#he may be dumb but at least he’s caring and polite

[thatsprettylane]

[hyperfixation-fix]

Just a reminder as we're all becoming continuing to be feral for season 2 of PJO

They're kids.

And as much as I love all the "omg he's totally Percy!!", just remember that he's not. They're actors. They're doing a phenomenal job and we're really lucky to have them as a fandom, but... remember that they've signed up for a big job at a very young age. It's our duty as a fandom (especially a fandom with a lot of adults in it) to protect them, make sure that they are being respected, and (APPROPRIATELY) call out inappropriate and/or disrespectful behaviour when we see it. If anyone needs it, I've put some examples below the cut.

✅Appropriate ✅

"Walker is such an incredible Percy!!!" "Leah does such a great job portraying Annabeth!!!!" "Their dynamic is amazing!!!"

"I don't like the way Walker plays Percy - I always saw him as XYZ." "I don't like Lea as Annabeth. It's just not how I saw her." (borderline. consider why you can't see Annabeth as anything except white. but if you're being polite, I'll give you a grudging pass)

Fully clothed/non-sexual fanart of the actors (in or out of character) (romantic is okay)

Posting/reposting consenting photos, (respectful) edits, etc of the actors in or out of character

Discussing details of their personal lives that the actors have chosen to share with the public (but don't make it weird, ok?)

❌Inappropriate❌

"Walker and Leah need to date irl, they have so much chemistry!!" uh. no. You're seeing *acting*. Leave their personal lives out of it

"Annabeth being played by a black actor is ridiculous, wokeness is getting out of control" or any variation upon that sentiment. Honestly just fuck off. Also (and yes this is a sub tweet) recolouring fanart that depicts Annabeth as black? Absolutely not. If you absolutely have to, go do your own fucking artwork like a normal human being instead of a racist POS.

Raunchy/suggestive/sexual fanart of the actors (in or out of character). Nope. They are children. Stop it. Don't care if you're "aging them up". Imagine how that feels for them.

Posting/reposting photos where the actors aren't/don't seem to be consenting to the photo

Speculating on or pressuring the actors to reveal ANY DETAILS about their private lives. This includes, but is far from limited to: their contact details/locations, their sexuality, their relationships, their diagnoses, their politics (they're still really young... idk about you guys but my political opinions were hot garbage at 16. they get a (moderate) pass until they're at least 18)

These are obviously non-extensive lists. Please use your brain, and, if in doubt, don't post it.

Also, if you see inappropriate behaviour, please don't be an idiot about it. First course of action should always be politely talking to the person in private. After that, yes, it may be appropriate to start publicly calling them out. Having said that, remember that teens can be dumb (speaking from lived experience...), so let's give them some grace. Ignoring, reporting, blocking, and not engaging is sometimes the best thing you can do for dumbasses, especially if they're attention-seeking.

I love you all and I have complete faith that we, as a fandom, can rally and make sure the cast knows that they are loved and respected.

[powerpuffobsession]

As much as I love Adam for a few fun parts of his character and for what he could have been at the hands of a competent writer (as shown by the fanfics where he gets properly developed)...

I feel like he (and the way he's characterised) is what broke Hazbin hotel season 1 pacing, Lucifer's character and the show's overall atmosphere.

(Long and packed rant under the cut, because I've been having these thoughts since I saw season 1, and I want to share them. Viewer discretion is adviced)

Before Adam existed (pilot era) it was all simple and worked more properly: a story about the hotel and its inhabitants, and most importanty, redemption. It was a small snuggly location with a few characters in the center of a plot

Heaven was in the background and kept as a mystery. Moreover, from what we've seen in the pilot, Lucifer was obviously a background villain or at least an anti hero, one of the real obstacles for Charlie to overcome on the way to her goal (instead of a minor inconveniece resolved in a single broadway song)

But when Adam and his weird obsession with murder broke into that perfectly cut out premise, everything just shattered. Too many themes got weaved into the short story of the 8 episodes: Heaven vs Hell politics, overlords, war, Charlie's conflict with Adam, the seraphims...

All of that pushed the hotel and the redemption to the background instead of Heaven.... in a cartoon that's named after the hotel. Because 8 episodes is not enough to talk about politics, a war and a 6 month redemption course (the latter even happened behind the screen with only some verbal hints given about the amazing secretive progress the hotel guests made that we were not allowed to see!)

(Had this cartoon stayed indie, there would have been a possibility of making more episodes and tackling more themes properly. But big name broadway actors are more important than that, it appears)

Back to Adam.

He is not even a good villain. He really should have been more of a background antihero. Give the man some sedatives, for f's sake! Where did all that rabidity even come from, after centuries of living in Heaven? Honestly, he'd be expected to act calmer and wiser than how he actually did, especially with how old he is (as old as the earth itself). But instead it's like he got frozen in a state of a dumb jock bully from high school

Imagine if Adam allowed Charlie and her hotel guests to prove that redemption is possible, out of principle, or curiosity. Hell, maybe even allow him to threaten to kill them, but not straight away! Later, after they fail to prove him wrong! If that's what Adam's role had been, the hotel part would have gotten time to breathe and more spotlight

All Adam did in the series, was:

1. make a lot of excessive noise

2. do dumbass things (and it wasn't even explained WHY he's the way he is, not even a single flashback or his own musings and thoughts shown, which makes all of his actions fall flat in every sense)

3. break the remains of logic (Heaven looks plain dumb because of him, not able to tell sinning from non sinning and to judge human souls properly. It's not even corruption, since Adam is not that important or benefitial to Heaven, an actual archangel like Michael could have been leading exorcists in his place and do a better job.... it's just stupidity)

And then Adam just died, for nothing and with no consequences.

I mean, straight after Adam's death Lucifer is immediately trying to divert the viewer's attention: "who wants pancakes? :D". It's like the cartoon itself doesn't care that the first human, one of the most mysterious beings in vivzieverse and someone who badly needed a second chance and therapy, just died. By a very stupid joke too (Niffty didn't even have to stab him).

In short, Adam's plotline is a huge waste of screen time...

And while his final smile to Lute may give us some hints that there's something good inside Adam, but it's more akin to mockery. Since we were never shown that there's more to Adam besides "the main character's opponent=ultimate bad"

And of course Lucifer was retconned into a pathetic uwu boi, who's depression and "silliness" have overshadowed the fact that he practically doomed humanity to a life full of pain, suffering and surviving and took away Adam and Eve's home. We don't even get the slightest glimpse of what exactly Lucifer DREAMED of that was so important to force him to do the humans dirty. Meaning it was something abstract and not thought-through anyway.

(Free will my ass.. Adam and Lilith did as they pleased in Eden without the free will, Adam ordering his wives around, Lilith being able to defy him and Eve being able to disobey God. What good did "free will" from that fruit even do them? If anything, it only did harm to everyone)

And so now this daft egotist is being portrayed as this selfless harmless character only for the sake of contrasting the painfully obvious bad evil that Adam is.

That comes off as black and white writing, fit more for a childrens cartoon, despite the show critisizing Adam for thinking in black and white terms. Not a good look

[satocidal]

𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ “Of Breads And Buns” - JJK Men

Synopsis: just Jujutsu kaisen men dealing with an oblivious (or are you?) reader—who’s all too focused on baking rather than the chemistry he’s trying to build.

— Word count: 1k

— A/n: Based on this ask here! Thank you so much to whoever requested it :) hope you enjoy it<3 (ps: I know geto is a bit different from request but I liked this better Lmao)

— Warnings: suggestive; mostly fluff + an oblivious reader; not proofread—may have typos

Gojo Satoru:

Stubborn. Just one word is to describe his indiscriminate efforts after you—he’s enamoured after all. It was simple really, Satoru had a sweet tooth, you preferred baking goods sweeter than most—from experience, he realised you were sweet too. And however could he control himself then? When you paraded around in the kitchen, an apron wrapped around you—save for the ganache stains you managed to land on your hand still—eyes focused into the dough at hand after than his careful eyes staring at you with adoration.

“Y/n,” Satoru found himself calling out cheerily—as per usual, a certain pull in his heart when he saw you smile back at him—god how he loved that smile of yours.

Hands outstretched you handed him a small box, his brows raised and a grin, “is it what I think it is?”

“Always,” you grinned back, waiting for him to open it, and as always, give you the best of reactions as he did—“How are these better than the ones I’ve- what?” He exaggerated it, always, you knew that but there was just a way in which it would warm your heart so you giggled.

“You’ve just got a master baker at hand Toru’” and he nodded, “Really the best,” his eyes landed on yours from behind his blindfold—how he wished you knew just how fond of you he was.

“But you know what’s sweeter?” A smirk lay bare on his face—a confused look on yours, “Yeah, plenty of things Toru’” you shook your head with an innocent smile, finding his question all too dumb to be asked.

He bit back a retort, keen to never say anything snarky to you, never to someone like you—“No but like, you know, right here. Between the two of us,”

A tilt of your head and an internal groan of his—“Why I don’t see-”

“-You,” his quick breath interrupted your own—minding it all too well to not let you ruin his line, “You’re sweet, the sweetest,” he paused, debating for a second too long on to whether he should let next part drop—he did, “Delicious if i must,”

A smirk he passed, seemingly confident but almost hilarious it was onto how he prayed that you would at least understand his words before chucking a punch at him in disgust.

A frown lay on your lips, a scrunch of your nose and then a roll of your eyes—“C’mon Toru’,” you got up, “You’re back onto saying mindless stuff? How could I even ever be delicious- you don’t know that until you eat me and that’s like, impossible,”

And just how he wanted to shout in your face that, that, was exactly what he wanted to do and a lot more.

Your words seemed defiant, now a frown lay on his lips—“Impossible, right.” And in that moment, that’s how it was—until you would perhaps grow another brain to add two and two together and understand his intentions.

You did however, notice hid frown and chuckled, “But it’s fine Toru’ I like your little stupid jokes,” and he smiled again—knowing all too well that crushing on you was the most tiresome job he’d picked up—“Yes Ma’am,” he grinned as he wrapped another one of your spare aprons around him, all too short on him, enticing a laugh from you—and he’d make sure to do the job right.

