#he pretended to be human for the first 4 months of them all knowing each other

[mac-monsters]

A vampire, a demon, and a werewolf walk into a bar

[thespineoftherighteous]

more more more more aftg show bloopers (p 4?? I think?) whoop whoop de fuckin whoop

Neil's actor being a huge Duolingo dork and in the behind the scenes while the other actors are fooling around between takes you can often see him with his head bent and hear the little 'ping!'s coming from his phone

also during late night shoots, as it gets closer to midnight he always has a point where he's like SHIT my Duolingo streak. and then just blocks out everyone while his fingers fly over his screen

(fans make compilations of him proudly showing his Duolingo streak to the camera and the number grows as the seasons progress)

(he definitely is the kinda bitch who cares more about maintaining the streak than actually learning languages)

actually omg while we're on the topic of languages

Kevin's actor tenderly reciting his French lines to Matt's actor and Matt's actor is just smitten. and he goes "say something else, love" and Kevin's actor strokes his cheek while saying another one of his lines and Matt swoons

(then Kevin's actor turns to the camera and goes "I just told him that he's a disappointment and is going to get his ass handed to him by ravens if he doesn't do exactly as I say" and, from the ground, Matt's actor goes "hell yeah you did. talk dirty to me any day of the week you sexy, sexy man")

coach's actor is always swearing to the point where they implement a swear jar...really it's just something for the kids to jokingly rag on him about, but he goes with it, and every so often they'll empty the jar to buy the cast and crew pizza

they're filming outside at night and it's cold and in between takes Matt's Aaron's and Renee's actors are all huddled together for warmth and Matt's actor gets pulled aside to get his makeup touched up and the other two just shriek at the absence of his heat and catch up to him to tuck themselves against him again

Andrew needs to snap his fingers in one scene but everyone finds out that day that his actor doesn't know how to snap so he has a little impromptu snapping lesson and of course it turns into everyone else trying to one-up each other with their snapping abilities

Nicky's actor telling everyone what he's going to steal from set (will literally say"[about Allison's bathrobe] damn that shit soft as hell. Ive been needing a new bathrobe actually. I'm stealing this" or "I'm stealing this lighter/bandana/sunglasses/etc") but because his humor is so dry everyone thinks he's joking. until months later. when the prop department can't find shit

Renee's actress is doing something completely mundane but Neil's and Allison's actors start narrating what she's doing like they're in a nature documentary (always with Australian accents for some reason??)

"and our specimen now reclines herself vertically on a piece of furniture us humans know as 'a desk.' this clearly less-developed creature seems not to understand the purpose of such an object. but given that this is her first time outside her natural habitat (the jungle) her lack of familiarity with modern technology is to be expected"

Renee's actress: *flips them off*

"ah and here we witness one of the most common behaviors of this specimen. specialists have dubbed it 'flipping the bird,' and explain it as a nonverbal expression of affection" "oh fuck off"

photo from another cold night-shoot and it's of Matt's and Dan's actors, she's standing in front of him zipped up in his hoodie, just her head poking out and they're having a conversation with other castmates like it's the most normal thing in the world, looking the very image of the couple they play

so much glorious content from shooting the dorm sleepover scene. the most popular thing to come from it is a picture from after they wrapped where the cast and some members of the crew had moved even closer to each other amid all the blankets and are asleep on top of each other

Andrew's actor will sometimes actually eat the ice cream he's given instead of just pretending to eat it, and halfway through the scene he casually mentions that he's lactose intolerant and sends the crew into a worried frenzy

if you haven't clocked it yet, these bitches are competitive. and one day, one thing led to another, and soon a bunch of the actors are all being filmed having a plank-holding competition. Dan's actress is the first to drop and she gets booed at for it because "you're an ex-stripper where tf is that upper body strength?"

she flips them off and goes to sit on Kevin's actor, hoping to squash his plank, but instead he starts doing push ups with her on his back. she grins

(Rikos actor wins that competition btw. and Neil's actor goes on a rant about "we succumbed to the ENEMY? a RAVEN? your characters would be ashamed of you" (he also lost?))

Allison's actress pretending to do a get-ready-with-me using all the stuff on Allison's vanity

Wymack's actor falling asleep in The Dad Pose™ when they're shooting a scene on the bus. and everybody gathers in to take pictures

when Kevin and Neil get all up in each other's faces their actors will pretend like they're going to kiss each other

not really a blooper but just all the actors for the foxes and the ravens mingling together in between takes and it looks so wrong

give me all the actors constantly taking the piss out of their characters

for ex during a scene where the monsters are in the car on the way to Edens, Nicky's actor looks towards the backseat where everyone is in character and goes wow what a fun crowd we are you'd never believe we're about to hit the club

night shoots are a. struggle. for Dan's actress. and the others love to take videos of her just standing on her mark with the most spaced out expression on her face

Andrew's and Neil's actors are shooting one of their typical intense, deep scenes and after one take, as soon as "cut" is called, Andrew's actor grabs Neil's face and starts serenading him with the song that's been stuck in his head all day

Renee's actress getting scolded for sneaking snacks into her costume

when Nicky's actor messes up a line (and he's the least likely of everyone to do it) he starts spewing Spanish

Andrew's actor constantly teasing his brother and Katelyn's actress whenever they have scenes together

like the two of them will just be talking together in between takes and Andrews actor will be behind the camera recording them and saying shit like "look at that MINYARD RIZZ" (or he'll use their actual last name) "hey btw [Katelyn's actor] I taught him everything he knows"

that scene where the foxes are rushing out of the dorm to check on their destroyed cars and Matt's actor just faceplants (Neil's actor: "wow. the dedication")

in one scene or other Allison's actress is drinking an iced drink and during one take she just keeps calmly shaking the ice around in her cup until one by one everyone cracks

in one scene Allison's actress is wearing sunglasses. and in between takes she lies down and on camera you can see Kevin and Matt's actors whispering trying to figure out whether or not she's sleeping because they can't see her eyes

Aaron's actor always using Neil's actor as a pillow during car scenes because they're always next to each other and they're actually hella tight irl

the kids love to steal any props that coach's actor needs to use (pens clipboards etc) before they start rolling just so they can watch him try to subtly fidget trying to find his prop before they get to the point in the scene where he actually needs it

all the actors just taking pictures together in the most brutal settings on set.

like Neil's makeup has his face all busted and everyone wants a selfie with him. they all have a photoshoot with the trashed cars. they have another one in front of the "happy 19th birthday junior" set. Neil is tied up at The Nest while they change his hair and Jean's and Riko's actors take selfies with him. another photoshoot with Neil handcuffed in the police car. all these settings in terrible scenes and the actors are in front of them with grins and peace signs

they're terrible.

[deariemay]

Regarding Isis Morales —

By the time women are 40, 83% of them will be mothers. If you do not care about the systemic oppression of mothers, you do not support the rights of most women.

Isis first became pregnant at 17. She was a baby herself, not yet finished with highschool. She described the men who were the fathers to her first two boys as “from the hood”. She stated this was an unstable and unsafe place for her children, and left.

Isis did at one point have a job which paid 90k (before tax) annually, however working a 40+ hr a week full time job is an incredibly difficult task when you are the mother of two children who aren’t old enough to be enrolled in government-funded school and need to be cared for 24/7. Childrearing and homemaking are labor, so in reality she had two full time jobs. No, on 84k a year (after tax) you cannot hire a full-time nanny, which cost an average of 60k a year in California.

America is one of the few developed countries that have no government-mandated maternity leave. Women with children are left to fend for themselves for three to six months, and often lose their jobs upon returning. We have no subsidized childcare for working women past a certain income threshold, nor child health insurance. Putting your children through college costs tens of thousands of dollars each.

Isis was homeless and had two unsheltered children with nowhere to go after her lease ended with her ex. At this point, it’s likely her and her children had no health insurance either. Her husband said he would only give her a place to stay if she married him. This is coercion. Essentially, he bought her. This is exactly what men want. They want women to exist in a society where they are vulnerable and have no place to go, where women are expected to both work themselves to death and do all domestic chores, or legally sell their body to men.

Marriage is an arrangement where women legally sell their bodies in exchange for safety. We live in a country where women are encouraged to financially rely upon men and yet we blame women for financially relying upon men. Every facet of government encourages marriage— tax breaks, shared ownership of assets, shared retirement fund, widow’s pension, shared medical insurance, and more. Whereas single mothers don’t get shit.

And yet, everyone is more upset with Isis than her husband, who raped his own biological children, aged 2 and 4. We are upset because Isis married a rich man, in an attempt to secure her children’s future. We are upset that Isis didn’t ‘make sure he was good’ as if men who seem sweet and kind don’t murder their families again and again. We’re not talking about the man who raped his own toddlers.

Isis and her trophy-wife guides are simply a reflection of what society demands of women: shave your arms, do whatever men want, pretend to be whatever they want, dress nice, don’t gain weight, be submissive, do housework. She was teaching women what men want, and she was right. Men don’t want an individual, they want a blow up doll. She did not create these standards. Men did.

Isis states, “I built this whole channel around being this man's wife.” Then, “I didn't realize that the person I married was actually going to be my biggest nightmare."

Isis herself was the product of rape and had been sexually assaulted in her childhood, and always kept a close eye on her children to keep it from happening to them (they were not allowed to be on family members laps, or kissed, or hugged if they did not want it.) Learning her husband who she devoted her life to was abusing their toddlers absolutely destroyed her.

Instead of screaming “men should stop raping their babies” feminists are screaming “she’s so stupid for not knowing better”

Some statements from feminists about Isis:

Some women would rather advocate for forced abortion, eugenics and sustaining the deeply abusive foster care and adoption system than let mothers have human rights.

Tell men in the government to give single mothers adequate financial security. Tell men to stop raping toddlers.

Focusing all your energy on yelling “stop making tradwife tiktoks” and “scope out men first to make sure they’re nice” are going to get us no where. This is why feminism is so unproductive. ‘Nice men’ is a misnomer when women are more likely to be murdered by their husbands than anyone else. Marriage needs to be abolished and women should receive government-funded full childcare support. We don’t blame men because it’s just too easy to blame women.

[lordystrange]

So let me get this straight (pun intended)

In season 1 Mike meets El in the woods. We’ve been shown other people mistaking her as a boy first, but there’s no way Mike did that. He took her home because it was love at first sight, not because he’s a caring human being and she was alone in the dark woods wearing nothing but a t-shirt in the rain.

Then he makes a plan to get his mother to deal with this in the morning. To send her back to the Pennhurst (which we now know to be a mental hospital), because it was love at first sight?

But then when he finds out she has these cool powers, he realizes she could help finding Will and he decides to keep her. Because it was love at first sight?

Then they have a few moments of understanding and a few moments of lying and fighting and it affects everyone in the party and Lucas makes the marriage comment and then the comment about Mike only liking El because she isn’t repulsed by him like most girls are. But only the marriage comment counts because it was love at first sight?

And then a few days after meeting her, right after discussing how Nancy could be El’s new sister and El asking if Mike would like her brother, Mike decides that’s the right moment to kiss her. Because it was love at first sight? And then she disappears.

