#he is also very closer by NIN coded

[arthurmorganmcgill]

Deacon Fallout4 you are so “Big Mess” by Devo coded

[floralcyanide]

𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 - 𝐣𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐞

jonathan crane x f!reader

“I broke apart my insides, I’ve got no soul to sell. The only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself.” “I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside." "You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything.”

warnings: smut, rough sex, choking, first time, penetrative sex, p in v sex, unprotected sex, spitting, spitballing, cum eating, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), face fucking/ deepthroating, nipple play, orgasm denial, porn with some plot, pwp, wow there's a lot here lol

word count: 2316

authors note: if Dr. Jonathan Crane has a million fans, then I'm one of them. if Dr. Jonathan Crane has one fan, then I'm THAT ONE. if Dr. Jonathan Crane has no fans, that means I'm dead. anyway, I love this man and his character so much, so I had to be feral about him. he's so pretty, and for what??? also Closer by NIN is soooo Jonathan-coded. I don't make the rules. (not beta read, we die like men here)

main masterlist | cillian murphy masterlist | add yourself to the taglist here

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Six months have passed, and you’ve yet to have any form of sex with your boyfriend, Dr. Jonathan Crane. You get that he’s busy most of the time and doesn’t really hold sex to a high standard like most men do. But god, you wanted him to have your way with you already. Jonathan looks like he was hand sculpted by the gods themselves with his piercing blue eyes, strong jawline, and perfect lips. You’d do anything to have his stunning face between your legs. And you seriously mean anything at this point. Both of you trust each other with your lives. Jonathan has taken a while to open up to you, and the last thing he’s yet to show you about himself is his sexuality. 

For the last week, every time you so much as kiss Jonathan, you get irrevocably turned on. Sometimes he’ll give into you and let his tongue explore your mouth, but then he’ll pull away with a satisfied smirk. It’s almost as if he teases you on purpose. But then again, you doubt Jonathan would do it for this long, purposely depriving you of physical affection. But the things he does, don’t surprise you anymore. He could very well be torturing you without you realizing it. 

Everything changes when you stay at Jonathan’s apartment one night. You take a shower and put on your favorite pair of matching lace underwear and a shirt you stole from Jonathan’s dresser the first time you came over. You have no makeup on, you’ve just finished brushing your teeth for bed, and you haven’t put on any pants as of yet. The hem of the shirt is tucked into your underwear unbeknownst to you. So, when Jonathan walks into his bedroom, he sees you standing in the doorway of the en-suite bathroom with his old white t-shirt inside your bright red underwear. You barely notice his eyes turn three shades darker as you go to rinse your mouth.

Jonathan comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as you’re ducked into the sink, spitting out the remainder of your toothpaste. He presses himself against your ass when it sticks out as you bend over. You don’t pay much attention to Jonathan and him being close to you. He was surprisingly clingy. But when you stand up straight and look at him behind you in the mirror’s reflection, you notice his features are much darker than usual.

“Are you-“ You begin to ask if Jonathan is okay, but before you can finish your sentence, his mouth attaches itself to your neck.

With his hands splayed across your stomach underneath your- his shirt, he pulls your hair away from your shoulder. Jonathan then makes eye contact with you in the mirror as his hands travel up your abdomen to your breasts. He gives them a harsh squeeze as he bites down into the skin between your neck and shoulder. You hiss at the feeling of Jonathan being so close to you, touching you like this. You wonder what’s gotten into him but push that thought aside when his fingertips delve past the lace covering your nipples. You gasp as Jonathan circles one with his index finger, licking up your neck and jaw slowly until he reaches the side of your face.

“You look irresistible,” Jonathan breathes into your ear, nibbling at the lobe.

“And what are you gonna do about it?” you ask, biting your lip in anticipation.

Jonathan picks up and throws you over his shoulder, carrying you over to his bed, where he all but gently throws you onto it. Before you can react, Jonathan is on top of you, ripping your underwear clean off your legs. 

“Let me take care of you, darling,” Jonathan coos, pushing the shirt up and over your head before unclasping your bra next.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” you sigh, tugging at his white button-up that he’s yet to change out of.

“I think I have an idea of how long. Show me how bad you want it,” Jonathan says, moving his hands off of you completely.

The urge to rip the man in front of you apart bubbles up in your lower stomach, and you sit on your knees in front of Jonathan. You rip his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere in the room. You leave open-mouthed kisses on his chest as he slides his fingers through your hair, gripping it harshly as he pulls your head back so you can look at him. You stare at him unwaveringly; your eyes half-lidded with growing lust. After studying the smirk on your face, Jonathan lets go of you, and you immediately go for the button and zipper of his trousers. Unbuckling his belt, you yank it out of the belt loops and toss it on the floor. You pull his pants down his hips far enough for you to get where you want. Pulling Jonathan’s cock out, you marvel at it momentarily before taking his head into your warm mouth. There was no way you’d be able to take all of him without gagging, but you’re going to try anyway. You’ve waited too long for this.

“Fuck,” Jonathan keens as you swivel your tongue around him, gathering his precum.

He realizes he’s definitely waited too long for this.

But he has been nervous about being vulnerable around you. He actually cares about you, believe it or not. And doesn’t want to hurt you- not severely, anyway. Only as much as you’ll let him. 

Before Jonathan can tell you to hurry up and take his cock, you slam your nose into his pelvis, letting his tip hit the back of your throat. He lets out the dirtiest moan you’ve ever heard, sending heat straight to your bare core. You’re impossibly wet, rubbing your thighs together as you bob your head along Jonathan’s length with fervor. You let him thrust into your mouth as you helplessly gag around him, spit dribbling down your chin as tears fall from your eyes. Jonathan face fucks you, and you simply take it, enjoying every second of his perfect cock in your mouth. Your fingernails dig into his hips, causing him to bite his lip as he looks down at you. You peek up at him through your eyelashes, pulling him out of your mouth and flicking your tongue on his head. Suddenly, your face is ripped away from his body.

“Lay back on the bed like a good girl for me,” Jonathan growls, your hair in a vice grip in his hand once again.

You quickly crawl to the pillows, lying down as Jonathan discards the rest of his clothing, completely naked and revealed to you at last. You scan his body, freckles dotting the places his clothing hides. They’re not just dusted along his cheeks but his shoulders too. His back is also covered in constellation-like freckles. Jonathan tries not to notice you studying him, but he can’t help but drink in your appearance too. How your waist and hips make the perfect shape, how your breasts are perked up from your arousal, and how your skin looks in the room's lighting. Jonathan looks perfect to you, and you look flawless to him. 

“Beautiful,” Jonathan sighs, kissing your ankle and up your calf until he meets your thigh.

Your breath hitches as his face lingers at your pussy, right where you need him, but then he goes to your other thigh and sucks a mark into your skin there. You throw your legs over his shoulders, and he tilts his head to the side, looking at you with that sassy yet emotionless look of his. 

“Impatient, are we?” Jonathan asks, hovering his lips right over you as his breath hits the sensitive, wet skin.

“Very,” you drawl, glaring at him playfully, “I’ve waited six months for you to eat me out, you know.”

“I’m aware,” Jonathan says, his eyes carefully taking in your anatomy, “I want to make it well worth it, dear.”

You reach down and rake your fingers through his hair, pushing his head closer to you. Jonathan wordlessly attacks your folds, licking intense stripes up and down your slit. He’ll circle your clit with the tip of his tongue before flicking it back and forth on the bundle of nerves, causing you to entangle your fingers deeper into his hair. Jonathan then takes both hands and spreads you open, flattening his tongue and shaking his head vigorously as he laps at you like a thirsting man. 

“Oh fuck,” you moan, thrusting into his face.

Jonathan sneaks a finger into your entrance, curling it against the spongy spot he finds inside you. He strokes it teasingly to the same rhythm of his tongue against your clit. You clamp your thighs against the sides of Jonathan’s head, essentially trapping him. He slips another finger into you, slamming them in and out of you as the sound of your arousal bounces off the walls.

“That feel good, baby?” Jonathan hums, his mouth pulling away from you despite your thighs, his darkened blue eyes boring into yours.

“Mhmm,” you nod, rocking your hips onto his fingers as he adds a third, stretching you out.

“That’s right, fuck yourself on my fingers,” Jonathan gasps, thrusting them faster and harder into you as his thumb finds your bundle of nerves, pressing into it.

You’re so close that you can already feel the knot in your stomach about to come undone. Your hand finds Jonathan’s cheek, caressing it as his eyes meet yours again. You arch your back close to your peak. But then, Jonathan pulls his fingers from you, tucking them into his mouth as you glare at him. He just chuckles darkly at you before grabbing you by the throat.

“Open your mouth,” he demands.

You obey, Jonathan’s grip on your neck dizzying you. He gathers your slick and his spit in his mouth before spitting it into yours, forcing your mouth closed.

“Now swallow like a good girl,” Jonathan says, holding his hand around your throat once more.

You taste yourself on your tongue, swallowing the spit as you were told. 

Jonathan’s hand travels to your face as his thumb pulls your mouth open so he can thoroughly inspect it, “Perfect.”

He sits up, spreading your legs further open so he can line himself up with your begging entrance. Gathering some of the wetness there, Jonathan pushes himself into you slowly. Your hand flies to his shoulder blades, your nails digging into his pale skin. Finally, Jonathan fills you up completely, his hips flush against yours. You throw your head back at the feeling of fullness, the sting of the stretch turning into pleasure. 

“God, Jonathan,” you move your hips a little, “You feel amazing.”

“You’re so tight it’s almost ridiculous,” Jonathan dryly jokes, his hands finding purchase on your hips as he pulls all the way out, then slams back into you.

“Fuck,” you seethe, and one of Jonathan’s hands find their way back to your throat.

He repeats his motion, pulling his hips back then snapping them forward again, gaining a steady pace. You’re a moaning mess as he quickens his rhythm. Jonathan’s face is leant down to your ear as he grunts into it. The headboard begins to slam into the wall behind you, but neither of you care about the dent it’ll probably leave in the drywall. 

“Jonathan,” you drawl out in a high pitched cry, his cock hitting your cervix just right.

“I shouldn’t have waited so long to destroy you like this,” Jonathan says in between his groans, “I love seeing you fall apart underneath me.”

