#he had many wives and my sons and many families and his bitter angry long suffering soul only knew her light!!!!!!! shut up

[kisaraslover]

something something as evil as he is about owning and subjugating her for eternity shes twice as insane about being the only one for him

[auroras-blend]

The Enemy of My Enemy

Summary: Vittoria meets the one, the only, the woman who convicted her father, the ex-wife of her arch-nemesis, a dynamite lawyer: Marie Thibodeaux!

Notes: Told in Vittoria's POV. Marie is only a cameo 😢

A myriad of blue and purple puzzle pieces surrounded her skirt. Well, how am I supposed to do this in just an hour? Vittoria was more or less sour that her father left her with Sawyer in his office as he ran errands, because 1) she was with Sawyer and 2) she was bored out of her mind. When the door had shut, Sawyer had barked at her to be quiet and quite literally threw the puzzle box in her face and told her to play with it. It was brand new and she could only assume it was to go to one of the grandchildren he’d never seen. He barely has any photos of his family! There was a picture of him, his first wife, and two sons on his desk and another photo of his daughter to the side that both looked to be taken decades before she was born. I’d be sad if he were my father.

Sawyer was busy writing aggressively, his tone sharp and bitter as he was on the phone with someone. I should scream he’s killing me...that’d be funny. She giggled at the thought and earned herself a nasty scowl from the man himself. What was lovely about Sawyer was that he would swear around her because he knew damn well her mother did and he really seemed to be the only person who understood there was no more protecting her poor little ears, that he says stick out worse than Mickeys. They do not!

With a little huff, she began to assemble the puzzle of the sea, or at least that's what it said it’d be according to the box. And in her opinion, she was doing extremely well! “Look!” she pointed gleefully, “I’m almost done!”

“Wooooow,” Sawyer murmured, his eyes glued to his paper, “We should have you tested to see if you’re gifted…”

Vittoria pouted. “This is why you’re not married anymore.”

That little jab may have hit too close to home because he flung a paperweight at her that hit her in the face again. It wasn’t too heavy and it most certainly didn’t break anything, but the hate and suddenness of it made her start crying. “Keep your trap shut,” he growled.

It seemed he was even crueler today and of course she was his victim. Her little hands gripped the smooth glossy paperweight and threw it back, but it couldn’t go much farther than to bounce against the top of his desk. Her strength didn’t match his and she started bawling, “Pathetic weak little thing…”

“You’re so mean to me! I hate you and-,”

“WHERE IS THAT COCKSUCKING MORALLESS CLOWN-,” boomed a voice that made Sawyer go white as a sheet of paper.

The whites of his eyes were on display as he sprung out of his chair and shut the blinds. He ripped her off the ground and put a finger to her lips, “Shut up,” he whispered, “Shut up right now.”

Sobs still heaved from her body, the sounds being drowned out by the woman outside. “I-I can’t! You hurt me!”

“Fuck,” he cursed, “I’ll give you...two dollars! Two dollars if you’re quiet right now!”

Her cries quieted down, but not completely. Sawyer was close to trembling, his grip on her shoulders and the look in his eyes were pleading. Huh, he’s desperate… “Five,” she said.

Might as well...He grit his teeth and growled, “Fine. Now shut up.”

Vittoria nodded and retreated into the corner. “Ma’am, you can’t go in there-,” screamed the secretary.

Right as Sawyer was about to turn out the light, the door slammed open and smashed his hand against the wall. “Fuck!” he screamed in pain, pulling it close to him as he scrambled away.

The lighting fixtures flickered but remained on as who Vittoria imagined being the goddess Nemesis stood between the doorway to the firm and to Sawyer’s former safe haven. The woman was dressed in a dark navy blazer and skirt with a white undershirt. Circular glasses were falling down the bridge of her nose as her hateful gaze met Sawyer’s beady one. She had a straight-cut bob that fell beneath her chin, her hair grey in a way that demonstrated that too many people annoyed her in her lifetime. For a moment, her heart sank because that's what she could imagine her Mama to look like if she had lived that long. “You motherfucking son of a bitch!”

She even curses like Mama, well she has an accent. It sounded southern to her but with an air that she couldn't quite place. Despite being more or less terrified of everyone around her, she was unafraid of the woman. And she’s right. “Marie, you psychotic cunt, get the fuck out!”

The woman stormed right up to him and put her finger in her face. “HOW DARE YOU?! BRINGING HIM BACK!”

“It’s none of your business anymore, now get out! Call security!” he shouted at his poor shaking assistant.

“This entire case is my business! How much did it cost you to sell what you pass off as a soul?”

Vittoria giggled and right when she did, she clapped her hands to her mouth. The red-eyed gazes shifted to her, puffs of air coming out from their noses and mouths. “Oh...another one of your spawn’s spawn?” she sneered.

“No!” Vittoria protested, “I’m not related to him!”

The thought of being related to Sawyer revolted her to her core. “How fortunate for you.”

“I think so,” she smiled.

“Didn’t I tell you to be quiet? You lost that five bucks,” he seethed.

Damn.

“Who’s the kid?”

“I’ve been kidnapped!” she cried dramatically, wiping the remaining wetness from her eyes, “He’s a predator!”

Sawyer jumped, “No, she’s not! I did not!”

Her words seemed to be more terrifying than what the woman, Marie, threw at him. “You sick son of a-are you prostituting kids now?”

“ENOUGH!” he shouted, “Where’s that damn security?!”

“Because that’s the only way you can get rid of me, huh? Not in court but by men bigger than you to do your dirty work. Hell, you’re not even the boss. You don’t call the shots! You worthless piece of shit! How can you stand to look at yourself?”

“I ask him the same thing every day,” Vittoria shook her head sorrowfully.

“I’m this close,” he pinched his fingers and left a barely visible space between them, “To cutting out your tongue.”

Vittoria stepped back in fear. “Threatening bodily harm to a six-year-old? You really are a jack shit lawyer-”

“I’m nine actually. I’m just small,” Vittoria added. That information wasn't relevant but Vittoria thought it was.

“He also threw a paperweight at me,” she said pointing to the ball that stood still on the floor, “It hurt.”

“Oh...and assault. You really can’t get any lower,” Marie hissed, “I hope you can afford a good lawyer. I’d offer, but I despise you and I hate to take lost causes.”

Shivers rolled down her spine as she heard Sawyer grind his teeth. “Go back to the pits of hell where you belong, or whatever they’re calling Chicago these days, and maybe I won’t charge you for trespassing,” he snapped at the woman.

Marie scoffed, “You were so close to being free of him. And you brought him back, you pathetic worm.”

She could tell that dug into Sawyer deep. “He’s been a-,” he began to defend before eyeing Vittoria, “No. Just get out. I’ve got work to do.”

He retreated back to his seat and stepped on the puzzle she had been working on. No… Marie scowled at him, “You’re gonna end up dead one day.”

“We all do,” Sawyer sighed.

Anger rolled off Marie before her eyes met Vittoria’s. “Are you really okay, kid? You need any help?”

“I’ll survive,” she said politely.

Marie nodded. “If you ever need a good lawyer, don’t call him. He’s terrible, I should know, I was married to him,” she smirked, her eyes glowing with vindication at Sawyer whose own hazel eyes were full of hostility, “And I also beat his ass in court.”

Vittoria gasped. She was starry-eyed and already adored her, unknowing that this was the woman who convicted her father. Sawyer was glowering at her over papers, “ I’m meeting one of his ex-wives! “You poor woman. I’m so sorry,” she said with true genuineness, before clarifying her statement, “For being married to him. Not for beating him.”

Vittoria giggled at the last part. I love her. She’s mean to Sawyer. I’d do anything for her. She reminds me so much of Mama. With a last smile, she pushed by the security guards who finally arrived. Ooooh, Sawyer’s gonna fire them. Part of her was sad to see her go, knowing that Sawyer would wring her neck soon. For a moment, she had been transported back to how it was with her mother. It was probably a good thing Marie didn’t stay, otherwise, Vittoria most certainly would’ve imprinted on her and followed her around like a little duckling. “Can I be her?” she asked dreamily.

“No,” Sawyer said in a cold tone, “Come sit here.”

Vittoria obeyed and climbed into the large leather seat across from him, letting her legs swing back and forth as they couldn’t touch the ground. Wow, I feel like a grown-up. Sawyer put down his pen and looked at her. He wasn’t angry, just thoughtful and that confused her. He sighed and got up to open a globe in the corner of the room, “Whoa!”

Inside was an assortment of drinks and liquors that were half-empty. Beautiful amber-brown liquids filled the crystal cruet set, and Sawyer took the liberty to pour himself a drink. Sawyer closed the globe and gripped his glass and another empty one. Sawyer paused in front of a cabinet before opening the bottom door that revealed a mini-fridge. The cold air whooshed out when he pulled the door open, featuring rows of sodas, sparkling in their cans. “Rootbeer, black cherry, or strawberry?”

“What?” she whispered.

“Which one?” he asked again, gesturing to the sodas.

“Papa...Papa won’t let me. He won’t even let me have juice,” she frowned.

Sawyer shrugged, “Fine then…”

“Wait!” she called out before he closed the door.

She bit her lip. This is wrong. Maybe he’s doing this as a trap...but I’ve never had soda before. What if we get in a car crash on our way home and I die never having a soda?! No...Papa won’t let me and I have to be good for him, so no...I can’t have soda. And that’s that. “I’ll have the strawberry one please,” she said aloud and watched him pour the brown fizzing drink into a glass and hand it to her.

I can hear the bubbles! Vittoria felt giddy, excited to have something forbidden and sweet. Something she’d always wanted to try! A smile spread across her face as she put it up to her mouth, the foam and bubbles tickling her nose and causing her to sneeze. “Achoo!”

She wrinkled her nose to get rid of the itch as she pressed the thick crystal rim to her lips and tilted the glass back, allowing the sweet bubbly drink to drip into her mouth and leave a burning sensation down her throat. Vittoria coughed, “It burns!”

“That’s the carbonation,” Sawyer said plainly as he sat down again, “Vittoria...you know how we hate each other?”

She blinked, surprised at how honest he was being. “Yes…”

“Hm, well you know how we both love your father very much? And want him to be happy and safe?”

“Yes,” she said again, her voice worried.

“That woman who came in, my ex-wife, she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want your father to be happy and she’s one of the people who believe lies about him. In fact, Marie is one of the people who spread those lies,” he scowled.

It was the first time she ever believed something Sawyer said. It was said with such a raw intensity that he couldn’t be lying to her, or at least lying to her entirely. “What?” she whispered.

“Vittoria, she’s not our friend. You can’t trust her and the moment she finds out you’re his daughter, she’ll want to exploit that, you. Marie will stop at nothing and will use you to take him down, which is why you can never tell her anything. Please, never talk to her again,” he said seriously.

“But...but she was nice,” she mumbled, to me.

Sawyer rolled his eyes, “Well this isn’t about us. It’s about protecting your father. So can you put our differences aside and treat her as what she is? A threat to our family?”

An alliance with Sawyer? She never wanted to agree with him on anything, but the way he was speaking set her nerves on alert. He means it...he’s serious. “Yes,” she agreed, “Anything for Papa. I-I don’t want to see him get hurt…”

“Good,” Sawyer nodded, “Then it’s agreed. You won’t speak to Marie or about her, ever again.”

“Agreed.”

“You are a smart girl, then,” he grinned, “One more thing, let me tell your father everything.”

“I’ll let you if you give me back my five dollars.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’ll go home and say it anyway,” she reasoned.

“Two dollars.”

“Three.”

“Two and a strawberry tab.”

“Three,” she insisted.

He narrowed his eyes, “Fine.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sawyer,” she said pleasantly.

Sawyer smiled greasily and leaned forward against his desk, holding out his drink. Vittoria took her cue and tapped her glass against his, a sweet clink, sounding out as they toasted. As she took a sip of her soda, she couldn’t help feeling like she made a deal with the devil.

