#he did a bad thing but he can do better

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[snekdood]

"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.

[somegrumpynerd]

Actually it turns out I had more thoughts about that post that I forgot about lol

Would Nightmare actually give up his boys? Yes and no

If it was just a black and white situation of they're miserable, they don't wanna be here, they have somewhere better to be, then yes. He would leave them out to wherever they needed to be despite his own feelings and very quickly realise afterwards just how much he'd gotten used to the noise and company. I think he would get a little clingy with Dream about it, which I'm sure Dream would find very weird after everything but not unwelcome, he did miss his brother after all.

(If he couldn't attach himself to Dream's side for whatever reason, I think he might just sit in his castle and go insane. Or maybe he'd just spend all day at Ccino's trying really hard to project that he just likes the atmosphere and isn't lonely as hell)

But the thing is, most of them don't have somewhere better to be. Horror has his au, and Nightmare would keep up the supply of food even if Horror said he wanted to quit at this point, so he would understandably let him return home. Killer, Dust and Cross effectively don't have aus anymore though, and they tend to get into self-destructive habits when they're left to their own devices. (Obviously bringing Color and Epic into the mix to make sure Killer and Cross are taken care of eases matters, but Dust doesn't really have any friends outside their group he could go stay with - that Nightmare knows about at least).

The flipside of this is that his boys may not necessarily want to be given up. I think if Nightmare got really in his head about this he could easily end up convinced this is the right thing to do without ever asking them if it's what they want, with potentially terrible results. He's established such a pattern of always returning to find Killer when they get seperated, that if he never showed up Killer might just keep sitting there and waiting for him greyfriar's bobby style, refusing to leave because he's certain his boss is coming back.

[s1lv3rp4w3dc4t]

shout out object shows with canon queer ships. I'm talking on screen kiss or even just verbal confirmation. all things considered it's a bit strange you don't really see them that much when you think about how gay everyone here is. I love you ii but c2bc did what you didn't and I think that's actually really nice.

[worstloki]

there is a difference between being born to a throne, maliciously vying for a throne, stealing a throne, and having a throne thrust upon you when you are already in the midst of an identity crisis. And I fear Loki's place in the line of succession has people unable to differentiate between any of these

[necrotic-nephilim]

for the ask game (1)

au where bruce is attracted to his robins and batgirls. he tries not to think about it or act on it, but it's getting more difficult with every new member of his team he acquires. does anyone know? do the robins and batgirls notice his weird behavior? what do they do about it? do they ever find out the truth? who would think it's terrible and who would find it strangely hot/comforting/nice? does bruce ever act on his feelings?

for the ask game!

oh my GOD do i have thoughts for AUs like this, i love this shit so dearly, dirtybadwrong Bruce who's trying to keep a lid on it my beloved.

i think the fun of this AU is if characters would notice Bruce lusting for themselves vs would they notice Bruce lusting for a different Robin/Batgirl. like does Dick pick up on it when it's just him and Bruce? no, because it's just. him and Bruce. he and Bruce are weird and complicated and hold endless bounds of nuance. that's just How Bruce Is, and Dick is the "test run", in a sense. he knows Bruce is new to this whole sidekick/family thing and is giving Bruce grace for being rough around the edges. but when Bruce starts looking at Jason or Tim or Cass that way, that's when Dick starts to notice. it's never enough of a suspicion he feels justified to bring it up, but the thought lingers. he's hyperaware and grows less and less comfortable with leaving them alone with Bruce. it's a weird game of chicken, Dick and Bruce staring each other down when Bruce's touch lingers too long. each waiting for the other to say something first. if Bruce ever broke and actually acted on his feelings, Dick would be eaten alive by the guilt of knowing something was up, but never saying something until it was too late.

obviously, Cass would know. there's no world where Cass *doesn't* know, the nature of who and what she is would immediately clock it. but the issue is, Cass doesn't have a good framework of what family looks like. she doesn't really understand familial vs romantic love bc she has no firsthand experience of what a parent's love should even look like. so she never calls it out. she just watches. i'm a fan of Cass believing this is normal and believing she too can express and act on attraction that's vaguely incestuous. maybe it's with Babs, maybe it's with Dick or Tim or Bruce himself. but she recognizes this as Normal and Accepted within the Batfamily, so it severely fucks up her understanding of familial love and i just. man it's my favorite thing about Cass in Batcest honestly, is how you can play with her lack of experience with love, boundaries, and sexuality.

