#he says he would take me to buffalo tho :>

[muirneach]

told my dad about the 19+ willi carlisle show and what venue its at and he was like. okay let me get my phone and i’ll text the owner to make him let you in. like HELLO??

[corvidae-00]

if your comfortable writing this, can i request joost with a reader who sh? he accidentally finds out by their sleeve accidentally sliding down or something (im on the brink of relapsing and i need angst with comfort 😭😭 not forcing tho lol, if ur uncomfortable writing this don't force yourself!!!)

A/n: I’m totally okay doing this! As someone who has fought this battle I totally get it and I hope you are okay Anon!! You have people who love you and you are so special in your own ways! Beautiful inside and out 🫶 I hope this helps and know you are never alone!! My DMs are always open honey

CW: SH, angst, sensitive topics, Joost being a sweetheart,

YOU ARE LOVED!! be safe everyone!

988 (suicide prevention)

It had been a pretty hot day in the Netherlands and your boyfriend Joost was set on taking you on a hike! Which would have been totally okay if you hadn’t just gone through a relapse… you don’t even know why it happened or what set you off, you cleaned them pretty well but they were still tender and you knew you couldn’t convince Joost to cancel the hike that he was so dead set on.

“Long sleeves, eh?” He blinks at you in suprise his owlish expression kinda funny “yeah! It’s a cute shirt!” You blow him off waving your hand dismissively and your boyfriend nods with a shrug “it is cute you got me there” he pinches your cheek before leaning down and giving you a big ol kiss on the cheek before peppering your face with them. The sunshine that your boyfriend is always makes you feel so free and warm. “Let’s go!! I want to get there before it gets packed!” He chirps taking your hand and pulling you out to the car after making sure you had enough water and packed the sun screen

After hiking for a few hours you and Joost found the most beautiful ledge looking over a beautiful river covered with pine trees and mountains as far as the eyes can see. “Wow” you mutter wiping your brow and fanning the neck of your shirt “that’s breathtaking” you mutter and Joost chuckles looking over at you “it is isn’t it? But the view infront of me is even better” he purrs and you look over at him blushing madly “don’t even with me” you laugh covering your face with your hands leading to Joost wrapping his arms around you in a big hug “let’s take a selfie!” He says tugging his phone out of his pocket “say cheese schat!” He puts the phone out in front of you two

As the sun gets closer and closer to setting the more you forget about your arms to busy listening to Joost tell you about random things he knows about the wilderness or just random facts he finds interesting. Without thinking you tug your sleeves up to your elbows to help the air circulate through your clothes and cool you off. Joost looks back at you mid laugh at a dumb thing he had brought to your attention about ducks “and then I learned that buffalo!-“ he stops taking a quick glance down at your revealed arms and pauses- and then you watch his face go through a few different emotions- landing on devastation “schat…” he mutters stepping towards you like you might run. Realizing your fatal mistake you can sense the color draining from your features

“Joost I-“ you try to come up with excuses or reasons but you come up empty “I’m-“ you stop feeling your boyfriend slowly pull you into his chest and wrap his arms delicately around you “why would you feel the need to hurt…” he questions searching for the words through his broken English “I don’t know…” you respond honestly not trying to move your arms or run away- just leaning into Joost like a life line “I’m so sorry-“ you start but joost shushes you softly shaking his head “don’t be sorry, you aren’t in trouble and you have nothing to be sorry for” joost says pulling away and gently bringing your arms up to his face kissing around the sounds careful not to irritate them or cause you pain “come to me next time my love” Joost mutters gently looking up at you “please allow me to help you” he pleads and you nod starting to tear up “okay..” you whisper and Joost straightens up and kisses you passionately “I love you with everything I am. I love you for any amount of time your head can come up with and more.” He confesses “and even more than that” he runs his fingers through your hair “I love you” he wipes away your tears and holds you close

When you two got home Joost had pulled you into bed and kissed you more times than you could count praising you and rubbing your back “you are beautiful. So beautiful” joost says softly between the two of you “beautiful”

A/N I hope you all know how loved you ALL are!!! I may not know everyone but I love everyone and no matter how hard your battle is never give up! You are all so strong!

Sorry if this seemed rushed or wasn’t that good…I’m on my phone and at work 😂 but I saw this request and knew I needed to get it out!!

I love you all!!!!!!

[joeyspuckbunny]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ joseph as a boyfriend ˚₊‧ ୨୧

pairing: j. woll x fem!reader summary: what is this cutie like as a bf? great question !! word count: 350 (ish) warning(s): FLUFF, very general (i will be doing more parts to this ofc), not proof read notes: my first written work for this blog !! enjoy !! xoxo

⟡ joe is literally the sweetest man on the planet

⟡ the most considerate man you could possibly date

⟡ would not hurt a fly (but will kill spiders for you)

⟡ on the first date he's so respectful

⟡ picks you up, comes to your door with flowers, opens and holds every door for you, pulls out your chair for you, asks so many questions, pays in full, drives you home, kiss on the cheek

⟡ a true southern gentleman

⟡ once y'all become official, he worships you

⟡ talks about you nonstop to the rest of the tml

⟡ texts you before and after every game

⟡ "wish me luck, baby"

⟡ gets you free tickets to all the games you wanna see irl

⟡ calls you as soon as he lands in a new city and facetimes when he makes it to the hotel

⟡ "i miss you so much, princess" "joe, it's been 3 hours and you're in buffalo" "i know but... still"

⟡ knows how unreliable toronto transit is so offers to drive you anywhere you need to be

⟡ reads in bed every night

⟡ likes stephen king, tom clancy, and any kind of sports memoir

⟡ will read aloud to you if you can't sleep

⟡ takes 2 hour naps at least once a day (either before a game, after practice or on the plane)

⟡ cooks all the time

⟡ makes you your comfort meals after a long day of work or school

⟡ has the metabolism of someone with really fast metabolism

⟡ eats literally 24/7 and never gains weight

⟡ never says no to a little takeout

⟡ often encourages it

⟡ "i'm gonna pick up chipotle on the way back from practice. want anything?"

⟡ loves staying in and watching movies instead of going out

⟡ he's not entirely against it he's just not really ever suggesting it

⟡ he does love when you dress up for things tho

⟡ "do a 360, sweetheart. let me take you in"

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law and shreds of closeness part 3: Donquixote Family Edition

What can I say, I got struck with inspiration yet again, the thoughts just do not want to leave me. This time it will get dark. And it will hurt, so feel warned. I will take a closer look at Law's closeness to the Donquixote Family and also do a small case study of affection between Doffy and Cora and their dad as well, to get a fuller context. Main focus will be on physical affection, yet again.

So what do you think, did Law get support and affection from his "second family"? I would say, very little. But let's look at evidence:

We have verbal support from Doflamingo himself when Giolla and Buffalo start to fear to touch Law or to even stay in the same room after they learn he's sick. That's 1:0 for him, I'm sure Law appreciated and remembered it. In retrospection, it would have been better for him if he didn't.

Then we have Giolla and Machvise who handled him like he's an object. Giolla keeps touching Law on the head, probably not caring why he seems displeased with it. She's just reinforcing the trauma, but I think overall she means well, she just doesn't think much about it. Giolla also shows Law the most physical affection and I swear it feels like she's trying to make up for her initial reaction, she's just not going the right way about it, making it worse instead.

Meanwhile we have Doflamingo, who despite defending Law before, never touches him. And I mean, never ever. Doffy remains cold not only with Law though, which we will see in a moment.

And then we have Baby5. She feels sorry for Law and even cried for him when she heard the story of Flevance (not in Law's presence tho), but she herself is bad with affection and care, because she also never received much, it also doesn't help that she is genuinely scared of Law's angry glares. All she can do to show him she cares is to smack and scold him. And of course when she does smack him it's on the head, which only becomes a trauma trigger over and over again. Those two just completely miss each other by a mile.

That's it. No other Donquixote Family's member ever tried to show some care in front of Law. They train him of course, but would you count kicking and punching him as a positive experience? Yeah, I don't think so.

And let's not forget Corazon, who carried Law like a bag of potatoes (and threw him around) for a long time, even after he kidnapped him. The Trip to Hospitals All Around the World kinda made him become better, holding Law close, trying to make him smile, carrying him all the time and at one point he even begs Law: "please give me the chance to do things right, stay strong for 3 more weeks!". Doesn't change the fact the touches he did give Law at the beginning were brutalized forms of affection, and we can't really forget that fact: that's exactly how Law's trauma of being touched on the head even started in the first place.

He already trained for awhile, but he still failed in the confrontation, and I think it was because of the touch. Being pinned down made Law probably freeze and unable to move. But even after being saved by Doflamingo, Law doesn't even try to seek support in him, unlike Baby5. Here we can see Doflamingo is alright if someone seeks comfort in him, but he will not give it by himself. That makes Doflamingo-Law combo the worst possible match up, a person who will never give it first and a person who will never ask for it, no wonder things were always cold between them.

Thanks to the fight against Smoker in Punk Hazard we learn that Law managed to overcome his trauma of being pinned down to a significant degree, because he manages to escape on his own. This scene gets an extra focus in the manga (it takes like 5 different frames!) which further convinces me it's that siginifcant. Law probably trained himself not to get overwhelmed like that ever again. Still, I can't help but notice soon after this happened Law starts to have troubles breathing, which means it still didn't leave him unaffected. He pushes to finish the fight faster afterwards as well.

One of his trauma triggers is feeling helpless and being pinned down definitely counts for that. I don't think this started with Vergo, I would say it was already a thing after Flevance, when he had to discover more and more dead bodies of people dearest to him, unable to do anything about it.

Let's look at his symptoms thanks to which we can recognize he's going through a triggering situation. Visible shivering, heavy panting (to the point of weezing which makes me think it can even go as far as bordering on hyperventilation or the opposite - apnea). And then in the last image he just goes stiff which I interpret as him completely freezing up. Damn, that's actually a lot. It's very similar to Robin's trauma responses in Water 7.

