#he filters between so depressed/angry and happy too

[the-bat-bros]

Made the bat family in the Sims 4 and forgot to give Bruce a job. TELL ME WHY the game gave him adoption services PLEASE he already has so many kids.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Reason to Come Back (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Reason to come back

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 3574

Request: "can you do something where seb(or one of his characters)and reader used to date and one day he broke up with her and after a short time he comes up with a new girl(not cheating)and the reader thinks that she’s worthless and not beautiful or good enough and that’s why he broke up with her and tries to be better(you know what to do•_-) and silently suffering etc. and with a happy ending where they get back together"

Warnings: mentions of a breakup, angst, depression, very slight mentions of disordered eating and exercise (very slight, not like most of my other fics), general feelings of worthlessness, angst

Tags: @buckys2thicc @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @barnesplums @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @babyboibucky 

A/N: I AM SO SORRY TO THE ANON THAT REQUESTED THIS SO LONG AGO AND THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I don’t even know if they’re still here, I feel so bad. I got an anon request for this fic and I did not know about the inbox for Tumblr accounts until just recently because I’m incompetent. There’s no excuse for me taking so long to write it, but I wanted to even though it’s been 9 months since they sent it. If you’re still here anon, thank you for sticking with me!

NEW NOTE 06/04/21: I rewrote this to be for Bucky as opposed to Sebastian. It is still mostly the same, just reworded in some places. This is meant to take place in reference to the timeline of tfatws and mentions moments from the show. I am referencing “the time he was gone” as the series episode 1-6. I don’t know how much time passed but I assume it was at least a few weeks if not longer (especially between episodes 5 and 6). That’s how I wrote it.

------------------------

It was a quiet night, you under some blankets on the couch watching a movie. There was an empty bowl aside from a few popcorn kernels on the coffee table in front of you, the movie more for background noise than entertainment. You were scrolling through your phone mindlessly, looking for a distraction that would keep you occupied.

Not that it was working too well. There wasn’t much that could distract you from the fact that you were alone.

9 months. You had dated for 9 months. Not that he had been around for much of it. He had been with Sam on an extended mission, and he had been gone for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about the mission, Bucky wasn’t allowed to tell you. For your safety. You understood. It was his job, you knew that, but it could be lonely most of the time. He would call or text you if he could, but he couldn’t compromise his location. You were always happy to hear from him, but it wasn’t the same as when he was around.

You knew this would happen, and you had accepted that. It was hard, but you could manage.

You hadn’t heard from him in a weeks, but you didn’t think much of it. He and Sam must have gotten closer to the answers they had been looking for. You could only hope that he was safe. it took a toll on you, worrying about him, but you had been so happy when he had said he was coming home. But when he walked through the door, he didn’t seem excited at all.

You had wrapped your arms around him, and he had hesitantly hugged you back gently. You had known something was wrong almost immediately, pulling back and trying to meet his eyes. “Babe? Are you okay?”

“We should talk,” he said, struggling to meet your eyes.

You pulled your eyes together with concern. “Yeah, yeah what’s wrong?”

“I, uh… I don’t know if this is gonna work out.”

You shook your head, surprised. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“I just don’t think you and I work with 1,000 miles between us.”

“What?” you said in disbelief. “You’re the one who has to leave and I told you that I’m okay with it, and I am. I never thought you’d be the one with the problem with it.”

“Y/n -”

“We can work this out, Buck. You said it yourself, you don’t normally go away for that long. I’m not going anywhere, I - ”

“I can’t ask you to stay, y/n,” he said, cutting you off. You shut your mouth and shook your head. “Where is this coming from, what happened?” you asked.

He cleared his throat. “I should go.”

“You don’t get to walk away from this like that!” you exclaimed, nearly yelling.

“And I don’t have the right to expect you to wait for months while I’m out trying to save people. I thought it’d be fine but I couldn’t stop thinking about you here, alone. There’s going to be more missions, more danger. They recreated the serum. Who knows what else they’ll be able to create? You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me! I told you I’m okay with it and I still am, Bucky! I know the risks!” you said, tears pricking your eyes.

He looked away. “You deserve much better than me. Someone who can be there for you.”

You walked up to him and cupped his face. “You’re all I could ever want Bucky. Distance be damned.”

He sighed and pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly for a moment. “I have to go y/n. I’m sorry.”

He let you go and turned around, not even looking back to say goodbye.

That had been a couple of weeks ago. You had been crushed at first, devastated. But you were still able to function in your day-to-day life. You had a few friends to hype you up or cry with you, whatever the day was. You were able to still get to work, try to move on. And it was getting better, but the nights were still hard. It wasn’t the same when you knew he wouldn’t be coming home.

During the day you could pretend like you were waiting for that night when he would be able to call you. But at night, it was dark and you didn’t have a person you wanted to call.

You weren’t bitter, in a way you understood. You had known how relationships could be ruined by distance and work. But being a super soldier wasn’t a typical line of work. You had been okay with it, but you hadn’t thought that it would’ve affected Bucky as much as it seemed to. You had been emotional at the time, but looking back on it you could understand where he was coming from. Relationships were two-sided - just because you felt okay didn’t guarantee he was.

You knew what he did was dangerous. You had accepted that there might not have always been a happy ending. Maybe he hadn’t.

But then one day you had walked into a bar, only to see Bucky flirting with another girl, laughing away..

That was all you needed to see.

You didn’t want to read too much into it, any kind of situation could be misread. But him laughing with a very attractive girl over drinks shortly after becoming single - you couldn’t help but wonder.

You tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter, that you were reading everything wrong, but your heart still felt as though it was breaking.

She was gorgeous. Much more so than you, you had thought.

Was that why he left? Was he just wanting to get himself back out there? Had he met her and just needed to get rid of you?

You didn’t want to think that way, none of it was true. He wouldn’t do that, he was a good man. But still…

Maybe if you were different it would’ve been harder for him to leave.

Maybe you hadn’t given him a good enough reason to stay.

And maybe, if you were better, prettier, he would come back.

It started small - making more of an effort to go to the gym, not ordering takeaways every night, that sort of thing. Not that you had much of an appetite to begin with. But you didn’t realize when your days had become full of going from work to the gym, nor why you had freaked out so much when you had sprained an ankle and couldn’t do your normal workout.

You had decided to work your arms those next few days to supplement the cardio you had missed. You had kept this up until you woke up one morning struggling to turn over because you were so sore. You decided that that day, you could take a rest day.

A rest day turned into a rest week, and soon enough you were only leaving your house to go to work. And only because you needed money.

You had cut yourself off from most of your contacts, still replying every now and then so they wouldn’t be concerned. You didn’t go out with them or call them because you were worried they would see right through you. Better to stay home. Your bed would never judge you.

You had become familiar with the spots on the wall, the streaks from god knows what, the way that light would filter through your window as the sun ascended and descended the sky. Hours could pass and you could still be in the same position.

You had to keep up a front around everyone. Letting people know how much you were hurting was not an option for you. Then they would ask what was wrong and pull you aside and look at you with this concerned face that you couldn’t deal with. It was the one that everyone always gave when someone was having a bad day, the one people put on when they wanted you to think that they cared. Sometimes they did, but most of the time a person with any sense of morals would put that face on to make a person think that they cared. It’s the same way “How are you?” is more of a greeting than a genuine question.

There were people who cared, but you didn’t want to have that conversation. You didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. It was an honest thought of bettering yourself, but it was for the wrong reasons. Trying to be better for Bucky made you realize how much you missed him. How angry you really were at him. But you couldn’t take it out on him, he didn’t deserve that at all, he didn’t earn that. But you were angry at...something, and maybe it was yourself, at letting him walk out that door, of not calling him and leaving him messages. Maybe if you had fought for him he would’ve stayed. If you had said something when he distanced himself.

You felt like this was your fault. And maybe if you changed something about yourself, you would learn from your mistakes.

Not that you knew exactly what you had done or what isolating yourself would fix, or teach you for that matter.

At some point, you must have fallen asleep because your ringtone jolted you awake. You groaned, shutting your eyes again. You would let it go to voicemail, just like all of the others. If it was that important they would text you.

You let it ring, sighing when it had stopped. You readjusted in your bed, trying to fall back asleep. It was a Saturday morning, you had until Monday morning to sleep. You were going to make the most of it.

But then your phone began ringing again.

You opened your eyes again, picking up your phone to see who it was. You dropped the phone when you saw the name

Bucky Barnes

Why the fuck was he calling you? What could he possibly have to say to you?

You watched the phone ring through to voicemail, soon after seeing a voicemail was left. You didn’t bother listening to it, you didn’t need to. You simply rolled over in bed. If it were that important, he would have called sooner.

Bucky’s POV

As the call went to voicemail again, Bucky was confused. He had never known you to miss a call, ever. It wasn’t like you, he knew you would drop anything to take calls. You had said you hated people leaving voicemails because you hated them having to listen to your voicemail message. You had thought your voice had sounded weird. It was one of the little things he remembered about you that made him smile

And realize how royally he had fucked up.

Being away on a mission wasn’t anything new for him, but maintaining a serious relationship for him was. He had never met anyone like you, and he had missed you so much when he had left. He hadn’t felt anything like what he did when you smiled at him since the 40′s. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all he could think about was how much he had missed you. And that made him think about how much you must have missed him.

He felt like he was holding you back in some way. He was used to being away in dangerous situations for periods of time but you weren’t. And no matter how much you had assured him that you were okay with the long-distance relationship, as the months went on he felt guilty for not being able to be there in the way that he wanted to.

In the way you deserved.

He broke up with you because he thought you deserved better than relying on phone calls and texts for months at a time. Someone who could be there all the time for you. Someone who you didn’t have to worry about getting shot when he left for a mission. Someone predictable and reliable. Something he couldn’t always do.

But God, did he miss you.

He regretted walking out that door. He regretted not giving you a better reason, for not calling you or texting you until now, weeks later. The more time went on, the more he felt it would be inappropriate to call you to apologize.

But he couldn’t take it anymore, so he dialed your number. And when it went to voicemail, he had gotten a little worried.

He knew he didn’t have much of a right or reason to be worried, but he had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. So, he decided to reach out to one of your friends.

Hey, is y/n alright?

Why do you want to know?

Look, I know I messed up. I just wanted to apologize and give her the answer she deserves. But she’s not answering my calls.

She doesn’t do phone calls anymore.

What do you mean?

She won’t answer calls. She won’t even come out with us anymore. Something’s up but she denies it.

When did this start?

When do you think?

Bucky’s heart sank to his stomach. This was his fault. And he had to go make it right.

Your POV

You were still in bed, wondering why Bucky had called you. It didn’t make sense to you, for him to call after all of this time. What could he possibly have to say to you? Did he want to inform you of a new girlfriend before the news caught wind of it? Did he want to come up with some dumb excuse to tell you he was sorry?

It made you scoff slightly, but the tug at your heart let you know that it wouldn’t be unwelcome.

You couldn’t deny it. As much as his leaving had hurt you, you missed him more than anything.

You wanted another chance with him, one that you weren’t sure you would get. And the thought of him coming back to you was comforting. Like maybe it wasn’t your fault. Or maybe you had done enough to win him back.

Wishful thinking.

You had lost track of time, once again, but were snapped out of your daze by knocking on your door.

What? Why would anyone be here?

You sighed. It was probably just some random person selling some random product or something.

More knocking. More insistent. You sighed, standing up and silently groaning at the soreness you felt in your body. Not necessarily from overuse, but more so from underuse. You stood you slowly, walking quietly over to your door.

More knocking.

You made it to the door and glanced through the peephole you had, eyes widening and a small gasp leaving your mouth.

Why the fuck was Bucky here?

More knocking.

You ran a hand down your face. Knowing him, he wouldn’t leave. But why did it go from calling straight to ‘I’m coming to your door’? As if he hadn’t been the one to leave you?

More knocking.

You swallowed dryly. “Why are you here?” you called out through the door.

Bucky let out a breath. “I just want to talk to you”

You shook your head on the other side of the door, wondering if you should let him speak. As if he wasn’t already living rent-free in your mind.

“Please y/n.”

You set your face hard, pulling the door open. At least you would get to say your piece to him.

“Now you wanna talk? Fine. Let’s talk.” you said, coldly.

Bucky was slightly taken aback, though he couldn’t blame you. He took in your appearance, exhaustion seeming to overtake you. Dark circles under your eyes, pale skin, you just - all life seemed to be drained from you. He scratched the back of his neck nervously before he asked quietly, “Can I come in?”

You stepped to the side, silently allowing him in, closing the door behind you. You crossed your arms over your chest and shrugged slightly. “What do you want Barnes?

“I’m sorry,” he said. You scoffed slightly, shaking your head and looking away. “Y/n look at me, please. I fucked up.”

“Well it took you long enough to figure that one out didn’t it?” you snapped, looking at him.

“Y/n please -”

“Tell me, when exactly did you figure out that maybe, just maybe, you should say you were sorry?”

“Y/n please - “

“Who was the girl? The one in the bar from a few days after we had broken up? The one you were hitting on over a couple of drinks?”

“The… what?”

“When did you feel the slightest bit of regret? When did you change your mind and decide that you didn’t want to leave?”

“I never wanted to leave you!” he exclaimed. “Can you please just listen to me?”

You looked at him, anger in your eyes but you closed your mouth. You gave him a look that said ‘I’m listening.’

He took a deep breath. “The woman at the bar was an old friend of Sam’s. He had introduced the two of us at one point. I was at a bar one night and and she came over to say hello and stayed for one drink. It’s nothing more than that.”

You took a breath. Situations could definitely be read wrong. You knew it had probably been nothing.

“When we first got together we had talked about me leaving for missions. Long-distance, unpredictable times, dangerous missions. A lot of people have a hard time keeping that going.”

“And I knew that and was okay with it.”

“Let me finish, please.” he pleaded. “I knew you knew the risks but I’m not sure I was as ready as I thought I was. I left and suddenly I couldn’t talk to you because I was worried for your safety. I couldn’t be there for you in all the ways I wanted to be. In all the ways you deserved. I just...you didn’t deserve that. You deserved so much more than that.”

You felt tears prick your eyes. “You already told me that. When you left. What’s really going on?”

He shook his head slightly. “ Sam’s sister had gotten a call with a threat towards her and her children. I couldn’t put you at risk. These people, they were super soldiers just like me. I had a few close calls with serious injuries. And I realized that if I got hurt I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t let you get hurt and I couldn’t let you worry about whether or not I would come home alive. I thought… I thought it’d be less painful for both of us if we stopped seeing each other before that happened.”

You shook your head slightly. “Why couldn’t you tell me that?” you said, a little more softly.

“I don’t know”

You shook your head. “You’re gonna have to do a lot better than I don’t know.”

“I - “ He sighed slightly. “I was scared. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was scared that I was going to lose you.”

“So you gave me up?” you asked.

“And made the biggest mistake of my entire life.”

You looked to the side and bit your lip slightly. “You know I thought it was my fault?” you turned your face back to Bucky’s confused one. “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That if I was enough you wouldn’t have left. Or if I was better you would’ve come back.”

He shook his head and started walking towards you to comfort you. “It was never your fault angel -”

You backed up slightly. “You don’t get to call me that. Not right now, not yet at least.”

He looked hurt slightly, but he nodded. After a few moments of silence, you scoffed slightly.

“You know, as much as I hate to admit it, I fell apart these past few weeks. Told myself that the only thing I wanted and needed was having you come back. And here you are and...I don’t know, Bucky.” you shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or think, you broke up with me because you were afraid of hurting me? I - “ you rubbed your eyes. “I just… I get it, but I just wish we could’ve had this conversation weeks ago, Buck.”

“Does this mean we’re done?” he asked timidly.

“I… I don’t know. I just…. I think i need a little bit of time. Please. Just some time to think.”

He nodded, though he looked slightly disappointed. “Yeah, of course.” you nodded, walking him over to the door, opening it. He turned around. “Is it okay to give you a hug, y/n?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding, letting him wrap his arms around your waist as you looped them around his neck. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, tears forming in your eyes as you realized how much you missed this. How much you needed this. When he went to pull away, you held him a little more tightly before letting him go.

He smiled at you before turning to leave. “Take as much time as you need, y/n.”

You gave him the smallest of smiles back. “I’ll see you later Bucky.”

And with that, you closed the door behind you, not having a clue what any of this meant. This didn’t make it okay by any means, but maybe, just maybe, the two of you could start fresh. Together.

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

Can I have a reaction from the companions when they've had a little too much to drink? What would they be like drunk and how does sole get them to sleep it off? Who's the flirty, giggly, sad or so drunk you can't understand them.

This was an absolutely awesome suggestion 😂 Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy 🥰💙💛

Cait - Is either ready to fight or moping. When F!Sole firsts finds her, she has to keep the woman from punching her in the process of dragging her away from the fight that Cait's already working on starting. When Cait realizes it's F!Sole pulling her away, she chills out considerably and just sort of leans on her before sadly starting to express every single woe she has. F!Sole just strokes her head and gets her to the nearest bed in an attempt to convince her to sleep it off. It is not too hard to get her into bed, but she is adamantly against lying down and falling asleep. She slurs on and on in great detail about what horrid things were done to her during her time in slavery. F!Sole feels terribly sorry for the poor girl and comforts her until she finally quietly cries herself to sleep with F!Sole gently stroking her hair.

Piper - Although it is an extremely rare day when Piper gets drunk, when she does, she is somewhere between giggling her head off, starting a fight she definitely can't finish, and being sad. When F!Sole finds her, Piper is telling a story. When someone tells her she's embellishing for a good story, she looks like she might cry for a total of two seconds and then she hops out of her seat, yelling that she's right and challenging anyone who thinks otherwise to come and settle this like big boys and girls should. F!Sole quickly interferes and apologizes to the people before taking Piper by the hand, and Piper pulls her hand away to instead throw an arm around her happily, declaring very loudly that this is her Blue and her best friend in the whole world. F!Sole just chuckles nervously and guides her away to any bed or bed-like structure that's away from prying eyes. When she gets her to a bed, Piper won't let go of her, so she has to lay down next to the goofy reporter and let her giggle and play with F!Sole's fingers and prattle on about whatever topic until she finally goes to sleep.

Curie - If somehow someone slips something less than pure into her drink, then one can expect her to giggle and giggle and giggle some more. When F!Sole finds her, she is somewhere between killing the moron that inebriated poor Curie and laughing at the poor girl. However, when she realizes several men are making passes at her, F!Sole charges in like an attack dog, all teeth bared and no niceties within her as she defends the girl. While F!Sole has her back turned to her and her eyes centered on the men, Curie jumps onto F!Sole's back, wrapping her arms around her neck and laughing while demanding that F!Sole carry her along. F!Sole just sighs before hoisting the girl more securely onto her and transporting her to a bed. She drops Curie down on the bed and the poor drunk thing giggles her head off as she lies there on the bed. F!Sole reaches around and tucks her in, telling her that she needs to go to sleep as she tries to appeal to Curie's medical sense. Fortunately, she is not so far gone that she cannot see reason, so she closes her eyes, giggles a little more, and finally goes to sleep. F!Sole doesn't leave until she's sure that Curie is asleep.

MacCready - A miserable drunk but also very belligerent and childish if he does not want to do something. Which makes it very difficult to work with him when F!Sole finds him. She tells him that he needs to come with her and go to sleep. He immediately protests with a loud whine and he clings onto his glass. Therefore, she treats him like a child who's throwing a fit-- he pretty much is acting like one-- and she pries the glass out of his hand before dragging him to a bed, him loudly protesting the entire time and making the biggest scene ever. When she finally gets him to a room, she tells him to stay in bed and go to sleep. He crosses his arms and just looks terribly grumpy for a while, incoherently telling her everything he thinks about her in some cross between his usual filtered speech and an unleashed vocabulary of colorful expletives. He finally goes to sleep after a long time of grumbling.

Deacon - Is the life of the party. He's dancing, taking shots, and trying to out-drink anyone around him. F!Sole has to literally sneak up on him when she finds him, and when she does, she grabs him around the middle, refuses to let go, and starts dragging him away. He fights her like a nutcase, but when he figures out she is not an enemy, he calms down just a little. Or he stops trying to kick her in the shins and jab her eyeballs with his fingers. When she gets him to go in the room, she locks the door quickly and stuffs the key away in her pocket. She has to keep a close eye on him, though, to make sure that he doesn't sneak out. She finally shoves him and tells him that he has to go to bed. Somehow or another, he manages to stay up until the morning. F!Sole has no idea how he does it.

Codsworth - Cannot get drunk. But he will gladly help his mistress wrestle any runaway alcoholics and keep watch over them throughout the night.

Hancock - Is happy, very loud, and extremely flirtatious. He is offering everyone unsolicited advice and cheerily buying drinks. When F!Sole is in the nearby area, he spots her and hurries over to her, offering her a drink and flirting her with a little. F!Sole knows that when he's like this, she has to trick him. He will never willingly go to bed. Therefore, she takes advantage of his flirting and persuades him to follow her to a bedroom. He easily follows along. She asks him to go in first and he complies perfectly. As soon as he's inside, she locks him in. He quickly starts to protest and she just tells him to go to bed. When she lets him out in the morning, he is grumpily fussing about her tricking him.

Danse - Is a very depressed and sad drunk. But he is slightly less stiff and just the slightest bit more flirty if he is not in one of those sad moods. When F!Sole first finds him, he looks like he has lost his best friend as he just looks at his glass. F!Sole wastes no time in placing a hand on his shoulder and telling him that he needs to come with her and go to bed. When he sees her, his demeanor changes a little and he brightens. She tries to guide him away and help him up and away to a bed. When she gets him in there, she has to push him and somewhat forcibly make him lie on the bed. He sort of just stares at her and makes some really strange, almost incomprehensible joke about this scenario not being appropriate, but she just rolls her eyes at him and tells him to go to sleep. Fortunately, he easily obeys, and she just stays in the room, sitting next to him on the bed and running her hands through his hair until he goes to sleep.

