#he desperately wants to be alonsos favorite. he wants to be the one that alonso relies on.

[lorarri]

★ . . . 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀 , 𝐂𝐒𝟓𝟓

summary , your brother is desperate for you to like real madrid and is willing to do whatever it takes to get there

pairing , real madrid! footballer! carlos sainz x fem! alonso! f1 driver! reader

series masterlist | main masterlist | sol’s masterlist | f1 masterlist

BIG BRO NANDO

I come bearing great news!

LIL SIS Y/N

what have you done?

BIG BRO NANDO

I got your team to get you to do some pr with

*drum roll*

REAL MADRID

LIL SIS Y/N

you're really not gonna stop until I find football midly interesting, huh?

BIG BRO NANDO

yup

you are spanish

your lack of interest in the beautiful game is scary

and who knows you might find your future husband there

LIL SIS Y/N

I doubt it but okay

HEY JUDE

okay dude are we gonna talk about the tension between you and Y/N or....?

CHILI BOY

hola jude

also I have no idea what you are talking about

HEY JUDE

dude we allll saw you basically eye fucking each other the WHOLE TIME we were filming

CHILI BOY

.....

was I that obvious?

HEY JUDE

yes.

anyway cuz I'm such a good friend

I'm going to help you shoot your shot

so I invited Y/N to tonight's game and I also invited her to the after party

so you two can talk and get to know each other

cuz the quicker the two of you do that the quick you can get the team paddock passes and you two can get married and do it couple shit

CHILI BOY

wow...

thank you for removing my free will and planning my life out for me

HEY JUDE

what are friends for mi amigo

yourinstagram and carlossainz55 . 4hrs ago

seen by fernandoalo_oficial judebellingham 87,489,583 others

fernandoalo_oficial replied to carlossainz55 story!

hurt my sister and I will kills you

and I don't care if you play for my favorite team or not

judebellingham replied to carlossainz55 story!

so.....

when's the wedding?

cuz I was thinking summer

too soon my friend

carlossainz55 replied to yourinstagram story!

hola hermosa

I think you left your earrings at my place

and I think you should come get them

I wasn't wearing earings last night tf?

if you want me come over you could have just asked

okay

can you come over

sure as long as you buy me food

anything for you princesa

yourinstagram and carlossainz55

liked by fernandoalo_oficial charles_leclerc 87,479,459 others

yourinstagram and carlossainz55 #mycalvins w/ the love of my life

view comments

user MY WIFEY AND MY HUBBY TOGETHER???? SINCE WHEN???

user rue when was this

judebellingham took you long enough mate

user why goes my gut tell me nando had something to do with this

camavinga and finally he makes a moveee

user love how we are all losing our minds and planning a wedding in the comments section

vinijr when's the wedding and what color suit should I get?

user okay but how slay is this hard launch

aurelientchm one hard launch for chili one large step for man

user love that the madrid team saw this coming from miles off

fernandoalo_oficial !hala madrid!

user nando plz now is not the time for your madrid propaganda

user oh twitter must be in shamles by now

user at this point might as well rip up my 2024 bingo card

view more comments

fernandoalo_oficial and judebellingham . 2hrs ago

seen by yourinstagram landonorris 87,368,479 others

carlossainz55 replied to judebellingham story!

I owe you one dude

just make me the best man at your wedding and then we are square

and get killed by toni?

not a chance my friend

was worth a try

[aviscarrentals]

i want to play a (racing) game

a series of f1 fics based off of some of my favorite horror movies

charles leclerc- the shining

you, your boyfriend, and a bunch of friends decide to spend your winter break together in a giant hotel. what could go wrong?

max verstappen- it

after years away from your hometown, derry, you suddenly receive an urgent call from your long-forgotten childhood friend, alex, that leads to you returning to the very place you swore you would never face again

carlos sainz- a quiet place

after losing everything you know when the world fell into apocalypse due to the invasion of alien-like monsters with some very sharp ears, you find a new family in the other survivors

lando norris- scary movie (saw parody)

you wake up next to a stranger in a dimly lit room chained to a chair, which is bolted to the floor. luckily, the situation turns out to be more humorous than terrifying (may or may not be 100% based off of the jerma episode of generation loss LOL)

fernando alonso- freaky

you wake up in the body of a middle aged man. but not just any man. a man who also happens to be a wanted serial killer.

george russell- the purge

you and your best friend alex's annoying best friend, george, have to work together to survive the purge night (lily's also there)

pierre gasly- unfriended

you and your friends video call every friday night to hang out together. unfortunately, an angry spirit has decided it wants to spend some time with you guys as well...

mick schumacher- fnaf

after countless failed attempts, you've finally found yourself a new job! the bad news is, it's a night shift and you're scared of the dark. so, naturally, you drag your boyfriend along with you.

alex albon- child's play

when you and your boyfriend unexpectedly have to take in your young niece, you two struggle to make a connection with the little girl. maybe splurging on the cool new doll she's been wanting will fix that.

yuki tsunoda- final destination

what do you do when some random guy that you've never spoken to before tells you he's seen visions of you dying? what do you do when it turns out he was right and death is pretty pissed off?

oscar piastri- the menu

you and your husband have worked non-stop to build a successful, stable life for yourselves. you two really deserve a break. how about a fancy dinner on a remote island prepared by one of the most revered chefs in the entire culinary world?

ollie bearman- scary stories to tell in the dark

it's the final halloween before you have to move away from your hometown and your best friends since birth. hopefully you can make it a night to remember.

lance stroll- the cabin in the woods

you and your boyfriend decide to invite some friends to spend the weekend in a little log cabin in the forest as a way to momentarily retreat from your stressful lives. well you definitely won't be getting any rest this weekend, that's for sure.

logan sargeant- scream (aka yelp)

an eerie masked killer has made its way into your town and is slowly picking kids off one by one. who could it be? is there anyone you can trust? prologue chapter 1

liam lawson- happy death day

happy birthday! i hope you're excited because this will be the longest day(s?) of your life

sebastian vettel- the texas chainsaw massacre

it's summer, which of course means it's time for a roadtrip! unfortunately, you and your friends decided to visit texas, usa, where everything's bound to go wrong (because it's texas, usa)

kimi raikkonen- would you rather

desperate times call for desperate measures, although at this point desperate would be an understatement. so when the perfect opportunity falls right into your lap, who are you to turn it down?

jenson button- halloween

it's halloween! the spookiest day of the year. even though you don't bother participating in silly little holiday celebrations, there are some traditions you can't ignore…

mark webber- 28 days later

the world has gone to shit. even so, you're doing everything you can to survive, despite how hard it is on your own. maybe it would be better if you formed a team?

[ohblimeygeorge]

Thank you for tagging @starlightiing @defendtothedeathgr63 @yesterdayiwrote !!

Who is your favourite driver? Georgie 🫶🏻

Do you have other favorite drivers?: Alex (v close behind <3), Lewis, Lando, Charles

Who is your least favorite driver? I don’t think I have a specific one I hate most but Fernando Alonso and Danny Ric are there

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well? If my fave drivers are in a team then I’ll root for that team haha

If you like teams, what team do you pull for? Merc and Williams. Even tho I’m a fan of Lando and Charles too, I actually don’t care too much about McLaren or Ferrari lol. Although that might change a lil bit once 2025 hits 💀

How long have you been into F1? I think I started properly getting into it when I was like 15ish I reckon

What got you into F1? My dad! I’ve grown up watching it as he’s always loved it (and watched with his dad growing up too) so I sort of got sucked into it lol

Do you enjoy Fanfic/RPF? I do yeah! So many talented writers out there and I’m trying to get myself into a rhythm to write more often but it’s slow progress 😅

How do you view new fans? The more the merrier! Ain’t nothing to do with me lol. And even tho I’ve grown up watching F1, I still consider myself ‘new’ to f1blr as I’ve only been around since December so there’s still tons of stuff that’s gone on outside the races that I’m still learning about!

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why? I love u James Vowles but I desperately want Alex to get his first win pls

Are your friends and family into F1 as well? Yep! My dad (obvs) and my brother are really into it too! My mum watches but only if she’s around like she’s more casual about it all. I’ve recently discovered someone at work who’s a fan too so that’s fun to talk to her as well!

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends? Of course! I’m a gurt flipping loser when it comes to making the first move to people I want to talk to but I’m trying to be more brave and just do it lol but I am always up for people just appearing in my DMs too!

🏎️

Idk who to tag bc I’ve seen most ppl I follow have done it so feel free to join if you like!

[sourstroll]

Tags: Carlos Sainz/Fernando Alonso, set in 2015, hero worship kind of, unhealthy attachments, jealousy, multiple orgasms, older man/younger man

WC: 3,359

Because I love the idea of Fernando charming all the rookies, I had a thought about him and Carlos!!

Fernando absolutely loving when the younger drivers call him their role model or hero.

The intense love he receives from Carlos when he joins Toro Rosso is almost overwhelming, but Fernando loves getting his ego stroked more than anything.

Carlos doesn’t make an effort to hide his feelings, either.

It’s like having a lost little puppy begging for you to take them home, following you around and insisting upon your greatness. Carlos says it all the time, that he can’t believe he gets to have his hero as a friend and a competitor, always gushes to Fernando about how great he is and how he hopes to have a championship title like he does. Fernando is aware that the last thing he should be doing is indulging Carlos in his very obvious infatuation.

Fernando can pinpoint exactly when the lines started to blur between them. Things started to shift in Germany, when Toro Rosso happened to be in the same hotel as McLaren and Carlos found his way to Fernando’s room during almost all their free time. Fernando was good; he didn’t try to touch or coerce or any of the other things his colleagues would warn him not to do, just listened to Carlos talk and talk about whatever, watched his expressions and excitement as he spoke. He realized after that, that he liked spending time with Carlos, despite how obvious his crush was.

Maybe it was their drunken kiss in Monaco, initiated by Carlos at some random house party. Fernando hadn’t fought it at all, hadn’t tried to push Carlos away or insist he was no good for him. In his intoxicated state, it actually felt nice, Carlos eagerly shoving his tongue into his mouth and not pulling away even for a second. He can still remember the ‘talk’ Lewis and Sebastian had with him the day after. They scolded him for being a perv and implored him not to start any morally dubious relationships with rookies. Fernando knows it would do him some good to heed their warnings, but he was never one to follow the rules, not exactly.

Everything changes at Monza. He wasn’t even sure how Carlos had snuck into the McLaren garage, undetected, only an hour before lights out. Carlos pushed him into his driver room and pressed him up against the door and kissed him without a word, hungry and hot and wet, no elegance to it. Fernando had grabbed onto Carlos’s shoulders and pulled away immediately, but Carlos begged for Fernando to kiss him again, to have his way with him if he wanted. Fernando felt something inside of him twist and turn, changing the most fundamental parts of him, his desire at the forefront now, unshielded by his reservations.

Fernando didn’t fuck him then, he knew it’d be impossible for Carlos to drive afterward. But, he did kiss him back finally and flip them around so it was Carlos pressed against the door. He did in fact push his knee between Carlos’s legs and let him hump his thigh desperately, and he did enjoy watching every minute of Carlos fully giving in to the pleasure. The image of Carlos’s hips stuttering against him as he came in his fireproofs was something Fernando would always hold close to his heart. Fernando’s favorite part was watching Carlos continue to rut down onto Fernando’s thigh until his whole body shook, his legs weak, even after he came, babbling about how he didn’t want it to end.

It’s in Japan, a couple races later, when Carlos gives him no choice but to give in, fully.

Carlos invites himself to Fernando’s hotel and the older man has to say yes. He doesn’t even intend to do anything with him but whine about their days and maybe watch a movie or two, but Carlos has other plans.

