#he really suffers a lot
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature
#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss#sqq#lbh#my art#which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading#and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4#i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this#i was promised a story with my snake boy#because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS#anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them#i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh#i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels#but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen#though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again#if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story#but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P
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george rexstrew deserves awards for many things but i have to say. edwin’s bloodcurdling scream as niko gets killed deserves a whole award unto itself. like. that scream did not feel at all like a tv show scream. to a somewhat jarring degree. and i can’t express how much I respect that
#he has a number of very convincing screams and suffering noises which I imagine was an important prerequisite for the role#but this one is just especially chilling and again. jarring. not saying that the other actors are bad or anything but no one even comes#close to competing with george and its stark in moments like this#another screaming moment that I thought he did really well in particular is far easier to gloss over and that’s#when he and charles are escaping hell and he almost gets dragged down into lust#when he’s screaming out for charles he borderline SCREECHES#throughout that arc in general it’s just incredible but yeah#I think part of what makes it so convincing is that he isn’t afraid to be high pitched and genuinely Scream rather than yell#like. he is clearly immune to being put off by ‘you scream like a girl’ rhetoric#I think a lot of male actors avoid screaming and screeching like that for that internalized reason when. if you wanna be as realistic as#possible. a scream is high pitched. if you’re scared for your fucking life it’s just involuntary#I can also see it being uncommon due to difficulties getting that sound adequately recorded but yeah anyway you get my point#tldr: george rexstrew is great at disturbingly realistic screaming and I applaud him for that#I really hope he didn’t have to retake that part too many times..#his poor throat……….#george rexstrew#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives spoilers
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Wait what’s the tea on Valentino’s sleep patterns 👀👀 (fellow insomniac / recent motogp fan always looking for more representation)
oh yeah, if you're looking for representation for poor sleeping habits you've very much come to the right place. his sleep patterns are pretty remarkable you have to say. way too nocturnal for a professional athlete, reliant on naps to get through the race weekend, all power to him for somehow making that work and winning all those titles. pretty sure I've read somewhere that he's still known for doing sim races at ungodly hours these days, just how he lives his life
tbh I can't remember off the top of my head where I'd actually read about his sleeping patterns, but I've cobbled together a decent selection of quotes from the usual sources. the most interesting stuff he's said on the topic is in his autobiography - where he goes into rather a lot of detail about his preference for the night. given that it's quite a lengthy passage, I've chucked it under the cut. he frames his nocturnal inclination as not only suiting his natural body clock better, but also as a way of escaping the rest of the world - of being able to move around in peace and silence and anonymity. plus, he liked to spend his nights in the garage to... *pinches bridge of nose* have some special personal time with his bike, when it was just the two of them. take that as you will
before that, let's just start with a few more general descriptions of his sleeping patterns. from early in his career, jerez 1998 (from oxley's vr files):
The camper only holds two people, but that's okay. I don't like my dad to sleep with me, because when it gets to ten o'clock he starts saying: "Vale, Vale, got to bed!", but I can't go to sleep before one or two. We did share a motorhome in '96 and it made life very, very difficult for me.
and about brno 1999 (from oxley's vr files):
On weekends when I'm not racing, I never go to bed before six or seven on Sunday morning. If it's a party, maybe even later, but going to bed at six in the morning is quite normal for me! Even when I was 14 I used to go to bed at 4am. Quite often I'd be riding around the local minimoto tracks until after midnight! If I go to sleep at 11 or 12 I just lie there, my eyes wide open. Maybe I would be good for 24-hour racing!
and then a few years into his premier class career, valentino says the following (x):
'I have a lot of energy after 2am,' Rossi agreed. 'I like to sleep in the morning. I have some problems at the start of the day.'
