#he is an important side character believe it or not!! and super whimsical.

[t1koy-roll]

My Hypno-Hustler variant but he was a psych graduate with a YouTube channel

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Please scream about Ghostbur to me.

Coming soon: me screaming about Halo

OKAY here goes nothing !!

Also this is one of my favorite gifs :)

ANYWAY! MOVING ON TO THE!! RAMBLE!!!

Okayokay I just recently had an epiphany in regards to Ghostbur + the rampant mischaracterization that the fandom gives to him, and the epiphany is this: Ghostbur is an extremely multi-faceted character.

That doesn’t sound too monumental on its own—well-written characters should be multi-faceted!—but with Ghostbur, I feel like it’s much more extreme… which also makes him more confusing.

It’s so freakin rare to find anyone who actually understands Ghostbur’s character & doesn’t wildly mischaracterize him/have a super strange idea of who he is, and for the longest time I couldn’t understand it! I chalked it up to fans being unable to actually look at his character and dig deeper, or only being able to see a very surface-level Ghostbur, but now I think it’s a little different than that :0

Ghostbur is a very complex little guy—which most people don’t realize! He’s mature but also childish, and he’s happy but also depressed, and he cares so deeply for everything but he also doesn’t value his own life, and he wants to die but he’s scared of death. It all sounds very contradictory, but if you understand his character then you realize it makes sense!

And I’m pretty darn certain that the reason fans misinterpret him so much is because they’re only paying attention to one of his many facets!! Rather than seeing All of Ghostbur’s facets and quirks, they only focus on one, and the result is a very very mischaracterized ghost.

There’s a big issue when it comes to infantalizing Ghostbur; it’s definitely the most common mischaracterization I’ve seen. And I think the reason it’s so rampant is because it’s… sort of grounded in truth? Ghostbur is very whimsical and silly and smiley, and he does quite a few things that would be seen as childish—things such as refusing to talk/think about sad things, only focusing on “happy” things, deriving the most fulfillment and satisfaction from simple tasks, etc etc. I don’t think it’s wrong to say that Ghostbur has childish traits! Not wrong at all!! It’s an important part of his character, I fully believe that!

The problem comes when people only see Ghostbur as childish. When they only pay attention to his sillier aspects. When they cannot understand that yes, parts of Ghostbur are childish, but he is still an adult and he’s really quite mature!!

Another mischaracterization I’ve seen, though not as frequently, is sort of… I guess “dark Ghostbur” would be the best way to put it; they think of Ghostbur as creepy, as unsettling, as dead, as unnatural, as disturbing. They see him as something wrong, as something that is not supposed to be moving and talking and smiling. Someone who watches pleasantly as terrible things happen all around, someone who’s ready to kill and torture. Basically, this version of Ghostbur leans more into the ghost aspect—specifically, a creepy, supernatural ghost who’s clearly, undeniably inhuman.

This, again, is founded on a bit of truth! Ghostbur has definitely done or said creepy things—most notably whenever he talks about death. He’ll say things like, “Alivebur blew up the nation and killed everyone, it looks like Tommy killed himself, I want to die” and he will say it all in an easy, pleasant, smiling tone of voice, as if he sees absolutely nothing disturbing about the subject matter.

But the problem happens when fans only see this side of his personality, and make it into his entire personality. Because truth is, Ghostbur isn’t a generally creepy character! He’s super sweet and wants to help people, and he’s always looking for the good in others. He just happens to also have a bit of an unsettling side to him, but that is by no means reflective of his whole entire personality, and shouldn’t be viewed as such!

The many complexities of Ghostbur is something I could literally go on and on about, but this kinda scratches the surface of what I mean. He has so many wonderful sides to his beautiful & unique personality, and I think most fans are incapable of understanding all of them :( It’s very unfortunate, because he really is SUCH an amazing character!! He’s incredible!!! He does not deserve how the fandom treats him, not at all.

[nobodysdaydreams]

I don’t know what the word is for the kind of environment ASOUE (A Series of Unfortunate Events) and TMBS (The Mysterious Benedict Society) have, but it needs a name (quirky fantasy? Neurodivergent fiction? Idk…) but I’ve noticed enough people say they are similar, and I want to make this genre a thing. Here are some similarities I noticed that I believe describe the genre well:

• the adults are almost all neurodivergent and/or traumatized and no, they’re not handling it well. Especially the villains. • Most (if not all) of the children are either child genius or bully archetypes. Most will be neurodivergent as well. Bonus points if their neurodivergence and story arcs parallel the adults.

•People dress like they are either going to a funeral during the Great Depression, a church service on Easter Sunday, boarding school, a fancy cocktail party, or like the concept of neon/highlighter threw up on them

•everyone has a tragic backstory. Everyone. Even the quirky side kick who only has a few lines. At least one of those few lines will suggest something awful happened to them.

• Orphans

• Villain has to have that one person he/she cares about to show that maybe they do have a heart after all (aw). Examples might include an ex-girlfriend or adopted kid

•the heroes and villains have tons of cool tech and inventions that we can only dream of (e.g., mind control), but despite all these smart characters with a knack for inventing, no one can make a smart/cellular/mobile phone. It’s their one weakness. Everyone has to use landlines. Everyone. This weakness (which affects all characters in this genre, villains and heroes) is super useful, especially when a character needs to make a call, but the writers don’t want them too, one can simply have them frantically search for a phone to no avail, or have a villain cut the phone lines and there’s nothing anyone can do about it

• some characters require such bland underacting that the character’s voice and expression remain almost completely neutral throughout the whole show no matter what happens. Other characters will require the hammiest most overacted performance of a lifetime such that any minor inconvenience that befalls their character (e.g., having to wait 5 minutes) might as well be the end of the world (personal side note: the second one is a dream role for me)

•whimsical travel. Like in a trolley, blimp, hot air balloon, old timey steam train, submarine, or some contraption someone made out of spare parts

• the villain has some personal connection to the heroes, whether it’s a close connection (e.g., being their adopted uncle) or a distant one (e.g., being their mother’s ex’s sister’s former love interest)

•secret societies and organizations that are cool with employing children (or at least allowing it). It’s considered ok/necessary when the good guys do it, very bad when the bad guys do it. The kids in the bad guy organization can either be groomed victims out to grab their redemption arcs (SQ, our boy), or one dimensional bullies (looking at you Carmelita and Book Martina).

• a genius toddler/baby with a special power that can range from super strong teeth to being psychic

• Twins or triplets are not only characters in the show, but the fact that they are part of a set of multiples will be important for the plot somehow (e.g., the Benedict brothers, the quagmire triplets, the denouement triplets, whatever Jillson/Jackson are)

• There are dramatic flashbacks to character’s tragic pasts to show the audience where it all when wrong.

• Few, if any adults, are truly both mentally stable and living in reality. I know I covered this on my “neurodivergent that’s not well adjusted” bullet point, but it seems important enough to repeat

• The villains are theater kids. Whether they used to overact performances at the orphanage and now do magic tricks for their captives, or use their old theater group as henchmen(and women), they live for the dramatic arts

• the villains were at one point told (either by critics or unimpressed parents looking to adopt) that they weren’t that good at theater, which increased their motivation to either join an evil organization, or pursue a STEM or business degree to begin their own evil organization. This has increased their mental instability as they still try to incorporate the dramatic arts into their villainy and waste a lot of time that could be spent plotting things figuring out how to make their villainy more theatrical

• when the heroes try to tell people the villain is evil, no one believes them

• despite fighting literal children, the villains are not juvenile and present serious threats (murder/world domination)

• despite the previous 2 points, the villains are repeatedly defeated by orphan children with an assist from the villain’s own hubris/stupidity

• musical numbers are involved, even if they are flashback staged performances those count

•villain’s side kicks still roll with him/her despite the abuse to the point where the audience genuinely wants better for them and want more information about them and their tragic past (but their stories usually won’t really be focused on, heck they might even be written out completely. With a few exceptions of course)

• we’ve already discussed that the kids are “genius or bully” types but more broadly the characters are also “books or theater” good guys love books and libraries, bad guys love drama and the theater. We’ve covered the bad guy = theater connection, so focus on the books/reading = good guy connection. The good guys will constantly hang out around libraries, have libraries in their house, be librarians, be friends with librarians, etc. someone (either a bully or villain) is obligated to make fun of one of the good guys for reading at least once. This also implies that a theatrical character who loves reading would be perfect for an antihero or morally grey character.

• the time the story takes place is very vague, but has elements of fashion, cars, and style that suggest the 1950’s-2000’s or more generally sometime in the 20th/21st century

Feel free to add to this list

[faery-snow]

Yes! Such a good take. And a really good example. Well-said.

Another example is how MDZS has the theme of gray morality, coming from that exploration of power in society. In MDZS, WWX does bad things. He isn't just perceived as the bad guy, he is at points a villain.

But he's still sympathetic and our main character and we are on his side. MXTX writes it really skillfully so that we are pro-WWX even when he's doing some terrible things.

Events cannot be fit in a single black and white narrative. Like LWJ tells us: what is right, what is wrong? A matter of perspective.

In the end of MDZS, WWX is not justified by society; only a few people know the true tale. That is the point: who is "right" or "wrong" doesn't matter.

CQL's interpretation of the theme is a bit more pointed. It places higher value on the truth, on knowing the full story. CQL says: just because you are a told a story -- given a set of rules for right and wrong -- does not make it true.

It is easiest to tell lies when they are the lies people want to believe; so beware of accepting a narrative just because it fits what you feel. Question what you are told, even when the person who told you is likeable and the villain is unpleasant.

CQL believes in ultimate right and wrong, and weaves a narrative about how appearances aren't everything and sometimes right will look wrong and wrong will look right. MDZS says right and wrong don't exist and you need to decide them for yourself.

Both MDZS's and CQL's themes are important, imo. Neither is better or more true. It's not either-or, it's both. 😊

(If you want an example of two depictions that are super WILDLY different, I point you to Howl's Moving Castle. There's the original book by Diana Wynne Jones and the animated movie by Miyazaki Hayao. Both are whimsical and charming, but thematically they are completely different. The movie is anti-war and the book is anti-internalized-misogyny.

Also, in the movie, Sophie is a gentle soul; in the book, she comes to realize her meekness isn't her real self. Her true self has been hidden behind expectations for what her life should be, and she discovers she is instead a truth-teller, ardently protective, and that her and Howl's love language is arguing with each other. They both have a lot of sharp edges and they are constantly talking each other away from the other's worst impulses.

I highly recommend both the movie and the book, in that order. I find watching a film first does not take away from my joy when reading the book afterward, but reading the book first always leaves me disappointed in a film.)

At the end of the day, I feel like MDZS (the novel, not the umbrella term) and CQL were trying to tell different stories and should be judged on how well they tell the stories they were trying to tell

[mcrvictoria]

God (the play)

Written by L.A. Glanvill Copyright 2018 (rev.)

Characters: A mottle group that went to grade school together till the end of High school. Even though they have different personalities, they maintain a close relationship even in there late twenties. Bringing New couples into the mix and dealing with the off-putting scenarios the characters create. 

God: Stereotypical character, white toga Style robe. Seems innocent almost naive. Seems to have an Identity crisis. Definite wisdom but seems simple when dealing with tough situation. Playful and whimsical as well. 

Phil: Late twenties, anal and looks for people's approval even though he's successful at his job. Seems a bit needy with a touch of sarcasm that is retracted when he goes to far. Can be self-defeating and can be a bit of a whiner. 

Martha: Wise but quietly wanting everyone to be happy. A people-pleaser, her main goal is to become the perfect host. Dedicated to Phil. Knows things others don't seem to know but can be so blind at times and a bit of a snob. She seems to miss the small things. 

Tom: Very religious, devout, a little dumb. Easily influenced by Jen. Very scattered and reactionary. Illogical. Blind to all around him. Controlled by base emotions and short tempered. 

Jen: Tom's Girlfriend. Not smart but thinks she is. Really argumentative. Emotional and reactive. Very aggressive. Uses sex as a weapon with Tom. Massively manipulative. 

Tammy: The most unlucky person ever. If anything can go wrong, it will. She falls a lot, always hurt, outer circle even affected. Can be sad and meek at times. But still seems to carry a smile even if fake. Has an expecting nature about her and stoic. 

Dr. Segal: Arrogant, controlling, big ego. Is a Player and condescending. Very shallow and materialistic. Male chauvinistic personality. Objectives women. Really believes he's better than others. 

Corina: Very shallow, gold digger, materialistic. Only wears and top brands but never pays for anything. Has multiple boyfriends. Dr. Segal being one of them. Using her looks for gains. Very flirty cheats on all relationships. 

Zoe: A clone of Corina but pretends to be dumber. Wrestles with being moral has a conscience but ignores it most times. Important to mimic Corina as much as possible. 

Liz: Rhon's Girlfriend, an accomplished musician, university TA. Sweet, kind, a little silly, quiet and very smart. Super humble, supportive and affectionate. Loves animals and people. Can be naive because she wants to believe in the best of people.

Death: Based on a grandmother character. Super sweet, soft just exudes love. Must have grannies glasses. Flowered dress. Little hate, like going to church on Sunday. Cane, just someone you would love no matter what. 

Rhon (the actor): Liz's boyfriend, logical, scientific in nature. A intellectual always ready for a debate. Can be loud at times. Knows a lot about the universe and not afraid to share his ideas. Strong sense of self. 

Rhon Grenon (The director): Laid back but impatient, direct, demanding if pushed. Also has a contradicting personality, a “I don't care attitude”, but takes everything personal. Knows what he likes and can be a little arrogant about it. 

Cue card guy:  The real Rhon Grenon. AKA, L.A. Glanvill

Song list: 

Voy Vance - Make it rain. 

Kidnap kid - first light. 

The Pete box - Wave. 

Syd Matters – River sister. 

Pretty lights – Finally moving. 

Patrick Watson – To build a home. (Tammy Dies) 

Youngblood Hawk – We come running. 

Our last night – Voices. 

Two Feet – Had some drinks. 

San Holo – Light. 

Suuns – Translate. 

The Chemical Brothers - Snow. 

Miike Snow – Cult logic. 

John Butler – Ocean. 

Waterboys – To close to heaven. 

Phosphoroscent – Song for Zula. 

The Strumbellas – We don't know. 

Ray LaMontagne – Empty. 

The Acid – Basic Instinct. 

Low- Lullaby

Crews: 

Sound Crew: Responsible of overall feel of the atmosphere and vital to success of the feel of the play. 

Lighting crew: Timing is everything. Absolute focus is necessary or wont work especially in the end. 

Food Crew: Have to do set up during end of play, Quietly and quickly. Then responsible to encourage people to start to eat. Bring them food or ask them what they want. 

Audience Plants: Willing to engage neighbours and encourage them to get involved to the party. Start before the play starts. 

Make-up crew: Responsible for all wardrobe and make-up but essential at the end to make Jen a car accident victim.. 

Visual Crew: Responsible for timing and visual play on TV. Easter Egg 

Set Crew: Layout and design as well of placement for optimal full party organization. 

Media Crew: Hit all formats of social media. Create a buzz.

Flood of lights across a room, showing all the details of the stage. Centre stage is a typical living room with couch and TV facing audience. Modern style decor Music plays softly in the background. Looks like there is a preparation for a party going on. Banner saying congratulations up and balloons, food out. Three characters are already walking around finishing prepping. The Lights dim, the characters continue to do what they are doing, above the lights and music comes the deep booming voice of God as his speech continues, the rest get the room finished and ready for the party. 

GOD: In the beginning there was nothing. Pause Nothing here anyway. This darkness, which wasn't actually darkness at the time because no one had come along to start naming things. Just was... Pause nevertheless; anyway; All the same. From the darkness I created the sun, the moon and all the stars. People weren't even on my mind at this point. I was creating scenery. See. Then I laid out the earth here and touched it up with all the beauty I could imagine. Birds, flowers, trees, beetles, rocks, sand, rainbows and snowy peaked mountains. Eventually, water crept up on the land as land invaded the waters and beasts I envisioned lived in blissful ignorance. All but one; Distaste in voice HUMANS. Humans who started thinking that they had monkeys as ancestors. Who considered themselves the descendants of muscular slugs, who heroically dragged their slippery bodies from the water to land to evolve. Again distaste in voice Suddenly, I feel a need to inform them of their folly; To make my presence known; To inform educate, instruct and edify; To help them understand themselves and to do something. Pause You see, I've become so incredibly bored. 

Lights rise again full. The three characters are speaking with one another from across the room. Light music. The doorbell rings.

Phil: I'll Get it. Walks towards the door. Stage Left. Martha raises a hand but not her head as she works away at making finger sandwiches. Phil opens the door to Tammy, Jen, and Thom. Who is carrying a bag of ice. Tammy has a grease mark on her face and her hands are slightly stained, her clothes are wrinkled and hair all messed. 

Oh my god Tammy what the hell happened? 

Tammy looks at her feet and doesn't answer. 

Tom: Her car had a little trouble. 

Jen: A little Trouble? I didn't even know that thing could move. It was a rolling horror show.

Tom:  She just had a flat tire. Jen:  A flat tire!?! I think all four tires of those tires were running on rims. She had flat rims.

Phil: Takes Tammy's hand You ok, hun? 

Tammy nods her head walks over and puts a bowl of crab dip that she brought on the table.

Tammy: I'll put the Crab dip here that I made here Martha. Is that ok?

Martha: Come in, come in all of you. Why are you all standing around? Yes Tammy that's fine, right there is fine. 

Phil moves to the side and holds the door open. The three walk by him and toss their jackets on the side chair. Phil, looking towards the entering guests goes to close the door behind him but Dr. Segal with Corina and Zoe walk in one on each arm like arm candy. Bumping into Phil as they enter. 

Dr. Segal:  How's it going, Hi, Hi. I'm here let the party begin. 

Phil goes to close the door and looks out to the audience. The spotlight focuses on him. The rest of the cast greet each other , and talk give hugs and hellos. They all grab drinks that Martha is holding on a tray. 

Phil: I decided to throw a party. Because I never do these kind of things: Normally I like a nice quiet night in with my fiance, Martha. Or a night on the town at a play, an intimate blues bar or a open air concert. But not in my house, I'm not to found of having people in my house. But these are my friends.

Pause, looks at the group. 

A motley crew of misanthropes; self-doubters the lot of them. But aren't we all? They hide it well though, don't they? Dr. Segal there, with the ladies by his side. A plastic surgeon. He has devoted his life, specifically, to enlarging the mammary glands on the already well-endowed women: Women such as Corina, The young woman on his left. 

Corina laughs, pushes her chest out, and gives Dr. Segal a slap on the shoulder

Corina didn't always look like that. Nor did any of us really want her to. She's beautiful, in her own way. Then there's Zoe who's thinking of surgery herself, but isn't sure. Why you ask? Because she isn't sure of anything or at least that's what I think. She sure seems to know everything. 

Zoe steps back from the other two and raising one hand begins to yatter in a way that the others two roll their eyes at her

Phil:  Jen and Tom, have a dysfunctional/ destructive relationship if there ever has been one. They can fight about anything; where the sun sets. What time it is on the moon. If an orange was purple what would it be called? But then they have, or so I've been told, knock out sex. Isn't that the way though? 

Jen and Tom seem to be arguing about something of near the kitchen table 

And then there's Tammy, poor, poor Tammy. We've been calling her that for years now. Nothing that we know of has ever gone her way. Her father left when she was four, then her mother died on her when she was five. She was shipped off and raised by a grandmother who didn't believe in children. Lucky for her she died when she was Ten. Then many foster-homes. And she disappeared for a good five years. These things are not mentioned in the group. None of ask and she doesn't share. Since she came back her luck has even gotten worse. If there is a chair leg to catch a toe on , she will. If she jumps a green light, she'll get t-boned by another car. If she dates a nice guy. An aspiring doctor...and don't let her know I told you this... he'll end up being the doctor only so much as that he'll get caught dismembering the neighbourhood cats. 

Tammy goes to sit down and falls of the chair. Spilling her drink on herself 

Then there is Martha and I, We've been together six years now. One day soon I am going to ask for her hand... I didn't know I could love someone this much. And this is my party which I have been planning for two weeks. Now you are all up to speed let's jump in and see where this goes. 

Martha is handing out food still and the doorbell rings again. Stage lights up and Phil walks over to answer the door. 

Rhon:  Hey buddy boy! Gives Phil a hug then pushes him 

Phil: Where's Liz?

Rhon:  She's on her way. She wanted to bring her own car so she could leave when she wanted to from work. 

Rhon Takes of his coat and drops it on the couch, Phil goes to close the door and Liz enters with God slightly behind her. She runs in leaving the door open, God wanders in as the attention is on Liz 

Liz: Rhon, Rhon. I won! I won the award for my composition! 

She runs across the room and hugs Rhon. Rhon raises a glass in his hand to toast her 

Rhon: A toast, To Liz, who just won some epic award for which I assume is a beautiful musical composition. 

Everyone raise their glasses, cheer and then drink deeply. Then the girls jump up and down in excitement and joy. Before going back to what they were doing. Lights dim. God Stands beside the couch examining the room, Hands behind his back, Tipping forwards on his feet. Phil goes and closes the door and turns to the audience. Spot light on Phil 

Phil: Then there's Rhon and Liz. There's not a better couple out there, as far any of us can tell. And If I have to admit it I'm bit jealous of their relationship. Supportive and loving, disgustingly perfect. And then there's this... 

Pauses looks at God hand stuck in air and confused 

This Guy who I have never seen before. Who is this guy? 

Stage lights up Phil walks over to Liz and Rhon who is excitedly talking to Rhon.

Phil:  Who's your friend? 

Liz: Who?

Phil: Dude with the beard. He came with you didn't he? 

Liz:  Never seen him before. 

Everyone looks at God who is now watching the TV. Music changes to christian Gospel 

Rhon: Who is this guy? And What's with the music? 

Phil:  Martha can we put on a different CD? 

Martha walks over to change the CD but it keeps playing as she pulls out the CD as she holds it. She looks dumbfounded. Phil walks over to God 

Phil:  Hi There. 

Looking quizzical, God just smiles, a kind generous smile 

God: Good day, Sir. 

Phil: Umm, Might I ask who you came with? Who you came with? 

God pauses for a second, glances around the room and back to Phil. Some are looking at him, Liz, Rhon, and Tammy are paying attention to what he's saying. All others are conversing about there places and do not hear what he is about to say

God: I am God 

Looking puzzled like he doesn't understand the question 

Phil: God? As in Godfry. Right? 

God: No, no, no. God. 

Glances till he locks eyes towards Martha direction 

Ask Martha. 

Phil: Oh, you're a friend of Martha's. 

God: Yes and no. But she'll understand. 

Phil: God. Okay, God. I see. 

Lights dim again, spotlight on God. Rest of the cast freezes. 

God: To the audience. People simply do not understand. Was I to believe that they honestly would? God is not something that comes and talks to one Saturday night. Something, someone? That just shows up in your living room. God is supposed to be ethereal, everlasting and above all else, somewhere else; Somewhere mystical and above the clouds. Or trenched deep within one's heart: not standing on your carpet in your front room. How can I make them understand who I am? Well I cannot; they simply do, or they do not. 

Lights back to full 

Phil: God then.

God: To audience And Phil here does. 

Phil: May I introduce you to my friend, Moses, Jesus and Mary. Snickers 

God: I see. Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Has no one ever told you that, Phil? 

Phil looks slightly shocked 

Phil: How do you know my name? 

God: I told you Phil, I am God. 

