#he just b pushing ppl away

[soulsmashers]

          “do  i  look  like  i'm  joking?”  it  was  typical  of  him  to  get  defensive.  in  his  core,  tony  knew  that  kian  didn't  really  deserve  it,  but  it  was  easier  to  act  this  way  as  opposed  to  taking  responsibility  for  his  own  actions.  what  he  really  needs  is  a  proper  punch  to  the  face,  but  the  odds  of  anyone  going  that  route  with  him  and  slim  to  none.  “see,  that's  the  thing.  one  moment  you're  gonna  wanna  be  here  for  me,  the  next  you'll  get  sick  of  me.  i'm  just  trying  to  save  you  the  time  in  between  it  all.  i  mean,  you're  a  good  looking  guy,  you  know?  i'm  sure  plenty  of  other  people  who  aren't  constantly  in  and  out  of  rehab  would  definitely  give  you  the  time  of  day.”  that  was  about  as  real  as  he  could  get.  “i'm  just  not  sure  why  you  wanna  waste  your  time  with  me,  is  all.”

"are you serious right now?" not a real question, tone laced with slight irritation. his typical chill demeanor slipping for only a second. getting mad is useless, knows he needs to be understanding. kian takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he listens. "damsel in distress? this isn't a fairy tale and i'm definitely not a prince," a quick chuckle slips into the air surrounding them. he pauses, pondering to himself. "i'm just trying to be there for you." he shrugs. "what that means, you get to decide."

[unproduciblesmackdown]

among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically

& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.

obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?

anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"

[transfemlogan]

Logan Sanders loves abstract art .

[gh0stsp1d3r]

rafe cameron as a baby daddy who doesnt allow u to talk to other ppl

stop i love this, I kinda changed it so reader only talks to people who he lets her (: so like absolutely no pouges

𝒟ℴ𝓃𝓉.

Masterlist

Warnings: dark!rafe, sorta controlling behavior, he’s not a good daddy, gun pointing at Sarah again sorry girlie, gun flashing that’s it rlly,

+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*

Rafe had little rules when it came to the new house. But there was two he always put emphasis on.

1. Don’t open the door for him, wait it out.

2. Don’t talk to people he doesn’t give you permission to talk to, or people he doesn’t like. No strangers, no pogues.

He walked around, pacing the living room while on the phone. He whispered so he didn’t wake the baby who you just got to fall asleep.

“That’s not what I fucking said!” He said, voice rising in volume until he looked back down the hallway and realized his mistake, the baby awoke with a loud cry.

You gave him a look, a look he knew by now. He quietly walked out and went onto the porch with a sigh.

“Sh. Sh…” you mumbled, picking her up and gently rocking her in your arms.

Today was going to be long.

+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*

Rafe was out, he mumbled he’d be back and he was going with a friend. You believed him when you saw Topper coming out the car.

Finally, the baby had been sleeping again. You fed her and Rafe gave her a shower. It was night now, and you just switched on the tv, turning it down and curling up on the couch.

You ended up falling asleep, that was until a harsh and loud knock came from the door.

“Open the fuck up, Rafe!” She shouted, you furrowed an eyebrow. You knew that voice. Sarah Cameron, Rafes sister. He despised her.

You rubbed your eyes out of tiredness, the baby would wake if she keeps it up, you thought. And that was the last thing you wanted.

But if you opened the door and talked to the pogues, Rafe would be livid. But as soon as you heard her let out a small cry, you weren’t thinking and got up quickly.

“Hello?” You grumbled out, opening the door. her knocks stopped when she saw your face.

“Oh. Shit. I’m- I’m sorry. I forgot he had a-“

She was cut off by a cry, making you groan.

“He’s not here.”

“Where is he?” A blonde haired boy asked, lightly pushing Sarah.

“I don’t know. Can I please just go-“ You lied. You did know.

“We’re really sorry, but it’s really important. You have to understand-“

“I’m not telling a bunch of kids where my boyfriend is so you guys can go beat him up or something. Sorry. If you’ll excuse me, I have a baby to take care of.” You closed the door, leaving them dumbfounded.

“Does Rafe have a baby?” John B asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I didn’t know that.” Sarah mumbled.

“I’m more shocked Rafe has had a girlfriend this long.”

They stood there, waiting for him. You didn’t even notice them after you left.

They didn’t know however, that he had a little camera installed, where he was watching on his phone.

You didn’t think about it until you went back into the nursery to try and get her to sleep again.

“Shit.” You mumbled under your breath.

“I gotta go, man. I’ll see you later.” Rafe said to his friend suddenly, standing up and saying his goodbyes.

He practically raced towards his house, looking back on his phone to see them all talking and just waiting at his front door.

He got out the car and they all went towards him.

“Never fucking come here again.” He was seething with anger when they came up to him.

They all began to talk over each other to him, in anger.

“Shut up!” He shouted, hands moving towards his waistband. They all didn’t, and one of them went to go punch him but they just ended up on the floor.

“Get the fuck away from my house. Leave.” He flashed his gun now.

“We’re not fuckin’ leaving-“ his sister began to argue.

He pointed it at Sarah, one of the boys going in front of her.

“You didn’t tell me you had a baby.” She spoke from behind the boy.

“Leave. Or I will fucking kill every single one of you. Was all he said, putting the gun down and walking towards his home, ignoring them. His gun still in hand as he opened the door.

They walked away, defeated but with a new plan. He was dripping with anger when he entered the house.

“What did I tell you?” He asked you, before you could say anything.

“I know, I know, but I-“

“There was a reason I didn’t want them knowing you or her.” He motioned to the nursery room. He walked closer, gently grabbing your face and looking into your eyes, wiping the hair from your forehead.

“There’s a reason why you can’t talk to them.”

“I know. But they woke her up and I didn’t-“

“You talked to dirty fuckin’ pogues. They know you exist and they know she exists.” His hands were trembling, you noticed.

You slowly grabbed the gun from his hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t want anything happening to my girls, that’s all.” His voice was shaky, his hands still on your face as he searched your eyes.

“I’m sorry. I know. I love you. We’ll be perfectly fine, okay?” You put your forehead on his, he nodded, his breathing calming down.

“I love you.”

[scribe-of-hael]

The complicated life of Starscream

Tw: mentioned of Abuse/abusive Realtionships

I think whats interesting is the dynamic that Starscream has with Megatron in some ways. Because seems like no matter WHAT Starscream does. Being helpful ,loyal, or being backstabbing and sneaky.

Megatron finds a way to abuse him. That comes back around to the idea of , "No matter what you do, your abuser will never be happy and find new ways to be upset at you."

This is shown pretty well in TFP. Where Starscream trys to break free, be on his own. He struggles, even looses his Tcog in the process but he is a problem to everyone. The switch between his loyalty form s2 to s3 is a bit drastic. He is, very clearly, trying to do what Megatron asks of him and never once trys to go behind his back again.

Yet, even for a simple mistake, he is beaten. Megatron is completely incapable of trusting Starscream fully (reasonable) but Starscream is never going to be able to please Megatron fully either. Megatron doesn't know how eles to communicate with Starscream that isn't violent because that's how he responses, to violence and fear.

Starscream isn't perfect in TFP, he's killed Bots (as he told us repeatedly about Cliff jumper) , but everyone was someone before the war. I always wondered what he was like?

That and the fact Starscream mimics Megatron's abusive behavior in order to try and get respect. He HITS people , somtimes with little reason. He shoves and even belittled those who have actively tried to help him and show him concern (Knockout). Somtimes it works, most times it doesn't. He knows fear and violence works on him, why wouldn't it work in others ?

It's kinda a real thing, a friend who has these problems , basically puffing out their chest and bullying people close to them in order to get a sense of power and control that they normally don't have.

It comes down to Control and Safety.

Alot of times, in IDW Starscream does become a leader of Cybertron but almost always finds a way to sabotage himself. Why? He's traumatized. Conditioned to think he can not be anymore than what he was, what Megatron thought he was and what ppl think he is.

Bumblebee even calls this out, and in a fit of emotion, Starscream says its because he is Alone. No one is there to protect or vouche for him. (Which isn't fully true but that's his reality, how he sees it)

In order to keep himself safe, Starscream has defense mechanisms and coping strategies that are built to protect himself. He lies, he backstabs, he starts shit, he is combative even verbally when he doesn't even need to be. These strategies that were once used to help him, now make life difficult when ppl are trying to be there for him. Pushing people away, trying to give the illusion of control and dominance.

Rounding back to TFP, there was a theory i saw, (I think so, but in pretty sure I'm not the only one who thought of this anyway) that in RID, Starscream puts back in his old armor or parts of his frame from before.

My theory was that Starscream in TFP looks alot like Megatron in terms of color. Why go from a blue, white and red color to grey ? And was the armor even off him in the first place ?

My theory is Megatron purposely stripped him of parts of his own body, to make him both smaller and physically more vulnerable. Being a good representation of an Abuser stripping away who a person is, will all is left is the then vulnerable and under their control.

To add intop of it, in s3, its clear Starscream is loyal. The bot trys to go get Megatron or attack the autobots for killing him. Shockwave has to DRAG him away. In the movie, he STILL flinches at Megatron's movement towards him depsite him saying he "now knows what oppression is". FLYS AWAY & LEAVES HIM BEHIND.

This Starscream still has Decpeticon values, has only ever served Megatron for Millions of years, is still clearly afraid of his abuser and atm purpose to keep going. And he just LEAVES. Leaving Starscream to pick himself of being confused, scared and no idea what to do i'm sure.

Not to mention Megatron never once got anything done to him for all the pain and suffering he ever cause ld. He basically got off scotch free. Which to me, reflects the injustice some ppl feel and get when an abuser just leaves you in the mess THEY made and you get NOTHING from it. No justice, no recompense, no apology. You have to figure out how to BE without them.

Point is that Starscream is a complicated character in media. Different versions to show case this behavior. What i hope to see in the future, what I pray for, is seeing Starscream not only be able to break free of this cycle. But become more than what he thinks he is, what anyone thinks he is.

[pumpkinsy0]

(TW: Overdosing and possible death??)

I know this idea is a little dark, but do you know if you’d be able to Curly and the Gang’s reaction to Ponyboy accidentally overdosing on Asprin? You’re like… the only creator I know that actually recognizes that he had that problem 😭😭

tw\cw drug talk and overdosing obviously☝🏽

OK SO i kind of already made a post talking about what would happen if they found out and its riggghhhttt here so for this one ill just more so explain what would happen, how everyone is doin in the hospital, that kinda thing

but bc im NICE ill let him live

•i think something wouldve triggered pony into depending on it more, he canonically uses the aspirin to help him sleep at night so maybe at first he starts having trouble sleeping and ups his doses just a bit to try

•just like in canon, neither darry nor soda even realize this happening, they notice that the bottle is finishing faster but theyve never seen pony take more than one and they live in a house w 4 other ppl, they just think its them

•however ppl, especially curly, notices pony getting sick, they dont know it but hes suffering side effects, pony vomits, his hearing is shit, gets some stomach pains and is kinda nauseated, but pony just says hes just coming down w something, but generally, he CAN push through that

•but one day pony felt ESPECIALLY worse, he was experiencing those side effects by like ten fold, he felt like he got hit w a truck and he was sm more irritable, bit for some reason ponys just,,,rlly well at hiding how sick he is, to some degree he doesnt even realize that!!!!

•anyways, either it was at school or it was at home and someone heard a big thump, he passed out and he looked rlly pale, he was a bit clue, and he was gurgling and had tiny pupils, BUT he was beeathing

•after that point, nobody could tell u what happened in between them finding out about pony and them getting to the hospital, not a singular soul

•now at the hospital, ponys still passed out, so darry and soda r not leaving ponys side, havent showered, havent eaten a full meal, theyre a mess

•and depending on how old u wanna make pony here, darry could b worrying about the social worker and pony and soda being taken away

•while pony didnt die, he did get close, so nobody but immediate family was allowed to see pony for a while, so there was always a group of boys out in the waiting room, sometimes w gifts

•tim found out before curly did and he REALLY didnt wanna b the one to tell curly

[dawnbreakersgaze]

OK ok... weird suggestion but... what if Zayne likes the thought of PDA, but doesn't show it/do it because once he has his hands on you, he'll either, A.) Get really nervous in public and doesn't want to mess it up for you & himself and as a result of that have ppl judge him, or because of B.) Because he'll take it too far...? 👀

Like I think a lot about that line in Business Trip where after he meets MC at the train station and he's just looking at her, yknow, ogling her, eyeing her up & down, and MC is just like ?!?!?! Why isn't he doing anything?!?!?! But then when he gets home with MC, we all know he's like super touchy n shit and says that line, "What would you have liked me to do in front of all of those people, hmm?"

