#he really is the most average looking man on the planet but there is a slight slyness to his resting expression bc he has one lazy eye

[july-19th-club]

there's a guy who i dont work with but who works from my building as a consultant for a job-center type organization, and whenever he comes in he like. sets such a good example of patience, compassion, good manners, and...i dont know, gentleness that it makes me try harder not to be irritable or impatient with patrons. two totally different jobs, we never even speak unless he's asking for the stapler or we're saying hi and bye on his way in and out of the building, but every thursday good old boring average chris shows up to set up his laptop at one of our public tables and meet clients, and he's so goddamn nice i'm like okay i have to be nice too . so thanks chris

[astracora]

Poly!LADs headcanons - Bathing/Showering Edition

Inspired by thinking about how cold Raffy's preferred baths must be as a Lemurian.

Featuring all lads (inc Caleb) and main MC.

Masterlist

Rafayel prefers baths, he'll shower if he's in a rush, but he'll mostly want to bathe. This normally involves him spending hours just lying in the bath (Sylus has made a lot of jokes about stewed fish).

Prefers his water ice cold, as a deep sea fishy it's most familiar and while he can use hot water it's not as comforting, and he'll normally only do that if he's sharing the bath or shower with someone else and doesn't want them catching hypothermia.

Has the greatest supply of bathing accessories and products you'll ever see in your life. Anything that's ethically created or not harmful to the environment.

Is still unsure on bath bombs, on one hand, very fun, on the other hand, he likes being submerged in the water and he CAN keep his eyes open and often does. Yes he's gotten the bath bomb stuff in his eyes cause he forgot, yes he complained for hours after and got spoiled to high heaven for it.

Is mostly likely to bathe with Sylus at normal temperature for him (ice cold) cause Sylus is unbothered by temperature changes, so does not require the added heat for it to be bearable. If the temperature of the bath is adjusted, he'll often bathe with MC or with Xavier (who uses it as an excuse to have a nap, because Raffy won't let him drown and he's terrible at bathing alone.)

Always smells delightful after his routines, and they take a while.

Zayne is typically a shower guy, because he's a busy man but cares about looking presentable a lot. His routine is next level organised. Showers are pretty average temperature, but do run a bit hotter especially after using his EVOL.

While he has been known to have a bath, he's more likely to do it with someone else, or if someone has forced him to take it slow and pamper himself or is doing the pampering for him.

Kind of a get in and get out, he has products he likes to use and sticks with those, unless another one is suggested to him and he takes a liking to it. Will take longer showers if he's sharing the shower with someone else, in that case he enjoys taking care of them, and it takes quite a while before he gets used to anyone else doing it for him.

He shares the shower most with Sylus out of anyone (though frankly Sylus showers the most out of everyone so he'll happily hop in with anyone), close second are Caleb and MC. Both of whom he will nudge so he can take care of them, old age childhood friend worries. They do return the favour.

Jasmine shampoo and citrus body wash is the way to go for this man, citrus shaving cream too. Smells like a dessert, though tends to tone it down for when he's working at the hospital cause there's enough strong scents around his patients.

Xavier cannot be left alone to bathe, more than once someone has checked on him in the bath and he's fallen asleep and has almost drowned. Now if he bathes they set timers, or someone will bathe with him. It's not his fault, poor man is exhausted and worn down between how often he spends hunting and his connection to a dying planet.

He's most likely to shower and similar to Zayne he gets in and gets out, but he's also raised a prince, he knows how to self care and groom himself so he always looks good and presentable. He is very fond of baths more than he is of showers, because of this he will bathe with Raffy often. Depending on how he's feeling someone will join him in the shower and help him take care of himself. Especially after a nightly stint as Lumiere.

Water temperature is pretty normal, fairly hot but not that hot. Because of this he's easy to share a shower with.

Prewarning if you wash his hair he will fall asleep even quicker, or get frisky.

He likes really simple scents, things that aren't too powerful just incase it messes with his work. Tends to go with soft florals, it's like lying in a field of flowers, but you can only really smell it up close. (Raffy, Sylus and MC have all buried their nose in his neck before now, and just fallen asleep there.)

Caleb is a busy man so in the farspace fleet, showers are quick, like incredibly quick and whatever he has time for he'll do. Due to this he's prefers bathing when he's not at work, more time, more space to relax (more likely to be able to have MC wrapped up in his arms in the warm water), and just generally a luxury he doesn't really get time for often. He'll still shower when he's in somewhat of a rush to do something, like if he has a date with any of the polycule and he's running a bit late, or just wants to be done quickly cause he's excited.

He's used to cold showers... for several reasons, but also because MC had a bad habit of losing track of time in the shower when they were younger, and used up all the hot water more than once. That said he's chill with cold showers (badum tsh) but he's actually good with any kind of temperature (farspace training means you get used to all kinds of situations, as does DAA training). If it's super hot, the pain of the heat makes his sensory feedback respond better, so he has joined Sylus and MC for the 'I'm scalding my skin off with boiling water' showers, just to get to touch them to his hearts content. (Pre-cybernetic fixing anyway)

Showers most with MC, Sylus and Zayne, bathes most with MC and Xavier.

For work all his stuff is non-scented, at home he'll use whatever he knows MC likes most, he has however tried chocolate-smelling stuff, but they're very hit or miss, also likes fruit smells, strawberry is a favourite.

Sylus loves showering, he will spend such a long time in them, not as long as Raffy spends in the bath, but it's real close. (You best believe he's spending a fortune on heating water in the polycules house, this man does not care.) Temperature is 'burn your skin off' hot, he's a dragon, while he's not bothered by temperature in general, the hotter it is the better. The amount of steam in the shower room after is frankly suffocating.

Has the second biggest collection of skin care and body care products, all his stuff is expensive, but he'll make sure everyone's favourite stuff is stocked regardless. (Very obsessed however with other people wearing his scents, and visa versa) This man luxuriates, his stuff smells like you'd expect a rich man to smell. Woody, spicy and earthy smells. Like you've walked into a fancy boutique, it is pleasant though. He's never overpowering (what happens when you've got an autistic partner), but he does like to smell nice so he can wrap his partners up in the smell by contact.

Enjoys sharing showers with everyone, will happily bathe with others too but prefers his showers, partially cause he's used to needing to be prepared but also because he just enjoys them. He does get handsy, like a lot, but it's not (always) sexually driven, he's just a very big fan of pampering others, and enjoys touching his partners.

Any shower with Sylus will take longer than you planned. (And he wants to have his hair dried and brushed after.)

MC is similar to Sylus for temperature, but not QUITE as hot, will still leave their skin raw though, and will also spend a fair bit of time in there. Doesn't really actively go out of their way to bathe, but will if someone wants them to join them (ill advised to let them and Xavier bathe together, both fall asleep). Also rarely shares showers with others, unless requested or they really need help cleaning up (or are feeling the need for physical comfort and care).

They prefer to just clean up, zone out for twenty to thirty minutes, and then leave, the routine is important, and is a destress method. Has a stool for the shower too, because taking a prosthetic in there is very ill advised and cleaning yourself one handed can be a real pain in the ass. Much easier for them to sit down sometimes.

Doesn't like strong smelling stuff, but does love tropical scents (coconut, pineapple, mango, passion fruit stuff, as long as it's not too artificial) but will otherwise happily use anyone else's stuff, because it's all been stress tested. (And sometimes they just wanna smell like their partners more)

If they do share a shower, they wanna give as much as they take, but all the guys absolutely have to bend down (or sit on the stool) to let them shampoo hair, they used to stand on the stool to do it. They slipped once, it made Zayne so stressed he put a no standing on the stool rule because they're too clumsy.

Has the most basic care routine because they're terrible at taking care of themselves and only really have started since realising HOW bad they were with the polycule. Is slowly adding self care routines as they find ones the like.

[glasvera]

Bittersweet

Adam Warlock x Fem!Reader

Description: Recent attacks on your home town have slowed down business at the cafe you work at, but your day gets a lot more interesting when three of the Guardians of the Galaxy walk through the door.

Warnings: Rocket waving around a firearm, Star-Lord being an insufferable flirt... uh... other than that it's just cutesy shit.

A/N: Listen, I had to get around to the dreaded coffee shop trope at some point. Also, I mainly specify fem!reader because this may become a multi-part fic...? depending on how I'm feeling...? and a lot of the cutesy behaviors were written with a more feminine reader in mind.

EDIT: PART TWO IS OUT NOW!

Word Count: 2.8k

There were many things in your life that you could be thankful for: you had a job, you could afford rent (barely), and it hadn’t rained on your walk to work this morning. Though, that did mean you had to deal with the thunderous and grating sounds of construction during your commute.

Work had slowed down recently, but that wasn’t at all surprising. You were a barista at a fairly popular cafe downtown, and normally there would be a constant stream of customers in and out of the door. Unfortunately, when some idiot supervillain comes around town and decides to cause havoc and destruction up and down Main Street, fewer people feel safe enough to venture out for a cup of coffee. Really, the cafe shouldn’t be open at all. But the owner was a hardass, and rent and groceries don’t pay for themselves.

Still though, at least it was slow right now. Death and destruction sort of kills the mood to make lattes.

With your cheek smushed against your hand, you lean on the counter and drum your nails against the hard surface to the beat of the smooth jazz your boss always played, waiting impatiently for your shift to be over. Thanks to the lack of business, it was just you and one other employee right now, and you really weren’t in the mood to talk about the most recent episode of the current K-drama she’s been watching. Way too high energy for you right now.

Unfortunately, fate has decided to give you the big middle finger this afternoon when a boisterous trio walks through the door. You couldn’t even hear the chime of the door’s bell over the way two of them bickered back and forth. Snapped out of your mind’s pointless wandering, you stand up straight and take a good luck at your new clientele.

One of the ones arguing looked normal enough. Average height, messy dirty blonde hair… though he was definitely not wearing anything from this planet. It looked like some sort of strange space jumpsuit with a blue coat thrown over top of it. He’s looking down and practically shouting at a… bipedal raccoon? You blink your eyes before rubbing them, making sure you were seeing things clearly, but no. That was definitely a bipedal, talking raccoon wearing clothes and carrying a very large gun. Said gun seemed to be the root of their argument as the blonde guy gestures wildly at it.

“You can’t just bring that in here, Rocket! These are normal, human people! You’re gonna scare them!”

“Why should I give a flark? I ain’t leaving myself unarmed if any bad guys show up. You saw how torn up the streets were out there!” the raccoon replies, flinging his paws about even as he holds the gun. Your coworker has long ducked out and disappeared to the back.

You don’t know how to react. You don’t even know where to begin. Quite frankly, you were willing to ignore open carry laws if it meant you didn’t have to be on the receiving end of that. But all of the tension in your body, hell, everything else fades into the background when you see him.

A man, seemingly made of pure gold and with matching gorgeous golden locks, stands behind the other two with his hand on the back of his neck. A mantled red cloak rests on his shoulders, but otherwise it seems he’s completely shirtless, and you can see lines etched into his skin that contour his defined muscles perfectly. Well, perhaps you can ignore multiple rules today. Pupilless, milky white eyes meet yours, and he gives you an apologetic smile.

Perfection doesn’t exist, shouldn’t exist… So how is it standing before you as he approaches the counter?

“Please, forgive them,” he starts, and even his voice is perfectly soothing. “I asked my friend Pe--Star-Lord, if I could try this coffee I had heard so much about, and this was the only place open nearby.”

