#he tics regularly because i do and i want a character that does too

[misiahasahardname]

finds character i relate to immensely, immediately starts projecting

[iconsumeheadcanons]

this is just off the top of my head, but i wanted to classify diegos stutters (like the 3 times in the show?). im studying speech lang pathology and i got a lot of speech/lang difficulties so this is a mix of my own and others experiences, but also take this with a grain of salt

this is mostly an infodump, but also a way to let fans know that there are many forms of stuttering, not just repetitions

tldr: his main stutters are frontal repetitions, blocks, and elongations

1. so ill start with the flashback before a mission where he kinda jumps from shouting ‘normally’ then stands in front of that green mirror to practice his battle catchphrase 🥺 

i cant remember what he was saying AAAAAA i just, remember the sounds in the back of my brain. in this scene he is doing a mix of repetitions (likely bc hes practicing) and elongation.

im sure yall picked up on the situational set off for diego’s stutters, so i’ll point out here that he wasnt struggling with speech until he was alone and faced himself in the mirror. i’m sure in his head he heard reginald berating him, or villains and even his siblings making fun of him. every kid in that house def experiences some form of self-loathing, and until grace came to remind him and care for him, his stutters/anxieties were strong.

diego probably had more of these stutters regularly when he little, but grace likely worked with him often until his stuttering became a sign of stress. more awareness means more frustration :(

this can be written like “I-eyeeeeeeeuh-I wuh-want that knife.” just sorta sound the words out on your own and try to write that sound until the word is complete/dropped out.

2. shutting off grace/(patch dying??) :’(((

here, he has some of his usual fronting repetitions, but here, perhaps because the pure emotional reckoning hes experiencing, he is strongly producing blocks. he has large gaps in his words and he seems to struggle to move his body regularly in these scenes(i think? oh gosh). his breath kinda dies out after each word--which is emotional distress, but can also be caused from struggling to get a fucking word out and your air just keeps going off to superhell :/

when he was younger, im sure these blocks manifested when he was trying not to cry or when hes pissed. he mightve developed blocks after repetitions and elongations had been solidified parts of his speech

writers usually get this kinda thing down with splicing the quotation marks, but i guess to empathize the speech difference you can do, “It’s gon--ing to buh-be--o-o-okuh--kay.” which is kinda excessive, but bro this is how i hear myself every single time :( find a way to mark the end of a sound block basically

3. season 2 at the dinner table

reginald performs oscar-worthy rant of a despicable pre-dad-dad and diego actually cries here so >:(((((

“yor-ye-you’re--wr-wronggggguh

obviously upset, so we can expect blocks and his usual frontal reps, so this isnt much different from number 2 (ha). i think he elongates he as well bc hes trying to talk back to reg. but i wanted to highlight the way you could see his mouth struggle and contort around the sounds he couldn’t make. this manifestation of his distress can be compared to stimming or even moving around to distract from pain, both of which are actions that can be done to metaphorically whatever bad vibes are going on.

so basically help this dude. yo KNOW reg was ableist as shit, so you can bet reggie being an ass to diego can bring out multiple stutters (and maybe even tics)  whether or not either of them want that.

to add more than just speech difficulties in writing/medium, add descriptive words and repetitive/recognizable habits associated w the stutter. maybe someone taps their fingers or waves their hands for the syllables, maybe they frown or get disappointed or try to force their mouth into a more speech productive shape. personally, i have to draw graphs in the air to sound out words with multiple consonants in a row(which is not a stutter diego seems to have). i draw a ‘v’ in the air to say “si-ix-th”, otherwise i get stuck with “si-si-suh-si-susth place”

Bonus!!: you can even add other speech difficulties like switching syllables (caterpillar->callapiter), mispronunciations (harold jenkins->gerald genkins), volume regulation (diego always gets whispery when he stutters), dropoff sounds and interjections (too many ‘uh’s and running-guh.), and many other things. this is definitely SLP heavy bc everyone does some of this when they speak, but i think at the right moments that empathsis on these traits can reveal the emotional state of the character. prolly dont do this everytime (@myself lol)

[lifeofclonewars]

I’m always obsessed with characters having little fun tics and habits and am also bored this Easter so like in beginn do you think kix walks around humming vode an under his breath, or still reflexively calls everyone sir regardless of gender, or react whenever someone calls either his number or one of torrenst members numbers.

For either funny or angst I’m picturing whoever’s visiting in beginn also joining in these habits as either a funny ghost moment or a sad kix is the only clone left and all his bros are dead

Noooo I had a full response ready and then my laptop glitched and lost it all :(

Anyway, I’m glad you asked! I’ve been meaning to talk about this in a post recently, actually. The ‘sir’ thing is in Beginn — that’s how Kix addresses Leia in Chapter 3 when she comes to find Artoo. It’ll come up again in Chapter 5, too (oop, spoilers-ish?). 

The interesting thing is that there are tons of things he probably had to adapt or stop doing altogether because of how things are different 50 years in the future. I think I’ve only mentioned it once in Chapter 4, but Kix isn’t wearing his blacks and armor on a daily basis anymore. As a result, he tugs on his sleeves a lot, rolls them up, takes them down, etc, often because they’re more in the way than he’s used to sleeves being. He likely spent a good chunk of time when he first stopped wearing his armor constantly reaching for where the armor belt sits instead of his pockets. 

He also probably gestures with his head often, a side effect of years of talking while wearing a helmet and not having visible facial expressions. It can happen both when he gestures with his hands and when he’s got his hands full. People would take notice of this, though wouldn’t say anything about it. After all, he is a medic, and gesturing like that can be useful when he needs both hands for whatever healing needs to be done. 

(Heads up, my mind almost always chooses angst lol sorry?) Jesse has regularly called Kix out on things he says that are the same as during the Clone Wars throughout Beginn, despite the fact that Kix can’t hear him. He’s got his own share of habits he hasn’t stopped from the war, especially since he does still wear his armor most of the time. It’d be interesting if there was a Resistance member also named Jesse. He’d probably turn around every single time he heard someone calling for the other Jesse, even knowing nobody saying it can see him.

I don’t doubt he’d pick up on the similarities and differences of Kix’s habits now, even if he doesn’t fully realize his own. It hits him every once in a while that Kix is the last living clone to go around humming Vode An or saying remembrances. It also occurs to him occasionally that Kix goes about setting up medical supplies in a different order now, or something like that, since there have been advancements he had to catch up and practices evolved past the ones he used to use. 

There are things Kix may do because they’re the same as what he used to do and it gives him some sort of comfort in the time. Intentional, as he also is acutely aware of the fact that he’s the last one doing it. Perhaps things he does that bring memories of brothers and he doesn’t want to forget them. For example, double-checking that someone hasn’t placed a rock or something on his bed before lying down (which could also be a side effect of campaigns and sleeping in tents). Or twirling a stylus when he’s thinking while writing because it reminds him of Hardcase asking him how he did it and Jesse getting annoyed by the two of them back on Kamino. Stuff like that.

But, yeah, you’re right, anon. Habits and tics are always fun to talk about with characters. Even if my brain decided to dump some angst on us today. Also, I am always down to talk about Beginn or my other fics, so thanks for asking!

[blackcloverdatabase]

Since we all love black clover here I can’t help but wonder why does this awesome series 1: not get enough love and 2: why does it get a lot hate from other fans like say Naruto. I grew up on Naruto and I can honestly say I don’t get the bashing. What’s your take?

I think it boils down to the fact that first impressions are important, and Black Clover’s anime left a bad one. It had a lot going against it, such as: 

Crunchyroll’s terrible advertising for it – I’m not saying they didn’t advertise it aggressively. Their ads were bad, which is arguably worse than having no ads. Calling it the “New King of Shonen” is an obnoxious way to introduce a new series. It made people go, “Pfft, I doubt it’s that good” and come in ready to criticize it.

The early episodes were slower and more repetitive than its contemporaries – Black Clover is the only series I know of that took 4 episodes to get to chapter 2. A lot of the early episodes also only adapted 1-2 chapters at a time and the anime put in a lot of padding in the form of reusing the same gags over and over again. If you like the gags, that’s great, but there are few things as tedious as sitting through a joke again and again that wasn’t funny the first time. The bad jokes almost made me drop it because I wasn’t invested in the characters yet. 