Phil: I see. 

God: Need I prove this to you somehow? 

Phil:  That may be a way to get over this awkwardness, no? 

God: No. 

Phil: No? 

God:  Yes, yes, of course. How might I prove this to you?

Phil:  Snapping his fingers What was the name of the dog I had in high school? God responds quickly

God: Skippy 

Phil:  Where did I lose my Blanket when I was four? 

God: You didn't, your mom threw it out? Taken aback and surprised but determined to catch him 

Phil: Fine then, what is my favourite food? 

God:  Chocolate: which is odd, thought not as odd as the fact, bearing in mind the aforementioned fact, that you have never had a cavity. Thanks to me. He winks and giggles 

Phil:  And what... 

God:  Toothpaste. 

Phil: Where... 

God: Georgetown. 

Phil:  Stepping back But... 

God: Spruce street, a quarter past five or quarter after five, Simultaneous multiple partners, a lakeside resort on the edge of Owen Sound, A four hundred dollar plate, the grass behind your house, with-in the bushes, Dying cats and teddy bear named Woo-woo you lost while searching for your little sister when she was lost one foggy May morning.

Phil: Head dropping Woo-woo. 

God: Speaking in a Jamaican accent Yah Phil. I'm da real ting mon. And to answer you next question, I am here to raise my praise. People jus don believe anymore. Don believe in anything. And we all need somethin' to believe in, right mon. I am da lord and Savior. But if yu need some more proof.... Raises his hands above his head 

Phil: No, No, that's alright. I'll play along. 

God:  Normal voice Are you sure? I have this amazing dancing elephant that will materialize at a moments notice. Doesn't make a mess. It's the dearest little thing I have ever seen. 

Phil: No, I'm certain. But, could you do me a favour? I know you want to raise your praise and all, but could you keep the preaching to a minimum? I have been planning this party for a couple of weeks and really, well religious talk is such a downer. We just want to have fun. 

God: Kicking his at the ground, head hung low, eyes looking up puppy-dog like Aww come on, I need to help people , help them understand that's there's something out there looking out for them. 

Phil: Please. Begging 

God: Oh All right, I'll try. 

Phil: Try? If memory serves me right, you tried a few things a few times before and they have hardly worked out properly.

God: British accent Scotch, ma boy, I kna yu have a bottle a twenty five under yu bed. 

Phil:  Smiles I was saving that for a special occasion. 

God:  Well that special occasion is here. 

Martha:  Having made her way over to God Rod is it? My, my you should be wearing more clothing: it's cold out there. 

God:  Do you know what might warm me up? 

Martha: Pigs in a blanket? 

God: Yup. Pigs in a blanket. Smiles 

Phil walks over to help Martha grab the food

Phil: It's god you know that don't you? 

Martha: Yes of course I do. Who wouldn't know God? 

Dr. Segal walks over quickly. God walks of to the food table. Picks up the crab dip that Tammy brought, Snif s it and gives a troubled face. Puts it back down 

Dr. Segal:  Who is that?

Phil: He's God. 

Dr. Segal: With a smile on his face Let's look at this rationally, shall we. God, the being who created the universe, who created the prototypes for you and me. Who keeps the world spinning, who sends the sun up and the moon down. Or whatever it is that happens there. The big guy in the sky. He's here in your living room. The man with a plan, all the answers. 

Corina overhears and comes over with Zoe in tow 

Corina: This is stupid. If he has all the answers I don't care! All that matters is how you look and what you have. Everyone knows that. 

Zoe: OMG! Corina come on that's not true. What about sad people: They need our help to make them happy. Like makeup and stuff. 

Corina: Laughs loud and claps here hands like she has a great idea I know everybody feels better when you get a good haircut. Looking with wide eyes like she has a secret to share. We should start a club or crowd funding or group or facebook or whatever to give make-up workshops in Africa or hair extensions to the poor. 

Both Girls squeal in delight and give each other a high five 

Both: OMG YEAAA!!! 

Phil looks dumbfounded and looks back to Dr. Segal to finish his conversation. Both girls talk among themselves 

Phil: Umm, anyway sure, To answer you. Why not? I mean why not? Don't you...

Dr. Segal: Believe in God? Sure, sure. Why not. I believe in God But The guy with the beard over there is trying to steal your gold pen. 

Phil: Pointing at God Hey, hey put that down! 

God: Looking startled It's a beautiful pen Phil, lovely Fine gold. 

Phil: Yeah, well you can see why I would be a little nervous about it then. 

God:  Indeed. 

Dr. Segal and Phil walk over to where God is 

Phil: And you might expect that I will Question why you have chosen to visit me. Tonight of all nights. 

God: Indeed 

Spot light on Phil 

Phil: To Audience A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer, The bartenders says, Says we don't serve ropes here. The the rope bends over and shows him the top of his head and says fraid knot? No, wait that's not the one I wanted. Slaps himself on the knee Guy walks into a party and says, “ I'm God.” No, that's not nearly as funny. Guy throws a party and everything that could go wrong goes wrong. And God walks in.

Tom:  To Phil smugly I see you are humouring the deity this evening Phil. 

Phil: So you don't believe? 

Tom: I do believe in God. I don't believe that that is him. I know God and his will: you know I am one of the faithful, one of his flock. I understand the heart and mind of God. I hate to say it Phil. But I am closer to God, more than any of you.

Jen:  I don't believe it's him either. But let's have fun with him. 

Phil Hangs his head as his friends walk past him. He turns around to find that the rest of the party members have gathered around God 

Dr. Segal: Those are some hefty bags under your eyes, old timer. Drop by my clinic and I could help you out with those. 

Martha hands God a snifter of scotch

Zoe: Like, where do you stand on abortion? 

Corina: Can you make me Prettier? 

Rhon: When I look into the night sky I can only see so far, right? I want to know what the edge of the universe looks like. 

Everyone is there surrounding God 

Liz:  Where is the most beautiful place on Earth?

Phil: Once we have figured out DNA what will we know? 

Jen: To Phil Why would he care about that? 

Tom: To Jen Why would he not? 

Jen: Where do you even come up with such dumb things to say? 

Tom: Oh-for-crying-out-loud Jen! Why can't you just agree on one thing for once? 

Jen: You always say that! I have my own thoughts, I don't like when you say I argue. Last time you did that I washed your shirt and nothing is ever good enough for you. 

Tom: What the hell are you talking about? They both walk of arguing getting softer as they walk away. Improve argument from here. Everyone turns back to God to ask more questions. But not loud. Silent but dramatic actions. Music louder like a Montague 

Tammy softly speaks as music drops almost shy like 

Tammy: What is luck? 

The party slips into slow motion but for God and Phil 

God:  Looking mournfully towards Phil You know Phil, You weren't selected at random. Your house was chosen. Wilfully selected. Let me tell you why I am here, Phil. Going into salesman mode People have managed to get the wrong idea about me Phil. My message has been bastardized to the point where I cannot tell what these people are talking about anymore. You have all made it more difficult than it needs to be. They've taken my words and ruined them. Changed them. Switched them up and spat them back out in odd formations to feed their own ego's. Someone should just ask me what I am talking about. Not these single little questions. These insignificant whims. Ask me what it is I mean by it all. 

Phil: God, What are you talking about? 

God:  Ask me what it all means. What this world is all about. 

Phil:  What's it all about God? 

God:  Beats me. Giggles 

Rest of the party snaps back out of slow motion and God and Phil are in there original places 

Tammy: Why were all my loved ones taken from me so early on in life? 

Jen comes back as Thom pouts in the corner by the food. She interrupts pushes her way in, then Thom follows back with a frown on his face 

Jen: Is true love a reality? Or some sort of chemical bullshit? 

Tom: Why are you asking this guy anything? He's not God! 

Jen: How do you even know? Well? How could you know? It might be possible! 

Tom: I, I, well I'd just know. I mean God doesn't come and start nattering to people in their living rooms, some night. Does he! 

Martha: He could. 

Liz: Is music truly the greatest divine blessing? 

Rhon: okay, so what I find hard to swallow, is what religion is selling. It seems flawed, in a way that is beyond explanation. Hypocritical, controlling, and self-centred. I think that is the problem. Self-centred. Seriously though, I use to look up into the nights sky when I was a kid and wonder what was up there, all night long, watching the stars move and the clouds and the moon. Then one day I found out that it was us that was moving and not the stars. Or that the stars had already moved and what I was seeing was not even there anymore. They were just what was left of what was once there. Like that flicker when you turn off a TV at night. And seriously listen I couldn't go to church any more. I mean, If I can stare at something with my own eyes like that, something that doesn't even exist anymore, and the lights are beautiful. The earth moves on its own accord, and all this, all this stuff was actually created by something. I was damned certain that it, whatever it was that created all of this, was not going to care whether or not I stuffed myself into a little blue suit every Sunday morning and sang songs about how much I loved him. And how much I praised him. Come on wasn't Sunday supposed to be a day off anyway? 

Everyone stops and looks at Rhon rant. For a moment when he's done silence. Then in unison to God 

Everyone: Aren't you going to give us any answers?

God looks tired, settles down in a seat. Martha grabs a drink and brings it to God and a small plate of pigs in a blanket. He smiles at her and sips his scotch and closes his eyes to enjoy it 

Martha: Let's all leave him alone for a moment, give him some space you guys.

Cast but Phil walks back to the food table talking to themselves 

God: He makes me sound like I've been neutered or something. 

Phil: We are not supposed to know the face of god, Or so we have been told.

God:  Not supposed to know? Who decided this? Shaking his head at the statement 

Phil:  Only his work. 

God: My work. Hmm. But not me. The product but not the inventor. 

Phil: But are we to thank you? 

God:  Thank me? For what? For what I have done for you? But not know who or what you are thanking? 

Phil:  Does it sound odd? 

God:  A little. Might I have a moment alone?

Phil: Certainly. 

Phil walks over to where Tom is standing, Jen Kissing Thom Passionately, God looks likes talking to someone, then sips his drink quietly. As Thom Phil is there and pushes Jen of of him 

Phil:  Tom, you don't believe that God is right there do you. 

Tom:  Oh he's here. He resides in our churches and cathedrals and in our hearts. He's all around us. Watching, judging every moment of our existence.

Phil: So, you don't believe that he could come to earth and talk to us? 

Tom: If he did, who would believe him? Unless he turned the sky into fire, and the world to salt. He would show the power of who he is. 

Jen: Yea right, he's right! 

Stage Darkens, spotlight on Phil. Who walks to the front of the stage. Rhon walks over to God. And you can see them starting a deep debate. Can only see actions no words

Phil: Well, I do. We've made him human. Sometimes some of us; If we care at all to look outside of ourselves for answers. But then, most of us are too busy for that anyway. Doesn't it seem that the stranger things get the more willing we are to accept them? The tabloids draw our eyes their stands at the grocery stores. Tweets build fear. Facebook isolates us. We don't know how to be friends anymore. The news that people have won millions in a lottery, keeping us buying and wanting and hoping that in someway or some how our number will come up and we will finally win. We have lost faith in anything tangible. And as we lose faith we begin believing more and more in things, like televangelists, products that will make us beautiful. People that lie to us and we want them too. Trying to be perfect trying each to be a God in our own right, hoping one more person will push the like button to make us closer to perfection. We have created a God so far from who he is here in my living room, that we can't even see who he is now. Or understand. No one has direct recourse to the Lord. 

Lights come back on and Rhon Is beside God. Phil walks over in mid-conversation. 

Rhon: So, you see what I mean? No, no seriously, if we live in a multi-dimensional universe. The introduction of infinity proves that a God could not exist in this wider sense of multiple infinitives of north, east, west, south, up and down. Time, God. Time could not exist if God does. What we have is a world within which we are attempting to link existing things, things we can touch and see. Like this glass of wine. Holds up glass of wine Like wise cannot see, like time, or infinity, or God. And that makes sense. Doesn't it? 

God: You cannot multiply infinity times infinity, then interject variables with an earthly construct. Quantifying the equation and expect there to be a big equal sign n the end. Counting things out on his fingers 

Phil:  So then we made God. We made God for the answer to these questions?

God: Yes, that is entirely possible. The world spinning in infinity without a leader, without a God. So, there is no God. No, wait a moment... There is Dammit you guys, I'm God. 

Phil, and Rhon Snicker At God for a moment Tom walks over near the end of god speaking 

Tom: Extending his hand Right then, God I'm Moses. Would love to talk to you a little longer but there's Sea somewhere that needs to be parted. Tom walks off laughing 

Phil: You could have said something. 

God:  I don't bother with his type. He has his own perception of who I am, what I do. I could do anything I wish to him, but he's still going to be looking for a bloody tear to come off of some manikins face or a bush to spontaneously combust. It's easier to let him live his life. Let him live simply. Than show him the truth of who I am. Like I said before the message has been lost in time. The ultimate telephone game. 

Phil: So the faithful are wrong? 

God: Hand to chin No, not wrong. But blind faith in anything will get you killed. 

End of Act I

Act II 

TV is on. Rhon Flicks remote begins to press buttons. God remains sitting munching on pigs on a blanket and sipping on his drink 

TV: In Syria today, UN troops are gaining access to previously un... On highway 7 today at 2:00am just east of Peterborough, Five teens driving what is believed in excessive speed crashed into a tree. Alcohol may have been a factor. All Five teens... For only $29.99 plus shipping and handling. That's right Greg, we pay the shipping and handling this time. What Fran We do?... It's generally our notion that, upon discovering his men bogged down in heavy snow of a Russian winter. Napoleon chose, against the wishes of his commanding officers and advisors, to continue on, but what was he expecting to find in Russia that... Show me the way to go home, everybody now, I'm tired and wanna go to bed.

Phil: Hey Rhon turn up the music, turn that thing down. More party man. 

Martha while walking across the room, takes the remote from Rhon and places it back on the TV, music plays softly in the background 

Martha: What is it I have to do to live a good life? Sorry to bother you, I really am, but I have been asking myself this question for so long now and I need to know the answer. 

God: Slow, steady, psychiatrists voice Need. Need as a word, if I am correct, normally signals something which, were one to not receive it, one might very well die? Well, will you die if you do not receive an answer, Martha?

Martha:  Looking at the couch, running her finger up and down the seam of the arm rest I suppose not. But will I be allowed into heaven?

Phil: Wanders over and sits beside Martha Yes, is there a heaven? I've always wondered that myself. 

God: Well, a while ago I rented this warehouse location on Roosevelt Island and now we get those souls packed in there nice and tight. 

Martha:  What!?! 

God: Giggling No, Martha I'm kidding. I'll have to leave that up to your imagination. But yes to live a good life Martha. I will tell you a secret Motions for her to come closer Rubber bands. You must collect more rubber bands. 

Martha nods her head and stands, when she passes the TV, there is an elastic on it and she takes it 

God: Turns to Phil I've realized over time I'm not that good with people, Phil. I often forget how ridiculously low their sense of humour is. 

Dr. Segal: At the kitchen Table But Club Monaco is the new big thing. Those Tight little tops that show off the ladies belly-rings. And the skin. Short, short, short. Legs, legs legs. 

Zoe: Club Monaco? Like, whatever. I spend, like a thousand on a shirt I can wear it like forever. Club Monaco cost like Fifty bucks. 

Dr. Segal: You could wear it forever? But do you?

Zoe: Guuuroossss, NEVER! 

Dr. Segal: Nothing I like more than a woman in a tight sweater. Takes Corina's hand and smiles I really do appreciate the subtlety of a woman. I know that sounds hypocritical being a surgeon in the art of plastic. But to me seeing a beautiful angel filling a sweater, where a lot is left to the imagination...mmm...mmm 

Corina: Sweaters! But they hide so much. They're so, regular. I mean, Like, I mean. They hide everything. 

Dr. Segal: And there is beauty in that, isn't there? In the unknown about another person? 

Zoe: No, there isn't. We should be able to judge people without talking to them.

Jen:  Well, maybe if boobs are all you have then... 

Zoe:  Take that back! Waving her finger at Jen 

Jen: Why do you immediately assume I am talking about you? 

Zoe: Take it back! Jen: Well, it's true. 

Zoe: You don't mean it. Take it back!

Jen:  I do, and I won't! 

Zoe: Why do you have to be such a bitch? 

Jen: I just say what I know. 

Zoe:  Well maybe you should, like, think about keeping some of these things to yourself, do you know what I mean? 

Jen: Honesty is a virtue. Right God? Looks across the room at God 

Spot light falls on God, the rest of the room slips into slow-motion. God speaks to the audience 

God:  Petty disputes. What makes them think that I can solve their Problems? Who was it that said, all of your dealings with one another, your financial troubles, your social concerns, your love and loss of love take them to god. Send them my way. I can fix it. In the dead of night when you have just hung up the phone with the only person you ever believed you would be able to love. Who has just told you that you unfortunately are not the one for them. Well, yell to good old God. Tell him your troubles. You've driven your car into a wall because your high. Lying there in your own stupid pool of blood and cry out to God. Maybe God can turn back time, you'll think, maybe God is the answer here. Then while you're laying a hospital room, contemplating how ephemeral it all is, how absolutely tragic the world is. How horrible you have been treated, you will say, Why, God, why have you forsaken me? And I will tell you why. Because, dumb-ass you did it yourself. It was was your choice to smoke that joint and text. Not mine. And that person that convinces you to buy Bitcoin but at the last moment you bail.

God: They become rich and you don't. You can't blame them for your lack of courage. You wanting to play it safe. You make choices that dictate your future everyday. I'm not saying hardship won't happen for no reason now and then. Sure born into the wrong part of the world what choice do you have. But definitely you have a choice here. You already won the golden ring. You by being here in this moment of time in this place have won the lottery of life. Every opportunity is given to you. I look out for the ones that need it, the little people. Putting little angels on their shoulder... But these people are beyond my jurisdiction. They've made their own rules and now must live by them. Sorry to say. 

Stage lights back up 

Jen: I'm not saying that you are a bad person, Zoe. Just self-centred and. 

Zoe: What? Self-centred and What? If you are having about of honesty here and all. 

Tom: Simple. 

Phil: Please stop it you guys. 

Zoe: Simple! Simple! What do you mean by that? 

Jen: Maybe more ignorant than simple, actually. I'd say. But that is not a bad thing. You just decided to live your life a different way. Different things are important to you. 

Phil: No really guys please, my party come on don't be mean to each other. We can work this out.

Zoe:  Pfff, like okay. What. The. Hell. 

Dr. Segal:  Laughing All I was saying is that I like a woman in a sweater. But if we're going to be talking like this well Jen, I mean, really, Pot, Kettle, Black. Hahaha 

Zoe: Oh shut up you, you, you pimp. 

Dr. Segal: Whooaa Hahaha. Pimp? Hahahah, let me explain to you what pimp is. 

Zoe: Like, I know what a pimp is. And. And. Why are you all being so mean to me? Starts to cry 

Jen: To Dr. Segal as she puts her hand on Zoe shoulder to support her What do you know about or anything you glorified sculptor! 

Dr. Segal:  I'll take that as a compliment. Hahaha 

Zoe: What did I do wrong? 

Jen:  What is it that I said so wrong? Or awful? It's just the truth. 

Tom: I wish this never started. Why can't you just keep your mouth shut? Why do you have to fight with everyone at every moment? 

Phil: Guys, guys, my party remember?

Corina: I think my left Boob is bigger than the right one. Can anyone see this?

Rhon:  Why can't we just get along people. It's the differences that separate us and we have to start finding common ground here. Common you guys. 

Tom: That kind of attitude will get you beat up these days. Hahahaha 

Dr. Segal:  Softly There's more to life than looks. 

Jen: And you would know. 

Tom and Phil both start laughing 

Liz: Guys what's going on? 

Tom And Phil Still laughing 

Jen, Zoe: what you you laughing at? 

In the background Tammy is eating her Crab dip, standing alone. No one else is there after eating it she sits. She waves for help but no one notices. Then leans back and dies with her eyes open. Everyone is focused on Phil who is awkwardly laughing.

Phil:  Ha, Ha, So here's a good one. This guy, he decides to have this party and, Hahaha, makes everything perfect for everyone. For his friends and then, ohh, here's a good one. The Lord almighty shows up and. Hahaha his friends start to fight with one another and Hahahaha, toss some drinks around and insult one another and then, hahahahaha. 

Dr. Segal looks over at Tammy where she is slumped over eyes open, as Phil has his break down. He walks over puts his ear to her mouth and listens for a moment. Picks up her arm and checks for a pulse. Stage goes dark and the spotlight focuses on God. God put his drink down and shakes his head 

God:  This isn't going to be pretty. Lights come up full on the stage 

Dr. Segal: Tammy's dead! He shouts out to everyone. 

Everyone: Dead? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead! 

Everyone: Dead? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead! 

Phil: How? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead!

Rhon:  No, How? 

Dr. Segal: Shrugs his shoulders Might have been something she ate. 

Zoe: I told her to go on a diet! 

Everyone glares at her still in shock. 

Phil: And then, here's the punch line. I mean get this one, It's better than three guys walk-into a bar. A priest, a mime and a drunk Irish man. Or the one about guy and his neighbour wife? Which is a good one. A real good one. This one is better. This guy, see, he throws a party and wants everything to be perfect. But then God shows up and his friends fight and argue. And then, here it is, here's the big one, the clincher. The old whoompa! One of his guests Dies. DIES hahahahahahah 

God: As he eats the crab dip and other things It was the crab Dip. I guess I could have mentioned that but then I got this scotch and got into these conversations and then the ladies here started fighting with one another. 

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? I mean really God. Come on. 

Phil: I let you into my house. For the party. 

Zoe: She was my friend. 

Tom:  I can still remember our night together. Walks over to Tammy strokes her hair 

Dr. Segal: No leave her be.

Everyone sits down at the table then ignores that Tammy in dead. Someone pushes the Crab dip to the end of the table. The stages darkens slightly Music in the background. Death walks in touches Tammy on the arm and she pops up fully animated, Stands and tests out here new body. She seems stronger, more confident, both move to the back of the table and seem in a good happy conversation 

Jen: Wait! What night with her? Thom? I introduced you to her. So if you did anything with her I'll Frig'in lose it I swear to God! 

God Perks up and looks at them points to himself questioningly 

Tom: Aww, Tammy. I feel so betrayed. Jen How could you think this? 

Zoe:  Like, Serves you right. 

Tom: Oh shut it Zoe! 

Phil: My party. 

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? You're God for Christ sake. You didn't get around to mentioning that the Crab dip was going to kill our friend? 

God: Well, I knew the possibility was there that it could maybe, kill her. But things can always go one of two ways. 

Zoe:  Like, whatever. IF you're God, I'm Marilyn Monroe.

Tom: And I'm Moses. 

Jen: And I'm Princess Di. 

Zoe: That's pretty Tasteless. 

Jen:  What do you know about taste? 

Tom: Name one Tchaikovsky Symphony. 

Zoe: Who? Me or her? 

Tom: Either of you. And at the same time points to God Prove you are who you say you are. Prove you're God. Let's get it all figured out here. All the cards on the table. 

Phil: No, no, please don't make him prove anything. The elephant and the destry what's left of my party. And. Oh, please just don't make him prove anything. 

With a big pause, everyone's attention is focused on God he sighs and gets ready to speak 

God:  This girl has an unlucky life and I get the blame when she dies? I didn't make the dip. I didn't make the crab dip with old eggs and old crabs. I didn't take it from the plate and stick it in Tammy's mouth. But I get the blame? See that's what I have been talking about. You all think that I have something to do with this.

