#he thinks he’s so cool probably playing the offspring in his head the entire time he’s a vampire

[stevebeginnings]

lived. served cunt. exploded

[ddarker-dreams]

Thinking about HxH Feitan, Chrollo and Phinks and that dad energy. Chrollo and Phinks def give girl dads while feitan gives boy dad. Throw HWR as mom and it’s still the same combinations

PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i'm gonna lose it............. listen........... this is too cute.......... i must contribute my thoughts because this concept is living rent free in my head now.

phinks wants to be the cool dad. he is in his daughter’s eyes, but looks like a dork to everyone else. you’ll peak into her room and see him, this absolute menace of a man, sitting at her little table and conversing with the stuffed animal tea time participants. sometimes wearing a tutu. other times with smudged makeup she swiped from your bathroom to apply on her papa. he goes IN during play time/any make believe stuff. your daughter can tell him how mr. snufflewuggle has been spreading mean rumors and the man will suplex that stuffed bear. no mercy. no chill. no one shit talks his baby, imaginary or not. phinks probably forgets he shouldn’t cuss around her and one of her first words is 100% gonna be a giggly exclamation of shit! or something. he’s sweating. murmuring about how he’s gotta fix this before mommy finds out and suplexes him... 

chrollo is the cool dad that phinks aspires to be. you have to stop him from critiquing the children’s books that you both read to her at night. and yes he does voices for each character. he’ll hold onto his thoughts for when she falls asleep and later discusses the plot holes and such with you present in the story, offers macbeth or something as an alternative. you vetoed the idea. he’s extremely interested in hearing the unfiltered thoughts of your daughter. kids will just say anything that comes to mind and he finds it hilarious. maaaybe until she pokes the symbol on his forehead and calls it “weird”. he swears it didn’t hurt his feelings but you know the truth. your daughter is gonna be coming out on TOP for every summer reading deal. no competition. she wants to be just like her papa and mama so she joins you both in the living room with her own books. he’ll be reading one of the original king james editions of the bible, you’ll be reading pride and prejudice, and she’ll be reading junie b jones. it’s all as it should be. 

feitan would take a bit to warm up to his offspring, but by the time the little guy says dada, he’s ready to die for him. won’t ever admit it though. feitan doesn’t really understand the timeline of childhood development so he’ll be asking why the dude isn’t walking when he’s like. a month old. you have to explain those chubby little legs aren’t going places anytime soon. since you both fight with swords, it’s inevitable your son is going to take an interest in the art too. your style is a bit cleaner and follows techniques taught in branches of sword fighting, whereas feitan is entirely self-taught. your son would probably end up learning both and alternate between them depending on the situation. feitan is not looking forward to the day his son grows taller than him... it wounds his pride juuuust the tiniest amount. starts asking you if you can take milk out of the kid’s diet when it looks like he’s getting close to overtaking him in height. :(

[apsaraqueen]

options

another day, another gift! this one’s for the marvelous @leondaltons, one of the hardworking mods at @ssminibang and truly one of the loveliest people in this little corner of fandom. enjoy!

title: options fandom: Sailor Moon characters/ships: Minako/Venus x reincarnated!Kunzite, with a side of reincarnated!Nephrite  rating: R for some slightly limey content

Khaleid knows better than to try and keep her to himself when she’s in this state; it would be like trying to put a mountain lion to bed, or swallow the sun.

options

At night they go to a bar Nacio recommends. Dark, cramped, and dirty, just like all the places Nacio likes, “run by Argentines,” he says dismissively, “so the asado’s not bad.” He comes along, too, “to get them a seat” but Khaleid suspects it’s for dinner on their dime. He orders expansively: ribeyes, chorizo, morcilla, salad to share. Two bottles of Salta red. The three squeeze into a table for two on the sidewalk, where it smells smoky from the grill out back. Nacio and Mina’s knees bump under the table; Khaleid turns his outward, facing the curb. He lights a cigarette, watches the crowds on the street thicken curdlike, chattering and laughing. He feels out of place and terribly old. It’s past midnight. Music - music everywhere.

“I like this wine,” says Mina, a bottle and some later, a little drunk or pretending to be. Not easy for Khaleid to tell, even among friends. Her eyes are bright, hectic. “A lot. What is it?”

Nacio grins. “This, madame, is a noble Bordeaux varietal made in the Argentinean style.” Across the street, a busker sends a pointedly hopeful twang of his guitar in their direction. “Tobacco, vanilla bean, ripe black cherries.” Their friend looks thoughtful. “A little horse shit.”

When Mina laughs her head tips all the way back and it sounds like two glasses striking each other on the edge of excessive force, ringing and anticipatory. It’s how she laughs when she wants you to know what a good time she’s having, and very likely she is, snatching bites of beef and vinegared tomatoes out of their pink juices, washing them down with mouthfuls of wine. Khaleid knows better than to try and keep her to himself when she’s in this state; it would be like trying to put a mountain lion to bed, or swallow the sun. She has innumerable moods, some even tending to tranquility. Later he’ll have her, in the turmeric light staining the dark hotel window. She’ll come down slow, arms wound about his neck, her gaze warming. She’ll touch the hair escaping his tail, his temple, her thumb on his cheekbone; sighing, soft.

Or perhaps she’ll kick open the door and yank him inside, press him to the wall and slide her hand down his trousers. She’ll be insistent, combative, the slim knife of her heel grazing a warning along his calf and her teeth at his ear; always knowing the exact mileage between where he is and the dark precipice to which she can drive him. Her hands are small but not soft. They’ll close around his collar and pull, backing them up to the nearest flat surface, and anyone looking in from the outside would think he was the one walking her to it. She is ardent but precise: desire has its cadence, its thrums and pauses, and like any player, even when in its throes, she can’t help but play. The knowledge that she goes further with him than with anyone is more than enough. Khaleid knows better than to ask her to be who she can’t be.

After they’ve done she’ll stretch herself out along his side and fall deeply asleep, instantaneous. Like a light being flicked off, throaty little snores emptied between his shoulder and neck. Or she’ll stare up at the dark ceiling a moment, eyes flaring wide, then fling herself resolutely into the shower, the room billowing with the steam off her skin. Neither of these options leaves him colder than the other. When he’ll press his nose into her discarded clothes they’ll smell like the must of her body and her floral, indolic perfume. Breathing in he thinks he smells it even now, through the waft of charred meat and warm asphalt, and he can draw a direct line between the selves occupying this table, in this moment, and the selves they’ll occupy tonight, later tonight, this morning. He thinks of her as the changeable one but perhaps that’s not entirely true. Within himself there are so many ways to want her.

“Khaleid?”

Nacio’s voice brings him back. Khaleid blinks, just once.

“What do you think?” Mina rests her elbows on the rickety table. Her thin gold chain slips out from the bodice of her black dress, flickering palely. “We’ve only asked you twice already.”

The cigarette between his fingers is half ash; the rest of it has fallen on his trousers. On his plate the meat has gone cold and purple and the wine in his glass is hardly much different. When he looks at Nacio he finds his old friend’s gaze traveling over him. Glittering, dark.

“Well, shit,” he murmurs. “Guess I’ve overstayed.” He stands, hands in pockets. “Enjoy what’s left of dinner.” He nods at Khaleid. “And the rest of the night. Hope I left enough for you both.”

“There’s still plenty of food,” Mina says. “And Mako’s probably asleep with the girls already.”

“Not what I meant,” says Nacio cryptically. “Anyway, it’s late. Time I got back to my pornographically beautiful wife and perfect, angelic offspring. Boring family man, you know.” He pats his pocket, where Khaleid can see the bulge of his wallet. “Buenas noches, friends.”

“Did you say this would be our treat,” Mina begins, moments after he’s left earshot. She frowns as she watches him round the crowded corner. “And what happened to dancing?”

Her hand small in his, not soft. She shifts her cool gaze to him, electric eyes questioning.

“Never mind.” Khaleid leans forward, stubs his cigarette in the bowl. “We have other options.”

[babysizedfics]

Little Accidents, Big Developments

Chapter 3: Roman’s Remorse

[This is an age regression story]

Chapter Summary: Virgil tries his best at a big kid game, Logan supervises, Roman makes a mistake, and Patton tries to console his little prince.

Chapter word count: 7,500

Other chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / bonus

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

oOo

‘Come hither, squire,’ Roman called down the hallway. ‘The handsome prince awaits our rescue!’

 Quick footsteps met his ears and, after a moment, Roman saw Virgil hurrying around the hallway corner. There was a large bundle of green fluff in his arms.

 ‘Vee, no,’ Roman groaned and threw his head back. Did this baby know nothing about playing Knights and Dragons? ‘You can’t cuddle the dragon! We just defeated him, he’s supposed to be dead.’

 Virgil pulled Minty closer to him and frowned at Roman. He was probably pouting behind his pacifier, too.

 ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Roman narrowed his eyes at his brother.

 It wasn’t very often that Virgil was able to play games with Roman. Being so young when he regressed, baby Vee didn’t usually have much energy and always liked to do stuff like nap and play quietly with his soft toys. Boring stuff that Roman wouldn’t be able to put up with for more than two minutes. Though that morning, Virgil had been in a rare, playful mood. Roman was never one to miss an opportunity, so he roped his little brother into playing make-believe with him.

 But Virgil wasn’t really getting the hang of this game. He couldn’t keep up when Roman ran from room to room to escape their enemies (the roles mostly being filled out by their various toys). Then, when their enemies inevitably caught them, it was hard to defeat them because Virgil didn’t like hitting things - even if it was just pretending. If that wasn’t annoying enough, now he was cuddling their most recent kill!

 ‘Go put him back,’ Roman demanded and pointed down the hallway.

 Virgil just whined and hugged the toy tighter.

 ‘Let him cuddle the dinosaur, Roman,’ Logan’s muffled call came from where they had left him in the living room. (He was the evil wizard whom Roman valiantly defeated a few minutes ago.)

 ‘But it’s meant to be a dead dragon!’ Roman yelled back.

 ‘Cubble,’ Virgil argued quietly, his eyes pleading with Roman.

 Roman didn’t get why Virgil tried to talk with a pacifier in his mouth. It just made him sound silly.

 ‘Fine, whatever,’ Roman sighed. Yes, and, after all. He tried to get back into character by standing tall with his hands on his hips. ‘Why, young squire, it appears you have adopted the dragon’s harmless, orphaned offspring!’

 Virgil nodded enthusiastically and giggled.

 ‘And now we must scale this tower and rescue the prince of my dreams!’ Roman declared.

 He pointed to the top of the stairs where his teddy bear, Aladdin, was slumped on the landing.

 ‘Thairs?’ Virgil lisped, pointing at the stairs.

 ‘No, tower,’ Roman corrected. Whatever happened to suspension of disbelief? ‘Come on, we’re wasting time! He’s gonna get bored and find another knight to marry!’

 Roman started climbing the stairs on his knees and made an exaggerated effort to make it look like a gruelling task. He heard Virgil start to climb up carefully behind him and grinned. Virgil always followed him whenever they played together and it made Roman feel important. His baby brother copied him because Roman was older and bigger and braver and he would protect Vee from anything that might hurt him!

 There was a small gasp and Roman whipped his head around just in time to see Virgil stumble off from the third step. He had apparently not wanted to let go of his toy while climbing and lost his balance. The regressor fell backwards and landed on his butt at the bottom of the stairs. It didn’t take long for his face to crumple.

 ‘Dad!’ Roman shouted quickly.

 He wasn’t too worried about his brother being hurt; Virgil hadn’t fallen far or very hard. It wasn’t like he was a real baby who could hurt himself so easily. But he was a crybaby. The sooner their dad got there, the sooner Virgil would quit blubbering, and the sooner they could go back to playing.

 ‘What’s up, my sweet spoonful of royal icing?’ Patton called, popping his head out from the kitchen.

 The corners of Roman’s lips pulled up at the silly nickname. Though his smile dropped when Patton gasped, his eyes on Virgil who was now crying silently on the floor.

 ‘What happened?’ Patton asked, hurrying over to the sniffling boy.

 ‘He’s fine.’ Roman rolled his eyes and plopped down to sit on the step he was on. Dad worried way too much. ‘He only fell a little bit.’

 Patton ignored Roman and kneeled on the floor beside Virgil, running his hands over Virgil’s head to check for any bumps. Virgil whined, trying to dodge the touch and reaching his arms out to him.

 ‘We can cuddle in just a sec, sweetie pie,’ Patton said.

 When he inevitably found no injury he scooped Virgil into his arms. Roman’s heart sunk. It wasn’t that he needed a hug. He wasn’t the one crying, after all… But it didn’t feel nice being left out.

 ‘Poor baby, did you have a little tumble?’ Patton cooed.

 Virgil nodded and buried his teary eyes on Patton’s shoulder.

 ‘Barely,’ Roman grumbled and rested his head on the banister with a pout. ‘Dunno why he’s crying about it.’

 ‘Any small slip is enough to trigger fear, Roman,’ Logan said, approaching from around the corner of the hallway. ‘Virgil clearly had a bit of a scare.’

 Roman stayed quiet at that. He obviously didn’t want Virgil to be scared, but it happened all the time. It was hard to have fun when Vee kept getting upset every few minutes.

 ‘Are you all right, little one?’ Logan asked as he kneeled down beside the two on the floor.

 The nickname made Roman frown. Since when did Logan start using terms of endearment? And how come he never talked to Roman like that?

 Instead of voicing these thoughts, Roman instead opted to make an exaggerated gagging sound.

 ‘Roman,’ Patton scolded, ‘that wasn’t very nice.’

 ‘Mom never used to say that stuff,’ Roman mumbled, picking at his fingernails.

 ‘How did you fall over, Vee?’ Logan asked, ignoring Roman completely. Roman grit his teeth.

 Not crying anymore - finally - Virgil pulled his face off from Patton’s shoulder and pointed at the staircase.

 ‘Twower.’

 Realisation dawned on Logan’s face. Roman didn’t like the way his mom looked at him like he had done something wrong.

 ‘Is this what you meant when you said you were climbing a tower?’ Logan questioned. ‘You tried to lead Virgil up the stairs?’

 ‘Well… yeah,’ Roman said quietly, not sure why it felt like he was going to be told off. Again.

 ‘Roman, you shouldn’t try to take Vee up the stairs on your own,’ Patton said gently. ‘You know he’s not very stable on his feet when he’s regressed.’

 ‘But what else could be the tower?’ Roman countered. ‘We can’t climb anything else.’

 ‘No, you can’t. But you must let either me or your Dad help Virgil up the stairs in the future,’ Logan said firmly. ‘Do you understand?’

 Logan’s hand had rested on Patton’s shoulder while he was speaking. The three of them were crouched together on the floor now, all holding each other and looking like a perfect little family.

 Roman saw red.

 ‘Yeah, I understand,’ he growled and crossed his arms. ‘I understand that you think I’m a bad brother!’

 ‘I never said that,’ Logan argued.

 ‘You’re not a bad brother, sweetheart,’ Patton said. ‘We just want you to be a little bit more careful in the future, that’s all.’

 ‘But it wasn’t my fault he fell!’ Roman cried indignantly. ‘He was still holding his toy, he should’ve held onto the handrail!’

 Virgil whimpered when he raised his voice and Patton pulled the boy into his lap, shushing him gently. Roman winced at the reaction. He knew his brother didn’t like loud noises or arguments and Roman did want to apologise to him… but that would kind of ruin his whole argument.

 ‘We’re not saying it’s your fault, little prince,’ Patton said kindly. ‘Are we, Logan?’

 ‘Not… entirely,’ Logan hesitated. The glare Roman sent him was well-deserved, Roman thought. ‘Though it may prevent future injury if next time you instead ask one of us to help Virgil.’

 ‘He’s not hurt, though,’ Roman whined. Why did they think he wasn’t taking proper care of his brother? It’s not like Roman pushed him.

 ‘No hurp,’ Virgil babbled through his pacifier and held his hands up to Logan, showing that they were uninjured.

 Roman felt a warmth in his chest at seeing his little brother stick up for him.

 Logan’s posture softened and he reached forward to tickle lightly at Virgil’s palms with a soft smile. Virgil giggled and his hands retreated to clutch onto his dino toy again. It was kind of cool how Virgil got his voice to sound like an actual toddler’s, Roman had no idea how he did it.

 ‘You’re right, little prince,’ Logan said quietly.

 He seemed to have cooled down a bit after playing with Virgil. Roman wished he could get Logan to stop being grumpy so easily. He probably wasn’t cute enough.

 ‘Your brother didn’t hurt himself this time, but we don’t want it to happen again just in case next time he does hurt himself,’ Logan explained patiently and Roman pouted at the thought. ‘Does that make sense, Roman?’

 ‘Yeah,’ Roman mumbled to his feet. He really didn’t want that to happen. ‘Fine, I won’t do it again.’

 ‘Thank you,’ Logan said kindly. ‘You are a very caring big brother, aren’t you?’

 Roman looked up, feeling a spark of joy. Mom was smiling at him now.

 ‘Yeah!’ he agreed enthusiastically and darted back down the stairs.

 ‘Careful!’ Patton winced and held his hand out to him in case he fell.

 ‘No running down the stairs, either,’ Logan sighed.

 When Roman reached the bottom he kneeled next to Virgil carefully. ‘Still brothers?’

 Virgil nodded eagerly. Then he seemed to think something through for a second before dropping Minty and leaning forward to latch onto Roman in a tight hug.

 Roman blinked for a moment then wrapped his arms around Virgil’s shoulders, sighing in relief. He always made sure to check they were still brothers after something bad happened, just in case Virgil changed his mind about wanting Roman as his big brother. He really didn’t want Virgil to change his mind. It wasn’t a nice feeling when brothers got split up.

 ‘Aww, you little cuties!’ Patton gushed and ruffled Roman’s hair.

 Roman swiped the hand away with a grumble, but there was a slight giggle behind it. The movement caused Virgil to let go of Roman and he cuddled back into his papa. It didn’t bother Roman too much; everyone knew Patton gave the best cuddles.

 ‘I think you’ve both run around quite enough today,’ Patton said, wrapping his arms around Vee protectively. ‘How about we all have some quiet time together?’

 ‘But we didn’t finish my game,’ Roman pouted.

 ‘Sorry, honey. I don’t think this little baby is up to playing anymore,’ Patton whispered with an apologetic smile. He rocked Virgil slightly in his hold and the younger boy’s eyes shut instantly.

 ‘It appears your squire has been captured,’ Logan suddenly announced in a deep, airy voice.

 Roman’s heart leapt in excitement and he grinned up at his mom. That was the evil wizard’s voice!

 ‘This… sleep siren has used his wily charm to incapacitate your little friend,’ Logan indicated Virgil who sighed sleepily and nuzzled closer to a very confused Patton.

 ‘So the evil wizard has returned from the dead! I thought I had bested you on the moors,’ Roman cried and leapt onto his feet and into character.

 ‘Foolish mortal, you cannot best the greatest wizard of the land,’ Logan replied very seriously and stood up swiftly. ‘I shall kidnap the handsome prince for myself.’

 ‘No,’ Roman whinged and stomped his foot. He wanted to marry Aladdin!

 ‘That wasn’t very knightly of you,’ Logan smirked. ‘You’ll have to do better than throw a tantrum to defeat me.’

 ‘Well… I secretly put some wizard glue on the floor before you got here,’ Roman said triumphantly, proud of his fast-thinking, ‘and now you’re stuck!’

 ‘I’m the greatest wizard of the land,’ Logan frowned, ‘I could easily -’

 ‘Logan,’ Patton whispered and shook his head up at him.

 ‘Fine… Ahhh,’ Logan cried monotonously, tugging at his leg which he kept firmly on the floor despite his best “efforts”. ‘My greatest weakness: imaginary glue.’

 Roman laughed and scrambled up the stairs to claim the teddy bear.

 ‘I saved the prince!’ Roman cried to the people at the bottom of the stairs, holding the toy up in victory.

 ‘Hooray!’ Patton beamed and started very gently clapping - probably for Virgil’s benefit.

 Virgil had apparently woken up slightly from the commotion. He copied his papa by tapping his hands together, giggling quietly.