Then in season 2 we see El calling for Mike in the UD. A situation parallelled to other ships like Jancy and Lumax and Byler, but unlike with those ships, the other one is not there for her. El finds her own way out with no Mike around. Because it was love at first sight?

And we saw in s1 how Mike only heard someone breathing through the radio, and even though he just saw Will’s dead body, he believed it was him and kept looking for him. But in s2 we see how Mike actually briefly sees El for a couple times and he tells Will about it, but he still doesn’t go looking for her. Even though we see him holding on to hope that she’s alive, calling for her on the radio, he doesn’t go looking for her. Because it was love at first sight?

And they are separated for almost entire season and they finally meet, Mike spends like two seconds with her and then starts raging at Hopper. Because this was not about him feeling guilty about El’s self sacrifice but instead about him being in love with her. Because it was love at first sight?

And then in season 3 they have suddenly been together like 6 months. And we didn’t get to see their journey because why would we wanna see the main couple’s first moments in a serious romantic relationship. Because it was love at first sight?

And they have been written to be this annoying couple who only make out and ignore their friends all the time. And they they have stupid, comedic fights and a break-up. And we’ve told how in these situations the boy soon comes crawling back begging for forgiveness and we do see that happening but not to El. And we also see how El doesn’t know what she likes and how Max teaches her that there’s more to life than stupid boys. Why? Because it was love at first sight?

And then shit goes down and then we have a 3 months long time skip and then suddenly El says ily to Mike and kisses him and he doesn’t kiss back but now they are back together. With no build-up to it. Because it was love at first sight?

And in season 4 we learn that Mike hasn’t been able to even write ily back to El. We learn that El wants to pretend like she’s popular to Mike because she’s insicure, and Mike tries to pretend like he’s not a nerd to El because he’s insicure. And there are fights between Mike and El because of Mike and El’s relationship AND between Mike and Will because of Mike and El’s relationship. And we keep seeing scenes with this love triangle and Mike and El’s relationship not working because they don’t understand each other. Because it was love at first sight?

And they get separated again but instead of showing us them doing some growing together or at least towards one another, we see El growing independent and Mike growing apart. Until they meet again with no kiss and clearly still not on the same page. And soon shit goes down again and we need Mike to say ily to El because that’s the only way this girl could have strength to save her bestie. Because it was love at first sight?

And then we see the monologue that’s disappointingly vague and the ilys aren’t working and Mike is pushed to do it by Will and he uses same words as Will and Eddie and he tells her it was love at first sight and we are supposed to believe him. And it doesn’t save the world, not even Max, but we are still supposed to believe him. Why?

Is this really supposed to be the main ship? The groundbreaking love story? Something unique and never-been-done-before? (Can’t argue with that tho…)

I don’t understand why people love them. Why do people love them?

Mileven shippers often say that Byler shippers only ship Byler because it’s a gay ship…

I wonder where that argument comes from. Is it possibly rooted in them only shipping Mileven because it is a straight ship?

[basedhighsenberg]

I promised y'all a rant about some of my employees the other day- after sitting on it for a few days I decided that it's worth mentioning but also "it is what it is".

I have a really really really good boss, probably one of the better people I've ever worked for. He's a year older than me and not a corporate drone which is nice. But he's also just a really good human and is very understanding when it comes to scheduling and work-life balance, such that if you give him notice about something and, especially if it's family related, he's going to find coverage for you and make it work so you can get time off.

I have three coworkers between the age of 22-24, all three are LDS. Two are girls, one is a guy who is in college. The sociopathy comes into play because all three of them take advantage of my boss SO fucking hard and it's getting to the point that I'm having trouble respecting them as people.

For context- the two girls have essentially abused my bosses good nature and now have "family events" and requests for time off 2-3 times a month for 2-3 days at a time.

Two weeks ago my boss was taking us out for dinner, on his own dime, because we made max sale quota in August. 30 minutes before we're supposed to go to dinner, the two girls were ranting in the store about how they want to make Tik Toks on company time about the "dos and dont's of going to a jewelry store". I tried to give them a heads up about our company policies involving that shit- not that I actually care, but if they plan on trying to monetize their videos and they have the store logo/brand visible, they're going to get sued. They responded by laughing and acting like children saying "who gives a fuck I don't care if I get fired by [company] it doesn't matter".

If it were up to me, I probably would have fired them on the spot for that. But it's not, so I let my boss know that this is how they were acting IMMEDIATELY BEFORE HE TOOK THEM OUT TO DINNER ON HIS DIME and he has yet to confront them about it. I can tell he is extremely hurt by how they were acting but he is trying to pretend like everything is fine.

Onto the guy. The guy in college is supposed to be our 3rd full time manager/keyholder, but since September he has been all "sorry school bye" and now will not work more than 24-26 hours a week, despite promising to make his school schedule work in exchange for us giving him the manager position. He is also now a complete finance bro and it's getting insufferable, most notably because of his endless prattling on about his "prestigious marketing program" at BYU that he will launch into 3-4 times a shift. Moreover, the other week we were discussing an issue in the store over a group chat and he interrupts the conversation, which was a little heated, to bug all of us about taking a survey for him for school. With his complete lack of awareness of all things going on around him, he's non-functional as a manager but refuses to step down because he wants the pay.

We're about to go into the busiest time of year, and my boss is beside himself some days because he's realized that none of these people are reliable employees anymore, inspite of him bending over backwards to try and accommodate them. The girl moving to Florida promised she'd stay through the holidays but I don't see her making it through November. The other girl is very impressionable and would actually be a model employee if not for the first girl, but the longer they're together at work the more likely it is we're gonna lose her too. College boy openly talks about leaving Utah as soon as he graduates so he's a problem with a expiration date.

I do not have the same managerial tact that my boss does, I would be less accommodating and much less forgiving of this behavior. But I am not my boss and don't have the ability to do anything about it- expect show up each day and be polite, but also act like God send me as a punishment to these sociopathic idiots to protect my bosses good nature.

Or, I can clock in, abide, and clock out. We'll see.

[sarthakischill]

Hi,

It's been a long time since the last post, Thank you reader for sticking with me for the last few months.

(Breaths Deeply) The last time I wrote it was November, A lot has happened, lot has changed in the last 4 months, and I assure you the vibes are going to be completely different this post.

I've thought about why i didn't write something to post, Why didn't I? I pushed myself at times, I must've written "Write" Hundreds of times as a message to myself on WhatsApp, instagram, in my every diary, sticky notes, and on the soft board beside my table, but I couldn't, I didn't.

Doesn't mean i didn't write, I did but it's like I journaled, I didn't write something that I would wanna share, considered how much there was to share.

People being the most of it, followed by significant incidents, achievements, Memories and Adventures.I convinced myself with a few thoughtful reasons i didn't write a post to share,

One of the reasons being that I posted when I had something unsaid, i wanted the few readers to read and know. I was unheard and this was my place to be heard.

I didn't post here because I was being heard by people who mattered the most , there's rarely something that goes unsaid and just dumps into my mind.

Bare in mind that this is what I thought untill January, but obviously it was just an excuse, there was always so much to write, and share, I shouldn't be doing this just to share which is unsaid. I'm here for myself, and these posts are mostly for me, I do come back every now and then and read them from the start, like I read my journal, helps understand the timeline, the change, the progress and the failure.

I'd say to my future self that I'm sorry I hadn't written in a while, I was trying to participate. And I tried writing but there was so much to write that I gave up, I won't again.

So, From october my life has changed a lot, New people came into my life, the old ones got closer and some left, abruptly even, they know who they are, the ones who give up so easily, even after constant efforts, they couldn't do the bare minimum of 'Staying', People found reasons, with some it felt inevitable, with some it was dissapointing, Frustrating at times. My friend atharva va says, "They'll stay if they want" and he's right so I'll do my part and leave this be, but I will write about each one of them, I'll let em know.

I promised the vibes are gonna be different. So, i found people, who's vibe matched with me, who respected and cared as I did, I'd say Genuine people, who are very similar to what they seem or pretend to be, and not some entitled, uncourageous, childish delusional, evil fucks.

The fact that college was about to end allowed me to do a lot of things, and I'd say I never expected life to be so happening suddenly. It's natural human behaviour to act at the precipice of something. The things i decided never to be a part of, things I never wanted to do but I did enjoy them and many firsts.

The countless late night rides, meals and desserts, the shopping, eating street food, the singing and dancing, the binge watching together, the injuries and adventures. Ohhh I'll remember these days, and so I'll share them here. The most shocking of them all was Her. Something i never expected would happen. She deserves much more than a part of a post, and she'll get it.

Sorry, If you read till here, I'm not gonna say anything else right now, I'll do soon enough. I'll just rewatch The perks of being a wallflower and listen to Charlie's last letter for the 100th time, shut my eyes thinking about life that I'm about to live influenced by the life I have lived, and probably fall asleep, hoping that I wake up dreaming, ohh dreaming, something that hasn't happened in almost 10 years, I've forgot how it feels.

Untill next time,

Sarthak :)

[kyuremking]

For the Pegasus Time Travel AU

How will the Santias React and interact with the Pegasus Saints? as did any of them had an story with Eris and the Dryaads? I'm a bit curious as remember Sho is in parallel with the events of classic.

(Vol 1-3 happened before Seiya arrived Japan, Vol 4-6 happened alongside Sanctuary Arc and Vol 7-16 was post Sanctuary pre Poseidon as it happened during the 1 month time skip)

who will encourage Shoko who's still grieving about Kyoko Eris?

The truth is that in tt pegasus I hadn't thought about the saintias because with the pegasus it's enough to handle. But they have a more important role in Angst Pegasus.

So, this is going to be quite long because I'm going to explain how Eris came to be defeated in the war that preceded the Hades war. But first a couple of things in case the saintias were in tt pegasus.

Mii ends up pinned to the wall next to Tatsumi and Jabru by Felix's courtesy when he and Seiya arrive at the mansion. Felix, thanks to his training as a Pisces saint, has a strong connection with plants and quickly becomes aware of the dryads' presence.

At this moment Felix is the most dangerous person in Japan, he has poisonous blood and the Eighth Sense awakened. The dryads try to tempt him and he ends up sending them as poison bombs back where they came from (Eris is not happy about that).

Also Felix has been putting Eris's seeds of discord into suspension (which leaves the person in a coma) or killing those who have awoken by reducing Eris's army. It's turning out to be a real problem and if Eris dares to show herself she's going to die(and Kyoko too) but she doesn't dare, she's not stupid.

The saintias academy ends up destroyed(because I hate it) by Detahmask(who takes Herve with him). It's a dryad's nest there's no reason to cry for that place but Erda now wants to kill Herve too(good luck with that).

And I think Tenma is the best to support Shoko with the issue of Kyoko being possessed since that's what he went through with Alone, but he shouldn't mention that they died shortly after fighting Hades.

Ganzorig knows Saintias best as his last wife was one and he lived with her for thirteen years. Before she died performing the Athena Ex-Resurrection (I don't like this technique but I have come to convince myself that it has some reasons to make sense).

The thing is that Ganzorig also judges them very strongly. He judges them as weak specifically.

And he compares them to his wife and partners all the time. Because the Saintias of his time also had to function as golden saints due to the lack of them during the first stages of the thirteen year war against the army of Hades that Ganzorig lived through.

