#he got maybe five minutes of happiness before being thrown back into the same cycle

[purecommemasolitude]

head in my hands you guys ever think about richie lipschitz

[animebaby00]

I Don't Deserve It: Chapter 2

Summary: When Shoto gets a nasty stomach bug, Izuku stops at nothing to help and take care of him.

But Shoto can't help but wonder...

Why?

(Link to Chapter 1) ⬇️

Shoto wasn't sure if he was actually awake the next time he opened his eyes considering that when he did so, it was oddly dark in the place he currently resided. He had to blink a few times and weakly rub at his eyes to help his vision become accustomed to his surroundings. But even after doing so, he still wasn't sure where he was.

Upon casting his eyes to the right, he could see the thin outline of sunlight coming from between a pair of closed curtains. He felt a soft weight on his legs and torso from what he could assume were sheets and maybe a few blankets. But everything else looked a blur.

In his best attempt, he tried to focus on the events from earlier. He had woken up, feeling absolutely terrible, and that in itself hadn't changed. Shoto could still feel the underlying pressure of a headache pounding in his temples, his skin still felt sticky with sweat, his body felt like it had been trampled by a stampede of elephants, and his stomach was tight and queasy. 

And it was then the moments in the bathroom slowly began to enter back into his mind. 

He remembered collapsing against the sink, how nauseated he had felt, and how his body simply wouldn't listen to him as it completely gave into the last thing he had wanted to do. He had collapsed by the toilet, waited those few last agonizingly anticipated seconds before everything he had eaten the day before came back up in a half-digested mess. 

Shoto couldn't exactly remember the last time he had thrown up. The last memory he had was when his father had punched him in the stomach due to weakness. Though the feeling had felt somewhat the same, it also carried many differences.

The the quick puddle of bile that had left his body in comparison to the painful dry heaves, the chills in comparison to the tears, the fearful, small frame of his mother buy his side as his father barked orders for him to get up in comparison to...the warm hand he had felt on his back while another hand kept his hair away from his face.

The person that had actually...helped him.

Midoriya.

A sound that was an odd combination of a groan and a scoff left Shoto's throat. How could he let himself get to this point? Sure, Midoriya had helped him in the past, but that had been during situations that were near the serious point of life and death. Not a stupid little stomachache.

That at least he would admit, as Shoto didn't know many people who threw up from a fever. But even so, this was not something he needed help with. He'd been enough of a burden in the past and he'd rather lose a finger than be one again.

He gathered up as much strength as he could and hoisted his body to sit up from what he could assume was a bed due to the soft, plush feeling under his legs and torso. However, just like that morning, his body disagreed with his movement as a sharp pinch of dizzying pain shot through his head while at the same time, an unsettling wave of nausea bubbled over in his stomach. The combo of both made him grimace rather loudly, and with his perfect luck, a person emerged from a door located across the room right after his sound of discomfort.

"Oh, Todoroki !" A voice said, their tone sounding highly relieved. And it was then that Shoto identified the person as-

"M-Midoriya…?" He rasped. Good god this throat was dry. It sounded like it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, but thankfully, Midoriya didn't fret over it.

"I'm happy you're awake." he said, thumb flipping a light switch on the wall as he walked over to his desk. He had something in his hand that he placed down on the wooden surface, something that Shoto couldn't recognize before he turned his head, a soft smile on his face, "I was really worried about you earlier. How are you feeling?"

Shoto disregarded the question, and resulted in asking one of his own.

"How did I get here?"

Shoto noticed his friends' slight flinch, "Oh ! Yeah, I imagine you were probably a little confused. Sorry about that." he sheepishly scratched the side of his face and turned back around. Shoto furrowed his eyebrows from the sudden dripping sound of a liquid as Midoriya continued talking.

"After you threw up in the bathroom, you passed out and I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I decided to wait for a few minutes, hoping that you would wake up, and I got scared when you didn't. Luckily, Kirishima and Tokoyami came into the bathroom shortly after. I told them what happened and then they helped me clean you up and take you back to my room to rest."

Shoto's eyes widened.

His classmates...saw him ? In such a weak state? No...how could he have let this happen? How could he be so...so..."

"I-I have to go…" Shoto uttered quickly, maneuvering his body to stand up despite the twisted feeling in his stomach "N-now."

"Oh, to the bathroom ?" Midoriya inquired, turning around hastily with a worried look on his face, a wet rag in his hand, " Do you feel sick again ? Here, let me help-"

"No !" Shoto exclaimed. He inhaled a panicked breath in through his nose, head throbbing so badly he thought it would burst, " I- I need to leave. We have class and training and-"

"Hey, don't worry." Midoriya moved closer, hands raised up in a calming manner with the wet rag still dangling in the crease between his thumb and index finger " I already asked Kirishima and Tokoyami to excuse us for today. They'll get us the assignments we missed and we can make them up later. Everything is fine."

Shoto's pupils dilated to the size of the tip of a toothpick. No. No. Everything was not fine.

"I-I can't Midoriya...I can't...I have...to-"

He tried to stand, but just like earlier, his body acted completely against him and he stumbled forward.

"T-todoroki !"

Midoriya acted upon instinct and lunged forward, rag falling from his hands and caught Shoto's limp body in his arms, easing themselves down to the ground.

"W-what are you doing ?! You have to take it easy !" He exclaimed, leveling Shoto so that his back was laid up against his bed. The sick male was breathing heavily, skin prickling once again with sweat and an uncomfortable heat. Midoriya laid his hand on his forehead again, a heavy frown on his lips.

"Your fevers up again...come on." He urged softly, "You need to get back in bed."

Shoto moaned through his lips with full intent to battle against the demands he didn't want to succumb to. But even thinking about getting up again caused his eyes to shut tight due to the excruciating, throbbing pain in his head, crossed over with another, familiar…sickening feeling. God, please not again.

He tried to quell it, deep inhales and exhales through and out the nose. But he knew deep down it wasn't going to work. It was coming too quick.

"M-Midoriya…" he whispered, teeth gritted.

His answer was quick, "Yes ? W-what is it?"

"I...I need the…" he swallowed thickly, "the...mmph!"

Shoto pitched forward, hand over his mouth, and Midoriya's eyes widened.

He knew exactly what was about to happen, and if he didn't hurry…

Green irises darted around his room until they landed on the small waste bin sitting in the corner. He moved so quickly in haste to grab it, one would have thought he was using the speed of One For All, but it was simply just to ensure he could aid his sick friend...and so he wouldn't be scrubbing out his carpet for an hour.

And he was just in time too, because almost as soon as he placed the bin under Shoto's chin, a wave of vomit spewed from his mouth in a violent gag and splattered into the bin.

Shoto duo colored hair fell into his face the moment he buried his head into the hollowed plastic, his only care at the moment being to pitifully give into his body's demands and rid himself of the toxins that had taken him over.

He had been sure that his bout of vomiting from earlier was the end of it, thinking it almost impossible that his system had anything else to rid itself of, but he was sadly mistaken. Bile and chunks ran passed his lips in an endless cycle, on replay, in a painful manner that tipped his mind in thinking it wasn't going to end.

However, just like before, that tiniest bit of comfort came forward in the gentlest of actions that though Shoto deeply appreciated, wished didn't have to occur. Midoriya's hand on his back, rubbing circles into his shoulder blades, whispering hushed and soft words of comfort into his ear while his other hand combed his hair away from his sweaty face.

This felt worse than earlier. He had had more in him the first time, leaving less room for empty gags and dry heaves, but this time, he was taken over with dry coughs and mouthfuls of stomach acid as his chest heaved with painful gasps from the relentless pulses of his stomach. No doubt the dry heaves were the worst, each one making him feel like his stomach and intestines were in his throat, close to coming out through his esophagus in a vile heap.

Thankfully, things started to slow down after about five minutes, and Shoto was finally able to pull his head up from the bin without fear of his stomach acting against him. A soft voice flowed through his ringing ears immediately after.

"Do you think you're done ?"

Shoto caught the slightly worried look on Midoriya's face out of the corner of his eye.

"Y-yeah…" he mumbled lowly, "...F-for now…"

Midoriya nodded, setting the waste bin aside, "Okay...here, let's get you up and back into bed."

He extended his arm with intent to assist his sick friend, but was shocked when his arm was pushed away.

"S-stop. I c-can get up by myself."

Midoriya opened his mouth to speak, but he hesitated, and watched with saddened eyes as Shoto gave a very weak attempt to heave himself up. His movements were deathly slow, cautious, as if any extra motion would trigger another episode. He exhaled a small, shaky breath and rested his forehead on the edge of Midoriya's bed, eyes half lidded in utter exhaustion.

Then, using his forearms he tried to pull himself to his feet, but his muscles ached and burned when he moved. He couldn't even get onto his knees.

Midoriya couldn't take it anymore as he scooted forward and put a hand on his friends' back.

"Hey, come on...that's enough. At least let me help you up. Take my hand."

Shoto shook his head as he once again declined "No. I-I'm fi-"

"But you're not, damn it!"

He turned his head, vision wavering as he set his eyes on Midoriya's face. Though he had sounded mad, his expression wasn't angry. It was more a cross between concerned, confused...and hurt.

His lips were pressed together thinly, eyebrows were furrowed, and his green irises were glazed over with additional emotions of something close to fear and bewilderment. His lips loosened themselves in preparement to speak, his next words sharp in tone, almost demanding.

"You're not fine. And I'm not going to sit here while you say otherwise, Todoroki. You're clearly not well and I'm not sure what it's going to take for you to see that. But I know I can. You're sick, and denying it and me won't do anything ! So please…" he grabbed Shoto's wrist, green gaze piercing into his.

"Let me help you."

Shoto blinked slowly, his foggy mind doing the best it could to process each word and syllable Midoriya said. Something became activated within him, a feeling of some sort, one he's never felt before.

The feeling that someone actually cared about him and his well-being. There was a person who wanted to set aside their time, when they could be doing a plethora of other things instead, to help him.

It put a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest, and he wasn't sure if he liked it...or hated it.

Clearly, he wasn't going to get anywhere, as he knew Midoriya to be very persistent. So with a sigh of defeat, he closed his eyes and let his tired body go slack, allowing the freckled boy to move closer to his side.

He felt an arm envelope itself around his upper back, while his own arm was positioned to drape around Midoriya's shoulders for added support.

"On three okay ?" Midoriya confirmed, taking the answer of Shoto nodding against his collar bone, "One, Two, Three…"

With a gentle heave, Midoriya was able to get Shoto on his feet, though his knees were bent and his legs were trembling underneath him like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. His balance and strength were gone, his energy was totally diminished. By the time Shoto was leveled on the bed and his head was resting on the pillow, his consciousness had faded into an oblivion just like before.

Midoriya grabbed the blankets that had been pushed to the end of the bed from Shoto's movements and proceeded to cover up the sick boy to hopefully rid him of his body's shudders and occasional shivers. And while doing so, he was really able to see fully just how sick Shoto was.

Even in the dim room, Midoriya could make out his pale face, it's usual warmer tone gone save for the flushed red splotches on his cheeks and across his nose. His skin was shiny with a new layer of sweat, likely caused by his radiating fever.

His fever.

Oh ! The rag !

Midoriya turned around and grabbed the rag from off the floor that he had dropped earlier from when Shoto had nearly collapsed. He walked over to his desk and submerged it once again into the cool water, squeezed off the excess, and folded it to fit on Shoto's forehead. Once at his side, Midoriya carefully swept his red and white bangs aside and set the fabric against the male's heated skin.

He let his hand linger, moving to feel Shoto's scalding cheek with his knuckles. He was burning up.

The shock of cold to hot must have triggered something in Shoto's troubled rest, for his eyebrows furrowed in clear discomfort. He mumbled something incoherently and subconsciously pressed his face into Midoriya's hand, desperate for comfort in his fevered state.

Midoriya frowned. Seeing Shoto like this...made him feel absolutely terrible.

This wasn't the Shoto he knew, even despite his illness.

He had helped him before, during the incident with Stain, during some drill in class, even with simple stuff like homework

So...why was this any different? Why did he seem so hesitant and so...ashamed?

He had a lot of questions, but they would have to wait. He didn't want to impose so much on Shoto right now, especially in his state. That was the last thing he needed.

Midoriya looked at the spoiled waste bin next to his bed.

He had other things to do.

His arm extended to grab the bag lined rim of the plastic container, and once it was in his possession, he proceeded to his bathroom to clean it out, leaving his sick friend to get some additional much needed rest.

[fbfh]

vegas lights - piper x mpdg!bff!reader

2.3k words

wlw, friends to lovers

piper x manic pixie dream girl! best friend! reader

inspired by this concept playlist from this post (i think it’s the fourth one on the post)

You and piper met at one of those fancy boarding schools

You’ve been told you have trouble respecting authority, can’t follow instructions, and have little regard to your attitude

So more specifically, you met in detention

You had shown up to school with blue and orange hair

As you expected, that didn’t go over well

Piper hadn’t done her homework again

The teacher had left to make some copies of papers, and you were sitting one seat back and to the right of piper

“Hey, since people always talk about going back in time and making one small change that affects everything, do you think the most minute decisions we make have the capacity to change everything now?”

She turned her head and saw you leaning across your desk

Your eyebrows matched your hair, your blazer was too big and the sleeves were cuffed, and pen ink was scribbled on your arms and hands

You had a wild energy, like a strong breeze that smelled like summer you find some other time of year

“Uh…” 

She wasn’t really sure what you meant, and was still a little thrown by you

“Or like, is it the kind of thing where nothing we do matters and we’re gonna end up where we end up, so that takes off the pressure of moralizing your decisions and you end up making ‘better’ choices?”

Was this real?

The late afternoon sun cast an unsettling blue green light throughout the building, and made Piper feel even more like she was dreaming

“Maybe neither,” she mused, grabbing the first thing that came to mind

A new smile crept at your eyes, and she could almost see your perspective shift

“Yeah, like… the presence of someone who wasn’t there before was the thing to set everything off. Maybe it’s not your decisions as much as being there…” you trailed off lost in thought, “huh.” 

