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kayhi808 · 1 year ago

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Perfect Match -6

Billy Russo, world's most elite assassin, leans back on my couch, looking a little pale, "I think I'd rather have you pregnant." I get up off the couch and his hand snakes out to grab my wrist, "Wait! Wait! Wait!" I get pulled onto his lap. "Angel, I mean this with zero disrespect, but...What the fuck?!"

I struggle to get up and he lets me go. "Do you want a drink? I think you could use one. I definitely need one." I walk over to the kitchen & grab some Chardonnay I have in the fridge.

"Yea, sure." He's still looking at me oddly. I gulp down my first glass of wine which earns me a cocked eyebrow from him. I prepare him a tumbler of scotch & bring it back to him. "Thanks." He takes a long pull on it. "Can we...uh...talk?"

I keep my wine glass cradled to me. "I want you to marry me."

I can see him trying to keep calm. I'm happy he didn't run screaming from my apartment. I did not plan on asking him as soon as he returned but the way he held me in his arm & said he missed me while he was away. I thought he'd be open to this and I've been thinking about this for a bit. I need to find a husband. I like Billy more than anyone I've met so far.

"Again, no disrespect, but why? What happened while I was away?"

"Nothing HAPPENED." I place my glass down on the coffee table & turn to sit facing him. "To get what I want, I need a husband. I've told you this. I need a partner. I need someone who would survive and thrive in this type of life. I need...someone I can trust." I get up to pace. He's been looking at me so intently and I've never felt so vulnerable. "I like you, Billy. A lot. Scarily a lot. But even more importantly, I trust you." He's still silent & doesn't seem like he's ready to run so I continue. "I can count the number of people I trust on one hand."

"I'm honored." My gaze shoots to him to see if he's being sarcastic or facetious, but I see none of that. Billy is being genuine & he gives me a soft smile.

It gives me the courage to continue, "You're already in this life, and you are a formidable force. You're smart. You're powerful. You're strong. I need that. This isn't an easy life by far. This is a partnership for life. There are no divorces in the Family. In the future, if things didn't work out with...with us. We'll still need to be able to work together. We need to portray a united front, despite our falling out. It will already be a challenge for us to get the other families to respect us. I will lead this family but I can't do it without someone like you. No, not someone like you. You." Flustered, "I'm sure my grandfather can find me a husband but it won't...it wont feel the same."

I've gone too far. I blew it. There's an ache in my heart just thinking about ending things with Billy. "I know this is...a surprise." He exhales & runs his hands over his buzz cut. Nervous laughter escapes me, "Quite the understatement." Billy smiles and nods. "I know this was not the welcome home you expected, but I wanted you to know. This is the direction I want...hope. I hope we can move towards. I'm not some nurse...coffee shop girl...lawyer. I have a different life. I thought I should make my intentions clear."

"I got that loud and clear."

"It's a lot to think about and it's not a decision to make lightly. I don't expect...I don't even know what to expect. Take time to think about it. I didn't expect to blurt this out to you tonight. You just showed up and I've missed you so much....I don't know. I'm sorry."

Billy stands hugs me. I feel like crying. It feels like good-bye. "Don't be sorry. I appreciate your honesty." He squeezes me tighter & sways a little, like he's trying to soothe me. "I'll think about it."

"You will?"

"I don't get proposed to everyday. Looking the way I do, I don't know if it'll ever happen again."

I pull away & I see the teasing light in his dark eyes. "Bill."

He cradles my face in his hands & kisses me. "I'll seriously consider it. Promise." I pull him down for another teasing kiss. "Can I stay the night?"

"Please. I need you, Billy." With that, he throws me over his shoulder & takes me to bed.

*****

Things are back to normal with me & Billy. I haven't brought up the proposal again. I'm going to give him all the time he needs. I still have to placate my grandfather & meet these men he think will be good matches. Grandfather's choice in men are better than father's 100%, but still... These men are older & think to "let me" rule New York. As if they are doing me a favor. Like they are indulging a child.

"Piccola!" Grandfather kisses me on both cheeks, "What are you doing here? If I knew you were coming, I could have had lunch prepared."

"Nonno, I'm fine. It's ok. I actually came to talk."

"Sit. Sit. What did you need to discuss?"

"I've asked Russo to marry me." I hold my breath waiting for the explosion.

"Russo?!" I nod. "What did he say?"

I can tell he's not thrilled, but he's not yelling either. "He's thinking about it."

"Did you not think to discuss this with me first?"

"Considering that he kidnapped me, I did not think it was a good idea until I ask Bill. He didn't run for the hills, and he's seriously considering it. That's why I'm here."

"You think he's a good match for you?"

"Do you think he'd be a good match?"

"He isn't going to be easily controlled."

"I don't want to control him. He'll be my partner in this. We'll communicate. We'll work together."

"Can he be trusted?"

"I trust him."

"My concern is that he will not operate in the best interest for the Family."

"He will."

"No. His decisions will be based on the best interest for YOU. Not the Family."

"I will be the Family." Frowning, "Is that such a bad thing?"

"Child, it's the best thing to hear as a Grandfather. To know that a man will put you above all others. I may be old, but I'm aware of the gossip. I know you've been seeing him." He gives me a loving smile that warms my heart. "However, as leader of this Family, it becomes a concern." We sit in silence, each caught up in our own thoughts. "He's not a bad choice. His skill set. His reputation. He's not from another Family, so his loyalty will be strong to you, to us." I nod. "Let me know what he says."

"Thank you. I will."

@idaofinfinity @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @e-dubbc11

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #s2 billy russo au

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catierambles · 2 years ago

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Null Ch.6

Pairing: Incubus!Charles Brandon x Anna Williams (OFC)

WC: 829

Warnings: Reader discretion is advised. Minors DNI 18+ ONLY

@brattymum96 , @ouroboros113 , @peaches1958 , @summersong69 , @henryownsme , @fvckinghenrycavill , @raccoon-eyed-rebel

The rest of the week passed uneventfully, and they fell into a rhythm. He had coffee ready for her in the morning and stayed out of the study while she worked, and she had no problems when he had to leave suddenly for one reason or another. He had his life and she had hers. She was looking through her fridge, about to grab something to drink when she heard a noise behind her and she looked over her shoulder, expecting to see Charles, but seeing a woman instead.

"Um, hello?" She asked, turning around to face her, "How did you get in here?"

"How did you?" The woman asked.

"I live here." Anna said simply and the woman suddenly looked very interested.

"Do you now?" She asked and Anna nodded, "So you bought the old place?" Another nod. "I'm being dreadfully rude. I'm Ann, a friend of Charles. You do know about Charles, yes?"

"Yes, I know Charles." Anna said, "You're his…friend?"

"Well, you could say we're more…colleagues, in a way."

"Oh." Anna said and Ann squinted at her slightly.

"The knowledge radiating off of you. You know he's an incubus." Ann said and Anna nodded.

"That would make you a…"

"Succubus?" Ann supplied helpfully, "You would be correct. I haven't seen him in a while, thought I would pop 'round, see what the old boy is up to."

"I believe he's in the study." Anna said.

"But you," Ann said, "You are much more interesting. In a way. We had all wondered what grabbed his attention and refused to let go, and here you are. Let me get a good look at you." She walked towards her slowly, appraising her with slow sweeps of her eyes and Anna felt like she was being judged. "Bit ordinary, all things considered. Nothing really…spectacular about you, besides the fact that you're a yawning void where a person should be."

"Yes…um, I'm a--"

"Null? Oh yes, I can tell. Why you're barely even registering as alive."

"Excuse me?"

"I can tell I'm not your fancy, but I thought there would at least be something, but there's nothing, not a damn thing." Ann said, "So what is it about you that's got him so distracted? It can't be the sex. Unless you are truly breathtaking between the sheets, and let's be real here, the chances of that are slim to none given your condition." Condition? "I don't see anything about you that would catch and hold his attention."

"I…I don't know." Anna said, "You'd have to ask him."

"Oh, I will be, believe you me." Ann said, "Here's the thing…"

"Anna."

"Anna. The fact that you do have Charles so captivated is a bit…odd. You see, he's one of the more prolific of us. Queens have worshiped at his feet and begged for his attention. Pious women of the cloth have forsaken their vows for simply the chance to be with him, and then you come along and he simply can't be bothered anymore." Ann said, "But I suppose everyone needs a hobby. Or a pity project, as the case may be. You should be honored by the attention he's heaped on you, especially seeing as he can't get anything worthwhile in return."

"Well, I am his friend and--" That made Ann laugh, cutting her off.

"Oh you poor deluded child, Charles doesn't have human female friends. I daresay he's incapable of it, given how they are nothing to him but a food source." Ann said, "Is that it? Does he still think he can feed from you? I'll have to have a talk with the poor thing, let him know that's a giant waste of his time. Every one of us knows that nulls are nothing but a waste of our time and aren't worth the effort."

"I--"

"Ann." They looked over, seeing Charles in the doorway, and he did not look happy to see her.

"Oh, hello, Charles!" Ann said, "I was just having a talk with your new pet. She seems to be laboring under some misconceptions about you and I thought I would set her straight."

"Leave, Ann."

"Oh, don't be like that, dearest! I was only--"

"I know what you were doing." Charles said, "Leave."

"Fine," Ann said, "Be that way, but you know where I'll be when you finally get bored of this one. Shouldn't take you long." She vanished from the kitchen and Charles went to Anna, reaching out and placing his hands on her shoulders gently.

"Are you all right?" He asked and she looked at him briefly, then away.

"Why…why wouldn't I be? She didn't try to hurt me, she just talked."

"Yes, that's why I'm worried about you."

"It's fine, Charles, she didn't say anything I haven't heard before." Anna said, "So don't worry, it's not worth the effort."

"Anna…"

"I'm going to take a nap." She said and shrugged out of his hands, walking around him and out of the kitchen.

#henry cavill #charles brandon #null #my writing

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transzilla · 8 months ago

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On modern art

Art isn't really any material thing, it's more like our behavior, our reaction, what we do to make art possible. There's a time and a place for a banana taped to a wall, sure, like on your mom's fridge. When you're taking up space at an art museum and people are pissed because it looks like shit, sure, it's art alright, you made it. So is anything. you can be pretentious and act like they don't get it all you want but art is the participation. Like you're under fire too, if your expression is tasteless and crass you kind of asked for it showing people, you can embrace it or cry about it. If you tried and put effort I'd feel bad and give encouragement but drawing one line over the middle of a canvas... You see the same exact shit everyone else is seeing, you're not fooling anyone putting it in a fancy museum. You're not Michelangelo. So don't pretend like you are.

Michelangelo's David is a fucking rock that looks like a person. So what. I pulled a carrot out of the ground and it had two legs and a dick and nobody cared. People lose their fucking minds because of the skill and dedication that a person put into it, his whole life spent mastering different arts on different materials, banging his head against the wall against rejection because he wanted to impress people. And he did! Love is real! Progress is real! He did it!

There's a time and a place for making shitty art! Shitty art can be respected, it can be understood. We all start out like shit. Nobody should rip you down for making shitty art, maybe you're just doing it for fun, maybe you don't want to be Michelangelo, you're just trying to make it through the day and that's fine. But shitty art shouldn't be honored. Especially, above anything, if the intention is what's shit. If the message is trash, if a piece of shit person made it, the art is trash too, maybe you're trash for enjoying it. Like stop sucking Kubrick's dick, he's not a "twisted genius", he's a misogynist that loves rape scenes. Criticism is necessary here.

Plus, you shouldn't celebrate shitty art for being shit. Like I know all ya'll trans people love folk punk, they all say the same thing, I like it because it's bad, that's the point. How the hell are you going to be so pretentious and gatekeepy over music that you admit is dog shit? Bad music is awesome when you're down to earth and you're making friends and getting better together, observing and celebrating progress and community. You compete in a race where you make the most mediocre music, you're going to win, real fast. Folk punk isn't even bad in a way that's so bad it's really funny, some music I'm impressed because it resembles music but it's so offensive and obnoxious that it really isn't. Nah, it's the same shit over and over cause if it doesn't sound exactly like this it's not folk punk, the same ukelele riff and talking about having anxiety. If you're gonna be an egotistical city boy hipster and act like your shit is so much better because it's mediocre, the first person interested in skill and progress is gonna eat you up like nobody's business.