Your eyes screw shut, rolling into the back of your head as he fucks you hard and fast, sure enough to leave you sore tomorrow. The sound and smell of sex fills the room as sweat beads on your forehead. You’re moving your hips at the same time as Jonathan, matching his quick and harsh thrusts. He’s hitting every spot within you just right, the shaft of his cock rubbing your clit perfectly every time he pushes it into you. You start seeing stars behind your eyes from the pressure his fingers are putting on your throat and the building orgasm in your stomach. 

“God, I wanna cum,” you scream, “Please make me cum,” you’re nearly begging incoherently now.

“Fuck, that’s right, beg me. Show me how long you’ve wanted me to fuck your witty little brains out,” Jonathan says behind gritted teeth, his own orgasm peeking over the horizon.

You start babbling and repeating, “Please,” like a mantra until Jonathan hits a spot within you that causes the stars behind your eyes to explode with white light. You feel yourself gush around him as his thrusts become sloppy, your clenching sending him over the edge. Jonathan spills into you as you both ride out your orgasms, whispering each other’s names weakly.

Jonathan runs a hand over his hair, sitting back as he catches his breath and pulls himself out of you. Your chest heaves as you feel the mixture of your cum and Jonathan’s cum seep from you. 

“That was amazing,” you sigh, melting into the mattress.

Jonathan lays down next to you, pulling you into his chest, “We can clean up later. For now, just rest a moment.”

After a brief moment of silence, you finally ask the begging question.

“Why did you wait so long?”

“I was nervous,” Jonathan confesses, “I haven’t let anyone in, in a long time. And I’ve finally let you in enough for you to experience this part of me.”

“I see,” you say, curling your arms around his that are crossed over your breasts.

“Was the wait worth it?” Jonathan asks, burying his face into your neck.

“I think one more round will make it even.”

taglist:

@baizzhu @aporiasposts @hjmalmed @queenshelby @amanda08319 @naty-1001 @orijanko @raineeace @nela-cutie

[joanofexys]

jude angst if it’s exists if not gimme that angel/harper angst pleeeeaaasseee <3

- @ninyard

Nin the way I got SO EXCITED when I saw Jude's name related to an angst ask. I have not talked enough about what I've put this boy through

tws for suicide/suicide ideation and self harm

So I mentioned in the first post I made about Jude that in college he started struggling with suicide ideation and thoughts/desires to self harm and then actually acting on that and I didn't go too much into it other than mentioning it was something he sought help for pretty quickly but let me get into it now

Jude was raised as an only child to two loving and very supportive moms. He grew up with an incredible support system and he's always known that he has people who will have his back for everything.

Jude decides to move out of his childhood home and move closer to USC for his sophomore year when he's 19 years old. He moves out in the summer a couple months before school starts. He is, immediatley, incredibly homesick. He made sure to get a dog friendly apartment but his moms convinced him to wait till he got settled in before moving Stevie out with him. And it just makes things so much worse. He hates having an empty place.

He starts just inserting himself into everyone's business. He knows the coaches are at the court building more often than that and he has the code so he just starts showing up unannounced. He'll sit in the nurses office on an exam table, talking someone's ear off. He naps in Rhemann's office. Coach Lisinski lets him go wild with the equipment before she leaves. They'll let him run laps and throw balls at the goals for hours. He sits in on freshman training, ignores starry eyed looks, and doles out compliments alongside criticism when asked. Anything to not be alone.

Then the school year picks up again and he's anything but prepared. He can't be around people, his team, all the time. Outside of practices everyone has classes and even the people who absolutely adore him can't entertain him 24/7. And there's only so much of Jude sitting in his office to do homework that Rhemann can handle.

By October he's actively self harming. It's easy to do in an empty apartment with no one around to catch him. Easy to lie to his teammates when he genuinely feels happy on the court, surrounded by them. By November he decides he's had enough "settling in" and brings Stevie with him when he visits home for thanksgiving. It helps a little. He accepts fewer invitations to go out. Spends most nights on the bathroom floor, cabinet handles digging into his back, and calls his moms every time he's done. Every time he tries to force the words past his throat. To tell them he's not okay, that he just hurt himself again, and he wants to go home. Instead he laughs, puts a smile on his face, says "yeah, yeah it's been good. Yeah I'm really proud of the team. You know, classes have been hard but the challenge is good. Love you too, good night", and hopes his voice doesn't crack. Stevie sleeps in his bed every night, he feels bad that she has to see him cry every night and thinks maybe he's not taking care of her properly. But she's also one of the only things keeping him going and maybe it's selfish but he can't bring her back home.

He goes home for Christmas, enjoys his winter break. For a few weeks it stops. He doesn't know how to hide his self harm when he's sharing space with people so he stops trying to sneak off to the bathroom or his room. It makes him sick to his stomach when he realizes that he misses it. That he had found some comfort and relief in the repetitiveness of it and how easy it had become. He goes back to school and by mid January he shoots Rhemann an email asking if he can stay after practice and they can talk. It all comes pouring out and it's messy. He wrote it all down on a piece of paper so he could actually get it out. He managed to get through about 3 sentences before his voice cracked and the ugly crying started. He gave the paper over to Rhemann to read, rambling through an explanation rife with apologies.

He spends 2 weeks benched, a month and a half with shorter play time on the court. Two weeks for trying to find a therapist, seeing a doctor, and getting prescribe anti-depressants for the first time. the month and a half for while he's adjusting to the medication while he tries to find the right dosage. He's tired a lot throughout this, not at his best, more apathetic than he's ever been. He just feels numb. He hates every minute about it.

It's the medication they figure out first. Once they get him on the right meds with the right dose and he adjusts he's not so tired all the time. He starts playing longer during games, he's fully involved in every practice. He swings by practices he doesn't need to be at. He's out of the house again, actively choosing to spend time with his team. Stevie comes with him about 80% of the time. He spends the summer with his moms and moves back in with them his junior year. His senior year he moves back out but gets a roommate this time, a very excited Cody Winter. (the fact that the current senior and 5th year seniors in tsc were Jude's little freshmen & sophomore's is everything to me tbh)

So yeah, I swear he gets better and I guess I couldn't help myself with adding a little bit of comfort and noting that things did get better for him but there's some of Jude's angst. As I was writing this I had another thing for him that's angsty pop into my head but this is long enough as is

[yangssunglasses]

11 + 16, admiration

Thank you for the prompt! I additionally used prompt for Day 3 “secret” from FemslashFeb2020.

Pairing: Tsunade/Mikoto (as far as I know this might be the first fic for this random pair)

Rating: M (non-explicit)

Length: 2k+

Available on: FFN / AO3

.

admiration, secret

.

From birth, Uchiha Mikoto was ingrained with a sense of propriety. She was raised to be graceful, controlled, refined in every way, not a hair out of place, a demure smile like a mask hiding her true feelings while she served exquisite cuisine and poured drinks. A perfect yamato nadeshiko in the making.

If she used those skills to poison, cheat, steal and murder, all the better. She was a proud kunoichi of Konoha. Everything that made her an ideal future bride, also made her an effective operative. She took her natural gifts—her charm, her pretty face, the tinkling laugh hiding the mirthless, deadly eyes—and used them, no matter how dirty it made her feel. It was for the village. And for a time she was content with the missions she flawlessly completed.

Until a blonde hurricane descended upon her and swept her off her feet.

Mikoto was planted in the inn deep in the Iwa territory, gathering information about their movements and deployments in the war. Unfortunately, her fellow worker noticed her sending off a coded message. Full of worst premonitions and convinced that it was a matter of days before her cover would be blown, Mikoto sent a request for extraction.

Then the Iwa team came for her in a broad daylight, a day earlier than the fastest Konoha team would show up. She ran, with her life on the line abandoning all pretense of ever being a civilian. In her desperation she blew behind her a grand fireball, the only combat jutsu she knew, and started a fire, hoping it’d slow down the pursuing Iwa-nin.

She almost believed it actually worked when they caught her at the outskirts of the village. A wall of rock grew right in front of her, blocking her only way of escape. She turned around, but the Iwa team surrounded her, coming closer. Mikoto was well and truly cornered. Grim-faced, she pulled a dagger out of her obi, determined to make this her last stand. They would not take her back alive.

The fight was short and brutal, the Iwa-nins overwhelming her with their numbers. The dagger was kicked out of her hand and she fell to her knees in defeat as her long, beautiful hair was grabbed in a painful hold.

“Well, well, well, we’ve found ourselves a Konoha spy. Our torture master will be delighted to meet you, bitch,” the team’s leader told her and chuckled, his fellows laughing along.

Mikoto was stiff with fear, but she still looked up, locking her jaw and refusing to show any weakness. “I’m afraid I have to decline the invitation. Perhaps another time?” she said drily.

“You have a pretty voice. Don’t worry, you will sing for sensei after he burns off that pretty nose and ears!” the man replied with a laugh.

Mikoto couldn’t quite restrain her shudder. She glanced around, searching for some form of escape, but found nothing of use. She swallowed thickly and squeezed her eyes shut. If the help wasn’t coming, then she had no choice… Her tongue found the false tooth filled with a poison capsule. Just one bite and this would be over…

A fist smashed through the stone wall, a green blur shooting towards the Iwa-nin and punching straight through his ribcage. His fingers loosened, freeing Mikoto’s hair from the brutal hold. The man died with a gurgle and slid off the arm of a blonde Konoha kunoichi dressed in a standard uniform. No, not a kunoichi—a shinobi, Mikoto corrected herself. A real combat specialist.

The other two Iwa-ninja reeled in shock at their leader’s sudden demise, then attacked the woman furiously, but she effortlessly batted them away like weak pups. Except that her hits were absolutely lethal, pulverizing her foes in an instant.

The woman then turned to Mikoto with a concerned look in her amber eyes. “You okay?” she asked, scanning her for injuries. She seemed so bright, like the sun shining at noon.

Mikoto’s heart leapt and she nodded shakily. “I… I think so…” she replied.

“Let me check,” the woman decided and knelt next to her. She raised her hand, then halted, realizing it was still dripping with blood. After wiping it on the grass, she lightly put it on Mikoto’s sternum. It lit up with the green chakra of a medical ninjutsu. “Hmm… Broken ribs, give me a minute to fix that…” the woman muttered with a focused look. Mikoto sighed in relief, feeling her injuries disappear.

“All good. Now, let’s get out of here, Princess,” the woman said with a smile and got up. She extended her hand to help Mikoto up. The same hand that impaled an enemy, then healed her just as easily, was small and unbelievably soft to the touch. It felt like a hand of the finest royal lady that never worked a day in her life.

