#he punched a kid cause they where being homophobic

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i feel so high school (au) pt. 5.B: pierresteban

anyway here are some high school aus for my fav f1 rpf ships and an exploration of who knows how to ball, and who knows aristotle

(pierresteban continued)

and that should've been the end, but it wasn't. because while middle school (gr 6-8) was a lot of cold shouldering and wistful/bitter looks across the hallway high school is where it got mean. esteban was finding it more and more difficult to stay under the radar, especially since everyone was at the age to really be questioning each other's sexuality. so now it's not just the sexist comments it's the homophobic slurs/accusations too, and it wasn't like he had an easy time making friends in the first place but now he literally can't because people associate him with that danger of earning the negative attention too. and every single time he goes to the studio (he has to either walk or take the bus for nearly two hours) he thinks this is the last time, i need to be normal i need to stop being a freak. and then the music turns on and he completely loses himself and loses the pain and the stigma and he just can't bring himself to let it go. it's the only thing that makes him happy.

he could drag pierre down with him. he almost did. he's threatened to multiple times. but as many stories as esteban has about young ballerina pierre, pierre has 1000x worse and he's got pictures. cause yes when esteban was a kid he tried on the girl's costume for a couple recitals and even though that was way back when he was too young for him to really understand and the adults all figured it was a phase and they could let kids be kids, the risk of what the bullies would do to him if they found that out is too great. so pierre gets away with his behavior.

and esteban's trying to keep pushing, keep his head down, not hit back when he gets shoved in the hallways (he's less good at that, but the school knows how bad it'll look on them if they try to punish him for it).

and then something happens in pierre's life, some family tragedy (i am absolutely not basing this off any event in the real person pierre gasly's life because that's too far even for rpf) so in a similar way to when i wrote galex i'm just going to leave it as some sort of traumatic loss. he doesn't talk about it, doesn't let anyone in, he misses two months of school and nobody knows why. when he comes back he's a broken, hollow shell of himself with shadows under his eyes and too-long hair, he bites his nails and he barely talks and he's lost almost thirty pounds. some of his friends from before make halfhearted attempts to reconnect, but they're shallow and living in the fast lane and emotions make them uncomfortable so they give up on him quickly. pierre lets them go. let's say esteban knows something about pierre's family/home life and he has an idea of what happened, he's the only one in the whole school who might and he's starting to feel pity despite his every instinct and he's more than a little scared but he knows that trying to approach pierre is a stupid idea so he waits in limbo.

and then pierre shows up to a night class.

it's an advanced technique class, less than 10 people, and one you have to make an audition tape for to even be considered. if esteban's right and pierre hasn't danced in years, there's no way he should've been able to get in. but there he is. he doesn't seem surprised to see esteban there, and he doesn't approach. esteban is too shocked stupid to say anything the first class, he just watches pierre step onto the floor and dance with absolute awe like he's watching a fallen god come to life. and he's overwhelmed with memories and echoes of the heartbreak he swore he'd left behind and confusion and anger at pierre and anger at himself and he leaves that class early and punches the wall in his room as soon as he gets home because he has no idea what emotions to feel let alone how to contain him. because everything he hadn't even understood as a kid everything he promised was gone is back.

weeks go by and pierre doesn't drop out of the class. he and esteban are still some of the only guys in the studio and definitely the only two from their school. they pretend not to acknowledge it like they're each daring the other to say something and then one night the teacher has them do partners. and because there's an odd number of people in the class esteban tries to sit out but one of the girls is struggling with the routine and because pierre and esteban are both really good at it– and the strongest in the group– the teacher has them demo on each other.

cue the most intense, terrifying, lust-filled, hate-fueld, what the fuck are we doing you're supposed to hate me/i do hate you/why are you looking at me like that why are you treating me like glass why does this feel like we've done it a million times like we've never left each other and after the music ends and they're supposed to step apart they don't, holding the pose and panting and overwhelmed by each other's body heat until the teacher literally has to clear her throat and it gets awkward immediately and they break eye contact and finally jump apart like they've been shocked. but something's happened and there's no fucking way either of them can ignore it now.

WHY DID THIS GET SO LONG HOLY SHIT okay to be continued

[beardedmrbean]

GLOUCESTER, Mass. (AP) — A transgender teenager from Massachusetts is recovering after allegedly being punched, kicked and stomped upon by other high schoolers at a party.

Sixteen-year-old Jayden Tkaczyk said he was at an outdoor party Friday night in Gloucester when as many as a dozen teenagers attacked him and called him homophobic slurs. They chased Tkaczyk into the woods, where police found him. He said he was taken to a local hospital and treated for his injuries, including a broken bone under his right eye and scratches and bruises on his body.

“I was scared, but I thought to myself that if I escape and I get out, that things will eventually get better,” Tkaczyk told The Associated Press. “As I was getting hit, it was terrifying. I thought I was going to die, but I tried to keep a positive mindset.”

Tkaczyk's mother, Jasmine, said she was terrified when she got the call that her son was in the hospital.

“This was my worst fear for Jayden. This is been my biggest fear for him as a mom of a transgender kid,” she said of him being assaulted. “Getting that phone call was one of the most terrifying things to experience. Having to go to the hospital to see him in that condition. When I got that call, I was just praying that he was alive.”

The Office of the Essex County District Attorney said it was “aware of the serious allegations" and was working with the Gloucester Police Department on what it called “this active and ongoing investigation involving juvenile parties.”

It would not comment further, including whether anyone has been arrested.

Tkaczyk, who said he has been scared to leave his house since the attack, said he hopes the teens are held accountable.

“No one has been arrested. No one has been charged, and nothing has happened to the kids that caused this,” he said. “If people or if the city wants to make this city better, then they should start taking action to help their community be safer.”

Massachusetts Attorney General Andrea Campbell said MassEquality, an LGBTQ+ rights and advocacy group, has been in touch with the family and that they and others have reached out to her civil rights division and children’s justice unit.

Campbell said her office is actively following up on the complaint.

“What we’ve heard is horrific to say the least, but like any investigation we do it thoughtfully, we do it in partnership with community and constituents, and that won’t change here,” she said. “So we’ll do what we can to investigate this quickly and thoroughly.”

Tkaczyk, who goes to a vocational school, said he has long been bullied because he is transgender, including being forced off the Gloucester High School football team. He said the district in the past has done nothing to address his complaints about bullying but he hopes that changes now.

“Bullying reports have been stacked up and stacked up and stacked up on kids bullying me not just mentally but physically,” Tkaczyk said. “Over 11 years, I’ve been getting bullied. ... It’s been a terrible and hard struggle for me, and I don’t open up to anybody about how really bad it is.”

Gloucester Public Schools Superintendent Ben Lummis, at a press conference Tuesday, said the district is taking the allegations seriously. But the district did not respond to a request for comment on Wednesday.

James Cook, the principal of Gloucester High School, sent a letter Tuesday to the school community advising them of the weekend attack and advising children “struggling with news of this incident” or anyone who “feels unsafe for any reason” to seek out a school staff member.

“Creating a safe and inclusive environment that supports all of our students, staff, and families is our number one priority,” Cook wrote. “Although this is a difficult message to send the night before our first day, I have confidence that our staff will come together to welcome all students back to GHS.”

[libraryofgage]

I know it's not the WIP Wednesday yet, but it is my birthday, so I'm gonna share the complete first chapter of Modern Steve in 80s Hawkins for your reading pleasure lmao:

"Now, Steve, you know we support you. Your father and I didn't bat an eye when you came out, and we look forward to meeting whichever nice young boy or girl you bring home. But, dear, violence is never the answer."

The words go in one ear and right out the other as Steve watches buildings rush by outside the window. He’d slip on the headphones around his neck, but Steve knows he at least owes his parents the courtesy of naked ears after they bailed him out. Really, he just wants to take a shower and change into clean clothes after spending a night in jail surrounded by equally sweaty and beat up parade-goers. Don’t get him wrong; the people were great, but the smell was atrocious. He lets his head fall against the window, eyes shutting as he breathes through a bruised rib, split lip, and swollen eye. 

"Steve, are you listening to your mother?"

"Yeah, violence bad," he mumbles, just loud enough to be heard in the otherwise silent car. At this point, he’d even prefer the stadium country that usually plays when his dad drives. 

He wishes he were back in the jail cell, swapping stories with the others who got arrested for fighting homophobic protestors, who started it, by the way. He knows his parents are disappointed in him for fighting (and, even worse, getting caught and potentially causing An Incident for them), but he felt genuinely happy sitting on the concerningly sticky floor in that cell. Even if he could go back to yesterday, he wouldn't change a damn thing after seeing three poor kids surrounded by people shouting the most vile things. 

They had looked terrified, tears crowding in their eyes as they clutched at each other, and Steve had seen red. It was a fucking pride parade, a place where kids should feel comfortable being themselves and seeing themselves in the smiling, laughing faces of strangers whose mere existence proves they’re not alone and they’ll survive. But they were being harassed by people with nothing better to do than let hate shrivel their hearts.

Steve, thankfully, hadn’t been the only one who’d seen red. He’d locked eyes with someone who had top surgery scars and a sash across their chest that read “Queer” in sparkling, rainbow letters. Next to them was a shorter woman with close-cropped hair and a flannel shirt (how she wasn’t dying in the heat, Steve will never know) with a white t-shirt underneath that had “Resting Butch Face" emblazoned across the front. The three of them had shared a nod and marched over to the kids.

He later learned that the person wearing the sash was named Daze (“They/them pronouns, unless it’s comedically appropriate to use something else,” they’d said in the jail cell, winking playfully at Steve). The butch went by Mar; she’d excitedly told Steve in the jail cell how her girlfriend would bust her out only to laugh her ass off when said girlfriend was shoved in by two cops not a second later.

What had followed the nod was Mar and Steve standing in front of the kids, creating an unmoving shield while Daze quickly gathered them close. They smiled at the three, quietly complimenting one’s rainbow hair ribbon while Steve tried to be the voice of reason (he shouldn’t have bothered, but he’s still got a little optimism inside).

The first punch was thrown by the ringleader of the protestors after Mar not-so-subtly implied that maybe he’d rather be partying with them and getting his tongue down some cute twink’s throat instead of holding signs and shouting. She’d taken the punch like a champ, and Steve’s grin mirrored hers when the wonderful, incredible term “self-defense” suddenly became applicable. 

Daze had gotten the kids out of there, keeping them calm even as more people joined in the fight, turning the little skirmish into an all out brawl. It had lasted five glorious minutes before cops finally broke it up, forcing protestors and pride-goers into cars together in zip ties. They had realized that was a bad idea when a drag queen headbutted a protestor for what he called her.

After a night in jail, bonding with his cellmates and writing down numbers with some femme’s spare lipstick on the back of a flier from an AT&T booth, his parents had arrived to bail him out. Steve had taken one look at them, at their business clothes and designer watches and worried, beyond confused expressions, and almost said he’d rather just stay behind bars for now. 

Instead, he convinced his parents to post bail for a few of his new friends, waved off their gratitude (they’d been through battle together, after all), and followed his parents out to the car after a few hugs and promises to make a group chat so they could hang out later. 

“You’re just lucky no charges were filed,” his father says, pulling Steve from his thoughts. 

He sighs, slumping down in his seat. A few seconds pass before Steve admits, “I’d do it again.��� It’s the truth; he wouldn’t fucking hesitate to throw himself into the fray again. He doesn’t even know those kids’ names, but he knows they deserve more than being afraid of who they are and the monsters that masquerade in human skin around them. 

His parents glance at each other, a thousand words spoken in the brief moment of eye contact. “Steve, are you…okay?” his mother asks, her words hesitant. “I mean, you can tell us anything, dear, and we’ll do anything to make you feel better.”

Steve bites his tongue, refusing to ask how they’d manage that when they’re barely fucking home in the first place. They have a whole multi-million dollar company to run, so he gets it. They have to travel a lot, and they used to bring him along until just dropping him in Indianapolis sophomore year of high school (right after coming out to them, which he understood but was still hurt by) to have a “more grounded high school experience." Somehow worst of all, they try to make up for it with extravagant gifts and awkward conversations about whether he’s still gay or if he’s decided to be straight for the day.

They’ve yet to fully understand the concept of bisexuality, but this is far better than being kicked out of his home.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Steve says. Because he is. He’s just…tired. 

He’s tired of feeling alone in Indianapolis despite being surrounded by people. He had tried making friends, but everyone is so fucking awkward in 10th grade anyway, and the best Steve could do was embrace the “new rich kid” persona people created for him. He’d soon gained the nickname King Steve, which had only worked to make him feel like he’d somehow done something wrong in living up to their expectations. The closest he’s gotten to feeling like himself, to feeling accepted and embraced, was in that fucking jail cell.

Even worse, Steve is tired of this ache that tugs at the base of his spine and the pit of his heart like he’d find something that’s missing if only he’d just follow the pull. 

He doesn’t know how to explain any of that, though, so Steve just sighs again and says, “Maybe…maybe I could do with some down time. Like, a gap year before college or something. I think I just need some time to figure myself out a little more and decide what I want to do with my life before jumping right back into school. Does…does that make sense?”

“Yeah, Steve, it makes a lot of sense,” his father says, flashing him a tiny smile through the rearview mirror. “So, where do you want to go? Hawaii? Miami? Venice is nice this time of year.”

Steve can’t help a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Nah, nothing like that. I think small town vibes are more what I’m going for here.”

His father just hums quietly, sharing another one of those looks with Steve’s mom. He misses this one, but he’d probably be suspicious of them if he hadn’t. He would have known immediately that they were about to do something absolutely ridiculous but well-meaning but so clearly telling of their ignorance when it comes to how people who aren’t wealthy approach problems.

But he doesn’t see, so he doesn’t know.