Geto Suguru:

Shameless. Geto Suguru could get away with a lot of things—something about that charming smile perhaps, or something to do with the polite apologies he would mutter. So it as lay, when the realisation hit him that you just didn’t ‘understand’ his flirts or his innuendos, all he wanted to see was how long he could continue before you would personally call him out on it. Smirks and glances, it would be long before you did so — and till then, he’d just enjoy the sight of you baking while he lounged around, uninvited.

“Freshly baked bread?” He prompted, as the bell in your bakery chimed the moment he entered—your gaze fell upon his, loosened hair falling in front of your eyes as you did so.

Ever the gentleman, he leaned forward with a smirk on his face, a raised brow of your own—his fingers moving to tuck your hair behind your ear—“You should do something about the loose strands,” your assistant muttered under her breath—a little too annoyed by Suguru Geto’s shenanigans.

A warmth spread across your face as you nodded, pulling away slowly with a lick of your lips—and a wink of his.

“Buns,” you replied slowly, looking at him as you kneaded dough for the next batch—“quite in demand these days,” he grinned as you turned around just then, bending a little to pick the baking tray—a huff you let out—a grin his, as he stared shamelessly at your form.

He hummed along, “Love myself some buns too,” he only ever chuckled as you turned around to face him again, “specially yours.”

Sometimes he pitied your assistant as he did now, for everything you and him put her through—a little cough she let out everytime he spoke such obscenities.

You smirked at his words—feigning your innocence, “You should get some, you know? Could give ya a discount too,” a mischievous smile you held as you roughly worked the dough—“Get into it doll,” he whispered, as if it were something so delicate—“Really wanna get into mounds you know? Work out that tension,” a groan he passed as you kneaded the dough he advised, “jus’ like that,”

Another cough—flustered, from the assistant.

“The dough of course,” Suguru added with a smirk as he got up, “I’ll let ya work your buns, bet it’ll be as soft and nice as you,” and with that, he was gone—as always.

“Y/n,” a whine you heard as you turned around, a blushing mess of your assistant, “You do know he’s flirting with you right?”

A laugh erupted from you as you shook your head, “Is he now then? Seemed like genuine help to me,”

A shove from her and you laughed more, “I’ll let him go on for a while I think.”

All of this original and my own—please refrain from copying or reposting.

Likes and Reblogs highly appreciated!

Taglist:- @rizzmin @illogicallyx @gojoismybitch @lavendervogh @mistyheart @yooiimiya @myrand0mfand0mbl0g @kazoomas @4sat0ruu @hiomi-hiomi @misaki-the-lotusflower

[dawnisdreamlanding]

Chapter 4

Ghost x Reader x Konig

Neighbor!au and Roommate!au

About me | Masterlist |

Author's note: Hey!! my 3 month hiatus is finally over!! I finally have time to write hahahasdf I hope you guys like this chapter :) Lmk if you wanna get added into the taglist.

Truth be told, Konig could have come back home to you ages ago. But ever since his mission ended a month ago, he’s chosen the stiffness of his military bed over the softer, more appropriately sized bed that’s waiting for him at home. Why, you may ask? Well, it might have something to do with the way the blood of his enemies still cling onto him no matter the amount of times he’s tried to scrub it off and the thought of your horrified face when you find out that it was him who spilled their blood.

It’s a foolish thought to think that a man like Konig could live a normal, civilian life. He’s a battering ram made for the battlefield, and he’ll be that way for the rest of his life. He looks over at his desk which is nearly free of any reports. He’s been trying to find every excuse he can to not go back to your apartment, but it’s the promise he made with you to watch that stupid, stupid show of yours that finally gets him packing to go home.

—

You’ve never been so glad to hear that familiar long tired sigh that only your roommate makes. You practically rush out of the kitchen, dishes forgotten and greet him. “Konig!” you say with a smile. You excitedly stand in front of him, but you know better and keep your hands to himself. He’s never really been a big fan of touch since day one, and you swore to yourself to respect his boundaries, no matter how excited you may be to see him after so long.

So you’re very much surprised when Konig was the one to actually hug you first. His strong arms wrap around you, holding you close and tight, making sure you couldn’t run away — so much so that you couldn’t even lift your arms to hug him back. You don’t ask questions, you don’t pry into his private life, waiting patiently until Konig is the one who tells you about his life. It’s one of the qualities he likes about you so much. You don’t pry into his life yet somehow have the capability to care for him somewhat endlessly.

He takes a long, deep breath and it feels like half of his burdens have been lifted from his body when he exhales, the same way you drop a heavy bag after coming home from a long trip. He doesn’t let go of you for quite some time.

While Konig wishes he could be in the moment and enjoy this small comfort he has  in his bloodshed-filled life, he is stuck in his own head. How would you react if he told you the nature of his job? Would you push yourself away from him right now? Would you be so disgusted, you’d tell him to never come near you ever again? Konig would understand why.

His fingers press against the cotton material of your cloud sweater you’re wearing as an effort to ground himself. The feeling of your soft sweaters, the way his arms wrap around your body so easily, would he lose all of this? Would “Ko” cease to exist? 

It is then that he decides not to tell you — not quite yet, anyway. Call him selfish all you want, but he wants to keep you around and hug you a little more. Spend a couple more nights laughing about dumb characters in pointless shows and watching you eat his cooking after you come back from work. Just a little more of those moments before you slip away from his grasp.

—

The smell of butter melting on bread that wafts into your room wakes you up. You opened a bottle of red wine last night -- a Pinot Noir -- to celebrate him coming home after a long 3 months. He politely declined it when you had offered a glass to him, saying that he didn’t drink. Which struck you as odd, because you swore you remember seeing a can of beer lying in the trash the last time he was home.

You don’t remember much of anything that happened after you downed the 4th glass of red wine but hey, at least your head wasn’t pounding. You pull the blanket off you and you realize that you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes. The bed creaks as you get up and can be heard all the way from the kitchen. “Maus?” Konig calls out.

You show yourself in the kitchen not long after, and he serves you bread rolls with butter and strawberry jam. “I eat this when I was young.” He opens up as he places the plate in front of you. You realize that Konig has opened up more to you in the last 24 hours than he has since you first met him, but you aren’t complaining.

“It’s good.” You say. It’s simple bread and butter, quite literally. Not much Konig could’ve gotten wrong anyway. He seemed nervous as he watched you take that first bite but after your comment, he lights up. “I’m glad.” He says. It takes him a moment to snap out of it, but he sits down opposite of you and he begins eating his own share of the bread rolls.

You can’t help but stare at him in slight wonder, watching him slip the bread rolls under his hood to eat them. “Does it ever get hard to breathe?” Konig freezes momentarily at the question and he thinks that maybe you’ve caught on to the monster he truly is. But after a short moment of silence, you motion to his hood and it all makes sense.

He looks at you; truly looks at you. A little bit of strawberry jam smeared on the left corner of your mouth, a sweeter shade of red than the usual blood he sees on the field. “Sometimes.” He answers with a subtle hint of a secret meaning that he doesn't dare utter. You continue eating but he can't help but stare at you. 

He leans forward and his thumb swipes the jam off your face, leaving you a little stunned and a little embarrassed. The jam on his thumb is the same color as the blood on the battlefield but with you in the frame, it isn't blood; it’s a peaceful breakfast eating bread rolls and jam with you on a Sunday morning.

Taglist: @gojo-mochi @itsthealice @multifamdom-lover3 @sleepyoriana

[magniloquent-raven]

What do you think of an AU where Billy lives post season 3 and gets adopted by Murray and Alexei?

They would probably have a dynamic very similar to the El and Hopper's one in season 2.

What do you think?

OOooo an anon blessing my inbox, hello 💜

I think it would be an absolute mess tbh. At least at first. Because Billy is difficult, and Murray is prickly at the best of times (and not above fighting with children lmao). Alexei might be the least confrontational of them, but he's more likely to get a kick out of all the arguing than try to stop it.

Mostly aimless rambling under the cut lol

I'm thinking no Hopper death fake-out in this AU? He never liked Billy much, despite how polite the kid always was when he got pulled over. Something about him always seemed off. But then he nearly died saving El. She pulls him aside while Billy's in the hospital, and with that serious crease between her eyebrows, tells him just enough to convince him Billy doesn't have a home to go back to. So he makes arrangements.

And like. Murray isn't exactly his first choice. But. He doesn't have a lot of options. He needs someone with the funds and the space to house an entire traumatized teenager, and it needs to be someone who knows what happened to him.

It's temporary, Hopper assures them. The kid's eighteen, he just needs somewhere to stay while he heals up and gets enough money together to get a place of his own. It won't be that much of an imposition. It's the right thing to do. Say yes, because he needs somewhere to go, I swear to god, Murray.

Billy treats Hopper doing him a favour like it's a punishment. He's sullen the whole way there. Silent in the passenger seat of the cruiser, a half-full duffel bag in his lap. He doesn't want to be back in Hawkins with Neil, but that doesn't mean he wants to stay with some creepy guy and his weird Russian roommate. He can take care of himself, and this charity bullshit is fucking insulting.

Thing is though, Billy doesn't outright say that. He doesn't talk that way to adults, as a rule. Neil's rule. He will say please and thank you, no matter how wooden it sounds. He takes his issues out on peers, not the people with power over him.

So he barely says two words to Murray and Alexei that first day. They're not exactly thrilled to have him around, so they're not getting in his business anyways. It's awkward. Billy holes up in the guest room Murray's been using for storage, and alternates between restless sleep and staring at the water-stained ceiling.

It takes three days for Murray to get annoyed at Billy's I'm On My Best Behaviour act. It's insincere as hell, and Murray's always hard pressed not to call people out for lying. So he prods. Under the guise of small talk, at first. He asks how Billy knows Hopper. Asks what he's planning to do once he's healed up more. Mentions that Max has called like four times and Billy has yet to even check the messages.