[quentinblack]

Smoke and Mirrors

Word Count: 2.5K words

Chapter 13 - Andromeda III: Pride and Prejudice (link to full story on FF.net)

Featuring: Andromeda Black & Druella Black

Gaius Lestrange had not been a regular fixture at the Black family’s opulent manor-house in the Bedfordshire countryside for very long, but Andromeda had already grown quite tired of his presence. His persistent brown-nosing of her father over the summer months had been nauseating at best – at worst, even somewhat concerning considering her eldest sister would, at some point in the next 12 months, wed his eldest son and officially join their families together in the process.

Bellatrix had been looking forward to her 17th birthday with baited breath for months, as she would finally be considered a fully-grown adult-witch, thus, not just capable, but also legally able to make her own life choices.

Or at least that was what she had thought.

In hindsight this train of thought had been nothing short of abject naivety on her part, as the mere idea that she would not still be behest to her Father’s will whilst she still lived in his house was nothing more than a pipe dream.

The subject of finding a suitable wizard to marry her off to was not something that had been readily discussed by their Mother and Father in recent times, in-fact -  more or less any subject involving Bellatrix had been off limits following the abortion incident.

Andromeda guessed that Bellatrix had thought after that scandal that she would’ve avoided the long-held tradition of pure-blood arranged marriage. It was something that Andromeda and Cissy had pondered themselves, after all, whilst the Black family name was practically royalty, what self-respecting, rich, pure-blood wizard would wish to marry one of their sons off to Bellatrix after all of that?

That had probably been something that her Father had also been rather concerned about. He had always been bitterly disappointed that he had never been birthed a male heir, but he always had the consolation prize of being able to marry off his darling daughters to the cream of the crop in pure-blood bachelors.

He was very good friends with the obscenely wealthy Abraxas Malfoy and if the rumours were to be believed - they had once discussed the possibility of marrying off their first born children together, with that philanderer Lucius even briefly courting Bellatrix at one point in time.

Of course that was undoubtedly off of the cards completely now, with Abraxas loathe to marry off his prized asset to such a disgraced young witch. Lucius would no doubt end up marrying one of the other less discredited pure-blood girls he liked to pursue at school. It could be Danielle Avery, Amara Greengrass or maybe even that bitch Olivia Burke – but definitely not Bellatrix.

Bellatrix was damaged goods and not even the prospect of their family name, reputation and wealth could paper over the cracks she had created. As her father had discovered - there was not a single self-respecting, rich, pureblood wizard who would considering marrying off their son to such a witch.

However, luckily for him, whilst there were no self-respecting, rich, pureblood wizards who would consider it – there was at least one rich, pureblood wizard that would consider it.

This was where Gaius Lestrange had come into the picture.

He was not self-respecting in the slightest, instead, he was utterly shameless in his lust for power, respect and social climbing. Whilst many other noble men with names like Malfoy, Crouch, Yaxley and Nott had pride and reputation to lose by entering their sons into such a bargain with Bellatrix – Gaius Lestrange was from a family that had not yet managed to carve out such pride or reputation into their name.

From what Andromeda had gathered from her Mother the vast majority of the Lestrange family had still been based in France at the turn of the 20th century, but following Grindelwald’s rise to power in Europe, a lot of the men had moved their wives and children to the comparative safety of Britain.

The patriarchs of the family did not do this to avoid Grindelwald’s war, on the contrary, the vast majority were actively following him into battle - and thus, they feared possible reprisals from a French Ministry that was keen to crack down on the dark wizard’s most loyal supporters by any means necessary.

Gaius Lestrange was still a teenager bogged down in his studies at Hogwarts when Grindelwald fell, with his Father subsequently locked up for life in the same prison that housed the man he had followed until the bitter end.

The Lestrange family had quite a few prosperous business ventures scattered across France, but they were soon purged following their owner’s demise and Gaius and his Mother were left with nothing but the cramped little cottage that housed them in Nottingham.  Andromeda’s Mother had not expanded on how exactly Gaius Lestrange had managed to acquire the comparative riches that he held today, but she did not have any reason to believe it had come about entirely from legitimate business practices. All that she knew was that at some point Gaius, after befriending many other like-minded pure-blood wizards at Hogwarts, had eventually married the misshapen looking Edith Bulstrode and popped out two sons – one of which was now lucky enough to have Bellatrix as his prospective bride.

Rodolphus Lestrange could indeed consider himself lucky to have Bellatrix as his bride, as the lanky, dark-haired boy was not someone that Bellatrix, or indeed any of the other Slytherin girls seemed to show any romantic interest in.

Bellatrix liked to flirt and fornicate with the most powerful, ambitious and talented boys, not quiet, timid lackeys like her prospective fiancé. Rodolphus was not particularly gifted in any of his classes, nor did he possess enough talent on a broom to warrant a place on the dominant Slytherin quidditch side. He was a follower, not a leader, with the only person he seemed to have any influence over being his younger brother, Rabastan, who was even shyer and stranger than his sibling.

Andromeda doubted that Rodolphus would be able to tame her sister, in-fact, she figured Bellatrix would probably chew him up and spit him straight back out. In many ways she thought that made Gaius Lestrange’s eldest son the ideal man for Bellatrix, but if her repeated tantrums were anything to go by, it did not seem likely that she saw it that way herself.

“Andromeda, my dear, you have not eaten much of your steak,” her Mother said suddenly, interrupting her day-dreaming at the dining room table.

“Did Rudy not cook it how you like it? I will summon him at once, he can cook you another one.”

“No, Mother, this one is fine,” she quickly replied before her Mother could have a go at their house elf.

She was not lying – the food that Rudy had prepared her was no less nice than it always was, but she just had too much on her mind to be hungry enough to eat it.

Even if he had over-cooked it she would not have complained about it. She hated to see him chastised by her Mother, or worse, when he would punish himself for the slightest of errors or mistakes in his cooking or cleaning.

Bellatrix had for many years taken a great sadistic pleasure in fabricating problems with the meals he prepared for her, not because she had any particular hatred of him, but purely because she enjoyed watching her Mother berate and punish him. There were even a few occasions that he had broken down in tears, which had brought great amusement to her triumphant sister, who seemed to enjoy watching others getting publicly humiliated, especially if they were people or creatures that she considered beneath her.

“This is not the first time you have not finished your dinner this week, Andromeda. I do hope you are not taking part in that silly dieting trend that seems to have become popular with young witches. The Prophet said it originates from the Mud-

“I am not dieting!” she snapped before her Mother could say the word.

Druella Black did not take too kindly to any of her children raising their voices at her, but ever since Bellatrix’s fall from grace she had been a lot more lenient with her two younger girls.

“Andromeda Black!” her mother muttered in a stern voice.

“I am sorry Mother,” Andromeda lied, which caused the angry expression on Druella’s face to fade away slightly. “I should not have raised my voice at you… it is just lately I…  I am feeling so…

“Yes?” her Mother replied eagerly. “What is it, dear? I have sensed something has not been quite right with you lately, please, do tell me what it is and we can resolve it.”

Andromeda had to think of something fast.

She could not tell her Mother what it was that was really stressing her out. That her Father selling off her sister to the highest bidder like an antique ornament had hit her with the stark realisation that this could one day soon be her fate too.

It wasn’t so bad for Cissy.

Fabian Prewett might be a flamboyant, rebellious Gryffindor, but he was still a pure-blood from a wealthy wizarding family. Her little sister still liked to keep their budding romance a secret, but there was no reason to believe that their Father wouldn’t greenlight a marriage between them if it one day got that serious.

Andromeda would not be so lucky.

Ted was a muggle-born and she would probably be disowned by her Father if he even knew she was dating him, let alone if she asked for his blessing to one day marry him.

“I am absolutely dreading going back to school, Mother,” she mustered up. “We start studying for our N.E.W.T.S and I just… I do not think I can hack it!” Andromeda blurted out, as she unexpectedly burst into tears.

Her Mother did not reach out to comfort her instantly, as she had spent many years training herself and her daughters to avoid showing such extreme emotion, but after a few moments she came closer and began to run her fingers through Andromeda’s dark brown hair.

“Oh, my dearest daughter, you are such a silly girl sometimes,” she whispered softly in a slightly patronising tone.

The reason that Andromeda had burst into tears was indeed due to her dreading the return to Hogwarts, yet it was not her N.E.W.T.S that kept her up at night, but her relationship with Ted.  

Her courtship of him had initially began as an exciting act of defiance and rebellion.

Their first date in Hogsmeade had been somewhat, if not entirely, influenced by her desire to rebound from Lucius Malfoy.  She had thought that if the Slytherin seeker had found out she had been on a date with another boy, a muggle-born no less, that he would first get extremely jealous- and then come to his senses and realise what a mistake he had made by casting her aside for Olivia.

As luck would have it that Hogsmeade trip had seen an incredible torrent of rain, which had put off most students from even bothering to venture out of the castle. Andromeda had headed there primarily to get the books that she wanted, not imagining that the muggle-boy with the silly haircut and the nice cheek-bones would bother braving the rain to meet her – but to her surprise when she had entered Tomes and Scrolls there he had been, browsing a book-shelf on the other side of the room.

They had gone on that date to Madam Pudifoot’s and save for the waitress had not seen a single soul from school the entire afternoon. In hindsight it was damn good fortune that they hadn’t. If anyone from Slytherin had spotted them together then their fledging relationship would have been over before it had even begun.

For the next three months they had primarily communicated by owl-post, with Andromeda frantically studying for her O.W.L.S she at least had a feasible excuse not to want to be too distracted by becoming Ted’s girlfriend. Then in July when most of her exams were over, they had met up again by the Great Lake in “their” spot, when the very last of the year’s Quidditch matches were taking place.

Much like their first meeting they could talk by the trees with very little chance of anyone stumbling upon them. That was when Ted had first raised his suspicions of the real reason why Andromeda had been somewhat pushing him away – that she did not want to be seen in public with him, that she could not be with him because he was a muggle-born.

She had tried to explain to him that it wasn’t that simple – and that he didn’t understand how her parents would react if they learned she was dating a muggle-born. He had at first been crestfallen, then he had furiously issued her an ultimatum, stating that if she was never willing to openly be his girlfriend then they were both just wasting their time.

He had begun to walk away from her when she desperately called out for him to stop, then as he had turned back to look at her she had ran towards him and flung herself into his un-expecting arms, before surprising him even further by passionately pressing her lips against his. It had been their first kiss – and before the sun had set that evening, she was pretty sure they had also had their one hundred and first kiss too.

Over the summer they had met up at least twice a week – and Ted being a muggle-born meant he would always take her places that no witch or wizard would ever see them. It was perfect. It was lovely – and now it was going to be ruined by them going back to Hogwarts.

There were no secret rooms in the castle they could meet up away from the prying eyes of the pure-blood contingency.

Andromeda knew that Ted would not be willing to settle for months of letters and the occasional secret meet-up when there was a Quidditch match on – and he should not have to settle for that, he deserved to be with someone that loved him enough to publicly be his girlfriend.

But how could Andromeda do that?

She couldn’t.

And she knew sooner or later that Ted would break up with her and find someone else who would.

He would probably get with a pretty muggle-born or half-blood girl that didn’t act like a fish out of water whenever meeting up with his non-wizard friends and family. Andromeda would then have to watch Ted and this girl holding hands as they strolled around the castle grounds, or maybe when a Quidditch match was on she would stumble upon them kissing in “their” spot by the Great Lake.

Andromeda felt the hot tears continue to run down her face as her Mother carried on stroking her hair.

“Now, now, Andromeda… you are being so silly. There is nothing for you to worry about. Whatever happens your Father and I will be so very proud of you. Do you hear me?” she said, as Andromeda wiped her wet eye-lids and saw her Mother’s best attempt at a reassuring smile.

“But what if I… what if I-

She briefly considered confiding in her Mother.

It was only for a split-second.

She thought that maybe she would understand.

Maybe she would let her fall in love with whoever she wanted after all.

“Even if you do fail your exams… and Andromeda, dear, you will not, but even if you do… you are a beautiful young pure-blood woman. You will be sixteen in a few weeks. It will not be long before your Father begins to search for a suitable husband for you… and I mean a truly suitable husband, not the… not the riff-raff that your sister has had to make do with… and then Andromeda it will not truly matter how good or bad your grades are. After all, as your Father quite rightfully points out… the only real reason a pure-blood girl needs to go to school is to advertise.”

