#he does seem to be like... fine as psychiatrists go

[obstinatecondolement]

I saw my psychiatrist on Wednesday and he seemed pretty embarrassed when I was like "And also the Victorians were right and that womb do be wandering" for about ten minutes discussing the issues I've been having with PMDD-like symptoms among other gynaecological Unpleasantness that have contributed to my overall emotional ~dysregulation, but also like... listen, buddy, I also do not want to be talking to you about this, but unfortunately the fucking thing is strangling my brain for half the month, and my brain is your department.

[yay-depression]

every day i set expectations and every day i’m reminded why i told myself not to do that

[centaurianthropology]

One thing that I think a lot of Disco Elysium meta misses (likely because a lot of it is very clearly written by young Americans writing from an intensely American-centric cultural perspective without even really realizing it) is that one of the singular and central themes of the game is massive-scale generational trauma in a home that is economically collapsing as its resources and people are being drained by an occupation.  People have noted that no one tries to help Harry, despite the fact his mental illness is incredibly obvious to everyone around him.  He tells Kim that he completely lost his memory, and Kim politely asks him to focus on the work.  He tells Gottlieb that he had a heart attack, and Gottlieb tells him that if he’s still alive it couldn’t have been that bad.  That he’ll drop dead sooner or later, but then so does everyone.

And that’s the most important thing: so does everyone.  Look at Martinaise.  Look at the world in which Harry lives.  It is not our own, but it is adjacent to ours.  More specifically, it is clearly adjacent to the states of the Eastern Bloc: overtaken and occupied by a faraway government that clearly doesn’t care about Revachol or its people.  And that is obvious in every tired face, every defeated citizen, everyone trying to eke out a little happiness or meaning in spite of the overwhelming trauma and damage around them.  The buildings are still half-destroyed.  The bullet holes are still in the walls.  The revolution was decades before, but it still feels to the people there like a fresh wound.  The number of men of Harry’s generation who are not alcoholic or otherwise deeply fucked up are very few.  Some, like Kim, hide it better, but the deeper you dig into his history, the more you realize how damaged Kim is.  He’s more than a little trigger happy, and hates that about himself, but he is a product of his environment: Kim’s entire life is seeing people he cared about shot and killed, so his instinct now is to shoot first himself, to protect those few people left who still matter to him.

Harry is not unique in his trauma.  He is a distillation of an entire culture of people who tried to rise up and make something beautiful, and were instead routed and occupied.  He is trapped between the occupation and the people on the ground, along with all the rest of the RCM.  Their authority comes from the occupying government, but it is implied that they were formed out of the remnants of the citizens militia which sprung up from Revachol itself as a way to try to mitigate some of the horrors being committed on its streets.  The Moralintern sure as hell wasn’t going to get their hands dirty, so they happily conscripted (and therefore could better control) this group, who are only recognized in certain places, and whose authority mostly amounts to giving out fines.  The RCM is corrupt, but it is corrupt in the same way its culture is.  Bribes are considered standard with them, not a moral failing, but a necessity, so long as those bribes are correctly logged as ‘donations’.  It’s how the RCM stays afloat, and the rest of Revachol completely understands that.  Everyone would take a bribe if it meant they kept eating.  Everyone would take a little under-the-table money if it meant keeping a roof over their heads.  The officersof the RCM certainly don’t make enough to see a doctor.  They have an in-house lazarus, and if he can’t fix them they just die.  Mental health care?  What mental health care?  Harry doesn’t get it for the same reason no one else does: it doesn’t really seem to exist.  There are no counselors, no psychologists, no psychiatrists.  How would they even start?  If the world is what is broken, if everyone is suffering a similar catastrophic amount, it makes sense that Harry’s trauma would simply get rolled up with all the rest.  Kim asks him to get on with the job because Harry’s suffering is not remarkable in Revachol.  He is one of an entire generation who have an astronomical number of orphans from the revolution, and so many younger people are left more or less orphans as their parents drink themselves into oblivion like Cuno’s father.  So Harry’s truly unique attribute is embodying all that trauma, having it all inside of him, filling him to bursting.

To really engage with the themes of the game, engaging first and foremost with the reality of Revachol is imperative.  Imposing our own reality onto Revachol, particularly if coming from an American perspective (which tend to have the habit of both viewing the world through an American lens and not realizing they’re doing it because they’ve never experienced a different lens), will always feel shallow to me because of this.

All that is to say, I would love to hear some more explicitly European meta about this game, and especially Eastern European meta.  If anyone can point me to some good, juicy essays from that perspective, I would be grateful!

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

I just got out of my psychology class and I kept having thoughts about Leon and how his mind works. Here’s a psychoanalysis on Leon bc I truly do like how his brain works:

TW: mentions of mental illnesses, substances, substance abuse, suicide. (Guys- I am not a medical psychologist or a medical psychiatrist. This is strictly based on my psychology class, take this with a grain of salt.)

Leon suffers from Combat and Violence Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This type of PTSD (because there’s subcategories) is most often common in veterans and in men.

More often than not, one can tell when someone’s suffering PTSD (flat voice, substance abuse, inability to sleep, change in personality, etc.)

Leon in RE2/RE2R didn’t necessarily show signs of PTSD until after the events took place. Leon was too busy trying to survive that his brain shut off the emotions he was feeling “in the heat of the moment.” He was scared but it was his survival instinct that allowed him (or the player) to move forward. Hence why I think he also suffered from Depression and Acute Stress Disorder (ASD).

ASD is commonly found in patients with PTSD, ASD is kind of like the first stage after a traumatic event took place. PTSD victims often find themselves having frequent panic attacks. I think it would be safe to assume that Leon in RE2/RE2R had several panic attacks during or after Raccoon City. I don’t think he’d go to therapy/psychiatrist/psychologist because in RE4R he stated that he immediately got called to the White House after he survived RC. And this is where I think it got worse.

RE4 and RE4R both portray very distinct Leon characters. One is more “fine” than the other in short words. Leon in RE4og doesn’t necessarily show signs of having mental issues but maybe he’s just good at masking them. Leon in RE4og often finds himself being very witty or very lean back. He’s less serious but I think it’s a coping mechanism. Up to that point in his life, he’s been in very serious situations that I think this is his way of gaining some of that control he lost when the virus first started. His brain is fighting battles of being in control or letting others control him. In this case- the situation is controlling him. He wants to have that sense of individuality and most of the time this is a coping mechanism. To gain back some of the things he’s lost in the process.

In RE4R, however (and I’m going to be very bold with this one), we don’t know much about how he feels. He is flat and his demeanor is distant to an extent. I’ve noticed a few changes to him from when he first started the game to where the player made it halfway. In the beginning of the game (when he’s with the two Spanish cops) he’s similar to RE4og- sarcastic and a little unserious. Which can be guessed as his normal personality. He doesn’t really show how much he’s actually been through with those two strangers. He’s got better things to worry about- he neglects his own issues. When he tries to find Ashley and he sees the zombies again- his PTSD gets triggered and it makes him be able to pull the trigger (aside from the player lol) There are few types of reactions when PTSD gets triggered and I think Leon’s reaction is a bit depressing.

When Leon sees these zombies again, his brain automatically jumps back to the memories of Raccoon City and almost immediately finds himself back in his former self’s shoes. But he doesn’t have time to linger, he forces those thoughts away and keeps going. I don’t think he wants to have time to think about what just happened because he’s often trying to keep his brain occupied “sorry, must’ve slipped” or any other phrase he says makes me believe that he’s just trying to make himself laugh (because believe it or not, laughter really does help with mental issues) or he’s trying to make the situation seem lighter. Or maybe he’s in denial, his brain hasn’t processed that the same thing that happened in RC is happening all over again. And when you’re in denial, you are repressed. Sigmund Freud said that repression is when someone turns something (trauma, thoughts, events, feelings) away. They deliberately choose to cast their thoughts and feelings aside. Leon bottles his emotions, it’s his defense mechanism. He doesn’t smoke (as mentioned in the game) nor does he drink (there’s a Reddit post that perfectly summed it up for me) He knows substances aren’t good for you and the fact that he’s against them makes me believe that he has other ways of dealing with PTSD such as exercise. I’m not saying this just because Leon looks very built, I want to think that maybe half the reason he works out isn’t just for his job. I think it also because it helps him mentally.

Mobility, sleep, and nutrition are the most important things to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy.

I’ll get on to RE6 because in that game, he pulled a 180 imo. RE6 Leon is more empathetic. He cares about the people that could’ve survived. He suffers from survivor’s guilt. After RE4/RE4R, Leon probably became more aware of his struggles and has tried to deal with them. He’s become more human, he’s allowed himself to feel human. He’s still the same serious guy with the flat effect but he’s becoming more open about his thoughts and feelings. I think the game is trying to hint at us that MAYBE he’s getting better. (Guys this is a stretch okay. RE6 is lowkey messy)

Now on to the films (I’ve done the liberty of researching a ‘order’ of when these may have taken place and not by the release date order so you guys won’t get confused):

ID Leon: He’s very compassionate in this one. He has a sense of self righteousness but I know why. He wants to make up for the losses of the people he’s seen die. He wants to fight against the corporation and wants to end the spread (submarine scene when he talks about RC) He wants to make up for what he couldn’t save. (Hence why he didn’t give Claire the chip- he wanted to protect her because he cares for her)

Degeneration Leon: Protection can only go a long way. Leon is more… assertive in his objectives, if you will. He’s back in his RE4 days in other words (any of the two games tbh, this Leon is complex) Leon wants to keep fighting for his cause. Not only is he forced to be a soldier for the government but he also has found a drive. All his pent up PTSD and trauma has shifted into something else. If no one could’ve been the hero then HE’LL be the hero himself, does that make sense?

Damnation Leon: Haha Russia go brr (sorry) Again, he’s become more chill. When he’s with JD, he’s funny but still cautious (bc let’s be honest, JD could’ve still shot his ass) nothing much to comment, I think he’s been consistent since Degeneration.

Vendetta Leon: NOW WE GETTING JUICY. This man- this Leon is the epitome of what a relapse does to you. Leon is seen drinking away his problems. He’s relapsed back into the mentality where his brain is finally processing everything. He’s even tried to attempt suicide- that’s how bad he got. His PTSD, his ASD, depression (bc you can’t tell me he didn’t have depression) it all came back to him and it made him feel shitty. He lost his power over himself, he no longer feels useful. He feels empty and broken. That’s sh he drowns himself in his own sorrows. Because he’s learned that if you drink until you pass out, you don’t dream. He doesn’t sleep- no. He’d rather black out because when you’re in an unconscious state, you don’t dream at all. You’re simply just lying there on the floor with your eyes closed. And that’s the feeling Leon wants to feel. He wants to forget everything for one minute and just calm down. And alcohol does that to you, that’s why people with PTSD become addicted to substances.

DI Leon: homeboy somehow got better (I’ve yet to watch DI lol) but from what I’ve seen, he’s definitely back to his “normal” self. He probably learned that maybe living life is the best thing. That if his attempt would’ve succeeded, then he wouldn’t have been able to live to his fullest. Regret makes people do a lot of things and I think Leon matured and learned.

[ababanerb]

dopamine - denki kaminari

summary: recovery isn’t linear or easy. it isn’t a million things, and it’s about a million other things. you know this, most of hero society knows this and sort of accepts this. doctors and physical therapists and psychiatrists know this, and preach it. you know it too.

warnings: aftermath of war, mention of injuries, therapy, denki is a good friend

wc: 2,459

"Progress isn't linear," your physical therapist reminds you. It takes every last ounce of self control to keep yourself from snapping that you know hands white-knuckling the wood of the parallel bars.

You want to scream at all your therapists and doctors and nurses that you know progress isn't linear. There's no way for you to not know when you've heard it about a hundred times a day in the six months since the war.

It's even harder to deny when you watch your classmates, fellow hero students, struggle through recovery. The depression and anxiety and PTSD had swept through the nation, and had taken down aspiring heroes and pro heroes alike in massive swathes. You'd watched as the interest in becoming a hero dwindled, no longer a fantasy pipe dream for anybody, but instead a hard earned title with terrifying, life threatening responsibilities.

