#he isn't aware of this of course but I don't think many devils can say they have a pet dragon that isn't aware theyre a blasphemous hybrid

[rielzero]

What's Nymrod and Raphael's relationship like? Feel like there's much to speculate from the glimpse in your recent comic

Ahh yeah, so it's not exactly a realistic or healthy dynamic. Nymrod is purely pet to him at first, romantic and sexual tension only happened with some time afterwards, which is still evolving. (He purchases Nymrod from another devil a few years before the events in bg3, timelines with DIA are a bit messy so I won't comment on that.)

Raphael views Nymrod as someone he OWNS, he's quite literally property to him, but he also views him as a person he can converse with and trust..

Unlike his staff, which he beats and abuses both verbally and physically (or psychologically) Nymrod gets favored treatment. This doesn't mean he's infallible to Raphael's wrath, he simply has never done anything to give Raphael a reason to hurt him.

Suppose if you have a pet you truly favor, you'd rather keep it close for comfort than to scar it, yes? Well.. Then there's also the fact that he's a devil, even as a half-devil I don't think 2000+ years being Mephistopheles' (disgruntled) nepobaby would make you view life the same way a regular mortal character would. If anything, I was personally surprised by how violent he apparently is revealed to be once you enter the house of hope in comparison to his romanticism in your first three+ encounters with him in the game. Then again, his debtors and staff have probably given him reason to hurt them. (I don't remember if Korilla is amongst those who get abused, let me know?)

So in short, Nymrod is a favored pet who has the potential to become more than a pet. Raphael is definitely getting a bit attached to the twink disaster of a ''tiefling'' he is.

As for how Nymrod feels about him, I wouldn't say ''stockholm syndrome,'' He's been through a lot and by the time he's living comfortably in House of Hope he's long since developed romantic feelings for him. In Nym's eyes, Raphael is his savior not his owner. This is why I say it isn't exactly a healthy dynamic, haha. He also doesn't refer to him as master, which is a privilege granted that Raphael is fine with.

Otherwise do know they're both BRATS who match their freak. Nymrod looks cute but he's.. Uh, not a good person. He wasn't a good person long before got where he got.

Raphael (cambion form) Is much taller / more buff than his human form, so.. Nymrod just looks tiny here.

[instantpansies]

STRANGE NOISES FROM THE HOLE IN THE WALL HEADCANONS/INTERPRETATIONS UHHH OBVIOUS SPOILERS. CLARISSA CENTRIC CAUSE. HOLY SHIT

clarissa is to locomotion as clara is to the nutcracker. she's the kid who dreamed him into existence hundreds of years ago. i know he says he's older than the devil - i think that's still plausible, he's existed since thought but wasn't attached to the Silver Line or brought into physical existence until clarissa, lonely or in danger or just bored, imagined a world where she could escape from her everyday life and live as a grown-up(? maybe? since benjamin/timothy/billy seemed to age up as soon as he went through the portal?), with freedom and whimsy and eventually a relationship with the friendly driver.

why do i say this? because otherwise im really fucking confused lmao, that first scene where clarissa and loco are introduced is strange in the context of the end of the play. they seem to have known each other for a good while before they get on the train. they act like a young couple who's stumbled upon the silver line as an escape from danger and now they're excited for their new life in a new, safe world. except that loco also says he's been driving the train for years.

(looking back, that very much feels like a scenario from a child's imagination - or perhaps a dream - where of course he's been doing this for years, that's his job, but of course they're glad they've found the train together, this is a new experience for her so it's just an extension of her perspective)

but clara is, she says, a child when she gets on the train. idk how old "little girl" is, but if we run with this headcanon and also assume that the timeline is both linear and literal, she's imagining herself in some form of a sexual relationship with loco at a pretty young age.

i posit that this can be reconciled in several ways (some more disturbing or inappropriate than others), but one thing that could be considered is that the first scene where loco and clarissa are introduced is symbolic of their relationship over the course of the train's history. depending on how old clarissa was when she first dreamt the world into existence, she might not have even been very aware of loco, and spent her time just enjoying the escapism or whatever. after a few years or however long, she starts to get older and decides to learn how she's actually done this, maybe spends a long time trying to understand exactly what's going on. maybe her research leads her to a relationship with loco, i don't know. they do get on the train together, maybe, when they're both young (or, well, relatively speaking) and new to the world, and loco eventually has been driving the train for years and years and clarissa makes it a bit more tolerable with some companionship after a long lonely time. but those things don't happen simultaneously, because i think those things don't really work simultaneously. that scene is a sort of speedrun/amalgamation of how the two of them have interacted over the years. and yeah i guess that means they fucked at one point in there

(im going to be transparent, some of that is a bit of cope/rationalization. i think loco and the conductor are very exes/begrudging coworkers vibes, but i do like clarissa and loco together as well - unsettlingly powerful girl x eldritch being with a soft spot is a very good trope. and im trying to make it work out okay? give me a break lol. you don't have to agree with me on this, but once i see a luke and tom couple with a fun and compelling dynamic i will not let them go even if the ethics get a bit hard to explain later on. sorry, anyways moving on)

additionally, and i probably should have said this earlier, a reason i think this whole nutcracker theory holds up is because clarissa holds a sort of unique power in the world. she's been on the silver line for hundreds of real-years, who knows how many train-years, and still remembers her name and something of her old life. loco isn't hostile to her, even confirming her memory of her name and reminding her of her birthdate. with everyone else (ex. benjamin), he actively discourages them from remembering their lives. despite seemingly being one of the oldest passengers, she doesn't transform for hundreds of years. she obviously has some significance.

you know how that ties in? if this is clarissa's world, if her mind is what created the whole thing, then i think it makes sense to assume it's tied to her. as she begins to question her surroundings, then panic as she realizes she can't leave, her emotional and/or mental state becomes less stable, less utopic, less perfect. the dream begins to turn into a nightmare. and it becomes. well. an ouroboros. the snake eats its own tail and the train goes in circles and the escapist fantasy clarissa once loved becomes a prison of her own design. trapped in the very thing that was supposed to save her.

maybe that's why anthony and benjamin can get out when they do - as clarissa's world decays, as she finally begins to become part of the nightmare, as she melds with the train, the world has to shift a bit. it's reaching the point of no return - once clarissa has been fully sucked in, the train will never stop again. falling into an infinite nothing. but in that moment, there's one final chance for the conductor to stall locomotion, one final leap that could at last pull benjamin and anthony and everyone who's been sucked in by clarissa's black hole of a nightmare out of the portal and back into the real world.

and now, clarissa has lost three hundred years of a life that should never have lasted so long. gained perhaps thousands of years of memories of joy and connection and despair and panic and forever forever forever. and she is once again trapped in a vessel of her own making - her body is that of the child she has not been for lifetimes. her world is dead and gone - not just the world she created, but the world she escaped from as well. what of locomotion, that brief flash of connection? does he even exist anymore? who is she, now? who was she? where can she possibly go from here?

shoutout delirium_undead on discord for going along with the nutcracker theory and helping me flesh this out. your ideas are so galaxy brained and i am forever in your debt

[silversiren1101]

Oh! How about 11 and 41 for the relationship ask game? How do Regill and Minovae feel about these? 🤗

Thank you for the ask!

11. Who causes the most arguments?

Arguing is a strong term for them - they rarely ever fight fight but more get into heated discussions and disagreements. As for who causes the most? I think they're about equal. Neither are afraid to speak up and vocalize a disagreement with the other, and both are just as likely to do or say something that the other will think needs addressing.

The major exception is Mino's reluctance to share her problems with people, especially him at first. He will get very annoyed she keeps trying to do everything herself even when he can see she is clearly struggling. This usually prompts a more serious argument.

41. What green flags do they have for one another?

Mino to Regill: the small concessions he does make. He seems so iron-willed and rigid to everyone, unable to compromise, but Mino sees he is actually always compromising in some way. He is the most strict on himself and while he will always put his viewpoint and preference first, when others object or suggest otherwise, he almost always compromises in some way. It takes a rather objectionable order for him to absolutely plant his feet and brace.

Few others see it too especially in the Crusade because there aren't many civilians around, but he definitely does not hold anyone outside of the military to the same ridiculously strict standards that he does himself, fellow knights, soldiers, etc. He treats those in the Crusade with such severity because, well, they chose to be here. They signed up for this and are consenting to extreme measures that need to be taken in a war the literal Abyss. With civilians outside of the warfront, however? They're who he's fighting for and they get a completely different type of treatment (though it's a little more condescending, like a "just keep your head down and don't worry about what's going on that's our job you don't need to know").

Lastly - his focus on preserving lives. Victory at all costs is his primary objective, but Mino sees in most of his military council suggestions and of course serving with him that his secondary objective is "--and get as many of us through this as possible." Sometimes it simply isn't possible, but asking for more heavily armored units, balking at bravado and cavalry charges, shoring up the front line for a more powerful backline. There's no point in such rigid order if there's no people left in the end to see the fruits of it. He sees nothing glorious in death in battle and prolonged deaths either. His orders to kill the wounded at the Reliable Redoubt came from a cold mercy: it'd be better to die quickly and humanely than carried off and torturously turned into a ghoul to fuel the enemy forces and fight against your former brothers.

Regill to Mino: She is full of mercy and patience, and while he sees her get hurt from it often, he also is fully aware that she always puts herself in that defensive line. She sees little issue with trusting and extended second chances because if someone gets hurt, she is the first in line, and she would rather risk harm to herself than not giving someone truly repentant another chance. He knows that the second the risk extends past herself though, or if someone is truly beyond saving, her ability to enforce order and justice is a frightening sight to behold. Her mercy can run out, and she can be the Hellknight she was trained to be without question once that point is reached and The Little Linnorm emerges from its hibernation.

He does acknowledge that one of the major roadblocks he has to his idea of orderly society is that there must be a focus on reform as opposed to just punishment. Hellknights are forged through the practices of Hell: punishment and suffering to reforge oneself into a stronger willed being and protector much like a sinner's soul is tortured and burned until everything is purged from it and a devil is born. But civilians? There is no way one can expect civilians to calmly submit to punishment and just be improved from it.

He admires her for this greatly even as much as her tendency towards self-sacrifice worries and frustrates him on a more personal level.

Her bright personality is also a green flag, as he knows that while it would be ideal if every civilian just behaved perfectly and cooperated as necessary with Hellknights on sight and recognition alone, that is an impossible goal. Mino's bright appearance and her ability to get the common people to trust her is a major asset, and while he would disapprove of most other Hellknights being so 'flippant' or 'carefree' he knows that hers is a tool as much as it comes naturally to her in her line of work. It's a deliberate choice and she can also put on that more typical Hellknight disposition as necessary.

[alarrytale]

Hi Marte hope you're doing well! it's going to be a long ask so I apologize in advance but I wanted to share my experience here x

In July I went to Harry's show in Madrid, initially I was planning on going alone since my friends are not fans but I ended up talking to a girl in a WhatsApp group who was close to my age (I'm 30 she's 26) we met the day of the show and went together. While we were waiting for Wet Leg to perfom we talked a lot, she is a 1D fan since almost the beggining but her favorite always has been Harry so she fall under the category harrie/directioner. Anyways there were a couple of things that caught my attention because I'm a Larrie so I'm used to seeing things through our pov so it was fun to see how harrieland works.

The first thing that surprised me was the fact that she didn't like Jeff Azoff (she was also aware of the lawsuit against his dad) I truly thought we were the only ones who didn't really like or trust him (I'm not saying he is the controlling devil some Larries paint him to be but it's obvious he is not a good person and I've only seen Harries defend him on social media because he's Harry's friend). She made a interesting point saying it was weird that someone as kind as Harry is friends with awful people like Jeff, James Corden or Olivia and that made her sometimes reconsider who he is a person.