They didn't have Aquarius, Pisces, Scorpio or Sagittarius saints in the beginning. Or the ones they had died and they had to find substitutes.

They didn't believe that the saintias should only be there to accompany Athena, but that they should be as strong as they could be, because they are not only saintias, they are also saints.

They all had their seventh sense awakened and Ganzorig's wife, Andromeda Leka even achieved the Dress.

Now the story of the first war against Eris and Ares.

With Poseidon sealed, Ares and Eris thought that humans would begin an era of peace with Athena as their leader and they didn't want that.

So they started a war against her by planting seeds of discord in the people to start conflicts and fought against her.

This happened two years after Athena settled down and Rodorio and Bellerephon joined her. So after several battles the final fight was fought. As their respective armies fought each other the great confrontation occurred.

Athena, Rodorio and Bellerephon vs Ares and Eris.

It was a long and complicated battle that seemed stalemated.

Until Athena turned the ego of the gods against them, after a powerful attack by Ares, Athena, Rodorio and Bellerephon pretended to be badly wounded which made them think they had won and let their guard down.

So when Ares approached and raised his sword to cut off Athena's head, she buried Nike in his chest destroying his armour and relied on Rodorius to finish him off while she and Bellerephon fired the Sagittarius god-killing arrow at Eris.

Rodorio having awakened the eighth sense during the battle gave his all in that blow and managed to kill Ares body and soul (he wouldn't have made it if Athena hadn't wounded him).

Athena and Bellerephon shot the arrow at Eris, managing to destroy her armour and body as well as terribly damaging her soul. Unfortunately by failing to destroy her completely it gave Eris time to infect one of the nearby saints (from whom Olivia, Kyoko and Shoko are descended) with her blood.

And Eris ended up split in two, on the one hand her will the winged serpent spirit that fled and her power that Athena sealed in the real golden apple.

The apple remained in Athena's power until she decided to start the cycle of reincarnations after the war against Hades.

Athena created the saintias as a way for her reincarnations to be taken care of, but their true and hidden purpose was to keep an eye on Eris' lineage of cursed women.

Then deciding that leaving the apple in the Sanctuary with Eris' power sealed was too dangerous. Together with Rodorio who had already awakened the ninth sense she created the Neo Repulse as a way to send Eris' power and armour into space.

This way even if Eris' will managed to attach to her human vessel, she would not be able to access her full power.

But Eris turned out to be very clever and found a way to return to her full power as shown in Saintia Sho.

[slashyrogue]

Stories You Can Only Read on My Patreon

Hannigram AU: Heat Partner - 2/?

tags: omegaverse, season one divergence, omega will, alpha hannibal, fake mating, friends to lovers, eventual mpreg, pining, friends with benefits, not a cannibal hannibal, jealousy, misunderstandings, heat sex

Will unexpectedly goes into heat when he's at Hannibal's house for dinner and exposes himself as a hidden omega who's been on blockers for as long as he can remember. When Hannibal offers to be Will's heat partner to help him regulate his heats to normal again, it's hard to resist his invitation even if he inadvertently told Jack they were courting.

Can they pretend to be fake mating while keeping their instincts at bay, even as each heating month grows more and more carnal?

Or will they finally admit what they both knew all along?

Hannigram AU: Plaisir - 1/?

tags: omegaverse, true mates, sex worker will, voyeurism, breeding bench, brothels, hypersexual will, doting alpha hannibal, eventual kidnapping but like in a nice way, best customer hannibal, knotting dildos, paddles, additional tags to be added

The moment he stepped into “Plaisir” Hannibal knew it was unlike other clubs of its kind.

You had to pay to play.

When "The Toy" is first revealed to the crowd he's desperate to be the first to pleasure the omega inside the box. He knows "The Toy" is his, and if this is the only way to please his omega, then so be it.

But soon he can't be satisfied with just watching.

He has to be the only one.

So he takes what he knows is his.

Can he get 'The Toy' to see he'll do anything for him?

Or will he be destined to pine for his true mate forever leaving him not satisfied enough?

Hannigram AU: A Pleasant Surprise - 3/?

tags: omegaverse, mpreg, surprise daddy, omega hannibal, alpha will, artificial insemination, surprise sperm donor will, friends to lovers, season one divergence

Hannibal unexpectedly announces he's pregnant at a dinner party, Will is at first jealous but then quickly realizes that Hannibal may have somehow gotten hold of the sample he was told wasn't viable when he lived in Louisiana. He vows to be there for Hannibal even if it's not his baby, but desperately thinks it is.

As their instincts make it hard to resist each other it's hard not to fall into each other's arms.

But....Will they last?

Hannigram AU: The Gift - 5/?

tags: omegaverse, season two divergence, kidnapping, mpreg, pregnant omega will, alpha hannibal, alive abigail, true mates, pining, eventual murder family

Hannibal kidnaps and takes him away after finding out his lies and Will refuses to kill Jack because Will is pregnant with his child. He tells Will he won't kill him but will not let him go. As Will fights against his deepest instincts he can't help but crave Hannibal more and more.

Soon it becomes hard not to want to give in.

Would it be so bad to be happy with his true mate even if it means becoming the monster he never wanted to be?

Spacedogs & Hannigram AU: If You'll Be My Star, I'll Be Your Sky - 4/?

tags: werewolf mage nigel, werewolf hannibal, temporary character death, literal star adam, former wendigo will, mage darko, angst, true mates, pining

Nigel's brother gives him a job to kill someone who's taken his former wendigo mate who every thought was dead, Will Graham. When Nigel comes upon the house in the North Woods he doesn't expect to find a literal fallen star named Adam with more power than he can handle that Nigel knows is his true mate, and a completely human Will who vows he doesn't want to return.

He vows to stay with them forever, and ignore Hannibal's needs but soon is thrust into a war and may lose Adam forever.

Fantastic Creatures Au-Gust Continuation - 2/?

Keeping this one under wraps till the day that the snippet comes out.

Spacedogs AU: Until the End of the World - 1/?

tags: omegaverse, omega antichrist adam, human alpha nigel, pining, true mates, murder, religious imagery, protective adam, powerful adam, additional tags to be added

Adam has spent his whole life waiting for Nigel.

When he finds him things don't go according to plan, but he's determined to make Nigel see they belong together.

But if he can't?

He'll let the world burn.

Spacedogs AU: Mine to Keep - 4/?

tags: kidnapping, forced sex work, submissive adam, attentive nigel, manipulation, gaslighting, forced public sex, dubious consent, nigel is a bad guy but he's nice about it, crying

Adam Raki is kidnapped and forced to work off his father's debt to Nigel, a mob boss his father gambled with. Nigel promises he'll let him go when his debt is paid, but in reality has no plans after seeing how pretty he is when he cries.

Hannigram AU: Eat, Prey, Love - 1/?

tags: serial killer hannibal, bartender will, eventual bottom hannibal, smitten kitten hannibal, will has secrets too, jealous hannibal, doting will, lots of sex

Hannibal stumbles into The Doghouse, a bar he normally would not be caught dead in, hoping to find someone to kill. He meets a very handsome bartender who seems interested but keeps pushing him away.

What is Will hiding?

And can he get him to give into their growing attraction without his own anger making him kill the man who makes him ache?

Hannigram AU: Instinct - 3/?

tags: omegaverse, cheating (together not on each other), true mates, omega will, alpha hannibal, angst, pining, heat sex, lots of sex, additional tags to be added

Will's father dies and his mother unexpectedly comes back into his life, and when he goes to meet her for the first time he's shocked to find out the alpha she's living with is his true mate.

He begs Hannibal not to tell her, and they decide to meet in hotels and other places to indulge in their growing want.

How long can he hold back his need?

And Will Hannibal be able to keep the secret as long as he wants him to?

Hannigram AU: Enceinte - 2/?

tags: omegaverse, season three divergence, angry pregnant omega Hannibal, desperately in love alpha Will, kidnapping, angst, mpreg, additonal tags to be added

Omega Hannibal finds himself pregnant after running away with Bedelia and leaving Will and Abigail bleeding out on his kitchen floor so he runs from her, hoping to ignore the ache in his chest begging for his alpha, but soon decides the best way to curb the pain is to kidnap Will and keep him until he's no longer necessary.

Will has other plans.

Spacedogs AU: OmegaYouHorny - 2/?

tags: omegaverse, omega nigel, alpha adam, surprise heat, surprise mpreg, cam boy nigel, some angst, mostly fluff, bottom nigel

Adam hears about an omega called 'OmegaYouHorny' and becomes fixated on the omega's live shows, quickly only being able to get off to him exclusively.

He's more than surprised to see him at an ATM and compliments him, sparking Nigel's anger, but soon they grow heated and have sex as they get trapped in the ATM vestibule when the power goes out.

A few months later OmegaYouHorny starts looking sickly online and when Adam meets Nigel again he gets the surprise of his life.

Nigel's pregnant, and Adam is the father.

Can these two strangers navigate their attraction while trying to do what's right for their child?

Spacedogs Untitled Reincarnation AU - 2/?

tags: reincarnation, immortal nigel, human adam, strangers to lovers, absentee father nigel, internalized homophobia, misunderstandings, pining, additional tags to be added

Additional characters: Nigel's elderly daughter Greta

Nigel has spent the last two hundred years watching the love of his life die after he finds her again and again. When twenty years pass without seeing her, he decides there's no reason left for him to live.

A beautiful blue-eyed man interrupts him, and unbeknownst to Nigel just might be the one time he gets to love without watching them die in his arms.

If his daughter will let him.

Hannigram AU: Nanny - 4/?

tags: age gap, eighteen year old will, older hannibal, kidfic, alive mischa, serial killer hannibal, emergency room doctor hannibal, slight sugar daddy, pining, strangers to lovers, live in nanny will, additional tags to be added

Will's father tells him he has to get a job the minute he turns eighteen or be thrown out of the house, so when he stumbles upon an ad looking for an experienced nanny he lies and gets an interview.

But little does he know that Dr. Hannibal Lecter is more than just the caring brother to his younger sister, and the plethora of nannies who 'quit' may have not been given a choice.

Hannigram AU: Stray - 10/?

tags: fluff, some angst, cat lover hannibal, dog lover will, serial killer hannibal, oblivious will, some murder, strangers to lovers, eventual murder husbands

Will is out hunting for stray dogs when he comes upon Hannibal, who does the same for stray cats. He's instantly smitten, as is Hannibal, and soon they're meeting on their hunts. Though Will has no idea Hannibal doesn't just hunt for strays, and sometimes he doesn't wait until they have no owners.

Hannigram AU: The Design of Desire - 8/?

tags: sci-fi, futuristic, robot hannibal, human will, fluff, some angst, violence, bottom Will, additional tags to be added

Will is a lonely mechanic who fixes things for a living: food systems, ports, but mostly robots. When he comes upon a robot with no standardized number and no model name, he brings it home with the intention of fixing and selling it.

The robot has other ideas.

Spacedogs AU: Starry Eyed - COMPLETE - 20 chapters 

tags: kidnapping, love at first sight, fluff, angst, pining, strangers to lovers, violence, some blood

The first time Nigel met Adam was by accident. 