You pushed yourself up, and sat on the edge of your desk

“So what are you in for?”

Piper hadn’t realized she was staring until your eyes locked with hers

“D- uh, didn’t do my homework,” she sputtered

You sighed, and rolled your eyes

“God, they’re only gonna realize humans aren’t designed for constant work when we’re all dead.” 

You turn back to her

“You seem intelligent. Being smart doesn’t mean anything, intelligence is what actually matters.” 

Wow

How do you respond to that?

“... I’m Piper,” 

“Piper…” you repeated slowly

“I like that.”

Silence 

“What’s your name?”

“What do I seem like?” 

She looked confused

“What do I strike you as?”

She thought for a minute, then blurted out the first thing she thought of

“Vegas.” 

You smiled

“I love that… we’re gonna go to Vegas some time. It’ll be an adventure.”

“If I had to guess for you…” you trailed off, examining every detail of her in a way that didn’t make her self conscious

“I’d say diamond. I really like Piper too, though.” 

Her stomach fell

There it is, nothing more than a pretty face once again

“Oh, cause I’m-”

“Strong.”

Her eyes snapped up to yours

“You don’t seem like anyone can break you.”

She liked that a lot better

You asked her something about lunch tomorrow, she didn’t remember quite what, and that was the beginning of the two of you

You spent every minute you could together, which often resulted in coordinating your stunts with hers to end up in detention together

After a while the bmw story came up

You believed her without hesitation

“God, guys can be the fucking worst sometimes. I bet that piece of wet toast gave you the car to get on your good side then pulled a Nice Guy as soon as he realized it wasn’t happening.” 

Not totally accurate, but she appreciated your enthusiasm so she agreed wholeheartedly

For some reason it felt really nice to hear you say boys suck

As the semester went on, she started to get worried

You had started talking to a guy, and she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach

She found herself having to try harder and harder to fake happy for you

She was almost surprised at how relieved she was a week later when you plop down at your usual lunch spot and denounce cynically

“Y’know that guy I was talking to? Turns out he’s not actually into philosophy, he’s a fake academic with a superiority complex.”

A weight flew off her chest

“You’re way better off without him,” 

“I know! He thinks watching rick and morty is a personality trait,” 

“Oh god…” she laughed

She had to fight a smile for most of lunch

To her despair, the cycle repeated again, less than a week later

Then again and again, you were seeing a new boy every week for a little over a month

As it progressed, she began to notice feeling worse, then better with every guy you picked up and dumped

She started to worry she was being a bad friend, possessive and jealous

You could tell something was off, and had mentioned here and there if she needs to talk to you she can

Every act of closeness from you made her feel worse and better at the same time

You had asked her to help you re dye your hair, this time a bright lime green, and she had no idea how she’d made it through the long night of just the two of you without saying something really stupid

It was almost graduation by now and she felt like she was going to break in half

“That’s it, I’m done with men. Never touching another one. Ever.”

She looked up at you shocked

“You can hold me to that.” you finish, a laugh frosting the seriousness of your statement

A flood gate opened somewhere deep inside her

Before she could stop it, the thought crept up on her from the back of her mind

‘Least now I have a chance with her,’

The organicness shocked her so much she almost choked on her food

“You okay Di?” you asked

Her pulse was racing and she felt panic and adrenaline coursing through her in a way she’d never experienced

“Yeah, I just have go to the bathroom,” she said, standing up quickly and avoiding your eyes

“I’ll come with,” 

“No! It’s fine. I’ll be right back, stay here.” 

You agreed

She rushed into the bathroom to google “does having a crush on a girl mean i’m gay” 

She tried rephrasing the question a hundred times, glad she remembered to turn on private browsing before she started

She tries to calm her breathing as she gets the same answer five times in a row

“If you keep asking if you’re gay, you probably are”

One article on realizing you have a crush on your girl best friend was actually slightly helpful

It was validating, gave advice on how to act normal, and emphasized there’s time to sort out these feelings and what they might mean later

She read it three times before the bell rang

Shit

She had half her classes with you, what was she gonna do now?

She came out of the bathroom and there you were, waiting for her

“Hey, you okay?”

“Ye- uh… yeah, I’m… sick I think. That’s why I left suddenly, and couldn’t… finish lunch,” she was a terrible liar to you, and just hoped that whatever forces had gotten her in trouble so many times could convince you this was all cause of a stomach bug

“Oh, that sucks. I have an extra bag of chips if you get hungry later, and if you wanna sleep after class instead of hang out I totally get it.” 

Her heart was palpitating

At least you seemed to believe it

“Yeah,  I probably should… and I probably shouldn’t get too close to you- like, I should stay away from you. Cause I don’t want you to get sick too.” she knew she was rambling and had no idea how to fix it.

“Okay, text me later. I’m here to talk if you wanna.” you smiled, and squeezed her shoulder, her heart squeezing at the same time

She left in a hurry to get to her next class, for once grateful you weren’t in it

Over the next week or so, the idea of having a huge uncontrollable crush on you started to be less scary

She just didn’t want to lose you

She knew everything about you

Your favorite color, violet

Your favorite singer, someone named king princess

Your favorite food, broccoli

Even your favorite lip balm flavor, cherry

She had to set all these feelings aside and be there for you as a friend, because that’s what you needed her to be

Just for another week, then you’d part ways for the summer and she could get over this before next year

She couldn’t stop the way her heart skipped a beat when you rested your head on her shoulder

Or when you were studying last night

You couldn’t figure out a problem, and put your head in her lap declaring,

“That’s it. We’re moving to a countryside cottage and becoming an old married farming couple.”

She didn’t breathe right for a second

She somehow managed to choke out

“God, please. That can be our plan b if we fail.”

Which, unfortunately, you didn’t 

You both passed, and unhappily went your separate ways for the summer

She tried to keep plans to meet up abstract, savoring that last hug on friday more than she should have

This plan will work, she’ll avoid you all summer, and come back next semester and be totally normal

It will all be fine

Or it would have if you hadn’t pressed a kiss on her cheek before she got pulled into a rented car, speeding off for the airport

Every minute between that second and seeing her dad at the airport was filled with thoughts of you

Five days had passed, and she couldn’t sleep

She had tried to keep texting you to a minimum, which only worked because of how much she was overthinking everything

Friends can kiss sometimes, right?

And yeah, you looked at her with those big sparkly eyes, but you’ve looked at her like that since she first met you

She was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and couldn’t get your stupid amazing smile out of her head

She was… overwhelmed

Her phone buzzed

Of course, it was you

She threw her phone on her bed without reading it

Her whole body was buzzy, her feelings had never been this strong

It was too much

She actually felt like she was going to explode in 10 seconds

She could feel a stupid impulse of some kind or another creeping up

A gentle tapping on her window snapped her out of it

‘It’s her’

No it’s not, she chastised herself, you’re practically on the other side of the country

She looked over at her window

It was you

It was you

Oh god

She scrambled out of bed, and threw the window open

You had already popped the screen off, propping it next to her window

“Hi,” you said,

“H-” she had no words

Time and time again you left her speechless

“Y-... your hair’s pink,” she choked out

You laughed and smiled that crooked little smile of yours, and she could feel her heart clench

“Yeah, d’you like it?”

“Yeah,” she said without a second thought

Something she’d read online came back to her in a rush

‘If you like your crush after they change their hair, you know it’s real’

Shit

You placed your hand on top of hers

“So… do you wanna go on an adventure?”

“Yes.” she answered, never wanting anything more

You laugh and lean forward, closer to her

You brush a strand of hair out of her face and watch as her eyes flutter closed

A surge of nerves pulse through you simultaneously, your hand still on her face

“Piper,” you whisper, sounding closer than before

“Hm?”

“... do you want to kiss?”

Relief floods her like nothing she’s ever experienced before

She nods twice, vigorously

Your lips connect in a moment of pure euphoria

You’re soft

You taste like cherry, and that gum you’re always chewing, grapefruit and pear and a little cayenne

Her lips are warm and soft and so inviting

When you finally pull away, you’re both breathless, already wanting more

Her mind is reeling

What if this is just a fling or something, what if this isn’t like, romantic kissing and it’s the kind of kissing best friends probably do sometimes?

Best friends can kiss sometimes, right???

She has to do it now, there’s no way she could possibly come back from this

She has to tell you how she feels

But how can she say it?

She can’t just blurt it out

It has to be perfect

But she also has to be able to take it back in case you say no

“Piper,” you start again

“Yeah?” she breathes

Once again you take the words right out of her, spinning them into something beautiful and easy to understand

“Do you want to be girlfriends? Like, date each other?”

She’s frozen for a second

This has to be a dream

It feels fake

She’s been dying to hear you say those exact words for months

And how much more in character could it have been than after asking her to go on an adventure

She looks into your eyes, searching for a hint of a lie

She finds nothing

And for a moment, for the first time, she sees your composure begin to crack

You look… scared

She realizes she hasn’t answered yet

“Yes!” she blurts, pulling you in to kiss you again and again

“Yes, yes, yes…” she mutters between kisses

Your giggles hit her ears, sounding different than ever before

After what feels like forever and not nearly long enough, you finally part again

“So…” you play with her hair, braiding a loose strand

“How ‘bout that adventure?”

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Hi! I'm craving some angst, so for the song blurb i was thinking 11 minutes by YUNGBLUD and Halsey with Ashton

Thanks for the suggestion and your patience!

_____________

Not Like This 

She knows it’s coming. The end is always a little known. She knows it in her gut. Ashton doesn’t touch like her before. They don’t talk like before. She doesn’t go to him about everything new or even bad in her life. When she switched jobs, she didn’t even tell him at first. And he noticed she was getting home later. That’s the only reason he started to wonder if something was happening if she was seeing someone else. When he asked, she told him about the job change. She had a suspicion that Ashton didn’t believe her until she came home with some work, which she had never done before. Then some mail came about her insurance through the job, that seemed to put Ashton at ease. But she almost wanted him to continue to be suspicious, at least then he was paying attention. 

Not like now, across the dinner table from her. He’s more invested in his plate of chicken and rice than her. Not even her story on how her heels broke at work and combing the office for superglue to keep the heel intact for the rest of the day. She stopped her story before talking about the heel rebreaking right as she was climbing into the car to come home. He wasn’t listening and she wasn’t going to baby him or let him get a pass by her nonsense story. The silence stretches on, forks scraping against ceramic plates. 

He gives a hum, randomly amongst the silence. She drops her fork to the plate and stares at Ashton. She can’t lie to herself anymore. The highs were good, it felt like being at the top of the rollercoaster, where nothing matters because all you can see is the sky, and what could possibly be more important than just watching the horizon expand in front of you with everything fading into the background. The lows, those came like the drop of the rollercoaster, gut falling into your ass and hurtling to the ground. There was no stopping their lows. They came without fail right as the highs reached their apex. When the touches got a little too comfortable, when they agreed a little too often on things, the disagreements were right around the corner. 

“I haven’t said a damn word for five minutes, Ashton. So tell me what the hell are you humming at?”

He brings his gaze up, brows pulled together in confusion. The TV is on low in the living room. He can hear the laughter track. But other than that there is silence that hits his eardrum. She blinks at him. Her lips have almost disappeared in anger, pursed and rolled tightly together. Ashton doesn’t say anything. 

“I asked you a question. What are you humming at?”

“Y-you.”

A dry laugh escapes her throat. It’s only one bark of laughter too. It stings against his ears. She wants to turn over her plate. She wants to throw the godforsaken chicken at his face if she’s honest. But she settles for staring at the plate. She wonders if she stares long enough at the brown rice if it will absorb her anger, if it’ll make her a happy housewife that smiles in her husband’s face. 

Ashton watches her, the way she seethes in her seat. He’s fucked up. He knew it a long time ago. But he figured if they kept going they’d get over this hump, they’d find a good run again. “Baby?” he cautions. Maybe he can fix this. 

“Do not call me baby. Do not call me honey. Do not fucking call me anything outside my name right now,” she snaps, shoving the plate to the ground. It crashes, pieces splattering around the ground. Her chicken sits in a red sea of the salsa it cooked in for seven hours in the crockpot she bought Ashton when he said he wanted to cook for them more but with the long hours at the studio he wasn’t sure how to balance it. She bought it so when he got up after her, he could cook whatever and just text her when she needed to turn it off. The brown rice mixes in with the white shards of plate, like ants frozen in time. 

She stands, hands pressed into the wooden table, her head falling on her neck. “It’s over. I can’t keep doing this.”

“What-what are you talking about?” He can feel the tears in his eyes. They can get past this. This is just a rough patch. All couples have them. 

“Answer my question. What did you hum for?”

“I-I thought you were talking.”

“Tell me what I was talking about.” She waits. The clock in the living room ticks. And ticks. And it ticks. Ashton looks around her, looks out the window to the street, looks to the cracked plate and food on the floor. 

She was talking about work. He thinks. “Wo-work?”

“If you were listening, why don’t you know?”

“Baby, I’m sorry. I was thinking about this song–”

With a hand-thrown up, she silences him. He can shove any and all excuses up his own ass. “When’s the last time you fucking listened to me? When’s the last time you really talked to me? When’s the last time we sat through dinner laughing our asses off? When’s the last time you touched me, hmm? When’s the last time we cuddled? I am sick of the excuses. I’m sick of work always being on your mind. I am sick of taking a backseat. I am sick of us fighting and fucking and fighting again.”

“It’s just a rough patch, sweetheart. We’ve always had those.”

God, she hates how he calls her sweetheart in that cracked voice. He’s always used it when he wanted her to calm down. He always used it because he knew how she had always cracked at the sound of it. She’s not going to crack this time. She’s not going to give into him. “I told you to call me by my name.”

Ashton finally stands, reaching out to cup her cheek. He’s gotten used to this. Gotten used to her being there. He doesn’t want to give that up. “I’m listening. Right now. I’m sorry. Let me fix this.”

“Let you fix this for us to be right back in the same place. You don’t want a relationship. You want some you can fuck and be there when you want them to be. News flash, Ashton, you’re not the only person with expectations. The world has not and will not ever grovel at your feet. No band in the world is going to give that. No status, no amount of money is going to bring you people worth keeping in your life.”