I asked her about Holivia because I was super intrigued what her opinion was about that shitshow. She made it clear she didn't like Olivia at all so I asked her: Did you really thing they were a couple? And her answer was yes "because they were two years together" (apparently two years its way too long to be a pr relationship for some people lol) I swear I had to contain my laugh, so I told her: And don't you think it's weird they started dating while they were filming the movie and suddenly break up two days after it premiered on HBO? I kid you not she was shocked like she didn't think about that before but she insisted that two years was too much and I replied something like: Do you realise the movie had to be postponed a few times due to covid restrictions and it was supposed to premiere way sooner? Do you really think Harry is going to fall in love with someone like Olivia? She didn't say anything but it was obvious she did understand the point and was processing the information.

Later the conversation turned to be about Brad and the funny rumors about him and Harry, she didn't believe they were a thing but while we were on the topic I asked her: you don't really think Harry's straight right??? And the answer was what you can expect from a harrie: she thinks he is bisexual. I didn't try to change her mind because what's the point but it made me think that if someone open minded who is a fan for so many years don't think he's gay I can understand why hets, gp and some solos think he is straight.

Finally I talked about how I was saving money to buy merch at Louis show since he's my favorite, I like Harry but I was more into Louis and I wish you could've seen the shocked expression on her face lmao I swear she looked like she couldn't believe it (it's not like she hates Louis or anything that's why I found it funny that she was so surprised) and after a few seconds she asked me if i was a Larrie (I also found so funny that the first thing that comes to her mind was Larry because I told her at the beggining I'm a directioner and I'm also going to Niall's show next year so why your first thought is that?) I was honest with her tho and said yes that I was a Larrie since 2012 when I started being fan of 1D and through the years I haven't change my mind about them, she didn't agree but was respecful.

The last topic was Freddie, of course, she literally asked me if i was one of the "weirdos" that thought Freddie isn't Louis son. I wanted to be honest as well and tell her my opinion about bbg but I knew she wouldn't understand and everything we talked about before which truly seem to made an impact on her wouldn't have meant anything because I was "crazy" for thinking Louis is not a dad. So I kinda avoid the question and tell her I was not like the ones that are always making everything they do a Larry proof.

Again I'm really sorry for the long ask I just find really interesting seeing things from the pov of someone who is neither a Larrie or a het/anti

Hello, anon! I'm well, thank you 💜

It's always interesting getting outsiders point of view. Harrieland must be such a confusing place to be. She's showing so much cognitive dissonance, just by you giving a bit of information and connecting a few dots for her. I'm not surprised she doesn’t like Jeff or O. That's pretty universal in fandom i reckon.

You should have asked her if she thinks Louis is straight. If Harry is bisexual, does she think Harry could've had feelings for Louis at some point (txf days)? You could also give arguments to why Harry is not bisexual. Depending on the answers you could've given her a bit more to ponder over. Or maybe that would be pushing it. It's just goes to show it's not actually that hard to make others see different when you show them where to look. Bg is a big hurdle for some, but if you help them connect all the other dots, it isn't that hard to see why bg is fake too. The take away here is maybe it won't be such a shock to people when Harry comes out (as gay). It's a good thing.

[xanthezhoupropaganda]

Xanthe closes their eyes and takes a deep breath. This absolutely can be happening, of course it can, this is the sort of thing that always happens when you start dealing with things that go bump in the night, and it's not like they're not used to dealing with demons and devils - the human sacrifice is new - but not ones that used to sit next to them in trig before they, well, died.

"You never called me," the demon says, halfway in a whine, and, oh, fuck. Right. That was... what was it, Gloria? And she moved - not too far, just to Bludhaven on the promises that it was up and coming property - and then the summer got away from them, and then everything got away from them and... actually, if she's a demon, maybe Bludhaven wasn't as coincidental as all that.

"Right," says Xanthe, "sorry, I was busy." At least it's not justifying coming back from the dead. At least it's not an awkward reunion with someone he hoped never to see again. Or, well, it is awkward, and it's sort of a reunion, but Gloria was always fun, kind of fickle, kind of hard to pin down if you had anything scheduled, but always willing to run out and grab extra ice. Always with the best playlists. Always with terrible advice and a shoulder to cry on.

"For four years?" Gloria says, crossing her arms where she hovers in midair, feet kind of vaguely melting into mist instead of steady on a cloud the way they should be. "I was really starting to think you just forgot about me. Which, not cool, but also, hey, congrats."

"Congrats?" Xanthe says, weakly, snapping their fingers and catching the lockpicks as they fall, not bothering to be subtle about it because the cultists are all frozen where they stand, staring in terror at Gloria, who's dropped her hood. The shadows shrouding her are still misting away, but they haven't gotten to her feet yet. At least her voice doesn't clap with thunder every time she speaks.

"Big life change, huh?" Gloria says, winking, and Xanthe's breath catches in his throat. Don't say that name, he thinks, lungs starting to think they should burn but not quite sure it's time yet, not when he spends so long never breathing. He'll tell her his name now, he will, demon or not, true name or not, just as long as she doesn't say that.

Actually, they're not even sure she's the type of demon that can use any kind of True Name against you. Some friend, huh?

"The ghost thing," Gloria says, leaning in and whispering directly into Xanthe's ear, like she's worried he might be afraid of the cultists overhearing. As if they could do anything. They're a bunch of regular humans, and Xanthe isn't even chained up anymore, not that cold iron has much of any impact on his powers at all. Gloria chews her lips and settles to the ground. "You are aware you're a ghost?"

"I'm not really a ghost," Xanthe says, with an eyeroll, and that sentence is too familiar in all kinds of directions. The thing is. If they talk to Gloria, she's almost certainly in touch with someone else, lots of other people, maybe, and there's only so many times Xanthe wants to explain how they died and how they didn't really. There's only so many times Xanthe wants to come out.

"Gotcha, gotcha," Gloria says, nodding, fidgeting with her fingers now that the mist has condensed off her hands and she doesn't have it to swirl menacingly anymore. She turns to the cultists. "Oh, no worries, guys, honest mistake, boon and all, sure, take this one as a freebie. We'll pick up next week. I won't tell if you won't!"

Xanthe rubs their wrists as they jump off the table, eyeing the cultists warily, but no one makes any moves towards them, and they make it to the door unscathed. They're not quite a teenager (and, often, they're not quite in Gotham) and this wasn't the mystery they'd intended to investigate, but someone's going to want to know. Only Gloria's going to want nobody to know, so that's maybe going to be a little bit of an issue.

Xanthe wishes Gloria hadn't been such a good friend, back when she was a friend.

"So," says Gloria, tugging off her ominous robe and hanging it in the air, as if on a hook, where it promptly disappears. "Coffee?"

You’re about to be sacrificed by a cult, but when the demon appears before you, it speaks with the voice of your high school friend and says “Hey man, haven’t seen you in forever!”

[willel]

do you believe the theory that Mike parallels Brenner in regards to their relationship w El? I personally don’t as I think it’s a bit extreme to compare a 14 year old boy who’s still navigating the idea of love with a grown man who is abusive and takes advantage of vulnerable children.

-sigh- No. I've seen that and no I just don't. If it is a parallel, then it's a foil. You know, the opposite of not similar to

I've mostly seen people use it in shipping arguments and people, that does NOT look good for your side, ok? Brenner is literally scum of the earth and to even slightly relate the two together is just.... terrible. It would make Mike a terrible kid, which he isn't.

Has he stumbled? Yeah, he's a dummy little pre-teen teenage boy. He's had his head stuffed into too many comic books and thought he knew how a person with super powers should act. (not overworking themselves, keeping their hidden identity up. All that jazz like some marvel movie)

That is not the same as Brenner who kidnapped El as an infant and pushed her and her other lab siblings to the brink "for science" because of his own overinflated ego.

Their goals, their intentions, their beliefs are just not the same. If Mike and Brenner have been compared to each other, it's to show that he is different from him, that he's not a scumbag, just a dumb dumb sometimes.

The only characters who have really been compared to Brenner explicitly are Henry/Mind Flayer and Hopper.

Hopper was directly compared to Brenner by El, because Hopper was keeping her trapped in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere with no one to talk to except him. Hopper was doing it because "he knew best". While Hopper was right, he was also very wrong and he knew he could find a way to allow El to communicate with her friends without blowing his cover. He was just being greedy, stupid, and cowardly, but he got over it. He was able to change and grow as a person and pseudo father, which is why El willingly stayed with him (Even now, if El wanted to just leave, she could. They wouldn't try to stop her)

Unlike Brenner, who pretended like El could go or stay as she pleased, Brenner couldn't grow as a person. He stayed the same old greedy ego driven scientist who would never let go of El if he had a choice. Whether he restrained her by force, drugs, or even a shock collar.

As for Henry/Mind Flayer, doubt we really need to go over those, but Henry obviously picked up a lot of tricks from Brenner while he was imprisoned in the lab. Alllll the way back in season 2 I was picking up how the Mind Flayer was framed similarly to Brenner, a monster. An overwhelming "force" chasing after their unwilling target, making them do terrible things against their will. It all fits.

All of that to say, I am acutely aware of similarities and parallels with Brenner. Mike is not one of them, he's the opposite of Brenner but even that is irrelevant because Hopper mostly fills that role.

My advice when coming up with theories or character links for the sake of ships, be very careful not to paint a character out to be the devil. I'm sorry, but it's very hard to then turn around and proclaim that character is actually an angel when they're with someone else.

Instead, you should only focus on why maybe a relationship has run its course, or ways in which the old relationship can be laid to rest so a new one can begin. No one has to be a bad guy or like the bad guy for that to happen. You don't have to compare their relationship to literal abuse to come up with something that works and makes sense. There are better ways to craft a fun theory/evidence!

[healpeony]

Love Story

Levi Ackerman x reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; Levi's and Y/n love isn't accepted by many specially Y/n's parents, an Eldian and a Marleyan? a great represention of Persephone's and Hades love.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; profanity, angst, scene of smut (not explicitly described), violence, blood, being called whore (by her mother), homophobia (also used by her mother), spoilers.

Taglist; @icedkoffees

Note; she/her pronouns used for the reader as well as female anatomy. Also I'm using what Isayama said about how Levi would act shy around his crush and him being uncomfortable with sexual intercourse. And I also want to add that I don't know much about what happens when the Marleyans invaded Paradise, and I also added my own thing to help with my plot so this could be call a cannonverse!au.

PERSEPHONE a young women who's innocence was taken from her the moment she was kidnapped by her uncle, who fell in love with her. Despite her mother's (Demeter) attempts to fully get her back right away from the hands of her brother, it was too late that wasn't going to happened not after Hades persuaded Persephone to eat four seeds of pomegranate, which forced someone to have a connection with their captor, making them come back to them.

Each spring time Persephone would be living with her mother on earth, while in winter she was with Hades in the underworld.

Levi was the Persephone to Y/n's Hades, she being the one who used him and their love for each other was the pomegranate making Levi come back to her.

It's ironic how their love story started with y/n getting taken away from Marley, a place she called home.

Even though she wasn't necessarily kidnaped, she was sent away to accomplish a mission in a place called Paradise, she found it ridiculous how it was named that way when that land was full of devils.

Y/n was shipped to Paradise along with the warriors. She was going to infiltrate into the Survey Corps where she would hopefully sabotage every expedition without getting caught.

Her mission was to make sure none of the warriors get too cozy in the foreign place, and to focus on their mission, but it was impossible to do so when all the people who were described as devils, were actually just like them. Humans.

She was older than those kids being 22 when they were still 15, y/n loved them, they were like little siblings to her and it hurt when they lost Marcel, the jaw.

"Oi brat! Stay focused" the voice of her captain took her out of her train of thoughts

Captain Levi, he was called humanity strongest and was also what everyone called their only hope. At first Y/n didn't understood why he needed such a big tittle, but after being in his squad and witnessing him showing his skills and his hatred towards titans, she got why.

