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whateverisbeautiful · 25 days

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♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#38: The Scars (1.04)

gif cred: @nat111love

In their years apart, Richonne endured some scarring moments that left literal scars on their bodies. They sadly weren't able to be there to help patch each other up from those physical scars back then. But they are here together now to finally open up about the scars, and it leads to a very moving conversation🥺...

So after the Roomba interruption, Michonne lays back down and Rick returns to placing an arm over her as they talk about the things they noticed in the building. I always love a good Richonne chatting while cuddled up in bed moment.

gif cred: @nobleriver

Rick asks if Michonne noticed how thin the walkers were and Michonne notes how they may have starved. Rick talks about how the buildings’ former inhabitants kept this place going for a good while, and I always love seeing that Michonne is playing with his hair while he speaks. They really are back, y’all. 😋 ...Or at least almost back. And, again I love how comfy they both look in this scene.

gif cred: @clonecaptains

Michonne talks about how the people here were innovating and wanted to create another way and then she says, “But no crops?”

Rick says, “Well even if they did have them, crops fail.” See, he may not know Roombas and tech but the farmer's son is well-versed in crops. 😋 I love seeing him just comfortingly rubbing her while he talks. And just the way they’re communicating here it feels like they're a well-oiled machine...But then there’s a slight machine malfunction. 🙃

Because then Rick says, “One bad harvest - something has to burn to bring it back.” Michonne is curious about this and it seems she can tell there’s something more behind the comment so she asks, “What?” And then as I unfortunately suspected, Rick reveals he does in fact have a tad more audacity left in him when he says, “If I can change the CRM there’s a chance for future generations, a real chance.”

gif cred: @nat111love

Y’all…😪.

Every time I hear that I just sigh. Like this was truly me having a great time with this scene and then hearing the CRM get brought up again...

You know how there are safe words in the bedroom? There should also be banned words in the bedroom and 'CRM' is most definitely a banned word.

Now I fully empathize with the pain, fear, and PTSD that is motivating Rick to be saying this. But I still wasn’t here for it, especially after Michonne had just kindly opened up with him in every way and now he’s right back to hurting her with this back and forth. 😔

I was curious what would prompt Rick to bring this up here again after they were having such a nice moment together. Like I get the crops comment had him thinking about his dad's sacrifice and his own sacrifice, but I also think Rick brings it up here because of how great and blissful he and Michonne’s moments together just were.

It’s like this CRM comment is an act of self-sabotage because he ultimately still believes he can’t just go home with Michonne and the more time he spends with her in their lovely Richonne bubble the harder it’ll be to follow through with what he thinks has to be done. So it’s like this is his attempt to pop the bubble for his wife’s safety.

Plus, right now every good moment with Michonne seems to also serve as another reminder for Rick of how unbearable it'll ever be to lose her permanently. And so with this CRM comment, he attempts to "get ahead of" being back with her completely, knowing it'll kill him if he returns to her and something tragic happens and forces him to remain in this world without her in it.

I was also very curious to see how Michonne would respond to Rick saying this since it's understandably frustrating. And she proved yet again that she’s the best wife when she has such a loving response.

gif cred: @nat111love

Looking just so captivatingly beautiful she gives Rick this empathetic smile and then because their kisses are communication she doesn’t even say anything at first, she just gently takes his face in her hands and kisses him. 🥲

gif cred: @nat111love

The she softly says, “You’re still lying to me. You’re lying to yourself.” I love how this is yet another great depiction of how Michonne is so simultaneously good at empathy and accountability. 👏🏽

I think after witnessing Rick's panic attack, Michonne now knows that whatever this wall is that Rick keeps trying to put up is not something he’s doing to shut her out but really to shut himself out. To shut out Alive Rick. So rather than get angry, she feels for him and knows that whatever is going on inside him is very deep-seated and heavy for him.

And this back and forth undoubtedly hurts her, but like a truly selfless gem, Michonne also acknowledges how this hurts him. Rick has the best wife on the planet and it only gets more confirmed as the scene progresses. 👌🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

She doesn’t tiptoe around addressing the fact that Rick is lying to her and she also doesn’t beat around the bush when telling Rick what he needs to hear which is that he’s lying to himself too. And she’s spot on. Michonne has always been able to call Rick out with such grace.

I love how she keeps her hand lovingly on his face as she drops these truths and the way Rick is entranced yet again by her. I was like - Michonne, you might be onto something kissing him in a moment like this because that’s a surefire way to get him to snap out of CRM mode for a sec.

gif cred: @nat111love

But also, I feel like she kissed him because one; she feels for him, and two; she knows the tough conversations and hashing things out is likely about to resume so she’s like let me kiss my man one more time just in case it ends up being the last time, depending on how this conversation goes lol. 😅

After Michonne notes that Rick is still lying to them both, I love the look she gives him before getting up from the bed. One; gorgeous and two; her look just feels like she knows that CRM pillow talk has ended any chance of another round.

gif cred: @nat111love

When Michonne does get up her X scar is visible and I feel like they knew we wanted a moment of Rick touching the scar and since TOWL came to check everything it can off the wishlists, we sure enough get this moment of Rick gently touching her scar. I love to see it. 🥹

gif cred: @notwithoutmycoffee

I remember first watching that traumatic season 9 Scars episode years ago and just thinking how badly I wanted Rick to be able to comfort Michonne after she went through that horribleness - and now here we are. 😌

And I always find it sweet that despite saying that CRM stuff and Michonne calling him out for lying, the second Rick sees her scar that becomes his focus. He’s always honed in on her which is sweet. 😊 And you know each time he's seen that scar, he wishes he could have been there to protect her from whatever happened.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Rick inquires saying, “this mark on your back” and Michonne sighs and says “Yeah.” Then she tells Rick the details of what happened and I am so glad she had a chance to share about the experiences she’s been through. 👏🏽

After TOWL Episode 3, I remember I was talking with my brother and I was saying I really hope the next episode has a moment where it feels like everything Michonne’s been through and feeling gets proper acknowledgment and I adore that Danai really did give her incredible character the much-deserved and much-needed space for this. 🥲🙌🏽

Michonne explains that the scar came from a woman that she let into Alexandria who was also a college buddy. Rick is surprised to learn she knew her and Michonne says, “Yep. I was searching for you every day, me and Daryl.” I’m glad she got to tell Rick that she searched for him every day.

It’s interesting the tone in which she’s saying this as she gets dressed and stays facing away from him. There’s this sort of detachment as if she has to speak about this with a bit of a wall up because it’s such a sensitive thing that really traumatized her and it’s like perhaps it’s hard to be vulnerable with Rick right now when it’s unclear which Rick she’ll be talking to.

Even just the act of her getting dressed when they def were about to be intimate again prior shows that she’s having to put some guard up a bit more. And it makes sense because I love the guy truly but Rick’s behavior has really been giving whiplash.

Michonne says, “There was no body, no trace. I couldn’t stop believing you were still out there needing help, needing me.” I love that she knows their soulmatism would mean that wherever Rick was he needed her specifically. And she was right. Rick literally needed even just the vision of her in a dream to keep going.

This line reminded me of a moment in season 6 when Maggie doesn’t know if Glenn is dead or alive. She tells Aaron that if Glenn is alive then she knows he’s somewhere needing her. That’s a feeling Michonne had to live with every day for almost 8 years…knowing if Rick is alive then he’s out there needing her. Not just needing help, needing her.

So it was already hard enough mourning his unknown fate in a different way than everyone else because she knew him differently and more personally than anyone else, but then to also have to live with this strong gnawing feeling that he was out there needing her had to just add a whole other level of pain to the situation.

Michonne says, “Everyone thought I was crazy” and I was like - Rick, if you only knew the way so many of those people back home were not there for your wife during this time. 😔 Like so many members of team family were lacking in being the family she needed.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

And it’s so sad to know that Michonne knew pretty much everyone thought she was crazy. But I love that she kept believing anyway because Richonne’s love is too strong to let any outside perspectives dim what she knows to be true about her and Rick’s connection.

She then says how while everyone else thought she was crazy Joycelyn encouraged her to keep looking. It just sucks that the reason she encouraged Michonne is because she’s actually psychotic and wanted to kidnap ASZ’s children. 😖 Like Joycelyn even tho you're long gone, please know...

Michonne then has a moment where she sighs and says, “I was 7 months pregnant.” 🥺 I’m glad she included that detail because it makes everything that happened in Scars extra egregious even tho it was already wildly egregious. Plus, you know it has to hit Rick to know that Michonne endured this during such a vulnerable time of being pregnant with his child just months after his disappearance.

This highlights Michonne's resilience but also has to wake Rick up to the fact that if he isn’t home with her, she’s still at risk of enduring really painful things. She'll just endure it alone and there’s no way he wants that.

Michonne finally turns to Rick and tells him, “She stole Judith and some other kids. She was sick, twisted. Did this to me and Daryl. We stopped her. I don’t want to go into how.” And it makes sense. For Michonne, what she had to do that day is clearly one of the most haunting and horrific things she’s ever experienced so I get that she doesn’t want to have to relive that right now.

But Rick does want to confirm one very important detail when he asks, “You killed her?”

Michonne assures him “Yes” and then this is when we see a flash of that Season 5 Rick because he looks at Michonne and says a very firm and affirming, “Good.” I love this. 🥲

gif cred: @notwithoutmycoffee

It’s clear Rick wants to go dig Joycelyn up and kill her again for the trauma he put his wife and children through.

I was like Michonne, maybe you should have told Rick that Joycelyn is still alive - because that would have had Rick in the car in 3 seconds ready to go home so he could finish the job lol. Tell me Rick wouldn't have hopped up off that bed like...

I love the protectiveness of the way he says "good." You know Rick would have done every dark thing Michonne had to do had he been there in that season 9 episode.

I remember in a s9 RIR post I wrote how part of why Michonne had to wrestle so much with what she had to do in taking out those kids was because she didn’t have Rick there to let her know it’s okay. Like how he had her there to let him know he was okay after his most traumatic act of killing someone with his teeth.

I knew had Rick learned of that Scars' situation he would be wholly supportive of Michonne and feel she was right to do what she did. And so it was nice to see exactly that at this moment in TOWL.

Now, I saw some viewers were upset that Rick doesn’t acknowledge Daryl in this scene...but Rick is hearing that his pregnant wife was branded and his daughter was kidnapped - that’s bound to be the priority for him right now. And it’s not for lack of love for Daryl, it's just there’s a time and place to address him and this wasn't it. Michonne is telling Rick about some of the deep-rooted trauma she’s carried during their years apart. That’s the focus for the two right now and that’s more than okay because...

Michonne looks so sad as she tells Rick, “I stopped looking for you.” And Rick looks sad but understanding as he nods upon hearing this.

It’s interesting how, despite having every reason to think she witnessed Rick blow up and die on that bridge, Michonne still tells him “I stopped looking for you” as like an apologetic confession. And I think that’s because they are so connected and she really was feeling his presence alive out there and so, even tho she had very valid reasons for why she stopped, she still feels sorry that she stopped looking for him when she knew in her heart he was findable.

Michonne says, “I had to take care of the baby. Take care of Judith.” And I’m just moved by this. 🥺 Because it wasn’t even like she stopped looking cuz she gave up or because she was too depressed to keep looking - no, it was cause she still had these important responsibilities to her young daughter and newborn. And she took such good care of her babies even amid her grief. 😭

I like that we see Rick’s watery-eyed reaction to hearing the mother of his children say that she had to take care of their kids. But even with having to stop looking, Michonne lets him know she never moved on from him.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick tends to think he’s someone people can just move on from but I love that through Michonne he constantly gets reminded of how treasured he is. She says, “But I kept believing that you were not gone forever.” Rick looks into her eyes and it’s like he’s getting yet another confirmation of what his dreams continually reminded him of - which is that Michonne wholeheartedly believes in him.

And then I love that she says, “I still believe that.” Even when it feels like her Rick might be gone, she still believes that he’s not gone forever. 🥹 Love it so much. She’s really honoring that 'believe a little longer' motto. 👌🏽

Rick silently looks in her eyes for a moment and this whole scene and episode really just feels like an exchange between two halves of one soul. The way they depict soulmates like no other is something to behold. 👏🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

And right now there’s this underlying complication because Rick has this guard up and yet every time he and Michonne look at each other he knows she can see right through his walls and is beckoning for him to finally let the guard down and express what’s really going on inside.

Rick starts to get dressed and it’s almost like feeling so figuratively bare before her makes him put on another layer. But they are soulmates so nothing can ever really stop her from seeing and knowing all of him.

gif cred: @nat111love

Michonne watches and turns toward him and when she looks down she can see his handless arm. For the most part that arm had always had the prosthetic but now she gets to reach down and touch it and the way she gently touches his arm is so precious. 🥺

I adore the parallel of both Rick and Michonne touching each other's scars that they both received during some of the most traumatic and hardest days of their life.

After enduring those things alone and in the name of love for each other and their kids, they now get to be here face to face and healing each other with their loving touch and care. 🥹

As Michonne touches his arm she says, “You did this to get away.” That has to really move her. Like knowing Rick was willing to cut off his own hand to get away immediately paints the picture of his determination and desperation to get home. And as crazy as that act of chopping off his own hand is, Michonne doesn’t look at him as crazy for it. They’re both intensely devoted to family so she gets it. 👌🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

Rick looks into her eyes and says, “It was the only way.” Michonne says, “You were trying to come home.” And Rick repeats, “I was trying to come home.” I like how he wants to assure her of that. Like while now he keeps saying he won’t go home, there was a time that Rick was fighting like hell to get home. And that’s part of why he’s so convinced he can’t make it home anymore - because of all the taxing thwarted attempts he's tried before.

gif cred: @nat111love

I love that Michonne says, “You’re still trying. I see it.” Even despite the BS, she knows Rick’s heart is still pulling him toward home. 🥲 His heart is pulling him toward her so that’s the same thing as pulling him toward home.