She hasn’t pulled away from his touch. He’s still got some part of her that wants to stay. Some part of her that’s hooked to this toxic cycle too. “I know I’ve been distance. I’m sorry. Stay. With me. We can get through this.”

Her eyes are floating with tears and she pushes his hands away from her cheeks. “I don’t miss you anymore.”

That’s a low blow, that hurts him. “You-you don’t miss anymore.”

“No. We don’t talk anymore. When I got to work, I’m relieved because I’m not cooped up in this house with you. With a man that only wants me for my body and doesn’t even want me for that anymore. I almost didn’t show you the proof of insurance from my new job just so you’d think I was cheating. Because only then, did you pay attention to me.”

Ashton falls into the chair. It’s a losing game. She steps away from the table. He watches out the window. And he can hear the clattering of her in the bathroom. The floor creaks just a little with her steps and she’s traveling between the same two rooms–the bedroom and the bathroom. He knows the creaks of his house like the back of his hand. 

They were designed to fall. They were never going to make it. She wanted a normal life for the most part. She wanted to just lay low. Ashton was riding the high of his band. He was trying to regain his youth. He thinks about her questions. They hadn’t sat and just talked about the day in a long time. He wasn’t even listening to her story. She mentioned work and he just went along with it, nodding at what he thought were all the right parts. 

It’s the distinct whir of wheels that catches Ashton’s attention again. There’s just a suitcase. But her purse and a backpack are on her back. Her family’s on the other side of the country. She didn’t renew her lease to live with him. It’s real. She’s really leaving him. “Hey, no, just give a minute okay? Let me think through this!”

She snaps her head around, watching the nostrils of his nose flare. “Now you’re angry. Now you want to fight me. Then do it. Fight me,” she bellows pushing her chest into Ashton’s. They are both seething in the other’s face. “Fight. Me. You’re so big and bad now.”

“You can’t just leave me. Not like this. What am I supposed to do without you?”

“Whatever it was you were doing before me.” She snatches the handle of the suitcase and heads out the door. The wheels bump and scrap over the asphalt of Ashton’s driveway. She’d go to Sierra. But she’s practically tied to Luke and if Luke knows, he’s not going to be strong enough to keep Ashton away. She can’t escape to Michael’s or Calum’s. She figures she might be able to get in reach with Calum’s ex. The two of them remained friends and while it’s no secret of their friendship, they do make a point not to talk about the guys. 

The phone rings and it almost drowns out Ashton’s shouting from the window of the car. She can just catch him in her peripheral as he tugs at the locked handle of the door. She can catch him begging for them to talk, begging her to give him one more shot to get things right. 

“You can’t just leave like this!” Ashton shouts as she begins to pull out of the driveway. He walks down besides the car. “One more shot!”

She doesn’t slow. She peels into the road, cutting her wheel to carry her down. “Thanks,” she says to the speaker of the phone. “I’ll be there soon.”

There’s no stopping her when she’s down the street. Ashton throws his arms into the air. “Fuck!”

She wipes at her face. She’s only eleven minutes away. Hardly no time at all. She’s at the end of the block, waiting for a string of cars to go. She can see Ashton approaching in the rearview mirror. He’s jogging down the block. The moment the last car clears, she turns left. It’s taking her opposite of where she wants for a moment, but she can make the next right and do a loop. She can’t risk Ashton knowing. 

The car’s long gone but Ashton continues for a few more steps before slowing his run. His chest aches. He could’ve fixed this. He could’ve made things right. They couldn’t end like this. He didn’t want her to storm out like that. They weren’t good for each other, but maybe all they needed was a little more time. That’s all. Just a little more time. 

-H

Send me a song + a boy and I’ll write you a blurb. 

[yukheii]

— rocket.

+ genre and warnings :: med student namjoon + med student reader, not that this drabble contains an overwhelming amount of references to med school but allow me to be self indulgent for a little while, fluff, yoongi is namjoon’s annoying best friend but wbk

+ notes :: idk if you guys have seen that reddit post that’s been going around about this guy talking about his girlfriend washing his hair for the first time but it was really cute and he sounded so happy and in love and it reminded me a lot of joon, so i decided to write this! 

+ side notes :: i can’t find the actual screenshot/post i’m talking about but if i do, i’ll try to add a link later to post it on my blog :’). also i swear yoongi isn’t a pothead okay

Yoongi can’t say he immediately noticed the pep in Namjoon’s step as soon as the taller boy walked into the café, but what he does notice is the dimpled grin and starry eyed gaze that grace his features throughout their conversation. And while Yoongi considers himself to be relatively attractive, he doubts the literal heart eyes being thrown his way are for him.

“Joon? Namjoon? Joon, are you good?” Yoongi asks, a dark eyebrow raised above his left eye. It takes three calls of his name for the younger boy to wake from his trance, looking up at Yoongi with that same, longing smile.

“Yeah,” he sighs, something reminiscent of a lovelorn cartoon prince when he rests his elbow on the table and his chin in the palm of his hand, “I’m good.”

Yoongi shifts a bit in his seat, but Namjoon’s eyes don’t follow; his brown irises stay trained center ahead of him. Yoongi turns his head to the right, looking for the object of Namjoon’s gaze, but is met only with the chipped, brown wood of the café’s booth.

Slowly, Yoongi leans forward, eyebrows pinched and lips pursed, “Joon, are you stoned right now?”

“What? No, I’m not high, Yoon, what the fuck?”

Yoongi simply shrugs, leaning back into the leather seat, “I don’t know, yesterday you were so stressed about your acrobatic salt cycle samples—”

“—it’s acetylsalicylic acid.”

“—and now you look mellow as fuck. Just thought maybe you rolled a good joint or something—not that I’m judging, of course, you could probably use some—”

“I didn’t smoke anything, hyung, Christ,” Namjoon sighs.

“Wouldn’t be so bad if you did. Seriously, sometimes you need a good—”

“Do you know what the half life of cannabis is? Up to ten days, Yoongi. That means that ten days—”

“—From after the time you smoke half of the weed could still be in your body,” Yoongi recites monotonously, “I know, Joon.”

Namjoon retreats with a satisfied grin, met with an unenthusiastic roll of Yoongi’s eyes. “Well, then what’s got your head in the clouds?”

Namjoon shifts in his seat now, pulling his hands off of the table into his lap. Yoongi’s suspicious brow is heightened again when he sees the faint blush dust over his friend’s cheek.

“_______ and I showered together last night,” he finally blurts.

“Oh, so you got laid—”

“—no, no, it wasn’t like that, nothing sexual happened,” he clarifies, continuing, the red on his cheek becoming more prominent with every word that spills out of his mouth, “She washed my hair. I know, that sounds dumb, but it was so... surreal?”

Yoongi should have suspected you had something to do with cheek to cheek grin on Namjoon’s face. Namjoon didn’t talk about his private life often; their conversations revolving around school, work, a mutual love for music, and occasional plans to get beers together. 

Rarely ever did the younger delve into his personal life; never about his familial life, but Namjoon didn’t need to say it for Yoongi to hear it.

So, instead of giving him the side eye and sarcastic comments one Jeon Jeongguk would be on the receiving end of at the topic of his girlfriend, Yoongi nods, and encourages Namjoon to continue. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, it was so—just, nice and relaxing, hyung. We don’t usually shower together, but this time we did and I was about to grab the shampoo myself, but then she took it from me and just did it herself. It felt so good, I felt like I was floating—like all the bullshit from school and home just melted away. I was beginning to think the stress was just going to perpetuate throughout midterms, you know? But last night she just hummed and washed my hair for like five minutes and I felt like it was all gone.”

Yoongi doesn’t stop the small smile from growing on his face; and he doubts Namjoon understands the depths of his newfound romantic bliss. 

“It’s crazy, all she did was wash my hair, but I’m so happy? She was so gentle and she did it like it was normal, like an every day thing between two people—I swear, I almost cried right there. It was just… I don’t know, it just felt good. Made me happy.”

Yoongi chuckles into his words, “You really love her, don’t you?”

“Yeah… I think I do.”

Three days later, Namjoon finds himself alone on your bed, stomach to the mattress, ignoring the nomenclature review in front of him in favor of aimlessly looking around your room. 

He notices things he hadn’t before. The small strip of images of the two of you in a clear mason jar, amongst other photos of you and your friends. The pens and pencils that the adjacent jar; two pencils stick out to him—they’re unsharpened, completely untouched, actually—and at the top, below the metal that holds the eraser at your initials and his.

When he looked over to your closet, he wasn’t surprised to find two of his hoodies, and his missing rugby shirt with the university’s crest embedded in the sleeve; what surprised him was that they were all next to each other, separated only by a hanger with your belts from the rest of your clothing. They were reserved, like they were special amongst the other fabric in your closet.

He notices the way his sweats and pajamas have their own drawer to themselves in your dresser, the way your fridge is stocked with a few of those probiotic smoothies you hate but he loves, the way his baseball cap sits among your other headwear like they just belong. Like Namjoon belongs.

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t register the sound of the door closing, or your footsteps growing louder; doesn’t register any sounds of you coming home until you’re shaking your bag off of your elbow.

“Hey, Joon,” you greet, and something about the way you don’t make a point of him being in your bed makes his stomach flutter.

“Hi,” he smiles, a stupidly fond look in his eyes as he watches you unpack the contents of your purse and shimmy your sweater off of your shoulders.

He shifts to sit upwards on the mattress, long legs dangling off the edge of your bed. He eyes your silhouette, admiring the hollows and convexes of your figure while you take off your earrings, and the tiny, silver ring on your index finger.

When you’re finished you greet him for a second time, walking to the center edge of the mattress. Namjoon lets you perch your weight on his thighs, mindlessly securing both arms around your waist while your fingers crawl up the nape of neck and into his scalp.

“Your hair’s dry,” you comment, tilting your head to press your lips against his softly, “You didn’t shower yet?”

He shakes his head, craning his neck downwards to tuck the cold tip of his nose into your collar, and mumbles faint words into your skin, “Was waiting for you.”

“Yeah?” your syllables come out in chuckles, laughter heightened as Namjoon tickles his eyelashes against your skin, and rake your fingers through his hair gently, “That gonna be a regular thing, now?”

“Wouldn’t mind,” he confesses, words hardly audible in the cook of your neck. He tries his hand at tickling you again, but this time, you move out of his reach, standing to your own two feet, a single hand extended forward.

“Well then, come on. I bought two new loofahs today.”

He follows with a smile, giggling all the way to the shower. He relishes in the feeling of your fingertips against his scalp, doesn’t bat an eye as you mold his hair into a bubbly mohawk with far too much shampoo. It’s so mundane, so simple, yet so intimate, and it fills him to the brim with emotions he can’t hope to convey with words. 

And when you’re finished rinsing his hair, you take your body wash on the ball of his new loofah and scrub away at his back, down his shoulders, across his torso; eventually, you abandon the sponge all together in favor of making his body sudsy with your own pressed against his, Namjoon can’t stop the tears falling from his eyes.

He realizes it must look bizarre to you, to be crying amongst the giggling and bubble beards, but he can’t help himself.

“Joon? Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he assures you, sniffling away anymore tears that threaten to fall, “You’re just… I don’t know. You make me happy, love.”

“You make me happy, too, Joon,” you reply with a smile.

You spend nearly five minutes like that, your arms wrapped around each other with water pouring over your naked skin. With every shallow kiss you press into his chest, Namjoon feels his heart physically swell; and it’s on the tenth, quiet press of your lips to skin that he lets himself let go. 

“I love you,” he finally confesses, with wet hair stuck to his forehead, and teary eyes.

“I know, baby,” you smile, kissing his chin, then on your tippie toes, his lips, “I love you more.”

[vincent-frankenstein]

different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it

aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao

so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u

its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half. 

putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long

first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.

u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better

secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day. 

it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”

try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too. 

now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort 

whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid

practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training

that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!

my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep. 

you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical

i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.

another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control

if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me

so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!

so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid

at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master

thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!

you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.

if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it  as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort

but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun

if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work

and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream

so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world

its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!

hm wow i really went ham here lmao

thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Proverbs 17:3 (15x05)

Ooh the parallels! The meta! The heavy-handed foreshadowing, and then the acknowledgment of said heavy-handed foreshadowing. And Lilith! Let's dive in.

Cons:

I've talked about this before, and I think it's pretty standard criticism of Supernatural, but it's still kind of funny to me when Sam and Dean get flung around the room and knocked unconscious all the time. There's no way Sam doesn't have concussion syndrome at this point. To not only get hit on the head, but to be knocked out because of it for several minutes? That's a serious, serious injury. It's always so funny to me when the boys get knocked about so easily in every episode, because it seems like dumb luck that they're still alive.

The episode was only slightly past the thirty minute mark when the werewolves were dead, so it was so obviously telegraphed that there was more to the story. I would have wanted just one more twist thrown in for good measure, to try and trick audiences into maybe falling for the C-plot setup just a bit more. As it was, everything was so standard, so predictable, that I was primed for a big twist from the start.

Pros:

But honestly? This episode kicked ass, and it furthered the main plot, and if the worst thing I can say about it is that maybe it was slightly too predictable, I think we've got a winner on our hands.

Before we touch on the meta stuff, let's talk about the parallels as they stand. The obvious one is with the werewolf brothers. One brother shoots the other and then kills himself, because they had both become monsters. Sam and Dean are forced to watch, and the symbolism is certainly not lost on them, even before Lilith spells it out. This is the telegraphed ending, the confrontation we've come across before. It's high melodrama, and it's been done as the climactic ending of several seasons of Supernatural. Again and again, Sam and Dean would rather let the world burn than lose one another.

The story of the werewolf brothers also continues one of Supernatural's most repeated and yet sometimes muddled themes, that of whether monsters are salvageable or all need to be killed. We seem to have landed pretty firmly on the side of things that says there is redemption for monsters. We just saw Benny for a moment there last week, and characters like Jack are meant to be an argument against the inevitability of evil. It's a free will thing, right? So this ending for the werewolves, where death is the only salvation left to them, is clearly Chuck's philosophy, not the one that the show is going to land on in the end.