Like to me, that says he knows he would've LOVED to kiss MC or something, but if he did he probably would've lost control bent her over on the train platform LMAO

Like I know he loves his privacy with MC so he can do anything with her without the eyes of the public judging them, but like after that Tutorial card... it has me thinking he wouldn't mind taking her in public if he could... 👀 hehe

I cannot remember who it was that suggested this (maybe @wolfofcelestia ???) that narrative-wise we're slowly seeing Zayne get more and more comfortable (aka braver) with PDA as his relationship with mc goes on. Because if you compare the brief physical contact in Nostalgic Sweetness when she grabs his chin (and he gets all huffy and flustered with her and grabs her hand away) vs the Tutorial where he's literally scooping her into his arms for a full on make out only to have her push him back down and then he's like "Ah naw you dont" and pulls an Uno Reverse on her and slides between her legs and pins her to the table (where people could walk in)?!?!

Like I genuinely think this is character growth and it looks soooo good on our man. We gotta remember that she is his first relationship EVER so I think a lot of it is what you said with him just not really knowing. Yeah he's private and reserved but also he doesn't know what he's comfortable with because he hasn't experienced it yet. So it stands to reason some of that will change as his experiences do as well. Zayne has some pretty incredible levels of self-control when he chooses to use them (which he can be very bad about), so your idea could also play into it a bit as well. The longer he's with mc the more we see him slipping in terms of letting his guard down. He's becoming softer, more playful, rising to her bait on purpose. He's wilfully engaging in her childish antics far more often now and it's freaking adorable and opening him up to a lot more of these kinds of moments.

But that's just my 1 am opinions 😅

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Lakeside naps

Barbie dolls: Peacekeeper! Coriolanus x gn!Covey!Reader

Word: 6.4k

Summary: you get nightmares after the games all Abt your mentor dying in front of you and when you catch a glimpse of him in the crowd you freak

Warnings: nightmares, death, blood, guns, the games™️, uh private snow is like chill with ppl seeing him with a covey bc I'm too lazy to write that conflict, before coryo loses his shit so he still has friends, him and Lucy Gray are besties in the in-law sense, you and the Covey are tight, 🤞besties for the resties, you scratch yourself on oopsies so like accidental self harm ig idk man, panic attacks and trauma kinda, nausea mentioned, you play an instrument now cuz you're Covey, yeah that's it

You hadn't thought of life after the Games when your name was called. You decided right then and there, that was the sound of your name getting etched into a gravestone. The stone your family would all surround and leave brightly colored flowers on.

You shakily made it up to the stage not daring to meet anyone's eyes. Standing next to the mayor you stared at all the faces of the Covey watching you in horror.

A scream to the left shocked you out of your self-pity. You looked over to see a man you knew always dropped something in your basket at the Hob pulling a thrashing Maude Ivory back into the crowd. She wasn't nearly old enough to have her name in the drawing, thank the stars. She yanked and pulled at the man, trying to run towards you. You hated being a whim to your nature, but you still cried out her name in response. Maude Ivory paused her movements, holding still in the man's arms. Two peacekeepers noticed all the hustle and bustle, holding onto your arms to pull you away. 

“I’ll be okay! I'll be fine! Just keep singing, baby! Keep your head high!” You screamed at Maude Ivory. You struggled against the hold of the Peacekeepers.

You weren't sure if you've ever hated the Capitol more than in that moment. With Lucy Gray pushing people out of the way to pull Maude Ivory from the man's arms and hold Maude to her rainbow dress. With Peacekeepers’ fingers digging into the skin of your arm. With the guarantee of your death pinned to your shirt as you were now a tribute. With all the struggle you put in to make it where you were now, thrown out the window for a little Capitol enjoyment. 

In the moment it all seemed bleak. Later in the arena it was still really fucking bleak but you knew you had at least one person in your corner. Your mentor, Coriolanus. With each moment of the game, you kept the Covey and home out of your head. You couldn't bear to think of what they were feeling if they got to reach the TV signal. You didn't think about what it would be like to go home. You thought of him. Thankfully he was rather attractive so thinking about him wasn't anything difficult.

When you won, you thought of him more. He saved your life, technically. Coriolanus cheated for you, you knew that. Holding the compact in your hands was enough evidence of that. You didn't know what that meant for him but you knew one thing. You got to go home. On the travel back to 12, you thought of everything. 

You thought of your home, though a little shabby it was better than most people in District 12 had. It was warm with the love of all your family. You couldn't wait to get back into some clean bright clothes and sing on stage again.

You thought of how Maude Ivory would lose her mind. You thought of how CC would show you all the cool things he scavenged, fun feathers, shiny rocks, and a bottle cap from thirty years ago he found in the mud. At least that's what you would imagine he found in the time you were gone. You thought of Barb Azure sitting you down and telling you of all her romantic drama that you missed. You thought of Tam Amber pulling you into a hug. He didn't need to tell you anything you just needed to be held in your family's arms for a few minutes. You thought of Lucy Gray rattling on about all the songs she had been working on. 

You thought of Coriolanus. What happened to him? Did he get caught? Was he already getting ready for University? Was he thinking of you? Did you mean as much to him as he meant to you? Did he even really care that you won besides the fact that it meant he won, too? He was so hard to get a read on. You gave up on trying to figure out what happened to him. Your life in the Capitol was over and therefore any relationships that spawned from it were over, romantic or not. 

When you did get home, you got the warmest welcome you could've ever imagined. The sky was clear thankfully, you worried about the rain soaking through your clothes. The rain must've noticed how important this day was for you because it held back its downpour.

When you stomped up the wooden steps, knocking on the door like it wasn't your own home, you heard yelling. The first one out the door was Maude Ivory. She came barreling towards you, her arms in the air and a laugh radiating off her body. You quickly scooped her up and hugged her tightly. She relaxed in your arms, letting out a muffled cry into your shirt. 

“I told you I'd be fine, didn't I?” you asked. You were lying when you told her that over her screams. Now you were going to say it was just intuition. You'll take credit for that. Maude Ivory pulled back and wiped at her face. She nodded. 

“Yes. I'm so glad you're back.” She whispered pulling on your dirty clothes. You worried there was still blood somewhere on them but the sound of a herd of feet rushing through the house washed away your worries. 

You heard the back screen door slam its wooden frame against the wall. By the footsteps of the runner, you could tell it was Barb Azure making her way around the wrap-around porch. She crashed into you soon after, flinging you to the wooden planks. You laughed on the ground, hugging her back. You both sat up as she started speaking a mile a minute about how happy she was to see you again. You ignored the pain in the back of your head from crashing, much more concerned with the growing appearances of your family. 

CC and Tam Amber were next, falling to their knees and scooting closer to you. Tam Amber pulled you into a hug just like you knew he would. CC was tugging on your arm in excitement. You couldn't catch up to his words but you caught ‘rock’, ‘actually a geode’, ‘bright blue’, and ‘fluffy’. You didn't bother trying to come up with the meaning. 

Lucy Gray was last, dropping her guitar to the ground a little too hard in your opinion. She pulled you into a tight hug, kissing all over your head and clutching you to her chest. You laughed and pulled away, holding your arms out to all of your family's bright eyes. You couldn't imagine being happier than when you were held in a giant group hug from them all. 

Your first night back you couldn't sleep, like your body weren't sure if you were out of the arena yet. Lucy Gray stayed up with you, trying to lull you to sleep with songs.

It didn't work until the third night. You had clutched onto her tight she didn't even bother trying to leave your bed. Lucy Gray stopped her song when your breathing was slow and you stopped wiggling around. She fell asleep holding you to her chest and she felt a stone leave her shoulders at the thought of you finally being comfortable back home. 

That was the first night you realized you were never leaving the Games. You might be out of the arena but your mind would always have that stain of blood on it.

The colorful snakes were wrapping around your body, holding you to a chair. You gasped as one started to wrap around your throat. It started to tighten as a light turned on the other side of the room.

There he was, your mentor Coriolanus tied to a chair. He flung his head up, his hair falling out of place and his red uniform dissolved as he thrashed against the restraints. Your hands flashed to the snake around your throat as a gun pressed to his temple. You tried to scream and pull away but you weren't successful, the snakes pulled on your skin and cut off your air supply. You were positive you were going to have bruises if you managed to survive. You couldn't even gasp with the snake around your neck tightening more. As the snake opened its mouth and lunged to bite your neck the gun went off. 

You screamed as you sat up in the bed, trying to scramble away from Coriolanus’ headless body and the snakes. Lucy Gray bolted up from the mattress, searching for the trouble around the room. You hit your head on the wall as you kept pushing yourself back, pulling at the snakes around your arms and neck. Your hands came back empty. 

“Off! Get them off! Help Lucy Gray! Please! Get them off me!” You screamed continuing to pull at the colorful scales. Lucy Gray reached out and pulled your hands away, cupping your face. 

“There's nothing on you, you're safe. You're not in the arena. It's okay.” Lucy Gray said. Your breath came back to your lungs as you came into your surroundings again. Coriolanus’ brains weren't splattered on your wall. There were no snakes. You were home in your bed.

Lucy Gray scooted next to you and pulled your head to her chest. You clutched onto her as you slowly came back into your body. Your cheeks were wet and your arms and throat were stinging. When you glanced down at your arms you realized you had scratched yourself in efforts to pull the snakes off. Lucy Gray started humming and rocking you back and forth. You sighed against her, impossibly glad you were home. 

“He died.” You whispered. Even if it was a part of your nightmare it doesn't mean it was any less plausible. The Capitol was bloodthirsty, if they found out about what he did for you he'd be dead in seconds. Lucy Gray tutted and rubbed your shoulder. 

“No, no. He's just fine. Up in the Capitol, getting ready for the University of his dreams. He's not in any trouble. You don't need to worry about him, that was just your dream.” Lucy Gray said, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You knew she had absolutely no idea whether or not Coriolanus was okay but his words still helped soothe your heart. You wiped at your face while staying in her hold. The bedroom door flung open and Lucy Gray’s humming stopped. The rest of the Covey were dressed in their pajamas, each with their own weapon. 

Tam Amber was wielding a pan. He looked around the room, swishing it around like he could catch the offender off guard. Barb Azure must’ve followed him to the kitchen to find a weapon because she was holding a knife at her side. CC had his hands raised up like a ninja, hopping around the room in a strange stance. Maude Ivory was holding a stray guitar string between her hands. You wondered if she thought of using it as a garrote and if so where did she get that idea? 

“It was just a nightmare, you all can go back to sleep.” You said, watching as they all dropped their shoulders in relaxation. Maude Ivory dropped one side of the string. She stepped closer to the bed, staring at you severely. 

“Was it about the Capitol?” She asked. You nodded, feeling another wave of tears choke on the back of your throat. Maude Ivory sighed. 

“I’m okay now Maude, just go back to bed.” You reassured, pulling away from Lucy Gray. You just needed Maude Ivory to go to sleep already. She gets grumpy without enough sleep. Maude Ivory shook her head and climbed up into the bed with you. Barb Azure went around the group, collecting their weapons, and left the room. CC and Tam Amber ventured closer to the bed, like slowly inching toward a wounded and scared dog. Maude Ivory pulled you into a hug. 

“I just want you to be okay, I wish they never sent you into that stupid Capitol.” Maude Ivory said into your shoulder. You returned the hug. You shouldn’t feel guilty for scaring Maude Ivory. You still do. You hummed and pressed your cheek against the top of her messy hair. 

“I’ll be okay, sweetheart. My brain is just scared because it thinks I’m still there. I’ll be okay.” You said, petting down the knot of hair at the back of her head. You should start braiding her hair before bed this is a hot mess. Maude Ivory hums and pulls back slightly. CC stood in front of you reaching his hand out for you. You held onto it. 

