#he just really resonates with me on such a deep level you know

[invinciblerodent]

anyway, I really, really love how, if you romance Davrin, there's that beautiful moment in the final goodbye when he refers back to (at least one of-) the lines that can be said in the main romance scene:

[Davrin: You said you wanted the road less-traveled. Seems like we've got it right here.

Davrin: All I care about is that I'm there with you.]

after a personal storyline that's in large part about him overcoming an aversion of uncertainty, and embracing the potential for change and choosing who one wants to be (like most of the others, but it's arguably even more pronounced in his, as it's reflected through the griffons' story), that's just a really beautiful sentiment.

after spending so long thinking of himself as a weapon, believing one's destiny to be set in stone, even believing himself -and by extension, the griffons- to be "meant" for one immutable thing by their very nature...

it feels very satisfying and touching to know that he's willing to head into an unknown future with nothing truly secure, except for the hand holding his.

[asexualenjolras]

I can't stop thinking about the friendship between Quinni and Cash in Heartbreak High. I really hope we get more scenes between them in future seasons.

I can't stop thinking about Cash's face when Quinni is having her meltdown because he knows he can relate on some level. He's listening to her every word, and he is feeling so deeply for her.

His face when she says she doesn't want to be a burden made me sob. He looks so sad.

Quinni's words must have held some resonance with Cash, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Because he doesn't want to be a burden either, and he is trying so hard in his relationship with Darren and it still isn't enough.

Quinni says: "And then I find this thing, this one thing that I can control, that I can share with you all and participate in, one thing that I'm useful for, and I'm told I'm doing that wrong too. It's just not fair."

Cash knows how that feels. He's doing absolutely everything in his relationship with Darren, but he still feels like it's not enough. He's really letting her words sink in.

Quinni needs someone that can understand what she's feeling, and Cash can (in a different way).

I love that we saw Cash pick up on how upset Quinni was at the zoo. She needs someone that notices her, and Cash did.

Anyway, I love the scenes with Quinni and Cash together. And I hope we get more of their friendship in future. Because I think they understand each other on a very personal level. But maybe that's just my autistic, asexual self hoping they can find some solace in each other.

I resonate with Cash just as much as I resonate with Quinni, and I'm not saying that Cash is also possibly autistic but it's possible with his stimming, his mental health history, his deep empathy for living things and his struggles communicating how he feels. I'm running with this headcanon.

[flawseer]

Your thoughts on the wof characters have been really interesting and I'd love to hear your take on Starflight (your assignment of him being the 'designated sufferer' of arc one is both hilarious and tragically accurate). I've always liked him, cowardly though he is he still acts when he really needs to and the dynamic between him and Tsunami is super fun (the whole outwardly combative but inwardly just wishing to be as strong/as smart as the other).

I like Starflight and I relate to him a lot, as a fellow chronic worrier who annoys his friends with constant blathering about stuff only I find interesting, and often finding myself paralyzed in the face of decisions.

It’s funny how the story puts forward a black dragon, which in media are usually portrayed as mysterious, ambiguously malevolent harbingers of doom, and makes him into this adorable dork.

He’s also the plot’s chew toy, which I am at times less enthusiastic about. Especially when jokes are made at the expense of his misfortune.

Wings of Night and Sea

Starflight’s and Tsunami’s friendship is very engaging because, in a sense, both of them complete each other. For each, emulating the other serves as their last resort when faced with a personal crisis. Whenever Tsunami encounters a situation she cannot overcome with her usual blunt and direct approach, she asks herself how Starflight would resolve the situation. When Starflight becomes overwhelmed and too scared to move, his mind conjures an image of the strongest, bravest, most unstoppable thing he knows, which is Tsunami. Though either would be reluctant to openly admit it to each other, they both rely on each other’s strengths to cover their own weaknesses.

Through this you get the sense that, while their opposite personalities annoy each other to no end—if you locked both of them in a room for three hours, they’d be strangling each other when you open the door again—at their core they have only the deepest respect for each other. It becomes especially apparent when you realize that both of their stories in their respective books have them compare themselves to the other unfavorably.

If these two ever did a DBZ-style fusion dance, the result would likely be one of the most capable and balanced characters in their series.

Starflight's misfortune

CW: Discussion of blindness

One thing I have noticed (and have alluded to a lot in previous posts) is that the plot really likes to kick Starflight in the teeth. His own story arc puts him through the wringer, but he is not even safe in the two arcs past that, where he is largely out of focus. Most of the things that happen to him in arc 1 seem to occur for the sake of the story, but past that... it sometimes feels to me like the world has it in for this guy.

I started writing a list of every bad thing that happens to Starflight over all three arcs, but it got way too long, so now I’m just going to talk about a few select things instead.

One thing that stands out to me is that every other protagonist in arc 1 gets a specific moment. That kind of scene where they enter their tribe’s biome for the first time or connect with a particular part of their culture/physiology, and are overcome with a sudden burst of euphoria or deep resonance with their own nature. Clay gets it when he submerges himself in mud for the first time and then later again when he finds his siblings, Tsunami when she sees and smells the ocean, Glory when she’s in the rainforest and feels the sun, and Sunny when they go through the magic tunnel and end up in the desert. Starflight is the only arc 1 protagonist who doesn’t get a moment like this; when he enters his tribe’s home for the first time it’s a giant craphole that makes him feel upset. It only gets worse from there.

Then there is the big one; the misfortune that happens to him at the end of his book. I struggle to talk about this because... uh... How do I put this?

I opened this post by saying I relate to Starflight on a personal level. I wouldn’t consider myself as studious or well-read as him, so it’s not a direct comparison, but I do like to draw, write and dabble in visual artistry. This is a major part of my life; how I define myself as a person and what I think makes me “me”. The thing about this though is that all of this is tied up into one thing: my sense of sight.

It follows then that what ends up happening to Starflight is the realization of the one thing I fear the most. Thinking about the possibility of losing ones sight is deeply, personally horrifying to me. It messes me up internally just to consider it happening to me.

This, the subject of becoming blind, is a very difficult topic for any story to properly engage with. There are many pitfalls you can fall into and come off as insensitive, or ignorant. The way Wings of Fire deals with this subject is to... well... it doesn’t really. Starflight is blinded and then the story skips over most of his reaction to it because the next POV character gets separated from the group while they sort it out.

In a way, this is a good thing. I don’t know how this series—which often rushes through these really uncomfortable, harrowing events—would be able to show a realistic reaction to this development. Like, losing ones sight would be a horrifying prospect for anyone, but for Starflight especially this completely uproots not only his entire life, but his sense of identity. Everything he likes doing, everything he is and wants to be in life is rendered virtually impossible by this.

Consider who Starflight is. He is a thinker, and a worrier who is always inside his own head. He dreads and fears, he seeks out worst case scenarios, I daresay he is inclined towards pessimism. Whenever his neuroticism gets him too stressed, or emotional, or worried, he has one immediate response: bury his nose in a scroll. When he arrives in a new place, he usually asks where the scrolls are at. When he is under threat of being abducted or attacked, his first instinct is to go grab his scrolls to keep them safe. Like with me and drawing, reading is how he unwinds, how he balances himself. It is what keeps him sane and functional through dealing with adversity (and he's Starflight, so he deals with a lot of adversity).

Then this happens to him, and suddenly the one thing that makes this poor, battered boy happy, the one thing that never hurts him, is taken away forever. If I was in his place, if I learned I was suddenly blind, I would fall apart. I would cry, then scream, then cry AND scream and probably flail around in a panic. Clay would have to hold me down and restrain me so I don’t end up falling off the platform in a frenzied fit. Or worse.

So yeah, I get why the plot had to look away. Seeing this happen to Starflight—him going through this kind of anguish and then sinking into quiet despair as his world crumbles around him—would have been heartbreaking. In the end, we go on Sunny’s solo adventure and when she returns Starflight is already conveniently past the screaming fit phase and has adjusted to his new life circumstances—enough to talk and joke as if nothing happened. He then goes on to dedicate himself to bringing the wonders of literature to other blind dragons, which is a noble goal and good trajectory for his character—even if it’s a bit abrupt and I would have liked to SEE him do that instead of just being told.

Anyway.

This next one isn’t as notable because it doesn’t happen TO him, but I want to point it out to back up my claim that Starflight Ls can and will happen even in story arcs that have very little to do with him. In book 6 Moonwatcher and Darkstalker have a conversation where they discuss the concept of Nightwing powers and how they relate to the moons. The story very pointedly draws attention to the fact that Starflight nearly was born under three full moons and would have become the most powerful Nightwing of his generation if his inept caretakers had not decided to hatch him underground. While I don’t think getting these powers would have been good for Starflight in the long run, it is a bit sad considering he spent most of his childhood thinking he was born wrong because he didn’t have powers, and then Morrowseer further gaslit him about it throughout the arc.

And then we don't talk about what happens in arc 3. I am not the right person to discuss it.

My take on Starflight

I was asked to give my take on the character, so...

I already went into how I think he’s very introspective and prone to worrying. I see him as an introvert, which is something he has in common with Glory, and contrast him with Sunny, Clay, and especially Tsunami. He enjoys reading but also other activities where he gets to use his brain. He likes puzzles; I imagine he got very excited when they had to figure out the murder plot in book 2, or when he caught Blister in a lie. If he had a computer it would be full of adventure and puzzle games, and he’d hog the resident DS to play the Professor Layton series all the time.

When they found the academy, it is implied he teaches a literacy course and gives out writing assignments. That is right up his alley, but I’ve always felt he also has strong math/natural science teacher vibes. There should logically be a numbers class at that school and I can’t imagine any other character who would be more suited to teach it.

If I were asked where I would make changes to his story, I guess I would nix the part where he and Fatespeaker hook up in book 5. I have nothing against their relationship, it’s actually grown a lot on me over time. But I never liked how it started. Starflight gets rejected by Sunny and then immediately hooks up with Fatespeaker. This is really undignified for her because it takes their potentially intriguing romantic relationship and turns her into Starflight’s “rebound chick”. You really need to give yourself some time to move on from your previous attraction; rushing like this creates doomed relationships.

The original story implies that about half a year passes between the end of arc 1 and the start of arc 2. I like to pretend this gap is actually a bit longer, by like 2 or 3 years. It gives the old protagonists a bit more time to settle into the roles they’ll occupy during the next arc, and makes it more plausible to me that they could build and outfit an entire school, write the curriculum, designate roles, etc..

In that time, with things being more calm now, Starflight has opportunity to get lost in his own thoughts again. It turns out, now that the dangers of the war are no longer distracting him, he finds it difficult to cope with his blindness and sinks into a depression.

While this happens, Fatespeaker is there with him. She sees his condition worsening by the day, but refuses to give up on him. She reads to him; they talk, and they bond. Though serious self-searching and hard work, together they manage to pull out of the darkness eventually. This is how their relationship starts, and it’s also how Starflight gets the idea to invent the dragon-equivalent of braille.

Somewhere during that time, I also imagine Glory has Tamarin escorted to Jade Mountain so she can help Starflight adjust to his new situation and learn how to navigate his life without needing to rely on others. Perhaps this is what motivates Tamarin to attend the academy later.

What else is there to say? Hmm...

I think Starflight is really fond of hard candy. Jawbreakers are his favorite especially. Though given how prone to misfortune he is in the story, I’m hesitant to put him in proximity of anything with a name like that.

[michellesneptune]

astro observations⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖

moon in the 12th house synastry can feel like this soulmate, otherworldly bond, where you can read each others minds. however, it sometimes can result in the house person not being appreciative of the moon, not recognizing the efforts they make to help them feel good and feeling their feelings on such a deep level.

underdeveloped cancer suns can be so annoying😭 one thing i’ve noticed about them is that they looove to exaggerate the things they’ve done for you, it’s like they just NEED the praise for “sacrificing themselves”. they also tend to tell stories in a way that just makes you doubt if it actually happened the way that they’re portraying it.

saturn square mars people can suffer from low energy levels, sometimes they just cannot physically bring themselves to do something. however, if they eventually start, there’s no way of stopping them.

mercury conjunct mars people can effortlessly hurt you with their words, it’s no joke. they also tend to have some strong opinions. my mum has this and let’s just say that i avoid certain topics when talking to her😬

moon in taurus folks are such good cooks, i swear. it’s their love language, too. they don’t mind cooking for you and making your favourite dish is their way to your heart. they are really talented at it and it relaxes them.

they also tend to have extremely good sense of smell which is kinda impressive ngl. they are picky about certain scents.

someone i know has venus in gemini and he told me that he has actually broken up with a couple of girls in the past because their conversations were dull and they couldn’t keep up with him mentally.

another thing about this placement is that gemini venuses/risings are great at wordplay. it’s like their minds are always active, constantly seeking to make a brilliant joke.

mars in cancer men get turned on by their partner being turned on. they love to give pleasure.

