#he dies and yet is still standing there. he's erased but you can still talk to him

[eyepatchdate]

also im soooo mad that belle, standing across from polendina, is like. 'im going to live to honor his death'. they are polar opposites and im sad about it

[thedreamlessnights]

Give The Devil His Due - pt. 1

Gale x F!Reader

{part 2}

Warnings and Tags: Major BG3 Ending and Epilogue Spoilers. Mentions of death, the use of the Netherese orb, grieving/loss. Deal with a Devil. Angst with a happy ending.

Synopsis: After Gale sacrifices himself to save Faerûn, his soul resides in a place out of reach of mortal magic. Not out of reach of immortal magic, though.

Word Count: 2.8k

It’s not like you to linger at the edge of a party, and - gods. Especially not one like this.

In every respect, this night should be fantastic. Friends are all around, there's wine and lively music, and you’re the closest thing to happy that you’ve been in the last six months.

Yet here you are, hovering on the sidelines, feeling like there’s a hole cut into your chest. No, this isn’t much like you, but you haven’t truly been yourself since the day you lost Gale.

He should be here, you keep thinking. He should be at your side, making awful puns, looking handsome as ever. Missing him is a constant, now, but the pain has flared into agony tonight. It feels like it’s splitting you in two. You can barely stomach the wine.

You’ve done your dues, of course. Greeted your companions, hugged your fair share, and talked briefly about life. Still, the pity in everyone’s eyes had felt like salt in your very open wound, and now you don’t trust yourself to make conversation without crying.

Which leaves you to wander around with your wine, trying not to feel like every bit of this familiar camp is a dagger between your ribs. Judging by the way you can’t seem to breathe, it doesn’t seem to be working.

And then, mid-sip of wine, you look up and there he is. Gale of Waterdeep, with Tara at his side.

You’re no stranger to these hallucinations; you’ve experienced them nearly every day since his sacrifice. A flash of Gale in the crowds, a hint of his face in strangers, the ghostly feeling of him pressed against you on the coldest nights.

But those had been different. In your previous sightings, he’d vanished just as soon as he’d appeared. This Gale is here, standing off to the side of Withers’ party, flickering with magic. No matter how many times you shut your eyes, he’s still there when you open them again.

It isn’t him. You know it isn’t. You’ve seen his magical projections before. Still, Gale must have made this. And, aside from the glowing eyes and outline, it’s a dead-on replication of him. Having one of his creations so near, so very like him, is enough of Gale’s presence to make your knees feel weak.

When you approach, the form speaks. You barely hear it. Your hands are shaking so badly that your wine sloshes out of the glass and onto your clothing. You finally let it fall, not sparing as much as a glance toward it, even when you feel it splash against your boots.

Gale, or this image of him, is your sole focus. Everything else, stains included, is irrelevant.

“I am a magical projection of Gale of Waterdeep,” the false Gale is saying. It takes a moment for you to process the distorted tone, the muffled voice you remember so very well.

A projection. Just as you’d known.

“If you see this manifestation,” he continues, “that means I have prematurely perished.”

You know this spiel, too. You’d seen it after a terrible moment where Gale had died post-ambush in the Shadowlands. It had given a complicated set of instructions to revive him. You’d know this speech in your sleep.

The next words are different from the usual, though.

“Alas, on this occasion, I appear to have been erased from this plane in both soul and substance, so the usual protocol for revivification cannot be followed.”

Something twists internally. Painful. Sharp. Not that you’d had any hope, but… hearing it is like this so much worse. You swallow hard, suddenly wishing you hadn’t dropped your wine, but the damned thing is still talking.

“I am, however,” the projection continues, “available for the duration of this spell to assist with the tying of any loose ends related to my recent departure from mortality.”

Those words feel like a harsh kick to the ribs. Gale is dead, and what he’d left behind is insurmountable grief, not loose ends. The weight in your chest is loss, not something that can be mended by a quick word or brief spell.

And yet, your mouth moves of its own accord. “Revivification?” you find yourself asking. Anything to hear more of his voice, even marred as it is.

“Indeed,” he replies. “A series of elegantly designed failsafes to be executed in order to reverse the occurrence of my unexpected but impermanent demise.”

The mild taste in your mind sours. Gale’s death had been unexpected, yes. But not impermanent. You know that. Still, you nod as he further explains, clinging on to every trace, every syllable, every detail of him.

He goes on: “As I am unable to detect any trace of my existence in reach of mortal magic, however, such a protocol would in this instance be destined to fail.”

But of course. Mortal magic. Surely Mystra could bring him back if she wanted to, but his death is far too convenient for her, isn't it? To have Gale out of her mind, no longer nagging her?

You can't think of a single thing to say in response that isn't plain cruel.

The projection pauses at your silence, then proceeds on. “The good news is, I am here precisely to assist in cushioning that heaviest of blows.”

You fail to bite back a laugh hearing that. It spills from your lips like tar, dark and sticky; the sound is pained, but it bubbles up through your chest all the same. It’s so like Gale, to think he’s worth so little that a mere projection could somehow aid in his loss.

The next thing the projection says, however, renders you completely and utterly speechless.

“I have been entrusted with the delivery of a letter to be read by the one who loved me most,” he announces. “I hope these words do something to ease the tragedy of my untimely and honestly quite unexpected passing.”

Gods, you think. A letter. Had Gale left something behind that you’d missed? Had he set this up in advance, knowing this might be the outcome?

The projection conjures up a pouch very similar to the one you’d seen when you’d had to revive him all that time ago, and it gently floats over to you until it’s within reach.

The moment it meets your hands, you can swear that a shiver of magic runs through your fingers. Sharp tingling, the scent of rosewater, a flash of Gale’s smile in your mind’s eye.

How could you ever have let him go? How could you, despite his insistence, have let him sacrifice himself that way? Even more than loss, you feel self-hatred. You feel regret, anger, despair.

Gale is gone. All that's left of him is the objects he’d left behind. They’re nothing at all in comparison to him.

“With that,” the projection says, interrupting your thoughts, “I’m afraid my spell is waning. Is there anything else you need of me, before I blink out of existence?”

Yes, you think. Yes, don’t go, stay here with me - even if you aren't him.

And like a complete fool, your treacherous body reaches out to this projection of him, false as he is, and tries to kiss him.

Your lips meet nothing but air. Nothing but that same shiver of magic you’d felt when touching the pouch, so undeniably Gale.

The projection stares at you for a moment, something like sadness in his eyes, and steps just the slightest bit closer. “I can see why I loved you,” he says.

With a burst of light, the projection fades into nothing but the flickering remnants of magic, shimmering in the air like stars in the deep velvet sky.

The immediate, immense grief that possesses you brings you to your knees.

After the night with the projection, two words stay with you.

Mortal magic.

Gale is beyond the reach of mortal magic. But the projection hadn't said anything about magic beyond mortal reach.

So, you do what Gale had done best: you research.

Your grief turns obsessive. You toss and turn through the nights, unable to sleep. You’ve been staying in Gale’s tower in Waterdeep, but the echoes of his presence prove too much, and you soon find a place nearby - close enough to visit when you’d like, but distanced enough to remove yourself when you need.

There’s only so many times you can listen to Morena crying for her son before it feels like it’s suffocating you.

When you finally find what you’ve been looking for - after blood and sweat and tears, bargaining, crying, pages and pages of research, and countless sleepless nights - it almost doesn't feel real.

But there’s a summoning scroll that’s warm in your hands, and it’s real enough that when you open it and read the words, the scent of cinnamon and honey fills the room. Within seconds, a familiar figure is materializing before you.

Tall. Smug. Wreathed in hellfire that slowly fades away.

“My, my,” he purrs, his gaze trailing over you from head to toe. “The Savior of Baldur’s Gate, calling my name. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Your eyes narrow. “We both know that it wasn't me who saved the city, Raphael.”

The crown’s power is so potent that you can almost see it: a flickering aura around him, present even in the curve of his cutting smile. It’s true, then. He’d fished the Netherstones out of the river and recrafted it. If Gale had been the one to wear it…

“Perhaps,” Raphael replies. “But seeing as you currently hold the title, I thought it appropriate.”

You’ve been planning this out for weeks now, but your planned speech turns to ash in your mind. “I want him back,” you say instead.

“Him?” Raphael repeats, perching his hand under his chin. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be a touch more specific-”

“Gale,” you cut in. You’re in no mood for his games. “I want Gale back. Alive.”

Poorly-masked delight crosses over the devil’s features. You doubt he’s really trying to hide it, though. “And what could you possibly offer me that I don't already possess?”

“My soul.”

Your voice shakes a little as you say it, betraying you, but you’re more sure about this than anything else. No one will miss you like Gale is missed. You have no family left behind to mourn you, no tower full of unfinished research, no tressym to ache for the warmth of your lap.

Whatever the cost, you want Gale back. With the crown, Raphael has the power to do that.

But he simply tilts his head back and laughs. “I’m afraid I’ve… outgrown those kind of deals,” he says.

A small shard of fear slices through your gut. You hadn't considered anything else, but what could you give him that’s any worse than your soul?

You fold your arms across your chest and hold his gaze, ignoring the way your eyes desperately yearn to flit away. “What do you want, then?”

“Now that is the question,” Raphael muses, holding up a hand and giving it a loose twirl. “I’ve always had a fondness for humans. Such spirit; such devotion! You’re hailed as the hero of the city, yet here you are - offering me your soul. All in exchange for someone who, if I’m not mistaken, chose to sacrifice himself.”

Red-hot anger flares in your chest. There are a thousand things you could say, but you force yourself to swallow them down. You only have one chance at this.

“Yes,” you reply softly. “The someone who made it possible for you to retrieve the Crown of Karsus.”

“True,” Raphael admits, lifting a brow. “His sacrifice was useful, I suppose.”

You wait for him to go on, but he doesn't. Instead, he sits and watches you the way a lion watches its prey. Patient. Tense. Waiting for its reward.

“Raphael-”

“I’ll... consider what you’ve said,” he interrupts, straightening up and flashing you a smile. “Until then, I suggest sitting tight. What a waste it would be for the hero of Baldur’s Gate to waste away in grief, hm?”

He snaps his fingers, and as soon as the sound has hit your ears, he's dissolving into a burst of flame. You’re left with nothing.

You’ve been left with that more often than not, lately.

What would a devil want if not a soul?

It's the question you keep pondering time and time again. Raphael had laughed at your offer, but he hadn't turned you down flat. He’d said he would consider your proposition.

You aren't even sure what it is you'd proposed.

That he bring Gale back simply because his death had allowed Raphael to access the crown? That he do you some form of favor because of his admiration for humans?

You know enough of devils to know there is always a cost, but what exactly is it? What greater offering is there than a soul?

It’s the thought that keeps you up at night as the months roll by, plagued by insomnia. What could he possibly want from you that would prove more valuable? All you can do is wait for Raphael’s return, but the waiting is agony. Whatever his response, he’s in no hurry to give it. And in the meantime, you’re still forced to live without Gale.

The one year anniversary of the city being saved is a celebration for most. For you, it marks one year from the worst day of your life. That scene still plagues you most nights. Gale, insisting he sacrifice himself. Teleporting you and the others to safety. A flash of light. The tadpole, disintegrating in your brain.

And the worst part: the emptiness afterward. Knowing he was gone. No joy. No relief. Just numbness. A neverending loss.

The days afterward were a blur. Finding his pack. Gathering his things. Giving Tara and Morena the news.

You hadn't had the strength to look at his possessions for months, and when you had, your findings had made it so much worse.

A small ring, fitted for your finger. A note, written with clumsy handwriting. Addendums scrawled on the sidelines. Phrases scribbled out, and rewritten. A rehearsal for a marriage proposal he’d never gotten to give.

Gods, the loss you’d felt. The self-hatred.

It’s unbearable. It's what you keep thinking to yourself - that all of this is so unbearable.

It’s even what you’re thinking in the middle of the library in Gale’s tower, Morena at your side and Tara at your feet, mourning your losses. The three of you are so caught up in grief that you nearly miss the swirling oval of purple light that appears in the middle of the room.

It’s unbearable. And then, as your eyes lock onto the portal, it’s suddenly not.

Purple light begins to swirl through the room. Your limbs go cold. From head to toe, electricity seems to course through you - soaking into skin, into veins, almost painful. Even before anything happens, you simply know that something is either incredibly right or incredibly wrong.

Then Gale Dekarios stumbles out of the portal as if shoved, gasping for air, his hand placed over his chest, and the room goes silent.

Your heart starts racing so fast, you’re half sure it’s going to explode. Tara lets out a yowl that could rupture an eardrum. Morena freezes in place, practically a statue, not seeming to believe what she’s seeing.

Gale is here, and alive, and seemingly unharmed.

He’s dressed in his classic purple wizard robes. His earring is in place, as always. Beautiful grey streaks in dark hair. Warm brown eyes. Almost exactly the same as he’d looked when you’d first met him.

The only thing missing is the orb in his chest.

Your body moves automatically. Your hands reach for his face and find warm skin - real Gale, your Gale - and your mouth meets his the way you’ve longed for the last year.

Against your lips, Gale lets out a soft sound of surprise. You’re so happy to see him, to touch him, that you have to fight off the urge to melt into his arms. But as soon as you’ve pulled away, you know something is wrong.

His brows are pinched together in confusion. He’s not pulling you close. And, as you stare up at him, he lets out a shaky breath. Perplexion, not relief. Not desire. Not love.

You take a small step back.

“Mr. Dekarios, surely you can do better than that,” Tara chides, perching herself on a table beside him.

“Tara?” he breathes, glancing at her. His eyes turn back to you, and it’s like your lungs won’t quite get air. “I, er - forgive me,” he starts. “Do we… know each other?”

And all at once, as your heart tears into a thousand tiny pieces, you know Raphael’s cost.

[ender-cloud]

NEW UPDATE AND OH OK UM ONE MOMENT THERES A LOT TO UNPACK HERE

Tgs spoilers undercut

Ok, ok, ok! Im currently ill so my minds a little bit scattered and I woke up really late today because I needed the rest, so im posting this a little late but oh my hod!!

Ok, ok ok ok! So!

Hyde is having the same problem Jekyll did before he passed out and I think this could mean 2 things.

When Jekyll was having this issue Hyde was going into the back of the mind, which is exactly what Jekyll is doing right now trying to erase himself, does this truly make it so Hyde will die with Jekyll?

Now now, Lyn wonders if Jekyll is wanting to kill Hyde but I don’t believe he does. I think Jekyll wants Hyde to suffer but he made his intentions seem very clear. He wanted Hyde to go mad without him as he is sent to Jail because of the crimes he’s committed in the past. Also I don’t think Jekyll knows that he’s possible of killing Hyde.

Fritz beought up that Sage said that if Hyde dies then Jekyll will go back to normal. But that might not have the same effect on Hyde.

Hyde stems from Jekyll and the only reasoning why Jekyll was affected before was because Hyde was pulling him down. Forcing Jekyll to go with him which Jekyll isnt trying to do to Hyde.

Thank you lyn and Fritz for what you found out while I was asleep

Hyde isnt an organic human, but just a product of Jekyll, and it brings up if the host (Jekylls body/Jekyll) dies then what will it do for Hyde’s life. Jekyll most likely dosent know he’s killing Hyde by killing himself but it is just a side effect

But I would also argue that it might not be, for one, when it was happening to Jekyll it was way worse, he was grabbing his chest in pain and was barley even able to stand, Jekyll is the host body who wouldn’t have died if Hyde did, so shouldn’t it be 10 times worst for Hyde?

It also brings up Hyde’s anxiety, in this moment hyde is scared from being left alone and is terrified that Lanyon has found him like this. The pounding of his heart could be a start of a panic attack instead of a sign that Jekyll is killing him.

Either way, a full blown Panic attack would be an interesting thing to see Hyde experience in front of Lanyon and show how more of an exposure to to the real world is effecting him. If Hyde is going to die from Jekyll, I dont think it’s happening just yet

Ok ok! Now to the dialogue

Hyde trying to still show he’s tough even though it’s obvious in his face he’s lost, scared, panicked. He’s keeping up his persona but he looks like he is going to break soon.

He is just as emotionally vulnerable as Jekyll and he needs his reputation as much as Jekyll desires his

ALSO LANYON TREATING HYDE AS A PERSON FINALLY???? He seems to have accepted that Hyde and Jekyll are the same person, bringing up a memory he had WITH JEKYLL while saying YOU to hyde.

While Jekyll and Hyde arent the same people, it is a start. It’s almost like he’s trying to reach out to Jekyll in Hydes mind, but Jekyll may be far to gone

Haha, oh Jekyll would, now now, before we get into the story it makes me wonder if Lanyon thinks this was Jekyll’s Hyde showing which is why he brought it up, he dosent exactly know what part of Jekyll he was always talking to.

Woah, Jekyll not wanting to lie to the people who have been nice to him, crazy Idea! /j I just giggled at a stupid joke

I do find it interesting how Jekyll has changed from back them, not fully, he was still desperate to get people to aprove of him, a people pleaser at heart. Yet now, Jekyll is a lot more willing to let a “little” lie slide under the rug if it means he can still keep his reputation up.

He is still a people pleaser and seeing it when he was younger shows why he decided to remove Hyde from himself.

Also jekyll is literally on his knees begging for this simple chance that Lanyons parents wont even find out about, he is truly just desperate to be liked and accepted.

Lanyon is really smart, as seen, but is holding himself back because he wants it to seem that he dosent need his fathers approval or attention but is instead is proving how much his father floods his mind.

He’s not doing this for himself, he is doing it to spite his father, trying to go against Him, not because he dosnet care about school or what people think, but instead Because he cares too much. He is trying to trick himself into thinking it dosnet Matter but it does matter to him what his father thinks.

Also Jekyll being so scared of being called a monster shows how even from the beginning he didn’t like the hyde part of himself and how he really just wanted to be accepted, he doesn’t want to be perceived as a monster even after all of these years he just wants to be liked

This story of the past dosent seem to be over yet so we’ll have to wait until next week for the rest

[ladyvictory22]

I'll Be Back

Another championship under his belt, and Christian couldn't be happier and prouder. It had taken him a lot to get to where he was, almost eight years to feel the glory once again, yet he still felt a kind of dissatisfaction, as if something wouldn't let him be completely happy... perhaps because it had been too easy? Or because there were no rivals?

The views from his hotel room were pleasant. He had just returned from celebrating with the team. Even though some rivals were now emerging, it didn't feel the same... there was no pressure, just jokes... laughter... he feared becoming complacent.

His phone rang, and when he looked at the screen, his expression changed. He had probably just summoned the missing piece... a name that rarely appeared on his phone... well, not since 2021... it lit up on his screen, "Toto."

"Well, what a surprise," he said with his usual sarcasm, trying to hide his surprise.

"I thought it was appropriate to congratulate you since I wasn't there," Toto said from the other end.

"It would seem like it was on purpose... you could have done that operation before Singapore," Christian said.

"Maybe... although the fall wasn't intentional," Toto joked.

"You didn't want to see me win," Christian taunted.

"That's the thing, I never want to see you win, just like you never wanted me to win for years," Toto said, always honest.

"Still, I always congratulated you," Christian said indignantly. "I congratulated you admiringly..."

"I am congratulating you... that's why I called... I just don't fake joy and 'admiration,'" Toto said, throwing a dart.

"So why the call?" Christian asked.

"Cordiality, Christian... politics... have you forgotten that at the top?" Toto teased.

"You could have done it in front of the media then," Christian said bitterly.

"Why bother if there's no relationship... that's what you said," Toto retorted.

"What?... I didn't say..." Then he remembered. "But that was almost two years ago... no one remembers that..."