we've also got a description of crew chief jb's influence in terms of making sure valentino wasn't slacking off by sleeping in (from oxley's vr files):
Burgess' talents aren't restricted to getting the best out of a 500. The Aussie has been in GPs for decades and knows how to extract the best from riders as well. He expects 100 per cent commitment both on the track and in the pits, and when he doesn't get that, he gives 'em hell. Some other crew chiefs won't do that - they're too overawed by their riders' superstardom. JB laid down the law last summer when late-sleeper Rossi turned up late for practice. Rossi suggested that in future one of the crew should be despatched to his motorhome each morning to make sure he was out of bed. No way, said Burgess, I'll be there to give you your wake-up call. Rossi's not overslept since.
and from 2001, in valentino's own words:
Q: Tell us about your sleeping habits, JB has had to wake you a few times for practice... VR: I never go to bed before 1 o'clock, and there's no limit on when I go to bed, but even when I go to sleep very late I always wake up at 8.30, though when I do wake up I always have a big confusion for the first five minutes, then after that I remember: "Oh fuck, I'm at world grand prix!" So I have a shower and then I'm okay. I never get up too close to riding time because the 500 is a dangerous bike so it's necessary to be awake when you climb aboard. Back in the afternoon after practice at four or five o'clock I'll sleep for another hour.
only semi-related but valentino's also talked about... you know, this generational shift - where the sport has become more professionalised, which is reflected in certain lifestyle changes (from barker's rossi biography):
"The next generation is always stronger. They are more professional, they put more effort in, they make a perfect life, they eat in a good way, they don't drink, they go to sleep early, they train every day from the morning to the night... I come from an era where the riders drank beer and smoked cigarettes!"
also plenty of talk of jet lag obviously... doesn't struggle with it too much headed westwards because he says he basically lives on american time anyway. the other direction is tougher, but in his youth he decided that he might as well try to continue living on italian time. so he essentially went racing at 5 in the morning (about phillip island 1998, from oxley's vr files):
I don't have a problem with jet lag, I always sleep. Last year in Indonesia I stayed on Italian time for the whole grand prix - so I was racing at five in the morning! But the difference is too great to do that in Australia.
how on earth are you racing motorcycles like that. mind you, he won that 1997 indonesia race
so yeah. king of disordered sleeping. given the nature of motogp schedules and how they do kind of require you to actually get up in the mornings, congrats to him for being remotely functional during race weekends. crazy how he even won the odd race
and here's the autobiography passage:
My day, usually, begins in the afternoon. It’s as if I exist inside my own personal time zone. I live at night, because I love the night. Now, this might make you think I do goodness-knows-what in the wee hours, or that I don’t live the life of a professional athlete. It’s true, I don’t live the life of an athlete in the traditional sense — early to bed, early to rise and all that — but this does not mean that I’m not careful about what I eat and drink or that I don’t train. In fact, I train a lot, both in the gym and on the bike. It’s just that I go to the gym in the afternoon, rather than the morning. Equally, when I’m training on the bike, down at the quarry, I always go in the afternoon, never at nine o'clock in the morning. My body has a certain type of metabolism. It is used to living according to a different body clock. That’s why, even if I’m travelling all over the world, I don’t experience jet lag and I rarely go to bed before 3 a.m. It’s much more likely that I’m just tucking into bed as people are leaving for work. As I say, I have a special relationship with the night. I like moving in it, living in it, thinking in it, relaxing in it. The night fascinates me, because it’s the period of least confusion. The world calms down, it goes quiet. And, besides, I’m Valentino Rossi. I’m wanted... I'm a fugitive. Yes, I’m always running away from my _ beloved countrymen. The Italians. I’m proud to be Italian, I'm proud of our merits and I regret our shortcomings. Italians are exceptional people. In every way. Even when they start loving you. Because that’s actually when problems can arise — if it’s you that the Italian falls in love with. Italian people are warm, empathetic, spontaneous. But they can also be excessive, oppressive and disrespectful. I don’t know who said that Italians will forgive everything except for success. Whoever it was, they were right. Because it’s absolutely true. After the 1997 season, I could tell I was becoming popular. Year after year, that popularity turned into fully fledged love. They’re in love with me now and, as a result, since the 2004 season, I’ve been a man on the run. And there’s no escape, no end in sight, because wherever I go they find me. There are simple things, the little pleasures in life, which I simply can’t engage in when I’m back in Italy. I can’t go to the bar and have a cappuccino, because I would not be able to drink it. To be fair, I can do it in Tavullia, but that's the only place. If I go more than a few kilometres in any direction from the centre of town, that's it, everything changes and I become, once again, a hunted man. I can’t walk into a store, look at something and decide what I want to buy. In fact, I can’t stop anywhere, not even at a petrol station. If I stop, I’m screwed. Somebody will recognise me (Italians are exceptionally good at recognising people), make a lot of noise, call other people and then, before I know it, I’ve been swallowed up by the crowd. If I schedule a meeting with someone, we have to meet in a secret, out-of-the-way location and, even then, we can't linger. I can't go to a restaurant if there are too many people inside. And if I do go, I can't go at a normal time, say eight o'clock. I have to go later, much later, when people are leaving. And I can't sit where I like, I have to hide away in a corner, in the shadows. As for places like cinemas or the beach, forget about it. They are just always off-limits.