 ‘Alas,’ Logan sighed, ‘I have been beaten.’

 ‘Evil has been defeated!’ Roman yelled proudly. ‘Now me and my prince can marry and live happily ever after!’

 ‘Kith,’ Virgil squeaked and pointed at him.

 ‘No, his name’s Aladdin,’ Roman corrected. What kind of a princely name was Keith?

 ‘Kiss?’ Patton repeated.

 ‘Oh, that’s right, Virgil,’ Logan said then smirked up at Roman. ‘Did you not say you would marry the prince, brave knight?’

 ‘Yeah?’ Roman frowned.

 ‘Well then, you may now kiss the groom!’ Patton giggled.

 Roman looked between them and Aladdin and felt a blush warm his cheeks. It was suddenly a bit embarrassing to marry his teddy bear in front of his family. But they were all staring at him and clearly wouldn’t look away until Roman complied.

 Well, he had to give his fans what they wanted… He shut his eyes tightly and pressed a quick peck to the teddy bear’s mouth. They all broke out in laughing cheers and Roman smiled shyly back at them.

 Virgil nodded lightly and then dropped his head back to Patton’s shoulder. Roman guessed he was happy with how it turned out.

 ‘Mazel tov!’ Patton cried happily. ‘Or should I say muzzle tov. Y’know, ‘cause he’s a bear?’

 ‘Congratulations to Roman and Aladdin,’ Logan said, ignoring Patton’s pun. ‘Now, I think that wraps things up rather nicely. Wouldn’t you say, Roman?’

 ‘Okay, fine,’ Roman admitted and walked back downstairs with Aladdin still clutched in his hand. ‘I guess my game’s done now. Thanks for playing with me Mom and Vee.’

 ‘It was my pleasure,’ Logan nodded much too formally.

 ‘Baby, do you want to say something to your brother?’ Patton whispered, jostling Virgil gently.

 ‘Wuvoo, Wo-Wo,’ Virgil mumbled tiredly without opening his eyes.

 Roman’s eyebrows shot up. Virgil had never said that to him before!

 ‘Uh… love you too, Vee-Vee,’ Roman muttered quietly, twisting Aladdin’s fur between his fingers.

 ‘Ohmygosh,’ Patton squeaked, and his face was red with how much he was clearly trying to contain an outburst of emotion. He clutched Virgil tighter. ‘You - I - They -’

 ‘Alright, I suggest we move into the living room to watch a Disney film before your Dad figuratively combusts,’ Logan muttered to Roman.

 ‘Lilo & Stitch!’ Roman yelled instantly.

 Virgil appeared to wake up at that and his head raised off of Patton’s shoulder like a meerkat’s.

 ‘Are you happy with that, sweetheart?’ Patton asked him.

 ‘Thich!’ Virgil babbled and started bouncing lightly on Patton’s lap. The moral side had to quickly tighten his hold to stop him from sliding off completely.

 ‘I’m quite sure that’s a yes,’ Logan chuckled and led the way to the living room.

 oOo

 The movie was well underway and Roman was splayed out on the carpet, his head propped on his hands and his legs kicking idly in the air. He sucked at the straw of his sippy cup happily, for once not adding his input to the movie. It wasn’t often he watched a Disney film without bouncing around in excitement, commenting on it constantly and reciting the lines to his favourite scenes. But this time he was pretty tired from running around so much earlier. (Though he definitely would have denied his exhaustion if either of his caregivers pointed it out.)

 Virgil’s previous enthusiasm didn’t last for long either. His love for the movie had given him energy enough to toddle into the living room with the others, but as soon as Patton sat him down on the couch he had melted right into it.

 Around half an hour into the screening, Roman heard something drop on the carpet behind him. He twisted his head to see Virgil’s pacifier had dropped right by his feet. Lifting his gaze he could see that it had fallen from where Virgil was now drooling into Minty’s fur, fast asleep.

 Roman giggled. Silly baby! It couldn’t be that hard to keep a paci in your mouth. He crawled over to pick it up. His caregivers always gave him lots of praise when he helped to clean up after Vee.

 ‘Oh, thank you, sweetie,’ Patton whispered, holding his hand out for the pacifier.

 Roman looked up to smile at him but paused. Patton and Logan were glued to each other’s sides, their heads resting against each other and their hands intertwined in Patton’s lap. Roman’s smile twisted into a knowing smirk.

 Patton blushed and gently dropped Logan’s hand, while Logan cleared his throat and sat upright.

 ‘No problem, Padre.’ Roman dropped the paci in Patton’s waiting hand then winked at them both before turning away.

 He crawled back to his place on the carpet and collapsed onto his stomach again. There was a heavy, sinking feeling inside his belly, though it didn’t have anything to do with the sudden movement. He felt unsure of himself after that interaction. Was it too grown-up of him to have winked at Patton and Logan? Was it weird or wrong that he still thought of them as Patton and Logan, and not just Dad and Mom? He picked at his fingernail.

 Roman sometimes felt iffy about how easy it was to come out of his littlespace. His brother’s regression seemed so much more… real than Roman’s age dreaming. Even now, Virgil had just fallen asleep on the couch like an actual baby, but here Roman was teasing his caregivers because he could tell they were attracted to each other. Was a child even supposed to notice something like that?

 He turned his attention back to the film with a sigh and did his best to fall back into his littlespace. He couldn’t break character like that again; Logan and Patton wouldn’t want anything to do with him if they knew he was just pretending to be a kid.

 ‘Excuse me,’ he heard Logan announce quietly. Then there was some shuffling and the sound of the door opening.

 Logan had clearly left, though Roman pretended not to notice. Kids weren’t meant to notice.

 ‘I’m sorry I bit you… And pulled your hair… And punched you in the face,’ Lilo said on the screen.

 ‘Apology not accepted,’ her rival, Mertle, replied. ‘Now get outta my way before I run you over.’

 Roman frowned at the film and rolled over to pout at his dad.

 ‘What’s wrong, little prince?’ Patton asked worriedly.

 For a moment, it almost seemed like all of Patton’s attention was directed at him. But then Roman noticed that Patton had pulled Virgil’s feet into his lap and was stroking his legs softly. Roman felt a spark of jealousy in his tummy. It wasn’t fair, Virgil always got cuddles and strokes; even when he was sleeping apparently!

 ‘How come Mertle doesn’t just say it’s okay and then play with Lilo and Stitch?’ Roman asked. He tried to insert enough childish confusion into his voice to garner sympathy.

 ‘Aw, sweetheart,’ Patton cooed. ‘That would be lovely, but it’s up to Mertle if she forgives Lilo.’

 ‘But Lilo is cool and nice and she apologised,’ Roman said, not needing to feign his confusion anymore.

 ‘She still hurt Mertle’s feelings, though.’ Patton absentmindedly ran his fingers over Virgil’s ankles, eliciting a happy hum from the regressor.

 ‘But Lilo is the hero,’ Roman argued, ‘and people are supposed to like the hero!’

 Virgil whimpered quietly in his sleep and curled into himself a little.

 ‘Remember, quiet voices,’ Patton whispered with his finger held against his lips.

 Roman copied the action and giggled quietly. It was fun to copy his dad.

 ‘It would be very kind of Mertle to forgive Lilo,’ Patton agreed, ‘but sometimes just because you say you’re sorry doesn’t make it better.’

 Roman didn’t feel very good hearing that.

 ‘The most important thing is that Lilo did apologise,’ Patton said cheerily.

 ‘I guess,’ Roman muttered.

 ‘Patton,’ Logan’s voice suddenly called from outside the living room, ‘could you please assist me with… something?’

 ‘Do you think you can be a big boy and watch your brother for me?’ Patton asked, seeming excited for some reason. (Big Roman knew the reason. But little Roman shouldn’t have.)

 ‘Okay, Dad,’ Roman nodded, smiling innocently.

 Patton very carefully lifted Virgil’s feet off of him and onto the couch, sighing in relief when he didn’t stir. He stood up from the couch but hesitated when he looked back down at the napping boy.

 ‘I’m gonna take really good care of him, I promise,’ Roman said, knowing his dad would be nervous to leave the baby. Maybe separation anxiety worked both ways sometimes.

 ‘I know you are, little prince,’ Patton whispered then reached down to squeeze Roman’s foot teasingly before quickly tiptoeing out.

 ‘Da-ad!’ Roman giggled, curling his toes away from the ghost tickles. He peeked over at Vee to check that his laughter hadn’t disturbed his little brother. Virgil was still deep asleep, so Roman turned back to the film happily.

 A few minutes went by in peace. Roman did his best to giggle quietly at the funny training montage in the film, but soon lost out and was cackling at Stitch’s silliness. He heard a shift behind him, but Virgil didn’t cry or say anything so Roman just kept watching the film. Vee probably woke up then got too distracted by the movie to care about his papa being gone,

 When Lilo pulled out her diagram of how bad Stitch was, Roman rolled his eyes at the screen.

 ‘Why do people always use red to show badness?’ he asked, then turned around to see Virgil. ‘Red is an awesome colour!’

 Virgil was sitting ramrod straight and looking at him with wide eyes.

 ‘What’s wrong?’ Roman asked, frowning. Virgil usually looked sad if his papa left the room, but this time he looked scared in a different way.

 Virgil’s mouth stayed firmly shut and he pulled his legs to his chest. It was very slow as if trying not to alert Roman to the movement. It didn’t work though, and quickly drew Roman’s attention to a big wet patch on the couch cushion.

 ‘Oh, shoot, did you spill your juice?’ Roman said and shuffled around so he could sit on his feet to get a better look.

 He was confused to see Virgil’s sippy cup still half-full on the floor where he had left it. Then Roman looked back at the couch and his eyebrows shot up. Virgil’s butt and the top half of his jeans were even wetter than the couch. Roman’s mouth dropped open and he looked back up at Virgil’s reddening face.

 Laughter rose in Roman’s chest. ‘Wait, did you -’ he snorted and covered his mouth.

 Virgil sat frozen stiff.

 ‘Did you just pee your pants?’ Roman asked incredulously, his face stretching into an amused grin.

 Virgil’s head shook rapidly, even as his hands clutched the wet cushion so tightly it looked about ready to tear open. It was the least convincing thing Roman had ever seen.

 So he burst out laughing.

 ‘Oh my gosh,’ he gasped through his chuckles, ‘I can’t believe you actually -’ His amusement was suddenly drowned out by a choked sob. Roman was stunned into silence and sobered from his amusement instantly when he saw the look on his brother’s face.

 Tears were dripping from Virgil’s chin and he looked completely horrified, shaking in his seat and hugging his knees tightly.

 Roman’s blood ran cold. What the heck was he doing?!

 ‘W-wait, I’m sorry,’ Roman immediately said, voice shaky and completely devoid of humour. ‘I didn’t mean it, Vee!’

 Why was he making fun of his baby brother? Why did he laugh at him? He scrambled to kneel in front of Virgil on the carpet, trying to make eye contact with him to show just how serious he was. Virgil shut his eyes tightly.

 ‘I’m sorry,’ Roman said quietly, ‘please don’t cry.’ He placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, trying to stroke him like Logan and Patton sometimes did. As soon as he made contact, Virgil flinched violently and his eyes flew open. He looked terrified of Roman.

 ‘I-I’m not gonna hurt you,’ Roman whispered because his throat was too tight to speak any louder.

 Virgil just whimpered and hid his face against his knees. His shoulders shook as he cried.

 ‘I’m really, really, really sorry,’ Roman choked. As he listened to Virgil’s sobs, tears were quickly welling up in his own eyes. Why was he so mean? He was such a bad brother!

 He was yanked out of his thoughts when he realised the sobbing had died down and mutated into shallow gasps. ‘Vee-Vee?’

 The younger side was trembling all over and wheezing into his knees.

 ‘No, no, c’mon, you gotta breathe,’ Roman said desperately, his heart lurching. He tried to remember how Logan usually fixed it when this happened. ‘In and out. Just, um - I think four seconds in and then…’

 The wheezing only got worse. Virgil’s hand flew up to his hair and pulled hard. Roman wanted to hold his hand and stop it, but he wasn’t supposed to touch Virgil when he was like this.

 ‘Please, please don’t panic,’ Roman begged uselessly.

 If Virgil had a panic attack now, it would be all his fault… Roman wanted to cry, but he couldn’t cry now! Virgil needed help, he didn’t need Roman to be an emotional mess. Roman’s own breathing picked up and he looked around the room frantically, as if their caregivers would appear out of thin air. He needed to find the grown-ups.

 ‘I’m getting Mom!’ he yelled and jumped to his feet. ‘Don’t worry, baby, we’ll be right back!’

 He didn’t waste any time in sprinting out of the living room and down the hallway. He burst into the kitchen, panicked to see it empty. A quick glance out of the window showed the backyard was barren too. Roman growled and ran back out, ready to look for them upstairs. But then he noticed the laundry room door was shut. It was never shut.

 He didn’t bother giving it any more thought before rushing over and kicking the door open with a loud bang.

 ‘Guys, quick!’ he yelled upon seeing them, then froze in shock.

 Patton and Logan had been pressed up against each other and were clearly heavily making out. They quickly tore themselves apart at Roman’s entrance; Logan yelped and jumped away from Patton while Patton gasped and promptly choked on his spit.

 ‘I…’ Roman shook his head. This was not the time to worry about what he’d just walked in on! ‘Sorry to interrupt, but -’

 ‘What have we told you about knocking?’ Logan yelled, voice a pitch higher than usual as he fumbled to shove his glasses on his pink face.

 ‘That it doesn’t matter if Virgil’s having a panic attack!’ Roman shouted back, then darted out of the room, knowing they would follow.

 His feet pounded against the floor, matching the pounding of his heartbeat. Each heavy step was accompanied by the voice in his brain that screamed my fault, my fault, my fault!

 He burst into the living room and halted, knowing he should hang back until the adults knew what to do. Virgil was curled up tightly on the couch where he had left him, gasping in wet, uneven breaths that almost sounded painful. Roman’s throat ached.

 ‘Oh,’ Patton breathed when he ran in behind him. His eyes had clearly settled on Virgil’s accident. ‘Poor baby…’

 Logan rushed past them both to sit by Virgil’s side on the armrest, and Roman took it as a cue that they were allowed to approach him. But when he tried to move forward, his arm was quickly tugged back. He whipped his head around to look at Patton in betrayal.

 ‘I just wanna help!’ Roman defended.

 ‘We can’t crowd him,’ Patton whispered, his grasp firm on Roman’s arm.

 Roman felt nauseous with guilt. Of course they couldn’t crowd him. Virgil wouldn’t feel better if Roman went near him right now. He was being a stupid kid. He had to grow up!

 ‘Virgil, lift a hand if you can hear me,’ Logan said very clearly, making it obvious why he was the one in charge in these situations.

 Roman looked over to them again and saw Virgil weakly raise a trembling hand.

 ‘Good, now I’m going to touch you,’ Logan continued. ‘Keep your hand raised if you do not want this.’

 The hand quickly dropped back to Virgil’s lap and started fiercely clawing the wet jeans at his thigh. They all knew he did this to try to scratch the skin under his clothes. Logan immediately grabbed Minty from where they had fallen to the floor and pushed the toy into Virgil’s hand, effectively stopping his harmful behaviour. Logan’s hand rested on his back and his finger started tapping an even beat.

 ‘Ready to breathe with me, Vee? In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five -’

 Roman watched on helplessly as Logan attempted to get Virgil’s breathing back under control. The breathing that was out of control all because of Roman. All because he had laughed at Vee for something silly. All because Roman was a horrible big brother!

 ‘I’m sorry, Vee-Vee!’ he suddenly cried out, voice cracking. It was childish. No, no, no, he wasn’t meant to be little right now, he had to be big so he could help!

 ‘Not now, Roman,’ Logan quickly hissed, then immediately went back to counting out Virgil’s breaths.

 Deep down, Roman knew Logan wasn’t really angry with him. He was just stressed about Virgil. He probably didn’t want Roman ruining everything all over again. But being told off made his tummy squeeze and he felt his lip wobbling.

 ‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Patton whispered and Roman felt gentle hands curl around his shoulders. ‘Why are you sorry, darling? This isn’t your fault.’

 ‘Yes, it is,’ Roman squeaked and looked down at Patton. Tears clouded his vision, but he still saw the look of confusion on his dad’s face. He squinted his eyes shut tightly, not wanting to watch it change into something worse when he admitted: ‘He wet himself and - and then I laughed at him. Then h-he wasn’t breathing right.’

 The words were torn from his quickly constricting throat, coming out choked and shaky. He swallowed painfully around the lump in his throat, but a sob tumbled out straight after. Why was he crying? Virgil was the only one allowed to be upset at that moment.

 He suddenly realised he was being gently led out of the room by his dad. He wiped his eyes and look back to check if his brother was okay. Virgil looked like he was breathing more normally now but Roman could hear his wheezing had turned into crying. Was that his fault again?

 ‘Let’s go to your room, little prince,’ Patton said quietly and gently pushed him out of the door.

 ‘You’re such a brave boy,’ Logan’s voice said behind them, muffled as they moved further down the hallway. ‘Would you like a hug, little one?’

 Roman hated how jealous he was. He didn’t deserve to be jealous. He didn’t deserve a hug. As Patton ushered him up the stairs, he tried to keep a sob in his chest no matter how tight and painful it felt. He sniffled wetly.

 ‘Shh, good boy, nearly there,’ Patton soothed.

 Roman nearly laughed. Good boy? After what he had done?

 Once they were inside Roman’s room, Patton closed the door behind them and coaxed Roman into sitting on his bed. As soon as he sank onto the mattress, Roman’s resolve broke and hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

 ‘I’m sorry!’ he sobbed, then buried his face in his hands. ‘I didn’t mean it… didn’t wanna make him panic.’

 ‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Patton breathed, then there were gentle hands on Roman’s knees. ‘You’re not in trouble.’

 Roman’s head snapped up from his hands. ‘What?’.

 Patton got up from the floor and moved to sit next to him on the bed. ‘I know that you try really hard to be a good brother,’ he whispered and stroked his thumbs over Roman’s eyelashes to rid them of tears. ‘I’m not angry with you, little prince. But you do need to apologise to Vee when he’s calmed down.’

 ‘I will,’ Roman nodded enthusiastically. ‘I’m gonna apologise so much and -’ he paused in thought, ‘- and I’m gonna give him all of my toys!’

 ‘All of them?’ Patton raised an eyebrow and smiled.

 ‘Well… maybe not all of them.’

 Patton chuckled and shook his head. ‘You don’t need to give him any of your toys, darling.’ He opened out one arm, encouraging Roman to lean against him. Roman leaned slightly awkwardly to rest his head against his dad’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure why Patton was being so nice to him when he had been bad, but he wasn’t going to turn it away. ‘Could you please tell me why you laughed at Virgil?’ Patton asked gently.

 Roman fidgeted with his hands. Why had he laughed? He hadn’t really thought about it before. He just thought people were supposed to laugh when someone wet themself. People always made jokes about that kind of thing. People at school laughed when Thomas had peed his pants that one time… but Thomas hadn’t liked that very much. The more Roman thought about it, the less any of these reasons made sense.

 ‘It’s supposed to be funny when someone does that,’ Roman said quietly. He thought back to the look of pure fear in Virgil’s eyes, the way his nails clawed at his jeans, and the way he gasped for breath. There was an empty, sinking feeling in his chest. ‘But it wasn’t funny.’

 ‘No, it wasn’t,’ Patton agreed softly, then he stroked a hand through Roman’s hair. It was a lot softer than the hair ruffles he usually gave him. ‘Virgil gets very scared when he has accidents, little prince. So it’s really important that we’re all extra nice to him when it happens.’

 Roman was surprised. ‘It’s happened before?’

 ‘Yes, a few times.’

 ‘Is it ‘cause he doesn’t like going potty?’ Roman asked, childish curiosity winning out against any adult sensibility. He remembered a couple of weeks ago when Virgil didn’t want to use the toilet. If Virgil didn’t want to do that then obviously he would have accidents. But it didn’t make much sense to Roman. ‘How come he doesn’t just go to the bathroom?’

 ‘I’m not too sure,’ Patton admitted. ‘But your mom and I are trying to find out.’