And when he looks back on this moment a few months later, after the absolute ride of his fucking life, Steve will think it’s a good thing he didn’t notice. If he had, he’d have said something, and then he’d have missed out on all the fun.

[cosmicjoke]

no cause anon seriously has issues and needs to step back a little and think about their actions💀 because doing all of this and harassing so many people all over FICTION, PIXELS!!! is literally so embarrassing but also concerning like😭 anon, you call every levi stan or levi x reader/oc shipper delusional, but what are you? aren’t you also delusional? literally look at all the asks you sent and think to yourself if this is what a person that is not delusional acts like💀 just fucking enjoy your ship in peace for fuck’s sake, no one that you harassed hates eruri and if you took your time to actually read and comprehend what these people told you, you would see how stupid you are because you are literally attacking people that explicitly told you they LIKE eruri😭😭 being aware that a ship doesn’t exist in canon does not make these people homophobes? isayama had all the time in the world to confirm any levi ship, the manga ended in like what, 2021? he could’ve easily added an extra scene in the final episode too, like he did the levi one with the kids, where levi’s focus was only on erwin and erwin alone or them having a final last scene, but he did not bc that’s not what levi’s story is about😭

i am sorry that you and everyone else keep getting these asks but this anon really pisses me off💀 they need to live in the real world more and see actual homophobia, not shipping a fictional queer ship does not make you homophobic. and also, anon, you should check on your internalized misogyny a little bit because you hate levi self-shippers because… most of them are women? i don’t have any other explanation for your deep hatred for self-shipping💀

the audacity of this person is insane😭😭

They're living in a world of delusion. It truly is pathetic. That's all they have. To say we're all homophobes, because they have no actual arguments to support the notion that Levi is gay, or loves Erwin, or whatever. It's school yard tactics. A half-witted child could come up with something more creative. Like you said, everyone they're attacking actually LIKES eruri, reads eruri fanfic, draws eruri fan art, etc, etc... But it's not canon. Apparently acknowledging actual canon makes one a raging bigot.

But as you also point out, the real bigot is them. They hate women, apparently. Why else would it give them such a rage boner, every time anyone ships Levi with themselves? Why is that so awful? They accuse self-shippers of being delusional, but no self-shipper I've ever spoken with has ever proclaimed their fantasy to be canon, unlike them, who can't accept the reality of eruri not being an actual thing within the story, even as that reality punches them repeatedly in the face.

[agoosewithinternet]

Ace attorney owl house au:

Characters:

Phoenix- 16 years old, Human. Stuck in boiling ilies but trying to get home. Attending HexSide and is in the bard and potion tracks. Can only do magic with glyphs though.

Phoenix uniform:

Mia- 28 years old, Witch. Older sister/guardian of Maya and mentor to Phoenix. Just to be in the emperor's coven but left after her mom was killed.

Maya-15 years old,Witch. Younger sister of Mia. Trying to help Phoenix get home. Attending Hexside in Plant and Abomination tracks.

Maya’s uniform:

Pearl- 10 years old, Witch. Younger cousin of Mia and Maya. Pretty good with magic for such a young age.

Miles- 17 years old, Demon (Vampire). One of the golden guards, originally was tasked with getting rid of Phoenix but ends up befriending him. Can only do magic if he drinks Witch blood (he can live without but he’s weaker)

Miles Golden guard uniform:

Franziska-15 years old, Grimwalker. One of the golden guards, Originally tasked with getting rid of Phoenix but realizes Manfred is evil and ends up helping them. Physically strong but can’t do magic.

Franzika’s golden guard uniform:

Emperor Von Karma/ Manfred- Unknown age, Human. The emperor of the boiling Isles, “Father” to Franzika and mentor to Miles. Has to eat palisman to keep his curse at bay (the same as in the show).

Diego/Godot- 30 years old, Witch. Head of the abomination coven. Dated Mia, once she dies, he blames Phoenix for her death and tries to kill him (though he makes sure no harm comes to Maya or Pearl)

Plot:

Phoenix is about to be sent to a camp for troubled teens when he sees Mia’s palisman. He follows it and ends up in the boiling Isles, there he meets Mia and Maya and starts to learn magic. Miles and Franzika are set with the task of getting rid of Mia. They attempt multiple times but each time they fail.

-No clue for this part yet-

After a while Miles and Franzika finally capture Mia, Phoenix and Maya try to save her but she is executed by Emperor Von Karma. Miles feels bad about it (especially since Mia was killed right in front of Phoenix) so he goes to talk to Phoenix. (This would be the first time you see his face or hear his name)

-Once again I stuff happens here I just have no clue yet-

.Pearl's mother (Morgen) is arrested and Pearl starts to live with Phoenix and Maya. This is also the time that Phoenix and Maya get Palisman (I haven’t picked one for Maya but Phoenix has a phoenix named Ash).

-man I thought I had more of this plot thought out-

Maya and Franzika get trapped in Manfreds mind. This Is when Franzika learns that she’s a Grimwalker and Maya learns he’s the one who killed her parents and her sister (Mia/Phoenix never mentioned it and just said they died). Meanwhile, Miles figures out that a past version of Franziska killed his dad, Phoenix follows him and comforts him when he finds out. Though soon after Pearl calls him over a walkie-talkie and says that Maya is trapped in Manfreds mind, he runs off to go help her.

After a bit of effort, they manage to get Franziska and Maya out. Franzika starts to have a panic attack but Maya comforts her. Maya catches Phoenix up about what happened and they have a chat about what happened to Mia. Franzika decides to stay with them, saying that it will only be temporary until she figures out what to do. At that moment Phoenix remembers what happened with Miles and runs off to talk to him. He goes back to where they were before and sees a letter (aka the Edgeworth chooses death letter). He goes back home but doesn’t tell anyone else about what happened.

-2 weeks later-

Franziska is still staying with Phoenix,Maya and Pearl. While Phoenix and Maya are trying to shop for food, they run into Miles (like Miles and Phoenix run into each). Miles is panicking since he’s trapped outside in the sunlight (which burns him). Phoenix and Maya take him back to their home, where Miles explains everything he learnt (about being a vampire). The others explain their plan to try and overthrow Manfred before he goes to the human realm.

-Times passes as all of them plan and such-

Phoenix makes sure that Pearls won’t be anywhere near the fight when it’s happening. After that The rest of the kids sneak into the palace and fight Manfred. They managed to beat him but the door was already open so Phoenix had to go before I closed. Miles decided to go with him

That’s all I have so far for this :).

Thank you if you got to the end of this.

Also I’m currently making an attempt to make this into a fan fiction. But that coming out will depend on my motivation which so far hasn’t been good so it might be a while.

[crimeronan]

Ok so I’m into the dreamer trilogy and haven’t read the Raven cycle...what is Declan’s characterisation/journey there?

THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST ASK I’VE EVER RECEIVED. IMAGINE I’M STANDING WITH MY ARMS SPREAD USING DIFFERENT VOICES AND HAND GESTURES TO REENACT THIS STORY FOR A RESENTFUL CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

also declan’s TRC storyline is like. equal parts horribly fucking sad and unbelievably fucking hilarious so. i will try to strike a Balance

FIRST OFF.  there is exactly one (1) declan POV chapter in the entire series. it happens toward the end of the last book. up until then, everything we know about him comes from the observations and narration of others.

he is also a very minor character.  his importance grows throughout the series, but almost all of his actions happen offscreen.  it’s not until the last book that we know exactly how much he’s been dealing with the whole time.

when he’s introduced in the first book, he appears as a plot device.  here is a two-dimensional horrible controlling hardass who doesn’t give a shit about anything but his future political career.  look at his fake, smug fucking grin.  how did someone like ronan end up with a brother like him??  doesn’t matter.  it’s a convenient excuse for ronan to live with his best friend in a drafty warehouse, which means more room for YA hijinks!

declan’s introduction scene is Embroiled in Capital-D Douchebaggery. according to the narration (from gansey and adam), he loves to fuck women and then never call them back, cozy up to powerful people, and bitch about how ronan’s ruining his life by being sad about their dead parents.  SOME people can just get over their dead parents, ronan!

this intro scene is also Extremely Funny i 100% recommend reading it even if u don’t read the actual series.  ronan makes a nasty comment, declan goes “why are you the way that you are” and tries to salvage his date, gansey utters the phrase “man whore”

then later that night things go like. actually bad.

declan shows up at the same pizza place where ronan is with his friends.  this scene is gansey pov.  gansey runs out to the parking lot to find the two of them Very Literally Trying To Kill Each Other.  you don’t see that violence in cdth - there’s only the TINIEST shadow of it when declan confronts ronan over matthew - so i Cannot Express Enough that someone is going to end up hospitalized at BEST. ronan’s already slammed declan’s head on the car, declan’s already grabbed ronan and beaten the shit out of his face, like.

you do not get good old-fashioned Declan Lynch At His Actual Worst in cdth. u might be thinking, THAT guy???? doing THIS????

oh yeah. things are real bad between declan and ronan.

after gansey breaks up the fight (and gets punched in the face for his trouble, albeit accidentally), declan tells ronan that their dad would be fucking ashamed to see him now & that he’s washing his hands of it & basically if ronan wants to go off and fucking die, he can.

this is like. just a couple months after the magical suicide attempt referenced in cdth

in the aftermath of that scene it becomes clear that ronan absolutely unequivocally 100% will kill himself if he has to live with declan. hence. why he’s living with gansey instead.  gansey spends that whole night petrified that the declan altercation will lead to another attempt, and for Good Reason

so like, that’s how we first meet declan. he’s an uncaring wannabe corporate asshole who does not give a fuck and who only exists to exacerbate ronan’s mental health issues.

but then the opening of book 2 gets real interesting.

book 2 is where we start learning more about the lynch family.  we learn that ronan’s father was a dreamer who sold his creations on the black market, we learn that that’s why he was murdered. we learn that ronan’s a dreamer too. we learn that there are very powerful people looking for the greywaren, an artifact that takes objects from dreams. those powerful people just don’t realize it’s a person, yet.

so here’s the assassin who killed niall lynch.

he goes to declan’s dorm.

with everything we know about declan, the kid should be completely unprepared.  he can box, but the assassin knows that, so there’s no real advantage.  he’s alone, and he doesn’t have an escape route.

declan pulls out a gun.

this is an unexpected turn of events.

unfortunately he ends up getting beaten half to death with the butt of said gun, because he loses the ensuing physical struggle for the weapon.  the assassin is like, i need the greywaren.  declan is like, i know it exists but i don’t know what it is.  i’ll find it for you.  i’ll get it to you.  then you’ll leave me the fuck alone

now with everything we know of declan at this point - his attitude toward ronan, his general demeanor, and this new knowledge that he knew about the black market - there’s one obvious question.

will declan sell ronan out if he finds out about the dreaming.

and like, okay. their relationship is antagonistic in cdth but it is NOT what it is in trc. believe me when i tell you that at that point, when you’re reading, you can pretty reasonably go, “oh, god.  oh god.  oh god please no one ever tell declan what the greywaren is.  oh god.”

declan has some other interactions with ronan and the gang throughout the book, mostly where he’s just a hardass who tells ronan to stop causing trouble.  adam’s the only one who notices that declan is scared.  like bone-deep shaking to the core petrified.  about Something.

probably getting beaten to within an inch of his life by the man who murdered his father.  that’s the reasonable reader conclusion.

so imagine how everything changes when you find out that declan already knows.  that declan’s known about ronan’s dreaming for longer than ronan has.  that declan knew exactly what and who the greywaren was, and he lied to a man who was ready to torture him for information, and he got away with it.

suddenly a lot of things recontextualize.

“keep your head down and stop making trouble”? people are gonna NOTICE your magic bullshit, ronan, we do not have time for this!

“stop hanging with that loser druggie friend of yours”? you mean the loser druggie friend who sells on the magic black market and doesn’t care about protecting himself or anyone else?

“i got super weird for no reason about ronan sleeping close to adam”? i don’t have fucking TIME to be homophobic i’m busy with your POTENTIAL TO MANIFEST NIGHT TERRORS IN FRONT OF WITNESSES IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

“i’ll find out what the greywaren is and bring it to you”? i’ll die. i’m making a bargain to die. i’m never giving you the greywaren and i know you’re going to kill me about it and that’s fine as long as my brothers are safe

ronan doesn’t know that he dreamed matthew.  declan knows.  he’s known the whole time.  declan tells ronan in book 3.  and then things recontextualize even further, because ronan’s death is also matthew’s, and matthew IS close to declan in trc.

but declan never tells the goddamn truth unless it’s his last option.  he doesn’t tell ronan that he knows about the dreaming and he doesn’t tell ronan what specifically wants to hurt him and the lack of communication fucking destroys both of them.

in the last book, ronan realizes declan loves him.

more than that, he realizes declan’s loved him the whole time.

this is when declan finally tells the truth.  things are getting bad, plot-wise, and declan is scared, so he comes clean.  he tells ronan that niall specifically tasked declan with protecting ronan from the market.  he begs ronan to run from the danger.  “let’s pour gasoline on everything dad left and start over.”

this is also when ronan realizes that declan’s childhood was very different from ronan’s own.  and that niall and aurora lynch were not the same people to declan that they were to ronan.  and that their father’s decisions are what’s driven the wedge between him and declan all this time

(he’s still struggling with the cognitive dissonance of this in cdth. i don’t think he knows how to adjust his perception of declan to fit this new information.)

aaaaand the final scene with declan makes me cry every time i read it so instead of summarizing, here’s the important part:

Ronan delivered a sharp tap to the object, and a small cloud of fiery orbs sprayed up with a sparkling hiss.

“Jesus, Ronan!” Declan jerked his chin away.

“Please. Did you think I’d blow your face off?”