8th house synastry can actually become so uncomfortable. people oftentimes talk about how deep and transforming it is, but if neither of people involved want to deepen the relationship, you will just be left with this aggressive awkwardness.

mercury square ascendant people often have specific mannerisms when they talk. i also kinda feel bad for them, as people tend to focus on how they speak, not on what they’re saying. it’s like they have very interesting thoughts but they cannot present them in an appealing way to the people that they don’t really know that well.

thank you so much for reading! i’m not a professional so don’t take my posts too seriously, only take what resonates. if you would like me to make a post about any specific placement, make sure to tell me💞

~michelle

[echoingspectrum]

𝑅𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠

𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡: 𝑦𝑒𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑒 ( 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 )

Inviting Dan Feng to a Starskiff cruise around the fleet for a leisure outing was a bold move by yours truly. You just thought he needed some break for working hours tiredly between a High Cloud Quintet and being a High Elder at the same time.

Surely, this would give him the opportunity to relax and unwind from his demanding responsibilities. As a close friend of his, you knew that Dan deserved a chance to escape the pressure of his busy life and enjoy some well-deserved time off.

If it means having your back ache from all dragging him to the designated location, whether he likes it or not...

The Starskiff cruise promised breathtaking views and luxurious amenities, making it the perfect setting to rejuvenate from a hectic schedule. So this opportunity cannot be missed.

Behind you, you heard a sigh as the two of you strolled toward in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, but rather a shared understanding of the need for this getaway.

"Was this necessary?" Dan Feng inquired frankly. "You, out of all people, know how much I value my time on duty rather than these shenanigans of yours."

"If your work is really that important, you wouldn't be here now, would it?" You teased, raising an eyebrow. "Besides, everyone needs a break once in a while, even the most dedicated workaholics like you."

"I'm not a workaholic."

"Your eyebags said otherwise."

The high elder could only grumble in response, but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly, betraying a hint of amusement.

The tension between them seemed to dissipate as the two of you continued your walk, with the sound of the wind rustling through the atlas providing a calming backdrop to your conversation.

"So..." You paused, glancing over at the high elder. "What's really been bothering you lately?"

The high elder's expression softened slightly at your question, and he let out a weary sigh. He seemed hesitant for a moment, as if he were reluctant to admit the truth.

"I suppose I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately," he admitted, his voice tinged with fatigue. "There are numerous responsibilities on my shoulders, and it's beginning to weigh me down a bit."

He took a deep breath, letting the wind and the resonance of the atlas soothe his weary mind. You nodded, understanding his words. Although you never know what the burdening pressure of leadership truly felt like, you could empathize with the toll it was taking on him.

"I can only imagine," you said sympathetically. "But you always seem to handle everything so well. How do you do it?"

The high elder chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I wouldn't say I handle everything well," he said with a wry smile. "I have my moments of doubt and frustration just like everyone else. I just try to stay level-headed and prioritize what needs to be done first."

He paused, looking out at the landscape before continuing, "But it does get lonely at times, having all this responsibility on my shoulders. It can be a heavy burden to carry."

Sighing, his turquoise eyes then glint toward you. Despite the midnight vignette that surrounds you, his eyes often shine under the moonlight's soft glow, conveying a sense of vulnerability hidden beneath his usual stoicism. You could see a flicker of sentiment like nostalgia and yearning flash across his face.

"I often wish..." His voice came out soft and wistful. "Prior to this day, I longed for those days where we often indulged ourselves together, carefree and without a worry in the world. Those memories are what keep me going in the darkest of times."

For a brief moment, it was as if he was lost in thought, his expression uncharacteristically open and vulnerable.

You couldn't help but notice the change in his demeanor. You felt a sudden rush of heat to your face, your heart skipping a beat. The realization that he might be missing your presence made you feel both surprised and a little flustered.

'Get it together! RAHFHWEBNEHFHC⏤'

"I too missed our moments together." You felt your lips twitching upward. Your thoughts whirls like a turbulent hurricane yet you stayed composed.

Tender moments like these, where emotions were raw and unguarded, were rare but cherished.

The unspoken connection between you both was perceptible—a silent understanding that transcended words.

Not before long, the Starskiff ship you had rented for both you and Dan Feng was ready to set sail across the vast expanse of the Xianzhou Luofu. The sail unfurled with a gentle whoosh, carrying you both into the unknown trip that awaited.

Stars illuminated the midnight atlas, adding a touch of romance to the journey ahead. The cool night air wrapped around you like a comforting blanket as you leaned against the railing and let yourself be carried away by the gentle sway of the ship.

You enjoyed the stillness of the night while your companion relished the scene before him. He silently spectated your every move with lingering affection. You look so peaceful, staring upon the expanse of the universe above the both of you.

His heart swelled with endearment as he watched you enjoying this evening rendezvous with a set of merriment⏤ feeling grateful for this moment of tranquility together. The soft glow of the starlight seemed to reflect the warmth of his feelings for you.

He doesn't normally indulge himself in the subject of romance, believing that it would add to his sense of obligation which already brimmed with his responsibilities of his current status.

But alas, you are an exception. Oh, how fortunate you are~ In this very moment, he couldn't help but feel flooded by the depth of his emotions.

As the ship continued its journey through the night, he made a silent vow to cherish these moments with you for as long as he could.

'I wonder if our future aligns with the stars.' He thought to himself, uncertain for the forthcoming events that would inevitably change the very course of your lives.

The gentle hum of the ship's engines seemed to echo his sentiment, creating a sense of harmony between the two of you and the vast universe surrounding you.

"Welcome to the Starskiff Jetty. A port for all Starskiff ships lands and takes off. I'm certain you are aware that this is the official entrance to the Xianzhou Luofu." The tour guide optimistically gestured towards the bustling crowd of travelers.

After the big event that transpired, you and Dan Heng thought to take a stroll through the bustling streets of his home planet. Why not? Take it as a reward for all the assistance that the Astral Express has provided.

You tugged at the ens of his sleeves and suggested, "Dan Heng, let's ride a starskiff!"

Stream of jaded nostalgia seem to caress his mind for a second.

Like a child filled with wonders and curiosity, the said man only sighed at your enthusiasm and replied, "I suppose we could, but let's make sure to be back in time for the departure of the Astral Express."

And with that, you both set off towards the Starskiff rental station, taking a Starskiff cruise around the bustling town.

Oh, the faded memories are soon to resurface. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi!! I sorta get the vibe that maybe Rook has some deep rooted trauma from his childhood?? Just because of how secretive he is; i know hes eccentric but i feel like it’s more than that. A lot of ppl are upset at Vil for “changing” Rook somehow but i feel like rook changed his appearance to match with Vil, moved to pomefiore, etc. because HE wanted to be more like Vil, i feel like him meeting Vil was a rly big turning point for him. And with how upset he was at having to hurt dream Vil and Neige (and his fanboy bedroom😭😭) i feel like he’s really dependent on both of them for his happiness and he’s avoiding dealing with some traumatic experience, but this could be a stretch. I was wondering what your thoughts were. Sorry this was so long, have a nice night!!🫶

Mmm, maybe? There's certainly nothing to disprove the idea, although there also isn't much to support it. Rook doesn't strike me as someone who is scared or put off by most things. He was very much able to keep his calm and composure even in demanding, high-stress situations like the STYX base raid in book 6 and the rescue operation in Endless Halloween Night. If he has experienced something dangerous and/or dark, he gives me the impression that he could handle himself just fine. (This isn't to downplay trauma; I'm just saying that Rook could very well be the type of person that reacts and copes well with it.) As for him being secretive, it could be for other reasons such as his family's line of work (which is implied to be pretty important, since they have warp pads and villas all over Twisted Wonderland). This would be reasoning similar to why Jade and Floyd's father's occupation is kept dubious. Rook's secretive nature could also be an intentional diversion (ie purposefully playing "the fool") so it's easier for his targets to lower their guards around him or not take him seriously. Really, there's many reasons for his enigmatic and eccentric attitude. I'm also of the opinion that you don't necessarily need to have a deep-rooted trauma to get deep into fandom or stan culture. Sometimes you just get really into something and want to dedicate your entire being to that which holds your attention! For Rook, that's Neige and Vil--and it hurts him on a deep level to have to harm those who have brought him so much joy. I liken it to like... how TWST fans have merch shrines dedicated to their favorite boys. Non-Twsties may not understand our love and dedication to these characters, nor why we may get upset if those merch shrines are destroyed or damaged.

I think a lot of Rook's emotional attachment to Neige and Vil doesn't come from "relying" on them to fill in some void within himself. Rather, the behavior stems from him literally viewing them as pinnacles of beauty, combined with his own reverence for beauty itself and how they've helped his own character development. We know that, as a child, Rook struggled to express himself and was first introduced to the magic of the arts when he watched a play that starred Neige. The performance and show must have deeply resonated with Rook. Later on, we see that he, as a first year Savanaclaw student, acts much closer to the Rook we know of today. Invasive, bright, speaking his mind in a verbose way, etc. This makes me think that it was through stanning Neige that Rook was motivated to express himself in a more open manner. Then, when Rook meets Vil, he's inspired and encouraged to beautify himself so as to be like the works of art he already admires. As you've said, Vil isn't the one forcing change on Rook; instead, Vil gives the suggestion and Rook becomes enraptured with the idea--to the point where he changes dorms against Vil's advice. This is another huge turning point in Rook's life. He changes dorms, becomes Vil's right-hand man, and drastically changes his appearance too. This is all so he can be closer to the "beauty" he wishes to see, so he can fully dedicate himself to that chase. Neige was the impetus that started it all, and Vil is the one who motivated Rook to go "above and beyond" in his pursuit of beauty. So thinking about it, Rook has gone on his own journey of personal growth, and Neige and Vil are both closely tied to that. It's like how some of us TWST fans have been with the game for a few years now. We've grown and changed, and TWST has been with us every step of the way. I bet you're a totally different person today than you were when you first came across your current hyperfixations. That's bound to deepen the emotional connection we already have with the object of our affections--be it TWST for us, or Neige and Vil for Rook, no trauma necessary. From all of that, I get the impression that Rook cherishes Neige and Vil because he has "grown up" with them and they're so pivotal to who he is and has become as a person. When he has to turn his arrow on them, it may hurt him in the sense that he's destroying his passions or the very figures who have inspired him to come as far as he has. That's how I interpret it!

I still think it's fine to headcanon whatever you want for Rook's past though! There's no harm in filling in the gaps with whatever you think suits the character or the story.

[immortalmrwavell]

Mr Wavell - Origin

(Original story posted December 25th 2021) This story has been mildly Updated!

Many of you may already know who I am but for those of you that don’t, I am Mr Wavell and I am what may be referred to by some as a Warlock. I’ve spent the past couple decades fulfilling all sorts of body swapping and transformation dreams. Sometimes I do it because the people I’ve come across have begged me to grant their desires whether they were conscious of it or not. Other times I just do it for my own pleasure regardless of what they want.

Transforming men. Swapping their bodies. Hypnotising them to my whim. I live for it.

Saying that, things weren’t always this way. In fact my name wasn’t always Mr Wavell either. I suppose while I’m here I could give you a bit of… backstory as to who I am. I’ve never told anyone this little tale before so consider yourself lucky.

To kick things off, I was born with extraordinary power. Powers capable of bending and altering space and reality itself. To be born with magic wasn’t uncommon where I come from. In my world magic is common amongst folk and almost every living being holds a small portion of it inside them. I however was born with so much of it that everyone was terrified of me and what I might become.

For some context, I’m not just a Warlock. No. I’m far more powerful than that. With the level of power I possess, I could be considered a Deity who is only a few steps shy of omnipotence. But saying I’m a Warlock makes me a little more… approachable I suppose. And slightly less self absorbed.

That said, when I was younger my body wasn’t equipped to handle these powers. Or more specifically, both my body and my mind couldn't handle it. These incredible powers I’ve been blessed with were so strong that my young and immature body was never able to fully handle or control them. Because of this my power slowly but surely eroded my body. It almost seemed like a slow acting cancer.

