#he cannot go on if he cant distance himself from what he's doing

[ganondoodle]

(OC Lore and design time!)

(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)

i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D

so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;

at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-

Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)

Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries

However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it

only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)

alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)

[55sturn]

https://www.tumblr.com/55sturn/752204504537202688/send-in-some-requests-for-chris-please-i-miss

hanging out with chris and you slowly start to realize that you like him and you end up ghosting him 😭

✮ ALL I WANTED WAS YOU

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis: in which of an indirect proclamation of love doesn’t go the way it’s supposed to.

warnings: angst. that’s it.

you hadn’t meant for your relationship with chris to get this far. you had only meant to be friends with him, but the way he’d look at you, and the way he could answer all your favourite things without second guessing himself, and the way he’d hold you so close to him without even needing to ask if you need a hug, all had you looking at him in a different light.

and to say you were scared would be an understatement, you knew if you expressed your feelings to him, he’d give you the same line he gave his brothers any time they asked if you two were together; “nah man, i cant do that, not with her, she’s too important to me to wreck it by making things romantic.” knowing that it was his fear of love and heartbreak and commitment speaking, and while you understood where he was coming from, you couldn’t jeopardize your own heart. chris means a lot to you, he’s your best friend, so in a futile act of self preservation, you distanced yourself. and for about two months you thought it was working,

until chris showed up at your apartment at one in the morning. his eyes puffy and red-rimmed from crying. he was distraught, you were his best friend and he couldn’t grasp why you would suddenly push him away, and he demanded an explanation.

“why are you shutting me out i thought things were going good?” he croaks, his throat dry as he tries to voice the anger and confusion he’s feeling.

“chris it’s not worth explaining-wait what do you mean by ‘i thought things were going good?” you cut yourself off, his question hitting you a second later than it should’ve.

“as if it’s not obvious that i like you? that i have feelings for you, y/n and up until two months ago, i thought you felt the same.” he whispers, avoiding your gaze as you let out an exasperated sigh.

“i did, i do, but what about that shit you say to your brothers about me being too important to consider dating?”

“i just said that so they’d get off my back about us. i thought everything we did made it clear that i wanted this?” chris sighs, running a hand down his face as he watches your face morph into a mix of something sad and something confused.

“i wanted this too but i was so terrified of you not wanting to it too, of your fear of commitment getting in the way. i’m still so scared.”

“you are the one thing i have committed to in a long time, even without a real relationship existing. my fears about anything to do with a relationship went away the second they were met with the idea of hurting you or pushing you away.”

“but there’s so much at stake chris, my friendship with your brothers, the friends we share, not to mention my friendship with you. if i lose that, i lose everything that means something to me, everything that makes getting up in the morning worth it. everything that has shown me what love is. i can lose just about anything chris, but jesus christ, i cannot lose you.” you whisper, your eyes welling with tears as you shred every ounce of pride, allowing yourself to be bare for a moment, indirectly confessing just how deep your feelings for chris run.

“then don’t push me away, let us be together in the way we want to be, give us a chance, because you are everything i’ve wanted and more.”

“i’m sorry chris but i cant, not when you’re too valuable to me. i don’t want to risk anything. what if we break up and it’s not a good, mutual one? what if it’s harsh and cruel and crushes every chance we could have reconciling? i couldn’t live with that.” you sob, your fears becoming all encompassing as your mind begins to spiral of the torturous what ifs of the relationship souring between you and chris.

“you’re insane if you think i’d ever let you get away once i got a taste of what it’s like to be completely yours.” he whispers, his hands gently cradling your face as he pulls you to face him, his own tears gently trailing down his face, the salt in the tears turning his eyes red, make them seem a shade of such a clear blue that it makes it difficult to keep your own eyes trained on his.

“i’m sorry chris but it’s too risky. i think you should go.”

“well that’s your decision and i may not agree with it but i’m willing to wait until you change your mind, if you ever do. and if you do, you know where to find me.”

taglist: @worldlxvlys @gamermattsgf @vanteguccir @sturnioloshacker @mattscoquette @sugrhigh @bratzforchris @teapartyprincess4two @lustfulslxt @patscorner @guccifrog @muwapsturniolo @soursturniolo @solarsturniolo @sturnioloshacker @raysmayhem-72 @meanttomeet @breeloveschris @ghostofbrock @l9vesick @freshloveee @fawnchives @cindylcuwho @thc-bolter @freshloveforthefit @freshsturns @forevergirlposts @sturniolo-fav-matt @sturnifyed @querenciasturniolo @pinklittleflower @ellie-luvsfics @strniolo @junnniiieee07 @hearts4chriss @evie-sturns @hysteria-things @sturniolossss @iliketotalk @dazednmatthews @bambi-slxt @nickgetsmewetter @inkyray @jnkvivi @cdbabymp3 @certifiedstarrr @imwetforyourmom

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[moronkombat]

Havik, Shao, Rain, Raiko, and Quanshi love at first sight with an earthrealmer?