Asta’s voice actor was a newbie – No, I’m not saying this in relation to Asta being “loud”. There are plenty of “loud” characters, but I believe it was the way he talked that made people dwell on his voice, even if they didn’t know any Japanese. Asta had a tendency to talk like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! With every single sentence he saiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!  Asta extends the last syllable of many of his sentences in the manga, but I think the voice actor, being a newbie, overdid that at the beginning. Asta still does it now, but it’s more subtle and it’s not every single sentence, so it’s more of a charming character tic these days. Not hating on Asta’s VA though. His singing voice is actually pretty great.

The animation - Black Clover has some beautifully done episodes, but the early episodes were..... not beautiful, to say the least.  I honestly could go on, but I don’t want to spend too much energy griping about my favorite series. I do have a lot of gripes about the early episodes, but the important thing is that more and more people are recognizing what makes Black Clover good. Haters wouldn’t bother hating on something unless it was loved by others. 

That said, the level of hate it gets isn’t particularly abnormal. There was a time when much of the anime community called Naruto fans “Narutards” (the term even showed up in magazines like Otaku USA). Just as how Black Clover is accused of being a Naruto rip-off, Naruto was regularly accused of being a Dragon Ball rip-off at the beginning. A lot of Jump series get a lot of criticism when they are just starting off because they inspire each other. The good ones take that inspiration and tell a story with their own identity. Naruto was definitely inspired by Dragon Ball, but it’s hardly a copy. Black Clover is certainly inspired by Naruto and Bleach, but it’s not a copy of either of them. 

It’s a bit ironic that some Naruto fans are criticizing Black Clover the same way Dragon Ball fans criticized Naruto, but history has a tendency to repeat itself. Someday, we will have people calling new shonen series a BNHA or Black Clover rip-off.  

[spookybreadstick]

Hi I'm here for the matchup thing for ur 200 followed event!!!! Congrats on 200, I'm so happy seeing ur acc grow!!! 💞💞

I'd like a regular matchup if that's okay!!!

I'm nonbinary and use they/fairy/buns/angel pronouns. Irl I'm attracted to women but have a preference for male characters??? Idk so I don't really label myself unless I have to oop

I love true crime! I HATE heights and bugs- (bugs r cool for the ecosystem but not inside my house) and I love to draw :)

I usually look for a good listener in a partner and someone who can match my energy no matter the vibe. I wanna chill, they wanna chill, I'm hyper they're hyper, y'know? I'm not sure what my love language is because I love the idea of physical affection, but my ideal date is taking a nap with my partner.

My hair is kept short and I dye it different colours regularly!! It's pink rn! I have hazel eyes and wear glasses- and I'm not sure if this is important by any means but I have mobility issues and use a cane-

Tysm and congratulations again!!!!

hi!! thank you so much for the congratulations!! few little things about your ask i wanted to point out: a) i hate bugs too, they’re so gross b) taking a nap with your partner is very soft and oddly romantic c) i wish i could dye my hair, i just could never pick a color, i wouldn’t have the confidence for it, and i don’t have the hair type for it either unfortunately, d) i did end up including your cane in the match-up briefly. it doesn’t matter to me, because i think it’s your business, but if it’s important to you then it’s important to me, you know? if that makes sense? like i’ve wrote things for people with disorders/disabilities/mobility issues before, and i always just want to say that it shouldn’t matter in a negative way, and it doesn’t have to matter at all if you don’t want it too, but if you do want it to matter, it can matter in a positive way (did that make any sense, i hope it did lol)

💝 💝 💝

I MATCH YOU WITH: Toby!

Similar Likes: drawing (he doodles, they're not "real" drawings and he'd never show them to anyone because they're bad and the point of them is to just get out the stress)

Similar Dislikes: bugs (he is terrified of spiders, but will kill one for you if you really need him to)

Why You'd Make A Good Match: Toby loves to cuddle with his partner, so you'd get to have plenty of nap-dates! He's also very affectionate overall, and very supportive of your interest in drawing. He'll constantly compliment your artwork, and is in fact a little bit jealous that you can draw so well when he cannot (Tourette's can be a pain).

Potential Relationship Clashes: Toby isn't the best listener to be honest. His heart is in the right place for sure, and he really does want to listen to whatever you have to say when you're venting, but he does have Tourette's (the expert interrupter), ADHD (hello, short attention span), and he's just got that sort of easily distracted personality as well. His Tourette's may also get in the way with your cane. Toby isn't the most reliable person to lean on if you need help with walking, and he may accidentally knock into your cane with a tic. Just know that he doesn't mean to do it if he does, and he will do everything he can to suppress a tic if he knows you're leaning on him or if he knows that the tic might knock your cane away.

What He Loves The Most About You: Toby loves that you’re his partner! He thinks you're very attractive, especially with your dyed hair (he would secretly like to dye his hair, but he could never decide on a color). He’s also somebody that wants a person to match energy with, and he’s happy that you feel the same way. 

[thecrimsonmonster]

Little Character Things

Just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by. repost & tag away!

tagged by stolen from: my old blog, edited to be more current

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

Indifference. Usually his default emotion in terms of people.

Curiosity. Despite his nihilistic perspective, Kimbley is always in the mood to learn.

Amusement. Life is a joke, might as well have a good laugh.

Desire. Not specifically sexual, but he’s always looking for something to want. And this does not mean for material goods, status, power, etc.—he wants something that moves him.

GREETINGS;

As a man of many faces and personas, the way that Kimbley treats his approach to people varies depending on his relationship with them.

First and foremost, Kimbley believes that making a good first impression is paramount when making new acquaintances. This is because he’s always looking for people to use or manipulate, whether for a specific purpose or just for fun. Therefore, upon meeting a new person, he makes sure to put on a pleasant façade and turn up his natural, practiced charm—come off as a handsome, friendly, helpful man to any strangers that might be wandering around Dublith. He’s all warm handshakes and sweet smiles. (And he’s very good at continuing this charade, if need be.)

Of course, there are some people who are aware of this faux mask. Depending on whether or not they are civil toward one another, his greetings change.

With those that despise him, he ensures indifference in his tone—unfriendliness, coldness, and a condescension that clearly states “I know I’m better than you, and I don’t care what you think of me.” At times his “hellos” are laced with blatant, smug insincerity, and he won’t hesitate to throw in some passive aggressive yet subtle insults or gross/morbid humor, to further enhance his apathy towards that person’s feelings.

However, with individuals with whom he’s grown fond, his demeanor is a little less flippant. He doesn’t hesitate to crack his patented twisted, sarcastic smirk and let loose a rather witty welcoming retort. He’s not exactly warm about it, but it’s all in good humor.

This, of course, doesn’t change that he’s an absolute monster.

COLORS;

SCENTS;

His scent is always dependent on the time of day or the activities he’s recently been into—many aromas to go with his many faces.

There is his natural scent—musky, woody, a forest after a rain. He dares not wear any cologne or perfume, as it would be too distracting. His olfactory senses are like an assistant in orienting himself, locating and memorizing things and people with relative ease.

He might smell like parchment and ink—a library filled with old books and dust, during his academic phases.

At times he smells very clean—too clean, like a doctor’s emergency room that’s been scrubbed clean. Very surgical, soapy, laced with just a hint of formaldehyde.

It is true, however, that there is always this underlying smell to him. It’s a combination of distinct elements—copper and iron, along with something like charcoal, ashy and burnt. Subtle but nonetheless obviously bitter if you linger close enough. As though it’s seeped into his skin after all of these years.

CLOTHING;

Like his public behavior, Kimbley finds it important that appearance reflect his cold, precise sophistication. He’s often found wearing suits in respectable, neutral colors—various shades of black and grey (though never white, obviously)—or bold, bloody reds. Whatever the case, he makes sure the colors of his overall outfit with matching undershirt and tie are balanced and pleasing to the eye. His shoes are always well-shined and fancy. On trips away from Dublith, his hands are always encased in thin, black leather gloves—practical and fashionable.

Uneventful, casual days call for less strict outfits—a black sleeveless shirt, relaxed slacks. He’s quite fond of suspenders, actually.

Then, of course, there are his many “disguises.” As someone who loves to deceive for the pure pleasure of it, he’s collected quite the collection of wigs, makeup, official uniforms, and silken dresses. Running around like this, however, is not something he regularly engages in—but it never hurts to have distractions on hand when he feels things are growing a little too mundane.

Despite his attire, he has two accessories that he is nearly always found wearing: one of the Red Stones that he keeps on his person, sometimes as a necklace tucked beneath his shirt, and his golden hair ribbon.