“I’m Mikoto. Thank you for your assistance, shinobi-san. I was sure the extraction team would come tomorrow,” Mikoto said, remembering her manners.

“Good thing that I was closer. And faster than those slowpokes. I’m Tsunade, by the way.”

Mikoto started. “Tsunade-hime of the Sannin?” she asked.

Tsunade laughed. “Between the two of us, you’re the princess. Let’s get going before more rock-faces come this way,” she said and pulled Mikoto along with her.

It took them three days of a grueling travel, narrowly dodging pursuers from Iwa, to get to the nearest Konoha war camp, where Tsunade cheerfully reported her mission’s success, handed Mikoto off to the brass, then skipped off to the medical tent to work her magic. Mikoto stayed behind for a briefing with her controller who would then pass on everything to Konoha.

“Good job, Uchiha. Glad to have you back in one piece,” the man clapped her on the shoulder. “Go get something to eat. You may report back tomorrow morning for your next assignment.”

Dismissed, Mikoto tiredly got up and trudged off. The field rations they had at camp were chunky and disgustingly bland, but filled her stomach. She stared at the empty wrappers, contemplating her next assignment. She knew what that meant—she’d be sent somewhere far away, maybe Kiri border, maybe back to Konoha. Three days ago it wouldn’t have mattered to her, but now her mind was filled with thoughts of blonde hair, amber eyes and that cocky grin. She needed to see Tsunade again before she had to go.

Almost without conscious decision her steps took her to the medical tent. There was a commotion inside. She heard familiar shouting and a person was hurled out of it. Tsunade appeared in the entrance, her stern face twisted in displeasure.

“And don’t come back here or I’ll kill you with my bare hands!” she threatened. The hapless soul that drew her ire scrambled back in fear, then ran.

“Is everything alright? What did she do?” Mikoto asked.

“Oh, they let you out already? Never mind, this was nothing. Just getting rid of an idiot that was going to kill a patient with her incompetence,” Tsunade explained. “Stupid council. This wouldn’t have happened if passing my recommended course was required for field medic certificate.” She looked back into the tent and exhaled. “Damn it, and we need every pair of hands in here.”

Mikoto’s heart thudded in her chest and she jumped on her chance. “Maybe I could help? I may not be a certified medic, but I’m good with a needle and I can administer first aid,” she offered.

Tsunade looked surprised at first, then took her in and grinned. “Wash your hands and you’re in. I need an assistant.”

Mikoto nodded, doing her best not to betray her eagerness for the task.

The work was bloody, long, dirty, thankless and draining. But there was also something refreshing and clean about it that Mikoto liked. In Tsunade’s world, she didn’t have to worry about being perfect. Her worth wasn’t determined by her beauty. There was no subterfuge, just a simple, straightforward goal—to heal as many as she could.

After making a whole round through the medical tent and attending all the injured, Mikoto took Tsunade outside. They sat on a bench and looked up at the stars.

Tsunade rubbed her temples tiredly, loose blonde locks slipping out of her pigtails. “Some of them won’t survive,” she said bleakly, then clenched her fists. “If only I’ve gotten here sooner, then maybe…!”

Mikoto gently took her hand, opened it and then wiped it clean with a warm, wet towel, before doing the same with the other. “Don’t beat yourself over this. You’re not god, you can’t save everyone, Tsunade-hime,” she said softly, dabbing her forehead with the towel.

Tsunade sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing under her touch as Mikoto continued to stroke her temples soothingly. “I know, I know, Princess.”

From up close, Tsunade’s features looked delicate and deceptively fragile, her eyelids smudged with little rest. Mikoto regarded her with admiration, thinking that this woman deserved the royal title bestowed upon her, but not because of her birthright. She was so much more than just a kunoichi, a warrior, a princess or a medic. Mikoto acknowledged to herself that she was merely well-bred, but Tsunade—Tsunade was noble to the very core. Her light was like the sun, shining brightly and pulling everything around into her orbit.

Mikoto chanced a look at Tsunade’s coral lips. They seemed soft and open, welcoming. On impulse, she leaned in and kissed them lightly before quickly pulling away.

Tsunade blinked. “What was that?” she asked in wonder, her tone low and breathy.

Mikoto self-consciously tucked a strand of her raven black hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, I overstepped. I’m just… grateful. In the time you used to save me, you could have healed many more injured.”

She shouldn’t have done this, she was an Uchiha, Tsunade was a Senju. Even if they weren’t both women, what she’d done was completely improper. There may be peace between their clans now, but centuries of tradition and bad blood didn’t just disappear overnight. Her fate was already decided, a husband and the children she would bear him, but her stubborn Uchiha heart didn’t listen to reason. Tsunade made her feel like no one ever had before and for the first time in her life, Mikoto yearned for something she could never truly have. She didn’t want to be refined, but bold and daring. She wanted to reach for the sun and not get burned.

Tsunade looked at her tenderly and cupped Mikoto’s cheek, stroking it with her thumb. “Don’t be stupid, Princess. You just said I can’t save everyone. I’m glad I came for you.”

Their gazes locked and Mikoto was transfixed. The amber eyes searched her for permission which she gave by tilting her chin up. Tsunade closed the distance and kissed her, gentle and firm. Mikoto was soaring among the clouds. The kiss deepened, eager lips and wet tongues exploring frantically until they parted in a daze, flushed and gasping for breath.

“How long do we have?” Tsunade asked.

“I’m leaving in the morning,” Mikoto told her. Tsunade only nodded. There was no use for sadness and regret. What mattered was the time they had now. She took Mikoto’s hand.

“Come with me,” she said and led her to a private tent, a luxury set aside for one of the Sannin.

There on a simple pallet, Tsunade made love to her, long, slim fingers opening a virginal passage, her expert touch causing Mikoto to see stars again. Mikoto worshipped her body in turn, fingers and tongue tracing fiery patterns on a golden skin and after they were both warm and sated, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

In the early morning, Mikoto woke up and dressed quietly.

“Thank you,” she whispered and kissed Tsunade on the diamond mark in the middle of her forehead, before slipping out of the tent. She could never speak of this, but she would always treasure that one stolen night with the rightful princess of Konoha. For one night, she was not a kunoichi or an Uchiha, she was just Mikoto, the lover of the most incredible woman in the world.

They never met again, but Mikoto blushed whenever she heard a mention of Tsunade. If asked about it, she always smiled demurely and lowered her gaze.

“I just admire Tsunade-hime so much. I’m quite a fan of hers. Did you know she once saved my life?” she then said. Technically, it was all true. Just not accurate. There were no more questions.

And when her son stabbed her through the heart, Mikoto took her secret to the grave.

[myaekingheart]

40. The First Valentine’s Day

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

                Rei paced her apartment, turning her ANBU mask over in her hands. It still felt so foreign to her, so strange. She had only been in the black ops for a couple months now. She hated how she still felt scared and unsure. She hated how her head burned every time she thought about the door down the hallway. Kakashi.

               There were two days until Valentine’s Day, the holiday in which women show their appreciation to the men in their lives with giri-choco and honmei-choco. The streets of Konoha were bustling with happy, smiling women invading sweets shops and walking out with boxes for their boyfriends. Rei had never known such a privilege. Now, however, she was terrified of delving deep into this maddening holiday. If she wanted to, in two days she could very clearly confess her feelings for Kakashi Hatake.

               Truthfully, she couldn’t recall when she realized she had fallen in love with him. Maybe it wasn’t so much a defining moment but a feeling she had always had, before she even understood what romantic love was. She would wait for him to arrive home from the academy everyday, swinging her legs on the front porch. When she would finally see him walking up the lane, her heart would explode into her chest and a warmth and excitement would overwhelm her. She could hardly contain herself.

               When he left, she felt as if she would never feel happiness ever again. He had abandoned her, betrayed her. He, one of the few supporters of her dream. She remembered locking herself away in her bedroom, testing the sharpness of her new set of kunai. She desperately wanted pain not because she was numb or felt like she deserved it but because she just ached to hurt herself even further. She couldn’t understand what it was that she had done wrong, why Kakashi had drastically changed his mind on her. She saw a darkness in his eyes that, at the time, was wildly unfamiliar. She was terrified.

               He would step foot in Kaminoki every week during her sixteenth year, searching for new books to read. She hated the way she felt in his presence. For a moment, she swore she hated everything about him, but then he would stroll up to the checkout counter and smile at her as if she was another citizen he was obligated to be polite to, as if there weren’t so many years of history between them. Perhaps he had forgotten, or was trying to forget. Did he have any idea the kind of pain he had put her through? And yet every time she saw him, that same warmth blanketed her body and she felt her heart swell. She wished she could stop it, but she had no control. Kakashi was a puppeteer controlling her emotions, swinging her from one end of a pendulum to the other and she was powerless to stop him.

               She had obviously known he was a part of the black ops. He wore the tattoo on his shoulder with pride, unlike all the others who hid their affiliation and wandered the streets unknown. Her own recruitment was a whirlwind of emotions, but in the back of her mind she feared her reunion with Kakashi. She wasn’t prepared to face those feelings once again.

               And yet here she was, pacing her apartment months later with her affections in full swing. How do you tell someone you’ve known your whole life that you are madly, irrevocably in love with them? Especially for someone who hates sweets on a holiday defined by candy. Her head was spinning. She tossed her mask across the room and sunk down in front of the bed, pressing the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. She knew if she was to have any hope of figuring out what to do about this, she had no other choice but to consult a third party.

               Naru nearly caused a scene at the mere mention of Rei admitting her feelings. She squealed and flailed her arms like a maniac, grabbing onto Rei’s arm and shaking her excitedly. “I’ll start planning the wedding! Your bridesmaids should wear blue, and you should have a bouquet of forget-me-nots and get married under a big arch and—”

               “Naru!” Sekkachi shouted, pulling the blonde from her daydreams. “Calm down, quit jumping the gun.” Rei glanced at her thankfully as Naru composed herself and scooted back into her seat, whispering a soft apology. “So” Sekkachi then said once things had calmed down, “You want to tell him you like him. I don’t see what the big deal is, why can’t you just tell him straight up?”

               “Because” Rei sighed, “I just…that’s not…”

               “Where’s the romance in that, Sekkachi?!” Naru exclaimed. “She needs to impress him, sweep him off his feet, show him that she’s worthy of his love!”

               “That sounds excessive” Sekkachi commented.

               “I-I don’t know” Rei said. “I’ve never done something like this before. I’m not exactly an expert in all that romance shit. I don’t know, what am I supposed to do?”