It's just an ordinary day for Rain. Nothing special about it, nothing horrible about it either. Simply another day to pass his long lifespan. He's very much so absorbed in his studies of the arcane, intolerant for other distractions. That is until he comes across you. There's a rather quick glance as you walk by, thinking you to be a mere distraction. That all changes when his second glance to you lingers. Rain would stare quietly with his mouth agape. He watches you strut by wordless and without even noticing him. Eyes watch you until you have gone out of sight and Rain can feel the thunderous pitter patter in his chest. Perhaps his studies can end early today

General Shao has never really preoccupied himself with thoughts of relationships and love. There are are more pressing matters to concern himself with. Then he sees someone new, someone small. Much smaller than he is and Shao finds himself pausing. There is something so tempting about them and he cannot help but keep his gaze trailed to you. You are feeble and fragile...It'd be so easy to break you but never would Shao dream of doing that. No, he feels this urge to cherish you, protect you. Yes, this what he wants and if to do so then he must know your name. He will make sure to seek you out later, away from other prying eyes

It is when Reiko is training troops that he notices you. He is a tough and strict commander but he needed to be if his underlings were to survive. His arms would cross and a smirk is written on him while he watches the ensuing training. It is by chance that he glances your way but when he sees you, pale eyes widen. There you are, strong yet regal, taking down your sparring opponent with exceeding grace and vigor. His smirk widens and he continues to watch you move like a banshee while you continue to strike down your opponents. You are magnificent as you cut them down, strike them and Reiko's heart is pounding like the drums of war. He will be sure to compliment on your abilities before immediately wanting to take you under his wing which is a shock to all the other trainees

Quan Chi's life is mundane and full of hardship. He slaves away in the mines, sweat drenching his brow. There must be more to life than this, surely? Thoughts of such things are cutoff when, during his break, he catches a glimpse of you. You are beautiful, stunning and someone who is so pure. You don't belong here, far too grand for it and yet here you are. Perhaps related to the owner? He isn't sure but he wants to know more about you but how can he? You are from a different life than he is and yet he simply cannot stop thinking about

When Havik's eyes find you for that dreadful first time, he is consumed by your very existence. He feels a rise in his chest, something tingling. Thoughts twist and turn together into a mess of obsessions. Something wicked comes over him as he watches you from a distance and it is unfortunate that his gaze has caught you because now they will never let go. Oh how he looks to you from afar, a place you cannot see him. Havik thinks all he wants from you, all that he can take. You are perfect, you are art and Havik will have you. First he must find out more and more about you, he needs everything, all of it. Then, when that sweet time arrives, he will come to you in the night and devour all that he is enthralled with

i cant help but make Havik's creepy, sorry yall

[mako-neexu]

HELP MEEE I LITERALLY CANT DO THIS IT ALL MAKES SENSE THE SEVEN FRAGMENTS OF THEIR SOUL DESTROYED ONE BY ONE BY THE LIGHT HE ADORED WITH EACH INCH OF HIS EXISTENCE, EACH TRIAL WAS FIRE AND PAIN TO OVERCOME THAT DARKNESS BECAUSE THAT IS INTEGRAL TO EXISTENCES SUCH AS THE AVENGER CLASS THAT IS MEANT TO BE SHUNNED INSTEAD OF USED, THOSE WHO ONLY BURN AS RAGING FLAMES AND WHEN GUDA REACHED THE END THEY REACHED THE FINAL FIRE SO FULL OF LOVE FULL OF ADORATION AND TRUST IT WAS FAR MORE SCORCHING THAN THE REST IT WAS POISONOUS HELLFIRE FAR DANGEROUS THAN THE OTHER TRIALS THEMSELVES

HIS LAUGHTER WASNT JUST PRIDE AND HAPPINESS.

IT WAS A CRY OF HIS VERY SOUL!!!