 ‘Mom knows too?’ Roman pouted and lifted his head from his dad’s shoulder. He was being left out again. ‘How come I didn’t know?’

 ‘Boy, you’re a curious kiddo today, huh?’ Patton chuckled, but it was shaky and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Roman kept pouting and Patton eventually sighed. ‘Sweetheart, Virgil didn’t want you to know.’

 There was a heavy feeling in Roman’s chest and his throat felt tight again. ‘Why?’ he croaked.

 The arm around his shoulders squeezed tighter and his dad’s free hand reached forward to stroke his cheek softly. It felt really nice and tickly, but it didn’t make his next words any easier to hear.

 ‘He was scared you would make fun of him.’

 Roman gasped. It felt like he had been pushed down a chasm. His head was swirling and his heart lurched forward. Virgil had been scared Roman would bully him, then that’s exactly what he had done... 

 He felt his face crumple and he started crying all over again. He curled into himself and hugged his legs like he saw Vee do when he was sad. It didn’t help that much, though.

 ‘I-I’m a bad brother!’ he cried into his knees.

 ‘Oh, sweetie, no,’ Patton cooed sadly. ‘You’re a wonderful brother, Roman.’

 Roman didn’t know how to respond, he was crying too much. Then there were warm arms around him and he was lifted a bit and pulled into his dad’s lap.

 ‘Shh. I’ve got you, little prince.’

 Distantly Roman knew he shouldn’t be in Patton’s lap; Roman was bigger than his dad and he wasn’t a baby like Vee. He didn’t need to be coddled. But the way Patton was curled around him and rocking him made him feel a lot calmer. He collapsed against Patton’s chest and buried his face on his shoulder. It was warm and his tears stopped fairly quickly.

 ‘You made a mistake,’ Patton said gently. His chest vibrated as he spoke. ‘But you know now that you were wrong.’ Roman nodded dismally. ‘And I’m sure Virgil will forgive you when you explain that to him.’

 ‘Is he still gonna want to be my brother?’ Roman asked in a small voice.

 Patton held him closer to his chest. ‘Of course he will.’

 ‘But I’m mean,’ Roman mumbled, wrapping his fingers in Patton’s shirt and fidgeting with the material. ‘He’s probably gonna hate me.’

 ‘He loves you,’ Patton said.

 Those words made Roman tense up. His knuckles went white from how tightly he was clutching Dad’s shirt.

 ‘Are you sure?’ he whispered.

 ‘My little prince.’ Dad sounded sad. ‘We all love you.’

 A big wave of relief washed over Roman. Two tears trickled down his cheek, but this time his chest wasn’t tight and his throat wasn’t clogged. His lips pulled into a smile as he sniffled into Patton’s shoulder.

 A few moments went by before reality came crashing down on Roman and he wriggled out of Patton’s lap clumsily. It had been nice to cuddle for a bit, but he really shouldn’t have been acting like such a child at that moment. Being little was meant to be fun, wasn’t it? His littlespace was always full of games and toys and laughter, not tears and being rocked in Dad’s arms. He wasn’t meant to be a crybaby like Virgil.

 ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, sitting back on the mattress and feeling a bright blush stain his cheeks.

 ‘What for, kiddo?’ Patton asked.

 ‘I don’t need to be little right now.’ He sat up taller, trying to look more confident than he felt, and sent a winning smile Patton’s way. ‘I’m a grown-up, you can go take care of Vee.’

 Patton didn’t go, he just looked really confused. ‘Ro, you don’t need to be big if you don’t want to be,’ he said gently. ‘It’s okay if you’re little right now.’

 Roman swallowed nervously, looking to his lap. That was the problem, he didn’t know if he was little! He could switch so easily between little and big, was he ever really little?

 ‘What’s up, peanut butter cup?’ Patton nudged him with his shoulder.

 Roman didn’t reply. He couldn’t tell Patton. His dad would probably want to stop caring for him if he knew that Roman didn’t actually need it. He could easily do grown-up things for himself if he really wanted to, he wasn’t helpless like Vee was. Why would his caregivers stick around if they knew that? He felt gentle fingers on his jaw and his head was tugged up to look at Patton’s encouraging smile.

 ‘C’mon, you can tell your old man anything!’

 Roman saw clear care and authenticity in Patton’s eyes. After everything his dad did for him, he at least owed Patton the truth.

 ‘I, um…’ He cleared his throat, stalling for time to gather his nerve. ‘I pretend to be a kid.’

 The room was quiet for a few seconds and Roman’s gut twisted. That was it, Patton was going to leave him.

 ‘I know that,’ Patton said slowly, squinting at him suspiciously. ‘That’s kind of why we treat you like a kid and you call Logan and I Mom and Dad.’

 ‘No,’ Roman sighed dramatically. ‘I mean I don’t ever actually believe I’m a kid. Like Virgil,’ he flung his hand out to the door to vaguely indicate his brother. ‘When he’s regressed he really thinks he’s a baby. He doesn’t understand grown-up stuff and he can’t colour properly or feed himself, right?’

 ‘Yeah, but -’

 ‘But I know I’m not a kid,’ Roman stressed, pointing at himself. ‘I’m an adult; I’m tall and ruggedly handsome and have a deliciously smooth baritone voice.’ Patton’s lips quirked in a smile. ‘And I never forget that. Even when I’m using sippy cups or playing pretend with Logan or colouring you a picture…’ He dropped his hands to his lap in defeat. ‘It’s just pretending. It’s all an act.’

 ‘Well yeah!’ Patton cried happily.

 Roman frowned, doing a double-take. ‘Wait, what?’

 ‘We know that, sweetie,’ Patton giggled and pinched his cheek lightly. ‘Isn’t that why it’s called age-dreaming and not age-being?’

 ‘Th-then why do you and Logan - you and Mom look after me?’ Roman asked. ‘I don’t need to be taken care of, I could always do it myself. It’s pretty easy for me to switch between little and big.’

 ‘Just because it’s easy for you to be big doesn’t mean you have to be.’ Patton shook his head lightly and carded his fingers through Roman’s hair again. Roman leaned into it automatically. ‘And we know you don’t really need to be cared for - at least not as much as Virgil does - but we want to do it, sweetheart. We like doing it.’

 ‘Even if my littlespace is kind of fake?’ Roman asked shyly.

 ‘It’s not fake, it’s just different from Virgil’s.’ Patton retracted his hand and Roman fought hard not to follow it. ‘If it makes you happy then it’s real.’

 ‘Oh…’ Roman breathed, then stayed quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in. He hadn’t really thought of it like that before. ‘But Vee is a cute baby and I’m -’ Roman flailed his hands around in place of coming up with an actual word.

 ‘And I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Patton beamed. ‘Yeah, I get to cuddle Vee and bottle-feed him and it’s absolutely adorable. But I also get to play Kingdom Hearts with you and bake cookies together. And that’s just as fun!’

 ‘It’s super fun!’ Roman giggled, relaxing into his littlespace happily. Dad really liked taking care of him! Roman didn’t need to be big!

 ‘And don’t you go thinking that you have to be a baby to be cute.’ Patton held his finger up in faint warning. ‘You’re the most adorable little prince in the world, and don’t you forget it!’ He pushed his finger forward to poke Roman’s nose. ‘Boop!’

 Roman snorted and pushed Patton’s finger away with a bright smile. ‘Daaad,’ he whined.

 ‘Whaaat?’ Patton matched his tone exactly.

 ‘I’m not a little baby like Vee, you can’t nose boop me and get away with it!’

 ‘You may not be a baby,’ Patton cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss to Roman’s head, ‘but you’re still my baby.’ Warmth swelled in Roman’s chest. ‘Is there anything else you need, my sweet little prince?’ Patton asked, pulling back to look at Roman.

 ‘Um…’ Roman hummed, feigning deep thought. He knew what he wanted. The way Patton had held him and rocked him a few minutes ago had soothed him instantly, it was hypnotic. He already missed the warm feeling of being completely surrounded by his caregiver’s warmth; it had made him feel so safe and happy.

 But he was a big boy, he wasn’t supposed to want to be treated like that. He literally just said that he wasn’t a baby and only babies needed to be rocked and snuggled. Plus, if he asked for a cuddle and was told he couldn’t have one, he knew that would hurt worse than just not getting one in the first place. So he asked for the next best thing: ‘Could I maybe have a hug?’

 ‘You could have a hug…’ Patton said slowly. His lips started curling in a mischievous smirk and Roman’s heartbeat picked up in excitement. He didn’t know what his dad had planned, but that look always led to something fun. ‘Or you could get a visit from the notorious Cuddle-Monster!’ he held up his arms ready to pounce.

 Roman immediately descended into giggles and that seemed to be all the permission Patton needed. He launched at Roman and wrapped his arms around him tightly, tugging Roman’s head to his chest and pulling so that they both collapsed back on the mattress.

 Roman wriggled in his hold, trying to escape (but not really). ‘Ahh, the monster has me in his cuddly clutches!’

 ‘That’s right,’ Patton chuckled. He held Roman closer and breathed deeply. ‘You can never escape the Cuddle-Monster.’

 Roman’s eyes fell shut and he stopped fighting against the hold. He was smiling so hard his cheeks ached and he sighed in content, nuzzling his face against Patton. He could definitely see why Virgil wanted to do this all the time.

oOo

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AO3 link | Next chapter

[apex-legends-never-die]

Caution: Post contains spoilers for the most recent apex quest chapter

Hey y’all gaymers, I wasn’t gonna make this post at first but here we are.

This is about me desperately clinging to the papa caustic developement and my views on what be happenin.

Note: I do not support any character’s shittiness in any way, shape or form. This is just what I took from playing the chapter.

First, let’s start with this.

Caustic wants to be seen as a big stinky gas evil genius science man that people should be afraid of.

He can’t be widely seen as a big stinky gas evil genius science man that people should be afraid of if he is soft, fuzzy, loving and caring to his found science adopted offspring openly all of the time.

He is very private. Let me repeat. Alexander “Caustic” Maxwell Nox is VERY PRIVATE. Anything loving and parental between him and Wattson was either behind closed doors or it was something that showed love and care but that could easily be ignored or excused as him just simply not hating her.

But clearly whatever stuff he did publicly wasn’t discreet enough to be ignored because the entire reason Revenant is in the games is because people noticed Caustic taking a parental role and that made him look soft.

And the one thing worse than seeming soft and not scary to the public is seeming that way to the other legends.

And soft is exactly what Nox doesn’t want. So he has to try and get his image back somehow.

That brings us to our next point:

ALEXANDER “CAUSTIC” MAXWELL NOX IS ABSOLTE FLAMING GARBAGE AND HORSESHIT AT COMMUNICATING AND EXPRESSINF HIS EMOTIONS

He talks all fancy and shit but he is fucking horrible at dealing with other people.

He needs to save his “ÒwÓ I’m so evol look at me I’m terrible” image but he can’t come out and publicly say “Yea fuck Natalie I’m not her dad” because she would have cold hard proof he said that and it would ruin their relationship.

So telling a legend this while being confronted in private would still get the “I so evol” thing across without Wattson getting cold hard proof he said that shit, if Gib even tells her (which he probably will).

We still don’t know what Caustic and Wattson are like when they’re both well and spending time alone. Alex might be caring and loving to her enough for her not to beleive it. Maybe not. Maybe he is like that for the wrong reasons. We don’t know.

We just have to wait and see how shit unfolds.

Now onto the next order of business: Alex’s entire mindset isn’t too different than that of actual, real life parents.

There are many families where the parents want their children to succeed in life and goes about it in a pretty uncool way.

I’m talking parents who will push education and work on their children and hold that stuff above all else, including things like dating and other relationships.

The parents want their kid(s) to have a good job and do good in the world and will sometimes ruin (or try to) destroy relationships, particularly romantic or shaping up to be romantic relationships.

I’m sure many, if not then most of these parents love and care for their children, and might have mushy gushy moments with their kids.

Do I think it’s good or cool parenting? Absolutely not.

But is this a similar type of thing that Caustic is doing involving Wattson. Most definitely.

He wants her to do science and be successful at science and have breakthroughs. He’s just doing some pretty uncool things to make sure she gets that.

So his relationship with her could still, until further notice, be ruled as parental. Just not the super mushy gushy kind we all want there to be.

However I really think we should hold our judgements until we at least get more chapters and hopefully get a better understanding of everything because of the way caustic’s character is. He lies and keeps a fuck ton of secrets. It’s almost impossible to know his true intentions unless we’re in his head and I don’t think his interactions with Gib can be held to be 100% honest and true on his part.

I don’t doubt that caustic has just been shitty this entire time, he’s meant to be evil. There just might be more to the story than we know.

That is all, farewell.

[lanajvmeson]

emerges frm a field of corn slinking in w a faux mink shrug dangling around my elbows n a strand of wheat between my teeth..... farmer eleganza.... hlo! my name’s nai. i am bt a humble ghoul arrived to haunt ur home. 23 n she/her pronouns n i live in manchester. fun fact my friend’s neighbour used to b harry styles PE teacher. i played delilah yrs ago as carlson young (n even cara delevingne at one point what the fk) which feels so weird n ancient to me nw bt i missed her a lot so decided to spruce her bk to life.... ANYWAY delilah’s pinterest is here n i’ll jst leap right into things without further ado

(NICOLA PELTZ, CIS-FEMALE) - Have you seen DELILAH ASTOR? LILAH is in HER JUNIOR year. The POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR is 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE is BEGUILING, BLUNT, CUNNING and APATHETIC. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE WAS IN A REHABILITATION CENTRE IN SWITZERLAND INSTEAD OF DOING CHARITY WORK LIKE HER SOCIAL MEDIA CLAIMED.  (NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.) 

HISTORY

their family is kind of modelled off the sedgwick family like old money n pretty dysfunctional bt all abt keeping up a seamless facade of perfection... with a pinch of the kennedy’s in there. her dad’s high up in politics n his dad before tht ws in politics n it’s just a long prestigious line of clones in expensive suits as far as delilah’s concerned. her dad i picture as like.... nate archibald’s grandfather in gossip girl.... personality wise.

for as long as she cn remember she’s found this cookie cutter white picket fence life boring. stifling. to delilah it’s like being hemmed in a stuffy room n forbidden frm opening a window. it’s all vry Rich People Problems i wnt lie bt <3 she feels everlastingly bored. All The Time. plus her family hs always been a focal point fr tabloids etc which doesn’t help this feeling of not rly Living but just being the focus of a spectator sport. they’re lowkey a bit of a household name so they get a bunch of scrutiny n......... well. new bullet point alert! cue a powerpoint transition

(self harm & depression tw) frm being young delilah always knew there ws sort of. a white noise inside her where everyone else saw a technicolour movie screen. it rly hit her at like 12 i’d say as she was jst coasting towards adolescence. it ws pretty obvious frm her behaviour i’d say bt her parents only became Aware it ws a problem when she stuck a fork into a socket n short circuited the power in the house. she got shocked unconscious n when she woke up she told the in house dr they’d called (to keep it under wraps frm outsiders) tht she just.... couldn’t feel anything. she’d been reading frankenstein (she’s always liked gothic literature) n thought it’d zap her to life like the monster

her parents got her on medication n figured that wld fix everything. they didn’t like to talk abt things and that was that. it wasn’t to be mentioned again

delilah’s parents r just very.... sterile. family is abt appearances. they’ll be all smiles n flowing conversation when ppl are around bt it feels like being an actress n reading frm a script. being a toy in a dollhouse

she had two siblings: an older sister named clara & a younger brother named elijah. clara ws always like.... the Dream daughter. did everything right. amazing grades. america’s sweetheart. LOVED by the press. did sm charity work. elijah was fine/kind of a slacker compared bt coasted by on athletic prowess (captain of the rowing team). delilah hs very much always been the anomaly in this idyllic line-up. middle child effect! altho having said tht she’s always ran w the popular crowd of her age group bc Rich + Pretty = Status. it’s all quite superficial n delilah’s attitude on the matter can b summed up w this photoset. having said tht there was Some merit in constantly being paraded around as “such a pretty thing” bc a few modelling agencies attempted to scout her bt delilah found that boring. she wants to b called brilliant not beautiful. her mother called this her “not playing to the advantages that god gave her”. with a tight-lipped smile and a “god forbid i use my brain”, delilah only disappointed her further <3

(drugs & ed tw) delilah gt pretty heavy into partying fr the sake of trying to Feel something. intense on the drugs front (coke n prescription pills). rarely eating. she got a silver broach of a swan tht she pins to most of her clothes n u can unscrew the swan’s neck n pull it out to reveal a little powder spoon. still wears this today. clara n delilah were always super close n clara wld cover fr her a bunch. making up lies n jst having her back to their parents if they ever asked where she was / she ws in trouble n needed to keep it under wraps. when delilah hd an article in a tabloid pretty mch like this one clara talked their parents dwn frm sending her to a rehabilitation centre in switzerland. they gt it pretty much scorched frm existence bt delilah kept a clipping bc honestly she thought it was funny hw pale her mother went abt it

(car accident & drunk driving & death tw) at a fancy benefit the astors were all attending among 4857925974 uppity families delilah wound up heading off w some of the rich kids n one thing lead to another n a couple of them gt arrested fr a coke scandal. delilah used her phone call to contact clara n fr once clara hd let loose a little n hd something to drink bt still drove to the station to bail delilah out n try n fix her mess bt.... skipped a red light n crashed. she died upon impact.

(hospitalisation & drugs & addiction tw) this made delilah spiral massively obviously.... she clung on by the skin of her teeth fr a while bt she rly was just getting quite out of control doing an extremely excessive amt of coke to get by at this point so her parents actually did.... end up shipping her off to switzerland for rehabilitation. they didn’t tell anyone this tho n as far as ppl were/are aware she was doing charity work with habitat for humanity in trinidad. her parents literally........... hired ppl to take photos of things there n a social media team posted them to her instagram account jst. the most elaborate lie.... it’s a lot.

delilah jst pretty much went along w whatever they said at the facility bt didn’t absorb any of it too much.... she did get sober there bt it was vry much bc she had no other choice rather than a want to......... she even pretended to “find god” while she ws there n memorised bible lines to recite w a coolly detached smile. in her head she ws probably thinking abt hw her mandated therapist cld gladly eat shit and she’d be happy to watch. it was just like.... everyone there was RLY hideously overpaid bt did they actually Care abt their work or patients? debatable. wasn’t the most healing experience thru delilah’s eyes bt... maybe it’d work better if she’d actually opened her mind to it bt anyway...... <3 cornelius fudge voice: she’s back. the dark lord.....