And again, it’s so effective for Michonne to just softly ask these questions and statements regarding Rick’s hand because one; it’s reminding him of what he most wanted and pursued in his past which was to go home and be with his wife and family. And two; it's reminding him how he should still go after what he most wants in the present too.

gif cred: @nat111love

I love how she stays comfortingly holding his arm as she reminds him, “You have the button. You could have hit it, Rick. You haven’t.” That’s a great point. I had forgot that he’s had access to the PRB ever since Michonne gave it to him earlier in the episode. Not pressing it definitely shows that he’s not nearly as eager to involve the CRM again like he claims.

gif cred: @nat111love

Then I love the dialogue with Michonne saying, “You say you can’t go home but I don’t think you can go back.” It’s said so tenderly and as always she’s absolutely right.

Seeing Michonne be there for Rick like this, it made me think about how Rick's past saw him needed as a provider but with Michonne he gets to feel needed and valued most of all as a person, as exactly who he is.

It’s why I think Michonne is the absolute best person to have rescued him because he needed to find himself again through someone who views his role not just as a protector/provider but as a true partner, equal, and love. She's the one who will always fight alongside him and fight for him the same way he does for her.

gif cred: @nat111love

And then y’all, cue my tears because Michonne then lovingly touches his handless arm and emotionally says, “I’m sorry for what they did to you.” 🥺 I have to pause and collect myself after that line. 😭

The way Michonne depicts a wife’s love is just something special. 🥹But also it’s so moving how this just feels like she's expressing from human to human that she feels for him and the pain he's been through.

And even tho Rick hasn’t yet told her exactly what the CRM did that has him so traumatized, in this moment you know Michonne can sense and feel what has yet to be expressed.

I love that Rick is loved on like this by this incredible woman. 🥹 She cares about him so much and after enduring a lot alone for years, I'm so glad Rick has his soulmate back. He needs her and her tender loving care desperately after going without any of this type of care for years.

gif cred: @nat111love

And again, the wording stands out because she knows that what is making him this way isn’t him but something done to him. They did something. And I love that she is continually trying to free Rick from the burden of thinking what he’s become is all his fault or a product of his failure when really he’s a traumatized captor of the CRM.

It's interesting because yes the Civic Republic/CRM didn’t deliberately torture Rick, in fact for many the place is a sanctuary, but they kept Rick from his family and therefore they put him through a fate worse than death. 😔

When Michonne offers him this sincere empathy, Rick looks at her and you can hear his shaky breathing come back a little bit. Again he’s being the most seen and loved that he’s been in nearly a decade and it’s like there’s this anxiousness because he knows there’s something he needs to open up about but he’s kept it inside for so long and so it seems overwhelming to open the floodgates. Especially when he’s still convinced that the best thing he can do is keep Michonne away from him and the ‘poison’ that’s over him due to the CRM.

gif cred: @nat111love

But fortunately, he’s with the one person who can always get him to be real no matter what and so that’s exactly what happens as this scene continues.

I truly appreciate this series of events for the touching way it allowed Richonne to address each other's literal scars and segway into addressing the even more painful invisible scars that they’ve got from having gone without each other all these years.

And if I thought the acting and dialogue were great already…it reached new heights of excellence in these following moments. 👏🏽😌

#richonne #towl #reveling in richonne #1.04 #RIR (38)#the ones who live #twd towl #michonne grimes #rick grimes #rick x michonne #twol #michonne #rick and michonne #twd: the ones who live #twd #richonnefandom

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himbo-in-limbo · 1 year

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[a random head canon thingy idk cuz my I pad is charging n I can't draw rn 😞] Glamrock Bonnie/Glamrock Freddy

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I like to think Bonnie often goes off on his guitar during live performances (leaning towards it sounding like heavy metal) n often forgets he's playing for children LMAO

The kids love it regardless but the gangs like "dude again?" His longest solo was like a good 3 minutes...

He craves to have artistic freedom, I'm assuming the rest do as well tbh

Imagine hearing Freddy practicing his vocals, since we see chica shredding her guitar in her spare time I wonder if he dose the same?

I bet Freddy also likes to help whichever staff member is doing heavy lifting n he sees them struggling with the cargo n just goes "Oh please it's the least I can do! You all do so much for us, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves."

Also likes to help because Freddy has trouble just doing nothing...he needs to be doing something!

Or else he gets a bit antsy

Which is why he loves conversing n little tasks!

Bonnie calls the people closest to him "Carrot cake" bc he loves it sm and he loves them sm

In terms of the OG Trio I see chica being the one they protect the most like that's their baby sister to them 🥺♥️

Side note that it's a shame we don't have enough interactions between chica n Freddy in the game...

Like I wanna know if their just as close to each other as Freddy and Bonnie were

Bonnie gets excited hearing stories that the staff members tell him (if he's friends with em) about the outside world...

He LOVE'S it when they share their favorite music with him! He likes to analyze the guitar solos n usually that sneaks into the next concert hehe

He wants to go outside so bad...he often looks outside any windows and wishes he could just step outside for a bit...

This is also something I think the rest have in common.

They are happy working with the kids! They love their job! They would just like to feel the sun n quite literally touch grass...at least once!

Going back to Bonnie loving carrot cake he dose actually have a slight problem with it similar to chica...just don't leave your slice unattended with him, like a magic trick it'll disappear ✨

I like to think Bonnie originally didn't have eye liner but he saw one of the staff members have some on and he just told them "I want that! Can you put that on me?!" And ever since then it's been a part of his iconic look

Freddy laughs to hard at simple jokes like dad jokes kill him, which is why when he tells them sometimes he can't finish the joke 💀

His laugh is so cute n contagious 😭♥️

Everyone groans but they laugh at Freddy's reaction anyways

Bonnie's laugh is dorky, he snorts on occasion and the others call him out n he gets embarrassed

All in good fun of course!

If Bonnie were to blush I like to imagine that his whole face goes red like you can always tell when he's flustered hehe

Honestly I believe Freddy has that classy rizz, like he's such a gentleman, he'd court you properly is all I'm saying

As for Bonnie he's flirty, if he likes you he'll be teasing you a lot

He likes to bully his crush a tiny bit by making em all flustered, and yes he challenges you to bowling quite often!

It's his favorite bonding activity what can you do

He's such a good teacher for bowling too! Has to be for the kiddos of course!

All in all these boys have a heart of gold

They'll inspire you in some way n leave you feeling happy! And you do the same for them! Their still learning how to modify their hugging power tho!

It's strong! 🧡💙

#glamrock bonnie #glamrock freddy #glamrock fronnie #idk #limbo writes #drabble #fnaf sb #security breach #headcanon #im still waiting for my ipad to finish charging...

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from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras · 3 days

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I've just finished reading 'Unwary'.

This was amazing - thank you for writing and sharing, and thank you for tagging me!

I can certainly sympathize with Theodwyn's view on Eomund. The things that make a man exciting at 20 quite often make him childish and irritating at 40 if he doesn't grow up and move beyond him.

Then we discover, Theodwyn is just as flawed that way herself. Also incapable of heeding the advice of others, not accepting she needs to change and behave more sensibly until it's too late.

I loved the add-on stuff about Thengel. I headcanon Thengel as being a hard, authoritarian father who set high standards and expected obedience (hence why Theoden is so worried about being worthy of his ancestors), and struggled to show love, especially to his kids. I also headcanon that one of the daughters was completely overlooked because she was quieter and plainer than her more glamorous and outgoing siblings. The 'second daughter' name in your story is a great but painful touch.

Would be interesting to see a follow-up from Eomer's perspective. The son who loves his parents unconditionally as a child realizes as an adult how flawed they both were. And perhaps it gives him some painful moments of self-reflection, sitting in vigil over Eowyn in the Halls of Healing after the Battle of Pelennor Fields, accepting that he himself suffers from the same rash stubbornness, and it almost got him killed as well. He tells himself he needs to do better and be better going forward, if he is to be a good King.

Beautifully done. Thank you again, for your lovely work :)

Thank you so very much! What a lovely message!

I think you and I are in a very similar place about Thengel! As someone who’s own father was a damn mess, he never had a good role model for fatherhood and so prioritized easily quantifiable things like discipline and obedience over squishier stuff like feelings, which he would never have imagined talking about with his dad. And since he was essentially forced back to Rohan against his will, I think that would also have made him very particular about wanting to have everything his own way once he was there. (Like an “I’m compensating for my lack of control in being here by overly controlling everything else” kind of deal.)

What you say about the lingering effect of the deaths of Éomund and Théodwyn on Éomer (and Éowyn) is really interesting. I sort of walked up to the edge of that in an earlier story, but I’d like to re-look at that now that I have a clearer sense in my own mind of how things went down with the parents. I wonder how much of the true circumstances of their deaths the kids would have ever been told. Éomund’s death was a matter of military tactics gone bad, so they probably would have learned that over time just from a description of the bare facts. But beyond knowing that their mother became inexplicably ill and died, did they know any more about the context?

It’s really interesting to think about and something I’d love to read more about, too, if anyone else has written (or will write) on that same overall theme!

(Also, have I ever told you that your Éomer “listen up fives, a ten is speaking” gifs are one of my ALL TIME favorite LOTR memes??? ♥️)

#éomer #éomund #théodwyn #lotr

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magnoliabutters · 2 years

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• WHERE IS HE? •

pairing: kas!vamp eddie munson x (she/her, 18+) reader

summary: emptiness, hopelessness, that's all she has to go on now - but that won't stop her from finding him.

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language; mention of dwugs, anxiety, trauma; all the season 4 spoilers you can handle (have you not watched it yet? seriously? i mean no judgment 👀); long distanced affection and fluff, panic attack, hints of depression, not the best coping skills, violence, etc.

word count: ~8k

stories of eddie munson series • season two •

notes: hello! welcome back to our season two. exploring how our baby eddie has now become daddy kas. i roughly followed the timeline listed here for season 4's events. i would def recommend (re)reading season one to understand some references and fall back in love with eddie ♥️

“Please,” you say, exhausted from all the groveling. “I need to know where he is.” Gareth looks up to you as he kicks his feet against each other. His shiner on full display behind his wavy locks. “Last time someone came looking for him, I got this,” he grumbles as he points to his eye. You take a deep breath. All you cared about was finding him. You did not care what happened to Gareth, not if it had nothing to do with giving you a clue as to where he was.

A day has passed since you saw the news broadcast, since they declared the love of your life as a satanic murderer. There was no doubt in your mind that the stories were ever true, but you needed to find him. To be there for him, during this dark time. To help him get out of it, no matter what it takes.

“I’m sorry that happened, Gareth,” you say, thinking sympathy will gain his compliance. “But I need you to tell me something, anything.” He shook his head, rolling his eyes. Your heart sank, convinced he wouldn’t budge. “Who even are you to him? I’ve only seen you a few times in the caf. Why do you care so bad?” he asks as though the words tasted bitter in his mouth. This is not the first person who has asked you this on your journey to find him. You feel stupid, knowing you could have been introduced to all these important people in his life but you wouldn’t. You were too scared.

With another deep breath and your eyes closed, you plead, “Please. Tell me something.” Your eyes begin to well, so close to the truth yet so far. You are unsure if he showed pity or if he did not want to be bothered anymore. He whispers, “Jason’s looking for him too. He’s got a head start on you.” Your swallow, hard. It makes sense. He was accused of killing Chriss - her. You are desperately trying to stay away from acknowledging the reality of her death.

“Go to Wayne. He might know something. Those Munson’s protect their own. He probably has him in hiding or something,” Gareth mutters as he takes a step back from the doorway. You nod, grateful. “Thank you,” you say with a waver to your voice. He rolls his eyes and closes the door before you. Still, you cannot help but smile. You initially thought to get in contact with Wayne, but knew it would be difficult right after the news broke out. It should be easier to get to him now.

You get back in your dad’s car. You grab the map resting on the passenger seat. Quickly, you cross off Gareth’s house with your red pen. You haven’t been home in the past 24 hours. You’ve barely slept, not that you even wanted to. You are hell bent on finding him. Not a single second can be wasted on you. It is all about him.

As you place the car in drive, you reach for the handheld radio in the center console. “Baby,” you say as you pull out of his driveway. “I need you to answer me. I need to know you’re okay.” You move your thumb from the receiver to take a harsh breath. “I know you didn’t do this, baby. Please let me help you,” you say into the frequency with a shaken tone. During one of your first nights together, you both decided on a channel to check in to if you were ever separated. You have been checking that frequency since this all began.

“I’m heading to the trailer,” you continue as you pull onto the main road. “I’m hoping Wayne’ll tell me where you ended up.” In hopelessness, you press your head against the seat’s headrest. “I have my radio on me. Please reach out,” you whisper as your eyes land on the familiar trailer park sign. “I’m crazy about you.” You bite your lip, desperate not the cry - not when you are about to speak with eldest of the Munson’s.

The road to the trailer park has been worn out. You are sure it is due to all the news trucks and bystanders. The road that used to make you smile, gave you butterflies in your stomach, now solemn. And it wasn’t just about him. You used to see kids playing about, having fun at the playground right at the entrance. Now, there are no kids. The people you see are those who usually wave “hi” to you when you drive down. Now, they watch you with suspicious eyes - no doubt, curious as to what you are doing.

As you pull up to the Munson trailer, you watch Wayne lighting a cigarette on the steps of his front deck. His eyes on the ground, stuck in a disassociated state. Not even the sound of your car pulling up was enough to draw his eyes. You get out of the car, hooking the radio onto your jean’s back pocket. Carefully, you close the door to not startle him. You slowly walk towards the trailer.