"I know," You huff out, mostly out of pain and exertion, and you try to take yet another excruciating step. You know you're only moving a few inches at a time — a sad shuffle, if you're honest — but it feels like miles.

There are a few of your classmates also in the PT room, all working on one motor skill or another. Midoriya is seated at one of the tables by the window, working with his own therapist to just grip a pencil.

You'd watched the terrifying green-haired aspiring hero go from screaming and shouting through tears to quiet frustrated sniffling and stifled tears when they'd had him working on the fine motor skill of writing. It had broken your heart, knowing that prior to the war he'd spent nearly all his spare time writing in that notebook he kept. Before the war you might have offered him a smile, some gesture of encouragement, but now you could barely even take a step before the titanium pins holding your joints together jostled and pain shot through you.

You're still hunched over, bracing yourself on the wooden bars, and you can feel a tug on your gait belt as your therapist makes sure you aren't going to fall on your face. You take another sad, measly, step forward and pain races through you, from your toes all the way up through your spine and into your skull. There's a quiet shout as you do it, and for moment you think the sound came from you, but your gait belt remains relaxed.

The shout had come from next to you, Kaminari had fallen, his therapist catching him before his knees could even hit the ground.

You'd watched him struggle through therapy too. His Quirk leaving his body wracked with uncontrollable shakes and tremors. You could still recall very clearly the absolute frustration and anguish he'd expressed at one of the early class therapy sessions over his autonomy being robbed from him.

You could relate.

"Fuck!" He curses, and you can tell he's biting back tears. You take another step, and it hurts so bad a grunt of pain escapes your gritted teeth, knees buckling so hard that your therapist can't seem to react fast enough, and you barely catch yourself on the bars.

You look over at Kaminari, and he's watching you through the long fringe of his blonde hair, the black streak he dyed into nearly entirely faded out. You know he's taking stock of your injuries, the same way you're assessing him, as you ease yourself to the padded floor with a heavy sigh.

"This never seems to get any easier, does it?" He asks, and he's offering you a smile.

"No," you agree in a rasp, vocal cords scraping roughly, never to sound like they did before the war, "It doesn't."

You quickly wipe away your stray tears of pain, turning your head in hopes that you don't have to watch as his expression morphs into something like pity. Or understanding, maybe. Either way, the looks people give you now make you sick to your stomach.

You'd been beaten nearly to death. Though, who hadn't. And although you hadn't had quite as exciting a resuscitation as Bakugou had, you'd been resuscitated twice during your hospital stay. The surgeries had been intensive, not that you'd know having been practically comatose for the three weeks following the end of the war, and recovery had been painfully slow.

Your throat had been ruined, and the reconstruction hadn't been easy — or pretty. So now your voice was a shallow rasp of what it had once been, and that was an improvement from the disturbing gargle it had been at the first class therapy session.

Kaminari was eyeing the marred skin on your neck, angry raised pink and red skin whorling around your neck and up to the right side of your chin and jawline.

Again, not pretty.

"I ha-haven't—haven't seen you without ban-ba-bandages before," Denki comments quietly, and when you lift your head to offer him a wry grin he's looking away, face twisted into something that looks like shame. Or maybe it's embarrassment. You have a hard enough time picking through your own emotions without the help of your therapist to be trying to decipher anybody else's.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," You mutter despondently, a hand coming to feel at the whorls of scar tissue, "I know it's pretty nasty."

Kaminari's therapist is helping him into a wheelchair now, the same as yours, holding onto you by your gait belt.

"Nah," He says, shaking his head as he leans back into the wheelchair. Then he's wheeled out, and his therapist takes him down a hall you've never been down.

"Progress isn't linear," Denki's therapist tells him.

"I know," Denki says, and he's glad that his voice is his right now. No stuttering, no awkward stumbles, his brain firing only the synapses it needs to, "It's just— I went from having total control to having none in just a little over a day. And the worst part is I did it to myself. People would have died if I didn't, but I would still be me if I hadn't."

Denki knows he's shaking, knows because his therapist is offering him a blanket— still not able to tell when he's got tremors or when he's actually shivering. He just shakes his head at her, not sure that when he opens his mouth next he'll be able to speak.

"People would have died either way," His therapist tells him, "Had you been put in your position again, knowing what it would do to you to stay, would you do it again?"

Denki looks appalled, shocked, maybe even a little angry at the thought, "I'd do it a hundred times over if that meant we had a better chance at winning the war."

For some reason, as his therapist points to him, telling him that he's got answer right there, he thinks of you. Wonders if you'd do it all again, even with the knowledge that you'd end up potentially with the worst of the injuries.

He remembers seeing you get wheeled past him in the hospital when the war had ended. A nurse had been on top of you, doing chest compressions, and he would never forget how air had wheezed past your lips, and the noise your ribs made as they cracked from the compressions. He'd been horrified when you passed by, his classmates who could stand gasping at the state of you as you'd been wheeled by. He remembers the many odd angles your legs had bent, and the vicious burns and cuts in your neck, and how your face had been so bloodied and bruised and swollen you were unrecognizable. The only indication it was you had been your tattered hero costume, hanging off of you in shreds.

"A friend of mine," Denki starts, even though he knows todays session is coming to a close, the visual timer his indicator, "Was in even worse condition than I was after the war. I think the worst condition in our class. They're still attending classes even though they can barely walk most of the time. I know they'd do it all again, too. But I can't imagine why they'd want to suffer through all that they have again."

"Why don't you ask them that?" His therapist suggests.

The next day Denki does just that. He hunts you down on wobbling legs, world tilting as he does, after classes had ended. Despite most everybody in class still suffering mobility issues, regular classes had resumed two months after the war had ended. And despite your incredibly limited mobility, your Quirk helped you get around better than most.

The war had either drawn friends closer in the aftermath, people clinging to the bonds they already had, like Denki had done, his friendships with his classmates who were willing even stronger than they had been prior to the war. Or it did what it had done to you, the remnants of war weighing so heavily that seclusion seemed to be the only option.

Then again, most everybody had become more withdrawn in the aftermath of the war. Conversations between anybody was stilted, even amongst those who had been closer than close.

So when he'd finally hunted you down, exhausted and shaking so bad it was wonder he'd managed to find you at all, it was an odd sort of relief when you'd smiled in greeting.

You'd hidden away on dorm roof, knowing that if anybody wanted to talk to you the stairs made the process all that more difficult for most of your classmates. You waved him over, and he wobbled his way over to you trying his best to walk steady, even as a particularly bad wave of tremors came over him.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" You'd asked in way of greeting when he'd taken a seat next to you near the edge of the roof. You even smiled at him, halfway forced, but mostly genuine, the muscles in your face atrophied from a general lack of use over the past six months.

Denki smiles in return, his mouth twitching wildly as his brain misfires, "I was hoping I could ask you something. If that's okay?"

A spark of panic runs through you, there aren't usually very many scenarios when you're asked a question that doesn't make everybody uncomfortable when you deign to answer. You spare a glance at him, searching for any signs of discomfort in his face. Finding none, you nod slowly.

"If you could go back, would you still have fought in the war, knowing what you know now?"

You stare at him, and you can already see the regret sinking into his face. You rush to find an answer. You'd had a similar conversation with your therapist before, back when the concept of survivor's guilt had been new and foreign. You had told your therapist yes, of course you would, because -

"-It didn't really feel like there was any other choice to make," The words leave your mouth involuntarily.

Your classmates had expressed similar sentiments, that they were there, what else were they supposed to do? You didn't care that you were already there, time and place had nothing to do with it. You could've been out of there in a matter of minutes.

"You could've walked away, though," Denki says, knowing the same as you that getting away wasn't the issue like it had been for most of his classmates, "You had a choice. Why did you stay?"

"I was either going to die that day or live with a lifetime of guilt. Dying seemed easier at the time."

He flinches at the mention of death, having tasted it himself, "But you didn't."

"No," You agree, "I didn't. I wrecked myself, and I'd do it all again, even as I am now if it means I can die knowing I did all that I could."

He hums, maybe with electricity, you don't know. You don't look over to check.

"Nobody would have been mad at you if you'd left."

"I would have."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Your words haunt Kaminari in the days that follow, and he makes an active effort to drag you into his friend groups activities. You let him pull you along for lunch with his friends, and you try your hardest to greet them with the same enthusiasm they did.

His friends are riddled with about the same amount of scar tissue you are, Bakugo perhaps the worst. You'd heard about his meeting with death on the battlefield with All For One. He'd sought you out maybe a month after Kaminari had integrated you into their friend group to talk about the shared experience of dying.

Then, suddenly, you couldn't seem to shake Kaminari, try as you might. He was walking with you to and from class, and the two of you did physical therapy together, even though you'd progressed to a point where you could start more intensive training and he still wobbled every other step.

So, maybe it was a two-person effort that pulled him into your life, an integral player. Or maybe it was an unhealthy trauma bond, you couldn't tell, chest still numb in the aftermath. Though, you couldn't tell if the numbness was from your anti-depressants or the war.

"I'm glad you've found a support group of sorts," Your therapist tells you at your next visit, "It's important to have friends and strong bonds in times like these."

You nod along numbly. Granted, your therapist's right, you've been feeling better since that day on the roof when Kaminari had hunted you down to ask you what nobody else seemed to want to.

"Kaminari's been a really good friend to me," You tell your therapist, "Feels like I haven't been as good of a friend as I maybe should be."

Your therapist only hums, and leaves with the advice that you should maybe do something to let Kaminari know you appreciate his friendship with you.

The next time Kaminari finds you on the roof, you're greeting him with a Pikachu phone charm and a box of his favorite cookies.

"To say thanks," you tell him, even though he doesn't ask and you don't look at him. Kaminari's chest blooms with an electric warmth and this time he's sure it's not from his Quirk.

"You should call me Denki," Is all he says, and he feels giddy at the thought, "We're friends, after all."

You hum, your legs swinging gently over the ledge of the dorm roof. You smile with no restraint when you finally return his gaze, your eyes meeting his shaking golds.

"Only if you call me (f/n), Denki."

It's like you took a shot of dopamine when he smiles in return, and says, "Okay, (f/n)."

[tethered-heartstrings]

Something i could never understand is...why do people want Jack to die???

Jack is an obstacle plenty of times and is sort of flippant about Will's state of mind in the beginning, but in all fairness he was trying to stop a MURDERER and I could see how he would value saving lives over Will's health. (Not saying it was right of him, but I get it. And Alana does rightfully chew him out to a point.)

Its clear he just assumes that Will not wanting to be involved im the mass murders is a natrual response to seeing all of that stuff, Jack has no idea that Will and Hannibal are having murder husband fantasy dates until the later seasons. Which in all fairness, he has a right to be concerned about lol

People villainize Jack for a lot of reasons, and only want to see the bad in him. People hate him because he's a cop (okay, so is Will, and everyone else on the team for that matter but only seems to apply to Jack?), because he didn't take care of Will's mental instability/deterioration (as if Will isn't a grown man who should/could stand up for himself and admit to Jack when he isn't doing well), because he was "too dumb to see Will was Very Obviously Ill" (as if we the audience don't get special privileges on what happens behind closed doors and Jack is just supposed to read minds), because he was a criminal investigator "too dumb to not see it was Hannibal all along" (as if Hannibal didn't manipulate literally everyone in his vicinity to make himself look normal and stable and safe and trustworthy), because he "doesn't care about Will" (as if this wasn't literal manipulation Hannibal whispered to Will during his mental breakdown to drive a wedge between him and Jack), because he isn't perfect and he isn't allowed to be flawed, and tbh a big factor of it is racism. and many more reasons.