PERSONALITY:

nw tht her history is out of the way i’ll leap like a flea off a shaggy dog’s back into personality! aesthetically she almost ALWAYS wears white/cream. reminds me of the woman in white frm sharp objects. rarely she’ll dabble in silver or gold or like..... vry pale green bt.... always muted tones. usually white or cream. big white sunhats. white sunglasses. white pussybow blouses w a little white skirt n a pearl barrette in her hair. she even smokes white sobranie cigs tht r imports like it’s a lot she’s truly committed to the aesthetic.... paired w like. classic patent mary janes.... she tends to flutter around the place like a silk moth. likes lace too. hs a very put together image n even demeanour like she’s very lithe n graceful n drifts like a ghost which kind of contrasts w... who she is at her core bt in the astor family it’s all abt appearances <3 the only deviation from this is she sometimes wears dark blue mascara once in a blue moon n if ppl comment on this she’s like. idk what ur talking abt? glides away like a ghost in a haunted mansion n is never seen again.

very perceptive. incredibly observant. yrs of early life media training n being born frm politicians means she’s an excellent liar. she knows ppl n knows what makes them tick bt she’ll only use this when necessary. she isn’t a terrible person bt she knows how to b Very mean n will equip this as a weapon shd a situation call fr it. also more prone to lashing out since her sister......... she hs sometimes played chess games socially fr kicks

dark n biting sense of humour. rather frank abt things. VERY ruthless when scorned bt she isn’t particularly?? emotive abt it??? her bf cheated on her once n when he told her she slapped him rly hard in front of sm ppl he knew n then jst walked away. blocked him on literally everything. removed him frm the face of the earth as far as she ws concerned. had him blacklisted frm every event n told ppl they’d be cut too if they continued to associate w him. goodbye sir <3 u are the weakest link <3 needless to say he regretted it <3

very loyal to u until she isn’t. finds it very easy to cut ties if need be. once her trust is broken it is gooooone baby goone.... the trust is Gone. selective in who she cares abt

vry cavalier abt sex. she doesn’t sleep around hugely i dnt think??? bt when she does it isn’t often tht emotionally invested she’ll jst out of the blue very nonchalantly blow out a wisp of smoke n b like. so u want to fuck me then? cool. proceeds to get up as if she’s walking to leave n then looks bk n is like what do ur legs not work? follow me. n leads them somewhere

nothing rly.... moves her particularly. she isn’t very animated. it’s like she jst finds the entire world thoroughly unimpressive. it’s difficult to stimulate excitement from her. it’s like that hugh laurie quote where he realised he had depression bc “boredom is not an appropriate response to exploding cars”.

has a pet swan bk at home she’s named lilith inspired by satan’s offspring. lilith bites ppl if they get close n is honestly an abomination of a bird. delilah finds her funny n throws her bits of croissants sometimes bt even she isn’t immune to her pecks. in some ways they’re similar...... hv a graceful surface appearance / aesthetic bt a darker attitude beneath the surface

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

exes: the ex bf tht cheated on her n she got blacklisted from 94872347 social events cld be a fun thing to explore..... delilah wld be EXTREMELY cold towards him n honestly want him dead. wouldn’t show any shred of caring abt him at all she’s very gd at stoning her emotions n keeping them inside. hasn’t cried since her sister died as an example of how..... withdrawn she is from confessing her innermost thoughts n desires. maybe an ex bf before tht that she rly didn’t take seriously at all..... typically she just isn’t interested/invested in romance she’s vry apathetic abt it all

party friends: those tht run in similar rich kid circles tht she would have smuggled off with at fancy events so they could let loose.......... ppl tht r completely her opposite who she finds interesting bc they represent everything she always wanted outside the oppression of her strict regiment family....... mutual bad influences tht are heavy into drugs n always enable each other...... u name it!

hook-ups: she doesn’t have a HUGE amt of these bt.... maybe a select handful.... some she wld have hooked up w once n never again n just been like >_> if they implied they shd as if it was preposterous n she was thoroughly over it.... some maybe she’d find interesting enough to extend beyond tht...... none she’d invest in if she cld help it altho? maybe someone as an exception to tht rule cld be fun

friends of her sister: (death tw) clara was universally well liked for being rly sweet n well intentioned n she attended yates only two yrs delilah’s senior so she might have some connections here still somehow??? cld be angsty to work with

i won’t lie i’m rly hungry as i write up these wcs so my brain’s going blank n i’m gna have to sprint to get some toast bt <3 roommates, enemies, competitive friendships, resentments, angst, chaos, drama, strife, u name it n i am dwn!!!! hits post n takes off galloping dwnstairs

[simonsaidthat]

First Time Reading All of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, 4th Best

Trying to catch up on JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure so that I can even the playing field with my friends, I’ve decided to list off which Parts I’d be genuinely interested in seeing the Anime versions of. So far my ranking includes:

8th Place: Phantom Blood (Part 1) 7th Place: Battle Tendency (Part 2) 6th Place: Stone Ocean (Part 6) 5th Place: JoJolion (part 8)

I said this one was a toss up between itself and JoJolion, but ultimately I think having a less bizarre continuity than Part 8 helped tip the scales in it’s favor.

Part 5:  Vento Aureo/Golden Wind

(Because this one is the latest to have an anime adaption, and I have at least one friend who has not finished watching the series, I’ll try to keep spoilers to an even greater minimum.)

One of the problems I had stated concerning Stone Ocean was “it’s reverence for Part 3″ trying to be a direct sequel to Part 3 or at least try to elevate the “Legacy of Part 3″, which burdened itself onto the story of Jolyne Kujo who had nothing to do with DIO or his posthumous plans. It isn’t even really about Jolyne reflecting on the relationship with her father. The entire story is kinda weighed down by the continuity of being a JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

Part 5′s Golden Wind on the other hand strangely isn’t. It’s not trying to be a sequel to Part 3. It just... kind of ends up being another Part 3.

You’d think that that the story of Giorno Giovanna, the son of the major antagonist for 2 separate JoJo Parts would have a greater focus on his complicated legacy, being technically a member of the Joestar family. Or for there to be one character who had met DIO somehow recognize Giorno as the vampire’s offspring, resulting in a brief period of mistrusting the main hero.

But nothing really comes from being DIO’s son. There’s lip service to the audience about “Nature vs Nurture”, but ultimately as far as I can tell, the sole purpose of having Giorno be DIO’s son, is solely for the Audience’s benefit and for the Author’s justification of having a Joestar protagonist without skipping too far into the future.

And to be perfectly honest, Part 5 is all the better for it.

The lesson I learned through reading Part 6 was that too much continuity causes a lock-out for potential new readers if they just want to jump into any one of the individual 8 parts. So the less continuity there is, OR the less the story actively cares about the continuity, the quicker it’ll be to just enjoy the ride.

(References are safer and not the same as continuity).

As far as the Continuity of Part 5 is concerned, it starts with a cameo from the previous entry to serve as the point of view until the story is comfortable focusing in on the protagonist, then the cameo character is completely dropped, never to be seen again. Giorno is the son of DIO but his lineage is never meaningfully brought up in the story, and the Golden Arrows established in Part 4 as a means to grant Stands to individuals are brought back to justify an entire organization spread out across the country to have enemy Stand Users.

Incidentally the application of the Golden Arrows are fairly straightforward in Part 5, with a great “initiation” ritual that makes the organization feel grander, but I still think the Golden Arrows as a concept are a step in the direction of “over-thinking things”. 

(While there are explanations for Stand Powers in Part 7 and 8, the origin becomes less of a focus and people can “just have stands” for narrative expediency. I’m sure by Part 9 or 10 we’ll finally just have X-men “mutants”).

The last thing I’ll say about Continuity is that Golden Wind probably fairs best among the entire JoJo Anthology (second only to Part 2 being a direct follow up on the story of the Stone Masks and Vampires as established in Part 1), and even though there are few characters with direct connections to previous Parts, it treads through familiar enough ground to become probably “the best version of itself”, or at least the “best sequel series”.

What I’m trying to say is: Part 5 is an argument in favor of advancing the continuity of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure... but Part 6 is an argument against it, resulting in the Part 7 soft-reboot.

But even if Part 5 is the “Best version of itself”, maybe even the “best JoJo”, if we’re talking the culmination of all these stories from Parts 1-5; I don’t know if I liked any of the characters.

When writing about Part 2, I said that Joseph, Caeser and Lisa Lisa had the best group dynamic/personalities, and I said that Part 8 had my favorite Stand Powers, but I think Part 5 has the best “Team of Stand Users”. To be clear I’m not saying I like any of the individual members of the Hero Team, or that the Hero Team has a better dynamic than the Trio in Battle Tendency; but as a group, a gang, a unit, a party, an armed force, a team, the hero cast of Golden Wind might be the most strategically cohesive and complimentary group of mercenaries of all 8 JoJo’s.

Like most JoJo’s will have a dedicated healer in the Party, but we’ve also got 2-3 Fighters, 1 Extreme Heavy (that was so broken that the Author had to kick the character out of the story) and 2 different Support/Reconnaissance members with their own unique fields. 

They display the best visually engaging teamwork during combat, but outside of it I thought they were kind of “amusingly obnoxious”. Their dynamic/relationship to each other kind of reminds me of the O.G. Ninja Turtles from the 80′s Cartoon (this was probably the best compliment that I could have given them when it was sort of intended to be a criticism).

Also, and I feel like this is kind of a cheap shot, but I think their clothes are dumb. Granted Josuke of JoJolion is still the silliest looking JoJo, but Giorno is definitely a close second.

I’ll say this though, Part 5 character designs might be the most... “Araki”, of all 8 JoJo’s as well (lending further to the idea that Golden Wind might be “Peak JoJo”), and even I’m not entirely sure what that means. Like, all the Men have transitioned from being impossibly bulky to androgynous thin, everyone wears some degree of revealing clothing, their gunman in tiger pants looks like he’s wearing a ball of Ham on his head, it’s kind of distracting.

Of the characters that I might like, the closest I can think of is Bruno Bucciarati and Doppio, the former being the cool-headed, mentor type (the Piccolo of the group) and the latter for... okay I genuinely like Doppio, but he might just barely be spoilers for the production of the English Dub of Part 5, so I won’t say any more.

I like their pet turtle-and-living room.

I’m admittedly a little disappointed in the main villain though. He’s perfectly functional for getting the story where it needs to go, but I kind of wish there was more to him than what seemed to be just a reveal of what he finally looks like. And honestly outside of his hair colour, I wish the villain looked more like Trish, maybe even being a female villain or Trish herself. I don’t know, something to help justify why his paranoia locked himself away so completely that no one knew what he looked like, only for the audience to finally see his true form and... it’s just another dude. A JoJo, androgynous dude sure, but still just a dude.

Golden Wind might be the most Clever, most Cohesive chapter in the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Anthology. 

...it’s just not as fun as some of the other entries.

(Also could we maybe not have a stand that impregnates a woman to manifest a robot baby to attack the hero when your stand could instead be, I don’t know, a robot baby that attacks people without the r*pe?! Is that so hard to ask?)

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 31: Hit Me, Baby, One More Time

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: A confrontation arises.

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian

*****

Everything from the time you got up and to the moment you walked into school was a blur.

It was as if you were asleep, running on habit, on instinct, rather than will. Your body wasn't yours; you were a guest, a passenger in your own skin, replaced by a ghost that walked the way you did, that talked and breathed and thought all the same as you while you hid in the farthest, loneliest corner of your mind, far away from the reality you'd come to know yesterday.

The reality you refused to acknowledge. That, as you opened your eyes this morning, you hoped had been nothing but a bad dream, knowing full well it was wishful thinking.

A half-asleep girl could still dream.

You were still dreaming when someone's arms wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you back — back into reality that shouldn't have been real, into the hallway filled with sneering and cheering kids that shouted words you couldn't hear for the noise was too deafening and you couldn't think and the only thing you wanted to do was slam your fists — your clenched, rock-tight fists — into Lucifer's smug face.

The bastard was standing right in front of you, laughing as if he'd just heard the funniest joke as Dean restrained you. Despite your attempts to free yourself, to lunge at your target, he held you in place with relative ease. The perk of being a jock.

To be fair, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to try to assault the principal's spawn first thing in the morning.

But, considering what said abomination had done, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Not good.

Certainly not smart.

But right.

Satisfying.

"Let me go!" you screamed, eyes locked on Lucifer's, narrow, threatening. Promising death and pain.

"Y/N, you don't wanna do this," Dean said.

Oh, you did. You wanted to very, very much. "You know what he did!"

"I know, but he's not worth it!"

He was more than worth it.

Crowley shared the sentiment.

The only reason you got to try to take a swing at Lucifer instead of him was that Sam and Dean had restrained him and gave him their you're better than this pep talk.

You saw your chance and took it.

Damn Dean and his ninja reflexes!

"It's cute how you're protecting your girlfriend's honor," Lucifer said condescendingly. "Or what's left of it. If anything."

"You're a piece of shit!" you snarled.

He flashed an amused smirk. Oh, how you wished to wipe it off with a well-aimed fist. "I don't get why you're all mad at me? All I did was tell the truth. It's not my fault she's a whore."

Crowley shouted something that shouldn't be repeated in polite company.

You followed suit, trying once more to break free of Dean's hold.

Rowena remained silent throughout the entire ordeal.

She'd been silent since the moment she got to school.

She ignored the whispers. Ignored the purposely loud comments and nasty remarks. Kept her head down and sought her friends, who, as expected, asked about the social media drama, but got no response other than that she was fine.

It was as good as they were going to get.

Crowley remained by her side like a guard dog. Neither of them acknowledged it, but it was clear, from the looks he was giving everyone who had as much as looked at her wrong, that he wasn't going to let anyone give her shit.

Lucifer should be glad he wasn't dead.

Sam and Dean must have been quite good at pep talks.

"You know, Catriona told me a few more things." He looked at you, then at Rowena, taking in your reactions. Feeding on them like the leech he was. "I assume Gilroy Murphy rings a bell."

Oh, hell no!

Don't go there, you thought. Don't you dare go there!

He didn't have the right.

Rowena stiffened.

Lucifer chuckled. "Yeah, she told me all about him." He looked around at the crowd of vultures, making sure he had their full attention. An attention whore was nothing without an audience. "Rowena here likes taken guys. Catriona wouldn't fuck her, so she went for her boyfriend."

Laughter echoed. Gasps, oohs, and ohs.

Your stomach twisted into a knot, a storm of unease, of discomfort roiling inside it. It was easy for them to pass judgment. Easy to laugh and whisper amongst themselves, to look at Rowena as if she were a piece of filth. Easy to dehumanize her, to make her out to be a monster rather than a person.

Not a single one of them knew the full story.

They didn't know what her life was like.

They didn't know how alone she was, how much she was suffering.

They didn't know the sweet, broken girl behind the iron mask.

Lucifer, despicable as he was, at the very least had a motive. He wanted to hurt her, to humiliate her, to make her life hell.

What was their excuse?

What had she ever done to them?

"Shut your mouth!" Rowena snapped, livid, terrified. Meg laid a hand on her shoulder; she shook it off, glare pointed at Lucifer, a threat and a plea all in one.

He grinned, much too satisfied with her reaction. "Catriona said Gilroy was very apologetic when she found out he'd been cheating. So apologetic, in fact, that he told her something very interesting. You don't mind if I share, don't you, Rowena?"

Rowena's eyes reddened, pricking with tears. Color drained from her face. "Don't," she said, voice too small, too weak. Too broken.

He wouldn't dare.

Lucifer was a bastard, but this…

Surely, he had a heart in there somewhere.

"Where's the baby, Rowena?" he asked nonchalantly, as if he were asking about the weather.

There went that idea.

You were naive for even considering it.

Expecting humanity from the likes of him was like expecting a heatwave on Antarctica.

Rowena set her jaw. Swallowed hard. Willed the tears not to fall. She turned her head away from his smug face. Away from eyes landing on her and demanding explanations. Away from judgment and stares.

"What in hell are you talking about?" Crowley demanded.

"Oh, you don't know? Big sis didn't tell you?" Lucifer taunted. "Catriona's boyfriend knocked her up."

Crowley scoffed. "You're off your rocker."

"Am I? Tell him, Rowena. Tell all of us. You know I'm not lying."

"It's none of your fucking business!" you snapped. It was nobody's business but Rowena's.

Lucifer held up his hands. "Hey, I'm just talking."

"You're being a shithead!"

The insult didn't faze him. "Aren't you curious about your girlfriend's offspring? You don't wanna be a mommy at this age, do you?"

"That's our business."

He looked at you. Took your expression, your body language in, lapping up every bit of it. "You know. She told you."

"What is he talking about?" Crowley asked.

"Nothing," you replied. "Like I said, it's our business."

Rowena's body.

Rowena's choice.

Your life.

"Still, a baby's a pretty big deal," Lucifer said. "Where is it?" Mouth widening, tongue sharpening, he asked, "Was it even born?"

"Holy shit!" a voice in the crowd exclaimed. Familiar. Olivette, because of course it was her. "She killed it! She totally killed it!"

"Did you do it? Did you kill your baby, Rowena?"

"Stop it, Lucifer!" Castiel spoke up. "You're going too far."

Lucifer shot him an amused stare. "You're cool with hanging out with a baby killer, little brother?"

"I said stop it!"

"Or what? You'll tell dad?" He laughed. "You can't do anything to me, Castiel."

"Do you get off on this?" you asked. "Does being an ass make you hard?" Your eyes fell to his crotch. "Or are you acting like a giant prick to compensate for your small one? You sound quite repressed. Didn't get any in a while, did you? Rubbing one out might be good for you."

The comment elicited a few laughs.

"I got plenty," he said proudly. "How about you? She spread her legs for you like she does for everyone else? Or is she keeping you on a tight leash?"

"Oh, honey, leashes are the best part."

"Why don't I believe you?"

Because you're an asshole, you thought.

And also because you were lying.

But mostly because he was an asshole.

"I don't care what you believe."

You meant it from the bottom of your heart. Who was he to think his opinion meant something? That it mattered to anyone other than him?

You loved Rowena as she was, with all her flaws and history. She wasn't a bad person. She'd made mistakes, yes, but who hadn't? She was a human being; flawed, imperfect. A person like any other.

Her only sins were being desperate to have friends, falling in love with one boy, and trying to love another, worse one.

If anyone should be judged, it was them.

"Why bring it up, then?" Lucifer asked.

"Why not?" you countered because, really, why not? "You started it." You might as well finish it.

"Who started what?" Ms. Hanscum demanded, her heavy shoes clicking as she walked up from behind you.

Shit.

"We're just talking," Lucifer said, feigning innocence. Badly. Worse than a first grader in a school play.

She didn't buy it. "Uh huh. How about you continue your 'talk' after school?"

"I'd love to, but I don't think Y/N is down with it. She attacked me."

You grit your teeth.

Really?

Really?

Ms. Hanscum raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "She attacked you?"

"Yeah. She's crazy."

"You're so full of shit!" you snapped, and Dean, once again, had to hold you back.

You didn't care about the teacher, or the audience, or anyone. You wanted to bash his head in, the consequences be damned.

Lucifer spread his arms out. "See what I mean?"

"Okay, okay, let's all come down," Ms. Hanscum said, looking back and forth from him to you.

I'm perfectly calm, you thought. So calm that Dean released you (though that may have had to do with the teacher's questioning stare). You rubbed your arms, massaged your muscles with the tips of your fingers.

If you wanted, you could charge right at Lucifer. No one would be able to stop you this time.

But you didn't want to.

Because you were calm, and you were in control. And, also, Ms. Hanscum kept looking at you as if she expected you to do something, so, the rebel you were, you strived to prove her otherwise.

But, god, you were tempted.

"He's spreading lies about Rowena." You couldn't hurt him physically, so you went for verbal assault.

"I'm just letting everyone know what she's really like," Lucifer defended.

Bullshit. "You're spreading rumors to get back at her for dumping you."

"I'm warning people about her."

"You're jealous!"

"Of what? You? Please. You're delusional!"

"Okay!" Ms. Hanscum shouted, breaking off the argument. "You're leaving me no other choice. Principal's office, now! Both of you. We'll see if we can sort it out there."

"Are you bloody serious?" Rowena exclaimed, furious to the bone. "She hasn't done anything!"

"Why don't you join us, too?" the teacher said. It wasn't a suggestion.

Great.

This was fucking great.

Lucifer organized what was pretty much a hate campaign against Rowena, and she and you were the ones that got in trouble.

Fucking great!

You should have punched him when you had the chance. You were going to get in trouble anyway; why not go big rather than just go home?

As the bell for the start of class began, you, Rowena, and Lucifer followed after Ms. Hanscum. You and Rowena walked on one side, hand in hand, glares sharp and threatening death. He, from the other side, was smiling like a kid on a Christmas morning.

The smug snake.

Would daddy protect him again?

Or would he punish — really punish — his little boy for the first time in his life?

*****

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[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 204

Welp, Gohan’s just chillin’ in a giant nest.

Oh, also Goten’s here.    So there’s a family of those big pterodactyl-looking creatures and apparently Gohan and Goten are friends with them, but they’ve gone missing.  

This episode used to confuse me a lot when I first saw it, because I hadn’t watched the entire series up to this point, so I wasn’t sure if Chibi and his parents were a retcon or if they had appeared before this.     Gohan acts like he’s known them his whole life, but this is indeed their first appearance.   I think I might have confused them with Icarus aka Haiya Dragon, who was Gohan’s animal companion in Movies 3,4, 5, and Episodes 108-119.     Kind of weird how Toei just sort of dropped that altogether once the androids showed up.    Maybe Icarus died during the three year gap?   It just feels like this episode was written with him in mind, like he married a female of his species and now Gohan has to save his newly-hatched offspring.   