“Hi Wayne,” you greet hesitantly. He quickly sniffles, rubbing his nose and eyes. “Hey, y/n,” he replies with a faked smile. You grin, as you awkwardly stand before him. “Do you mind if I sit with you?” you ask, wanting to give him space if he needs it. “No, come on down,” he lightly laughs as he grabs hold of a beer bottle beside his right foot. He takes a swig as his eyes remain forward. You sit beside him, breathing slowly as you lean against the trailer. It’s been a while since you have had your hands on something of his, something he loved.

With your eyes forward, you whisper under your breath, “He didn’t do this.” Wayne shakes his head, then shrugs as he takes another swig of his beer. He hides behind his baseball cap. Shortly after, he takes a puff of his cigarette. “My boy wouldn’t be capable of something like that,” he mutters. “He would never do something like that.” You place a hand on his forearm. Your brows pull together in pain. “No, he would never do this,” you whisper. He turns to look at you with widened eyes, as though you were the first one to say that to him. He then scoffs and shakes his head, looking down.

“I’m glad he had you when he did,” he mutters against the bottle’s mouth. You look down to your feet, feeling the tears settle in your eyes again. With a hard swallow, you look back to him, “I’m looking for him, Wayne.” His eyes slowly fall upon yours in disbelief. “I-I thought maybe you would’ve known where he is,” you suggest. He laughs, the first genuine smile you have seen since the night you first met him.

“I would’ve,” Wayne starts. “I would’ve taken him so far from here in a heartbeat. The justice system is bullshit. No matter how innocent he is, they still would’ve called him guilty for just playing that dragon game he likes.” He scoffs again, shaking his head. “But I didn’t get to him first,” he whispers.

Excitement bursts through your skull. Your eyes widen. “Do you know who did?” you ask as you adjust your seat so that you face him. He looks over at you with saddened eyes. He watches as the happiness fades from your face. “I don’t,” he mumbles. “I keep thinking he’ll reach out some how.” You place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I keep thinking the same thing,” you soothe. “I don’t understand why he wouldn’t come find me. Let me, or u-us, help him.” You turn back towards Wayne to see a smile slowly form on his face. You cannot help the grin that grows on yours. “What?” you ask with a chuckle. “Sometimes it’s hard to think outside of the box with so much shit hitting the fan,” he looks up at you with excitement. He reminds you of him. A warm feeling fills your chest. “What is the only reason he wouldn’t contact us?”

You feel an overwhelming wave of love flood your body. “He’s protecting us,” you nod. He nods back, then shakes his head with a laugh. “That boy is the very first Munson with the purest intentions.” He smiles as he takes another swig of his beer. “I’m not going to stop looking for him,” you say with certainty. Wayne chuckles as he places a hand atop yours. “Me neither.” You let out a soft laugh as you stand. “You let me know if you find him?” you ask. He nods with a smile. “You do the same.”

With a nod and wave, you walk towards your car. You grab hold of the map, noting just one last place to check. Your body slowly begins to show signs of exhaustion. Had the adrenaline finally worn off? You lightly smack your hand against your cheeks in attempt to wake up. Your hand tightly grips onto the wheel as your head floats back and forth. It didn’t help that the sun was starting to set.

In what had felt like forever, you finally pull into the Hawkin’s High parking lot. You drive to the very back of the lot, heading towards the football field. You park and grab hold of your jacket. You make the all too familiar journey towards the woods. You love these woods. You adore what happened in these woods. The place where you fell in love. You hope that this very love will bring him back to you.

Your eyes fall upon the clearing of trees. The infamous table sitting right in its center. You lightly brush your hand against its wood, remembering the incredible memories that came of it. Without a second thought, you grab your walkie. You step onto the bench, sitting atop the table. You click on the receiver, placing all the good energy you have left into this little radio. Hoping this time he will finally answer.

"Baby," you whisper. "I'm back where we first started." You look around at the trees, the fallen leaves on the ground. "I thought you might be here," you start. "Or maybe I just thought this would be the place I'd feel closest to you." You pull away from the mic, holding it against your forehead. Rushes of pins and needles flood your brain as you try your best not to cry. You are so exhausted. Every effort is spent on finding him, and primarily not breaking down.

With a quick breath, you say, "Eddie, please. We can go to Chicago, or Paris, wherever! I have been ready to start my life with you before I even met you." You rest back onto the table. You watch as the light in the sky fades darker and darker. "You don't have to protect me, baby," you sigh. "You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to be the strong one here." The stars begin to shine brighter behind the marbled clouds.

March 24th, 1986.

Little did you know, Eddie has been listening. He's been listening since he stole that radio from the construction crew by Reefer Rick's. He goes back and forth between channels, listening out for Dustin or Wheeler's call. But he always checks back to the station you both decided on, an "in-case-of-emergencies" broadcast, hoping that you would reach out. All he wants is to hear your voice. To know you are okay. That you don't suffer the consequences of loving him, Hawkin's latest murderer. That whatever happened to Chrissy never happens to you. And for that, he knew he had to hide - to protect you.

The first time he heard your voice, you sounded frantic. It felt like a blade through his heart. His stomach tied up in knots. "Baby," you said. "Baby, please tell me where you are." You followed with, "I know you didn't do this. Please just let me help you." He misses you with ever fiber of his being. In the last month or two of knowing you, he has had the best time of his life. He got something he never even thought of wanting, being loved so dearly by you. He wouldn't trade it for the world. And he definitely wouldn't risk your life so that you could help him - even if that meant nonstop panic attacks and endless amounts of fear. God, he wished he had a nugget or two to get him through this. He thought Rick would have something, but the butt muncher's house was clean.

The second time he heard your voice, you held onto the receiver while "Take on Me" was playing in the background. He couldn't help but smile, knowing that you were smiling hard on the other end too. You both wouldn't say that this was your song, but it definitely sparks incredible memories. Next, you played "Master of Puppets." For Eddie, it was like listening to the soundtrack of your love for each other. He misses your dance sessions, and listening to different types of songs on records or cassettes. The way you both share and love Miss Betty and the high that follows. Sometimes he talks back to you, pretending as though you could hear him.

As your check in's continued, it became harder and harder to listen in. To know that you were desperately looking for him. To know the truth of what happened to Chrissy. To know that if you were to find him, there is a really good chance you would die. He would never do that to you. His heart breaks every time he hears your call. Your shaken "baby" through the radio. Tears well in his eyes as he knocks his head back onto the wood of the shack. He felt every ounce of your pain on top of his own. He wondered whether the pain of not reaching out to you would be worse than death.

But what if he died and never spoke to you again? What would that mean for you? What life would you lead after something as traumatic as that? Would you even know if he died? Or would you think he left you behind? These conflicting thoughts continued to burn inside of his skull, behind his eyelids anytime he closed his eyes. However, these thoughts were his only break from seeing Chrissy die over and over in his dreams.

Despite over 24 hours without sleep, Eddie continues to stay strong in his will to keep you safe. He’s thankful when Dustin or Steve stop by. It gives him a break from the nonstop pull of the tether between you two. But when he’s alone, it’s the absolute hardest. He sits in the full shack, wondering how long he will stay here. Will the canoe be his new bed? Will he have to hide in darkness forever? Will there be anywhere safe from Vecna?

“Baby,” he hears your voice. His head shoots up as he clumsily runs over to the radio. “I’m back where we first started.” His heart skips a beat. His eyes close, remembering your gorgeous self walking to the clearing between the trees. How you were always the beauty he looked forward to seeing. He was so thankful for having the balls to kiss you that day. The day everything changed.

“I thought you might be here,” you say. Eddie quickly stands to look out the dirtied window. It is getting dark. You shouldn’t be there. His heart starts to race. “Or maybe I just thought this would be the place I'd feel closest to you,” he hears you scoff near the end. A smile forms on his face. God, he misses seeing your smile - making you smile.

“Eddie, please. We can go to Chicago, or Paris, wherever! I have been ready to start my life with you before I even met you." His heart breaks hearing you call out to him. Every atom in his body is begging him to respond. To make you smile one more time. To give you what you need in this moment. To give him what he needs - you. The worry in your voice is enough to make his skin crawl. Those conflicting thoughts pop in again. Is it better to leave you deserted, or protected?

“You don't have to protect me, baby. You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to be the strong one here." Eddie’s brows pull together in complete agony. He feels weak in his legs. He slides down the wall, his fists clenched as all hell. He misses you so much. Your eyes. Your smile. Your dimples. Your hair. The way your nose crinkles up when you're laughing. The way your brows push together when he makes a stupid joke. The way your body collapses into his chest with your arms around each other. He would do anything to hold you again.

Eddie's smile floods across his face. His eyes close as he grips the radio against his chest. Desperate to feel that sensation again. In his tight embrace, his thumb presses harshly against the receiver. "Eddie? Eddie, is that you?" you call out with increased excitement. "Shit!" he whisper-screams. His fingers fumble over the radio. You must have heard the feedback. “Eddie, baby,” you cry into the radio. “I heard you. Just - can you give me two clicks if you’re okay?”

He thinks about this. The risks, the rewards. He can’t put you in danger, he won’t - but would clicks really be putting you in harms way? With a bit lip, he clicks his thumb against the receiver twice. He could hear your gasp and nervous giggle. He is cheesing so hard his cheeks block his vision. “Eddie, baby,” you whisper. “I’ve missed you.” The laugh that erupts from his chest excites him. He clicks it again, thrice this time.

“Hmm,” he hears you hum. “I love you too, baby.” He is so thankful you understood. His heart fluttering with anticipation, hoping you will speak forever. He ponders the thought again. What’s the harm of you hearing his voice? Of them having a simple conversation? With a harder bite to his lip, he holds the channel open as he struggles to speak.

“Y/n,” Eddie whispers. His heart so full from speaking your name aloud, speaking to you. “Eddie,” you patch back in. Your smile audible in your voice. “I’m so sorry, love,” he whimpers. He sucks in his lip as he tries to hold back the water forming in his eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for,” you reply. Your voice so soft and comforting. “But you’re okay, right?” He weakly sighs as he knows he has quickly arrived to the point where he must lie to you. It was much easier with clicks, much harder to convey over a radio channel. “I’m okay,” he says quickly. You believe him, of course you do. “Good,” you say in relief. “That’s all I care about.”

“Where are you?” you ask. The undeniable and heartbreaking question he’s been wanting to avoid. “I can’t tell you, baby girl,” he mutters. “You don’t have to protect me, Munson. I’m a big girl,” you joke, but he isn’t laughing. “I do, y/n,” he starts. “You have zero clue what has happened. I cannot, will not bring you into this.” You sigh. His heart sinks, not being able to tell you everything. “That sounds like a lot on your shoulders,” you coo. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I’m not,” Eddie responds quickly. He winces, knowing he messed up. “Who’s with you?” you ask in a mixture of shock, anger, and hurt. “I can’t tell you,” he whispers. He knocks his head against the radio three times. Hating himself for keeping this from you, leaving you in the dark - where you’re safest. A few seconds have gone by and the channel remains quiet.

“Y/n?” he reaches out worriedly. Shortly after, he hears two clicks on the feedback. You’re okay, but you’re clearly not ready to talk after hearing that. Understandable. “What happened with Chrissy,” he begins but chokes up. His throat feels like it’s closing in on itself. His entire body rejecting the idea of talking about the experience. With a few coughs, he is able to speak again. “It was more than just me. Other people are affected by it too, and-and that’s who’s helping me,” he shares. He hopes that will be enough to bring you back to him. “We’re going after the thing that killed Chrissy.”

Eddie hears your feedback click in and then gradually out. You must have had something to say, and decided to let it go. He closes his eyes and keeps breathing. His muscles tightening across his chest. “That sounds dangerous,” you reply softly. “It is. That’s why I want you nowhere near this,” he agrees. “But I’m supposed to be fine with you risking your life?” you ask in disbelief. He shakes his head. His index fingers pressed against his temple. “If it means keeping you safe and getting justice for Chrissy, yes. I hope you will be,” he retorts.

“But I want to be there with you,” you cry into the radio. Eddie’s lips begin to quiver. He hates when you cry. His entire body feels on fire, determined to stop who or whatever is hurting you. He never thought he might’ve been the one to hurt you, never in a million years. With a shivering breath, he answers, “I know baby. I want you here. I would want you here with me, but only if it meant you wouldn’t get hurt.” As thoughts swarm his head, Chrissy’s ending some how becoming yours, he breaks. “You don’t know what happened to her,” his voice breaks. “That cannot happen to you, y/n. It can’t.”

He hears you take a deep breath. “I will try to understand,” you say slowly. It sounds as though the words are painful to get out. “Love, you should go home. It’s not safe to be out in the woods right now.” He hears the receiver click on, but then only the silence that follows. He takes in a shaky breath. He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it. "How long have you been listening, Eds?" you ask quietly.

Another crossroads. Another moment to choose the truth or to lie. "I've been listening since earlier today," Eddie mutters, ashamed. You click on the channel, "Good thing you slipped on the receiver, huh?" He laughs, pushing out the remaining tears he had. God, you knew exactly how to make him laugh. How to exactly cut through an awkward conversation and fill it with laughter. He loves that about you.

"It's the best thing that's happened to me since the shire started burning," he mumbles. "Same here, my love. Just please be careful, 'cause Jason and his band of freaks are after you too," you whisper. Eddie laughs incredulously - of course they are. "Thank you for letting me know. I'll add that to my list of assholes on my ass," he scoffs.

"Well, now that you've broken radio silence. Can you keep checking in?" He blushes. He is so grateful and thankful for your love. He is reminded every day of how much you truly care for him. He doesn't know what he did to deserve you. "No matter what, I will meet you here, on our channel, at 4:30p every day," he says. This is something he can do for you, something he's happy to do for you. To give you some sort of comfort in this quiet apocalypse that Hawkins is enduring.