On the other hand, my mind not being mature enough also restricted the limits of my power significantly. I could always feel a deeper… stronger power inside that I could never quite tap into. My only hope was that as I grew older I would grow more capable of handling my power. Yet even by the time I reached the age of 18 my body had already become far too weak over the years to ever hold my overwhelming magic.

Long story short, I was dying.

I required a far more mature body and an older more mature mind to go with it. Yet I had neither. Even if my body wasn’t slowly shutting itself down, I knew deep down I would never really grow out of my naive and immature mindset which would forever hold back my potential. You can only imagine how frustrating it was for me.

Even worse was how I was always on the run. Other Witches and Wizards were always trying to lock me up out of fear. Kill me in case I did something terrible with my magic. Or worst of all, trying to steal my power for themselves!

So I did the unthinkable. Not long after turning 20 I used my magic to activate a forbidden spell. One that could rip a hole between realities. Normally a spell like that would take a massive group of practised magic users to perform but thanks to my incredible power I was able to do it alone. This allowed me to escape to your world. One without magic where I no longer had to fear being hunted. But unfortunately I was still dying.

I figured all hope was lost for me until one fateful day. I was minding my own business walking the streets of this world as I passed the local high school. That's when I met him. Mr Wavell. At a glance he just seemed like an ordinary teacher at this school. But the moment I set my eyes on that man there was this intense pull towards him the likes of which I’d never experienced before. His body. His mind. Even his soul resonated with my powers! I could sense it.

I knew right then and there that he was The One.The one whose vessel could contain my full powers and allow me to finally assume complete control of them. To allow me to live!

Once I was out of sight, I used my powers to enter a ghostly invisible state before floating back over to the school gates where I was just able to catch him. I followed him as he walked back into the building. He stopped to make a coffee in one of the staff rooms before heading down a few corridors until at last he reached an office that had his name on it. “Oliver Wavell”.

I would’ve followed behind but just as he stepped inside there was shooting pain through my body. I was able to hold it together until he closed the door before dropping to the ground and becoming visible once again.

I remember clutching my chest as I gasped for air. My body felt like it was on fire while my nose began to drip blood. It was embarrassing to say the least. After wiping my nose and giving myself a moment to catch my breath, I used a weaker version of my permeation ability. I found myself just barely passing through the wall into Mr Wavell's office.

He was just sitting there grading tests and sipping on his coffee until I accidentally knocked over a book. His eyes immediately shot up, looking at me in shock. He jumped up from his chair, confused as to how I even got in here without him noticing. I used what little strength I had to flick my finger with a spark of magic to make him think he’d let me moments ago.

After collecting himself, Mr Wavell simply guessed that I was a visitor to the school. Perhaps looking for a younger sibling. He asked if there was anything he could help me with.

“Yeah. I think you’re the only person who can help me.” Was all I said as I shifted closer to his desk.

“….Sure… What do you need?” The teacher responded, a little weirded out by my tone I guess. But that didn’t stop me from moving around his desk and staring directly into those beautiful deep blue eyes of his.

I then asked him with a completely serious and resolute face “Would you be willing to give up everything if it meant obtaining unimaginable power?”

The teacher glanced over at his schedule of overworked hours and the boring grading papers on the table. With a chuckle he nodded and actually agreed.

“Well uhhh… sure why not I suppo-MMMMPPHFF” He was cut off as I grabbed his face and tugged him in a long and intense kiss. Wrapping my hands around his head pulling him as close as possible. I could taste his coffee breath and scruffy beard itching against my face. I savoured the delicious taste of his mouth for a few seconds before I felt him start to resist. He tried to pull away however I kept my hands firmly wrapped around him. He was never going to escape. He belonged to me.

The next thing I knew I began exerting every ounce of my weakened powers, feverishly trying to make my desire come true. And true it did come. My powers, my life force, my soul! Everything that I was began to leave my body as it exited through my mouth in a mass of pure energy and pushed its way into his hot teacher mouth through the kiss. I could feel him groaning uncontrollably as my very being forced its way inside of him. He was powerless to stop it as my magic filled out every crevice of his mature body in the most pleasurable way imaginable.

Once the last of my being was suckedinside Wavell’s body, my formee husk of a body vanished in a flash of light as though it’d never been there to begin with.

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing alone in the office. I must've stood there slack jawed for at least five or so minutes as my magic merged the soul of original Mr Wavell into my own before assuming full control of the body. Looking down at myself, I was wearing a dress shirt, jacket and tie as well as tan khaki pants with a nice pair of brown shoes. Everything he’d been wearing.

I instantly noticed the difference in height. The teacher had been a good couple inches above me before but now o got to stand at his very height! A height that I now know to be 6 feet exactly. On top of that all subtle differences in my new bodily proportions seemed so jarring at first. I couldn’t help flexing my hands a little before running them down my frame.

However as I did I couldn’t help noticing the lingering taste of coffee in my mouth. I looked at the steaming coffee cup sat on the desk beside me. I’d never been much of a fan before but now I couldn’t help picking it up and taking a swig. It tasted surprisingly great! I’ve been an avid coffee drinker ever since.

Soon after I found myself looking into a small mirror on the desk. Staring back at me was the handsome bearded face of the teacher who’s body I’d stolen, Mr Wavell. No. It was MY handsome bearded face now.

His amazing body, his bright memories, his delightful preferences, his intelligent mind… They now all belonged to me. Forever. And to the rest of the world, I was and would always be Mr Oliver Wavell. Especially now, thanks to this mature mind I’d absorb, I could feel the depths of my true power starting to unlock and become available to me. So much power now coursing through my new veins. I felt as though at long last I had full reign of it all.

As evidence of this I made all my clothes disappear into thin air before turning every wall and half the items in the room into mirrors. Before something like that would’ve taken effort but now I hardly had to think about it. With a grin I then went on to admire this new body of mine, gazing at myself from literally every angle. My original body had never been as hairy as this one. I still remember loving how it felt first rubbing my hands through this hairy chest. And my new mature cock seemed to agree as it stiffened up in seconds and once it did I couldn’t keep my hands off it. It was long and sensitive, not to mention surprisingly thick. Truly a cock worthy of someone as great as myself.

But after all I’d been through, I think I deserved to be a little greedy. As I started to pump my new cock, my hand began glowing around it causing my cock to pulse with transformative energy. With every stroke it grew. Adding a hefty amount of extra length and girth to my impressive dick.

I continued to stroke my cock furiously, moaning in ecstasy as I watched myself fondle my new amazing body from whatever angle I looked. So much so that I soon roared out as I felt myself explode my new Mr Wavell seed all over the nearest mirror. Covering it in a thick white glaze. But of course I hadn't had enough. I used my limitless power to refill these fat nuts over and over again... and again... and again… Not stopping until there was teacher cum splattered across every surface in the room, including myself.

Now I, Mr Wavell, have the power to split earth apart if I so desire. Luckily for you, I don’t. That said, despite becoming far more intelligent and mature, I’ve retained my mischievous nature. Ever since I became Mr Wavell I’ve been obsessed with the concept of becoming someone else. But I didn’t want to stop being Mr Wavell. Not now anyways. I love this hairy body and mind. Right now I wouldn’t trade it away for anything in the world! Maybe later down the line if I find another man compatible with my power, I’ll consider it. But for now Mr Wavell is who I am and would never go back.

Despite that, I still wanted to experience the feeling of becoming someone else. And that's exactly why I do everything that I do. I started using my powers on others. Watching men getting their bodies swapped. Transforming them until they’re unrecognisable from the men they once were. Each time it gives me that same rush. The thrill I felt when I first became Mr Wavell. And somehow it never gets old.

Since then I’ve used my powers on more people than I can count. Almost all of them were men of course as you may have gathered. What can I say? I was already gay in my original body and then I took over this sexy piece of meat which only amplified my lust and desire towards the mature male form. Although I have been known to transform a woman from time to time… but only to give her the gift that is being transformed into a man.

And that my friend is more or less my story. That is who I am and how I came to be the man you see before you. But enough about me. Telling that story has got me incredibly horny and I’m just itching to transform you… what was your name again? Oh it doesn’t matter, you’ll have a new identity soon.

[scarletwritesshit]

🐉 Jiyan x F!Rover 🐉 Dragon's Faith

Rover stood by Jiyan’s side, her body tense and nervous. She wasn’t nervous due to simply being in close proximity to him, as they were both well adjusted to each other’s presence. This time around, however, things were far more properly structured than a battle on the fly or a casual hangout. She tried her best to look imposing and refined, as a Resonator of her caliber theoretically would be, but she couldn’t free herself of the nerves still bothering her.

Just how does he do it? she thought, looking at Jiyan. He’s so noble and imposing, yet it all came to him naturally. I don’t even know who I am, let alone the minute details of how I’m supposed to present myself.

Imposing glare. Straight posture. As still as a rock. Jiyan made it look easy. Whenever Rover took a deep breath to try and steady herself, she only succeeded in making herself look like a paranoid chicken. She could not figure out why she all of a sudden felt so on edge.

Jiyan, though focused on supervising the soldiers as they practiced, noticed Rover’s poorly hidden anxiety out of the corner of his eye. He put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to gently get her attention, but she jolted out of her skin.

"I apologize, but I did not mean to startle you," Jiyan said. "You seem awfully tense, is something the matter?"

"No. I’m perfectly fine. I think," Rover said, taking a deep, shaky breath.

She was not fine. Rover felt as if Jiyan was silently judging her down to each individual breath. She even felt as if she was incorrectly using her own two feet to stand.

"Are you a little nervous?" he asked.

"Me? Nervous? I’m absolutely fine," she spat out.

"There’s no reason to lie. I can see you practically trembling in your boots."

"...Okay, maybe I am a little nervous. But can you blame me? I’ve never had to stand in front of a well-respected army before. I think."

Jiyan gave Rover a reassuring rub on her shoulder.

"Relax. You hardly need not worry about supervision as I call most of the shots here."

"But what if I’m, oh I don’t know, standing improperly?"

"…Standing improperly? I don’t believe there is such a thing as that. Your posture is fine and you are acting respectfully, if that is what you are concerned about.”

"Er…not exactly. You make everything look effortless, and it makes me wonder if I should even be standing on the same level as you."

"Of course you are. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have been able to fend off the onslaught. Cut yourself some slack, my love."

"It’s one thing for us to unwind together in private, but you’re a completely different person while in command of your troops. I can’t help but feel intimidated."

Jiyan glanced to his side and gave her a reassuring smile. Although he had to keep an eye on his troops as they trained, he could spare a few brief seconds for Rover. She was just as important to him as any individual force. Perhaps Jiyan would consider her to be even more important, but he was in no position to be playing favorites.

"I don’t even feel worthy enough to be with you,” she continued.

"This theoretical concept of worth you speak of is of no concern to me. I’ve been rather fond of you since the time we first met."

Rover tilted her head. "Really?"

"Indeed so. Even if you were not as incredible as you have proven yourself to be, I still would love you dearly regardless. Besides, we’ve endured literal hell side by side together. I have more than enough of a reason to have complete faith in you."

Rover took a deep breath and once more attempted to steady herself. Jiyan was rather insistent that she was fine, and that she had no reason to be so self-conscious. Still, she could not shake the nagging feeling that she was out of place standing next to the general.

Jiyan pulled Rover in close and rubbed her side in an attempt to soothe her further.

“Relax,” Jiyan said, softly looking at Rover. “Unnecessary stress is detrimental to your health."

Rover looked over at him and nodded her head in acknowledgement. She knew that she would have to relax, but that was far easier said than done. Jiyan lifted his hand away from her shoulder and kept it still as Rover noticed a green Loong manifesting from behind him and coiling down his outstretched arm. He held out his hand as it slithered past his palm and gazed at Rover, tail still wrapped around his lower arm. She could feel her anxiety increasing once again, as now she had the general’s Loong watching her every move.

"It’s not just my trust you have," Jiyan said.

The Loong nudged Rover’s shoulder, like a cat headbutting its beloved owner. Her arms remained tense, despite how gentle each nudge was. It was kind of adorable, and Rover did want to pet it, but she held still and stared at it nervously out of fear of accidentally disturbing it.

"Go on," he said, "I know you want to."

Rover held out the palm of her hand, reluctantly inviting the Loong to slither into it. It looped around her arm once, still remaining somewhat wrapped around Jiyan, then rested its head in her hand. She scratched the underside of it gently, and it quickly melted into her hold.

"See? Nothing to worry about, love."

The Loong slithered in the air around her, and Rover kept her hand held out. It coiled completely around her arm and nudged its head into Rover’s open palm. Despite her ever-present nerves, it strangely seemed to be soothed by her presence. In fact, it almost seemed fully trusting of her.