Tom: Well, you do have the ultimate control over everything. Right? That's the deal. Your job description. Right? Or will you just admit now you aren't God. 

Phil: Gone, deceased, dead hands flutter in the shape of a bird. Taking off above his head an at my party. The party I have been planning for over two weeks.

Rhon: Oh sweet-Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ Phil. Shut up about the damn party. We get it, we know, but right now things have gone a little sideways here and we have bigger things to think about that that right now. 

God:  There. There is my flaw. Snaps his fingers and points My cosmic joke, my point of break or my cracked vase. You little buggers can only think yourself. Yourself and how you can be better than one another. But, in the end, just yourself. Yourself first and last. Start, middle and end, me, me, me. Do you know how I got here today? I took the subway. While I was standing there on the platform, a woman named Patricia Barker, was severely depressed. Believing the world was to much for her. She was so desperate, to much pain to speak of. Decided to remove her and her child from it. The world that is. Remove herself completely. By jumping , child in arms, in front of a oncoming subway. I was the blind black beggar at the station. You want me to help? Well it's not my job!

Martha: That's awful. 

God smiles sadly at Martha

God:  But this woman beside me, Three piece suit, a couple grand worth of jewellery, late for a business meeting as it was. She began to complain. Complain that she was going to be even later for this meeting. Huffing and puffing. That it would change her world. That it would make more and more money. “Screw this stupid woman, who is dressed like a street person.” She said aloud. Decides to jump in front of a train, I mean come on people, you want to know everything in the world there is to know? Life on mars, eternal happiness, the perfect orgasm, long life and maybe inner peace? Well, compassion is a good start. Compassion and empathy is a damn fine start actually. 

Phil:  And then my guests piss off God. 

Death makes her way to Tammy stands beside her and Tammy instantly comes to life. they talk but know one notices as all focus is on God. Death waves hello to God, God nodded in acknowledgement

Liz:  God: are you okay? 

God: Runs his hands over his face I'm sorry. You are no more to blame than anyone else. But you must understand that it is all about free will. And that is going to shock you all. I mean, especially Tom there who actually believes in me. 

Tom: Looking sheepish and acting defensive I believe in God, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you my friend are not HIM!

God: You are a rarity these days. But no one really has it wrong. Well, except for the Scientologist. They are way out in left field. Anyway I created the earth, and it was good. I created the plants, the sea, the sky, it was all good. Good. Put animals in the mix nice batch of insects all life. Then I got tired or maybe bored I can't remember. So I set the program in motion, a basic free will if you like. It was good. I went away for awhile and I came back and what do I see. It was no longer good. Yu'all screwed it it up. Yu'all forgot a few things changed a few things. But yu'all had yer purposes to fulfill. And and yu'all don't like it. Then you have someone like Tammy here who, tonight, has fulfilled her duties. Who's free-will has brought her to this. And this. 

Lights focus on Death and Tammy 

Phil:  Who is this? 

God: Death. 

Rhon: This old lady is Death? 

Death blows her nose and fixes her glasses and smiles a big smile Tammy Appears beside Death. The rest of the cast realize shes alive and standing

Rhon:  Oh my God, It's Tammy! 

The rest are shocked 

Liz: Tammy I thought you died? 

Tammy: I think I did.

Phil: Wait I thought she died! 

Tom: I told you she wasn't dead. 

Corina:  Tammy Come here, with us. 

Death: No folks we need her with us. 

Phil: Then Death shows up. What a party! 

God: Yes, Gladice here is Death and she does a damn fine job of it to. Don't you Gladice. He raises his glass to Death 

Death: I try. 

God: You've been with me for what? Two, three generations? 

Death: Going on four, God. 

God: Elected by a body of her peers each time. And she still loves the lot of you.

Death: I do, I truly do. 

God: With birth out of the way, and Death taking care of business. I have so much time on my hands. Thank you Gladice.

Death: No Thank you God. 

Dr. Segal: Sounds reasonable to me. 

Rhon: But can't you stop Death? 

God: Sure, why not. Throw a stick in the spokes of history. Why not? But it's none of my business, now is it. 

Rhon:  What if we found a good reason? 

God:  Ahh a salesman. Great, perfect. Hit me with your best pitch, Mr. Lowman.

Rhon: Can I discuss this with my friends? 

God: Certainly, By all means, take your time. 

God rises from his seat with a grunt and joins Death and Tammy behind the table. The rest go join Phil on the couch 

Rhon: What are we going to say? 

Liz: Tell him Tammy's life was horrible and that she deserves a break. 

Jen: Tell him that we could trade some of Corina's hair for Tammy. Or a leg. What are your legs insured for now Corina? Three, four hundred thousand.

Corina:  Like shut up! 

Rhon: Or maybe we could just bribe death? 

Dr. Segal: Cheat him, lie to him, bribe him. Sure, what the hell, hahaha. The whole shebang. Bring her to her knees in negotiation. Tie her up in litigation. Appeal her rulings then jump bail with our Tammy in hand. Hahahah. 

Liz, Rhon, Zoe Tom: Shut up Segal. 

Jen: To Tom You shut up. 

Tom: To Jen No you shut up. 

Jen:  Why do I hate you so much? 

Tom: Talking through clenched teeth Why must I talk through clenched teeth whenever I talk to you? 

Jen: Why... 

Tom: If only... 

The two of them lean into one another and start kissing 

Phil: Two weeks. Two weeks I planned...

Liz: This is never going to work. 

Rhon: We will have to make this work, figure out some loophole never thought of. 

The group come together heads close like they are making plans hands waving and pointing. Death, God and Tammy seem to be in a deep conversation as well. Pointing to the other group. Lights start to fade as music plays up. 

End Of Act II

Act III 

On one side of the table is God, Tammy and death. God and death standing on either side of Tammy who is sitting in the middle seat.. On the other side Tom, Phil, Liz, Rhon and Corina standing. Jen and Tom have moved to the couch and pawing each other. The TV playing old family 8mm home movies in silent mode.

God:  I see you have a couple of non-players on your side. Gestures at Jen and Tom Never-the-less, we should do this properly. Everyone, this is Death, Gladice. God points as he introduces each one to Death. This is Rhon, Liz, Zoe, and Corina, Phil and Martha. Oh of course you, know Dr. Segal. 

Dr. Segal moves across stage towards Death. He sticks his hand out to shake her hand then pulls it away 

Death: Yes, Dr. Segal, I know your work well. Rhon, a Lovely boy, Liz. Liz there are some pianos in the great beyond that you will simply love. 

Tammy: To Liz Sorry I didn't get to talk to you tonight, but that CD you loaned me is on the cabinet by my bed. You can get it back whenever... 

Liz: Aren't you scared? 

Zoe: Like of course she's scared. I mean, She's like dead.

Corina: I'm not sure I understand all this. 

Dr. Segal: You don't have too, dear. 

Tammy:  Actually, I'm not scared. Death told me about where I am going and everything and it sounds nice. And I did put on clean underwear today so we can take the express route. Anyway, I had a huge Visa Bill. Hehe. So all is good. 

Dr. Segal: Hahahaha Good one. 

Rhon: Coughs into his hand Ummmm. 

God: Yes, yes, our salesman. Gladice, these young people would like to discuss the removal of their friend from this earthly plane. If that would be ok with you.

Death: Checking her wrist watch We really haven't the time. I wish we did. 

Liz: Yelling I don't think its fair you are taking Tammy. 

Zoe: Yeah, Like her life sucked and you're, like taking it away from her early and it's wrong. 

Dr. Segal: Well spoken. 

Zoe: Go to hell. 

Corina: Maybe I could do work or something.

Death: Now, now, my children. 

Rhon: Okay. Let's take this back one step. Calmly, Calmly. Tammy is our life long friend, ok? Everyone nods. And she has had a pretty horrible life. If something could go wrong it would. By far the most unluckiest person I have ever known. It was like watching someone being tortured slowly. There has to be a better way to do this this ending I mean. 

Tammy:  Well, it did have its moments. 

Rhon: But it wasn't that great. I mean, your parents, your living conditions, your poor, poor luck. 

Tammy: You make it sound like I should be happy to be dead. 

God beams a big smile 

God: You're losing your defendant. 

Rhon:  Tammy I don't mean it the way you think. What I mean is you deserve to have a little luck fall your way. A chance to turn it around a second chance. And bottom line Tammy we want you with us. 

Tammy:  I kind of like this dead thing. It's tingly. 

Rhon: Tingly? 

Phil: Why did she have to die at my party though?

Death:  It's that easy isn't it? Someone snaps their fingers and someone is dead. There is no research in this no analysis. My team of professionals... 

Phil: Phhhhh 

Death: Who work very hard. 

Phil: Phhhhhhh 

Death: Very hard to get everything organized. Okay what is it Phil? Is there something you would like to tell us? What is it? 

Phil: Absurd! 

Death: Absurd? 

Phil:  Does no one else find this absurd? 

Death: There is nothing absurd about this, young man. This is a very serious business. Where is he going? 

Phil moves away towards the TV and just stares at it.

Tammy: Listen you guys, I don't know why this happened, well I do it was the Crab, but what I mean is this is bigger than me. More important than all of us. I feel like This means something and what I thought was bad luck or sadness or even loneliness, was teaching me something that I needed to learn. I may not understand all the nuances but I feel like for the first time. What I do matters. If you think about it, I will get to see my mom and dad, right Gladice? Gladice Nods her head yes and to me that's a greater gift than anything I have here right now at this time. 

God: Okay folks, time to jump in for a bit here. What I want to mention is that what you are forgetting is that Tammy does not have a choice. Her life was designed this way for a purpose. It was all to teach her for the moments to come. She was being trained to take over for Death. In time she will have the compassion and the grace to help people cross over. Her training started before she was born. Everything she needed to be was planned out every second in time. Tammy nods like she understands and accepts this idea with a smile.

Rhon: What about free-will. You were pretty hip on that before. 

God: It's all part of a system. Systems do not change at the drop of a hat. Everything has a function to the overall purpose. 

Dr. Segal: Devil's advocate here for a second. You tell us all about you, the almighty, your work. Ect, ect. Then you introduce us to you organizational skills. Aka this free-will deal. What, in effect, is a program set in motion to do your work for you while you were elsewhere. Taking a nap and such. Correct? Right, then you introduce us to Gladice who you inform us, is part of a system as well. You can't believe in two systems of thought. You either believe in free-will or fate. Both can't exist. And, whoa is it just me or are there some things here that no longer make any sense?

God: This is getting out of hand. I know I made the rules, but I made them a long time ago and now I cannot recall the sensibility behind them all right now. Searching his pockets 

Rhon: You're contradicting yourself now. 

Dr. Segal:  Now I was never a lawyer but I did go out for Law school before I became a doctor and I must say that... 

God: Giving a stern look finger up Tammy serves a better purpose dead than alive. 

Dr. Segal, Rhon, Liz, Zoe, Corina, Thom, all at once, after a slight pause, say But, Then fire questions fast then they pair of slowly mock talking to each other 

Rhon: An infinite universe. Indeed, But what if is flat? And what if something created it which we can't even fathom. Something outside of cumulative reality than the God we know? Of even stranger what if we are just senescence stuck on an event horizon. On the edge of a Black hole? Existing only for a nano-second, but time being relative we exist for trillions of years before our reality is destroyed by another dimension. An mathematical nominally. Mistake by happenstance. 

Steps aside 

Liz: There is so much beauty in the world. But there is so much hatred and violence. How can I believe or not believe? 

Zoe:  Do we need to know?

Corina: If there is a god, and I’m a saying if, what will it think of us? We inject plastics into ourselves, we pierce our bodies and we plaster them with ink. We shave off bits here, suck out fat there. We don't consider ourselves or others in eight out of ten actions. Or we don't care. I can't believe because too many of us don't seem to care. 

Tom: From the couch, unattached himself from Jen For the moment my belief is strong. 

Jen: My will is strong. 

Phil:  I believe. How could I not. But it's like my party. God created this thing, this world, these existences, and then everyone ruined it on him. 

God: Stop! Silence! 

Lights strumming in the background all actors go to speak but find they cannot, they open and close their mouths like fish on land, god does circles at the centre of the stage like he's in deep thought and concern

God: I came here with the idea of teaching, showing people the problems which exist and possible solutions. And, again, to prove some things to myself. I mean, I had that Job fellow awhile ago, but what did that prove? You need to keep testing and testing and testing till you find a weak spot. The spots where the light gets in and you patch them up. You make them stronger. You make them better. Thicker, Darker, more resilient. But I wasn't expecting all these questions. Or all these people with all these problems. All self-centred, petty little people have confused me. I mean, what am I supposed to do with them? What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to say?

Lights have a soft dim not full, spot light on God, he walks to the front of the stage puts his hands to cover his eyebrows to look out to the audience, to stop the glare. 

God: Rhon, Rhon Grenon. Are you out there? 

Out in the audience is the director of the play Rhon Grenon. On each side of hims is an AD cute with pens in her hair and a clipboard. On the other is a model like woman Possible Girlfriend. Super classy, snobbish air about her. 

Rhon: Right here God. 

Rhon the actor on the stage pipes up and God turns around to answer him then turns back into the light searching the audience.

God: Not you, you fool. You're not even real. 

Phil: What does he mean you're not real? You've come here and really ruined my party. You've drank my wine, filled yourself with my Doritos. 

Rhon: Yeah, I ate his Doritos. I'm real. 

God:  SHHHH! None of you are real. Rhon I know you're out there! 

Rhon G: Yes God what's up? Stands up 

God: What is going on here Rhon? Apparently I am God And have ultimate control over the universe. Right? I don't get it, where were you going with this?

Rhon G: I was trying to show ideals and obedience with conformity and such do not necessary guarantee a good life. Or a good afterlife, whatever the case may be. 

Rhon: Who are you? 

All the cast walks to the front of the stage, stay in character, they stand beside God. Do what you thin your character would do but silently 

Rhon G: I'm you but real. Look forget it. 

Rhon: He's telling me to forget it. Gestures to the other actors Forget it, he's me, But real. No problem, right, Rhon No problem. 

Rhon G and God: Please be quiet. Timing Is very important here they must say it together perfectly 

God:  Rhon, what are you going to do about this play? It has seemed that it has spiralled out of control. 

Rhon G: Well, I had a god handle on what was going on until people started shouting at one another. But that was all planned, in away, as it was, but now…

Jen removers herself from Tom walks to the forefront to face Rhon G.

Jen: So, You're God? This is our friend Rhon, And this guy here points to the Rhon G is the real Rhon who created us all and, of course, we are all just characters in a play? Well, then none of this would matter... That's it I'm leaving, are you coming Tom. 

Tom: I, I don't think so Jen. No, Not this time. 

Jen: Looking angry Fine! Have it your way. I'm sick of you and this dumb group anyway. And just so you know I'm glad this is over. I wanted to end it a long time ago Tom. So screw you! 

Jen runs to the front of the stage jumps of and storms of through the audience and out the back door 

Rhon G: Calm down everyone. It's okay. She can go. I wrote that scene in to get her to leave. I wasn't a big fan of her character anyway. I think I wrote her to pushy. That's why she gets hit by a car now. 

From the back of the theatre doors open, you hear the long screeching of tires and a hard body thump. Hit by car, Out back have a team of make -up artist ready to bandage her hun give her bruising and deep wounds. 

Tom: WHAT?? NOOO, NOT JEN!! Runs after her in hysterical After Tom leaves out the back 

Rhon G: See, now he's all distraught and horrified. Now he has real emotions. Now he feels.

God: Is that what this is all about then? 

Zoe: Okay. Like, what was that? I'm bored and confused and freaked right out and I have things to do tomorrow, I wanna leave too. 

Rhon G: No, Zoe you still have a love interest. And what is this all about? This is all about Said quickly The conceptual reality within the confines of a subversive universe, will only express the complex level of benevolence that a higher manifestation of God Transfers. But we colour our realities in deep conjecture of patronizing subtle passions. I created you, God, with a reality which transgresses all boundaries. There is no logical process or grounds of functionality that readies the mind in a state of perpetual grandeur. With willingness to explore we touch the spiritual bond of life and we express as well as experience the differences that enumerate the belief of something bigger than we are. 

God: Uh-huh. 

Pause 

Zoe: Like really, A love interest? For real? Okay I'll stay. 

She sits on the edge of the stage looks out pick a cute none actor in audience and flirt with the person. Try to convince him/ her to come and chat and eventually on stage. At this point the food crew will start to move food in slowly and quietly on the side of the audience 

Rhon: It wouldn't actually be for real though would it? If we are just actors and all in a play?

Rhon G: Don't get bitter now Rhon, whos to say what is real and what instinct. How do you know if I'm just and actor playing a part in a bigger play or reality. It could be endless. 

Rhon:  I have my own mind. I am real. 

Rhon G: I can prove you're not. 

God:  Here we go. 

Rhon: Okay, Go ahead. 

Rhon G: Think of a Number between zero and one hundred. 

Rhon: Okay got it. 

Rhon G: Forty-two 

Rhon: Uh-uh... No. uh. 

Rhon G: Yes it was. 

Rhon:  Clenching his teeth as he says it Fine it was! 

Rhon G: Go sit down big boy. 

Rhon G and Rhon Sit down at the same time in the same pose.

Rhon G: Carry on with the play now. We'll talk , After the show. 

*** Ref. 58 PG 

God: Wait. So if you created me then I am not god? 

Rhon G: That's not true at all. God is the ultimate power in the universe according to some. I can't Create God. Only God Can create God if God even exists. Which I can't prove... or disprove. I just wanted to challenge people's thinking. That's all. People are so damn set in there ways sometimes. I mean, don't people want to see different things? Different views? Visit a concept they never experienced before? Life is about experience and all the times we can see things differently, added to a whole of who we become. 

Zoe should at this point should have dragged someone up to stage to come and get food. Other audience plants should be making there way up trying to bring someone with them 

God: So I am God. 

Rhon G:  Yes 

Phil:  I want you to know mister, whoever you are. Pointing to Rhon G in the audience That I know who I am and I am not a character in a play. I am a man who spent a great deal of time putting together a party which has been, for all intensive purposes. The cast Laughs at him I have parents and a pet, and a woman here who... more laughter What are you guys laughing at?

Rhon G: Look Phil. None of this, is in the play. Now I put a lot of time into this play and would really appreciate it if you would, you know, follow the script. 

Phil Stares out into the audience. The light goes to his eyes as god turns back to the party. Phil stares for a moment then turns around and sits back down at the table. With his head in his hands he yells 

Phil: LINE! 

Guy with a cue-card steps out from the side and shows it to Phil so the audience can see it 

Cue-card guy: So you are the creator of the universe then. And this is all a joke.

Phil: In a tired and defeated voice So you are the creator of the universe, God. And all this is an elaborate joke and laughs hard and long But me, I've been planning this party for weeks now and nobody seems to care. 

God: No Phil It's all real. You've done a great job. But I think that maybe this is what I've worried about all this time. I guess the world is doing ok and As the side tables of food and drink get placed food crew get slightly louder, not as careful. Talking saying is it ready improve at this point. Ask people closest if they want a drink or a bit to come and get it. Actors on stage will have to compensate at this point that people do look out for one another every so often and that in the long run will all do fine. Right Rhon? 

Rhon: What's this God?

God:  Not you. Quiet voice Rhon. Rhon Grenon. I'm a little worried. I'm a little scared how does this all end? 

Silence from the audience 

God: Softly Mr. G? How does this all end? The party. 

Rhon G: Louder God, we can't hear you! 

God: How does this all end? 

God pauses no one says anything, makes his way slowly with Tammy and Death. They all leave out the front door 

Phil: What was that? 

Rhon: Huh? 

Liz: Where were we? 

Zoe: What was that? 

Dr. Segal:  We have just witnessed something miraculous. 

Rhon: What was it? 

Liz: Yes, what ?

Phil: It's a pretty good party, isn't it? 

Rhon: I've had a blast. 

Liz: Are we purposefully not talking about God being here? 

Phil:  Who? 

Rhon:  Who? 

Zoe:  Who? 

Dr. Segal: Who? 

Liz: Okay. Who? 

Phil: Much better. Welcome to my party. There are more people to come, I welcome you all with open arms. I think. We'll just wait and see what happens next.

Party Continues this will grow from page 58 any free hands will join on stage at this point and help pull friends and family up or to tables on the side lights will finally rise full in the audience. But will happen slowly from page 58. so subtle you cant notice it should take about 7 minutes till full. All Chartres even ones that left will come back and join in the fun. Make small talk, engage people full talking now, normal voice. Some will dance and lots of laughter. Create a real party. The goal is to make an amazing transition into real life., the goal is to have no one clap no ending to the play. All behind the scene crews will join now eat, talk about the play enjoy the success of what has happened and let go of the reality that has been created. If we do this right we will blur the lines and will give the audience an experience of a lifetime. Thank you for all your hard work and bask in the wonderful thing you have created 

One last thing as the music plays God will read “New.” As long as he wants. A key style writing that challenges the way you think. Join the party when the timing is right for you 

God: It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Or maybe it's just dumb luck, and being stupid with the choices we make that end up breaking the continuity necessary to find that one willing to work as hard as you do to make love last... 

Is that the meaning of existence? 

Do you think I can see your soul?

Do we choose what to forget? 

Are you the answer to the question I have asked all my life? 

Forgotten along the way no place is safe for us to lay our weary head. Two hearts beating. Is this all we know? I tell you now we are not ready for the truth. As far as I can tell we hide from what is offered all around us. Every part of the world is angry at what is to come. But high with our heads in the sand as a fee is paid to crazy... Raise the Goddamn alarm, both middle fingers raising to the sky. One question we haven't been able to answer yet is how do we break the chains of capitalistic greed? Enslaving all that buy into a system of empty promises and high hopes. Since when do we allow corporations to decide in the matters of love, freedom, free-will, ideas, health, science, passions, morals, values, environment and life? A marketing wet dream of sheeple walking doe eyed into the grinder. Homogenized pale realities swallowing one red pill at a time. Laughing the whole way loudly, blinders on, crying inside, screaming for sweet release. How can I explain the infinite to you if we can't grasp the lack of survival we seem to adapted to without a touch of nature. 

Feather touches the mind of entropy, brushing utopia around the corner. Ideas and ideals brought forth by constant thoughts hell bent on saving humanity. As the masses fight tooth and nail to destroy all that we know. A collective autistic nature, allowing institutions to lead us down a path of paranoia and greed. Selling phantom pocket ringtones, created in the cerebral cortex a basic animal instinct to be sold bought controlled keeping us further from our true self. Keeping us yearning for connection, even if its forgotten in the depths of time. Warning signs of cold nights to keeps us safe and alive. Are we getting better generation after generation? Right now we seem to collectively want a reset but don't know how to accomplish this task. A hard reboot. But the system has grown past anyone's self control. We hope that religion will guide us to the next time. Laughing that this is the start of the road to ruin. Fulfilling the prophecy that we decided long ago that we do not want to be here any longer. 

How is it possible that the masses have decided this delusional state of mind? Willing to challenge life itself to its very core. Does cancer know of its existence? Manipulation of idol passive conquests. Steer us into non-reality voids. Painting colour apon colour. As our perception gives way to chaos. Disintegrating terror gives us hope that we are not sheep that we really are. Safety in anxiety of a world gone mad, we have watch all empires fall.

Wheels grinding , screeching and folding as humanity is perforated into bite size portions. Fed miss-information, lies and miss-steps. Taking us to the brink of loss. 