Of course Jack has flaws, that's what being a human being is. Everyone on the show has faults, but people focus and amplify only the characters they don't like. Hannibal, and to be honest Will also, are literally right there in the same frame and are horrible people, who have done so much worse than Jack. But people don't want to be critical of their faves. Hannibal fans often also have like, main character specific lens so only their favorites are talked about highly and everyone else is dragged through the mud (Jack, Alana, even Abigail) and are not allowed to be seen as a multifaceted character. (admittedly, the women on the show are very poorly written which can contribute to this for the female characters of the show but I digress)

Jack genuinely wants to do something good, he wants to save lives, and he wants to so badly he can get horseblinders on and focus too much on the end goal and not on the path itself. That isn't evil though. He does care about Will, and in a very dad-like way he wants what is best for him but it isn't entirely through Will's lens ir his best interest. He trusted that Will would talk to him, and Will didn't. Like sure he hinted the job wasn't good for him and it was affecting him but that isn't specifically saying "hey Jack, I have headaches that won't go away, I can't sleep, I am sleepwalking, I am losing time, I am scared. Help me." Yeah, looking at horribly mutilated bodies all day isn't good for anyone. He tried to get Will genuine help, by setting him up with a well-renowned psychiatrist per someone else's recommendation. He tried, but Hannibal didn't do his job. He lied to Jack saying Will was fine, rubberstamped him sane. What is Jack supposed to do? Call him a liar? A well respected professional in the field? Be real. And to your point, again, Will never said how bad he actually was, so it makes sense Jack is doing his job and prioritizing saving lives.

Jack also didn't want to believe Will was guilty. The evidence was piled so high against him they eclipsed the sun. Jack is smart, his entire job is finding evidence to lead to a conclusion. He can't just suddenly turn a blind eye because it's Will. Jack was willing to risk his career to help him, a career that took decades and immense hard work to achieve. He then trusted Will and Will betrayed him. He wanted to trust in him until the very end. People get mad at Jack for not trusting Will but then call him dumb for trusting him later like lol what the fuck do you want?

Jack also knows when he messed up. He lives with the guilt of Miriam going missing forever, he knows he fucked up and makes it a point not to make that mistake again. He isn't careless. He cares for the people he works with. You could see it in his face how devastated he was when Beverly died, when Will was arrested. Even thinking about Miriam. There is a tenderness in him being the one to take off Will's mask and straight jacket, as an act of humanizing Will and saying "I trust you".

Jack is also a good husband who loved his wife. Yes, his job kept him away from home a lot, but Bella isn't dumb and she knew what his job entailed. He took care of her as best as he could. He wanted to do anything to support her after her cancer diagnosis, he was always in her corner. Of course he wanted her to do chemotherapy, of course he didn't want her to die. He didn't want to lose the love of his life and traverse the world alone, his most trusted and longtime support system gone. He broke the law to smoke weed with her and join her, and be a part of her care and comfort. And in the end, he did the hardest thing by letting her go so she wasn't in pain anymore. It wasn't passive, it wasn't that she died and he just watched. He pushed the plunger to give her peace. He is a human being capable of compassion and love and care.

People forget we have the audience view, so we see Hannibal being manipulative and murdering, and we see Will wake up from nightmares covered in sweat and sleepwalking. But the characters in the show aren't us! They only see what is in front of them or told to them. And they act like if they weren't in the same shoes they wouldn't do the exact same stuff.

To put it shortly, Jack is a complex and flawed character, as is literally everyone on the show and people in real life. He genuinely tries his best and wants to do good things in the world. He is sooo far from the worst character on the show (I argue he might be the most morally stable and centered) but is made out to be the worst person ever, when he isn't. He doesn't deserve to die, and he doesn't deserve to be murdered. He deserves a nice, peaceful, retirement (or vacation, not sure he could stay away tbh especially now that Bella has died) and to be left the fuck alone.

[vulpixisananimal]

Pains and Patience

TW for self harm/dagger under the cut.

(You are sitting in a chair in the main room of the place you and your family were staying. Bonnie and Nille are around. You asked them to leave you alone for a bit. You can hear them talking in the distance. Your eyes are closed.)

(What does it look like?)

(One breath, two, three, and you're there. This blurry place that feels like a dream yet to be fully formed. Stretching above you so impossibly high was the favor tree. Around you it was pitch black, with stars dotting the skies.)

(It came to your mind naturally. It was... Strange, not a daydream, it was just... There. A place in your own mind that felt so... Real.)

(It's still growing.)

(It is. You turn around and that other part of you is there. Mal Du Pays. It fit here better than you did, it seems.)

(You still can't see the rest of it, can you.)

(No, I can't. You say. It's still the favor tree, just the tree. Where's loop?)

(Hiding, I expect.)

(You're very helpful.)

(I'm trying to keep you alive.)

(You shake your head, that's what it always said. Keep you alive. It was hard to believe when you'd come back to front to find you did something bad that you don't remember.)

(You look out to the stars. This place still felt off, like it was missing pieces. Every time you tried stepping beyond the tree you'd freeze up. Gripped by a fear you had never felt before, was fear even the right word?)

(You'll figure it out.)

(Right. We'll figure it out. We're getting a rest now after all. We'll figure out what's going on with Ramos, figure out why we're still Looping, THEN we'll deal with this disassociating, thing, whatever Odile called it.)

(Odile is not exactly a psychiatrist.)

(She's better than guessing.)

(I will not talk to her. You will not make me talk to her.)

(... Fine, for now, but eventually-)

"'Heyfrin!"

(Your snap to attention, back in reality, Bonnie was leaning in from the doorway. They looked a bit worried.)

"Hey Bonbon."

"Ramos showed up, Nille's distracting them right now."

(Huh?? You stood up.) "Here? Did they do anything?"

(Bonnie shook their head.) "Nuh uh, said they were looking for 'Beau and thought to stop by."

(You breath a sigh of relief.) "Alright, just act like you don't know anything, alright?"

"Duh, I know how to keep a secret."

(Walking to the front room area, Ramos was there talking to Nille. Casual conversation. They looked just as relaxed and cheery as the other loop. They didn't look like a kidnapper or anything, seeing you approach, they waved.)

(Do not get fooled by good acting.)

"Hello! You're Siffrin, right?"

(You waved back, smiling.) "That's me, Nille giving away my secrets again?"

"Your name's not exactly a secret, Siffy." (Nille said sarcasticly. Seemingly, she got the memo to act cool.) "Sorry Isabeau isn't in right now."

"That's fine." (Ramos said cheerily.) "Mind if I stick around untill he does?"

"Sure!" (Nille cut you off before you could say no. Great. Fantastic.)

(Maybe you could learn something.)

(You all headed back to the common area, walking and talking. Ramos making a bad joke and ruffling Bonnies hair, much to their annoyance.)

"So how'd y'all meet Isa?" (Ramos asked.)

"Met 'em a few weeks ago after getting de-frozen from time. Showed up to my place saying lil Bonnie helped save the country."

"YEAH!!! We kicked the Kings CRABBING BUTT!!"

"Language."

(You all chuckle.)

"I met 'Beau running from the curse. Nille told me to run when showed up at Bambouche and I did untill I passed out."

"You must be one tough kid then." (Ramos was smiling.)

"And don't you forget it!!!"

"What about you, Siffrin?"

"Oh, well." (How did it go again...) "I bumped into Mirabelle, Isa, and Odile by chance, off to save Vaugarde and all. They were fighting a sadness and I helped out. Asked me to join after that."

"Woah." (Ramos looked pretty engrosed in the story.) "It must have been real strong, Isa isn't a pushover."

"Oh, well, it was kinda strong." (You shrug.) "Not strong enough though, since I took it out in one hit."

(Ramos beamed, they leaned over and grabbed your hand.) "No way!! That's awesome!! I wish I coulda seen it!"

(You wince, and Ramos releases your hand.) "O-oh, sorry."

"'Frin doesn't like being touched." (Said Bonnie.)

"Ha, it's alright Bonnie." (You replied.) "It just took me by surprise."

(Why was Ramos so.... Relaxed? It didn't make any sense. If it was Ramos who tried grabbing Bonnie, why'd they come to visit? Where you wrong about them?)

(It's acting. Siffrin.)

"How's Isa been anyways?"

"Stupid." (Says Bonnie.)

"A good stupid." (Nille continues.) "Real bumble of emotions from what I've seen."

"Mmhm!" (You nod along.) "He's great, sure saving the country was stresful, but, Isabeau's been there with us the whole way."

"I'm glad!" (Ramos leaned back in their chair.) "Did he mention me at all?"

(You smile, of course he did.) "All the time!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! We went through a lot together, aparently you helped him a bunch? I've honestly been itching to meet you!"

(Wrong.)

(What?)

(That is wrong. What are you doing.)

(Bonnie was giving you a look, what do you mean? Don't you remember?)

"That's, wow!" (Ramos rubbed their neck.) "I didn't, think he'd mention me at all."

"Haha, you left quite the impression."

(Stop talking. You aren't acting.)

"Well, I gotta ask, what was it like? Saving the world."

"It, well, to be honest it didn't go great, not at the end." (Stop.)

"'Frin?" (Bonnie was looking between you and Ramos. Confused.)

(You continue.) "It should have been impossible getting to the King, really."

"Oh?"

(Stop, Siffrin.)

"Well, I shouldn't really talk about this, but if Isa trusts you, then I'll trust you."

(Siffrin, that's enough, stop talking.)

"But, the truth is--"

(. . .)

(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .)

(It feels like a migrane with no pain. A force of will. A wave of intense, snapping bones. It feels like your brain gets dunked in ice. It feels like a lot of things, all of them hard to explain.)

(But you had to stop Siffrin from talking.)

(You stare at the stranger who's name is Ramos. Whatever Ramos could do, that was it. Siffrin was about to talk about the loops, the wish, everything. All that to an enemy.)

"Siffrin?" (Ramos was staring at you.) "Are you alright?"

(What did you do, Ramos. What did you do to Siffrins little head. You had a cold anger in your soul. Ramos had hurt you. Who are you, Ramos. What are you. You stand up.)

"'Feeling alright, Siffy?" (Nille asks.)

(You open your mouth. You ask a quesion.)

(You see all three of them wince. Nille is conused, Bonnie is gripping their head, Ramos is looking at you, afraid.)

"S-siffrin?? I, uh, didn't quite catch that." (You could see Nille trying to comprehend what you asked.)

(You look at Ramos, they looked confused, and pained. Did they not understand? You say something else.)

"H-hey cut it out, it's giving me a headache."

(Ramos is looking back at you. You can see a fear in their eyes. What do you look like to them right now. Like a monster? Good. You speak again.)

"I, I-I can't understand, please!"

"'F-frin..."

(You open your mouth. You want to hurt them. You want to know what they did. You need to. If they don't understand you, fine then. You'll just keep asking them. As long as it-)

"'Hurts..."

"Siffrin?" (Ramos was staring at you.) "Are you alright?"

(. . .)

(You stand up wordlessly. They didn't know the language. They didn't recognize it. So they weren't from home. So how could they make a wish. Was it dumb luck? Not likely.)

(But, Bonnie...)

(. . . You leave to your room. You ignore them calling after you. It didn't matter anyway.)

(You're tired. You looped again. Yes, it was only a few moments back, though. You could feel the nausea starting to catch up to you, but you forced yourself to continue. You're in your room. You grab your hat. As much as you told Siffrin your skin was sensitive, they ignored you. Thats why you wear a hat, stupid.)

(You Move fast. You go to the window. The jump out isn't that bad. You get up on the windowsil, and jump out. You land solidly, and run for the library.)

(The sprint gave you a chance to think. Ramos did something to Siffrin, and now Siffrin thought Ramos was some friend. It made you sick. What did Ramos do? Touch you? They did touch your hand. Was that it?)

(Why was Bonnie bleeding. Why were they bleeding that shade?)

(You ignore that question, for now.)

(You're at the library. You run inside. There you see Odile, Isabeau, and Mirabelle all about to leave with a couple books. You sprint over.)

"Siffrin?!?" (Mirabelle spots you first.) "What are you doing here? Did something happen???"

(You don't, can't, respond. Instead you go to Odile, who was holding the books, and tapped one.)

". . . What?" (Odile looked confused.)

"Uhh... Are you wondering if we found something?" (Isabeau spoke up. You nod.)

