#he could have been either the son of lucifer or the son of samuel and he chose sam

[shanastoryteller]

it would make dean fucking furious, but i actually love the idea that jack sometimes calls sam "sammy" and that sam lets him. he's the only one besides dean that doesn't get "it's sam"

jack is always watching dean, and while part of that is search for dean's approval, the rest is because it teaches him how to interpret and be loved by sam

he calls him sammy when he's scared, or worried, or even relieved (seeing sam after lucifer brought him back would definitely elicit a sammy)

dean says it and it's sammy (protected)

jack says it and it's sammy (protector)

i also think he's seen dean and sam hug each other, sees how sam scrunches himself up so dean can still get his arms over his shoulders and folds beneath his brother. and when sam hugs jack, he hugs him sort of like dean hugs him, like how jack thinks dean used to hug sam twenty years ago

being enveloped, sam hunching over to keep him tucked into him, and for a moment jack feels like nothing can get to him

(sam used to feel this way too)

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 6 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

At the beginning of the sixth season we have the chance to see and appreciate a new side of Dean: as he had promised Sam, he came back with Lisa (who seems to have accepted him straight away, because, even after all those years, she realises he’s the only man she’s ever loved) and lives in a proper family, behaving as Ben’s, Lisa’s son, father. Of course he still thinks about Sam, but he seems to be happy for the first time in his life, as he now has everything he’s always dreamed of since when he was a child. He’s a good dad to Ben, he’s so careful to avoid becoming like John and he’s also really faithful to Lisa. His life as a hunter clearly made him understand the advantages of having a quiet life and a “normal” family, so that he appreciates them a lot more than anyone could do. At first I thought Dean was not cut out for being a dad, and that Sam would surely make a better one, but these episodes proved me wrong, especially considering what Sam has now become. We already know (from the last episode of season five) that Sam is alive, so that’s not a big surprise, but we still have questions on what happened, the same ones Dean has when he meets him. As a matter of fact, he finds out he’s been alive for a very long time, hunting with his new family, the Campbells, led by their mother’s dad, Samuel, who’s been brought back to life with Sam, even though they both don’t know who did it. Dean is at first angry with Sam (but we’re used to it at this point) because he didn’t tell him he was alive, but Sam’s intentions were good, as he wanted Dean to maintain his happy family life. This dream of letting Dean out of hunting appears to be utopic, because being a hunter is far from being just Dean’s job, it’s part of his soul and now that he knows his brother is alive he can’t ignore anymore the continuous impulse of starting hunting again he constantly feels. Dean is deeply in doubt about what he has and wants to do, because he can’t bear either to lose Sam or Lisa and Ben: a sort of compromise is proposed by Lisa, and Dean accepts. He’ll start to hunt again with Sam and he’ll come and visit his family whenever he can. I really loved Lisa’s comprehensive attitude towards Dean, which testifies she loves and knows him so much she understands he could never give up on his life as a hunter and accepts to adapt to whatever makes Dean happy. That’s rare considering the people Dean can count on are few. However, what Lisa and Dean haven’t fully considered at first is that Ben and her will automatically become one of Dean’s weak points and that could put them in danger.

About Castiel, he’s a little absent in the Winchester’s hunts (but he always somehow finds time to help them when they need it, and that shows how much he loves them and cares about them) because he’s fighting in Paradise against Raphael who wants to take power. By the way neither Castiel knows how Sam was saved. One of the main plots of the season is the loss of some weapons from Paradise, which are now on earth and are improperly used by people. As always is Sam and Dean’s job to avoid a catastrophe caused by angels and recollect those weapons, while fighting ordinary demons and other monsters. It comes out that an angel, Balthazar, owns some of those weapons: he’s quite of an ambiguous character, as angels sometimes are in this show, and seems to be just indifferent to what happens both in Paradise and on earth. He’s surely not a completely good angel, as Castiel, but sometimes helps the boys in hunts and in their personal issues. I think he could be compared to another weird (but very interesting) character we’ve met in the last season and we get to know better in this one: Crowley. As Balthazar is an angel, Crowley is a demon, and we’ve learnt that in Supernatural there’s not a big difference between the two. I think what makes them similar is the fact that they keep fighting the Winchesters and pretend to dislike them, but they never actually harm them and seem even to quite like the brothers.

Through an involving episode based on Bobby’s point of view, the fourth, we understand more deeply what he does on a typical day apart from helping Sam and Dean. His routine is very stressful, so that we can justify him for being a bit rude and actually feel more than ever like the Winchesters take him for granted and never thank him enough, which they finally do after a small fight at the end of the episode. This change in perspective was quite unexpected, in a show were the main and only focus are Sam and Dean, but it was really appreciated as it gives the chance to see the story and past plots under a new light. Speaking of Crowley and Bobby, the old man is smart enough (even if he’s so busy giving Rufus and the brothers his precious help) to find out the demon’s real name and a way to make him change the terms of the contract: he’ll live his life without being persecuted in ten years and will as well keep his legs.

At this point I have to mention episode five, which constitutes a turning point for a lot of reasons (by the way, I also loved the reference to Twilight, first of all because I really appreciate how Supernatural refers and quotes other real shows or movies, but also because, I have to admit, some years ago I was a huge fan of the saga). As I was saying, this vampire episode is interesting because Dean himself is transformed. This fact marks a deep change in his relationship with Lisa and Ben: Dean, convinced he’s going to die soon, goes and visits his family but can’t control his vampire instinct and accidentally harms Ben, and as a result Lisa banishes him from their lives. At that moment Dean has the last proof he can’t maintain his bond with them, which will lead him and Lisa to fall apart without even clarifying the situation after Dean turns human. As I said loads of time regarding his relationship with his brother, one of the Dean’s features I hate the most is the fact he’s never able to talk with his loved ones straightforwardly about serious stuff, and that’s why problems always grow bigger. At the end of the season, the story of Lisa and Dean brutally comes to an end, since Ben and her are captured by Crowley’s demons and Lisa gets severely injured: that’s the point where Dean understands definitively they can’t have this kind of relationship for their own good and asks Castiel to erase their memories about him. This is one of the saddest parts of the entire season, because we know well what Lisa and Ben meant to Dean and we also know that they were his last hope for happiness, which is irremediably gone.

Talking about Sam, here it is the second shocking scene of episode five: Sam sees Dean’s transformation happening under his eyes without doing anything. When Dean recalls it, he gets mad, of course without asking Sam for some explanation, as the two are not able to solve their conflicts in a civil way simply by talking, and adds this episode to the list of Sam’s weird behaviours, which makes him think there’s something wrong with him. As Dean is the person who knows Sam better, he’s sure his brother is not okay, even though everyone, including Sam himself, thinks he’s exaggerating. He asks help from the only one person he can really trust (apart from Bobby), Castiel, who reveals to him the shocking truth: Sam’s soul is gone, and was probably left in hell in the cage with Lucifer. That explains Sam’s recent behaviour, far from the kindness and humanity we’ve learnt to love about him. I was really worried about him in finding out why he had behaved so badly and he had at times preferred Samuel (with whom he hunted a lot in the past year and did some regrettable things, as we learn from some flashbacks), also because both Cas and Crowley are convinced Sam’s soul is lost forever and irretrievably damaged by the devil, but part of me was relieved the Sam we had seen so far in the season was not the real Sam. However, I think there was a kind of contradiction in the way the authors depicted soulless Sam, as he sometimes seems to actually have feelings left, for example when he doesn’t show up with Dean to let him go on with his happy family life, in the first episode, but that could just be an isolated moment of awakening, moved by his huge love for his brother.

From that moment on, a new phase in the storyline is opened, as Sam has to depend completely on Dean who tries to teach him a sort of morality and at the same time looks for a way to restore Sam’s soul. Dean even has to convince his brother he has to want his soul back, because he cannot trust him without it, while Sam seems to feel better and stronger without. As if all that soul thing wasn’t enough, they have to face the Campbells: Samuel proves himself untrustworthy, and Dean decides to follow him to his secret hideout. He finds out Samuel is hiding some creatures he said he had killed and that he’s looking for a place Dean had no idea existed, Purgatory, and he’s doing it working for Crowley. Dean never really trusted his granddad and the Campbells, but could never imagine not only that they were working for a demon, and a very powerful one (even if Samuel did it because Crowley promised to resuscitate Mary). Also, Samuel said nothing about the fact that he and Sam were brought back by Crowley to help him find Purgatory and extend his power. Moreover Crowley, ambiguous as always, says he can restore Sam’s soul and cunningly obliges the Winchesters to hunt for him. Sam, who is way more rational because of the lack of soul, knows it’s their only choice, while Dean accepts more recklessly. As a matter of fact, this situation doesn’t last as they decide to break their subjugation and find another way to save Sam, with the help of another quite ambiguous character, which appears and disappears both to kill and help the brothers, Meg. This time she helps them fight Crowley and at the end they (a strange group formed by the Winchesters, Cas and Meg) manage to kill him. Therefore, we find ourselves at the middle of the season with Dean basically at the beginning of his research for Sam’s soul. Luckily, he finds really soon a way; unfortunately, it implies a deal with a quite dangerous character, Death: he will restore Sam’s soul if Dean will live a day in his shoes. What I appreciated of the personification of Death is that he isn’t properly evil in the show, just as the evil connotation mankind gives to death is merely arbitrary: Death is nothing more than a natural phenomenon which must happen necessarily in each human life, and Dean is given the chance to understand that deeply and reconsider his thoughts about it.

After a long and painful period of time passed in the panic room, Sam wakes up for the first time in a year with his soul, protected by a wall which is aimed to hide all that’s happened from when he fell in the hole with Lucifer and Raphael, because hell memories could kill him (and he’s already been through a lot). It was a joy to see our good little Sammy back, we (and Dean) had missed his gentle and cute attitude so much! He’s been through so much with demons and psychic things Dean keeps thinking any problem could be too much for him and he will explode, but somehow Sam is always able to bear them, while Dean always tries, in vain most of the time, to protect him. This time, as Sam doesn’t remember a thing from his soulless year, Dean hides him the truth (at this point of the show we know him so well he is completely predictable and the pattern of the brothers not telling each other important facts is the exact repetition of some other episodes), but it ends better than other times because Cas reveals Sam everything without knowing he didn’t know and Sam seems to understands Dean’s motives (after all, they’re brothers).

Before moving to the finale, I can’t but mention the metanarrative episode of this season, the 15th, in my opinion the most mind blowing of this type: Dean and Sam find themselves trapped on the Supernatural set where they’re actors and of course known by their real names. This episode gifts us with the most funny scenes of Castiel, whose real name is Misha, posting tweet all the time about the most stupid things and of Ruby/Genevieve, married with Jared in real life and also in this episode: that’s where reality seems to be weirder and funnier than the show itself.

After Rufus’ death, another really good character left on the way, and the defeat of the “Mother of all things”, the main villain of the season who’s killed quite easily through phoenix ashes collected back in 1861 by Sam and Dean themselves –nothing strange-, we find out the last shocking fact of the season: the alliance between Castiel and Crowley (who’s still alive) to find Purgatory. I was quite surprised because I couldn’t believe the naïve angel would cooperate with a demon and, even worse, without ever telling the Winchesters. I don’t think they would be happy about their deal, but at least they could’ve honestly known what their friend was up to: this way he cheated them so badly they couldn’t even believe it until the very last moment. That’s no excuse that Cas allied with Crowley just to take on some soul from Purgatory, gain more power to finally defeat Raphael and win the war in Paradise, and also that he made the demon promise the Winchesters and Bobby would be safe, because to reach his purpose he spied and lied to his friends the whole time. He should’ve known the brothers have very few people they can trust and losing them is extremely painful. Castiel himself has no real friends apart from Sam and Dean, but he seems to think they’re expendable for a higher purpose and doesn’t seem to realise how guilty he will feel after betraying them and how it will hurt to lose them.

We are now at the last episode, and we’re given a new reason to be mad at Castiel: he breaks Sam’s mental wall, letting him recall all his memories from hell. Not satisfied with all that mess he’s already made, he manages to open the Purgatory and take all the power on him, refusing to give Crowley his part of the deal. I really can’t figure out what’s wrong with end-of-sixth-season Castiel, I guess the perspective of having a huge power and becoming a sort of god went to his head, but still I think his behaviour is so incoherent. I couldn’t believe it when he told his old friends to worship him as their god if they didn’t want to get killed… Like, for real Cas? I don’t know what’ll happen in season seven, I just know I want dear old Castiel back.

- Irene 💕

[leahxx129]

The Last Descendant (Sam Winchester x Reader) pt.4

Disclaimer: Tumblr is being weird again so if you’re using the app, the ‘Keep Reading’ cut off line may not be visible inspite of the fact that I always insert one.

Summary for pt.4.: You split up into two search parties to look for Dark Kaia in order to obtain the spear and your teammate turns out to be an outstanding company. When you find her an unexpected turn of events ensues.

Warnings: cursing, some really awful smut (sorry for that)

Word count: 2.820-ish

PART 1.  PART 2.  PART 3.

The car ride to the location is pretty much the epitome of awkward. Dean drives, Sam sits by him and you and Cas have to share the backseat. He sits as far away from you as possible, which you guess is the normal reaction to almost being stabbed to death by you. Nobody utters a single word. You are kind of still pissed at Sam a little for expecting you to just fess up and of course for keeping a teeny-tiny bit of an information from you such as Lucifer has a son. Once you catch him staring in the rearview mirror at you, but as he realizes he’s caught, he looks away. You’re thankful when the car finally starts to slow down and then stops. You leave every belonging of yours in it. When you get out you notice a police car just a few meters away, a lady is leaning to the side of it. Her face lights up when she sees the boys and starts off in their direction.

„Sam, Dean!” she hugs Sam first, then Dean, but her eyes widen when she reaches Castiel. „Oh my God, Cas, what happened to you?!”

„She did.” he points towards you and you shoot a smile to the astounded lady.

„Oookay?” she looks at them confused but as none of them seems to be keen on offering explanation, she turns to you with an extended hand. „I’m Jody by the way.”

You look at Sam.

„So, you say she can be trusted?”

„Absolutely.” he nods in reassurance.

„Very well then. I’m Nat. Nat…Colt.” you take her hand and squeeze it. It feels a bit strange to use your real name again after all those years.

She suddenly appears to be thinking hard.

„Why does this name sound familiar to me…? Hey – isn’t your omni-killing gun called Colt?”

„Yeah, it is. It’s named after its creator, Samuel Colt. You just met his last living descendant. But I should warn you, her identity is not quite public and she can get stabby so… ” Dean shoots you a sarcastic look.

„Oh, wow, okay. Got it. I’m keeping my mouth shut.” she jabbers.

„So, how are we going to team up?” Cas takes the chance to speak up.

„You and Jody are with me ’cause I doubt that Little Miss Trust Issues over here is gonna go with anyone else but Sam.” Dean replies.

You roll your eyes as a response.

„So, Jody, where did your men see Dark Kaia?” Sam clears his throat and asks to switch the subject.

„They saw her west of here, but she’s been moving around, so basically the whole area is ground we need to cover.”

„Fan-freaking-tastic.” Dean pulls a face.

„I suggest we start moving. The sooner we find her, the better.” Castiel speaks on everyone’s behalf and so you all do as he says so.

The other bunch starts off to the direction Jody has mentioned and you and Sam take the other way. You’re a little bit ahead of Sam, trying to avoid any interactions at all costs. You really don’t feel like doing a heart-to-heart in the middle of the woods. Whenever he catches up with you, you start walking even faster. You probably keep on doing this for about a good twenty minutes when he finally grabs your wrist and turns you to face him.

„Okay, that’s enough! I know I screwed up by not telling you everything - and I’m sorry for that – but you haven’t been the most honest either so I don’t exactly think I deserve the silent treatment.” he bursts out, looking intensly in your eyes. You hold his gaze.

„I’d let go of me if I were you and wanted to keep my hand.” you say calmly.

He lets out a breathless laugh.

„Right. Empty threats. Your speciality.”

He’s crossed a certain line and before you know it, your free fist is on its way to collide with his jawline, but he catches it mid-air. Only a couple of seconds pass and he lets go of both your hands just to grab your face and crash his lips onto yours. You totally freeze because of his unexpected actions and forget to kiss him back. He pulls away, visibly puzzled from your lack of response. You realize your mistake and immediately yank him back by his plaidshirt. Your positive reinforcement really escalates things. In just a fraction of time he pins you against the nearest tree with his body, kissing you passionately. You bury your hands into his hair, getting entirely lost in the moment. His kiss is hot and wet and everything you imagined it would be like. He tears off your shirt, leaving you in your bra and that’s when you get back to reality.

„Sam…Sam! We…” he kisses your neck and it takes everything within your power to suppress a moan. „We… we can’t! Okay? Just – just stop!”

He pulls away just enough to be able to look in your eyes.

„We can. And we will.” he says out of breath and returns to kissing your neck. „You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this – how long I’ve wanted you!” he growles against your skin while his hands are traveling all over your body, making his argument even more valid.

„But..but what if the others stumble upon us, huh?” you give rationality one last try.

„Well, Dean’s a big boy, he can handle it and Cas is not as innocent as he seems. As for Jody… she’ll look away. I want you. Now.”

You don’t need to hear anything more to be convinced – the probabilty of an unwanted pregnancy equals zero, your pill makes sure of that. And as for other concerns…you hope for the best. Sam doesn’t strike you as the sleeping around type.