"I haven't forgotten it.... time may pass, but your words won't be erased," Toto said, and they fell silent for a while; the conversation had suddenly become too deep.

"So it bothers you... is that why you've kept your distance?... is that..." Christian didn't finish his sentence because Toto interrupted.

"Why would I come looking for you if you don't want to engage with me? If it's just about the track, then it'll stay on the track... I don't need to get close... although you have Zack or Fred as rivals now, you can joke with them all you want; their presence doesn't bother you," Toto said, sounding hurt.

"Rivals have emerged, but..."...'they are not you' He was going to say, but the words died in his throat.

"But?" Toto asked, and then there was another silence, only a faint breath could be heard... it could have been many minutes or just half a minute; Christian didn't know.

"It's not the same," he broke the silence.

"Of course not, it's never the same, it depends on where you stand in the championship too, and your confidence..." Toto said, being practical, ignoring feelings, talking about the job.

"No... I mean... it's like a missing piece... something..." Christian said, half-embarrassed, trying to hide the obvious.

"It's different when it's not you," Toto finally said, and Christian didn't say anything; he was in shock. "It's not the same feeling the pressure on Mercedes knowing that Mercedes is fighting... knowing that you're there, putting pressure... it's different fighting against the car itself... against yourself."

Christian sighed... he didn't expect to hear these words from Toto. "It doesn't feel the same if there's no pressure... if someone isn't there, being a thorn in your side."

"Yeah, when there's no competition... you don't really experience the sport," Toto said.

"Will you come back?" Christian asked without thinking.

"Have you grown tired of playing alone?" Toto teased.

"Answer me," Christian ignored the taunts.

"If the car performs well in next year's test, then yes," Toto said, and it wasn't a convincing answer for Christian.

"You don't sound determined," he said.

"It happens to anyone after two years," Toto said; there was a brief silence, and Christian responded.

"It doesn't happen to Toto Wolff... at least not the one I know," Christian said.

"People change..." Toto began with the typical speech.

"Don't lie... will you come back? Yes or no?" Christian interrupted. Toto let out a sigh... but Christian knew he was smiling.

"Look, I still owe that eighth title to Lewis, and no matter what it takes... I'll be a thorn in your side again if necessary," Toto said with a smile, and Christian looked at the city with a glimmer of hope for that rivalry to return.

----

in your consideration @silvereds

[variousqueerthings]

This is what happens when you travel alone for too long

It's A Town Called Mercy, also known as "the one people say is super duper good in season 7" or "oh it's V for Vendetta but a Western"

and... yeah it's pretty good. I feel like it's one I cannot help comparing to other stories like it, and I'm not sure if it manages as much as they do, but I'm going to sit with it for a bit, and in the meantime! Ranking!

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 3/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 8/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 5/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 4/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 7/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 5/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 4/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 3/10

FULL RATING: 59/100 (if I can count….)

it's the politics that got this one. that and... the Ponds are still just kinda there this season. and other stuff. ah well, it's not terrible, on the whole

OBJECTIFICATION: Listen, there is none. not an off-colour joke, not an ogle, not a strange costume choice

there's not a lot of women in this story generally, Amy is kind of the only one who matters, and this one little girl who's in two scenes and doesn't have any lines, but I think that's something we'll get to later on when discussing this

PLOT-POINT: Eh, Amy doesn't really matter so much in this, apart from the scenes where she calls out the Doctor, which isn't really her, so much as him. it's not even a complaint as such, but I do still wonder... if this is a sign that maybe her story should have ended in The God Complex, since we're three episodes into s7 and she's not got much to do for her own story

COMPLEXITY: it's a good setup, town in the Wild West, beset by a gunslinger from space, because they're harbouring an alien war criminal who has since been repenting by healing their sick and bettering their lives generally

it's there to open the doors to discussions on morality

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: ah soooo, there's stuff here about the Doctor, subtextually, and I appreciate that it didn't do what God Complex did and spell it out so much (even though God Complex is still The episode of all time for this era)

the alien the Doctor has to choose to protect or throw to the gunslinger killed a lot of people in order to stop a war -- okay wait, before I go more into that as "see, like the Doctor," I have a question. has the show added the lore that it's the Doctor that killed the Timelords yet? because I don't think that comes up until later

we have last of the Timelords, we have the stuff at End Of Time where he sends Rassilon/Gallifrey back, but I think... that the Doctor pressed a big button and they all died is the 50th anniversary, no?

point being, one can begin to have a little wonder if this works for oneself or not, in terms of lore. 2005 nu!who established all the Timelords are dead, so far so good, End Of Time the Doctor sends the Timelords back to die, because allowing the Time War out would kill everyone, okay, the Doctor killed everyone... is an interesting thing I haven't thought much about until this moment. and then later on ofc (Chibnall era) we're getting the Doctor is in fact the most special Time Lord, the OG who through experiments gave the others time travel and was then force regenerated and had their memory wiped

it's an interesting thing, all this lore... it adds a lot of baggage to a story about a loser alien who's just out to experience the Universe (and who in the nu!who era is a war survivor with PTSD). in the classic!who series the Doctor is already an outsider, because the other Timelords think they're a fucking weirdo (simplification), and while I think -- biased because my era -- that nu!who made a good choice to have the Time War, so that it could strip away some lore and gradually re-introduce it to a new audience, perhaps we're getting... a teensy bit unwieldy here, in terms of who the Doctor is

that is more of a question to myself than an assertion. in any case, in this episode, war criminal, doing penance, nothing is too heavy-handed in playing into the Doctor that one cannot take it as one wants to, arguably the more obvious thing is the Doctor saying "today I honour the victims first, his, the Master's, the Daleks," which is fun, considering the last time we met the Master, the Doctor was desperately trying to get him to stay, because well... last of their species + the Master and the Doctor are Some Kinda Way about each other, so it's considering the fact that when the Doctor tries to hold an "everyone's lives have equal importance" morality constantly, this has had adverse effects on... victims of violence (especially with regards to the Master), and being the judge on this is no good, but also who is the Doctor to judge who deserves to die, etc.

there's also a question about the Doctor travelling alone (Amy says this) becoming more ruthless in exacting things like punishment

COMPANIONS MATTER: well sort oooof, Amy is mostly there to give another point of view to the Doctor's, especially with relation to "can i say that some people need to die," but I'm not convinced that couldn't have been done with someone else in the story, perhaps by refocusing the importance of the child, since there's that whole VO that's talking about her great-grandmother who was there... idk, they're not... really doing much in the story beyond that, especially Rory (who seems kind of fine with them sending this guy out for execution, and that is never explored)

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: nah, I think this episode did relatively well on having this be quite a Doctor-focused episode, without making the Doctor solve everything (or indeed... anything)

there's this bit that Jex the war criminal say: Looking at you Doctor is like looking into a mirror. There’s rage there like me, guilt like me, solitude, everything but the nerve to do what needs to be done. Thank the gods my people weren’t relying on you to save them

and I can see that's meant to be a bit of an Anti-Doctor moment -- the Doctor is not the great saviour that so many previous episodes have set them up to be in this era, the Doctor is a hypocrite, a coward, etcetc.

IIIII am not sure if.... oof, this is subjective. the idea of this as a continuity of exploring the Doctor's inability to save everyone, and need to be in control of situations, and "honouring the victims" there's just something about this episode that doesn't quite emotionally land for me, and I will continue to try and figure out what. the point being, it's meant to be a strong character piece, but I'm not sure it manages it

I'm also highly dubious in an episode that's exploring the Doctor's morality and what he's all about, about why the Doctor never asks the victim's name or background or... just anything really. but we'll get to that in politics

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: here's some of the "crux" of why I'm not sure it manages it, and it's more to do with "previous Doctor Who episodes of this era," than classic!who

in the sense of continuity of emotional journey. I think it's that seasons 1-specials had one long clear arc, one can pinpoint on the whole why the Doctor goes from s1ep1 to The End Of Time. and I'm not convinced that this episode works in this era, because I don't see that same arc in this era

maybe Twelve's era, from what I've heard of it, which deals with a lot of repercussions of having gone too far with things and not knowing if they're actually doing good on the whole, etc.

the main "big" arcs of this era have been 1. the relationship between the Doctor and Amy, a woman whose life he changed forever due to meeting her as a child and breaking a promise to her, which affected her entire upbringing and bent her towards the Doctor in an unhealthy way 2. the relationship between the Doctor and River Song, who is Amy's child and was kidnapped after being born and "brainwashed" into wanting to kill him, only to fall in love, but also if one takes this idea to its actual natural conclusion in conjunction with point the first, the Doctor's continued influence on Amy Pond continuing to be disruptive to the point that her child's entire life is even more (in fact solely one might say) in orbit around the Doctor, and never has the chance to break free from that destructive influence 3. some shit about a prophecy and a question and blabla, that has about zero emotional weight

there haven't really been stories about the Doctor's morality, so much as the Doctor's far more personal relationships, again The God Complex did this soooo well by introducing Rita as a possible companion and her rejecting the Doctor's whole schtick

so while technically this episode is fine as concept, I don't think it's grounded in an emotional continuity, which is a shame. give it to Twelve! watch Capaldi have these emotions!

“SEXINESS”: can you believe, a whole episode without a single sexy joke? wow, a rarity.

INTERNAL WORLD: so it's a Western town, it doesn't neeeed to be that fleshed out I guess, but I do feel like I wish the townsfolk were a bit more than just quaint set-dressing

we hear about Jex the war criminal's influence on this town, but we don't really see it

the Doctor even says to the gunslinger "this is their home, not the backdrop for your revenge," but it doesn't feel like anything but a stereotypical Western township, which is a shame

POLITICS: HA okay the other point where I am not 100% sure about this episode. it has good intentions, is my first point, it's not like it sets out to make conservative points or needlessly sexually harass Queen Nefertiti (sighs at prev episode)

buuuuuuut I just rewatched V for Vendetta a couple of weeks ago, as is the ritual on Guy Fawkes Night, and it's a very similar story, although ofc in V for Vendetta they're experimented on for far more nefarious purposes than "winning a war"... or are they. because that is my point, and maybe it's a pedantic one that a single 45min episode couldn't possibly have the time for, which is that a society/government that allows this sort of violence is "ends justify the means" and these types of governments are always at war in their heads

the idea of a neat divide between peace-time politics which are free to be nice, and war-time politics which necessitate the hard choices is simply not reality, and so the conceit that there was simply nothing else he could do but experiment on people and turn them into killing machines, it's... on shaky grounds

and it's kind of dependent on those grounds to work, because not only is this guy now repenting by doing good, the ends justified the means. they ended the war! millions were saved! (now where have I heard that before about an atom bomb?)

on top of that, the gunslinger isn't really as well-developed. who was he before he was experimented on? what did being forced to kill do to him? did he have friends on the experimenting tables die in front of him? who is he?

it's all well and good to say "but we don't do this Doctor, every life matters, including the war criminals" but why is the war criminal so well-developed, and the gunslinger -- the victim -- not at all?

those grounds are getting shakier by the Minute

why is this story not about the victim? why does the Doctor not go to hear the victim, not in terms of figuring out whether he should give over the war criminal, but just to be kind?

there is one scene in it where the gunslinger enters a church, sees a child and leaves again, because there's a neat thing in this that the gunslinger Will Not Kill Civilians, but that's such an interesting thing that's under-explored too. what if the gunslinger had to change his programming, because the original maybe didn't make a distinction between "enemy" and "civilian" (after all in these kinds of "wars" every person is an enemy, including the children)

what if the programming fights back when he's really upset and Jex the war criminal realises that this is his fault? what if a child died in this episode... that's getting a bit messed up, but let's entertain it for a second? or a parent died protecting their child and the gunslinger has to run from the town to stop the programming -- the programming that's been forced on him through mutilation and experimentation and that violence can never be undone? what if this story was about the victim, and not about a repenting war criminal?

gunslinger, after Jex self-destructs: "He behaved with honour at the end. Maybe more than me"

DID HE???? He just felt bad really, you're the most trauma-inflicted character we've had on this show in some fucking time

so yeah, it's grounds are. shaaaaky. shaky shaky shaky the more you think about it

another minor thing is that none of the main driving characters had to be men, but there's five extra characters in this episode with lines and big-to-small arcs (marshall, jex, gunslinger, young boy, mayor-type) and everyone else is backdrop, which is just kind of... in your cool scifi Western all the women were silent? why did the little girl not get to speak?

FULL RATING: 59/100 (if I can count….)

It's a good concept, executed at the wrong time in the story, and executed very clumsily

the good parts relate to the concept itself, and not spending valuable time being massively sexist

the problem is that it's just not smart enough to explore what it's trying to explore, and it's such a heavy topic, it better know what it's doing or it'll fall flat on its face. I wish it had come at another time with better writing, because I really wish it was better

I also wish that people were more adventurous about writing women. two historical Moments this season and neither have been kind to women for different reasons

is it time for the Ponds to leave? we'll find out next episode (I say, like I don't know their arcs)

[kachikirby]

GranEssex Chronicles: Chapter 12 - Mending the Scars of Battle

Two days had passed since Meta escaped the time loop and returned to the GranEssex. Despite knowing that the Myovam was dead, he was incredibly worried about the possibility of the time loop restarting or worse, that he was still in the time loop somehow. The young soldier was constantly haunted by the sight of his dead allies. True, they weren't dead now, but different versions of them are. Who's to say that even he died on one time loop and just didn't remember it? Not wanting to worry or bother anyone with his worries, Meta locked himself in his room. This action would only make a certain someone even more worried about him. Kurabe was currently standing outside Meta's room, wondering how she should handle this.

"Hmmm... how exactly should I go about this? Perhaps I should at least try knocking first and see how he responds. Yes... then I could go from there..." She murmured to herself.

With this idea in mind, she knocked on the door.

"Meta, it's Kurabe. Do you mind if I come in to talk for a bit?" She said in the gentlest voice she could use.

No answer. Either he was asleep or ignoring her.

"Meta, if you don't answer me, I'll read your mind." She said in a stern yet still gentle tone.

Still nothing.

"I warned you, Meta."

Kurabe closed her eyes and focused on her student's mind. What she saw concerned greatly her. In Meta's mind, there was a tornado of thoughts and memories, making it impossible to decipher anything of meaning.

"I see, he's not ignoring me once purpose, he's just distracted by what's in his head. I'm sorry about this, Meta, but I'm coming in." She thought while forcing the door open.

Unsurprisingly, her student didn't even react to her presence. He only continued to lay on his bed dully and stare at the ceiling. The sight of this alone was enough to break her heart. That Myovam was lucky it was already dead, otherwise she would have done it herself. Kurabe walked over a created a bit of ice on her hand and touched Meta's head with it, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Sensei, what was that for!? And when did you get here?"

"I got here a few minutes ago and that was to knock you out of your thoughts. I called out to you, but you didn't respond, so I had to take matters into my own hands. Now, Meta, can we talk?" She asked, sitting next to him.

Meta looked unsure, but he knew Kurabe wouldn't leave him alone until this matter was settled.

"I suppose we can but, I don't even know where to begin."

"That's ok. Take your time." She said, holding his hand. "But let's start like this... does it have to do with what happened while you were with Reedy and the others on that mission?"

"Yes. Sensei, they died, and it was all my fault. The pained expressions on their faces. Seeing them fall in seconds. I can't get the visions out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I'm haunted by everything involving that mission." Meta explained, his body trembling the more he talked.

"I understand. And I told you we'll work through it to lessen the pain, right? But we can't do that if you shut yourself in your room."

"Then what do you suggest I do? The images follow me wherever I go..."

"Have you tried to distract yourself?" She asked.

"Yes, but they keep showing up!"

Kurabe became quiet. She then gave a sigh. "Meta, is it really that intrusive? I have an idea for that, but it's a last resort..."

"What is it?" Her student asked, concerned by the thought of a last resort by his mentor. "If it's anything to do with erasing my memories, then no. I... I don't want to forget what happened; I just want to move on..."

"And why don't you want to forget?"

"Because I'm the only one who fully remembers those Task Force Z members. Even if they don't exist anymore, I'm proof that they did. It's irrational, I know, but I don't want them to be forgotten."

The warrior quietly stroked his head to help him calm down.

"No, I understand that, Meta. If that's the case, the other last resort I have might be more viable... however, it involves taking you to a psychiatrist to be examined and having you be on medication."

Immediately, he frowned at that, looking even more upset.

"I'd rather not have to deal with that, sensei. I don't need medication; I just need to move on from what happened! So please, just help me! I don't want a psychiatrist, I want you!"

Admittedly, Kurabe was slightly surprised by that sudden outburst, but then her gaze softened. No, that was a reasonable reaction for a young man who spent weeks away from her and underwent such a horrible experience on that planet.

"Then, how about we spend some time together today?"

"...I wouldn't be opposed to that." He replied, happy that he wouldn't be, in his mind, abandoned and left in the care of some psychiatrist.

She nodded. "Alright then, what would you like to do then, Meta?"

"...are there any planets with libraries nearby?" He asked, hoping that partaking in some non-physical activity he enjoyed would help.

Kurabe took a moment to think.

"I believe one of the biggest libraries in the galaxy is actually quite close to where we are right now. Would you like to go there?"

"Yes, I think I would."

The warrior gave a smile. "Then let's take a starship there. I'll be quicker than taking an entire battleship."

Meta silently nodded in understanding.

---------

The trip would only take approximately thirty minutes to get to the library, though it felt much longer to Meta. To help pass the time, he decided to speak to Kurabe.

"Sensei, I have a question."

"What is it, Meta?" His mentor looked at him in concern.

"I apologize if this is insensitive, but have you lost comrades before? Stupid question, I'm aware."

"No, it's not a stupid question, Meta. However, to answer that, I have. Several of them."

"...How did you deal with it?"

"I decided that I would continue living for their sake."

Meta was silent after hearing that. He wanted to live for their sakes too, however...

"Is it strange that I'm mourning for people who are still alive? I saw them die, but they're still alive. I shouldn't be upset by what happened because it technically never did, yet I am."

"It's not strange to me. Their deaths were very real when they happened, weren't they? Then you have every right to be as upset as you are now."

"...It never gets easier, does it? Seeing those close to you die, I mean."

"No, but I hope it never gets easy. Feeling despair over someone's death means that the connections you had with them were real and that your heart is full of love. The moment you feel nothing about a close friend's death is the moment you lose that heart and become a monster. I've seen it happen to even the best of warriors. You have strong heart, Meta, and you need to make sure it stays strong."

He gave a nod. "I understand, sensei..."

"Use what happened to become stronger, Meta. Not just physically, but mentally. You've experienced firsthand an opponent that can't be beaten by strength alone. If you want to prevent this from happening again you need to expand your horizons. Thankfully, a library is a perfect place to start." She said, finishing her speech with a smile.

"Do you know what kind of books I should look up then, sensei?" He asked.

"How about we focus on choosing books that will make you feel better?"

"I'm not sure if I know what kind of book can do that, but it's worth a try." Meta smiled, glad that he was finally able to get these thoughts out. However, he had one more thought on his mind. "Sensei, you did destroy the magic symbol that caused the time loop, right?"

"Of course I did. That was one of the first things I did after I picked you up."

"So, there's no chance that I'm still stuck in a time loop, right?"

"The chances are less than zero."

"I see. I'm just worried that I'll wake up one morning and be back on Reedy's ship. I'm worrying over nothing, I realize, but I just can't help it..."

"And that's ok. However, I can guarantee that when you go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow morning, you will still be on the GranEssex."

Meta wanted to ask, "are you sure?" but he stopped himself. He had no reason to doubt her.

"Thank you, sensei."