You can also notice that Law clenches his fists and it seems to be a sign that he's struggling or forcing himself to be strong. He still does it *a lot* when he's an adult. I think it might have honestly became a habit. He does that just before a battle, in most stressful situations when he knows he can't show his emotions (or just doesn't want to), and well, if we go by the anime version, also when he leaves Wano with his own crew. Basically any time he makes a firm resolve or a hard decision, he also does that. I swear sometimes it feels like he struggles for half of the Dressrosa and Punk Hazard, which you know what, might be way too accurate.

Also bonus wholesome points for Luffy caring more to support Law and Muucy than caring for falling into water himself. I'm not sure how much that helped Law when he was dealing with a triggering situation, especially that unfortunate contact with the top of his head. I guess it's still better than similar situation but with Law completely alone.

This puts this scene into a completely new perspective, right? He's shivering here and definitely froze up, even his speech bubble looks distressed. He's not getting angry here, his trauma trigger kicked in. I did check if he ever shivers or freezes up when he tries to, for example, stop himself from feeling angry, but no, we never see that happen. I'm sorry for ruining the comedy :( tho to make it better, he's also shocked, because just moments before Strawhats feared him, and now they already don't and even laugh at him. Damn, I'm now so torn about this scene, I mean, Strawhats couldn't have known!

Now a promised closer look at Donquixote family's approach to closeness and touch. When they were still Celestial Dragons, they barely touched each other. No small touches on the back, hand holding or anything else you usually share with kids. The closeness starts only after they're all starting to be persecuted. First time we see Doffy holding his mom's hand is when they run away from their burning house. First time we are shown Homing hugging his kids is when village people are beating them up and he is just trying to cover them with his own body, so he takes the beating instead of his kids.

The last memory Rosinante has of his father is the hug. And the first memory he has of Sengoku is also a sort of half-hug. Might be why he got so attached to him.

Little Doflamingo and Rosinante are always together, but they never touch in any way. It's clearly Doffy who takes care of his younger brother, probably also telling him to toughen up.

Weird mocking touch on the head from Trebol. And like always, no one ever touches Doflamingo, not even his own officers, and that's true ever since Doffy was a child.

He even tells Trebol he's too close. Doffy doesn't want touches anymore, because it seems in his mind he understands them as someone protecting him, and he doesn't need protection. Ever since he killed Homing, Doffy took the role of being a head of the family and protecting Rosinante, so no more hugs or hand holding for him. In other words, Doflamingo associates physical affection with protection and incoming abuse. And whenever he touches someone it's exactly for that reason: to hurt them.

An interesting parallel because this happens in exactly same chapter: Law is trying to move away because Luffy's "too close". He even lets him take the transponder away and just stands there and waits. And you might wonder: what for? Is he hoping Luffy will give it back by himself?

No, it just took some extra time for Law to brace himself to touch Luffy and shove him to the side. Even though both Doffy's and Law's first instinct here is to move away, Law is struggling but actually tries to overcome it, contrary to Doffy, who seems content in his "no touching" comfort zone.

Let's take a look at Dressrosa now. Doffy is carrying Law by his clothes, Law is unconscious, but he will not touch him directly anyway. Cora-san used to do it as well at first to Law.

But then, you might ask, they fought so much in Dressrosa, surely some kind of touch had to happen as a result? I mean, most of them were indirect touches with Doffy's strings, kicking Law or stopping him by grabbing his sword. But you are right, exactly two touches do happen. You're not gonna like it.

This is literally the first time Doflamingo ever touched Law. To stop his attack he forcefully grabbed his hand. Law is shivering, this actually triggers him, and there's just no way Doflamingo doesn't know that, he can feel it.

And then he makes the full use of the situation. Doflamingo holds Law up in the air, but we can see by the onomatopeia that he's literally holding him up by his hand alone and Law is just freely dangling there, Doffy's not using any strings to immobilize him, not even armament haki. He doesn't even need to. Finally he gave Law the touch he must have been craving when he was a child from him, but it's not a caring one, and what's the next thing Doflamingo does to that hand he just touched? He cuts it off, ripping open the psychological wounds, making them deeper, perhaps hoping Law will never recover from them. Because that's the easiest way to control him later if he wishes to do so, to make him pliant, defenseless and unable to fight back and terrified. But also to punish him for the "rebellion" against him... but also to punish Law for his need and fear of touch. This is a lesson: never want affection, closeness or touch, you're never getting any. Unless it's this: abuse. And if you don't think this is terrible enough, let me remind you: this is their first touch *ever*, Law probably waited for it when he was a kid.

And Law is just hanging there, not even trying to move, and it lasts for like three or four pages long, and I remember when I reread this a couple of times, I was a bit puzzled. Why isn't Law struggling to release himself? Why is he just letting this happen? Especially when it's becoming very clear what Doflamingo is gonna do next. So I have my answer: Law froze up, it's his body shutting off on it's own and all he can do is to just be there and wait for it to be over. It's painful, because we know Law always struggles, always fights back, and he tries here, with words, but he can't do anything else and he just watches it happen.

And this is the second time Doflamingo touches him. It's after the Gamma Knife attack, Doffy knows what he's doing here, he chooses to make contact with Law's head/face (he must have noticed Law's discomfort to it before when Giolla often did it to Law as a kid, and now he utilized this knowledge). He tries to make Law freeze up so he can't finish his move and who knows, maybe that was the final factor of why Law failed to kill off Doflamingo.

To wrap things up, I will share the interesting parallel that I think can be drawn between two rather unexpected characters: Law and Boa.

Both Law and Boa are most comfortable around Bepo (and the snake in Boa's case). Both are victims of brutalized touch and lack of loving and caring one. But while Law fearfully accepts what's given to him, Boa rejects it (even symbolically by kicking fluffy animals away or refusing any show of affection like gifts). Both are touch starved, but Boa will never even try to touch Luffy, and the only time Luffy touched her was in that stealth mission in Impel Down (they didn't have the choice) and hugging her after she gave him the key to Ace's cuffs. Boa doesn't return the gesture, she is very flustered and falls to the ground afterwards, which reminds me a little of her later scene with Rayleigh. Not even Boa's own sisters are shown to share any sort of physical affection with her, Boa shows cold and manipulative attitude to almost everyone besides them. The only other person Boa ever touched was Rayleigh (she's on the ground here again) after he helped them fight off Blackbeard's assault on Amazon Lily and it might be a traumatic response: Blackbeard tried to strangle her after all. Boa's love is passionate and platonic, she shows her affection and caring with indirect gestures (food preparation, offering support and help etc.), probably because that's what she remembers others tried doing for her before. She can't even deal with intimacy face to face and Law also tends to act cold to very open displays of affection and emotions.

Big thanks to @tae-rambles for mentioning the scene with Boa that completely slipped my mind <3 added it in the edit!

[bomberqueen17]

moo

there is a cow lying in the park across the street being very idyllic in the morning mist.

last night we finally asked at the front desk if this hotel has a pool. it does. it closes at 9pm tho. the guy gave us directions and we went to find it. it was a four-minute walk at fairly high speed, through several fire doors, down several hallways i would never have guessed were part of this building, and there was absolutely no signage of any kind. but there's an attendant. so it feels to me like. they should want someone to know about this so they can justify the cost of the attendant???

anyway it was a truly wild odyssey. we arrived like ten minutes before closing and the attendant was like "..... can i help you" very weary-politely and we were like "no! we just wanted to find the place!" and he was visibly much happier then and told us all about it.

my new phone is huge and clunky and one of the camera lenses is slightly damaged, but the lens that works is really good so i did take a bunch of good photos and at some point i will organize and present them. today is another outing, however. and i will take even more photos of this outing.

i looked at my credit card statement and in fact they did *not* charge me a hundred quid to not fix my phone, they only charged me for the new phone and then the new-new actually-working phone on top of that.

the cellphone store clerk also asked us, since we'd admitted to being americans, who we were voting for, and when we answered, he said "she's totally going to win! i have asked eight americans recently and seven of them said her!" and dude was like, diplomatically, sir, the sorts of americans who travel to europe are going to be disproportionately the ones who vote like they know there's a rest of the world that exists, so your sample might be skewed. i was still being horrified that an american traveling abroad would admit to supporting That One. blggh if you're going to be a troglodyte stay the fuck home, you don't deserve europe.

i said "politics have been sort of weird here yah?" and he was like "people here aren't political" and i said "what a luxury!"

he also was like "your election affects us though" and i was like "that is a true and reasonable statement."

last night i ordered fish and chips in a restaurant and i had made conversation about how much nicer the weather was than i'd prepared for, for this trip, so the waiter was like ah is it your first fish and chips and i was like oh i used to live here, rather than attempting to explain to him that actually fish fries are a regional specialty in buffalo and they are remarkably identical to the experience here only we have better side dishes XD (srsly britain try german potato salad sometime it's p great as a potato delivery vehicle and it also includes bacon)

i will say when i came here as a teenager i wound up with a really weird accent, but on this trip the combo of traveling with a fellow american and also not being immersed in it to the same extent and also not being seventeen means my normal accent has just gotten slightly stronger i think. i mean also i was here for most of a year then, and this hasn't even been a week, so.

ok time to go out on the balcony and take a picture of this persistently scenic cow.

[velvetvexations]

But they still use the n-word, anon. They still use the n-word. Yet you think that years and years ago they were so worried about being "challenged" on grounds of transphobia ("transmisogyny" was not in widespread use at the time) that they felt the need to change their language? Even though they still, to this day, use the n-word.

You're an idiot.

And yes, actually, GNC boys who present in a feminine matter does affect things! You can't seriously pretend that every single depiction of an AMAB person wearing women's clothing could only ever possibly be a trans woman or based on trans women. That's not only ahistorical and erases real people right in front of you, but it also gets fucking racist as hell when you start imposing that view on other countries. Did you know, for instance, that "kathoey", the term "ladyboy" is a translation of, is generally used by people who self-identify as men? Because I'm guessing the answer is "no."

