#he might hate me anyway...
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#choso kamo#junpei yoshino#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#this idea started as a 2 part series . then my braincells decided to spark and supplied 7 PAGES#'did you sleep hina' no#ws looking up mentally stable things like 'who has died in jjk' smh i love my hyperfixation media im sooooo glad so many ppl r DEAD#i *could* have included more ppl but i think this is a good crew. this is a yuuji emotional support crew#also Was gna include his grandpa final panel but i Did Not Want To#he is implied through th dialogue#side note i donot like how i cn see this scenario playing out . ..yuuji this isnt ur stop u r monopoly voice Just Visiting ok >:(#anyway I broke my own heart with this and ik i hyped it up a lot but i hope that its not just me...#hope i did not hype it up fr nothing and no one else finds it devastating :((((( that would b humbling in the worst way#pls ...join the happy party train.......i hate it here i suffered pls :<<<<#also !!!! colours in this !! i cooked i fear . adding th first bit of warm hitting yuuji's face after th first 2 panels....#ive never had that kind of experience while drawing before it was wild . painful ! but wild.#the whole transition from p 2->3 might b the most emotionally moving piece ive ever made to me#not 2 sing my own praises tho i will shut up ! i wil. nap
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to whom do i surrender my heart?
#thinking about javier a lot cuz i love him so much#i wonder if he ever feels catholic guilt but idk i might just be projecting :')#anyway i love you javi they could never make me hate you#my art#personal#digital art#fanart#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#javier escuella#rdr2 javier#rdr2 fanart#digital illustration#digital painting#red dead redemption#rdr
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:) hello! :D hope you have a nice day and absolutely do not think of the possibility of one of the last story cards being of silver! and that his groovy will very probably be crying!!! THERE'S SO MANY CRYING PEOPLE IN STORY CARDS LATELY!!! SPECIALLY LIGHT USERS!! I AM!!! SCARED!!!! bc so far we got Lilia and Sebek in the beginning book 7.... so at the end.... so we're missing story Silver... and Malleus is the one with less cards, so they might add one for him... but... the tears... ego.... THE TEARS!!!! EGOOOO!! (LOVE YOUR ART BTW EVERYTIME I GET A NOTIF FROM YOUR BLOG I RUN HERE TO SEE!)
(thank you! 💚💜💚)
YES I am ALSO like...90-95% convinced that we're going to be getting a story card for Silver once we wrap around back to diasomnia. 👀 especially because the way things are going, Silver will be the only character whose dream we haven't seen -- yet???? -- and that just. y'know. makes me wonder!
although I do think it would be VERY funny if he got a story card and the groovy was just "regular Silver except with one beautiful single crystal tear". this is actually a lot coming from him.
(he used up all his emotion yelling at a baby that one time, there's none left for a proper groovy-level cry.)
#art#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 10 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 10 spoilers#maybe not quite that far but just in case we'll go with the latest out as of now#i would absolutely love some more expressions for silver though#i saw someone point out once that he only has one smiling/happy animation and now i can't unsee it#LET HIM SMILE MORE#anyway my personal dipping-deep-into-speculation theory is that if we do get his dream and a story card from it#i'm leaning towards thinking it might be some kind of au where lilia never adopted him (and/or mel was never killed?)#because of how absolutely and intensely he was convinced that lilia MUST hate him and blame him for everything that happened#and while sebek punched some sense into him at the time i could see silver's wish being some kind of 'they'd be better off without me' thin#(plus blonde silver would be different enough to justify the card probably)#idk they might go in a TOTALLY different direction but that's where my thoughts are at the moment!#there's gotta be some kind of resolution between lilia and silver at some point at least#i'm just still holding out for someone to actually say the words 'silver vanrouge' please it is all i want
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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desmond & friends modern day assassin sequences…..I miss you……..
#specifying ‘and friends’ because I hate William Miles with my whole heart and he is not included in this sentiment#anyway vaguely this is nyc so the cops are probably wasting taxpayer money by fucking around in the subway#komiks tag#assassins creed#shaun hastings#desmond miles#this is almostttttttttttt shaundes#but I didn’t continue the dialogue far enough to make it really flirty. There’s a hint of flirting happening.#someday I’ll have to actually do a longer form fan comic to land my favorite ship AND my favorite narrative elements in the same#go (the horror and dialogues on free will and what we owe each other past/present/future & also what failure means AND-)#this ties into my second favorite relationship dynamic: clay and desmond. obvious. clay might live in my head rent free a little more than#Desmond does because that end of game reveal in AC1 is a top 10 games experience to me and I think about it all the time#ANYWAY IM OFF TOPIC NOW. desmond picks up snacks at a bodega on his way back
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birds of the same feather?