“Can we talk, Nando?”

The question comes suddenly and without warning, not even a few minutes since they’d entered the room. Fernando was sitting on the edge of his bed while Carlos was standing before him, blocking his view of the TV he’d been trying to watch. Fernando’s hands turn clammy, not sure whether he should be worried or not about what Carlos wants to say.

“Yeah, of course,” Fernando says sincerely and pats the spot beside him, watching Carlos with furrowed brows as he sat down. He can’t help but notice how distraught he looks, how his eyes almost glisten with emotion.

“I know we’re not together, I shouldn’t even care about this, but-“ Carlos starts, a bit sad and frantic with his words. “Max told me you took him out to lunch a few days ago. You didn’t even tell me,” Carlos huffs, wincing as if he’d actually been cheated on. “I-I just feel like.. I wanted you to just be happy with me. Max is great, I know, and maybe he’s a better driver than me and he’s cuter than me, but I don’t think it’s fair that-“

Fernando had to stop him, he couldn’t let Carlos continue to think that anyone else was as special to him as he was. The older man did it by pressing a soft kiss to his mouth, and he didn’t pull away until he could feel Carlos relax. The realization that Carlos’s feelings were bigger than both of them didn’t make him want to run or hide— the fact had nestled itself in the back of his mind, always there and present and sometimes scary, but it had prepared him sufficiently for Carlos to go and spill his guts to him.

Fernando pulls away and is silent for a few more seconds. “You’re jealous, Chili?” Fernando says endearingly, reaching up to cup the side of Carlos’s unkempt, stubbly face, watching the way it made him short circuit, just one simple touch.

“Well, yeah, because..” Carlos tried to explain, still stuck on the kiss he’d just received, trailing off. Fernando had never made the first move before. “I don’t even know how you feel about me, but I like you so much,” he murmured. “Even if you think I’m just some stupid rookie.”

Fernando didn’t know it went this deep, Carlos’s devotion. He had never considered himself someone who was easy to love or someone who gave out his love to just anyone. Hearing Carlos be open and honest was new to him, yet welcome. It was a breath of fresh hair, having him be so hopeless about their relationship.

“It was just lunch,” Fernando answered Carlos’s initial concern, raising a brow at the younger boy and dropping his hand to his lap, intertwining his fingers with his. “You don’t have to fight anyone for my attention. I promise.”

Carlos truly felt like crying, like the weight on his shoulders had been lifted. “Why don’t you touch me, then?” Carlos sighed. It was much more blunt than he’d normally ever be, but it was something that had been heavy on his mind for quite some time. Fernando was so confusing in that regard, being reluctant to touch him but readily saying he was only seeing Carlos.

Fernando knew that was bound to be one of his talking points, letting out a laugh at how absurd it sounded. “The other drivers watch us, you know that, right?” Fernando countered, still gently holding Carlos’s hand in his own. “When you look at me for too long, when I talk to you instead of them, when you spend all your free time with me. They see that. And they think I’m a pervert,” Fernando smirked.

“You’ve been called worse,” Carlos noted, which got him yet another hearty laugh from Fernando.

“I know. But you’re so young. I don’t want to ruin your chances to explore. I don’t want to tie you down,” Fernando says, serious and quiet.

Carlos feels that familiar, searing frustration start to bubble inside him. Maybe Fernando had a point; Carlos was too young to be deciding that he was in love and that he only wanted one person, but Carlos wasn’t concerned about possibly making a ‘mistake’. What he had with Fernando was not a mistake, he’d never see them that way.

Instead of fighting Fernando further on the issue, Carlos leaned back in and kissed him again, climbing into his lap so he’d finally understand how serious he was about only being his. Carlos pulled away to look down at Fernando, just to stare at the beautiful face he’d fallen so hard for. “When we were together, at Monza, I don’t think you realize how happy you made me. I would’ve skipped the race if you wanted me to,” Carlos admitted.

Fernando isn’t surprised by Carlos’s shameless allegiance to him, hands roaming up and under the younger man’s shirt, feeling his warm skin. “Is that when you figured out that you liked me a lot?” He teased, tone soft. Fernando could read between the lines; it wasn’t a confession of love, more like a restatement of the truth, that Carlos had eyes for him and only him.

Carlos’s face flushed a deep red, nodding wordlessly and kissing him again, selfishly licking into his mouth so he could taste him, the mint of his toothpaste and the lingering taste of his favorite tea, tasting like perfection.

Fernando had Carlos pinned down onto his bed in minutes, making quick work of getting their clothes off so he could finally take what was his. He’d only gotten a taste of how Carlos got when he felt good, the distant memories of suppressed moans and gasps from Monza swirling in his brain. “Que bonito,” Fernando purred as he tugged down Carlos’s boxers, the young driver already half-hard, thick cock bobbing as it sprung out. “Perfecto,” Fernando hummed, his lips gravitating to his neck, licking and biting and speaking sweet nothings into his skin.

Carlos couldn’t believe this was happening, that he was finally going all the way with Fernando. The older man meant everything to him, he was everything he wanted to grow into, he was all that it took to make him feel loved and happy and content. Carlos feels too exposed as Fernando undressed him, but he ignores his anxiety, instead spreads his knees and invites him in, silently begging to be taken. “Tócame,” he breathed, gasping when Fernando complied and wrapped a hand around him, using his precome to make the slide easier.

Fernando only has his boxers on as he starts taking Carlos apart, the slow twist of his wrist making him squirm and keen under him, as if he’d never been touched before. In many ways, he feels the same way about Carlos. He couldn’t see himself wanting to do any of this stuff with anyone else, he simply didn’t do this with anyone else. He just hoped he wasn’t some phase for Carlos, that the reason he wanted him wasn’t his glory, his titles.

Fernando strokes him a few more times before he scooted down the bed, comfortably positioned between Carlos’s tanned thighs. He wasted no time leaning in and taking the head of his cock into his mouth, sucking and lapping at it, being messy about it. He knew he made the right choice to start this way when Carlos squeezed his thighs around his head, one hand tugging at his hair firmly, the other fisting the sheets beneath them.

Carlos didn’t want to admit such an embarrassing thing about himself, but he was so sensitive, it didn’t take much for him to come, especially when this was the only person he’d wanted for several months now. It was too much and not enough, making him crazy yet silencing all his woes at the same time. “Fernando,” he moaned, not daring to look down at him. He knew that one look at the older man and he’d be spilling all over himself. “Please, please.”

Fernando knew Carlos was particularly sensitive. He gathered that from making Carlos come with just his thigh and his kisses. What he was more interested in was how many times he could make him come, how many would it take to have Carlos a blubbering mess beneath him. Fernando supposed that was the good thing about being older, the fact that he had more experience.

“Relax, papi,” Fernando said after pulling off, licking careful, fat stripes up and down his length. “I’ll take care of you,” he assured, pressing a trail of kiss to his hip, then down the inside of his thigh, slipping his tongue down between Carlos’s cheeks to swipe over his entrance, making sure to stroke him with his free hand.

That seemed to do the trick, Carlos relaxing and tensing all at once, letting out a contented squeak. His legs spread even wider and his hips chased the feeling of Fernando eating him out. He’d never had someone do that to him before, and it was quickly becoming his new favorite thing. Fernando’s tongue felt impossibly hot against him, soft and wet, his hole fluttering wildly, clenching around nothing and waiting impatiently to be filled. Fernando’s rough, calloused hands felt like heaven on his cock, slick from his own spit. When Carlos got the courage to look down between his thighs, he was done for—Fernando was looking up at him as he licked him, pretty brown eyes glistening in the dimness of the hotel room. Carlos could almost see the way his jaw moved, not shy about opening him up with just his tongue. Carlos couldn’t even warn Fernando as he came all over himself, thick ropes of come shooting onto his happy trail and all over Fernando’s fist, which was milking him through his orgasm.

Fernando felt blessed to be able to see Carlos in action, making him feel so good that he couldn’t last more than a couple of minutes. “Good boy,” he praised as he emerged from between his thighs, moving his hand in agonizingly slow strokes and leaning down to lap up the mess he’d made. Fernando made sure to lick him clean, letting go of his cock in favor of leaning up and kissing him harshly, wanting Carlos to taste himself.

Carlos mewled into the kiss, dizzy at the taste of his come on Fernando’s tongue. He was still feeling hazy as he felt Fernando’s hands grip his thighs right behind his knees, pushing his legs forward and spreading him apart even more. Carlos could feel his cock stirring back to life just at his lover calling him good, praising him for doing nothing but enjoy himself. “Need you, please,” he pleaded, trying not to come yet again at the sight of Fernando spitting in his hand, stroking his own cock to get himself lubed up. Everything about the older man made Carlos’s heart race, even the simplest habits and details.

“What if I break you?” Fernando asked teasingly, rubbing the head of his cock over Carlos’s waiting entrance, twitching against him.

“Ruin me,” Carlos insisted, letting his head rest back against the pillows, eyes squeezed shut in anticipation.

That was all the confirmation Fernando needed, slowly pushing forward and slipping into Carlos’s soft heat. He was tight, so tight that Fernando briefly wondered if he’d ever done this before. He was easily distracted by the way Carlos seemed to suck him in, like he’d die if he didn’t bottom out soon. Fernando struggled to keep his breath even, nails digging into the younger boy’s skin.

Carlos was inconsolable, letting out sweet cries at how perfect he felt, completely stretched and full. “Nando,” he groaned. “Big, really big,” he babbled, locking eyes with Fernando again, prompting another kiss between them. “Do it, fuck me,” he purred, forehead pressed against Fernando’s.

Fernando knew he couldn’t be so careless, he had to start with a little more eloquence. “Like this?” He asked and drew his hips back, starting up a steady, down-tempo rhythm, making sure Carlos could feel every inch.

Carlos nearly went cross-eyed at the sheer amount of pleasure he felt just from the glide of his cock in and out of him, never mind the absolutely intoxicating feeling of Fernando rubbing his sweet spot, his legs shaking in his hands. “God-“ he whined, arching up into him and going to cover his face with his hands, knowing what was about to happen. His own lack of self-control on display once more. He knew he must’ve been red and hot to the touch, too embarrassed to let Fernando see him like this.

Fernando was wholeheartedly taken by how shy Carlos still was, even while he was balls deep inside of him. It was endearing, something Fernando admired about his favorite little rookie. “Do it,” Fernando murmured, mimicking Carlos’s earlier words, encouraging him to let go and not feel bad about it. “For me, mi tesoro.”

Carlos came between them with a whimper, moving his hands to grip Fernando’s shoulders, exhaling breathy, broken moans into his ear as he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down, needing the close contact.

Fernando didn’t mind the mess between them as he buried his nose in Carlos’s neck, breathing in the heady, musky scent of his cologne mixing with his sweat, thrusting faster and harder into his boy. It felt more intimate than Fernando had ever expected, the two of them wordlessly moving together, graceful, like they were meant to fit exactly like this, only soft noises and breaths between them. He let go of Carlos’s legs and felt him wrap them around his waist, no space left between them. Fernando rutted into Carlos with a sense of urgency, chasing the euphoric feeling of being squeezed like a vice. Their skin slapped together rhythmically, filling the room and joining the symphony of their moans. Usually, Fernando didn’t struggle to last, but it was difficult to keep his cool when Carlos was all olive skin, long lashes, saccharine moans that turned breathy as his pace increased, the perfect storm for a timely demise.

Fernando came with a low groan against Carlos’s neck, filling him up to the brim with his seed. He could feel the way Carlos squeezed around him when he came, his legs getting tighter around him. Fernando loved that Carlos was desperate to keep it all inside.