“Are you sure? You can talk to us. Promise, you can tell us anything.” CC said. If the arena was different, if your choices were different, if being a tribute was something entirely different than it was, you could’ve shared. It’s not as simple as that. Telling a 12 and 8-year-old you helped in the murder of children, just isn’t the same as telling them you had a bad dream about getting eaten by a shark. You can’t tell CC that though, instead giving him a smile and nodding. Barb Azure joined the informal family gathering with no weapons this time. 

“I’m fine, CC. I just made a friend while I was there and I had a bad dream he got hurt, that's all. I’m okay.” You assured, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand. CC wasn’t nearly as skeptical as Tam Amber. CC smiled and accepted your answer. Tam Amber raised an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his body. Barb Azure noticed the twist of the attitude in the air. 

“Okay come on, kiddos. We have a big day tomorrow. Time to get to bed.” Barb Azure said, shooing CC and Maude Ivory out of the room to their shared room. There were only three bedrooms so it was usual to share. You and Lucy Gray shared, your beds on either side of the room. Lucy Gray had joined you in yours after the first night of insomnia. Tam Amber and Barb Azure shared. As Tam Amber stared you down, you wished he was a heavier sleeper. Barb Azure joined the room again, saying CC and Maude Ivory were tucked into bed. Tam Amber sat down on the bed next to you, taking your hand into his and staring at you. Barb Azure sat on the ground in front of you, looking up at you. 

“Tell us, everything. If you have to carry the weight of the Games, so do we. Maybe CC and Maude get to stay ignorant but we don’t. If it hurts you this way we need to know in order to help.” Tam Amber said. You sighed and leaned into his side.

Lucy Gray, Barb Azure, and Tam Amber all listened intently as you told them everything. Step by step. Every detail you could remember. Every single detail. By the end of it, Barb Azure was pressing a hand to her mouth to keep her nausea down. Lucy Gray was holding your arm to her chest like she was scared her name was about to get called. Tam Amber had hidden his head behind your shoulder. 

It took a lot of strength but you were so glad you shared. It made the weight easier. You could breathe a little easier. They were all supportive of you.

Maude Ivory and CC were helpful in their childish and innocent ways. It helped you see the light of your situation. Sure maybe you were a murderer but your cousins would’ve been devastated if you had died.

Tam Amber understood when you just wanted to be quiet, not alone, just quiet. You’d both sit in comfortable silence. Silence was rare with Covey around but the others stayed quiet when they passed by the silent room. Maude Ivory even tiptoed.

Barb Azure understood when you just needed to think about something else, talking animatedly about all the drama and gossip floating around town. All her troubles and simple things to keep your thoughts on something else.

Lucy Gray knew all the messy parts of life after the Games. The nightmares, the cries, the screams, all the pain. Tam and Barb knew too of course but not like her. She held you through the nightmares, singing to relax you. She’d take you out to the meadow to let you scream, throw rocks, and kick trees. She comforted you when your foot hurt from kicking trees. 

Finally, the Covey got their gig at the Hob back. Really you never lost it but apparently, the rest of the Covey couldn’t handle singing on a stage without your presence.

You felt like you were getting back into your life when you stepped up onto the stage. The band felt lively as everyone’s sounds were harmonizing again. You were so happy your talent with your instrument didn’t disappear with the stability of your mind and innocence. Your smile returned and you felt at home. More than you did when your family knocked you to the wooden planks of your front porch.

As you played your instrument with your whole heart glad you were back in with the band. All the sounds of your family playing a sound that made the audience dance along. You stuck to Tam Amber’s side, glad he floated towards the back wall. Not that you didn’t trust your back with your family but the anxiety from that stupid arena made you feel like someone might sneak up behind you. You moved along with the song, a slight dance in your step as you kept playing. Tam Amber gave you a smile, glad to see you comfortable. 

You returned the smile, looking away from him to drag the smile to the audience’s faces. You kept your slight dance, a bob really.

The audience was always a mixture of all kinds of people. Starving miners who just want to get drunk and dance, mothers and fathers with sleeping kids at home keeping their drinks down to a minimum, and even some peacekeepers from the base on the edge of town. You glanced around at the faces.

You saw the man who held back Maude Ivory, smiling as bright as you’ve ever seen him. He was probably happy to see the whole Covey family together again. You saw two peacekeepers dance with each other, laughing loudly even if their steps are messy. A woman was tap dancing in the corner. You would’ve laughed at that but you were just glad she was happy tap dancing in worker boots on dirt floors. Your smile grew as you saw your home dancing around to the music you were making. As you looked over at another group of people, your eyes snagged on a familiar face. 

He was bobbing up and down. His head was shaved and his lips were trying to smother the smile on his face. He wasn’t in his red uniform anymore, instead casual clothes you knew the peacekeepers were issued. Even with all the changes you knew it was him.

Coriolanus saw you and gave you a small smile. You didn’t smile back, your hands stalling on your instrument. Him being here could only mean one thing. No, two things. No, too many things.

He was dead and haunting you for technically being the reason for his death. He actually wasn’t there and you have officially lost your mind. You were hallucinating. He was here to get revenge on you for being the reason he got banished to District 12. The Games were still on no matter which one it was. 

Your smile and instrument fell at the same time. You gasped for air as you felt the walls closing in on you. He was coming to kill you. Everyone else in the crowd was on his side. You ducked down behind Tam Amber, pressing your palms into your ears to stop the rapid heartbeat ringing in them.

Tam Amber ditched the tune he was plucking out, squatting next to you and shielding you from the audience. He rubbed your back, whispering in your ear all the things Lucy, Barb, and Tam realized helped ground you. Your name. Your family’s names. Your home. Your current location, and simple reassurances that calmed your breathing.  

As your breathing came back to you, you noticed how there was no music behind you. Your name was being yelled over and over again by someone off to the side. The crowd’s laughter and enjoyment had been deduced to murmurs.

You lifted your head and looked around you. Your back was to the audience and your entire family was staring at you with concern. Their song was left behind, your health is more important than keeping the audience entertained. You furrowed your eyebrows at the yells to your side. It wasn’t your family, they were all whispering reassurances. You pulled yourself onto your knees, looking over Tam Amber’s head to find the voice. Coriolanus was pawing at the edge of the stage, calling your name so many times it started to lose its meaning. 

Worry was etched into his face, staring at you like he just watched you get stabbed. You ducked back into the huddle of Covey colors. You started muttering to yourself about the dangers. You’ve definitely lost your marbles. You started to lose track of your breathing again, getting worked up over his hidden plans. You lunged and latched onto Lucy Gray’s shoulders, startling her. 

“He’s going to kill me. He’s here for revenge. Gutted like a fish, gutted gutted. I killed him, he’s haunting me.” You felt like you were wrapped up in another nightmare, tugging at the snakes around your throat again. Tam Amber and Barb Azure latched onto your hands, stopping you from scratching anymore. Lucy Gray gripped onto your cheeks holding you steady. 

“He is not going to hurt you. He saved you remember? You’re not in the Games, you survived. You’re home. You’re in the Hob. Remember?” Lucy Gray asked, taking your hand and pressing it against the wooden stage in District 12. Not the concrete covered in blood in the Capitol.

You took in a deep breath, feeling every set of eyes on you. Maybe they should all see this. Watch you lose your shit so they remember the Games are nothing to enjoy. Not that many people from 12 cared much for them anyway. Your eyes snapped over to Coriolanus. 

Would a vengeful spirit look so concerned over your pain? You doubted it. You didn’t dare stumble to your feet, the chance of falling far too high. Your head was still light from the lack of oxygen. You slowly started to crawl towards the edge of the stage, leaving your huddle of Covey warmth to venture towards the possibility of the real Coriolanus Snow in front of you.

Coriolanus jumped over the lip of the stage, inching towards you on the wooden panels. You stopped halfway there, letting him come to you. He slowed as he reached you, holding his hand out like an offering. You wrapped it in yours, making sure he wasn’t a ghost or hallucination, or what have you. Coriolanus took this as a good sign, sliding across the floor to saddle up next to you. He watched as you pulled your attention to his face. You reached out and held onto his cheek. Coriolanus leaned into it before he could stop himself. 

“Are you alright?” He whispered. You shook your head in disbelief as your hand traveled from his cheek to his eyebrow, nose, hairline, and lips. You pulled your fingertip over the both of them, resting in on his chin. 

“Are you real?” You muttered back, watching his lips to see if they didn’t move right. Coriolanus let out a laugh at that, showing his teeth at you. 

“Yes, I am.” He said, gently tapping your jawline, making you tilt your chin up. You shook your head, it couldn’t make less sense. He was Capitol through and through, there was no way he would set that down for District 12. 

“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be getting ready for university in the fall?” You ask, reaching out for his face again. You held on to the sides of his head, running them back to run over his incredibly short hair. Coriolanus smiled at you, tilting his head back with your hands. 

“They caught me cheating. They sent me to 8 but I made them send me here. I could see you then, at least that's what I hoped. Here you are.” He said, pulling your hands away from his head and holding them to his chest. You frowned. 

“So now you’re stuck as a peacekeeper for what? 15? 20? 25 Years? All because you wanted to get that prize, you lost it.” You pressed your lips into a thin line and tried to hold back the guilt you felt. He shook his head, bringing your hands to his lips. He kissed each of your knuckles. 

“I didn’t lose anything. I wanted you to win, to live. I’m holding you in my hands right now, alive and well. All things considered, I’ve won.” Coriolanus said, pulling you closer to him. You shook your head. 

“I don’t know about the 'well' part. I’m not exactly adapting well to life outside the arena.” You said, glancing over at your family staring at you. Watching your every move in case of a call for help. You gave them a small smile. Tam Amber raised an eyebrow. You nodded and the Covey moved to stand up. Lucy Gray made her way to the mic, making up a softer version of what was happening. 

“What! You? No way! That panic attack from just seeing me wasn’t a sign at all. Or a hit to my ego, to be perfectly frank.” Coriolanus joked. You snorted, knocking your head against his shoulder. 

“It was a bit of a shock. I miss your curls they were so pretty.” You said and dragged your hands over his buzz cut again. Coriolanus was smiling at you, letting you explore the new short hair. You shook your head and dropped your hands to his cheeks. 

“Do you hate it that much?” He asked, cupping your cheeks. You leaned into his palm, smiling at the contact. 

“No, no. I like it. You came to 12, for me?” You asked, catching up to his words. Coriolanus nodded. 

“Why?” You asked. Coriolanus pulled his hands away from your face, resting on your forearms. Coriolanus’ smile faltered. He gave you a half-shrug, looking away from your face. 

“I care for you. I want to keep you safe and stay with you.” Coriolanus said, tightening his hold on your arms. You wrapped your arms around him, pressing your ear to his chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

“I’m glad you’re here, I missed you.” You whispered into his shirt. Coriolanus hugged you back. Eventually, you pulled apart and you left the emptying Hob. Apparently the mess of your outburst and a peacekeeper hugging a Covey? Well, that’s unheard of.

You were shocked when the town seemed to stay quiet about the whole thing. Not silent, you weren’t sure they could do that. Quiet.

When you went into town to pick up some groceries with Lucy Gray, plenty of passersby stopped to ask if you were feeling any better. One even said he hoped you and your peacekeeper friend were both doing okay. ‘What a reunion! Hope he made it back to the base before curfew. See and that’s-‘ and then he started a rant about how strange youngins and military rules were. You were finally able to slip away from the conversation after saying you heard someone calling you. 

As you stared at the produce counter, deciding which vegetables you should get, someone joined you at your side. You ignored them, still not sure which ones were worth the performances the Covey had to put on in order to get this money. 

“Personally I’d get the potatoes, but tomatoes always add a nice garnish to things.” You’d recognized the voice a thousand miles away. You looked at him, smiling just at the sight of him. 

“Why Private Snow, don’t you have duties to attend to?” You joked, handing over a few coins for three potatoes. You added them to your bag, walking away from the stand. Just as you expected, Coriolanus followed after you. 