You take off his jacket and start to unbuckle his belt. He does the same for you and as a final step of the process, he yanks down your jeans as far as he can. You can see the lust clouding his eyes as he looks at your black lace panties. Soon enough he pulls it to the side, caressing you with his index and middle finger. Despite all your best efforts, now you’re not able to withhold a moan. He grabs you under your thighs and lifts you up gently so you would be at the same level he is.

„So wet…” he whispers against your lips and he pulls out his length to push into you. The first couple of thrusts hurt a little, but then it’s just pure pleasure.

You both know exactly that this is not a romantic act. It’s an act of passion and longing and displaying feelings – everything that have been held back for a long time now. His movements are fast, but gentle at the same time and you can’t help moaning his name. He moans yours in return before he starts moving even faster and it’s not long before you both reach bliss. Even though he’s released into you, you stay like that for a moment or two, panting. He kisses you one more time before putting you down. You take your torn shirt and use it to clean yourself up. In approximately three minutes both of you are dressed fully – well, almost fully. Your upper body’s single coverage is your bra thanks to the younger Winchester.

„Here! Take this.” he chuckles as he hands you his plaidshirt. ”I’ve got a t-shirt under this.”

„Oh yeah? And what should I do with it? It’s at least three times my size.”

„I don’t know… Put your belt around your waist, it’ll look like a dress.” he suggests.

„Dress on jeans? Sam, I hate to break it to you but we’re not in the eighties anymore.”

„Relax a bit, Nat. You’d even look smokin’ in a potato sack, a little dress on jeans won’t make you any less attractive.” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and gives you a long kiss, which earns him a warm smile from you.

After you’re both ready, you continue your journey of looking for Dark Kaia, walking hand in hand.

„Jesus, Sam, you’ve been smiling for three consequtive minutes, are you alright? I think this is a new record for you, by the way.” you tease him.

„Very funny, Nat. I’m-I’m just happy, that’s all.”

„Really? And why is that?”

„Because of you.” he admits shyly. „I’ve been waitig for someone like you for a while now. You know, I used to think I can only have healthy relationships with women if I get out of this life. Been there, done that, got back in and I thought I could never have anything that even remotely resembles to it. But then you appeared in my life and messed up everything I believed in.”

„Same here, Sam. Same here.” you confess as well, squeezing his hand harder. Since the death of your family, Sam’s the only person who’s managed to break through to you, demolishing each and every one of the walls you built to protect yourself.

You stand on your toes and kiss him. As a result, he pulls you flush against his body, but both of you freeze upon hearing the horrible screams that – judging by the volume - come from a frighteningly short distance.

You both start running in the direction you think they come from and soon enough arrive at a small glade. The scene playing out in front of you is anything but encouraging – Jody is laying on the ground unconscious, blood trickling from her forehead; Castiel is kneeling next to her attempting to heal her wound, but you weakened him significantly in the diner so it’s going a lot slower than usual; and Dean is getting his ass kicked by a girl prominently smaller than him. Based on the stories Sam would tell you about him before you fell asleep together in the bunker, you imagine this is gonna shatter his ego.

The girl they referred to as Kaia is about to stab Dean with her spear, but she stops when Sam yells at her. Instead she just quickly delivers a punch to the older Winchester and turns to hurl the weapon at Sam.

“NO!” you scream and push him out of the way just in time, but consequently your left shoulder gets grazed by the pointed head before it settles in a tree trunk.

“Well, you’ve just ruined my shirt.” you exclaim indignantly, while you examine the hole that the weapon ripped into the fabric. Slowly, blood begins to soak the frayed ends. “Agh, and blood, too?? You can’t wash that out! Now it’s personal.”

You both start running at each other and upon colliding, you both manage to take in a hit. A long, tiresome combat ensues between the two of you – the others are too mesmerized by both of your grace and all the beautifully executed motions to join. A busted lip and several bruises later you see an opportunity to render her harmless by bringing her to the ground and you go for it. In a blink of an eye she’s down in the grass and you’re on top of her, holding her in a way that’s impossible to escape without obtaining serious injuries.

“Would you just stop it already?!” you hiss into hear ear, panting heavily. You consider yourself fit, but this little match made you sweat like a pig. “We don’t want to take that stupid spear of yours for good, girly! We’d just like to borrow it for replication so that we could kill an archangel named Michael with it! He’s gonna eradicate every reality you’ve ever known if we don’t stop him. And right now, it looks like our best bet at doing so is your pointy stick.”

“Well, your friends kind of failed to bring all of this to my attention!” she hisses back just as equally out of breath as you.

You let out a frustrated sigh.

“Alright. Promise me you’ll stay calm and I’ll let you go.” her lack of response makes you motivate her into cooperation by pulling back her arm just a bit more, making her scream out in pain.

“Alright, alright! I promise!”

You let go and both of you jump to your feet. When Kaia realizes Sam is holding the weapon, she goes over and takes it from him then brings it to you. Judging by her facial expression, she would have gladly punched Sam in the face for touching it, but a promise is a promise.

“That man you mentioned has sent his minions to get this from me. They’ve almost killed me twice now. If what your saying is true, take it. Make a copy then get the original back to me. Although I’m uncertain if it’s replicable. “ she says, handing the spear to you.

“Well, this is kind of my job, so I’ll try my best to replicate it.” you say as you take it. Sam, Dean and a now-conscious Jody with the help of Castiel all come closer to take a look.

“Your job is replicating weaponry?” she inquires, curiosity taking over her.

“Well creating and replicating. Whatever the customer pays for. But I make things for myself as well, just look at this ring.” you touch the ring on your right middle finger with your thumb. “This has angel grace in it. It glows when it comes in contact with angels. All I need is a handshake and I’ll know if the person is an asshat from upstairs or not. See?” you touch Castiel’s shoulder and the ring starts glowing with a bright blue light. “But when I touch Dean for example, it’s not glow-“ the words freeze in your throath as the ring burns brighter than ever.

Everybody stares at Dean expectantly, who seems utterly shocked for a minute, but then the mask falls off - he rolls his eyes and a look of indifference appears on his face. He straightens himself, even the tone of his voice changes when he speaks up.

“Alright! I must admit I did not expect such turn of events that would lead to my untimely exposure... I planned on pretending to be Dean for a much longer period to get what I want.”

“Michael…” Sam breathes out.

“In the flesh and bone.” he smiles coldly as he raises his arms and an invisible power pushes each of you against a different surrounding tree. Before your back collides with the trunk and the air gets pushed out of your lungs, you manage to throw the spear into the tall grass. If he wants it, he might as well just look for it.

To the biggest surprise of everyone present, the weapon is not the thing he opts for.

It’s you.

He calmly strolls over to you.

“My, my…” he says as he grabs your chin and scrutinizes your face. “You look just like her. Tell me, Nat, what is your story.”

Your eyes snap to Dean’s green ones, though he’s unmistakably not the person looking back.

“My story?!” you almost can’t contain the rage rising within you “You slaughtered my family when I was a kid, asshole, and I’ve been on the run ever since! That’s my story!”

“Interesting. In my dimension, I murdered your family, but you did not escape. You chose to serve me instead.”

“No!” you feel tears starting to sting.

“Oh, yes...” he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. “In fact, your services covered a much broader area in life, including warming my bed. I have to admit, I felt a pang of jealousy when you appeared here in Samuel’s flanel.” he whispers the last sentence, his breath fanning your face.

“DEAN!” Sam’s voice rips trough the air all of a sudden. “I know you’re in there! Fight it, man!”

Michael appears to be a bit irritated by this and turns to walk in Sam’s direction. Your thoughts are racing, so it takes a couple of seconds to realize that what Sam’s doing is distraction. While Michael is set on him, he would concentrate on restraining the others less. It takes all your physical power to move your hand, but you succeed. You are able to dip your fingers into your bleeding shoulder wound and start drawing the angel banishing sign on the tree.

“Samuel. You know, your brother is pushed back so far in his own mind, that he cannot hear you. You might as well just stop talking.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Then I’ll make you.” with a snap of his fingers Sam’s begins choking on thin air.

Your heart rate rises seeing Sam in agony. You swiftly dip your fingers one last time to finish the sign.

“Hey, Michael!” you scream, immediately earning a head turn from him. “This isn’t over, asshole!”

You slap your palm against the sign and both him and Castiel disappear.

[tfw-needs-baby]

silent |sastiel| chap.1

read on ao3? 

The kid sitting two seats behind him somehow managed to outsilent Castiel. 

He never spoke, kept his head down in his books and whenever someone would try and approach him, he would flinch violently and move his seat far away as possible. Which wasn’t really far, really. Castiel would often find himself glaring at the kid, who was too busy doodling in that dirty red notebook covered with smelly stickers. 

Apparently, his name was Samuel. Sure, Castiel never really spoke either and was more of the observant type, simply learning equations by just watching the example, but at least his class knew he had a soft, mild voice. And from that point on, Castiel swore he would get the kid one way to talk or another. 

And make him his friend. 

They probably had a lot in common with one another. Just, if he also knew what those similarities were, then he would go out of his way to make himself like it too. Would that make him seem desperate? 

Getting advice from his siblings was a terrible idea.He had gotten advice from his older brother, Lucifer, who told him the best way to get someone’s attention is to start pulling on their pigtails. 

Sam didn’t have any pigtails, and Lucifer smacked himself on the face, making Castiel much more confused. 

‘Just start bothering them, bit by bit. You’ll grab their attention.’ 

Michael was a bit better than his younger brother. ‘You have to bribe them into liking you, Castiel. Shower them with what they like, and they’ll certainly stay with you until you decide to drop them or they no longer serve their purpose.’ 

Nope. Just as bad. 

‘Spoil them.’ Gabriel held out a spoon for his little brother to lick, and Castiel grabbed it eagerly, popping it into his mouth. ‘That’s all you have to do, baby brother.’ 

Raphael almost killed her brothers two hours later when she heard the ridiculous advice they gave the youngest sibling. Castiel was babbling about needing money and what job’s he could possibly find as a sixteen-year-old and going as far as thinking about cutting off the poor child’s hair. 

“Castiel,” Raphael approached cautiously, patting the empty spot next to her on the hammock underneath one of the willow trees. “How badly do you like this girl?”

“It’s not a girl, Raphael. It’s a boy, and he’s always so quiet and never utters a word.” He complained, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Well, doesn’t that sound a lot like someone I know.” She said, and passed Castiel a soft smile. 

“Who?” He asked, and Raphael sagged. “No, really, who?”

“Nothing, Castiel. Why don’t we just go with the cliche advice and just be yourself around this boy?” 

The youngest Novak tugged down his sleeves. “But what if he doesn’t like the real me?” 

“Well, then he isn’t worth it. Simple as that.” 

🌻

Of course, Castiel was only a highschooler at the time, so it wasn’t like he was actually going to listen to Raphael. What did she even know that he didn’t? 

Michael’s advice was simply terrible. He had no idea what Sam was even into, so one day he approached his desk and slammed his book shut, glaring down at him. The boy flinched violently, fear in his eyes and he looked like he was two seconds away from crying. 

Crap. “Sorry, did I scare you? I didn’t mean to, I swear, I just wanted to ask you something.” 

Sam still stayed in the same position he was in. “What do you like?” He asked, and Sam raised an eyebrow before pointing towards himself. “Yes, you. There’s no one else here.” 

Startling Castiel, the kid jumped out of his seat grabbing his bookbag and zipping it up quickly before dashing out of the classroom. He sighed, grabbing a chair and sat down sadly, wondering where he went wrong. Did he come off too aggressive? Did his voice scare him off? Was he too ugly?

“Castiel.” Michael snapped his younger brother out of his thoughts and the younger Novak glared at him. “You have a next class to attend, if I’m not mistaken?” “What are you doing here?” He shot back, and the eldest Novak controlled his urge to roll his eyes. 

“Castiel, this is my next class.” “Well, I took your dumb advice, and it didn’t work out at all. I asked him what he liked, and he ran away from me. Is it...is it me?” “No, it isn’t you. Maybe he was late or something, because he forgot this.” Michael hands him a red notebook covered in stickers and he immediately recognizes it, because that’s Sam’s notebook. Sam left his notebook behind, which means - “You can give it back to him tomorrow.” 

Castiel’s neck flushes red in embarrassment, because he had no idea he was saying all of that out loud, but he has a chance of becoming friends with him. But why wait until tomorrow when he can catch him now? He runs outside, down the staircase and into the field, looking around for Sam when he catches sight of a dirty yellow backpack. “Sam!” Castiel shouts, but he gets no response and he almost skins his knees because of a couple lying peacefully in the grass. “Sam!” 

Still no answer. However, he starts running himself towards a black, sleek vintage car where a dusty blond boy is standing as he wraps his arm around Sam’s shoulder grinning, ruffling his hair a bit. Castiel stops running then, because it’s clear that Sam already has a friend, someone who isn’t him. He tries not to feel hurt over that. 🌻

Note to self: never, ever follow Lucifer’s advice unless approved by another sibling [who isn’t Gabriel.]

Castiel sit’s right behind Sam the next day, and it definitely throws him off guard. He throws a crumpled paper that was supposed to be classwork right at him, and Sam turns around with a confused look on his face. “My bad.” He grins, leaning back in his chair - almost to fall right afterward. Sam rolls his eyes. Then it was a pencil hitting his head, then kicking his bag over so all his paperwork spilled out, then throwing a full gum packet which earned him another confused look. Castiel shrugged. Reaching out and pulling Sam’s hair, yanking it back that you heard his neck crack was a completely different story. 

Sam jumped out of his chair, furiously grabbed his belongings and walked right out of the classroom. 

Damnit.

🌻

So now Castiel was, two days later back in his regular seat, feeling terrible. Sam wouldn’t even make eye contact with him, and when he had gathered all his courage to ask to sit next to him during lunch he flat out ignored him. He waited until the end of the period once more where Sam hadn’t gotten the cue to leave the classroom and was busy marking up a new black and white spiral notebook. Crap, he had forgotten to grab Sam’s notebook from his nightstand. 

“Sam?” He tapped his shoulder, making Sam look up and earning a glare from him. “I just wanted to apologize for my actions, I know I’ve been a huge dick lately but I wanted to make it up to you.” 

Sam flicks his pencil, a gesture to get on with it. “Here.” Castiel shoves a box of chocolates in front of him, and Sam sighs, gathering his belongings once more. “What - you’re such an asshole!” He shouts. Snatching his bag, he roughly pushes Sam aside like he’s a pile of sticks. 

Big mistake. What Castiel hadn’t expected was for Sam to put him into a choke-hold, grunting something out that was far from english. Michael’s walking into the room, and the moment he sees his brother pinned down he attack’s Sam, yanking his arm off as Castiel rolls to the side, gasping for air. He hears someone being roughly slammed into the wall, and Sam’s being punched right in the face, and Michael drops him onto the floor after a couple good punches - big mistake. Sam dropkicks Michael, putting him right into a thigh chokehold, yanking on his hair and yelling out a stop that seems so broken and gruff. Dean walks into the room then, snatching up Sam quickly away from Michael and jumping onto him and while the older two fight, Sam’s crying softly and Castiel doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know when or how, but Lucifer manages to grab Michael off of Dean who's ready to fight, two teachers having to hold Dean back from trying to attack the eldest Novak. The five of them are led to the principal's office, some old scruffy looking man takes away Sam and Dean while Chuck comes in and picks up his sons. “Well?” Chuck asks Castiel, who's silent in the backseat. “I never expected you to get in a fight. What happened?”

“I tried to make a friend.” He replies, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. “I don’t think a kid putting you in a chokehold is exactly best-friend behavior, Cassie.” Gabriel replies, who is busy playing cards with Lucifer in the front seat. “I know -” “You also know the kid is deaf, right?” Lucifer says, and Castiel looks shocked. “Cas, you’ve got to be kidding me. You didn’t know that?” “I - no - oh.” He stammers, because that explains everything. “No wonder he never responded to me.” “You do know you’re going to have to apologize, right?” Michael says, hissing when Gabriel pokes his bruised ribs. 

“I know.” 🌻

Sam comes back to school a week later, sitting in the same seat as he normally does. Still drawing in some random notebook, ignoring everyone else around him. He’s tapping his foot impatiently, ready for the class to end, for the day to be over already. At the end of the class, however, he’s expecting another fight with Castiel and he seems ready to go when Castiel signs: 

‘I’m sorry.’ 

Now that throws Sam way off guard. 

Castiel passes him his red notebook, and his face immediately brightens up. He’s signing something fast, and Castiel doesn’t know anything else besides that, so he takes Sam’s hands into his, looking into his eyes. They’re green mixed with hazel-grown and flecks of gold. “Too fast.” He says, and Sam smiles, opening to a new page and writing their names in neat script. Apparently Sam knew his name. “Wait - you know my name?” Castiel says, and Sam smiles. “Ca’tiel.” Sam murmurs, and he gasps. “So you do know my name! Can we be friends?” He asks, and Sam nods his head eagerly. “Ca’tiel. Jerk. Friend.” He quickly connects his pinkies back and forth. 

It makes Castiel swell with happiness.

[artemiswinnick]

Eli’s Coming

I was tagged in a Songfic challenge by @gemini0410 and @vicmackeybullshxt and given Eli’s Coming by Three Dog Night:

https://open.spotify.com/track/29k9SMi3bZi1lhbGBLcpwI?si=RPbxRxUwTpCuQeVBSeZfvw

This song gave me some hella Supernatural vibes and I had a little blurb lying around in my drafts from years ago, so I decided to edit it and extend it inspired by the song. Please don’t ask me how this fits into canon or anything, because I genuinely have no idea. I think I just felt like Dean really needs a hug, ya know? 