FROM THE DEPTHS OF HIS SOUL, HE CRIES WITH JOY AS THAT STAR HE LOVED FAR TOO MUCH WOULD BE ABLE TO OVERCOME ANYTHING, HE FELT SO ASSURED THAT THEY WOULD REACH THAT HAPPINESS IN THE DISTANCE WITHOUT THEIR LIGHT AND LIFE IN DANGER OF FADING WITHOUT USING HIS ALL CONSUMING FLAME OF VENGEANCE THAT COULD SCORCH THEM ALIVE. HE FELT SO HAPPY FOR HIS FATE, HIS ONE AND ONLY IN HIS LIFE...

and yet it was truly a cry. his soul is crying. he is weeping. he is breathless with tears of joy. he is breathless with sheer anger at what must be done and the circumstances that pushed them to now. he is breathless with tears of sadness. he is so overjoyed yet he feels a sorrow just as bottomless. he can't be with them. he can no longer oversee their journey from their shadow. he can no longer walk beside them. he can no longer guide them in the future as is the inevitability from the start. he is truly happy over their choice but the excruciating pang in his heart is there.

and so with his iron determination and his deep affection, he will make sure to give them one last push towards the direction they face and wish to reach. and so he beholds them as the victor already. he beholds them to the world and both of them as he himself reveals the form he had made for their sake, made because of them, that radiance which made him utterly breathless, filled him with an emotion that simple words cannot convey and unforgiveable actions only will.

and so show me your soul! blind me! burn me! kill me once more! o star whom i profoundly adore, having lit my jet-black sky so long ago, my one comfort in this life of mine, my inevitable fate, my beloved accomplice, go past me and follow the path towards brilliance befitting your light, that radiance only you can make.

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 7 thoughts, feelings, etc

ALRIGHT i ran my errands, caught up on pit babe and playboyy to relax, and now i'm doing my speedwatch. i took some notes while watching the first time and they're a fucking MESS but hopefully they help me remember everything i want to comment on because without fail i always forget something.

you'll all be glad to know this week's meta bullshit from me is far, far less romantic and wistful than last weeks. you've all been spared by my adhd brain not being able to piece together a single poetic thought.

i kind of knew from this moment the trajectory the episode would take. Day is clearly nervous but not defensive - this isn't out of the realm of something Mhok would do for him but with recent context it probably feels fairly intimate. i think this was a really good indicator of what we're in for.

there's a collection of sunflowers in Day's room, tucked away in the corner, not unlike Mhok tucking away his feelings for Day's comfort. the poor things are shrouded in shadow, away from the light. the pain is unending and forever.

Day's flashback to the kiss has me curious. his eyes are closed so he's not even thinking back to seeing what he can of Mhok up close. as he reminisces about this kiss is he simply remembering the sensation of Mhok's lips on his own? how his hands curled into Mhok's jacket? and i'm sure we've all seen the post but - was he thinking of the way Mhok tasted like cigarettes? this isn't to romanticize his disability, i'm just genuinely wondering what exactly he's drawing on here in this moment, because it's clearly something significant to him.

Porjai just keeps getting prettier every episode and it's making me insane. i just think i should be allowed to take care of her.

"I'm jealous of Day's ability to make you smile."

this makes me think Mhok's smiles have been few and far between, and maybe Porjai has been looking to bring out that smile for a long time. does she ever worry that maybe someday Mhok could end up like Rung? does she worry about finding him too?

oh i so very badly want the context for this, i want to know everything. but also, it's really not that surprising. not when we've seen the things Mhok has done for Day. Mhok lives his life in extremes; anger, kindness, protectiveness, his work, etc. everything Mhok does he puts his whole self into it and it's nice to see his love is no different, because why would it be?

i'm once again in awe of what P'Aof has done with Mhok and Porjai, though. they live together so easily and naturally. there's nothing strange or awkward about it, just two people surviving life together. it's such a breath of fresh air.

Day just cannot catch a break when it comes to August. this has to hurt so fucking badly, the pity has to feel amplified by 1000. not only was August trying to force himself to like Day back because he's blind, but also because he was thinking of leaving. Day is a stronger man than me because i would be frothing at the mouth pissed.

but once again, Mhok doesn't let Day stew in his fish tank. he encourages him to go out and resolve his feelings, even if that means screaming at August and letting out all his hurt and frustration. he's seen what happens when Day lets his hurt fester and he won't let it happen again, not while he's around.