“Oh no it’s a free day. I’m just supposed to stay with Sejanus. We have to adhere to the buddy system. It’s ridiculous.” Coriolanus shook his head at the annoyance. You spotted Lucy Gray at a stand of her own. It was about time for you two to go anyway. You looked back at Coriolanus, ignoring every word that came from his mouth. 

“There’s a lake. Really only Covey knows about it. What do you think of you and your buddy joining us next weekend?” You glance over his shoulder to watch Sejanus make conversation with Lucy Gray. Coriolanus sucked in a breath. Your eyes shot to him, waiting to see if he’d say no. 

“I think there’s nothing more I’d like to do next Sunday.” He answered. You nodded and hid the evergrowing grin on your face. You cleared your throat. 

“Great, I am very casual about this whole ordeal.” You said, starting to inch away from him. Coriolanus puffed his chest out. 

“Oh yeah. Me too. So casual. Won’t be thinking about you before I go to sleep tonight at all.” Coriolanus responded, clasping his arms behind his back. He nodded like he was agreeing at a business meeting. You hummed. 

“Oh yeah, yeah. No, I would never in a million years think of you in my free time. Never, not once have I done that. Much less before bed in the hopes of good dreams, please your ego is so big I’m choking on it.” You waved your hand in your face, pretending to push away his ego to breathe. Coriolanus didn’t even bother hiding the smile on his face as you both backpedaled away from each other. 

“Sunday.” He responded, already metaphorically foaming at the mouth to get to that lake. You nodded, heading off in the direction of Lucy Gray. 

“Sunday.” 

And there he was on Sunday. Once you saw the edge of the lake, you were dropping your items left and right, racing Maude Ivory for the water. You lost but you beat CC so you accepted it. Coriolanus joined you seven in the water, splashing you all.

When he resurfaced, looking around for you, you splashed him in the face. Coriolanus sputtered and wiped his face with his hand before lunging at you. He pulled you from the water before flinging you back into the waves from his splash, making you scream. As you splashed under the water his hands reached for your body, pulling you back towards the surface. You laughed once you got the water off your face.

Coriolanus pulled you closer, your body moving easily with the help of the lake. He pressed your body against his. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling his chin over your shoulder. You hummed and leaned into him. Coriolanus pressed his lips against the side of your neck as he hooked his arm over your shoulder.  

When your fingers got pruney, you and Coriolanus pulled yourselves from the water. Maude Ivory complained that you were a party pooper and CC splashed her in response.

You and Coriolanus dried out in the sun, laying on top of a sheet you dragged along with you to the lake. Coriolanus pressed you against him, holding on like you might disappear into the wind if he let go. Your head was resting on top of his chest. You held onto his wrist that was thrown onto your shoulder, keeping your fingers on his pulse. He intertwined your fingers with his other hand. The steady beat under your fingertips reminded you that he was alive and this wasn't a dream. It wasn't going to rabidly twist into a nightmare before you could catch up. 

“I have nightmares every night.” You whispered. You just needed to get it off your chest before he started to wonder. You hoped he heard it because if the Covey and Sejanus splashing in the water was too loud, you didn't think you'd be able to repeat it. Coriolanus dropped the hand he was holding, rubbing your cheek instead. Coriolanus hummed in acknowledgment, giving you the time to continue. You pressed your fingers into his pulse harder, needing it to be louder than just a soft whisper of a beat under your fingers.

“I watch you die every night, Coriolanus.” You added. Maybe this could ease some of the questions you knew he was holding back.

No one reacts to seeing their (lover?) friend like that after not seeing them for weeks. No one starts crying and rocking themselves back and forth just from a look.

Coriolanus started at that, pulling his leg up like he wanted to get up and start punching the nightmares. His hand on your face stalled and waited in the air. As the moment of silence turned into two, you wondered if you overstepped somehow. You sat up, rolling over onto your stomach so you could look at his face. He sat up on his elbows. Coriolanus met your eyes, an unreadable look on his face. 

He reached out with one hand and held onto yours, holding onto it tight. You gave him time, like he’d given you. Coriolanus sighed. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I'm not dying anytime soon, I'm not leaving you. You're okay. That arena was horrific but we're not there anymore. You're all in one piece and I'm going to take care of you. In the arena, I couldn't be there, only from behind the screen. I'm not going anywhere now, I can protect you now. Do you understand?” Coriolanus asked, raising his eyebrows and staring at you severely. You hummed and leaned your forehead against his. 

“I understand.” You whispered back. Coriolanus dropped your hands and cupped your cheeks, pulling you away from his forehead. He tilted his head and leaned closer before stopping and watching you intently. You leaned into him, pressing your lips against his.

Coriolanus pulled you closer by your back. He held onto the side of your face, humming against your mouth. You were warm and made him want to hide in your arms forever. You held onto the back of his neck. Coriolanus licked at your bottom lip. You would've opened your mouth for him if you didn't want to scar your cousins in the lake just a few feet away. Instead, you pulled away, much to Coriolanus' disdain. You kissed both corners of his mouth, patting his cheeks. Coriolanus pulled at your wrist, taking your hand to his lap and intertwining your fingers. 

You both settled back down on the sheet. Lucy Gray left the water and laid out in the dock to dry off. She watched as you relaxed into Coriolanus, shutting your eyes. Lucy Gray wanted you to get more sleep but with sleep came the promise of nightmares. At least you were in the woods so your terror would go unnoticed by the few neighbors you did have. 

Once Lucy Gray was fully dry she made her way over the sheet. The Covey’s clothes were laid out and folded into piles for each person. She smiled at your care and pulled her stack away. Lucy Gray looked up at you to thank you, you were still asleep. You had a small smile on your face and Lucy Gray hoped it would stay. Coriolanus turned his head to face her, raising an eyebrow. 

“Are we leaving soon? Let me wake-” Lucy Gray quickly shook her head. 

“No. No. Don't, they need their rest. I'm not sure if they've slept this long without a nightmare waking them up since the Games. We can stay a little longer.” Lucy Gray said, pulling her dress back on. 

As you continued to snooze, the Covey got more and more tired. They all left the water, drying out on the dock. Or CC’s case, running around and shaking like a dog. Eventually, they all made it back into their clothes.

Something about you snoozing away on Coriolanus’ chest seemed so inviting. Maude Ivory tucked herself under your arm, pressing her head to Coriolanus' chest as well. Tam Amber laid down on the edge of the blanket, keeping a hand on your calf like you might run away. Sejanus laid next to Coriolanus, giving him a thumbs up at you and Coriolanus snuggling. CC leaned his head against your side, kicking his legs out at Tam Amber. Tam Amber swatted them away, making CC laugh. Barb Azure shushed him and joined Sejanus on the side. She reached over and held onto your free hand, the other one preoccupied with Coriolanus'. Lucy Gray sat behind you, watching the lake. Coriolanus' hand rubbed your back as you slept away. Coriolanus turned his head to look at Lucy Gray. 

“Do you always sleep like meerkats, piling on top of each other?” Coriolanus whispered. Lucy Gray shook her head. 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

Lucy Gray and Barb Azure shared a glance at their opposing views. Coriolanus smacked his lips in acceptance. He wasn't getting an answer but at least he was sort of included. You were sleeping on him and therefore everyone trying to get closer to you was getting closer to him. He understood why you would do it, it was so warm and he was positive he's never felt this loved before. 

When you woke up, it was quiet and gentle. You looked around and smiled at the pile. You turned around and grinned at Lucy Gray. You held up a thumbs up. 

Maybe it was the pile, Coriolanus, his words, the exhaustion from splashing in the water, or some other secret things but you slept without a nightmare. When you went to bed that night it wasn't nearly as scarring. It was just you and Coriolanus on the lakeside. 

[crazyunsexycool]

Now we know that Steve is a giant softie.

Imagine Honey being heavily pregnant with bee and she is not comfortable at all. Hence she gets a pregnancy pillow to help her sleep better.

Who knew that steeb would get jealous of a non living object like a pillow!!

He's so jealous of this pillow! How can his girl feel more comfortable with this stupid pillow and not him?! Offcourse he's the best cuddler! He'd be all grumpy because he's not able to cuddle Honey because of this pillow!

Hahahahaha!! Poor Steve. He finally got his girl and now some pillow is taking his place.

Pregnancy Pillow

Warning: pregnancy talk.

A/N: also I know I said I’d call Sugar from MLL Mrs. B but it feels so formal to use it all the time and I remembered that Steve calls her Magnet and I think ppl calling her Mags would make more sense than Mrs. B so Mags is Sugar lolol

Steve walked in to his shared home with you after a long day of work. He was excited to wash the day away and spend the evening with you. Without much thought Steve walked into the living room where he knew he’d find you. Since you had started your second trimester, every day without fail, you’d take a nap. It was a running joke between the two of you that the couch had been laced with a sleep aid because every that sat there would eventually get sleepy.

Just what he thought, Steve found you on the comfy couch but this time he noticed the huge pillow you were surrounded by. You looked so comfortable in that moment but Steve frowned slightly at the thought that he couldn’t sit and place your head on his lap. Still Steve leaned over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to your temple before heading to take a shower.

When he came back down you were in the kitchen drinking some water. You smiled at Steve as he got closer and placed a hand on your growing belly.

“Hi honey, how was your day?” He says before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Good and uneventful. How was your training?”

“Good, same as always with the new trainees. They want to impress me and go overboard.” Steve grabs some water for himself. “How was your nap? You looked comfortable.”

You smile and sigh.

“It was amazing. Mags got me the pregnancy pillow and it’s so comfortable. I love it.”

“That was nice of her.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to use it in bed. I bet I’ll sleep even better with it.”

“Excuse me, what?” Steve looked genuinely horrified at the thought of that pillow in your shared bed. “That thing isn’t going in our bed.”

You immediately pout and cross your arms over your chest.

“Why not? It’s comfortable.”

“Well you have me. Don’t you want to cuddle anymore?” It was Steve’s turn to pout.

You move around to stand in front of Steve and you grab both his hands. “My darling you know I love to cuddle up with you but I haven’t been sleeping that well. I just need the extra support.”

Steve groans but accepts that your comfort is more important than some cuddles. You get up on your toes and kiss his cheek before leaving to place your new pillow on your bed.

****

For weeks Steve had to watch you get comfortable with that damn pillow. Bucky had told him that it was the best and worst thing ever invented. Steve could only agree. While he was more than happy for you to get a more comfortable sleep, he hated being separated from you.

You on the other hand couldn’t stop giggling at the hatred Steve had toward an inanimate object. He would glare at the pillow every chance he could. And you’re sure that if he could, Steve would burn that pillow just so that he never had to see it again.

It wasn’t until Steve had come back injured from a mission that he finally understood the comfort of the stupid pillow. Steve woke up from a nap after being discharged from the medbay and he was surprised when he found himself wrapped up with the pillow.

“You seem comfortable.” You giggle as you enter your room.

Steve tried to push the pillow away but it was too late. You'd already seen him and now he knew that you would never let him live it down. He tried to move to help you get into bed but with how hurt he was he could only sit by and watch you wiggle your way into a comfortable position.

"C'mere." You open your arms and Steve settles in next to you.

His hand immediately lands on your swollen belly and he sighs happily while you play with his hair.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, now that I get you to myself."

"You've have me to yourself all the time." You say with a smile.

"Not with that monstrosity in the way."

You laugh again. "The baby will be here faster than you think and soon that pillow will be gone from our bed. Just hold on a little longer."

"I'm burning it after Bee is born."

You huff a laugh. "You can't burn it."

"Why not?"

"Well," you feel flustered just at the thought. "What if we have more kids? I'm going to need it again."

Steve pulls back to get a better look at you. His eyes are soft and full of love.

"You want to have more kids?"

"Yes, maybe. Only if you do too."

Steve gives you a lopsided grin and rests his head against your chest. "I guess the pillow stays."