“O-Oh, it’s… it’s um, well… if I said it was okay, I’d be lying, but--”

His brows knit together with worry. “If we must take our leave, I understand. It seems as though your town has been through enough already. If only we had been able to minimize more of the damage.”

“No, no, it’s fine!” you respond almost frantically. The last thing you want is for this man to leave, even if the same can't be said for his companions. Once you process the rest of what he said though, you tilt your head to the side curiously and point to some of the wreckage being cleaned up outside the cafe window. “Wait… that was you guys?” you ask incredulously.

The other man halts his argument and shoves Rocket’s face down and out of the way, and the raccoon looks about ready to bite that hand off. “The Guardians of the Galaxy, at your service!” he proclaims triumphantly as Rocket exclaims muffled obscenities. “Or, at least, some of us. At least the best looking one is here!” he clarifies with his thumb pointed into his chest. Ah, the egotistical type. Wonderful.

“I’m so lucky,” you reply dryly as you roll your eyes and massage your temples. It does draw a snort from the golden man in front of you though, and that makes you smile slightly as your attention is brought back to him. His very presence is warm like sunshine and almost as blinding. So much so that you don't realize the other guy is walking up to join him at the counter until he's practically shoving his hand toward you to shake.

“Name's Star-Lord, though you can call me whatever you like, sweetheart,” he adds with a wink. You stare down blankly at his hand, unmoving, and you can practically feel the way he tenses up from the awkward silence that ensues. Being flirted with at work was nothing new for you, and you always hoped there was a special place in hell for those who decided to take their chances with the employees forced to receive their advances. “...Or, uh… yeah. Star-Lord is fine,” he backtracks as he withdraws his hand and brushes it on his pants.

“Right. Cool,” you respond nonchalantly, turning your attention down to the register's monitor. “So what can I get you?”

The golden man snickers behind his hand and Rocket grabs Star-Lord by the hem of his coat. “Sorry. We haven't gotten him fixed yet, so he has a hard time keeping it in his pants,” he jokes as he glares pointedly at the man who had handled him so roughly just moments ago. Okay, that gets a chuckle out of you.

“Hey, what-!?”

“Can it, flark-face. We're gonna wait outside while Goldie gets his fix,” the raccoon interrupts as he starts dragging him outside. “Don't take too long, ya hear?”

“The two of you can return to the ship if you do not wish to wait. I intend to take my time,” the man responds calmly, giving you a soft smile. Rocket grumbles something about not blaming them if he gets lost later, but he doesn't seem to protest as they exit the cafe with a chime of the door’s bell.

“I cannot apologize enough for my companions,” he starts, and he is a little confused when you titter at that. “You… seem to have handled them well, though. I admit I am impressed.”

He's impressed? It's such a simple little thing, just a comment in passing, but you feel a rush of warmth in your cheeks.

“It's nothing, really. Once you get past the shock of a talking raccoon, at least,” you joke.

“I wouldn't recommend calling him that to his face,” he warns with a wry smile.

“Noted,” you reply with a toothy grin of your own that he quickly mirrors. Gorgeous, and good at both conversation and easing the tension? You were done for. But, you still have a job to do, and he was here for a reason.

“So… never tried coffee, then?” you ask as you turn to idly check the different bean blends you had on hand.

“No,” he responds almost sheepishly. You giggle softly.

“It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not everyone's cup of tea.”

“But… but I thought it would be a cup of coffee,” he says, his voice sounding rather confused and a little worried. Oh. He's adorable.

“Oh! It's just… it's a phrase. Saying it's not everyone's cup of tea just means it's not to everyone's taste,” you explain as you turn to look at him over your shoulder.

He looks positively befuddled, bringing a hand to his forehead and brushing back his hair. “It is so much simpler to say it that way…” he muses quietly to himself. You still pick up on it and chuckle.

“Well, regardless, don't be surprised if you don't like it,” you continue as you grind a scoop of beans from your lightest roast. “A lot of people say it smells better than it tastes.”

It was slow enough, and he seemed quite interested in your explanation sans the confusing turn of phrase. You could take your time. Hell, you were ready to give him the cup for free as payback to your boss for the stupid smooth jazz playlist you'd practically memorized from the amount of times it looped. Your customer waited patiently, taking in every detail as his eyes followed your movements.

“Do you enjoy it?” he asks, breaking the temporary silence. When you turn towards him and blink curiously, he clarifies, “Coffee, I mean.”

The slow, steady drip of freshly brewing coffee begins, and you return your attention to him. “I do, yeah. Definitely an acquired taste, but nothing a little bit of cream and sugar can't fix.” You lean your elbows on the counter and tilt your head to the side. “A lot of people drink it for the caffeine more than anything.”

He blinks those white gold eyes at you, but nods in understanding after a moment. “Yes… caffeine I am familiar with. Some of the Guardians have taken a liking to energy drinks…” His voice trails off, as does his gaze, and you quirk a brow. He looks as though he’s seen terrible things and is suffering PTSD flashbacks right before your eyes… maybe you should move on from that.

“Well,” you start, bringing him back to reality as his head snaps towards you. You grab a cup, slide on its cardboard sleeve, and begin pouring the contents of the freshly brewed pot into it. Sliding it towards him, you watch him cradle it in his hands, seemingly intrigued by its warmth. “Ready to try it? Be careful though; it’s hot.”

“That should be no trouble,” he responds before bringing the cup to his lips. Your eyes widen with concern for a moment, but he clearly speaks truth as he takes a long sip without so much as a flinch. At least, he doesn’t flinch from the temperature of it. The flavor, on the other hand…

“It is…”

He tries so desperately to force a smile. His eyes narrow a bit, and the corners of his lips tug their way towards his cheeks, but it’s tight-lipped, and his nose crinkles in displeasure. You roll your lips between your teeth and try to subdue the laughter bubbling in your throat.

“Don’t force yourself. Here,” you say, holding your hand out to take his cup back. He does so instantly, dropping the facade and immediately regarding it with visible disgust. He looks akin to a cat that is about to smack something that has displeased them. Now you can’t help the chuckle from slipping out. “It can taste better, I promise.”

“I do not believe you,” he states plainly, but pauses when your fingertips brush against each other in the passing of the cup. It’s incidental, fleeting, but he seems to stare down at where your skin touched him, studying it. He blinks twice and meets your gaze. “...Though, I suppose I should relent to the resident expert on this vile beverage.”

“Vile?” you snort as you procure a spoon, cane sugar, and a small pitcher of half and half. “I suppose I can understand though. Even I don’t drink it black--er, without any additives,” you tell him, catching yourself before you confuse him with some other English terminology he clearly didn’t understand. Based on his reaction, you scoop a few spoonfuls of sugar, stirring it and pouring the half and half until the liquid takes on a lighter, cloudier hue. Blonde, you might call it. You slide it back over to him, and he squints at it. You laugh and, nodding at the cup, urge him to try it again.

“If this is some sort of trick…” he replies warily, taking the hot beverage into his hand for the second time. You give him a cheeky smile in return and rest your head on your wrist, waiting patiently for him to take another sip. When he realizes he’s not getting anything else out of you until he does, he sighs and brings it back to his lips. His trepidation is obvious; the liquid scarcely passes through the seam of his lips at first. But then it hits his tongue and his eyes widen in shock. After taking a proper sip then, he sets the cup back on the counter, staring at it as though it were the product of some sort of witchcraft.

“It is still bitter, and yet…” his words trail off as he stares at it before his eyes flicker to yours, full of wonder. “There is a complexity to it. Sweetness to combat the bitter. Cream to compliment the acidity…”

“Hmm, never seen someone turn into a coffee sommelier over the simple addition of cream and sugar,” you tease as he picks up the cup and continues drinking it. There is something fascinating about the utter innocence of it; rare is the occasion that one can witness a stranger’s firsts like this, and he brought an almost childlike wonder to the simple act of drinking coffee. It’s terribly adorable.

He sees the smile on your face and the tenderness in your expression, and he averts his gaze suddenly. The embarrassment doesn’t help his case in the slightest, instead pulling a lilting giggle from your lips.

“I’m glad you like it, really,” you add genuinely. “I would hate for your first impression to be one of just bitter, acrid bean water.”

“My first impression?” he inquires curiously. “I suppose such things matter. Though, truly, my first impression of you was that of a calm, patient, and gentle soul.”

That hadn’t been what you meant at all. You were referring to the cafe itself, not to its humble employee. His words leave your jaw slack and your eyes wide, and you turn away bashfully before covering your face with one hand. “O-oh, that’s--I meant--”

Now it’s his turn to chortle, and it’s a lovely, deep, rumbling sound. “I am aware. Still, I find it pertinent to speak of the truths I see in front of me,” he speaks, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he revels in the flush he feels radiating off of your very being. “Especially when they draw such wonderful expressions forth.”

He was teasing you. Here you were, moments ago, marveling at how naive he seemed to be. Now you truly felt the fool.

A golden hand places a few bills and coins onto the counter. “I look forward to the next time I visit this establishment. You can introduce me to even more of the seemingly vast world of coffee.”

You’re dumbfounded. Next time? And he wanted to see you? He’s moving to take his leave, giving you the softest yet somehow most knowing of smiles, and you feel yourself panic.

“Wait!” you call out suddenly.

He does. Though, there is a somewhat perplexed look about him at your sudden outburst.

“I… I didn’t catch your name. If you’re going to be a regular here, well… I like knowing my regulars’ names.”

That was a load of bullshit and you knew it, but that doesn’t mean he has to. You’d be damned if you didn’t know the name of the perfect, Midas touched man that would be haunting your dreams for weeks to come. At least he regards you with a solemn understanding, giving you a soft “ah” as though it made perfect sense to him.

“I am Adam Warlock. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Y/N,” he responds before, with an effortless flourish of his red cape, he finally exits the door with the gentle chime of its bell.

His voice… your name upon his lips sounded like heaven. Wait, how did he--!?

Oh. Right. Name tag, duh. 

Still though, you knew every shift from here on out would be painstakingly torturous as you waited for that beautiful golden man to walk back through the cafe’s door.

[drdemonprince]

I don't think I have it in me to be an abolitionist because I read that horrible story about the trans teen murdered in South Carolina and my knee jerk reaction is, those people should rot in jail, ideally forever, or worse. No matter how I look at it I can't make myself okay with the idea that you should be allowed to steal someone's life in such a horrible way and then just go back to enjoying your life. Some stuff is just too over the top evil.

You can have whatever emotions you want about that person's murderous actions, but the reality is that the carceral justice system is one of the largest sources of physical, emotional, and sexual torment for transgender people on this planet.

Transgender people are ten times more likely to be assaulted by a fellow inmate and five times more likely to be assaulted by a corrections officer, according to a National Center for Transgender Equality Report.

Within the prison system, transgender people are frequently denied gender-affirming medical care, and housed in populations that do not match their identity, which increases their odds of being beaten and sexually assaulted.

The alternative to being incorrectly housed with the wrong gendered population is that transgender people are also frequently held in solitary confinement instead, often for far longer periods on average than their non-transgender peers, contributing to them experiencing suicide ideation, self harm, acute physiological distress, a shrunk hippocampus, muscculoskeletal pain, chronic condition flare-ups, heart disease, reduced muscle tone, and numerous other proven effects of solitary confinement.

The prison system is also one of the largest sites of completely unmitigated COVID spread, among other illnesses, with over 640,000 cases being directly linked to prison exposure, according to the COVID prison project.