“To advertise… to advertise what?” Andromeda mumbled amid her post-cry sniffles.

“To advertise themselves to the best young pure-blood men of course. It seems your sister was a bit over-eager in that department – I blame myself partially, although I did do my utmost to prevent her from doing anything too stupid. Oh but I did fail her… I did… oh Andromeda it is all my fault!”

It was not long before her Mother too had begun to cry – and in what was a very un-Black like event, they held each other for a good long while whilst they both bawled their eyes out.

Her mother, crying because she thought that she had not done right by Bellatrix – and Andromeda, crying because she knew now that when the time came, she would not do right by her either.

[twodudesandamovie]

Brokeback Mountain Review

In lights of the recent Academy Awards, Eric nominated one of the more famous Oscar snubs in Brokeback mountain. Both Alex and Eric also were interested in how we look at LGBTQIA+ movies today as opposed to 15 years ago. Among the things discussed post-review were how Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t be controversial today, and how it was really a common love story with a twist.  Alex's Review: With ample amounts of dread, I dove into this over two hour long Lil Nas X origin story. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger's characters seem to have no real jobs and instead aimlessly move sheep from Point A to Point B for no fucking reason and get paid for it. I guess maybe this is what being a cowboy entailed, but I assumed you became noted as a cowboy by your big hat combined with a denim jacket/jeans. Who could say really. Their relationship starts out on a confusing note, where you feel uncomfortable as to the willingness of both parties, but eventually you get to see a very complicated narrative form about what it was like to be secretly gay in 1963. The parts of the film that involve herding sheep are actually very entertaining, to have a peek into a lifestyle of a man who has to be able to pick up an entire sheep. I do not want or think I will ever need that ability, but I digress. The movie itself, although dreadfully long, hit on a lot of complicated emotions. Trying to follow three or more unsuccessful relationships throughout the course of the movie felt emotionally taxing at times, but not necessarily in a way that I could not relate to. At the end of the day, it sort of is just a complicated love story, but with a twist on it. Not unheard of in film, but I've never had to experience it told in this form. Usually, there's a "taking two girls to the same dance" kind of humor to it all. Eric and I talked about how we were interested to see the movie post 2005, where the stigma of homosexuality is no longer prevalent in society. That being said, the movie felt like its overall message was sort of missed, if it actually had a message. However, the movie's goal to hit me on an emotional level was extremely successful. I went from not caring about the characters and very confused about the purpose of their work or why they could not foster a single healthy relationship, I ended being surprised I had somehow burnt through 135 minutes and very sad Jake and Heath did not get to live their best lives. Although I think it was a actually a REALLY good movie on a lot of levels, I wouldn't say I necessarily enjoyed the film. It is surely the highest rated movie on Rotten Tomatoes I have seen in the past decade that is not a comedy or animated, the entire sentiment was sort of lost on me, because in 2020, the year of our lord, I now have shame that I am straight. Funny how time works. Alex's rating: 7/10

Eric’s Review: Growing up, Brokeback Mountain was of course known as “the gay cowboy movie.” Looking back, that summary was so minimizing for a movie of this excellence, but that’s what 14-year-old me knew it as. That shortsighted synopsis carried with me to this day, I’m not proud of it, but that’s what it stuck in my head as. It generated tons of controversy when it came out in 2005. Primordial fuck-noodles like Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus weren’t short on homophobic remarks of Brokeback, and the owner of the Utah Jazz even pulled it from his movie theatre’s. Every conservative with a mouth cavity couldn’t contain their uproar. Then it was snubbed at the Oscars. Crash won Best Picture instead of Brokeback Mountain, it shouldn’t have hurt this movie’s legacy, but it did. Crash seems more deeply-ingrained in my memory than Brokeback Mountain, and maybe because society at that time wasn’t ready for a movie quite like this. We put it in a box and never let it out. After watching, I deeply felt that it didn’t matter what Jack or Ennis’ sexual orientation’s were (as it shouldn’t), it was a love story about two exceedingly lonely human’s trapped in a society that wouldn’t accept them. Fast-forward 30-40 years from when the movie was set, and it didn’t seem like much had changed. I don’t think Crash deserved Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain, but am I angry that it happened? Not really. Awards are decided by those that vote on them (no shit), and that particular group of people felt Crash was the better movie. C’est la vie. I usually don’t enjoy dwelling on plot in my reviews but I owe it to the reader to say what this movie is about since so many people refer to it as “the gay cowboy movie.” Two men, Jack Twist (played by Jake Gylenhaal) and Ennis Del Ray (played by Heath Ledger), show up at a trailer in Wyoming asking for work for the summer. A jack-of-all-trades (including being a jackass) named Joe needs someone to keep an eye on his sheep for him up in Brokeback Mountain, so he sends them up there to do so with a horse, some guns, and some cans of beans. As they spend time on the scenic heart-swelling Brokeback Mountain, they fall in love. But it’s the early 60s, and as they prepare to go back down the mountain, they know they can’t carry out their romance in the narrow-minded rural landscape of their country towns. As Ennis points out, people get killed for that. This act ends in Jack and Ennis having a fist fight, as emotionally repressed men tend to do. Focus-in on blood Jack gets on his shirt and save this for later. Post-tryst, Ennis gets married and Jack is a rodeo boy making passes at bull-tamers. But then Ennis gets a postcard one day. The screenplay does a wonderful job seamlessly transitioning time as they carry out their romance over the years. They’d tell their wives they were going on “fishing trips,” when they were really going to the mountains for some whiskey and love-making. We can tell Ennis truly does love his wife Alma (played by Michelle Williams) at the start of their relationship. They have two kids, but the kids cause quite a strain on their marriage. And as the years go by, Ennis’ commitment issues due to his parents abandoning him as a child rear their ugly head. Jack marries a fellow rodeo girl in Texas named Laureen (played by Anne Hathaway), but their relationship is more of a business transaction. She approaches him to engage in some tumbleweed-rodeo-secks. She just wants a kid and a husband to help in the machinery business. This is okay with Jack and their marriage lasts, even with Jack’s infidelities. Ennis’ doesn’t. Alma knows about Ennis and Jack’s relationship and they grow apart over the years. Ennis’ commitment issues aren’t exclusive to Alma, though. As the film progresses, we see he applied this to every relationship in his life: his future girlfriend, his daughter’s, and even Jack. It’s why their relationship ultimately fails. Jack had dreams of living in the Wyoming country and being a cattle rancher with Ennis, but Ennis often laughed at the notion. Ennis remembers a time when his dad showed him a dead body of a gay man beaten to death. It’s hard to say if he’s ashamed of their relationship, or just scared. Even when he breaks down to Jack and exclaims: “YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!” The audience knows he doesn’t really mean it, he’s just a scared Wyoming cowboy with commitment issues. The last act starts with Ennis attempting to mail Jack a postcard, as that’s how they used to communicate (I really do love how much more romantic a postcard or a letter can be than a text), he gets a return to sender that says “deceased.” Ennis calls Laureen and talks to her for the first time in his life. She knows he was one of Jack’s lover’s and seems slightly annoyed but at peace with it. She gives him a bogus story about how a tire popped and Jack drowned in his own blood, but Ennis knows he was beaten to death for being gay. His whole bitter-tough-cowboy facade crumbles, as it only could with Jack, and Ennis and Laureen have an honest moment reminiscing over the man they both loved. We could tell Laureen’s relationship with Jack was no longer transactional, as they aged together and learned to love each other. She tells Ennis he was cremated and that Jack always wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain, and that he should go visit his parents. When Ennis arrives, we immediately know the family dynamic: Jack had a typical tough-exterior-tobacco-spitting farmer dad, but a sweet gentle mom where Jack may have gotten the familial love and understanding that Ennis never got. He used to tell his dad that he wanted to buy a home near him with Ennis and help with the ranch. Even through the dad’s tough exterior and his insistence on Jack’s ashes being scattered at the family plot and not at Brokeback Mountain, we can tell he’s truly a father who misses his son. There is something fragile to him, something so melancholy that it expels a grieving scent throughout the home. Jack’s mom tells Ennis that she left his room as it was when he was a child. Ennis goes up there in the most heartbreaking scene of the movie, and sees Jack’s roots. Then he wanders over to the closet and finds the shirt Jack was wearing the last day they were on Brokeback Mountain. The blood from their fight is still on the sleeve. It’s a symbol of how Ennis pushed away everyone he’s ever loved, but especially Jack, the love of his life and only one who ever truly understood him. He takes the shirt, not only as a memorial to Jack, but as a reminder of how he’s treated his loved ones in his life. In the last scene, Ennis’ daughter visits him. Previously, we learned Ennis was largely absent from her life. Ennis doesn’t even know who she’s currently dating when she visits him, and then she tells him she’s getting married. At first, Ennis wants to cling to his cold exterior, the shell it seems he’s reverted into even more since Jack’s death. But we see him finally shed this shell, as he tells his daughter he’ll be at the wedding. Maybe he heard Jack’s voice in his head reminding him to be a bit more brave, as after Ennis’ daughter leaves, he walks over to his dresser where Jack’s bloody shirt hangs. Cut to credits and let me cry. The first point that caught my eye about directorial choices in this movie was the stark juxtaposition of the dream-like Wyoming mountains and the depressing domestication of Wyoming and Texas rural home-life. The resplendent colors we see in the mountains and the off-whites and browns we see in Wyoming and Texas are purposeful and are painted with sincere artistry. Ang Lee had a balloon and he grabbed it with his gentle directorial touch then smeared it with peanut butter and sent it off into the clouds. The acting was downright phenomenal. I believe this was the first movie where Heath Ledger was taken seriously as an actor and not a Hollywood heartthrob. It was pre-Dark Knight and he may have never gotten that role if it weren’t for this movie. I know I pointed it out in my Little Women review, but the talent it takes to change your accent like that is befuddling. Ledger is Australian and is talking in a down-home Wyoming drawl. His portrayal of Ennis is the beating heart of this movie. I’d like to say he was a strong and silent type, but really he was weak and silent, sort of a metaphor for the way our society treated sexuality back then. I could review each actor’s performance, but the truth is: it was utterly superb all around. Only with this kind of acting and screenwriting can a movie achieve such character depth and nuance. Rating: 9.5/10. One of the best film’s of the twenty-first century. Did this deserve the Oscar over Crash? Fuck yes it did. I liked Crash but it wasn’t the all-around masterpiece Brokeback Mountain was. It’s also insane to think how far LGBTQ+ has come in 15 years, as I think Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t even be close to as controversial today as it was back then. Do I think it might’ve won the Oscar? Probably not. The academy hasn’t evolved much since then. R.I.P. Heath Ledger too, it was so sad watching a deceased actor at the top of his talent in one of his best roles. 

[sparklyjojos]

[THE CHILDISH DARKNESS Recaps, Chapter 8]

[tw: gore, adult-minor relationship, a bundle of homophobia / biphobia / transphobia]

--------

EIGHT

Saburou always told Kaede that she should find a honest, loyal and benevolent man, even if he himself wasn’t really any of these things. Every man Kaede tried to date sooner or later turned out to be awful, which inevitably led to a break up, sadness and – on a surprisingly large number of occassions – Saburou beating up the boyfriend of the week.

Nobody, not a single one of these men believed in becoming or having a partner whose love is honest, loyal and benevolent. But what about Saburou himself? He certainly believed there could exist a woman that had all these qualities. Just like all the girlfriends and wives of his friends: honest (not mentioning something to their partners technically wasn’t lying!), loyal (it’s not like they wanted to leave their husbands!), and benevolent (they forgave Saburou a lot!).

“I wouldn’t say that’s love,” Kaede said. “That’s something you understand when you get there. You never actually were in love, right?” Well, not really. “How about with me?” Idiot.

That being said, he cherished Kaede. He got angry at her good for nothing boyfriends and let her cry on his shoulder. In turn, Kaede forgave his flaws and kept hanging out with him. But that had to be only because they were good friends. Besides, his body never responded with arousal when in physical contact with her, so clearly that wasn’t love, right?