Which. Does not go over well. Billy knows what he's doing, Neil does it all the time. Asking pointed questions, hoping to get a rise out of him. If Billy reacts he has a reason to punish him. If Billy breaks, he's not strong enough, not good enough. He needs a firmer hand, more discipline. But just because Billy knows doesn't mean he can stop himself from snapping, lashing out, getting angry and defensive and sneering.

And then he braces himself for the fallout. A belt, a hand, an insult. Punishment for not keeping his mouth in check. It's instinct, getting keyed up, waiting, waiting...

For a hit that never comes. In fact, Murray seems relieved. Delighted. "Fucking finally," may have been his exact words.

So Billy's just wound up over nothing, without direction he's snapping at shadows, flinching and biting. But no one seems to mind the teeth.

They argue a lot after that. Billy and Murray. Over music being played too loud, and whether Billy's allowed to drink when he's still got hospital stink on him, and dumb, inconsequential shit like that. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's Murray saying too much and Billy tasting blood. Sometimes it's Billy getting pushy and entitled, using his scars as an excuse to take up more space than he was invited to.

Meanwhile Alexei just seems to be along for the ride. Billy teaches him some English swear words (mostly by accident and then definitely on purpose) and Alexei returns the favour. They are both absolute menaces when Murray declares he's going grocery shopping, and they've taken to teaming up about it. Murray is this 🤏 close to kicking Billy out after Billy introduces Alexei to Metallica and discovers that he likes it.

And then there's the gay thing. Like. Murray and Alexei aren't hiding their relationship, they decided it would be too much work and if the kid had a problem with it he could find somewhere else to live. But they're not super obvious either, just. Naturally. So it takes Billy a minute to realize. In his defence, he's got a lot going on.

It's not a huge grand reveal, he just sort of. Notices some things. And then puts the pieces together. And then panics. He spends the entire day after his revelation hiding in the guest room. Panicking.

He doesn't know why exactly it terrifies him so much. He doesn't have to hide from Neil anymore, and barely anyone even knows he's alive, it's not like there's going to be rumours going around about Billy shacking up with some old gay dudes. But he feels exposed anyways. Self-conscious. He starts to wonder if Hopper knew somehow, and that's why he's here. Maybe the girl who was in his head has been going around telling people about him.

The next day, he manages to come out of his room, but he isn't over it. They notice him acting weird, despite how hard he tries to keep it under wraps. Alexei figures it's a PTSD thing, they all know Billy has nightmares. He's entitled to some off days.

But Murray clocks him. Because of course he does. He flinches when Alexei touches Murray's shoulder, briefly, innocently, but Billy has to look away and that's when Murray realizes.

Not the why of it, not at first, but he realizes that Billy's being weird about their relationship. And he doesn't handle it the best. He's started to like the kid, is the thing. Billy's a pain, and he's an awful little brat, but he's grown on him. Like a hissy little cat that never lets you pet it. It's not nice, but sometimes it does cute little cat things and you're endeared anyways. Billy can be funny, sometimes. He helps out around the house but pretends not to. And he's unexpectedly smart.

And now he's being. Like this. And maybe it sort of hurts. So maybe Murray says some things he shouldn't. Pointed comments, from what Murray knows about Neil he's sure that's where this came from, and he doesn't hesitate to let Billy know that. Billy might've moved states to get away from his father but it looks like he might've brought him along for the ride anyways.

Which obviously does not go over well. And it's the way Billy responds, his fear and the cadence of his anger. That has Murray saying "Oh, this is a self-hatred thing." Without thinking.

It's the first time Billy cries in front of them.

It's not for long. A moment of shock, and tears slipping down his cheeks, he's there just long enough for them to see his face before he bolts, and locks himself in the guest room.

They don't ever really talk about that whole conversation. Not outright. It takes weeks for things to go back to normal. Billy's back to not saying much of anything, and Murray feels guilty enough not to push about it. Alexei's trying to mediate, for once, but it doesn't help. Everyone involved is too stubborn to take advice.

Months later, when Billy's a little bit drunk and a little bit sleep deprived, he finally admits out loud that Murray was right. Entirely out of the blue.

They still don't discuss the fight, not directly. They just. Talk. About growing up queer. About parents. It's a little stilted. A little awkward. But it's a turning point. And it's good.

misc. thoughts:

Alexei helped open the new gate and is therefore a little bit responsible for what happened to Billy? When Alexei realizes this he starts coddling Billy to make up for it. It's little things at first, buying him sweets and letting him choose what they watch on TV, but Billy starts to notice him walking on eggshells and gets irritated, pushing to see where this sudden grace will end. He kind of just assumes he's being treated this way because of his injuries, but when he eventually finds out who Alexei actually is and what he did shit kind of blows up. Billy straight up leaves the house for the first time since he moved in. Just walks out. Alexei tells Murray what happened and Murray gets angry at Billy, only realizing later (after Billy comes back, at like 3am) that he was so pissed because he was worried

Hopper has no idea that Murray and Alexei are together, and part of the reason Murray was so annoyed about taking in another stray is because babysitting would cut into the time he can spend with his boyfriend

Everyone in Hawkins (except the main characters) thinks Billy is dead, and this has been really hard for Max. Neil left, and she's glad he's gone, she's glad Billy's away from him and that her mother doesn't have to deal with him anymore. But it's also extremely difficult to watch her mother grieve both Billy and her marriage.

Briefly considered making that thought Billy had about Hopper putting him up with Murray and Alexei because of the gay thing actually true

[princess-of-the-corner]

Mistaken Spirit: General Outline?

Like, just for myself, the way it seems to be playing out:

- for MHA, this takes place after AfO has been taken out.

- Enji fights … Portalia (whatever villain’s name is), who accidentally sends him to an Alternate Universe. Said Alternate Universe happens to be Avatar the Last Airbender. This is shortly after Aang got zapped by Azula, so she and Zuko are home, everyone thinks the Avatar is dead, the rest of the Gaang are in hiding, planning next steps, taking care of comatose Aang.

- This whole debacle may or may not have been due to interference from the Spirits, wanting someone to deal with Ozai but being unable to for whatever reason. Possibly whichever Spirit that MEANT to manifest in the Fire Nation smacked into Enji in transit, and while Enji ends up in Caldera City, the Flame Spirit ends up in Mustufa.

- Enji has NO IDEA where he is, but is quickly mistaken for a Fire Spirit, or at the very least, a mortal “Blessed by the Sun”, and doesn’t have a lot of choices but to play along.

- people are split on if the Spirit of the Flame/Ember of Agni/Sun’s Blessed showing up is a good thing or bad omen, are they pleasing the spirits, etc. etc.

- in an attempt to control the situation, Ozai welcomes Enji into his home, plays gracious host. Enji is IMMEDIATELY put off by Ozai (his hero instincts are telling him to punt this guy into the sun), but does his best to try and be civil.

- Enji’s general distaste for Ozai is kind of hard for Enji to hide, so people start whispering. Ozai, in an attempt to ingratiate himself to the Spirit, assigns his own daughter (and possibly Zuko too) to be his “attendant”.

- Enji feels several red flags popping up, cause last time this shit happened, rich people throwing their kid(s) at him, he ended up married. The more he talks to these kids, the more those red flags start smoking.

- Azula and Zuko both fully expected this to end with one of them dead. They are surprised that the Spirit seems to be so concerned for their welfare. Enji seems to be horrified by things they see as normal. They begin to question several things.

- Somewhere in here, Aang wakes up, and hears about the Fire Spirit in the Fire Nation, maybe makes the decision to try and go there to meet with said Spirit in the hopes of reconnecting with the Spirit World.

- Enji also meets Iroh somewhere in here, is unbelievably relieved to find at least one person who believes him when he says he isn’t a spirit. Manages a few good conversations. Becomes more concerned about Zuko and Azula. Becomes more convinced that he should punt Ozai into the sun.

- Shoto, or someone else from MHA, text Enji’s phone to check its out of service, end up realizing that while calls are out, texting and photos are not. Enji explains where he is to those back home.

- Everyone is concerned and confused, until someone who’s a fan of older, pre-Quirk era media (Izuku/Kaminari/Ojiro) realize where Enji probably is. After much debate, they tentatively tell him the barebones basics. Combined with what Enji already knows, it paints a very bad picture.

- it culminates in Enji publicly calling Ozai out as a terrible ruler, father, and general waste of a human being, which causes a rift in the Fire Nation politics.

-Ozai decides that the best way to deal with that is to have the Spirit assassinated.

- said assassination ends with Azula nearly getting killed, and Enji finally going after Ozai in a rage.

- Ozai is forced to run for his life.

- due to dumb politics, Enji is now temporary Fire Lord until Ozai is defeated by either Azula, Zuko, or the Avatar.

- Gaang finally show up, everything is explained. Aang confirms Enji is NOT a Spirit. They determine that Enji is probably stuck there until Ozai is taken out. The hunt for Ozai begins.

- Probably lots of shenanigans while they hunt around. Iroh gets released from prison, Enji keeps deferring to him for decisions. The kids all bond, and start having therapy.

- Ozai plans whatever his thing is around the Comet.

- Azula and Zuko end up fighting their dad, which surprisingly, Ozai did not actually see coming. They kick his ass.

- kind of like they idea that, rather than killing him, Azula uses some of Ty Lee’s hand to hand training to chi-block him. Maybe Aang can still energy-bend his bending away. Maybe Enji DOES punt him into the sun.

- Ozai is defeated. ACTUAL Spirit shows up to congratulate Enji, apologize for what happened, and send him home. There is much hugging and tears. Enji accidentally leaves his phone behind, which lets the two places have limited communication.

is that the general gist? (Anything you’d change, add, alter?)

I’m oddly attached to the idea that, after communication between MHA & AtLa is established, the MHA guys decide to try and send someone else along to help Enji out. I’m REALLY attached to the notion they send Aizawa, who can ERASE BENDING. Everyone is rightfully terrified of him.

-

Absolutely beautiful.

[swordsandarms]

This is a reply in regards to this post, which highlights the high likelihood that, whether people are fine with the author's choices or not, RxL is written by him with romantic nuance as far as the text goes. @sahtinekryze

And I think this fandom really needs to have a honest analysis of the idea of "selfishness" in narrative choices such as this, which is that when it comes to how the whole "duty vs love" scenarios Martin writes, he does not actually writes it with some wide spectrum ranging from selfish to sacrificial. There are usually no other choices than the two.