Preston - Somewhere between being a goofy drunk and a sad one. When F!Sole finds him, he is near tears over who knows what. She goes over to him and asks if he is okay. When he explains the problem, she tries to make him feel better about whatever it is before softly encouraging him to come with her so she can get him to bed. He gets up and comes with her. But if there is a radio nearby, he stops her and asks her to dance with him. He continues to fight her about going to bed until she finally agrees to just one dance. They dance for a little while, and when he is almost incoherent, she decides that it is best to get him to bed at that point. She has to almost carry him to bed as he leans all over her and barely holds himself up. She gently eases him down onto the bed and he is asleep immediately.

Valentine - Can't drink alcohol and would not even if he could. He usually helps F!Sole if she needs it with some of the more difficult drunks, offering another contributing voice of reason.

X6-88 - Is a lot like his usual self on the outside but he is much clumsier. However, when someone actually speaks to him, he is considerably goofier and less coordinated. When F!Sole finds him, she is somewhat afraid. She has never seen him act like a normal person, and she honestly is not sure if she thinks his usual self is better or not. But out of kindness and respect for him, she tells him that he needs to go to bed and sleep the drink off. He stands up quickly and insists that he is fine. She starts to pull him away anyway, and he pulls away from her, heading back toward the bar. F!Sole has to practically drag him toward a bed and she has to lock the door and keep the key in a pocket in order to make sure that he does not escape. She then proceeds to insist that he goes to sleep. Finally, after much argument and stumbling around, he dramatically falls on the bed and goes to sleep.

Dogmeat - No one gives Dogmeat alcohol. F!Sole catches it before some moron gives him any. Plus, he does not drink it anyway. It smells bad and he avoids it.

Strong - If someone possesses or can afford the amount of alcohol that it would take to intoxicate him, they would end up with a very, very angry super mutant. If they succeed in getting him drunk, F!Sole usually gets his attention and convinces him to chase her. She then runs inside one of her deathclaw traps, somehow managing to slip around him as he's grabbing for her and slamming the door closed. She keeps him inside until the next morning and then she apologizes for locking him up by cooking his favorite meal and offering it to him.

[jayjaymorgan]

Shattered Past - Part I

Author’s Note : This is a new series that I’ve been writing for some time with @farkmagic help, which I’m really grateful for. I also want to thank @writer1 , who helped with choosing a name for the ship. Please remember that English isn't my native language, so there might be some mistakes and stuff. I hope you all like it, have a great day/night!

TW : depressive thoughts, mention of death of many individuals

It’s been 10 years since the Empire took over. 

It’s been 10 long years since the Empire went on a rampage and killed so many of Rex’s friends and family. Even though it was so long ago, Rex’s grief was unbearable : instead of getting smaller and easier to handle, it was growing with each passing day. He was confused, angry, sad and scared all at the same time, he often found himself crying for no reason and dark thoughts started appearing in his mind. It was getting harder and harder to find a reason to keep going, to get up in the morning and survive the day. Some days he couldn’t even get out of bed : he would just lay there, either crying or staring blankly at the ceiling until other crew members came looking for him. Usually it was Echo or Hunter, sometimes Wrecker, who would comfort him and let him know that they are there for him. It helped, but Rex still felt extremely alone and miserable. 

When he woke up this morning, he knew that it was one of those days. 

He couldn’t bring himself to get up and get ready for the day : instead he just laid there, in his bed, looking at the ceiling. He thought long and hard about what he should do next – get up or go back to sleep? In the end he decided to go along with the third option, which was to stay in bed wide awake and think about the purpose of existence ( if there is any ). After some time he heard Echo calling him for breakfast, followed by Omega’s quick footsteps. She poked her head through the door to his room, smiling wildly at him. “Good morning, vod!” she said, Rex only groaned in response. “Everything okay?” “Yeah, I’m just thinking about... you know, life?” he didn’t want to worry his little sister, but he was a bad liar and she knew him too well. “Do you want me to call Echo?” “No, I’m okay.” he calmed her down, sitting up in his bed. “Give me a minute or two, I’ll see you at breakfast.” “Okay, but let us know if you need anything,” The man nodded and got out of bed, picking up his clothes from the chair. He dressed quickly in some gray sweatpants and a t-shirt, stepped out of his room and made his way towards the dining room. Surprisingly, he was feeling a lot better now : for some unknown reasons Omega always made him feel better just by talking to him. She was so full energy and happiness, it was impossible to be sad around her. His thoughts came to a stop when he almost tripped on one of the many droids aboard the ship. Cursing under his breath he passed the droid, ignoring it’s loud and angry beeping. He finally reached the dining room, the rest of the crew already waiting there for him. Everyone except Hunter was there : he still hasn’t returned from his quest. “Sorry you had to wait for me.” Rex said before sitting down between Crosshair and Omega, taking some portion bread and putting it on his plate. “It’s nothing.” mumbled Wrecker with his mouth full of food. “I prefer you to talk when your mouth is not full of food.” Tech gave his brother a disapproving look and then continued to scroll through his datapad. “We are running low on supplies: we need fuel, new water filters, medicine...” “Let’s talk about it after breakfast, so put your toy down and eat before I make you.” Crosshair threatened, not taking his eyes off his food. Tech scoffed in response, but listened and placed the datapad on the table. They ate in comfortable silence, the only sounds in the room were the clatter of the dishes and Wrecker’s loud chewing. Suddenly they heard the ship’s hatch open, loud footsteps and Hunter’s voice, saying that he’s back. “Hunter!” Omega jumped to her feet and ran p to him, hugging him tightly. “Hey, vod. I missed you too.” he hugged her back, patting her head. “Did you get taller while I was gone?” “Maybe...” she said happily, then quickly changed the topic. “Did you find it?” “Yep, they’re waiting outside. Let me just eat something and we’ll go.” he sat down at the table, taking off his helmet and gloves. “What is the situation?” he asked, taking some of the potion bread and biting into it.Tech glanced at his datapad and read the list of things they needed out loud, frowning his brows. “Oh, boy.” Rex sighed. “That’s a long list. Do we have enough money for all of it?” “Let me see...” Tech made the calculations in his head. “We should have enough, although we will have to sell some of the technology we found at the battlefield.” “Alright, then it’s settled – let’s wrap it up and go back to the locals, they’ll be happy to have their herd back.” They all agreed and started to clean up after breakfast while Hunter quickly finished his. Omega waited for him patiently, jumping in place from excitement. “Rex, could you help us with the herd?” asked Hunter, looking up at him. “We have to take it back to the village.” “Sure, let me just change. I’ll meet you outside.” He went back to his room, put on his blacks and armor before looking at himself in the mirror that was hanging on the wall. The gray paint was coming off, revealing the white and blue markings underneath. 

It made him stop in his tracks. 

Memories flashed before his eyes, his hands started to tremble. The shattered pieces of his past assembled, creating an imagine: he could see himself, his brothers and the love of his life... 

He snapped out of it, breathing deeply. He had work to do, he couldn’t get distracted now. He wiped his eyes, hid his armor under a brown, long cloak and went outside, closing the ship’s hatch behind him. There he saw a big herd of eopies. Hunter and Omega were walking around the herd, counting the animals and making sure that none wandered away. “Do you see that one? The one with rope around it’s neck?”the man pointed at the animal, his sister nodded. “That’s the leader. The herd will follow him everywhere. Start leading him to the village, me and Rex will take care of the rest.” Omega approached the eopie, grabbed the lead and started walking in the direction of the village. The creature followed her and the rest immediately started to chase after them. Rex and Hunter were walking at the very back, making sure that none of the animals stayed behind. “You okay?” Rex glanced at his brother, who was looking at him with worry. “I’m fine.” he didn’t even try to sound honestly, he was way too tired for that. He wanted to go back to his room and sleep for the rest of his life. “You don’t sound fine. You know you can tell me everything, right?” “I know, it’s just...” “You don’t want to be seen as weak?” Silence. “I’ll take it as a yes.” Hunter focused his eyes back on Omega. “You’re not weak, even if you think so. You’re strong, incredibly strong and I know it’s hard, but you have to keep going.” “I know, I know...” he paused, searching for right words. “I miss them. I miss them so much, it’s killing me and I don’t know how to get over it, it’s been so long ago...” “No one is asking you to get over it. I’m gonna be honest with you : you will never get over that. At least, not completely. Your... our brothers were extremely close to you. I can only imagine how you feel. I’m not going to be a jerk who will tell you to simply forget all about them and move on, no. I just hate to see you like this. You can’t let your past control your future like that. I... We need you.” Hunter reached out and placed his hand on Rex’s shoulder. “We know you’re going through a lot and we really want to help you, but you need to let us help you.” For a moment they walked in silence, Hunter’s hand never leaving his brother’s shoulder. “You’re right.” Rex looked up at his brother. “I needed to hear that. You should be a therapist.” “Hell nah, brother, I have my own problems to take care of.” They laughed loudly, then looked back at Omega. They could see the village ahead of them, just a couple of minutes and they would arrive. “You can stay here if you want, I’ll handle the payment.” Hunter knew that his brother didn’t like crowded spaces. “Call the rest, tell them that we’re ready to go.” “Alright.” Rex stopped next to the village’s gate and took out his communicator. “Tech, you can pick us up.” “Copy that, we’ll be there in 5 minutes.” The clone leaned against the wall and observed as his siblings talked with the locals, while others were rounding up the animals to the paddock. He could see the village headman hand over a pouch full of credits to Hunter, who accepted it and shook hands with the man, saying something to him. They both laughed and the headman patted Hunter on the shoulder, before turning back to his people and walking away with them. “Thank you so much for your help.” Rex jumped in place, surprised by the abrupt voice. He looked over his shoulder and saw an elder Twi'lek woman, who smiled at him. “We would not survive the winter without the herd.” she spoke, leaning on her walking stick and taking something out from her coat’s pocket. “Please, take this. As a trinket of our thanks.” “It’s nothing, really...” Rex scratched his neck, not knowing what to do. “You already paid for our services, there’s no need to...” “I insist.” He gently took the small package from the woman and thanked her, when suddenly she walked closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Many years ago, you and your brothers saved me and my wife from the droids. We will be forever thankful for that.” she said, looking back at a nearby house. Rex could see another woman sitting there at the doorstep, smiling at them. “I could never fully repay you for it. If you and your crew ever need a place to hide, stay for the night or just a warm meal, my door is always open.” Before the clone could say anything in response she walked away, limping towards her house. He just stood there, where the old woman left him, trying to process what he just heard.  

She knew who he was?

[five-rivers]

Long Night in the Valley Chapter 4

Trigger warning for suicide and suicide baiting.  Starts and ends at the * asterisks.  

.

There was something wrong with the school.  Other than it being entirely within Midoriya’s head.  It was… ominous.  Foreboding.  The way the walls joined together was wrong.  The colors on the posters clashed.  The incomprehensible background noise made by the bright blurs was jeering, mocking.

It reminded Aizawa too much of his old school, the one he went to before UA.  Of the looks and the hate he got just because his quirk frightened people.

But Midoriya had a straightforward physical quirk.  Correction: he appeared to have a straightforward physical quirk.  Even if he’d had the bone breaking problem, he shouldn’t have experienced anything like that.

Aizawa was shoved, hard, from behind, and that shouldn’t have knocked him off balance, but it did.  He tumbled, painfully, to the ground.  There hadn’t been anyone there to push him.

Except the blurs.

He cursed inwardly.  He had been too fast to dismiss them, he realized, as cruel laughter rose up around them.

“They can touch us,” said Aizawa.  “Be careful.”

“Yes, sir!” said Iida, sporting a black eye already.  “I apologize for my inattention.”

More laughter.  An older, but still indistinct voice rose above the sound, along with a taller blur.  A teacher.  The condescension in the tone made Aizawa’s teeth hurt.

He caught sight of Suzuki ahead.  “Come on,” he said.

“Let me try something, sensei,” said Todoroki.  He raised his arm, and ice filled the hallway, pushing out to either side.

The blurs ignored it.  The jeering increased in volume.  Aizawa could make out individual words, now, like ‘useless’ and ‘freak.’

“Good thought, Todoroki,” said Aizawa.  He tried not to let his trepidation show.  He had a feeling this was going to be difficult.

The children looked at him in horror.

“Sensei,” said Iida, “you’re being… encouraging?”

“Just follow them,” said Aizawa, pointing.  He wanted hazard pay for this nonsense.

“Yes, sir!” said Iida, zooming off.  He was immediately tripped again.

Luckily, Suzuki didn’t seem to be having much more luck.  The blurs, which Aizawa guessed were somehow Midoriya’s memories of his former classmates, were just as violent with him.  Aizawa couldn’t see Midoriya anymore.

Laughter.  One of the blurs scratched at Aizawa’s side and murmured tauntingly.  They passed a nurse’s office where nothing but cold words and cold winds emerged.  The hallways smelled like smoke and sugar and things that had to be related to quirks.

There was a loud ring overhead, and the blurs abruptly vanished.  Despite the burns Aizawa had suffered (when?) he forced himself to speed up.

He almost caught Suzuki before he entered the classroom.

Iida slipped on the tile floor, hitting him from behind, and all of them skidded into the classroom as a tangled mess.  Aizawa hadn’t been this clumsy since he was in middle school.  What was going on?

Midoriya was sitting at a desk, hunched over and muttering.  The desk was, to put it nicely, ruined.  Even from Aizawa’s current perspective, he could make out some truly hateful things carved into the wood and metal.

Aizawa dearly hoped that this was exaggerated.  Even so, he was going to seriously talk to Midoriya about therapy and taking legal action against this hellhole.

“What are you hiding?” asked Suzuki, roughly.

*

The classroom exploded into sound, blurs at the desks solidifying into outlines, into ghosts.

You’re also applying to UA, aren’t you, Midoriya?

Midoriya froze and buried his head in his arms.  Aizawa, halfway up with the intent to stop whatever this was, felt himself freeze as well.

This mindscape affected him far too much for his peace of mind.

The ghosts laughed, long and hard and cruel, the teacher did nothing to stop it.

Then Bakugou’s shade exploded.  Literally.  The smaller Midoriya barely had time to throw himself back, away from the blast.  Midoriya’s reflexes had much improved since middle school, but, honestly, even this much was impressive for someone of his age.

Come on, Deku!  Forget the crappy quirks, you’re totally quirkless!

… What?

Aizawa missed the next several sentences as his mind whirred, trying to comprehend what he just heard.  But then another explosion brought him back, and Bakugou’s next words were completely unmissable.

If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life… go take a swan dive off the roof!

Just like that, whatever was holding them in place broke, the ghosts fading away entirely, leaving the classroom completely empty except for them and Midoriya.

Midoriya who was shaking, fists clenched, tears running down his face.

“Are you happy now?” he demanded.  “Are you happy?  Why couldn’t you just let me-?  Me being quirkless in middle school isn’t hurting anyone!”  He took several deep but uneven breaths, his shoulders trembling.

Uraraka stepped forward, and Midoriya flinched.

“Izuku?” she said, hesitantly.

Midoriya looked up, his expression guarded.

“The first thing I’m going to do when we get out of here is punch Bakugou.”  She said it cheerfully, one hand in a fist.

Midoriya gaped, but some of the oppressive, terrified, atmosphere dissipated.

Aizawa sighed to himself.  Now that the immediate danger seemed to be over, he moved closer to Midoriya.  He wasn’t sure if it was even possible to comfort a memory or a fragment or figment or whatever this was, but he wanted to be between Midoriya and Suzuki.  Especially given that Suzuki seemed to be able to manipulate the environment to some extent.

“Plus ultra,” agreed Todoroki.

“Uraraka!  Todoroki!” gasped Iida, scandalized.  “You can’t just punch a classmate outside of school supervised sparring!”

“I love you Iida, but you’re a bit of a hypocrite sometimes,” said Uraraka.  “Especially considering, uh…”  She gestured vaguely at Iida’s hands and then Midoriya’s face.

Iida turned a very funny color, then looked down at his hands.  “Oh my god, you’re right…”  He whispered, horrified.  “What have I become?”

“Besides,” said Todoroki, “Aizawa is like, right here.”  He gestured at Aizawa.  “We can ask him if we can—”

“No,” interrupted Suzuki, “that can’t be it!  Show me what you’re hiding!”  He started forward only to be jumped by three extremely annoyed hero students.  Just to be safe, Aizawa activated his quirk and kept it trained on the man.

“Mind the gun!” reminded Iida.

Ah, yes.  The gun.  Which the man may or may not have recovered at any point due to the impermanent nature of everything here.  Lovely.

“Midoriya,” said Aizawa, “he’s after you.  Get out of here.”

“Yes,” said Midoriya.  “Sorry, sensei.”  He bobbed in an incomplete bow and turned to the door.

And there was that stupid gun.

Aizawa wished he had his capture weapon back.

“What are you keeping secret?” demanded Suzuki, his voice echoing somewhat.

Midoriya clutched his head and screamed, falling to his knees.  His body vanished entirely, but the sound remained, somehow.

The classroom fell apart.

.

Very briefly, Tenya recognized Hosu.  The smoke, the alley, the distant, indistinct cries of Manual.  It wasn’t the alley where he’d found Stain standing over Native, however.  This was… this was Midoriya’s perspective.

The scene shifted again, rapidly.  They were now in the entrance tunnel to the sports festival arena.  The air smelled of smoke.  Todoroki startled, but—

It fell away.  A hallway in UA, the smell of coffee.  Then, one of the soundproofed conference rooms, papers on a table, the writing all blacked out.  Suzuki lunged for them, Aizawa punched him in the face.

Another shift, a dilapidated apartment with footprints on the walls and ceilings.  A microwave hummed in the background.  As soon as it dinged, they were elsewhere again.

Back on the beach.  The light was different.  A single car still remained and—

They were on a rooftop.

The wind blew mournfully.

Midoriya was standing at the edge, uniform in disarray, a burnt notebook clutched in one hand.

“Stop it!” he shouted, almost doubled over.  “Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

Tenya took a step forward before he could fully assess the situation.  If he tried to grab Midoriya now…  There was a good chance he’d go right over the edge.

“There it is!  That smile of his is just a mask—”

“Of course, it’s a mask, you idiot!” exclaimed Midoriya, angrily.

Angrily.

Midoriya rarely got angry.

“I am clinically depressed, and I have anxiety!  That doesn’t make me a villain.  Are you stupid?  Are you on drugs?  Is the whole commission on drugs?  All Might’s smile was a mask ninety percent of the time!  And don’t you dare try to tell me that Hawks’ smile isn’t a mask.  Do you do this to him, too, you sicko?”

Suzuki had gone very stiff.  “How do you know about that?”

“Because I have functioning eyes, unlike virtually everyone else, apparently.  What is wrong with you?”

“You,” said Suzuki, “are in no position to ask questions.  What are you hiding here?”

“You really want to know?  Do you?  Do you?  Huh?”

“Midoriya—”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, I can’t take this anymore, this is so stupid.”

This Midoriya was… also not quite right, it seemed.  Beyond age.

“You want to know why this place is a secret?  Fine.  Fine!”  He threw his hands on the air.  “This is the first and last place I seriously considered suicide.  Happy?”  The last was said with such an incredible amount of venom that everyone took a step away from Midoriya.

“Suicide?” said Tenya out loud, unable to stop himself.

“I didn’t want to—Hero courses filter stuff like that out!  If they think you’re going to be a liability!”  He was breathing heavily.  “Are you happy now?  You have my- my deep, dark secrets!  You know what- what I was like before, and—”

“Midoriya,” said Aizawa, gently, “it’s fine.  UA doesn’t filter for that.  All you would have to do is attend extra counseling.”

“Really?” said Midoriya.

*

“That can’t be it,” said Suzuki.  “You…” He whipped his head around.  “There was someone else here.  Who stopped you?  Was this where All for One recruited you?”

“What is wrong with you?” demanded Tenya, activating his quirk long enough to skid to a halt right in front of Suzuki.

Suzuki looked past him as if he weren’t even there.  “Who was with you?”

A faint breeze picked up.  Without power, can one become a hero?  No, I should think not…

“All Might?” said Uraraka.

“All Might?!” repeated Suzuki incredulously.

The scene changed in a blink.  They were in a pedestrian tunnel.

Midoriya, as disheveled and tiny as he was on the roof, leaned up against the wall, clearly wary of them in general and Suzuki in particular.

First contact… whispered a voice that dragged across Tenya’s mind like the end of a silk curtain.

“First contact?” said Suzuki.  “What is that supposed to-?”

“Hey!”

They turned to see a figure standing beyond the tunnel’s mouth, in the sunlight.  They were tall and slender, perhaps as tall as Tenya, and wearing a hoody and disposable medical mask.  The voice sounded oddly familiar, but Tenya couldn’t place it.  It sounded like the owner was about their age.

“Ha!” said Suzuki.  “This guy definitely isn’t Midoriya!  You have to admit-!”

“Are these guys bothering you?” asked the boy in the hoody.

“Yes,” said Midoriya.

“Well, don’t worry now!  Because I am here!”

“Are you… a vigilante?” guessed Tenya as the unknown boy stepped into the tunnel.  Many of them had an appreciation for All Might.

“Sure!” said the boy, cheerfully.

“Mutation-based speed enhancement,” muttered Izuku, sliding across the wall towards the boy.  “Fire and ice user.  Five-point activation mass alteration.  Quirk negation with secondary minor telekinesis.  Some kind of thought or memory manipulation, possibly a form of telempathy that allows him to alter the local environment as a side effect.  May have a truth-detection component.”

A thread of ice wound down Tenya’s back.  Even if he didn’t believe that Midoriya was a traitor, that he was giving information about them so freely to this stranger, as if they were enemies, was chilling…  Even if it did evolve that this was just a figment of his imagination…

“Ha!  It’ll take more than that to get rid of me!” said the vigilante, pointing a thumb at his chest.

If Tenya wasn’t mistaken, however, there was a bit of a wobble in his voice.

“Mass alteration can act like freefall.  No conscious control of how much mass is altered, can only reduce mass,” continued Midoriya, now hiding behind the taller boy.  “Ceiling of absolute temperature alteration from average is lower for fire than for ice.  Speed enhancement can be used to power kicks.  Mind the capture weapon.  Scarf.”

“Gotcha!”

