#he had so many choices and he went with that

[alphajocklover]

As a kid, I watched a film that had these big cavemen tie a nerd to a pole before he was saved by his archaeologist friends. Since then, the idea of a bunch of cavemen taking a nerd to physically turn him into one of them while forcefully dumbing him down makes me so aroused. Too bad it didn't even happen in the movie, let alone real life...

‘Neanderthals!’ has been one of Terrance’s favorite movies since he was a kid, which made most of his friends very confused. A lot of them couldn’t figure out why he liked it so much. Terrance was the founder, president, and only member of his high school's movie club, the volunteer movie reviewer for his college newspaper, and generally the biggest movie buff that most people ever got to meet, but his favorite movie, out of all of the choices, was a C-list kids movie where a bunch of teen archeologist unfreeze three real cavemen who were stuck in an iceberg, and have to deal with their shenanigans. It was nothing special, just a lame kids movie that wasn’t even bad enough to be funny. None of his fellow movie buffs could figure out why you loved it so much, but the answer was surprisingly simple: that movie was Terrence’s sexual awakening. Watching the trio of muscular, hairy cavemen tie up a 15 year old nerd (who was played by a 19 year old actor for some reason) and dance around him ritually woke something up inside of him. He seriously thought for a moment that he was going to watch the nerd be turned into a caveman, and that fleeting thought has stuck in his mind for years like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He became fascinated with the idea of caveman transformations, and had watched the movie dozens of times over the years. Terrance had seen it so much he thought he knew everything about his favorite movie at this point, that he had every scene, every fact memorized. Until he heard about the missing scenes.

Like many small movies, the fanbase for it was incredibly small, but dedicated. It had one small reddit page, with about 7 people who regularly posted on it regularly, Terrance among them. Things were usually pretty calm there, until one day a newcomer to the forum reported that they had found a copy of the movie with deleted scenes. At first Terrance thought it had to be a scam, but the anonymous fan claimed he’d send a copy of the deleted scenes in the mail, for free, and Terrance accepted. He doubted the guy was trying to hack him with a DVD or something, so even though Terrance wasn’t expecting much, he gave the stranger his address (the address of a PO box. He wouldn’t give your address to a stranger, he was horny not crazy). He was shocked when he actually got the DVD as promised, and even more surprised when He put it on. As it blared to life, he immediately recognized the opening! It really was ‘Neanderthals!’ Or at least a version of it! The sender seemed to have cut out most of the scenes that were the same, leaving only the missing scenes and the opening left. Terrance watched in awe, laughing at the bloopers and making notes on the different scenes that were left out. Then, finally, they got to the scene you had been hoping for. 

It started out mostly the same as it did in the original movie, with one of the teen archeologists, Hal the stereotypical nerd, being kidnapped by the three cavemen, who danced around a fire as he was tied to a nearby pole. But soon the scene changed, and unlike in the original, the cavemen turned their attention to their captive. One of the cavemen, the one who gets redeemed toward the end of the movie and marries one of the main character Moms (like I said this was a weird movie), went up to Hal and rubbed some colored mud on his face, making distinct ritualistic markings. Terrance felt warm excitement come over him as he watched the three cavemen chant and dance wildly, and watched as what he always wanted to happen happened. Hal’s skin tanned slightly and his hair grew longer, wilder and dirtier. Terrance watched, entranced, as his muscles grew beefy and defined, practically able to feel the warmth coming from the fire as you did. He could see the actor's eyes glaze over as his brain seemed to melt and devolve, and could practically feel the dumb guffaw he made echo in your ears as his face became more gruff and his intelligence drained. This was exactly what Terrance had always wanted, what Terrance had been dreaming of seeing for years! Terrance’s itch was finally being scratched, and it felt so good. Terrance felt so good. Terrance felt great! Terrance felt… horny! He practically tore off his clothing, struggling with the buttons for some reason, and began to pull at his cock. He felt himself laugh dumbly and began to mutter.