#obey me!#obey me lucifer#obey me luke#perhaps i'm putting a lot of thought onto luke but i was thinking about how conflicting luke must have felt knowing the image portrayed of#lucifer based on the celestial realm to the actual lucifer he meets#i do think it's interesting how softer he is in nightbringer so while he might seem imposing it's just not on the same lvl to what he expec#'he is your kindred but you are suppose to hate him for what he became since it's in your nature' type of deal#anyways weirdest uncle award goes to lucifer#← the only thought running in his head atm is that luke reminds him of his brothers but he doesn't want to admit it (too personal)#anyways this won't make sense w/o these tags so sorry lmao#doodles
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Siffrin in a Stardust Cookie event outfit because the name speaks for itself now if you excuse me, I need to sleep
#fanart#my art#artists on tumblr#isat siffrin#isat#isat fanart#siffrin#in stars and time#stardust cookie#because ref is up there!!#I didn't know he has an outfit like that when I first checked that he exists#after getting another outfit and thinking “Siffrin coded!!” without looking at the name#and them proceeding to laugh about it#Siffrin coded Stardust cookie truly beautiful#it's past 4 am I NEED TO SLEEP#but I also wanted to finish this thing#so now I feel like me feeling tired is multiplying at rapid speed#look at him so majestic so beautiful#Loop might be jealous#but I play dress-up with Siffrin for now their turn is not on#i'm sleepy now#anyway good timezone to you all too#Also look at that ponytail#I hate it because I don't know if it would suit him or not#But Stardust Cookie has it SO it's a long haired Siffrin now#He looks like he did a magical girl transformation...#Just imagine
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“he was mentally ill. this monster was a- was a sick fantasy. a product of his dementia.”
“…i saw it too. does that make me disturbed? demented? does… that make me sick too?”
#txf#the x files#dana scully#fox mulder#folie a deux#this episode … this EPISODE!!!!!!#genuinely so indicative of how much they trust each other….#between mulder just . having to rely on scully for the last part of the ep#scully thinking he’s off his fucking rocker and still looking into what he asks her to look into bc she TRUSTS him . bc she LOVES him !!!!#and maybe he’s a little nuts but goddamnit she will at least check it out !! just in case he’s right!!!#AND she lies for him all the time . i mean she always does this whenever he decides to go nuts But specifically in this ep…#looks skinner in the eye and goes . yea man im totally fully with mulder on this . and he’s definitely not being weird and i definitely kno#what’s going on with him#she lies for mulder all the time its soooo…#anyways . drawing wise this drove me nuts i hate drawing mulder . he’s so hard for me to draw#they’re kinda kirie and shuichi coded in the bottom part but . well . why not . might as well be#ALSOOO i chose that quote for the bottom bc . well . does she think he’s crazy? like actually for real?#i feel like every time scully talks about mulder (up to season five at least as thats where im at) its contained in some way?#in her reports . to family . to skinner . to mulder !#i think the only time she’s Really honest is in the confessional but even then…#bc its not like she’s against speaking her mind . i mean generally and situational but for ppl she’s close to she usually isnt#but when it comes to mulder it always feels contained and like she’s making excuses for him (he is always her exception .#llike whenevrr he gets some disease or affliction or whatever she ALWAYS jumps to going ‘but well… sometimes there’s this excuse’ and she#does this w a lot considering shes science focused but w mulder shes always like . well he ISNT crazy because uhhhh .#this hyperspecific scenario that is in no fuckin way the case)#but does she think he’s crazy? does HE think she thinks he’s crazy?#is he asking about this specific case or is he asking in general? over the entirety of the show?#its been five years scully. is he crazy? sick? demented?#has this all been a sick fantasy fueled by mental illness? youre the doctor scully . surely you have the answer?#anyways i dont think she knows . and if that is the case — what does that mean for her?