               “Well there’s chocolate! That’s the usual Valentine’s Day gift” Naru suggested.

               Rei shook her head. “But he hates sweets.”

               “How about flowers?” the blonde replied.

               “I could…” Rei shrugged, “But I don’t even know where to begin with that. Flowers are complicated, what do I pick to express how I’m feeling? I don’t want the message to be misconstrued.”

               Sekkachi took a sip of her tea and added, “Well, there’s also lap dances, edible underpants, promises you don’t intend to keep.”

               “Sekkachi!” Naru exclaimed. A few heads turned. “She is a woman in love, not a prostitute!” Naru then whispered frantically. “It needs to be something sweet and romantic and kind! Something that tells Kakashi she wants to be in a loving, committed relationship with him, not some stupid one night stand!”

               Sekkachi shrugged. “Well, do I look like I celebrate Valentine’s Day? And what do you do for this most wonderful day of the year, Naru?”

               The blonde narrowed her eyes and tightened her grip on her tea. “Not everything has to be about sex, you know” she said through gritted teeth. Sekkachi shrugged casually and leaned back in her seat. Rei buried her face in her hands. This was becoming a disaster. Every time the three of them met up, she was reminded yet again of why they shouldn’t.

               “This is becoming such a hassle” she groaned. “You know what? Maybe I’ll just skip out on this and try again next year. It’s not like Kakashi is going anywhere anyway, right? And even if he does, then shame on me, oh well! Better luck next time, kiddo!”

               “Rei…” Naru said, voice gentle. She reached out to rest her hand upon the redhead’s forearm, but Rei rose from her seat before she could make contact.

               “I’ll see you guys later, alright?” she said, and with that she was gone.

               Naru glared at Sekkachi the moment Rei left, anger in her eyes. “This is your fault” she accused.

               “My fault?” Sekkachi asked, borderline offended. “Sorry for promoting healthy sex lives.”

               “If you had just let me ease her into this, she wouldn’t have gotten overwhelmed!” Naru insisted. “This is a big deal for Rei, Sekkachi. Not like you’d understand.”

               “What is that supposed to be mean?” Sekkachi asked. “At least all of my relationships have been healthy. You can’t even hold a guy for more than two weeks.”

               Naru gritted her teeth. “It takes time to find the right one!” she insisted. “At least I have lots of experience. How many people have you been with? Three?”

               Other diners were beginning to take notice of the argument. A waitress chewed her bottom lip, considering whether to approach them and ask them to leave. Rei swore she could hear them fighting all the way down the street. Definitely a bad idea, she thought to herself, defeated.

               Early the following morning, she was called into the hokage’s office. Her heart pounded as she traversed those steps, wary of what was to come. The leftover anxiety had left a sour taste in her mouth. Logically, she knew this was likely just a routine assignment but the hokage’s words, her secret mission, were in the back of her mind always. She was terrified she had somehow already failed.

               Lord Third motioned for her to enter his office, where three other ANBU stood awaiting her. One of them was unmistakably Kakashi. She stood beside the others as the hokage detailed their mission: track down a missing-nin that had been reportedly spotted near an ancient shrine on the outskirts of town. “The shrine of the demon Kataomoi has been foretold to bring about great destruction should someone enter and resurrect the demon. We suspect our enemy will make his attempt on Valentine’s Day, likely to wreak havoc on a holiday dedicated to love” the hokage explained. Rei’s throat constricted. So this would interfere with Valentine’s Day. A part of her was almost relieved to hear this, knowing that this would give her more time to figure out what to do. If she was lucky, Kataomoi would devour her whole and she wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.

               “So what’s the legend behind this Kataomoi, anyway?” one of the other ANBU asked. Rei recognized her as the other girl Tenshi had been hanging out with during training. Her name, as Rei had soon learned, was Mikazuki. She had a plain face and black hair cropped at her chin, with thick bangs covering her forehead.

               “They say Kataomoi is the demon of unrequited love” the other ANBU, Ro, explained. Rei had never met him before, but he was quite a bit older than they were and built like a mountain. “She feasts on the anger people feel from being rejected by their beloved. She was sealed away in this shrine one hundred years ago and is guarded by a prophecy written in a coded language no one has been able to decipher. It is said that in this prophecy is where all of the secrets behind this demon are held. The fact that someone is considering resurrecting it, especially around Valentine’s Day, is quite concerning.”

               The trip to the shrine was long and tense. They all stayed silent and on-guard, keeping watch for anything suspicious that might arise. The closer they came to the shrine, however, the more Rei’s stomach began to twist until she felt fatigued and nauseous. She wasn’t sure what it was, but perhaps this demon was affecting her more than she had expected. Or maybe she was just overthinking things.

               Ro’s summary of Kataomoi’s legend weaseled it’s way into her psyche. The demon of unrequited love. But she wasn’t in unrequited love, was she? She still wasn’t entirely sure. She thought about her first mission with Kakashi, the way he swooped in and saved her, revisited that name he had called her when they were children. Aisuruhito.

               But all of that meant nothing. It was just a formality. A polite gesture. Why would he love her anyway? Now she was starting to sound like Tenshi. But really, what reason did he have for loving her? She wasn’t particularly beautiful, she had no experience, was short-tempered and talentless. Meanwhile Kakashi was strong and skilled, revered and feared by so many. He could have any girl he wanted, and girls certainly would line up in spades for him. He had no reason to pick her.

               They arrived at the shrine near nightfall, the surrounding area completely empty. “I don’t sense any chakra” Mikazuki enforced. Their only option, then, was to camp out for the night and watch for anyone suspicious.

               “I’ll take first shift” Ro offered. The three of them nodded in agreement and set up for their slumber. Rei could hardly sleep the entire night, however. She knew sleep deprivation would ruin her awareness, make her a liability, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to pass out. She rolled over to find Kakashi lying next to her, eyes wide open, staring up at the stars.

               “You can’t sleep either, huh?” he asked, eyes locked overhead. Rei nodded slowly once the shock faded from her face.

               “Why are you still awake?” she whispered.

               Kakashi sighed then and rolled over onto his side, resting his head against his hand. Her heart pounded. “I don’t know, I just can’t seem to fall asleep.”

               “S-same…” Rei replied. There was a long stretch of silence as they looked at each other, tensions building, before Kakashi then stood up and extended a hand to her. “W-what are you doing?” she asked. She glanced to Mikazuki fast asleep. They really shouldn’t be leaving her behind.

               “While we’re awake” Kakashi said, “I want to show you something.” Rei sucked in a deep breath, then glanced to Mikazuki once again before taking Kakashi’s hand and following him through the trees.

               He led her to the entrance to the shrine, which was really just a large cave with an inscribed boulder near the mouth. “Why did you bring me here?” she asked.

               “I’ve been thinking a lot about this prophecy” Kakashi explained. “No one has ever been able to figure out what it says. I wanted to come and take a look for myself, see if I could make anything out.”

               Rei nodded slowly, then stepped closer to the stone. Along the top were the words, in plain text, “Whosoever can decipher this text must be of a particular mind. Only they can truly seal away Kataomoi’s power.”

               “Of a particular mind…” Kakashi repeated out loud. “But what does that mean?”

               “Maybe it has to do with some type of jutsu” Rei pondered. “Like, only people with kekkai genkai or something.” The assumption wasn’t totally offbase. There were other such things in the world restricted to those with special abilities. Unfortunately, she wasn’t exactly one of them.

               They stood there for a while staring at this stone, trying to figure out it’s meaning. The lines etched into the front didn’t seem to make any sense. After a long moment, there was a rustling in the brush from behind. Rei and Kakashi locked eyes then whipped out their kunai, fully prepared for battle.

               “Stay your weapons” a deep voice called. With arms raised, stepping into the clearing was none other than Ro. “What is it that you two are doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping? And where’s Mikazuki?”

               “Mikazuki’s fine” Rei replied. “She’s out like a light.”

               “We couldn’t sleep” Kakashi explained. “So we figured while we were awake, we might as well take a look.”

               “You strayed from the plan” Ro replied. “You should go back. Mikazuki is vulnerable, she could easily be captured by the enemy.”

               Kakashi shook his head. “Mikazuki will be fine” he insisted. Ro looked at him doubtful, narrowing his eyes. He was not typically one to defy his team leaders, but this was a serious situation. Kakashi approached slowly and explained, “I know Mikazuki will be fine. I trained her when she entered the ANBU. I know what she is capable of. Her kekkei genkai will keep her safe.”

               Ro was not entirely convinced. “What kekkei genkai?” he asked. Rei was just as curious. She didn’t know Mikazuki very well, but she was sure if she had some sort of special ability, she would know about it. She was in the same training group as she was—how did she not know?

               “Mikazuki possesses a specific dojutsu exclusive to the Zazen clan” Kakashi explained. “She is one of the only people left to wield it: the shikantazagan.”

               “Well then that just makes her even more susceptible to being captured” Ro argued.

               Kakashi shook his head. “The shikantazagan is powerful, but Mikazuki has trained hard to master it’s power. It is essentially a third eye and heightens the awareness of its possessor even if they are asleep. Hence why I’m sure she will be fine.”

               “Is that why Lord Hokage sent her on this mission?” Ro asked. “Can her dojutsu dechiper the prophecy on the stone?”

               “I don’t know” Kakashi replied. “We’ll have to find out when she wakes up.” Ro gave a single, definitive nod, and then that was that. Rei gasped as Kakashi placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her back to camp where Mikazuki was fast asleep. There was still forty five minutes left until they were meant to change shifts. As Rei laid down, she caught sight of a third eye on Mikazuki’s forehead beneath her bangs. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to get some semblance of sleep.

               It was late into the night, almost morning, when they heard it. Mikazuki had been on guard duty only a few minutes, Kakashi just settling in for some sleep. The kunoichi’s scream echoed through the forest. Jumping to his feet, Kakashi grabbed Rei by the wrist and rushed off with her toward the source of the sound. Ro followed close behind.

               In the clearing, standing before the prophetic stone, stood the enemy. He held Mikazuki hostage with a kunai to her throat. “What luck have I got?” he laughed maniacally. “A rare shikantazagan user right when I need her the most!”

               “Let her go!” Kakashi insisted, his own kunai drawn. The harshness of his voice, the determination, struck something unnerving within Rei.

               “Why would I?” the enemy replied. “She is the key to awakening Kataomoi’s power!”

