#he isn’t proud of this though…… in fact it terrifies him. he really REALLY doesn’t want to hurt somebody so badly one day while battling…….

[rejectclone]

Here’s some super rough bust doodles of my interpretations of the S4! 🍛🌺☢️💀

See below for like some brief explanations for each minor change, since honestly I’m content with how they appear in the manga buuuuuut of course I had to add some minor design changes that are relevant to some of my fav design tropes lol 🦑

🍛 ARMY 🔫

- He is the shortest in terms of height and bodily proportions in the entire S4, yet he’s also somehow the most ‘angular’ in a odd way. Short ears, yet they’re upturned and pointed, large pointy eyebrows but they’re very wide, the only one with a slightly smaller head yet a more pointy chin, smaller tentacles but with a more pronounced pointed tip, etc.

- His eye black grease/face paint is a bit more loose, to further show that he’s loosed up a BIT over the years, and is no longer that meticulous about applying it. He still wears it 24/7 though, even to sleep!

- Out of the entire S4, his skin is somehow the most clean with barely any indication of scars on it, as he takes healing any of his turfing injuries very seriously. Because of this, he is considered to have a baby face (much to his dismay, as he WANTS to look intimidating) even though the rest of his body is actually CUT and toned, due to him having a rigorous daily training routine (based upon the drill routines that were used during the Great Turf War….. he is REALLY into studying war history/LARPing as a Great Turf War solider lol)

🌺 ALOHA 🌊

- Average in terms of height with no real stand out features to his appearance, other than his ears being slightly longer and thinner, and his eyebrows being very thin as well. He does have some freckles that go across his face and neck/top half of his chest, and some that go down the back of his shoulders.

- Even though he spends such a excessive amount of time outdoors, and thus he should have a pretty dark tan, he applies sunblock HEAVILY. He still has a bit of a minor farmer’s tan when taking his namesake’s shirt off, but you honestly really can’t tell the difference.

- As a avid surfer, he is quite physically fit as well, but his muscle definition isn’t that developed. He’s got more of a slight ‘washboard’ physique (basically he DOES have abs, but they’re still kinda flush against the flat smoothness of his stomach/chest, and are not that pronounced), and thus he relies more on his bombastic personality to catch the attention of others than relying on his pseudo-pretty boy appearance.

☢️ MASK 👾

- CHRONICALLY ILL 24/7. The near-permeant case of hay fever he has is quite visible in regard to it’s impact on his appearance and body. Pale skin, massive and dark eye bags, bleary eyes, droopy ears, sagging tentacles, and of course the near-constant string of runny snot/translucent ink that dribbles out of his nose. He wears a gas mask for a reason, as it’s really the only excessively effective piece of gear on the market that can protect him from some common allergens.

- His skin tone is visibly more pale due to his illness, to the point where his body’s ink is actually visible THROUGH his skin. It appears as slightly blurry patches of turquoise ink, popping up pretty much anywhere across his body, and they come and go often. All of his body’s skin is quite thin, thus making this possible. In a way, this made piercing his ears with gauges easier to do, although he did bleed pretty badly….. for a short moment thankfully.

- Due to his illness, he tends to slouch constantly, but if told to stand fully upright, he actually QUITE TALL. The second tallest out of the entire S4, but of course this isn’t that noticeable due to his slouching and also how long and disheveled his clothing tends to be as well (minus his gas mask, which is in very pristine condition!). His thin and lanky body physique does lend well in battle shockingly enough, as he can swim in ink MUCH FASTER without the need of any swim speed up abilities on his gear, as it’s more or less a naturally latent ability to him.

💀 SKULL 🍭

- You thought Mask had some pretty prominent facial features? Well, Skull is akin to Mask, in terms of also being chronically ill, but with a WHOLE other condition that is a more….. Intense. He wears his infamous bandanna for a reason, mainly to cover up his gargantuan beak overbite. His eyemask is MUCH more darker and larger, the iconic lack of eyebrows and instead having a pronounced brow, the two rings in his eyes, his constantly standing-up tentacles (that also have some small sharp teeth in them…. hmm….), and some weird deep purple birth marks that streak across his entire backside of his body, all the way up to his neck….. Plus the fact that he towers over the rest of the S4 and MOST of the entire inkfish population is notable too. Plus he’s ripped, just utterly blowing Army and Aloha’s physiques out of the water.

- When taking off his bandanna, he immediately starts to sweat profusely, as he really, REALLY loathes exposing his entire face to pretty much anyone. Only Aviators, Vinatge, Mask, and Goggles (in that order) have seen his entire face when unobscured, and Goggles seeing his face was more or less a fluke, during their rematch.

- While he is actually kinda against body modification (due to already being deeply disturbed by his own) he still got two small piercings on his left ear, in a way to further push the public perception of him being a very intense and terrifying captain, as it does gives him a slight psychological advantage against weaker enemy teams in Turf War. He used to cover up his purple birthmarks with concealer, but after realizing how much of a tedious pain it was to apply it Every Single Day on his entire backside, he began to lie on how it’s a massive abstract styled tattoo. He did this to further push the ‘scary, badass, no-survivors Captain’ aura that had been applied to him by the eyes of the public. While he knows that he isn’t that cruel or mean in reality, he does lean on this misconception a lot, to get his way though anything.

[star-girl69]

Love Song

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader

—-

a/n: just needed to do some general hc’s to get all my thoughts in order i hope you all enjoy!!

Love song - Lana Del Rey

warnings: the formatting is weird idk why i can’t fix it but y’all will live, swearing, a little itty bitty bit of violence, every facet of clarisse finding its way here and i love them all, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

i’m sure we all agree on this

but clarisse is very protective of you

even if you’re a very capable fighter, even if you’re even better than her, clarisse is still so protective of you

i mentioned this in one of my fics (maybe so it goes…????) but like the reason behind this is the fact that clarisse is just SCARED

she is terrified of losing you bc you are the only one she feels like she can be herself with

like clarisse is insane!!!!! in a good way!!!!! but also she’s a 17 year old girl…. she wants TO BE LOVED

she tries to talk to you about how she feels about her dad and about everything else in her life, but even though she doesn’t want to be, she’s locked up like a vault

she knows her emotions are always super intense and she has big reactions

major anger issues but they’ve gotten better with age

the problem is she spent her entire life being told that she needed to calm down, that she couldn’t feel like that all the time, and she just tried to shut down

obviously that did not work

but it still makes it virtually impossible to talk about her feelings

when it comes to you tho she’s an open book

she’s a daughter of ares she’s headstrong she’s proud and her fatal flaw is PRIDE

i mentioned this before but she wants everyone to know that you’re hers and she’s yours

your relationship is partly very public

she’s not afraid to touch you or kiss you

she’s not afraid to show you off and (needs to) show everyone that yes your beautiful self belongs to HER

so naturally she gets very jealous

even when you’re like clarisse you are INSANE

there’s been a few times when you first started dating and you were still getting comfortable and weren’t that public yet so like someone would flirt with you

it went like this

boy: hey what’s up you’re kinda fine

y/n: oh! oh yeah no….. no…..

clarisse: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU—

then she started attacking him

lost dessert privileges for a month, she proudly declared that it was worth it (besides you would sneak her bites of yours like)

now that everyone knows you’re hers her jealousy is rooted a lot more in delusion and insecurity

you’ll be like in a group talking someone and she’ll pull you closer and be like “i think that guys staring at you a little too much.”

“clarisse no the fuck he’s not what”

b/c of the fact that she isn’t a son for her father she gets insanely jealous if specifically a MAN gets even an inch too close however innocently

she doesn’t want to think it but she thinks you’ll eventually realize her father is right and she’s not as useful or good bc she’s a girl

most of the time when she gets jealous bc of her insecurities she just becomes extra clingy

but also any emotion she feels she gets extra clingy to you so sometimes it’s hard to tell LMAO

she isn’t really a big hand holder but that’s only because she’s actually holding you CLOSER to her by your waist

also one more note about your relationship publically

everyone gets whiplash bc like she’s a BULLY fo everyone else and then you walk over and she’s all heart eyes

i hate everyone but you trope save me

save me i hate everyone but you trope

THIS HAPPENED IN IN A GOOD WAY

clarisse: pushes percy over

you: nuh uh clarissseeeeeeee

clarisse: omg hi beautiful gf

you: touches her shoulder, looks at her disapprovingly

clarisse: fine i’ll go, *scares percy*, bye bye beautiful ily

like she’s just being a bitch and then all of a sudden you come around and she’s like hiiiiiii babyyyyy how is my gorgeous gorgeous girl today??

so outwardly clarisse is just very proud and touchy

privately she lets herself be a little more chill

this is where she really touchy you thought before was worse nah

idk if y’all have noticed but in my fics clar’s always holding on y/n’s hips and that’s just me self projecting bc i have the most horrid hip dips but my point still stands

SHE LOVES YOUR HIPS

would totally call them “love handles” IM SORRYY

but she just likes having a place to hold where she can just like kinda actually physically grab you with her hands

like yeah she can wrap her arms around your waist but she likes to GRAB you

cuddling w her is fun bc like this girl cannot get ENOUGH of you there’s only like three ways you cuddle

you on top of her whether just like completely on top of her (one of her favs) or just with your head on her chest

this is what happens whenever you feel scared

like there was a monster attack just near the barrier and you’ve all been feeling uneasy all day

TRUST you are sleeping in her bed tonight

wraps her arms around you so tight it’s like she’s crushing you

also she’s running your back or caressing your head whichever you prefer

she keeps her spear right next to her bed and makes sure you can see it so you know however subconsciously NOTHING can hurt you bc she’s right there (nothings gonna hurt you baby vibes)

or she’s on top of you this one usually happens when she’s feeling a little extra insecure and jealous and it’s like no one can see you if she’s on top of her so then you’re hers

she isn’t the smartest one in the bunch but she has good intentions!!!!

also she lays on top of you if you get hurt

like after so it goes for example when y/n got that little cut on her hand

you’re like “clar pls you’re crushing me”

“um ok you scared the shit out of me today tho you need to LET ME do this fuck”

third option

you’re both laying on your side and facing each other legs tangled together and she’s probably whispering to you

she’s a big whisperer i feel it in my heart

like tracing her hands on your face and saying your so beautiful or telling you how you make her feel

oh lord take me now

also she loves you the way hozier loves

“someone asked me in the end i’d tell them ‘put me back in it’ // darlin’ i would do it again // if i could hold for a minute”

“when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth no grave could hold my body down i’d crawl back to her”

like she BREATHES for you

if she died and then you were like “i miss you” trust she would find a way to come back to life

totally daydreams about going on such a fantastical quest that the gods offer both of you immortality so you can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever

like if the world ends y’all would still be there having a little picnic date

devotion is the only word that comes close

anyways

ok nicknames she calls you:

baby, angel, gorgeous, pretty thing/girl, beautiful, lovely, dummy (lovingly)

(recently saw a few posts abt clarisse saying mama/mamas i may be swayed)

dates she takes you on:

forces you to train w her even if you don’t like it but she lets you win OBVIIIII, under the stars in the woods, take your dinners to go and sneak back to either hers or your cabin to eat together, secret makeout sessions in the bathroom her cabin your cabin anywhere she can get her hands on you

this is so random but i get horrible migraines and i am ADDICTED to these like headache relief frequency sounds on youtube i swear they work and i was like omg you can’t have electronics at chb I WOULD NOT SURVIVE

so if you are a real one like me and get horrible migraines but this goes for being sick in general she’s like a little puppy pretending to be a wolf barely holding it together

she’ll be like at the foot of your bed begging you not to go into the light while shouting at someone at the same time to refill your water

you like have a cold

she would rub your temples if you had a headache and she would literally be like a doll for you to move around like oh you wanna lay on her chest? by all means

you wanna lay upside down with your feet in her face? as long as you get better you can do whatever you want!

you don’t wanna touch her at all? that’s where she draws the line

you’ll be like “ugh i’m hot get away from me”

“okay ☹️☹️”

“why are you touching my feet with your feet”

she places you above everyone else

like yeah other people are ok…….

but you 😍😍😍😍😍😍

this is slightly cringe but she would fr burn the whole world down and not let a flame touch you

LIKE HAVE YALL SEEN THE ANONS IVE BEEN POSTING AND THE CAPTURE THE FLAG THINGS 😱😱😱😱 (y’all always check my blog im always posting the funniest shit bc i’m funny)

“you’re one opposite teams blah blah blah you get hurt clarisse drops EVERYTHING to help you even if just a paper cut” (i have no chill fic coming soon)

THEN THEN the other one that was like “ok but what if you ACTUALLY get hurt like broken leg”

clarisse just goes crazy when you’re hurt

in so it goes: “what if that cut gets infected?”

you’re her WORLD she literally can’t stand the thought or something happening to you or else she starts literally shaking in anger and sadness

but when clarisse gets hurt it’s a whole other story

LIKE FUCK YOU JUST WANNA CARE ABOUT HER AND SHES ALL LIKE “it’s chill.”

NO ITS NOT YOURE GONNA BLEED OUT 😭😭

clarisse never let’s anyone but you see her true emotions

like yeah when you’re in public and you’re being cutesy she starts smiling and everyone is SO confused

but still

she never lets anyone see her as WEAK

so she always downplays her injuries in terms of how much they hurt, but flaunts them off proudly at the same time?? yeah that makes sense

after a capture the flag game you march her to the bathroom with a first aid kit “ok baby take off your shirt”

she always makes some flirty comment like SHUSH NOT RN

then she has all these bruises and every once in a while a cut from someone’s sword

you’re like 😔😔💔

you’re the only one she will let clean her up

unless she like breaks a bone or needs stitches (which has never happened) no way in hell she’s going to the healers

if you’re a child of apollo or smth she’s like “i literally have my own person healer right here…..”

anyways i think that’s all but i will probably be updating this when i think of more stuff bc as we know i have no chill

thank you all sm for reading and reblogging and liking and commenting and sending all of your WONDERFUL asks they make me so happy i’m always giggling when i get one

anyways bye bye 😘

—

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme

[captainn-hook]

Character analysis on Prince Sidon (BOTW vs TOTK)

One thing I love about totk is how the game addresses Sidon’s trauma.