"He's a lot stronger than I thought. It's me who's so weak that I let him down."

as much as August pisses me off, i do think this is him realizing his pity was misplaced, and he failed Day in that way, so he gets some redemption points here. (still think he's a stinky bastard man tho)

the immediate distance Mhok puts between himself and the group never fails to hurt my heart. i get it, he's there for a job, but their relationship has progressed past that - now even moreso, and i cant help but wonder if this is his attempt at keeping a distance, curbing his expectations, reminding himself that while his role is to be by Day's side it's only in a professional capacity.

i love that Gee acknowledges him with a little head nod, occasionally looks in Mhok's direction as if to include him, she's just - ugh - i love all the women in this show so fucking much. i just wish someone would invite Mhok over sometime, encourage him to join the conversation (like they did back at the party.)

sometimes Mhok really is the embodiment of a shadow - both of Day and of his former self (for good or bad.)

(he looks so fucking sexy leaning like that with his shirt tucked into his pants tho, whew.)

Gee also becomes one of my favorite people for asking Day to take the photo of all of them. she just gets it, she includes him, she doesn't act like he can't do things, she even insists he can, she's just !!! the women of all time in this show i swear!!! I LOVE WOMEN!!!!

also the "you don't drink coffee, girl spill the tea" from Gee is just so good. she knows a diversion tactic when she sees one.

i want this expression framed, she's so cute, HELP.

i wish i had the time and energy today to make gifs for this week but ugh. the journey Mhok's face went on here to end up at quiet resignation. because he did figure. someone like Day? with someone like him? because we know Mhok's opinion of himself isn't great, largely influenced by his incarceration and reintegration into society, i'm sure, along with his guilt. but there had been that little bud of hope, a little sunflower seed that had bloomed just a little too far, reached for the sun a little too much. it must feel like a weed in his chest.

the way Day says 'here' so softly, with so much vulnerability made me feel like screaming. he doesn't know what his feelings are for Mhok yet (you can't tell me he doesn't feel anything) but he knows he doesn't want to lose Mhok and the sudden idea of it is terrifying. Mhok is the only person that really understands him, one of the only people he's comfortable around anymore, and he can't lose that. he doesn't want to go back to the dirty fish tank.

i also think this was an indicator to Mhok that maybe Day doesn't know how he feels, and maybe he can get away with flirting in tiny, subtle ways because from here on his secret flirting game is in full effect and it's so fucking cute. he's careful not to completely push past Day boundaries, but to test them in gentle ways.

THE SHOES MY BELOVEDS. we all know what i feel about these shoes after last week and i'm so glad to see all of my stupid babbling confirmed here. i love that Mhok constantly mends things instead of throwing them away. the sentimentality of items means something to Mhok and we love him for that.

we also got a proper 'sweet dreams' this episode, finally!! thank you subbers!

so many shots of feet this ep tho and lemme tell you as someone that HATES feet, this was rough.

oh you are so smitten. Day realizing Mhok is warm, warm in his own way, warm in such a gentle and understated way. UGH. you would've thought he knew after everything they've been through but sometimes people need a reminder and maybe something to drive them to pay closer attention. our boy is BESOTTED. kicking his feet and giggling. i think this is the happiest we've ever seen him.

so here's where i'm probably going to wax poetic the most. Mhok is finally opening up to Day in such an incredible way. he brings Day to his home with no fear of pity or judgement. he brings him into this sanctuary created by him, his sister, and Porjai and he cooks for him and cares for him and in letting him in Day sees even more how impossibly warm Mhok is.

what's even greater is there isn't a single moment where Day is jealous or questions Porjai being there. Mhok has told him she's expecting and he's never weird about it, just kind and understanding and it's all so normalized, it's fucking beautiful. Day even takes the time to encourage Porjai, to share about his mom, and about the strength it takes to be a single mom. P'Aof i adore you.

Mhok has planted jasmine simply because he knows Day likes it, and maybe now he likes it too. and he brings Last Twilight home to practice reading (i'd always wondered how he managed to read without stumbling over himself lmao) and he's done it so much that now Porjai wants to name their child Mee, wants to create this connection to Day forever.

and once prompted, once Day knows enough to ask, Mhok opens up about Rung, talks about her more. Day comments on the warmth of the house, something started by Rung and cultivated by Mhok. it would be so easy for the house to feel cold and clinical, especially knowing what happened here, but Mhok has kept it a home - warm, inviting, comforting - all the things Mhok has been to Day.