Carlos couldn’t bear to let go just yet, barely through the afterglow and needing Fernando to stay stuck against him, just like he had been to the older man through their whole relationship. “No more dates with my teammates. Or yours. Or anyone,” Carlos said, feigning seriousness, but still heaving for his breath.

Fernando mustered up a weak chuckle and kissed anywhere he could reach, his shoulders and collarbones, until Carlos’s grip had loosened up enough for him to press another one to his lips. “Okay, mi amor,” Fernando agreed easily. “But, I might have to take Max out again if I get to have you like this.”

Carlos relaxed into the bed, staring up at Fernando with wonder and adoration in his eyes, one hand mindlessly playing with the hair at the nape of the older man’s neck. “I already told him to stay away from you,” he admitted, looking coy, like he knew that it was maybe a bit much to say such a thing to someone who had no intention of stealing his idol from him.

“You’re going to get me in trouble, Carlito,” Fernando tisked and looked down between them, placing a tender hand on Carlos’s hip and pulling out, his cock mostly soft now, eyes watching intently how his come dripped out of him.

“You love it,” Carlos laughed, looking even more beautiful than before, limbs splayed out on the bed and sticky with his own fast-drying come.

“I do,” Fernando smirked. He planted one last kiss on Carlos’s cheek, his way to seal their fate before he stood up, wanting to clean Carlos up and make sure he had plenty of rest for their practice session in the morning.

[mistninja]

Something that i really love in media is family conflict but the kind where, everyone still loves each other So much even when they are fighting and thats part of the problem. Family can love you so deeply and hurt you in ways no one else knows of, they made you who you are and you made them who they are, and you love them even when you kinda wish they were dead, and then they do a small thing for you and it makes you feel guilty. Its something that i really want to talk about in my story, because really its all about this family and how much they love and hurt each other. Its about choosing a certain family member over the others, about having to choose yourself or them, about admiting you cant stop loving someone even if they are not who you thought they were.

[mysticalnightenthusiast]

NSFW Alphabet-Fernando Alonso

a-aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Always looks after you post coitus with a warm washcloth, towel or drink. Totally a post sex cuddler.

b-body part (their favorite body part of their own and that of their partner’s)

Absolutely loves his thighs, puts extra effort into leg day at the gym. Loves your boobs and ass, both are good for grabbing during the act.

c-cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Nando doesn’t believe in wasting anything so inside every-damn-time.

d-dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

In public Nando comes across as an assertive man who knows what he wants but behind closed doors he’s not adverse to you taking control in the bedroom. Is totally down for you tying him up and edging him til he can only swear in his native tongue.

e-experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The man is 41 years old and lost his virginity in his mid teens so you bet he knows what he’s doing, though he doesn’t rely on his own experience to get you off he asks what you like first.

f-favorite position (this goes without saying)

He’s not fussy really, for a rough and desperate quickie doggy is perfect but for deep and meaningful lovemaking nothing beats missionary.

g-goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

In the moment he’s serious as a heart attack but when he’s trying to get you in the mood he’s a goofy flirt and always ends up making you laugh.

h-hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Not hairless but neatly trimmed, you convinced him to try waxing once and he was convinced the beautician ripped his cock off it hurt that much.  A total wuss with pain.

i-intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Stereotypical Spanish lover, romantic in all aspects, flowers, chocolates paying for a nice meal on a date night and in that moment you feel like you’re the only one in the world that matters.

j-jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When you’re not with him jacking off is is the only thing that sustains him. Prefers his own hand but does pack the fleshlight you bought him in his suitcase for the double and triple headers when you can’t come with him.

k-kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sex outdoors, whether it be on the side of the road on some road in the middle of nowhere, the balcony of his Monaco apartment or the backyard of his home in Spain Nando’s number one kink is outdoor sex.  He’s also partial to a bit of light bondage/spanking.

l-location (favorite places to do the do)

It sounds boring but the bedroom.  In his bedroom (or yours, he’s not fussy in that regard) he can truly relax and concentrate on you.

m-motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

There are many things that get Fernando Alonso going but seeing you in a backless gown for a black tie function or a slutty set of lingerie when you get behind closed doors are number one and two in his books.

n-no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Bodily fluids aside from cum, no just no.

o-oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Nando is the king of oral he will eat you out all day every day given half the chance and often by the time it comes to penetration he’s made you come so many times by his tongue and mouth you’re on the brink of passing out. He likes giving and receiving in equal measure.

p-pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’ll start slow and sensual but the closer he gets to blowing he’ll be like a jackhammer.

q-quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loves a good quickie, you rarely do them at the track because his mind is far to into race weekend game to get into sex but more then once after all his weekend commitments are over and done with you’ve been know to get it on whilst getting ready to go out for dinner or some party. 

r-risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nando is open to discussing anything risky.  He’s always up for doing it anywhere where you might get caught.

s-stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Has stamina for dayyyyyyyyyys, he knows how to conserve energy and the results of his fitness regime means he can go all day every day.

t-toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Has some nipple clamps, blindfolds and silk toes in his own arsenal and for special occasions he’ll get a brush and chocolate body paint.  He loves your glow in the dark strobe light jack rabbit vibrator and will use it on you til you can’t form any decipherable words.

u-unfair (how much they like to tease)

When he’s in the mood to tease he can be an absolute ass about it, a light touch here a cheeky smack on the bum when no one’s looking there, some dirty talk whispered in your ear and he knows you’ll be an absolute mess by the time you get behind closed doors.

v-volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

When he’s sure you’re alone he’ll totally let go and bellow like a mustang stallion but for the most part he’s quiet, although not totally silent.

w-wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Nando had been eyeing you off for months and was too afraid to ask you out turning into a stammering teenage boy whenever he tried.  It took an intervention from an exasperated Seb who had watched his friend dance around you for months on end to finally get him to ask you out.

x-x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Thick, average size, straight as an arrow and smooth with the odd vein here and there.

y-yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He’s not a over sexed teenage boy anymore and has mellowed quite a bit over the years but when Nando wants you boy do you know about it!

z-zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Nando rarely falls asleep before you do even if your lovemaking has been particularly energetic, the only exceptions are is if you share a hot tub after the act, something about post sex euphoria and hot water sedates him.

[holdmyhopeinyourhands]

Toto called Nico "the vicious one" in Nico&lewis' relationship, Lewis didn't even cut ties with alonso who said he deserved racial abuse but he did to Nico. Does that anon know everything that went on behind the scenes? Because by Nico's own admission he psychologically abused Lewis when they were teammates but sure Lewis fans bad amirite🥴

The fact that they still haven't once addressed what Nico fans were doing let alone acknowledged what Nico has said himself says everything I need to know about them. They're only here to shit on the Lewis fandom and paint Lewis in a negative light.

Like imagine talking for a man who has literally admitted to psychologically abusing his friend and pretending as if he was the one facing unnecessary abuse.

I like Nico. I understand the pressure he was under. The desperation he most have felt and I have watched back 2016 because it was an insane season that I wish I witnessed in person and I do believe he won fair and square but that anon... smh. Absolutely toxic. They don't really care what Nico has to say because Nico would have disagreed with them. No, they are just lowkey Lewis hater and want to pretend to be otherwise. As I said before. Spineless and pathetic. At least Mv0 fans give me the courtesy (most of the time) of admitting they hate Lewis.

So Nico anon, do you have something to say in your defense or are you once again going to ignore all these arguments and keep insisting that Lewis fans are the worst and no other context matters?

Your favorite drivers would be ashamed of you.

[pascalscenarios]

FAVORITE CRIME (Maxwell Lord x Reader)

Favorite Crime 

(Based on the song “Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo)

Scenario Series

Maxwell Lord x Reader

Words: 998

Warning: Toxic Relationship, Manipulation

Authors Note: Back again with another Scenario based on Olivia Rodrigo’s album, Sour. I have Favorite Crime stuck in my head. It gave me major Maxwell Lord vibes. Enjoy - K

You were with Maxwell Lord through thick and thin. You were his assistant. Max was down on his luck, his life a complete shit show. He was recently divorced, his company was Black Gold Cooperative was bankrupt, and he was seen as a pathetic loser from investors. He was living a lie trying to keep himself afloat. Everything was crumbling before him, yet you remained a constant. You stuck by his side through it all.

Maxwell was a go-getter. You admire his ambition, drive, and determination to be successful no matter the cost. You didn’t dare stand in his way, all you wanted to do was help him obtain his hopes, dreams, and desires. You wanted to help support him in getting everything he’s always wanted.

“I need that stone!” He shouts sitting in his office chair. You stood beside him and he ranted to you. “The stone will change everything!” He says looking at the various papers, maps, and research scattered across his desk.

“I was so close to it...It was arms reach” he whined and groaned, desperately wanting it. “We’re going after it tonight. Once you and I have it, together we’ll get everything we deserve.”

You swooned are his words ‘You and I’

“Together?”

“I trust you, we’re in this together”

Your heart was thumping out your chest, ‘together’ you could just melt then and there. You began to daydream about the two of you and your lives together once you had the stone.

“What are you doing standing here?! Go get my tux and call a card” He barked at you.

“Yes, Mr. Lord” you snapped out of it, scurrying out of his office.

“And being me a shot of whiskey!”

He wasn’t the nicest person, he was clouded by his selfishness and greed. He could be mean and cold, but You loved him so bad, you let him treat you like that. You were his willing accomplice. You followed him blindly. You obediently did everything he said without questions asked.

He used you as an alibi. People would ask you about Max, bring up things that you had no idea what they were talking about.

“Mr. Lord told me he was working with you last night… said something about a presentation you two were working on. He said you were going to present it to me, '' an investor said. He would lie to everyone, using you to help cover up what he was doing. You knew Maxwell was off granting and taking wishes, slowly gaining more power.

You crossed your heart as he crossed the line.

“Yes of course” you lied through your teeth. You had to come with something on the fly.

And you defended him to all your friends.

“He’s such a selfish asshole! I don’t know how you work for a man like that” one of your friends says

“He’s crazy” the other chirps

“He’s the greatest guy. He preservers through anything that life throws at him”

“All he does is lie! Don’t you see that? He treats you terribly! He doesn't care about you! He’s a fucking lunatic!”

“He does care about me! You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t know him the way I do!”

Those things You did. You were never the person to lie or steal, but you did it for him just so you could call him yours.

The things he did. He lied, manipulated, hurt people, and turned the world to absolute mayhem to be the most powerful being.

“Max, this is getting out of hand!” You said concerned. “Isn’t this enough? You got what you wanted!” You tried to knock some sense into it. You watched him get out of hand and slowly kill himself as he became greedier, hungry for more wishes to gain him more power.

“It’s never enough! I want it all!” He snaps at you

“You’re falling apart! Look at yourself! This isn’t worth it!”

“This is worth everything! The world will be in the palm of my hand!”

“The whole world is in chaos because of what we’ve done, what you’ve done!” “I don’t care!”

“What about me?!” You shouted

“What about you?” He said rudely. He didn’t care.

“You said-” tears formed in your eyes.

“I didn’t say anything! You’re the one who’s in love with me, creating this elaborate idea in your head we’d be together!”

“I thought- Y-you tricked me!” You said in disbelief. It was a big mistake. You thought the two of you would do this together as he had said,

“You tricked yourself! You were more than willing! That’s all on you!”

Doe-eyed as he buried you. One heart broke, four hands bloody. You thought Maxwell would give you his heart, instead, he took yours and murdered it. He didn’t care about you, he never gave a damn.

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that the two of you made, 'Cause you were going down, but you were doing it with him. Yeah, everything the two of you broke, and all the trouble you two made. Oh, look what the two of you became

You two had become terrible people. You realized that after Maxwell told you their thing between the two of you was one-sided.