"Ah, well yes we found something. But is everything alright, Siffrin?"

(That didn't matter right now. You shake your head, and tap the book impatiently.)

"Alright alright." (Odile puts the books down on a nearby table and opens one, you follow.)

"Should, shouldn't we be worried??? If something bad happened??" (Mirabelle asked. She was scared.)

"Well, if Siffrin ran all the way here then I bet they're about to loop back anyways." (Isa said confidently. He was also scared.)

"Quite.. Ah here." (Odile got to a page in the book. Looking at it now, it was craftonomy. The page was on different crafts and what kind of tactile response they had with a body.) "This one, a strong scent of mint is often assosiated with potent Mind Craft."

(Mind craft.)

(Odile continued.) "An advanced craft type that's distantly related to body craft; its use is... contreversal. In Ka Bue it is explicitly banned."

"I was taught a little about mind craft at the House, about how it can be used to help with someones memory, or to forget a traumatic experience." (Mirabelle added.) "We weren't ever taught it, though."

"I mostly see it in fiction. Mind crontroll, brainwashing, spooky stuff like that." (Isabeau comments.)

(You keep looking over the page. Strong sense of mint. Confusion. Hard to master. That must be it. Ramos' touch gripped Siffrins mind. You nod.)

"Compared to time craft it shouldn't be hard to undo. Unless it's powered by a wish." (Odile muses.) "Tell the next me about it then, if we don't have time here."

(You nod. It was about time for that then. Your hand slips into your cloak and to your dagger.)

(. . . Isabeau is looking at you.)

(There's an awkward silence. Odile breaks it.) "Er, actually, Mirabelle, Isabeau, there's some complicated intricacies I'll need to explain. Could you go make sure Ramos doesn't disturb us?"

"Huh?? I-I mean-"

"Leave it to us, M'dame!" (With that, Isabeau rushes to the library entrance, Mirabelle hesitated, but followed. You look up at Odile.)

". . ."

(. . .)

(There is a painful silence.)

"I, wanted to ask you something. I did not feel comfortable asking with those two around." (she eventually said. Looking at her face, it was stressed, worried.)

(she continued.) "Siffrin, or, if you want to be called that. Please be honest with me. Do you... Use your dagger in order to loop back."

(Oh Odile, still she surprises you. You tilt your head slightly as if to say "go on.")

"You've had... Moments ever since we defeated the King, and, forgive me if I'm being insensitive, you always seemed to not Care too much about your own wounds." (She paused, clearly uncomfortable.) "That, combined with... With everything, really. It would make sense."

(. . . You nod.)

". . . Is it the only way?"

(You put up a wavy hand. Not sure.)

"Is it the only consistent way? That you know of at least."

(You nod.)

". . . It, does it hurt?"

(You nod. Odile is looking at you, brow creased. She pinches the bridge of her nose. After a moment, and taking a breath, she continues.)

". . . In a next loop. We can, figure out something better than that. If you tell me I promised to keep it secret from the others, I probably will, too."

(You nod, and file that away with Odile's other offer. She was reaching out to you. Why. You don't trust her.)

". . . Thank you, Siffrin." (She takes a breath, and turns her back to you, waiting. Ah, she doesn't want to see.)

(Whatever. It's time. You take out your dagger and. . .)

(. . .)

(It still hurts.)

[fractualized]

So I saw Joker: Folie à Deux, and I thought it was… fine. Enjoyed myself at parts, felt disappointed at others, which was better than my complicated feelings about Joker. (My reaction was much the same as Jenny Nicholson's.)

Gonna ramble a bit with, like, all the spoilers.

Obviously, since Joker wasn't really a Joker movie, that aspect was highly unlikely to change in the sequel. Perhaps some elements could've moved more in alignment with the General Comics Joker vibe, but that doesn't happen. Funnily enough, in it's own way, this movie is about how it's not a Joker movie!

And then there's Harley. They nixed her accent and bubbliness, of course, 'cause that's not gritty enough. They also called her Lee, while mentioning that her legal name is Harley Quinzel, not Harleen, because the movie industry loves the IP but gets too in their heads about names seeming "grounded" or whatever. Anyway, there's a bit of a fakeout at first where she indicates she's in Arkham because she's a pyromaniac, but we learn midway that she actually went to school for psychiatry and lives with her wealthy parents, and she checked herself into Arkham because she wanted to get closer to Arthur after seeing him murder Murray Franklin. Lying is her way of getting closer to him, and Arthur doesn't mind as much as he should, because she makes him finally feel less alone.

So she is an obsessive Harley, but it's not the typical jarley story, is it? As a Telltale fan, I can't be too spicy about that, though I was wondering if Arthur would try to manipulate her back. He is manipulative, after all. He develops an OK rapport with the Arkham guards, and when his lawyer's psychiatrist asks him leading questions that assume he has DID and Joker is one of his alters, Arthur goes along with that defense, repeating elements of her questions like they're facts. Arthur wants to trust Harley so badly, though, that he doesn't try to deceive her; when they first meet, he even confesses that his mother is among his victims.

It's sad, but it does take it too far from what I want to see in jarley, personally. Even John Doe lied to his Harley!

The end of Harley's story is a let-down. Near the end, Arthur confesses that "Joker" is not an alter; Arthur killed those people and his mother. He says that ultimately there is no Joker, and Harley is disillusioned with this man who inspired her with his audacious violence and leaves the courtroom along with other supporters. Later, when the guilty verdict is read, the proceedings are interrupted by the side of the court room fucking exploding, which was an exciting twist— at least when I assumed it was Harley. I thought she'd had her own break and had decided to take on a chaotic Joker persona of her own. But no. It seems a car bomb was planted by some other random supporter. Harley and Arthur have a final meeting, and she just reiterates her disappointment that he's disowned Joker, and she leaves. Eh.

That actually leads me something that did make me think of Comics Joker, specifically Amnesia Joker from Batman (2011) #48. There've been some recent posts about him, but the poor bastard is often on my mind regardless. The nameless butcher quite obviously wants to stay in his quiet life; even if he doesn't remember explicitly who he used to be, he certainly knows he doesn't want to go back. So when Arthur ends up trying to escape the Joker persona that he embraced by the end of the 2019 film and for much of Folie à Deux, it does align with Joker feeling no fulfillment from his chaos.

Throughout the movie, he seeks that fulfillment in his sudden connection with Lee, which is obviously doomed because of said suddenness. But that's where the music comes in! There's been a lot of "is this a freaking musical or not??" and it is very much a musical using old standards. Both Gaga and Phoenix sing, and for the most part I enjoyed it. I will say, though, that I wish they leaned harder into the musical aspect, with more numbers spinning into fantasy sequences with setpieces, and that they had original songs. But anyway, the point of the songs is to highlight how Arthur finally feels like he's connected with somebody.

But there's no real foundation to the love. Arthur ends up alone back in Arkham, and I don't think we learn if he got an official death sentence before he's horribly stabbed to death by another inmate, who wants to tell him a "joke" with the same punchline delivered to Murray Franklin.

Whereas at the end of the first movie Arthur felt like he got society to finally see him by committing murder and igniting chaos, this movie follows through on how that was just a kind of malicious high. Nobody cares about Arthur; both his supporters and the justice system are responding only to his worst acts, not the whole of his person. Only the lawyer he ends up firing is focused on getting him into a real hospital. When Arthur tries leaning into the power of the Joker persona, it leads to unspecified but brutal abuse by the Arkham guards he once charmed, followed by a horrible scene in solitary. Another inmate sings in solidarity with Arthur, and then Arthur listens to a guard murder him. Arthur's moment of power was fleeting, and in actuality he's still under the thumb of the system (and doesn't live in a franchise where Arkham has a revolving door). He dies in that system.

I'd say it's worth watching if you're prepared for another dose of bleakness, though this time with singing and a little dancing! Often I thought during this movie (and during my rewatch of the first one last night) that there were many elements I wish I could see in an actual Joker movie. Unfortunately since it's "already been done," that chance is probably even lower than it already is. But hey, if we got three different Spider-men in a twenty-year period, maybe I'll see a full Broadway-style, for-reals-supervillain, Batman-loving Joker before I die!

(Oh, I guess I should mention that. The Waynes and their murder don't come up at all, and thank god, because I remain hostilely uninterested in Joker possibly being Thomas's son.)

[one-and-a-half-yikes]

*inhale* Cuphead and Colly headcanons please😈😈😈

(Also perchance your opinion of coffeekitty (cup x Felix) mayhaps I live laugh love coffeekitty)

THE GODS HAVE GIVEN ME AN ASK!!!!

Okay okay starting with Colly hcs (because I don't think I have that many Cuphead ones)

These two would be such a chill fucking couple, but definitely capable of chaos every once in a while (it's Holly's fault lol). I like to think, in a relationship that Holly does get Cup into reading after at least getting him to try exploring some genres. Anything crime related is usually his go to though he did finally start branching out into other stuff. Ideally on a good day he's reading something from the adventure genre. After a decade spent involved in actual crime reading about stories, even if they're fictional, involving murders, killers, etc wears on him mentally and emotionally so he doesn't really read that anymore.

Snuggle time for these two is a must but it's usually initiated by Cuphead because he's touch-starved. Not that Holly's complaining, unless he's literally sweating in which case fuck that. And yes, this does mean that Holly is the big spoon in their relationship. Always. It's comforting for Cup, and sometimes when his mental health decides it's wants to plummet for no reason he just kinda flops near wherever she is. Sometimes "snuggling" for these two literally just means knowing the other is in the same room as them. Alive. Breathing. Especially for Cuphead who would still get the occasional nightmare of the Devil coming for him and taking everything he has away, including Holly. So it's nice to just sit on the floor and lean his head against the back of her chair if he knows she's working on something at her desk.

Because of everything involving Hat and his experiments done on him Cup's fear and unease around doctors does in fact extend to psychiatrists as well. So seeing a therapists is still incredibly hard for him. Enough that they had to settle for 40 minute sessions cause that's the amount of time Cup was willing to spend in a shrink's office. The first time he agreed to an hour session he got so antsy he was basically pacing the room like a caged animal. They went back to 40 minute sessions after that lol. Also, I do think Cup has other nervous ticks if he doesn't have a cigarette on hand. Which is probably why it took so long to get him to stop smoking. Because when he wasn't he was irritable and a nervous wreck. Best solution Holly could find was incense, but then when they got Dagger (wounded stray kitten Cup found and took in as a pet) she went back to regular scented candles. Somehow, that seemed to quell his anxieties.

Also they got an apartment instead of a house. Only cause Cup didn't like the idea of being in one and it wasn't like they were planning on having kids anytime soon like the others so it was more of "yeah sure why the fuck not".

I will say it here and now that these two have gone on sooooo many vacations. Listen that money that Cup has saved up for a rainy day. Null and void his Princess wants to go to fucking Japan so that's where they're going now. Whatever his queen wants ✨️

Too chill for fancy outings, I think they'd just hangout at cafés, diners, or try finding new street food to eat. Also concerts?? Soon as those become a thing fucking yes obviously (it was a one time thing and they both hated lmaooo). Fancy restaurants are reserved for anniversaries or special occasions when Cup wants Holly to fucking REST FOR ONCE. Because oh yeah she's not her mom entirely but she is a workaholic like her so yeah it's Cup's designated duty to drag her from her desk to bed. And hide the coffee on the highest shelf where she can't reach (this has never stopped her btw).

Also! Mentioning spooning again? Surely not me. Surely not I. As it stands, when they are going to bed, Holly gets to be the little spoon which works just fine for Cup cause it's the only way he can keep her contained (Holly sleeps like a fucking starfish okay and her hair being as long as it is means it's splayed out EVERYWHERE by the time morning rolls around)

Last thing I'll mention and it's a Cuphead hc is that I don't see Cup becoming a detective once he's able to be free from the Devil. Tbh I don't know WHY that's such a popular idea in the fandom because it seems completely antithetical to his character to me. You spent a decade involved in crime and committing the worst crimes a person could committ, just so you can jump right back into that but this time solving them? And we're supposed to assume that Cuphead has no problems with that? As an AU it's fine but canon-wise if you ask me I think he would work perfectly as a volunteer with animals. Either at a sanctuary, or at least at a shelter. I see him working at a shelter personally because that fits him. It's calming, he gets to spend time around cute animals, AND he gets to chew out irresponsible owners for not taking better care of their pets. It's a win-win!!!