Warnings: Explicit language, references to violence, taking the lord’s name in vain and twisting around the Old Testament to suit my fictional needs. 

The fire blazed higher and suddenly went out. There was a pitch-dark blackness.

“Is that supposed to happen—?” Sam cut off as the flame rose again, burning quietly now, illuminating two girls. Their vessels were a pair of twins—one in a night dress, the other dressed for a night out on the town. They peered at the brothers and the angel expressionless, the infinity in their eyes in stark contrast to the youth of the bodies they inhabited.

“Aladril? Adriel?” Castiel asked, stepping forward.

“You summoned us, Castiel?” They asked in unison, haloed by soft blue flames.

“Well, that’s creepy...” Dean muttered under his breath.

“We need your help,” Castiel ignored him, addressing the twin angels.

“You know that we cannot help you.” The angel in the clubbing outfit replied.

“You should not have woken us.” Said the other, adjusting her white nightgown grumpily before looking at her sister’s get up. “This is the fashion of the time? Either a sack or a prostitute's corset—?”

“What do you mean you can’t help us?” Dean cut in, uninterested in allowing the angels any time to adjust to their vessels. Castiel tried to hold him back but he shook him off and stepped forward. “No, Cas, what was the point in summoning the Bopsy twins if they’re not even going to—?”

“We went to sleep for a reason.” They said loudly, speaking together again. Now, they both looked irritated as they turned to Castiel. 

“We know you don’t believe us,” Said the one in the night gown. “But there’s a war brewing and if we stay it will only strengthen their resolve in continuing.”

Cas shook his head. “That’s what I’m trying to say. Adriel, the war has already started, even with the both of you asleep. We’re… We’re losing. We’re desperate. If you don’t help us, it won’t be only the humans that are wiped out but angels as well. That includes you.”

The twins frowned slightly. 

“What?” Aladril’s eyebrows knitted together worriedly even as she tugged at her corset top. “... Seriously, what century are we in? Have corsets come back into fashion—?”

“The demons are working on finding a way into heaven. When they do, they’ll find you there and slaughter you along with the rest of the host.” Castiel squared his shoulders and fixed them both with his gaze. “We need your help.”

“Do you expect us to fight alongside you?” Aladril asked slowly.

“As we did when you were but a fledgling, Castiel?” Adriel raised one eyebrow— it was starting to become easier for Sam and Dean to tell the two apart and it wasn’t just the hilarious outfits. Aladril spoke slowly, her expression calm and patient while her words poured like honey into their ears. Adriel, for as soft as her nightgown looked, had a voice that sang like a knife’s edge, her mouth twisting into a smirk as she watched Castiel blush thinking of their first battles. “You were so cute back then, full of such innocent purity…”

“Listen, as much as we’d love to join you all for a trip down memory lane,” Sam finally lost his patience. “But we have… need of your assistance. We’re planning an offensive on the demons in a week--.”

“Absolutely not,” Aladril shook her head. “We don’t harm humans.”

“But they aren’t humans! They’re demons--!” Dean exclaimed.

“In human vessels, much like these,” Adriel looked down at her current form. “Or have you forgotten that-- Castiel what are these two called?”

“That one’s Dean, and the other is Sam,” He quickly clarified.

“Dean,” Adriel turned the blond man’s name over in her mouth like it was venom on her tongue. “Humans have such stupid names…”

“Right, because Adriel and Aladril for a pair of twins isn’t just as stupid or confusing,” He retorted. The flames around the angel burned brighter suddenly.

“How dare you--”

“Are these the archangels you promised us, Cas? Really? Two girls in high school?” Dean shook his head, enjoying the expression of fury on the celestial being’s face.

“Excuse me?” Adriel’s voice grew dangerously low. 

“Adriel-“ Aladril tried to hold her back but her sister was incensed. She stepped out of the circle of flames easily, undeterred by the celestial fire. Dean crossed his arms.

“These two girls have been waging holy war since before you were a twinkle in the Creator’s eye, human,” She spit out. “I could kill you with my bare hands, even in this stupid vessel--”

“Adriel!” Aladril cut her off, “We just told them we don’t harm humans!”

“We could always make an exception for this one,” Adriel muttered, but backed off.

“I- We apologize.” Aladril said, shooting a look at Adriel who crossed her arms. “But, like my sister said, we are very old and with age comes experience. We will not be joining you in battle, Castiel. Isn’t there any other way we can help you?”

“I-- Well… Sam, had a question,” Castiel supplied, his face fallen.

“Go ahead,” Aladril motioned for Sam to step forward.

“Well,” He cleared his throat. “We captured one of the demons recently, interrogated him--.”

“Tortured,” Adriel coughed into her fist, getting looks from everyone around the room. She raised an eyebrow at them all. “Let’s call a spade a spade, gentlemen. Continue.”

“We left him securely tied up, all the right incantations in place but he got loose when we were switching shifts guarding him and… well, he decapitated his own vessel so he’d get sent back down to hell,” Sam finished uncomfortably, feeling the angel’s expressions of judgement settling on him. 

“... Alright?” Adriel frowned. “I don’t see what--.”

“He drew runes on the wall in Hebrew before he did that in his own blood,” Sam continued. “It translates to… Eli is coming.”

That got their attention. The twins snapped their focus to the tall man with long dark hair.

“What did you say?” Aladril hissed.

“I said Eli’s coming,” Sam repeated. “The demon wrote that on the wall in his own blood—.”

“Yes, yes that Eli is coming…” Adriel stepped forward out of the flames again, peering up into his eyes. “I’m assuming you killed this demon?”

“Uh...Yes?” Dean answered, quizzically looking between the angel and his brother who were locked in a staring match. Her infinite eyes moved to his, an expression of rage and annoyance marring her features.

“Well, fucking wonderful!” She exclaimed.

“Adriel, language!” Her sister admonished.

“Oh, don’t chastise me, Aladril, I think you know the expletive is warranted!” Adriel turned to her sister. “They’ve been cursed and they don’t even know it!”

“Cursed?” Sam frowned. 

“Listen lady, we’re pretty familiar with curses, alright?” Dean waved his hand dismissively. “So why don’t you just tell us what we’re dealing with so we can grab the eye of newt and a root of cabbage or whatever the fuck we need to break it—.”

Adriel spun around on him, the flames bursting up and making him stumble back away from her.

“What you need is the blood of the demon that cursed you!”

“Well, fuck…” Sam cursed quietly. Dean’ nostrils flared as he crossed his arms. 

“You mean… but the Book of Samuels was always considered to be an exaggeration—,” Castiel stuttered, an uncharacteristic sight. Aladril looked to him with sympathy.

“Unfortunately, it’s quite the contrary… The actual curse of Eli was much more powerful than the story Metatron fed the prophet.”

“But why would he lie? It’s— it’s in the old testament! The humans have been telling themselves this story for thousands of years—!”

“It cast a bad light on God’s everlasting wisdom and judgment?” Adriel shrugged. “We tried telling you even some in the host could not be trusted—.”

“Do you all want to sign each other’s yearbooks or something?”  Dean exclaimed. “Or can we do that after you help us lift the curse?”

Adriel crossed her arms and looked to her sister.

“I say we let them die. This one’s annoying.”

“Adriel!” Her sister exclaimed.

“Die?” Sam choked out. “What the hell is the curse of Eli, exactly?”

“Well, the family-friendly version was written in the book of Samuels,” Aladril began. “Eli was the high-priest of the Hebrews, he and his family were cursed to never live to an old age due to the misdeeds of his sons...”

“Misdeeds like… cheating at poker?” Dean prompted, earning an elbow from Sam..

“Misdeeds like taking prime cuts of meat from temple offerings and committing adultery with the women who served at the sanctuary entrance,” Adriel replied dryly.

“Right, those kinds of misdeeds…” Dean rolled his eyes. “So we’re supposed to freak out because we won’t live to an old age? I wasn’t expecting to do that either way…

“But you said that was the family friendly version…” Sam brought up,  looking to the angels. 

“Yes, well… one of Eli’s sons tried to break the curse by bargaining with a demon,” Aladril revealed. “Who, in, the guise of helping him, actually amplified the curse.  Now it wouldn’t just kill Eli and his sons— it would damn them for eternity. In hell with Lucifer.”

“Oh… Oh, shit,” Sam rubbed at his face. “I know where this is going—.”

“But… how long do we have before it takes… effect?” Castiel asked slowly.

“Depends on what else the demon did— curses can be personalized. If you change the wording,” Adriel explained

“Yeah, we know,” Dean addressed her snappily. “So. What do we do?”

The angel fixed her eyes on him..

“Now? Well, now we hold hands, Dean.”  She grinned, her teeth sharp and glistening in the blue fire light.

—————-

A half hour later, Dean was seated, criss-cross apple-sauce style next to Sam in a circle with Adriel and Aladril. Adriel sat to his right and reached a hand towards his, smirking.

“Is this really necessary?” He grumbled as she twined her vessel’s slender fingers with his, smooth and cool to the touch.

“Not really, but it makes it easier,” Aladril replied, reaching one hand to Sam and the other to her sister. “We need to read your souls.”

“You can do that?” Sam asked, staring at the two archangels in wonder. Dean wished he’d wipe that expression off his face. Sure, these two weren’t exactly like all the other angels they’d met-- even other archangels. They’d stepped in and out of the ring of celestial fire earlier like the flames were nothing more than chalk on a sidewalk... He had to admit it had impressed and terrified him in equal measure. They seemed to radiate power, even in their young vessels, but not just power… Goodness. Truth. Mercy. All of the cheesy shit he used to believe angel’s stood for. It made Dean suspicious of them, despite how highly Castiel had spoken of them before. 

“You don’t trust angels,” Adriel said suddenly, looking him in the eye.

“So, when you say that you can read our souls, what you really mean is read our minds?” Dean asked sourly, yanking his hand from hers. 

“I was just guessing, based on your behavior,” She extended her hand back to him innocently. He took it with a heavy sigh. He didn’t have much of a choice, did he?

~Liar~ he thought, in hopes she would hear it. She frowned slightly, making him smirk. ~Can’t read my thoughts, my ass...~

“Curses leave a mark on your soul. If we look hard enough we should be able to see what exactly they did to you and your brother,” Aladril continued explaining to Sam.

“Neat trick,” He smiled a little. The angel smiled rather proudly back.

“It’s a talent we perfected a long time ago, when we were still fighting on behalf of the heavenly host.”

“It’s probably why Castiel woke us and not, I don’t know… anyone else,” Adriel muttered.

Castiel, leaning against the far wall, shrugged.

“A lot has changed since you first went to sleep, we were out of options.”

Adriel locked eyes with him from across the room, reading the deep sadness in his eyes. He really had changed so much.

“You’ll have to catch us up as soon as we’re done with this,” She murmured. He nodded quietly, looking down at the ground. Adriel cleared her throat. “Alright. Sister, when you’re ready.”

Aladril squeezed her hand and closed her eyes. The boys watched them sway gently back and forth like grass in a light summer breeze, a quiet hum like electric static rising, emanating from them. That same static seemed to seep from their palms, tingling down the men’s fingertips, up their arms, into their chests, up into their minds…

Dean felt exposed. This was not the first time someone had allegedly “read his soul.” Famine, one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, had done so once and reported that his soul was a withered, starving mess. He wondered what Adriel was seeing. Deep down, he didn’t dislike these angels, even if he was frustrated they wouldn’t help fighting the demons. But it was almost refreshing to see they actually cared for human life, even the lives of the demons' vessels. Not even he and Sam cared all that much about it anymore. It was impractical, he always argued with himself,  you couldn’t fight demons effectively if you were worried about their vessels. But he could remember a time when they’d cared. When hunting was just about protecting people and not saving the whole world and heaven to boot. 

“You’ve been cursed to die in your next battle,” Adriel suddenly spoke, her voice strange. Dean’s eyes snapped open and he was shocked to see tears in her eyes when she looked back at him. 

“Our hit on the shipment is in a week…,” Sam said.

Aladril nodded, eyes opening slowly. “We need to find the demon that cursed you and perform a cleansing ritual with his blood before you go anywhere near the shipment. There’s sure to be fighting and the curse will kill you immediately.”

Adriel stood suddenly.

“I-- uh, my vessel… She’s thirsty.” She looked down to Dean with a stare that reached into his soul.

“Take me to some water?” She asked, her voice a whisper.

For reasons unknown, he just nodded, standing slowly and leading her out into the bunker hallway. He’d just found out he had a week to live and the only way to remedy it was the blood of a demon currently partying it up in the depths of hell. His prospects, as per usual, were not looking good… but when the angel stepped out into the hallway with him, his imminent death was the last thing on his mind.

“You’re not actually thirsty, are you.” He stated rather than asked. Adriel shook her head, locking eyes with him. His mouth went dry and he looked at his feet. “What did you see?”

“Dean…” The way she said his name then made him look back up. She handled the word with care now rather than venom, her expression soft as she reached a hand up to his face. She shook her head slowly, examining his eyes. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“What? That my soul is a shriveled husk?” He tried to laugh it off, but it didn’t reach his eyes and he didn’t step away from her touch. There was something so comforting about the numbing static sinking into his cheek from her fingertips. 

“You believed Famine when he told you that, huh?” She shook her head sadly. Dean frowned.

“How did you know that--?”

“I just read your soul, Dean. I know a lot of things about you now,” She smirked softly, caressing his face before pulling him into a hug. It should have been awkward, he should have stepped away and made an inappropriate joke to break the tension but, for once, Dean trusted that the gesture was sincere. That the truth and goodness and compassion he felt emanating from Adriel was real. It felt like she was pouring it into him, filling him with mending light. He felt empty, but better somehow, when she finally stepped back. She locked eyes with him again. “Famine lied to you. Do you understand? Just like Michael lied to you. And Lucifer. They read your soul blinded by their own weaknesses, their vision warped by their own greed… What they saw was themselves mirrored in you. Don’t believe them.”

Dean nodded, his mouth falling open slightly. She really had read his soul. Or his mind. Or whatever she’d done.

“Why won’t you fight with us?” He finally asked after a long moment staring into her eyes. Her brows knit themselves, some of the ethereal warmth and love disappearing to be replaced with familiar annoyance.

“We’ve already done our share of fighting, Dean. We’ve seen too much--.”

“Or you’re just scared,” He cut her off. She may have the power to read his soul, but he wasn’t blind himself. There had to be a reason two such powerful beings refused to get involved in a fight and, seeing the fire in Adriel’s eyes, he had a hard time believing it was just their compassion for human life. “What happened before you went to sleep for eternity? Cas never told us.”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“That’s because Castiel is pure of heart and knows better,” She appraised the man standing in front of her. In truth, she’d only agreed to the long sleep for Aladril. But… now was not the time to get into her and her sister’s past. She turned to go back into the room where Aladril, Castiel and Sam were waiting. “Come on. We don’t have very long and… Eli’s coming.”

[drsilverfish]

You Can Still Be A Cookie-Baking Cardigan-Wearing Big Softie Without a Soul...

Donatello is RIGHT THERE, telling us that, provided you work at it, you can still be a good human being in the world, even if God’s sister ate your soul, even if you got mind-broken and then healed up again, all by the same angel, and you STILL have to deal with being a Prophet of the Lord.

Indeed, Donatello told us himself, in 14x15 Peace of Mind, that he deals with his soul-less condition, by asking himself, “What would Mr. Rogers do?”  (from the much loved pre-school show for US kids, Mr. Rogers Neighbourhood 1968-2001). In other words, he has picked a good role model and moral compass to help guide him. 

Dean and Sam know Donatello doesn’t have a soul, but they still trust him to be a kind and avuncular figure to whom Dean can take Jack for advice about the status of his own soul. 

H, e, double hockey-sticks, Sam was (mostly) managing without a soul, back in S6, as long as he had Dean’s guidance to be around (rather than the much more dubious example of their grandfather Samuel). I mean, sure, he let Dean get bit by a vampire, and he was a bit insensitive, and he slept around more...

But, using the mirror of Donatello, who has been nothing but sweet since Cas healed his mind in 14x12 Prophet and Loss, the show is currently telling us, loud and clear, that Jack potentially not having his soul (or only having some of it) DOESN’T have to mean he will go automatic dark-side. 

Yes, killing Felix was alarming, because although it was meant as a kindness, it was based on a misunderstanding and misapplication of Jack’s extraordinary powers - rather like the battle-field angel, the Rit Zien, in 9x06 Heaven Can’t Wait, which was zoning in on human heartbreak and deciding that murder was the answer to emotional suffering.  

The problem is, Donatello told Jack in 14x15 that WWWD was a good moral compass to follow - “What would the Winchesters do?” 

Is it? 

There have been a few subtle call-backs to Dean, Sam and Cas’ own less than stellar behaviour in the past, of late.

Castiel first breaking and then mending Donatello’s mind was a mirror call-back to one of the worst things Cas has ever done - namely, breaking the wall in Sam’s mind (which Death put up to cordon off Sam’s memories of his torture by Lucifer in the Pit) followed by Castiel’s atonement, beginning with taking on Sam’s cage-match scars in 7x17 The Born Again Identity.   

I’ve talked elsewhere about how the name “Cindy’s Diner” in 14x17 Game Night might be a subtle call back to when Sam and Ruby killed the human host of a demon, Cindy McKellen, a nurse, in 4x22 Lucifer Rising, so Sam could drink her demon-inhabited blood and power-up to kill Lilith.