"I'm sorry captain" she saluted, which was dismissed by him

"You called what you did back in the kitchen, cleaning?" he asked pointing towards the place he just mentioned "There is dust everywhere, go and clean everything again, I don't want to see any dust in there again. That's where our food is made, you idiot"

Without another word he left, and when she felt like he was out of earshot, she kicked a chair, breaking it. He might be Humanities strongest, but he was soo irritating, so obsessed with cleaning. That's what they always did for the most part of their time.

"there is dust everywhere my ass" she mocked Levi's voice while looking around the kitchen she just finished cleaning minutes ago

She had made sure everything was left without a spot of dust, how in the world did Levi saw dust anywhere.

After she had cleaned the kitchen area, Levi had send her to clean the stables which took a lot of time since he told her to clean alone. It was already sun down when she had finished.

She was exhausted, her clothes were pooled with sweat and glued to her skin making her uncomfortable, she really needed a shower.

"Go take a shower" the sudden voice of the raven man scare the hell out of her

"Fuck Captain!" y/n yelled, putting a hand on her chest as if that would calm her speeding heart beat

"Go now, and then come to eat dinner with us" he continued, the blank stare he gave her when they made eye contact given her chills

"Yes, sir" she saluted, before leaving

The mess hall was well a mess, the cadets eat like animals. The same soup and bread they always eat, Y/n found it extremely annoying how the Military Police get all the meat when the Survey Corps were the ones doing the only brave work inside the walls.

"Y/n if you're not going to eat your soup can I have it?" Sasha asked

Oh, how much she wanted to say no, but she had a reputation to hold and she didn't want the soup anyway.

Y/n faked a smile, (one that everyone thought that was genuine) before saying "of course, Sasha" passing the bowl full of hot soup to the girl

"Thanks!"

Y/n felt how eyes were burning through her skull and turned her head to look down the table, just to see Captain Levi staring at her with a suspicious look in his eyes.

Oh shit, if he in some way found out about who she really was, she was fucked. The young women tried her best to stay seated, but her nerves didn't let her making her stand up.

"I'm exhausted, I think I'm going to sleep"

It wasn't a lie she was tired from all the cleaning, but she didn't want to sleep, she just needed to desperately get out of there.

When she was finally outside, y/n leaned against the wall, sliding down while taking a deep breath.

"You know, it isn't good to fake smile to your friends"

Y/n immediately turn around at the sudden voice of her captain, he did it again, he scared the living shit out of her.

"Captain!, Stop doing that!" her face felt warmer than usual for some reason

Was she blushing?

"Why did you do it? Are you sad?" Levi asked putting down a handkerchief on the ground before sitting next to her, looking over at her examinating her face

"Oh it's just stress" Y/n replied, praying that he would just believe her

"I see.." he turned towards the sky where the moon shined brightly along with the stars

What Y/n thought that would be a awkward silence, turned into a comfortable one. They just stared at the sky above them, it remind Y/n that she had a family waiting for her outside the walls and she was not going to disappoint them by getting comfy with the captain, even though she didn't know what his intentions were.

"I'm going to take a nap" she stood up, and called over her shoulder "Have a good night, captain" before proceeding to walk towards her room

"Good night, cadet..."

Y/n didn't know when it happened, was it when they continued sitting together and looking at the sky in complete silence, or was it when in some of those same nights they spoke more and more about each other's personal life (in none of those conversations she mentioned Marley, but still talked about her family). She didn't remember how her feelings for him changed, but they did.

Right now she was there, in the same spot on the wall with Levi next to her. They were even in first name basics with each other.

The raven man cleared his throat catching her attention, turning her head to the side to look at him she noticed how he was blushing.

"I.. I think is pretty obvious what I feel for— about you by now"

A surprised noice escaped Y/n mouth, she expected to have that talk with him some day, but not today or Levi being so straight forward with the subject.

The women could only nod, her brain still processing what he just said.

"I was wondering, if you felt the same.." his voice dropped to a whisper, while he looked down

"No" she shaked her head, making Levi looked up at her eyes widened with embarrassment at the rejection "Look, Levi.. it's just that I have done terrible things that you're not aware of. You don't want to be with me"

"Then tell me what terrible things you have done and let me be with you after your done" Levi said

"No, Levi you don't understand" tears pooled in her eyes, y/n didn't even remember the last time she had cry "I can't be with you"

"Why? Is it because of the terrible things you have done? Well guess what everybody has their own flaws, everybody in this world is an angel, at least until they get tired of the cruelty in it and let the demons take over" Levi grabbed her face between his hands, wiping the falling tears from her face "I want to be with you, wether you have let your demons take over or not"

Y/n felt the man lean in to place his lips to hers, they stayed pressed together without movement, before Levi pull away and kissed her again this time letting his emotions be known through the kiss.

Passion. Love. Care.

This is a moment in her life she would never forget not even when hers and the warriors mission is over.

Retaking of wall Maria

"I let you. I fucking let you in!"

Levi stood infront of her heartbroken, she told him, now he knew everything..

"Levi-" however she wasn't able to continue speaking since she received a kick right in the face making her fall on her side

She looked at Levi surprised, he had kicked her. Y/n knew she deserved, but it still hurt to have someone you loved hit you.

"You lied about everything didn't you? For what, to get information?" his voice was cracking slightly with each word he said "Was it necessary to use me for your stupid plans?"

"I didn't use you!, What I felt for you was real" y/n said defending her feelings

"I don't even know what is real about you anymore, is Y/n actually your name? Or is it just another lie?"

"It is my name.." she weakly murmured tasting blood in her tongue, she figured that her lip might have been split open from the impact

"Oh good to know"

Sarcasm tried to cover his hurt voice, which actually didn't work, since Y/n could clearly hear his shaky breath and it made her feel soo guilty.

"I hate you"

Those three little words were enough to make her world come crashing down, he hated her. Of course he did, it hurt so much but she had seen this coming, and she still didn't felt ready for it.

"I'm sorry, Levi"

That was all she said to him, before she was grabbed by a titan being controlled by Zeke, taking her away from the place where she meet someone who meant so much to her.

One thing that she was sure of was that

She will never forget Levi Ackerman.

Screams, that was what was heard everywhere. Kids either with their parents or alone were running desperately trying to find shelter, and that broke Y/n's heart.

She was tired of all the fighting, she was tired of pretending to be stronger than she felt. For once she just wanted peace and happiness, something that she didn't quite have the past four years.

How did they got here? That was one of the many questions going through her head, but one that she paid more attention to was the most important

Was he here too?

"There you are, piece of shit."

That voice, it was him. It might have changed, but she could recognize it everywhere, the same voice who used to startle her everytime they saw each other, the voice that bought her comfort, the voice of the man she fell in love with.

It was Levi.

Slowly she proceeded to turn around, the fear for what might happen next running through her veins. She was ready to be killed by him.

Finally she look up and saw the same man she fell in love with, the only change that she saw was the uniform, apart from that he still seem like he had the same height as before and from the look on his face he still had the same temper.

"Nice uniform, I like it" she told him quietly not knowing what to say

Levi scoffed at her statement, taking his blade out. So he was going to kill her.

"You can go ahead and kill me, might as well add another ghost to haunt you"

Did she felt fear? Yes she did, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

"Shut up" that was his response, before he connected his blade with her cheek leaving a long but not deep cut "You're going to come with me"

"I'm not going anywhere!"

The last thing he told her was that he hated her, why would he want her to come back to Paradise?, Was it to use her for information? Or because he missed her? It was stupid to think of the latter question, but she was still hopeful.

"I'm not asking, you brat"

That was the last thing she heard before he knocked her out.

"How could you be with a devil?!"

Her mom's scream hurt her eardrums, Zeke had told them about how she had been in a relationship with a so call devil. That seem like the only thing Zeke could do apart from throwing rocks, snitch.

"You were send there for a reason Y/n! No child of mine should've or should be with one of those devils!"

"Mother, I'm so sorry it's just that it would be easier for me to get the information about them that I wanted"

That was a lie. She loved Levi, even though she didn't get the chance to say it to him. She did, and that feeling wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Her father stood next to her mother quietly looking at her with disgusts as if she was the trash people get rid of because of the smell, she hated that, it hurt to have your own parents hating on you.

"So what? For a piece of information, you had to go and whore yourself in there?"

Y/n gasped looking at her mom shocked "What? No mother, I didn't do anything like that with him!" she argue

That wasn't a lie, Levi was uncomfortable with sexual intercourse, since his own mother worked in a brothel and he had been the witness of how much that act hurt his mother, he had trusted her enough to tell her that.

"Good, you still have your purity." her mom nodded, before letting out a sigh "At least it wasn't with a women, you would've been completely kicked out of this house young lady"

"Now go take a shower, make sure to wash away every memory in that land while doing so." her mom smiled softly her hand reaching out to touch her cheek, before hugging her "My poor baby, having to live with those devils for so long. Don't worry you're home now, you're safe with us"

What once was her home didn't feel like home anymore, her house was just a place, her home was the person she left behind in Paradise.

Y/n didn't remember how many days have passed or what was going on outside of her cell. She didn't know in what prison she was in, but just a few days ago it had seem like there was a whole damn war going on outside.

She hasn't seen Levi since he put her into the cell, and she was scared that something might have happened to him. She heard the door of the corridor open, Y/n stood up walking towards the bars to see who it was, it was Hange.

"Y/n" Hange nodded at her as if they were saying hi "He said your name, so we think it would be good if you saw him"

"Who are you talking about?" Y/n asking looking at them confused

"Levi"

Her heart immediately speed up, something happened to him. Her anxiety grew each passing second as she took step by step through the halls, Hange having a hold of her arm to make sure she didn't try to run away.

"What happened to him?" Y/n questioned scared for what the answer might be

"Explosion" was all they said, before entering a room that seems to be Levi's, there was only a nurse sitting in a chair probably just there just in case Levi needed something

"Thanks, you can stand outside. We would call if we need you" Hange told the nurse who nodded and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, but not before throwing Y/n a look of disapproval about her being there.

Y/n ran to Levi's side as soon as the nurse was out, he had bandages in one side of his face, and on his hands. Tears started sliding down the young women's cheek while Hange looked at her with pity, but also cautiously not wanting her to do anything that might hurt Levi.

"Levi.." she whispered, even though

y/n felt bad about disturbing him from his sleep knowing how difficult it was for him to do so, she wanted to hear his voice, reassuring her that he was going to be ok "Everything it's going to be fine, right Hange? Tell him"

“Yeah, I agree with you y/n”

She didn't knew who she was trying to convince herself or Levi, but that didn't matter, because she felt a squeeze in one hand and immediately look down to see that Levi was the one holding it. Y/n look back up to his face seeing how his eye was open and he was staring directly at her.

Y/n smiled "Hey darling, you're okay now" she let out those word between sobs "— I'm sorry for everything Levi, for not telling you where I was really from, for letting you fall in love with me when I knew how it was going to bed. I'm so sorry for every misery that I have put you through"

Levi squeezed her hand again "- 's ok, I f—orgive you" his words came out has a whisper and he struggled to speak but she heard him clearly

Hange watched the scene playing out infront of them, they could see how much those two loved each other. They were like a puzzle, that could figure each other out, knowing each piece of themselves like the back of their hands.

It has been a month and a half exactly since Y/n had seen Levi in the bed witnessing how helpless he looked, she had never seen him like that and wasn't planning to anytime soon, since then she hadn't left his side.

He was currently touching her bare back leaving kisses down her neck, their naked chest pressed together, hot and sweaty.

"Levi..." she moaned softly

This was their first time being intimate, and she didn't want him to feel pressured into anything.