But hey, at least you're not pretending like you're not mediocre. It's a huge risk trying to find skill and make good art. If you shoot for the moon, and land in a huge pile of shit, it hurts that much more than if you just wanted to jump and play in that pile of shit. Sure, you can embrace shit. Play in it all you want. Maybe eat some of it. But are you really that wrong for wanting to land among the stars?

Our ultimate expression of art is our identities and our ego. We make it all up. The art is the artist, it's also the people observing. So what the hell kind of shit are you going to make?

#forcemasc #i hate folk punk #you call it folk punk i call it SHIT because its ASS

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opiazapine · 2 years ago

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finding myself in a very strange life position I tbh never considered or thought about. My partner it turns out gets structured settlements. Did not know this when we got together. Wants to split half w me. I've been broke my whole life, going to use it for medically necessary treatment my stupid dental insurance refuses to fkn cover.. Can't wait to have fully functional teeth for the first time in my life. What does it feel like to crunch ice? Chew your steak and savor it? Eat caramel? Fuck I am tired of cutting everything into little pieces to eat it and taking 2 hours to eat a non-liquid full meal. On the other hand I would still have a considerable amount left over after treatment. Never was after getting rich, never cared for money in excess, I always just wanted to survive, eat, sleep, live.. sure asf don't want to go blow it on something I would regret or let it change my character. Thinking about putting the rest towards restoring my grandparents house. It's in the hood but it's also in the middle of nowhere (IF U KNOW U KNOW!! 😆 and if you don't be glad!) My youngest cousin is still living at home. Doing high school, made honor roll, doesn't party, doesn't hang around tweakers, wants to go to college.. I was a high school drop out and I ran the streets at her age not really out of teenage rebellion but I was a homeless teenager w no family support, no mental health support, no community, only living to see another day, to hell with whatever came before and whatever comes afterwards. Wasn't a smart mentality but came to understand it was a mindset that was rooted in survival and I was doing the best I could with what I had. Just don't want to see my cousin go thru that. The parents are both gone and my grandparents are aging fast. Idk I think my father wants to just sell the house take the money and run once they pass tho I don't like to think the worst of people I know that guy I know he can be sneaky and shady when he wants to.. keep telling him to consider my cousin consider she fuckin made honor role and isn't on dope and ready to graduate this year that's not common in our district that is the EXCEPTION! But nah he wants to be caught up in the she's a female she's gonna end up pregnant like they all do she dresses wrong she talks to boys she goes to concerts. Let it go man. He should be happy she not doing dope, honestly, after losing so many people to OD I don't understand how he doesn't see the bigger picture here. House my cousin is in has really bad damage (no hoarding thank god) but nicotine on the walls, mold in the bathroom, fridge that barely functions, toilet sinking into the floor.. better than being on the street but still like my cousin does not know what it is to live in a clean normal house. She just deals w it. Has friends over and deals with their remarks about the state of the house, the cheap food my grandparents buy because they live on retirement and there's one single Walmart here that ran every other grocer out of business, talk abt the district.. like I want to invest in my cousin tbh I want her to know growing up here doesn't define who she is. She doesn't have to live with a sinking toilet and orange nicotine color walls. Imagine having your own home at 18, 19? A place you can come home to every day and know that you have everything you need there and nobody will be there to harm you? Huge head start in life. I used to dream about giving back to my community (tho that community never helped me..) if I did ever happen on money and maybe this isn't the same thing but it feels like the right thing. Fucking venting at 7am lol

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lotusmonkey · 2 years ago

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#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk core au #lmk macaque #monkie kid #doodles #six eared macaque #evil stinky man #i DESPISE him #ankles and knees REVOKED #squid and i are tossing designs back and forth and mutally wish to strangle him #he doesn't get a place of honor on our fridge #denied #lotusmonkey

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ye4gerismarchives · 3 years ago

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the bachelorette: after the final rose

an: the bachelorette is finally over. writing this was…wow. interacting with my followers was so fun😭 i hope to do so again in the future. do enjoy this and take a look at the poll at the end. my requests will be opening up again! feel free to drop something :)

tags: black, fem reader

taglist: @taybird

The day after your wedding, you and Jean found yourselves in Bora Bora. Once you landed, you and Jean settled down for a moment. Your ideal plan was to unpack, get something to eat at the hotel you were in and probably go to sleep. Jean had different plans in mind. As you unpacked your suitcase, he kept massaging your shoulders. His hands moved down your arms and you didn't protest. Y'all, I don't write smut. Give me a few years and I'll write everything that when down.

Despite getting married on television and the whole world knowing, you and Jean never saw yourself as a married couple. It was more like dating to you guys. There were times he's walked out on you because you were too "emotional" and you've walked out on him because he was too "sensitive". But you always found your way back to each other.

During the week of your first "wedding" anniversary, Jean flew you out to Corfu, Greece. The first six days, he recreated your first "honeymoon" night and on the seventh day, he got on one knee again and asked you to be his wife- for real this time. You immediately said yes and threw yourself at him, toppling him over. You both landed on the restaurant floor but that didn't stop you from kissing him.

Wedding planning didn't take as long and it wasn't as hectic as it was the last time. You and Jean had decided to elope. You decided not to tell anyone, except Mikasa, that the wedding was real this time. Everyone you knew had been under the impression that you were spouses.

The day you went to court, Mikasa had been your only witness. You liked the idea of eloping. It was more intimate. No camera, no scripts. Just you and Jean.

Buying what you call a 'mansion' was not on your bingo card. Before you officially made Jean your husband, you had lived in a penthouse that Levi owned. You thought it was perfect- there was enough space for you and Jean. However, it was time to put your big boy pants on.

The outside of your home looks scary. No, it was a pretty house but this was a HUGE mansion. The inside of your home was very homey, however. There were office spaces for you and Jean- which he loved because he was getting back into law again (he had to quit his job because fans and Yeagerists, Eren's "fandom", had found his place of work and harassed him in some sort of way. Jean works with an elite private firm now), a game room, an inside gym, and a sitting room. Your backyard had a pool, a cabana, a garden, and outside guest quarters.

To be perfectly honest, you both found yourself in your offices. You started your own successful wedding planning business and Jean had his cases. Sometimes you felt like a big home was a waste of time. It's not like you had people to live in it for you.

"Jean, we need to talk."

Jean had just come home from work. It was one in the morning. You were standing in front of him in one of your many bathrobes. Jean walks up to you and plants a kiss on your forehead. "What's up, babe? No hi or anything?"

"I'm afraid that you're not taking care of yourself well enough," you start. "What do you mean, baby?" Jean asks mindlessly as he removes his coat. "Oh, would you stop with the baby thing? I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"

Jean looks at you like you hit his mother or something. "I don't think a serious conversation includes you raising your voice at me," he answers. "Excuse me? Your thick head doesn't like to listen to anyone, so we got to yell things into it," you retort. Jean ignores you and makes his way to the kitchen. You're eyes widen- he's never walked away from you before. "Excuse me!” you call after him.

There is no response from Jean, who pulls a white wine from the fridge. "You're not drinking that. Not until you hear me out," you try again. "Well, you could have told me instead of chewing me out about calling you 'baby', y/n," Jean responds. He turns away from you again and starts looking through the cabinets for a wine glass. You take this as an opportunity to take the wine off the island counter and pour it out. Jean's head snaps back once he hears liquids going down the drain. "What the hell is your problem? I can't drink now?!" he snaps.

"I'm worried about you, idiot. You come home late, I never hear you eating, you don't take your double showers and you're always exhausted. You don't think your job is hurting you? I don't even see you anymore. Your job is hurting us!" you cry.

Jean shakes his head and mutters some nonsense under his breath before placing the wine glass he picked on the island counter. He shakes his head as he leaves.

"Are you gonna be like this when the baby is here?" You call out.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you going to be working long hours and act like a jerk when I'm farther along? What about when the baby gets here? At this point, the baby doesn't even have a father."

Jean walks over to you with confusion in his eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm pregnant, Jean," you say with a small chuckle. I've wanted to tell you this whole time but you've been busy and I just got fed up tonight because I miss you."

Jean doesn't say a word. Instead, he undoes your robe and places a hand on your stomach. "We're having a baby? Are you serious? Us? How..."

You could only smile wider. Seeing Jean in awe about your very small bump was an entertaining sight.

"I'll...I'll talk to my b-boss. In fact, I-I'll q-quit my job...yeah! I'll q-quit!" he finally lets out.

"Oh no, don't do that. Just get your hours fixed and if they don't allow that, we'll find a different place, yeah?"

"S-sure," Jean stutters. "Are you hungry? Would you like me to order something? Do you want socks? What do you want?"

"I think I want you to take a bath and for you to sleep, mister," you answer. Jean still in a trance, obeys.

"I can't believe we had two. I was under the impression there was only one."

"At least they'll keep the big room you painted busy."

Jean had one of your newborns sprawled on his bare chest. You cradled the other one in your arms. A little boy and girl. Your daughter, Maia, already had Jean wrapped around her finger. Your son, Marquis, was a little independent, despite being a few days old.

"I can't believe we made them," Jean says. After your emergency C-section, Jean was back into that trance he was in when you first told him you were pregnant. "We should have one more. We have pretty babies."

"Shut up, Jean."

You never thought you'd allow a camera in your sight again. Obviously, there was the paparazzi that hounded you and your children down on the regular. But a camera allowed by you in your home? Never. Until today.

It's been seven years since you met the love of your life. You're thirty now and Jean is thirty-two. The two little menaces in your home are three. Maia and Marquis were just like their father- silly and full of life unless otherwise. But at least they look like you (except the pieces of ash brown in their hair that they picked up from Jean). You were pregnant with another. You hoped that your child would bring you peace but even if they were as colorful as your two, it wouldn't matter to you.

You sat in the family room with Jean and your twins as the camera team prepared their cameras and other equipment. Jean was trying his best to keep your children in one place, as you adjust your hair.

"Ms. y/n, are you ready?" Your interviewer asks. You nod and Jean gives you a nervous look. "Hey, kids...why don't you go into the sitting room. We'll come get you later, yeah?" you say softly. Your twins start to whine but they also start their walk to the sitting room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kirstein, I'll count you off now," your cameraman says. You both nod, waiting for the interviewer to start asking you questions.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kirstein, it's such an honor to meet you both. Seven years together...amazing. You've been together for almost a decade now," your interviewer starts.

"It's been interesting but it's been nice getting to know my girlfriend of seven years now," Jean says jokingly. "Oh stop it," you reply teasingly.

"How have you changed since the Bachelorette?"

You take a deep breath and Jean looks down awkwardly. "Well, we've been cautious. Obviously, with our privacy but also with the people we allow in our circle," you answer. "We've been in contact with a few contestants and it's been on and off. We've learned that trust is key...not only in marriage but who we bring into it," Jean says.

"If you don't mind me asking, who is in your life right now? Have you been in contact with your father? What about Levi?"

Jean clinches his fist and you take it in your hand, letting him know you were still here with him. "Well, Bertholdt and Reiner are still one of our biggest friends," you answer. Reiner and Bertholdt had a baby recently, a little girl named Gabi, but you decided not to announce that to protect their privacy. "Mikasa and I are still friends and we're still trying to get used to Eren being in her-our lives." Mikasa and Eren met up again and Mikasa was still head over heels for him. You were uncomfortable (because of his silence when his fans harassed your husband) at first but he was good to her. "The twins absolutely adore Levi and Erwin. They're their grandpas," you finish. You still hadn't answered the question about Jean's father.

"And your father? Mr. Kirstein?"

"My father is not in my life. Please stop asking."

The interviewer purses their lips, now feeling embarrassed. “I apologize, Mr. Kirstein. I’ll ask the next question: what are some obstacles you’ve faced in your relationship?”

“Well, we thought we had communication down. But we didn’t…at least not completely. But we managed,” you say.

“I think our children are proof of it,” Jean suddenly includes.

You glare at him and slap his hand, non verbally telling him to shut up. He only gives you a cheeky smile.

The rest of the questions were about hardships, what turned you both on, and your hopes for the future.

When the interviewer finally announced that the last question was coming up, you couldn’t have been happier.

“What are three things you appreciate about each other?”

You look at Jean and then back at the interviewer. “Er-well…I-“

“I appreciate how serious you get,” Jean interrupts, “ how kind you are and how dedicated you are- especially to your children and your career. I wouldn’t want anyone else but you.”

