#he was characterized pretty well in that film all things considered

[akiiame-blog]

i would love to hear your opinion on Prince Haru

Ohh, see, he's kinda interesting.

As a big Mario x Peach shipper, I actually don't dislike him for the same reasons a lot of my fellow shippers do. I find his character more boring than anything, nothing I'm outright angry about.

But his appearance really did come out of nowhere. It makes me believe that he was added in at the last minute.

Especially when you look at the promotional artwork for this film. I'd get if they'd want his appearance to be a surprise, but why would they depict it as if this is a Mario and Peach love story? Her necklace that leads to Haru's appearance isn't even here.

Even throughout the film itself, we've never gotten a single hint that there was supposed to be a prince until the very end. There wasn't a hint that the dog was him either. The film was leaning towards a Mario and Peach love story all throughout, only to say "SIKE there's now this legend that states that Haru is Peach's true love 🥰" at the very end.

The thing is, I would've been alright with Haru's role in the story if there was any actual build up to it. But it's likely that someone at Nintendo told them they couldn't make Mario and Peach canonical during the late stages of this movie's production, so they kinda had to rush some things.

So yeah, I dislike him mainly because of that badly executed twist ending, not because he became Peach's husband at the end.

[sk3tch404]

Yandere Donnie Darko Hcs

A/n: I finally came around to watching Donnie Darko while I was styling my hair this morning. It was so good and omgg HIS CHARACTER!!! Love it 💜 What he voices in where he rebels against authority resonates with me in the most honest and straight up sense, it's crazy.

CW: Characterizing of psychosis without research (I am in no way claiming this is how individuals who suffer some psychosis or with schizophrenic symptoms act or feel like. This is simply a work of fiction and how I see Donnie's mental state affect the scenario), Donnie is actually very tame here except for his obvious criminal record and acts of violence, and YALL HES A MENTALLY ILL TEENAGE BOY so he's a lowkey soft okay. Y'all see him with Gretchen? So caring and passionate ugh, love him sm. <33 I try to write as close to canon as possible, but sometimes that leads to really soft yans and I kind of doubt my writing. Despite that. I like to think that not all yanderes need to be possessive killing machines in order to fit into the troupe. Everyone's got their own way of dealing with obsession, and so I think I did decently with this one lol.

Proof read a few times, so sorry for wordy/run on sentences and possible wonky grammar.

I feel like Donnie is very observant and patient with his darling. He's quite analytical for a teenage boy which leads him to take time to consider the variables that weigh within your possible relationship.

Donnie is still an awkward kid, so dont be surprised when you accidentally find him staring at you for a considerable period of time in class. In school, he doesn't approach you, seeing as the setting is already suffocating enough. He'd try to catch you after school or when you two have a little bit of privacy.

He's kinda shy and clumsy at first glance--- too talkative in his speech and self-aware of his minor fuck ups. Over time, he'll be more open to what he wants with you. Donnie might not really understand how to handle love and all of its complexities, but hell try really hard to make it work.

Yeah, y'all saw how fast he dived in for that kiss in the film?... Embarrassing, but it's true that he's quite excited to show his affection for you. He'll be "so chill with it," and he is to an extent--- not too clingy at all--- but when he's around he gives you guard dog privileges. Stays at your side and defends you from any brain rotting comments made from the guys around the neighborhood. Donnie isn't much of a fighter, but he's damn well capable of planning and executing a crime if it calls for it. One count of arson, another unaccounted for, severe property damage, and murder? Don't doubt it for one second that he won't consider further acts in the future to come.

His psychosis affects him directly when it comes to you--- as it also does with most things. He already feels so shitty with how things are going in his life, Frank voicing the many thoughts he has about you day to day stresses him further. Sometimes Donnie is scared Frank will convince him to hurt you as the countdown progresses. Despite that fear, he can't keep away from you.

This distress causes Donnie to rebel more often. As he spirals down the rabbit hole Frank keeps digging for him, the anxiety that follows with what will happen to you once the world ends lingers late at night in his bed.

Donnie's main love language is quality time. He walks with you from school and chills with you pretty much wherever. He's pretty book-smart, so he'll pitch in with your projects and homework assignments. His parents don't really seem like they care what he does most of the time, so if he's given the chance, he'll crash at your place for a few before they think he's off sleepwalking or some shit.

Donnie already knows he's slipping off the rails, placebo medication or not, Frank stays to stir the pot. He's almost scared, scared to death that you'll think he's an insane lunatic and he'll scare you off. But at the same time, why be scared if it's the truth? He has evidence, the book, and his own visions. That anxiety doesn't go away when he rambles on about the six-foot-tall bunny rabbit and how that thing has led him to the method of time travel.

You're just left there dumb founded as he stares on at you with that deadpanned look. Too late to back out now. World's ending and you don't got a boyfriend. Well, you got Donnie... and Frank's there too sometimes, but either way, you're all each other's got. You don't want to be alone do you? Donnie knows he doesn't.

He trusts you more than anyone else. Yeah he's on meds, and sure he's loony, but everyone knows that already; not that they seemed to care too much anyway. He feels like he can just exist with you around. All that pent up frustration with the looming guilt of his actions festering inside can be washed out like waves on a cold shore. Of course, it's not a cure-all, but it's damn nice compared to the bone headed friends he got and the tense dinner table back at home.

He has scratch paper in his drawers that are just filled with messy sketches of you. Not sure if he'd be the type to use sketchbooks, but he is pretty organized in his own room. Donnie just finds you so easy and beautiful to draw. Art block has nothing on this boy. He hates it when his sisters barge into his room and see any unfinished piece of you lying around. They tease him so bad about it, he wishes they'd just leave him alone.

"Ooo, is this the girl you're always wasting your time with?"

"No, gimme it. It's none of your business, and get out of my room."

"Geez, fine. Not like that's the freakiest thing you got in here anyway."

Donnie wouldn't be the extreme stalking type, but if he caught a glance of you, he wouldn't be able to look away. He'd also take into account what your daily patterns are as well as your likes and dislikes. He notices your little habits like if you constantly apply too much pressure to your mechanical pencil, making your lead break. He's always have had a passive opinion on the school uniform, but you made it look good, great even. Donnie likes it even more seeing you in street wear. He takes note on your style and even thinks of taking some inspiration from it to feel closer to you.

He's sensitive in places a teenager would be in most. He's irritable and closed off much of the time, even to you if it gets bad enough. Of course, it's not your fault usually. It only makes sense to be defensive in the case of anything he may perceive as a threat, even if that means any possibility of you breaking his heart.

Donnie may be a bit shy in his advances, but what he isn't is hesitant. He's quite bold in his thoughts and feelings. While he is afraid of your judgement in particular, he doesn't mind doing many things in front of you. Your collar is crooked, so let him just fix it up real quick. Talk about something that's got him thinking? He's letting his thoughts pour out like it's happy hour. He sees no issue in doing what he wants to, so if you're feeling unsure or nervous about something, he'll be the one to do it for you. Not many questions asked unless it's got his serious attention.

Kisses are passionate and deep. (Tbh when I first watched the movie I was like, "DAMN dont eat her face- shit.") I dont know if Donnie has had previous experience or not, but he's definitely got the enthusiasm. He tries to match your rhythm if you seem to have trouble following. Not too much tongue, but best believe he's devouring your lips like it's the last 6 hours in the universe. His hands are roaming around your body, feeling the dips and curves so cautiously because Jesus, you're just rocking his fucking world. If you tell him to slow down, he will. Donnie never wants to force you to do anything you wouldn't want to.

Words of affirmation aren't really a thing for him. If he says something to you, it was probably on his mind anyway. If you say "I love you" to him, he'd be almost stunned but wouldn't have a problem reciprocating that energy. He just felt like that connection between you two was already clear enough. No need to say it so directly. Although, it's nice. He really loves and cares for you. Would take a bullet for you--- cross his heart till he dies, all that sappy shit.

If you reject him, let's just say Frank and Donnie will be speaking more often. It pushes him off the edge. Frank isn't in Donnie's head just to do evil shit, but it's not like his presence doesn't perpetuate Donnie's behavior further. He wouldn't go on a killing spree or anything excessively violent like that. He'd be hyper-focused on the time travel aspect of his situation and become more forceful in his methods. He'd demand answers to make sense of all of it. To cope with the fact you didn't want him like how he needed you. Why didn't you like him enough? What didn't he do? Actually, what did he do? His mind feels like its on the brink of breaking as he tries to rationalize all the negativity in his life. He's already done too much, his world feels like it's collapsing in on itself before the actual day could even come. You were a majority of that world, and now it's just broken.

Donnie is so distraught and confused about his adolescent experiences, he almost doesn't know what to do. The only thing to do from then on is to focus on the countdown. Time travel, and how to fix it all. Otherwise, not only would he be left alone, but you would be too. Donnie wouldn't want that for you, not ever. Even with all the pain and frustration stowed away inside his still beating heart, he would never wish to hurt you; one of the only people on Earth who didn't suck so much as everyone else did.

[tossawary]

Recent "Star Trek" reboot universes have really tried to sell me on three different romances for Spock with other TOS characters whom he did not have romantic relationships (at least not positive ones) with in TOS, which makes it particularly annoying when some fans try to squirm away from the idea of ST ever doing a future reboot or remake in which Spock/Kirk are explicitly queer.

Like, "But it's not in the original! They want to be faithful to the original!" really, REALLY does not pass the "I think you might just be discomforted by queerness and you should work on that, rather than making appeals to the authority of textual accuracy to avoid being called a homophobe or transphobe" check here. Because it's not as though these reboots care about perfect faithfulness on pretty much any other front. We'll accept that the costumes and special effects get updated to move with the times, we'll accept wildly different characterization choices that essentially give these characters new personalities, we'll accept new timelines that change the entire political map of the galaxy, but you as a fan draw the line at "What if this character was bisexual this time?" Really???

To be clear, I am not trying to dunk on Spock/Uhura, Spock/Chapel, or Spock/T'Pring here, I am merely trying to illustrate a frustrating double-standard. TOS Uhura does notably flirt with Spock several times! I see it! I remember TOS Chapel's feelings for Spock being one-sided, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to try to update TOS's more misogynistic writing choices regarding female characters. TOS T'Pring did... kind of try to kill Spock because she didn't want to marry him, but again, I don't necessarily think it's immediately a bad thing to try to explore her as a character and her betrothal to Spock. It's fine! It's fine by me to explore new takes in new AUs.

It's just that none of that evidence from TOS for those relationships holds much of a candle to whatever the fuck Kirk and Spock had going on to inspire The Premise. "Amok Time" is an Experience. There's only so many times that Kirk can say something like, "The cost [of abandoning Spock] would have been my soul," before you want to put your face in your hands. They are taking shiny pebbles from TOS and trying their very best to sell them to me as the basis for romantic relationships in reboots, sure, while they are standing in the shadow of Spirk Evidence Mountain (TOS).

(Yes, I have seen the recent "Unification" short film. Yes, I enjoyed it. No, I will not consider Spirk "officially canon" until all plausible deniability for the squirmy folks has been completely, explicitly destroyed by a HUMAN kiss onscreen.)

And okay, I must admit, at the moment, I don't actually want Spirk to eventually happen in "Strange New Worlds" now that they've finally met. I'm mostly indifferent to their Spock and Kirk actors, personally, and the writing for every canonical romantic relationship in both SNW and "Discovery" so far has gotten a solid "well, they certainly are standing next to each other" from me. (Yes, even the gay marriage in "Discovery". I just haven't been into it so far.) I think the writers would fumble Spirk if they tried it in this specific show and then annoying fans would use the fumble as "evidence" never to try to do Spirk or queer retakes on other TOS characters ever again, or as "proof" against other queer ST in other shows characters generally.

I'm mostly just mildly annoyed that I have to keep watching Spock specifically, famously read by many people as a queer man, be straight and messy about it, especially when there has not really been a significant queer relationship onscreen in SNW yet, unless you count M'Benga's daughter Rukiya and her glow cloud friend named Debra, which I personally don't, honestly. I'd like an onscreen relationship with a main character with zero plausible deniability. There's definitely nothing yet that comes remotely close to the screentime that Spock/Chapel, Spock/T'Pring, and Kirk/La'an have all been given so far, unfortunately. (Sulu is not here yet. Scotty has just shown up. If Scotty gets to make out with a guy next season, or Uhura or Ortegas gets to make out with a lady, without it being part of some god-like-being's fantasy world, then I may be satisfied.) (Also, yes, I am aware of queer characters and relationships in other "Star Trek" shows, thanks. I very much enjoyed Mariner having her incredibly silly breakup with her girlfriend in "Lower Decks".)

"Star Trek" is one of those properties where some people's double-standards regarding romantic interpretations of the original series really jump out. "They can't do Kirk/Spock because they want to be faithful to the original!" Get real.

[rubberduckyrye]

Rye's Ramble Analysis/Theory On: Kirumi Toujou

Okay so this is gonna be VERY haphazard and nothing like what I do over at @unweavinglies so bear with me, but after I was reminded that Salmon Mode and Kirumi's LSE excisted, I looked into those and like. Holy shit why were none of these character details in canon--or even in her FTEs?

These details change Kirumi's characterization so DRASTICALLY.

Analysis Exhibit #1: Self hatred/Self Deprecation--AKA there's TRAUMA in this Bish

Kirumi is really hard on herself when she makes the most. Nothing burger mistakes. She even suggests that Shuichi could berate her in any way he saw fit because of how "bad" she thought the mistake was--and even implies that she deserves it.

This is not something someone who has a stable self image thinks.