He demonstrated it again, that quick tap, that burst of brilliant orbs. He tipped it into Declan’s hand, and before Declan could say anything, jabbed it to activate it once more.

Orbs gasped up into the air. For a moment, he saw how his brother was caught inside them, watching them soar furiously around his face, each gold sun firing gold and white, and when he saw the spacious longing in Declan’s face, he realized how much Declan had missed by growing up neither dreamer nor dreamt. This had never been his home. The Lynches had never tried to make it Declan’s home.

“Declan?” Ronan asked.

Declan’s face cleared. “This is the most useful thing you’ve ever dreamt. You should name it.”

“I have. ORBMASTER. All caps.”

“Technically you’re the orbmaster though, right? And that’s just an orb.”

“Anyone who holds it becomes an ORBMASTER. You’re an ORBMASTER right now. There, keep it, put it in your pocket. D.C. ORBMASTER.”

Declan reached out and scuffed Ronan’s shaved head. “You’re such a little asshole.”

The last time they’d stood on this roof together, their parents had both been alive, and the cattle in these fields had been slowly grazing, and the world had been a smaller place. That time was gone, but for once, it was all right.

The brothers both looked back over the place that had made them, and then they climbed down from the roof together.

[fruitcoops]

I don't know if you did this already (I'm sorry if you did) or somebody asked but could you do one where they supportive teammates reacts to homophobic teammates

Hello anon! This is a super interesting idea and I’ve been thinking about it for a couple days so I could get the vibe right--none of our boys would be homophobic, but new rookies on the other hand...

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove, but this features a character who does not appear in SW (I’m not claiming him as an OC because he’s a dick)

TW for homophobic statements, no slurs

I

James caught sight of the new guy just as he was leaving the locker room, towel draped over his neck. “Rookie! Wait up, man!”

The other man paused, looking rather surprised as he jogged over. “Hey, you’re James, right?”

“Call me Pots.” He held his hand out and they shook. “Didn’t catch your name earlier, sorry.”

“Tanner Chase, nice to meet you.”

“Welcome to the team, Tanner.” James grinned. “You’re on my line, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m a winger,” Tanner said with a good bit of pride. Oh, to be twenty again, James thought. “Giving you a run for your money.”

“Sure, kid,” James laughed. “You do that. You’d have better luck with me than Loops, though.”

Tanner’s smile turned a little sharp. “Nah, he’d be too easy, am I right?”

James paused. “What?”

“Y’know, since he’s…” Talker gave him a significant look and a stone sank in James’ gut.

“I think you lost me.” I hope this isn’t what I think it is. “Because he’s a rookie? ‘cause I hate to break it to you, but—”

“No, dude, because he’s a fairy,” he snorted, as if they were still joking around.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Tanner blinked and reeled back. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t get to talk about my friends like that. Don’t talk about anyone like that. It’s not tolerated on this team and I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if I hear it again.” James made sure his voice was as even as possible, but he could tell it shook at the edges. “You just used up your one free pass, Chase.”

 II

“Drive safe, Loops!” Talker called as Remus headed for the hall with his bag under his arm.

Sirius opened the door just as he reached it and his face broke into a smile. “Bonjour, mon amour, I was just looking for you. Ready to go?”

“Hiya, handsome.” He leaned up to peck him on the lips. “Yeah, I think I left my phone on the bench, though.”

Their conversation faded out as they wandered off together and Talker returned to his stretch, closing his eyes at the familiar burn in his hamstring. “Yikes,” the new rookie muttered under his breath. Tanner…something, Talker remembered.

“What’s up? You okay?”

Tanner glanced over at him. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Stretching? Not really, no. That’s why I do it.”

“No, not stretching. That.” He waved a hand at the slightly-open door.

“I can close it if you—”

“Dude.” Talker crossed his legs and faced him fully. “I mean Black and Lupin.”

Talker narrowed his eyes. “No. Does it bother you?”

“I mean, yeah, how am I supposed to respect a guy like that?” he scoffed.

Talker made direct eye contact with him; he wanted zero miscommunication about this. “You respect him because he’s your captain, which is a title he earned that has nothing to do with who he loves. And you respect Loops, too, or we’re going to have an issue. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking bringing that attitude to this team, but you better drop it right now.”

Tanner turned back to his stretch. With a shake of his head, Talker collected his stuff and left him alone on the mats.

III

“Hey, Harzy.” Tanner sat down next to Finn on the bench and passed him a waterbottle. There was a shout from the ice as Remus stole the puck from Sirius’ stick and raced toward the goal, laughing loudly.

“Tan-man, what’s up?”

“What’s the deal with them?” he asked, lowering his voice.

“Cap and Loops? They’re engaged, didn’t you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a slight tone shift that made Finn’s skin crawl. “But what do you think about it? Isn’t it, like, a little weird being on the same team as them?”

“Uh, no.”

Tanner’s eyebrows rose. “You aren’t afraid they’re looking at you or something?”

“What part of ‘engaged’ don’t you understand?” Finn’s jaw tightened. What a little shit. “If this is some homophobic fuckery, I’d like to take this time to remind you I have two boyfriends before you say something that gets you punched.”

Tanner’s eyes went wide and he scooted away without a word.

IV

“Alright, everyone, Sid’s tonight?” Kasey shouted over the noise. The whole locker room cheered in agreement and he smiled as the buzz of victory filled his chest. “Knutty, since my team kicked your ass, I believe you owe me a pizza!”

“I still say Cap is a cheater!” Leo called back; within a few seconds, Sirius had him in a loose headlock as he ruffled his hair. “Alright, alright, I give!”

The volume level did not die down as they all flooded into the hallway—Kasey spotted a flash of mousy brown hair out of the corner or his eye and frustration lodged in his throat. In a smooth movement, he reached out and blocked Tanner from following the rest of the group out. “Not you.”

“But it’s a team dinner—”

“And you’re not part of the team until you get your head out of your ass,” he said coolly. The jumble of voices echoed around the corner. That was his team. “Don’t think I missed those looks you were shooting Cap and Loops. You’re not invited. Go home and think about what actually matters.”

V

They won the next game by a landslide. Arthur Weasley was furious. Every time an opponent came to check Tanner Chase, not a single Lion moved to help him. At one point, Pots had taken the puck right off his stick and skated down the ice for a goal, leaving him in the dust. Whenever Chase was on the bench, he was pointedly ignored by the rest and left to sit alone; Logan literally sat on Talker’s lap to avoid being within five feet of the rookie.

“Team meeting, everyone sit your asses down!” he barked as he entered the locker room. Immediately, the celebratory whoops quieted. “Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Sirius looked up at him in confusion. “I thought we played pretty well, Coach.”

“You played fine, but Chase over here got the cold shoulder like I’ve never seen before. Even the fucking commentators noticed!”

“Good,” Finn muttered under his breath.

“Shut it, O’Hara, this is not good.” He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “Once again, does anyone want to enlighten me on this sudden attitude toward rookies? Since when are we like this?”

“It’s not toward rookies, it’s toward him,” Kasey said, glaring at Tanner from his stall. “He’s a homophobic douchebag. You want to tell Coach what you said?”

Tanner stared at the floor.

Arthur’s fury vanished. “What? Chase, is that true?” The rookie stayed silent. “Hey, kid, I’m talking to you.”

“Yes, Coach.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus’ jaw tick and Sirius’ face grow stormy.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It started the first day of practice,” Pots said, crossing his arms. “Our first conversation, in fact.”

“Eyes on me, rookie.” Tanner winced as he looked up. “I know the organization has told you in the past that this kind of behavior is okay, but right here and right now, I’m telling you it’s not. If you’re going to continue with that, you can leave.”

“I just get uncomfortable when—”

“When what?” Remus asked, standing up and leaning on his stall. He looked overall unthreatening, but there was a stony look in his eyes. “Tanner, what did Sirius and I do to make you uncomfortable?”

Tanner floundered for a moment. “It’s just—the kissing, the cuddling, the nicknames, all that.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when Lily came to visit,” Remus continued. “Or Natalie, or Noelle, or Celeste. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.”

“But it bothers you when I call my fiancé ‘baby’, or he calls me ‘sweetheart’?”

“It does.”

“Tanner, I hope you know I’m not going to apologize,” he finally said. “If this had nothing to do with us being gay, we would tone down the PDA, but that’s clearly not the case.”

Sirius sighed. “None of us want to alienate you, but you’re making judgements before taking the time to know us. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

“You’ve never met an openly gay person before, have you?” Remus asked. Tanner shook his head. “Hi, I’m Remus Lupin. I play a wing position on the hockey team that you were just signed to and my favorite color is green. I have a dog named Hattie and I’m engaged to a man. Nice to meet you.”

Sirius walked across the room; Arthur tensed for a moment, but he stopped in front of Tanner and held his hand out. “Sirius Black, team captain. I play center and I hate pineapple pizza. Also, I’m gay. Congrats on being signed to the Lions.”

Tanner’s eyes flickered up, and after a moment’s hesitation, he shook Sirius’ hand. “Nice to meet you.” He swallowed thickly. “Cap.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Are we done with the bullshit?”

“It—it might take me a bit to get used to it.”

“Make it quick. We’ve got games to win and nobody here has time to hold your hand through it.” Sirius turned to look at everyone else, his Captain Face in full effect. “That goes for everyone, got it? No more cold shoulders, we talk this through like adults as soon as it happens.”

“You got it, Cap,” Pots said.

“Black, Lupin, can we talk?” Coach beckoned them toward the door; just before it closed, he saw Talker walk over to Tanner’s stall.

“That’s why you respect Cap and Loops,” Talker said quietly. “Not because of threats or some shit—because of that right there.”

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Fam... Shigaraki my king my Lord my reason to question society Tomura stood on the downed body of Endeavor while mocking both him and All Might by copying their after battle poses! Surely that's one huge blow to his dignity and ego

! Had Dabi seen Tomura stepping on Endeavor, how would he reacts?

Good or bad, that imagine was sure simply amazing when it comes to it's visual effects. There are a lot of ironic meanings over there, as much as complex implications. I love love love when Horikoshi gives Tomura hero poses or when he makes Deku look villainous. You know, all those things have a meaning within the narrative, they serve a purpose, but let's keep the focus on this asks:

I think Dabi would get a little angry, because it's his mission to make Endeavor suffer, but he'd enjoy it too. Time to elaborate:

After reavling his real identity, Dabi makes emphasis on how Tomura not the ultimate threat, but him. He is the embodiment of Stain's philosophy, the one who's gonna put an end to the hero society.

Remember that Dabi claims he doesn't follow Tomura because he believes in his cause. He sticks with the League because it's a good way to get where he wants to get, but he has his own mission and his own methods. Ultimately, he says he only cares about what he wants to do and all the members of the League are nothing but pawns.

That's what I think it'd upset Dabi to see Tomura defeating Endeavor. It's like someone else is taking from him his long awaited vengeance.

And he'd enjoy it because he loves to watch Endeavor suffer.

Just imagine the Hero #1, laying on the ground, beaten, while the villain stands over him with All Might's victory pose. That's a low low punch, my dudes.

Once more, the ghost of All Might's reminds Endeavor he's not enough.

Do you remember how All Might and AFO fought on Kamino? Well, Endeavor was incapable of that epic battle with Shigaraki and it was Deku who stepped in, All Might's sucessor.

Endeavor really took a beating that day, lol. Everything he feared became real. He became a villain to the public, to his family, he epic failed in from of everyone, including the two kids he trained so hard to be his sucessors.

Dabi would definitely enjoy all those implications, but he'd be angry because he's not the one causing so much pain.

And the worst part is that Shigaraki just throws Endeavor aside when he's done. He totally forgets about who's supposed to be the greatest hero at the moment. The ultimate insult.

The reason why Shigaraki and Dabi have so much tension between them is because Dabi holds himself at the same level of Shigaraki.

He calls him boss, he follows orders, he goes when his called, but in his mind he's not of less rank for any of that. He's just playing a part, but like Shigaraki is AFO's sucessor, he's Stain's.

They want different things. Tomura wants to create a better world, Dabi wants to put at end to the hero society. Their paths align and they walk together, but they're not walking in the same road.

Tomura is Mr. Sincere, always transparent to the eye, always open for others to read him. Dabi is a liar, hiding behind layers and layers, always evading the conversation, always pretending he's something else.

It'd be like Dabi defeating All Might, for example. Tomura would be amazed but angry, because that's his fight, not Dabi's.

On a Shigadabi note, it'd be so funny because it'd make Dabi horny to watch his boss totally kicking Endeavor's ass. And he'd be so mad that his body is responding that way because no! That's not how it is supposed to go! That's total shit!

That's the problem when your rival-lover does something and you can't decide if you want to break his nose or drink from his mouth until he cries.

I keep saying that it'd be so funny if Dabi and Tomura kissed in front of everyone, because I bet Endeavor would have a heart attack. A moment of silence from the heroes because the villains are too busy being gay and evil.

Diversity wins! The two handsome young men trying to bring the world to an end are homo and they keep making the homophobic pro-heroes and civilians uncomfortable with that.

[tiptapricot]

Moon Knight Liveblog thoughts, The Friendly Type

I love this opening scene w Layla but who is the lady truly like

How did they get to know each other bc she sorta acts like a mom but also not rlly n also she isn’t credited as such

Marshmallows :-)

Layla ilysm

I wish this scene didn’t have music almost bc the asmr would b amazing

LAYLA DOES YHE FACE PICKY THING IRL NOT JUST AS A DUAT NURSE OGHGGHGG

HER STIMMMMINGHGGGGGGGH

She also works her lips a lot

THIS LOGO SONG YESSSSSSSS

Episode two w the boring ass normal music should step up

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector

The way he’s running so fast n then is just already late lol

“Owh shit :-/“

“Oh wow”

“Ooo we dancin we fightin what we gonna do”

The slap… THIS FIGHT FUCKS

Love the musicCCC GOD

The dynamic vibes slap so hard ahhHgGghh

Marc looks great disheveled too

Jake just stepping in like “lol sorry guys don’t go after me or I’ll kill you” *gets in a cab*

MARC USED STEVENS ACCENT I THINK WHEN HE ASKS WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???