The vigilante lunged for Suzuki and threw him bodily into Aizawa.  While the adults were recovering, the students moved to flank the stranger.  He attempted to throw Uraraka in the same way, but she got him with her quirk and he floated towards the ceiling, which he kicked off, enough power in the movement to clock Todoroki in the jaw.

Tenya attempted to apply a kick at the vigilante’s exposed but still-floating back, but was nearly stabbed in the eye with a pencil by Midoriya.

“Sorry,” said Midoriya, breathlessly.  “Sorry.  I didn’t do this for real.  I thought about it.  But I didn’t.  Sorry.”

“You thought about stabbing me in the eye?”

“No.  Muscular.  The sludge villain.  I thought—Maybe I should have.”  His muttering rapidly became unintelligible.

Tenya was distracted enough by the muttering that he took a second longer than he should have to react to Midoriya going after his bad shoulder.  The tip of the pencil dug right into it.

“Sorry, sorry, this is a dream, I know it hurts, I’m sorry.”

“Disengage!” shouted Aizawa.  “There’s no point in fighting these guys!”

“The hell there isn’t!” said Suzuki.

“Dissension among the ranks, eh, villains?” asked the vigilante.

“Hey!” complained Uraraka.  “Don’t lump us in with him!”

The vigilante, somehow, got a hold of Aizawa again.  Despite his young appearance, he had a lot more skill than Iida, or even Midoriya.

Aizawa managed to get a blow across the boy’s face, knuckles knocking his hood and mask askew, and—

He would recognize that smile anywhere.  Even if it wasn’t paired with the floppy bangs they had all come to know.

“All Might?!”

.

Toshinori tried to ignore his growing headache as he laid out supplies.  Izuku was sleeping, and they were safe for now, but it would be foolish of them to assume that the Hero Commission would just let Izuku disappear.  The infinite variety of quirks in the world all but guaranteed someone with a tracking quirk would be after them, and soon.

Thus, it behooved them to disguise themselves.  

In this day and age, the easiest way to do that was to make it look like you had a quirk other than your own.  The bulky coat he had selected included a high collar and an apparatus that covered everything below the eyes, suggesting a disturbing or difficult-to-control mutation.   Of course, he’d also have to wear sunglasses.  His eyes were unfortunately distinctive.  The hair would have to go, too.

For Izuku, though, he couldn’t stand the thought of completely cutting his hair off—it would look strange in someone so young, anyway—so instead he had retrieved the hair bleach.  White hair, combined with a suit and properly worn tie, would make him appear older.  Lifts in his shoes would add to that impression.

The computer pinged.  Toshinori went to it and made a face.  He wasn’t technologically inclined at all, but Six was and had been a different story.  The computer was old, but Six was very good, and large organizations only rarely changed their protocols.

The commission had their tracker, a young rescue hero named Trace.  She was on her way to UA.  The details of her quirk…  Yes.  They could potentially even keep her away from the safehouse, if they took the opportunity to cross their paths…  But they would have to start preparing to leave now.

Izuku woke with a gasp and an anguished cry.  The pain in it was echoed by a spike in Toshinori’s headache.

Toshinori rushed to the room.  “What’s wrong, my boy?”

“They’re not in my head anymore,” said Izuku, knotting his fingers in his hair.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” asked Toshinori, even as he knew it wasn’t.

Izuku shook his head.  “They’re not in my head anymore.  They’re in yours.”

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 20

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 5.1k

; Warnings: Mentions of a car accident, character death, depression and anxiety

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Boy have I struggled to get round to this. I’m working from home and on lockdown so I’m so bored and when I finish work, I just want to go to bed lol I half proof-read this and I’m posting it a little early! So...<33 as a reminder, the UK went forward an hour last night so the times each which have changed! Please reblog and give me some comments and love! I don’t get much interaction nowadays ;-;

; Flower Masterpost

-

“So Hoseok was really the first guy you messaged?” His mom asks, a soft smile on her face as she sits down on the couch, eyeing where you sit on Hoseok’s lap in the armchair with an unreadable look. Your stomach feels full from the delicious meal she’d made earlier to welcome you into her home and you almost whine when Hoseok shifts behind you, jolting you just enough to put pressure on your food baby.

For clarity, he was the one who had pulled you onto his lap once he’d sat down in a plush, leather armchair. Apparently this had always been his chair when he’d been living here and he didn’t want you too far away from him it seemed.

“Yeah. Actually, he was the only guy so...either that makes him really desperate or me very lucky.” You can’t help the teasing tone to your voice, the pitch increasing as you giggle when Hoseok lets out an overly exaggerated affronted gasp before gently tickling your sides. 

“You take that back. I was not desperate. I waited like...a whole half an hour or something to respond to you.” He points out, lower lip pursing out into an adorable pout and you snort in amusement, flicking the metal ring affectionately.

Turning back to his parents, you shrug lightly as you reach out for your water, taking a sip of the cold liquid before placing it back on the coffee table. Thankfully, they hadn’t seemed too weirded out by your request for just water. You’d found that a lot of people found it bizarre that you preferred that over everything else, but they’d just taken it in their stride.

“He’s right in fairness. One of my best friends, Soyeon, signed up for match.com and she hadn’t filled any of her profile out. Only had a picture and her description was something like ‘I’m not as pretty as my filter makes me look’. Which is a complete by the way, she’s actually way prettier. But in like...fifteen minutes, she had over 100 likes and 30 messages. I know online dating works for some of us,” You give Hoseok a fond smile at that. “But honestly, some of them were just...desperate. I mean...how can you match with someone when all you have is their photo and nothing else?!”

That gets a laugh from his parents and you feel warm relief bloom in your chest; the knowledge that they were laughing with you and not at you was good. It meant they found you funny, which hopefully meant you were making a great impression on them.

“I gotta admit you’re right. I, personally, was never one to go by just looks. My friends can attest to the fact that just because someone looks nice, it doesn’t always mean they’ve got anything nice going on underneath. And by friends I mean me, unfortunately.” Hoseok’s face twists into a grimace and you wriggle in place slightly as you laugh, oblivious to the way he stiffens ever so slightly beneath you or the way his expression tightens for a moment.

His dad notices though, and the loud guffaw he lets out causes both Hoseok’s mom and you to stare at him in confusion. It makes Hoseok’s cheek’s colour though when he realises that his dad’s obviously figured out the reason for his discomfort.

“I hope that’s not referring to me.” Teasingly, you poke at his cheek and smirk when he tilts his head away, whining quietly before reaching up to grasp your finger. His chocolate brown eyes focus on you firmly before he’s waving the index finger of his free hand in your direction.

“Stop fishing lady. You know it’s not you,” You pout at that, eyes going big as you give him a wounded look and he can’t help but laugh at your antics, letting go of your hand to instead place his arms around your waist once more. “I’ve made a lot of really bad life choices, I’ll admit to that. But answering your message was definitely not one of them.”

That has you cooing at him, cupping his cheeks and squishing hard. He says something to you, but his lips are so smooshed together that it just comes out garbled, causing you to baby talk him for a few seconds as you feel the warmth of his cheeks heating beneath your palms.

It’s unbearably cheesy, and if you’d seen anyone else doing this then you’d have been embarrassed on their behalf. But you don’t really realise because something about him makes you be cheesy in a way you’d always cringed at before.

You’re both so involved with each other that neither of you notice the way his parents turn from watching you both to looking at each other. The emotion on their faces isn’t one you would recognise, given you’re not a parent yourself.

But for them, it’s a soul deep relief that paints itself on their face while burrowing into their very being. Their son, their only remaining child, their little boy whom they loved more than anything else in this world and had been lost to them for so long, was happy. His flushed cheeks might indicate his embarrassment but they recognised the happiness he radiated towards you as you played around with him.

And that was to say nothing of the pure love he seemed to positively glow with in your presence. Like you’d hit an internal switch inside him that had been flipped off many years ago. Hoseok had turned a corner in college with therapy but it felt like only now were they really getting to see the little boy that had disappeared so many years ago with the death of his sister.

It made his mom a little too emotional, and she stood up abruptly before leaving the room. The movement was so sudden that it distracted you both from each other, Hoseok’s brows immediately furrowing in concern while you watched after her in bewilderment.

Glancing back at him, you saw that Hoseok had seen the glassy tears in her eyes too. There was a brief pause between you before Hoseok shifted, getting ready to move you off his lap and evidently go after his mom.

But then his dad’s voice spoke up.

“Don’t Hoseok, it’s okay. She’ll be okay. How about Y/N go instead? It might be nice for you both to bond a little or something.” He gives a meaningful look to Hoseok and you get the sudden feeling that whatever had upset his mom was going to be explained to him by his dad. Leaving you to deal with Hoseok’s mom.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Don’t feel forced or anything.” Hoseok says firmly, glancing at his dad for a few seconds before looking back at you. You get the feeling that he’d just mentally reprimanded his dad for being so forceful and expectant but you gave him a slightly tense smile, shaking your head.

Nerves flared in your stomach immediately though, the anxiety rolling around and you shook ever so slightly at the thought of being alone with his mom. She’d been perfectly nice all evening to you, but there was the knowledge still that Hoseok loved her deeply and you’d seen tonight just how much she loved him too.

What if she was angry about what Hoseok had said? What if she didn’t approve of you? What if she was crying because she was upset Hoseok loved you or something?

A brief glance in Hoseok’s direction has him immediately scoping you out, squeezing his arms around you tightly and pushing his head into your neck. At this angle, he can kiss your cheek easily and he does so, freely giving his affection to you as his hands gently soothe.

“It’s okay, she’s not gonna bite. I swear. I promise. Please. If you’re okay with it then...talk to her, get to know her. And make sure she’s okay, please?” His eyes are wide and endearing in their innocence, causing you to give a slight smile as you run your fingers through his hair. “I love you, you’ll be okay.”

He whispers that bit, almost as if he’s afraid of his dad hearing. But you know it’s probably not that and more out of respect for you and how you feel when it comes to emotions. You’re not exactly someone who goes around shouting your feelings from the rooftops after all, and you feel the same way the other way around.

Swallowing, you take in a deep breath to fortify yourself before nodding. Anyone would think you were off to war, and you can’t help but chuff a laugh at the thought of that. It gets you a strange look from both Jung men, but you simply kiss Hoseok briefly before standing and moving in the direction his mom had gone.

As you reach the door frame though, you pause as your nerves get the better of you once more. Glancing back to Hoseok, you see him watching you with careful eyes, his lips turning into a sweet smile as he gives you his silent reassurance. His complete trust in you to not only handle yourself, but comfort his mom meant a lot and you resolved not to make him regret his faith.

The house Hoseok had grown up in was much larger than the one your parents had, the rooms bigger and the ceilings higher. Not only that, but there was just the sheer number of rooms on top of all that as well. It was one thing to know objectively that Hoseok’s family was well off, but it was another entirely to actually see it.

If anything, apparently Hoseok had been very humble about himself and his family’s money. They weren’t loaded or anything, but their house was big enough and in a nice enough suburb with two cars not even a year old that you’d immediately felt the difference between you both.

He hadn’t said anything about it though. Hadn’t indicated that he was aware of the difference at all. Maybe he didn’t notice or maybe he was just being polite and not mentioning it. It probably wasn’t very good in a relationship to blatantly float your wealth compared to your partner or something.

Either way, you appreciated his tact. 

Once you'd left the room, Hoseok is distracted away from watching where you'd gone by the wry snort from his dad. Glancing over, he furrows his brows in a silent question, wondering what his dad found so funny.

"She's cute." Is all he says, causing Hoseok to nod in response. He doesn't even realise he's looking back until his dad talks again. "Your mom isn't going to kill her, you know, she'll be okay."

That makes him blush, his cheeks heating as he purposefully turns his body until he can't look out the door. Turning his gaze to his dad, he glares at him slightly before pursing his lips.

"I know that. I just...want to make sure she's okay." He didn't tell his dad why he thought that. Your emotions and mental health were yours to share or not, and you'd only shared it with him so far. Hoseok wouldn't betray your trust by blabbing it to everyone.

"Your mom won't do anything to upset her. We know how much she means to you. Which in case you didn't realise, is why your mom left the room."

Hoseok just hums lightly, hoping that will be true.

-

You find Hoseok’s mom in what looks to be a home office, the walls covered in bookcases filled with files and framed pictures while a desk takes pride of place, an iMac sitting atop it with the plush looking desk chair empty in front of it. She’s sat on an equally nice looking leather sofa, backed up against the wall and facing the desk.

For a moment, you stand awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of what to do or what to say. You feel probably even more nervous than you’d expected, your stomach swirling the delicious pot pie and vegetables she’d made for dinner that you’d eaten happily earlier. This was Hoseok’s mom. His mother. The woman who had carried him for nine months, given birth to him and raised him. The woman he adored.

You knew logically that you were psyching yourself out, but you just didn’t really know how to react. What if she was angry at you for some reason? Or disgusting for being so close with her son in front of her? Though Hoseok had been the one who had dragged you into his lap so it was his fault really.

“You can come in sweetheart, it’s okay.” Her tone is gentle and the warmth in it automatically soothes some of your nerves. You can really see where Hoseok got his caring nature from now, and it amuses you to know that he spent years actively pushing his parents away only to have such strong similarities between him and them.

Carefully, you move into the room and sit on the couch next to her, your posture absurdly straight and wooden as you struggle to relax. There’s a moment of silence before she lets out a soft chuckle, her hand reaching out to rest on your shoulder as she squeezes ever so slightly.

“You can relax, I promise I’m not going to be mean.” Looking at her, you see the familiar smile of your boyfriend in an older, feminine form and can’t help but smile back. Taking in her face properly, you realise as you see the way her eyes crinkle warmly that Hoseok has her eyes too. It makes something warm bloom in the midst of your nerves.

“Are you...are you okay? They err, sent me to check on you. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m a girl or something.” Shrugging awkwardly, you pause as you hear the gentle laugh that falls from her lips once more.

“Probably. Neither of them are all that great with emotional women I think,” She muses, looking away from you to one of the bookcases. “But also probably because they want us to talk. They’re not very subtle.”

You can see the amused expression on her face and yet you feel a sudden urge of protectiveness, a desire to defend Hoseok. Which is ridiculous, because this is his own mother. But still.

“Hoseok’s great actually, he’s really good at coping in a crisis. Especially with an emotional woman. I should know because he did it with me the other month.” As the words fall from your mouth, you look away in horror and shock. Yet again, you’d just said something without thinking first and wanted to cringe at the knowledge that you’d just given away something had happened with you. And that you’d also just argued with her.

Instead of getting offended though, she reaches for your hand and squeezes gently, concern written all over her face when you turn to look at her. Genuine concern.

“I won’t poke my nose in, but are you okay yourself?” Glancing at your hands, you consider the last few months carefully before giving her a small smile and a nod.

“I am. On the way there anyway. And Hoseok has been a huge part of that. You should be proud of him.” That causes a smile from you as you remember everything that your boyfriend had done for you over the last few months and that warm fuzzy feeling returns in your chest.

“I am proud of him. We’re both proud of him. Probably more than he ever realises, you know? I know you know about the accident and everything that happened after. Sometimes we didn’t think we’d ever get to see our happy little boy again,” Pausing, she reaches for one of the binders stored into the bookcase close to her and pulls it out. “Have you ever seen a picture? Of his sister?”

Shaking your head, you take what you realise is one of those books that parents keep track of all the important milestones in their child’s first year and rest it on your lap, opening the cover carefully. The front page features a photograph of a tiny newborn baby, swaddled in a pale yellow blanket. 

‘Jung Hyeri, born 28th November…’

The information carries on including her birth weight, the time of her birth, her star sign, her Chinese zodiac sign, her parents' names and more. On the next page was an ink imprint of her tiny foot, while the next page had a small piece of her black hair. Each page continued on, outlining her achievements such as her first word, her first time crawling, her first smile, her first time walking and so forth.

It was sweet, and yet you found yourself feeling so sad as you took in the image of Hoseok’s big sister back when she was so small. She wasn’t here anymore, and you can’t even begin to imagine how much their family still hurts over that.

“She was a sweet baby, laughed so easily and was really quiet. I think we got lucky for our first time.” His mom smiles brightly as she traces her finger along the image of Hyeri at her doljanchi, the Korean tradition of celebrating a child’s first birthday. She’s sat in a tiny hanbok with a table full of objects in front of her and you recognise it as the doljabi custom in which the item a child picked was supposed to dictate how their life would turn out.

“She picked up the book,” You look up at Hoseok’s mom, a small smile on your face. “Supposed to symbolise that they’ll be smart. And she was very smart. I like to think she would have become a scientist or something, because she used to love her science classes so much in school.”

Once you’ve finished looking through the book, his mom places it carefully back before smiling and giving you one that looks identical. Only this time, you get to see a more familiar name above the image of another baby, fast asleep in a pale green blanket this time.

‘Jung Hoseok, born 18th February…’

You can’t help but coo at the sight of how tiny he was, completely unable to reconcile this itty bitty baby with the man you have to look up to today. Each page is turned slower than before as you take in all the information you can, a part of your mind wondering if Hoseok would be embarrassed to know his mom was showing you his baby pictures.

But you can’t bring yourself to really care to be honest, because he looked so cute.

“Oh my god, you can see all of his features just in tiny chubby form.” Laughing quietly, you run your finger along Hoseok’s eye on a photo of him crawling, his smile so bright. He looked like a really happy baby, and even though you’re not fond of kids yourself, you can’t help but enjoy looking through the first year of his life.

Just like Hyeri, the final page was dedicated to Hoseok’s doljanchi celebration with a similar image of him in a cute hanbok in front of a table. Looking at his mom, you raise your brows in a silent question and she smiles.

“He chose money, which definitely pleased his grandparents. We weren’t concerned with pushing him though, you have to let children make their own way in life. Though he is doing quite well for himself isn’t he?” She takes the book from you and closes it carefully, placing it back in its rightful place before grasping a thicker binder.

This one is full of pictures and your eyes widen as you take them in. The pictures start out with Hyeri as a sweet three-year-old, sitting next to her newborn brother in his little bassinet. She’s looking inside, her black hair draping in and curling next to him. Over the next few pages, you observe as they both grow older.

Hoseok starts to be walking after her, and soon running, a bright and happy expression on both of their faces. Hyeri grows taller and taller, remaining firmly above her little brother and you see them building sandcastles on a beach, taking a walk along a forest lined path, climbing the steps of a castle and more.

A few pictures feature his parents, their fashion and hair wildly out of style for today but obviously perfect for the time. They looked like a happy family, one who was close with each other. As the children age through the photos, you note how Hoseok slowly starts to look a tiny bit more like how he does today.

The same occurs for Hyeri, her features losing the baby fat of her younger years as she fast approaches teenagehood. It’s with fondness that you note both siblings have the same eyes, sharing them with their mother in a clear sign of their familial relationship.

And then suddenly, Hyeri isn’t in the photos anymore.

It’s just Hoseok and occasionally his parents. Your heart clenches when you realise the joy that had been so evident in his eyes has vanished and that his smile is empty. It’s even worse when you realise how young was, how unprepared he was to suffer such a tragic incident so early in his life.

Swallowing hard, you look at his mom with a sad expression. “This was after, wasn’t it?”

She nods slowly, the pain in her eyes still as fresh and evident two decades later. “Yes, it was. A split second. That was all it took, and then we lost our daughter. We didn’t realise at the time that we’d lost him too, for such a long time. They were really close and he...he idolised Hyeri. He was convinced that he was the reason she’d died. That it was his fault. We knew it wasn’t, and he knew somewhere in his mind that it wasn’t. But...he was so young. And we just...we lost him to that grief and anger for so long. Therapists couldn’t help him back then because he was too lost in his own head. I think he had to be willing to accept the truth, and he wasn’t when he was younger.”

“Until college.” You murmur, running your finger along the vacant face of a younger Hoseok. It makes your heart hurt when you truly realise just how long he’d gone feeling such anger inside him, such a disconnect from the world. The tattoos on his body were a living memory to Hyeri, but you wondered if part of him had gotten them to start with so he could try and feel the pain he felt he hadn’t been given compared to her.

“Yes, until college. We had no idea until he came home one day, looking...well different I guess. And then he told us what he’d been doing. Apologised for how he’d behaved over the years and just...we talked it all out. All of us cried a lot, which I’m sure he was probably embarrassed about but, it felt like we were getting him back. There was still a part of him that wasn’t there though. A part that still...punished himself.” She sounds a little awkward then and you give an amused smile, knowing what she was getting at.

“You mean he slept around a lot and was still a little wild?” You can’t help the laugh that leaves you at her face at that, focusing back on the photographs as you flick through them. “I’ve met his friends. They were shocked that he was not only properly dating someone but that he was dating me in particular. Apparently I’m not his usual type.”

There must be something in your voice that sounds a little more vulnerable than you realised as his mom takes your hand gently, squeezing reassuringly until you’re looking at her. When you do, she takes a moment to look over your face before speaking.

“I know we’re talking about my son, but he obviously knew this was going to happen so I feel less bad about it. But I just...I need you to know it doesn’t matter what his friends said. What they say. Even what Hoseok says. He has a past, yes, but that means nothing really. He chose to date you, fully aware of his own habits and history, aware of you as well. No, you’re not like what he used to...date. If you can call it that. And that’s probably why it’s working, because you’re someone he has to actually work for, someone who’s made him realise that he wants to put in the effort required to make a relationship work. He wouldn’t be doing this, being with you and bringing you here, if he didn’t think you were worth it and that your relationship was going to work. I can promise you that.” It makes your stomach go all funny when you hear that and you’re not sure why.

Maybe it’s just because you’re finally getting validation that you’re not just some novelty Hoseok found. As much as you like his friends, you often feel distinctly uncomfortable with the knowledge that they found it amusing the fact he’d picked you. Like there was something wrong with you compared to the other girls he’d had in his life.

But hearing from his mom that there was nothing wrong with you and that it was probably just that Hoseok had found you worthy of his time and attention? That made you feel better. You were positive there was nothing wrong with all the other girls he’d been with, but the idea that he’d found you so enticing that he’d decided to commit himself was nice. More than nice really.

Logically, you knew it was stupid to be worried about things like this. After all, you’d both been in a relationship now for a year and he couldn’t change his past. So it should mean nothing. But you found it hard to let some things go.