Tim is the fun one for me. because my favorite flavor of BruTim is when Tim knows, as he agrees to be Robin, that there's a non-zero chance that Bruce is going to be Weird and agrees anyway because he's decided it's an acceptable risk. so Tim knows from the get-go because he's expecting it. if Bruce acts on his attraction, i think it's either with Tim or Cass first, because they're the most likely to confront him about it in a way that isn't entirely negative. Tim has accepted it's a possibility and Cass just seeks being loved and touched so. it leads to the first time someone's ever confronted Bruce about it. and the thing is, Bruce really doesn't like confrontation about his flaws. the first time Tim tries to imply he's okay with it, Bruce would lash out at the idea, tell Tim how inappropriate that is and benches Tim for a week. it'd probably take a united front from Cass and Tim to get Bruce to even *admit* to the attraction. still Bruce wouldn't allow it to happen and he brushes them off until finally, the dam breaks. it's fun if there's a cause like sex pollen, but i think it's *more* fun if it's just. a random fucking Tuesday and finally Bruce is at his limit. he has no real reason, there's nothing particularly different about that day's routine. he just sees Tim or Cass striping armor and sighs and gives in.

i don't think Steph, Jason, or Babs would notice until anything substantial happened. not because they're not wicked smart, but just because none of them were looking for it. Jason put Bruce on a pedestal when he was alive, and when he came back from the dead he wasn't close enough to be noticing Bruce's interpersonal dynamics outside of his narrow scope. Steph has no real framework for what healthy fatherhood looks like, so if Bruce's touches linger, if he stares too long, she just shrugs and assumes it's how it is. and Babs was just never quite close enough to Bruce to notice. if and when she notices, is when actual sexual things start to happen between Cass and Bruce. because Cass would see no reason to hide it. Babs would be pissed, but it'd be tricky to navigate. Cass would be an adult, even if she's only 18/19, so technically, she's old enough to be consenting. if nothing else, Bruce is a careful man. even when he breaks and gives in to his desires, he covers his tracks well. he makes sure he has enthusiastic consent and there's no legal recourse that could be taken. age of consent and all that. there's not much Babs can *do* other than try to tell Cass (and/or Tim) that this isn't normal or okay. not that it gets her anywhere, but god would she try.

by the time Duke comes along (if we venture out of the pre-Flashpoint era) i think it's a sort of. open secret, in the Batfamily. talked about in nothing but hushed whispers and knowing glances. at some point, they've all had sex with Bruce, caving all for different reasons. some more than others. Tim sees it as a duty, Cass sees it as a way of seeking comfort, Steph sees it as getting Bruce's approval for once, etc. it's never forced on them, but eventually, they all come to Bruce sooner or later. and that's the fun irony of it, i think. they try to convince the others not to, but would go to Bruce on their own well. because complicated reasons they can't put into words. sometimes, Bruce is just a messy man who doesn't realize how prized his Attention to for the rest of the Batfamily. that weird duality of not liking him, but also wanting desperately for him to like you. all of them have dealt with it, at some point. so for Duke, it takes a while for him to understand this... whole dynamic. it's Cass who tries to explain it to him, and he's a little horrified, a lot confused. especially when Bruce starts staring at him a little too long as well. i think he'd only want to watch first but well. they all cave eventually.

also fun bonus if we venture into the Dark Knight Returns universe for my bestest girl Carrie Kelley: there's such a like, "i'm fucking around and i'm finding out" vibe to Carrie. like Tim, she's very proactive in just. deciding she's going to be Robin and she's ready for whatever that entails. (IMO canon Carrie is closer to fanon Tim than canon Tim is but *that* deserves its own post-) like she takes one look at the old man that is Batman and goes yup. he's never fucking getting rid of me now. if Bruce started having weird feelings about her, i think she'd have *fun* with it. she's decided she's in it for the long haul and for whatever being Robin means so. she's almost teasing about it, seeing how hard she can push before Bruce snaps. since it's an older, gruffer Bruce, i think he'd express open annoyance at it first, almost a sort of banter about how Carrie behave. but of course he caves and Carrie leans into it, because there's a fun in having all of Bruce's attention to herself. in the main timeline, Bruce is pretty split with so many Robins and Batgirls, but during their era, it's *just* her and him and she's very proud she's got him all to herself.

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

Can I say something kinda wild and controversial? No? Alright I'm saying it anyway. "Fans" who dismiss Liam as simply an "abuser" are hypocrites if they support Zayn. Hear me out! I personally, would never reduce either of these men to that label, but the fact of the matter is: there is actual court evidence that Zayn was charged with counts of harassment and he didn't contest them. Now, within the context of the situation, does that make him an "abuser" or a bad/violent person. No, not in my opinion. But the point still stands: there were actual court proceedings in which Zayn was charged with counts of harassment and had to do anger management courses because of it. Now, on the other hand, we have Liam. Liam, who has been villainized and accused by one ex-girlfriend (who was selling a book about their relationship btw) for which there is no evidence or charges (available to the public at least), and yet, he is the man who has been painted as abusive? Liam Payne's death, his memory, the effect he had on all the people in his life, the kindness and joy he shared with the world, all of that can be dismissed because you believe he's nothing more than an abuser? Right right, but Zayn? Zayn's totally fine in your books. Okay, sure.