[powderseas]

girl help the amount of bramblestar defenders in the comments of your lonesome love pmv are driving me up the wall

mfs won't even give an in-text example of squilf """"abusing""""" bramble, they literally just keep repeating "b-b-but squilf was abusive to bramblestar too!!" without even offering a crumb of text to add some credibility

but other than that your squilf design is top tier and all hail squirrelstar

I JUST TWEETED ABT THIS SITUATION IT DRIVES ME MAD?????

im a people pleaser so i dont wanna start a conflict BUT IM TRYING SO HARD TO STOP MYSELF FROM REPLYING TO ALL THE COMMENTS CUZ I KNOW I WILL GET CARRIED AWAY AND START A WHOLE DEBATE....

squilf was making brambleclaw jealous by using ashfur -> bramble literally pushed squilf away when she talked about her concerns abt hawkfrost (THAT CONFIRMED TO BE RIGHT) so she started to hang out with other cats including ashfur, if anything all bramble and squilf did up until that point was argue about stuff so it was natural for squilf to wanna hang out with other cats. she also literally stopped talking to ashfur when he started to baby her instead of treating her like a normal cat

she lied to brambleclaw about the kits -> she literally had to???? she said multiple times that she didnt wanted to take the kits cuz she couldnt lie to brambleclaw until starclan lied to her abt being infertile. do ppl actually think that squilf would trust a cat who starts an argument whenever she speaks up abt anything?? especially a topic that is controversial such as halfclan kits??

she was jealous about bramblestar and jessy -> so?? its normal to be jealous after a breakup its called having a character.... and she literally got over it in the end of the book

[goingmerryfics]

Hii!!! i really love all your writing and wanted to request smth if that's okay!

could i request law x so who's into lolita fashion/subculture? Like, on days that they're able to they'll wear really extravagant looking lolita dresses and such, and is just overall really girly, and might be embarrassed about being such, esp with someone like him. but maybe he even likes that they're aesthetic opposites. idk fjsjfjfk

Ty!! <3

(idk if i need to say this but lolita fashion doesn't have anything to do with the. other uses of the term. sometimes ppl make accusations abt it but the jfashion and book are not related)

Lolita Style S/O w/ Law

Content: can be read as GN reader that wears skirts, all SFW

Notes* Thanks for being patient with me while I worked on this request! A couple of things popped up for me (and my new-used computer quit suddenly so I have to wait to see if it can be repaired or if I should just buy a brand new one) so I’ve been trying to work around this. Back to mobile tumblr I go 😢 ! Anyway- I know all too well how lolita culture gets sexualized in people’s eyes so this is a completely nsfw-free request. I made this more relatable to those in sweet style lolita more than gothic lolita since you’d commented about them being opposites and personally, I think it would be super cute for him to be paired with someone with this style. Hope you like it :)

Law

Law isn’t the type to pay attention to what people wear as long as they are dressed in proper uniform when need be. Self expression is something personal, and he’s aware of different everyone’s style is

Though he finds it hard not to notice how you dress on your days off, whether it’s just around the sub or out on the town

It’s a lot of pastel, and a lot of fabric

You hadn’t thought of what Law or the others might’ve thought the first time you dressed up, so when you kept catching Law staring at you at various points of the day, you started to feel a little nervous

Later though, the two of you had crossed paths and he stopped you there to ask about your choice of clothing

While you explained how you enjoyed the colours and the overly girly feel of it all, he listened to every word, and even asked you some questions- like how everything fit together, and how you chose to match your accessories to your clothes

He was intrigued, and being a knowledgeable man, he wanted to learn about you and your clothing style

He’d even gone off to do his own research at the next island, and secretly commissioned a seamstress to make a little purse modeled after Bepo’s face for your outfits because god knows this guy can’t sew for shit

Law had been waiting for you outside of your door, his present to you held in his hand, in a sweet little bag. You weren’t expecting to see him, nor were you expecting any sort of gift- it was nowhere near your birthday- but here he was. He pushes himself off from leaning against the door when he sees you.

“Here. I’m not sure if it’s alright, but I thought you might be able to use this.”

He hands you the bag, and you thank him before going off about how he didn’t need to get you anything, and asking what the occasion is as you dig through the white, glittery tissue paper to open it.

“No occasion. I just thought you’d like it.” He tries to act nonchalant and calm, but he’s watching your face for any changes to see if you like it or not.

You pull out the bag and gasp- it was perfect. Fluffy and pristine white, perfect for an outfit you’d been trying to put together for a while now- and it looked like your dear crewmate. You pull it to your chest with a big smile, going on a bit of a ramble at how cute it is, and how you’re going to use it right away.

The entire time you’re squealing over your new gift he’s smiling to himself, even if he doesn’t realize it.

The next time you change into your style, you make sure to keep the mini Bepo bag at your side. It goes great with your outfit

Bepo freaks out a little at the likelihood of the purse and his own face, but you quickly calm him down and explain that it’s not the head of a polar bear that you’re carrying around

Law watches you fawn over the bag with him from a distance, smiling to himself

He joins you later to walk around town with you. He’s come to enjoy how your style stands out so well beside him against his usual darker clothes

Law will also help you get dressed if you let him, buckling your shoes for you so you don’t have to fight the layers of skirt to reach your feet, or helping you pin up your hair pieces

You’d asked him once if he’d like to try men’s lolita style and he was very quick to shut that down.

“It looks better on you than it will on me.”

He really just likes seeing you as the unique one

[rafedaddy01]

could u do one on a world where rafey is not psycho but they could go on a trip w like all the pogues and go camping n then ppl over hear rafe and reader having a fun time in the night🥰

Yes ofc baby 😚

This camping trip was long awaited. Your bags were packed and your boyfriends hand sat perfectly on your thigh as music blared and your friends laughed from the back seat.

-

“This is gonna be so much fun!” Sarah beamed as the gang started setting up their tents.

Once the set up was complete you guys decided to go take a dip in the lake.

“Is this a new swimsuit?” Rafe said, a sly smirk on his lips as he zipped the tent closed.

He stepped up behind and wrapped his big arms around your body, resting his head in the crook of your neck and pressing soft kisses to the skin.

“Hmm, you like it” your lips curved into a satisfied smile.

“I do” he hummed in response as he continued kissing your neck, “although I’d like it better off you”

“Rafe!” You giggled as he pulled you closer to him, rubbing his hard cock over your bum. “Not now, their waiting for us” you pull away from his grip and turn around to face him.

“Later” you place a kiss on his lips and wink before unzipping the tent and striding out.

-

“Rafe. Shh, someone will hear us” you giggle as your boyfriend hovers over you smothering you in kisses.

“Let them hear baby, I want them to know how loud you can be” he kisses your neck and you tilt to give him more access.

Your nails scratch his naked back as his kisses turn into sucking, leaving his mark on your skin.

“Rafe” you moan out

His hand travels under the blankets and into your pajama shorts.

Once his fingertips collide with your clit your eyes roll back.

“Mm, so wet for me baby” he slips the clothing off you and his fingers continue to toy with your clit, moving lower until he’s at your entrance. “Spread your legs wider f’me”

You do as he says and he pushes a finger in, your walls immediately clamping around it.

You gasp at the relief his finger gives you and soon he pushes a second in.

He sets a sensual pace and your a moaning mess by the time your climax approaches.

“Oh fuck! Rafe!” Your back arches just as it hits you. Your nails pressing into his back.

“That’s right baby, be loud for me. Scream my name” he whispers against your ear as his fingers thrust in snd out, his palm rubbing your clit and intensifying the pleasure.

He slowly pulls his fingers out as you come down from your high.

“Fuck, I hope I wasn’t too loud” you laugh

Before you have time to say another word Rafes cock pushes past your walls causing you to moan out again.

He laughs as he watches your face twist in frustration.

“Your so sexy when your frustrated” he pulls back and snaps his hips, the tip of his cock brushing along your g-spot.

“Go ahead, let your little friends know whose making you feel good” he snaps his hips once more before he starts thrusting harder, deeper, and faster all at the same time.

You moan out his name as he leans his head down to capture your lips with his.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum” he groans against your mouth as you feel his cock pulse inside you.

Your walls clamp around him as you both chase your high.

“Yes! Right there, don’t stop” your eyes close and your neck arches as he repeatedly hits your g-spot making your breath catch and your orgasm wash over you. Rafes right behind you as he thrusts in and stills, spilling his cum deep inside you.

“Fuck” he groans out as his head dips back in pleasure.

He slowly pulls out and you wince at the feeling of emptiness.

“I love you” he leans down to softly kiss your lips

“I love you too” you cup his face and kiss him once more.

He cleans you up with one of his t-shirts and discards it before getting under the blankets and cuddling you close as you both drift off.

-

“Good morning” you say chirpily as you walk up to the group gathered up for breakfast.

JJ snickers with john b as you scrunch your eyebrows at them in confusion.

“For the record, next time you two do it please make sure I’m out of earshot. I don’t wanna hear my brothers name being moaned” Sarah jokes out loud and your cheeks heat up as you look at your boyfriend who has a satisfied smile on his face.

Taglist

@f4ll-for-you @v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx @spencerreidsrealgf @rafescokenostril @thievin-stealing @hoesindifferentshows @rafemotherfuckingcameron

[girlboybug]

California Gurls

"warm, wet n’ wild, there must be something in the water."

or the one where joel hasn't been to california in god knows how long, but, one thing's for certain. he loves, california girls.

what’s playing 🎧 : california gurls by katy perry

pairing : joel miller x cali!girl reader

word count : 2k

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUTTY HEADCANON LIST, age gap, public sex, light themes of exhibitionism, heavy petting, bikini fetish, is that a thing? it is now. unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampies, oral f!receiving, blowjobs, doggy style, riding, multiple orgasms, dacryphilia, switch coded joel and reader, joel still leans towards top/dom, edging, forced orgasms, drunk/high sex

TRIGGER WARNINGS : umm i honestly can't think of any besides sex under the influence of both alcohol and weed but neither joel and reader are sober so its all around consensual as always :) if i missed anything plz lmk!

a/n : hi baes, im sorry that ive been slacking on uploading, ive been a bit burnt out, and i recently just got a job! so i fear my uploading may become more scarce but i will try my best to not let it get too bad.

ive had this au in mind for awhile n thought a headcanon list would b perfect hehe and i might make it a full fic in the future. i have a very special fic im almost done with and then a few more requests, thank u to those patient ppl who requested it, i promise i havent forgotten abt u!!! anyways sorry this is so long kjjdsjhdjsj plz enjoy and if there is anyway i can make my writing more inclusive pleaaase let me know!

joel didn't even want to be in california, but it was on the way to where him and ellie needed to go, and it was supposed to be just them two passing through, nothing less, nothing more.

but then, and of course there's always a but, on the journey both joel and ellie stumble upon a beach.

a beach with you.

culture shock for joel, like immediately. it's almost like the virus never spread to california, specifically their beaches. girls girls girls, all clad in the skimpiest bikinis and swimwear he's seen in years - or ever actually.

ellie convinces him to stay, just for a little while, and of course, he obliges, begrudgingly. the begrudging feeling and furrow in his brows slowly melts away when he's left to unwind in the warm sand, wandering eyes traveling across the beach's very underdressed inhabitants.

he lets ellie play in the water, he's more than content enjoying the view surrounding him in the sand.

you’re quick to notice the newcomers, instantly excited upon meeting new people

you make it real difficult for joel to maintain eye contact while he talks to you, he feels like he needs to physically hold his eyes in place so they don't drift down to the way your tits spill out your bikini top

he can smell the salty water, the semi sweet and unforgettable scent of sunscreen and a hint of coconut on you, and it's honestly mind numbing

and when ellie begs to stay in california for a bit longer than they planned, he surprises both himself and ellie when he jumps to say yes.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

ੈ✩‧₊˚

you make joel never wanna leave california. when it's dark out, with the beach left empty and void of half naked and sunburnt people, it becomes a space for just you and joel.

he loves fucking you right on the sand, loves setting up your bright pink beach towel across the sandy floors just to push your face down onto it, smushing your cheek until your pretty lips pucker and sob his name when he bullies the fat head of his cock into your fluttering hole.

it was so easy getting joel to crack and fuck you, it didn't take much convincing, if anything, it took more convincing on his part to not bend you over upon immediate introductions. but when he finally lets himself have you, it's all he ever wants to do

it was a massive shock that he could keep up with your stamina, he's like what, 56? and you're a 20 something year old full of life and energy and yet he was giving you a run for your money, almost making you tap out when he forces a third orgasm of the night out of you

he loves to drag his tongue across your skin, loves to sink his teeth into the junction of your neck and shoulder when he fucks you from the back, he loves tasting the remnants of the ocean that lingers on your skin

loves to sneak off with you behind the lifeguard tower, and he loves hearing you plead with him to give you some attention.

