#he cant let himself be himself

[limpfisted]

Realizing the name that is on mizora's contract

Is "wyll ravengard"

And he doesn't. Use that name anymore. By his own choice, he is no longer. Wyll ravengard

Mizora owns the soul, the personhood, the past, the very identity of "wyll ravengard"

But wyll made "the blade of frontiers" himself.

He can literally feel the call and potential corruption of the hells all the time, probably

But the blade of the frontiers is a hero and a legend, who doesn't make deals with devils, he fights devils! He hunts monsters! It says right here, in the first chapter of the book that wyll is writing about his own adventures, that he started when he was 17 years old! (He actually is writing a book about his own adventures and he titles every chapter. That's canon.)

The Blade of frontiers is good. A good person, a good boy, mizora calls him. The Blade of frontiers never falters. The Blade of frontiers has a long, long list of adventures and monsters hes slain. For the good of the people. Good, good, good, always good

Not for himself. No. He does it for the good of others, always. Because to be good is to do things bc its the right thing to do. He is not a person. He is a faithful servant to mizora to the sword coast. His identity is saving people. Who is he without them? Who is he without his father, and fighting? Wyll ravengard does not exist. Just wyll has been alone for seven years.

Of course the Blade of the frontiers is a persona he puts on, to make himself feel better. He chants all hail the Blade, if u kill karlach. Its a coping mechanism, and it is one that can be scary

But also. I didn't realize like. He genuinely has abandoned "wyll ravengard." Bc its mizoras. His family name, his identity. Mizora's. A soul is a real thing in dnd. But a name and an identity, are real things, that he was forced to remove himself from just as much as he was forced to remove himself from his father

and thats a part of it, too. Wyll ravengard belongs to mizora. Ravengwrd belongs to his father. Wyll is just wyll. To his friends. But he doesn't have any friends. And being just wyll is not enough

Hes got to be the blade of frontiers

Theo solomon says in his interview. Wyll is terrified of not being needed or wanted. He wouldn't know what to do with himself

He has to be good. Being good is selfless

He can't be good to his father. His father doesn't need him or want him.

People always need heroes.

The more corrupt and soulless he is--thd more he doubles down on selflessness, the harder he works, the kinder he gets

Its not a coincidence that being the blade also makes him feel good and is about hyping him up, in no way particularly humble as he usually is in conversation

He genuinely like. Has to convince himself, im okay! Im okay! Im still good!

And hes like. Let my deeds define me, not the beast I was. But like. Not every moment can be spent doing deeds.

How much is the anxiety of being alive and not having his own soul or identity or personhood besides his larp character he made up.... eating him up. From the inside out

And does he even notice it anymore. Or is he so humble and self-effacing and confused about his own suffering while also accepting it as fact---[of course, he says, twice,when mizora approaches u at wyrms rock] that he's just like. Extremely constantly coping. Focusing so hard on every task and doing it perfectly, elegantly, quietly, gently, that he doesn't care that the world is not so kind to him bc hes far more focused on how kind and good he can be to the world?

Wyll knows he made the right choice. He doesn't regret it. He'd do it again. But he still gave up so much of himself and had to make new. And he remembers. He remembers everything he gave up. And a genuinely happy childhood??? That he can never go back to

50 years protecting the sword coast, if he's lucky. He can never tell anyone about mizora. How can he take a wife or husband, have a family, with a devil waiting in the wings he can't even tell them about---unless she KNOWS that telling them about her will hurt them worse.

And then an eternity in hell

The loneliness of the hero, the tragic dark knight, hellstouched.

Can you picture being as romantic as wyll and realizing. Oh! I can never have a family! And I lost my only family!

When you are seventeen.

Yeah, wyll is coping hard. All he needs is to protect the people. That's what he's good at, that's what matters. That's his responsibility--bwcause anyone would do it, obviously, irs the right thing to do. Except they don't because they have. People who care about them, families, lovers, that make them settle down into jobs and stable homes. Important jobs. That wyll thinks are no less important than his own service to the sword coast

He loves adventure, but I imagine sometimes wyll wonders what Wyll Blacksmith or Wyll Baker or Wyll Cobbler would have been like.

He didn't have a choice....

It is 1:49 am lol

[bishy437]

he won

bonus:

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

[choccy-milky]

sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )

[basalting]

after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"

it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.

