#he wants me to call him the punmaster

[mama-qwerty]

My husband thinks he's hilarious.

He's been making non-stop elephant puns, based on my latest little story.

This morning I wake up to this:

Callie stood in front of Mammoth Mogul's desk with her bag slung across her body like a bandoleer and what she hoped looked like a self-assured smile pasted across her lips. In fact, she was terrified.

She’d made it this far but now she faced the final boss. Quite literally, in fact.

Mammoth looked at her from across his desk giving her a look that was part amused, part annoyed. To be honest, it was somewhat difficult for Callie to determine with his elephantine features providing an effective mask.

“So,” he said calmly, “You think you can just stampede through my office and threaten me?”

“Oh, I’m not threatening you,” Callie said. “I’m promising you. Let my boy go and stay out of our lives forever or I promise you a world of trouble.”

He chuckled. “You got guts, I’ll give you that. But I don’t think you realize what a woolly situation you’ve gotten yourself into. You think you’re going to just poach my best fighter and go about your merry way and I’ll just forget this whole thing.” He leaned forward in his chair, “I never forget!”

Callie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the elephant pun.

Mogul continued, “I didn’t get where I am today by letting people walk all over me. When I was a boy growing up in Tusk-any I was nothin’. I worked for peanuts. But I showed Ivory-one. I packed my trunk and headed for the big time and today I’m a big man. I’m the ringmaster of this circus.”

Her teeth ground. Callie wasn’t sure whether she could take many more of these stupid elephant puns.

“But all of this is just grazing the subject,” he said. “Let’s address the elephant in the room. Knuckles makes me money. Lots of money. Let me just show you the numbers.” He turned to his computer at the side of his desk, then let out a loud, fearful trumpeting for just a moment. Regaining his composure quickly he said, “Please forgive the outburst. The computer mouse always startles me. Honestly, I don’t even know why I keep the thing around.”

“Stop!” Callie shouted, unable to hold her tongue any longer. “Just stop! No more stupid elephant puns!”