 And never mind the past - Dean, Sam and Cas have all been making some poor choices recently, often based around either a failure to communicate clearly, or to listen carefully, to one another. Dean was determined to lock himself in the Ma’lak box without even saying, “Goodbye,” to Jack and Cas. Cas made a deal with The Shadow and is insisting Jack keep it a secret from Sam and Dean (an unfair burden to put on a child). And Sam didn’t sufficiently consider the safety of the AU hunters under his care, around his AU!Michael infected brother, plus he also ignored Dean and Mary’s objections to Jack talking alone with Nick (which led to Nick being able to obtain Jack’s blood for his creepy Lucifer-raising ritual).

So, the season’s end seems to be setting up a scenario where Dean, Sam and Cas become convinced Jack’s “issues” are his soul-lessness and his parentage as the son of Lucifer (probably blaming him for Mary’s assumed death/ disappearance) rather than a) recognising Jack has probably now been whammied by Lucifer from beyond The Empty by a blood-spell and b) Jack’s poor choices are maybe coming from watching the behaviour of his three adopted fathers, not inherited from his absent biological one.

Notice, Jack wanted Mary to keep his burning up of Nick a secret.  

He has learned from the Winchesters that keeping secrets from your family members is how you deal with your issues.

Nature vs nurture.

Fate vs free will. 

Donatello, meanwhile, is the living proof, right under the Winchesters’ noses, that, even without a soul, you can choose to be a good person in the world, if, you have the proper guidance.   

Parenting is hard. 

[life-love-geekculture]

SPN 4x19: A few thoughts

This is not how this works, this is not how any of this is supposed to work.

So, let’s talk about the box.

On a good day, this would have been a not-so-great plan. If Jack had gone loco on a random person and events played out; it is not outside the realm of possibility for the boys to lock him in there till a fix could be found. They’ve done it before. Dean’s tricked Sam into Bobby’s old safe-room. Like I said not a great plan but an understandable one given the circumstances. With Mary as the victim, however and emotions running high, what started as a crap plan morphed into a very very bad one.

I’m not condoning what the boys did. In fact I literally screamed at my monitor, “Samuel Winchester, I am ashamed of you!” Yet, I don’t entirely blame them for it either.

I make no secret of the fact I fully believe Jack’s soul is still present. Besides Rowena’s description of Nephilim nature, soulless people in the series have never been shown to run or hide away from the consequences of their actions. Cover them up to avoid inconvenience, sure, but generally they just don’t care. Jack still very much cares what the Winchesters think. His attempt to resurrect Mary showed all the hallmarks of scared desperation and Dumah’s manipulation (and, oh, we will get there) orbited that same sphere. And yet, the casual tone to which he referred to Mary’s death sent a chill down my spine. Even being familiar with Jack’s odd vocal cadence, it’s clear something is wrong. And unfortunately neither of the boys are in the headspace to recognize it.

I know over the next few days Dean is going to get dragged through the mud as the coldest bastard to ever appear on this show. That or he’s going to be labeled OOC, I’m not here to tell people they’re wrong (okay, that’s not entirely true, I love to tell people they’re wrong). I’m merely going to point out the scene of the boys closing the door on Jack. There’s a brief close-up of Dean’s face as they hear Jack’s cry and for a good minute the mask slips. This is not a man who is happy with himself or proud of what he and his brother have done. There’s clear guilt present. And what does he do immediately after? Try to numb himself and avoid talking about the next steps. Dean is so wrapped up in grief, and guilt, and anger that he is shutting himself down to any and all solutions. It’s not good but it’s incredibly true to his character. The fact it was Mary and it was his son who killed her....some backsliding in character development is understandable. All I know is in times like these, he (Sam or Cas) always manage to pull himself/Dean back from the brink. Which is why Archangel bullets aside, I don’t believe he’ll go through with trying to kill Jack. I do, though, have a sinking feeling this will lead to someone else getting shot.

Now, let’s talk about Dumah. In all honesty, I’m not surprised by her plan. At most there are 10, 11 angels left in existence. They just had their home brutally attacked by a powerful force, just like the Bunker (oh, hey check out the parallels), and it’s something no one would have dared to try in eons. Needing to replenish forces, needing to project heaven as strong and safe...it’s a very human thing to do. Like the Winchesters, I don’t condone the choice but I understand it. That said, Cas is a beast and MVP (Most Valuable Parent) for the entirety of the season.

Next, we need to talk about Hallucifer

Again, this is a theory I’ve written about several times. Pulling out a fake-out Sam death so close to the finale always seemed a little odd to me. Add to the mix death-by-head-wound which is so mundane for a Winchester, it screams narrative significance. Taking what we know from the last time an angel repaired Sam’s head (ie Castiel), it appears the psychological damage of the cage or even being possessed by Lucifer himself can be transferred from humans to angels. I suspect some transferred to Jack, which is why he is seeing Hallucifer right now. What any of this has to do with the main plot, I have no clue. Though, I do find it interesting we haven’t precisely seen what happened to Mary. Just the moments leading up to her death.

I guess to sum this all up, I’m very concerned where TFW 2.0 is going into the finale. Cas is by far the most stable, but he’s also in the most danger. Jack...I agree with Cas that he is redeemable, but a core problem (Hallucifer) needs to be adressed. And, I worry what will happen if he gets his full soul back. He’s naive enough to the world that that kind of guilt and pain can backfire so easily. I have every bit of faith Dean will make the right call eventually. But he has to bull himself to the edge to do so. It’s Sam I worry the most about though. While this season has been rough for everyone, Sam seems to have taken the brunt of the beatings practically from the background. In short order he’s: lost a brother to possession (twice), had said brother almost attempt magical suicide without telling him, briefly lost a son, watched men and women he lead die in part because he couldn’t lose his brother, his son has lost a good chunk of soul, Sam was brainwashed, then almost died, and now his mother’s actually dead. Retracing old patterns, where Dean needs to lick his wounds in private, Sam needs to talk. And props to Jared Padalecki this episode (as well as Jensen) for projecting the sheer amount of grief Sam is suffocating under because Dean won’t stop for five seconds. The kid needs a break (I say of a character a few years my senior and a full head and shoulders taller than me.)

[sageclover61]

Cleansing Fire

@spnonewordbingo

Bingo Square: Afraid

Pairing: None

Rating: T

Wordcount: 1554

CW: Demon blood addiction, blood, vomit (not as graphic as the blood), possible suicidal ideation

There is no character death in this story, but it’s still dark.

Summary: Withdrawal from mortal substances could be lethal if not done carefully and in the view of trained medical professionals. Tying Sam to a metal table and locking him in the panic room? Not a good idea.

“You are nothing.” “You as good as killed me.” “Everything would have been better if you had never been born.”

Sam screamed, thrashing against the leather binding him to the metal bed. Sleep did not come easily and when there was sleep, it was nightmares full of blood and fire.

Mary and Jess taunted him, blaming him for killing them as though it was he who had snuffed the life from their bodies. Even as he watched them burned, screaming and trying so hard to save them, they condemned him.

And Sam cried, screaming and wailing, afraid and aching as his body both rejected the demon blood and demanded that he give it more and he was almost begging for the sweet relief of death because coupled with the reminder of the absolute disappointment and disgust in Dean’s gaze, death would have been better than having to deal with this Hell.

Sam ached everywhere. His wrists and ankles hurt from tugging on the leather binding, his face hurt from screaming and crying, and his stomach rolled, revolting from detox and demanding more and he didn’t even know what would be worse.

So Sam cried, and at some point he begged for anything from the God he had spent most of his life believing in because it was comforting, even if Dean only mocked him for that faith. And then they’d met the dick angels and Sam didn’t know what he wanted anymore.

He didn’t care about Hell and he didn’t care about Heaven, but he cared about forgiveness from the deity he’d spent his entire childhood begging for Dean to return home safely. And even if He wasn’t real, Dean had never died on a hunt so he wanted to believe that maybe Someone had been looking out for them. But then Dean had sold his soul for Sam’s life and Sam screamed at the injustice of everything. He shouldn’t have had to live without Dean, he wasn’t supposed to  have tried to live without Dean. It wasn’t ever supposed to be a possibility!

But it was. But it had been, and Sam cried, his emotions causing the demon blood to throw his bed around the room and he didn’t even care. The walls rattled around him, and all Sam wanted to was let go.

“Our Father, who art in Heaven,” he whispered brokenly, delirious, and not even sure what he was doing except that the repetition of the words brought a small measure of peace to his delirious and fever wracked body. “Hallowed be Thy name. They Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

What was the real goal? Anna had implied that human emotions were better than anything angels were allowed to feel. But human’s capacity to love was free will . There was no destiny there, not humans doing whatever the Hell they wanted to do.

“Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us.” He should not have fallen for the web Ruby had designed for him so beautifully. He should have seen it as the temptation that it was. He couldn’t believe that he was destined to be nothing more than the King of Hell that Azazel had designed him to be, but he just had no idea what God had intended his purpose to be. “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

He had fallen so far into temptation, how was he even supposed to start making amends for it all? But that didn’t necessarily mean he couldn’t change the way he lived his life, did it? The AA and the NA existed for a reason, right? He did not like what the demon blood did to him, even as much as he had only wanted to save so many lives. The road to Hell was paved with good intentions, after all.

“For Thine is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory, forever and ever.”

What did that even mean? Sam’s exhausted and fevered mind wondered. The angels either wanted to stop the apocalypse, or they wanted to bring it about, divine retribution and the final battle between Michael and Lucifer and all that jazz, Revelations , he wasn’t entirely sure what. They were pushing for Lilith to die, yes, but no one had ever outright said what the final seal even was. And these angels didn’t even like humanity, the mud monkeys.

Sam coughed, and coughed. He coughed so hard that he was retching and he didn’t like the copper taste in the back of his throat that made him gag more as a reminder of how nasty the demon blood was that had got him into this mess in the first place.

Even though he was hoarse and dizzy, he rambled into another prayer because it was the only thing he could think of that might make him feel a little less slimy with all the sins he had committed. “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and the Holy Spirit, both now and always, and unto the ages and ages.”

Was he supposed to be praying? Castiel had said if they prayed to him, he could hear it, and he always came when Dean prayed, even though he was always so irreverent 

No one had ever come when Sam prayed. Castiel didn’t even come when Sam prayed for him to come when he was in the same room as Dean, even if Dean just repeated the prayer a minute later when he didn’t come for Sam.

Maybe he was so tainted the angels couldn’t hear him. That would be better than if they were outright ignoring him, and maybe safter too. What would they even do to him if they came now? He was at his weakest, all of his strength sapped by the withdrawal, and he was tied, prone, to a stupid metal table. It wasn’t a bed, it was just a table. It would be so easy to smite him with a single thought, but at least it would be an instantaneous death, so much faster than wasting away to the withdrawal.

Sam didn’t really want to stop, and at least by praying he could feel like he was talking to someone else rather than just rambling on to himself. Reciting some of the common prayers as a child had felt a lot like meditating. “My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.” There was no way that his actions hadn’t been sinful, and going through withdrawal was going to just be the first step in trying to recover from that and move on with his life. If he survived.

“In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against You whom I should love above all things.” He loved his God, and maybe he had been less faithful after leaving Stanford, but that didn’t mean that he was living the life he wanted to live. “I firmly intend, with Your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.” Ruby was a demon. He should have killed her the second she said she was in a dying host. Instead he had followed her so far into sin there was probably no way he could ever make up for it, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He hated feeling like this.

“Our Saviour Jesus Christ, suffered and died for us. In His name, my God, have mercy. Amen” Sam stumbled through the last bit of the prayer. He was so tired and exhausted, and as he retched again, he could feel his strength failing.

Sam coughed. His ribs hurt, and he closed his eyes because he didn’t want to look at the blood he was sure to be coughing up. He coughed harder, and, Oh, God , his lungs hurt.

Finally, finally the coughing subsided. But he realized he couldn’t breathe. Not through his nose, not through his mouth. His lungs were on fire and he couldn’t breathe.

He blinked, wondering if this was it. It took a healthy person three minutes to asphyxiate, but he wasn’t healthy, hadn’t been in a long time.

There was a flash of white light, bright enough to blind Sam, and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was what dying would feel like. But even though he couldn’t remember what happened after he’d died, he did recall the moment Jake had stabbed him in the back, and there had been no light.

Closing his eyes did not help to block it out, and he curled in on himself as much as he was able, despite being tied to the table. He was afraid, but he didn’t know why . There was no reason to fear death. The only thing he had to be afraid of was living another day with the mindless need for more. He was done with the demon blood, even if the demon blood wasn’t done with him.

As the voice said, “It’s okay, Samuel. You are loved, and everything will be alright,” there was a moment of clarity. This was Raphael, Archangel of Healing, and maybe, maybe , maybe there was a God who cared.

[imagining-supernatural]

Triple-A: Coming Back

Part 1 of Triple-A

Summary: When you and Sam started dating, you never though that the shared history of both dating the same man at different times would become something you would have to actively deal with. After all, Gabriel died before either of you ever met. But 2018 seems to be a year full of surprises...

Word Count: 1951

A/N: So, I’ve never really been a Gabriel girl. Never really saw it. But the Sabriel feelings were so strong in 13x20 that I couldn’t help myself... Also, I have more written (at least enough for another part) so let me know if you guys want it! The next part actually has Gabe in it...

“What’s going on, Sam?” Even as you asked, you climbed into your truck and got settled in for the long ride back to the bunker. “I haven’t even finished the hunt yet.”

“I-I-I… it’s hard to explain, Y/N. Just… come home, ‘kay? There’s… there’s something you need to see.”

“Sam, babe, you’re kinda freaking me out.”

He chuckled humorlessly on the other end of the call. “Yeah, well, you’re not the only one. It’s just… there’s something kinda big going on.”

“Big how?”

There was silence, and you took the opportunity to start up the truck, the loud, familiar rumble burning through your bones, calming you even as your boyfriend’s hesitance spiked your anxiety.

“Look, Y/N, I just… the kind of big that makes me want to make sure that you know how much I love you. And that no matter what happens when you get back, I’m always going to love you. No matter what.”

“Sam…”

“Y/N. You know that, right?”

“Dude. I know. I love you too. So fucking much. What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t… you just have to see it. Now I gotta—”

“Samuel Winchester you are not hanging up on your girlfriend like that. I don’t care what we talk about, but you’ve got me all worried and I need to hear your voice until I lose service.”

Your lives were dramatic, but Sam wasn’t. Not usually. Your heart was racing faster than your truck and all you could do was run through worst case scenarios in your head. It was going to be a long, eight-hour drive unless you could get your mind off of whatever Sam deemed important enough to pull you off a hunt.

“Besides,” you said when Sam stayed silent, obviously not knowing what to talk about. Whatever was going on had him all up in his headspace, taking over every part of his thoughts. “I haven’t talked to you in a few days. How’re things going?”

“Uh… yeah. That’s not really something I can talk about without giving everything away.”

“Then tell me.”

“You’d crash the car.”

“I’ll pull over.”

“I’d rather tell you in person.”

“Fuck, Sam. Is it really that bad?”

“Potentially.”

“Fine,” you snapped, immediately feeling bad. “Sorry. I just… I took this hunt for a few days off, you know? Apparently I have bad timing.”

“Wouldn’t have you any other way, babe,” Sam’s voice warmed. “When this is all over, we’ll be able to take a real few days off. No hunts, no demons or angels, no Dean… Just the two of us.”

He delivered the lines smoothly, but there was a hitch in that last one. The part about just the two of you. There was something going on that made him unsure about your relationship. In the two years you’d been together, he’d never been uncertain.

Nevertheless, you ignored the implications and continued with the conversation. “Somewhere sunny and warm.”

“Mountains for me and a beach for you.”

“Mmm. Can’t wait.”

After an hour, your call started to cut out as you ventured further into the Wyoming wilderness and lost service. As soon as you ended the call, promising to drive safe, all of the anxiety Sam managed to cull came back with twice the force.

What the hell was going on?

*****

“Honey, I’m home!” You sang as you walked into the bunker, hoping to start off whatever conversation awaited with a positive tone.

“Shit,” Sam’s mumble echoed through the bunker, making you raise your eyebrow. “In the library!”

“Hey,” you greeted, nodding to Cas and heading towards Sam. “What’s going o—”

A bright flash blinded you for a second and suddenly Dean was there too, a glowing rift behind him. Apparently you’d missed a lot in the few days you’d been gone, considering opening the rift hadn’t been an option before. Your conversation with Sam was, obviously, going to have to wait.

He turned to Dean. “Dean, Dean! Hey! Hey, you’re hurt.”

Dean waved him off. “No, no. I’m fine. I’m fine.”

A sharp noise spat through the room and the glowing rip in space closed. All you could do was stand there and stare as the scene played out, so fucking out of the loop that nothing was making sense.

“Hey, the—the—the rift. It’s…” Sam looked from the rift to Dean. “Where’s Mom? Where’s Jack?”

“Long story,” Dean sighed. “So Mom and the kid, they're not with Michael anymore. Ketch and Charlie are staying back to try to find them. There's a Charlie over there. She kicks ass.”

Ketch? Ketch went with Dean to the apocalypse world? What the hell? And how did they get the rift open? You had all of the ingredients except for an arch-angel. Where would they have gotten that? If they managed to get Lucifer, that was probably something they would have let you in on before now.

“Uh, Charlie Bradbury?” Sam asked, and you caught the hope in his voice. Her death hit the boys hard. Hell, it hit you hard and you didn’t have the history with her that they did.