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Ничего не останется от нас, Нам останемся, в лучшем случае, мы
hi. hello. listen to this song
i have so many thoughts about these two. oh my god. maybe i will write it out some day, but for now drawing it out will do
translation will be under the cut! knowing the words does add to the work so i do recommend reading it. or just enjoy the art <3
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heres the translation, color coded according to how i broke it up for the art. just in casies
first page:
Love is scarier than war
Love strikes more true than steel
second page:
More true, because of your own volition
third page:
You run towards all the winds
Let there be pain and eternal battle
Not atmospheric, not earthly
fourth page:
But definitely with you
caption:
There will be nothing left of us,
we will be left with, in the best case, ourselves
#kunst huli#legend of zelda#botw link#botw zelda#botw zelink#tloz#zelink#totk#botw#i cannot express how proud i am that i actually managed not only to finish this#BUT. to have it look GOOD#painting stuff n making it messy in an appealing way has always been a fucking STRUGGLE for me#n i do think u can see my over-rendering tendencies rear their head up on the last one#and also i guess i should have made the last two pages connect like i did with the rest of them but i think it still works. thematically#the last one is like. the end. a break. the start of a much needed retirement#a breather u might say!#i also think the devs should have let link hug her at the end#he deserves it he thought hed never see her like this again#oh alsooooo since im on a tangent anyway#like many people i was disappointed by the cop-out of just giving link his arm back at the end of totk#and i still think it would be cool if he didnt#(or if he kept the magic hand. just imagine how thatll help with all the restoration work dlkfgjdfkgjdfkg)#BUT anyway. i thought about it. n i have a theory about what tf did they do at the end to get not only zelda but his arm back#the fucking time powers!!! what if they just reversed time on them...........#much to thunk about. anyway#hope u enjoy <3#now i can go finish phantom hourglass#god i hate having to go back to the temple of the ocean king tho. its like dishonored but u cant go up OR knock those guys out
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"Seeking to ease the burden of solitude, lonely Trainers tell Zoroark to show illusions to them."
#pokemon#pokemon black and white#pokemon bw#n harmonia#natural harmonia gropius#pokemon n#zoroark#clai's art#god damn ittttt its 3am again i need to. stop trying to do all my art in a single day but i know if i stop i might not finish ever BDJBDHFB#anyway heehoo. ouch#i said before that i hc zoroark to have Exceptional memory that they create their flawless illusions with but--#--i like the idea that its been so long. so much has happened. that the illusions of his memories of darmanitan have faded#i'm thinking like. as kids zorua did this all the time. conjuring illusions of all the pokemon he and n played with in the forest#and pretending to play with them again. at the time they didn't think they'd be in the castle forever#but as the days went on and n understood his place in team plasma more. they realized they wouldn't leave for a long time#so bringing up the forest became bitter. zoroark stops doing it. only when n is at his absolute lowest during bw1 does he ask--#--for zoroark to bring it up one last time. it doesn't really help. but they're both not sure what else could#my final point. i hate drawing backgrounds BDJVDJFHJD#cryign. to bed with me i cant keep staying up like this
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Just had a thought, it's completely half-baked: So, um, NoME I think, said that there totally could be hröar without any fëar running around, right? Translating: there could be moving bodies with no souls/occupants left.
Zombies. Middle Earth has zombies.
And when would be a better time for zombies to roam around than after Nirnaeth Arnoediad? Even more after Second and Third Kinslaying. You know who would have a perfect opportunity to fight zombies to the point of habit? Fëanorians.
So I imagined the situation where Maedhros and Maglor fight some zombies, successfully turning them into parts (I mean, duh). Then Maedhros says something self-hating like "Surely there's more good to them than was left of us(me) as it hunts and hurts without consent, intent nor will, unlike us(me)."
And Maglor looks at him, then at the zombie's head he holds. He reaps the skull open (with his hands, yes), takes zombies' brain out, and throws it at Maedhros with "We also have an evidence he had a brain, unlike some brother of mine."
Cue Medhros releasing the MOST Older Brother Sigh.
#silmarillion#silm#maedhros#maglor#zombies!#maglor later writing in his diary: “Dear Diary today Meadhros told me I'm dramatic I am NOT DRAMATIC I was illustrating a VALID point”#anyway Maedhros sighed at his antics#Maglor - 1 Meadhros' Severe Depression and Self-Hate - 0#bonus scene:#'way into Fourth Age in Valinor with everyone returned/reborn'#Mae: Hey remember how you threw zombie brain at me#Mags: which time#Mae: when you said there's visual evidence for it's existence unlike with our brains#Mags: YOUR brain. And you know. There's still no evidence#Mae: You will not open my freshly remade skull to check for brain you moron#Mags: You ate my dessert i left for later BITCH I MIGHT#cue Elrond's sighing#Maglor still claims he's Not Dramatic
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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When people are like Wei Wuxian was NOT suicidal it’s like. Ok sure. He just believed that his debt to the Jiangs should be paid with everything up to and including his life. And also that the moral and obvious thing to do in any situation is to put himself between anyone and harm's way. This is because he thinks he’s unkillable but he makes himself unkillable for the same reason he’ll die for a good enough reason: because it’s a way to have worth!
And then famously once everything goes to shit he does beg Lan Wangji to let him die as part of the moment where he is either destroyed by his own evil magic or lets his own evil magic tear him apart, a distinction I don't personally think matters very much at that point. Less explicitly textually, his mentally ill ass behavior after he gives up his core says to me that he wishes that he'd died honorably for Jiang Cheng when he had the chance and doesn't know what to do with himself since he hasn't.