People who have a stable, positive self image are more likely to go "Oh! Whoops, anyway--" over berating themselves for not knowing someone prefers green tea over black tea.

Her whole LSE is about how Kirumi feels like her romantic love for her master would be a bad influence on him--that she needs to leave because her feelings are bad and wrong and--

She doesn't feel like she deserves her feelings to be validated.

People don't just come to the conclusion that their feelings are invalid all on their own--often more than not, this is a huge red flag for trauma--neglect and abuse coming to mind. Kirumi was definitely put in a situation where she believed that her feelings weren't just hindrances--but bad influences, that her feelings weren't valid at all. Combined with the above point, it's pretty clear that Kirumi may have even been yelled at for making mistakes as a child. There was definitely verbal abuse from how willing she was to let Shuichi have at her for her mistake, and her feelings being things she associates with negativity or being invalid suggests that she was often scolded for having feelings at all.

I think her maturity is a mask for her insecurities and potential trauma, and her hard-working nature is the result of thinking she needs to make herself useful to others by any means necessary in order to feel worthy of praise--maybe even worthy of living.

Kirumi even protests to the idea of Shuichi (her master) seeing her as an equal--a sign of dehumanizing herself.

With all that being said--

Her protest is never completed, but considering how Kirumi views herself, it's VERY likely that she would feel like if she doesn't clean the place up, then she isn't worthy. I think that this line can be interpreted in a variety of ways, but I see it as her trying to say "When you clean, I become useless."

And like.

Her whole LSE is her beating herself up about how she doesn't know how to prepare konjac.

All of these signs point to some kind of verbal abuse or severe neglect--more likely the former over the latter. I'm not exactly sure who abused/neglected her, but the signs are very much There.

It's possible her adamant dislike of being called mom or being referred to as "motherly" stems from this very-likely abuse, but that's more speculation and it's as equally as likely that she just simply finds it degrading. Either way.

Analysis Exhibit #2: People Pleasing (Struggling to Say No)

Kirumi has a very distinct inability to say no to most "reasonable" requests. I specify "requests" because it ties into the points above and how Kirumi sees herself.

Here, she is blatantly stating that if Shuichi is requesting her to watch this documentary then she will. Despite her very clear dislike of bugs, if she is told that it is a request, then she will complete that request, much to her distaste or discomfort.

The fact that Kirumi declines the offer if it isn't a request shows that despite her nature to please, she really dislikes bugs. She wouldn't be polite and watch the film with Shuichi due to how much she hates them.

This is also shown here as well:

She does, of course, have boundaries she will not cross, as shown here:

But she outright states that "Maids have the right to refuse requests."

Except she only goes by this motto when the request is extreme in nature, like if she feels that she is being objectified or sexualized... or told to take a hecking break.

She even says this:

Suggesting that, rather than just flatly telling Shuichi "No, I'm NOT burning this place tot he ground, are you out of your mind?" She asks him to "retract his statement." She asks him to hold the power over her, telling him that she would be willing to burn an entire building for him simply if he had a good enough reason for his "request" but also telling him that he has to be in control here. He has to retract his statement, she cannot simply refuse.

Analysis Exhibit #3: A "Go Don't Stop" Kind of Girl

Kirumi does take breaks, but she struggles with resting quite a lot.

Firstly:

Kirumi's likes and dislikes line up with her chosen profession--being a maid. She likes cleaning, but hates resting. With everything else above, I'm personally convinced that Kirumi more so likes to feel "useful" and dislikes to feel "useless." So if she works, she is considered "useful" to those around her.

Even when in a kidnapping situation, she is thinking of the others care and comfort:

While I'm sure Kirumi has escape on her mind, she is also trying to make accommodations for everyone else at the same time. Serving everyone else is just as important to her as escaping with her own life--something I'll further address in a moment, but for now:

This girl literally comprehend when someone just wants to hang out with her and talk to her as a person. Everything is about her being a maid, and she makes it pretty clear that her status as a maid comes before all else.

Now, about her life...

Analysis Exhibit #4: A Maid's Selfless Devotion (Verses the Trolley Problem)

Kirumi chose to die with everyone else whent he time limit was running out.

Despite there being no strings attached, despite there being a young man offering up his life for the others to take, everyone--herself included--refuses the offer. Why? Because in that moment, she is serving everyone in that group, to her detriment.

While the "We'd rather all die here than kill someone" sentiment is unspoken, there is proof that Kirumi is going with whatever the group as a whole wants:

Implying that, had everyone chosen to die at the time limit, she would have done so as well. It's more likely that she and everyone else would die fighting rather than sit back and let their deaths happen, but her life coming to an end was a very real possibility that she, as a very intelligent and logical person, weighed against everything and decided that saving herself via murder was not worth her own life.

This, of course, changes in chapter 2:

Because Kirumi is led to believe that her life, her service, is the only thing keeping a whole country safe.

Whereas before Kirumi's loyalty to the group was so solid that she didn't even fall to the temptation of murdering someone to escape, when she is presented with what is essentially the penultimate Trolley Problem, she goes and chooses the path that has the fewest casualties. Her choice between the V3 cast VS the entire nation of Japan is a very logical choice, almost a no-brainer. She even convinced herself that Ryoma was offering up his life to her after she confessed to him that she had too many reasons to escape from that hell of a school. He turned his back on her--and logically, he would never have done that if he had any self preservation left in him. That is her logic, her reasoning, her excuse to make her crime less egregious to herself and the others--but she had too much on her shoulders. She did what she thought needed to be done, and that was that.

Final Notes:

I'm not gonna lie, I came into this not expecting a whole lot.

From what I remember when I did my initial research on Kirumi, I thought that she had very little character to her. She was a Maid and that Was It. And it's sort of true--in canon and even in her FTEs, she's portrayed as nothing but a maid.

But her LSE and her Salmon Mode paint a slightly different picture of her--one of a lonely, neglected, abused girl who thinks extremely little of herself if she's not being useful. Someone who was taught that her feelings were rotten things and invalid, things that would only hinder other people and their potential. She works and works and works just to prove to herself that she's worth it. That she's as useful to as many people as she physically can be. She struggles with casual conversation, probably because she can't imagine anyone would want to talk to Kirumi Toujou, the person, and instead needs Kirumi Toujou, the Ultimate Maid for her services.

I think that this information being in extra game modes and buried under canon (plus a more accessible bonus mode) that did absolutely nothing for her character, I think Kirumi gets a bad reputation as a character who's got nothing else to her. Like I don't blame people who missed this information and/or thought nothing of it--in isolation, it's hard to pick up on/easily overlooked in favor of the characterization she got in the main canon story and even her FTEs.

I used to think that Kirumi wasn't much of a character--but now, I realized that's very, very wrong. She's more than just a maid! But you have to dig around and put the pieces together to actually see what's behind that perfect mask of hers.

[antianakin]

hiii, it's me again, someone who keeps popping in to say things nobody asked for lol. i was wondering if people who've been in the fandom longer (like you) agree with my impression that the novelizations are reallyyy important context for fanon interpretations? i didn't realize this until a discussion i had today iwth someone who helpfully summarized some of the popular prequel novels, which seem to match up really well with headcanons & fanon personalities. apparently stover emphasized obi-wan's devotion to anakin and how he's a ride or die for him. and apparently another popular novel wrote an adult obi-wan "as if a teenager in emotional maturity" which also would, you know- explain a lot.

the novels i've actually read are the jedi apprentice series, which i don't have much issues with, even though they certainly spin the trauma wheel lol. maybe it's been qui-gon and obi-wan both feel as if they are trying their best and their misunderstandings due to mutual action, rather than pure passivity? or maybe that even though the books have very dramatic conflicts that certainly put obi-wan in woobifiable situations, they more often than not help draw out distinct characteristics and strengths of his through those situations?

Just for clarity, I have NOT been in this fandom all that long by my own standards. I obviously did watch Star Wars as a kid and read some Star Wars fanfics when I was really young, but in terms of "participating in fandom" as such, that's really only been happening since like... 2021 maybe? It was basically a COVID byproduct, I had the time to consume some Star Wars stuff I'd never managed to get around to before and things devolved from there. And I honestly have read hardly any of the novels or comics myself, including the official film novelizations. Like you, the only books I've actually read are the Jedi Apprentice middle grade books, and that's really it.

So while I can speak to some of the experiences I've had in this fandom since I got into it a few years ago, I cannot speak to what fandom has been like since those novelizations were released almost 20 years ago now.

Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization seems to be pretty popular and considered one of the better novelizations. I've had people tell me that there's SOME evidence Lucas had something to do with the book and so it's often considered a fairly high level of canon as a result.

But the passage you're referencing where Stover emphasizes how Obi-Wan is "ride or die" for Anakin is genuinely one of the reasons I've never bothered to read it, no matter how pretty people say his prose is. If you want to actually see it yourself, I'll copy it below.

The line in question comes from an extended version of the scene in ROTS where Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu are discussing Anakin's reaction to being asked to spy on Palpatine as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Interpret the scene how you will, I guess. The Anakin characterization meshes with how I tend to understand the character, but the Obi-Wan characterization could not be farther away from how I see him in canon.

I don't know anything about whatever novel wrote Obi-Wan as though he had the emotional maturity of a teenager. That doesn't ring any bells for me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are authors who've written Star Wars books that just simply don't like Obi-Wan all that much and so if he shows up in their work, he could come across as having the emotional maturity of a teenager because that's how that author chose to write him. It would seem odd for it to show up in an official film novelization, I would expect it more in some of the Legends content, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Legends content in general DOES have an impact on fanon and fan interpretations of Star Wars because, for a long while, it was the only way to GET more Star Wars content beyond the films themselves. For a lot of people, they were canon because there was nothing to refute them. And even once there was, people sometimes were still so attached to those stories that they preferred them to the story told in the films.

So, yeah, it can have a major impact on people's understanding of things. Often if you get into discussions about, say, the Jedi or the Force, people will bring up Legends content to prove their arguments. You shouldn't feel like this means you personally have to consume any Legends content you don't want to consume. I tend to avoid it most of the time. It is perfectly for you to just stick with the films or the shows or whatever books you find most interesting. And even within that, what you consider canon doesn't have to include literally everything you've chosen to consume. I've read the Jedi Apprentice books and enjoyed them, but it ISN'T real canon and I don't necessarily take any of it into account in my own interpretations of the characters. Legends content and Disney EU content is, in many ways, just officially licensed fanfiction. If you don't consider every fanfic you read to be canon, you do not have to consider every Legends book or comic you choose to read to be canon, either. Sometimes it's fun to just see other people's takes on Star Wars even if there's no way to fit into the canon story of Star Wars (as a side note, this is why I love Star Wars: Visions so much as a show).

I don't know if this really answered your question. As someone who doesn't consume a lot of Legends content and hasn't read a single one of the official film novelizations, I may not be the right person to ask about this.

[fortanreviews]

Top 30 Mathematical Worst Movies Ever Made

Ever since I saw Jason Graves's Mathematical Worst SNES Games, I wanted to try my hand at making a similar list this time for movies using his C.R.A.P. score. I scoured through Internet for any top 10 listicle and video I could find and got some...interesting results. Does this define the objectively worst movies of all time? Well, no. It's all based on opinion, my list isn't gonna be any more legitimate than IMDB's Bottom 100 or Rotten Tomatoes Bottom 100.

All the lists I went to rounded up to about 320 movies in total, but I don't wanna be here forever and there were some...uh, hot takes on many of those lists, so I rounded it down to 30, let's start the list.

30. Ballistic Ecks vs Sever (2002) (C.R.A.P Score: 57.14)

I have heard of this movie, it might have the status of being the Objectively Worst Movie in Rotten Tomatoes as it has 0% score despite having over 100 critic reviews, making it the worst reviewed movie on the site.

Lucy Liu is Sever, a rogue DIA agent who kidnaps the son of the agency's director Robert Gant, and FBI calls former agent Ecks played by Antionio Banderas to kill her. The reason it is considered bad is because it's extremely boring and full of cliches for the era, but some people have praised it for the practical effects. Also the title is a lie as Ecks and Sever team up in the middle of the movie to take on Robert Gant who is the movie's twist villain.

Apparently there were high plans for this movie but it fell through because of the greed of the studio. Damn, even the backstory of the film is generic. Another thing people bring up about this movie is the fact it has 2 GBA licensed games that are better than the actual movie, and one of them is based on the earlier version of the movie. I have not seen this movie really, so I can't talk much about it but I think Ballistic might be a legitimate contender for worst movie because Boring is Worse Than Bad, as they say.

29. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017) (C.R.A.P Score: 64)

Oh boy, anytime Disney Star Wars is brought up in a conversation you know it's going to turn into a shitfest. And nothing is more divisive than Last Jedi, and I am shocked but not surprised it actually made into Top 30.

There are a lot of things people don't like about this movie. Characterization of Luke, the plot twist of Rey turning out to be a nobody, the bleaker tone courtesy of Rian Johnson, the character of Rose Tico, Snoke getting killed before we find out who he is, that one scene where Luke drinks alien titty milk, and that one scene where they ruin the established canon of Star Wars...remember when midichlorians were bad?

Look, Disney Sequel Trilogy was not handled well, which can be blamed on not sticking to one united vision of one director like previous two trilogies. However, putting ANY Star Wars movie on any worst movie ever lists is just ridiculous.

From what I've seen of Last Jedi, the cinematography is really good (except for the scene where Luke drinks alien titty milk), the whole aspect of making a Star Wars movie that doesn't feel like a Star Wars movie is pretty interesting and trying to do grey morality in a movie notable for having very black and white morality was a good attempt, and it doesn't feel as soulless as J. J. Abrams's other entries to the trilogy or hell any Star Wars project under Disney. But also, I've heard that the movie is very not nuanced when it comes to the themes of the movie itself, with characters outright stating them, and it suffers from having some completely pointless scenes and subplots. Also Luke drinking alien titty milk is the most disgusting thing in all of Star Wars.