“Just let us go man 😟”

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector again

He looks so dumb when he runs

These poor bystanders

“Mahc… that’s enough”

Jake moment again woooooo!!!!

Also knowing the changes when the camera pans between Marc n reflections is practical n Oscar doing it in real time makes this ep even MORE FUCKING EPIC

The pause before “he’s just a kid” n then seeing Marc push all ot it away

God

We don’t talk enough about that moment jfc

Khonshu’s neck black hole lmao

“Anger them enough… and they will enact a hate crime on my fruity ass”

*Does a gay little eclipse that pisses you off*

Literally the limp wrist moment is the next scene

Also Khonshu is so stupid he’s so dumb he’s like “we gotta b perfect haha no I won’t tell you anything or prepare anything byyyye”

“Ohhh I’ll be there 😏”

Steven is… I love him “Oh my days” what if I kissed u huh??? On the nog?

YATZIIIIIILLLLL her voice is so nice

“Ok…. Cool” Marc interacting w ppl makes him sound so funny

“The only melody Khonshu enjoys is the sound of pain” Marc that’s…. Really funny

JUST TELL HIM HES GONNA B POSESSED DUDE STOP LEAVING HIM IN THE DARK

The trial scene makes me fucking feral

“We despise your garishness” STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC

OSCARS ACTING IN THIS SCENE MARC LOOKING MORE AND MORE AWARE AND AFRAID OF WHATS HAPPENING GODDDD

THE TEAR

IM NOT OK IM NOT OK ALSO THE LIGHTING IS RLLY NICE

The little whispered “fuck” Marc I’m so sorrry I love you

Arthur Crunchy Feet Harrow coming out of the gate swinging w the ableism

Harrow shut up shut up shut up shut up

Marc’s poor body

Watching them blur here is ridiculous like they’re both being triggered but I think it’s Marc that breaks through n tries to punch harrow bc u hear him say stop n Khonshu say shut up

HARROW SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KILL YOU

“We will not tolerate violence” oh I see tolerating ableism n verbal attacks but not physical ones I see I see also HARROW I HATE YOU

Marc…. Looks so fucking…. In disbelief and so wrecked and so sweaty and teary and vulnerable his voice cracking and he’s scared and he’s scared of harrow for te power he has over him god this fuvking scene I’m not ok

What other memories is this echoing what other experiences is this mirroring where he wasn’t believed and was yelling to listen but no one did bc he was written off for being seen as lesser

And Marc feels as if he’s lost after, as if not being normal cost him everything. His brain and his struggles and that being weapon used like always causing him to lose

THE MUSIC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

He went back for his hat :-)

Marc failing at an interaction… felt

LAYLA YESSS

BOAT SCENE BOAT SCENE YESS

Layla u are glowing get his ASS

“Copy that” you military ass guy I love you

Layla finger fiddling again

SALKAAAAAA

I need to see their wedding

I’m getting goosebumps I love them the like emotional tension here n Layla has the power

“It… doesn’t matter” the way his voice breaks

AND HIS FINGERS AUTOMATICALLY OPEN WHEN LAYLA TAKES THEM N HE FIDDLES W THEM I LOVE YHEM I LOVE YHEM OK INLOVE THEM

The way he gives her her hands back n pats them like giving the affection back, returning it bc he doesn’t need it

Layla in a ponytail somehow almost changes her character to me she just looks like like she just looks she LOOKS SHE LOOKSSSS

What happened between Layla n Mogart I wanna see the drama

Marc fails a social interaction part 2, electric boogaloo

Layla just like “o baby no”

Marc just not knowing shit ab Egyptian stuff is so funny n then Steven’s like that one tik tok meme

“I receive: the body. You receive: the info you need”

“He’s praying” IS SUCH AN OVERLOOKED LINE

Steven n Marc bantering my loves

Let Marc say fuck

Mogart I hate you

The way Marc can’t act when harrow is there…. The trauma from the trial still so fresh and that power imbalance and uncomfortability freezing him

“You piece a shit..” real

Also w Marc being unable to act, it’s also after he starts turning Layla against him and it’s just the same and he just can’t he can’t you can see a shot of his face that almost looks identical to the trial

It’s like a silent panic attack

But then harrow leaves n he can breathe again

THIS FIGHT SCENE MY BELOVEDDDTGE CAPE IN A MOON SHAPE SHEILDING LAYLA

“Buy me some time” “I can do that :-)”

Also the music AGAIN

MARC RUNNING THROUGH THE FUCKING FENCE IS SO FUNNY HE DOESNT EVEN JUMP JUST ZOOP

Marc growling… baby you are neurodivergent ily

“Thas it… alright that’s it that’s it time out!”

“Take… the body… take the body take the body Marc”

Lol get stabbed

Imagine seeing ur husband get impaled

LAYLA W THE KNIFE NECKLACE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

“LAYLAAA!!”

The grab n roll is sOOOO satisfyinGGGG

“Tik tok marc spector” shut UP

“Aigh… I really liked that jacket… o wel”

Marc in da car call that Carc

He has nice shoulders

Bologna :-)

Marc just breaking internally n pushing her away the scene where they’re driving makes me weep they’re just tearing at the seams n both so sad but also angry

Marc getting upset easily felt felt

Some of Khonshu’s neck tendrils r taught into his neck n some just dangle lol

THE AWITCH W THE CAR MIRROR that’s the scene that got me to watch actually I saw it on Instagram n was like ohhHh

Steven’s eyelashes n the way he looks at Layla adoringly

“Egyptians invented modern.. navigation” baby you are so cute

“It’s French” LAYLAS LAUGH

They’re both so pretty they need to kiss

Watching this scene after that one comic ab Layla not knowing why it’s not working hits diff I love her

Khonshu sad scene….

His voice is so deep and soft….

The stars r fucking beautiful

This scene gives me goosebumps

Layla has a scrape on her shoulder

THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE OF TURNING THE STARD BACK AGHGGGHHGGGGHHHHHGHHHHHGHHJJHHGGHHHHGGHJJHGGUHJHGGHHJJ

God it’s so pretty it’s so pretty I’m out of my mind it’s so pretty I’m in space I’m eating wood

Khonshu dying hurts why does it hurt the way he yells and crumples n the suit breaks away and the bones snap and shatter and he groans in pain and Steven can feel it and feel it leaving him and he reaches out to Khonshu as he dissolved into dust, desperate and scared and so sad and then just goes totally limp… the tie severed from the body for the first time in a decade and the immediate mystical biological whiplash

*ahem* Harrow…. I hate you. Also stop having crunchy toes.

This episode slaps so hard everyone else shut up yes I like it more than the tomb which comes next and it’s bc SO MUCH HAPPENS AND ITS PACED SO WELL

YESSSSSSS THIS ENDING THEME WHY DO ALL OF THEM FUCK SO HARD YESSSS

[kj-1130]

Listen to Me

Uswnt x reader

⚠️mentions of fighting/violence, cursing, Chad being an asshole, mentions of racism, homophobia, and sexism. Lemme know if there’s more I missed.⚠️

Main Masterlist

It was time for another camp. You were the last to arrive due to still being in school and having to be there as many hours as you possibly could.

So here you were in the airport walking towards a pissed off Alex Morgan and Christen Press.

The day before your flight to camp, you had gotten into trouble. Trouble meaning you got into a fight. And word got to your teammates.

“Hello my favorite, most amazing people in the whole wide world.”

Alex simply rolled her eyes and grabbed your suitcase before walking towards the exit with you and Christen trailing behind.

You lowered your gaze to the terminal floor. Christen tried to catch your eyes but ultimately failed and decided just to look straight forward as she talked.

“You know, you shouldn’t resort to violence, (y/n). I don’t know what happened but everyone’s pretty upset and disappointed right now.”

Ouch. The disappointment card. Just had to pull that one like you haven’t heard it just about everyday of your life. You were honestly confused if people were actually disappointed when they said it or just used it as a guilt trip.

The ride to the hotel was full of silence. And not one of those silences where you feel comfortable with the people you adore and love. It was one of those silences where it made you nervous and anxious. It made you fidget and uncomfortable.

Getting your room assignment, being with Tierna, you tried to book it up the stairs. That worked for all of five seconds until you were called into the meeting room.

You reluctantly stepped down and made your way to the space and left your suitcase by the door. In the room were almost all the responsible/‘scary when they want to be’ ones. Sitting down in a chair with a sigh, you looked down at your fidgeting hands and waited for someone to start talking.

The silence that filled the room was very tense. All that could be heard was the movement of your hands and breathing.

When you thought things couldn’t get any worse, the most mama-bear of them all, Carli, spoke up.

“You know you can lose your spot for stuff like this right? You got into a fight, this is not something you need to be taking lightly at all. I don’t care what caused it, but you need to fix whatever’s going on with your behavior and attitude because you’ve been off for the past few weeks anyway. If something like this happens again, we won’t hesitate to take some disciplinary actions ourselves. Am I clear, (y/n)?”

You mumbled ‘crystal’ and attempted to leave the room only to get pulled down by Ash. “Now do you wanna tell us what started the fight?”

You were honestly getting really uncomfortable. Any movement you were making at the moment was probably the only thing keeping you from breaking right now; the furrowing of your eyebrows, the rolling of your shoulders, scratching your arms, bouncing your leg. You probably looked crazy.

You shrugged your shoulders and started spinning in your chair.

Ash put her hand on it and prohibited it from being able to move. “That was not a suggestion.”

Sighing and dragging your hands over your face you told them, “A boy knocked books out of my hands and pushed me so I pushed him back. He didn’t like that so he threw the first punch and I wasn’t about to let him push me around so I beat his ass.”

It wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the full truth. Yes he did push you. And yes he did hit you first. But there was so much more to the situation than that.

“Look I’m tired and I have work I need to do. If you want to scold me anymore, just please save it for tomorrow.”

Honestly you had never run up stairs so fast. The situation was so awkward and the way everyone was staring at you didn’t make anything better. There was so much disappointment in their eyes.

It’s like what you do will never be enough for anyone.

-

The next day everyone came down from breakfast. You went to sleep after 12 due to having work piled up from your asshole teachers. It’s not like they grade half of it anyway.

You still didn’t understand one of the lessons so decided to watch some YouTube videos on it and take notes while eating breakfast. That also gave you an excuse to sit away from anyone who would possibly want to lecture you about your ‘reckless actions’.

You were the last one down. Deciding to already have headphones in—to ignore anyone calling your name—you grabbed your breakfast and sat down at a table by yourself. Pulling your notebook and pencil out, you started the video and took notes while eating.

You could feel their eyes burning holes in your head. You’d honestly prefer they just come ask what they wanted than staring at you like some museum exhibit.

You just ignored it and did your work. That was easier said than done as Casey came over, sat next to you, and snatched your earphones out.

“Hey!” You scrambled to pause the video so you didn’t miss anything. “I was watching that.”

Turning to Casey, you pushed your glasses up and gave her a look that said ‘can I help you?’

“Don’t give me that face. I’m not the one you need to be having an attitude with.”

“I-I don’t have an attitude though.”

“Stop talking.”

You purse your lips, nod your head, and start bouncing your leg waiting to hear whatever she wanted to say to you.

“Look, I don’t know what’s been going on at school or at home but everyone can tell you’re on edge. Isolating yourself isn’t going to help anyone-”

“But I’m not isolating myself.”

“Interrupt me one more time, child.”

Casey was your first team mom. When you joined the red stars, she immediately took you under her wing and she became your mentor. The two of you worked well together and she constantly kept you on track. She was very nice but could be very strict when she wanted to be.

“All I’m saying is you’re making yourself look more guilty to them because you’re sitting over here looking like you’re all up in your feelings. You aren’t in your feelings. Right? Cause that’d be another conversation I’d have to have with somebody’s child and-”

You cut her off with your chuckle and shook your head. “Casey, I’m fine.”

She nods her head and contemplates for a few seconds, “Alright, come sit at the table with me then.”

“But I’m working.”

“Okay. You can work over there too.”

You simply watched as she grabbed your phone, notebook and breakfast to the table with a gaped mouth.

You blinked at her while she mouthed ‘come here’. Reluctantly, you pushed yourself out the seat and slowly made your way over. You sat down and reached out for your phone only for Casey to snatch it away.

“I need to do my work. What did you do that for?”

“Your work can wait. Socialize,” she said while putting your phone out of work.

With raised eyebrows you said, “Seriously?”

“Does it look like I’m kidding?”

Huffing you turned in your seat and played with your food. You’d honestly lost your appetite this morning; it was only 9 in the morning and people were already testing your patience.

You looked up and your eyes locked with Carli’s.

“Stop playing with your food, (y/n).”

You put your fork down and just got up to throw your food away. You couldn’t deal with this right now.

-

The two weeks of camp was boring and went by agonizingly slow. It consisted of pretty much the same routine; you’d do work after training, work during breakfast and spend any free days or breaks by yourself (occasionally with Tierna) in your room, on your phone looking at ways to improve and tricks to do.

It became annoying when all the vets constantly reprimanded you for the smallest of things. With Carli, it’d be ‘stop playing around so much’. With Alex it’d be ‘pick up after yourself’. Even Kelley was doing it for fuck’s sake.

You honestly couldn’t wait to leave and at least be somewhere where all the attention isn’t on you.

-

When you got to the airport, your girlfriend was there waiting for you. She pulled you in her arms and any leftover tension from the past two weeks immediately went away. She always knew how to make you feel better.