"I know what you're going to say, and I want to how much as you" he said before continuing marking her, claiming her as his

Each move of his hips against hers, reminded her of who she was with. The gentleness in his touch making her forget about the world around them. The softness of his lips against hers taking her breath away.

It wasn't just the pleasure that made Levi take the decision of doing this with her, this was his own way of showing how far he would go just to be with her, to come out of his comfort zone just to shower her with intimate kisses and touches that he and neither would she forget.

“I love you Levi”

Her skin was the canvas, and his lips was the brush painting each part of her body.

“I love you too...”

“You will come back with us immediately young lady!" her mother said trying to remain calm infront of the devils

The rumbling was over, Eren Yeager was killed. Paradise and Marley were allies, but that doesn't mean they have forgiven each other for what each have done. Many Marleyans and Eldians from Marley came to visit out of curiosity, while people from Paradise went to explore the world (if we are talking about visiting the outside world and finding new things as much as possible), but they never want to visit Marley afraid that they might get turn into titans and angry for what those monsters have done to other people.

"I'am old enough to make my own decisions, mother" Y/n had answered, wanting to remain as calm as she could

"His manipulating you isn't he?"

"How dare you!—" Y/n yelled, before regaining her composure, her voice going back to calm but being loud and firm at the same time "I love him, he didn't manipulate me into anything. It's bold of you to assume that, mother"

"We're your family, your place it's with us!"

Some of the Military Police who were there scoffed along with some of the scouts, they have warmed up to Y/n already, but the Marleyans didn't seem to accept that one of themselves loved an Eldian, specially from Paradise.

"You're my family? Then where were you when I needed you the most?, All I needed when I returned to Marley four years ago was my mother!, The one who an illusion of my mind created, a sweet mom who would love me for being her child, and not see me as an object" Y/n couldn't remain calm anymore she needed to let everything out "— The time I spent with him, I got to truly know what comfort was, what being loved and being needed felt like! And you—" with tears in her eyes she turned to her father who was quiet, like he always was "You're so afraid of mom that you don't even dare to speak for yourself!, You did nothing to help your own daughter!, You just watched as she was raised to be something she didn't want to be!"

She spoke out her mind finally letting out those built up words that haunted her, needing to be said "— I thank you for everything though, despite not given me the love that I needed, your own choices took me to where we are now. Without those decisions, I wouldn't have met Levi so I thank you, for what you both did" she smiled at them

Her mom stood there quietly, before turning around and walking towards the door, her father following close behind "Don't bother returning home" was all her father said

"I won't"

She was already home, she was standing next to it. Holding his hand, Levi Ackerman was the safe place she will always and forever need.

“— And they lived happily ever after”

Y/n closed the book, looking at the twins, her daughter and son who had fallen asleep half way through the story.

“Please tell me you didn't read to them the explicit parts”

The voice of her husband scared her and she turned to him, who stood by the door leaning into it.

“Of course not you idiot!”

She stood up turning off the lamp and given both of the children kisses on their head, before going out of the room with Levi.

“I still think we should publish this book” Y/n smirked, a mischievous look in her eyes

“Absolutely not”

Yeah, their Love Story had a happy ending after all.

This was so much fun to write! I wrote 4k words and I'm proud of that! I feel like my writing has improved in the past few days, and this might be one of the works that will show it, and I hope future ones show the progress too! Also I want to punch y/n's mother in the face.

Thank you so much for reading, you can support my work by hitting reblog or liking! But don't repost to other platforms!

[arkus-rhapsode]

Hey so I wanted to make a quick addition to this post given some recent news. So as most people are pretty aware-Astro Bot came out and its been getting a lot of reviews, but like it also feels like it kinda proved one of my theories about Sony's approach to the playstation brand.

So Astro Bot and Astro's Playroom really lean on the history of playstation and you'll find mountains of fan service and references to all types of characters and properties from playstation. But if you notice, its not all exclusive Sony stuff.

Like look here on the promo art you can see God of War, Horizon, and Uncharted. All Playstation IP. But then you get into the game and there's references to like Street Fighter and Crash Bandicoot. And in Astro's Playroom you'd have stuff like Final Fantasy 7 and Devil May Cry references.

Now in my previous post I made it known that it seems like Sony had always made the playstation brand less about their actual homegrown games and more playstation as a platform. As the playstation was for many third parties the place to escape to. And like I said, it really ended up muddying the water of playstation's identity. Crash was the mascot platform of playstation like Mario and Sonic, but he was never made and owned by the companies that created the hardware like Mario and Sonic.

This is partially why when we got Playstation All-Stars, so many people were left confused about the roster and the sad truth was, a lot of those characters were first party characters Sony could use while stuff like Final Fantasy, Tomb Raider, Spyro, and Crash were out of reach as third parties (Of course there was still tons of other Sony characters they could've used and not just the PS3 era, but I digress).

Now let me be clear, Astro Bot is a fan service platform all about celebrating the history of Playstation. And Crash, Final Fantasy, Tekken, Street Fighter etc. all have a place in the history of Playstation. Im not saying the toy chest needs to be "pure." But it really just makes me think of how much Sony really hasn't got that much of a defined brand.

Like you compare them to Nintendo: Nintendo are masters of branding so much so that when there was a hard horror game like Eternal Darkness, people don't really think of it as "Nintendo." And of course, Nintendo has made its characters basically the life blood of their advertisements and why you should play their console. Nintendo is the home of these IP you can't get anywhere else.

That's not to say Nintendo has a history connected to third party properties, but lets say hypothetically Nintendo made their own version of Astro Bot where there's a crap ton of fan service and celebrate the history of the company. Nintendo is more than likely gonna highlight their series, even their obscure ones like NES Golf, before they're like having cameos from Dragon Quest or Mega Man or Professor Layton.

Wait. They did that, it was called Captain Rainbow.

Now once again, I'm not saying this is a bad game or that this choice is bad, this isn't about gamekeeping what is and isn't a playstation game and what should be here. But going back to Hiroki Totoki's original statement "We don't have much IP that we've fostered" I'd say the best advice I can give him then is that maybe they should like actually work on their branding then. Like as of now, the most people think of when the think playstation are usually big AAA cinematic games like The Last of Us, Uncharted, God of War Ragnarok-your Naughty Dog style games.

Like if you're gonna make these new IP then you gotta make the Sony and Playstation brand more identifiable. People shouldn't be wonder why they can get Crash on every system when back in the day it was THE Playstation game. You know Kratos can stand next to Astro Bot and everyone would be like "Oh yeah this is Sony." because if you're gonna devote so much time and marketing to other games, I don't blame people seeing Playstation as a platform first and a place for original IP second.

Anyway, Im sorry this like spur addendum to this post, but I really felt like adding after playing through Astro Bot.

So wasn't expecting to make this Gaming Hot Take of the day but after reading this from Sony CFO Hiroki Totoki I gotta be honest I had to write something

So look, I can kinda understand this stance in a very retrospective sense as he says "Fostered from the beginning." Playstation 1 in particular didn't really make a big distinction between its original IP and its Third Party IP. It's why you had Crash Bandicoot or Cloud Strife as basically the mascot of Playstation when both come from third parties. Compared to the likes of Mario and Sonic who were not only their console mascot, but company mascots respectively.

But by now, Playstation has an undeniable back catalogue of first and second IP that it can either revive or rerelease if need be. Like if we're looking at like multi entry series and not just one offs, by the PS2, Sony had:

Jak & Daxter

Twisted Metal

Ape Escape

Sly Cooper

MediEvil

Wild Arms

Dark Cloud

Everybody's Golf

God of War

Rachet and Clank

And by the PS3 we have

Infamous

Uncharted

Killzone

Resistance

Little Big Planet

Like Sony has their own catalogue that can stand on its own. Its not like they should be struggling now to play catch up.

Now if you read my recent Emio and Mages post, I am very well aware that in the age of modern gaming, a game doesn't get made without a team devoted to it. And with the rising production and time costs of making games, no company can release a hundred games and be profitable. So sadly some IP just do fall by the wayside in favor of others. Guerrilla Games isn't making Killzone anymore, because their efforts are spent on Horizon and Sucker Punch went from being the Sly Cooper guys to the Infamous guys, to now the Ghosts of Tsushima guys.

However, I feel like Sony has had some circumstances that compound this problem. Sony and Playstation are technically powerful machines-they want to fully utilize the hardware they're selling you for hundreds of dollars. It is their brand. However, the downside to this is because of this the rise in production costs, it's now taking much longer to make games that make use of the powerful hardware. We went from being able to release a full trilogy in a single generation to basically one. Its also made worse by the fact that Sony has been very active in shuttering studios and cutting costs. The biggest would be the loss of Sony Japan Studio, who were beloved for their more varied Japanese-y style games. It added flavor to the more Naughty Dog inspired games of the sixth and seventh generation. But now, Sony went all in on being that one big budget release that leaned more towards broader genres that could maximize the amount of sales like Uncharted, The Last of Us, Spider-Man, etc.

With this, a lot of mismanagement, its really made the PS5 era feel very sparse compared to the PS4. Now, I wanna stress this, I actually do not subscribe to the mentality "Playstation has no games." Playstation has tons of games beyond just their first party titles, some are exclusive like Final Fantasy 16, some are just way too powerful to be something that could be played on a switch like GTAV. Heck, I played Bomb Rush Cyberfunk on my PS5 and it's probably the game I've dumped the most time into this year. So yes, even if Playstation's first party offerings are few and far between, you're still capable of playing a lot of good games on this really expensive plastic box.

And maybe that's indicative of the fact that Playstation has always been about selling you the hardware on the basis of the hardware. Going back to the PS1, the main selling points was this was the haven for third parties after Nintendo really burned a lot of developers with the N64, and that this was a much more system than the N64. When you look at someone like Nintendo now, they're hardware is underpowered they live and die by the power of their software that only they can provide and no one else. But the playstation even if its not shooting out a new Jax & Daxter every year, they're still the place you can play something like Final Fantasy or Elden Ring at a really great clip. Perhaps Totoki was alluding to that reliance on hardware instead of software because in retrospect, they never really had that big homegrown system seller on playstation till the PS2 with things like God of War. And now fostering that, has made it hard to have that sort of Zelda or Halo that are so undeniably their companies IP and will move launch units.

But a reliance on just being the place where you can play games at a high fidelity, means that its still got competition from Xbox and PC. So Sony would have to offer a service the others don't and that can be software you find nowhere else. True story, I was genuinely conflicted about getting a PS5 or and Xbox X/S for my birthday because I knew I needed to at least have a strong machine to play with my switch. And ultimately I took PS5 because that was the console that would have God of War Ragnarok and Spider-Man 2. So yes, IP absolutely factors into purchases in my experience. And the fact that this generation Sony has really struggled to put out first party games, really makes that purchase factor feel so much thinner and thinner. When you know-you know Sony has loads of IP (Some that haven't left their respective console) that even a simple remaster on the PS5 could at least hold people over in-between their AAA releases. So to hear their CFO say that they don't have enough IP, gets very disingenuous.

To close this out, I wanna stress something. I don't think wanting to make new IP is a bad thing. Im glad Sony is willing to invest 8 years and millions of dollars into something new. But eventually, we reach a point where this has to be better managed. We have to have some smaller titles that can be released between the bigger ones. We gotta have some variation in the types of games we're getting from the platform holder. And sometimes leaning in on those fan faves for smaller titles would help. Are they gonna sell 10 million units? More than likely not. But if you balance the budget, having something move between 1-2 million units would be acceptable. Perhaps maybe allow more second party developers a crack at using that IP so your internal teams can work on the bigger blockbuster titles?

The PS5 generation has been a pretty all over the map one for Sony, and the more we learn about the thoughts and management behind the scenes, the more aggravating it can become when this platform does something really cool, but then seems to take two steps back. I genuinely can't tell you if I'll get a PS6. But if I do, it will probably not be out of optimism for classic Playstation franchises to return.