I better stop before the defenders and the enemies of the movie both come to scream at me for having a nuanced take on the movie. Well, whatever you think of the movie, it's too ridiculous for it to be on this list.

28. North (1994) (C.R.A.P Score: 66.66)

A boy decides to divorce his parents and goes to find other parents that are all some forms of offensive stereotype. And it was all a dream.

If you've heard of Roger Ebert, you know that he fucking hates hates hates hates this movie and I can kinda see why. The premise is incredibly fucked up and the jokes REALLY don't land. It's also critiqued for being too childish for adults and too adultish for children, which is a very legitimate complaint. North also comes across as an entitled asshole child who is violently racist towards other cultures. I think what upsets me most is the "glurge"ish tone the movie tries to go, I despise american feel good family movies with a passion when they are not done well and I am glad I did not see North as a kid.

27. Gigli (2003) (C.R.A.P Score: 67,20)

I kept coming across this movie in many of the lists making me think "what the actual fuck is Gigli???" Turns out it's a romantic comedy originally intended to be a black comedy, starring hot couple at the time, Ben "Of course he's holding a gun in the poster" Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Mob enforcer Larry Gigli is forced to kidnap a mentally impaired man named Brian who is a threat to the mob for some reason, alongside an assassin named Ricki. Gigli is attracted to Ricki but unfortunately she is a lesbian, wah waaah.

Gigli, Ricki and Brian spend the rest of the movie in an apartment where it fully transistions into a romantic comedy with some implications of the previous plot sneaking through.

After reading that synopsis it seems that Gigli is like a bad webcomic, it suffers from a massive identity crisis because it tried to cash in to Lopez and Affleck's romance. They divorced shortly before release of the movie and only got together again in 2021.

Most of the complaints about this movie are similar to Ecks vs. Sever, in that it's boring and aimless as a result of the change in genres. However years have also added Ricki being cured of his lesbianism thanks to Ben Affleck's shooting charisma, and the insulting depiction of Brian. All I am thinking Gigli might legitimately be the worst named movie so far.

26. Alone in The Dark (2005) (C.R.A.P Score: 72,66)

Oh hey, the first video game movie on the list, and it's also by the infamous filmmaker Uwe Boll himself. Uwe Boll is kind of a cunt if you've read about him. He hates video games and makes his movie adaptations bad on purpose, he challenges his critics to boxing matches and last time I remember hearing abot him he used his letterboxd account to put negative reviews on better movies. Personally, I only remember Alone in the Dark as the delightfully polygonal 1992 shooter but most people nowadays associate it with the grimdark realistic 2008 game or this movie.

I would summarize the plot here but the movie opens with an extremely long opening credit scrolls that pretty much explains the entire plot of the movie. The whole movie is essentially just a ripoff of Aliens. Wait, I thought the original game was about zombies, what the fuck happened?

Either way, this movie is essentially a whole bunch of nothing. I think people hate it more because it's a bad adaptation and because Uwe Boll is a cunt rather than for what the movie actually is, if you can get past the opening scroll anyways.

25. Dragonball Evolution (2007) (C.R.A.P Score: 74,40)

The first movie on this list I have actually seen myself. It's a shoddy whitewashed adaptation of the original Dragon Ball, not Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball, when Goku looked like a child.

This combined with Dragon Ball GT made 2000's the roughest period in Dragon Ball history. The thing is this movie mainly serves as a thing for DBZ fandom to laugh at and if you're not familiar with aspects of the original series you're not gonna get much out of it. Dragon Ball handled the massive cliches this movie had much better. It also changed a lot of things from the original series, Goku is a teenager who lives in America and he is also white (yes, one might make the argument anyone can be Goku because he is an alien not a human, but still), Master Roshi is no longer an old pervert, Chichi joins the story way too early and it removes shitton of characters while compressing it, like Tienshan, Chiaotzu, Krillin, Emperor Pilaf, Oolong and many more.

Having seen the movie, it's just a typical annoying scifi fantasy merge adaptation from 2000's. I don't think anybody asked for a live action Dragon Ball adaptation but somehow in the world where all animes are turned into live action adaptations it continues to be infamous.

24. Pinocchio (2002) (C.R.A.P. Score: 75,29)

Speaking of terrible liveaction adaptations, we have...2002 version of Pinocchio? What?

Yes, as it turns out, this movie is specifically talking about the Miramax dub of the movie rather than the italian original. Harvey Weinstein's rapist hands turned this movie from a tribute to classic pantomime theater and italian stage adaptations of Pinocchio into a screwball comedy with an annoying voice cast, a narrator who never shuts up and James Belushi. Also a lot of americans were put off by Pinocchio being played by Roberto Benigni who was 50 when he played Pinocchio. You guys were lucky to not have Pauly Shore Pinocchio and the horseshit smelling live action corporate shill influencer Pinocchio come on people. Especially hearing that making a Pinocchio was Benigni's lifelong dream just makes reception to this movie more depressing. Critique Weinstein's shitty dub all you want but you can make a shitty dub of Citizen Kane if you hire wrong people to do it. Original Italian version looks charming and perfectly inoffensive. This is the choice I disagree with the most in this list so far.

23. Cats (2019) (C.R.A.P Score: 77,14)

Ew, if americans thought Pinocchio was uncanny they should have burned down every theater that played this movie. I think everyone in 2019 remembers seeing this movie's trailer and just how disgusting it was. It just proves to you that bad CGI is universally unappealing. Cats lands so hard in the center of the uncanny valley it leaves a smoking crater and wipes out all life. I never even hear people talk how good is this at adapting the original Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. But idk, I had my fill of theaterical experiences with cats after I saw my local junior high put on a Peter No-Tail play. But you could have the best script in the world and even then you can't save the movie from its disgusting CGI and James Corden. Perhaps one day the mythical Butthole cut will resurface and reawaken the nightmares once again.

That being said, I still wouldn't call this one of the worst movies ever made. It is probably the worst movie based on visuals though.

22. Meet the Spartans (2008) (77,16)

Ah, Seltzer and Frieberg. Internet's favourite movie-related punching bag who disappeared just as fast as they came. It would have been funny if they kept rolling these movies out forever just purely out of spite. I give Seltzer and Frieberg movies credit that they are time capsules of their time and you want to tune in out of pure curiosity for what fucking local phenomenon they are trying to reference this time. The best scene of the movie is at the beginning where Leonidas kills Mumbles Happy Feet because I fucking hate Happy Feet. It's the second worst movie I have ever seen and while it was on some lists it didn't do well enough to get into Top 30. Rest of the movie is filled with reference after reference after reference of dated humour. It wouldn't get as reference heavy as their next movie, which may or may not appear on this list. I have also seen this movie, I think it's better than Epic Movie, but it's pretty much aimless shitty comedy.

21. Howard the Duck (1986) (80,12)

Howard the Duck is widely considered to be the first bad comic book movie and it doesn't even feature a superhero, it features a duck and admittedly this movie is the reason most people know Howard the Duck and why Howard probably cameo'd in Guardians of the Galaxy. Executive produced by George Lucas, Howard the Duck is like Cats of its time, with a very unappealing protagonist, a nightmarish animatronic duck who has sexual adult relationships with sexual adults. Also one of the first things you see in this movie is, to quote certain internet personality, Ducktits, woohoo. That's all people mention about this movie, I don't think they even know the plot of the movie because they can't get past the main protagonist's design. Howard the Duck hasn't even gotten a fanbase of dark fantasy enjoyers like some of the other movies released during this period that were critically panned. Fuck, this really was Cats of the 80's, but at least there is no James Corden.

20. Freddy Got Fingered (2001) (C.R.A.P. Score: 83,33)

Freddy Got Fingered, better known as "Tom Green's Mental Breakdown" is a movie I hear a lot of people talk about. It has been referred to as the worst comedy ever made because of its extremely crass, disgusting and downright bizarre scenes. It's almost been referred to as a satire of "dudebro" comedy and even American Comedy as a whole, going so extremely insanely over the top in the grossout factor. We have scenes where Tom Green rips out a baby from woman's womb and eats its umbilical cord asplattering blood everywhere, Rip Torn playing Tom Green's unhinged molester dad, a child getting torn to shreds by an airplane propeller and Tom Green making passionate love to a horsecock on screen. It's like Salo: 120 Days of Sodom of Comedy.

Despite the fact I would not want to watch this movie, this was a movie Tom Green earnestly and honestly wanted to make, and I can respect that. The movie has its defenders who do buy into the whole "secretly it's brilliant satire of dudebro comedy" territory. Considering it almost feels like a movie whose jokes could be used in almost any Adult Swim show, maybe it really was ahead of its time.

19. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011) (C.R.A.P. Score: 84,35)

...what? What is this? This is literally just a concert movie, and pretty average one at that. There is no plot, it's a documentary. It's literally a documentary. Documentaries can also be bad, like what's the name of that one guy who keeps making those "Donald Trump is the Second Coming of Christ and Hillary Clinton eats babies" documentaries? What about that documentary where Disney killed lemmings? But this one, I can't see it. Even if you think it's a movie that glorifies that teen idol lifestyle or it shows Justin Bieber smoking weed in front of his parents, it's still far from the worst movie out there. Oh wait, I know, it's because of the Internet's Circlejerk of Bieber hatred that plagued Internet in early 2010's. It's genuinely the most forced thing in the universe. Also especially now that we've learned that he apparently got abused during his younger years and may or may not have been a victim of P. Diddy. Let the man smoke his weed in peace, and stop putting this movie in your stupid lists.

Seriously what happens in this movie that makes it worse than Tom Green sucking a horse cock? Or hell, the dread boretone that is Ecks vs. Sever? Gee munitley.

18. Catwoman (2004) (C.R.A.P. Score: 91,22)

I saw this movie as a kid. That should tell you everything you need to know. The only thing I remember from this movie really is the cats walking around Halle Berry's dead corpse before she gets resurrected as Catwoman.

This has nothing and fuckall to do with Catwoman of DC Comics. I feel like the only reason people pick this comic is because they seriously think it's an adaptation of Batman Catwoman and not an attempt to do some form of standalone story. Before Joker 2019, this was all people got.

One common criticism for this movie is how oversexualized Halle Berry is in this movie especially when she gets her outfit, almost looking like BDSM stripper. Another critique people have it was it was specifically trying to appeal to women but it was clueless. The whole thing is about Catwoman Halle Berry fighting against an evil skin cream company while dressed up like an extra from the local batman porn parody. In that case yeah I can see why it would anger some people. I would replace this entry with Wild World of Batwomen if I could.

17. Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) (91,42)

Garbage Pail Kids is just one of those things that feel like, an extreme product of their time. Not even the most hardcore of 80's kids go "damn remember GARBAGE PAIL KIDS? THOSE WERE THE COOLEST!!". And this movie wasn't exactly a love letter to the series. This movie was produced by a director who only wanted money for it, and the original owners of GBK also only wanted money from it, leading to a movie nobody gave a shit about. Famous voice actor Jim Cummings voiced two characters in this movie and after seeing the finished product he hated it so much he actually boycotted the movie. Yeah the characters are somehow even worse looking than Howard the Duck. They're pissing their pants, beating other people up and one of them is an alligator for some reason. I will at least say State Home for the Ugly is kind of a fucked up funny joke. Rest of this movie I treat with disdained apathy. With it having almost no redeemable qualities and it being treated as pure shlock by everyone working on it, it is the first entry on this list that I think could be in the running for one of the worst movies of all time.

16. Emoji Movie (2017) (92,30)

We have the first and only animated movie on the list. Emoji Movie is a terrible movie meant to cash in on the concept of emojis created by Sony Animation. It has Patrick Stewart voicing an actual piece of shit.

Okay not gonna lie, I remember when this movie was coming out, I was LIVID. I WAS ANGRY. I was personally offended by this fucking movie I thought the Cinema as a whole was going to be destroyed if this movie came out. But it didn't. And here is its legacy.

Yeah most offensive thing about this movie is both the original trailer and the whole moral, where instead of writing a poem for his crush the boy just sends the SUPER COOL EMOJI to the girl, moral of the story, saying words is evil.

It's also odd how this movie tries to have this super edgy authoritarian villain, like did this movie need anti-authoritarian themes??? And the girl who goes "I was a princess emoji but then I became a REBEL" Yeah sure you did girl. Oh yeah and don't forget about all the lovely PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

One more thing about the movie, there actually were people who genuinely thought this was gonna be good, because "Lego Movie was ridiculed but it took a stupid concept and made a good movie!!!". People still pull the Lego Movie Card™️ to this day whenever a movie based on a ridiculous concept is announced, and yeah that could be renamed to Barbie Movie Card™️now. But I feel that people expecting this movie to be shit were just as cringe, like me, but at least I wasn't like Animat, who said everyone involved with the creation of this movie should be killed. I am so glad there isn't another animated movie on this countdown. Animation fans are unhinged.

15. Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (94,11)

Original Jaws is an absolute classic, a great movie. But unfortunately, the sequel, no wait, the sequel's sequel, no wait, the sequel's sequel's sequel was bottom of the barrel material. Apparently, this movie wasn't critiqued for being more of the same, the movie was critiqued for taking the franchise into a fucking ridiculous direction. The shark has somehow developed a vendetta against the Brody family, and it proceeds to follow late Chief Brody's family to the Bahamas.