“Jean-“ your voice cracked. It always seemed like you had power over your husband and he was just your dog but he still knew how to overpower you with his words. “I don’t know what to say…you’re so dedicated to our family. Watching you play with our kids, feed them, and put them to sleep- you just prove that you're the perfect man for this job. I see how you treat your mom and I don’t worry about our children and me being mistreated. And you’re so strong. You lost the person who should have been there for you and your mom but you still worked hard and you found some peace. I love you, Jean Kirstein.

Jean takes your hand and kisses it. “I love you too, y/n l/n.”

The End.

once again, thank you for reading the bachelorette! do me a favor and rate this series! it would be very much appreciated :) see y’all soon

#black!reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot x black! reader #jean x black!reader #jean x reader #bertholdt x reader #connie spinger x reader #eren x reader #reiner x reader #armin arlert x reader #floch x reader #porco x reader #onyankopon x reader #nicolo x reader #colt grice x reader

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the-coffee-story · 4 years ago

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Coffee - Murder in Red Moon Motel

Chapter 9 - An unexpected Meeting

The door opened, letting a gust of August wind inside. A young woman with dark lipstick, a white fur coat and a burgundy dress walked into the diner. The Professor didn't really pay attention until she came up to his table and waved her hand into his face. "Hey!"

He couldn't believe his eyes at first and just stared in pure amazement at first, like a student at their first good grade after a bad few months.

"Grace?" His tone had gone up in surprise.

The woman nodded excitedly. Her blue eyes were sparkling like frozen leaves on Christmas morning. She looked so much happier than the last time.

The Professor clapped slowly. "Applause. You look fantastic, and I'm not one to throw around compliments."

"Thank you." She chuckled. "I practised in secret."

"It looks...it looks simply amazing, Grace."

She sat down at the table, her smile still so wide one could get worried the corners of her mouth might meet on the back of her head. "Ha. Anyway, what are we doing about the Denny Chung thing now?"

"I was thinking we could go to Red Moon Motel. Maybe check for security cameras, ask the staff-" He was interrupted by a couple suddenly appearing by the table like jumpscares in a cheap horror film.

"Good evening everyone, I heard you were talking about Denny Chung. Mind if we join you?" The woman didn't even await an answer and landed next to Grace. The man gave everyone an apologetic glance before sitting down next to her. When he brushed a curl behind his ear they could see that he was missing a thumb.

"Sure, go ahead," the Professor said long after it had been necessary to reply.

"Okay, hi everyone," the woman said. Her voice was deep and husky. The Professor bet on chainsmoking. "I'm Harley, this is Quentin."

"Hi, I'm Grace." Grace gave her a smile.

"You're cool, just wanted to point that out," Harley commented. She turned to the Professor. "And you are...?"

"Professor Jules Calvet, at your service."

She nodded. "Excellent, we might require said service."

Quentin cleared his throat. "What we wanted to ask is...how much do you know about Denny Chung's case?"

"Not much yet," Grace admitted. "We're planning to investigate tho, because it's fishy as hell."

"Good!" Quentin sighed in relief.

"Here's the thing," Harley explained. "We're private investigators, and Beverly Chung - that's his wife - hired us to prove her husband was murdered. Now, the problem is, she pays after seeing results. And we need the money to pay our bills in twelve days, otherwise we get evicted and shit goes down crap creek and that's not nice."

The Professor nodded. "Aha."

"You get where this is going, right?"

"Absolutely." He tilted his head. "Twelve days is quite a task."

"We're well aware," Quentin sighed.

"So..." Harley's eyes were narrowed. "How about we join forces on this case?"

The Professor drummed his fingers on the table.

"Grace, what do you think?", he asked.

She chewed her full lip. "Hmm..."

"I mean...we all want the same, am I right?", Harley tried to convince them. "We all want to prove Denny Chung was killed. Might as well work together doing it. And once we're finished we get our pay and you get...uh, honor, I guess?"

"I've lost my honor twenty years ago and I've no desire to get it back, you live better without it," the Professor said. "I have a purely scientific interest in this case."

"I don't think my honor is in a good place either," Grace admitted. "But in terms of your proposal, yep, I'm in."

A wide grin spread on Harley's face. "Excellent."

"Just a question beforehand."

Harley's eyebrows shot up. "Hm?"

"I'm trans. Do you two have any problem with that?"

Harley shrugged her shoulders. "Nope."

Quentin shook his head. "Me neither."

Grace's blue eyes widened. "You really don't mind?"

"Honey. Sweetie. Gorgeous." Harley blew her a kiss. "Kermit the fucking frog could waltz up to me and tell me he'll help me with this fucking murder and I'd be ready. I really wouldn't wanna become homeless over stupid bigotry."

"Oh. Okay." Grace bit her lip.

"Which of course doesn't mean I'm gonna be a bitch over here," Harley quickly assured her. "I just literally don't give a fuck what the hell your gender is. Heck, you could be a fridge for all I care."

Grace laughed. "Then it's sealed. Prof, what do you think?"

He nodded. "I'm in."

***

"Before you even say it, I'm not reducing Grace to being pretty here. She was one of the sharpest people I've ever known. You all pale in comparison to her." Harley laughed. "Don't take that personal, you're still functional adults. Mostly."

"Yeah, I'm definitely not," Gary Fox mumbled.

"Gary, you're good, have you seen me?"

"October, really, have you seen me?!"

"Nope, can't say I have, at least not lately."

"The joke's getting old, it should retire already," the Doctor said.

#reviews are welcome ;)#remember to listen to the song #the coffee story #murder in red moon motel

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bobasheebaby · 5 years ago

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60 Once Upon a Time Prompts

Clearly I’m trying to keep my mind busy. 60 OUAT quotes I love this time. Most of these are angsty again, but some are sweet or hopeful. I tried to pick ones that would work for most if not all books. Another long one so breaking at 15 again.

1 "When I win your heart NAME, and I will win it. It won't be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me." — Killian James Hook

2 “Magic always comes with a price." — Rumplestiltskin

3 "Maybe I don't need answers. Maybe I just need to punch you in the face." — Emma Swan

4 "True love isn't easy, but it must be fought for because once you find it, it can never be replaced." — Prince Charming

5 "Your happy ending may not be what you expect. That is what will make it so special." — Snow White

6 “I will find you. I will always find you.” — David/Prince Charming

7 “Love makes us sick, haunts our dreams, destroys our days. Love has killed more than any disease.” — Rumplestiltskin

8 “Now that I know you love me too ... “ “I don’t.” “ ... what?” “Love you. I don’t. I’m sorry. You said I would always be in your heart, and ... that is too cruel a fate. Go live your life. Live it without me, because there is no place for us together. And fill your heart with love for someone else — someone who can love you the way I never have. The way I never will.” — Prince Charming & Snow White

9 “What do you see in me?” “Evidently the same thing you see in me. A second chance.” — Evil Queen & Robin Hood

10 “I’m sorry, do ... do I know you?” “No. But you will.” — Belle & Mr Gold

11 “I do hope you like apples.” — Regina Mills

12 “What the hell are you doing here?” “Helping.” “Well, you’re too late.” “Am I?” “I thought you didn’t care about anyone but yourself.” “Maybe I just needed reminding that I could.” — Emma Swan & Killian James Hook

13 “I love you, NAME. I just wish I was strong enough to stop all this. I’m just not.” “You may not be strong enough, but maybe we are!” — Regina Mills & Emma Swan

14 “The future isn’t always what it seems. I will see you again.” — Belle

15 “Why should we trust you?” “We don’t have to. If he/she tries anything, I’ll shoot him/her in the face.” “Quite hostile, aren’t we?” “Just being clear.” — Emma Swan, David Nolan & Killian James Hook

16 “We have history together.” “That would explain the distrustful look on her face.” — Regina Mills & Mr Gold

17 “Because hero’s do what’s right ... not ... what’s easy.” — Snow White

18 “You promised me the truth, not a bloody tour.” “The truth is tricky. You have to look for it.” — Killian James Hook & Emma Swan

19 “‘Envy’ is just another word for ambition.” “Well, that’s just ... not true.” — Zelena & Evil Queen

20 “NAME, I’ve seen what life has thrown at you, and you still fight against the darkness every day. Sooner or later, your heart will find its way to happiness.” [sighs] “that doesn’t feel possible.” “But it is. I know you, and you feel things deeply, with or without it, you feel things with your whole soul. Don’t let anything hold you back.” — Snow White & Evil Queen

21 “You must leave, because despite what you hope ... I’m still a monster.” “Don’t you see? That’s exactly the reason I have to stay.” — Mr Gold & Belle

22 “Love is sacrifice.” — Mulan

23 “I know love when I see it.” — Princess Aurora

24 “I suppose this is your doing.” “Most things are.” — Regina Mills & Mr Gold

25 “That thing out there is dangerous. And NAME ... he/she left to protect you. So even if I don’t believe in his/her methods, I’m going to honor his/her wishes. I’m going to keep you safe.” — Mulan

26 “You’ve grown so much.” “You know me?” [smiles] “I’m your mother/father/grandparent/aunt/uncle.” — Anita & Red Riding Hood

27 “No matter what you might’ve done in your past, NAME sees the good in you, and ... that tells me one thing.” “What?” “That it’s in there. So if we can all see it, why can’t you?” — Belle & Ruby

28 “I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to lose your family.” “I didn’t lose my family today. I protected it.” — Snow White & Red Riding Hood

29 “You saved me.” “No. You saved yourself. I just reminded you of what you already knew.” — Ruby & David Nolan

30 “He’s/She’s not that powerful.” “Love how you underestimate me. Adorable.” — Ursula & Rumplestiltskin

31 “NAME. Shall I move some things, make a bit of space for your rage?” — Mr Gold

32 “Two people with a common goal can accomplish many things. Two people with a common enemy ... can accomplish even more.” — Mr Gold

33 “He’s/she’s a snake, NAME. You need to be careful you get into bed with.” — Regina Mills

34 “You didn’t pick a great friend in NAME, NAME. But he/she does make a superlative enemy.” [smiles] “Enjoy that!” — Regina Mills

35 “I believe you can do anything you want, as long as you can dream it.” — Dreamy (dwarf)

36 [about love] “It’s the most wonderful and amazing thing in the world. Love is hope, it fuels our dreams. And if you’re in it, you need to enjoy it. Because love doesn’t always last forever.” — Belle

37 “Now go, find your love. Find your hope. Find your dreams.” — Belle

38 “You see me as a villain, NAME. But that’s just your perception, you’re wrong. Learn your place in this town/country, or soon enough you won’t be in it.” — Regina Mills

39 “Well, if you can’t beat him/her/them ... drink.” — Sidney Glass

40 “Love makes people do foolish things.” — King Leopold

41 “I thought you’d only risk your life for love or revenge.” “One other important thing — me.” — Tinkerbell & Captain Killian James Hook

42 “There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t think of you.” “Good.” — Killian James Hook & Emma Swan

43 “Please, you couldn’t handle it.” “Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.” — Emma Swan & Killian James Hook

44 “There’s nothing more important than family.” — Evil Queen

45 “You were right, NAME. You don’t abandon family.” — Evil Queen

46 “How can he/she remember who you are, when he’s/she’s lost sight of who he/she is?” — Jiminy Cricket

47 “I‘ve spent far too much time looking for my husband/wife. It’s time to bring him/her home!” — David Nolan

48 “Ok, don’t take this the wrong way, but how the hell did you get here?” — Emma Swan

49 “I want justice.” “Tread carefully. It’s dangerous to confuse vengeance with justice.” — Princess Aurora & Mulan

50 “Why can’t you just listen to me?” “Why couldn’t you have trusted me?” — Mary Margaret & Emma Swan

51 “Family is everything, my dear. Losing all hope of having one — there is no greater misery.” — King George

52 “Just who are you, NAME?” “Wouldn’t you like to know.” — Killian James Hook & Emma Swan

53 “You know, there's not a ton about my father/mother that I remember that doesn't suck. But he/she used to tell me that there are no coincidences. Everything that happens, happens by design, and there's nothing we can do about it; forces greater than us conspire to make it happen. Fate, destiny, whatever you wanna called it, the point is... maybe we met for a reason. Maybe something good came from us being together.” — Neal Cassidy

54 “Well, who doesn’t love a surprise?” — Emma Swan

55 “Doesn't matter now. I'm over it. And you.” “Why do you wear the, uh ... key chain/necklace/ring/item I got you?” [stops short to think this over, then pulls the item off and hands it back] “To remind myself never to trust someone again.” — Emma Swan & Neal Cassidy

56 “There's no greater pain than regret.” “Try abandonment.” — Mr Gold & Neal Cassidy

57 “I'm not sad. I'm pissed. Yes, NAME just died, but I lost him/her years ago. All that time thinking that he/she didn't love me, only to find out that he/she did, and it was too late. I can't even tell him/her how angry that makes me, or how much it hurt when he/she left, or how terrified I was when he/she came back. I knew the moment I saw him/her, I never stopped loving him/her.” — Emma Swan

58 “We've only been together eight months. I've had leftovers in my fridge for longer than that.” — Emma Swan

59 “I say we fight!” “Fighting is a bad idea. Giving in to one's dark side never accomplishes anything.” “And how many wars has a clear conscience won?” — Prince Charming & Jiminy Cricket

60 “Oh, you foolish girl/boy! Don't you know? Love is weakness.” “No. It’s strength!” — Cora & Emma Swan

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beelsfeels · 4 years ago

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A profile of my Obey Me OC, Shoshi! (Pronounced like Yoshi)

Picrew 1 Picrew 2

Name: Shoshi (short for Shoshana)

Age: 27

Pronouns: She/They

Sexuality: Bi

Height: 5′6″

Background: raised Jewish, got into Jewish Mysticism as an adult, began worshiping Lilith, and has Lilith's sigil tattooed beneath her bellybutton. She feels VERY awkward about it in the House of Lamentation.