Femboys are and have always been a thing, stop fucking erasing them and appropriating their language just because you desperately want the world to revolve around you.

So many young trans girls are going to come out of this traumatized from the dooming, isolated and potentially trapped in abusive relationships because they'd been indoctrinated into the belief that only other trans women will ever love and support them.

The problem is that it has "fab" in there, so they can't do it like they're trying to do with femboy because it inherently points to "TMEs."

(2/2 ana mardoll) i really dont mind when trans women genuinely criticize specific terrible shit that a trans man has actually done, and mardoll has always been a fucking loser who does all the stereotypical negative shit that people tend to act like trans men do. i just wish people would not act like its standard behavior to be like that and judge us all on the basis of the worst of our community lmao. this is behavior that goes both ways tho, trans men judge trans women like this too. idk lol

The person I've seen most accused of being a ringleader was Neon Yang, who was definitely not that even though they contributed. The one I most remember was the trans woman who said something to the effect of "yeah well it didn't sound like the author was trans so I was completely justified actually" and that drives me up a wall because the transradfem girlies are going to lose their mind when I post the first chapter of Nursed with Kerosine.

I have to answer them mostly in batches, with a few exceptions, because I get so many.

@ratbastarddotfuck

Imagine if everyone just decided to start saying a PoC who votes Republican is white.

It's going to be difficult for them to ever actually make a callout post for me because they can screenshot my takes but there will never be a single piece of evidence that I've ever harassed anyone and they know it.

It's not just about taking it seriously, but it's extremely repellent just as content and can be severely triggering, which it would have been for me if I hadn't watched it when I was a teenager before The Deeplore Trauma settled into my bones. I don't think I can even get into the later stuff now because of the association.

But fuck me gently with a chainsaw, everything else about it should be immensely cool and it sucks it's not in something that isn't weighed down by that.

Explicitly using dysphoria as a plot point like that is interesting and does sound like good fuel for a transfem headcanon.

No, it isn't, the only thing being discussed is whether he fits the criteria for "TMA" or not, and he does.

Buffalo Bill is not a stereotype of trans women, and in fact I applaud and deeply appreciate the author for making that crystal clear and treating trans people with great respect and sympathy for the time in which it was written, but he became the model for a stereotype of trans women that transphobes have taken and ran with since the day the the movie came out.

[mazzystar24]

the edits once they go canon are going to be next level

(i also admittedly can’t wait to be petty too and comment on every single one of them going “look at this beautiful CANON ship” since apparently being canon is the only thing that makes a ship valid /j🤭🤭)

Our range🤩

we can be sobbing over edits while being petty 😭😭

No fr tho the minute gay Eddie or buddie are canon I’m giggling and making jokes like no tomorrow

I may not have the talent to make edits or fics or anything but I am a court jester at heart so I shall be making many many jokes

Back to the edits yesss I will personally be requiring:

My love mine all mine

Lover you shouldve come over (personally one of my ideal songs if the buddie confession/kiss required a soundtrack)

Paper rings

Lover

The alchemy

He could never love you (SHUT UP SHUT UP I GOTTA GO MAKE A POST OR ANNOY MY FIC WRITING FRIENDS ABOUT THIS ONE)

Until I found you (cos of the how could we ever just be friends)

We’re in love (boygenius l because it’s so underrrated and so unbelievably a buddie song - “we’re not swapping blood” “And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been It wasn't flattering But you listened like it mattered” “would you still love me if it turns out I’m insane I know what you’ll say but it helps to hear you say it anyway” “And I'll be feeling lonely So I'll walk to karaoke” “Who looks like hell and asks for help And if you do, I'll know it's you” “I can't imagine you without the same smile in your eyes There is something about you That I will always recognize And if you don't remember I will try to remind you”

Keep me warm - Ida Marie (also one of my buddie ideal soundtracks and also criminally underrated as a buddie song)

Anything from hozier’s discography that man can scream into the mic and it’d be the most romantic shit you’ve ever heard

Crack option: my best friend’s hot by the dollyrots (yes this was also my crack karaoke guess but listen I need this song to play around buck when in proximity to Eddie- whatta man scene 2.0 if you may)

Truly truly - grant Lee buffalo

So highschool - listen Eddie officially does know how to ball and you can’t tell me walking encylopedia has full ass bookshelves in the loft buck doesnt in fact know Aristotle - plus y’all already know they will have no sense of decorum (yes this is about the lyrics jk jk)

Lucky- Jason mraz, colbie caillat (I don’t even particularly listen to this song but “lucky I’m in love with my best friend lucky to have been where I’ve been lucky to be coming home again they don’t know how long it takes waiting for a love like this”)

Nothing- Bruno major (CMON THE VIDEO GAMES AND THE DOMESTICITY IT ALL SO BUDDIE)

Oh god you asked for none of this but you’re getting these songs 😭😭 sorry babe you should know I’ll take a simple ask and go on and on😔💔💔💔💔

[hibiscuslynx]

hi it’s me again. (the anon who said i liked seeing you on my dash) i love hockey and baseball (really any sport atp), and have noticed you do as well, so do you have any New Jersey and New York sports headcanons?

HI! WELCOME BACK! AND OH BROTHER (or sibling/sister) DO I EVER !!!!!!

when that hudson river rivalry hits >>>>>>>>>>>>>

devils/rangers rivalry goes fucking crazzyyyyy in the statehouse yeah its not buffalo but tables are still being broken alright. noses too. you shouldve SEEN the shit that hudson river rivalry was getting up to in the 2010s . nj/ny r the same fucking way btw. fighting ur long-esteemed rival every time your teams meet >>>>>>>>>. i like to think this extends to devils/islanders and devils/sabres matches too bc thats all still new york even tho the rivalry isnt as strong there in the actual sport but i want these goofers to have fun soooo. i say they get really into those matches too. they use sports as a way to ✨bond✨ even though they would kill me if i said that.

nj does not have a baseball team so i imagine he isnt the biggest baseball fan in the world. definitely a hockey, football, and (college) basketball guy to me. new york, on the other hand, may quite possibly be the biggest baseball fan you have ever seen.

did you guys know. that the new york jets and the new york giants play in the same stadium. THE SAME STADIUM!!!! they literally live in the same fucking house. thats crazy. and you know where that stadium is? IN NEW JERSEY. new york is just leeching off of new jersey atp. maybe thats why he’s such a ride or die for the bills actually bc its the one team he has that actually you know is in new york.

i also think they actually play sports yk . the NE has some damn good hockey matches . nj & ny both play forward, nj more of a gritty(ha) fiery guy who does the tough work and quite frankly a little bit of a pest. likes to get under your skin. sneaky good shot. winger, plays either side. ny, on the other hand, is a two-way forward, center, plays damn good defensive and offensive hockey, can double as an offensive defenseman too. u can find him all over the ice, in the right spots, doing what he needs to be doing. not known for his hits but lays good ones.

they also play football too !! i know jackshit about football though so i could not tell you what positions they play. all i know is quarterback 😭 is it basic of me to say ny quarterback? who knows. i dont!

looping back to hockey. theyre both diehard proponents that you should not take fighting out of hockey . mfs r projecting over here. new jersey threatens suicide every time his team does badly. he alternates between being mad at his team for sucking and then muttering “im gonna fucking kill myself” afterwards. (i know you didnt ask abt PA but he does the same. there’s this tweet thats like ‘every person ive ever met from philadelphia is a lovely person who casually expresses suicidal ideation within 2 minutes of talking anout their sports team’ and its the funniest thing in the world to me. does this tie into new jersey hcs? technically, yes, bc i hc theyre brothers ^_^ enough of that tangent) new york does not do that . i just dont feel like hes that kinda guy! he is very passionate about his teams tho. they both are tbh!

this is kind of all over the place but i hope you enjoy anon ^_^ and anyone who happens to read this. this is mostly about hockey SORRY thats what i know and love LMAO

[ohlsteelheads]

Depending on how many trout alumni make the show this year my bank account is gonna fucking suffer

[kingvoiddd]

HERE IT IS!!

(DRESSROSA SPOILERS)

(Also TW for blood/animal de@th)

Here's part of the indulgent content just make Doflamingo a dilf, adoptive father style cause I wanted him, however shit a perent he would ever be- to have some Good Dad Moments(tm)

Cause he's all about family right, just give him a nee kid to have in the family and then BOOM gove him some happy moments (within the 10 year reign of Dressrosa pre-Dressrosa arc)

The kids name, for fun and because I'm not creative is Donquixote Rosette ;;)

The lore i gotta spoil tag it BUT;

But Rosette reminds him oddly of his brother, Corazon so he sometimes calls him that, kind of pretending this 8 year old boy acquired the heart seat in his palace. He does say that shit to spite Law a lot, I know his ass lifted this boy up simba style and declared him the prince, his heir. And for the longest time the city ate that shit up.

Rosette's too soft tho at the start, since he is human, he's prolly seen his fair share of trauma but Doffy wants to raise him to be able to do his bidding even at the age of a child, so he probably send shim out to hunt and kill small animals to get the taste of death by his own hands, first time he did it he came back clutching a mouse crying; Doffy wiped his tears kissed his forehead and praised him for his first kill, and told him he'd have to do it again, and again, with bigger and bigger prey eventually. And eventually he stopped crying coming back with a kill. Ofc Doffy knew his son's limits and what animals he COULDNT fight/kill but he always let him try, he didnt SERIOUSLY care if the kid did die, but having an heir to keep around was his best plan yet.

So the kids a little fucked up, but thats bc of Doffy. He's deemed the prince and everyone in the family treats him as such- honest Baby 5 and Buffalo might be a LIITTTLE ticked he gets pampered when they as kids didnt really get that all that much.

But still, he's baby

And yeah sometimes Doffy will have his dad moments-

Like taking him into town on his shoulders, catching Rosette asleep curled in his feather jacket (Doffy proceeds to slide to the ground clutching his shirt and using a snail to take photos)

And making breakfast in the morning which i dont think he ever did with himself.