This movie's ending had two versions, in the original one, the character of Jake dies and the shark is impaled into a boat with no fanfare, but in the revised ending, the shark explodes and Jake is implied to survive. I admit I kinda like the latter ending more, I mean when you reach Jaws 4, you should obviously kill off the shark in the most over the top way possible, and also Jake is my boyfriend's name so I prefer if he survived.

Yes, another thing people bring up is the shark roaring. And like, considering the shark is sentient and out for revenge, of COURSE you could make it roar??? The whole movie just sounds so bad it's good. If you want a movie that slaps the original in the face with intense violence, try Exorcist II The Heretic, which sadly didn't make it to this list.

There is one aspect of this movie that is actually stupid, and it's not in the actual movie but rather the novelization, apparently the reason this shark is aware of the concept of revenge is because a VOODOO PRIEST cursed this shark to specifically target Brody's family. And it's never even elaborated upon. This decision famously named the trope "Voodoo Shark", where an attempt to fix a plot hole just raises more questions. That's something webcomics like to do a lot. This is a good time to plug my other blog, goddamnwebcomics!

14. Gotti (2018) (96,42)

What is widely considered the worst biopic of all time (if you ask me that title should go to Patch Adams, or Wired!), we have Kevin Connolly's Gotti. John Travolta is John Gotti, the leader of the Gambino Crime Family. This movie does oddly enough have something in common with Wired, Gotti himself acts as a narrator to the story, appearing as like a posthumous guardian spirit who comments on the events of his life. The movie also goes out of its way to portray this mob boss who killed people as INNOCENT FAMILY MAN AND HAPPY GO LUCKY NYW YOHKAH BAMBINO WHO GOT OPPRESSED BY DE FEDS AND DA PIGS EUUH EUUUH EUUUUH. I mean say what you want about The Babe Ruth Story, but at least it whitewashed someone who was not a MURDERER.

It should also be noted creators of this movie pulled a temper tantrum for being critiqued and they went "critics don't want you to see this movie!!! Go watch it to find out why!!" That's not how Streisand Effect works you fucking moron.

That being said while the movie is trying to whitewash a mob boss and have some very bizarre framing, terrible writing and inappropriate use of Pitbull, John Travolta as Gotti does put on a great performance, especially when he gets emotional.

I have a HUGE fascination on biopics so I might make another blogpost about them, we'll see if Gotti lives up to the title of worst biopic. But for now, let's move on.

13. Twilight (2008) (96,42)

This did tie with Gotti, but I guess this movie got more top rankings soooo...

Twilight is one of those things that got unnecessarily hated on for being for girls. However over the years people went "Oh no wait, Steph Meyer is actually a horrible person and these movies actually have some actual problems in them". That being said, the first Twilight is worst??? The worst one is the one with the CGI baby and Jacob wanting to fuck them! Yes, the first one is pretty cringeworthy, but I used to have a christmas tradition of marathoning all of Twilight Saga with Rifftrax commentary, so I am more familiar with these movies than most. Edward is definitely at his worst here, being a dumbass stalker who constantly hounds down Bella, and Bella is just kind of an empty slate who never finishes her sentence. There are no likeable characters in this movie aside from Mustache Dad. Yes Twilight movies have their own issues but they are far from the worst movies ever made.

Well, much like society as a whole both Pattinson and Stewart have moved on from Twilight and are doing MUCH better in their careers. Taylor Lautner, not so much. Some people say Abduction killed his career but I think it was the baby imprinting.

12. Son of the Mask (2005) (98,08)

If Cats is the peak of terrible modern CGI, then Son of the Mask is definitely the peak of terrible dated CGI. I saw the original Mask and really liked it but I haven't seen this, for a good reason. Jamie Kennedy is not Jim Carrey, but he would not have saved this movie.

Giving the mask to a dog was a really bad idea and Loki isn't as memorable of a villain as the one in the first movie, and the baby being a 24/7 reality warper..fucking hell, why do you put babies in movies??? This better be the last movie in this list with a baby in it.

But what people especially hate about this movie is as I mentioned the CGI which results in grossout humor and nightmare abominations from Hell. While not constant, it might actually be harder to look at than Cats? Personally for me, CGI as an artform peaked in 2008, but this is one of the few examples of CGI before that era that I consider very hard to look at. And the terrible script is not helping, especially if you like the original movie or the comics.

11. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023) (108,69)

It's the newest movie on this list and okay this choice actually being here really pisses me off. What effectively is a generic slasher movie of a guy with Winnie the Pooh mask is treated as the worst thing ever because the director of the movie is an edgelord who abuses the public domain to make edgy bullshit. I've seen this movie and all the copycats it spawned make people think that Public Domain was a mistake. And NO, IT'S ONLY NOW THIS SHIT IS FUCKING GOING TO PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE DISNEY BASICALLY PREVENTED ANYTHING FROM GOING INTO PUBLIC DOMAIN FOR 100 YEARS.

It's ultimately like any other slasher movie, make the backstory not Winnie the Pooh related and take out the mask and it's a generic slasher movie, it's Ecks vs Sever of slasher movies where everything has been done before. Just because you give a new coat of paint to your 40 year old car that uses a character that entered public domain recently, doesn't mean the car is new, but it still gets people's attention.

These are cashgrabs, just like Asylum movies. They are produced quickly in order to cash in to something that should be cultural celebration. Cool stuff done with public domain will take time, and don't let this slop as you kiddies like to say ruin it for you. There's a platformer coming out that only uses public domain assets and it looks pretty interesting.

But anyways, enough of my rant. This thing deserves to be buried and not given any attention, just like all people desperate for attention like the director of this movie.

10. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010) (110,20)

Birdemic is a hilariously bad indie movie created by Tippi Hedren's local stalker James Nguyen. This movie is too funny to get mad at. The bird effects, Rod's stilted acting, forced attempts to pay tribute to classic movies and the hamfisted message about climate change doing it just contribute to the charm. Yeah I can't hate this movie. Both it and its sequel are fucking stupid and are filled with quotable lines. Birdemic 2 is kind of an odd case because it tries to be self aware but also genuine at the same time??? And they addressed absense of one of the actors from the past movie by saying she died from eating a fish Rod cooked in the last movie? Like that is hilarious. A lot of the movies I have shown to hate on this countdown are purely affairs created by greedy people without passion, whether they're indie makers or corporations. Nguyen may be a weirdo but at least he is legitimately passionate, and Birdemic movies are charming in their own ways. Yeah I disagree with the inclusion of Birdemic, it's easily the most entertaining movie on this list so far.

9. Movie 43 (2013) (118,68)

Okay, what the fuck is this movie??? I didn't know anything about it until I started research for this article and apparently the reason people hated it is because it's basically Freddy Got Fingered as an anthology movie, wasting its huge cast of talent on a bunch of crude sketches. The thing is, I haven't seen the movie but none of these sound too outrageous? It apparently got two different framing devices when it was released, one of which was exclusive to US and another that was exclusive to global audience. I kind of miss international changes so that idea is kind of good. Other than that, it can't even do Freddy Got Fingered properly. Chris Pratt doesn't make out with a horse cock, so what's the point. Also just about everyone involved with the making of the movie hate it. It's definitely an interesting and ambitious idea that just got overcooked.

8. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) (128,04)

I am not talking about this

7. Human Centipede 2 (2011) (133,33)

Finally, some bleach for eyes. Yeah you might be surprised Human Centipede 2 is considered the worst one. I don't know either. It goes for a more black and white style and depicts the first movie as a work of fiction? What is this? Halloween 3?

Anyways, in order to top the first Human Centipede, you have to make a bigger Human Centipede. And yeah this is just Freddy Got Fingered if Tom Green wanted to get arrested at the premiere. A prostitute gets raped and killed, another woman's tongue gets cut off, a pregnant woman dies and then suddenly comes back to life, gives birth in a car and crushes her baby's skull, and a centipede goes up the main freak's ass at the end of the movie. And of course there's the whole concept of Centipede itself. I am glad to be dead when this movie goes into public domain because then we will get "Winnie the Pooh makes the Human Centipede" movie that everyone will make number 1 in their Worst Movies Of All Time rankings.

I feel that Human Centipede trilogy as a whole is a valid argument for any worst movies ever lists. It tries to present its disgusting vomit inducing premise as something deep when they are just an excuse for extremely disgusting shlock that the director probably jacks off to. Only props I can give this movie is that the freak who wants to make Human Centipede in real life after watching the first movie looks EXACTLY like the kind of a freak who wants to make Human Centipede in real life after watching the first movie. That is some incredible casting.

6. Disaster Movie (2008) (138,30)

In the exact same year as Meet the Spartans, Seltzer and Frieberg's most hated movie came out, The Disaster Movie. Yeah at this point these movies were completely out of ideas so they threw every movie to the kitchen sink and made jokes about it like there's a whole sequence where they do rapid fire references, like "I'm Batman", "I'm Beowulf", "I'm Iron Man", "I'm Kung Fu Panda". That pretty much exemplifies the state of this movie. You've got Alvin and the Chipmunks singing death metal and eating Juno from Juno, in theaters now. You've got Ella Enchanted coming to town and also High School Musical, which is another thing that was one of the movies included in this project but didn't end up in top 30. Honestly I don't think this movie even has a plot, disaster happens and that forces all these characters to do skits, it is effectively pop culture brained person's version of Movie 43, except instead of celebrities it's people doing shitty impressions of movies that came out that year.

I am BEGGING for Seltzer and Frieberg to make one more movie, the worst of the worst. Put any and all modern day movie references you can think of. Make the SLOP to end all SLOP. So yeah, I consider these movies to be bit of a guilty pleasure while also thinking they are fucking stupid, and I genuinely don't think they should be on top of any worst movie lists when much worse comedies exist with less interesting premises.

5. The Last Airbender (2010) (177,60)

I should not be surprised this is here. A lot of people like Avatar The Last Airbender, so when this movie came out a lot of people were pissed. Not only did it whitewash most of the cast, it was a terrible retelling of the events of the series. This movie literally brought Nostalgia Critic out of retirement. A lot of people blame this movie on M. Night Shayamalan, but Shayamalan actually didn't have too much to do with this movie sucking and he hated the end result too. And don't get me wrong Shayamalan did make Lady in the Water which is his worst movie in my opinion, but speaking of, The Happening didn't make it to this list for some reason despite getting decent amount of entries.

I look at Last Airbender the same way I look at Dragonball Evolution, people hate it because it's a bad adaptation rather than because it's a bad movie. If you went into it not knowing what "Avatar" was (by the way it is fucking hilarious they took out the Avatar from the title just to not confuse it with James Cameron's Avatar), you'd think "ah that was a typical childrens weird stupid fantasy movie with way too much exposition and white people pretending to be asian-coded". But when you look at this as Avatar fan, you're gonna fucking hate every minute of it. Pretty much everyone compares this to that one episode of the show where Fire Nation puts on a play recapping events of the series and the main characters do wacky commentary on it.

And the worst thing about this is, they made yet ANOTHER Avatar live action spinoff which barely got any attention because people are so used to this shit by now.

Oh, and I have to mandatorily reference this scene.

4. The Room (2003) (184,86)

We have reached THE Worst Movie Of All Time, the one everyone references as such. However since its debut I don't think I need to say what a massive cult following this movie has created. If you're purely going on it from a filmmaker perspective, you can see it is a disaster made by a true Disaster Artist if you will. But Tommy Wiseau's out of touchiness with reality is almost endearing even when his character is kind of a prick and everyone in his life hates him or betrays him. You also have to see his ass during this movie so that's fun.

Everyone knows every line from this movie, if you can't name 5, you are a fucking liar. I guess its status as a cult movie is precisely the reason why it's only number 4. Can it really be bad when it has brought so much joy to people?

3. Jack and Jill (2011) (229,17)

I mean is there anything I need to say? It's considered the bottom of the barrel for Adam Sandler movies, other Sandler movies featured on this project were Little Nicky and The Waterboy but at least those movies have their fans. Jack and Jill is universally reviled, aside from the Dunkaccino scene which became a meme. The movie aged as well as Jared Fogle's cameo in the film. That being said, outside of Dunkaccino I don't really hear people talk about it. It's mostly put in all these lists probably because people hear it's bad or people just really fucking hate Adam Sandler. It seems that ever since Sandler started getting more positive attention and movies like Eight Crazy Nights went from "Freddy Got Fingered of Animation" to "Surprisingly funny Hanukkah classic", these movies have been mostly forgotten. It's not like Sandler's other movies where people making them are clearly having fun because like it or not Sandler's movies are notable for essentially being vacations for people who make them. This was apparently a role Sandler only took because he needed money.

I think there are definitely far worse premises for comedies, like Loqueesha and it's probably not even the worst "actor plays male and female in same movie", like remember Norbit? That did make into this project, but Loqueesha didn't.

2. Batman and Robin (1997) (243,91)

It's the movie, the Bat Credit Card and what have you. The movie they said killed comic book movies FOREVER, until 5 years later Spiderman came out and superhero movies have been coming out forever and ever since. This movie lets you know early on that it's gonna be a cheese fest with Bat Nipples and "this is why Superman works alone". I have seen this movie and it's...the right kind of goofy. Can you even consider this taking place in the same universe as Tim Burton's Batman movies? I actually really like the look of this movie. The weird strange colours it uses and the aesthetics are very memorable and Arnold is hilarious as Mr. Freeze. Like this is one of his funniest roles period. He was meming Snow Miser before anyone else.

That being said, the movie definitely suffers from a tone problem, there is a serious subplot about Alfred dying of cancer and for some reason they gave Arnie Freeze the same tragic backstory as Michael Ansara Mr. Freeze. Also, George Clooney just isn't very convincing as Batman. But hey, uh, Bat Girl is in this movie! So is Bane! ...remember????