Random HC: Namaah exists at RAD and is a totally hottie BAMF that Shoshi has a Huge Gay Crush on, to the point she can't really form cohesive thoughts around her, a fact that Satan and Asmodeus love to team up and exploit for the LOLs.

Summary: Horny-For-Yall Death-Wish with Crippling Anxiety. Copes with humor and memes. The ultimate self-insert.

Relationships with the brothers:

Lucifer:

- Shoshi and Lucy have a very complex relationship, she both admires and is intimidated by the eldest.

- Shoshi is a huge brat and it gets her in trouble a LOT with Lucifer. He goes easy on her though, which is good because her anxiety skyrockets when this man get That Look™️ when anyone is acting up.

- When Lucifer tried to intimidate her at Diavolo's weekend retreat while dancing, Shoshi straight up cussed him out and stormed off to the balcony to angry cry.

- Eventually had an argument so heated she wasn't sure if she was about to be murdered or have the best sex of her life.

- it was the latter

- they started casually dating after that, and Shoshi would often stay up late with Lucifer to keep him company while he does paperwork.

- Lucifer is very protective of her, and often walks her to each of her classes, a hand on her lower back. This draws many stares from the other students and becomes harder for her to make friends outside of the HoL.

- HC that Lucifer teaches one of her classes and she can NOT pay attention which earns her lots of after class "punishments"

- listen up, Morningstar

- "What did you just call me?"

- ::books it at high velocity towards wherever Diavolo is::

Mammon:

- Shoshi is his Ride or Die (Ride AND die more like) best friend.

- will destroy anyone who talks crap on the 2nd eldest.

- maybe a tiny human but WILL throw hands for his honor

- always ends in Mammon having to save her which is counterintuitive

- they share one (1) braincell when they are together and it's full of the literal worst ideas.

- snuggle buddies, Mammon won't admit he likes her out loud but will end up in her room Every Night that Lucifer hasn't already sanctioned her time.

- Jealous of her relationships with every other brother, but will tolerated a three way spoon with Beel since he's a walking teddy bear.

- "after this hare brained scheme we will have enough money to buy you a bigger bed"

- they never do

- invented a silent eye contact language for when Lucifer is lecturing them for hours about how irresponsible they have been.

Leviathan

-Leviachan! ::Jump hugs him::

-"Shoshi!! You can't just hug me without warning!"

-Levi is always having a heart attack around Shoshi either because she's flirting with him or she's absolutely crushing him at video games

-Shoshi would literally die for this boy, is absolutely in love with this Otaku king.

-she thinks it is unrequited until one night she's crushing him too hard at Mario Kart and he finds ways to... Distract her.

-Shoshi will protect Levi at all costs and he REALLY doesn't need her to, why does this human think she can take on everyone she's so bad at fighting.

-what that tail do?

-"please stop asking me that"

Satan

-fast burn enemies to lovers

-Satan does not appriciate Shoshi's humor, as it relates to him.

-"Shosh, do you want to study together tonight?"

-Not Today, Satan

-"Shoshi I brought you your homework"

-Hail Satan!

-Turns into her closest confidant

-lots of book reading, philosophical conversations, and wine nights

-Got Satan to join her in her morning yoga rituals to help with his wrath problem

-Loves going on dates with Satan, he's so upfront and honest, though not as affectionate as she would like

-she respects his personal space

-he lectures her on her "death wish" for all the times she says "fight me" unless it's to Lucifer then he buys her a new book or hands her a kitten he happened to have on hand.

-cat memes back and forth 24/7

-Her actual "first demon" 😉

-"You little brat" (that is a threat)

-she loves it

Asmodeus

- gossip girls

- weekly bath night, bubble bath, face masks, painting each other's nails

- Asmo gives her all the latest DevilDom gossip, and even when it's about people she doesn't know at all she will still chug that tea

- casual nakedness, don't pop into one of their hangouts if you're not ready for an eyeful

- Satan learned that the hard way

- Beel also did, but didn't mind as much

- has to literally put a ward on the door to keep Mammon from busting into Asmos room and dragging Shoshi out

- "no older brothers allowed" sign on the door.

- sneaks out to go clubbing, Shoshi doesn't drink much but she LOVES to dance

- "describe Lucifers abs to me, do not leave out any details"

- ASmo No! i don't want to die over some glorious abs!

- "excuse you, what would be a better way to die than that??"

- also has a secret language for when Lucifer lectures them, but it involves mostly puppy dog eyes and trying to guilt Lucifer into forgiving them

- has never worked once

Beel

- the most dramatic friendship 180 in the history of the DevilDom

- Shoshi thought he was an anger issues Jock who punches walls and threatens to eat her

- Well cannibal serial killers have stated on record that humans with tattoos don't taste that good so you probably shouldn't eat me

- can't believe that worked

- staying in his room after the kitchen incident and cuddling with him in bed, talking about the loss of their sisters, and how important family was, she realizes he was a soft boi that needed protected

- that night beel became her second demon 😉

- Shoshi loves cooking, so they cook together a lot, helping each other when they're in charge of meals

- Shoshi starts a vegetable and fruit garden outside the house of lamentation, teaching Beel how to grow food, which he takes to very well (after a few casualties of fully eaten tomato plants)

- this significantly helps the fridge situation at HoL, which all are grateful for

- the fridge checks, while occaisionally sexy, mostly actually involve Shoshi jumping at Beel to see if he will catch her (Brooklyn 99 gag style)

- "Beels what's your T-Shirt made of? Cause it feels like husband material"

- "oh, I think it's a demon cotton blend"

- I love you, my sweet Himbo.

Belphie

-Belphi take me to Majolish

-"No, I'm tired."

-Remember that one time you literally killed me

-"okay I'll be there in 5"

-Shoshi is the only one who could possibly out nap Belphie

-Beel/Belphie/ Shoshi cuddle puddles and snack nights.

-rarely hangs out with him alone because he did, in fact, murder her once

-They leave each other super soft pillows without notes or any context and it has turned into a rivalry to find the BEST pillow. Winner gets bragging and napping rights.

BONUS:

Diavolo

- You're my Dad! Boogie woogie woogie

- teaches him all the latest memes and dances

- No fear for this man, which disturbs and upsets pretty much everyone.

- one time Lucifer asked Shoshi to Please Stop asking the Prince of Demons for piggy back rides

- Shoshi told on Lucifer and in fact got MORE piggy back rides.

- They have Lucifer Imitation contests where they just say "Don't Dissapoint Diavolo" back and forth till one of them cracks up.

- Did not anticipate any sexy business with this Goliath Friend, but caught Luci and him smooching one time and one thing lead to another...

- Did not change their friendship at all, the Two Most Immature People In The Entire DevilDom

Solomon

- ::stranger danger siren goes off::

- I don't trust you Wizard boy

- Asmo said you can have a little rights, but you're on thin fucking Ice mister

- oh you got 72 demons? It'd be cooler if they were cats and dogs.

- only teams up with him for kareoke nights and other human themed activities because no one else understands

Things Shoshi has said without context:

"Why does everyone in this house have bigger titties than me"

"Lucifer took his gloves off and I almost passed out"

"I'm from the United States of America in the year of our Lord 2020, you can not scare me"

"It really do be YEET or be YEETED in this house, huh?"

"Mammon if you even look at that cat wrong I will round house kick you into the next century and claim my rightful place as second oldest"

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me MC #obey me OC #obey me headcannons

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madamsixx · 4 years ago

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Beyond The Leather Chapter 86: It Takes Two

Flashback July 1982 - Iman at 12 years old

I sat in Tamara's living room watching TV while I waited for Ola to come and get me. Tamara was in the room getting ready for her boyfriend Leroy to come and pick her up. They were going out today to some event that Tamara had to attend.

Ring Ring Ring

Tamara came running out of the room trying to get her earing on her ear.

Ring Ring Ring

"Hello?" Tamara answered then pressed speaker putting the phone down.

"Hi Tamara, it's Ola, how are you?"

"Hi Ola, I'm fine. Are you heading over to get Iman?"

"About that, I'm still at the studio taking pictures. Can you hold onto her a little longer?"

Tamara rolled her eyes and looked at me. "Ola." She growled. "I have an event that I have to attend you know that. I can’t bring her with me." She put her hands on her hips.

"Can Theresa stay with her?"

"Theresa is busy." She said with attitude. "The agreement was that I would take her to photoshoots, and you pick her up from my place. That is what her mom wants, she can't stay here. And I can't take her with me."

I stared at Tamara as she gave me a death glare. I scratched the back of my neck and looked down at my thighs.

"It's just for 20 more minutes." Ola argued.

"My god, you know what come and get her tomorrow morning I'll just bring her to the event with me." She picked up the receiver and hung up without saying bye. She looked back up at me and clenched her jaw. "Well get up and get ready. You're coming with me." She said with an angry tone.

I got up and walked to the room. She pulled out a dress and small heel for me to wear. She buned my hair up tightly and applied thick makeup on my face.

"When Leroy comes just say I decided that it would be a good idea to bring you along so you can see how these events work, alright."

"Yes." I nodded.

3 minutes later...

Knock Knock Knock

"Iman get the door it's Leroy!" Tamara called from the room.

I got up and opened the door. "Hi Leroy." I smiled.

"Hey Iman, how you doing?" He smiled back walking into the apartment.

"I'm ok, Tamara's in the room getting ready." I closed the door and sat back on the couch.

"You look really nice, where you going?"

"Hi." Tamara spoke up walking out of the room.

Leroy got off the couch and walked towards Tamara. He peppered her face and lips with several kisses then picked her up and swung her around.

"Leroy." She laughed. "My goodness you're crazy."

"And you're beautiful." He whispered.

"Is this what you're wearing?" She questioned looking at his blue jean jacket with black Jeans. "Leroy this is a huge event with classy people. I told you that."

"Still caring about looks are we. Iman, don't be like Tamara." He chuckled looking at me.

"Oh, stop it." She playfully smacked his arm. "Well you can't change now. Alright we should get going. Iman is coming with us."

"Oh, that's great. Now I have two pretty ladies by my side." He turned to look back at me. "Come on Iman let's race to the car."

I laughed as me and Leroy made a run for the door.

"Do not run!" Tamara yelled.

At event...

The event was boring. I had no idea what they were talking about. All I know is that people kept walking up to me and saying how pretty I was. Tamara was showing me off to everybody. Leroy kept making funny faces at me making me laugh. Tamara would nudge him or pinch him telling him to stop. He worshipped Tamara. I think he loves her, and she loves him. He is nice, and I like him.

I turned back around to face the stage. As I turned my head, I noticed another guy was looking in our direction of the table. He was staring at Tamara. He was wearing a black and white suit. He had gold rings on his finger, and he looked very clean and neat. He looked rich. I turned to look at Tamara who was staring back at him. I then turned to look at Leroy who was paying attention to the speaker on stage. I looked back at the guy as he picked his wine glass up taking a sip of it but not taking his eyes off Tamara.

1 hour later...

"Hey sweetheart I'm going to go out for a smoke alright." Leroy got up and kissed Tamara then headed out of the venue.