Or rather, it was because he was breaking into his apartment. 

When he begins to grow obsessed with him, sending gifts and stalking his apartment, it draws the attention of his rival LeChiffre who threatens Adam so Nigel decides the best way to keep him safe is to kidnap him and take him into a remote cabin in the woods until LeChiffre's attention goes elsewhere.

Adam does NOT agree.

Hannigram AU: A Husband for Christmas - 39/?

tags: fluff, hallmark movie-ish, kidfic, billionaire Hannibal Lecter, single dad Will, pining, first kisses, pining, some angst

additional characters: Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller, Jimmy Price, Duncan Vizla, Will’s daughter

Will Graham is a high school teacher who is struggling with money to give his five year old daughter Emma a decent Christmas. He takes her to see Santa at the mall one busy Saturday and after standing in line way too long Emma needs to use the bathroom.

Which is when he meets Mr. Hannibal Lecter, billionaire CEO of Lord & Lecter stores, who lets them use his private bathroom and gives Emma a special private session with the mall Santa.

Will is extremely grateful, and very attracted to the man entirely too out of his league. He leaves expecting never to see him again.

And wakes up on Christmas morning to a mountain of presents outside his door. Soon he’s seeing much more of Hannibal than he ever thought possible, and desperately trying not to fall in love.

Hannigram AU: Bon Appetit - 2/?

tags: waiter will, serial killer hannibal, best customer hannibal, love at first sight, sugar daddy, age gap

Will is a struggling waiter who has been eager to see, Dr. Lecter, the "best" customer of Bon Appetit since he started working there but the man never seems to come in when he's working. He takes the Valentine's Day shift and is excited when his coworkers announce Dr. Lecter has arrived but is in his friend Bev's section. When an unexpected accident leaves him taking Dr. Lecter's table, he's suddenly asked to spend the evening with the man and soon learns that there's much more to the "best customer" than he ever expected.

Hannigram AU: Worth the Trouble -

Book 1 - 21/21 chapters - COMPLETE 

Book 2- WIP - 6/? - WIP

tags: talk of abuse by parent, panic attacks, talk of past trauma by parent, pining, slow burn, younger man/older man, mafia type au, hannibal extended universe character appearances, alternate universe, animal injuries, other addtional tags to be added - WILL POV

additional characters: Nigel, Beverly Katz, LeChiffre, Duncan Vizla, Adam Raki

There was an unspoken rule no one talked about in Wolf Trap, yet everyone knew.

If you need help, go to Dr. Lecter.

Which is why a broken, bloody, nineteen year old Will Graham goes directly to him kills his abusive father. From that moment forward Will Graham pledged his allegiance to Dr. Lecter, even as he pined deeply to be closer to him and kept himself at a distance.

He had no idea that ten years later he’d be part of Hannibal’s inner circle, and in his bed.

The story of how he got there, well, that’s a very interesting indeed.

Hannigram AU: Emboite - 7/?

tags: omegaverse, omega hannibal, alpha will, age gap, ballerina hannibal, mechanic will, true mates, rut at first sight, slight angst, bonding, mpreg

Will Graham was thirty one years old, unmated, and shockingly…unpresented.

It made for a very bleak dating history, mostly people who wanted to trigger his presentation and ended up extremely disappointed or angry they didn’t.

So when he decided to just give it up for good and live his life alone he was a little sad but resigned to his fate. Then fate pushed him in another direction when in the midst of seeing the debut of prima ballerina Hannibal Lecter, the most gorgeous omega he’s ever seen - he goes into a rut and presents as alpha. 

Will can’t stop thinking about Hannibal, aching to see him again, and knows it’s not possible he ever will. 

Until he goes to get coffee and there with car trouble is Hannibal. 

Is this fate? 

Or is the universe just playing a cruel joke on him?

And....is Hannibal an omega way out of his league or...his true mate?

Hannigram AU: The Unexpected Donor - 3/?

tags: omegaverse, mpreg, omega hannibal, alpha will, fluff, murder fluff, smitten kittens, heat sex, courting, flustered hannibal, strong alpha will, manipulation gone wrong, enventual happy ending, change of plans, additional tags to be added

Hannibal chose the father of his child by three categories: intelligence, attractiveness, and family lineage. He had many men in mind, strong candidates of all kinds, and was quite ready to lure one of them, Cam Winston, into bed for what was to be little more than an insemination.

Then, of course, as he pulled into the gas station only mere miles from Cam Winston’s home at just after nine o’clock, he saw the most beautiful alpha he’d ever seen in his entire life.

Hannigram AU: I See You - 29/?

Tags: singer will graham, serial killer hannibal lecter, younger man/older man, additional tags to be added, love at first sight, phone calls, kisses, eventual murder husbands, gaslighting, murder

Like any good love story, this one starts out with a mistake.

Hannibal’s mistake is changing the radio station in his car on the way home from a hunt, and landing on a rock station. CNBL 201.3 is not his preferred listening genre, but the voice coming through the speakers is haunting.

Soon he’s listening to all “This is My Design” has ever recorded and falling in love with the voice of the singer, a beautiful young man named Will Graham. When they share a chance encounter it changes both their lives in more ways than one.

Spacedogs A/B/O AU: For Your Arms Only -  6/?

tags: omegaverse, possessive Nigel, forced sex work, forced breath play, non-con, talk of past abuse, spanking, domestic abuse, talk of forced abortion, talk of underage assault (not between mains), choking, trauma, consensual breath play, submissive adam raki, heat sex, crying, age gap, scars, eventual happy ending, additional tags to be added

The breeding house sends alpha Nigel Ibanescu, fresh out of losing his intended omega, an invitation to a viewing and he sets his eyes on omega Adam Raki and decides to put all his anger on using Adam in every way possible. But soon he finds himself torn between his instincts and his plans.

Hannigram AU: For Your Eyes Only - 11/?

tags: omegaverse, possessive Hannibal, forced sex work, forced breath play, non-con, domestic abuse, consensual breath play, crying, talk of underage assault (not between mains), choking, violence, traumatic pelvic exams, trauma, age gap, scars, talk of forced cutting, serial killer hannibal lecter, heat sex, eventual happy ending, additional tags to be added

The breeding house sends thoroughbred alpha Hannibal Lecter an invitation to a viewing and he sets his eyes on omega Will Graham and decides that the cure to his boredom might be breaking this omega apart. But soon he finds himself torn between his instincts and his plans. 

Spacedogs AU: Marry You - 19/?

tags: strangers to lovers, surprise proposal, love at first sight, fluff, some angst, stalking (not my mains), additional tags to be added

Additional characters: Gabi, Darko

Adam Raki brings his girlfriend Beth to a fancy restaurant with the intention of proposing but gets there very early, sitting at the bar where he meets a very attractive bartender named Nigel. Nigel is very nice, nicer than Beth really, and when Beth drags him away Adam is sad when Nigel looks angry. He’s very nervous still and runs to the men’s room unable to get inside so he goes outside instead where he sees Nigel again smoking. Nigel questions his intentions with Beth, and Adam gets angry running inside to propose. He’s shocked when she leaves him there, and Nigel drags him to the bar where he suggests that Adam ask him. 

So, he does. 

And Nigel says yes. 

Can two complete strangers find a happily ever after?

Hannigram AU: Marry Me - 18/?

tags: strangers to lovers, surprise proposal, love at first sight, not a cannibal Hannibal Lecter, fluff, so much fluff, literally the tiniest amount of angst, additional tags to be added 

Will Graham brings his girlfriend Molly to a fancy restaurant with the intention of proposing when he first sees Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal is the best looking man he’s ever seen, and the most attractive person in the room, but he tries to focus on the task at hand, nervous enough that soon he runs into the “hot guy” in the men’s room dropping the ring and snapping at him when he questions if Will wants to marry Molly at all. When he returns to propose and Molly rejects him, Will is stunned and gets pulled to Hannibal’s table where to his shock Hannibal suggests that he propose to him, a complete stranger, instead. 

So, he does. 

And Hannibal says yes. 

Can two complete strangers find a happily ever after?

Hannigram AU: His Father’s Eyes - COMPLETE - 47 chapters 

tags: omegaverse, cheating (together not on each other), true mates, devil hannibal, human will, mpreg, omega will, alpha hannibal, murder, graphic depictions of violence, cults, rosemary’s baby au, antichrist, manipulation, gaslighting, trauma, child death but not theirs, eventual happy ending

Additional characters: Beverly Katz, Matthew Brown, Mrs. Komeda, Bedelia Du Maurier, Alana Bloom, Margot Verger, Mason Verger

A newly married couple gets an apartment in an exclusive building and the unstable omega meets the charismatic alpha doctor from the top floor who may be more than he seems. 

Hannigram A/B/O Regency AU: Mr. Lecter - 16/?

tags: omegaverse, mpreg, regency au, movie au, mistaken identity, pining, angst, lots of angst, age gap, true mates, additional tags to come

additional characters: Adam Raki, Lechiffre, Matthew Brown, eventual Nigel

Will Graham finds himself rejected from the alpha who bred him and is shown kindness by a newly mated couple of wealth, but after watching them both get murdered by highwaymen he wakes up in a fancy home where everyone is calling him by the dead pregnant omega’s name. 

So, he tells a lie hoping to give his child a better life, but to his horror realizes that in order to keep his ruse he must reject his true mate. 

Can he keep up his life? 

Or will his instincts cause him to lose everything he’s worked so hard for?

Hannigram AU: A Bump in the Night - 12/?

tags: human/monster romance, gaslighting, murder, pining, codependency, monster under the bed hannibal, college student will 

Will had, for as long as he could remember, always heard a voice.

It began quietly when he was young, almost a whisper.

Hello.

He answered the voice back, curious about why it was there, and that’s how his relationship with Hannibal began.

Just one word.

Hi

Hannigram AU: Grave Fate - 10?

tags: omegaverse, true mates, serial killer hannibal, omega will, alpha hannibal, mpreg, murder husbands, abusive relationship (not with mains), matthew brown, murder, hannibal lecter to the rescue, good alpha hannibal, trauma

Omega Will Graham crawls out of a shallow grave after one last meeting with his abusive ex-alpha Matthew Brown and falls at the feet of an alpha in a plastic suit covered in blood who tells him his name is Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal takes him home, vowing to kill the person who tried to kill him, and soon Will starts to realize that maybe, just maybe, the perfect alpha for him might be a serial killer. 

Hannigram AU: Fresh Meat - 10/?

tags: serial killer hannibal, kidnapping, forced loss of body part, eventual murder husbands, pining, forced murder, chains, cannibalism, movie au

Will is driving home late when he realizes he needs dog food so he stops at a strangely open fancy supermarket and gets kidnapped by Hannibal Lecter, a serial killer who sells human body parts to the upper class. Hannibal tells him he’s next on the menu but soon he realizes the only way to survive is to endear himself to the man who wants to kill him. When playing at murder begins to blur Will wonders if he really wants to go, and if the ache he feels with Hannibal isn’t fear but possibly might be....love. 