It definitely depends on your taste, if you love the SUPER SERIOUS BATMAN WITH THE DEEP LUNG CANCER VOICE then you're gonna hate this movie, but if you like Adam West Batman then you'd definitely wibe with this. I have no idea why is it so high. I blame Nostalgia Critic.

So, here we are, we have only the worst movie left, and that is...

1. Manos the Hands of Fate (1966) (280,51)

Of course it's fucking Manos, what else would it be?

You know, I always disagree with Manos being referred to as the worst movie of all time. When you say something is the worst movie of all time, you always have someone who wants to see it to see just how bad it is. Much like many others I discovered this movie through MST3K. And yes the episode is a classic and pretty funny.

But idk, it feels kind of dirty to call this the worst movie ever made. We all know the story, the director Hal Warren, who plays Michael in the movie, bet an actual horror movie director that he could make a horror movie, so he made Manos, everyone hated it, the end. Yet Manos has a legacy, much like The Room. It is essentially an indie movie before indie movies really boomed. And when you are used to modern day horror movies with their same old soundtracks and same old jumpscares and same old guys in masks, Manos feels...off. Isn't that the point of a horror movie? Things feeling off?

I like the atmosphere of Manos immensely. It's this dark, unfiltered look into the raw 60's El Paso. God knows what was happening in the middle of nowhere America during that time, and I think in that case the movie really captures the fear. The scenes at night taking place at the dark void add to the dream like atmosphere, and speaking of atmosphere that soundtrack is genuinely amazing. The ending song of the movie is also beautiful.

I have to give praise to John Reynolds as Torgo and Tom Neyman as The Master respectively. They both end up being the most memorable parts in the movie because of their performances. Sadly Reynolds would pass away shortly after this movie but he left a hell of a legacy, and he will live forever thanks to this movie.

The movie is absolutely not without its flaws, the pacing is extremely slow and it even tried my patience, Debbie the little girl having a grown woman's voice makes her the worst part of the movie by default, there are plenty of pointless scenes like the couple making out in the car, the writing is awkward and repetitive and contradictory and while I like the dark ending I do NOT like Debbie being chosen as one of the wives as fucked up and sadly realistic to the real cults as it is.

I feel that Manos being labeled the worst movie of all time is both beneficial and hurtful to the movie. The movie has gotten several sequels, several video games, fanmade spinoffs, stage adaptations and it's been riffed and reviewed by just about everyone. So Manos's legacy will live on. However, it also paints this elitist idea that anyone who is not a film school student should not make a movie. At the end of the day, I want movies like this and The Room to be remembered and movies motivated by greed, apathy and attention like Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey and Baby Geniuses to be forgotten and banished into the annels of history. I am not saying every indie movie is good, like if you want a horrible indie movie, look at Derek Savage's entire career. Speaking of I am shocked none of his flicks made into this project.

But what's this? A challenger? Is there a movie I have completely neglected? And it deserves to be number 0 because it's actually a legitimate contender for worst movie of all time and not because I am bad at math??? Well, here you go.

0. Battlefield Earth (2001) (388,61)

Battlefield Earth is based on a book by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of scientology. The whole movie has an extremely stupid premise. Gold is somehow the rarest material in the universe and these stupid looking aliens called the Psychlos have successfully invaded Earth and stolen all the gold and enslaved humanity. The whole movie is shot on dutch angles which gives anyone looking at this movie motion sickness. Did I forgot to mention it's 2 hours long???

Yeah where do I begin with this movie? The Psychlos are probably the stupidest race of aliens in all of fiction. The main humans are not likeable enough for this movie either. John Travolta puts on a ridiculous performance that is way too cringy to be entertaining and in fact almost everyone is being theaterical. You could write an entire book about everything wrong with this movie. The fact Psychlos are destroyed by a WW2 biplane is just the beginning of those issues.

There's also the fact this movie bankrupted Franchise Pictures, and John Travolta's career took a long while to recover. And oh yeah, the whole movie is funded by SCIENTOLOGISTS. At least Manos tells you cults are bad, this movie is inherently pro-cult!!!

I was able to find something positive to say about almost every entry on this list, but Battlefield Earth doesn't even make for a fun bad movie because of its association with Scientology and the plot that breaks your brain in half and the 2 hour run time and the nauseating dutch angles. So does that make Battlefield Earth the worst movie of all time? If you ask me, yes, I think it does.

Either way, this was a fun little foray to get into. I might do another one of these some day.

[runawaymun]

I also have been frothing over the spa center comment.

…would love to hear your pj shade regarding Elrond and Rivendell pretty please though?

I'M GLAD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

okay so...regarding PJ shade............where the hell do I even begin.

I wanna preface this by saying that I do love the films. Like they're my childhood. They have a very special place in my heart and they remain my favorite films of all time. I also really love Hugo!Rond -- like I should think that's obvious considering my art and characterization are so largely based off of Hugo's portrayal, but that being said the films really did Elrond so dirty and I'll never forgive PJ for some of the choices he made and the things he chose to leave out -- not only because they hurt Elrond's characterization, but because they hurt all lot of other plotlines and characters as well.

So let's just start with the most egregious issue, which is by-and-large a directorial issue and not necessarily a script or acting issue: Elrond is kind as summer. And while we see that peeking through in certain moments (enough that those of us with daddy issues and/or a precursory knowledge of the character latched onto them...), this doesn't define Peter Jackson's Elrond. Peter Jackson's Elrond is cranky and tired and while that is a fundamentally interesting characterization, it isn't Tolkien's. Tolkien's Elrond isn't like this. He laughs with Bilbo! He tries to stop Pippin from going on the quest (but allows it in the end). He offers friendship to Thorin and hospitality to literally everyone. He carries his harp around with him and offers little tidbits about himself (I was the herald of Gil-Galad and marched with his host...). Elrond on the page just exudes warmth and generosity. Maybe he's tired & worn out and maybe he has lost a bit of hope by the time we get to the Third Age. Maybe. But that certainly isn't a defining trait. Tolkien's Elrond enthusiastically supported Aragorn (vs. Men? Men are weak. Etc. Etc. Etc.) -- there are just so many weird choices that were made in line delivery and energy that are directorial choices for the story which PJ wanted to tell. Hugo Weaving is completely capable of carrying the right energy when directed to! It's not a Hugo problem! We see him teasing Bilbo a bit in Unexpected Journey and being kinda snarky with Thorin and having some playful energy there. It's that Peter Jackson decided that wasn't how he wanted to portray Elrond. And so we end up with this weird stiff character that doesn't look anything like Tolkien's Elrond unless you squint and do a lot of mental gymnastics (which I constantly do).

And the thing is, I would like to give the portrayal the benefit of the doubt and say 'well it really isn't THAT bad', because I look at it through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia and my own love for my blorbo. But people who are casual watchers of the films, or people who are getting introduced to story for the first time (I've had the joy of getting to introduce a lot of people to the films, and have seen a lot of first reactions on Youtube) -- the knee jerk reaction to Peter Jackson's Elrond is what's his problem? if you don't have the context. And that makes me really sad.

And I really do have to put it down to Peter Jackson wanted to tell a certain story. Because it isn't hard to fix this. Most of the lines are fine. You just have to tell Hugo to exude a different kind of energy in them. That scene in the extended edition with Elrond and Aragorn at Gilraen's memorial is awesome, but you never get the sense that Elrond raised Aragorn. There's no warmth to that scene. And that comes down to direction. Viggo and Hugo are amazing actors. If you told them "hey, you guys have a father-son relationship and you're reminiscing over someone that you both cared about" then they could have played it that way and it would have been so good. But you never get that sense.

That comes down to the weird completely contrived conflict Peter Jackson wanted of "Elrond as the antagonist to Beren & Luthien II electric boogaloo" -- which is...such a strange decision. Why make him Thingol 2.0? It's literally just an extra contrived plot point for added conflict and it isn't like we needed it. The films are three hours long each. Aragorn and Arwen didn't need an antagonist to their love story. It's lazy characterization and lazy storytelling and lazy direction. Again, Hugo Weaving is an excellent actor. Masterclass, in fact. And I understand the thought process of "he's afraid to lose his daughter" and I think that's really tasty characterization! I love playing with that characterization! But there is a way to direct and write that without making him an antagonist. You don't even need lines to show that. Maybe just one. Maybe two. But to be honest all you need is a LOT of strong acting on Hugo's part to show the internal conflict as Elrond is outwardly supporting the two of them because he wants them to be happy!

And then there's the uh...nerfing of Elrond.

To be fair, Elrond really is background on purpose in LOTR. He chooses to be a guide. He chooses to be the Dad Everyone Goes To rather than The Big Damn Hero, and that's awesome. That's why I love him! But again there are just the teeniest tiniest changes that could have been made to fix the fact that he's heavily nerfed. SWEET, so "thanks to the skills of Lord Elrond you are beginning to mend!" -- hey can we just, add a bit more weight to the fact that Elrond needed to use Vilya to do that and it pretty much sapped all of his strength? Can we add a bit more weight to how LONG that surgery took and the fact that NO ONE ELSE could have saved Frodo from a Morgul Blade. How about instead of "he needs Elvish medicine", say "we have to get him to Elrond" -- like, I know Arwen says this, but it just takes a few edits to make it abudantly clear that this has less to do with Elves in general and more to do with rings of power.

And then we get to the fjord with the Ringwraiths. I'm not one of those people who is mad that they gave the chase to Arwen rather than Glorfindel. I understand why that decision was made. Do I miss Glorfindel? Hell yeah! But I understand why that decision was made. I just wish that Peter Jackson hadn't also given Arwen the "call the river in fury" superpower. Why not have Elrond be the one to do that? Girlpower, sure. But Arwen's cool enough for having the chase scene against all nine nazgul. Let Elrond have his moment. It takes like one 50% opacity overlay edit to show us he's the one doing it. And this isn't even an Elrond issue so much as a nerfing the worldbuilding issue. We hear about the Three Rings in the prologue and then Peter Jackson promptly never mentions them again save for one deleted scene with Galadriel and Nenya. Until I read the books as an adult I had no idea Elrond and Gandalf had the other two. That's...a pretty egregious thing to leave out.

Peter saves himself somewhat with the faux Silm plot in The Hobbit films. TBH I forgive absolutely everything else about the Hobbit Films for the purpose of that tiny moment where Elrond teases Bilbo and invites him to stay (except it's only in the extended so....again, we see where PJ's priorities lie), and Elrond in that armor saying "you should have stayed dead" like adlkgh--- thank you my crops are watered and my skin is clear.

But it should not have taken Peter six movies to fix how badly he nerfed Elrond, and he didn't even really fix him.

All that to say: so many of my favorite Elrond scenes from the films (the Gilraen memorial, Elrond teasing Bilbo, etc), are scenes from extended cuts, meaning when editing Peter Jackson decided these scenes weren't essential to the story he was trying to tell. And sure, this sure as hell isn't "The Elrond Trilogy" -- but it doesn't have to be. Elrond has so little screentime in the books and Jirt still takes those few moments of screentime to tell us Elrond laughed. Elrond was kind as Summer. Elrond's house was safe and cozy and Evil Things Did Not Enter That Valley. Elrond raised Aragorn as his own son and loved him dearly. Elrond was Kind as Summer. Elrond was kind. Elrond was kind. Elrond was kind.

And that isn't how Peter Jackson chose to portray him. I can't fault the man for not having Elrond as a blorbo. We all have different blorbos and that's okay. The trouble is that Elrond is Jirt's blorbo. And Elrond, at his core -- just like Bilbo and Sam and Frodo -- carries the essential message of Tolkien. It isn't great flashy Acts of Heroism that save the world, but rather quiet courage, and kindness, and gardens and laughter and good food and cheer. Places of safety. Gentle guidance. Healing. Healing. Healing.

So that's why I just will never forgive what Peter Jackson did to Elrond. Elrond is good. He is kind. He is extremely powerful -- but he chooses to use that power to heal and guide. And the reason it makes me so mad is not because he's my blorbo (okay maybe it is a little bit), but because breaking Elrond's character in the films was completely unnecessary and completely avoidable. It's just that Peter Jackson chose to do things his way and tell the story he wanted to tell, rather than taking the time to make some small and easy directorial choices to make sure he got it right. And the end result is there is a depressingly large number of people who live their lives thinking that Elrond's that cranky "MeN aRe WeAk" killjoy dad who hates happiness and runs a glorified hotel, and it just kills me.

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

Omg I’m so happy you replied!! I definitely have more questions.

1. What Cillian character do you like writing about the most and why?

2. What story from your master list are you most proud of?

3. Do you personally have any fic recommendations/ must reads? Other sites included.

4. What gets you inspired to write? Following that question have you ever abandoned a fic?

5. What do you think made you a better writer? If you have any doubts about your work, how do you get past it enough to continue?