We know that number is rampantly under-estimated because prisoners, especially trans ones, are frequently denied medical care. And even basic, essential physical care. Just last year a 27-year-old Black man named Lason Butler was found dead in his cell, having perished of dehydration. He had been kept in a cell without running water for two weeks, where he rapidly lost 40 pounds before perishing. His body was covered in rat bites.

This kind of treatment is unacceptable for anyone, no matter who they are and what they have done, and I shouldn't have to explicitly connect the dots for you, but I will. One in six transgender people has been to prison, according to Lambda Legal. One in every TWO Black transgender people has been to prison. One in five Black men go to prison in America.

THIS is the fate you are consigning all these people to when you say that prisons must exist because there are really really bad people out in the world. We should all know by not that this is not how the carceral justice system works. Hate crime laws are under-utilized, according to Pro Publica, and result in few convictions. The people who commit transphobic acts of violence tend to be given softer sentences than the prisoners who resemble their victims.

We must always remember that the violent tools of the prison system will be used not against the people that we personally consider to be the most "deserving" of punishment, but rather against whomever the state considers to be its enemy or to be a disposable person.

You are not in control of the prison system and you cannot ensure it will be benevolent. You are not the police, the judge, the jury, or the corrections officers. By and large, the people who are in these roles are racist, transphobic, ableist, and victim-blaming, and they will use the power and violence of the system to terrorize people in poverty, Black people, trans people, "mad" people, intellectually disabled people, women, and everyone else that you might wish to protect from harm with a system of "punishment." Nevermind that incaraceration doesn't prevent future harm anyway.

You can't argue for incarceration as the tool of your revenge fantasies, you have to argue for it as the tool that it actually is. The purpose of a system is what it does. And the prison system's purpose has never been to protect or avenge vulnerable trans people. It has always been to beat them, sexually assault them, forcibly detransition them, render them unemployable, disconnect them from all community, neglect them, and unperson them.

[jacktheeldergod2]

Poll time y'all

As part of a multidimensional alternative rehabilitation program you were randomly selected to be the master of an otherworldly criminal for an unspecified amount of time,your options being:

The eldest vampire of a parallel earth long lost to ruin,a girl from the very first batches of homo sapiens evolution crafted. Speaks only her tribe's language but has a little translator pendant to understand you. Her crimes were described as pestilence spreading for eons. Wants to hunt constantly. Plays single player videogames and exercises. Does little to nothing else. Immune to the sun and holy symbols,claims she was allergic to garlic since garlic was a thing. Wants to sleep hugging someone,the more people the merrier to her

Alecorax the one who knows. a dragon of purple and orange coloration the size of a cruise ship. Knows more than you can comprehend and yields magic so skillfully that he slayed the gods of his realm all by himself in a fight that took 37852 years and 29 days. His crimes are deicide and experimentation on people. The only reason he won't kill you is cause he was allowed to not have to share any of his knowledge horde with you. Will ignore you half the time.

A salamander made of broken obsidian. Consumes all the heat around it slowly but surely. Its crimes are going to the core of multiple planets and over the eons freezing them in a quest to be the last alive in its world. Always complains about how there are more dimensions with more even more planets it has to kill now. Is is constantly snuffing out heat sources.

Irene the daughter of air. A siren that controlled the minds of billions of civilizations with her music and committed the biggest count of tax evasion in the known multiverse. Can stop your anxiety or bring you exquisite sleep with a mere whistle. If you look at her purple scales long enough it may take hours or days for you to snap out of your trance. Will either steal your money or everyone elses,your choice. Refers to Freddie Mercury and robopup as fellow sirens. Can hear your thoughts. Heard that insult you thought of and laughed at you

Though-shall-not-bow-to-evil. An angel that killed an unspecified amount of innocents by accident and thus fell. Has 28 wings and 4 faces,covered in armor that conceals their perfectly smooth,spotless shining form. Deeply regretful and cries rose water almost every time they remember their sin. will do anything you ask even if it kills them. Will follow into the next life if you reincarnate,won't stop following you until you are in a comfortable afterlife

Dilar the dealer. A fey with a bug like form hidden under their suit,hat and stained glass mask. They will kill you if you try to touch their mask or undo their clothes. Their crimes were simply described as fraud. Will try to get you to make deals with them. Proceed with them at your own risk

Cornelius the last court jester of the court of witchcraft. No one knows how this one man who was once a mere eunuch guard that watched over a warlord's harem of slaves became the most trusted man in the court of witchcraft nor how he killed them all. He doesn't have to disclose this information to you. His crimes are mass murder as well as the theft and hiding of all the magic items of the court and its participants. Jokes about everything that is brought to his attention

Slorvenovia the traitorous queen. A giant type of bee or wasp,you can't really tell. As big as the average plane. Ate all of her kind on her world and devoured her own genitals as to never bear spawn again. Claims she did it so she could be the only one as beautiful as her race is. Can turn to a humanoid form,a 2 meters tall woman with blond here and hazel eyes. Will beat the shit out of you if you demand honey from her and will side eye you if you consume any honey

The presence. An incorporeal invisible being with only the ones it desires feeling its presence. Can do any menial task,housework,your job and more,always leaving notes ridiculing the job it did,calling it too easy. Will do tasks you didn't tell it to and mock you for not remembering to tell it to do them. Its crimes are described as sightseeing

The weather beetle. a big humanoid machine made of gold,hunched over and with 8 arms helping it walk in an animalistic manner,fully composed of glass and gold. Many machines detecting,analyzing and controlling the weather lie upon it's back. Jolly and curious. Its crimes are creating weather phenomena that almost killed all the lifeforms on its world in a week. It's confused as it thinks that the weather is something whose damages would always be excused and doesn't understand why it was punished

Spade the knight of every forest. A σπουργίτι(type of small bird) with a needle made out of porcupine quill he uses as a sword. Speaks of his glorious queen often,seems deeply in love with her although he denies it, rambling about how dishonorable it would be to pine over the king's wife. Talks in a deep boastful voice,sings without a semblance of rhythm. Asks to kill specific people,not saying why. Similar murders landed him in this program. Gathers lost coins to buy fig tarts

Sfera the haunted pistol. A demon locked in an old colt revolver. Speaks to you in your head. Weathered with little of her hilt painted white anymore. Starts laughing proudly when her crimes are mentioned,which were described as "crimes of war". Always asks to be repainted and polished,gets all mushy when these requests are fulfilled. Always suggests vile actions and brutal solutions to you. While you own her no bullet will touch you and she'll never run out of lead for you to shoot. Demands to listen to guns and roses,queen and nirvana in the morning,always demands you read old myths to her before bed,often asking for the works of Homer

The godmother. A 9 foot tall ethereal undead with pale skin and pure white glazed over eyes. She's soft spoken but starts yelling at you if you don't follow her wishes. Her crimes were described as child abuse,child endangerment and use of chemical weapons as discipline methods. Tries to lead your behavior in any way she can. Not allowed to hurt you or disobey your wishes at all. This is for your own safety

@1969chevycamaro @whereserpentswalk @everythingismadeofchaos @techiekittie @trashsouppossum @ononpetitecroissant @parsley-and-lesbianism @polkadotsunshine @strange-and-stupid @doyoudreamofwater @dackychansworldofhoshino @dh-ng @decoysender @foxundermoon @frozen-antifreeze @gloriousvermin @kinkshame-puncher-666 @kirkland-brand-witch @leavesswaytoday @bisexual-bat @bellaphomet3 @mmmmmmky @mun-urufu @moonsfavoritedaughter

[himbofan4444]

Excuse me sir, but I highly doubt your abilities. I'm one of the brightest minds in my tech company here in Silicon Valley have been doing exhausting work trying to convert mindless jocks into slender gay nerds like me. The most I can manage is making some brute nearsighted. But you're turning men into himbos? Hardly. Like anyone would dumb, meathead heterosexual? That's a fate worse than death in my book! I dare you to show me what you're made of.

You doubt my abilities? How come? Well, after reading your goals for the men of this world, I’m quite worried. You see, for the world to keep spinning and keep from collapsing, there must remain a fine balance of the dumb and the intelligent, the strong and the weak, the straight and the gay. You wish to disturb that balance as a way to vainly recruit more men into being lithe and gay. I’m very glad to hear you haven’t been successful.

So as for you, I don’t believe adding ONE more meathead to the planet’s roster would cause much issue, so that’s what you are going to become. Now I don’t want to give you too many of the objectively good traits, as you clearly have an ulterior motive, so I’m going to adapt you as I wish. Have fun!

I snap my fingers and all of your clothes vanish, your frail body on full display for me. Wow, this is gonna be a lot more work than I thought. I snap again and your muscles begin to swell to the size of a high school jock’s. Much better but ooh. You’re still a cocky little fuck so naturally you’re flexing your above average muscles, smirking obnoxiously. Let’s fix that. I snap again. Your face drops into a mindless expression and your arms fall to your side. A fog overtakes your thoughts, making any attempt to think a fruitless one. Speaking of fruit… I snap my fingers. Your microdick springs to life, hardly sticking out two inches from your body. Yikes that won’t do. Your dick slowly grows to be 6 inches, not small but not large either. Your dumb little brain sparks a thought, tits, pussies, curvy women bouncing on your cock. Your dick leaks like a broken faucet at the thought. And since they’ll likely be your only thought for a long time, it’s safe to say this leaking will never cease. I would say I’m sorry but I’m really not.

So you’re welcome, Earth. I have ridden the planet of a man trying to disturb the balance. Now the only thing he’ll be disturbing is disinterested women. Even this is no issue because his pea brain is so small he can’t even figure out how to actually use his strength, so he’s pretty much harmless. Let us rejoice! Another himbo added to my collection. I do hope for more variety soon. This lineup is looking quite similar.

[vintagetvstars]

Alan Alda Vs. Fred Rogers

Propaganda

Alan Alda - (M*A*S*H) - He is both the saddest wettest little meow meow and your kindly grandfather and your favourite eccentric uncle (mom's side). Somehow it works. Passionate Democrat, feminist, great writer, he and his books are hilarious. Did a cartwheel when he won an Emmy! How he met his wife is the best meet cute of the last two centuries, and they've now been married over 60 years!!!

Fred Rogers - (Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood) - Okay he may not have been Hot per se, but you know that man would take better care of you than anyone else on planet Earth. And that's hot af.

- No Negative Propaganda Please -

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

Alan Alda:

he’s just so good in MASH

he put so much bisexuality into hawkeye i think it fundamentally changed me when i was little and watching mash for the first time. anyway do we all know the story about how he met his wife when they were at a party together and they were the only two people eating the cake that fell on the floor and he fell in love with her over her laugh. i just think hes neat :) i love when theres a strange looking man. also feel it necessary to say that the guy that wrote the book mash was based on wrote himself as hawkeye and HATED alda's hawkeye bc he displayed his morals too much (alda had it in his contract for the show that every episode had to have an operating room scene bc otherwise you arent backdropping the fact that war is Not fun. actually. he almost didnt take the role bc he thought a war comedy would make too much light of the horrors)

please please please use this picture of him, he's so hot in it

His comedic delivery in MASH...

The story of how he met his wife is charming and sweet, and they've now been married 65 years

Just look at him. He's the most beautiful man I've ever seen but also he's completely average. He's got a weak jawlines and a round face and these big soft eyes and he's just so beautiful. He's capable of playing a silly charismatic sitcom protagonist in one scene, and a jaded army surgeon haunted by the deaths he's witnessed in the next. He's so hot that my dad once told me he decided to apply to medical school because of how much he was attracted to Hawkeye Pierce. That's literally how I learned that my father was bisexual.

