#he died but he needs to die again

[sleepii-moth]

literally cannot underestimate the pure hatred i feel every time i see him

[dreadark]

maybe the real tragedy of alien stage round 6 isn’t that they’re in an idol death game or even the string of unrequited love here but rather that someone could believe the feelings he held for years and gave him the strength to go on were too shallow to ever express properly

so he dies thinking he wasn't cared for at all

[doodlebloo]

I’m sure I’ve said this but Penelope Scott “Feel Better” is so c!Tubbo it’s actually insane.

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

I need more Yassen Gregorovitch in my life

I have rewatched like the series but of only his scenes like three times since I made that one post about how normal that was to do when you’re being completely normal about a character

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

If anxiety was a doctor who episode it would just be Boom on repeat

[moonlightdancer26]

Me when I remember that Snape would’ve not only been much happier in life but would have so many less tiring debates about him if he had just remained a loyal Death Eater instead of defecting and sacrificing himself for a world that hated him while getting nothing in return:

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter

A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering. 

TO: Nico di Angelo 

FROM: Jason Grace 

Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—

However you found this, I guess, surprise! :) 

First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back. 

I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left. 

I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you. 

Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me. 

It has to be. 

Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete. 

If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid. 

Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late. 

Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person? 

Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you. 

I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me. 

I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never— 

Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues: 

That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.

-- Jason Grace :)

[fiercestcorpse]

still absolutely baffled by the fact that when the untamed got popular on here you had people posting stuff like "i know it seems kind of weird and confusing for the first couple of episodes but don't worry, it picks up after that" like what the hell are you talking about. i loved the first couple of episodes. i was having the time of my life right from the opening monologue and it only got better from there.

[eikichi-supremacy]

hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

[lesbianismsm]

I JUST GOT TO ACT 5 THIS GAME MAKES ME SO SADDDDD

[pumpkinrootbeer]

Sorry not to be a haymitch apologist but actually I'm not even saying his behavior was the correct choice but his decision to not tell them about the escape plan in catching fire fits perfectly with a person who didn't even trust the water in his games.

keep in mind just before the games started peeta and katniss showed they couldn't be trusted when they went in for their private sessions. Their actions were only to prove to the game makers they were more than their game and haymitch is so upset when he sees their scores he can't bare to look at them. These two, god bless them, are not rational thinkers in the best of times! haymitch is also concerned with getting his friends out alive.

and yeah, it was a dumb decision that got people killed but there is reasons for it and the biggest one is haymitch does not trust, ever. he certainly doesn't trust people to make the correct decisions when lives are at stake.

[phoenixcatch7]

Okay but like Peter Parker reincarnated as dick grayson angst

[kennyomegasweave]

Oh the rape scene between Jump, Soong, and Teena was very hard to watch. I second First's WHAT IN THE FUCKING SERBIAN FILM IS THIS SHIT. Because what in the fucking Serbian film was that shit.

Also, he just left his man after he had to rape his homie and being held at gun point by what looked like the straights from the football team? Alright First, really felt the love you have for Soong there my guy. And Zouey left Teena too right? 🤔🤔🤔 Like even Captain tried to wake up Puen to drag him out cause he realized he was not down for any of that shit. Light maiming and torture of his one sided romantic rival? Sure. Full on murder? Hard pass.

They're all just stupid little mean boys in way over their heads. I'm scared to see how many people are gonna die in the last two episodes because I just don't see everyone making it out. But I'm still very excited of it all.

[quirkle2]

Hi!!! zombie au question, what's the scene where Mob snarls at Ritsu? Like what was the reason and what happened?

helloooo!!!! gives u a cool rock

he does it from hunger. it's the dead of winter where it's rly hard to traverse on foot, so they haven't been able to search as many places as they typically do. they're low on food and in a bad spot rn—practically in the middle of nowhere, on some country road, and even any food they could find in the woods is dead

all three of them are definitely starving by now, and they need food desperately. it's Very cold and while they have good coats to get them through most of it, it's reaching very dangerous temps. trudging through several feet of snow while you're shaky and tired and ur stomach feels like its eating itself,, it takes So much energy from u

tome Finally finds a couple bags of chips or smth somebody left behind at some gas station, so they settle in for the night there. ritsu hands mob a bag and he starts tearing at it, and remembering that he should open it for him first, he reaches over and says "oh sorry shige lemme—"

and mob rips the bag away and snarls. it's very loud and it's very sudden and ritsu jerks away from him and presses himself against the wall on instinct. there's genuine aggression to it and it's a real actual warning to not take his food away even for a second, and the way his eyes r alight with that animalistic desperation makes ritsu kinda sick to his stomach

tome watches in disbelief and neither of them can rly do anything except watch him bite at the bag with his teeth, pop it open, and eat some of the plastic along with the contents. he'd been growling more and more at littler and littler things for the past few days, but ritsu didn't think he was so desperate for food he'd snarl at him like that...

they both eat their share in silence and wonder what woulda happened if they hadn't found this place when they did

[madou-dilou]

"Hey uncle Scar, when I'm king, what does that make you ?" "A monkey's uncle."

bonus under the cut