"You're welcome, Meta. Now just know that the moment I land this ship, I'm going to hug you so much you won't be able to move."

"...Not in front of others please."

"I'll do it before we leave the ship then."

The student nodded in silence. In truth, he wouldn't mind some kind of positive interaction right now, even if it was embarrassing.

"One more thing, Meta."

The youth looked up in questioning.

"Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything. You know how much I worry about you and just want you to be happy."

"I understand, sensei."

He was happy to hear that. Even if he found her to be embarrassing at times, he was truly grateful for his mentor.

"Alright, we're about ready to land. Are you ready, Meta?"

"I am."

With a nod in response, the landing procedures for the ship began. Flashes of Reedy's crew and himself disembarking the VictoriousArc entered Meta's head and his breathing began somewhat frantic. He then felt Kurabe squeezing his hand, which had the desired effect of calming him down. Upon landing on the planet, Meta felt himself immediately being tightly hugged by his mentor. Without a single word, he returned the hug, which surprised Kurabe. She looked at him sadly, promising herself that she would make him feel better by the end of the day.

---------

After a couple of minutes, they entered the library. Meta stared in amazement at the inside. It was massive and it looked beautiful

"It looks like it goes on forever." He said, stunned by the sight.

"While it doesn't go on forever, it does go on for a while and can be a bit overwhelming at first. Now, do you have any idea what kind of books you're in the mood for, Meta?"

"A book on magic." He quickly replied.

"Then follow me." She said, taking his hand.

While he was being dragged through the library, he began to notice that there were people staring at them. The reasons why, he didn't know exactly. Could it be because Kurabe's armor stood out? Or maybe it's because they didn't expect to be so suddenly in the presence of the Lady of Shadows? Either way, he wasn't sure he liked being stared at. Growing up fighting for survival, Meta learned the importance of keeping a low profile, so a situation like this was certainly different for him.

"Meta, is something wrong?" His mentor asked.

"We're being stared at, sensei. How did you not notice?"

Kurabe shrugged. "After a while, you learn to ignore it." She then smiled. "Besides, they're more admiring us than anything."

"Us? I can understand why they would be admiring you, sensei. But me? I haven't done anything worthy of recognition yet."

"What, being my lovely, adorable, and powerful student isn't worthy of recognition?"

"Is me being your student really a well-known fact? I'm not denying my abilities, but I find it hard to believe I'm anywhere near as famous as you."

"Didn't I tell you that you're the representative of my student body? That's why you're so famous. Not only that, but I'm sure news about you defeating the Myovam might have traveled."

"It's only been two days, though."

"News travels fast, especially when a certain four eyes is in charge of spreading information."

Meta blinked in surprise. Did Reedy really credit him that much with defeating the Myovam? However, he didn't have any more time to think, as Kurabe stopped in front of a shelf of books.

"Well, here we are."

Before the two was rows upon rows of books about different types of magic. It was even somewhat overwhelming. Not knowing where to start, the youth grabbed a book at random.

"Ah, a book about magic seals. Not a bad place to start, Meta."

Kurabe grabbed a few books from the section as well and then took him to a reading area where she then sat down on one of the couches. She then motioned to her student, who sat down next to her. Meta opened the book he grabbed and was immediately sucked into it...literally. His vision turned white and when it returned, he found himself in a strange land with magic symbols all over.

"Where am I?"

"We're in the book, Meta. This book has a seal that transports the consciousness of whoever looks at it into the book itself. Think of it as a way to have an interactive learning experience." Kurabe explained.

"And how long were you going to wait until you told me that?!" He shouted back.

She only gave a cheeky smile.

"Wait, then what about our bodies?"

"Perfectly fine. You don't need to worry about something happening to us, I put up a magic barrier before I entered the book myself. And if you're worried about the time, time flows differently here. One hour in the book is about one minute in the real world."

Meta gave a nod in understanding. "So how do we get out of here?"

"Look behind you."

Doing as told, the youth spun around and saw a portal. On the other side of the portal was his and Kurabe's bodies.

"Once you're ready to leave, just step through that portal."

He nodded in response. "So, this is a learning experience, right? What do I do?"

"You see all the symbols floating in the air? Walk up to one and touch it. You'll be shown a written description of what it is and a visual demonstration of what it does."

He quietly nodded in response. Then he walked over to one of the symbols and touched it. As told, words showed up in front of him.

"The Weight Seal. Place this seal on any object or person to increase its weight. Perfect for surprise attacks and training one's body. That could be useful."

Once he got done reading a hologram of a person appeared. The hologram threw what looked like an ordinary pebble up into the air and then activated the seal, causing the pebble to fall down and crash into the ground, creating a crater. After seeing this animation, he walked over to another seal and tapped on it.

"The Time Seal!?"

The very same seal that he was a victim to. He quickly read through its description, hoping to find something that could ease his fears.

"When the seal is destroyed, presumably all damage done to prior timeliness created by the seal are reset, essentially creating parallel universes. So, wait... the Task Force in those timelines are ok then, right? If all damage is reversed, then they never died. They're still alive..."

Tears came to Meta's eyes. While his inactions got them killed, his actions saved them and every other victim. Even if the description was wrong, the idea that the ones that died are now alive brought him immense relief.

"Meta, are you ok?" Kurabe asked, walking up to him.

"I'm more than ok, sensei. I think I found a bit of closure."

His mentor placed a hand on his back. "I'm glad. Do you wish to keep learning about seals?"

"I'm... honestly not sure."

"Well, if you want an expert's opinion, I'd recommend learning all that you can. A smart warrior is a strong warrior."

He gave a nod in response and touched yet another seal.

"The Gemini Seal. A seal that separates the positive and negative aspects of the seals applicant into two bodies. Alternatively, if said applicant had split personalities, each personality would get their own body. This one doesn't seem particularly useful to me, though Tiramisu might be interested in it."

Meta then turned around to Kurabe. "Sensei, what seals do you like to use?"

"Oh, I don't use seals, Meta."

"I see, but you probably know a bit about them. What seals do you think I would benefit from?" He then squinted at her. "Also, that's a lie, sensei."

She only gave a slight giggle. "You're getting better at that. As for seals. Well, I think the Weight Seal would be perfect for your training. As for in general, the Subspace Seal would be wonderful."

He nodded. "Anything else?"

"Hmm... well there is one I suppose. It's a one-time use seal called the Numb Seal. It makes your entire body numb for a short period of time. You won't be able to feel pain, but once it wears off, you'll feel all the pain you received at once. It's useful in desperate situations. My master and myself have had to use it before some nasty battles."

He nodded in interest. "And when I say one-time use, I mean you can only apply it to your body once in your life. After you use it, your body will reject the seal. It's quite literally a last-ditch effort type of seal."

"Oooh. Ok. Anything else?"

Kurabe blinked. "You took that better than I thought you would. You must be in a really good mood now. As for other seals, the Lightning Seal. You can use it to seal lightning and use it for something later like recharging your mana."

Meta nodded.

"Well, we should probably look at the other books you picked out, sensei." He said, excited at the idea of learning as much as he could. That and the fact he would be doing it with Kurabe made him happy.

The warrior smiled at this. "It really does seem like he's feeling better already... I'm so glad..."

---------

For the next few hours, Meta learned more about magic than he ever believed possible. It was mostly thanks to Kurabe's guidance that he was able to wrap his brain around it.

"Well, Meta, what would you like to do now?"

The youth took a moment to think.

"...I'm not really sure..." He uttered.

His mentor then gave a smile. "Would you like to cuddle?"

"Sensei!" He yelled before remembering he was in a library. "Can you please not say stuff like that in public?" He quickly whispered, his entire face turning a deep red.

"Then you should start thinking of something to do." She hummed.

However, the youth could somehow tell that she was just joking...at least about saying she would talk about it in public.

"Is there a town square nearby? I feel like I should confront anything that could make me remember while I can."

"Oh, the town square is not too far from here."

He then nodded. "Ok, then show me the way."

With that exchange, they exited the library together.

---------

Once they arrived at the location, memories again flashed in his mind. Despite knowing the damage was undone, the deaths still hurt him. But he had to deal with it. He then remembered the death of the Myovam. If there's one memory he doesn't mind remembering, it was the relief he felt watching the Myovam finally die. His mentor seemed to notice this thought process and got an idea upon seeing something in the square.

"You know, Meta, some cultures believe tossing a coin into a fountain can make a wish or dream come true. Want to give it a try?" Kurabe asked, holding two coins for the both of them.

The youth hesitated for a moment, but then took the coin in his hand.

"So, do I just toss it into the fountain then?"

"You do that and then make your wish, ok?"

He nodded. The question was, what would he even wish for? Definitely not power. He wanted to become strong on his own terms and through his own efforts. Would he wish for no more death? No. As much as he hated it, death was a natural part of life and he had to accept that. Besides, if he was going to prevent death, it would be by his hands, not some magic fountain.

Kurabe seemed to notice this and looked slightly concerned.

"You can wish for anything, Meta. Love, courage, strength, it's up to you."

"I know that, sensei."

However, he then thought of a wish. He tossed the coin into the water.

"I wish that I could become stronger. Strong enough to protect everyone I care about!" He thought.

Shortly after that, Kurabe tossed her own coin in.

"What did you wish for, sensei?"

"That's a secret, Meta. They say the wish won't come true if you talk about it. Though I'll give you a hint as to what it was about."

"...it's about cuddling with me, wasn't it?" He mumbled.

"No. Now I'm not sure if I should give you a hint after all. And don't mumble." She said with a pout.

"I'm sorry, sensei." Her pout then turned to a smile.

"Well, if you mean that then I guess I can tell you. The hint is, you, Meta. Now it's up to you to figure out what my wish was."

Meta took a moment to think. Honestly, he had a vague idea what it was, but he didn't want it to not come true, so he didn't say anything.

"Besides, why would I wish to snuggle with you when I can already do that whenever I want?" She asked with a completely straight face.

Almost immediately, his face turned a dark red and he pulled his hat over his face in embarrassment. Kurabe giggled at this but stopped when she noticed Meta looking at her with eyes filled with determination.

"Sensei, I have a question. In your opinion, what does it mean to be strong? I have my own opinion, but I want to hear yours."

She nodded in response. "To me, being strong means that you can handle whatever comes your way. Not just physically fighting, but mentally as well."

"I see. Thank you, sensei."

"What about you Meta? What is the reason behind your strength?"

Meta fell quiet, thinking of the best way to phrase his answer. "I want to be strong to prove myself and to protect what matters to me. I must become stronger to prevent any more tragedies."

Kurabe smiled and hugged him, catching him off guard. "You'll become strong, Meta, I guarantee it."

He gave a small smile in response. "Thank you, sensei."

"Now with that settled, I have a suggestion for something for us to do. Besides having the largest library, this planet is known for having the largest shopping center. You might find something interesting."

While Meta wasn't that interested in shopping, his mentor's words piqued his curiosity.

"Is that true? What would I find interesting there?"

"We won't know unless we look now, won't we?" She said with a sly grin.

He nodded in understanding. "Ok, then let's go."

Kurabe smiled, but for some reason that smile carried an ominous feeling for Meta.

---------

Upon entering the shopping center, Meta's eyes widened at the interior and the size of the place. It was even larger than the library, which was already the size of a small battleship and there were so many stores he didn't know where to go.

"Well, Meta, where would like to start? I know there's weapon shop's somewhere in the middle."

"If possible, could we stop at the weapons shop first? I think I'm interested in that."

"I know, that's why I brought it up." Kurabe said with another giggle.

Meta just covered his eyes again. "Then please lead the way."

His mentor replied with a smile as she took his hand and began walking.

As they walked to the store, Meta couldn't help but notice that everyone was giving them looks again. Not looks of contempt, but of curiosity and maybe admiration. He still wasn't sure if he liked the attention or not, but he would just have to deal with it. Kurabe, meanwhile, paid zero attention to anyone that wasn't her student. He might have been feeling better but that doesn't mean that she'll stop looking after him today.

---------

Soon, they reached the store.

"Alright, we made it. I sure do wish it didn't take twenty minutes to get here, though."

Unlike the library, they had been approached by a few people during their walk. Meta looked up at the store, noting that it was surprisingly big for being inside a shopping center. The store also had all kinds of weapons on display. Spears, axes, hammers, maces, gauntlets, but what really caught his attention was the number of swords. Different styles and sizes all around him. While he preferred fighting with a broadsword, he was incredibly interested in all these other types.

"Are you looking for something, sir?"

Meta jumped a bit upon hearing that, and turned around to see presumably one of the store owners.

"I'm just browsing. Thank you." He quickly said, hoping he didn't come off as rude.

A nod in response.

"Alright, let me know if you need anything."

She then walked away. Meta resumed looking at the swords and couldn't help but notice the prices. Even just one sword from here would put a massive dent in his wallet. While he didn't care much for money, he understood the importance of saving it for things he would need like food or clothing. Noticing the somewhat dejected look in his eyes, Kurabe walked up to him.

"You know, Meta, I'll buy you any one sword you desire."

He looked surprised. "Huh? Really? Are you sure about that, sensei?"

"Of course I'm sure. Think of it as a reward for all your hard work."

The youth nodded in response. Then was the more difficult part: which one should he choose? Every blade he saw was appealing to him in some way. All of them were of excellent craftsmanship and very deserving of the high prices. Then his vision locked onto one sword in particular. A ninjato with a purple sheath and a black blade. Ninjato were typically used by members of the Bio clan among other ninja clans. He hadn't had much experience wielding one, but this blade had completely captivated him.

Kurabe seemed to notice this and gave him a smile. "Have you found something you're interested in, Meta?"

"I believe so. I would like that ninjato, please. If you don't mind."

His mentor nodded and took the sword to the register.

"Ah, the Lady of Shadows! It's been quite a while since you last visited. I trust you found everything satisfactory?" The cashier asked.

"Yes, I have, thank you. Though this time, it's my student who has found everything satisfactory, I'm sure." She said with a smile.

The clerk looked towards Meta.

"Ah, the famous Prince of Shadows. We've heard many rumors about him. Tell you what, Ms. Kurabe, I'll give you a one-time discount." The clerk offered.

"What's the catch?" She immediately asked.

"Always quick on the draw, aren't you? It's simple. I want a picture with young Meta holding the ninjato for advertisement purposes."

The youth blinked in confusion. While he did hear the offer for a discount, he was more confused about something else.

"...prince?" He asked, trying to process why he would be given such a title.

"It's what news reports have been calling you. Since you are my prized student, that makes you the Prince of the School of Shadows, just like how I am the Lady of Shadows. Newscasters give people titles all the time Meta." Kurabe explained.

"But... but do I really deserve such a title?" He uttered, slightly embarrassed.

"Of course you do! You're already handsome enough to look like a prince!" She exclaimed pinching one of his cheeks, only to have her hand be quickly grabbed in annoyance.

"Sensei, I'm not handsome! I'm training to be a fierce knight!"

"Meta, we've had this conversation before. You can be handsome and incredibly deadly." She then smiled. "Or would you rather that I call you "cute"?"

"...Handsome is fine." He mumbled.

Before the comedy routine could continue the clerk spoke up. "So do we have a deal?"

"That's up to Meta. I won't force him." She then turned to her student. "What do you think, Meta? What would you like to do?"

Meta felt conflicted. He did not enjoy attracting attention to himself, but if he could help Kurabe save some of her money it would be worth it. Taking a deep breath, the youth turned to the clerk.

"Apparently, I'm already becoming famous. So, I may as well get used to it. I'll help advertise for you."

"Splendid! Now shall we go take the photo?"

"Wait, how much is the discount? You never specified." Kurabe spoke up.

"Oh, you'll like it. It's 80% off. I guarantee the business we'll get from this advertisement will more than make up for it." The clerk clarified while getting the camera ready. "Now strike a pose, Meta! Doesn't matter what kind. Just do what comes naturally."

The youth stared, unsure of what kind of pose he should make.

"Meta, what do you usually do when you shoot lightning into the sky?" Kurabe asked, noticing how unsure her student looked.

"I point upwards. Of course the answer was so obvious."

His mentor gave a smile. "Then do that."

Meta nodded and pointed his new blade upwards. As he held it, he felt happy with his choice. Despite it being a type of blade he wasn't used to, it felt completely natural in his firm grasp.

"Alright, hold that pose please."

He immediately did and waited for the store owner to be finished.

"...and we're done. Now we just to complete the transaction and you two can get going."

The warrior nodded. "I appreciate it, and I'm sure Meta does as well."

She then noticeably looked at him, as if waiting for a response.

"Thank you..." He responded shyly.

"Oh no, thank you for allowing us to use your image to help our store!" The casher replied. "Anyway, that'll be a thousand credits."

Kurabe nodded in understanding before handing over the money.

---------

After leaving the store, the two stood once again in the shopping center.

"Now, Meta, would you like to go look in a different store, or would you like to go eat something? I'm sure you're quite hungry by now."

Now that she mentioned it, he was starting to get hungry.

"I think it's time for a meal. But you pick the restaurant sensei. We've been doing everything I've wanted to do, it's only fair if you get to decide something."

His mentor grinned. "I'll pick whatever restaurant you want to go to."

Meta stared at her. "Ok, I pick where you want to go."

His mentor pouted. "'Then I want what you want."

Meta sighed. "Fine, I'll pick something."

He then began to look around at the various restaurants in the shopping center. They seemed to serve all kinds of various food. Honestly, it was so much that he just didn't know where to go. As much as he wanted to ask his mentor, she would more than likely just say that it's his own choice. Maybe he should try a different tactic.

"Sensei, what do you like to eat?"

"Food."

So much for that. How else should he go about this?

"I'm not really sure what I'm in the mood for..." he thought to himself.

He looked at his sensei, a carefree smile on her face like normal. Maybe he should try that. Meta looked at the nearest restaurant, which was serving burgers.

"Let's go here, sensei."

"Very well then." She said, grabbing his hand and dragging him.

"Sensei, I can walk on my own." He protested.

"I know."

---------

After ordering and obtaining their food, the mentor and student sat at a table comfortably.

"So, Meta, are you having fun today?" Kurabe suddenly asked.

"I believe I am. I haven't felt this relaxed in a while. Perhaps I needed a break after what happened."

She smiled in response. "That makes me happy to hear."

"What about you, sensei?" Her student then asked.

"You already know that I'm always happy to spend time with you, Meta."

"...thank you, sensei." He replied.

"You're welcome, Meta. Now you should take your time and think about where you'd like to go next."

"No. This time I'm asking you to decide where we go next. It's only fair."

That and he truly didn't know what else he wanted to do.

His mentor, thankfully, understood this and began to think.

"Hm... how about the jewelry store... or the bookstore...?"

Truthfully, Meta was more interested in the bookstore, but he wasn't going to make Kurabe choose that.

"Well, I guess we'll go to the bookstore next." Kurabe said, clapping her hands together.

He could've sworn he saw her wink.

"She read my mind again, didn't she?" He thought to himself as he kept eating on his burger.

---------

After a few minutes of eating, he spoke up once more.

"Sensei, is it ok for me to be happy?"

His mentor blinked for a moment, but then gave a slight chuckle. "Of course it is. I understand that after a traumatizing experience you don't know how to feel. I've experienced the same feelings when I saw past comrades die in front me. But yes, you deserve to be happy and don't let yourself believe otherwise."

He gave a smile. "Thank you, sensei."

"I was wondering where you two went off to." A familiar voice said from behind them, making both mentor and student jump.

Turning around, the two puffs saw none other than Mercury standing there.

"Mercury? What are you do in here?" Kurabe asked.

"Looking for you."

"Why? I told you where would be, didn't I?"