There was another parallel that I thought was really interesting. Before we know that Ashley is actually Lilith, she has this super on-the-nose conversation with Dean about how she doesn't know what she wanted to do with her life. I suddenly realized that she's a new graduate from college, the same age that Sam was when this show started fifteen years ago (it makes the potential romantic angle between Dean and Ashley really gross, in my opinion - I was getting more of a father-daughter vibe from them). But in any case, one of the other big questions this show is going to have to answer is how Sam and Dean will end up. Alive or dead? I'm betting on alive. And if that's the case, we've got to decide whether they will keep hunting forever, or whether they get a different ending. Dean is telling us that he loves his job and wants to keep hunting. Sam, I think, probably wants to settle down if at all possible. I like that these questions are being introduced here, as it's starting to set up whatever sort of epilogue we'll get at the end of the show.

I just want to say thumbs up on the continuing nostalgia factor these days. Thus far, returning characters/cameos include Ketch, Rowena, Kevin, Benny, Lilith, Becky, Amara... and I'm sure the list will go on. It's fun to have nods to the past in almost every episode, and they are managing to make it feel all very organic because the show itself has become about the fact that it's a story. Does that sentence even make sense? Well, you get the point. The meta nature of our final A-plot makes it work to have so many call-backs to the past.

And let's talk about that meta, shall we? For all that I was digging the parallels in a lot of ways, I was almost going to put something in the "cons" section to complain about how on-the-nose it all was. There's something to be said for a bit of subtlety, after all. But then Ashley turned out to be Lilith, and everything changed. Because all of this heavy-handed storytelling isn't the show-runners or writers. I mean, it is, but it's on purpose, because that's how Chuck rolls.

It makes everything come full circle in a way that feels true to Supernatural's origins. To the amazing five-season arc that made up the best of what the show had to offer, a decade ago. It comes down to brother vs. brother, but what it really comes down to is free will vs. destiny. That's the beating heart of this show, and Chuck is the one writing the story. He might not realize it right now, being that he's a merciless villain, but if Sam and Dean thwart him, and achieve their happiness, that is the ending that is narratively earned. That is the only appropriate way to end the story. Chuck is stuck in a cycle of dramatic and ironic deaths, where Sam and Dean, two people who would let the world burn for one another, are forced by circumstance to die by each other's hand. And the only true ending to this show can be the one where Sam and Dean are forced by circumstance to make that choice, and choose to say no. It doesn't matter that we've been here before, so many times. That's the story Chuck wants to tell, and it's the story Sam and Dean will refuse.

I also want to touch base on Sam's dreams for a moment. We get the very predictable, yet still cool, revelation that Chuck and Sam are linked because of the "Equalizer" bullet that Sam shot Chuck with at the end of last season. Because of that, Sam is getting access into some of Chuck's imagined endings. We had the dream last week, and here we see Sam killing Dean again, this time with fire. And then we see Dean, a demon once again with the Mark of Cain back on his arm, stabbing Sam with the First Blade. Sam is disturbed by the nightmares, but keeps them from Dean until Dean tells Sam what Lilith told him about God's plan. I'm glad that Sam and Dean got to go a little while without knowing Chuck was still around, but it makes sense that as we're now 25% done with the season, they are back in the know and ready to face down their greatest challenge yet. This is exciting stuff, guys!

Lilith's return was everything it should have been. I knew a twist was coming, but when Ashley tripped and fell and was impaled on those antlers, I was legitimately shocked. And then - Lilith? Of all people? I was, as they say, shook. She destroys the Equalizer, which is good because I hate the super-powered weapon thing, and she tortures Dean a little bit just for fun, while under orders to leave both of the boys alive for Chuck's bigger plan. Obviously I am a sucker for Dean doing anything and everything to protect Sam, so that moment when Sam was lying there unconscious and Lilith starts to walk towards him, and Dean says "don't touch him," was just... *chef's kiss*.

And finally, let's turn to the Cas of it all. I am actually super delighted by the way they are doing this whole Cas and Dean breakup subplot. It's pretty clear from the brief mentions we get that Dean did not clue Sam in to what went down between them. Sam is texting and calling Cas and getting no answer, and Dean is shrugging and acting like nothing's wrong. Sam left a message cluing him in on the Chuck and Lilith situation, so what else can they do? I love that Dean is acting all casual and unconcerned. Because he's probably hurt and guilty, and he doesn't know how to process that right now when it comes to Cas. It's all leading up to some kind of resolution that I think I'm probably going to be happy with, no matter how blatantly no-homo they go with it. At least we're getting an entire emotional arc about their friendship. That's frankly more than I was expecting.

Dang, this review got long. I guess that's what happens when the episode ends up being really, really good! I'm pretty pumped for how the show is going to end, and ready for lots of nostalgia and gratuitous angst along the way!

9/10

[flowerspecial]

Calum College Series: Part 3

Calum had to get up very early the next day, much to his distaste. Calum, as a rule, was not a morning person, it wasn’t the waking up that bothered him, but the functioning like a normal person that killed him. It always took him a couple of hours at least before he was ready to start talking to other people. He began to get dressed as he heard a groan from Ashton’s bed.

“Jesus, how much did I drink?” Ashton tried to push himself up from the bed, but his arms quickly gave way, so he fell straight back down. Admitting defeat, he thought it would be best just to stay lying down.

“To be fair mate, you seemed pretty lucid when I found you. But you seemed very keen with Ava.” Calum was just tying his shoes, as he looked up at his friend.

“Oh god, please don’t tell me I did anything?”

“Not that I know,” Calum looked at him quizzically. “Why? Are you not so keen on her now you are sober?”

Even in his dazed-out state, Ashton still managed to throw his pillow in Calum’s direction.

“Shut up Cal, I’m not like that. I just don’t want to rush anything or make something of myself. Besides, I barely know the girl.”

Calum stayed silent, figuring it was better than saying something he would regret. He thought it was weird though, Ashton had known Ava only a few hours less than he had known Mollie. But he had such strong feelings towards Mollie and felt elated when they had kissed. Ashton’s comment had only made him question whether he was rushing things with Mollie, maybe his mind was racing ahead of its time.

“Right well, I’m going to head out for my classes. Make sure you eat something and stay hydrated. I’ll see you in a bit.” With that, Calum left Ashton in his sleepy haze and started walking to his classes. As he closed the door, he was greeted by a beautiful chestnut-haired girl, with big green eyes, and a dazzling smile.

“Good morning, sleep well?” Mollie looked up at Calum awaiting his response. Calum looked at Mollie with keen eyes. He didn’t understand how she could look so beautiful every time he saw her. She was wearing a floral playsuit with white trainers, it was simple, but Calum thought it suited her so well.

“Yes, thank you, my night ended so well last night. I slept like a baby.” Mollie looked at the ground blushing so slightly. She never handled flirty conversations well, but with Calum, she was a blushing mess.

“Oh yes? And why did your night end so well?”

“Well, I had the most beautiful girl in my arms, and I even managed to give her a kiss,” Calum smirked at Mollie knowingly, wanting her to feel his adoration towards her.

“I’m glad you had such a lovely night, mine ending in a similar way too.”

“What? You kissed a beautiful girl too?” Mollie laughed at Calum’s remark. She was thankful that he didn’t make it too flirty this time in the morning.

“So, what do you have today?” Mollie began to walk out of the dorms, and Calum followed closely. He liked how genuinely keen she was to listen to him; he appreciated her curiosity.

“First, I have statistics, then physics, then Italian. It should be a good day, oh yeah, I also find out about soccer!” With Mollie on his brain, Calum forgot all about his soccer trials, it was weird how so much could happen in such a short amount of time. College was strange like that.

“Oh, I have physics second as well, is it with Professor Wiley?” Mollie looked up at him hopefully. She wasn’t the most confident of people in a class, so she was hopeful that she would have Calum to sit with.

“Yeah, it is! Do you want to sit together?” They walked towards the bikes so Mollie could pick hers up.

“Yes please!” Mollie exclaimed, quickly realising how enthusiastic she sounded she retreated slightly. “I mean, only if you want to. If you have someone else to sit with that’s cool.”

“Considering how I asked you, I’m more than happy to sit with you.” Calum nudged Mollie with his hip, trying to reassure her. Mollie smiled at him bashfully, as she began to unlock her bike.

“Great! I have bio first so if you get there first can you save me a seat? I will save you one if I’m there first.”

“Sounds great to me, I will see you there!” Calum wanted to kiss her again but settled for a hug. Only the hug was slightly clumsy as Mollie was trying to hold her bike up and the folder in her arms.

Mollie climbed onto her bag and gave Calum one last look. She cycled off to her next class leaving Calum stood outside of the dorms. He smiled to himself as he watched her go. There was something so endearing about her, he could stare at her for hours. But if he did that, he would be late for his first college class, and not wanting to get off on the wrong foot he began to walk to class.

He walked into the vast lecture hall, it was old fashioned with wooden chairs and desks shaped in an oval with a large blackboard placed at the front of the class. The professor was leaving against the desk watching the students mill in. When Calum had arrived the lecture hall was probably only a quarter full, he looked around quickly seeing if there were any friendly looking faces. He climbed the stairs, taking a seat in the middle next to a boy with long shaggy blonde hair. Calum thought he looked like a good guy so decided it was worth a chance.

“Hey mate, I’m Calum, nice to meet you,” Calum said as he sat down and took out his pen and paper ready for the lecture to begin.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Luke.” Luke smiled at Calum, watching him take his stuff out.

Calum and Luke made idle chit chat as more students walked into the lecture hall. Some students looked very confident and sat down at the front of the room, eager to begin. Others appeared timid and more looked for a friendly face to sit with like Calum had done. Next to Calum there was another boy who was wearing a soccer jersey with a jacket thrown over the top.

“Hey, I saw you at the soccer trials. You were so good!” The boy smiled at Calum. Calum returned the smile gratefully; he was about to say something as the lecturer began speaking.

“Welcome class, I’d like to say thank you for getting out of bed this early in the morning to attend this lecture. If you have any problems, please get in touch via email or come to my contact hours in my office. I hope you enjoy this module, and let’s get started.”

Calum quite liked the lecture; he found the topic very interesting, and the lecturer was brilliant at explaining. As the lecture wrapped up, he began putting his stuff back in his bag as Luke turned to him. “That wasn’t that bad, if you want to meet up to study or something do you think we should exchange numbers?”

“Yeah mate that sounds good.” Luke and Calum quickly exchanged numbers and filled out of the lecture room. Calum had about 5 minutes to arrive at his next lecture, luckily it was in the same building so it shouldn’t take him too long. He desperately wanted to make sure he could get two seats together, not wanting to disappoint Mollie. Thankfully when he had walked in, there were plenty of spaces available. Not being too sure where Mollie would want to sit, Calum chose a couple of seats near the middle so she wouldn’t be too close to the front where she would have to crane her neck looking up at the board; or near the back where she could struggle to hear the lecturer. To an outsider’s view, people would think that Calum might be overthinking about this, but to Calum, he didn’t want any excuse for Mollie to not be happy with him. If something as simple as a seat in a lecture could make Mollie happy, he was glad to do it.

Mollie walked into the room, searching for a familiar face. Calum noticed Mollie as soon as she walked in and found it cute at how hesitant she looked while trying to find Calum. Calum wanted to make it easier for her, so he raised his hand and waved at her. When she saw Calum, her eyes lit up and walked over to where he was sitting. She placed her folder on the desk and sat down, tucking her playsuit underneath her. Calum turned slightly, so his body was more towards her.

“How was physics?” She asked.

“It was good thank you, I even made a new friend.” He raised his eyebrows as he spoke, trying to make her laugh.

“You, made a new friend? Now that is shocking, did they feel sorry for you?” Mollie joked. Calum chortled and nudged her shoulder slightly in retaliation. They stopped talking and just stared at each other for a few moments. Neither could explain the intense attraction between each other, but neither wanted to deny its presence. As Calum got out his pen and paper, and Mollie got out her laptop and water bottle, the lecturer walked into the room and began the lecture.

At college there were always two types of students: those who were like Mollie, furiously writing down everything the lecturer said, using a multitude of coloured pens and highlighters; and those like Calum, who wrote about five words before getting bored and began to start doodling in the corners of the page. Mollie noticed Calum’s wandering attention, so would tap on his page in an attempt to get him to start writing again. When she saw that wasn’t working, she decided to draw a couple of doodles on the page herself. Calum laughed at her efforts.

“Let me guess, you’re one of those people who do next to no work, yet still manages to get perfect marks?” Mollie spoke as began to gather her things together.

“No not at all,” Calum replied as they walked down the stairs as to exit the lecture hall. “It’s just I struggle to keep up sometimes with the lecturer, so I prefer to revise on my own at my own pace.” Mollie felt a bit guilty for jumping to conclusions, but she had come across too many people in her life that was gifted academically, and the work they put in didn’t seem to correspond with the fantastic marks they always got. Mollie always felt like she had to work a lot harder than most to get where she wanted to be.

“Well if you need a study partner, you can always ask me.” Calum felt tingly inside when Mollie offered her help him study. He felt flattered that she was willing to help him.

“You know what, I might have to take you up on that offer.”

“Well if you want, we can meet up tonight. It wouldn’t hurt to look through our module and start organising things for our assessments.” Mollie felt like she was grasping at straws trying to make reasons to be with Calum. They had only had one lesson, so there really was nothing to do, but Mollie wanted to spend more time with Calum.

“Yeah, that sounds great! I have soccer practice tonight, but afterwards, I’m all yours!” Calum didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but Mollie blushed, nonetheless.

“Great, well, I have to go to my next class, but, erm, maybe we should get each other’s numbers, that way, erm, you could message me when you’re done?” Mollie was fumbling with her phone spinning it around in her fingers. She held it out for Calum to take so he could put in his number. Mollie would be lying if she said that her heart wasn’t racing, but she wanted an excuse to be able to talk to Calum more. Calum took it eagerly and put in his number, he grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and give it to Mollie so she could do the same. Mollie put in her number and handed it back to Calum. They smiled at each other and Mollie said goodbye as she headed to her next class.

