#he gets to sit in the canoe later if he behaves well

[transient-winds]

where u belong

[kookie-doughs]

Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader -Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything was now ruined.

CHAPTER 7: FIRST DAY OF CAMP

Word of the bathroom incident spread immediately. Wherever we went, campers pointed at us and murmured something about toilet water. Or maybe they were just staring at Annabeth, who was still pretty much dripping wet. She showed me a few more places: the metal shop (where kids were forging their own swords), the arts-and-crafts room (where satyrs were sandblasting a giant marble statue of a goat-man), and the climbing wall, which actually consisted of two facing walls that shook violently, dropped boulders, sprayed lava, and clashed together if you didn't get to the top fast enough. Finally we returned to the canoeing lake, where the trail led back to the cabins. "I've got training to do," Annabeth said flatly. "Dinner's at seven-thirty. Just follow your cabin to the mess hall." "Annabeth, I'm sorry about the toilets." "Whatever." "It wasn't my fault." She looked at us skeptically, and I realized it might've been my fault. I may have made water shoot out of the bathroom fixtures and made the ground shake. I didn't understand how. "You need to talk to the Oracle, both of you." Annabeth said. "Who?" "Not who. What. The Oracle. I'll ask Chiron." Percy stared into the lake, I rested my head on his shoulder wishing somebody would give me a straight answer for once. I wasn't expecting anybody to be looking back at me from the bottom, so my heart skipped a beat when I noticed two teenage girls sitting cross-legged at the base of the pier, about twenty feet below. They wore blue jeans and shimmering green T-shirts, and their brown hair floated loose around their shoulders as minnows darted in and out. They smiled and waved as if I were a long-lost friend. I didn't know what else to do. I waved back. "Don't encourage them," Annabeth warned. "Naiads are terrible flirts." "Naiads," Percy repeated, feeling completely overwhelmed. "That's it. I want to go home now." Annabeth frowned. "Don't you get it, Percy? You are home. This is the only safe place on earth for kids like us." "You mean, mentally disturbed kids?" "I mean not human. Not totally human, anyway. Half-human." "Half-human and half-what?" "I think you know." "God," I said. "Half-god." Annabeth nodded. "Your father isn't dead, Percy. And one of your parent isn't your parent, Y/N. You are both a child of one of the Olympians. " "That's... crazy." "Is it? What's the most common thing gods did in the old stories? They ran around falling in love with humans and having kids with them. Do you think they've changed their habits in the last few millennia?" "But those are just— But if all the kids here are half-gods—" "Demigods," Annabeth said. "That's the official term. Or half-bloods." "Then who's your dad?" Her hands tightened around the pier railing. I got the feeling we'd just trespassed on a sensitive subject. "My dad is a professor at West Point," she said. "I haven't seen him since I was very small. He teaches American history." "He's human." "What? You assume it has to be a male god who finds a human female attractive? How sexist is that?" "Who's your mom, then?" "Cabin six." "Meaning?" Annabeth straightened. "Athena. Goddess of wisdom and battle." Okay, I thought. Why not? "And who's mine?" "You grew up with both a mother and a father. So only your Olympian parent knows." "And my dad?" "Undetermined," Annabeth said, "like I told you before. Nobody knows." "Except my mother. She knew." "Maybe not, Percy. Gods don't always reveal their identities." "My dad would have. He loved her." Annabeth gave me a cautious look. She didn't want to burst my bubble. "Maybe you're right. Maybe he'll send a sign. That's the only way to know for sure: your father has to send you a sign claiming you as his son. Sometimes it happens." "You mean sometimes it doesn't?" Annabeth ran her palm along the rail. "The gods are busy. They have a lot of kids and they don't always... Well, sometimes they don't care about us, Percy. They ignore us." I thought about some of the kids I'd seen in the Hermes cabin, teenagers who looked sullen and depressed, as if they were waiting for a call that would never come. But gods should behave better. Whoever my Olympian parent better suck up and claim me or I will show him. "So I'm stuck here," Percy said. "That's it? For the rest of my life?" "It depends," Annabeth said. "Some campers only stay the summer. If you're a child of Aphrodite or Demeter, you're probably not a real powerful force. The monsters might ignore you, so you can get by with a few months of summer training and live in the mortal world the rest of the year. But for some of us, it's too dangerous to leave. We're year-rounders. In the mortal world, we attract monsters. They sense us. They come to challenge us. Most of the time, they'll ignore us until we're old enough to cause trouble—about ten or eleven years old, but after that, most demigods either make their way here, or they get killed off. A few manage to survive in the outside world and become famous. Believe me, if I told you the names, you'd know them. Some don't even realize they're demigods. But very, very few are like that." "So monsters can't get in here?" Annabeth shook her head. "Not unless they're intentionally stocked in the woods or specially summoned by somebody on the inside." "Why would anybody want to summon a monster?" "Practice fights. Practical jokes." "Practical jokes?" "The point is, the borders are sealed to keep mortals and monsters out. From the outside, mortals look into the valley and see nothing unusual, just a strawberry farm." "So... you're a year-rounder?" Annabeth nodded. From under the collar of her T-shirt she pulled a leather necklace with five clay beads of different colors. It was just like Luke's, except Annabeth's also had a big gold ring strung on it, like a college ring. "I've been here since I was seven," she said. "Every August, on the last day of summer session, you get a bead for surviving another year. I've been here longer than most of the counselors, and they're all in college." "Why did you come so young?" She twisted the ring on her necklace. "None of your business." "Oh." I stood there for a minute in uncomfortable silence. "So... I could just walk out of here right now if I wanted to?" "It would be suicide, but you could, with Mr. D's or Chiron's permission." "I've never had anything weird going on. I had a perfectly normal life." "It's because you don't give much of a half-blood scent. Even Grover didn't knew you were one of us until you came here. Even now they still don't smell you." "I just... want to go somewhere... else." I could see that Percy was guilty. "They wouldn't give permission until the end of the summer session unless..." "Unless?" "You were granted a quest. But that hardly ever happens. The last time..."