[sailingintothenight]

“Put your head on my Shoulder.” T.H. Imagine.

Summary: And what if after years of chasing each other like a cat and mouse, on a magical night where you two have to pretend to be a couple, you are finally able to say how you really feel about each other?

A/N: Hello everyone, after a while, and because a couple of people asked me, I wrote the second part of this story, "WANNABE", but you don't have to read it to understand this one. Anyway, I really hope you like it. Please give this story a lot of love. Thank you - V.

Tom Holland hates not being able to hate you.

The secret of his hate is because of your vanity, your selfish and free heart, your tender smile, the dimple that forms on your left cheek and your dreamy eyes that look at your grandfather as if he were the first man that you have ever loved — because you did.

Tom hates you because under a starry night, in the midst of a crowd of people and soothing music, you make your way through the mortals wearing a velvety wine red strapless dress that is lust itself on your body, black boots (velvet too) that cover you up to the knees and are as hot as hell, and your chocker - a gift from your father - from which a cross hangs, that is a tempting invitation for a sinner like him.

You are his angel with a devilish smile: but tonight, Tom Holland hates that, despite possessing all those qualities, and many more, he can only see the tenderness in your eyes when you look at your grandfather, or when you talk about him, and your smile that becomes as adorable as the face you were born with.

“You are like… staring much. Don't you think?" Harrison chuckles beside him, making Tom look away from you and your way of receiving the guests scattered around the place.

"Shit, Tom, if you turned a little faster you would look like the exorcist." Harry continues with the bland jokes, the same ones that make Sam, Harry and Tuwaine smile.

"Shut up." Tom hisses, taking a sip of his beer as he looks back at his group of friends.

But this story is not about you, but about Tom Holland, your lifelong neighbor, who you never had a conversation with other than to annoy each other, who you used to call idiot when nobody but him heard you, who used to laugh at you while filming Avengers: infinity war, endgame and finally, Spider-man: Far From Home, who used to hold your hand when you were kids because your parents were best friends, the same Tom who now drinks and look at you while you warmly greet each guest who has come to celebrate the birthday of the second man you know loved you.

“How is possible that you and he are the only two famous people at this party? What a waste of fame. Sigh." Danielle, your best friend whispers dramatically, just as you both stop at the bar to pick up more drinks.

"I'd feel sorry for you if you actually sighed." You give her a know-it-all smile, one that invites you to earn a playful slap on the butt from her.

"Please baby, I need to get something out of our friendship, otherwise this isn't working." She makes a gesture between her and you, the same sign that a boyfriend would make before breaking up.

"Tom Holland is here, why don't you go meet him?" You joke as you take the tray and walk with her by your side talking about Tom, although he was not news to you two.

"No thanks. But you can't deny that he looks sooo good. Only HE can look adorable and sexy at the same time. With those good boy eyes and wild muscles under his plain white T-shirt. Like Wow." She makes an expression of surprise, and the sound of an explosion as if her head cannot bear so much information that causes you so much laughter. "Seriously, please take that hottie. I'm sure your grandmother sent it to you as a gift."

You giggle, but your heart races at the thought of his breaking, because even though he and Hanna Johnson were never official, maybe he thought they were so. And after breaking up with her, he was back in London.

You suspected that was the reason behind his break.

"I would, but I don't love you as much as you think." You joke, just the moment you get to the table where your dear grandfather and your grandmother's friends, are, talking about you.

With just your young age, the world was a bright place for you, but here you are now, feeling how your best hits in movies escape from your hands like sand thanks to the endless words that spring from between the wrinkled lips of your grandmother's best friends, in the garden of your own house, adorned with crowded wooden tables and Christmas lights shining on you.

"Life goes by so fast, honey, you won't have that hot body for life." Says Mrs. Lee, who, at 89, still plays to be a 20-year-old from time to time. "You are... 24? 25? And you haven't had a single boyfriend yet."

"What do achievements matter if you don't have the most important thing, cutie?" Mrs. Russell asks, clicking her tongue in approval at her own words. “There are so many beautiful boys out there. My granddaughters want to be like you, but what will I tell them if you've never had a taste of real life? You are very innocent and that can work against you. You can have a little more fun while still being a lady, you know?"

Although in your cheeks bloom a crimson glow, you are aware that her words are offensive.

"You could tell the twins that you can be successful without fucking every chocolate-covered hottie that makes you an unseemly proposition." You murmur between tight lips, knowing well that the women in front of you need more than a whisper to hear certain truths. “I mean, you could tell Amy and Anne to work hard if they want to be actresses. The world is sexist, but, hey, here I am - besides, who says I don't have a boyfriend?"

You raise an eyebrow at your own question, winning several curious glances that seem to pierce you, even your grandfather, who stares at you more astonished than anyone.

"Really?" Mrs. Russell smiles, and her red lips gleam in the night. "And who is he?"

"Uh... well... I..." You giggle in a trance thanks to the bitter taste of the liquor that has your mind under a spell, leaving you completely blank and without a coherent response. "He is…"

"Hello, love." Tom presses his body against yours, suddenly, out of nowhere, wrapping his arm around your waist, so firm that you feel the pressure of his rolex in his left hand. "Hello, ladies. I heard you talking about me and I couldn't help but come and save my girl from this sea of ​​questions about who her boyfriend is. You thought I wasn't real, huh? I know my angel here is a little shy about our relationship, but there is no problem, love, you know you can show off what a good boyfriend I am with whoever you want…"

Tom smiles and enchants the older women who smile back at him, as if they are in love with his youth and his face that has it all: his cloud-fluffy brown hair that is combed to the side and back, the sparkle in his gaze and the way he smiles, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, right down to that funny eyebrow that everyone finds adorable.

From his lovely face and well-defined jaw to his personality and strong English accent: Tom looked like an angel from heaven, perhaps the devil himself because how dangerous his charm could be.

"Oh honey, I didn't know you and Tom were dating." Mrs. Lee says, with an expression between happy and sad. "My granddaughters thought they might have a chance with you, darling."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Lee." Tom answers, with a hint of happiness and pride in his voice. "I'm already taken and I like it that way."

"Yes!" You say with surprise when Tom gives you a squeeze with the hand that is holding you, shooting you a loving look to encourage you to speak. "I mean... He is."

You smile at the audience, especially at your grandfather and Danielle, who seem to have their suspicions.

"Tom..." Says Roy, your grandfather, who averts his narrowed eyes from your gaze to his, just to become the happiest person in the world as he clasps his hands in a sign of prayer. “I didn't know that you and my darling (Y/N) were together. I'm so happy! I'm sure my beloved Jules is happy too. Couldn't have asked for a better grandson."

"Thank you very much, Roy." Tom says, and it's so natural that he seems sincere. "I wanted to tell you, but we wanted to wait for our relationship to grow stronger."

"Yeah, you know that there are many actresses, blondes and blue eyes actresses who want to eat this hottie." You say and Tom laughs, nervous.

"Well, if you'll excuse us, I'd like to speak to my girlfriend in private for a moment."

Guiding you all the way, you and Tom turn around in the direction of the glass doors of your house that connect to the kitchen, breathing in the warm air from the warm walls the moment you two walk in.

"Good acting, Tom." You smile as you take a grape from the kitchen counter. "Not enough to win an EMMY but-"

"Ha. You are funny. But now I want to talk to you about something…” Tom smiles, too, giving you a devilish look, as if he never rests from it. "You owe me a favor, love."

"Of course not!" You defend yourself, nervous of the sudden change in the conversation. “You came alone like a prince on a horse. I did not call you. I do not owe you anything."

"Are you sure about that?" Tom laughs, as if he really enjoyed the moment. “Because I can go there and tell them the truth. I told you it's pathetic that you've never had a boyfriend. Besides, I wouldn't want to break Roy's heart, he looked so happy to know that his dearest granddaughter is with a good man."

You cross your arms, uneasy with the fact that you've never really fallen in love with someone, while seriously thinking about how happy, and probably relieved, your granddfather is to see that his granddaughter is with someone like Tom, who, despite of everything, yes, was a good boy.

"Okay. What do you want?"

"I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend in front of my parents."

You laugh inadvertently, although deep down you want to know if what was being said about Hannah and him was true.

"Why?"

"Everyone thinks Hannah dumped me and I don't want to see myself as a loser in front of my family and have them keep asking questions about her, it's exhausting."

"Eh, too late for that." You sigh, and Tom looks at you hopefully. "You were a loser long time ago, Tom, sorry."

"I hate you." Tom laughs.

"The feeling is mutual." You look away, and in a second you decide to contemplate why agreeing to be his fake girlfriend would be a bad decision, and why you would do it anyway. “Okay, but you know you can't call me darling. And stop looking at my chest, perv."

Tom laughs, looking up your chest into your eyes.

"It's not my fault you have worn that dress, but it seems that despite everything you didn't have a boy's body all this time. Congrats."

"Idiot."

Tom and his dreamy eyes smile as he opens the glass door for you, stepping aside so you can go out onto the field and do the performance of your life, which you discover would be more difficult than you thought as both of you approach the table on the left side of the place, where your family - made up of your mom, your dad and your older brother - are with his. So, in silence, and to let them be the ones to carry out the conversation of your supposed relationship, Tom remains standing next to you, leaving a space between Harry and him for you.

"Oh, yeah. Last night I got the iPad with the script of the Devil all the time." You say, to continue the conversation that your brother Ethan started, smiling at you. "My character falls in love with the poor and broken Arvin Russell."

Tom chuckles.

“And (Y/N) is a cold and rich bi—… girl who treats me like shit until I save her from her dad, the reverend and the crazy couple of rapists. I think you will play that role very well, love." And again and against your will, Tom brings you closer to him placing his arm around your waist, so close that his proximity makes you red.

So much so that you must place a hand on your exposed chest so that his gaze does not fall on that specific place.

“Bet your pretty ass I will. And then we will flee together into the sunset with a happy ending after killing 4 people."

His family and yours are too stunned to say a word, but just at the moment when you think they will shout hallelujah to the sky or to mention you are Frenemies, Dom makes a fist and a victory gesture with a loud yes!

“I told you they would be together before they were 25! pay me!" He yells happily at your dad, who, next to him, grunts as he searches for his wallet in his pants.

“Couldn't you wait until you turned 25, honey? It was only a few months away."

"What the hell?" Tom says, watching your father leave a $100 bill in Dom's hand.

"It's a silly thing they did when they were drunk." Nikki says, as she joins her hands in prayer just like your grandfather, just as happy as he. "It was about time you decided to be together."

"I didn't know that Tom could love someone other than Tessa." Your brother jokes.

"I didn't know anyone could love Tom more than Tessa." Harry jokes, but in his eyes you can see that part of him means it.

"Is this serious?" Your mom says, raising an eyebrow.

"It is." Tom says, and his voice is as solemn as his expression. "Mom, Dad, everyone, I want to marry this woman... someday."

Along with the expressions of happiness and surprise, theirs and yours, your brother breaks the silent while looking like a hawk at Tom.

"Her favorite color?"

"Blue." He answers, without missing a second.

"Favorite book?"

"Jane Austin's Pride & Prejudice."

"Coffee, hot or cold?"

"It depends on the season."

"Seafood?"

"Banned forever."

"Very well, you have my blessing to marry my sister." Your brother nods, like a wise old man, while you, foolishly, think of two things, how quickly he responded, and how well he knew you.

"Just that?" You question, partly offended. "Why better not give him 2 cows for my honor?"

"That's a good idea." Tom responds. "We already have a chicken so..."

You snort just like the idea of Tom buying a chicken just because there were no eggs in the store is spinning in your head, but at that very moment, your words die on your lips as Rose, your aunt and your grandfather's eldest daughter, has taken the command of the party to indicate that the most important thing of the night has arrived: the dance that your grandfather and grandmother used to have, when she was still alive.