               Kakashi gritted his teeth, rushing forward with Ro close behind. As they pursued the enemy, Rei used her chameleon jutsu in an attempt to sneak up on the man and perhaps catch him from behind. Mikazuki, however, sensed the redhead’s chakra and gave her location away. The enemy elbowed Rei in the chest and sent her tumbling back into the dirt.

               Rei groaned, gasping for breath, as she tried to lift herself up off the ground. It was no use. He must’ve channeled all his chakra into that hit, she thought to herself. She coughed into the ground and then rolled onto her back in an effort to catch her breath. The further back she tilted her head, however, the more of the stone she could see. The markings looked strange and different from this angle, and as she turned her head slowly to the left… “Oh my god…!”

               Kakashi locked eyes with Ro in a silent affirmation. They needed to free Mikazuki so she could translate the prophecy and seal away Kataomoi’s power once and for all. As they fought, Rei dug into the holster on her thigh and pulled out another kunai, launching it so that it just barely whizzed past Kakashi’s ear. He immediately turned to Rei and, upon seeing her on the ground, rushed to her aide.

               “Rei, are you okay?” he asked, kneeling down beside her. He went to help her up but she stopped him.

               “I figured out the prophecy!” she announced.

               “You what?” he asked.

               “You don’t need any sort of special kekkei genkai to figure it out, you’ve just gotta be upside down!” she explained. “It’s a really weird angle, no wonder no one has ever been able to read it before.”

               “Well, what does it say?” Kakashi replied. There was more urgency in his voice this time. A part of him was unsure whether or not he should really believe her—he knew she had no real reason to lie, but still felt a reasonable amount of doubt.

               “You’re not going to believe me when I tell you” Rei said. Kakashi insisted she explain anyways. With a sigh, she replied, “It’s not a note so much as it’s a visual. The lines come together to create a picture that conveys a message.”

               Kakashi began to lay down beside her and tipped his head back to try and get a look of his own. “I don’t see anything” he replied. “I can’t make out any images.”

               Ro, in the midst of a heated battle with the enemy nin, looked over to see the two of them laying down together and groaned. “It is my utmost suggestion that you refrain from resting at a crucial time such as this!” he shouted.

               Rei swatted the air dismissively. “Can you just give us, like, five seconds? I’m working on something!” she shouted. Then, turning her attention back to Kakashi, she began pointing at different parts of the tablet and trying to explain the image. “See the way that line curves there, and how those two lines meet right there? Cock your head a little further to the left, like that. Do you see it now?”

               Kakashi blinked a few times, then his face went beet red. “Oh no…”

               Ro grimaced. “Oh no what?” he called to Kakashi. “What is going on over there?”

               The copy ninja turned to look at his comrade, then back at Rei. “I need to rescue Mikazuki and take this enemy down so you two can strengthen the seal on this demon once and for all” he replied. Rei nodded once, then watched him race off to help the others. Through teamwork, he and Ro were able to release Mikazuki from the enemy’s grasp. She fell to the ground with a gasp, then ran off toward Rei.

               “So what is this prophecy anyway?” she asked. Rei drew her close, tucked her dark hair behind her ear and whispered what she had seen. All three of Mikazuki’s eyes widened and her face flushed. “A-are you sure?” she asked. Rei nodded confidently.

               It was nightfall by the time the battle had ended. Ro tied the newly unconscious enemy up and hoisted him over his shoulder like a ragdoll or naughty child, carrying him off to the village for questioning. As they went, he eyed his comrades curiously. Kakashi’s fingers twitched as he walked alongside Rei, who was busy chatting with Mikazuki in whom she had somehow found a new friend. Clearing his throat, Ro then asked, “So what exactly did this prophecy speak of, anyway?”

               Mikazuki froze, not wanting to be the one who had to answer. She refused to repeat what Rei had whispered in her ear.

               Kakashi chuckled and replied vaguely, “Let’s just say it was very fitting for the demon of unrequited love.”

               “Well, what was it?” Ro asked. There was a long stretch of silence then before finally, it was Rei who piped up.

               “Is no one else brave enough to say it?” she asked.

               “Well, you were the one who figured it out” Mikazuki replied. “It’s only fair you be the one to tell him.”

               Rei’s face went deadpan. “Alright, fine! You make a good point” she said. Then, turing to Ro, she said flat-out: “Penis!” The mountain of a man paused, his eyes widening. What did she just say? He tried to stammer out a question of clarification but it was too late. Rei was already getting started. “Apparently if you lay on your back and tilt your head all the way back and to the left a bit, the markings on the stone depict just that: a big, fat, erect penis.”

               Kakashi could barely keep himself from losing it. Mikazuki buried her face in her hands, desperate to disappear. Ro couldn’t wrap his head around it. “A…a penis…?”

               The redhead nodded. “Mmhmm. Tamakeri, too” she added.

               “B-but the particular mindset…” Ro stammered.

               “Yep, apparently it wasn’t a kekkei genkai at all. Just really fucking perverted” Rei explained.

               Ro couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t sure which was worse: how screwed up this all was, or knowing now that his comrade was so dirty-minded. The look on his face was enough to break Kakashi’s composure.

               “I told you it was a fitting picture for Kataomoi” Kakashi commented with a chuckle.

               Mikazuki sighed and shook her head. “If you don’t mind, when we get back to the village, let’s please never say a word of this ever again?” she asked. To think, putting her shikantazagan to use on something so filthy. If word of this slipped, she feared it would surely tarnish her reputation.

               “Oh, we’ll probably talk about this” Rei replied. “But I guess we’ll just leave you out of it.” She laughed as Mikazuki’s face went deadpan. Her amusement was cut short, however, when Mikazuki failed to warn her about a rather large dip in the ground. Rei’s foot got caught in the deep indent and she went flying forward, but rather than ram face first into the ground, she found herself suspended mere inches away from it. She looked up to find Kakashi had grabbed her hand and her cheeks blushed. He pulled her back to her feet and smiled.

               “You know, you should really watch where you’re going” he said. The way he looked at her, and the way he didn’t let go of her hand immediately, filled Rei with the strangest feeling as if an electric current pulsed through her entire body. Something inside of her switched on, and it was in that moment that she knew maybe her prior fears weren’t so serious after all. Perhaps she had just been overthinking things, and her hopes were not yet dashed.

               The following morning, she set off on yet another mission. As she leapt from branch to branch alongside her comrades, she envisioned how things were going back home. Kakashi had awoken bright and early, scruffing his hair and sliding out of bed. As he rose to get dressed, however, a slip of paper beneath his front door captured his attention. He approached cautiously, tugging it out from under the door and unfolding it. I hope these don’t kill you. I don’t know, I tried.

               Who hopes what don’t kill him? Kakashi was certainly confused. He slowly unlocked his front door and peered out to find a small red box sitting on his doorstep. He picked it up carefully and carried it inside, sitting it on his desk before lifting the lid up to find a small assortment of little truffles, dark chocolate topped with walnuts. Kakashi raised a brow, then took another look at the note. He suddenly knew from the penmanship exactly who this was from and quite frankly, was rather impressed. He wasn’t typically one for sweets, but he picked up one of the candies and popped it into his mouth anyway, a small smile touching his lips. They weren’t overly sweet, thanks to the bitter dark chocolate and nuts, and he assumed Naru had walked her through the process on how to make them. He placed the lid back on top of the box and then walked to the window, staring out across the tops of buildings toward the main gate. It was the day after Valentine’s Day and for once, there was no unrequited love.

[belzinone]

verses

This is a running list of all the verses I’ve written for bel. First are her fanon (canonical) verses, followed by modern, fantasy, crossover, other fandom verses, & lastly, her Wallflower verses (+ link to a more in-depth description of my concept). I’m more than happy to create a verse that is compatible with your muse, let it be giving her a new modern occupation or adapting her to your muse’s universe (if you’ll be patient with my learning ) However, I’ll be applying her to new universes selectively because I’m not a fan of everything nor do I always have the energy/patience to invest in it.

hello it’s mz. hyde . undetermined // verse

~FANON VERSES~

HELL IS FOR CHILDREN . underground child // verse

a bright, curious, cross-dressing child who goes by the name “bailey” & gets into more trouble than her mother & older brother can handle. in attempt to control her behavior, risa lets her stay with a trusted doctor in town (former colleague of her late father) & he starts teaching her basic medicine & biology (which quickly turns into epidemiology come the shiganshina outbreak). she proves gifted with the material, a trait she shared with her father.

BIRD IN THE CAGE . underground citizen // verse

past adolescence, a teenage bel selectively relents to the feminine gender role designated by her mother as the small Zinone family works towards building a large enough fortune to buy surface citizenship. she does her homemaking & continues to pursue her medical apprenticeship while at home & in the clinic, but occasionally dons drag to explore the rest of the city under her family’s nose. when her brother enlists in the scouting legion for a vast sum of money (to those in poverty), he takes the light behind her eyes with him.

SLAVE TO THE GRIND . shiganshina citizen // verse 

a languid young adult who maintains a modest medical practice as well as helps with her mother’s homemaking business. she makes the occasional secret trip to scout hq to volunteer her medical expertise, where she momentarily rediscovers her lust for life.

TWIN ROSES . garrison soldier // verse 

giving up on her dreams following the year 845 fall of wall maria, bel dons twin roses & secretly composes her plans for 3dmg modifications. she lives a quiet, uneventful yet peaceful life with her mother & squad members.

LA GUILLOTINA . sentenced to scout // verse

having lost the majority of her squad during the year 850 battle of trost & committed murder to defend her mother during the retreat, bel finds herself with a accolade she detests, but would decide her fate as she faces her sentence

& TO DEATH WE SAY ; NOT TODAY . medical officer // main verse 

bel settles into the scouting regiment & lives out her dream of saving lives on the front lines. this verse leads up to the uprising arc.

FAMILIAR TASTE OF POISON . war criminal // verse

the uprising arc. forced to face the demons of her mother’s past as well as her legion being marked a criminal organization, she is also forced to come to terms with taking lives rather than saving them.

GRACE PERIOD . scout redemption // verse

this verse spans the time between the resolution of the uprising arc to her amputation. the scouts experience renewed glory as they return the rightful heir to the throne & prepare to reclaim shiganshina.

LA TRAVIATA . retiree // verse 

soon before the return to shiganshina, bel loses her foot to the leader of the underground mafia & is forced to retire from her military service. she departs for the snowy mountains of the north to research titan spinal fluid.

alternatively, she’s crushed by a boulder during one of the preparatory expeditions & amputates her foot to save her life either single-handedly or with the help of another soldier, i.e. yours?