Having said that, I do mix with people. I do it because I like doing it. It’s just that I wish I could do it as a normal person, because, deep down, I am a normal human being. This is part of the reason why I have to live at night. It would be that much tougher during the day, with all those people about. Plus, I don’t like the traffic, the chaos, the noise, all those people running all over the place, stressed out and out of breath. The night is different. Everything is softer, there are fewer people around and you are much more free. It’s like a parallel dimension. The world is different at night. Everything is different. That’s why I’ve assimilated the lyrics of a song by the Italian artist Jovanotti, “Gente. della notte” (“People of the night”). It has become my personal anthem. Jovanotti is one of my favourite singers and I find myself agreeing with him on most things. I love his work. What else can I say? The night is my reality. And I don’t change just because Grands Prix are scheduled during the day. My way of being and living is reflected in what I do during races. I don’t really change. Obviously, I don’t go to bed at dawn, but let’s just say that when I do, finally, go to bed, there aren’t many people around. Everything is better at night in the paddock. There is silence, the people _ have disappeared and, with them, the chaos. I can wander around freely, most of all I can enjoy the empty pit area and my bike. Yes, my bike. Because at night I often slip into the team garage. At some races I do it every single night, because I love being with my bike. My night-time activities can be traced back to the years racing in 125cc, and are directly tied to my passion for aesthetics and the stickers, which would later become my obsession. I don’t leave anything to chance'when it comes to choosing the colour or the stickers for my bike. That’s why I’ve always been central to any and all discussions when we were deciding the aesthetics of my racing bikes. I’ve done it always, with every bike, at every level, with every team. And, naturally, I still do it today. Nobody has ever been allowed to attach a single sticker to my bike, unless it was the logo of a technical sponsor. Until a few years ago I was totally inflexible about this. Now, Roby takes care of the number: he attaches it because then he needs to cover it in transparent paint. But apart - from -this, which is primarily a technical procedure anyway, I take care of everything else to do with the stickers. And this takes time and planning, which is why I started going to the garage at night. During the day it is packed with people. There are mechanics, technicians and others around. I would just get in the way, if I wanted to get near the bike just to check the stickers. As I got older and progressed from 125 to 250 and then to 500 and on to MotoGP, I maintained that passion for aesthetics and stickers, as well as the habit of dropping in on the team garage at night. I enjoy the bike during the day _ obviously, but my relationship with the bike is so special that I can spend hours with it, just looking and admiring it, making sure that everything is in order. Those are very personal moments which I find difficult to describe. The Japanese guys, both the executives but also the engineers never knew this, not the guys at Honda, not the ones at Yamaha. I don’t think they would really understand. They would probably view it as a waste of time, since I don’t actually do anything concrete. I never touch anything to do with the bike itself, beyond, obviously, the stickers. And yet I find it hard to explain to an engineer that I enjoy simply being near the bike, even when I’m not doing anything. It’s a complicated concept to explain: the risk is that people will think that you're crazy.