“I didn’t know why he wanted me either to be honest. I mean...he’s...well him. Handsome, a good job, tattooed and into all that metal stuff. And I’m...me. Introverted, shy, awkward, exceptionally geeky and just...yeah. I mean, i know it’s stupid.” You struggled to explain it to his mom, feeling embarrassed about it but she lets out a soft tutting noise, placing her other hand over yours to capture it between her own.

“Doesn’t matter. None of it matters, okay? He knows all that. He knew all that before getting this involved with you. And he loves you. That’s what matters. And that’s what made me leave earlier. Because I got emotional seeing my little boy was back, the Hoseok who smiled and laughed with such love in his eyes. He’s been gone for so long, but he was there with you. So it doesn’t matter what the differences between you are. It doesn’t matter what his past is or yours. You make him happy, and that’s all I care about.” Now it’s really a struggle to not cry, hearing his mom sound so emotional and thankful to you.

It’s not like you’d done anything. Hoseok has done most of the heavy lifting in this relationship if you were being honest. You owed a lot more to him than he did to you, of that you were positive. But his mom looked so earnest and her words reverberated inside you.

Glancing down at the photobook, you take in the sight of a Hoseok who must have been around fourteen. His hair is just as black as it is today only the styling is completely different. The sides of his head are almost shaved while the hair remaining is gelled to be spikey. It’s not exactly the greatest look, but the anger in his eyes tells you that he probably didn’t care.

And it’s then that you realise that you’ve never seen Hoseok look like in this picture. Maybe it’s because of the therapy he went through in college, or maybe it’s because of you. You don’t know, but you do know that you don’t want to see him look like that again. Because that anger in his eyes was a mask for so much pain beneath.

And you don’t ever want Hoseok to suffer that again. Not while you could make him happy.

“He’s done more for me, I swear. But I’ll try to keep him happy for you. I promise. As long as he wants to be with me, I’ll try.” Your words are solemn, the tone grave and it makes her smile to see you being so serious about it.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m not going to force you at gunpoint to make him happy. There’s two of you in the relationship and he has to make you happy too. But I feel a lot better having met you now. I can see that you’re good for him, and I’m guessing that he’s good for you too. I’m just...I’m protective over him, even though he’s an adult now. We lost one child already and we were afraid that we’d lost our other too, so I want to do everything I can to make sure he stays with us.” Nodding, you give her a hesitant smile before handing back the now finished binder.

She places it back into the bookcase before taking in a deep breath and letting it out in one, long breath. There’s a hesitation before she stands, giving you a bright smile that you instantly recognise before she gestures to the door.

“Now, I think we should probably go back. Given how protective I’ve heard Hobi is over you, I think we should probably go and reduce his blood pressure by returning you to him.” You go hot at that, embarrassment making your hands press to your stomach lightly.

“He’s not that bad.” Murmuring, you follow her out of the room, unable to stop the smile as you hear her light peal of laughter.

“Sweetheart, you should have heard the riot act he gave us before bringing you over. If he thinks we did one thing to make you upset then I’m sure we’ll be made aware of it for the next few months. And as much as I love my son, I do not want to be given the cold shoulder or hear his grumbling over how we’d upset you. Men in love do the strangest things sometimes, so don’t underestimate him.”

[modern-vellichor]

Grief, is a Beautiful Thing

Stage Four: Depression

Warnings: Loss of a major character, depression, grief, suicidal thoughts.

Series Masterlist

Depression; feelings of severe despondency and dejection.

You ask Pepper for a few weeks off, she's more than happy to supply. She says you've worked to hard, you haven't had time to grieve. The others are going through it too, she says, she's seen Bucky crying on Sam's shoulder, Peter has come crying to her, Morgan can no longer sleep, she misses her dad. You have been grieving, just not like them, not in public. You are the piece of tape holding this team together, if you break now, so do they.

You tell Sam and Bucky that you're catching up on sleep, Peter is too scared to ask, and Thor, only god knows where he is.

You close all your curtains, your room is always dark and dim, always too warm, hot and heavy, humid. You wrap yourself in sweatpants and an old hoodie, Steve's old hoodie. It's far too big for you, comes down to your knees, the sleeves come past your hands. You curl up under your sheets, cocooning yourself away from a harsh and unfair reality.

The first few days, you cry. You scream and sob and shake, cries racking your body, your soul leaves through your tears. You scream into the nothingness until you can't cry any more, until your mouth is dry and your chest aches. You dampen your pillows, stain your sheets with mascara, you hug your knees to your chest. You breathe in his scent and you're thrown into a whirlwind of memories, happy memories, and it's like you can cry a million more tears, and you do.

"Y/N, baby, please", Steve cooed, his body wrapped around yours, his lips nipping at your ears.

You giggled in response, your gaze still focused on your book.

"In me burns the most Catholic of desires; to devour the divine", your voice was like honey in his ears, sweet and sticky, a melody that only you could play.

"what?", he asks, attention on your words, they resonated him. God, he wanted to devour you whole, absorb you, protect you from all the bad in the world, in a way, he wants to protect you from himself.

You repeat your words, he bathes in them, soaking them in.

"what do you think that means?", he ponders, into the air, you smile.

"I don't know. It depends on the person I guess", you whisper.

"what does it mean to you?"

"in my head, against all I was taught, burns a desire to do all that's unholy", you word it softly, slowly, in that moment Steve falls in love with you again, and this time, deeper, deeper than ever before. He's oceans away, meters below the surface, he just wants to keep swimming down, there's no hope for him now, you're it.

"You're the divine I wish to devour", he sings, to you and only you.

You sob into your pillow, fresh tears gracing your soft cheeks, not even the moon can comfort you know.

"honey?", he calls, playful and happy, pure joy dripping from his tongue. This is love, he thinks.

You round the corner, a smile gracing your angelic features. God, you're gorgeous, even more so than usual.

"Darling, I missed you", he says again. He always was one for pet names.

"Hey, Stevie. I missed you t-", you're interrupted by a yawn, your eyes drooping. You're tired, limp is his arms as he embraces you.

He carries you to bed, tucking you in before tucking himself flush against your back. You fit perfectly, you always did, he was always so much taller than you, you always fit so perfect in the palm of his hand.

You fall asleep again, hidden away from the outside world, the one that had brought you so much pain. Your mind is blank as you sleep, the only moments of peace it has allowed you since he left.

As you snooze softly, Bucky knocks on your door, calling out for you. He's worried, but you were doing so well. He decides you're just asleep, and you are, he leaves, but you're not well, you never really have been.

Its still dark in your room when you open your eyes, but its warmer, you know the moon is long gone. Sunshine filters in through the smallest crack in your blinds.

Sunshine.

Steve used to call you that, among other things.

Flower, doll, sunshine, honey, darling, baby. The usuals.

Sometimes he got more creative though, he always was artsy. He would come up with them while he scribbled a messy sketch of you into a beaten up journal.

"my goddess divine" "soul catcher" "maiden of my dreams"

Sometimes, in the dead of night, as the both of you were falling asleep. He would whisper a little poem, a mantra, for you, about you.

"my lady with honey skin and dew drop eyes"

"an angel stood at the gates of heaven, awaiting me with golden love"

Sometime over the week, your tears did dry out. You were left empty, broken, horribly numb. You hated it, you always hated silent emotion. You wanted to scream and shout and sob and cry, you wanted to throw tantrum after tantrum because it wasn't fair.

Because at least as sobs racked your feeble frame, you knew there was something there. You knew that a fire still burned deep inside of you, lightbulbs still flickered in your broken mind. Now, basked in miserable silence, and there was no life left inside of you.

There was nothing here for you now. Peter was growing up, he was graduating soon. Morgan was almost seven. Bucky was doing well on his own, Sam was filling Steve's shoes nicely. Even Pepper was running things smoothly, without you. Without you. Maybe, you've told your story. This is it, the drip finally stops. Not everything lasts forever.

You roll over, gaze landing on a photo you had framed on your nightstand.

You're sandwiched in between Bucky and Steve, both men pressing a wet kiss to either side of your face, and Sam is stood behind you, laughing his ass off, as usual. You smile, and start to stay your goodbyes.

You go through all your memories with your golden boys, happy, sad, angry, desperate. You whisper sweet words of sorrow into thick air as you choke on nothing. You save Bucky for last, he deserves the final kiss.

You remember when you first met Bucky, he was broken and bruised, Zemo had gotten to him. He nearly hurt Sam, his best friend. Bucky was only half there, The Soldier still present in every aching muscle.

Steve knew how good you were, how gentle and understanding you were, you could fix this. He knew you could hold your own, too, if God forbid something were to go wrong.

White walls. White. White. White. A metal table in the middle of the room, two chairs, a plain bed, which was considerably more comfortable than his cell at HYDRA. A mirror graced the wall of the door, double sided mirror, he knew that much.

Then you walked in, in a too-big hoodie and a pair of pajama bottoms, you were tired. Instead of staring at him with shock, or fear, or anger, you smiled. Big and warm and happy, teeth bared to the world.

"May I ask who I'm speaking to?", to you, Bucky and Soldat were two different people, in the same body. Classic personality disorder.

"I don't know you", he stated, voice low and gruff.

"My apologies", you smiled again. He liked that smile. "I'm Y/N", you stuck out your hand to him, no fear, no hesitation. "Y/N L/N, I work with Steve"

Steve. He knows Steve. Despite himself, he takes your hand, your skin is warm and soft, he loves it.

"Bucky?", you whispered, he shook his head.

"Soldat?", you spoke, tone normal once again. "Or would you preferred to be called otherwise?"

You were always so kind to him, you sat and spoke with him, made him feel safe while he fought to cage The Soldier once again. You weren't afraid of The Soldier, he liked you, you were soft, you were sweet, truthfully, you liked him too.

The Winter Soldier had fallen in love with you long before Bucky had. That love festered, growing, burning, constantly, brighter and brighter, taking over his conscience until he was feverish.

He was always there too, on the backburner of your whirlwind of a mind. He was the one you went to when Steve was away. Bucky remembers those days.

It didn't take Bucky long too fall in love with you. No, not at all. You were always there, angelic, ethereal, kind and otherworldly. So sweet and soft, poetic. He loved being your friend, the one you came to. He remembers laughing at you every time you knocked on his door.

"can you open this?"

"I need your help?"

"come train with me"

"I'm bored"

Even as you and Steve got serious, he loved helping you make him smile. You were always happy if Steve was, it was like you were one. You always knew if something was wrong, and you always made it better. If he was hurt, sad, happy, angry, so were you.

"Help me plan Steve's birthday"

"let's plan a game night for Steve"

"what's Steve's favourite colour?"

You and Steve weren't secretive, you just kept to yourselves. Maybe that's why only Sam and Bucky knew your relationship was falling apart. Bucky heard screaming through his ceiling, Sam through his walls. Bucky heard the soft pad of your feet and gentle knocking at his door, Sam got combat boots and broken hinges.

"he's angry again. mission went bad. he needs space"

"don't make me leave, I'm not ready to go back yet"

"can I stay here tonight?"

Then things got better, you never came to his door red faced and teary eyed. It was always with small smiles and propositions, always wanting to go somewhere. You were barely ever at the compound, barely ever with Steve.

"we're going on a mission, me and you"

"let's go out to eat"

"wanna go on an adventure"

Maybe it wasn't time for goodbye. Maybe there was time for just one more day. This is your chance. Live your life. This is your story. Your life does not end because another stopped. Maybe the greatest grief in life is losing another, but Grief, my dear, is a Beautiful Thing.

You threw your legs off the side of your bed, trudging quietly through the night. Soft feet cold on hardwood floors. You tapped your knuckles gently against his door, willing him awake.

The door swung open, he stood tall in the frame. You smiled sadly up at him.

"wanna go on an adventure?"

He didn't even bother getting dressed, neither did you. You just grabbed your shoes, running barefoot to your car. You slid them on as he was jumping in, starting the ignition.

Now, the early morning light was beautiful. The cool sting of pre-sun air, grey skies for miles, a blank canvas, waiting, yearning for the beautiful colours of a sunrise.

Neither of you had spoken a word since you got in the car, reveling in the silence, thick and heavy, filled with sadness and pent up anger, but it was still comfortable. It always was with you too, comfortable.

Stevie Nicks played softly through your speakers, keeping the silence at bay. Bucky never minded the silence, you, on the other hand, hated it. You always had something playing, someone speaking, some noise, any sort of noise playing in the background. Bucky didn't mind the noise either, at least you were happy.

The air warmed up as the sun rose, but you kept your hoodie on, opting to turn the AC up instead.

"So", Bucky finally spoke, "where are we going?"

"I don't know, nor do I care, darling", you laughed.

"I know a place"

Bucky knew a lot of places, so many of your conversations had gone like this. Once he took you to a farmers market in New Jersey, some old hidden bridge covered in weeds uptown, once, you had even ended up in Maine, only god knows how.

You don't know how much time passed before you spoke again, could have been minutes, could have been hours.

"do you think, Steve would be mad at us?"

"why would he be mad at us, doll?", he answered, without taking his eyes off the road.

"I mean, for us."

"I mean, he's not here to judge, but even if he was, I think he'd be happy. Steve was a good man, he respected people and their choices, he would have respected this one too", Bucky was so sure. Steve would always be a good man in his mind, the best man, America's hero. "Why, what do you think?"

"it doesn't matter what I think, just keep driving", you faked a smile for Bucky, and he dropped the subject, remaining silent until he stopped the car.

He had stopped at a field, parked in front of the old, rotting wooden gate.

The field was yellow and rolling, glistening under the rising sun. He hopped the fence easily, quick and agile, beginning his hike to the center of the field. You followed, with significantly less grace, climbing the rickety old fence with caution, almost falling over to the other side.

You walked a few paces behind him, hands outstretched, running through the tall, dry grass. You were almost completely surrounded by it, it was like suffocating in sunshine. Yellow, yellow, yellow, everywhere. And then there was him, tall and stoic and dark, clothed in black from head to toe, silver hand glinting.

You were so caught up in the magic of your surroundings, you hadn't realised Bucky had stopped, until you walked into his wide chest. Then his hands were on you, wrapping around your neck, tangling in your hair, cradling your face, exploring every dip and curve of your body. His mouth was on yours, breathing your air until you were both gasping.

He rested his head on yours, breathless, hands cradling your cheeks. You admired him, "where are we, Buck?"

He stood then, taking your hand and leading you a little to the left. And there, rotted and discoloured, stood an old gazebo.

"Before everything happened", he sighed. everything. HYDRA, The Avengers, Thanos. "I wanted to get married here, have the small wedding. Then the American dream, beautiful wife, two kids, a boy and a girl, a big old dog, white picket fence life, you know"

You nodded along, that had never been your dream. Once upon a time you wanted a wild and chaotic relationship, marriage and settling down was never on your cards, but you had settled down on your own.

"there was this one girl, she was lovely, I always had my eye on her, then she went off and married some abusive old drunk who was at least twice her age."

"I'm sorry", you whispered, not really knowing how to respond. This was something so intimate, so secret, and he was telling you, and it felt wrong, like you were invading his privacy, even though he had told you.

"What about you?"

"Pardon?"

"The dream life, what did you want?"

"I guess I thought it was always just gonna be me n' Steve. I didn't really care if we got married or not, I never really through about kids or a house. I always wanted a cat though, one of the really fat and fluffy, white ones, you know?"

He laughed at the blatant vagueness of it all, "Yeah, I know the ones"

You stood in comfortable silence for a while, until you came up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder blade as he breathed.

"I'm sorry", you mumbled.

He let out a dry, humourless chuckle, "for what, doll?"

"Everything that happened. I know I can't control it, it's just not fair, you deserve a break"

"you and me, both sweetheart"

You sat in the backseat for a while, holding each other like the world might end soon.

This was love , you thought.

You just want to sleep forever. If Sam doesn't stop knocking on your door you might just kill him. You pulled your covers further over your head, closing your eyes, and willing yourself to sleep. You hadn't been awake for more than twenty minutes at a time, for the last week. You were dehydrated, malnourished, and you were sure you had a bladder infection.

Eventually the knocking ceased and you drifted away.

Steve came to you in your dreams, holding you close and promising forever, just like he used to do. Forever obviously wasn't written in the stars, not for you two, anyway.

Bucky stands at your door. Its locked. He could get in if he really wanted too, and he does, just not that way. He's knocking gently and cooing through the thick wood of your door.

"doll, please"

"wake up, Y/N"

"pup, come on, open the door, for me"

You don't stir from your sleep, you're too far away. It's cool where you are, there's a breeze flowing through your hair, instead of being hot and suffocating and still.

Bucky slid his back down the door, the sun was setting in the sky. His head rested on the cool wood, and eventually, he, too, fell asleep.

It was 3 in the morning, you were hungry, and thirsty, and felt like death. You needed to go for a walk and punch the shit out of something and take a bath. It was overwhelming.

kitchen first. get a snack.

You pulled open your door, only to have Bucky collapse at your feet, now wide awake and in pain.

You stumble back, panicked, shocked, he's scrambling to his feet, reaching out to you. Your back hits the corner of your desk, you're tired, you're still half asleep. All you can think is intruder. run. run. run.

He's still coming for you, calling your name. "Y/N, doll, come here". He's mocking you. doll. Only Bucky calls you that.

Bucky.

You look, you see the familiar glint of metal in place of a hand. You calm. Bucky.

"Bucky"

You allowed yourself into his embrace, he was warm, furnace warm. He wasn't warm like your bedroom. He wasn't suffocating and humid, he was welcoming and cozy. You breathed in that signature scent of gunpowder and old whiskey, and it felt like home.

This was home. He was home.

"no", you mumbled at the innocent thoughts.

"Doll? what's wrong?"

This. This is what's wrong. You fell in love with Steve and now you're in love with his best friend. You cant do this. Steve would be so upset.

"Steve isn't here, pup", he said. You'd sweat that man could read your mind.

Bucky was right, Steve wasn't here, not physically. But he was in all your pictures, he was tangled in your sheets, he was buried in the ring you wore.

He was watching, and he was disappointed. This was wrong, and you were disgusted with yourself.

You felt it bubbling to the surface, hot tears and bile, sweats and empty heaving over a toilet boil. There was nothing to expel, nothing but water and acid that burned your throat and dampened your senses.

This was punishment. You did wrong, you deserved this. You deserved all of this.

you deserved being left, you deserved being toyed with, you deserved the tears and the pain and the grief. Love hurts, grief takes, and it takes, and it never stops, it will eat you from the inside out, because, darling, Grief is a Violent Thing.

@vicmc624 @dee-vn @soleil-dor

[ythankucaptainmccoy]

Rex, Wolffe, Cody x Reader (Forgotten Birthday?)

It is @gabrielewolffe birthday today, and I dedicate this fic to her. Basically this is going to have a plot to it, but as we all know it’s going to turn into smut! Rex, Wolffe, and Cody forget about your birthday or do they? Read more to find out how this goes. I do not own Star Wars or any characters.  Surprise @gabrielewolffe I added Cody for a foursome! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WARNING: Foursome, Blow Job, Squirting, Over Stimulation, All at Once, Face Fucking,  Multiple Orgasms, Choking, Cock Torture and Prostate Massage.

-----------------

Once again the 501st Legion, 104th Attack Battalion, and 212th Attack Battalion were teamed up for another mission, and you had been with the 501st for some time now. You and Rex had been together for a while, but anytime Wolffe and Cody came around especially on leave they would team up on you for a wild night. It was your birthday today, and you were waiting for them to at least tell you happy birthday. 

The whole day they seemed too busy with offloading supplies, and making sure their men stayed in line. You thought for sure that they would realize later what day it was, but no such luck, and you stomped off to go meditate. This world could be very hostile from what you had been told from the earthquakes to the creatures that lay in wait for prey. You tried to meditate, but your emotions were going wild. 

“How could they forget?”, you thought out loud. You tossed a rock out onto the small pond in front of you with the force, and watched it stop to sink. You started to get angry at the fact they had forgotten, and before too long you were crying as you swung your lightsaber around in wide arcs to let off steam. After your steam wore off you felt drained and flat out depressed as you made your way back to the camp. The troopers you were close with wished you a happy birthday as you made your way through camp.

It was nice that they at least remembered, but you couldn’t say anything for their leaders. You didn’t want to even think about it as a local gave you a gift. It was a beautiful necklace, and he winked at you. You decided to indulge this young man as he offered his hand to you. You walked with him for a while and talked about the galaxy and how beautiful it was. You agreed and started to feel appreciated. Little did you know three men had their eyes on you and they were glaring holes into your new friend.

“Look, you're really sweet and I thank you for the talk, jewelry and scenery, but I really should get back to camp”, you politely told him. He nodded and started to walk back towards the small town. You could see the glow of the fire of your camp, and started making your way there. You were on the edge of camp when a hand went around your mouth and your waist. You panicked as you kicked, but a pair of hands captured one leg while another pair captured your other leg. 

You noticed they were taking you away from the camp, but not too far as you could still make out faces of some troopers keeping watch. Now between the camp and town you could see with some of the moonlight filtering through the trees, and wait Wolffe and Cody’s helmets, they had a hold of your legs, and when you reached out with the force you could sense Rex to be the one holding your mouth shut, and the arm around your waist. You relaxed and they let go except Rex who still had a hand over your mouth and had pulled you against him. “You have been naughty cya’re. We were going to be gentle with you tonight, but you were with that boy, and you need to be punished”, Cody said pulling out some blankets from a pack he had set on the ground. 

Rex let go of your mouth to place both hands at your hips to spin you to face him. “I think Cody’s right”, Wolffe sounded from over your shoulder. Rex captured your lips as you groaned at the thought of what they had in mind. Rex started to slowly undress you and once you were naked he pushed you onto the ground laying flat on your back on the blankets Cody had placed down. You watched as the men shed their armor and blacks, and you could see their cocks standing at attention.

“Cody I think you should get her ready”, Rex suggested. “I think you're right Rex. Wolffe hold her down”, Cody smiled. He got down and in your position you shut your legs knowing what Cody was about to do. Wolffe had already grabbed your hands and pinned them under his legs. When you looked up Wolffe’s cock was almost in reach of your mouth. “Rex pry her legs apart. I want to finger her until she squirts all over the place”, Cody announced. Rex didn’t even hesitate as he pulled your legs apart and wedged his body between them to keep you from closing them. 