It's guilt. These people feel guilty for the way they treated Liam all these years, and telling themselves that he was a bad person and that he deserved their ridicule is the only way for them to deal with their guilt. It has nothing to do with any sense of justice, it's a fucking scapegoat. And I don't buy it.

[theramblingvoid]

I'll be honest I never really gave Tim a second thought on my first listen through, but on a relisten I've realized that yeah actually that's me. That would be me. I too would get really frustrated and angry and make a million bad sarcastic jokes if I was trapped in The Office That Makes You Die Badly and could do nothing but wait around to die badly in the office. And also still had to fill out timesheets. I mayhaps would also lose my composure just a little actually.

[kabutoden]

FUCK THE KARKAT VANTAS PLUSH THEY CUT ME OFF FOR FUCKING REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I WAS GOING TO MAKE A KARKAT VANTAS PLUSH AND SELL IT TO THE PEOPLE!! I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!!! I HAD A MARKETABLE PLUSHIE DESIGN AND EVERYTHING!!!! DO YOU SEE THIS FUCKER??? DO YOU SEE HIM??? DO YOU FUCKING SEE HIM?

I SAID IT TO ALL MY FREINDS!! TO MY FAMILY!! 'gonna make a marketable plushie out of this dog hes sellable as fuck' FUCK!!!! THEY FUCKING GOT TO IT BEFORE ME AND THEIR DESIGN ISNT EVEN GOOD!!! WHY IS THE HAIR LIKE THAT ITS FUCKING makeship THEY CAN MAKE SOME PRETTY QUALITY WORK!! ITS GOING TO COST 30 DOLLARS YOU DIDNT FUCKING NEED TO skIMP ON THE HAIR!!!!! PROMISE!!! WHAT IS THIS A FUCKING FNAF PLUSH??? ARE YOU JOKING??? WHO DID YOU COMMISSION TO MAKE THIS PLUSH DEISNGNNNNN WHY IS THE HAIR FLATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!!! IT WAS HALF THE REASON I MADE THIS STINKIN COMIC AND NOW I HAVE 60 MORE PAGES I WANT TO FINISH NOOOOO FUCKKKKKKKKKK NOW I HAVE OFFICIAL COMPETITIONNN WHYYYY

its fine. im fine im. FIIIIIINEEEEEEEE. its on me for not working on aphids... f in the fucking chat (this post is not very serious)

[chrollogy]

[thatonecrookedsmile]

Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.

-Record-

-----

Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.

Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.

After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.

Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."

[dykedvonte]

I beg people in the MW to think very carefully when they talk about mental illness and physical disability cause it’s not as straight forward and easy to diagnose/depict as you think…

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 12 thoughts

so. we must return to see what is going to happen to cassandra and mulder and scully!!! and also spender and diana and CSM!! but they’re of less importance to me!!! because mulder and scully are my best friends!!

i am anticipating: some angst, a spender death or exile, a bizarre plot point with krycek that will never again be addressed, and mulder trusting diana despite all signs saying he should absolutely not. and me yelling at my screen while that goes down. AND maybe some more scully diving into her trauma from the abduction. and CSM somehow making it out unscathed. or only mildly scathed. 

post-episode thoughts: this episode pissed me off and gave me a headache.

also, re: my predictions- i got a bingo.

let’s go!!!

omg, my laptop thinks i’m on s7 because i somehow let a bunch of episodes play all night... LMAOOO!!! it wants me to watch 7x03- GIRL!!! we are not there yet!!! do not rush me!!!

we open with mulder narrating- a key feature of these mytharc episodes- over a photo of his father and CSM. and again, i still cannot tell which is supposed to be which, because they do not look at all like any of the versions of the characters we have been previously introduced to. unless i wasn’t paying attention when he showed that picture from his scrapbook, and these are the same actors that featured in that brief shot. in which case: i apologize.

is he burning the photo??? or is that just a fun fire overlay to indicate the dramatic nature of the subject matter? he’s talking about the generation of his father being hardened by war.

bro just used the term “hurly-burly” seriously in a sentence. i think i need him.

omg!!! i see younger CSM now!! from the 70’s!!! and his buddies from the syndicate!!! did they put modern CSM's actor in a bunch of makeup to achieve this look? or did they have another guy about 20 years younger with a similar face shape on standby? fascinating questions are being raised here…

younger CSM is presenting an american flag to the aliens. and they are just little guys. they don’t look scary at all. must be those are what they look like in their raw form. that is, when they’re not shapeshifting. hmm…

just little dudes. intent on colonization. but they look so... cartoonish.

much to ponder. is victory the absence of defeat, as mulder claims the syndicate mistakenly believed?

