also actively defied Bellatrix in Book 6, when Bellatrix explicitly tries to persuade her against seeking help from Snape. 

Lucius also gets into argument with Bellatrix at times (Ministry of Magic, Malfoy Manor) as the two seems to have a rather strained relationship as colleagues, but it is obvious that Bellatrix, being the fierce and borderline-crazy, powerful witch, is dismissive of Lucius and does not bother to collaborate with or even listen to him at all, considering him to be unreliable and weak. 

However, Bellatrix seems to be much more amiable towards Narcissa, the two being sisters. When Narcissa insists on going to find Snape to help Draco, Bellatrix can only persuade her but not actually stop her. Indeed, when she sees that she cannot persuade her sister, she takes a step back and goes along with her plan, only to make Snape take the oath to secure Naricssa’s plan. This is almost the only time one sees Bellatrix making a concession to someone who isn’t her master and offering to help on top of that.

It’s fair to argue that it’s because the two are sisters. But there is no other hint to suggest that Bellatrix cares for familial bonds in general. She does not seem to care about her husband, nor does she appear to care about her Black lineage. She is also certainly not on friendly terms with her other sister, Andromeda. So why does she seem to have a soft spot towards Narcissa? Why does Narcissa, and Narcissa only, dares to defy her in an attempt that is seen to be reckless and dangerous anyway?

Here’s where one can make some bold speculations (but that’s what fandoms are for). Is it possible that one actually gets a glimpse into the relationship between the sisters in their early years? Is it possible that, Narcissa, being the youngest daughter in an old, hyper-conservative wizard and witch family that is obssessed with their status, is brought up to become somewhat naive and a little spoiled by everyone around her, Bellatrix included? 

Also think of how the youngest daughter in a family is usually portrayed in literature, as JKR’s characterization is at times drawing from such literary stereotypes. Think of Lydia Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, and other Jane Austen novels. These characters are presented to be naive, at times petulent, a little spoiled by their older siblings. Some of them also share the tendency to yearn for uniqueness, something that belongs to them and them only that has nothing to do with the family, something unique that distinguishes them from their siblings.

Narcissa does behave boldly towards Bellatrix, and her plan to save Draco is naive. What’s more important is that, if one is to believe this stereotype in her characterization, Draco, her son, is exactly what she holds onto, as someone who defines a unique but essential part of her, a part that has nothing to do with her family. It is only for Draco that she changes her usual, passive and indifferent attitude and becomes defiant. Values can be spoon-fed to her, families can influence her, and she may take the same stand as those around her without much of a second thought, but when it comes to Draco, she shows an independent, personal agency.

Now Draco’s upbringing will suggest some similarity with Narcissa’s. Spoiled as the only child, but also extensively indoctrinated by his family. One seldom sees any aspect of Draco Malfoy that is not formed because of some external influence - be that of family, of friends (supposedly selected as family acquaintances), or of the environment he stays in. 

Unlike Harry, whose character-building is mostly him encountering various kinds of situations and making choices based on what he believes in and what kind of a person he wants to become, Draco does not have something he personally believes in to begin with. Harry is able to become a strong and kind person because he has a clear idea of who he is, which is not indoctrinated by those around him. But if you take away what might have been taught to Draco by Lucius, by the Slytherins, it does not seem that he has a clear idea of who he is or who he wants to be.

If Narcissa, being this naive, passive youngest daughter of the Black family, shows an independent motivation because of her son, then is there similar representation of Draco?

Or, in other words, has Draco ever made a decision or took an action that is clearly his own decision, and not what he is taught to do?

Here are several examples:

Book 2: Lucius actually does not approve of Draco making Harry an enemy, as he believes that making friends with Harry Potter will be the more reasonable option.

Book 6: wanting to prove himself and rejecting Snape’s help (but he is coerced to accept the task in the first place, and it is clear that he does not want to carry it on when he goes to Myrtle)

Book 7: not exposing Harry to Bellatrix

Two out of three are because of Harry. The decision to hate Harry in the first place is primarily his own decision (even if his father does not approve), and so is the decision to offer the least bit of help.