During the day everything happens so quickly, frenetically, neurotically. However, there is a sacrosanct moment when I need to step away and isolate myself. Once my commitment to the team is over, usually around 5.30 p.m., I retire to my motorhome, relax and take a nap. It usually lasts a couple hours and then I go out. There’s always something to do after dinner. Of course, the range of options depends on how many friends are around. I really start enjoying the paddock around ten o'clock at night. Before going to sleep I check on the bike again and then I go into the team motorhome, which serves as an office. Now that I’m at Yamaha, I have an office all to myself. That’s where I keep all my race gear. I do this for two reasons. My own personal motorhome is an absolute mess, nothing more fits in there and I probably couldn’t find anything amid all the junk. Plus, the office is where I change into my racing suit before going out on to the track. Thus, at night, after going to the pits to see the bike, I go to make sure that all my stuff is where it should be: gloves, suit, socks, boots . . . everything needs to be perfect, because I just don’t have time in the morning to hunt around for stuff. Thus, each morning I have to follow a very precise routine. I’m like a robot, everything is the same each day. Because the truth is that I need to be like clockwork. I just don’t have the time to think. Somebody generally comes to wake me up — usually it’s Jeremy, because he doesn’t trust my ability to wake up on my own! I then get up, wash my face (my eyes are still shut at this point) and try to stay awake as I ride the scooter from the motorhome to the pits. I then go up to the office and get dressed. There too everything is done mechanically. It takes the slightest hiccup to throw everything off, forcing me to be late to the testing.
"I find it hard to explain to an engineer that I enjoy simply being near the bike, even when I’m not doing anything. it’s a complicated concept to explain: the risk is that people will think that you're crazy" well -
#some of you lot really should be making more use of -#- the line 'because that's actually when problems can arise - if it's you that the italian falls in love with'#//#brr brr#clown tag#batsplat responds#i can also remember a post-retirement interview where he was up early to watch the motogp race and was suffering? can't find it though#im on the other side of the generational shift on this... the idea of approaching professional sport like that makes me twitchy#like so much of it these days is controlling every controllable variable perfect optimisation and all that. this feels so casual!!#and is honestly one of the things that makes his longevity the most impressive. one hell of a change to have to make mid career
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Losing Haurchefant was really so sad for your WoL.
Like, you come off the boat (or cart) a fresh-faced adventurer and by the time you've finished Copperbell Mines you've met 2 parties of adventurers just like you who die in those dungeons.
And then when Ifrit tempers an entire group of your allies you have to fine out they are all put to death because they were tempered and somehow you just magically walked out of that unscathed. I even did a sahagain quest today that made you "rescue" some Maelstrom soldiers, who have actually all been tempered so you're tasked with killing them by your own hand.
And all of the rough shit culminates into getting framed for regicide and having all of the people you've given so much for turn against you. And you lose so many friends in the process (you get Y'shtola and Thancred back eventually, but you have no way of knowing that), you're separated from all of your allies and the only surviving ally you have left (that you're aware of) is sinking into a deep depression because he carries the fault for what happened.
And then there's Haurchefant, pressing a mug of hot chocolate into your hands and assuring you everything is going to be alright. Encouraging you to smile even through all the hardship. You're still a hero in his mind. None of your perceived failures or shortcomings have done anything to discourage him from seeing you in the best light. He vouches for you personally, welcomes you into his home, introduces you to his family and gets you back on your feet for more adventuring.
And then he dies. Protecting you. He's always been your shield, from harsh realities and blades alike. But this time it was too much, and he's going to die. But even still, he tells you to smile, because that's what he's always wanted for you, because that's what he's always strived to achieve for you.
That's fucking devastating tbh.
#ffxiv#hw spoilers#tho its been so long lmao#haurchefant greystone#im just reliving the msq and suffering#SE really did bring up haurchefant so often a lot of people started to kinda get tired of it#but in context its actually so tragic#also he just loved you whether you see it as friendship or otherwise#he didnt see you as a pawn to be played in a game he really just idolized you and loved you even at your lowest#a bean really
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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)
Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.