Hannigram AU: The Alpha Next Door 37/?

tags: physical and verbal abuse by parent, mentions of rape by parent but no actual rape by anyone, alpha beta omega, mpreg, younger man/older man, gaslighting, serial killer hannibal, emergency room surgeon Hannibal, sad younger will, praise, unhealthy attachment, consensual urderage relationship, murder 

Additional characters: Beverly Katz

Seventeen year old Will has not yet presented but can feel it coming soon and knows that he’s going to be an omega. His abusive father hates omegas because of his mother who left them, so Will isolates himself away from any alpha influence hoping to stretch out his first heat until after he’s turned eighteen. It’s just his luck that a good looking, single alpha doctor moves in next door and he’s immediately drawn to this stranger even before meeting him. His urges and slick begin to worsen as he stays away from this alpha until a chance encounter throws everything into a tailspin.

Hannigram AU: The Baby Bargain - 28 chapters COMPLETE

tags: pining, age gap, omegaverse, mpreg, pining, murder husbands

Eighteen year old college student Will loses his scholarship on his first day of school and goes to his counselor who tells him there’s nothing she can do. He runs into another student by chance who tells him about “Omegas Wanted” where omegas offer themselves as surrogates to couples who can’t conceive for money. Will puts himself up there because he really doesn’t want kids and it seems an easy way to make the money he needs. He gets a reply from Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who is a single alpha that wants to have a child. The minute Will meets him he’s drawn to the older alpha and yet he says yes. As the months progress Will begins to realize he’s made a huge mistake and yet he knows he can’t say anything to Hannibal. He can get through this, right?

Hannigram AU: Donor 12 chapters COMPLETE

tags: pining, mpreg, season one au, mpreg, omegaverse, heat sex, surprise love confessions, crying

Season One AU

Omega Will mentions he’s had his monthly appointment where he’s been told his last fertile years are almost at an end. Alpha Hannibal offers to donate sperm so Will can have the child he desires. When he fails to get pregnant by insemination during his heat Will gives into the growing need and tells Hannibal he needs more. After Will realizes he’s finally pregnant his upset about the whole thing only grows because he’s pining for someone who doesn’t want him. Can he get through the next nine months without telling Hannibal how he truly feels or will he face possible rejection? 

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

December

hello everyone, i know it's already day 23 of January 2024, literal almost a month after the month ends and is already on another year, but at least i'm here yaaay (i really need to start writing the monthly post a week before said month ends 😭)

December was actually, just as thrilling cliff-hanging as November! thing is my countdown to my other coldplay show was finally down to under 50 days and it was also the end of the very first semester.

just in the true fashion of my life, my adventure this time is: going back and forth between Jakarta and Tasik in under 24 hours (22 hours to be exact!) on a back-to-back journey just for school and seeing my hometown again 😂

so, as you can tell, i have so many assignments and one of them is a practical skill's lab project where i have a typodont (a phantom model of human teeth embedded in wax) and i pretend to apply orthodontic treatment on it to correct the malocclusion. it was not easy at all. it's quite literally a simulation of what will happen and what should i do when i treat an actual patient. the project lasted for almost five months and even the class didn't stop once the semester break came around, that is why i had to go back and forth between Jakarta and Tasik: i don't want to lose my holidays while still having to attend the weekly class 😂

some will say i'm insane because it's so tiring to do so and indeed it was super exhausting. but if you know me, i'm the type to do just about anything for my loved ones (my parents were staying at Tasik to take care of things and it's been a while i visited my grandparents' last resting place) so it was no big deal at all to endure 7 hours of bus trip each and then 1 hour commute to the station/home. a total 16 hours in 48 hours timeframe spent on the road. and it's worth it, every second of it, because i got to relax and work in the middle of lush green and rice fields... it was the very definition of healing time. i was still under the pressure of stress and deadline to finish that last project, but at least i did it while being surrounded by serene nature and with my mum and dad 😂😂😂 it's such a nice drastic change to do wire bending with all my pliers and stainless steel wires and orthodontic brackets with herd of ducks quacking loudly near me and farmers ploughing soil to plant rice seeds... best part? zero pollution! no light/sound/air pollution whatsoever and i get to see amazing sceneries right out of my windows every day! rain every evening to help me and my mum water the plants (which are thriving!) Mt Galunggung in its majestic full view... woah. it's my best treasure tbh nothing else compares

the most unexpected thing was that our class for that subject/project is usually scheduled on Thursday (so for the first back-and-forth journey i made sure to go back to Jakarta on Wednesday and get back to Tasik on Thursday right after the class ended) and for the second week, my prof suddenly requested us to come to the campus on Tuesday, and guess when did he sent the message to inform us? 6 AM on said Tuesday!!!!! oh you couldn't imagine my panic, how am i supposed to be in Jakarta in less than 4 hours!? thankfully my prof is a lenient one and he let me and kak Mandy (who was in Bandung at the time) to join the class from zoom. another good news is that class is to be our closing session for the project, and that i can just send my typodont instead of coming in person to submit the assignment. yet again Allah's plan is always better than my most carefully thought of one 🥺

the rest of the break i get to spend every day at my hometown just recharging my energy and soaking every positive molecule there is, and my mum have this brilliant idea to buy a table tennis equipment!

at first, not fully knowing the impact of my mum's seemingly random decision, i opposed the buying of said table tennis because it's quite expensive. but after it arrived and i got to play against my mum and dad (who happen to be great players!) i finally understand that my mum knew fully well i don't like outdoor sports (solely because i hate the sun getting my face so red lol) so table tennis is the best option! it's so fun to play and i still get to exert my whole body to get that exercising regime my nutritionist has told me years to do so 😂

for new year's eve, the end of 2023 is the quietest one yet. with just my parents, deep in the greens, miles from the city, and just watching Pengabdi Setan 2/Satan's Slaves 2 (exactly my style hahaha getting my dad to watch it!) i moved over to 2024. just saying and sending out my prayers to welcome the new year and hope i can go through whatever i must face in the future. and again, just how i like it, not many fireworks were blasted so it wasn't that rowdy. it almost didn't feel like NYE celebration, all is calm and cool.

i love slow living, far away from the crowded areas, i could quite literally stay in my hometown at my house and just. be there 😂 it's so easy for me because as long as i have my loved ones with me and a roof above my head, enough to live and get by... that is all. to reach that tranquility and peace of mind is one of the highest priority/goal for me. hope one day after i've accomplished my dreams i get to reside and rest where my heart has always been dwelling.

here's to another journey in 2024, i hope we can together make it through. see you in the January post, that as i said in my Nov one, i'm counting down 3 days to my trip to Singapore and 4 days until i see coldplay again, historic moment as i'll be back to the stadium where i first saw the band 7 years ago!!! see you all soon 💙

[dfroza]

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures

for the 4th of february 2025 with a paired chapter from each Testament (the First & the New Covenant) of the Bible

[The Letter of 1st Corinthians, Chapter 2 • The Book of 1st Chronicles, Chapter 1]

along with Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms with Proverbs 4 and Psalm 4 coinciding with the day of the month, accompanied by Psalm 46 for the 46th day of Astronomical Winter, and Psalm 35 for day 35 of the year (with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 1st revolution this year)

A post by John Parsons:

Finding the Place of God...

What was it about Yeshua that made him so special? For the moment, put aside your theology or "Christology" and ask what made him so attractive and endearing to people on a human level. What sort of a man was he? What made people want to follow him? Did he have special "charisma" or an aura about him?

We really don't know the answer to these questions, of course, since the New Testament says little about his physical appearance, though the prophet Isaiah foretold that he would be a man of "no reputation," with no regal form or "comeliness" with which we would desire him. Indeed, he would be "despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief" (Isa. 53:2-3). Indeed Yeshua was born into this world in obscurity, grew to become an unassuming man, a “nobody” in the eyes of the world, without power or political authority. For all the more reason then does this suggest that what made him so attractive was his heart, his kindness, and his accessibility, and that's part of the lesson we learn by the invitation he gave to the two disciples of John the Baptist to come to his home.

Recall that the New Testament records how John the Baptist began announcing the imminent coming of the Messiah, calling the people to repentance. One day John saw Yeshua of Nazareth and proclaimed: "Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!" (John 1:29-30). Two of John's disciples (by tradition Andrew and John, author of the fourth gospel) were standing with him at the time and they believed John’s testimony that Yeshua was the promised Savior of Israel. Indeed John had explained the purpose of his ministry was to herald the coming of Messiah, and his preaching was intended to prepare the people for the momentous hour. Therefore when John identified Yeshua as the “Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world,” they understood the implications and immediately decided to follow Yeshua as he walked away. When Yeshua turned to them and asked: "What are you looking for?" they replied, "Rabbi, where do you live?" And Yeshua then graciously invited them to "come and see." So they went to Yeshua's house and stayed with him for the rest of the day (see John 1:35-39). We may wonder, what did they see? What did they do? What did they discuss with Yeshua? We are not told, though it is clear Yeshua was a kind and approachable person, accessible to the seeking heart.

And this presents a sort of “parable” or pattern for anyone who would come to know Yeshua. First there is a deep awareness of the need to repent before God, as John the Baptist had preached, along with the realization that true repentance, or personal salvation, is impossible apart from divine intervention that would free the soul from its bondage to sin. Second there is revelation that points to Yeshua alone as our healer and deliverer. Third there is sincere desire to learn more about him and the nature of his character, and there is an “inner sense” that you are called to "come and see" where Yeshua lives...

This invitation is for all people who are burdened by their sins and who hunger and thirst for deliverance. Yeshua’s message finds its place in the heart of the broken: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:28-30).

It is your willingness to accept the invitation to know his heart that marks the first step from which all others may follow. Yeshua asks you to feel welcome and safe in his presence, as if you have belonged to him all along, to realize that you are accepted, respected, and dearly valuable to him. This is the "place" of God, the "where" of his presence and the "who" of his character. And indeed, God's Presence is likened to a "house," a "miskhan" or dwelling place, a refuge and sanctuary for the soul, a secret garden, a strong habitation, the everlasting arms of a loving Father, Abba, the one who makes a place for us, an everlasting domicile that will enshrine us in the comfort and blessing of eternal love.

Some people wrestle with shame and feel unworthy of love and blessing. It is hard for them to believe that God bears their sins because they do not believe they matter enough for God to do so. But God affirms and demands that we take his love seriously, that we esteem ourselves as people he loves and cares for despite our sins and failings... His heart extends to the "poor in spirit," to those who mourn over their lives, to the humble, the broken, the wandering outcast, the despised and rejected of men. Yeshua is the "friend of sinners" who calls out to their weariness: "Come to me, and I will give you rest..."

So what do you want? What do you truly desire of the Lord? Yeshua encourages us to come and see who he is and to repose in the place of his dwelling, the habitation of his heart. "Live in me - in the truth of my heart - and let my heart live in you" (John 15:4). This "house" of the Lord is found in heart connection with him, where you accept yourself as beloved in him. It is found in God's presence as Father, Son and Holy Spirit as we are made part of his family, members of his household, and partakers of the blessing of his love.

We start "following" the Lord by first trusting that he really desires us, for assuredly we will cannot do so unless we believe his heart for us, after all. We begin by praying, "Lord, how am I to be with you? How can my heart know your heart for me? How can I connect with you, finding life in your life? Is this not essential - to know who you really are, to experience your mercy and grace, to rest in your steadfast love and faithfulness? How can I experience your acceptance and kindness in light of my brokenness, shame and disappointment? Will you heal the wounds of my heart - wounds that you yourself bore for me in your suffering? I bow down in hope before the cries of my heart. I wait, O Lord, for your touch, the breath of your Spirit, the true balm of Gilead that forever heals my brokenness.