OBJECTS;

Most of the objects he deems “important” are ones he keeps in the secret safe in his room. There aren’t very many, but he takes excellent care of them:

The Red Stones that he has been working to develop in his default post-FMA verse. There are several of these stashed away, though he only keeps one on him at a time.

Books—specifically, in this case, two: A green one labeled “BOTANY” in gold letters, the other a personal journal, for taking various notes. The “botany” book appears to be just that, but is in fact a copy of his original alchemy notes he lost after his imprisonment, though much neater and more precise. It’s handwritten and is accompanied by various lovely and detailed illustrations. The journal is brown leather-bound, the pages within a tan off-white. The information therein alternates between the same neat print and loopy, dreadful cursive, depending on how quickly he needed to jot down whatever was on his mind. Notes might include random musings, specific events, or ideas for various narratives.

A photograph. It is of his father and himself when he was just a young boy. He curses his sentimentality for holding onto this.

VICES / BAD HABITS;

Torture and murder. It’s not so much a compulsion as a great source of joy for him, hence why he engages in being a horrible monster on a regular basis. Ask him, and he’ll give a grandiose philosophical reason behind why it gives him such awful pleasure.

Maintaining a horrible sleep schedule. He’s always getting himself into something—whether it’s reading, writing, or having a night of raucous debauchery—so he’s one of those “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” sort of people.

Stealing. Because why not?

Needless cruelty. Just like murder, he doesn’t have any tic compelling him to do it—he simply greatly enjoys it. This will include anything from being a condescending jerk to purposefully lying to hurt someone. Again, because why not?

BODY LANGUAGE;

Every one of Kimbley’s movements is measured and exact in order to reflect exactly what he wants people to perceive of him.

When around people who believe him the charming gentleman, he makes sure his posture is relaxed and disarming—hands casually in his pockets or clasped in front of him, a stance that displays confidence but is not outwardly aggressive.

In the presence of those he intends to intimidate, his poses are much more threatening. He tends to loom quite a bit, hovering in order to make people uncomfortable around him. Making sure the people who would oppose him know that he is maliciousness is, to him, imperative.

Around his familiars, his habits are a mixture of the previous two—displaying his charm and confidence, but also making sure that that air of danger  is unmistakable.

In terms of speaking habits, his hands are often in constant motion; he has a habit of fidgeting, though it’s hardly out of nervousness or impatience. He simply likes putting his hands to work, and often when he is behind the counter at the Devil’s Nest, he spends his time cleaning glasses, the table, even his nails.  These gestures are not grand, of course, unless he is aware he should emphasize a point, in which case, he moves from subtle to exaggerated.

AESTHETICS;

Surgical equipment—pristine, shining in the light, and neatly organized on a silver tray.

The sound of a building collapsing after an explosion.

A starless night, illuminated by a brilliant blood moon.

Libraries filled with poetry, biographies, and anatomy books.

The smell of lilies growing from a rotting corpse.

SONGS;

Escape from Midwich Valley - Carpenter Brut

Taxidermy - Sharon Needles

Operate - Peaches

Humans Are Such Easy Prey - Perturbator

halo - Collide

[griffelkinn]

Letter to a Man

I wish all men would read this letter. I am a woman who is attracted to men. But it seems impossible to find romance and friendship with a man, as much as I wish I could.

This is a letter I wrote to a man I met on Okcupid, and started a friendship with, and then ended the friendship shortly after.

The reason that I ended the friendship was because while we were on a hike, he began talking at length about his feelings that men suffer from oppression and women are privileged. He also emotionally defended incels and misogynists, and said women needed to be kinder to them. He also expressed sympathy toward rapists.

After our hike, we texted, and he continued expressing supportive feelings toward misogynists. And so over text, I said that I felt we should part ways, and shouldn’t hang out anymore. After that, he sent me a letter in the mail, and I wrote him this letter in return.

I wish all men could read this letter...

“Brian,

I didn't want to cause you pain or sadness, the other day. I knew that I probably did, and that made me feel pain myself.

Your letter was very thoughtful, and I was glad to read it. I appreciated the time you took to write it, and your sincerity. I do hope you'll read this letter, and know that it is a very serious and honest outpouring of my feelings. I want you to understand. I know it might seem like a wall of text, but every word of it feels important to tell you.

When I first moved to San Francisco, my very first friend in the whole state was a guy named Roger. We got along really well, and immediately became very close, and had fun together constantly. We cooked, and lay in the park, and got drunk, and joked around, and tried new snacks, and got ice cream on hot days, and even got some acid on the street and tripped together on Halloween to Nightmare Before Christmas. We were super close for months. Then he randomly started passionately ranting about how rape is a very mild crime, and people shouldn't get too bothered if it happens to them, or punished for doing it either. He went on about how rapists were usually molested at some point, and they deserved sympathy. Not to have their lives negatively impacted by getting in trouble for raping someone. Also, that they can't help doing it, like it's a nervous tic. We talked and argued about it for hours. All of those points. Finally I left, because I was shaking with anger and emotion, and he was very passionately defending everything he'd said with no moving at all.

I was especially shaken by his tirade because it was an exact echo of the many tirades the violent psycho I was trapped living with years ago used to go on. All of those points were favorites of his to passionately rant about. That guy had also been my best friend, before I got a place with him (accessible only by his truck), and also before he dropped his carefully-constructed façade of a great person. He also used to rant about how 15-year-old girls are the most appropriate breeding partners for men, and how women's sports are a joke, and how girls are biologically inclined to bear children and take care of them. Also that men are currently generously "allowing their women to become educated". He had been jailed for rape. He was sadistic, in ways I could never describe.

I didn't see my friend Roger anymore after that. All of his weird rapist-support arguments were so similar to the psycho's, and also extremely suggestive of his own tendencies. He did later tell me in a text that he was one of the rapists he was defending.

Later when I was working at Whole Foods, I became really good friends with this guy named Greg, who also worked there. We became instantly great buddies, and did all kinds of stuff together. We went on road trips, went out for pizza regularly, and learned how to make silicone molds and castings together. We were both really into art and painting. We swapped comics, and discovered Stranger Things together. I actually started getting a crush on him, which was a big thing for me. Then one night we were parked in front of my apartment, cause he was dropping me off after we'd spent a whole day having fun around the city and then making molds at his apartment. We didn't even want to say good night, because we wanted to keep hanging out and talking. We started talking about how we were both really happy that we'd become friends. And then he told me that his last best friend and him had parted badly, and he was disappointed. So then, I told him I'd had something similar happen, and I told him about Roger. I told him about the argument me and Roger had had about rape and rapists, and how that had ended the friendship, and how sad it was. And then Greg said "Well, it does make you think..." And I asked what about. And he then launched into a passionate rant feeling sorry for rapists. I think my jaw hung down 3 feet. I was just stunned. He started talking about Brock Turner, the rapist from a few years ago who was all over the news. The one who got barely any jail time, because the judge felt sorry for him and didn't want his life negatively impacted by his raping that girl.

Greg went on and on about how it was terrible that Brock Turner was going to be known as a rapist now, and how sad that was for him. He'd made one tiny little mistake anyone could make, and now he's gonna be thought of badly. He didn't seem aware of the other person involved whose life actually was negatively impacted. I argued all of his ideas about his "tiny mistake", and also how sad it was for him now. I wanted to understand why Greg was saying this stuff. I must be misunderstanding. We talked about it until 4 in the morning in the car, until finally I had to go inside, because clearly there was no misunderstanding.

As soon as I got into my apartment, I cried on my couch. I was so sad, because I liked Greg so much, and this was how he was. I knew our friendship was over. We decided to get together the next night and see if there was really a misunderstanding that maybe we could figure out had happened. At a bar, he told me it's his nature, when he sees a viewpoint that's hard to agree with at first, to try to figure out a way it could be agreed with. He's just really intelligent and quick and enjoys doing that. That was obviously not what was happening.

Before meeting you on Okcupid, I'd met one other guy this year. He told me he'd forced himself sexually on a girl once, and he was sorry for it now.

A friend I met while living in Maine for a while years ago (between CA and FL) was a guy named Doug, I met on Okcupid. He assaulted me.

Another friend I met on Okcupid in that same stay was a guy named Nate. He assaulted me.

I wanted to tell you about Roger and Greg, because they are really what led to my action after our text conversation. When you and me were walking that day, I didn't react much at the time, but I was very unsettled when you mentioned how rapists were usually molested themselves. I've been just confused and frustrated that I very rarely meet a man who doesn't sympathize with rapists or misogynists. It's like 1 in a million. When you said that, I was internally thinking, you probably feel like Roger and Greg. When you said that you like to try to see the side of people who have an extreme viewpoint, and that's why you tried to see the side of misogynists, it sounded exactly like Greg later explaining his rape-sympathizing.