Two minutes to twelve... 

Extinction grows closer… 

Pockets of us see a clear path a picture if you will. How to wake us up to survive. Answering questions on how to build on what has been destroyed. The more we hold on to our own reality and try to control it. The more we lose control of the awesome nature that life it self has to offer. We have to start to understand our nature. The will to feel what is real all around us. Seeking those moments of clarity wrapped in a soft blanket and a warm hot chocolate. Mother is coming folks. She is waking up. She will set us straight once again. On a paths of balance one way or another she will show us what her truest self is. Holding our hand like impetuous children we are. Time out, nose in the corner, looking over our shoulder waiting for the punishment to end. But my dear reader/ listener. I paint an easy picture in your head. If we pick our fight now... 

If we wait. We will see the witch rise and all hell will break loose. A wash of fury that not one human in the existence of humanity has ever seen. It will be a cleansing like no other. There will be no record to keep. Now idols to worship. Not one person will be safe. Some may survive, some may even grow. But not like now. Time will have wiped the memories clean. You know I'm right. Think about it my friend. Inside you is the actual light of the universe longing to know itself. 

It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. I once heard, dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. In that vision of truth. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. My passion for you encompasses all. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Passions remembered. Never giving up, never willing to fall. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. I once heard. Dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. As monsters run wild inside of me. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. I can feel your soul. In that vision of truth. But the question is. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multiverse, My passion for you encompasses all. And all possibilities are real. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. Passions remembered. And that is to hold on to hope. Never giving up, never willing to fail. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. We are the grandest illusion ever created. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. Stepped in, time is up, here we go! Feel the wind on your face, the sun in your eyes. Blue all around you. Paradise found. 

[thetypedwriter]

The Name of All Things Book Review

The Name of All Things Book Review by Jenn lyons 

I swear to God that I feel like I have been reading this book for my entire life. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t reading Jenn Lyons’ next installment in the A Chorus of Dragons Series. 

And while I found the first installment, The Ruin of Kings, filled with jargon, confusing for a large portion, and sometimes over inundated with the many god-kings, characters, and places, I also found it action-packed, whimsical, and truly original with her use of POV and world building. 

This unfortunately all goes to shit in the sequel. 

I was excited enough about The Ruin of Kings to immediately pick up the sequel and read it with starry eyes and enthusiastic gusto. However, it was quickly established that this novel was not like the others for one dominant reason: the main character. 

Now, I won’t get into the nitty gritty about why I enjoyed Khirin D’Mon as a main character in the last book, as you could simply read my review about it here, but to summarize, I found him witty, charming, engaging, and driven. Perhaps naively, although I truly feel like I was duped, Khirin is hardly in the second installment at all (even if the jacket cover makes you believe otherwise). 

Instead, the main character of book two is a girl named Janel Danorak who has suffered at the hands of the demon Xaltorath (just like Khirin) and has manifested superhuman-strength as a result. It chronicles her life up to the current present where she is currently sitting in a tavern with Khirin three days after the conclusion of last book and is essentially telling Khirin every single fucking thing that has happened to her in her lifetime to bring her to the current moment. 

It is beyond maddening. 

If Lyons thought she was creatively manipulating the narrative by doing a paltry back-and-forth maneuver in which Janel and Brother Qown are re-telling their own stories to “bring Khirin up to speed” it failed. I didn’t find it clever, charming, or engaging. Instead I was irritated, bored, and indifferent. 

Instead of getting more action, progressing the plot, establishing more of the world, building relationships that have already been established, and you know, advancing Khirin’s character and motives, a character we have entirely seen the world through up to his point, we instead get what comes across to me as the longest, most boring “filler” in the history of books I have ever read. 

This whole almost-600-page book felt like a, “Oops. I wanted to include all this information earlier cause it’s important. Yeah. Important. I’ll just spend a whole book talking about shit that doesn’t matter and that already happened so that I can tell everyone how important Janel is. Perfect.”

I don’t remember the last time I was so frustrated finishing a book. This book did nothing, and I mean nothing, to progress anything that happened in book one except for maybe the last forty pages, and that’s being generous. Instead, it was essentially Lyons’ way of word vomiting exposition onto her audience without actually telling an engaging story or continuing book one in any fashion. Make no mistake, ladies and gentleman, this is the Janel Danorak show and nothing else. 

Maybe I wouldn’t have hated it so much if I actually found Janel to be an engaging character like Khirin, or even like Thurvishar, Tyentso, or Teraeth, but nope. Hell, I would have taken Senera or Brother Qown over Janel any day, as they were much more interesting side characters than Janel could ever hope to be. 

To me, Janel came across as the most generic crybaby who whined like a little bitch and pretended to be strong for the entire book when she was really just unintelligent, uninspired, and lacking in every way. Lyons tries very, very hard to tell you that Janel is amazing. She’s so cool, so strong, so authoritative, so different, omg. But no. 

Unlike book one, where we learn Khirin’s characteristics through trial and error and are able to deduce them for ourselves, Lyons switches methods completely in this book and just tells us over and over again that Janel is super awesome hoping that it will stick. 

It doesn’t. 

And on top of that, why do Khirin and her get together at the end? Why does Khirin give one inch of a damn about her?? He has no reason to. He’s known her for three goddamn days as that is the duration of THIS WHOLE BOOK. It’s completely out-of-character for Khirin and frustratingly nonsensical. It simply serves as another example of how Lyons is spoon-feeding us how cool Janel is when all it really does is make me never want to pick up the book again.

I can’t even really say anything about the plot. Which, it being 600 pages is pretty pathetic. Bottom line: Janel needs to kill a dragon. She needs a special spear to do it. She spends a vastly inordinate amount of time getting this spear and dicking around and then goes to kill the dragon. Oh, and Senera and Relos Var are killing people like normal and Relos Var betrays everyone again. 

That’s about it. That’s the whole book. 

Hopefully now you can see why I’m so vexed. There was no reason Lyons needed to take this much time and this length to tell Janel’s story. Quite honestly, a chapter or two would have sufficed for her background and then her and Khirin could have set off for their adventure. That’s it. That’s what should have happened. 

But it didn’t. It didn’t at all. And this poorly paced, poorly written, horribly executed sequel was the epitome of a disappointment. 

Recommendation: I don’t even know. Read The Ruin of Kings and pretend it’s a stand-alone novel. When the third book comes out, check Google Pages to make sure the whole thing isn’t a flashback of Janel Danorak and I might be interested. Huge emphasis on the might. This is why I stick to YA, people. 

Score: 3/10

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) (2002)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Short Story Collection (kinda), Horror, Fantasy, Metafiction, Mushroompunk (yeah), LGBT Protagonist, First Person, Second Person (sort of), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 8/10 

Date Began: 1/7/2020

Date Finished: 1/17/2020

This edition of City of Saints and Madmen is a collection of 4 short stories and a massive “appendiX” of other stories/notable worldbuilding pieces, all of which explore a fictional city called Ambergris. Ambergris’ world is not unlike our own, with technology that somewhat mirrors ours, but is nevertheless distinctly surreal and fantastical. One Ambergris’ most notable elements are creatures called the gray caps (or “mushroom dwellers”), who are basically humanoid mushroom people that play a role in each of the stories. 

More details and a look at each of the stories under the cut. 

Surely, after all, it is more comforting to believe that the sources on which this account is based are truthful, that this has not all, in fact, been one huge, monstrous lie? And with that pleasant thought, O Tourist, I take my leave for good. 

I’ve read VanderMeer before-- the Southern Reach trilogy (which he’s most well known for) is one of my favorite series of all time. While I haven’t seen it yet, the film Annihilation is loosely based on the first book, and I hear it’s quite good as well. This will be my first foray into other stuff he’s written.

While this may put some people off, one thing I really liked about this book was it DIDN’T paint a clear picture of Ambergris. Each of the stories focus on particular details their respective protagonists find important, so the view we have of the city is always incomplete. There are tenuous and sometimes contradictory connections between the stories that often made me wonder what’s true/real, a recurring theme throughout the stories. Several of the stories are works of fiction within Ambergris, which skews perceptions even further. To me, all of this made the setting much more interesting, and the actual revelations more rewarding.

My personal favorite stories were The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and The Cage. I’ll go into more detail on all the individual pieces under the cut, but rating them individually doesn’t much sense due to the weird format.

The Main 4 Stories 

Dradin, In Love 

An unsuccessful missionary priest named Dradin comes to Ambergris to plead assistance from a former mentor. However, when he spots an unknown woman through the window of a shop, he becomes convinced he is in love and becomes obsessed with her. As an event called the Festival of the Freshwater Squid looms, the city itself begins to change in startling ways. 

From what I can tell skimming other reviews, this one trips people up because Dradin is just... a piece of shit. He’s terrible. There are some sympathetic traits to him -- he’s a fish out of water with no one to help him, he had a traumatic childhood, etc. But the more you learn about him the worse he becomes. He believes he’s superior to pretty much everyone he meets, has committed various atrocities you gradually learn about in the story, and he believes he’s in love with someone he’s never met and spends a great deal of the story fantasizing about her and their future relationship. It’s pathetic-- but it seemed pretty clear to me I’m not supposed to like him, so I read the story knowing that. 

Anyway, this wasn’t my favorite, but it is an interesting introduction to Ambergris. It’s from the perspective of an outsider, so alongside Dradin you learn things about the city such as the various religious sects, the gray caps, and the Festival. It is jarring when the Festival starts out as this whimsical parade and then goes full Purge for the rest of the story. That feeling pretty much lasts the rest of the book. 

The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris 

The conceit of this one is that it’s a travel pamphlet written for tourists to provide a quick rundown of Ambergris’ early history. But the writer Duncan Shriek is so obsessed and passionate about the subject that he goes into way more detail than necessary. He also makes extensive use of the footnotes (often longer than the actual page) to (1) insult the reader, who he assumes is a stupid tourist who will skip them, (2) go on long rants about various other historians, and (3) go into intricate, intense detail or speculation about seemingly innocuous things in the main text. Honestly relatable. 

Personally, I love a good history text, so a well-done fictional one is lots of fun. The stylistic choices are engaging and a great characterization tool. The “story” really came together for me in the third act. Super eerie and surreal, and a lot of details about the gray caps and a vast underground kingdom-- but there’s still a sense of unreality, because the account exploring this may or may not be a fake. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. 

The Transformation of Martin Lake

This one is technically two stories at once. Martin Lake is an unknown painter looking to make his big break in Ambergris, when he receives an anonymous letter inviting him to a beheading. Alternating with these novel sections are excerpts written by art critic Janice Shriek (recognize the name?) which analyze the creepy and grotesque paintings made by Martin Lake-- Ambergris’ most famous artist. 

This piece was by far my favorite of the main four. Janice evaluates various paintings created by Lake and speculates on the meanings behind them. The Gothic horror story sections star Martin, and the events within reveal the true origins of each painting. The horror story is very creepy and well written, and I really like Martin more than most of the protagonists. It’s also amusing to see just how incorrect Janice’s analyses are. Overall this was a very well structured and entertaining read. (Side note: to whom it may concern, this is where the LGBT Protagonist tag comes from.)

Also, Janice and her brother are apparently the central characters in the next book? I enjoyed both of them so I'm excited for that.

The Strange Case of X

A psychiatrist interviews a mental patient known simply as X, who believes he has invented the world of Ambergris, and he’s actually from a place called Chicago. 

I'm torn on this one because I feel I accidentally ruined it for myself. The premise sounds like a pretty cliche setup, but there's a  twist at the end that keeps it interesting. The only problem is I went into the story assuming that twist was the case. It's not even like I guessed it or picked up on hints or whatever... I just assumed the twist for whatever reason, so I got to the reveal and was just like "...yeah?" 

Anyway, this one’s a good read, just not my favorite. X is obviously a fictionalized version of VanderMeer. I didn’t find him as important in the context of this story, but notes found in his cell make up the appendiX. I *did* really enjoy the story excerpt within this one that starts like a children’s book with very simple sentences, then slowly evolves into more complex language over time until it’s like the rest of the book. The swap between third and first-person in the story, then the narrator commending himself on how clever he is, was pretty funny and good characterization. 

The appendiX 

Dr V’s Note + X’s Notes 

Technically this is 2 “stories” but they’re presented together. Dr V’s note is just an outline of the stories in the appendiX, which are apparently various notes, pamphlets, writing journal excerpts, and pieces of paper he found in X’s cell. He speculates on the meaning behind some of them. It’s a handy reference that I turned back to a few times. X’s Notes are literally just some misc author’s notes/ideas. The final note, though, draws back to the surreal scene I mentioned from The Hoegbotton Guide, which implies it is in fact real. 

The Release of Belacqua 

This one is about an actor named Belacqua who’s been typecast into a specific role, which he plays every single day. One evening at his hotel room home, he gets a super weird phone call from a woman looking for someone named Henry. Based on what happens in the story, I’m guessing Belacqua was probably supposed to be a character in one of the stories but got scrapped, and this story is literally about scrapping him. It was kinda meh for me. 

King Squid 

No, I’m not transcribing the entire title of this one -- it’s, uh, quite long. This one is sort of like The Hoegbotton Guide, except it’s a biological treatise written by a man named Frederick Madnok about the King Squid, which is Ambergris’ main economic staple. Like The Hoegbotton Guide, the author goes into intricate detail on what he considers important and makes extensive use of footnotes. The thing is, Madnok is clearly going through a nervous breakdown as he writes, and the footnotes and tangents grow weirder over time, often delving into vague memories and details about his home life as a child. 

I think this one really shines when you get to the bibliography and notice it’s longer than the rest of the story and seems to list every single book Madnok has ever read. Personally I found a lot of the titles funny, but you could be forgiven for skipping them. However, certain titles have side notes, supposedly to point out notable things about them. Some of these, however, are disturbing and clearly unrelated to the title. Eventually, Madnok goes into a full breakdown and starts to describe himself transforming into a squid -- a phenomenon he described earlier in the text. His breakdown, juxtaposed with the absolutely immaculate formatting of the story, really made this one stand out to me. 

The Hoegbotton Family History

The Hoegbottons are a merchant family. Their company Hoegbotton & Sons is basically the Wal-Mart of Ambergris and is present through multiple stories. This text is interesting for some context for the next story, but not particularly notable on its own. V’s notes at the beginning say as much. 

The Cage

One of the early Hoegbottons visits a mansion which has been condemned after an attack by the gray caps to purchase the remaining assets to resell. Among the items he finds a strange, seemingly empty birdcage which he can’t stop obsessing over. 

This was my favorite story by a long shot. It was insanely creepy and surreal with the best visuals in the book. There are references everywhere to fungi and decay, and there’s something very odd going on with Hoegbotton’s blind wife that defies explanation. And obviously, the cage itself and what’s going on with it is very disturbing. Contains very very very good body horror which is apparently just A Thing for me. Of all the stories this one had the most Southern Reach-y vibe. 

In The Hours After Death 

This one describes what happens to a man after he dies, and it’s not quite what you think. It’s a short piece and I liked the writing; very melancholy and surreal. It’s one of those stories that just incidentally takes place in Ambergris, but would be a good story outside of it, too. Until the end, that is, which ties it back to the gray caps in another creepy way. Thanks. 

The Man Who Had No Eyes 

This one is notable because apparently, in the original release, it was written entirely in code. You had to use page numbers, paragraph numbers, and lines in the rest of the book to decode it. Because this edition is an updated re-release which shifted the pages and format around, it doesn’t work anymore. Instead Dr. V provides a decoded version. However, some of the words are wrong, and the final paragraph is still in code (supposedly because V was afraid to keep going). I had to look up the story online to get the full picture. 

Anyway, I suspect this story is foreshadowing for stuff that’s going to happen in future installments. It describes the gray caps taking the city back over and flooding it, and how they mutilate a writer living in the city so he has to find alternative ways to keep writing. It mentions the goddamn cage again. It’s kind of fever-dream creepy. 

The Exchange 

Depicts a short story about the Festival of the Freshwater Squid (remember that?). Apparently this story is provided by Hoegbotton & Sons for people who purchase a safe house to avoid getting straight-up murdered during the Festival. The story itself is entertaining and has a great twist at the end, but what’s interesting is someone’s made extensive annotations to the piece describing the fallout between the author and illustrator. I found it most fun to read the base story, then go back and read the annotations-- it felt like I was seeing the same story from very different perspectives. 

Learning to Leave the Flesh 

This one’s referenced in The Strange Case of X. Unlike every other story, this actually doesn’t take place in Ambergris, but our world. However, like The Strange Case of X mentions, details and names from Ambergris seemingly appeared in the story even though he had no recollection of putting them there. 

Honestly, it’s an OK work of fiction but was probably my least favorite. Mostly it felt like lengthy flavor text for a story I’d already read. The ending was pretty good, though. 

The Ambergris Glossary + A Note on Fonts  

Putting these two together. The Glossary actually answered a lot of questions I had and clarified some events from the various stories. (”What the fuck is with the Living Saints. What the absolute fuck-- oh.”) It’s implied that some of the entries are written by Duncan Shriek. Hi, again. 

A Note on Fonts describes the various fonts from different stories as if it’s a wine tasting, which was hilarious. 

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2018 Anime Overview: Planet With

What a strange, unexpected little gem this show is.

Planet With follows an amnesiac young boy named Soya Kuroi who lives with strange roommates- an upbeat but mysterious girl named Ginko and giant cat monster ...thing. One day, a strange alien spaceship arrives where Soya lives and a squad of superheroes valiantly battle to protect the town from this threat. Ginko shows up and tells Soya he needs to jump in this giant cat robot and fight. No, not fight the invading aliens. He has to fight the superheroes.

Planet With starts out being jam-packed with plot and unabashedly weird and stays that way. The show moves at an absolutely breakneck pace. It stuffs 50 episodes worth of robot anime into twelve, and contains like three different climactic battles. There’s even a time skip. But the weird thing is...it works. Planet With is downright inspirational in its storytelling efficiency. It packs in so many characters and SO much happens, yet somehow it manages to use its time wisely enough that I ended up caring about pretty much all of its many characters and their development felt natural rather than forced. And despite the intensity and volume of events, the plot remained coherent and entertaining. 

There were a couple parts that did feel rushed, and since it was so much at once I feel like I need to rewatch to fully grasp the series, but most of all, I’m impressed by the way this show somehow distilled The Full Wacky Space Battle Anime Experience (tm) into a short time frame. And the animation is good! It is bold and action packed and works well for the show. 

And the quickness of how Planet With handled things made it downright refreshing (and hilarious) at times. I’ll give an example: Soya’s civilian friend (and obvious love interest), Nozomi, catches on extremely quickly to the fact he’s doing robot battles, basically guesses his entire backstory based off his weird behavior and just as quickly starts questioning him about it. Soya’s reaction to this is to freak out and run away- at which point Nozomi football tackles him and basically yells “NO ITS OKAY YOU CAN TRUST ME!” and he quickly gives in, explains his weird situation to her, and is like “uh. so. not sure if that sounds at all believable but. you asked.”

Not only is the honest communication nice to see, not only does it genuinely sell that Nozomi s the smart cookie the narrative has set her up to be, but its charming as hell and feels so natural to who these characters are. The fact Soya’s first reaction to being exposed is to just stammer and BOLT DOWN THE STREET reminds you that, yes, this is a teenager, and Nozomi’s refusal to let him get away and how she throws all dignity out the window to make her point is just....it gives me so much affection for them both. They’re kids and they’re ridiculous and I love them. Having Nozomi let in the loop so quickly is refreshing, it makes their relationship feel genuinely trusting and equal, there’s just a lot going on in just that one scene that I love.

Let’s talk about character a little more, because Planet With has a very vibrant cast. Soya comes off as a typical hotheaded shonen protagonist, and well, he is, but as you learn more about him and the situation he’s facing, you realize he’s trying his best to cope with some huge stuff. He has a good arc and matures a lot. What especially struck me is this moment where Soya realizes he has no reason to fight anymore, he’s just a kid who’s not involved, he shouldn’t be asked to do this, and though he’s been channeling his grief into fighting, he just can’t anymore, he’s tired and overwhelmed and sad. It’s nice to see the show touching on how unfair it is to ask a child to fight, and actually having the other characters react to this with understanding rather than trying to force him to continue is....really nice to see.

Each character has their own fears and insecurity to grapple with,which is especially apparent in the scenes where the spaceship messes with their minds and gives them the dream world they desire- a couple of those scenes are genuinely heartbreaking and striking.

Even the antagonists are given layers and its shown why they think what they’re doing is right. The show centers thematically on how to suppress and respond to violence and it explores various sides of that debate. Can humanity be trusted with power? Is extreme pacifism or extreme force the way to deal with problems? What is the value of revenge? Is freedom or safety more important? Can we forgive and move past horrible wrongs? You may not end up agreeing with the show’s conclusion on all this, but the fact it confronts these questions so directly and really gives them some thought is nice. You can see WHY this is a conflict, and where both sides are coming from.

The show also has a pretty good-sized and solid cast of female characters and doesn’t treat them like garbage! it actually gives a lot of them solid arcs where they develop and go through all kinds of different emotions, always a plus! 

Ginko may give a slight impression of being a airhead catgirlmaid cliche at first, but she soon shows herself to have wisdom and depth- her role in the narrative was one of the most pleasant surprises. She was way more involved in the fight than I thought she’d be and the found family she formed with Soya is one of the sweetest things about the show. 

Nozomi’s character development is largely tied up in her relationship to Soya, so I kinda wish she had stuff going on besides being his supporter, but I do adore how she was treated with respect by the narrative, bought in on things as a civilian, and how brave and smart and loyal she is. She’s inspiring to Soya with her kindness and inspiring in general. And their relationship is genuinely sweet.

There’s an entire mini-arc focusing on the bond between two of the superhero girls- Miu and Harumi- and it is very dramatic and very gay and very about ladies inspiring and connecting with and saving each other, y’know, all the stuff i’m here for. We also had Benika, a badass lady is a suit (always gets a thumbs up from me) who had her own arc, and a woman who was on the semi-antagonist side. The women are all treated as competent and capable in combat. 

The show is relatively mild on fanservice for a shonen-mech show and doesn’t get too gross or over-the top- probably the most noticeable scene is a conversation in a hot-tub, and even that doesn’t have ridiculous camera angles or anything. Mostly anything fanservice-y is goofy and tongue in cheek, rather than humiliating or non-consensual. The show actually has the honor of containing the only anime boob joke that’s actually made me laugh in recent memory (the over-the-top narration was on point). (There is one questionable element to warn for, namely an adult{?) woman briefly disguises herself as a high schooler and acts pretty flirtatiously with minors- thankfully it doesn’t go too far, but its something to watch out for.)

Planet With’s sense of humor and fun is just great in general. It deals with some serious and emotional topics, but never loses that whimsical, weird edge. It was clear from the beginning, when the super-threatening alien spaceship was some weird happy bear thing marked “peas”, that the show had a wonderfully bizarre and goofy atmosphere and it never loses that. Soya being endlessly foiled in his quest to eat some meat, the bizarre anthropomorphic animals, our heroes aggressively meowing as a battle cry- the show is so unapologetic in its weirdness and not afraid to embrace all the wonderful, colorful silliness inherent in its genre. 

Basically, if you like giant-robot shows or action shows or even weird cat and dog monsters, I really recommend this show. Its a fast-paced wild ride full of fun characters and colorful storytelling. It’s occasionally cheesy, often bizarre, a little dizzying and sometimes genuinely emotional- but it’s always an experience and I had a good time watching it.