In that sense, perhaps without himself being aware of it, Harry means to Draco what Draco means to Narcissa: a reason to reject what they have been taught and start to think of what they truly want and believe. As themselves, not as youngest daughter, only son, pureblood.

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a returning citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                     Lucas Walker, who is known by no other name;                                      a 30 year old son of Lei King.                                         He is a fighter at The Pits                                  and bartender at Visión / Ilusión.

FC NAME/GROUP: Christian Yu/DPR/Ex C-Clown CHARACTER NAME: Lucas Walker AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: September 6, 1990 | 30 PLACE OF BIRTH: Central, Hong Kong | Sydney, Australia OCCUPATION: Fighter at the Pits and Bartender at Vision HEIGHT: 5'10" | 176cm WEIGHT: 165lbs | 75kg DEFINING FEATURES: He has a large amount of tattoos, his most prominent being his full sleeve on his left arm that leads to a floral piece on his chest and shoulder blade. On the inside of his left bicep is the date 12.12.19 which is the birthdate of his daughter Jasmine. He has a few other small tattoos scattered on his body. His nose is pierced, on the left side and his septum is pierced along with doubles in both his ears.

PERSONALITY: Lucas was exposed to the worst things the world has to offer a child at a very young age. Leaving him a tough exterior and an injured idea of self-worth. He was forced to grow up very quickly and at a young age. Outside he portrays this “pissed at the world”, harsh, unpredictable, man but inside he’s just scarred and bruised from so many things that are always out of his control. His skin is tough but his heart is big, warm, and ready to love. The birth of his daughter kinda snapped him into reality and removed him from the land of self pity and dropped him right in the middle of acting like a responsible adult. He’s still getting the hang of this whole fatherhood thing, trying to act less reckless and uncaged so that he can be there for his daughter.

HISTORY: tw: death, loss, gang violence, gun violence, physical violence, torture, ptsd

Lucas was born in Hong Kong on September 6th, 1990. He was born to a very young woman who was barely 18 and couldn’t even afford to take care of herself let alone a baby. She left him outside of her local hospital after having him secretly at home. There was nothing the staff could do except take him in, take care of him and hand him over to the local orphanage. At six months old, he was adopted by a sweet couple from Sydney, Australia. He lived with them happily until he was eight years old when they were killed in a home invasion, the suspects left him there terrified at what he had witnessed. He was found by his aunt, his mother’s sister and the police left him in her care. Once everything was said and done, Lucas’ aunt was given custody of him and the perpetrators were still at large after almost a year of searching. After this, his aunt became his whole world, a young woman at only 24 now taking care of a nine year old boy full time. The two were each other’s rocks during the entire healing process.

Both sets of his grandparents tried suing for custody of him but, in the end his aunt won out as the best place for him. She didn’t live far from his parents so he didn’t have to change schools or make new friends. His aunt’s friends always questioned why she was willing to take in a primary school aged kid at such a young age but, the two were best friends even before his parent’s murder. She couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of him or raising him.

As a child, Lucas was quiet and usually kept to himself. Not because he didn’t want to interact with other kids but, because he just enjoyed his alone time. He was quiet in school but insanely smart, yet when teachers tried putting him into more advanced classes he chose to stay with his same age classmates. His aunt Gabrielle tried to get him into sports, music, and the arts but no. He just liked to read on his own, spending time off in his own little world or playing outside in the woods behind their house by himself. Around his tenth birthday things began to go downhill for the dynamic duo. Gabrielle lost her job as the lead secretary of a law firm and she ended up stuck waiting tables at a local 24 hour diner - from 7pm to 4am.

