#he made things sm easier so <3 love u bro

[mintypsii]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS 😋😋😋😋 gift for @/faffareux on twitter for this year's sanuso secret santa gift exchange :3 had sm fun with this prompt hehe

[aurorialwolf]

SO! Next installment of my series of posts detailing the ocs I made up for the next gen of redacted characters (aka the kids of redacted characters) At the time of writing this, the dynamic of Samuel Jr. and Adrian is winning on the poll I posted! Samuel Jr. is the kid of Sam & Darlin in my AU-ish thing, and Adrian is the son of Alexis Getty! Link to my in-detail info dump about Samuel: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorialwolf/757447421698654208/yall-ever-heard-of-epigenetics-okay-mildly?source=share Cutoff so that it doesnt make a super long post on ppls dashes

For starters, I am going to write out what I think needs to be known about Adrian for all this to hit home properly, I may make a longer post about him if I feel this doesn't cover it but thats for later - Full name: Adrian Getty - Ranking in the House: Duke - Son of Alexis Getty, he is the result of a fling between her and a man from another clan (this makes him literally an official bastard) - He vehemently dislikes his mother, as they have a very unhealthy relationship, considering how, like Samuel, he was turned by his own blood (except fully), and therefore, Alexis counts as his maker, and invokes him as a disciplinary measure. William has not stopped this, because he is unaware. - I have anon asks off so if u really love Alexis im sorry but u cant yell at me for this - He is a guard for Emily Solaire, daughter of William Solaire, mostly as a formality, and to give him a purpose within the clan. Now! Onto the actual dynamic Imagine that your child, and your ex's child, meet each other, and decide to continue your feud. That's how it feels for poor ol' Sam. Samuel and Adrian hate each other. Sort of. Adrian hates Samuel, but Samuel thinks it's really funny.

- They take turns provoking each other, and end up trying to beat each other up.. in front of multiple vampiric nobles.. not a great look for their parents - It's kind of gay? hear me out- - Samuel flirts a lot with Adrian, provoking him into sparring - Adrian is like.. definitely gay but has majorly repressed it, bro is in denial (mainly bc he assumes Alexis won't accept him, and will just harm him further for it :(( ) - Samuel is trying to help him? Probably. but also who wouldn't want to provoke their attractive vampire rival - Ok but he really is trying to help - After a while of meeting up at events, they finally hang around outside of official vampire territory, and mostly just spar, but sometimes talk! like normal folks - One day, after Samuel undergoes some p r e t t y b a d t r a u m a, he's all bandaged up, and Adrian shows up to spar, but decides to leave him to rest, despite Samuel's protests that he's still capable - At their next match, he goes way easier on Samuel, which leads Samuel to question him, saying that he's recovered now - Turns out, seeing him injured made Adrian realize he actually does care about Samuel's wellbeing, and they agree to a truce, deciding to not fight literally every time they see each other - They become friends! And they confide in each other about their problems, creating a really strong bond - They still definitely enjoy fighting though, since they are at about an equal level, making it a fun challenge - Before they became friends, whenever Samuel would show up somewhere (at like a Solaire event or sm) with Vivienne after they'd gotten some kind of treat (slushie etc) Samuel would bring him a lemon snack, and lemon is Adrian's favourite flavour :3 obviously Adrian pretends to be pissed off but he really does appreciate it Now how do their parents feel? Alexis hates everything about them hanging around each other. She repeatedly invokes Adrian to stay away from him and push him away, but Samuel finds a way around the invokation, using their blood bond (yes theyre blood bonded ooooh) to skirt around it Sam? He's kind of unsure at first, and doesn't really trust Adrian, but he warms up to it, and supports Adrian whenever he comes to their house for help or just to hang around. He makes Samuel and Adrian hot cocoa when it's cold out :3 and he's happy that his son is helping Adrian out, even if they had initially been fighting because of their parents' feud. Also both of them do notttt like the fact that their kids flirt given their previous relationship and how it ended,, Sam is worried it'll spiral into a similarly toxic situation and it just pisses Alexis off So yeah :3 Samuel and Adrian are actually really close, but it takes a couple years for them to get that way This really does sound like some rivals to lovers stuff huh hfgjksdhgks Taglist: @vegafan69 @darlin-collins @kxemii @professionallyyappin @sereh624

[fizzywashere87]