Could one define the alleged choice of breaking a noble marriage contract that would have negative political influence at the least, had it been the best case scenario (which one would logically assume the two might have hoped for instead of very lots of people dying including themselves) as 'selfish', which in its very definition is doing something for one's self, though it may not be advantageous for others? Yes.

But as I said, Martin doesn't write a middle ground. There's that, or Lyanna marries an unwanted man and is hence forced to have a non-consensual relationship with him, and forced to carry children out of a noncon relationship, so that her male relatives can reap benefits of political power, as well as her groom through her womb. And as shows inspired by these books love to show us very graphic such cases (like Daenerys in GOT, or the storyline given to show!Sansa, or the changes for show!Alicent in HOTD), I am sure fans should have learnt better about the accusations usually thrown at Lyanna in fandom spaces in regards to being another woman marrying against her will in a society where a woman cannot say no, marital rape isn't recognised, and a husband is "just taking his rights": that "this is just being whiny". (There are many other examples in the books; the author is also not holding back on what unwanted or unsuitable marriages mean to women.)

Against the fanon idea that she is some wild, demanding, conceited girl, she doesn't rage, she doesn't bite. She has a tentative, soft spoken conversation with her brother about it and her reluctance in the matter, and is (nicely) dismissed.

Had she not (allegedly, while all is unconfirmed) fallen for the Crown Prince and he for her, there is no one else powerful enough to extract her from her situation (her male relatives having made up their own minds in the matter), nor anyone else to go from where she cannot be recovered by a powerful and connected family and fiance. No one else she could marry/sleep with that wouldn't be shut down and covered (as seen with Tyrion or Lysa) to preserve the higher price for which her womb can be bartered. Just no other viable choice that wasn't the other end of the scale: a woman being sacrificed by men, for men's uses.

As I said at the start, this is simply how Martin writes these conflicts of "mind and heart". He corners the characters. There is no light at the end of the tunnel that isn't also sort of "selfish" and "dumb" looking on the surface.

This can be applied to more such situations in the text-

Catelyn undoes the already precarious state of her son's campaign by releasing their most valuable captive. She has not even a guarantee that her 'selfish' act for love will work. But there are no options she's given. No one else cares to make it a priority to get her daughters back. The only other choice is to let it be and let 2 girls be sacrificed in marriages of ill intent to use their wombs and discard them, unsure if she will find anything left of them but Lannister named babies when this is over. It is "selfish". It is "dumb". Yet she's cornered.

Jon makes the decision to go fight Ramsay Bolton because he's run out of options and he's cornered. Arya is allegedly in the hands of the family that have viciously killed a number of Starks and taken Winterfell. She is 11 and allegedly married. He is made sick at the thought of what is being done to her. He's tried the "lesser" tactics of getting her rescued without being seen as trespassing the status quo of the NW publicly, by sending others for her. But it was always going to come to this. Ramsay guesses (or finds out) that his escaped bride would make it to the Wall. Keeping "peace" and "doing his duty" instead of "being selfish and dumb" is handing over "Arya" himself if she even makes it to appease the Lord of Winterfell, sacrificing a girl to an unwanted marriage meant to use her for her womb and discard her.

There are no actual choices when there is no actual scale in between "selfish and dumb" and the sacrifice of a girl (or, you know, 2,3, as many as Westeros would swallow as it did for millennia for this or that Lord or King to amass and keep power), whether they are Lannisters trying to get Winterfell, or Starks extinguishing the line of the Warg King.

[the-world-of-nai]

birth chart analysis: harry styles

today we are analyzing our air king, harry styles. i have noticed i've only been analyzing women so i wanted to switch it up. harry's chart kinda scares me, at least his big 6. anyways, let's get to it!

DISCLAIMER: this is just my interpretation of and opinion on his chart. it is not absolute truth, nor do you have to agree with it, but i'd like to hear your thoughts in the comments :) every sign has its shadow traits. i have aquarius and libra in my chart, but i will be pointing out the shadow traits of these signs. astrology is just for fun, not that deep. i feel the need to make this disclaimer as people are seemingly offended by some of my astro notes...

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sun in ♒︎, 11°

ah yes, the aqua sun. what is there not to love? the pickmeisha behaviour? the emotional unavailability? the know it all syndrome? LOL ANYWAYSSSS BEFORE ALL THE BUTTHURT PEOPLE COMMENT I WAS JUST KIDDINGGGGGGG (i am an aqua myself, okay? i'm allowed to make these jokes💅). so this placement makes harry a mercury influenced aqua (if u are dumb that just means he is an aqua with some gemini vibes sprinkled onto him). off the bat, we can say that harry is a humanitarian at heart. he wants to change the world and be known for some big innovation. he has a way with words. he likes to learn new things, but he is quite set in his own convictions. harry believes that he is smarter than most people, and he is probably right. developed aquarians are open-minded, but they are hardly wrong about things so their beliefs/convictions don't change much. the shadow side to this is (drumroll plz) KNOW IT ALL SYNDROME!!! with all that aqua in his chart, harry believes himself to be a genius but he is also above the school and education system. 2 cool for skool. did i mention how rebellious he is? harry is a stubborn person in general. he is either super traditional, or super liberal in his beliefs. he does not like to follow the crowd. he likes to come to his own conclusions on things and he has a dislike of sorts for those who cannot think for themselves. harry is eccentric, social, friendly, accepting of others, and a bit flighty if anything. he has some special snowflake syndrome for sure. he likes getting attention for his innovative ideas. he wants to be a pioneer of sorts. he likes to stand out for his uniqueness, so to speak. he wants to help the world and make it a better place. i mean, just look at his merch LOL. he wants to encourage people to be their most authentic selves, because he cannot imagine not living that way.

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moon in ♎︎, 11°

bro idk what it is with these celebs and libra moons! 3/4 of my analysis now have libra moons. it does add up though because libra moons value social status and luxury. harry is charming, emotionally aloof, attractive, and likeable. he is someone who does not like conflict. he values peace, harmony, and manners. MANNERSSSS. he is polite and sweet to people. he may be fake sometimes and pretend to like people who he doesn't like lol. he knows how to make others like/trust him and he can easily use this to his advantage (read: take advantage of other ppl after making them feel special and showering them with compliments!!). overall, he is very concerned with what is right. he will stand up to bullies, esp with that aqua influence. he likes fashion, luxury, status. he cares a good deal about his looks. he can be quite experimental/unique in his fashion tastes. he is not a very emotionally reactive person. it is rare to see him yell or get very angry. he is calm, cool, collected. a people pleaser at heart. he may have a strong conscience/gets guilty easily. he is indecisive on his feelings. he is a romantic and he longs to be in a partnership. he is very social and always wants to be around people because it energizes him, gives him meaning. the approval of others is important for his self esteem. without it, he may feel empty inside.

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asc in ♎︎, 28°

again, it is all about the MANNERSS with this man. he is so polite and charming. all smiles and compliments. a 'gentleman' so to speak. he is medium tall, beautiful smile, pretty boy. always well kempt and effortless beauty. quite aloof and detached when you meet him (and lowkey always cuz like he's all air). he is the type of person that u meet and u swear he was flirting with you, but then u see that he flirts with everyone LOLLLLLLLLL. he may be a hugger. makes people feel quite special. again, cares a good deal about his looks. to harry, meeting new people is like a game: how fast can i make this person like me???

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mercury in ♒︎

okay harry, we get it. you are not like other girls!! with mercury in aqua, harry likes to learn. he likes to write. he may be good at learning languages. he has a way with words, albeit a bit of a unique way. he is curious. he is fun to speak to. he may be interested in weird niche things like the occult, anime, poetry, etc. he likes to know about the world. could also be into debating and/or politics, esp with that libra in his chart.

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venus in ♒︎

more aqua, are we shocked?? taylor swift also has a venus in aqua,,, soulmates? so basically this means many things. harry treats his lover like his best friend. this can make his lover wonder if they're even special at all lol. to his loved ones, harry is generous, caring, friendly, accepting, understanding, and quirky. though he is non-committal and flighty as well. he values mental connection above all else. he wants someone who he can have good conversations with; someone who stimulates him mentally. he may be the type who is open to poly relationships LOLLLLLLLLLL or like sexual experimentation?? with all this aqua lmao. he has a very unique/eccentric sense of style.

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mars in ♒︎

harry does NOT CAREEEEEEE. he does not get mad or vengeful, he is a just a go with a flow dude who wants to have a good time. harry does not hold grudges either lol. again, he is rebellious and marches to the beat of his own drum. he does not like to be told what to do. he honestly could not give less of a fck what other people r sayin. he has his own methods when it comes to getting his projects done. his work ethic is: i will work when i feel like it! and if u tell him to work, he is less likely to do it because it triggers his aqua rebellion instincts.

anyways it's kinda hard to elaborate further cuz this man is just an aquarius through and through LOL.

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thank you all for reading! lmk your thoughts below. who should i do next??

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tags @urnumber1star @drchenquill @paeliae-occasionally @leahnardo-da-veggie!

OC Interaction

Number's OC: Micheal from Bolt Runners. He’s sixteen years old but sometimes acts too old for his age. He’s a superhero by night so he tries to be as responsible as he can but is also chronically sleep deprived. He is very wary of anyone he doesn't know and will sometimes spend days trying to figure out their intentions. If he thinks that they are a threat he will do one of two things. Either try to talk to them if he thinks they can be swayed, or attack and try to take them down. If he thinks they;re intentions are good, then he’ll try to be friends with them. He’s overall a really good guy but is often very gullible at times. He will also talk your ear off if you let him. He just wants to help people. 

Dr. Chen's OC: Elias is an eighteen year old boy, sold by his parents as part of a deal to work for a man he never even met. He tends to fall in a pit of selfloathing thoughts, spiriling until he is too deep too see positivty in anything. Since he didn't have a good childhood, he feels protective of anyone that he thinks is being mistreated, often resulting in him snapping at people, without knowing the context of the situation.