He's not a good man nor a good dad but he has his moments

And Rosette is attached to Doffy despite his evilness because he's the only one in the world to love him so far, and his life got way better when he met Doflamingo- so why hate him? That's his father now!

Also I feel post Dressrosa Rosette would be taken in by the Navy to try and reform and rehome this poor boy because after Doffy got locked tf up he would have had nowhere else to go, they might try and make him a soldier, if he doesnt escape their hold first.

Anyway I care them a lot- dont even get me started on my other ocs (which is just for OC x Canon)

[msookyspooky]

As an astrology bitch that has everyones charts; My HC on Severen's big 6 in his birth chart.

(Please don't be like THAT'S NOT HOW I AM AND I HAVE A LEO MOON! bc your chart is a recipe and those signs are ingredients. Chocolate and marshmallows together are going to be different than say marshmallows and yams. So a Leo Moon with a Capricorn sun is different than someone with a Gemini Sun and Leo Moon...Okay? Okay!)

Taurus Rising

Partially since Bill is a Taurus Sun and you can tell. They have the wide chiseled jaw, wider bodies and faces, thicker necks, wide shoulders that kind of taper as opposed to Sagittarius that have sharper angles, I cannot stress this enough; *puppy dog eyes* and prominent cheekbones that come with a Taurus Rising or Sun but especially Rising. No idea what Bill's Ascendant is but if it's Taurus it wouldn't surprise me bc even tho the sun and moon help contribute to appearance and demeanor; the Ascendant is key...And combined with the obvious Taurus physical traits, Severen gives off idgaf intimidating Earth vibes when he's not talking. Just look at him in the camper when Caleb was asleep. Fire Risings are warm, Water Risings are reserved but sweet in disposition, Air Signs are friendly but not as warm as Fire Signs, Earth Rising signs are quiet and aloof. He just gives that vibe when he's (rarely) not talking.

Leo Sun

Confidence out the roof. The Sun is what we strive to be/our essence. He's Proud, Bold, Confident, takes up space and does not care who likes it. They love playing more than Leo Moons too in my experience. This sign really shines in the Sun placement. They walk in and command a room. While a Leo Moon is more interpersonal and warm with close friends, a Leo sun is THERE. Severen is cracking jokes with anyone, making grand gestures and kicking the door down to let everyone know he's arrived. Look how he entered that bar and loudly insulted everyone; that is the most Leo Sun thing I've ever seen especially if he has a Fire Moon.

Aries Moon

Your sun is like your ideas and your being while the moon is your emotions and reactions. Aries Suns are confident but they're content being still, working on goals and are fine being alone more often. An Aries Moon is wild, LOUD, uncontrollable, stubborn, craves social interaction, rebels just for the sake of it. SEVEREN, SEVEREN, SEVEREN. Someone described an Aries Sun as a trained soldier vs an Aries Moon being an Outlaw in the Wild West and that sums it up perfectly! I will NOT budge on him being an Aries Moon. NEVER.

Sagittarius Mercury

Goofiest mfers. They are funny af! But sometimes funny in a mean way that's 'damn bro' bc that's so fucking mean. No filter...None whatsoever that rubs some ppl the wrong way. Some would describe it as immature and at times. Will probably tell everyone your secrets. I'm js. They just blurt shit out without thinking and that includes what you tell them in confidence. Honest to a default when it comes to opinions on things even if it's tactless. Great story tellers too. How energetic Severen is when he speaks, how he likes to rehash old stories like the Chicago fire, him telling the joke about Buffalo Bill in the bar out of no where, his extremely blunt nature. He is a Sagittarius Mercury that's made even funnier and more entertaining by his Aries Moon and Leo Sun. Very go big or go home energy with everything they do.

Aries Mars

Mars is your passions. He is hot tempered, impulsive, takes action right away, has hardly any fear even from the sun despite it hurting him, they like shit said straight away no diplomacy or beating around the bush. Hot tempered but just as easy to forgive and forget bc they get it all out in the open the minute they're pissed off. He wanted to rip Caleb apart, and the night after that, gave him his spur for doing a good job the night before. Water under the bridge! Then wanted to rip him apart again bc of him betraying them. But I can guarantee you if Homer wouldn't have wanted Sarah, Caleb would have came back, returned the spur as a sign of respect and Jesse allowed it; he'd get over it just as quickly if not sooner than everyone else unlike say...Homer who sits there and holds grudges. Severen could care less about holding grudges....And Sex? Primal, rough, loves a challenge, spontaneous. They can flip from being madly in lust to bored very easily but when he's in lust with you? DAMN that man wants you BAD. Expect to be shoved against a wall the minute you spark something in him. The most instinctively sexual placement. Like, they are all about the dirty animalistic side of sex...Did I mention they tend to have a corruption kink and love bratty subs for the challenge? SEVEREN.

Scorpio Venus

This may be surprising but as a Scorpio Venus, I know another Scorpio Venus when I see one. We don't trust ppl easily, we don't open up easily but when we do like you? OMG. We are extremely protective, possesive and loyal to you and depending on the other placements it can be jealous and obsessive as well. It is one of the most loyal signs in Venus but also the most toxic. You can tell he doesn't accept newcomers easily, look how he was with Caleb. And the ones he does accept and care about; he'll put his life on the line for them without a second thought. In Near Dark, he is constantly putting himself in the crossfire for his Clan. He'd be the same way with a S/O. It would take him a VERY long time to romantically trust a partner. Sex? Sure. That's the Mars sign. But telling them his secrets and being exclusive? It's gonna take a while as a Scorpio Venus. KINGS AND QUEENS OF SLOW BURN LMFAO. We also don't hyperfocus on relationships (As we see with him in the movie. He doesnt have a partner and doesn't seem to care) bc either we're all in or we're all out. We expect the same of a partner; either you are in love and passionate towards us or we're moving on. With him having an Aries Mars, he either ignores you or love bombs you for sure. It wouldn't shock me if you tell him a secret about yourself or open up to him and he is falling for you hard...I'm not saying your secrets safe with him but he would appreciate the gesture.

We tend to think Venus is only romantic relationships but that's not true. It's your love language and how you are in ALL relationships. Family, friends, lovers etc. It's also your sense of style (And some say what you want in a female partner but I don't focus on male vs female aspects in astrology like that. I think Venus is what you look for in any partner. Period.) Speaking of style. We like black, leather, lace alternative style. What Severen wears is my ideal style for a man as a Scorpio Venus and I tend to wear alternative styles as well. I hate to say this but if Im JUST STARTING to like a guy that dresses in alt clothing and I see him change into a Hawaiian polo shirt or urban style I get the ick 😭 I feel so bad but we are so attracted to alternative looks and ppl and I can GUARANTEE Severen is the same way. If he saw an alternative woman (Or man or nonbinary he gives bi vibes) walk by him he'd be checking her out and making a move for something other than feeding... But like I said, romantically it'll take some time to gain that trust and passion he has. But when you do? Think Gomez and Morticia. Dark, passionate, protectivly possesive, obsessed and enraptured with each other. Severen wouldn't be able to keep his hands off a partner and would want to be apart of their life in every way he can. 🖤

[yuthoe]

Day 11: Opposites Attract (MONSTA X: Lee Minhyuk)

I have filled my minhyuk quota for this month jk, but i didn't really foresee posting another minhyuk fic so soon. this is way simpler tho than the last one tho, and more of a slice of life kinda fic. it has no plot whatsoever and i really hope it doesn't bore you guys. today's prompt from this list is:

Day 11: Soulmates

and i decided on minhyuk because he seems like the pickiest member of mx to me, like he's very vocal about his preferences and i thought it would be fun to give him a soulmate who likes things that he hates, like chicken and cucumbers.

PAIRING: Lee Minhyuk x reader. GENRE: fic, fluff. WARNINGS: none. WORD COUNT: 978.

---

You set down delivery bags from two different food places on your coffee table, pushing the microwaveable rice off to the side. Minhyuk is rummaging in the kitchen for eating implements, making loud clanking noises as he looks for the plates and utensils.

“Babe,” his disembodied voice calls. “Where do you put those tiny plates again?”

“Second drawer under the sink,” you answer, taking the boxes out of the plastic bags and opening them to check which box has what. The one with the buffalo chicken is for you, and the dish with spicy samgyupsal is for Minhyuk. “Have you already forgotten what my kitchen looks like after just two weeks of not visiting?”

You hear him scoff. “I mean, it’s not how I would arrange my kitchen, but fiiiine.” He rounds the corner with a bottle of cola tucked under an arm, two plates under the other, and glasses holding the utensils in his hands. He kneels down beside you and sets everything down, opening the soda with a loud pffssst before fully sitting on the floor with an excited sigh.

You pour the soda into your glasses as Minhyuk opens the rice, dumping the contents onto your respective plates. The teamwork is seamless, practiced throughout months of eating together and getting used to how the other prepares their meal.

It’s almost funny how the universe decided to put you two together, seeing as you virtually have nothing in common. You’re even absolutely sure that, if not for the soulmate tie, you two would have never met. It was pure coincidence that brought you to that concert and left you to banter with each other for the rest of your lives, having debates on the best movies or who’s more valid—Minhyuk for refusing to eat chicken or you hating all kinds of seafood?

After your eyes met at one of MONSTA X’s concerts and the tattoo almost searing itself into your skin, you both had The Talk, huddled in the corner of the cafe at the hotel the group was staying at. The game of 20 Questions remains one of the most awkward conversations of your life.

Your opinion on cucumbers?

Oh, god, I hate them.

Seriously?

Yeah, the texture is so weird!

But I love cucumbers?

Eeehhh???

Even pickles?

Even and especially pickles.

Oh my god, and you’re supposed to be my soulmate?

I’m just as confused as you.

Right now, the two of you eat peacefully, eyes glancing at the TV playing Pacific Rim, which neither of you has seen, but is somehow within the few genres you both like. The lore gets you hooked, and Minhyuk is a sucker for character design of the jaegers and kaijus. Eventually you both get stuffed and just watch the movie with rapt attention while clutching your drinks, holding your breaths as the underwater combat scene continues, and then breathing a loud sigh when Raleigh opens his eyes and he and Mako hug.