Her voice trailed off. I could tell from her tone that the last time hadn't gone well. "Back in the sick room," Percy said, "when you were feeding me that stuff—" "Ambrosia." "Yeah. You asked me something about the summer solstice." Annabeth's shoulders tensed. "So you do know something?" "Well... no. Back at my old school, I overheard Grover and Chiron talking about it. Grover mentioned the summer solstice. He said something like we didn't have much time, because of the deadline. What did that mean?" She clenched her fists. "I wish I knew. Chiron and the satyrs, they know, but they won't tell me. Something is wrong in Olympus, something pretty major. Last time I was there, everything seemed so normal." "You've been to Olympus?" "Some of us year-rounders—Luke and Clarisse and I and a few others—we took a field trip during winter solstice. That's when the gods have their big annual council." "But... how did you get there?" "The Long Island Railroad, of course. You get off at Penn Station. Empire State Building, special elevator to the six hundredth floor." She looked at us like she was sure I must know this already. "You are a New Yorker, right?" "Oh, sure." As far as I knew, there were only a hundred and two floors in the Empire State Building, but I decided not to point that out. "Right after we visited," Annabeth continued, "the weather got weird, as if the gods had started fighting. A couple of times since, I've overheard satyrs talking. The best I can figure out is that something important was stolen. And if it isn't returned by summer solstice, there's going to be trouble. When you came, I was hoping... I mean— Athena can get along with just about anybody, except for Ares. And of course she's got the rivalry with Poseidon. But, I mean, aside from that, I thought we could work together. I thought you might know something." I shook my head. I wished I could help her, but I felt too hungry and tired and mentally overloaded to ask any more questions. "I've got to get a quest," Annabeth muttered to herself. "I'm not too young. If they would just tell me the problem..." I could smell barbecue smoke coming from somewhere nearby. Annabeth must've heard my stomach growl. She told me to go on, she'd catch me later. I left her on the pier, tracing her finger across the rail as if drawing a battle plan. Back at cabin eleven, everybody was talking and horsing around, waiting for dinner. For the first time, I noticed that a lot of the campers had similar features: sharp noses, upturned eyebrows, mischievous smiles. They were the kind of kids that teachers would peg as troublemakers. Thankfully, nobody paid much attention to us as we walked in. Percy left me to settle at his spot while I sat at mine. Luke, came over. He had the Hermes family resemblance, too. It was marred by that scar on his right cheek, but his smile was intact. "I hope you settle in just fine," he said. "And here, I stole you some toiletries from the camp store." He had a very friendly and welcoming aura around him, I couldn't help but giggle, "Thanks." "No prob." Luke sat next to me. "Tough first day?" "I don't belong here," I said. "From what I've heard about other campers. I had a perfectly normal life. Nothing weird... I-I don't even believe in Gods..." "Yeah," he said. "That's how we all started. Once you start believing in them? It doesn't get any easier." The bitterness in his voice surprised me, because Luke seemed like a pretty easygoing guy. He looked like he could handle just about anything. "So your dad is Hermes?" I asked. He pulled a switchblade out of his back pocket, but he just scraped the mud off the sole of his sandal. "Yeah. Hermes." "The wing-footed messenger guy." "That's him. Messengers. Medicine. Travelers, merchants, thieves. Anybody who uses the roads. That's why you're here, enjoying cabin eleven's hospitality. Hermes isn't picky about who he sponsors." I figured Luke didn't mean to call me a nobody. He just had a lot on his mind. "You ever meet your dad?" I asked. "Once." I waited, thinking that if he wanted to tell me, he'd tell me. Apparently, he didn't. I wondered if the story had anything to do with how he got his scar. Luke looked up and managed a smile. "Don't worry about it, Y/N. The campers here, they're mostly good people. After all, we're extended family, right? We take care of each other." He seemed to understand how lost I felt, and I was grateful for that, because an older guy like him—even if he was a counselor—should've steered clear of an uncool middle-schooler like me. But Luke had welcomed me into the cabin. He'd even stolen me some toiletries, which was the nicest thing anybody had done for me all day keeping Percy's works. I decided to ask him my last big question, the one that had been bothering me all afternoon. "Clarisse, from Ares, was joking about me and Percy being 'Big Three' material. Then Annabeth... twice, she said I might be 'the one.' She said I should talk to the Oracle. What was that all about?" Luke folded his knife. "I hate prophecies." "What do you mean?" His face twitched around the scar. "Let's just say I messed things up for everybody else. The last two years, ever since my trip to the Garden of the Hesperides went sour, Chiron hasn't allowed any more quests. Annabeth's been dying to get out into the world. She pestered Chiron so much he finally told her he already knew her fate. He'd had a prophecy from the Oracle. He wouldn't tell her the whole thing, but he said Annabeth wasn't destined to go on a quest yet. She had to wait until... somebody special came to the camp." "Somebody special?" "Don't worry about it, kid," Luke said. "Annabeth wants to think every new camper who comes through here is the omen she's been waiting for." I didn't know why... but I grabbed his hand, he turned to me surprised. "I-I... Uhm, I want to get to know you better... I... I'm here if you want to talk. A-As a thank you for helping me since I got here! I-I..." He gave a warm smile and ruffled my hair. "Thank you. Now, come on, it's dinnertime." The moment he said it, a horn blew in the distance. Luke yelled, "Eleven, fall in!" The whole cabin, about twenty of us, filed into the commons yard. We lined up in order of seniority, so of course I was dead last with Percy. Campers came from the other cabins, too, except for the three empty cabins at the end, and cabin eight, which had looked normal in the daytime, but was now starting to glow silver as the sun went down. "Percy," "Hmm?" "Are you okay?" I was about to grip his sleeve when he moved away. "I'm sorry... I'll tell you after dinner." I looked at him sadly while he thought to himself. We marched up the hill to the mess hall pavilion. Satyrs joined us from the meadow. Naiads emerged from the canoeing lake. A few other girls came out of the woods— and when I say out of the woods, I mean straight out of the woods. I saw one girl, about nine or ten years old, melt from the side of a maple tree and come skipping up the hill. In all, there were maybe a hundred campers, a few dozen satyrs, and a dozen assorted wood nymphs and naiads. At the pavilion, torches blazed around the marble columns. A central fire burned in a bronze brazier the size of a bathtub. Each cabin had its own table, covered in white cloth trimmed in purple. Four of the tables were empty, but cabin eleven's was way overcrowded. I had to squeeze on to the edge of a bench with half my butt hanging off. I saw Grover sitting at table twelve with Mr. D, a few satyrs, and a couple of plump blond boys who looked just like Mr. D. Chiron stood to one side, the picnic table being way too small for a centaur. Annabeth sat at table six with a bunch of serious-looking athletic kids, all with her gray eyes and honey-blond hair. Clarisse sat behind me at Ares's table. She'd apparently gotten over being hosed down, because she was laughing and belching right alongside her friends. Finally, Chiron pounded his hoof against the marble floor of the pavilion, and everybody fell silent. He raised a glass. "To the gods!" Everybody else raised their glasses. "To the gods!" Wood nymphs came forward with platters of food: grapes, apples, strawberries, cheese, fresh bread, and yes, barbecue! Percy sat beside other kids of the Hermes cabin. My glass was empty, but Luke said, "Speak to it. Whatever you want—nonalcoholic, of course." I said, "(Favorite Drink; F/D)." The glass filled with sparkling caramel liquid. Then I had an idea. "F/C F/D." The drink turned a violent shade of F/C. I took a cautious sip. Perfect.. . . . . I drank a toast to my loved ones. They're not gone, I told myself. I felt like I was forgetting something. Like I know I will get too them all soon. "Here you go," Luke said, handing me a platter of smoked brisket. I loaded my plate and was about to take a big bite when I noticed everybody getting up, carrying their plates toward the fire in the center of the pavilion. I wondered if they were going for dessert or something. "Come on," Luke told me. As I got closer, I saw that everyone was taking a portion of their meal and dropping it into the fire, the ripest strawberry, the juiciest slice of beef, the warmest, most buttery roll. Luke murmured in my ear, "Burnt offerings for the gods. They like the smell." "You're kidding." His look warned me not to take this lightly, but I couldn't help wondering why an immortal, all-powerful being would like the smell of burning food. Luke approached the fire, bowed his head, and tossed in a cluster of fat red grapes. "Hermes." I was next. I wished I knew what god's name to say. Finally, I made a silent plea. Whoever you better claim me, or I will come for you and you won't like what I'll do. I scraped a big slice of brisket into the flames. When I caught a whiff of the smoke, I didn't gag. It smelled nothing like burning food. It smelled of hot chocolate and fresh-baked brownies, hamburgers on the grill and wildflowers, and a hundred other good things that shouldn't have gone well together, but did. I could almost believe the gods could live off that smoke. When everybody had returned to their seats and finished eating their meals, Chiron pounded his hoof again for our attention. Mr. D got up with a huge sigh. "Yes, I suppose I'd better say hello to all you brats. Well, hello. Our activities director, Chiron, says the next capture the flag is Friday. Cabin five presently holds the laurels." A bunch of ugly cheering rose from the Ares table. "Personally," Mr. D continued, "I couldn't care less, but congratulations. Also, I should tell you that we have a new campers today. Peter Johnson and (Wrong Name)." Chiron murmured something. "Er, Percy Jackson and Y/N L/N," Mr. D corrected. "That's right. Hurrah, and all that. Now run along to your silly campfire. Go on." Everybody cheered. We all headed down toward the amphitheater, where Apollo's cabin led a sing-along. We sang camp songs about the gods and ate s'mores and joked around, and the funny thing was, I didn't feel that anyone was staring at me anymore. I went up to Percy. "What's wrong?" He sighed. "I... I feel like everything... All of this," He signaled at everything, "happened because you met me. When you told Annabeth about your life and how nothing had been going wrong, while I had trouble following me every step... I couldn't help but feel guilty." I knew it... He felt at fault. Taking his hand I looked at him, "I chose to be with you at the beach. I wanted to follow you. I wanted to stay with you. Yeah, troubles came and I lost everything... I would rather have you with me through that. Please?" He rested his head on my shoulder, "Yeah..." Later in the evening, when the sparks from the campfire were curling into a starry sky, the conch horn blew again, and we all filed back to our cabins. It was late at night some were asleep, while some were screaming around. I stayed up looking out the window since Luke had warned me about going out. "Long day, how was it?" Luke greeted taking the spot beside me. "Almost had my face flushed down on smelly toilets, so real fun I guess." Luke rested his back against the window and looked at the two boys wrestling each other few feet away. "You know how you told me you wanted to get to know me more?" "Yeah... I mean it. You're the first person I met here. From what I heard you helped me after getting here." "So you feel obligated to get closer to me?" He raised a brow at me with a smirk. "No, I think you're interesting. I want us to be friends. I want to be a person you can trust." "Why?" "I... don't know. I guess I just want to. I mean yeah I also low-key kinda have a crush on you but oh well." I joked. Hearing his laugh I was relieved he was a cool guy. "I'll keep you in mind." "Really now? Okay dream of me I guess." "For a 12 year old you're a flirt." He shook his head with a smile. "It's my mom, she told me the best way to make friends is by flirting. If they're cool with you flirting they're perfect candidate for a friend, if they aren't, you'll have an awkward friendship." "I don't know about that." "I know right? Imagine teaching a 5 year old how to flirt." We laughed. We continued to chat about little things until it got quiet in the cabin. Most of them were now asleep. Percy slept as soon as he lied down, after all. "Good night." Luke smiled. "Yeah, good night." I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I collapsed on the bed. When I closed my eyes, I fell asleep instantly. That was my first day at Camp Half-Blood. I already felt like I belong. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all...