In botw you see how desperate he is for his father’s approval, it’s like Mipha set an impossible standard for dying not only for her domain and her people but for the whole kingdom of Hyrule. In their father’s eyes, she’s the perfect child, not only in personality but also in the way she’s honoured her family. Sidon sees how his father thinks of her, and although the king doesn’t do it consciously, he always put her on an impossibly high pedestal, and Sidon grew up believing that he HAD to meet that expectation, and that he would never, no matter how hard he tried.

When Link tames Vah Ruta and they both go to see the king, he tells his son:

“As your father, I am proud of you for fighting the Divine Beast alongside Link. You have grown much recently. I know you will be a worthy heir when your time comes.”

Then Sidon bows his head, as if he’s overcome with emotions because his dad tells him he’s proud of what he’s accomplished. King Dorephan isn’t a bad guy, don’t get me wrong, but the grief of losing his daughter (in this case, he thought she went missing and had been in the DB for 100 years, he didn’t know she died) made him sort of lose sight of Sidon’s achievements in those 100 years because he was so racked with worry and guilt. So although the king isn’t a bad father, he fails to reassure his son that he doesn’t need to do anything to make him proud (even though Sidon had definitely done stuff to make his dad proud over the years).

(Btw im pretty sure tripple digits in age is considered teens or early adulthood for Zora, so he’s still pretty young, I imagine around Link’s age if he were Hylian)

But that’s about all we get in botw.

So now we move on to totk. And oh boy do we get a load of Sidon angst. Some people might disagree with me but having read between the lines of what Lady Yona talked about (and just WHAT she actually said) in the first half of the water temple quest (before we find it, when we’re up in Mipha court), it really is angsty.

She’s aware of the fact that his sister’s death affected him a lot and still does despite knowing that her spirit moved on, and it (at this point) has started to affect their relationship.

Yona and Sidon have a disagreement before/after the battle with the Sludge Like, where they argue about him going with Link to this pillar of light that has suddenly appeared. It starts with Sidon saying: “Lady Yona! It is far too dangerous for you to be here” in reference to the sludge, but she has none of that.

She tells him that she wants him to go to the pillar with Link, and that: “For a long time, I have been concerned that you are holding yourself back and not acting as freely as I would have expected.” This has some credit because it’s mentioned somewhere how they were both childhood friends, and the Zora live long lives so it’s safe to assume their childhood is prolonged, which means that they’ve known each other for a very long time. Yona knows how he acts and behaves, his mannerisms and his fears, and that’s why she wants to push him to face them.

She tells him that if he goes with Link they’ll be able to overcome this problem, but he hesitates. She notices, asking him what is troubling him, and he hesitates again to speak what’s on his mind. This is when the Sludge Like comes in, and after the battle, the conversation continues.

Sidon hurries back to Yona and says: “Thank goodness. Lady Yona, if something had happened to you... I...” and there’s where it becomes clear just how terrified he is of losing her. He doesn’t finish the sentence, though, he changes the subject and tells her that she should go back to the domain in case more monsters show up. She tells him that he should focus on what Link said and that he can leave the court to them (Yona and the others that came with her). Sidon replies with: “W-well... Of course it would be best for me to accompany him. However, I cannot leave you alone in this dangerous place!” He’s ignoring what’s best and instead focusing on the safety of his betrothed, because of course he would! A monster just showed up and it took both Link and Sidon to take it down, imagine if neither of them were with her, what would happen? What would he do if she got hurt? And then the following dialogue happens (you dont need to read the whole thing, you can just skip to the bold parts):

Yona: “Did you not entrust this task to us already? We will not be on our own for long. We shall be just fine.”

Sidon: “But…”

Yona: “Sidon, my darling... I truly appreciate that you worry so for my safety. It speaks to the kindness in your heart.

But you are the prince of the Zora. One day, you will lead the people of your beloved domain.

I can see right through you, whether you want me to or not. You are yielding to the fear of losing someone you love again.

You must overcome your past and face whatever the future holds with courage.”

Sidon: “But... I...”

Yona: “Enough is enough! You are not acting like yourself! You must leave this place to me!

Sweet Sidon... Do not get lost in the past. You must keep moving ever onward. Just follow your heart, as you always do!”

Sidon: “Like my old self... Like I always do...”

Yona: “It is all right. I swear it. I am not going anywhere.”

Sidon: “I see... And there it is, clear as day... I was giving in to my fear of once more losing someone I love... I… I…

You are right, Yona! I will not give in to this fear! Nor forsake my trust in you! I leave this place to you, my love.”

[skip]

Yona: “All this time he was clinging to regret over being unable to save his precious sister, Mipha... My poor, tormented Sidon.

And to think he was unknowingly paralyzed from taking action because he feared losing me as well...

Yet he has overcome this trial and placed his faith in me. At last, the Sidon I know and love has come back to me.”

During this conversation, Sidon hesitates more than once and you can see it starting to irritate Yona because she knows the potential he doesn’t see in himself, because it’s not just fear of losing a loved one, but it’s his own insecurity from not being able to save Mipha.

He doesn’t care that he was very young and wouldn’t have been able to anyway, he just cares that he couldn’t. In his eyes, he failed to save his sister. And I’m not going to go too deep into this point but it’s clear that she was playing both older sister and mother, because we can assume their mother died a while back (she’s never mentioned and it’s just the two of them and their father even as far back as age of calamity if you want to include that).

What I’m saying is that with technically both the loss of his mother and his sister, it’s safe to assume that he feels some sort of responsibility for not being able to help, even if he was too young to do so, his disregard for the age he was at the time shows how much weight was left on his shoulders after Mipha died.

He never expected to be the heir to the throne, the sole survivor of his family (along with his dad), sure he’s a prince and princes have responsibility, but Mipha was always going to be in the spotlight (not that I’d imagine him jealous of this, it’s simply just a fact, and I think he might have actually even been comfortable with that), she was always going to be the Zora Champion and then Queen one day, so to have all of that suddenly dumped on him after the calamity as a literal kid would’ve undoubtedly had its effect on him.

Yona understands this, she tells Link, knowing he’s probably caught on, how he was “clinging to regret over being unable to save his precious sister, Mipha...”.

She has to reassure her love that she’s okay. “It is all right. I swear it. I am not going anywhere.”, she comforts him because she knows he needs it, he needs her to say it to him because that’s the only way he will believe she is in fact okay.

But his character develops. Sidon realises that in fearing for Yona, he has made her feel as if she isn’t trusted. He recognises the position he’s put them both in, him worrying relentlessly and stressing out about his loved ones because of his trauma, and her having to watch him fall down this never ending rabbit hole and being unable to do much about it because all he tries to do is shelter and protect her, even when it’s unnecessary.

But she does what she can anyway, and it pays off, because he comes back to reality and understands that although there will always be the risk of losing her, he knows that she is more than capable of taking care of herself. He knows of her strength, it was just hard for him to see the situation from her point of view. But she pushes him to do so, and he betters himself for her.

I think he’ll always have some small hint of this trauma response hidden away, but after this discussion, he’s got a firm hold on it, and is willing to control his fears for the love of his life so that they can start to build a life together without the sense of utter doom and despair over his past looming over them both.

I’m glad the writers did this, and didn’t just make them seem like this perfect couple with no issues, it shows a real and healthy relationship, and it shows that Sidon isn’t this perfect person and that he indeed has faults of his own.

That’s my take on it, anyway.

[wc-confessions]

Yo. This is going to be a long rant since I am currently reading Tallstar’s revenge. I really hate Sandgorse. And I kind of hate Palebird, but mostly Sandgorse. (Cw; Abuse) I put the warning since Sandgorse is clearly abusive, though people tend to overlook that. So I’ll be explaining a little bit about what he’s done to Tallpaw. When it comes to the abuse toms in the series, people tend to often ignore or just downright deny that. (Ex: Crookedstar ironically enough and I’m not talking about on Rainflower’s end. Goosefeather, Tigerclaw (To be clear from Mapleshade and Pinestar. Pinestar is neglectful while Mapleshade groomed him). So I will argue with you if you disagree that “Sandgorse isn’t abusive"; he is. He’s a god-awful father. If CPS was a thing in this universe, I’d call them on him. 

Early on in reading Tallstars Revenge I liked Sandgorse for his passion for digging and because he seemed like a super caring father at first. But as the story progressed, he just started pissing me off. I hate how he cares more for damn tunnels than he does for Tallpaw’s own well-being and what he wants. I hate how he tried to force Tallpaw to do something he didn’t want and then cold-shouldered him for rightfully being terrified. As I got to chapter 14, it’s clear he’s just plain emotionally abusive, and overall, he's an emotionally absent father from Tallpaw. He doesn’t care about Tallpaw’s feelings and often dismisses how visibly uncomfortable he was. 

He insulted his son and brushed off his concerns when the tunnels flooded. I liked him and genuinely thought he was interesting since nobody ever elaborated on why he was "bad,” but Jesus. Nobody ever said he was outright abusive. Like Tallpaw himself says, “But what I want didn’t seem important.” That is how terrible Sandgorse is. That is how his Abuse affects tallpaw. All throughout chapter 13 of the SE, he constantly thought about becoming a tunnel just to please Sandgorse. It’s so fucking obvious that Sandgorse is a shitty and abusive parent. But then again, abuse in the Warriors universe is often overlooked because of how poorly written and portrayed it is and because, in general, not many readers are educated on the different types of abuse and factors involved. That or either they just deny it even exists. I feel so bad for Tallpaw. Even after how Sandgorse treated him, he still loved his father enough to run away from home just to avenge him. Sandgorse is such an ass. And he should’ve even been grateful at all that he had a tallpaw considering his other kit finchkit died. And I love Sparrow (so far, let’s hope he’s still an angel). I love how he pushed Tallpaw to care about what he wanted instead of trying to make Sandgorse happy. I love that he encouraged Tallpaw to follow his own path instead of letting him think that his feelings and what he wanted didn’t matter.

 Ew and the dirty looks Sandgorse kept giving Tallpaw Chapter 14; Page 250; (digital copy)

“Tallpaw snapped his head up and tried to catch Sandgorse’s eye. Before he pushed his way through the heather, his father shot him a look that stabbed Tallpaw’s heart.”

Someone, please help this poor child. Even Dawnstripe (who is his mentor if you haven’t read the SE’s or haven't read Tallstar's yet) could see how shitty he treated Tallpaw.

“Dawnstripe brushed softly against Tallpaw. “Why don’t you run to the first marker?” she suggested. “It might wake you up a bit.” Tallpaw heard sympathy in her mew. She saw how Sandgorse looked at me.”

“Why can’t I have normal kin who care about my training and who are proud of me?”

The fact that he feels so unloved by his parents is genuinely tragic to me. He’s one of the cats in the series that deserves better than anyone. Along with Bumble,Turtle Tail, etc. There’s probably some others, but I have bad memory, so I can’t list them all. This poor cat is continually plagued with grief and feelings of failure, feeling like everything is his fault. It was heartbreaking to see that he thought Palebird would hate him because he felt it was his fault her friend Brackenwing died. Even Sandgorse believed that he’d killed Brackenwing. Though Palebird imo is just as shit about believing it too, I won’t just shit on him for that.

And Sandgorse is such an ass for shit-talking his own son to Sparrow: “A flood scared one of the apprentices, so yeah, it’s all his fault that we can’t tunnel, and I hate him.” And then, in the next chapter, he just dies. And Tallpaw risked his life to save his abuser.  I cannot stress enough how much he deserves better than what he got. He risked his life; he was fully ready to throw away everything just to save his father. He didn’t care how badly he’d treated him; he still loved him. And Hareflight pisses me off. He saw how Shrewpaw kept bullying and picking on Tallpaw and didn’t do anything to stop him, but as soon as Tallpaw beat Shrew's ass, he wanted to act like Tallpaw was in the wrong. In fact, I wouldn't even call it bullying at that point because it's gone so much farther than that. 

.

[tgmsunmontue]

Once Upon a Time in 1996... 7/7

IceMav TimeLoop. Maverick wakes up to a great day. Then it all turns to shit. Explicit.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

              Pete rolls out of bed, doesn’t bother dwelling on the now over-powering sense of muscle memory wanting to find Tom and sink into the space beside him. He’s used to his day starting apart from him, has come to enjoy the anticipation of seeing him again soon. Has forced himself to learn to enjoy the anticipation, knows he needs to start his day with Carole and Bradley before giving in to his desire to see Tom. He doesn’t know how long it’s been now, he stopped keeping count after one hundred, but he’s got a rough idea that it’s been months. Many months. He’s learnt so much about Bradley and Carole and Tom, but also himself. The monotony and routine of day-to-day life with a family that always terrified him before is now his new normal.

              He gets dressed quickly, knows he will be showering before lunch for other reasons if he gets his way. He quickly heads into the kitchen, starts the coffee machine and makes toast for Bradley, puts the bottle of wine away and puts the tissues within easy reach. Then he goes back upstairs and walks down the hall, knocks on Bradley’s door and pushes it open. Bradley is up and dressed but busy reading a book and he looks up guiltily at being caught out. Pete can’t help but smile, wondering what kind of kid feels guilty for being caught reading.

              “Hey Bradley. Brought you some breakfast. I need to talk to you…”

              He knows now that Bradley has seen letters from the hospital, knows that his mom is sick. He knows it’s cancer. They’ve had the following conversation dozens of times, Bradley isn’t unaware of what his mom is doing today but is definitely an expert in hiding the fact. He is such a risk-averse kid, doesn’t want to rock the boat or upset the adults in his life and he knows he probably worries about being left behind but he knows he can allay those fears almost immediately.