YAY FOX MULDER FBI BADGE :D yay blurry sequence of them opening the door holding guns! intro time!!!

there hasn’t been a change in the display text in a while. usually we only get that for mytharc stuff, so i was lowkey expecting it today. i guess one must expect the unexpected. and not expect the expected. amen.

back to cassandra begging to be shot in mulder’s apartment!!! while scully is yelling!! 

but the door is broken down before he can make a choice on if he should shoot or not!! there are people in hazmat suits entering his place!! are they spraying our agents?? is cassandra somehow a contamination threat?? or is this simply an excuse to take her?

these people are from the CDC!! and the agents and cassandra are going to be taken into custody over a contagion of unknown origin!! is that diana in the hazmat suit telling them this?!? or just some random person? because why would diana be with the CDC?

mulder sadly showers in a sad quarantine facility. and so does scully. but they don’t seem to be looking at each other.

OH! he just looked down at her. THEY’RE LOWKEY INSPECTING EACH OTHER, LMAO. now. i imagine that they’re trying to see if there is any sort of contagion on each other. but it would be funny to imagine otherwise. gaze upon the sad showering naked body of your partner. let that eye contact do the talking.

(still thinking about this the next day as i edit my notes. i will need to ponder this moment for a few decades. guys, you don't have time to be flirting right now. put a pin in it. circle back.

also, i can imagine nothing less romantic. they've seen each other naked a bunch of times now, and it's always been for decidedly un-sensual reasons. in clinical-adjacent settings. how strange it must be to see your crush half or barely dressed with regularity, but never in a romantic light. is it ethical to steal glances at each other while the government takes you hostage? so much to ponder)

and then they are buzzed with some weird machines. scully wants to know who will tell them what this is about!! and her wet hair is SO CUTE. OH MY GOD. i need to emphasize how CUTE it is. i’m sorry she is in distress; i genuinely apologize. but. i’m. gonna embarrass myself over here. 

mulder asks where they are, and scully says probably fort marlene. which is so cool of her. she can guess which secret quarantine facility they were transported to based on their travel time. shoutout to scully. with wet hair. locked in this sad little cell with mulder.

and it *is* diana who comes in!!!! she says that she is very sorry, but cassandra might have contracted an organism that makes her blowup. which scully clearly thinks is the stupidest thing she has ever heard, LMAO. 

diana, you're literally not even in the hazmat suit anymore. clearly you don't even believe this nonsense. nor have you made an attempt to indicate you do. i'm crying. "okay, you guys might have a super secret alien blowing up disease, so we'll need to take you far away from others for their protection, but let me come on in and join ya" ijbol

diana says that she just HAD to take cassandra, and scully is calling her nonsense out- she was in a hospital for days!! no one was sick!! but mulder is trying to interrupt. SIT DOWN, MAN. 

OH, DO NOT SNAP AT HER, MULDER!!! diana is gonna piss me tf off. what does scully being suspended from her position at the FBI have to do with her being a medical doctor and knowing that you’re full of absolute nonsense?!?!?

diana just HAD to get that dig in there.

SCULLY GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY, LMAOOOO. do NOT fuck with her.

she was so mad she had to leave AND they have no clothes. truly a terrible situation to find yourself in.

“mulder, this stinks. and not just because i think that woman is a… (she looks at him shuffling around) well, i think you know what i think that woman is” <- LMAOOOOOO

“no, actually, you hide your feelings very well”

giggling. a little bit. and not a lot bit. because i’m still angry at him for snapping at her. 

there is something very funny about scully being unable to conceal her disdain. poised and polished scully can't hold her tongue. i find it endearing.

apparently, skinner heard spender make the phone call to the CDC. scully thinks it’s nonsense- it’s a fancy kidnapping, and it’s remarkable that cassandra was well. mulder points out she did come to his apartment and asked to be killed. but she said that was because people were after her, and if they got her the world would end, not because she had spontaneous combustion disease. which i feel is an important distinction.

scully says cassandra wanted to be killed because she wanted the testing to stop- the same testing that happened to her :( and mulder says she’s "the one"

krycek is in new york city, talking about medical records with CSM. hmm. what is he doing there?

no one can decide how to pronounce cassandra’s name, lmao. cah-sahn-dra or cah-SAND-dra. the syndicate says that when the aliens learn of her, colonization will begin, and so regardless of how you say her name, they have to kill her now.

but CSM says no! he says let cassandra be turned over!!! save ourselves!!

“bill mulder was against this” well. y’all had him killed. so. what do you care what he thinks?

“bill mulder sacrificed his only daughter because he knew this day would arrive”

i had kind of thought that the whole “bill mulder sacrificing samantha” thing was a coverup for a totally random and tragic accident, but this confirms, i suppose, that my assumption was incorrect. i guess they also mentioned that in FTF. hmm. not sure which interpretation is more poignant. i do kinda like the idea that she was the favorite, though, and that is why our mulder stayed behind. he wanted to save her. and left him to pick up the pieces. it's an angsty thought to dwell on.