(Okay I KNOW I just said I was done but rq I do think Cup knows a lot about animals as much as he does about astrology. But he doesn't get to usually gush about that so he's hiding his power level from everyone lmao)

Okay that out of the way this...coffeekitty you speak of...

First of all, that name is cute as hell and second. Idk, Cuphead and Felix have hardly had any real moment to TALK and stars knows they need to because I don't really think Felix gets the Cupbros still and there's still a lot of resentment there regarding Wilson, which is understandable but still-

It's interesting I guess but genuinely only see these two having a platonic relationship. That and also I already have a Cuphead in a gay ship (It's Cupex Cuphead x Alex [the bear not the cat] lmao)

[multifanatics]

Waiting Out a Storm

A/N: I put nearly everyone in this so I could get a taste of their characters. I nearly fell asleep writing this so hopefully its not horrible.

Warnings: Sexual content, General fluffiness, Anxiety due to storms, There could be more that I didn't think of.

Edward Nygma // Riddler

It’s raining and he’s unable to hear himself think against the loud noise of the wind.

He’s annoyed nonetheless, he can’t get work done in these conditions. 

Makes himself hot chocolate and steals all the blankets in the house. 

If you're nice to him he’ll maybe share one blanket but don’t count on it. 

If the power goes out and there’s nothing to do. 

He’s offering you to warm him up. 

He gets cold and hates being cold. 

He’s miserable and makes it your problem more than it is his.

If you seem nervous or scared because of the storm he may be more accommodating to letting you have blankets. MAYBE. 

One way or another definitely leads to sex.

Victor Fries // Freeze

It’s snowing in Gotham? It’s Christmas for Victor. 

The wind and heavy snow he’ll be outside the entire time.

That is of course if you aren’t at all nervous due to the blizzard. 

If you are that’s alright, He’ll stay inside for you. 

Making sure you are warm enough. 

You both are going to sit on the couch and watch your favorite movie. 

Power goes out? May not be what you want but he’s willing to play chess or any other type of board game with you. 

If you ask him, he may be willing to try and keep you warmer. Even if his body temperature is lower then the current storm. 

Keeps you wrapped up in blankets no matter what. 

His body temperature can handle the negatives but yours can’t or at least shouldn’t. 

Harvey Dent // Two Face

Harvey hates storms, while Harv doesn’t mind them. 

Harvey will cuddle you under piles of blankets clinging to you for warmth. 

While Harv will more than likely be found outside if the coin allows him to be. 

Otherwise Harv is indoors and clung to you in a much different way than Harvey. 

Harv typically has his hands on your hips, chin on your shoulder everywhere you go. 

While Harvey is much more a pile of blankets and cuddles.

Human furnace and knows it. 

Harv would be much more open to fucking for warmth, even offers. 

Harvey strikes me as the kind of man who would build a pillow fort during a storm if you’re both anxious or the power is out. 

While Harv would be fine just falling asleep.  

Jonathan Crane // Scarecrow 

One of the first things you told him was your fear of storms. 

And now he gets to watch how you react.

He does not leave your side during the storm for personal reasons that can range from your warmth to your fear.

Horror movies, blankets, and hot chocolate. 

If the power goes out? Horror stories with a flashlight like they do at camps in October. 

Cuddle him and tell him about your fear he was a psychiatrist after all maybe he can help… or make it much worse by accident, possibly. 

I’m in the middle of him waiting for you to offer sex or he doesn’t enjoy it during a storm. 

I see him as a “No power, no problem.” kind of guy and somehow getting everything he needed done. 

He gets cold and sort of carries around a blanket like a cape. Over his shoulders and occasionally encasing him if he stands still. 

Paranoia is his specialty, don't try to hide it from him, he’ll find out anyway. 

Jervis Tetch // Mad Hatter

Tea party in the dark even if the power is working.

Definitely at least a little bit anxious himself. 

Is against any kind of “more heat” ideas you can think of. 

He has a routine, hiding in blankets and drinking tea in the dark and silence.

Though since you’re there maybe it doesn’t have to be silent. 

Sharing blankets is a must with him, maybe not all cuddly but definitely share your blankets. 

Can be clinging if he’s extra anxious. 

He keeps the power off even if it’s working. He can’t hypnotize the lights to stay on so he rather not have the surprise. 

Super sweet if you are anxious as well. 

Recites his favorite poetry, books, or lines from a movie.  

Joker 

His current hideout has a backup generator so don’t worry about the lights going out

What? If there’s no lights how is he supposed to know if people actually enjoy his jokes? 

He’s nowhere to be seen except you know he’s in the same place as you. 

He takes this time to get more work done. 

If you need him for warmth you can sit on his lap while he works. 

If he doesn’t have anything to get done? He’ll drive you mad with a bunch of different jokes. 

He doesn’t cuddle and he won’t screw around during a storm. 

Gives you blankets then sits next to you.

He doesn’t get cold, maybe a little bit but it’s not something he can’t handle.

If you’re anxious he can always offer a kiss and some jokes. 

Oswald Cobblepot // Penguin

It’s storming? Since when? 

He has to look outside to know it’s storming. 

He’s not at all phased by any type of storm unless he’s caught wind of someone plotting against him. 

You need to voice to him you’re nervous and want him to stay around otherwise he’ll be off working. 

If you voice to him you are anxious he’ll offer to watch a movie or something. 

He’s burying you in the warmest blankets if you say you’re cold and you have goosebumps. 

He’s actually very understanding and not very bothered by you at all. 

It was about time he took a break anyway. 

He has backup generators for backup generators he has power in all ways that matter. 

If you want to screw around he’ll cockwarm but he’s only going to mess around if the mood takes him.  

Harleen Quinzel // Harley Quinn 

She complains. 

She hates the cold but surprisingly doesn't mind storms. 

Harley will cuddle or at least fall asleep on your chest or shoulder.

Will steal your blankets. 

Clingy in a non clingy way. She’ll go up to you and stare at you until you get a clue, if you don’t then she minds her own business. 

Definitely down for messing around, much more teasing. 

She will do whatever the hell you want too.

She’ll talk about the days before she became Harley Quinn, and how much colder the cells are at Arkham. 

If you manage to snuggle up to her she’ll share her blankets. 

She clears all anxiety with her degree. 

Pamley Isley // Poison Ivy

Claims its nature letting go.

LOVES storms and doesn’t mind the cold. 

Checks on her plants during the storm. 

Disregards you unless you pay attention to her.

Say you're cold and she will make the best herbal tea. 

She’s calming your anxiety with talk of which plants grow better in the cold and why they need the cold. 

She understands nature and wants nothing more than to ensure everything she likes is alright. 

She shares her blankets with you. 

Would watch whatever. 

You fall asleep and she’ll leave you a few blankets and go outside to enjoy the storm.

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

Taking them Home to Meet the Parents (Marius, Artem, Vyn)

This was originally two parts, but I don't think splitting them up makes much sense. Not when both are written and part two was only Vyn

Requests are OPEN, pls check rules before requesting

Cw: just fluff, a shovel talk

Marius x Fem!reader, Artem x Fem!reader, Vyn x fem!reader

Marius

Your parents are split when you bring him home for the first time

He easily charms your mother who thinks he’s “just such a nice boy, you should keep him y/n”

Mentally you’re like “uh huh. sure. Such a nice boy and the biggest tease in Stellis.” Not that you’d mention it. There’s no point in enlightening your mother during their first meeting

Your father is a different story

He’s heard rumors of the younger von Hagen boy and is  suspicious. Very suspicious. though you’re sure his mood is more about the boyfriend bit, not the von Hagen bit. He’s your father after all

The three of you have dinner, while, Marius chats with your mother and your father subtly not grills him on every topic imaginable

When dinner is done, your father drags him outside for a little talk. Before they leave your mother tells him to “be nice to the poor boy, he’s probably terrified” yes, yes he is, but he leads meetings in front of cranky old men all the time. He’s not going to show your dad just how terrified he is, lol

The shovel talk goes about as well as can be expected

“If you hurt my daughter, I’ll make sure you’re a permanent missing person’s case.”

nope, nope, not terrified at all to which Marius responds with a very quiet, “Yes sir, I wouldn’t dream of hurting your daughter”

Your father would be satisfied with the response and the rest of the night goes very well

Before he leaves, Marius definitely gives you a kiss that has your mother blushing, you breathless, and your father reaching for the shovel. It’s something your should have expected, really. Marius wasn’t going to be able to pretend all night. He never can.

Artem

If your parents would be of split opinions about Marius, the opposite is true if you brought Artem home

Your mother would be very pleased with the way Artem cares for you and how much he respects you. Of course, he treats her with the same courtesy, if not with the same openness. 

Your mother does remark that he seems a little distant and very formal. You merely shrug and tell her that Artem is just like that. 

Even with the distance your mother is easily won over

Your father is even easier to please. It’s painfully obvious that Artem respects you no shovel talk needed

He’s even happier when you tell him about his accolades. He wants someone who can take care of his daughter, who can support her no matter what she decides to do in live and Artem is certainly capable of doing so 

After dinner, Artem insists on being the one to drive you home (you came together anyway), which pleases your parents immensely. 

Vyn Richter 

Your dad was seriously trying to find fault with Vyn, he really was

After all, only the best of the best get to date his daughter

But this is Vyn. Despite his god complex, he has his good points and he knows full well how to put those on display

So instead of seeing “your daughter calls me professor in bed” he sees “successful psychiatrist, professor, and someone who will treat his daughter right”

And he will. Red flags aside, his distaste read: hatred of PUAs shows that he will not descend to that level of manipulation

What only you see is that Vyn is genuinely nervous. He doesn’t have a lot of experience at this stage of a relationship I wouldn’t think anyway and he is not nearly as perfect as he’d like to be (you spent an hour trying to convince him that it was going to be fine

So he results to assuaging your dad’s doubts and charming your mother

Boy howdy does he charm your Mom. His polished and refined manner, strict adherence to etiquette, and the gentlemanly way he treats you has her over the moon

So while your Dad is like, “he’s dating my daughter, I don’t like him. But damn it he treats her like a queen” Mom is like “great job, Y/n, he’s a keeper”

Actually, for a moment your mom is a little self conscious over the homely dinner she spent some much time on. I mean, this is fine dining, best of the best, Vyn and he can’t totally dampen that vibe.

But once things really get going, your dad stops interrogating Vyn and your mom stopped feeling so self conscious (a genuine  “compliments to the chef” from Vyn did the trick) things go fairly smoothly

Vyn soon stops being so nervous, to which you think “about damn time” and you end up having a very interesting dinner time discussion

By the time Vyn leaves, all mistrust has been dispelled

As far as you’re concerned, it’s a resounding success

[ddarker-dreams]

hi locky!!!♡ this might be really personal, but have you thought about SR reader being comforted by her boys after or during an anxiety stage? if you feel fine with it, of course🥺💕 it's just that your SR story is a comfort to me🌸

HI HI i have seen you in my notifs enjoying SR and it's brought me lots of much joy!!!! i consider it a comfort series too, so i'm happy whenever i see it fulfills a similar role for others. coincidentally, i've thought about how anxiety might play a role in SR reader's life. she has a lot to be anxious about tbh hjrktme she doesn't want to take the time to process things and would much rather distract/keep herself busy... it's an element of her characterization i haven't explored enough!

[Scarlet Ribbons index]

Warning: Depiction of anxiety/panic attacks.