The love he felt for Yurio was different, but… she was thirteen, he twenty-nine. Just thirteen! This wasn’t something considered to be normal, and he definitely didn’t have a lolita complex or something! He’d really have to start dating single adult women from now on! Yurio should live her own life, get a boyfriend her age and grow up normally. He cared about her and so never attempted to kiss her or have intercourse, even if it was tempting.

When she told Kaede about his Yurio problem, Kaede called him a lolicon, reminded him that he’s an owner of a cram school filled with minors, overall questioned his morality and proposed giving himself up to the police.

--

Around the time Saburou had finished writing the third Runbaba novel, Kaede for whatever reason married their childhood friend Okamoto Yasuhiro (But really, with Okachi? Was he maybe not as strictly into guys as he had thought as a child?). The reaction of Saburou’s brothers and father to this news was to tell Saburou that he’s an idiot for passing the occasion to marry a good woman like her. Shirou – who knew about his many sexcapades -- told him without any qualms that maybe he should just cut his dick off. In hindsight, maybe it really would be better if he’d done that before it showed interest in a thirteen-year-old.

Saburou’s mother didn’t say anything back then, but he knew she was disappointed too. Kaede had often visited their house and earned the favor of the entire family. Even Maruo’s election committee member Mitamura Hidenori had said that Saburou found himself a nice girlfriend, and that she looked amusingly similar to Saburou’s mother in her youth. Maruo’s secretary Kato Satoshi replied that Saburou was still young and would surely meet a lot of nice women later (little knowing that Saburou had surely had a fruitful meeting with his granddaughter once).

What would Jirou say about it if he was still there? Back when Kaede had been in middle school and Jirou’s companion Kawai Kazuhiro attempted to date her, he got punched by Jirou so hard he flew a few meters away. Then Jirou used a cigarette to give him several burns on his right hand, arranging them in the shape of Cassiopeia (at that time burning constellations into people was his big ‘interest’). He also had Kazuhiro wear female underwear, knowing that when Kazuhiro and his twin brother Youji had been children, they were often made fun of for wearing cute feminine clothes and hairstyles their parents loved.

Jirou repeated all of the above later with Youji who had attempted to get revenge for his brother. Youji’s constellation of choice was the Big Dipper.

Without a doubt Jirou had some interest in Kaede. He never hurt her and she was about the only person in the entire prefecture who didn’t show fear in his presence. He never looked as relaxed as when talking with her.

Have Saburou married Kaede, maybe Jirou (if he was there) would beat him up too and burn Orion or something into his hand.

But hey, it’s not like Saburou’s relationship with Kaede was Like That.

Was it?

--

Even if Yurio still occasionally showed up in Saburou’s bedroom with a knife asking him to stab her and he had to fling the knife out the window and chant “It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright”, these outbursts became much rarer. Things were going good.

Then Saburou got a call from Atena, who told him in tears that Shirou was currently fighting for his life after he’d been hit by a runaway driver in the hospital’s parking lot.

Saburou made sure that Yurio would be fine staying alone in the house and that she had her phone nearby (pink with a sticker saying ‘love’ and their tiny photo), and left to drive to the hospital. It seemed Shirou had borrowed his BMW in the morning, so Saburou had to use Ichirou’s Bentz instead.

A traffic officer called Aoyama told him that right when Shirou had been leaving the building, he got hit by a car so hard he bounced a few times between the car’s roof and the porch ceiling. Hardly an ‘accident’. Fortunately Shirou could be taken to ER immediately afterwards, but the outcome of surgery was uncertain. It wasn’t the first time in the span of not even three months that Shirou had been seriously injured in a car accident.

Who would be trying to take Shirou out? Some sort of gang? Saburou called a yakuza member he'd met once when he’d been hanging out with Jirou, Tsuji Yutaka (first lieutenant of Furutaka-gumi related to Hoshino-kai). But before he could really ask about anything, Tsuji shot his own question at him:

“Is is true that Mr. Jirou returned? A whole lot of rumours is flying around claiming that he showed his face in Fukui lately.”

Apparently, somebody had seen Jirou in the Palace Hotel in Fukui, assisted by a woman, and now various group were trying to find him. Was that just innocent Kawaji Natsurou being mistaken for Jirou? Were the two men one? Was that someone else? And who was that woman? No, there’s no way that…

Could Jirou be trying to murder Shirou? He shouldn’t have any reasons to pick him as a victim over Maruo or Saburou, but maybe he changed his approach somehow. Saburou remembered a piece of dialogue from Thomas Harris once again.

“Do you spook easily, Starling?”

“Not yet.”

Jirou / Natsurou had showed up in his dreams as Hannibal Lecter. Would Clarice “Saburou” Starling be able to put him behind bars?

Saburou decided to check who that woman was first and thought about Jirou’s old followers he could ask about her. Maybe Kawai Kazuhiro? Saburou found his number in the phone book, but was told that Kazuhiro and his twin Youji had gone missing fourteen years earlier in December 1986.

Exactly when Jirou vanished. Did he take the twins with him for some reason? As a mystery writer Saburou instantly reacted to the twins being involved by thinking of some complicated body switch trick. That would be ridiculous. But Saburou couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of Jirou running away with someone and soon realized just why he felt so bitter about it.

Why hadn’t Jirou taken him along?

No, he had to resume thinking about the case at hand. He had to finally become useful. Or was he really that stupid and good for nothing?

--

Upon getting to the hospital, Saburou first went to visit Maruo in his room overcrowded with political partners (the news spread fast about his son possibly being targeted) and was startled to find Maruo crying. He took Ichirou’s secretary Hasegawa Katsuyuki aside.

“Hey, why is Maruo crying?” he asked.

“What do you mean ‘why’, Mr. Saburou? Mr. Shirou got hit by a car!”

But Shirou was still alive, and when Saburou had called Maruo earlier the man sounded unfazed.

“He wiped his tears and took a few deep breaths before getting the call,” Hasegawa said. “He didn’t want to show you his panic. That’s what parents do.” Hasegawa added that they had tried to contact Ichirou in vain. He must have still been searching for their mother.

Maruo thanked Saburou for coming, and Saburou knew that he meant “thank you for being here at this time”. Ever since Nozaki’s attack Maruo got a lot more timid. Shirou would claim that looking death in the eyes had changed him.

“What do you think, Saburou?” Maruo asked after a brief exchange about the accident / attempted murder. “Why did that happen?”

“I wonder if there’s someone who holds resentment towards him.”

“Do you think it’s my fault?” A wry smile. “You too think that all these things happening to my family is my fault?”

How could one respond to such a question? Deep inside, Saburou felt like Maruo really was the cause of all their problems, but of course a whole lot of other people were at fault. Maybe they -- the brothers as well as their mother -- could have done better instead of giving up on Jirou. Maybe Maruo and Jirou should have tried better for the sake of each other.

“Everyone’s gone already,” Maruo continued. “Everyone’s leaving the Natsukawa house.”

“Maybe it’s better if they did,” Saburou replied, “if they can do what they want. Even if split up, family is still family, right? Everyone would be able to finally solve the problems they couldn’t tackle while staying in that house.”

Maruo certainly feared losing the family he kept around him. When his wife had been attacked and fell into coma, he slept an entire day long as if trying to escape intense grief. He’d always been a weaker man than he looked.

“That’s not possible,” Maruo said after some thought. “The family must stay together until the end.”

Saburou didn’t plan on screaming, but he couldn’t help yelling through sudden tears about how Maruo is always saying things like that and making everyone miserable, that this fixation on keeping them together is ruining everything, that it’d be best to finally let everyone go and live separately!

Maruo looked shocked, but clearly not believing in anything he’d just heard. “You’re going to leave too, aren’t you? Then leave!”

Saburou hadn’t said that, but he was already sobbing like a little boy and couldn’t voice his arguments well. Surely Maruo just spoke brashly in an attempt to hide weakness, but Saburou still felt hurt. Leaving the room, Saburou heard one more thing behind his back.

“You’re not my child anymore!”

Saburou broke down crying in the hallway.

Natsukawa Saburou, abandoned by both his parents. No, that last name wasn’t even his anymore. His house wasn’t his house anymore.

Hasegawa walked out after him and told him not to run away, that Maruo surely understood what Saburou had meant, and that he needed just a little more patience and some more calm talking.

But it was always the same! They just always returned to the starting point, and no one ever seemed to grow the fuck up!

Hasegawa didn’t agree with that, and told him that Shirou had decided to become a candidate in the summer election to replace the still hospitalized Ichirou and Maruo. In fact he only showed up at the hospital that day because they were talking politics. Even despite his own job back in the USA, Shirou was more than ready to do something like this for the good of the family.

Saburou yelled at Hasegawa to shut up and ran away. Who he was running away from? Hasegawa, Maruo, Shirou? Himself? He hadn’t done anything useful like Shirou, and even if he intended to help Yurio, in the end it was Shirou who really took care of her and her mental health.

--

Waiting in front of the operating theater, Saburou talked with a man called Fukushima Manabu, who until pretty recently had owned a convenience store, but was now Shirou’s secretary. He also happened to be a son of one of Nozaki’s victims, who had died after a long coma. Fukushima wondered if it had been the right choice to try keeping her alive for that long.

“I don’t really understand it myself,” he said, “but I often saw my mother’s ghost when doing laundry. Or rather her soul, seeing as she hadn’t died yet at the time. Her face showed up in the water inside the washing machine, looking at me without a word, expression hard to read. But when I’d push the button to have the water drain out, she’d look at peace. I thought that maybe this was her way of asking me to finally let her go. But I was too afraid to do so, and I liked our little meetings. I couldn’t kill my mother. Eventually she died and never again showed up in the laundry water.”

Saburou didn’t know what his own reaction would be if the one in the coma was one of his brothers or father -- would he be able to cut off their life support, snip!, goodbye? -- but shuddered to even think about killing any of them. Besides, he wanted to show them that he’s worth something. No matter how horribly they’d suffer, he would stand his ground and refuse to kill them.

Just to what extent could egoism born from love be forgiven?

--

Saburou realized that not only had Shirou borrowed his car that day, he was also wearing his clothes, as he usually did because of how little baggage he had taken with him from the US. Whoever the runaway driver was, his intention wasn’t to kill Shirou, but Saburou.

Saburou thought that he really should have been the one to get hurt.

In the end, the doctors said that Shirou would survive. Around that time news surfaced about a car with a busted front window found near the hospital. The driver thought to be the one who had attacked Shirou was still sitting inside. The problem was, said driver was found with all the skin of his head and limbs peeled off, and all the teeth pulled out. Despite that he was still alive and said his name was Okamoto Yasuhiro. Okachi.

Saburou called Yurio and learned that Kaede had come by earlier asking to see him.

--

A little later Saburou arrived at the Mouryou Pond and found crying Kaede. He was afraid – because of Okachi’s attempt to kill him, because of Kaede waiting here for him with unknown intentions – but then again, the entire world held nothing but fear for him now. He’d been thrown out of the family, Shirou was injured, and his mother, Ichirou, Jirou were all far away.

But Yurio was still there. He had to put this mess in order and return to her.

Kaede said that she’d been in love with Saburou for a long time, and no matter how much she tried to date others, it just wouldn’t work. She had no idea that things would lead to this awful situation. She had thought that maybe getting together with Okachi would be fine, that he’d have no interest in her. But lately he had seemed to have grown more at ease with touching and kissing her. They had a lot of long conversations about it.

Saburou remembered the note that had been found by Okachi’s body.

 Saburou, I’m glad you’re still alive. Even though a lot of time had passed, do you continue doing what’s right? Just by observing you a little I was able to make sure. You’re a honest and docile person. (...)

Do you still read mystery novels? Do you remember the title of the book that I, you and Shirou read together and liked a lot? ‘Red Dragon’ by Thomas Harris. Have you read its sequel, ‘The Silence of the Lambs’? I did. If you’ve read it, but can’t remember the details, you can check it for yourself later: the thing that Lecter tells Clarice about Buffalo Bill:

“Billy’s not a transsexual, Clarice, but he thinks he is, he tries to be.”