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

~~~

Guys I'm gonna need an alibi because if he keeps this up I may straight up murder him.

[lavenderstratosphere]

Going off

ALRIGHT Y’ALL I AM FUCKING READY TO GO OFF ABOUT MY FUCKING ROOMMATE. LET’S SEE, WHERE DO I MOTHERFUCKING BEGIN??

AT THE START OF THE YEAR I THOUGHT SHE WAS COOL AND WHAT NOT, BUT I QUICKLY FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS HORNY AS FUCK AND CONSTANTLY COMPLAINED ABOUT THE LACK OF CUTE GUYS AROUND

BITCH WE ARE AT A WOMEN’S COLLEGE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT???!!!

ON TOP OF THAT, SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS ABOUT SEX WITH PENIS LIKE YEAH, I KNOW YOUR DAD NEVER LET YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND BUT CAN YOU PUT A FUCKING LID ON IT?? I AM GAY! I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL OF PENIS!! WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TELLING ME ABOUT IT???!!!

SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS IN OUR CLASSES (we have 2 classes together) AND MAKES COMMENTS AND I AM READY TO PUT FUCKING DUCT TAPE OVER HER MOUTH. SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS ABOUT HER ALGERIAN FAMILY OVER AND OVER AND OVER, RESTATING FACTS WE ALREADY KNOW SHE TOLD US, AND BRAGGING ABOUT HOW ‘EXOTIC’ HER BLOOD IS.

SHE SEEMED COOL ABOUT LGBT AND SEEMED LIKE A GOOD ALLY, BUT I FOUND OUT SHE FETISHIZES GAY COUPLES AND COMPLETELY LOSES IT WHENEVER TWO GUYS KISS IN A TV SHOW LIKE ‘OMG THEY’RE SO HOT TOGETHEEEEEEER!!!!!’ LIKE BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT FETISHY BULLSHIT. ONE TIME I ASKED IF SHE WOULD READ SOME FANFICTION I WROTE TO PROOFREAD IT. AS SOON AS SHE SAW IT WAS LESBIAN-CENTRIC, SHE WRINKLED HER NOSE AND WAS LIKE ‘yeah... lesbian fanfiction doesn’t really get me going... I like fan fiction with gay guys more...’ WTF

WHEN SHE WAS HELPING OUT WITH A THEATRE THING (I wasn’t there, but I heard about it from my gf), SHE KEPT TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT A VISITING PROFESSOR WAS, TO THE POINT WHERE SOMEBODY HAD TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT AND TELL HER TO STOP. ALSO, SHE TRIED TO TALK OVER A GIRL WHO HAD WORKED AT THE THEATRE FOR 3 YEARS AND WHEN SOMEONE TRIED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT, SHE WAS LIKE ‘Well, you just say that because you’re white’ WHO GAVE YOU THE MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT???!!!

SHE DOES THIS KNOW-IT-ALL THING WHERE SHE CONSTANTLY CORRECTS MY KNOWLEDGE ON THINGS EVEN IF SHE KNOWS JACKSHIT ABOUT THEM AND SHE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE EVEN MORE OF AN IDIOT THAN I ALREADY AM AND ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL BAD ABOUT IT 

WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO HEAT UP CANNED FUCKING SOUP!!!!! LIKE YOU DON’T PUT THE FUCKING TIN CAN IN THE MICROWAVE UNLESS YOU WANT ANOTHER GODDAMN FIRE IN OUR DORM FOR THE 111111TH TIME!!!

ALSO, WHEN OUR FRIEND WAS SICK WITH MONO, SHE WAS TRYING TO SIMULTANEOUSLY CONTROL EVERYTHING THE FRIEND DID, LIKE WHERE SHE WENT AND WHAT MEDICINE SHE TOOK WHILE ALSO ACTING LIKE IT WAS A FUCKING EBOLA VIRUS AND NOT WANTING TO GET ANYWHERE NEAR HER! SHE DOUSED HERSELF IN PURELL WHEN SHE GOT BACK FROM OUR FRIENDS ROOM!!!

SHE IS COMPLETELY UNHEEDING OF THE BOUNDARIES OF OTHER STUDENTS. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’S A TRANS BOY ON OUR CAMPUS WHO ISN’T OUT TO EVERYONE (especially not his parents) AND SHE FEELS IT’S APPROPRIATE TO CALL HIM BY HIS PREFERRED NAME AND PRONOUNS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW, ESSENTIALLY OUTTING HIM! AND WHEN HE TRIED TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT SHE WAS LIKE ‘well, I didn’t know! You can’t expect me to know who you’re out to or not! :(((’

SHE ALSO MAKES COMMENTS ABOUT MY BODY LIKE ‘Damn, you got some porn tits ;))) Do you shave there ;))) I don’t ;)))’ LIKE PLEASE STOP??? ALSO I DON’T CARE IF YOU SHAVE OR NOT????? WHY DO YOU CARE IF I DO??? I’M NOT PLANNING ON GOING INTO PORN, SO STOP SAYING I HAVE PORNO BOOBS???

FINALLY, SHE ASKS REALLY INVASIVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ME AND MY GF. AT ONE POINT SHE ASKED ‘Has Avery seen your tits yet ;)’

FIRST OFF: NONE OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS

SECOND: MY GF IS ASEXUAL AND YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT. I DON’T CARE IF WE NEVER HAVE SEX! I’M DATING HER FOR HER, NOT FOR PUSSY.

THIRD: WHY DO YOU CARE????

FOURTH: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW I GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE YOU DID LIKE IT’S A COMPETITION. IT’S NOT!

FIFTH: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND WITH HER VS YOU. SHE IS MY GF AND SHE’S FUNNY, A PUNMASTER, ADORABLE, NERDY, SHE LISTENS TO ME WITHOUT TURNING EVERYTHING INTO SOME SORT OF NARCISSISTIC SADSACK COMPETITION BS LIKE YOU DO, AND SHE’S MORE CHILL THAN YOU EVER WILL BE, SO OF COURSE I’M GOING TO SPEND A TON OF TIME WITH HER!!! 

I know that I could probably request a room change, but that feels rude towards her and also costs money. Even though I just wrote all this, irl, I try not to be rude to her.

Whew, I think that’s everything. Feels good to get that off my chest. 

[peremadeleine]

The Empathetic Dog Thief, Episode 1

Alternative titles: “Will: Deer Hunter and Dog Dad,” “Crimes Against Costuming,” “What Year Is It: A Crime Drama”

Armed with a gin & tonic and one sleepy cat, I finally gave the NBC show another shot.

I didn’t know Will had a superpower. Cool...?

How come he’s play-acting the murderer, though? Just because he can think like a killer doesn’t mean he needs to be reenacting it himself. That’s just confusing for the audience?? The way they did it in the Red Dragon movie was still effective without coming off as “aw, Will’s playing serial killer”

“This is my design” what

Plaid shirt and striped tie, truly a costuming sin. I didn’t love Will’s “modern wild west” costume vibes in Red Dragon, but it was better than this.

Don’t pretend that Jack and Will don’t know each other. Hate that.

Do look forward to hearing how many different ways people can pronounce “Graham” though.