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I am in love with Luke I'm sorry Here's another chapter Another horirble caphetr UwU -kookie-doughs

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[thejosh1980]

Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell: Epilogue

Epilogue (Or should I say, EPIC-LOGUE!)

If you can believe it, camp actually got better after that. Heck, I’d ever go as far as to say it was half- decent! Now that I’d been through my crazy adventure, most of the stuff I dreaded before didn’t bug me so much (except singing in front of the mess hall. Those moments will haunt me forever.) Now, the days were filled with canoeing, fishing, and roasting marshmallows around the campfire. For the other campers, at least. Hobag put us right to work making amends for all the damage we’d done, shoveling snow and putting cabins back together log by log. We got to build a campfire, at least, but this one was made from all the evidence of Bob-Sardoth’s horrible reign. 

Why she let us do the funner stuff after everything we did was anybody’s guess. Maybe Bob-Sardoth had scrambled her brain a bit. 

           Still, that didn’t mean there were a few surprises left in store. For one, singing the chaunt of Bob-Sardoth, even if only partway through, did some odd things to my body. My teeth were sharp triangles, and where my bog toes used to be, I now had the sharp sickle claw of a deinonychus. Yeah, my parents would probably be freaked out, but it was nothing puberty couldn’t explain. 

But my favorite had to be when one day, I was picking up oars on the lakeshore, when who did I see paddling through the water but my old pal Bokrug!

“Dude! Where you been?!” I screamed, the waterfowl making his way to the shore.

Turned out, he’d retired from the whole LARP geese gig and had his bones transferred over to the lake. He’d also had a talk with Hoebag, suggesting  that, maybe, just maybe, we didn’t have to spend half an hour singing in front of that stupid mess hall! And you ever happen to come across Camp Sham today, you can probably find him still there, dabbing for algae in the lake. Also, tell him I said hi. Its’ been awhile.

As for the sponge dinosaurs, I have no idea where they ran off to. Maybe they froze to death, though I’ve heard some of the campers never behaved quite right after returning home. Started roaming in heards and eating five times their weight in lettuce every day. 

And Hilda…

           Since our talk with Hobag, Shatner and I had kinda been avoiding her, even after our big heart-to-heart. Didn’t help we were in charge of cleaning up the mess made by Bob-Sardoth’s reign, so the more akward parts of our relationship were always fresh in the mind.

That being said, I did see her exactly one more time before the summer ended. It was the last day of camp and that dreaded blooper reel was playing on the projector, which had amazingly survived the gulag days. Not too keen on seeing my folks and spawn of Satan little brother laugh their butt off at my expense, I’d slunk off to that hard, concrete, chlorine scented cell that was the camp bathroom. There, wondering what creepy crawlies might be going about the unclean ground, I heard a voice in the neighboring stall.

“Hey, Wonky Watt.”

It was a good five seconds before I made my reply.

“Hi, Hilda.”

“Now, I-I know I’ve said this before, but I’m sorry. And goodbye.”

My heart clenched. Yeah, Hilda had done some dumb crap, but hadn’t we all, during that crazy summer?

“Goodbye, too, I guess. Where are you going, now that this dumb camp is over, anyway?”

“Well, I’m no longer chained to Bob-Sardoth, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do without him always being on my case. Can’t go to school, being a space fart and all that.”

“Lucky. School sucks.”

“And maybe one day you’ll see how amazing it is you get an education at all. As for me, I gotta figure myself out. Probably someplace far away from here.”

“New Jersey?”

“I was thinking Jupiter.”

“How are you gonna get there?”

“I’ll walk.”

I shrugged. Made about as much sense as anything else that summer.

“And what about you? What’s your big plan?”

“Video games.”

“Knew it.”

For a spell we sat there in silence, not quite sure what to say. She broke the ice.

“How’s Shatner?”

“Still angry I left him for the tigers.”

“Figures.”

Now, the Shatster and I became friends again eventually, but for the time being, he wasn’t too keen on talking to me.

“Well, I guess this is it. Have a good rest of your summer.” She said.

“Have a good summer.” I replied.

And that was that.

Well, not quite. Before she left, I snuck back to my parent’s car, where my reward for good behavior, the one, the only, the Nintendo DS lay waiting. Returning to the bathroom, I split that thing right down the middle!

Well, Hilda did. My arms were too weak.

“Here. I know things are weird now, but maybe we’ll get over this when we’re old. And when that happens, we can play together!”

Hilda just stared at the gift I’d given her. Probably shocked I gave her the lower half of the DS, which as any kid knows is the best part.

Then she started laughing, and kept laughing until I figured her lungs might jump out her throat.

You ever heard a sentient fart laugh? Like a big bang of electric joy on a Ferris wheel. Something that feels like forever, but is gone in an instant. 

Kinda like the summer, really.

“See you too, Watterson!”

One puff of smelly, smelly smoke later, Hilda was gone.

It was weird. Barely knew the girl, yet something clenched in my heart on seeing her go. Something that made me stay in the bathroom for hours, staring up at moths beating their heads against the flickering light above, until a counselor barged in looking for me.

           I guess it’s’ time I told you a little truth about Hilda: that’s not her actual name. I forgot it awhile back; Hilda is just what I remember it sounding like. Yet every now and then, I’ll be sitting in my room, or riding my bike, and I’ll wonder what she’s up to, going to Jupiter and all that.

Barely even noticed when Mom pulled me to the car. I just stared out the back window as camp shrunk into a little dot on the horizon. Funny thing is, only as that wretched gulag sank out of sight over the horizon did it strike me I’d probably never see the place again. That all my crazy adventures over the summer would be forever be buried at there, never to return. Or would they? Because maybe camp wasn’t just singing outside the mess hall, or arts and crafts, or mosquito bites. Maybe it was the memories you made going through Hell with other people your age, memories that lasted long after the Salisbury Steak was chained back to its frozen tomb in the basement. Maybe people spent too much time chasing the DS at the end of the rainbow and forgot the friends right in front of them until it was too late.

Woulda made me right sappy, until I realized that there was a valuable lesson about friendship. 

The exact kind of thing Hoebag woulda wanted me to learn.

I got real red in the face right then and there, let me tell ya!

That stupid bi-!

                                                     THE END!

(To all of you who’ve read this far, thank you. Nature Trail to Hell has been a passion project I’ve worked on on and off since 2017, and while this might not be the last draft, knowing people stuck with this to the end makes me really happy. That being said, this is not the last we’ve heard of Watterson Tostig and Friends, or even this story. Expect some more stuff coming in the future!)

[peterpan-ouat-imagines]

More Than Human: Part five

I begin coughing up water and I’m laying on my back which makes no sense because I thought I was in the middle of a transformation.  I sit up and look around and I’m in a low lit lagoon laying on a large rock that bulges into my back.  There’s a nice pristine blue waterfall and the water hole opens up so you can get to the rest of the sea.  It is so grungy with the dark rocky cliffs despite the water that almost glows it’s so blue.

I see some girls treading water and talking on the other side of the water hole where I am. I slowly sit up and slide in the water and swim over to them.

As I get closer I see they all have long greenish-bluish tails, “Ah shit!” I say a little too loud freaked out and I figure out where I am.

Mermaid Lagoon.

I heard stuff about how terrifying mermaids are but my father always told me that a petite girl who isn’t even a full fish can’t be scary so I don’t let any of the rumors get to me.

They turn from my comment, “Oh you’re awake,” this girl my age with chestnuts brown hair and body jewelry says unamused as she turns to me. Her tan skin doesn’t compliment her in the low lighting.

“Blaire don’t be rude!” This 14 year old tells her. Her long blonde waves and pale complexion with freckles on her face makes her look pretty.

“Can someone tell me how I got here? I was in the middle of-“

“Drowning to death?” The girl Blaire cuts me off abruptly, “Yeah Annabelle here saved you. Consider yourself lucky,”

“Drowning? I’m lucky? What do you mean?” I ask genuinely confused.

“Don’t play dumb, clearly your part fish or something. A real human wouldn’t have such slimy legs,” she comments and smiles rudely, “I know a thing or two about sea creatures,”

“And I know a thing or two about bitchy mermaids,” I smile mean back.

“Who are you?” The girl Annabelle asks dreamily changing the subject.

“Y/n,” I say.

“What are you though?” Blaire asks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I smirk, “Anyway thank you for saving me but I need to go,” I turn around about to swim out.

“You’ll want to stay here,” Blaire tells me.

“And why is that?” I ask turning to face her.

“Annabelle made the mistake of bringing you in, but now that I have my eyes on you, and understand somewhat of what you are, we can use it to both our advantage,” she answers.

“And how does staying in this grungy pool help me?” I ask.