He's also just a really great dude? He's been outspoken about his political beliefs for a long time, and has always been strongly and vocally anti-war, pro-feminist, and pro lgbt. He served a tour in the Korean war, and his experiences there informed his performance in the show. He (and honestly the entire cast, but especially him) really just soared above and beyond the standard for comedies of the day.

He's so funny and his eyes are pretty

He loves and is a champion of science (Source).

[sol-consort]

maybe silly but imagine a similar scenario to your turian roommate post but with an angara

your hopeless romantic roommate who's just barely educated enough on human norms to know he's not supposed to explicitly confess so soon, but not nearly enough to actually hide his crush. you feign obliviousness just to see how far he'll go. it turns out he's willing to go pretty far.

Looking back then, you'd blame it on curiosity, a dose of boredom, a healthy mix of both. A feeling so familiar and just very human.

Seeing how long can you hold your breath while diving in the pool, how many times can you flip a coin to land on the same side, just how far this tower of cards you've been stacking will reach.

Innocent things, harmless in retrospect.

So was his crush on you at first, ever so innocent and sweet. Highly altered by your rose-tinted views on angara. This new loveable species, so pretty in their colours and galaxy skin, so polite and kind, so... refreshing from your average Milky Way alien, which grew dull by now.

You just wanted to see, your intentions were pure... mostly, merely wanting to test the waters, see until how long can you play the role of the oblivious air-headed human before he catches on to what's happening?

Like, what's the worse that could happen? You admit to teasing him deliberately, he pouts in the adorable way angara tend to do, and you two laugh about it in not a week's time?

You were unbelievably bored, there aren't many fun things to do while rehabilitating a new planet into a livable state. All you do is watch numbers go up and down in decimals on a screen all day long.

This can't be good for humans; you need enrichment!

So you make do to find your own entertainment, which just happened to be angara shaped.

The digital pamphlets your team was required to study and be quizzed upon before getting the OK from higher ups to descend to the planet and work alongside the angara, were very informative, if a little stereotypical, Tann really needs to hire a better sensitivity reader.

What stood out to you the most were all the snippets about the angara's "unusual" cultural views on love. The normalisation of romance, the openness with feelings, the emotional intelligence and wisdom nurtured into each one of them since they were little.

How eccentric of a concept it seemed for the Milky Way's emotionally constipated species.

And when your angara roommate confessed on an uneventful sunday morning, as nonchalantly as one would offer a passing "good morning" while a sleep deprived you was looking for dinner leftovers in the fridge to reheat for breakfast.

It didn't shock you as much as you thought it would, maybe because this is the ninth instance of an angara seemingly developing a crush on a human overnight that happened in this settlement so far.

They just keep falling like flies left and right, it seemed as if you couldn't lump an angara with another human under the same roof without someone popping something.

With the chilly air of the still-opened fridge against your side, the humming of electricity faintly heard in the background, the hunger gnawing at your core for something to vill the void in your stomach with—the best response your brain could conjure to this man in front of you, was inquiring if the coffee machine was still broken or did the maintenance guy arrive and fix it yesterday while you were at work?

A second passed, two became three, five awkward seconds stretching into six.

You recognise the look in his eyes, one that screams cogs-churning in brain right now. You could practically imagine the frozen loading screen that is his mind. A look most angara you knew had whenever they weren't sure if one of you were messing with them or telling the truth.

The two of you sat and ate breakfast in silence, your coffee cup steaming to the side, his usual serving of nutrition paste, the slightly mushy pasta leftovers from last night, freshly microwaved, on a plate between the two of you to share.

And then you heard it again.

"I love you." followed by the clinking of the spoon against the bowl as he scooped another bite.

Looking at you expectingly, sharp eyes awaiting a reaction, a slight hint of skepticism as he continues on to clarify.

"Romantically. Sexually. I want to be with you, to be your partner, bondmate..." a pause as he attempts to recall the human terms, "boyfriend. Yes."

He couldn't have made himself clearer, and you don't know if you should feel insulted for being seen as thick in the head or touched for his accommodation to what he deemed as obliviousness.

The first time, you didn't mean to brush him off, it was a brain hiccup, a lagging issue, courtesy of the numbing work sleep routine purgatory you've been assigned.

But now, oh now, something... stirs inside you.

The same innocent curiosity, the pure urge to just see how far a rubber band can stretch.

You awww-ed at his words. "That's very sweet." You sprinkled at the end.

And kept chewing the pasta.

He blinked.

You smiled.

"Should I take this as a rejection? If so I completely understand and won't bothe—"

You interrupted him, "a rejection of what? why what happened?"

Oh. That felt good. How rewarding the confused dumbfounded expression on his face felt, but you can't laugh yet, you can't blow your cover. Summon your inner theatre kid.

"I..." he swallowed "is this confusing? Should I have clarified more?" He mulls it over, watching the steam leaving your coffee, glimpsing his distorted reflecting on its surface.

You know what they say about fun times, it sure flies by.

As the days go by, you find yourself looking forward to new opportunities to mess with your dear roommate, who's ever so determined to get his feelings across to you.

The love letter he carefully writes, folds, and leaves on your bed. Only for it to accidentally get lost in the laundry as it happened to be the day you wash your sheets.

The bouquet of flowers assortment he carefully selected to resemble Earth flora as closely as he could manage from all of those education vids he used for reference. Only for you to praise him for finally deciding to decorate the apartment, but maybe he should've bought a vase as well. Not to worry, you have this old empty bottle of krogan liquor as a temporary solution.

Your average human would've gotten frustrated, thrown in the towel by now. Which is exactly why messing with this angara is so fun, he's just so full of hope for you, so trusting, so naive as he keeps trying time after time to explain his feelings for you.

One time, you pretended not to know what sex was—you, one of the expedition leading scientists—as the two of you were watching a sorta steamy romance movie video that he insisted on watching together.

"Look, do you see that?" He pointed at the screen, a quarian taking off her helmet as before crashing her lips into the stunned turian in front of her.

His fingers brushed against the back of your hand, a paw-like palm easily covering yours whole. "That's what I want us to do, what I long for, what I daydream about." He turned to face you.

You did the same, looking up at his ever so hopeful eyes "You daydream about being a quarian?" You titled your head to the side, "but you haven't even met one before."

If patience was a virtue, then this man must be a saint.

"I'll show you what I mean, if you'd let me." He leaned down, almost cornering you against the arm of the couch, yet still giving you enough room to get up and leave.

The elation that went through you was electric as you saw the opportunity of a lifetime to do the funniest thing ever.

Nodding, you wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling the faint buzzing of electricity beneath his skin, reminiscent of the fuzzy static electricity stuck to the screen of an old box TV.

He melted under your touch, a deep exhale tugging along all the weight on his shoulders with it as it left. Arms completely moving to envelope you and close the distance between your bodies, as if he couldn't believe this was finally happening, that a match was struck at last.

You felt his hot breath against your skin as his face inched closer, his own lips brushing against yours, slow, tantalising, testing the waters as not to frighten you away. Arms completely wrapped around your waist, clutching the flimsy fabric covering your back.

He tasted sweet, a little sour, like candy. Blunt teeth and a large tongue, how it curiously traced over your canines as the kiss deepened.

Greedly prolonging this so-called demonstration. Nearly losing himself in your lips, his hold on you slowly coaxing you to sink down into the couch, under his larger body.

Leaving the both of you breathless as he breaks it off, pulling away with the same slow grace, yet staying in close proximity.

"Do you... understand, now?"

The very same hopeful glint in his eye.

You happily offer an affirming answer with a definite yes.

"Of course, your future partner will be so lucky!" To add insult to injury, you gave his lips a short peck, "I'm really glad you feel comfortable enough with me to practice this, we're really good friends, aren't we?"

[minamorsart]

🌌✨The Empyreal Within character designs of Lotor, Allura, and Ven'tar! I might do Honerva and Zarkon next, we'll see! This is part of an upcoming project that I am super excited about and will reveal in time!!! 💜

Explanations of the outfits below! I thought about them a LOT hehe.

18 year old Lotor: these designs I am the most pleased with! Lotor's official design in the show is very different from the rest of the Galra, which I believe is significant to him venturing further away from the precedents established by his father and cementing his own individuality. However, as an adolescent it makes sense that he would still wear Galra attire, hence the bulky armor (to make him look bigger since he is smaller than the average Galra) and red and gold colors which appear to only be worn by the royal family. I like to think that the insignia on his chest is a symbol for royalty, but is also exclusive to Lotor's identity, as no one else wears that particular insignia in the show. And despite wearing clothes specifically chosen to represent the Galra Empire, I can also picture him wanting to incorporate his own personal tastes, so there are accents of purplish-blue (as blue is part of Lotor's color scheme) and the addition of his waist cape, both of which represent his growing desire for change and independence.

Mid-20's Lotor: this is during the many years of his banishment. I imagine him hopping from planet to planet, concealing his identity as much as possible while adopting a more humble lifestyle and pursuing his passion for exploring. It is during this isolated pilgrimage that he does a lot of introspection, self-actualization, and gains self-confidence both as a man and as the Galra prince. But before that happens, the lack of identity really shows in his clothes -- lots of neutral colors (with a hint of desaturated blue), absence of any insignias or designs that would connect him to any culture, whether Galra or Altean. These clothes in particular were inspired by Jedi ponchos and Sasuke from Naruto: The Last, and perhaps are worn while Lotor is on a desert planet for a short time! And just like with his armor as seen in the show, he has started to wear gloves to cover himself up almost completely, indicating his avoidance of vulnerability and getting close to others.

Ven'tar: for her fortunately I didn't have to change much about her character design! She is Lotor's age when they meet and the only other change I made to her was to take away her big cape so that she appears younger. Since her planet and species name is not revealed in the show, I want to come up with one myself. Caelifera is the scientific name for grasshopper, so I'm thinking I could do something with that!

11 year old Lotor: this design is also taken directly from the show, so I didn't have to do much there :P The cloak he wears in the little doodle is inspired by the one adult Lotor wears in S6E4. In this case, however, it is several sizes too big for young Lotor and drags on the ground.

Allura: sadly we don't know much about Allura's life on Altea, however in S1E9 we get to see tiny snippets of different stages throughout her life and her good relationship with her father, so I used those as references! I gave her braids, short puffy sleeves, and a slightly shorter skirt to give her that innocent little princess look, and then used the colors from her dress in the show to create a cuter and more childlike aesthetic!

If you read all of that you're the best 😆🙏 I'm definitely by no means an expert in character design and have lots more to learn, but I had a lot of fun coming up with the original designs! Especially Lotor's, but no surprise there hehe. I studied many different Galra armor and clothing featured in the show worn by Lotor, Zarkon, Honerva, and Galra commanders. More than anything I just really wanted to see Lotor wearing something different for a change 😂 and then everything else took off from there!

[lilacargent]

This is an add on to my previous idea of old weapons being redundant and everything being rays/plasma/energy based. But humans are weird little things that like hoarding weapons…

This story plays on a spaceship called the Serpentine.