Rex’s cock was so close to your pussy that it clamped down a couple times in anticipation. Cody came up beside you, and reached down to start circling your clit. “She’s so wet I don’t have to warm her up”, Cody announced. You heard Rex and Wolffe groan as their cocks twitched. He easily slid his middle finger into you, and slowly dragged it in and out. Once he was satisfied he added his ring finger, and placed his other hand on your stomach to keep your pelvis down. 

Cody curled his fingers and started to pump his hand up and down. You moaned out as you could feel and hear the squelching sound it made. “That’s it. Cody’s gonna make you squirt all over Rex’s cock”, Wolffe told you. Rex moaned when he thought of you squirting on his cock. You looked down as Cody quickened his pace whimpering and whining as the pressure started to build. Wolffe leaned forward to start flicking your nipples. 

Wolffe’s cock was in range and you opened your mouth to take him. He choked a little as he wasn’t prepared for you to take that action. “That’s right suck his cock while Cody fingers you”, Rex moaned watching the sight in front of him. Wolffe was trying not to thrust into your mouth, but he couldn’t help it. You screamed around Wolffe’s cock as Cody brought you to a squirting orgasm. Rex groaned aloud as your squirt covered his cock, and Cody was proudly looking at you. 

“Good girl now let's get in better positions”, Rex praised. Wolffe reluctantly removed his cock from your mouth to let you up. Rex lay on his back, and pulled you over him as you straddled his hips. You ground down a couple of times on him as he bucked his hips up to grind back. “Sit up baby I want to be inside you”, he coaxed. You did as told and lowered yourself on him. He started thrusting up in shallow thrusts, and worked you until you took his entire cock. You looked to Cody who came to kneel down straddling over Rex’s head and right at your level to take him in your mouth. 

You didn’t hesitate and opened your mouth as Cody let you work him. You licked on the underside of his head , and would pop him out of your mouth to lick his balls, shaft and tip then take him back in your mouth. Every once in a while you would let him thrust, and hit the back of your throat. Wolffe had lubed his cock and came up behind you to gently press his cock head against the star of your ass.

He slowly worked you open, and Rex waited as you slowly took him in. “Alright men I think she is ready”, Wolffe told them. Your eyes widened as they pulled back to thrust into you. You were used to taking this slow, not rough and fast, Rex and Wolffe were bucking into you as hard and fast as they could. Cody had a hold of the back of your head, and was face fucking you at the same pace Wolffe and Rex were. 

You were whimpering as they kept up their brutal pace, but the pain soon turned to pleasure. Rex reached up and started to pinch your nipples to the point they ached, but that soon turned over to pleasure. You orgasmed quickly, and Rex and Wolffe had to slow their thrusts as you clamped down like a vice. Your moans sent vibrations down Cody’s cock, and he held you down on him for a second as you came down from your orgasm. The men did not let up on their pace, and tears were streaming down your face as they kept going.

Their praises were making you light headed, and Wolffe reached down to rub your clit. You cried out and Cody cursed as he spilled into your mouth. You sucked at his head until he had to pull you off his now sensitive head. He pulled back allowing moans, groans and little pleas to fall from your lips. Wolffe and Rex were close, and it didn’t take long for you to hit another orgasm with Wolffe rubbing at your clit. Wolffe came first, and whimpered as he could feel Rex still pumping in and out of you until Rex came as well. 

They let you take a breather as well as themselves, but they were ready to go again. They took up positions again, and Wolffe started to go at your clit again causing you to orgasm with their unrelenting thrusts of their cocks. This orgasm was a bit messier as you squirted soaking Rex’s cock and Wolffe’s balls. Cody was enjoying the sight underneath him as Rex and Wolffe took you. “No other men could make you feel this good”, Cody said as Wolffe brought his hand to your throat.

Wolffe squeezed on your throat and he could feel Cody’s cock when you would take him all the way in.Cody groaned as Wolffe squeezed a little tighter on your throat. Wolffe’s other hand playing with your clit. “(Y/N) I want you to come”, Wolffe commanded as Rex nodded his head frantically. They were close again, and this time you were going to make them pay. Wolffe tapped at your clit, and when you didn’t respond he pinched it.

That had done it, and you came again with a cry as you soaked Rex’s cock again. It didn’t take them long to spill inside you again. This time you used the force to keep all three of them locked in place. Your pussy was still sensitive, but you wanted to give a little payback. “(Y/N) what are you doing?”, Rex asked wide eyed as he couldn’t move. You removed Wolffe’s hand from your throat and placed it at your hip. “(Y/N) let go”, Wolffe growled. Cody was wide eyed as well as you put his hands at his sides. “(Y/N) what are yo….OH KRIFF. (Y/N) STOP I CAN’T… TOO SENSITIVE”, Cody cried out as you started to blow him again. Then you started to ride Rex and Wolffe as well. “No pleASE NO!”, Wolffe almost yelled. “(Y/N) STOP STOP STOP”, Rex tried to grab your hips to stop your movements on their overly sensitive cocks.

It was nice to hear them begging, and were those sobs coming from them. Wolffe was groaning and sniveling as you made your holes flutter down on them. Cody was trying to pull away as you sucked hard on his head. You reached down to play with your clit, and you heard them announce through growls and strained grunts that they were going to come again. You let another orgasm tear through you as you sank down on Rex and Wolffe’s cocks, and took Cody all the way till your nose touched his pubic hairs and started swallowing around him.

They simultaneously came, and you couldn’t help yourself. You started to message their prostates prolonging their orgasms and draining their balls. They were whimpering messes by the time you were done with them. You released them, and they pulled out of you to collapse onto the blankets. “Fek (Y/N) that was amazing”, Rex slurred almost as if he were drunk. “Yeah I don’t think I have ever felt that good”, Wolffe seconded. “If you ever want to do that again I’ll always be ready”, Cody grinned lazily. 

“HOLY KRIFF!”, you all heard multiple voices say. Rex, Wolffe and Cody automatically covered you and then themselves. All of their main men had stumbled into your little love nest. Just great getting caught was the last thing the Captain and two Commanders needed. Now their men would never let them live down how they got caught with one of the 501st Generals. Once the men went back to camp at the orders of Rex, Wolffe and Cody they turned back to helping get dressed again. Once back at camp they all three curled up around you.

“Happy Birthday (Y/N)”, Rex, Wolffe and Cody said in unison. “I honestly thought you all had forgotten it was my birthday”, you replied beaming. “We would never forget our favorite General's birthday”, Rex spoke as the other two nodded. Now that you were content and thoroughly worn out you managed to fall asleep curled up with them around you, and several blankets. The three men quickly following suit.

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I hoped you liked it @gabrielewolffe!

[getitinbusan]

Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Y/N doesn’t want a relationship, especially not with an idol. Jaebeom only wants her. Love after heartbreak and all the things that fall in between. Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Smut. Inspired by lyrics, the bold lettering indicates music or lyrics that can be found in the accompanying serendipitous universe playlist. 

The only reason to go to the club was to pick up, but when everyone knew who you were, it was just a dumb idea.

Yugyeom and Bam Bam however, were all about dumb ideas. 

He hated this scene, didn’t like attention, didn’t like the sloppy drunks and especially didn’t like girls who threw themselves at him. 

He wasn’t sure how exactly they’d talked him into coming here tonight. Sitting at the bar, head down he let his phone distract him until the inevitable happened. 

Waiting for your drink you watched the scene play out. 

“I can’t believe you haven’t bought me a drink yet.” She slithered over to him. 

“Why would I do that?” He answered barely looking up. 

“It’s the least you could give me in return for all things I’m going to do to you tonight.”

“The only thing you’re going to do that makes me happy tonight is walk away." 

A laugh escaped from your mouth and she turned to eye you up and down. 

Ignoring him she leaned in closer inserting her hand between his legs. "Listen, you’re not my type, my dick’s not interested.”

Picking his drink up off the bar she threw it in his face, “Your fucking loss.”

“I think you upset her a little,” you laughed handing him a napkin. 

“Good luck when she drops this as a Dispatch scandal tomorrow.”

The bartender handed you your drink and you started to walk away.

“Wait,” he stood up and offered his hand, “I’m…”

“Lim Jaebeom,” you cut him off leaving his hand outstretched in limbo. 

“You know who I am?”

“I do, and while it was nice to meet you Jaebeom, my dick’s not interested.”

“Wow, that’s just” he grinned…“using my own words against me. I mean… just because you’ve heard of me doesn’t mean you know me.” He was joking, you weren’t.

“I know there’s nothing about your lifestyle I want to be a part of,” you said walking back towards him.

“I know that you’re on tour about 300 days out of the year and the other 65 you’re stuck practicing.”

You got closer, “I know your fans are fucking crazy and they’ll destroy every personal relationship you try to have.”

Closer , "I know that however committed you intend on being, the road gets lonely and you’ve got a whole PR team to cover it up.”

As close as you could be, right in his ear, “Above all, I know that you’re too beautiful and too rich for your own good.”

Backing away, “Did I miss anything?" 

Raising his eyebrow he was intrigued at what had you so bitter, "Can I buy you a drink?”

You smirked before walking away, “Already bought my own, thanks though.”

He’d never had a girl so adamantly deny him and he couldn’t get his mind off of you. Picking up his drink he set off to find the two idiots responsible for bringing him here.

There they were, and there you were about 20 feet away. You looked up and made eye contact, smiling before turning your attention back to your friends. 

Bam Bam was quick to notice, “Oh, JB!! Say it’s not so, I think he’s got his eye on someone Yugyeom." 

Following their glances Yugyeom saw you. "Uh-Uh get that idea out of your head right now, she’s damaged goods." 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jaebeom asked.

“It means,” he pulled up his phone and showed it to JB, “That is Min Yoongi’s ex."  

He took the phone out of Yugyeom’s hand, he remembered seeing these gossip articles a few months ago. Min Yoongi caught in a cheating scandal, secret relationship revealed! 

He didn’t want this. He certainly wasn’t looking for a girlfriend but there you were.

The back story…

They were on to you.

The photographers lurked in corners, cars followed, you could feel their shadows hanging over you wherever you went.

This lifestyle was bullshit. Why the hell did you have to hide? It wasn’t normal to live like this. 

As angry as it made you, you still played along. Year two, fuck you loved him.  He was like an addiction, bad for you but you needed him.

So here you were, circling the block sneaking into your boyfriend’s house like a teenager trying not to get caught. 

It had been the ultimate shit day and it was only 10am. Your alarm hadn’t gone off, you were late for work, got yelled at, quit, stopped for coffee, spilled it all over yourself, cried in the car and now you were dodging the paps just so you could do the one thing that would make you feel better, hug your boyfriend. 

Fuck it, they weren’t letting up, let the chips fall where they may.

Parking on the road you walked to the house as quickly as you could and let yourself in.

Still crying, you closed the door behind you stopping to take a breath and re group. How the hell were you going to explain to Yoongi that you’d just outed your relationship?

Trying to pull your disheveled, tear soaked, coffee stained self together you made the trek to his downstairs studio.

Knocking lightly there was no answer, maybe he had his headphones on. Empty, the usual hub of activity was dark and quiet.

Lately he’d been distant. You thought he was just overworked and stressed. How were you so blind to not realize he must be sinking back into his anxiety.

Making your way upstairs to the bedroom, he was most likely still asleep.

Opening the door, his blackout curtains kept the room shrouded in darkness. You could hear the soothing sound of waves flowing from the white noise machine you’d bought him for Christmas.

Finally, something that made you smile. You would spend the rest of the day curled up beside him forgetting anything existed outside these walls. 

Walking towards the bed your feet caught on something, clothes?

Yoongi was meticulous with his clothing, it wasn’t like him to just leave things lying around.

Your heart began racing, it always knew before your brain clued in that something was off.

Lifting the edge of the covers, you now knew why. Laying naked, curled up together, he clearly hadn’t been having a depression nap.

Flicking the lights on you stood waiting for recognition to kick in. He sat up rubbing his eyes, looking beside him he realized she was still in the bed and it was you standing in the doorway.

That was enough, you turned the light back off and left. There was no crying, he wasn’t worth the tears.

Opening the door, it was as if the paparazzi had multiplied, cameras snapping you, clearly distraught, while he followed in pursuit.

What was the expression? Not with a fizzle but with a bang? You’d hidden for two years but now you were finished, everyone was going to know what he’d done. 

“I’ve wasted two god damn years on you Min Yoongi, I hope you get a fucking STD from your new slut" 

That was that, your whole life spread over the Dispatch gossip page before lunch.

No boyfriend, no job, your life had completely changed over the course of an hour.

It had been four days and you were still on his mind. He couldn’t figure it out; it’s not like you’d even given him a flicker of hope.

“Fuck,” he said aloud as his fingers sent the text.

JB: You’ve got to find out about Y/N for me. I can’t stop thinking about her.

Yug: Why her JB? She’s 100% negative press. Name somebody, anybody else and I’ll hook it up.

JB: I never ask you for anything. Can’t you just fucking call Jungkook and get me her details

-------------------------

Yug: She owns a small bookstore in Ikseon-dong called Serendipity. Listen, Jungkook wasn’t happy about you asking. He said she’s been through enough, and you’d better not fuck her over.

JB: Thanks, I owe you one.

Yug: I hope this doesn’t bite you in the ass.

A bookstore, he grinned, well that was just fate or…serendipity. He could just pretend running into you was a coincidence, everybody knew he loved books.

He pulled it up on Google.

Serendipity, a Bookstore/Cafe located in the heart of Ikseon. A charming Old Hanok hidden amongst the Dongs tiny alleyways

While he scribbled down the address, the reviews caught his eye.

⭐ I don’t know who this whore thinks she is, but I hope her store goes out of business.

⭐ This store is trash just like the owner.

⭐ Stupid bitch deserved to get dumped. I can’t believe Yoongi would find her attractive.

⭐ Poverty ass gold digger. You’d better stay away from our boys.

His heart broke for you, he knew fans could be possessive, but these were just cruel. What terrible things for you to have to read, and for what? False ownership of their idol

-------------------------

Opening the door, the smell of coffee and books filtered through his nostrils, if he could create his own signature fragrance, this would be it. His eyes scanned the shop until he found you, glasses on sitting behind a computer screen at the checkout.

Browsing around he’d glance up every now and again taking you in. He noted how comfortable you looked in your own environment. Unlike at the bar your face was relaxed, soft, even more beautiful than he remembered.

You smiled at the customer you were serving, and he knew he was a goner.

He went back to perusing the shelves, his heart was beating quickly. How was he going to approach you?

“Can I help you find anything,” came from behind him.

He scanned the books quickly, and turned with a smile, “I’m just looking for I Want to Die, But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki.”

You gave no reaction

“Well that’s pretty convenient Jaebeom, because you’re standing right beside it.”

Starting to walk away he caught your hand, “Hey, come on, I’m just trying to know you.”

“Funny, I think you already know all about me, you found me easily enough.” You pulled your hand away.

“Listen JB, I’m a real career killer and it seems like you’re doing pretty well for yourself. Why would you want this kind of drama?”

He knew the words were going to come out wrong but he was trying to say them before you could leave.

“I feel bad for how you’ve been treated, you deserve better. I think that I could make you better, fuck, not that there’s anything wrong with you.. I mean that we could be better….together, not separate.”

“I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me Jaebeom, last call for the pity party ended a while ago. I’m doing just fine putting myself back together.”

“I’m sorry, I promise I’m not usually like this. I don’t know why I can’t talk to you without sounding like an idiot.”

He sighed deeply, “I’m just…is it okay if I stay? I promise I’ll just have a coffee and read, I really like it here.”

“It’s bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want ”

You felt kind of bad, maybe you were being to harsh on him. Bringing his coffee to the table you set it down placing a slice of cheesecake next to it. “It’s on me.”

“Thanks,” he smiled shyly.

“Can I ask why you chose Serendipity? It’s kind of a romantic notion for someone who’s so cynical.”

Cocking a brow you asked, “Are you really interested, or is this you hitting on me?”

He laughed, “I’m not going to stop hitting on you, but yeah, I really want to know.”

You walked away and grabbed a book off the shelf. Sitting beside him, you slid it across the table.

“Have you heard of The Three Princes of Serendip?” He shook his head no.

“It’s a fairy tale. The heroes were always discovering things they weren’t in quest of.”

He thumbed through the pages while he listened to your explanation.

“That day a few months ago,” you interrupted yourself, “I’m assuming you know what day I mean?”

He pursed his lips and nodded.

“Well, I quit the job I hated, I lost my boyfriend and the whole world treated me like I’d done something wrong.”

You shrugged, still not understanding how it all happened.

“I was lost, I had nothing but myself and a handful of hush money from Big Hit. I came here to hideout but instead I found this place for sale. If that’s not a Serendipitous string of events, I don’t know what is.”

He smiled and closed the book, “I think I’ll take this one today.”

Pretending to be shocked you questioned him, “What? You didn’t really want I Want to Die, But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki? ”

“I think I’ll leave that one as an excuse to come back.”

His deep chocolate brown eyes were heavy on you, you know because you made the mistake of looking into them.

“This is a public space, you don’t need to make excuses to come.” You tried to sound flippant.

“And JB…I wasn’t always this cynical, life just hasn’t given me a chance to be anything but.”

-------------------------

He laid in bed reading, or trying to at least. He’d been over the same sentence about four times unable to stop thinking about you. 

-------------------------

You were laying in bed when you heard the ping. You knew it was a stupid idea, but after he left you stalked his accounts, and turned on his post notifications.

-------------------------

The Vlive began, he wanted to tell everyone about a great book he was reading that he’d found in a cool little shop in Ikseon-dong. 

📖 Lady: I’m glad you like it.

Reading your comment he smiled, he really was a beautiful man. You examined his features and expressions but they suddenly changed. He tried to quickly sign off but it was too late.

😭Is he talking about y/n?

😱Are you kidding JB? 

🤮I can’t believe he’s going after Yoongi’s sloppy seconds.

He knew he fucked up and he didn’t know what to do about it. He’d finally made some headway and now he was back to square one. 

So, the next day he was back. Standing in front of your counter he held out a cup of Hotteok.

Before he could speak you jumped in, “See JB, the way this whole retail thing works is, you pick something you want that I’m selling, then give me money for it. Nowhere in the scenario do you bring me random shit just because.”

Your eyes were red, he felt terrible, after only 2 conversations he’d already managed to hurt you. 

“It’s not random shit, it’s an apology. I’m sorry I drew attention to you last night.” he paused, “you don’t deserve to be attacked like that." 

You turned away trying to gain your composure, "The one thing I’ve learned through all this is to never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you’re apologizing for the truth." 

You looked back, "I’ve never apologized for loving Yoongi, because it was real whether people want to believe it or not.”

You sighed, “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t put the target on my back JB it’s been there a while, I’m just sad because now you’ve got one too." 

His heart sank when he realized that you weren’t choosing loneliness to protect yourself, you were keeping your distance so he wouldn’t get dragged into it. 

He placed his large hand over yours as it lay on the counter. "There’s only one thing that’s going to make me walk away from you.” He tipped your chin so you were forced to look into his eyes, “Tell me you don’t want me here." 

The door chimed, you were no longer alone.

"Like I said yesterday, it’s bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want.”

He smiled brightly, “That’s not a no." 

Taking the Hotteok from the counter you were still unsure, but he was right, it wasn’t a no. 

-------------------------

Standing at the bar in the exact spot you’d met him, you’d hoped he’d be here tonight. You felt like a desperate fool with a schoolgirl crush.

Three days had passed since you’d last seen him and despite your best efforts, you found yourself missing him. You hated the way your heart hurt, of course he’d given up why would this be a surprise? 

A hand reached around placing a drink on the bar in front of you. "You look like you could use this, still pining over Min Yoongi?" 

"Actually I’m waiting for a friend Minho." 

"I could be your friend tonight Y/N. I guarantee I can get you to stop thinking about him,” he grabbed your ass. 

“No thanks, I don’t think 5 minutes in your bed will change my world.”

He grabbed the drink back, “No wonder he cheated on you, you’re such a bitch." 

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb…you’d let your guard down and everything was feeling all too personal. Shooting back the last of your Soju you grabbed your jacket and made for the exit. 

"You’re not leaving when I just got here?”

Your traitorous heart fluttered, “I didn’t know I was supposed to be waiting." 

His grin got bigger, "Are you mad because maybe you actually missed me a little?”

Mad, sad, who could tell them apart anymore? 

“Yeah, actually I am and I’m livid with myself for it." 

He put his hand on your waist, "Hey, I’m sorry, I got called for re shoots.”

His thumb rubbed over your hip soothingly, “I only have your work number…I just got back and I was hoping you’d be here" 

A voice shouted from across the bar "Don’t waste your time on that one JB, come sit with us"   

You closed your eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, "You heard the man. I’m leaving anyway, I guess I’ll see ya around.”

Shooting a look at Minho he ran out the door to catch up with you. 

Standing at the curb waiting for a cab he reached his hand out to you. “I wanted to be with you tonight, and I’m pretty sure you wanted to be with me. It’s still early, let’s go somewhere okay, can we still do that?" 

Placing your hand in his, "Only if we’re alone…and there’s alcohol.”

He smiled victorious, “I think I know a place." 

Walking up the crowded street you felt better, anonymous. He kept squeezing your hand making sure you hadn’t slipped away.

"Right here,” he stopped in front of a pink neon lit Karaoke Bar. 

“Karaoke? I think one of us has an extremely unfair advantage JB." 

"Don’t worry I’ll let you win." 

Stepping closer to him you kissed his cheek, "Why are you being so nice to me JB?" 

"Y/N, why do you keep questioning my motives?”

His hand ran up your arm, “I hate that you’ve been mistreated for so long that you don’t realize what normal behavior is.”

He held the door open for you, “How’s a private room and bottle service sound?" 

-------------------------

You consumed copious amounts of Grey Goose as you took turns performing for one another. What you lacked in vocal talent you made up for in your ability to mimic choreography.

"I think I’ve lost my voice,” you shouted after your efforts to sing Itzy’s Wannabe.