You immediately discuss the movie as the credits starts rolling, talking excitedly about the ingenuity of drift compatibility and the color grading of the downtown Hong Kong scenes, while cleaning up the boxes and plates.

Minhyuk arranges the utensils and plates, while you take the boxes into the kitchen to put them in leftover containers. The easy conversation continues as Minhyuk washes the dishes and you put the leftovers in the fridge.

“Maybe I should get a tattoo of that kaiju that looks like a snake,” he suddenly says, and you whip your head to look at him.

“What? No, at least get a tattoo of the jaeger instead of the kaiju,” you reply, folding the takeout boxes to fit into the trash bin.

“But the kaiju designs are so cool, and it would match my whale!” Minhyuk pushes a blob of the citrus hand soap by the faucet and furiously scrubs.

“Where would you even put it, though? On your back?” you ask, also washing up beside him. “Are you going for like, a full back tattoo or something?”

He looks at you, face almost offended at your suggestion. “What? No, I was just thinking of a tiny one, maybe just the head. Don’t know where I’d want it to go yet, though.” He turns the faucet back on and you take turns rinsing, shaking off the water at the same time.

There’s a whole box of oranges your mom sent you from the country and the blond crouches over it, smelling the butt of each one he picks until he finds the sweetest in the bunch. He peels it then and there, taking a tentative bite of a wedge before shoving the whole slice in his mouth. You smile at him as he chews, finding his demeanor cute, like a puppy.

“Are you staying tonight?” you ask, leaning on the edge of the sink.

Your soulmate thinks for a moment, then nods his head decisively. “Yeah, if you’re okay with it,” he replies through a mouthful of orange.

You shrug. “It’s fine,” you say, pushing off the sink to crouch beside him at the box of oranges. You don’t take a bite of Minhyuk’s orange, since you know he prefers them sweet, instead hunting for a tougher and more tart one. “You gotta shower first, though. You still kinda smell like you spilled all of Hyunwoo-oppa’s colognes all over you.”

“Hey,” he nudges your arm with his elbow. “In my defense, I did spill a couple on myself, but that was because both bottles were really big and I overestimated my arm strength.” He pops another wedge into his mouth.

You laugh as you peel your orange. “No kidding? Now you really have to shower, I’m not getting in bed with you unless you do.”

“Fine, fine,” he concedes, setting aside the peels and looking for another sweet one. “After one more orange.”

[officialgritty]

NHL FANTASY CUP ROUND 2

Here is the compilation post for all of the round 2 results, I hope you enjoyed and the next round will be posted ASAP! (and I actually mean ASAP this time)

If you want to join in, it’s not too late! Here’s the link to sign up for the taglist! If I am unable to tag you or you haven't been getting these, please do send me a message with your new user. 

I’ve tried to keep my favourite responses short, purely because this post would be way too long. I appreciate all the reasoning given though!!!

Boston Bruins VS Vegas Golden Knights

(4 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Bruins received 9 and the Golden Knights received 8.

Winner: Boston Bruins

My opinion: THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YALL HAVE MANAGED TO GIVE THE LOSER A HIGHER SCORE SO I HAD TO CHANGE IT TO MATCH THE VOTES

My favourite responses:

“Chris Evans breaks swords with his biddies.”

“After time travelling thru the middle ages they finally get Knighted which gives them the ego boost needed to best the bruins.”

“I'd say that Ransom!Knives Out might have some hockey knowledge since he's a privileged white boy from New England.”

Los Angeles Kings VS New York Rangers

(2 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Kings received 4 and the Rangers received 13.

Winner: New York Rangers

My opinion: I don’t have one besides fuck the Burger King jersey.

My favourite responses:

“BURGER KING JERSEY!”

“Prince William is a lizard.”

“William’s receding hairline recedes so far that the flash of the paparazzi cameras shining off his nearly bald head is so blinding that anyone on the ice near him is stunned (attack points: 10)”

“HOW DID THIS MANAGE TO STILL BE RACISTS VS. RACISTS?!”

Ottawa Senators VS Carolina Hurricanes

(2 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Senators received 6 and the Hurricanes received 11.

Winner: Carolina Hurricanes

My opinion: Oddly enough I don't have one.

My favourite responses:

“Alarms are scary but less scary than white men in suits yelling at you. Talk about no thanks.”

“Personalized hurricanes just about sum up the last year.”

Buffalo Sabres VS Montreal Canadiens

(2 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Sabres received 6 and the Canadiens received 11.

Winner: Montreal Canadiens

My opinion: The Sabres can't catch a break even in fantasy land huh? I also don’t know what the French says, I gave up on learning it lmao

My favourite responses:

“I just really fucking love hummus.”

“Baise les épées. ils ne sont pas à la hauteur de ces baiseurs Français.” 

“It's doubtful the Sabres will ever win another game again.”

Calgary Flames VS San Jose Sharks

(3 - 2)

Out of 17 votes the Flames received 11 and the Sharks received 6.

Winner: Calgary Flames

My opinion:

My favourite responses:

“The Flames will take inspiration from Sidney Crocsby.”

“Matthew Tkachuk somehow falls in the water and Coach Sutter rescues him by executing a perfect pike dive and punching the approaching hammerhead in the nose.”

“They’ve been working with Sharkboy from Sharkboy and Lavagirl.”

“Like Gary Bettman always says, ‘The flamethrowers have always been our enemy.’”

“They corral some of the local cows and try to ride them in the water. One of the refs quits during the second period and a mic catches him saying he isn't paid enough for this.” ... “Eventually the sharks (animals) start eating the cows and everyone calls it a day.”

Colorado Avalanche VS Vancouver Canucks

(4 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Avalanche received 11 and the Canucks received 6.

Winner: Colorado Avalanche

My opinion: I swear I’m not making up these numbers, you guys have been divided the exact same amount!!! I’m losing it at the Colorado Assalanche omfg

My favourite responses:

“They’d all be too busy monologuing about MacKinnon’s ass to actually play.”

“Jake Virtanen looks with interest onto the twerking action.”

“The shake of the ass vibrates the ice hard enough that the puck slides into the opposing net and the Colorado Assalanche booty becomes the most powerful.”

“Following the game, several Canucks join a local theater group in the off season, with at least one abandoning pro hockey altogether in lieu of following his new dream of winning a Tony.”

Arizona Coyotes VS Philadelphia Flyers

(2 - 5)

Out of 17 votes the Coyotes received 3 and the Flyers received 14.

Winner: Philadelphia Flyers

My opinion: To the person who apologised to me after dissing the Flyers for their ‘embarrassing loss to the Rangers’, don't apologise. I have become void of emotion towards my team. 

My favourite responses:

“This literally just turned into an ep of Looney Tunes somehow but we always gotta take Gritty over Wile E Coyote.”

“G R I T T Y and they would all look SO GOOD in cheerleader costumes.”

"Gritty can do what he wants, everyone knows that.”

Nashville Predators VS Florida Panthers

(2 - 3)

Out of 17 votes the Predators received 6 and the Panthers received 11.

Winner: Florida Panthers

My opinion: I wanted the Preds to win but your opinions are valid. Doesn't mean i’m not upset tho :(

My favourite responses: 

“Juuse Saros made 41 saves against the Panthers tonight and he WOULD FUCKING DO IT AGAIN”

“Florida men don’t fear pregnant women.”

“Fear the Floridian man.”

“One of the Preds goes into labor during intermission which sets off two others throughout the second period like in a bad medical drama.”

The updated bracket:

Tagging: 

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bricksatlandyswindow @churchofrileytanev @moritzseider @itsjuliak5 @blvejackets @calgarycanuck @marc-andrefleury @kempe @bowenbyram @andrei-svech @itschellybear @lorrmorr @tkachuk-yeah @berrybreadd @museinmind @pizzarandomness @rosieberg18 @youngbeezersmixtape @klutchnetsov @crosbeezinthetrap @chaos-hockey @connormcdavo @holymysticjellyfish @timmy-schallers @stockyardsyndrome @hockey-more-like @hockey-is-my-love-language @all-eyezzz-on-me @iwantahockeyhimbo @theonlytorontomapleleaf @sweetlittlegingy @toplinetommy @grenawitka

[clandestine-j]

Gossip Girl, EP. 4 Reaction & Review

Finally, I've gathered all of my thoughts for ep. 4! I had this really cool extra post to the intro and had more thoughts but then I lost the entire thing so I had to re-write the entire post SO, yeah, this is all I have for this part. Also, if anyone has those bts photos please let me know, i’m looking for the ones that have the audience reacting to max’s dick pick from the fashion show, aki biting his lip. please send. 

ADULTS:

Kate & CO: JAIL JAIL JAIL. We had that one teacher being turned on by incest and ruining kids lives. DO BETTER IN JAIL. I'll say tho, the male teacher makes a better gossip girl, he doesn't feel bad and is enjoying it. Kate could never.

Rafa: JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. I hate that they showed us this man having common sense. This man, pushing Max away sexually but understanding that he needs serious help. I hate that they just didn't have them flirting and show us him saying no, I'm so upset. I'm even more upset that I fell for him being the character to subvert the trope. I can only blame myself but blame HBO as well. I also hate the comments saying it's okay or well, the show needs scandal and spice. They could've been photographed together in normal clothes, just standing next to each other. Max could lie to GG. There are a bunch of ways these could become an IC scandal without having them cross the line. If you support this, you need help.

OUR KIDS:

Max: My boy needs therapy, lots of it. Maybe rehab. On one hand, he's being taken advantage of because he's clearly going through something and more than just his dads and he has been for a while. His escapism is dangerous and anyone would be able to prey on that. On the other hand, I need someone to beat his ass. His lines to Rafa about money and career were punch worthy and out-right willing to lie about Rafa doing something to him, even just to press Rafa's buttons. He needs help, he needs to be taught boundaries, he needs a lot. And why were the only two people concerned for his week-long disappearance Aki and Audrey, the whole squad should've had the guns out, friends since childhood, sure.