I know I had lots of fun kayaking with you, and playing 7 Days to Die, and talking about tripping, and watching Chappie. The letter you wrote me was really thoughtful, and made me feel how much you care and how much you were focused on self-awareness, which is really awesome.

I told you about Doug and Nate, because I want you to understand why I have so much hesitancy about hanging out. Sadly, since we haven't known each other long, I am strongly affected by the percentage of times I've made a male friend and had them assault me or reveal that they support rapists.

Those examples are not the only times I've been assaulted.

In my opinion, the number-one cause of the extreme amount of rapists, is how much support rapists get. And misogynists. 99.9% men seem to support them. Male rappers and sportsmen remain heroes after assaulting women. Male judges give rapists such light sentencing that it seems less serious than drug crimes or theft. Movies and tv show heroes and "cool" characters are often raping and joking about it. Everywhere, whenever I turn on the tv it seems like.

I remember when I was a kid, and I used to run around town playing with this big group of all the town kids, and we were all friends. I had some really great friends who were boys, who lived around me, and we used to hang out and mess around and we didn't see each other as a different species. We hadn't been brainwashed yet. It makes me deeply sad that that kind of camaraderie between men and women seems like a fantasy now. I hope it's still around.

It's so upsetting to think about that stuff, and I am filled with so much unease when I'm around people who I think might see me as a "woman-creature" that can never be understood or related to. I walk around thinking in the back of my mind that I might have a violent encounter at any given time, and I'm prepared for it mentally. I'm positive there will be more in the future.

I really want you to understand me, because I don't want you to feel bad or upset or hurt or offended. I know that I offended you and hurt you when I said I thought you were a man like those others. All I knew was that you were saying things that they all say, and that it has hurt me deeply to hear those things from friends in the past. It hurt so much that it makes me not want to risk becoming very close when there's any indication that those feelings about rapists and misogynists are part of someone. From your letter it sounds like you also empathize with those who are hurt by misogyny. You feel bad for your misogynist and racist uncle, and for all others. And empathy is a wonderful quality. Empathy is one of the most important things to have. And the most respectable. But I do think the cause of so much misogyny and rape is this overabundance of sympathy for them (and far too little for the people who are actually seriously hurt by them).

I don't want bad feelings between us. I want good feelings. I have good feelings toward you. I am just sad and tired and just... confused and frustrated that I've never met a man who just completely was angry and disgusted with rapists and misogynists, and spoke as passionately about that as they so often speak passionately about sympathizing with them. I don't know what that means for the state of people right now. I don't say this to single you out or to try and make you feel bad. It's just something I've been thinking a lot about, that's got me down. And hearing certain arguments and opinions about that stuff so often makes me feel down. Also, there were other things you said during our hike that made it seem like you were very emotionally into the idea that men have it harder than women. It really seemed like something you think about a lot and feel strongly about. I was walking in a constant state of "What-the?". Maybe that's not true. It just seemed like a continuous vibe.

I hope you understand that I didn't end things with us out of anything personal with you. I really enjoyed most of our times together, and I will remember them with happiness. I hope you make many more beautiful potteries, and have fun and happiness. Empathy is a great thing to have, it's just that those specific sympathies make me very unhappy to be around, in a really big way, now.

-C”

[eldritchsurveys]

1083.

Do you have a vlog? If not, have you ever considered starting a vlog? >> I don’t have a vlog and I’ve only considered it as a humorous thought exercise, not seriously. My own mannerisms and facial tics embarrass me when I’m aware of them or can see them on video, so I’d rather not put myself through that.

Did you go to AM or PM kindergarten? >> I don’t remember. Edit: I think at one point I was going to pre-K in the morning and kindergarten in the afternoon, because they realised I was precocious or whatever, but they didn’t want to just fully skip me to kindergarten (idfk, man, teachers are weird). So I went to both at the same time, and graduated from both at the end of the year.

What are your favorite youtube channels to watch? >> Wisecrack, Overly Sarcastic Productions, The Take, Philosophy Tube, ContraPoints, Ethys Asher, MTQCapture (just for FFXIV dungeon guides, but hers are the best), Final Fantasy Union, Implicitly Pretentious, NakeyJakey, Ask a Mortician... those are all the ones I can remember off the top of my head. I’m always looking for new channels, but it’s hard to find consistently interesting and well-made content that isn’t about things I just don’t particularly care about.

Which relative(s) do you look the most like? >> ---

Have you ever watched a live birth video? >> No.

Have you ever given birth? >> Heavens, no.

Do you remember when the Internet was a new thing? >> I vaguely remember when Internet for the casual at-home user became a thing. The Internet as a whole is a bit older than me, and I was very young when things like IRC came out.

Do you remember Y2K? >> Yes!

How old were you when the year changed to 2000? >> I was 12.

What was your favorite childhood vacation? >> ---

Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? >> I did think I was binary trans for a few years. Now I’m completely off the gender axis and floating in todash space somewhere. As intended.

What’s your birth order: oldest, middle, or youngest? >> I am the youngest of my father’s offspring.

Do you fit the stereotype for whatever birth order you are? >> I think if there’s any stereotype I’d be liable to fit, it’d be only-child stereotypes, since that’s how I was raised (my father’s other children were decades older than me and I barely knew them).

Have you ever worn overalls? >> Yeah.

If you’re a girl, how old were you when you started your period? >> I’m not a girl, but I was 11 or so.

Do you get cramps? >> I did. Awful ones, too, the kind that would incapacitate me (sometimes in public...). Which is the primary reason why I started taking the Pill -- I didn’t dare to hope that it would get rid of periods altogether, but I was very relieved and happy when it did.

Is your mom mentally stable? >> ---

Is your dad a complete jerk to you? >> ---

Where do you want to go on vacation next? >> I would love to go on a vacation to anywhere, but that’s not feasible right now.

What is one place you want to visit before you die? >> *shrug*

Has anyone ever committed suicide in your town, that you know of? >> I mean, I’m sure someone has, but I don’t know anything about it.

What’s your favorite type of crackers? >> Oh, god, I forgot what they’re called. But they’re long and thin and rectangular and they come in flavours like garlic and rosemary. Also, matzo. Love matzo, particularly the egg and onion kind.

What’s your favorite spice? >> I really couldn’t say.

Are you sensitive? >> Way more so than I’d thought I was. Turns out a complex system of protections and defense mechanisms was shielding a very soft core. (Thank god. As much as they can and do backfire and cause their own problems, can you imagine how much worse off I would have been without those mechanisms?)

Are you intuitive? >> I don’t know, really. How does one measure that?

Are you spiritual? >> Maybe. I don’t really know what people mean when they use that word, so I’m hesitant to say one way or the other.

Do you wish your life were easier? >> My life isn’t particularly difficult at this juncture. I just have... a very small window of tolerance and take things a lot harder as a result. I don’t wish my life was easier, I wish my brain was less on fire.

What color hair did your first crush have? >> ---

What was the name of your first crush? >> ---

Did you ever play on Mamamedia.com? >> No.

Do you remember your first email address? >> Yeah, it was ozonebaby30@yahoo.com.

Did you name your lego characters? >> I didn’t have LEGO. I had Tinker Toys and an Erector set, neither of which came with little people iirc.

What was/is your high school’s mascot? >> ---

What is/was your favorite class in high school? >> ---

Is college an adventure? >> ---

Do you take medication for anxiety or depression? If so, does it work? Does it help you? Or does it make you feel worse? >> I do not.

If applicable, what form of birth control do you use? >> The Pill. Not for the birth-control function, though... not having sex covers that pretty well.

Who is your favorite cousin? >> ---

Do you look your age? >> According to other people, who apparently care about that sort of thing, no.

What’s your favorite flavor of frosting? >> ---

Do you like toe socks? >> No.

Muffins or cupcakes? >> Cupcakes, but rarely. I just don’t like muffins period.

Have you ever had a bag stolen? >> Probably.

How old were you when you got your first phone? >> Seventeen.

Are you ready for summer?!?! >> I will be in a couple of months, you can guarantee that.

Is winter your favorite season? >> No.

How many people do you know who’ve said winter is their favorite season? >> Quite a few, actually. I feel like I’ve encountered far more winter people than summer people. I see people complaining about warm weather constantly. I will never understand (even as a person who runs hot, I will still never understand). Even with the side effect of getting SAD in the winter, I love being solar powered.