              “Hey Mav…”

              He sits down on the edge of Bradley’s bed, rubs his hands together and smiles softly, sadly.

              “Hey. Wanted to talk to you about something pretty important.”

              “Okay. What?”

              “Well, you know how your mom is sick, well, I wanted to ask you how you would feel about me adopting you, incase anything happens to her.”

              “Oh. She’s really sick huh?”

              Pete nods.

              “Yeah, she is. I don’t know all the details, but she has an appointment this morning. I know you saw a letter from the hospital and have been waiting for your mom to tell you. But she’s been wanting to protect you from having to worry about all of this.”

              “I’m not a kid! She can tell me stuff!”

              “Oh Bradley, she knows she can. She just loves you and wants to protect you. But she can’t against this, and that hurts her more than anything else in the world.”

              “I just want to be there for her like she’s always been there for me…”

              “Yeah, that’s amazing of you Bradley. But I’m pretty sure that’s a hard idea for your mom to accept. I think you wanting to be there for her is amazing though, so even if she says no, I am still so proud of you okay?”

              “Oh… thanks Mav.”

              “You’re welcome kiddo.”

              “And it’s yes by the way. About wanting to be adopted by you. I’d like that. A lot.”

              “So would I. I love you kiddo.”

              “Love you too Mav…”

              He pulls Bradley into a hug and holds him for a good minute or so before loosening his grip and pulling away a bit.

              “Right, so she has this hospital appointment and I’m going to try and convince her to take you with her okay? So you can be there for her like you want to be. Afterwards go for a walk along the pier and get an ice-cream. Here, here’s a twenty. You treat your mom okay?”

              Bradley nods, and Pete can tell he’s close to tears, wants to tell him it’s okay to cry, because they’ve cried together a lot, and he knows they will in the future if they ever get a tomorrow, but he’s done enough for today, knows Bradley will be okay, feels reassured that things might suck, but he’ll be okay.

              “Just… stay in here until I’ve talked to your mom okay?”

              “Okay.”

              “Read your book.”

              That gets him a grin and he ruffles his hair, laughs as Bradley tries to bat his hand away and he closes the door behind him, quickly going and turning the coffee machine on, because this is definitely a conversation that relies heavily on the consumption of coffee. He has his conversation with Carole down to a fine art, a script that runs almost automatically through his head without him even thinking about it. Her response, her easy acceptance of his weird living-hell, it’s both the hardest and easiest conversation of the day.

              He goes back upstairs and knocks on her door, knows not to just open it, that she doesn’t want to be caught crying, not yet, not if she’s going to agree to Bradley going with her. She needs to have coffee first. To feel more settled and to have already heard the bad news from him. The fact that he can prepare her, that she can begin to process it and then face the inevitable of telling Bradley.

              “Hey Carole, I need to talk to you. I’ll make you a coffee… ”

              “I’ll be right there.”

              “No rush…”

              He knows she’ll rush a little anyway, her mind already thinking about where she needs to go, and he knows it’s partly due to not knowing for certain that she’s hating right now. They’ve talked about it extensively and right now he probably knows how she’s feeling better than she does. She enters the kitchen and he passes her coffee, made perfectly after fuck knows how many days of practice and she takes a sip, clearly waiting for him to talk, seeing as he’s the one who told her not ever ten minutes ago that he wanted to talk. However he waits for her to be halfway through the first cup, glances at the time and he’s ahead of schedule.

              “You okay Maverick?”

              He laughs under his breath but nods, because despite everything her attentiveness still makes him feel incredibly lucky to count her as one of his closest friends.

              “Yeah. I’m… I’m okay. Mostly. Right. So this might sound crazy, but I’ve told you this well over three hundred times now and in none of those have you ever not believed me,” Pete starts, and sure enough her eyes are wide, eyebrows hidden by her fringe but he’s used to this expression now.

              “I’m stuck in a time loop. You have a hospital appointment about your cancer and the news is not good. Really not good. Six months, maybe a year. But I think you know that already. We skipped the appointment a good chunk of days. Got drunk a few others. I went with you to the appointment about a hundred times. We’ve discussed how much it sucks every single day…”

              She’s finished the cup and he silently pours her a second one, adding the creamer and sugar before handing it back.

              “It does suck,” she says, voice catching wetly and he nods silently, leaves her a few beats to think, to let the tears trickle silently, and this is why he has Bradley stay in his room. There had been yelling the one time, Bradley angry and Carole upset. It had only happened the once. He doesn’t like them yelling at each other.

              “It does. I wish I could tell you something different.”

              She wipes at her eyes, sniffs and he slides in close and wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly.

              “What I can tell you is that you can stop worrying about telling Bradley. He already knows. He saw a letter you’d left out. For a little while now Bradley has been going to the appointment with you.”

              “What?”

              “He already knows you’re sick,” Pete repeats, continuing to hold her. “He’s been waiting for you to tell him.”

              He remembers the first time he’d figured out that Bradley already knew, it had assuaged his guilt immediately. He knew Bradley was smart. It had also reminded him that as much as he considered Carole and Bradley his, when he’s away on deployment, they’re a little duo, happily going about their day-to-day lives, always there for each other. It feels right that they’re together through this as well.

              “He has a lot of questions, questions the doctor can answer. He’s been reading up. He wants to be there for you like you’re there for him all those times while he was growing up.”

              “He’s still growing up Maverick.”

              “Yeah, he is and he’s turning out to be this amazing caring young man who wants to be there for his mom when she receives this terrible news. You’ve raised such an amazing person Carole…”

              “We’ve raised an amazing person you mean…”

              “I don’t feel like I can take the credit, but I won’t argue with you. He wants to be there with you. For you.”

              She starts crying again and this is fine, this is how it’s gone before, when she realizes that Bradley is mature enough to make his own decisions and agrees to let him go with her. He just needs to tell her one more thing.

              “Also, I asked him if he’d mind if I adopted him. He said yes. We’ll sort out a lawyer if we ever get out of this time loop. Wasn’t a fan of the one time we actually made it to a lawyer.”

              “Are you sure it’s okay that he comes with me?” Carole asks, and he’s glad that today that is her question, rather than what happened with the lawyer.

              “More than okay. He already knows and it’s going to be scary for him, but it’ll be scary for you too and you’ll be there together. It always works out well at the end of the day…”

              “What about you though, you don’t want to come with us as well?”

              Pete licks his lips and pulls away, because this is always the kicker, the bit that makes her tip over into knowing he’s actually in a time loop and he’s come to enjoy her delighted surprise rather than be insulted by it. He was a little blind before, he can admit it now.

              “No. I have another conversation I need to go have. This last thing, which I think is always what makes you realize I’m serious. I know Ice is in love with me. That he’s been in love with me for years. And god, I love him so much it’s ridiculous.”

              “Oh my god! You’re going to go and talk to him?”

              Like every single other day Carole is overjoyed that he’s realized he’s in love with Tom. That his happiness ranks above her own issues tells him how much she loves him and he grabs her and hugs her, his grin wild as he just lets happiness wash through him.

              “Hey Carole, I love you.”

              “Love you too Maverick… of my god. Iceman is going to be blindsided. Does he know how you feel? Of course not, you haven’t told him. Oh my god I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you tell him!”

              “Uh… you wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall.”

              “Why not?”

              “You want a show with your declarations of love?”

              “Oh really now? How many times has that happened?”

              Pete blushes, because he’s had plenty of sex, nearly daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and Carole is laughing so much she has tears in her eyes but they’re tears of happiness and Pete doesn’t care if she’s laughing at him.

              “Oh Maverick, that’s amazing. I needed some good news. How does he take it? Well obviously, if there’s a show.”

              “Took a few times to get there, learnt about his secret stash of vodka. Drank his bottle of vodka. He… he’s surprised but happy,” Pete decides on, because that’s a pretty tidy summary of his repeated days with Tom. They haven’t progressed past that honeymoon realization, even if he has, his own emotions settling into a bone-deep assuredness that he loves Tom with every fiber of himself.

              “So, Bradley and I go to the hospital and you go off and have sex with Iceman. I know what I’d rather be doing…”

              Pete coughs, coffee catching in his mouth and Carole is laughing again, eyes crinkled shut and he can’t help but join in.

              “We’ll come around this afternoon.”

              “Don’t drag yourselves out of bed on my part,” Carole says, still sniggering with amusement and Pete shakes his head.

              “He’ll want to see you and Bradley.”

              “Okay, well then. I guess I better get going. Has Bradley had breakfast?”

              “I took him toast.”

              “Of course you did.”

              “He’s reading, told him to stay in his room until I came and got him.”

              “Thanks Maverick.”

              He shrugs, because he feels like he’s only getting everything right because he’s had so much practice at it.

              “I’ll see you later.”

              “Of course.”

              He leaves them to it then, doesn’t need to hang around to watch them leave. He eyes the grass as he walks to his bike and he knows it’s not any longer than it was yesterday but it still annoys him. He can’t rush to Tom’s, he’s out running and he’s learnt to time talking with Ice for after his morning run. Tom has too much nervous energy that tips over into annoyance if he hasn’t gone for a run, although there were a couple of times when Pete managed to distract him with sex, but the best days are the ones where he’s waiting for Tom and gets to see him run toward him dripping sweat. He’s quite a fan of the sight.

              Sure enough there’s no answer at the front door, which he knew would be the case but he also can’t stop the habit of checking just in case. He settles on the porch stairs, stretches out his legs and leans back, knows that the pose is a little provocative which is exactly why he does it, times it for just as he spies Ice running toward him and he tips his head back, eyes closed and soaks up the warmth from the early morning sun. He hears the rhythm of Tom’s pace falter as he sees him and he cracks an eye open, smiles slowly and resists the urge to just go over and rub himself all over him.

              “Hey Tom…”

              He loves the surprised delight on his face when he hears Pete call him Tom.

              “Maverick… what are you doing here?”

              “Well, I need to talk to you,” Pete starts, because he’s learnt after all the times of doing this, that fast and to the point are best. Ripping off a band aid. In all the times he’s done this Ice has never reacted violently, sometimes he’s gotten angry, thinking Pete was making fun of him, but he’s learnt exactly how to do this now. He stands up, the one step giving him the height advantage and with it he can see the way Tom’s eyes track over his facial features, dipping to his mouth and he licks his lips automatically.

              “What do you need to talk about so urgently that it couldn’t wait until tonight?”

              “Well, I want to spend more of today with you than just tonight. Also, what I really need to tell you is that I love you. So much. And for a long time. I don’t even know how long any more,” Pete says, because he knows he’s over three hundred days, but has given up trying to keep track for his own sanity. “I know you’ve been making yourself sick, smoking too many cigarettes, thinking about telling me. How I might react. Well. It’s better than your best-case scenario, because I love you, and I want to be with you, and I know it’s not going to be easy. Sometimes you’re going to want to kill me. I’m going to drive you crazy. But I’ll always love you…”

              He holds his breath then, because there’s four different ways that Tom usually reacts. Disbelief; have you been drinking? Shock; oh my god, you can’t be serious. Anger; don’t make fun of me Pete. I think you should leave. And his personal favorite, terrified hope, which is never words but actions, trembling hands reaching out to touch him. He takes one in his hand now, tugs him up the steps and nods toward the door and watches as Tom’s hand shakes a little as he slides the key in.

              “Come on, let’s talk some more…”

              Of course, once the door is shut he doesn’t let a single moment pass, simply lets himself give in and presses himself against Tom and leans up to kiss him, lets his hands rest on his waist, but he doesn’t make any effort to hide his attraction or the fact that he very clearly wants to be there, here, with him. He also knows it stops Tom from doubting him, from overthinking his declaration.

              “Maverick… what…”

              “Today has been a very long day…”

              “It’s not even nine-thirty.”

              He laughs, kisses him again, doesn’t want to ruin this time with Tom yet, knows he can and will tell him later about Carole, but they have plenty of time and he also knows that Tom is going to want a shower, wants to wash off the sweat of his run and Pete wants to help him. The talk about the time loop goes a whole lot better when Ice is one orgasm in, like he takes Pete’s declaration of being in love with him much better after he’s been for a run. It’s been a lot of trial and error, but he’s learnt these things now.

              “Come on… shower.”

              “What?”

              “You want a shower but are feeling like a bad host because you don’t want to leave me alone. Solution is to have me shower with you…”

              Every.

              Single.

              Time.

              He grins at the expression on Tom’s face, like Pete has spoken a foreign language that he feels like he should know but still can’t understand. He helps the translation by walking toward the shower and stripping off his clothes as he goes, looking over his shoulder with an expectant look and sure enough Tom catches on and scrambles to follow. He leaves a trail of clothes, can sense when Tom enters his personal space because he can feel the heat of his body, still elevated from his run. He turns the shower on and grabs towels, before turning to face Tom who is still standing there, fully dressed and watching him silently.

               “I know this seems fast for you… just, trust me?”

              He knows Tom trusts him with his life, but every day he gets to watch this decision as Tom trusts him with something more. His heart, his vulnerability, his fears… Pete will do his utmost to never make that trust falter, not in this. In them. He waits for the short sharp nod of Tom’s head and then tugs at his t-shirt. Tom gets the message and immediately strips it off over his head, his hands hesitating briefly at the band of his shorts but Pete knows this now, strips off his own underwear, unafraid of going first.

              He lets his fingers ghost over Tom’s skin, damp with sweat and the raising humidity of the bathroom and he pushes him toward the shower, but not before placing a soft kiss to the edge of his mouth, pleased when he feels the twitch of a smile and he gives him a few seconds, just enjoys the view before Tom realizes he’s being watched and reaches for him, hand still trembling slightly and Pete squeezes it reassuringly. Then he’s under the spray of water and he sinks to his knees, smirks at the expression on Tom’s face which is sheer wonder and disbelief. He knows that this is one of Tom’s fantasies, and okay, it’s not the locker room, but he’s still on his knees in the shower.