Obie: My boy, I get that you didn't like where you saw Zoya headed. I get that in some aspects you were right about her being a little too involved and suspecting Julien. That being said, she was having real problems and troubles and needed support. Do better. Obie still isn't the worst character on the show and many of them are SOOOO much worse. He doesn't deserve the all of the smoke he's been getting when their are better people for it.

Monet & Luna: I hate them as people and love them as characters that move the plot. I guess I could see how they thought the fuck school thing was horrible (and Julien too since she planned on showing Obie). The directors cut, I don't think they thought it'd ruin Zoya, they're just fucking cruel and found it funny. Let's box. Also, why are ya'll so pressed over this CHILD. Like get over it, find a real up-coming social media star. 

Aki & Audrey: My good sis, you brought a gay man to make Aki jealous. I'm sick, it was fucking funny. Her comments at first were off the wall, I wish the writers would've done something else but a lot of woman don't see it as normal so I sort of get it. I'm glad she came around by the end. And Aki...he was a little spicy this episode, my boy was ready to pop off a bit AND I AM HERE FOR IT. My dude said, 'I don't regret kissing him' I was THROWN. Aki being with Audrey helps me like her more because she's a bitch that's still ready to gun for a now 15 year old girl but her and Aki's relationship is cute. They could break up and be fine which is great, I love that their relationship is really more than just dating and the friendship is strong. I'm here for it.

Zoya: It's just bad writing but my head canon is trauma. Trauma from her moms death death, trauma from the past and current bullying that caused her lash out. I felt like this was her breaking point (so far) and anything gossip girl related as always came around to Julien. If she trusted Julien more, she wouldn't have thought of her as the person causing her issue's but she doesn't trust her. They were civil but even at the end of ep 2. Her 'hell yeah' to Julien about bonding was too dry, too dry. I think a big part of her just doesn't trust Julien and she'll always think the worse because she's seen mostly the worse. And that video, horrible, I'd hate everything about my birthday too after that and even before. Her emotions during the scene and the talk with Julien, ouch. And while I'm happy that Zoya found herself in the end, YES GIRL POP OFF. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. THIS IS THE FLAVOR. I WAS WAITING FOR THIS AND I WANT MORE. I DEMAND MORE. I SEE A SPARK OF A BITCH, LET HER OUT GO, GO ALISON DELAOTRUINES ON THESE BITCHES.

Julien: Once again, I love Julien as a character, I know she's supposed to be struggling and for that, It's fun to watch her BUT. Julien could never be on my team, she's too wishy-washy. That is my issue, she's too, just...flip-floppy with no substance. Like, when she does things wrong, they're expected  to be forgiven / are forgiven without true reflection or anything on her part. She fucks up, she see's its wrong and then she says sorry and goes on it does it again. This episode was just the worst example, like, the moment she heard buffalo, she was ready to send in a tip. Instead of just doing the party normally and being best because she's hear, she sends the video to Monet. She believes Luna and Monet (Monet talking about her throne being taken when Zoya isn't even an influencer) and she eats it up. They were the ones who did the dick pick thing, like girl, THINK. And why does she never get the full plan, why would she not watch the video or why is she so shocked that Luna and Monet would play something like that? She knows them. Friends since childhood? Sure. Using your moms name to make the party about charity? SIS, THE FEUD IS NOT WORTH IT. She says she wants to be sisters but then she switches up so fast and the witches up again, it's whip-last and I'm sick. I hate that she's doing this to her and I hate even more that's is the writers fault. I don't mind a character having personal conflict but make it a conflict. Like after four episodes, why is she still friends with her sisters bullies? At the end of the episode, she says she's gonna tell them to lay down their weapons, NO, shut it down. correct them. make it clear and make it known. I love my girl because she's flawed but I wish they'd linger on things and have her really think about it. I was fine with the i'm sorry speech up until the camera part.

Other random thoughts

fuck the rafa max thing again, i'm not over, i will never be over it

evan mock isn't the best but he does give me face at times, his 'wtf stare', little sly looks, the 'wtf' moment when audrey first asked him if he was gay like 'this bitch' also, give him more annoyed, irritated scenes, he gives in those

have julien go full nice or full evil for a while, pick a side and stick with it for more than one episode

i wish zoya was a bitch at her old school but i'm fine with this too, it explains why she was so reactionary when it came to the bullying at constance, not again!

i wish we could've seen julien talk with davis after that stunt

nick and davis, KISS, the ride scene was 100%

don't talk about obie so soon

i like that she chose to be with julien for the night, it was cute

emily makes these faces that i can't get with

eli brown is a good actor, that shot of him during the traumatic reveal

i will say, zobie might be boring but when they talk, they talk, their communication is p good, i don't hate it

i’d be here for obie x aki bc they’re friends, they got chemistry, aki was giving look lil up and downs this episode, aki was giving a lot of looks this ep, honestly, idk i just don’t want him heart broken 

aki menzies is still my comfort character

i couldn't take rafa serious with his ass out,

whitney's acting in that talk scene, perfect, my girl had me in tears because DAMN

jordan is pretty good but in that scene, go girl, give me nothing

fuck max and rafa

max lied about his dads or at least one, AT LEAST one, i don't think they'd do that, he saw his in and took it

aki and aud, just have that open relationship, ya'll will make it, the way he tucked into her, it was so sweet

davi and nick secret relationship plot

jail for all of the teachers, once again

the hallway scene was great, the cinematography is been clutch overall

music wasn't as jarring

that's about it! i have more thoughts on the show overall that might be another post, they have a lot of amazing ideas but they need to stick with one and flush it out is the overall gist, i'm still into it!

can't wait for five bc i love the angst that's about to hit.

[roughentumble]

I would like to hear.. your silence of the lambs series opinions......

series as in, the new clarice tv show that's out? haven't watched it yet. series as in, those old movies that feature anthony hopkins as hannibal lecter? surely!

fair warning, i probably dont have anything new to say that hasnt been said before, considering these are all long since classics, and my thoughts might be a little disjointed.

it's difficult to sum up opinions about it on the whole, since the movie quality honestly varies so wildly, and as i recall basically every single movie had a different director lol. also like, there's definitely a reason silence of the lambs stood out as The hannibal movie that got talked about and went into The Annals Of Film History n' all that. there's something about jodie foster's performance that's particularly electric(though that could be nostalgia talking, i suppose)

the opportunities she had, as an actress, to really show emotion on her face, like the claustrophobic close-ups we got were really intimate and interesting, added to the sense we were getting into her head. that HANNIBAL was getting into her head. i've already used the word intimate, but really, the long drawn out conversations/monologues between her and hannibal are just that-- intimate. you have to have stellar performances to pull off that much dialogue, and shots that intensely focused, where a face takes up so much of the screen. but it works! because hopkins and foster are fantastic actors, and jonathen demme is a good director.

there's a reason a lot of people didn't like the switch to julianne moore, and i would say it isnt entirely moore's fault. ridley scott, for one, is simply a different director with different ideas of shot composition, which changes how the character feels pretty drastically when the style so heavily informed your feelings for her. but also, in general, the film just kind of approaches clarice from a different angle, which is pretty bumpy territory to go into on the tail of switching your lead actress. not only is moore just really different from foster, but we've gone from this kind of invasive intimacy with hannibal probing her in confined spaces, to her being on the chase. in particular what sticks out to me is a chase sequence where she's trying to find hannibal in a crowded mall.(i think it was a mall?? its been a minute since i last watched the film haha) despite how the crowd might lead to a sense of claustrophobia, these are wide open shots with lots of spinning and movement, no time for introspective face journies. it's a chase in a totally different sense than before, and that i think is major difference in tone. which isn't to say it's a bad choice, or a loss, or that it's worse, just that it's fundamentally very different material that moore was given fo work with. of course her performance differed from fosters!

i still think jodie foster did it better, but some folks were too hard on julianne moore. if anything, hold beef with the writers and new director for pivoting tonally(although, dont do that either, i think it was an interesting shift. the scene with her and hannibal, where hannibal fries up that dude's brain was SO GOOD, i loved loved loved the return to a twisted sense of intimacy for that scene, and a few others, and that sense of return wouldn't have hit the same were the whole movie to follow the same tone as demme's work.)

also quick sidebar, when i watched hannibal(the movie from 2001) i was BLOWN AWAY by realizing, in retrospect, just how absolutely perfectly micheal pitt nailed the role of mason verger in hannibal(the tv show). vocally, he sounded almost identicle to the og performance, WHAT!!! major props, i love micheal pitt. so cool

manhunter 1987 or whatever year it came out is garbage and we dont talk about it. it was physically painful to watch. my poor mother made us stop watching hannibal movies for the rest of the day because it literally put her in physical pain. it's so 80s i want to vomit. do not recommend.

red dragon was pretty good, and if you entered the series of films armed only with knowledge of hannibal nbc, gave some really fascinating context to some of the events therein. edward norton's performance was fine-- didn't blow my mind, but i do love to watch him on screen. anthony hopkins' portrayal of a free hannibal, on the run, who still can't help but taunt the police and stick his nose into investigations was shockingly compelling, despite how much of a cliche trope that's become in recent years. can't say i recall anything interesting to say about the directing, but it certainly doesnt hold the same intimacy of the previous films-- but then again, we've lost the intimate character of clarice, swapping her out for graham(who simply isnt as close, or interesting, or compelling, when he isnt on nbc and shaking like a wet chihuahua)

hannibal rising, the last film in the series, was very very very bad. BUT, unlike manhunter 198whatever, it managed to be fun about it! lots of very goofy deaths and things to make you roll your eyes, stupid character motivations and odd acting choices. but it seems aware, on some level, that it's the last and the silliest of the entries into this particular film series, which earns it some good will. whether or not its worth a watch comes down to how much you're willing to consume everything with the name hannibal on it, and whether you can abide by a hannibal that isnt played by sir anthony hopkins.