Saburou, this man just like Buffalo Bill is trying to deceive himself. This statement should be enough for you to understand the meaning of what I did. Observe the scene from all sides, try out all ideas. When constantly looked at by a new pair of eyes and in a different light, everything will certainly reveal itself.

This is a simple, maybe a little flashy work of art made to show you just that. I hesitated a little over whether or not to use novocain, but this indecision was swept away when I heard that Shirou had been saved. The point in the first place wasn’t to give this creation suffering. I chose the song “I will survive”, as this man’s self-deception was just that persistent.

You see, flaying alive is a popular execution method in the East and in the West both, but in the Sixteen Kingdoms period particularly, skinning the person’s face was followed by making them sing and dance for everyone’s amusement. I’m sure you would enjoy it too. His rendition of “I will survive”.

 The above note had been put into Okachi’s mouth together with a giant pink dildo signed by “Death God Jawakutora”. The handwriting style of the note without a doubt belonged to Jirou. Saburou had no intention of ever showing that note to Kaede.

Okachi had felt jealous about Saburou and Kaede. Had he been just faking it like Jirou implied, or was he actually bisexual like Kaede thought? When he’d once said that Kaede had been the first woman he’d ever fell in love with, was it true? Maybe his talk about how the border between gay and straight is hard to see was born from his experience of not falling squarely on one of these sides. Was his murderous intent towards Saburou true jealousy or somehow born from false emotions?

Saburou’s thoughts were interrupted by a phone call from Yurio, who gasped and hanged up as soon as he mentioned he and Kaede were at the Mouryou Pond. Since he and Yurio had first met here, she probably considered it a special place.

When he turned to face Kaede again, she was holding a knife, but didn’t make a move, crying that she didn’t understand anything anymore. Saburou had a feeling that the situation couldn’t be resolved other than by having someone be stabbed.

“Stab me, Kaede,” he said knowing well that she wouldn’t. She wasn’t Yurio. Her love was different. But maybe it’d be better if she did stab him. Everything was his fault, his and his love’s. “I have loved you all along, Kaede. That’s why it’s better if you stab me.” He both didn’t actually want to die and thought that it’d really be a better option.

All of this was the fault of the egoism of his love. He had known about Kaede’s suffering, but refused to disconnect her life support. Disconnect himself from her. He stubbornly stayed near her as she hovered at the faint line between life and death, not really falling on either side.

He kept telling her to stab him, she kept saying she can’t and at last dropped the knife, and he embraced her.

Maybe her inability to kill him was also the effect of egoism born from love.

In the end, Kaede said she’d go to the police and tell them about Okachi, but that she wanted to stay alone at the lake for a little while. Only when walking down the mountain did Saburou realize that she still had the knife, but highly doubted that Kaede would hurt herself. He considered turning around, but if he wanted to support her, the right choice was probably to just leave. To cut the line of the life support.

Goodbye, Kaede. Snip! Goodbye.

--

When Saburou returned home, he found a headless corpse in the garden, and the ID revealed the dead to be Yurio’s father. A knife – the same that Saburou had thrown out the window -- lied discarded to the side. Yurio must have used it.

But the one she should have killed wasn’t her father. After Yurio cut his father’s head off, she carved a (still bleeding) “LOVE ME TENDER” into his chest and put Saburou’s pants on him.

The one lying dead on the ground should be Saburou.

Without even trying to find Yurio or taking care of the corpse Saburou entered the underground storage and closed himself in the darkness, exhausted from everything that happened lately.

He heard footsteps again, heard them stop abruptly over his head again, but this time someone opened the trapdoor. It wasn’t the pale ghost of a little girl.

“Found you!” laughed Kawaji Natsurou.

He looked an awful lot like Jirou -- made himself look like Jirou -- but his hand bore several scars arranged in the shape of the Big Dipper. Kawai Youji.

“Long time no see,” Saburou answered. “You seem to have found a really good mask.” A spitting image of Jirou. Wait, if Jirou had peeled off the skin from Okachi’s face, did Youji do the same to Jirou and wore it like his own?

Saburou tried to fight, but Youji managed to inject him a knockout drug.

As if whatever god there was had finally gave up on him and decided to cut off his life support after seeing him return to that same small darkness under the floor over and over again.

Snip! Goodbye, Saburou.

[>>>NEXT>>>]

[dfroza]

how do people deal with their impending death?

do they seek the hope of rebirth in the True illumination of the Son?

do you know that we as children of Light have become Heaven’s poetry?

A line from Today’s reading of the ancient Scriptures from the 2nd chapter of the Letter of Ephesians:

“For we are the product of His hand, heaven’s poetry etched on lives, created in the Anointed, Jesus, to accomplish the good works God arranged long ago.”

(verse 10 in The Voice)

with the whole chapter here in The Passion Translation:

[God’s Power Raised Us from the Dead]

And his fullness fills you, even though you were once like corpses, dead in your sins and offenses. It wasn’t that long ago that you lived in the religion, customs, and values of this world, obeying the dark ruler of the earthly realm who fills the atmosphere with his authority, and works diligently in the hearts of those who are disobedient to the truth of God. The corruption that was in us from birth was expressed through the deeds and desires of our self-life. We lived by whatever natural cravings and thoughts our minds dictated, living as rebellious children subject to God’s wrath like everyone else.

But God still loved us with such great love. He is so rich in compassion and mercy. Even when we were dead and doomed in our many sins, he united us into the very life of Christ and saved us by his wonderful grace! He raised us up with Christ the exalted One, and we ascended with him into the glorious perfection and authority of the heavenly realm, for we are now co-seated as one with Christ!

Throughout the coming ages we will be the visible display of the infinite riches of his grace and kindness, which was showered upon us in Jesus Christ. For by grace you have been saved by faith. Nothing you did could ever earn this salvation, for it was the love gift from God that brought us to Christ! So no one will ever be able to boast, for salvation is never a reward for good works or human striving.

We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!

[A New Humanity]

So don’t forget that you were not born as Jews and were uncircumcised (circumcision itself is just a work of man’s hands); you had none of the Jewish covenants and laws; you were foreigners to Israel’s incredible heritage; you were without the covenants and prophetic promises of the Messiah, the promised hope, and without God.

Yet look at you now! Everything is new! Although you were once distant and far away from God, now you have been brought delightfully close to him through the sacred blood of Jesus—you have actually been united to Christ!

Our reconciling “Peace” is Jesus! He has made Jew and non-Jew one in Christ. By dying as our sacrifice, he has broken down every wall of prejudice that separated us and has now made us equal through our union with Christ. Ethnic hatred has been dissolved by the crucifixion of his precious body on the cross. The legal code that stood condemning every one of us has now been repealed by his command. His triune essence has made peace between us by starting over—forming one new race of humanity, Jews and non-Jews fused together in himself!

Two have now become one, and we live restored to God and reconciled in the body of Christ. Through his crucifixion, hatred died. For the Messiah has come to preach this sweet message of peace to you, the ones who were distant, and to those who are near. And now, because we are united to Christ, we both have equal and direct access in the realm of the Holy Spirit to come before the Father!

So, you are not foreigners or guests, but rather you are the children of the city of the holy ones, with all the rights as family members of the household of God. You are rising like the perfectly fitted stones of the temple; and your lives have been built up together upon the foundation laid by the apostles and prophets, and best of all, you are connected to the Head Cornerstone of the building, the Anointed One, Jesus Christ himself!

This entire building is under construction and is continually growing under his supervision until it rises up completed as the holy temple of the Lord himself. This means that God is transforming each one of you into the Holy of Holies, his dwelling place, through the power of the Holy Spirit living in you!

The Letter of Ephesians, Chapter 2 (The Passion Translation)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 6th chapter of the book of Jeremiah that gives warning due to injustice and lies:

Eternal One (to His people): Run away, people of Benjamin,

and take refuge anywhere but Jerusalem.

You’re not safe inside those walls.

From the village of Tekoa, blow the trumpet, sound the alarm.

Light the warning fires above Beth-haccerem across the land.

For evil peers down; a dark army of destruction is gathering in the north.

I will destroy Jerusalem,

beautiful and delicate daughter of Zion.

As shepherds come and surround her with flocks of hungry sheep,

so their enemies will gather their troops around you, set up camp,

And feed off your land as they see fit.

“Get ready for the battle,” they cry.

“Come on, let’s attack. It’s already noon!

But look, the day is half over—

the shadows are growing longer.

So arise, let us launch our attack at night.

The palaces will fall in the darkness!”

This is what the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, decrees.

Eternal One: Cut down her trees—make battering rams and siege ramps—

for Jerusalem will soon be under attack.

Swarm over those walls, you invading hoards,

and punish My Jerusalem, the city of oppression.

Like fresh water from a well,

fresh wickedness flows from deep inside of her.

Sounds of cruelty and destruction rumble through this city;

her wounds are always before Me.

Take Me seriously, O Jerusalem; this warning is for you!

Listen to My words and turn away from evil

Or I will turn away from you in disgust.

I will turn you into a land so barren that no one would dare to live there.

This is what the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, decrees:

Eternal One: The enemy will pass over the remnant of Israel again and glean what is left,

like the worker who checks the vine again for any missed grapes.

To whom should I speak and give this warning?

Who will listen to what I say?

Their ears are closed; they cannot hear. They’re deaf to anything about God.

The Eternal’s word is offensive to them. They take no delight in it.

But I am welling up with His anger.

I’m too tired to try to hold it in any longer.

Eternal One: Pour it out on children playing in the streets,

on young men meeting together.

Husbands and wives, old and even the very old—

let each of them know they will be taken.

Their homes will be seized and lived in by others;

so, too, will their fields and wives be taken from them and given to others when I reach out against the people of this land.

Greed has corrupted this culture, from the least to the greatest:

all are tainted with this lust for what they don’t deserve.

The prophets and priests are no better.

Their lives reek with deceit.

To heal the brokenness of My people,

they offer superficial words.

They say, “Peace, peace,” as if all is well.

But there is no peace.

Do they feel any shame for their disgraceful deeds?

Absolutely not. My very own have forgotten how to blush.

And so it is that they will fall among the fallen and be defeated;

when the time comes, they will stumble beneath the weight of My punishment;

They will know soon enough what they have done.

This is what the Eternal decrees:

Eternal One (to the people): Stand at the crossing, and consider the ancient path,

for it is good and it leads to Me.

Walk on this path, and you will find rest for your souls.

But they have said, “We will not walk upon this road.”

Even then I sent watchmen to warn you of what is to come.

“Listen for the blaring of the trumpet,” I warned.

But the people did not listen.

They said, “We will not pay attention.”

Now listen to Me, nations of the earth.

Learn, O congregation, what is about to happen to My people.

Listen, O Earth, for I am bringing this disaster upon Judah.

This is the fruit of their own scheming.

For My people would not listen to My instructions;

They have rejected My guidance—My law—to go their own way.

Eternal One: What use do I have of your expensive incense from Sheba

or the fragrant reeds you offer Me from a faraway land?

I will not accept your burnt offerings;

the aroma of these empty sacrifices does not please Me.

And so I, the Eternal One, will place stumbling blocks on your path of rebellion.

You will stumble indeed, fathers and sons alike.

Neighbors and friends will be wiped out.

Look in the distance, and you will see an army

marching toward you out of the north.

A nation whose size and might you can’t imagine

is now awakening and coming from the remote parts of the earth.

They are armed with bows and spears.

Their hearts are cruel and will show you no mercy.

The sound of their massive army,

riding in on their horses, is like the sound of an angry sea;

They are ready for battle, marching in formation,

coming to destroy you, O Jerusalem, daughter of Zion.

We heard the news, and our strength vanished—anguish and fear grip us.

We twist in pain like a woman giving birth.

Do not go into the field alone.

Do not walk the streets, for our enemy is armed and approaching fast.

Terror is everywhere we turn.

You who are my people, weep with me for it is time.

Put on sackcloth and roll in ashes.

Cry as you would for the loss of an only child.