Important crew:

Primoz, captain -Limoyh a four armed species-Krag, second in command (brother of Primoz)

Kit, dokter -avian, bird like, she has feathers like a swallow-

Ortez, ASR (all species resources, human resources in space) -kiltak, insectoid species, think ants but exoskeleton-

Lugea, helmsperson (does the steering) -rock like alien-

Artex, engineer/mechanic 1 -also Kiltak-

And then our humans:

Kamari, navigator -Eritrean woman- (has cat named Sidra)

Markus, weapons expert (knows how to use them and upkeep, also shields) -Swedish man-

Petrus, mechanic/engineer 2 - Italian man-

Lilly, administrator/note keeper (learns languages for fun)-english woman-

~~~~~~

Ouroboros

The mood on the Serpentine is at an all time low. Right now they were supposed to be on planet earth, getting a tour from the deathworld residents. Krag was very disappointed that the humans celebration for their 15 year tenure on the ship had to be cancelled, after all the stories he had really wanted to see the planet, at least more than the embassy or a space travel base.

Sadly this had to be put on hold, as the Counsel is at war. The big four armed alienwas looking at his brother, the captain, pacing the bridge while they slowly moved to the deserted front lines of the attack, hoping to maybe find something that gives the Unity an edge.

This had started no more than a month ago, an exploratory vessel had found a planet beyond the borders of Avian territory, on the southern side of Unity (direction is always measured from Unity as that is the point of convergence for most species and space faring) now new planets were interesting but not usually to the average person. The last message received was a voice note screaming about a wormhole in the planet the sent hundreds of ships and the ship it self failing on all fronts and shutting down.

From that day a line of dark crude ships started eating away at the Avian territory, within a week they had lost 19 colonies. Nothing is stopping them, ships that got too close shut down for no reason and were never recovered as the unstoppable line of enemy ships progressed. Weapons fired from far away did nothing as whatever beam they threw vanished when it gets close.

All that and the Unity still kept sending forces, because what else were they going to do?

So here they are, on their way to a probable death sentence with no clue about the enemy. Through his somber thoughts Krag hears laughing from the mess hall, yes, these are the moments he is extra thankful for the humans. After 15 years they were pillars in the crew, right now Lilly and Petrus were teaching the crew human “sea shanties” which were apparently doing their job of lifting spirits as the humans had explained, Lilly is writing the english words down for Kit who is learning the language in her analog book, one of her human oddities. Markus is showing some of the newer recruits the ins and outs of the weapon systems. Lastly Kamari, their leader and confidant, she has made herself indispensable to Ortez over the years. Now she was sitting in a corner listening to people pour their hearts out, giving the best advice she can.

As the ship is approaching the seemingly desolate piece of space where 23 ships float without direction or crew, hulls torn open and ransacked, the crew of the Serpentine watches in horror as there are only Unity ships, non of their enemy.

Artex and Petrus helm the out board arms in trying to get any information or remnants that are usable, when the ship shivers and stills. As the sound of something attaching to the outer hull comes through, the ships lights and computers shut down.

“DO NOT PANIC” the captain yells, “grab your weapons, and prepare for battle” as everyone prepares Markus grabs a weapon from his bag, a long gun, which Primoz recognises as an old earth weapon. “Why would you carry that?” Primoz grabs Markus’ arm, who contorts his face in one of the more terrifying human grins, one usually reserved for enemies “well we know the blasters don’t work. I thought let’s try this!” Now that the captain is looking he sees that the humans are all carrying an old weapon, Kamari seems to have a smaller version of Markus’ gun, Petrus has a sword on his hip and Lilly had several sheets with daggers strapped to her hips. Primoz turns around as Krag grabs his shoulder “if it gives them hope, let it go, what are they gonna do?”

Lugea catches their attention “something is boarding in sector three!” Immediately the armed crew members ran toward the sector, Markus directing people into an ambush formation. Blasters ready they wait.

The doors as everything else have lost power, but with a flash electricity runs through it the doors open and two tall lanky aliens skitter in (the silence from doctor who but in body armour) with voices that sound like nails on a chalk board they use the captains language “sssurendderrr, and youuu won’t ssssssufffer. Yourrr weaponsssss aree ussssseelll-“ with a swoosh Lilly’s knife flew past the ranks and embedded itself a bit in the body armour. Three blaster shots follow her knife but dissipate in mid air. Kamari’s eyes light up as she grabs her glock “looks like old does the trick!” A big bang makes the other crew members cover their ears. But the bullet hits its target, and dark yellow blood pours from a head wound.

“Thats it!” Petrus runs in and goes for a decapitation, sadly no such luck as the left over alien grabs his sword and not caring for life and limb tries to touch the human. Before he can a second loud shot rings out, Markus got a good aim.

Now there are two dead aliens but still no power. Through some investigation Kit figures out the aliens are like leeches for energy, electricity and a lot of what their stuff runs on. The ship the creatures came with is empty and sending out a signal, worried more enemy troops are coming the crew discusses. No useful ideas come up until Petrus starts speaking: “what if we make thrusters like the old ones on earth? Y’know like a fire powered one. Heck i know we have several things that are flammable in high quantities. If we put that behind the other ship we could propel ourselves away maybe find council ship? And while we are at it we could Ouroboros this ship when those leech man comeback. right Markus?" Markus gets a pensive look on his face “yea we probably could, but even if we can propel the other ship far enough how do we stop our people from trying to blow us up?’ Now Lilly speaks up ‘we can paint it? I have paints in my room, our space suit will still keep the pressure out but won’t supply oxygen. We could hold our breath.’ Rumbling Lugea intercepts ‘while i do need a little oxygen i can survive up to 58 kliks without it, i could do it?’ More and more of the crew start to speak up, Artez offers to help Petrus with the thrusters. Kit knows several flammable liquids she keeps in the med bay and has enough chemical knowledge to know what can be used as fuel so she is in on gathering the necessary ingredients. The two brothers started with decking out Lugea, and gathered several steel ropes to pull the ship in so people could get on with as little exposure as possible.

Ortez realises noone asked what ‘ouroboros’ meant and finds Kamari in a fight with Markus ‘you’re right that we’re gonna need the push if we want to get anywhere but there has to be another way?!’ The dark woman whisper shouts with a resigned look Markus grabs her flailing arm ‘we have no electricity to make a remote to do it from a distance moon, I don’t see another option.’ The fact that Markus is using Kamaris nickname and gets no scolding look makes the insectoid realise this is very serious ‘what about Lilly then? You know she won’t let you.’ Now the man looks stern ‘we dont tell her until it is too late.’ Skittering into the light Ortez speaks up ‘what exactly does ‘ouroboros’ a ship mean and why can’t you tell Lilly?’ Startled the two humans look at him, Kamari takes the word ‘ouroboros is a plan we made up for blowing the ship up, without power source. Ya know- serpentine -serpent -ouroboros is a serpent eating its own tail’ as she is speaking Ortez gets more anxious ‘okay several things 1, you made plans to blow up the ship?! 2, you just said you don’t have a remote which means you are planning on staying behind’ focussing all six eyes on Marks. Who squares his shoulders and nods.

It took two hours to get things in place, another hour to prepare and calculate the blast range.

Almost everyone has boarded the enemy ship, save for Primoz, Kamari, Krag and Markus. With tears in her eyes Kamari hugs him, Primoz grabs him by the shoulders ‘are you aure? The thrusters might be enough.’ A sad smile crosses his face ‘but it most likely won’t be captain. It was an honour serving with you.’ The three salute him while he walks to the bridge so he can see the ship and calculate when to start the chain reaction.

As the captain and his brother close the secondary doors behind Kamari, Lilly realises what has happened ‘NO,’ running for the door Petrus grabs her ‘PLEASE NO,’ as she fights and struggles the man starts whispering to her while she screams for Markus. Krag looks away towards Artez ‘start the thrusters’ now weeping Lilly cries out ‘WE LEAVE NO ONE BEHIND, we leave no one behind.’ the ships starts moving and as calculated their beautiful Serpentine blows up the shock wave propelling the now brightly coloured ship to safety.

It takes 5 hours for them to be found, after explaining the situation they are immediately transported to Unity. Where the group of humans show Lillies notes and the enemy ship. Plans are made and the human civilisation shows exactly why they are so scary when in les than a week they mass produce weapons that can hurt the newly dubbed leeches.

With the crew on the frontlines scattered over separate ships they beat back the leeches, destroying the wormhole and any stragglers are mercilessly killed off.

Humans are terrifying if you hurt them, because they never come after you alone.

~~~~~~~~~

This is technically the end of the serpentine but much room for stories in the 15 years before.

Hopefully people enjoy this.

[obitez]

Snoring

Second part of the Bean 'verse! Featuring our favorite fictional wiener dog (based on my real wiener dog)