Recall the story about Elijah, dejected, weary, and feeling abandoned. The Lord instructed him, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice... And, suddenly there came a Voice to him that asked, "What are you doing here?"

Or consider Job who was described as "a man blameless and upright, one who feared God and shunned evil" who nevertheless was tested and brought to despair and the knife's edge of death. After languishing in dismay, he found himself beneath the whirlwind, beholding the revelation of God's glory, and only afterward was he able to say, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear (לְשֵׁמַע־אֹזֶן שְׁמַעְתִּיךָ): but now mine eye seeth thee (וְעַתָּה עֵינִי רָאָתְךָ). Therefore I forsake myself, and I repent in dust and ashes" (Job 42:5-6).

There is no recipe or formula for following the Lord since it involves turning to God from the depths of your soul, allowing him to be the center of your heart. In a sense it is a matter of losing yourself to find yourself, letting go of your fears and attachments in surrender to God. As we go through the refining fires, we leave behind the old life for the new - crossing over into the realm of the Spirit. Once we take hold of who we are in God's house, the despair that has haunted us fades away and we live in God's provision and abundance.

Faith in the truth of God's love sets us free, though we must be careful not to let our hope wane in quiet desperation. The temptation is to lose sight of God's heart for us or to be dissuaded from our hope because of sadness or fear. God is merciful and will beckon us to return to his love, though if we begin to fall away, he may lead us to confess once again that we are unable to control our lives, that we desperately need him, and to know once again that all that we are or ever shall be is bound up in his presence and love for us.

Yeshua is the answer to our hurting and desperate hearts. It may not be an "easy" answer, but it's the only answer that is real, with love forged in the passion of God's heart, the expense and expanse of which surpasses all of creation, forever and ever. Amen.

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Psalm 119:77 reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm119-77-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm119-77-lesson.pdf

4.3.25 • Facebook

from Israel365

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

[daddyjeonnn]

JANUARY 2025 READS

( Note- Happy new year y'all :)

Ps - I'll be continuously adding more to this as I read, so stay updated and enjoy )

How to lose a guy in 30 days

❥description: How to Lose A Guy in 30 Days! A guide of what you shouldn't do in the first 30 days of a relationship if you don't want him running for the hills! You get to see my experiment with the things I did wrong in the first 30 days of a brand new relationship.You have just received your first opportunity to write your own column at Composure Magazine. This is everything that you have ever dreamed of and should be simple enough, drive a guy away in 30 days. Across town Jungkook, who hasn't committed to anyone in years, is issued a bet that he can stay with the same person for one month. Both of you being so head strong to achieve your goals cause a myriad of hilariously disastrous dates, unexpected sparks, and a countdown that neither is ready for. 30 days to fall in love or fall apart. After all, all is fair in love and war.

Lowkey (a,f,s)

➵ summary in order to pass organic chemistry and pay off your car damages from an accident, all you have to do is help the nerd, jeon jungkook, with a few things: pretend to be his girlfriend and teach him the ways of dating. (8/10)

Hotter than hell (a,f,s)

➵ summary: jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant. (10/10)

The love after (a,f,s)

➵ summary:Every werewolf has a fate, interpreted by Amma and guided by the Moon. In this world, there are 2 Supreme Fates fully determined by Her - serve in the Wolf Warrior Clan or find your True Mate. You and Jungkook have neither. You both lost the loves of your lives to live out their Supreme Fates and it’s why you both hold resentment towards the mating system. Until the Ceremony happens and you and Jungkook are fated to each other, connected only by heartbreak, pain, and the long lost belief that you could ever love again. (11/10 I'm a sucker for angst and that slow building plot so)

Re:untitled (f,s) (ft. Taehyung)

Arranged marriage au

4-7-8 (a,f)

➵ summary: you’re secure when it comes to loving jungkook, knowing that your husband loves you beyond words. what you aren’t so secure about is his first love — someone who isn’t you. (9/10, jk was a jerk in the begging tho)

Between the ride and roses (ongoing) (a,f,s)

➵ summary: There's an insane turn of events when your calm and peaceful life is intruded by Jungkook, a biker boy who sets up his loud business right next to your own. Your paths cross under unlikely circumstances, starting with a clash of personalities but gradually you find yourself establishing a deeper connection with the annoyingly attractive biker jerk. You both have no idea what's in store for you guys as you try your best to put up with each other.

Fight for you ( a,f,s)

➵ summary: Working at a private security agency has its perks. The downside? Being the personal bodyguard of spoiled, rich heiresses like you. But there are things that Jungkook didn’t expect, like rejecting you, falling for you, and realizing what he’d been missing all along.(10/10 loovee the dynamic between them )

Boy with luv

➵ summary: a new job as a barista should be easy enough, right? except it gets a whole lot more complicated when the coffee shop's most loved client just decides he has to have you OR richboy!jk falls for barista!reader and refuses to give up.

[crunchycrystals]

i can't post chapter 2 yet for (all i ever do is) take the fall BUT there is one scene that i've had since the beginning that i think is one of the best things i've ever written so here it is under the cut

The air was mostly still, the night sky all laid out in front of them thick with what should’ve been sleep but was replaced with jet lag. They had arrived in Germany the day before, and they were barely able to get 4 hours of sleep when said jet lag forced them out of bed. Normally Percy was good at avoiding jet lag, but it was his first international shoot with Annabeth and he'd immediately disregarded his techniques to hang out with her. At least they were suffering together.

Instead of fighting it, Annabeth scouted a beach where they could hang out for the two months they were there, while Percy rented a pickup truck so they could sit in the back. He could feel exactly her knee bumped into his under the small blanket she miraculously had in her bag. He didn’t necessarily need it, but once she spread it over their laps, Percy couldn’t imagine saying no. 

“How many constellations do you think we’re looking at right now?” she asked maybe 10 minutes after they got there, eyes trained on the sky. 

“How many can you see?”

She scanned the stars. “I see Orion’s belt and that one looks like one of the dippers, but that’s it. You?”

“I think I see about six right now.”

“Damn. Your eyesight can’t be that good.”

“I just know a lot of constellations.” 

“Okay, that’s cool. Your mom?”

“Yeah. We could never really see them in New York because of the light pollution but she still told me the stories behind them. There was one boarding school I went to that was pretty far from the city, and one time she came over and we got to actually see some of them together. After that, I got used to looking for them whenever I couldn’t fall asleep.”

He could hear the soft splash of the waves gently layering on top of each other before reaching the shore and collapsing, starting the cycle all over again.

“I love constellations,” Annabeth said. “You look at them and remember how long humans have been telling stories and how universal it is. Ancient Greeks saw the same little dots we’re looking at right now and we still classify birth years with Chinese zodiacs. We’ve always looked up to the sky and seen heroes and monsters—we’ve always been creating explanations for the things we can never truly understand like seasons or volcanoes and stuff.”

“I guess we’re all kind of terrified of the things we don’t know, so we’ll do anything to cope with this place. Even on a smaller scale we’re like that about other humans. Like, there are people who assume shit about you that isn’t true.” 

“That’s the dream.”

“The dream is assuming shit?”

“No—I mean, what you said is why I went into this industry. Because I want to make something that helps people cope with the things too big for our tiny brains to comprehend. Even on that smaller scale.” 

“Something permanent.”

“Yeah. As permanent as the stars.”

Percy stopped to think for a second. “I wonder if that’s why my mom named my sister Estelle, she loves names with significance like that. You two think the same way.” 

“I’ve got to meet her.”

“I think she’d really like you.” She smiled. 

“Speaking of names," Annabeth said, "do you ever think about how weird it is that your life aligns so well with Perseus'? I don't think a name can really influence someone's life like that and it's a really big coincidence.”

“I guess… sometimes. Like, it wasn't hard to relate to a guy with a missing dad and a mom doing her best to protect him.” He didn't say the last parental parallel, but they both knew the Perseus-es stories well enough that he didn't need to.

“It was nice to have that connection though,” Percy continued. “I could see this guy with a life even worse than mine and I could pretend that I was him, killing monsters and stuff.”

“And imagine that you could have the happy ending he does one day.”

“Not really.”

She turned her gaze towards him for the first time since they settled in. “Seriously? Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean, like, you've never thought, ‘Hey! He’s like me so maybe I could be like him one day,’ or something?”

He thought for a bit. “I don’t think so. I think it was more like, ‘I know my life can’t be like his, but I can pretend like it is before I have to go back to reality.’ Not really an aspirational thing.”

She stayed quiet for a moment before saying, “I wish I had known you earlier. I wish we had met at camp.”

“I think we would’ve tried to kill each other.” She exhaled lightly, one of her quieter laughs as he had learned. 

“Probably. I would’ve gotten over it though.”

“Are you sure? I was kind of a shitty kid.” 

“Can’t have been too bad if that kid got you here.” Percy chose not to correct her as she returned to staring straight up at the sky. “Can you see the Perseus constellation right now?”

“Yeah, it’s around there. That’s supposed to be Medusa’s head—and that part on top’s his sword. Andromeda’s right there too.” She shifted her head again, this time to be closer to his as he pointed out the different parts of the constellation.

“I like that they’ll always be up there together," Annabeth whispered. "Andromeda’s with the one person who never betrayed her and protected her when no one else did, and Perseus gets to protect the entire galaxy like he did for his partner and mom.” She paused. “I think you’ll have that one day. I know that you see his story as something separate from reality, but I think it’s an extension of our world. If they can survive all of that shit like gorgons or almost being sacrificed to a sea monster, then we can survive all of this normal shit.”

Percy looked over to his left and their eyes locked as he realized she was already looking at him. Her irises seemed to glow with the light of the moon and stars above them, reflecting the constellations back at him. Something warm glowed in his chest that slowly spread throughout the rest of his body.

“I like that,” he breathed.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Her lips pulled up and he felt his do the same. “I think you’ll have that one day too. Not just the Perseus stuff, I think you’ll create a story as universal as constellations are.”

Her eyes shone a little more brightly. “Thanks.” 

“Any time.” 

[kyrodo]

October 2020 was a horrible month. It marked the final end to our interaction that broke the glass that held back all my tears. Broke my heart almost irreparably. Broke my sense of trust in people. It marked the first time I ever saw snow. And for the first time in my social and work career I was teaching people how to do things as well. And all the bullshit that you surrounded me with gradually fell apart. I was getting more productive at work again despite talking to my phone a lot since you were likely still listening in. Partly because of the constant need to prove myself.

After all your insults and mockeries and pretending I was the worst human being on the planet I kinda had to. In as many areas of my life as I could I had to shatter that entire image you made of me until it was nothing but a bloody pulp on the ground. That was how I was going to move on. I would move on with as much grace as I possibly could and break every fucking assumption that I was going to handle it terribly. I had to show you up as much as I possibly could.