The next class went really smoothly, Calum had fun in Italian. He managed to make a couple more friends, including a boy called Michael. Michael seemed very soft spoken and kind hearted, he made Calum feel at ease. When the class was over, he walked over to the soccer pitch ready to begin practice. He was excited to find out what team he was, but he was hopeful of making the top team, especially with Ashton’s and the boy from his first class’s comments. Calum lined up with the rest of the boys, waiting for the coach. He found the boy he had met in his first class and stood beside him.

“Welcome gentlemen, nice to see you all. I have drafted the lists of the teams in the changing rooms. They are not up for negotiation, the only way you will change my mind is if you improve.” The coach shouted as the boys looked at each other sceptically.

The boys walked into the changing rooms to see their fate. Calum was beyond relieved to read that he had made the first team, he couldn’t wait to call home and tell his parents. The practice was stressful, and the boys were indeed to pushed to their limits. Unlike most, Calum liked being tested, he knew that to be the best he had to push himself. He thought the coach was going to be brilliant for making him a better player.

After practice, Calum was quick to pack his stuff and to leave the pitch. He said goodbye to his teammates, not wanting to appear rude, but it is evident that he was in a definite hurry. He sent Mollie a quick text to say that training was over and was walking back to dorms. He explained that he needed to take a quick shower and should be with her within the hour.

Part 4

[diannaphantomfiction]

Karivarry LifeSwap AU Writing Prompts. Prompt 8/15: First Meetings

THERE IS NOW A LIST OF CHARACTERS: HERE

Prompt requested by an anonymous @mewwitch. Here’s the Prompt:

If you are still taking prompts for the lifeswapAU, how about their first meetings with each other? Or maybe the first time they introduced each other as romantic partners?

I actually ended up splitting  this into two stories, so their introductions as romantic partners will come next!

Kara huffed as she waited for the detective in front of her to uncuff her hands. This, sadly wasn’t exactly an unusual experience. Ever since she had gotten home, Lieutenant Maggie Sawyer had it out for her. As an ex-girlfriend of Alex’s, Kara had sort of assumed it was a way for her to grieve. But it wasn’t that, not anymore. It had gotten insane. Whenever something happened near Kara, Maggie found a reason to bring her in, especially if she thought the Arrow was involved. Now, Maggie wasn’t wrong per say. Kara was the Arrow, but she didn’t have any proof. Kara had made sure of that.

Kara leaned back in the interview room chair, crossed her arms, and glared at the two way glass. “Is this just going to be another time you hold me for 48 hours and hope you get the evidence you need to put me in jail, Lieutenant Sawyer? Because if so I’d like to make some calls.”

They didn’t answer and they made Kara wait, she wasn’t sure how long (she hadn’t gotten a look at a clock as they pushed her through the station to count the time) but she was quickly getting restless. Being locked in a small room wasn’t exactly helping. As she paced the room, pulling her hair out of it’s ponytail and twisting it into a braid as she considered picking up one of the chair and throwing through the two-way mirror. That wouldn’t help her though. In fact, it would be a reason to really arrest her.

Then, the door opened and Kara shifted her stance, moving her arms and widening her eyes to make herself appear more innocent and open. She didn’t recognize the man that stepped inside. He was tall, dressed in a well fitted three piece suit, and clearly conveying openness with his body language.

“Hello Ms. Danvers-Grant. My name is Oliver Queen. I’m a psychologist who often works with the police.”

“You’re here to prove I’m crazy I take it?”

Queen shook his head and gestured to the chair. “I’m just here to listen.”

Kara gave him a flat look. “I know Lieutenant Sawyer is watching on the other side of the glass. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then let’s prove her wrong.”

Kara glared at the glass as he sat down, but wiped her face back to the innocent face before sitting down. Queen asked her a lot of questions. About the island. About her family. About how she was re-accumulating. About her sleep cycles and her relationships. If she was making new friends. If she’d connected with old ones. How and if she relaxed. If she had nightmares. Kara gave away just enough to satisfy him, tearing up at the appropriate times, clenching her jaw and refusing to answer what she thought normal people would refuse to ask. Queen was kind, open, and understanding, not judging her or pushing too much.

He thanked her for her time and left the room as she wiped away fake tears. There. That should fool them.

“Well?” Maggie Sawyer asked as soon as Oliver closed the door.

Oliver raised an eyebrow at the Lieutenant. He was doing this as a favor to Lance and because he had a personal interest in the vigilante. But, he did not like Maggie Sawyer’s approach to finding out who the Arrow is. She’d gotten one thing in her mind and was harassing one person because she was ‘too different now.’ After five years of struggling to survive, torture, and being cut off from the world.

“Well, she’s a social chameleon with extreme PTSD that she is somehow functioning with and highly conditioned violent tendencies.”  

“So, it’s her?”

Oliver snarled. “So, you’re attacking a woman because of completely understandable survival techniques and PTSD and I will be reporting you to your Captain and telling Ms. Danvers-Grant to take of a restraining order on you.”

He starts to walk away but she grabs his arm. “She fits your profile.”

“And I’m sure she’s not the only one, but I fully believe that if Ms. Danvers-Grant was the Arrow, with all the harassment she’s been undergoing at your hands, she would have snapped and attacked you as your tried to arrest her by now. I did my job. I gave you a profile as a favor for my father. Now do yours, Lieutenant.”

Oliver doubled over, breathing heavily as he tried to look around. The device Felicity and Mac had thrown together to speed him up in a last ditch effort to stop Zoom felt heavy against his chest and he was pretty sure the grass under his feet was smoking. Well, it had worked, because he was pretty sure he wasn’t in Central and it had only been about five minutes.

He was in the middle of a park, one in a city most likely judging by the amount of people in it, looking at him.

“Is that the Flash?”

“What is he doing here?”

“I’m sure Super… will be here soon.”

Wait, which Super? Had he run all the way to Metropolis? What the fuck? There was no way he’d gone that fast. Was that even possible? Seriously, that seemed like the type of thing that should rip even his body apart.

“Hey, Flash!” A man came running up and held a bottle of water out. Oliver just stared at the man in confusion. “You look like you need this.”

Oliver just blinked at him.

“What they don’t take care of you in Star?”

Aside from occasionally pulling him out of the way when he was injured, the citizens stayed out of his way. He didn’t mind, it was a safety thing. If he slowed down long enough for them to interact with him, there was a high chance he was about to get attack. When he was just on patrol, he just moved to fast to interact with. There were the kids that left drawings outside the lab and Felicity always brought the drawings inside to tac on the walls, but that was the most interaction he really got.

Oliver slowly took the water. “...Thanks.”

People started to point up at the sky, parents lifting their kids so they could get a better look, and Oliver saw a red and blue shape. Superman? No, there wasn’t a cape. Superboy. Central City. Okay, that actually made some sense. Central wasn’t on the other side of the country at least, just 600 miles away. ...no, it wasn’t any better. It was still way to fast.

Superboy landed gently and with more grace than Oliver had ever come to a stop with in his life. He was... gorgeous, with wide, green eyes that sort of sparkled and nice looking light brown hair. His body was proportioned just right, thin and tall, but not lanky or awkward. He moved like he had complete control over every cell.

“Flash, welcome to Central City! Sorry it took me some time to get to you. I heard you coming, but I didn’t know you could move that fast.”

And then he smiled at Oliver; a bright, wide smile that reached his eyes and shined like the sun. Oliver felt his heart drop to his stomach and a warmth spread through his chest and arms. He found himself smiling back, the idea of doing anything else seemed wrong. He recognized this feeling. It was the exact feeling he’d had the first time he’d seen Kara take down a thug in five seconds and then turn all her attention to him to make sure he was alright.

Shit.

Barry was probably more excited about this than he should be. He was a grown adult. He really should be this excited about being invited for a training exercise in Star City, but he didn’t really have superhero friends of his own. Diana and Bruce were Kal-El’s friends, and while Diana had always treated him like a beloved nephew, they didn’t exactly consider him an equal.

No, outside his team, Barry only had Oliver, the Flash. And Oliver had been nothing but kind and welcoming, often running to Central just to give Barry a hand or to get lunch with him. Barry reciprocated in turn, and he enjoyed their friendship. He wanted more than friendship, but he was willing to settle, because a life without Oliver sounded impossible. Oliver talked about the mysterious Arrow as much as he did everything else in his life put together. Barry knew love when he saw it. He’d seen it in Clark’s eyes when he spoke about Lois, and Diana’s when she spoke about Steve or Bruce and Oliver got that same look in his eyes when he spoke about the Arrow.

Oliver’s base was bursting at the seams. The teenagers had managed to huddle in one corner, masks off and phones out as they exchanged numbers and social media and funny pictures with their masks and hoods off. Felicity and Winn had grabbed Cisco and pulled him off to the tech and the three of them seemed to be having a grand time. The Black Canary and Siren were talking to Caitlin, all three of them still in their masks and seemed to be having some sort of subtle badass off. Diggle and John were standing next to each other and pretending they weren’t wearing the same exasperated expression.

Finally, Barry saw Oliver, standing off to the side with his domino mask hanging around his neck and suit unzipped just enough to make it a little more comfortable. He was smiling and laughing and Barry had to stop himself from happy floating. Nope. Not here in front of everyone. Not while Caitlin could see him and she would tell everyone. Iris would never let it go. Oh Rao, Len would never let it go. No happy flying.

“Hey, Barry!” Oliver smiled when he caught Barry’s eye and waved him over.

Barry headed over as slowly as he thought he could, wishing his suit had pockets so he’d have something to do with his hands. Then he saw who Oliver was talking to. She had to be the Arrow and yes, it turned out she was as gorgeous as Oliver implied. Her green suit was somehow both practical and completely feminine at the same time. Her long blonde hair fell down between her shoulder blades in a tight braid. Her eyes were so blue and just full of intelligence and determination.

“...warrior goddess…” Barry whispered.

Then the Arrow turned to look at him and Barry promptly tripped and cracked the concrete under him.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Happier Part 5

Summary: After another fight with his girlfriend of five years, Sebastian needs to make a tough decision. But after the breakup, things get even messier.

Chapter Summary: Sebastian feels overly conflicted as he tries to track down Tegan to apologize.

Warnings: Arguments (as usual in this fic. If you’ve made it this far you’re aware)

           Sebastian didn’t sleep with Frankie. But they kissed at the door before he left. It made him feel like a monster.

           The next morning, he walked down to a coffee shop to clear his head. He was so conflicted about everything in his life. He pulled out his phone and tried to call Tegan. He figured he could at least apologize for what he’d done at the shower.

           “This number is busy, please call again.” The robotic voice on the other line was strange. Tegan never turned her phone off even in the movie theater she left it on. Thrown off, he contemplated the possibility that she hadn’t made it back home safely. He trusted Victoria, but not enough.

           He wasn’t really concerned with the fact that he might look a little overbearing. Or very overbearing. He ditched the idea of coffee and headed to Tegan’s apartment.

           “Tegan?” He knocked on the door a few times, and then another few times, and three more times again. If she wasn’t home there was only one place she could be.

===========

           “Victoria, it’s Sebastian.” He called as he knocked on the door.

           A few minutes later, the tall actress opened the door. “Sebastian, what a nice surprise.” She said with sarcasm dripping off her tongue. “Come to hit on me next?”

           He should’ve expected a frosty welcoming. Even when he and Tegan were dating, Victoria didn’t like him. Mostly because she witnessed them fighting before. “Well I’m not here for you, I’m here to apologize to Tegan.” He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her. But if that had to be his punishment, he’d take it.

           “She’s not here.” Victoria held an arm out to completely block the view of the apartment.

           “Bullshit, she’s not at her apartment so where else would she be?”

           “Maybe she’s dead in a ditch somewhere.” She replied deadpan.

           “That’s not funny.” He gave her a look. “I know she’s in there.”

           “So now you care?” She demanded. “You didn’t seem too interested in her last night. Why don’t you just leave her alone and stop playing games with her.”

           “I’m not…” He let out a frustrated sound and took a few steps away from the door to take a deep breath. “I’m trying to apologize to her.”

           “Well even if she were, she doesn’t want to speak to you. She’s taking care of herself and her baby.”

           “Our baby.”

           “Oh, I wasn’t aware you were pregnant too! Congrats. She’s doing the work you’re just the baby daddy.” She tilted her head to the side and gave him a simpering look. “Beat it, we don’t want you here.”

           “So she is here. Thanks, Vic.” Sebastian pushed past her and walked down the hallway to the room Tegan sometimes stayed in.

           “Hey, asshole, I could call the police on you.” Victoria snapped. “But instead I think I want to kick your ass.” She put her hands on her hips. The actress was training for an action movie so she had the confidence to take on the man.

           “You can do that after I talk to her.” He knocked on the third door of that day. “Tegan, I know you’re here.”

           There was a silence for a moment before the pregnant woman opened the door. Her eyes were red from crying and she wiped her nose on the sleeve of her sweater. “Go away, Sebastian, I don’t want to see you.” She tried to shut him out.

           He stuck his foot in the way and put a hand on the door. “Will you please just listen for once?” He asked.

           Her face was like stone as she stared blankly at him. “There’s nothing you could say that would make me change my mind. Victoria’s right, you’re no good for me.”

           “So you’ve been letting Victoria get into your head? What does she know about us?”

           “Hey!” The other actress snapped. “I watched you two mentally fuck with each other for five years. Don’t say I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

           “I know what we’re doing isn’t working. But if I need to change, I will. I want what’s best for our baby.” There was still frustration laced in his voice though. After the measure he took to find her, he assumed he at least deserved a chance to explain himself. Maybe that was the problem, he felt entitled to something from Tegan.

           She looked conflicted and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know…”

           “C’mon, let’s just go back to your place and we can talk it through.” He softened his voice a little to coax her.