Oh boy, why does Crawford push Will’s glasses up on his face while murmuring “hey” softly like a lover?? They’re strangers. That was mighty uncomfortable.

is he just assuming Will is on the spectrum? Right after they met???

and then Will confirms, but wait, he just has an “active imagination”?

STAY IN YOUR LANE

at least in canon Crawford doesn’t take advantage of people on the gd spectrum, and he spins it as being for the good of the victims. jfc.

“based on the characters by Thomas Harris”

Of course all the victims in the first episode are going to be women

“it’s not about all of these girls, it’s about one of them”--seven minutes in and they’re already ripping off Silence.

“he’s like Willy Wonka. every girl he takes is a candy bar.” no. nO.

“I mean, I would. Wouldn’t you?” no Will, Crawford’s a douchebag, not a murderous psychopath.

8 minutes in, me: WHERE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER THIS IS B O R I N G

“Why is it now a crime scene?” Because Will says so and he’s his own forensic team, apparently. Next question.

Also apparently he only owns red plaid-print shirts. Huh.

Lol Will has empathy for everyone but a grieving father confronted with his daughter’s dead body???

I don’t like the way Crawford is speaking to Will one bit. It’s supposed to be sensitive, but it comes off as condescending and mollycoddling. Ew. That is SO not Jack Crawford.

"You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity"?!?

so Will IS his own forensic team. Weird flex, but okay.

Antler velvet. Christ, HERE WE GO.

“You not real FBI?” Rip-off of Silence #2!

“You unstable?” Stop coming at Will, Jesus!

Will is a serial dognapper. SIX DOGS. Maybe, maybe, people in this neighborhood are missing their gd dogs, you monster.

none of them are even UGLY dogs

Will’s also drinking tho. One point for Gryffindor.

Oh, another plaid shirt. At least this one’s got a nice pattern. And isn’t red.

The bathroom is painted red, tho. What is it with Fuller and red walls?

Hugh Dancy’s American accent slips when he tries to like...emote. Yikes.

Strangulation is neither quick nor merciful.

A forensic specialist who wears her long-ass dark hair loose down her back and shoulders in the lab should be FIRED.

Implied “we covet what we see every day” scene: Silence Rip-Off #3

nineteen minutes in, me: W H E R E  I S  H A N N I B A L this is false marketing

Okay, I actually kind of like the “okay, I can cover him 80%” scene. Crawford’s real good at fucking up people’s lives in order to save lives.

twenty-one minutes in, me: HANNIBAL’S HERE THANK CHRIST

will probably regret this thought later

it’s okay, Hans. I, too, hate the career choices that have led me to this point.

the fact that he has tissues by HIS chair in his office is fuckin’ hilarious, what a douche, I love him

same, tho

The costumes and sets and cars are all screaming 70s/80s. But smartphones!

I’m watching this pretty late so my volume is a bit low and I cannot understand 70% of Hannibal’s dialogue, uh oh

Hannibal is supposed to be short so I don’t think this little “oh Crawford confused the short weepy patient with Hannibal” bit is that cute...I’ve always felt like Mads was poorly cast for that reason, among others. Oh well.

I take it all back:

HIS FACE

“No secretary?” “She was predisposed to romantic whims.” Not sure whether I like this line because Hannibal’s the one acting on whimsy or if it makes me cringe because of the way they’re dismissing Hannibal’s former secretary. Hmm.

“Are these yours, doctor?” a) Duh and b) Silence Rip-Off #4

Why the fuck does Crawford think he can just examine Hannibal’s papers? Like?????????

no wonder he hates your rude ass, Jack

HANNIBAL WHY IS WOUND MAN LYING ON YOUR DESK YOU PRECIOUS IDIOT

“Very interesting, even for a layman” Wow, unexpected Red Dragon rip-off (by the Red Dragon adaptation) #1

this whole scene is made of cringe HELP

why is Hannibal dressed in his Easter Sunday suit

Tattlecrimes.com. I’M SPEECHLESS at the stupidity of that.

tabloids are, in fact, still a thing in the Year of Our Lord 2013

No way is Hannibal fucking Lecter going to drink the swill that probably is Jack Crawford’s coffee, as if.

“Not fond of eye contact, are you?” Yes, Hannibal is the only character who should be canonically coming at anyone like this. (But also poor Will.)

But Will, at least look in his direction while he’s talking to you? I also don’t love eye contact...it’s rude not to even look at a person, though.

Hannibal finally used a contraction! He’s human after all. (This is a common Fanfic-Writing-of-Hannibal problem. I used to have it, too. You think to emulate him you have to write lofty, staid dialogue. But we’re talking about Hannibal the Punmaster General here.)

“This cannibal you have him getting to know” I’m sorry, who said anything about cannibals???

Stop incriminating yourself Hannibal honestly

Wait, is the implication that the victim whose lungs were taken is Hannibal’s? I hope not, because what would he be doing in Minnesota, and since when did Hannibal cut people up alive (Krendler notwithstanding--he’s a special case), especially women????? He’s a Monster(TM), but not a fucking sadist.

Will’s wardrobe also contains gingham!

no really, when did they determine that the serial killer was a cannibal?? did I sleep through that part?

“have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile” bitch, please. Dr. Lecter doesn’t work for Crawford.

I don’t like hearing/watching people eat, especially in quiet moments. That’s going to become a problem in this show, isn’t it?

Will’s dream dear is fucking awful CGI. Wow.

That brown blazer--Hannibal would never.

EVERYTHING about Hannibal that should be black--his clothes and his hair--is brown here. It’s...weird.

to quote @random-emerald-thoughts​, “my homocidal boy aint about that tawny bullshit”

Hannibal Lecter: food snob--that’s canon. 

Don’t like this dialogue, though. And Hannibal bringing anyone he just met food in glorified Tupperware rings very false.

“Uncle Jack” what the fuck

Wow, Fuller jumped directly into the teacup thing right from the start. Yikes. He clearly didn’t understand it. (Clarice isn’t the teacup, bro. The teacup represents time, and disorder, and will it ever be reversed?)