:(

@serendipitous-girl i remember when i first met you on here and we started talking about rottmnt and generally getting to know each other

and we made lil scenarios

and you were so kind and friendly to me and i was so excited to talk to you because you were the first online friend that i had made :(

and i remember when some weirdo dmed u saying 'i like your blog' and then they asked how old u were and then u told them you were a minor then we tried to find the blog and it was nowhere to be found:

"i like ur blog" *deletes bc ur a minor*

and remember when

and remember when we face revealed to each other and we were like omgomg ur so pretty and just like LUIYTRDHCGFVJFTGH

and remember when we manifested that u got discord so it would be easier to text and i would have to keep logging back onto tumblr

and remember when we made the blog and tried to troll our moots on it :(((

@fashionablysouly i remember when lori told me i should text u and that ur super cool and i said the only reason i didnt is bc i was too scared (i thought u didn't like me LMAO) but then i did it like a minute later

and you replied pretty quick

and you were like HIIIII

and i was like :DDDD

and we texted sm and abt rise donnie and i loved talking to you

i thought you were so so so so sweet

and then i got ur discord

and then i yapped more aboyt rise donnie ( i was so scared u wanted me to stfu but werent telling me)

AND REMEMBER WHEN WE STAYED UP TILL 4AM TALKING AND WE FACE REVEALED TO EACH OTHER

MY JAW DROPPED IN SHOCK BC OF HOW GORGEOUS YOU WERE AND YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY WHEN U TOLD ME U WANTED TO EAT ME

i was like THIS GORGEOUS GIRL THINKS IM PRETTY

and i had excited hand flaps or whatever tf

and then remember when i suggested i make a gc with lori so we could be bsfs and The Trio™

and then u had to do it bc i didnt know how

and then we all started chatting

@serendipitous-girl @fashionablysouly remember when the gc was made and we IMMEDIATELY all clicked like it was meant to happen

and we had the most fun time ever talking

and remember whenn i went through my breakup and you guys were telling me he aint shit and that i will be okay

(i was :D)

and i remember when the first thing i did when i came home from school was text you guys and we would text until late at night

and

and

the autism jokes :((((

remember when we would all three of us rant to each other and we would get hype with each other

and remember when u and lori got mad at each other and i was trying to fix it

i was littttt himothy

i like listening to the music i listened to at this time bc i was rlly happy and i always remember the feeling i had when i would text u guys

and @fashionablysouly remember when i tried your math work and i understood it

i felt so proud of myself bro

@serendipitous-girl i could NOT do urs tho LOL

and remember when we made ocs with each other and we made up the whole ass backstory

and remember when lori started her server and we became staff

i felt so himothy

remember when i was paranoid asf (lowk still am) but i was hella spiralling and u guys were like mf chill but liie <3

and remember when i made fun of u guys for sleeping so early

and remember when we got into beef with some people and we lit thought we ate

that shit was so entertaining i was cackling

i also remember actually laughing at ur guys' text msgs

like thats actually so hard to do

but u guys would actually make me laugh

istg i thought we were all platonic soulmates

i loved the racist jokes we made (towards each other)

i remember when lori almost stopped being friends with us and we didnt text her for two days until we couldnt take it anymore and then i literally ate and brought us back together

shit was so romantic omg

*literally combusstsss a nuttt*

pause

anyways

remember when lori started the mha roleplay and the server and then we got into hella beef and we started cooking like fr

that server was so fun

guys remember when i got into my fitness arc and i started lifting heavy ahh weights like i was himothy

my winter arc is coming up dont even fret

OMG GUYS

remember when souly was talking to one of her friends and then he started hinting that he wanted her so she took ten steps back LMAPAOAOA

and remember everytime souly mentioned a guy i would be like send that mf my way

and then i would crashout bc u guys always said no

and remember when we used to rate each others booties

and remember when we used to tmi

and remeber the tmnt OMG THE TMNTTTT

theres sm more that will come back to me but this was my peak 2024 :(

we didnt even make it to my birthday :(

ily guys sm and im gonna miss our gc and our servers and our tmi

i miss it sm :(

[sungbeam]