Mercury stared at her blankly.

"...I forgot, didn't I?" The warrior asked timidly, getting a nod in response. She then immediately shrugged. "Ah, well. You're here now, so why don't you join us? Unless I'm needed for something."

"No, you're not needed, I was just curious as to why you left so suddenly. But sure, I'll stick around." The Limet responded in her usual calm manner. In truth, she also wanted to check up on Meta, but she didn't say it.

"Why didn't you try calling sensei, Mercury?" The youth asked.

"I tried to. She left her phone in her room. You must have really been in a rush to bring Meta here, huh?" She asked with a grin.

Kurabe's cheek blushes appeared to become more pronounced.

"Y... yes..."

"I figured as much. You two can finish your meal. I'll call the ship and let them know to stop worrying."

"Alright, please do, Mercury." She replied.

"Why would they be freaking out? It hasn't been that long." Meta asked.

"Well, certain members of Task Force Zetta have taken a few days off for vacation, Reedy included. So, a lot of missions they would normally take have been sent to us. When Kurabe left so suddenly, they were worried she took a dangerous mission without telling us. Again." Mercury explained, her tone indicating that this exact scenario has happened before.

Meta had a feeling they took off due to the incident with the Myovam. However, he was also not really surprised the fact that his mentor had done something like taking a dangerous mission without telling anyone.

"Wait, why wasn't I told about these missions, sensei?"

"Because I put you on mandatory break for a few days. Though at this rate, I'm sure you won't need the break for much longer." She then gave a slight grin. "Though it was quite amusing to see how shocked the general looked when he heard Reedy asking for a few days off during the meeting yesterday."

Meta couldn't blame the general for having that reaction. Reedy struck him as the type to never miss work even if his legs were chopped off. Well... ignoring the fact, he could regrow his legs anyway.

"Have you ever needed a mandatory break, sensei?"

Kurabe sat and thought about it. "Besides getting sick, there was one time I needed it. It was after I witnessed a team of acquaintances die in battle. My sensei told me to take a day off to process what happened. Other than events like birthdays, I don't normally take days off."

He nodded. "So, it's ok to take off if it's because of my mental health?"

"Yes. Both Mercury and I have done that before."

"So, I'm not weak for needing to rest?" He asked nervously.

"Of course not. Even the strongest warriors need breaks. Too much stress can destroy a person. I've seen it happen to many proud soldiers."

Honestly, hearing that made him feel extremely happy.

"So please let me know if you need a break." His mentor added.

"I will, sensei." He responded.

"Good. Now keep eating before your food gets cold."

The two continued to eat in comfortable silence until Kurabe suddenly spoke up once more.

"Mercury, you've talked to four-eyes today, right? How's he?"

"Locked in his room with Raita. She's not letting him out of her sight. So yeah, he's doing fine."

"I see." She replied in an almost indifferent manner.

"That's good to hear..." Meta said.

"Yeah, I was slightly worried when I heard he called off for a couple of days and had to contact him..." The woman nodded.

"Please, I knew he'd be fine. Besides, not hearing from him sounds like a blessing."

While what she said could be interpreted as uncaring, Meta knew that she actually was relived. Somewhat anyway.

---------

Soon the meal was done. Meta paid for it despite Kurabe insisting that she did. The youth explained that since she paid for his sword that he would pay for their meal, and it was only fair.

"Alright, Meta, so we decided that we want to go to the bookstore now, correct? Follow me."

The youth nodded and stayed close to her.

"Hey, Mercury, what books do you like?" He asked.

The woman laughed a bit nervously. "I'll admit... I like a bit of trashy romance..."

"Anything else?" He didn't visually show it, but he was slightly surprised by that.

"Oh. I also like books on biology and geography."

"Ok, but do you like any other kinds of fictional books?"

"I enjoy science fiction, like stories about robots. Those have always clicked with me even as a kid. Couldn't tell you why."

He then tilted his head. "Do you have any recommendations for me?"

"For you? There's one book I think you'd enjoy. It's called Armored Fighters. Pretty basic title, I'll admit, but it's a story of a young man training to be the best armor fighter, people who fight in martial arts tournaments using robots."

"Anything else?"

"Well, there's one called the Dragon, Phoenix and Tiger. A story of three kingdoms uniting to face a single threat. However, forces at work try to turn the kingdoms against each other. Also, they have robots."

He nodded. "Sensei, what kind of books do you like to read?"

"I enjoy every genre really. If something catches my attention, I'll read it. Fiction, non-fiction, as long as I find it enjoyable it doesn't matter. But if I have to pick a favorite type of, it'll be stories about families."

"Well, I think that's a bit obvious, considering how much you talk about family..." He uttered.

"Of course. Family is important. Like you, I grew up alone with no family so of course once I gained one, I became interested in the topic of what it means to be a family."

"Do you have any recommendations for books I could read?"

"Well, there's one story I think you would enjoy. It's called the Magic Knight. A story of a boy being summoned to another world to fight evil, forming bonds with his traveling companions and essentially become a family."

He nodded in understanding. "Ok, thank you."

Shortly after that conversation, they arrived. The bookstore was much smaller than the previous places they've been to, but still pretty sizeable.

"Anything you want I'll buy, Meta." Kurabe stated.

Her student shook his head. "Sensei, that's not necessary."

"I insist."

"So do I."

"Now, Meta..."

"I'll pay for the damn books." Mercury said cutting them off.

Kurabe blinked. "...Mercury, are you sure about that-"

"Yes, I'm sure about it! Now drop it!"

"But Mercury-" Meta tried to say.

"I'm paying, end of discussion. Now get shopping already."

Both mentor and student silently nodded.

---------

The group decided to split up and meet back up in thirty minutes. Meta was currently looking at the science fiction section. "What would be interesting to read...?" He thought as he looked at the various spines and covers.

"What's this? The Crusader of the Night?"

That sounded interesting. The back of the book explained that it was the story of an orphan, using all of skills and equipment to make a world where no one has to become an orphan like he was. Something about the premise struck a chord within Meta.

"I suppose I can give this a chance."

He then looked around at the shelves.

"Are there any others...? No, I shouldn't get anything else. Mercury's paying for it, anyway..." He thought.

"I can't read minds, but I know what you're thinking, Meta. Quit it and get what you want." Mercury said from down the aisle.

He gave a slight sigh. "Alright then, what's this one? The Supernatural Samurai? I'd question why a book about the paranormal is in the science fiction section, but I suppose there's stranger occurrences in real life."

He then saw another book that caught his eye.

"The Burning Meteor? A story of two beings fused into one fighting off an alien threat while copying the enemy's abilities to use against them. I wonder if this was inspired by us Star Warriors?"

He took the book and added it to his collection.

"Well, I think that's it then..."

Meta walked over to where Mercury was. He was slightly glad that Kurabe wasn't there, for he had something he wanted to discuss with the silver vice captain.

"Hey, Mercury, I have a question."

The woman looked down at him in questioning. "What is it, Meta?"

He hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"As a Limet and Reedy's sister, do you blame me for getting him and the others killed?" He asked with determination. He needed to bury this topic and the last thing he needed to do, was ask how Mercury felt about it.

She blinked in confusion. "Why would I blame you? They're still alive, aren't they?"

"But what if they weren't?"

"That's irrelevant, Meta. They are still alive, just like you are right now. There's nothing for you to regret or for me to blame." She replied honestly.

The youth became silent for a moment. "...thank you, Mercury."

"Besides even if they did die, I still wouldn't blame you, Meta. It's a sad truth that all life ends at some point. I would be heartbroken, but I wouldn't blame you. Also, your actions saved their lives, so quit with the self-loathing, alright?"

"I'll try, but no promises..." He sighed.

He then felt Mercury flick his forehead. "Wrong answer. Promise me, Meta."

He stared at her for a moment. "Ok, Mercury, I promise."

"Good." She then flicked him again. "What was that for?"

"For asking a dumb question. Now come, let's go find Kurabe."

He quickly nodded and followed after her.

"So did you know about my rising popularity?" Meta asked, trying to make small talk.

"I'm pretty sure you're the only one who wasn't aware of it." The Limet replied with a laugh.

"Oh..." he uttered, his face turning a bit red.

"You should look up the news more often. You've been in the headlines for a while now."

He looked up at her and blinked. "You mean... as in before the Myovam incident?"

"Yup. Defeating an ice giant. Defeating a powerful group of space pirates. Not to mention a lot of the other missions you've been on. You defeating the Myovam is just icing on the cake."

"I didn't know I was that famous..."

"I wouldn't blame you. It took Kurabe decades to learn that she had a fanbase."

Considering how easy it was for her to ignore being watched, that wasn't a surprise.

"What about you, Mercury?" He then asked.

"Me? Yeah, I suppose I'm a bit famous. It's a bit embarrassing, though, and not all the attention is positive."

He knew exactly what she meant by that. "But you still get positive attention, right?"

"Yeah, which is the embarrassing part. I'm thankful for it though. Even if certain fans are a bit... hardcore, I guess..."

Meta only looked at her in confusion. "...what do you mean?"

"I get a lot of love letters. Some more flattering than others."

"Well, isn't that kind of a good thing? You're really pretty and it's good for people to acknowledge that."

"It's still embarrassing. Plus, I'm not exactly interested in dating at the moment." She answered, instinctively putting her hand over her core.

As if realizing what that meant, Meta stopped walking.

"...I'm really sorry, Mercury. That was very insensitive for me."

"Don't apologize, Meta. You didn't mean any harm by it. I'll be fine, trust me." Mercury said with a genuine smile.

The youth smiled himself, glad that Mercury had been smiling a lot more recently.

"Ok then. Now we should probably go look for sensei."

"Yeah, who knows where she might be?" A familiar voiced said from behind.

"Ah! Sensei!" He shouted, turning around. "How long were you behind us for?"

"I just got here."

The vice captain nodded. "Well, did you pick out any books, Kurabe?"

"A few. Mainly recipe books. I've been meaning to expand my culinary skills for a while."

"Really? What kind of recipes? Any interesting novels?"

"The recipes are a secret. I'd rather surprise you all later at dinner. As for novels, I just picked up a romance novel that Mercury recommended me."

The youth blinked in slight surprise. "Sensei, I didn't know you were interested in romance..." Meta commented.

"Somewhat." She replied in a tone that didn't invite any more conversation.

"...why "somewhat"?" Her student then asked, both curious and partially wanting to finally have something to tease his mentor about.

"Because I haven't met anyone whose gotten my attention. Romantically speaking."

After that blunt reply, Mercury knelt down and whispered to Meta. "In other words, it's so she can imagine herself in her ideal romantic relationship."

The youth quietly laughed at that.

"I heard that."

"I know." She then stood up, crossing her arms confidently. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Want me to tell stories about when you were drunk?"

"Do you want me to pay for your books?"

"You're the one who offered remember? I wouldn't mind paying." She replied with a cocky grin.

"I was already planning on doing it."

"Great! Here you go." Kurabe said as she placed the books in Mercury's arms.

The woman then turned to Meta. "Well, I'll pay for your books as well then, Meta."

"Okay..." Meta replied, unsure of what just happened.

---------

After Mercury bought the books, the group walked out of the store together.

"Well, Meta, where would you like to go next?" Kurabe asked, waiting in anticipation for a response.

"I have no idea." He answered truthfully.

He had done everything he had wanted to do, so he didn't really care about what happened next. He was just happy to have his current companions with him.

"You two can decide on what we do."

His mentor nodded. "Alright then, where would you like to go, Mercury?"

"Well, there's that clothing and jewelry store we like." She mentioned, looking at Meta.

"We can go if you want. I don't mind." He replied.

"Alright then, we'll go there. Besides, we can get Meta something a bit more casual than his uniform if he wants." Kurabe said.

Her student rolled his eyes, already knowing that she'd buy him something anyway.

"Oh, don't think like that, Meta! Come on!" His mentor uttered, grabbing his hand, and dragging him off in the direction of the stores.

Mercury couldn't help but laugh at the scene that just unfolded.

---------

While Kurabe and Mercury were in the two stores, Meta quietly waited on a bench.

"I said I wouldn't mind but, I didn't think they'd take this long." He thought as he stared at some floating clouds in the sky.

"Metaaaaa! Come over here!" He heard his mentor's voice.

Meta lazily got up and walked over.

"Well, at least she looks happy." He thought. He then noticed that she was in the clothing store.

"Sensei, what is it?"

She then became silent as she looked back at him and at a set of clothing.

"Mercury, what do you think is more fitting for him...?" She murmured.

"All of them, honestly. Though if I had to choose one, the set on the left."

"Oh yes, I think that does fit the most."

Meta gave a slightly annoyed sigh.

"Don't complain, you don't even know what it is!"

"I'm allowed to complain about anything that involves me." He thought.

"Sensei, stop reading my mind, please." He said, stopping the inevitable sentence she was about to say.

She then gave a pout and began to squish his cheeks in irritation. "Don't tell me what to do! I am your teacher!"

"I was asking politely, sensei." He struggled to say through his stretched cheeks.

As if realizing this, she stopped squishing his cheeks and gave a slight huff as she took the set, presumably to go buy it.

"Believe it or not, she was looking through both of these stores to find something for you." Mercury said.

"I definitely believe it." He replied dryly, but then spoke once more, loud enough for Kurabe to hear. "But I do appreciate it."

He noticed her give a slight twitch, as if she had heard the response.

"Yeah, sorry we took so long, though." The woman added. "I know this was supposed to be a day for you to relax, but I feel a bit bad for leaving you on that bench."

"It's fine. The bench was surprisingly comfortable."

"Yeah, but were you fine with being by yourself? I'm sure you haven't been having the best thoughts lately, so..."

"Of course I'm fine. Besides it's not like you two were far away. If something happened, I know sensei would come to me immediately. I just watched the clouds to distract myself."

The woman gave a smile. "Would you like to know what Kurabe bought for you?"

"I'm sure she'd rather show me herself. Though, I am admittedly curious."

"Well, you'll have to wait until we return to the GranEssex to see it." Kurabe said as she returned.

"Well, I'm sure you both are quite tired after today, so why don't you both start making your way back to the starship? I'll join you after I pick up some ingredients for dinner tonight."

"I can accompany you, sensei." Meta said before involuntarily yawning. "...Or maybe not."

She smiled as she patted his head. "Go back with Mercury and get some rest. I want to make sure you're awake when I make you dinner tonight."

The youth nodded, not wanting to leave Kurabe alone but couldn't argue with her either.

"Let's go, Meta." Mercury said while grabbing his hand.

Slightly embarrassed, he only followed her back to the starship in comfortable silence.

---------

Either Meta fell asleep on the trip back to the starship or the GranEssex, as when he opened his eyes, he was back in his room on the GranEssex.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought." He said while his eyes adjusted to the light in his room.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He heard a familiar voice.

"Mercury? Were you watching over me?"

"Yup. I was worried what would happen if you woke up and you were alone, so I thought I'd stay here with you. It's also because Kurabe wanted me to wait in here with you while she made dinner."

"I see. Well, thank you." He said awkwardly.

"What's wrong, Meta?" She asked in concern.

"Nothing. I'm just not used to having people watch me sleep. I swear, you and sensei always assume something is wrong. Not that I particularly mind, I guess."

"Well, we're just worried about you, you know?"

"I know and I appreciate it."

For a moment, she smiled, but then her expression became serious as she took his hand.

"Meta, you probably already know this, but if you're having any problems or worries, feel free to come talk to me about them. I know I probably can't do much about your problems, but I will at least try to make you feel better."

Meta smiled, but there was something sad about it. "Thank you, Mercury. It's just hard sometimes. Reaching out for help, I mean. I don't want to be a burden on anyone."

"I understand that all too well, Meta." She replied with a somewhat melancholic sigh.

The youth saw the somewhat sad expression on her face. It, combined with the way she spoke, gave him even more determination to become stronger, so that she wouldn't feel sad again.

"Alright, you two, enough of that. It's time for dinner." They heard a voice from the doorway, and it was, of course, Kurabe.

"Ah, sensei! Did shopping go well?"

"It did. I got everything I needed to make dinner tonight. Now, come on. I'm sure you're starving by now."

He nodded as he hopped off his bed and quickly followed her to her room.

---------

On the extremely short trip to Kurabe's room, Meta spoke up.

"So, sensei, what are we having? Is it something from that cookbook you got earlier?"

"That's right, but you'll just have to wait and see." She said while opening her door.

The youth sighed, knowing better than to pry about it and took a seat at the table.

"Did anything eventful happen? Or were too absorbed by shopping to notice like usual?" Mercury asked.

"There was a two for one sale if you consider that as eventful."

"Oh? At which store?" The woman asked.

"The grocery store." She responded flatly.

"Yes, but which one?"

"I told you, the grocery store."

"Kurabe, seriously."

"What? That's the name of the store."

Mercury blinked. "The grocery store is literally named the grocery store?"

"Yes, that's what I was saying." Her superior pouted.

"That's a dumb name."

"I know, right?!"

"Sensei, I'm hungry..."

"Don't worry, hungry, you'll get your food soon. Also, if you want to go by that name, it's fine, but I much prefer your original name."

"SENSEIIIII!" He shouted, clearly angered by that.

"Yes?" She responded, clearly not bothered by the outburst.

"...Please stop with those jokes." He said after calming down.

"I will once you stop giving such cute reactions, Meta."

Looking extremely annoyed and even angry by this, Meta hopped down from his chair and left the room. He didn't get far and was quickly dragged back inside.

"Meta, I apologize for teasing you, but you shouldn't leave like that. At least not until you eat."

Meta however still looked upset, causing Kurabe to feel incredibly guilty.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just can't help but tease you. But if it really bothers you, I'll stop for a while. Ok?"

"Then learn to stop teasing people..." he mumbled with a pout.

Kurabe's first instinct was to say, "Then learn to stop getting so upset." but she quickly stopped herself and simply hugged Meta.

"I'll try."

After what her student experenced two days ago, there was no doubt that the last thing she wanted to do was upset him.

"...You promise?" He asked weakly.

"I promise." She replied, hugging him tighter.

"Then I forgive you. Now can we please eat?"

She quickly stopped hugging him. "Oh yes, I'm sure you're excited to see what I made. Now, this is a new recipe, so let me know what you think of it, so I know whether or not to make it again."

"I'll probably like it, but ok. So, what is it?"

"It's called a gyro. It's an ancient meal from a long-lost civilization. Normally it's made with beef, but I decided to use chicken instead."

"It looks good at least." He said, taking a moment to take in the aroma.

"Well then, dig in."

At her urging, Meta took a bite and immediately he felt a surge of flavor. It was enough to completely get rid of his annoyed mood.

"Well, what do you think?" She asked.

"It's delicious! What's in it, sensei?"

"Well, chicken, of course, since I made it with that instead of the usual beef."

"I know that much, but what else is in it?"

"Lettuce, onions, a few tomatoes. And the most important part, the Greek yogurt. That ingredient is pretty hard to come by."

"Well, it's really good, sensei." He said before taking another bite.

Kurabe smiled, glad that his mood was better again. "What about you, Mercury? Do you like it?"

"I like it in the same way that I like all of your food." She bluntly replied.

Kurabe playfully pouted before turning to her student. "Well, Meta, have you had a good day?"

"I did, sensei. Thank you." He said with a smile. However, he then became tense. "Can I ask you something, sensei?"

"What is it?"

"Well, this is a bit embarrassing to admit but, I've been having nightmares ever since that day. So, I was wondering if..."

"You could sleep with me?"

"...If you don't mind..."

Kurabe was silent for a moment before she gave a quiet giggle. "Of course you can."

"Thank you, sensei." He responded, a tad embarrassed.