“Terry is so… horny… Terry wants… pussy!” Terrance said, despite having been gay mere moments before. He laughed dumbly as the remains of his clothing magically transformed, becoming a loincloth. Terry continued to jerk his now growing cock as his changes finalized. Terrance was gone, replaced with Terry, a dumb, buff caveman, and all Terry wanted to do was to find a cave girl to plow.

**hey there! First time doing a caveman TF. Found it very hot (but also hard to find pictures for). Hope you guys liked it!**

[pyromaniacbibliophile]

If the Marauders chose to survive

Peter who got scouted by Voldemort and actually thought about it and that scared him so much he went to James.

James who took one look at Peter and said fuck the war. I don't care, not now, not when my parents are dead and my best friend is considering the Death Nibblers. Fuck this.

Lily just grinned and asked what took him so long.

Barely out of school and so in love, Remus would have followed Sirius to the end of the earth and Sirius would not leave his brother in all but blood.

Only he wouldn't leave Regulus either.

Regulus who only wanted to protect his family.

Regulus who brought a sheepish Narcissa and her fiance Lucius who didn't think he had a choice, but now he did.

Severus who knew Regulus inside out and only chose Voldemort because who else did he have?

Severus who now had Regulus and Lily and Narcissa and a group of traumatised teenagers planning an escape.

Dorlas and Marlene who only fought for friends. So if those same friends were now staying in the battered old Potter Manor and refusing to stay for a war that wasn't theirs? Well, there was only one place for them.

Mary who had had friends for the first time at Hogwarts. Friends that somehow lasted seven years of school. Like hell were they going without her.

Bellatrix, laughing and wild, the Black Madness hadn't swallowed her up just yet, and really she didn't want to play mistress to a red eyed boy who was madder than her now.

Plans written and and re written.

An experimental potion, courtesy of Lily and Severus, in Orion Black's drink. Orion who then signed over the Noire Manor in Switzerland to Regulus Arcturus Black.

The same potion in Abraxas Malfoy's whiskey, Abraxas who then gave Lucius Abraxas Malfoy the Malfoi Mansion in, you guessed it, Switzerland.

Fabian and Gideon Prewett with an international portkey, their sister Molly and her fiance Arthur Weasley.

Alice Fortesque and her boyfriend Frank Longbottom with defiance and love in their eyes.

Pandora Rosier at the last second, smiling innocently with her best friend Xeno Lovegood. Oh, and her brother Evan Rosier. And his best friend Barty Crouch Jr.

So many who would have been Death Eaters in another life, one where they didn't get a choice.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Draco Malfoy growing up as brothers in two comfortable Manors, with plenty of money, plenty of love, plenty off family and two alive parents apiece.

Luna Lovegood, Scorpia Malfoy, and Ginny Weasley inseparable from birth.

Lyra Black-Lupin, Minnie Potter, and Rosa Meadows-McKinnon sisters for life

Fred and George Weasley being taught Potion-making by three geniuses: Lily Potter, Severus Snape, and Pandora Lovegood.

A family not torn by war.

A family by choice not blood.

[myfairkatiecat]

okay so shannon giving us a keefe pov seems actually lowkey important and what i would do in the story rn but I'm not convinced she's going to use it to do the things I feel like we need her to do.

let me explain.

Shannon set Sophie up as a character who behaves certain ways. A lot of those ways are very good, and she's certainly a hero, but she also has character flaws that get worked through. For example, she can be a little reckless (personally I would have made all the same choices) (I know we think of Keefe as the reckless one but he's a different type of reckless) she can prioritize the wrong things, she can be disorganized, etc (all things that are super valid and understandable and make her relatable btw. I am a sophie foster defender)

and BECAUSE sophie is the protagonist, we see all of this develop. She has certain qualities that are a little stagnant sometimes, at least if you look from the outside, but there's actually a ton of development going on. She hears others' opinions on her actions, good and bad, and the reader sees how this impacts her and how she grows and changes, even if that change is nonlinear or in many ways she stays the same and just grows more mature.