Paelie's OC: Apollo is about 24. He is very protective of people he cares about, this includes all magic kids because they are routinely exploited by the mages in power. He is generally a really chill person and is very observant of how people receive him. Because of this he is incredibly patient and will convince you to tell him your problems so he can help you solve them. That said, he is an incredibly capable caster and will non-lethally fight you if you threaten others.

Leah's OC: Katherine looks like a fifteen year old girl, acts like a cryptid and is probably closer to the latter than the former. She's quiet, secretive, and rather creepy, at least to the casual observer. To someone who knows her (that is, her best friend/apprentice Dane and her elder brother L), she is a pathological snarker, has the worst authority issues known to any immortal entity, and likes chocolate gelato more than life. She'd gleefully pick a fight with anything from vampire teachers to the goddess of dreams for no bigger reason than because she could. That said, she does have a good heart.

Well, I think I have only one main oc I haven't done for this game yet!

My OC: Avymere Kalaphon Spearsong III is a 153 year old elf and Duchon (gender neutral equivalent of Duke/Duchess) of the city of Salis. They act as a spy and political agent for their father, Archduke Eluan Spearsong, who rules Salis. They also keep watch for assassins, on top of playing the perfect, if ditzy, heir in front of the court. They tend to keep up a happy-go-lucky facade in order to disguise their true cunning and because of this, are very reluctant to let their true personality show, to the point that they've sort of lost who they are. The one thing they embrace with their full, honest heart is martial arts. Though it's seen as a lowly habit that the court indulges on account of the Duchon's 'airheadedness,' they really do love to practice Talmel Valkys and are quite the fighter. It's where they feel they can drop any acts they have up. Apart from that, they have a hard time socializing outside of situations they're not used to and get easily flustered when they don't hold all the cards, as they don't actually have much experience outside of the highest echelon of Salis society. Though well meaning, they also tend to come off as aloof and unaware of the problems of the common man, even though they truly believe that they are a servant of the people they rule.

Now let's see how they'd interact!

Avymere and Micheal: I think these two have very similar stances on their responsibility to protect people. Michael would probably be very wary of Avymere at first, and Avymere would be very wary of Michael. If he is gullible, he may fall for the dumb, but well-intentioned act Avymere puts on. However, in any high stress scenario, I think he'd be able to tell that Avymere is smarter than they let on. Overall, I think these two would get along decently, especially if they ended up doing superhero stuff together. They can be work friends. I do think it'd be funny to watch a sleep deprived teenager and a grim scion of an ancient elven royal line beat up goons side by side. He could teach them what a TikTok is.

Avymere and Elias: I'll be honest, Avymere is not the best at comforting people. I think they'd be concerned for Elias and would want to help him, but just wouldn't know how. From Elias's perspective, I doubt he'd trust Avymere. They're a powerful adult with weird vibes, who sometimes slips and calls people peasants. I doubt he'd hang around long enough to get to know them.

Avymere and Apollo: So, I didn't mention it because their bio is already long, but Avymere's family is famed for its powerful sorcerers. Except, Avymere never inherited that power, and neither did they have the right sort of mind to learn book magic. That said, they're a little uptight around magic users, like they have to prove their worth even if they don't understand spells or runes. I think Apollo would clock this, and would probably also clock the rest of Avymere's general strangeness. It'd take a while, but I think he could get a story out of them eventually. Avymere would respect anyone who protects kids and would likely offer their assistance in Apollo's work, but damn if they'd be resistant to any of his attempts to therapize them.

Avymere and Katherine: As a spy, all secrets seem dangerous to Avymere. They'd be able to tell something is off about Katherine pretty quickly and would try to investigate. That said, I think Katherine would just try to fuck with them. Laying false evidence, coming up with weird rumors, and all that. If they ever did meet face to face, any conversation would be pure vitriol, since Katherine is a rebellious snarker and Avymere is authority incarnate. However, once they satisfy themself that Katherine isn't a danger to people, I think it'd go the way of the kid vigilante/cop who pretends to dislike them, but protects them when shit goes down trope. Any conversation between them would likely involve lots of tormenting on Katherine's part and lots of snooty comments from Avymere, but ultimately, Avymere's duty is to protect people, so they'd do their best to keep this snarky kid safe.

Wow, that was a lot! Let me know what you all think :)

I'll tag @tildeathiwillwrite @somethingclevermahogony @watermeezer @cssnder @willtheweaver and anyone else who wants to join!

[wuxianxkexing]

Back on my Mu Qing shit with a Mu Qing x Goddess Reader fic! I haven't written anything in like a decade so hopefully this doesn't suck. Lol Part 1 of Stop Fucking With My Cat.

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Mu Qing sat in his office doing paperwork from his latest mission. It wasn't anything special, just some ghost fires that kept leading villagers astray in a small remote village, never to return. Normally he would've sent one of his deputies to handle the issue, but honestly he was so tired of the politics and endless stupidity of the other Heavenly Official's that he just needed to desperately get away from it all for a while. So he took the incredibly low ranking mission so he would have an excuse to go far away from this place and see some majestic sights that isolated places like that village always had. Of course Ling Wen was now up his ass wondering why such a low ranking mission took him a month and he was scrambling in his head for an even somewhat valid excuse. God's don't get vacations and he can't say that he got hurt and needed to rest. He would become the new laughing stock of the Heaven's if he got that injured by little ghost fires.

He let his hair down and massaged his scalp. Why does it even matter that he was gone a month? Nothing important had happened while he was gone, he was still reachable via the communication array if something had happened and no one had even noticed he was gone until he went to pick up his merits for completing the mission. He noted to himself to start having one of his deputies pick up his merits from now on, that was the only misstep he had taken on his unauthorized "vacation". He sighed and rolled his eyes before softly banging his head on his desk.

He laid there for while just staring into nothingness when the sound of the cat door rousted him. He looked over and saw his beloved black tom cat Echo enter the room. He instantly frowned. What the absolute fuck was he wearing!? Echo happily sauntered over to his owner and head butted his leg. Mu Qing picked him up and stared at him incredulously. Echo's nails were painted a bright pink and he wore, an albeit cute, collar made out of lotus flowers.

"Who did this to you?" Mu Qing questioned, as if Echo could tell him. Echo just slowly blinked at him and began to purr. Mu Qing rolled his eyes and removed the flower collar before hugging Echo to his chest to give him all of the pets. It was probably just one of his junior officers, however he would have to have a word with them over painting Echo's nails.

The next morning Mu Qing called all of his officials together for a meeting. "OK, I don't care who did it and I don't mind you ladies and gentlemen playing with Echo, but do not paint his nails or put anything else on him that may hurt him. Echo came to me last night with his nails painted pink. Nail polish is not acceptable to put on a cat and this is your only warning. If it happens again you will be subject to disciplinary actions. Am I understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!" Came a chorus response.

"Good, you are all dismissed." Mu Qing strutted away, figuring that would be the end of the issue. It was dumb that he had to address it at all, but it seemed even in his own palace he couldn't escape the stupidity of others. At least that was the worst thing his palace got up to while he was gone. He sighed. Now it was time to head to a meeting of the upper court.

Mu Qing walked back to his palace with a pensive look on his face. He still hadn't come up with an excuse for being gone for a month and he had to avoid Ling Wen like the plague during the meeting. What could he possibly say? The villagers loved him so much that they wouldn't let him leave? That he got lost? That he ran into more trouble but didn't report it because he didn't think it was important? All terrible excuses. He was beginning to wish he had never went at all when loud mewing broke him out of his thought. Right there in front of the entrance to his palace was Echo throwing a fit, urging Mu Qing to hurry his ass up and come pet him already. Mu Qing's left eye twitched. This time his beloved cat was dressed up in a very feminine pink robe? Who the fuck puts clothes on a cat? Was his first thought, and why would they put girl clothes on a male cat? was his second. He walked over and picked up the mewling Echo, once again giving him an incredulouse look and asking "What are you wearing? Who did this to you?"

Mu Qing examined the outfit more closely. It HAD to have been one of his female officials, probably one that took care of his clothes. No man would dress a cat like this, and they had to have skill to sew such well fitting robes for a cat. He huffed and made his way to the laundry department with Echo in tow.

"Ladies, which one of you did this?" Mu Qing asked while holding out Echo for all to examine. Squeals sounded all around him.

"Aw, he looks so cute!"

"Little Echo thinks he's person, doesn't he!" The women fawned over Echo, but they all denied having any knowledge of who dressed him.

"He comes home with cute little outfits like this all of the time here lately!" One of the ladies told him. The lady smiled and squeezed Echo's paw. "You like these little outfits don't you Echo?"

"Mreow."

Mu Qing frowned. "You act like you're dying every time I try to brush you but you let some weirdo dress you up like a woman?" Echo and Mu Qing stared at each other until Mu Qing relinquished with a sigh. "Whatever, just spread the word that no one is allowed to dress my cat up like this. He is a cat, not a person, and certainly not a girl." He whipped around and accidentally almost hit one of the ladies with hair. He was going to take this stupid shit off, it was practically animal abuse.

The next evening Echo showed up wearing something strange again. Mu Qing was bathing when Echo walked his happy ass into the bathing room and sat down to stare at him. Mu Qing stared back. Upon Echo's neck was a beautiful pink pearl collar. Mu Qing furrowed his brows and frowned. This collar would take forever for any of his palace officials to afford and he strongly disapproved of them using their own money to buy HIS pet shit. Mu Qing reached his hands out of the tub towards Echo but he moved just out of reach and flicked his tail, as if to say don't touch me with your wet hands you are gross. Mu Qing rolled his eyes and leaned back into the tub. Whatever, I'll take it off later and try to find the owner tomorrow.