Meanwhile, Mr. Satan is chillaxing in his home, watching footage of himself winning the 24th Tenkaichi Budokai with a bottle of wine.    I suppose this is telling.   In private, this is the stuff that keeps Mr. Satan going.    His victory over Cell was a fabrication, but winning the World Tournament was a genuine achievement, one he can truly take pride in. 

I just wonder if he’s haunted by the memory of the Cell Games.   He’s the only one who knows what really happened, so he can’t tell anyone, even his own daughter.    Everything worked out, sure, but he still has to live with the knowledge that all of those strange people were stronger than himself.   That must put these highlight reels into a different perspective.   Maybe Mr. Satan is watching them for the sake of nostalgia.    He’s thinking back to a time when he didn’t know better, and he really believed he was the strongest man in the world.   

Anyway, Videl asks him about the previous Tenkaichi Budokai champion, and Mr. Satan explains that Son Goku was a mysterious man with a lot of fancy tricks, but he was surely no match for Mr. Satan.   

And this is apparently the moment when Videl realizes that the former champion has the same family name as Gohan.   Hmmm...

Meanwhile, Gohan and Goten watch news coverage of a circus wth a new act: a baby monster.  

Turns out, it’s Chibi, the baby they were looking for at the top of this episode.    This asshole named Musuka caught him and made him part of his asshole circus.    Seriously, what sort of act is this?    He just stands there with a whip and Chibi curls up into a ball and shivers in terror.    Why would people pay money to see this?

Awww, look at this adorable little man.    Fuck you, Musuka.    Fuck you and fuck your audience.    Fuck the circus, while I’m at it.  

Seriously, I don’t get the circus at all.    I have faint memories of going to one as a kid, and I’m pretty sure the only thing I wanted to see was Pac-Man, and I missed him while I went to the restroom or something.    I have no idea how Pac-Man was at the circus, but I just know I sat through like 95 hours of boring-ass non-Pac-Man content, and then I blinked and he wasn’t there.    Maybe I dreamed the whole thing.    Fuck the circus is my point.  

I’m pretty sure it was real, though, because I’ll see ads or circuses today and they promote appearances by Spongebob or some other cartoon character, and it’s probably just a guy in a suit.    The point is that they have to do that kind of thing because kids haven’t cared about animal acts for at least forty years.    They like cartoons and video games, because those are fucking awesome.   

And you don’t need a circus to have meet-and-greets with cartoon characters.    Just slap a costume on a guy and have him chill out in an air-conditioned building.    Circuses do it because they have to adapt to the times, except they keep clinging to all this other stuff that doesn’t work anymore.  

I have no pity for it.    I read a Batman comic from like 1988, where Dick Grayson checks up on the circus he used to run with before his parents got murdered, and every time Robin checks up on his circus pals they always do the sob story about how business is down because no one goes to the circus anymore.    It was cliche in 1988, and that comic is older than most of the people reading this.   I’ve been hearing about the slow, agonizing decline of the circus my entire life, and I was born in the Carter administration for crying out loud.   Nobody goes to Sears anymore, and you don’t see anyone feeling sorry for Sears.   

I don’t want to get too anti-capitalist on this thing, but it annoys me when people get all weepy over businesses that can’t keep up with the market.   Everyone was all sad when Toys R’ Us went bankrupt, but that’s bullshit, because no one really cares about Toys R’ Us, or they wouldn’t have gone out of business in the first place.   What is it we miss about that store?   You can buy the merchandise elsewhere, which is exactly what everyone did.    So what’s left?    Geoffrey the Giraffe?    Fuck that guy.    He’s no Pac-Man, that’s for sure.   The jingle?   You can look that up on YouTube right now.   

The circus is the same deal.    We’re supposed to care when one of them shuts down because it had been in business for like 105 years or something, like just because something is old that makes it important.   Once upon a time they didn’t have Pokemon, and the best you could do was to hope some carnies rolled through your town and they had a cool bear that would do tricks.    But that business model wasn’t going to last forever, and if it can’t adapt to the times then it doesn’t deserve to continue as it is.    I feel like I read once that circuses have shifted their focus towards human performers, which makes more sense to me, because it gets the animal rights activists off their back, and the humans can do flashier things anyway.    Then again, I scratch that itch by watching pro wrestling, so I don’t know if that’s viable.    It comes down to a question of what a circus has to offer without giving up its identity as a circus.    if the answer is to rebrand as some other kind of show, then just do it and don’t look back.    If you’re determined to keep up the pretense out of some misplaced sense of obligation, then don’t look for pity when the business dries up.  

Same deal with trains.     I dig Johnny Cash, but he had this one song that was basically all moping about how nobody travels by train anymore.    Well I rode a passenger train once and it was exactly like taking an airplane only cheaper and slower.   That’s why people don’t do it as much.    You can romanticize this stuff, but you need more than romance to turn a profit.   

Anyway, where was I?    Oh, right, Gohan tries to talk the owner into releasing Chibi into the wild, and when he gets shot down, Gohan just waltzes over to Chibi’s cage and busts him out.   

Yeah!    Fight the power!

Yeah, this is a Triangle Guy episode, by the way.  

Musuka doesn’t take kindly to hearing his star attraction has been stolen.   What’s amazing to me is how he’s just sitting at his desk counting huge stacks of cash, presumably earned from people paying top dollar to watch him abuse a defenseless animal.    I mean, yeah, this is Dragon Ball Z, but this is pretty broad, even for this show. 

So Gohan plans to just fly Chibi back to his nest, but oops, Chibi’s having a hard time flying so high and so fast.     Awwww, look at the spirals in his eyes, he’s all dizzy.  Hang in there, buddy.   

So basically Chibi is baby.    Gohan will have to carry him out of Satan City on foot.   

I forget why, but the truck driver from the Vegeta/18 fight is in this episode.    Pretty sweet.

Then Videl shows up.    Musuka called the cops, who in turn called in Videl, since Great Saiyaman’s a little out of their league.    Videl’s shocked that Saiyaman would steal like this, but it gives her an excuse to fight and unmask him, so she’s down with it.  

So yeah, you’ve probably seen the gif of this shot where Videl jumps on Gohan and wraps her legs around his head, but I’m pretty sure she was setting up a hurricanrana.   Everyone needs to get their heads out of the gutter.   

Awwwwwwwwwwww.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

For some reason, Musuka wanders over and starts whipping Chibi, like that would help anything in this situation.    Seriously why does he need a whip?   Anyway, Chibi cries out and...

... Uh-oh.

So here are Chibi’s parents, and they’re not pleased.   This was exactly what Gohan was afraid might happen, but Videl wouldn’t listen to him, and he didn’t want to just punch out Videl, Musuka, and the cops to avoid this.   

The cops try to shoot at Chibi’s parents, and Gohan can’t get anyone to back off.   I don’t see why he doesn’t just grab Chibi and hand him over, but whatever.

I think around here, the dub has Gohan try to talk to them, and Videl points out that dinosaurs can’t talk.    So Gohan goes “Yes, thank you Videl, you’re very smart.”

But I do like this version, where Videl is surprised to find that Great Saiyaman’s childhood involved playing with pterodactyl monsters.    This is the sort of stuff Gohan doesn’t want gettng out about himself.   Not this specifically, but just the idea that he’s super strong and runs with huge animals and his best friend is King Piccolo and he turned into a giant gorilla a couple of times.   

Anyway, Gohan’s idea is that he can use his voice to get them to calm down, since they ought to recognize him.  

But at one point he almost uses his real name, and Videl gets so fixated on it that she takes her eye off the whole “giant monster” situation. 

Then Masuka pulls a gun and Chibi’s dad almost eats Videl and it’s all breaking down...

(Awwwwwwwwww.....)

So Gohan has to deck Chibi’s dad to get things under control.    Maybe he should have just done that in the first place.  

Chibi’s all upset, but Gohan didn’t hit him that hard, so it’s cool.  

Fortunately, Chibi’s mom is a bit more practical, so Gohan hands him off to her and escorts them out of the city, carrying Chibi’s dad on his back.   

Nice shot of the reunited family.

And Goten flies over to get a kiss from Chibi.    What a good boy.    My only regret here is that no one kicked Musuka in the balls.    He threatens to go back and capture Chibi all over again, but Videl threatens him into abandoning that idea.

The next day, Gohan’s wearing a bandaid on his face because of a scratch he got from Chibi’s dad.   I think in the manga, he got it from the Red Shark Gang, but whatever.    Point is, Videl thanks him for yesterday, and he completely forgets himself and responds to this, which basically blows his secret identity.   

The moral here is that there’s more to a secret identity than the disguise.   In the end, Gohan’s just too honest to live a double life.   Videl asks him if he’s the Golden Warrior too, and he insists that he isn’t, because he absolutely cannot let that secret get out.    I’m not sure why, though, since Videl already knows he has super powers.   A few episodes later, it’ll become clear that Gohan doesn’t want Videl to find out that he beat Cell instead of her father, so maybe that’s part of what’s going on here.

Anyway, Videl agrees to keep his secret, if Gohan agrees to enter the 25th Tenkaichi Budokai.    Last episode, she found out that the 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai’s winner was Son Goku, and she figures that must mean Gohan is his son.  And since her father won the 24th Budokai, she’s thinking it might be cool if they both entered the next tournament.   Gohan isn’t too interested in that idea, but he has no choice, since Videl will expose him unless he plays along.   

I never really thought about this, but Videl really acts as the flashpoint for this entire arc.    Everything that happens from this point onward is a direct result of the tournament.    All the major players converse there, and that only happens because Gohan chose to enter, and that only happens because Videl blackmailed him into it.   

And really, Videl’s only taking this much of an interest in Gohan because of the Cell Games, and the Z-Fighter’s indifference to Mr. Satan claiming the victory over Cell.    She’s convinced that her father and Gohan’s father are peers, and that the two of them could have an even match.     If the Cell Games had played out differently, maybe Videl wouldn’t bother bringing any of this up.   

Oh, one last thing, Videl wants Gohan to show her how to fly, since it gives him an unfair advantage over her.   

So now Gohan’s stuck.    He has to fight Videl in public and teach her how to fly.     Well, he’s been through worse situations than this.   

[dyke--vader]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before McPricely AU - Prologue

Masterlist / Prologue

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1003

Connor has a box.

Well, to Connor, it’s more than a box. It’s a special box. He helped his mother make it when he was just a boy. They crafted it with bent pieces of cardboard and wrapped in a gorgeous turquoise fabric they bought at the craft supply store on their way home from Connor’s kindergarten graduation. His favourite part though, was what he added to the inside a year after they made it. In fact, how he got it is one of his favourite childhood stories to tell.

The school was having their annual silent auction. The big end-of-year one with prizes of all shapes and sizes to raise money for summer renovations. Not that any of the kids cared about that, all they wanted were the cool toys. There were parents spread all over the gymnasium, and whatever ground they weren’t covering, the kids used for their giant game of tag. It was already a pretty high energy event, but it was even more so for Connor at the end of first grade. He had finally convinced his mother to let him bid on something.

Their family wasn’t poor, per say, but they didn’t have a lot of extra money laying around. They chose to live in a small apartment so they’d be able to afford putting all of their children through dance, and while Connor thought nothing of it, his mother and father hated how frugal they were forced to be. They always took the late nights at work, whether they wanted to or not. They never went out with their friends, saving the babysitter and bar money for groceries. And they especially didn’t give any of their free cash to their children’s school, to which they already paid a massive tuition to. However, after years of begging from Connor and his older sister, Mrs. Mckinley finally gave in and gifted each of her offspring twenty dollars to bet on whatever auction item they wanted.

Connor was ecstatic. He meandered around the outskirts of the gym, carefully clutching a wrinkled twenty dollar bill in his hands. He surveyed every auction item intensely. This was his one chance to win something from here and he was not going to blow it. He walked and walked, stopping at every single station to decide if the object was good enough.

After about fifteen minutes of shooing off classmates and inspecting objects, he came across an item that caught his eye. Connor strained to see past all the adults gossiping to focus on a giant bolt of sparkly pink fabric leaning against the corner of the gym.

He had to have it.

Connor swerved around the parents and children, eyes never leaving his goal. Popping up next to the box, he took a moment to take in the sight of fabric up close. Satisfied with the item’s quality, Connor gently picked up the auction box, peeking inside. There were only two other bids. Connor felt his face break into a grin. This was his chance! He delicately picked up the provided pen and filled out the auction card, not wanting to make any mistakes. He slipped his card into the tiny box and stuffed the twenty dollars in his jean pocket. Connor turned to find a quiet place to pray, just like he always did when he wanted something… But he stopped himself.

Could he really ask Heavenly Father for help with something so trivial? Was it really that trivial if he never wanted anything more in his entire young life? He snuck a glance at the fabric.

Worth it.

Connor wiggled his way through the parents yet again, this time bursting through the gym doors to find an empty classroom. He quickly dropped to his knees and slapped his hands together, not wanting to waste any time.

“Heavenly Father…” Wait… He hasn’t thought this far. Usually his mother sits and guides him through prayer. Connor huffed. This was his responsibility. “My mother, Julia Mckinley, let me bid twenty dollars at my school’s auction. You probably don’t need this exposition I’m giving you because you’re like… you’re all-knowing and stuff. But father always told me to be polite to people, and you’re Heavenly Father so I should be extra polite. If I wish my prayers to be received as auspicious then-”

“Those are some big words you’re using, Connor.” The young boy’s head lifted to see his mother walk into the room. She gently dipped her head to the side. “You’ve been reading your father’s books, haven’t you?” She asked, not really expecting an answer. She knelt down beside her son.

“I have mother but… Can I try praying this one by myself?” Connor suggested. “I want to prove that I can do this.” Julia smiled gently, wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes.

“Of course, dear. How about I sit right and pray silently along with you? It’ll be twice the amount of prayer.” Connor beamed and reached up, lightly kissing his mother on the cheek before returning to his knees.

“Heavenly Father. I think I really deserve that fabric. First of all, I love pink. Also glitter. Those two things are very important to me. I would use that fabric so much, none of it would go to waste-”

And so Connor kept going and going, rambling to Heavenly Father about his future fashion choices involving the fabric. About five minutes later, Connor wrapped up his speech. He jumped up and thanked his mother before speeding off to join his playing friends. Julia smiled to herself. Her little boy was going to become a great man. She glanced at her watch as she stood. There was still about half an hour until the auction was called, so she had time to meet up with her husband and tell him about the little prayer session they had. Julia slid her hands in her pocket, giving one extra prayer to Heavenly Father for her boy.

Long story short… Connor won the fabric.

[ronanwazlib]

Request: maybe Remus has a little sister who is the flower girl at his wedding (marrying Sirius?)

Sirius’ hands shook as his fingers stumbled over the buttons at his collar.

“Are you nervous, mate?” Ron asked, and with a quick flick of his wand, finished off the rows of open buttons trailing down Black’s chest.

“Thanks.” Sirius breathed, and then scrubbed a hand over his face, the stark light of the dressing room illuminating his cheekbones with a shiny pallor. “Nah. Me? Nervous? Course not… Just worried it’ll be even worse than the first time.”

“Wait… what happened the first time?” One Of the boys, he thinks maybe one of Harry’s, chimes in from where he’s allowing Arthur to polish his shoes via magical grease.

Sirius barks out a brisk laugh, thinking back to the day. They’d never thought of getting married, not really. Being together after everything was enough for them. They’d survived his family’s prejudices, lycanthropy, becoming animagi as children, the Prank, Hogwarts, and were on their way to fight a bloody war, and still their fondness of each other never faltered. That was enough for them, he’d thought. They didn’t need rings or declarations or charmed wedding cake toppers at that. But then Lily and James had gotten engaged, and they’d each done their fair share planning the slapdash wedding, no matter how small-scale. And as they all shed tears that day which felt a bit more anxious than happy, the mood overall was too “This life is semi-permanent” rather than “this love will last forever” and seeing Moony preen over a slice of chocolate wedding cake (one layer especially made for him by the Potter’s overly fond house elf) and knowing they might not have each other forever, Sirius suddenly wanted this. Wanted just one moment of time that could be theirs forever, link them together once more in case the other ties that bound their hearts frayed and tethers were torn apart.

So following the Potter’s frantic summer wedding, Remus and Sirius had their own, even more thrown together and hasty. Lily was fuming of course because “of all the stupid and daft ideas” they had to go wanting an autumn wedding literal weeks before she gave birth? She still helped them plan it all anyways. It was a rather small affair, held in the field outside one of the Order’s safehouses.

Their friends from the Order, those alive anyways, all attended, as did Dumbledore, which was odd because of all the things they’d never have figured, it would be their former headmaster in support of their union while danger lurked and there was a battle to be won. They’d all supposed he just enjoyed a good party that much until Minerva had found all those letters he’d written to Grindlewald as a boy, sealed within a compartment of his desk, and realized why it was so important to him. The Blacks were not informed of the occasion, partly because many of them were Deatheaters, but mostly because Sirius would rather vomit out his own organs than see any of them again, besides Andy, but it was too rushed for her and Ted to come.

Remus wore a lovely suit sewn for him by Molly Prewitt out of his dad’s old wedding attire, and Sirius wore Fleamont’s best dress robes, as he didn’t quite think he could squeeze into the tiny Hope Howell’s decadent white gown (although he did try). Only Lyall himself was in attendance, looking aged and rather small in his chair, Remus’ mother having died while they were finishing school. And Remus’ young sister, just nearly six years old by that time.

She’d been quite the surprise, born in the winter of their third year just before hols. A thirteen year old Remus hadn’t even know his mother was pregnant, he got a letter by owl the week before their vacation began revealing all to him so as to avoid total shock upon his arrival back to the family home, which was, at the time somewhere in Northern England. They’d had to move for much of his childhood to avoid suspicion, but once he began at Hogwarts, his parents were able to be stationary for much longer with him gone most of the year. But after what had happened, his father’s guilt and the rift it drove between his parents, not to mention his mother’s hesitance to let her only son go off to wizard school and the overall taxation of having a lycanthropic son would all be things he would have assumed would have prevented any further offspring. But then, there she was in his arms that Christmas morning, little baby Rudina.

Moony wasn’t much for children, Sirius recalled. He was too worried he’d drop them or hurt them, and the fact that he spent most of his own time as one in pain and hiding rather than around other kids made him awkward about how to interact. But, damn, if he didn’t love Rudie. She walked down the aisle at their wedding, shrugging around in the garishly poofy white… thing… Marlene had stuffed her in, trying to precisely toss out exactly 4 petals each time her hand dipped into the basket of tiny star jasmine. She had her mother’s wispy hair, the same goldenrod hue as her brother, and like him her skin had a bronze undertone, but rather than being littered with scars, it was blessedly (in Moony’s opinion, since Sirius loved every scar because it was part of him) sprinkled with hundreds of freckles. Her gap toothed grin beamed up at her adored sibling as she scattered petals down the makeshift aisle, before Sirius approached, lead by James as they both tried not to think about how Fleamont hadn’t done this for either of them.

The ceremony was short, Dumbledore spoke the words to marry them. Of course, their marriage was in spirit only; registered werewolves were forbidden from spousal unions, and even if they weren’t, Moony’s match would have had to be a woman to be recognized under Ministry laws. But it had been a good day, despite the rushed cobbling together of everything, the absence of so many loved ones, the way Sirius had felt Remus’ grip on his wrist tighten to the point of discomfort as he slid on the silver band engraved with tiny stars.

“What didn’t go wrong, honestly…” Sirius joked in reply to the boy, whom he now realized was Teddy himself, his stepson. And it was true… They went straight back after that one night. No honeymoon period did soldiers get, and sleeping side by side in the same bed they’d shared since leaving school in their dingy London flat, it almost felt like he’d dreamed the entire affair. In truth, Remus had been acting strange for a while, and it seemed as though having the ring encircling one finger served as a constant reminder of the bond he was betraying; he was coarse and irritable from then on.