“Yeah,” Dean confirmed before finally looking around the bunker. As he did, you let your eyes wander too, taking in the mess. A fight. Something happened… Dean headed further into the room, briefly meeting your eyes. But, with the duffle bag on your shoulder, he knew you hadn’t been a part of this and addressed his question to the boys. “What’s this? What—what… what’d I miss?”

Yeah. You’d like to know that too.

Cas took the lead with that question. “There was a demon incursion, led by Asmodeus.”

Asmodeus? Why would he want to get in here? How would he even get in here?

Dean, apparently, was on the same page as you. “Sorry, Asmodeus got in here?”

“Yeah, and—and—” Sam cleared his throat and glanced your way, almost apologetically. “And Gabriel killed him.”

You didn’t hear him right. There was no way. “What?”

“Gabriel?” Dean’s voice overpowered your tiny question. “That’s great. So, he’s back.” He didn’t seem surprised in the least. He sounded… hopeful. “Where is he?”

“He just left,” Cas said reluctantly, but your eyes were stuck on Sam’s and all of the voices started to fade away.

Gabriel? The arch-angel? Your ex-boyfriend? Your boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend? Or fuck buddy, or fling, or whatever they called themselves when they were together?

That Gabriel?

There were other Gabriels in the world, though. It wasn’t an uncommon name. There was no way they could be talking about…

Eyes still locked on Sam’s, you dropped your duffle and fell into a chair. All of your strength had been zapped out of you as soon as your brain processed the fact that the man you used to love, the man you once thought dead, he was alive and well and had been in this very room not even an hour before.

Sam slowly moved over and took the seat next to yours, reaching out to grip your hand.

From the phone call and the way Sam was watching your reaction closely, you had your answer.

“Sam? Sammy!” Dean’s sharp voice cut through the bubble that surrounded the two of you, making Sam look up at him. But you still couldn’t look away from Sam’s face. The face that you loved. The man who stayed by you every step of the way. Sam wouldn’t ever fake his death and not let you know. He would take you with him, dammit.

“What?”

“We still have his grace, though, right?”

Sam didn’t want to answer Dean’s question. It wasn’t going to be an answer that Dean would like. “Uh, we—we used his grace to—to heal him. So, it’s—it’s gone. It’s all gone.

“So, if it’s gone, then that means that we can’t open that door again,” Dean said carefully. His voice raised to a yell, finally drawing your eyes from Sam’s face. “If we can’t open that door, then I should’ve never come back!”

You’d missed so much the last few days… so much. It was like you were in shock, watching a movie. You counted the seconds of silence before Dean exploded, throwing things off the table with a resounding “Son of a bitch! Every time!”

His anger didn’t register with you, but Sam and Cas sure looked shocked.

Gabriel was… back?

*****

“You should’ve told me sooner, Sam.”

He plopped down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. “I know. I know, baby. I just…”

“You just what Sam? Tell me.” You sat next to him and carefully pried his hands from his face until he had no choice but to look straight into your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? We both… we both loved him in our own ways. We both mourned his death. I thought we both understood where we stand on the Gabriel issue. Having the same ex.”

“It’s not… it’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

With a sigh, he eased his hand from your hold and ran a hand through his hair. After a few seconds of silence, you couldn’t take it anymore and leaned forward to press your lips to his cheek. It had been a long few days without him and coming home to this news? You both seemed to need some reassurance. “Babe, you can tell me anything, you know that, right? I love you, and I’m here for you.”

“I know, I know.” His hand fell on top of your head, holding you against him with your forehead pressed against his cheek for a long moment. That contact seemed to help him gear up his energy and he let go of you to scoot back until he was sitting against the headboard with his arms held open for you. With that kind of invitation, you were powerless to deny him and you climbed into his lap, settling in the safety of his hold.

Reassurance. Gabriel’s return had shaken the both of you. Sam had been living with this knowledge for days. Even the few hours drive you had, made you come up with dozens of worst-case scenarios. Sam had days.

You pulled back just enough to look up into his face. “Sam. I’m not leaving. Not ever. I love you.”

“You love him too.” He wasn’t jealous. Just stating a fact. A fact that rang true for the both of you.

“I did. Maybe I still do. But he left me. He left us. He let us mourn him. He made that decision for me, for us. I didn’t have any say in it. But right now?” You pressed a soft kiss to Sam’s lips. “I choose you, Sam. I will always choose you. And I know that you’ll always choose me. That’s… that’s not nothing. That’s pretty… pretty important.”

His lips quirked up in the first real smile you’d seen on him since you got home. “Say that again.”

“I choose you, Sam.”

“And that other thing?”

That other… it clicked and you returned his smile. “I love you, Samuel Winchester. I love you and I choose you and I like you and nothing is ever going to change that.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“And that other thing?” You prompted, a twinkle in your eye accompanying your words.

He just grinned and kissed you. When he pulled back, his voice was barely a whisper. “I love you and I like you and I choose you and I will choose you every damn day of my life because you are the most perfect part of my life.”

“God, how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”

Part 2: Eye of the Storm

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[mittensmorgul]

So I've been having Thoughts and Feelings about Dean being the lead torturer for TFW. In 10x21 and also in 13x22 (and obviously in 4x16 and probably others I've missed). What do you think?

Hi there. I have had loads of thoughts and feelings about this, but probably not more than Dean himself has. S4 was agonizing as the true horror of what he experienced in Hell unfolded. We learned little by little what actually happened to him. First that he remembered it at all (in 4.06! IT TOOK UNTIL 4.06 for even US the audience to learn he remembered things about Hell), and Sam didn’t even know that Dean remembered any of it until Uriel told Sam to ask Dean what he remembered in 4.07.

I’m putting this under a cut, because this essentially turned into a retrospective of torture on Supernatural post 4.01, and heeeeck it’s kinda dark. It also got really, really long.

Sam begins pestering Dean for details in 4.08, and at the end of the episode Dean tells him he’s not going to lie anymore, but he’s not gonna talk about it, either. Because it was just THAT traumatizing for him. EIGHT EPISODES LATER.

It’s not until the final scenes of 4.10 that Dean breaks down and tearfully confesses some of his experience to Sam.

Dean: It wasn't four months, you know.Sam: What?Dean: It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.Sam: My God.Dean: They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The -- the things that I did to them.Sam: Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.Dean: How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

And it’s not until the final scene of 4.11, aka that episode that they intentionally tried to craft as something so awful no network would ever air it again, like, deliberately scraping the bottom of the barrel to see how bad an episode they could get away with making, including all the shock value and zero redemptive quality, that we learn the absolute horror of Dean’s experience. Not only did he torture, but he liked it, and he can never forgive himself for that.

DEAN: You know, I felt for those sons of bitches back there. Lifelong torture turns you into something like that.SAM: You were in hell, Dean. Look, maybe you did what you did there, but you're not them. They were barely human.DEAN: Yeah, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam, defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure.SAM: What?DEAN: I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years, all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself. I didn't care who they put in front of me. Because that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

And it can’t possibly get worse than that. He’d essentially described what it feels like to become a demon, and it seems he was well along in the process when he was finally pulled from Hell and restored to his body with all the demon smoke scrubbed off his soul. Or else it wouldn’t trouble him to live with this memory of what he became there.

Note also that this is the turning point where Sam begins to buy into Ruby’s claims that Dean is “weak,” and too weak to really follow through with the hunt for Lilith. And Sam returns in the very next episode to start drinking Ruby’s blood and practicing his demon magic again. He believes that Dean “broke” permanently, and no longer trusts his ability. He begins to see Dean as “fragile.”

Which is why he goes running to Dean’s rescue in 4.16. Cas is no longer “in charge,” because he’d grown too sympathetic to the humans in his charge (literally Dean specifically, and Uriel was now running the show. And Uriel WANTED Dean “broken.” He wanted Dean damaged enough to be subservient to Heaven’s will.

Everything that happened in that episode (thanks, Edlund) is critical for understanding Dean and Cas. Cas begins to understand Dean on a truly human level:

DEAN: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.CASTIEL: For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

But he does it anyway. Meanwhile Cas begins to learn that something is truly rotten in the state of Heaven, that their orders aren’t all coming for reliable sources and that some angels have defected to Lucifer’s side in this. Dean learns the horrific truth that his “failure” in Hell was more than a moral or personal failing, but was literally the first key in starting the apocalypse. But after going through this fresh hell together, he and Cas are finally on the same side in this... on the side of Humanity over the squabbles of Heaven and Hell.

Sidebar to note that in the very next episode, Zachariah had to step in with a false reality to motivate Dean into even wanting to continue the fight... even if Zachariah’s machinations tended to go sideways on him...  but this is still important to note for Dean’s next run-in with torture, because it was yet another run-in with Zachariah and a manipulative vision of a horrific future where Dean apparently DIDN’T comply with Heaven’s wishes where he discovered his future-self was casually engaging in torture again.

In 5.04, Dean is disgusted with his “future self” that he seemed to rely heavily on his skill as a torturer. He called it classy. And look how well all that turned out for him... >.>

Over the years, Dean’s had multiple other run-ins with torture-- either performing it himself or his observations about others engaging in it. I’m just gonna make a list here for reference purposes, because I think a pattern emerges:

6.03: Dean is HIGHLY judgmental of Castiel’s treatment of Aaron Birch, a CHILD who Cas “can’t care about” because he’s at war... Dean’s reaction is expected, but it’s also used to demonstrate Sam’s LACK of a reaction. We’re supposed to be suspicious of why Sam would just... stand there and watch this happen, and we’re supposed to be very concerned for Sam because he doesn’t become upset the way Dean does.

6.07: Dean is HIGHLY judgmental of Sam (especially now that he knows Sam has no soul) when he learns what Samuel is doing with the Alphas he captures-- that he’s torturing them for information, but Sam doesn’t know what information.

6.10: This one’s full of torture on all sides >.> Dean is tied up and threatened with torture by Meg, Meg is eventually captured and tortured, but Dean kills Christian-possessed-by-a-demon. Dean then turns around and traps Crowley, and threatens him with Meg torturing him... not Dean himself doing the torture, but he’s tired of being on Crowley’s payroll trying to earn back Sam’s soul, and he seems less fussy about torturing demons than people, but still not doing it himself.

6.19: we see, and Bobby sees, Cas torture one of the people Eve had turned into a Jefferson Starship, for information on Eve’s location. I highly doubt that Bobby actually shared that fact with Dean, because he seemed downright horrified enough. And the pain of 6.20 is gonna hit Dean like a ton of bricks, so I like to think he didn’t know about Cas’s casual torture here.

6.21: But as horrific as everything in 6.20 was, it drove Dean to this point of bleak despair, learning of Cas’s betrayal that goes back more than a year, with the final straw being Lisa and Ben’s kidnapping. Dean... breaks. He grimly picks up his torture implements and tries to find where Lisa and Ben are being held by trapping and torturing demons. He’s so distraught he nearly gets himself killed, but Cas arrives just in time to save him. Meanwhile Sam resorts to a different tactic-- summoning Balthazar and asking him for help. Cas finds out that Balthazar “betrayed” him to the Winchesters, and kills him. It’s... a terrible state of affairs all around.

7.06: With a captured Leviathan, it’s Bobby who sets about systematically-- well not torturing per se, but trying to figure out what might even hurt or kill a leviathan. It’s effectively the same as torture, though, and thank heck Dean isn’t the one carrying it out. Enter: the season of throwing cleaning products at bad things.

7.15: Dean is tied up and tortured again, this time by someone he’d tied up and tortured back during the apocalypse, someone who’d been possessed by a demon they needed information from, and yet someone who claimed to want to help and actually consented to the torture if it got the demon to talk... but it was all lies, and now the guy wanted “his demon” back.

Then there was Purgatory, where everything was “pure.” It was 24/7 WHERE’S THE ANGEL, and interrogating everything he could catch and killing everything else. It was about finding Cas and surviving everything else. And it’s fucking scary. When he gets back, he’s shaken by his experiences there, but he’s also finally got a different context to associate with his abilities as a torturer. Something “safer” to pin those associations on at any rate rather than pointless gleeful torture for torture’s sake.

8.02: We see Dean resort, via flashback to his torturing a monster in Purgatory, to a similar but slightly more restrained technique (slamming a witness against a wall, choking him, and holding a knife to his neck) to get information back in the real world. He doesn’t go through with physical harm, but heck... that was torture.

8.07: But then Cas miraculously comes back. Dean’s wary, but it’s not Dean doing the torturing in this episode. It’s Crowley, torturing Kevin. Well, Dean does threaten a demon that Linda captured into revealing Crowley’s location, and then kills the demon when they get the information. >.>

8.10: Again, it’s Crowley doing the torturing, of Samandriel. It also becomes clear that Cas is suffering the aftereffects of some similar form of torture inflicted on him by Naomi, and his actions bear this out when he’s ordered to kill amandriel. It seems that Dean is put off again by torture, concerned for Cas, but refuses to even listen to information Crowley’s minion tried to share before killing him outright (whoopsie... that could’ve saved some trouble in 8.17...)

8.15: Dean is tortured by a witch (and Sam is, too), and they’re forced to relive hell-related memories. Not fun...

8.17: Dean describes Cas’s interrogation technique as “zero dark thirty,” and is rather horrified. He’s beaten and nearly killed by Cas before he breaks through... Cas heals him, and he finally learns that Cas has been controlled by Naomi this entire time, but then Cas flees, now being controlled by the Angel Tablet itself, with his only mission to protect that tablet at all costs.

I think it’s fair to say that Dean, by this point, has some fairly complicated associations with torture.

8.21: Cas is tortured by Crowley, and the Angel Tablet is stolen from him, but he escapes. 

8.22: Basically one long, slow torture by Crowley, killing people they’ve saved until they agree to his demands to turn over the Demon Tablet.

9.02: Sam and Dean have to save other hunters from being tortured by Abaddon. They were a trap designed to capture the Winchesters, but Gadreel-in-Sam was not something they’d been expecting...

9.03: Yeah, April tortures Cas, but Sam and Dean also capture a “rogue reaper” and torture him for information on Cas’s location. Dean had no difficulty cutting into a reaper who had been dispatched to capture and torture Cas for info...

9.09: Cas is captured and tortured by an angel faction, but managed to steal another angel’s grace and save himself.

And then in 9.11, Dean takes on the Mark of Cain, and is affected by it for the next season and a half... wherein he wrestles with the “darkness” in him, and then whoopsie, finds out that a lot of that darkness in him was The Darkness and not him at all...

Which period covers one of your original episodes you’d asked about: 10.21.

This was Dean’s final descent into the darkness of the Mark of Cain. I mean, even back in 10.14, there was a lot of references to what he was asked to do back in 4.16, and the same sort of vibe, with the twist that Dean KNOWS he needs to do this, and that he’s literally the only person in the world who can. So instead of grim acceptance and resignation, he basically psychs himself up for killing Cain, puts a plan in place, and does what needs to be done.

In 10.14, it’s no longer, “if I go in there, you won’t like what comes out,” but “I need to go in there, regardless of what comes out.”

So even if this isn’t a torture situation, it’s a moment for Dean to confront that similar moment (and loads of others like it) from his past.

10.21 I take with several grains of salt, because first of all it’s a Bucklemming episode, and they’re infamous for a gratuitous use of torture, sexualized violence, and general skeeviness. But also, this is Dean succumbing to the Mark of Cain/The Darkness. He does the torturing because he’s pragmatic. He’s good at it, and he’s also already “tainted” by it in ways that Sam isn’t (or at least not to this degree... Sam had his own run with darkness at the beginning of s10 when he was torturing demons for information on Dean, not to mention his treatment of Rowena in the run up to the end of s10, which absolutely also counts as torture).

10.22: Dean gives into the darkness, and while it’s not presented as torture, he’s an asshole who torments the parents of a kidnapped girl, slaughters his way through the entire Styne family, and nearly kills Cas before walking out.

But then the MoC is gone, and Dean’s himself again for the first time in a year and a half.

Through s11, Dean is more often the witness to torture (Cas under the Attack Dog Spell, the various things the Darkness perpetuates such as the Zompires, and the werewolf victims in 11.17) or the victim of torture (by the naczer... nachez... the ghoulpires in 11.04, by the demon in 11.15) than the perpetrator.

The BMoL and Lucifer were behind most of the torturing in s12, forcing Dean to refresh his perspective on those morally grey areas.

I think another important episode you missed was 13.07, where they capture and confront Ketch, who’d been torturing and killing witches for information on Rowena’s whereabouts. Dean sees through Ketch’s lies from the start, and has no problem torturing Ketch. (again, this is Bucklemming, so have your serving of salt) But Dean knows who and what Ketch is, and that goes a long way, I think, to making it easier for him to dole out torture in this case.

13.14: Donatello has been corrupted by the demon tablet and attacks Sam. Dean attempts to interrogate him, but Donatello is too powerful and nearly suffocates him with magic. Cas falls on his sword, carrying out a horrific torture of stripping Donatello’s memories from him, leaving him brain dead, because Dean and Sam had not wanted to kill Donatello, despite that essentially being the only way to stop him. And it tortured Cas as much as it tortured Donatello, as we saw the results of that particular ability of Castiel’s demonstrated by the broken and tormented version of him in the alternate universe in 13.22.

And while it’s also Bucklemming, I will give credit to 13.22 for demonstrating the parallel between the AU!Castiel version of torture, and the cooperative version that Dean and Cas carried out together. AU!Castiel was reprogrammed to the point of breaking under the weight of the horrors he’d perpetrated, and his only purpose, which he seemed to take pleasure in, was this specific form of torture for information, stripping the memories from his victims until nothing was left.