And that breathed new life into me. That gave me purpose. And my purpose was to destroy you. If you so much as thought of continuing to make me a spectacle to all your followers I was going to exploit it to the fullest. And it fucking worked. My time early on back at Marcus's place was extremely miserable, but when my heart started to heal up I made it a point to get to my feet again.

I cringe at some of the things I said and showed both when it was text only and after our devices became listening devices for you without our consent. Especially the singing. But I would be way more embarrassed if I was on the other side. Embarrassment is the acknowledgement that someone witnessed something you didn't want them to. That witness is living proof of your biggest failures, and he is right here. And everyone you ever got involved with this, there's that too. With you living in a world where peer pressure is pervasive, and morals selective or not come into question, you are 100% fucked. Karma always claims its debt.

Whenever any of them have questions they'll come to you not me, so have fun answering them. And all along I thought I was supposed to be the trainwreck.

You always made me question whether or not you believed I was even real, or anything I ever described about my life including allergies and career choices. But I know better now that it was a toxic tactical decision and not actual distrust.

Gaslighting was your strongest weapon. You constantly forced me to over explain myself or to spend too much time describing something so you could find something to exaggerate or take out of context. You used the cheapest tactics you could find because all you had at that point was bullshit. Because without gaslighting me you are completely fucking defenseless. And that is some of the saddest fucking shit. The moment we start saying what we mean you are forced to admit that you're a total bitch.

You're behavior for 4 months in a row shows so clearly that your greatest weakness is accountability. You never admit a fucking thing no matter how big or small. You know you're rotten to the very core, you just don't like saying it out loud. You'll point out any detail to get people off your back, like the fact that I kept deleting my posts. So long as you can keep your fragile ego in tact. I'll say a bunch of mean things and delete it when it no longer serves. I felt leaving such things up was not a great idea anyway whenever it felt like we were going to make things up to each other. I also deleted things I knew you'd take out of context because you were the fucking type. I deleted every one of my posts almost every time I closed my Twitter account thinking I was never going to open it again because I was self destructive. Because I wanted to greatly diminish any value in reopening it so I would quit Twitter completely and I failed because it was not only my soapbox but my only way to contact you. I deleted my entire history and you took advantage of that so you could pretend you had a good reason to attack me.

I used to be very insecure about my age, and well a few other things that aren't actually harmful when you understand the full extent of things. I don't feel that way anymore. Sure I'll never be as into memes, tiktok and other nonsense like a lot of younger people tend to be, but that's fine with me. Vrchat helps you understand that there really aren't that many differences between people at least within a range and I tend to be popular regardless. I get to act like a fursuiter without owning a proper one. I always knew I'd be good at it I'm just sad I didn't have the chance for the actual thing. As always people are always surprised when they hear my actual age, and it seems to further drive home that all those insecurities I had age wise were really just in my own head, and the moment I stopped worrying about them it didn't really matter anymore.

There's so much I never got the chance to do but I am on a very good path to get there. And furthermore despite how strong my text can be online, I have a soothing voice. Moreso than anyone I've met perhaps. Choskey really enjoys it and it relaxes him, but I've always had this voice. I always have this sugar whenever I am saying things like "have a good day", that's even more apparent when I am saying things out of love or when I am listening to people. And it is a very good skill to have. I know how to be patient, how to be nice, how to be soothing and understanding. And there's not a chance in hell you'll ever be able to do the same. People love my voice and I've learned to love it too.

I've had my time in the spotlight running circles around people in aram and going toe to toe with diamond borders. I've made some amazing advances in my playstyle for adofai and my ability to recognize patterns or control how often I need to alternate hands for psuedos. And I am probably the slowest to anger person you'll ever meet in most cases, which is very much not made obvious by my rants.

But I went from being extremely persistent volatile and explosive online to being extremely comfortable with myself and the way I handle myself and the way I act in respect to other people. And I am no longer afraid of you. I am no longer someone you can easily cast a dark light on. Because I don't fit. Because I made every right choice I could've possibly made after you left. And there's nothing left for you to condemn save all the cheap things. And that's good enough for me.

I am a healthy mix of strength and calm. Of raw emotion and control. I have the wisdom to avoid being on the wrong end of any conflict. I have understanding and self-awareness in overabundance. You will never see me in the same sorry state I used to be ever again. I'm going to make it really fucking hard for anyone to justify launching another attack against me. Even if you aren't here to recognize how far I've come, I am.

Every step I take away from you is a step towards a better life, better company, and a better me. Objectively so. You had me on a pedestal as if I was the worst person in the entire world and here I am evaluating what the fuck I walked away from. At least in one aspect I will never be your equal. You fucking dumbass. Holy fuck it doesn't take a whole lot to turn you into a monster does it!?

[autumnboyd17]

I wanted to post my thoughts somewhere but didn't know where. So it sat in my notes app until I remembered I had this account.

When tackling a subject like immortality where do I even begin?

Vampires have existed for as long has humans have been able to spread stories. Every culture has some sort of undead being that needs to feed off a humans life force in some essence to survive. Some cultures it was your soul, sucking bit by bit until there was nothing left. For others it was quite literally a human life, the vampire needing to kill and eat to survive like any other predator, in this sense vampires and zombies are the same. Recently the term, energy vampires has risen to popularity, the phrase is used for people draining to talk to. But most notably and persistently, it's blood.

I have held a fascination with vampires for as long as I can remember.

My mom used to go all out on decorations for Christmas and Halloween. Scared that it'd be afraid of them, she introduced me to the decorations as toys or friends. We had a very short cardboard cut out of Dracula and it became my favorite. I carried it around everywhere, my parents referred to him as my first boyfriend. Now he sits on top of my shelves, he's beat to hell but I love him. My mom showed me a movie made in 1987 called, The Lost Boys. Of course she covered my eyes during that one weird awkward sex scene, and I was too young to understand any of the jokes. Spoiler, but I called the twist that Max was the head vampire even after they lead you to believe otherwise. My mom thought I was so smart. Later in the car I asked my mom if vampires were real. She of course said no, and when that answer disappointed me, she told me some people to pretended to be vampires, sharpening their teeth and drinking animal or each others blood, but they can't live off that alone. I think her information was supposed to disgust me but id be lying if I said I hadn't looked into cosmetic teeth sharpening a few times. When I was 7 I spent the night at a friend's house and we watched this "new" movie called Twilight. Growing up, my mom would rent seasons of True Blood from Blockbuster, I knew it was about vampires but I wasn't allowed to watch that one. At some point I was shown Interview with a Vampire. That movie is what introduced me to Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, a song I've loved dearly ever since. Despite my fond memories of vampires, werewolves and zombies where my favorites till I got older and into my emo phase. Then, finally, vampires were cool.

I never had a stable friend group as a kid, it changed around every year. My grandpa passed when I was 10, my dad left when I was 11. The only 2 constants I felt like I had were my Mom and our dog Hause. The first 4 months of 2020 took both of them along with the rug under me.

One night when I was sad and on the hunt for nostalgia, I found The Lost Boys. I pirated it to my lap top and watched it for the first time since my mom passed. Its like I could hear her saying prominent lines and fun facts about the actors and the location the movie takes place, Santa Carla. Its a fictional version of Santa Cruz, the board walk and the beaches my parents used to take me too as a baby are all shown in the opening to the movie while a cover of The Door's People are Strange played. Its like I can't watch it without her. And for that its my favorite movie. Watching it as an adult made it loose a bit of child-like wonder, I understand all the jokes now, and I have small crushes on the characters Michael and Star, and my eyes are no longer covered during their awkwardsex scene, though I wish they were. Regardless, my point of view has changed, but still, I remember exactly what it was like in the beginning. Change is sad, but its beautiful.

Since my mom passed I've had a big fear of watching everyone I love die before me. Most people laugh it off but seriously, I don't know if I'd be able to handle losing someone so close again, and since my solution hasn't been to not let anyone get close, its obviously been to die before them. I've attempted suicide over it. So, the idea that someone can be there with you forever. The concept that someone can love you for lifetimes. That consistency, the "always and forever" of it. Its beautiful.

I'm crazy but hypothetically, if I could find a vampire to love me I could get close and never have to even think about taking my own life early just so I'd never have to grieve a day over them. That hypothetical is what keeps me hooked and coming back. Not the sparkles or the teeth. Undying love. Thats the beauty of it.

I do think there's a beauty in death too. The same way there's beauty in birth. We all live, we all die, and when you can't count on the vampires because they don't exist, its the only consistency we really have. Thats all we get. I don't know what happens after death, but I imagine it's peaceful. You just let go of the weight of life and die. No more pain. No more anxiety. No more joy. Just sweet nothing. I hope that when I leave my final breath here I get to join my mom somewhere nice. And maybe everyone else I lose along the way, though I still hope its not many. However, I can't rely on this, there's no certainty in what happens after death, only death.

I'm sure you probably think I'd never even want to think about being a vampire after that. But I would really love that!! It would be so cool to watch humanity grow and learn and progress. Their downfalls and how they rise. I would learn everything I could as a vampire. I would go to college over and over again. Majoring in, Philosophy, Psychology, Sociology, History, English. I would probably need to get a better understanding on science too eventhough it's always been my least favorite subject. I would learn and learn and learn and never worry about running out of time because I'd have all the time in the world. I think at some point though, I'd cut my time as a vampire short. One day I'd wake up and decide I've learned enough to satisfy me, see enough to fulfill me, and stand in the sun one last time.

I think I'd make a good vampire. I'm already a night owl, I'm typing this up at 12:30 am. I don't mind blood. Its really only the fear of people I love dying that holds me back. I could turn everyone I love in to vampires as well, but not everyone I love would want to be a vampire. I'd never be able to live with myself if I selfishly forced eternity on someone who didn't want it.

I think the choice to become a vampire, has all the same pros and cons as choosing to live life as is. I'm going to watch people I care about die, but I also get to witness humanity change and grow every day. I burn in the sun, and I learn as I go along. Accidents can happen, or I can choose to end life early. If you take out the factor of never growing old, the hard choices are the same.

Then you remember, there is no choice to be a vampire or not. The only choice I get is if I want to keep on living. I do. I do want to keep living because dying of old age is the closest I'll ever get to being able to see eternity. And that sounds sick as fuck.

Ultimately, I have my mom to thank for my love of vampires. She's the one who introduced me to the idea as a small child, and her death drove the final nail into the coffin of my obsession. Yes that pun was intended please laugh. I just kinda wish that I could share my thoughts and excitement about vampires with her. Maybe one day, 80 years from now, I'll decide I've learned enough to satisfy me, see enough to fulfill me, I'll leave my final breath here, let go of the weight of life and die. Hopefully I get to join my mom somewhere nice and tell her all about what it was like to almost live for eternity.

[samthemarvelfan]

Breakeven: One Shot

Summary: It was Bucky choice to let you go. Now he’s learned that when hearts break, they don’t break even.

Pairing: TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,100

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, sad Bucky...a hopeful ending?

A/N: Yay! A oneshot! This is my submission for @pellucid-constellations​ beautiful writing challenge! I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is so, so appreciated! (Inspired by the song Breakeven by The Script)

Amends: to atone, do penance, or pay the price to redeem one’s self.

The word has been burned into the soul of Bucky Barnes for the past few years.