Harry was born, and Sirius and Remus were both swept up in that joy for such a short time before Dumbledore appeared in their fireplace with grim tidings of a prophecy, and the Potters went into hiding. Acting as Secret-Keeper and saving James from his incessant restlessness and terror consumed so much of his time, but being honest Sirius didn’t mind as it kept him from pondering well into many a sleepless night where his husband was going off to in secret, and why he’d heard tellings that the “Lupin boy” had finally gone round to the dark side. When he did return, climbing beneath the covers with all the silence of the weight settled between them, Sirius bit his lip until it bled, trying to ignore the foreign scent of smoke and wood and musk which lingered in his lover’s hair, in the lines on his skin, and forbid himself to think it was that of Fenrir Greyback or some other such devil.

Handing his duty over to Pete, who was ever more elusive following his role as groomsman, he had no reason to leave the house. He went out into Muggle London when he could force himself to leave his bed. The whole world seemed awash in runny slate greys and deep blue. He got tattoos… a lot of them, just to feel something, and worked on his bike. But not even hands covered in violet bruises and engine grease couldn’t entice a hold, and his rows with Remus grew in increasing frequency, although after a while his responses became automatic, and within he only felt lost and tired. His brother died, he saw the obit in the Prophet. There was probably a funeral… he wasn’t invited. He spent the entire day after he found out on the Tonk’s couch, while his young cousin petted and braided ribbons into his unkept locks.

One morning in spring, Rudie began showing signs of magic. She knocked a stack of books off the shelf in her father’s study from the kitchenette. Lyall called Remus right away, because directly after the little girl had collapsed. Rudie had always been a frail child; she’d come a bit early but St. Mungo’s had given their all into saving both her and the mother from harm, though her birth weakened Hope considerably… and a few short years later, nearing the Marauders final terms, she’d succumbed to cancer and left her two cariads behind. Now it seemed the strain magic had on her slight frame was too much, and she took to bed often, where sometimes pillows would fluff themselves, or handkerchiefs would fly above her sweating head of their own accord. That simmering summer brought a fresh wave of the dragon pox which had robbed James and Sirius of the two people besides their merry band of four they’d loved the most, and when it dissipated with the first crisp bite of chilly weather, Moony was an only child again. And thus the tendrils of unexpected sunshine that had beamed into his life crept beneath the cooling soil, and he was left with only the bitter embrace of the moon.

They spent much more time with Andromeda, Sirius to have some sort of mourning with his family, for his family, and Remus because he suddenly took new joy in playing and babysitting little Nymphadora, whose spunky, gaptoothed grin reminded him of Rudie’s.

Then came that fateful Halloween. And they’d buried their two best friends, begrudging trust keeping them just close enough to each hold onto infant Harry. Neither of them knew what they were doing. Even less so when Sirius knew he had to find Peter, or Remus and Harry would never be safe. When he did, it all fell to shit. Sirius lost control, and Peter was gone. Sirius met the eyes of his former headmaster as he was lead away to Azkaban, Remus shouting at the Aurors both for his release and for Harry, who was being pried from his “unfit” parental grip. Despite his high seat of power, and his knowledge of their arrangement, the only thing Sirius found in his shifting gaze was a cool acceptance which sent shivers down to his bones. In that moment he had lost all hope, and some days he couldn’t scrounge up one happy though from his cavernous skull, and had to settle for twisting the silver band round his bony knuckles so often a red ring bloomed across his blueing flesh.

Escape, freedom, a war. He returned to find Remus a broken man who dared not look him in the eyes and an empty house full of ghosts. Harry was alright, he’d ended up back with Lupin after a stint round his dreadful muggle family’s, and later a short while with Andromeda, as she was his godfather’s blood. Sirius was glad of that at least. The Dark Lord returned and was defeated. Black found Nymphadora and Remus had grown very close in his absence, a camaraderie he soon fell in step alongside after he’d wept for hours one silent night on the stairs of Grimmauld Place in his Moony’s arms, and they’d finally become the two of them again. Remus never wanted to let go of him, or have Sirius be from his sight. He’d cut his hair, just some, healed his wounds, silenced every whimper in the night with soft words and softer lips against his brow.

Tonks, as his cousin was now called, mothered him much too well for his liking, the impish grin she wore paired with her bossy jabs at him to eat. She was young, but comfortable in herself. Turned out she was like him, a family shame in more ways than one, but most especially for fancying fillies. Yet as the war grew worse and worse, she struggled with the thought that she would give up everything to its gapping maw and vanish unfulfilled. She wanted something to leave behind, a legacy beyond remnants of a cheeky greeting in young Potter’s ears and flashes of bubblegum hair tucked behind her hooped ears. She pestered Remus constantly, as he and Sirius were the only men she felt comfortable with, and both Black sheep rather wanted to end the traditional incestuous liaisons so common within their Most Noble House.

Eventually, he conceded, if only because Harry wouldn’t be young forever, and he’d found himself rather taken with fatherhood once he’d begun it. And thus, Teddy was born, with the aid of a little Mungo magic, of course. It was a rather odd arrangement if one overthought it, but then again, so much of their lives had seemed impossible. The blue haired bundle was a light in the coming darkness, and when it had passed, Sirius thought for once he might have that proper family he’d promised his godson.

And then the changing tide brought new tidings once again. The Ministry finally found a change of spell-encircled heart: The Registry was overturned, the records erased, and unions were now recognized between Muggles and Wizards of any gender, so long as they were within legal age. And thus, in their 50s, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin did one more ridiculous thing… They got married for a second time. Moony’s hair was nearly all grey now, but Padfoot had proudly retained all his ebony locks, save for one or two “distinguished” silver strands at his browline.

“Aw, don’t worry, Uncle Pads.” said Al from his spot by the long mirror, currently chanting out compliments to any who stopped to fix a stray hair or adjust a bow tie. “If ‘twere really that bad, it cant be any worse now!”

“And plus, it’s official this time!” Said Fred the Second as he tied a shoelace, and was met with a chorus of “Yea, Freddy two!” from the men in the room. Hugo made an affirmative noise, then told his cousin to stop trying to make “Fred the Second” an established nickname because it was pompous and dumb. Al and his brother laughed, chins ducked to pin on boutonnieres.

“Nah.” Sirius murmured, as they all prepared to exit, this wonderful family they’d amassed from nothing, and greet a hall full of many more important people in attendance this second time round, like Minnie at last, and the Tonks, Hagrid, Poppy, who’d always known when they were back at school because no normal “friend” spent that many nights sneaking into those uncomfortable cots in her hospital wing, nor had to be woken up tangled carefully together with the injured limbs of a still sleeping werewolf to be ushered off the morning Potions every time. Many were absent too… but this was finally their moment. No fear, or secrecy. It wasn’t a do over… it wasn’t their happy ending. It was a grateful, overjoyed beginning. Sirius pushed open the doors, Harry’s arm looped through his own, and broke out into a grin the moment Remus turned to meet his eyes, gasping out, “Pads,” as though he were seeing him with new eyes.

[therpmemeteam]

How To Train Your Dragon Sentence Starters

Feel free to change pronouns, etc. for use! 

“I really did hit one.”

“He never listens!”

“Well, it runs in the family.”

“And when he does, it's always with this... disappointed scowl, like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich.”

“Excuse me, barmaid! I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra-large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish-bone!”

“Now, you're thinkin' about this all wrong. It's not so much what you look like, it's what's inside that he can't stand.”

“Thank you for summing that up.”

“Look the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're not!”

“I just wanna be one of you guys!”

“I bet he's really frightened now... what are you gonna do about it?”

“Ehhh... probably something stupid.”

“Good, but you've already done that…”

“Then something crazy...!”

“That's more like it!”

“It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything. Your father, your tribe, your best friend…”

“Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? Would've been better, for everyone…”

“Yep. The rest of us would have done it. So why didn't you?”

“I want to remember what you say, right now.”

“I wouldn't kill him, because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him... and I saw myself.”

“what is it always going to be this way?”

“Everything we know about you guys is wrong.”

“You have to give me a chance to explain!”

“I am not listening to anything you have to say!”

“See? Nothing to be afraid of…”

“Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile!”

“Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just get me off of this thing!”

“You got it, bud.”

“I'm sorry. For-for everything.”

“We're Vikings. It's an occupational hazard.”

“You don't have to go up there.”

“ Thank you, for saving my son.”

“Stay out of my way! I'm winning this thing!”

“ please, by all means.”

“NO! YOU SON OF A HALF-TROLL, RAT-EATING, MUNGE-BUCKET!”

“We're leaving! Let's pack up. Looks like you and me are taking a little vacation. Forever.”

“No one just gets as good as you do. Especially you. Start talking! Are you training with someone?”

“I, I know, this... looks really bad, but, you see, this is uh.”

“Uh, you're right! You're right, you're right. I, I'm through with the lies, I've been making... outfits! So, you got me. It's time everyone knew. Drag me back, go ahead... here we go…”

“You just gestured to all of me!”

“What do you want me to do, block out the sun? I can do that, but I don't have the time right now”

“he's alive! You brought him back alive!”

“you know what he's like. From the time he could crawl he's been... different. He doesn't listen, he has the attention span of a sparrow... I take him fishing and he goes hunting for, for trolls!”

“my father told me to bang my head against a rock and I did it! I thought I was crazy, but I didn't question him. And you know what happened?”

“what is the plan?”

“come on, let me out, please? I need to make my mark!”

“ I might even get a date!”

“You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these!”

“now this right here is what I'm talkin' about!”

“You, sir, are playing a dangerous game! Keeping this much raw... viking-ness... contained! There'll be consequences!”

“All right, I admit it. This is pretty cool.”

“You start in the morning.”

“I should have gone first.”

“ If that dragon shows either of its faces, I'm gonna... there!”

“Hey! It's us, idiots!”

“Oh, nice of you to join the party! I thought you'd been carried off!”

“Your most important piece of equipment is your shield! If you must make a choice between a sword or a shield, take the shield!”

“ Careful with that dragon.”

“It's... not the dragon I'm worried about.”

“Oh! I've read it like, seven times. There's this water dragon that sprays boiling water at your face, and, and there's this other one, that buries itself for like a week…”

“They raid us because they have to! If they don't bring enough food back, they'll be eaten themselves!”

“Dad, no please, it's not what you think, you don't know what you're up against, it's like nothing you've ever seen!”

“So I guess it's just you and me, huh?” “I was a fool. Lead the men to the far side of the island!”

“Chances of survival are dwindling into single-digits now…”

“The recruit who does best will win the honor of killing his first dragon in front of the entire village.”

“Don't worry. You're small and you're weak. That'll make you less of a target! They'll see you as sick or insane and go after the more viking-like teens instead.”

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching the JIBcon 2017 Jensen & Misha panel

um............this is........ kind of gay

under the cut: my casual thoughts on Cockles, Jensen in heat, a lil bit of Destiel, and a small dose of toxic masculinity because man it just keeps coming back to that

08:00pm

PART 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esVT4rZ1F0M&ab_channel=thiniassk

i’m not fucking prepared honestly oh god

-

08:12pm

i have petted my cat diezel and i am slightly more prepared

-

08:14

it STARTS with them singing to each other?!?!?! 

jensen gets so much of his energy from misha he can’t address a crowd without first staring deeply into misha’s eyes??? IS THIS THEM SOULBONDING BEFOREHAND SO THEY MAKE A BETTER TEAM

miSHA TURNS AWAY IT’S JUST JENSEN SERENADING MISH OH GOD

-

jensen: *leans in for no reason*

-

08:17

HE DOES SO MUCH OPEN-HANDED REACHING 

-

08:18

j: “the hairs on my arms are standing up”

m: “he was just showing me his freckles”

j: “who don’t love freckles *winky face* know what i’m saying”

m: “you wanna hear something weird”

J: “SHUT UP”

MISHA WAS GONNA SAY FRECKLES ARE ANGEL KISSES AND JENSEN VETOED IT

THIS IS THE ONLY OPTION

-

08:20

YES MISHA putting a chair backwards stops you worrying about crotch-staring

j: “oh no, i enjoy showing my crotch the entire time”

m: “i know”

j: “i don’t have to hide it”

...........................surely this is illegal

-

08:2

j: “let’s see how deep it goes”

(talking about the crowd size?)

m: “by which she means it’s an innie”

(talking about navels maybe?? not sure how we got here?)

(OR DICK FORESKIN WHO KNOWS)

JENSEN YOUR FACE

WHAT

-

08:25

? i think jensen moved to cover his crotch jokingly aND MISHA REACHES IN TO UN-COVER HIS CROTCH

;A;

-

08:28

j: *faces misha and spreads his legs* “here’s the thing. pick a leg”

WAT THE FIDSAHFSF I???

-

08:29

jensen wants misha to choose between his bowlegs??? OH NO

I JUST GOT IT

HE STANDS UP TO DO THE DICK-ADJUSTMENT DANCE

RIGHT NEXT TO MISHA

“PICK A LEG” IS ABOUT WHICH LEG HIS DICK SITS AGAINST

why the fuck does he want MISHA to choose what the fuck this is so fucking gay what the fuck

misha claims out loud he’s uncomfortable but frankly he doesn’t look that uncomfortable

-

08:32

jesus christ jensen is flat-out turning everything into flirtation

j: “you have big dolls?”

(regarding the mini-dads misha has in his house)

JENSEN HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT THIS GUY TO FUCK YOU

WOW

-

08:34

such blush

...and jensen starts hitting himself in the head as self-chastisement for flirting????????????????????????????????????????????????

-

08:36

https://youtu.be/esVT4rZ1F0M?t=4m8s

fig 1: jensen believably pretending he doesn’t know what “firework[s]” by katy perry is

fig 2: telling the truth “of course i know what ‘firework’ is, i have a 4 year old daughter” (correcting misha’s addition of the ‘s’ at the end, i must note) “i DANCE to firework”

....but like.......jensen’s process of ”i don’t know what this potentially emasculating thing is at all”.... “did i mention this thing is close to my heart and know it intimately”

does that sound like “talk about cutting the fat”/”who’s cas?”/”misha who?” to anyone else? hurr

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT DEAN DOES. BLAH BLAH BLAH THEY’RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE But tHEY DO THE SAME SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO ~EMASCULATING~ THINGS

granted jensen does it easier and more jokingly than dean does, but he STILL DOES IT

(also? jensen asked misha what’s on west’s playlist and requested he be honest, probably knowing full-well what’s on there (and there’s something dodgy there to be honest about). jensen pretends he doesn’t know the song, misha reaches in to touch him and says “you would be off on a lot of [these songs]-- AND THAT’S WHEN JENSEN REVEALS THE TRUTH TO PROVE HE’S NOT ALL COUNTRY FOLK SINGER and then blames his knowledge of popular songs on his daughter rather than the fact it’s impossible to go through modern life without having heard that song)

(he serenades misha with a few lines before mocking the song)

(i wonder if he’s ever sung it to misha in private)

-

08:50

jensen: *finger over his lips as misha’s talking about his kids singing carry on wayward son in the car* i.e. ~don’t say the thing~

j: “is what you told me earlier public knowledge? ‘cause that’s kind of a nice segue”

it’s nice that he asks

m: *high pitched voice* whyyy did i tell him

SO HE CAN RELAY YOUR CUTE STORIES TO US WITH HIS PRETTY POUTY BLABBERMOUTH, THAT’S WHY

-

j: *leans in to whisper and ask about the story he wants to tell*

m: NO NO ON ON O

wow that’s gotta be a damning story holy shit

-

m: “i am actually having palpitations right now”

I REALLY WANT TO KNOWWWWW AAAH

-

08:56

j: “real men have twins”

....wtf

j: *looking apologetically at misha* “aaah it’s just a shirt somebody sent me, it was pretty cool”

...........wtf even more because why are you apologising to misha wtf

(after the panel i came back and read this and I JUST GOT IT. i thought “have twins” meant the man in question has a human duplicate sibling. but it actually means the man in question has two offspring who are born at the same time. welp.)

-

08:58

bless daniella for getting these boys so fucking drunk

drunk!jensen is kind of.... look i dont wanna say it as a slur but also i do really wanna say it.... he’s kind of a slut?

god i love how much he’s enjoying himself aaah

-

09:00pm

here we have jensen laughing way too hard at misha’s “i am not a spy... which is exactly what spies say” accent

j: “that one got me. i dunno why”

BECAUSE YOU’RE HOPELESSLY IN LOVE AND ALSO DRUNK

-

09:03

rip fluffy unicorn

jensen for someone with a 4 year old daughter you very quickly, very unnecessarily, AND VERY VIOLENTLY reject soft fluffy cute things your daughter would like

someone tell me again how he’s not fuelled at least 25% by toxic masculinity

-

j: *to the unicorn* “fuck you steven”

what did steven ever do to you

-

see this is where dean and jensen differ. dean would maybe sneer at the unicorn but he’d keep it if it was given to him by someone who cared about him (the in-show version of daniella?). he’d give it to a little kid. smile, play with it for 10 seconds if no-one else was watching. but jensen? THROWS IT AND INSULTS IT AND HATES IT FOR EXISTING

like dean and jensen are both haters of soft cute things (in front of people) but in totally different ways

jensen’s hatred seems kinda disingenuous to me ?

and waaaaay over the top, maybe just because there’s a crowd

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE

who exactly in that room would think any less of him if he said “aw cute” and hugged the thing on his lap, y’know? the room would be full of cheering. i feel like he’s only doing the act for self-comfort idk

it’s a soft unicorn .........i don’t get it

it’s a kicking machine with a death spike

IF IT WAS MADE OF PLASTIC AND LOOKED LIKE A ROBOT WOULD HE REACT THE SAME WAY THOUGH

(not that i dislike him for this, i’m just commenting on what i observe. he fascinates me. how did he get like this? WHAT COTTON CANDY PLUSHIE ABUSED HIM IN A PREVIOUS LIFE)

-

09:16

regarding superstitions: jensen steps right foot first onto airplanes, it hasn’t failed him yet. misha “always wears something akin to orange underwear”

OH NO HERE WE GO

-

j: “wait seriously?”

jensen looks fascinated...and awed

does he not know this stuff already? do they not talk about weird personal stuff outside of conventions?

-

okay well jensen is definitely adding “lucky orange underwear” to his list of things to imagine while he’s lying in bed with his hand between his legs

-

09:23

jensen’s lil finger wiggle to encourage misha to take his pants off?????

-

09:26

k but why did the convention crew turn the lights pink when jensen dropped his pants for misha

-

jensen to misha: “you can’t unsee that”

misha, kinda shaken: “no, i’m trying”

WHAT THE FUCK WAS JENSEN WEARING

AND WHY WAS IT SO BAD THAT WE COULDN’T SEE TOO

my current theory: a cock sock (maybe so jensen doesn’t get visible boners and/or panty lines??)

like this (WARNING NSFW NSFW)

-

j to misha: “rawr”

........................STOP

j: “you didn’t even get the full picture”

OKAY THAT’S IT IT’S GOTTA BE A COCK SOCK RIGHT ASDFSJF

-

m: “now would be a good time to take a 10 minute break”

AND WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE YOU AND JENSEN DO IN THAT TIME SIR

KINDLY DO SHARE

-

09:32

fan: “[jared] was kind of away with the fairies”

j: “no he’s been a fairy all day”

and THEN HE LOOKS AT MISHA EXPECTING A REACTION

is it just me or is jensen perfectly aware when his jokes are potentially homophobic and he’s checking with misha to see if it’s okay?? because i guess misha is the in-house feminist and if jensen goes a minute without misha’s approval he knows he needs to start sucking up and grovelling

-

J: “misha kept us out late” MORE RAWRING

like does he just wanna go behind the curtain and blow him ‘case i think we’d all wait patiently

(apparently completely unrelated, except by connection of “they wanna bang”) jensen: “by the way they go down to here” *points to mid-thigh*

someone mentioned maybe he was wearing a brand called ethika underwear on some post i made yesterday, i had a look at their website and it just seemed like perfectly normal boxers just with some funky prints

idk why that would make misha gawp so madly though, if it was just a loud print. or why that would mean the audience can’t see. it had to be something about the cut of them, too. (unless there was a tiger or something on them. i think i saw cat faces on the website)

also why is jensen so keen on telling misha about his underwear

...this is some exposure kink bullshit honestly

he’s not shy in the slightest, he’s getting off on making misha squirm

-

09:42

fan: “people who work together frequently develop habits/quirks”

j: “undoing your pants in front of each other”

fan: “probably not as many people do that”

j: “no”

they know how gay they are. they know. they know we think they’re fucking. they don’t care. they encourage it. why. jensen is absolutely revelling in this. he has not one single problem with people shipping him with misha

and i am dying because of it

-

09:45

fan: “i was wondering if there’s anything that doesn’t involve your pants--”

*jensen shakes his head*

fan: “--that you only do around each other”

jensen covers his mouth ~don’t say the thing~

oh no

(bless this question-asker)

-

09:49

AND HERE MISHA GOES CHANGING THE TONE BECAUSE JENSEN CAN ONLY THINK OF INAPPROPRIATE THINGS

-

PART 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0BnSu26yjE&ab_channel=thiniassk

-

09:53

m: “jensen came in, his eyes were red, i gave him a hug... jensen said - i’m quoting here - don’t do that”

(jensen smiles)

-

m: “we have these brief interstitials”

OOH interstitials. what a good word

-

09:55

when misha is talking, jensen listens. he LISTENS. he reacts in real time.

when jared talks, he zones out so much more often, or at least acts like he does (”i’m sorry, what were you saying? i zoned out”)

idk what to make of it

-

10:01

jensen’s lil speech <3

also bless daniella for always being the hero we need

-

10:05

jensen’s like ~welp i just spilled my heart out!! time for a circus act and some unicorn violence

-

10:06

DAT NECK SQUISH THO

-

i wasn’t expecting it to turn into this

... this panel has so much more jensen than misha. misha’s so quiet and still. and jensen’s so animated and talkative and aggressive and affectionate ??

is misha sick, tired, or upset?