Okay i'm sorry this took me so long to get back to- but omg- incantations was so good!!! I love that every dino bias is just !!! over this too! (would have bawled my eyes out worse if it was jun tbh but god you captured dino so well 😭😭))- God I love reading your fics- it's like a little treat after hardwork!! That murder line is just still 🫠🤭 it's so good- I loveddddd the catalyst chapter sm!! And I loved how each thing was slowly solved- sure there are things that are more up in the air- but it was like connecting puzzle pieces and I loved it sm!!! And god you made such a good balance between info & immersion- I think platonic friendships are vv undervalued and underutilized- a good friend group could bring sm more value!! I love that you included it here too!! A sequel would be everything! But that is totally up to you!! You don't have to- but like god that would be cool to read about- ohhhh indigo was so cool! I loved that Juyo is just so oblivious 🤭🥺 he prolly would take forever to catch on- and it's so cute to think about- this fic made me crave matcha btw- need to get me some soon... bhebhea- I'm so glad you have a thought-out character of Indigo!! That's so good! Dino is a tragedy 😭💔💔 I guess it could be a little rushed- but it felt fine!! I may have wished for more but I did realize you were under time constraint! And I was happy with it!! Even if I bawled to it 😭🫶 I feel like it may break dino's sister sm- bc her bro did everything he could for her- and yet he's gone now 😭💔 oh gosh- You writing is always so compelling!! It's so good! Aw heck yeah!!! Aunt jenna!!! I like her as a mentor figure sm! And I love their little family sm!! You're so good at character building and developing!! You continuing to improve them just leaves me more and more speechless 🫠😭🫶

HOW DID HE DO THIS TO US- 😭😭😭 WE ARE JUMPING OFF THE DEEP END- (I fear... we may be too far gone... as long as we don't purchase it- we'll be okay!!) Heheh it was so fun to read, reblog, and talk about this fic!! cause my username here is from an icecream place? maybe an icecream cone or a snowman? up to you honestly- I'm fine with wtv 🙂‍↕️ (is there anyone in particular you'd like? 👀)

KATE HIHI!! and dw abt it, def take ur time replying and stuff! omggg ur jun biased?? i've been so ksbfkdjfj over him lately cuz of the pics from his new drama UGH 😩 like WHAT is in the svt air lately (there's always something in the air) but tbh jun would make an interesting villain bahahha ... things to think abt ^^

im so glad u enjoy my fics and think of them as a little treat for urself!! :')) i hope they always feel as indulgent to u as they make me feel 😌 for sure, im glad u liked how things slowly came to light and u also don't mind that some things r still left untied for the time being 😅 i have answers to everything tho, trust!! but what matters is that it feels cohesive and immersive as you've said!!

i feel that i lately have been more interested in platonic relationships than romantic ones but it's always so hard to find those kinds of aus on tumblr 💔 OMG PLS UR ACTUALLY RIGHT THO WITH JUYO 😭 i feel so bad for low-key always making him himbro-coded/baby boy-esque but that's just how he vibes in my head 😭 heart of gold,, but sometimes misses the plot skfnkenfkfnf which is why his witch gf adores him 😆 speaking of indigo tho, i kind of based her off an irl friend of mine who biases juyo and it made it easier to make her character in my head skcnkrnf idk if people ever find it weird if authors/writers base their characters off real life people 💀 she'll never know tho heh

omg ur so right as long as we don't buy a chucky doll we'll be in the safe zone 😭😭 the bar is LOW.....

and ooh!! i shall grant thee 🍨!! the snowmen emojis were also super cute but i thought the pink of this one matched your blog a little better :')) (at least it's pink on my samsung 💀) as for me, i don't really have a preference for emojis, just wtv u vibe w best!! <3

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[kissagii]

hihihi!!! ive been waiting so long to be able to request for a matchup omg! mha please <33

someone once matched me up with hinata shoyo but i think i kin him more than simp for him, like i have made loads of friends from sports like basketball, volleyball and soccer. just built dif ig.

im a enfp and a taurus lol. i use they/she and im polysexual but i just say im bi, i am also probably on the aromantic spectrum (cupiromantic) but im tryna ignore it lol. i get described as childish and a but airheaded but i swear im not!! im like karen smith on the outside and regina george on the inside!! i also deeply kin nene yashiro from tbhk, chuuya nakahara from bsd, and bakugou katsuki from mha lmao.

i like music and obsess over a new artist every month, its taylor swift rn last time it was maneskin, then artic monkeys and then mitski. gota thing for Ms i guess. at school im a art kid too lol, i have to design flyers for a charity too. i love hot summer nights when u can just play with a ball in shorts and a tee shirt omg. i love gravity falls too!! and the owl house!! and amphibia omg, i could go on and on!! basically disney plus animations>>

i have a tendency to love characters like q from bungo stray dogs, like the cynical typa kids that are antagonists and cry a bunch get my heart sobbing.

i hate mfs that don’t respect personal space sm!! like bro get ur goofy ah hands away!! i only like it when my friends hug me but i still prefer talking or like having a arm rapped around each other. speaking of that, i play fight w my friends sm. i think i accidentally gave one a bruise from kicking him and we created the term, “a bruise for a bruise”.