              “Oh my god… Pete.”

              He bites his lip as he grins, meeting Tom’s eyes. He runs his hands over Tom’s thighs, coarse hair under the pads of his fingers tips and he runs his fingers over the swelling flesh of Tom’s cock before he places a gentle kiss to the head. Smirks when he feels Tom’s hips jerk with little to no control and he knows better than to wish to be able to do this every day for the rest of his life, considering his current issues, but god he has hopes for his future.

              He knows this is going to be over quickly. He knows exactly how to get Tom off as quickly and efficiently as possible, and while he’s not aiming for a personal best today, he’s not going to waste time either. Round two is always much more enjoyable. He licks his lips and lets a little of the shower water gather in his mouth before he then sucks Tom’s cock into his mouth, three small sucks in quick succession, head bobbing as he feels Tom getting harder, feels the muscles under his fingers flex in an effort to not buck wildly.

              He massages his thighs, imitates a rolling motion and Tom latches on, his body slowly rocking forward and back and Pete relaxes, lets him slowly and shallowly fuck his mouth, lets one of his hands drift to Tom’s balls, savors the muffled groan Tom makes around the fleshy part of his hand that he’s shoved in his mouth. He’ll have time to make Tom loud later, make him forget to hold himself back. He presses a knuckle to his perinium, massages it, gently, sucks at Tom’s cock as he rocks into his mouth and Pete moans, his own erection heavy between his thighs but so far neglected. He can wait. His body might not think he’s gotten off, but his mind knows and if he can holdout it will be amazing. There’s nothing but the sound of water, gasp-y breaths and skin moving slickly on skin, moan and groans echoing around the confined space, his own name punched out of Tom every so often and then he feels every muscle under his hands tense up and then he’s swallowing, Tom coming with a shudder and a painful sounding whine, his fingers resting softly on Pete’s head before pulling back.

              Pete stands, his knees and jaw both aching but in the best ways and he swallows a mouthful of shower water and then pulls Tom down into a kiss, knows Tom’s brain is still throwing up disbelief with every second thought.

              “Love you,” Pete says, knowing Tom needs to hear it again, needs to know that this isn’t just something sexual.

              “I… I love you too. I. You… you’re really good at that.”

              “Mmm. Come on. Finish washing yourself. I need to get clean as well, then I want to get you into bed.”

              He watches as Tom’s Adam’s apple works soundlessly and he wraps his arms around Tom’s waist, presses a kiss to his bicep and presses his erection against his thigh. Tom’s hand goes to it, wraps around it tentatively and Pete’s reminded of how inexperienced Tom is now, compared to him with his hundreds of days’ worth of experience.

              “No rush, but I want you to fuck me.”

              Tom makes an inarticulate sound and Pete ducks his face to hide a grin, because he knows what he wants and he knows now how easy Tom is for him, that he doesn’t even have to really ask before Tom will give him anything within his power. He can’t believe he missed it for so many years. They make out, slow and exploratory and he let’s Tom take his time, savors the sensations the gentle finger elicit and wonders if he’ll get to have Tom fuck him with familiarity, be a little rough with him, not be so gentle like Pete is a gentle precious gift. Not that he’s complaining, but he wants that. Wants everything.

              They move to the bedroom and he makes Tom lie down in the middle of the bed, pretty much lies on top of him like a weird body-shaped blanket and continues to run his hands over him, rocks his body against him and lets him feel how turned on he is, knows he finds it reassuring and he’ll tell him later that it’s all because of him. That Pete wouldn’t be like this with anyone else, not anymore.

              “How are you feeling?” Pete asks, because there’s a couple of variable answers to this question as well, none of them bad though, nothing he can’t course-correct.

              “Good… so good.”

              “Good. Want to tell you something. It’s not as important as me telling you I love you, but there are a couple of things which are pretty significant, and one is definitely tied to the fact that I know you love me and have done for a long time. And that you keep a bottle of vodka in your freezer for when you just can’t bear it anymore…”

              “What are you talking about?”

              “This is where I need you to trust me. I’m in a time loop and am stuck in this day and have been for a very long time.”

              He’s straddling Tom’s thighs, hands resting on his chest, staring down at him and Pete knows his expression is deadly serious, has to be if Tom is going to believe him.

              “A long day. You said it had been a very long day.”

              “Yeah. The first few days were a bit messy, I was dealing with something else and didn’t take your coming out with quite the grace I would have liked. Plus you never knew about me sleeping with men as well as women.”

              “Maverick…”

              “Sorry, I’m usually better at this part. I’m in a time loop and every day I come over here and get to tell you that I love you, that I feel the same way about you. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before, but I see it now…”

              “A time loop…”

              “Yep.”

              “Why should I believe you?”

              Pete grins then, because this is one of his favorite bits and he slides his body against Tom’s, quirks an eyebrow.

              “Because you’ve told me all your fantasies. Wasn’t a coincidence that I gave you a blowjob in the shower. And I know you want to spank me next time I do something stupid. I know who you’ve had sex with… hundreds of days with you and I want hundreds more.”

              He would of course like hundreds of different ones, but he’s not going to bring that into their conversation right now, wants Tom to hear and realize the truth of what he’s saying.

              “Is that why you’re…”

              “So good in bed? Well, I probably know your body better than I know my own now.”

              “How…”

              “I have no idea. But one time I said I felt bad that I got to remember all our firsts and you just said I was racking up the flight hours and could show you all the tricks…”

              Tom quirks an eyebrow.

              “That does sound like me.”

              Pete grins and leans down to kiss him, feels one of Tom’s hands grasp an ass cheek and squeeze and he knows they’re going to be alright. For today.

              In the beginning he’d mixed it up every time they had sex, knowing that he’d get to start afresh, just making sure it was always good for both of them in case tomorrow did arrive. There have been some truly hilarious moments together, and some not great awkward moments because sex is messy and bodies can be inconvenient things. However his favorite is riding Tom, watching his face as he pushes into Pete for the first time.

              “Oh my god you feel good… Gorgeous.”

              “Lots of practice. With you.”

              “Think that’s a good thing, don’t like the idea of you with anyone else.”

              Pete smirks, because that isn’t a surprise either, Tom wanting to lay claim and ensure Pete knows it. Tom’s hands won’t stop moving, touching everywhere they can reach and Pete leans down so they can kiss easily and enjoys the shift of Tom’s body under him, cock in him and he groans appreciatively. Rocks his hips a little to repeat the motion and yeah, feels good.

              “You like this?”

              “Yeah. Yeah I like it. So do you by the way…”

              “Really?”

              “Yeah. You look beautiful stretched around my dick.”

              Tom’s hips jerk then, and he presses into it, can’t help the grin, nips at the sensitive skin of Tom’s throat and kisses him again before sitting back up and raising off Tom’s cock before sinking back down, feeling smug at the broken sounds Tom makes.

              “Fuck… Pete.”

              “Yeah, come on. Want to hear you…”

              He’s been hard or semi-hard for over an hour, his body reaching a level of arousal where it just simmers away while he waits for Tom. His delayed gratification is worth waiting for every time, something he’d never thought was worthwhile before. Now the anticipation just winds him tighter and higher and the sounds their bodies are making, adding to it all. Tom is panting, his eyes not leaving Pete’s body, tracking his facial expressions, but sliding down his body to his cock. His hands are scrambling for the lube, then a cool slick hand is wrapped around his own dick, and he lets out a shout.

              “Pete… come on Pete.”

              His thighs are burning, knees tender from kneeling on the hard tiles, his stomach tense with curled-tight pleasure aching to be released. His entire body feels electrified, alight with energy but tinged with a side of pain which he knows how to ignore. Their bodies are shifting against each other, both chasing their own release and he wraps his hand around Tom’s, encourages his hand to go harder, faster and then he’s coming, breath punched out of him and his eyes squeeze shut despite him willing himself to keep them open so he can watch Tom.

              He can watch him now though, mouth fallen open, eyes almost black with how wide his pupils are blown and he doesn’t even resist the urge to reach for his mouth with a couple of his fingers, a little come on them and then Tom is sucking them into his mouth, fingers of both hands suddenly gripping so tightly to Pete’s thighs he’s going to have bruises tomorrow. If he gets tomorrow. He pushes the thought away and enjoys the moment, leans down again for a kiss, ignores the cooling come now being smeared between them, swallows Tom’s whimper with his own mouth as his body tightens and Tom comes, body shaking.

              Pete lets him enjoy the afterglow for a few minutes, but reaches for the condom as Tom’s cock softens and slips out and he kisses him through it all, doesn’t let the body contact break. Then he bullies Tom into having another shower, ignores his grumbling about wasting water and Pete grumbles back that showering together will actually save water, which always makes him flush with pleasure and Pete knows he’s thinking about the blowjob.

              He still has to tell Tom about Carole, and he doesn’t want to tell him in bed, or in the shower, not with the memories he wants those places to have for them, so he tells Tom he wants a coffee, maybe a snack to keep his energy up which gets him an eyeroll but it’s affectionate and when he kisses Tom on the cheek he delights in the shy surprise. Once they’re seated at the table, no romantic dinner evidence in sight he rests his feet alongside Tom’s.

              “So there’s still something else I need to tell you.”

              “Something else?” Tom asks, expression on his face disbelieving and he wishes he didn’t have to do this part, but the few times he’s not told Tom he’d simply felt physically sick about keeping it from him.

              “Yeah. Not good news this time. Carole is sick. Cancer. She has six months, maybe a year.”

              “What? Where is she?”

              “At the hospital.”

              “You let her go alone?”

              “She’s not alone. Bradley is with her. They’re… she knows about the time loop as well. I told her what the doctor is going to say, so she’s prepared for it. Bradley has lots of questions though, and he so desperately wants to be there with her. They’re okay. Trust me. She knows where I am.”

              “Oh.”

              “Yeah, I’m here with her blessing. She wants us to be happy…” Pete says, remembering her chortling laughter from that morning. “Also I’m going to adopt Bradley.”

              “Oh my god… is there anything else?”

              Pete huffs then, realizing adopting Bradley is probably another piece of news he should maybe break a bit softer, although Tom doesn’t seem too surprised by it.

              “No. Nothing else. Just…” he glances at his watch. “Come on, we have an ice cream date…”

              “We do?”

              “Yeah…”

              He hasn’t done this before, not with Tom as well, but he knows Carole and Bradley go for a walk along the pier and get ice cream after they visit the hospital. Some days after his morning with Tom he’d joined them, leaving Tom to process everything. Today though he wants Tom to come with him, not ready to say goodbye. Hopefully they can catch them and the four of them can do something together, rather than just the usual dinner which has happened so many nights instead.

              He lets Tom drive them, spies Carole’s little Honda Civic and points it out, Tom parking not far away. They don’t hold hands as they walk, he learnt the hard way that is a step too far for Tom, too much considering he isn’t in this loop with the sure feeling that there are no consequences to his actions out in public. But he whispers in his ear that he wishes they could and the shy smile he gets back makes him feel warm all over, and the drag of warm fingers over the back of his hand add to that.

              Bradley sees them first, his happy yell at seeing Tom after getting back from his deployment reminding Pete that he’s actually been away for months, even if Pete feels like Tom’s been back longer. Bradley tries to convince them he should be allowed more ice cream, but Carole refuses. She’s smiling, even though her eyes are a little red. Tom gives her a bone-crushing hug and Pete distracts Bradley with some boat watching while Carole and Tom quietly murmur to each other, no doubt discussing either the time loop, cancer or the fact that they collectively think he’s finally lost his mind.

              Most days he’s either stayed with Tom, or just gone home and waited for Carole and Bradley. For a very long time the days have ended with the four of them having dinner together, although what they eat changes. Tom has always sought him out when he’s left him alone, although some days it’s only an hour while other days it is several hours before he turns up on Pete’s doorstep. Today though he doesn’t want their time together to end and they’re almost back at their cars, so he suggests they get a late lunch before heading to the zoo. Bradley is enthusiastic, suggesting a whole list of potential lunch places.

              “The zoo?” Tom asks, leaning against his car.

              “Maybe I don’t want our date to end.”

              “Our first date has Carole and Bradley tagging along?”

              “Our first date today does, but don’t worry, you’ll have me all to yourself later.”

              “Mmm. Good to know,” Tom says, tone soft but expression completely serious and Pete lets the wash of anticipation flow through him.

              Lunch is easy, a diner half-way to the zoo which apparently does great milkshakes and Bradley is talking animatedly about his plans for summer and the conversation between them all is comfortable and relaxed. Tom lets his ankles rest against Pete’s, lets their hands brush and thighs press against each other in the booth. It’s not holding hands and screaming from the rooftops but it’s more than enough compared to the nothing he had.

              They spend over three hours at the zoo. Pete buys four disposable cameras, gives one to each of them and keeps one for himself. Informs them they’re documenting everything from then on and he gives Carole a kiss on the cheek as she smiles at him, eyes almost brimming over with tears and he tries to be positive; the idea that taking photos that won’t even exist on the negatives in twenty-four hours isn’t a heart-breaking thought.

              They get back to the house and it’s been an amazing afternoon, full of laughter and love and he thinks he will try and do this again tomorrow, the novelty of it still there, the feeling of rightness even more so. Still wishes he could get the photos developed and keep them, knows they’ll be gone by the time he wakes up tomorrow. Carole and Tom are discussing making dinner and he eyes the grass. Remembers his first couple of days, when he cut the grass and it’s been bugging him today, more than it has other days so he decides to give in and cut it, muttering under his breath about needing to cut the grass and Tom simply shrugs.

              “Getting to watch you get all hot and sweaty while you carry out yard work. Hard life but I think I’ll manage…”

              Pete wasn’t expecting that and he laughs.