“If you stay here we can teach you how to create a fin from those legs and keep it that way,” she explains.

I chuckle, “I’m not a mermaid, and I know better than to trust one,”

“So you don’t want to get your gills back? No matter what species you are?” She questions.

“Of course I want to be myself again, but I’m not trusting mermaids to teach me. All you guys do are lie and deceive,” I explain, “What’s even in it for you guys to do that anyway?”

“That’s confidential,” she tells me with a straight face, “Anyway I guess you will remain like how you are... maybe forever,” she taunts.

I look away and bite my lip contemplating what she said. This might be the only way I can be myself again. This could be a whole lie to get something out of me or use me but it’s the best chance I’ve had of transforming since Pan banned me.

“Okay fine.  I’ll do it,” I state.

“Good choice,” she slowly smirks, “Now come with us,” the two of them start swimming to the waterfall as they separate from the others and I follow them.

“But we really do need to know what you are to move forward,” Annabelle tells me once we reach the waterfall.

I stay silent.

Blaire rolls her eyes. Annabelle just stays there with a stupid smile clearly not understanding how her kind is supposed to behave.

“Fine. But to help with transforming back into your natural form you’ll eventually have to share ,” Blaire huffs, “Now relax and listen,”

“You’re going to hold our hands and we are going to swim to the bottom of the lagoon,” Annabelle explains.

“That’s suicide!” I exclaim.

“You did it once already,” she tells me.

“That’s because!” I begin but know the truth will sound stupid and let out a sigh, “Fine let’s do it,” I huff and I grab both their hands.  Before I can hold my breath I’m being plunged under.

Luckily I can hold my breath very long but after a while my lungs start to give out. I start gagging hard and try to swim back up but they’re grip only gets tighter.  I fight and fight but it is all deja vu as my head gets light.  

I miraculously break free from one of their hands and kick the other in the face causing her to let go. I gasp for air panting as I burst out of the water.

Moments later they pop up, “Ow!  You kicked my nose!” Blaire complains.

“Don’t act like you weren’t asking for it!  You two literally were drowning me!” I exclaim.

“Well that’s just something we do, drown people,” Annabelle comments.

“How do you drown people?” I ask them.

“Why do you ask?” Annabelle answers.

“Because I’m curious,” I tell her.

“Well it’s pretty straight forward, just do what we did with you. Usually we seek out people because there aren’t a lot of visitors,” she explains.

“When I said we could help you be whatever you are we weren’t lying, we can do that and teach you how to drown or whatever you do to kill,” Blaire tells me with her hand holding where I kicked her nose.

“What makes you think I kill?” I ask.

“Your short tempered, snarky, and violent. Anyway, you seem like a smart girl, and you were able to break free from both us when we dragged you under.  That can work,” Blaire tells me.

“How do we begin?” I ask.

“Knowing how you’ve acted since you came, you clearly aren’t anything good,” she tells me.

“Excuse me?” I scoff.

“I just told you all the reasons you can’t be nice to others, do I have to repeat myself? Or show you my bruised nose as another reminder? So what are you? A siren? Kraken?” She questions.

“A kraken? That is so rude!” I exclaim offended.  I sigh, “I’m a sea serpent” I finally admit.

“A sea serpent? Interesting...” She says intrigued.

“A sea serpent? Ew!” Annabelle exclaims.

“Look can you help me or no?” I ask impatiently.

“Alright but we need someone else to come and help you, because not just anyone can deal with something that powerful.  Oh wait, you aren’t capable of being strong and powerful,” Blaire laughs, “Wait here,” 

Blaire swims off and Annabelle follows.  Five minutes later they come back with this other mermaid with long black hair and tan skin, “Y/n, this is Lola, she can best help you,” she tells me.

She looks me up and down, “Now what caused you to be full on human?” She asks.

I cross my arms slowly and pause for a moment looking down, “A stupid crush,” I mutter.

She laughs at me, “You wasted your identity on a silly guy?”

“I feel stupid enough about it already! I don’t need you to mock me!” I get angry.

“Alright don’t be such a baby,” she tells me, “Now if I can tell you how to begin our first lesson?” she looks at me and I nod for her to continue, “I want you to get angry,” she tells me.

“Angry?  You don’t think I’m not  already angry that I can’t turn back?  Or that I’m stuck here with a bunch of mean girls?” I ask heated.

“You are but you aren’t mad enough.  Keep going with this.  Why else are you mad?” she asks to keep me going.

“Because everyone I have ever loved has pushed me away and left me unwanted and I just want to be alone for once and I don’t want to deal with all this dumb bullshit you are all putting me through!” I exclaim.

She keeps pissing me off and giving me mean critiques which makes me even madder.  It actually starts helping how I feel but nothing physical happens.

Later on she starts a new lesson, “Alright, now I want you to learn how to kill.  Since you can’t do it your way you are going to do it our way,”

I panic on the inside not knowing how I am going to make this work, knowing I am about to look like an idiot.  She leads me out to the open sea and points over at a sailor alone in a canoe and tells me to watch. I watch from a distance and she slaps the boat hard with her tail several times until it turtles over and she drags the man down underneath.  She comes up a couple minutes later and swims back.

I stare in amazement, “That looks amazing Lola but you’re forgetting I don’t have gills, I can’t breathe underwater,” I tell her.

“You can hold your breath for a long time though, I heard about what Blaire and Annabelle did.  If you can hold it for the amount of time you were underwater, that should be long enough to drown someone.  I mean 4 minutes?  Now go try it on that pirate that is about to walk off that ship,” she says.

I slowly and nervously swim towards him and my body shakes.  I look back at her nervously when I’m right by him and she motions me to go on.  I yank his body down until he falls in the water and start swimming downwards, dragging him underneath.  I look back at him and see him suffocating and his eyelids come to a close and I feel horrible but at this point its killed or be killed so I keep going till I see he is unconscious. My throat gets to the point I can’t pay attention and need air and I release him. I swim up dying for air barely conscious and start gasping at the top.

When I reach above I’m exhausted and breathless panting non stop. It hits me that I actually drowned that person! That was a lot more effective than what I normally do! I feel incredible.  I swim over to Lola.

“You did alright for your first time,” she says.

Days go by and she continues training me and I start feeling more powerful. I start getting to know all the mermaids and they aren’t all that bad and I get along with those.

I’m in the lagoon treading water next to Lola one day, “We still haven’t gone over what happens once I am a serpent, how do I transform back and forth?” I ask her.

“I’m glad you brought that up, that’s today’s lesson,” she smiles with a glimmer of deviousness, “So the trick for that is you have to tune in on one emotion and that emotion alone whether it’s hate, envy, whatever,” she tells me.

“I tried that, I couldn’t.  You know I almost died trying to do it myself!”

“Clearly you didn’t try hard enough.  You have shown the past days there is plenty you are mad about.  Just use one of those to think of,” she explains, “Like that boy your still love sick over,”

“I’m not love sick. I’m just trying to get over him still,” As I begin thinking of what drives me volatile, I get picked up and dragged up on land.  I turn around and get furious.

“What the fuck Pan! Get off me!” I yell and push him back.

He lets go and I stand up, “Don’t shout at me I’m saving you! What the hell are you doing with these girls?” he demands.

“These girls are my friends, they're helping me become-” I begin.

“Become a mermaid?” he finishes my sentence.  I look confused as a school of mermaids swim over.

“Hi Peter!” They smile and bat their eyes.

I ignore them, “Pan, you’ve messed with my head enough, you hurt me, please just go,” My heart breaks telling him to leave.

“Y/n,” he takes a step closer to me, “I messed up, I know that, but you can’t deny there isn’t something here between us.  You said it yourself up at Dead Man’s Peak,”

“Wait, Peter Pan is the guy that your so hung up on?  That explains so much,” Lola says.

I stand still staring in his green eyes trying to come up with a reason for him to be wrong but my mind is blank, “Pan, I want you, really, but it isn’t right!  I’m a freaking, well you know!  And I can’t even control changing back into it!”

“So if I did this you wouldn’t respond the same?” he leans in and kisses me softly.

I try to pull myself away but I can’t help but melt into it.  His arms embrace my body.  He finally pulls away.

I look down and start getting insecure “Pan why would you like me? I’m a slimy mean creature that lurks to kill. I’m nothing classy or pretty. Hell I can’t even control my transformations”

He takes my hands in his and lifts my chin so my eyes meet his, “You’re not though. You are kind, you’re brave, and you’re not afraid to not do as I say which I have to admit is kinda hot.   I can help you with switching back and forth. Just come back,”

I turn to Lola, “What did he mean when he said that you were all going to turn me into a mermaid?”

“Nothing, he’s lying, he just wants you back,” she huffs a little too dramatically.