It took him a little bit longer to finally realize what he was doing and he renounced everyone's wishes.

He came to you apologizing, begging for your forgiveness, he realized that you were enough. You were something important to him, but the damage was already done.

“I’m sorry- I fucked up. I ruined everything. I was selfish and greedy- I don’t know what I was thinking- I’m back to square one, I have nothing. I’m so sorry for everything-I just hope you can forgive me” his voice was shaking.

You stood there crying “All the things I did, just so I could call you mine….All the things you did, well, I hope I was your favorite crime… cause baby you were mine”

MT // @wifeofdindjarin @icanbeyourjedi @sara-alonso @greeneyedblondie44 @hb8301 @alberta-sunrise @spacenerdpascal @ryleyrooroo @reader-s-cantina @nikkixostan

[estheralonsos]

⌠ NICOLE WALLACE, 18, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ESTHER ALONSO! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in ADVANCED ENCRYPTION + RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of perfect french manicures, leather laptop backpack, hydroflask clipped to her wheelchair. when it’s the TAURUS’’s birthday on 04/31/02, they always request their LECHE FRITA from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. @gallagherintro​  

hi click here for esther’s google doc or click the read more to read everything in there basically.

esther isn’t born with the expectations placed on her older brother, but instead with expectations for herself placed by herself. she’s hungry to know everything, is polite and kind, organized and decent. that’s not to say she doesn’t have a backbone, but it’s rare that she’s unfiltered, keeping her less kind thoughts to herself.

the curiosity ricky has about their father’s job isn’t mirrored in esther, because she’s far more desperate for her mother’s attention. she has fairly standard feminine interests in makeup and clothes and they can afford the best, and she wants to connect with her mother about them. but her mother’s chronic illnesses prevents her from spending as much time with her as esther would like, so her closest relationship is with her brother.

she doesn’t have the thirst for thrills the way ricky does but when her attempts to bond with her mother don’t go the way she wants, she swallows the disappointment and instead accompanies him on his journey in racing. it’s not her favorite, but he’s her favorite person, and she’s happy to encourage him in something he seems to genuinely love.

always a logical and calm thinker, their kidnapping doesn’t affect esther the way it does ricky. while her older brother begs for their lives, esther is looking for a way out, barely even hearing what their father has to say because her brain is moving too quickly to care. it takes her several seconds to process that the gunshot she hears was directed at her.

she’s a fairly athletic girl. she likes things like dancing, hiking, she’s social and likes going for walks with her friends. the news that she’ll never walk again doesn’t immediately change her life plan. she’s already fairly technologically advanced, interested in building websites about fashion and makeup. and while she’s not interested in the speed and thrills part of what ricky does, she’s interested in what happens under the hood. she can work with this.

esther doesn’t have the same response to their trauma as ricky. she remembers everything clearly, including the pain and months spent in the hospital and in physical therapy. she becomes a bit of a health nut because she can control what she puts into her body, and that’s the biggest struggle for her, is the lack of control. 

she encourages ricky the best she can while also trying to gently coax him into making better decisions. it doesn’t work, and while logically she knows getting shot was the worst day of her life, watching ricky crash takes the cake for her, wondering if this is the day he goes too far.

she’s had gallagher in her sights since they learned what their father did and she wanted to become the exact opposite, and she doesn’t feel much of anything when he’s sent to prison. she doesn’t feel any sort of vendetta, figuring indifference is what their father deserves more.

PERSONALITY/HEADCANONS

very encouraging, usually tries to gently guide someone in a different direction if she thinks they’re making a bad choice, but isn’t very forward about it.

independent. she doesn’t really like help, prefers to figure out solutions for herself, and doesn’t often ask for help.

a bit of a snob. she loves fashion and makeup and prefers the higher end of both. she doesn’t really look down on people but she does usually believe that she’s one of the best looking in the room. 

she loves tech and is very good at it but she very much chose it due to losing her ability to walk. she’s not really sure what she would have done if she could still walk, but she doesn’t think about it all that much, because she’s making it work and liked tech in the first place. 

she’s not super into video games but she makes ricky play mario kart with her a lot.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Thirty-Nine → in which man hands on misery to man

IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR TODAY’S CHAPTER

Heavy implications of suicide/suicidal tendencies at the end of this chapter. Proceed with caution, and stay safe!

“Go, go, go!” 

They’d run across the island so fucking much in the last few hours that they were starting to get very, very sick of it. But now Klaus and Lilac were carrying a basket that they’d scavenged from the arboretum, holding as many apples as they could find, desperately hoping they arrived in time. 

“Do you think the coastal shelf has flooded yet?” Nick asked worriedly. 

“It’ll have started.” Friday said. “Kit has a few minutes.” 

“That’s not good!” Violet said. 

“We need to get these to the islanders, and then get her off the coastal shelf…” Lilac said, but she trailed off as they rounded past a rock and slid onto the beach beside the coastal shelf, and saw, up ahead, the outrigger pushing out to sea. 

“Oh no.” Klaus said. 

“Oh no.” Violet said. 

Friday’s eyes widened. “What are they doing?” 

Lilac rushed forwards first, taking the basket of apples from Klaus and holding it herself as she waded into the water. 

Kit spotted them, sitting up. “Baudelaires!” she cried. “Baudelaires, I think I’m going into labor!” 

“Holy fuck, Kit, now?” Nick shouted. 

“I don’t really have a choice in this matter, Nick.” Kit said. 

“We’ll help you in just a second, Kit! We need to get these apples to the islanders!” Lilac shouted, turning to the boat, which she was getting close to. Her siblings ran to her, Friday reaching to grab apples to toss. 

“They won’t take them!” Kit said. “I tried to tell them how the poison could be diluted, but they insist on leaving!” 

“No one’s forcing them.” said Ishmael calmly. “I merely suggested that the island was no longer a safe place, and that we should set sail for another one.” 

“You and the Baudelaires are the ones who got us into this mess,” said the drowsy voice of Mr Pitcairn, “But Ishmael is going to get us out.” 

“The island used to be a safe place, far from the treachery of the world.” said Professor Fletcher. “But since you’ve arrived it’s become dangerous and complicated.” 

“That’s not our fault!” Klaus ran through the water. “You can’t live far from the treachery of the world, because eventually the treachery will wash up on your shoes.” 

“Exactly.” said Alonso, who yawned. “You washed up and spoiled the island forever.” 

“So we’re leaving it to you.” coughed Ariel. “You can have this dangerous place. We’re going to sail to safety.” 

“Safe here!” Sunny held up an apple. 

“You’ve poisoned us enough!” said Erewhon. “We don’t want to hear any more of your treacherous ideas!” 

“You were the ones ready to fucking mutiny!” Nick shouted. 

“That was before the Medusoid arrived.” Finn said hoarsely. “Ishmael’s been here the longest, so he knows how to keep us safe. At his suggestion, we all drank quite a bit of the cordial while he figured out the root of the trouble. And the root of the trouble, Baudelaires, is you.” 

The children had finally reached the outrigger, and the frantic children stared up at Ishmael. 

“Why are you doing his?” Klaus begged. “You know we’re not the root of the problem.” 

“The Medusoid Mycelium was around before we were born, and our parents gave us the cure!” Nick said, holding up the apples. 

“If you all don’t eat these bitter apples,” Friday pleaded, holding out the apples, “They’ll come to a bitter end. Please, Ish, tell the islanders the full story.” 

“Now, Friday.” Ishmael said, leaning down in his chair to talk without the others hearing, “If I told the islanders the whole story, I wouldn’t be keeping them safe from the world’s terrible secrets. They almost learned the whole story this morning and mutinied over breakfast. If they knew all these island’s secrets there’d be a schism in no time at all.” 

“Better a schism than death!” Violet shouted. 

Ishmael shook his head. “No one is going to die. This outrigger can take us to a beach near Lousy Lane, where we can travel to a horseradish factory.” 

“You don’t have time for such a long voyage!” Solitude cried. “You all have less than an hour!” 

“The entire colony is poisoned,” Lilac said, “And if you make it to shore, the fungus could spread to everyone you meet. You’re not keeping anyone safe. You’re endangering the whole world, just to keep a few of your secrets. That’s not parenting or guarding! That’s horrid and wrong!” 

“I guess it depends on how you look at it.” Ishmael said. “Goodbye, children. Colonists, I suggest you start rowing.” 

The colonists nodded and rowed, but the children pushed on. Friday made it near her mother, and held out her apple, screaming, “Mother! Mother, please, take the apple! Mother, listen to me! I’m your daughter, you can believe me!” 

Miranda looked at her, with distant eyes. “You’ve been reading.” she said. 

“Mother, please!” Friday was sobbing. She turned to Finn and Omeros. “I’m your friend! You all can trust me! You know me! The apples are fine!” 

“You’re treacherous.” Omeros coughed violently. “Just like them.” 

“Please!” Friday begged. 

Klaus ran to Alonso. “Take an apple! Please! Save yourself!” 

“Mother!” Lilac ran to Friday, grabbing her arm as she desperately tried to swim in the deepening water. “It’s me! I’m your daughter!” 

Miranda gave her another blank stare, then shook her head. “I don’t know you.” 

Friday burst into tears. “And I don’t know you! But I could! We could know each other again! Just take the apple!” 

But Miranda shook her head, and Ishmael said, “Friday, it’s not too late for you to come aboard. Don’t rock the boat. Respect your mother’s wishes. It’s more than the Baudelaires ever did.” 

Friday shook her head, though she still desperately held out the apples. Violet held the basket up to Ishmael, and said, “We are respecting our parents’ wishes! They didn’t want to shelter us from the world’s treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.” 

Ishmael put his hand on the basket. “What do your parents know,” he asked, “About surviving?” And with one firm, cruel gesture the old man pushed against the basket, and the outrigger moved out of the children’s grasp, just as the container toppled and apples spilled into the water, splashing around them. 

And at the sound of the splash, the Baudelaires remembered the apple core that had fallen from Ishamel’s sleeve, and realized why the facilitator was so calm in the face of the deadly fungus, and why his voice was the only one of the islanders’ that wasn’t clogged with stocks and caps. 

“We have to go after them!” Solitude wailed. 

“We could be their only chance!” Friday begged. 

“We can’t go after them.” Klaus stopped, looking down at the apple in his hands. “Kit’s in labor. We have to get her to the beach.” 

“We could split up.” Violet suggested, her voice heavy. 

Klaus shook his head. “We all need to stay here to help her.” he gazed at the wheezing and coughing islanders, and said, “They made their decision.” 

“There…” Friday looked at the departing faces of everyone she’d ever known. “There’s no way they’ll survive.” 

But she was wrong. They heard a hiss, and they turned and saw Ink behind them, swimming out into the sea. It gave them a nod, and then took an apple in its mouth and one in its tail, and swam off. 

They watched it leave, and then Friday, still sobbing, said, “Save them! Ink, please, save them!” 

Ink swam away, and Lilac gave Friday a hug. “We have to help Kit.” she whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” Friday cried, and then the children turned away from the islanders and ran. 

They made it to the raft where Kit lay, and they began to push the raft with all their might, moving it very, very slowly to the beach. Nick lifted Solitude to the top, where she crawled towards hte woman and held out a damp apple. “Take it!” she cried. 

“I can’t.” Kit said. 

“You’ve been poisoned.” Violet said. “You must have caught a spore or two from the islanders.” 

“The apple will harm the baby.” Kit said, her voice distant and her eyes sad. “There’s something in the hybrid that’s bad for fetuses. Your mother never tasted one of her own bitter apples. She was pregnant with you, Violet.” 