I watched as the black and white suit guy stood up and walked towards our table. Tamara leaned back on her chair and lifted one leg over the other.

"Hi." He smiled with all white teeth showing. "You look lovely this evening." He held his hand out. Tamara put her hand in his and he gave her a kiss on it.

"Why thank you." She smiled. "And you look spiffy."

"And who's this?" He looked at me.

"Iman introduce yourself." Tamara Head nodded.

"Hi, I'm Iman Darlington." I barely whispered.

"She's a beauty. Nothing compared to you of course." He smiled. "May I have the honor of dancing with you? Or does that…thing you call a man own you?" He snorted.

“No…he doesn’t.”

"Leroy-" I spoke up.

"Yes, just wait for me on the dance floor." She smiled and pointed interrupting me.

He raised his brows then nodded and walked towards the dance floor.

"Stupid girl!" She whispered shouts and pinches me.

"Ow!"

"Shut up! Who told you to talk!" She pointed in my face. "Listen here, you're not going to say anything to Leroy. It's not a bad thing if I'm dancing with a different guy. Leroy does it all the time." She explains.

I stare at her rubbing my arm.

"Look Iman." She sighs. "It's just a dance. It means nothing. It's not a big deal when you dance with another guy alright. You're just having some fun. It doesn't mean anything."

I nodded slowly.

"I need you to go stand by the door over there and watchout for Leroy. When he's coming back into the building, walk back over to the table and sit down so I know he's inside. Alright. Can you do for me? I'll give you the day off tomorrow alright." She smiles.

"Alright." I mumble and get off the chair.

"Remember Iman." She speaks up. "It's not a bad thing to have a boyfriend and dance with different guys. If the guy doesn't find out, you're fine."

I nodded again and headed towards the door to be the look out. I stood there and stared back at Tamara as she started dancing seductively with the suit guy. I guess if Leroy doesn't find out and it is just a dance with no kissing involved. It's not a bad thing.

Flashback ended

I woke up the next morning turning my head to face Nikki, but he wasn't in bed. I was kind of upset with him yesterday for leaving me throbbing, wet, and horny. I know he was angry about me dancing with Kelly, but it was meaningless. It's not like I was going to do something with him. I got up and walked over to my dresser and pulled out my robe to put on. I walked to bathroom then brushed my teeth and headed out into my living room. As I walked out, I saw Nikki leaning against my countertop in the kitchen.

"Morning." I smiled nervously.

"Morning."

"Um...what are you drinking?"

"Coffee."

I don't know how to cut the tension. It seemed to me like he's only going to give me one worded answer. I can tell he is still pissed off. I already said sorry yesterday. He even got back at me. What more does he want?

"I'm not sure why you’re still angry with me." I raised my brows. "It's not that serious. It was just a dance."

He looked at me and raised his brows in disbelief. "Wow." He scoffed and shook his head.

"Can you make me a cup of tea?" I smile and sit on my chair grabbing a magazine off the table that I have already read just to avoid eye contact.

"Do you have hands and legs?" He responds dryly.

I open the magazine and just stare at it. "Well you're right there. Just put two scoops of sugar and milk please." I respond dryly as well.

He slams his mug down on the counter making me flinch then turns around to grab me a mug. He pulls the bag of red rose and puts the tea bag in my drink then stomps over to the fridge and pulls the milk out to pour it into my cup. He puts the two scoops of sugar in then brings me the mug.

"Thank you." I smile taking it from him. He walked back over to the counter and picked up his mug then walked out into the living room. "Can't even put the milk away?" I grumble. I dipped my tea bag in and out a couple of times then pull it out and drank my tea. "Yuk...uh!" I start spitting and gagging my tea out. "What the hell!?" I grabbed the mug and walked over to the sink and poured out my tea. I look over to the side and see my container of salt on the countertop. "What the hell is his problem!?" I march out of the kitchen yelling at Nikki. He just sat their flipping through channels on my TV while drinking his coffee not even looking one bit phased. "Prick!" I spat and walked into my bedroom slamming the door shut.

I opened my drawer and pulled out some of my clothes so that after I showered, I could put them on. I was about to take off my robe when the door opened. Nikki paused for a bit staring at me then sighed. He walked over to his suitcase closing it up then picked it up along with his duffel bag.

"Are you leaving?" I asked as he walked towards the door.

He stopped and sighed then turned around. He rubbed his lips together then bit the side of his cheek. "You haven't changed." He mumbled.

"Nikki-"

"Don't." He shook his head then walked out the door.

I heard the front door open and slam shut then heard my gate open and his car drive off.

Afternoon...

I had to meet up with Jess to go over things that would be happening through out the up coming months for me. I don't know why we had to do it today, aren't people supposed to be off on break. From work?

"Ok so you got the part for the movie Boys in The Da Hood. Filming is going to begin in November. Also, there are a lot of perfumes that are coming out and they want you to be the face of them. Tamara is obviously going to choose the one that pays more." Jess rambled. "Earth to Mani." Jess snapped her fingers in my face.

"Huh!"

"Oh, my goodness what is it?" She groans and rolls her eyes then closes her schedule book.

"Why are relationships so hard?" I ask.

She chuckles and shakes her head. "Well I mean, you have to put in the work to be with someone you really love. It's about sacrificing, and meeting the needs of your other half, making sure that you put them first and they put you first. Relationships can be hard, especially if you're not ready for one." She raises her brow at me.

"I told Nikki I was ready to try again when I went to go see him in New Jersey, but I don't know if...I made the right decision." I shrugged.

"What happened?" Jess asked giving me her full attention.

"Well." I hesitated and looked down. "We went out last night and I... kind of danced with this other guy...but it was harmless. He was nice and we talked, I didn't want him in that way."

"Ok." Jess nodded. "Is that all?"

"Ok...so after our dance these two guys got into a fight and accidentally knocked me over and he helped me up. My foot was hurting so he looked at it and then Nikki came and went all psycho when he found out that I danced with him."

"Ok, ok." Jess nodded again then sat up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well first off, Nikki is a very needy, jealous, and possessive type of guy. I can see that when he looks at you. And it also doesn't help that you want to keep your relationship with him a secret. Because it probably makes him feel insecure."

"I'm just not ready to tell anyone about us, look what I went through. And my mom will be furious." I sigh and rub my face.

"And that's understandable. But you also must understand Mani, that he's going through looking at life differently as a recovering addict. He has a lot feelings and emotions that he is trying to deal with. Love is one of them. When you do things like talking to different guys, dancing with them, or maybe being a little flirtatious. You must remember that he is dealing with these emotions sober so may not be able to approach the situation very well. And in all honesty, you shouldn't be doing any of those things. You're in a relationship."

"I didn't think about that." I say sadly. “But honestly Jess, it was just a dance. It wasn’t serious.

"That’s not the point. You are looking at things from your point of view all the time and what you were taught. That is how I use to think when I saw Nikki. I didn't like him when he was on drugs however, I knew there was something good about him off drugs."

I nod my head and put my arm on the table using my hand to lean my head on. I didn't understand what the big deal was at first. But I guess I have been looking at things in my point of view and Tamara's.

"If you're going to be in a relationship with him, you both have to put in the work and help each other. You need to put your pride aside. You were wrong in that situation."

I sigh and scratch my neck. "I understand."

"If Nikki wants a relationship with you, then he has to be patient with you when you tell him you're not ready to go public. And if you are going to keep Nikki as a secret, then you need to keep reassuring him that you do love him and that you are his and he is yours. You shouldn't be messing with any other guy Mani. It’s not right, even if it’s just a dance."

I sigh and lean back on my chair.

"I know what you went through and it's going to take time to heal mentally. But you also must think about Nikki's feelings. If you guys can't do that, then there's no point being together. Because you will just go back to fighting and physically hurting each other. Do you honestly want to live your life trying to get back at him and him trying to get back at you?"

"No." I shook my head. "He already put salt in my tea this morning and then I yelled at him. He didn't even bother to yell back, he just packed his stuff and said that I haven't changed."

"Like I said, going back and forth trying to hurt each other." She chuckled. "But I'm glad that instead of you retaliating... you opened up to me Mani." She smiled.

"I'm glad I did too." I smiled and nodded. "Wait, why are you calling me Mani now? Nikki and the guys call me that?" I question.

"Because I like Mani." She smiled genuinely. "Alright, can we continue?"

"Yes, we can." I laughed.

"Ok." She opened her book again and continued. "Next month you're going to be announcing one of the awards at the Grammys."

Nighttime...

I put the phone down after calling Nikki for the twentieth time. Me and Jess stopped by his place before she dropped me home but there was no answer. I left him a couple messages hoping that he would call me back when he's ready. In the meantime, while I waited for a call back, I flipped through the channels. I settled on Flash dance; I liked this movie.

Ring Ring Ring

"Hello." I picked up the phone quickly.

"Hi sweetie." It was Jess. "Has Nikki called you back yet?"

"No, not yet." I groaned.

"He probably just needs his space." She spoke softly. "Listen me and Fred are going to head out for a walk. You want to come?"

"I don't want to be a third wheel. Plus is anything even open?" I complained.

"Do you want to come or not?"

"Yes, I'll come." I sighed.

"Alright, I'll be there in five." She hung up.

I decided that rather than sitting by my phone and waiting, I would just go on the walk with them. I turned off my TV and walked to my room and got dressed. I put on a white dress with glasses as a disguise then headed back out to my living room.

15 minutes later...

Jess arrived and I hoped into the back of the car.

"Hi Fred." I greeted as he sat in the drivers’ seat.

"Hey there Mani." He smiled looking back at me.

"Hi sweetie." Jess smiled.

"Hi Jess."

He started the car and drove.

"So, I guess you got yourself into some trouble, huh?" He asks smirking.

"Thanks for telling him Jess." I said with annoyance.

"Well it's called communication. And if I didn't tell him Nikki would have." She chuckled. "So, either way he would have found out."

"I never pegged you to be the one to sway away though." He raised a brow and looked at me through the mirror.

"I didn't say away!" I raised my voice. "It was just a dance! It was nothing serious! I mean I came home with Nikki didn't I?" I argue.

I watched as Fred glanced at Jess then looked straight ahead.

"We already talked about it. She's getting there." Jess patted his shoulder.

"Where are we going anyways?" I ask as we approach a dirt road. The placed looked familiar.

"This is a trail." Fred shrugged then stopped the car.

We all got out of the car. I walked beside Jess and scrunched my face lifting my glasses up and putting them over my head.

"When you said we were going for a walk. I didn't expect to be coming here." I waved my hands. "I'm not dressed to walk up here." I complained pointing to my sandals.

"Mani stop complaining." Jess pushed me towards the hill.

"Jess help me out for a sec!" Fred called to her getting back into the car.

"Yup." She turned and climbed into the car. "Oh sweetie!" Jess called to me.

"Yes." I turned

"You'll need this." She smiled.

She chucked a bottle of water towards me. I caught it and furrowed my brows.

"Where's your water?" I question.

"Oh, we’re walking, but you're hiking." Fred smirked.

Wait...

"What!?" I raised my voice.

I ran and tried to open the back door to the car up, but Fred started the car and reversed quickly.

"Jess! Don't you dare!" I shouted.

She poked her head out window laughing hysterically. "Listen Mani hike up the hill!" She yelled. "Everything will be fine!"

"Jess don't leave me here!" I growled with anger. "It's nighttime they're creepy people out!" I ran towards the car.

He reserved again even farther and stuck his head out the window. "Mani hike up the hill! All your answers will be found up there! Now, me and Jess need titties and dick time!"

"Fred!" Jess yelled and shoved him laughing.

"Ew." I said with disgust. "Jess please!" I pleaded feeling like I was going to cry.

She sighed. "Mani, I promise you! You'll be fine alright! Go up the hill!" She smiled.

Fred turned the car and drove down the dirt rode leaving me there all by myself. I squeezed onto the water bottle. I was scared and nervous. I looked around hearing sounds and the wind blowing. I had no way of calling someone if something happened. What was uphill anyways? I sighed and turned looking up the dirt road. The least they could have done was drive me halfway.

"Can't believe I'm hiking in sandals." I groan.

I started walking up hill on the dirt road. I was breathing hard and kept looking around. I opened my water bottle and took sips from it. The wind was blowing and making the sand from the ground get in my eyes. I pulled my glasses off my head and put them on. I breathed out in frustration. How could Jess do this to me?

7 minutes later...