Gabrielle did everything she could to give Lucas the life she felt he deserved after that, doing they best they could when they had to downsize into a small one bedroom apartment and her working more hours to keep food on the table. It was so bad, Gabrielle ended up having to take on a second job after her parents refused to help her saying “she got herself into his mess on her own, she had to get her and the kid out of this mess on her own.” Lucas felt awful watching his aunt struggle to make ends meet and he tried everything he could to help out at home. He kept the apartment clean, babysat their neighbor’s kids, walked dogs, mowed yards, sold newspapers, and just about anything he could as an eleven year old in the rough part of the city they lived in. The only thing he didn’t do was fall in with the gangs that promised to help him and his aunt if he joined up with them…

Eventually by the time was 13 almost 14, doing odd jobs just wasn’t cutting it anymore for him and his aunt wouldn’t let him get a “real job” because it was her responsibility has his guardian to provide for him or whatever. He didn’t understand the pride she held about the subject so he went around her. He started selling homework and test answers at school, stealing petty things and selling them to his classmates for inflated prices, and he even learned how to give stick n poke tattoos for a price. Lucas wasn’t a stupid kid, he just worked with the resources he had. This line of work he got himself into at school eventually lead to him making friends with a couple other kids that belonged to the gang that lived on his block.

Inevitably those friendships lead to him joining the ranks and getting him paid to do things that would probably lead to his aunt murdering him on sight for being an utter imbecile. He was smart though and knew how to get out of things that would get him in over his head. However, by the time he was 16 this group of “friends” are what caused him to discover one of his divine abilities. At first Lucas always just thought that his high pain tolerance was just a cool thing about him, he could get hit and keep going, stub his toe and not feel a thing, get shoulder checked and only stumble without wincing. It wasn’t until he got stabbed for the first time at 16 that he had a realization that what he could do wasn’t normal. He got stitched up and moved right along his day and the gang leader decided to use this to his advantage. Lucas was recruited to the fighting ring, when he got found out.

He didn’t want to do it but, he’d make good money at the underground fighting ring. So he fought, and he did a damn good job at it too. Especially once he found out he could make his opponents keel over in pain that wasn’t physical. Lucas had no idea how he did it or why he could do it but, at this point he was just doing whatever her could to win because if he won he got paid and if he lost he’d get killed. Since beating him up wasn’t an option. Gabrielle was already suspicious of him when he started getting piercings, dying his hair, then getting tattoos but the real cherry on top of her anger was him pulling up to their apartment complex on a second hand motorcycle her got from a fight bet. His aunt went off on him that night and he had no other choice but to come clean about everything. However, he wasn’t the only one with a bombshell to drop…

His aunt admitted that she found his original adoption records when he was younger after the transfer of guardianship was complete and she needed all his documents. Apparently his birth-mother never listed a father on his birth certificate but his birth-father did contact his parents after his adoption. Leaving a letter to give to him when he either turned 18 or “got in trouble”. She’d read it out of curiosity and refused to believe the contents. It sounded crazy to her that his father was some old Chinese god, she only assumed he was on drugs or something and was delusional. Until Lucas admitted to what he could do and even showed her… Those things are just not possible for anyone human.

There was a return address in the letter, somewhere he’d never heard of but he responded anyways. Hoping to get some more guidance or some closure perhaps. Surprisingly, Lucas didn’t freak out with the news. Perhaps in the back of his mind he always had an inkling that he wasn’t the same as everyone else… like he was inhuman. He never received another letter from Lei King but he did receive a map that had a hand drawn picture of an island off the coast of Korea circled. He put the map away and chose to come back to it later.

When he was 18 his world crumbled underneath his feet. The underground fighting ring he was now the star of got busted by the police. The silver lining was that he was found not guilty by the jury of his peers. His defense attorney did well at convincing them that he only did what he did to survive and that he was coerced at a young age by the gang leader. He and many other members of the gang that were manipulated as kids came forward against the leader, landing him in prison for the rest of his life. Lucas didn’t know what to do with this new found freedom other than finish school. Once he was fully graduated he tried to figure out what to do with his life, he didn’t have many skills outside of crime and he honestly hadn’t planned on either being alive by now or not in prison himself. His aunt tried to convince him to go to university but he didn’t want to do that, there wasn’t anything he wanted to get a degree in that he cared about.