The next morning Mu Qing once again made an announcement to his palace. "Would the person who bought Echo a collar yesterday please come see me at your earliest convenience? You aren't in trouble." He tried to say as nice as possible. Really they weren't in trouble, but coming from poverty himself he just could not let others buy him or his pet expensive stuff like that when he has more than enough money to buy things like that himself. It was a flattering gesture, but doing good work for him was all he wanted. He looked out at the crowd with what he hoped was a friendly face but he didn't see any obvious suspects. Most either looked bored or looked around in confusion. That was alright. He had a long day of studying medical scrolls ahead of him, so he would be at the palace whenever whoever decided to step forward. He retreated to his private study, forcing Echo to keep him company so he wouldn't get anymore weird things put on him. Thus he sat there late into the night, with the only interruptions being Echo occasionally demanding attention and servants bringing him his meals. It wasn't until the dark night sky started to lighten that Mu Qing decided to call it a night. Apparently whoever was responsible wasn't in his palace after all. He trusted that they would've revealed themselves by now if they were. He neatly stacked away his scrolls and left for his room. He didn't want to wake Echo who was peacefully napping on his cat tree so he left the study door and his bedroom door cracked so Echo could join him whenever he felt like. He changed into his most comfortable pajamas and threw himself onto his bed, glaring up at his ceiling. It was one thing if it was someone from his own palace who kept on playing dress up with Echo but now he was sure that it was someone outside of his palace and that kind of pissed him off. Everyone knew that Echo was HIS cat, who would dare fuck with him like this? Probably that dumb Shi Qingxuan, he was always trying to get everyone to dress like a girl and knowing him he probably gave up trying to convince the other Heavenly Official's and decided to force his will upon whatever lesser creature he came across. Plus he was very generous with his merits, he probably would spend it on girly outfits for a cat. Mu Qing put both of his hands to his face and pulled them downwards to his chest. He couldn't be rude to Lord Wind Master, but he wanted it to stop. This had apparently been going on for over a month and now all of the other Heavenly Official's probably thought that he was a weird cat guy, which might be true but he still didn't want them to think that.

The next morning Mu Qing rose and got dressed early. He wasn't really sure when the Wind Master started his day but he was sure that his brother would be up this early at least. He grabbed the pink pearl collar and made his way to the Palace of Wind and Water, mulling over what he was going to say. An average looking lady in simple blue robes greeted him upon his arrival. "General Xuan Zhen, what a welcome surprise!" She greeted as she welcomed him in. "What does the Palace of Wind and Water owe this honor to?"

"I'm just here to speak with Lord Wind Master, if you could fetch him for me when he is available."

"Of course!" The servant set him up with snacks and a drink before disappearing off to find her master. Mu Qing took this time to look at his surroundings. Plainly put it was tacky. Pink and flowers covered everything, including the tea he was drinking. It was a nice looking porcelain tea cup, painted white with pink petals floating through the wind. Inside the tea was pink with red flower petals of some kind floating on top. It was a light, sweet drink. He kind of wished it was a simple strong black tea, but he did arrive without notice and he did say just bring him whatever, so here he was feeling like he was getting ready to have a tea party with a princess. Soon enough the Wind Master arrived with the Earth Master in tow, both in their female forms.

"Hi General Xuan Zhen!" The Wind Master waved at him cutely and gave him a big smile before sitting down across from him at the table. The Earth Master tried to sneak out of the room but the Wind Master wasn't having it. She jumped up and grabbed the Earth Earth Master by the waist and made her sit beside her at the table. "Ming Yi don't be unfriendly, say hi to General Xuan Zhen!"

Ming Yi turned her head away. "Why? He's your guest, not mine." After a bit more prodding from Shi Qingxuan Ming Yi finally gave Mu Qing something of a greeting. Mu Qing gritted his teeth but otherwise let it go.

"Sorry to bother you two so early in the morning. Was I interrupting something between you and Lord Earth Master? I can come back later if that is more convenient."

"You are no bother at all!" Shi Qingxuan beamed and started talking to Mu Qing as if they were friends even though they had probably never said more than a few sentences to each other the entire time he had been in heaven. "But anyways what brings you here today? I hardly ever get to see you!" She grinned widely.

"Well I came to return this." Mu Qing began awkwardly as he pulled the pink pearl collar out of his robes and handed it to Shi Qingxuan. "I'm afraid Echo is too much of a shithead to be worthy of such beautiful and generous gifts. I really appreciate the thought though!" Shi Qingxuan grabbed the collar but tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"This is the most beautiful collar I have ever seen! But I'm afraid it's not mine. I mean I didn't get it for Echo. Did you Ming Yi?" Shi Qingxuan turned to ask her with wide, innocent eyes. Mu Qing also turned to the Earth Master giving her kind of a weird look. He didn't think that the Earth Master was behind this, but who knew since he was the only Heavenly Official that would play dress up with the Wind Master.

Ming Yi gave them both an icy stare before speaking. "Why would I buy a cat something like that? If I was to gift General Xuan Zhen's cat anything it would be leftover fish bones or something that it would actually like, not prized jewels."

Mu Qing cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ah, my bad. I had assumed that only Lord Wind Master would have such good taste to purchase this. I really can't accept this gift though, do you have any idea who it may have belonged to?" The women both shrugged.

"Why don't you just keep it? Whoever got it obviously wanted Echo to have it and I think it would look really good with Echo's sunset outfit!" Shi Qingxuan offered. Mu Qing gave Shi Qingxuan a hard look. Sunset outfit? "You know, the one you put on him a couple of weeks ago? Everyone loved it. He looked so cute!" Shi Qingxuan squealed.

Mu Qing gaped. "I did not dress him up in anything! It's animal abuse to dress up a MALE cat in cutsey outfits!" Shi Qingxuan shrinked back a bit. Mu Qing mentally kicked himself. He was supposed to be nice right now. He hoped that he hadn't offended Lord Wind Master.

Ming Yi interjected. "He's a cat. If he didn't want to wear cutesy outfits no one would be able to force him to. It's not like anyone is hurting him."

Mu Qing gave Ming Yi an incredulous look. "So it was you?"

"No, but I don't see what the big deal is. Why do you care about this so much that you would come all the way over here just to accuse us of dressing up your stupid cat? If you don't like it then just stop letting him outside."

"My cat should be able to play outside without anyone fucking with him!" Shi Qingxuan shrunk farther back as their argument escalated. Before it came to punches being thrown she suddenly shoved the pink pearl collar back into Mu Qing's hands.

"Here's this collar back. I'm sorry that we couldn't be of more help but I promise that it wasn't either of us. It was probably one of the other female officials, maybe ask around in the communication array?" Before he knew it Mu Qing had been gently escorted to the door by Shi Qingxuan. "It was so nice getting to chat with you again General Xuan Zhen but I forgot that we are really busy today! We need to do our laundry and it's going to take forever. I'll talk to you later, ok!?" Shi Qingxuan smiled apologetically at Mu Qing before closing the door in his face. He stood there for a few seconds with an unamused look on his face. If she wanted him to leave she could've just said so.

[lordystrange]

Not trying to sound parasocial, make excuses, or take up for the bad things noah did but...

I personally think part of noah's problem is that he hangs out with a bad crowd who's a lot older than him and he seems to be quite an impressionable ppl pleaser who tries to fit in. I like to believe there's at least some good in ppl and I truly hope he makes an apology someday for liking those bad posts although it won't fix what he has already done. As for his insta post, i do feel a lot of ppl misinterpreted it, but then he went posting stuff to his insta story siding with Isreal. He may not want to see that what isreal is doing is bad and he may feel the need to defend them as a way of thinking that he's helping jews, but he's not.

A lot of ppl talk like they have no hope for him to learn, grow, and apologize, and while i am disappointed, i don't think it's bad to hold out hope. He's young and has time to do those things. Not trying to use that as an excuse because he IS old enough to know things and he already did what he did, but it is a fact that ppl tend to do dumb and hurtful things around his age, he just so happens to have a platform that makes things he says/does worse. I don't think noah is necessarily EVIL, i think he just needs to be careful when he speaks about certain subjects and needs to take a look at the things he's doing and look at who he's surrounding himself with. I also believe he has a lot of hurt rn and was reacting in a bad way because of it. I think its human to look for possible reasons to situations as big as this because we will probably never know the whole truth. He just has a lot of work cut out for him in the education department.

I think you nailed this.

This is a conflicting topic because on the other hand, it should be openly discussed but then again, we shouldn’t so much focus on this one person and instead focus on the actual situation in its cultural, societal, religious and political perspectives.

But this is very well said and most likely true. And what’s the point of canceling anyone if not showing them they need to change their behavior? That’s the attitude we should have, not harassing him and wanting him to lose everything and die.

If he does better in the future, I’ll forgive him. (But ofc I understand that forgiveness may be more difficult for people who are closer to all this.) And if nothing more happens, I will be watching ST5.

If you or anyone want to discuss more about this, my asks and dms are open 🙂

[askbensolo]

I kinda know a couple people looking around for a new place — one guy named Hux, kinda a nepo baby, a little stuck up, and your grandfathers miiiiight’ve worked together or something if I got my history right (maybe awkward…), but hey, you might get along super well!

Or hate each other, who knows. But hey, rent is rent

The other person is this super cool guy named Poe. Ridiculously chill dude, slightly flighty, but it sounds like he’d get along super well with your family (which might actually be a pro or a con, you decide)

Thanks for the leads, anon! I messaged both of ‘em two weeks ago and I’ve been asking them questions since.

The first guy said his name was Armitage (no idea how to pronounce that) and that he doesn’t know who “Hux” is. He’s 30 years old (emphasis on old) and works as a barista at the most basic coffee shop chain—you know, the one that has like 5,000 branches on every planet. He denied having any relatives in politics. Honestly he kind of seemed like a Centrist, so I didn’t feel like talking about it more.

One thing’s for sure, though. He is stuck-up (especially for someone who’s 30 years old, working at Spacebucks and currently living in a motel). I was messaging him to ask how long he planned to stay in Theed, whether he’s a morning or night person—you know, the normal things you ask?—and this snothead ignores me and goes, “What is this, an interrogation?”

To which I replied, “This is quite literally a roommate interview, bro.”