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X11 - Coming Home

Will Pan take over Storybrooke and turn it into PAN-archy?!

...I’m gonna miss this arc for more than PUN reason!

Anyways, let’s close out the fun and talk about feels and semi-smart things under the cut!

Press Release

In the Winter Finale episode, the race is on to stop Pan from enacting another curse on the residents of Storybrooke, which could kill every living soul in town.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

So this segment is made of mini segments, so I’m gonna give mini reviews for all of them!

Snow and Charming: Blue, for all of her asshole-y beauraucracy, can be so vague and platitude-y when she wants to be. It’s not too bad here. BUT just like David’s speech in that same scene, it’s kind of the point that it’s vague, but comforting all the same. David’s was definitely the better of the two speeches.

Killian, Smee, and Tink: Okay, so now we’re given a LOT more info on Killian’s stay in Neverland. It looks like he wanted to leave Neverland as soon his interactions with Bae were done. I wonder when he decided to incorporate the Dreamshade though. BUT, in terms of the snippet itself, it’s pretty serviceable as a “look how far we’ve come” counterpart for both Killian and Tink. They’re both mean enough and hopeless enough.

Henry and Mary Margaret: ...First off, I love how Henry gets out of explaining anything about his homework! XD Second and more seriously, I think that this was the most necessary of the segments. It comes back and shows a starting point for Henry, the catalyst for so many characters on the show. I ADORE Emma and love her as the Savior, but I do think that at times, Henry was more of this turning point for characters and seeing where he took off was so important.

Rumple and Belle: “My ending shall not be a happy one.” I didn’t like this line. Literally, the entire reason Rumple cast this curse was to find Bae and make his ending a happy one. And it’s not like Rumple ever lost faith in that happening, so what the hell? Like, this line was just a weird character contradiction (Different than a plot hole) and it makes the scene threaten to fall apart.

Emma’s Pregnancy: I loved the revisiting of this scene and its post-memory change revision. It’s so heartbreaking to see Emma believe that she can’t take care of Henry, but also beautiful that she wants to give him his best chance, no matter what.

Present

Tink’s take down of Pan’s shadow is so satisfying! The music that accompanies it and everyone believing in her is just beautiful! It’s also the only time where flying is truly framed as whimsical without something darker being below the surface and that’s something desperately needed in this pretty freakin’ dark episode.

Pan is fucking brutal. From his speech about how much of a leech he saw Rumple as to the cuff to “down boy,” he proves himself more here than anywhere else to not only be a psychological monster, but a full-on monster. His strip down of Rumple in their scene at the shop is horrifying, especially given that this is RUMPLE! Rumple, the biggest threat in the series until Pan, was left sniveling in a corner at the end of the scene.

Rumple’s the big dog in this episode. It’s his moment that’s given the most gravitas and serves as what amounts to the climax of the story (And at little over the halfway mark at that) and for good reason. His arrival at the conclusion of what has to happen in order to save everyone was ingeniously reached. I have a lot more to say about that, so we’ll get to it when we talk about arcs.

So, here’s something I want to point out about Rumple’s big scene -- something that harkens back to why I often make a point of saying “fuck plot holes:” From a plot and story perspective, it makes no fucking sense. Why could only the dagger kill Pan? Why did Rumple have to die for Pan to have to die? This shit is never explained. But here’s the thing and why it and the larger aspect of plot holes matter so little to me: IT DOESN’T MATTER. The important thing about this scene is the climax of Rumple’s emotional journey -- Rumple “definitively” choosing love over power. It’s a point of emotional culmination and as it stands, it’s one of the most powerful scenes in the entire show! Rumple stops being cryptic and communicates to those he loves about what has to happen. It’s a big display and it hits its mark perfectly!

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Okay, so weird contradiction in the press release. Pan says he’s not gonna kill everyone, but the press release says he will.

-“The Black Fairy’s wand.” I wonder, did Tinkerbell know they were related? Like, as soon as Rumple talks, Tink knows exactly what he needs.

-”I should pay my respect to Blue, after all.” Tink, honey. You are too pure.

-Dude...those freakin’ unicorns! They’re so cute, but also...OW because of all of the shit that went down with Maleficent!

-”It’s not a weapon...in the traditional sense.” Damn. That line hits hard given Killian’s alcoholism.

-”Is that the best you’ve got?” Killian, you cannot say that with such an adorable smile and not make me love you even harder!

-David! Saving his bro!!! Yasss!

-I love the adorable way Tink just plops the Shadow into the fire! It almost looks like an accident and it’s so cute! XD

-”It was for Emma.” So I’m not sure if I like this line because Killian’s crush on Emma is so freakin’ obvious OR if I’m critical because Tink hasn’t really seen Killian and Emma crushing on each other all that much.

-”I might have been overly strict.” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE MILLENIUM!

-Okay, Blue is such a bitch, but I like how she entrusts Fiona’s wand to the one person who will be super discerning over Rumple’s actions.

-”I haven’t forgotten about all that, by the way.” Dude, if Pan’s curse was never cast, then these guys should’ve gotten group therapy. Archie would’ve been rich af!

-”Unfinished family business.” *Underworld flashbacks ensue*

-*Henry puts away a family tree worksheet* ...You’re gonna need a bigger worksheet, Henry. XD

-I have a LOT of Regal Believer headcanons concerning how Henry became so unhappy prior to Season 1.

-”And what exactly do you think fairytales are?” THIS and the words that follow serve as what Jefferson’s speech to Emma in “Hat Trick should’ve been. A bit desperate, but actually communicating humanity rather than being an asshole-y smart aleck that has more in common with Sherlock than a father.

-”I’ve got his scent.” Good move using Granny for tracking!

-”That’s why is so easy for you to strut around and pose now, isn’t it?” Bitch, please. Rumple was strutting around and posing long before you had that cuff on! It’s his thing!

-”Pulling away my name.” BITCH! You gave him that shitty ass name!

-Rumple! Cut off your hand! Then you and Killian can be besties!

-What the fuck was up with that weird coma Regina had?

-Aww. Killian’s standing by himself. :(

-”The only way for you to die is if we BOTH die!” Why?

-”Do we need to start preparing our souls, ‘cause mine’s gonna take some time?” I’m stuck between raising an eyebrow at Killian’s quip when Rumple just fucking died and laughing out loud because it’s a really funny quip. XD

-I love that Neal/Henry hug!

-The memories line didn’t make any sense. Everyone remembered what happened to Pan on the Enchanted Forest side and Emma and Henry had their memories altered. So what was the point of this section?

-And the last goodbye is from Snow! Awww!!!

-Tbh, that opening shot of New York City is the least appealing shot of the city that I’ve ever seen.

-Damn, Emma. You get to wake up at 8:15 for work. I envy that.

-And the modern music has returned! And it cuts out right as Killian appears!

-Emma’s got such cute PJ’s!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - Our story concludes today! The pacing for this arc was just marvelous. I hate when people disparage the arc as being boring because holy hell, it isn’t! Every bit of this arc grew on itself in some way. Even episodes like “Good Form” and “Ariel,” which weren’t heavy in terms of plot progression were in terms of character growth. This arc was so nicely balanced and well handled, carefully put together like the lace of a wedding veil.

Emma Accepting Her Parents - “I like the unicorns.” Emma just says that line with not a hint of sarcasm, bitterness, or insincerity and it’s just beautiful! The scene that comes from this line is utterly beautiful and shows just how close Emma and Snow have gotten. They think about the same things in regards to their children. They’re able to bond without walls in the way. And then...of course, there’s the goodbye. It’s so heartbreaking that Emma fully accepts her parents, but is forced apart from them. Watching Emma try to cling to that hope of keeping them close is so brutal and sad.

Rumple’s Redemption - There is so much to say and so much to discuss -- a lot of it i already have -- but as of right now, I think that this was the strongest writing put forth for Rumple’s redemption arc. The buildup of not only seasons 1 and 2, but also an arc that was so largely Rumple-centric and heavy had this fantastic build of momentum that made the payoff of his sacrifice the powerful moment that it was. And look, I like the Rumple stuff that comes after...to varying degrees, but I wanted this rewatch to allow for more emotional honesty from myself and yeah...this was the pinnacle. Should he have remained dead? I’d probably say yes for the character and no for the series. Rumple was brought back for a reason and that’s because his character is ingrained on the series. He (Among others) make Once Upon a Time what it is and I don’t fault anyone for bringing him back and even writing his decline. I wish they were just a little more careful with it because of the strength of this moment.

Killian’s Redemption - “There’s only two things I’d risk my life for: love and revenge.” Killian’s redemption didn’t get a ton of focus here, but I do appreciate what it got. While I found it a little weird that Tink connected Killian’s brave act solely to Emma when she hasn’t seen them flirt all that much, I was willing to forgive it because the action was really cool.

Henry Wanting to Be a Hero - ”Your happy ending may not be what you expect.” This line is so important as it pertains to Henry. Knowing where his story ends and what he hoped to make of it, I feel like it was so nicely put as to give this storyline a bit of prominence, especially since his happy ending at the end of this episode arguably changes the most out of anyone else’s due to the memory change.

Regina’s Redemption - “Will you be okay?” “You will be.” Literally everything Regina does is so redemptive here! Her apology to Henry is the first big thing. She stops his doubts about whether or not he really did the right thing by telling him straight up that this was her fault and that is so important to her redemption. “You’re not a villain. You’re my mom.” This line also freakin’ gutted me. Regina’s progress this season from a thin-iced redeeming villain to someone with a role to play on the team and someone who can strongly bond with everyone was fantastic.

Favorite Dynamic

Rumple and Pan. Pan is a reflection of Rumple and one line tipped me off to this. ”Pwotect your wuved ones.” In season 1, very similar lines came out of Rumple’s mouth. Pan is a Rumple without love and this episode really highlights why. Look at Pan’s verbal takedown of him at the shop. Rumple is a harsh character. He’s beaten people up, extorted, murdered, and kidnapped. But no moment from him has been shot so brutally as Pan’s takedown of him. He cuts Rumple down to the bone with his words -- words so harsh and that fly into the face of the “best chance” sentiment even before Cora did! Like, that scene would be enough to justify these two as having the best dynamic, but then we get to the town line scene where the idea that Pan is a Rumple without love is further shown. Pan, like Cora, didn’t expect for Rumple to pose a challenge to him while backed by love, but he does. He stands up and moves past his desires for his life and loopholes in order to save Neal and Belle. And Pan, even to his death, doesn’t get it.

Writer

A&E close out our half season and fuck me, it’s perfect. The name of the game in this episode is payoff. It’s character payoff. It’s story payoff. It’s emotional payoff. And it’s all handled flawlessly. For a while, I wasn’t sure whether or not I liked the past segments, but as “look how far we’ve come glimpses” and by extension, part of the payoff, they work fantastically.

Culture

There’s a lot to reflect on when it comes to the cultural impact of this episode. Two big points come to mind for me: How this episode could conceivably be a series finale in a lot of way and Pan. I have a great deal to say on why I think Pan was such an amazing villain, so I’m actually going to make that its own post, so I’ll touch on my former point here.

This episode is considered by many to have been able to stand as a series finale, and to tell you the truth, I can see it. Everyone’s arcs are completed in completely satisfying ways. The destruction of Storybrooke is brutal but in the most jaw-dropping and beautiful way. Save for the literal last minute of the episode, one could have seen this as an ending to the show proper.

Now, what does that mean for me? Well, the last time around, I wasn’t paying as close attention to that aspect of my feelings, but this time, I felt it more. In fact, I felt it a LOT. And for as much as I love Seasons 3B-7, I feel weird jumping off of this episode onto the next. Maybe it’s the knowledge that there is admittedly a bit more of a decline in quality going forward (Albeit to varying degrees) or maybe I just like how a lot of the characters’ stories ended here, but I feel so weird knowing that there’s more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to hit up the Zelena arc, the Frozen Arc, and more, but this episode was so good and so...final. Like Pan, I don’t want to grow up.

Rating

Golden Apple. That wasn’t an episode. That was a masterpiece. This is honestly probably OUAT’s best work. I felt my soul go on a journey while watching it and it now ranks as one of my all-time favorites. Moments like “Coming Home” are what rewatches are for. I’ve never fallen out of love with the series, but seeing it is like renewing my vows. It’s emotional in all the best ways, it’s sincere in all the best ways, the character work is fulfilling, and the story leaves most with something to do. I’m so glad I watched it again.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Snowing - No one rocks platitudes like David does! His speech to Snow about unexpected turns is just beautiful, romantic, and just lovely!

Tink/Killian - There is some crazy sexual tension between these two! The way they whisper their words and practically dance around the jungle with Tink’s knife at Killian’s throat and then sip the rum together.

Swan Queen - Emma/Regina/Henry hugs never cease to make me smile! They’re so cute! Also, literally the first thing Regina says after waking from her weird coma was “Emma.” And dudes, Regina’s decision to give them new memories...that’s...that’s fucking beautiful. HOW WAS THERE NOT A HUG FOLLOWING THAT, AT THE VERY LEAST?

Rumbelle - Am I allowed to just put the entire middle of the episode here? Belle made him stronger and Rumple’s goodbye and gratitude for that is one of his most earnest and kindest moments in the entire series. It’s so genuine and beautiful. And Belle’s reaction as Rumple dies is heartbreaking. I know its a point of contention that no one goes to comfort her, but I think that it works just as a display of isolation and how gutted she feels from Rumple’s loss. Rumple was her future (Or at least a part of it) and now that future is no more. That hopelessness was more effective by being untouched. Anyway, Emiliee pulls off that crying scene flawlessly!

Captain Swan - “Good.” In that one little word, there’s that longing for a possible future that, as far as they know, they’ll never be able to explore. Also, I love in this sea of tears and sadness, Killian’s able to lighten her spirits, this time in a more tactful way than the “prepare our souls” moment from earlier.

Swan Fire - Neal’s goodbye to Emma and faith that they’ll meet again was just so nice and beautiful!

-----

Sorry. I tried to get in four reviews this week, but “Coming Home” had so much meat to it that I just couldn’t. Hell, I still don’t think I covered everything that I wanted to, but at least I still have the Pan post which should come out tomorrow. Going forward, I will try for the four reviews at some point, but in all likelihood, what’s going to happen is that I’ll just post three reviews on the week of the finale or the week before.

In any event, thank you for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales. Love you all!!!

Season 3 Total (106/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (29/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (27/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (20/40) Robert Hull (20/40) Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (20/30)

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives

[pomegranate-belle]

11 Questions

Tagged by: @zeesqueere, thank you, and sorry this took me so long!

Tagging: @rawkhawkjock, @chessanator, @teashadephoenix, @returnsandreturns, if you guys want — and anybody else who wants to answer these!

1. How long have you been writing?

Uhhh since I was literate probably lmao — I was a very angry, repressed lil bby that got picked on a lot and my Kindergarten teacher nudged me towards expressing myself via the written word rather than with what little violence I could accomplish as a tiny six year old. And that, as they say, is history.

2. What are the major themes of your current wip(s)?

Courting the Sun-Dancer(?) (aka the one abt Alma and Navata): Regaining identity, cultural exchange, choice over fate, courage, loyalty, and the responsibilities of ruling

The still untitled story about Algernon and Tyderias: Homecoming, revenge, what it means to be alive, accepting your talents, learning to love others as they are, sacrifice, and true love

3. What do you want people to take away from your story once they’ve read it?

I don’t know, hope, I guess? It’s not the reason I’m writing them or even the point behind the plots but I wish I’d had stories like this (read: Not Straight Ones) growing up. Mostly I just want people to enjoy reading the things I write.

4. Would you be excited if people write fanfiction about your wip(s)?

I’d be honestly startled given the lack of information to work from right now lol, but I’m super jazzed any time something I write spurs other people to create. :)

5. What’s your go-to writing beverage?

I don’t think I have one but I will say I really had a productive night that one time I went out and drank like three vodka lemonades while working on a character, lmao

6. Who is your favorite oc? Tell me about them!

Ooh, playing favorites is mean... But yeah ok it’s definitely Mauve Sebella (incidentally, she’s also the character from the previous answer—)

She’s gone through about three different iterations as I tried to find a story for her. At first, she was a main character and much more whimsical — a burglar looked after by the remnants of her mother’s iron-smuggling operation. So she was kind of this happy-go-lucky gentleman thief type character with One Million Dads. The plot of that story fizzled out pretty quickly, and I set her aside for a while, but eventually I found use for a character with her specific powers so I dusted her off and gave her an unhappier backstory and an attitude adjustment.

As she stands now, there was no one decent to look after her and keep her safe after her mom died, so she was in a bad situation where everyone was either trying to murder her or use her powers for their own gain. She ended up as a child soldier due to her “magic-eating” eye and became the most infamous assassin on the continent. It’s the perfect conceit for the world she’s in because it means she travels a lot and I can use her as a side character in almost any story set in that world.

7. Do you feel that mistakes are important learning tools in the writing journey?

I guess? I don’t really think about things like that, lol

8. Rank your ocs by their capability in a footchase (either running after or from smth, your choice)

Navata is dead last for the obvious reason that she spends 90% of her time on land in a wheelchair. Then Charles DeWitte, then his younger sister Lucille, then Algernon Parson, then Alma, then Tyderias, then Mauve. Prince Balthazar is the fastest because he’s A Literal Werewolf and his running stamina is totally wild.

9. Does your wip have romance? tell me about it!! if not tell me about a friendship/important relationship in your wip!!

So many romances. So many.

Algernon/Tyderias: my Fake Married boys!! They’re a little suspicious of each other at first, but get over it pretty quickly. Algernon is a natural caretaker and he has an instinct to protect Ty pretty much from the beginning. Ty, who’s a bit jaded from, you know, being an exiled prince and unable to stop his father’s killers from taking over his kingdom, is intrigued by Algernon since he’s just a genuinely good person. Both of them are hiding parts of themselves at the beginning and it causes trouble when the truth comes out, but they pull together when it counts. They take interest in each other’s hobbies and it leads to some self-discovery along the way. Both of them try very hard not to fall love while they have to pretend to be married but uh, it does not work at all.

Alma/Navata: These two are definitely an “opposites attract” couple! Navata is a queen who cares more about being approachable than being unquestionable. She has chronic pain that limits her ability to do things, but she’s fun-loving and doesn’t let her limitations discourage her. She’s a terrible artist and not really what anyone would call graceful even if she’s beautiful. By contrast, Alma is closed off with a solemn, cold image that discourages people from disrespecting her. She looks tougher than Navata, with lots of scars, but she’s much more elegant. They’ve each given things up for the sake of their position, but together they are able to recapture parts of themselves that have fallen by the wayside. They learn about one another’s cultures as Alma competes in suitor trials to win Navata’s hand.

Balthazar/Charles: These two are the original romance plot from the world Alma, Navata, and Mauve are from. Their story is on the back-burner right now but I still love them. Bal is rough around the edges but kind and earnest. Charles is kind of a flirt and he’s good at being charming; he’s knowledgeable, but he can also be a little naive, especially when it comes to his own family. Charles and Bal are childhood best friends who have been nursing crushes on each other for years and years. They share pretty much everything with each other — for example, even though Charles is very close with his sisters, it’s Bal he goes to first when something’s troubling him. And Bal is very protective of Charles, because he knows Charles’ dad treats him badly. However, Bal is unwillingly betrothed to Charles’ younger sister, Lucille. He plans to fight it and express his feelings to Charles, but his plan gets derailed when, during Bal’s coronation ball, Charles is hit with a curse that freezes him in ice. Bal spends the next five years doing everything he can to break the curse while the ice slowly overtakes his castle.

10. Do you believe in the advice kill your darlings?

Umm probably not?

I think needlessly making your characters suffer is just an exercise in sadism, lol, but I do think you’ll get a bad story if you helicopter parent as well and don’t let your characters make mistakes and suffer consequences.

As for “killing your darlings” in terms of getting rid of scenes or plot lines that you love... I think it’s stupid. If you remove the parts of your story that make you happy just so it will be nebulously “better”, aren’t you destroying what makes it yours instead of just some stupid formulaic “best seller”? I don’t know, that’s just how I feel about it.

11. Do you prefer plotting or worldbuilding? Why?

Plotting, definitely. Worldbuilding can be fun when it comes easy but other times you’re staring at a blank page trying to come up with fantasy names or mindlessly researching which fruits grow in what climate and you just want to stab yourself with a pencil. Don’t even get me started on dealing with how to represent different languages without having to actually Tolkien it and spend fifty years fucking inventing them. I’m not a linguist, dammit, I’m an author.

[style-beat-webzine]

The Most Fashion Forward Rolling Stone

Hello and welcome to Michelle Likes to Rock & Roll: Here’s a fun fact right off the bat about myself just because I like you guys so much. I was born the same day as Brian Jones, who is the founding member of a little band you might’ve heard of called, the Rolling Stones. I guess it’s no surprise then that Mr. Jones is one of my fashion muses. My thought and despite popular opinion (*cough*Mick Jagger*cough*), Brian Jones is the most fashionable one of the Stones.

I just recently watched a documentary that Brian Jones was featured in, called 27: Gone Too Soon. It’s on Netflix if you’re interested in watching it, and his part starts at 13:55. I took a few screenshots from the documentary that showcased his outfits and wrote down a few quotes that I thought were important. Author and Journalist Paul Trynka said that “Brian Jones was really a bad boy right from the start, it’s often said that Andrew Oldham invented the kind of bad boy mystique of the Stones, it wasn’t, it was Brian Jones.” Brian was the true image of the Rolling Stones.

Trynka later went on to describe that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards learned how to be who their personas are now from Brian Jones, he said “it was almost like they picked the best bits of Brian and then tapped into them.” And he’s not wrong, Keith even went as far as stealing Brian’s girlfriend Anita Pallenberg who was a model and “It Girl” of the 60s and 70s from him and then started wearing clothes like Brian all while Brian was still alive.

Before Keith took Anita from Brian (talk about drama) Anita and Brian were known as style icons here are a few pictures of them taken from the documentary 27: Gone Too Soon.

I’m a huge fan of mixing prints and Brian Jones did a spectacular job at doing just that. I believe your style is an extension of your personality, and I think mixing prints shows that you have a bold side to you, whether you believe it or not. It shows character without words don’t you just love that?! I do! Here are some of my favorite outfits Brian Jones has worn, and why I love them so much.   

This one is my absolute favorite picture of Brian Jones, the flower embellishments on his brown jacket, with the rust color lapels, and those dark forest green corduroy pants, makes this such a dreamy outfit. The word whimsical comes to mind when I look at this outfit.

This next one is another favorite, the boldness of the polk dot button-down shirt underneath a striped blazer with what could be corduroy pants, or striped. It’s so hard to tell in black and white, but if those are striped, by the gods this man is super edgy rocking stripes on stripes. Thats a fashion statement I can get behind.

Love, love, love this combination for an outfit. The texture on the off white shirt with the wide collar, and that scarf-tie, check out those colors popping off those yellow pants. Seriously, this man knew how to put an outfit together.

Check out this eclectic mix of threads, I think the floral dress shirt with the plaid pants, are some of his most simple yet audacious outfits and convey a creative message. He was the driving creative force when it came to creating music. His outfits didn’t fall short of that creating magic.

Last, and certainly not least there’s this simple, but effective outfit were he play with color with the red pants and blue shoes. And if you feel like you’ve caught the Brain Jones fashion bug, just google image search Brian Jones, that’s where I got most of these pictures, and there’s more where they came from.