Instead, he chose to leave. He left Sydney and went as far as he could, landing him in New York City. He had enough money put away to get him a small apartment there to set up as a “base camp” of sorts. From there he began traveling all over the world, picking up photography and a pursuit of knowledge. On his travels, he met an interesting group of people. Shady people that reminded him very much of his old gang. They were in Scotland when he met them, and they were nice enough so he traveled with them a bit. One night, the “leader” got a bit too drunk and began to spill some secrets, secrets that Lucas just couldn’t stomach.

You see, this group he stumbled upon were the same people that murdered his adopted parents right in from of his eyes as a child - and they were proud of it. When the cocky leader spilled the beans while intoxicated, Lucas steeled himself and held onto that information like a lifeline. He integrated himself with these people slowly, over a few weeks while back packing around Scotland with them. Eventually, Lucas found the perfect time to strike. One night when they were all camping together, Lucas waited until they were all asleep and started them all awake with a gunshot. Over the entirety of the night, Lucas tied up the group, beat them all with only his bare fists, and tortured all of them mentally until they admitted to remembering him as a child. When all was said and done, the group was left mentally broken, unable to properly function as people. He cleaned up his things, called for help, told the police of their crimes and got the hell out of there and out of the country.

After that he went back to New York, cleaned out his apartment and headed back to Sydney. The things he’d just done changed him inside, a dark spot on his soul seemed to only grow bigger. He never told his aunt what he did, or why he was so broken when he finally came home. He hadn’t been home in almost six years and now here he was showing up on her door step, a broken and traumatized man. While he was away his aunt got married to a beautiful and kind woman named Erica. Lucas apologized immensely for missing the wedding, he was in Mongolia at the time he got the invitation and couldn’t get out of the mountains until after the event passed. They were understanding and easily took him into their arms and comforted him.

Now, at 27 years old with no idea what else to do with his life. He started going to therapy but even he didn’t know where to begin to heal from everything that had been nonstop traumatizing in his life. He started working as a bartender to pass the time and make a bit of extra cash, working as a photographer, and doing legal fights here and there. He’s eased into a pretty calm time of his life where he’d finally started to heal. Then to top it all off, he fell in love. It was a passionate and all encompassing kind of love, the kind where they were actively planning their future together, ready to be in it for the long hall. Less than a year together and they were married, it was the happiest they had ever been in their lives. She was an old friend of his and they’d known each other their wholes lives practically. Once they got closer while working together and the bar they both bartended at, that was it. They were head over heels.

They were happily married for almost a year when his wife got pregnant with their little girl in 2018. It was a huge accomplishment for the two of them, going from being the worst examples of humanity as teens to happily married and starting a family together. They were beyond overjoyed and Luke was more than excited to become a father. However, nothing could have prepared them for the struggle his wife would go through while pregnant. Her health continued to decline as the pregnancy went on but, she refused to end it and save herself. Luke begged her to not go through with it, the doctor’s told her she probably wouldn’t survive but she decided to chose her baby over her own health. In the end, on December 12th, 2019 Jasmine Elaina Walker was born, perfectly healthy. As happy as Luke was to hold his baby girl in his arms, nothing prepared him for holding his wife’s hand as she slowly passed away…

It was hard. Hard to act like he wasn’t dying inside everyday because his wife was gone, all while taking care of a newborn and trying not to have a full on breakdown. His aunts were his backbone the first few months as he got back on his feet. His wife’s family was practically nonexistent, leaving him and his aunts alone to raise a baby on their own.