Giorno

Giorno is checking you all over for injuries that aren't present, given the attack's psychological nature. Once he confirms there's nothing physically wrong, his mind goes back to the long nights he spent without his mother as a child. That level of visceral panic mimics what he's witnessing here. He does what he wishes he had a parent around to do for him — speaks to you in a low voice, reassures you that he's not going anywhere, that it's going to be okay. He'll gently remind you to breathe. Considering he's improvising on the spot, he does a good job. He'd have a lot of questions, ranging from how frequently this happens to if there's any way to circumvent it, but he'll hold his tongue until things settle down. His initial panic further reveals to him just how much he cares for you and your wellbeing.

Bruno

Bruno never loses his cool, but seeing you succumb to this paroxysm out of (seemingly) nowhere almost has him spiraling. He's known you the longest out of all the others, so he mentally derides himself for not catching onto this earlier. The cheeriness you exude masks anything you don't want others to see. He wants you to feel comfortable enough to tell him anything. Due to his protectiveness over you, he might insist on going to the hospital, so long as you aren't vehemently opposed. The powerlessness he feels watching you battle your anxiety is the worst part, he wants nothing more than to make it stop. He might be a bit pushy about getting you to explain what just happened if you aren't volunteering the information. It comes from a well-intentioned place, though.

Fugo

Fugo does surprisingly well considering how delicate the situation is. He excelled at academics, which naturally encompasses psychology as well. He probably understands what's happening here best. This knowledge doesn't translate seamlessly into reality — due to the tension in the air, his words come out more clipped than he intended — though he's still able to lead you through some steps to calm down. It's a touch clinical but it works. Afterward, he's digging through scientific journals and learning everything there is to learn about anxiety. He's especially interested in what may have caused it, so that you can avoid it repeating in the future. He's practically a licensed psychiatrist by the end of the week. Obtaining knowledge helps him feel more in control of an otherwise chaotic situation, so this is his way of making sense of things to help you better.

Mista

Mista snaps into a more serious version of himself immediately. He has excellent interpersonal skills, from your body language alone, he could tell something was wrong before the panic attack actually occurred. It helps that he also knows you like the back of his hand. If this is the first time he's been around for this, he'll use his intuition to infer the best way to help. Should you seem receptive to it, he'll talk to you in a low voice, serving as a grounding figure amidst the tumult. He has this infectious optimism that you can't help but be soothed by. When you're feeling up to it, he'll ask if you wouldn't mind telling him what that's about. He definitely doesn't want you to have to go through it again.

Narancia

Narancia, bless his heart, initially makes it kinda worse. He isn't exactly a mental health aficionado. Since he doesn't see any clear cause and effect, he'll mistake it for a Stand attack. He'll summon Aerosmith and promise to take care of whoever is behind this. When you insist it isn't a Stand attack, he'll start fussing over you, asking how he's supposed to help. He's horrified by the thought of anything happening to you, his best friend whom he loves dearly. Until you're feeling up to explaining what anxiety is, he sticks to your side like glue. If this happens again, he'll do a lot better. It's just the first time where he's at a loss on what to do.

Abbacchio

Abbacchio is at an absolute loss but manages to maintain a composed façade. He might not understand the specifics of what's happening, but he knows he should take you to a private area. It's rather jarring to see you go from your jovial disposition to being overwhelmed by some force he can't make sense of. It twists his heart and churns his stomach. He'll wonder if you've silently been dealing with this all along. He isn't the best at waxing poetic, but he'll be there until it subsides. He quietly apologizes for not being of much help in the moment. When you tell him that just having him present was all you could've asked for, he honestly feels somewhat emotional. He will sit there for hours and listen to you talk about it, if that's what you want.

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

Again

pairings: kim sunoo x reader

synopsis: kim sunoo had decisions he regrets before. and so when given a ‘second chance’ he made sure he won’t make the same mistakes again.

word count: 5k

warnings: contains yandere themes, curses and mention of murder.

note📎: i may or may not got carried away on writing this one. i didn’t know sunoo and the word yandere can fit so well. anyway, i hope you enjoy this one. let me know about your thoughts by sending asks to me. thank you and have a nice day/night 🤍

© 2023 eeunoia — all rights reserved.

“Sunoo, sweetheart.” his Mom greeted him as he enters their dinning area. He gave him a short glance then dropped a quick kiss at her head before heading towards his usual sit.

“Yeah?” he ask then the helpers attend to him right away, serving him his breakfast.

“Your doctor called me last night.” she starts and Sunoo draws a strained sigh before looking away from her. “She said that you didn’t visit again last saturday for your session. You’ve missed months of therapy.” she sounded so worried.

He didn’t say anything and just kept his eyes over his plate while his hand plays over his utensil.

“Are you drinking your meds?”

Sunoo sighed, starting to get annoyed with the continuous questions his Mom are throwing him. He tried to flash her a small smile despite the irritation before answering her.

“I am drinking my meds, Mom. Don’t worry.” he looked straight to her eyes so she can see that he’s sincere about it. “I will visit my doctor soon.”

She kept her worried stares at him for a while before finally nodding her head. The two of them then continued eating breakfast, diverting the topic about something else. Sunoo’s glad his Mom don’t pester him more about the stupid medications and sessions. He’s so done with it. Does his parents don’t trust him? Does he seem unwell for them? He’s fine. He’s perfectly fine.

“I’ll see you later for dinner, son.” she caress his cheeks and he just nods at her before they both go on separate vehicles.

Sunoo waved at his Mom’s car as her driver drove it out of their driveway. His smile fell the moment it disappeared out of his sight. He stood there for a bit more and just stared at nothing. He sighed then unlocked his black range rover to get inside.

While on the way, his mind went over to what his Mom was talking about. His doctor is such a snitch. He did made himself clear last 3 months ago that he won’t visit again. Why does she have to call his Mom? Now, she’s worried over nothing.

When he got hold by a redlight, he fished his phone then dialled his friend’s number. It rang two times before he answered.

“What’s up? Isn’t it too early for you to call?” Jake.

“Can you do something for me?” he ask straight to the point.

He heard him draws in a sigh, “Depends. What is it?”

“Get Doctor Cha fired for me. She’s getting in my nerves.” he said.

“Your psychiatrist?" he sounded so confused why he suddenly wants her fired.

“Mhm,” he hummed as answer and glanced at the traffic light when it turned green. He was about to step on it when the car behind him honked at him like crazy.

He looked over the side mirror and smirked with no humor. He drove and saw that the car was still behind him. Sunoo tries to focus on his friend while thinking of how to deal with the vehicle behind him. How dare that person honked at him using that ugly ass car.

“She called my Mom and now she’s pressuring me to go see that doctor again.” the bitterness over his tone was evident. Jake couldn’t help but to chuckle at what his friend said. He just can’t with Sunoo’s patience. He can get irritated too easily.

“All right, I’ll see what I can do.”

He decided to pull over to the side and Sunoo’s eyes followed the car when it overtake his car. He made sure to remember that plate number so he can take care of them later.

“Thanks, dude.”

“No problem.” and he ended the call.

His attention went over to his phone background. It was a picture of a smiling girl. Not just any girl. For Sunoo, she’s the prettiest out of all the girls he had ever met. Too bad, she left him.

His fist balled and jaw clenches as he carefully caress his thumb over his phone’s screen. “If only you’re here...” he mumbled softly, yet the hint of pain lingers in every word. “I wouldn’t need any of these. I would only need you.” he added.

Sunoo decided to stop over a café before he went to his class. Since the encounter a while ago stressed him a bit. He wouldn’t want to attend class with a bad mood. He needs to freshen up.

“Good day Sir, may I take your order?” the lady at the counter asks with a bright smile. Sunoo didn’t waste any time to say his order and he was asked to wait.

He tried to busy his phone while waiting on the line for his order. Minutes after, he heard his name being called by the cashier. He locked his phone then lifts his gaze to accept his order.

“Thank you.” he softly said then turned around.

“Oh my gosh!” you gasps when you suddenly bumped into someone because you’re in a hurry.

You are stoned in your position while looking at the mess you just did. The boy’s coffee is now all over his uniform. His head was hanging low, looking at his now stained polo. He cursed inside his mind and can feel his head turning hot.

He can’t believe it. ‘Can this day be any worst?’ Sunoo thought to himself. He pursed his lips tightly, trying to control his anger. He can still hear you mumbling incoherent words. It was obvious that you are panicking. Well, you should be.

“I am truly sorry!” your words snapped him back to reality. He slowly raised his head to look at you.

He was so ready to burst out his anger, but instead no words came out of his mouth. His heart stopped and his stares remained at your worried face. You are trying to get tissues from your bag as you start to catch the attention of some of the workers of the shop.

Sunoo’s mouth fell open at the sight in front of him. He couldn’t believe it. He’s out of words. He don’t know what to say or what to feel first. Is this even happening?

“H-Here, I have tissues. Oh my gosh, your shirt is stained..” you reached over his shirt and tried to even fix the mess you just caused.

“J-Jane?” your hand halt from what you were doing and you eyed the guy in front of you.

He have this unexplained look on his face. Like the look of being reunited with someone after a long time. You showed him an awkward smile.

“I’m s-sorry, but you must have got the wrong girl. My name is y/n.”

“Thank you so much, Sunoo! You don’t know how you just saved this day.” you gave him this warm smile. He pulled over in front of the gate of your school and smiled at you.

Your stomach churns at the sight of the handsome man beside you. He offered to give you a ride after knowing that you are very late for your class. It’s exams today so you couldn’t bear to be late. Thank God, Sunoo is so nice to help you even after you spilled his own drink over him.

“No problem. I’m glad I could help.” he said.

You nodded and quickly grabbed a pen and a paper to write your infos. He watched you silently then wait before you handed it to him.

‘Y/n.’ he read your name silently inside his mind. Below it is some of your social media accounts and number so he can contact you.

“I’m really sorry again for your shirt. You can pm me about the bill to get it cleaned. I will surely pay for it!” you said and unclasped the seatbelt.

“I told you, there’s no need for that.” he says that you quickly disagreed on.

“Please! You already saved me, at least let me treat you for lunch or something!”

His face lighten at your suggestion. “That I can’t say no.”

You beamed and pushed his door open. “That’s great! See you then!” and you left after sending him a small wave of good-bye.

Sunoo stayed for a moment and watched how you entered the school. His eyes are warm and he couldn’t stop himself to feel so happy. He felt excited and thrilled. A lot of things are going on inside his mind. Its a little overwhelming, but that doesn’t matter. What’s important is that he saw you. He found you, again. And he will never ever let you get away from him.

“Woah, what happened to you?” Sunoo threw a short glance over his friend when he walked closer and noticed his ruined shirt.

To his surprise, he isn’t in the bad mood like how he expects him to be. His friend knew how he hates it whenever his clothes gets dirty and just by the looks of it, someone must’ve spilled their drink over him. Sunoo wouldn’t let it pass easily. It needs a miracle for that person to be saved from his wrath.

“Hi.” Sunoo says in a light voice then tried to find a spare shirt inside his locker.

Jake blinked a couple of times and tilted his head over to the side. Totally confused.

“Hi? That’s all it? What happened to that?” referring to his awfully stained shirt.

“Oh! This? Y/n accidentally bumped onto me causing my drink to spill over my shirt.” he explains like it was nothing.

“And you’re okay with it?” Jake asked totally weirded about the fact that Sunoo was not going ballistic over it.

He nodded his head, a small smile present over his lips. Jake shakes his head.

“And who the fuck is y/n?” he’s now curious about this girl who made Sunoo act like this. This isn’t normal. She must have something to do with this.

Sunoo smiles wider when he found a new shirt. He pulls it out from his locker then smiled to his friend. “My Jane. She came back, Jake. She came back to me.”

Jake’s face instantly turned worried for his friend. He shut his eyes and sighed before tapping him over his shoulder.

“Sunoo, look man,” he starts. “Are you taking your meds?”

The smile over Sunoo’s lips disappeared and his eyes grew cold. “Why do everyone needs to be so annoying? I don’t need those stupid pills! Specially now that I have her back.”

He swat his hand away and start walking towards the comfort room. Sunoo even walks across with some of his friends but he ignored all of them then just proceeded on his way. Jake’s eyes follows his friend in total silence. He is very worried and concerned about his behavior.