i also hate guys who speak for no reason, like do not get the memo. theres a guy in my year who had to go to the hospital cuz he got hit w a cricket bat and was bleeding like shit and some eleven looking ah in my class makes some joke aboyt like omg stfu!!! im realising im talking to much so i think i just gonna send this in. tell me if u need more please!!

thank you so so so much!! i used to do matchups and it was hard work so kudos to you (idfk what a kudos is)!! have a lovely day/night!! *plays outtro”

you're welcome <3 my matchup method makes it a little easier though, so it's not all that hard of work haha

i match you with...

𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝕖𝕚𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕠

[trendingnewsb]

6 Millennial Fads That Are Way Older Than You Think

There are a few things almost everyone agrees on: Water is wet, babies are cute, and Millennials are the worst generation humanity has ever created. There isn’t a thing they like, from selfies to avocado toast, that hasn’t become a sign that their inventions and fads are ruining the very fabric of society. But guess what? Half of the “Millennial” trends your grandpa complains about are actually even older than he is. For example …

6

“Sexting” Has Been Around Since The Renaissance

It’s unsurprising that the invention of a device that is capable of both taking pictures and sending those pictures to another human being was followed immediately by the invention of the practice of sending people photos of your own sex bits — or as people much cooler than we are call it, “sexting.” But the idea of “sending nudes” in order to make someone horny for you is much older than camera phones. Hell, it’s older than cameras.

Nell GwynThis was accompanied by a smaller painting of eggplant and peach emojis.

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5 Major Scare Campaigns Based On Less Than Nothing

Take this 17th-century portrait of a lady preparing food while a black servant gives her an expression that seems to ask “Why are your boobs out?” The woman in the picture is Nell Gwyn, comedic actress and mistress to English King Charles II, who sent this lusty portrait to her lover sometime during their 16-year affair. The very suggestive piece shows a virginal white Gwyn flash ample cleavage while “stuffing sausages,” which we’ll assume was the Renaissance equivalent of sending the eggplant emoji. The original picture, made by a wisely anonymous painter in the late 17th century, is only a little larger than a postcard — not big enough to hang on a wall, but probably just about the right size to carry around in a king-sized pocket and show to his ducal bros.

Flash-forward to 1828, and this self-portrait by Boston painter Sarah Goodridge might be the first sext selfie. And unlike Gwyn, Goodridge knew there was a quicker way into a man’s unmentionables than some subtle iconography:

Sarah GoodridgePerhaps the slightest bit less coy than the last example.

She sent this as a gift to none other than U.S. senator Daniel Webster. It’s a miniature painting, measuring around 2×3 inches, which was popular at the time. Pretty useless for display, but handy for, say, keeping it hidden from your wife. Webster and Goodridge insisted they were only close friends, and historians have found no evidence they were doing the wild thing. Except, of course, for exhibit Double D.

Naturally, when cameras came along, sexting became a lot easier. The media already knew about the trend as early as 1860, warning ladies against the improper behavior of “giving daguerreotypes of themselves to young men who are merely acquaintances.”

New York LedgerYou can almost hear #KnowYourWorth quietly echoing back through history.

And during the early 1900s, it was common for women to send racy pictures of themselves to their husbands on the battlefield to show them what was waiting at home (a very blurry half-dressed woman). There are plenty of attics everywhere that might contain such saucy pictures in a dusty box, claims English Professor Joshua Adair — a fact that he likes to illustrate to his horrified students by showing them a photo he found of his pantsless grandmother.

Joshua AdairLearning about family history is fun until you reach the truth: Your grandparents boned. Hard.

5

People Were Using Selfie Sticks In The 1920s

Selfies might be the worst thing Millennials have embraced with outstretched arms, apart from Nazism. But until recently, selfies had been an awkward thing to pull off, holding the camera as far away as possible while as your trembling hand tries to frame all of your friends’ duckfaces. In came the selfie stick, still the most divisive popular invention of our time. Some people love them, other people love that they cause users to sometimes walk onto train tracks. But for all the crap oldies give kids about their selfie sticks, they’ve been around for almost a century.

Of course, selfies themselves started around five minutes after the camera was invented. But surely, selfie sticks had to wait until cameras got tiny or people’s biceps got massive, right? That’s why the selfie stick only officially dates back to around 2005. But when BBC News mentioned this in a column recently, it prompted one reader, Alan Cleaver, to send them this photo of his grandparents from 1925:

Alan CleaverThis filter sucks. Try Dust Bowl.