I leaned against the wall feeling out of breath. I opened my water bottle drinking the last of the water. I wiped the sweat of my face and breathed out. I moved off the wall and continued hiking. This place looked familiar, but I couldn't be sure if I've been here before. I finally approached what looked like the top.

"Oh my god." I breathed taking my glasses off.

I walk up a bit more and stopped as I saw...

"Nikki?" I whispered.

He was sitting on the 7 up looking motorcycle facing the city. So, I have been here before, in 85 after my photo shoot this is where he took me. We drove up here last time on his motorcycle.

"What took you so long?" He spoke up still facing the city.

"W... what?" I asked with wide eyes. "You knew I was coming?"

He stood up from his bike and turned to face me smirking, holding another water bottle out for me. I growled lowly and walked towards him. I snatched the water bottle out of his hand opening it up and taking a long chug.

"You look like shit." He chuckled humorously looking me up and down.

I pulled the bottle down and closed it back up. Giving him an unamused groan.

"I'm glad you chose to climb up though." He smiled sweetly.

"So, what's all this?" I questioned waving my arms. "Are you still trying to punish me? Is that what's going on?" I question with anger.

"Well." He shrugged. "It wasn't my idea to make you hike up." He chuckled humorously. "Fred and Jess thought it would be funny. And looking at you now...it is."

"Ugh god, you Jess, and Fred are annoying. My feet hurt, move." I shove him away from his bike and sit down leaning over to rub my feet.

He bent down and took my feet into his hands. He took my sandals off and stared at the blisters. He grabbed another bottle of water from the compartment of his bike and poured it on my feet cleaning the sand off.

"I'm sorry if the hike was bad for you." He says as he rubs my feet gently.

"I'm ok." I whispered enjoying the feeling of his hands on my feet.

"I wanted to start this year off with no problems. And then we go out and you just had to fucking dance with someone else. And look at the dress you were in." He said sounding disappointed.

"Nikki, I apologized yesterday." I whined. "I'm sorry for this morning and I'm sorry now."

He put my sandals back on my feet. "Tell me something." He says standing up. "Was your ass on his crotch?"

I started grinding my teeth and twitching my toes. "Nikki-"

"Did he get hard?" He moved closer to me crossing his arms over his chest. "Did you like it when he got hard?"

My body felt like it was on fire, I was at the point of wanting to actually punch him. I breathed out knowing that it took a lot for me not to yell back at him. I tensed up when he walked away from me rubbing his face.

"Why'd you dance with Kelly? I mean look at what his friend said about you? Is that how you want guys to see you as?" He points out.

"Nikki look, he was really nice, and I figured it was just a quick dance. We weren't rubbing on each other or anything, I promise you." I pleaded. "Plus, Heather set me up."

He turned and stared at me with confusion. "That's your excuse...Heather set you up."

"She did." I said with anger. “Plus, Tamara says-

"I don’t wanna hear about Tamara!” He snapped. “Take some fucking responsibility for your actions!"

I looked at him wide eyed then turned away. "I came back after speaking with Jess knowing that I'm wrong and I'm trying to apologize and you're just being mean about it."

"Because I expect better from you!" He argues. “You’re not Tamara!”

"Alright!” I argued back. “I do make mistakes and I’m working on myself!"

He breaths out. "I just...I guess I was shocked because I trust you when it comes to guys. I never thought that you would really dance someone else."

"Well I have in the past. Jon?" I chuckled lightly.

"Oh yeah that." He chuckled. "I don't blame you for that. We weren't together, so I should say sorry for that. In my twisted mind I felt like you belonged to me." He put his hand under my chin and turned my head to face him. "I still feel that way." He whispered.

"You belong to me too." I whispered.

"I'll let it go this time." He bent down in front of me. "Mani, you said you didn't want me to disgrace you ever again and I promised that I wouldn't. Please don't disgrace me either. Especially if I have to be kept a secret." He spoke firmly.

"I won't Nik, I promise."

"You better not." He raised his brows. "You ready to leave?"

"Yes."

Mani's house...

We pulled up into my driveway. He turned off his bike, but we stayed seated on it.

"Hey Mani." He called to me.

"Yes."

"You really looked like shit after that climb." He burst out laughing.

I laughed along with him. I bent down and grabbed the water bottle from his compartment and opened it up.

"Hey Nik." I took a huge gulp.

"Yup." He turned.

I spit the water from my mouth on his face then hopped of the bike quickly lifting the bike stand.

"Fuck Mani!" He yelled as the bike toppled over to the side. "You're gonna get it now!"

I made a run towards the door laughing hysterically. I pulled my keys out unlocking it and busted through the door. I giggled and snorted as I ran on my tip toes towards my bedroom hearing his heavy footsteps behind me. I bust open my bedroom door turning around...

"Ahhhh!" I screamed as Nikki charged tackling me onto my bed.

Smash!

"Ahh my bed!" I yelled.

"Oh shit!" He laughed.

As my bed broke and fell onto the ground. We both kept laughing and rolling around on the bed.

"Oh Nikki...my bed." I tried to sound serious but could not stop giggling.

"That was your ass that broke the bed." He snickered.

"Excuse me." I furrowed my brows trying to sit up. "That was you." I point in his face. "Have you seen the size of your thighs."

"Oh...that was harsh." He chuckled. "Now I'm really pissed!" He raised his voice.

I yelped and giggled as he picked me up throwing me over his shoulder and started walking. He opened the spare bedroom door and spun me around a bit. I laughed as he threw me onto the bed. He kicked off his boots then took his shirt off and pulled down his pants. He then pulled my dress down leaving me in my bra and panties.

"You're all mine." He growled as he firmly grabbed and squeezed both my breast in his hands leaning in and kissing my lips.

"Mmmm, I am." I moaned on his lips.

He pulled away and took off my sandals then pulled my panties down. I took off my bra and threw it in his face making him laugh.

"Get on your hands and knees and we'll finish what we started from last night." He pulled his boxers down revealing his hard cock.

I turned on my hands and knees and looked back at him smiling. He groaned as I started swaying my hips. He put the tip of his cock in me and slowly moved it against my pussy.

"Mmmm Nikki." I moaned.

"Yeah princess." He whispered.

"Do I smell like sweat?" I chuckled.

"Babe tonight we're fucking... and don't say you don't like that word. Tonight, we're doing it dirty." He groaned moving the tip of his cock in and out.

"Condom." I moaned then bit my lip.

"Come on babe I wanna feel you raw." He whines.

"Nikki put on a condom or no boning!" I threatened.

He grumbled and moved away then grabbed his pants pulling a condom out. He ripped it off with his teeth then put it on and without any warning he grabbed onto my hips and shoved his cock into me.

"Uuuuh Nikki!" I moaned out.

"Mmm that's right baby, call your man’s name." He breathed out.

He thrusted harder and harder making me grab onto my sheets and scream his name louder. He then moved one of his hands and grabbed onto my braids.

"Boy you best stop pulling on my braids it took me three hours to get it done." I breathlessly moaned.

"Shit, Jesus that's long." He groaned as he continued to thrust in and out.

"Yeah you'll be meeting him if a braid falls out." I breathlessly joked.

SPANK

"Ow Sixx!" I whine and laugh as he spanked my ass.

God, I love this man.

#Nikki Sixx #Tommy Lee #Mick Mars #Vince Neil #Chanel Iman #MOtley Crue #The Dirt #1980s #1990s #Model #Motley Crue Fandom #Glam Metal #rock n roll #Nikki #The Dirt Fandom #Slash #fanfiction #Rock #Crue

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bindmywanderingheart2thee · 5 years ago

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As a follower of Jesus, I believe that one day I will see my loved ones in heaven again. As comforting as that is, after you lose someone you love, heaven can seem pretty far away.

I grew up very close to my father's parents. We were in at their house in town multiple times a week growing up. We spent every holiday and birthday together. We took trips to Florida, we went to our trailers up north with my uncle and cousins. While visiting in the summertime, my parents and uncle would sit and talk on the porch while my sisters, cousins, and I would fight over the big wheel, stuff our faces with cookies, and let the dog out of its pen (without asking grandma first.) Which drove her crazy. When the ice cream man came by, grandpa was right there with his wallet open. Grandma and grandpa's house has just always been there, a place of serenity and laughter, a place I looked forward to staying the night at when my parents went out of town. We would sleep on the living room floor in our sleeping bags and listen to the grandfather clock chime throughout the night. We loved it. We cherished it.

At their house, there was no need to call, just stop by anytime. It was a guarantee that you'd hear "Get yourself a cookie, there's pop in the fridge!", upon arrival. No one ever went hungry at grandma's house. Feeding us was one of the many ways she showed love.

I moved in with my grandparents in my 20's, I was rebellious at home, so grandma took me in. I know I drove her crazy, but she put up with me anyway. I lived with them for about five years. I attended cosmetology school while living there. I was able to devote myself to it full time, since they didn't charge me a dime to live there. I could never repay that, but I tried by doing Grandma's hair for free ever since. Neither of them ever made you feel like you were an inconvenience and they went above and beyond for their family.

I was very blessed to have had those five years living with them. Unbeknownst to me, my grandpa would pass away during that time.

He was an amazing man. Known around town for being honest and loyal. He was a hard worker and once he finally retired, he was so used to working, he kept working anyway. He was up at the crack of dawn every morning. Occasionally, if I made an early morning trip to the bathroom, I would see him sitting at the dining room table, reading his bible. He did that every morning. He loved his family and the Lord with all his heart.

When grandpa passed away, I just felt lost without him around. It was like he was there one minute and then the next he was gone. It was awful. I still remember how empty the house felt after he was gone and the sound of grandma crying herself to sleep. It still hurts to think about it.

It's been 15 years, and I still miss him every day.

Now, As of Wednesday morning, my Grandma has passed on as well.

Words cannot express how much it hurts that I won't be seeing her anymore. She has always been there. Always. She was a huge part of my life. What am I supposed to do now? I don't think it's fully sunken in yet. I'm just in disbelief. I don't want to believe it because I don't want it to be true.

I'm very blessed and grateful to have had a grandmother around for close to forty years, but I wasn't ready to live life without her. I don't want to. My world without her in it just doesn't make sense.

I worked late Tuesday night. It was after 9 when I left work and I was tired, but I decided to go see my grandma anyway. She wasn't doing well and I didn't want to miss my chance to see her one more time. Earlier that day, she had slipped into a non communicative state and had the "death rattle" when she breathed. My dad and uncle had been there all day and were exhausted. So, when the nurses told them they would call if she was showing signs of passing, they went home.

I showed up a little while after they left. I know it was hard for them to leave, but these men sat by her side every day, all day, for months. They believed the nurse when she told them it would be ok to get some rest.

I was grateful for the privacy I had with her. There were so many things I wanted to say. I sat down next to grandma and told her all the wonderful things I loved and would miss about her. I thanked her for loving me. I told her I knew she was the one whom I got my determination and strong will from.

Storm has it, too, I said.

I sang her songs she liked and read her some scripture verses. I held her hand, which I had been told were cold earlier that day, but were now warm. I told her to walk into Jesus's arms, and she would feel no more pain. I told her to go be with grandpa, and know that we will honor her memory every day and carry on her traditions. I told her I'll make sure Storm remembers her. I gently ran my fingers through her hair. I promised her that I would make sure her bangs were exactly as she liked them, and that she would be dressed in her lavender outfit as she requested. I told her I didn't know how I was gonna go on without her. She's always been there. I prayed over her and asked God to take her home peacefully. I kissed her on the cheek and laid my head on her shoulder.

I wept.

"How am I going to adjust to life without you?" I asked knowing there would be no reply.

I kissed her one last time on the forehead and told her I didn't wanna leave her because I didn't want her to pass on alone. I stood there, looking at her and debating if I should leave or not. I felt at peace from my time with her, so after a few minutes, I told her I loved her one last time and left.

She was gone a couple hours later. Thankfully, a nurse was with her when she let go. I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for that last visit with her. It wasn't easy on my dad and uncle that they weren't there with her, but I think in some way, that's how she wanted it. We all went back up to say our final goodbyes and sat in her room, crying, laughing, recounting our favorite memories of her. We were all there because of her. She was so important to each of us. We each could talk for hours about how amazing she was.