“I find that hard to believe because mermaids are the main tricksters I know.  I know who will tell me,” I walk over to Annabelle and kneel down to be at her level, “Do you know what the actual reason for that is?” I ask smiling.

“Yeah!  You see apparently I was taught that if someone needs help being there other half, like how you are a sea serpent, we pretend that we are helping you but really trying to turn you into a full on mermaid like us,” she smiles.

“ANNABELLE!” everyone shouts mad at her and she cowers down.

The whole lagoon goes silent for a good 10 seconds until finally Lola speaks, “Since the secret is out, I guess I’ll say she’s right, and it was awfully easy considering you share the same qualities that we do,”

I feel betrayed and it shows on my face, I thought these people were my friends but they just stab me in the back like that.

“Don’t look so surprised, you’re the one who said mermaids aren’t to be trusted to begin with,” She tells me deadpan.

I turn back to Pan defeated and hug him, “Thanks for coming back,”

“So does that mean you will come back with me?” 

“Yes, of course I will,” I smile.

“So what? Do you just want to be nothing? Just a person?” One of the mermaids ask.

I look at Pan and back at her, “I’ll be able to figure it out without your conniving help,”

I take Pan’s hand and he whisks us away to Dead Mans Peak.

“Pan what are we doing here?” I ask looking down as we are on the edge of the cliff and my bones shake, “I don’t like this! I’m afraid of heights!  You know that!”

He pulls me close holding me in front of him, “I want to promise you that I will always protect you and be there when you need me. Never forget that,” he kisses me, “Especially now I know you were hung up on me,” he adds teasing.

“Shut up,” I laugh.

He pulls me away from the edge, “Now let’s have some fun!”

[codys-epi-pen]

Underrated Total Drama Friendships

( I think most of these were never ever expanded on in later seasons but they might’ve been I have a shitty memory correct me if I’m wrong.)

Eva/Noah- I think they only teamed up in TDDDI but like,,,I’m interested in their friendship like does Noah sit on Eva’s back and read while she does push-ups? Do they talk shit? I wanna know

Courtney/Bridgette- in Ep 22 Lindsay says that no one really liked Courtney that much and I’m here to disprove that hot take right now! Bridgette and Courtney hung out, and considering Bridgette is like, the nicest and chill girl on the island, I think it was really great she was friends with Courtney. They talked about the stupid boys in their life, canoed, binged on food together and then it just kind of...disappeared in the later seasons when they did...that to Courtney’s character and reduced Bridgette to just being Geoff’s girlfriend.

Leshawna/Izzy: this is a weird duo and only ever teamed up for the challenge in Ep 18 but it was wild. Izzy could teach Leshawna to tap into her crazy side?? Leshawna could get Izzy out of that god-awful outfit and into some real clothes??? Idk I just thought it was cute and unusual!

Geoff/Gwen- we only ever see this friendship in Ep 21 but it was soooo good. Gwen has unfounded prejudices against Geoff for being popular and well-liked, and Geoff doesn't understand why Gwen is the way she is. And Geoff is super nice to Gwen and tells her that he would invite her to a party if they were in high school :’) and they take a photo when he gets voted off but alas, we never see their friendship again.

Sierra/Cody- listen man these guys had a lot of development throughout TDWT. Yes most of the season is Sierra behaving obsessively towards Cody but she helps him get through like 90% of the challenges. And at the end???? Cody realizes how good Sierra is to him and wants to be her friend even though he isn’t interested in her romantically. I think it’s a nice way to end that arc because their ‘romantic’ relationship was just unhealthy.

Lindsay/Trent- I am HERE for this friendship because it can have a lot of potential outside of canon. Sure Lindsay almost kills Trent in Season 1 and he uses her to make Gwen jealous in Season 2, but just think of the dumbass things they would do. Trent would definitely introduce Lindsay to some different music, Lindsay would help Trent feel comfortable and paint his nails. Ugh I love it.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I have decided to submit a second letter almost immediately following the first. The reason being is:

In my last letter I mentioned that I had met a boy. A boy who loves me for me. And I’ve been afraid to tell people how we got together, because I feel like it was a low-down/dirty thing. But at the same time, it wasn’t.

So, my babe and I actually met through… an ex. The first guy I started dating after my dating hiatus, he was a sweet kid. But, as E (my babe), likes to say “He’s a puppy. Short attention span, and no matter what, everywhere we go he has to sniff everyones butt”. He doesn’t mean it in a mean way necessarily. He means it more that the guy is very social. He’s very nice, he has to say hi to everyone in a room because that’s just his personality. He’s outgoing (people ask me all the time how we even dated, but that’s one of the biggest reasons we broke up). Anyways…

Because he’s so social this boy had wracked up tons of friends. And I mean a whole butt tonne. This boy knew people from all over our area, of varying age groups… Etc.

The first time I met E, was when my ex took me over to meet the older portion of his large group of friends. All were between 2-5 years older than me (my ex and I are same age so, also much older than him). But all super nice, super sweet and super accepting people. We met up at E’s place a few cities away from mine, and we decided to go to a beach relatively nearby. This was when my ex really introduced us. He introduced E as the guy with the "most amazing crazy ex stories". Out of curiousity, I wound up sitting next to E the entire time we were at the beach. We laughed, he told me some crazy stories, we drank a little. We had an incredible and laughter filled night off in our own little bubble. Barely anyone bothered us - not even my ex - and we clicked right away.

He left an impression that - years later - I couldn’t shake.

The next time I saw him was brief, very brief. My ex and I were getting ready to go on a camping trip and E was lending us his canoe. We wound up just going in (I know that sounds bad, but listen, his house is always unlocked and has a doors always open policy. Him and his family just ask you let them know you are there). I got to see his bedroom, see him shirtless. He was… He… Left an impression every time I saw the boy. He rolled out of bed, he helped us load the canoe. We barely spoke. But still. Damn.

The next time we met was at a bar. It was one of my exes birthday, and they were going out to a common hang out - but what was actually a shit hole - in a shit city. I was the DD so I couldn’t drink. My ex promised to stick with me, as public spaces fuck with my anxiety fueled brain. He promised, and as expected, once drunk, could not fulfill. He wandered off and couldn’t understand why I needed someone with me if I knew a lot of the people there already. But I did. It doesn’t matter if I had previously met them. What mattered was I barely knew them. But then, like a goddamn knight in shining armour, E pulls up beside me in the bar. He spends a good portion of the night with me. Striking up conversation, quelling my anxiety, playing pool with me. It was an amazing and fun night. One of the only nights I have ever been truly comfortable and able to enjoy myself at a bar while out with a large group.

But suddenly, I went to grab a soda, and E was gone. He had gone out for a smoke and came back with a determination to avoid me. I wondered all night if I had done something wrong, if I had flirted (which would have been wrong), or said something wrong or did something inappropriate. (I later found out none of this was the case, to a degree. He told me he realized that at the bar he was behaving more like my bf than my actual bf and had a sneaking suspicion that I may have been coming onto him. So he backed off.)

The next time I saw him was at my exes birthday party. Which, was a similar situation, again, to a degree. Same thing, party, drunk people, lots of noise. Tons of anxiety and people I didn’t know. But this time, we were at his house. So I could have easily snuck off and took some alone time. But I couldn’t. My ex - super social, super prone to leaving me hanging high and dry while he wandered off to greet people and strike up conversations with his friends - was annoyed that I seemed to be putting a damper on the evening my disappearing. His friends would notice that I was gone and ask him things about my location and whatnot. And he would come in and find me, more annoyed every time.

E found me eventually and had me sitting under the canopy for a long while discussing movies and his lack of viewing of cinematic classics. To the point where it annoyed my ex that we were talking so much. He pulled me apart from E, and proceeded to give E dirty looks the rest of the night. Every time E and I would start to talk, there was my ex breathing down my neck, looking for any opportunity to enter the conversation and throw us off each other. It almost worked.

The last time before we actually got together that I was E was NYE 2016. My ex wanted to go to E’s annual NYE party*. I was okay with that. I knew I was likely to be left alone by my ex, but that didn’t bother me. This was a party, that specifically E was throwing. So I knew he was going to be there, and I was honestly excited.

In true puppy fashion, overexcited by the large crowd of people, my ex immediately went to do what he does best, sniff peoples butts. He wandered the whole party, and I was expecting as much. I felt overwhelmed at first, but then found E and found comfort in hogging his attention. E made me drinks all night long, let me bum around, made great conversation. He made me feel comfortable. My ex only showed up every once in awhile, simply to drive a wedge between E and I. I don’t blame him, I never did. I wasn’t cheating, but I might as well have been. I found myself thinking of E as my ex and I fell kissed at midnight and I found myself wondering what it would be like to be kissing him instead.

We fell asleep, the next day… I wish I would have known that that would have been my last time seeing him in… years.