he loves to make you beg for it. he loves pushing those tiny bikini bottoms that cover not enough, just to lap and lap and lap, at your soaked cunt.

loves to eat it til you cry, he doesn't stop until you have to push him off. he loves it when he gets to flip you on your tummy, he pulls your hips up and buries his face in your pussy, licking you up until your legs shake and can barely keep you upright, but it's okay, he's always there to keep you in place.

you enjoy feeding his ego when you tell him he's the best you've ever had, which isn't a lie

but the way he forces your knees near your ears when you whine about how his cock is the best, and the way he plunges in so deep you can feel him kiss your cervix, makes you feel like you'd say anything else he wanted to hear to get him to keep fucking you like that

sometimes he just can't keep his hands off you, so he'll pull you away to the secluded part of the beach, and make you ride him

oh you love riding him. you like feeling the slight shift in dominance that occurs when you get on top. you love pushing his chest down, letting his back connect to the sand, tons of little grains getting lost in his hair when you keep him down like that, fucking him the way you like, using his fat cock like your personal toy. 

you don’t care about how sensitive he is, you make him take your tight cunt, he's the one that wanted this, so it's only fair he finishes what he started after all.

it's your turn to only get more turned on when you see his pretty brown eyes line with tears when you're fucking him through his second orgasm back to back.

you're insatiable when you're like this, drunk on his cock, and drunk on the power trip of being in control. you’re unable to stop your hips from rocking down onto his, guiding his fingers to your needy clit.

you lower yourself down to his chest, kissing his freckled shoulders, teeth grazing over his collarbones when he's whimpering in your hair, feeling too much everywhere but he doesn't tell you to stop, he takes everything you give him

loves pulling you into his chest when you've ticked him off, he keeps your back to his front, he spreads your legs and keeps them open with his ankle hooking around your's.

his strong bicep, that you love, keeps you in a loose chokehold, his free hand teasing your soaked cunt, bringing you to the edge of release just to rip it away from you. he loves kissing your sunkissed skin, feeling the warmth from being in the sun all day while he whispers for you to, shut the fuck up and behave.

his fingers circle around your clit, switching between that and burying his thick digits in your aching hole, scoffing when you sigh and whimper in relief when he pushes his middle finger in

doesn't let you finish despite your pleas and cries

he's so mean when he's mad at you. :(

he takes your bikini bottoms, pocketing them away and tossing you his flannel if you're gonna complain that much about being bare even though you're practically naked 99% of the time.

you immediately go home, throw his flannel over a pillow and hump it, trying your best to focus on the scent that wafts from his flannel, and lingers on your skin, pretending the friction you felt was from his fingers

you love getting back at joel, like when you're sitting at the tiki bar, and he's trying his best to converse with your friends

you'll snake yourself in his arms, hopping onto his lap while he sits in the barstool, accidentally letting your wet bikini bottoms soak his drying swim trunks

you also unintentionally squirm around in his lap, 'not realizing' you're grinding your ass right on his hardening cock, looking up at him in faux concern when he starts stuttering and stammering mid-convo

he grips your hips, his fingers digging into your warm skin, silently warning you

you don't heed his warnings, naturally, and instead hop off his lap, announcing to the group that you've decided to go for another session in the water, leaving him to awkwardly swivel his barstool away as to not flash his aching erection beneath his swim trunks to all your friends.

of course joel always gets the last word, he's pulling you away from the water, tugging you along with him by the rocks near the shore the furthest from everyone

little girl is gonna learn today, he mutters to himself, and you have to hide your squeals of excitement, knowing he's gonna fuck you stupid

and that he does, he makes you work for your orgasm, and that’s only if he feels nice enough in the moment 

he has you on your knees in front of him while he leans his back against the sturdy surface of a large rock, his hand resting behind your head while he grunts for you to take every inch of him down your throat 

s’what girls like you are good for, i’nt that right baby? 

your cunt flutters at his words, he always makes you tingly from just speaking 

when he’s about to cum he can never decide which is better, seeing your pretty face covered in his seed or watching you swallow it down without a single flinch 

before you, joel hadn’t done anything like this in like, 20+ years, so when you think you’re done, you’re not. 

his cock stays hard sometimes, and he’s more than willing to use you over and over until he’s satisfied, not that you complain, you’re always so pliable and compliant for him. 

he sits you up, pulls you into his lap and makes you put it in, loves watching his fat cock disappear into your greedy cunt, sucking him in and wrapping around him like a tight glove. 

holds your hips down and keeps you in place while he fucks up in to you, tugs your bikini top down and sucks on your chest, tongue messily dragging all along your salty skin, teasing your sensitive nipples with his teeth 

sometimes he’ll play nice, he’ll rub your sweet little clit, cooing and kissing at your neck and cheek when you collapse in his chest, rutting on his cock while he fucks you through your all consuming orgasm. 

buries his face in your neck to breathe in your scent when he’s close, whispers to you if you’ll let him cum inside, and you always say yes 

grunts a few utterances of your name when he cums in you, he slowly fucks his cum inside you, the wet sound from your grinding bodies turns him on more than he can even describe, addicted to how it feels and how it sounds 

loves to slowly pull out, and watch his cum leak from your hole, loves knowing he’s the first and only one, who gets to do that to you. 

and when he’s at your small place, with ellie being at a girl her age’s place for the night, he unwinds in your bed with you, passing a blunt back and forth

you give him sips from whatever fruity alcoholic drink you’ve concocted that night, giggling mid kiss when you taste the mixture of a mango pineapple drink and weed on his tongue 

and he always gets the munchies on nights like this, but not for food

loves devouring your pussy when he’s high, he’ll make his way on top of you, eyes ablaze, mouth parted with low breaths, eyeing you down like you’re his prey 

you try to tease him by closing your legs, but that’s fine, he can work with that

he grabs your ankles, taking them in one big hand, pulling you down towards him before he lifts your legs up by your ankles, smirking to himself when he pushes your panties to the side and dives in tongue first 

he can eat you out for hours, he’s just so hungry, and he can’t get enough of you

and when you’re shaking, trembling, struggling to breathe, he loves watching the violent jerk your body makes when he pushes his cock inside your messy and soaked hole, loves holding you down while you shake beneath him from your burning orgasms you just had back to back 

fucks you nice and slow, wants you to feel every single inch, and every single vein inside of you, wants you to know who’s fucking you this good

and when he can’t hold off on leaving california any longer, he tries to convince you to come with him. and in the time that the pair has stayed in california, ellie has grown to like you, and naturally joins him in his pleas, begging you to come along with them. 

and as much as you want to go along with them, you can't get yourself to leave. california’s your home, and it could be their’s too, you try to tell them, but you both know where the other belongs. 

when he leaves, he kisses you hard enough that you pray it bruises into your lips for the rest of your life. 

you make him promise to try and come by at least every summer, and with a wide smile, he says he can do that. 

[dykesynthezoid]

Love thinking about Armand’s calculated, cold anger, he is so special to me… ppl have rightly pointed out that he doesn’t appear to “lose control” in the same way Lestat does, that there’s something very deliberate and meticulous about the way he handles those emotions.

And I think it’s hard to express, as someone who also handles emotions in a similar way (although waaaaay healthier and less destructively, lol, thank god), where that line between in control and out of control actually is. Where the anger goes from hot to cold. How deliberate the harm is.

Like, my anger is very calculating. I know what it feels like to be fighting with someone and to feel my mind sort of— pushing at weak spots. To be dialing in on exactly the most devastating thing to say, bc in the moment I am feeling so hurt that some part of my brain, even against my will, has started piecing together how to do the most harm back.

And like. Luckily I’m an emotionally mature enough person that I know if I get to that point, I should a. Not fucking say what I’m thinking and b. Just leave, literally get away, before I say something I’ll regret on impulse. But Armand is not working with the tools I have, lol.

The line of how conscious that calculation actually is can be really interesting. Armand doesn’t appear to just be lashing out for the sake of it— But in a way, he is? It’s just all filtered through this very meticulous lens, this incredibly tight grip he has on himself. It’s all so natural to him— The harm (in this episode!) is deliberate, yes, in that at least some part of him means to do harm; but the calculation is likely occurring to an extent without him even thinking about it. Bc it’s just how his brain works.

And he is also so clearly Activated throughout the entire thing; like he is very much in a state of reactivity. He isn’t thinking clearly. His nervous system is on the fritz. It’s just his version of that still appears very controlled from the outside, because he’s had to become so good at controlling himself and masking his responses.

(There also are probably some layers of dissociation happening there! Like, structurally, in his brain. It seems like he’s definitely got different Emotional Parts locked off from one another.)

[nudibranchpropaganda]

❤🔥 chapter 5 of my wbiy commentary is up!

[blushblushbear]

Fck it- let’s get some ANGST rolling

All the boys reacting to their S/O dying right in front of them, and they are partially responsible for it.

Doesn’t matter how; freak accident, prank/date gone wrong, ppl who have a personal vendetta against them and want revenge- I want to know how they react and how they move on from that moment onwards (if they do at all)

DO.YOUR.WORST!!!

(I’m new to this fandom btw. Hi!! 👋🏼 I rly like your writing :)

AHHHH THANK YOU! I try weirdly hard to do a decent job

but yeah okay *cracks knuckles* let's get into it B)

SHIT'S UNDER THE CUT CAUSE IT'S A LOT AND IT'S DEPRESSING

tw: character death, death in general, violence, gun violence, depression, grief, guilt, heartbreak

Nimh

So I think Nimh's is a freak accident

I think you two are just walking along the side walk together and it's nice and normal and peaceful

and then a car swerves off the road and right towards you two

let's sad for added against you pushed him out of the way on instinct

I think his vision is actually blurred at first when he looks up from his spot in a bush

he does have a heart condition so that amount of shock is gonna make him legitimately dizzy

he almost dies right there when he looks over and sees you unconscious on the ground surrounded by blood

he is full on having a panic attack and can't breath and honestly everything is a dizzy blur for the next few hours

he falls over again just running over to you and is lost to the world as the rest of the scene unfolds around him

he's full on not seeing or hearing anything as he holds you bleeding in his arms

he doesn't even notice how badly he's hyperventilating

you actually don't die right there on the spot

you're put in an ambulance and rushed to the er and then to the icu and Nimh is in the hospital with you

They're also taking care of him as well since he is actually pretty banged up and is clearly having a serve panic attack and might legit pass out if not tended to

when you finally get to the hospital and start to wheel you away to the icu as other er staff are looking over him as a patient he pretty much starts loosing his shit

he wants to go with you but they need to make sure he's okay too

he's sobbing as they take his vitals

you last a few days and he never leaves your side

his parents come by to bring him food and clean clothes and a blanket but he's not leaving you once he's found you again in the icu

it's terrifying to him how still and hurt you look

he talks to you while you're out

honestly for all 3 of those days, he still had hope

no matter what the doctors said

but when he woke up on the morning of the 4th day to the sound of your flat line he watched all his hopes and dreams crumble in front of him

his happy future he saw for himself died with you

he's honestly a depressive mess and his body has not taken to the stress well at all (heart condition and panic attacks)

it's made even worse by the fact that he keeps having dreams about you

that always turn into nightmares where he relives holding you lifeless and bleeding in his arms