“What was that? What happened to him?” Jay asked curiously. Sunghoon stood beside him silently, together with Ni-ki.

“He said he saw Jane.” Jake announced that made all of them furrow their brows in total confusion.

They all decided to just deal with it later on. The students were asked at the school auditorium for an emergency announcement. Sunoo was there when they all arrived and they go straight to him. He isn’t mad anymore and just smiled. Jake just tried to shrug what his friend said a while ago.

“I called all of you here because of a special announcement.” the principal spoke over the mic, catching everyone’s attention.

“Someone from our school went missing yesterday. I am asking for your help. The authorities will come to our school later on so if you have any leads about (girl’s name), then feel free to step in my office.”

Sunoo tries hard not to show any suspicious expressions then eyed Sunghoon. He’s looking at the stage. To the large picture printed by the girl’s family and friends. He was looking at it intensely. He taps his friend’s shoulder then leaned closer.

“So you did it, huh?” Sunoo whispers.

Sunghoon’s lips lifted a little before shrugging his shoulders off. “I’d like to watch them go crazy searching for her while she sleeps soundly at my basement.” he mumbles that made a soft chuckle out of Sunoo’s lips.

“I should ask you for advice. I could use some of it.” he said and your pretty face pops inside his mind.

Sunghoon pursed his lips and tilts his head over to the side. “Speaking of. Jake said you saw Jane?”

Sunoo nodded his head, eyes sparkling just by your name being mentioned.

“Well, her name is y/n. Don’t call her Jane anymore because it’ll upset her.” he draws in a sigh then leaned backwards. “I really think God brought her back to me because I’ve been very good the past few months. Don’t you think?” He glanced over his friend, waiting for his answer.

Sunghoon nods his head, “Probably. What’s your plan?”

Sunoo trailed his eyes back to the stage as the principal’s incoherent speech became their background. “Be her friend. This world is so dangerous, Hoon. She needs me around.”

Sunghoon snaps his head back to the stage as well as the best friend of (girl’s name) is now giving her speech. A small smirk plays through his lips.

“It is a dangerous world.”

“I’m sorry, were you waiting for so long?” you ask while settling your things at the vacant chair beside you.

Sunoo smiles, “No. I just arrived a few minutes before you.” he lied. He couldn’t wait to see you again and so he stalked you for a while then go here at the restaurant.

You let out a sigh of relief then smiled at him. “So what do you want to eat? My treat!” you sound excited and so he couldn’t help but to smile as well. You looked so adorable.

He slid a glass of water towards you, “I’ll order, but you should drink some water first. Its hot outside, you must’ve been tired from all that running.”

Your heart faltered at how caring he is. With a blushing cheeks you drink from the glass and the two of you ordered. The whole dinner was fun for you. He’s totally nice and well mannered. You can tell right away that he’s from a wealthy family. From how he dress and talks. Surely, he is well off.

You didn’t realized how long you two were together, but it seemed too short. The conversation just keeps on going. It was crazy how the two of you just clicks with each other. This may sound crazy, but its like he’s someone you met from before. You admit, you may have a little crush on him!

“Sunoo, huh?” your friend gave you this teasing smile while she put down her things at the table in the library.

Its been a whole week of meeting and spending time with Sunoo. It was going so well, that your friend took notice of how you’ve always been in a good mood ever since. You can’t help but to tell her about him.

“Yeah. He’s so great!”

She nodded her head and sat down. “Mhm. Kim Sunoo...” she trailed then furrowed her brows a little. “Why do I feel like I’ve heard that name before?”

You opened your textbook, “His parents are very wealthy so you must have heard his name from tv or read it on tabloids.”

She shrugged her shoulders off, “You’re probably right. Tell me more!” she sounded excited and a big smile crawled over your face before you started telling her stories about you and Sunoo. Your mission to study, now long forgotten.

”Bye, y/n!” your friend waved at you as you walk towards Sunoo. He’s leaning over his car while patiently waiting for you.

He glanced at your friend and she gave her a small wave. Sunoo smiled and nodded his head insincere. Your friend’s smile faltered a bit, sensing something about him. When you glanced at Sunoo, he smiled brightly then meet you half way to help you with your stuff.

He opened the door for you. Even if he did this a lot of times already, you couldn’t help but to blush every time.

“How’s your day, pretty?” he asks and buckles his seatbelt.

You smiled, “Good! We have a lot of things to study. Ugh I hate out biology teacher.” you ranted that made him chuckle.

“You’re doing so well. You deserve a treat. Ice cream?”

“You are really my savior.” you mumbled and leaned in to give him a kiss at his cheeks. It made him happy, very happy.

And that’s the start of your unexpected relationship with Sunoo. You don’t have a clue when you started to feel this comfortable and happy around him. It just did. Days, weeks and then a month passed by and he didn’t changed. He remained the same sweet and caring Kim Sunoo. You must admit, he totally got your trust. You are falling for him.

It may not be noticeable by you, but to your friend it is. This thing that’s going on with Sunoo and you is bothering her. Yes, she can see that you are happy and as your friend, of course she is happy for you. Its just, Kim Sunoo. There’s something with the way he looks at her whenever she hangs out together with you. She couldn’t point out what it is, but she’s uncomfortable about it. She sense that something’s wrong with him.

She did tried to mention this with you, but you get defensive about. Saying that he’s just shy around new people and etc. There even a time where you totally got pissed at her for talking nonsense. That rarely happens. You aren’t the type to be pissed at her over these things. For some reasons, she feels like Sunoo’s taking you away from her.

One day, when you got stuck over some school project and you have to stay behind late, you suddenly started to get followed by someone. You are very scared and started to panic. Your phone died hours ago already so you can’t use it to call anyone for help. It is also pretty late so there are no one on the streets.

You thought something bad will happen to you when thankfully, Sunoo appeared and save you. He hugged you tightly and mumbled comforting words to calm you down. You are a crying mess, but you feel relieved that he was there for you.

“What?!” you heard your friend exclaimed from the other line after you informed her about what happened.

You sniffed and watched over Sunoo who’s busy preparing a meal for you at your kitchen. A smile creeped over your lips.

“Yeah, thankfully Sunoo was there to save me.” you said that made her brows furrow in suspicion.

“Did you call for him?” she asks.

“No. I told you my phone died hours ago, mainly why I only called you now.”

That’s what she has to hear to confirm it that you didn’t have a phone to use to call him.

“Why is he there?” she ask the million-dollar question that’s been bothering her from the start.

“He was taking a walk.” you answered what Sunoo told you a while ago when you asked him the same question.

“At this time? Y/n he even lives far from your place! How come he is coincidentally walking over the street at that time of the night and bump into you?” clearly, things aren’t making any sense and you are too ignorant to understand it.

“I don’t know! Aren’t you just happy that he saved me and that I’m okay?” you’re starting to feel upset.

She sighed and shut her eyes. “Right. I’m sorry y/n. I was just really worried. I will just change and go there, okay?”

You pouted, “Okay.”

The moment you dropped the call, the thought didn’t left your best friend’s mind. She’s sure that something’s wrong him and she won’t just sit here and let you be in trouble.

She quickly opened her laptop and went to search for any useful information about Kim Sunoo. She had done this weeks ago, but she stopped because she feels like she’s betraying you for actually thinking ill of someone that makes you happy. But now, she knew she had to do this. She needs to dig more.

After searching and searching, she almost gave up but then one single article caught her eyes. It was almost impossible to find and have no attention. She clicked it and hand flew over her lips as she read the big letters of the letters of the article.

“Shit.” she mumbled and quickly grabbed her keys to go drive towards your place.

“You feeling all right?” he asks softly and you nodded your head with a small smile. He nodded and placed a gentle kiss at your forehead.

“Yes.”

You two stared at each other’s eyes, nobody dares to look away. You can feel your heart thumping fast, thousands of emotions occupying your chest. Having him this close to you just makes you feel safe.

You got pulled out of trance when you heard the doorbell rang. Both of you turns your head at the direction of it.

“That must be (friend’s name).” you told him.

He flashes you a smile. “Great. I’ll let her in then you two can talk here in your room while I do the dishes.” he says then pats your head before he go open the door for your friend.

When the door swings open, she’s not surprised to see Sunoo. He have this same smile over his lips that she can’t explain. She smiled back and tried to not act too obvious. “Hi! Thanks for safely getting her home. Where is she?” she asks.

Sunoo didn’t replied right away, but then opened the door wider for her. “At her room.” he finally said then lets her inside.

Her steps felt heavier as she go in the apartment. She gulped and smiled before saying that she will just go and talk to you.

Your friend closed your bedroom door right after she managed to get inside.

“Y/n, I need to tell you something.” she whispered and even roamed her eyes around anxiously.

Your brows furrowed, finding her actions a little weird.

“Why are you whispering?”

She shushed you and held both of your hands. “Listen, don’t freak out. You have to come with me. We have to leave.” she continued whispering.

“What? Why? What’s going on?” you are starting to feel anxious as well.

“Its dangerous here. I don’t have the time to explain, we just have to go leave. Now.” her tone sound so serious and you can see in her eyes that she’s really scared.

It made you worried too. You’ve never seen her this way before.

“Wait. Where’s Sunoo? Is he all right? We have to tell him!” you exclaimed worriedly and stood up to come and get him.

Your friend grabbed by your arm to stop you. “Stop! No! You don’t understand,” he said and made you stop completely.

“HE is the danger.”

You stared at her with a confused expression that slowly turned into an unamused one. You sighed, “This again? Really? How many times will I have to tell you? Sunoo is the one who saved me!”

You are slowly getting tired of her telling you that there’s something wrong with Sunoo. This is getting out of hand. She’s seriously trying to break you two apart. Sunoo was right. She doesn’t like him for you and now you are doing this stuff to make you hate him.

“No! I’m sure now! I have proof,” she said, eyes starting to water. She go through her phone’s galler to find a screenshot she just took.

You shoved her hold away and moved back, “Leave.”

Her eyes darted at you. “Y/n...” she starts and took a step closer. “Its him! He’s trying to make you believe that he’s a good guy, but he isn't! He’s doing this to manipulate you into hating me!” she burst out, can’t really hold it anymore.

You slowly shakes your head. Your heart is aching because of her doing all of these. You just wanted someone to be there for you all the time, to love and care for you. And she knows that. Then why would she do this to ruin everything?

“I said leave!” you screamed.

She wipes her tears and nodded her head. “Don’t tell me I didn’t warned you.” was her last words before she stormed out of your bedroom. You plopped down the floor and cried.

Your friend didn’t saw Sunoo when she walks out, but that’s the last of her concern. Her mind is a mess and her heart is aching because of your fight. When she went out of your apartment, her steps halted because Sunoo was leaning over the wall.

He pushed himself off and put his hands inside his pocket. Her chest hammered in fear. She knows how he can be dangerous. Right after she saw and read that article, she knew what he’s capable of.

He smiled, “I’d give it to you for trying.” he said, taunting.

A tear left her eye, “You won’t get away with this. Leave y/n alone!”

He sighed, “But how can I do that if that will break her heart? You don’t want your friend hurt, do you?”

She kept her glaring stares at him. His smile slowly disappeared and that made her heart fell.

“The only person who should leave her life is you.” and with that, someone from her back suddenly covers her mouth and nose. She tried to fight back, hitting whoever that is from behind, but they were too strong. She can slowly feel her body giving in, her consciousness leaving her.

The last thing she can remember was Sunoo going inside your apartment, then everything turned black.

On the other hand, your head snaps at the door when Sunoo enters your bedroom. You quickly stood up and hugged him.

“Shh, I’m here.” he mumbled softly then made you sit down at your bed.

You followed and he kneeled in front of you so he can see your face perfectly. He handed you a glass of water.

“Drink this so you can calm down.” you accepted it and drink all of it.

“I don’t u-understand what’s got into her! She kept on saying that you are a bad person and that you are dangerous! She said that you’re making me hate her so I’ll push her away. She said you don’t like her around me.” you continued ranting and ranting while he holds your hand.

He just watched you, gently caressing your hands and placing kisses at the back of it from time to time. He didn’t talk for awhile, only your cries can be heard around your bedroom.