Jump forward to July of 2019. From January of 2017 till now, E would pop into my head every once in awhile. As I said before, he made an impression. I would think of his blonde hair, his blue eyes, his charming smile, endless patience… I would think of him as a whole, and I would find myself smiling. I had no real reason to, but even just the thought of the boy made me smile. I found myself…. Smitten by a boy I never even got to kiss.

During the years, I kept up with my ex. We talked every once in awhile. We weren’t friends but we were definitely present in each others lives. We would congratulate one another on stuff, would catch up every once in awhile… He would ask me to sleep with him or join a threesome with him and his new lady because they have an open relationship.

I tried hard for a long time to push E out of my head. Just because my ex and I still spoke, doesn’t mean he would be okay if I asked for E’s number. I didn’t ever think he would be. And I could never figure out what I was going to say if I did start talking to E outside of the confines of social gatherings through my ex. I let sleeping dogs lie. Tried to push him out, tried to move on. But still, I constantly found myself thinking of those baby blues, and those big… soft… lips… And I found myself often just thinking of or hearing his name and grinning like a doofus.

There was a moment, in the beginning of July, where I was driving to work and… There he was. In my head, smiling, baby blues watching me contently. I was in a place where… mentally I had stopped caring about a lot. I found myself thinking to myself… Well, it’s been 2 years or more even. Nothing could hurt asking for his number. The worst ex could do is say no. So there I was. On instagram, asking my ex how E was doing, and if I could have his number.

I reached out to E through text - despite my exes warnings he might not text back - and asked if it was weird I had reached out? I claimed I just wanted to be friends and get to know him, because he used to be the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with. And that’s not a lie! I do enjoy people like him, and feel my life would be considerably better with people like him. He said it was no problem as he often wondered similar things - how I was doing, what I had been up to, how life was treating me. I asked if he wanted to hang out that weekend.

He said he would be home all weekend, and if I wanted to come around on literally any day I was more than welcome to.

I went on Friday evening. He came out looking awkward, shy and adorable. Hands in pockets as he watched me carefully. We went in, it was just him and I. He offered me a drink. I looked as cute as humanly possible.

“Hey, E?”

“Yeah?”

“When would be an ideal time to tell you I had some ulterior motive to coming here tonight?”

“Now? I guess?” He watched me carefully, hesitantly. Sipped on his drink, put it down, and did one of his nervous ticks - which was tightly intertwining his fingers together.

“I came over here because I kind of have a crush on you. I think I have since I was dating ex. And I wanted to see if you felt the same way.”

And he breathed a sigh of relief. See, it was kind of shitty for us to admit, but during the course of my relationship with my ex we clicked. Really clicked. We were genuinely interested in one another. Conversation flowed smoothly, we always laughed, had fun, and he helped with my anxiety a lot.

Both of us were worried as to how my ex would react to us asking for the others number. We weren’t sure if he would swiftly grow to hate us because of the feelings we had pushed down for so long.

E has been single for 8 years, so for him to find someone worth his time is extremely surprising to everyone. I make him happy, and vice versa. So none of his friends - not even my ex - have been judging us or upset with us or looking down at us.

He’s everything I could have asked for and more though. Honestly. He cooks, cleans, hosts me all weekend. Is kind, caring and loving. He is good and patient with me, with my anxiety and depression as well.

It took us two years to get back to one another. And honestly, I think a lot of his friends knew before we did. But it took 2 years, and I genuinely believe that over those two years I had grown to love him in a weird part of my heart. In a big, unused part that felt designated for him, and only him. Now, it just feels like we are playing catch up.

Thanks for listening again Charlie. Sorry for the two letters in one day. I hope no one judges me for this.

Love always,

V

P.S *E throws a NYE party every year. Usually he invites all his friends, and they’re allowed to bring any lonely hearts with them too. His parents are usually somewhere around, sometimes even more of his family too. This is what impresses me… Ready? He makes homemade stuffed crust pizza, he acts as bartender and gives drinks to everyone and anyone. He acts as a kind a gracious host. But, you check your keys at the door. You hand them over. And at the end of the night - after midnight - when you’re good and wasted, there’s somewhere to sleep for you in that house. To avoid the drunk driving. Everyone stays if they drink. No negotiation. In the morning, he gets up and makes everyone breakfast. You help by cleaning up your sleeping area, and help with the tidying up a little. It’s a fantastic NYE tradition, and I’m so happy to help set up, clean up and host this year!

[lovelyyjh]

crazy in love || 3

↬pairing: yoon jeonghan x reader

↬genre: fluff, crack, angst

↬warnings: swearing, fighting, y/n pops off, verkwan continues to meddle, but now they’ve enlisted lesbians to help, hardly proofread

↬word count: 3.7k (a single chapter is never this long for me, i got carried away)

↬a/n: i was writing this on a five hour car drive, and i had nothing better to do, so i just kept writing and we ended up at over three times the amount i usually write so enjoy!! as always, let me know what you think :))

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

“y/n! wake up, it’s time to go!” you were shaken out of your sleep by a voice speaking to you and two large masses crushing your feet. you groaned as your eyes fluttered open, groggily sitting up to see wheein and hwasa sitting at the end of your bed.

“why the hell are you waking me up this early,” you complained, throwing your pillow at the two girls.

“it’s the first day of camp! we’re gonna go get breakfast then we all go canoeing afterwards. after that is the lunch picnic and then free time for the rest of the afternoon. and tonight is movie night so that starts when it gets dark,” hwasa explained, a bright smile on her face.

“fine. but i’m not getting ready until after breakfast,” you said, rolling out of bed and pulling your hair up into a messy bun (it’s y/n she HAS to put her hair in a messy bun at least once, its like the law).

“solar and moonbyul are already there,” wheein said as the three of you walked out of your cabin and down to the mess hall, you still being in your pajamas, which were just an old t-shirt and sweatpants. you sat at the table where all of the boys and the rest of your cabin were. you plopped down in between chan and jihoon, grabbing a muffin from the basket in the center of the table and leaning your head on chan’s shoulder.

“you look like shit, y/n,” soonyoung said through a mouthful of pancake. you shot him a sarcastic smile while flipping him off before taking a bite of your muffin. chan reached around you to pat your shoulder comfortingly, smiling down at you. chan had always been like a little brother to you, just like a majority of the younger boys, but you had always had a soft spot for the youngest. he was going into his freshman year in high school the next year and you always loved giving him advice about school or girls and other things a boy his age would stress over.

“don’t listen to him, he’s being a dick this morning. he’s already dumped water on mingyu’s lap and said he peed himself,” solar told you, “but then wonwoo punched him in the gut, so it worked out.” you hardly acknowledged what she said, still being half asleep. by the time you had just finished your muffin, you saw someone else squish in between you and jihoon.

“good morning, poo butt,” jeonghan chirped, putting his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his hand as he turned to look at you, “sleep well?” you glared at him, using your foot to kick his shin under the table, making him yelp and pout at you.

“what do you want, jeonghan?” you seethed, still scowling at him.

“well, since canoeing is after breakfast, i was going to ask if you wanted to partner with me,” he questioned, beaming at you. you sighed deeply and nodded, now being able to sit up after waking up a little more. he clapped his hands and stood up, starting to go back to where he was sitting before turning to you again, “oh, and soonyoung was right. you do look like shit.”

“oh you little-” a burst of energy hit you as you lunged towards him, jumping onto his back and holding your arm around his neck in a headlock. after a moment, the both of you were in a lighthearted mood as he tried to get you off his back.

“y/n! jeonghan! you are both graduated students, you should know that you can’t act like that in the middle of the mess hall!” one of the counselors, minho, shouted. you swiftly jumped off jeonghan’s back standing next to him as you both put your heads down, “both of you go get ready, and don’t behave like that again.” the two of you nodded and shuffled out of the mess hall. but the second you stepped foot out of the building, you looked at each other for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter and holding onto the other for support. 

“he was so mad!”

“well, if you hadn’t have jumped on me, he wouldn’t have been mad!”

“then you shouldn’t have said i look like shit!”

“but you do!”

“don’t make me attack you again,” you warned, raising your eyebrows challengingly at him. he help his hands up in surrender and shook his head at you.

“okay, okay. but we should go get ready like he said. canoeing starts in forty five minutes. meet me by the tire swing tree in half an hour?” you nodded, waving goodbye to him as you both ran off to your respective cabins.

another 30 minutes later, you were sitting on the tire swing at your designated meeting area, but no sign of jeonghan yet. you huffed impatiently, tapping your foot against one of the tree roots you were standing above. your eyes flitted to the left as you saw something moving out of the corner of your eyes. the second you saw who was there, your heart dropped. 

jeonghan. 

with jinsoul. 

he was apparently helping her put her life jacket on over her bathing suit that was definitely not modest enough for her to be in the presence of the children who were also getting their life jackets on, less than twenty feet away from her. you took a deep breath and began to walk over to the two, holding back your anger and jealousy as best you could. jeonghan noticed you once you came within a few feet of them, turning to look at you with a smile as soon as he finished the last buckle on jinsoul’s life jacket.