Lots of weird metaphors in this episode overall, though none as bad as the Willy Wonka thing.

Why is Hannibal in Minnesota? Is he a crime-scene investigator now? Is he on the FBI payroll? Doesn’t he have patients with appointments to keep? Social obligations? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

He’s not a priss or a germaphobe. DISLIKE.

Do like the phone call. Just fuckin’ carelessly with people’s lives for the fun of it, that’s our Hannibal.

FBI? Are you FBI, Will?

He shouldn’t have been issued that sidearm if he can’t hold it steady.

One shot would have been plenty. Maybe two. Jfc, the reason Clarice shot Gumb so many times was because he was going to shoot her. Hobbs had a knife, which he dropped, and he was incapacitated by the first/second shot. Silence Rip-Off #5

How the fuck is he still alive and talking?! Will plugged him about eight times!

Call the police, Hannibal, or the ambulance, or take off your jacket and provide first aid to this girl. You’re a doctor!

It really is like he wants to be arrested or something.

And then he gets to ride in the ambulance?? Just Because?

Overall, it was...not very good, imo, poorly paced, very poorly written, with acting that jumped wildly from “very good” to “awful,” sometimes from the same actors. Intense cringe throughout a lot of the script. Ripped off Silence of the Lambs, a superior movie about many of the same characters, way too many times. Will is boring and I don’t care about him, but then I also don’t care about canon Will. And I still think Mads Mikkelsen was poorly cast as Hannibal...the costumes aren’t doing him any favors, either. We’ll see if he can bring me around.

Some moments of genuine humor that I appreciated, though, and some nods to the canon that I grudgingly appreciated, too, including Hannibal being a dick and Jack Crawford fucking up people’s lives.

Hopefully if you made it this far into my observations you got a kick out of them. I probably won’t go into this much detail for every episode, but I do intend to try to watch at least all of Season 1.

Painful as it might be.

[fueledbysprite]

"In your opinion what is the height of stupidity" with marichat please

agh it’s taking me forever but i’m gradually getting through these…

“In your opinion what is the height of stupidity?”

Marinette didn’t even look up from her desk.

“Honestly? Leaving my bedroom window open so that it might provide easy access for late night visitors whose sole purpose is to make sure I don’t accomplish whatever I’m trying to do,” she answered.

Chat blinked, not having expected such a fast response.

“Um, okay…?”

Marinette spun around in her chair to face him.

“What do you want, Chat? Like, seriously, it’s five minutes to midnight and I really need to get this design finished,” she said.

“I only wanted some company on a lonesome night such as tonight,” he told her. “It gets boring patrolling all by myself.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at his non-serious tone.

“If you don’t mind, Chat, I actually really need to focus tonight. Come bother me some other time,” she all but snapped, and he stepped back in surprise.

“Sorry,” she mumbled after his reaction, softening. “I’m so tired and I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in like forever…” She paused to yawn and stretch her arms.

“Why, you’ve been staying up working on projects every night?” Chat asked in concern.

“Something like that, sure…” she shrugged, suppressing another yawn. She picked up her pencil and continued her drawing.

While she tried to restore her focus, Chat walked forward right up to her desk, reached forward, and snapped off her desk light. The room plunged into darkness until the little brightness of the moon outside was finally made visible once their eyes adjusted. Marinette glared at him in the dark.

“I left the window open because it’s ridiculously hot tonight, not so you could interrupt my work,” she informed him.

“Sleep,” he directed her firmly, ignoring her last words.

“I can’t, Chat, I told you, I need this done by morning,” she protested, groping around for the desk light switch. She paused when a rougher surface wrapped around her arm, stopping her.

“Sleep,” he repeated. “Your health comes first, everything else can come later. If I catch you awake past eleven again-”

“That doesn’t sound stalkery at all…” He could hear her rolling her eyes. “Besides, that would involve you losing a lot of sleep, too.”

“I get enough,” he assured her.

“Sure you do…” She was rolling her eyes again. “I mean, it’s not like you’re up until at least midnight half the week for superhero duties or anything…”

“So you’ve been keeping track of my schedule, then, too,” Chat noted thoughtfully.

“Well of course I have!” Marinette bit back in defense. “Cause you’re here every other night for ‘company’!”

Chat shrugged in a ‘fair enough’ gesture of surrender.

“Just sleep,” he sighed. “Please, for me?”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at him again.

“For you?” she asked skeptically.

“For every night that you promise me you’ll sleep properly, I won’t come and bother you while I’m supposed to be on patrol - promise,” he told her.

Marinette thought over it for a moment.

“Hmm….fine. I’ll go to sleep if you go actually do your job,” she gave in, ushering him out the window. Chat stalled, heels digging into the floor as she pushed him towards the way he had come.

“Also, uh, I know it sounds weird, but if, uh, Ladybug found out I’ve been visiting you, well…just don’t tell her, okay? I mean, you seem to be in some kind of contact with her…you know what, nevermind. Uh, I’ll see ya!” he called back, waving as he reached the window with Marinette’s ‘assistance’ and stepped out to leave.

“Good night,” Marinette responded very quickly, slamming the window shut and reluctantly shuffling up the steps to bed. “And you can bet your tight, black leather suit that Ladybug won’t be happy about you ditching patrol,” she muttered under her breath once she had settled under the covers.

With the anxiety of the deadline hanging over her head, Marinette could barely force herself to calm down enough to fall asleep. Miraculously, the moment she caught a glimpse of a leather belt swooping over her skylight, her body caved in and she immediately fell asleep in her body’s reflex to avoid the consequences otherwise.