#laishuro#laios touden#i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings#as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes#but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred#not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life#are so compelling to me#and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons#and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience#whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that#when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know#this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night#sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always#but WHATEVER#i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol#which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga#so i became obsessed#and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf#and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ#now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life#with laishuro. and its great!#my comics
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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Thinking about Minute’s insane morals and how he doesn’t have a single genuinely bad bone in his body. He gets confused when he’s betrayed, he begs for explanations when people are cruel. He would rather make amends than hold onto grudges. He forgives and forgets. He teams with the same guy (Wemmbu) that’s betrayed him countless of times, and still trusts him anyways. Even if a bit reluctant at first. Even if he knows he’ll still end up betrayed.
Like this guy has PROBLEMS. He so morally… Good. He can stoop down to other people’s level, he can play dirty, he can be intimidating. He doesn’t really let himself get walked all over. But he’d MUCH rather just hang out and have peace. He gets upset when people are negative because he’s just SO optimistic. He always has to see the Good side of things, even when it’s a horrendous situation.
Even when he has reasons to be angry and upset and spiteful, he still chooses to hold his head high and STICK to his morals. He’s Stubborn. He tries so hard to see Why people are evil and hurtful, but he can’t personally understand. He needs to be the hero. He needs to save others. Because who else is going to do it? Who else has the resources, the strength, the backbone, the reputation? He gives items out to people with no expectation for reimbursement. He’s always saving other server members, even his enemies, from tricky situations.
He tries hard to remain all mysterious and brooding. He tries to seem calm and collected. But he wears his heart on his sleeve. You can hear every emotion in his voice, in the glint in his eyes. The way his smile upturns when he finds something amusing, or how his eyebrows furrow when he’s trying to piece something together. He’s an incredibly emotional guy, and he’s not good at hiding it. He’s notoriously a bad liar. He gives himself away every time he opens his mouth. It’s WHY he’s so genuine, so easy to trust.
It’s easy to get under his skin, but he still holds his ground. Because he has to. Because the world is cruel and brutal, and everyone is out to get him. Killing is second nature on most SMPs, especially on Lifesteal. But he can defend himself. Most other people can’t. He’s paranoid, and watches events from the sidelines (even if it annoys other players.) He always has extra food and fireworks to give out. Despite covering himself in dark colors, and hiding from large groups, he’s still looking out for others. He’s still the beacon of hope people need. He’s so annoyingly optimistic and cheerful that it’s sickening to most. He refuses to let himself become bitter and pessimistic.
Anyways bro thinks he’s Batman.
#I do NOT want to see a minutetech villain arc I want him to suffer through always playing the Hero#minutetech#PLEASE CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#DOES THIS MAKE SENSE#His hero complex is so fascinating to me#he isn’t doing any of this out of personal gain either#he’s just Genuinely trying to be a good guy#dare I say#In Over My Head by Grandson#I associate that song with him a Lot#he gets overwhelmed with this position he’s put himself into but he can HANDLE it#he HAS to#he has to endure it because nobody else is insane enough to be so stupidly Good and Optimistic#this is inspired mainly by the aftermath of the election results stream#and also the recent Nations event he was in#because wow he really can’t comprehend people Genuinely being evil JUST to be evil#basically Minute has to help people out all of the time or he dies#lifesteal#lifesteal smp
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#this is him right?#i don't care what he has done he's still babygirl#he didn't deserve to suffer#i know a lot of shit was his fault#but he's got trauma so can you really blame him#ouat#rumplestiltskin#ouat rumple#once upon a time#mr gold#text post meme#ouat humor
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It's way too hot and I am way too tired to do any more efforts, so excuse the critical lack of quality here.