Until next time…may your music always be loud, and your story always be interesting. 

xoxo M 

[picturesinlove]

THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT: a *super* unoriginal ‘best films of 2017′ list

In life, we’re constantly asked what we learnt from things. It’s one way of measuring a completely immeasurable experience. Most films are built on this- ’character arcs’- how do they change and grow? What do they learn? (That’s not a negative thing, just the mechanics of this stick out when it’s done badly). With that in mind, I asked myself, from everything I watched this year, what did I learn?

THE BEST 12 ‘FILMS’ of 2017:

The first thing I learnt- films and TV series have become indistinguishable. It didn’t happen solely this year, but 2017 is definitely the ‘flag in the road’ point. Films are increasingly designed so they can be watched on a small screen with headphones, and most TV should really be watched on a big screen with proper speakers. And TV is sort of the wrong word. Netflix isn’t TV. I don’t know what it is. Just Long Form Storytelling perhaps? It’s certainly becoming less and less episodic. More and more feel like 10 hour films split into 10 parts so you can digest it better. So, this list is really the best 12 *things* of 2017.

The second thing I learnt- how you watch something is almost as important as what you’re watching. What headspace you were in, what time of day it was, if the room was totally dark, if someone a few rows in front of you was talking through the movie, if you’d seen the previous instalments in the series, hell- even if you’d seen the trailer. It all adds to how you think about the film. So, on the list, I’ve included where I saw it.

12. THE DISASTER ARTIST (directed by James Franco)

True story about the making of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, the best worst film ever made.

I cried like I haven’t cried in years watching this. I don’t know what it was. Just something about the last act hit me so hard I couldn’t contain myself. And when you’re trying to contain yourself BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A SAD FILM AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE CRYING EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU IS LAUGHING PLEASE STOP CRYING it’s really hard to stop. It’s a story of ambition, heart and following your dreams no matter what.

Green screen! Lovely green screeeeen! Purely on an aesthetic level, whenever they’re shooting against that unmistakable, vibrant colour I just loved it.

You know when films do that thing and show pictures of the real people the film’s about before the credits so you can go ‘wow this film’s so accurate and got that detail right’?? This does a version of that, and it’s the only one that’s ever mattered/will ever matter.

The real Tommy Wiseau also has my favourite film related tweet of 2017:

Seen at BFI Southbank.

11. ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK SEASON 5 (created by Jenji Kohan)

The lives of the women at Litchfield Penitentiary, a minimum-security prison in upstate New York. (the annimalllsss the animalllls, TRAP TRAP TRAP till the cage is fulllll...)

This show is about everything the opening titles suggest- women, decisions and time. What’s striking about OITNB is the characters never serve the plot. Plot *is* character. It’s there to serve them. It gives us a framework to waste time with these characters, because ‘all they’ve got is time’.

Season 5 is brave in terms of content and form. There are thousands of people more qualified to speak about the content, so I’ll leave it to them. Form wise: Orange is the New Black is Netflix’s most watched show, and probably it’s major tentpole along with Stranger Things. It has a well-oiled structure. Each season takes place over a few weeks, each episode focusses us in on one character, complete with flashbacks that inform us how they ended up in prison. Season 5 tears that to shreds, setting it basically in real time over 3 days. When it works, it *really* works. There’s no looking away. You feel the grind of what they’re going through. It sometimes leaves them too much time to pad out and we get some boring side plots- but on ambition alone I loved it.

It’s the perfect continuation and accumulation of previous seasons in many ways. The characters you know and love are in extraordinary circumstances. It brings out sides to their personalities that you never knew were there, but fit perfectly. Where all the characters are situated within the prison after the inciting incident is the best use of character geography *as* character I’ve ever seen. Tonally the series has gradually been getting nastier and nastier for a while, but there’s a scene towards the end of this season which is so nasty and so long and REFUSES to cut away even though you desperately, desperately want them too. It’s raw. It hurts. It’s a scene the show has always been heading for tonally and building towards dramatically. 

Season 5 slots in just under 4 for me in terms of ranking them all- but it’s still damn good. One things for certain, 5 changed everything for OITNB. The game is different. 

Oh, and Nicky’s the MVP. 

Netflix.

10. BAD GENIUS (directed by Nattawut Poonpiriya)

Thai Heist-Thriller. A genius high school student makes money after developing elaborate methods to help other students cheat.

WHAT A FUCKING RIDE!! The most fun I’ve had in a cinema all year. More stakes in this than most ‘end of the world’ superhero movies. Genuinely unpredictable.

The filmmaking is so good it makes you forget plausibility is sometimes being pushed. Amazing set-pieces. Expertly choreographed. Form and content perfectly married. This is the best way to tell this story, like a Michael Mann thriller, a Steven Soderbergh Oceans-style heist.

Every character is so rich and textured in their own way. So fully realised. You’ve met them all at some point in your life. It’s whimsical, but painful and genuinely emotional when it needs to be. Never pulls it’s punches.

2 years time, there will almost certainly be an American remake… and it’ll suck so hard. It’s rooted in Thailand, the socio-economic situation of people, the time zones, the pressure to succeed, and honestly- just hearing it in Thai. 

SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM. If you take anything from reading any of this, SEE THIS FILM.

Seen at Vue Leicester Square.

9. NATHAN FOR YOU: FINDING FRANCES (directed by Nathan Fielder)

The feature-length finale of Nathan For You’s 4th season. It’s a show that’s difficult to describe without saying ‘trust me’.... but honestly, *trust me*. Nathan Fielder graduated from business school with ‘really good grades’. He offers outlandish solutions to solve problems for struggling small businesses. In Finding Frances, Fielder uses all the resources of his successful show to help an old Bill Gates impressionist track down his high school sweetheart. Trust me.

Nathan Fielder has accidentally and totally on purpose made one of the best documentaries of the last 10 years.

It’s funny how we remember things. Reality and fiction are blurred. Truth is irrelevant. What does real mean? Does it even matter if we remember it how we want to?

Laptop.

8. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI (directed by Martin McDonagh)

A mother takes desperate steps to pressure local law enforcement to find her daughter’s killer.

Perfectly woven and layered characters. I fucking hate the phrase ‘the character arc’, but if I were teaching a class in it- I’d show this film.

A film about relationships, and every relationship between every character or creature or inanimate object is perfect.

McDonagh loves theatrical sensibilities. Nobody does grand, rich set-pieces quite like him… makes highly stylised situations feel real in the world he sets up.

I could have watched hours more of these characters interacting.

Seen at Embankment Garden Cinema.

7. BLADE RUNNER 2049 (directed by Denis Villeneuve)

Neo-noir, sci-fi sequel to Ridley Scott’s 1981 classic.

I’m not a fan of the original Blade Runner. I appreciate it! It’s beautiful! and groundbreaking! but I just find it so heartless and cold. I just can’t connect to it. The best sci-fis are amazing stories with really fun furniture (the gadgets, tech etc.) The original is too much furniture for me. In other words, I had no reason to like this one IP wise. 2049 takes everything that could have been interesting from the original and expands on that. The furniture is just that- furniture. An amazing setting that enriches and serves the story. Everything is there to tell the story. I left the cinema feeling I’d experienced something the way that everyone talks about experiencing the first one.

The most expensive art film ever made. I literally cannot believe this exists. I cannot believe they gave Villeneuve £185MILLION to make a 3-hour long, philosophical film that has no blockbuster tropes: no loveable rogue hero; no ‘off-beat’ quippy humour to keep you interested; no CGI extravaganza 3rd act; NO.FUCKING.SKYBEAM with floating garbage spinning around it that threatens to destroy the world and the heroes have to stop it before everyone in the world dies; no setting up 5 other already planned sequels in the franchise so nothing important happens in this one. It’s a rare type of blockbuster in 2017- one that trusts it’s audience is intelligent.

Denis Villeneuve really is the most exciting director working today. This is just further proof. Arrival (2016) still my favourite of his, but I’m almost more in awe of him for this. Taking such a well-loved franchise and doing something new with it in a way that still feels respectful of what’s come before. It’s his film.

The only use of Hollywood’s new trend of digitally recreating actors (ala Peter Cushing in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story) that will ever matter. THIS is how you do it well.

Gender politics (we’re gunna’ go there, SPOILERS AHEAD and I know my opinion doesn’t really matter or count for anything on this just thought it’d be silly not to bring it up, feel free to disagree, v. interested to hear what everyone thinks about this!!) Lots has been written about the treatment of female characters in 2049. Most apt example I can think of to explain how I feel- Taxi Driver (1976), there’s a cafe scene in which the camera lingers on some black characters for uncomfortably long in a kind of parading manner, a ‘look at how terrible these guys are’ manner... it’s very understandable why one could interpret the film itself as racist. I’d argue the film is completely aware of what it’s doing- it’s putting us in Travis Bickle’s eyes, who is a racist character. I mean, we’re literally in his head the whole thing, hearing what he’s thinking and seeing what he’s seeing... I guess what I’m saying is- ‘it’s a decision.’ It’s not an offhand random shot where the filmmaker’s own gaze comes through, it’s a skilfully planned decision to make us question and think about something, in Taxi Driver’s case- what kind of man Bickle is. The treatment of women in 2049 *IS* a decision. It’s not Villeneuve lazily commodifying women, it’s him saying a world where women are only a commodity is a fucking bleak one. It’s a world where real women have been rendered obsolete because the height of success in our society (the CEO of a large corporation), an egoistical white guy with a god-complex manufactures life so women aren’t necessary for continuing the human race, and creates holographic partners for everyday men so they’re emotionally fulfilled without having to engage with actual women. And it’s so horrible. I mean, is anybody happy in this film? Is the picture of the future this film paints bright? It’s a film about how the arrogance of men will destroy everything. And on a base story level, it’s literally about guy who thinks everything is about him... but it turns out to be about a woman. Perhaps it’s lazy for the film to make the decision ‘it’s a patriarchal world so all the women are prostitutes and are treated badly so we’re just gunna’ do that’, but I dunno’... I think there’s more going on. I think Villeneuve is too good for that. I mean his last film was literally about a genius female linguist being the saviour of the world and how a mother’s love is the most precious thing. Would he really do such a U-turn and make a film where the female characters are just objects to be gazed at? I mean- maybe?? If any other aspect of the film felt like it was the studio meddling with Villenueve’s vision I’d buy that... but it’s just SO his film. And I think he’s clever enough to know who the primary audience of this film is- geeky 20 year-old guys. He draws them in with the surface (and all too familiar) images of the female characters, and then turns all of that on it’s head. Just my opinion. Obviously I can never be completely impartial- very happy to be converted the other way. 

Seen at Picturehouse Central.

6. CALL ME BY YOUR NAME (directed by Luca Guadagnino)

Somewhere in Northern Italy, Summer 1983, Elio’s life changes.

Sun-drenched Europe, the smell of warmth and twirling cigarette smoke, deep blue sky- pure, breakfast with a glass of apricot juice and an espresso, the sound of bike spokes spinning lazily.

I wish I could live with these people.

‘Later.’

The rawest and best final shot in the last 10 years.

Seen at Odeon Leicester Square.

5. THE BIG SICK (directed by Michael Showalter)

A Pakistani-born standup comedian/Uber driver and a grad student strike up an unlikely relationship.

MAGIC. The perfect retort to use when someone says ‘all rom-coms suck’. A genuine slab of gold that’s as funny as it is heartfelt. And it’s just SO the kind of thing I like.

I’m unbelievably bored of films and just art in general that’s terrified of being sincere in fear of being labelled sappy or over-sentimental. The Big Sick says ‘fuck you’ to that school of thought and goes for it. 

Comedy, romance and drama are effortlessly blended- sometimes all in the same scene. And it never feels off-kilter, mainly due to the amazing performances. Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Ray Romano, Holly Hunter and the rest of the cast always play the truth of the scene- not the humour, the romance or the drama, just the TRUTH of the moment.

The perfect antidote to the year 2017 in general.

Seen at Aldeburgh Cinema.

4. YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE (directed by Lynne Ramsay)

Gulf War veteran Joe rescues children from trafficking rings.

This is a horror. And more terrifying than any jump scare, this whole film is populated by ghosts.

Deeply troubled, deeply disturbed. Beautiful. Precise. Scatter-brained. Focused. A violin strung too tightly, then played by a madman. How can something so stripped down and raw feel so symphonic and wholesome?

There are things in this that will play on loop in my head for the rest of my life. Images and sounds so seared into my brain they find me at the strangest of moments in a day, and I’m always left thinking about them for the rest of that day. It’s clever like that. Joe can never escape what he’s seen. 

Francis Ford Coppola famously told press at the 1979 Cannes premiere of Apocalypse Now - ‘My film is not about Vietnam. It is Vietnam.’

You Were Never Really Here is not about PTSD... it is PTSD.

Seen at Odeon Leicester Square.

3. LOGAN (directed by James Mangold)

Wolverine’s last outing.

I’m not a huge fan of superhero films. Most are fun. Most are also lazy. Few will survive the test of time. Those that will use all the tricks in their genre box and do something interesting with them, transcend- Rami’s Spiderman 2 (2004), Bird’s The Incredibles (2004), Nolan’s The Dark Knight (2008)... and Mangold’s Logan. 

So aged. So weary. Everyone is tired. Tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of living. Like three sharp metal claws jaggedly tearing through flesh, nothing is polished about this. Bloodshot eyes, skin like leather. He feels so much regret. Like most real heroes, he mourns those he couldn’t save rather than celebrates those he did. And it’s eaten him up inside for the hundreds of years he’s lived.

Here I go talking about furniture again... but every piece of furniture (superpowers etc.) is there to serve the story (and here the characters are story). Like so many blockbusters and superhero movies fail to do, this film is about something other than the furniture... e.g. how do you tell a story about dementia that gives someone who hasn’t experienced a family member suffering from it *that* feeling of sadness, loss, embarrassment, empathy and frustration? You give it to Charles Xavier (played by Patrick Stewart), a character you’re use to seeing as the leader, who always has a clever plan up his sleeve and has the ability to control other’s minds. You give it to him, and you force everyone watch the person they respected the most have to be lifted into bed while screaming about fast-food. It’s heartbreaking. Complex. It’s actually about something other than how in superhero world teamwork saves the day. Every ‘plot point’ and moment tells us something about these characters, even to a fault sometimes. SUBTLE: Logan pulling them jammed claws the way an old boy down the pub with arthritis feels his fingers. UNSUBTLE BUT STILL INTERESTING: making Logan fight the only thing he’s truly scared of- literally the version of himself that blindly obeys orders.

Everyone is SO fucking real. Just *watch* the way Daphne Keen eats that bowl of cereal.

Would highly recommend watching the ‘Noir’ Black & White version. 

mild spoilers: It also features the best single edit of the year, from Laura stabbing the shit out of some dude to a flurry of scattered drum beats in the score... then that piercing animalistic roar rips through and all is silent... she spins.... from this:

CUT to this:

An empty forest, the roar echoes out... a low bass note tolls like a funeral. Something is coming. Help is on the way, but it’s an untamed, ruthless, violent help. He’s near...

No one single cut has ever given me chills like that before.

Seen at Odeon Leicester Square & Picturehouse Central (Noir version)

2. TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN (directed by David Lynch)

Agent Cooper’s odyssey back to the small town of Twin Peaks. The original series of Twin Peaks that aired in the early 90s is often cited as creating ‘prestige’ television as we know it today- your Game of Thrones’, HBO high-quality, Netflix and so on... 25 years later, David Lynch and Mark Frost have returned to kill it. 

Earth-shattering. Groundbreaking. An 18-hour film (split into 16 parts) so layered, so complex i’m not even sure where to begin... and most of what I have to say has probably been written by someone else much more eloquently. 

For the first 9 hours, I found The Return mostly frustrating. I love the original series so, so much (and the prequel film Fire Walk With Me is one of my favourite films of all time). When I hit hour 10, it was like all the clouds in my head suddenly cleared. I ‘got’ it. What I thought I wanted was all my favourite characters back again talking about cherry pie and coffee with that soft romantic filter. Lynch and Frost (the creators) knew I wanted that. They also knew I didn’t *really* want that... because, the original series will always exist. They knew nothing would disappoint more than a soft reboot. The Return is it’s own thing- within the universe of Twin Peaks, and... within the actual universe. Seriously, how can you categorise this? It jumps from screwball slapstick comedy to silent black and white existentialist horror to 10 minute live band performances... what is the point of even trying to categorise it?

On some of the individual parts: Part 3 is a low-fi, surrealist, near silent masterpiece. Part 8 is... ‘Pure Heroin Lynch’ and has already changed TV forever. Part 11 is the most satisfying instalment, fulfilling storylines from the original series in a measured and poignant way. Part 17 is the conclusion we wanted, sort of... Part 18 is the start of a new mystery, and one of the most haunting things I’ve ever seen.

Twin Peaks will change you life.

Seen on Laptop.

1. THE FLORIDA PROJECT (directed by Sean Baker)

In the shadow of Disney World, 6 year-old Moonee and her friends spend the summer playing around the Motels they live in, while her mother Halley struggles to find a new job.

Pastel bright colours. Every person has survived a storm. Explore the wasteland of failed corporate America. Become a child again. The endless spinning of helicopter blades, a constant reminder of what they can’t do- escape. 

Doesn’t ask you to like the characters. Doesn’t need to. Moonee has seen too much. Halley’s anger at herself and her life bubbles underneath every word and action, but she just doesn’t know how to fix it.

It is *SO* achingly beautiful it hurts. I find it hard to even watch the trailer without crying.

For the problems that face Moonee, honorary queen of The Magic Castle Motel, and the impending darkness that’s sure to come, she has the most powerful gift of all- finding hope where there is none. 

‘See, I took you on a safari.’ 

Seen at Odeon Leicester Square & ICA.

DISCLAIMER- things that are not out yet in the UK/I shamefully haven’t yet seen and would likely be on my list too: Lady Bird (further DISCLAIMER i would actually kill somebody to see this) A Ghost Story Raw Phantom Thread War for the Planet of The Apes Coco American Vandal Mindhunter

BEST SCENES:

The third thing I learnt this year- it’s impossible to talk about a specific scene in a film without spoiling it. So... SPOILERS.

The Stairway Fight - ATOMIC BLONDE (directed by David Leitch)

If someone could tell me what the fuck was going on in Atomic Blonde that’d be great but until then I’ll just marvel at how amazing the fight sequences are. Charlize Theron again puts herself at the centre of the progression of American action cinema following her iconic performance in Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). From the first time we see her, lying in an expensive bath healing her wounds and soothing her bruises, we know at some point we’re going to see how she got them. CUE: The 15 minute stairway fight sequence, made to look like a single continuous shot. Leitch and Chad Stahelski (his frequent collaborator and director of the also brilliant John Wick: Chapter 2) are determined to show general audiences what good action scenes look like. This 15-min beauty harkens back to the almost dance like hospital shootout in Hard Boiled (1992), with the rawness and determination of a Children of Men (2006) tracking shot. Charlize Theron (as MI6 agent Lorraine Broughton) fights her way through swarms of henchmen over several floors of an abandoned block of flats, all the while trying to protect Eddie Marsan (who wouldn’t want to protect Eddie Marsan??) Every punch, kick and throw HURTS. By the end, she and the final henchman are so exhausted there’s a sense they might just call the whole thing off- but something pushes them on. Oh, and there’s a 5 minute car chase all part of the same shot to end. Also features the BEST LINE OF 2017. In retort to the final henchman strangling her desperately whispering ‘Take this, bitch!’, she turns the tables, stabs him up hard, then before delivering the final knockdown, pushes her nose to his and asks- ‘Am I your bitch now?’ She doesn’t wait for a reply.

The Eyeless Woman - TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN (directed by David Lynch)

Lynch’s best nightmare.

Train Hysterics - LAST FLAG FLYING (directed by Richard Linklater)

2003. A Vietnam veteran recruits his two oldest buddies, who he served with, to accompany him on a journey no one should ever have to take. 

I liked this movie a lot- just missed out on the top 12 list. The standout scene happens little over half way through, the characters sitting in a storage carriage of a train talking about losing their virginities. It’s the best ‘characters uncontrollably laughing’ scene since The Intouchables (2011). 

The Snowball epilogue - STRANGER THINGS 2 (directed by The Duffer Brothers)

Stranger Things season 2 was super mixed for me. I enjoyed it a lot. Kind of. 

The first series is a perfect little story, with a perfect beginning, middle and end. I god damn *love* it’s characters so, so much. The plot was simple remixed 80s nostalgia beats, but really just a vehicle for you to get to know Mike and Eleven and Nancy etc. Think about how much each and every scene was practically designed to reveal more about who they were. It was so beautiful. Season 2 however had wayyyyy too much plot which was obsessed with itself and how cool it was and as a result left characters with nothing to do. In other words, in Season 1 all the characters had something to do because the plot came from them, in season 2 characters were given plot roles... like, explain to me what Mike did all season before he saw Eleven again at the v end of episode 8?? What did Jonathan’s storyline tell us about him we didn’t already know? Sure, they don’t have to set up who they are all over again, but the best sequels never take for granted we love the characters- they give us new reasons to love them. 

It’s clear to see whose storylines had natural progressions from season 1 and they knew where they were going, and those they had to think of something because Netflix desperately wanted another season quickly. The only original characters season 2 really worked for were Steve and Will. ‘Steve The Babysitter’ was the perfect progression for his character- him voluntarily discarding his Alpha-Jock status, seeing it was all bullshit, now his caring side comes out. Fuck, think how much you disliked Steve all of Season 1 compared to how much you love and deeply want him to be ok at the end of season 2. THAT’s good writing. His storyline was perfect for his character, it kept giving us new reasons to love him. And Will. Holy shit. His descent into Reagan-level possession was the most engaging part of season 2. Basically all of the story came from him. And Noah Schnapp is so damn good. I think simplicity is the key. His story was unpredictable till the last moments, when you realise it was inevitable. It has a clear premise, unlike most of season 2. 

In the first, there were very clear overarching premises from the start- Will Byers is missing, Eleven has escaped from the Lab, the Demogorgon is on the loose. Simple premises that allow our characters to manoeuvre around... Season 2 doesn’t really have one other than Will is clearly still connected to the Upside Down... the Mind Flayer doesn’t really start as a concept till the penultimate episode... Hopper and Eleven living together maybbe?? but we’re not really given enough time with them. Everyone else is left with nothing to do, or something that doesn’t really serve their character... UNTIL THE LAST 15 MINUTES.

The Snowball epilogue was like coming to the surface after swimming laps underwater- I sort of enjoyed the laps but I’d rather just be able to breath. All the self-indulgent 80s nostalgia *plot* is done, and all the characters have interesting things to do!! Steve giving Dustin tips dropping him off, and then that longing look he gives towards the hall. Dustin realising ‘I don’t look like Steve Harrington’ after being rejected by every girl at the ball and dejectedly crying... and in comes Nancy to save the day!! Genuinely one of the most beautiful moments in anything all year (notice how we learn more about Nancy’s true nature in this one moment that anything else she really did all season??) Jonathan nearby keeping an eye on Will and being his helpful self taking the Ball pictures. Lucas ignoring what the rest of the group think about Max and asking her to dance. Will actually going to the ball, acting as normal as he can and dancing with someone!! Joyce and Hopper nervously wait outside and reminiscently share a smoke as they did in their highschool days- contemplating on how they probably won’t ever feel like they aren’t worried about their kids... and finally Mike and Eleven just having a bit of happiness for once- actually going to the Snowball together, a beautiful conclusion after speaking about it at the end of Season 1.