“hey, monkey!” you fake smiled at him and waved. jinsoul waved back at you, a genuine smile on her face. she wasn’t a bad person, you knew that. she was actually really nice. you thought you guys would probably be friends if your severe desire for jeonghan didn’t stand in the way all the time. you knew she didn’t mean any harm by flirting with him, he was handsome, and lots of girls did it. she had no idea you liked him, you assumed.

“i was just talking to jeonghan about how we were gonna go out on the canoe together. who are you going with?” jinsoul asked you, tilting her head to the side, which caused her long blonde hair to fall to the side a bit. your eyes widened and you turned towards jeonghan, who just guiltily shrugged and smiled. but you weren’t the only one who was upset by this. a few feet away, also putting his life jacket on, was boo seungkwan. he whipped around and ran to stand beside jinsoul, putting on his best grin.

“actually, jinsoul, i was going to ask if you wanted to go with me! i need to talk to you about something very important,” seungkwan explained, setting a hand on her shoulder and throwing a not-so-discreet wink towards you.

“hey! i thought we were supposed to go together!” a very upset looking vernon whined, walking up to the four of you. seungkwan raised his eyebrows at vernon, shooting his eyes from jeonghan to you. vernon made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth, giving the shorter boy a thumbs up, “i’ll just go with jungeun,” he said pointing over to the silver-haired girl who was waiting a few feet back, probably thinking she was going to go with jinsoul, considering they were best friends. seungkwan held himself back from a jealous outburst, nodding stiffly and curling his lips up in a phony smile.

“alright, perfect! so jinsoul’s with me and jeonghan is with y/n?” seungkwan asked, looking around to all of you. you all three nodded and walked with your respective partners to the lake, vernon and jongeun walking right behind you. as soon as you had all gotten into your canoes, you pushed off and began to float.

“since i’m the guy, and im strong, i’ll row for us,” jeonghan boasted, flexing his arm muscles that were shown off in the sleeveless shirt he was wearing over his swim trunks. you rolled your eyes and reached down to splash water at him, laughing when his hair got wet and fell flat down on his forehead. he groaned and wiped the water that was dripping down his face, flicking it at you.

“well, big strong guy, we’re both rowing since this is a partner activity.” you both took an oar and began to row, not noticing the three canoes following close behind.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

“okay, jinsoul, listen i know you like jeonghan or whatever, but we need to have a talk about that.” seungkwan looked at the girl sitting across from him in the canoe dead in the eyes, a serious expression on his face. she nodded slowly, prompting him to continue, “so you might have the hots for pretty boy, but he’s in love with y/n and she’s in love with him. he just hasn’t come to terms with his feelings yet, but she did about three years ago. so as nice as you seem, i’m gonna need you to bibbity bobbity back the fuck up.” jinsoul laughed, deeply confusing seungkwan.

“i don’t like jeonghan. he’s cute sure, but i don’t have feelings for him. i flirt with him a lot, but that’s because everyone expects me too. and i would be concerned about playing with his feelings, but i know for a fact he doesn’t have feelings for me, thank gods. plus, it’s a good way to cover up the fact that i’m totaly head over heels for jungeun,” jinsoul explained, looking fondly over at the girl who was talking with vernon, “i just wish your friend would stop talking to her all the time.” seungkwan looked back at vernon and jongeun, turning back to jinsoul with wide eyes, his jaw unhinged.

“so you’re..?”

“a lesbian? yes.” jinsoul lauged, “and i know you want jongeun to stop talking to vernon too. i’ve seen the way you look at him,” she said knowingly.

“is it that obvious?” seungkwan asked nervously.

“not really. i just have a really good gaydar. and i know jungeun is bisexual, she’s told me before, but she still hasn’t figured out i like her. vernon is too, and he probably likes you too, he just doesn’t understand it that well.”

“vernon told you that?” jinsoul shook her head, laughing again.

“nope. i just know.” she winked over-exaggeratedly at the very shocked boy in front of her, “now, what’s our plan to get y/n and jeonghan together?”

“well first we need to call over the other members of the operation,” seungkwan told her before clearing his throat and making an overly loud bird sound, hardly drawing the attention of other campers, since they knew it was him, and that’s just how boo seungkwan is. after a few moments, two canoes rowed over to them, one being vernon and jungeun and the other being the very famous junhao, “jinsoul, you know jun and minghao, junhao, you know jinsoul. she’s now in on the operation.” jun, minghao, and vernon nodded, but jungeun looked extremely confused.

“what’s going on? what operation is this?” jinsoul and seungkwan exchanged a look before jinsoul turned to explain everything to jungeun.

“so basically, y/n and jeonghan are in love, y/n knows she likes him, but jeonghan hasn’t comes to terms with his feelings yet, so all of us are going to get them together. of course, you know i don’t actually like jeonghan, so i’m gonna stop the flirting so we can make y/nhan happen and-” seungkwan held up his hand to stop her from talking, before beginning to speak.

“actually, don’t stop flirting with him. in fact, bump it up a notch. we need y/n to be jealous. the more jealous she gets, the more likely she’ll be to snap and tell jeonghan she likes him.” jinsoul nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

“here’s the current situation,” seungkwan began, “y/n can’t swim. and she freaks out anytime she’s in water that she can’t touch the bottom in. so what we’re gonna do is tip their canoe. y/n has a life jacket, so she won’t drown, but she’ll still get scared, so she’ll go to the closest person, which is jeonghan. jun and minghao will distract them while jinsoul, vernon, jungeun, and i will turn over their canoe. does everyone understand?” the other five collectively nodded before rowing to their positions.

“y/n! jeonghan! look, there’s an eagle!” you and jeonghan both turned your heads in the direction of where jun was pointing, trying to see the bird.

“i don’t see any-” you were cut off by your canoe overturning and you and your best friend being thrown into the water. you instantaneously noticed your feet weren’t touching the bottom and you screeched, thrashing towards jeonghan before clinging onto him. he, being taller than you, could touch the bottom, so he wrapped his arms around your hips, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist and hide your face in the crook of his neck.

“you’re such a scaredy-cat, monkey,” he teased, using one of his hands to tickle your side. you pulled back and hit him in the chest weakly.

“you know i can’t swim, you asshole! it’s scary.” he rolled his eyes and booped your nose.

“i’ll teach you sometime. now let’s get back to shore so we can dry you off. he started walking out of the water with you still wrapped around him, setting you down on a bench that was on the shore and going to get a towel before bringing to you and wrapping it around your shoulders, leaving his arm around you and letting you curl into his side.

still on the lake, seungkwan and jinsoul gave each other an accomplished look, high-fiving before going back to rowing through the lake.

step one was a success.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

a few hours later, you sat on a soft blanket, unpacking a basket of sandwiches, chips and sodas for a lunch picnic. your cabin, the ‘pinwheel’, ‘highlight’, and ‘chilli’ cabin were all set up on surrounding blankets, but you were the only one without someone else sharing your blanket. jeonghan was with seungcheol and joshua on a blanket, eating a ham and cheese sandwich. you and jeonghan might be best friends, but the three of them were something else. they were the basic cliche of the tsundere bad boy who rides a moter cycle and wears a leather jacket even in summer, seungcheol; the gentleman, joshua; and the heartthrob, jeonghan. you were perfectly fine with sitting alone, especially since you still had people surrounding you, but you were curious about some of the groups who sat together. seungkwan, vernon, jun, and minghao sat with jinsoul and jongeun, who keep turning back and looking at you before looking away quickly. you didn’t think much of it since verkwan was always up to some weird shit. you only hoped it wouldn’t be something that ended up bad for you.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

“so minghao, you’re going to go get sammy to sit with y/n, and make sure he knows to be very friendly with her. jinsoul, you’re going to invite jeonghan to your blanket which has a perfect view of y/n’s blanket, so y/n will be jealous since you’re with jeonghan and then jeonghan will be jealous since y/n is with sammy. jun, go get our picnic basket since you’re the one who forgot it. seungkwan, jungeun, and i will sit here and make sure nothing goes wrong,” vernon spelled out, before putting his hand in front of him, “hands in, everyone.” five other hands set themselves on top of his. “on three, okay? one, two, three, matchmakers!” after their chant, jinsoul, minghao, and jun got up and went to do their individual jobs.

“you think this is gonna work, seungkwan?” jongeun asked. seungkwan grinned smugly, a proud expression on his face.

“of course it’s gonna work. my plans never go wrong.”

・・・

“y/n? would you mind if i sat with you?” you stopped sipping your soda to look up at the person standing next your blanket. you smiled and nodded, patting the spot next to you, gesturing for sammy to sit down.