The time for bitter tears has come.

The destroyer is descending upon us quickly,

and the days of sadness will soon begin.

Eternal One (to Jeremiah): Put My people to the test.

Examine their ways as a refiner tests the ore’s purity.

They are all stubborn rebels,

lying to each other and to Me.

They are nothing more than bronze and iron—

lesser metals, corrupt and common.

The refining fire has blazed fiercely, My prophet;

the lead is burned away in the fire.

But it’s no use. Though the refining fire burns hot,

their wickedness cannot be removed.

Now I, the Eternal, reject them as impure—

“rejected silver” is what they will be called.

The Book of Jeremiah, Chapter 6 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, August 19 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about examining ourselves as we are refined like gold is refined:

The Apostle Paul said we were to both “test ourselves” with regard to the intellectual content of our faith and also to “prove ourselves” with regard to the veracity of our spiritual life: "Put yourselves to the test (ἑαυτοὺς πειράζετε) to see if you are in the faith; prove yourselves (ἑαυτοὺς δοκιμάζετε) to see whether Yeshua the Messiah lives within you - lest you fail the test and be disapproved (ἀδόκιμος)" (1 Cor. 13:5). Notice that the verb "to prove" (i.e., dokimadzo: δοκιμάζω) means to test something by fire (like a precious metal) to discover its quality and purity. The analogy here is straightforward. The quality of our faith will be revealed during times of testing and hard circumstance. Do we walk in love, joy, and peace - despite the testing of this life? If our faith regularly fails in the crucible of testing, we may need to reexamine its authenticity (Prov. 24:10).

A proven faith is one that evidences the Fruit of the Holy Spirit, though other characteristics include an abhorrence for personal sin and the desire to obtain God’s forgiveness; a hunger and thirst for God’s righteousness to be manifest; a sincere willingness to obey the LORD and keep His commandments, and a heartfelt love for God and others. These characteristics mark genuine teshuvah (“repentance”), that is, a turning away from inner darkness to the light of the Divine Presence. Teshuvah is a miracle that transforms the person so that the inner life is restructured and made into a new creation by means of God’s grace (2 Cor. 5:17). Spiritual rebirth implies a new heart with a new set of affections: “I am crucified with Messiah; it is no longer I who live, but Messiah who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal. 2:20).

The Jewish view of truth is inherently existential - how you live reveals what you believe, and vice-versa. The truth must be lived in order to be real. We are to be "doers" of the Word, and not hearers only, since faith without works is dead and leads to self-deception (lit., "reasoning around" the truth, i.e., παραλογίζομαι, from παρά, "around, beside" and λογίζομαι, "to reason"). Only those who follow through and live out their faith will be blessed in their actions (James 1:22, 25). This mirrors Yeshua's statement, "If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them" (John 13:17).

Reb Lev said, ‘A tzaddik is one who lives Torah, not one who preaches it. Your actions, not your words! You have to be Torah: your habits, your motions, even your silences - are what count...”

There remains the frightening possibility that the soul - even the soul that professes faith in the Messiah - may fail the test of genuine faith and be rejected (i.e., adokimos: ἀδόκιμος, "tested and found useless"). A person who merely professes love for God with his lips but whose heart is far from Him will eventually hear the verdict of truth, which ratifies the inner life of the soul: “Depart from Me, I never knew you...” This is the like-for-like principle of faith, the reciprocity of the inner life of the soul. Our faith in Messiah must be unalloyed - pure, without compromise in its composition and character. May God help each of us...

Should we live in fear of ourselves? After all, “the heart is deceptive above all things and desperately wicked” (Jer. 17:9), and it is woefully easy to fool ourselves regarding our sins (1 Cor. 8:2; Gal. 6:3; James 1:26). Well on the one hand we should indeed be afraid of our own sinful tendencies and abhor the sin in our lives, but on the other we must practice hope in God and trust in his healing and deliverance. Moreover, we can experience freedom from dread by receiving the joy that comes from the assurance that we are accepted in the Beloved. God has not given us a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear; and there is no fear in His love (Rom. 8:15; 2 Tim. 1:7; 1 John 4:18). Of course we all will fail the test apart from the grace and love of God, and no one can be approved by means of the unaided will. We all need a miracle from God to love Him in the truth and to pass the test -- but God is the One who performs miracles for us. The LORD is Adonai Nissi (יהוה נִסִּי), the God of my miracle...

There is a price to be paid for the miracle of God being manifest in our lives. The message of the cross means confessing the truth about who we are and how we have failed the test of faith. Yeshua does not appeal to the self-righteous ones to come for healing, but rather to the sin-sick and weary (Mark 2:17). The LORD wants us to be honest with ourselves, as it says: “"Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart" (Psalm 51:6).

The Tenth Commandment says, "do not covet" anything that belongs to your neighbor (Deut. 5:21), though the Hebrew does not simply say "do not desire" (i.e., לא תְאַוֶּה) but rather "do not bring yourself into a state of desire" (i.e., לא תִתְאַוֶּה), the verb in this case (אָוַה) being "hitpael" (reflexive), that is, expressing the relationship within yourself to the truth of God. As Soren Kierkegaard once said, the "self" expresses a relation with itself, and the "how" of that relation determines what sort of self we are... God does not command us like someone might train a dog; he instructs us to awaken to what we are doing, to take responsibility for our lives, and not to yield our hearts to envy, despair, and sorrow.

The unexamined life -- especially as a follower of Yeshua -- is not worth living, and the practice of suppressing the truth about our sinful condition can lead to self-deception and even death (1 Cor. 11:30). "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us; if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:7-8). “Therefore, confess (ἐξομολογέω, lit. 'confess out') your sins to one another and pray (εὔχομαι) for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person (tzaddik) works great power” (James 5:16). [Hebrew for Christians]

8.18.21 • Facebook

and another about returning the heart to Love:

Part of the meaning of teshuvah (i.e., “repentance”), at least for some of us, is learning to trust and believe in love.... If you were abandoned as a child, for instance, you were deprived of the security, nurture, and basic human connection you needed to partake in love. Instead of acquiring a sense of belonging and acceptance your soul desperately needed, you inherited a sense of shame that taught that you were inherently unlovable and unworthy. Consequently, as you grew up, you may have found it difficult to trust or ask others for help; you might have turned inward, relying only on yourself, protecting yourself from further pain. You may have became lonely, filled with sadness, anger, and fear. Ironically and tragically, as you protected yourself from abandonment you made your heart hard and numb, and that led to the abandonment of yourself....

There are providential miracles... Healing can come when we turn again to ourselves - unconditionally accepting ourselves despite the pain of our past - and open our hearts to be loved. It was when he "came to himself" that the prodigal made the decision to go back to his father (Luke 15:17). Therefore the Spirit of God calls out to the bereft: "Return to your heart and know" (Deut. 4:29). This is possible only if we are willing to turn to God for the grace we need to be made whole. It is by turning to God (i.e., teshuvah) that we find ourselves to be beloved and made whole. Believing in God's love for us enables us to truly love ourselves, and from that connection, we can move out to love others as well.

O friend of forsaken hope, savor the phrase, "Know therefore today and return to your heart..." It the heart that is the place of connection with God... As Yeshua said, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me" (Rev. 3:20). Today may you find courage to "return to your heart" and receive again God's love for your soul... Amen. [Hebrew for Christians]

followed by a post about making amends with others:

In our Torah reading for this week, parashat Ki Teitzei, we read: “Do not ignore the loss of your brother... you shall restore it to him” (Deut. 22:1-3). This indicates that we have a moral duty to return lost items to others, and on a spiritual level that includes restoring honor and dignity to those who have lost sight of their value in the eyes of God... For even greater reason we must make restitution to those whom we have harmed. Making amends is part of the teshuvah process, after all. We hurt ourselves when we hurt others, and we hurt others when we hurt ourselves. The way out of *that* circle is through making amends. As Yeshua taught: “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:22-23). “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person works great power” (James 5:16). Ultimately, confession of the truth is not optional for anyone.

Indeed, regarding the duty to restore what is lost to our brother mentioned above, the Torah adds, “and you are not to ignore it,” which literally reads, “you are unable to hide it” (לא תוּכַל לְהִתְעַלֵּם). Rabbi Abraham Twerski notes that the Torah is not giving us a command as much as stating a fact: You are unable to hide from a wrongful act. In other words, the problem with “getting away with it” is that you get away with it, that is, you take it with you. Such self-deception sears your conscience, makes you numb inside, and deadens the heart. Making amends to others is life-giving, helping you let go of what you’ve done wrong to restore inner peace. We must be vigilant not to let our hearts die because of either shame or rationalization. May the LORD help us walk in the Spirit of Truth. [Hebrew for Christians]

8.19.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

August 19, 2021

Jeremiah and Inspiration

“Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” (Jeremiah 20:9)

Contained within the books of the Old Testament are nearly three thousand claims to its precise trustworthiness. Over and over again, the various authors claim to be communicating the very words of God.

A number of such claims were recorded by Jeremiah in his book. As we see in our text, Jeremiah was somewhat discouraged with the lack of response to his ministry. But, just as he decided to refrain from passing on God’s Word to the people, he felt an inner burning, recognizing that these words were much too important to ignore. These words had come from God Himself!

On other occasions, he heard the words of God directly and was commanded to pass them on with precision. “Thus saith the LORD; Stand in the court of the LORD’s house, and speak unto all the cities of Judah, which come to worship in the LORD’s house, all the words that I command thee to speak unto them; diminish not [literally ‘to shave,’ or ‘to lessen in effect’] a word” (Jeremiah 26:2). This straightforward teaching of verbal inspiration is applied to the written accounts, as well: “The word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD, saying, Thus speaketh the LORD God of Israel, saying, Write thee all the words that I have spoken unto thee in a book” (Jeremiah 30:1-2).

This book, which throughout contains such strong condemnation of falsehood, and which was written over a period of more than two thousand years by numerous authors, yet without any contradiction between these writers, surely is the Word of the eternal, holy God. It is the information our Creator knows we need. JDM

A tweet by illumiNations about sacred work:

@IlluminationsBT: A clear, accurate, natural rendering of the New Testament takes about 7 years -- a full Bible, about 16 years.

8.19.21 • 12:00pm • Twitter

[pamphletstoinspire]

Children's Religious Stories - Part 40 - Other Old Testament Stories - Story of Jacob - Part 2 of 2

With Image:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/childrens-religious-stories-part-40-other-old-testament-baines-1/?published=t

The opportunity to teach children Bible stories can be one of the most rewarding opportunities you will ever have. Children are eager learners, and with a little preparation and planning, they, too, can learn the time-honored truths of scripture. The children can be personally involved in your teaching and will remember the concepts you teach. Do your research, plan some exciting activities and make a difference in a child's life.

Children do not have the same attention span as adults. If you have 30 minutes to read to the child, keep it moving.

When teaching Bible stories to children, it is important to break the stories down into ways that children can relate to and understand.

If the story has more than one part, read only one part at a time and ask the child questions regarding that part of the story. Save the other parts for another time.

***

Then the old man ate the food that Jacob had brought to him; and he kissed Jacob, believing him to be Esau; and he gave him the blessing, saying to him: “May God give you the dew of heaven, and the richness of the earth, and plenty of grain and wine. May nations bow down to you and peoples become your servants. May you be the master over your brother, and may your family and descendants that shall come from you rule over his family and his descendants. Blessed be those that bless you, and cursed be those that curse you.”

Just as soon as Jacob had received the blessing he rose up and hastened away. He had scarcely gone out, when Esau came in from hunting, with the dish of food that he had cooked.

And Esau said: “Let my father sit up and eat the food that I have brought, and give me the blessing.”

And Isaac said, “Why, who are you?” Esau answered, “I am your son; your oldest son, Esau.”

And Isaac trembled, and said, “Who then is the one that came in and brought to me food, and I have eaten his food and have blessed him; yes, and he shall be blessed.”

When Esau heard this, he knew that he had been cheated; and he cried aloud, with a bitter cry, “O, my father, my brother has taken away my blessing, just as he took away my birthright! But cannot you give me another blessing, too? Have you given everything to my brother?”