The two of you drove to her house and went over some school work before going to bed for the night. It wasn’t an unusual routine between you two.

When the alarm went off in the morning both of you groaned. The school you went to was a total pain in the ass and regardless of what day it was, you could count on it to be an awful day. It was a predominately white school with only 2 percent being a person of color; you and your girlfriend being part of that 2%. Half of them were racist, sexist, homophobic, and just all around assholes.

Walking into the school building, you could immediately feel all eyes on you. Trying to get past it, the two of you just went to your lockers with your heads down.

“Aye! Look at me you freak!”

It was the same dude you got into a fight with last time(his name is Chad by the way). Apparently a black eye didn’t teach him shit.

“When I tell you to do something I expect you to do it.”

He grabs your shoulders, turns you around and pins you to the lockers.

“You see my eye?”

“Yeah, you got your ass beat by a girl. What you gonna do about it?”

He punched you in the stomach hard.

“(Y/n)!” Your girlfriend. You looked up at her and shook your head signaling her not to get involved.

“Ima make you look worse than you made me-”

“Are you sure about that? Last time you failed, what makes you think it won’t happen again?”

Chad chuckles and shakes his head.

“You think you’re all that with that equal pay shit, and your racial equality and women loving women crap. Guess what you little bitch I’m going to end you and all those lesbians and gays and anybody else who thinks they deserve equality because you don’t. You don’t belong here. Just go kill-”

You kicked him in his balls, twisted his arm behind his back, and pulled it. When you heard that crack you smirked and leaned down to his ear.

“I don’t wanna embarrass you in front of your racist, sexist, homophobic, buddies, but lemme tell you. You don’t own anybody nor are you superior to anybody. Do I make myself clear?”

He only grunted but you pulled tighter which made him yell out.

“I said, ‘do I make myself clear’?”

“Yes!”

You pushed him on the ground and walked over him to your girlfriend.

“Why in the world would do that? You know what they’re going to do to you. You might not even get invited back to camp!”

“Babe, calm down. I honestly don’t care at this point. And neither should you.”

“(Y/n) (L/n)! My office! Now!”

You gave her a kiss and walked away slowly.

“Wish me luck.”

-

“You seriously got into another fight! What is going on with you!”

It was the first thing you heard when walking into the hotel lobby. Literally everyone was there. From the youngings to the vets. Surprisingly, you were called back to camp, but you honestly think it was just so everyone could scold you. Carli was absolutely livid, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about anything at the moment since you were so pissed.

Walking past the team, you attempted to make it to the stairs, only for Casey to grab the back of your shirt and pull you back towards the tables. She pushed you down into a seat and took your belongings away from you.

You tried to get back up but you were only pushed down again.

Carli bent down and stared you dead in the eye.

“What is going on with you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. What I did was what I intended to do. It was no mistake.”

Alex interrupted, “(Y/n), you don’t understand-”

“No you don’t understand!” You stood abruptly from the chair and slammed your hands on the table. The chair fell and it was absolute silence.

You’d never been so loud. You were always on the quiet side and this was the biggest reaction anyone had ever seen from you.

You were heavily breathing, staring at Carli, the adrenaline pumping through you.

“Did they tell you what he did to me?! Did they tell you what he calls me, my girlfriend and every other female, lgbtq member, or person of color in that school?! No! Because they don’t give a shit. And they won’t give a shit until it’s one of their kids getting hurt!”

There was no dry eye in the room. Your hands were shaking and you took a deep breath to calm down. In a lower voice you spoke.

“They don’t give a damn about my well-being so why should I give a fuck about theirs?”

Taking a few more trembling breaths, you wiped the tears off your face.

“So excuse me for being off for the past few weeks. This shit will take a toll on anybody. And you can cut the bullshit with the ‘don’t fight fire with fire’ cause that’s the only way something gets through those thick ass skulls. They don’t allow you to do it peacefully. They don’t allow you to educate them.”

You looked at Casey with tears in your eyes.

“I just wanna go to school and get an education and be treated like a normal human being. What’s wrong with that?”

Crystal came over to you and caught you before you fell. She lowered you both to the floor as you sobbed your heart out. You kept mumbling ‘I’m sorry’ into her neck between breaths as she rocked you back and forth trying to console you.

Casey and Christen were the next ones over, the latter rubbing your back while the other was trying to wipe away the onslaught of tears on your face.

“Shh, shh baby. You did nothing wrong.”

Soon, every member of the team was crowded around. Tears were streaming down everyone’s face. Their baby, only 16, was going through all this stress and pain. Because of something no one deserves.

You eventually calmed down after 15 more minutes of crying. You’d been transferred to Casey’s lap, and your team mom was trying to comfort you to the best of her ability.

Casey took your face in her hands and wiped all the tears off. “You don’t need to be sorry, alright? There was nothing you did wrong. Stop saying sorry.”

You nodded your head and she kissed your forehead.

Everyone was still crying or wiping waterfalls of tears away.

They watched as you got up and searched frantically for something. You got your phone out of your backpack and turned it on. While you were pacing, the Home Screen popped up and you quickly logged in to text your girlfriend. One, because you always text her when you get to the hotel and two, if Chad and his stickman buddies hurt her, you were absolutely going to lose your shit.

When you logged in to your phone, you saw she already messaged you saying that you should talk to the others.

“Kinda late for that,” you muttered.

“What did you say, hun?” Christen asked.

You just shook your head and texted her back.

Gf: I mean we could always try to talk to the board.

You: Or

You: We could go on strike.

Gf: I-

Gf: I’m done talking to you.

You: wait no! Don’t leave me.

You: I love you

You had a frown on your face when you put your phone away.

Casey pulled you back down into her lap. “What’s with the frown?”

You groaned and threw your head back. “She’s such an asshole. She left me on read!”

The team chuckled, glad to see you was somewhat back to yourself.

Your phone dinged and you pulled it out. She said ‘I love you too, weirdo’

There were a few moments of silence as everyone was thinking of what to do.

“Can we go on strike?”

“No!”

Casey flicked your ear for that.

Tobin spoke up, “Let’s create awareness first. Maybe identify the school board, post all the school’s faults on social media. I don’t know, just some ideas.”

Carli nodded her head. “Look, we’re here for you. For everyone in that school that’s been wronged. We’re gonna help you alright?”

You nodded your head and leaned back onto your team mom.

“And if all else fails, we go on strike.”

“Oh my god.”

—————-

Lowkey think this was trash but eh. I don’t really care at this point but uh this topic is very serious and what I put in here doesn’t even compare to what happens irl.

[frostfireft]

I would love to hear more about Southern Freed and British Laxus. Please, I beg of you, tell me more

Of course! this is combining the AU we made and bits of canon stuff so that it could be used in either context!

Freed:

-Freed has South Eastern southern accent because he grew up moving around the little area where Georgia, Tennessee, and North Carolina meet. (or in canon, whatever the closest equivalent may be. I honestly don’t know)

-He also talks really fucking fast, especially when he’s excited. This causes a lot of his words to turn themselves into weird contractions that can be hard to parse through if you don’t have experience with it. (Contrary to what you might think, if someone has a southern drawl, it doesn’t necessarily mean they speak slowly. It just means they elongate certain vowels and diphthongs sounds or even just the most prominent syllable of the word. (like how “going to” becomes “gonna” but is pronounces like “gun-na” with heavy stress on the first syllable) )

-example for the last one: y’ain’t gonna’lieve thi’shit (you are not going to believe this shit) 

-He has the ability, if he’s not sleep deprived, to completely neutralize his accent. He learned how to do this explicitly because people stereotype southerners as stupid, and he enjoys seeing people’s reactions when he gets done presenting his theses or linguistic findings. He’s using their reactions to them finding out he’s southern and has a deep accent to write another theses about why judging people by their first appearance or based on stereotypes is a terrible thing to do. 

-When he really sleep deprived his words slur so bad that his own momma wouldn’t be able to understand him. 

-He’s written a few books, but no English major would be surprised to learn he’s southern. This is because no matter how well you nuetralize an accent, the tendedency to use certain colloquialisms is usually very present in any author’s style. (examples: Bless your heart, I reckon, pot-kettle, fisticuffs, doohicky, hissy fit, fixin’, Sir/Ma’am, calling a shopping cart a “buggy”)

-has used southern colloquialisms in his runes. This is part of what makes them so hard to fight and decypher. No one fucking understand them on top of them being hard to change regardless.

-He has some of the best insults, be it the super southern ones(“Well that’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.” and “She’s a few green beans short of a casserole, but that’s all right”) or just straight up sassy ones (”you’re why the gene pool needs a life guard” and “the bar was low but you brought a shovel”)

-Definitely called Laxus “highfalutin” before they became friends. (pronounced high-fo-loo-tin, means that someone is uppity and thinks their hot shit when they’re not)

-Drinks sweet tea with so much sugar that it’s damn near molasses, but hot tea with very little. 

-Would punch a cop without hesitation, ducktape and wd40 can fix 90% of problems. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” “if it’s stupid and it works, then it ain’t stupid,” definitely knows how to make and/or owns illegal fireworks, definitely went to a horse camp as a kid and can ride. 

Laxus:

-Grew up in Westminster and has an RP/Queen’s English accent(b-are-th pronounciation. this is the accent that’s  most often mimicked by people and used in movies. once again, in canon he’d have grown up in whatever the most canon equivilent is. probably Crocus, and then he moves in with Makarov after Ivan(fucking cunt) gets arrested)

- He speaks so properly and it’s a drastic contrast to the way he looks.

-and by that I mean. This man has no fashion sense. None. This is because he doesn’t want to be seen as posh, and he decided that dressing like a blind man who ran through a thift store is the way to do it. 

-Tried so hard to get rid of his accent. So. fucking. hard. He hates it because it reminds him of his dad. 

-Insults people while trying to be “nice.” He doesn’t really realize he’s doing it until after he meets Freed and sees the way he intentionally insults assholes while being “kind.” He did not understand why everyone hated him until then. 

-Would punch any other person who sounds and acts posh without hesitation. Makarov is proud of him. 

-Used to drink a shocking about of black and milk tea, but Freed got him to try a bunch of other kinds. He still won’t touch the sweet tea though. 

-His words tend to drip with sarcasm. Most people just think he’s being an asshole, but the few who understand his humor get the biggest kick out of it (Makarov, Freed, Evergreen, Bickslow, and then a few other’s later in life) 

-Would also punch a cop without hesitation. 

-he can’t handle spicy food. Like at all. He feels like he’s dying one bite into anything with crushed red pepper in it. Not that he’ll let anyone know that. 

- Absolutely loves the rain, and not just because of his magic. It makes him remember what little of his childhood was actually nice and plesant. 

-he sunburns really easy because it wasn’t sunny very often where he grew up for the first 12 years of his life. He peels really bad as it heals too. 

Fraxus:

-the first time Laxus spoke to Freed while he was sleep deprived, he had no fucking idea what he was saying. Not a fucking clue. Freed tried four seperate times to seperate his words before just giving up. 

-They argue about what the proper word for something is all the time. All. The. Time. (fries vs chips, cart vs buggy, cookie vs bisciut. 

-Laxus once watched Freed mentally die inside when a waiter offered him sugar packets because there wasn’t actual sweet tea. 

-There aren’t many dishes that they’ll agree on. Especially if they’re arguing about who will do the cooking. 

-Freed has absolutely made the food “too spicy” just to get Laxus back for dumb things. watching his partner die inside from something that barely tingles will never cease to amuse him. 

-They eventually get to a point where parts of their vocabulary make it into the other’s, and soon they have theis weird mix-matched dialect that confuses the shit out of other people. 

-They use their hellish combination of sarcasm and insults disguised as compliments to subtly insult and cuss out homophobes, concervatives, TERFS, and basically any piece of shit they come across. 

-They also argue over whether or not to fix something or buy a new one when it breaks

Laxus: Are you sure it’s safe to fix that with duct tape? 

Freed: Duck tape is insulated enough for this-

Laxus: no it isn’t. It will catch fire if it gets hot enough.

Freed: Toaster’s worked fine with duck tape holdin’ the wire for the past decade. 

Laxus: You fixed the toaster with duct tape?

Freed: It worked, dinit?

-He doesn’t mention that he also added runes to it too explicitly because it’s funny. 

-There’s a lot of stuff like this: “You dumb mother fucker, how did I fall for you?” “Because you tripped.” 

-If you insult one of them, you better believe the other will roast you so thuroughly that a bonfire wouldn’t compare all while the one of them you insulted kicks your ass into the stratsophere. 

-They both have so much respect for each other. So. Much. Respect. They’re completely honest when alone, no sarcasm, no half insults, just them. 

- Even when not alone, they fully trust each other. There’s no one else they trust to have their back the same way, even if Ever and Bicks are close seconds. No one can pick apart their mind and thought process the same way, and it comes from the fact that they argued so much before they were in sync with each other. 

-Once they get to the point of being in sync with one another (let’s be real, it propbably only takes like a year) nothing can get in their way. 

-Freed’s captain of the Raijinshuu for a reason goddamn it, and it’s not just because he and Laxus are together. It’s because he’s strong as fuck, should have been fucking S class, and he’s one of the only people who can talk sense into Laxus. 

-is the last bit partially because they’re together? Yeah probably, but Freed and Laxus are equals damn it. He could at the very least, tie a fight with Laxus. 

[totallyexhausted]

Would anyone be interested in reading?

South Park fanfiction- CREEK teenager!AU Craig gets ill one day while his slightly homophobic parents are out of town with Ruby at a recital. Tweek takes care of his boyfriend despite being a spaz, Craig gets emotional for once and calls Tweek by his real name :) 

One Punch Man fanfiction- Genos, more human than he is willing to admit, gets ill while crashing at Saitama’s. Shows a teenage side to him, and Saitama acts as a responsible adult the best he can. But let’s be real, this guy is always lost. 