If you didn't know, Cole is my favourite Power Ranger :D
And while I was binge watching Ninjago I had the pleasant surprise to see him physically and mentally traumatized in season 5 😈
And since I'm a huge sucker for angst, my brain immediately thought of developing that idea in order to hurt my beautiful baby boy some more. That and also the fact that my brain immediately looks for logic in the laws of cartoon physics (I really shouldn't do that...)
So I bring you the "Cole is a Ghost Kind-of-Saga". I still have a few more ideas to exploit, notably adressing the ways the other ninjas will help him cope with his new condition :3
And maaaaybeeeee a small comic too 😇
Anyways, I will let my brain rest a bit for now and sleep.
#I really want to rant about the things I wrote but my brain is melting#but basically ghosts are part of another plane of existence or smt#which explains for me why they can't really interact with anything from the living world#and also why Cole has visions#and why he has a different perception of time and can randomly space out#and I thought Cole was a bit different from other ghosts because he left the temple at the same second the sun arrived#and it is the reason why he isn't forced to stay in the temple#but also why he can interact with objects more easily#again these are just conjectures and headcanons from me#don't take this seriously#and also YES I'm gonna LOVE to write about his friends reactions#and how they can help him go through this#Because I still think that it is a lot#And Cole must suffer about it#But I also think that he is not the kind to express his feelings so he would suffer in silence#so his friends will have to be supportive without being too invasive#I think that there will also be a phase where they will prevent him from fighting/going out at all to protect him#because he would risk his life when they fight against other ghosts and he can't touch water and still has problem controlling his abilities#so even more angst because he would feel useless and the others would fear for him nonstop#my art#ninjago fanart#ninjago season 5#ninjago cole#ninjago#cole is a ghost
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I didn’t sit here for years tryna stay calm and silent while listening to your bad takes on gale (who grew up oppressed, in poverty and then witnessed his entire district getting wiped out then rightly went to fight in the rebellion because it was his inlg chance of tearing down the system the wanted him and his family dead) being a “terrorist war criminal who is single handedly responsible for killing innocent people including prim and who is the REAL villain of the hunger games” just for y’all to turn and start stanning and defending actual facist dictator and child trafficker Coriolanus Snow because you saw a young hot version of him.
#i actually do enjoy coryo as a villain and liked his origin story but people are really making excuses for him? and they know what he became#gale hawthorne#the hunger games#anti coriolanus snow#tbosas#like even in tbosas he shows that he is a sociopathic narissist. he tries to be good but those traits are still there and he embraced them#as for gale he was oppressed his entire life and lived in the poorest part of panem and resents the rich who were complicit in his suffering#the things he does for the resistance were things he thought was neccessary to win to end oppression#the other option was losing the rebellion and getting tortured killed and allowing snow to cause a lot more suffering#do i agree w everything he does? no because he is a character with flaws but i dont blame him one bit for decisions after the genocide of 12#he has to live with the consequences of what happened during the war and what he had to do to survive#but he is not a bad person for fighting back and willing to kill to survive he also does not understand the toll it takes to have to kill#him and snow are the same age and they both choose survival but snow is choosing power for himself and restoring his families wealth#and gale is choosing to join the rebellion and willing to fight for the sake of the rest of his people and to put an end to the suffering#one creates an oppressive society and one is tearing down that society both do whatever it takes#wow i guess i have more thoughts on gales character than i originally thought and the comparisons with snow are interesting
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i love how machete is just the embodiment of silent suffering, i know this is kind of silly but when i was well, silently suffering over something small, all i could think of was machete and that boosted my morale a bit lol
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#thank you!#he's certainly meant to come across that way so good to hear the vibes are correct!#I used to do the same a lot#when I had a really bad day or week I'd think “at least my sufferings are comparatively harmless”#answered#parabol8
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if you are someone like me who has trouble processing life events/mental health stuff create an oc. like. make a guy who's entire story is yours, who knows every inch of your suffering b/c they are you but maybe all their troubles stem from being in an intergalactic war with goob noobs or something. hurt them in terrible ways so that you dont hurt yourself.