And Isaac told him all that he had said to Jacob, making him the ruler over his brother.

But Esau begged for another blessing; and Isaac said: “My son, your dwelling shall be of the riches of the earth and of the dew of heaven. You shall live by your sword and your descendants shall serve his descendants. But in time to come they shall break loose and shall shake off the yoke of your brother’s rule and shall be free.” All this came to pass many years afterward. The people who came from Esau lived in a land called Edom, on the south of the land of Israel, where Jacob’s descendants lived. And after a time the Israelites became rulers over the Edomites; and later still, the Edomites made themselves free from the Israelites. But all this took place hundreds of years afterward.

It was better that Jacob’s descendants, those who came after him, should have the blessing, than that Esau’s people should have it; for Jacob’s people worshipped God, and Esau’s people walked in the way of the idols and became wicked. After Esau found that he had lost his birthright and his blessing, he was very angry against his brother Jacob; and he said to himself, and told others: “My father Isaac is very old and cannot live long. As soon as he is dead, then I shall kill Jacob for having robbed me of my right.”

When Rebekah heard this, she said to Jacob, “Before it is too late, go away from home and get out of Esau’s sight. Perhaps when Esau sees you no longer, he will forget his anger, and then you can come home again. Go and visit my brother Laban, your uncle, in Haran, and stay with him for a little while.” We must remember that Rebekah came from the family of Nahor, Abraham’s younger brother, who lived in Haran, a long distance to the northeast of Canaan, and that Laban was Rebekah’s brother.

So Jacob went out of Beersheba, on the border of the desert, and walked alone, carrying his staff in his hand. One evening, just about sunset, he came to a place among the mountains, more than sixty miles distant from his home. And as he had no bed to lie down upon, he took a stone and rested his head upon it for a pillow, and lay down to sleep.

And on that night Jacob had a wonderful dream. In his dream he saw stairs leading from the earth where he lay up to heaven; and angels were going up and coming down upon the stairs. And above the stairs, he saw the Lord God standing. And God said to Jacob: “I am the Lord, the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac your father; and I will be your God, too. The land where you are lying all alone, shall belong to you and to your children after you; and your children shall spread abroad over the lands, east and west, and north and south, like the dust of the earth; and in your family all the world shall receive a blessing. And I am with you in your journey, and I will keep you where you are going, and will bring you back to this land. I will never leave you, and I will surely keep my promise to you.”

And in the morning Jacob awakened from his sleep, and he said: “Surely, the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it! I thought that I was all alone, but God has been with me. This place is the house of God; it is the gate of heaven!” And Jacob took the stone on which his head had rested, and he set it up as a pillar, and poured oil on it as an offering to God. And Jacob named that place Bethel, which in the language that Jacob spoke means “The House of God.” And Jacob made a promise to God at that time, and said: “If God really will go with me and will keep me in the way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and will bring me to my father’s house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God: and this stone shall be the house of God and of all that God gives me I will give back to God one-tenth as an offering.”

Then Jacob went onward in his long journey. He walked across the river Jordan in a shallow place, feeling his way with his staff; he climbed mountains and journeyed beside the great desert on the east, and at last came to the city of Haran. Beside the city was the well, where Abraham’s servant had met Jacob’s mother, Rebekah; and there, after Jacob had waited for a time, he saw a young woman coming with her sheep to give them water.

Then Jacob took off the flat stone that was over the mouth of the well, and drew water and give it to the sheep. And when he found that this young woman was his own cousin Rachel, the daughter of Laban, he was so glad that he wept for joy. And at that moment he began to love Rachel, and longed to have her for his wife. Rachel’s father, Laban, who was Jacob’s uncle, gave a welcome to Jacob, and took him into his home.

And Jacob asked Laban if he would give his daughter, Rachel, to him as his wife; and Jacob said, “If you give me Rachel, I will work for you seven years.” And Laban said, “It is better that you should have her, than that a stranger should marry her.”

So Jacob lived seven years in Laban’s house, caring for his sheep and oxen and camels; but his love for Rachel made the time seem short. At last the day came for the marriage; and they brought in the bride, who, after the manner of that land, was covered with a thick veil, so that her face could not be seen. And she was married to Jacob, and when Jacob lifted up her veil he found that he had married, not Rachel, but her older sister, Leah, who was not beautiful, and whom Jacob did not love at all.

Jacob was very angry that he had been deceived, - though that was just the way in which Jacob himself had deceived his father and cheated his brother Esau. But is uncle Laban said: “In our land we never allow the younger daughter to be married before the older daughter. Keep Leah for your wife, and work for me seven years longer, and you shall have Rachel also.”

For in those times, as we have seen, men often had two wives, or even more than two. So Jacob stayed seven years more, fourteen years in all, before he received Rachel as his wife.

While Jacob was living at Haran, eleven sons were born to him. But only one of these was the child of Rachel, whom Jacob loved. This son was Joseph, who was dearer to Jacob than any other of his children, partly because he was the youngest, and because he was the child of his beloved Rachel.

Question:

What did Jacob Dream about?

[bookofjin]

Biography of Jia Chong, Part 3

[From JS040. Sweet family life.]

At Wang Jun's [JS042] overcoming of Wuchang, Chong dispatched messengers to petition, saying:

Wu is not yet possible to completely settle. Soon is summer, down from the Jiang and the Huai is humid, illness and pestilence is surely to rise. We ought to summon the various armies, to accordingly make later designs. Even severing Zhang Hua [JS036] at the waist, is not sufficient to accordingly apologise to Under Heaven.

Hua had prepared the scheme for pacifying Wu, for that reason Chong considered him in his speech. The Overseer of the Palace Writers, Xun Xu memorialised, that they ought [to act] similarly to Chong's petition. The Emperor did not follow.

Du Yu [JS034] heard Chong had memorialised, and hurried a petition to firmly dispute it, talking of the pacification proceeding [?] from dawn to dusk. The messenger had reached Huanyuan, when Sun Hao surrendered. With Wu pacified, he resigned from the army.

The Emperor dispatched the Palace Attendants to journey together to feast the troops for their service. He bestowed on Chong 8 000 bolts of silk and added to his estate 8 000 households. He distributed fiefs to his maternal grandson Chang as Marquis of Xincheng village, Gai as Marquis of Anyang village. His younger brother the Marquis of Yangli village, Hun, and maternal grandson, the Marquis Within the Passes, Zhong, had added households to their estates.

Chong originally had not planned for the southern attack, and had firmly remonstrated not to be employed. When the host set out and Wu was pacified, he was great ashamed and afraid, and desired to request punishment. The Emperor heard Chong intended to come to the palace, and comforted and favoured [him] in the Eastern Hall to thereby treat him. He gave up the tally, battle-axe, companions and assistants, but continued to act with drums and pipes, pennants and carriage screen. Chong and the crowd of subjects sent up on the rites of announcing success, requesting to have the ministers to draw up their affairs. The Emperor humbly yielded and did not accept.

When he became gravely ill, he sent up his seal and ribbon to humbly yield his rank. The Emperor dispatched attendant subjects with instructions to ask about the illness, the Great Doctor Within the Halls delivered hot water and medicine, [the Emperor] bestowed bed, screen, money and silk, the August Heir-Apparent and imperial clan themselves personally visited and went to his residence.

In the 3rd Year of Taikang [282 AD], 4th Month, he passed away, at the time he was 66 years old. The Emperor grieved for him, and sent the Envoy Holding the Tally, the Grand Master of Ceremonies to offer a record [?] posthumously bestowing on him Grand Steward, adding to him the clothes of ceremonial dress and crown, green and olive ribbon, vehicle and sword [?]. He bestowed a private receptacle in the Eastern Park, one accoutrements of of court clothes and one set of clothing. A great swan-goose arranged and protected the mourning affairs [?]. He made use of tally and battle-axe, front and rear sections of the Feathered Preserve, drums nad pipes, red pennants, great road, bell road, hearse chariot and the great chariot of the Marshal Beneath the Tent [?], Agile as Tigers [guards] with hammers and axes, and ornamented clothes [?], armoured soldiers in light chariot.

For his burial rites they relied on the old affairs of Huo Guang and King Xian of Anping an he was given a burial field of 1 qing. He, Shi Bao [JS033] and others were matching in merit with the kings [?] at banquets in the temple courtyard. His posthumous title was Martial [wu]. Posthumously bestowed on Chong's son Limin to be the Young [shang] Duke of Lu.

Chong's wife was the Countess of Guangcheng, Guo Huai, she was by nature jealous and envious. Earlier, when Limin was 3 years old, his wet-nurse held him at the galley. Limin saw Chong entering, and laughed with joy. Chong came and patted him. Huai looked and saw it, and said Chong had secrets with the wet-nurse, and then whipped her to death. Limin yearned and remembered her, became ill and died.

Later she again gave birth to a boy, for too long a time [?], he repeatedly was held by the wet-nurse. Chong used [his own] hand to rub his [her?] head. Guo suspected the wet-nurse, and also killed her. The boy likewise pondered and longed, and then died.

Chong thereupon had no successor to inherit. When he passed away, Huai immediately used her maternal grandchild Han Mi as Limin's son, to serve as Chong's descendant. The Prefect of the Palace Gentlemen, Han Xian, and the Palace Commandant, Cao Zhen, remonstrated against Huai, saying:

In the rites, when the main lineage has no descendant, use a branch son of a lesser lineage to succeed him, not a a different family to have the ornamentation of a successor. Not making the former Duke's breast enrich Empress Earth [?], his virtue passed down in the chronicles and books, how can he not be bitter in his heart?

Huai did not follow. Xian and others sent up a document requesting to change the established successor, the affair was put aside with an announcement. Huai thereupon petitioned, arguing this was Chong's testamentary opinion. The Emperor therefore decreed, saying:

The Grand Steward, the Duke of Lu, Chong, with esteemed virtue established merit, diligently laboured to assist the instructions, turned against the generation to pass away and die[ I will] always grieve him in my heart. Also his progeny son had an early end, a generational successor was not set up.

When the ancients when there was no successor arranged in the state, took and began enfeoffing a branching commoner, using him to continue the command, and yet approaching eras changed and eliminated their states [?]. Arriving at Zhou's Duke Dan, Han's Xiao He, some comforted and established the inaugural son, some enfeoffed with feudal rank the inaugural consort, hiding the respectful and displaying mediocre deeds, and did not have a common precedent together.

The Grand Steward habitually adopted his maternal grandson Han Mi as his Heir Limin's descendant. I withdrew and cut him off [?], a maternal grandson's flesh and are close. To push forward kindness and plan on feelings, are combined in peoples' hearts.

Thus use Mi as the Duke of Lu's Grandson-Heir, to thereby inherit his state. Since nobody's merit are like the Grand Steward, to first be enfeoffed without descendants like the Grand Steward, to pick up surely thereby from setting out is not like the Grand Steward [?], nobody have managed to be like this.

When sending down for the rites officials to discuss Chong's posthumous title, the Broad Scholar Qin Xiu's opinion was to name him the Desolate [huang]. The Emperor did not accept. The Broad Scholar Duan Chang had hopes and aspirations, and established an opinion for the posthumous title to be Martial. The Emperor then followed it. From Chong passing away to his burial, bestowed and gave 20 000 000.

When Emperor Hui was enthroned, Empress Jia monopolized power. She added to Chong's temple to provide for music for six rows of dancers, her mother Guo to be Countess of Xuancheng. When Ms. Guo persihed, her posthumous title was Propagating [xuan], with special additions and unusual rites. At the time people ridiculed it, yet did not dare to speak of it.

Earlier, Chong first wife, Ms. Li, was charming, beautiful, and was rich in talent. She gave birth to two daughters, Bao and Yu. Bao was also named Quan. Yu was also named Jun. When her father Fang was executed, Ms. Li was incriminated and banished. [Chong] afterwards took as wife the daughter of the Grand Warden of Chengyang, Guo Pei, this was the Countess of Guangcheng.