I'm going to be honest

I think due to the mix of the stress this puts on his already frail body

and the fact that he's sort of lost his will to live

he actually only lasts a few months after the accident

he was already lucky enough to make it this fair into his life, lucky enough to find the strength to always keep trying and make his body better, lucky enough to find you

but I guess his luck ran out

for what it's worth, I do think he goes peacefully in his sleep

dreaming about you

but a good dream this time

it's just tragic all around

poor Nimh

Volks

Volks' is another nice day turned tragic

You guys had gone out hiking, and he had helped you climb a tree because he really wanted to show you the view

it was taller than you had ever climbed but he promised that he wouldn't let anything happen to you

and as you too are looking at the view--- well, YOU are looking at the view, Volks is looking at you pretty much the whole time (like he always does)

but for a brief moment he took his eyes off you to also look at the view with you

and in that moment a strong wind shook the branch and made you loose your balance

your security tie failed and you went tumbling

that split second moment went by like an hour to Volks

the sudden realization that you weren't there

then looking down and seeing you falling

it took all of his will power to not instinctively jump after you

but when he saw you hit the ground he never scrambled down a tree so quickly

every part of him was shaking and his heart was pounding in his ears

he came up to you and you were still alive, but badly hurt

he gently cradled you in his arms and noticed you had blood coming out of your head

he pulled you onto his back panicking

calling 911 with his shaking hand

he met them on the side of the road and rode with you in the back of the ambulance

the whole time he was just staring wide eyed and pale at you

you were alive and moving but you were so out of it

the ems said you had definitely hit your head on something on the fall (probably a rock) and that you had several broken bones

you got none of that

Volks heard every word of it loud and clear like the worst was being confirmed for him

and he was responding to none of it

just staring at you

when you got to the hospital, his mom was already rushing out to meet the paramedics

you had met her a few times, she really liked you a lot, and especially liked how happy you made her son

she was taking charge since you were already like family to her

when they wheeled you back she told Volks to follow

your vitals were starting to tank and you've lost too much blood

the er room was a panicked frenzy that you were too out of it to comprehend

and the whole time Volks just kept staring at you

in your state, you were trying to make anything out

then you looked over at Volks

and when you looked at him there was this look of recognition and almost like relief

he stared back at your eyes, dull and distant but fully seeing him, the blood running down your forehead ruining the tenderness this look would've otherwise brought him

he didn't realize it yet, but he was tearing up

you reached out your hand to him weakly

he practically jumped forward, walking to you and taking your hand

your grip was weak and there was dirt and blood on your palms

you squeezed his hand as best you could manage

and you smiled at him

gazing lovingly into his eyes

and as he gazed back into yours

he watched as your bright eyes went dark

and then unfocused

he heard the single note of you leaving

and felt a panic he'd never known before as your hand slipped from his

his vision blurred as he just stood there shaking in disbelief

he couldn't find any words or form any thoughts as tears streamed down his cheeks

in a distance he heard his mom's voice

he heard his name

she was saying something

she felt her hand numb on his back

but he couldn't take any of it in

he just stared at you

for maybe the last time

you were just here and now you were gone

he

his contact finally broke when his mom pulled him away into a hug

she was crying on his shoulder, and holding her baby boy so tight

Volks blinked and it all hit him at once

and he broke down in his mothers arms as they crumpled to the floor together and sobbed

months went by

and he barely left the house

he went back and forth between staring at the wall and looking back over pictures you took together and texts you had sent

then crying

then back to the wall

his mom checked in on him a lot

but he's barely there anymore

on one visit she brings him food and notices a rose in a vase with fresh water

it's one he brought home from your funeral

it's long dead but he keeps watering it

for the millionth time Volks' mom preaches the helpfulness of grief counseling and invites him to join her this week at the group meeting

he refuses and she goes back to unloading the food she brought him into his fridge

he's not eating much though

on her way out she kisses his forehead and tells him she loves him

she stops at the door

and looks back at the rose

then her son

'you know.... they would've wanted you to be happy... that's all they ever wanted...'

Volks is silent for a while

his mom sighs and gets ready to leave again

'hey mom....'

she turns

'...what time is the therapy group?'

Kelby

Ya know, weirdly enough, I think Kelby actually handles all this the healthiest of all the boys??

also before I give an actual death lemme just say it's really hard for me to think of something for Kelby that's not Final Destination levels of insane lol

but no, okay okay

ahem

I think with Kelby it's just a regular ol' run of the mill daily tragedy

You're driving together, he's at the wheel, you guys are probably headed to a nice day at the beach

or back from a nice day at the beach

it's late but he's careful

but the sad truth is careful doesn't matter when other people drink and drive

your car is hit head on by someone going twice the speed limit, and your side of the car takes the main impact

I think unlike the previous two guys, you don't get a hospital goodbye

you are most likely dead on impact

and Kelby's not looking too hot either

I think he passes out in an ambulance and wakes up a few hours later to a few new injuries and the shocking news that you didn't make it

pretty sure everyone can hear his wails from down the hall

He's actually basically crying off an on for the next few years

he spends time with family

time with friends

looks at pictures

reads old texts

cries and cries and cries

he goes to therapy and goes through the moitons

but no matter what he can't fight this new hole he feels

the one where all his love for you went

I think he actually becomes an advocate for safe driving

and joins a lot of support groups

He actually helps a lot of people work through their pain

and that helps him work through his

the sad truth about this kind of thing is that it really is a mundane tragedy

that feels like an oxymoron but this sudden heartbreak happens everyday

but through the proper channels, Kelby has found ways to cope

though every now and then the loneliness does get him

how can it not

but if he can't spend the rest of his life with you

then he'll dedicate the rest of it in your memory

and help others do the same

also he keeps your picture by his bedside and talks to it frequently

telling you good morning and good night and such

He never stops missing you

Eli

I feel like with Eli, it really is something outlandish

Like he convinced you to go romantically dancing in the rain and you got struck by lightening

and to other people he laughs it off

'ain't life a bitch, at least they went out in a blaze of glory, they always were electrifying,' etc etc etc

but the truth of the matter is he's deeply and unbelievably upset about this

at his core, he's inconsolable

and he probably jokes about that too

'haha I'm dead inside actually! :)'

he has started seeing a therapist

he's got a lot to unpack

also I know there's not super explicit alcohol mentions in the game

but we know Eli is a party boy

and he's def developed a drinking problem over this

he doesn't know how to handle his feelings so he stays out all night partying like he would do with you

tearing shit up and drinking his feelings away

all so he can stumble home alone and pass out immediately so he doesn't have to contemplate how utterly empty and pointless his big fancy apartment feels

or how empty and pointless he feels

he's also dabbled in some drugs but he's trying to be real careful about that since he doesn't wanna wake up in an alley way (at least not cause of drugs-- he might a few times over booze though)

I think there was a time Eli had a lot of self hatred growing up followed by full self acceptance and self celebration

but he doesn't feel like celebration himself right now

he's pretty sure you'd be disguised with what he's become in your absence

hence the going to therapy

he hasn't found the right therapist just yet but he's going to keep trying

he liked the good things about himself, he liked the good things about you, and all the good things you saw in him, even the stuff he didn't always see as good himself

he wants to like himself again

the way he did when he had you loving him

he truly felt the happiest with you around

but now

he lives in the club

and drinks till dawn

he wakes up in a haze

feeling sick as shit

slowly gets himself together-ish

and ends up wondering what his life has become without you

has a coffee

and a headache

reads some poetry or listens to a song that reminds him of you

ulgy cries for a bit until his headache is worse

calms down enough to eat (well, less calm and more too burnt out)

rinse, repeat.

He doesn't plan to do this forever

he doesn't want to do this forever

someday he's gonna find a way to be happy again without you

though nothing will ever compare to the great love of his life that surprised him out of nowhere

Anon

okay here me out this might be a little too real BUT

bitch I think he got swatted

he messed around with the wrong dude and he got swatted

it got messy

you were there when it happened

he is pressing SO MANY CHARGES

he is a wreck

there's a movement online to try and help and support him through this trying time but honestly

he sees very little of it

he's sort of logged off for a while

actually a long while

he moved houses cause he was just too scared and traumatized

he couldn't stay in the house he watched you get shot in

he's going to so much therapy but it's not helping much

well, it is actually

just not in ways he's seeing or feeling

normally he'd get his revenge asap but like

that sort of thing is what got him into this mess

he is still taking all the legal action he can though

got the best lawyers on his side

SOMEONE is going to jail hell or high water

but it doesn't help fill the hole

he spends a lot of time lying in silence

or going outside

or staring at a blank screen that isn't turned on

he's actually not sure he'll ever get out of this whole

he looks at his phone from time to time but only to look at pictures of you

it's not connected to the internet or anything

eventually he finally feels up to trying to be online for an afternoon

maybe check his socials a bit and play a game

that's when he finally sees the out pour of condolences people have left for him

it actually makes him feel better

you know that bit in that lil nas song 'strangers make you feel so loved, ya know?'

that's him right now

he will never get over this

not even a little bit

and I think he's done using his powers to fuck around

I think eventually he will get to something resembling his old self but

you're still his desktop background

and he's never not going to feel that void you left

or the crushing guilt that flows

Garret

oh man

what to do with Garret

GEEZ uhhhh

I think with Garret, he just wakes up one morning with you in his arms and you're pale and unmoving

I think for him we're gonna say brain aneurysm

you just had one in your sleep overnight and there was nothing anyone could do

he was a panicking sobbing mess the whole time he waited for emergency services with you in his arms

and he wasn't much better while riding in the ambulance with you (he refused to leave your side)

you were barely breathing the whole ride and stopped breathing before you even made it to the hospital

despite the fact that literally none of this was his fault and absolutely there was nothing anyone could do he still blames himself

you died in his arms

he should've been able to do something

I think after a few years of group therapy he finally manages to get back to something like his old self

but he still breaks down in a sobbing wreck every now and then over this all

and he misses you every day

I think he constantly goes back and forth on whether to get rid of the bed you two shared on the night you died

on the one hand you died in that bed (sort of)

but on the other that's the last place you were together

either way he still hasn't gotten rid of it

and he has a locket with your picture in it that he never takes off

Dmitri

I'm running out of way for you to die guys

I think let's go with you were visiting him at the coffee shop and one of the espresso machines exploded, injuring 3 and killing 1 (that's you) (.....shut up I'm trying)

a coffee bean was launched right into your heart

so tragic

he like all the others go into a depressive state but he does very melo-drama about it

lots of tears and wilted roses and sobbing while draped across a sofa holding a framed photo of you

love poems, robe, tissues, ice cream, empty bottles of wine

his sister comes to visit him every day but it doesn't help

I honestly think he never lets this go

he wears this sorrow on his sleeve like a memorium to you

he vows he will never love again and he keeps it

there's a lot of talking to his main framed picture of you (he has a lot) and telling you about his day or his family or how much he misses you

that last bit usually comes up

he's definitely drinking more wine than before

he's not full Eli binging but he definitely gets it down

If he had a ring he was going to propose with (and he probably did let's be real), he wears it now around his neck

a reminder of the happy ending with you he will never get to see

Ichiban

I think this one actually is a prank gone wrong

or at least a video gone wrong

he actually quits his channel for a while out of guilt

he just can't stand running it

he eventually comes back for the fans but it takes like a full year before they hear from him

he spends a lot of time being depressed in the dark

playing games and sometimes talking to himself like he's talking to you

he has a really great therapist that helps him a lot with the guilt and grief

when he does eventually come back, he has a much greater boundary between his online life and his personal life

he also doesn't do stunts/pranks EVER

he actually only updates here and there cause he's putting his focus into more artist projects

the first one is an exploration of grief and how it can change a person

he's got a lot of guests from all over the internet who are here to share their stories of loss that were going on behind the camera

it's very soul bearing all around and it actually is seen as an over all good

it made a lot of people feel seen and less alone

including him

nothing will ever replace you

but he's using his fame now to let people know they aren't alone, so hopefully that's something

William

I think with William you were at the clinic visiting him and something venomous bit you

most likely a snake

you were rushed to the hospital and given anti-venom, but it was too late, the damage was already done

I think he is actually the most functional of all the dudes after the fact

like he's very much Not Okay, but he's trying his best to get through his day

the moment he gets home though he enters into the most mournful slump

he puts a record on and drinks a glass of wine and stares at your picture and just

mourns

he finds himself missing you throughout his day but the second he gets home it's a little all consuming

he's honestly kind of resigned to spending the rest of his life alone mourning you

maybe in a few years from now, he'll try for love again

but he already knows it's not going to be the same

he's always going to feel the weight of your loss on his heart

Myx

I think with Myx it's probably a very sudden yet terminal diease

he puts everything on pause to be with you for as long as he can

he gets about a few months (it's still not enough)

after another few months away from everything spent mourning he finally returns to the stage

he has basically a whole new albums worth of songs

each one of them was him working through his loss and pain

you know those albums you listen to from an artist, and you're just like 'who hurt you???'

yeah, this one is his

except the answer is life

or more specifically death

the amount of times he cries on stage performing some of these songs is unsurprising

a lot of fans send him letters of encouragement and condolences

and flowers

so many flowers

your funeral was actually a sea of flowers

some from friends and family

some from Myx's fans

but honestly mostly from Myx

his next album isn't quite so consumed with grief but honestly-- the subject always comes back up

there's also a few songs for you in there that are really sweet

it's not all tears and heartache

a few happy memories immortalized in song

though a lot of fans and critics consider the ones he wrote during that first year without you some of his most compelling and heartfelt bits of work

and it only cost him everything...