the noises took me by fuckin' surprise tho, i genuinely looked around my house like who the fuck is making all that noise and then i was like OH THOSE ARE-- OKAY--

and I know people are like haha P'Aof has a scent kink but like. idk. maybe it's just me but scents are something i'm drawn to. i remember the way someone smelled more than i remember their face. i recently took a shirt out of my closet and immediately started crying. it smelled like face powder and perfume. it smelled like my grandma. the leather jacket pushed to the side smells like cigarettes and horses, like my dad always did.

scent is such an ingrained memory, something that is so hard for our brains to let go of. every time i get a familiar smell it knocks me on my ass, and i'm so glad to see some of this represented in these shows.

this absolutely warmed my heart. whatever is going on with Night and Day is clearly more on Day's side than anything else. Night clearly loves his brother and i'm just fucking DYING to know what is going on that is causing Day to drive a wedge between them. sure, Night hasn't been perfect, but there's love there and that counts for so much.

and what exactly are you doing here??? this is a charity run for blindness - does he know someone that is blind other than Day? did meeting Day inspire him to participate? has he spent time talking to Mhok about Day and maybe the difficulties of his blindness? i am filled with questions but i love this character so much, he's just so kind.

Day's hesitation to cross the finish line was also something i found so interesting. it felt long, possibly too drawn out, but Day needed to think, needed time to understand that if he crosses that finish line, if he accepts Mhok's request to be his boyfriend, their lives will never go back to how they were. things between them will change forever, whether the relationship is a success or otherwise. it's an incredibly mature thing of Day to do, even if it felt a little lengthy for us, the audience.

i strongly believe that in addition to Mhok Porjai is going to be a big driving force in Night and Day's reconciliation. i would love to see Porjai gain Night's side of the story, Mhok gain Day's side of the story, and the two of them working together to see how they can reunite these brothers.

also if i had a nickle for every time P'Aof paired Mark with a pregnant woman in his shows i'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's interesting it has happened twice.

while i, like everyone else, hope the mock proposal is a parallel we get to see later i want to focus more on this moment.

i forget who said it, it's long gone to the depths of my dash by now, but someone commented that disabilities do not stop for love, and fuck is that so true. i love Mhok's concern, his immediate reaction to soothe, and the way he seems to feel Day's fear as his own. and poor Day, he can't even enjoy this moment of bliss with Mhok because of course, of course something like this had to happen. it's so fucking real in the way Last Twilight has been this entire time.

the constant excellent representation of disabled living has been incredible to see, i've seen so much of myself in this show (even though my disability is so very different) and it's been like a warm blanket put over very single comment: you're too young to be disabled, you aren't THAT disabled, you're being dramatic, etc.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you P'Aof and team.

tag loves: @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious (as always tell me if you want to be added {for LT only or all meta} or removed!)

[electraslight]

ben 10 2006 kevin arc: addicts arent good or bad. they can be kind and good and pure and everything a person 'should' be and circumstances can still align and draw them to addiction. kevin is a sweet kid who wants to make friends and is continually shown to be kind when sober, but even in his very first moments it's seen that his trip can drive him to hurt others and himself. he doesnt have any other choice though, because he couldn't survive without his addiction and the power that it gives him. this is understood, and yet ben's arc is about understanding that no matter how much you may care about an addict or a mentally ill loved one, no matter how many chances you try to give them, there comes a point where it is lethal for you to keep trying to help someone who cannot be helped. Ben gives kevin mercy, tools to help himself, and while their might be animosity about it, he really only wants kevin to be ok but even if you believe in someone with all of your soul, you cannot stay with them if they can't value you in the way you value them. Addiction is not a fault, but it is also not an illness that breeds nice people, and continuing to try and help someone who will hurt you for trying is less helping and more self-flaggelation.

ben 10 ultimate alien kevin arc: hey look at this horrible irredeemable criminal junkie lol. everyone can treat him like shit and ignore his feelings because he was on drugs once, and hes even been to jail!! isnt that horrible? doesnt he deserve to be the narrative punching bag? hes an ADDICT he can take it!! look at him getting off the wagon lol, isnt he awful for that? let's have his girlfriend and best friend call him ugly and have him get molested and enslaved!!! also when dealing with a partner going through a violent relapse its totally cool and romantic to 'believe' in him even when he is actively seeking you out to kill you. you should not distance yourself and get yourself to safety because thats LOVE and you can FIX him and ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT. we are a progressive show that has progressive politics