Are you unique in any way? >> I mean, probably.

Do you have any hidden talents? >> No.

Has anyone said you and your mom look like sisters? >> ---

Who was your best friend in high school? >> ---

What book or movie gave you nightmares as a child? >> None.

What song makes you cry? >> Plenty, but I can’t think of one right now.

Does anyone know who your first crush was besides you? >> ---

How many teachers have you had crushes on? >> I was thinking about this last night. Calling the obsession I had with that one teacher a “crush” is erroneous because... the reason why I felt the way I felt about him is because he was nice to me. Literally, that was it. I was freshly traumatised (and being in and out of the hospital was just re-traumatising me), had an attachment disorder and was emotionally neglected, and was used to being treated poorly. When I told That One Teacher that I cut myself, he gave me a hug. Like... groundbreaking! No one else had responded that way! Of course I was attached to him, he actually treated me like someone who deserved kindness and care. It’s really hard not to feel crushingly sad for teenage!me (and, as an extension, current!me, who is still bearing the effects of the past) when I think about that.

Did you make your Barbie dolls get crushes on each other? >> I don’t really remember what I did with Barbie dolls.

Did your Barbie dolls go on dates? >> ^

How old were you when you had your first kiss? >> ---

Do you like church? >> Eh. Depends on the church, I guess. I’ll always have affection for Black Church(tm).

Do you have scars from self-harm? >> Yep.

Do you have cellulite? >> A little, I think.

How old were you when you started getting zits? >> I had them through my teenage years.

Did your hair change at all when you went through puberty? >> I don’t think so.

Are you taller, shorter, or the same height as your mom? >> I’ve been taller than that woman since I was 12.

Would you ever consider adopting a child? >> If I was ever going to raise a child, this would be the only way it’d happen.

Who was your first roommate? >> ---

Have you ever had a teacher who was rude? >> Yup.

Is your mom paranoid? >> ---

Do you trim your own hair? >> I buzz my own head, yeah.

Did your mom read you bedtime stories as a child? >> I was not read bedtime stories as a child. I made up my own in my head instead.

What are all the things you remember being for Halloween? >> ---

What was the name of the first pet that you loved? >> Roxie.

Did you have your own room as a child? >> I did.

What color was your nursery? >> ---

Did your parents know your gender before you were born? >> I don’t know.

What is your name (first and middle)? >> Mordred Shadow.

What would you have been named if you had been born the opposite gender? >> My name isn’t related to what my parent named me, and I have no idea what he would have named me if I was born the opposite sex.

Do you like your name? >> I like the one I gave myself, yes.

What would you name your children? >> ---

Do you exercise regularly? >> I’m again trying to do the take-a-daily-walk thing. Again. I fail every time, but I keep trying. Can Calah says there’s something good about that, better than failing and giving up on ever doing it again. I don’t know, but I’ll trust him on it.

Do you have a healthy BMI? >> I don’t know.

What is your favorite season? >> Spring.

Do you look like your mom? >> ---

What is the origin of your last name? >> I have no idea. I assumed that in this world, Stephen King made it up, but maybe he didn’t. The “canonical” origin of my last name is Gilead-That-Was.

What is the meaning of your first name? >> It’s unclear.

What month were you born in? >> May.

Do you share a birthday with anyone in your family? >> ---

Do you have a sweet tooth? >> Nope.

What photo editing software do you use? >> I either use Paint to just resize or crop an image, or Pixlr if I need extra editing tools.

Where do you buy most of your clothes? >> There is no place where I buy the majority of my clothes. They come from all over.

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 11 thoughts

me: i shouldn’t have too much to say about this episode, since it’ll be mostly dueling! me, 25 screenshots later: 

(see what i did there. i’m funny i promise)

a lot of the early episodes i’ve seen twice, or at least use regularly in amvs so i’m somewhat familiar with what happens in them. that is not the case for this particular episode, so even though i sort of remember the beats of it, i’d forgotten a lot of the juicy stuff.

like this.

i’ve seen people bring this scene up before, but it’s really interesting. AI don’t need to sleep, but does the existence of free will inside of them give them the option? sleep is something animals do because they have to. humans sleep way, way longer on average than most other predators, and while there’s certain animals that sleep upwards of 15 hours, those are mostly prey animals -- or at least, animals who don’t really hunt. sloths, koalas, etc.

people do, however, sleep sometimes when they don’t technically have to. people take naps when they’ve had a stressful day, or are staying up late for an event, or even to get through a class that bores them. does that make it an activity?? that one can choose to do?? it’s kind of a weird thought lol.

anyways though,

i don’t talk about emma too much, but she’s a pretty cool gal. she’s obviously incredibly intelligent, she’s an expert hacker, but i love her ability to put things together quickly. she’s an information broker and a bounty hunter, so it makes sense she’s good at putting clues together to form a conclusion fast. i just like that they bothered to have her think this one out so we get to see that, since she doesn’t get much screen time past this season.

i also had forgotten how often dr. kogami shows up in these episodes. for some reason, i only remembered him being here or there throughout the first season, up until rev vs pm round 3.

there’s people in the fandom who like to demonize revolver, mostly because of the tower i think, but honestly, he’s a respectful opponent. he really did not have to explain anything to playmaker -- at the moment, all revolver knows is he’s some dude going around kicking his lackeys asses in duels, and has an ignis attached to his duel disk. he doesn’t know he was a LI victim. he doesn’t have any reason to suspect that, as of right now, but he still goes out of his way to clear things up for yusaku. 

it’s an important aspect of his character that i think people who dislike him tend to forget, and like, you do you -- like and dislike whatever characters you want, i mean -- but you shouldn’t erase parts of them just because you’re not a fan.

anyways though,

it’s really interesting to me how revolver talks about free will. he’s more spiritual then i would’ve guessed, as we find out from his duel vs. soulburner in 115-116, but it shows here, too. 

the ignis have free will, but he thinks of them as below humans; creatures that will only cause harm. if they have free will, they have the choice to be good or bad, and yet he is so dead set in his thinking. he has all the pieces right there, but he just won’t put them together. and with his changes towards ai specifically and what he says to soulburner about flame in their duel, you have to wonder if it’s a willful ignorance.

however that follows up with:

which like, again shows how spiritual revolver actually is in some ways, which is interesting considering how rooted in science he is a lot of the time, but also,

the way he phrases this makes me deeply sad for him. i’ve talked a lot about revolver’s thoughts on his father already, so i won’t talk about it too much here when i’ve got so much else to cover, but really. he deserved an actual father, not an asshole who wrongfully put himself on a pedestal to be admired and worshiped.

i feel like the fandom is so used to the concept since it was introduced so early to us in the series, but seriously, this is kind of a crazy thing. despite how advanced den city is technologically, clearly this has still never been done before outside of the hanoi project. that is a lot to take in and process.

seriously. i don’t blame yusaku and everyone else for being so skeptical. it doesn’t sound possible to us, even though in the real world, it’s been something we’ve talked about since we started developing AI, basically. 

it brings so many moral questions to the table, too, because if something has free will, if something is able to think and live like us, would it be wrong to continue to make it do things that might be against its will? would it be wrong to delete the program, if it’s capable of forming connections with others?

moving on to something less serious, though:

everyone’s favorite meme scene LOL. seriously, this is so stupid and nerdy, i hate it and love it so much at the same time.

originally i wasn’t too fond of revolver’s first avatar, but it’s really grown on me tbh. not really relevant, but things like this actually made it grow on me lol.

next up though we get a flashback of yusaku’s backstory. at the current moment, we really have no context for these scenes, but they’re still shocking to look at in their own right:

and of course, we have little ryoken’s words of encouragement. 

not only do we find out why yusaku does the three things mantra, we also now have the clues that revolver was the one who told this to him, way back when, since we see him use the same tic in an earlier episode.

i’ll try to keep my thoughts on this brief, since i have a lot to say about this, so bear with me.

firstly, the last line. not only is it one of my favorite quotes in the whole series, as it’s simple, powerful, and holds meaning in my own life, but it reflects back on what i was saying about revolver having all the pieces but purposefully not putting them together about the ignis.

it’s a concept that’s hard to grasp at their young ages, and yet ryoken puts it eloquently and yusaku takes it to heart, turning those words into fuel to keep him going. 

three things to live, three things to go home, three things to defeat the enemy. 