           Tegan thought for a moment. “No…no, I can’t get back into that cycle with you.” She whispered. “Go home.” She shut the door, forcing him back.

           Regret, guilt, and frustration built up in Sebastian. He faced Victoria. “Seriously?”

           “Don’t even step to me, Stan.” She replied sharply.

           “I’m trying to work things out with her and you’re sticking your nose into something that has nothing to do with you!” He raised his voice, not willing to see himself as the one to blame. Victoria was an easy target.

           “You’re not trying to work on anything with her!” Victoria wasn’t weak. If a strong man came at her, she didn’t back down. “You two only know how to yell at each other and fuck. How in the world do you think that’s going to solve anything? Someone had to break the cycle, and neither of you was going to do it. I stuck my nose in your business to help my friend realize she was falling victim to you manipulating her!”

           “I wasn’t manipulating her.” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You continue to think you’re the only one on this planet who seems to understand relationships. Guess what, relationships aren’t easy and sometimes couples argue.”

           “Right, so when you’re not arguing what are you doing?” Victoria demanded.

           He paused because he couldn’t give her an answer he wanted to say out loud.

           “Exactly.” She glared at him. “You think you can just solve things by having sex but that’s not a relationship, dumbass. She’s not some girl you can keep tied to you. Don’t you want her to be happy?”

           Sebastian felt his chest tighten. Happier. He had wanted her to be happier, that’s why he left in the first place. But once he found out about the pregnancy, he wanted things to change again. He wanted a perfect relationship with her, even if he had to force it. But after a month of their encounters, he pushed his desires aside for his selfish needs. Then he had thought it was okay to flirt with another woman because he didn’t think Tegan would feel anything. He thought she didn’t feel because she only showed anger.

           He ran a hand over his face. “Victoria, if I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t still be here.” His voice lowered.

           “If you loved her, you’d let her be happy.” She retorted but seemed to release some of the anger she had. “I don’t know what the future holds. Maybe you two can work it out but right now you need to leave each other alone. I’m not saying she’s a saint; she’s just as bad as you are. But you’re the one who came knocking.”

           Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek and looked at the bedroom door. “Just…” He pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. “If you take care of her and make sure I know she’s okay, I’ll back off. But you can’t cut me out completely.”

           “Fine.” Victoria crossed her arms. “But if you pull this shit again, you’re done.”

           He nodded and turned to leave. “Just tell her I’m sorry for everything.” He mumbled as he walked out of the apartment.

============

           Sebastian flew out to LA the next week. He had to film but he went a little early to get out of New York. Being away from Tegan was like withdrawal. He had frequent dreams about her, couldn’t get her out of his mind, kept ruminating over their last argument, and woke up in a cold sweat desperate to be beside her. But with hundreds of miles between them, his head felt a little clearer. Maybe it was just the possessive feeling lingering. He had no right to Tegan. Nothing he did gave him the slightest possibility of deserving her. But he still wanted her.

           Sebastian sat on Chris’s balcony, smoking his third cigarette of the day.

           “Are you trying to give yourself lung cancer early or…” Chris stepped out onto the balcony.

           “Yeah, right.” He grumbled a reply. “You smoke too, jerk.”

           “Mhm…” The blond actor let out a sigh as he sat down next to his friend. “What’s on your mind, champ?”

           “What do you think?” Sebastian wasn’t in the mood for lightheartedness. He wanted to smoke, get wasted, or sleep for the rest of the day.

           “Look, this thing with Tegan will blow over. You two can make it work if you try.” Chris wasn’t fully aware of the nature of their relationship. He’d seen them dating but unlike Victoria, he never saw them in their natural state at each other’s throats. “Have you talked to her at all since you found out about the pregnancy?”

           That made Sebastian groan out loud. “Yeah, we talked and then we hate-fucked each other when it was done.”

           “Whoa…I didn’t need to know that.” Chris made a face of shock and discomfort. “That sounds…unhealthy.”

           “Wow, no one has ever told me that.” He retorted sarcastically. “I got a verbal ass beating from Victoria, but thanks for agreeing with her.”

           “Well, is there anything to disagree with? You two aren’t together, you have a child on the way, and you’re in a friends-with-benefits relationship. Sounds unhealthy to me.”

           “Not anymore, Victoria convinced her to completely cut me out of her life.” Sebastian took a drag from the cigarette and held the smoke in for a beat before letting it slip past his lips slowly. “Now I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet because of the way I treated her. But I know that if we went back to each other it would just end up doing the same thing over and over again.”

           “So you either need to not be together or work it out.” Chris shrugged and reached over to take a cigarette from the pack and grabbed the lighter off the small table between the chairs.

           “Yeah, we were trying to work it out when this all started. But that lasted about a day.”

           “Maybe instead of yelling at each other about the same things, just try a different approach.” Chris cupped the lighter so the wind wouldn’t blow out the flame. “I mean, what made you two start fighting in the first place?” He asked after the first puff of the cigarette.

           “When we were dating?” Sebastian’s voice trailed off as he reached back into the past. “I mean…things fell apart after her dad died.” He said. He always knew that was the root cause but never saw a way around it. People died and everyone coped differently. Tegan lashed out.

           “When did that happen?”

           “Three years ago, the end of the summer.”

           Chris thought for a moment. “That’s when we were filming Civil War.”

           “Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t go, the funeral was in Australia.”

           His friend looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. “Your serious girlfriend lost her father and you didn’t go to the funeral?” He questioned.

           “Oh, for God’s sake don’t give me that look.” Sebastian spat and stubbed out his cigarette fiercely. “That’s the same look she gave me. Look if I wasn’t working I could’ve gone.”

           “Sebastian, maybe she’s sick of you making excuses. Hell, if you gave me that excuse for something that big, I’d be angry.”

           “It was three years ago, I understand she’s hurt but why am I her only target? I'm pretty sure none of her friends went. She wants to cut me out because of a mistake I made? I used bad judgment, sure, but I don’t know what else I can say!” He gritted his teeth in irritation.

           “Did you ever apologize to her or did you just give excuses?” Chris wasn’t quick to argue with him. He was a straight shooter, not someone who got caught up in the drama.

           “I…” He paused. Had he ever apologized to her? He recalled many conversations, rather, arguments, about the matter. But Sebastian always got defensive whenever Tegan blamed and accused him. He never once apologized. “Fuck…” He whispered.

           “Yeah, maybe that’s why she never let it go because you kept dragging it out instead of owning up and apologizing. I think if you want to make it work, you quit the constant arguing in a circle and just apologize.”

           “She won’t forgive me.” Sebastian looked down guiltily. How could he have never apologized? How could he think it was acceptable to make weak excuses for not being there in her time of need? “It’s been too long…I’ve done too much damage.”

           “Well even if she doesn’t accept it, at least you get it out.”

           Sebastian sighed deeply and put his head in his hands. “Alright, it’s the least I can do for her.”

Permanent tag: @what-the-buckybarnes

Masterpost

Fic Masterlist

[kpop4dummies]

The Pains In My Heart

Another piece of writing because I got bored! And Jung Jaehyun is the epitome of my life. Something a little heavier because watching a movie that makes you cry is the best method of healing ever :D Promise it’ll be a happy ending though!~ It’s a pretty long one, and I’m sorry it moves pretty slow. But I hope you enjoy! - Fay <3

(Photo not mine. Credits to NyLon Magazine)

Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Neighbor!AU, HighSchool!AU

Word Count: 3,605+

POV: First Person

“Ms. (Y/L/N), this matter is very serious if it goes on any longer. I advise you that you stop with your activities and move somewhere better for your health.”

“I’m sure my daughter understands, Doctor.”

“Good. Now her next appointments are…”

So here am I now in this new part of the city where it’s considered ‘safe for my health.’ No matter where I go, it’ll all be the same in the end. Nowhere is safe for my health. As long as I try to survive and get through the day without breaking a bone. That’s all that mattered to me for the sake of my parents. 

The first day we got to the new house was chaos. You know the deal, bringing out the boxes and unpacking all the dishes, clothes, toiletries, accessories. I wasn’t allowed to carry the things that were ‘too heavy’ for obvious reasons. As usual, dad would always crack jokes and even play around while mom unpacked and messily set the random articles of clothing and the accessories into the various rooms in the house. And for me? To just do as I was told. And the first night I slept, I barely got any. The city sights of our old home gave me comfort, where the loud noises on the streets numbed out the negativity in my head and gave me something to focus on as I slept instead of contemplating my existence. 

I saw no point into moving out here. I already missed the other side of town where my friends were probably missing me. If I even had any. The new high school didn’t exactly make it easier on me either. Kinda like the one back where I used to live. Always kids picking on me and complaining when I had an excuse to sit out on activities that included intense physical activity. Oh yeah, it felt like home now. Everyday for the next two weeks was the same. I woke up, went to school, went home, did my homework, eat, then sleep. The same cycle over and over again with no change.

Until one day, everything seemed to change. As usual, I got up and sat on my bed for awhile staring out my window. The blinds of the opposite window were open, which never happened. I always believed that that house was never occupied. And then, this handsome man appeared, woken up and ready for the day. He was dressed in only a wifebeater and some grey sweatpants with his hair a fluffed up mess, and… Woah. Who was he? Was it possible for someone to wake up as flawless as him? That was until he closed his blinds. I froze on my bed, the image replaying in my head of when he walked into his room, seemingly done with his morning routine.

Eventually, I had to get out of bed. I did my morning routine, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed out to walk to school. It was slightly chilly that morning on the way, I wished I brought a jacket. Why did I wear such a short sleeve shirt? Luckily, I was there in twenty minutes with ten left to spare. The building could be colder than outside, I swear.

After the first three classes of the morning, it was finally time for lunch. I mainly was by myself, sitting in the corner where no one ever goes to. It was all fine and dandy, until I met the eyes of the same guy I saw next door. This time, in actual clothes and socializing. He was less mysterious in this sense. He seemed to have fun. He stared at me as if he wanted to do so on purpose, until something else caught his attention. What was this feeling in my heart?

The school day began to end, finally. And it was time to walk back home. Just as I was about to head out, I heard a ‘hey you!’ being called out. I normally would ignore it. It was probably someone else being called to. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around to meet the same eyes of the boy next door. I was numb.

“Hey you, I was calling for you~”

“Do I know you?” I questioned him. Well, duh of course I knew him, what a dumb question…

“Well, I am your next door neighbor. Perhaps I didn’t introduce myself. Ahem, Jung Jaehyun. Junior class,” he said as he held out his hand, a small smile appeared on his lips. So he was a year above me. I hesitantly took his hand with a shy grin.

“(Y/N), sophomore class.”

“Year younger, eh? Well, I suppose I can walk you home,” he said as his smile got wider. 

The walk home was pretty pleasant. Jaehyun was an interesting person. Pretty popular among the crowd and had friends who were just a popular. He was pretty intelligent as well, which made the girl swoon. He sounded so perfect, and why was someone so perfect talking to someone who had nothing to offer? I guess you could say I’m a prude. I was nothing compared to what his life was like. 

“I mean, there could be some upsides in your life right?”

“If taking meds and constantly protecting yourself from almost everything was fun, I would consider my life an amusement park.”

“C’mon Negative Nancy, don’t get like that.”

“I’m not that pessimistic, I swear!” We could both laugh at my misery and how silly it was. He made my spirits lifted somehow. Like the world was off my shoulders finally. It was a fun time until we both stopped by my house.

“Well, I guess tomorrow is a new day, huh?”

“Yep. And no worries, (Y/N). It’ll always be a better day tomorrow. Don’t get too negative on me, eh?”

“Yeah yeah~ No time for lectures right now, ok? Well, see you at school, Jae!”

“You too, little miss sunshine~”

The little nickname he gave me made me chuckle and feel warm on the inside. Maybe I finally found a friend who’ll stick out for me. How wonderful. Until my mood swing hit and said, ‘He only pitied you. Don’t think it won’t happen again.’ It was fun while it lasted, as I always say.

For the next few months, it was like this. Me and Jaehyun walking to school together, meeting up at lunch with his friends to hang out, coming home afterschool and spending more time together in his house. And then go to bed to do the same thing all over again. Our moms would even tease us for going on ‘dates.’ Ridiculous, right? I’ll admit, it was kinda cute to be teased that we were a couple.

We couldn’t keep secrets from each other. We were the best of friends. Why would I lie to him? But thruthfully, I already broke that rule since Day One. I wouldn’t dare tell him what was wrong with me. Why I couldn’t do certain activities and why I was suddenly negative at random times. I couldn't even tell him why I was on so many medications at once. We were supposed to tell each other everything right?. 

 Until that fateful night. That’s when he finally found out everything.

On a Saturday afternoon, Jaehyun sent a text even if he was in the next window of the house. 

[3:50] (Y/N)! I wanted to tell you something!

[3:50] What haven’t you told me? lol

[3:51] Hurtful, hahah

[3:51] Anyway, Taeyong’s picking me up to head over to Taeil’s house in about 20 minutes. The guys will be there. You wanna come?

[3:52] Um, heck yeah! Casual?

[3:52] No, we’re going to prom. Of course dress casual, silly~

[3:52] lol, you meanie. I’ll be at the house in about 15.

[3:53] sounds good~ I’ll let them know you’re coming with.

And as usual, I dressed into a jacket and some leggings with a random band shirt thrown in my closet. Surely I didn’t look like I tried to fit in, did I? After a few minutes of laying around in my bed, I got up and headed for next door, just about five minutes before we were supposed to leave. I rang the doorbell about three times before a hoodie-clad Jaehyun stood at the door.

“You’re here a bit early~”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t miss me.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t,” he said as we both chuckled. I stepped back as he went to lock up his door. And at that moment, I heard Taeyong pull up on the driveway of the house. I turned to look around and gave a wave to the car. Well actually it was a seven-seater SUV, suiting his ‘father-like’ image. But it managed to fit the whole group regardless. 

Jaehyun and I squeezed into the van, which had enough room for the both of us. And the ten minute drive to the house wasn’t too quiet either. Boys were normally loud, regardless of age or whoever was in the car. 