Violet started, shooting Lilac a look, but Lilac just stared up at Kit, tears in her eyes, hugging Friday. 

Kit shook slightly. “I wish I was half as good a mother as she was.” 

“You will be.” Nick said. 

“I don’t know.” Kit said. “I was supposed to help you children on that day when you finally reached Briny Beach. I wanted nothing more than to take you away in my taxi to someplace safe. Instead, I threw you into a world of treachery at Hotel Denouement. And I wanted nothing more than to reunite you with the Quagmires… and poor Fiona… and I left them behind.” 

Violet looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. “What happened?” 

“I failed you.” Kit said. “I met up with Fernald and Fiona, who stole the Queequeg and recruits from Olaf, and we- the self-sustaining hot air mobile home crashed onto us, and then we were all in a wreck.” She turned to Lilac. “Fiona was so desperate to reach you, Li. She wanted you to forgive her.” 

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Lilac started to cry, too, trying to push the boat. “What happened next?” 

“I don’t know.” Kit said. “I saw a mysterious figure- almost like a question mark in the water. My brother used to call it the Great Unknown.” 

Solitude looked to her, narrowing her eyes, a seemingly insignificant memory floating back to her. “Question mark.” she said, “Beast.” 

“I fashioned a Vaporetto of Favorite Detritus, as I’d been trained to do, but only Ink managed to reach me. The others… they were gone. I don’t know what happened, I’m sorry. Baudelaires, I failed you.” 

“No.” Solitude shook her head. “I-” 

“You succeeded in your noble errands at the Hotel Denouement, and saved Dewey and the others, but I don’t know if we’ll ever see your friends again. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope Dewey will forgive me, too.” 

“We didn’t succeed, Kitkat.” Nick started to cry, and he barely choked out his words. “We don’t know who got out of that hotel. And Dewey’s dead.” 

And then everyone burst into tears. 

They kept trying to push, through their sobs, but after only a minute, they hit some kind of sandblock, and the raft halted. 

“Stop.” Kit said, sitting up and crying. She picked up Solitude gently, running a hand over her hair, and then passed her down to Nick. “Stop pushing the raft. I can’t go on.” 

“We’ll go on together.” Violet said. 

“We’re almost at the beach.” Klaus said. “The shelf is flooding.” 

“Let it flood.” Kit cried. “I can’t do it, Baudelaires. I’ve lost too many people- my parents, my true love, my brothers… and now my baby will be all alone.” 

“She won’t be.” Lilac said. She clung to Friday and said, “We’ll take care of her if something happens to you, like we’re taking care of Friday, and like we’ll always care for each other.” 

“I could not ask for better.” Kit said quietly. “Name the baby after one of your parents, Baudeaires. The custom of my family is to name a baby for someone who has died.” 

“Ours too.”  Sunny said, and she reached over to grab Solitude’s hand. 

“Our families have always been close.” Kit whispered. “Even if we had to stay apart from one another. Now we are all together, as if we were one family.” 

“Let us be.” Klaus said. 

Kit shook her head. “It’s useless. I can’t get down, and you can’t push the raft farther. It’s stuck in the sand.” 

“We can do it.” Violet shook her head. 

“We need to find something.” Lilac said. 

“No time!” Sunny said. 

“The baby’s coming soon.” Kit said. 

“We need help!” Nick said. 

“We’re alone.” Violet reminded him.

And then the siblings gazed out on the beach, and saw, sitting on a rock and bleeding out, the one person for whom they had not shed a tear. 

They approached quickly, with Lilac still gripping tight to Friday, who was still crying very hard, and starting to shake quite violently. They reached the beach, and stared down at the struggling figure of Count Olaf. 

“Hello, orphans,” he said, his voice wheezier with the fungus. “Are you here to bow before the king of Olaf-Land?” 

“We don’t have time for your nonsense.” Violet said. “We need your help.” 

“You need my help?” Olaf said with an astonished glare. “You stabbed me.” 

“And we’ll do it again.” Nick threatened. 

“But we’ll give you apples,” Sunny said, handing one out, “If you help.” 

“I don’t want fruit.” Olaf snarled. “I want your fortune!” 

“The fortune isn’t here.” Lilac said. “None of us may ever see a penny of that money.” 

“Even if you were here,” Klaus said, “You might not live to enjoy it.” 

“It’s a McGuffin,” Solitude said, “And your scheming means nothing here.” 

Count Olaf looked away. “Then maybe I’ll stay here. I’ve lost too much to go on- my parents, my true love, my henchfolk, an enormous amount of money I didn’t earn, even the boat with my name on it.’ 

“You have to go on!” Violet said, looking worriedly towards Kit; waves were lapping dangerously at her raft. “Do one good thing in your life, Olaf!” 

“I’ve done lots of good things in my life.” he snarled. “I once took in six orphans.” 

Klaus couldn’t take it anymore, and he shouted for the first time a secret all six Bauelaires had kept in their hearts for as long as they could remember. 

“You’re the one who made us orphans in the first place!” 

Olaf closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing in pain, and then stared slowly at each of the seven children in turn. 

“Is that what you think?” he said finally. 

“We know it.” Sunny said. 

“You don’t know anything.” Olaf said, and the Beatrice and Bertrand’s children fell dead silent. “You’re just like your parents.” 

“Please.” Lilac said, as tears fell down her cheeks. “If you don’t help us, Kit and her baby will die!” 

Olaf suddenly turned to her in shock. “Kit?” he said, and with one swift gesture he grabbed the apple from Sunny and took a savage bite. The second the fungus was gone, he stumbled to his feet, and the Baudelaires saw just how bloody he was. 

“We really hurt you, huh?” Nick said, not an ounce of remorse, but maybe a flicker of doubt, in his voice. 

“I’ve been hurt before.” Count Olaf said, and he staggered down the slope and waded into the waters of the flooded coastal shelf. In one smooth gesture he lifted Kit from the raft and carried her onto the shores of the island. The distraught woman’s eyes were closed, and as the children hurried to her, they weren’t sure she was still alive. 

The villain stared at Kit for one long moment, and then, to everyone’s shock, he leaned down and gave Kit a gentle kiss. 

“Ew.” Solitude said. 

Kit’s eyes fluttered open, as Olaf said, “I told you I’d do that one last time.” 

“You’re a wicked man.” Kit said, coughing. “Do you think one kind act will make me forgive you for your failings?” 

The villain stumbled away, and then fell down on the sand beside her. “I haven’t apologized.” he said. 

Kit reached out and touched his ankle as he turned to look at the Baudelaires, touching the tattoo that had haunted the children for a long while. It had haunted a lot of people for a long while. 

“The night has a thousand eyes,” Kit said hoarsely, raising her head to face the villain. “And the day but one; yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun. The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one: yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done.” 

Count Olaf gave Kit a faint smile. “You’re not the only one who can recite the words of our associates,” he said, and there was something in his voice that the Baudelaires had never imagined; almost like he’d become a child again, laughing with another kid on a playground. His voice returned to normal, though, as he said, “Man hands on misery to man. It deepens-” 

“Like a coastal shelf.” Nick kept his eyes on the ground. 

Count Olaf coughed, and then said, “Get out as early as you can…” he turned to stare at the Baudelaires, and said, “And don’t have any kids yourself.” He uttered a short, sharp laugh, and his eyes shone brightly. He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say another joke, but Count Olaf never said another word again. 

He lay back on the sand, and Kit let out a cry of pain, and the seven Baudelaires hurried to help her. 

“Please. Take an apple.” Lilac begged the woman. “You can survive. You’re already in labor, the apple probably can’t do much harm…” 

Kit looked at her, and Lilac saw in her eyes that her choice not to take the apple had nothing to do with her child. 

Lilac let out a terrible sob, one the Baudelaires did not think her capable of making, and then she begged, “Aunt Kit! Aunt Kit, please!” 

Only Nick and Kit knew why she’d said that at the moment, and as Nick let out a wail and clung to a sobbing Solitude, Kit raised a hand and put it on Lilac’s face. She smiled, then, a smile she never thought she’d be able to give. 

It is likely your own eyes were closed when you were born, so that you left the safe place of your mother’s room- or, if you are a seahorse, your father’s yolk sac- and joined the treachery of the world without seeing exactly where you were going. You did not know the people who were helping you make your way here, or sheltering you as your life began. This is the way everyone comes into the world. 

And it is the way that Beatrice came into the world, just as Kit left it.

[swannkings]

lightly connected thoughts on death and grief in fiction, spurred by the magicians 4.13

this post mentions rape and discusses suicide and death - if you feel any of these topics might negatively affect you, please proceed with caution or click away.

i tried writing something coherent, but i’m still pissed off and can’t bring myself to tap into my english comp skills right now.

re: “death in real life” - fiction is a safe way to explore and experience intense emotions. fiction is an escape from reality, when we need it, and so many of us desperately need that one hour escape in the actual hell we’re in. what a privileged world you must live in to believe that constantly viewing or reading trauma and death in fiction is what people who deal with that shit on the daily need to be reminded of?

idk about other shows, but beth greene from the walking dead is a mirror image to quentin coldwater. she survived an attempt to end her life, made it her job to care for others, was held hostage by rapist cops, and when she was given a chance to leave with her family she instead did something illogical that resulted in her death.

“i know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. i’m not michonne. i’m not carol. i’m not maggie. i survived and you don’t get it because i’m not like you or them. but i made it.”

more deaths that make no sense: abbie mills, beverly katz, glenn rhee, leslie shay, kate todd, poussey washington, t-dog, debra parker.

when a writer or showrunner does something to a character with the single intention of breaking their audience, that’s a death for profit. low ratings? kill off a main character in a shocking way. not sure what to do with this character and don’t want to continue paying the actor? kill them off suddenly. actor asks for pay raise after being on the show for multiple seasons? kill off their character so they can’t come back later. want to make every other character depressed for the rest of their lives? kill off anything and everything they love.

you’ve met daryl dixon, right? the sad white man who finds a glimmer of happiness and is just constantly kicked in the dirt because he’s a fan favorite - it’s boring!

in hollywood, audience grief isn’t about telling compelling stories, it’s about a small cluster of people blowing smoke up each other’s asses for so long they forget what actual cleverness is.

if you can’t figure out what to do with a character without killing them, you aren’t creative enough to continue being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars (or millions) for your work.

stop exploiting death.

during 4.13 of the magicians, i literally said “this is awful, but it’s so pretty”

stop romanticizing death.

quentin coldwater wasn’t the garden variety white male protagonist, and the fact sera gamble, john mcnamara, and henry alonso myers (and some fans) can’t see that is a lack of awareness and critical thinking.

also, why are you making eliot waugh, the only canonical gay man on the damn show, struggle with the death of a man he loves FOR THE SECOND TIME? he killed mike to get rid of the beast and spiraled into a deep depression and addiction! he got out of that hole, found love again, got body snatched by a monster, and now has to live through all that pain again? WHY? why is that so compelling to y’all?!

TV is killing off so many characters that death is losing its punch

The Walking Dead & the Dead Lesbian trope

Scott Gimple’s defense of killing Beth Greene

Gamble/McNamara/Myers’ defense of killing Quentin Coldwater

Life’s Not Fair So Suck It Up And Deal With It

I Want Loads Of Realism In My Fantasy

But Only The Horribly Scarring Kind Like:

Rape In Every Season Of Game Of Thrones

A Disproportionate Amount Of LGBTQ Characters, Women Characters, And Characters of Color Murdered On TV - Realism!