Like a fairy tale, every couple in love gathers in the center of the garden while the song “Put your head on my shoulder” by Paul Anka begins to float in the London air that is suddenly flooded with love, to such an extent point that threatens to drown you in it.

"Would you like...?" Tom is nervous, and lets the question hang in the air.

Your breathing becomes agitated, it becomes irregular as your parents and his join the other couples, wild as your heart that beats with the fierceness of a caged animal seeking freedom.

You want to say no, but the crystallized look and happiness that you achieve in your grandfather's eyes are the impulse you need to avoid breaking his heart with the truth.

"Okay."

Tom takes your hand gently and guides you to the makeshift dance floor, placing his hands on your waist to imitate the elders.

Inside and out, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) was still as beautiful as the first one he saw you when you were children; but of course, now as adults, everything was different: you were stronger, more mature, more self-confident, wilder and indomitable. But Tom didn't judge your insecurity, he never did, because you had trouble trusting in a future love that could be so real that it seemed a fairy tale - like the ones your father had read to you before bed - as deep as Roy's pain at losing his beloved Jules.

And it is then that Tom realized everything.

That's why you didn't want to be called darling, just because your grandfather used to call his great love that way. Why you never had a boyfriend. Of why you had never wasted your love giving it to someone you knew you would never have a future with, just the way he did with Hannah. Of why you have never been able to give your sincere love to someone else.

Because we're so hopeful at the beginning of things, it seems that there is only one world to gain, nothing to lose, and suddenly, we lose someone whom God knew we deeply love, leaving us with nothing but a void where there must be a beating heart.

And that's when the applause dies down, the silence overwhelms you two, time runs out and life forces you to look into each other's eyes to wonder, without words, why you did the things you did and the things you didn't.

"I'm in love with you."

"Don't."

You say the words at the same time, although they are not the words you expect to hear from the other.

And then you smile sadly, slightly because you no longer have the strength, because your body seems numb from the little alcohol you have drunk and because it seems that the world is leaning to one side with his love confession, but you also smile because Tom still has that adorable face, and a funny eyebrow that you were dying to fix. Just for fun. Just to touch him.

"You're not in love with me, you're just sad about Hannah." You whisper, desperately waiting for the song you have loved for so long to come to an end so you can flee from his arms.

"No, you don't understand, now I can see that it's you, it's always been you." Tom hates himself because he can't put his feelings and his memories into words, but his hands secure you in your place so that you don't leave, not before he can tell you a little of what he was hiding in his mind. “Since we were children I held your hand: in kindergarten, on the way home, to the park around the corner. I don't know why it is now that I can see you, always there in every step of my life, being my best friend even when we said words to annoy each other. I don't know much about love, but I know that it should make you feel good, give you peace, and that's what I feel with you. I feel at home with you, no matter where we are. And we have been in several countries away from home, but you feel like my home. And I am in love with you, and I only ask that you give me the opportunity to love the way you deserve to be loved."

You have a world of words, sharp as a knife, that could kill his confession, but against all, and because this is the first time you feel in love, you lift your hand from his shoulder, a little shaky, to brush your thumb against his brow, soft, delicate and loving, as a lover should be when loving someone for the first time.

"I still hate you."

Tom smiles and you both share a look of hope, staying in the foreground, just to be a participant in the main scene of this beautiful love story that would only be the beginning of a long night in the bright sky of your lives, the one that is like a painting made of watercolors, colors that spill over each other just to create a perfect combination, just like you two together in the eyes of any art lover.

"Not me, no. I love you."

And after that, Tom leans down a bit, feeling the softness of your lips in a real kiss, the first of many to come.

@averyfosterthoughts�� @galaxies-of-the-heart​ @heartofholland​

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 5 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I had finished season 5 and, as I already imagined, I loved it. I'm not quite sure if I like it more than the previous one, I think they're kind of in the same level of greatness.

It starts with Lucifer rising again and Sam and Dean being miraculously saved. They immediately meet Chuck to know what happened with the angels and the prophet tells them Castiel has been killed by them. With Lucifer out of the cage Zacharia (who fortunately gets killed at the end by the older Winchester) wants Dean to be Michael's vessel, since he's the only one who can beat the devil: the only problem is that Dean has to say "yes" to Michael. He obviously doesn't want to, so the angels trying to convince him will be a recurrent thing throughout the season. Dean tries to not change his opinion, because becoming Micheal's vessel would mean the two archangels would fight and with their power they would destroy half the planet, but the more time passes the more Dean's hopes vanish, and towards the end he decides to accept Zacharia's proposal. At the last moment, however, to Sam, Castiel and Bobby's relief and delight, he opposes it and Adam, brought back to life only to replace his brother, accepts to be Michael's vessel. This whole mess will eventually end with Lucifer (in Sam's vessel) back in the cage, along with Michael (in Adam's), Castiel miraculously brought back (again, after returning at the beginning of the season) and a desperate Dean trying to keep living a life with Lisa and Ben after losing his brother and promising him to try a new life without hunts.

The main focus of the season is obviously trying to defeat Lucifer, who we meet in the first episode. It is already an interesting character, because he feels misunderstood by God and believes he didn't deserve what he got from his father. It is almost impossible not to empathise at least a little bit with him. He also hides his evil side pretty well at first, making him seem almost like the actual good guy of the situation and the victim of a cruel God. I like the fact that he shows up to the people he wants to convince as their loved one (like he did with Nick when he showed as his wife). He tries to convince Sam to be his vessel (because he's actually the only one who would truly contain him) showing up as Jessica. Sam obviously doesn't want to help Lucifer with the Apocalypse, although both Sam and us don't even really know what his true intentions are. We quickly learn that he obviously, as he hated humanity before, still does it now, so his plan is actually mostly a revenge. He really seems like the final big bad guy, probably because he was supposed to be, and because every other villain ultimately leads to him. I believe he is my favourite one: he is a way more rounded character than the others, having his own motivations (that go beyond wanting to do bad and win over the others). As much as he's wrong for doing what he's doing, at least he got his reasons. He is the first angel who has rebelled against God and he was punished for it, but he's not the only one who did it. At the end of the last season we saw Castiel, persuaded by Dean, rebelling against the angels and their plan to bring Lucifer back. So what makes the difference between them? I think it is the reasons and the intentions behind their actions: Lucifer rebelled because he hated humans and now wants to end them, Castiel rebelled because he loves humanity and wants to defend it. So there's no surprise when Castiel refuses to join Lucifer when he tries to get his brother to come to the dark side in episode 05x10.

Lucifer is not the only new villain, we also meet two demons with opposite purposes: Meg and Crowley. Meg isn't actually new, as we know her since season one, but she has a new body. Her character doesn't change much in season five, she's still a loyal servant, in this case to Lucifer, but we'll see what I will think about her in the next seasons, as I know, as much as I can remember, she will improve. Crowley on the other hand is a lone wolf and wants Lucifer dead as much as the two protagonists want him. I have loved Crowley since the first episode I saw him (05x10) for several reasons. I adore his personality: he's funny and sassy and the perfect villain who's not really a villain (because at the end of the day neither Dean or Sam want him dead, and neither he wants them to be dead as well). I like the fact that he just minds his own business: he doesn't want to start apocalypses or whatsoever, he just wants to keep living, and he knows being against Lucifer is an immediate suicide for a demon, so he helps the Winchesters to kill him. He gives them the Colt at first, believing they could kill him with that, and so they attempt to, ending up with Jo and Ellen dead and the certainty that the Colt couldn't kill the devil. On a side note, I liked seeing Jo and Ellen back, but I hated watching them dying, as much as I loved the episode thanks to its intensity and melancholy (especially in the scenes between Jo and Ellen and between Jo and Dean, although I'm not totally convinced that he should have kissed her, even if I think he did it mainly to make her understand how much he cared about her, rather than for romantic love). I don't appreciate Supernatural not having a female main character who stays alongside the boys for more than a few seasons. I don't expect a woman to become a main character like Castiel but it would have been nice to see a woman appear at least as much as Bobby. This side of Supernatural shows how far behind it is in some ways and that it needed to improve on many aspects (such as veiled, but not too much, misogyny). Returning to Crowley, the demon proves to be essential as thanks to him Sam and Dean understand how to stop Lucifer: not killing him but sending him back where he came from. To do this they need to open a portal that leads Lucifer into his cage, and the portal can only be opened by the rings of the four knights of the apocalypse. They are characters brought to earth, thanks to Lucifer, that Sam and Dean have the pleasure of meeting (and defeating most of the time). The most interesting character is certainly Death, with whom Dean talks (episode 05x21) and who has no intention of fighting the brothers, indeed he voluntarily gives them his ring. The only problem left is to find Lucifer and to push him into the cage. Sam, who has been thinking for days that he has to accept Lucifer's request in order to try to jump into the portal, manages to convince Dean, who obviously would never want Sam to be locked in Lucifer's cage with the devil himself inside him.

Sam and Dean, mainly because of everything that happened last season, have to try to rebuild their now inevitably changed relationship (whose antagonism is exasperated in the parallelism of the two protagonists with the archangels Lucifer, the rebellious son, and Michael, the devoted son). Dean, as much as he doesn't want to, can't keep pretending everything's okay between them and thinks it's best to take different paths. The two brothers remain divided until Dean realizes they can win against the angels and Lucifer only if they are together. From then on their relationship strengthens more and more, until Dean, I think for the first time, decides to completely trust Sam, reject Zacharia's proposal and find another way to defeat Lucifer (05x18). The final step forward is surely Dean accepting Sam's idea of becoming Lucifer's vessel, while knowing what it entails. The difference in their relationship between the end of this season and last season lies in several factors: Sam opens up to Dean and tries to be as honest as possible, while Dean accepts that his brother is now grown up and must make his choices, even if these involve his sacrifice to save humanity. Their relationship ends with one last touching scene in which Dean manages to reach Sam, despite being controlled by Lucifer, and give him enough strength to jump into the portal that will lead him to the cage. I think this season potrais their relationship in a way never seen before, with a rollercoaster of emotions that shows how much they care about each other and how much they have grown in the recent years.

There's another relationship that I'd like to talk about and that I think has evolved over the course of the season, Dean and Castiel's. The two certainly make giant strides towards the end of season four, when Castiel decides to rebel and side with Dean, but they are not yet in the best of relationships. Dean finally seems to trust Castiel, but is still not entirely comfortable with him and his personality ("Cas, we've talked about the personal space", 05x03), while Castiel, after being brought back to life, is convinced, in the early episodes of the season, that he can find God, which Dean is very skeptical of. The thing that may come as a surprise, however, is that Dean supports Castiel and comforts him when the angel seems to have lost hope. I don't think it's really shocking, considering Dean sees himself in Castiel, who seems to be just a confused son looking for an absent father, which Dean is by now an expert of (and the funny thing is that in the emotional episode 05x13, where Sam and Dean go back in time and meet their parents, John, once he knows the lives of the two brothers, he wonders how a father can behave that way with their children, obviously not being aware of the hard truth). When, in episode 05x16, in which Dean and Sam die and go to heaven (which I think is quite original, divided into personal heavens formed by memories of each of the dead people), they discover that God is somewhere, but that he has no intention of intervening in any way, giving relatively little importance to humanity and angels, Castiel is completely destroyed by the news and copes getting drunk (another parallelism with Dean I would say) and in this episode (05x17), confident they can't get help from God, Dean calls the formed trio "team free will" (emphasizing the fact that they are now free to make their own choices). I feel like Dean and Cas start to bond especially when Dean is alone (so in episode 05x03) and he understands Castiel's value in episode 05x04, when Zacharia sends him to a future where he has not accepted to be Michael's vessel, Sam is Lucifer vessel and the world is infected by the Croatoan virus. Dean meets his future self (a way worse and more desperate version of him) who trusts past Dean after he tells his future self an anecdote (that he never revealed to anyone) about wearing pink panties and liking it. I'll admit I completely forgot about that particular (probably because I was 15 when I first watched it and this information seemed extremely irrelevant to me) and I'm still amazed that such a scene really exists. Anyway Dean realizes that, despite everything that has been going on and the way he's become, Castiel has never abandoned him. He also understands, noticing how much the future Castiel has changed and how hopeless he gets, he should appreciate his Castiel more (and that is something Castiel will eventually tell him directly too in episode 05x18, in which after Dean decides to agree to Michael Castiel beats him up telling him he rebelled for him and so he shouldn't repay him like that).