"Thank you," you murmur back. "I wish I could hug you. I could really use one of your tight ass hugs right about va now," Eddie mumbles into the microphone. "I would be there in a heart beat," you reply sweetly. Luckily for you both, Vecna seemingly took the night off from harassing the dear, Eddie Munson. He encourages you to travel home and stays on the infamous channel until you are tucked underneath your covers - safe and sound. You grab hold of one of his old Hellfire shirts laying across your comforter. You share how you wish he was there, snuggling up next to you. He desperately wishes he could be and helps you pretend, until you fall right asleep. Finally.

You wake up to a radio indented across your right cheek. Quickly, you check the your clock to see that it was 3:46p the following day. "Shit," you mutter under your breath. You really needed the sleep. You were able to rest once you found him, once you spoke to him. Last night felt like a dream. You pray it was real. You pray that you will hear him again at 4:30p.

You sleepily crawl up the stairs of your room and open the door to your family's kitchen. Pete turns to stare at you, his eyes like daggers. At this point, rolling your eyes to your younger brother is beyond natural. As you open the fridge door, Pete scoffs behind you. "You know they found another kid." Your heart sinks as you slowly turn to look at him. "Some kid named Fred. He was a part of your school's newspaper," he says as he harshly throws today's newspaper into your arms. "Killed just like the first girl apparently. By your boyfriend."

Your face squishes together in horrific disgust as you push the paper back into his chest. "No, Pete. Not my boyfriend," you sternly respond. You quickly lose your appetite and slam the fridge door. You close your bedroom door, locking all the bolts, and rush down the stairs. You wonder who exactly this Fred is. Did you know him? If they’re saying Eddie did it, how would he know of him?

Suddenly, you hear three clicks on the radio. You rush over, a smile beaming on your face. “Eddie?” you ask. “Hello, my love,” his sweet, tender voice comes back. “How was your day?” you ask. You feel light on your feet, completely head over heels for him. “It was something,” he starts. “Did you hear about Fred?” You bite your lip. “Yeah, do you know him?” you ask. Your mind already trying to prepare for how the police will stupidly try to pin this on him. “No, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met him,” he shares. “He was on the other side of the lost sheep spectrum.”

Eddie’s shaken voice rings clear through the radio. “Please, for me, just stay home. This is only getting worse.” You sigh, hating the fact that the only way you can help him right now is to ensure your own safety. You just need to stay alive, for him. “I’ll stay inside,” you promise. “Thank you.” Silence fills the air, as you sit down on your favorite reading chair. You feel hopeless. Almost as though his voice is now a reminder of everything you’ve lost.

“What did you do today?” he asks with glee. You always appreciated how energetic and full of life he is. “I slept today,” you chuckle. “Ooo,” he gleams. “Mighty impressive, y/l/n.” You shake your head, a smile forming despite your desire to be sad. “What about you?” you ask, as you cross your legs. “Well, I’ve been just hanging around doing absolutely nothing,” he starts. “Dustin managed to get me a Yoo-hoo.” Dustin, your mind sparks. You hate to get excited, especially when he wants to keep his location from you. He quickly speaks again, “Forget you heard that.”

“What? The part about how you’re having a Yoo-hoo without me?” you ask, trying to make him feel better. Eddie scoffs, “Yes, I forgot I’m not allowed to have Yoo-hoo’s without you.” “Darn tootin’,” you add. “Okay, well I’m sure you’ve smoked without me so…” he inquires. “Actually, I haven’t,” you quickly respond. Your eyes wonder as the channel remains silent.

In a deep, quiet voice, he asks, “Do you have some left?” You laugh. Your eyes shooting towards your bookcase where your joint rests perfectly against the ashtray. “Yes,” you lead, curiously. “Take a hit for me?” he asks gently. You cannot help but burst into laughter. “Dustin can’t get you that?” you ask with a raised brow. “Henderson? Yeah, no,” he snorts.

“Okay, well fine. I’ll do one for you,” you say as you stand to walk to the shelf. “Okay, but keep the mic on so I can hear,” he replies excitedly. “Hear what exactly?” you chuckle. “Well, I’m going to count you through it,” he whispers. “Oh god, no,” you scoff. “Oh god, yes,” he replies. “You light it yet?” You smile, flicking your lighter. “It’s lit,” you confirm. “Alright. Breathe in - 1, 2, 3,” he starts. You follow his instructions, leaving the microphone on. “4, 5, 6,” he continues.

At this point, your eyes are watching the radio. How long is he planning on going? “7, 8, 9-” You immediately burst out coughing, waving the smoke that falls from your lips. Eddie laughs hysterically. “You only made it to nine?” he giggles. “Damn, I thought I taught you better than that, baby girl.” You roll your eyes and scoff. “I wasn’t thinking you’d be counting forever,” you whine. “God, I miss you,” he murmurs. “I miss you too, baby,” you respond. You take a deep breath, wishing he was here with you.

“Y/n,” Eddie starts. “I have to go, but I’ll meet you here at what time tomorrow?” he asks. “4:30p, baby,” you reply confidently. “Good girl,” he says smoothly. “No matter what.” You gasp, wishing he’d call you that more often. “Do you know how much I love you?” he questions. “Hmmm,” you answer, pretending to think. “Probably not that much.”

Eddie laughs, sucking his tongue against his cheek. “I love you with everything I have,” he shares through his smile. “I love you more,” you add playfully. “I love you more infinity +1,” he responds. “What does that even mean?” you choke out through a laugh. “It basically means I will love you more forever,” he answers. “By rules of math or some shit, you technically cannot love me more than I love you,” he smirks. “I’ll have to check the math on that but it’s questionable for sure,” you laugh.

“I’ll let you go, baby. Bye, Eds. Stay safe,” you share. Your heart breaking between clicks of the receiver. “No goodbye’s,” he says hurriedly. “Only see you later.” You smile. He is constantly reminding you of how perfect he is. “I’ll see you later, alligator. I love you,” you murmur. “In a while, crocodile. I love you so much, y/n,” he coos. Your heart feels so full. Just a few minutes of talking to him and you feel like you’re on the moon. Eddie Munson is the absolute love of your life, and he always assures you that you are his.

It's 4:57p and you still haven't heard from Eddie. He said he would be here yesterday. No matter what. He told you how dangerous this would be. How hard he would need to fight to ensure not just your safety, but everyone's in Hawkins. Eddie tends to exaggerate, but this felt real. It was a matter of life and death. You hated not being a part of it.

Around 6:30p, you start to reach out again. You wonder if he's in a place where he is unable to talk. Maybe he has headphones? Maybe he can just listen. You play your favorite songs - the ones you love to dance to together. You hope it will give him solace in whatever horrific things he is now a part of. You manage to keep your head down from all the ridiculous news and suburban family outcries surrounding the love of your life.

You hear a knock at the door. Your three heavy duty locks bolting it tightly shut. "Y/n," your brother calls out. "There was another one last night." A deep breath almost leaves you lightheaded. You swear, every time another body appears you are terrified it might be Eddie's. You rush upstairs and unbolt the locks. "Patrick," Pete says as he gently hands the paper to you. Your eyes fall upon the basketball team's picture, finding Patrick right beside Jason. "Shit," you whisper under your breath.

You read deeper into the article, desperately looking for the location. Found at Lover's Lake, you read. Carver swears that Munson used his "satanic powers" to murder McKinney in front of him. "Shit!" you say aloud. Your hand rushes to your forehead as your body goes limp. You lean against your doorway as all these intense emotions rush through your appendages. With a breath, you continue reading, Carver claims Munson escaped on the other side of the lake. "He's alive. He's alive. He's alive," you whisper on repeat, trying to calm yourself down.

Pete watches you with concern. A part of him is starting to realize that Eddie Munson's involvement in these murders is not lining up. There is a crap ton of coincidences, but barely any factual evidence. Plus, Pete's played dungeons and dragons before and it's fun game. But definitely not fun enough to make you start killing for the devil though. "It's going to be okay, sis’," he says as he pulls you into his chest. Sobs get stuck in your throat while you are too busy trying to be strong.

Abruptly, you pull back and suck in your lips. "Thank you," you mumble. You turn around and close the door behind you. You bolt the three locks and rush down the stairs. With a single twist, you collapse on your bed. "Where are you Eddie?" you ask into the open channel. "Just give me those two clicks." You click on the receiver twice to let him know you are okay, but all you hear is silence.

You set an alarm for every 30 minutes to try Eddie again. You spend the entire night waking up and barely sleeping, just in case you might miss him. Maybe he will have changed his mind? Maybe he would have wanted you to come meet up? Or he'll finally take you on that road trip to Chicago? A list of maybe's, but you refuse to miss any possible moment he may reach out.

The day feels colder. You haven't eaten since you last spoke with him. Your mind feels clouded. It feels crazy. You don't want to do anything and accidentally miss his voice. Pete continues to knock on your door, begging you to come out and eat. He often leaves a plate at your doorstep. However, you leave that plate to rot.

Another 4:30p passes and you feel like your heart might stop. Every knock at your door shakes you. Thoughts rush through your mind. It may not be food anymore. It's Pete coming to tell you they found him. Eddie Munson, the town's satanic freak, was dead. You were terrified within every second that passed. Not knowing what may have happened to the love of your life.

Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. Your mind is slow in acknowledging it. There are no earthquakes in Hawkins, Indiana. Then jolts, harsher and harsher. It’s impossible to ignore now. You rush to your handheld radio and hook it to your back jeans' pocket. You grip tightly against the stairs' handrails as you struggle to get to your home's main floor.

When you finally make it to the kitchen, you yell out, "Pete!" Quite frankly, the only family member you care about. "Y/n!" he yells back as he slips back onto the stairs in the living room. "Is this an earthquake?" he asks, confused. "I don't know what this is," you say as you hear the scariest sounds you have ever heard come from your home's walls. You look up to see cracks forming across the doors' thresholds.

With a loud siren, the TV quickly shifts channels to an emergency station. You and Pete rush towards it. "HAWKINS FAMILIES. EVACUATE TO THE SCHOOL. EVACUATE NOW," a stern voice yells over the speaker. "Where's mom and dad?" you ask as you grip tightly against his shoulder. "They're at some manhunt thing at the town hall," he breathlessly answers. His eyes darting to the ceiling, hearing the cracks and breaks within the walls. "Let's go," you say as you pull hard against his shoulder. You drag him out to your father's car and jump in. The car feels as though it is rolling against endless amounts of waves.

You push the radio into his hands. "Hold it open," you say. Pete quickly presses against the receiver. "Eddie, I don't know where you are but there's an earthquake. They're evacuating us at the school." Suddenly, a tree falls right onto the road before you. "Shit!" you yell as you press hard against the breaks. The radio flies out of Pete's hands and snaps in two against the dashboard.

"Are you okay?" you ask, your hands white knuckling it on the steering wheel. "Yeah, but -" he says, looking down at the broken radio. You take in a sharp breath and look back towards the road. "It's okay. Let's get safe," you say. You press on the gas and swerve around the large oak tree. As you drive, you see deep cracks in your beloved town, so deep you swear you could see lava. The shaking stops. You pray it's over. You try to keep your mind from thinking about Eddie, not until you get your brother safe. You begin to smack your hands against the wheel as you hit bumper to bumper traffic upon the windy road that leads to the high school.

Once you finally park and ensure a safe cot for your brother, you rush around desperate to find a radio. After you ask, most people ensure you that your parents will be fine. You feel dead to their kind intentions. You wish they would say them about Eddie. You watch as the police and firemen offer assignments to the destitute group. You rush to take the food bank assignment, hoping that keeping busy will keep your mind off of him. It wasn't working.

You finally fall back into your cot at 1:28a. Your sleeping brother beside you. Your heart feeling empty and desolate. The color purple begins to seep into the skin under your eyes as you continue to rack your brain with insomnia. You close your eyes only to pretend that Eddie can hear your thoughts. Hear the sweet words you were saying in your head. That he is still alive. That he will come back to you. All of a sudden, you begin to hear another voice. The voice in your head that reminds you that he won't.

After a laughable attempt to sleep, you wake up to your brother shaking your arm. "Look, it's snowing," Pete says excitedly. You look up with a squinted eye to see others and their families crowding to rush the front doors. With curiosity, you stand and walk over to the front of the gymnasium. You look up to see grey snow - wait, no. Not snow, ash. Others' faces seem to perk up in happiness and excitement. You knew better. These were the ashes of Hawkins.

As you follow a falling spec, your eyes fall upon Dustin in the distance. His face solemn, concerned. His brows pushed together. His mouth straight and stern. Without even thinking, your legs started to bring you over to him. Memories of Eddie accidentally saying his name, acknowledging that Dustin Henderson was helping him in whatever dangerous journey he was in, rush back.

Before you could stop yourself, your hands grab tightly against his collar. You pull him around the corner, away from the naive families, and push him against the wall. Your peripherals pick up quick movement beside him, but you don't give a damn. "Where is he, Dustin?" you ask through your teeth. "W-where is who?" he worriedly asks. His hands up as he desperately seeks for something behind you. "Where is Eddie Munson?!" you yell. "I know you were taking care of him. You were helping him."

Suddenly, you feel a hand upon your wrist and another set of hands upon your shoulders. You don't care enough to pull your eyes away from Henderson. "Where is he?!" you scream. "Hey, hey. I'll let you know, but you need to let go of him," you hear a soothing deep voice say. "Yeah, j-just let go," a nervous voice comes from your left. You turn to meet the eyes of one, Robin Buckley. You look the other way to see the one, the only, Steve Harrington.