these are not normal words of encouragement, and it’s very clearly intentional. this is something a child can cling to, which is exactly what yusaku does. he clings to it so much, even ten years later these are still the words he hears when he needs to get through something. even ten years later, he thinks of three things for everything he does.

ryoken wanted that child -- the one that he lured back to his father, the one that kept losing and kept screaming in pain -- to have a reason to fight back.

and boy, does yusaku fight back.

anyways though.

a lot of people, myself included, love the irony of this. the person he hates, the person he wants to save, the person he’s dueling right now, they are all the same. he is right in front of him, but he doesn’t know it. ah, it hurts so good lol.

a lot of people don’t consider ryoken to be captured, but i do. just not in the sense that yusaku is thinking of.

this is where everyone gets the confusion of firewall being his ace, and i mean like, i get it. but it’s the same way as like, salamangreat pyro phoenix or violet chimera are soulburner’s secondary aces, becaus heatleo is his true ace.

at least, imo. maybe i would’ve been wrong had firewall not been so overpowered it had to be axed from both the OCG and the TCG lmao. 

okay, but why? why just you, seemingly? i touched on the fact that it’s possible jin and spectre also have link sense, i think, but takeru doesn’t. miyu seemingly doesn’t -- or does she, with her ability to sense aqua on her chest during her coma? so really, it’s just takeru, then. why is he the odd one out, here? and was this a byproduct of the LI or were the children chosen on purpose because of this ability? was it something that just had to be awoken inside of them? 

g o d 

have you seen it before? were you even there when revolver took down cyberse????

anyways.

this is so cute. i love them. his little smile. but also, it’s interesting to note that he does this not believing ai has free will. i saw a few people complaining that yusaku’s attachment to roboppi (like the flashback of him petting her head like a dog or smth) was out of character, but it’s clearly not.

he clearly gets invested in the AI around him, probably because he knows he doesn’t have to worry about them hurting him or anything. it’s... sad :(

honestly, i wonder if revolver would’ve won this duel had he not been using his father’s strategy with fire prison. they’re very evenly matched in skill, so i wouldn’t really have been surprised.

this screenshot was just taken because CR called them varrets instead of rokkets but still changed the monster names to rokkets and when i first saw this episode i was like ??? ultra confused lmao.

i’m so glad the subtitles get more consistent as the series goes on. though i harp on CR a lot, i really am grateful they have the whole series and were able to simulcast it throughout it’s airing. 

anyways, that’s all for right now! i started watching this episode like, an hour and a half ago almost LOL so i’ve gotta get some stuff done before watching another. see y’all

[jumpcr-blog1]

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Kit Aleksovich Yelchin Character’s nickname: to be determined Reason for nickname: to be determined Birth date: March 23rd, 1992

Physical Appearance

Age: 25 How old does he/she appear: 25 Weight: 148 lbs Height: 6′2″ Body build: slight, slender Shape of face: round Eye color: blue Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: pale Distinguishing marks: tattoo over left shoulder blade. small, round scar on thumb-forefinger webbing on right hand. Predominant features: none that stand out Hair color: light brown / dark blond Hairstyle: very short, nearly to the scalp Voice: low, quiet Overall attractiveness: average, plain Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: something simple and nondescript, jeans & a plain t-shirt, a dark jacket, dark boots. usually also a beanie of some kind. Favorite outfit: a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. Jewelry or accessories: none

Personality

Good personality traits: resourceful, adaptable, adventurous, daring, hardworking, intuitive, organized, self-reliant Bad personality traits: abrasive, anxious, asocial, cynical, dishonest, impulsive. paranoid, possessive, reactionary Mood character is most often in: Kit spends most of his time being pretty convinced everything about his life is about to blow to pieces all over again, leaving him feeling paranoid. Years of doing his job and doing it well, however, has taught him how to hide this feeling. However, he would be very, very unsurprised (albeit crushed) if his secret got out. Sense of humor: dry humor, anti humor, sarcasm Character’s greatest joy in life: Kit finds it difficult to slow down and enjoy his life, but the time he spents with Luka ranks high on the list. He tries not to put too much weight on that, though, because after the loss of his parents he learned to detach a little from people. Outside of Luka, he takes a lot of joy in running, in smoking the most pretentious cigarettes in the world (lucky strikes, obviously), and winning. Character’s greatest fear: His greatest fear is being found out. This means a lot of things. Kit is afraid of his Big Secret(tm) being found out, he’s afraid his sexuality will be found out, he’s afraid his deep seeded inner fear will be found out. Basically, Kit’s biggest fear is every lie he’s ever told being paraded out in front of him, and at this point in his life there’s very little out of his mouth that isn’t a lie. Why?: Because he’s afraid of losing Luka, he’s afraid of losing the new place he discovered in society, he’s afraid of everything about him being nonredeemable. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?: being outed as a spy for the Rosteks. Character is most at ease when: he’s running. it doesn’t matter where, why, or from what. Most ill at ease when: he’s forced to sit still for too long. Enraged when: he sees people being cruel to animals, children, or Luka. Depressed or sad when: he is reminded of his parents, of his place in the world, or of the reality of the world around him. Priorities: His priorities differ depending on the day. There are days when his main priority is the Rosteks and what information he can give to them, then there are days when his main priority is the Lesyas and keeping the few friends he has made there safe. However, this is all just a convoluted way of saying that he is always his number one priority. Whatever path is the one of least resistance seems to be the one Kit takes. Life philosophy: he’s 25, he doesn’t have one. If granted one wish, it would be: freedom from the Rosteks v Lesyas war Why?: because then there would be no reason for him to be a spy, or for the lies, or for the secrets, and things would be a lot simpler. However, if given the opportunity to answer this question himself, he’d say “a real philly cheesesteak, because you cant get them in Moscow.” Character’s soft spot: Luka. his 3 legged cat, три (3). Is this soft spot obvious to others?: No. Well, maybe yes about три. Greatest strength: Kit is adaptable, above all else. He can learn to deal with any situation. His adaptability has led to him being a survivor. He doesn’t fear death. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: His lack of ability to relate or connect with people is a weakness. It assists some in his ability to be adaptable, because he doesn’t need anyone around to survive, but it also leaves him very isolated and lonely at times. Without those connections, his decisions become more irrational and reckless, as he doesn’t think about anything but himself. Biggest regret: his cowardice Minor regret: minor regrets are pointless, he’s done what he’s had to do to survive. Biggest accomplishment: He managed to move up the ranks and be trusted as a spy, he’s well paid, and he lives on his own. Minor accomplishment: not punching people in the face on a regular basis. Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Any time he had been outed as a spy. Character’s darkest secret: his true allegiance, or his desire to switch sides Does anyone else know?: the rest of the rosteks, no

Goals

Drives and motivations: survival, to be seen as “good” in the end, to make his parents proud Immediate goals: to provide the rosteks with relevant information on the lesyas, to earn money Long term goals: to survive, to eventually be able to flee the city and travel the world, possibly to have the guts to switch sides How the character plans to accomplish these goals: finding his voice, his balls, and waiting for the right time. How other characters will be affected: the rosteks will be betrayed, but ultimately fine without him. his lack of personal connections makes this a non-issue for him. however, he fears what it will do to Luka, or to Luka’s opinion of him.

Past

Hometown: Moscow, Russia Type of childhood: pleasant, loving, safe, protected Pets: none, mother was allergic to everything First memory: his first solid memory is driving in the car with his parents to see the lights of the city around the holidays, but he has brief glimpses of his father shaving, his mother pin curling her hair, the smell of pancakes in the morning, a feeling of peace. Most important childhood memory: his mother and father’s constant reassurance that everyone is absolutely, unequivocally equal. Why: because this forms the basis for his betrayal. he’s betraying himself, his parents, their teachings. sure, he’s betraying the lesyas and wants to betray the rosteks but before that he’s betraying himself and his past. Childhood hero: Zanjeer the Labrador Dream job: ice cream truck driver Education: left senior school at age 15 and never went back Religion: non-practicing orthodox Christianity Finances: middle class

Present

Current location: Moscow, Russia Currently living with: no one Pets: one cat Religion: agnostic Occupation: in order to maintain his cover story with the lesyas, he works as a cashier in a convenience store, however his true occupation is a Rostek spy. Finances: he appears to be lower class, but has a lot of money thanks to his true occupation as a Rostek spy