The dashing gentleman in the pictograph is Arnold Hogg, simultaneously using the earliest known selfie stick and conveniently providing photographic evidence of it. Unfortunately, the context of this image has been lost to time, but if you look at the picture, it’s quite obvious that that’s the face of a guy who just invented the selfie stick, while the expression on his wife’s face is definitely that of a woman who just realized she married the inventor of the selfie stick.

4

Text Speak Dates Back To The Telegraph Era

We’re always hearing about how SMS, Twitter, and other quick messaging platforms are destroying the English language by converting it into a bunch of shorthand gibberish. Not like in the old days, naturally, when people wrote out all of their correspondence in full with a quill pen. But now, with their abbreviations and emoticons, Millennials are all hammering out 140-character screeds that look like a shitty Rosetta Stone translating bad English to Pac-Man hieroglyphs.

And that’s probably the same complaint that people had when everyone started doing it back in the 1870s.

Back before the telephone, there was the telegraph, which you might liken to an early form of SMS. You’d write a short message and pay your local operator to tap it out in Morse code to your chosen recipient. But telegraphy was expensive, and it charged by the letter, meaning eloquence could easily cost you an entire week’s salary in the nickel mines. As a penny-pinching response, people derived a shorthand language that looks remarkably similar to the kind of text speak that Baby Boomers complain about today, as you can see from this 1901 textbook:

Google Books

In fact, a lot of accursed Millennial speak can be traced directly to the abbreviations used by fast-tapping telegraphers. Most notably, the letter “U” for “you” or “R” for “are.” Telegraphers also used “ty” for “thank you” and “pls” for “please.” And though they didn’t say “LOL,” they would indicate laughter with “HI HI” (which required fewer dots than either HA HA or HE HE).

Maybe the most surprising acronym to come out of this era is “OMG,” which has been traced as far back as a letter from Admiral John Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917:

Fisher’s Memories“OMG, R U gonna come intercept the German fleet or wut??? :p :p :p #imonaboat”

3

A Whole Bunch Of Historical Figures Used Stand-Up Desks

If you work in an office, you might have heard that sitting is the new smoking. (Also, leaning is the new doing meth. Tell your friends.) So in order to combat the tyranny of comfort, the hip new trend in offices everywhere is the standing desk, used frequently by Millennial workers who buy into the often-disputed health claims, thinking they’re better than older generations who sat down their entire lives and didn’t act like precious snowflakes about it. Well guess what, bitter old man we made up: You’ve now called our Founding Fathers snowflakes. Traitor.

Turns out that a whole host of historical figures found it preferable to do their desk work on their feet. It’s purported that Leonardo da Vinci liked to draft his anachronistic contraptions standing up. In more recent times, we have firsthand accounts from lots of writers and politicians who liked it better that way, including Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson.

Wilhelm, Kotelmann, Bergstrom, ConradiWe may have improved on the design, but they were seriously ahead on their grade-school suit game.

The biographers of Lewis Carroll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Virginia Woolf all also claimed that their respective subjects cranked out their books on their feet. In 1888, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche even snapped at the novelist Gustave Flaubert, who claimed, “One cannot think and write except when seated,” by saying, “The sedentary life is the very sin against the Holy Spirit. Only thoughts reached by walking have value.” Which is kind of the 19th-century version of what an obnoxious Millennial would say to their manager while slurping on a pumpkin spice Frappuccino.

Of course, before standing desks were popular enough to be mass-produced, most people were forced to jury-rig them. Here’s a photo of Winston Churchill working at a desk that looks to have been propped up on some kind of cabinet:

PA via The Winston Churchill Project at Hillsdale CollegeA liquor cabinet, we assume.

Ernest Hemingway also improvised his own standing desk by putting his typewriter on top of a bookcase, claiming, “Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.”

Life Magazine“For sale: writing chair, never used.”

Then there’s this photo of 30-year-old Marvel Comics co-founder Stan Lee (yes, he was young once), who made a standing desk out of a bench on top of a table so that he could write not only standing up, but also outside and shirtless. As he claimed: “Always wrote standing up — good for the figure — and always faced the sun — good for the suntan!”

Stan LeeIm trying to absorb as much solar radiation as possible. You see, Ive got this theory …

2

Adult Coloring Books Date Back To The 1960s

In 2015, the publishing industry saw a considerable spike in profits when coloring books for adults became the hottest new trend, even if they’re already on the way out again. Of course, there’s no considerable difference in execution between coloring books made for kids and those made for adults, except one is to to get whiny brats to shut up, while the other is for kids. (Ha! Take that, Millennials!)