              “God I love you.”

              Tom blushes and Pete gives him a quick kiss, grips his hand before he pulls away to go and fetch the lawn mower from the garden shed.  It’s not a large lawn by any stretch, but if he’s going to do the job, he’s going to do it properly so he does the edges with the trimmer as well. Doing it late afternoon is definitely hotter work than it is first thing in the morning. He tidies everything away and goes back inside and he’s definitely hot and sticky and now in need of a third shower and says as much, excusing himself for the upstairs bathroom and ignoring Carole’s snort. He doesn’t expect Tom to follow him, but he does and he’s being pushed against the bathroom door, the shower not even running warm yet and Tom is stripping his clothes off.

              “My turn to clean the sweat off you hmm?”

              “Pretty sure I didn’t lick you clean…”

              “Don’t ruin my fun.”

              He mimes zipping his mouth shut, although the effect is likely ruined when his mouth immediately drops open as Tom curls a hand around his cock and he jerks into it, his breath punching out of him in surprise.

              “God you’re gorgeous…” Tom says, voice quiet and whispered into his ear and Pete can’t help the high-pitched whine he lets out. “Got to be quiet.”

…           …           …

              Carole generously gives them an hour before she’s yelling for them, telling them dinner’s ready and as she places food on the table she raises an eyebrow.

              “You’re on dinner tomorrow night. Regardless of how that tomorrow shapes up. I’ll know.”

              Pete snorts, because neither Carole or Tom have remembered anything from any previous days, but he nods and promises to make dinner tomorrow night. He usually orders pizza on the nights he’s meant to cook, but he has to admit to himself that he’s a bit sick of pizza. They sit and eat, similar to lunch, feet and ankles touching beneath the table, although in the privacy of home Tom lets his hand rest right beside his. They listen to Bradley talk about the book he’s reading, Tom’s deployment, things Carole wants to do, which is bittersweet, but it also feels right.

              He and Carole are doing the dishes together, Tom and Bradley now discussing something else related to the relative speed of land mammals versus aquatic mammals and he’s not worried about being a solo-parent to Bradley, because he won’t be. He’s going to have Tom there if it ever does happen.

              “Good day?” Carole asks, bumping her hip against his and he smiles.

              “Yeah, definitely one of the best.”

              “Good. Glad to hear it. You seem happy.”

              “Yeah. Yeah I am,” Pete says, accepting the truth of it. He’s had good days before, some of them better than this one, many a lot worse. But today is definitely in the top ten

…           …           …

              “Is it okay if I stay?” Tom asks, his hand resting softly on his hip and Pete presses into it, needs to feel the warmth and strength of his hands on him.

              “I’d love to wake up with you tomorrow morning. Of course you can stay.”

              It’s not the first time Tom has stayed over, and while he usually sleeps in his underwear and a t-shirt because he gets cold alone he knows he will be plenty warm enough with Tom in bed with him. He doesn’t even have to worry about waking up cold, because he’ll wake up and magically be dressed again. They kiss softly, mouths cool and minty-tasting and he relaxes into it.

              “That will never get old…”

              “I’m glad to hear it.”

              He feels the soft kiss to his forehead as he drifts off to sleep.

…           …           ..

              He wakes up.

              Alone.

              Tom isn’t there and yesterday had felt… right.

              Not perfect, because no day can ever be that, but it had felt right, and good, and okay, if he can make today feel like that again then he’ll count it as a win.

              He rolls over, kicks the blankets off and stops, looks down at his chest, his thighs.

              He’s still naked.

              There are bruises on his thighs.

              He’s never woken up naked before.

              He sucks in a sudden panicked breath and stumbles to standing, then his bedroom door is opening and Tom is stepping inside, closing it quietly behind him and Pete reaches a hand for him.

              “You’re here.”

              “I’m here… where did you think I was? Do you not want me here?”

              “You’re here,” Pete repeats, and his breath catches, eyes sting and then he’s crying, unable to breathe in deep enough and Tom has scooped him up into his arms, is rocking him back and forth while Pete is pretty sure he’s going to pass out and they both ease down into the bed. Tom is running his fingers through his hair, mouth near his ear, voice quiet.

              “Yeah… I’m here. It’s Saturday.”

              He curls his fingers into the cloth of Tom’s t-shirt, unwilling to let go for fear of him going somewhere else, of not having this anchor to this new day. He is in his bed, in his bedroom, in his home with Carole and Bradley but it’s the next day. His brain can’t compute it, that he is somehow no longer trapped repeating the same day over and over again. He doesn’t know what he can do that might help convince himself that it is indeed the next day.

              “The photos… can you get the photos developed?”

              “Sure we can Pete, just… it’s not even seven. Nothing will be open yet. But I’ll find a place that can do them in an hour.”

              “We’ll go together,” Pete says, gripping Tom’s hand and he nods.

              “Together. Jesus Pete… are you okay?”

              “No… I… do you remember yesterday?”

              He feels shaky and knows it’s the shock of it being over, that he is finally getting all his tomorrows handed back to him and he can’t believe he gets to have them all, that he gets to spend them with Tom, watch Bradley grow up, make as many happy memories as possible with Carole before they have to say goodbye. But also if they don’t remember yesterday he’s certain his heart is going to break.

              “Yeah… I remember yesterday. Every amazing, unbelievable, crazy second of it.”

              He lets out a wet sob, the relief almost unbearable and then Tom is kissing him, sweet and gentle and Pete feels himself melt into it, knowing that Tom remembers, and is here, is kissing him. He pulls back.

              “I love you.”

              “I remember. I love you too. I’m not going anywhere. Was planning on spending the entire weekend with you anyway.”

              “There will be a lot more sex then you planned.”

              “I’m okay with that.”

…           …           …

              He’s scared, he realizes. Doesn’t want to fall asleep in case he once again wakes up repeating the day. Stuck in a different time loop.

              “It’s okay Pete. I’ll be here when you wake up regardless.”

…           …           …

              It’s another tomorrow.

              He gets his happily ever after, after all.

THE END

[pedropascallme]

Nathan Explosion NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Nathan doesn’t really understand the concept of aftercare at first, so he doesn’t realize that the time he spends holding and cuddling you after sex is just as intimate as the act you’ve just completed, and incredibly cathartic. When he begins to further understand what aftercare implies, he tries to get you a towel or something to help you clean up—but you just laugh and pull him back down onto the bed for more cuddles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Nathan is proud of his arms: he knows he’s a big guy, and he likes how his arms frame his body and balance him out. You as a whole are perfection, incarnate, to him, but if he had to choose a favorite body part of yours, he would probably choose your thighs. He likes leaning his head back and feeling the cushion of your thighs underneath him, likes giving you little kisses up and down your legs, and he loves how they feel wrapped around his waist or head.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Lots and lots. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Nathan has a blood kink but is absolutely terrified of hurting you. For that reason alone, he refuses to bring it up or act on it—plus, he doesn’t want you thinking he’s some loser goth kid with a Twilight fetish.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

When you’re an international megastar with a cult following of groupies, you’re gonna get around. Nathan knows what he’s doing generally speaking, but that doesn’t mean he won’t put effort into finding out what you, specifically, enjoy and want him to do with you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves fucking you up against any surface: against a wall, a window, so on and so forth. He loves being pressed up against you and having you caged in, his hands gripping your thighs. It’s always a bonus when you lean into his neck and he can hear your defeated moans of approval when he helps you reach your climax, whining and biting whatever skin you can latch onto while he has you in the air wrapped around him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Nathan is generally a pretty serious but easygoing guy. He tries to make sex as intimate and serious as possible, but he’s only human, as are you, and who can deny a little giggle when something makes an unexpected sound in the heat of the moment, or when you can hear the rest of the band arguing in the hall.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

The fact that Nathan has long hair isn’t just because he’s a metalhead, it’s also because he finds haircuts and general body hair upkeep to be…undoable. He occasionally takes a few seconds to mindlessly chop at whatever’s growing, but for the most part he just keeps it clean and moves on.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Nathan is a big softy, and he isn’t afraid to show it when you’re in bed together. He enjoys setting a mood and ensuring that you feel taken care of when he has the opportunity to plan ahead.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

This is an absolute no brainer: of course, he jerks off. There’s no question. He doesn’t love it, but if it’s the only option than what else is he supposed to do? He’ll always prefer you over his right hand, though.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Nathan has an intense size kink. There’s just something so attractive to him about how small you are compared to him (not that it’s a rarity for someone to be smaller than him). He loves how you gag on him, how you whine about how big he is when it’s been a while since he’s gotten to fuck you and he has to ease himself into you, how easy it is for him to throw you around. It’s something he wholeheartedly enjoys.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly? Mordhaus. Nathan has had his fair share of exhibitionist experiences, and he doesn’t care for them very much. He prefers to be home, in the comfort of his own bedroom. A big part of it is that he’s somewhat possessive, and the idea of being caught somewhere even semi-public while fucking you makes him uncomfortable—he doesn’t want anybody seeing you exposed but him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Anything and everything about you turns Nathan on, but he loves seeing you in his clothes. His t-shirts swallow you whole, and you always talk about how comfy they are to wear, so soft from years of him never buying a new wardrobe despite his billions of dollars. You wear his clothes whenever you can get your hands on them, and it brings out something primal in him, as if you’re marking yourself as his. You once jokingly tried on his boots, which were at least four sizes too big on you, and you didn’t even have the opportunity to step out of them before Nathan had you bent over.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anal—both giving and receiving. It’s not that he hasn’t considered it, he just doesn’t want to hurt you, and he doesn’t want you to hurt him. It just seems like more trouble than it’s worth.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Nathan will always be down for a good old-fashioned blowjob. He likes watching you try to take him down your throat while you drool all over yourself and him, and hearing the sounds you make with your mouth alone could have him cumming down your throat in no time. And (despite that plotline in that episode, which I will choose to ignore now and forever) he enjoys going down on you, too. He likes feeling the way your legs clench around his head while he tastes you, sliding his tongue across your clit and then fucking into you with it. He thinks you’re the tastiest thing he’s ever eaten.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends. On the one hand, there are occasions where you’re both pressed for time: recording, concerts, press conferences, band meetings, saving the world—it can all be a bit time consuming. In those cases, Nathan opts for a faster pace, but, given the opportunity to take his time with you, he will gladly spend hours making you cum over and over again in any way he can, drawing out the time he’s able to spend with you before you both crawl into bed together. Ultimately, it depends on the timing and the mood. Sometimes a long drawn out session calls for a rough fuck, sometimes a slow and sensual one, and the same goes for quickies.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Fantastic. Nathan can’t count how many times he’s fucked you in the recording booth with just seconds to spare before the rest of the band walked in, or how often you’ve asked him to follow you into the bathroom on the Dethjet. He loves a good quickie, but he’ll always prefer taking his time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nathan doesn’t consider himself extreme, sexually speaking, by any stretch of the imagination. Still, if you suggest something, he’s usually down to try it at least once, and you’re always supportive of his foray into new ideas.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Nathan is still relatively young, and he tries his best to save his energy for two things: performing, and sex with you. He can usually manage two pretty long rounds, but he taps out pretty quickly by the third.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

While he himself doesn’t own any toys, you keep a stash of your own in his room at Mordhaus, and Nathan has discovered the joys of using toys in bed with you. He’s a big fan of holding a vibrator to your clit until you’re a slack jawed babbling mess.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Nathan has the ability to be patient, and he utilizes it to the fullest extent when he finds an opportunity to tease you. Even so, he finds that teasing you is basically just teasing himself, and the moans you both let out when he finally stops taunting you and gives you what you need are a testament to that.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

The man is a death metal vocalist—he’s got a set of lungs and he knows how to use them. He tries his best not to be over the top, but you make him feel so good, he can’t help but make it known to you. He talks incessantly when you fuck, murmuring words of praise and (consensual) degradation into your ear. You know you’re doing something he likes when he growls, and you know he’s close to finishing when he starts to pant your name.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

The concept of Nathan refusing to go down on someone is something he made up: he feels the need to put on a display of excessive, sexually-dominant machismo in front of the rest of the band (who, in turn, only say that they won’t go down on someone because Nathan says it—they all eat pussy and they love every second of it.) because he wants them to think he’s some sort of metal sex god. In reality, he’s a pussy worship fiend.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Nathan has…he’s very…Nathan Explosion Giant Penis Confirmed!!!! (Not Clickbait!!!!) Let’s be so honest: Nathan is a big guy who has a big dick. It isn’t huge, per se, but it’s around nine inches, hard. (Not that he’s measured it.) (Yes he has.) There’s no curve to it, but he is circumcised.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Say the word and Nathan will fuck you. He’s pretty much game no matter what and on any occasion. The only time he’s said no to sex is when he’s put on a performance that went unexpectedly long or awry and he’s needed time to decompress in other ways—still, most of those ways involve you, too, just in a much more domestic and PG way.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Nathan is a confirmed sleepyhead and that doesn’t change with you around. Usually around the second round he feels his eyelids start to droop, and the two of you snuggle up and fall asleep together. Sometimes he’ll manage to stay awake for a while longer, but if it’s late and he’s fucked you how he wants to, it’s nighty-night almost right away—but only if he can hold you close to him and feel your body on his.