“I’m going to have to tell JYP about you, maybe with some training you can debut next year and come on tour with us,” he laughed.

He queued up the next song, “Come here, I want to dance with you." 

You moved into his waiting arms and allowed yourself to surrender to his pursuits. His song came on and you laughed, "it’s so cheesy Jaebeom-ah!" 

He sang anyway, 

Our love will lead the way for us

If the road ahead is not so easy

Like a guiding star

I’ll be there for you if you should need me

You don’t have to change a thing

I love you just the way you are

You let your head rest on his chest, his heartbeat was louder, more important than the words he was singing.

Glad he was holding you up, you felt a little drunk, a little in love and for once, you weren’t going to stop yourself. 

He kissed the top of your head and held on a little tighter, "So does this mean you’ll finally give me your number?”

You looked up at him nodding, locking eyes he moved slowly closer, lips almost touching …until his phone went off.

He frowned, “Fuck, it’s management. Sorry I’ve got to check in. Just stay in my arms ok?" 

"You’re going to read texts over my shoulder? How romantic,” you jibed, but you didn’t break away. 

JYP: Dispatch has reached out to us for comment regarding a new dating scandal. They were tipped off that you were with Y/N at Cakeshop Night Club tonight and now they are outside of the Karaoke bar waiting for photos. We need to discuss your intentions immediately. A car will pick you up in 15 mins, wait inside for security. Do not leave the building together as it is still controllable speculation.

You could feel his body react to what he was reading, deep breaths, tensed muscles and finally pulling you in tightly. “What is it J?" 

"I’ve got to get you out of here, the press are outside" 

He handed you his phone, "add your number.”

But JYPs text was still open and you saw every word.

You keyed in your info and switched it off before handing it back. 

You breathed deep, “You know, sneaking in and out of buildings is my specialty,” You put your hand over his heart and gave a sad smile.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m sure there’s a back entrance, I’ll just grab a cab home. If you go out the front they’ll be too busy taking photos of you, they’ll never notice me.”

You tried to sound confident and uncaring so he’d do what was best but Jaebeom had his own plan. 

“Get your stuff, we’re going out the front together." 

He pulled your hand through the bar and out the front door. Lights flashed as they took their photos for tomorrow’s headlines.

Hailing a cab he leaned over and kissed your lips, "I’m going to call you as soon as I can okay?”

You weren’t okay, your first kiss would be your last kiss. Your smile hid the stabbing pain in your heart, you knew it was over before it had started.

“Jaebeom,” you called him back after he closed the car door behind you, “It’s been a really great time.”

He smiled and waved.

Getting into the companies blacked out Suburban he was happy, he was going to stand his ground.

He’d felt bad that your first kiss had been under these circumstances so he opened his phone to text you a quick apology.

Searching the contacts  he found your entry, “I’m sorry” with random numbers underneath. 

So much for not getting attached. Unlocking the door you collapsed crying, the exhaustion of life had finally beaten you into submission.

The shrill ring of the store’s landline broke through the quiet of the courtyard, a reminder of his persistence. He wasn’t going to give up so you had no other choice but to cut him off. 

-------------------------

Barely having slept, coffee in hand, you made your way over the wooden path to the store.

The indication light was flashing in a rhythm that brought back the sound of his heartbeat in your ear. 

You have one unheard message…

Y/N, I know that you were happy last night, don’t walk away from this…from me.  Do you remember the day I first came into your shop? You asked me how I intended to fix you? I didn’t know then, I was just grasping for a shot…but…I know now..I’m just going to love you. All you have to do is let me…can’t you just let me?“ 

Reaching out you hit delete and tried to convince yourself it was for the best. 

-------------------------

Watching from your office he’d come in everyday for a week. The staff, as instructed, told him you weren’t there but several times he’d caught you looking at him through the window.

He looked hopeful but you were sure he’d get over it, you’d get over it. 

There was a light knock on your door before the handle turned. 

"Hey, sorry Y/N, he insisted on leaving this for you.” She placed the book on your desk and left. 

Running your hands over the cover you could tell it was well loved. 

Its condition would normally drive you nuts but it was his, and in his passionate demeanor he’d most likely tackled it head first, caution less, as was his way. 

You were unfamiliar with it, Tablo’s “Pieces of You."  Flipping through the marked up pages you found a bookmark, a hand drawn blue tree with flower petal leaves pointing to what he wanted you to see. 

"So here I am, 

Choosing to kick away the ladder 

So that I may remain at your side.

I understand your solitude 

I see your shadow.”

His phone number was scribbled on the inside cover with the inscription. “When you’re ready, whether it’s tomorrow or two years from now." 

-------------------------

The worn book sat on your desk catching your eye every so often. He hadn’t been in for a few days, had he given up? Why did it hurt to think maybe you’d never see him again?

"Fuck,” you opened the cover And picked up your phone. 

Y/N: I miss you and I don’t want to do that anymore.

JB: You don’t have to, just let me in. 

Y/N: I need some time. 

JB: I’m just….Y/N…don’t shut me out okay?

He left you space as requested ….sort of.

Every night you got notifications of his v lives. He talked to you indirectly through the camera, speaking about the books he’d read while sending secret messages through his song choices playing in the background.

He looked happy and he never wavered when your name was brought up by the fans. He stood up for you, called you a friend and told people they shouldn’t say such horrible things. 

Slowly he was breaking your resolve, you were healing. 

📖 Lady: I really enjoyed Pieces of You. 

He smiled knowing you were online. He queued up his next track, it was Junny’s By my side  and he sang…

stay right by my side

And let me teach you how to love

With you I just can’t get enough, oh girl

He closed his eyes and hummed in contentment.

Your phone notification broke the  trance Jaebeom’s sweet melody had lulled you into.  

Yoongi: Can we meet, I think we should talk.

Y/N: I don’t fucking think so.

Yoongi: it’s about Jaebeom.

-------------------------

You got to the coffee shop early and were surprised he was already there, punctuality was never his strong suit.

He stood to greet you. Thinking better of the hug he was going for, he gestured to the chair.

“I want to say I’m sorry”…he stammered over his words.

“I know it means nothing and you hate me but…I am…sorry.”

He remembered your order and it was already on the table.

“Can we just cut the shit. Why exactly do you want to talk to me about Jaebeom?”

He ran his hand up the back of his neck, “I keep getting messages from the fans about you two.”

“You know what Yoongi, I’m tired of your fucking fans. They’ve sent me hundreds of death threats, they write rude comments on my business page and now that someone actually likes me again they keep telling him that I’m a piece of shit."

You spit the feelings that had been trapped inside you out at him.  

"You know you could have told them to stop, but you didn’t.”

He looked at you puzzled and pulled up his weverse page.

“You think it’s only you?”

He scrolled through reading you select comments.

“I’ve lost all respect for you Yoongi… I can’t believe you’re a cheater. Here, this one’s great……..Y/N deserves better, I’m happy she’s with JB now…"

You were shocked, not once had you seen or received messages that were team Y/N.

"Well you fucking deserve it."

He shrugged, "Jaebeom, he’s a decent guy…Jungkook’s been talking to Yugyeom and word is you’re not giving him a chance because of what happened.”

He wouldn’t look up from his Americano.

“Don’t let me fuck up your life any more than I already have okay, I’m not worth it."

You sighed, reaching across the table to touch his arm.

"I appreciate that you’d come here to tell me that."

He picked up your hand and held it tightly in his.

"I’m sorry I did this to you. Let him be the man I couldn’t."

Standing to leave he kissed your cheek, grabbed his coffee and walked away.

-------------------------

Sitting in your office there was a soft knock at the door, "Hey, sorry, I just…did you,” she approached apprehensively with a cup of tea, “have you seen the dispatch page?”

It didn’t take long, the photos, the headlines, the comments…

Yoongi and Y/N are back together! Seen today, the couple were holding hands and kissing over coffee. Was she just using Lim Jaebeom?

You felt the wind knocked out of your lungs, of course this would happen.

Had Jaebeom seen? What would he think? As you sat panicking he sent a text.

JB: Just can’t manage to stay out of trouble, huh? I’m beginning to think you tip off your own location to Dispatch to grab the headline.

You threw your phone into the drawer and slammed it shut.

He waited, no answer, shit… he’d shoved his foot in his mouth again.

Why did he turn into a completely inarticulate unfunny  idiot when it came to you?

JB: Y/N I’m sorry that was supposed to be a joke…

-------------------------

You looked at your assistant, “I think I really fucked up, you want to go out and get completely loaded tonight?"

She smiled agreeing, "I’ll start closing, you go put on something sexy."

You stood to leave, "May as well, If I’m going to get accused of stupid shit I might as well make it worthwhile.”

-------------------------

The drinks flowed freely and you just didn’t give a fuck anymore, about anything. If they were all watching, you didn’t care. You danced, you sang, you laughed, you needed no one. Until he was in front of you.

“Shit, let’s go”, you grabbed your friends hand but she smiled devilishly at you.

“I called him, its time to get the fuck over it Y/N. You’ll thank me later,” She waved him in and walked away.

Zeroing in on you, he made his way over. Ready on the defensive you expected him to be angry.

In your best effort to save face you’d cut him off before he could you.

“If you want to be mad at me go ahead, but I fucking warned you this would happen.”

You were pointing at his chest, trying to drive your point home.

“So if you’re here to tell me you don’t want anything to do with me, you go right ahead Lim Jaebeom."

"Are you done?” He raised his voice.

“You are the most stubborn girl I’ve ever met Y/N. I’ve gone to bat for you for the last month, I never gave up. AND! despite how hard you’ve pushed me away I’ve never left. Do you think I’d actually walk away because of a dispatch article?"  

You both stared in a deadlocked gaze. Time standing still until he wrapped his arms around your waist. You could feel a million eyes on you all at once.

"Take me home Jaebeom.”

He grinned and kissed your forehead, “I thought you’d never ask."

The ride was quiet, you tucked your head under Jaebeom’s arm, the vehicle’s movements making you sleepy. He held your hand like a nervous high school boy, afraid what he really wanted to happen was about to happen.

The car pulled up to the front of his place and he smiled nudging you awake. “We’re here.“

Drunk and groggy you looked around, "where’s here?"

He put his arm around your waist to keep you from falling over, "You’re at my place, in Hannam. Remember? You asked me to bring you home?”

You looked him up and down giggling, “Yeah I did.”

Trying to balance you and getting his key in the lock he finally got the door open. At least 5 cats came running to greet him, “Oh my God JB, you’re a crazy cat lady!"

"This is why I can’t have friends over,” he picked up the smallest fluffy one and kissed it’s head.

The pretty little Siamese brushed against your leg until you picked her up. He looked shocked, “She doesn’t like anyone."  

"You purred into her fur, "Well I’m not just anyone, am I?”

“Clearly."

He walked over and took the cat from your arms, "Let’s take care of you. What can we do to minimize the hangover you’re going to have in the morning?"

He held your face in his hands. "What do you need?"

You were feeling a little dizzy, whether it was from the alcohol or his proximity you couldn’t be sure.

"Maybe some fresh air, water…your arms to keep me from falling over.” You propositioned.

He slid the balcony door open and led you outside. “You’re going to have to hold onto the rail till my arms get back."  

The air was cool and you closed your eyes inhaling deeply, everything felt right.

Perched atop the Seoul Skyline the stars shone brightly in the astronomical twilight. In the grand scheme of all the overblown things that had taken place in the last few months, you were still just a small player in a larger roll occurring around you.

A helicopter broke through the silence of the night "Uh-oh, looks like Dispatch tracked you down already.”

You shot him a look, “what, too soon?”

He passed you a glass and an aspirin, “Drink.”

He stood close beside you, leaning on the rail staring out at the city.  You walked your hand over closing the distance until it touched his.

“I want to apologize."

He cut you off, "you really don’t have to, you didn’t do anything wrong."

He brought his hand the rest of the way to lay over top of yours.

"I’m pretty sure you once told me  to never apologize for showing your feelings because if you do you’re apologizing for the truth."

Amazed you turned to him, "You remember me saying that?"

He nodded as you moved towards his lips.

He pulled back, "Y/N, you’re drunk, I’ve already ruined our first kiss I’m not going to let you forget the second."  

"You’re a good guy JB"

He wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your head.

"Unfortunately I am…so I’m going to have to send you to bed."

You looked up at him with big eyes and a pout, "You don’t want to sleep with me?”

“Jesus Christ, you think I don’t want you? You’re really making me question my morals right now.”

He ran his hand up your arm and sighed while spinning you back towards the door.

Flipping the switch his bedroom lit up before you.

“It’s so cozy Jaebeom-ah. Cats, Plants, nice sheets…how are you still single?"

He handed you a t-shirt from his drawer, "I was kind of hoping I’m not anymore…you can sleep in this."

You grabbed it looking upset, "I’m going to feel bad if you sleep on the couch.”

He undid the zipper that ran up the back of your dress. “You’re going to feel bad in the morning anyway plus you’re not even going to remember this conversation."  

You broke out the pout again, "What if I get scared or lonely?”

He bent down and picked up the cat that had followed you since you arrived.

“Nora is the best company and she wouldn’t dare let anything happen to you.” He kissed your forehead and pointed, “Bed, now."

He was still laughing at you as he turned off the light and closed the door.

-------------------------

You woke up in the huge bed, alone save for the tiny cat curled up into your side. The smell of coffee wafted under the door calling you to get up but your head swam in scenarios.

You remembered him being a complete gentleman, you remembered falling asleep against the pillow that smelt like him, you remembered…he was just on the other side of the door.

You liked it here, you didn’t want to leave. You wanted him to know you weren’t a waste of time, you’d already lost so much of it by pushing him away.

Grabbing your phone you composed your words into a poem you needed him to hear.

I was fine on my own, every night I slept alone

The distance kept me safe

It’s easier to fake the feel than dance around with something real

Promises might break

Then you came along and said that I was different

You were missing something and it felt like we should see

Normally, I’d fall away, your face is a distraction

But I like the way that you’re distracting me

I went home before my friends so I could hear your voice again

But it feels strange to care

I hesitate to say out loud that when I’m drunk and in a crowd

I pretend you’re there.

We watch the helicopters from the top of your apartment

And all I could think is I don’t want to leave

Normally, I’d fall away, your face is a distraction

But I like the way that you’re distracting me

I’m writing this from your bed while you’re in the other room

I like what you do to me, and I wanna tell you soon.

Maybe you’ll shy away, maybe you’ll fall apart

It’s hard being honest, but I’m being honest

Get in the play, running your fingers through my hair

Don’t wanna behave, how do you act when no one’s there?

Feeling inside, feeling a way, it’s different and it’s working

Oh, you make me nervous, oh, you make me nervous

You read it over and flopped back on his pillow…send…you  heard his notification go off ….you waited.

-------------------------

There was a soft knock before he turned the handle.

He looked beautiful standing in the doorway. His pajama pants hung low on his waist, it was the first time you’d caught a glimpse of his body and your breath hitched at the sight.

Wrapped in nothing but his sheet you pulled the covers back in invitation.

He walked over to where you sat,  "Is this what you really want?”

You bit your lip and nodded.

He pulled his pants off letting them fall to the ground and he crawled in beside you.

His hands drew through your hair and his lips found their way to yours…properly, undisturbed, no flashbulbs to commemorate the event. It was soft and languid, his tongue taking its time to explore your mouth.

He pulled away to stare at you, “Tell me I can finally have you."

"All of me Jaebeom…I’m yours.”

He caressed your face, thumb sliding between your lips, over your chin and down your neck as he kissed into the crevice of your collar bone.

It had been so long, yet it had never felt like this. You could feel his desire with every touch, his lips, his fingertips and his hard cock pressed up against your hip.

“I want you so bad J,” your hands tugged through his hair as you wrapped your leg around his body to guide him in closer.

“Shit..Shit…do you have a condom? I just never thought this would happen..fuck"

You both collapsed back onto  the bed breathing heavy.

"Ugh, no,” you sighed frustrated.

He put both hands over his face, disappointed that even this moment couldn’t go smoothly.

You rolled into his side, “I never stopped taking the pill…and after what happened, I did get tested…I mean, if you’re not okay with it..it’s okay…we can wait.”

He placed his hand on your cheek and kissed you softly, “I haven’t been with anyone in years, it’s mandatory we get tested during our physicals…"

"Fuck thank God!” You rolled on top of him and ground yourself over him.

Laying kisses down his chest you let your fingers skim lightly over his abs. His skin tingled with goosebumps under your touch and you felt him twitch at your center.

“Are you ready?”

He nodded biting his lip, “Please."

He held your hips as you lined yourself up over him. Not breaking eye contact you slowly lowered yourself, taking him into you.

You felt like you could cry, it had been so long since you’d let yourself feel the intimacy of  giving yourself to someone.

You both moaned in unison as he hit your cervix. "You feel so good,” he sighed.

You didn’t move, you wanted to feel him in you, feel him filling you, this wasn’t just sex. You were both here, in the same place at the same time feeling the same thing.

There was no past, only two people fusing themselves to one another’s future.

You began rocking your hips. Looking down his face was focused, beautiful, lost. His lips were parted and soft breaths escaped from between them every time you met back together.

He held you pressed against him as he sat upright. Brushing away your sweaty hair he kissed your neck, your shoulders and down to your breasts. He touched them reverently, his fingertips brushing lightly over your nipples making you clench around him.

His face scrunched up, “oh my god baby, you can’t do that.. it feels too good.”

Pushing his hair back you placed kisses all over his face, “We can do this all day, as many times as we want, I’m not going anywhere.”

He secured his arm around you and flipped you onto your back.

Hands on both sides of your face he rolled his hips into you. He hit different, deeper, the repetitive sliding building up the orgasm inside you.

It wasn’t rushed but it was excited, your hands, mouths and bodies had no motive other than providing each other pleasure.

Wrapping both legs around him you held him tightly against your core. “I’m so close Jaebeom, so close…”

Your head was thrown back and your hands gripped the pillows beside you. You felt him cumming, spilling out of you as he continued. He didn’t give up until your nails were dug deep into his skin and he could feel you pulsing around him.

He collapsed on top of you trying to catch his breath, “Are you okay? Was it okay?”

You couldn’t help but smile at his sincerity, “It was perfect.”

Your voice trailed off and immediately noticing, he sat up to look at you.

“I’m scared Jaebeom, I don’t want this to start wrong, I don’t want to keep us a secret."

"Then let’s not.” He grabbed his phone and held it up to take a picture.

“Are you fucking nuts?” You asked while hiding in the sheets beside him.

He tapped the keys, “What are you writing?”

He wouldn’t answer you, “Jaebeom-ah, give me the phone…stop!"

Smiling he hit SHARE and handed it to you.

What you need to know:

1: I am in love with a girl and I think that she’s in love with me.

2: I am incredibly happy.

What you don’t need to know:

1: Anything else about us.

2: Especially not why I’m in bed at 2:30 in the afternoon

3: Or that Y/Ns hiding under the covers beside me.

[averysexyleon]

Karl x Ada opener

Authors note: This is an intro to a two person roleplay between Ada Wong and Karl Heisenberg. You didn't know you needed it, but baby you did.

Strauss, or maybe the static between the notes, was starting to sound more like the grinder Karl was using. The engineer sneered to himself and dropped the tool to pound his gloved fist on the radio, which sat on the same pile of metal as his current Soldat installation.

The banging didn't help, and Karl frowned over at the cord. The ELF installation should have cleaned up the clarity of the radio. Maybe it had a blown speaker. He picked up the grinder and with a glance at the radio, it turned off. Now Wiener Blut's oddly lighthearted echoes left the subterranean chamber and Karl was left with his thoughts.

This probably wasn't the best way to work. The headgear he was cutting was for the corpse on the next table over; the cadaver was setting out to thaw. Implantation was never successful on a meat popsicle. It would be hours before this neural visor was done, so it was a rewarming race--Karl hated when the corpses began to decompose, when the too-familiar scent of rot overtook the rooms.

Now he'd done it; he glanced over at the corpse and then found himself lost again, not thinking, just staring emptily at the cadaver. What time was it? It had to be four in the morning. He removed a glove and his glasses, rubbing his eyes mostly as an excuse to not look at the grey carcass. He needed a break. Maybe Strauss had been trying to warn him.

He spun on his stool away from the intricate wiring and stacks of metal, to another workstation. He removed his other glove and now, without his dark glasses dimming the view, he reached for the wooden music box. It was comically out of place in his dreary workroom, painted a powder blue color and embellished with beautiful wood carvings and gold leaf.

DONNA was emboldened on the top, glittering in the reddish-orange light Karl insisted on working under.

She'd had another fit, some kind of depression or psychosis, and had broken it. Again. It had been a gift from her father, one of the best wood carvers in Europe, and thanks to Donna's own skilled hand it retained most of its splendor. But it also took a lot of beatings when she was, as Miranda said, "having an episode." An episode of missing her parents, Karl mused, turning the top over to look at the brass plating of the musical part. Imagine, being taken from your home and experimented on causing mental damage. Who would have thought.

It was, of course, that decrepit and obnoxious doll she'd spoken to Karl through, asking in syrupy tones to pretty please fix it. For decades now, Karl insisted that Donna use her own voice when asking a favor from him, which caused her excess stress...this time, he just didn't argue. It wasn't a big deal. He was angry at Miranda for discarding her "special daughter" and one of the "Lords"--what a fucking joke--instead of Donna, who he usually couldn't blame for having loose screws.

It was supposed to play "Für Elise." He inspected it, turning the box carefully while willing the parts to move. First it wound, and he heard the correct pauses between each click of thread. The winder wasn't broken. Now it released. Karl listened to the clunks that resonated from the little plates, a sad mimicry of Beethoven. A hammer or two was broken, it seemed, and one coil was off-center.

He wondered if using his hands was necessary, but then noticed a broken hinge on the lid. Might as well open it up, that would need a new metal lip. This was even more comical; a spring-loaded ballerina was poised to spin when he opened the lid. She popped up, waiting on the music box to send her into a pirouette. The little dancer looked sappily up at him as if challenging him to stare back.

He moved the ballerina close to his faintly luminescent yellow irises. One of her legs was cracked, her skirt askew from the throw that broke the music box.