“why aren’t you sitting with your cabin?” you asked, popping a chip in your mouth before offering the bag to sammy. he shrugged and took the bag from you.

“i just wanted to catch up with you. we haven’t talked in forever.” you nodded, agreeing with him. as you were talking, you noticed jinsoul crouching down in front of jeonghan’s blanket before taking his hand to lead him to her blanket. deciding to ignore it, you shook your head and continued your conversation with sammy. you wanted to enjoy your lunch without jealousy ruining it. but there was jealousy present within someone else.

jeonghan had sat down with jinsoul, looking up and noticing sammy saying something to make you laugh and immediately turning into a little green-eyed monster. he tried to disregard it, but you kept putting your hand on his shoulder, and he kept making you laugh, and the two of you were subconsciously getting closer and closer. jeonghan was angry. he didn’t exactly know why, but he was. the final straw was when sammy reached around and tickled your sides, causing you to curl up and fall into his arms. jeonghan stood up abruptly, his soda clutched in his hand, and walked up towards you and sammy. as he walked past, he tipped the can over, spilling soda all over the other boy’s lap. you gasped and turned to grab napkins out of your basket.

“oh my gosh, i’m so sorry, simon!” jeonghan said, feigning concern and innocence.

“it’s sammy, and don’t worry about it. just be careful next time,” sammy replied taking a few napkins from you. you started helping him clean up the sticky drink, dabbing the napkins on his legs, getting much too close to him for jeonghan’s liking. he really didn’t think that one through. jeonghan scoffed and stomped back to his blanket with jinsoul, who was extremely proud of herself and the other shippers™.

step two was another success.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

the day was almost over, and everyone was gathered in the large field next to the lake for the first movie night of the summer. you and jeonghan were sitting together, as you usually do when he isn’t sitting with his cabin, who usually end up cuddling during the movie. jihoon hates it, but then soonyoung joins and he hates it a little more (less ;). but tonight, someone was missing from that group. as he had been all day, seungkwan was scheming. it was the last step of the day, and the most simple one. minghao had brought to everyone’s attention that you were a messy eater when it came to ice cream, and jeonghan was extremely neat. as soon as he said this, the entire group understood exactly what he was referring to. so jun had an ice cream sandwich he had brought to you, and the only other thing they had to do was sit back and watch.

you had just opened and bit into the sandwich, eyes on the movie in front of you as you leaned back against jeonghan’s chest. after a few minutes, you had finished all of the treat and you sat up, looking back at the light-haired boy and smiling. he rolled his eyes and pointed to your lips.

“you are such a messy eater.” you reached up to wipe it off before he caught your hand and lowered it down again, “don’t. i’ve got it.” jeonghan looked down at your lips as he reached up and swiped his thumb across the bottom one, collecting the ice cream off of it onto his thumb. he stuck the tip of his thumb in his mouth, licking the melted sugar off of it. you looked down to the ground before he could see you blushing. he chuckled and pulled you back into his chest.

“you’re so mean,” you whined, elbowing him in the stomach.

“you know what i’m curious about?” he asked.

“what?”

“what happens when one of us starts dating. the two of us are so close, our partner would probably be uncomfortable with us always cuddling like this and stuff.” your heart sank at the thought of jeonghan dating someone else.

“i guess we just wouldn’t be around each other as much. why do you ask? do you like someone?” you knew you were just being hopeful in asking this, but you still had to try.

“i was just wondering. and no, i don’t like anyone. do you,” he asked, looking down at you.

“yeah, a little.”

“who?”

“don’t worry about it.”

“tell me who it is.”

“jeonghan, i said don’t worry about it!” you raised your voice at him, sitting up and glaring into his eyes.

“i’m your best friend, i have a right to know!” that’s what set you off. you shot up, throwing the blanket you had over your legs to the ground.

“i don’t have to tell you every little thing about my life just because you’re my best friend! there are some things i just want to keep to myself and you need to understand that. you’re so fucking overbearing and you have no reason to be. i’m my own person, i don’t belong to you. i’m not your girlfriend, i’m not your child, and i’m not your little sister. until you figure out how to be a best friend the right way, stay the hell away from me, you piece of shit.” you turned and sprinted towards your cabin, wiping tears from your eyes. you didn’t really know what you had just done.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

“well that didn’t work out,” jungeun sighed.

“no shit, sherlock,” seungkwan spat sarcastically.

“what are we gonna do?” jinsoul asked worriedly. seungkwan shook his head and shrugged.

“i have no idea. but i do know one thing.”

“what’s that?”

“step three was a total failure.”

prev. // next

masterlist

[bookwyrminspiration]

Dreamlillies and/or Alluveterre?

Oo I'll do both! Haven't gotten these yet so perfect opportunity

Dreamlillies: The last dream you can remember/the weirdest dream you’ve had

Oof I do not have memorable dreams very often! I have a notes app with a few written down, but I only have dreams like every six months so definitely no recent ones. But! I do have a very memorable dream I can share, and it is the earliest dream I ever remember having. Well, it was actually a nightmare I had when I was four that I have never forgotten.

It started off with me and my best friend at the time, Oak, sitting at the edge of this dock in the middle of the ocean (like no land in sight, just flat calm comically blue water as far as you could see) and we were fishing. And Oak caught a shark. I do not know how, but dream logic was that he caught a shark and was starting to reel it in, except the shark was not just some normal shark that behaved like sharks are supposed to. No, it climbed up the ladder (the dock's ladder) and onto the dock, because for some reason it could walk on two legs (well, fins) despite being a shark.

At this point Oak disappears and is gone for the rest of the dream (left me to deal with the shark on my own :( ), and the shark starts to chase me. I don't know what it wanted but it was chasing me down this dock and dream-me was absolutely terrified. It's important to note that I was dressed like Dora the explorer (except for the backpack), because the shark was trying to eat my clothes.

I then passed by my father who was standing along the side of the dock with a metal rake and raking some seaweed out of the ocean. There was no seaweed anywhere except for the small kiddie pool sized patch in front of him, which he was basically just swirling around. The point is that he was very busy and he didn't have time to help me with the shark situation when I screamed at him to help me.

So I kept running, just barely escaping this bipedal shark, and that's when I see the boats.

They are very much not like boats at all and would be horrible irl, but they’re the like sideways kind?? A canoe with steps?? Imagine bleachers, like in a gym or stadium, but even more vertical and also if it was a boat. What’s important is that my mother was on this boat, somewhere near the middle. Another impotent detail is that this boat is my second plan of escape. My father was useless with his seaweed, but perhaps I could get on that boat as it started to approach the end of the dock. There were two of them (identical) side by side and they slid to a stop at the end of the dock, so four year old me was thrilled.

I started running harder, because there was still quite a bit of dock left between me and boats for some reason. I swear it could've been infinite for how much dock there was.

But then. The boats start pulling away from the dock. No one had gotten on or off, they'd just paused for like 15 seconds dream time and were now moving again. Which child me (and current me) thought was very dumb because that made for very ineffective boats. Just a 15 second stop?

It hits child me a moment later, after contemplating the boat stupidity, that if the boat is leaving the dock then I cannot get on the boat where my mother is, and there is no where else to go on this dock.

It is only moments later that the bipedal shark catches up to me, lifts me by my pink Dora the explorer shirt, and takes a big bite out of the fabric. And that is where the dream ended. I lost a race to a bipedal shark and he ate my clothes.

So that's the most memorable dream I've ever had! I think I woke up crying and went straight to my parents to tell them all about this horrible shark that ate my Dora clothes, but whatever happened I have not forgotten it since. I mean this legitimately was one dream I had when I was four years old, and it has been over a decade since then. It has stuck with me. I do have other dreams written down in my notes app that have some intrigue, like this one where I wrote "I'm working with a mysterious man (old colleague??) to get back illegally and my friend and I go to him. (he kinda looks like Count Olaf) but he says that I can't come on the ship because I lost my space shoe."

Dreams are very rare for me so I like to document them, despite how little sense they make

Alluveterre: Your favorite hiding spot

It's not really a hiding spot, but I've got this set up on my bed where I kinda relax and it's very nice. My bed is in a corner and doesn't have a frame, so the mattress is right up against the walls and I can prop pillows and blankets against the wall and make a little seat for myself. That's a very specific one, but I'd say in general my room is where I like to be. I keep it very dark and controlled in here, everything has a place and it's quiet and there's no one else. It's where i'm the most unmasked, where I stim the most, etc. The least sensory input, the most familiarity and control, the most comfort, the most freedom, etc!!

If we're going with a less physical hiding spot then I'd say my daydreams are my favorite thing to escape to. I have a lot of stories and characters in my head and a daydreaming disorder, so it's a little private comfort of mine. It does interfere with my life frequently (as it is a disorder) but I cannot deny how much I like to daydream.