"Fine, you don't need to twist my arm. I'll stay in here too." Mercury said, unprompted.

"Huh!? Mercury!? But why!?" The youth asked, surprised at that response.

"Why? You said you've been having nightmares. What other reason do I need?"

"I know, but... don't you feel embarrassed...?"

"Not really. I trust you to not to do anything you shouldn't."

The youth became silent for a moment before giving a nod. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." She said with a smile. "Well, I'll go get dressed for the night then. Meta, close your eyes."

"Um... ok?" The youth did as told.

"Alright, open them."

He did and what he saw was Mercury now in a nightgown. "That... looks... really nice on you..." He uttered shyly.

"Thanks. Now you should probably get dressed for bed as well. After you're done eating anyway."

"...but I usually just go to sleep in my uniform."

"Suit yourself." Mercury said.

However, Kurabe was having none of it.

"Wear this when you go to sleep, Meta." She said while handing him a sleeping cap.

"...sensei, is this what you got me at the clothing store?"

"One of them, yes. I got you another set of clothes, but we can worry about that tomorrow."

The youth nodded. "Alright, I'll look forward to it."

He then returned to eating.

"Is it strange that I sleep in my uniform?" He asked after finishing another bite.

"Well, it's fine if you're out in the field and have to, but I'm sure you'll be a lot more comfortable if you sleep without it." Mercury said.

"It's also because you shouldn't let it get wrinkled." His mentor added.

"But I see that you always wear your armor when you sleep, sensei."

"Not always, just the times you've slept with me. Sometimes I'm too tired to bother with removing it. Outside my visor, of course."

He took another bite. "So, are you going to be wearing it tonight?"

"No. And you won't be wearing your uniform either. I got us matching caps for a reason." She said, holding a similar cap to the one he received.

"...so that includes the kinda useless veil you wear?"

"...What was that, Meta?" She asked with a forced smile.

"Please, forget I said anything."

The forced smile returned to being a relaxed one and the danger coming from Kurabe ceased. It baffled Meta that Kurabe could ignore so much but be set off by the smallest of things. Then again, he knew how seriously she took her equipment and clothing. In an attempt to make the atmosphere more comfortable, he decided to ask another question.

"So why is it important to not have wrinkles on my uniform if it's just going to get dirty during missions anyway?"

"It's easier to clean off your uniform than to get wrinkles out and clean your uniform of dirt."

"I get that, but ultimately I'll need to clean my uniform after every mission. So, what's the harm of a few wrinkles?"

"You have to remember, Meta. We aren't just soldiers. We're members of an elite organization, thus we need to look the part. As silly as it may sound, our image is important."

He stared at her for a moment before nodding in understanding. Just then he yawned, much to his own surprise.

"Why am I so exhausted? I haven't done anything strenuous today."

"You're emotionally exhausted, Meta."

Well, he couldn't deny that, if he was being honest. He then rubbed his eyes.

"So, I guess since I'm done with dinner, I should go to sleep in a bit..." He uttered as he headed towards Kurabe's bed, beginning to slowly remove his uniform as he did so.

Once he got into bed, he put on the sleeping cap, surprised by how comfy it was. In fact, he felt like he could fall asleep at that very moment. In fact, he practically did so before he could say anything else.

"Well, look at that. Already asleep." Mercury said.

"I knew that cap would look cute on him." added Kurabe.

"It does." The woman smiled as she began to clear the table.

"Well, let's hurry up, Mercury. I want to get to bed as fast as possible. I don't want Meta to have another nightmare. He doesn't deserve any of them."

"Alright then, help me out. It'll get done more quickly if we work together."

"That's my line. I already have my half of the table clean."

She quickly looked up, shocked. "How did you? Did you use magic?"

Kurabe grinned. "No, I'm just simply a master of cleaning."

Mercury gave a slight laugh. "Alright, I should be done in a bit." She then gathered up the rest of the utensils and plates. "How about you start getting ready yourself, Kurabe?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now get to sleep. The sleepy prince is waiting for his mother."

Admittedly, Kurabe was a bit surprised for a moment by those words, but then she let out a slight chuckle.

"Alright then." She then looked at Mercury. "Do I really come off as a mother?"

"Is that a rhetorical question or an actual one?"

"An actual one!" She replied with a pout.

"Don't you tell people to not ask questions with obvious answers?"

She only continued to pout.

"Fine. Yes, you come off as a mother. You've acted like one the minute you brought him to the ship all those years ago."

"A mother..." She uttered, taking a moment to process the word before giving a grin. "Well, of course! I'm the best mother in the galaxy! And even if he doesn't view me as his mother, I shall continue to be there for him!" She stated in her usual confidence.

Mercury giggled. "Yeah, don't really think you need to worry about that, sis."

Kurabe smiled at that as she removed her pauldrons. "Glad to see that you agree with me."

However, her happiness was short-lived as she began to struggle to remove the sabatons.

"Let me do it." Mercury said while sighing.

"I can do it!" She pouted in a childish manner.

"I know you can, but it'd be faster if I did it. Or do you want Meta to have a nightmare?"

She continued to pout, but then sat on the bed, as if giving in to the request.

"Alright, they're off. Good night, sis."

Kurabe then put the nightcap on her head.

"Good night, Mercury."

The woman left to finish cleaning the table and Kurabe crawled up next to Meta, making he wasn't having a nightmare. Upon confirmation that he wasn't, she smiled and wrapped him up in a hug.

"Good night, my little knight."

Although her student remained silent, the small smile on his face was the only thing she needed for confirmation that he heard her words. Soon, she too fell asleep, keeping Meta in her caring embrace. Shortly after that, Mercury also joined them, carefully laying down on the open side next to Meta as to not wake him up.

"What a bunch of dorks..." She said, commenting on the position they were in. Then, she gave a smile. "Still, they're my family. Good night, you two."

Although she didn't get a response, she knew that they were aware, as they gave a slight sigh. The three slept soundly for the rest of the night, with not a single nightmare to be had.

[fillyboy19]

Falling in Stars

I hate you…

Shouto toes at the dirt, eyes staring down at the cut flowers wilting under the warm sun. He thinks to himself that it should be raining, shouldn’t it? Isn’t that how it always is in the movies when someone dies? Overcast and shadow, and a cold breeze to make you draw your jacket tighter around you. It’s not supposed to be sunshine and warm wind on your face. It feels wrong. It’s always felt wrong though, he supposes.

You can’t even die right.

He squats down to pick up a daisy that had fallen loose from its bouquet. This one has fared better than the rest. Its white petals are soft to the touch, bright, yellow center glaring up at him as if to taunt his mourning. Natsuo and Touya aren’t mourning. Last night they’d gotten drunk and reveled in the fact that their father was gone. Shouto had hidden in his room, so used to alcohol bringing out the worst in people… Even Fuyumi had admitted in those dark, inebriated moments after supper that she was relieved that Enji couldn’t hurt them anymore.

Rei, of course, had cried at that. She’d clung to her children, Fuyumi most from the sounds of it, and sobbed – lamenting the fact that she’d never been able to protect them. She had tried to lighten the mood then, by talking about what she called the good times. Fuyumi had come to his room and urged him to join them – for their mother’s sake – stumbling while she pulled on his sleeve and sat him down between his brothers.

Shouto scoffs at the memory of his mother’s sadly smiling face while she had talked about the early years of her marriage, her husband taking her on dates and buying her pretty flowers. She had regaled them with tales they were all too young to remember; a father son day with Touya at the zoo, and Natsuo’s school trip… even Fuyumi’s daddy-daughter dance when she was six. None of those happy stories are about Shouto though. And he can’t help but think about the way her eyes had fallen on Touya, Natsuo, and Fuyumi as she spoke, and how they had never quite reached him.

All she ever did was protect you. Even in death, she’s still protecting you.

“Shouto!” Fuyumi calls to him from her spot by the car, interrupting his thoughts. Her thin summer dress ruffles in the warm breeze and she forces a small smile as she waves. “Time to go.”

Touya and Natsuo wouldn’t bring him here. With all their anger, they didn’t – couldn’t – understand. Shouto’s pretty sure that Fuyumi doesn’t understand him either, but she’s much too accommodating to refuse.

He doesn’t want to go back to that house. He doesn’t want to go back to a family that’s so broken that they can’t even function. Rage and sadness. Happiness and relief. Freedom. All of it clashing into something that sits heavy over every meal. That feels more volatile than his father’s anger ever did.

Rei still can’t look at him. She won’t even glance at the son who always looked too much like his father and somehow that hurts worse than Enji’s hand ever did. She had scarred him in an attempt to erase that part of him, in an attempt to make him more appealing to her eyes. Secretly Shouto wonders if she hates him.

She never protected me.

He rips a few petals from the flower before tossing it to the ground and standing. His phone vibrates in his pocket – it’s the third time since he’s been at the cemetery, but he still can’t bring himself to answer it. He’s sure that it’s someone from Yuuei, most likely Izuku or Tenya checking up on him or, maybe… Inasa. He hasn’t returned anyone’s calls yet. He can’t seem to bring himself to face them when he feels like this.

The car ride home is quiet and awkward. Fuyumi tries to be apologetic, reminding him that she has to check on their mother and start supper. He listens to each excuse quietly, but he can read between the lines. She wants to close the door on their past and move forward like she always did – by pretending it never happened.

He occupies himself by staring out the window, watching as the houses slowly grow more opulent and spread out, the lawns more lush and well cared for. And, when they finally pull into the estate, Shouto retreats wordlessly to his room.

“Supper will be ready in an hour, Shou!” Fuyumi calls after him, but he ignores her.

If Natsuo and Touya are home, they’re quiet. Shouto avoids looking into his mother’s room as he passes. Part of him hopes that she calls to him. All of him knows that she won’t. His own room is sparsely decorated – a simple bed with a light blue comforter, a dresser for his clothes, and a desk for his schoolwork.

There are no rock band posters like he’d find in Touya’s room. No shelves filled with books like Fuyumi’s… Even Natsuo had those little character figures lining the tops of his desk. The more he thinks about it, the darker his thoughts grow. Enji had left his mark on their home. If Rei died tomorrow, her flowers would still be littered about the house in their pretty vases to remind them of her.

What do I have?

Shouto stands in his room and surveys it – just as plain and undecorated as he’d left it when they’d left this afternoon. What would his family remember him by? Would Fuyumi cling to the comforter on his bed? Would Touya pull out his school uniform to clutch to his chest? Would Rei even mourn him?

When he was little, Fuyumi had always told him that a nap makes everything better. Time after time, he’d lay down to sleep and when he’d wake up, his bumps and bruises would hurt less. His head would stay in a pleasant haze until the last dregs of dreams had been shaken from him and by then, he could largely ignore how upset he’d been before he laid down.

He tries it now, tossing his phone into the drawer of his nightstand before crawling onto his bed and burying his face into his pillow with an exhausted sigh. He steadies his breathing and wills himself to sleep, but the thoughts haunt him. Instead of finding himself surrounded in dreams, he stares at the far wall until Fuyumi’s voice calls to him, telling him that supper is ready.

Shouto doesn’t want to eat. He doesn’t want to sit at the table while his older brothers drink and his mother pretends that he doesn’t exist, but he knows better than to make a fuss. He drags himself up and down the hall and sits in the same spot he always has.

Enji’s spot sits empty. Not even Touya dares take it, though Shouto isn’t certain whether it’s out of some misplaced fear of their father’s ghost or respect for their mother. Polite conversation is made about Natsuo returning to university, Touya’s elusive boyfriend, and Fuyumi’s students. Shouto shrugs off the questions about returning to Yuuei. He’s already decided to take the train back to the dorms on Sunday, but he doesn’t want to upset Fuyumi by saying so. He knows that she’s enjoying having the family all together.

“The weather was so nice out today, mom. Did you get a chance to sit in the garden?” Fuyumi sips her tea before setting the cup down and turning her full attention to their mother.

“Mhmm.” Rei hums. “I woke up and you were gone, so I had lunch out there with the boys. Where did you go?”

Fuyumi stiffens visibly, her smile faltering for only a moment before she schools it back into place. “I took Shouto to visit dad’s grave.”

“Oh.” Rei says it simply, with little fuss, but Shouto can hear the weight in it, the judgment. “That’s nice.”

Natsuo scoffs, and Shouto’s fingers clench around his chopsticks. “What a waste of a perfectly good day.”

“Natsu!” Fuyumi waves her napkin at him, but he continues on.

“It’s the truth. What good is it going to the graveside of some egomaniac? All he ever did was hurt us. You. Me. Mom.” Natsuo sets his cup down hard as if to emphasize his point. “Hell, Shouto should be the happiest he’s gone. He got it worst of all.”

Rei begins to sniffle, dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief, and Fuyumi rushes to her side. “Can’t we just have dinner like–”

“We were never normal, Yumi.” Touya leans back on his hands. “You know that.”

“You’re upsetting mom.” Fuyumi cradles Rei’s head against her shoulder.

Shouto can see the sobs wracking her body, but he can’t seem to stop his lips from moving. “Wouldn’t want to upset mom, now would we?”

Rei stands, rushing out of the room and the table erupts.

“Shouto!” Fuyumi scolds him.

Natsuo and Touya both begin lecturing him about how fragile their mother is. How awful their father had been. As if he didn’t know. Touya and Natsuo didn’t understand him. Fuyumi didn’t understand him. He doubted they ever would. How could they when he didn’t understand himself?

“I’m going for a walk.” Shouto stands and walks out without waiting for an answer. He hadn’t expected anyone to follow him, and no one does.

Even in the genkan he can hear them arguing. Touya telling them to let him go, that he needs to blow off steam without upsetting mom and Natsuo chastising him for being selfish. Fuyumi’s voice has grown quiet and Shouto assumes that she’s gone after their mother like she always does.

He slips out the door, closing it quietly behind him and telling himself that he doesn’t care. He walks aimlessly down one street and then the next, following a path that feels familiar and yet, doesn’t call up any memories. All the while, his anger festers.

Upsetting mom!

Shouto kicks at a rock, watching as it skids into a nearby fence and bounces into the street. They would never understand him. She never hugged him or tucked him in like she did with them. And maybe the only thing he’d known from his father was anger and pain, but at least that was something.

He knows he shouldn’t be angry at Fuyumi or Touya, or even Natsuo. Enji had hurt them too when they were kids. He can’t blame them for abandoning him – each of them skirting out the door the moment they’d turned eighteen. Leaving him alone with his father’s wrath and his mother’s cold indifference.

And he knows, deep down he knows, that his mother is a victim too. Caught up in the violent and angry storm his father had created and protecting herself as best she knew how… But he is angry. He’s angry at all of them. Shouto walks until the sun sets and the street lamps turn on. He walks until the night sky grows overcast and cold rain begins to pour. And he thinks to himself that, of course, it would rain now that he wants to be anywhere but at home.

It feels like a punishment, so he takes it. Just like he’d taken everything his father had ever dished out. He walks and fumes and walks some more, letting his feet move without thinking. He walks until his hair is plastered to his forehead and his shirt to his chest. He walks until his anger has fizzled out and something new finally begins to take his place.

All at once, it feels like all his energy has left him, like when he’s run too hard, too long and he simply cannot bring himself to take another step. His eyes grow watery, the world around him becoming little more than a blur and he finally stops walking. He focuses his gaze on the swing set in a nearby park to try and clear it. He doesn’t know why he’d started crying, but now he can’t seem to stop. He can hear them all talking to him in his head. Enji telling him to stop being a baby. Natsuo telling him that Enji isn’t worthy of his tears. Fuyumi telling him that she understands even when she has no clue about how he feels.

The longer he stares the worse it gets. His chest feels tight, and he clutches at it, pulling the soaked fabric of his shirt away as if it were strangling him and, Gods, what is this feeling?

He wants to wretch and sob at the same time, and he can’t make his body do either, so he stands there, stuck, with his hand on the small fence surrounding the park. Memories begin to flood in, one after the other – all of them different and yet, somehow so similar.

He realizes the park isn’t far from the elementary school he’d attended. No matter who had walked him home afterwards, no matter how much he had begged them, he’d never been allowed to set foot inside the park. The little red swings that he’d stared at so often while they’d waited to cross the street now sit empty in the darkness.

Shouto used to dream of flying, high above the ground to somewhere new and watching those other kids on the swings had always made him wonder how it felt. He won’t admit it, but he still wonders about that feeling and still dreams of flying – soaring along clear blue skies and never coming down. A small, choked chuckle escapes his throat at the thought. How silly to still dream about flying after all these years.

He wipes his face on his sleeves and then wipes his sleeves on his pants as if it will hide the evidence of his tears, as if his red eyes and puffy cheeks won’t give him away the moment he gets home. He doesn’t want to go home. He never–

“Shouto?”

He turns at the sound of Inasa’s familiar voice, but the tears brimming behind his eyes only grow worse. He hadn’t wanted anyone to see him like this. He can only imagine what his father would have said. But before he can even think of making up an excuse, strong arms wrap around him.

Inasa places a kiss to peppermint-colored hair and hugs his boyfriend close. He rubs slow, calming circles on Shouto’s lower back, though whether it’s to calm Shouto or his own fast-beating heart, he’s not sure. “I went to your house, but they said that you’d gone out. They sounded kind of worried and you haven’t been answering your phone.”

“Hmm?” Shouto reaches into his pockets, finding only damp lint and string, and sighs before settling his weight against Inasa’s chest. “I must’ve forgotten it.”

Cold hands trail under Inasa’s shirt and up his back, sending a small shiver down his spine. He pulls his boyfriend closer, wrapping his coat around them both as best he can to help warm him. “You’re freezing, Shouto. We should get you someplace warm.”

Shouto hums softly, but makes no effort to move so Inasa contents himself with rubbing circles on his boyfriend’s back while they stand in the rain. Looking at him now, Inasa can see why Fuyumi had been worried. He’s not quite sure he’s ever seen Shouto like this – so small and fragile.

He’s hurting.

He’s seen Shouto on some of his worst days. Handprints up and down his arms. Deep, ugly bruises along his sides and back. Wincing at even the smallest of touches to sore joints. Too tired and worn out to do anything but lay in Inasa’s arms. And still, Shouto had never looked quite this… broken. It hurts his heart, not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to make it better.

“We really should get you home. Fuy–”

“Don’t wanna go home.” Shouto’s words are muffled, warm breath puffing against Inasa’s chest as he curls closer, cold fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt as if Inasa would ever even think about leaving.

“How about we just walk through the park then.” Inasa gestures towards the nearby pavilion and Shouto reluctantly releases his hold. “It looks like the rain’s letting up.”

He leads them along the winding path between the playground equipment to a park bench under an awning where they can wait out the last drizzles of rain. Shouto leans against him heavily, something he’s never done before, and Inasa isn’t sure how he feels about that right now. He doesn’t know what to say or how to even start. He was never a fan of Todoroki Enji, and he’s worried that the resentment he holds for the man will spill out in his words.

“They all hate him. Even mom, I think.” Shouto keeps his gaze down and curls further under Inasa’s coat. “They’re all glad he’s gone.”

“And you?”

Shouto goes quiet for a long time before shrugging. “I hated him for so long. But now I’m… sad he’s gone, and I miss him. That’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so.” Inasa is quiet for a moment. His fingers are laced with Shouto’s as they sit. “He was your father. You hoped that one day he would change and now that’ll never happen. It’s okay to mourn that.”

They sit for a time, wrapped in each other’s arms until the rain stops and Shouto speaks again. “What if there’s something wrong with me? What if I end up just like him?”

Inasa cups Shouto’s face, tilting it up and laying a chaste kiss to soft, warm lips. “You’ll never be like your father, Shou.”