In the long run, between getting sufficient sleep and late-night visits with an annoying self-crowned punmaster and meme king, the decision was practically a no-brainer.

Which is how she ended up becoming part-time therapist to a blond boy in a cat costume within a matter of weeks.

[coatlscoatlseverywhere]

Hi there!

Happy birthday!

I just turned 24 as of March 22nd!

I am also a lover of Spirals, I have a ton of em'!

Feel free to look at my lair for spookies!

Firstly, my clan Matriarch Miki!

She's my custom progen, I made her pink and light blue- she was a Mirror, could've looked good as a Tun!

She handles the major stuff in the clan, but is also a punmaster!

She's the only one who can make her mate Shadowing laugh his scales off!

She likes to strut around in new outfits, letting everyone know she's a boss!

She's almost never upset, if you see her upset, then something is truly wrong!

She can flip her goofyness off like a switch in dire straits, and she knows when to knock it off.

She is also OBSESSED with cats, and once tried to steal Tigressa's Velvet Floracat, but it failed! (She's in my den if you wanna see her, she's a blue PC with Thylacine.), I removed the Floracat so that I could bond with it.

Next is Eleveld, a gal I bought at level 25 on the AH-that was her name when I bought her.

I needed a level 25 Arcane for a Mire Flyer, and lucked out that she was the only level 25 Arcane for sale!

Now she trains fodder and those that need to be trained for lore reasons.

I also love shades of blue, so that's a plus!

Next up is Ajavish!

Bought him off of Discord from someone desperately needing lair space.

He's pink so he caught my eye!

I don't have lore or a set outfit/skin, so I got a picture with his skin/aparrel, and a pic without anything.

As of now I made him a temporary Shadow embassador, as his eyes look great with this skin/apparel.

Next is Princess!

I had a very successful nest with Ajavish and her!

All her kids sold, and to my knowledge have not been exalted yet!

I bought her from Discord as well, or was it on here?

Again, bought her because she's pink!

Though I didn't realize she was a double until I started looking!

Pearl I think!

Normally I don't like gembond, but she's rocking it!

*Disclaimer* None of the outfits are really permanent.

I change my mind on a whim, which is funny because that's a thing windies are known for, and I'm in Wind!

Now Aila here is one of my favorites!

My Windsinger is she pretty!

She's another double, Copper!

Not only is she gorgeous, but she would be an excellent member of one of my favorite subspecies if she was breedchanged into a Wildclaw!

(Viviwren's Crows, she's in Plague!)

Copper and Tarnish are coveted in her subspecies, double copper is most likely even better!

She came named, but it suits her, so I don't wanna change it!

This is Tilota- Tilly for short!

I recently made her kinda spooky lorewise!

She was another lair rescue from Discord!

My clan lives in a stretch of caves in the Reedcleft Ascent. (really the Twisting Crescendo, but I don't know if there's caves there!) There are many of caves that share space with the lair. Miki doesn't want dergs getting lost, wheather they be old, young, blind, or just have an adventurous streak, they all need a guide to navigate.

This is where Tilly comes in.

She leads those who want to explore around, and then back to the safety of the lair.

The only wailing Miki wants to hear is the wind outside, not the lamenting of ghosts of dergs who lost their way in the labyrinth of caves!

She has candles, but I suppose since I just noticed she's of the Lightning flight, she could have electric lanterns- I just got one in a chest on Easter, may see how it looks later if I don't get distracted!

"Squirrel!" 🤪

Next up is one of my newer Spirals, Zylit!

He came with that name.

Wasn't sure on it at first, even asking for a complementary scroll of renaming for him.

The name's kinda grown on me!

Anywho, he could also be a member of a subspecies, this time an offshoot of Crows called Starshrikes by Abberan- I think he's Lightning, not sure!

He just needs a WC scroll and Bob's your uncle he's a Shrike!

I like him as a Spiral though!

I also bought him to breed with my Naomi decendant, as they make pretty kids, and Naomi decendants usually fetch a good price, since I ALWAYS have projects that need stuff!

He's from Arcani/Munchcatto's joint hatchery.

Something about Rainbows/dreams?

I can't look right now as it's rollover.

You could probably find it in their bios when rollover is finished.

OK, I literally just bought her yesterday (4-15-2020), I have not have time yet to either memorize her current name, nor give her a new one.

Bought her because she's the same exact colors of one of my Arcane boys, and would make a good breeding pair when she's off of cooldown.

Bought her off Facebook!

She has another Spiral male sibling, and a female Imp sibling if you're interested!

Say howdy to Lillie!

She's my hatchery mascot/hachling wrangler, hence the cowboy hat!

It fits her like a glove, Spirals having boundless energy and all!

The hatchlings often get tired waaay before she does- just one of the perks!

I had the adorable idea of her letting them climb on her back- which as you can see is all soft and feathery, and taking a ride on her, screaming in pure exhilaration!

She holds a special place in my heart as she was one of the first that I hatched!

I exalted her father, but her mother's still kicking- albeit gene changed a bit!

(At first I was fine with RoseMellon's genes, and was using her for fodder breeding, but I scried her for the hell of it one day, and fell in love, so she stays here with her daughter!)

Lillie and her father I had entered in Mistjam dress up games- neither ever won, but I had fun- despite having no fashion sense whatsoever! 😅

I could change her genes if I wanted, but she's adorable!

Awww!

10 image limit!

Don't know if you're online, but I'll get the rest out in a reblog in a sec!

Izz my Birthday