Chuck compares in episode too, showing he's still on Dean's side as well. I honestly quite like him in this season: he's awkward, confused and out of place most of the time, but I think that's what makes it likeable, at least for me. We see more of him in episode 05x09, where there's a Supernatural convention and Sam and Dean have to deal with both their fans (without them knowing who they really are) and a case, and are forced to work with a couple of fans who fortunately save everyone. At the end of the episode Dean discovers that the two fans, both male, are a real couple (making it the first homosexual couple in the series). I don't quite know how to interpret this moment (which writers probably didn't even give too much thought to), but the fact that in the next scene we see Dean thinking next to the car with a little smile makes me believe that that the step forward to acceptance was not only made by the series.

There's another character who's not totally new but seems to be at the same time: Gabriel. We have known him since season two by the name of "Trickster", but thanks to Castiel we find out, along with the brothers, that he was an archangel all along (who gave us some of the funniest episodes, and especially Dean thirsting over Dr. Sexy in episode 05x08). They ask him to join their side, but quickly understand he doesn't want to be on anyone's side. He fortunately changes his mind on episode 05x19 and sides with Sam and Dean, only to be killed by Lucifer at the end of the episode. Gabriel is my favourite angel besides Castiel, for obvious reasons, so I was very happy he decided to risk it all and go against his brother to be on the Winchesters' squad.

To conclude, as much as I think there are some parts of the season they could have done better (for example the scene with Lucifer and Michael in the last episode), I believe this is one of the best seasons of the show, so we'll see if after rewatching the other ten seasons I will have the same opinion.

- Carly 💚

[shizekarnstein]

Zeke is determinated to save his brother from the shackles of Grisha's poisonous influence. If Eren is refusing to go along with their dream the only reason is more than obvious: their wretched father has brainwashed him and only Zeke himself is able to free him of that burden. Only once he manages to undo the damage will the two of them stand together as brothers and put an end, once and for all, to the cursed fate of the eldian people.

Xaver stoods in his mind as Zeke's personal saviour. From his pov he was his real father: a father who listened and played with him, an adult with whom he felt safe and comfortable. The person who finally opened his eyes to the monstruos nature of his birth parents characters, and encouraged him to turned them over to the marlean authorities instead of joining them in utopia.

Zeke has never questioned his mentor's motives or the type of person he was. He only saw one side of him: the loving man who had his best interest in mind. To this day he never pondered over the fact that this very man basically turned him into the executioner of his own parents and how terrible is to put that burden on a child. How cruel and manipulative is to tell a seven years old that his own parents never loved him.

Claiming that Grisha has brainwashed and mistreat Eren as he did with Zeke himself all those years ago, refusing to even consider the possibility that he could have been a better parent to Eren, and not even listening to Eren's thoughts on the matter, he goes ahead and brings their foreheads together. To show his brother the truth.

But forcing your ideals and pov into another person is no different from what both his parents and Xaver did to him. So I have to ask: by using the FT powers to force his own convictions onto Eren, at the end, is he really that different from those he claims to loathe? Who is really trying to brainwash Eren at this point?

The brothers enter Grisha's memories and witness how this man interacted and raised his younger son.

This quest objetive is to reveal the true face of Grisha and all his wrongdoings. But along the way I can't help but wonder if what Zeke was really looking for, on an unconciouss level, was seeing their father again. Zeke was conditionated and encouraged by Xaver to hate and despise his father, but little Zeke loved him more than anything. He tried to put up with all the things he and Dina asked of him. Even when he thought those things were wrong and put him in danger, he did soldier on. What really brought him to a breaking point was not only his parents neglect, but the possiblity of all of them together being shipped off to paradise. For someone who to this day is still craving affection as a starved animal, I have no doubts that even if he convinced himself of hating him, a part of him is still that little boy who adored him. In order to move forward he had to believe his father was a monster.

When confronted with the reality that Grisha really seemed to care for his new wife and son, his bitterness and denial are palpable. He's jelous bc some part of him still wished he could have had something like that. Eren himself is going along this painful trip down memory lane, having to endure witnessing all those dear and simpler days with a deep sense of longing.

But no matter how hard he searchs, nothing seems to match Zeke's expectations. He's desesperatly trying to find the instances when Grisha acted as a selfish man who puts his own ideals ahead of the safety of his family. The months pass and all he can find are wholesome family moments. They get to see how Eren was clearly loved and doted upon, how his father spent countless hours playing with him, taking him on walks, witnessing his very first steps. The tranquil family dinners where no talk of politics or revolution ever graced the table.

Even then Zeke keeps searching for the devious facet that he knows must exit. Grisha infiltrated the walls to locate the FT and restaure the Eldian Empire. His new family is an accessory, just like his previous one.

Eren himself is done with this futile quest. Unlike Zeke, he knows the two sides of the story. He knows his father's faults, even believed for a time the worst of him when Rod Reiss triggered the memories of the chapel massacre. He has come to terms with the fact his father was a flawed man who payed dearly for his dreams and came to repent and love his new family in all the ways he couldn't with his former one. Eren knows all about his guilt, about his sins and regrets. About how much he cherished him and his mother, and how he never forgot about Dina and Zeke.

But what good does it do to argue with someone who's utterly convinced of his own truth? Trying to force his biased version on Eren is nonsense and Eren is very aware of this fact. Of course father is a demon, isn't that what you want to hear? We can move on and euthanize our own people next now that I know your true Zeke. What an evil man! Forcing your vission onto others without giving a damn about their own side of the story or experiences is such a wonderful and foolproof plan. Can't you see how the brainwashing is coming undone thanks to you showing me all these things? It's useless to try to talk with someone who doesn't listen.

But then both Eren and Zeke learned that they didn't even knew all there was to know about Grisha and how far he had evolved from his younger self.

He gave up on his old dream. He learned from his faults. When faced with the choice between his mission and his loved ones, this time he made the right choice. He was able to cast away his old self and previous mistakes and return to his family, finally deciding what was really more precious to him and clinging to this choice.

Humans change and grow. But without taking the time to sit down and listen to other people we are unable to trully grasp who they really are as persons. We allow our own missconceptions and prejudices to blind us to the facts. What Zeke is experiencing now is a total subversion of what he was convinced was an absolute fact. But in order to allow himself to consider this possiblity, he had to witness it with his own eyes. Ignorance itself is a formidable enemy after all. That is the brothers motto, but the only one living by those words was Eren.

All the doubts Zeke still harboured and his last sanity rope was the utter conviction that his father never loved him. Mister Xaver told him so. It has to be true. Even if he changed in regards to his other son, Grisha never cared for Zeke. He was nothing more to him than a tool, a royal blood vessel that would help him to make his dream come true. Grisha found happiness with his new family, merrily forgetting all about his past one and the hell he put them through. Listening to Grisha utter "I'm sorry, Zeke" has began to utterly shatter this view.

While Zeke was blabbing, Eren noted how his father still gazed and kept close his only memento of Dina and Zeke. He never forgot about them. How could he?

Kruger himself said that anyone can become a god or a devil, all it takes is for someone to believe in it. For Zeke and Rod Reiss Grisha Jaeger was a monster who gladly crushed children and anything that stood on his way. Marley and Willy Tybur convinced the whole world that Eren Jaeger is a demon hellbent on destroying everything in his path. We as readers were convinced that the Beast Titan was a devil who utterly lacked even an ounce of human compassion. Xaver appears to Zeke as a wonderful person; we as readers know better than to believe such a thing of someone who installed the idea in a child that his parents hated him and forced him to tarnish his hands with their blood. Just going by the flashes we saw this chapter about Grisha, an uninformed party would conclude that he was a good man with not a single fault to his name. To trully grasp others we need to get rid of our bias and missconceptions and learn to actually listen and see for ourselves what's true and what isn't. That has always been a theme in SnK. Zeke's journey isn't different.

Now both brothers experienced radically differnet sides of Grisha. Just bc he came to regret his previous actions and worked to better himself as a man, spouse and father doesn't mean all is forgiven. Zeke has the right to still resent him and the way he treated him. But he can only make that choice freely once he knows for certain all there is to his father's story. And the journey has only started.

I find intriguing how at the beginning it was Zeke who command the pace of their journey and kept selecting to continue. Now that his convictions have been shaken, and not Eren's, is Eren himself who seems to be in charge of the itinerary.

If inside paths realm the stronger mental will is the one who prevails, then the outcome of this little journey is very much on Eren's favour.

What's Zeke going to do? It's there a way to make him give up on his dream too? Or is he still fully convinced of the true of Xaver words? Memories of the previous shifter have a degree of influence on the current one. If Zeke can say with security that Eren was being controlled by their father, then how deep is the real hold of Xaver in all of this? Is this really only Zeke's dream? Xaver shared this dream with him when he still lived, and the two of them agreed to make it a reality. Even now he remains a dear person and highly respectable in Zeke's mind and heart. At the end I don't think it trully matters if his hold on Zeke is being reinforced by his memories living in him. The only one who can decide what to do is Zeke. Time may be infinite inside paths realm, but even so the clock is still ticking.

This chapter was monumental and has so many things to comment upon. I plan to do another post pondering over something I've been wondering for a long time: can shifters actually sense when someone down the line is witnessing/reviving some of their memories? Going by Frieda and Grisha this chapter, my tentative answer is yes. Hint: Grisha sees Zeke in front of him, but there was someone else behind Grisha who had the same view as him, and that someone would later be the vessel that holds all of Grisha's memories.

[dream-wrecker-blog]

Dear Tumbler Diary

This to me, will always be a dream. I have been told by the Goddess of "self love" herself. That I would always have issues with love. I honestly do not know how to unravel that per-say. But! if I had to guess. I would say that the ball will always been my court and I have such an awareness that. I should always do what's best for me. & if I don't then the issue is mine, because I know better.

And like 23 year old me would say. "If you know better! Then you should do better"! Now I see that's not completely true. Then I spoke with the mindset of someone who did not have what he has now. I spoke with privilege and arrogance. I spoke like I knew everything. I also think that's why I'm still single. Because I think I know everything. I can also see how that's a major turn off. I myself am turned off by it. I can see how others are too.

When It comes to love I'm very delusional and I know I cannot be trusted. My head and heart are always fighting about what they want and what they need. The modern gay is too free and uneducated on how to court and love one another. We have many examples of how to fuck and have safer sex. But! not too many examples of how to love yourself or how to love the same sex or gender. How to have a successful healthy relationship. That's why I think we as gays and we as non whites have an issues. The stigmas and history surrounding homosexuality and What love is supposed to be. Even what main stream religion says how we’re to love in our organic environments. They won't let it happen. & if it does. Someone, somewhere for the sake or morals and beliefs. Sacrifices something! It does not always have to be grand or even a big sacrifice. But! There's always something given up.

One of the ways homosexuals sacrifice love is, by doing what’s expected of them. Listing to people who probably mean well, but don’t walk in the shoes of us. Happiness is the of the worse sacrifices to make. When stripped of it. Resentment and self loathing kicks in like over watered roots of any house plants. From the inside out it rots. It decay’s. Over time killing the person of all that would have and even could have made them better! Better people and bette for there community.