Shouto smiles softly, wiping his eyes one last time and then nodding towards the swing set not far from them. “I always wanted to play on that thing. Was never allowed to though.”

He’s not sure if that was just his boyfriend’s subtle way of trying to change the subject but it sparks an idea. Inasa knows he can’t fix the hurt or confusion Shouto feels. He can’t alleviate the anger or the grief. He can’t magically undo the past. But this… this is something he can do.

“Come on, I’ll push you.” Inasa smiles down at Shouto and begins tugging him over to the tall, metal structure.

“Inasa!” Shouto gasps, nearly tripping over his feet as he tries to dig them into the wet earth. He half-heartedly tries to pull away, but Inasa keeps a firm hold on his hand. “I’m too old.”

“You’re never too old, Shou.” Inasa tugs his hand again and, this time, Shouto lets himself be led right in front of the center seat.

Inasa goes to the other side of the swing and grabs the chains, holding it steady as he watches as Shouto toes at the sand beneath his feet. He can almost see his boyfriend’s brain working, weighing the pros and cons and deciding if it’s worth it.

“This is silly.”

Inasa shrugs; maybe it is silly, but Inasa wants to try. “I’ll push you so high it feels like you’re flying.”

Shouto’s head snaps up at Inasa’s words, his whole face lighting up as he sits down. He shifts, carefully balancing himself on the seat as he wraps slender fingers around the swing’s chain.

He tilts his head back to look up and Inasa smiles down at him. “Ready?”

Shouto nods, eyes wide and trained on Inasa as if they were preparing to do something much more dangerous than playing in the local park.

“Hold on tight and don’t let go.” Inasa places a kiss to the top of Shouto’s head and then pulls him back as far as he can.

He watches as Shouto’s fingers clench around the chain on the first push, his feet tucking up nervously beneath him as he swings back. Inasa’s hand splays out across Shouto’s lower back, pushing gently and sending him up higher than before.

“I’m flying, Inasa!” Shouto’s laughter rings out into the night as he kicks his feet, and Inasa can’t help but think that it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. “Higher!”

When Shouto looks back he’s smiling, really smiling. Inasa pushes, listening to Shouto’s happy squeals as he finally lets go of expectations and lets himself enjoy the moment. And maybe he hasn’t fixed everything… Maybe he hasn’t fixed anything, but he’s at least brought a smile to his boyfriend’s face and, for now, that’s enough.

~END~

If you liked this please, drop me a comment for kudos on https://archiveofourown.org/works/51307006

[jittyjames]

⭐

ok let me talk about john 11:35 for a moment— or jesus wept

this fic is actually more recently written. it originally started as a Valentine's Day fic for the jcs discord server (sun/moon dynamics with jesus/mary/judas) but then it twisted into this big ole fic. you can still see the whispers of the fluff piece it once was, like when jesus compares mary to light and warmth and stares at the stars with judas. so i didn't get to actually join that challenge, but there was an effort!

i think it's quite clear the disciples in this fic were actually a commentary on most modern day religious spaces. like blatantly ignoring the words of jesus to focus on their hate instead? searching for power? having no forgiveness of empathy for even the man they call savior? yeahhhhh. i think the disciples are still sympathetic characters honestly, and they're more traumatized than anything. their perceptions of death are so scattered at the moment. so much so they can't even grasp what it means to die anymore. because jesus came back. he came back after the horrors. he suffered, but yet he's still here. so how bad can death truly be? and they want to ensure their legacies are intact. they want to become legends, just like they always did. but now, two of their own just died at once. they have to scramble to make sure they're leaving something behind. so now, let's talk about the misogyny. we can see it begin to mold. we all know jesus accepted women perfectly well into the group, that it was the apostles and paul who started with the whole "women should sit down and shut up" type thing. but we can see that with mary's treatment. peter is the first person to disregard her when it comes to picking the next apostle. yeah he says it's because she's traumatized, but truly it's because he doesn't think he can handle sharing the spotlight with someone who jesus loves more than him again. (we all know i headcanon judas and peter as jesus' right and left hand). it's not necessarily that he's in love with jesus or anything like that, but he knows how he feels. he thinks he knows what's best at the moment. mary and judas? even jesus to an extent? ruled by their emotions for each other. he sees judas' betrayal as the result of some petty relationship drama. he won't have it coming in again to ruin everything he has planned. but peter is also viewing mary as weak. how can she grieve the man who killed jesus? why is she crying all the time when she should be spitting on his grave like the rest of them? it makes Peter not trust her. and then you just have the period-typical misogyny, too mixing with that. then, we also have matthias not even acknowledging her, even as she stands by jesus' side. she's not important to him or to the story, even if she's jesus' heart. she's already being erased by the narrative. and john making the choice of leaving their relationship as a whole out of his book? rooted in homophobia and misogyny. their version on jesus should be above the likes of mary and judas. i have a lot of disciples thoughts. they're not perfect, but they're not simply evil here either. they have their reasons. like can you imagine watching your friend die bc their boyfriend sold them out to the police, and no one really gives you a good explanation for it? you'd be pissed, too. you'd be hurt.

ONE OF THE THINGS IDK IF ANYONE HAS MENTIONED YET. He had caught sight of him one night, sitting amongst a field of poppies, the darkness encasing the deep red of them, the pale blue of Judas.- POPPIES ARE A SYMBOL OF DEATH. JUDAS WAS SITTING IN A FIELD OF POPPIES NIGHTLY. idk if anyone caught onto it, but i most definitely wrote that with an intention. ALSO i had never utilized feet washing scenes bc i don't want people to think i have a foot fetish but like. there's so much angst potential there, and gerohugerh.

also i tried to sprinkle as much judas imagery as I could (or at least what i find to be imagery) but the more obvious ones like the blue coat and peaches, and the judas tree as the hanging tree. but also birds, spring, and stars. hehe. very sell-indulgent.

my roman empire is mary and jesus moving to kerioth to feel close to judas. i love this idea. i love the picture of it. i headcanon kerioth as just the typical, small southern town. orchards and fields, farms and small schools, everyone knows everyone. i mean is this me projecting my own small town life? yeahhhh.

but something i didn't get to talk about is the issue of simon iscariot. but I think I'll save that one 👀

there's a part of me that want to add to this bc @pinkishflowersilverycoin and i hatched a plot in dms. like judas isn't in hell in this world. he's in heaven. jesus didn't go back, so it's just judas alone up there for the time being. he'll be the one to welcome all the disciples, mary, jesus when they die. (will jesus die?? who is to say?? is it some weird supernatural thing?? maybe.) but we felt like maybe judas would take on peter's supposed role at heaven's gate. he's the first one to get there. they'll all have to deal with him again, so even if the apostles think that he's just rotting somewhere, his will be the first face they see when they die.

also we didn't even get started on jesus and mary's kids (sara and elias of kerioth, respectively). we decided they would be the ones to write some gnostic gospels, wanting to set the record straight about their third hypothetical parent, and tell the actual story of their mourning parents.

and I think this is everything for now!

[thygoddessouijathicc]

Legacy Gets Anxiety Meds, Becomes Normal, And Turns The Flipside Into A Dating Sim

(Disclaimer: Another Ouija joke fic as it has been proven this is the only thing I can do consistently and I have way too many ideas for it. I will get back to my standard long serious fics but not yet.

So basically as you may or may not know, I’m pals with Iral the Great, we were joking in a GC about the Legacy face as well as an old rational I made that stated the eye dilation is because of adrenaline and Legacy must have chronic stress. And then I decided to make this fic.

Also the Flipside becomes a dating sim. I just thought that’d be funny.

Gets kinda weird.)

Legacy walked down the road, blasting people as he went with his sawed off shotgun. He had recently been to therapy… it didn’t help much, he’s pretty sure the therapist quit the profession. Rude.

Well anyway, one good thing came of his therapy.

He’d been prescribed “anxiety” meds!

He couldn’t wait to get high on those.

And no there’s absolutely no way those are regular anxiety meds, psh, how stupid would that be. The therapist has got to know he’d kill them for that!

Legacy arrived at the pharmacy and shot everyone ahead of him in line like the normal, normal man he is.

The clerk trembled as he handed Jacky-Boi his anxiety meds. Legacy shot him in the fucking face. No witnesses.

Legacy took one of the pills… he vibrated, had a seizure, and glowed…

Then his face suddenly turned back to normal.

“What the shit?” Jack asks, as he sits up after his fit.

Jack then remembers everything he did as Legacy and screams in frustration. “HOW THE FUCK DID I EVEN *GET* HOT SAUCE IN MY DICK!?!?!” He yells.

Jack stands up. “Well, Furry Dave is dead, I guess I still got Cabinet Man Dave.” Jack sighs. “He’s pissed at me, since I broke my promise and then blew up my sister’s soul.” He starts walking home to go try to get back with his ex who lives in an arcade machine.

.

.

.

Jack arrives at his arcade machine, after showering to wash off the gallons of blood that was covering his body of the last 3 months.

He knows he probably can’t go in the game because… well Dave is pretty pissed and might try to kill him.

So Jack just messes around with the machine for awhile using a tutorial he found on YouTube.

Once he finishes he starts to walk around the Flipside using his new anime boy avatar!

It takes 3 hours to find Flipside Dave, and as soon as he does the encounter starts.

“Well well well, look who’s back. I guess killing your sister and later ME wasn’t enough for you you just HAVE to come back and finish the jo- Wait why do you look like that? Why do you have hair? Why do *I* have hair!? WHAT DID YOU DO OLD FUCK?!” Dave yells through the machine.

Jack uses the joystick and the buttons to slowly type, fuck he should have attached a microphone or speaker or some shit.

“I took my anxiety meds and then turned the flipside into a dating sim.” He types.

“…What?”

“I killed Davetrap and you were the next best thing.” Jack types.

“Wow. Great to know I was you second choice after my rotting corpse in a fursuit.” Dave says.

Jack notices the relationship bar in the corner, already at -345, go down to -420. Nice. Wait no not nice. Jack presses the undo button, erasing Dave’s memory of what he said last.

Dave screams. “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO TO ME! I FEEL LIKE I JUST DIED AGAIN! Wait… you turned this into a fucked up dating sim!? Why the fuck did you even do that?!?”

“When I regained my sanity because of my anxiety meds I knew I fucked up. I knew this was the only way we could talk without you killing me.” Jack wasn’t ENTIRELY lying. He had more motives than that for a DATING sim, but it was mostly true.

“So the first thing you do is stick me in a dating sim against my will, and not try to somehow bring back your sister’s soul you OBLITERATED.” Oh shit when did Dave get SMART.

“I don’t know how to do that. And I knew I’d probably have to reconcile with you first. Maybe you could help me.” Jack types. Holy shit the relationship bar went UP. By 3 points but still.

“But wait… why do I have a… relationship bar??? Yeah I can see that by the way. I can see you too. Why did you choose a dating sim of all things to put me in?”

“I don’t know. It was the shortest tutorial?” Jack smiles awkwardly.

“So rather than putting me in any other kind of game, which you apparently could do, you stick me in a girly anime dating sim with a relationship bar, a mood metre and fucking cherry blossoms falling from the sky constantly?! Wait YOU BASTARD! YOU DON’T CARE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU DID YOU JUST WANT TO-“ Jack resets.

“Ugh… that feeling again… the fuck is that.”

“Its the only type of game that didn’t have a battle menu.” Jack types.

“Well I guess that makes sense… my head hurts… You’re… doing that face again…” Jack freezes, and runs out of the room. “Hey where the fuck are you going!?” He looks in the mirror to see Dave is right, he is doing his Legacy face again…

Shit. He WAS enjoying having Dave at his mercy like that way too much. Ok, no more lying, and no more pressing reset. Jack takes another pill, and another for good measure, before re-entertaining the room.

“I’ve been lying to you. I stuck you in a dating sim because I was being selfish and wanted you back as quickly and easily as possible. I’ve been treating you like a regular game and that’s not fair to you.” He admits.

“No, it’s really not.” Ok shit, yeah, Dave is very mad at him. Relationship dropped sharply. He deserved that.

“I’m sorry Dave.”

“Not gonna cut it, Old Fuck.”

“Then what will?”

“I dunno, maybe STOPPING HIDING BEHIND YOUR ANIME BOY AVATAR AND HAVING AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH ME!?”

Ok yeah, that makes sense. “You promise you won’t punch me?”

“I promise.” Dave says. Jack finally enters the machine, taking over his avatar’s body. He can still see all the dating sim stuff, but Dave is now back to his normal self, rather than the weird anime boy sprite.

“Ok, I’m here D-“ Dave immediately kicks Jack in the balls. “OW WHAT THE FUCK DAVE!?!?!?!”

“I didn’t punch you.” Dave says smugly.

“F-fine… I guess I deserved that.”

“You did. If this stupid dating sim allowed for any more than that I’d stab you.”

“…And I’d deserve that too.”

“Why’d you do it, Sport?”

“Do what?”

“All the kiddin killing, the lying, Dee-“

“Henry. He got in my head. I don’t know how. He convinced me I had to continue his legacy, and that killing your souls would set you free. It’s part of why I took out Davetrap too.”

“Look… Jack… I… I might be able to forgive you. But not yet. Just… give me time ok? And take me out of this fucking dating sim I keep choking on cherry blossoms. And I know I can’t die, but it still fucking hurts.”

“I know… I’m sorry I did this to you. The whole Dating Sim thing, treating you like a shitty video game, lying to you. I’ll take you out. You deserve better than this.”

“It’s a start.”

(Note: Ok I’m sorry this is so stupid. It ended up getting weirdly emotional and cringy. But whatever I’ll just write more meme fics to make up for my sins.)

[uneasy-itto]

An Ittoku information post for the time being.information is subject to change/added to,post will be edited as information progresses.

(note:some of this information might contrdict previous posts,though I am not sure,but such things come when devolping a character.note not all pictures show here are how I currently invision his design)

Basic info:

Name:Ittoku Kattou

Age:15

Gender:demigirl(he just hasn't realized it yet.)

Pronouns:He/They/She

Sexuality:Demisexual,panromantic

Birthday:October 2nd

Height:6ft3in

Weight:127lbs

Eye color:they lack a left eye(their depth perception is fucking shit because of it) but the main fake eye they usually wear is pink or white color,while their right eye is an emerald green color.

He has a deep and gnarly looking scar under his left eye,it looks like a down facing jagged chevron

Hair color is naturally a chocolately brown,though he hair is going white,because of both stress,smoking & drugs,vitamin diffency,aswell as his vitilitgo(he frequently thinks he looks old because of his hair whitening8,that and the very prominate eyebags he has,aswell as his height),he dyes his hair a light pink.

His hands are both bionic,though he always wears gloves to cover them up.

Hobbies:Photography,drawing,taxidermy,collecting bones(idk if this ones a hobby,),preserving insects and flowers,sewing

Occupation:A cashier at the candyclub part time,he also babysits skid(and pump when skid and pump hang out),and student (if you count it)

Likes:taxidermy,reading,biking,animals(he's never been allowed to have a pet so he always gets excited when he sees one he can interact with),alternative fashion,flowers

Dislikes:Mirrors,his older brother,sleeping,spiders and snakes(but he understands snakes and spiders are both nessascary to the ecosystem,so he leaves them be.),loud noises,yelling

Fears:Mirros(its called Eisoptrophobia,at least the kind of fear of mirrors he has),pain,his older brother

-Things that Ittoku keeps in his bag:a Swiss army knife or a small pistol(it really depends on where he's going that dat,but it usually tends to be the Swiss army knife),2 pairs of gloves(he always wears gloves he just brings other pairs just in case),pepper spray,a camera,2 rolls of film,a sketchbook,2 pencils,an eraser,1.0 pen,0.5 pen,a 0.2 pen,and a 0.1 pen.

-Ittoku grew up primarily in Austraila,so he has an accent(I havent written him to talk as such due to the fact i dont want to look up how to write accents as of right now).He also has lived in Japan,South Korea,the UK,India,and the US(though this is the first time he's live in the US since he was little),his family owns a lot of houses throughout all of those countries.Ittoku is also fluent in Japanese,Italian and English,he can also speak Korean and Hindi conversationally,though very basic conversation.

-He smokes a lot.He oftened does chainsmoking,he spends a lot of his money on cigarettes.He's I don't think they're healthy.He also smokes weed.

-Often when talking to people or just standing,he says back and forth a little,and he tends to fiddle and fidget with his clothes or if he's holding something whatever hes holding or he picks and pinches at his arm skin.He struggles staying completely still,he has to at least be doing something with his hands.

-His older brother,Irima, has been raising Ittoku since Ittoku was a few days older 2 months old.Irima is a little under 25 years younger than Ittoku.Ikesh(their father) and Izumi(their mother) had Irima at around the age of 17 and Ittoku at around the age of 44.Unfortunatly,Izumi passed during child birth,it was a geriatric pregnancy so it was high risk.Ikesh and the rest of Ittoku's and Irima's family living in australia at the time around 2 months after Ittoku's birth,all were murdered,sans Irima and Ittoku.

-Irima isnt very nice to Ittoku.The only reason he wanted to raise Ittoku is to prolong his legacy,practically make a clone of himself to continue his 'work' after he dies or just wants to stop.And if Ittoku doesnt comply with Irima's wishes at certain points it not good for Ittoku.Irima could easily just get rid of and replace Ittoku with one his own children,Ittoku doesn't know of the existence of Irima's kids or any other people in his family(he was led to believe all of his life that all of his family is dead),he doesn't know he's an uncle,but he is sure made aware of the fact he's expendable,very expendable.Irima is the reason that Ittoku lost his left eye.(I dont really know the circumstances on which that happened,but its sure aint fucking good.I also wont go into their relationship much more as of right now,as I don't know enough about how parental abusive is like,it requires more research on my part,if any one is willing to help me with this that would be nice.But there relationship is not good at all,and fairly abusive.)

-Irima and Ittoku move around a lot,due to Irima's 'hobby/passion',because of that Ittoku is stunted socially,as he eventually just gave up trying to make friends after moving around enough.This is actually the longest they've stayed somewhere,they usually just stay somewhere for under a month.

-He struggles picking up on social cues,and he doesn't really understand any less than very obvious body language and facial expressions.He was like that before he stopped trying to make friends but it was just strengthened after he stopped.Though Ittoku tends to be at least somewhat okay at picking up the emotions of people.

-Ittoku and his older brother almost look identical,aside from a few differing facial scars,moles,ittoku's whitening hair,and viltigio spoltches(ittoku's vitiligo is way more promnent).But aside from looks these two share little to nothing in common.The few things they share in common aside from looks are:the affinity for collecting things,the love of taxidermy,pastel colors,flowers,and the affinity for talking about morbid things.

-There are alot of weapons in his house.

-It's rare that Ittoku will be at his house,very rare,very very rare.He hates being at his house.He'll using be just biking around town,at work(either at the candy club or babysitting skid and occasionally pump),at school if that's happening,at the library,or basically anywhere else that isn't his house.

-He's from a fairly wealthy family,so his brother frequents those circles,Irima is fairly close friends with Carmen and they hang out a often.

-Irima taught Ittoku how to get away with murder,Ittoku will never use this information but he knows.

-Ittoku is very affection starved,in physical affection and etc.

Character relationships,section will be updated later:

[kiss-my-freckle]

People think Elena is a hypocrite for telling Stefan to not erase his memories when she erased hers of Damon. They also think she cared less about Bonnie than Damon since she didn't also erase her memories of Bonnie.

A huge difference. Elena actually believed Damon died when she had her memories erased. When Stefan begged to have Rebekah erase his, Elena was still living. It's one thing to erase because that person no longer exists, another to erase because that person continues to exist without you. Stefan may have been heartbroken, but Elena was still very much alive and standing right in front of him.