(these are my own interpretations btw i cant argue for intent only what i took away from it. but uaf's botched 'progressiveism' grates on me heavily when even ogs's villians are treated with more sympathy about factors out of their control than one og the teen main characters. ill make a seperate post about botched themes and whitewashing of actual issues later but focusing on this rn bc this is what made kevin resonate with me in the first place and i hate how they botched it)

[sammygender]

is there any point in the series that sam could have made an escape and actually successfully gotten away from dean and hunting, or do you think that his lack of support system made it impossible

FANTASTIC QUESTION. sorry im gonna ramble for 7374893594 words now

tldr, past like s3 (and certainly past s5) i think its kinda impossible.

early seasons, like 1-2, sure and totally, he almost does, he plans on it. but then the demon deal for his life happens and theyre trapped in cycles forever and ever and everything becomes a lot harder and, also, sam and dean just naturally become more and more codependent, decreasing the chances of them ever being able to have a 'normal relationship', which i think is necessary (dean loosening grip on sam, them having connections outside of each other) for sam to ever 'get away' from dean/hunting (cause otherwise its just an all-or-nothing choice, more on this in a sec).

i think its less so much about sam successfully getting away in terms of getting dean off his back/to leave him alone (which, dont get me wrong, WOULD be hard, especially as the seasons go on, considering dean cant stand to be alone and has extremely controlling and occasionally stalkerish tendencies <3..... but could still certainly be possible), but about him actually choosing to leave dean/hunting (which for the purposes of this question we r equating).

bc its sort of like..... he takes a lot of Breaks especially during mid seasons (s5 after lucifer's set free (tho iirc this one is dean's doing), s7 after dean kills amy, s8 with amelia tho he thinks deans dead, s9 after gadreel possession is revealed....) but he always always comes back. of course s8 is dean Literally Dragging sam back into it (<3) and also just shaking everything up by being generally Alive, but s7 and 9, its cause dean has done something awful thats genuinely shook sam up, and in the end he just... gets over it. cuz what is the alternative? dean doesnt change and rarely apologises!

like its the fact that of course he wants a relationship with dean because deans the closest person in his life and everything to him, but having a relationship with dean equals their intense codependent unhealthy bond, equals dealing with dean's disregard of his autonomy and ignoring it (read: letting it wear him down). dean's all or nothing. they cant just be 'normal brothers'. and i find it extremely hard to see sam ever actually longterm choosing 'no dean' over 'dean who loves him more than anything and will always do anything for him but systematically wears down his personhood and punishes him for percieved disobedience and thinks he's the one who gets to make choices about sam's life'. like he would have to have a bunch of connections outside of dean, they probably both would, and that would never really happen partially because of dean. they can never let anyone else get on their level. like u said. lack of support system!

and its like... what could dean Actually do that would make sam 'cut him off'/distance himself permanently. i literally and truly cannot think of anything. sam canonically has an INCREDIBLE capacity for forgiveness, just in general - where's that jared quote about how sam forgives everyone cause he sees himself as someone so in need of forgiveness - and this even more so applies to dean. dean locks sam up and leaves him to die, kills his friend, tricks sam into letting an angel possess him, and tries to kill him, and none of that makes sam leave dean permanently, not just because dean makes it physically difficult for him to (tho he does - insisting they work together in s7 on the case, going off to get mark of cain in s9) but also cause sam just eventually forgives him and moves on. is it 'capacity for forgiveness' or is it that he doesnt really view bad things that happen to him as a big deal, that (thru s5-esque emotional abuse techniques <3) deans subconsciously gotten him questioning his own reality and opinions so deeply that it just takes time before sam's agreeing with dean again. makes you think!

but tbf (and this is a digression but i just find it interesting) this probably goes both ways too - what could sam actually do to make dean leave him permanently? even when deans incredibly angry at sam he usually wants him around to berate about it <3. exceptions being start of s10 when hes a demon but even demon dean soon switches to sam-obsession.... and s5. which i know according to endverse Wouldve been a permanent split up? which is kind of wild? and canonises that that Couldve Happened i guess. samgirls should do more with endverse, id kill to see an actually good samcentric fic of like. the events leading to endverse. if anyones read any pls pls recs. ANYWAY. theres also ofc s2 meg possession, where dean just fully thinks sam killed people and is like <3 okay baby brothers lets pretend this never happened we got this do u need me to bury a body <3. truly a ride or die. unless ur actively going against Him specifically. things to think about. tell me ur takes.