Luke has a very high pain tolerance but the pain of losing his wife was not something his divine abilities could help him with this time…

The first six months of Jasmine’s life was rough, Luke was dealing with both the grief of losing the love of his life while doing everything he could to be there for Jasmine. On the days he just didn’t want to get out of bed, when all he wanted to do was cry, Jasmine was there - always needing her father so he had no time to wallow in his misery. He had to get up, had to get dressed, had to shower, had to function. He had to go to work to keep her fed, to keep buying her diapers, to keep a roof over her head, and to keep her happy and healthy. Of course, his aunts helped out all they could and he couldn’t possibly explain how thankful he is for them. After Jasmine’s first birthday he was cleaning house and he found the map given to him by Lei King when he was a teenager, he did some research and found nothing until he one day got a letter from Hera who was supposedly on the City Council of this island he was skeptical even existed. She spoke to him and told him all about the city just for gods and other demigods like him.

Suddenly, Lucas go this overwhelming desire to go there. He needed to get away from Sydney, he needed to get them out of the house that he bought with his late wife. They needed a fresh start and this island seemed like a good place to give that a try. His aunts were worried about him leaving but, understood why he needed to go and why he needed to get away. They were worried about him obviously but, he got child care set up with Hera before he even moved. Having a barely one year old and becoming a full time single parent scared him but, he knew he could do it. By moving to this new city and finding new people to surround himself with, new places to explore, and new experiences to be had with his little girl. He was both terrified and excited to see what was in store with them on this fancy hidden island.

PANTHEON: Chinese CHILD OF:  Lei King POWERS: He has extremely high pain tolerance and can induce psychogenic pain in others. He also has the ability to call upon the sound of thunder at will. STRENGTHS: Intelligent, Adventurous, Creative WEAKNESSES: Impulsive, Stubborn, Reckless

[isabelbuccellati]

But would he break up with his wife on the noncon scenario? 👀

I think it depends. If he scared the wife enough for her to grab her stuff and run away, guess there's no coming back. If somehow, in between she realizes she was wrong and still loves Pesci and wants to be with him, then it's all good in a twisted kind of way.

But just for fun, I'd add a third outcome. Pesci taking some distance for a short time and asking for advice to his teammates. Of course La Squadra cares about him and only want the best for his boy so Prosciutto suggest as the rest are more experienced, the team needs to have a conversation with the woman to see what her intentions with fish boy are. Pesci nods and after talking about it and agreeing it would be the best for the relationship since the gang is like his family, he takes her to the headquarters and as planned, where they're all waiting for her. Illuso is the first to tell Pesci it's better for him to leave for a while in order for her opinions and thoughts to be true and not biased just because he's there. He's a bit hesitant for a moment but Prosciutto reassuring and encouragement never fails to make Pesci feel better and he heads towards the city. As soon as the door closes, judging gazes avert to the woman's confused face. Everyone stays silent while Risotto whispers something to a couple of his men. When they nod to each other, Illuso takes the word once again as a sort of host. Offering her a wide grin, he closed the space between them.

"Buongiorno signora, as you may know we are Pesci's teammates. More than that, we are a family. We've never been introduced since you coerced Pesci into a secret marriage and though this is the first time we see each other, we know two things about you."

"One, you did our boy wrong and we can't let that pass just like that, no. We know what he did and believe me, he did it out of frustration because he really loved you, but we know best for him. And second... you like to fuck with random men. So since we're kind and generous, we will give you two options. One, you take all your shit and leave for good, because sluts never change and we won't allow you to hurt Pesci again. In the case you aren't feeling like going away, we can make it easier for you and end your pathetic, worthless life."

As soon as she jolts out of the seat towards the exit Illuso stops her, grabbing a fistful of her hair, tossing her body effortlessly onto the coffee table where she lands miserably.

"Where are you going, stupid cunt? I didn't say you had to leave immediately," Illuso interjected. "You know we're busy men, it's been a while since we had some fun and let out some steam. So before you go, we'll bury our cocks in every orifice you have. After all, you're just a whore who loves being dicked down, aren't you?" With this and a gesture from Risotto, the feast begun.