Buck is surprised with just how loudly a little eight pound wiener dog can snore.

~~~~~~~~

Maybe it wasn’t surprising that in his thirty years of life on planet Earth, none of Buck’s previous romantic partners had snored. 

Of course Buck was well aware that it was completely possible for females to snore, just on average, less women than men snored. This didn’t mean Buck was a stranger to putting up with snoring though. Growing up his dad snored. The various hostels he stayed in over his travels had him bunking in the same room as many snorers. He shared a wall with Connor when he lived in the frat house, and that man could be heard throughout the entire house. 

And to be fair to his first boyfriend, Tommy, he didn’t snore either. At least most of the time. When he had that cold last week, his snoring was bad. It didn’t bother Buck that much though. Really, it didn’t.  

Tommy didn’t snore. Except for a sniffle or grumble here and there, he was almost silent in his sleep. 

His dog on the other hand…

Bean was a miniature dachshund. Bean weighed barely 8.4 pounds, (although you might be able to round up to 9 if he just finished eating and hadn’t pooped yet that day), Buck could pick him up with one hand and he could sit on the top of Buck’s head. Even when standing up on his hind legs, Bean barely reached up to Buck’s knee. In other words, Bean was small, tiny. 

Which all leads back to the snoring…

The first time Buck heard Bean’s snoring was the first night he had slept over at Tommy’s house, about three days after he met the dog. 

It was late when they had both gotten off-shift and met at Tommy’s place, and they just wanted to go to bed. Tommy had asked Buck if he minded if Bean slept in bed with them. 

Buck said it was okay, what was the worst that could happen, the dog was barely the size of his foot, he couldn’t take up that much space. Right? 

It turned out he was wrong. 

Dead wrong. 

Buck had very quickly fallen asleep after they got into bed, but about an hour later, he was woken up when Tommy moved in his sleep to lay on top of him. 

“Sorry,” Tommy’s voice sleepily mumbled into his ear. “Bean kept pushing me over.”

That statement woke his brain up from the half asleep fog it had been in. Bean pushed him over? What? 

They had originally gotten into bed with them each having, roughly, one half of the mattress. Bean was down by Tommy’s feet if Buck remembered correctly. 

Buck sat up just slightly enough to look around Tommy’s head and see down the half of the bed Tommy had been sleeping in. 

He didn’t see Bean, at first. But after a couple seconds of his eyes growing used to the darkness and him figuring out just what he was looking for, Buck recognized the small lumpy shape underneath the covers pressed up right next to Tommy’s leg. 

That was Bean. 

Buck slowly wiggled his arm underneath Tommy so as to not wake the man up. He tried to nudge Bean to the side, but realized in this position he didn’t exactly have the flexibility to be able to put enough force to move the eight pound dog more to the side. Buck’s head fell back down onto the pillow. 

Fine, Buck thought, if Bean wouldn’t move, Buck would just keep Tommy to himself. He wrapped his arms around Tommy’s torso and pulled the man even closer to him, Tommy’s head snuggled down in between the space created by his shoulder and ear. 

It was fine, Buck was just about to fall back to sleep when he heard something. 

“Zzzzz.”

That was strange, he thought. The sound wasn’t coming from Tommy. But-

“Zzzzzzzzzzzz.” 

It was too loud to be coming from Bean, surely. 

“Zzzzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz.”

Okay, that sound was definitely coming from Bean. But how? How could such a small dog snore so loud? 

Despite the loud snoring coming from the small dog sleeping next to his leg, Buck was eventually able to fall asleep. Upon waking up in the morning, he had almost forgotten about Bean’s snoring. Or he did actually, until later that day…

Buck and Tommy had gone to eat breakfast in the kitchen, and Buck had learned that Bean was apparently not a morning person dog. As soon as Bean came back in from Tommy’s backyard after relieving himself, he walked right past his filled food bowl to curl up into his bed. 

Buck watched him walk past, in slight shock. Didn’t they just wake up? 

“Yeah,” Tommy chuckled as he saw Buck’s gaze tracking Bean across the house. “He doesn’t like waking up in the morning. Around 10:30 or 11 he’ll probably want to go on a walk or something.” 

“You’re raising a teenager,” Buck noted to Tommy. Tommy only nodded in agreement as he started the coffee pot.

Twenty minutes later, as Buck tried and failed yet again to properly make Tommy’s coffee correctly, a snoring sound came from the living room. Buck recognized it instantly, he had heard it all last night.  

 Tommy chuckled from where he was standing across the kitchen. Buck looked over at him, an eyebrow lifted, asking a silent question: ‘What’s so funny?’ “Bean,” Tommy said, poking his head around the wall to look at the dog curled up in a little donut on his dog bed. “It’s cute, isn’t it? How his snores are so loud?”

[colorfuldonutrunaway]

Made yet another character template on a major character in the Fox and Wolf universe, Arthur!

So... I'm going to try to avoid spoiling too much on the plot twist regarding this guy, so I'll try to be as sparing as possible. Just in case...mild spoilers are under the Read More. Heavy spoilers are [REDACTED].

Name: Ar'Zurr. Means "Crystalline" in his native language.

Nicknames: Arthur is what he's called by his Earth peers. Easier to pronounce and remember.

Race: He's a dog...man. Fuck it, he's one of the ancient Dog men race that used to live on Earth. As for that thing he's hybridized with...it's important for later.

Age: 25, spawned in 1999, or whatever year the Dog men consider it under their reckoning.

Gender: Male, identifies as such.

Alignment: Neutral Good, though he'd occasionally slip into Chaotic Good territory like Fox and Wolf if the situation called for it.

Class: Arthur is a Scientist Drone/Brain Drone, meaning he is extremely intelligent, and is decently autonomous.

Perception: Very open to his senses, including...otherworldly senses.

Communication: Since all Brain Drones are made to be able to perfectly articulate and communicate their discoveries to the rest of the hive mind, they need to be born with A-tier communication skills.

Persuasion: [REDACTED]

Mediation: Has decent diplomacy skills. Will resort to violence if first attempts fail though.

Literacy: Very literate, raised on various materials on history, language, and more.

Creativity: Can solve most problems with their intellect. MOST.

Cooking: The hivemind is fed by their servants. So he never learned how to cook. Makes nice tea though.

Tech Savvy: Fantastic with manipulating machinery and mastering the advanced technology that the Dogs accepted.

Combat: Don't let his sweet looks fool you. If threatened, he will grab the nearest blunt object and beat you half to death with it, with a smile on his face.

Survival: Only taught basic survival skills on how to make it on other planets for longer than one day.

Stealth: NO.

Street Smarts: (Should've been higher honestly) Decent at identifying who's trouble, who's going to be easy to convince to do something for him, and knows street lingo...in his hometown. Off planet he's a fish out of water.

Seduction: The various drones of the [REDACTED] Hivemind can't breed, so they have no sense of seductiveness. Nor can they be seduced.

Luck: Imma be real with you, I don't ever know how to use this stat. Just skip it.

Handling Animals: Animals know that he's not a normal Dog. They don't like that. They don't like that at all.

Pacifying Children: Kids, on the other hand, don't see anything wrong him. Arthur's really sweet to innocent kids and is very patient with them.

Strength: Not super strong, not weak either.

Dexterity: Very handy and good with manipulating machinery and wires and whatnot.

Health: Pretty average.

Energy: As a hybrid of [REDACTED], he only needs water and one serving of food, and he's ready to go all day.

Beauty: Arthur's considered to be cute.

Style: While limited to only certain outfits in the hive mind, the few outfits they have access to combine efficiency with style.

Hygiene: Extremely cleanly.

Intelligence: Hyper intelligent Drone created for maximum efficiency.

Happiness: [REDACTED]

Spirituality: [REDACTED]

Confidence: Decently confident in himself and his abilities, has his doubts though.

Humor: Radiates dry British humor.

Anxiety: [REDACTED]

Patience: Very high patience, but it has its limits when dealing with idiots and those with bad intentions.

Passion: Very passionate about the [REDACTED] situation and science.

I'll add more and reblog when I do, just like the other character sheets. Sorry for the censorship, but I do have a lot of lore reveals in this character that can be saved for a better time in the future.

[peterpcrkcr]

Shy Girl | Peter Parker x Reader

Third person pov.

Requested by @z-iridest

3.4 k words. One shot. I definitely could see me writing more lol.

ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

The final bell of school was about to roll on Monday. This wasn’t your average monday. It was the day a big news story was going to break and the nerves inside Peter Parker were building up.

“Alright everybody it’s the last week of school so listen up.” Mr. Harrington said in his usual anxious drol. “We have a lot to get through as you’re going to be seniors next year. That means more training, more studying, and more mental dexterity.”

No one was listening. A quiet roar of excited young minds sharing their summer plans drowned out the nearly useless info he was producing.

“Excuse me,” he said a little louder to possibly break through the chatter. “Don’t you guys care about my plans to hold up your brain prowess over the summer?”

“If I’m being honest, no.” Flash Thompson, the alternate for the team who rarely ever came to meetings spoke up. Everyone listened. Everyone except for Peter who was enthralled in a diagram he was making to keep his thoughts in order. There was too much he needed to do by the end of the week to make sure everything was covered for a full summer of crime saving. “We’re all busy worrying about what we actually give a shit about.”

“And what would that be Mr. Thompson?” The teacher asked, though plainly uninterested.

“The massive summer kickoff pool party I’m throwing this Saturday at my mansion!” He said to many cheers and applause of favor. Flash crossed his arms and nodded his head, a smug look of accomplishment across his face.

“Now that’s fine and all but we really need to be focusing on how you guys are going to-“ Mr. Harrington started to rebuff but a knock on the open door stopped him mid sentence.

“Um, Mr. Harrington?” A woman’s voice called from the doorway.

“Yes?” He responded as all the kids turned their heads toward the door.

“I know this is incredibly last minute but we have a new student at Midtown and even though the decathlon season is over, we’d like her to join now so she can feel nice and welcome come next semester.” The administrator spoke.

“Yes, that's fine.” Mr. Harrington said, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

The female administrator closed the door, leaving the students to their chatter.

“Now- Flash don’t you think there are more important things to worry about than some party you won’t remember in 20 years?” Mr. Harrington posed to his most ruthless student.

“It’s okay Mr. Harrington, you don’t have to be sad that you were never invited to parties when you were in high school.” Flash responded to a gasp and a chuckle from the crowd.

Peter couldn’t have been more uninterested. Mind wrapped up in a web of tangled thoughts and nerves and worry. 17 years old and on top of the world. He died and was brought back after half of the planet disappeared. He made a hundred powerful friends and made the news a million times. Well, not him necessarily but he was still doing really well for himself. High grades, and life was pretty easy when Happy was in charge of him considering the man was so busy running Tony Stark's estate. A deep sadness hung over Peter though. Not only had so many great things happened, many terrible and heart wrenching things had as well. He felt a sharp heat start to prick the back of his neck.

“Im gonna go to the bathroom.” He said curtly as he stood quickly from the table to walk out of the room. He stopped just a little down the hallway, not even 20 feet from the classroom he was just in.

His breathing started to quicken. Sweat beads popped up on his forehead. His fists clenched at his sides. Maybe it was too much. He wasn’t even a legal adult and yet it was like the whole world was in his shoulders. And there didn’t seem to be single person who could possibly help lift it for him.

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Two. His shoulders relaxed. Three breaths and his fists unfurled. Four and the color returned to his face.

When he turned on his heel to head back to the room, he opened his eyes and saw a girl standing across the hall. He felt a shiver down his spine and his eyes went wide. The red returned to his face, but the color of embarrassment.

She met his gaze with wide eyes of her own. A hard pink blush bloomed over her cheeks for being caught. She had watched him leave the room and calm down. She looked down quickly.

“Been there long-?” He asked her. She nodded. “That’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed-“ she said quickly, still gazing at the floor. “I was doing the same thing.”

“What?” He asked, confused. “You were out here taking deep breaths so you didn’t freak out in front of everyone you know?”

“Not exactly.” She moved her foot to twiddle with a spare pencil on the ground. “I was taking deep breaths though.”

“Why?” Genuinely, Peter wanted to know.

“Well, I’m a new student during the last week of school and I’ve had an awkward day of being introduced to people who are already fully over the school year so they haven’t really cared about being super friendly.” She said glancing up at him.

“I care-“ Peter blurted out. She let out a soft burst of a laugh. “I mean. I care that you’re having a hard time. I’ve lived here my whole life so I don’t really have that problem, but I definitely know how you feel.”

“You do?” She asked, fully meeting his gaze.

“Yeah,” he smiled at her.

For a moment it was just the two of them standing in the hallway, looking into each others eyes. A silent understanding of emotion holding all of the space between them.