"It… seems friendly," Rover noted, still wary.

"Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?"

"I guess if you’re truthfully fond of me, then I’m not sure, actually."

Jiyan’s companion continued nuzzling against her hand, making a sound as close to a purr as a small beast could manage. If even his Loong trusted her, then she ultimately had no reason to be so tense around him, even if it did take a little bit for her to force herself to calm down. After a few headbutts to her palm, the Loong dissipated, and Jiyan smiled and nodded with approval.

"You’re overthinking. Deep breaths, and soon you’ll be leading the troops right by my side."

"Y-yes sir," she said.

Jiyan squinted his eyes at her.

"I mean, yes, Jiyan."

"Much better."

[queenshelby]

An Illicit Affair

Part Ten: The Movies

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

Later that day, just as you were laying on your bed and tried to read a book, Lucy walked into your shared room and was surprised to see you. 

"Y/N, fuck what are you doing here?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was just..." you hesitated, glancing briefly at Lucy before staring at the floor nervously. "Reading," you finished lamely, clutching the book you were supposedly reading tightly in your hands.

"I can see that, but why are you here?" she wanted to know. "I would have thought that you were hanging out with you know who tonight," she said quietly seeing that the dorm rooms at the university had rather thin walls. 

"Nope, he changed his mind about us," you answered honestly, your voice trailing off in embarrassment. "I guess his consciousness got the better of him after all," you explained with a saddened voice, causing Lucy to purse her lips. 

"Really? Why the sudden change?" she asked, her eyebrows raised, skepticism written all over her face. Her voice dripped with disbelief and concern. 

"I don't know. I guess he feels guilty, I suppose," you mumbled, averting your gaze, unwilling to delve deeper into the issue at hand. You clutched the book tighter, a protective shield guarding your vulnerable emotions. 

Lucy studied you closely, squinting at you as if scrutinizing your every detail.

"Look, I'm going to level with you," she began, her voice suddenly stern. "I think that him coming to his senses may be for the best. Not only is he your ex-boyfriend's dad, he is also married, right?" Lucy stated, her voice laced with caution.

"Yeah, but..." you trailed off, unsure how to respond. You appreciated Lucy's understanding and concern, but there was something unspoken lingering between you, something unsettling.

"It doesn't matter," you eventually muttered, deflecting her question. "I just need to clear my head now and forget about him," you insisted, fidgeting with the book.

"You do and, Y/N, just think about it, even if he wasn't married and was readily available to you, he would be way too old for you and, if anyone was to ever find out about your little affair, then the press would have a field day with it," Lucy said, her tone softening. "His career would suffer and your prospects of permanent employment at the hospital would be hindered as well," she explained. 

Her words resonated in your mind, striking a chord deep within you. You had never considered the consequences of your actions on your professional life.

"I know, Lu," you sighed, closing the book and tossing it aside. "But I actually really enjoyed myself with him, you know?" you ventured, your voice quivering slightly with uncertainty. "I mean, it wasn't just the sex that was incredible. It's everything.  We could talk for hours about anything. He is smart, humble and very attentive. Plus, he is incredibly attractive and gentle as well. Unlike me, he is super creative and funny too," you explained just before Lucy interrupted you. 

"And yet, you need to forget about him because, frankly put, he will never leave his wife for you," Lucy reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I highly doubt that he would jeopardize his career and reputation over an extramarital affair with a younger woman who happened to date his son in the past," she added grimly. "It's wrong on all levels, Y/N and I know that you know that," Lucy stressed, her eyes pleading with you to understand where she was coming from.

The truth of her words stung you, forcing you to confront the harsh realities of your situation. You swallowed, fighting back tears that threatened to fall.

"Yes, I do know that it's wrong," you finally conceded, your voice cracking. "It's not worth risking my future or his for something that can never amount to anything substantial," you admitted, and Lucy nodded, relief washing over her features.

"Exactly, Y/N," she praised, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Now, I guess you don't really want to come to the movies with us tonight, seeing that we are going to watch Oppenheimer, right?" Lucy continued, her voice tinged with reluctance, understanding very well that watching Cillian on the big screen was too difficult for you right now.

"Actually, why not. The bloody advertisements are everywhere anyway. I see his face every day around town, and everyone is talking about the movie, so I may just as well watch it," you replied, swallowing a lump in your throat, receiving a warm smile from her as a reward.

"That's the spirit, Y/N," Lucy cheered, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I am glad you are coming and guess who else will be there?" she asks casually, grinning mischievously.

"Who?" you ask, curiosity piqued.

"James," she replies triumphantly. "The cardiologist you have been flirting with at work before you hooked up with Max's dad," Lucy explained excitedly, grinning broadly.

"Really?" you ask, feigning surprise. "You noticed that?" you teased, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Well, I do pay attention sometimes," Lucy retorted, rolling her eyes teasingly. "Besides, James is cute and smart. Lucas invited him but I think that you might actually enjoy his company," she winked, nudging you with her elbow.

"Alright, alright," you chuckled, relenting before looking for some clothes to wear but, as you rifled through your closet, searching for something comfortable to wear to the movies, your thoughts drifted back to Cillian.

You weren't sure whether you should be grateful for his abrupt departure or resentful for leaving you high and dry, so quickly. Regardless, his memory lingered, and the ghost of his touch still burned on your skin like a lingering kiss.

Eventually though, you found a pair of jeans and a loose shirt, not putting too much effort into your appearance. Realisticially, you were done with men for now and even James was slightly too old for you. Yet, you liked being in his presence and it was not as if you could deny the chemistry between you two at work.

He was certainly interested in getting to know you some more and this became even more evident when you entered the cinema later that evening, taking your seat in between him and your friend Lucy. 

"So, Y/N," he began, his voice warm and inviting. "Tell me more about you," he requested politely, his eyes shining eagerly before the adds started rolling in. 

"What do you want to know?" you wondered aloud, contemplating your response.

"Anything," he assured you, leaning towards you slightly. "What do you do when you aren't studying or working?" he asked, growing increasingly curious about you.

"I like to read, or listen to music," you responded, thinking for a moment. "I also like to go for walks, especially in nature. Do you enjoy hiking?" you asked James, turning your head sideways to glance at him.

"Not really," he shook his head, smiling sheepishly. "I am more of a city person and, as you know, I work a lot so I rarely get any free time to explore the great outdoors." 

"I see," you said, nodding. "Well, if you ever want to try it, I am game. Maybe you can learn a thing or two from me," you teased, laughing lightly.

"Definitely," he smiled, patting his chest proudly. "I would appreciate that," he said. "Maybe we could take my BMW, drive down the coast and have a picnic or something," he smiled just before the theatre darkened and the movie previews came on. 

"Maybe," you nodded before you took a deep breath, settling into your seat and gripping the armrests tightly.

Concentrating on the captivating visuals and engaging sound effects, you tried to push Cillian out of your mind which, of course, was proving to be a challenge as the familiar contours of his face kept appearing before your eyes on screen.

As the film progressed, you found yourself uncomfortably entranced by this man again and, soon enough, James noticed your discomfort especially during Cillian's intimate scenes with Florence Pugh. 

However, you remained adamant to focus on the present and, despite the occasional flashbacks of your fleeting intimacy with Cillian, you desperately attempted to compartmentalize these thoughts.

Somehow, you got through the entire movie and, when the lights came back on, the credits were already rolling, indicating that the film had ended.

"Great movie," James commented, turning to look at you. "What did you think?" he asked you, smiling brightly.

"Yeah," you nodded, returning his smile awkwardly. "It definitely had its moments," you swallowed harshly while hearing some women behind you talking about Cillian's captivating performance, causing even James to roll his eyes and chuckle.

"You used to date his son, didn't you?" he asked while listening to the group behind him, now drooling over Cillian's captivating eyes and aura. 

"Whose son?" you questioned, shooting James a puzzled look.

"Cillian's son," he chuckled. "You know, the lead actor? Cillian Murphy?" he said sarcastically, seeing that you did not really pay much attention to his question.

"Uhm, yeah," you acknowledged, your voice barely above a whisper. "It was a long time ago though," you added, swallowing hard, realizing that sharing this information made you feel slightly awkward. 

"Did you ever get to meet his dad?" James asked, his tone hinting at a curious undertone.

"Yeah, a few times," you replied, fiddling with your fingers nervously. "Why do you ask?" you queried, lifting your gaze to meet his.

"Oh, I was just wondering since I met him once when his son was in the ER, and he seems like a decent guy. Really quiet though," James shared, shrugging casually. 

"He is quiet, I guess," you stammered without revealing your true feeling towards Cillian and the fact that you had been intimate with each other only recently.

"So, do you want to grab a drink?" James asked after a minute of awkward silence, gesturing towards the exit. "Or maybe we can head to my penthouse instead? I have a bottle of Moet in the fridge, and you should really see the views from my place. Absolutely incredible," he suggested, noticing the heaviness in your gaze. 

The mention of heading home jolted you back to reality, and you blinked several times before offering a weak smile. "Uhm, maybe another night," you hesitated, running your fingers through your hair nervously. "I'm quite tired," you lied, your voice barely audible.

"Yeah, sure. Whenever works for you. Unless I am working, I will make sure to be available," James agreed, flashing a sympathetic smile as you walked with him and the rest of the group while images of Cillian's face danced across your memory, his sensual whispers reverberating in your eardrums like forbidden promises.

You tried to shake off the images, but they persisted, weaving themselves into the fabric of your mind.

As you walked alongside James, you stumbled over your feet, lost in the swirling kaleidoscope of memories.

Determined to break free from the chains of the past, you forced a smile and plunged into a torrent of meaningless chatter. The laughter that escaped your lips was hollow, devoid of genuine mirth. You needed a distraction, something to blot out the haunting visions of Cillian's presence and the intimacy you shared with him.

Eventually, you arrived at campus where James said goodbye to you and Lucy.

"Sleep tight, Y/N," he whispered affectionately, his eyes filled with warmth and concern. "I will see you tomorrow," he reassured you, reaching out to squeeze your hand softly.

You could only muster a weak smile in return, trying to hide the turmoil raging inside you.

"Thanks, James," you murmured, squeezing his hand gently before stepping into the dormitory.

Once inside, you breathed a sigh of relief, welcoming the solitude that engulfed you and Lucy knew to let you be and not to bring up James or Cillian again. 

After all, you were exhausted and needed some peace to sort through your feelings.

You slipped off your shoes and collapsed onto your bed, your heart racing like a runaway train. Memories of Cillian's passionate embrace crept into your mind, refusing to relinquish their hold on you and it wasn't until a week after that you heard from him again. He was giving you a heads up that he had been asked by the UNESCO foundation to present several awards at a charity event you and some fellow students were organizing for Empathy Week and whilst you weren't exactly surprised by his announcement, it worried you to see him again in this capacity. 

Unbeknownst to you however, leading up to that message, Cillian too was struggling to come to terms with his feelings for you as well. 

He had spent sleepless nights thinking about you; the taste of your lips, the scent of your hair, the intoxicating energy between you.

Despite knowing full well that he was trapped in a loveless marriage, unable to escape, he couldn't resist the magnetic pull drawing him further into your orbit.

As such, he became withdrawn and distant, spending most of his downtime holed up in his study, his mind racing with thoughts of you. He would often pace up and down his basement, pondering the implications of pursuing a relationship with you. His conscience weighed heavily on his shoulders, burdened by guilt and the fear of destroying both of your lives.

His wife Danielle soon became aware of his distant demeanor and moodiness and, every time she tried to initiate intimacy, he pushed her away with excuses of exhaustion or stress. This caused tensions to flare up between them, resulting in bitter arguments about their dissolving marriage.

Despite his attempts to distance himself from you, Cillian couldn't help but think about you constantly. He replayed the memories of your passionate encounter in his mind, longing for the chance to experience it again. Every day, he would find reasons to seek you out on social media, hoping for a glimpse of you and when he received the invitation to speak at the Empathy Week charity event organized by you and some other students, his initial reaction was one of dread.

The prospect of facing you again brought forth a whirlwind of conflicting emotions - anticipation, lust, shame, fear. Yet, the opportunity to contribute to a cause that held significance for both of you provided a strange sense of comfort. With trepidation, he accepted the invitation, secretly hoping to see you again but when Danielle and Max also confirmed their attendance at the event, his mind started spinning with the complications that awaited him. He wrestled with his guilty conscience, torn between his love for his family and his irresistible attraction to you which he knew would cause problems that evening if he wasn't careful. 