Here's the thing about Keefe. he wandered out of side character territory and into second main character territory starting at the end of everblaze and peaking in legacy. And Shannon has been INTENTIONALLY writing him with consistent character flaws since the beginning, explainable by his past circumstances in fascinating ways. But we aren't there to see a lot of the falling out for that stuff.

A lot of people complain that keefe never faced consequences for stealing the caches or never had the black swan or adults yelling at him or mistrusting him or his friends avoiding him. And like... we do not know that. It could simply be that that was just not Sophie's problem at the time. Sophie also may have simply not been one of the people giving him a difficult time about it. In fact, we know she wasn't, but boy oh boy Fitz certainly didn't bounce back in less than five seconds. And we don't know what the Council and/or black swan did with him that sophie just wasn't involved in--and bc it didn't become relevant to the plot from sophie's perspective, sophie being the actual MC, it just seems unimportant.

Another thing is that Keefe has a lot of the same character flaws throughout the series, but they do shift somewhat with his experiences, and that's without us even seeing in his head, you know? So here's the thing.

Shannon went and started developing Keefe like a second protagonist (who is interestingly also an anti hero in some ways) and even if you aren't a person who thinks he's the most developed character on the paper (disagree but see where you're coming from) he's DEFINITELY most developed in shannon's brain, and that bleeds through. But then we ONLY see Sophie's perspective BECAUSE THIS IS SOPHIE'S STORY, and everything revolves around what is relevant to the plot from her perspective, and then keefe is just in the background being extremely important and relevant and having all these extra issues that we ONLY ever see from sophie's perspective.

Unlocked was... well, it was half a book, and only half of it was keefe. I actually do think his perspective was enlightening in some ways, but a full keefe book at this point kind of seems necessary to me. Because... he's taken on the role of another main character in this story, but we don't see any of that development happening, and for a lot of people i can see that getting taxing. Now I get that those same people also wish keefe would just. step back from the plot. and i get that! but I think with the way he's involved in the plot NOW, seeing his perspective is important, because sophie's POV (especially with her unreliable narration) doesn't give us enough of a window into the complexity that is keefe's worldview right now, especially with all the ways he keeps impacting things. it's just a really important perspective to have at this point.

Shannon, if unraveled is just keefe trying different human foods and giggling like a kotlc react on wattpad, I will probably enjoy it bc i love your work always, but i will also be shaking you by the shoulders because we need this book and you better spend it doing the things we need

[heavyhitterheaux]

“Don’t pretend you’re still mad at me”

Slight NSFW under the cut

You peeked open the bedroom door to see Jack laying across the bed as his head was resting on his hand as he turned the page in the book that he was reading and you immediately went and laid next to him. He simply glanced down at you before returning his attention back to the book. Seeing this, you quickly snatched the book from his reach and pushed him down onto the bed as you climbed on top of him without him saying a word.

“Smush.” You said as you looked down at him, but all he did was give you a blank stare.

“Oh, so that’s how we’re going to play?” You asked him and he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Hmm, I see.” You whispered as your hand traveled further south and immediately went into his shorts and you began to lightly stroke him. His body couldn’t help but to respond to your touch as you reached down to kiss him. To your surprise, he didn’t kiss you back which instantly made you roll your eyes.

“Don’t pretend you’re still mad at me.” You whispered in his ear.

“But I am mad at you. I told you not to do something, but you went and did it anyway all while putting yourself in harm’s way. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you about that, but it needs to stop.” He told you as he pushed your hand away and tried to sit up which made you push him right back down.

“Y/N…. Move.”

“Fine, I promise that it won’t happen again. And no I'm not moving.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I’m not fucking playing. I want to keep my wife safe. We can’t do the same things we used to do when we were less known and not really in the public eye. You have to have security every time you leave this house. You got it?”

“I know you’re serious, baby and like I said, I promise that it won’t happen again.” You whispered as you pulled his shorts all the way down along with his boxer briefs.

“Now, are you going to let me make it up to you or not?” You asked as you glided your tongue along the side of his dick starting from the base and going all the way up to the tip and licking up the precum that was leaking out and looking up to see that Jack had an unreadable expression on his face and you looked at him confused.

“Pookie?”