Your nostrils flare as you look back at Dustin. Your grip on his collar becomes tighter. "Tell me," you seethe through your teeth. His eyes become watery as he mumbles, "Get her off of me." Steve quickly pulls you away, pushing you back. "Who the hell are you?" Steve asks. His hands and body tight, protective over Henderson. Robin stands back, watching the horrible scene unfold before her. "That doesn't matter," you say. "I need to know where Eddie is."

Steve's face winces in pain, as he slowly looks back towards Dustin. Tears were falling down the boy's cheeks. Your heart sinks, deeper than it ever has before. Your eyes begin to water as your body begins to accept the possible reality that Eddie really might not be coming back. You feel lightheaded and stumble back against your feet. Robin quickly rushes for you, catching you before you land backwards on the concrete.

Your breathing begins to rush. Your heart races as you flop over to lean against your knees and thighs. "Oh my god," you crack as you struggle to take in a deep breath. "Breathe," Robin says as she holds you up. She worriedly looks towards the boys. "Breathe, in and out," Steve says with concern as he demonstrates the breathing. Dustin slowly walks up to her. He starts to remember all the times Eddie would disappear in the cafeteria. How he would always rush over to the same girl. The same girl who was always having difficulties breathing. He would help her breathe, just like Steve is.

In that moment, Dustin knew that you were not one of the dickwads that Jason riled up to find Eddie. You were special. "What's your name?" he asks softly as you finally are able to follow the rhythm of Steve and Robin's breathing. "Y/n," you spurt out. Your eyes raising towards his. "Y/n," he whispers. His lips begin to quiver, as tears roll down his chubby cheeks once again. "He's gone." Steve's head shoots towards Dustin in shock. He did not agree that this was the time to tell her, or anyone, this.

Your eyelids begin to flutter, as the life inside you slowly dies out. You slowly rake over his body until you meet his eye line. "I asked," you snarl. "Where is he?" You have no trouble with your breathing now. The anger fuels your heart. You are determined to see him yourself. "You don't want to go there," Steve begins to mutter. "Where is he, Dustin?" you ask again, pulling your arms from Steve and Robin's support. "In front of his trailer," Dustin answers with a monotone. He has no more tears to cry. You take in a shaky breath as you close your eyes. "Thank you," you say.

You then turn around and walk towards the town. Dustin's eyes widen in horror. "No! You can't," he yells out. Steve holds him back from running after you. The Munson trailer was only a short 15 minute walk away from the high school. Your body pulls you towards him. You aren't sure what you will find, but you need to find him. Your entire body feels weightless, almost as though you can float up to the sky and disappear. You might want to after this.

Hawkins is unrecognizable. If you take away the hardened cracks within its surface, it’s still chuck full of new things. These black, thick veins that cover practically everything. You are careful to walk over them. They look slippery to the touch. Even the air feels different. It’s stuffy, dark, full of the ashes you witnessed before. Everything looks the same yet absolutely doesn’t. This isn’t just an earthquake…

Luckily for you, the pain wracking a hole in your chest saves you from the fear of this new unknown Hawkins. You come across the Forest Hills Trailer Park sign. The words are barely discernible. You turn down the road, just to see a storm forming in the distance. As you quietly walk past the familiar trailers, you begin to feel the sensation of being watched. Goosebumps begin to track up and down your arms.

A crash forms atop of you. It is so loud you place your arms atop your head. You look up to see a red aura flashing through the storm with each crash of thunder. Your eyes widen. Finally, you reach the small field between the Mayfield’s and Munson’s. Your eyes slowly fall upon the rather large pile of blood seeped into the concrete in front of Eddie’s trailer. You begin to shake, losing your breath again. “Where are you?” you whisper with trembling lips. You look around for any sign of movement. Any indication of where he might have gone. Or if something took him.

Fear spreads across your body. Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe you should’ve listened to Henderson? He could’ve helped you do this more safely. Maybe … whatever got Chrissy is still out here? The thought reminds you of how much Eddie wanted to protect you. To keep you far far away from the thing that destroyed his life. But the love you feel is determined to know his fate. Determined to know if you would see him again. You begin to hear his voice your head, “Run.”

Without a question, you run. Run back up to the road as fast as you can. You try your hardest to dodge the slimy vines, but you slide against them here and there. You can hear your heart thumping in your ears. You can also hear rustling behind you. A clear sound of something running behind you. You try to run faster. You need to live. You need to live for him or all of this shit was a waste. You run as fast as your legs can take you. Your feet screaming at you in the process.

The noises that form behind you become louder and louder. You spot a car on the side of the road. You rush towards it, quickly jumping into the driver’s seat. You pull down the visor, praying the keys were stashed there. Nope. You drop open the glove compartment. No. You reach below the steering wheel. You pull against a set of wires. Eddie briefly spoke of how to hot wire a car. How his father taught him. How it was one of the few happy memories he had with him. You try to remember the steps while continuously listening out for something behind you.

With the hit of a few wires against each other, the car’s engine ignites. Shock is written all over your face. You rush to put the car in drive and step heavily on the gas. But before you knew it, you were outside of the car again. You watch as it rolls into a ditch. You feel familiar hands at your waist and neck. The cool touched figure pulls your hair to the side, exposing your skin. You are terrified. You try not to cry in the face of death, but you learn you are not that courageous. You stand there with trembling lips, tears down your cheeks, and shaken, sobbing breaths.

With a quick movement, you feel an intense pain against the crook of your neck. You scream at the sensation. Then begin screaming the names of those who may be able to help you. Eddie, Steve, Robin, Dustin. But no one could hear you scream. No one would hear you die, but him.

Just how Kas likes it.

notes: god, i missed this. i missed baby eddie and man, oh man, do i miss leaving y'all with a cliff hanger 😈 miss you all! welcome back! ♥️

next part • the devil of hellfire •

taglist: @babeyglo, @dotslabyrinth, @wheaty-melon, @mattymurdocksbitch, @sammararaven, @onlyfengs22, @perle1990, @ms1oftheboys, @ghosttownwherenoonegoes, @tayhar811, @hiscrimsonangel

comment on any series posts or message to be added to the taglist!🤘🏼📻 ♥️⚡️

• nav • no-no plagiarism • series • requests open •

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson fandom #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #kas eddie x reader #kas eddie x you #kas eddie munson #Steve harrington #Robin Buckley #vampire eddie munson #vamp eddie #kas vampire eddie #Eddie Munson fluff #eddie my beloved

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modern-inheritance · 19 days

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Rank at least 5 characters in the order of how much you love them. Then do the same but with how much your au changed them compared to the canon ♥️

Ooo that's hard. We can start with the obvious and somewhat less obvious:

Loved Characters:

Arya. My girl, my badass crazy elf chick, my damaged string bean, the person who kicks me in the head at night, the character that got me into writing when I had spent my entire life abohoring writing my own words in all forms.

Brom. What can I say? He's everyone's dad.

Saphira! Sassy! Young, definitely wise beyond her years, but still young.

Here's where you typically lose me, or I lose you. but! we will indeed continue, with the ones that make people question my sanity:

4. Durza. Delightfully, deliciously evil, and just for the sake of being so. Many doors opened for me to explore due to this thing's depravity. 5. Uuuuuuuuuh. You know what? Yeah! Eragon! He learns! And he loves learning! How slow and painful his life would have been without the space, opportunity and means to explore himself and the world the way he did through his travels and training with Saphira! He hungers for knowledge, the hows and whys. And though he's young, and he makes mistakes, he learns from them and takes responsibility as he matures. And I have mad respect for all of that.

Rankings by MIC Character Changes:

Arya. Yeaaaah. I know we know very little of her true history and life, but MIC was sorta started as a way to explore PTSD and Arya's life. She's far more brash, wild and spitfire in MIC, but, when you look at how she acts when in 'public' in MIC (and I've not...really...written anything that shows this yet I'm realizing), she's damn near the same to her canon counterpart when acting as combat liaison officer in the public/court/official eye. But I wanted to give her space to breathe, I guess, and a chance to process and go through her trauma. Iunno. I prefer my version of her to the canon, but without the canon I would't have her!

Brom. There is a lot that you guys haven't seen or heard about Brom that I've had planned for years. A few moments that I have in mind: We get Brom's rage-revenge years in the pre-Eragon/pre-war era stories of Arya and the Squaddies. Brom causing the death of civilians, including children in a pinpoint focused drive to capture/kill an agent of a Forsworn that was using a town as a meatshield, so he lies to Arya about there being no one else in the building they need to target so that she'll agree to allow him to cast magic through her (conduit casting, useful for spellcasters who have a better understanding of a spell yet a weakened connection to magic but have access to a willing, stronger spellcaster who can open their mind to them to use their energy and 'scaffolding' in a way to channel the spell, or just to amplify a normal spell by 'bouncing' it around the 'scaffolding' and am i making sense it make sense to me i'll do more later sorry) but she senses the lie at the last moment due to their minds being linked which leads to an explosion due to the conflict between spell directing and yeah uh...things are bad between them for a while (this is the Thornwell incident mentioned in 'Collateral'). Brom, like Arya, is given a long stretch of time in Ellesmera and Eragon and Saphira's training where he has little to ground him or work to distract him and he eventually spirals into alcoholism, end of life ideation and is eventually chained to a toilet for a week or two to sober up and get his head on straight. Oh, and he lives. That's big.

Glenwing! We know absolutely nothing about Glenwing other than that he liked birds. I tried to give him a character, and while I do sometimes feel like I don't give him enough individuality, I'm trying to do that more often. He also lives, but like...only...if we're going by burn percentages for like body percentage then he lives only 91%. Cuz...the arm. Yeah.

I...don't have anyone really for four.

Eragon and Saphira! I know I don't show them much, but I feel like they stay fairly true to their baseline and merely branch out rather than be completely changed from their original. People can correct me on this though, if they can find enough posted material for either of them!

I can't even say I changed Durza, just...made him worse. Amplified his weird and ick and bad.

TORIN! JFC, I LITERALLY MADE ROSE GUY A CHARACTER.

I am low brain right now but thank you for your patience on this one, anon. It's very hard for me to actually pick up the changes after so long with MIC. I feel my versions are canon more often than not. Which might be why I'm having such a hard time finishing Murtagh.

Cheers mate! Thanks for the ask!

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chaosteddybear · 7 months

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About your Tav !

5. Are there any instances where your Tav can permanently leave the party, depending on player character actions ?

Super curious about this one !! 👀♥️✨️

Eeeee! Thanks for asking! OK since you know Turgi I'll answer for her, and I'll add Sasli too because I already have an idea for her ☺️

Turgi's Companion Quest

If Turgi isn't Tav, you'd find her in a prison cell right by Minthara. Minthara holds a grudge against her and is worried she isn't fully enlightened because, well, she's not! Even when tadpoled, her brain can't process things like gender roles obv.

If you choose to save Turgi, whether or not you save Minthara too, Turgi's quest would be along the lines of "Protect your friends, and get through this alive without sacrificing your integrity."

She'd be very disappointed and maybe leave the party if you: work with Oblodra, trash talk all drow too much, treat goblins as lesser just for being goblins as opposed to focusing on their cultist alignment, let Astarion die.

She'd be available for romance, and if not romancing Tav, she'd pair up with Astarion obviously!

Some side quests would include

- Supporting Astarion along his path, motivating him to choose not to ascend.

- Teaching Astarion, Lae'Zel, and Shadowheart to be less judgy of others such as gnomes and other religions..

- Yelling at Wyll's dad

- Saving the Gondians

- Killing Mystra

- Holding Astarion while he cries

- If you're durge she will play you a lullaby while you're tied up, and another time she will take you on a journey to learn tools to practice controlling your urge

- Saving the gnomes in the underdark

- Partying and playing music with the mushrooms

Sasli's Companion Quest

I think introducing Sasli to the game would also open up Raphael options.

Her goal would be to learn about her lineage, so when you meet Raphael she'd ask to be brought to visit his home and learn as much as possible. You'd be able to go as his guest, maybe a cute little conversation where he talks directly to her and asks about her lineage etc then invites you all to a dinner. Since she is from Glasya and Levistus, I think Raphael might be intrigued and excited to make Levistus look bad to her. She'd want to go visit his archive too of course! But mostly to chat up the archivist and learn a lot.

She'd be open to sharing you with any other companion hehe, she'd also ask to join or watch, whatever you're most comfortable with. Heck, I'd even love if she can have her own relationships with other companions. Hello, Gale, you there? Teach her about wizardry please. She wouldn't even mind that she'll always feel second to Mystra.

She would be very disappointed and leave if you kill Raphael. Heck, she would definitely switch sides for the fight too. You'd have to kill her first!

She'd also leave if you are cruel to the tieflings.

#Sasli #Turgi

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florwal · 1 year

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I’m playing your save file and I appreciate how realistic it is! Out of curiosity I have few questions. What made you want to create the save other that the fact that it’s based off where you live? Also Love it but a lot of your sims aren’t the best of people and do bad things. Why is that? English is not my first language sorry for mistakes ♥️

here’s a very long answer! there’s a lot of good saves out there, but there weren’t any i could find that were realistic, centered around crime, regular lower income families, builds that were old and dingy etc. basically i just wanted a hood ass save file that felt familiar to my actual life/friends/hometown. it was just gonna be a personal save but i joined simblr to share my builds and people started asking me if i’d ever make a save file, since i already was i decided to share it w everyone. if i never joined simblr i don’t think i’d finish the 3 portsim worlds as fast as i did/keep expanding to other worlds but seeing people enjoy something i’ve created and adding their own spin to it makes me so :’) it makes things a lot more fulfilling/enjoyable <3

when it comes to my sims and their stories, real people aren’t 1 dimensional. to me, doing (certain) bad things or making wrong decisions ≠ being a “bad” person, it’s more complex/circumstantial than that. i guess i just want my sims to feel like real people or at least as real as sims can feel while having shitty ts4 ai. most of them aren’t meant to be seen as good/bad honestly, it’s subjective to each person that plays the save. obviously some things are dramatized to keep it interesting but overall i want things to be grounded in reality.

examples:

- charles boyce is my most extreme/one of my only inherently bad characters, i wanted him to have generic serial killer vibes. he got brain washed and manipulated into a cult which resulted in him becoming a paranoid evil person that killed his wife, jerrod banks’ mom, other pregnant women, and eventually even his own daughter for the mother plant (which canonically doesn’t exist) that the cult worships because 1. he was already misogynistic and had shitty morals and 2. he’s been brainwashed into believing that’s what he has to do to have eternal life.