“Do you need help finding your class or something?” He offered.

“Ummm… not really. I was supposed to go into the room you came out of for another introduction but I couldn’t do it.” She looked away, at some student made poster celebrating the end of the school year. Peter looked over her with a soft gaze. She could feel his eyes tracing over her. “It was making me a little anxious.”

“Right-“ he stopped his eyes from wandering and placed a hand on the back of his neck. “Oh! You’re the new student!”

“Yeah.” She chuckled nervously. “That’s me.”

“I’m Peter.” He said offering the hand on the back of his neck to her.

She crossed the hallway and met his gaze. Peter’s eyes fluttered as her perfume filled his senses. Her skin looked soft and her hair was fluffed. Eyes a little red. Possibly from crying, he thought. When she took his hand he felt another shiver up his spine.

“I’m (y/n).” She smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” They dropped hands and immediately his hand felt cold again.

“We should probably head in.” She said ducking her head toward the classroom. Peter didn’t move his eyes from her. Something was different about her. Something gentle and soft. She reminded him of a doe. Delicate and stuck in the middle of the street. His weakness. “Peter?”

“Oh, yeah. We should.” He didn’t make a move to the room though. He couldn’t. This was the first time in months that he felt his mind quiet down.

For a silent beat they locked eyes once more. There was a tenderness to it. Sharing a moment of vulnerability with a complete stranger wasn’t common for most people, but Peter had had his fair share. This was different though, because she couldn’t see Spider-Man. She couldn’t see any of it. She only saw Peter. Midtown student and anxious student.

The bell rang, unleashing them from their gaze and the students from their rooms. As the doors flew open, endless conversations erupted into the hall, filling their warm silence.

Mr. Harrington and Flash hadn’t finished their debate about partying as they headed Peters way down the hall.

“Oh! Mr. Parker!” Mr. Harrington smiled. “You must’ve found our new student!”

“Come on now Porker, you didn’t think you could call dibs before anyone even saw her, did you?”

Flash said as he pulled Peter into a tight Noogie.

Peter shoved him with a little extra strength, making Flash clash just enough with Mr. Harrington to knock his glasses off his face. Students walking by trampled right over them. The poor broke teacher bent down and picked them up.

“It’s going to be a fun summer.” Mr. Harrington said, putting the shattered glasses back on. “See you guys Wednesday.”

With that, he was off.

“Whatever Porker.” Flash said, hurrying down the hall.

This left Peter and (y/n) alone once more. Even though it wasn’t even close to silent, when he looked at her he could only hear his own heartbeat in his ears.

“I guess that means the day’s over…” she said sheepishly.

“Y-yeah… right. Okay. Well I’ll see you Wednesday?” He asked. She nodded and started as though she would walk away. He gently pinched her elbow to stop her, which sent a shockwave from her skin to his fingertips as he did it. “Hey-“

“Y-yes?” She asked stopping close to him. So close he could feel the faintest sip of her breath on his face. She didn’t look at his eyes though. Her face was very red and he could almost hear how fast her heart was beating.

“If you need anything this week I’m here for you.” He said in earnest. When she looked into his eyes again he almost wanted to say forever, but forever was never a possibility for him.

“Th-thanks, Peter.” She said with the cutest stutter, her eyes drifting to his hand. He started to blush when he realized he was still holding her elbow. He dropped his hand and looked away. “See you around.”

“Yeah. See ya.” He said, and with that she was off.

——-

“Dude you missed Flash’s party announcement.” Peter said as he spun another web to swing on his way home from school. Ned Leeds, his best and most trusted friend, was on a video call in Peter’s mask.

“It’s not my fault my aunts came to town for the spring parade. We’re doing all the touristy stuff. I can’t tell you all the stuff I learned about the Chrysler Building today. I felt like I was in school anyway-“ Ned said making Peter grin. “Wait, since when do you care about Flash’s dumb parties? Especially after the one sophomore year?”

Peter’s eyes widened in surprised thought. Ned was right. Why did he care about the party?

“I don’t know. Other than that it was a normal day.” Peter said shaking it off

“Nah, I can tell something’s up with you. Is it about the news announcement today?” Ned asked. Peter had almost forgotten about that considering his mind was wrapped around (y/n) all day.

Peter smiled. He was glad to find out he wasn’t worrying about his usual problems. Something much more exciting had entered his life.

“Well there’s a new girl and she-“

“Dude no!” Ned said. “Leave it to you to meet someone the last week of school. I’ve been single since Betty and I broke up. Wait until college, dude. That’s where the babes will be.”

Peter laughed and shook his head as he dropped in the alley by his apartment for one. 17 and living alone. He could handle it but he had never been lonelier in his life.

“You wanna come over and play COD?” He asked as he threw his backpack in his apartment window.

“Nah, I can’t. My aunties want to go to that cafe where people scream Broadway music at you while you eat.” Ned said smacking his tongue on the top of his mouth.

“Don’t have too much fun.” Peter said jokingly.

“Oh I won’t.” Ned said making Peter chuckle to himself. “I’ll be at school tomorrow morning but I’m leaving at lunch to go see a matinee of Bye Bye Birdie.”

“On a Tuesday?” Peter asked.

“It’s a seniors only showing.” Ned responded. “With the alternate cast.”

“Good luck with that.” Peter said.

“Thanks. Honestly I think I need it more than you right now.”

“Catch ya later.” Peter said. Ned threw up a peace sign and the call was over.

Peter was about to climb inside when his spider senses started going off. Something was wrong.

He closed his window and took off out of the alley. He followed the hairs on his arms toward the feeling. He started to hear the commotion as he moved to the end of the street.

Two men were cornering a young woman by some bodega dumpsters.

“I don’t have anything-“ she said with a teary, terrified voice. “Please, just go!”

“Not gonna happen little lady.” One of the thugs said, rolling up his sleeve.

“Yeah, I see that gold watch you’re wearing. And it ain’t a fake.” The second moron said as they both moved closer to her. Her back was flush against the dumpster and Peter didn’t really have a good view of the situation. No time to waste.

He shot a web at the second thug and threw him hard against the wall of the electronics sales shop next door. (Y/n) screamed in shock.

The second thug turned and started barreling toward Peter, but Peter was faster. He threw one web at his feet, encasing them together. The thug fell flat on his face, but reached quickly into his pocket for a knife.

Peter dodged it, and as it flew by his face he shot a web and the thugs back and whipped him up and into the dumpster, hard.

At this point a small crowd had gathered to watch the spectacle. The local, and world, hero had saved another citizen of New York.

He took a step toward the girl and stopped. He recognized her. (Y/n). She was crying. Shaking. Eyes wide in fear. When he stepped toward her again she tensed up and stepped even more flush against the dumpster.

“Don’t be scared.” He said reaching a hand out. She eyed him. “I’m Spider-Man.”

She didn’t speak. Didn’t move. Fear locked her up. The doe in headlights. He wanted to rip his mask off and laugh and say “haha me again!” But he wouldn’t risk that secrets weight atop her head.

“You don’t have to be afraid.” He said softly, his hand still out-stretched. She looked at his hand and relaxed her shoulders. “You can trust me.”

“You just knocked two guys out cold in like a minute. I don’t know what you could do to me.” She said with a choked voice.

“I just saved you-“ he said surprised.

“Thank you for that, I’m just taken back. You… you really hurt them.” She looked at the man still unconscious on the ground by her feet. “He’s bleeding.”

“Yeah! I’m bleeding too!” The thug in the dumpster chimed in. Peter shook head head.

This wasn’t right. He just saved her. He just took two criminals off the map. She didn’t owe him anything, of course, but this was new.

“You’re sorry for the thugs?” He asked, dropping his hand to his side.

“Well, no…” she said, looking away. “Actually yes? Kind of? They’re still people, Spider-Man.”

“Yeah, bad people.” He said plainly.

The crowd watching were chatting amongst themselves and Peter knew he had to head out soon before the police came to investigate. And before the news bulletin came out.

“IN TODAYS NEWS!” A voice bellowed from one of the television at the electronic store. He felt every hair on his body stand straight.

“We need to go.” He said to her urging her gently with his hand stretched out to her once again. She shook her head.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” She said matter of factly.

“SPIDER-MAN IS ANNOUNCED AS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE AVENGERS!” The voice bellowed. The crowd standing nearby started cheering. Clapping. And closing in on Peter and (Y/n).

“You’re an avenger?” She asked, marbled eyes looking into the animated eyes of his mask. He nodded.

“Yes, now let’s go.” He said stepping toward her. The crowd moved closer to them both.

“I said im not going with y-“ she didn’t have time to finish her sentence before he webbed her hip and pulled her into his side.

Up up and away to the heights of the skyscrapers and away from the investigative crowd of adoring fans.

“What the hell!” She exclaimed as her leftover tears flew from her face as they swung through town. “PUT ME DOOOOOWN!!”

She screamed into his ear, making his grip on a web falter just a little. She gripped him tighter and as he felt her body press against his, he felt an odd mix of emotions. Annoyance for the fact that she wasn’t very happy to be near him, but solace in the fact that she didn’t know it was Peter.

But if she did? If she could know he’d just saved her life would she still have those tender eyes for him in the hallway? Would she even look at him again?

“I’ve got you.” He said in a tone so soft she felt her breath relax in her chest. “Relax.”

“How!?! I’m like 100 feet high!” She asked.

“More like 500.” He said, which made her hold him tighter. He could definitely feel her racing heart against him. ��I won’t drop you.”

“You can’t tell me that!” Her eyes were closed. Closed since she lifted off of the ground.

“Feel the wind, (y/n).” She opened her eyes to stare at the masked crusader. “Enjoy the moment.”

She then felt her entire body take a deep breath. She could feel the wind on her face. The push and pull of his swinging motions. The leap of gravity as they played between the earth and the sky. She started to look around and she started to laugh.

Peter had never heard a more gleeful sound in his entire life.

“Woohoo!!” She yelled as they swung through the burough. “This is awesome!”

Peter watched where he was going most of all, but when he knew the next placement of his web, he watched her. Watched the fear fly away with the wind in her hair. He grinned at every yelp she made, every cheer. Her eyes were shining and sparkling in the light of the evening sun.

When they reached their destination, which was just around the corner from the high school, he set her down. Her legs were like jelly as she took a step. He caught her softly in his arms before she stumbled forward. This time she wasn’t afraid of his touch. She leaned into him. He could tell she could feel his warmth. His body. She wrapped her arms around him and held him. He didn’t know what to do for a second but when he wrapped his arms around her, it was like a glow covered them in their embrace.

Peter couldn’t tell if it had been a minute or ten that she held him. And she was really holding him.

“Thank you for saving me.” (Y/n) said as she pulled out of the hug. She put a large step between them. Brushed a piece of hair behind her head, and looked at the ground by his feet. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah…” Peter said dreamily. Until he realized who he was at the moment. He straightened up and started to chuckle with a hand on the back of his neck. “Well citizen, I’ll leave you to your day.”

“Right…” she started as though to walk away but turned quickly back to him. He tensed before she stopped right in front of him and kissed him on his clothed cheek. “Thanks again, Spider-Man.”

“Oh yeah. Yeah. Don’t mention it. Haha…” he had never been more thankful for his mask in his life as he knew he had probably never had his face this red before. “Bye.”

“Bye.” She said, pulling out her phone to make a call. Probably to her parents. Or a taxi. Or the cops.

All Peter knew were the butterflies in his stomach and how he couldn’t wait until Wednesday to see (y/n) again. He was going to ask if she wanted to go to Flash’s party with her. And he hoped more than anything that she would say yes.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Red Skull

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

It seems today that all you see is Nazis in the White House and Nazis on TV. But where are those good old fascist villains on which we used to rely?

Well, here you go.

Johann Schmidt AKA Red Skull is the mortal nemesis of Captain America, the right-hand man of Hitler, and the head of HYDRA. Schmidt is actually the second man to take on the Red Skull moniker, but he's the most famous and the one who you probably think of when you hear "Red Skull." He's certainly notable enough to get revived by HYDRA in the 60s, at any rate.

Now, Marvel comics is no stranger to Nazi supervillains--you can't spit in any direction without hitting one between all the Struckers and Zolas and Zemos--but the one the average person will know best is Skull, likely because of his striking design and just the sheer coolness of an evil Nazi skeleton duking it out with Captain America. But I think that just saying his looks is why he's such an iconic and memorable villain is a shallow way to look at it; no, Red Skull is iconic because he is one of the nastiest motherfuckers in comic history.

Motivation/Goals: He's a Nazi terrorist. What the fuck do you think his goals are? What you see is what you get with Schmidt.