“She’s right tho,” he started that caught you off-guard.

“W-What?” you asked, confused.

Sunoo smiled, his sweet and angelic smile.

“I don’t like her around you. In fact, I don’t like anyone to be near you. It should only be me. You’ll only need me, Y/n.” he said that made your heart pounding hard.

You slowly pulled your hand off from his hold.

“N-No... I d-don’t understand.” you mumbled and started to move away from him.

Suddenly, all of your friend's words flashes through your mind, regret coming after. It was too late to even realize things. Sunoo stood straight and watch you silently. He didn’t seem like he’s in panic, he just stared at you.

Slowly, you start to feel tired and sleepy. Then you remembered the water he made you drink. It was too late, but you stood up and tried to run away. Sunoo grabbed you by your arm, and you’re too weak to even fight him.

“Its all right, baby. Everything’s going to be alright.” he mumbles and placed a kiss at your forehead before you finally lose your consciousness.

“Son, what is it? Are you okay?” her Mother’s voice sounded so alarmed because he ringed him so suddenly.

Sunoo sighed, “Something happened and I need help.”

His Mom instantly felt worried and excused herself from the meeting before going in a secluded place.

“Oh God, Kim Sunoo! What did you do again? Tell me you didn’t—”

“Mom, don’t worry. Its not like that. I just need you to clean some things for me.”

His Mom was silent for a while and her heart is aching for her son. A lot of people may find her unbelievable if they knew what things she can do for him. Can they blame her? Its her son! Of course she would do anything for him. Even if it means to clean after his mess.

She sighed, “Okay. I’ll send some people to do the job.”

Sunoo smiled, “Thank you, Mom. I love you. I’ll talk to you later, my friends are here.” he said and turns his head to the side when they saw his friends pulling over in front of their vacation house.

“Where is she?” Jake asked and Sunoo pointed the room on the left. He sighed and went there to go check if she’s all right.

Ni-ki sat down at the sofa together with Jay and Sunghoon. Jungwon came inside with Heeseung, both of them have this worried look for their friend.

“Sunoo hyung, you shouldn’t act impulsively.” the younger one scolds him. He just rolled his eyes at it.

Heeseung sighed and taps his shoulder, “Please get a hold of yourself and don’t get too carried away again.”

“Yes, Heeseung hyung is right. Take it easy, dude.” Jay followed.

“Calm down, I got this. Now that I have this second chance, I wouldn’t waste it.” he said, assuring his friends that he’s totally all right.

“You better not go lose yourself again, Sunoo.” Sunghoon warned him, eyes glued over his phone.

Sunoo scoffed and glanced at the direction of the room you are in. A small smile spreads over his face.

“Don’t worry, I won’t kill her this time. I won’t make the same mistake again that I’ve done before.” he said then glanced down at the phone he was holding. It was your friend’s phone and the photo of the article she took was flashing over it.

‘KIM SUNOO, HEIR OF THE KIM GROUP OF COMPANIES HAVE SAID TO BE THE SUSPECT FOR KILLING HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND, JANE CHOI.’ Read more...

main master-list

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[juyomiao]

Only ONE - sung hanbin x gn!reader

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09 ☆ (in)direct kiss

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chapter warnings: joking implications of killing someone , written part isn't proof read n very dialogue heavy

written part under the cut (749 words)

you're considering turning around and making a stop at chaehyun's house to make her regret whatever she planned – maybe include taerae in it too since he's clearly her accomplice in all of this. seriously, what on god's green earth were they thinking?

keyword, considering.

something is telling you this is an opportunity you can't pass on, it's now or never, and the way hanbin looks up from his phone and directly at you almost at the same time as you do is the confirmation you needed.

you don't know where all your insecurities about your feelings not being reciprocated went, but as you walk up to him you find out you it doesn't feel bad, being confident about hanbin feeling the same for once.

"hi," no, nevermind, there goes all your confidence, disappeared into thin air once you make eye contact with hanbin.

"hi, yn," he smiles, the same way he always does, but for some reason it feels different "so i guess we both got caught up in whatever our friends planned?"

"i guess, yeah," a few seconds of awkward silence pass. you have to save this conversation before it ends up where all the conversations between you two end up: nowhere. "so? what do you want to do?"

"well, i was supposed to meet up with hao, but we didn't really have any plans on what exactly to do… i guess the same was with you and chaehyun?" you nod "that mother fucker, once i get her i'm going to- sorry, that's not the point, i always get sidetracked…"

"that's why i like you,"

your eyes widen. did you hear that right?

"what?" hanbin seems as confused as you "what?"

oh, so he didn't actually say that. you're hallucinating too, now? chaehyun gave you the number of that psychiatrist, maybe you should contact them…

"nothing, i thought you said something. do you want to get ice cream?" it's the first idea that comes to your mind, you don't even mentally beat yourself up for how lame it is, anything is fine as long as you stop standing there.

surprisingly, almost all the awkwardness between you two slowly goes away. spending time with hanbin outside of school and your student council duties is fun, time goes by quickly, and before you know it you've already bought your ice cream and sat down on a bench nearby.

"what flavor did you get?" hanbin asks.

"strawberry," it's pretty obvious, the vibrant (and a bit too artificial) pink of the ice cream should give it away easily, why would he even ask?

"can i try it?" you nod your head, standing up "i'll go ask if they have one of those stupid plastic spoons they have at ice cream places,"

"why?"

"uh, i mean, unless you want us to indirectly kiss or something, that's our only option,"

"mh… right, we should probably avoid indirect kisses..." before you can start walking away, he grabs your wrist, making you sit down again. "hanbin what…?"

"how about a direct kiss instead?"

okay now you've completely gone insane. there's no way in hell sung hanbin, your lifelong crush sung hanbin just said he wants to kiss you. no way.

"yn?" then why is he looking at you like he's waiting for an answer?

you know what, fuck it. maybe you're delusional, maybe you're hallucinating, maybe it's a dream. you're still not missing the opportunity to kiss someone you've had a crush on since middle school.

"yeah, a direct kiss sounds great, actually."

all the times hanbin has taken your breath away metaphorically, with something he did or said, could never compare to this one.

"so you like me too?"

"no, i just kissed you for shits and giggles," you roll your eyes "of course! i've liked you since you gave me a pencil when we were twelve!"

"oh," well, now he's going to think you're some kind of creep, great job yn! "well, that's nice. since i did that because i liked you,"

"wait, you liked me before i liked you?"

"i mean, i didn't know you had feelings for me until… today, actually. on that note," he takes his phone out of his pocket "do you know why chaehyun told me, and i quote, 'if you keep up this search for yn's crush you're going to get your feelings hurt'?"

you make a mental note to still take that detour to chae's house on your way home.

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☆ note: RAHHHHH THEY KISSED WE CHEERED . why does hanbin kind of have w rizz now what happened . btw this is almost as long as the ricky one shot but instead of taking me 3 weeks to write this took me 30 minutes . worms in the brain fr . btw yes i accidentally posted this while editing the draft🧍

☆ SYNOPSIS: sung hanbin is everyone's dream guy: perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect personality, he has it all. he's even class AND student council president! everyone loves him, and you, as his vice-president, are no exception to that. having been in love with him since you were 12, you try to tone down your feelings "for the sake of professionalism" and claim it's simple admiration for someone who objectively has no flaws. but there is one small detail you missed, in all these years admiring him: he has an even bigger crush on you.

☆ TAGLIST: (italics = couldn't tag)(had to remove even more ppl bc tumblr is being a bitch ,, sorry) @hananovi @soobeaniee @idkwatodoanymore @huipinkhair @homohoons @sunnyglower @lethalvenus @sunoksunny @tocupid @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @winteringdream @ikeryn @ilovechanhee @thesiriusmap @hee-lanat @baekstans @blaycke @vernonfernandez @8turning @yeolsbestie @asteroidchenle @hvnyujiq @hikyeom @r4innoms @enhypen-scholarship @sulkygyu @meowrinz @rikimylove @ridinhyuck @lumixen @neohyxn @ceanairy @beomibeom @cherriegyu @sunwcloud @k4hzuhas @annoyingbitch83 @stickersim @dreamyyn @anawesomeaquatic @softforjungwoo @utopiakys @247hrs @sunswoonie @minhui896 @chanhee-hee @nxurxn @peachysohn @garaaaaaaaaa @haesunflower

[satureja13]

(Poll below)

Jack logged out from his Therapy Game and he couldn't be happier. Tiny Can did a very good job. Though, he'll have to have a word with Tiny Can and the goats about that BL content. But maybe he's supposed to start a romance with Lou to forget about Kiyoshi?

Saiwa is so happy that Jack didn't feel the pain from his rash ingame :3 So it seems that the feelings from ingame do not effect their life here (like Vlad's ingame hunger) and the feelings and sensations from out of the game won't necessarily affect their characters ingame. Poor Vlad is torn. He's happy that Jack's therapy went so much better than his own playtest, but he's afraid to send Ji Ho in the game. What if he really is going to marry Caleb? But he can't be selfish. Ji Ho deserves his therapy. And if it helps Ji Ho, he will survive it too.

Jack: "So Sai, my friend. When will you go to your therapy?" Sai: "Uhm..." Saiwa is hesistant. He's their leader and should have been the first to check the Therapy Game and if it's safe for the others, but he's not ready yet to face his problems. And that's fine. The door to change can only be opened from the inside. (This quote is written on the wall at the front desk of my psychiatrist. Another one says 'Change needs time'.)

Jack: "I'm just kidding. I bet no one can stop Ji Ho from checking out now if he's really Caleb's bride! Right, Ji Ho?" Ji Ho laughs a bit nervous: "A haha, yes. Can't wait." Of course Ji Ho can't wait. Caleb is the dream of each of them (well, except Vlad's). But he also knows this will hurt Vlad.

Vlad has to leave to care for Jeb and Kiyoshi. They quickly charge the Bond and Vlad tries to let Ji Ho know through the Bond that he's ok with whatever happens in the Therapy Game. But he's not even fooling Diablo...

Ji Ho is torn. Is it really ok to hurt Vlad's feelings when it's necessary for his therapy and well being?

Ji Ho asked Jack and Sai what they would do. Jack thought about it too. But he does not have a partner right now so he's up for it should Lou hit on him. Saiwa agrees that Ji Ho should go for it. It's just a game after all and NPC Caleb is not the real Caleb. Nothing is real in the Therapy Game.

Jack: "So, it would be ok for you if Jeb had a boyfriend ingame?" Saiwa hisses and Jack realized that he went to far. Jack: "This isn't as easy a decision as it seems, huh."

It's time to go to bed. They are tired but Jack is still happily chatting about the game and they are glad it went so well for him. And even though they saw some scenes on the screen, they listen. It wasn't possible to watch everything anyway. Jack had been away for a few hours and they took turns to watch over him. And it's interesting to hear how it had been for Jack and how he experienced his Therapy Game.

If Ji Ho's therapy goes well too, Saiwa will try it. One day they will have to return back home to the others and he'd better be prepared to face Kiyoshi and Jeb again. He misses Jeb so much it hurts. But he has no idea how they are supposed to get over this fake realtionship he had with Kiyoshi. Even though they both agreed to it because they had no choice.

'May the ghosts that howled round the house at night Never keep you from your sleep May they all sleep tight down in hell tonight Or wherever they may be

As I walked on with a heavy heart then a stone danced on the tide And the song went on though the lights were gone And the North wind gently sighed

And an evening breeze coming from the East That kissed the riverside So I pray now child that you sleep tonight when you hear this lullaby

May the wind that blows from haunted graves never bring you misery May the angels bright watch you tonight And keep you while you sleep'

Lullaby of London - The Pogues (Such a beautiful song. Shane McGowan, the head of the Pogues, died November last year but he left us all his beautiful music. He was so gifted.)

Outtakes

A screenshot from the Therapy Game and a photo of Jack, 'The Pioneer' ^^'

Because no way we're having a normal meal where we all stay sit at the table and have a normal meal together -.-

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28