[jeneseoquoi]

nct 127 | haunted houses

(happy halloween month! since it's my favorite holiday, i'll be trying to post halloween scenarios/reactions/mtls with the neos all throughout october. not really written in full, grammatically correct sentences since i wrote it while i was feeling lazy hahahaha. also, fun fact: i wrote this back in june and saved it specifically for this time of year. hope you enjoy!)

taeil: it was his idea, you’re just going along with it. isn’t really scared at anything that happens, but does get startled often which is how you keep getting scared. laughs every single time after a jumpscare and makes fun of how you yelp. asks if you’re okay throughout the whole time you guys are walking through. is proud of you for coming along with him and treats you to anything you want after. 

johnny: starts out walking in front of you with your hand in his. quickly starts to lag behind you after the first few scares though. somehow knows exactly when a scare is about to happen, yet still jumps. at least he gives you a warning so you can brace for the scare. it takes everything in you not to laugh every time he yells or jumps back, until you also get scared and now you’re both in a fit of giggles, laughing at each other’s reactions. feels accomplished when you finally get scared enough to cower behind him. tries to rewrite history when you guys recount the story to the others by acting like you were the only scared one. time to bruise his ego. 

taeyong: is hiding behind you the entire time. truthfully did not want to go in at all, but you begged him and he hates telling you no. so when an actor pops out from around the corner scaring the shit out of both of you, you try not to be mad when he pushes you in their direction so he can run away safely. it’s not really his fault, but you’re still mad that he would just sacrifice you like that. when it’s over, you both vow that if you ever want to do it again, you’ll just ask yuta or jaehyun to go with you instead. 

yuta: protects you the entire time. pulls you super close behind him, his hand clasping yours, as his body shields you. laughs at everything that is supposed to be scaring you. every once in a while is startled which ends up making you scream and jump even if you didn’t see what it was. does his best to let you know when a scare is coming if he spots it beforehand so you can close your eyes. asks if you’re okay after, and when you say you are, suggests that you guys go through it again since you know where all the scares are. yeah you hard pass.

doyoung: also does not want to do it, but when you talk about going in with the other guys so he doesn’t have to, he folds and goes with you. pleading with you the whole time for you to change your mind so you guys can go get ice cream instead. walks behind you the entire time and tries to convince you it’s because he’s watching your back. practically begs the actors to not scare you guys every time you enter a new section. relieved when it’s finally over, and you treat him to ice cream for going in with you.

jaehyun: not scared in the slightest. walks ahead of you as you desperately try to cling onto him for safety. only yells if you startle him with your screams, otherwise is laughing at how easily scared you are. doesn’t let any of the actors get too close to you. waits for you if you guys accidentally get separated. holds your hand from that moment forward so he can guide you guys out of there. cuddles you in bed later that night when you can’t fall asleep, silently laughing to himself.

jungwoo: vowed to never do another haunted house and keeps to his word. good thing the other members are going in so you don’t have to do it by yourself. is completely terrified for you. thinks about going in after you since he feels bad, but chucks that out of his brain when he hears others screaming. cringes any time he can hear you scream, and runs to give you a big hug when you finally exit. doesn’t let you go the rest of the day, because even though he didn’t go in, he’s still more traumatized from it than you.

mark: is confused the entire time. like he’s scared, but he is so occupied with trying to distract himself that he doesn’t even react to any of the scares. meanwhile you’re screaming at any and everything you think moves. walks by your side close enough so that you can grab/squeeze his arm or hand anytime you get scared. laughs at your terrified expression when you guys come out. tells you he was scared too, even though you don’t believe him.

haechan: it’s like a screaming contest. you’re both screaming at the top of your lungs. the people behind you are genuinely confused because nothing has even happened yet. it’s not until what feels like a hand brushes against his ankle that he screams bloody murder and takes off at a dead sprint, you screaming and following behind him so he doesn’t leave without you. when the people behind you guys exit, you notice they’re laughing hysterically because what haechan thought was a hand was just your loose pant leg that brushed against him. is mad at you for the rest of the day that you chose this day to wear those pants. 

[altschmerzes]

Gav I am SO sorry for the length of this ….. also I am going to send a general “how are you doing ask” because this is all Jamie stuff (very therapeutic to talk about him after the week I’ve had) so I hope that’s okay!!!

Okay. So.

Jamie in this episode? A delight. I mean, he’s always a delight but WOW, I didn’t think I could love him more. And I LOVE that he was so happy and silly and having fun and I don’t want my take to take away from that (because I have been in the state I think he was in many times before).

I don’t know if this was intentional from Phil, but I think Jamie was manic in this episode — specifically trauma induced mania. I think that Amsterdam, understandably, was a HUGE trigger for him.

In that heartbreaking scene where Jamie shares something very difficult with Roy, he says “even though my dad weren’t there, it was like he was still with us, y’know?”

Cut to:

Jamie mimicking his dad’s mannerisms from his very first scene (the play punches, the frenetic energy)

Jamie reverting to being a prick for all of two seconds (the tie your laces comment was probably something he heard from his father) to see how far he could push Roy before Roy snapped at him

Running Roy ragged across the streets of Amsterdam the entire episode lol

This sent me spiralling a little because there is SO much evidence to show that Jamie was in trauma / manic in this episode, and how those mannerisms relate to that.

Cut to:

Nonstop movement, running, round offs, bouncing up and down on the spot

Lack of attention span and impulsivity — deciding they need bikes and running off to find them using his street smarts (again, likely mimicking what he has seen his father do) and also deciding that they HAVE to find a windmill. Like absolutely determined, nothing was stopping that boy lmao

Peaking in energy and then suddenly calming down once he’s taught Roy how to ride a bike

Info-dumping and non stop talking

Being confused why Roy wouldn’t want to join in on his imagined adventure “these bikes have just made tonight AMAZING!”

Now listen. Being a person with mania, you can be manic and still be …. you. I think so many of these Jamie moments are hilarious and adorable and not all down to that, but he was DEFINITELY in trauma … getting to that now:

He’s in this crazy good mood the whole night, and then he decides to share ….. the thing ….. with Roy. I think that might be his subconscious bringing up this trauma and sort of explaining the mood he’s been in, which is extremely chaotic for the entire episode until he voices it. Even if he doesn’t KNOW it’s traumatising (“she loved it”), there is something going on here. And the fact that he SUBCONSCIOUSLY, maybe even consciously I don’t know, recognised that being in Amsterdam was a trigger for him and then apologised for the way it made him behave ??????? I’m actually tearing up thinking about it I’m so fucking proud that is UNBELIEVABLE

Also. “I don’t really remember.”

I don’t think I need to explain to you how fucking heart wrenching that is but. Fuck.

This is a super jumbled and badly put mess of an ask because I am very sleep deprived but. This episode just meant so much to me because I relate to Jamie SO MUCH in this. I have genuinely had a night very similar and I am almost certainly projecting but. Yeah. To people with abuse trauma, at least for me, this was genuinely the most nuanced depiction of it that I’ve ever, EVER seen, and I don’t even know if they did it on purpose.

IM SO SORRY FOR THIS ITS NOT VERY GOOD READING IT OVER. I am definitely projecting. And also want to be clear that it isn’t JUST trauma stuff like this is also a very wholesome development in Roy and Jamie’s relationship with some very touching and hilarious moments that I’m terrified to undermine and I’m scared it’s an awful take but. Just needed to share it with you

ALLL MY LOVE AS ALWAYS <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

never apologize for long messages!!!! i love long messages i love hearing from and chatting with my pals including my pen pals.... and like yeah. yeah i have been so much thinking about all of this. like he was happy! he was really happy at a lot of points in that episode but it had a bit of a weird exaggerated energy that didn't click until that point later when he told that. frankly brutal story that like ah, okay, that all makes sense now. he was upbeat and happy and it was clear he was having a good time and like you said, it was a lovely and touching and hilarious sequence in their subplot but 'manic' is the word that kept coming to mind. like, when you've got a mix of horrifying feelings and happy feelings about something and you decide no, i'm HAPPY i'm focusing on the good part i am FINE it's FINE it's all FINE, see how happy i am? see how normal and not ruined i am??

and yeah same i feel the same way about like- regardless of whether it was done intentionally that combination of that almost manic energy and 'i don't remember' and the way he brings it up as like- you get the feeling, really, that he knows on some level that what happened to him there was deeply, profoundly not okay, but doesn't quite know how to talk about it? gave me the same feeling that some of his comments earlier to higgins and ted did like. 'i want someone to tell me this wasn't okay, but i don't know how to say it.' and yeah like. the i don't remember comment... man that hit hard. his behaviour in that whole scene hit hard.

and that line about like. even though he wasn't there he was there with us..... winded me. that line winded me. if you grow up with an angry man in your house there will always be an angry man in your house, if you are born in a burning house you think the whole world is on fire, etc etc. it's a really complex and extremely familiar portrait of abuse trauma and i really, really appreciated seeing it. even if it's reading too much into it, even if it's projecting, i really appreciated it.

and man the whole thing especially with him bringing it up and then apologizing to roy like- i'm really proud of him for that too. he's trying really, extremely hard this season and doing such a good job of Being An Adult, being responsible, being accountable, being Good. even in situations where it has to feel unbelievably scary and threatening - going to the coaches about zava and presenting his concerns to the whole room full of authority figures he admires and respects, telling roy that story and then taking the initiative to apologize, even before this season, 'if you know how to make me better, i want to hear it' - it's just like. he's giving everything he has to do better, be better. he's- gutting himself, in pursuit of Being Good, in a couple of different ways and MAN it's like. it's hard to watch but it's incredible to watch at the same time. man. there's a reason this character absolutely kills me.

[hannahwatcheshorror]

CUJO (1983)

😿DOG DIES (duh), 💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead

The dog actor who played Cujo was phenomenal and I totally believed in his whole good boy gone bad (with rabies) routine. Much like the book, the movie is all about sitting and waiting which is a little boring to watch at times. This is a classic film about a classic King book so worth a watch but then I’d tell you the book is worth a read first (though be warned the content is rougher than the movie). It was nice to see the characters come to life and our strong female lead take care of her son and the dog.

⭐⭐⭐.5

Trigger Warning Sexual Abuse, Spinning Camera, Child Seizure, Mild Child Death

(SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK as well which ends differently from the movie if that matters to you (it matters to me))

I said to myself after a few drinks, I said, “Fuck it, let’s watch CUJO, lets watch this baby die, fuck this baby.” but really I am so sad for this child. I just came from an outdoor movie party where we were supposed to watch a spooky Halloween movie but instead we watched SING because a bunch of children were there and they wanted to watch SING, okay? So, yeah, I like kids and appreciate that they get their way even when I, an adult, want to watch a spooky movie during my favorite holiday month. BUT I don’t know when and where King decided that Tad was toast and I JUST WANNA TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, OKAY? (No I will not put my knife down) 

ANYWAY. We barely get to meet Cujo before the rabies. The movie starts with him chasing a rabbit into the bat den and getting bitten. Sad! Tragic! For many reasons! I mean, that is also how the book basically starts but still! I am sad! (This isn’t a “comparing the movie to the book” review just like MISERY but still, I can’t help myself) Rabies is a wild sickness of brain rot and Cujo was/is a loyal dog but the disease is stronger than any dog or man will ever be. Poor bub. This is a cautionary tale. Please vaccinate your pets!

They did a really good job making a friendly dog look scary, the attacks are really alarming and feel like the animal is vicious even though if you really look you can catch the actor dog wagging his tail (dog actors will often do that when they are proud they are doing a good job, which is just precious). But this is a welcome turn of events because Church from PET SEMATARY 2019 just looked dirty and that didn’t make for a scary cat, just bad grooming (which can be scary), and while Cujo is certainly dirty, the watery eyes and overall energy he brings gives him the rabid touch that is so terrifying for this film in particular.

Cujo turns rabid by the time his boy and the mother are out of town and Cuj disposes of the father and his shady friend before our main characters Donna and Tad are unfortunate enough to roll their broken down car into the purebreds path. This is one of the more brutal Stephen King stories because of the waiting, the inaction, which is the best choice, but it is so painful. I can only compare it to GERALD’S GAME but even then she had plans going constantly, here it is just the brutality of the Maine Sun on their car.

Donna tries to leave once and gets wrecked by the dog, in front of Tad, which is horrifying for him to see, and of course then she is having the issue of contracting rabies probably, but no time for that because it is still time to SURVIVE this ordeal. All the while the husband is off trying to clean up an ad campaign disaster which is a big deal for him but absolutely not a big deal when you are literally fighting for your life. AND THE FACT THAT THE COP DOESN’T call in that there is blood on the doors of Donna’s vehicle right away is such a stupid move. I hate it and cannot believe it and missed it in the book but see it clearly in the movie and it is so obvious and STUPID. Also the movie randomly brings up the plot of the Camber family but never does anything with it which is a real shame, it is like they ran out of time with their own film. 

Okay. I have watched the end and now we have gone RADICALLY off book. And I gotta say. I don’t know how to feel. I am glad that there was a happy ending, but in that same breath it isn’t what the original story had in mind so I don’t really like the change. The movie literally ended on a freeze frame of the family all together, hell, Donna even found the gun and used it on Cujo, which was certainly not part of the book. It was actually specifically mentioned in the book that she didn’t know the location of the dropped service weapon that would have aided her so heavily but AGAIN, this is not a direct comparison, just bringing up some things of note.

This story was intended to be a tragedy, a cautionary tale of how so many bad choices can lead to something so terrible, but instead this movie ends with a miracle. I’m not sure that it works as well that way. Before it had this horrible weight to it and now the film ends on this light happy note and you go on with your day, when the book ended I was shell-shocked. Maybe the ending doesn’t need to be upsetting but it should be powerful and I think they undercut themselves by changing a Stephen King ending.

[sensei-venus]

Alpha Dutch headcanons 😍

•Dutch by far is the most aggressive alpha in the cobra gang. Johnny may be the make shift packs head alpha, but Dutch is second in line do to his aggression and out going extroverted personality. He is by no means to be taken lightly, he's dark and bite all in one.

•Has one of the stronger scents of the group. On occasions he has actually made Jimmy gag from musking a room. He has the scent of fire and ash mixed with a undertone of black cherry, the sour kind. He has a problem with musking at random times, mostly when he's pissed off. This happens quite often. They have been kicked out and even banned from multiple places around the valley because he musks randomly.