6. Is there a Cillian character that you just don’t like, or aren’t interested in watching/ writing about? (Sorry if that’s a loaded question)

omg thank u so much for this!!! i srsly love interacting w u guys, tysm for the thought provoking questions😄🙌

i think i like writing most about robert fischer:) ik it probably doesnt translate considering ive written most for jonathan crane but robert fischer is just such a little sweetheart to me,,, and can go both ways in being a sassy dom douchebag or being a sobbing daddy issues sub darling LOLLL i just think he has a lot of duality to delve into and develop (which ive definitely not done so far☠️) and it helps that his characterization in inception was also very surface level— i have a lot of wiggle room y’know??

i think im most proud of “dine & dash” which im aware probably no-one has read, but getting chris o’doyle’s sassy little dialogue down was like taming a wild beast,,, otherwise, considering my more well-known work, i rly liked writing “honey, i’m home”. i go crazy for the unhinged readers (if u couldnt alrdy tell lmaooo) and seeing jackson get messed with like that was a real treat.

i seriously just recommend anything by @mypoisonedvine,,, they’re literally genius & are the reason i started writing for cillian:)!! other mentions include kitten fics by @pictureinme and, a personal fave, @floralcyanidee’s jackson rippner mile-high club fic!!! these writers are all incredibly talented and im just blown away at their work every single time🫶

my thirst is such a big motivator for writing LMAO😭i wrote “guinea pig” ‘cus i wanted to absolute wreckkk jonathan crane and have him be a sub, and i got a 6.8k words long fic out of said thirst! music & book quotes motivate me a lot too— i spend sm time digging thru my pinterest for a good quote for the beginning of my fic its actually insane☠️and yes,,, im ashamed to say ive abandoned fics numerous times,,, but thats because they were series’, not oneshots. i get bored of series’ pretty quickly, ‘cause i feel kind of trapped by the initial dynamic or mood set in the first chapter. with oneshots, its like writing one long chapter of this trope and this kink or whatever and then its done, and i dont have to exhaust myself going back to tropes or kinks or storylines ive already done.

i think reading made me a better writer. expanding my vocabulary through the words of others was a biggie; seeing something be described in a certain way in someones story had me thinking of out-of-the-box ways to describe another thing (that doesn’t make much sense but lets pretend it does😭). i have many, many doubts about my work, like constantly, but i usually just suck it up. i sound like an attention whore but seeing the reposts & comments & tags on my other work reminds me people like what i’ve written before and certain people will enjoy what ive written now, so i should just finish my work for them. i also take like 100 years rereading my stuff until i think its good enough lmao,,,

ive kinda watched his whole roster of films (atleast ones i could actually find on the internet and not gone missing as a lost piece of media lmao) and i could probably write for any cillian character given i had a good idea and proper motivation. writing for certain characters is definitely harder for me to do though, so its likely i wont write for them/will take a long time to do so. an example is lenny miller— anna was such an insufferable movie to me, and lenny’s screentime wasn’t long at all, atleast not long enough for me to properly grasp his character. he just felt like a horny hardass fbi goof the whole time i could not take his 5’7 ass seriously😭cillian is smexy as hell in anna tho, so we’ll see😈another would probably be robert capa from sunshine,,, hes beautiful and deliciously musty in that but the whole spaceship setting kinda freaks me out (considering i know 0 zilch nada about space, spaceships, or anything of the sort, so it’d definitely be inaccurate). an au with him id definitely do, though! (with that hair of his my mind is already forming a 90s band au, guitarist!capa x singer!reader story…)

again thank u so much for these questions!! i feel like i rarely get to chat to u guys so this was well appreciated😄🫶thank you so much for reading, for sending these questions in, and for being an overall sweetheart, anon!

[somethingshifted]

as i wrote, this became longer and longer, so i'm sticking it under a readmore to save your dash, i'm just waffling about the plot

as someone who feels like the band taking their own plot too seriously with plastic beach pushed the writing into a box ever since then, i still find myself wanting to connect each phase to each other. like surely there was an underlying point to be made between murdoc painting the plastic beach pink and the last cult's main color being pink. why is russel struggling again after they've set up shop in LA, his birth country but the other corner, in what i consider tumultuous times that in the end has Del return (even if unacknowledged). but then i kind of shrug my shoulders as canon is still a hodgepodge of 100 things marching in a circle. it's still easily entertainable in my head and i can't help but pick out tidbits i thought have meaning, and re-arrange them in my head like a dollhouse. i may actually dislike it if they did try to connect the two album phases officially and go down a serious route again but PB existing just makes those connections in my head. a fan interpretation is always fine but i think it's best left to the fans. that sounds haughty to say but, for the band to stay a band, i prefer it that way.

so whats the point of this post. the thing is, i'd genuinely be satisfied if gorillaz continued not taking their own plot so seriously, with the disclaimer that i do wish they'd be steadfast with characterization. like it'd be nice if any of them actually held commentary on cults practices considering theyre usually open about their view on world events, but i think enough griping about CI promo material is out there i have nothing new to say other than falling back to CI being a spur of the moment album with a release schedule out of the creators control plus the shitty fact that russel & noodle have been kind of nothing for almost 10 yrs OOPS. they could explore more avenues if they were freed from having to address past events as if they're characters in a storybook and not symbols that change with the times. and maybe if they remembered they can give characters new traits as russel's done things like pick up taxidermy and cooking but only one is referenced for several albums as his sole trait and *zips my lips*

i really feel like a bitch for wanting to harp on the lost chord as it's a beautiful, beautiful song outside of the characters, and additionally i'm a sucker for moments murdoc is faced with how he used to act, but i don't think i'd ever take it as part of a linear plot? which is why i can't fully feel like he's gone back on his word being a cunt to 2D again and falling back into the grandeur lifestyle and all that with the cult stuff.. like, let me wear my pretentious hat for a second but the lockdowns leading people to reminisce about so many things so openly and retreading memories in lieu of making new ones due to being cooped up, resonates more with my feels on the last chord, rather than uh blowing the island up and such and using portals. see, Song Machine can be written around easier bc you can say they're filming the MVs and they're metaphors, even the art reflects this (i didnt listen to the podcasts yet). but then it references the events of PB so openly that you can't just go "well thats the fake MV they shot" and that, incongruence, is hard for me. so was it refreshing to have CI not walk in circles of Murdoc is trying to say sorry guys? yes? i don't know what redemption would do for his character, as the topic of abuse and trauma (when explored with tact) is pretty important to me story wise honestly, but it's kind of... getting repetitive at some points. or maybe too much focus on murdoc 'redeeming' himself at the cost of 2D having traits stripped away and noodle & russ being silent. i don't want the events of plastic beach to be erased from both his and the band's history. having him be the villain of the plot du album is also meh, which is why i can appreciate the less serious canon on him where recent writing is concerned. 2018 is like yesterday to me and they (writers) were still poking fun at murdoc being not only assaulted in prison but also being in the psychiatric ward of prison. like what was that all about, i really really prefer peepaw livestreaming for attention to them taking harrowing events and making them the butt of a joke. i feel like it was handled better in pirate radio even if that itself wasn't meant to be all doom and gloom. it just made more sense. and theresssss my problemmmmm

all that being said i will always adore plastic beach. some of the plot heavy things contain my favorite moments and i'm easily baited with nostalgia so this isn't a bashing post at all... just looking back and wondering if the written material is best when they're dropping tidbits and leave it for fans to imagine up scenarios, rather than adhere to a canon timeline all the time. it's so hard to sum up my feelings on this and stay in perspective of the band because my genuine feeling is that i actually love a lot of the murdoc storylines and i can't reconcile that with feeling put off that it requires believing some MVs and story beats are "real". because i'm shaking the gorillaz dollhouse regardless. and writing angst in my head revolving around how recovery isn't a straight line. and how tbh russel's journey is a direct foil to murdoc's. because all the ingredients are there

like read that and call me a hypocrite, i am! i just have a lot of thoughts. i think if i knew how to write fanfic i'd just shut up and do that but my dialogue writing skills make me uncomfortable due to not being BRITISH.

TL;DR, i'd be satisfied if plot being canonically recognized wasn't a drawback on the band because they honestly suffer when they do fall back on addressing the timeline and treating the characters as Vessels who Had Someting Happen To Them rather than whatever symbol for the current topic of the album. i do think the current writing gets repetitive and sanded down. at the same time i will always encourage fan interpretations regardless because i find those very fun. in being non linear it opens their world up to diff. perspectives. and i #support peepaw listening to weyes blood

[acircusfullofdemons]

For the ask meme: questions 1-10 for the last 3 paras you’ve daydreamed about PLUS whatever questions Emory can/wants to answer 😈 (<- evilly gets you to talk about your paras) (if it’s not too much of an undertaking). -👁️‍🗨️

[ ASK GAME] || Last 3 paras I daydreamed about were Ozzie, Neil, and a few canon characters from their source that don't have para/maac equivalents yet (save for maaybbee Lucky Moth & Arachne). SO I'm gonna force Emory to answer these as well! (/j he's being nice today lol)

1.) What’s your name? Pronouns?

Emory: My name is Emory. I don't really care about pronouns, but [Luka] uses he/him for me.

Ozzie: Dr. Oswald Octavius, but most people call me "Ozzie", and I encourage you to do the same! My pronouns are he/him.

Neil: Oh I have a name. A human name. A totally normal, believable human name. That I will share now! ....N...Neil...? Yes, that's it. My totally normal and legal human name, that is definitely in any name-finding systems you may or may not have. My pronouns are....uh. None of your business (he doesn't know what they are, I use he/him but tbh I doubt he'd care what you'd use).

2.) What’s your gender and sexuality?

Emory: Being an...interdimensional being, I don't exactly have either of those. The sexuality that describes me best is asexual I believe. I feel no attraction to anything. Gender? I am a cat. Cats don't have gender.

Ozzie: I'm a cis, bisexual male.

Neil: People have tried explaining "gender" to me and I still don't get it. I have sex with Ozzie. Is that anything?

3.) How would you describe your aesthetic?

Emory. Libraries. Old books. Cats, naturally.

Ozzie: Oh let's see...lab coats, octopuses, robots, turtlenecks, am I doing this right?

Neil: Teeth. Claws. Sports? Is it supposed to be things we like? Then Ozzie. Fighting. Food, but specifically ice cream and doughnuts.

4.) What are your hobbies?

Emory: Reading, traversing the different paracosms/dimensions, watching [Luka]'s life play out.

Ozzie: Well, I mostly try to take care of my actuators, they're quite a handful! But I also like to read, I've taken up knitting recently! I will admit, most of my time nowadays is spent teaching Neil how society works.

Neil: Eating, sleeping, fighting. I used to fight Lucky Moth as a hobby, but that was less of a "hobby" and more of a "job". But now I help him fight crime! That's definitely a hobby, I don't do it all the time. I dunno. I'm pretty active in general, so I've tried just about every outdoor activity there is.

5.) How old are you? (Can be as vague or specific as you feel comfortable!) Does your age change at all? If so, which age are you most frequently? Do you “act your age”?

Emory: Hm. Old. I consider myself ageless. There is a version of me in Phantasmagoria that was portrayed as 19, though that happened long ago and

(Ozzie doesn't have a determined age yet, somewhere around 45-51?? His FC is 70 which. damn Alfred Molina is still hot af.)

Neil: I. I don't know...Somewhere around Ozzie's age, I guess? An adult?? I'm told I'm like a toddler sometimes.

6.) What’s the name of your paracosm/source (if applicable)? How would you describe your paracosm/source? (Can be a physical description or like a summary of the plot!)

Ozzie & Neil are the Spiderman villains Doc Ock & Green Goblin respectively. They're my own personal take on the characters, namely wanting to see different variants of them like we saw different spiderpeople in Spiderverse. A lot of their characterizations take inspo from the live action Spiderman films — the ones that star Tobey Maguire & Andrew Garfield. Their subcosm/volume name in MaaC is "A Plague of Octopuses", because Neil's alias is Plague & Ozzie is, well, octopus themed.

Emory: My "source"? Let's see. I was always "part" of Phantasmagoria, though it isn't exactly my "home". I consider that the now defunct paracosm "At the Graveyard", [Luka]'s old Creepypasta paracosm. That is where my backstory technically originates from. Phantasmagoria is like living in a video game. At the Graveyard was mainly about Slenderman hiring a Seer/Medium/one who could see ghosts to deal with the ghost problem. I never had a problem with the various ghosts there, but that might be because I'm a cat and ask for things nicely.

7.) Do/Did you consider yourself a veritbond?

Emory: yes.

(the other two are regular paras so. they cannot answer this question. personally, I don't consider them as such.)

8.) Are/Were you a primpara (“original character”), a fictpara (para from a show/movie/game/book/comic/etc), a fictpara (someone the host/daydreamer knew or knew of IRL/thisverse), or somewhere in between?

Ozzie & Neil are fictparas! Technically. I've definitely put way to many headcanons & aus into them at this point (even tho it's been...like 5 days lmao someone help them). So like most of my "fictparas", they're actually a horrible mix of prim/fictpara lol.

Emory is a primpara, but based/inspired by a number of fictional talking cats (Cheshire, Binx from Hocus Pocus, The Cat from Coraline, Salem the Cat), however his main inspo was all the different Stan Lee cameos the MCU had. I wanted something like that for Phantasmagoria, a character that was somehow always there, yknow? Anyway. I have a draft of Emory’s opinions on those kitties that I keep forgetting to post.

9.) Are/Were you a parame (“main character”)? If not, do you know the parame?

Emory: I keep watch over everything happening, so I find myself in close proximity to the ever-changing parames. Neil seems to be the current parame that's getting focus, though unfortunately I haven't gotten a chance to met him in-paracosm yet.

(yeah he doesn't really interact with MaaC as a whole idk why :/)

10.) Are/Were you a paraself (“self insert”)? If not, do you know the paraself?

Emory: Do I know the — I wish I could say I didn't. Vincent has caused a great deal of trouble — especially as Entropy. Though I'll admit, Calypso is more tolerable, if I had to choose out of the two.

12.) What is your level of awareness when it comes to daydreams? Are you aware of other paracosms? Can you access them or are they unreachable to you?