To be continued...

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred

[vinestaffery]

Hello!!!! Since I'm pretty sure Requests are open at the time I'm writing this, Could I request Subspace with An Idol Reader??

subspace x idol! reader

content: slight stalking themes; obsessiveness; general fluff?; confessions; a bit wattpad-like y/n; y/n is song-inspired; dont know what else to really say, it's subspace!!!

authors note: subspace i love you uuhmmm who said thatttt???? uuummmmmmmmmmm

[Y/N] sat in the cozy corner of the studio, tuning their hair and their outfit for the stage, humming a new melody they had been working on. They were going to be playing with Boombox, a well-known individual within Playground. [Y/N] smiled, staring at themselves in the reflection, as their guitarist tuned their guitar. They strummed absentmindedly on their instrument, looking up to [Y/N].

“Hey [Y/N], did you hear about that weird guy who’s been hanging around the playground lately? Stated that they were going insane, they nearly stole some random guy's ticket to this concert,” they spoke in a shattered voice, as if they were afraid of the person. [Y/N] glanced up, intrigued. 

“Weird guy? You’ll have to be more specific. This place attracts all sorts of interesting characters, whether you like it or not,” they replied. [Y/N]’s friend shook their heads, a serious expression on their face. “No, I mean really weird. He’s been making quite a scene. Loud, obnoxious, strange type of person gave me the creeps just hearin’ ‘bout it.”

[Y/N] chuckled, brushing off the concern their friend had expressed. They turned, hands on their hips, comically. “You know, being in a band brings out the strangest of people. It’s all part of the experience, right?” Their friend looked at them with a slight discomfort. They sighed.

“Maybe, but this guy is different. There was something off about him. Like, he was looking for something or someone, and he’s got this intense energy,” they continued. [Y/N] turned around and focused back on their small accessories and additions to their outfit.

“I felt like he was only thriving off of chaos and pure... something.” [Y/N] zipped their jacket up, letting the sound resonate for a moment. “That sounds like half of the fans we meet. People are drawn to the music for different reasons," [Y/N] turned, “and sometimes those reasons are a little unconventional, but it’s what makes this experience so interesting!”

[Y/N]’s friend placed their guitar on their lap. They shook their heads, not fully assured. “I get that... But what if this guy is even worse than usual? I don’t know; I just... am scared; I have a bad feeling about him.”

[Y/N] smiled warmly, appreciating the concern but not feeling particularly worried. “Thanks for looking out for me, but I can assure you, I’ll be okay! Sometimes the most intense fans are the ones who connect with the music on a deeper level,” [Y/N] walked over, placing a hand on their friend's shoulder, “and it’s kind of flattering in a way.”

They gave a reluctant nod, still uneasy. “Yeah, maybe you’re right; just promise me you’ll be careful, okay?” 

“Promise,” [Y/N] said with a reassuring smile. “Now, let’s get back to checking off the list; we’ve got to go up soon.”

[Y/N] raised their microphone in the air, the sound of the crowd going insane as the song entered the final strum of the guitar. Panting, their chests rising as they smiled, only to soon skip off the stage and grab a quick drink. Rushing away, [Y/N] took a cup and poured themselves a drink. 

[Y/N] took a deep breath, feeling the familiar thrum of excitement as they prepared to meet one of their biggest fans. They had heard rumors about strangers' fascination with their music, and it was surreal to think that someone they admired was also a fan.

The back of the stage was a small area. It was a space where musicians and others could speak freely, away from prying eyes and ears. But it seemed somebody was already there, pacing back and forth with a restless energy that seemed to crackle in the air around him. His usual maniacal grin was firmly in place, and his eyes lit up as soon as he spotted [Y/N].

“Ah, there you are!!” Subspace exclaimed, his voice dripping with excitement. “The idols of the playground themselves, gracing me with their presence??”

[Y/N] nearly spat out their drink, soon panicking as they dropped their cup and hid it with their foot. It was subspace! The Subspace! [Y/N] had been a long-lived fan of his works, especially the release of Biografts. [Y/N] felt sweat pour down their forehead. “Oh! Hello! I’ve been such a big fan of your work!”

Subspace’s eyes widened slightly, a look of genuine surprise crossing his face before he quickly masked it with his usual bravado. “You? A fan of mine?? Well, that’s a twist I didn’t see coming!!” He let out a loud, almost manic laugh, the sound echoing around them.

[Y/N] nodded, their hearts pounding. “Yes, I love the intensity and raw emotion in your performances. They’re...inspirational.” Subspace’s grin widened, and he stepped closer, his gaze intense. “Inspirational, huh?? Funny, I was going to say the same about you. Your music... it’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. It’s... intoxicating.” 

You could feel yourself falling for this man faster than ever.

[Y/N] felt their cheeks heat up, their heads spinning with the unexpected praise. “I don’t know what to say. Hearing that from you means a lot.”

Subspace’s expression softened for a brief moment, a flicker of something almost genuine crossing his face. “I guess we both have our obsessions then. But tell me, What is it about my work that you admire so much??”

[Y/N] took a deep breath, trying to gather their thoughts. “It’s the way you throw yourself into your performances—the sheer passion and intensity. It’s like you’re not afraid to be completely yourself, no matter what anyone thinks. That’s something I really admire.”

Subspace’s grin returned, but there was a hint of something more behind it now. “Well, well, it seems we have more in common than I thought. You’re not so bad yourself, you know??”

Before [Y/N] could respond, Subspace took another step closer, his voice dropping to a softer tone. “You know, I’ve always wanted to meet you, to see if you were as captivating in person as you are on stage. And I have to say, you haven’t disappointed.”

[Y/N] felt their knees go weak, the overwhelming mix of excitement and nerves threatening to overtake them. “I’ve always wanted to meet you too, Subspace. Your work has been such a huge inspiration for me.”

As they stood there, face to face with their idol, [Y/N] could only nod, their hearts racing and their minds a whirlwind of emotions. Meeting Subspace had been everything they had hoped for and more. The reality of the moment was sinking in, and they felt a rush of pure exhilaration.

Subspace's grin widened as he watched [Y/N] struggle to contain their excitement. “You know, you’re even more charming in person than I imagined. It’s no wonder you have such a following.”

[Y/N] laughed nervously, feeling a warmth spread through them at his words. “Thank you, Subspace. That means a lot coming from you. I’ve always admired your fearlessness and the way you put everything into your work without holding back. It’s something I aspire to do.”

Subspace’s gaze softened slightly, a rare moment of sincerity breaking through his usual manic demeanor. “It’s not always easy, but I find that the only way to truly live is to embrace every moment, no matter how chaotic. And you, [Y/N], you have that spark. That same fire.”

[Y/N] felt a surge of pride and joy at his words. “That’s one of the things I love about your work. It’s raw and unfiltered. It’s...real.” Subspace’s grin returned, wider and more genuine than before. “I knew there was a reason I felt drawn to your music. We’re kindred spirits, you and I. Both are chasing that same high, that same passion.”

[Y/N] could feel their hearts beating faster, their excitement growing with every word. “I never thought I’d meet someone who understands that so well. It’s...it’s incredible.”

Subspace took a step closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Tell me, [Y/N], what drives you? What keeps that fire burning inside you?”

[Y/N] took a moment to think, their minds racing. “It’s the connection with my fans, the feeling of creating something that resonates with others. And the thrill of pushing boundaries and exploring new territories. It’s addictive.”

Subspace nodded, his eyes gleaming with understanding. “I get that. It’s the same for me. The rush of a performance, the thrill of the unknown. It’s what keeps me going.”

They stood there, sharing a moment of silent understanding, a bond forming between them. [Y/N] felt a sense of exhilaration, knowing that they had found someone who truly understood their passion.

Subspace broke the silence, and his voice filled with excitement. “You know, we should collaborate sometime. Imagine what we could create together. The world wouldn’t know what hit them!!”

[Y/N] felt a thrill of excitement at the idea. “I’d love that. I think we could create something truly amazing.”

Subspace’s grin widened, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. “Then it’s a plan. We’ll make something that will blow everyone away. Just wait.”

[Y/N] felt a surge of joy, their hearts soaring with the possibilities. Meeting Subspace had been everything they had hoped for and more. As they stood there, face to face with their idol, they knew that this was the beginning of something incredible.

Subspace’s gaze softened once more, a rare moment of vulnerability breaking through his usual bravado. “You know, I never expected to find someone who understands me like you do. It’s...refreshing.”

[Y/N] smiled, feeling a warmth spread through them. “I feel the same way. It’s amazing to meet someone who shares the same passion and drive.”

Subspace nodded, his eyes filled with a mixture of excitement and gratitude. “Here’s to new beginnings, then. And to create something that will leave a mark on the world.”

[Y/N] raised an imaginary glass, their hearts swelling with joy. “To new beginnings.”

As Subspace walked away from the meeting spot, [Y/N] felt a sense of exhilaration and excitement. They had met their idol, someone who understood their passion and drive, and they knew that this was just the beginning of an incredible journey.

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

Well, consider me a vampire that was invited into the house, I guess.

Hope you are alright with me bringing a small token of appreciation first - small drabble to read!

**********

- Everybody, hold on. - Wise's even voice cut through the chatter of Cunning Hares and Belle. - I have...weird reading.

The group stopped, while Belle instantly asked her brother for specifics. She didn't really like the confusion in her brother's gone when he answered.

-The Ether levels. They behave strangely. First they skyrocket, then instantly drop to near nonexistent levels. And it happens with odd..rhythm. And trajectory. Almost as if-

-Everybody, hide! - Belle commanded, even before Wise finished his speech. Her bangboo rushed to cover first, with Cunning Hares following their proxy's footsteps.

Not a second later than the group hid behind some rubble, the farthest wall exploded and a large Ethereal sailed through it, colliding with the wall near them. It started to fall apart almost instantly. The cold, metallic voice resonated through the area.

- [Not this one either then. Dullahan is still roaming free.] - The figure rushed through the opening in the wall, stopping near the Ethereal and grasping it with their hand. - [Your existence shall serve me some more, husk.]

Belle had to bite down her gasp when she saw the Ethereal slowly being absorbed into the person(?) hand. Billy did gasp though, nearly giving away their hiding place. The odd figure instantly turned towards the sound, giving Belle a chance to see a blank metal mask on their face.

Suddenly, the figure blurred in her vision - rushing away at inhuman speed.

-They are headed towards the next high Ether level zone. - Wise supplied quickly. - Just where we were headed before now.

Belle sighed. Could this contract be normal at least once? First their account was nuked, then they willingly decided to confront high level Ethereal - and now THIS.

She really wanted to sleep.

First of all Anxious, you should really try your hand at writing.

Second of all, I am a big fan of this so I hope you don’t mind that I made my own little addition to it.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Wise drummed his fingers against the table as he scoured the Inter-Knot with Fairy.

The target of their search?

That Hollow Raider Belle and the others ran into.

The only thing they were able to turn up?

A single word.

“Kresnik”

A myth in the deep darkness of the Inter Knot.

A bedtime story used to scare young blood.

A creature in a metal mask that ate ethereals.

It’s said that it could rip any Ethereal apart with its bare hands.

It’s said that it could lift an entire train car and throw it with one hand.

It’s said that it could punch straight through a Gear Gate and rip it off its hinges.

And… it's said it didn’t care who or what was in its way, only that if it is it won’t be for long.

Or that’s what the stories said.

Wise didn’t know if he should believe them or not.

If he didn’t, that meant there was a strange being that could devour Ethereals.

If he did, that meant there was a strange creature that could devour Ethereals and tear through anything like it was paper.

Neither options were ones he liked.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Context: Kresnik's or Krsnik's are a form of Vampire Hunting Shaman's with some vampiric powers of their own from Slavic Cultures. Its name roughly translates to "Resurrector".

[cryptids-and-muses]

Post canon homestuck crew play Dungeons and Dragons

Karkat and terezi

Co dms

Unstoppable when actually working together

Terezi will get sidetracked messing with karkat

Karkat trying to write a deep and well fleshed out campaign that’s thematically resonant vs terezi’s desire for chaos and traps and trying to “trick” her players FIGHT

Terezi believes in karma and will make the world bend to this

Karkat is trying to set up romance arcs and argues about how it adds to the theming

Dave draws them fanart of their characters. Terezi loves it while karkat argues about accuracy before admitting yes he also appreciates it

Calliope also does fanart and karkat praises her skill and accuracy unlike some people

John

Arcane trickster rogue

Forest gnome

Just a goofy little guy!