“So (Y/N), finally joining in one of our parties, eh?”

“It’s not exactly a party if we’re just drinking and playing video games, Yuta,” Doyoung said, making the whole car burst into laughter. 

“Well, actually I can’t drink too much.”

“Why not? Age is nothing but a number, (Y/N). We won’t tell the cops.”

“Unless you want me to die Johnny, then I’ll take nine tequila shots.” The car was filled with more chuckles and laughs as more conversation went on. Soon, we arrived to Taeil’s house, getting out the car and piling up in his living room.

This went on for a couple of hours. The smell of alcohol in the air made me feel a bit heavy, but I went on. Jaehyun kept me by his side at all times in case something happened to me, but truthfully wherever he was, I couldn’t even breathe.

“It’s just us, Jae. I don’t need to be babysitted. I’m just gonna sit on the couch.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re like my baby sister. No way in heck I’m letting you out my sight.”

Being called baby sister made a pang of hurt run through my heart. Why did I hate being called that? I wasn’t ever like that to him. But instead of saying it outloud, I just kept quiet and stood next to him the whole time. Damn you mood swings. It was like that for the night, I stayed by him because well, I was told to and that I couldn’t sit anywhere else because of the smell of alcohol everywhere. They didn’t even drink that much, why was it so strong?

Even the smell of it coming from their cups made me gag a bit. My brain was swirling until Doyoung proposed we take a road trip up the hills on the outskirts of town. I could barely handle the smell of alcohol in the house, so I was relieved when he mentioned something about going outdoors. It was that moment that we headed into the car, piling in one by one. Then we realized that we didn’t have any space for me in the SUV.

“Damn, do we have to leave her here?”

“Shut up, no we don’t. Um… (Y/N)…” Jaehyun said as he patted his lap. Suddenly, my cheeks turned red. Why was my heart suddenly beating so fast? Why did it suddenly hurt? The car erupted in little cheers and ‘whoops’ as I took a seat on his lap, closing the door before it was locked by a pretty sober Taeyong. 

As conversation went on in the car, I looked out the window to calm myself from my surroundings. And then I was tapped on the shoulder. 

“Hey (Y/N), you don’t look too well. Do you wanted to be taken home?”

“Mmm, no.. I’m… I’m fine. Really. Just out of it for the night.”

“Are you sure? You’re really pale and slightly out of breath. Do you need the window opened a little?” Upon his words, the window opened just a bit to let in fresh cool air into the car, which made the breathing a bit easier on my part. 

“That’s better…Thank you, Jae.”

“Of course, whatever little miss sunshine so desires,” he said with a cheesy smile, patting my belly gently as another blush crept on my cheeks. Before anymore teasing or crude jokes could be thrown at us, we finally arrive on top a high hill. As we got out of the van, the air hit my senses. It relieved the my cloudy mind and my heavy heart, giving myself time to breath before I went over to what the boys were marveling about. And that’s when I spotted the most gorgeous view of the city. The different colors of light covered the area in dots, lines of neon decorated the night, and the beautiful dark blue sky complimented those random bursts of colors that changed every second.

And then I felt a pair of arms encircle around my waist, making me squeal and I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

“Ey, relax. It’s just me.”

“Dear god, why did you scare me like that?”

“Because it’s kinda cute~” His smile could make me faint at any moment. He was legit making my heart beat so fast that I could actually die. But why should I care if I pass out? Was this what it’s like to be in love? To the point where feelings were so strong, nothing else even mattered but the person who was holding you? It made my brain swirl again, to the point where I’m shaking in his arms. 

This kind-hearted boy next door stole my heart. I wouldn’t be afraid to admit that. And if anything could cure my heart from my sickness, it would be him. but why was I too chicken to say it outloud? I’m so afraid of telling him because even spilling my emotions was dangerous. I extreme emotion was too dangerous for me to admit or or even feel. But I’m only human.

“Jeez, did I jumpscare you that badly?” God, that voice. It was so sweet, sweeter than honey. And those gorgeous eyes. I could look into them forever and I would never find my way out of them. What did he see through his eyes? What was I to him?

“Why you say that?”

“Your heart is beating really fast, also that you’re really pale.”

‘Fuck, he noticed,’ my mind said. Did he know was going on?

“No, I’m fine. Swear.”

“Well, then I guess this is the perfect time to tell you this.” Suddenly, my heart skipped a couple beats. Was this real king happening? What if this was the end of our friendship? Someone who I suddenly became close to after my diagnosis? 

“(Y/N), do you think this is the perfect time to say I love you?”

Then suddenly, everything went dark. I couldn’t feel anything. But soon I woke up to the smell of latex. My eyes opened up slowly to a hospital room with only myself in it. 

“This place again?” I said to myself. The window’s blinds were drawn so I couldn’t see anything out of it. I’ve lost my sense of time. And the only noise I can hear was some quiet talking outside the room.

“What happened last night, Jaehyun?”

“We were just up on a hill and.. she just collapsed.”

“You do understand her condition right?”

“What? Why didn’t she tell me? I didn’t even know…”

My heart clenched and beated rapidly. I felt like I just betrayed my friend. I lied to him all this time and what kind of a friend does that make me? I hid my heart condition from him after all these months and I didn’t even have the heart to tell him what was wrong with me. My mood swings, why I was so introverted, and this. And to top it all off, I fell in love with him. But who would love someone who lied to them?

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, and then someone opened the door. I expected my parents to walk through, asking me if I was ok now, what was I feeling. But to my surprise, Jaehyun walked in. Was he gonna curse at me? Tell me why did I lie to him? Or even worse, why did he even tell me I love you.

“Hey..”

He was silent at my call to him. The sudden pause made the room feel awkward. The air was beginning to get heavy, almost hard for me to breathe. Then suddenly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The tears that built up in my eyes began to spill. I couldn’t hold the truth for much longer.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I lied about being ok. I know I should’ve told you sooner but I didn’t want you to worry about me… Please understand. Please don’t be mad at me…”

I choked through my words of apology. How would he even accept me? That was until I heard his own silent sobs. I looked up to see him at the edge of my bedside wiping up his own tears.

“Why did you hide it? I feel so guilty for bringing you with me last night…”

“But why do you feel so guilty? I lied to you about my health.”

“I feel guilty because I should’ve protected you. You couldn’t even breathe, (Y/N). I was so scared of the fact that you could’ve died.”

The tears stopped falling from my eyes. I could only stare at him as he turned his head to get a better look at me. I must look like a mess from the way he looked at me. But then he cracked a little smile at me, reaching over to my hair to tuck it behind my ear. 

“Hey now. You’re so pretty when you cry. But you would look even more beautiful if you didn’t.”

A sudden chuckle came out of my lips, wiping up my tears and holding onto his hand with my free one. I didn’t even hold hands with him before. It felt like it fit in my own.

“That’s so cheesy.”

“You know it, babe.” Woah. Babe? How faster could my heart get?

“Jae? Is it this the perfect time to say I love you?”

After getting discharged from the hospital after three days, I went back to school pretty strong. The average looks from everybody staring at me, judging me, and probably worse. It was all back to normal. Or so I thought. Jaehyun wasn’t there and neither was his friend group. Everything felt out of place.

That was until Sicheng and Yuta came up to me before I went home for the day and handed me a blindfold.

“This better not be some prank, Yuta.”

“Why do I always get in trouble?”

“That’s besides the point. Anyway, just put on the blindfold, promise we won’t kill you. You’ll like what we prepared~”

“For the first time in forever, I never would trust Sicheng.”

Hesitantly, I put it on. I reached my hands out until I smacked someone, hearing a little ‘ow’ before I was guided somewhere. It seemed like we headed down the atrium to a case of stairs, seeming like it was taking forever. My heart began to weaken a bit, but before I could give in, I was guided through a door. A sudden breeze brushed past me and through my hair. But the air still felt warm. And then my blindfold was taken off to reveal that I was on top of the roof.

“But why would you two take me here?”

“Turn around and see for yourself.”

I took their word and I turned to see Jaehyun on a stool with a guitar. He has never looked so beautiful. So perfect. But what made my heart beat even faster is the fact that the song he sang was the my favorite love song. I didn’t even realize that I got closer to him, his features gotten more defined as I came closer and closer. His voice we even more perfect as he sang to me. What did this all mean?

But as he ended his song, his hand reached out to cup my face. His hands were so warm. And he pulled me close to his face, and our lips touched. His lips were even warmer. 

The sudden cheers and ‘whoops’ made me pull back in embarrassment, hiding behind my hands as my heart began to race. In a good way of course. And then, Jaehyun suddenly spoke.

“For the last few months, this gorgeous young lady has stolen my heart from day one. She’s someone who unexpectedly became my best friend, who understood what it was like to be in pain. But what made her strong was the fact that she was able to pull through, just for me and for her family. She even hid the fact that she was in pain, just for me to not worry about her. And then she was able to see the brightside of life, why she should live longer, and why it was worth it. Because she was worth something to the boy next door who didn’t know that he needed her. (Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes. Yes yes yes, a thousand times yes!”

Even through my misery and pain, after all what I believed my life was, I finally found someone else who was worth all my love and all my life.

[psychicdinneranon-blog]

Five Times Shou Eats Something He Shouldn’t (And 1 Time He Doesn’t)

This is part 5 of a series based off the MiB AU! From bakanohealthy and qcatter Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6

(Fifth time: In which Shou eats a dirty sock and plays with Ritsu.)

When Ritsu heard a loud knock at his window, he didn’t startle. He just kicked out his chair to give him just enough reach for the blinds and flung them open, letting a wave of light into the room.

Shou invisibly phased through the window and plopped both into existence and onto his friend’s bed. He chirped what Ritsu assumed must have been a hello, though it was almost lost in the tweeting of birds that echoed around the word.

“Hey Suzuki.” Ritsu smiled warmly before he gestured to the mess on the desk that he was organizing. “Look I am not sure how much you’ll want to hang around today. I need to get a bunch of chores done before mom and dad come back from shopping.”

Shou leaned back on the bed, his feet dangled off the edge as he stared up at the ceiling. “That’s fine I don’t mind hanging out while you clean.”

He looked up a little from where he lay, watching as Ritsu finished getting all of his pens and pencils into their proper spots and not wherever he had randomly thrown them. He even spotted a spoon in his pencil cup and quickly stashed it into the side drawer.

“Okay, if that’s what you want. So how have you been? And I saw that text of yours, did you spend all night making Hamstar that new hidey hole?”

Shou grinned widely and shifted his positon a bit so that he could see his friend. He watched as Ritsu grabbed one of those wet cleaning clothes to wipe away the dust that had accumulated on his desk.

“Well yeah.” Ritsu gave Shou a Look and Shou squeaked out a laugh, bringing one of his hands to rub at the back of his neck. “Okay so I slept a few hours before then. But then I found this awesome blueprint and you know how it is to get lost in a project.”

Ritsu shook his head with a small smile towards his friend. “The day you sleep through the entire night, will be the same day that the sun stops shining.”

Shou gasped dramatically and threw his hands over his heart. “Ritsu! Don’t even joke about such a horrible thing! I need the sun for warmth!”

Ritsu snickered at his friend’s antics and finished up with his desk. Then he motioned for Shou to follow him as he left the room.

“Okay what do we need to do for the chores?” Shou asked as he trotted after his friend.

“Well, I have to finish up the laundry, do the dishes from last night and then vacuum the living room. Once that’s done we can watch that video you were telling me about. What was it called again?”

Shou leaned against the doorframe as he watched Ritsu open up the dryer and washing machine. “Life After People, it’s really cool to see everything decompose or disintegrate.”

Ritsu reached into the washing machine and took out a pile clothes, chucking them into the dryer as quick as he could. He never had liked the feel of wet fabric on his skin.

“Of course you would like something that tells you how long things will last if everyone disappeared.”

Ritsu reached into the washing machine again and bent down to put another armful into the dryer, however he was met with Shou’s grin splitting across his sunrise colored face.

Instead of startling backwards at the sudden sight of three starchild eyes watching him, and the fact that Shou had seemingly teleported into the dryer; Ritsu gave Shou an unimpressed look. But before he could question his friend on just why he thought it would be a good idea to climb into the dryer- and how he even fit into the dryer in the first place, Shou chirped a laugh.

“Hey, hey Ritsu turn the dryer on!” Shou tweeted excitedly, wiggling a little against the wet clothes. And Ritsu took a moment to be thankful that starkids didn’t get dirty when they switched between forms, he would hate to have to wash the clothes again.

“Wha- Suzuki are you sure that is safe?”

Shou’s grin drooped a little but he shook his head ferociously. “Yeah it’s totally safe! I’ve gone through the dryer a few times before and been fine.”

Ritsu hesitated for a moment. And so Shou seized his chance. “Besides, if I don’t want to be in there anymore I’ll just phase out. Easy.” He made his three eyes as wide and cute as he possibly could.

“Okay, but scooch over I need to get the rest of the load in.”

Shou eagerly did as he was told and within the next few minutes Ritsu could hear Shou’s trumpeting laughter in time with the cycling of the dryer.

Ritsu walked back to the kitchen and turned on the sink, readying the dishes. After all he might as well knock down another chore while he waited for his friend to be done with his fun.

He had finished the dishes and was wandering around the kitchen looking for anything else he had to do when the dryer beeped to let him know that it was done. Ritsu glanced around and noticed that while Shou’s elephant laughter had stopped he still had not reappeared. He chuckled softly to himself, guessing that Shou was just seeping up any and all extra warmth from the dryer.

He threw the dryer door open to see a colorful Shou covered with- now thankfully dry, clothes. Shou grinned dizzily at him from his position under the clothes as Ritsu reached in to grab at the pile.

Shou phased out of the dryer, tumbling out into a summersault onto the floor while Ritsu gathered the fabric in his arms and dumped it onto the reclining chair in the living room to sort out later. Shou eagerly hopped after him and perched on the back of the chair.

Then just as suddenly he flung himself off of it and divebombed the couch. Ritsu turned to look at his friend curiously. He knew that Shou was more than happy to bounce off of things, but usually he stayed on them for more than a couple of seconds. Shou looked back at him and then smiled and blinked all three of his eyes slowly.