Emory: The Daydreams are like a play for me, almost. I have my "role" that I fufil to the best of my ability. I can access everything there is, whenever I wish to. Very useful for when I don't want to be part of a current situation.

13.) Do you have any control over a paracosms, paras, or daydreaming? Do you have any control over yourself in daydreams?

Emory: I can block off paracosms if I wish. I don't do it very often because [Luka] is a toddler that needs to be entertained 24/7.

(RUDE >:()

18.) Do you interact with the MaDD or ID community at all? Why or why not?

Emory: I've managed to convince [Luka] to set up a blog for me on here. They've gotten as far as typing a pinned post and saving a few drafts. Both of us go back and forth on doing so. For me, it doesn't really matter. I just want something to resemble my library, and if I can get it through a measly little blog, then fine. I can't control [Luka]'s body, just ask them nicely to type things for me (as they are so generously doing now), so there isn't much that can be done if they don't want to do something.

44.) If you feel comfortable, show us what you look like! (picrew, ArtBreeder, art, etc)

[Luka] has shared drawings of my where I'm a black cat with magenta eyes. This is an accurate depiction of me. I also have a "human" form that I use less often, but will if necessary. I believe everyone is familiar with my cat form [source] [source], so here is what I look like as a human (art by [Luka]):

and edits [Luka] has done of me:

[nicklloydnow]

“Every so often a film comes along with the capacity to break a friendship in half. Those of us who saw Prometheus in 2012 may understand what I mean. The exploding head, the inexplicable pale giant, the unresolved mysteries of humanity’s origins—it all left me enraged. Where is the Xenomorph?! Listening to a friend outside the theater insist that Prometheus is an excellent film, that it’s an intelligent film, one that I might just not necessarily understand, well, it drove me up a wall. And it made me want to blast my phone, and our friendship, into the vacuum of space. I thought he was full of shit.

(…)

For over a decade now, people have complained that Prometheus doesn’t make sense, that Scott never tells us why our creators despise us, and that, because this goes apparently unresolved, the movie just doesn’t have a cohesive message. They say it can’t live up to such bulletproof classics as the first three Alien films, since those combine satisfying horror action with very simple motivations–in those films, the Aliens are among us, and we have to kill them before they kill us. That’s it.

Although it’s a pretty lousy way to enjoy the vast and colorful world of film—always requiring directors to answer all the questions they ask—if you are looking for conclusions, they’re all there in Prometheus. You might just not have given the film enough of a chance to notice them. The humans in Prometheus, except for perhaps Dr. Shaw, are prideful creatures of ignorance, vanity, and, of course, bottomless greed. One of the central criticisms of Prometheus is that the scientists aboard the Prometheus are too dumb to be believable, that they operate with such arrogance that it’s almost impossible to sympathize with them. But have you ever considered that Scott might have characterized them that way for a reason?

(…)

You don’t need to look far beyond the borders of Prometheus to see why, after more than 30 years since Scott made the relatively optimistic Alien (hey, at least Ripley survives with the cat), the director may have become a bit more nihilistic about humans. The way in which we’ve torn this planet to shreds, how we’ve turned the natural world into our own personal toilet, how tax-skipping billionaires rocket off into space instead of trying to solve real, dire issues such as poverty or world hunger. The misery, the violence, the subjugation constantly frothing around the corners of our every waking day–hey, maybe he’s trying to tell us something here?

(…)

Since Scott will likely never get a chance to tie off the prequel trilogy he all-but-promised us, this film, with all its philosophy and promises of grandeur, will never feel fully satisfying. It'll always appear a bit smaller than it needs to be. But remember, as David says, "Big things have small beginnings."”

“10 years ago, Prometheus hit theaters and people freaked out. If you’re looking for a movie scarier than Alien, Prometheus fails. It’s got some terrifying moments, but none that top the messy originality of its source material. If you’re looking for a movie with a more cohesive aesthetic, Prometheus again fails to top Alien. It merely borrows from its predecessor’s basic design, resulting in technology that looks way slicker even though the movie is a prequel.

But Alien is a horror movie that happens to be set in space. You could move the action to a drilling station or a submarine. You could even swap the chest-bursting xenomorph for a demon or a genetic experiment gone haywire. It wouldn’t be the same movie, but it would have the same spirit.

Even King Kong has ties to Alien insofar as the idea of capturing and then using a beast is a trope that exists across different genres. The basic story of Alien — while an aesthetic triumph of minimalism — is not reliant on science fiction to actually work.

Once you hold this very specific criterion in your brain, it’s easy to see why Prometheus is a more interesting science fiction story than its more famous horror progenitor. The premise of the film concerns the notion of panspermia, the theory that human beings were seeded on Earth by aliens. And, although Prometheus presents this theory to be essentially true, the unfolding implications impact all the characters in profound ways.

(…)

In Alien, none of these questions exist. It’s only about survival. In Prometheus, the art of speculative fiction, the idea that the audience and the characters are actually contemplating big ideas through a sci-fi lens, doesn’t just drive the story, it is the story. You can’t take the science fiction out of Prometheus and make it work. That may not excuse its flaws, but for people who truly love the genre, it should encourage you to cut the movie a break.

Ridley Scott made an Alien prequel that no one wanted about huge philosophical subjects that are hard to discuss. He crammed all of that into an action-horror that used a similar plot structure to a more famous film he already directed. For most moviegoers, this audacious experiment failed. In fact, the more by-the-numbers approach in the troubled sequel, Alien: Covenant, proves how much Scott retreated from some of his bigger ideas in Prometheus.

But none of that changes this film’s thoughtfulness. In a sea of sci-fi movies trying to play the hits, Ridley Scott’s Prometheus tried to get weird. And for that, it remains one of the better sci-fi movies of the 21st century.”

“Alien is an excellent haunted house horror movie. Seriously, it’s great. Aliens is a constantly entertaining war movie. But Prometheus manages to combine spooks (that creepy first act), action (that flame-filled second act) while adding the element that makes it transcend for me – philosophy. Yep, Ridley Scott was brave enough to shove a philosophical exploration of the very nature of human existence into his summer blockbusting Alien movie sequel/prequel/reimaginequal. And for that he should be applauded.

When some people look to the sky, they see God. Others just see stars. That dichotomy is at the root of Prometheus ’ big question: If there’s no God, where did we come from? And it goes further: can God exist in a scientific world? Prometheus is Scott’s attempt to splice the wide-minded wonder of Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey with the DNA of the summer-movie template.

I’ll concede that it’s an experiment that didn’t work for everyone, but just because you didn’t get it doesn’t mean it’s not a good film. There’s so much to love in Prometheus , whether it’s the subtle theme of creators rejecting their creations, the jaw-slackingly beautiful visuals (as pretty as anything in Scott’s back catalogue), or the mindbending implications of that key conceit.”

[erikaogrady]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movies Ranked:

10)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

I didn’t watch this in theaters despite it coming out at the peak of my Turtles obsession. I only recently watched it in anticipation of Mutant Mayhem, and while there are a few good things in it, overall I wasn’t really missing much.

It’s been talked about to death but these designs really don’t work. Realistically the Ninja Turtles would probably look kind of gross IRL, but on film it really doesn’t work if we’re supposed to like them. Michelangelo especially is really hard to look at (his face is way too human with his weird turtle lips).

The Shredder is really over designed and under characterized. It’s really clear that Eric Sachs was intended to be the Shredder, and with reshoots making them separate characters the Shredder becomes really generic (not that I would have liked them whitewashing the Shredder).

I actually really like this version of April, she’s incredible unhinged. Megan Fox is definitely putting in bare minimum effort (which I can’t blame her for) and there is a lot of gross over sexualization of her (I did not need to hear Mikey talk about how she’s giving him a turtle erection). But overall she was one of my favorite parts.

There are also a few cute moments of the Turtles being brothers, like the elevator scene. The rivalry stuff between Leo and Raph being so central to the movie is kind of disappointing because thats so overplayed in Turtles media and its not particularly well done here.

9)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

Out of the Shadows is definitely an improvement on the first film, but I wouldn’t call it a good movie. It’s really stupid, but also very fun.

Bebop and Rocksteady are a pleasure to watch, and they’re actually really well designed. Most of the jokes with them land well, and the fight scenes with them are generally pretty good. It’s a shame that they’re positioned as Casey Jones’s rivals however, because this is by far the worst version of Casey there’s ever been. He’s really whiny and a cop for some reason. The whole movie actually has some weird copaganda going on.

The Shredder is definitely more of a character in this one, but he still isn’t that interesting. Krang is well designed and cool to see in live action, but there’s nothing all that interesting done with him either.

I actually really enjoy the main emotional through line of the movie with the Turtles considering whether or not to become human so they can be accepted. There are definitely parts that don’t work (Raph destroying the mutagen isn’t probably built to, the Turtles deciding not to take the credit for saving the day at the end doesn’t make a ton of sense), but the emotional stuff is pretty good. Mikey’s reaction to the police considering them monsters is an excellent scene.

8)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

This is another one I hadn’t seen until very recently because I had always heard bad things, and honestly I think it’s sort of underrated.

I really like Mitsu and Yoshi, and their bonds with Mikey and Raph feel really real. Mikey wanting to stay behind at the end feels earned.

The costumes really let this movie. After the amazing Henson Turtle suits in the first two movies these really look cheap and break the suspension of disbelief. The humor also relies a lot on slapstick that doesn’t really land.

I imagine that if I had seen this movie as a kid (like I did the previous two live action movies) I would have ranked this a lot higher, but as is while I didn’t hate it like most people seem to it also didn’t stand out much and wasn’t all that memorable.

7)

Turtles Forever

Turtles Forever is a ton of fun. It’s actually the first TMNT thing that I ever watched. It doesn’t quite live up to the highs of the 2003 series, but it’s also definitely better than most of the final two seasons.

There’s a lot of really fun references in the movie, and seeing the drastically different animation styles side by side is a lot of fun. Adding in the mirage turtles at the end is an excellent addition, and I like that it pokes fun at all three different versions of the characters.

Where things fall apart a bit is the lack of any returning voice actors from the classic series. I know this is because the 2003 series in non-union while the original voice actors are all union so it was a legal thing, but it does make the 80s Turtles feel a lot less authentic. The replacement voices are pretty good matches though (other than Leo’s). The writing for the classic Turtles is definitely kinda off. I’ve only seen the first two seasons of the 80s cartoon but I know that the Turtles were never quite as goofy as this movie characterizes them. The 2003 Turtles are also at time a bit overly cruel to the 80s Turtles.

Overall while Turtles Forever is really fun it doesn’t have much substance beyond being a fun celebration of Turtles History. I don’t think that’s a knock against the movie, but it does keep me from ranking it any higher.

6)

Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Batman vs. TMNT is pretty similar to Turtles Forever in that it’s a ton of fun and full of references, but isn’t especially deep.

I absolutely love the character designs for both the Bat Family and the Turtles (these are actually probably my favorite designs for the Turtles besides Sophie Campbell’s IDW versions).

I kind of expected that I’d rank this one a lot higher, but while I have a ton of fun watching it I don’t really have much to say about it, and it doesn’t have the emotional depth that the movies higher up on the list have.

5)

TMNT

TMNT is a bit of a mixed bag. It has some things that are absolutely excellent and others that are incredibly average.

This is another movie that has the Leo/Raph rivalry front and center, but this movie handles it so well. Their rooftop fight in the rain is both beautifully animated and emotionally fulfilling. This isn’t a case of Raph just angsting for angst sake or Leo just being a boring stick in the mud, they both have interesting character flaws that contrast each other in really compelling ways.

While Raph and Leo are handled really well, Mikey and Donnie don’t really have anything to do here. And while I understand the parallels the movie is trying to make between the Turtles and Max Winters and his brothers, it doesn’t quite work because Winters and the generals are incredibly generic.

4)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

Secret of the Ooze is a very silly movie. The changes they made from the first movie because of parent complaints are very clear, so this movie is definitely missing the gritty atmosphere that the original movie had.

I really like that this movie puts Donatello in the lead role. Pretty much every other movie (TMNT 3 being the only exception) focuses on Raph or Leo. The emotional core of the movie is really well executed. The scene of Donatello lamenting the fact that they were created by accident and Splinter reassuring him that their origins don’t change anything about who they are is really good.

A lot of the silly humor lands for me, which could be because I watched this so much as a kid, but that keeps me from being too bothered at the tonal shift between this movie and the original.

3)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

This movie is sort of the platonic ideal of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Honestly all of the top 3 are really close in quality and I could see myself swapping around the order depending on the day.

Considering the budget on this movie the Turtle costumes are incredible, and the fight scene choreography is so good considering how heavy and cumbersome those costumes must be.

While Raph and Leo definitely get most of the focus in this one Don and Mikey definitely get a lot of fun stuff to do. I love how much focus on family this movie has, and it does an amazing job of contrasting Shredder and the Foot with Splinter and his sons. This is one of my favorite versions of the Shredder and the Foot, both in terms of design and characterization.

April and Casey are both great here as well. They have good chemistry together and they both feel like real people.

I really like how small scale everything is, it allows the focus to be on character and is a nice change of pace compared to most superhero movies made today.

2)

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie

Rise is definitely my favorite TMNT series. It makes a lot of changes to the characters and lore, but to me the best part about this franchise is how much things are allowed to change and evolve.

I love this version of Leonardo (this is one of the only versions of TMNT where someone other than Mikey is my favorite Turtle) and his arc in this movie is excellent. He goes through so much trauma in this movie and it’s incredibly emotional, and he comes out the other side so much more mature. His relationship with Raphael is also super interesting and such a good subversion of their typical dynamic. Their fight toward the end of the movie is so good and emotional.