Ouran Host Club Fanfiction- While vacationing at the beach (the episode Hikaru goes on a date with Haruhi), Kaoru actually gets quiet ill, thus leaving the remaining Host Club to care for him- Tamaki, having experience tending to his ill mother, can be quiet sweet when he wants. Obviously brotherly love will ensue. OR, Kaoru gets sick during a Host Club meeting, thus having brotherly scenes that girls fawn over, and later Hikaru tending to his ill little brother while their parents are out of the country. 

CAMP CAMP FF- It’s a lot to type but short version; Max is 16/17, David and Gwen are married and fostering Max after he tried to kill himself when he was 15/14 while in his father’s care. Max gets really sick; flashbacks to camp, his father, him showing up at DG’s apt when his was 14 drunk; flashback to him having heatstroke, getting high, DG understanding why Max doesn’t take his hoodie off, getting beat up, dark thoughts, etc... David has a dark side, and Gwen can be motherly sometimes.... all in all a cutsie story involving Camp Camp Fam, and of course the campers who know go to high school, and DG who are now counselors at the school. 

I have several others, plot-wise such as Voltron (Modern!AU Shiro taking care of his little brother Keith while their parents are away), my Yuri!! On Ice FF that I need to complete that has been posted on here a while ago, Rick and Morty which I need to finish that has also been posted (involving Rick and Morty escaping from alien planet and crash landing, Morty getting ill, Rick actually showing he cares), Danny Phantom (the one I need to finish with Lancer caring for Danny/ another a few days after the Accident where Danny gets violently sick whil on a Famous Fenton Vacation, which is mentioned in Daddy’s Little Psycho...), Shazam! (involving Billy getting sick for the first time with his new found family, his siblings, knowing he is Shazam, covers for him until they can’t---- God Bless Freddy and his WEIRDNESS), Spider-Man (Aunt May, not knowing Peter is Spidey --around first movie--- cares for her ill nephew, causing Ned and Tony to team up/ Tony never calls Ned “Ned” because he can’t “remember” his name/ Ned punches Flash and is a chatterbox/ Bruce remembers Ned as the nervous kid who puked while asking for an autograph)... IDK, trying to get back into writing so message me lol 

-KB

[uncurlinglikeflowers]

Queer Trauma, Coming Out, & the Long Road to Self-Love and Healing

As I’ve reflected on my past, I’ve discovered that my adolescence may be one of, if not THE most traumatic time of my life thus far as a queer person. The last few months with my incredible therapist have made me realize that the years of anxiety, panic, fear, self-loathing, confusion, and depression have scarred me deeper than I had previously thought. She also made me realize that this is at least partially because I have never really talked about it openly and in depth in a healthy and productive way before, which is what inspired me to start this blog to share my experiences with others that are currently struggling with their identity, or to allow those that are also currently healing from the trauma of their previously closeted life feel a little more seen.

I knew from a VERY young age that I was different, but didn’t know how or what it meant. I was a lonely kid for a lot of my childhood without many friends. I didn’t want to play football with the boys during recess. I sought companionship at lunch with a table full of girls more often than not, which in itself also made me feel incredibly self conscious at the time as well. 

I asked, (with incredible shame) for the “girl’s toy” from the backseat in the McDonald’s drive-thru because I loved to play with the mini-Barbies and craft entire storylines for them. They were easier to hide in my room than regular sized Barbies. I spent most summers off school alone playing video games and reading book and book after book. I didn’t really click with the boys down the street. I was obsessed with Britney Spears and the color purple. I was lonely without really knowing what it meant.

I feel as though that fear I felt in my childhood and adolescence held me back from SO much. Middle school in particular was absolute hell. I hated it. I always felt constantly insecure and uncomfortable. I had absolutely zero confidence or self love. I hated my body and how I looked. 

While other kids experienced their first relationships and first feelings of romantic love, I was convinced that it was just not a possibility for me. On top of being deeply closeted, scared, confused, lonely, and in deep denial, girls didn’t go for me anyway. I was the awkward chunky guy struggling with his identity feeling like he had to make up for it by working extra hard to get perfect grades and give himself 100% to other people. I tried not to think about it too much, but hearing about relationships, seeing people kiss in the hallways between classes, and girls talking about what they liked in boys which was the complete opposite of me... it was hell.

To make my self consciousness worse, I felt supremely uncomfortable in gym class and the boys’ locker room in particular. I was ashamed of my body and also self conscious for wanting to look at the other boys; terrified that they would catch on and beat me senseless. Hearing them consistently call each other f*g in a very VERY negative context drove me deep into the closet as the identity I already felt shame for was directly correlated with being a ridiculed outcast, and something that was inherently, disgustingly wrong and unacceptable. The worst insult teenage boys could deliver to each other in the safety of an unchaperoned locker room in a hick town often not kind to queer people or those that were different. I SO desperately wanted to fit in with the other boys instead of being any version of who I actually was.

Part of that façade of blending in with my hetero peers involved having a girlfriend for two months in 8th grade. We didn’t even kiss, let alone approach any sexual situations. I’m sure she had her suspicions. I was utterly obsessed with the concept of blending in by having a girlfriend like the other boys and just having someone special in my life, even if we really didn’t even do any couple things. 

Upon reflection, I don’t think the concept of ever being sexual with her ever crossed my mind in the slightest. Even the idea of kissing her scared the hell out of me, and not just from first kiss nerves. Deep down I knew it wasn’t right for me. Don’t EVER tell a kid they’re too young to know. Fast forward to modern times, my first kiss with a girl was with a close friend YEARS after I came out. Go figure. 

The idea of caring about and loving myself was non-existent at that time. It’s a very VERY new and ongoing journey for me. I didn’t really care about myself at all. I hadn’t learned how to. Mom was in and out of cancer treatments, and would later pass during my senior year of college and kick off my coming out process, but that’s a whole other post for another day. Spending pretty much my entire childhood watching mom deal with being sick, I didn’t want to cause my family any more discomfort. I was full of self loathing, fear, and confusion, but it seemed irrelevant and unimportant because I didn’t want to be a hindrance. 

Instead, I tried so desperately to be the perfect kid and son by befriending my teachers, being a model student, and joining band and a bunch of organizations to stay as busy as possible to stay distracted and impress everyone else.I didn’t love myself because I didn’t think I was allowed to or deserved to in my own head. While I did finally make more meaningful friends in high school, I continued to go through the motions to make my family proud to make up for the scared closeted kid who thought he had to make up for his queerness as though it were a shameful weakness, and it seemed to be the only thing that could possibly matter at the time.

Non-surprisingly, I never really knew any openly queer boys in grade school. It probably legitimately wasn’t all that safe to come out in that environment. I’ll never forget the two boys I saw holding hands in a Wal-Mart that absolutely shook up my entirely reality, because I had never seen romantic same-sex affection in person before. 

There was a lesbian couple at my school, but people said awful, degrading things about them behind their backs constantly and acted like they were the biggest freaks. Another boy in my grade in high school hadn’t come out yet officially but was very flamboyant, and thus was treated just as awful as the lesbian couple, if not worse. Other kids just regularly said despicable things about him without even knowing him at all. I even heard parents make blatantly homophobic jokes about him. 

His life had to have been hell, and as a fully out queer adult, I still regret not being able to stand up for him more. That definitely forced me deeper into the closet. He wasn’t even out but got talked about like he was some disgusting abomination. How could I ever assume that I could ever come out, let alone kiss, date, and love another boy? I HATED the idea of any attention being placed on me, so I just wanted to survive school at that point.

I had multiple people throughout high school ask me if I were gay just as though it were the most casual question rather than a triggering inquiry that sent me into a mental frenzy every damn time it was presented. Having one of the jock boys ask me such a deeply personal question in passing on the way to my seat in Algebra class was traumatizing. I of course always said no, as at the time I was still convinced it was a passing phase and that I couldn’t actually be gay. 

At home, in the days of Myspace, I got anonymous messages telling me they were pretty sure I was gay. The anonymity was arguably worse in some ways. 

At a young age, I became hyper aware of how I carried myself, talked, and acted. I loathed hearing my voice or seeing myself in pictures, for fear of sounding too feminine or standing or emoting too gay. I obsessed over the concept that boys and girls carried their books a certain way, or the boys would be labelled as queer. I was paranoid about where I shopped for clothes, the colors I wore, and the length and fit of my shorts. 

In middle school, I got a lilac colored trapper keeper for school that I ultimately had my parents take back to the store for a different one because I felt so self conscious about it all day. At home I played with my little Barbies, but didn’t dare tell the kids at school for fear of rejection and isolation. Overall, I felt grossly incompetent, irrelevant, and unimportant in my own mind. Unworthy of love and of course, deeply ashamed for my attraction to the other boys.

I never had anyone whatsoever to help guide me through the coming out process, because I didn’t know a single queer person who could. I’ve now dedicated a good amount of my energy trying to be that person I desperately could have used then for anyone else that needs that role to be filled, and for someone to tell them that someone is incredibly proud of them. An obscene amount of queer people don’t ever hear “I’m so proud of you!” when they really need it the most. 

I also didn’t have any good queer representation on TV or in movies, so I really did feel completely alone at times. Most queer characters in media existedly solely to be made fun of and mocked, ratcher than celebrated, properly represented, or God forbid, given a legitimate love story, and the public’s reaction was so frequently one of such repugnance and disapproval. 

This was also probably about the time that a close family member told me that he had punched a gay guy for hitting on him when he was younger, a story he again felt the need to share with a now ex-boyfriend and I when we were dating, as though that’s not a horrifying thing for an already scared and closeted queer to hear from their own family. 

I think during middle school in particular is when my anxiety and depression issues started, but I assumed either that I was being a baby and that my feelings were invalid, or that it was just teenage angst. The idea that boys and men should mask their emotions and feelings and feel shame rather than expressing them was, (and seemingly appears to continue to be) a very real thing in small towns and society in general. 

It didn’t occur to me at the time that I was experiencing varying levels of almost daily trauma that would fuck me up well into adulthood. If you take anything at all from this post, let it be that the conversation around mental health, (and men in particular in this instance) NEEDS to change.

Another particularly noteworthy event in my queer adolescence was when two of my friends, (both girls, shocker) discovered gay porn on my computer. While they pestered me about if it were mine while they laughed, I of course lied. I felt a deep shame and utter humiliation. On reflection, fucking IMAGINE if they had been able to be gentle and understanding with me and told me they loved me and still would even if I were gay. From then on I was terrified that they would bring that day up to our other friends as a joke. Perhaps they did a time or two, I don’t recall. These same friends made jokes about the queer kid I mentioned earlier, and both parents of one of the girls regularly gossiped and made homophobic jokes about him when I was at their house 

By the time school dances rolled around, I knew I would never be able to go with anyone but friends. Even if I weren’t still deeply closeted, I’m pretty sure my school still had pretty strict rules against bringing same-sex dates to Prom. While I definitely had fun with my friends at the dances we went to, I so desperately longed for a world where I could dance with a boy who loved me like everyone else was able to.

The loneliness and isolation I felt at the end of those nights could be unbearable because it didn’t seem possible for me, even as I looked into the future. I was fully convinced I would live a very lonely life without anyone to love me the way I craved. I didn’t belong in that world, and wouldn’t ever be set up for that kind of happiness, joy, and feeling of content. I would live for everyone else but myself because that’s just the way the world worked for us queers.

I wish I had had just one single person then who gave me full permission to be my authentic queer self on any level. Someone who could hug me and tell me life after high school and college could and would be vastly different. Someone to tell me I wasn’t an unlovable disgusting freak, but rather a kind-hearted boy who deserved a deep love someday because I was a valid and gentle soul who deserved the world. I certainly deserved more than the shame and pain that constantly haunted me. 

Maybe then I wouldn’t have thought about death before 30 so much and obsessed over it well into my college career. I might have realized that I needed to learn to be gentle with myself and take care of and prioritize me and my own happiness. So many people let me down and convinced me that I was a filthy sinner and an over-emotional kid with invalid perspectives and feelings. As most of my closest friends, (that I cannot stress enough have been the ones to save my life and encourage the authenticity that I present so proudly today) came into my life after I had already come out fully, they weren’t around during those dark early struggles. 

Sometimes as an adult I still wonder what it would have felt like and how profoundly different my life could be if someone had held me close and sincerely told me they’re proud of me for what I survived and overcame, and told me that they can’t wait to see my eyes light up with the love I’ve always dreamed of in a boy, and that I still continue to seek. 

Young, baby gay Travis would be in absolute awe if he knew what life had in store for him back then. To see a future version of himself painting his nails, wearing whatever he wanted, dancing with strangers at pride festivals, having the time of his life at drag shows with his queer family and falling in love with boys? Proudly holding a boyfriend’s hand walking downtown in a busy city? Openly telling his dad about the cute boy he’s going on a date with? Going Facebook official with a boy? Being a super vocal advocate and inspiration and mentor to not only queer family, but to people he hardly talks to but manages to influence and inspire just by unashamedly being himself? Genuinely looking forward to kissing his new husband in front of family and friends on his wedding day, knowing it’ll be one of the happiest days of his entire life? 

Holy. Actual. Fuck.

Travis of six or seven years ago wouldn’t have even dared to dream this big, let alone baby gay Travis. He probably would have been utterly mortified but SO comforted to see that future life when he didn’t believe it to be any level of possible.

I’m so fucking proud of myself for this journey, and no one will ever take that away from me or water down my trauma or the grueling work I’ve put in. Genuinely, this is the one thing in my life that makes me absolutely burst with pride. 

I think I want to learn how to keep baby Travis in mind with this pride without having to revisit the trauma in the process. Look back at him with open arms, excited to see him learn and blossom into his actual self someday. Even if he could have desperately used someone like the me I am today, he survived then, and continues to persevere today. 