I often talk about the "education" that Katherine gave Damon when she ripped his heart out, but I've yet to post Stefan's parallel to that. Rebekah told him that she wouldn't compel him because it's the only way he'll learn. Life experience offers the best education. "It took me a thousand years and hundreds of betrayals to realize that love and caring ruins you." His response to her claim is enough proof that he still doesn't see the truth of Damon, what loving Katherine did to him.

It was the easy way out for Stefan. Why should he be lucky to have his memories of Elena erased when Damon didn't have his memories of Katherine erased? If Damon can work through 145 years of being strung along by Katherine, Stefan can deal with losing Elena after less than two years of dating her. The one thing people shouldn't do, is erase their memories. Life experience offers the best education. Erase parts of your life, you erase that education. Our memories help shape who we are. When Elena erased Damon, she erased half of herself. That's why Caroline didn't like it. Elena was there, but not there. Damon would rather live true to his experiences, which is the best way in my book. I say this despite my own painful memories.

[variousqueerthings]

you know what, I actually quite like Curse Of The Black Spot

maybe the reason M*ffat kept returning to over-complicating Stuff was because people didn't give enough credit to a simple plot every once in awhile. this is a good breather! I like breathing! (you know who else likes breathing? Rory Williams)

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 7/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 8/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 9/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 6/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 8/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 10/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 9/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 8/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 7/10

FULL RATING: 79/100 (if I can count….)

This is so funny, this is the highest M*ffat-era rated episode so far! and all you had to do was give Amy a sword and put Rory in jeopardy! Knocked the others out of the water (the water, get it? Pirate episode)

OBJECTIFICATION: I knocked it down a little point, juuuust because I think the casting and dressing of Lily Cole, because the pirates are meant to think this is a siren, is a bit of a reach

like I get it, she's meant to seem "sirenesque" but sirenesque could've been something incredibly non-human-looking, or a confused amalgamation of human-looking ooorrrr... like I see what they were trying to do here, but I think they could have been way more interesting than just "hot woman"

(notice though, Amy is finally free from this point! yes, she's actually not suuuper practically dressed, but it's a bit of a changeup in this season + she gets a longcoat)

PLOT-POINT: so this isn't a big "interiority" episode as suuuuch, but! but but but! we get more Amy/Rory that I actually enjoy!

we get Amy being possibly a tad jealous (although I think it was also a joke on her part) that hypnotised!Rory called the siren beautiful, and we get her being incredibly worried for his well-being

this is kind of like the flipside to the last episode (+ several episodes in s5) where it felt like it was heavily centred on Rory's concern for Amy, and yes, there was Amy's Choice, there was Cold Blood, but that's not concern, that's like... Dead dead Rory. he dies, there's nothing she can actually do other than be like "yo that was traumatic"

I think this Concern is more powerful to their relationship, than Death -- because I wasn't seeing the Concern much in s5, on Amy's side, and on Rory's it often felt quite... patronising.. in the way it was written

SO! like yeah, they're cute now. I know she has to sign a thing to show she's willing to sign him out and the episode ending kind of hinges on that, still don't think they're married yet in my internal "I'm changing the pacing" timeline. spins the "make up new hinge" wheel and goes she says she's married and Rory is like "yo you said we were married, that's so cool" (flipside to Vampires of Venice where they were engaged and she said he was her brother)

yeah, I like that

COMPLEXITY: It's super simple. there's a supposed siren that's after some pirates, except now we investigate and woops, she's actually a space!nurse-program who thought they were all dying, and now the pirates are flying through space

it's cute

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: the aforementioned Amy and Rory dynamic is the main thing

also that mysterious woman in a hatch again... hmmm.... and the episode also semi-pointlessly reminds us that Amy is still schrödinger's pregnant

I also quite liked that Amy had a flashback to the Doctor dying, that weighs on her. we enjoy a bit of weighing. some things should weigh

COMPANIONS MATTER: AMY!!!!!! LOOK AT HER!!!!! SHE'S TAKEN TO THE HOLD and you're going "oh no, another thing where Amy is put aside and the Doctor saves things and then she gets let out again," but NO, she finds a sword, dons a longcoat and hat, and fights a bunch of pirates! good fun!

and then the Doctor asks her, shall we do this, you okay with that and it's her emotional connection to Rory that drives the plot forwards, and then she saves Rory's life

Rory is mostly there to damsel for once, and it's fine, because Amy has needed this her entire run, while Rory needs to understand that Amy cares about him

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: useless bench, as is occasionally what's needed! like, still useful in some ways, but mainly just going "ah yeh, I was wrong last time." also a bit of a contrast to Vincent and the Doctor, where his not figuring shit out led to a creature being accidentally killed and there wasn't a lot done with that

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: it's not Low, it's just like... yeah, doesn't matter in this one, it's fine. Pirates

“SEXINESS”: YOU KNOW WHAT I APPRECIATE? I APPRECIATE THAT NOBODY MADE A JOKE ABOUT AMY BEING A SEXY PIRATE! OR AMY MAKING A JOKE ABOUT FUTURE ROLEPLAY AS A PIRATE! YOU'D THINK THIS WOULD BE A LOW BAR, BUT IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED YOU KNOW IT COULD!

INTERNAL WORLD: simple. pirates. son stowaway. now, space pirates.

POLITICS: um. pirates? knocked it down a bit for the monogamy and aforementioned boring Siren who's just like... hot

FULL RATING: 79/100 (if I can count….)

So this episode is strong in that it's finally giving Amy perspective! and feelings that are about her, not about how others feel about her feelings! and a sword!

it's weaker in the story itself, especially the design of the creature-of-the-weak, and it's absolutely a simple little episode. In the grand scheme of Doctor Who it's not the Bestest Most Badass Episode Of All Time, but I think it's underrated, especially since it ends on Space Pirates and Amy has a sword

[onlyswan]

summary: in which christmas is upon us and jungkook just wants to say that he loves you.

> fluff / wc: 3.4k

> warnings: poor baby is sick so he’s on vocal rest :( oc loves snow but is scared of slipping on it, a littleee suggestive with an allusion to a hard-on

note: just to be clear the bold texts are the lines jungkook says to you using his phone ^^ + the first scene is inspired by this ask !!! + i had a nap after my finals then started writing this lol my brain is still fried. happy holidays my dear friends <3 stay warm and healthy <3

—

jungkook plops down on the bed, about to slide his sweatshirt over his head until it gets forcefully ripped away from his hands. a yell of his dog’s name dies down on his tongue as bam’s fast paws slide all the way across the living room floor. releasing yet another crestfallen sigh, he follows after his stolen piece of clothing.

however, the path gets blocked by you, standing infront of him with a hand over your waist.

“and why are you walking around only wearing boxers?” you ask him quizzically, raising your eyebrows. “baby, please don’t get sicker than you already are.”

he pouts sadly, pointing at the couch where bam stands tall, his two-weeks-old sweatshirt hanging from the dog’s teeth.

“bam!” you turn to look at bam, and he tilts his head to the side innocently. “come here. give it back to your dad.”

jungkook scratches his head when bam drops the sweatshirt on the floor, stepping on it as he jumps off the couch to jog towards you. he can’t even point out the fact that it was just fresh from the laundry because he left the whiteboard in the kitchen and his phone is in the bedroom. oh my god, he can’t even complain about how much he fucking hates being on vocal rest.

well, he did try once this morning, using the whiteboard. with eleven exclamation points and the sad emoji drawn with extra details to be exact. okay, maybe twice. he erased the sad emoji to replace it with a crying one when you caught him making coffee, which the doctor told him he isn’t allowed to drink until his throat heals because it can dehydrate and irritate it. to be fair, having coffee every morning has been a part of his daily routine. he didn’t even realize he was making coffee until you started scolding him.

due to the cold weather and his intense recording sessions for the past week, he woke up with a sore throat and hoarse voice yesterday morning. aside from taking the prescribed medication, he was advised to go on a vocal rest, too. what makes it absolutely hellish for him? it’s not difficult to obey doctor’s orders. because it’s not like he could actually use his voice even if he wanted to. almost nothing comes out when he tries.

this gloomy situation reminded him why he religiously drinks vitamins and takes good care of his voice in the first place. it’s one thing to take a break from singing . . . but to completely abstain from talking? the last time he said ‘i love you’ was almost two days ago. he wants to curl up into a ball, cry, and scream.

and just like what he’s been doing since yesterday to express his misery, he sighs, lazily draping his arms around you. bam ends up lying down on the floor behind you when he realizes he won’t be getting any attention.

“oh, my poor baby. i love you.” you coo, tenderly rubbing his naked back, hoping it provides him a little more comfort and warmth. “you’ll be better in no time. just give your voice the rest it needs, hmm?”

you feel him nod against your shoulder. his embrace becomes tighter as he slumps, leaning more of his weight on you. you plant your feet firmly on the ground to prevent the two of you from falling, and you allow him to hold on to you for however long he needs.

“are you sure calvin klein hasn’t offered you guys a deal yet?”

and that’s when he pulls away. he stares at you for a second before shaking his head, fluffy hair bouncing as he does so.

“maybe it got lost in the mail?”

he shakes his head again, a bunny smile creeping on his face because of how adorably serious you’re being over such a random topic. how do you possibly miss a mail from the calvin klein? your teasing touch travels down to the curves of his waist, until your fingers trace the waistband of his boxers, sparking tingles in his abdomen and all the way down there. only then does he realize that he’s still half naked.

your nose scrunches as you smile innocently. what a minx. you never give his poor heart a rest. “then i guess you’re for my eyes only.”

body, heart, and soul— for your eyes only. but he wouldn’t say it even if he was able to speak because it sounds too cheesy outside of the song he hasn’t played you yet, so he kisses your cheek to say i am.

you pat his butt twice, urging him to head back to the bedroom. “go get dressed now, or i’ll change my mind and leave alone.”

he narrows his eyes at the sweatshirt left lying on the floor, and you click your tongue when the realization dawns on you.

“i’ll wash it later. it just had to be the white one, huh?”

—

“oh, baby, wait! forgot your scarf!” you rip your hand away from the doorknob, bolting back to the bedroom.

jungkook waits by the door, holding up his phone in landscape view, the words ‘but i don’t have a scarf?’ flashing on the screen. he only sees this at concerts, having done it himself before— a fan using their phone as a makeshift banner. and here he is, using it to his maximum advantage in his daily life.���

“well, i do!” you enthusiastically respond to his message when you return, holding up the two scarves you managed to find in your cabinet. “pink with black checkered pattern or indigo? it’s shibori.”

he points at your right hand, and his heart flutters inside his ribcage when your face evidently lights up. you drape the pink scarf over his nape, wrapping the longer end twice around his neck to make it even with the other end. you take a quick step back to check him out, and it matches perfectly with his all-black outfit.

“nice and warm.” you say sweetly as you stroke his shiny hair.

he types on his phone before showing you the screen: ‘it’s so cold outside wear a scarf too :(’

you wear the indigo scarf without tying or wrapping it around your neck, leaving both ends draping down almost the same length as your jacket. this makes your boyfriend tut. he mimics your actions from earlier, making sure it’s warm but still breathable. you hide a pout. this scarf doesn’t match your outfit at all, but just like how you also ate soup for dinner last night so he wouldn’t feel sad and lonely about eating bland food, you do it anyway.

you look down when you feel a poking at your thigh. “oh. hi. be a good boy, bamie, okay? we’ll be back before dinnertime.”

despite the dirty white sweatshirt in the hamper, jungkook gives bam his good boy head pats before locking the front door.

—

you hum along to the christmas songs playing in the stores you pass by, restraining yourself from skipping along the pavement so you won’t slip on the unswept snow that fell almost the entire evening. jungkook is holding your hand firmly as you share a heating pad. his free one is tucked in the pocket of his padded jacket to shield it from the cold. you made sure that he was leaving the house as warm as possible, even stuffing earmuffs in your bag incase he starts complaining about freezing ears, too.

you pull back the khaki knitted bucket hat a little over your head so it won’t block your vision. he can’t see the rest of your face, but the way your eyes crinkle as your cheeks rise beneath the mask makes him copy your smile. you’re not usually happy with walking crowded streets, but the holidays seem to be an exception.

you always marvel at the giant christmas trees they display in the middle of the cities. you watch hanging christmas lanterns in awe, the swirling colors dancing in your dilated pupils. you gush about the christmas sales, and the discount bundles. you insisted on owning two christmas trees, green and white, to use them interchangeably. and by insisted he means you went home one november night hauling a giant box without him having a single clue what was inside . . . and he was afraid to find out.

you tend to decorate a little late because you’re both usually busy by the end of the year, but you leave it up until you’re reminded that valentine’s day is nearing.

this year, it’s the white tree’s time to shine again. it was jungkook’s idea to go with the theme of pantone’s color of the year, very peri, a shade of periwinkle. you already decorated it with a purple star on top and christmas balls all around, with light blue flowers and candy canes as the accent. now you’re on a hunt for lights to wrap around it, and hopefully also toss in some of those little gift box ornaments you just can’t seem to goddamn find online. (spoiler alert: you fail to find them in person too)

“ah! they have all the colors.” you giggle as you grab the first box of lights you saw, which is green.

jungkook is walking to the other end of the shelf as he inspects the boxes of lights he brushes past, until he finds something you’d definitely love. he takes out the first two boxes to grab the one behind them, because well, many other people most probably already touched those.

“baby, please help. should we get white? or green? or pink?” you ask without looking at him, squinting at the three boxes infront of you in serious contemplation.

he catches your attention by bumping his arm against yours, proudly presenting the item he found with the words ‘this one has a remote control with twelve colors ^_^’ flashing on his phone screen.

of course, it goes to say that you feel sad about your sweet boy having a sore throat, because this man’s life literally revolves around his voice. you were anxious about how you were going to comfort him when you found out that he needs to be on a vocal rest. but you didn’t expect that it would end up with you being hopelessly endeared by his written communication and cute little emoticons.

you beam at him excitedly, taking the box from his hands. “i like these round bulbs better. i didn’t think they’d have this type of st-”

you flip it over to check the price, and the amount of numbers comically make your shoulders drop. “aaand that’s also twelve times the price of the regula- jungkook!”

you yelp in surprise when he tightly wraps his arms around you from behind, whisking you away before you can convince yourself not to get it.

after the employee tested out if the product is working well, you finally made your peace with the price tag. you can choose the colors for the lighting modes and patterns? sick.

it doesn’t come as a surprise when you find long lines extending past the belt stanchions that separate the two counters. jungkook glues himself to your back again, resting his chin on your shoulder. the beeping of the barcode reader sounds too loud for him, and he wishes they would turn up the speakers so he can hear the jazzy christmas songs better.

he behaves for the most part, gently swaying you back and forth to the music. at some point, he almost falls asleep on your shoulder while resting his eyes. he regrets not wearing his glasses today. when he opens them again, you’re already fifth in line. jungkook estimates that a good 10% of your relationship is spent waiting on cash register lines, and it may sound tiresome if you put it that way, but oddly enough, he doesn’t hate it at all.

he pulls up the notes app in his phone, and you instantly look down at the screen knowing that he has something to say to you.

‘i’m thirsty :( my throat is getting dry again’

“aw, my love.” you coo at him sadly, rubbing his forearm. “want chamomile tea with honey again?”

you feel him bob his head, his cheek brushing against yours as he types his response. ‘yes. it magically makes me feel better ㅠㅠ but the pain still comes back ㅠㅠ’

“it’s gonna be fine. just let me take care of you, okay? drink your tea at the bakery we passed by, then let’s cuddle when we get home.”

jungkook briefly pulls down his mask to press an appreciative kiss on your temple, a small smile forming on his lips because you taking care of him makes him feel significantly less shitty. about generally everything, really. but you just get extra fussy over him when he’s in pain and he adores it.

your cheek kisses? addicting. asking him how he’s feeling every hour with your sweet, nurturing voice? brings him to tears. scolding him about being stubborn? makes him feel loved. religiously refilling the humidifiers? he must marry you. burning his midnight oatmeal because you had to help him look for his whiteboard marker? funny.

“oh wait, it’s already 4pm. so you should eat dinner and take your meds first before cuddles.”

the medicine makes him drowsy, and considering that he is already drowsy, he knows he’s going to pass out to sleep as soon as his body gets tangled with yours. having a sore throat fucking sucks, but he’s kind of excited to get his longest sleep of the year yet.

—

jungkook heads straight to the table beside the window, letting you order alone so he doesn’t get charmed by the wide array of christmas-themed desserts displayed by the counter. the seductive smell of sweets permeate through every corner of the room, and it’s more than enough to have him drooling, really. but if he eats sugar, his voice’s time in prison will be extended.

he takes off his jacket, scarf, and mask to enjoy some warmth without the heavy layers. while he waits for you, he distracts himself with checking his inbox. he giggles quietly as he scrolls through the conversation between his members that took place earlier this noon. he was taking a nap at that time, courtesy of the medicine he took after breakfast. however, his attention gets torn away from the phone when he hears a gasp from another table.

it’s snowing pretty heavily again, engulfing the vibrant street in thicker piles of pure white. winter can sure be a nuisance, but god, is it breathtakingly magical. it’s fascinating how ice falling from the sky can transform a daily scenery into a wonderland of unadulterated joy. to jungkook, the human’s ability to breathe life into earth’s many natural processes gives him the enthusiasm to live through another cycle of the four seasons.

“snow is so pretty.” you sigh dreamily as you sit down beside him, sinking on the (personally, too) soft couch. “here’s your tea, babe. be careful. it’s still hot.”

mesmerized by what he calls his magic potion, he carefully picks up the cup by its handle. as he blows on the piping hot beverage, his gaze falls upon the saucer infront of you. it’s a blue donut with a snowflake intricately drawn on it— too pretty, he would feel bad about eating it.

“stop watching me. i feel bad.” you whine halfway through your donut, wiping the corners of your lips with a tissue paper.

your boyfriend feigns innocence, making a confused face before taking another sip of his tea.

“what do you want for dinner?”

with that question, he goes back to scrolling through his phone to look for a restaurant. craving to feel his warmth, you hold his waist as you rest your cheek on his toned bicep, curiously watching him navigate the food delivery app.

he shows you the chicken noodle soup from the family restaurant you’ve ordered from several times in the past. “yeah, that should be fine. as long as the meat and veggies are soft. put it as a request in the notes.”

he does as you told, explaining that he’s sick so he can only eat easy-to-swallow food. before he can proceed to the payment, you sneakily tap the plus sign beside the quantity to make order two servings. he look at you in question, because you always prefer rice over noodles.

“i’ll eat it with you. i want something warm in my tummy.” you smile sweetly, gesturing at the snow-covered street to reiterate your point.

you finish the rest of your donut while singing along to jingle bell rock, thighs bouncing along to the beat. your boyfriend watches you in amusement, laughing to himself when you mumble gibberish then sing louder when you know the lyrics again. after sending in the order, he shows you that it should arrive at your doorstep by 6pm.

he picks up his cup to finish the rest of his tea. he takes a small sip to find that it’s already at the perfect temperature. “mhmmm, so good.” he moans, eyebrows knitting in sheer delight as the warm liquid soothes his sore throat.

“jungkook!”

oh shit. right. he has a sore throat. that hurt.

his hand flies to cover his mouth, ‘oops!’ written all over his face.

you release a sigh. it’s the first proper sound you hear from him since the other night, so you can’t say that you’re mad. “is the tea that good?”

he snaps a thumbs up with a wink to confirm that ‘it’s the best!’ as he usually says. you conclude that the tea here is better than what he has at home, and so, you decide to secretly go here early tomorrow morning. his throat hurts the most after sleeping, and you’re hoping it would help put him in a good mood for the rest of the day.

jungkook wears his jacket again, and then the pink scarf. as it’s snowing harder and it’s getting colder, you take this opportunity to put the earmuffs on him.