Except that adult coloring books were also a fad for another generation: the Greatest Generation. Coloring books have been published for adults since the early ’60s, and they carried the same cynical tone toward our stressful day-to-day existence. 1961’s The Executive Coloring Book featured images of a man going through his daily routine, with satirical captions like “This is my desk. It is mahogany. I wish I were mahogany” and “This is my suit. Color it gray or I will lose my job.”

G.P. Putnam’s Sons Publishing

G.P. Putnam’s Sons PublishingThis is the empty spot in my soul. Please color something … anything … there so I can feel joy again.

In 1962, the JFK Coloring Book became the first coloring book to hit the New York Times bestseller list, where it stayed there for 14 whole weeks. It contained 22 pages of mockery aimed at the Kennedy administration, with instructions to paint Kennedy “red, white and blue,” and to color the noses of his staff “burnt umber.” It’s nice to see that conservative humor hasn’t lost any of its staleness today.

Kanrom Books

Kanrom Books“Burnt umber. Because of poop, you see …”

The John Birch Society Coloring Book made fun of a prominent ’60s conspiracy theory group (kind of the Infowars of the Cold War):

John Birch Society

John Birch SocietyUsing a red crayon, color the LIES. Dont limit yourself to just this book!

Jokingly, it even contained one totally blank page, with the caption “How many Communists can you find in this picture? I can find 11. It takes practice.”

1

Women Were Getting Sleeve Tattoos And Nipple Piercings In The Victorian Age

Have you ever heard someone make that overused joke about how ridiculous hipsters with sleeve tattoos are going to look 40 years from now? Goodness, we’ll have entire retirement homes filled with saggy bodies look like Salvador Dali’s droopy phase! Not like in the past, when a tattoo was nothing but a tasteful picture of an anchor on your Navy granddad’s bicep, or a cheeky little butterfly on your hippie grandma’s left ankle.

Well surprise! There’s nothing new about chicks getting inked up. In fact, the trend dates back at least to the mid-1800s. Like anyone getting a buttload of tattoos, their reasoning also had to do with rebelling against societal norms and regimented gender roles, with the added bonus of looking cool as hell. Many notable aristocratic women in the Victorian era were known to have tattoos, including (rumor has it) Winston Churchill’s mom.

But it was, of course, the lower classes that got the most out of being as anti-establishment as possible. Many of the poor and downtrodden, the people you never read about in your textbooks, inked themselves up as elaborately as the patrons of your average modern craft beer festival.

Eisenmann Cabinet Card

The Plaza Gallery, Los AngelesTurns out Suicide Girls goes farther back than you thought.

Those two hipster assholes are Nora Hildebrandt and Maud Wagner, a couple of circus performers from the late 1800s who became well-known for their elaborate body art. But the controversy around these colorful women didn’t end at their tats. They caused quite a scandal when, in order to display every inch of their art, they would lift up their petticoats to show them. Leave it to the Victorian Era to be more disturbed by a bare thigh than a full-body tattoo.

But are tattoos really the most shocking thing 19th-century ladies could stab onto their bodies? Not even close. That honor goes to the Victorian nipple rings. While historians find it difficult to properly research things like Victorian peachrangs due to the intimacy and secrecy involved, some European medical journals have been uncovered that reference their female patients’ nipple jewelry as far back as 1857. Sometimes they were even connected by chains, because your great-great-grandma was much more hardcore than you will ever be. Some women thought that the procedure allowed them to develop bigger, rounder, firmer breasts due to the “constant excitation of the nerves caused by the rings.” And if you were a woman in the 1800s, excitation of the nerves was in short supply.

So what about the dudes? Surely, Victorian men wouldn’t dream of getting something as metal as a dick piercings? Well, not only did they consider them fashionable, but even a sign of modesty. You see, another fashion fad of the mid-19th century was incredibly tight-fitting pants — so tight that they left very little to the imagination. To better tuck their little sinners away from God-fearing eyes, well-off men would anchor their enormous Pride And Prejudice penises with a rod of metal (later called a “Prince Albert”) inside their pants to not fluster any godly women. So if you’re ever feeling insecure, take a moment to remember that your great-granddad probably had to use a barbell to secure his titanic manhood under his trousers. You won’t thank us later.

S Peter Davis is the creator of the Three Minute Philosophy YouTube series, and is the author of the book Occam’s Nightmare.

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