He’s queer as fuck, and proud to shout it from the rooftops. He’s a voice and an advocate for the voiceless. A shining light and beacon of hope for those still navigating their terrifying escape from their closeted life. He’s going to meet a man someday and love him so deeply in the way baby Travis always dreamed of. Above all, he’s going to continue to make that little guy so incredibly proud because he knows now the importance of loving himself in the process. 

I’m so proud of that scared little boy. I just wish he could have known then how proud he would make himself one day.   

As you talk with the queer people in your life, please keep in mind that just about all of us have incredible trauma directly tied to our identities. Talk to them with love, compassion, and understanding. Tell them how proud of them you are for pursuing their own happiness in the face of oppression and rejection. 

Demand better from elected officials. Advocate for us. Shut down homophobic ideals, even if you think it’ll make your family and friends uncomfortable to hear. Support queer content, artists and creators. Be a proud ally, but don’t ever allow yourself to take the spotlight away from actual queer people or our queer spaces. Mourn, love, and celebrate with us. 

Understand why pride is SO fucking important to us, and why you never have to worry about needing your own pride events. Listen to us and love us for exactly who we are, and were always meant to be. Love is the most incredible, beautiful, and often rare human experience we’re able to experience during our short time on this planet, and it should always be celebrated.

Happy Pride!

[fanficwritersworld]

Headcannons about my OC

A/N: My OC's name is Emma Ní Chroídheán, she'd from our world in Ireland and ended up in smallville but has no reconlection of what's supposed to happen. She is massive superhero nerd and likes Jordan Kent. She is played by Odessa Adlon. And i am bored and need to info dump

Enjoy the shitshow that his my 2nd most unhinged OC

So inspired by the feralnette au

In Her World

She definetly has a giant jumper that says 'WE STAN LOIS LANE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD'

Like if anyone in her house says Lois is just a side character/love intrest they about to feel her wrath

The reason she's always out with either her cousins or bestie (whom are all male) is becuase they stop her from destroying Cork City

Everyone in her old school think her and her bestie Jordan are dating even tho he's gay with her cousin Adam

She's in an all boy's school due to the fact her birth mother has a reputation and the other school's wouldn't take her

There is one teacher that just hates Emma

Like he teaches music and english, but emma somehow always makes his lessons about Superheros

Women in History? Lois Lane fucking exsists motherfucker

Black History Month? Iris West-Allen, Kelly Olsen, Ryan Wilder, Nora West-Allen need she go on?

He also hates how every song she preforms is somehow related to DC or Marvel

Emma loves getting on his nerves since he's homophobic and hates her and her bestie Jordy

Calls him a homophobic, uneducated imbecil and the regular

Academically Emma is a star student. Behaviour wise is a different story completely

She gets more dentetions than the school drug dealers and had only gone to a handful of them

Is in her last year of Secondary School after skiping two years

Her and her cousins causing havoc during lunch is the highlight of hte 1st years day

She adopts most of the younger kids in her school

One day Jorday told her there was a kid being bullies by a thrid year and that girl ran down three flights of stairs to beat him up

she then brought the little kid to the school chill out room for a cuppa

she adopted that child faster than barry can fuck the timeline up

She has like a miny army of children aged 12-17 and she's 16

If the principal can't get the school's attention during assemblies he asks Emma to help

Emma just rgabsa mic and says 'I'm not doing good guys and you lot are giving me a headache'

silence

She's the princess of the school

No one needs to worry about her getting preggers cuase she's ace and no one there is her type

'Wait Emma who is your type?' 'Fictional characters'

On Valentines day she has to deal with students givng her superhero themed poems and treats

Half these idoits don't even know the difference between Marvel and DC

'Are you Supergirl? 'Cause I can be your Superman'

Emma punched the guy who gave it to her for the mentally disturbing shit that is now stuck in her head

She's friends with most of the teachers and mostly the SNA's (Teaching Assisants of sorts)

See as they'e mostly women too, they always help Emma out

Like they allow them to make tiktoks when waiting on a teacher or even take her out of class to relax her

Speaking of relaxing,

Emma is the definition of trauma

So when she's getting overwhelmed or is really off-balance their is a room designated for her to let all that out

What is this room?

A screaming room

Yep this bitch screams to let out her problems when she can't go to her threapist straight away

Liek she would go into the room for a like a full class (40mins) and then when music rolls around her voice is perfectly intact

Shouldnt have been a clear sign she wasn't from the universe but hey

In the Arrowverse

She absolotley calls Clark sourwolf when he has a netrual face. He still has no idea what the fuck she's on about

Definetly calls Sam out on his BS

"Jesus Christ above in heaven! Is there not one universe where you're not a dick! I prefer the NCIS: New Orleans version of the crap!"

Cue Kent-Lane family confusion

She fangirls over Kara because it's fucking Supergirl

"My favourite kryptonian? Is here? In Smallville?" She faints

Sad puppy Jordan cause Kara's her favourite

Emma calls Jon a douche over the chain

they actually become like best friends but she'll never admit it

Consantly watching her words around Lois becuase Emma knows that Lois can and will destroy her with two syllables or less

She calls Jordan 'Jord' because it's suits him more than Jordy who is her bestie and practical brother

Only Jordan can call her Em, no one else. Sam tried...

'If you ever call me Em, I will slit your throat while you sleep'

Emma's old tiktok is found in the Arrowverse

She hates Jon for finding it somehow

You know those tiktoks where its 'when they're from earth or the older sibling' but with slow music and dancing, then it changes to 'when they're an alien or the younger sibling' with fast dancing?

Jon spots Jordan in the little collage and secretly teases Emma for days

There's alos tiktok her brother filmed asking emma who her type is

'Emmy? What's your type in a guy? Or girl' 'Curly hair. Some sort of mental issue. Has a cute face'

Jordan gets a confidence boost while Emma is planning Jon's murder outloud

Emma bashes Clark for 'abondoning' Kara when she got to Earth

Lois agrees with her

Emma is no longer allowed to any Morgan Edge related functions becuase of the first time she met the idiot

She hates him so much and it pains her to not know why fully

Emma is always freaking Clark out by saying Superman facts that haven't happened in the Arrowverse

'So, you are completely sure that Lex didn't make a genetic clone of you with his DNA?' 'Yess Emma' 'Awww :( I wanna meet Conner'

'Oh yeah there's a kryptonite that makes ya gay! It just wouldn't work on me'

She knows about Crisis and Clark adn Lois beg her no to tell the boys

'You honeslty think I would tell Jordan that the only reaason he exsists is because the universe reset? I know I'm mean but not cruel'

It's becuase she has a massive crush on him

After conasant asking she snaps and lets out some of the family's other lives

'You were the wife of a modern they a grimm reaper!' points at Lois

'You were a sour werewolf that all my foster sisters where fucking simping over when shirtless!' points at Clark

'You were a fucking arsonist!' points at Jon

She hesiates with Jordan for a moment before walking up to him and whispering in his ear 'You were in the peanuts movie'

that information is between Emma, Jordan and fucking Clark's superhearing!

Somehow by magic, Emma finds a very peculiar item of clothing that she made back home

'Okay listen. I made it for my Junior Cert Home Ec CBA, do not laugh'

She pulls out a black leather jacket with the back designed 'Don't Mess With The-' and the superman crest in sticthed almost perfectly

Jon loses it completely, liek on the floor laughter.

Everyone knew that Emma was a fangirl but that took the cake

'I thought Kara was your favourite?' Lois asked

Emma goes red

'WELlleLp. This is actually a... Super....boy jacket'

Jordan goes beet red

Clark holds back his shock

Jon is dying of laughter

Lois smirks like she has all the information in the world

'Superboy?' She has such a cocky grin

"Technically it's Conner Kent's early 2000's supersuit but seeing as he doesn't exsist...'

'You are such a nerd... This is priceless' Jon cackles

'I'm sorry did you have less than three weeks to make this? Do you not know how hard it is to sew leather!? Show some respect Jon, I bet you couldn't draw that crest for the life of you' Emma screams at him

Jordan actually likes it and is so impressed by Emma's skills

Later that night he asks if he can try in on

It was kinda small but Emma took a photo with him and that is now her screen saver on her phone

'You wear it' Jordna states

Emma shakes her head 'Not tonight pretty boy now out I'm tired'

The next day she wears a full closet cosplay of Conner Kent's superboy but has her hair curled for Jordan

That boy fell for her even more

Also she wholehearlt quotes @reddpanda from tiktok on the daily that causes teh entire twon of smallvile concerned for her mental health

[laceymorganwrites]

The damn jacket

Word count: 2,210

Pairing: none rlly

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, like a sentence of Mötley Crüe slander xD, um bad structure??

A/N: this is a mess. modern AU, kinda character analysis, idek but it was fun. Inspired by @pirate-shrimp  (if any of u catch the MSI reference I will marry u on the fucking spot)

Kid had bar vibes. He was the kind of guy you found sitting in the corner of your local pub, just far away from the others not to be forced into a conversation but also not far away enough to seem lonely.

He was the local phenomena of the man you didn´t want to get close to but whose story you wanted to know at the same time. The guy who pushed people away because he was more scared of hurting them than being hurt.

Hell, he doubted he could get hurt anymore at this point, over the years he´s lost so many friendships, been betrayed so much by the people he considered the closest to him, it was laughable.

Maybe that was why he didn´t let anyone get close anymore, why he always seemed so distant, his thoughts stuck in a past long gone or perhaps a future he knew he´d never have.

A good for nothing college drop out, those were the hard facts he had to face every day.

It wasn´t because he was dumb that he quit, far from it. Kid wasn´t thrown out, he quit himself because college was too restricting for him. There were some classes that were nice enough, but working towards exams really wasn´t his style, he wanted to do something, anything really.

People like him didn´t have it easy, society measured your worth in degrees and results. But what if the way was so much more fun than the end result?

Kid had a lot of jobs to make a living, never staying in one though, he got bored so easily. How could anyone expect anyone to keep doing the same routinized thing for over 40 years? It was insanity. To him anyways.

Being punk, never fitting in, living the life of sex, drugs and rock n roll…. It all seemed so much more fun than it really was.

Kid´s band was a bad ripoff of Mötley Crüe, though some might argue that the band itself was.

Yes, he fit into some stereotypes that he was so sick of hearing: playing in a band, being that eccentric lead singer that caused too much trouble for his own good, though the second part wasn´t true anymore. Lately he just wanted people to leave him alone.

It was nice being a small town band, the bonds with your audience were so much stronger, it felt like hanging out with friends rather than playing a show for money. Kid never wanted that feeling to end, he never wanted to end up like those big bands who lost their spark, who lost that glimmer in their eyes, their racing heart when Killer counted and initiated their first song, the immense feeling of belonging whenever the crowd would sing his words back to him.

This.

This was what he was made for. Passion. That was what was missing when he was studying, he needed to do things, be that sketching or tinkering with his car or writing everything down that was going on in his head.

In truth Kid started writing because it all got too much, too many fake people around him, too many people acting like his best friend and leaving him cold the next day, too many people telling him they loved him and then spitting at him, gossiping behind his back.

A part of him missed the times when he cared, when he was shocked and hurt by this. By now it´s become so common, like the energy drink before work.

Kid didn´t have the dream rockstar life, not the one where people looked so cool shooting up in those movies, that shit was fucked up and society was sick for portraying it like that.

He only had bad experiences with drugs, living in a small town like this he saw the addicts everywhere, sad creatures who couldn´t support themselves anymore, who got dependent on things that destroyed them because nobody would help, because nobody gave a shit about them. Why would they? They were good for nothings who couldn´t work ten hours in some shitty job that didn´t pay them enough to pay rent.

The system wasn´t corrupt? Yeah, bullshit.

The problem he faced was that of a fleeting society, a society that sped up so much, never once slowing down and looking around to see what was out there. They never thought about expanding their horizons.

Schoolings were looked down upon, but at the same time cheered for. It was so strange… the craft was dying but also needed.

Nothing held value anymore, nothing lasted, nothing strove to.

Kid was happy with his life as it was now. He hated being selfish and arrogant but learned that a certain amount was needed to survive, you needed to look out for yourself before you could look out for anyone else. A local rockstar, frequent bar visitor, the best mechanic in town. All those fit him so well but at the same time he looked the part, oh how he hated it sometimes. The acquaintances he made because of his looks, because people spread rumors about him, making him more myth than man, it was pretty tiring.

Especially when they all were disappointed by the rather bland truth.

Not that Kid was bland in any way, it was just that people expected so much more from him, they wanted him to be this rebel, this punk, this heartbreaker.

Expected him to have tattoos and piercings but the truth was that he had such a low pain tolerance it was embarrassing. Yes, he bore every punch and kick he ever got without any complaints because there were parts of him that told him he deserved it, parts that hated him more than anything else.

Just try it…. there´s nothing you can do that I haven´t already done myself, you can´t hate me more than I hate myself.

Ah yes, the typical phenomenon of this generation: being way too soft and overly sensitive.

That was it, they weren´t more considerate and aware of their mental health and other people´s wellness, of identity and morals, of things that got swiped under the rug because ´it was always this way´. Why the fuck would people so desperately try to keep something misogynistic, racist and homophobic up? Just because it existed the majority of time doesn´t mean it was a good system.

Fuck, it never was.

And Kid was sick of everyone playing down those things. So what if he was a fucking crybaby and didn´t get humor? He wouldn´t take this shit anymore, yeah it mostly didn´t affect him but he got angry beyond belief for the people it did affect.

It wasn´t fair.

He couldn´t do anything? It wouldn´t matter anyway? It wouldn´t make a difference? So fucking what. He´d never know if he didn´t try.