•Dutch might like omega’s but most omega’s don’t like Dutch at all. There was no line of omega’s falling over him during highschool. Most omega’s found Dutch to be annoying and too aggressive for their taste. He’s already know for being one of the most aggressive alpha’s on campus, which isn’t always a good thing. Also his scent was extremely strong, sometimes way to over powering for a poor omega to handle.

•Dutch growls a lot, out of anger and occasionally out of happiness. If you don’t know him well enough you might get confused. The cobra gang know him well enough to understand what he’s growling at and the meaning behind it. It’s more natural for him to just let the sound out then try and hold it in.

•Dutch is a pure breed alpha, his father is a alpha and his mother a omega. His parents guessed the fact had would end up being a alpha as soon as he was born. They where very proud when he presented as a alpha in middle school.

•His favorite person to wrestle with is fellow alpha Tommy. Tommy has always been up to playful alpha vs alpha play fighting. Dutch finds messing with the other alpha’s of their little pack to be fun and entertaining and a great pass time. He won’t admit it but he also feels like it’s a form of endearment. He shows affection though physical touch and playful teasing.

•Dutch has really bad rut’s, especially during highschool. He hates being around others even during his pre-rut period. He’s aggressive and physically hot constantly throughout his rut to the point he feels like his skin is on fire. He usually stays home for a whole week during his rut. His parents have to keep a close eye on him because he’s prone to getting high fevers and hallucinating. Ultimately as a adult he had to go on a small form of suppressants do yo how bad his rut symptoms are.

•Dutch is secretly very affectionate to people he cares about, but it takes a really long time for him to let his walls down. He always has his guard up and doesn’t let people in so easily. The other guys have tried their best to help him break the bad habit because it scares people away.

•Dutch has scared off a lot of omegas over his lifetime. During highschool he was so dense that he actually tried to act like he didn’t know why omega’s literally bolted away from him every time he showed up around them. The guys had to explain how bad his musking was and how it literally terrified most omega’s, mostly the more timid ones around school. He laughed it off and just kept doing it.

•Alpha! Dutch never had a full relationship in highschool. He scared off any possible romantic candidate’s with his aggressive attitude and his constant musking, he burned multiple omega’s noses with his pungent scent. Over time he got over the idea of searching out a life long mate, instead focusing on one night stands and random hook ups. If he was going to ever find his true mate, they would have to come to him.

[fandomscraziness22]

begonia for sadie and frankie and caleb!

hi this is very late we all know but i'm actually kinda proud of it! takes place right after ep 2 of College Tapes!

begonia (beware) — “just be careful, okay?”

Caleb hangs up the call and lets himself stew in his awful mixture of emotions for a few seconds, trying to name them as he goes.

Fear. Anger. Confusion. A hint of resentment. Longing for what used to be. 

Missing him.

Caleb takes a deep breath in, holds his emotions in tight, then as he lets out his breath, he shoves them all deep into the little box he’s created for this purpose, so he doesn’t infect his friends who are all at his kitchen table right now. Sure, when she taught him how to properly breathe and control his emotions, Dr. Bright didn’t intend for that exercise to be used quite this way (he's supposed to let the emotions settle into himself or slowly filter out into the breeze), but right now, it’s the safest way Caleb has.

When he’s sure he’s composed himself enough, he opens the door and faces Sadie, Frankie and Ben. 

“Who was that?” Frankie asks right away, balancing a slice of pizza on his fingertips. Caleb can see the electricity beginning to spark—one of Frankie’s many talents includes burning the bottom of his pizza crusts. 

“Uh, it was…Adam.” Caleb braces for impact.

Ben doesn't react (and Caleb doesn’t expect them to, being new around here), but Frankie and Sadie’s eyes both widen at the admission.

“What did he want?” Sadie snaps. “Please tell me you told him to fuck off and hung up.”

Like Caleb would ever do that. Even though they’ve been broken up for a year now, he still can’t help the slight pink-lovesick emotion that slithered around his heart at Adam’s voice. He was Caleb’s first love, and that’s not something he can let go easily.

When Caleb doesn’t answer, Ben asks hesitantly, “Who’s Adam?”

“Caleb’s ex,” Frankie says. “They went to high school together. He goes to Yale.” Ben’s face crinkles in admiration for the top school name-drop, but Frankie turns back to Caleb. “Why did he call?”

Caleb tries to ignore Sadie’s red-hot protective anger, though he feels a bit of it himself. “He said there was something Atypical going on, and he needs my help.”

Sadie’s already shaking her head. “No way, Caleb. He’s not your responsibility.”

“But it’s Atypical,” Caleb argues. “And he doesn’t know anyone like me out there. He sounded really freaked out.”

Caleb knows the different tones of Adam’s voice like the back of his hand. He knows the barely-hidden excitement of a new book he’d just finished reading, or the forced lightness Adam would use when his depression was bad and he really just needed Caleb to hold him all day. 

Or at least, Caleb used to know. He’d like to think that he can still read Adam, a little bit. And he sounded terrified of whatever he had found. Add to that the fact that Adam didn’t want to tell him over the phone? It was a recipe for something real.

Frankie, ever the optimistic one, asks the big question. “So you’re going to see him? Try and help?”

Caleb nods, ignoring Sadie’s huff. “I have a few more classes, but I can leave Friday afternoon. Spend the weekend checking it out, see if we can figure out the weirdness.”

Frankie and Ben both take his answer at face value, and Ben quickly engages Frankie in some sort of technology conversation. Something about coding but also how Frankie’s powers interact with the machines—nothing Caleb has to pay attention to.

He tries to take stock of his friends’ feelings; Ben’s contentment and enjoyment at being included, Frankie’s easy light purple a familiar presence in the back of his mind. Sadie nudges his foot with hers.

“You sure about this, Michaels?” she asks as she grabs another slice of pizza. “Because you can say no. I promise the world isn’t going to collapse if you don’t run to the rescue every chance you get.”

Caleb drinks a bit of his iced tea before answering. “I’m worried about seeing him, obviously. But he needs my help, and I’m the best option he’s got, I guess. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Sadie snorts. “You’re nicer than me, Michaels.” She takes a moment to think, then says, “Just be careful, okay? I know you already had some scary Atypical shit happen to you, and I just need you to stay safe.”

He nods and smiles across the table at her. “I will, don’t worry.” Sadie finally drops it and Caleb tunes back into the conversation around him. He’s glad he has this little group to watch his back. He wouldn't want it any other way. 

[quillyfied]

Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART TWO:

- “that’s six inches of silver in your scapula” MADAM.

- They’re doing an amazing job of showing Izzy in a pure pathetic state. I still have a lot of conflicted emotions about him but his increased confidence and ease around the ship BECAUSE the crew is taking time to be kind to him is…it’s. I don’t. GOLD UNICORN LEG OKAY. THE CARE THEY ARE SHOWING HIM AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE BELIEVES IT BUT IT IS CHANGING HIM FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY.

- once again my expectations are being undercut. Of course Buttons isn’t the rabbit. Silly of me to think that. Of course he isn’t going to screw up turning into a seagull. He’s Buttons.

- …he’s coming back, though, right?? Guys Buttons is coming back at some point, right????

- Hang on have to go giggle about Izzy dragging himself across the floor mumbling existential horrors and shouting at the unicorn and then barking at people knocking on his door.

- Also have to giggle about the two halves of the crew coming at each other trying to help in two different ways and talking it through on their own, without Stede’s direct interference. I’m so proud of them.

- Wee John might just be slowly transforming into a mermaid. And I want his sweater.

- Ed referring to himself and the rabbit as lone wolves but immediately imprinting on the thing—and it not leaving him, either.

- HES SCARED OF SPIDERS

- How instantly Ed is glad to see Mary and Anne though. And the secret handshake with Anne. I cry.

- I also cry over how Anne instantly smells blood in the water with Stede before even knowing his connection to Ed.

- Like I guess Buttons not coming back makes sense bc he gave the most profound advice of the entire show and then flew off as a seagull, thereby completing his life’s dream, but have they considered the fact that I will miss him.

- (And so will the crew)

- I love that Ed and Stede finally have it out and get to a point where they can start to heal. I also find it so interesting to see the difference in what the fandom thought would be important to bring up, and what the show itself seems important to bring up. Stede could have blamed Badminton for his cowardice, but he doesn’t; he owns it and makes a greater stride towards mending things with Ed and being better himself. Ed could have mentioned what Izzy said to him, but instead he’s starting to work at the greater issue of his own self-loathing and how that drove him to harming the crew. It’s entirely possible that those details will come up later, but. I think Izzy has a point when he says it’s better to patch things with fiction (or silence) than never moving on. And maybe the hashing out of this stuff belongs to fanfic, not to canon. Because the events themselves don’t matter so much to canon as does what those events represented and THAT is what is getting fixed and addressed.

- Mary Read’s whole thing about “this is what an adult relationship looks like.” I have so many conflicted personal feelings about it. The summary: never been in a romantic relationship before and now at an age where I’ve witnessed plenty but I’m terrified of how I’ll be if and when that ever happens for me, bc the only experiences I’ve got is watching others and fiction. And I just was listening to both my mom and sister in law talking about how so many women my sil’s age have gotten divorced bc their expectations for what a marriage is were unrealistic, how marriage is more like a business transaction. And I was too scared to ask for clarification at the time. And I really do wonder if Mary has a point, yknow. When the mystery fades and the magic is gone…what’s left? Bc fiction tells us one thing. Real life often tells another. Dying alone doesn’t sound fun but it sounds better than accidentally ruining my and/or someone else’s life based on a false hope, yknow?

- Anyway that’s way too personal time to move on

- TO ANNE SETTING THEIR STIFLING LIFE ABLAZE AND REALLY REKINDLING THAT ROMANCE WITH MARY. HELL YEAH LADIES GET IT.

- I know it’s never gonna be addressed but please can the satanic ship be addressed at some point, even as a throwaway line

- (Also patiently awaiting the literal translation of what the dying priest was saying)

- PUT STEDE BACK IN FINE FABRICS 1717

- The absolute ball you know they were all having with this episode. Rhys Darby your FACE when screaming at Izzy after he reiterates that it’s cursed.

- Just the sheer hope in Ed’s face as he witnesses Buttons(?) fly away, as he submits to the jumpsuit and cat bell, the enthusiasm with which he jumps in to go fishing with Fang. The man is going through it but I love seeing him so earnest

- LUCIUS THO. SO MANY THOUGHTS. First and foremost I want his outfit this season, forget Stede’s cursed suit for a minute let’s talk about how Lucius is SERVING this season (and why it’s making me more hopeful for ABBA on the soundtrack at some point)

- How Pete gets through to him by pointing out that HE LIVED BITCH. TALK ABOUT A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE. Also the various blackbeard doodles I’m dying

- Izzy turning the tables on Lucius. I love a good parallel.

- Pete tho. Marry the F out of that man, Lu, he’s a keeper.

- “Loner artsy types” EXPLAIN CALICO JACK TO ME

- AND ALSO I NEED NAMES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF THESE OTHER ARTSY LONER TYPES

- Fang is such a wonderful character and we are so blessed to have him. I was a little wary that Fang was going to try and off (or offload) Ed just to make the crew feel better, but what we got was so much softer and better. Teaching Ed in such a gentle and honest way to examine himself! To sit with himself and learn to value the company! Telling Ed that he’s been crossing boundaries for a long time and giving Ed space to apologize and process! HIS NAME IS KEVIN AND IT’S A FOUR HUNDRED YEAR OLD TRADITION.

- Listen. Listen. Listen. Shirtless Con O’Niell is. A gift. That shirtlessness belonging to the character of Izzy is a little more of a conflict for me but given that Izzy has entered his “little shit and owning it” phase, I’m inclined to enjoy it.

- Also the SHEER BALLS on Stede Bonnet to manipulate Izzy into teaching him some piracy bits. That little stutter when Izzy tries to act unaffected but still asks what Blackbeard said about him. I’m just. Omg.

- And the way Stede sucks at the practicality but he excels at the instinctive/emotional bits. How he’s so creative and genuine and absolutely won his crew’s respect and loyalty and continues to prove that he’s worth it. I ADORE Stede Bonnet.

- Okay I gotta I gotta I gotta: KISS NUMBER TWOOOOOOO. I’ve only kissed one person in my time so far but I remember the moment after that initial dam break, when it occurred to me that I was allowed to kiss this person again; something about the casual way Ed and Stede both lean in just feels the same way to me. Like this is their new normal and they like it. And ADORE Ed setting a boundary and Stede immediately respecting it. AND. THE FINGERS. THE PLAYING. Comparing their games to what Anne and Mary get up to, it does make me hopeful that a mature relationship can be comfortable and playful and sweet and not just a grind or a business transaction. Idk man.

- Now I fully forgot that the episodes have post credits scenes so my reactions to them are not included here but I’ll be rewatching all five episodes later tonight so maybe a separate little baby post about them later.

[set-forth-a-dream]

Thanks @ko-konutty for showing interest! This one is just for you!

Here’s the Song bird baby! (Not sure on a name just yet.)

He’s got a combination of his father’s quirks fierce wings and voice. Like Hizashi his voice just so happen to be his quirk. Good thing both his papas have very good headphones to cushion their ear drums. (Though ‘Zashi’s ears may already be numb to the volumes that he reaches himself. Who knows!?) in any case pacifiers, regular feedings, and a sound proofed room helps any neighbors who may have to live around. He’s called a number of pet names from his dads like ‘little nugget.’ ‘Humming bird’ and of course ‘Song Bird’.

(Fun fact: I used ‘wheel of names’ and put in a list of both Keigo’s and Hizashi’s. Features to really randomly pick which of their genes shines through! Funny enough it worked out almost scientificly; as Hawks with the darker colors in hair and eyes took dominance over Hizashi’s bright yellow hair and green (or if manga red) eyes. SO, he has Feather Dad’s color hair and eyes! As well as the signature eye markings. However he got Hizashi’s mouth and smile as well as straight hair and eyebrows. He got very lucky taking on both their quirks! He looks like and can sound like an Angel. Or screaming demon, don’t get on his bad side.)