And All Fictional Villains Are Either Mentally Ill Or Have Some Form Of Disfigurement - Because Those Are Realistic Markers For Actual Criminals And Despots In The Real World We Live In.

writing an entire season of a show setting up a big bad and big bad 2.0, setting up a coup, setting up a hedge witch revolution, setting up a government take over that killed underprivileged magicians, setting up an actual slow burn romance, and then dumping that all on the floor to reup a toxic relationship and kill off the big bads, any chance of a coup, an entire revolution, and a well deserved love story in .03 seconds, just to be edgy - that’s bad writing my friends!

that’s like doing a group project and assigning different parts of an essay to different people and the first 3/4 are cohesive and well researched and the last 1/4 is just a three sentence paragraph that has nothing to do with the rest of the essay and was written by the one person who refused to come to meet ups and thinks they’re smarter than everyone else.

and keeping your actors in the dark concerning their friend and colleague and the actual story they have signed their names to - bullshit! extremely unprofessional! if any average person did something like that at work they’d be in super trouble! what assholes you are!

[torentialtribute]

Fernando Torres should be remembered as a Liverpool legend – at Anfield he was Europe’s best

April 8, 2008. A ferocious Champions League quarter-final at Anfield between Liverpool and Arsenal was ebbing and flowing, as it reached the 69th minute.

This might have been the last eight of Europe's top competition but it was being played with no-holds barred intensity of a Premier League collision.

The score was poised at 1-1 (2-2 on aggregate) when a Peter Crouch flick-on arrived at the feet of Liverpool's number nine in the Kop End penalty area.

Fernando Torres seared into the hearts and minds of Liverpool fans with breathtaking goals

Torres scored a vital goal as Liverpool beat Arsenal in the 2008 Champions League quarters

TORRES 'CAREER GOALS:

A tletico Madrid – 111

Liverpool – 81

Chelsea – 45

AC Milan – 1

Spain – 60

Suddenly, it felt like time had stood still. Fernando Torres, a picture of calm in the mayhem, took one touch, then another and another.

Before everyone realized what was happening, he had rifled a right-footed drive into the roof of Manuel Almunia's net to spark a noise that made the stage shake.

The goal was easily recalled without the need to watch it on YouTube. The best of the best separate themselves by doing things on a football pitch that is sear into your memory and during a golden spell on Merseyside that is what Torres was: the best of the best.

It was a dream start for Torres, who scored a sublime goal on his Anfield debut vs Chelsea

He was the most feared central striker in Europe when he played for Liverpool. This observer has chosen that Arsenal goal as a personal favorite, but in truth, there were another 10 or 15 instances that could have been used as examples.

There was the debut strike at Anfield, for instance, when he wrapped Chelsea defender Tal Ben-Haim up in club before finishing like an assassin. The muggings of Nemanja Vidic at Old Trafford and Rio Ferdinand at Anfield; goals to settle Merseyside derbies, an astonishing strike against Blackburn.

Torres was the first signing that Liverpool made when you felt they were moving into a different level: here was a player everyone in Europe wanted but Rafa Benitez won the day, shattering the club record transfer fee, to sign him from Atletico Madrid for more than £ 20million.

His career, or course, was more than just those years at Anfield. He is loved unconditionally by Atletico supporters following his two spells there; he played for Chelsea and won a raft of honors, including the Champions League, but the fit was never the same. Blue was never his color.

Red, by contrast, suited him down to the ground. The first test for him – as it was for any new signing – came in training. Xabi Alonso, for example, endeared himself immediately to his team mates in 2004 with the way the first pass he swept away, clean and precise.

The Spaniard famously had many iconic duels with Nemanja Vidic and often came out on top

TORRES 'TROPHY CABINET:

World Cup – 2010

European Championship – 2008, 2012

Champions League – 2011-12

Europa League – 2012-13, 2017-18

FA Cup – 2011-12

With Torres, a coming together with Jamie Carragher that set the benchmark. During a training game, the pair went up for a header. Torres thundered into Carragher and put the defender on the floor. Rather than picking Carragher up to assess the damage, Torres carried on. Carragher loved it.

"Here was a winner," Carragher remarked. 'Here was someone who wanted to go to war for us. I thought it was brilliant. "

That first year was incredible. He broke records, became an icon and finished the campaign by scoring the goal – a beautiful dinked finish – in Vienna that made Spain European Champions; six months later, he finished third in the Ballon d'Or voting. Lionel Messi was first. Cristiano Ronaldo was second. This was the company he was keeping.

Critics used to say he couldn't use his left foot but Torres didn't need to when his right-foot was so good. He was quick, he was slick and 'the lad from sunny Spain', as the Kop sang, would get the ball and score again and again. He looked like someone who was destined to rewrite record books.

The problem was, though, injuries slowed him down and the turbulence that erupted around Anfield as the disastrous Thomas Hicks and George Gillett reign disintegrated left him disenchanted.

Torres formed a telepathic and unstoppable partnership with Steven Gerrard on Merseyside

The two then became rivals as Torres broke the hearts of Liverpool fans and joined Chelsea

It was a travesty that Torres never won a medal at Anfield. It was something he was desperate to achieve.

"We were not far away from being champions of England and champions of Europe," Torres said in the book Ring of Fire. "But we needed to keep the team. Everything changed when the owners started talking about selling.

'The mindset of the club went in a different direction. Alonso was sold, Mascherano was sold, Benítez went too. Not all of the money went into new players. The club was saying "We still want to be the best and we want to win" but doing the opposite. "

Torres is a private individual and during the final chapter at Anfield, it became more and more withdrawn.

Fenway Sports Group took over elsewhere in time in October 2010 and three months later he was at Stamford Bridge, sold for £ 50million.

Torres left Liverpool just as Luis Suarez signed, meaning the two never got to play together

The 35 -year-old will probably go down in history as one of Atletico Madrid's greatest ever players

The animosity between Liverpool and Chelsea meant, in the eyes of many fans, he had performed some kind of betrayal and views of him were colored accordingly. He was mad every time he returned to Merseyside and it was all so very sad. Be in no doubt how much it hurt.

His career has come to an end and you wonder whether there will be a point in the future when Torres comes back to play for Liverpool's legends. He should do. Torres, at a peak that didn't last as long as it should have done, was one of the best The Kop had seen.

Like those picture book goals he could score, it should never be forgotten.

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[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Reviews: Diabolical

I’m about to dive head first into The Haunting of Bly Manor but, before i get into that, i needed to touch upon the other franchise I'm mildly addicted to; The Boys. I didn’t want to reviews this show after checking out the first season because i actually binged the whole thing a few months before the release of the second so i figured, you know two-for-one. And then the release schedule went to weekly. It’s f*cking dumb. I had to wait eight whole ass weeks to finally get to this review. Finally, with both seasons in the rear view, i want to take some time and gush about one of my favorite shows. Again, i just want to be clear, this is a reviews of both seasons so there might be a bit of overlap.

The Good

Out the box, the look of this show is incredible. I love all of the suits, all of the effects, all of the powers; The art direction is one hundred percent! I’ve actually read The Boys comics and i was curious how those pretty comic book-ish outfits would translate, particularly Homelander's duds and, i must say, i was thoroughly impressed. It even has the balls to match the straight up gore from the books. These cats never shy away from an exploding body and a chill session inside the guts of an skewered and beached whale. I love it!

I adore this world. It’s like a live action One-Punch Man but far more violent and even more cynical. This came from the demented mind of Garth Ennis so you know it’s nuts. I mean, this is the dude who gave us Preacher and some of the best stories out of Hellblazer. What is even more nuts is that spirit has translated perfectly to what we‘ve seen onscreen so far, a feat that i have to give to ...

The writing. Bro, the writing in that first season was mad on point. It was some of the cleverest, well thought out, brilliantly executed lore i have ever had the pleasure of viewing. It felt completely in step with that we saw, like there was a proper story they wanted to tell and it was told with precision. I also like a lot of the changes made to the narrative for television’s sake. A lot of the gender swapping and plot digression has been pretty interesting making for a richer narrative than the comic, i think.

This cast is absolutely stacked. I’m particularly fond of Jack Quaid, Tomer Capone, Karen Fukuhara, and Laz Alonso as Hughie Campbell, Mother’s Milk, Frenchie, and The Girl, respectively. I’m also fond of Erin Moriarty's Annie January or, as she’s known in her Supe persona, Starlight. Other notable castings include Dominique McElligott, Jessie T. Usher, and Colby Minifie. I also have to give some love to Simon Pegg, Haley Joel Osmet, and Shawn Ashmore for some pretty dope cameos, too. Even with these mentions, i have a few performances that stood out with such fervor that their energy dwarfs literally everyone else in the cast.

Karl Urban as Billy the Butcher is f*cking fantastic. Urban is a great actor and just finds a way to embody his characters. He’s come a long way from Ghost Ship and Chronicles of Riddick. Look, I've loved this dude for years. His Bones is the best thing about the Kelvin Star Trek and his Dredd is easily the best iteration of that character to date. He brought that same, crass, violent, energy to the Supe hating, CIA, psychopath and i love every bit of his carnage.

This show would be nothing without the other side of that barbaric coin in Homelander and this version? F*cking chef kiss, bro. Anthony Starr is bloody brilliant in this role. I mean, i hate Homelander, don’t misunderstand me, but the way Starr portrays him as this inept, smarmy, overpowered, prepubescent teenager is just perfect. He’s a petulant child, a straight up bully, who has gotten everything he’s ever wanted by giving everyone swirlies. It’s f*cking hilarious that Butcher keeps getting over on him.

There are no good people in this show and it was Deep’s sexual assault of Starlight that immediately proved this fact. This scuzzy ass bottom feeder was eventually thrown to the wolves where he experienced his own violation at the hands of a groopie, literally. Witnessing this arrogant, disgusting, rapist effectively crumble into a desperate pile of whimpering regret was awesome to watch and that’s thanks to Chace Crawford’s skeevy ass performance.

God, help me, i completely fell in love with Stormfront. Again, i want to be clear; I despise this Nazi b*tch but, similar to Homelander, the fact that this character was able to solicit such vitriol out of me is what endeared me to the character. That’s a testament to the writing, especially with the gender swap, but i have to give much more credit to Aya Cash. Bro, i love this chick. She’s been excellent in everything I've ever seen her in, especially that old Hulu show, You’re the Worst. That same energy is brought directly to this role in the most insidious and despicable manner and i loved it!

I was surprised to see Elizabeth Shue in this. It’s been a while since she was in anything i actually gave a sh*t about so seeing her pip up in this as what amounts to little more than Homelander’s handler was kind of awesome. her Madelyn Stillwell, anther gender swap i think, was exceptional. She was manipulative and desperate and never in control until those final moments. It’s a shame she went out the way she did. That was f*cked up, mostly because i wanted SO much more with Sitwell but, it opened up an opportunity for...

Stan Edgar portrayed by Gustavo Fring, himself; Giancarlo Esposito. Dude, this cat steals every scene that he’s in. He’s cool, composed, and infinitely calculating. I mean, this is basically Gus in charge of the biggest peddler of superheroes in the world and he maneuvers in the exact same way Fring would. It’s like watching a shark hunt, non-stop, outmaneuvering and corralling schools of oblivious fish right before he feasts. It’s insane how villainous this dude is.

The Meh

The writing in the second season was kinda sus. It was nowhere near as tight as it was in that first run. Don’t get me wrong, it was still pretty good, however, the plot holes were very much obvious. It wasn’t as clever as the first, which is f*cking weird because i thought the overall character writing was much better.

The Black Noir reveal was a bummer. I was looking forward to the Homelander connection but, with this, none of that is a thing. Best reveal of the entire comic and i have no idea how they’re going to manipulate that L into a W.