Ritsu mimicked him before asking just why he had launched away so quickly.

“Oh that. Well it’s your brother’s chair.”

Shou said this so matter of factly that Ritsu forgot for a second that Shou had never really been around to see his brother sitting in said particular chair.

“Wait, how do you know?”

Shou shrugged and flicked a tail towards said chair in question. “It’s got his energy all over it. Can’t you see?”

Ritsu turned to face the chair and squinted, his power lighting up his eyes. He could see the fuzzy outline of something hovering around the chair, a sort of bluish purple at its thickest points.

“Oh.” Ritsu gasped, he had never realized that his brother left energy around the house.

“You’ve got it on you too, but your’s is different.” Shou suddenly smiled widely. “Your energy is this prettier blue like the sky just at sunset. His is like… like the sky at midnight with no city lights and just a few clouds. You can see that it could be really colorful. The clouds are this dark purple and the stars can be anything, red, blue, yellow, you name it it’s there. But his is so dark that like the stars you only get to see pinpricks of the color and light.”

Shou turned to face Ritsu a soft smile playing across his mouth. “But you show off everything. That’s why your energy’s prettier.”

“Thank you Suzuki.”

He wasn’t really sure how to respond other than that. The compliment felt genuine. Yes that seemed like a good word. How even if he were being compared to his brother, he was being compared on his own merits.

Ritsu turned around and snagged the vacuum from the cleaning closet. He plugged it into the socket and turned it on.

Once he did so the thought that it was louder than he remembered crossed his mind. However Ritsu continued to vacuum as far as the cord would let him reach. When he turned off the vacuum and continued to hear the buzzing noise he suddenly realized just why it had been louder.

Or well, who had been adding to the sound.

From his positon on the couch Shou buzzed back at the vacuum. Ritsu rolled his eyes.

“Suzuki you can help if you’re bored.”

Shou sat upright on the couch, and Ritsu was reminded of the way Teruki would sometimes sit after he just finished “grooming” out his energy.

“Sure Ritsu! What do you want me to do?”

Ritsu waved a hand at some of the room’s furniture. “Move the couch so I can get underneath it.”

“Too easy!” Shou grinned and floated off the couch. He grabbed it and lifted it three feet across the room as easily as if carrying a jug of milk. Ritsu stepped up behind him ready to vacuum the area Shou had just opened up.

And underneath the couch was a small pile of plastic wrappers and other forgotten items, including a lone dirty sock that had been kicked carelessly under the couch.

Ritsu sighed and set the vacuum cleaner aside and turned to snag the broom and dustpan from the hall closet when he suddenly heard Shou speak.

“Hey Ritsu this sock isn’t important right?”

Ritsu turned around to look at his friend, who had moved over towards the dusty pile. “No, I don’t think we even own the other half.”

“Cool!” And then without warning Shou swooped down and plucked the sock out from its place in the pile and swallowed it down whole.

Ritsu gaped at the sight of Shou eating not only a sock, but a dirty one. He was almost at a loss for words. “Ah Suzuki,” He paused trying to figure out exactly what he would say to his friend before just giving up. Even with separate species some questions just had to be asked.

“Why did you just eat a dirty sock?”

“What? You said it wasn’t important, besides fabric tastes good.” Shou tilted his head a little confused at the reaction of his friend. After all the soft pillowy taste of fabric was akin to bread fresh from the oven.

“Yeah but…” Ritsu trailed off unsure of what to say. Didn’t dirtiness make a difference? He wasn’t sure. Maybe his brother would know. But for now, he looked back up at his friend.

“Do you want something to eat from the fridge? We can make lunch together.” After all he was almost done vacuuming and as long as Shou was around he could move the couch all he liked.

“Sure!” Shou answered easily with a happy popping of fire in his voice.

The two put the couch back and went into the kitchen where Ritsu quickly made the two of them sandwiches. He gave Shou’s a generous helping of lunchmeat, cheese and lettuce. He had no worries that Shou would be able to eat it; his friend had swallowed down much larger things whole before.

Shou snagged his plate from Ritsu before Ritsu was able to set it down in front of him. He supposed he had guessed right in Shou being hungry because he tore through the sandwich with as much gusto as a tornado through concrete.

Ritsu sat down and ate his sandwich. He listened to Shou chatter about the last episode of that Life After People show he had watched. Shou seemed to take great delight in regaling Ritsu with all the ways monuments and buildings could fall apart. Shou even made a couple of disintegrating puns that were so bad Ritsu just shook his head at his sandwich.

Shou, who was already laughing from telling a pun, laughed harder at his friend’s reaction.

Once dinner was done Ritsu got up and took the dishes over to the sink. He made a mental note to wash them after he watched the episode with Shou.

Then Shou’s tail, which had twined around one of the chair legs accidently brushed across the back of Ritsu’s knee as he was walking back to the table. A giggle escaped from him unbidden and Shou’s face lit up with a devious smile.

“So Ritsu, are you ticklish?~” Shou singsonged, drawing out the words as he inched closer to his friend. His arms were lifted and Ritsu could see where this was going.

Thankfully Ritsu had a plan for something like this.

He turned and ran back to his room as fast as his feet, and powers, could take him.

“You won’t get away so easily Ritsu!” Shou shrieked with laughter and floated idly along after his friend. Even with Ritsu’s powers he knew he had the upper hand.

He could phase through phase through physical matter after all. And Ritsu couldn’t.

Shou found Ritsu in his room obviously hiding a hand behind his back. The other was outstretched in front of him as if that would be enough to keep Shou away.

“Ritsu, Ritsu, Ritsu you know you won’t be able to fend me off with just that.” Shou purred playfully. He gave an all over body wiggle before pouncing onto Ritsu, aiming for any and all ticklish tender spots.

“Ahaha, no, haha!” Ritsu gasped with laughter as he draw out his secret weapon and rubbed it fiendishly across Shou’s starform.

Shou jolted as the strange feeling crept through him and he jumped back as a howl of laughter sprung from his mouth. “Wha-“ He was cut off as Ritsu dove in for the attack and rubbed the static-y balloon again across Shou’s body.

Anywhere it touched it tickled him, just as he had aimed to do to Ritsu. Shou’s laughter grew louder as he reached out to try and desperately strike back.

However Ritsu had successfully turned the tables on Shou and was able to easily dart away with every jab. And with a fierce grin on his face he reduced Shou to a puddle of a starchild, clutching his sides in helpless laughter.

[virglows]

Ex-boyfriends

♥︎ Give me things to stay awake ♥︎ 10k by embodied

It’s shitty and it’s counterproductive and it’s self-indulgent, but he lets it become a thing. On Saturday nights Harry goes out and gets so pissed he can’t stand, and when the bartender cuts him off he rings Louis and is in his car within an hour. It’s not a cycle he’s proud of, but it’s also something he can’t resist, and he keeps doing it as long as Louis keeps showing up. AU. It's been a year since Louis broke up with Harry.

♣︎ I have your dreams (and your teeth marks) ♣︎ 118k by aloqueera 

Louis and Harry don't believe in second chances, but sometimes it feels like the universe does. A Music Industry/Getting Back Together AU.

He remembers how they were, always, Louis and Harry, Harry and Louis. He remembers the late nights and the lie ins, all the words they gave each other. He remembers how Harry would look at him like he hung the moon, and like he knew Louis’d done it just for him. He remembers it all. The problem, he thinks, is that he remembers how it fell apart, too.

♦︎ Tell Me How To Feel About You Now ♦︎ 38k by justyrae

Louis thought it would feel different once he got to LA. He knew it was best for him; a fresh start as far away as he could get. But when the plane touched down and he stepped out into the hot air around LAX, Louis felt exactly the same.

There's still a hole in his chest where his heart used to be; ripped away even after trying for so many years to keep it from happening. He knows it's not all his fault, not by a mile, but it doesn't stop him from blaming himself for it all going wrong.

If he'd just stayed strong, if he'd said no when he said yes, maybe everything would be different.

Or, Harry has been trying to convince Louis to date him for years, but Louis has always been wary of Harry’s fairly obvious commitment issues. Louis eventually gives him a chance, opening his heart up to the one thing he fears.

♠︎ Now That It's Over ♠︎ 8k by lululawrence

“What are the odds we would both be at Mariano’s on a Thursday night?”

Louis’ shoulders tensed. What the hell was he doing here?

“Harry? Hi? The odds are pretty crazy, yeah.”

Harry smiled down at Louis the way he used to, but there was also a glint in his eye that Louis absolutely did not like. Harry was also dressed in his favorite black and white striped women’s jeans and a printed shirt only he would ever be able to pull off. It was quite rude of him to come and interrupt Louis, particularly while looking so good. Louis hadn’t seen him since he’d finished moving his shit out of what was once their shared flat, so this being the first time seeing him wasn’t exactly providence in Louis’ mind.

Or the one where Harry and Louis broke up two months ago, and Harry just might be sabotaging Louis' dates.

♥︎ Emperor's New Clothes ♥︎ 92k by sunsetmog

The fact that Louis’s most precious belonging was a cat with a face like thunder and an uncanny ability to cover every single inch of Louis’s clothing with cat hair was something that Louis chose not to think about too much.

or: Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

♣︎ everything comes back to you ♣︎ 29k by amory

Louis lets out a shuddering breath. “I love you,” he says.

“Fuck you,” Harry replies.

“You know that I’ve always loved you,” Louis continues, not stopping to acknowledge what Harry’s said.

Harry shakes his head. “I know, but sometimes I wonder if that ever went past us just growing up together. We were never apart Louis, never for so many years, and the minute we were you just left me. So sometimes, when I let myself think about it, I think maybe that’s why we don’t work. You were just so used to loving me because you didn’t know anything else.”

Louis and Harry, best friends since before either of them can remember, broke up four years ago. Louis has achieved his dreams of becoming the next big thing while Harry has stayed back, dedicating himself to his studies. Both are content to forget what they had together, until a tragedy brings them right back into each other's lives.

♦︎ Far Away. ♦︎ 57k  by dimpled_halo

Harry swallows hard, clearing his throat. “Hi Lou,” he says, looking at Louis reluctantly. He’s even more gorgeous than he remembers, so much, he feels uneasy looking directly at him, he’s so beautiful. Louis looks at Harry, does a quick once-over and smiles, eyes so bright and blue—just how Harry remembers. “Harold!” He gets up out of his seat and embraces him into a warm hug. It’s a friendly platonic hug; one that ends way too soon. Harry wishes it would last longer so that he can breathe Louis in and memorize his new but somehow still familiar scent. It instantly leaves his body aching for more.

**** Harry returns to London after five years. Stuck in the past with "what ifs" and "what might have beens", he sees that his friends and ex (and possible love of his life) Louis have all moved on with their lives while he finds himself questioning his own life choices, past and present.

♠︎ The End Should Be A Good One ♠︎ 43k by bananasandboots

It doesn't feel like falling in love, the way it had felt the first time around, easy, simple, almost like floating, wrapped up in a whirlwind of touches and kisses, late nights spent laughing breathlessly into each other's skin. This feels broken, complicated, like every move carries the weight of their past. Like the floorboards beneath them could collapse at any moment. This doesn't feel good.

Or, the one where Harry loses the love of his life on New Years Eve and finds him again, six months later, ready to open some poorly-stitched wounds.

♥︎ Core 'ngrato ♥︎ 49k by Velvetoscar

It's been over a year since Louis broke up with Harry and Harry still believes in forever. And maybe the world does, too.

♣︎ Over Again ♣︎ 53k by sincewewereeighteen

When Harry moved out of Doncaster at the age of 18, he left behind way more than a box of memories buried in his backyard. Fast-forward many years and he's happy again in Los Angeles. And he's got things figured out. And his life is complete. And then he sees Louis again, which may change things a little bit.

This is not a story about not getting over your high-school boyfriend. This is a story about moving on, about knowing that your first love can be just that- your first love. But it's also a story about falling for the same person again - at a different age, at a different time, in a different circumstance. Simply because it's meant to be.

♦︎ Falling Into Place ♦︎ 40k by summerwine

Louis let the hot tears stream down his cheeks as he leaned forward to attach their lips. He pressed into Harry’s soft bottom lip and brought one hand to scratch at Harry’s curls. Harry traced his tongue lightly against Louis’ top lip and gently pried his mouth open to deepen the kiss. Every emotion from the past few months was poured into the intensity of the embrace. 

Every swipe of the tongue was an apology and every soft whimper was forgiveness.

or

Louis and Harry spend nine years apart but inevitably find their way back to each other.

♠︎ our shoulders, necks (used to fit so well together) ♠︎ 22k by deadspy

It was like a bucket of ice water being thrown on me without warning, then being warmed up by a lover’s hands, like seeing the sunset for the first time, like breathing, like wanting, he thinks. “It was like he’d never been gone,” he says instead.

[Louis and Harry fall in love and fall apart, Harry goes to London for the first time in five years, Louis owns a record label and thinks way too much, and Zayn gives excellent cuddles (and advice).]

♥︎ all the lights are full of colour ♥︎ 26k by infinitelymint

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

Or, Harry and Louis are separated, but for the sake of their two sons, they choose to spend Christmas together. It may just lead to a Christmas miracle.

♦︎ Play It Back and Press Rewind ♦︎ 22k by crimsontheory

Harry and Louis were high school sweethearts until Louis broke it off when he moved away for uni. Ten years later they both return to their small hometown for a funeral.

[purecommemasolitude]

#he just wanted to belong and be liked and he got one taste of happiness before being brutally murdered#the second he got finally accepted by the people who'd relentlessly bullied him for years the second he was finally loved#it was all torn away#and he was murdered in the same way that he'd been tormented his whole life. even in death he couldn't escape it#he got maybe five minutes of happiness before being thrown back into the same cycle#(listened to nerdy prudes must die (song) and got emotional voice)#also jon matteson is such a good actor severely underrated

adding my tags actually he makes me so sad

head in my hands you guys ever think about richie lipschitz