As each moment passed in this glorious sequence, I loved the characters more and more. They aren’t doing anything supernatural or life threatening, but the stakes feel SO much higher than they had all season. It’s real. They aren’t shackled with ‘advancing the plot’, they can just be themselves. And I loved it.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY:

Time’s Arrow, Episode 11, BoJack Horseman Season 4 (created by Raphael Bob-Waksberg)

BoJack Horseman has been the most visually beautiful cartoon for a while now, it’s breathtaking season 3 silent underwater adventure Fish out of Water helped to gain it much appreciated wide applause. Time’s Arrow is a different beast. Genuinely horrifying. A mind cracked into a thousand pieces and glued back together into something resembling crazy paving. The animation is disturbing. Really disturbing. The nightmarish images running through the failing mind of an old woman with dementia. Images of her regrets, the neglect and abuse at the hands of her parents. Memories burn and melt away like plastic in a fire. The faceless humans and constant scribble over Henrietta’s face haunts me. Beyond the obvious sinister imagery, it means something. A puzzle with too many missing pieces to really make out what the picture actually is. And we’ll never really know.

It’s not the first thing that pops into mind when you think of ‘cinematography’, but Time’s Arrow is the best visual storytelling since... the previous season of BoJack Horseman.

BEST PERFORMANCES:

Cate Blanchett as various in MANIFESTO (directed by Julian Rosefeldt)

Originally a critically acclaimed multi-screen video installation in which Cate Blanchett plays 13 different characters, ranging from a school teacher to a homeless man, performing artist’s manifestos in 13 different scenarios. Part of the financing deal was Rosefeldt had to cut a 90 minute, linear version of the piece for a cinematic setting.

NO one could have pulled this off like she did. She’s running on adrenaline and pure bravery. She makes interesting choices at every twist and turn. How does looking at her never get tiresome? Every jump from character to character feels genuine. She blew my mind- I knew I was looking at the same person over and over again, but I also *knew* I was looking at 13 different people. 

A masterclass.

Kyle MacLachlan as various in TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN (directed by David Lynch)

2017 is the year of staggering ‘multi-character’ performances. Kyle MacLachlan’s involvement in the new season of Twin Peaks was basically the only thing anyone knew about it going in. And he is the heart of this season in so many ways. Returning to a character 25 years later must be a daunting prospect, but MacLachlan shows no fear. Not only does he play the pragmatic, joyful Agent Cooper we all know and love, he plays his steely, pure evil doppelganger Mr C, child-like amnesiac Dougie Jones and in the final episode... someone quite special. And he makes it look so damn easy. He is the fabric that holds together The Return.

THE ‘KIDS’ in EVERYTHING

2017 has been a bad year for Hollywood. Ultimately though, it will be looked back on as the turning point. THINGS CHANGE NOW. The old guard is running from their past scared. And they should be scared. Uma Thurman is coming to murder them all. There is no room left for the Harvey Weinstein’s, the rotting core of top-down abuse has been exposed. Brett Ratner can fuck off with his swaggering playboy image and terrible movies. 

What is truly uplifting is who is going to replace them. A new generation of pure, true artists that this year has shone a spotlight on.

The future is Brooklynn Prince and Bria Vinaite, stars of The Florida Project. The future is Timothée Chalamet, whose central performance in Call Me By Your Name is the realist, rawest thing ever. The future is Saoirse Ronan, the next Meryl Streep. The future is Daniel Kaluuya, who has finally gained world-wide recognition for his stunning leading performance in Get Out. The future is Finn Wolfhard, Millie Bobby Brown and all of the kids from Stranger Things, who masterfully manage the horrific pressures of being thrust into the tabloid spotlight at the same age most of us just want to cry in our rooms. The future is Sophia Lillis and the rest of the Loser’s Club from IT (a film with the most oppressively terrible sound design ever yet they still manage to make it fun and watchable.) The future is Daphne Keen, the best on-screen cereal-eater who almost steals the film from Hugh Jackman in Logan. The future is Lucas Hedges, someone with rare human fingerprint over every word he speaks in Three Billboards and last year in Manchester By The Sea. The future is Donald Glover, the most creative, multi-talented young artist alive. The future is Caleb Landry Jones, who’s had maybe the most impressive year, with standout supporting roles in The Florida Project, Twin Peaks: The Return, Get Out and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. The future is Tessa Thompson, the best thing about Thor: Ragnarok.  The future is Michael B. Jordan, Chadwick Boseman, Lupita Nyong'o, all the team behind the upcoming Black Panther film, helmed by Ryan Coogler. The future is Barry Jenkins, director of best picture winner Moonlight. The future is Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver and Kelly Marie Tran, the new faces of the most popular franchise ever. The future is Alice Lowe, a force to be reckoned with. Writing, directing and starring in a feature film is difficult enough. She did all of that while heavily pregnant. Oh, and it was her debut feature. It’s called Prevenge and it rocks. The future is Ava Duvernay, a beacon of hope- cannot wait for A Wrinkle in Time, which drops early next year. The future is Sean Baker, the most empathetic filmmaker working today. The future is Patty Jenkins and Gal Godot who have revolutionised the superhero film and inspired a generation of little girls with Wonder Woman.  The future is Kumail Nanjiani and Zoe Kazan, who I’ll follow in whatever they do after The Big Sick. The Future is Jordan Peele, the most exciting new director. The future is GRETA GERWIG, mumblecore queen turned saviour of cinema.

So, what did I learn this year? Well, Agent Dale Cooper is certainly one of the best characters of all time. But most of all: amongst the darkness of everything that’s happened within the film industry in 2017... there’s hope.

The future is bright.

[aion-rsa]

How Star Wars Author Delilah Dawson Brings Galaxy's Edge to Life

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We talked to Star Wars author Delilah Dawson about Resistance spy Vi Moradi, and what it was like to step into the galaxy far, far away.

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Delilah Dawson has been a powerhouse Star Wars author since her novel Phasma told the radiation-soaked backstory of the First Order enforcer. Since then she has published several novels outside the Star Wars universe (most recently No Country For Old Gnomes with co-author Kevin Hearne).

She’s now part of Batuu history with her novel Black Spire, a tie-in to the Disney Star Wars land, Galaxy’ Edge. At New York Comic Con we sat down to talk with her about how Resistance spy Vi Moradi developed over the course of the two books, what it was like to step into the galaxy far, far away at a Disney park, and more.

Black Spire is available now from Del Rey. Dawson’s other most recent Star Wars book is The Skywalker Saga, a fairytale retelling of Episodes I through VIII, available from Disney Publishing. 

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Den of Geek: Black Spire is about Vi Moradi, who was introduced in the novel Phasma. How has she grown and changed since we saw her last?

Deliah Dawson: We brought Vi Moradi to life in Phasma because we wanted to tell a One Thousand and One Nights Scheherazade story, because the thing about Phasma is no one ever gets behind the mask. So all of the stories about her are … stories. Throughout Phasma, Vi is captured by a First Order officer named Captain Cardinal. She is tortured for information and it’s pretty rough, but she’s holding out, and in the end she manages to escape. But she’s been tortured, dehydrated, beaten, starved—it’s a rough time.

Then, we get to see her go back to the Resistance and see what happens between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker. We get to see the Hosnian cataclysm and some of her healing, and then she gets sent to the planet Batuu, which is where Galaxy’s Edge is, to build a new kind of Resistance cell. Because as we saw after the battle of Crait, the Resistance needs warm bodies and hidey holes. That’s what they have the least of. 

read more: Poe Dameron Returns in The Rise of Skywalker Tie-In Book

When she arrives there, she’s accustomed to being a spy. She works alone, she infiltrates, she gets intel, she sometimes gets tortured, but she’s trained in withholding. So she suddenly has this new job, which is to build a Resistance cell.

The characters there start calling her mother hen, because she pulls this family together. It’s a very new experience for her. She is also dealing with trauma. That’s one of the things I wanted to talk about in this book that we don’t see a lot in Star Wars. We’re in the middle of the war. These people are veterans. And the war just isn’t ending. We get to see what it’s like for her finding a new purpose, finding a new family, and pushing through the various things that make life hard for pretty much anybody over 30. 

The other main character is Cardinal, Vi’s former enemy. What is the heart of his story in Black Spire? 

Cardinal is one of my all-time favorites. He’s my little cinnamon roll! When we were building out the story for Phasma, we said who would be Phasma’s foil in the First Order? And the first thought was a bigger, badder Phasma! But there isn’t one. The idea is he firmly believes, at least in Phasma, that the First Order is the answer. He was saved by them when he was starving to death, after a life of slavery. He was given good food and a warm place to sleep for the first time. Throughout Phasma he learns all of that is a lie and they don’t have the populace’s best interest at heart. 

You don’t have to read Phasma to read Black Spire, but it does build a foundation for the main characters. 

When we see Cardinal again, he’s broken. He’s lost his life’s purpose, his family, everything he was working for. He realizes he was basically training murderers. He’s also been stabbed by Phasma and bacta can’t fix the poison. 

So he’s trying to find his purpose, along with this woman who he recognizes that he tortured. So he’s a pretty messed up guy. I love seeing these characters with history, and how, realistically, people have to work with other people that are maybe not the person they want to work with. You have to look these people in the eye and go on. Respect is still something to build a relationship on, even if you have nothing else.

What was your experience with Batuu via Galaxy’s Edge before you wrote the book? Had you visited the park?

I had a very big dossier of information with several maps that were too small for me to read them! And they couldn’t be blown up, and they were watermarked with my name. So my experience with most of the book was begging them: I am an hour away from Orlando, let me see a miniature version or show me a map I can read! So they did the best they could. Once, they sent a map that was a half inch bigger, and I was like, no! 

But they were so gracious as to let me come to the soft opening of the Disneyland Galaxy’s Edge—Batuu West, as we call it—and so after exploring the world and taking some notes I got to go back to my document and do one final edit. Super helpful not only for the walkthrough, but also for things I had read a description of and I had pulled out certain details where I had read their description and put it into my story, and I had been wrong. In Dok Ondar’s Den of Antiquities there is a chandelier, and from it are hanging Ithorian wind chimes. The way they described it, I took and described it in my own words. But when I got there I realized I did a bad job! So I got to fix that. 

The Den of Antiquities is an incredible place, but the list of items they had provided to me were not what caught my eye when I actually walked in. I was able to look at the things that literally caught my eye and put those into the narrative to reflect more of what the reader will experience. Which was incredible! There’s nothing like the land and capturing that feeling of loving Star Wars and then living it. 

The theme of hope and resilience was important in this book. What does that mean to you personally?

Black Spire is a book that had to serve many masters, but every book I write, whether it’s my creator-owned work or in an IP sandbox, has to have a heart and a theme. It has to mean something. One of my favorite shows right now is Brooklyn 99. I can’t go to sleep without a TV on, so I watch the shows that I love and that are comfortable over and over again. It’s a show that is warm, funny, has that found family. It’s about damaged people who love and support each other. And it never punches down. So I wanted to do the Brooklyn 99 of Star Wars. 

The people of Batuu don’t think of themselves as heroes. Most of them don’t even believe that the Resistance and the First Order exist. So Vi has to explain to them that trouble has never come their way, but it’s going to and they have to be ready. There’s one character who says straight up they’re not strong enough to help. And Vi has to convince her, yes, you are, that’s what a hero is: someone who feels the fear and does it anyway. 

On the flip side of that, this is also a book involving war and torture. What is your approach when writing the darker tone? 

In any Star Wars book, no matter how sweet it is, when the First Order shows up things are going to get dark. There’s actually a note from one of my editors that said “I am concerned you think about torture this much.” 

I knew we needed a torture scene. I had to find something new that no one had done before, but was still at a Star Wars level of violence. I was very adamant that there not be any implied or threatened sexual violence, so that was off the table immediately. So I went for the eyes with this one. 

My brand is whimsical and dark. I’ve done some horror books, and Phasma is a pretty dark book. So when there had to be darkness there was, and I tried to temper it with moments of light and mercy to give the reader some breathing room in those scenes. The First Order character I created for this book, Wulfgar Kath, was another case where I was looking for something new in Star Wars. So he’s a First Order officer that is very fastidious. He gets a ping from General Hux when he’s working out in the officer’s mess, which he does at night so he doesn’t have to talk to anybody. And he won’t answer until he’s finished his set. He’s that kind of fastidious, sociopathic character, like Hannibal without the style. He will beat you senseless and then put his hair back in place. 

Phasma was a much grittier book. Was it easier or more difficult for you to write a more hopeful one? 

They’re both sides of my personality and my experience. Every book I write relates to what I’m experiencing in the moment. While I was writing this book I pinched a nerve, and I had to write a lot of the book on my back, on a heating pad, with a special setup. I was in a lot of pain. The line in there where someone says to Vi after her ship crashes “You have the spine of a 90-year old woman,” that’s what my doctor said to me that day. The pain and the trauma is part of me, and when that comes through in the books, that’s because it’s a part of me, and I think that’s important to show in books. 

But I also have a family and play with my kids and my dog and have a really nice life, so I think those are balances that most readers will have in their lives. 

How is the process of writing a tie-in novel different from writing a creator-owned work? 

With IP you’re in someone else’s sandbox. You have to love it—I don’t think you can write Star Wars if you don’t love it and haven’t been internalizing it forever. I think of Star Wars as history. It’s more real to me than Herbert Hoover and William Howard Taft. So I’m already there. I write a lot of IP, and I feel like it’s something I’m good at because when someone gives me parameters I don’t think I’m stuck in a box, I think there are so many things I can do inside this box.

With Star Wars, I don’t just start writing at home. There is a process with a group of people. We develop an outline, and I don’t start writing until I have an outline that is probably 14 pages single spaced. Then I work from there. I can’t randomly deviate from that outline, although there’s always some room to play with day to day stuff like the Indiana Jones sequence in this book, which you’ll know if you’ve read it. That was one line in the outline and ten thousand words of this experience Vi goes through. When you get to the line for Rise of the Resistance [the ride], you’ll hopefully see some of the places Vi goes. But that I can play around with.

But when I write for myself, I have to know the main character, the beginning, the instigating factor, the main conflict, the climax, and the ending. I leave a ton of room to play around. But in Star Wars we don’t get quite that much room. 

With Star Wars books, I usually get one to two months. With my own books I get up to three months. 

Megan Crouse writes about Star Wars and pop culture for StarWars.com, Star Wars Insider, and Den of Geek. Read more of her work here. Find her on Twitter @blogfullofwords.

Read and download the Den of Geek NYCC 2019 Special Edition Magazine right here!

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Interview

Books

Megan Crouse

Oct 14, 2019

Star Wars

Del Rey

NYCC

NYCC 2019

from Books https://ift.tt/31flHzN

[rainbowravioli]

Do you have any fanfic recommendation especially with Yuri!!! ON ICE and Voltron? I think you have a good taste because your meta analyses are always a great read. Aside from art, do you also write fics? Sorry for the many asks. Thank you!

Awwwww you flatter me anon! I never really wrote fics. Well ok, not entirely true, I wrote some pieces for friends in the past. I’m really really insecure over the idea of writing in something that’s not my native language. I still mess up English a lot. You know anxiety and all that.

Don’t apologise for sending asks, I’m always happy to get them. I’m sorry I took a while to reply, but I was compiling a list and I don’t have an ao3 account so tracking down fic I previously read is a bit difficult! 

About Voltron fics. Since I don’t engage with the general fandom much and stay in my safe corner, most of what I have to rec is Sheith. I don’t know if you ship Sheith, so here’s my non-sheith recs (if you do though, feel free to come back and ask for my recs on that)

Give Them Shelter by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)

Have some freakin’ gen fluff, you goddamn animals. In response to Day 15 of legendarydesvender’s Inktober

The paladins explore the castle and do adorable some team bonding.

Making the Rounds by Kiaxet

When Shiro has trouble dealing with his past with the Galra, he heads to engineering for company. Pidge and Hunk…aren’t quite sure what to do when he just…hovers. (Cuddles. Cuddles forever.)

Very sweet and amazingly in-character “team looks after Shiro” piece.

the fear of falling by amillionsmiles

Keith can pull off a downward spiral. It’s the kind of maneuver he does in his sleep.

Brilliant character study and backstory exploration of Keith. 

i miss you sideways daily by amillionsmiles

“I know how it is,” she sighs fondly, snatching up the empty plastic bags from the table and throwing them in the trash as they exit the cafeteria. “The three of you just zoom off to your own little world sometimes.”

“As long as we come back, right, Mom?” Katie teases, already thinking of next year, when she’ll don the orange and white uniform as well.

Her mom smiles, rising on her toes to kiss Matt’s cheek, pinching Katie’s side with her other hand.

“As long as you come back.”

(or: Katie and Pidge and her family. Before, after, and from now on.)

Outstanding, well paced, super emotional character study! The incorporation of science and technology in the story is brilliant. 

Your Princess Is In Another Castle by VelkynKarma

Part of the paladin’s mission is to spread peace and diplomacy. Allura has trained for years to be exceptional at it, in all situations.

A perfect demonstration of the importance of Allura’s role (with bonus importance of Shiro’s political role as the Black Paladin) and how utterly amazing she is.

Fragile Atlas by Pie Badger

Stranded on an unknown planet, Shiro struggles with the ramifications of Zarkon being able to take control of the Black Lion.

Shiro and Black talking and bonding over shared pain.

As for Yuri on Ice, I had a previous rec list here (x). Here’s more, under the cut because it gets really long

Complete

Like a Fairytale - lucycamui

In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his ‘Cinderella’ Yuuri.(And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he’s doing).

“The crown prince of the Nikiforov kingdom, infatuated with a mystery pastry chef he’s only just met. This is exactly the kind of scandalous love story my life has been missing… So, what’s he look like? What exactly is Prince Victor’s type?”

“…Sweet.”

“Well, he does make pastries.“

This is super sweet, adorable fluff! Lovely, smooth, whimsical writing style that really had me feeling like I was reading a fairytale. The whole thing just melted my heart. It’s also really funny.

Beside the Dancing Sea - lily_winterwood

He’s finally here in this lovely and quiet little beach cottage, and the rest of the year seems to stretch out infinitely before him. Time will pass, though, and it will pass faster than he realises, but in the meantime he will stop worrying about writer’s block and deadlines and not even having the foggiest clue what his next novel’s going to be about, and live.New York Times-bestselling author Viktor Nikiforov arrives in the sleepy seaside town of Torvill Cove to cure his writer’s block. After encountering local wallflower Yuuri Katsuki at a party, he discovers that this mysterious dark-haired man has a couple secrets up his sleeve.And Viktor will be damned if he doesn’t find out just what those secrets are.

This fic emotionally drained me and ruined my sleeping schedule. I adore it! It just has all these elements that I love so I may be biased, but I really feel like the writing is beautiful and evocative and the take of the mythology is very unique and heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time and the whole story and character arcs are just really well-crafted. I wish this fic was an actual original novel so that I could buy and keep in my shelf forever.

Wanted: Skating Lessons - slightlied

Hi. I am Victor and I need to learn how to skate before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get skating lessons every week for the last fifteen years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on marble busts instead. Now they want me to perform to ‘Stammi Vicino’ at their wedding anniversary on Saturday.

If you can teach me, be here at Ice Castle tomorrow at 7:27am with an extra pair of skates. I am a fast learner (well, at least my dog Makkachin is–it took me only two weeks to teach him how to roll over) so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly. In return, I can teach you how to say some pick-up lines in Russian or tell you some facts about my love life. Whichever you prefer. Not both, though.

Yours sincerely, Victor

PS. I’m a size 8

—

Or, Yuuri answers an ad he sees on Ice Castle’s community board.

This is adorable and really funny.

Twenty-Five Hours by 0lizzybennet0

In which Yuuri spends a 25 hour flight next to Victor Nikiforov, skating legend, and feels it might simultaneously be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him.

This fic messed with my heart beautifully. But I must warn, this is angst based on a misunderstanding/Yuuri deciding to be a big liar and taking the lie too far, so it’s certainly not for everyone since I know it’s a trope that a lot of people really dislike. That said, this has probably one of my favourite portrayals of the Victor/Yurio relationship I’ve ever read.

Here And Human by TreacherousGnome

aka ‘Viktor is a baby when he’s tired and Yuuri can’t *believe* that doesn’t bother him more’

This fic includes several things I’m weak to - filling the gaps in between episodes we didn’t get to see, Yuuri dealing with his growing feelings, mentions of the banquet that Yuuri doesn’t get, and literal sleeping together.

not gold like in your dreams by ebenroot

“Victor, you could have let some psychopath into your apartment.”

“Oh come on, he’s not a psychopath,” Victor chides. Christophe makes a gesture with his hand that says ‘are you seriously this naïve or are you drunk at work again?’.

“Victor, you don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him. Whose name am I going to give to the police or face I’m going to describe to the sketch artist when they find your body chopped up like Hannibal Lecter’s side dish?”

–

in which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret

This is the Penelope AU we deserve! Even though I knew the movie, this fic still kept me on the edge of my seat and messed with my emotions and had me both cheering and bursting into tears. Great pacing, great writing style. I love it enough that I’m willing to overlook that this is a villain!JJ fic.

The Tsesarevich lives! by mtothedestiel

An Anastasia AU. Victor is an orphan with no name, no family, and no memory of a time before he was ten years old. Could he really be the missing Nikiforov heir? An adventure across Europe with two conmen will lead him to the answer.

I mean, entertaining the idea of an Anastasia AU for YoI is not hard if you’re a fan of both, but I always had reservations on how to execute it properly. This fic more than succeeded! It knows where to be faithful to the original and where to deviate, fixes a lot of the problems I had with the movie and even adds actual historical context and addresses the issues that come with it.

Unworthy by heartsdesire456

5 Times Victor Overheard People Saying Yuuri Wasn't Good Enough For Him and 1 Time Someone Told Him Yuuri Was Too Good For Him

My favourite fix-it fic for the finale, with Yuuri being a very accurate insecure mess, the world accurately doubting Victor’s intentions, Yuuri’s friends being amazing, Victor being smitten and Yuuri winning gold. I’m still amazed this was written before the finale because it has this one piece of dialogue that echoes it, except it’s much better. 

improbable by themorninglark

The first words Phichit Chulanont says to Seung Gil in over a year are, “You literally have only one photo on your Instagram.

This is probably my favourite characterisation of Seung Gil I’ve ever read and the whole thing is both funny and adorable.

if love is king, who wears the crown by Crollalanza

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?”

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it’s like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

Chris feels and Minako feels and just…my heart aches for both of them.

Ongoing

The Rules For Lovers by ADreamingSongbird

Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…

That’s a long story.

Suffer with me. In the best way possible. The writing is beautiful, the relationship build is so well paced, the setting is great with its mix of modern day, alternate history, magic and technology, even the OCs are brilliant. This fic is amazing, but god does it stress me out with its cliffhangers and the plot and political intrigue and suffering! I’m holding on to that “angst with a happy ending” tag to keep me going.

My Hero, Yuuri by Abarero

At the age of 23, Yuuri Katsuki is certain he’s just a dime-a-dozen hero that will never make a difference. Little does he know that the moment his path crosses with legendary hero, Victor Nikiforov, both of their lives will begin to change for the better.

A perfect combination of two things I love - Yuri on Ice and My Hero Academia. It mashes the two universes brilliantly, managing to keep tie-ins and references to both while still being very much it’s own (amazing) thing. It has made me laugh out loud and warmed my heart and manages to keep surprising me.