These first two season felt like The Boys Begin. Like, hindsight in the mirror, there is a lot of ways they can just straight up adapt the comic, point for point, now. It feels like we’re right at the beginning of where the original story started and that kind of takes away from everything we got up to this point. I don’t want to say it cheapened the experienced but, knowing what i know about the books, it does kind of does?

The Verdict

The Boys is excellent. It’s an ultra-violent, amazingly creative, brutally cynical, gratuitously gory, uncomfortably hilarious lampoon of the superhero genre. This thing has one of the dopest cast on TV right now, lead by an irreverent Anthony Starr and an acutely viscous Karl Urban with an outstanding supporting ensemble. The world is intriguing, the Supes compelling, and The Boys enigmatic. The trickle of real-world political satire is mildly concerning but i think the writing handled it well and I'm curious where they take it going forward. The second season is effected by a little bit of that sophomore slump but that first run was excellent. Classic TV in an era of classic TV. This show is great. Even at it’s worst, its still one of the best things available to binge. If you haven’t watched this show, f*cking stop it. Go binge The Boys right the f*ck now!

[recklessyoshi]

Deepest Desire

I’ve never really written down what I truly want in life. I think it kind of makes sense. I don’t think anyone just casually writes down their deepest desires, especially on a public platform. The feelings are too raw to comprehend at times and sometimes gets distorted. What I want at the end of the day is simple:

To have a home

To be loved

The first one seems self explanatory and almost achievable. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a roof on my head, but I’m always constantly moving. Whether as a child, or in college, I feel as though I’m never stable. As the years go by it makes it harder for me to commit to anything and I just settle for the dirt furniture left by previous owners. In my college home, I mostly live with strangers. And it’s empty. It’s usually just me in the house. Everyone seems to be occupied or with their significant other. I used to not mind, it gave me peace in a sense and was able to fuck around with ease. With each progressing year though my second desire grows intensely. Can I truly have a home if I have no one to share it with? To decorate the space with another, to fill the room with laughter? To share a home with someone I love is what I want.

I want to be loved. It seems kind of stupid and almost like I seek validation. Which I guess is partly true. I’m in love with the feeling that I’m loved. I want my home to take form in a physical presence. In case that something happens to my home, I still have my person for comfort. I want to love someone with all my being, and to share mutual feeling of security and tenderness. I’ve been actively trying to find that. It’s hard to find that right now since everyone in college just want hook ups and flings. 

As I’ve mentioned before, Alonso is a character in my life that has... quite simply, rocked my shit. I fell for him too hard and too fast. We’ve been on and off for over a year and even when I am hurt I still seek him for comfort. At least I’m glad that I’m constantly on the move as it gives me an excuse to message him, a catch up almost. But to be fair, I only hung out with him once after japan— I was angry.

Angry in that we hadn’t talked in such a long time and he texted me only until after the Steve lacy concert. It was quite the experience given that his friend was there, a witness to our relationship. We had sex that night but I was so drunk that I don’t remember him leaving my bed. 

[As a little side track: when I tell you the pure sadness I felt at the Steve Lacy concert when he performed ‘Dark Red’, oof. It was just Tomas, Alexx, and I amongst a crowd of people and even when Steve Lacy was performing these amazing songs my eyes kept drifting to look for Alonso. I knew from beforehand that he was going to the concert but I was too shy to ask to go together. Instead, I just prayed to the universe that we would bump into each other. But we didn’t. So when Steve Lacy finished I actually wanted to cry because it meant that fate did not want me to be with him. I felt worse after I realized that even after hearing my favorite artist perform, I couldn’t fully enjoy it because I wanted to enjoy it with someone that I love. Yet, fate had a different approach in mind. After the concert ended, we were all outside walking towards the car. I get a message. It’s from Alonso. I instantly panicked and Tomas asks me what was wrong. I showed him the notification and he just gave me the eyes look. It’s a snapchat message, because for some reason we only talked on there, and he asked me if I was at the concert. 

     Me: yeah it was a good concert

     Alonso: yeah it was. are you still here?

     Alonso: I pregamed a lot and am still drunk. Can me and my friend ride with you?

     Me: Yeah ofc.

At this point my heart pierced out of my body and I was trying to process what would become of this night. As soon as Steve Lacy left the stage I was a bit heartbroken that this would’ve been the end of the night but again, fate had a different approach in mind. I get in the car and tell Alonso to wait at the front of the venue so we could pick them up. We were only parked two minutes away but I felt like we were driving forever, my anxiety and excitement were battling it out to determine how I would act once I saw Alonso. A couple moments later and Alonso, along with his friend hop into the car and in that moment I realize that Alonso would now know two of my closest friends. The drive back to my apartment was about 25 minutes and the only thing my brain would let me do was make small talk with his friend. His friend tells me that they’re basically childhood friends from his hometown. I can tell Alonso was really intoxicated and he makes some concerning comments to which Tomas glances at me from the rearview mirror. I remember I asked his friend if he was always like this but to be honest, I don’t remember his answer. On top of that, he was obviously touchy with me. I tried my best to keep it at the bare minimum PG but his hands were gripping my thighs and it was hard to control my lust. I try to text my roommate that I was coming home with a guest but Alonso was quite literally all over me at this point and I didn’t want him snooping on my phone. At last, we arrive at my apartment and I thank Tomas for the ride home and he wishes me luck for the night. As I walk in, I see Andrea sitting at the dining table and she sees that I am with him. She tells me that she was planning on spending the night here and I tell Alonso the news. He made the funniest suggestion in that we let his friend sleep in the kitchen while we fuck in the living room. Guess he was that desperate for a nut. At some point Andrea leaves the house and Alonso asks me to go with him to pick up his car. We leave his friend at the apartment and we embark on our journey. These were one of the few moments where I believe we were both raw in our expressions. I felt at peace with him, walking alone on the street at midnight. We held hands and for a second, I genuinely felt that we made each other happy. We get to his car and decide to go to the store and buy more alcohol. In retrospect, I was using alcohol as a means to let go, to make myself more vulnerable. We get back to the apartment and drink with his friend. Alonso continues to make passes at me in which I try really hard to ignore since I didn’t want to look like some desperate whore. After drinking for a bit we decide to leave his roommate downstairs, convincing him to stay the night since we both didn’t want him to uber back home. And there’s that. We had sex. Pretty good sex. But I was also way too drunk. So drunk that I tell him that I only wanted to make him happy. To make him feel good (in both contexts I guess). Then I black out. Next thing I know I wake up in my bed with no one next to me. It all felt like a fever dream.]

 When I asked for him a week later he rejects me. I was angry that I felt used, and angry that he only wanted me when he was drunk. It made me and my feelings feel invalidated. I went off on him, describing how much of a bad person he is and that I didn’t want to associate with him ever again. He just took it, and left it at that. I was so angry that he didn’t even care what I was saying at him. We didn’t talk at all after that for the next 5 months.

Washington— the current pandemic regarding coronavirus turned everything into a shithole. California is currently on stay-at-home orders [Dated: Late March 2020], so everything that isn’t considered an essential is on closed. He didn’t get to keep his job and was a commuter so he has no reason to be in my college town anymore. He also already graduated so he can only move forward. Where does that put me, if I even had a right to have a place in his life? Well it doesn’t matter because a few days ago I got drunk with tomas and decided to text him. Yes, again. Conversation is casual, almost a little boring but I decided to pull tooth and nail to carry the conversation. Eventually one night he’s drunk and we’re texting at a faster rate. It was around 2am and I was already in bed with my sister sleeping next to me. I was filled with adrenaline and was trying hard to contain my excitement even though there was no one awake. I briefly mention my housing situation and how I didn’t like living at home as it takes a toll on my mental health. Yknow, just venting a little. But suddenly he makes a bold move. He suggests for me to move in with him. 

LIKE WHAT!!!! I wish I could’ve saved the conversation but as always it was on snapchat and he was drunk and I didn’t want to seem weird. My memory always betrays me when it wants to and I can barely even remember the conversation we had. But what I do remember is him trying to convince me to live with him. Like with his family. Be a part of his family? It was way too good to be true. At some point he even wanted me to go over to his place and see for myself right in that instant. Unfortunately, it was 2am and was back at home with my parents. There was no way I could sneak out, as much as I wanted to with every fiber in my being. I knew that if I said no, the opportunity would vanish. I suggested that I would visit the house the following morning, even when I knew that wouldn’t happen. Still, I couldn’t help but imagine my life living with him. Sharing the same bed with him every night, knowing that in the morning he would still be there. Finally fulfilling my wish to cook for someone that I love. To be in a home where I am loved. To finally have my deepest desires come true. I REALLY THREW AWAY THE ONE OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE WITH THIS GUY I WAS HEAD OVER HEELS WITH. At the same time, if he really wanted me over, he would’ve persisted. He wanted an answer from me that night but in the end I told him that I would give him an answer when he was sober. Because again, if he really wanted me to be with him, he would’ve persisted, right? Sigh. It really was too good to be true. 

The next morning he apologizes for drunk texting me so much. He also mentions that he couldn’t have me over because of family reasons. And while I already had been mentally preparing to accept that the offer was no longer valid, it hurt me a lot that it became reality. For over a year, this dude I was so deeply in love with, could only remain, a fever dream. I started this post right after he told me goodnight and finish it now 6 months later and it’s still hard to admit that he isn’t the one for me. Even if we kept crossing paths, even if I continue to believe that he is the one for me, the universe does not believe that he is the love of my life. This is the hardest pill I’ve had to swallow. 

My saga with Alonso still continued a little bit after this night; like always, he is only in my life for a brief second until he decides he does not want me anymore. 6 months later and I think I can finally accept that he might not ever cross my path again. I am no longer leaving, coming back, and therefore cannot seek him anymore. COVID also doesn’t help. I am not quite sure how to process these feelings, even 6 months later without contact. I don’t cry over him, but he makes me incredibly sad still. I try to find love elsewhere but no one can evoke the same feelings like he did. Like I’ve mentioned before, when I first met Alonso, I instantly had these butterflies. I seriously thought that he was out of my league, and convinced that the best scenario was friends at best. Yet, he saw something in me. Yeah, at the end of the day he could’ve just seen me as a body to hit, but... I don’t know. Sometimes at night I wish for him to come back into my life fully aware of the consequences and heartbreak that will ensue. Other nights, I ask the universe to send me a new lover. I know I’m not supposed to look for happiness in another person but damn, it is really fucking lonely over here. I just want to be loved. And since I love Alonso, I was willing to have him love me, even if he cause me pain. Now that I might actually never see him again, I just have to find love somewhere else. Do you think I can be loved? I hope so. 

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW33

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH (abridged version written by Alon)

Transfers:

OUT: Kun and Tony Valencia

IN: Kane and Joel Ward

So RE: Kane/Bookaku debacle on the pod we decided to go with what was initially dialed in - simple - Kun to Kane. Walsh later chimed in after listening to the pod from Japan to “fuck Lukaku” and bring in Kane and cap him :).. so there we have that. I think Romelu is NOT essential going forward except for this week. Not having big Rom this week is a very very scary risk but Walsh plays dangerously and so here we are.

The second transfer was done when me and Walsh were texting today, like 6pm my time and 7am his time in Japan we got it done. We decided to fuck off Valencia and that whole headache. Hard to imagine him starting more then 1 match in their next three and we decided to triple up Palace who have a great fixture this week and obviously the double next week. Ward the safest/most nailed fuck in their backline so here we are. And Walsh obviously a massive Palace supporter made it all sweeter.

GK: Big Tom Heaton 4 life. But actually not for life he will probably be fucked off by Walsh next week for Valdes.