Again I’m aware that he’s operating under a pretty specific set of culturally informed norms as a cultivator and member of a sect but like. TO ME. Everything about how Wei Wuxian conducts himself indicates that he has a box in his mind at all times that says 'in case of emergency break glass' and what’s inside the box is his own death. All the sound of mind actions of a man who has a normal and not suicidal relationship to death.
#suicide cw#I know I don’t need to engage with self identified wwx fans#who want him to be a perfect angel who only made good choices for pure reasons#but like#to ME dying for the jiangs is the only thing he might be able to do to please madame yu#and I think they both were very aware of that lol#in many ways Wei Wuxian was very comfortable with the idea that he’d be better use to people dead#this is like the CRUX of suicidality lol#it’s still suicidality even if it doesn’t look like#him being like wow I hate myself I want to die lol#which I do think as much as I don’t agree with giving him self esteem issues uwu style#he definitely gets there after he realizes that he’s ruined his life all to save the wens and it hasn’t saved them#the like who can tell what I should do soliloquy#anyway saw a post and was just thinking about it#also bc I made an offhand comment about him being suicidal#but i actually do genuinely think its an interesting facet of his character#specifically because i think his relationship to his own death is complex is based in his life also being not entirely his own#this is whats so juicy about a lot of the pre timeskip stuff!!!#like arguably this is true of cultivation society bc it’s a martial world#sure!#but imho he’s taking a step further#bc he does have inherent worth issues#namely that he doesn’t think he has inherent worth#which is why everything he does is designed to make up for that
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I started reading beastars so now HE's reading beastars .wait
THEY'RE reading beastars
#nobody gets a prize for correctly guessing which character yakumo relates to most#when the anime first came out and everybody hopped on the hype train#i scratched my chin thoughtfully and wondered.... would i like this? it seems like i would like this. should i watch it?#and all my friends around me said 'nah you'll probably hate it. it's really sad'#so i trusted them and ignored beastars the whole time. until now. when i saw the entire series at my LOCAL LIBRARY!!!!#so of course the curiosity wins out and i start reading it and i REALLY LIKE IT?? WTF WERE MY FRIENDS ON ABOUT?#this is sad yes but most of the time it's FUNNY? and also ANIMALS R COOL? bruh. i can't trust my friends' opinions of me anymore#anyway. due to the nature of my current nuca fixation timing. i kept thinking of it while reading#drawing parallels that may only exist in my mind LOL#i can imagine yaku being a freak over legoshi and his quest to become strong but not falling to his instincts and etc.etc.#yakugaru having a manga reading session in either o their bedrooms... lying on the floor engrossed in beastly tales...#these two would absolutely have a debate about which chara is most similar to eiden#to yaku it is obvs haru but i feel like garu would see eiden in a less.... prey sort of way#or maybe they'd agree on the haru comparison!! but yaku might hesitate to voice the 'mr eiden... has to be protected...' thoughts#and garu would proudly proclaim how eiden and haru share traits like bravery/outgoingness/super cool and go-getter/wise and worldly???#i kept staring down louis like.... you're some mix of dante and edmond... and something else....#UGH i like all the characters... they all have their charms.... they are all such creatures#honestly yahya the entire time was just relatable content and after seeing the way he lived out the rest of his life *chef's kiss* GOALS#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival garu
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tbh i think volo would have been significantly more normal and fine if he hadn’t been hiding so much of his true feelings and personality. like when you deny yourself genuine human connection to that degree you’re probably going to come off as a machiavellian monster who wants to make the world and the lives of others worse, but looking at his actual stated motivations and intentions it’s clear to me at least that the guy is deeply empathetic and idealistic and more than anything disappointed that the world can’t be better
#volo#pla#i don’t even think the game wants you to think he’s That Bad#given the way laventon discusses him talking about the pokédex and peacefully/awkwardly leaving#the way his eyes go all weird makes me think they were going for almost a jekyll and hyde psychotic break thing#but people kinda projected another kind of villain trope onto him—the calculating immoral sociopath—and that’s the common interpretation#it’s like the opposite of when people look at villains who are meant to be completely terrible and find redeemable things about them#insisting that the writers wanted people to see those things as well#i might be doing that myself but just looking at the text and themes of the game it seems to me that you’re supposed to feel bad for him#rather than like violently hate him#even just with the way the player looks at him when he walks away#and that’s not even getting into shit that happens in pokemas#like sorry man volo unintentionally and incidentally prompting arceus to separate the train guys does not make him evil#that was arceus…#same with the player character although i think volo would have had more of a reason to tell them what’s going on#ingo was accepted in hisui#they weren’t#anyway sorry i just wanted to add my take to the many floating around#maybe im wrong or you disagree! that’s fine#but yeah
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