CSM asks what choice they have “if we want to see those we sacrificed return to us” <- did they ALL sacrifice people?? as an agreement to not snitch?? so bill mulder wasn’t the only one who had to do so?? there are many implications here….

back at fort marlene, mulder is in some very ill-fitting clothes, yelling around for shoes that fit him. he sees someone in the distance and runs after. is he being lured into a trap?

peeeek into that door, strange, tall man. this woman says she can’t be seen with him. IT’S MARITA??? OH MY GOSH!!!

i was wondering if we would ever see her again!!!!

she looks so sick. so, so, horribly sick. she says they have done terrible tests on her. new tests, with the alien virus and the vaccine. to try and buy time against the colonists. and they couldn’t buy enough time, because cassandra spender happened.

she says if the aliens learn of cassandra, there will be no stopping of the plans. and she leaves. 

woah… an unexpected cameo on her behalf. i feel very bad for her. may she make a full recovery and return to doing whatever it is she does, exactly. sneak about.

spender rushes into a room with diana to find his mother!! she’s hooked up to a million wires. she wants to know why they’re keeping her here. and spender says they’re keeping her safe from dad!!! and there won’t be anymore tests!!!

she says he doesn’t understand, but he insists he does. and she says he has to let her go, he has to let them hurt her, or everyone dies. she begs and begs, but he leaves. 

knock at the gunmen’s door!! who goes there? has frohike always had a ponytail? IT’S MULDER!! but is it really him?? did he really break out?? or is it an alien?

scully called him here!!! she has information on diana!!! and he doesn’t want to hear it!! 

she says he’s being manipulated by her, and that he knew her in the past, but he doesn’t anymore. if he won’t listen to her, may he please listen to his only friends.

oh. this isn’t going to go well. 

there are no records of her in europe for 7 years. and she took WEEKLY TRIPS TO AND FROM TUNISIA?? is she with the bee people?? she was visiting every european chapter of the UFO network (MUFON) and collecting data on the abductees!!!

he says she’s reaching…. omfg… BRO. you believed in the CHUPACABRA.

yes. guilt him with the story of your abduction, scully. remind him how he couldn't protect you. rub it in. make him realize.

if cassandra is the critical test subject, there had to be others!!! and why has diana, of all people, been assigned to her?! and why is there no information on any of the things she has been doing for the last 7 years? and why is she suddenly back in his life??

OH SHIT!! he still won’t believe her. the gunmen look around awkwardly…

“well, then i can’t help you anymore” <- GET HIS ASS!!

“scully, you’re making this personal” YOU TRUST YOUR EX OVER HER?? YOUR PARTNER OF HOW MANY YEARS NOW?!? YEAH, I WOULD BE MAKING IT PERSONAL TOO!!!!

“because it IS personal, mulder. because without the FBI, personal interest is all i have. and if you take that away, then there is no reason for me to continue” <- YES!!! YOU TELL HIM!!!!! WALK AWAY!!!

augh. this is so frustrating. why can’t he open his EYEBALLS?! and SEE!! and i don’t believe for a second that scully will just leave him to it. she will want to save cassandra. and get herself in so much more trouble in the process. and try to save the world, of course. while he sits there and drags his stupid feet in their stupid too small shoes. so yes. leave his ass. do it by yourself if you have to.

mulder is going to watergate. well. why do that? is he gonna meet diana? oh god. yes. he is. he knocks at her door. 

he takes out a lock pick when she doesn’t answer and just. goes in there. i guess now he’s serious about getting results. she seems to have a nice place. he finds cigarettes. and some bras. 

but the door opens!!! and in walks CSM!!!!

mulder has his gun pointed at him!!!

this has to be all the proof he needs!!!! if CSM is here, clearly they are working together for nefarious purposes!!! LOOK!!! USE CONTEXT CLUES, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

CSM caught mulder going through the drawers, and says he has a lingerie fetish which is crazy. damn. low blow from the guy who made his career on low blows.

OHHHH... mulder pulls him up to a sofa, has the gun right at his forehead, and says he has nothing to lose. 

“i remember looking over a gun barrel at you once before, agent mulder” <- YES SO DO I!!! and it was amazing. love when he would burn the world down to avenge scully. even if he chose to find peace and say goodbye to her instead of resorting to violence. remember how loyal he was?!

“you couldn’t pull the trigger then. what makes you think you can now?” (he cocks the gun) LMAOOOO. fuck around and find out.

but CSM says he came here looking for his son. because he has betrayed him, and joined mulder's side. “that presumes my cause is wrong” “oh, it is, agent mulder, it is”

CSM is laughing as mulder says he’s not the one using innocent lab rats. he says his father was against it, too. the lone dissenter. but he came to his senses and gave up samantha. 

mulder says you FORCED him to do that, he didn't want to! but CSM laughs again, saying he’s wrong. and we jump back to 1973. “that was your father’s objection: that we would ally ourselves with the alien colonists”

so he bought them some time, i guess? so they could try and come up with a way to defeat them?