LA RESORTA . amputee // verse

bel hangs up her lab coat & returns to her soldiers, where she comes to rediscover is where her heart lies.

RED SWANSONG . postwar // verse

paradis is clear of titans & the world is free of war. bel retires her military service for good & continues to care for the remaining military veterans while mourning the fallen. she dreams of settling with a family at this time.

~fanon divergent verses~

FELINE TITAN . shifter // verse

bel reawakens with the memories of a former queen who once ruled humanity before Paradisian allocation. her 10 meter titan is skinless, spotted, & sports long claws. [aimless meta]

AS ABOVE SO BELOW . noble // verse

instead of being born in the underground to a poor homemaker, bel’s born in the sina capitol to a rich socialite. she nonetheless dreams of becoming a scout soldier & practicing medicine like her father.

~modern verses~

CODE BLACK . emergency responder // main verse

as used in los angeles county hospital, “an influx of patients so great, there aren’t enough resources to treat them.”

G. O. M. E. R. YOU P. I. T. A. nurse // verse

nurse slang for “get out of my emergency room, you pain in the ass”

LIONESS . mother // verse

bel becomes a mother, let it be via adoption or a fertility miracle.

SO CLOSE ; AND STILL SO FAR . medical tech // verse

bel leaves medical school & lands a less than satisfying job

GLORY AND GORE . clinical doctor // verse

a cutthroat doctor who rose to her status by playing the game of the social ladder.

PRETTY HUGE DICHOTOMY . medical student // verse

bel studying for her phd & finding a stark divide between clinical & the average life.

BETA EPSILON LAMBDA . undergraduate student // verse

although not part of a sorority, the lack of social life experienced by this iteration could very much use a pledge.

VAGABOND . homeless // verse

after dropping out of high school, bel leaves her family & takes to the streets, convinced that she is better off on her own. she makes a living through stealing, odd jobs, & street performing.

YOU LOVE ME FOR EVERYTHING YOU HATE ME FOR . escort // verse

bel engages in transactional sex to survive.

RED LIGHTS PAID SIGHTS . sex worker // verse

cam girl, stripper, exotic dancer, nude model: bel engages in all these things & more, finding comfort in sensual attention.

SICK INDIVIDUAL . high school student // verse

a rebellious young woman spends her days challenging authority inside & outside the classroom while maintaining grades reflective of her interests.

IF IT AIN’T BROKE; IMPROVE IT . mechanical engineer // verse

rather than pursue medicine, bel finds a rewarding career in her other passions.

IT’S SUPPOSED TO HURT . personal trainer // verse

bel makes a living out of training others to thrive.

BODY LANGUAGE . professional dancer // verse

she started out as a street dancer before making her way through club after club & finally landing a contract with mainstream talent. belly dancing, burlesque, & pole work are her go-to styles.

~fantasy verses~

ABERRANT APOTHECARY . witch // verse

a life witch or necromancer? this woman manipulates the energies of life to do her bidding.

SEIS SEIS SEIS . concubus // verse

unbound by position & generally unaffected by a thirst for intercourse, this nonbinary asexual demon finds thrills elsewhere.

DON’T FALL ASLEEP AT THE HELM . merfolk // verse

a rather terrifying as opposed to conventionally beautiful mermaid, bel passes her time defending her territory & rummaging through shipwrecks

conversely, she’s an obnoxiously colorful mermaid that makes an easy target for predators

HURT LIKE HELL WHEN I FELL . angel // verse

bel’s an angel much like those from cw’s supernatural sans the dryness

SINGED FEATHERS . caladrius // verse

this magical bird takes blight unto herself & flies into the sun like a phoenix, dispelling the plague & curing her benefactor. feathers naturally sprout from various parts of her body. she uses a cloaking spell to appear human, but she nonetheless sheds feathers.

~crossover verses~

ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE TRUE WORLD . the115project // crossover verse

Commander 115′s army lands in Paradis & brings a new battlefront to the island (original multiverse concept from the115project)

FELINE FAUNUS . rwby // crossover verse

the transition from Paradis to Remnant brings out cheetah-like characteristics similar to her titan form her aforementioned fanon divergent verse. human skin with full body markings, ears & a body-length tail with fur

~other fandom verses~

MITOTIC REGENERATION . naruto // verse

a failed student of a legendary shinobi & excommunicated from her clan, bel wanders the ninja world in search of a way to revive her fallen brother as a missing nin from tsukigakure. she specializes in poison art jutsu, is developing her own version of mitotic regeneration, & agnostically practices jashinism.

GOLD DUST WOMAN . rwby // verse

subject to the discrimination of being a faunus, bel finds herself a member of the White Fang but begins to question whether their endeavors are really what’s best for her kind. her semblence is life transfer & manipulation while her weapons are dual-wield blades similar to those from her snk verse.

I WANT TO BE CONNECTED . sarazanmai // verse

bel, a fresh Wallflower devotee, soon throws herself at the mercy of the otters to save her brother, a police officer who died on duty. as punishment, she’s made to keep an eye out for kappa activity but maintains a dual relationship with those duties alongside her obligations as a Wallflower agent. she keeps her loyalties to the otters blurred while seeking to protect the sara trio as an undercover school nurse.

FAIRY; WHERE ARE YOU GOING? . fairy tail // verse

bel’s a caster mage from the Wallflower dark guild & specializes in disease & organic link magic

GRAND DUCHESS . anastasia // verse

anastasia (1997 film) plot inspired

FACE DOWN IN THE DIRT . fruits basket // verse

her work as an international Wallflower brings her to the Sohma clan, a hotbed of mysterious cries of abuse from its most closely guarded family members. quickly recognizing the fragility of the job, bel takes a much lower profile during her investigation. she takes on whatever role she must to get to the bottom of the sohma family curse & support its victims.

HALF GOD; HALF DEVIL . bnha // verse

[fandom verse profile]

THE DEAD SHALL SPEAK . atlus trauma team // verse

inspired by dr. naomi kimishima. bel’s a medical examiner that can hear a victim’s last words upon interacting with their body.

DANCING ON GRAVESTONES . dnd // verse

tiefling, bard, necromancer, commander of life energy & tells stories through percussion & dance. she uses magic to mask her tiefling features in order to escape prejudice & avoid scaring away her audience.

-wallflower verses-

BAD GIRLS’ WORLD . wallflower // main verse

[about] this verse traverses all universes, from fandom to modern to fantasy as well. i use it to designate her criminality/gang affiliation & the belief system she was raised in. whether or not she remains loyal to her cult (as well as the severity of the cult itself) will vary greatly by thread.

LA MADONNA HYDRANGEA . wallflower madame // verse

bel reigns over the wallflowers as madame, presiding over an immense, international criminal underworld.

[rcris123]

NAGAITA: A SHIP ANALYSIS

It’s been 3 years since I wrote my first ‘rant analysis’, which has recently started circulating around the site again. I thought of remaking it with an updated view, more comprehensive and less ‘ranty’. There will be links to manga/anime screencaps, because uploading a 3000 word analysis with pictures will crash tumblr.

As such I have decided to split this up in 4 parts:

                1.      Direct canon, interaction or mentions of one another, or slimpler said: THE CANON part.

                2.      Indirect canon, or what might be inferred from the canon of both characters, based on their personalities, actions, past or morals. The things that could have happened, but didn’t on screen. This will be the CANON DYNAMICS part.

                3.      Speculative canon, meaning scenes, lines or interactions from canon that could be interpreted as in favor of the ship based on the dynamics of both characters.Thus the INTERPRETATIVE CANON part.

                4.      And last, some of my personal headcanons and dynamics regarding their canon interaction or that can be derived from canon interactions. The HEADCANON part.

1- THE CANON.

It’s true, there is little canon interaction to support the ship. But the little that we were offered can be just as valuable, especially since both Itachi and Nagato are well developed characters, with well established personalities, moral codes and pasts. However now I’ll only be looking at direct canon interactions or mentions.

When thinking Nagato and Itachi one will obviously associate it with the Edo Tensei arc, where the two were teamed off. And while brief it is telling of their relationship.

The two are obviously friends: helping each other and talking amicably about their past and current situation. It may seem that the two have met each other in person before. Notable is also the fact that, at least Nagato, seems to be recognizing Itachi’s jutsus before he uses them.

Two more important scenes are as follows:

“I’M SORRY, ITACHI.”

After being forced to fight Naruto, Bee and Itachi, the fight ending with Nagato caught by the spirit sword of Totsuka, Nagato’s first words towards the three are: “I’m sorry, Itachi.” It is an apology for forcing Itachi to fight him and ultimately ‘kill’ him. And although it may seem that Nagato and Naruto are closer for their bond as pupils of Jiraya, Nagato does not apologize to Naruto for having to face him again. Itachi is the only one that he apologizes to, before his demise, somewhat reminiscing of Itachi’s parting with Sasuke. After being nudged by Itachi to say goodbye to the rest, Nagato does so with his speech to Naruto. Then he is sealed and portraits of the three being shows in the meantime: Naruto and Bee are looking forward, Itachi is looking backwards as Nagato says one last ‘goodbye’, presumably to the one looking at him: Itachi.

From this scene we can say that the two are indeed close.

 “I’M LEAVING WITH NAGATO.”

While not technically canon, since it was featured in a filler episode of Shippuuden(Episode 420), it is still very much tied to canon as part of Tsukoyomi dream sequence arc, where everyone imagines a perfect ending. And that is very telling; in his Tsukoyomi, Bee, who met both Itachi, Nagato and Kisame, chose to give Itachi his happy ending alongside Nagato, as the two basically elope in the scene, setting the canon groundwork for what might have actually been more than a friendship.

 2-CANON DYNAMICS

This looks at their personality, backstory and beliefs and how well they mesh together. And first and foremost will come their similarities.

Nagato and Itachi are two characters that are quite similar: both experienced war at a young age (Nagato lost his parents when he was younger than 10, and according to Shinden, Itachi witnessed war before Sasuke’s birth, so before he was 5!) and as such want peace and to protect those closest to them from war (Nagato towards Yahiko and Konan, Itachi towards Sasuke). They both have powerful eyes (sharingan and rinnegan) that would allow them great power, which they harnessed at a young age, in order to protect those they love, trying to bear the world on their shoulders (Itachi taking on himself to kill the entire clan and become the ‘ultimate evil’ and Nagato taking the mantra of ‘the chosen one/the child of prophecy’ trying to save the world). They both had a ‘friend mentor’ figure that the two were very close to, maybe even getting to romantic feelings (Shisui and Yahiko) and they both died tragically having a significant impact on them. Ultimately they are two very lonely people, broken inside due to their past, ill (Nagato is anorexic and unable/struggling to walk and Itachi is suffering from a heart/lung disease) and aware that they can’t bring peace to the world, living their lives under a false identity (Nagato as the God Pein and Itachi as the Psychopathic Criminal.)