OK. ok. we're getting to the end of my thoughts here, kids. i prommy.

it's also, despite every single part of it that i enjoy and that brings me joy, almost unforgivably racist and transphobic. the weird exotification and obsession with asia(and japan in particular), especially when none of those elements felt important or relevant to the story was consistently shocking, and consistently present in essentially every single hannibal movie, ESPECIALLY ones that dealt with his childhood. it didn't ever feel like a natural part of the story, where they happened include people from another culture or anything, it felt like the author's fetish. i never truly understood how these reoccuring themes and symbols were meant to tie in with the rest of the story, even after an entire film set in the past, showiing hannibal's childhood and how he came to live with a japanese woman. it was weird! it was uncomfortable! it was bad! even hannibal nbc couldnt make it not weird. i'd love a hannibal movie with a japanese person in it who WASNT treated really, really, really weird. but i dont think i will ever get that.

and like. wrt transphobia-- do i even need to say it? buffalo bill's been talked to death. we all know the issue there.

if a japanese person, or a trans woman, came to me and said "shawn, everyone says its a classic, but i cant bring myself to watch [insert hannibal movie here]" i would not blame them. it isnt the whole movie, but its enough to feel real bad, scoob.

its not enough to make me fall out of love with silence of the lambs, or hate hannibal(the film, god thats a confusing name), or even hate the film series, but its something that deserves tl be talked about. i've heard lots of discussion on the transphobia, but basically none on the racism, which is a real shame. sometimes it feels like no one else even noticed it, and it really leaves me floundering, because its like-- its RIGHT THERE and its so weird and bad. thomas harris, what the fuck

OKAY I THINK THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW?????? i could maybe come up with more, *shrugs*, but i'd need more time at least.

summary:: very problematic, and not because he eats people. but overall some of the films are fantastic, and silence of the lambs does hold a special place in my heart. and even if i didnt like it nearly as much, i'll defend hannibal(the film with julianne moore) till im blue in the face, because even if it didnt quite capture lightening in a bottle it still brought some interesting things to the table. decent enough movie series with enough variation in film tone and quality to make watching them all in a row enjoyable, because it keeps things from getting stale. (could probably have done with SOME consistency tho, lol, they were really flying by the seat of their pants. they had hopkins and that was IT, only thing that carried over from production to production lol)

[inspired-by-the-music]

 For You: 4 O’Clock

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

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Chapter 10: The Light in the Darkness

Lei’s POV

The night before our Atlanta concert, while everybody was gathered in his room to watch the conclusion to his and Mark’s Mario Kart Tournament, Baekhyun decided that we weren’t having the “real Atlanta experience” unless we ate some of the local food together. 

“Come on Lei!” Baekhyun said before dragging me off his bed, where I sat, laughing with Lucas when Mark took the title of champion after Baekhyun’s attempts to cheat failed. “We haven’t bonded since the camping trip!”

From the way he smiled during our ride in the elevator and while holding open the door to his car (another perk of being the leader: having independent means of transportation) for me, I expected that Baekhyun had whisked me away from the group to taunt me about Momhae. 

The closest he came to teasing, though, was wiggling his eyebrows as he asked, “What’s the matter, Lei? Did I interrupt an important romantic conversation with Lucas?” Baekhyun looked so much like a little boy as he situated himself behind the steering wheel, I had to laugh at him. “Okay. So where are we going, Lei?”

Glancing at the time blinking on the radio display, Baekhyun sighed. “Well, shit, what’s even open at this hour?”

It was only 9 o’clock. Maybe it was a starless night, or maybe the city lights drowned out the stars. Still, I tried to look for anything in the sky— Baekhyun even reached up to slide some part of the ceiling to reveal an overhead window— as I answered, “A lot is open, Baek. Atlanta’s a busy city, ya know?”

I found the moon— full and distant— and Baekhyun asked, “Well, what do you want to eat?”

“What do you think the others would like?” Feeling like Baekhyun was looking at me, and therefore probably making some goofy face, I glanced over at him and was surprised to find that he was focused intently on the road ahead. 

He shrugged. “Who cares what they want?” Then, as if he hadn’t dragged me along on his nighttime adventure without giving anyone else a chance to tag along, Baekhyun said, “If they wanted to have a say-so, they should have come with us.”

Baekhyun flashed that goofy grin again, and I bit back my laughter to admit that my favorite restaurant was probably Buffalo Wild Wings. So that’s where we went, and that’s where Baekhyun discovered the “Blazin’ Wings Challenge” and decided that it would be absolutely hilarious to prank everyone with the hottest wings served. 

Maybe I should have done more to discourage his chaos. Maybe he wouldn’t have listened to me anyway. Maybe I was a little too surprised that he ordered chicken tenders and mozzarella sticks— my all-time favorite— for me (without having been prompted) to say anything. 

Anyway, Baekhyun concealed his laughter pretty well until everyone, initially excited that we returned with food, shrieked after taking bites into their wings. 

“What’s the matter?” Baekhyun chuckled from his place beside me on the carpeted floor. “I got the mildest ones on the menu! All of you are just sensitive!”

Taeyong was the only person who could take the heat. Wiping sauce from the corners of his mouth with a napkin, he asked, “Have you guys noticed that something is going on with Momager lately?” The tremor in his lips was probably less of a reaction to the food and more an expression of concern. 

When Taeyong’s eyes met mine, a faint pink blush painted along the bridge of his nose, and he stifled a giggle by pretending to choke on his mouthful. This— giggling when he looked at me— was the closest he ever came to acknowledging face to face that he knew about me and Taemin. 

Taeyong’s giggle prompted me to look at Taemin. Sitting beside Kai (always) he met my gaze, subtly panicked. Kai, whose lips were swollen and stained red from the hot sauce, also gawked at me with tear-filled eyes. I wondered why he didn’t stop eating considering his reaction; he must have been hungry. 

Lucas, surprisingly, was the most discreet in studying my reaction to Taeyong’s question. He only dropped a half-eaten wing into its box, licked his fingers clean, and glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes as he propped his head on his knees, which were drawn up to his chest. 

I didn’t have to look at Baekhyun to know that he was looking at me, holding his cheeks in his hands and watching the chaos unfold with mischievous sparkles in his eyes. I guess he was just as delighted with mayhem when he wasn’t its source. 

The five of us: Taemin, Kai, Lucas, Baekhyun, and I knew what (or, more accurately, who) was on Mom’s mind. It was just a matter of discovering who would spill the beans. I had a good idea of who it would be. 

Before Baekhyun quite had a chance to speak, Ten’s eyes widened curiously. “What do you mean?”

Taeyong shrugged. As if he hadn’t been worried enough to bring up Mom in the first place, he tried to lessen the situation’s urgency by calmly explaining, “I don’t know. She just frowns a lot these days, and she seems a little out of it. Do you think she’s feeling okay?”

Mark’s face was scarlet and sweating. His shifting eyes looked at me and reminded me that he witnessed Mom and Donghae’s phone call argument in the van. He didn’t know details, but Mark wasn’t nearly as oblivious as I would have liked him to be. 

At first, Mark didn’t say anything. He tried to bite down on his lips, but once it was clear that nobody was going to answer Taeyong, Mark reasoned, “Momager is probably just feeling tired. You know, we’re getting pretty close to Christmas break. We all need the time to recharge, right?”

While Taeyong and Ten agreed with identical nods, I beamed at Mark for thinking of such a rational explanation. Maybe he would always try to make up for his comment in that interview even though I didn’t think he needed to. 

Despite being grateful to Mark for allowing me to hold on to Mom’s secrets a little longer, I was starting to feel exhausted by the grip I clung to them with. Mom probably didn’t want SuperM to know all of her personal business— although she had a stunning lack of reaction when I told her that Baekhyun was trying to blackmail her— and I wasn’t dying to explain it to them or anything, but since the Great Come Apart in Grandma’s dining room, it seemed like the secrets that once towered over me, glowered down at me, threatened to define me were as tiny as a speck of dust. 

It was true. Mom was the idol who never debuted. But she was so much more. She was the one who could fix anyone’s problem. She was the one every idol knew and loved. 

More importantly, she was the person I admired most in all the world because, well, she had always been there. Mom was there before any spotlight. Mom’s eyes were trained on me before anyone else’s, and her eyes were never critical. My mom— she was beautiful— and everything I was was a reflection of her. 

I had been considering what it meant to be the fulfillment of her dreams, and it meant that I couldn’t be afraid. It meant I didn’t have to be. There was liberation in the fact that I could be confident in the truth that no matter what anybody in that hotel room, in the country, in the whole world even (!) said or thought or did, I now knew who I was. I knew who Mom was. I knew that no matter what— come what may— we would love each other forever. 

All along, I had the forever love I couldn’t admit to wanting, and that’s why I didn’t wince or roll my eyes or sigh or feel the slightest tremor in my chest when Baekhyun said, “Maybe Mom caught whatever bug kept her from Donghae’s party.” Baekhyun’s tongue darted between his lips to lick at the hot sauce gathered around his smile. 

I can’t explain why I didn’t feel any sort of rage toward Baekhyun even as Taemin, Kai, Lucas, and Mark cut their eyes at him. I don’t understand why I almost laughed at Baekhyun’s childish little smirk. “Yeah. Maybe she did.”

I don’t understand why Baekhyun was not at all surprised by my reaction. His smile only grew into something a little more genuine before I looked away, distracted by Ten’s gasp. 

Ever the gossip, Ten leaned forward and shrieked, jaw dropped, “She didn’t go to Donghae’s party?”

Seeming to sense my lack of anxiety, Lucas laughed and launched a particularly greasy fry at Ten who, of course, caught it in his mouth with a smirk. “You would’ve noticed if you weren’t too busy drinking and dancing like an idiot with Hendery!”