-

10:10

https://youtu.be/T0BnSu26yjE?t=9m5s

fan asks what dean and cas would do together on a scooter in rome

m: “WHEN IN ROME”

and jensen looks at him like his gay innuendo alarm is flashing red

.....but like. they’re in rome. when in rome. gay things happen in rome. yes?

m: “NAUGHH NO you’re taking this the wrong way, i just mean ‘when in rome’ i just mean, show each other our underwear”

NOT ANY LESS GAY

AND NOW IT’S COCKLES AS WELL AS DESTIEL

++ misha referring to dean and castiel’s underwear as “our” underwear

m: “NOT ANYTHING WEIRD.”

what’s weird misha. what would you classify as weird. tell us.

*jensen’s dead eyed blue steel*

m: “YOU CAN’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT ANY MORE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID” (misha’s voice breaks)

MISHA RAWRS

OH NO

-

.........................jensen sPREADS his legs

oh no

JENSEN COULD YOU LITERALLY ACT ANY MORE LIKE YOU’RE IN HEAT

FUCK

-

10:18

this person’s head is blocking my goddamn view

-

but 

jensen

what is the purpose of your face

-

10:20

https://youtu.be/T0BnSu26yjE?t=10m47s

fan: what would dean and cas do in rome, “a holiday” ?

m: *to jensen* “where do you GO with that?”

j *flirty*: “i know where i’m goin’~”

IN WHAT WAY EXACTLY COULD THIS BE INTERPRETED IN A NON-DESTIEL NON-GAY WAY

I‘M TRULY, TRULY STRUGGLING

look why don’t they just say “dean and cas would rent a hotel room and fuck the shit out of each other for five days straight” OH YEAH BECAUSE THAT’S TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH RIGHT

BUT THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE BASICALLY SAYING ANYWAY

they could’ve said “eat all the italian food” and “check out some of the monuments, dean and cas probably haven’t seen a lot of that stuff, cas knows all the history since he was alive in ancient times, and jensen would really appreciate a holiday spn episode in the future” BUT NO

THEY DELIBERATELY LEAVE IT OPEN AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE’S THINKING ABOUT ROMANTIC GAY SEX

forget the underwear exposure, i need all the gifs of this and all the meta

THIS IS WAY GAYER

i’mma puke rainbows brb

-

10:28

misha tries to save it with “the colosseum” BUT JENSEN’S FACE IS ALREADY LIKE “I SAID A GAY THING DIDN’T I”

misha: *rushed* “yes great question thank you”

THAT WAS IN NO WAY THEM AVOIDING “DEAN AND CAS WOULD MAKE LOVE”

NGHGHNH

m: “i don’t know how you’d answer that. i feel like there’s a lot of..”

daniella: *says something*

m: “go to the vatican?”

nope. hopeless. it’s too late, you can’t save this misha, it’s already gay.

-

fan: “can you explain why cas is driving the motorcycle and not dean?”

i love this person and their suspiciously gay questions

https://youtu.be/T0BnSu26yjE?t=11m49s

(can anyone figure out what jensen says when misha’s saying “dean actually drives the impala but...”)

-

PART 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr1d_7fG5zA&ab_channel=thiniassk

-

10:36

AW MAN EVERYONE RUSHED ON STAGE AND I WANTED TO HEAR JENSEN’S ANSWER TO WHATEVER THE QUESTION WAS!!!! he did comedy elbows followed by throat stroking and lots of thinking I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO EXPRESS

-

10:40

https://youtu.be/Xr1d_7fG5zA?t=3m7s

MISHA DUCKS AND HE PUTS HIS FINGERS IN HIS EARS

gimme the gifs friends i need them

-

10:42

THIS IS THE LAST JIBCON??????? NOOOOOOOOO WHAT

WAit wait---- wait............

DANIELLA says: “LOOKS LIKE THERE’S GOING TO BE ANOTHER ONE”

YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY MORE COCKLES

fsjdgfd that was scary

-

daniella’s crying

oh god i love her so much

YESSS SHE DESERVES TO HAVE HER NAME CHANTED BY A CROWD

-

10:46

did jensen and misha leave the stage? i’ve lost them

did they go off for a bathroom quickie or what

-

10:48

the endddddddd

ahh i’m exhausted now

in short: jensen’s head over heels in love, horny, in heat, and definitely spreads his legs in bed

misha? seems a lil upset. quiet. not as energetic as he usually is, which was surprising given jensen’s highkey flirtation. this panel was a lot of jensen and not a whole lot of misha, or misha+jensen as a pair. jensen was throwing a ton of sexual energy at misha and not getting much of anything back. 

idk how to feel about it, but a tiny bit of me is disappointed? and maybe a tad concerned. however, that said, they did make it fun and interesting AND SUPER FUCKING GAY

this panel reiterated to me that romantic destiel is a thing and they know it, and anything jensen says against that is just consciously-created bullshit

also? he lies really easily and really well. and it’s usually to protect some kind of face-value manly-man thing. even if he counteracts it within seconds.

but i find it very interesting how he looks to misha as his source of how much masculinity he’s required to protect. he asks misha “too much?” regarding the unicorn violence, and looks at him any time he made a gay or unfeminist joke that was a little risque (the “fairy” thing about jared, the “real men have twins” shirt)

it’s like misha’s his gatekeeper for gayness and softness, jensen clearly trusts him implicitly, and vice versa (although misha seems shaky on that, second-guessing why he told jensen a private story which jensen wanted to tell but misha was all NO NO NO OMFG)

but IMAGINE HOW MANY SECRETS THEY HAVE TOGETHER

OH NO

hopefully there’ll be some more cockles soon ...but at least we have hawaiicon to look forward to in november!! =u=

[groundramon]

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

:O!!!

I’ll take this as asking for five facts about five characters bc im currently waiting for all/most of the items to unlock on my current zoo tycoon game and idk what to do to kill the time besides this sO:

Character 1: Skift (bc I dont talk about him enough)

1. Skift is a very ambitious person.  One of the main reasons he enlists in the army in Majjikku is in hopes of some day becoming a war hero.  He’s also easily influenced by other peoples’ approval or disapproval, despite how adamantly he would insist otherwise if you ask him.  Hence why he wants the validation of being a household name and a hero in the history books.

2. The other main reason he enlisted in the army is because he absolutely despises his family.  I’m still working on the kinks of his backstory but the jist of it is that he comes from an extremely large family with a neglectful mother and an absent father.  He and his other siblings around his age were raised by their elder siblings, but Skift had the misfortune of having a personality that completely clashed with theirs and often got in fights with them, that sometimes even turned physical.  As soon as he was old enough to enlist in the army, he left home and headed to the nearest enlisting center (which unfortunately was several days away since they lived in the middle of goddamn nowhere, but he makes at least)

3. Skift has no real education, living in the middle of nowhere and not having anyone to teach him skills.  When he was younger he got along with his siblings better and was able to learn basic math, and of course he can speak fine, but he probably can’t read very well and anything besides basic addition and subtraction is a mystery to him.  Having said that, illiteracy and a general lack of scholarly knowledge, isn’t uncommon on the Parity side, as they have the very minimal requirement of laws and government required to run a government.  (Literally you can kidnap someone and as long as you give them adequate shelter, food, and water, and you dont abuse them or anything, the “police” wont do anything about it)

4. Skift gets a strong rush while in the middle of combat.  Adrenaline does good things to his psyche and as long as he doesn’t suddenly realize that those were real people dying on the battlefield, he’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the day after a Parity victory.  He’s not bloodthirsty, but he does get uncomfortably into it when in the heat of battle, even if he has to watch the person he’s killing die in front of him.

5. Skift in a way is supposed to be a sort of clueless libertarian/anti-ally who isnt a bigot.  Like, think a white person who doesnt believe in systemic racism but wouldn’t discriminate against a person of color because the whole reason they dont believe in systemic racism is because its bad for the economy.  (Which, it is, they’re right about that lmao).  I dont know entirely what I’m planning to do with that concept because I dont know if I, as a very dumb white person, have the ability to play with racism/the concept of colorblindness like that, but I hope I can do SOMETHING with them.  Either I’ll need to educate myself or I’ll just change that trait to being dumb about politics in general, I dunno.  (Because he doesnt really care about the politics of Parity vs Halcyon, he just agrees with the Parity because thats all hes ever known.)

Bonus fact bc I had too many: Skift is pretty heavily inspired by the design of an old warrior cats OC I had named Falconstar/Falcon.  He’s not exactly a dead character (I dont do anything with Warrior Cats anymore but if I did, he’d be on my list of potential characters to reboot, altho i dont know if id have the heart to take him out of the universe/AU he’s from…) but I feel like their personalities are different enough that they wont be mistaken for one another.  Also Skift has a stupid scarf.

Character 2: Phillip (or is it Lenny? Idk I think I changed it to Phillip)

1. Phillip is also from Majjikku, I should mention, but he’s a part of the Halcyon side.  The first thing I should mention is that he’s a prince, and 3rd in line to the Crayking throne - he has an elder brother who joins the army with him, and an elder sister who stays behind to keep the kingdom safe with their aging parents.  I believe they also have a younger sibling or two, but they’re too young to be politically important.  Anyways, its worth mentioning that the only reason Phillip was sent over her sister is because he’s an inadept spoiled brat, and the Halcyon side was asking for at least two members of royalty to join their ranks to form an alliance, so Phillip was sent alongside their actually combatually adept elder son.  The Halcyon sent Phillip to the “less useful” soldier training camps, while his brother was able to ascend straight up in the ranks of the army.  Since arriving in Halcyon territory, Phillip hasn’t seen his brother once.  (It’s worth mentioning as a side note, the Craykings only allied themselves with the Halcyon side to protect their own necks.  They believe the Halcyons have the upper hand in the war, and want to be on the right side of history when the war concludes.  And they dont have the strength to stand up to both sides; the Halcyons have promised to protect their underwater empire from the Parities due to their allyship.

2. As I mentioned, Phillip is an inadept spoiled brat.  Years of coddling in his palace have turned him into a demanding asshole who makes jokes at the expense of others and has overly high expectations from others, despite thinking he himself deserves to sit on his ass all day.  There’s a deep reason for it, as there is for all my characters, but there are so many layers that caused him to act like this that at this point it’s just become his personality.

3. Having said that, Phillip grew up in an environment where acting nice was more important than being nice.  Who cared what you did behind closed doors, so long as you put on a presentable front?  He’s extremely charming and sociable in big social events, often making on-point jokes and contributing in a seemingly meaningful way.  In fact, he’s arguably even better at it than his two older siblings, since they have opinions of their own and aren’t just a mindless robot for their parents to interject their thoughts and opinions to.  Phillip is very good at regurgitating what he’s been told, and has a very flawed and honestly nonexistent sense of self because he has never had the freedom to make his own opinions.  Or rather, he was told how to act and feel, and he never had the strength that his siblings had to make his own opinions on what was being taught to him.

4. Phillip wears a fancy bowtie and he refuses to take it off for unexplained reasons.  There’s no deep reason to it, I just like bowties.

5. Phillip believes that both of his elder siblings are more adept and intelligent in every aspect.  He respects his parents authority over the kingdom and part of why he acts like a jerk is because he legitimately has no idea what he’s doing and would rather die than inherit the throne.  He knows nothing about politics, despite his entire life being politics (in more ways than one).  The good news is that it seems like if something happened to both his elder siblings and his parents, it would probably go to the next sibling below him, even if they were still under 10 at the time.

Character 3: Glitch

1. Glitch REALLY needs a new name but I’m currently trying to come up with an idea of how Glitch could mean something different in their world (Majjikku, I should clarify), but right now im empty-handed and please help me.

2. Glitch is blind, or at least has significant sight problems.  I think.  I dont know, I really need to develop Glitch more.  Maybe he just needs glasses like I do and without them everything is hella blurry but at least he can get around.

3. Glitch’s species is often used as horses in the Halcyon army due to their obedient nature and high intelligence for a species that generally isnt considered “sentient”/having human intelligence (I know sentient isnt the right word, hence why I clarified).  Glitch’s species does have human-like intelligence and capabilities, having the capability for empathy and compassion and self-realization just as much if not more as other Majjikku species, but they generally lack in vocal and academic intelligence.  Glitch is unusually vocal for his species, a mutation that comes up in packs of the sauropod-like species every now and then.  Because of this and his sight problems, he was put in the same “lesser” squadron as Phillip, instead of the same training the other young from his herd were given.

4. Having said that, “unusually vocal” for his species is still very quiet most of the time.  He has a strong understanding of the words of those around him, stronger than most of the rest of his species (although they can comprehend language, just not as quickly) and can articulate full sentences in a reasonable amount of time, he just prefers not to.  He also can’t go on half-an-hour-long rants about things because he would run out of words and brainpower very quickly, which god I wish that were me because I will talk until my mouth falls off and its 3 am i s2g im not even exaggerating.

5. Glitch has no understanding of the war but as his herd is encouraged to help the war effort, as opposed to being forcibly taken (which was outlawed and deemed unethical when more and more offspring like Glitch started popping up), he supports his side and would gladly die for it.  Also he loves his friends, even Phillip.

Character 4: Aquarius

1. I love Aquarius!!!  Somehow she became my favorite Majjikku character and idk why.  She’s got cool pants, thats probably part of the reason.  Anyways Aquarius is Marble’s best friend in the series; they become fast friends on the train to their squadron when they begin talking about their similar experiences in being dragged away from their families and forcibly enlisted in the army.  (Is it horrible to enlist 13 and 14 year old kids in the army by force?  It absolutely is, that’s the point; I dont take my characters being young teens like most stories abt young teens do, I’m well aware they’re going to be fucked up as fuck and I’m exploiting that for all its worth.)  Aquarius came from a big family of 5 with an absent mother and a nonexistent father, where her elder sister raised herself and then raised her.  Unlike Skift, Aquarius became very close with her eldest sister, although they both share a resentment for their parents because of their shit awful parenting.  Aquarius was forced to join the army because her three younger siblings were too young for the army, and her eldest sister had to stay behind and work a job and care for the younger kids, something Aquarius knew she wouldn’t be able to do.

2. Unlike all the other characters I’ve mentioned so far, and hell probably all the characters in Majjikku in general lol, Aquarius actually supports the Halcyon for what they stand for.  Obviously with her absent mother and father, Aquarius and her siblings needed a lot of financial help.  Thankfully that’s what the Halcyon system was built around, and the government was able to get Aquarius’s eldest sister a stable well-paying job and the entire family enough money to get a decent place and pay for food for a while.  The government still monitors their family regularly to make sure they arent squandering the money and that everything is going okay, but they did far, far more good than harm.  Aquarius believes that this is the best form of government; a form of government that on a very personal level cares for its members and helps them through hardships, and forces them on the right path.  In our world, she’d be a socialist through and through, if not a straight-up communist.  (Having said that, I do believe Aquarius would have different political opinions if she grew up in our world.  The difference between our world governments and the Halcyon government is that the Halcyon government…actually gives a shit about people.  Most of the people who work for the government are volunteers, who at best get a small place to stay and some food.  Like, the Halcyon actually help 99% of the poor population in the Halcyon city.  The amount of financial aid given outside of the city significantly drops, but in their city, being homeless and poor is illegal but instead of throwing you in jail for it they’ll help you get out of it.  If you squander it then you’ll end up in jail, but still.  Idk what Aquarius would believe in differently if she grew up here, but I dont think she’d be a straight-up communist because we have too many failed communist governments in our history.)

3. Aquarius and her family’s coloring is very odd for her species.  The bear-like species that her family is made up of is generally brown, red, yellow, orange, tan, white, gray, black, ect - normal-ish fur colors.  Blue, at least to the extent that Aquarius and her family have is nonexistent.  It is likely that she and her family have a small percentage of an aquatic species’ DNA, such as a crayking, in them.

4. Aquarius loves being supportive of other people and listening to and relating to their struggles.  She’s actually a pretty good motivational speaker and is a pretty great friend.  She’s great and I love her.  Also the pants.

5. Aquarius clashes a lot with Shade, another character in her squadron.  I’m not giving Shade his own section but the reason is that he’s an overly negative character, constantly throwing shade at the Halcyon side and complaining about training.  However, once she realizes the reasons for his dissatisfaction with his current situation, she stops calling him out when he says stuff against the Halcyon side.  She does start to debate her own opinions a bit after that, and has a lot of long conversations with Marble about it in their shared bedroom.  (If anyone’s interested in Shade feel free to send me another star asking about him, or reply to this post or w/e! otherwise ill just keep it a secret lol)

Character 5: Grace

1. Thank god, a character that isn’t Majjikku-related lol.  Anyways Grace is the embodiment of a rebellious teenager.  She doesn’t listen to any authority, goes out of her way to do bad things, and will purposely disobey what you say even if she doesnt want to do the thing she’d have to do by disobeying you.  The whole reason she gets involved in Spirits’ plot is because she knows taking money from a stranger to play with the laws of science and reality would be firmly in her dad’s list of things she can’t do.

2. Speaking of her dad, he’s a little bit of a dick.  He’s the reason she’s so disrespectful towards authority.  He’s basically just a stereotypical religious nut; anti-gay, anti-transgender, anti-atheist, anti-anyone who isnt christian, anti-drugs, and he even enforces some form of gender roles.  And he’s very vocal about these things.  He tries to be a huge helicopter parent, but Grace can and will avoid him, ignore his punishments, and stay out so late that her parents cant yell at her for disobeying them.  Her father is very vocal about his displeasure and downright hatred of Grace sometimes, and ever since she started questioning his words when she was a young girl, he’d yell at her for it.  Her older brother isn’t too great either, but he’s more of an annoying slouch who plays video games all day instead of working than a legitimately bad guy.

3. Grace believes she’s straight because she has no interest in being sexual with a woman, but she’d be totally down with kissing and cuddling and being romantic with a woman, hence why I identify her as a biromantic heterosexual.  She’s also the most sexually active of all my characters, which no I will not elaborate on that, not because I dont feel comfortable with it but because I dont know how the fuck that works.  (Also side note, I headcanon things in my own stories so I like to headcanon that at some point Grace and Shawn get together and they can be all romantic and mushy n stuff together but Shawn’s totally okay with Grace going out for one night stands with guys so long as she stays safe.  Obviously they talk everything out to make sure everyone is safe and okay with the relationship, but Shawn’s pretty okay with it; she’s pretty used to Grace having sex with no romantic attraction involved, and ofc Shawn isn’t into sex so she doesn’t feel like it’s a problem.)