#spacie spoinks#fiction is a good way to explore things that are difficult to deal with i do it all the time with my ocs!!#i mean this wont work for everyone#but making an oc who i just constantly take my pain and suffering out on#is something i find very cathartic#also hes not real!!#i made him up!!#hes like just a vessel for my own suffering#a copy of me and what i think i deserve#but will never actually give myself#yk?#also yes make the character you essentially but also keep a certain distance from them in your mind so#that you know that they are you but not *entirely*#its a really hard thing for me to explain#but when i think about my self harm oc i feel bad for him#b/c hes me and we share the same story but different circumstances#hes me but also his own person#and when i think about what hes gone thru i feel sad and sympathetic#and so i end up feeling that way about me too#b/c we didnt deserve 2 go thru any of it#especially good for suicidal ideation#which is something i struggle with a lot
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Broken Roofs and Fixed Perspectives
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Lots of cut content notes on this one. Lets all have a moment of silence for all the cut A-Qing's in each perspective.#particularly ripped and buff 'Daozhang Defender 'A-Qing (her perspective)#funny but poor layout#XY also had a red arrow pointed at him in his own POV that said 'just troubled' but it made the panel too cluttered.#He does see himself as troubled and uses that to justify his actions#but I also think there is room for him to not really know exactly how to feel about himself in this situation#Yi-city is such a fantastic tragedy for so many reasons and you will bear witness to me rambling about it in the tags as this arc continues#Helping a blind man fix a roof? A manipulative act of building trust or genuine display of wanting to collaberate?#XY and A-qing have experience of the cruelty of the world where as xxc has blind (haha) faith that kindness prevails#These three simultaneous know each other more than the other's think and *yet* completely miss the mark.#the stories they tell in the blizzard (and the reactions they have) so perfectly display who these characters are#Both xxc and xy tell stories about unfair cruelty. To xxc it is others who's suffering is highlighted. XY highlight's his own.#A-qing understands xue yang more that she wants to admit. She predicts the twists in xy's story and empathizes with the hurt and anger#A-qing is also taking advantage of xxc! She is also lying to survive!#Though shes mostly benign in her intentions. She really did vibe check the rank stank on XY's soul on the spot#Alas...no one listens to teen girls....
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the son becomes his father or something
#my art#earth-101#dc au#dick grayson#nightwing#batman#batfamily#dc comics#dick: ill never be batman i dont want to ever be batman#bruce: fuckin Dies - damian: arrives in gotham - jason: comes back from the dead and takes over crime in gotham as red hood#dick: well Fuck guess i gotta be batman now :/#saw a thread the other day that was like. presenting a case for dick being the most interesting successor for bruce and i was like#nodding along the entire time and REALLY liked the angle of him realising what its like to be batman through Being Batman#and also i love the idea of all the shit bruce left behind (whether he knew about it or not) haunting dick at every turn#trying not to be defined by what batman was while also trying to define what batman could be while also dealing with what batman Did#bro is suffering a lil bit#also ya im doing villain red hood on e101 i like the sound of that era a lot and still gotta read some pre-n52 stuff to Get It but. yaa
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son who fucking hates his jerk dad until he becomes an adult and does a 180 and becomes clingy, trying desperately to wring out some love and affection his dad never gave him x his boomer dad who was never taught how to show affection, reflect or apologize, suddenly having to awkwardly turn down advances from his son who's always practically grinding against him when they're alone
it's called healing 💘
and also revenge 💘
#dadson#dead dove#dadcest#shipcest#fauxcest#it's like this - you look at your parents differently once you're an adult#you realise they're individuals like everyone else#and their shortcomings which hurt you so bad were not out of malice#but just like a lot of things - out of incompetence. which is also infuriating and unfair#anyways take that weird feeling of hurt and wanting and make it dadson lol that's how I deal#dubcon?#dad doesn't really want it but his son NEEDS this. and wants to see his dad suffer anyway so he dgaf if dad wants it or not#alex and konrad#yeah this is actually about my OCs :3#ocs
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