23 years confined to this wretched existence. If anyone wants to send anything my way, here’s a lil wishlist ordered from expensive to not.

- eggs

- scrolls (skydancer, spiral, slime, skink are the big ones rn)

- asks about my dragons or my lore! im very much down for continuing my aesthetic meme if that interests anyone or just straight up answering questions!

- show ME your dragons! I love spirals and spooky creatures! I will gush over your beauties as celebration of my birth! 

[sephythespooky]

Library Cards (a reader/sans fic) Part 3

((we meet classic sans finally.))

(first/previous/next)

You followed Toriel’s car (a cute convertible Mustang in a sweet soft pink) into the housing edition that monsters had built for themselves almost overnight. Surface Home was actually the most peaceful neighborhood in all of Ebbot City, and you were so excited to be here. The monsters were so friendly, waving at Toriel as she drove by and giving you nervous but hopeful smiles when you got out in front of her soft purple ranch-style house.

“I will be attempting to make a pizza tonight, so I do hope you don’t mind a bit of a wait for dinner, my child,” Toriel murmured as the two of you walked down the driveway toward the door. There were two other cars parked there as well, one bright red convertible (a corvette maybe?) and some large black suv type. “Is there anything I should be aware of before I meet them face to face, Ms. Toriel? Any triggers or subjects to avoid?”

“Oh,” the large monster thought for a moment as she put her hand to the door, “Well, please be aware that Alphys has a very bad stutter when she is nervous. She is a yellow reptilian monster, and her wife will be very protective of her if you upset her too much. But you are kind, and if you speak about science, or ah….what is that word again?” Toriel has to think for a minute before she comes to it, “Anime! That’s it. Alphys loves the human cartoons known as anime, as does her wife, Undyne. They’ll both instantly feel better about you if you know of it or ask about it.”

This encourages you, “Oh I love anime! I wonder if we have any favorites in common…”

“I’m sure you will.” She chuckles and opens the door. “Everyone!” she calls into the living room you can see past her arm, “this is _____, our new librarian at the school.”

“THE ONE WHO IS MOVING INTO OUR COOL GUEST SHED?” says a loud voice from someone you can’t see. You do see who you guess to be Alphys and her wife (?) on the couch against the far wall.

“yes, Papyrus.” Toriel steps fully into the much-larger-than-human sized door and nudges you forward with her paw gently. You notice Frisk on the floor in front of Alphys and Undyne, who gets up and signs a happy hello to you. You sign thank you (one of the few signs you know by heart) and the blue fish lady you’re calling Undyne calls to you, “Heya, new nerd. You know signs?”

“N-not many, to be honest, but since Frisk here is going to be one of my students, I’m going to try and learn more.” You have always had a passing interest in sign language since you love all sorts of language and art, but you’ll gladly improve it now.

Frisk claps excitedly and pulls you toward the couch. There’s a Television in front of it on a table, and two green armchairs set around. The loud voice seems to have come from the farthest chair, a tall imposing skeleton standing in front of it.

“HUMAN! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND I INSIST ON BEING THE FIRST TO WELCOME YOU OFFICIALLY TO SCENIC TORIEL’S HOUSE! IT IS THE ONLY HOUSE AS GREAT AS MINE!” Papyrus holds out a red gloved hand, matching his dashing scarf, and you shake it. He nearly shakes your arm off, but it’s clear from his expression that he’s incredibly pleased to meet you.

“bro, let the lady be.” The deep voice comes from the other chair, and you look around to find it occupied by another skeleton, this one shorter and wearing a blue jacket hoodie with white fluff in the hood. “heya. my name’s sans. It’s ice to meetcha, teach. You probably guessed, but Paps is my cool brother.”

His puns make you laugh automatically. Wordplay is the best form of humor in your books.

Papyrus sighs, “BROTHER, STOP POISONING THE HUMAN.”

“dunno, bro, she seems to like it.” Sans winked at you, and you grin.

“Boys,” Toriel chides softly, “Be gentle with her. I will go make dinner. Please, all of you, get to know each other.” She goes into another room, and you take a seat on the floor with Frisk, since there doesn’t seem to be any sort of other chair in the general ‘tv’ area.

Frisk clambers into your lap, signing once they get there. Undyne translates, “The squirt says you’re a lot more comfortable to sit on than Sans. Anyway, punk, let’s talk about you. What made you want to work at a monster school?”

Oh….”Well, to be honest, Undyne, I didn’t realize it was a monster school when I took the job. But!” You have to add this quickly as everyone tenses, “That just makes this even more special. I always wanted to help, but I’ve never had a chance to even meet monsters before now. I’m so glad I saw the notice online.”

Frisk turns in your lap and hugs you. You pat their head fondly and look around, “Um…so are you all related to Toriel?”

Undyne laughs raucously and slaps her knee, “No! Goat Mom is our former queen. I was the captian of the royal guard and Paps and Sans were my sentries. Alphy was the royal scientist, and Frisky here was the human who let us all out to scare the crap out of you guys!”

Alphys blushes softly and adds, “A-anyway, since you’re f-from so far away, Toriel th-thought you’d be a perfect match for th-the skelebros. P-Papyrus loves new friends.”

“YES HUMAN!” Papyrus spread his hand over his armored chest (wait that armor is actually just some costume?!) “MY LAZY BROTHER AND I HAVE RENOVATED OUR FORMER HUMAN-CATCHING SHACK INTO A HUMAN HOUSING SHACK!” he seemed very proud of this, and you couldn’t help but feel like he was someone to protect. “IT IS A NICE LITTLE SHACK AND WE WILL BE SO HAPPY TO HAVE A NEW FRIEND! ISN’T THAT RIGHT SANS?”

“yeah bro.” Sans shrugged and you sighed. It seems the ‘accomodations’ included in the job were rooming with these two. Oh well, at least it was newly renovated.