[ahhrenata]

Steve tries to stay quiet while he gets ready for work, but Eddie hears him. He keeps his eyes closed and just listens- to Steve grumbling to himself when his hair doesn’t sit quite right, who starts to hum and whisper some catchy song. Eddie turns his sleepy gaze onto Steve as he shuffles around their room- watching quietly as he slips on his clothes, his shoes, a simple chain with Eddie’s ring around his neck. A warm, affectionate smile breaks across his face. Before he leaves, Steve glances at what he expects to be a sleeping Eddie, but instead, he’s met with a rasped, ‘Hey.’ Eddie sits himself up, stretches his arm across Steve’s side of the bed, and reaches, fingers wiggling. Steve crosses the room to cradle his face.

Their foreheads press, noses bump, and Steve brushes his fingers across scars and dimples.

He breathes a quiet,

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

Eddie huffs a tired laugh,

‘You know I never mind.’

Because, yeah.

Every morning Steve tries to stay quiet while he gets ready for work, but Eddie always hears him.

( another one from the poll | WIP )

[justaz]

lol arthur realizes with the other knights after watching merlin flirt and being hit with a wave of deja vu: holy shit you asked me out

merlin and the rest of the knights around a campfire after leaving a village bc lancelot and leon somehow started a brawl in the tavern: ???

arthur points at merlin: after valiant! you asked me to buy you a drink! you were asking me out!

merlin is busy cooking dinner and confused out of his fucking mind: what???…..valiant….oh the knight with the snakes.

gwaine who was slightly tipsy now stone cold sober and sitting up straight against a tree: wait. explain. what do you mean merlin asked you out??

arthur snaps his fingers as he recalls the memory: i apologized for sacking you and you said that if i bought you a drink we’d be even.

merlin now remembering how he had stumbled into camelot, picked a fight with a pigheaded bully which quickly turned homoerotic and flirtatious, and continued their teasing-flirting for days before merlin shot his shot and asked the prince out only to be rejected: oh yeah, i forgot i did that…..wait, you mean you didnt realize what i was asking?

arthur: no?? we argued everyday, how was i supposed to realize you were asking me out??

merlin now abandoning the dinner and staring across the camp at arthur while the rest of the knights watch their back and forth like a game of tennis: to you we were arguing, to me that was very much flirting. i thought you were flirting back so i decided to ask you. then you rejected me

arthur, mentally beating his past self up for fucking up their chance: i didn’t reject you!!! i just didn’t realize what you were asking me. how was i meant to? we fought every chance we got

leon, nudging elyan, glee and excitement riling through him: its happening!!! its finally happening!!! seven long, grueling years is finally paying off!!!

merlin, realizing the misunderstanding and acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t rejected, his flirtations just weren’t noticed - realizing he still has a chance: oh…oh i see. arthur, my dear, our fights were extremely flirtatious. need i remind you of what you said? “do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to teach you?” or “i could take you apart with one blow”

arthur, mental capabilities at an all time low: m…my dear….?????????

merlin grinning devilishly as he realizes that his flirtatious persona he had hidden away after falling head over heels for arthur can make a come back: that is what i called you. should i call you something else? say…mine?

percival gags in elyan’s ear: cheesy

elyan hides a laugh: at least they’re finally getting somewhere. better than the hopeless pining

arthur, flushed from head to toe: ah uh no um im uh

merlin thoroughly enjoying himself: oh come now, your majesty. use your words.

[bunnieswithknives]

(nature au) you said that while dale dislikes dev using a cane in the house he doesn’t really care too much, but what if dev used a cane in public? i can’t imagine dale would be okay with that at all. he’d be pissed, like confiscate the cane kind of pissed

Originally the gag here was just going to be Dev clinging onto his dads arm for dear life while he shivers like a chihuahua but he is just. So small.. I couldnt get it to look reasonable

Bonus:

[casualavocados]

Learn from who? Learn from you?

Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[dykedvonte]

Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.

We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.

Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.

He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?

I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?

[monhiio]

whoops gay awakening part xx

[medicalunprofessional]

never change, man !

[chitinleg]

got him off-balance!

[venvellan]

you're a vampire? oh yeah buddy i know don't worry. well it's just that you spent two days pretending to eat food. you were "biting" things and throwing them over your shoulder. it wasn't very subtle. i also caught you trying to stare directly into the sun like, multiple times. i'm glad the sun doesn't hurt you anymore! but you're not supposed to look at it. yeah, really bad for you. oh and that collar doesn't really hide the bite mark. it's very stylish! but it draws attention to your neck and only covers about half of it. no it's okay, you did a great job! can't exactly check in the mirror, right? heh. hey, you almost had me! keep trying i'm sure you'll get better at it

[s0fter-sin]

something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

[z13lovebot]

❤️‍🩹