- jerrod banks. he doesn’t know his mom was murdered, he and his dad (the police chief) just think she left without any explanation when jerrod was a teenager. that caused him to have trust issues and be emotionally closed off to avoid being hurt by people. his dad tried to be there for him, but he was also dealing with his wife leaving him to be a single dad, a demanding job, and a son that acted out. that’s a lot for one person. jerrod also grew up in portsim. being young and impressionable living in a place full of poverty, surrounded by the glorification of drugs, guns/violence etc causes it’s own issues. fast forward a few years later, jerrod and his childhood best friend deven have big plans. they both love creating music and want more out of life so they form a rap duo hoping to be successful and get out of portsim. but when a local record label takes interest in/only wants to sign deven… shit gets real. deven takes the deal, and jerrod is upset. the person he loved and trusted the most betrayed him, that’s his biggest fear. jerrod ends up shooting deven, which is obviously a terrible thing to do. but it wasn’t for no reason. i wouldn’t want to personally be around someone like jerrod, but i also wouldn’t view him the same way i would see someone like charles boyce.

#asks #i hope this doesn’t come off as me being pretentious or fake deep #i am just super passionate about this LMAO

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gu3ntzel · 1 year

Note

this is me taking an interest in your ocs 👁️👁️

OCS!!!! 🥹♥️ the most specialist ocs in my heart, all from the random bullshit im writing

tim: is just a baby!!!! lil baby boy who just wants to be good at baseball!!! “im the baseball boy, im the one who WINS” is an only child who’s mom abandoned him w his dad when he was young (young enough to have memories of her but not totally remember wha she was like) and his dad hattteesss him! thought he wasn’t skilled enough to learn anything else so just taught him baseball cos tim was good at him! this little guy has self esteem issues up the WAZOO! little man was rejected by the love of his life (demps) then made a deal w a demon and demps was like “hey, i made a mistake of calling things off out of fear, can we try again?” and he’s like oh!!!! everything i could ever want!!! and then is painfully reminded he doesn’t :’) he just wants demps and baseball but nooo he’s gotta have a little demon messing everything up for him. It all works out in the end (almost), tim sacrifices his arm to be with demps and they live the rest of their lives together :’)

demps: mr catcher man!!! east coast boy who had a (nearly) perfect childhood!! decided to play baseball instead of going into the family business and ended up with the traveling team. literally like fell in love with tim at first sight despite the fact that tim was quiet and standoffish!!! literally had a panic attack after like a year or so of them dating that their manager would kick them both out if he found out so he broke it off to protect tim, it ended up hurting them both so he eventually asks for tim back!! and he expects to be rejected but Tim says yes!! then his hearts broken when Tim says they need to take a break but he wants to respect it. has 0 clue his lil man’s made a deal with a demon. eventually he gets jumped outside of a bar and beaten, is taken to the hospital and may never play again, but as long as he has tim he’s ok w it:’) and he does!!! tim comes back and they find jobs together and yeah they may have to move later but he’s so happy!!! he’s got his man!!

casey: oh this man is a BASTARD!!!! hockey man who’s a nepo baby. his dad played and won a cup and expected his sons to do the same. too bad his dad’s a psycho and murdered his brother, sister and mom! casey got away purely bc he was at hockey practice and when he returned to the house he saw his sister’s body through the gap in the door and called the police. now he’s traumatized and has to live up to these expectations for his mom and siblings. he makes it but hes traded by like, three different teams and he’s not very good. eventually he makes it onto the same team w his childhood bf julian and wants to make it last, but he keeps fuckinf up!!! man just wants to make a team his home:( he just wants to belong!!! also yes bi and has a thing for julian but don’t you tell him that!!! it upsets him

julian: gay goaltender!!! he grew up with casey and they’ve been close friends for a long time. he’s really the only one who knows what happened to casey and can actually ask about it, everyone else gets denied. julian’s supposed to be a franchise goaltender but he doesn’t want that!!! he doesn’t want to live with the expectations that brings him. he didn’t ask for everyone to take interest in him but he hopes to live up to their expectations. he also understands that there’s people who’d kill to have that sort of stability as long as his play remains consistent enough. he feels like he’s being pulled both ways with his loyalty to the team and loyalty to his friend.

nate: captain nate!!!! no nonsense SOB who may or may not have murdered a man. he’ll do anything for this team and anything to win. despite welcoming casey into the team he low key hates him and thinks he should be traded, but plays nice because they eventually become d-partners. he wants to murder casey high key but his A’s miry and ukko are like “dude what are you doing….” probably should be in jail

also here’s the playlist for each of their novels if anyone wants to listen:’) tim + demps casey + julian + nate

#fnsbsn ty!!! for taking an interest!!!! here’s some spam ♥️

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fictionalreads · 1 year

Text

9-1-1 Lone Star Season 4 Catch Up

Episode 11

Judd gonna be a granddaddy!😂 That whole conversation was a wild ride

Oh we get to see Marvin! He’s selfish. Could’ve just been a cameo and not a whole plotline

Oh she’s evil. It’s a ball and they didn’t mean to hit the ugly ass gnome.

Should’ve just let them have the ball.

Mateo. No do not pay that bail.

I’m with Judd. Wyatt doesn’t seem like firefighting is his thing. I wouldn’t make the call either. Woah I didn’t say he was soft Judd. You could’ve told him you wanted to see him on a ride along first or something.

Bad idea Nancy.

Damn. He died. Marvin did it himself, not you Mateo. BAD MATEO NO DRINKING

What the fuck am I watching? Oh he took the rap for Mateo and that’s why he owed him.

This is so weird. But I see why Marvin is a plotline now.

Episode 12

Oddly, I’ve seen this one.

Episode 13

Damn why is her tongue swelling so much.

Grace you still feeling some type of way? I’m not saying you can’t, I’m just saying if you don’t want your mama to know why maybe act more natural.

JUDD SAID HER VOICE WAS THE FIRST THING HE FELL IN LOVE WITH 😭😭♥️ I love them.

LMAO Owen is the other man. Yes he is freaking out.

God I love Judd, “Hey, you riding with us?”😂😂

LMAOOOO DID HE JUST POKE THAT MAN?!

EEEEEWWWWWW HE JUST BROKE HIS CHEST

Damn everybody husband going down. JUDD BETTER NOT GO DOWN

Oh shit she knew

THEY SINGING!! Ain’t nobody gonna get the doctor? The man woke up.

He probably poisoned himself.

Episode 14

Y’all trying too hard to blame her. I don’t believe it.

Paul. You are incredible. I love you.

I love Tommy but her storyline is kind of cringe. But Grace and Tommy together are in fact hilarious. Did he really just break up with her?

Paul gets the win again.

Owen you interfered. You don’t think he would feel some type of way?

HE WAS TRYING TO POISON HER!! OH SHIT IS SHE DYING FUCK OWEN

Episode 15

Y’all it feel like he was kidnapped or something.

Now how did you get knocked out?

Oh that’s sad Grace. She had to listen to that. I really thought the girl was gonna die.

Yeah that detective is an ass and not very good at his job. Oh kick his ass Grace, he did not just tell you to stick to answering the phone.

McGregor please go away

Awe shit Lexie died.

Tell Carlos. Don’t respond. Damnit Grace! CALL SOMEBODY ELSE NO GRACE AND WHY IS MCGREGOR JUST SITTING THERE CALMLY

SHE SWITCHED THE GLASS Smart Grace even if Judd still gonna kill you

He dying?

Episode 16

Tell them. Cause if you just die they’ll wonder.

That was not an answer to the boy’s question.

That guy is a creep, don’t talk to him kid.

Oh good the kid is safe. LOL Kids say the darnest things.

DAD JUDD IS THE CUTEST!! “What are y’all doing Thursday? Good y’all can babysit”

Get out Tommy

Tommy you don’t get to play dumb and be mad. The man called mayday and you ignored it and intentionally stayed it. I get your intentions, but you still put yourself at risk.

Tarlos is so cute

LMAO The reverend and Grace gonna go on a date if y’all don’t get ready.

Watch Grace and preacher man get into it on their behalf. 😂😂 I SAW IT COMING

“Get yo ass up Tommy”

Really Tommy? I mean the man didn’t have to go to HR BUT YOU DID IGNORE HIM

WYATT NOOOOOO I really hate that they did that to Wyatt just to make Tommy and Judd make up.

Episode 17

I think Judd is my favorite. From both shows. This is a new revelation for me.

Woah Carlos you have no from to talk. I don’t wanna get too political cause that’s not this blog but cops started out as a group that was meant to capture slaves so…

Nancy why you so invested?

NOOO THE BABY SAVE THE BABY

Judd don’t do this to my emotions. Oh no he lost function in his legs. I know people live full lives after, but it still sucks when you have something and lose it.

They’re showing Carlos’ dad too much and giving him a role in the wedding other than just being his dad. Nothing better happen to this man.

Judd I can’t believe you’re actually quitting.

Okay Owen do we really need the speech.

Owen. The man clearly had white wine, why did you fill his glass with red?

Ah shit. He got shot. HE DIED?! WHAT THE FUCK

Episode 18

What’s with the eyes Carlos?

Oh God he called him Tyler.

Shave Carlos. Usually I prefer men with facial hair but you just look greasy.

Of course the man had secrets. He was a Texas ranger.

The only upside to this episode so far is that it started doom and gloom which means it’ll be happy at the end.

Judd. Take the signals he’s sending you. He ain’t all that comfortable. Shit I sound like Judd when he’s talking.

This man said 2003 and my mind said “oh 2023, wait how did he make a video in October of 2023? It ain’t October yet and he died.”

Judd. Caregiving ain’t for you. He didn’t ask you to quit, that was your choice.

Oof. The airplane sound? Judd. My guy, my love (platonically cause you belong with Grace), you can’t do that.

Bad Carlos! Don’t hunt down people alone!

NANCY LOOKS SO GOOD MARJAN AND HER MAN LOOK CUTE TOGETHER

Did we know Paul was officiating? I feel like we did but it’s been a minute so… I forgot. 🤷‍♀️

Why is Marjan crying at Tommy singing? I mean it’s beautiful. But you okay sis?

No Owen is not ready.

Oh I liked that ending sequence a lot.

Miscellaneous

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to watch this show so I’m doing one big post.

Vaguely I remember episode 13 being marketed by the Kendra drama, but I can’t remember if they talked about the McClain sisters singing. If they didn’t, missed opportunity.

TARLOS WEDDING

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one-abuse-survivor · 1 year

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first i want to say, i know you won’t be able to remember or find it because i didn’t sign it or anything, but a long time ago i vented to you about the abuse and trauma i was enduring, and i wanted to let you know that i’m in a much better state of mind now, and i’ve learned a lot of coping skills that have helped me emotionally regulate to the point i can function. thank you for listening to me during that time and being so supportive, it really helped a lot.

now comes a content warning: [mentions of abuse, physical assault, violence, rape]. i’d like to ask your thoughts on something new. i’m a young adult now, been one for years, i’m working on building my own life and everything, have a healthy romantic relationship now and all that. not everything is perfect, but things are pretty good compared to how it used to be. recently, i started having frequent vivid nightmares. it’s not just general scary stuff. i had a dream that a boy i’ve only talked to a few times raped me. he’s never done that in real life. the dream still felt real. i’ve had multiple nightmares about my dad physically and emotionally abusing me and my family. there’s lots of hitting. last night, i dreamt that he was physically assaulting us, and he even choked me out. i thought he was going to try to kill me. the dreams about my dad have relevance to real life, as he has abused us in real life, though not to the level of violence that my dreams have. i thought the nightmares might be part of trying to finally start to recover from long-term trauma. but some of the dreams don’t have anything to do with trauma i’ve endured. they’re always traumatic, but not trauma i’ve had in real life. i really don’t know what to think or to do. i’ve never had nightmares this bad before, not even in the midst of my real-life trauma. it makes it hard to sleep. i even feel afraid to sleep sometimes, like if one wakes me up in the middle of the night, i might try to stay awake because i’m afraid of what else i might experience when i fall back asleep. on one hand i want to know why i’m having so many so often, so that maybe i can use that information to help relieve myself of them. on the other, i want to know how to cope with them. i know they aren’t real, logically speaking, but i am having real, painful emotional and cognitive experiences, so the knowledge that it “isn’t real” doesn’t really help me. i wanted to ask your thoughts on this. thank you again for listening :) i hope you have a great day ♥️

Hi, nonnie! I might not know what your previous ask was, but I'm really glad to hear from you again and to hear you're doing well. I'm really glad to have been of help ❤️

The nightmares you've been having sound horrific, and I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

I can tell you that it's not uncommon to develop new symptoms of (C-)PTSD years after the traumatic events have stopped. So yes, the nightmares only recently starting up can be a PTSD symptom, even if they never happened during the time you went through the trauma. But I'm not a professional, and I can't really tell you why you're having them so often. I can theorise, and say that maybe as you've progressed in your recovery and have started to feel safe in your real life, your subconscious is feeding you horrible traumatic scenarios in an attempt to keep you prepared in case anything bad happens again, like it doesn't want to let its guard fully down yet. But that's just one possible reason this could be happening.