"Donna, you really have lost your fucking mind if you think I'm gluing that." Donna of course would never--her craft supplies could work far more wonders for a ballerina fracture and wardrobe malfunction than anything Karl had in his entire factory. Just as he leaned forward, happy to repair the music box mechanism, a strangely modern sound blipped from the hall speaker.

"Son of a bitch," he said aloud, and dropped the music box. Karl swiftly, almost troubledly, exited the room and strode down the dark hallway.

Karl was always hesitant to introduce any "modern" tech into the factory, but as time went on it became evil necessity. Still, his paranoia was so excessive that he wired security systems to all devices: a speaker gave a tone any time an email made its way to his closed network. He rarely got any form of communication and liked it that way.

However, he'd had a thorn in his side ...awhile now. She called herself a few things, but he knew the truth. She was a goddamn spy. Karl listened to Miranda's sparse bits of information about contact with Albert Wesker, and organizations to help with her "science" projects long enough to pick up the name.

Ada Wong. Dangerous, calculating, murderous, mysterious, and not to be trusted with any level of seriousness. Blah blah blah. It wasn't as though Miranda thought any spy could be a personal threat. Oh no, that would mean Miranda didn't see herself as an infallible god. That would mean admitting there was a possibility where she didn't continue to get everything she wanted.

Let the bitch think so. But Karl had plenty of reason to want his motives and information kept away from a spy.

She found him, or he found her, when he was digging for information on the "Connections" group that Miranda kept flying to the US to meet with the past few months. Whatever she had planned with that group, it was big. No calculations required for Karl to feel an uneasy pit in his stomach. It was a big deal, and not in a good way.

Ada seemed to have information about it, but was pressing HIM to exchange what he had and knew. He had no intention of giving anyone anything, actually. And the longer the pair surreptitiously exchanged cryptic little notes with no discernable meaning, the angrier he got. And the more paranoid.

Now here she was, bothering him again.

He entered the pitch black room with no trouble at all, and nearly slapped the button that woke the screen. His eyes danced over her typed note, and Karl finally snapped. He knew he would never find safety in shadows, and interrupting his work was getting fucking old. Didn't she have any manners? And wasn't he a LORD???

As it usually did, genius struck him as his anger manifested.

He fumbled with the audio recording option, finally found it. Leaning over the monitor Karl spoke, for the first time, directly to the faceless, personless woman. His voice was recorded, little wave forms dancing across the screen.

"I'm done with the chess, Ada." His accent stressed the first A, as though he were mocking her name itself.

"I've got too much shit to do to be pen pals. You wanna talk shop, you meet me in the stronghold past the Forbidden Woods. I'll give you a week. Sunset."

It was perfect, he decided as he sent the clip. If this was a plant by Miranda to test his loyalty, the excuse of the Stronghold would be literal execution for any typical traveler. That's how he dealt with spies. Problem solved.

If that wasn't the case, and if Ada was as skilled as that Wesker had made it seem, then she might just live and he would deal with her then. If she wasn't a plant, and wasn't skilled, well. The Lycans would deal with that too.

He wondered as he left the room, telepathically turning the radio on again and hearing the magnificent tones of Kommt, ihr Töchter filter into the hallway, what day it was. Would he even remember when a week had passed?

Karl withdrew a cigar from his inner pocket. "You're gonna have to wait a little longer for a heartbeat, you poor bastard," he mused to the corpse, fishing for his lighter. "Gotta fix a fuckin' ballerina."

The choir, still scratchy, swelled from the radio speakers.

Seht! Wohin? Auf unsre Schuld!

Sehet ihn aus Lieb und Huld!

"Can't ask for better hold music."

[liamoftheirish]

Task 24 - OOC About Your Character

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

To see him and his story develop, especially with relationships. 

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Strong, fierce, caring.

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Liam was my first muse in this game, and I always wanted to play someone that went against typical fantasies of wealth and power, instead someone simple-life oriented, quiet, reserved, cold who could develop into something more if unlocked.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Nothing really, everything is carefully crafted to put Liam in the mindset he needs to be in; I already re-wrote his history when I left the game and came back, to flesh him out better. 

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Don’t be afraid to open up and love again.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

He’s not very sentimental or materialistic, but if possible, maybe one more day with his wife that would let him get closure. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

His unwavering conviction: He has his beliefs, he has his loyalties, and those don’t stray, and it’s an admirable trait to have a strong conviction that you don’t let falter. 

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?  

His confidence in himself and his beliefs, to not care so much what others think.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I would love Liam to be happy, I thought there was a chance at first, but that fell off; since then, it seems the options are there, but it’s on him to be more open to allow for it. Clearly the man has lived a violent, angry, and lonely life, one that he created himself because of his nature. He hasn’t allowed himself to love since his wife passed (by his hands in a blood rage), and he hasn’t allowed himself to love again. There’s been a few that have nearly unlocked that, but it’s not until he allows himself to admit it and forgive himself, that he’ll ever be truly happy.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do, even if he doesn’t seem ‘angsty’, fact is stuff bothers him inwardly and he worries. He just doesn’t like to show weakness or too many sides to himself. He has been more open, and recently been questioning some of his actions. Hurting him the most would be him harming someone he cares deeply about.

11. What do you love about your muse?

His confidence, and again, his unwavering conviction. His simple-life mindset is also something I greatly appreciate.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

His coldness and closed off mindset.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that pop-culture references just go flying over his head, because he just does not care a thing about film or TV.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

The fact that he feels so lonely despite his friends. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

He’ll be cold, distant, a bit stand offish. May be a bit intimidating, and maybe a bit too matter-of-fact in speaking, seems to lack any real filter. If you can accept that and work past it, he’s a good friend to have though.

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Probably, but it’d be hard for me to feel comfortable to call him a friend; I’d be pretty intimidated around him until I got to know him.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m more open, empathetic, able to befriend people easier, but Liam has a confidence and conviction that I lack and wish I had. I wish I could care less about what people think of me, and be more confident in who and what I am.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We both care deeply about people we love, we’re both a bit quieter, and both of us aren’t the most social of butterflies; while Liam would prefer to sit at home wood working and working on cars, I’d more than happily sit at home and write or watch movies.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

Again, it’s his pure and unwavering confidence and conviction. I think that probably is the same with Liam as well, holding onto his identity is so invaluable to him, because if he loses that he’ll lose control and that’s when he’ll slip back into what he used to be. He struggles with the fact that he’s a violent, insatiable killer, but at the same time has compassion for life and doesn’t WANT to just attack and kill. And he has to make sure he accepts that aspect of him, of what he WANTS to be, so he can balance that against what he can be. His confidence and conviction helps maintain that balance.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

While Liam’s fundamentals, his rules to live by and moral convictions have mostly stayed the same. He has slowly opened up more, been more open to listen and talk with people; though, he doesn’t often talk about himself, he can let a bit of his past slip in here or there. He’s learned to not look at others as potential enemies or victims, but instead daring to call some of them friends. He’s able to laugh more, joke more, hopefully someone’s willing to push that to the next level someday.

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Matt

2.     What is your profession?

Beer and Wine Steward

3.     What do you do to relax?

Listen to music, write, watch films, play video games.

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

Ice Cream on fresh-baked brownie/cookie with fudge dripped over it all.

5.     Favorite movie -

I’m a massive film buff, so almost every movie is a favorite to me in some fashion. I adore Star Wars for several reasons, not all of them good. Maybe my favorite movie is probably a toss up between The Big Lebowski or No Country for Old Men, any film with incredible dialogue really. But then I also absolutely love beautiful BS like the MCU films and got shivers during the Portals scene in Endgame, so yea... no idea really.

6.     Favorite book -

Currently: The Immortal Irishman - Timothy Egan (This needs to be made into a movie)

7.     Favorite vacation spot -

My favorite vacation I ever went on is a toss up between trip with friends to Portland for a wedding, and Chicago for Star Wars Celebration, but I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland. I intend to try next year.

8.     Favorite Disney movie -

The Lion King (I’m basic bitch like that, don’t at me.)

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

I started playing back when I was around 13 or 14, back on AOL, playing a Jedi in a D&D like setting... because that’s what I knew. People were accepting of it, and it was some of the greatest experience. I love story telling. 

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

AOL. And why Tumblr? AOL moved to Greatest Journal, which died, and moved to Insane Journal, and I met a girl there who told me about Tumblr RP, which I said ‘that sounds stupid’... and now I’m here. So there’s that. I still really don’t know what I’m doing half the time on Tumblr, no idea how to discover games on this platform, lol.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

100% it’s tenses. Past/present, I just write how I talk and it’s bad writing, I know. I will also simultaneously explain way too much in depth, and other times get ridiculously lazy writing in-depth.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Just English. I’ve tried to learn other languages, but for whatever reason it’s very hard for me to wrap my mind around sentence structure and grammar rules in other languages.

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Depends. If it’s just basic writing, an easy-going scene, probably not? I can get distracted from time to time; however, if I’m trying to get into a specific mood most definitely. Or if I feel a scene is heading somewhere that needs a good soundtrack? I’m a sucker for soundtracks in film, and music can really drive my mood (which is why it can be a distraction). And sometimes I write a scene specifically because I was hearing music that put me in that mood.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Evening. Which is why changing positions at work will help me, when I start working more during the day. When I work at night it’s hard for me to get up and get going enough in the morning to write. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Do you know how many times I write something exhausted, and when I come back to read it I absolutely hate it? It affecs me greatly...

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Motivation, mood. I’m up and down in my moods, and sometimes I’m feeling down, exhausted, both, or sometimes I just feel inadequate in my writing and hate writing because I judge my abilities and suddenly don’t want to write. 

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

None? It’s more my mood and how far I get behind that’s paralyzing, but when I’m not feeling down or depressed, I’m in a normal mood or a great mood, I can write 30 threads in a single sitting and not miss a beat. I’m sure others can attest to how far I can turn around a reply when I’m on my game. (probably annoyingly).

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

It’s probably Godmodding, it takes away from the fun of writing WITH people if you’re trying to control their actions.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Things that make me think about my character, or have my character think. Things that make me really develop my character’s mind.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

I love dialogue in film, so maybe it’s a bit ironic that writing dialogue can easily be an achilles heel for me. It’s hard for me to write fluff or small talk, because I’ve personally never been very good at small talk, and focusing that in my writing is difficult. Fluff is kind of the same way, because it’s all romantic and cheesy and really? I feel a bit embarrassed when writing it. Though that’s more or less for some characters more than others. Murad I can get a bit more fluffy and small talky because I can be outwardly weird with him, where as Liam... his quiet reserve and demeanor make those difficult.

[askaalaska-vdeppressed]

Can you write a professor membrain x reader imagine where professor comes home from a long day at work and its hot so hes sweating and really tired so his s/o helps him take off his boots and coat and cool down and they cuddle and kiss and hold hands and do cute stuffsmmgkgjdsdodk (∩´﹏`∩) sorry if its too much

This was such fun to write for and I hope you enjoy 

There was something serene about sitting at the kitchen table. Maybe it was the utter silence that surrounded you. Maybe it was the soft light filtering through the window. Maybe it was the slight heat from the oven, that was currently baking a batch of cookies.  Maybe it was just the inner peace inside you filtering out. Sitting in your partners house, waiting for him to return, you were perfectly content. Before you would have been sitting home alone, a cat on you lap, and discontent running in your soul.  

Dating the professor was one of the best things to happen to you. After having to move away from your family due to work, a restlessness grew in you. Up until that point you had always worked in places where you at least knew someone in the area. This had been the first move where you were quite alone. You and the cat made quite the duo, staying home drinking wine on Friday nights. But doing that every night had quickly become depressing. You were always amicable with others, but you valued your alone time. This was maybe the first time in your life that you desperately just wanted someone to walk through the door.  Someone, anyone, just to have a conversation about something outside of work. Looking back, you were really vulnerable when you first moved. Any stranger could have offered you a hand and you would have taken it. You were extremely lucky that that stranger was Membrane.  

You hadn’t known who he was when you first met, which had immediately attracted him. Turns out being a world-famous scientist made it hard to find people to connect with that were true. Your relationship had moved quickly, you were both adults and both very straight forward people. You each knew what you liked and that just so happened to be each other.  

HIs children had taken to it well for the most part. As far as you knew there was no mother in the picture, it was a question you purposely never asked. At first the kids seemed surprised. (well you thought Gaz was surprised but she hid her expressions very well) Their dad hardly left the house when he wasn’t working so seeing him walk in with a new partner had to have been at least a little jarring. Gaz had warmed up to you easily enough. It was probably because you usually made or brought food with you. Dib didn’t welcome you quite as quickly. He seemed wary of you at first, like he suspected you of taking advantage of his father. It actually wasn’t until he saw you watching an episode Buzzfeed Unsolved that he started to warm up to you. Dib and you had had several conversations about the paranormal after that. He seemed to enjoy that you took what he said seriously, even if you didn’t always believe it.  

Coming over to Membrane’s house every Wednesday had become a tradition. Dib and Gaz were almost always either gone or busy with work on Wednesday night. Meaning it was a perfect time for and your partner to catch up on some quality time together. That was one of the best parts about Membrane and yours relationship, it didn’t matter what you were doing, as long you were doing it together you were both happy.  

Maybe that was why you were so content, because soon enough you would have your favorite person by your side once more. The timer for the oven went off, signaling that your cookies were done. Leaning over to grab them you heard the door open, a set of boot clad feet coming into your side view.  

“Hello love how was yourrrrr, ooh”

One look at him and you could tell that Membranes day had not gone well. Dark angry stains marred his usually pristine white coat. His face was flushed and sweating profusely, a stain of sweat having made the collar of the coat discolored. Even his high and eccentric hair was drooping low in defeat. However the biggest giveaway was that his goggles and gloves had already been tossed of, landing haphazardly in a chair. Membrane had always been wary of exposing his robotic arms.  Partly because they freaked people out, and partly because the mechanics got caught on clothing items quite easily.  

You step the tray of cookies down quickly and hastened to usher him to the chair you had vacated. He seemed perplexed but he was much too tired to argue with you. Leaning in front of you him, you tried to give him your best loving smile. Your hand cupped his face, still quite sweaty, but you didn’t mind. You would give him whatever he needed. He would do the same for you in a heartbeat. While your one hand was on his face the other made its way to his neck where the buttons on his coat began. You massaged over the area and you saw Membrane close his eyes. Soon the other hand joined in creating a rhythm. Massage, button. Massage button. You took your time taking the jacket off. While this one part cooling him down, the other was getting him to relax.  

After the coat came off, you went over to grab a washcloth from the sink. It seemed his coat wasn’t the only thing stained today. When you turned back to him you saw he was double over, unlacing his boots. The playful part of you kicked in and you got down low just outside of his sight range. You slowly made you way towards him, rushing at him at the last second. Grabbing his hands to stop him from sitting up, you leaned forward and kissed his nose. The giggle that left you soon spread to him. Membrane’s cheeks were flushed, however no longer from sweating and he sat up looking away for a brief moment. You settled yourself on the ground, leaning you weight on him. You rested you head on his knee, looking up at his, oh so rarely seen face as you blindly untied his boots.  

Membranes face was scarred, severely in some places. His mouth was the worst, as his lips were completely lost in a sea of angry pink patches where he had had skin grafts. None of it seemed to phase you though. All you could see was the loving smile coming from him as he looked down at you. All too soon the moment ended as you pulled his boots off. Getting up you took the washcloth once more and cleaned his face. Trying to let all of the love you felt come through in each caress of his face.  

Membranes eyes never left you as you worked. The light in the kitchen gave you your own little halo, and he thought that it was quite apt.  After finally getting him cleaned up, both of you moved to the living room. You were sat in Membranes lap, head on his chest nuzzled under his chin.  One last look up and you couldn’t resist kissing him. He happily obliged, savoring the quite moment between you. After breaking apart you settled back down, and it took all of five minutes before both of you were dozing on the couch. 

[confusedinfj]

The real differences between entps and intps

I'm statistically surrounded by HEAPS of *ntps. My dad's an intp, my great grandpa was an entp, my sister is an entp, my step nan is an entp, my brother in law is an intp, and I just generally attract those types as friends.

The differences I'm going to list here are real, practical, solid differences, not the generic, vague type the internet can give. Hopefully it helps someone, cos I wasted a lot of time figuring it out for myself 😂

First up

Entps and intps are around the 4% mark so pls rule out any mistypings - no type is stupid or unspecial, and it really helps to know your real type!

I know what I'm saying here is right, and I've spent over 2 years ruling out mistypings and annoying everyone, especially my intp father who got really offended when I thought he was an isfj for a day 😂

Type Resemblances

Entps and intps seem almost exactly the same when well developed. Pretty much EXACTLY the same.

A poorly developed entp looks like a really immature esfj - note they no longer seem intuitive. It's a sign they're looping ridiculously between Ne-Fe to the point where they can't seem to even access Ne.

A poorly developed intp looks like a really immature infj - note that they're still intuitive.

A depressed entp looks like a really mean istp. Note they no longer seem intuitive. They're looping between Ti-Si.

A depressed intp will have alternating bad istp, good infj moments. Entps don't have good infj moments unless they're in love basically.

Entps can seem like any type they want when developing tertiary Fe. That is, a terrible version of any type. Intps don't have this skill, nor do they care to. For this reason, entps can mistype as anything they feel like.

Intps almost always mistype as infjs, intjs when older, isfjs, or istjs. They never mistype as an Extravert, because they're so naturally people avoidant.

Key Similarities

Not actually that Extraverted

Both good at strategy

Both good at money

Both good at not telling you things

Both bad at actually lying

Both more emotional than they realise

Both change depending on who they hang out with. *ntps who don't have a high Fe friend they respect will end up more callous than they otherwise could.

Both are sneaky, crafty, and witty

Neither type is able to get themselves out of a bad mood. You must manage it or wait for it to pass.

Both are a little scared of people they actually like

Both are very playful and flirty

Key Differences

Entps get more Extraverted when truly connected to people

Intps never get Extraverted, but they can fake it for an hour or so

Happy entps talk non stop and have no filter.

Happy intps say weird stuff and are silly.

Sad entps are withdrawn sheeple with no spark.

Sad intps look like stereotypical sad infjs.

Grumpy entps are withdrawn, sullen, whiny and chaotic.

Grumpy intps are easily triggered, yell a lot, and say a lot more than normal.

Mad entps want to give the silent treatment, but fail cos you don't notice in 5 minutes. EXPLOSION.

Mad intps can give you the absolute silent treatment in a way that no one else notices they're not talking to you.

Intps are generally craftier. That is, they generally always have an adaptable plan.

Entps love arguing. If you accuse them of something they'll defend thsmelves, not realising it makes everyone 100 times madder and does the opposite of what they intended.

Intps hate conflict. If you accuse them of something they'll shut down.

Entps are more emotional. They cry more and get more upset when they hurt people - they can be an absolute roller-coaster when repressing Fe.

Intps are more even tempered. They almost never cry, unless someone died. They can be manipulative and disconnected when repressing Fe.

Entps are more up in the air. They don't always have a plan, but they might have a rough idea of where they want to end up.

Intps are more stressed by uncertainty in life. They like to know what's going to happen to them - have a secure job, income, etc.

Entps are more stressed by routine in life. They hate being locked into things and may have a melt down and run away if they feel stuck.

IMHO, entps are cute and soft on the inside, with the angry strong mask on the outside.

IMHO, intps are mesmerising, powerful, mystical creatures I mistake for myself.

Problems They Cause

Entps are annoying for fun. Some would say mean, which is definitely true sometimes. They have pointless arguments and enjoy your pain. But not too much pain...

If an entp actually upsets you when they didn't mean to they'll *eventually* apologise profusely. They might be defensive at first, but if their Fe DOES kick in cos you made your point, they'll be very upset.

Entps truly apologise with words. Not just actions. An action only apology is a 'pls shut up' apology.

Intps are also annoying for fun sometimes, but that's not their MO. They only do that to family.

Intps avoid apologising with words, and if they do, they'll say it once, very softly. Entps will say it 100 times until they're sure it's okay.

Intps are more likely to have a Si grip, where they run around complaining about weird small details and obsessively fix everything. Note the fixing, because that's the stage entps don't get to.

Entps can cause problems by insulting people or biting off their heads and not understanding why they upset the person.

Intps can cause problems because theu fear conflict and are too scared to stick up for themselves.

Entps have trouble remembering things. Not facts, but commitments and things about people, like how you like eggs cooked or something.

Intps can rewrite the past, but generally understand people quite well. Just not emotions.

Melt downs

Intp melt downs are mean. When an intp is stressed or upset they get pretty whiny and say mean things to upset people. This mood will last for a while, so if it's short lived you just have a normal entp on your hands.

Entp melt downs are insane. They literally look insane like a headless chicken or something. They run around in circles, they can't seem to focus on anything, they'll cry and organise random small details that don't actually fix the problem, and they'll probably go and get themselves locked into something if you don't chill them out quickly.

Relationships

Entps flirt less. Probably because their Fe is slightly higher so they can't do it as much before actually falling themselves 😂

Intps flirt shamelessly. In their way, not in like a normal way. This way is so subtle, with the eyes and the interest, and I'm not fully sure if they mean it. It could legit be their effort to use low Fe.

Basically, an entp flirting with you at least likes you as a friend. An intp flirting with you might not even like you.

When feeling lonely, an intp will seek for friends by talking to people they see everyday. They only want 1 person, so they're very selective.

When feeling lonely, an entp will join a club, or show up to more parties than usual. They want to find a family, to be accepted.

Both types think they fall in love easily, but an entp won't do anything unless it's legit. Intps can get led by Fe and ask any nice person out.

Entps commit faster. Probably because they understand their feelings more than the intp and aren't misled as easily.

Despite low Si, both commit in relationships quickly if they feel it's right. They secretly long for emotional connection and will jump in for it if they find it at all.

Entps like being physically close to people they're connecting with, and will lean forward, or touch if they're allowed

Intps want you to stay away. Hugs are for special occasions.

Talking

Entps love giving advice, they want to be helpful, needed, and valued. They can give some very strange advice.

Intps avoid giving advice. They want their independence, and they assume everyone feels the same. They don't want unsolicited advice, and neither do you!