DEF: Alonso 4 actual life (fuck off Tom). Bellend is away at ‘Boro so maybe Arsenal will keep a clean? Don’t hold ur breath. New great friend Joel Ward comes in against a shitty ass Leicester side who will probably rest 4-5 lads before their UCL second leg vs Atletico (which is now all that matters for them).

MID: Keeping Siggy and Ayew was decided on by Guest Jason, Derek, and me on the pod and so here we are. Siggy is at Watford (PLUM) and brother of Jordan is at Sundy (PLUM) so all of our fingers are crossed that we did good by Walsh. Wilf the legend easily keeps his place and Alexis on thin ice (but not really) is well overdue a tit for the both of us.

FWD: Walsh loooooves Kane. I remember Walsh getting in Kane in 13/14 season when I barely knew who he was and he was priced at like 5.5 mil.. It’s nice for Walsh to have Kane back reunited with Harold or Harrison or who cares. Ibra absolutely nailed into all relevant FPL squads from GW34 onwards with their two upcoming doubles and rounded out by the of nowhere confident Benteke who could haul home vs Leicester. I feel it at least.

CAP: Kane. Scenes.

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: EVERYONE BABY IM ON WILDCARD FUCK EVERYONE

IN: WILDCARD LETS FUCKING FUCKKKKKKK4206969

OK I’ve been tinkering for literally hours today. I’m worthless. Here’s where I ended up and I’ll dig into it below:

GK: Pickford the god has been in my team a long long time and I surprisingly don’t hate him, I kind of love him. That’s saying a lot tbh..

My second GK is Valdes purely for the ‘Boro double gameweek next week. He probably won’t start again for me all season.

DEF: We were all talking shit on Alonso on our text thread and then he put in a peach of a FK and everything was immediately retracted. I know the clean sheets yada yada yada but we love him for his attacking intent. We’re getting basically an attacking winger for 6.4 (when I bought him) who’s out of position listed as a defender and therefore gets clean-sheet points on a top three defense. He’ll also be essential for GW36 and GW37.. It’s simple as that so back off of me and him. Starting Kelly this week home to Leicester - Palace are in scenic form and as I wrote above Leicester are shit and will be resting a bunch of people. Could be a cheeky clean / baps type of game from old friend Martin who should be nailed for at least the next 3-4 matches with their injuries and Sakho unable to play vs LFC. And lastly Holgate in there as mostly an enabler with his cheapness but also because I want to start him this week home Burnley so that’s all that needs to be said about that. Fuck Burnley...

Rounding out the bench Bailly is in as one of only two nailed United defenders (the other being Rojo). Bailly I like a lot more and is seemingly much better on bonus so I’m there. He’s also just a way better player for me which I’m hoping secures his spot more firmly when other guys eventually return. Stephens another bench dweller and $$$ enabler but he’s seemingly nailed. He will not see the pitch for me until GW35 home to Hull (maybe) and then the two doubles GW36 and GW37.

MID: Alli I’ve been saying for weeks on weeks is the best midfielder in the game in terms of value and tits. Kane back is a small dent as Spurs will still fuck most teams sideways. Alli not goin’ anywhere. Alexis I presented my case for him on the pod and my inability to part with him is a large part of the reason I ended up wildcarding after all. Yes he’s in bad form, yes he’s playing out wide, yes Arsenal are fucked up right now. But I think over the rest of the season and two doubles his class will shine through. You wanna leave in the summer Alexis? Show me. Zaha one of the few who kept their place in my squad through the wildcard grinder and how could he not do? He’s a fucking festival and will probably get sold for 50million this summer. Not to mention he doubles in GW34. And lastly King. It had to be King. It’s the obvious move and the template move but he’s just the best guy for the spot since the Southampton’s first (of two) double gameweeks is further away then we thought it’d be. If, say, Soton were doubling this week or GW35 I’d’ve maybe gone Redmond or JWP instead but I cannot reason that in this moment. Go on Josh.

My bench / 5th mid is Romeu. I was tinkering with this spot maybe most of all spots. I had a cheeky Leadbitter in there (good stats but not nailed) and some other fucks too. I ended up with Romeu and his nailedness and his two doubles approaching. He doesn’t have any attacking prowess whatsoever but he will probably play ~360 minutes over GW36 and GW37 and that at minimum is 4 points per GW. Maybe some clean sheets and maybe some bones that could rise a bit. But I’ll take 4 points a week.

FWD: The holy trinity. Romelu the god home Burnley this week looking to cement the fuck out of his very shiny golden boot. King Kane returns and we have all wasted no time to get there. He’s the best player in FPL and there is really no one else to even consider ahead of him for me. And lastly Ibra. Nothing more to be said for Ibra. We all know he’s not explosive and we all know that he’s essential. I hate saying players are essential but Ibra really is.

CAP: Sticking with my pod guns and keeping it on Rom. Kane is sooooo tempting because of his much lower ownership percentage but I gotta stick with my twats here. Kane might not start or might just play 60-70 minutes and Lukaku at home vs shit teams is as automatic as one can get this season. Let’s ride it.

SPECIAL GUEST DEREK C.

Transfers:

OUT: Costa and Aguero

IN (For -4 Points): Lukaku and Kane

Even though it is tough for me to imagine kicking two of my favorite bros to the curb, it seems that Alon did a good job of convincing me live on the pod this week to bring on one of my FPL debut strikers, Bookaku, and the mouth breather, Harold "my real fucking name is Harry" Kane. I will take the -4 hit, which I have only done maybe once or twice this whole year, it makes sense to me due to their tasty fixtures and likely high captaincy rates. Additionally, I still do not have any Spurs players so it seems prudent to finally bring one on.  Harry, please treat some dongs for me and make this reunion worthwhile.

GK: For the first time since GW27, I am going to go with General Lee Grant.  Tommy Boy is playing at Everton and I am hoping Bookaku scores a hat trick against while the fusion of the Confederate and Union archenemy Generals is playing Hull at home.

DEF: Fresh off a delightful dinner with my parents and me, Marcos A. will get his spot, per usual.  Chelsea is playing Manure so not necessarily expecting a clean, but Alonso's constant flanking of the wing and involvement in the offense makes him a locked starter on my side.  My other Stoke lad and a stalwart on my squad since GW1, Pieters, will also get the start.  Lastly, I will go with Valencia and hope he plays more than 60' despite Mou's vague comments about his status.  He played all 90' in the Europa match but with all of United's fixture pile up, who really knows what will happen with him.  If Valencia gets rested, I will have Holebas first off my bench.

MID: With Arsenal desperate for a win, Alexis survives one more week on my side and I expect him to return against Shiddlesbrough. Wenger's recent remarks that Alexis prefers to play wide than upfront makes me think he may not be back up top this season which makes me sad, alas.  Another one of my loyal lieutenants, Siggy, will get his spot again.  No assists or goals since GW 28 has been a complete joke, but the tide must turn for him and his desperate shit team.  Leroy Sané gets his second start for my side this weekend.  He hasn't returned in a couple of gameweeks but I really have loved his involvement and the chances he has had in recent memory.  With Kun out for me, he is now my only City representation.  Lastly, but certainly not least, Wilfried gets the final spot for my team this week. Returning in three of his last five fixtures he has looked great and Palace has also been playing very well, beating Chelsea and Arsenal in two of the last three gameweeks.  I am hoping for at least an assist from Mr. Zaha this week against Leicester.

FWD: Divock gets his likely last go around for me ahead of bringing on Zlatan next week for the doubles.  I am kinda nervous that Sturridge will get the nod ahead of Origi but fingers are crossed.  My two new lads, Rom and Kane, will get the last two slots up front.  Nothing else needs to be said here.

CAP: BOOKAKU. This is not a very exciting or unique captain shout but feels like a safe and responsible move.  Kane versus Bournemouth is also on my mind but I am still nervous that he will not play the full game.  Although Bookaku has frustrated me at times this year in certain games when it seems like he is barely involved or even touches the ball, it cannot be overlooked that he has the second most points in all of FPL, only behind Alexis.  Burnley is a nice fixture at home so hoping for an explosion from the Belgian while Everton try to make an unlikely push for a top four finish.

[cover32-yahoopartner-blog]

Miami Dolphins potential first round draft picks

Despite ending the season much sooner than anyone would have wanted, it is now time to turn our attention to most fans second most favorite time of year. The NFL Draft. For the Miami Dolphins, this will present a chance for the team to build on their playoff campaign from 2016.

Defense continues to be the biggest need for this team heading into the draft. With the unit expected to be improved upon through free agency and the draft, this makes Miami’s selections slightly more prevalent to change.

With the Draft now just under two months away, we can officially begin to count the days until the draft is here. All that remains in the evaluation process is the combine and individual workouts for certain players. So without further ado, we present the seventh edition of the “Miami Dolphins potential first round draft picks.”

AROUND COVER32

Decision Time: What should the Vikings do with AP?

Free Agency: Which teams will be most active this year?

Mock Draft: Who is your team taking in our latest Mock Draft?

Dolphins News: Stills is unlikely to return to Miami

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3. Jabrill Peppers — Safety — Michigan

With the contract extension given to Cameron Wake, the odds of the Miami Dolphins taking a player like Taco Charlton plummeted. Add in that the team has also acquired tight end Julius Thomas and the Miami Dolphins mock drafts have all been turned upside down. However, the team is still in need of plenty of positional players as it looks towards next season.

In need of some help at safety, the Miami Dolphins could be tempted to reach for an select Jabrill Peppers. Possessing the ever popular Michigan connection with Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, Peppers is a player that can hold his own at multiple positions. Likely to be an NFL safety, Peppers is someone that the Dolphins could move around on defense.

The biggest question for Peppers will be his listing as a linebacker at the NFL Combine. If he struggles like many executives believe he will, his status as a first round pick could go up in smoke. That said, if the draft was today, he would be a potential first round draft pick for the Miami Dolphins.

2. Caleb Brantley — Defensive Tackle — Florida

One player that Miami Dolphins fans seemingly don’t care for is defensive tackle Jordan Phillips. Despite having his moments which included a spectacular interception against the New York Jets, Phillips has been inconsistent at best since he joined the Miami Dolphins. While Miami already has Ndamukong Suh, the team may want to add some more talent to its defensive line.

One player that could find his way towards the top of Miami’s draft board is defensive tackle Caleb Brantley. Playing just up the road in Gainesville, Brantley was one of college football’s best defensive lineman last season. Add into this that Brantley comes off the Florida defensive player assembly line and you could have an extremely talented draft pick for the Dolphins.

Teaming up with Suh at the defensive tackle position, Brantley would have a great teacher at the NFL level. Replacing Phillips as the starter, Miami would begin to develop one of the best defensive lines in the league, something a defense that struggled last season desperately needs.

1. T.J. Watt — Linebacker — Wisconsin

The younger brother of Houston’s star defensive end JJ Watt, TJ Watt has an excellent background to his credit. Playing for Wisconsin, the 6’5 linebacker is a pass rushing machine that the Miami Dolphins could use. Capable of playing either inside or outside linebacker, Watt’s selection will fill a major hole in the Dolphins defense.

Partnering up with Kiko Alonso, T.J. Watt could fill a major hole for the Miami Dolphins. In need of two outside linebackers for next season, Watt could be playing with an extremely talented starting base next season. Should Miami add one of the top free agent linebackers this offseason, Watt’s arrival will only boost this group of players, potentially taking the unit from worst to first.

While there are some concerns about his availability due to a lack of first round quality linebackers, I firmly believe that he should be on the board when Miami makes their first round pick. Possessing both athletic prowess and a strong athletic bloodline, Watt could be the Miami Dolphins perfect pick.

READ MORE: McCain deserves chance to start for Miami

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