4. Grace is closer with her mother than her father, but although her mother is very much a mediator and acts very kind and forgiving to Grace, Grace still kind of despises her.  Just because Grace’s dad is a dick doesn’t mean she isn’t too.

5. Grace’s spirit form is a bloodthirsty wyvern with major anger problems.  Each of the kids’ spirit forms have a slight personality outside of the kids themselves, and Grace’s is bloodthirsty and destructive - not intelligently so, but still.  Most fo the kids’ spirit forms are pretty mindless and just mindlessly destructive, except two.

[tyranttortoise]

oOOO could we also get HC's for the tale/fell/swap skelebros actually as dads too, if that's cool? Parental hcs are my jAM tbh

(* It’s a c-c-combo answer.)

UT!Sans:

Sans is solid through the baby years.  He naps with the kid on his chest, and even pulls his shirt up so the babybones can cling to his ribs.  He’s fine with waking up in the middle of the night, and while he might fall asleep while trying to feed them a bottle, he’s still going to be fair about taking turns waking up.  He’d do anything for his child.  He raised Papyrus, so he knows just what to do, and he makes them feel like they can accomplish anything.  It’s no secret that Papyrus gained his confidence through Sans’s endless praise, so he’s bound to be raising another Great-in-the-making.  He helps them with their schoolwork, though he’ll lightly push them toward a love for the sciences.  And by lightly, I mean that he’s in the backyard building contraptions with them, launching homemade “rockets” and performing experiments in the basement.  No matter what they do or whether or not they play sports or win any ribbons, Sans is supportive and tells them that they’re the best.  He’s full of both puns and encouragement.

If his child is throwing a tantrum in the store, however… yeah, he’s not having that.  Whatever they’re throwing the tantrum over, well, now they’re not getting it.  He’ll just keep walking and leave them in the aisle.  Of course, he’s going to make sure they actually get up and follow him, but he’s not going to give into/feed that behavior.

UT!Papyrus:

Papyrus is so excited over every milestone, but he doesn’t sleep much during the initial years.  Every time they cry, he’s right there, checking on them.  Sans has to help him out and convince him it’s okay to let them cry it out sometimes, and only then does his marginally calm down.  Much like Sans, Papyrus is filled with encouragement.  His child is as Great as he is, of course!  He’s filled with pride over every accomplishment, and he’s so involved with their schooling that he practically just stays there.  PTA-Sans?  PFFT, NAW, IT’S PTA-PAPS.  Field trip?  Oh yeah, he’s coming.  Any kind of assembly, you better believe he’s there.  Oh, it’s lunchtime?  Papyrus is crammed in the tiny seat and eating lunch.  He’s also best friends with all of his kid’s friends.  He knows all of their names, and they all think he’s amazing.  His S/O is going to have to have a long talk with him if they want him to chill out, otherwise, he’s going to be a hovering-parent.  But you’d better believe if his kid does anything that involves sports/competitions Papyrus is going to be their number-one-fan and shout his encouragement the loudest of them all.

His child is throwing a tantrum in the store?  WHY?  WHAT’S WRONG?  WHAT’S GOING ON?  WHY ARE THEY UNHAPPY?  Papyrus is apologetic.  If it’s because he denied buying them something, he’ll apologize and firmly tell them that his decision is final.…If they keep crying, Papyrus caves immediately.  Yeah, he’ll buy it.  He’ll buy TWO OF THEM.  Just be happy!

UF!Sans:

He’s a little rough around the edges, but hey, he’s got this dad thing down.  The baby’s crying in the middle of the night?  He’s got it.  Especially if he still lives with his brother because man, Papyrus would have his head if he gets woken up.  Red’s used to getting only an hour or so of sleep, anyway, so this is no big deal.  He’s often found dozing during the day in a chair with the baby against his chest, and his jacket over both of them.  Both of them drool in their sleep.  No one picks on his kid, and they learn to stand up for themselves–he makes sure of it.  If he even thinks his child is being bullied, he’s at the house of the other kid’s parents, and they’re going to have a long talk. He doesn’t take other people criticizing his kid very well, either.  He’s fiercely protective and hovers from the shadows.  School-wise, he doesn’t care what his kid wants to do.  They want to slack?  Sure, as long as they don’t fail.  They can cut class, but don’t get caught.  They don’t have to do sports or any kind of activities.  He just wants them to grow up to be happy.  However, if they do find something they’re passionate about, Sans is going to encourage the shit out of it and really push them to be as great as they can be.

His child is going to get publicly spanked if they throw a tantrum.  Red’s grin can get real scary, real fast.  And nope, any strangers with opinions on how to deal with it are going to get chewed out.  

UF!Papyrus:

Papyrus can’t handle when the baby is crying because OH STARS WHAT’S WRONG NOW, WHAT SHOULD HE DO?  He consults Sans since his brother raised him, but even though he always tells him that his advice is wrong, he still takes it.  Papyrus is a nervous wreck; he’s read up on all the things that could go wrong, and he’s the type that jumps straight to the worst-case-scenario.  Throughout his offspring’s childhood, Edge is protective, yet the type that will tell them to walk off an injury.  If he has a son, he’s going to push him hard and expect nothing short of perfection!  If he has a daughter, he’s going to do the same, only.. she’ll get to walk all over him and manipulate him with ease, and he won’t even notice.  He’ll also literally kick down the door or anyone that makes his daughter cry.Either way, the child is going to be pushed to get achieve perfect grades in school and pressured into picking up at least one activity.  They’re not missing school unless they’ve caught the plague, and they’re going to be punctual to everything.

His child, throwing a tantrum in public?  Huh, I wonder where they learned that..He ends up throwing an even bigger tantrum over the fact that they dared throw a tantrum toward him.  There’s lots of shouting and feet stomping from both sides.  He’ll yell at them if they start to cry about it.  He ends up making a huge scene, and there’s a high probability the exchange ends up going viral on YouTube.

US!Sans:

Sans isn’t really the type that enjoys waking up all throughout the night, but he’ll do it.. he just won’t be very perky about it.  He ends up having to get a lot of help from his brother initially, because he’s terrified of messing up.  But once he realizes he’s not going to break them, he’s much more hands-on.  He does really love reading books to his child–and singing lullabies, too!  He’s completely enamored and such a doting father.Blueberry is 100% involved in every aspect of his child’s life.  He’s got words of wisdom for every situation (including how to woo their crush), and he tags along on field trips.. mostly because he really wants to see whatever they’re going to see.  He always wants to help them with their homework, and if they’re involved in any activities, he’s going to cheer them on throughout!  He wants them to strive for perfection in all things, but if they fall short, that’s okay too.  "WHAT MATTERS MOST IS THAT YOU TRIED YOU BEST!  AND THAT YOU HAD FUN WHILE TRYING YOUR BEST!“  

If his kid’s throwing a temper tantrum in the store, he’s going to sit them down right there in the floor and give them a very stern lecture about why that behavior is inappropriate.  There may even be finger wagging involved.  … If that doesn’t work, yeah, he starts flipping out.  If Stretch is around, he’ll handle it, but if not, then Blueberry gives in and lets the kid have their way so they’ll stop crying.  Whatever they wanted must have really been important to them!

US!Papyrus:

Stretch is the one that always gets up during the night, and he’s often seen sprawled across the couch with his child napping with him.  He’s a little scared of messing the kid up, but hey, he raised Blueberry and his brother’s the coolest person he knows, so he tries not to worry too much.  He always knows when his kid is lying, so they don’t stand a chance at hiding something from him.  He doesn’t give many lectures, but when he does, the kid knows things are serious.  He’s usually a laid-back dad that encourages his kid, but doesn’t hover.  He’ll show up to any activities they have to watch, and he’ll be glad to help with their homework, but he’s not going to do it for them.  He cares about their schoolwork and is disappointed if they slack off or don’t turn in an assignment.  Stars forbid he has to be called up to the school over anything.  The first time his kid made a pun in front of Blueberry, Stretch felt like his chest was going to burst from pride.

Nope.  His kid isn’t going to throw a tantrum.  If they do, they’re leaving the store.  Hell, Papyrus will leave the entire cart behind right there and drag them out.  He’s not above taking a shortcut out of there with them, either.  If they want to come, then they have to behave.

SF!Sans:

Sans freaks out over everything and ends up making his brother help all during the baby stages.  Changing diapers is a big nope for him, too, and anything involving spit-up.  The first time he got vomit on his face, he looked like he was going to explode.He’s an attentive dad, at least.  He’s always pushing his child to do better, but at the same time, he points out everything wrong with the other kids, which will probably make his kid grow up to have a bully’s mentality.  Sans will FLIP OUT if anyone bullies his kid, however.  He teaches his kid to defend themselves, though, because he’s not going to fight their battles for them.  Which is ironic considering how he treats his brother.The first time his kid yells "I hate you!” at him, Blackberry yells it back and then locks himself in his room for two hours, sobbing into his pillow and lamenting every possible poor decision leading up to that point.He cooks his kid’s lunch for school every day, and if he ever finds out that they trash it and buy their lunch with money given to them by Blackberry’s S/O, he’ll be utterly crushed.

If his kid’s throwing a tantrum, Blackberry is going to give him something to throw a tantrum over.  He starts listing off punishments (no TV, no crayons, no toys, etc) and then tries counting to ten.  If neither are intimidating enough, he calls his brother to handle it while he goes off to seethe (read:pout) somewhere.

SF!Papyrus:

He’s super chill with the kid, but also an incredibly lazy parent.  Yeah, he’ll wake up during the night (because like the other lazybones, he has problems sleeping anyway), but between his brother, his S/O, and now a child, he’s juggling a lot of balls.  He lets his S/O handle most of the things related to school, and he doesn’t help with homework or assignments.  But he’s always there to lend an ear, to watch cartoons with, or to show any of their drawings/accomplishments.  He makes bullies disappear.  When he has the time, he hovers from the shadows.  If someone ever breaks his kid’s heart, he’ll break their legs.  That’s only 10% a metaphor because he’d probably really do it.He does encourage his kid to do their best, but he’s also going to try to raise them to be as independent as possible.  Basically, he’s taking the opposite approach to how he did with his brother.

If his child is throwing a tantrum in a store, Papyrus is going to put back any other toys they were going to get and then lean in close and tell them very firmly to stop. He’ll threaten to spank them, but let’s face it; he looks terrifying, and he doesn’t want to end up on YouTube himself.  So, if that doesn’t work, he’ll walk off.  If they don’t follow, he’ll carry them under his arm.  One way or another, he’s checking out and then leaving.  He’s not about to just ditch his cart because it’s more work for him when he has to come back later.  

[tarysande]

Fic Update: Any Four Walls: Cool Aunt

Heyyy, why not update a story I haven’t updated in more than a year while everyone is off playing new game? *finger guns*

(In all seriousness, sorry for the long delay. I don’t anticipate one NEARLY as long again. This chapter sets up an arc I’ve had in my head for years!)

On AO3

#

Cool Aunt

After three hours spent as sole caregiver to her brother’s daughters, Solana was beginning to have serious doubts about her own suitability as a parent, which made her current state of impending motherhood all the more terrifying. No going back now. Not even if she was having sudden visions of just how woefully underprepared she was. And she was. In vivid color.

Taking the girls off their parents’ hands for a day had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Step one to reaching coveted cool aunt status. Girls day out. Or in. Something. Fun. Definitely fun.

To be honest, she hadn’t actually thought that far ahead when she made the offer.

Garrus had an itinerary of political obligations as long as his arm, which only made Solana shudder and wonder how she could ensure her own position in the Hierarchy rose no further than it was already. Though Shepard had been perfectly willing to stay and entertain the children, Garrus did not disguise how much he wanted her with him. More than that, Solana knew they were far more effective a team when working together, especially when it came to fighting for things they believed in. Solana wasn’t privy to the details, but whatever it was they were dealing with now left a grim expression on her brother’s face whenever he thought no one was looking. Shepard’s wasn’t much better.

While arguing with one or the other of them was possible, when they presented a unified front, Sol wasn’t sure they’d ever actually failed. Being on kid-duty for a day seemed a small price to pay, if it helped relieve some of the tension lurking beneath her brother’s plates or in the furrowed cant of Shepard’s human brows.

Off they’d gone, and with them Naxus and her father to their respective work, leaving Solana in possession of two sleepy girls and many hours to fill. The sleepiness had worn off after breakfast, replaced by the kind of frenetic activity Solana usually associated with a firefight. Or stims. Or stims during a firefight.

And that was only hour one.

On hour four, tired to her bones and having exhausted all avenues of entertainment via vid-watching or reading or playing in the garden with nothing resembling nap time in sight, Solana bundled the girls into her skycar and took the scenic route into town. This served the dual purpose of helping pass time and avoiding some of the worst areas of Reaper destruction still in the process of being cleaned up. She didn’t need to ask to know Tyrra was uneasy; the girl sat in the back seat with her hands folded, looking anywhere but out the windows. Beside her sister, hip pressed to hip and shoulder to shoulder, Rose kept up a steady stream of conversation requiring no responses. Most of it seemed to be about some vid series Solana had never heard of.

With sinking certainty, Solana realized she was going to have to know these things at some point. Hot vids, and the names of the characters in them. The right toys. Lingo.

How to change a dirty baby. How to feed one. How to stop one from crying.

“Spirits,” she muttered under her breath.

“Are you okay, Auntie Sol?”

“Of course,” she lied, wondering about the stats on new parents who somehow broke their offspring in the first week. Or day. Or hour. She wondered if there was a record. She wondered if she was going to break it.

Machines she could do. Code? Without a doubt. Even the trickiest, most finicky wiring? Not a problem.

Real living creatures were a whole other matter.

There was, after all, a reason why she’d never kept pets.

“It’s just you have a real funny look, like the one Dad gets when he’s gotta go on the vids.”

“He hates the vids,” Tyrra added. Solana didn’t miss the way the girl’s subharmonics seemed to ask if Solana hated them the way Garrus hated public appearances.

With a touch more honesty than she was entirely comfortable with—and how honest were you supposed to be with children about things like this, anyway?—Solana replied, “I wasn’t busy hating anything, I promise.” One hand waved in the general vicinity of the alien lifeform now growing within her. “I’m only a little nervous about this whole having a kid of my own thing.”

“Why?” Rose asked, so guileless Solana could’ve hugged her. “You’ve been doing real good with us, except for when you almost mixed up the breakfast foods and when you almost locked us out of the house and when—”

Tyrra cleared her throat loudly.

“Oh,” said Rose. “Sorry. Yeah. You’re doing good. Definitely.”

She said definitely exactly the way Garrus would have said it. Only Garrus would have smirked. And then Sol would have had to kill him.

“I think you get used to it, anyway,” offered Tyrra, finally looking up from the hands folded in her lap. “Taking care of babies. They don’t do very much. Just eat and sleep and need their diapers changed. Mostly they like it when you hold them and sing to them, and they don’t like loud noises. They like to feel safe.”

Solana’s breath caught when she realized Tyrra was speaking from experience, and that the experience hid the kind of grief no nine-year-old kid should ever have known. Sol was forced to correct for an unintentional swerve. The weave and drop made Rose giggle.

“Well,” Sol said, too brightly, her subharmonics hiding nothing, “I have to admit I don’t have any experience at all. Garrus is the older brother; I think he did all the baby stuff when I was small. That’s what my mom always said when he pissed me off later, anyway: ‘Be nice to your brother, dear heart, he used to change your diapers.’”

“Dad’s pretty good with babies,” Rose agreed, kicking her feet back and forth. Solana noticed she was wearing different colored socks pulled up overtop of her envirosuit, one pink and one bright blue with sparkly stars. “Mom’s soooo bad.”

Tyrra’s mandibles fluttered in amusement. “She really is.”

Solana laughed. “If Shepard—of all people—can set such a low bar, maybe there’s hope I’ll be able to step over it.”

Tyrra glanced out the window and didn’t immediately look away; the smile remained on her face. Solana couldn’t help feeling it was a victory. “I think she doesn’t do well when she can’t talk to them.”

“Sounds about right.” Solana held up a finger. “She’s good with words.” She’s held up the other. “She’s good with guns.” Opening her palm, she shrugged one shoulder. “Something she can neither talk to or shoot at probably causes no end of discomfort. I should remember that.”

Tyrra laughed. Rose leaned forward against her restraints and said, “One time she almost dropped a baby someone wanted her to hold, like, for a picture? It was screaming and wriggling and the mom was all ‘Please, Commander Shepard’ even though Mom’s not a commander anymore but I guess that’s how everyone knows her and the baby was just like, ‘Wahh’ and Mom was getting all flustered until Dad kinda saved her and made a joke about always having her six even against, um, the most hostile hostiles? It was pretty funny. Then the baby puked right in her face. Like, a lot. I think it was on the vids. You should look it up.”

“Oh, I will,” said Solana, grinning. “I absolutely will. Now, girls, I was thinking we might do a little shopping, but we could also—”

When the crash sounded and the skycar began plummeting to the ground, Solana’s first thought was that there’d been some kind of rockfall—her route had taken them close to the mountains to avoid the worst of the valley’s Reaper destruction—but the screech of metal on metal whispered an even more alarming truth. They were under attack. Her fingers danced over the haptic interface, trying to wrestle back control and even out the car’s trajectory. Beneath her talons, her instruments recorded a flash of energy before flickering and dying.

She swallowed her panic because she had to. She had to.

In the shadow of the mountain, the interior of the vehicle was dark without its glowing lights and reassuring screens and readouts.

Rose screamed once, high and terrified. Tyrra remained silent, talons digging hard into the seat.

“It’s okay,” Solana said, breathless. The side of the car bounced hard off the rock face, potently punctuating her lie. She reached for the weapon at her hip, while scrambling for the other in its secret compartment under her interface panel. The first she attempted to hand to Tyrra, but the older girl only stared straight ahead, mandibles pulled tight to her face and eyes so wide Solana knew she was seeing something very different from the inside of a falling car.

—beasts wearing turian faces krogan bodies turian teeth tearing turian eyes and her leg her leg her leg leave me dad leave me just go on without me save yourself they’re turians oh spirits they were turians once—

Rose took the weapon before Solana could stop her. Her face was wet with tears beneath the envirosuit’s mask. With a weary sadness so at odds with her usual ebullience, Rose closed her hands around a grip far too big for her little hands and said, “I know what to do, Auntie Sol. Aim for the eyes. Always point at the eyes and pull and pull and pull and pull and don’t stop.”

Some of the pressure from above eased. The backup generator stuttered to life, providing enough power for Sol to get the safety landing gear mostly extended, though she had to release her restraints and reach for the manual controls to do so, and the damned things still stuck half-in, half-out. When the second crash came, her head hit the side window hard enough to make her see stars.

—turian faces krogan bodies turian keening from a monster’s throat—

The roar in her ears refused to diminish. Clutching at her weapon, she tried to see into the back seat, but her vision remained alternately blurred and dark. Pain arcing down her spine and across her belly stole a low keening note from her throat.

—i won’t leave you you know i won’t leave you—

Metal crunched. A third attack from above was enough to finally push the car into the dirt, and though the landing gear cushioned them somewhat, the lack of power and maneuverability sent Solana against the window again, curling so her back and cowl took most of the damage. She blinked, swiping at the blood in her eyes, gasping around the pain. She’d had worse. She’d lived through worse.

—turian teeth tearing—

“Rose? You okay, dear heart? Tyrra? Tyrra?”

“Yes,” replied Rose promptly. “Is…is it Reapers?”

“The Reapers are gone. I promise.” Solana swallowed hard, tasting yet more blood. Her bad leg felt strange, hollow. Like the phantom limb tingling she’d suffered before her surgery to replace it. Another screaming ripple of pain twisted her gut. “Is Tyrra—”

“She’s in the bad place.”

The driver’s side window imploded in a shower of glass that skittered across Solana’s plates without enough force to cause damage. She wasted neither time nor words, turning her gun in the direction of the sound and shooting. No satisfying sound of injury met her shots.

“Rose, tell me what you see.”

In a whisper, Rose said, “There’s a lot of legs, Auntie Sol. I can’t see their faces. It’s not Reapers. I think it’s—”

Unconsciousness found Solana before Rose finished. She fought it, clawing at the light with everything she had. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.

—they’re turians oh spirits they were turians once—