Mostly just playing to have fun, starts off with a fun but simple character who develops over time

Ends up SUPER invested and taking this so so seriously

Karkat worked a dramatic reveal into the, in his words, “bare ass bones two paragraphs that a fucking wiggler could have written backstory” and John did not see it coming and loved it

Goes head to head with terezi a lot on her various traps she designs for them. She is getting more and more absurd with it. Karkat had to talk to her about breaking the world building with things she’s introducing. He is the only rogue. Send help.

Rose

Drow warlock

Tries to justify picking drow as anything other than she just thought it was cool

Nearly went old ones for patron but settled on archfey for story reasons

Has a 10 page lore document detailing her tragic past and her toxic relationship with her patron

It became 15 pages after going back and forth with karkat for a bit and adding even more

Only her and one other person are taking the romance arcs seriously and they become karkat’s favorite players

Tries playing morally ambiguous but terezi can be annoying about that and claims it’s just “the consequences of her actions”

Her and karkat both get very very into the scenes between her and her patron, the drama! The acting! Dave is uncomfortable and karkat brushes it off, it’s not like him role playing as his sister’s abusive girlfriend is weird. It’s in fact very important to the plot Dave

Has written fanfic of the campaign

Jade

Dragonborn barbarian

Path of the beast

Don’t ask me I just know

Her GLEE when she says “I’m gonna rage :D”

ANIMAL COMPANION! She nearly went ranger just for that but knew she wouldn’t have as much fun. Found a way to get one anyway.

It was harder naming her animal companion than her character

Having fun and likes the problem solving side of things, but likes breaking things with her massive strength just as much

Terezi likes to throw stuff at her, both traps and encounters, and finds it funny if she can just wreck her way through

“See John that’s how you deal with a pressure plate trap”

Takes the rp side of things very seriously

Once argued with Karkat over if her favorite npc would do that and cursed him out

Has read roses fanfic of the campaign

Dave

Plays a teifling with grey skin and orange horns

“What are you talking about karkat this is just my dude, don’t you like him?”

Hellus Jeffus

He’s a valor bard, eventually multiclasses paladin

Starts out just trying to mess with people but like John starts getting into it, though he tries to down play it

Have hellus more of himself than he realized and it’s making him face things about himself

Eventually hellus self sacrifices to save the party in this deeply intense moment. There were tears, Dave was wrecked, they went on a whole quest to revive him. It was touching and karkat is smug

Dave might have worked through some things

Jane

Halfling cleric

Her and John are small buddies!!!

Started out life but wasn’t having a lot of fun with it so with terezi’s permission switched to war or tempest with later s few levels in fighter

Her John and Jade are the biggest front liners, John’s character ends up really close with both of them as it’s easier for the rogue to bond with the person giving them sneak attack

Jade and jane’s character have an in game arm wrestling match

Took a bit to get into the rp side of things but eventually got the hang of it

Roxy

Tabaxi, easily, it’s so obvious

After much deliberation settles on glamour bard (though wizard and rogue were tempting for the joke, she wanted to branch out)

So many horny bard jokes but very little actual follow through, karkat gets frustrated by this as she’s all this talk but isn’t pursuing any of the romance options he’s giving her

She has SECRETS! She is HIDING THINGS!! Her cheery persona is a FASADE!!!

Cue complaining to karkat about how hard it is to wait to tell the others about her secrets and him threatening violence if she tells anyone before the in game reveal

She tells jake

Lots of egging on Dave and helping him with his fucking around

The BOND between her and Dave!!! They are the duo to end all duos. Team rocket type shit. There is nothing stronger than the bond between the bards of the party. My theory is it has to do with trading bardic inspiration.

Dirk

Half elf Druid circle of spores

Wildfire seemed fun to him but wasn’t as good

Wasn’t originally planning on being a Druid but after going over all the classes he liked all the customization and decisions that go into Druid like prepared spells and such

Didn’t really think about his backstory much, just improved something. He keeps improving new additions and it’s getting more and more elaborate and complicated. He has multiple hidden and long lost siblings by this point. Still doesn’t write any of this down. If he messes a detail up he justified it with more improv.

Yes his character has spiked up red hair and sunglasses. Don’t question how the Druid got sunglasses karkat.

Really likes the tactics side of things, he’s even pitched a few things to terezi she updated and later worked in

Sometimes works on plans and strategies out of game or making a million back up characters that play off the others in interesting mechanical ways

Is considering becoming a dm some time

Jake

Needed some help making his character, he just didn’t know where to start

Eventually after much discussion settles on a teifling bladesong wizard

Wanting to get away from his usual adventurer style Roxy helped with the backstory and they came up with this evil scientist raised in a cult who’s good hearted but was never taught right and wrong

He gets very into playing him and his moral struggle but can lean a little too good for his backstory, karkat points this out and Jake swears to get better at it

Dave pitched a lot of names for them and it was eventually settled on “Bernard Gunn” even though he has a sword. Jake just likes how it sounds

“Why is he blue jake?” “…..uhhh” “why is he blue?”

Calliope

SHE LOVES THIS SO MUCH

Teifling Druid with a focus on healing

Circle of shepards

Not a troll color pallet like Dave though, honestly it might get a bit trickster

Beautiful backstory that she coordinated with one of the others to make joint. The most obvious choice is Roxy but I think it was actually jade, Jane or John.

She gets so into it you guys, like so into it

Gives at least one dramatic speech completely on the fly

The other character who takes karkat’s romance arcs seriously and his other favorite player

Has also argued with terezi about world building and consistency. This may put her above rose in karkat’s eyes

Was also allowed to read rose’s fanfiction and offered full on reviews

Also considering going into doing but for the opposite reasons to Dirk

Vriska

Fairy artillerist artificer with a dip in war magic wizard

Min maxxed to hell and back

(Technically there was a better race, but fairy has its own advantages and she couldn’t resist)

An elaborate backstory too with some secrets of her own, I’m thinking full on lost princess

Yes she is That Player, you know the one

Has nearly been kicked multiple times and now won’t leave on principle

Not the best at sticking with the party and not just doing whatever she wants, but suprisingly Dirk has been able to talk her into it with his talk of tactics and playing smart

Second most effective is John who just looks at her like “vriska you’re not making this very fun :(“

Kanaya

Fire genasi ranger

Really tried to get into it but this just isn’t her thing so eventually decided to leave the group

Karkat came up with a fun story reason for her to leave and eventually brought her character back as an Npc

Did help rose make a cosplay of her character, after which John, Calliope, and Roxy wanted to make ones too

Vriska eventually tried to “manipulate” into helping her make one for her character

[polyamorousmood]

Hey there :)

So I have no problem with my bf dating other people, and recently hes started having sth with someone else. Good for them! Legit, no problem with that by itself

But.. now I'm being left on read a lot, like majority of the time it feels like, no matter the topic or time. I just feel.. forgotten, I think, or replaced idk. But it feels pretty bad.

I dont want them to think I'm jealous or mad, I just wish he would still show me the same attention/care as before. Ive talked about how left on read makes me very insecure, due to fake friends and person past experiences before so I dont want to bring it up again.. but it hurts. Idk what to do?

Bad news, babe. You're gonna have to say something again. The good news though is that you can productively procrastinate it, because there's some stuff I want you to do first.

But before I get into that, I let having a cool opening distract me from very important other things that need said: That sucks, and I'm really sorry, but you can make it through this.

Now then. Time to productively procrastinate a difficult conversation. Look, I'm procrastinating it more by making it a read more! (It, um, it is A Lot. I took "blogging platform" literally on this one😅)

It sucks. Believe me, it bothers me too when I can't hear from my partner📵📴 because they're with my meta. It has been A Problem I've had to work through, so I think I'm actually pretty qualified to give advice on this.

Some of what I have to say is going to smart (old-timey word for sting) a bit, so I want to make it clear that I understand where you're coming from, so you can trust the part that stings is necessary. I imagine its something like this:

You relationship with your boyfriend is great! So great, you're happy for him to have someone else to love! That's. That's so rare and incredible, its a love beyond what most will know. And then he takes that love and wads it up and throws it in the back seat to make room for this new schmuck. The love is still there, it's just... in the back seat. And you never thought that would happen, because the relationship is so good! And you already said something, so you worry you're being a nag, which you don't want, because you ARE happy for them, you're so happy for them... except when you're not because you can't be happy when he can't be bothered to text you back. Its not really so much to ask, and you EXPLAINED why its important to you, so why doesn't he seem to care? You communicated, you did your part, and it was hard and scary! Surely harder than texting you back would be! And you don't want to feel like this, but. There's this anxiety that... shouldn't he want to text you back? Isn't that how he would act if he really did still care about you just as much?

Any of that resonate? I don't know you, so maybe some of it was way off base🎯, I don't know. But I hope enough of it was close enough to right that you know I get it when I say:

This isn't just your boyfriend fucking it up. This is, in part, probably you asking something unreasonable. To give you the exact same level of time an energy as when it was just you too is a big ask. To be able to supercede his time with the other person any time you want is a big ask. If you're only okay with your boyfriend having someone else if it doesn't cut into your time at all, how okay with it are you actually?

So before you talk to him about it, you gotta step back. Its not that you're wrong for feeling sidelined. But a poly relationship just isn't going to be the exact same as a monogamous one. It it were, I wouldn't have bothered making a blog, and I wouldn't have needed to because I wouldn't have a trail of loving, wonderful, burnt to ashes monogamous relationships behind me. Let's take a deep breath together. Pause here if you need.

Now, there are some questions here that do affect what I think would be fair. For example, if you're living with your boyfriend, and he's taking you for granted, always texting the other person when he's with you, you don't have any special time with him anymore, and then when he goes out its radio silence. That's a very different situation from you being in a long distance relationship so texting is your main form of communication/bonding and now he's got a new person that lives near him so he's with them constantly and now, what are you, chopped liver? for example. I'm going to give a list of things you might be doing that's unfair, and I want you to take a minute and evaluate as honestly as you can where you fall on that. This is a self-reflection, not an accusation, so please resist any temptations to get defensive (if you even feel them). I recommend taking out a pad of paper and committing to an answer for each. Some you may not be doing at all! Some okay maybe a little. And some now that you think about it, yeah actually, you're doing a lot. That's okay. You not handling it perfectly is okay, and doesn't mean we can't ask the boyfriend for accommodations still.

Are you valuing 1:1 time with your boyfriend as much as you're valuing (negatively) the time he spends 1:1 (not texting you) with his partner? IE, are you more bothered by him not texting you than you are appreciative when he takes time for you?

Are you texting him compulsively out of anxiety instead of because you have something more important to discuss?

Are you accidentally infringing on his other partner's time?

Are you trying to infringe on his other partner's time to reassure yourself that you're important to him?

Are you texting him to "test" him?

When you communicated that you didn't like being left on read, did you properly convey how big of a problem it is for you and what your expectations were?

When you communicated, did you allow space for negotiation and to work on the problem, or was it more like a list of demands?

Are you misplacing your feelings somehow? Is there something else that's bothering you that you don't feel comfortable bringing up?

Are you letting your anxieties run you? Is there something you could be doing to address your feelings?

Are you forgetting to weigh other allocations or shows of love he's making or you?

Is there anything else internally you might be overlooking in regards to this?

Whew! Heavy stuff. But you made it!🎉 Now, we'll dig into how his actions are making you feel. That last set was about what you could be doing better, and this one will help determine he could be doing better. But just like we weren't making accusations about you, we aren't making accusations about him either. We are assuming good faith on your boyfriend's part. This is still ultimately about your feelings and what reasonable accommodations could be made for them.

Do you feel the time allocation for you vs his other partner is fair? Why?

Does he seem to text them back more than you?

Does it seem like he's not taking your concerns seriously enough?

Does this issue look like a larger pattern? If so, what? How will that look long-term?

Has he made specific promises he hasn't kept to you in regards to this? If so, what were they and how hasn't he lived up to them?

Do you feel he's made adequate time for you to discuss concerns, or do you feel like he tries to rush through them?

Do you think he gave you a reasonably clear expectation of what him dating someone else would look like (or did he make it seem "nothing will change")?

Has he not responded to something critical?

Is there anything else he's done in regards to this that doesn't sit right with you?

You did it! 🎉Now we can officially start working on problem-solving. I imagine that was a lot more than you bargained for, for such a simple problem as "I want a text back," but its important to get everything laid out. This helps in a lot of ways. It helps guard against striking on a "solution" that isn't actually sustainable. It makes sure you're starting a discussion in good faith. And hopefully, it will help minimize having to return to the issue.