When Emperor Wu walked the eastern steps, Li, due to the great amnesty, obtained her return. The Emperor specially decreed Chong to set up a Lady of the Left and Right. Chong's mother likewise counselled Chong to welcome Ms. Li. Guo Huai was angry, and pushed up the sleeves several times to Chong, saying:

In the publishing and settling the statutes and orders, [you] had merit in assisting the instructions, and I was part of it. Li, how can she be equal to me!

Chong then replied to the decree, relying accordingly on humble modesty, that he did not dare accept the abundant rites of a pair of Ladies, and that he truly revered Huai.

But Quan was the Consort to the King of Qi, You, and she desired to make Chong dispatched Guo and return her mother. At time Liu Han of Pei state's mother and the Emperor's maternal uncle, the Overseer of the Feathered Forest's Wang Qian's first wife were both granddaughters of Guanqiu Jian. As such the precedents were already many, and the rites officials on the matter together were not able to decide. Although they did not dispatch their later wives, many had different residences for private communications.

Chong himself used the stewards and chancellors as the conforming guidelines Within the Seas. He then had a house built for Li at Yongnian village, but did not come and go [there]. Quan and Jun always shouted and cried, requesting Chong [to visit], Chong in the end did not go.

It happened that Chong undertook to headquarter in Right of the Passes, and the dukes and ministers were accommodated in a tent for a farewell party before the journey. [Presumably the same party where Jia Chong conspired with Xun Xu how to avoid the appointment. Busy times.]. Quan and Jun feared Chong would thereupon leave, and therefore pushed open the tent to sit in the middle, knocking their heads to blood flowed, and turning to Chong and the crowd of companions pleading that their mother ought to return to his thoughts. The multitudes, since Quan was a King's Consort, all stood up alarmed and dispersed. Chong was considerably ashamed and astonished, and dispatched a Yellow Gates [eunuch] to lead palace people to help leave [?].

Then Guo Huai's daughter became Consort to the August Heir-Apparent, and the Emperor therefore sent down a decree to cut off from [?] Li equally all not to obtain return [?]. Later, Quan passed away in anger and resentment.

Earlier, Huai desired to scrutinize Ms. Li. Chong said:

She has talent and spirit, for Ma'am to go is not equal to not go. [?]

When her daughter became Consort, Huai therefore with abundant power and ceremony then went. As she entered the door, Ms. Li set out to welcome [her]. Huai unconsciously bent her legs and in this way thereupon bowed again and again. From this always when Chong set out to go, Huai immediately sent people to look for him, fearing he would pay visit to Li.

Earlier, Chong's mother Liu saw the ancient and presentheavily joined in righteousness [?], and in the end did not know of the affair of Chong and Cheng Ji. She considered Ji to have been disloyal and several times posthumously [?] blamed him. Those attending [her] who heard about it, could not but secretly snicker. When she was about to die, Chong was asking if she wished to speak. Liu said:

I advised you to welcome Li as a new wife, yet you did not consent. Why ask about other matters!

Thereupon she was silent.

Afterwards, when Chong had passed away, Li's two daughters then desired to it their mother's burial place, Empress Jia would not allow it. When the Empress was deposed, Ms. Li then obtained a combined burial [with her husband]. Ms. Li composed Teachings for Daughters which has travelled the ages.

[dfroza]

how many give thought

that we’re being called up to a heavenly wedding?

for there are many who comprise the Bride (the Queen) of the True King

and rebirth of the heart through the Son is the only way “Home”

and marriage on earth is a mirroring of this. and did you know that it is not permissible in Love for a man to be sexual with another man, or a woman with a woman, as defined by gender at birth? this is spiritual truth, although some may disagree.

and life truly begins at the genesis spark of conception as a tiny seed (to be...)

and we are meant to respond to the call of the heart to “believe...”

and this is the beautiful mystery of becoming a child of our Creator which is what Paul describes in Today’s reading of the 9th chapter of Romans:

[God Is Calling His People]

At the same time, you need to know that I carry with me at all times a huge sorrow. It’s an enormous pain deep within me, and I’m never free of it. I’m not exaggerating—Christ and the Holy Spirit are my witnesses. It’s the Israelites . . . If there were any way I could be cursed by the Messiah so they could be blessed by him, I’d do it in a minute. They’re my family. I grew up with them. They had everything going for them—family, glory, covenants, revelation, worship, promises, to say nothing of being the race that produced the Messiah, the Christ, who is God over everything, always. Oh, yes!

Don’t suppose for a moment, though, that God’s Word has malfunctioned in some way or other. The problem goes back a long way. From the outset, not all Israelites of the flesh were Israelites of the spirit. It wasn’t Abraham’s sperm that gave identity here, but God’s promise. Remember how it was put: “Your family will be defined by Isaac”? That means that Israelite identity was never racially determined by sexual transmission, but it was God-determined by promise. Remember that promise, “When I come back next year at this time, Sarah will have a son”?

And that’s not the only time. To Rebecca, also, a promise was made that took priority over genetics. When she became pregnant by our one-of-a-kind ancestor, Isaac, and her babies were still innocent in the womb—incapable of good or bad—she received a special assurance from God. What God did in this case made it perfectly plain that his purpose is not a hit-or-miss thing dependent on what we do or don’t do, but a sure thing determined by his decision, flowing steadily from his initiative. God told Rebecca, “The firstborn of your twins will take second place.” Later that was turned into a stark epigram: “I loved Jacob; I hated Esau.”

Is that grounds for complaining that God is unfair? Not so fast, please. God told Moses, “I’m in charge of mercy. I’m in charge of compassion.” Compassion doesn’t originate in our bleeding hearts or moral sweat, but in God’s mercy. The same point was made when God said to Pharaoh, “I picked you as a bit player in this drama of my salvation power.” All we’re saying is that God has the first word, initiating the action in which we play our part for good or ill.

Are you going to object, “So how can God blame us for anything since he’s in charge of everything? If the big decisions are already made, what say do we have in it?”

Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? Clay doesn’t talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, “Why did you shape me like this?” Isn’t it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn’t that all right? Either or both happens to Jews, but it also happens to the other people. Hosea put it well:

I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies;

I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved.

In the place where they yelled out, “You’re nobody!”

they’re calling you “God’s living children.”

Isaiah maintained this same emphasis:

If each grain of sand on the seashore were numbered

and the sum labeled “chosen of God,”

They’d be numbers still, not names;

salvation comes by personal selection.

God doesn’t count us; he calls us by name.

Arithmetic is not his focus.

Isaiah had looked ahead and spoken the truth:

If our powerful God

had not provided us a legacy of living children,

We would have ended up like ghost towns,

like Sodom and Gomorrah.

How can we sum this up? All those people who didn’t seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their “God projects” that they didn’t notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together:

Careful! I’ve put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion,

a stone you can’t get around.

But the stone is me! If you’re looking for me,

you’ll find me on the way, not in the way.

The Letter of Romans, Chapter 9 (The Message)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is chapter 30 of 1st Samuel where David and his people recovered all that was stolen from them:

[David’s Strength Was in His God]

Three days later, David and his men arrived back in Ziklag. Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They tore Ziklag to pieces and then burned it down. They captured all the women, young and old. They didn’t kill anyone, but drove them like a herd of cattle. By the time David and his men entered the village, it had been burned to the ground, and their wives, sons, and daughters all taken prisoner.

David and his men burst out in loud wails—wept and wept until they were exhausted with weeping. David’s two wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail widow of Nabal of Carmel, had been taken prisoner along with the rest. And suddenly David was in even worse trouble. There was talk among the men, bitter over the loss of their families, of stoning him.

David strengthened himself with trust in his God. He ordered Abiathar the priest, son of Ahimelech, “Bring me the Ephod so I can consult God.” Abiathar brought it to David.

Then David prayed to God, “Shall I go after these raiders? Can I catch them?”

The answer came, “Go after them! Yes, you’ll catch them! Yes, you’ll make the rescue!”

David went, he and the six hundred men with him. They arrived at the Brook Besor, where some of them dropped out. David and four hundred men kept up the pursuit, but two hundred of them were too fatigued to cross the Brook Besor, and stayed there.

Some who went on came across an Egyptian in a field and took him to David. They gave him bread and he ate. And he drank some water. They gave him a piece of fig cake and a couple of raisin muffins. Life began to revive in him. He hadn’t eaten or drunk a thing for three days and nights!

David said to him, “Who do you belong to? Where are you from?”

“I’m an Egyptian slave of an Amalekite,” he said. “My master walked off and left me when I got sick—that was three days ago. We had raided the Negev of the Kerethites, of Judah, and of Caleb. Ziklag we burned.”

David asked him, “Can you take us to the raiders?”

“Promise me by God,” he said, “that you won’t kill me or turn me over to my old master, and I’ll take you straight to the raiders.”

He led David to them. They were scattered all over the place, eating and drinking, gorging themselves on all the loot they had plundered from Philistia and Judah.

David pounced. He fought them from before sunrise until evening of the next day. None got away except for four hundred of the younger men who escaped by riding off on camels. David rescued everything the Amalekites had taken. And he rescued his two wives! Nothing and no one was missing—young or old, son or daughter, plunder or whatever. David recovered the whole lot. He herded the sheep and cattle before them, and they all shouted, “David’s plunder!”

Then David came to the two hundred who had been too tired to continue with him and had dropped out at the Brook Besor. They came out to welcome David and his band. As he came near he called out, “Success!”

But all the mean-spirited men who had marched with David, the rabble element, objected: “They didn’t help in the rescue, they don’t get any of the plunder we recovered. Each man can have his wife and children, but that’s it. Take them and go!”

“Families don’t do this sort of thing! Oh no, my brothers!” said David as he broke up the argument. “You can’t act this way with what God gave us! God kept us safe. He handed over the raiders who attacked us. Who would ever listen to this kind of talk? The share of the one who stays with the gear is the share of the one who fights—equal shares. Share and share alike!” From that day on, David made that the rule in Israel—and it still is.

On returning to Ziklag, David sent portions of the plunder to the elders of Judah, his neighbors, with a note saying, “A gift from the plunder of God’s enemies!” He sent them to the elders in Bethel, Ramoth Negev, Jattir, Aroer, Siphmoth, Eshtemoa, Racal, Jerahmeelite cities, Kenite cities, Hormah, Bor Ashan, Athach, and Hebron, along with a number of other places David and his men went to from time to time.

The Book of 1st Samuel, Chapter 30 (The Message)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for monday, October 19 of 2020 with a paired chapter from each Testament along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

A repost from October 19 of ‘19:

something i read for Saturday, October 19 that isn’t an easy task in this world, yet in Love we are instructed to do so:

A wise person demonstrates patience, for mercy means holding your tongue.

When you are insulted, be quick to forgive and forget it, for you are virtuous when you overlook an offense.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 19:11 (The Passion Translation)

we need to forgive and move on with life by letting go of the past so that it doesn’t continually haunt us.

10.19.19 • Facebook

Today’s message from the Institute for Creation Research:

October 19, 2020

Christ in You

“To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:27)

The New Covenant includes a mystery Paul had the privilege of revealing to the Gentiles (Colossians 1:24-29). The history and prophecies of the Old Covenant contained a few hints of God’s plan for the last days, but the focus was centered on the “fulness of time” when the Messiah would come (Galatians 4:4).

Paul seemed thrilled to “preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ” (Ephesians 3:8) and to have the responsibility of unveiling “the grace of God which is given me to you-ward” (Ephesians 3:2). More than the obligation, Paul felt a dread judgment if he failed (1 Corinthians 9:16). It follows that we should be clear in our own declaration of this mystery.

Simply put, the mystery is “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Obviously, that is the result of salvation. The new message is the completed work and resurrection of the Lord Jesus. The promises of the prophets and the long history of Israel tend to obscure the eternal plan of God (Ephesians 3:11)—thus the detailed effort of the New Testament writers to amplify the “whosoever will” aspect of the gospel message.

“Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you: Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow. Unto whom it was revealed, that not unto themselves, but unto us they did minister the things, which are now reported unto you by them that have preached the gospel unto you with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven” (1 Peter 1:10-12).

Now it is possible for the whole world to have a personal and eternal relationship with Jesus Christ. HMM III