Poe seems way cooler than Armitage. He’s 26 and his parents fought in the Rebellion, like mine. He does seem chill, like you said. The only thing about Poe is that he insists his new astromech droid move in with him. Does this man have, oh, I don’t know…say, a starship? Nooo, he just has an astromech droid, by itself, for fun, I guess. He said he’s still saving up for a starship, but he fell in love with his astromech droid and had to have it first. He was talking about his droid’s “living preferences,” and how his droid is just a “baby” so it needs extra care and attention, and that just about drove me insane.

If he brings his droid, he better be paying a higher portion of the electricity bill, ‘cause that thing is gonna eat so much juice. It’s one of those new BB models. You know, the dumb-looking one that’s supposed to be all “postmodern” but just looks like a ball wearing a hat?

I don’t know. I’m kinda hoping I’ll find someone else besides these two. But if it comes down to it, I’m gonna have to pick one of ‘em. Armitage may be kind of a jerk, but at least he seems like he keeps to himself. Then again, Poe would be way easier to get along with…if he wasn’t such a delusional droid dad.

But…you’re right, anon. Rent is rent.

[liskantope]

More stream-of-consciousness musings related to the topic I was posting about yesterday. (I'm really really tired. This may not make tons of sense or hold together that well.)

Suppose that controversies over universal health care were to get focused on how unaffordable necessary surgeries are for too many people, and the whole thing became framed as a debate over whether or not people should have access to surgery. I wonder if then there would be a substantial number of activists walking around with stickers or signs saying "I <3 Surgery".

I bring up this hypothetical because it seems like such a motto would be an absurd choice, but actually I could kind of see why some people might proclaim it. This is hard for me to relate to, but some circumstances lead a person to be overjoyed about getting some kind of surgery, when it may save or vastly improve their life (I've seen this overjoyed reaction on My 600-lb Life for instance, and then there are trans folks who desperately want transition surgery, and so on), and that's a valid emotion to have without being obligated to carry along with it the baggage of wishing circumstances in the first place were different so they wouldn't need surgery. My own point of view is of someone who is a wimp about medical procedures in general, has never had any kind of major surgery, and finds the idea terrifying (both the procedure itself and the aftermath).

If we add to our hypothetical universe the supposition that there's an anti-surgery pushback by people who think getting surgery is wicked and evil (see Christian scientists maybe? and certainly some of the more extreme anti-trans types currently, about certain types of surgery?), then it would be even more understandable to want to proclaim "I <3 Surgery" to signal opposition. I still think it would be kind of a dumb, tasteless, and ineffective idea though.

Another hypothetical that occurred to me today is that someone on the left-wing side of fiscal issues, wanting to push back on Republican tax-cut and anti-benefits-programs policies, might go around with a sticker saying "I <3 Taxes". In fact, the hypothetical circumstance is perfectly real at least in the current US political environment, yet I've never run across an "I <3 Taxes" sticker. It seems unthinkably silly. And it's even the case that there's a certain subset of people to push back against, who think taxes are inherently a form of evil: the "Taxation is theft!" libertarians.

A variant on this, by the way, would be "I <3 Paying Taxes", which I think is already kind of implied by "I <3 Taxes", or at least that's how many people would understand it. But I think this variant illustrates my point (to the extent that I have one) even more clearly. Because nobody, unless they're trying to be really edgy or advertise themself as both wealthy and super generous, truly expects anyone to believe that they enjoy paying taxes. (I distinctly remember then-Senator Obama mentioning that he hated paying taxes in order to make a point in his third debate against McCain in 2008!) And it seems kind of insensitive to those who aren't rich but do have to pay some substantial taxes and feel financially limited by it, even if said people are Democrats who happen to favor those taxes.

Either way, it just seems like something that you wouldn't see, which is perhaps why I feel so taken aback by how many people are happy to go around saying "I <3 Abortions". (Counterargument: perhaps we would see "I <3 Taxes" if only the political Overton window didn't restrict most of us to the view that taxes are generally bad except possibly when forced on the rich: note that certain left-wing types, most notably AOC, are willing to go walk around proclaiming "Tax the rich!". I'm still not super supportive of this tactic, but it makes a lot more sense to me than "I <3 Taxes" would.)

[baelpenrose]

Nihilus Rex 27: Mind Games

Nils and Lash have some nice, healthy communication. Also, more jokes about mind games and preparation to deal with their enemy, rival and possible ally. As a behind the scenes note, yes, Ottendorf, Altendorf, and Altdorf are all real variants of the same type of cipher, and me and @canyouhearthelight arguing about which one was most in character to use was actually part of the gag that just went into this chapter. Sometimes it's fun writing hopelessly OP characters where we just get to nod obliquely at all the shit our nerdy asses have picked up over the years.

You better be careful what you do

I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes

If they ever found you out

You better be careful what you say

It never really added up anyway

I got friends in this town

Miranda Lambert, “White Liar” 

Nils

Class was boring - I mean, it would have been interesting, especially the political debate that came inherent in the macroeconomic discussion of regulation - but frankly with everything else going on and the plans Lash and I were hatching it felt almost beneath notice. Like a waste of time before we got to the real action.

Our weeb friend was a smarmy son of a bitch, I had to give him that, and trying to trace him took work -  one of the other reasons that I was just as happy to use the challenge and draw him to us. If it worked, it let us keep flying under the radar and gave us a layer of plausible deniability, and if worst came to worst it handed us a convenient option for another patsy if he proved less than tractable.  Lash and I would have to be careful in our eventual conversation with him in how we phrased everything to make sure statements could be read to assume that he was pissed that we were taking credit for his ideas to set it up properly, but it could be done with good planning. Recruit if we could, cash out the option to get the Feds off our backs if we couldn’t - because we were going to need to deal with the fibbie at some point either way.

I shared the thought with Lash to get her thoughts, and see if we could begin establishing how we wanted to lay in that contingency. “Hey, so it occurs to me, if we can’t recruit this guy, we may want to have some kind of setup to feed him to the feds when we encounter him, let them think we were just doing some dumb, edgy marketing for our totally-legal activism and the actual ‘economic terrorist’ got pissed at us for trying to take the credit. If we can’t get him on our side, better not to have him in the way, right?” 

She looked thoughtful for a moment - or more accurately, like she was plotting - before asking slowly, “How likely would we be to frame him for some of the shit we’ve done? Even just stuff we did before we met?”

“I’d have to look at his profile a little more closely, but bear in mind that the hack itself doesn’t really match the profile of either of our usual patterns, and nothing we did before that rises to the level where the federal government cares enough to pay attention.” 

“I took money from Microsoft and donated it to charity,” she pointed out. “Repeatedly.  That would definitely land on the news, at least.”

“Right,” I said, taking a breath, trying to steady myself, “and let’s not get into my thefts from social media and various databombings on their harvested userdata, BUT that followed a very different profile than the bank job, which is what we knew drew their attention - they’re looking for the people who’d run the bank job, not people who are little more than thieving horseflies buzzing around the heads of corporate titans and taking a few drops here and there that said corporations never notice enough to report.” It was an unpleasant truth - we’d stolen probably tens of thousands between us, but not all at once, and in increments that the corporations we’d robbed could lose to rounding error. 

“Hey, you said you wanted him fed to the Fed, not to go down for the loans,” she shrugged. “Wire fraud across state lines is still FBI-worthy.  Not to mention that many counts.” Lash started silently ticking off on her fingers before staring at them and nodding. “Yeah, plenty of counts, for sure.”

“Fair. I’m worried they’re looking for the bank robbers and we have someone we can give them as a patsy. So when we meet with him, let’s feel him out and make sure any statements we have are set up so they can be misread as him trying to find out if we’re stealing credit for his work, yeah?” 

“Can do.” She snapped off a sarcastic salute before grabbing my elbow and semi-forcing me to slow down. “Either way, our ‘viral marketing campaign’ is ready to go as soon as you set up the location for the final clue.  So, make sure your sandbox is as secure as possible so we don’t get any bugs in there.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll have it ready in an hour. Want me to order some pizza while I do it?”  I had an extra tab open while I was getting the proxy networks set up and sketching out the ciphers for the clues.

“One meat lovers, one spinach and bacon, coming up,” she agreed, pulling out her phone. “Don’t forget to write down the address for me once it’s ready so I can translate it a couple times and hide it in the last clue.”

“Yeah, babe, I know, we’ve been picking at this for a minute.” I said, softly smiling. I wondered if she knew she talked to me the way her mom talked to her dad. I had almost finished the third cipher we were going to be doing it with. “Think three will be enough, or should we do four? At five it feels obnoxious, but if he wasn’t too paranoid to be hooked with fewer than three, he’d be a piece, not a player.” 

“Forty five minutes until food,” Lash announced before looking up. “I’m going to translate it at least twice - once to hex and once to… I dunno, a sound frequency maybe? So four should be fine on your end for the ciphers.”

“You got it. Altdorf code it is.” 

“Altendorf,” she corrected, scrunching her face at what she thought was a deliberate mistake on my part.

“Nope. Altdorf. Right wing computer nut, probably also a gamer. Altdorf code is a memetic variant on the classic Altendorf book cipher, named for a thing in a game franchise popular with that crowd.” I replied, smirking. Dating a girl who knew as much cryptography as I did was a blast, but it was occasionally fun to flex on each other. Loved it when she caught me out, as she often did, but it was sometimes fun to catch her off too. 

“Freaking nerd,” she half-mumbled, knowing good and well I would hear her. “But if it works, it works.  Provided he figures out all the clues I’m laying out.”

“And then we put all this effort into this to show off for each other for nothing…” I muttered, watching her work over what she did as I finished up selecting a handful of games, books, and comics to cipher off of, with arc numbers for each and internally contained clues within the cipher to hint at what the target should be using for the Altdorf code. Nonsensical to anyone who didn’t understand it, but comprehensible to anyone who did - if you understood the rest of the cyphers it was under, of course. 

“Ew, eyewatering,” she grunted before adjusting something. It must have worked, because she was able to actually look at the screen when she was done. “And now for the clouds…”

“Those clouds look awful.” I said, idly thinking out loud. “Really bloated, data-wise.” 