It all still feels like a bad dream. I didn't think I could cry anymore than I already have, but I was wrong. This is uncharted territory for me. I have no grandparents left. This wasn't supposed to happen. I don't even know how I'm gonna walk into her house without losing it. My grandpa and her lived there for over 50 years. My dad and uncle were raised there, it was my home for five years. My sisters, cousins and I grew up playing in the front yard. We were woven into the very fabric the house was made of. The thought of someone else living there makes my heart ache.

I'm grateful she is no longer in pain, but yet I feel this anger in the pit of my stomach that she's gone. It isn't fair.

What am I to do without you, Grandma? I don't want to move forward without you, but I have no choice. I know I'll see you again in heaven one day, but it's of little comfort right now when all I want is to talk to you one more time. Hear your stories one more time. Celebrate your upcoming birthday with you. Spend one more day at your house with you. Spend one more Christmas with you.

I feel regret that I didn't spend more time with her, but a dear friend recently told me that, "no matter how much time you spent with her, you'd still feel like it wasn't enough."

How true those words are.

My grandma was a strong, selfless and determined woman. She fought hard to the end and never gave up. I have no doubt she is with Grandpa in heaven. She is no longer in pain, she is at peace in the presence of God. I am beyond grateful for the hope we have in Jesus. Without it, I know I couldn't find a way to adjust to life without her.

Who knows if I ever will.

What I do know, is that I am one very blessed girl for the time I did have with both of them, and love is stronger than death, pain, and loss. So, I cling to the family still surrounding me, and to the One true living God who created love, who IS love, until I see them again.

I love you, Grandma 💜💔💜

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khelinski · 3 years ago

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In honor of Taylor Hawkins, I am sharing a short story I wrote titled ‘Dreaming,’ and an excerpt to the \m/ novel.

Trigger warning: both deal with some heavy life stuff (and no, that wasn’t meant as a pun).

I wrote \m/ between 2013 and 2014. The section I am sharing was a difficult one to write. I drew from personal experience of things I’ve witnessed.

‘Dreaming’ was written right after my divorce hearing in 2015. It’s a direct connection to the excerpt. I also drew from personal experience of things I’ve unfortunately seen.

Although I am not in a band, I suspect every single band (big or small) goes through a similar ordeal to what I’ve wrote - especially when they are on tour.

***

Dreaming

An \m/ story.

“Are you okay?" Mike asks me. I didn't know how to answer that. I'm feeling great and shitty. On the surface, I am very happy. But down below where the true Andrew Carter resides, I am miserable. Instead of responding, I raise my hand in the air and give him the \m/ salute. He nods and walks toward the beach with the rest of the Outsider's Vengeance (accompanying with Sara Williams).

Sara Williams! Wow! I couldn't bear the idea of playing drums in the same neck of the woods Sara lives, and not include her. She was in the band playing bass when we were just Outsiders all those years ago. She has been a precious friend ever since. I love her band, Riding the Tide. So before going into this gig, I just had to call her and ask if she could meet up with us when we arrived. It was nothing short of awesome!

I walk back to my hotel room. I will admit, I am drunk. I had a lot of drinks at the Hard Rock Park. What can I say; the park offered it for free. I hadn’t been much of a drinker until this past year. I concealed my drinking pretty good, up until today. The band had never seen me drunk. I can tell they were concerned tonight, but it never affected my playing. It never had. I could down a gallon of Captain Morgan - still be able to play drums effectively. I've done it before, without the band knowing. It is better that they didn't know.

The band also doesn't know about my addiction. I've been good at concealing that too.

I get inside my room and lay on my bed for a couple of minutes, staring at the white-painted ceiling. Can't tell you how many hotel/motel rooms I've stayed at while touring. And after a while, it all looks the same. The same damn white ceiling staring down at me - mocking me - telling me I am shit. Fuck that ceiling. I flick my middle finger at the ceiling.

I get up from the bed and walk toward my gear. I kneel on the ground where my backpack is and unzip the small pouch attached to the bag. I get out my MP3 player with headphones and a bottle of Mucinex DM pills. I then get up and walk toward the fridge, getting out a fifth of Captain Morgan I had placed in the freezer. I head toward the bathroom. I close the bathroom door. I step a few feet toward the shower, turning on the water to hot. I pull the shower curtain all the way closed. I then sit on the toilet seat, breathing in the hot, steaming air. I put the bottle of pills and rum on the floor for a second. I then turn on my MP3 player, placing the headphones on my head. I skim through my vast collection of songs, and select two: Black Sabbath's "Solitude" off the Master of Reality album, and a song I had written lyrics to almost a lifetime ago when the Outsider's Vengeance was just Outsiders - "Dreaming," off our Long Play album. Both songs reflect how I feel.

I then grab the bottle of Captain Morgan, twisting the top off, taking a big gulp full. Drinking it straight used to bother the shit out of me. Now, it doesn't. I guess I've become immune to it.

I grab the bottle of pills on the floor, popping the top off. I take a handful (15) and start swallowing them with the rum. I find taking these pills with liquor drowns out the sour chalky medicine taste of the pills. It also increases the intensity of the buzz I am about to have. So does the hot steaming water from the shower.

That's my addiction: cough pills. I can take anywhere from 5 to 80 in one sitting. No one knows about it. All the time I would go to a pharmacy while touring the country - I would pick up a few bottles of pills. Some were off-brand. I had a weird collection of all the bottles I kept back in high school, which I had in a dresser drawer. I once counted a hundred bottles - filling two drawers worth. Now, I only keep a few empty bottles in my gear. Sometimes when I can't get high (the band would have a gig a few nights in a row), I would open an empty bottle when no one is around, and take a whiff of the smell. It's not a pleasant odor, but it gives me a sweet little taste of a fix.

I've kept it a secret long before Mike Cook introduced himself to me and asked if I was interested in forming a band with him. It started little after my mom died. And today happens to be the anniversary of her death.

I take another handful of pills (30 this time) and swallow them - one by one. I can feel the buzz starting to take effect. It makes me think of my mom and my sister. They both died too young. Maybe it's the hot steam from the hot water or the song I am listening to, "Dreaming;" I can see myself floating away from this bathroom, from this hotel room with the shitty white ceiling mocking me – and drift to a time and place where my sister and mom were/are/is alive. Past, present, and future come colliding inside my imagination. That's why I like taking these pills - it enhances my world to greater possibilities, where I can see my mom and sister.

My sister had been raped and killed years ago when my family lived in Chicago. My mom never recovered from my sister’s tragedy and escaped in alcohol. Her liver couldn't deal with the intake of drinking, so she died. The pills give me a way to see/hear/feel them.

I hear a knocking from outside the bathroom door. Is my mom here? Is that my sister? I start to talk, but words can't exit my mouth. Sometimes, the pills can affect my vocal cords. I can think, but I can't speak. It's a good thing I am by myself. But I keep wondering if my mom is here with me right now. I can hear her voice in my head. She has a concerned tone in her voice. She keeps telling me to get up, get up, get up.

I try to get up, but I have no feeling in my legs, and I stumble real hard on the ground.

THUMP!

The pills sometimes affect the muscles in my body. But not my brain - I can still think, I think. And I think hard to get up. I use the toilet to pull my weight up. I balance myself, and slowly but surely, get up. I grab hold of the wall to keep my balance and reach over to the shower to turn off the water. I successfully turn it off, but as a result, I fall down again.

THUMP!

I can feel blood on my forehead. I look to see if there is blood on the floor. No. Good. Okay. I then take my right hand and touch my forehead. I can feel some blood, but it doesn't appear to be gushing. I think the next step is to look at myself in the mirror.

I attempt to get up, again. I balance myself again as I rise up, using the toilet, again. Once I stand, I baby step myself to the mirror. If another person saw me, they'd probably think I walk like Frankenstein's Monster. In my mind, though, I feel normal.

I grab hold of the bathroom counter in case I stumble again, and take my hand, brushing the steam off the mirror. My eyes are enlarged. I've seen myself high plenty of times in the mirror, and know this is normal. I look over my bruised head. Doesn't appear to be too injured. Just a little bit of a cut with some oozing blood coming out of it. Okay. I am still alive. Great. Now what?

I then turn around and look beyond the closed door. I slowly walk back over to the toilet, grabbing the bottle of Captain Morgan and pill bottle. I turn around and open the door. Everything is moving so fast while I am moving so slow. I look over the distance I have to travel to the bed. “FUCK,” I think to myself.

I walk to the bed, only meeting the floor three times

(THUMP!, THUMP!, THUMP!)

during my journey. The engine that could keep firing up, making sure I reach the bed. Once I get to it, I fall straight onto the bed, bouncing off it and onto the floor.

THUMP! and OUCH!

I had plenty of ouchies while being high and this is the most painful. I try to get up and fail. I am stuck on the ground. I can't seem to have proper footing or balance. I am still holding the pill bottle and liquor in one hand. I am still holding my MP3 player in my other hand. The two songs looped (currently, Sabbath's "Solitude" could be heard) are still playing. I can't tell you how many times I am trying to get up. If a person saw me right now, I'd probably look like I am doing failed-attempts at pushups. To me, this is just a normal routine of my buzz.

After a while, I just lie there. The high usually wears off after a few hours. I wait. And wait. And. Wait. Finally, after staring up at the shitty plain mocking asshole white-painted ceiling - I get up, using the bed to hoist me. Success! I then reverse myself and plot my ass down. Success! "Dreaming" can be heard. Hearing the song gets me thinking of my mom again. I want to see her. She was here; briefly, I think. I need to see her, tell her I miss her.

I get the remaining pills out of the bottle (15) and swallow them down with remaining rum. I throw the empty liquor bottle in the trash next to the bed. I then place the empty pill bottle on the dresser. I am sure I'll clean it up in the morning.

I almost forget who I am. I am Andrew Carter, drummer of the Outsider's Vengeance. I almost forget I am in a band. I almost forget that I wrote "Dreaming," by a band name Outsiders. Oh wait, I think I am in Outsiders. No, wait. I am in Outsider's Vengeance. The name got changed for legal reasons. Yeah. These pills sometimes scramble my brain. I don't know who I am - or what I am - or why I am - or...

I don't bother getting up. Instead, I reverse my body and lie flat on my stomach on the bed. Sabbath's "Solitude" could be heard. The lyrics speak to me. The first thing Ozzy sings in the song - "My Name, It Means..."...nothing. I feel nothing. Not trying to sound Kurt Cobain-y. But I feel nothing...nothing without my mom. She felt nothing after my sister got killed. I felt nothing when my mom died. Nothing. Even being a drummer in a kick-ass rock band, I feel nothing.

The pills start taking effect, again. I begin to feel the buzz, again. I try to get up, but I am glued to this comfy bed. Besides, I don't think I can look at the taunting ceiling again. I bet if I take my headphones off, the ceiling will laugh at my existence. Because I am nothing. Nothing. The bed starts to rotate. That's weird. That's new.

I look over to my right, and I see my mom and sister - at an Outsider's Vengeance show. "OUTSIDER'S VENGEANCE," they scream at the top of their lungs. Mike is flipping his guitar in the air to "Smoke on the Water." Always give me chills when he does that trick. I am beating the shit out of my drugs. I meant my drums.

I look over to my left, and I see my mom's and sister's casket. Next to it is mine. “What the fuck,” I say to myself. Myself. Nothing. I. Feel. Nothing.

The bed continues to spin. I could hear a new song by Outsider's Vengeance - a song without me. The song is called "...and the beat goes on." The bed spins and spins...and finally, it stops. "Dreaming" can be heard, but I feel nothi...

K.H.; October 6, 2015.

***

\m/

Excerpt from the novel.

Our next gig was something all of us were excited for: the grand opening of Hard Rock Park in South Carolina, which resided comfortably along the shore of Myrtle Beach. We had an invitation to help open the theme park with The Moody Blues and The Eagles. It was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up! Plus, Andrew was eager to do the gig; he insisted he had a surprise for us.

Once we got there to the beautiful coastline area near the park, we were greeted by our old friend Sara Williams—Andrew’s surprise, I suspect.

“Dude, I love this fucking bus. Much nicer than that piece of a shit Rock ’Till You Drop offers me when I go on tours,” she said to us with a big smile on her face. Kelly and I instantly gave her a hug. Tim extended his hand to give her a formal handshake, but instead, Sara lifted her arms toward Tim and gave him a hug.