For the sake of formatting, we're going to address the questions for you first, then the questions about him, then how to have the hard conversation, then workarounds that you may not have considered that aren't really your or his problem. I actually think that third group has some of the better "quick fixes", if you can find one that works.

Starting with the questions about what you could be doing better, in order, skip any that don't apply:

Re: valuing 1:1 time -- Make active efforts to appreciate the time you do have more. Use this time as a guard against negative thoughts when he is unable to respond ("We spent all day together yesterday, a few hours today without hearing from him is fine")

Re: texting compulsively -- Be more vigilant about self-soothing. I find self-talk to be most effective for me. I cannot possibly cover everything here, but it sounds like it stirs up fears you're losing your partner. Since you cannot guarantee that will never happen, I find it most helpful to reassure myself I will be okay even if I do lose them. Another option is to make a reassurance bank, where you can store and see evidence of his affection without asking it from him. Your mileage may vary. If you really struggle with this, there's always therapy.

Re: accidental infringing -- Be more mindful of what you send. Save things that are non-urgent to discuss later, when you have his attention anyway.

Re: deliberate infringing -- Stop it. It will only strain things and make the outcomes you don't want more likely. See self-soothing. Find something else to distract you that you can put energy into.

Re: "testing" him -- See above. I know, its easier said than done. Do the hard work. That shit can ruin your life.

Re: didn't adequately express importance -- Well, its a good thing we're about to talk about it anyway! Really think through how you can explain how badly it makes you feel. We'll get into that more when we discuss How To Have the Conversation

Re: list of demands -- Well, its a good thing we're going to talk about it anyway! This time, see it as a negotiation. Ask him if that's feasible, or if its too much. But open to trying alternate solutions.

Re: misplaced feelings -- Take the advice on How To Have a Conversation and apply it to the thing that's actually the problem.

Re: managing anxieties -- Again, you'll have to find a way to self-soothe somewhat. That's not to say your partner shouldn't meet you halfway, but you do have to do your half.

Re: forgetting other expressions of love -- Literally make a list of all the things he's done/is doing for you. As many as you can think of. Add to it often. Pick a couple and do a deep dive on why that mattered so much to you and how you felt. Tell him, too. You gotta be grateful consciously, bro. This applies to all of life

Re: anything else -- Take that into account. Work on that, too, however you can. Be honest with him about your shortcomings when you address it.

A lot of these will require upkeep on your part (kind of mirrors🪞how texting you back consistently requires upkeep on his, huh?). Be prepared to discuss the changing you're going to make and have an actionable plan for them. Okay, his turn, same as before:

Re: fair time allocation -- does he need to make more time for you? Do he need to make protected time that is only for you? You said you feel forgotten, replaced, so maybe this is part of it.

Re: unequal texting -- first, consider why. If he lives with you, he's probably going to have to text the other person in front of you sometimes. If you still think its too much, again, protected time for you may be appropriate, he may need to do a better job keeping his New Relationship Energy (NRE) in check. Be prepared to discuss this, possibly including him defending himself!

Re: not taking concerns seriously -- Well, its a good thing we're discussing this again! Make sure you have an actionable, measurable metric he can do to show you progress here. (IE ❌"I need you to care more" ❌ but ✅"When you're unable to respond, I need you to say that you're busy so I know you thought of my needs" ✅)

Re: bigger patterns -- You will have to tell him you're concerned about those too. If it could become untenable for you, this will probably be a recurring discussion. Consider scheduling check-ins where you say one thing you think is going well and one thing you're worried about, for example.

Re: unkept promises -- here, you are super justified in being mad. Try not to be anyway. Try to be curious and interested in addressing the root problem. Ask him what got in his way, what middle ground he's confident he can manage. It is you and him vs the problem, even here, not you vs him.

Re: inadequate room to discuss -- Set expectations before the talk, and remind him of them if he forgets. (IE "I know this isn't nice to hear, but I need you to let me say my piece and talk through solutions, even if it takes awhile." and "I said I needed to talk through the solution. This sounds nice, but I'm concerned about X. How can we make sure that doesn't happen?") Consider reserving specific time to discuss it, consider reserving recurring time to discuss any problem, if you need it.

Re: didn't set expectations appropriately -- ask. Ask what this would ideally look like to him. If he's having trouble getting started, point out some differences you've already noticed, and ask if he thinks those are the new norm.

Re: didn't respond to something critical -- Establish a way he can see what is critical and what isn't. This might be texting something that can wait, but calling for something important, for example.

Re: anything else -- address that too. Give him a chance to explain himself. etc.

Okay, you've done everything up to this point alone. You're prepped. Now How Do You Have The Conversation?

For this type of stuff, I recommend the WIBS format. That is, "When [something happens], I feel [feelings] Because [explanation] So could you please [change]". But of course, it can't be that simple either. Critically you CANNOT say "you" before the "so could you please". The example I'm about to give is going to use the texting issue specifically, but if you've done the soul searching and found there's a bigger problem you want to address (which ngl, sounds like there might be something bigger based on what you sent), adjust accordingly! This is good general advice for any tough conversation. Anyway, here's what that might look like on the texting thing:

"When I am left on read, I feel anxious and betrayed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. So could you please make a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

But wait a minute! That doesn't include any of the bullshit I just made you do. What the hell am I trying to pull? Okay okay, so we have to modify this a bit. Our new format is going to be something more like this: "When [something happens], I feel [feelings and impact], because [explanation]. I have tried [things you've tried], and I am still struggling because [reason why that hasn't helped, including what you could do better]. So I was hoping to look at some more solutions, like, would you be willing to try [change]." Which might in practice look something like

"When I am left on read, I feel so anxious and betrayed I start spiraling thinking the relationship is doomed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. I have tried dropping some hints and self soothing, and I'm still struggling because this is a really bad anxiety that I didn't have to deal with before recently and even with the hints I'm not getting the response rate I would like. So I wanted to talk about it and see if you'd be willing to try making a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

And then! The discussion continues. Maybe he says "oh my god, yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you that much, absolutely I can do that" and maybe he says "I'm with you all the time how is this still a problem?" or maybe its "actually, [other partner] gets really anxious when I text, which is why I don't respond unless its important. I figured I could talk to you about dinner plans any time" and whatever the case is, you keep talking until you've set on clear goalposts and have reassurance they feel okay to all parties. So in order, your responses might be something like "are you sure you can manage that? I was really worried by my hints not being picked up on that that was the reason", "I know its a problem. That's why I'm talking to you about it. If that's not a good solution to you, let's come up with something else, because the way things are is really hard on me," and "okay. I don't want to make [other partner] anxious either, but this isn't working for me, can we find something else to try?"

Allow him to explain, be prepared to explain more yourself, and be willing to try a variety of solutions. Acknowledge

Is this my longest post yet? Maybe! Wild. Let's top it off with something easier: The Hack Solutions🧑‍💻. Sometimes, anxiety isn't logical, and goofy workarounds can be super helpful! Here are some off the top of my head, but feel free to get creative, too! Not all of these may be feasible, not all of them may help. But a lot less work than some other solutions so worth mentioning!

You said being "left on read" is what bothers you. Can you just... turn off read receipts? Or switch to a messaging app that doesn't have them? Can he just not read your texts until he has the time to respond?

A lot of phones have a driving mode, that will send an automated reply to texts. Can he turn that on when he's with his other partner so you get a reply like "hey I'm busy rn, but I'll text back later!" and would that help?

If you just want to feel more involved, maybe it would help if he just like, took a picture of his pizza to send to you. Reminds you you're thought of, doesn't require conversation.

Something that I've done with friends is write like, a dozen short affirmations/reassurances, and have them keep them in a special spot. When they need to feel loved, they can take one out to read. This has worked PHENOMENALLY for them, and still protects your partner's time away while allowing you to get love direct from your partner WHENEVER you want.

Can he just kick it with you both concurrently?

Can you have a friendship with your meta where you text THEM like "tell [bf] to text me back real quick" and then your bf doesn't feel bad about texting in front of the other partner because they're telling him to do it?

Classically condition yourself. Like, every time he leaves you on read, eat a chocolate. And then sometimes instead of it being "boyfriend won't text me :(((" it'll be "oooo! candy time!"

ai yai yai! That's all I have, though! Come back if you need help working through some specifics. I'm very happy to help however I can. Its not your fault you're struggling with this. Most polyam relationships have to deal with this to some extent, but with a little effort, you can make it through. Best of luck to you, friend. 💙💖🖤

[multiwreckedmess]

Kinktober Day 13

Prompt: Body Worship Pairing: Boyfriend!San x reader WC: 1.6k Summary: The change of seasons has always been difficult for you and today is no different. Some days you just need some help.

This is a work of fiction, it does not represent San or any Ateez member. Although this isn’t necessarily an 18+ work, for my comfort and boundaries please if you are under the age of 18 do not interact with this. 

I’m going to put the TW/CW above the cut this time as TBH, it’s not really smut.

TW/CW: depression, self-hatred, vague self-harm references, leg shaving, San bathes reader. 

 Everything hurt. That’s all you knew as you laid in bed. A deep ache that resonated in your bones consumed your being. Nothing helped, rolling to your side, laying on your back, leg up and on your stomach, just pain.  “It’s because you rolled around in bed all day,” San chides from the doorway as you groan. “You need to get up and stretch, just to rebalance your body. It’s not even about working out. If your blood pools in one spot you’ll feel off.”  “I think I’m sick,” you sniff. Your sinuses are on fire, swollen and pulsing in your skull.  San sighs. The sort of illness plaguing you was not the type remedied by chicken noodle soup or ibuprofen. It was one that needed time and care and understanding. One that would flare up unexpectedly, inappropriately, uninvited.  Flinging back the covers you shriek as cold air hits you like a truck, grappling for the covers. Two strong warm arms scoop you up into the air as San carries you bridal style to the bathroom. “I think a bath will help,” he says, sitting you on the closed lid of the toilet.

 The running water in the empty tub is loud, thundering as it hits the basin. The loudness numbs your ears for a bit. You barely notice as San busies himself as you list to the side, leaning on the side of the sink. Everything still hurts. Your jaw hurts as you adjust it, seeing if you can relieve the pain circling your ears and throat.  Squatting to eye level smiles at you, trying to hide the flicker of concern in his eye. “Hey hon, i gotta take your shirt off.”  “Start with pants please!” You stick your legs straight out in front of you and wobble your feet. San obliges, taking care to wait for your toes to point so the fabric slips right off. Not that it’s particularly difficult, seeing as they’re a pair of ratty sweats.  The bath is half full as he scoops your shirt over your head, leaving you in just a pair of underwear. You shiver and stare at the steaming tub, arms crossing over your stomach and chest. He leans over to check the water temperature, back flexing under his white cotton shirt. Hugging yourself tighter you hate to compare yourself but can’t help it. A veritable god while you…well…your self evaluation faired far worse. The comparison stung each time you thought about it, each remembrance a tiny papercut on an unhealing body. Yet he was like a salve, patiently covering and waiting, unable to prevent but trying to ease what pain he could and somehow that burned you even more than the initial cut.  “I’m going to wash you,” he says slowly, waiting for your fierce objection. Instead you look up at him, mouth a straight line, and nod.  “My legs are hairy.”  He shrugs, turning to the water. “Okay.”  “I just thought you should know.”  “Do you want me to shave them?” He offers sincerely as he turns off the tap. Steam rising from the tub in soft curls, you let your eyes trace their outline as you think.  “Do you know how?”  He shrugs again, “can’t be more difficult than shaving my face.”  “Okay but they’re MY legs and YOUR hands. It’s a little different than doing it to yourself.” You can hear the tension in your own voice raising, almost to a forced laugh. The reaction feels strange and foreign even though it comes from your own body. Twisting on the lid of the toilet seat you dip your toe into the water. It’s hot, a little too hot. Your toe numbs quickly in the water, tingling as you withdraw it.  “It was just an offer, you can say no.” San helps you, sliding down your underwear, the last barrier between you and the elements.  “No, it-it sounds nice.” You stutter. Sighing as you slide yourself from your perch into the tub. The water burns but you need that. The cauterizing sear removes the sin. Or so you feel. Burn off the exoskeleton so you can feel again.  San looks concerned as you slip down into the water. “Isn’t it too hot?”  “I’ll get used to it.”