As he ages up past his toddler years and into being a kid he’s got a fun and funky personality. He LIVES for music. Just like DJ Dad. There isn’t a country he hasn’t listened to every genera! In which he started learning other languages through song. Keigo of course taught him how to fly. And now the best thing in the world is flying with a good song on! Also he loves to collect sew on patches and add them to his jacket. When that jacket fills up it’s time to start on a new one! Also he’s the coolest kid at school because both his daddies are pro heroes! He’s so proud of them.

(On a side note Keigo was externally nervous if not down right terrified to be a father. He even went as far as avoiding Hizashi for weeks if not a whole month. Oh Shouta was super pissed! As a good friend would be! But Hizashi talked it out with his love bird. Keigo just had no idea how to parent, afraid he might become his parents. Hizashi made sure to convince him everything will be fine.)

That being said as the kid got into his early teens and high school years he began to show some emotional change. (As teens do.) Just that spark of light seemed to dim down. Truth is, neither of his parents did much change to their schedule so as before they were always working. They have a family group chat where they keep each other informed, let him know he’ll be alone for dinner but there’s always food or money to buy something. As an only child, he just kind of misses being the center of their world and getting all the attention. They actually get into arguments for a while during this time in his life. More with Keigo than Hizashi. I think it’s because he wants his attention just a little more. He and ‘Zashi in a loud argument is dangerous should either of them get carried away and raise their voice. Though Hizashi has near perfect control, his son is still working on it.

He spends a lot of time with Uncle Sho. And no, he actually doesn’t want to be a hero. Neither of his dads are disappointed or angry about it. They fully support his decisions and interests. Though he isn’t getting 100% of their attention they do still love him and let him know that.

Now he’s in his early adult years, graduating from school! It seems he found his spark again. He’s decided to follow his passion in music. He started off with just a channel on YouTube making funny little mixes out of random sounds and meme songs. DJ dad has a whole in home studio so everything he needs is already there. Oh yeah, and he totally wears his dad’s merch! Because why wouldn’t you??? Sometimes they’ll collaborate on music together. With a range of vocal talent and playing multiple instruments he’s really a one man band!

Now I’m his late 20s or early 30s we see him sporting his ability to grow out his facial hair. Just like his dad’s beard and mustache and long hair. He quickly became an idol! Feather dad was his open door to the modeling world. So when he isn’t on stage wooing the audience with his voice: multilingual sweet nothings into the crowd while he serenades them on any and every instrument. He’s posing for the camera looking too hot to handle but too sweet to put down! He’s quite the punk and got piercings in his tongue, brow, and ears. But he doesn’t wear them all the time. It all depends on the mood and look yo! He speaks Japanese (of course) English, Italian, Korean, and Chinese (so far.) and yes he does still like to collect patches for his jackets. It’s an ongoing hobby, they end up selling for a lot; but his dads are keeping his little patch covered jackets.

And that’s all I have of him for now! Maybe some day I’ll color him! And name him.

[kendrixtermina]

(I reject this degrading love) Of course I don’t love you. I never did.  Isn’t it obvious? Is it not patently evident to your senses? How is there really need to spell it out? How could I ever have. I was forced together with you by the force of random circumstance, pressed, against my will, to be bound to you as we sink into the marianna trench. So long I lived knowing what you could do to me knowing what you might take away from me forced to endure you in fear, forced to make use of you as the only way to get anything who would not resent the one they have to beg at, simply not to starve? To survive, and avoid the blows of scorn? Does the rat love the lever it needs to press time and time again to get the drug, that sustains it, but would not be its choice if it had access to the greenery and wilderness of sweet, sweet love? does the patient love the iron lung, though he may must needs cling to it very much? He may love the life it gives him, if he be stronger in fortitude, of more cheery stuff than I he may even tell himself he’s proud of it, for the necessity: Because he can’t live, thinking himself a stain. As that is beneath dignity. Perhaps he has saved his sanity by snuffing down the hope which he correctly knows doesn’t exist, the thought, that he could ever be free of fear, for even walking free he’d be but a weather pattern gust of wind Do desert-dwellers love the war lord that sometimes kindly opens the water tap a smidge so they don’t die of thirst in the mines? Naught but his own belongings does he protect and sustain, naught but their prolonged suffering does he provide. One might almost understand the superstition that kingsblood is lucky the very fact that I’m having to explain this to you and more yet, that you can doubt it, even once I had explained - that is solid substance in the proving of my point Terrified of destruction, I betrayed myself in surrender, and such a display you named “love” Fool that you are: Anything that is not given freely, is but extorted, and not given at all

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Listen, I love Eddie gushing over his handsome boyfriend like all and any of us, but I have some thoughts. It's still planned for my set of fanfictions, Piece by Piece, but I'm drabbling my way towards happiness here.

Steve knows he is good-looking. He knows his hair is amazing, he knows he's toned, all that. People have been complimenting him for all his life, have been jealous, but most of all, it's all they have seen. The jerk with good looks. The jock with the hair. Then the babysitter, still with the hair. Steve isn't exactly proud of his looks, it's just what it is. He's a pretty boy and that's a fact. He doesn't argue against the compliments, he has learned long ago that any insecurity on his part is considered fake modesty. But he's terrified because he knows looks don't last, he knows he isn't as active as he used to be, he knows there will be wrinkles, grey hair, saggy skin and just like the enviable body he has now, he will not have any choice in it.

When he starts dating Eddie, he can tell Eddie likes the way he looks and that's fine, that's great even, but this isn't just a fling to him, it's his endgame. Steve likes making himself look pretty for his boyfriend, leans into his touch when Eddie strokes his hair, kisses his beauty marks, but there's this insistent, unrelenting voice in his head that keeps saying: "this is all you have to offer. This is all you are and all you'll ever be." He never shares this with anyone, but he dreads the day when Eddie finds out there is nothing else to Steve than his reckless disregard for his own health and his naturally but inevitably diminishing looks.

But Eddie is observant. When he gazes into Steve's eyes and whispers "you're so beautiful it hurts," Steve's lip quivers and he closes his eyes, as if he was memorizing the moment. It's subtle, but his muscles tense. Eddie knows in that second that there is something there, something he doesn't realize yet, but he's committed to unraveling the wire wrapping Steve's heart on his own. He doesn't push and prod, he experiments.

The next time, he doesn't go for the obvious, even if he wants to sing odes to Steve's shoulders, his back, his strong hands. Steve is cooking in the kitchen, fumbling around a bit, but the smell is delicious and he looks content. His hair is still ruffled from their night together and he's humming some pop song Eddie doesn't recognize. Eddie's heart swells with fondness and he wraps his arms around Steve's waist from behind, kissing the nape of his neck. "What a sight you are," he mumbles into his shoulder. "When you smile like that, when you sing along your horrible music...you're making me realize how lucky I am all over again." He knows he said something right when Steve turns the prettiest shade of pink and starts spluttering that he's the lucky one, really, and does Eddie really enjoy his heartfelt rendition of Take On Me when pop normally makes his ears bleed? Eddie says "it's not the pop I like, it's you. It makes you happy and I love seeing you happy," and Steve just melts into his arms.

From that point onwards, he makes sure to compliment Steve's choices, not just his looks, even though he never fails to whisper exactly what Steve's body does to him in the bed. He tells him that the new shirt makes him look even more radiant, he tells Steve he loves it when he lets loose once in a while and gets silly, he swoons over his voice, praises how well he handles the kids, his effort, his style. And Steve finally opens up about his insecurities, asking whether Eddie doesn't find him boring, with how straightforward he is, how one-dimensional. "I don't care for fireworks, Steve," he tells him and strokes that beautiful head. "They're pretty, exciting, but burn out soon and probably set your house on fire. Some relationships are like that, but not with you. Being with you...it makes me feel safe. I never have to guess what you mean, you just say it. Being with you is like sitting in front of a fireplace and having all the time in the world. I want that, nothing else."

Steve smiles at him and squeezes his hand. He chews on his lip and whispers: "All the time, huh? Even when I'm gray and ugly?"

Eddie gasps, offended. "The nerve of calling my boyfriend ugly, sir! Now I have to fight you for his honor! Ready your sword, scoundrel!" He tackles Steve to the bed, laughing like a madman. When he lands on top of him, he cradles his head gently and pecks him on the lips, just once, although he wants nothing more than to get lost in his embrace. "Seriously though, Stevie. You and ugly? Never to me, no matter what. But old? Hell yeah. If I get to see you all aged like fine wine or if you become the grumpiest asshole in this town, that's a victory in my book. Because it'll mean we survived all the crap life threw at us and you'll have kept me around. What's not to love about that?"

And it seems the wire constricting Steve's heart is loosening because there are tears in his eyes and he doesn't flinch when Eddie kisses them away. "I'll be looking forward to it then," he whispers into Eddie's hair.

From then on, Steve doesn't fear new wrinkles. He celebrates them with Eddie, counting each gray hair as a small step toward their victory, as Eddie called it. And it turns out that Steve is okay being complimented on his looks after all, because when Eddie kisses his laugh lines and mentions how much he enjoys them ("these are a proof you find me hilarious, Steve! Of course I love them!"), Steve finds himself seeing his body as a map of his life, the moments with Eddie, Robin, the kids, and as his wise boyfriend once said: "What's not to love about that?"

[hypno-bun]

Rating the Ghouls’ and the Papas’ Driving skills

The ghouls

Cirrus - Cirrus is a great driver, however she does have quite a bit of road rage. If she gets cut off in traffic you better believe that this ghoulette will be screaming profanities that would make even Dew blush. She only drives if one of the better drivers (Aether, Cumulus, or Mountain) isn’t.

“Hey you!!! You mother******”/10

Cumulus- Cumulus is one of the best drivers of the group, even if she does drive a little fast. You always know Cumulus is driving when she whips out her iconic sunglasses. She also has the best playlists of the group. On a long road trip she once sang every song from the Phantom of the Opera, all two and a half hours of it non-stop.

“The PHANTOM of the Opera is there….”/ 10

Sunshine - Since Sunshine is one of the newer ghouls she actually doesn’t know how to drive yet. The other ghouls assume that she already knows how to and Sunshine is just too proud to tell them that she doesn’t know how. So when she’s asked if she wants to drive she will just make up excuses of why the conditions aren’t right. But she does bring the best snacks.

“Oh I forgot my sunglasses and the sun is just too bright out for me to see”/ 10

Rain- Oh sweet little Rain. Rain is absolutely terrified of driving in traffic. On smaller back roads he does just find, but stick him on the 105 in the middle of rush hour, the ghoul will fold quicker than one of Primo’s old lawn chairs. He hates conflict and upsetting people, both of which are basically the ingredients of a traffic jam. Rain will just freeze up right there in the driver’s seat causing his passenger to have to lean over and take the wheel.

“I can’t do this anymore!!!”/ 10

Dewdrop- Dewdrop is a surprisingly good driver. He obeys the speed limit, makes sure whoever is in the car with him wears their seat belt and looks both ways before turning onto a different street. However, Dew doesn’t actually like to drive, so he came up with a plan. The one (and only) time he drove with Aether, Dew drove like a maniac so that he wouldn’t have to drive again. Rain is the only person that Dew will drive anywhere. Even though he won't admit it he has a soft spot for the younger ghoul.

“No Dew, you don’t have to drive”/ 10

Swiss - This ghoul is not allowed to drive. He often gets too distracted by the music or other cars or signs or… well you get the point. Swiss will offer to drive to give the current driver a break but is quickly met with a “no I’m good”. Swiss doesn’t really mind though, in all honestly he much rather be looking out the window or napping.

“SWISS! EYES ON THE ROAD!”/ 10

Mountain - As stated above Mountain is one of the better drivers. He is a pretty laid back guy so he doesn’t struggle with road rage. The only problem is his height. He will push the seat back as far as the car will allow him and sometimes that isn’t even enough. You better hope you’re not the one sitting behind him because you will have no leg room.

“I need to stretch my legs”/ 10

Aether - 85% of the time you will find Aether being the one to drive the other ghouls around. In fact he taught the other ghouls how to drive. Aether treats the road laws like they are a divine message. He is often the one who has to break up any squabbles between the ghouls during long trips. Aether will also lock the car five times before he finally feels like the car is truly locked.

“Don’t make me turn this car around!”/10

The Papas

Primo - As much as we all love Primo we have to face the facts- Primo drives like an old man. He’s not a bad driver but he is a slow one. The man insists that there is no reason for him to go above 50 km/h (30 mph). There is no budging him on this subject, so you might as well just sit back and try to distract yourself.

“We will get there when we get there”/ 10

Secondo - Secondo drives fast, like ‘buckle up and pray’ fast. The number of speeding tickets this man has gotten has now reached triple digits. Everyone in the clergy wonders how he even still has his license.

“But did you die?”/ 10

Terzo - NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE. Terzo once drove his car through the front door of the church because it was “faster than walking”. Needless to say his driving privileges were promptly taken away by the clergy.

Not even allowed to touch car keys/ 10

Copia - Copia is actually a pretty good driver and his skills have only gotten better. He has a lot of experience from driving Nihil and Sister Imperator around back when he was a Cardinol. Copia really enjoys going out for relaxing drives on his day off since it allows him to get some time with his thoughts.

Grace Kelly in a convertible vibes/ 10

Nihil - Also drives like an old man but very poorly. Nihil often runs into curbs, bushes, and anything else that is unfortunate enough to reside beside the road. The man is (was) practically blind so everyone is sure that his driver’s license expired about 20 years ago and he hasn’t updated it.

“Who put that there?”/ 10