We had this particular horror set up both with Donatello, but also a season earlier in 12.11 when Dean’s memories were disappearing one by one, until nothing would’ve been left of him. He’s got a very personal association with that particular form of torture.

And in full disclosure here, this is one of my personal biggest fears. I do not like amnesia as a trope, I do not like reading it, I avoid stuff based around loss of identity, because it’s triggering and nothankyou I do not need a psychotic break today. So... suffice it to say, the lack of my going into explicit detail here is a method of self-preservation, and I thank y’all for not posing more direct questions about it. I will not answer them.

But Dean and Cas working together, getting information from someone who’d betrayed all of humanity in giving information to the angels, and yet STILL only taking that ONE bit of information before stopping the torture... I mean they were trying not only to save Charlie and Ketch’s lives, but trying to rescue them before the angels tortured them into giving up everything about the human resistance, putting the rest of humanity in jeopardy.

This was about more than just a horrific act of torture, but about the stark contrast between both the method and the cooperation between Cas and Dean, the trust, and who they are as people compared to what they so easily could’ve become.

Dean so very easily could’ve become what Ketch was in 12.21, and Cas could so very easily have become what AU!Castiel became, BECAUSE of torture inflicted on them, and torture they’d doled out themselves, but that’s not who they are, and it doesn’t define them.

So yeah, I guess that’s the evolution of Dean as a torturer. 

[interstellarstorms]

13x21 Coda

Summary: The scene between Lucifer and Sam from Sam’s perspective

Pairing(s): Gen

Warnings: Canon Temporary Character Death, Rape / Non-Con, Suicide

Word Count: 1880

Read on AO3 

The first gasp was unbidden, like a drowned man from the bottom of the deepest sea. He sat upright with a start and knew he was panting for air but it was like static. His mind was nearly blank apart from the shock of the moment but as the moment wore on, it was as if the fog was subsiding on a desolate landscape.

The first things to come back were sensations: the ground beneath him, the coolness of the air, the quiet surrounding him, the metallic smell of blood. For some reason, his hands instinctively shot to his throat, even though his mind was still too empty to recall why. All he could feel was the roughness of his stubble and the sharp rise and fall as he struggled to catch his breath. That’s what was so strange; there was no particular feeling, no pain. Yet somehow, that felt so wrong. And that was when the emotions began to resurface.

Initially, it seemed like it was just confusion, but confusion never felt so sinister. Then came the realization that he was terrified. And in that moment, a whirlwind overcame him and he looked around the room: terror, devastation, grief, and familiarity. He was almost afraid he might vomit, or even worse, that he might cry. But still, he couldn’t explain why. In an attempt to regain control, he stood up, continuing to search for something, expecting something , although he couldn’t recall what.

“Boo!”

That’s when the memories flooded back into him like a tidal wave, nearly forceful enough to knock him over. He was Sam Winchester, and he had died. And he’d been been here before.

A cold laugh. He spun around. He knew that cackle. He knew that face. Lucifer. Again. “Hey, Sammy.”

“No,” he whispered, willing it to not be real, willing himself to still be dead. It felt like panic rising in his throat, except “panic” was a word used for how Sam felt around clowns and pitch darkness. There were no words to describe the feeling of looking into the face of the being who had flayed, tortured, disemboweled, and assaulted him in every way imaginable for time longer than the human mind was built to comprehend.

The devil grinned over at him. “Yeah. I mean you could do the whole pinch yourself, rub your eyes thing or you could put on your big boy pants and just, you know, cut right to the realization that yep, it’s me.” Sam could only look back with resentment, trying to subdue the flashbacks rushing through his head. Lucifer in Jessica’s form, invading his deepest sleep. Lucifer smiling serenely in the mirror after using Sam’s body to kill. Lucifer tearing the flesh from Sam’s broken form. Lucifer invading every part of Sam. Lucifer taking every vulnerability that Sam had and violating it. Lucifer keeping Sam awake so long he lost his mind (never mind they said it was all in his head). Lucifer taking the form of his best friend in the world besides Dean and forcing Sam to watch. Lucifer the first time Sam was resurrected, that same ease about him, watching as Sam pieced it all together from the blood on the carpet and the knife that had fallen from his hand.

“You, you..” he stuttered, “you brought me back?” Again. Against my will, when I would much rather have died.

“I did! You’re welcome.” Lucifer said happily. It was the same tone he’d used when Sam would beg after his body and soul could take no more. It was the tone that told Sam that even death could not help him escape his fate. The same tone he’d use at the end of every day in the Cage, telling Sam that it wasn’t so bad, that deep down, Sam knew he deserved it and he wanted it. It was awful: casual, sarcastic, and so familiar. It hadn’t been like that last time Lucifer had brought him back--no, this voice had only come after the Cage. After hundreds or thousands of years of torture, Lucifer had slowly lost his formality. It was a cruel mockery to Sam’s consent that he did it, to talk as if they were friends, “roommates” or “bunk buddies” as Lucifer put it. It was a reminder of the eons they’d spent together, Sam’s flesh being ripped or melted from his body, his body itself being violated countless times over.

“But why?” Sam pleaded, hoping that he didn’t sound as desperate as he did in his head. Sam knew Lucifer well enough at this point to know what vulnerability got him, and that was not something he desired to relive.

“Uh, well, I’m getting to that,” Lucifer sounded irritated at Sam’s deviation from whatever script he had built inside his head, a script in which Sam always immediately complied. If the cage had taught him anything about the devil, it was that rebellion never went well. While Sam thought it was necessary to keep up the fight, after the first few hundred years, it was nearly unbearable. Scratch that--it was unbearable, to begin with, and it was at that point that he had begun to lose the will to keep going.

Sam forced himself back into the present. And when was that again? Cage? No. Oh, yes, alternate universe, he remembered. A sudden realization struck him. “The rift! The rift,” he exclaimed, thinking back to how he had arrived in this mess. “Rowena!”

“Oh, she’s okay,” Lucifer assured him. “I mean I-I was gonna kill her, but she blasted me here before I had a chance to, so,” he trailed off, “‘s great, self-defense. I was coming here anyway.”

“But we drained you!” It just wasn’t fair. Nothing ever was with Lucifer. He’d fight and he’d fight for good, and all he’d gotten was the worst Hell could offer.

“So...how did I have the juice to pull off my little Lazarus trick? Ah, that’s a long story, but I was basically tracking you here, and then I came across a handful of Michael’s angels, and I...ate ‘em. Guess its not really a long story, is it?” I don’t fucking care, Sam wanted to respond, but having just come back from death yet again had drained him. It was taking a lot to even physically stay on his feet.

“”What do you want?” The first time he’d been in this position, at least he had known the reason. Lucifer had wanted his true vessel, and that meant he needed Sam. In the cage, every time Lucifer would tell him the reason for the day’s torture: revenge, boredom, indifference. Here, it was beginning to feel as if there was no point to it at all.

“What do I want? I want what everyone wants, I want a personal apology from Pop. I want rerun-free, year-round episodes of ‘Drag Race’.” Sick fuck. Lucifer played at human well, but Sam knew better.

“Yeah, got it, okay, right. We’re done here.” Sam said conclusively, impatiently, wanting desperately to put about a hundred thousand miles between himself and Lucifer. He bagan to make his way out, quickly as he could, truly not expecting to get very far. Nothing was ever so simple, yet he prayed anyway that it somehow would be.

“Are you going? Here, it’s dark out there.” Lucifer responded nonchalantly, handing a flashlight to Sam, who bewilderedly accepted. He clicked to button to turn it on so the light shone onto the ceiling of the cave, watching as Lucifer nodded, and then lowered it. He tensed with a start: the vampires. They were everywhere.

“Yeah, they’re sort of all over there and I’m holding them back. They’re just waiting for a little snap of the fingers but I didn’t want them flooding in here and eating ya again, until we’ve finished our convo.” Sam watched them snarl. It was a horrific, messy death, but it didn’t look so bad from where Sam stood. All he wanted to know was why, anger surging through his veins.

“ What do you want ?” Sam shouted, fury and fear overwhelming him.

“I want what you already have: a relationship with my son” Sam looked down. It was impossible to look Lucifer in the eye. Jack. Sam could see his face now in his mind’s eye. He’s only a child, Sam thought, and the closest I’ll ever have to a child of my own. “Okay, there was a time where I would, you know, just grab him, but I’ve grown.”

“Yeah, sure you have.” Sam exhaled, attempting sarcasm in spite of how his mind was screaming in horror and fear.

“I have, Samuel. I want my son,” he said seriously, “and you’re gonna help me.”

“How?” Sam tried to keep only his confusion on his face, but he was afraid he felt the desperation leaking into his features, and his horror. Even after the years of torture, this kind was new, and Sam could feel how much Lucifer relished in it. He had a new weakness, and Lucifer knew it.

“Well, I don’t feel like he’ll give me a chance unless I come bearing gifts. Yep, boop! ” he added at the disgust on Sam’s face and poking Sam. “That’s you.” Sam could feel his chest go cold where Lucifer had touched him. It was a feeling he never got used to. Even after all this time, after all the places he’d felt it. It was beyond unnatural.

“Look, Sammy, I’m not asking you to like it or to like me, all I’m asking is that you acknowledge the truth: that I was the one who brought you back to life and I was the one who lifted you from the darkness, and into the light.” Impatience was seeping into Lucifer’s voice, bringing back the millions of times Sam had heard it like that before. “Okay?” There was a pause. “Apocalypse world, Michael’s armies, you really think you and your family can handle that stuff alone? You need me.”

“And what if I say no?” Sam asked, summoning all his courage and defiance to stand up against his long-time torturer. That damned hope, somehow he couldn’t give it up.

Lucifer cleared his throat. “Let me just make this really really really easy, easy enough for even you to understand, Sammy. I’m getting to Jack, one way or the other, the only question is, you coming with, or that?” He said, gesturing at the vampires--Sam’s death sentence, or were they the world’s? In either case, Sam looked out at them, watching them snarl and fight against the invisible wall that seemed to separate them from him, feeling sick to his stomach in way only Lucifer could cause. “Your move, Champ.”

Sam could only stare back, heart sinking. There was a long pause in which Sam could thought back on his options. The only way he could see was to go along, try to derail Lucifer later, as he had by jumping into the pit. Lucifer smiled as a tear fell from the tall man’s eye. Sam shuddered as Lucifer reached forward to wipe it away, just as he had the first time Sam had killed himself to escape. So much cold. No escape.

“Promise me you won’t hurt him.”

[captainextremis]

So, I’ve had time to think about the DOOM Eternal trailer since Bethesda released it back at E3, and one thing that struck me as odd was Doomguy’s armor:

If you look closely, you’ll notice his bicep is left uncovered, and the armor is lacking some of the runic details and looks much “cleaner,” if you could call it that. That means it’s the Doom Marine armor, from the original two games, and yet, the helmet shape seems to be in the general shape of the Praetorian armor from DOOM 4, if not a fusion of the Doom Marine and Praetorian helmet. On top of that, the Super Shotgun looks different, but that’s most likely just because they needed to make it look fresh as hell for the new game.

And yet, trustedreviews.com has this to say about what we know about the game thus far:

“A direct sequel,” it says.

Now, this could only be a “direct sequel” in name only, but I doubt it, which lends the question:

If this is a sequel, why does Doomslayer look different? If it’s supposed to be a sequel, shouldn’t he have the Praetorian armor? Well, to answer that, we have to answer who the Doomslayer is. Which means you get two theories for one!

So first off, in DOOM 4, we are told we play as “the Doomslayer,” to skip over a bunch of dialogue. It’s heavily implied the Doomslayer is the same Doom Marine from the first two games, Final DOOM, and DOOM 64. How do we know? In DOOM 64, Doomguy decides to remain in hell to stop every last demon from breaching the walls to the physical universe, and we know that this is the same Doomguy from DOOM 1 and 2. The Helix stones in Hell describe the Doomslayer as a warrior who has “traveled through dimensions and eons” slaughtering the legions of Hell, and the in-game UAC team that recovered his sarcophagus codenames him “DOOM Marine,” which I don’t find as a coincidence. Not only that, but we see the Doomslayer doing this:

...Showing that he’s not just a mindless killing machine. He has a sense of humor. A sense of empathy. He has humanness to him. This is right in line with his backstory from DOOM 1, where it’s stated he’s been sent to Mars as punishment for beating the shit out of a superior officer when he refused to fire on innocent civilians.

However, the game strongly implies that the Doomslayer is a Knight Sentinel, a leader of mystical knights from the realm of Argent d’Nur. Hell coveted the power of the Wraiths, and constantly tried to seize control of the realm to claim their power for themselves, but were constantly foiled by the Knight Sentinels. After one war, however, one of the Night Sentinels lost his son, and a Hell Priest named Deag Grav saw him grieving and decided to exploit the hell out of it. He offered the traitorous Sentinel his only son back if he led him to the Wraiths, which the Sentinel did, which also makes no sense. I mean, even if Hell had brought his kid back the way he wanted, they’d still be under Hell’s control, right? Huge lack of foresight on the Sentinel’s part. Anyway, long story short, Deag Grav corrupts the Wraiths so they start producing Argent energy, Hell invades, everyone dies.

Except the Traitor. Because he honored his end of the deal, the hell priests brought his son back...as the Icon of Sin. What a kick in the dick.

Now angry beyond belief and wracked with guilt, the Night Sentinel goes on a murder spree across all nine Circles...seventeen levels...six hundred and sixty six realms…? I don’t know if they based this off of Judeo-Christian hell or not, sue me. Anyway, Night Sentinel dude goes beating the shit out of demons for some amount of time. As you’ve seen, both backstories of both protagonists could possibly the backstory for the Doomslayer, but which one is it? Well, that’s simple.

It’s both. At the same time.

Hear me out on this, ‘cause here’s where the speculation comes in: let’s say both Doomguy and the Traitor are staying in Hell, killing demons. We don’t know how big Hell really is, but I’d imagine the two of them have to figure out the other one exists at some point, right? They have eons, after all. Maybe they met by pure happenstance. Maybe one discovered the other resting and attacked, thinking they were a new demon, but quickly figured out they were not even close. Maybe one discovered a bunch of mangled demon corpses and specifically remembered not killing them, so they follow the trail of gore to see the other one kicking ass and taking names. Either way, the two of these two legends meet, and they quickly bond over their tragic pasts and their mutual hatred of demons, and they both quickly forge an alliance in the fires of Hell.

Now, at this point, the Seraphim mentioned in DOOM 4 comes down and is all like, “You two are bros now? Okay, cool. Here’s some divine powers’n’shit to help you kill more shit,” and the Seraphim grants either the Night Sentinel or Doomguy (or both) their supernatural killing power. It doesn’t really matter, but after that, I have two theories:

Either the Seraphim fuses the two warriors right then and there, or some time afterward, they fuse together body, mind, and soul due to the paranormal properties of Hell. Either way, they cease to be Doomguy and the Night Sentinel, and are reborn as “the Doomslayer,” and with two souls combined, they are sharing a metric fuckton of anger between them in one body. That anger’s gotta get let out on something, though.

The new Doomslayer proceeds to go on such a mortifying killing spree that the Lord of Hell/Lucifer/Satan/the Devil is shitting himself just thinking about how much destruction Doomslayer could cause if he got to his seat of power, so he sends armies, platoon, legions of demons to kill him. Doomslayer ends up flattening all of them instead, so the big boss releases The Titan, a demon so fuckmassive it would take at least ten-thousand cyberdemons standing on each others’ heads to get up to its eye level, and tells it to sic Doomslayer; Doomslayer kills the thing with his bare hands (or whatever you believe is equally as awesome). With all options for outright eradicating Doomslayer thrown out the fucking window, the Lord of Hell has his armies seal Doomslayer away in Kadingir Sanctum instead. Cue the events of DOOM 4, and its ending. I highly believe Doomslayer got sent back to Hell, and is now more thoroughly pissed off than ever, which means as soon as he sees an open portal to Earth, he runs his ass right though so he can find Samuel and use the tin can’s chassis as a toilet.

Except he finds demons. Hordes upon hordes of demons, most likely brought to Earth by Samuel harvesting more Argent Energy and/or Olivia Pierce’s failed deal to invade Mars (again, thanks to Doomslayer). Either way, he’s back on Earth, and he’s ready to r i p  a n d  t e a r some more demons apart.

So back to the original point...why the different armor, then? Well, this is more rampant speculation, but I think, at some point between DOOM 4 and DOOM Eternal, Doomslayer actually manages to become un-fused. For some reason, Doomguy and the Night Sentinel split apart from each other, most likely due to the Applied Phlebotinum of Earth being dragged into Hell. It could be any number of reasons, really, but the important thing is that Doomguy and Night Sentinel-guy separate their bodies and souls. What Night Sentinel would be doing in the game, I dunno, but I’m guessing DOOM Eternal’s gonna be an adaptation of DOOM 2, and if that’s the case…

Doomguy’s gonna be able to kill everything demonic on the planet with nothing more than skull-splitting, mountain-flattening, earth-shattering RAGE.

Meddle not with a man’s pet rabbit, for you do not know how much he may enjoy your screams.

Alternately, Doomslayer is gone entirely and we’re just playing as a normal (lol, “normal”) Doom Marine, hence the armor difference. But that’s no fucking fun, is it? 

[wazafam]

Supernatural has featured many powerful weapons over the years, with the most deadly being the Colt and the Equalizer, the latter created by God. From the beginning, Supernatural provided viewers with exactly what the title suggests, in the form of two brothers hunting supernatural creatures. Considering that their foes usually aren't human, conventional weaponry rarely does any good for the Winchesters, as pumping a demon full of standard bullets would annoy it at best and make it really angry at worst.