“Wait.” Taeyong’s eyebrows knit together. “Is Momager sick? Donghae’s party was just before we left. What if she didn’t have time to recover? All this touring can’t be good for her health, and—”

Baekhyun caught my eyes briefly before blurting, “Obviously, Taeyong, Mom was faking.” He patted Taeyong’s shoulder. “No need to waste your empathy on a fake illness!”

Mark shook his head. “Nah, man. There’s no way. Mom loves Super Junior. She wouldn’t skip the party unless she really had to.” Raising his eyebrows at me, Mark wordlessly asked, “Right, Lei?”

At that, everybody turned to face me. 

And I didn’t know what to say. 

Taemin spoke up softly, lips still pretty despite being painfully swollen from Baekhyun’s silly hot wing prank. “I think we should mind our own business.”

Although Kai seconded, “Yeah,” with the slight nod of his head, Baekhyun argued, “You can’t blame the others—” he pointed at Ten, Taeyong, and Mark— “for wanting to know about Momhae’s 15 years of unrequited love!”

If looks could kill, Taemin would have murdered Baekhyun with a glance. I wonder what Taemin might have said had Lucas not made me laugh by jumping to his feet to debate, “Dude, that love is totally requited!”

I knew my reaction to this situation was wrong because Baekhyun and I were the only people laughing. I thought he sat next to me to set my world ablaze, but when he doubled over in laughter and laid his head of floppy blonde hair in my lap atop my polka-dotted pajama bottoms, I almost wanted to imagine that Baekhyun was there to encourage my laughter. That wasn’t the first time we laughed together in the wrong place at the wrong time, but as I cradled my face in my hands, I thought maybe it had been too long since the last time. 

Kicking at us, Kai growled, “What the hell is wrong with you two? Get off of Lei, Baekhyun. Idiot.”

Baekhyun sat upright, likely spurred when I started bouncing my leg. “Sorry,” he said insincerely, “that was just hilarious!” Moments passed in relative silence before Baekhyun hummed, “What were we talking about?”

Taeyong’s face was contorted in bewilderment. “What the hell is a Momhae?”

Still standing over everyone, Lucas crossed his arms. As if it were obvious— and maybe it was— Lucas answered, “Mom and Donghae.”

“That’s a good ship name,” Mark assessed. 

And Baekyun smiled. “Thanks! I came up with that!”

Ten cocked his head to the side. “Wait. Why did Baekhyun know about Momhae before I did?”

“Yeah.” I turned to face Baekhyun, and he almost distracted me with a funny face. “How did you find out about Mom and Donghae? Sehun didn’t tell you. He promised not to tell you if Donghae told him anything.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows and asked through pouting lips, “Are you sure Sehun’s really loyal to you?”

Without hesitating, I firmly nodded my head. At that point, for some reason, there was no doubt in my mind that Sehun hadn’t aided in Baekhyun’s quest for information. Maybe I wanted so badly to believe that Sehun was my ally— that we were somehow friends— that there was no room to question his motives. 

“How romantic!” Baekhyun squealed and pinched my cheeks. When I kept staring at him, demanding an explanation for his knowledge, Baekhyun’s grin faltered. He, who I never knew to speak in anything other than a bright shout, mumbled, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

The others had descended into chatter among themselves, so I challenged Baekhyun, troubled by the absence of mischief in his eyes. “Try me. You’ve been chaotic enough lately that I think you owe me an explanation or two.” 

Baekhyun stared at me blankly. Once I smiled, he laughed. “I—”

His voice fell off as we felt Taemin’s eyes on us. Taemin’s stare wasn’t jealous— why would it be?—  or in any way disapproving, but Baekhyun seemed to find something in it that I couldn’t. Shaking his head, Baekhyun huffed, “Maybe some other time, Lei.”

My simultaneous intrigue and disappointment at the ambiguity of Baekhyun’s answer— my frustration that he was always impossible to understand— was all short-lived. Across the room, Taemin’s eyes crinkled fondly as Kai muttered something to him, and suddenly I was too breathless to notice anything or anybody else. 

I was too breathless to notice that Ten was talking to me until he crouched in front of me and flicked the center of my forehead. “Hey! I was talking to you! Stop gawking at your boyfriend and answer me!”

Taemin and I drew gasps that were suspicious enough before Lucas yelled, “Taemin and Lei aren’t dating!”

Ten might have been joking around about having caught me staring at Taemin, but Lucas’s outburst couldn’t have made our relationship more obvious. As Ten smirked at having accidentally stumbled upon a truth, Baekhyun barked, “Just repeat your dumb question, Ten! Nobody wants to hear about Taemin and Lei’s love life!”

It wasn’t like Baekhyun to pass on an opportunity to make me squirm, but I was too grateful that he used his authority as the leader to silence Ten to meet his eyes. I was so relieved that I could only fix my sight on Ten in anticipation of his question when Mark mumbled, “I don’t know. I kinda wanna know what’s going with Lei and Taemin.”

After Taeyong hushed Mark by placing a hand on his shoulder, and Ten swallowed his desire to tease me after shooting a glance at Baekhyun, Ten asked, “So what’s our plan to make Momhae a reality?”

I wheezed. “What?”

There was no plan. I didn’t believe in meddling in others’ personal affairs. Mom had her reasons for rejecting Donghae’s confessions all those years, and it was not my place to force her to reconsider. 

If you really want to know my opinion, I didn’t approve of Donghae’s recent behavior. I think maybe some people liked to be chased, but I have always thought that it takes love to accept “no” as an answer. I have always thought there was a certain beauty in saying “not yet.” There was something special about believing that destiny doesn’t have to be forced. 

Everything in me balked at the idea of forcing the hand of fate. 

Besides, Mom was capable of pursuing Donghae when she was ready. Evidently, he was just a phone call away. Maybe he was getting desperate in those days, but I imagined that if he were capable of moving on, he would have already. 

I didn’t know if Mom and Donghae would end up together. I just wanted to believe that if they were meant to be, they would. I wanted to believe that I wouldn’t lose any sleep if they were strained for the rest of our lives. Above all, I knew that I didn’t want to help SuperM make real emotions into a joke. 

Maybe they weren’t trying to make it a joke, though.

Looking like he stood on the brink of tears, Mark confessed, “I don’t think I can live comfortably knowing that Donghae has been pining after Momager for 15 years. That’s a long time to walk around with a broken heart.”

All at once, it hit me that 15 years was most of my life. In my loyalty to Mom, had I forgotten those sad dimples that formed in Donghae’s chin when he realized that she hadn’t come to his birthday party? Had I forgotten how his voice wavered when he vowed to fix whatever kept them apart? 

Mark’s empathy for Donghae reminded me of mine. 

“Well I’m concerned about Mom!” Lucas’s eyes were rounded. He also looked like he was about to cry. Maybe it wasn’t just a topic of gossip for him. “Just look at Donghae! There’s no way she hasn’t fallen for him. And even if I’m wrong— even if she doesn’t love him the way he loves her— do you really think she doesn’t feel the burden of breaking his heart?”

I told you: I never stopped being surprised at how perceptive Lucas was. 

I opened my mouth to tell him that Mom was okay. And even if she wasn’t right now, she would be. He didn’t have to hug his knees like that. He didn’t have to frown like that. He didn’t have to squeeze my heart with his sadness like that. It would be okay. 

Taeyong, the sole voice of reason, dictated, “Of course, it’s all very sad, but we are not getting involved in Momager’s personal business.” 

Ten, Mark, and Lucas groaned in discontent, so Taeyong looked to Baekhyun for support. 

But before Baekhyun could assert his opinion on the matter, Mom burst through the door. “Baekhyun, where is—” Mom must have found or forgotten what she was looking for. Her question changed. “What are all of you doing in here? It’s past curfew.”

Mom didn’t pause long enough for anyone to answer. She waved a hand dismissively. “Nevermind. All of you, go back to your— Oh my God! Kai, are you okay?”

Following her concerned gaze, I saw that Kai’s face had swollen red, especially around the lips. Is that why he had gone so silent? I worried that he was having an allergic reaction until he replied in a normal voice, “Yeah. I’m okay.”

Probably concerned that Kai’s face wouldn’t return to normal before tomorrow’s concert, Mom sighed raggedly. “Okay. Good.” 

Nobody stood to return their rooms, so she put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at our defiance. “Seriously, guys, go to bed! Why are none of you even meeting my eyes?”

I had been searching Mom’s face for confirmation that she was okay. A glance around the room revealed that everybody was staring guiltily at their empty to-go boxes. They were reacting as I had when I first learned pieces of Mom’s identity; they were trying to reconcile Mom the manager with Mom the human, who felt love and heartache. 

When they looked up from their puzzle pieces to look to Baekhyun to answer as their leader, they probably didn’t expect him to ask without any trace of a grin, “Ma’am, are you ever going to accept Donghae’s confession?”

If Mom was surprised by Baekhyun’s question, I couldn’t tell from her mere blinking. She wasn’t the same person who stood motionless in the dance studio just months ago when Baekhyun alleged that she was the idol who never debuted. I wondered if she was proud to seem more human to us. I wondered if she found more pieces of herself; I wondered if she loved them as much as I did. 

Mom must have been moved by our genuine concern. “Thank you for asking, Baekhyun, but it’s really none of your business.”

Baekhyun’s lips tucked into a thin frown as he nodded his head. 

“Now go to bed,” Mom instructed softly. “We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.” 

And so the others, as they rose to unsteady feet, understood that there was nothing they could say or do rush the hands of fate. Silently, we understood that we could only hope that things would work out in the way we imagined was best. 

I don’t know why that truth, which had existed since the dawn of time, took our breath away. I think the truth must be different once you know it. I think none of us felt quite as helpless as we did when we parted ways to return to our rooms. 

Laying my head against Taemin’s chest, I said, “Everything will be okay.” My voice wasn’t quite mine, though, because I was just repeating what Mom told me in Grandma’s dining room. I told myself that wanting to believe is as good as believing, but they were never the same thing. 

Taemin repeated, “Everything will be okay.” His voice was the light in the darkness. I thought that if I just stayed close to Taemin, I could learn to burn that bright.