“FRISK EVEN HELPED. THEY WOULD NOT LET ME PUT THE SINKS AS HIGH AS MINE. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WILL STORE YOUR ATTACKS WITHOUT HIGH SINKS, BUT THAT IS UP TO YOU I SUPPOSE.” The idea seemed to puzzle the tall boney man, and he sat down again to think it over.

You look at the TV just to have something to do, since you don’t know what to say, and notice it’s on the MTT channel. You kind of like Mettaton, but he’s not exactly your favorite. A little too much glitter for you.

Sans gets up and shuffles toward the kitchen in his pink slippers, “i’m gonna go help tori. you guys keep chatting.” You can’t help but stare at him as he walks away, watching his bones move. He’s a lot shorter than Papyrus, and wearing normal looking clothes instead of some weird costume, but there’s something in the way he stands that reminds you of Papyrus anyway. He also reminds you of that big red skeleton that scared you earlier. Maybe they’re distant cousins?

 Toriel’s homemade pizza is amazing, plain and simple. There is so much obvious care and affection in the dish, and the fresh ingredients made everything all the more delicious. Frisk and you have to instruct on the usual way to eat it, since nobody at the table had experienced it (except Sans and he just winked when asked how to help).

It was clear as you spent more time with the group that they did not quite trust you. You didn’t blame them, of course. You knew the way things worked when it came to monsters and humans. Monsters had magic and could do untold amounts of physical damage to a person, but they were made of love and compassion for the most part, and humans, unfortunately, were not. Killing intent and maliciousness could down a monster in one shot. Frisk liked you, and it was clear Toriel and Papyrus did as well, but Undyne and Alphys were wary, and Sans….you could tell he was not as relaxed as he seemed. You felt his eyelights boring holes into your back, and sometimes the air around him felt heavy with some sort of magical discontent, especially if you were touching or near Papyrus at all. It made you sad, honestly, since the rest of his demeanor was so friendly and open.

The night was winding down, and Toriel gave you the clear to leave, saying she’d make sure the skelebros had your ‘rooms’ ready next week when the job actually started. That would give you time to move your things in from your house. You’d already made it to your car by the time you looked up. In the rearview mirror was Sans, sitting in your back seat. You jumped, of course, and he chuckled, “Don’t be so jumpy kid, I just got a few things to say and then I’ll go.”

“What things could you not say in front of the others?” You asked, very nervous.

“Eh, I like my privacy, anyway…” he adjusted himself and closed his sockets, “I just want you to know that these people you just met are super important to me. You’re going to be living in my garage, and that’s pretty close quarters to my bro. He’s a sweetheart, honestly, and well….” His eyes opened and they were nothing but dark holes, “if you hurt him or any of my friends you’re going to have a bad time, kid.”

Something about those blank sockets shot an arrow through your heart.

“I see you get my drift. Anyway, thanks for listening. I’ll see you when you start moving in, like Wednesday? You already have my number so don’t be a stranger.” And just like that, in a blip of blue light, he was gone. You check your phone shakily and find that, yes, you do have Sans in your contacts. He must have added himself somehow, since the name is ‘punmaster’ and the picture is of himself shooting finger guns in the bathroom mirror at Toriel’s. Shaking your head, you drive back to the hotel. Geeze, how did this guy go from threatening you vaguely to making such a goofy contact in your phone?

[oxidation-corundum-archive-blog]

Two Weeks Ago...

Oxidation-Corundum turned 1.

I can’t begin to express my gratitude for anyone that’s followed, liked, or even shared my content. I’ve been working at this for a while, now: writing roleplays, growing my characters with others, having fun along the way...

All I can really say is thank you.

...

But that’s a lie, and all of us know it.

Here’s some shoutouts to a whole lotta people under the Read More.

First and foremost, @siblingfaunus. While things’ve been a little rocky as of late, I’ll never forget the kindness that you’ve shown me: you’re a fantastic writer, Ebony and Obsidian Ishikawa remain to be one of my favorite OCs that I’ve interacted with, and you truly exemplify the qualities of a true friend beyond comparison. Thank you. My only wish is that I could be half a good a friend to anyone as you are to me.

Second, @chainlightniing / @howlfortheknight / @somerichkid. I wish I could project this onto a goddamn megaphone and have it be mandatory listening for a year: follow this person. This person deserves so much. Her OCs are all fantastic, she does a stellar job of causing my heart to be torn in two GODDDAMNIT STAR making sure that the balance of power is always there in roleplaying, and while I can only do so much to help you, I wish I could do more. You’re a damn good roleplayer and an even better friend, Star. Never let yourself believe otherwise. Thank you.

@achillca / @khiicne. A wicked cultured lass, you are; you always find some way to inject your studies and passions into your roleplaying, and you truly do feel like Pyrrha in real life (and I mean that in the best way possible; seriously, if I had to give you a dollar for every time I saw you type a swear and immediately imagined Pyrrha saying said swear, your college tuition would be a thing of the past). I’m so grateful to have you as a roleplay partner and a close friend, Dev. Thank you.

@jaune-refaire-arc. You have one character, and go through the motions with that character very, very well: quality over quantity is your game, and you play it. Your Jaune is beloved by so many, as he should be; I truly feel like I’m talking to the blonde haired doofus when interacting with him, and while it’s been a while since we’ve done anything super large, I can’t wait to see what you come up with next. Thank you, Nate. Keep doing you, and never let anyone stop this beautiful train you’re riding on. #BlobjobsAllDay.