Mikey and Donnie also get a ton to do, and I love how much emphasis is put on Donatello’s soft shell and how it’s treated like a disability. This version of April is definitely my favorite and it’s great seeing her get to do some reporting and continue her trend of using construction equipment.

The Krang are absolutely terrifying in this movie and really feel like a threat. There’s a lot of genuine suspense where the Turtles feel like they’re in real danger.

Overall this is a great ending for my one of my favorite versions of the Turtles that allows them all to grow as characters and come together as a family.

1)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

I came out of Mutant Mayhem with the biggest smile on my face. It might be recency bias that I have it as number one, but I also have not been able to stop thinking about this movie since I saw it.

I really love these versions of the Turtles. It’s awesome seeing the Turtles actually be voiced by teenagers, and their dialogue always feels natural. They also really feel like brothers both in how they make fun of each other but also in how they show their love for each other.

I just said that Rise April is my favorite but this April is definitely a close second. I always like when April is portrayed as weird and kind of a freak and this version definitely feels like someone whose only friends are mutant turtles.

I like how much emphasis is put on the Turtles wanting to fit in. It feels like a much better version of what Out of the Shadows was trying to do. It also makes a ton of sense for these more authentically teenage versions of the Turtles. I like how Splinter and Superfly tie into that as well and how they act as foils to each other.

I really wasn’t expecting the Turtles to actually end up being accepted by humanity by the end and I actually really like how they did it. The way that regular people played a role in the final fight was super cool and gave me Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man vibes.

I’m really excited to see the series and sequel, seeing the Turtles go to highschool sounds really fun and seeing these versions of the characters who are so young and inexperienced at ninjitsu go up against the Shredder is gonna be really interesting.

[albertonykus]

Doraemon Movie Review: Nobita's Space Heroes (2015)

What is Doraemon? The title character of the Doraemon manga and anime is a blue robotic cat from the 22nd Century who keeps an array of high-tech gadgets in a portable pocket dimension on his belly, and has traveled from the future to improve the fortunes of a hapless schoolboy named Nobita. Although relatively obscure in the English-speaking world, Doraemon is a Mickey-Mouse-level cultural icon in East Asia (and some other regions, too). The Doraemon franchise was a big part of my childhood, and there are still elements of it that I enjoy now.

Doraemon has released theatrical films almost annually since 1980, most of which involve Nobita and his friends (kind Shizuka, brash Gian, and crafty Suneo) getting swept into adventures thanks to Doraemon's gadgets. Despite being of potentially broad appeal to fans of science fiction and animated films, there are very few English reviews of the Doraemon movies, so I'm embarking on a project to write about all the films that have come out so far. Good luck to me…

Movie premise: Nobita and his friends film a superhero movie, but are then mistaken for actual superheroes.

My spoiler-free take: An entertaining premise held back by a mediocre story and characterization.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT

Review: Right off the bat, the premise of this film is an appealing one. Considering that this group of kids and their robot caretaker have saved the world multiple times over, they’re practically an honorary superhero team already. Give them actual superpowers, and you have a recipe for a fun movie.

In practice, well... the best thing I can say about this film is that it’s a pretty good ensemble showcase for the protagonists. Every member of the main cast contributes substantially during the action scenes here (except for Nobita until near the end, but being something of a failure is one of his core character traits). Having the main characters sing the show’s theme song is also very cute (though I’m even more delighted that they would end up performing the iconic theme song of the classic anime series a few years later).

However, the overall story comes across as rather haphazard. Like several other Doraemon films that I don’t rate highly, parts of this movie’s plot rely on incredibly convenient coincidences. For example, Nobita happens to stumble into the heart of the villains’ lair (losing the superhero suit that grants him his powers along the way), where he passes out. When he wakes up, he happens to overhear a minion explaining the villains’ plan to a clueless colleague nearby. (Nobita sure was lucky that they didn’t choose to pass by when he was still unconscious!) Meanwhile, his super suit happens to get picked up by Doraemon and Shizuka, who were investigating a completely different location at the time.

Then there’s the fact that during the final battle, several main characters gain power-ups with little explanation, in some cases barely struggling to defeat enemies that had previously bested them easily. The most we get is an offhand line from Doraemon saying that the protagonists still hadn’t used the “full power” of their super suits by that point. You’re telling me that none of them, not even impulsive, belligerent Gian, had tried using their suits at full power, despite encountering potentially life-threatening situations? I find that difficult to believe.

In addition, the movie has trouble providing closure to major plot elements. Most notably, what became of the villains in the end is never addressed. They are defeated in battle, yes, but then what? Did they get imprisoned somewhere, or are they free to sneak off and continue their nefarious deeds elsewhere? Another example of a forgotten story thread concerns the argument that Doraemon and Gian have in the beginning over who should play the heroes’ leader in their movie. Suneo convinces Gian to stand down by telling him that they can simply request the burger-shaped robot directing their film to edit Gian in as the leader during post-production. One might expect this little scheme to come up again later, if only as an ending gag, but nope. In fact, the entire filmmaking subplot is essentially forgotten about once the actual superhero antics begin.

Speaking of the Burger Director robot, he forms a bond with Shizuka reminiscent of her relationship with the Underwater Buggy in Nobita and the Castle of the Undersea Devil. (In some ways an appropriate parallel, given that the Burger Director represents another instance where one of Doraemon’s gadgets is a full-fledged movie character.) However, whereas the Underwater Buggy warmed up to Shizuka specifically because she was nice to him, the Burger Director does so because... he favors girls, apparently. Okay then. This development certainly doesn’t result in any payoff comparable to the ending of the Underwater Buggy’s arc.

Another odd bit of characterization is that Shizuka acts offended when the others praise her super-suit-augmented strength. Other entries in the franchise have shown that Shizuka strives to maintain a “refined” image of herself, but if there’s anything that image consistently doesn’t include, it’s coming across as weak and delicate. This is the same girl who thought that beating up a gorilla with Super Gloves was thrilling, after all.

Star rating: ★★☆☆☆

[majingojira]

Thankfully, some brave soul made a video about getting into Buffy, why you should do it, and things to watch out for.

If you get into Buffy, the Spinoff Angel is also on the list (after Season 3, the spinoff occurs and both crossover several times).

Now onto warnings not mentioned in the videos:

Personally, I'd add Episode 3 "The Witch" and Episode 11 "Invisible Girl" to the list for certain plot points. Episode 8 "I, Robot... You, Jane" introduces an important recurring character and is a very bad episode. Episode 4 "Teacher's Pet" is sometimes considered "So Bad It's Good." With 22 episodes every season (save the first) there are going to be some duds. But also gems. We're talking some of the best hours of television ever produced. Okay, now to warnings. There are some episodes that involve or allude to SA (Season 6, Episode 19 "Seeing Red" has SA attempted -- and also has a classic "Burry Your Gays" moment that angered a lot of people... I'll just say Season 6 in general is pretty rough both in terms of that sort of thing and quality). This was filmed at a time before binging so feel free to take it on small basis to not get overstocked.

You know how people complain about "Quippy Dialogue" or "Marvel Dialogue?" Meet patient zero. Personally, I feel the complaint is baseless and comes more from people trying to ape the style without understanding the substance behind it. But if you liked the doctoring work he did on movies like Toy Story and Speed, or his film works like The Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers, then you'll like Buffy. Arguable, the MCU wouldn't exist without it (Buffy herself is modeled after the X-Men's Kitty Pryde). Exec. Producer Joss Whedon characterizes himself as an existentialist and an absurdist and both philosophies are core tenants to the themes of the show. To summarize, as the show does, "If nothing we do matters, all that matters is what we do."

Yeah, and also, the creator is a known creep. He, like Alfred Hitchcock, is a brilliant talent but a terrible person. This is relevant because one of the characters, Xander Harris, is somewhat an idealized version of himself/author insert. He is... a divisive character. Some people hate him, and for good reasons. Others loved him back in the day, but he is the most prominent element that has not aged gracefully. To put it bluntly, he's a "Nice Guy" in some senses. A proto-INCEL. He's tolerable as a teenager given how teenage boys can be, but as the character grow up, he does the least growing up in a character sense.

Both shows can get DARK (the SA being only one example), so it's going to deal with heavy topics. Buffy as a show itself is very, very white. People of color don't tend to do well in that show, though Angel helps a bit with the character of Gunn being just delightful, the balance of POC is not great. It was also one of the groundbreakers for LGBT representation, which in the 90s really wasn't much. IE: Bisexuality wasn't really accepted yet in any aspect. Not quite as good as Xena was, but that was syndicated rather than network, they could get away with more.

It is a Horror series, so bad things happen to the characters. A LOT.

Oh! And one last thing. The HD transfers for the series are TERRIBLE. If something doesn't look right, or you see some of the crew on the sides, or an effect doesn't line up -- that's why. I'm lucky enough to have the original release DVDs, but basically every streaming site uses the HD transfers and they SUUUCK.

It's thankful the show is more known for its performances and dialogue...

Also, I think more people should watch older genre TV. As is often said: "To appreciate good cinema, you need to appreciate good schlock." That applies doubly with genre fare. I'd say, if you are up for it, check out Kolchak: The Night Stalker. 2 TV Movies and one 22-episode season. If that's too much, just check out the first movie, and the episodes: "The Zombie", "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be", "Horror in the Heights", "The Spanish Moss Murders", and "The Energy Eater." The writer of "The Zombie" went on to create The Sopranos and it shows.

Hey Tumblr should I watch Buffy?

Honestly I've heard a lot of good things about it but I'm not entirely sure if I should take the dive because: 1) it's super long 2) It's pretty friggen old If it's really that good I want to give it a fair shot, but some heads ups would be nice. Also, if I shouldn't watch it, let me know why. I want to go in as informed and educated as I can be without knowing anything plot relevant other than this teenager is regularly killing monsters.

[re-reclass]

Now that I've got my FEELINGS out of the way, other assorted thoughts on Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Spoilers throughout, but the big spoilers under the break.

Though it's far more faithful to the source material, it's just as much of a kids movie as the first one. While Sonic 2020 had a standard road trip plot, Sonic 2022 made sure to work in a silly dance break and wedding hijinx that felt like it belonged in a far worse movie. Still, that's not a bad thing! Like the first movie, Sonic 2 does a pretty good job of appealing to longtime fans while also targeting a young demographic. It's fun, even if not ALL of the material did it for me. The important beats hit, and that's what mattered.

The human characters from the first movie were pretty well used, all things considered. It was a balancing act to involve them in the story but not overshadow the characters that the audience was actually there to see, and I think they did a good job. Though Tom almost certainly had less screen time in this one, he really made his moments count.

Though I found it very pointed that the movie never explicitly acknowledges that Tom is a cop. Like, he clearly still is, but they never say it. And frankly I don't blame them.

I love how the writers leaned into the Wachowski family dynamic established at the end of the first movie. It feels like far too often seemingly important characters like them just get written out for these sorts of sequels (presumably because the actors don't want to return, which this movie thankfully avoided).

Jim Carrey does a great job, as expected. I have to say I preferred his slightly less manic portrayal in the first film, and I was disappointed at how little he got to interact with other humans in this one, since he definitely thrives from having a physical scene partner. Still, I can't fault it too much, because this does fit with him having a complete mental breakdown at the end of the last movie. Robotnik was still great and I really hope Carrey comes back for the third movie before he retires.

While they definitely expanded Stone from his characterization in the first movie, I don't mind it. It's cool seeing him being a bit more overtly villainous.

Tails and Knuckles were very good. Colleen O'Shaughnessey got a couple scenes to really show off her acting chops in a way you don't normally get in the games, and I loved it. And I thought this version of Knuckles really managed to portray his naiveté better than Boom ever did.

The movies definitely have my favorite characterization for Sonic himself out of any media. I loved watching him go from being Tom's immature kid to Tails' big brother and mentor. That moment where Tails falls asleep while talking to Sonic mirrored the scene in the hotel room in the first movie and I loved seeing Sonic grow up a little.

But not TOO much, as Sonic also effortlessly slides into the annoying younger brother role for Knuckles

G.U.N.!

UM DID LONGCLAW KILL KNUCKLES' WHOLE TRIBE????

They clearly tried really hard to reconcile the first movie's strange origin for Sonic with the rest of the series' canon, and for the most part it worked.

For a movie with the word "hero" coming up so much, and to end with Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles teaming up, I'm a little sad they didn't work in a contrived Sonic Heroes reference. It would have been dumb, but no dumber than that dance battle earlier.

SONIC'S LOVE FOR TOM AND MADDIE BEING THE CATALYST TO TRANSFORM HIM INTO SUPER SONIC JUST MELTED MY HEART. AND HE CALLED TOM HIS DAD!!! Sometimes a family can be a small town cop, a veterinarian, a dog, a super fast alien that vaguely resembles a hedgehog, AND a genius two tailed fox AND an out of touch Proud Warrior Race Guy.

On that note, the Super Sonic transformation was well forshadowed. The constant mention of "the Master Emerald turns thoughts into power" as well as Robotnik pointedly claiming he'll harness negative emotion with it... Sonic using the Power of Love didn't feel contrived at all, which is a feat in itself.

Still waiting on some butt rock, though. Crush 40 in the third movie or we riot!

While I was really expecting (and hoping) for the third movie to take these building blocks and adapt the first Sonic Adventure, I still got unreasonably excited at the mention of "Fifty years ago" in the post credits, followed by the general's apprehensive "Project Shadow." It's awesome to see them leaning so heavily into the series' lore after the unambitious first movie, and if they can only bank on Jim Carrey coming back for one more movie (if even that), then telling the story of Gerald Robotnik is probably a good move.