When I though I had found the love of my life. I was lost in desire. Love spells or attraction spells are dangerous because, they need to be done by people who are of sound mind. To me, if you do not have a strong foundation of self awareness, aware of your own imperfections and well as your blessings. Then you sorta cursed yourself to be with someone who you! Become dependent on.

One night in my early years of adult hood. I took it upon myself. With my half baked mindset. To cast into the universe to bring to me the qualities in a man that I hold dear and desired. This man was a man who had the eye of everyone. But! who came home to me! He was wealthy in love and energy. And yada yada yada. So I wrote these qualities down on a paper bag. Written in devil blood ink. On the night of a new moon of blessings. I took my deck of tarot. "This is where I fucked up" and placed the Lovers first followed by the Six of cups. Here! is where I FUCKED ME! and hard too. Followed by other suits. It was a while ago. So forgive for not giving too much detail. I had a red votive candle blessed and charged the night before. I placed it directly on my deck and anointed the space with Freshly cracked black pepper and willow leaves from Central Park. I love working with willow. And yes of course the tincture was blessed and anointed by HECATE. So not only did I call out to the Universe. I called HECATE too. Which was not really a good Idea. because I did not offer her the things I was supposed to. And back then I was depressed and was looking for a way of escape. In that time of my life. Sexual pleasure was my way out. "Who says being a slut isn't fun!"

Now! fast forward many years later A child of Yemaya and of the other Orisha, I know more now. Even better! I should have not only respected myself. But! my craft. Looking back now I can say I disrespected HECATE. writing this I see I have a debt to pay! She too has always been good to me. Blessed me with all wishes i asked for. Now, i take into account of how I cast spells and what for. Not all things can be completed with magic. But! It sure helps. Lol to be honest a natural love. And health and bountiful love will come to me. I just have to be sure to be ready for it. And welcome it with light and love in my heart, money on the bank and foundation so strong. That even when the earth quakes, moves and cries we are undisturbed and unaware of the fires that are outside our door!

serve your plate first before serving others.

He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[sanoiro]

Sinnerman: A not so Mini meta post anymore...

Due to my time restrictions but my desire to write this I decided that a quick meta post was in order before the weekend and certainly before 3x02. Yet be warned that this might turn a bit longer that I expect to myself...  We have several clues on who Sinnerman might be and the good thing is that we can think outside the box with Lucifer the show. This is not Supernatural and so we have a mythos to rely on which comes from 150(!) comic-book/graphic novels! 

So let’s begin with the clues from the interviews: 

What makes the Sinnerman a different kind of antagonist than ones we’ve seen before?

Modrovich: He’s a badass. But what you also find is that he does have a hidden history with some characters in our show that come out and Lucifer has to face off against.

Henderson: We look at him like a bizarre reflection of Lucifer. We learn in an upcoming episode that he also gives out favors, but his are a little bit more nefarious. When this guy gives out favors, you’re really dreading the payment that you’ll have to give. So it’s sort of the Devil facing a dark reflection of himself.

What can you say about the Sinnerman’s intentions in kidnapping Lucifer?

Henderson: The Sinnerman’s the kind of person who knows that putting angel wings on the Devil will only drive him deeper in the other direction. So Lucifer, whether he likes it or not, is being manipulated.

Modrovich: And that Sinnerman has a motivation in taking Lucifer into the desert that’s other than the wings. He has this specific motivation that we will reveal to you throughout the entire season. He has a personal reason.

“Our friend Lieutenant Pierce suggests to Lucifer that he knows about the Sinnerman and they start to collaborate together in this tangled web that we weave in Season 3,” Ellis reveals to TV Guide.

HENDERSON: Yeah, and at the end of the first episode, we get this first clue as to who this person might be, and realizing it might be a darker force than he’s encountered previously.

To Summarise the above Sinnerman: 

1) Has hidden history with some characters in our show - Meaning more than one. Pierce for sure but also Lucifer apparently. 

2) We look at him like a bizarre (dark) reflection of Lucifer - Is that even possible to be darker than Lucifer himself I will say yes because I have a few theories on that but you will have to scroll further down for them.  3) He gives out nefarious favours with high stake payments - This alone gives us a hint on what or who we are looking for.  4) Sinnerman knew how to give Lucifer his wings and that it would cause Lucifer to act in a certain way - Meaning not only he has the knowledge of how to handle and manipulate divinity but also knows Lucifer... Really knows Lucifer...

5) Sinnerman gave Lucifer his wings for a certain reason which Henderson might have revealed above. He has a personal reason to do that... - This info again limits the suspects quite a lot but never ever forget that this is not a show based on the angels we know but its foundations are in a mythos woven by Sandman and Lucifer the comics...  6) Finally, Marcus Pierce will have to admit that he knows about Sinnerman which will lead to a weird partnership with different agendas between Lucifer and Marcus. 

7) It is given by Henderson as a darker force Lucifer has ever faced before...

What we know from the show and most importantly 3x01: 

(At this point of the post I realised it was never meant to be a small one *sigh*)

He was just a routine gig.I was gonna swap him for you, but when I went to pull you out of the van, you you had friggin' wings, man!

What we know from the kidnapper is that he just had to get him out of the van not that he actually kidnapped him! So that means that we may have a three-act play. 

Lucifer when he is contemplating how he was kidnapped he says “...-how were they able to render me unconscious? Either they used some kind of celestial weapon, or the detective was nearby.” He never thinks that there might have been a celestial being but we saw the weapon they used so we should at this point leave out Chloe’s presence near the hospital out of the picture and focus on that the kidnapper might have indeed used something of celestial origin... As we know from the piece celestial toys were left on earth along with a Summerian (Assyrian really...) manual...  The second is how did he get his wings? Well, here we have again Lucifer’s reasoning to play with although I don’t agree with that much it gives me again hint: “Did my Father give you some kind of totem? A talisman? - What?”

At this point, the writers through Lucifer give us another good hint and it is closely connected to the next quote but seriously think about it... In Lucifer’s reasoning, an object can hold mystical powers enough to give him back his wings. In not so many words, magic is getting into the Lucifer (Tv Show) mythology finally... Divine power is one thing but infused and transportable as magic can be a complicated notion to conceive and handle yet... 

And I don't know your dad. Unless, is your, is your dad the Sinnerman?

I was rewatching that scene but I wonder if the guy had made the connection with Lucifer’s insistence that some kind of dark magic for the lack of better word was in the mix. Funny... because why would a man who knew Sinnerman assume so easily that a feathered Lucifer could be the son of Sinnerman if Sinnerman did not hold a certain unearthly charisma himself? Of course that’s just speculation. 

Finally, in 3x01 even Lucifer acknowledges that: 

At first, I thought it was a an emissary on Earth working on Dad's behalf, but then, the more I think about it, the more I think maybe this isn't our Father who art in Heaven at all. But something much, much darker.

The above is actually a pretty good connection link to the comics... But anyway  Lucifer says this is something much, much darker and Amenadiel’s expression was giving away something the first time I watched the episode but I cannot be sure. Still, Amenadiel’s not so obvious reaction had me thinking that as the firstborn in the show he preceded Lucifer and knew quite a few things from an era before the light aka Lucifer was born... Although we do know that Mum had the same power aka to illuminate the universe... 

A clue from Twitter yesterday from Ildy had me thinking again of the usual suspects but you have to be aware of something. I can only speculate on comic characters or characters that may be based on the comics. Certain elements from the show appear on and off in the tv series like the “space vagina” That was actually taken from the first issues of Lucifer and is shown near the end as well. 

So Ildy says that something might have indeed escaped Hell... Hmmm... What we can also speculate is that as Marcus is hunting down Sinnerman, this season’s bad guy only recently found his way to L.A. but the second season would have been enough for him to grow out of favours and establish a mob persona strong enough to get to L.A. and target Lucifer when Mum was gone... We might even suspect that Mum was but a diversion for Lucifer, Sinnerman created for him to make sure he was safe before he started plotting.... Of course, we cannot speculate everything. I’m sure that the writers have come up with some crazy and absurd details I cannot speculate about but that’s the thing, I can get to the comics and try to see who the usual suspects might be...  Right now I have two comic book, inspired perhaps than transferred from the comic book universe to the show, characters that might be Sinnerman. And then a third speculation...  The first but not the best candidate for Sinnerman’s real identity is Dumas. I’ll just copy paste his info here: 

Duma is a fallen angel from the DC Vertigo series The Sandman. Before The Sandman

Duma's name means "silence", and he is based on the angel Duma from Jewish mythology. In those tales, he is the angel of silence and death's stillness. According to these same stories, he is the guardian of Egypt and the prince of vindication. Based on this, one could speculate that he was the angel who killed the firstborn Egyptians in Moses' time. Some sources also name him a "Prince of Hell".

The Zohar, a book of Jewish mysticism, describes his position in Hell as such that he had "tens of thousands of angels of destruction" under him, and that he was "chief of demons in Gehinnon with 12,000 myriads of attendants, all charged with the punishment of the souls of sinners."

Dumah is also the name given to the guardian of the 14th gate, through which the goddess Ishtar passed on her journey to the underworld in Babylonian mythology. Dumah may or may not be related to Duma.

In The Sandman

In Season of Mists, we find that Lucifer has closed down Hell in frustration, and given the key to Dream. Eventually, after much squabbling between various gods, Duma and Remiel are assigned to assume control of Hell, and Duma accepts this.

After The Sandman

Following the end of The Sandman series, Remiel and Duma lose ownership of Hell in the Lucifer spin-off series. Duma eventually allies with Lucifer and Elaine Belloc to save creation, and persuades Hell's new ruler Christopher Rudd to bring his army to Heaven's aid at the Battle of Armageddon.

The second and the one I’m rooting more than Duma is The Silk Man...

Appearing for the first time in Lucifer: Nirvana, The Silk Man is an immortal sorcerer, described by Lucifer as

"..a fossil remnant from an earlier, cruder creation. His body is a weaving that has to be renewed constantly. His spirit too, come to that. A messy form of immortality, but it seems to do the job." In earlier days he was the leader of the Arao Jinn. He appears as a mercenary, hired by the angel Perdissa to kill Lucifer. He seems to need to consume living things to stay alive, weaving them into himself. He is severely damaged by Perdissa and eventually killed by Lucifer.

The Silk Man seems to be closely connected to my third speculation and as such it might be a merge of the two... In the comics, God admits that he was created by an external force and we do know that darker things lying around the cosmos and outside The Creation... Darker, twisted and defeated by Dad... Still, where would all these defeated “things” go? In Hell I suppose... 

Following a mythology of Zeus and how he enprisoned the Titans under the Earth, we can say that this is a popular mythos to follow with one crucial flow. What precedes you have the knowledge of how to overpower you in time... Amenadiel might have been around at that point and might had to help Him to get rid some of them Sinnerman included.....  Now The Silk Man was killed by Perdissa... But I suspect that Lucifer’s light bringing power which freed Mum might come back for that task... If you need more info about that just read Lucifer: Nirvana. Lucifer Issue 75 also has a good interaction of our hero with The Sillk Man as well though....

Anyway to finish this post... I do not believe that Sinnerman is a mere human but at the same time I cannot believe he is a celestial being at least not in the sense we have known them to be in the tv series so far. So perhaps an external force whch we know they exist from the comics? Perhaps... Let’s not forget that the Sinnerman as a casting role is new so I doubt we will see for example Malcolm back or anything of that nature in our screens soon but to the ones who want to learn more about the external forces I’ll just leave you with Carey’s two answers on that matter on Twitter...

The Dream of a Thousand Cats is a darkish one... The allegory in that story where cats once ruled over people only for the past to change goes beyond your usual comic book standards (even for Sandman in my opinion) and the fourth wall sometimes shutters but it is what it is.... 

As the episodes come rolling I’ll probably change my conviction over who Sinnerman is but until then this post will have to do... I apologise for its length :P