Trade Your Heroes For Ghosts by Naamah_Beherit

Having endured what was probably the worst day of his life followed by a night he does not remember, Yuuri wakes up with a hangover of the century and a desperate plea for the world to forget about his existence. Alas, the world has other plans.

So does a certain Russian skater.

Canon divergence where Yuuri and Victor keep contact immediately after the banquet and Yuuri is made aware that the banquet happened. This is beautifully written. It flows so nicely, especially the dialogue. The characterisation of both Yuuri and Victor makes my heart ache in the best possible way. I’m so eager to see where this one will take me!

empty spaces between stars by astudyinrose

Victor gets just as drunk as Yuuri at the Sochi Banquet, and they disappear together after the dance-offs. They wake up the morning after with rings on their fingers, and pictures of them kissing after getting married the night before are all over the tabloids… but neither of them remembers a thing. They decide to stay married for a while for the sake of Victor’s sponsorships, and in exchange, Victor coaches Yuuri through nationals…

Do you like fake relationships, slow burn and mutual pining? Do you like going through an emotional rollercoaster of one minute melting over how adorable and romantic a moment is to screaming at your screen in frustration the next? Then this fic is the one for you!

The Power of Love by kiaronna

“The two Japanese singles medalists make a beautiful pair! Here, at the 2009 Tokyo GPF, we have the start of this power couple’s reign!”Yuuko and Yuuri dominate the singles skating competition as Japan’s power couple—except they aren’t a couple, and when their old skating idol stumbles into their personal life, everything rapidly goes downhill.

A fic that includes Yuuko and focuses on her friendship with Yuuri is already a fic after my own heart. This is Victuuri, and although it’s dipped in the angst you would expect from massive miscommunication and assumptions (and the fabulous game of “how hard can Yuuri’s anxiety misread a situation” which kills me every time), it’s still so sweet and heartwarming. Though the angst destroys me. But my favourite part of this fic is the friendship. Not just between Yuuri and Yuuko, but also between Detroit trio once Phichit comes into the picture. It’s deep, loving friendship portrayed really well.

Fatum ad Momentum by maydei

These are the moments that were lost in the rush for the Gold, and the things that were built within them. A re-evaluation of everything, from day one, the real day one. From, “Be my coach, Victor!!” And how trust, friendship, and love were built from there. Through Victor’s eyes, the story unfolds—the journey and experience of knowing Yuuri.

Really lovely Victor, really interesting take on his POV and the series’ missing moments, and the Victor in Hasetsu scenes my heart has been craving. Just, the whole fic really warms my heart and it’s an absolute joy to read.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Three Utterly Unconnected Books With Gay Protagonists

by Wardog

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Wardog fails at themes.

By accident, rather than design, I just read three young adult books with gay protagonists. They're not really thematically related at all, nor do they have anything in common, but I found the coincidence harmonious enough that I've decided to review them in a bunch regardless.

Boy Meets Boy

I picked this up from a discount bookshop, remembering absolutely nothing about it except that someone might have told me it was good once, well, either this or a different completely book, which is the sort of thought process you find yourself having when you're unleashed in a space where everything is £2. Things you pick up in discount bookshops because there's no reason not to, rather than because you had a set reason for wanting to read them, can be surprisingly delightful. They can also be unbearably dreadful but I'm glad to say that Boy Meets Boy fell into the former category.

It's basically a coming-of-age tale, and a love story, so simply and straightforwardly told that it's almost banal – the message here seems to be that the experience of being a teenager is universal, and that sexuality shouldn't be something that marks difference between people who might otherwise find points of connection. Because of this, and setting elements I'll address later, it subtly addresses issues of acceptance and tolerance. The book itself is a vehicle for them, but mainly it tells a story about a recognisable teenager undergoing recognisable teenage experiences who just happens to be gay. Its very existence, in a way, emphasises the normality of gay experience, while leaving the book at liberty to simply a story in an entertaining way. To be honest, though, the story of Boy Meets Boy didn't interest me all that much, although I did care enough about the protagonist (Paul) to want a happy ending for him. But then it's self-unconsciously unremarkable – as the title itself suggests it will be – and charming enough to carry its own deliberate ordinariness. One of the things I did very much like about Boy Meets Boy is that it successfully creates a transitory space (being a teenager at school) that both owns its own transitiveness and yet doesn't undermine the importance of events and experiences within that space. So, for example, we are never expected to believe that Paul's love for Noah is Forever, but we still recognise its value, and even savour it because there is something uniquely delicate, perfect and intense about that kind of teenage romance.

Boy Meets Boy inhabits its adolescence almost to a fault – it's told in the first person, by Paul, so we are rather trapped in his often rather limited and flawed perspective. It struck me as being so realistically teenage that I found it rather stifling sometimes – his arty whimsicality strays perilously close to pretension. But as close as I came to rolling my eyes on occasion, self-irony is something adults impose on the excesses of adolescence and Paul's earnestness is genuinely endearing. Part of the problem with the book being so grounded in Paul was the less flamboyant characters don't really come through as clearly as they need to – Paul has an interesting circle of friends, including his bisexual ex, Kyle, who is working through his own confusion, and Tony, also gay, who is struggling with the restrictions of his parent's religion. Noah, Paul's love interest, never really develops his own identity – yes he is charming, like Paul, and whimsical, like Paul, and arty, like Paul, and somewhat vulnerable from a relationship gone wrong, like Paul, but although I believed in Paul's attraction to him, I found it rather difficult to believe in Noah as a person in his own right. But, then, I think Boy Meets Boy is more interested in love in general, than the specifics what makes a particular relationship work, so there's an extent to which it doesn't really matter.

The thing I loved most about Boy Meets Boy, however, was the setting. Because I didn't quite realise what I was reading, the fact that it is essentially set in a utopia of complete equality, where all sexualities are accepted, came at me completely unexpectedly. Basically the text presents you – in a very delightful way – with an increasing level of tolerance, up to the point at which it becomes absurdly unrealistic and then you feel deeply sad that what should surely be a basic level of human decency comes across as ludicrous idealism. It's never really “explained” in the text why this small town in America has embraced so wholeheartedly the tolerance it should not be unreasonable to expect from society as a whole but equally that shouldn't require explanation. This setting comes absolutely shining out the book, and some of my favourite passages are when it allows for things like this:

It was with Joni's help that I became the first openly gay class president in the history of Ms Farquar's third grade class. Joni was my campaign manager. She was the person who came up with my campaign slogan: VOTE FOR ME... I'M GAY! […] My biggest opponent was (I'm sorry to say) Ted Halpern. His first slogan was VOTE FOR ME … I'M NOT GAY, which only made him seem dull. Then he tried DON'T FOR HIM... HE'S GAY, which was pretty stupid, because nobody likes to be told who they can (or can't) vote for. Finally, in the days leading up to the election he resorted to DON'T VOTE FOR THE FAG. Hello? Joni threatened to beat him up but I knew he'd play right into our hands. When the election was held he was left with the rather tiny lint-head vote while I carried the girl vote, the open-minded guy vote, the third-grade closet case vote and the Ted-hater vote. It was a total blowout and when it was all over Toni beat Ted up anyway. The next day at lunch, Cody O'Brien traded me two Twinkies for a box of raisins – clearly an equal trade. The next day I gave him three Yodels for a Fig Newton. This was my first flirtation.

Or when the universal tolerance of the setting is playfully juxtaposed against the general intolerance of high school society:

Infinite Darlene doesn't have it easy. Being both star quarterback and homecoming queen has its conflicts. And sometimes it's hard for her to fit in. The other drag queens in our school rarely sit with her at lunch; they say she doesn't take good enough care of her nails and that she looks a little too buff in a tank top. The football players are a little more accepting, although there was a spot of trouble last year when Chuck, the second-string quarterback fell in love with her and got depressed when she said he wasn't her type.

It seems to be telling us we have enough to worry about it without also stressing about other people's sexualities. I'm also just glad there's a bisexual, and a real bisexual, in the book. And although his confusion ends up causes a bit of conflict, it is sympathetically presented.

There were a few aspects of Boy Meets Boy that fell a little flat for me – Noah, as I have said, and I was a bit sad that the story of the straight best friend is essentially one of loss. Joni gets into a relationship with an apparently rather controlling guy but we never really get any into her side of things (because Paul doesn't have any) and Paul is never quite able to reconcile with her. For a book about love, in all its forms, this is fair enough, since love and loss travel hand in hand, but it does mean that the one straight person in the entire book abandons her friends the moment she gets into a relationship. This is even more problematic because Boy Meets Boy is dependent on archetypes, rather than characters – what Boy Meets Boy, hopefully unintentionally, seems to be saying through arc is that gay-straight friendships are impossible to sustain, especially since the friendships he maintains, and the new ones he forms over the course of the book are all with gay people. The other thing that made me a little uncomfortable was the fact that Gay Tony's parents, who are unable to accept his sexuality, are highly religious. Of course lots of people who are religious have trouble with teh gay but it always seems to end up being a short-cut for blind homophobia. To Levithan's credit they are not obviously evil, and genuinely love their son, but just as there are problems in your only straight person fucking off into an unhealthy relationship there are problems in having your only homophobes be people of religious conviction.

Minor issues aside, Boy Meets Boy is basically an adorable piece of fluff. It is a hug in a book and I really enjoyed it.

Hero

I feel really bad about Hero because I honestly expected to love it, but as it turned out I just didn't get on with it. Thom Creed's father used to be a super hero but following a National Disaster (the collapse of the Wilton Towers while fighting off an alien, apparently) he's an outcast, a single father trying to raise his son. Thom is gay, and starting to manifest a superpower, two things he knows his father can't stand, and both of which are aspects of himself he feels he has to hide from his father for lose his love and respect. Unexpectedly, Thomas receives an invitation to try out for the League, the official syndicate superheroes, and finds himself on probation with a bunch of other aspiring superheroes.

One of the first books I reviewed for Ferretbrain back in the day was

Soon I Will Become Invincible

, the first superhero “novel” I'd ever read, which I ended up rather enjoying and is told from the perspective of a supervillain. I remember that Jamie and I had a rather tangled discussion – enacted from a perspective of mutual confusion – about the very concept of a superhero NOVEL.Soon I Will Become Invincible was clever and stylish enough that the inherent problems of the form Jamie articulated in his comments didn't become more than a minor issue. Unfortunately, they bugged the crap out of me in Hero. I felt that the narrative was constantly straining against itself – it wanted, and needed, to be a comic. Or about something else. Equally, the tropes of the genre, which are a vital part of any superhero story, are primarily visual, and largely present to bridge the gap between the images and the words. When there are only words these tropes come across as clumsy and lacking in subtlety – instead of bold, dramatic and exciting.

There is a lot to find likeable about Hero, really. The being-gay arc is nicely paralleled by the being-a-superhero arc; in fact as far as metaphors go it works pretty well, feeding into similar feelings of difference, and a pressure to conceal aspects of your identity. I also thought Thom was very well portrayed, in all his confusion, his foolishness and his charm. The scene in which he first meets Goran is particularly effective. Thom works for a mentoring programme for encouraging literacy:

I turned round and saw one of my new students, about my age, standing behind me. “You scared me.” I shut the file cabinet. “What are you doing in there?” He had a thick accent, so his family must have only moved here recently. One of the many English-as-a-second students who came to the centre to learn English … I always felt bad for the ESL students. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I had to take chemistry in Bratislava... “Oh,” I was just looking for something for us to read tonight,” I said, slowly enunciating each word. “Do you like books?” He stared at me. He didn't blink. “See, that's the great thing about learning English. You get to read some cool books and stuff, so it's not all about boring homework.” He still didn't blink. “Books and stuff?” He repeated the words like he was spitting out poison. “Yeah,” I said. “It's pretty fun when you get into it. Reading and all.” Phyllis hurried back in the room... “I see you've met Goran,” she said. “Yes.” I smiled. “I have the feeling he's going to pick up English in no time.” Phyllis looked at Goran to see if I was serious and then looked back at me. “Thom, Goran founded the literacy programme for the older kids here two years ago. I asked him to show you the ropes tonight.” […] Goran, arms folded, stared at me with contempt. Sometimes I am the world's biggest loser.

I did, in fact, really like Thom. He's unflinchingly presented with all his flaws and vulnerabilities, right up to and including his mushy fantasies about Uberman, the most famous superhero in the league. He's nicely complex too, so he's always a very real person, not a stereotype. I liked the fact his fantasies about Uberman are as romantic as well as sexual (heh, being gay is not ONLY about sex), that Thom is quite athletic and his with Goran friendship develops over the course of basketball games, and that his first kiss is something he shares with a stranger because he's basically gone out to pull, and that it's okay that he does this. He doesn't come to any harm as a consequence, he doesn't have a horrible time, and it isn't presented as anything other than the act of a hurt and bewildered teenager.

What didn't work for me at all were the superhero aspects of the text. Although they function well enough on a metaphorical level, in practice I found them banal, overwrought and unsatisfying. It's possible I just missed the point. There are plenty of comic-related in-jokes and references – Uberman is clearly Captain Planet, Justice is Superman by way of Dr Manhatten, and his alienness and loneliness is rather affecting in the few scenes he dominates – and it's amusing enough, I suppose, but the dark-man-dark aspects don't sit very well with the more comedic ones. For example, Thom has a team-mate called Typhoid Larry and I think we are expected to care about him as a person, but Moore doesn't put in the effort necessary to make him anything more than a one-dimensional joke about hilariously unpleasant superpowers. Miss Scarlet, equally, is an angry bitch because her superpowers have horrendous side-effects but she's also incredibly boring. It's a shame because the style and complexity with which Moore depicts Thom, his father and, strangely enough, Justice is completely lacking in the supporting cast. They little more than dull, sub-Watchman stereotypes who obligingly die when it is time for us to feel sadness.

I initially liked the fact that Thom's superpower (healing) is a second-order power – it is far from traditionally glamorous and it is also not the sort of power we might instinctively associate with a man. It also ties in nicely to Thom's development from a self-conscious, self-absorbed teenager to an empathetic adult who cares about the people around him. Unfortunately it soon turns out that super-healing also comes bundled with aspects of super-blowing shit up – so something that could have been genuinely interesting and a little bit subversive basically becomes standard superhero fare. Blah.

The other inherent problem with the superhero format is that it's embedded in short-term, dramatic gestures. Thom's father is another example from the “excellent” spectrum of Moore's characterisation – as a disgraced superhero, the guy clearly has issues, and I thought the complicated, messy and frustrating relationship he has with his son was depicted with sympathy and subtlety. He manages to be an admirable man, a good father and a terrible father all at once; he is also, of course, homophobic but he never becomes a strawman bigot. Thom's father eventually comes to accept Thom's homosexuality but only directly before plot requires him to make the traditional superhero self-sacrifice. This was all very moving but I actually thought it was a cop-out. It is probably pretty easy to come to terms with your own internalised homophobia if you're about to die. Acceptance and tolerance are long-term prospects. They are not about short-term gestures. I would have been much happier if Thom's father had shown his commitment to these values through living with his son, not making an "i wuv you" speech and conveniently dying. I know this probably sounds perilously close to counter-factual criticism but since these issues are a major theme of the novel, it is frankly cheap to offer resolve them via trope.

There's a lot of really good stuff in Hero, and I did enjoy it when I wasn't being frustrated with it. But it really is its own worst enemy and the superhero trappings interfere with the story I was interested in reading.

Ash

This book is so utterly different to the preceding books that makes even more of a mockery of this review collection than it is already. Oh well. Ash is basically a Cinderella-retelling. It's charming but I found it rather insubstantial, but then there's also an extent to which fairy-tales are supposed to be insubstantial. The writing is elegant but in many ways it's a very suppressed book – Ash, is after all, subsumed in grief and despair, following the death of her father, and spends most of the book essentially trying to escape her own life. Left at the mercy of her stepmother she is not horrifically abused, but she is reduced to servant status and her wants and needs become completely irrelevant to those around. As a consequence of this, she is a rather difficult character to find in the text – she is, essentially, suicidal for most of the book - and the overall effect makes reading Ash is somewhat alienating. I did, however, appreciate how anti-dramatic is is. With such a depressing take on the material, it would have been easy to turn it hysterical - but, bleak though it is at times, Ash is very controlled, almost too controlled, since we come so close to losing hold on our central character.

It was not quite what I was expecting in a fairytale retelling but it did grow on me. And though it may be subdued, it is thankfully not self-consciously dark-man-dark about it. There's quite a sophisticated world underpinning this simple story, although it's incredibly lightly sketched, it's less world-building than world-suggesting, which I actually rather enjoyed. The magical elements of the story become entwined with Ash's desire to escape, rendering them both sources of solace and threat. Ash yearns to become part of the fairy world, a world not meant for humans, because the human world offers her nothing, and she sees the annihilation of herself as being a release from pain and grief and loneliness. Her fairy godmother is actually a rather sinister fairy called Sidhean and although her attraction to him, and his world, is understandable, and he is certainly fascinating, it is also never portrayed as anything but unhealthy.

Ash's “handsome prince” is not, however, a prince; it is actually the King's huntress, Kaisa. There is a handsome prince in the story, and Ash does end up dancing with him, but he's delightfully incidental. The romance between Ash and Kaisa unfolds beautifully – the fact they are both women is neither here nor there. Ash is very much framed as a love story, not a coming out out story. Being gay is very deliberately Not An Issue. I liked Kaisa very much, she is strong and sensitive, and clever and, quite frankly, she could have me any day. Unlike Sidhean, and, initially, Ash she is very much a part of the natural, human world. As her friendship with Ash develops, it is significant that one of her first acts is to teach Ash to ride, drawing her back towards the world she wants to leave. For all Kaisa's strength and love though, Ash must ultimately choose to rescue herself.

As I said above, Ash was not quite what I was expecting – a fairytale about a depressed girl who must choose whether to reject fairytales and live in the real world. I appreciated it more, in retrospect, since it is rather a slow and quiet read. On the other hand, the relationship between Ash and Kaisa is awfully romantic. And yay for lesbians.Themes:

Books

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Sci-fi / Fantasy

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Young Adult / Children

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Frank

at 04:09 on 2011-01-14

Hero

is likable. It was easy to escape into without thinking too hard on any possible reveals though the main villain was obvious from the get go. Moore's Aquaman family is sickly funny, and his Superman's (Justice's) superolfactory is a cool twist. What was way unlikable and absolutely did not work in the story was the writing because suddenly I found myself counting how many times Moore used 'suddenly' in the text and was suddenly struck plum dumb after reading it twice in the same paragraph.

I couldn't read it again. But I would see the movie or mini-series if it ever came about.

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Robinson L

at 03:02 on 2011-02-19Oh dear,

Perry Moore, author of Hero has died

, and at a ridiculously young age, too. That's sad.

I might read his book sometime, or one of the others. They all sound moderately-interesting-but-not-essential-reading. (I might read

Boy Meets Boy

just for the writing style, if it's all like that.)

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Wardog

at 11:20 on 2011-02-19Oh no - I feel kind of low key guilty now, for not liking his book.

I'm kind of with Frank actually - I didn't really fixate on it but the writing style was incredibly pedestrian.

Yeah, they were all likeable books - not amazing and essential but definitely a pleasant way to pass an afternoon. In order of liking for me it would be: Boy Meets Boy (I believe he's written a

book for adults

recently, I'm curious), Ash, Hero.

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valse de la lune

at 07:17 on 2011-05-02I'm plodding through

Ash

slowly. The writing style's actually easy to read, but I'm having trouble with how anvilicious the author is; your review does suggest it gets better, or at least subtler.

Lol at a fairy named "Sidhean," though.

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valse de la lune

at 11:56 on 2011-05-02Okay I speed-read through it like a thing that is speedy, but what exactly did Ash do to get out of the bargain with Sidhean? "I'll be yours for one night and the curse will be broken because if you REALLY love me you'll set me freeeee" makes sense... how?

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Wardog

at 19:21 on 2011-05-03I guess I just saw that as typical fairy-tale logic, and didn't really worry about it. Although truthfully I wasn't paying much attention by then, just hoping the Huntress was okay :).

Ash was one of those books I liked more retrospect than while I was reading it - Ash's frozen despair doesn't exactly make it easy or lively to get through.

I think there's a second book out now (Huntress?) and I'm almost tempted. I didn't feel massively passionate about Ash, but I'm starved enough for decent fiction with non-straight female characters in it that I'm happy to go along for the ride.

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valse de la lune

at 19:53 on 2011-05-03

Huntress

is certainly on my to-read list, but before I get to it I'll probably read a bunch of others first. For what it's worth, here are books I've read or which I'll soon read that include gay female characters:

Disturbed By Her Song

, Tanith Lee (nominated for the LAMBDA award, even, though I'm still surprised because Lee's straight and I thought their rule was "author must be LGBT")

Daughters of a Coral Dawn

, Katherine V Forrest

The Female Man

, Joanna Russ

Child Garden

, Geoff Ryman (author is a gay man)

Fire Logic

and

Water Logic

, Laurie J. Marks

And obviously, some of Catherynne M. Valente's stuff (author being herself bi, I believe) particularly

Palimpsest

and

The Orphan's Tales

if you haven't read those already.

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Wardog

at 21:42 on 2011-05-03I find Lee pretty variable, to be honest, although I haven't read that one (adds to list). Some of her stuff I really really love and some of it, well, not so much. Valente is one of those authors I've been meaning to get round to for ages, but I've read (and liked) quite a bit of her critical stuff so I'm terrified I won't like her fiction.

The only examples I can remember off the top of my head are Kushner's The Privilege of the Sword in which the heroine is maybe a lesbian if you squint a bit and cross your fingers, the dreaded oh god no Green, and, well shit, that's it.

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valse de la lune

at 06:54 on 2011-05-04I am... not fond of Kushner; couldn't finish

Swordpoint

and what I know of her collab with Sarah Monette (whose books I'm not fond of either)--

A Companion to Wolves--is that it involves gay people and an awful lot of rape. Can't we have fantasy featuring gay people that's not so rapey all the time? But I agree with you on Lee; she has written things I loved, and things that made me go "she... she can't write." Valente is one of those authors I've been meaning to get round to for ages, but I've read (and liked) quite a bit of her critical stuff so I'm terrified I won't like her fiction. Palimpsest isn't her best, IMO, though a lot of people may disagree--it's got iffy sexual politics (i.e. consent issues)--but the Orphan's Tales duology is almost universally liked. The Female Man opens beautifully, with the female narrator introducing herself and talking about her mother, her other mother, and how she loves her wife Vittoria. Aw hell yeah.

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Wardog

at 18:18 on 2011-05-04I actually quite liked Swordspoint, and to a lesser extent Priviledge. But then I think it was the first of that "type" of book I read. I might be less forgiving nowadays. I thought A Companion to Wolves was Monette and Bear (or are Kushner and Bear the same person, I really have no clue about incestuous author cults), and I read halfway through it, slightly bewildered by both the rapey and, even more objectionable (not really), the *boring*. Also I thought what was going to be an interesting examination of the mythic and the construction of masculinity seemed to just boil into who goes on the bottom ... so... yeah.

I've been trying to control my book buying habits, in that I need to read (and review) what I've already got ... but ... but ... temptation...

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valse de la lune

at 18:31 on 2011-05-04Oh shit, my bad. You're right, it is Monette and Bear.

These writers are all the same to me okay.

Not coincidentally I also don't have much patience for Bear, and that's not just because of her part in Racefail 09: I read

Ink and Steel

and kept going wryyyyyy.

(Oscar Wilde said the only way to deal with temptation is to give in to it. :))