Set things right with any and everyone he’d hurt or wronged—that was his goal. One of the many his therapist had made for him, and for the most part, he’d done it.

“James?” The barista calls, drawing Bucky’s gaze to the counter. He smiles lightly at the young girl taking her job so seriously. He admired the work ethic.

The paper cup is warm against the sensitive vibranium of his left hand, the scalding black coffee inside. A stark contrast to the chilly autumn air whipping its way through the streets of New York. He’s walking the path he’d walked a hundred times before, though he’s doing it for the first time in months.

“You gotta let yourself feel things, James.” His therapist told him. “Even if their painful. It’s a good thing to feel, it’s a reminder that you’re human. That you’ve got yourself back.”

Bucky sighed heavily, waking the familiar cobblestones of Park Slope. He passed the bookshop that had the best collection of records from 30’s and 40’s, the bakery that had been run my the DiNuzzi’s since 1929, and the pink house with the pink roses and pink shutters.

Why someone would want to stick out like a sore thumb in the neighborhood, he’ll never know.

By the time he’d gotten back to his apartment, it was almost 4. Too late for lunch, too early for dinner. He’d run out of excuses and he’s pretty sure his therapist would want to see his journals were at least scribbled in for their next session.

So, Bucky grabbed the leather-bound book he kept situated neatly on his coffee table, a pen, and opened it to a clean page.

His knee was shaking as he got up the courage to write down his thoughts. His therapist told him to write letters—to himself, to his parents, to people he loves, hates or has hurt. What he does with the letters is up to him. He could burn them for all she cared, just write the thoughts down.

Bucky fiddled with the pen, before finally putting it to the paper.

Hey Honey, he wrote.

Thought about you a lot today. About us. I walked the old neighborhood again. It’s different and the same every time I see it.

Bucky’s heart was racing as he wrote. Your image clear as day in his mind.

I went to that coffee shop you told me about once…almost didn’t though, I was afraid you’d be there. Tucked away on that turquoise sofa in the corner, reading a book about to people that hate each other falling in love. Those cheesy stories were always your favorite.

Bucky smiles briefly, remembering how you would shush him when he made fun of your excitement as you turned each page.

The thought of seeing you terrifies me. Mostly ‘cause I don’t know what I’m supposed to say if I do.

He gets the urge to put the book down. To call it a day and not feel what he’s feeling right now, but then he’ll have no reason to think about you. So he continues.

Am I supposed to pretend I don’t know you? Am I supposed to shake your hand like we’re strangers? Hug you like I’ve done a million times? I don’t know the rules anymore, Y/N. I just wanna call you, see you, to hear your voice. That’d be enough.

He flips the page.

I want a lot of things, Sugar. I want to tell you I’m sorry. I want to tell you I choose you. Over a mission, over Sam, over the fucking pardon. I’d go back a pick you—us. Not like you’d ever make me pick one or the other. You always understood…never blamed me for doing what I thought I needed too.

You saw me for me, saw past the monster I tried to convince you I was. You saw the Bucky I used to be.

James felt his eyes brimming with tears. He bit his lip, hard enough to taste copper on the tip of his tongue.

I miss you. I feel like the biggest idiot, pushing you away. I thought, not that it matters now, but I thought I was holding you back. That you shouldn’t have to deal with a guy that barely has his life together. You didn’t deserve all of the glares people sent your way, or the constant fear of losing me. I know you hated that more than anything, and I’m sorry for that too.

I hope you’re happy, Baby. I hope you’re somewhere right now with someone who makes you smile. God, you deserve the world. I’d do anything to make sure you got it, too.

I hope you’re dancing in the kitchen making brownies. I hope you’re drinking iced coffee with way too much almond milk. I hope you still stick your tongue out when something is a little tricky, and that you still say ‘oops’ when you bump into the furniture.

He held the page tightly, snuffling as he wrote his final thought.

If there’s still room for me in that heart of yours, I hope we find our way back to each other. ‘Cause I promise you, Baby…I’d never let you go again.

To the moon, Sweetheart.

Love, Bucky.

Bucky closed the book gently, letting out a small breath as tears fell from his eyes. He put the book back in its place on the coffee table and stood, scrubbing his hands down his face.

He should call Sam, see if he wants some company for a few days. Just to get things off his chest.

Bucky pulls out his phone. As he does, your name flashed across the screen.

Something that hadn’t happened in months.

It was a text.

Bucky couldn’t even move as he read the small preview of your message still on the screen.

Hey Buck, you wrote.

Went to our coffee shop today…

[mrs-bartowski]

Brace for impact y'all cuz my brain is being Extra Rude this fine Sunday. OKAY, so...

What with Lena's new unemployment status, obviously we have all these hcs about her being unable to afford the penthouse and moving in with Kara.

Then of course we have all the accompanying hcs about Lena's time in the apartment between now and when Kara gets back (blanket sniffing, inability to sleep in Kara's bed, ready-to-pack corner of belongings so as to not alter Kara's home, and all those other super fun things that make me wanna cry).

I see all of those (and love them) and I raise you one: the Mxy tapes.

So, we see right after Mxy leaves when Kara picks up "The One Where Lena Decided To Work With Lex" which is what, in combination with her realization that telling Lena the truth always has "huge" consequences, motivates her to make that super OOC decision to absolve herself entirely of her guilt and tell Lena she'll treat her like a villain if she works with Lex, yes?

Now, what if that wasn't the only tape Mxy left behind? What if he left a recording of each of those alternate timelines because, after seeing Kara twist what she learned to fit her frustration over Lena's continued cold shoulder and hearing what she said to Lena, Mxy decided she might want to watch them again at some point to remember the real takeaway: she's fighting for the relationship that saves the world...

Kara found the tapes stacked on the coffee table when she got home, with a note that said "You found the magic. Now don't lose it." She wanted to get angry, but instead she just put the tapes in a box on the shelf under the TV and tried to forget about them.

----------

Lena's hand shakes slightly as she slides the key into the lock, feeling the ghost of Alex’s hand rest gently on her shoulder as it had when she’d pressed the cold metal into her palm a few hours earlier with a silent offer and an encouraging nod. The door swings open slowly, and Lena is hit by a sudden wave of cold. Not temperature, but energy. It’s too quiet - no NSYNC on the speaker or Bachelorette on the TV. It’s too empty - no smell of fresh (slightly burnt) bread or yarn strewn all over the counter from Kara’s various crochet projects. It’s too...Kara-less.

Lena shakes off the feeling and slides her bag off her shoulder in the corner by the bookcase, careful not to knock Kara’s favorite cinnamon candle off the stool beside her, as she tells Alexa to play Nina Simone. She zips open her bag to pull out her favorite copy of Mrs. Dalloway and finds it missing. Realizing she must have left it in her desk drawer at LexCorp, Lena makes a mental note to send Brainy in after it tomorrow with the promise that he can change all of Lex’s passwords one more time before they leave the game for good.

Lena stares at the blank TV screen for a moment, dreading the thought of watching anything in this room without Kara’s head on her shoulder or in her lap. So, she crouches to look at the shelves of the TV stand, hoping to find at least one of the books she’d gotten Kara for her birthday last year wedged between the latest issues of CatCo Magazine and the recipe books Alex had gotten her in the hopes of spending less money on pot stickers every week.

She’s just zeroed in on The Color Purple when she notices a box she doesn’t recognize laying across the tops of the books on the other shelf. She reaches for it on instinct, then hesitates. She hasn’t touched anything of Kara’s since their falling out, and what if Kara’s “what’s mine is yours” rule no longer applies to her now? She considers leaving it alone and waiting for Kara to get back and explain, sliding The Color Purple toward her without taking her eyes off the box, before her curiosity gets the better of her and she caves, tossing the book onto the coffee table.

She opens the lid and starts at the sight of VHS tapes. Hasn't she taught Kara better than this? They'd converted all her old tapes to DVDs months into their friendship ("Kara, these things deteriorate so easily and the picture quality becomes awful, don't you want something that will last?"). She picks up the first tape and reads the label on the side: "The One Where Lena Doesn't Make It Back In Time." Her brows furrow as she stares, unblinking, at the title - demanding answers she knows only one person can give her.

She glances around, but doesn't see a VHS player anywhere, so she sets the tape on the floor beside her and picks up the next one. "The One Where Lena Can't Save Sam Or Herself." Lena shoves down her growing horror and discards the tape, hoping the next one will be less ominous. She picks it up and chokes back a sob as she reads: "The One Where There Are No Survivors."

Lena can't wait for answers anymore, so she gathers the tapes back into the box, grabs her purse and Kara's key, and heads to the closest library. Lena finds the old CRT sitting on a rolling cart in the back corner of the library, tucked between the stacks of kids' books. She pulls the first tape out of the box and slides it carefully into the slot.

30 minutes later, with tears and too-cheap eyeliner streaming down her face, Lena picks up the last tape. "The One Where Lena Was Never Your Friend." And here she'd thought things couldn't get worse. Lena takes a deep breath as she inserts the tape.

At the sight of the ruin that meets Kara and Mxy, Lena stifles the urge to laugh. Of course this is what a world without her best friend looks like. This exactly how it feels now, and she's only been gone a few weeks.

Lena's breath catches as she hears herself ask "who's Kara?," the mere thought of a world where the reporter had never believed in her, never cared enough to love her, almost too much to bear. Her hand drifts absent-mindedly to her chest as she watches herself reveal a kryptonite heart, and for a moment she can hear the sounds of her own screams as her mother's experiments rob her of the last of her humanity.

She presses her hand closer to her heart, sure that it's stopped beating at the sight of Kara on the ground, in pain at her hands but still refusing to fight her. Feels it shatter when her worst self says exactly the same words she'd said to Kara in the Fortress when asked why she had pretended to be Kara's friend for so long.

And she thinks it might kill her, this agony that's filling her body like acid. She wonders for a moment if this is what kryptonite feels like to Kara. Because it sure feels like her skin is getting seared off her bones and there are nails in her blood and it sure seems like she won't survive watching herself kill her best friend as she lies helpless and desperate on the floor.

And when Mxy pulls them out, Lena's breath returns full force until she's hyperventilating because Kara is gone and she doesn't know how long it will be until they get her back; and she was terrified of what she'd become when she lost Jack but she survived because of Kara; and if this is what losing Kara without ever having her in the first place looks like, Lena has never been more afraid than she is as she realizes what will happen to the world if she doesn't get Kara back. What she'll do to the world if it dares to take Kara from her.

So, when she gathers the tapes and goes to return them to the box and finds a note at the bottom that says "You found the magic. Now don't lose it," Lena promises herself that, for as long as she lives, she will do everything in her power to keep the magic that is Kara Danvers in her life.

----------

Alex knocks on the apartment door three days later and finds it unlocked. She pushes the door open and her hand drifts to her gun, but relaxes as she sees Lena's sleeping form curled up on the couch. Alex approaches a box she knows the contents of all too well and finds it open and empty on the table before she notices the VCR player and tapes strewn across the floor. She smiles softly as she recalls the image of Kara in the exact same position months earlier. And, as she carefully plucks the handwritten note from Lena's clutched fist, she smiles at the knowledge that, once Kara returns, no force in the world will be able to keep them apart again.

UPDATE: Ask and ye shall receive

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5