“That would be because they are compressed audio tracks,” she confirmed. “Which, when unzipped and played, give the hex code.  But yeah, they’re ugly, aren’t they?” The door buzzed and she looked at her phone. “Pizza’s here.”

“Ah.” I stood up and got the pizza, tipping the guy. After he left I turned back to Lash. “So, now we wait. Trap is baited and set with a challenge for a new ally or an enemy we can get rid of quickly. Speaking of the question as to what we do if he is a new ally: thoughts on how we get rid of the fed? She’s poking around the white supremacist scene, and stirring them up harder might lead to more of them poking around if she gets shot.” 

Lash rubbed her face before getting up to get plates. “My first instinct is to lay low and monitor.  Right now, there’s no actual evidence tying us to the situation, so monitoring would be the most conservative and safest call in the immediate future.  And it gives us time to plan something in the event we do need to intervene.”

I nodded as I poured drinks for both of us. “Yeah. Fair point. Give him about two days, then we’ll meet him together. Two options, either he thinks the whole made up names thing is actually bullshit, in which case he’ll want to meet both of the people he’s working with and we can establish a triumvirate, or he thinks it’s for real and is playing like he thinks it's dumb, then he’ll want to meet with the heads of both groups, which means we’ll need you there to rep one of them. What angles we play depends on what angle he hits us with.” I was still thinking about the way we could feel that out while also maintaining the option to sacrifice him and dispose of him to the feds if he wasn’t amicable to a team up, but honestly that was mostly just a matter of careful phrasing. 

“If it comes to that, as long as I am repping the Icono-whatsits, I’m good.”

“No, I thought we’d have the brown, anarchic immigrant’s daughter represent the carefully crafted illusion of the violently traditionalist ones who want to restore ‘traditional values’ because that would totally make the con hold up. Tell you what, when we take it global, and we have to do this in India, THEN we swap roles and you have to play a Hindutava nationalist and pretend to be a Disciple chick. For today, the heel role is mine.” 

She set her plate down with a loud clatter, glaring at me as she stood up. “And on that completely uncalled-for note, I think I need to head home for a few days.  Let me know if he gets in contact, and we’ll go from there.”

I sighed, realizing what I’d done wrong, then felt a surprising flash of irritation - at her, at myself, at the fact that every time we started getting closer I said something obnoxious and that we never just got a few weeks without some shit happening. “You know what? Yeah. I’m sorry. That was unnecessarily rude. If you want to go home, I get it, but please eat first, or at least take some pizza with you. I shouldn’t have been that much of an asshole - I’ve been jittery since the Fed showed up, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Know you can’t pass yourself off as a white supremacist, I mostly wanted to joke around about the fact that as this goes global, we may have to practice swapping roles for other countries. That’s all.” 

Lash took a deep breath and picked up one of the pizza boxes. “I know it will eventually be necessary for me to be the bad guy, but seriously. What part of this,” she waved a hand over herself, stopping to gesture emphatically at her face, “in any way says I won’t just blow our entire ass cover if I try to be a white supremacist? It’s not like I’m shirking work or something.”  The free hand shoved her hair back and she exhaled. “I think we just need a couple days to get actual sleep and calm down.”

“You aren’t shirking work, I know.” I said, trying to take a breath. “I’ve just been…I’ve been constantly trying to figure out every possible angle we can take this from, because I want to keep us out of trouble and keep the feds away, keep this prick away from your family, keep everything under control. I said something sarcastic that I thought was funny because yeah, obviously this,” I gestured at her, “was not going to be playing the white supremacist, this,” I gestured at my own face, “was. And I wasn’t looking forward to it. And it isn’t your fault I’ve been obsessively plotting, I haven’t been telling you all of it, but it’s been all of the babbling about contingencies I’ve been doing since the fed arrived. Because I’ve been afraid. And I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” True, but I did also want her to see my perspective of how much effort I was putting into this whole thing.  “And if you need me to give you a ride home tonight, I will, but seriously take a pizza. Because it’s too late for you to be walking home.” 

The pizza box in her hand dropped back to the table and she growled in frustration. “UGH! And all the shit with Uber and taxis lately…” She fell back into what had become her seat on the couch. “Fine. But I’m sleeping out here. In clothes, so don’t get any ideas, buster.”

“We didn’t have time to go mattress topper shopping, so you’ll probably sleep better, and I’m insisting on plenty of blankets. And you’re eating your share of pizza.” I shrugged. “And even my Catholic ass won’t feel guilty about you being too damn stubborn to take a ride I’m offering.” 

“No ride. I refuse to owe you,” she spat before biting viciously into a slice of pizza, shoving half of it into her mouth without a trace of grace.

“And thus, couch, blankets, and coping aplenty.” I said, sitting down. “You okay, Lash?”

“I am sleep deprived, stressed about the apartment being ready when my parents are discharged next week despite knowing that Mori has had it ready since the day after she got here, and I’m mad at you for being a jerk.”

“Mori took care of the apartment, you know it, you know you know it. You’re going to sleep better tonight, and I’m sorry for being a dick.” I said, coaxingly. “Things are going to be alright. Let’s eat, brush our teeth, then we can rack out, okay?” 

“Fine,” she muttered, demolishing another slice of pizza.

I wasn’t certain what it said about my life - or life, in general - that “relationship issues” were causing me slightly more confusion and headaches than “FBI investigation” and “rival terrorist” combined. It definitely said something, but I wasn’t entirely certain what. Maybe it was a me problem. Maybe if I wasn’t dating someone who would do terrorism with me I wouldn’t have this problem.

But then it wouldn’t be worth it. 

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Oh, the Lure of Emily

I've been withdrawing.

Not for all that long, I don't think, but social media goes so fast, so that means letting a lot of opportunities to be "social" disappear into the ether. I shouldn't. I need to practice connecting with people and it used to be so much easier for me to do that on the internet, but I really hate just about everything about it now. It's hard to put what I mean into words fast enough, and it seems like that's hard for a lot of people, but we're doing it anyway. That's a lot of what I don't like interacting IRL, and it's here now. I haven't found a place that's not like that.

I entered into this level of interaction at the behest of a soulless corporation that doesn't care about any of us (clearly) and I'm being asked to pay more than I wanted to give (ex. curate an ever-lengthening feed of more people who want to be seen, help train AIs who'll render me and others invisible, accept a certain amount of increasingly heinous ideas with no pushback to be polite/for my own mental health/to keep my interaction from being nothing but that stuff), in return for much less than what I wanted to get. Mainly, it's so strangers can click a button that says they "like" something I did, and never interact with me, or any other aspect of me, ever again.

It's like that on my site, too, except I disabled the "like" and comment functions out of frustration. The interface became unsustainable and It's mainly bots using it. I've improved my ratio of "recorded clicks that were probably a human being" vs. "probably a webcrawler or spambot" for the privilege of seeing how few people are interested.

And social media isn't helping. I mean, why would it? It's getting all it wants out of me on spec, and it does not have to deliver visibility. It never did. That was always something I needed to "earn." It just seemed to be easier to do that in Web 1.0. I had a message board, once. It survived a move from one dying host to another (which, I think, is also dead now - everyone's on Discord) and I picked up enough people to write and have fun, with very few jerks I needed to ban, and no bots. Wow. If someone was being a total bastard, they were made of meat and I could yell at them and register an objection like a person. Does anyone out there remember that?

A big part of me wants to be a postmodern Emily Dickenson. You can have my work after I'm dead, if you want it. I'll "publish" by printing it out and putting it in a box. Even the fanfic stuff. Interacting with fandoms hardly seems worth it for me, they've got their own issues. And, as for social, you may have one garden party a year, and maybe I'll exchange emails with one guy who says "this stuff is good". We live small enough, and we're doing well enough, that I could probably hide and keep making art uncompensated. Unless something happened, and then I'd probably wind up on the street or in an institution of some kind. Not the nice kind.

And, as much as you [as in, anyone who trips over this] would protest the loss of me to my face - out of some feeling of human solidarity or philosophical devotion - were I to vanish, it wouldn't matter where. You'd get used to not seeing me. You'd read something else. Maybe I'd be happier, maybe I wouldn't, but that wouldn't involve you, so you'd move on.

That big, dumb jerk Nietzsche (who was, at least, made of meat) posited that Sisyphus must be happy, because he knows he's doing what he's supposed to and what's going to happen next, forever. But, really, the only thing you'd have to do is say to him, "Every time you put one iota of effort into pushing this rock, there's a small chance it'll take off and fly. If you're really doing your job, it will, it's just a matter of time!" And then it doesn't. Not just for his whole life, for eternity.

I'm not being punished for cheating death. I'm being punished for cheating corporations - not even cheating them all that much, I don't think, but it's enough. I don't look profitable, because that wasn't why I started pushing this rock. I wanted to make a difference. I'd like enough money to live and keep creating, and to pay some people to help me, but all that's just some boxes to tick on the way to making a difference. And I can't tick those boxes for a corporation or for myself.

The only thing that's gotten me attention is when someone bigger than me gives me a namecheck. I could just keep begging creators I love to do that, but a lot of people do that, and I don't think creators like it. They didn't ask for that responsibility. They don't have time to vet every person and see if their work is actually good or just AI generated garbage. Or delusional garbage from someone who thinks they can create, but can't, really. I'm losing the confidence to keep begging people to understand that I'm not delusional. Maybe I am, ya know? That would explain my situation too.

At least, if I kept it all to myself, I'd be dead when someone found my boxes and boxes of papers and chose an excerpt for their treatise on hypergraphia in freaky recluses.

Thoreau got it twisted. People make pretty baskets so someone will use them. If it has no use, it's neither a basket nor an art object. Someone has to pick it up and use it for it to be either of those things, and hopefully both. I use my baskets. I think other people could, but I know I use them. It would be a lot easier for me to do that if I didn't keep leaving them outside when I've finished weaving and hoping someone will pick them up.

But, I typed this into a window on Tumblr, so it's going outside with the rest. As will the others, for the time being. My words will probably be used to train an AI, and already have been. Yours too. Self-determination is reserved for the Emilies. I do want it, but...

Not enough to give up this painful hope that a rock might fly.