and anyway then s11 onwards he is NOT getting out. not unless someone really managed to get it into his head Hey So Pro Tip This Is Fucked. sam acquiesces to dean-as-dictator, having literally Let Dean (be about to) Kill him, dean (newly cured from moc) is consequently much more pleased with sam and with their relationship, they fight much less and theres therefore much less prominent emotional abuse etc since dean is at his worst when hes upset. (iirc. late seasons are a blur except for jack stuff.). and by s13 he has a son and maybe if this happened seasons ago dean's treatment of jack would've been enough to prompt at least a temporary split up but it doesnt, it just sparks a few vague arguments between samndean and sam telling jack that dean is trying <3 and that its very difficult for him <3 which is why he told you hed kill you <3 thats just what dean is like you have to get over it at some point <3 (I LOVE S13). so then yeah. too late.

TLDR... he is too indocrinated <3. sad!

[iid-smile]

#03 ୨ৎ ⸝⸝ ahri ⋆

hi! thank you for ordering, and kaji too! (my fav <3) fear not! your request is not weird at all! it's actually really cute. i think for 20 you can tell i went a bit overboard... i have a lot to say, okay? as requested, everything is headcanons!

#01 🍰 | first kiss

it was definitely on accident

in general, i think kaji would kiss you to stop you from talking for various reasons, so this was just instinct.

he's actually a mess afterwards. he can't speak, his entire face flushed and wide eyes. it takes him a bit for him to realise what he's actually done

shoves his headphones on and runs away like his life depends on it. if youve seen chapter 59, something like that

yeah... you wont hear from him for a while. if you do, it's kusumi and enomoto asking if you've messed him up, because he refuses to talk to anyone afterwards

some time passes one of them has to literally drag him out so you can get some alone time together. there's clearly something going on between the two of you, and they support it

he stalls for a bit, not look at you, keeps his hands in his pockets but eventually offers to redo the first kiss

he makes it significantly shorter, all because now he's actually aware of what he's doing

#02 🍰 | first date

in theory, the double date in question was the first

idk where people go on double dates, except for restaurants because thats what i see most. to make it interesting, i'll go with a cinema (the next most basic idea) the other couple would somehow have two extra tickets, and since theyre on a date already, it would be weird to bring a friend instead of a significant other

the two of you will be waiting for your bestie to show up as long as you can. even if you tell him they wont show up

he wont bail out on you, because thats just rude, so he forces himself to go on this little date alone with you

pays for any snacks or drinks you want, but he doest get anything for himself

he's not paying attention to the movie at all, and cant bring himself to face anywhere where he can see you

he'll put his jacket over your legs without you even asking if you shiver just a tiny bit. if it's really cold outside, then he lets you wear his hoodie so you arent too cold when you walk (he doesnt walk you home because he's shy </3)

when he gets back into the safety of his bedroom, he seriously cannot stop thinking about it, and he wishes he could've done better to be more natural

asks kusumi for help because he's the next best person for advice. he's actually kicking his feet in bed while he waits for his replies.

#20 🍦 | love language

physical touch

his actions speak for him

either he tries to keep the most distance possible, or he can't keep his hands off you; no in between.

you need to give him the thumbs up a lot before he makes his move in early stages of the relationship

he's actually SO gentle when he tries to touch you, because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt you. it's like his hand is just hovering over you more than anything

makes sure your hair doesn't get stuck in his headphones when he puts them around your neck

once he's comfortable, he touches you in the most unnecessary ways. patting your cheeks, yanking your shoulder, making sure you're pinned to his side while walking... stuff like that. he's protective and it shows

you're a victim of having his hand on your head a lot. sometimes when you just face each other randomly and not say anything, he looks down at you and firmly pats your head, as if it's the most normal thing ever. kaji may not be the tallest, but he uses his height over you to his advantage

gift giving

but not in the way that you think

whenever he has to say goodbye to you, he always shoves his lollipop in your mouth because he "doesnt want to finish it"

at some point, you'd get the same headphones that he has he even gets you a little charm that reminds him of you, and there's a 99% chance it's a cat.

always lets you keeps his shirts and hoodies, but he still complains about it. still, he insists to the point where majority of his shirts are his, not ones you bought yourself

hoarding

i know this isnt one of the official five, but i needed to say this

kaji has every single lollipop stick, receipts from dates, and notes from you kept safe in a box somewhere under his bed. perhaps a particular stick that has a ribbon attached to it is one of his prized possessions, and he doesn't have the heart to even touch it, in fear of your hard work unraveling

as for receipts, he likes to keep them when he can. even for the smallest moments you spend together, like going to the convenience store, he reads through what you bought so he knows what to surprise you with next time (and he insists he made a guess) also just for memories, so he doesn't forget any

when he has every note that you gave to him, he takes it literally. ever since he met you, even just useless ones like asking for a pen, silly doodles, or complaining about someone, he keeps them. it makes him smile when he rereads them, and he loves admiring your handwriting

he will never admit that he does this to anyone unless you find the box yourself. he takes the secret to the grave.