“you put those lives on hold so that you alone could survive”

“no, agent mulder, so YOU could. that’s exactly what your father failed to realize. he railed at us, and our plans, even as the process has begun” hmm…. hmmmmm….

and then we see the syndicate from 1973, and a ton of children walk in!! CSM says they agreed to painful sacrifices. including cassandra!!! he gave the aliens his wife!!! so they all had to give someone up as insurance they wouldn't rebel, i suppose.

mulder is furious they sent them away like things, but CSM says it was the right thing to do, so they would come back to them. and the kids are shown crying as the aliens come to fetch them. including samantha.

mulder calls him a liar. he points out that she was taken in front of him, not in some hangar. but CSM says that was because bill didn’t realize that he also had to give up a child, as the aliens demanded. it was the only way they could get THE ALIEN FETUS??

WHERE DID THE FETUS COME FROM???!

they needed the fetus to get the alien genome to make the hybrid- the new race who would survive the holocaust. so he could survive. and live to see his sister. 

mulder is furious. he sits down. and asks if CSM has succeeded. he says they did in spite of themselves, as the plan was only to buy time; they never thought they would actually come up with a solution. and when mulder asks about the vaccine, CSM says it was his father’s idea. but it’s too late, and the colonization is going to begin.

a state of emergency will be declared. due to the bee disease. yes, we have been over this. 

i am only halfway through the episode and i have taken SO many notes. i feel this is a good place to check in and gather my thoughts. 

how do i feel about this world building? well, i don’t know whether or not to believe it, to start. but it feels…. idk. too neatly put together. also, again, i ask: where did the fetus come from? did i miss something? am i silly?

hmm. idk. maybe it’s just that i don’t watch this show for the whole alien colonization subplot, so it doesn’t feel super interesting. i guess it is kind of neat to learn about why all the choices that have been made have been made, and to feel those mysterious undercurrents bubbling beneath the surface, but getting the answers directly feels kinda cheap. and i don’t buy for a second that CSM was doing all of these terrible things for the right reasons. don’t try and make me feel bad for him. not gonna work, buddy. it all fits together too neatly.

i guess now we should go back to the plot at hand, which, shall i remind us all, is going on IN diana’s apartment.

CSM says he must hand over cassandra and the colonization will begin. and mulder cannot stop it now, or else he will never see his sister again. 

“it’s what your father realized. it’s what you’ll realize as your father’s son. or die in vain with the rest of the world”

okay. i feel like i’m not getting something, because why would mulder live if everyone else dies?? did his father somehow agree to spare him when he gave them samantha? and by “spare” him, we of course just mean he will survive to get turned into the alien slave race, right? because the vaccine isn’t ready yet. or at least not available to the masses. so the aliens will kill everyone but spare the syndicate and their families and make them slaves?? and why not just make everyone slaves then?? it sounds like they'd get more done that way. what do they even want to do with earth??

girl. who knows?

CSM hands him a paper, saying to save her, and save himself. and then he leaves. mulder is perplexed. but so am i. so i guess we’re matching.

spender comes to the syndicate place in new york!! looking for his father!!! and who does he find but krycek!!! who says he’s gone. and they aren’t coming back. they went to west virgina, where they will begin medical preparations to receive the hybrid genes.

okay. that clears up part of my confusion. i guess i didn’t realize that genes were transferable. but also, they did transfer them into cassandra. but i thought that was only focused on women? or was the reason they only chose women so they could get a two-for-one by experimenting on them to make full alien hybrid adults and also make the alien hybrid children? 

sigh. does anyone know what’s going on?

also, why isn’t krycek there in west virginia with them? what is he planning?

he says CSM went to get cassandra, and that his doctors are already looking at her. spender thinks he has her locked away, but. alas. krycek says she’s probably being prepped as they speak. 

cassandra is being swarmed by doctors. and she is screaming and screaming as they drug her. i find myself genuinely terrified. and CSM walks in, saying he needs a few minutes. she calls him the biggest bastard of all. she’s crying, saying the others never question his authority, even though he’s a coward. 

he wants to talk about the future, not the past. he says they’re here now because of what he’s done. but for so many years, she didn’t understand it was all him. he says he ordered the tests, but he didn’t want to harm her- he wanted to save her and their son. 

so what i'm hearing here is "i am very sorry i spent all that time torturing you, but i did it to save the elite few. and i'm not really that sorry" which is... a choice?

she says you can never save spender, because he knows what CSM has done to her…

wow. normally i like to add my own thoughts to these recounts of events, but it’s going too fast for me to even gather them. the minute i have formulated a thought, another thing has happened and takes its place.

there is only one way to save spender, she says. but CSM says he can’t kill her. and he runs away. 

diana comes back to her apartment and finds mulder. he says he came here looking for evidence. she swears that she is loyal to him and the x files. lying through her TEETH.

mulder says he found no evidence of her being a traitor, but he says fate found him. he found CSM. and he says that he knows he must give up so the ones he loves can survive. 

don’t touch him queen. she takes the paper from his hand. “that’s where we need to be if we want to survive it” <- HE WANTS TO BRING HER?!? this has to be a trap, right?