@team-lpis-livia. While we haven’t done too much, I’m always grateful for your patience: the little lightning bug you’ve raised has been nothing but a pleasure to interact with, and I eagerly await to see what adventures she goes on with CRUST and the rest. You’re nothing but a pleasure to interact with OOC when we get to talk, and I do hope things are alright! Thank you! Next we meet, I pray it’s with a smile.

@cpring / @elucive / @tubefullofcorgi. While I know you’re busy with real life stuff and you haven’t been around nearly as much as you’d like, that’s okay! I always look forward to your getting on and us talking about...whatever, really! Serious stuff, lighthearted stuff, SHIPPING SO MUCH SHIPPING, you’re nothing but good to be around! While I haven’t done much with the little maiden lass yes, I know that Ivory and Zwei are both great to interact with, and when you’ve got the time and energy to spare, I can’t wait to craft more tales with you. I’m grateful to be writing with you, grateful that you’ve stuck around. Thank you, Jess.

@xgorgaux. Over the year, I’ve seen a little bit more of Euryale; we haven’t done much, but I’ve seen you pop up in my memes now and again, and every time, I get a small smile on my face. It’s nice to be appreciated, y’know? I’ll make it up to you one day...you deserve more love. You’ve been one of the first OC blogs that’s followed me, and I regret not having done more with you sooner. Thank you, Dez; you’ve been here since nearly the very beginning, and I can’t be more grateful.

@blondiethepunmaster. We haven’t done too much in the way of actual Tumblr roleplaying, but oh MAN, Skype has a lot. When you get less busy (and I have faith that you will, one day), I can’t wait to write more with you; whether it’s the team you’ve got in your head or the punmaster I’ve known you for. Thank you, Livia. We’ll get back on beat one day, and our harmonies will resound! Keep natural, stay sharp-tongued! Music pun!

@ms-belladone. While I’ve only known you for...what, a week? I find you great company; a friend of a friend is a friend, as they say...and I’m glad to call you my friend. You’ve been nothing but loyal so far, and while I can’t pay you in gold or silver...all I have are my words. Thank you, Mitch. I wish I can say something like “Your loyalty will be rewarded with time...” or something ominous, but...well, you’ll just have to take my thanks in the meanwhile. Mi dispiace.

@aslxn. Formerly a team of RWBY’s older brothers (which I still like the ideas you had out there, by the way), now you play Arslan, a sorely underplayed character with a whole lotta gusto! I’ve yet to do too much with your writing in general, and I pray that that’ll change one day, with a bit of effort. Thank you, Lex. You’ve been here through good times and bad, and one day, I’ll repay the favor. Keep Yangin’ on.

@velvet-material / @lovlylance27. While we haven’t talked nearly as much as we have back in the early days (and I blame my own forgetfulness for that), I do miss what good times we had! Being able to write with you was a pleasure, even if I was still discovering my characters through the time we did (and even if it was just Chrom and Velvet stuff; whoops). One day, we’ll get to writing stuff for real, if things lighten up on your end. Thank you, old friend. I hope that things are well.

@jolisorciere / @cutthroatheels. Like some others, we haven’t done too much; but you’ve been busy, and life’s happened, and it’s alright! I always appreciate you comin’ back, lookin’ at our stuff, and givin’ it your all...and I also appreciate your choice of muses! Glynda and Melanie (of all characters) are super different from each other, and you play both really well! Can’t wait for when we next do things. Thank you, Penny! You’ve never nickel and dimed me out of a roleplay, and...honestly, I just wanted to make that pun. I’m sorry.

@prcdigaldaughter. You were one of the first Weisses to really interact with me, and for that, I’m eternally grateful; we struck a chord early on, and while we haven’t done anything in a long time, I’ll always appreciate what you have done for me. Thank you, Alex. You helped me become who I am; I hope our friendship will continue to burn brightly.

@teamorcd. ORCD is a super fleshed out team of four that I found through, if I recall correctly, basically blind luck? For once, something goes my way: I found a friend, a great roleplay partner, and four characters that I will hold in my heart for quite some time. Thank you, Sabi. Your OCs are always a delight to be around, and I look forward to doing more with them (and you)!

I also want to give a bunch of shoutouts to people that support me or have been interested in my roleplays, or people I’ve even just met, so...here we go.

@velveteen-faunus (AND ALL YOUR OTHER BLOGS, HOLY HELL), @acoupleofbravedorks, @littlesuncat, @like-a-hummingbird, @vi-helleborus, @rujiba / @silvcrclawed, @drroisin, @teamarscandfriends, @fightqueen18, @iironhearted / @aqucphobia, @nightmare-fantasia, @oceanxcbeauty, @criimsonwolf, @graeaegladiator, and @ask-skylark.

Finally...I want to thank one last person. I know this is going to sound self-indulgent, but...I want to thank myself.

I’ve grown. I’ve watched me change. A year ago, I didn’t have the smoothest of reception into the RWBY community...I thought my ideas were garbage because of the people I had met. But then I met all of you, who pushed me to create more and flesh things out. And through you, I began to change, too: and now, I’m starting to learn what it means to love myself. Even if it’s difficult, and I can’t always convince myself that what my depression thinks is wrong on my own...or even with help, I’m slowly and surely making progress.

Thank you, me. You’ve rode it out for a year and two weeks. You’ll make more friends, you’ll strengthen your bonds between existing ones. You’re stronger than you think you are.

And thank you, everyone. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be here; not even close. I’d still probably be telling myself my ideas aren’t worth the light of day, but you’ve all proven me wrong. You’re living proof that what I create can be recognized.

Here’s to another year. Let’s keep the tempo up.

-Samuel Kim, musician, writer, moderator for Oxidation-Corundum.