Killing off monsters requires special firepower, and the weapons employed by Sam and Dean didn't get any more special than the Colt and the Equalizer. The Colt was introduced way back in Supernatural's first season, with John Winchester working alongside his sons to procure it, as it was a legendary weapon. Conversely, the Equalizer was introduced near the end of season 14, only figuring heavily into Supernatural's final season. Both are guns designed to kill the thought to be unkillable, and both succeed to varying degrees.

Related: Why Supernatural Killed Off Lauren Cohan's Bela Talbot

In many ways, the Equalizer can almost be seen as a replacement or upgraded version of the Colt, if not outright specifically designed to make up for its shortcomings. Here's how it takes the Colt's abilities and enhances them.

The Colt, hence its name, was created by legendary hunter Samuel Colt, a character based on a real-world historical figure and gun manufacturer that was the first to make the mass production of revolvers into a big business. It's unclear exactly what magic Samuel was able to harness when making the Colt, but it was clearly very powerful, as the weapon - along with bullets specially fashioned for it - are able to kill just about anything. As Sam and Dean learned the hard way though, the Colt has its limits, as seen when they attempted to kill Lucifer. According to the prince of darkness, there are only five beings in all of creation the Colt can't kill, he obviously being one of them. It's unconfirmed who the others are, but God aka Chuck seems like a good pick, as do the other archangels.

The Equalizer's status as a gun crafted by God instead of man automatically elevates it above the Colt, although if one wanted to really get particular about it, it could be argued that God allowed Samuel to make the Colt in the first place, and perhaps "wrote" him into doing so as a sort of experiment. Supernatural got a tad complex as the years went on. Still, The Equalizer is clearly an otherworldly weapon, as it doesn't fire bullets, and instead sends a wave of multidimensional energy at its intended target. While it wasn't able to kill God when Sam turned it against him, it did inflict serious damage to Chuck, the level of which seemed to surprise even him.

That actually makes perfect sense in hindsight, following Jack's ascension to being the new God, and Chuck being stripped of his powers late in season 15. God clearly knew Jack's power levels would eventually rival his, and fashioned the Equalizer to be able to kill a close, but not yet quite god-like being, not expecting it to be used against him instead. Of course, the Equalizer's immense power comes with the huge drawback of inflicting the same damage on the user as it does on the victim, making it literally kill and be killed. Either way, it's a great thing for the residents of Supernatural's universe that both the Colt and Equalizer have been destroyed, as they're just too dangerous to have around and available for use.

More: The CW's Walker Cast Has An Interesting Supernatural Connection

Supernatural's Colt vs Equalizer: Why God's Weapon Is Stronger from https://ift.tt/3b2UE1A

[whatsapp-rpg-moments]

Whatsapp RPG Halloween Event

3rd/2nd Place

Lime Green's Submission

(Mutilation Trigger Warning)

-----------------------------

Red, crimson, velvety smooth ran the blood of the officer. Sharply dressed in a brown uniform, he had his baton held tightly in his right hand, little did he expect to be living his final moments in a dark alleyway of a city he never loved. His breathing got quicker with each passing moment. Each breath laboured, the world around him got a little brighter each waking moment. He held his hands at his torso, covering the bullet wound while more viscous, and thick liquid flooded out. His lips moved but nothing came out. Slowly, a glowing warmth spread through his head. There was little he could do. He let in a deep breath, a sigh of goodbye from the world he loved. A goodbye to his daughter, Alicia, a goodbye to his son, Felix and a final goodbye to his teenage sweetheart Amy.

And then, there was nothing. Death reaped his soul with the sickle of sorrow. Standing there, squatting over the cold, lifeless body, was Samuel. One clean and swift motion and off went the head. The knife that served Samuel continued slicing through the body of the motionless corpse. The corpse of a man in a police uniform. Grotesque noises of sliced flesh sped through the lifeless night. Twelve midnight considered to be too late in the town, every fallen drop of blood seemed to reverberate. 

Samuel took his knife and dug it slowly into the skin of the man, slowly adding more pressure and tearing the skin into two. He dug deeper, pushing through the wet and warm tissue and into the bone. He clung onto the bone, pushing more and more as he pulled out more tools. Hammers, pliers, screwdrivers made light work of the officer as Samuel slowly pierced the body bit by bit. Blood continued gushing and rushing out of the body as the stomach cavity revealed itself. First the ribcage, then the lungs, intestines, heart, liver, anus, and finally the eyeballs all slowly drawn out. Organs after organs soaked in honey-like blood continued to be pulled out of the officer.

“Sergeant’s been missing for more than a week now Cap’n” a Southern voice asked worriedly, “We’ve been looking for a week and have not found Sarge! How in the name of god will we ever find him? How do we know he’s not dead-”

“Don’t be absurd Pete!” Captain Charlie cut Peter’s words short, uneasy by the thought of having the best sergeant in the precinct and the Captain’s personal friend dead, “We’ll keep looking. I don’t care if it will take a month, a year, a decade, a century. We will find that man. We will find Terrence!”

The arrival of a strange package cut the discussion short. Covered in a type of lubricant and a metal suitcase, the delivery man quickly dropped off the package and left in a hurry. The two, Captain and Detective, made their way to the suitcase to open it. The package was a beautiful aluminium briefcase with a clip to open and close, locked by a brass padlock. The seams seemed to be airtight, with rubber used to hold in place. The package felt eerily cold. The aluminium was given a majestic matte finish and kept under fabulous condition. The two quickly cut open the briefcase to be presented with a horror of a lifetime.

It was a body, torn and tattered into pieces, frozen between packets of silica gel and dry ice. Eyeballs, lungs, liver, kidney, stomach, bones, everything tightly placed almost as if packed by a master in tetris. The skin seemed to have been burnt under a high heat as a black colour overtook the rather pale skin. The two quickly looked away in pure disgust, shutting the briefcase as quickly as it was opened.

“Forensics confirmed, it was Sarge. We don’t know how he died, the body was too dismembered to find out,” Peter managed to say. The precinct was somber, and in despair. The friend of many was found dead.

“We’re going to get the son of a bitch who killed Terrence. I will not rest till that piece of shit is sent to rot in prison for the rest of their lives.” Captain chanted as he decided his new mantra, “Let’s get this bastard.”

Let me be true and true be fair,

Give me your hopes and let me make them disappear,

Hold your breath oh lovely one,

I’m the one to tell you what’s next,

If I be true then as is what happens for you,

Let me be your best shot of help,

The magic and hate cannot be one,

I will be the one to tell what’s next,

Have faith and learn what comes next,

Let me be the one telling you what’s next.

Samuel read these words, enthralled by the idea of seeing the future, took his chances and continued reading on. The book seemed blank to him but as he flipped through, more words started to appear. To know what would happen to him in the future, and to learn of what he would be like made him nervous. Anxious, he continued reading in hopes of getting to know more about himself. 

See now see later,

What’s true remains as such,

Destined you are for greatness,

In terms of strength and magical help.

Magic ran through Samuel’s mind. Magical help were the words that echoed throughout. How would magic run through the veins of Samuel. He let the matter rest at the back of his mind as he kept doing his chores at home.

No, he could not help himself. How? How? HOW? How will he get magical? How would he be strong? What must he do?

That was when it occurred to him. He needed to go to the devil. That is precisely what he did. Samuel got in contact with the devil.

“What do you want?”

“Magical powers!”

“What? You know I can’t just give you magical powers right? It’s not like I’m some sort of dispensable piece of equipment you can just call to get something! Why don’t you ever just call me to have a sandwich? You don’t even hang out with me bro!”

Perplexed, Samuel stood staring at the devil. This big, burly creature with muscles twice the size of his head seemed to be upset. His red skin and horns only gave him a gritty exterior when he really just was a soft person at heart. It made Samuel happy to see that even people obviously better than him in every way struggle with things.

“You want to talk about it Mr. Satan?”

“My name’s Lucifer!!” Lucifer yelped, “Yes I do want to talk!”

The two spoke endlessly over and over with each other as the two bonded over similar problems in their lives. Lucifer seemed to be having love life issues with his partner in heaven. As is, there was a stigma attached to being part of hell, but the fact that his lover was an angel did not help either. Now the gods forbid them from meeting again!

“Damn dude it kinda sounds like god doesn’t respect your feelings. So what if she’s from heaven, love is love my dude!” Samuel proclaimed exasperatedly.

“You know what dude, you’re right! How can they even stop me?” Lucifer agreed, “You know what? You’re a pretty cool dude! Just surrender your life and soul to me and I will give you magic.”

Out of the blue Samuel was given a choice for the power of magic. The ability to do magical things. His mind ran endlessly as he sought to think of what he was giving up. He did not know if he wanted to give up his soul, or even his life, to have magical capabilities.

Samuel wanted to be the best, strongest, fittest and most powerful man ever. The idea of total control made his eyes glint blood red. The thought of total control over mankind let loose an emotion in him like no other. Samuel wanted it. NO, he needed it. He had to be the best person alive, no matter the cost.

“Yes. Take my soul and give me powers for it is magic that I seek. Tetris shall be our name!” Samuel bellowed ever so menacingly.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………....

Lucifer enchanted the air around. Magenta, purple, red and yellow, a swirl of these colours ran mystically around him. The pale cream walls of the living room seemed to be hauntedly black in colour. Mystical glints of sparkles ran wild, bombarding the space around it. A sparkling of sounds, deafening beyond physically possible.

(unfinished)

[thefragileblackdahlia]

In the Beginning: Part two

Chapter Summary: Dean is transported back in time and finds that his newfound grandfather may be hiding a secret that is key to Sam and Dean's predicament. While dreaming, he finds a familiar face. Castiel seems to have trouble remembering, and Ariel deals with her time in the Mal'ak box.

Pairing(s): Eventual Dean x Archangel!OFC

Warning(s): Self-loathing, Fluff, Angst, Typical Supernatural violence, Mild Language

A/N: I wasn't sure how to write this one. It isn't one of my favorite episodes, but still, the story is essential. Thanks to everyone who is keeping up with the fic. This episode will have LOTS of Dean x Ariel content, teehee.

Beta'd by Katieartist

Word count: 2,742

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After tracking Mary and John to a diner, Dean finds out that his mother was a hunter. Dean persuaded Mary to let him talk with her dad, his grandfather. There, his elder quizzed him on how to hunt the supernatural.

Mary's father sat in a recliner chair, studying a lore book as he acknowledged Dean. "So, you're a hunter?" He mocked, "Well, tell me something, mister hunter, you kill vampires with wooden stakes or silver?"

Dean grinned at his forwardness, "Neither. You cut their heads off. So, do I pass your test?" He poked.

"Yep." Samuel retorted while also closing the lore book in annoyance and tossing it on the small coffee table. "Now get out of my house." He snapped.

Mary scoffed at her dad's disdain. "Dad!"

Samuel ignored his daughter and made no effort to look Dean in the eye. "I don't trust other hunters, Dean, don't want their help, don't want them around my family."

In the background, Deanna prepared the table. "Knock it off, Samuel."

"He's a hunter," Sam replied.

Deanna strolled into the living room and placed a hand on her hip, "Who passed your little pop quiz, and now I am inviting to dinner. Are you hungry?"

"Starving." Dean replied.

"Good. I'm Deanna." She informed, extending out a hand for Dean to shake. "You've met my husband, Samuel, now wash up."

Dean looked at Mary with a warm smile; it made him feel nice to know he and his brother were named after their grandparents. "Samuel and Deanna?" Mary just gave him a knowing nod. He added, "Really?"

. . .

Everyone sat around the dinner table, eating dinner. Dean held a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. As he went to tear into his steak, he was interrupted by a light tap on the arm from Deanna.

"First time in Lawrence, Dean?" She started with a smile.

"Well, it's been a while. Things sure have changed...I think." Dean went back to eating, but before he could, he was asked another question.

"You working a job?" Samuel asked while pouring gravy over his mashed potatoes.

"Yeah, maybe." Dean replied vaguely, setting both forearms on the table as he looked to Sam.

"What's that mean?" Samuel snapped.

Dean smirked at Samuel's suspicions, "It means I don't trust other hunters either, Samuel."

Mary and Deanna shared a look of admiration for Dean's sass.  The young woman chewed on her fork before speaking, "Hey, um" She cleared her throat. "Why were you following me and John?"

The chartreuse-eyed hunter sat his utensils down and looked to Mary. "Mmm, I thought something was after you, um -- boyfriend, but um, I don't think that anymore."

Mary looked at her father as Deanna began talking, "John Winchester mixing it up with spirits, can you imagine?" Deanna tittered while shifting her gaze to her husband. Samuel grimaced.

"I saw that," Mary mumbled.

"What?" Her father retorted.

Mary snatched her napkin from her lap and placed in on the table. "That sour lemon look."

The elder held up his hand and flashed her a nervous smile. "Now hold on, John's a really, really nice..." He took a long pause and turned away from Mary as he continued. "Naive civilian."

The young woman scoffed and nodded over to Dean, "So what? You'd rather me be with a guy like this?"

Dean gagged on his water, peering up at Mary, his mother. "What? No, no. No. I- I have...someone- I think" He coughed and lifted the napkin to his lips.

"You think?" Deanna smiled at his uncertainty. "Why not 'I know?' " She pressed.

The righteous man tightened his hold on the glass at her question. What would his answer be, 'Because she is an Archangel and is locked away in heaven.' They didn't need to know about that or her.

Dean pulled his lips into a tight line and nodded his head. "She's uh...tied up right now, with more important things." He stammered through that sentence, a few pauses here and there. The hunter cleared his throat to avoid any more prying. "So what about you, Sam? You, uh, working a job?"

Samuel brought his glass to his lips and gave Dean a shrug, "Might be."

Mary picked at her food and rolled her eyes. "He's working a job on the Whitshire farm." Sam's eyes immediately darted over to his daughter's ultimately giving her the bitch face.

"Whitshire--why does that name sound familiar to me?" Dean pondered.

Samuel leaned back in his chair as he responded, "It's been all over the papers --Tom Whitshire. Got tangled up in a combine a few towns over."

Dean shrugged. "That kind of thing happens."

"Except why was he on it in the first place if his crops are all dead?" Sam queried.

The young male hunter looked away in thought, "Demonic omens?"

"That's what I got to find out." Samuel affirmed, along with a nod.

Dean rubbed his fingers tips together to get whatever was left on them and then dabbed his face with the napkin. "What about the rest of the town? Did you find anything on the web-of... information that you have assembled?" Dean pursed his lips, understanding they had no idea what the internet was.

Deanna interjected, "Electrical storms, maybe. The weather service graphs should be here on Friday."

"By mail?"

Sam scoffed at the question, how else would it be delivered? "No, we hired a jetliner to fly them to us overnight." He ridiculed.

This just made Dean smile. Of course, it wasn't a laughing matter, but the tension just made things awkward.

"You know, it sounds to me like we might be hunting the same thing." Dean drawled. "You know if we go in there in numbers, we could take care of this real quick."

Samuel leaned into the table, "What part of 'we work alone' do you not understand, son?" He made his feelings clear. He didn't want Dean anywhere near their hunt.

The mossy eyed hunter got the message loud and clear. He shifted in his chair and flashed his family a sheepish smile. "Okay."

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Dean relaxed on the motel bed; his mind overwhelmed by all that he has learned. His mother's side of the family were hunters. He had so much to tell Sam when he got home.

The man let out a hard sigh as he removed his shoes. He figured he should go shower, so he pushed himself to his feet and wandered into the bathroom.

Every minute he wasn't talking or occupying himself, he thought of Ariel. He leaned over the sink with both hands on each side. It wasn't often Dean looked in the mirror, but when he did, he despised what he saw. He bored holes into his own eyes, clasping the ceramic sink.

The silence was deafening; he hated that. His thoughts were very loud, so loud that it felt like they were screaming, clawing at his skull. He tore himself away from the mirror and began peeling off his many layers. He sniffed, wiping his nose as he stood next to the tub in his boxers.

His movements were slow, almost as if he didn't want to shower, but he needed to- just to clear his mind of things. Dean never liked being alone. Everything felt too big- too much. This is why he needed Sam. His presence made him feel less isolated; he didn't carry the weight alone.

Dean clutched the shower nozzle and twisted it toward the 'H.' The water carried through the pipes and out the showerhead, raining down on the ivory tub. Casually, he stepped out of his undergarments and eased into the shower. He slid the curtains closed.

In the shower, nothing else mattered; it was just him and his thoughts. There, he allowed his facade to crumble. Why couldn't things be so much easier for him and his brother? He spent 40 years in hell just to be brought back to stop the rising of Lucifer.

The righteous man stood utterly still under the scalding water. The water pressure wasn't the best, but at this moment, he did not care. He carded his fingers through his damp hair while also taking a deep breath.

All of the guilt pulverized him, resulting in tears. They fell in rivulets with the water, blending in. Dean looked to the ceiling through his tears and let out an unsteady breath.

"I can't," He choked out before taking in a sharp breath. "It- It's not fair." Dean tried his best to hold in his sobs, but they came out the more he prayed to Ariel.

"It's not fair..." He lamented. All he wanted was to live a normal life now, to be ignorant of what went bump in the night. He knew he would be happier; his shoulders would feel much lighter.

All he longed for was to hear that it will be okay even if he knew that it wouldn't be, but he had no one- Correction; He didn't deserve anyone, or so he thought.

Dean turned off the shower and reached for a towel. He tied it around his waist and grasped for his boxers. His face was stoic, the opposite of what it had been just only 10 minutes ago.