Also, although I've never had a phase of frequent nightmares as severe as yours, I have had many trauma nightmares over the years, and I've also dreamt about my mother doing things she never actually did in real life. So, you're not the only one! And I personally think it makes sense. Dreams aren't coherent or rational, and they naturally tend to mix reality with fiction, at least for me. So I personally don't worry too much about my trauma nightmares being an accurate reflection of the abuse I endured.

As for ways to cope with the nightmares, I'm afraid I also can't be of much help. I can tell you that certain habits can make us more prone to vividly experiencing/remembering our dreams. For example, if you consistently don't get enough sleep, your brain might sink directly into the deep sleep phase when you go to bed, and that can make you more aware of what you're dreaming. On a different note, one thing that used to help me years ago (not with nightmares, but with insomnia) was to fall asleep while reading the most boring books I could find, and not stop reading until I fell asleep. Maybe this could work as a distraction for you, to keep your mind away from replaying your previous nightmares in your mind as you fall asleep.

Is therapy an option for you currently? It sounds like a good therapist could give you some guidance on how to cope with the nightmares, and could also dig deeper into why this is happening and maybe give you some outlets or exercises to work through what's causing them.

I hope things get better soon. Sending all my support your way ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Rape tw #Sa tw #Physical assault tw #Violence tw #Nightmares tw #Ptsd tw #Physical abuse mention #Choking tw #Abusive father tw #Abusive father

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phenomenal1500 · 2 years

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~The Broken Soul~

Masterlist

A/N: This was requested by Sp44wn on AO3. Thank you for another request! I really liked this idea. ♥️

Summary: T'Challa tries to convince Erik to let him help him heal the wound caused at the end battle.

Pairing: None. Warning: Angst, mentions of death & trauma.

This was the moment Erik had prepared for his whole life. The moment where death and karma decided to both finally take him away from the world that he had done so much wrong to.

Killing, stealing, hurting, betraying.... he was finally paying for it and he was ready.... well.... that was what he had taught himself to think from a young age. Inside he was still the scared little boy that had lived his whole life in misery. He never meant to turn out the way he did, but years suffering from trauma and revenge destroyed his innocent side. The hatred was all that was left in him and he knew he would never be able to get free from its hold.

"We can still heal you...."

"Why so you can lock me up? Nah. Just bury me in the ocean with my ancestors who jumped from ships, 'cause they knew death was better than bondage." He hissed, trying to pull out the knife that had planted itself between his ribcage and heart during their fight.

"Think about this real good, N'Jadaka." He could hear his father speak to him through the blood droning in his ear and he teared up. He wanted to die, he wanted the pain to end, he wanted to be reunited with his father, but he also didn't want to disappoint him by giving up so easily.

He had trained hard for this.... and he failed.

"Erik, perhaps we can still rearrange something.... I know my father did wrong, and it caused him to create something way worse than he feared, but we don't have to end up the same way our fathers did. Take my hand and we will end this cycle." T'Challa held out his hand, hoping the stubborn man would let go off the knife and take it. However the time it took for the man to make a move scared him.

He was scared he would let himself die, and honestly, Erik thought about it, but then his father's words would echo through his mind again. 'Think about this real good, N'Jadaka.' What did it mean? To Erik it sounded as if his father wanted him to live and learn to enjoy life and a part of him wanted it....

Though, a part of him just wanted to pay for what he had done as well. He never regretted standing his ground and believing in what he believed, but the way he handled it and managed to get where was now he did regret.

"I know you feel guilty for what you have done and that means that there is still good left in you. Let's get you home and healthy again."

"I brought Wakanda in danger, I brought everyone in danger. I killed for this shit. I betrayed for this shit. The people hate me."

"We'll make sure you get the help you need mentally and physically, but you have to take my hand and stop thinking about everything you've done then. Wakanda will be able to forgive you for what you did." He watched the man with eyes of understanding, not judging him but rather putting the blame on his own father. This was a boy who grew up seeing only the bad side of the world and T'Challa wanted to change that. "And they will accept that you belong here now."

"I'm an outsider." He growled, hating to call himself that, though he knew everyone saw him as just an African-American assassin.

"No, from today on, you will be a rightful royal Wakandan citizen and anyone who hurts you will be punished by the Wakandan law."

"You promise....?" He looked up, finally pulling his gaze away from the beautiful sunset his father had once told him about when he was a young kid.

"I promise." He gave him a nod to clarify and carefully Erik took his hand, letting the king help him to his feet to bring him to the lab for surgery.

He didn't know why he accepted it in the end, but he wanted to live, wanted to show his dad he hadn't only put a monster into this world. He wanted to learn how to live, enjoy the good things in life.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad with the right help after all?

#marvel #marvel one shot #T'Challa #king t'challa #n'jadaka #Erik Stevens #Erik Killmonger #t'challa udaku #angst

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mlobsters · 1 year

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supernatural s7e10 death's door (w. sera gamble)

"dick is coming." *cut to "the rise of dick" graphic* i literally facepalmed. "he's making the doctor eat himself" you know. these leviathans, the special effects are so bad. this is supposed to be a sad bobby episode, quit snarkin.

i like bobby but i don't really have any emotional attachment to him either, i just can't seem to connect with jim beaver. and this feels like an honoring the special character we're killing off type episode. we'll see if they manage to get any tears out from me (if they do it'll be almost definitely via the boys' feelings)

BOBBY No, listen to me, Rufus. I’m gonna die! RUFUS Oh, now that’s a realistic view of the mortality rate on a ghost hunt. RUFUS is holding an EMF reader, which lights up and makes noises. RUFUS Whoa, whoa, Nellie, red line. All right, baby boy, here we go.

(see now there's an actor i can connect with! i'm glad we have this excuse to bring rufus back)

obligatory comment that this reaper is young and cute. winchester and co get the fresh ones, apparently

RUFUS I'll be a prima ballerina. Wait, wait, Bobby. Are you trying to tell me I'm just one of your better memories?

♥️

BOBBY You're coming with me, Rufus. RUFUS What? BOBBY I need my partner on this. Please.

BOBBY So, you're telling me that the way out was through your worst memory? RUFUS It's an important door, Bobby.

so er uh WAIT

the magicians s4e5 escape from the happy place

this is like the magicians episode s4e5 (periodic reminder sera was showrunner there too) escape from the happy place! eliot has to go through his worst memories to find the door to talk to quentin while he's possessed by the monster! lol

CHARLTON There's a door somewhere. Hidden deep in a forgotten remembrance.

ELIOT Huh. So just my most repressed and traumatic memory.

that's just. so funny. because that's the episode that really attracted a bunch of people to the fandom because it's where queliot became like.. canon with a possible future, as opposed to something that happened in the past (in a time loop). oh and hey i made some dumb parallels/comparatives thing with the smith/wesson spn episode and that episode here and i painted the queliot kiss from that ep to

all right. back to the spn. not telling your wife you don't want kids when you knew she did? not cool, bobby.

speaking of not cool. that startled me badly and poked that DV trigger. wanna show manly idiot grief exploding in aggression, do it not right next to a person's head. have him turn around and hit something. ugh.

DEAN He's not gonna die. SAM He might. DEAN Sam. SAM Dean, listen – we need to brace ourselves. DEAN Why? SAM Because it's real. DEAN What do you want to do? You want to hug and – and say we made it through it when Dad died? We've been through enough.

dean handling this as well as i expected. gotta lean on each other, man. don't leave sam alone with his satan-vision.

BOBBY (on phone) No, we didn't shoot rifles, as a matter of fact. We threw a ball around. He's a kid, John. They both are. They're entitled. Yeah, I know I ain't their dad.

you know i'm always here for john winchester shade.

BOBBY’S FATHER Good. You break everything you touch. BOBBY Uh-huh. Well, as fate would have it, I adopted two boys, and they grew up great. They grew up heroes. So you can go to hell!

nice to hear bobby's proud of them. his best memory being movie night with the boys bickering did get to me.

tw cancer / parental death under the cut

that fight with dean being in denial about bobby possibly dying and leaving sam alone in the hospital.. just got the mental calculation of how realistic is this type of clash, but then okay my dad died from cancer when i was 16, he was at home with hospice care. but my mom.. she died when i was 32. in the hospital, from cancer.

me and my brother were out there, she lived in az and i was in minnesota at the time, my brother in new england. she checked into the hospital for some biopsies and then rapidly declined and died 2 weeks later. we didn't even know she had cancer before then. so we were with her the last week. obviously real life is different from a show.

but i did have a moment where i had to leave. my brother was trying to help my mom have some ice chips but she was really so out of it, she couldn't deal with a solid in her mouth and she started choking. brought up one of the worst memories of when my dad was sick. mom woke me up, frantic, pulled me downstairs because my dad couldn't breathe and he was trying to sign something to her in ASL in the alphabet but she didn't know the letters. he was saying he couldn't breathe.

anyway. this show manages to jab me in the dead parents feelings routinely.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 7x10 #spn-tm-thoughts #the magicians #escape from the happy place #on absent fathers (excused with a note)#rip rufus #bobby singer #sera gamble

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fecto-forgo · 2 years

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For the character list ask: Renfield, Mordred?

OHH BOTH FAVORITES AT ONCE NICE

renfield

favorite thing:hes just like me hes just like me fr

least favorite thing:dead </3

favorite line:all the times he gets to be mean to seward.sooo funny of him

brOTP:i wish he got to have like.a positive relationship i could put here.uh.i think seeing him and quincey interact would have been fun

OTP:n/a i hc him as aro lol

NOTP:renfield/seward i have it filtered out bc its literally triggering for me LMAO

random headcanon:if i give him self hitting autism will i go to jail for overdosing on self indulgence hcs

unpopular opinion:id usually have one but my minds blanking out uhh none of stokers hate crime attempts w his character worked on me baby girl i am just like that too.i am fine w his portrayal in 99% of his scenes.in fact we should let him be more violent he earned that

song i associate w them:the masters song

favorite picture of them:i dont wanna risk tumblr deleting everything ive written so ill fetch the pictures later but that scene in spanish dracula where hes sitting silly after seward pulls him up the balcony.god i love rubio renfield he gets it

mordred

favorite thing:he is also just like me+i like assholes

least favorite thing:the fcking post vulgate stories that try making him into a rapist.the entirety of the post vulgate is garbage overall but oh my god they really created "use rape as empathy shock factor" huh...i saw one person bring up the possibility of writing stuff w the rapist mordred takes and wanted to punch the wall.let that shit die permanently

favorite line:ik idylls of the queen is a modern book but i love that little exchange he was w kay where kay tells him god damned him to hell and he goes "yeah ♥️"

brOTP:i love love love his relationship w agravaine treason brothers <3 personality disorder solidarity <333

OTP:sorry for being a mordred kinnie stereotype </3 but galadred.its actually them+percival but i write galahad and mor in such a mentally ill way they hate each other for half the story in my head and its fun for me to think about

NOTP:literally anything w incest GOD why is there a published book where he falls in love w his father.

random headcanon:the way i write the patrice murder story in my head has him climbing the castle walls to overhear conversations from outside the windows for investigation.he also hid under a bed at some point for that as well.weirdo

unpopular opinion:i HATE the once and future king but th white was onto something w the take hes a hyper paranoid asshole who thinks everyones out to hurt him and cries if someones slightly mean back.he literally fits the whole ppd criteria th white wants to fuck ppl w ppd so bad (also idylls of the queen did the same take but like being normal about him so no credit to white regardless lol) i simply do not think he can work as just a sad snarky emo boy.psychotic-fy his ass!

song i associate w them:debt collector

favorite picture of them:that one where he has dragon themed armor and the dragon sword.god theres no way clarent (the sword) came w the dragon wings on it he 100% had them alter it for his dad killing outfit

#ask #ty for the ask <33 i love them sm

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brideofpink · 1 year

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Part 1

The first account

I really messed up...i don't know what's out there but it keeps chasing me, it's fast and heavy footsteps make me squirm on the stump I'm currently sat up on..i don't know what it wants from me, I'm just a typical male highschool student. I knew this trip would be bad yet I can't ever convince my dad to just let me stay home, he insisted on this hunting trip...i still don't know what it did to him but I think it's better not knowing than seeing what that monster is capable of, I only saw a blur of it when it snatched him up. My tears hit the ground as I gripped the shotgun in my hands, I'm just so scared to get up because of that paranoia you know? The feeling when someone or something in my case, is watching you...waiting for you to turn around and just see it's horrific beauty, typically that feeling didn't bother me yet now alone in the woods my only protection being this shotgun with 5 bullets, and it had taken my dad.."please dont be dead.." I mumbled to myself, sure me and my dad never had the best relationship since him and mom split up...but i knew he loved me thats why he even took me to this god forsaken woods, i need to protect him like he protected me from that monster. Maybe it left him for dead? Besides he has the keys in his pockets and I don't wanna just walk home, that thing is fast and it probably knows that..but it couldn't be faster than a car right? I slowly got up clutching onto the gun and began walking through the woods I swear I kept hearing sounds, even sometimes I thought I heard footsteps or whispering...damnit why did I even let dad pick the woods that had the most disappearance cases?...I thought I saw a bunny for a second it looked strange...and it's eyes pure red and it's fluff was white yet had something gooey in it, I blinked and it was gone after walking for a bit more time I spotted a mask on the ground, it was green with black scribbled eyes. It gave me the creeps I sighed deciding to leave it alone, I'm not that stupid I seen horror films... probably was a cursed object or a trap that would kill me the second I grabbed it. I kept walking sometimes I heard childlike giggling, I noticed something on the ground I slightly leaned down it was a white feather it was soft and slightly glew but still I had no trust with it, instead I kept walking it felt like this woods went on forever truly. Sometimes me and my friends jones, Abigail,and red always joked how we would survive a horror film, but now that it's basically happening to me it's terrifying...you can't tell if you'll spot the beast out of nowhere, like when you see a dark area and your afraid but not of being alone...but not being alone instead, this is what that felt like while my boots crunched the green and red autumn leaves under me. Suddenly I smelt it and froze the smell of something...or someone rotting the smell was overpowering as I started gagging sliently, I already had a guess of what it was...but dear god this possibly was worse...as I rounded the corner peeking from a tree, I saw red but she was impaled on something...her once Auburn hair was now dark and tangled while some blood dripped down from it...a side of her head was caved in,one side of her face bloody and mangled. I threw up in my mouth and quickly left the scene in tears, I NEED to leave and just get out of here but after a few more minutes or hours of walking I spotted it, my dad facing a tree he was seemingly zoned out i started whisper calling him "d-dad!" But as he turned around the horror struck me.. (Lol cliff hanger ♥️)