They share a lot, from similar pasts to similar philosophies so the two could get very much along together, supporting each other through their illness as they’re the only ones in Akatsuki with so prominent health issues. The only obstacle a proper friendship/romance would face in this situation is the two having created alter-egos that do not let their vulnerabilities and true intentions shine through.

Lastly I want to outline an opinion that might be a bit controversial in the fandom: that Itachi’s is not as good at hiding his emotions as we’ve been led to be. It is supported in several instances in canon by the people Itachi is relatively close to. First it is Shisui that points out that his expression betrayed him and that he is ‘good at fooling himself’, it is true that Itachi couldn’t have been older than 10 then, but in the next instance he is in Akatsuki, when he should be technically already wearing the ‘mask of the criminal’. If Itachi Shinden is to be considered canon, then Juzo’s death is a prime example that teenage Itachi was still easy to read: Juzo notes before dying that Itachi has regrets and someone he wants to talk to before dying. The last instance is when Kisame points out that Itachi seems to be crying and tries to comfort his partner about his brother’s death; by this point Itachi managed to master hiding his emotions as noted by Kisame as him being ruthless, however Kisame still picks up on how Itachi might be feeling.

As such, if these people could pick up on at least some of Itachi’s emotions it wouldn’t be a stretch to say others would too, maybe even someone like Nagato.

 3-INTERPRETATIVE CANON

Most of the scenes that I will be analyzing here have at their base the assumption that Nagato and Itach know each other and that they have a deep bond on friendship at least.

In cronological order here are the following:

OROCHIMARU’S EXPULSION FROM AKATSUKI

If we follow the narative pushed by Itachi Shinden, Orochimaru and Itachi had been in the organisation since ‘the very beginning’ and at some point Orochimaru is thrown out of the organization. And it is because of several reasons: he’s spying on the Akatsuki and leaking information and because he attacked Itachi. However it sounds nonsensical to throw a member out because he’s being antagonistic to another member (Kakuzu killed several of his partners and would keep doing so if Hidan wasn’t immortal), however I think Tobi/Madara/Obito (I’ll call him Madara because that’s who the characters think he is) needs Itachi alive and well either as a person he can manipulate or as a bridge to Sasuke for further manipulation, or because the leader has a preference in his members. Both can be considered to be quite a stretch however why would Orochimaru be thrown out of the organization almost immediately after the incident. More on the interpretative side (however this is what this section is for) I believe Madara didn’t yet have plans to manipulate Sasuke as he still relied on Nagato to do his dirty-work, instead it is Nagato trying to protect Itachi, a boy who he read (see part 2) as being distraught and traumatized still by the events of the clan massacre decided to give him a little help and protection. Nagato cares for the members of his organization (trying to find a suitable partner for Kakuzu, pairing Itachi a second time with a defected Swordsmen of the Mist nin, just like Juzo who Itachi was getting along with and mourning Deidara’s death).

AFTER ‘SASUKE’S DEATH’

Returning to the rainy scene mentioned before where Itachi ‘seems’ to be crying in the rain, it is noteworthy to mention that Madara, Pein/Nagato and Konan knew Sasuke wasn’t dead, just before the aforementioned scene took place. It is still raining, an unusual thing, and Itachi goes out to meet the rain, looking up at the sky.

Itachi doesn’t mourn the loss of his brother for too long and shortly after this  incident Sasuke and Itachi have their showdown, Itachi knowing full-well that Sasuke was coming his way. In other words someone told him that his brother wasn’t in fact shortly after – maybe even in this scene, as we know Nagato can infuse rain with his own chakra and sometimes help loosen it up, or on the contrary make it last longer. Here it could be read as Nagato making the rain last longer, as comfort (allowing Itachi to ‘cry’ in the rain) and maybe as a message to Itachi that his brother isn’t dead yet.

NAGATO’S TURN TO THE ‘LIGHT’

Nagato’s turn after Naruto’s infamous ‘talk-no-jutsu’ is legendary in how poorly it has been written as Nagato seems to switch sides at the press of a button. My interpretation of this scene and the entire ‘invasion arc’ hinges a lot on my shipper feelings.

The invasion arc happens after Itachi’s death – and if you think their relationship happened, now Nagato’s lover is gone and buried leaving him with no moral support. An all out revenge attack on Konoha, the village Nagato thinks it’s to blame for everything (his parents and Yahiko’s death, and to a degree maybe even Itachi’s) isn’t that implausible. However after meeting Naruto and being explained that they’re both students of the same master, sharing the same goal, Nagato realized there’s someone to carry on the fight he has been through his entire life. So now he can let go, die, meet Itachi again, and, by reviving the village, repenting his sins, forgiving the village that took everything from him while at the same time giving him Jirayia, his mentor, and Itachi, his lover.

“SO THIS IS HOW IT TURNS OUT…”

Just a little tid-bit of dialog after Itachi manages to release himself from Kabuto’s control, in my interpretation, noting with sadness (ellipses and expression) that now he will be forced to fight Nagato, maybe even ‘kill’ him, a thing that he’s reluctant to do and didn’t wish to happen this way. Nagato’s line “I’m sorry, Itachi” encompasses that indeed Itachi didn’t want to fight, yet was forced to, and Nagato apologizes for putting him in this situation.

“I’M SORRY, ITACHI” (REPRISE)

A very important canon scene for these character’s development and if interpreted further it can be a mirror to this Itachi Shinden line, where Itachi asks Juzo if he has any last words, in this case similar to how he asks if Nagato has any last words. In the first scene Juzo reads through Itachi’s line as him having regrets and wanting to say goodbye to someone, in that case Sasuke. However in the latter, Itachi has already said his goodbye to Sasuke and he has no idea he will be meeting him later at Kabuto’s lair, however Itachi hasn’t said his goodbye to Nagato or he’s waiting for Nagato to part with him in a more meaningful manner than with a simple “I’m sorry”. But Nagato doesn’t, “I’m sorry, Itachi” being his last words towards him (if the “Goodbye” afterwords is not counted). However a simple “I’m sorry” is reminiscing of Itachi’s parting to Sasuke and it is the most meaningful parting the two could have had.

THE CRACKING OF ITACHI’S EDO TENSEI FORM

After sealing away Nagato, Itachi’s edo tensei form becomes cracked, maybe as a way to tell that having to fight and ‘kill’ his friend/lover Itachi feels broken, or not whole. On the other hand a cracked edo tensei could mean coming to terms with one’s self, becoming at peace and detaching spiritually from this world (how Sasori did after being captured). In a sense Nagato becoming sealed inside Itachi can lead to the thought that the two have become one and that eternity is theirs to spend together.

NAGATO AND SHISUI SHARED IDEOLOGIES

This entry is a bit more speculative than the others however I believe one of the reasons Itachi would be comfortable around Nagato is that he and Shisui shared ideologies and morals. In this panel Itachi refers to  Naruto as possessing Shisui’s feelings (probably referring to a world of peace where people talk things out before jumping to violence). Before Yahiko’s death, Nagato too believed talking things out was the way to solve conflict, only to have those expectations shattered when Yahiko was murdered unjustly. As a result Nagato realized there can’t be any discussion if violence isn’t carried out first, because only then can the ‘the small ones’ speak and be heard. However maybe a part of his old beliefs still remained in his time in Akatsuki even if not directly stated.

However even more telling in linking Nagato and Shisui is that Nagato and Naruto are fellow students that share a good portion of moral code, and in this scene Naruto has been shown as sharing Shisui’s feelings too. So maybe Nagato, like Naruto, shares those feelings as well.

(BONUS) THE HEART

Nothing more to add here then, maybe, just maybe there’s a heart on the ground in this panel.

 4-HEADCANONS

This part focuses more on ‘what-if’ scenarios, symbolism and relationship headcanons.

WHAT-IF’S

-        What if the older Nagato gets the more he can read through Madara’s manipulation of him, since Madara came to him tempting him just after Yahiko’s death, when Nagato was still an emotional mess. What if seeing Itachi being brought in by Madara clicks in his head as this Masked Man manipulating another young grieved shinobi and he tries to protect Itachi from Madara, protecting him from going down the same terrible path as him.

-        What if Nagato shows his true self to Itachi as a means of showing that he is no threat and that he’s trustworthy and because of that Itachi realizes that Nagato is just as broken and suffering as himself. And Itachi realizes he can’t let him struggle alone as he helped him through Akatsuki as well

-        What if Nagato thinks of himself not as a God of Bountifulness and Good but a God of Death and Pain and he fears that anyone he loves will inevitably end up dying in his arms, which happens with Itachi too.

-        What if it is Itachi that falls in love with Nagato first, the more he realizes that he is a man that shares Shisui’s intentions, at the same time offering Itachi a shoulder to lean on in need. Nagato reciprocates the feelings as Itachi becomes a constant presence in his life

-        What if the two start discussing the world around them, about the meaning of life, of the shinobi, of the village, of peace and how the latter can be achieved at all, or if the very human nature prevents such peace. What if they realize peace can only be achieved at a personal level and they wish to achieve their peace together.

SYMBOLISM

-        The dog and the crow: Itachi is undoubtedly linked with crows, they act a meaningful symbol, the birds that are harbingers of death and at the same time scavengers, picking up what’s left behind, intelligent and cautious. Nagato’s symbol animal is the dog, Chibi, the loyal one, protecting those it loves even if it claims it’s life, facing its struggles and fighting till the bitter end. And he can be considered Madara’s lap-dog for seemingly obeying his orders, or a stray dog that sruvived despite the hardship faces, always loyal to his cause. Both Itachi and Nagato were saved when young by their symbol animal (Shinden crow and Chibi)

-        You are my eyes as I am your legs: they are both vulnerable in their own way and alone that can be debilitating, however together they are stronger, supporting each other through their vulnerabilities and hard times.In the Edo Tensei arc Itachi helps Nagato walk, and Nagato helps Itachi ‘see’.