(after pondering this, i think him bringing her with him to the end of the world site makes sense. mulder always wants someone to save. so yes, he would bring the woman whose apartment he broke into with him when the end of the world arrived. but still. the optics of it, man. bringing her. trusting CSM's story. after everything he has done.

let's say yes, the end of the world is soon. and you won't go try and bring your mom with you? okay, maybe she's too far away, and that is very sad, because you have to go now. what about your best friends who live right nearby? you don't want to bring them? you want to bring this woman who clearly despises you, sabotages your work, torments you and your partner, and is working with your mortal enemy, who you have previously described as the devil?

i guess that is his thing. he needs to feel like he can save someone, because he couldn't save his sister. and maybe learning that the world is about to end provokes in you a sense of despair. but to hear him say he needs to give up... that is just. so deeply unlike him. what is he thinking? why doesn't he want to go down swinging?

the whole thing just... man. made me frustrated. like, do i know this mulder? or did he get swapped with some other dude?)

no, don’t kiss him, diana. i don’t want to see that. okay. whatever. you can’t hear me, i guess.

spender is going back to fort marlene, where he does not find his mother. but he does find marita!!! she asks for his help!!! he says he doesn’t know her,,, but she knows where they’re taking his mother. and how.

and she knows his name…. she says he has to trust him. huh. CSM must have spoken about him before. i wonder what he had to say.

ew, they're getting the alien fetus of mysterious origins out. man. i didn’t want to see, like, any of this. put the fetus in the pressure cooker looking thing, why don't you? can you just… thaw him out??

but the woman who wouldn’t get mulder shoes walks in while the thawing takes place. OHHHH!!! the eyeballs!!! scraped off the face!!! she’s one of the rebels!!!!

do we cheer? has crisis been averted?

mulder calls scully, and she says she was just calling him. oh... :( she still wanted to talk to him after the earlier outburst

he says he’s with diana, and they’re going to come get her. but she wants to go find cassandra!!! mulder says it’s no use, but she’s going there whether he comes or not. and “there” is the potomac yards, because spender called her and told her that's where she is being held.

lmao. don’t let him get you down, queen. you must save the day. alone if you must. this is not fair, but it is the scully curse. 

god. again, the optics. mulder was really going to try and ascend to the alien apocalypse with his ex AND the woman he recently declared his love for by his side. and let everyone else on the planet die. mulder. use your brain. this does not make you look like a great guy.

mulder says he’ll be there, and sends diana ahead to west virginia. good on him for choosing hope?? i guess? a little late, but better than never.

well, they’re now chasing a train. and scully is FLOORING IT. ooo, i didn't know she could drive crazy like that! she angles the car across the train tracks!!!! 

mulder gets out and they shoot the train together!!! the train brakes…. and they run!!!

NOOO!! scully’s CAR!!! it got ran over by a TRAIN!!!

i hope she has good insurance 💔

the syndicate and their family members are going to the hanger to get beamed up, i suppose. when someone approaches our agents. IT’S SKINNER!!!! he wants to know what the hell is going on.

oh, skinner, i didn’t realize how badly i wanted to see you, but now that there is a big smile on my face, i know it to be so.

yeah. get in the backseat, mulder. let scully take shotgun. atone for your crimes.

who is arriving at the hangar….? the syndicate goes to investigate. it’s cassandra on the stretcher. with CSM. 

he wants to know where krycek is!! and i do, too!! he’s at fort marlene, stalking about. is he looking for marita?! will they be reunited?! are they still together?

krycek cannot find the alien fetus!!! he is furious!!! where did it go?!

spender calls out to him. he can’t get past security- they won’t let him remove a patient. and look! it’s marita that spender has with him!!! oh, this is an uncomfortable reunion between krycek and marita, who we last saw kissing passionately. his jaw drops.

krycek calls spender a sorry son of a bitch, saying the rebels are going to win. they took it. marita is shocked at this news, but spender just wants to know what “it” is. and can you blame the guy? he just got thrown into all of this.

diana pulls up at the hangar, and sees CSM. why is there music swelling between them? what is their relationship?

oh. the hangar is opening. but the syndicate didn’t send a message to the aliens!! so who goes there?

diana and CSM start to escape. and it seems that normal people are emerging from the hangar??? diana and CSM drive away!!!

but they aren’t normal people!!! they’re the faceless rebels!!! surrounding the syndicate!!! with their fire sticks!!! 