“so cute.” you mutter quietly, kissing his cheek because it’s impossible not to shower him with love when your heart is overflowing with it. you roll your eyes when your boyfriend leans closer to wordlessly ask for another. nevertheless, you cup his face with your warm hand, kissing the mole on top of his cheekbone.

jungkook opens the umbrella the moment you step out of the bakery, and the sound of chimes get muted when the door closes on its own. the green eco-bag where the christmas lights are in gently swings as you walk back to the car parked three blocks away. parking was full almost everywhere so you had no choice but to go with whichever empty spot you saw.

you make a noise of confusion when jungkook suddenly grabs your arm to stop you from walking. he dishes out the phone from his pocket and begins typing using only his thumb. you remain standing there, motionless, waiting for him to communicate.

he pushes back his earmuffs a bit before showing you the screen. ‘baby do you want a pasta maker?’

“why would i want a pasta ma- do you want a pasta maker?”

‘they’re on sale at the store we went to :D’

you fail to hold back a laugh when you realize that he’s probably been thinking about it since you were waiting in line back at the store. “want to go back and let me buy it for you?”

‘i love you <3’

you hide a stupid grin under your mask, shyly pushing down the screen to hide it. “yah, we’re in the middle of the sidewalk.”

jungkook only giggles, stubbornly raising the screen to show it to you once more. you pull him over to the side when you see a big group of people about to walk by, accidentally stepping on a pile of snow that makes you an inch taller.

“i love you more.” you brush off the snow that fell on his hair, and you share a sincere smile that can be recognized even only through the eyes. “you promise that you’ll use it more than once?”

he replies with a fervent nod. and it’s his eyes again . . . it’s always those wide eyes shimmering with love and optimism. they make you feel as though you are capable of moving mountains and parting oceans and turning dust into gold. and as long as it’s for jungkook, those might just be true.

“alright. let’s go then.” your boyfriend takes that as the green light to grab your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as he excitedly tugs you back to the opposite way.

“walk slowly! i’m scared of slipping!” you whine in panic as you and jungkook leave behind footprints on the snow, temporarily carving the memories of today into stone.

—

taglist! @alanniys @jjkeverlast @queenofdragonsandcats @yvesismywife @enhypenslay @cramseys @witchfqllen @virgogentlejk @rkie @jeonwiixard @monilyv @bermudaisy @ameliejeannelaurent @takochelle @the1921-monsters @investedreader @seagulljk @yeow6n @yoonqkiss @hopeworldjimin @lllucere @unnatae @zqynmlk @bxbyyyjocelyn @zkdlllin @koostarcandy @tswisal1 @fragmentof-indifference @laylasbunbunny @jjk-jeongirl @cherishoshi @taexidriver @luaspersona @yn-lifeu + send an ask / dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

[moemoemammon]

If you’re up for writing a bit of angst 👀 I’d like to request an MC who ends up really jumpy and develops trust issues with the brothers since the bros have attacked them (and killed them) on several occasions. Like fr the amount of times you nearly die in the story is ridic 😂 (love your writing btw 🥰)

Trust Issues

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

Warning: Angst

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer understood your nervousness. After everything you'd been through, it's no wonder your reaction would be to keep yourself safe. And that meant keeping a distance, always having your guard up, flinching when he raised a hand anywhere near you. And... he hated that he'd allowed this to happen. No, he hated that he CAUSED this. Lucifer knows that human emotions are a delicate thing, yet he tried controlling you, threatening your well-being every time you stepped outside of the little box he drew for you, doing everything in his power to know what you were doing at all times. You had no privacy, and no freedom. Why would you be comfortable around him? It'd take him a long, long while to gain even an ounce of your trust, and he won't blame you if you deny him that. But for you, he'll set his pride aside to apologize again and again, as many times as it takes.

Mammon may not have tried physically harming you, but he did purposely put you in harms way time and time again. He’d always make little threats, always spoke about how he'd find some way to exploit and use you, and you never knew whether he was telling the truth or not because you didn't know him well enough. And despite the pact you have with him, it still feels like the two of you are strangers. How can you trust the word of a compulsive liar? As far as you know, he'd sell you for a corn chip. His clingy possessiveness is anything but endearing to you, knowing how he treats you like a possession and can't even express his true feelings. But he wants to! Damn it, he'll do it if that's what it takes to get you to stop looking so scared when you see him! He'll do it, so... smile a little, okay? Please?

Levi may seem like a weirdo who can't do much, but you know firsthand how powerful the third brother really is, and how emotionally unpredictable he is, too. He did nothing but insult and push you away from the start, and only wanted something to do with you when it benefitted him. And if that wasn't bad enough, he was 100% willing to murder you for beating him at a simple trivia game. So despite the pact that binds you two, Levi knows you'd rather be anywhere but near him. And.. he hates it. He sees how happy you are around others, but you never look like that around him! He gets it though... why would you be, when he's just a gross otaku..? He shouldn't have expected anything less, so... you won't have to worry about him bothering you. It's easier for you if he just stays away, right? What a fitting fate for a shut-in.

Satan saw you as nothing more than a disposable pawn in his game to topple Lucifer. From the moment you dropped into the Devildom he plotted how to use you to his advantage. If you died, Lucifer was sure to get an earful from Diavolo. What could be funnier than that? He attempted to use force to scare you into line, knowing it’d be nothing for him to really hurt you, and made sure you knew that too. So knowing that you can't stand the sight of him now... he understands. And it makes him sick to his stomach. It was you who helped him reconcile with Lucifer, but he can't even thank you properly because of the strain on your relationship. There aren't enough books in the world to help him erase all the fear he put into you, but he'll still try anyway. Little by little, Satan wants you to see him as someone who can protect you. He doesn't want to hurt you anymore.

Asmo and Satan saw you in a similar light. Dispensable, only put into their palms so they could use you. And as we all know, Asmo loves to bend those around him to his will. But when he realized his abilities had no affect on you, he only seemed to grow more desperate to have you. And not because he cared, but because you were something he had yet to taint. He wanted to mark every part of you, inside and out, until only he filled your head. But soon it started to turn the other way around, where YOU occupied his every thought. He... didn't understand it first, but the more he explored this feeling, the more he started to recognize it as love.

Beel literally saw you as a free meal. Be it your soul or your entire body, he wouldn't hesitate to swallow you up had it not been for Lucifer telling him not to. Why talk to a stranger when he could be eating, or wondering how Belphie was doing in the 'human world'? Your presence held as much importance to him as your life: none at all. That was clear when Mammon made you eat Beel's pudding, and he was ready to destroy the entire house over it. And with that stoic face of his and lack of self control, how could you be sure he wouldn't gobble you up in the heat of the moment? So as time passes and you bring his younger brother back into his life, Beel realizes he's never cared for anyone outside of his family in the same way he now cares for you. He wants to keep you close, treat you gently, show you how much he wants you, but... his insatiable appetite always reminds you of how easy it would be for him to make you into a meal, and he hates that. He'll ask his brothers for help right away.

Belphie knew this would happen. How else would you react to him, after literally dying by his hand? You'd never forget that empty, hateful look on his eyes when his fingers closed around your neck, and the way he triumphantly laughed when your lifeless body fell from his grasp and crumpled onto the floor. And to see how quickly he changed tunes and tried cuddling up to you... You didn't trust that at all. How would you know he wouldn't be set off again? Could he ever atone for what he did? Why should you trust him anyway, when he didn't nothing but lie from the start? And all because of an ill-placed grudge? Belphie keeps his feelings locked away in his heart, even when it feels like he'll burst. So for the feelings he has for you, he'll keep those locked away even deeper.

[kingsmedley]

"I just… I can't see it. I've never been able to see it. When I look inside myself, I see a gaping hole, no matter how hard I try to find something there. You say I have hidden kindness, but how can that be true when kindness comes so unnaturally to me? When I have to fight myself tooth and nail to do any good? When that love you see makes itself known in such painful ways? I'm mean. I push people away. I hurt the people I care for on purpose, and everyone else unthinkingly."

"I guess I'm not asking why you feel this way. I just don't think you deserve this. I don't see a reason for you to stick around and keep subjecting yourself to my bullshit when there are so many alternatives. Because I know that my counterparts aren't me, but I don't see myself as enough of a person to justify my presence. It's not worth it. And I think... I think them being counterparts exasperates that. Like, 'hey, maybe you could be more like this if you weren't such a fucking failure.'"

He laughed hollowly.

"I'm sorry. I know I must sound like a broken record, asking for the same assurances over and over again, but it just… never seems to stick. Even if I can accept it at the time, the moment you leave, it's like it never happened. I can't convince myself it's true. Or–I know you aren't going to leave me, but I start thinking, what if you should? What if it would be better if you left?

"And it's so frustrating, why can't I ever just be happy with anything? Why do I have to be the most important person in someone's life to feel like I mean anything to them at all? Why do I try to sabotage my own relationships and try to prove I'm unlovable when I'm not, I know I'm not. I've gotten so many people to love me and yet nothing's changed, I still act like this, I just have more people to hurt. And I try so hard to stop, to be good like you and Mr. H, and I fail, and I fail, over and over, because that’s not me, I'm bad, I'm bad, there's a reason no one loved me when I was alive, it's only because you're so good that you can see anything in me at all."

He didn't realize he was crying until he stopped talking, his vision clouded, his legs trembling so fiercely it was a miracle he was still standing. Had he ever admitted all of that out loud before? That he was fundamentally evil, that up until recently he had been convinced that the people who loved him were mere exceptions to the rule, and that the more he was loved, the guiltier he felt about it? He'd gone through this song and dance with Mr. H. It hurt. If he was being honest, it still hurt.

He wrapped his arms around Hope, pulling her in closer to the hug, and wailed. His hands itched to go elsewhere, and he tightened his grip.

He hated this. It sometimes felt like he would never be happy, not with all the help in the world. And he thought, maybe he should have let himself be erased, after he died. He would have been doing everyone a favor.

Highness || kingsmedley​:

@hopeful-hugz asked: Hope’s showing up to pull her brother into a hug. She can tell something is up. “…Talk to me, hon. What’s on your mind?”

“Hm?”

For a moment, he considered deflecting. Pulling out some innocuous trivia, or inventing some work-related stressor. But after all the honesty of the other night, would it even be fair to do that to her anymore?

Still, he was silent for a long moment, building up the bravery to speak.

“… Why me?” he asked eventually. “Of all the Kiryus you’ve met, why am I the one you keep coming back up, who you consider your brother? Is it just because I was the first one you met? Or because I’m gay, and there’s no chance of romance, or me rejecting you on a personal level? Or did you not know that at first, so you settled for what I could give you and went to Queenie to try for what you really wanted?”

He swallowed thickly.

“All that stuff you said about me being your other half… Mr. H said that, too. And all I can think is surely, that’s all the bad shit, right? There’s nothing good you could get from me that you couldn’t get from one of my counterparts instead, without all the… the difficulties attached.”

“Oh Highness…” The hug is tightened, before she’s resting her chin on his chest so he can look up at him. “It’s none of that, I assure you. The moment we first met, I knew there was something special there. You and I clicked, practically instantly. I can’t… quite articulate it in a way I’d like, but meeting you was like I’d found part of myself that I didn’t even know was missing. I knew you were my sibling even before I started calling Pops my dad. I’ve never had that reaction to anyone else and I’ve had… a lot of family, over the years. I call you my other half cause that’s what you are; we compliment each other and balance each other out like we’ve known each other for so much longer than we actually have. I look at you and see someone I’ve known forever. Someone who is a person with good and bad that balances out my own good and bad; who’s still finding his virtues and learning to embrace them. I see a boy with a hidden kindness and love under sins he clings to, that has so much more growing ahead of him and will surely find there’s more than he believes there to be. Someone I want to help grow and to grow with him, that I want to protect with my existence itself.”

“I know it’s scary seeing someone you love branch out beyond home, but it’s not about getting anything, I assure you. You, Luna, Requiem and the other counterparts across the universe are all individuals and all unique from each other. Sure, there’s some similarities, but everyone has those with other folks. It’s a part of being people, and that’s what we all are at the end of the day. Unique people with unique relationships and views, loves and families, hell even the breaths we all take are unique. You’re unique; and to me, you’re my little brother.” Her smile is soft, reassuring, exactly what you’d imagine from a big sister who cherished everything about her little brother and always would. “Truth be told, that crush didn’t start developing until we actually started getting to know each other more. It wasn’t a ‘click and I knew how you were going to be in my life,’ like it was with you. You were instant, he took time.”

“I’m not going to abandon you, Joshua. I know it may take some time for you to truly trust and believe that, but it’s the truth. I’ll keep fighting tooth and nail to keep my word on that, and to protect your city and timeline as well.”

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

I know this is just from the Potato Sack ARG so it's probably in no way canon but the very thought of this is sending me

Quick explanation for those who don't know: the Potato Sack ARG was a celebration upon the release of Portal 2 (hence the potato) where a bunch of easter eggs were added to a bunch of different Steam games that you could then decode and put into a website to get an early release of Portal 2. Amnesia the Dark Descent got 2 major pieces of the ARG's puzzle added to it for the event (and also released the Justine expansion and Remember short story collection), and here is one of them.

This is Elise Zimmermann leaving a phonograph message to Daniel. Read the pure beauty that is her tirade to the man who murdered her before I start dissecting it to point out my favorite parts. (I should let everyone know now I don't know how to add a Keep Reading so I'm very sorry for the length)

I lost my mind reading this the first time, I don't know how to explain how excited this made me

Let's dive into it, shall we?

We start off with Elise laying down the law, as she of course should. Gotta make sure Daniel understands where he stands as a person (Unfortunately, this is being said to New Daniel who hasn't even gone to Storage yet, so he has no idea what she's talking about). But even still....

Not "you monster." Not "you murderer." Not "inhuman" or "evil" or any number of words that would perfectly fit to describe Daniel. No, it's just "you selfish old boy." This is probably my favorite part of the whole thing

Now THIS is important. Elise would be totally within her rights to want vengeance upon this man, to want to see him die or see horrible things happen to him. But instead, she offers him redemption. Instead of taking the easy gratification of watching him get killed the way she was or something, she wants Daniel to really pay for what he's done. She wants to see him go through the hard work of atoning for his actions, which is not an easy thing to do!! She wants to see him

a. Fully understand and accept responsibility for what he's done

b. Feel guilt for doing a terrible thing (but not such crushing guilt that he erases himself just to not feel it anymore, that's just selfishness all over again)

c. Put in the effort and the work to pay for this thing, to truly balance the scales of justice and do something that will make it right

d. And then come out of this actually having become a better person

Elise is the REALEST!! How many times do you see this in real life or in fiction?? Not many!! Usually swift revenge is what people want the most, but LOOK at how wise this kid is!! It's more satisfying for her, more punishing for him, and has the added benefit of actually improving a person so they won't do this kind of thing again!! I cannot describe how much I love Elise Zimmermann

Now we're into the ARG stuff (the first letter to the answers of each of these spelled out the clue you were supposed to put into the website) but I still got a lot of enjoyment out of this. To me, this reads as... well, I have to explain a little

What I got from this (and it was sort of an inkling of an idea I already had that was affirmed by this) is that Elise's ghost is following Daniel around the castle. I mean, the Shadow, Alexander, the Gatherers, none of them can make doors blow open, lights go out, and books fly off the shelves by themselves. Those are all distinctly ghostly things to have happen. Not to mention the way the flame bursts to life seemingly of its own accord over the spot where Elise died. That was the one that really got me thinking about it. Who would care so much about Daniel seeing and understanding what had happened there? Probably the girl who had been murdered.

But now getting back to Elise's phonograph message. To me, this reads as Elise, having followed Daniel around this castle, is also reading all the notes Daniel finds over his shoulder. Much like New Daniel, Elise can't make heads or tails of a lot of the information he's finding. So to me it sort of feels like Elise is saying, "From the bits and pieces of your life I've been able to put together I'm very confused, please explain it to me, I'm invested now." Daniel's life is sort of like a soap opera for her to watch (honestly Daniel's life is a soap opera for New Daniel to watch too)

(Can you imagine her reaction to the drama of Alexander locking Daniel out of the Inner Sanctum though, right after he'd killed Elise?? She'd be like, "OHHHH THE TEA IS HOT!!!" )

(Also I love how offended she is that Daniel laughed when she mentioned Gabriel. My brother and I actually joked about this while making Elise in Miitopia, I will add that at the very end if you're interested in seeing it) (She's also quite offended that Daniel knows Gabriel at all which I also love)

This is my other very favorite part in the whole thing. She's fed up with Daniel's low sanity shenanigans, come on man the girl just wants her answers

And then I can only imagine this next part goes something like

Elise: "Where did you leave your sister?"

New Daniel: "I have a sister???"

Elise, completely done with him: "Daniel, you are going mad!! Go home, call on her, ask her name, and let her bring you home to England."

I feel like Elise is just thinking that Daniel's a complete idiot, which he is. I also love that we go from Daniel needing to redeem himself to Daniel just needing to go home and take care of his sister to Daniel needing to be taken care of by his sister. Her faith in his abilities is steadily decreasing.

Elise: Daniel, just go home and take care of your sister, okay? Can you manage that much?

Daniel: Who...?

Elise:

Elise: Never mind, go home and let your sister take care of you

(I do love that Elise wants to see Daniel get to go home and just be happy with Hazel though)

This ending is just to let you know what the puzzle is, but there you have it!! Elise's message to Daniel which is almost definitely not canon but in tandem with Waiting for the Rain made Elise my favorite character in the game besides Daniel. I love the thought of a sassy, judgy ghost child following the man who murdered her around the castle, seeing him wipe his memory and stumble terrified and confused through this nightmare of his own creation, and just realizing,

"Oh no"

"He's stupid"

And as she realizes he has no memory, this means he actually has a better shot at redemption than his former self ever would have 'cause he might not be as incredibly selfish (it probably doesn't hurt that in some of Daniel's low sanity ramblings in-game he doesn't realize that Elise's voice that he keeps hearing is a flashback, he thinks he's hearing a real little girl right now and is trying to find her and save her from whoever's chasing her)

"Okay Daniel, I'll allow you to redeem yourself, but only if you're not stupid"

Speaking of Waiting for the Rain, I just want to say real quick that reading that story was an emotional gutpunch for me for several obvious reasons, but one less obvious one was how much Elise and Daniel struck me as being alike. Their childhoods, their personalities, their want to escape their constrictive lives....The whole time I was reading it I just kept thinking, "No Daniel no!!" because the parallels between them are so strong, I couldn't help thinking if they'd met each other in a different situation they would've been really good friends. You can probably see where I'm going with this lol. This is clearly far from the ideal situation, and Daniel doesn't know Elise is following him through the castle, but if he did, like in the Potato Sack ARG, I think that'd be a pretty great dynamic to see for them, strange and wrong as it is to say

So there is my take on Daniel and Elise for this all but nonexistent fandom nowadays to do as they please with. Disaster ghost child realizes her murderer is functionally a new person and an idiot so decides to help him as best she can (while also still constantly insulting and scaring him at every opportunity).

Bonus: If anyone is interested in hearing Elise's voice actress deliver this I did eventually manage to find a video of it!!

Bonus bonus (just our dumb joke while trying to pick Elise's eyes):

When the guy chasing you laughs when you mention Gabriel

When he pulls out a knife