“Dude, we are family.” Tim nodded his head, content with Sara’s sentiment. After the shock of seeing Sara again, both Andrew and Sara explained to us that after the backlash with Chris and Detroit Rock City (not to mention the “Goodbye” fuck-up), Andrew and Sara had kept in touch the whole time. They both swapped CDs, sharing the success of each other’s band. We got to our hotel near the theme park and were settled in our rooms. Hard Rock Park treated us to separate rooms, which was nice since we had to share rooms with most of the gigs we played.

We then spent the rest of the evening chilling with Sara. She showed us around the area, pointing at all the childhood hangout spots of hers. It was almost like everything had come full circle for us.

With the good vibe we all shared, Andrew suggested for Sara to play the encore with us in the Hard Rock Park show. Sara glanced at all of us (we all nodded a FUCK YEAH), then said to Tim:

“Only if you are okay with it?” Tim smiled and said, “Dude, let’s fucking do it!” Our set list stayed the same. It was the encore that got altered. We ended up playing a medley of Led Zeppelin songs (“Dazed and Confused,” “Achilles Last Stand,” and “Rock and Roll,” which is an overplayed song that was a lot more fun to play than to listen to).

Before the gig, we got to walk around the park. There was so much potential with what they had going in the park. It was a shame Hard Rock Park closed down only a couple of years later. We had so much fun exploring. We all especially got a kick out of the Nights in White Satin attraction! Accordingly to Andrew, it was worth experiencing with a good buzz! He had been drinking excessively that day. I had never seen him let loose before. I was a little concerned with the amount of liquor he was ingesting, plus given the fact that his mom lost her life to the bottle, but he reassured all of us that he was having fun.

The show itself was fucking amazing! I wore my faded Van Halen summer 2004 tour shirt and felt like a rock god. It was the audience that gave me the boost, chanting our name over and over. It was the biggest crowd we had ever played for. Once Sara Williams got onstage with us during the encore, the crowd’s noise level overpowered our music.

After the gig (and as the park was closing) the road crew from The Eagles went out of their way to come to see us backstage and honor us with praise for our performance, comparing us to Shinedown. Funny how everyone would compare us to another band, based on our latest album or tour. We thanked them nonetheless. Then I started to chat with Joe Walsh’s guitar tech. Cool ass dude!

Soon after, we all walked outside the theme park, uncertain whether we should call it a night or unwind somewhere. Sara suggested for us to chill on the beach with acoustic guitars. It was such a beautiful sight, too. I could hear the waves making all kinds of love to the water. Everyone was for Sara’s idea except Andrew. He wanted to go to his hotel room and sleep off his buzz. He was also drinking during the gig, which alarmed us all, but he played fine with each beat cue. I asked him if he was okay. He extended his arm in the air and gave me the \m/ sign with his hand. He then walked to the hotel. Looking back, I wish I had followed him that night. Instead, I chilled on the beach with the band and Sara, drinking wine coolers and screwing around on acoustic guitars. We were playing a mixture of Outsider’s Vengeance, Sara’s Riding the Tide material, and cover tunes that came out of our asses.

The soundtrack of the water brushing against the tide gave the moment a Wastin’ Away vibe. That vibe was shared by us all. We were happy, hovering on cloud nine, which was about to take a ninety-degree drop down to reality.

The next day at around noon, we all were packing up Midnight Rider. Exhaustion from the show and the after-party, in which we stayed up until four in the morning (rock ’n’ roll, baby!) was present on all our faces. Well, not all of us. I noticed one of us was missing. Andrew. He was never late. In fact, I don’t ever recall him sleeping in. He wasn’t the type. He was an early riser type. Then again, he drank pretty hard the night before. Maybe he even hooked up with someone.

I decided to walk to his hotel room and see what was up. Sara tagged along (milking all the time she had with us as much as she could). We got up to his hotel room. It was closed with a DO NOT DISTURB sign. I knocked on his door. No response. I knocked harder while saying his name. Still, nothing. Odd.

I went to get an extra keycard from the check-in desk. A hotel room attendant walked with me to Andrew’s room, slid the keycard into the slot above the door handle, and opened the door. We slowly walked into the room and spotted Andrew sprawled out motionless on the bed. I walked toward him and tried to shake him. He was lying on his back, with headphones in his ears, and attached to his MP3 player. I took the headphones out of his ears and noticed how cold he was. I then backed away a few feet. Sara ran toward him and tried to get his attention. Andrew didn’t budge. I eyeballed an empty bottle of Mucus Relief DM on the dresser next to his bed. The bottle’s lid was right next to the bottle.

Unsure how many pills he took. The whole bottle for all I knew. The music from his MP3 player was blasting at full volume. I analyzed it. Andrew had two songs looped, one after another. Black Sabbath’s “Solitude” and “Dreaming” from our forgotten Long Play album. I turned off his MP3 player and noticed the sounds of the beach waves from his hotel window, making the scene surreal. All the while, Sara was kneeling on Andrew’s bed, trying to wake him up, and I was baffled by what was going on. The hotel attendant called for an ambulance.

Paramedics barged through the room with their equipment and a stretcher to examine Andrew, pushing Sara out of the way. She got up and walked toward me, reaching over to hold my hand. I held hers tight. After what seemed like an hour (but was only just a few minutes), the paramedics declared Andrew dead at the scene. It was pretty damn evident the cause, with the empty pill bottle and Andrew’s liquor intake the night before. His death was such a fucking cliché.

I felt angry.

I felt sadness.

I felt...

...I couldn’t take it much longer. I walked out of the room and into the hallway.

By then, the rest of the band came rushing toward me, asking what was up with the holdup.

Holdup.

I almost forgot about the band, the tour, everything. The scene just a few feet away erased all my memories of who I was. Sara ran out of the room soon after I did and toward the bathroom across the hall. Everyone paid attention to Sara and then looked back at me with WTF expressions on their faces. I wished I could talk, say something to them, acknowledge the dramatic turn of events, but I just couldn’t. I just stared at them with a blank stare. I then had the image of Andrew’s drum kit, abandoned on stage at a random gig somewhere. Tears started coming down my face. It didn’t end with just tears. It was a whole breakdown. I fucking lost it, falling to my knees and crying loudly. Tim and Kelly knelt down with me, asking me what was wrong, asking why Sara ran into the bathroom and asking me where Andrew was.

Andrew.

They got their answer as the paramedics rolled Andrew’s covered body on the gurney from his hotel room, down the hallway, and toward the lobby. Tim and Kelly stared at Andrew’s body as he went by. Neither of them said a word. But I think we all shared the same thoughts:

We lost our drummer, our friend, and our brother.

We lost Andrew Carter.

K.H.; March 27, 2013 – August 25, 2014.

#\m/#dreaming #addiction #taylor hawkins #black clouds & silver linings

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erijonarexhepis-blog · 3 years ago

Text

WE’RE NOT FRIENDS

SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIVE ////// PART THREE

Part one, Part two

After her shift at the bar, April went back home and did her homework. The night ended with an empty whiskey bottle and the next morning started with a hangover. Although April did take aspirin, it only took half of the pain away— she has a major headache.

Now she's sitting in the courtroom— next to Laurel— and she's rubbing her forehead. Oh, how she hates hangovers.

Before April arrived at the courthouse, she got a phone call from Detective Nate Lahey, who told her that Sheri's case had been closed. April contacted Nate because it didn't seem like the police were trying to find the killer, and she was right.

"We received an anonymous tip that someone informed the jury as to how nullification works," Ms. Barker says. "Clearly, it was a member of the defense team."

"Based on what evidence, your honor?"

"We all know who benefits from this act."

"Again, where's the evidence?"

"Stop," the judge advises. "Bring in the jury."

The jury has been brought in. "Has anyone spoken with or contacted any of you about this case in any way, including a discussion of the concept of jury nullification? Lying is a criminal act for which I can hold you in contempt."

"It was me, your honor." A woman stands up. "I found information that we have the legal right to vote our hearts. I shared it with the rest of the jury."

"In the case k7439080, I have no choice but to declare a mistrial. Jury is discharged."

"Well, it seems we've done irreparable harm to the public opinion of Ryan," Annalise states. "Due to the abuse defense, the D.A. no longer thinks he's a sociopath. Therefore, they've bumped the charge to juvenile court. You're looking at probation, community service, and counseling."

Ryan and Sharon are both relieved by the news. She turns to her son. "Did you hear that?" Her voice cracks. "You're gonna be okay." Sharon hugs her son.

"I mean, is this happening?" Ryan smiles, clearly surprised by the news.

"It's happening," Frank confirms. Sharon and Ryan thank Annalise. April turns and catches Asher crying.

"Oh, my god. Are you crying?" Michaela asks.

"No." Asher sniffles. "Allergies." He grimaces at Connor, who was staring at him.

///

"What are you doing here?" April asks once she opens the door. It's late, and Rebecca is standing in front of her. She looks distraught.

Rebecca enters the apartment. "I can't trust Annalise." April closes the door.

"What happened?" She's confused. Did Annalise do something? Rebecca is pacing back and forth. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Rebecca stops in her tracks and turns to April. "I don't know if I can trust you."

"I'm not the right person to talk about trust."

"Right. Because you have major trust issues."

April nods. "I do." Rebecca exhales and sits on the couch. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Rebecca pauses. "Well, you still owe me pizza and beer."

As much as April wants to say no, she doesn't. Instead, she nods. "Pepperoni?"

"Yes. Do you have any beer?" She stands.

"In the fridge." Rebecca goes to get the beer, and April grabs her phone.

"What's with the chocolate?" April turns and sees the chocolate wrappers on the kitchen counter, which Rebecca is leaning on.

"I'm menstruating," April answers blankly, thinking it's not a big deal— but Rebecca is taken aback by it. "Hi," she speaks into the phone, "I'd like to order two pepperoni pizzas... no, I'll pick them up... no soda.. alright. Bye." She hangs up.

"I'll pick them up?" Rebecca repeats, confused.

"I don't want strangers to know where I live." April shrugs, not thinking much of it. That's just her normal.

Rebecca nods slowly. "And they say I'm paranoid. And you have no filter; you know that, right?"

April frowns. "I don't know what that means."

Rebecca grins slightly. "I know you don't."

April returns to her apartment building with the pizzas. Once she unlocks the door and enters, she is confused when she sees that the lights are off.

She places the pizzas on the table next to the door, which she closes. Slowly, she walks further into the apartment but stops when she hears footsteps behind her.

Someone grabs her arm, and her instincts kick in; she flips the stranger to the floor and puts her pocketknife against their throat. "Wow, chill out, it's just me."

"Rebecca?" April lets her go and turns the lights on. And she's more confused than ever. "What's going on?"

"I didn't know you could fight."

April has a blank look on her face. "Why were the lights off?"

"I thought I heard someone, so I turned them off. It's easier to hide in the dark."

"You heard someone? Someone is in here?"

Rebecca shakes her head. "I don't think so. It's just my brain tricking me."

April is doubtful but nods. "Alright. Let's eat." She grabs the pizzas.

"You're middle name is Virginia... because you were born in Virginia? I think your parents hated you," Rebecca says, with pizza in her mouth. "Wait... is your birthday in April?"

April pauses. "Yes."

Rebecca chuckles. "Be happy you weren't born in October then."

"That would have been awful."

"That would be child abuse." Rebecca keeps laughing.

April chuckles. "I wouldn't take it that far."

The laughter dies down. "Do you believe me? You know, when I say that I didn't kill Lila?"

April nods. "Yes. I do."

"Why?"

"You're not a killer. It takes one to know one."

"So, you have a gaydar, but for serial killers."

April frowns. "I don't know what that is."

"If you meet someone... are you able to tell if they have killed someone?"

April shakes her head. "I get this nauseating feeling in my solar plexus, and their behavior either confirms or denies my suspicion."

"Yeah. I didn't get any of that. Have you met Annalise's husband?"

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"No reason. Thanks for the pizza and beer, but I have to go now. It's getting very late." She stands. "And thanks for not killing me."

"Sorry about that." April walks her to the door.

"It's fine."

"You know I'm not on your case anymore, right?"

"I could talk to Annalise about that."

April is a little surprised. "You want me on your case? I thought you didn't trust me."

"You're the smartest student in that class. I think you might have a chance to save me."

"I appreciate that." Rebecca nods before she opens the door. "Good night."

"Night." Rebecca leaves.

///

#wesgibbins #ashermillstone #annalisekeating #Demisexual #femalelead #femoc #femlead #familydrama #frankdelfino #howtogetawaywithmurder #htgawm #laurelcastillo #coliver #connorwalsh #violadavis #bisexual #murder #murdermystery #michaelapratt

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