Family

Mother: Nadya Ivanova Yelchina Relationship with her: Kit loved his mother. She kept him safe, made him feel loved, and always did her best to raise him the right way. She was often his best friend and the first person he turned to when he had any kind of issue. Father: Vladimir Yelchin Relationship with him: the relationship here was a little more strained, probably because Kit and Vladimir were very similar. When he was very young, things were normal, but when he got a little older his own attitude started to come forward so they started to butt heads. Siblings: None Relationship with them: n/a Spouse: None Relationship with him/her: n/a Children: None Relationship with them: n/a Other important family members: Tatiana ‘Ana’ Aleksovna Yelchina, Marko Aleksovich Yelchin

Favorites

Color: blue Least favorite color: orange Music: pop, hip-hop Food: french fries Literature: anything george orwell Form of entertainment: movies Expressions: “shut the fuck up.” Mode of transportation: running Most prized possession: his dad’s zippo lighter and his mom’s prayer rope

Habits

Hobbies: card games, dice games, games of chance Plays a musical instrument? no Plays a sport? no, but would kill it at track and field How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading, watching movies, cooking, anything that he can do while also doing 2 other things   Spending habits: he spends lightly and keeps all of his rostek earnings in a tin below his bed. Smokes: no, bad for the lungs Drinks: occasionally Other drugs: occasionally What does he/she do too much of?: lying, eating sweets What does he/she do too little of?: self care, relaxing, sleeping Extremely skilled at: lying, pick pocketing, running fast Extremely unskilled at: sitting still, anything that requires a great deal of fine motor skills, walking in a straight line, not falling down Nervous tics: lip biting, leg bouncing, nail picking, skin picking, hair pulling (which is why he keeps it so short) Usual body posture: just slightly slouched Mannerisms: he pinches the bridge of his nose a lot Peculiarities: he’s a very slow typer, he still only hunts and pecks with one finger.

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? realist Introvert or extrovert? introvert Daredevil or cautious? daredevil Logical or emotional? both, depending Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? always has to be moving Confident or unsure of himself/herself? appears confident Animal lover? yes

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: he’s not a fan of himself. One word the character would use to describe self: liar One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: “I’m, like, you know. I’m just a guy. Not a particularly good guy. I mean, okay, I guess I’m kind of a bad guy. I lie a lot. I don’t regularly hurt people that I like but when the truth comes out they might be hurt beyond repair. I’m not worth much, honestly, I’m just here to survive.” What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? his ability to survive What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? his cowardice What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? blue eyes What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? too skinny How does the character think others perceive him/her: quiet, controlled, even tempered What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: he’d want to be brave

Relationships With Others

Opinion of other people in general: he tries to keep away from other people, but he generally sees everyone as just doing what they have to do to survive Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? yes Person character most hates: tbd Best friend(s): luka, tbd Love interest(s): Luka Person character goes to for advice: tbd Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: tbd Person character feels shy or awkward around: tbd Person character openly admires: no one Person character secretly admires: Luka Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Luka After story starts: Luka?? tbd

[heartbattled-a]

compiled list of headcanons for one Mr Sam Evans ! some have already been posted but have been tweaked in this post for clarification / better wording . ( template not mine ! )

SEXUALITY & AFFECTION . 

Sam is 100% pansexual. There’s absolutely no doubt about it in my mind. 

Those feelings were closeted for a very long time, pushed very deep down. Not because his family were homophobic (which they weren’t/aren’t) but because it was unacceptable in his old school. Sam went to an all boys school and there were very few gay people there and they were bullied insistently and physically / mentally / emotionally abused. 

If Sam was experiencing feelings of attraction or arousal during his time at that school, he did a damn good job of hiding it. Pretending that it didn’t exist. 

When Sam moves to McKinley, he begins to realise that being gay is okay. That being anything other than straight is okay. Kurt was his first example of that and then Blaine. They were definitely the two most important role models for the first few years at McKinley. 

Even though Sam is incredibly accepting of other people’s sexualities & genders, it took a much longer time for Sam to come to terms with his own sexuality. Hence why he was always so skittish whenever asked about his sexuality, especially from Blaine. 

Eventually --- canonically, around the end of Glee S4, Sam finally comes to terms with his sexuality. After a lot of confiding in his close friends (Blaine included) and a fair amount of time spent googling, Sam finally had a term for what he felt. Pansexual. Sam isn’t really a big fan of labels, never has been --- but it felt really good to have one in that moment.

He is absolutely shyer with boys than he is with girls. Boys make him twice as nervous as girls do because he has far less experience in dating boys or anything to do with boys in general. 

That being said, Sam will do his absolute best to learn. To be better at it. Though he’s not afraid of being seen in public holding a boys’ hand. He does know what the world is like surrounding the LGBTQIA+ and he knows that people suck but he isn’t ashamed of who he is anymore. He isn’t ashamed to completely know who he is. So he’ll absolutely hold his partners hand in public, will kiss them in public too. 

RELATIONSHIPS . 

Any kind of romantic relationship makes Sam very, very, wary. He’s incredibly cautious & nervous about them and it takes a fair amount for Sam to even consider entering one after everything he’s been through with the McKinley girls.

Sam has a fair amount of abandonment issues, along with trust issues and some other baggage. To begin with, Sam is incredibly clingy and worried. He panics and overthinks, which leads to Sam convincing himself that he’s doing something wrong --- that he isn’t enough, that he deserves to be cheated on. 

He would absolutely rather pine over someone that he likes as opposed to telling them straight to their face. Mostly because he’s terrified that the person will make fun of him for it or shun him because of the fact that his entire life story has been spread throughout McKinley high. (homeless, stripper, etc.)

It takes a long time for Sam to work his way out of the bad mental space regarding relationships because of how many times he’s been cheated on before. He will get out of it, it just takes a while for that to happen.

That being said, though, when Sam does enter a relationship --- he enters it completely. 110%. When Sam loves someone, he loves them hard and with everything he has. Sam Evans has a very, very, big heart and it shows when he’s in a relationship with someone. Hell, it shows in his friendships. 

Even though Sam doesn’t have a lot of money, he will still do his absolute best to spoil his partner. Not having much money means that he needs to get creative with date ideas and anniversary/Christmas/birthday presents. He likes to think he does a pretty good job. 

Sam is an incredibly loyal boyfriend. He is incredibly caring and very sweet, very considerate of his partners feelings. He is also very, very, sensitive. Proof of point: when he was kissed in canon by that photographer while he was dating Mercedes, he cried immediately afterwards because he felt so guilty even though he didn’t kiss her back and had no intention of kissing her back, either. He owned up to it immediately, too. 

APPEARANCE ( trigger warning for eating disorder mentions ! )

Sam’s hands are very rough & calloused. Both from playing the guitar non stop as well as lifting weights every single day. Some people think that his hands are soft from first glance but they definitely are not. He has a lot of callouses along his palms. 

Sam is tall. About six foot one. Around 140lbs or 10 stone. He’s very close to being underweight for his height. The reason being that Sam has an eating disorder. See more about that HERE, if you’d like. 

At some point during Sam’s twenties, he realises that he has a problem (with the help of friends depending on the verse) and decides to seek help for it. It’s a lifelong problem that isn’t going to go away with a snap of his fingers, as much as he wishes it will but going to therapy does help along with a few other methods. But the problem will always be there and he will always have a very, very, complicated relationship with his food. 

While he might look skinny / unhealthy, he is muscular. He works out pretty regularly (sometimes to the point of fatigue/dangerous levels) and it shows. He has minimal body fat because seeing any kind of body fat/rolls/any kind of sign that he’s fat or overweight (even if he isn’t) gives him really bad body dysmorphia. 

Sam’s nail beds are pretty much ruined by the time he hits twenty one. The skin around his thumbs are pretty gross looking, too. He bites/picks at his nails and bites/picks at the skin by his fingernails, a tic & sign of his anxiety. 

WORK, HOME & SCHOOL LIFE .

Sam has had quite a few jobs in his lifetime. Granted, they were all pretty short term & paid pretty abysmally but they were jobs nonetheless. 

At one point while Sam was in the Glee Club, he also joined the swimming team for a while, as well as the football team (and had the quarterback position for a while). Not to mention the fact that he regularly volunteers at homeless shelters for no other reason than the fact that he can (although he somewhat knows what it’s like to lose the roof over your head). He also worked at Dairy Queen, was a night time pizza delivery boy and was also an exotic dancer. 

He might look lazy, he might look spacey and distracted but nobody in the world can convince me that Sam Evans doesn’t work fucking hard. He was doing all of this to try and maintain his status at high school (re: popular kid) as well as bring in enough money to help out with the rent for the motel room, groceries each week & anything that his siblings might need (school books, shoes, shirts, etc). 