Entps are much more blunt. They're more likely to let it slip that they don't like you, or you're mean.

Intps are much more theoretical. They won't let it slip they don't like you, they'd rather talk about something vaguely interesting like Marxism.

Entps like sharing their weird Ne vibes. They'll point out if they think you're lying, in love, or worried.

Intps prefer to accumulate their Ne vibes into secret knowledge they might be able to use against you one day...

A warmed up entp gets louder and faster as the talk. This is their happiest state and can last for hours, even days.

A very tired intp gets louder and faster as they talk. This is very short lived.

Happy, relaxed Entps will share their steam of consciousness. They'll cut themselves off and say weird stuff and then forget what they said.

Happy, relaxed intps will share their stream of consciousness highlights, I've never heard them talk half as much as a happy entp!

How to Love

Intps are most likely to show love by being there for you and giving surprise gifts. Intps avoid talking about how they feel, so if they tell you it means a lot.

Entps are most likely to show love by buying you random things - and I mean random, like, mainly food and POTENTIALLY useful crap TBH - talking non stop, and saying random nice things about you.

Also, entps will say they love you a million times and get upset if you don't say it back every time, so try to keep up.

Intps want to discuss theory and share their minds/souls with you. They'll always have a little part they can't pry open for you, but they want you to be aware of that and maybe even do it for them.

Entps want to be one with you. They want to give their soul, have yours, and be completely at ease with someone else. If they feel like you're that person you're probably in for a sudden headache tbh, cos they talk A LOT and LOUDLY.

Entps show love the way they want to receive it, except for the part where they talk over you, bite your head off, and argue with everything you say. Not those bits, that will actually really upset your entp. If you do it to show them how upsetting it is, make sure you point it out before they cry so you can smile and finally help their Fe see why everyone is upset with them...

No seriously, you have to be super careful what you say to your entp. Their brains interpret things weirdly, especially when younger. They're paranoid. For *nfjs, remember how insecure you were at like 12. That's your entp now.

Intps are similar to entps, but they appear more resilient. They're not. They don't handle anything as well as they appear to, be nice to them.

Basically, *ntps are kind of arrogant and egotistical, so don't let them lead you down the path of patting their ego. Tell them if they're mean or wrong, but reaffirm you love them.

The intp probably won't talk to you for a bit if you do the above, but they will eventually learn and grow 😊

The entp may cry and probably won't remember until the fifth time.

Finally

Intps actually talk about their emotions very intelligently when they want to, which is why they can sound like infjs.

Meanwhile, as much as they enjoy being therapised by infjs, entps don't have the knack of doing their own emotional analysis by themselves...

[legobiwan]

I was the one who asked that last question about the light vs dark and i loved the answer you gave. I hope you don’t mind me asking another. What do you think makes the darkside so difficult to turn back from? Speaking from my own personal experience with mental illness (depression, anxiety, diagnosed anger issues. All of this from birth) in know that all those things can send a person to a very dark place. 1/

Not literally like with the force, but it can do that to anyone and it’s like doing a muscle man marathon to get out of it. It takes incredible strenth to dig yourself out of it and sometimes it’s easy to NOT want to get out of that suffering, painful state because you get so used to it. 2/

I subscribe to the idea that force sensitives constantly have enotions being filtered back at them, even their own which is why they all have to be in control of their their emotions, because if they let emotions like rage and hate and fear and pain and grief and all those things you frequently feel when dealing with those kinds of things, it gets reverted back at you and you are stuck in a cycle of all these negative things the dark side feeds on. 3/

Imagine dealing with all of that as a normal person and then having this echo chamber of it directed back at you and some, i’m guessing, semi-sentient dark side that feeds on that and tries to bring you down deeper. I think another part of it is 1.) Sunk Cost Fallacy and 2.) as you said about Anakin fir example: “well, i ate two cookies, might as well eat the whole bag”. 4/5

I’m sorry this turned out WAYY linger than i originally intended. I’d like to hear your thoughts (i always do) about maybe why the dark side is so hard to pull away from. 5/5

Oh hello again, friend! You ask such intriguing questions, thank you for stopping by!

First off, mental illness sucks and I am sorry that it is something you have had to contend with. I won’t profess to know exactly what you have gone through, but when I was a younger Lego, things got pretty dark for a while, so I do know of that bottomless pit to which you refer and the absolute wrenching struggle it is to dig one’s self out, tooth and nail.

Now, there are a few ideas at play in this question so I want to start with the idea you float about how Jedi feel emotions in the Force as a kind of feedback loop, make one or two detours before getting around to why it is so difficult to come back from the dark side.

“The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.”

Yoda basically lays out the Force for us in ESB, describing as an invisible energy field that for me, resembles the way we describe the energy between (and in-between) molecules. And subscribe to the theory that all sentient are at least a little Force-sensitive, if they are able to lower their own barriers enough to listen for that heartbeat, that rhythm and song of the universe (music of the spheres, in a way.) But for the Jedi, well, they are on a whole other level, and to my mind, that barrier I just referred to is a whole lot more permeable, no longer a dense, velvet curtain, but a gauzy, diaphanous veil separating two planes of existence - the one we know and some unseen dimension of energies made, if not visible in the strictest terms, visible to the mind’s eye by metaphor.

In this little scenario I have set up, then, let’s say our Jedi is happy. Simple happiness. If our reality is a glass of water, this one emotion is a drop of food coloring, let’s say green, which, when dripped into the water is coalesced around the focal point of the droplet (the droplet being the emotion within the Jedi) and then branching outwards with its tendrils, beyond the Jedi themselves. In this way, the Jedi can almost see their own emotion outside of themselves. But, of course, at some point, the food coloring will overtake the water and turn the entire glass green, in which case the Jedi has been subsumed by their own emotion unless they can erect some particular carriers around themselves. This, in Yoda’s words, would be control. (A vaguely problematic term that I will get to in a little bit.)

But without that barrier, it does become a bit of a feedback loop, the Jedi (or Sith) broadcasting an emotion which then clouds (aha!) everything around the Force-sensitive who can then feed off that cloud and repeat the entire cycle ad nauseum. And well, we know where that can lead. And so, in a way, that semi-sentient voice that is whispering poems of power, words draped in seductive scarlet into our Jedi’s ear is really their own voice, turned back on them, taking this outside form as a separate being because of this strange feedback loop.

The seeds of our own destruction - and salvation - lie wholly within us.

And so to escape the dark side’s pull, its suffocating cloud, one must, in a way, come out of themselves. Which is what leads us to the Jedi idea of detachment and control, to build that barrier which I referred to earlier, that space of nothingness where our green dye is repelled by that shadow of oxidation, where it can exist on the outside without feeding back, so one might be able to look at it as a scientist might - without passion.

Now, the thing is - and if I may go on a tangent for a moment - the Jedi, especially the Jedi we know during the Republic, refer to this too often for my taste as control, and prefer to totally bleach out any of the dye rather than observe from the outside. To my mind, the Order had become a bit polarized in the wake of Ruusaan Reformation, eager to stamp out any bit of dark side rather than to acknowledge each being’s duality - something Yoda himself rally only came to when he had his adventures with the Force priestesses. It also explains, to a degree, why he is so laissez-faire in The Last Jedi - finally, he has come to true balance, and knows that the universe swings on a pendulum of energy, that light and dark will settle and unsettle again. I know TLJ gets a bad rap in some circles, but I personally adore the way they approached Force philosophy and the Jedi, because balance, to the Republic Jedi - was good, good only. Which is why it was referred to as control.

But seeking control in a universe where we can never control, ultimately, is an of fear, which leads to anger, and etc. 

However, your question is not about the foibles of the Jedi Order, but rather the dark side. Let’s take Anakin as an example. Anakin falls prey to his worst tendencies (and he is powerful in the Force, his connection with that other plane perhaps too strong, his ability to influence it unprecedented but also that open conduit making him more susceptible to everything I mentioned above.) He’s angry, he’s upset, and he turns that first on himself and then takes that fear and turns it on others, burning down the outer world with his inner. But he saves Luke. A fantastic act, but only a single act. Does one life saved balance out the atrocities of the previous twenty years? 

To my mind, no. It’s like those studies they’ve done on reform, where it is often found that behavior changes before mindset. Meaning Anakin has to go through the motions before he is truly redeemed. That, to my mind, is one of the hardest parts, because you can’t just flip a switch and say, hey, I’m light now! Look at Ventress - it took her a while just to get to morally grey and she wasn’t nearly as full-fledged dark as Anakin got. Look at Dooku, who started out grey and through his actions, through his own need for control, fell further and further until he walked right into his own demise. (And this is astounding for a man so intelligent.)

Note, I’m not even touching on that unearthly drug, adrenaline, that anger can unleash, sparking up all those dopamine receptors and as a Force-sensitive, this is only going to be multiplied by a thousand. It’s probably like doing hard drugs and there’s a reason they say the dark side is addictive. And we all know addiction is one hell of a beast to fight, that even in the throes of anger, the hangover must be brutal, emotionally and to give that up to turn light? 

Not easy. Not easy to do alone and the problem is as a Sith you have basically pushed everyone else away so who going to be your support if you even want to recover? (Note how Dooku was always trying to connect with his students. It says something.) And you know, if Anakin hadn’t died on the Death Star, despite everything, I think he would have had the best chance at redemption because Luke would have been there. It would have been a terrible, exhausting experience for all involved (not to mention Leia, who did not have Luke’s soft spot for her biological father, and for very good reason.)

Although after going on about all of this, I will say that from an author’s perspective, exploring a character’s fall and struggle is such an opportunity, narratively. But then again, I love to joke that writing is cheaper than therapy :D 

[fangedpeace-a]

This scene is so powerful. So so so powerful. Especially to the development of their relationship but also to Vlad’s own personal growth. He’d only just started to understand who he was and what he had to do as the chosen one. And then this hits him, it brings everything together and it finally makes him understand why he was so different to everyone he’d ever known, why he always wanted to be human. 

But not only that, he starts to over think, he starts to realise that being half human - it was the only reason why he’s good, why he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He starts thinking about Boris, his cousin, his uncle, every vampire he’s ever known and how, that even if they tried, how they were all evil at their core - even Talitha who, isn’t evil, but still follows a lot of vampire lifestyles. He’s overcome with so much fear and pain that it starts to wear down the ‘even, calm, in control’ man he’d become from his time away from his family. I mean, he’s only been home a day and he already reverts and has his anger issues and depression and anxiety come rushing back. All negative sides of him are flooding him and he was so relieved to have started to control them and win. But being back home just broke him again which is why he never wanted to stay. He can hear his reflections too, its not just his mental health, its them trying to break through again. 

And Gerrans acting, just the sporadic desperate anger and sadness, the realisation that his mother never cared about him, that he was taken away from the one life he always wanted, that he had a parent out there that he didn’t even know. Gerran is so extremely talented to show all of that in such powerful moments. Like the moment he yells at his father ‘who is it’ is such a raspy but terrifying snap. You never see this from Vlad in the entire show, until this moment which is so perfectly well timed. He’s always had such limited emotions, he’s never been able to cry or let his anger completely out. Its been too hard for him. Even when he was really losing control in season 4 and when he was losing erin, he still seemed so ‘apathetic’ like don’t get me wrong, he is in pain and hurt and angry in that season but Vlad never cried in the entire show, his eyes just teared up, he never even got furious like he is now. It was just so filtered. So this moment, when he finally snaps, is so important because its almost like the moment where he realises he may have had a chance to not become a vampire at all - to have the normal life he always wanted. And not only that, like he says, he could have made sense of everything and not always felt like such an outsider or freak or disappointment. He’s always been so alone and all it took to stop that was his father just telling him the truth. Its this moment, I think i’ve spoke about it before, that Vlad finally realises that there’s no limits to his fathers selfishness and lies. In this episode alone he tells his dad to stop lying about three four times but he still continues to do so. 

RANDOM SCENE META ???/??? - 5x02 

Then there’s Vlad just laughing at how its even possible that he’s ‘the chosen one’ when he’s not even a full vampire. He’s conflicted because the chosen one is literally meant to be the end of the human race, its the ‘messiah’ for vampires, showing them out of the shadows and letting them rule. And yet, he’s half human himself. Its a sick twist of fate to him and even after he says ‘what if that’s the reason i was chosen’ in regards to him being the chosen one and half breather in the last ep of s5 I still see him questioning it - despite having his humanity being suppressed. While he is semi-right the reason he was chosen to be who he is was simply for logic and the ability to bring vampires together with using his humanity. A normal vampire wouldn’t know how to stop the blood seed because they don’t feel in extremes of kindness and compassion like humans (or vlad) do. But that’s it. So he does believe it, but then he starts to realise that, that’s the only reason why he was chosen for being a hybrid. After that, he loses his humanity and still has to fill very dark destiny. 

I went off track there. But Vlad just never truly comes to understand why he’s this big bad vampire leader when he’s half human and in that moment it just digs a bigger hole inside of him, leading to all this unpredictable anger and lash outs. But the most powerful moments here are obviously seeing Vlad break that ‘filtered’ controlled persona of his and finally letting that anger out at his dad. He’s no longer scared of him, he doesn’t care about the ‘vampire hierarchy’ or rules anymore or even simply, keeping the peace between them. He’s fed up with the lies and the manipulation - especially when he managed to get away from them to finally feel happy and healthy and good. But then they manipulate everything and force him to stay with them and then this all happens. He’s stuck there, most importantly, and his happiness and control and ? mental health which he finally managed to work through is gone and shattered. He’s back to the vampire fighting his urges, his family’s manipulation, and he has no idea who he is anymore. And when he meets his mother and sister, it gets better again, but just like before it breaks and he’s back to square one.

[bytemycupcakes]

Breakup

A couple bits of Mavrik dealing with his and Charlie’s breakup, leading to some subtle fatherly (and Lucifer maybe?) bonding.

Words: 1574

(Thanks again to@/voneldrich for letting me use their name for the Von Eldrich father! Saved me so much pain TTvTT)

~~

Mavrik takes a bit longer getting home than he usually does. It’s no surprise for him of course- He doesn’t want to see anyone. He can’t believe what he just did. How could he ever- He was raised better. He’s supposed to be better than that. That- Those things he did… That’s Helsa’s thing, she’s the one who attacks anyone and everyone. Not him. He thought so anyway, maybe things are changing, what’s next? Helsa sharing her feelings?

He’s barely holding back his tears, and can barely see through the ones managing to escape. He can feel blood leaking across his knuckles- Did he really punch those kids that hard? He’s not sure, he barely remembers it depite it happening just an hour ago. 

Mavrik stumbles up the stairs and fumbles with opening the front door. As the door opens he’s met with his father- Right, he and Lucifer had a meeting tonight. Mavrik stares like a deer in headlights as Styx looks him over. Of course it’s pretty hard to miss how terrible Mavrik looks right now, so his father asks the dreaded question, “Mavrik- Son are you alright..?”

Mavrik tries to hold himself together, he’s almost an adult, he shouldn’t be breaking down at the slightest bit of concern. But god damn he just lost the source of his happiness- He sniffles and weakly shakes his head as he plants himself against his father’s shoulder, letting the tears finally fall. Styx sighs and quietly puts his arms around Mavrik, “It’s alright… Come- let’s sit down-”

Styx leads Mavrik to the couch and they sit. He wants to ask Mavrik why he’s so upset, but ultimately decides to wait until Mavrik calms down. They sit in silence for a bit, when he seems to remember something- He pulls out his phone and dials. Mavrik can hear the phone ring, so he tries to quiet himself.

“Ah- I was just about to call you-” Lucifer’s voice sounds through the phone speaker.

“Yes hello Lucifer- I… Think we may need to cancel our plans… Mavrik’s um-” Styx looks down at Mavrik, patting his head.

“Yyeeeesss… Charlotte’s quite-” Theres a loud crash through the speaker, “Angry… We’ll need to reschedule…”

“Indeed…” He hums and hangs up, setting the phone down.

“I-I’m sorry-” Mavrik mumbles between his sobs.

“I take it you and Charlotte must’ve broken up today..?”

Mavrik nods. His father tightens his hold on him, “Those can be tough, but you’ll be alright… In time.”

Mavrik shrugs like he doesn’t believe him, “I-” He sniffles, “I don’t think so, dad-” He wipes his tears the best he can, “I… It’s all my fault- Im so- stupid-”

Styx frowns, “Oh come now, Mavrik- Don’t talk about yourself like that… Your first relationship going sour is a common occurance, no need to beat yourself up about it.”

“But I-!” Mavrik cuts himself off- He doesn’t want to say it outloud, then it’ll be real- He huffs and gets up, “I’m- I’m gonna call it an early night… Thanks for- All of that, dad-”

He smiles, “You know I’ll always be here for you, Mavrik. Sleep well, son”

–

Mavrik is laying in bed, he doubts he got any sleep- He isn’t sure when he last slept honestly… Even though he hasn’t left his room in a week or so. Every time he tries he remembers what happened- He swears he can still… Feel her in his hand- Picture how angry she was with him- Why won’t the images leave his head? Why can’t he just forget it! Wouldn’t he be better off that way?

He pulls his pillow closer to his chest and huffs when he hears footsteps outside of his room. Mavrik isn’t really sure what time it is- But he’s sure that nobody should actually be home.

The footsteps stop, and there’s a small sigh, “How’s he doing?” Oh- It’s Lucifer.

“Better I’d assume… He stopped crying at least- He should still be sleeping if you’d like to check on him.” And his father- Mavrik wonders why they’re here- Rather than the Mange’s home where they usually work.

Mavrik quietly huffs, turning his head to the door in case Lucifer decides to come in.

“No, no.. I’ll let the boy be…”

The footsteps begin again, heading toward his father’s office. The voices pregressively get quieter.

“Hows Charlotte been?”

“Finally stopped tearing up her room-” Lucifer sighs, “Still no idea on what happened?”

“No- He won’t tell us… Just says it’s his fault-”

“Charlotte won’t say anything about it either- Did we mess up somewhere, Styx? To make them not trust us with this…?”

Their voices are to faded for Mavrik to hear his father’s responce- But he’ll conceide… Lucifer’s question makes him feel bad. Why hasn’t he told his parent’s what he did? They’re his parents- They’ll help him through this, wouldn’t they? But there’s another question on Mavrik’s mind, “… W̨̨͘͢͏h̵̛͘̕y͢ ̡d͏oes Lucifer even care how I’m doing…?”

His face scrunches up at how pathetic he sounds. He’s almost forgotten that he hasn’t talked in a few days. He hums into his pillow, he should probably get up- Doesn’t need his legs to atrophy… He will later.

–

A few hours pass- Long enough that Mavrik hopes he’s finally the only one home. He rolls off his bed- Litterally, he rolls off the mattress and thuds against the floor, “O͘w̶̨҉”

He clears his throat then groans as he forces himself to sit up. He stares at the floor for a bit, “C’mon Mav- You can get up, damnit. Can’t stay in here forever.” He slaps a hand on his bed, managing to push himself to his feet, “Life goes on… You gotta go with it-”

Mavrik has decided he’s going to fake it ‘til he makes it, so he does his best to push down his bad feelings and get dressed. He isn’t going anywhere, but looking like a presentable person usually helps one get out of depressive funks. He runs his hands through his- honestly disgusting- hair to attempt to tame it and glances at the sunlight peeking through his curtains, “I haven’t been outside in awhile, huh?” He squints at his now greasy feeling hands for a moment then back to the curtain, “It looks nice out- A walk out back wouldn’t kill me.”

The day is indeed nice, Mavrik strolls through the family garden with a subtle smile. He used to do this quite often when he was younger, he doesn’t remember why he ever stopped. The garden’s always been a nice quiet place to just think, and that’s exactly what Mavrik needs to do. He stops by one of the flowering bushes and cups one of the flowers. A petal has clearly been eaten a bit, but the flower appears to be fine, just a small scar in it’s life, it can move on and keep living.

Some tears start to bead up when Mavrik hears some distant speaking- Damn, He isn’t the only one home apparently. He figures he should show- whoever it is- that he’s finally “functioning” again, so he goes toward the voices source. He’ll admit, he isn’t too surprised when it turns out to be his father and Lucifer, though he thought they would’ve gone back to work by now.

“I just can’t figure out why Charlotte won’t be honest with me- She know’s I want to help- To see her happy-”

Mavrik grumbles to himself as he hears Lucifer- Of course they’re talking about Charlie, he and her have been the talk of their families since they broke up. He walks up beside the two parents, oh great he’s doing it, “I… May have an idea-” Mavrik leans forward as he pokes into their conversation.

They both look to him, surprised for a moment then they both smile.

“Mavrik my boy! It’s lovely to see you!” Lucifer sounds far to happy for Mavrik to really believe him.

Though he bows slightly anyway- it’s only polite, “Likewise, sir- I apologise that you must see me like this-” Sure he’s dressed, but he still looks awful.

Styx chuckles, waving a hand, “Nonsense, Mavrik. Lucifer’s seen you in diapers, seeing you distraught is no different.”

“… I suppose-” Mavrik shrugs, his father is right, sure, though he still doesn’t feel like he looks presentable.

Styx stands and goes to Mavrik, placing a hand on his shoulder, “It’s nice to finally see you out of bed, son… I’ve been getting worried”

“I’ll- Be fine, dad…” Mavrik shrugs once again, “Promise-” He tries to ignore how much that feels like a lie, he’s worried his family enough.

Lucifer gets up aswell, “Well- You’re not the only one struggling here, Charlotte’s taking it hard aswell. Though it isnt-” Lucifer cuts himself off for a moment, “Er- As… Physically obvious as your struggles-”

Styx rolls his eyes and sighs while pushing Lucifer away, “He’s- right but- Ignore him, Mavrik, you know Lucifer has no filter.”

“Yeah I’m startin’ to think you don’t either, dad-” Mavrik laughs slightly, “I’m- Gonna go take a shower- Before I start looking like one of those… Gaming losers- Who don’t know what deodorant is-” He awkwardly finger-guns at Styx and Lucifer as he backs away.

As Mavrik heads back to the house, the sound of Styx slapping Lucifer on the back of the head echoes through the garden- Mavrik snorts, but tries to hold in his laughter, pretending he couldn’t hear it.