The freshly cleaned hunter eyed his boxers, debating whether to hand wash them or not. Not. He dropped his towel and stepped into the plain black boxers. He decided not to sleep in his shirt, considering he might have to wear it tomorrow.

Dean shuffled over to his single bed and flopped down. It was a tough day, a lot to take in. He let out a loud sigh and shimmied under the scratchy blankets.

It was nice to fall asleep and be hopeful of something other than nightmares.

Dean drifted off to sleep.

. . .

Ariel laid in the fetal position against the cold hard metal, attempting to use her wings to keep comfy. She had only been in the Mal'ak box for two days, and it already felt like it has been a millennium.

In these moments, she missed the noisy disputes and Lucifer's destructive behavior. She felt empty.

Ariel's wings seized as a low frequency from 1973 was picked up and traveled through her eardrums. At first, she had no idea who it was that would pray to her, but then she thought about the only human she's made contact with since leaving heaven.

"I can't," The voice came through, echoing in her mind. It was Dean. "It- It's not fair." He started again with a trembling tone. Was he crying? This forced the archangel to her feet. She could not give up on humanity and certainly not on The Winchesters.

Ariel clenched her jaw and pressed her bloody digits against the metal door, the cold prickling her wounds. She did not care.

"It's not fair." Hearing him cry broke her, and her true vessel's heart. What was she to do?

Countless minutes had passed since she heard from Dean. She kept her fingers pressed against the small fissure, searching for relatively anything.

After a while, her arm began cramping from holding it up at an awkward angle. She couldn't give up. Ariel just inhaled deeply, shut her eyes, and searched again.

There he was.

. . .

Dean relaxed on the hood of his impala, sipping a beer and gazing at the stars above. He never really stargazed alone, but he felt like he was waiting for someone.

"I used to do this every day with my big brother..." A voice whispered from his left. He nearly leaped out of his clothes but calmed once he saw it was Ariel. His heart skipped a beat when he examined her. She dressed nicely, and all her bruises were gone. She donned a teal 40s sundress with tiny pink polka dots. It had thick straps and bow of the same print in the center. Her hair neatly pinned up in a tight, curly pony-tail.

Dean sat up slowly with his mouth agape. "You aren't all bruised." He stated. It was obvious she hid her bruises for his comfort but probably for herself too.

Ariel perched herself upon the ball of her palms, a modest smile dancing across her cherry pink lips. She pursed her lips at his statement. "You are very observant." She mocked with a sweet laugh.

"Yeah, well, you don't make it easy." The male riposted as he slid off the hood and rested himself against the side of the car. He avoided eye contact with her, shifting here and there whenever he could feel her gaze locked on him.

"I'm sorry." Ariel breathed while also coming down from the hood. The archangel didn't mean to offend him. He was genuinely concerned for her.

"Don't." Dean uttered hesitantly, then came a long pause.

The jaded hunter finally turned to face the woman. He had no idea she was standing this close to him because when he turned around, he could feel her body heat radiating from her. Dean clenched his jaw once his olive eyes fixated on her doe eyes.

"I- I meant..." He stammered, trying to find the right words before he proceeded. "Why would does someone like you give a crap about someone like me?" The man managed to get out before he started to break down.

Ariel looked away for only a moment, just to find an answer to his inane question. It wasn't as though she meant to 'give a crap' about him. He was her mission and only that, but she supposed Fate had other intentions.

"You ask why a lot, and never just accept. I don't know why I care, but I do." Ariel put it as best as she could.

Dean stilled, his eyes capturing all of the small details of her face. The freckles on her cheeks to the curl of her lips when her face relaxed. She had a beauty mark under her left eye, hiding under her long eyelashes.

He curled and uncurled his digits as he began speaking, "I have to question the good things 'cause in this life..." He hesitated. "They don't come easy or without a price."

Ariel offered Dean a wan smile before she tiptoed to fling her arms around his neck. She pulled him into a tight hug. She wasn't sure what to say to that. What he believed was right, but it didn't always apply to everything.

Dean closed his eyes, accepting her touch with bliss. He leaned into her, burying his face in between the crook of her neck and shoulder. She smelled like cherries. This small display of affection cracked his mask. Dean wrapped his arms around her and pulled him deeper into his chest.

Ariel carded her fingers through the hair on his nape, gripping him as tight as she did when she helped raise him from perdition. She brought her lips to his ear and planted a small kiss to his sideburn before she whispered, "It isn't you that will be paying the price, so do not worry."

"That doesn't make it any better." The guilt-ridden man only pulled her in tighter as he talked. This felt right; her in his arms and them chest to chest. The only missing thing was to connect all of them to merge as one.

Dean subconsciously pressed his lips against the skin of her neck. He ran his tongue over chapped lips and went to kiss the same spot, Ariel's figure flickered and gradually faded away like a mirage, and he felt a sudden pang of emptiness.

. . .

Ariel fell to the floor, nearly breathless. "Damnit." Dressing fancy and hiding her bruises took a considerable amount of energy and focus.

She leaned against the iron wall and pulled her knees to her chest. Those little moments gave her a reason to fight the wretched contraption. Either she would have to tear it apart or hope that Castiel will break her out. She focused on the former.

The warrior raised herself to her feet and pressed her palms against the loose hinge.

. . .

Dean reluctantly opened his eyes and stretched his limbs. "Great..." He slammed his fist down on the clock, putting an end to the incessant ringing. The worst part about dreaming is forgetting that nothing's authentic. The scenery and the stars were all fake except her. The thought put a smile on his face as he started his day.

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[codependentsoulmates]

RANKING EVERY SEASON OF SUPERNATURAL

Let’s a-freakin’-go, Mario.

12. Season 7. Leviathans. And Sam’s god-awful wolverine sideburns. ‘Nuff said.

11. Season 6. Soulless Sam was hilariously, sarcastically endearing for a little while, but towards the end of the Soulless Sam arc, just, ugh. I wanted to fast forward so bad. Samuel coming back was unnecessary and anticlimactic, “evil Cas” was an eye roller, I didn’t give a shit about Lisa and Ben, um... EVE??? What the actual fuck was that. She was possibly the single most wasted, ultra-super-anticlimactic use of a story arc that I’ve ever seen. There were a few redeeming episodes (i.e. Clap Your Hands If You Believe).

10. Season 9. Okay, this could be biased just based on how much I truly cannot stand God!Metatron. S10/11 Metatron is great; he’s such a little jerk that you cant help but find him funny. But S9 Metatron... holy shit. It was like being subjected to hours upon hours of having to watch only the Umbridge scenes from Harry Potter on repeat. It felt like legitimate torture trying to force myself to finish the season. Plus, yes, I ended up liking Gadreel later (much later) on, but Gadreel!Sam felt like it went on forever. I was over it and it was like the end of it would never come. Also, I’m just gonna say it: Abaddon was boring and annoying, and the only reason she was even an issue was because Sam and Dean thought, “Hey, wow, let’s experiment on the most powerful demon we know of roaming the Earth right now. We cut off her hands, nothing will go wrong!” Riiiight... okay. Also, Kevin’s death was seriously messed up and unnecessary and I still haven’t forgiven them for it, so. But uh, human!Cas was super endearing though, and even though I really don’t ever want actual human Cas to become a thing, it was cute for awhile. 

9. Season 12. Alright. I don’t share the exact same sentiment or level of hatred that a lot of other people seem to for this season, but it had... a lot of issues. So, uh. Buckle up. First of all... Lucifer. While I don’t... hate the idea of him coming back as a villain, just so many things about this were... sigh. Rockstar!Lucifer was - and I’m gonna fucking say it - truly awful. So, so awful. Maybe he could’ve worked on another show, but with Lucifer’s character/personality having already been so established and defined on Supernatural, it just felt out of place. He was not the same character - which is something I often complain about with the Rubys. We had just come from Casifer - which was brilliant and so, so in character - and then we get this... weird, unsnarky, not sarcastic or playful at all version of Lucifer and... pass. Moving on... they finally get to put Luci back in his cage and... then Crowley decides to keep him as a pet? And believe Lucifer - fucking LUCIFER - now bows to him and won’t get away? And assume the demons who have time and time again always helped Lucifer, will now follow him instead? What??? Crowley isn’t that dumb, and he could’ve achieved ruling Hell again with no problems if Lucifer was in the cage. It made no sense to me. And um. Lucifer having a child? Seriously? So much reaching going on. Now to the second issue: The British Men of Letters. Okay. They started off as the enemy this season. The title sequence was the MoL symbol. And yet... they weren’t that relevant or threatening until the last couple of episodes (and those were, well, in nicer terms... questionable.) They either should’ve saved a Lucifer-returning-as-the-enemy storyline for later or saved the BMoL. Together, it was just too much and not enough expansion. Side note: I loathe the BMoL like I loathe God!Metatron. Which brings me to the third - and maybe biggest - issue I had with this season: Mary fucking Winchester. What the fuck. What the actual fuck, were the writers thinking. They legitimately ruined her. Throughout the series you have this wonderful idea built up about her: she was a badass hunter and she sacrificed things for John and she loved her boys so, so much and she gave up hunting for good because that was never the life she wanted and just. Then she’s here and you’re like finally Sam and Dean get to have a fucking parent who is there for them and can nurture them for once in their goddamn lives, and then. Then she’s a different Mary and she’s back to only caring about hunting even though she never liked hunting in the first place and she’s working for the people who tortured her son and she’s leaving her boys who just got her back, who she just got back, and she was going to let them die or get hurt for the goddamn Colt that she didn’t even know was the Colt. And I just. I couldn’t get with it, I’m sorry. Oh, and also everyone fucking DIES this season, so that was just fucking great, too.

8. Season 10. This is an unpopular opinion, I’m sure, but I hated Deanmon and I was glad we didn’t have to see him that long and suffer like we did with Soulless Sam. That being said, they did way overhype Deanmon, which was pretty uncool and unfair. But I honestly hated the Mark of Cain - it went on waaaaay too long - and I really, really dislike seeing Dean be... not Dean... so... Also, I am still pissed the fuck off at Charlie’s death, so I refuse to rank this any higher out of spite, too. But um. They killed fucking DEATH this season. And while I was actually really unhappy about it because Death was cool as hell, that scene with Sam like, just wrecked, and Dean’s “Close your eyes, Sammy” kinda made it really, really almost worth it. (You’ll soon realize I really only care a lot about Sam and Dean’s relationship and their Absolute Best Moments™ that wrench my heart.)

7. Season 8. Unfortunately, the writers decided hey, let’s ruin Sam’s character a little fucking more and write him as OOC as possible by having him not actually give a shit where the fuck Dean was for an entire year because he was too busy fucking some piece of shit girl! Seriously, I didn’t think I could dislike anyone more than I hated Ruby 2.0 or Gordon... and then came Amelia. I have yet to encounter a person in the Spn-verse that is worse than her. No joke. This season ranks above the others though because it was less “meh” or all over the place. And because Mrs. Tran being a complete baller for just a single episode was more entertaining that any of the main story arcs for any of those seasons below. Also, more importantly, it had more of a return to what Supernatural is supposed to be - I’m looking at you S6/7 - and even though trying to close the gates of Hell was pointless and we knew it was never gonna happen, I have a sick love for suffering!Sam at any given time because then Dean goes into overprotective big bro mode and they stop fighting and being jerks to each other for a lil’ while and we get Seasons 1-5 (eh, minus 4) bro’ lovin’ and protectin’ again. Plus, this season holds my favorite quote/speech Dean has ever said to Sam (you know what I’m talking about) and I already said I’m a sucker for heart-wrenching moments between them, so.

6. Season 4. Probably yet another unpopular opinion, but oh well. Ruby 2.0... gag me. Way to ruin a good character. Plus, as much as I love Gen, I loved nothing about her portrayal of Ruby. It wasn’t the same character. That’s the bottom line. Also Sam’s demon blood addiction and him so far up Ruby’s ass all season??? Vomit. Skip. Next. Literally if Sam listened to Dean for legit two seconds, the Apocalypse could’ve been avoided. But Castiel! And the angel arc! The actual saving graces (hah, literally) of the season.

5. Season 1. I feel really weird about placing this season this low because it’s really just as good as the two I’ve ranked above it, but. I suppose that’s cheating. Season 1 holds a very, very special place in my heart, is all. It’s the OG season, monster-of-the-week episodes (which, side note: makes no sense to me when people rank S1 super low because there were “too many monster-of-the-week episodes.” Um, yeah.. that’s kinda... what the show is fucking about? Sam and Dean... hunting monsters? But okay, anyway...) Baby Sam and Dean!!! The world wasn’t fucked yet! Lil’ skulky Sam!! Okay, real talk, S1-3 (and 5) Sam was fucking BALLER. He was the best Sam, and then the writers trashed his character, so. Cool. This season is really only this low because I had to fully rank this and because John was kinda a dick. But I loved Sam fighting with him and Dean getting in between them to protect Sam. (Also, on another note: John was a piece of work but he was a better parent than S12 Mary, jussayin’.) (Also, also, it irritates the shit out of me just how much they ruined John’s character and who they made him out to be post-season 5. He was truly something else and he did some really shitty things, but I don’t think it was fair to do and I don’t think that was ever what Kripke intended for his character, but. Oh well. I digress.)

4. Season 11. Once again, I don’t necessarily rank this fully above S1 or below the next ranking, but. There was a lot of good things going on this season. Casifer was brilliant and delivered some of my favorite one-liners of the series. His interactions with God!Chuck were great. Him helping instead of being a villain, but still being a ridiculous child. God!Chuck was wonderful and handled really, really well. Also, his World’s Best Dad mug? I heart. Freakin’... Baby? Brilliant, incredible, amazing, wonderful, spectacular. Rowena was also bitchin’ this season, the whole flippin’ demons, angels, witches working together (even though it was just one episode) was suh-weeeet, Sam and Dean were vibin’ like early seasons Sam and Dean. I really wasn’t here for the forced Dean/Amara weird as hell relationship/attraction, though. It was... no. Just. No. Also like, Amara was okay and they did mostly show how powerful she was but like. Azazel, Lucifer, the Leviathans, Gordon, or basically... anyone felt like more of a threat than her, even though she was the only actual unstoppable force ever on the show. And while it was kinda nice for the finale to be her and Chuck working it out, it was also... kinda lame. Here’s this dark force that is the most powerful thing in existence, and it’s stopped by God... apologizing and hugging it out with her? Um... okay, I guess.

3. Season 3. Even though this season was short and waiting for Dean to die kinda sucked and put a damper on the whole season, it still is by far one of the best ones, hands down. Not only did we get Katie Cassidy’s badass, savage, cool as hell Ruby 1.0, we got Bela (who had so much wasted potential, sigh) and return of the Trickster, Bobby really becoming the boys’ father figure, and Sam finally getting to kill Actual Piece of Shit™ Gordon Walker. Season 3 also has some of the best episodes of the whole series - Bad Day At Black Rock, Mystery Spot, Ghostfacers - and we got A Very Supernatural Christmas, which gave us the birth of the Samulet, and I swear to god that scene made me actually cry a little bit. (A lotta bit.)

2. Season 2. This is like. THE Supernatural season. All the cool kids are introduced: Ellen, Jo, Ash, the Trickster, Tessa. Bobby becomes more involved, brotherly bonding up the wazoo, total badass, pure monster hunting. Episodes like Tall Tales and Hollywood Babylon. And episodes like Croatoan and Heart (which had one of the best endings to an episode in the series just in terms of emotion and how well it was set up with the song and ugh), and had debatably the best season finale of the whole show with All Hell Breaks Loose Parts 1 & 2. (It killed me.) Great monsters are introduced like shape shifters and djinns. Azazel was annoying but was an actual villain (unlike some of the later big “villains”) and he was that start and end of everything. He was the Winchesters’ reason for hunting, he catapulted everything. And everything was so simple and pure and made fucking sense. 

1. Season 5. I mean, there’s really no surprise here. It baffles me when S5 isn’t at the top of everyone’s list. While I don’t necessarily wanna go back and watch S5 episodes like I do with most other seasons, it was just the most well-rounded, well-thought out, well-executed season. No competition. Everything had a purpose and a meaning. Everything was tied up. Ellen and Jo die, which is a downer, but at least they were badass. Lucifer is a total tool, and you love it. It’s also Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer, which is - quite obviously - the best Lucifer. Death is rad as hell. Cas is in his fucking prime this season. Sam and Dean love each other so fucking much this season. The Trickster/Gabriel is revealed as an archangel!! Crowley!! Bobby in his prime as Sam and Dean’s father figure!! Dark Side of the Moon A.K.A. one of my all-time favorite episodes and also one of the most beautifully shot episodes!! (And Ash in heaven! “Some people share, like soulmates”!!!!!!) The fucking END!!! I honestly would probably rank S5 at the top of this list solely for the scene where Lucifer is beating the crap out of Dean while Dean just keeps saying, “Sammy, it’s okay, I’m here” and then Sam’s montage of memories of him and Dean as he takes back control, and jeez holy shit is that montage beautiful and brilliant. That scene alone is probably the best scene in the whole show and I will defend that opinion until I die. The only bad things really in S5 were how unbelievably annoying Zachariah was and how I still think throwing their random half-brother in there just so Dean didn’t have to be Michael’s vessel was ridiculous and absurd. But really, this is the season. I’m glad the show didn’t end after this season, but holy fucking shit would it have been one of the sickest, best, most baller series finales of all time, and no matter what they do for the series finale now, this finale is so untouchable that it will never even come close to living up to it.