Speaking of the motel room ... the motel room that Sam and his family stayed in wasn’t all that big. There was one double bed in the room, with a very small TV and a dresser. There was no indication as to whether or not there was a kitchen (I assume there would be, however small) or a bathroom (again, I assume there was - it was probably just very small). That motel room was bursting at the seems, given that it was intended to sleep two people and instead had FIVE in there. The double bed would have been for mom and dad and there was a small fold up bed to the side, which I assume would have been for the kids to sleep on in the head & tail position. Sam wouldn’t have let his parents or his siblings sleep on the floor, which left only him to sleep on it. All the while working, attending Glee club as well as other after school clubs & acting like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. 

Sam absolutely does the same thing that Fiona (Gallagher - Shameless) does in regards to saving up money. He works as many side jobs as he can, preferably ones that are cash in hand & hire under 18s, then puts the funds in a pot and hides it away, makes sure to write down how much he earned that night and keep a tally so that he knows what they can afford for the week / month, in regards to bills and other household needs. He doesn’t buy things for himself, he can’t afford luxuries even on a good payment - everything he earns goes towards his siblings care, his parents and the house/motel. He always runs himself down and stretches himself as thin as possible to make ends meet and to make sure that his family have food on the table because he’s the only one of the three kids that can legally work. 

PERSONALITY .

Sam is insanely loyal. To the point where, if he trusted you, he would follow you into battle (or an equally dangerous situation with little to no care about himself). He is an insanely loyal friend, will always protect them and be by their side & defend them when they’re not there, to bullies and the likes. 

Unconventionally smart. Doesn’t really understand much about the real world & its details but can name all of the hobbits in Lord of the Rings as well as nearly every character / spell from Harry Potter. Likes to use fictional situations and apply them to the real world and nine times out of ten, it works.

Cares far too much. Has an incredibly big heart. Always working on himself, always working to become a better person with better ideals. Very open minded and accepting of everyone in the world. Is full of tons of love, even after all that he’s been through. Hasn’t let the world corrupt him too much just yet.

Funny. Likes to make jokes, likes to do dumb impressions that he knows are cheesy or a little bit stupid so long as it makes his friends smile because that’s all he wants to do, make his friends laugh, smile & forget their problems for a minute or two. 

Not much of a talker but a very good listener. Will listen to your problems and try his best to offer up some kind of solution or advice. Very empathetic, will try and put himself in his friends’ shoes to understand their problems if possible. 

Compassionate. Full of excitement. Loves to be around his friends. It gives him energy. Isn’t so much a fan of strangers, though. 

HOBBIES .

Sam is really really good at Macaroni Art (as seen in Guilty Pleasures).

He is also pretty damn good at playing the guitar. Nine times out of ten, he only has to hear a song play once or twice before he can play it almost perfectly on the guitar.

Not to mention the fact that Sam is a big ass nerd. He loves playing Video Games. No matter the console. Most of the time, he’d play on his friends consoles when he was invited over for dinner or for a sleepover. His family couldn’t afford a console of their own for a long time.

Pokémon is one of his all time favourite games to play, along with Mario Kart, Super Mario Brothers & The Sims. He likes a lot of games but those are definitely his top contenders. 

He likes playing board games, too. Like snakes & ladders, monopoly & checkers.

[outta-the-junkyard-angel]

⌜TASK 005: CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE.⌟

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

I’m 5′6. and slender. That good enough?

2. How old is he?

19. 

3. Describe his posture. Does he/she carry himself well or does he/she slouch?  

I feel like I carry myself well when I’m moving. If you look more confident, people are less likely to mess with you. When I sit, I usually slouch but that’s because I hate class and don’t want to be there.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

I guess I’m fit? No conditions or anything.

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

Graceful I guess. Or fluid? Aren’t those the same? I’m not clumsy, that’s for sure.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

That’s gonna depend on the opinion of others, isn’t it? I’d say I’m average. These questions are dumb, by the way.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

Since the move to L.A. I usually stay pretty tan. Shout out to that sunshine.

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

Long, blonde, wavy. (x)

9. What color are his/her eyes?

Brown. 

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

No.

11. What are his/her chief tension centers?

My shoulders.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit?

Casual I guess? I wear what I can get my hands on. I’m not a big fan of dresses or anything like that but I wear them when I have to. (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)

13. Do his/her clothes fit well? Does he/she seem comfortable in them?

Sometimes they fit. Sometimes they’re too big or too small. Again, I take what I can get. I wouldn’t wear them if they weren’t comfortable.

14. Does he/she dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

Currently unemployed.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Boyshorts.

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

Normal? I don’t fucking know.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?

Evenly I guess. I only talk loudly when I get pissed off or excited. And I guess easily. 

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

Uh...I’m from Connecticut, so I guess I have an accent to all these folks from L.A? I don’t think anything else really sets me apart.

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?

I speak one. I speak English.

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

No.

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?

I’m good at impromptu speaking.

7. Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

I’d say eloquent if it weren’t for the cursing. The only time I usually get nervous enough to become inarticulate is when I’m stressed out...so...around a certain jackass for example.

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?

I’m street smart. Not so book smart.

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?

I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet.

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

I guess I’m more intuitive? I wouldn’t necessarily call myself logical. I think I’m more practical, but I’m sure there are people who’d argue that.

4. What kind of education has the character had?

Public school until I ran away. Then Walt Academy and now Walt University.

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?

Areas of expertise? Uh...avoiding the police...hot wiring cars...pick pocketing or providing distractions so others can. I’d like to learn some more useful skills. But I’d rather learn in a hands on environment, not in a classroom.

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?

Extrovert.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

Generally I’m in a good mood, but we all have our off days. I’m pretty laid back.

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

I wouldn’t call it suspicious. I’d call it aware. I stay pretty relaxed, but I’m still aware of their actions and what’s going on around me.

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?

Act.

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?

Usually fight unless I know it’s gonna land me in jail.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

I guess I have a dark sense of humor.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?

No.

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?

Going through five families. Meeting Buster and joining The Junkyard Dogs...meeting Tenderfoot. Coming to Walt. Meeting my birth parents.

14. What does he/she fear?

Being alone, never finding a place I belong.

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?

Having a family of my own. 

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?

I think I’d die if anyone found out how powerless I was when dating Brett. How much I lost myself during the course of that relationship.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.

Ha. 

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

Knowing my parents? Probably. They probably got dumped at an orphanage too.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?

No.

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?

Silvermist, Alice, Merida. They’re my best friends. My sisters.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

Tenderfoot. He tripped over his own feet in an alleyway and crashed into some trashcans. Dumb ass. 

6. Does he/she have other close friends?

Wally

7. Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?

Depends on the type of person.

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?

My friends are my family.

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?

It’s...complicated? Never been married, though.

10. Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

I don’t have a spouse.

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?

The first crush that lasted more than a day was Brett. Tenderfoot is the latest.

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?

Someone who respects me and treats me like a human being. Someone who sees the dark parts in me and lets me see those parts of them. 

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?

No kids. I’d like kids someday.

14. Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?

Probably. I don’t give a fuck. 

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?

Uh, I’m straight. I don’t know where I fall on the scale.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?

It can be great but I’m doing just fine without it.

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

Neck kissing is a definite turn on. Turn offs are bad breath and body odor. No weird bedroom habits...I don’t think.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?

Scorpio. I fit it well in some aspects. I’m loyal and resourceful. I can be suspicious and jealous...and stubborn.

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?

Neither. They’re not.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

I guess. I would say it began with me raising myself. Breaking that code to save the life of someone I cared about. 

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

Tolerant. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, it’s not any of my business.

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?

I mean, I don’t get along with stuck up people. That’s about it. 

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Poor.

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?

Outcast? Rebel? I don’t fucking know.

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?

In the dorms. It’s just a place to crash and I share it with a roommate.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?

Nothing. I don’t have extra money.

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?

I’m unemployed but looking.

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?

I don’t know. I like adventures? I spend my free time with my friends.

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

I’m not picky. I try to eat regularly and mostly in the school cafeteria. Which is gross by the way. 

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his/her favorite:

1. Color?   

Black.

2. Smell?

Outside. Like...just that clean refreshing scent that clings to the skin after being outside.

3. Time of day? 

Evening.

4. Season? 

Summer

5. Book? 

The Glass Castle

6. Music? 

Pop Punk I guess?

7. Place? 

The park with Tenderfoot

8. Substance? 

None?

9. Plant? 

Daffodils

10. Animal?

Dogs