Just now Kid finished up his work at the garage, closing up shop for the day. It was a busy day, many people who were driving through came to him to do a check up, others came by for their regular reparation. He loved that busy meant fun in his world. He was so fucking happy that he could do the things that brought him joy, that burned like a fire in his heart. And no, he didn´t care how cheesy that sounded.

Washing his hands and closing the door behind him he called Killer to let him know he was done. Killer was also just now finishing up his shift at the record shop. Now was their time to rehearse, band practice was always the best part of the day, though quite honestly most of the time it was just the guys hanging out and having a good time. And they wouldn´t have it any other way.

Kid grabbed his jacket and locked the doors before making his way to his car.

The jacket. That damn jacket.

It was where it all started. He bought that old thing from his first ever pay at the garage, his boss told him to spend it on something nice for himself, something that´d make him a man. He didn´t ever ask what he meant by that, his boss said weird things at times. But this was true, at least in a sense.

It was the first time Kid ever stepped foot inside of a second hand store and it was like heaven revealed himself to him, it was pure paradise. Just going through the aisles, finding treasures like no other, it became one of his favorite things to do.

The jacket was the first thing that ever caught his eye, the firs thing he purchased. The black leather with the yellow and dark red details, the skull on the back… it was calling to him. Those were his favorite colors, he didn´t even have to think about it before he bought it.

But what about it made him a man? It was just a jacket after all. But that´s where you´d be wrong.

It was so much more than that.

The very next day he started wearing it religiously, he noticed people staring at him at the streets but this time it wasn´t because he was a loser, it was because he looked fucking cool. The jacket boosted his confidence immensely. And it showed.

His boss complimented him and said that from this day on his journey was only beginning, and how right he was with that.

It was the day he reconnected with his high school friend Killer, he didn´t even know he was back in town, let alone working at his favorite record shop and searching for a band to play drums for. So Kid got his first guitar and played it to death, jamming with Killer and searching for others, thus meeting Heat and Wire, the coolest guys on earth.

He grew so much, finding more and more passion in his life, only his jacket stayed the same. He decided that it was time to change that.

Kid went to the crafts store and bought red leather protectors with a quilting pattern, sewing it to the shoulders of the jacket. He also decided to pimp the skull, making it his own personal jacket in painting on the goggles he wore at work, two knives as a cross because it was edgy and of course: his hair. His untamable hair that would never hold up so he got used to wearing any sort of silly glasses, sometimes even the goggles from work. Hair gel was a lie to him, so was hairspray.

He painted bright red flames in homage to his dyed hair, yeah, it wasn´t just a phase.

Everything was coming together.

He grabbed his stupidly large square blue sunglasses that made him look like a dad. Yes, Kid had a dad style. He loved second hand shirts more than anything, not the boring ones, the ones with the stupidest prints, he wore dad shoes like no one´s business and he was proud of it. He was the cool dad, the cool dad with the big car and puns that were so bad they somehow got good again. But damn, did he have talent with words. Screw not being able to formulate shit in speech, that man could write like a god, or rather the devil. Because, let´s be real, the devil sounds so much better on the mic.

Starting the engine, he drove home to at least make some room to sit for his friends, on the way he shopped for groceries too. Now that he was home he got the snacks, drinks and notebooks ready as well as the tons of pens where he never knew which one worked but never threw any away because somehow he thought he´d exchange the mines. Yeah, as if.

He threw on a black shirt and some black joggers before tying his hair up into a tiny ponytail, still his bangs fell in his face as always. It was annoying so he clipped them back with some black hair clips. He didn´t care if he looked stupid with that, at least he could see clearly now.

But getting a hair cut? No way, he looked too cool for that.

Kid opened the door when the others came and sat down on the couch with his acoustic guitar, lately they decided to play around with reimagining their songs after supporting and motivating Kid to sing rather than growl. He had such a nice guttural and gruff voice, these imperfections when singing, the edges just made the song that much more genuine.

Listening to Kid you just couldn´t help but get mesmerized, the way his biceps flexed when he held the guitar, the emotions in his eyes, the way he frowned and squinted whenever the lyrics got emotional and close to home, it made you want to protect him, to keep him happy, to keep this alive, this wonderful world he created for himself.

The others also scribbled down ideas and practiced new melodies, tried out new lyrics and solos. After a while work mixed in with private chats and the night faded into distant, nostalgic laughter and the crinkles around Kid´s eyes that showed how much it all meant to him.

[helpimstuckhere]

PART I

(apparently lmao i didn’t expect this to be as long as it became)

hello there human beings with good taste, been a while. i still wanna pour out content but i have no clue about what i can post lol plz interact with me i’m not creative. but leaving that aside for now

shall we start?

first off

yamato’s feelings

with his previous love interests yamato was not in complete control, but he felt safe with the amount he had. he couldn’t choose who he liked but he knew when and how to stop if he wanted. as a kid he was so scared of being found out by the school that he constantly hid his face behind long bangs. but yamato felt safe enough to tell nacchan, a stranger at the time, that he liked his best friend. making me think that he was more concerned about being found out than his relationship with mikeda. it was an amount he could control. an amount he was able to accept and move on. but since i want to focus on what we have in hand and that’s basically all of it when it comes to junior high years, i’ll stop here hand focus on kyousuke.

yamato’s feelings for kyousuke were simple. an unrequited love or a crush, if you will. the main reason behind his interest in kyousuke was, as he stated, him being open-minded. seeing love as love, rather it be between two man or a man and a woman. at the time, and even now that is what yamato needs to hear the most after all. that his feeling are valid and that what he feels is normal.

but other than kyosuke’s face and open-mindedness, he isn’t yamato’s type at all. for yamato, kyousuke is someone he likes to watch. he hates that he doesn’t do anything about it, but that’s the mechanism he created to protect himself. yamato did say his like was similar to kyousuke’s interest in models and idols. liking a person from afar and giving up when even the tiniest problem appears. what kyousuke said to yuiji afterwards explains it pretty well. if it was real love, it wouldn’t be that easy. after that yuiji wonders if it is the same for yamato. (smooth foreshadowing lol) that brings us to how yamato feels towards yuiji.

yamato loves until it starts hurting too much. when he likes someone, it isn’t to the point where he puts the other before him, at least from what we’ve seen. his focus is still on his own troubles and feelings. he knows his limits, he knows when to stop. he knows how to stop.

it isn’t like that with yuiji though, is it?

after all, he was able to tell nacchan, who he called shibata-san at the time, about his crush on mikeda. but right now forget telling her, who he trusts, he wouldn’t even dare accept the fact that he likes someone, let alone yuiji. not just in front of sakura but also within himself. yamato, who just wants to love normally, forces himself to be with hibino. crushing all his previous words and ignoring his own feeings and personality. whenever yuiji does something that would give yamato happiness if it were to happen in his previous relationships -like hugs and affection in general-, he feels despair. as hibino stated, he is more scared of yuiji figuring out his feelings and drifting apart than the school learning about him being gay.

i’d say yamato’s feelings slowly progressed from the start. but the breaking point that made yamato develop stronger emotions for yuiji, in my opinion, was the fight with d*i. until that point yuiji supported yamato while thinking he wasn’t able to relate to him. he believed the best he could do was to stay by his side and act like normal. landing his ear whenever yamato needed to be heard. but while punching d*i what yamato felt, he felt. he gives yamato the thing he needs the most, acceptance. after all a little hint of the same reason was enough to make yamato fall for kyousuke.

this is where hope comes in. on those swings, yamato silently thinking about yuiji’s happiness has roots he tries to bury as deep as possible, so he doesn’t have to face them. worry for the other party’s future. something he never felt for kyousuke, who he knew he had no chance with. he subconsciously already thinks there is a possibility. that maybe, just maybe if he confessed... he ignores that thought and goes further. even if they were in a relationship, what about yuiji’s future? establishing that he has a chance with yuiji, the possibility is already engraved in his mind. acceptence is easy to misunderstand, thinking there is even a tiny chance and getting hopeful is what turnes like into love. a stage that yamato maybe already reached, but cannot accept.

thus, he runs to hibino, or anyone for that matter. if he can’t stop these feelings from growing as he always does, he will make someone else stop them for him.

but what about yuiji?

yuiji’s feelings

in an ideal relationship yuiji needs communication. he expects the other party to explain their problems to be able to solve them. he doesn’t ask more than twice, and doesn’t like to be nosy. on the other hand mayu wants to be told that she is loved, she wants to be taken care of and she needs affection. but these are expectations. she doesn’t say these things until it’s too late for them to fix their relationship. just like yuiji.

the problem between the two is caused by the both of them and not just yuiji, even though he blames himsef throughout the whole thing. his brain doesn’t process mayu’s thoughts and concerns properly. and even when he’s explained at a later point, the love that would normally help him relate to her is now gone. he doesn’t understand what he is supposed to feel and even when she asks him, he isn’t even able to tell her he likes her until the very end.

this is going to be my interpretation from my own experiences so here we go. the way yuiji processes things is pretty easy to understand by the other party. he is okay with just about everything and will want to keep the relationship going as long as the other person is someone important to him. whenever something goes wrong, the moment he notices he will take responsibility so he can keep things as they are. he likes the normal and feels comfortable with the usual. even if he doesn’t agree with mayu’s opinions, and even if he finds the situation annoying, he will give in and try his best to fix it. he will do this while still speaking his mind, both to feel more like himself and because he thinks that it’s the proper way. but inside, he will also wish for the relationship to end, while hating what he’s doing. that’s because this is pretty out of character for yuiji, he doesn’t prefer himself to act that way. he wants to keep things as they are but at the same time he doesn’t want to be relied on to solve everything, he doesn’t like to think that if he says the wrong thing, the other party will end up leaving him. this makes him feel unimportant and plays into the guilt factor as well. yuiji ends up thinking he is the one at fault since the other person finds one simple reason enough to leave him.

the problem is the expectations that came with a romantic relationship. the first days of love aren’t forever, it gradually vanishes and friendship fills the void it leaves behind. what keeps the relationship going is that friendship and some affection shown by both of the partners. at the end of their time together, what mayu expected of him was genuine affection. but yuiji is a guy who is pretty true to himself. he won’t choose to lie to make the other party happy and try to be truthful, because that’s what he wants from the other as well. someone who is in love, like mayu in that situation, won’t have that kind of clear view on things. this kind of clarity will feel offensive, even. when she feels so complicated, he is able think with a calm mind, come up with reasonable explanations. but mayu doesn’t want reasoning, she wants love, which yuiji doesn’t have anymore. thus the relationship is doomed to end from the start.

it’s a different situation when it comes to yamato.

yuiji hates problems.

he hates that when everything can be fine, it isn’t. that’s the reason behind his unwillingness to be involved with yamato, but in later stages it also causes yuiji to be so involved that he feels nosy. if the problem doesn’t disappear by itself, he is willing to make it disappear. a seemingly blunt act but he does think in a complex manner. this is going to be reaching, maybe. but i wanted to include yamato, yuiji and kyousuke’s sleepover in the picture above for that reason. why am i sleeping between the two, was a question even yamato asked himself. at that time he still wasn’t clear about his feeings towards kyousuke. still, think about the yuiji that thought he would beat yamato up if he were to make a move on his best friend. the same yuiji is now willing to not just sleep next to yamato, but also let the said best friend do the same thing too. that’s yuiji’s way of showing his acceptance and trust, in my opinion. that’s the way he decides to solve things. i trust you, and i care for you. follow my example and do the same. the problem for yuiji isn’t the fact that people are prejudiced, it’s yamato’s lack of self love. he doesn’t expect the whole world to suddenly not be homophobic. rather he wants yamato to accept himself, because yuiji already did that.

up until this point, his behavior is within the limitations of a normal friendship. he isn’t the type to show, but he cares a lot. he is picky with the people around him and when he likes someone he gives his all. but there are times where he goes overboard when it comes to yamato. when kyousuke got a girlfriend, yuiji is happy for him, but a moment later he focuses on how yamato would feel about the situation immediately. when things aren’t going well with mayu, his phone keeps ringing and buzzing. he is still with yamato, helping him as much as possible even though he finds going to sakura’s unreasonable. when he punches d*i, no one thinks it is possible for him to do so. even himself. but in the end he beats d*i up either way.

he feels at ease with yamato because when he’s with him, yuiji’s own problems doesn’t matter. yamato’s troubles are at first, a coping mechanism for him. it helps yuiji get away from his own reality, and be able to have a nice time with a friend that he feels comfortable with. concerning himself with yamato’s problems so he doesn’t have to face his own. but with time, yamato’s issues become his as well. he absorbs those feelings. and unlike his relationship with mayu, he is able to relate to him to some degree. he takes yamato’s feelings seriously from the start like he should’ve done with mayu, but couldn’t. this is what makes him want to be there for yamato but feeling forced to do so when it’s mayu on the other side.

romantically, what i assume about yuiji’s feelings would be more like a headcanon so i thought to share it afterwards. all i can say is before yamato sat on that table with yuiji, he had no idea about how he felt towards him. that doesn’t mean he started liking him then and there. it was just at that point that he realized. in their situation, especially for a ‘straight’ guy like yuiji, it’s even harder for him to understand what he feels. yamato didn’t realize his emotions before because he thought having feelings for yuiji wasn’t possible. it’s even less possible in yuiji’s mind. but that said, this is true if we are to assume he even has feelings for yamato. in the end the route the manga will take depends on future situations. most likely, while yamato learns to love himself, yuiji will find the passion and love he lost within yamato as well.

that is the end of part I folks. i have a couple more pictures that i’ve prepared previously to add this post but it took waaay too long and i don’t really want to bore anyone. i also have some comic relief posts and a very wishfully thought out theory about yuiji’s feelings towards yamato. i’ll share them afterwards.

thank you so much for reading, and i wish you a great day. see you on part II! (hopefully lol)