“Switch positions with me.”

“Wait for what?”

“Stop asking questions and do what I said. Get there or I'll put you there myself. Your choice.”

“You won't even believe how wet I just got by hearing you say that.” You told him and all he did in response was rip your thong off your body making you gasp and grazed his fingers across your folds.

“Hmm, now let's find out if that's true.”

“Did you just rip my new thong that I bought YESTERDAY?” You exclaimed and Jack immediately flipped the two of you over and then turned you around placing you face down on the bed.

“I’m the last person that you want to get loud with. Be a good girl for me and I’ll buy you another one.”

“I want three in different colors.”

“Keep talking and I’m not buying you anything. Don't talk unless I tell you to. Now come here.”

[alwritey-aphrodite]

hi!!! for the prompts cartoon-patterned plasters with tasm!peter?? maybe patching him up with a spider-man plaster and him being like really???

I hope it’s ok but I went a slightly different route with the prompt!

Having a young daughter means you’re always prepared for any number of disasters. You carry at least three different types of snacks with you at all times, you keep a coloring book and a picture book in every bag you own, and you always have a pack of bandaids with you. Most of the time, you let Charlie pick out which bandaids she wants, trying to avoid meltdowns and tantrums because her bandages are boring.

She’s been gravitating towards all things girly for the past few years, living in tutus and fairy costumes and wanting nothing but pink and sparkly everything. The few times you’ve had to restock on bandaids, she’d pick out designs starring princesses and vibrant animal print, and it might seem a little silly, but you think that the designs make her feel better whenever you have to use them.

You’d used the very last bandaid in the pack yesterday, when Charlie had taken a tumble on the playground and scraped her knee, and while she’s adorned with her princess bandage and feeling much better, you know it’s only a matter of time before she needs another one, and you also know you have a small window of time between picking Charlie up from kindergarten and her needing a snack before she has a meltdown.

“C’mon, Charles, pick out which one you want,” you tell your daughter, mostly just to hear her giggle at the use of her faux full name, but you really do hope she can make a decision quickly. You’d given her a granola bar that she ate on your walk to the store, but you know she’ll be requesting another snack soon, and that she’ll want something different, so you really have to get home to avoid a tantrum.

“Too many choices,” she says, looking very serious as she investigates all of her options, before she gasps excitedly and grabs a box of the shelf.

“Are you sure?” You ask, turning the box around in your hand after Charlie had all but shoved it at you. It’s completely different from what she’d been interested in lately, and while you don’t mind buying it for her and supporting her new interests, you want to avoid a meltdown when the next time she gets hurt, her bandaid isn’t pink.

“I’m sure, mama,” she reassures you, stretching up to grab your hand and try to pull you to the checkout, “let’s go now.”

Knowing when you’ve lost a battle, you let her lead you to the front of the store, paying for the package before slipping it in your bag and making it home just in time for Charlie to ask for another snack. You were so focused on feeding her, you’d forgotten all about the bandaids until Peter pulls them from your bag when Charlie runs up to him, crying and pointing to her scraped knee. He doesn’t even think before opening the box and ripping open a packet, sealing the bandaid to her knee with a kiss. It’s not until after, when he’d dried her tears and pressed kisses all over her face to send her running away in a fit of giggles, that he gets a chance to inspect the box.

“No way,” he huffs, turning the box over in his hands, looking at the image of the designs included plastered on the back.

“It’s what she wanted,” you respond, even though he wasn’t really asking.

“I didn’t even know they made these,” he says, placing the box of Spiderman-patterned bandaids back into your bag and shaking his head at the absurdity of it all, wondering what Charlie would do if she knew the truth.

[desert--moonchild]

okay but seriously... what were they thinking with Buck's outfit for that first date...