Performance: Red Skull has appeared quite a few times in films and shows, and he rarely has a bad performance given to him.

Perhaps the most notable portrayal was by Hugo Weaving in the underrated MCU pulp action film The First Avenger. While Weaving reportedly didn’t really give a shit about the character at the time (something he eventually changed his tune on), you wouldn’t believe it with how hammy and over-the-top he goes. He delivers the sort of sneering, menacing performance you’d want from Cap’s mortal nemesis.

In the 90s film, he was portrayed by Scott Paulin, and while he’s certainly no Weaving he manages to be chilling and menacing despite being out of the red makeup for a vast majority of his screentime. He also drops the rawest villain one-liner ever right before the final battle, so I can’t hate his performance.

Final Fate: Red Skull sure does fucking die a lot, huh? He’s one of those villains, one of the ones who die and come back and die and come back and die and come back and so on. No idea why Jean Grey gets the bad reputation when dudes like Johan here die every second Sunday and pop up next quarter to boost comic sales. Here's one of his deaths you might be familiar with, since it gets posted out of context a lot because of how hard it goes:

Unfortunately, since comics are bullshit, this awesome killing is kind of soiled by what happens immediately after, but that’s a conversation for another day.

As for the movies, MCU!Red Skull ends up getting blasted to the planet Vormir after misusing the Cosmic Cube, where he is eternally forced to stand guard over one of the Infinity Stones. It seems like he gets off easy, but he can never leave and, because no one loves him, he has no way of acquiring the stone he’s guarding. So he’s forever unable to achieve any of his goals even though the thing that could most help him do it is right fucking there. Plus, considering the ending of Endgame, there’s a bit of an implication Steve might’ve whooped his ass on his time travel journey.

In the 90s film, he’s simply given a classic Disney villain death, where he tumbles off the side of his fortress. It is genuinely hilarious how the camera holds on his body tumbling down the cliff face into the sea, I love it.

Evilness: This comic panel, which you have probably seen a thousand times before, really says it all:

When the fucking Joker thinks you’re too evil, you’re not anything less than a 10/10. And Skull is 100% irredeemably vile, so it's no exaggeration on the part of Joker; you could easily make a top 50 list of the most vile things this guy has done, from his slaughter of innocents to his friendship with Hitler to the treatment of his own daughter. Oh, and this is how he talks about Wanda:

Though Mr. J is a tad hypocritical considering the sort of women I’ve seen him hanging out with…

Best Scene: We’ve already gone over the time Magneto fucked him up and that time the Joker tried to kill him for being too evil even for him, so let’s highlight a moment from the criminally underrated The First Avenger where he lets Zola have the keys to his cool car to escape the exploding factory. Genuinely all his interactions with Zola are great as he seems to actually like/respect him, but this one takes the cake.

As far as comics though, I do like this bit where he calls Magneto out on his rank hypocrisy:

This moment had to be a catalyst in Magneto turning good, because if Super Hitler pointed out that I was like him and he actually wasn't even slightly wrong, I'd probably rethink my whole life.

But hey, let's show Magneto getting one over on him again:

Here's some more context for this particular moment!

Best Quote: In the 90s film, Cap refutes Red Skull’s dismissal of him as “a clownish symbol that no one cares about” with a simple “I care.” And how does Skull respond to this incredibly badass yet simple rebuttal? With one of the rawest lines in cinematic history:

“You care? Then come to me, my brother. Let us see if this heart of yours is stronger than my hate.”

Say what you will about any of the changes made to the character in the movie, but that line feels like a perfect summation of the two characters’ dynamic across their history. It is always a clash between Cap and his love for his fellow man and Skull’s seething hatred and contempt for humanity, and the fact that this silly film gets that and manages to hit the nail on the head speaks volumes.

Final Thoughts & Score: Red Skull is one of those villains where it’s only possible for him to do one or two things, but he really excels at them. Like, Red Skull is a Nazi. There is no getting around this. So whenever he shows up in a story he has to be somewhere on the evil scale. The question then becomes “How evil will he be this time?” and that can be plenty of fun. He’s not a particularly deep villain no matter the incarnation, but he’s a villain that it’s fun to hate and watch get fucked up.

It’s kind of interesting how people joke about how he’s a character that would be impossible to put in games like Marvel Rivals in this day and age. Like yeah, he is a Nazi and all, but he’s kind of a Saturday morning cartoon caricature of a Nazi most of the time. There’s no need to tone down how evil he is when you can just tone down how openly Nazi he is, y’know? The MCU did that just fine by having him be so evil he wanted to overthrow Hitler.

Red Skull is just one of the all-time great comic villains, and definitely the most iconic foe of Cap. When Cap isn’t able to punch Hitler, be it because WWII is long over or because Hatemonger isn’t available, Skull is the next best beatdown target. In a broad sense across all of his appearances I’d say he’s a 9/10, with his film and cartoon incarnations being around 8-8.5/10. This is mostly because they really water him down and don’t let him get nearly as vile as he should be, but it is pretty telling that even if they slightly soften him he’s still an awesomely despicable bastard.

[finedinereception]

Why is Sirius on your brain SO much?

Explain in Mario terms

make my brain go -flag pole noise-

haha okay but actually here we go. this is disorganized and more me vomiting my thoughts out and making you look at him but yknow.

the black hole server: the most soul sucking and messed up place to live since america

thanks for the insightful commentary, buddy

so sirius lives the life of the average True Gamer, in a dark hole full of anime figurines and merchandise or whatever. he likes adding to that collection and then fucking around with it because bloodsport really never died to him. who cares what ign had to say.

unfortunately, like all gamers, his home is not hospitable to most life.

weaker em beings apparently “enervate and die” within the server. thats delightfully fucked up, and honestly, a vast empty, dark, cold space that sucks the life out of pretty much everything around it and is only truly habitable to one lifeform is an insanely cool idea that i always love.

uh…. roche limit????

obviously, with such an unfriendly gamer den, sirius himself does not get a lot of company.

we’ll come back to this next section.

but basically the black hole server is a really cool idea and location that really serves to emphasize what an outside-context issue sirius is. he feels very “other” in this world, in part thanks to where hes made his home.

with friends like these, who needs mega man?

sirius has some… interesting ideas about what is good and reasonable for people. or what constitutes a healthy platonic relationship. actually just relationships in general.

i think its interesting he jumped straight to this with mega man, when he also harbored apollo flame, who was pretty damn open about his intentions to eventually usurp and subjugate sirius

WHICH SIRIUS WAS AWARE OF BTW

apollo flame! oh, you, always on about taking over the universe!

this is weird to say, with what we know about sirius in general and his personality (which we’ll be getting to soon) but… theres this pervasive sense that he views the Rs as a mix between pawns and, like, his perverse version of “friends”

the use of “our” here is interesting, along with the implication that sirius shares more information with them than he actually needs to

and the fact that sirius has the tendency to start talking to himself in the middle of a conversation…

and the fact that he enforces a friendly relationship between those who dont get along…

theres just a weird sense of sirius “playing” with dynamics, and while its certainly useful to him, its easy to imagine a hint of curiousity in there. the exploration of one of the only things that cant be taken by force.

of course you have blue skin and pronouns

look at him. look at him. hes based on a squid. hes got that squid drip. i think sirius would be into deep sea life. im choosing to view this as an in-character choice. he likes squid now, okay?

also. he canonically sparkles. LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT THIS SPARKLING SQUID TWINK. GOD. HE MAKES ME INSANE.

i also dont know where else to mention this, but hey what was up with mu metal. is he tied to mu. what was that about lmao. bro got pica.

he has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces

he is so fucking stupid😭

the main, and final, thing i want to bring up is his extreme case of blue and orange morality. because being rude is worse than destroying a planet to him.

from here on out ill be using direct quotes since i actually have access to these and writing and ive hit image limit. what can i say theres so much i want you to look at.

Sirius: ... I don't need that rude EM being for my collection. 

and

Sirius: I was hoping to enjoy watching everyone on the planet panic for a bit... But I suppose destroying it outright would be fun too. 

back to back is an interesting display of standards. but id go further and argue that… sirius doesnt really act with malice.

MegaMan: Peoples lives... Planets... They aren't toys for you to play with. Have you even considered the pain you are putting all those people down there though? Sirius: Everything here will cease to exist. A black hole has no need for such things as emotions. You should... be happy. You will live forever within the darkness. You will be mine. MegaMan: I wouldn't call that living! I'd rather not exist! Sirius: ...I see. Do you think that you might change your mind? Stopping you without causing you any injury would be a bit of a nuisance to me. It will be hard for us to play together with you injured.

and you could argue that this is an attempt at persuasion… except that sirius doesnt really need that. hes pretty confident in his ability to win a fight, so id argue this is genuinely just how he thinks. his fascination with destroying things is processed not with malicious intent but the same perverse curiosity that drives a child to pour water on an ant hill.

mean spirited? yeah, but its all in good fun to him.

hes the living version of all those jokes about a person who never talks to other people or goes outside or anything. hes had his own little bubble to develop the most deranged moral compass and interal narrative of all time.

tl;dr - ITS HARD TO NOT THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT

[whistleloves]

HONKAI IMPACT MATCHUP FOR MY DEAREST, @drxgonspine

(I’m putting all this here because if I write this in an ask I’m gonna probably fuck it up.)

SMART PEOPLE:

Dan Heng

Romantic

Dan Heng is that really quiet guy in the back of your history class who always does exceptionally well on every test. If you were to peak over his shoulder and look into his notebook, everything would be color coded and catalogued with the skill of someone far older than he appears. He’s smart as all get out and would much rather spend his time adding to the Data bank than trifling with silly matters. He fits the bill of an incredibly smart individual decently well, and his stoic demeanor eerily remind me of Albedo at times. He’s certainly not above teasing though, and will sometimes make a remark towards those he considers a good friend. I could see you two discussing whatever topics you’re currently enthralled in with each other. He would listen to you prattle on about chemistry will diligently writing down any information that’s new to him.

Aventurine

Platonic

Aventurine is a peculiar man with a dashing sense of style and an incredibly self destructive nature. He’s quick to bet with his life and it usually works out for him. He’s blessed with a mysterious string of luck, and a horrific life. He’s a peacock incarnate and truly shows with how he carries himself. Though he may at first seem like an arrogant, self serving, conniving individual, he harbors just as much fear as anyone else. I can see a relationship with him being either romantic and platonic, though I’m leaning more platonic. Having his favor would likely mean he’d lavish you greatly with anything he could provide. He knows poverty, and he doesn’t seem to have any intention of experiencing it again. He’s witty, sarcastic, and would easily keep up with any banter you throw at him. Though of course, he’s lost so much that was dear to him, he’d be incredibly protective. As a friend (a true one at least, sometimes he says friend and means pawn.) he would cherish the bond deeply. Though he wouldn’t dare let you too close at first, he might slowly open up. This man is sneaky and strategic, and his boss fight killed my husband a few times before I did actually beat him. So I’m mad at his ass rn >:(

Kafka

Romantic

Kafka is the kind of woman who would tell you to sit down and a whole legion of people would salute and oblige. She is honestly terrifying, and off the charts smart. The way she speaks makes even ME, one of the straightest women on the planet, think “Mommy?” Her plans extend far past what the average mind can conceive, but she somehow carries herself with a sense of humor. She balances out the severity of her actions and words with a strange lack of seriousness at times. She would let you vent to her about a bad day and by the need you’d feel leagues better than before, and she’d give you some great advice to boot. She too can keep up with witty banter easily, though she may just surpass you a bit too easily. She scares me quite frankly.

THE DUMB PERSON:

Sampo Koski

Romantic/Platonic

Sampo is kinda just Sampo honestly. There’s not too much behind that goofy demeanor but a lot of well meaning scheming. He’s never an antagonist, but he certainly isn’t the most morally correct all the time. He’s goofy, well meaning, and a bit slippery. He probably gives fantastic hugs while mumbling about whatever shenanigans he got up to that day specifically.