 Hugging your knees to your chest, the soft washcloth moves in slow concentric circles across and down your back. The gentleness with which San treats you hurts almost more than the sting of the cool air. Guilty isn’t the right word for the twist in your gut. The kindness just hurts sometimes.  “I love how soft your skin is when you’re fresh out of the shower.” San murmurs. “I love how the smell of soap and skin clings to you. I love how I’m the only one who gets to see these freckles on your back like this.” His list goes on as he cups handfuls of water to splash down your spine. He would bathe you all the time if you’d let him. The ritual is soothing and intimate. Every word he says a truth he rarely gets to voice without you complaining. When you are like this though, lulled into a docile state by the water, he can praise you as much as he wants.  “Feels nice,” you’re muffled by your own knees. Not like it is difficult to tell what you are saying.  San leans over the edge of your tub, kissing your shoulder softly, supporting your back as he lays you against the back of the tub. Working the washcloth down your arms and over you chest, you wince as he gets to your soft tummy.  “It’s exposure therapy, if its too much you can tell me.” San hopes you won’t tell him. The plush squish of your stomach is something he rarely can indulge in. Washcloth as a flimsy excuse his fingers glide over your buttery soft skin. He can feel your lungs hitch in anticipation so he presses harder. You’d figured that one out together, if he pressed harder you could tolerate it more. “You know how much I love soft things. I’m a connoisseur of soft things and you are the crown jewel of my findings.”  “That doesn’t help,” you mutter sourly. “What if I don’t want to be soft.”  San nods, there’s nothing to say to it. Instead he heads south, skimming past your clit, it’s not the point of today. Instead he focuses on your thighs, equally soft and plush as your stomach but more easily tolerated. You always complain how they hurt, that your hips are tense. Hips carry a lot of trauma. He half washes, half massages your thighs. Letting the soap lubricate his squeezed pulls of your muscle.  You moan, loudly. He can feel the thud of the knot in your quad as he presses past it. You moan again, slipping further into the tub So he does it again, and again, and again until you shudder and arch up, water splashing around you. “Did you just-”  “I don’t know-” you sit bolt upright, looking at each other shocked. “It felt really good.”  “Good to know.”

 You relax back again. Soft and pliant he treats you like a doll, limbs limp as he moves them. Holding your leg, the water drips on his cotton shirt, clinging semi-transparaent to his abs. Slowly he lathers your calve with shea butter infused soap, then wets the razor. Funnily enough he didn’t even care if your legs had hair or not. Really if any part of you had hair or not, he wouldn’t mind as long as it was you. But you liked the sleek touch so he was happy to oblige.  Another person shaving your legs is exceedingly strange. But it’s nice. You hate the process of hair removal but love the results. Laying back loosely, San takes more care than you ever would with your razor. He’s meticulous and methodical in his removal, particularly around your ankle bone, riddled with scars. You consider telling him that at this point your ankles are made of steel callus but the delicate way he lifts the pressure of the razor is endearing.  It’s almost more intimate than taking his cock. At least for San it is. He could so easily hurt you like you’d hurt yourself. It would be even easier for him, it wasn’t his skin that the razor’s edge was pressed against, he didn’t know the feeling, he could only watch and hope his pressure was enough but not too much. Knowing if he slipped the sting would be worse coming from a person who loved you instead of your own hands focused his wandering mind.  Giving into help wasn’t easy for you. Each time San places the razer to your ankle you have to remind yourself to relax. Using your full will to control the flex of your calves as he runs the length carefully. Even with his time and care one leg is done quickly, dipping back into the now lukewarm water as he retrieves the second leg. At least someone should love you even if you can’t.  “San?”  His face lifts, eyes sparkling, “yes dear?”  “I love you.”  Still holding your leg he leans sideways to kiss you ever so briefly. “I know you do.”

Sorry I had a hell of a couple of days and WAS NOT MONITORING and my queue broke. here’s to getting back on track. Sorry this wasn’t really smut????

[norikuna]

hey mamas 🙇‍♀️ for the “get to know your fic writer” — 3 , 4 , 6 , 11 (cause i need YOU to put me on YOUR fics 🤭) , 13 , 16 (cause im nosy….) , 21 , 23 & 24 (help a hg out), 25 (so i can glaze you), 32 , 39 , 59 , 60 , 64 , 65 (!!!)

okay i’ll get out of here now…

HEYY 🤩 ...i got this notif earlier and saw the no. of questions and decided to eat dinner first bc i needed to be SEATED and with my laptop out ❤️ you came to the right place bc im president and mayor of yap city

— 3. describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

i have like a little template in my drafts with my basic layout (like title, prologue, warnings, pairing etc and so on) and i just keep it to copy and paste for a new fic. and underneath the header and info section, i just outline messy dot points. and each dot point gets turned into a few paragraphs or a scene. and i always have some typa thesaurus open 😭

— 4. where do you find inspiration for ideas

oouh!! mostly song titles i think, i always use them as a jumping point. or actually i really love pinterest, and web-weaving type of posts when it comes to themes i wanna explore (mostly in sfw fics, as opposed to like short smut) 😁

— 6. do you have your work beta'd / how is this important to your process?

nope 😭 my drafts are always super messy and all over the place and im always a little self conscious esp since i jump between ideas and dialogue. BUT i am always yapping in peoples dms and talking abt ideas anyway or getting dialogue checked for clarity...

— 11. link your three favourite fics rn

omg! rent-a-dilf by @screampied i found it sooo charming and effortlessly engaging and also super fun even tho i've never played the sims.

i forgot to like this and add it to my queue so i took an hour to find this particular one, but what you know by @starmapz sukuna and reader are so well characterised and incredibly written! i also loved little yuuji and choso's cameos :(

and they were roommates by @sugoroo i loved it so bad, so EXCELLENT and the tension and smut had me on the edge of my seat. choso's made me laugh 😭

— 13. whats a common writing tip you always follow?

honestly it feels like a cop-out answer but i always try to remember 'unlearn shame' in my head. like when im writing, like for no reason, i get a bit embarrassed or self aware or im overthinking a sentence?? i just have to remember that it is just never that deep....😭

however, a better answer i think would be that for 99% of my fics (so excluding very short fluff, or straight up jackhammering smut) i always always do worldbuilding first. my favourite authors are j.r.r tolkien and george rr martin so middle earth/westerosi levels of high fantasy are massive inspirations when it comes to the grand scheme of creating a world for my characters to interact in.

also i rlly love mythology, folktales and medieval history so they always play a role in how i write or treat common themes. i think its super interesting and poignant at how some stories survive thousands of years and resonate across different cultures, and they remain classics for a reason <333 if that makes sense

like okay say! even in fics that aren't a part of some royal/fantasy/myth au right, like idk say im writing about gojo dying (rip king 😰) its obviously set within the jjk world in 2018, but i would try to see how the following works express the same theme of grief, battle, leaving a loved one behind:

the death of sigurd in the volsunga saga in norse myths

patroclus and achilles in the illiad

a medieval french epic called the song of roland, where roland's death is felt so strongly by his fiancee that she dies

tristan and isolde (tristan being mortally wounded n knowing that he will leave isolde behind, and she succumbs to grief)

the japanese folklore tale of the warrior tomoe gozen, and how she mourns her lord and lover

— 16. how many fic ideas are u nurturing? share one of them!

29! at the moment 😭 and watch me genuinely write like...2... but one of them that i havent even drafted much out yet, towards the end of the list is like geto x reader long fic (prob will have smut bc 😇) but its gonna be an alternative universe where reader is considered a saint/icon/mouthpiece of the gods and he's been marked for death (a warrior? or smth idk)

— 21. would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

i've never done it before but ofc! is this the start of user curtins and user creamflix collab.....

— 23. best writing advice for other writers?

sometimes u have to make sure you're sitting on your own and reading that dialogue out loud, or mouthing it. i'm writing shit and then speaking it afterwards. and i cant even stand to hear it bc no way would anyone ever say that.

— 24. worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

you can't start a sentence with 'and' like wtf okay....who said that. english is made up, all words are made up no one gaf if its not proper english, im allowed to do desi repatriations like this ig

— 25. what fic do you wish you got more of a response one?

hmm honestly, i did have an answer for this at first like 'oh yeah this one xyz i wish it got more notes' but that being said i feel like there's none that i feel truly flopped on par with how im improving writing and getting more comfortable. but! if i had to choose: goo goo muck #1 with the minotaur au because i rlly put some thought into how i could incorporate sukuna, yuji, and yuji's execution with the myth of the beast trapped in the maze.

and ditto! i think its my longest fic so far 😭 and it took me so long to plan out a timeline from childhood to gojo's death

— 32. name three of your favourite fanfic writers?

it would be poor form and incredibly remiss of me to not say user @creamflix 🤭 i really love how ur dialogue flows, and the way you describe scenes make me feel like i'm really there (a+ for me)

also @tonycries simply because every time i try my hand at smut, it takes me 4 days to think of something new, and i'm always wondering on how to reword shit so i'm not writing the same thing over and over, but they keep it soooo fresh and new with every fic and soooo well written!!

@kurooh i always find their smut fics sooo creative and fun, and their recent double fantasy fic was SAUUUUUR good!

— 39. share a snippet from a wip!

nay! mind you, this isn't even proofread so its still incredibly basic and thesaurus.com has not come out....but i tried a mildly different inspo approach and header. its very backstory and angst based for sukuna regarding his childhood, but sweet at the end i promise :(( IM CRYING. im seeing mistakes in this already, but i needed to give uraume my they/them baddie a cameo later in it

— 59. does anyone in your personal life know that you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

im cryinggggg. def not, unfortunately i can't let this get in the way of the public brand #coolgirl but it would go something like this

— 60. have you had a writer that you admire comment on your fic?

🫡 @madamechrissy who's writing my fave bridgerton fic, with duke!gojo commented on my vacation fic and i really did a giggle and kick in the air 😭

— 64. something you love to see in smut?

hmmmm my favourite thing is like when it isn't just pure smut if that makes sense, like setting, atmosphere, or cute banter is incorporated or clever wordplay. like you can feel the vibe of like where its set idk 😭

— 65. tell us what you're most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project?

i really want to improve and become more confident in different genres, like better smut that flows more without me having to stop and stare at a wall for ten minutes each time, or super cute fluff <333333

[olderthannetfic]

Apparently my fanfic helped someone in my readership realize he's agender because reading about a character who has zero attachment to the concept of gender, does not feel like any gender, doesn't care about pronouns being used for them and wants to dress any way they want without anyone gendering it really resonated with him and he did some soul-searching afterwards. And I love that for him, truly, I do. But what surprised me is that he really thought that "everybody but trans people" didn't like being associated with a gender, didn't feel like any gender, didn't care about pronouns and didn't have any attachment to the idea of gender. He thought we were all just going along with it because it's just what you do in society and everyone actually felt roughly the same as he did about it.

I was surprised, because although I'm neurodivergent, I had inferred fairly early on in life that people are pretty attached to these things on a genuine level. So I asked him how he arrived at that conclusion and he said that the way his very conservative, Republican family - which is mostly men, he was raised by his dad and grandfather, alongside his brothers - talked about being a man made it sound like an awful, arduous task that you have shoved onto you and can't escape but being a woman also sucked in similar ways according to them. Thus he arrived at the conclusion that nobody actually likes being a gender, you just have to put up with being one. And the fact that he had to put up with it was immensely depressing to him because he hated both of what he perceived as the available options.

Somehow my dinky little Reader POV fanfic where I made the Reader Character agender because I dislike how many Reader fics portray being an AFAB person who identifies as a woman... that little fanfic, without any ships in it, without any deep lore dives, without the things that this fandom usually likes, managed to plunge this reader into total gender euphoria because it made him pluck up the courage to wear something pink, let him know you don't have to be a man or a woman, and told him you're not a bad NB if you use any pronouns and you're AMAB.

And like... I know fandom is a shitty, hostile place a lot of the time. Especially in my fandom, it's a disaster. But reading the mountain of text he posted about how in the two weeks since he realized he's agender, his depression has lessened so much and he hasn't thought about suicide once... I think I remember why I got into writing in the first place, now. It's not just to tell fun stories. It's to tell fun stories about people that don't conform to the white cishetallo culturally Christian secular middle class able-bodied cookie-cutter bullshit that media is still drowning in. Because sometimes somebody is drowning and they think it's mandatory and fiction can tell them, "It's not, actually."

Nobody I know IRL likes the idea of fanfic because why write if you're not going to make money from it? But honestly I feel like this kind of moment has a value money can't really produce.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I just thought I'd briefly provide a small break from the sea of negativity in your inbox to share how fanfic and fandom can be good, instead of always being bad, as is so often the way fandom gets framed these days.

--