[ruporas]

i killed. i murdered. i'm nothing like these sleepy people here… nevertheless, you can actually be grateful? bastard… i’m saying… thank you. because you spilled blood, you saved all of these people’s lives. i couldn’t have done it without you. (ID in alt)

[hopeswriting]

tsuna is the patron saint of the mundane, of the normal and common place, of the average and unimpressive. he's the unshakable believer of that being enough in and of itself, of that being fulfilling and fundamental to achieve happiness. and he's the unyielding protector and defender of the beauty and love and kindness within the ordinary, of the holy and divine and sacred within it, and of them being worth fighting for.

tsuna's the guy who makes the ordinary extraordinary from the sheer way he holds it so very close to his heart like it's the most precious thing in the world, and it's the thing about him i, for one, love him most for

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???

you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"

[unordinaries]

presented without comment

(chapters 280 + 344)

[vehemourn]

guy in mabinogi rolled up on a vespa and began polling

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Because of the implication that Karlach didn't know any of the more devious shit Gortash was doing while she was employed by him, I HC that he sold her at a point where he couldn't be as covert in his private dealings. Like it was a point where she clearly was going to be a liability and she's good. Too good. Like to her core.

And there isn't a whole lot different between himself and the tiefling rascal he took in so she could support the parents she loves so much. I think that at a certain point he'd just be kinda aggravated because, to him, her view of the world is so idealistic. I like the idea of him having a little bit of petty jealousy, but I can't see that being the motivator for the sale. I think he really believed she was strong enough to handle it - because he was strong enough to withstand the hells - and wanted her to be humbled, in a way. he needed her to have a taste of the real world, so to speak, because his understanding is that it's a cutthroat world and all people are pawns, regardless of age or relation.

that's not a way karlach can live tho

and then she comes back, broken, sure. she has her whole thing where she can consume the soul coins, which ultimately has her viewing lost souls as tokens/pawns in the way gortash sees all people, but she clearly struggles with it and it wasn't a choice she made, but something zariel pushed on her so she could survive.

regardless, karlach's optimism is unwavering and she's still so vivacious. She's angry, understandably so, she has scars, she's done shit she isn't proud of, but she, herself, was never corrupted. when she escapes, she immediately goes full hero mode, she just has the burden of the soul coins to bear bc NO ONE can come out of that situation completely unscathed. and remember the types of friends she made in the hells!!! her one only helps her if it comes with a double-edged sword. despite that, she doesn't prevent it from allowing her to bond with the companions.

so she comes back proof that you can go through what Gortash did and come out mostly in tact. you may be hurt, she shouldn't have HAD to go through that, but she's fighting for a better future for herself (even if that means dying to not return to avernus). Unlike Gortash, she doesn't need to bring the world to heel to pay for the cruelty it showed her.

in fact, everything she went through just makes her appreciate the little good in her life even more and motivates her to aggressively protect her friends.

[moeblob]

Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute

(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)

[zeb-z]

watched s1 of iwtv, and im insane actually. whenever there were moments of Lestat in his element, almost loving and entirely seductive, they were always quickly followed by moments of startling brutality. one moment he’s ass out, or smiling all pretty with gifts to give, or sexy while covered in blood, and the next he’s exploding a head with his fist, or dragging Louis by his literal throat. something about showing that sort of fantasy of danger before ripping it away with real danger yknow what I mean. like there’s this inherent seduction of the dangerous, of the taboo, and Lestat is all of that, power and opulence and the threat of danger even in the way he moves - but it’s more than an illusion or fantasy, and he is truly controlling and cruel and dangerous. the show doesn’t shy away from that allure or sort of eroticism just as it doesn’t shy away from the brutality of his violence

[vole-mon-amour]

got reminded tlou2 exists, watched that scene with Joel and Ellie where she says she's not sure if she'll be ever to forgive Joel for not letting her die in that hospital, but that she's like to try to forgive him.

still crying as I'm thinking about it.

joel deserved fucking BETTER & it still feels as if Neil just wanted to shock the audience and fuck with the gamers. it wasn't in the game's best interest, but in his own ego. it's so unnecessary brutal & i never ever want to see anything other than the museum chapter again. tlou2 is not really canon for me. first game? yeah. second one? screw that shit.

genuinely wishing to see how many people would choose to kill Abby if there was such an option. good game, my ass.

[cosmicdreamgrl]

.