-        The Devil and Death: Nagato thinks of himself as the God of Death, one of misery and pain, his appearance somewhat resembling that of the Reaper with an exaggeratedly thin body and the ability to take life away with a touch, while Itachi is the Devil for mercilessly murdering his clan and taking up the mask of a psychotic ruthless criminal, the Devil incarnate.

-        Atlas and the Sacrificial Lamb: Both Itachi and Nagato tries to bear the world on their shoulders, one tasked protecting his village and brother from the shadows, unseen and unheard to the point of killing his whole clan for it, and Nagato  made out to be the one to save the world and bring peace, bearing the sins of the world on his shoulders. Both are Atlas, bearing their burdens alone and ultimately failing to do so, and both are Sacrificial Lambs, trying to save the world by offering up themselves, at the end both dying

-        Flowers for blood: Both Itachi and Nagato are ill and suffering and the symbol for suffering is blood. However their suffering is poetic and meaningful and in each other’s presence the blood turns to flowers, just like the flowers their graves will bear because they were ‘unspoken heroes’.

RELATIONSHIP

-        The two love spending silent moments together, where they don’t have to share words, yet at the same time enjoy the company of someone they feel comfortable with.

-        “I’m sorry, Itachi” is a phrase that is much more common in Nagato’s thinking and speech and it is meant to symbolize that he wouldn’t want to hurt Itachi in any sort of way, even if it is inevitable that he does so, because they will inevitably die and the other will suffer greatly.

-        Illness is something ever present in their lives, with the ever-looming presence of inevitable death, the two have acknowledged that their existence will come to an end soon, that every bond they had was doomed from the very beginning. They cherish every moment, taking care of each other, hoping it all lasts longer.

-        They bring little useful gifts for each other, things that may cheer each other up, a package of dangos and medicine sneaked in Itachi’s room, a warm sweater or coat for Nagato who seems to always be walking naked, or some interesting new brew of tea or poetry book.

-        Nagato knows how much Sasuke means to Itachi and he sometimes wonders how would it be possible to reunite them without having the two murder each other, in the end prolonging both their lives and sparing most of their suffering.

[englishbad]

The Reverse World: Chapter 1

The Reverse World (AO3 | FF.net) Status: In Progress Rating: T Main Characters: Odd Jobs & Shinsengumi Word Count: 1140 Summary: Kondo, Hijikata, and Okita wake up in the Odd Jobs home without a clue what has happened to them. After some investigating, they find the Odd Jobs trio in the Shinsengumi uniform patrolling the streets. Gintama-AU. Disclaimer: Gintama is the intellectual property of Sorachi Hideaki, and is being used in this fanfiction for fan purposes only. All situations, opinions and characters not belonging to Sorachi Hideaki are the intellectual property of Sabichu (a.k.a Englishbad)

Author's Notes: This is extension of my Nightmare/AU fic for OkiKagu Month for 2016 from the very beginning. Implied OkiKagu relationship, but this will be more of a general genre than romance. If you can’t wait for the second chapter of this fic, go ahead and read that, changes will be made!

Extra Lesson 1: Banging Your Head Twice Doesn't Make Things Normal Again

“Huh? Where am I?” Okita opened his eyes, “This isn’t my room.” He heard snoring, following the sound to his right.

He heard a gasp behind him. “What is this? Where am I?” It was Hijikata, woke up in a shock. He was sleeping on the desk.

The loud snore continued. It was Kondo on the opposite side of the sofa.

“Kondo-san, wake up.” Okita called out to him with a lazy tone.

The older man flipped to his side, “A few more minutes.”

Okita looked at his surroundings, a small living room and workspace, and a closet.

“Is this the Odd Jobs?” Okita thinking out-loud. He examined his arms, legs and the rest of the body, as Hijikata followed suit for his own. Wearing off-duty clothes and everything else seemed fine, but still something was out of place.

“Hijikata-san, do you have any clue why we’re here?” The flaxen haired man asked.

“Beats me.” Searching for a cigarette in his sleeves with no avail. “I don’t think we’d ever spend time with those people drinking in their own home.” He opened all the drawers of the desk finding nothing. He slammed the desk with his fists in frustration. The frame behind him fell.

“Slay evil immediately.” Hijikata read picking the sign up. He hung it back on the wall. The slogan was oddly familiar to him, a quick reminder of the Odd Jobs Code he set up as the temporary president of the company.  

The two searched the Odd Jobs home for more clues. Looking through the business log, Hijikata skimmed all the names and work that the Odd Jobs have done in the past. Familiar names, but never was directly involved with them. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

Hijikata and Okita looked at each other, agreeing they haven’t changed in appearance. They checked themselves at the mirror. It was them all right, not someone else in another person’s body, it was just their normal selves.

Kondo finally awoke, stretching, “I haven’t slept so well in a long time!”

“While you were asleep, we were trying to figure out what the hell is going on here!” Hijikata face palmed. “I need my nicotine now.” Getting impatient, he walked over to the door, putting on his sandals, all too instinctively. He just knew it was his pair.

“Maybe it is a good idea to see if the outside world has changed.” Okita suggested, slipping into his own pair of sandals.

Both exited.

“Hey, don’t leave me here!” Kondo quickly put on his own sandals to catch up with them. He reached them, staring at the sign in front of the building.

“T-This can’t be happening…” Hijikata said with a tremble in his voice.

“Odd Jobs, Roshigumi…” Okita read.

“This is just an elaborate prank!” Kondo said laughing. “I’m sure the rest if the men are in the whole thing, let’s go home and give them our laughs.”

-

“I’m sorry, who are you again?” Kamiyama responded.

Hijikata and Kondo bawled onto the ground, sobbing. Okita deadpanned, watching them smack their heads onto the earth.

“How can this happen to us? All of our hard work, reduced to nothing!” Kondo pounded his fist onto the ground. “This has to be some misunderstanding. Our lives are with the Shinsengumi, we are the Shinsengumi.”

“My apologies, sir. Open recruitment will be next year. We will be more than willing to take your applications early if you like. Your loyalty displayed today will not be forgotten.” Kamiyama saluted to the men.

Okita sighed in annoyance, “I’m not going through this again.” He stepped a little closer to the solider, face-to-face “Where are your superiors? We want to talk to them.”

Kamiyama was taken back, “They’re currently away from the compound. They will return shortly. If you are need assistance with anything else, please notify the police. We are unable to help you under these circumstances. As we are a special police force for the Bakufu.”

“You’re useless as usual.” Okita crossed his arms.

“I-I beg your pardon?” Kamiyama raised his voice to the younger man.

“Hah? You should rethink your tone of voice before you speak to me again.” It was instinct for him to go on full captain mode on him, the sadistic look in his eyes made the man tremble and sweat. Okita narrowed his eyes at him, before turning away, “Tch, this is a waste of time.”

Okita dragged Kondo and Hijikata away from the home and work place they once knew.

Kondo wiped away his tears, as Hijikata calmed down with a cigarette in his mouth walking along side Okita to Odd Jobs.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Okita asked.

“I suppose we continue on as the members of the…Odd Jobs.” Hijikata cringed on the last part. “Until we figure out this mess.”

“We haven’t seen the original Odd Jobs members yet. Perhaps they’re stuck in our situation as well. We should look for them. They might have a clue to what’s going on.”

“It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream.” Kondo whacked his head against a pillar; his head was already bloody from the first few bangs.

“What the hell are you doing? Bashing your head is just going to give you a concussion!” Hijikata yelled at the man.

“I just want to home to lay on Otae-san’s lap. This is getting too much for me.” Kondo confessed.

“It’s only been a few hours! Plus that’s just a fantasy, you were nowhere at that level of comfort with her even at home!”

They heard heavy footsteps resound.

It felt like time slowed down upon the presence of these figures passing by.

They felt their heart beat faster as they felt them walk closer.

A young woman with gorgeous vermillion hair tossed her hair to the side as the gold tassel rang from her hair ornament. She wore a form fitting black and gold Shinsengumi uniform, similar to a certain former Mimawarigumi vice-captain, with a purple parasol above her head, carrying a sword to her side.

Next to her, a young man with a strong confident aura with black hair in a medium cut in a modified Shinsengumi uniform, a long coat, double breasted lapel, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, wearing arm protectors, and glasses strolled along with her carrying two swords on his hip.

“Hey, you’re walking too fast.” A man with silver-permed hair said.

The two stopped turning back, waiting for him.

He was more lax than the other two. He was in a normal Shinsengumi commander’s uniform, jacket tied to his waist and his sleeves rolled up with a real sword on his left.

Hijikata, Kondo, and Okita looked at the original Odd Job members in shock as they walked on by.

“N-No way…” Three said in unison.

Notes: You might remember when Gintoki and Toshirou switched bodies for the Soul Switch Arc, that Toshi recreated order for the Odd Jobs with his own Code for them to follow. The saying, “Slay evil immediately” is a real slogan that the real Shinsengumi used during that time and has been referenced in Gintama, and other historical samurai fiction such as Rurouni Kenshin.

The Roshigumi (浪士組, meaning "the ronin squad"), is the original group name before finalizing members of became Shinsengumi. Gintama universe is different, where Matsudaira and Isaburo, created a police force in Edo to counteract the growing problem of the revived Jouishishi called the Roushigumi. The Roushigumi had brought down crime and became popular over the next few days until it was decided that they would be in charge of protecting the Hitotsubashi head and his son Hitotsubashi Nobu. Unbeknownst to them, they were meant to be the scapegoats of the father and son's assassination conducted by Tokugawa Sada and carried out by the Tenshouin Naraku. Isaburo created a plan that not only saved the father and son, but also helped increased the standing of the Roushigumi. This lead to the Roushigumi becoming an official police force and Kondo changing their name to the Shinsengumi. [Wikipedia and Gintama Wikia]

Kamiyama is a squad member the First Division of the Shinsengumi. Remember Okita stabbed his ass with a short sword? Yeah, that’s him.

Also, just to make the reading more enjoyable, listen to the Gintama Soundtrack OST 2 – Track 06 -  Tabemono no Suki Kirai Ooi Nin wa Ningen no Suki Kirai mo Ooi when they see The Odd Jobs Trio in Shinsengumi uniforms. :D

This story got very complicated as I did more research and did an outline. It seems like it’ll be more than 20 chapters long (lol…). It feels almost a re-write of the entire series, which was not my intention, but for flow and I’ll see how much patience I have. And not everything will he historically accurate nor as canon as Gintama. Give me some leeway here. Oh, I just realized the notes ended up taking more space than the actual story…