#x the child #creepypasta #xcreepypasta #Horror

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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3:56 am pdt Saturday 8 April 2023

Since 2017 incubus has been calling me “trash.” 3:57 pmpdt I am resigned to believing in it. The bad smell returned ≈3:05 am pdt. Seems symbolic. Nick V./B.’s birthday. 3/05.I think incubus is telling me Nick is not sick. 3:59 am pdt it was decided b4 I was conceived to be the sacrificial cow of slavery in Jeremiah of the Bible. It is what it is. 4:01 am pdt no is perfect (acid in mouth on teeth???? 😞😖😭😭😭😭) I don’t foresee change. I m tortured until I’m dead 😵 he warned. 4:02 am pdt 4:03 am pdt I guess that means he lied 🤥. Still don’t know if he was “Brendan.” If he gave hints of it and it’s true, then he’s very detached and (left hip bone pain 4:04 pmpdt) lies all the time about love 💕 to make himself look good even when he’s bad/misbehaving/lecherous. 4:05 am pdt even if I suddenly am given back memory of being his wife I would disown him for hurting me so badly. I will never trust that whatever he is. 4:06 am pdt animal 🦔 4:06 am pdt I see every person including myself differently. 4:07 am pdt everyone looks like a lecherous animal 🦔 to me. 4:07 am pdt no mattter how smart you seem. Thank the incubus for that. 4:08 am pdt

4:49 am pdt I’m sorry for what I did but I did not rape anyone with my hands 🙌, mouth 👄, or vag. Incubus miñion wants to make what I did into bigger than what a man 👨 did. He likes to call me a hypocrite by attacking my hip bones 🦴. 4:51 am pdt I’ve only been s*xually naked with men my own age. Please READ ALL posts. 4:54 am pdt incubus likes to condemn women for any small infraction(?). But when a man does something wrong 😑 he says to me “it’s not death.” ☠️ In regards to what garrido did to dugard. There he goes again touching my hips. Pain 4:56 am pdt biggest hypocrite of all = incubus in my book side ribs pain!!!! 4:45 am pdt when love 💕 ends I promise I will never breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ again . Maybe 🤔 incubus never loved 🥰? He can make himself have the look 👀 of love 💕 without genuinely feeling it. I.e. with behati if he’s really into stroh and not her ever. 4:58 am pdt

5:13 am pdt incubus punished me my whole life 1,000,000% (acid throat pain 5:14 am pdt he’s killing me now.) worse than what I ever did. 😖😭😭😭😭 don’t believe that face. He forgives rapists who drugs & villifys their victims and likes it when their victims are tortured. The rapist are rewarded. The victims punished. 5:17 am pdt I’m not going to have a tongue 👅 soon 🔜 and a throat or a vag or a butt or legs 🦵. Basically DEAD ☠️. So if surgeons were counting on new victims to victimize (?) ... be prepared for disappointment. When there are no more people to be patients what’s going to happen to the doctors 🥼? We are all connected to each other. In a circle ⭕️ in a hoop 🎶🎼🎵🎤 5:21 am pdt don’t trust that animal 🦔! He is heinous animal 🦔! He is your god! Your representative! You are the same? You like him? You want to be like him?! He is admittedly an incubus to me! 2001! 5:23 am pdt I don’t need doctors 🥼 I don’t want a pacemaker or a new heart ♥️. 5:24 am pdt don’t touch me! 5:24 am pdt

5:37 am pdt I don’t want to be in your world 🌎 incubus. You are gross. 5:38 am pdt

12:43 pmpdt Q, Amar Malek, and Incubus are gross and married to each other. I cannot believe anymore that he would put his real life thru this. Only a whore he wants to get rid of who he used. (Left eye 👁 ball pain 😖😭 12:45 pmpdt he’s a user and abuser, they all are. 12:46 pmpdt)

12:48 pmpdt I typed WIFE not life. But that makes sense, too.

12:49 pmpdt posting failed

12:53 pmpdt my cousin Jeremy was already a cop 👮‍♂️ when I was 7 years old. That’s how long ago they already planned for me to be a sacrifice. Probably even longer. 12:54 pmpdt

12:54 pmpdt posting failed. But that probably doesn’t matter to anyone. 12:55 pmpdt posting failed. They probably planned it b4 he was born. Probably b4 my dad or uncle was born. 12:56 pmpdt I didn’t know (teeth pain 😖😭 12:57 pmpdt) them well but they seemed like nice people to me. But I guess I have been mislead into thinking the wrong stuff and kept dumb. 12:58 pmpdt I don’t appreciate the pain of my life. I appreciate some of the people I was able to spend a relatively short time with. And then my feeling change after writing that. He can change hearts ♥️ he gave signs 🪧 of. They are telling me that the appreciation I felt is fake. 1:01 pmpdt it feels like that could be the truth. They really are coordinated in using their magic 🪄 which things to withhold so I can’t remember fully what the appreciation felt like and make me think it was fake but if it was feeling that way at all b4 wouldn’t I have mentioned it? Possibly. But I think 💭 I need to give them the benefit of the doubt on that 😞🥵 my head left side 1:03 pmpdt acid feelings pain tongue 👅 1:04 pmpdt they won’t let up 🆙 on the acid. They already ate a lot of flesh with it. 1:04 pmpdt I guess I didn’t realize what he’s been threatening everyone then this whole time? Although I remember some of them seemed to hate me even though I never met them b4 that I could recall.. it’s like they took pleasure in showing me they hated me by making me feel pain, or looking at me and talking around me in a tone expressing that. 1:08 pmpdt

2:37 pmpdt 2000 years after Jesus Christ they still like to make babies born only to be isolated and tortured? Hypothesis. Jesus (gum scratch pain 2:39 pmpdt) Jesus -> y (left hip bone crunching pain 2:40 was fast and made me suddenly yell/scream 😖😭) yeshua -> hosanna/hoshiana -> yasha/inuyasha/shakugan no Shana/Susanna & Daniel. /chavah/Ava/eve. I should have low expectations by now. 😓😰😱 that nothing I saw 👀 (<- I don’t remember putting this here 😰) say will win my freedom from this pain and torture. 2:45 pmpdt I spent one summer addicted to the sims wishing I could easily accomplish reading 📖 textbooks and learn to do things like fix things myself. I once made a sim couple to represent me and middle school 🏫 classmate with middle name David. When I saw 👀 the place in south San Jose blossom hill I suggested to mom to get that place Bcz it was near the high school 🏫 he transferred to, pioneer. He told me himself that’s where he was going and a another former friend who transferred there confirmed it later after I moved. 2:52 pmpdt 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😖😭💀😫😖😭 diarrhea???? 2:53 pmpdt I never saw him around. I called once a year on his birthday 🥳 and he took my calls 2or 3 times but barely said anything. 2:54 pmpdt I guess he was reluctantly taking my calls. 2:55 pmpdt last night on nbc there was a murder/suicide case titled behind door 🚪 813. The guy he died of a gun shot wound from his own gun moved near the kung fu 🥋 school 🏫 his girlfriend went to. Makes me think 🤔 that maybe he was obsessed with her enough to move close to her in that way. What I understand is martial arts 🥋 is for self defense. 2:58 pmpdt 😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤🥵🥵😤🥵🥵😤

3:15 pmpdt bcz I saw 👀 Nick V./B. In my English and algebra i class I slowly switched my interests to him but still thought 💭 about middle name David guy, and I still wanted (left jaw bone 🦴 pain. Feeling pressure in left hip bone 🦴 again 😞) to go to the high school 🏫 I started going to freshman year. 3:18 pmpdt I feel like I’m telling all this and it’s futile. 3:19 pmpdt in the end it doesn’t even matter 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎸🎧. I graduated from there, school 🏫 with big red “W” like Liza’s college. Recently they changed it to a different colored W? 3:21 pmpdt 😖😭

I asked “Brendan” brain 🧠 pain and hot 🥵 is that acid???? 😫😖😭 I think it is - he did it more with sandpaper-like feel. Which college he wanted to go to Bcz I suddenly had a fantasy of meeting him at college, or I thought it was smarter, even though that’s probably dumb too. 😞 he said 3 colleges and I showed the college websites to my sister: cooper union, parsons, & Pratt. I saw 👀 some pictures on Instagram that showed she went to parsons for fashion design. 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤 it probably doesn’t matter if I say this, unless someone will come forward and confirm that this is what was said back in 2001. Maybe 🤔 if all 3 was their choices who I’m not related to. 3:28 pmpdt everyone seems to like to mess with me and they seem to justify the torture. So it’s probably futile again that I write ✍️ this. 3:29 pmpdt

3:59 pmpdt I guess I am wrong about rape then. I guess he is justified to do what he wants. How can I justify it if I am truly a horrible person underneath it all and didn’t do much my whole life? I shouldhave been a better driver. I stopped driving essentially in 2015. And then I tried again in 2017/2018 Bcz of the incubus. 😖😭😞 I don’t think 💭 I’m a good person anymore. What can I do if he’s right? 4:03 pmpdt I don’t have faith in myself anymore. 😞 😖teeth🦷 😭 4:04 pmpdt I feel and think things I wish I brain 🧠 skull 💀 pain hot 🥵 4:05 pmpdt that I wish I did not. 4:05 pmpdt if that’s the truth then people will justify torturing me and leaving me behind on earth 🌍 4:06 pmpdt 😞 that means I’m dying 😵 here if I remain on earth 🌍. 4:07 pmpdt the ocean 🌊 is depleted and he could drop asteroids ☄️? Would that be enough? Butt it seems like he’s not. I wouldn’t want to be here when stuff is already running out. 4:08 pmpdt 😰😱🥵😖😭 brain 🧠 skull ☠️ 4:09 pmpdt it seems that the most rational would be to go to another planet 🌎 or kill half of the population at one time. 😱😰 4:10 pmpdt I guess I’m going to have a sudden death ☠️ soon 🔜. 4:10 pmpdt how slow I am to realize things 😱😰😓😖😭😫 right jaw bone 🦴 pain 4:11 pmpdt

4:13 pmpdt if they leave, I guess those planes ✈️ are the new ark of the covenant???? 4:14 pmpdt I know very little I still have a lot of reading 📖 and research 🔬 research 🧐 to do. 4:15 pmpdt (acid throat pain 😫😖😭👀🥺 acid mouth 👄 4:16 pmpdt

4:35 pmpdt Liza levine_ originally had the parson school 🏫 pics I think 💭 in her highlights. After I saw 👀 it last year? she took it down/out. 4:36 pmpdt

4:38 pmpdt minute ago felt spiky pain back of brain 🧠 after feeling sandpaper-like hot acid pain in/in back topish of 🧠 brain. They lied 🤥 to me. This is obviously murder. I guess they want us to believe a lie so they can do whatever they want to us. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they are justified Bcz they hold a lot of power to manipulate things. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they are racist to Asians. I don’t know why there is racism against Asians. And then I remembered Scott’s birthday 🥳 which he liked to say “Pearl Harbor.” If the apocalypse was written 2000 years ago with whore and pearls, was it manipulated then? Was it on gods’ commands? How to predict something to happen ≈2000 years before? Games/fake outs. Nihon = Japan 🇯🇵 ni = 2 hon = book 📚. Bi/di = 2 Greek? 4:45 pmpdt games/fake outs acid throat pain. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s true. Why would I be motivated to feel this emotion and think 🤔 these thoughts 💭? God can trigger feelings of love 💕 and understand of math 🧮, and acceptance of rules/culture that in reality wouldn’t make sense. 4:47 pmpdt what am I suppose to do 😫😖😭 acid brain 🧠 pain. What’s true? Sacrifice? I don’t matter Bcz there are probably 100 more doppelgängers???? 4:48 pmpdt sharp long needle 🪡 feeling stab pain groin near left hip. 4:48 pmpdt I need to read about Pearl Harbor now. I’ve been neglecting it...😞😖😭teeth 🦷 there’s no fake out to be made if he’s eating my brain 🧠 with acid but it seemed like he bought time with me thinking 💭 that this was ok 👌 but it’s NOT. This is his true intention. Nothing special is going to happen for me. It’s futile for me to write anymore. There’s nothing to accomplish. It’s the end of my life. 4:51 pmpdt it’s the end of Ruth’s life it’s the end of Carter’s life. We are all kidding ourselves that there is anything great to live for anymore. Carter will probably get off easy and Ruth will probably be called delusional/schizophrenic for believing he raped her. 4:53 pmpdt it’s interesting 🧐 what incubus is willing to do for him to have a good life. But he knows things I don’t. So it’s easy for him to justify his generousity. He says Nick carter is generous. Is he? 4:55 pmpdt skull 💀 pain 4:56 pmpdt there’s no reason to continue. He’s probably making me schizo, too to cover up 🆙 what I experienced/believed. 4:57 pmpdt they’re bros. Justified. Nothing I can do about it. 4:57 pmpdt

4:58 pmpdt acid throat pain. Surprise to me ⬆️ reminder: Scott likes to watch the history channel. 4:59 pmpdt

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