(fire roars and people scream)

is.... that the end of the syndicate?

kersh is looking at photos of the burnt bodies that skinner handed him. he says the loss of life is beyond words. and spender is there, too. kersh says he cannot imagine how it must be, losing his mother.

oh, now i feel bad for him. he even got kersh to use a kind tone.

spender says he is responsible for those deaths!!! also mulder is here! and scully, too! 

he says the agents might have prevented the terrible attacks!!! kersh's kind tone doesn't last long.

HE INTERRUPTED KERSH??? OMFG???

spender says it’s his fault the agents were suspended, and kersh ought to do everything he can to get them back on the x files. far worse can and will happen. 

spender gets up and leaves, saying he will pack up his things.

“you have answers now? why didn’t i hear about those answers before?”, kersh asks mulder

“i’ve had answers for years” 

“then why didn’t we hear about them?”

“no one ever listened” <- WELL!!! get his ass.

he says the people burned themselves, from choices made by men long ago who thought they could sleep with the enemy. 

kersh doesn't know wtf this means, and scully says. well. he's probably right. so just go along with it.

spender tells CSM to get out of his old office. he’s holding the photo of him and bill mulder!!! he says he was a good man and a friend who betrayed him. 

he said he came here hoping his mother wasn’t right. he hoped his son might live to honor me. like bill mulder’s son.

AND THEN HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIM!!???

the end?!?!

hey man. entirely too much just happened in one episode.

okay. um. 

well. i didn’t like this one. 

there was too much going on!!! my brain wasn’t handling it!! why would mulder choose diana over scully?? is he stupid?? 

is the syndicate over now?? but now they have to deal with the alien rebels?? was krycek working for the rebels the whole time?? is that a good thing? but it's krycek; he can't be good. is spender dead?? just when i started to like him?

will mulder and scully go back on the x files?? will it be under skinner? how will they just go back to work after all of that? 

“hey scully. i'm sorry i didn’t believe you when you said my ex was manipulating me even though you found incredibly detailed receipts with my best friends in the whole world. and i'm sorry for how i wanted to give up and let everyone in the world die, because the man who is responsible for torturing you and thousands of other women told me there was nothing i could do. and i'm sorry i agreed with him despite having no reason to trust him whatsoever, and only changed my mind at the last minute.

do you want to go hunt some werewolves now? and not acknowledge how i blew off all of your trauma in favor of trusting someone i haven’t seen in years and a guy i previously called the devil? i know you’ve saved me more times than can be counted, but it was an honest mistake!”

grrr. i’m growling. hissing, even. how can he be so stupid?! 

beyond mulder’s dumb choices, it was just far too much at one time. which always happens with these episodes, but this might even be a record for most stuff packed into one episode. and it just made me frustrated. and therefore, i didn’t enjoy it. 

we got the marita reveal; tons of 1973 lore; attempts at humanizing CSM- and then him immediately being evil again; foolish mulder choices; scully being taken advantage of; krycek doing… whatever it is he does, really; the end of the syndicate; spender redemption arc and possibly death; and the rise of the rebels as the new big bad? so… are the other aliens who are made of the purity stuff just not a threat anymore? or will they be competing for dominance in colonization?? and where did the fetus come from and where did it go?

hmm. i need to go ponder. but i’m not very pleased. 

a day later, i am still not very pleased. the smashing of too many things together is a simple writing flaw. it comes with the territory. i'm used to it by now, if still mildly perturbed. but man, mulder trusting diana and CSM over scully. whew. sometimes, it's like the writers have this character, and spend so much time crafting him as this devoted, if deeply flawed and egotistical guy who would do anything to save the people he loves, and then... they just... make him not care about anyone or anything. and pretend like it's the same guy. as if i was not the victim of a bait and switch here. and it's happened often enough where you'd think i'd see some sort of pattern or in-character justification for his sudden change of heart, but we never get it. never.

so, CSM claimed he could see his sister if everyone else in the world died and they became alien slaves. how many times has he dangled his sister over mulder's head before? why is this something he would still even consider? why does he take CSM's word about his father at face value? he doesn't even LIKE his father, and now CSM says oh, he wanted to save everyone, and mulder just. eats it up. with no evidence to support thing. i just don't get it. and then he gives up. sits in diana's apartment, ready to let everyone die. it's only scully's call that wakes him up, makes him take his characteristic action.

idk. is there something i'm missing here? does this make sense to anyone else? have you all come to see some sort of internal logic to his actions after spending years with these episodes and arcs, and i just have to put the pieces together and come to the conclusions that you reached decades ago? will there be some reveal that makes this all make sense eventually? am i even being coherent?

hmm. this is another of those episodes that makes me want to throw my laptop in the river. i will ponder other, better episodes in the meantime.

[buttercupshands]

mixing is in progress...