Stirling

Let us pretend my previous post about the reader gaining immortality does not exist

Stirling loses you to time

like so many things before you

and many things after

your loss stings the most though

he stayed with you until the end of your life

loving you every moment he could find

and even making some himself

but he's learned the hard way that all good things must come to an end

and frankly you were the best thing, so your end left the biggest shadow

he misses you every moment of his eternity

so many paintings and portraits of you throughout your years hang in his walls

but none of them ever did do you justice

he's found ways, like this, to surround himself with some version of your presence

though it never fully chases away the loneliness

he embraces the end gracefully

though every so often, when the night is clear and the stars are bright

he can't help but look into the heavens

think of you

and weep

Scale

Scale lost you to an enemy assassin

He doesn't know if they were going for him and just missed

or if they meant to target you just to get at him

but either way he watched in horror as a dart flew into your neck, and you fell to the ground motionless

He never stops blaming himself

He knew he was no good for you and he stuck around anyways

and look where that got you

he spends months hunting down and killing the assassin that did you in

but even bringing justice to your end doesn't make him feel any better

okay, maybe it helps a little, but it's still not enough

he sort of slinks into solitude for several years following your death

he also takes a vow of silence (for some reason--- he won't say why)

he frequently visits your grave and mourns you

he also reads over your old text convos

and he cries

a lot

he kind of lost his heart on that day

and it's truly doubtful he'll ever get it back

not with you gone

Sven

I think this one is another car

I know it's very sudden at the least

he doesn't really know how to process it at all

he's actually in quite the downward spiral for the next few months

going back and forth between trying to remain positive and being a sobbing wreck

bruh, I think your loss kinda broke him

he's seeing like 3 different therapists

they're helping a little

he still sobs uncontrollably at least once a day

honestly, I don't think he ever truly gets back to his old self

he just can't anymore

Cole

heheheheh *CRACKS KNUCKLES*

He's not sure how it happened

all he knows is that he came to on the floor next to you

He was holding you

and there was a lot of blood

you were already cold, your warmth long gone

and his head was spinning

everything was a fog

what had he...

he remembers feeling jealous

and helpless

and angry

he sort of blacked out in a spiral

there's vague flashes

you pinned behind him as

no.

no no no no no no no.

he couldn't have.

he wouldn't have.

h-he didn't mean to.

you can't be.

he staring down at your still body, limp and lifeless in his arms.

all the pieces are coming back together.

it's all coming back to him.

he let's out a nervous laugh as he shakes you gently and says your name.

It all had to be a bad dream.

That was all a dream.

He could never have...

please wake up...

he's so sorry...

please wake up...

...just be a bad dream...

Poe

I think for Mr. Poet we're gonna have to go Byronic on his ass

that's right, it's Consumption baby! Aka tuberculosis!

basically meaning you get real sick

and he's with you every step of the way

staying by your side as your body gives out

documenting ever turn with a new bit of writing or poem

he's never been so prolific

nor so heartbroken

he doesn't share any of the poems about you

He actually might pull a Dickinson and never share them

only to have them found and published after his death

he doesn't know how many pages he filled sitting by your bed side as you slept

he keeps a book of pressed flowers from throughout your decline

flowers he brought you, or ones given by the hospital or friends, a few flowers from your funeral

He probably spends the rest of his life even more listless than before

definitely more heart broken

he moves on in his writing (at least for the stuff he shares publicly)

but he never moves on in his heart

Cashew

I'm unsure how this one happens, but the follow up is the same

I think after a month or so, he tries to go back to his usual life

tries to get up, go to classes, go about his life

but he can't really care anymore

he's just going through the motions

he reads a lot of books where there's a character death to cope

also a lot of romance

and a lot of crying

he's kind of a shut in off and on for about a year

he slowly but surely bounces back

learns to be happy again

be he always knows he would be happier with you

there's a lot of pictures of you and him still floating around

he likes to try and remember you always

even if it hurts, seeing your face still makes him feel a little better

he's also def a member of the talks to your picture a lot squad

one of your pictures is his good luck charm

he got it laminated and uses it as a book mark so you can still kinda 'read with him'

Seth

OH BOY

he thought he wasn't going to care much since he deals with souls all the time

but he truly forgot what this was and now he's pissed

cocky fucker legit forgot that he lives in hell

and that's not where you end up

he doesn't really mourn like the rest of them cause you're not really gone

but he does still miss you

and is trying to tug at every string he can to try and either get himself up there or you down here

it's his new main goal, but it's gonna be a tough one

he keeps trying to trade your soul for others but the folks upstairs ain't buying it

this honestly feels like more of a set up for a rom com manga than anything else lol what is this even doing here IT'S NOT SAD ENOUGH

Logan

oh okay his can get very sad

I think his is going to be learning the hard way that you can't save everyone

and that no matter how hard to plan for something, things can still go wrong

(maybe he should be spider-man...)

but yeah, he was definitely one of the emergency services that responds to yours

he heard your address and got there so fast

but it wasn't fast enough

this loss legit takes him the majority of his life to get over

he was honestly planning to spend the rest of his life with you and that future went up in smoke

he goes to a lot of therapy, both group and one on one

and it helps

but not by much

he's definitely a different person after this all

a little less cheerful, a lot more serious

and hard to believe it but a little better at his job

he went from eye wide newbie with a hero complex to grizzled vet who knows how bad it can really get

and hey look another member of the pictures of you everywhere and he also talks to them squad

keeps a picture of you in the pocket of his fire jacket, near his chest

I mean, he already did that but now it hits different

also wears the ring he had gotten for you around his neck

(though not while working, fire fighters tend to not wear jewelry on the job cause metal hot)

lots of tears

lots of cuddle puddles with the rescue animals

occasionally names one after you

you were the love of his life

still are

Reece

Reece's is definitely a wacky space adventure gone wrong

he's shaken by the loss of you

I don't know how it happened but I know it was very sudden

spends a while in his ship just staring into the middle distance

he can't believe your gone

he spends a lot of time traveling around licking his wounds

also marshaling his forces to go face down whatever entity took you from this universe

tried to go back and save you but it always ends the same

after his last attempt he actually goes back in time to before you two even met and watches you from a distance

you look so happy, you have no idea what's about to happen to your life

he doesn't regret meeting you but he wonders often if things would've been better for YOU if he hadn't

flies solo for a few centuries

every now and then stops by and visits you in a time where you two still hadn't met

admittedly he's stalking you a bit but just in small bursts

it hurts a lot, but it also makes him feel better

try as he might, there's just some things he can never change

and the closer to home it hits, the more it hurts

Aki

WHOO BOY another immortal/semi-immortal character!

I think for all the fox boys we're going to just have you go of natural causes, no immortality for you

it's both hard for him to be sad about this and equally as impossible to not be devastated

on the one hand, you two had a beautiful life together

and having you in each others lives made them so full

but Aki's learning for the first time that part of being a kistune is seeing all good things end while you have to keep going

honestly I think all Kistune to some degree are like Aki, then Haru, then Fuyu as time goes on

like they all start to some degree young and wild and mischievous, then eventually calm a bit more and chill as they mature, and then being a live for so long matures them to such a level they're almost un-reacting cause they've seen it all

everyone's a little different but it's always roughly the same path

and this is Aki's first

you're Aki's first

his first everything

his first great love

his first great life mate

his first great loss

like all kistune before him, this is an aging mark

he's going to be a different person on the other side of this

he's still going to be Aki, just a different version of Aki

one that knows what it means to hurt on this level

he takes about a century to get over it--- well as over it as he's ever gonna get

he may one day have another mate or take another lover

but it will never be like how it was with you

I'm actually not sure if he ever pairs off with someone else for good (I'm honestly not sure any of them do)

and no matter how much time and experience changes him

or how many years pass

he still thinks back on his time with you often and gets all warm again

Haru

SO!

Natural causes, no immortality for you, you just get old and die

so they way I was talking with Aki and how all kistune probably have a similar life path as they age visa vee experiences and firsts

Haru actually is the way he is cause he was trying to AVOID that at all costs

he ran through life trying his damnest to not let anyone get too close cause he doesn't wanna deal

ESPECIALLY humans

sad, pathetic, emotional, short lived little humans

but then you actually managed to break through

and he kind of like--- got it then

like he gets it now

he understands how a connection can be worth the risk of pain

though I will say he does start the relationship fully in denial about the inevitable

he doesn't want to talk about loss, he doesn't want to think of you dying, he doesn't want to have to figure out what a world without you would be like

I think the biggest slap to the face Haru has ever gotten is when he gave you one of his 'I'm gonna spend the rest of my life pleasing you' and you kinda gently threw out 'well.... the rest of MY life anyway...'

I think hearing it from you made him actually like--- hear it ya know???

he generally doesn't loose his cool much but he def looses it then

or anytime someone brings up that you're mortal

I think all of the kitsune do at some point try and find a way to make you immortal but with Haru it's low key a thing he never gave up on

he's not always actively searching, but he's searching on the down low

weirdly I think the person that helps him cope the most with your death is you

YOU knew what you were getting into

and you're not afraid to talk about it with him

especially cause he has a hard time staying mad at you so you can kinda say whatever

he takes a lot of solace in the fact that he made your life very happy

and he enjoys the fuck out of every moment you two have together

he tries so hard not to dwell on it

but once it actually comes and is in front of him

he has a hard time processing

he's not good at processing big feelings okay

I think he might become a drunk for a while

just a grumpy depressed drunk

he actually goes back and forth between a picture of you being the last thing he wants to see and the only thing he wants to see

he's another person whose going to come out different on the other side of the loss

I think he tried at one point to take another lover but he ended up getting upset, and kicked them out before anything could happen cause he just wanted you

and now he's alone and drunk and crying, look what you've done to him

ngl I think he becomes that like--- emotionally wounded, grizzled, often drunk samurai type (like Yasuo back at the star of his story)

he went from fuck boy to lover boy to grumpy older dude whose a little stand off-ish but honestly he's actually very sweet he just has a lot of pain to work through

also even though your face is sometimes the last thing he wants to see (partly cause he's ashamed at what a wreck he's become without you), he still keeps a picture of you near his heart

Fuyu

I'm so tempted to have your end be violent with Fuyu cause he's mr. war crimes but honestly

I think growing to trust again and learning the lesson that violence was never the answer is not only Fuyu's character arch, but low key all of the kistune boys character archs????

but yeah, so no, despite my temptations

natural causes, old age, no immortality for you

so Fuyu is no stranger to death or loss

and he has seen people he cared about die (fandom headcanons, one of them WAS Natsu and I am behind the idea that he didn't wanna do it)

but you just hit differently

he truly never met anyone like you

nor has he loved anyone as deeply

nor will he again for that matter

he tries his best to mourn your death with grace

but behind closed doors he's a sobbing wreck

I think the full time line of Fuyu at least for the parts that we see him are as follows

Angy, deep down Very Sad and Lonely, Uptight, RAWR -> Learns to chill and love and repent and be more open and is just generally still kinda stuffy and stiff but a lot more warm and happy -> still not the monster he once allowed himself to become, still a bit stuffy but also still chill, very solemn, very sad

so he didn't loose his gentleness that his time with you taught him

but he did get back his sad and lonely

He thinks about you everyday

and talks to your spirit in his moments alone

( not actually your--- you're not a ghost, making that clear--- more your memory)

you honestly made him a much better dude

and your company lead to him being able to open himself to more people

but none of them are you

and they never can be

he still writes you poetry