event masterlist

[tomriddlehyperfixataion]

Tom Riddle x reader - blurb/how you(blank) because i need to write SOMETHING

How you meet - During 5th year, its a simple paired potions assignment and you end up getting paired with Tom. he's polite and charming of course, one must be to gain allies, even if they are...less, in his view.

How you gain his attention- Oddly, you don't pay attention to him like most of the girls do(frtho we all be drooling over him and blushing), you just get your work done and be polite. it gains his attention because 'whomst? doesn't react to my charms and face? i must find out the cause'. mans likes a puzzle to solve.

How it starts- he starts hanging around to try and solve the puzzle of you, he wants to know everything, every weakness and every tiny piece about the person who caught his attention. he surmises that he'll lose interest at some point once he learns enough/gains your attention like the other girls always give him. but the longer he hangs around, the more...comfortable he gets. he finds himself gravitating towards you, not really realizing whats happening until its already too late.

How he realizes- during another potions class, Slughorn was reviewing Amortentia and Tom smelled a particular scent that had him reeling back-his eyes going wide and ears turning pink. it was your perfume/shampoo/cologne/body wash/whatever. a smell he had gotten way too acquainted with over the last few months. (yes it takes him literal months to get to this point he is not a love at first sight kinda guy, he has to have some sort of connection) and he has a bit of a breakdown-because haha-WHAT!?

What happens after the realization- He distances himself right away, practically cuts contact. doesn't look at you, doesn't speak to you unless he HAS to. just goes cold turkey. right away he misses you and is just like *AHHHHHHHHHHHHH* but internally...this only lasts about two weeks before he decides 'fuck i miss them' and just stares at you for a good while before he gains to courage to go up to you and start talking again. he keeps his cool, of course he does, but inside he is screaming.

How he confesses- its right before summer break of 5th year, yes he takes forever to confess and he does it right before everyone leaves for the summer, just in case he gets rejected and doesn't have to look you in the eye until the next school term. For once he's fumbling over his words and he cant keep eye contact, his face slowly turning red as you stare at him with a small smile. depending on how you react, he'll either leave with a hidden smile or the STUPIDEST grin he's ever worn, or will wear. the grin will be if you kiss him on the cheek.

When you both come back for 6th year- Oh-he is NERVOUS-he didn't even know he COULD BE nervous. his hands are shaking slightly and he cannot focus on anything he is just so nervous about seeing you again. he hides it well, blank face and everything, but he moment he sees you at the train station, and you smile at him, he cannot help but smile back because holy shit they like me back and i wasn't delusional

lowkey i hc Tom is insecure in relationships(genuine ones)

How he is in a relationship- it takes him a long time to get properly comfortable. pulls back from any pda and wont even let you hold his hand. you can hold his sleeve or something but hand? nope. he's just so unused to being touched in a loving way that he's-almost grossed out by it? but once he finally starts to settle? ooooh he is the cuddliest thing on planet earth. feral cat that felt the loving touch of their human and now will never let them go. pda is at a minimum but now you're always holding hands in some way, pinkies interlocked and everything. study dates are the main dates, but he wont mind a date at the three broomsticks once in a while, as long as you find a quiet corner to hang out in semi-privately. will help you with homework but has to be offered something(wink wink just kidding its candy.) Major! sweet tooth, you could make him commit murder with the offer of sweets(lets be fr he wouldn't need candy to commit murder) jealous! jealous jealous jealous! and possessive, no one is allowed to talk to you, not with out several interviews from Tom and being cleared after taking a written exam on why they wouldn't try anything on his boy/girl.

loves to see you in his hoodies/sweaters, thinks its the best way other than hickeys to mark his territory. will happily give up all his hoodies to make sure everyone knows that you're his.

side note; i see so many tik toks(Slytherin boys react n stuff) that make him super threatening and menacing and willing to kill during the Hogwarts years. like he's smart. really fucking smart. he wouldn't risk anything just for someone he cares a lot about, torture? yes. kill? no. he's not stupid. he's not going to get caught over a stupid boy who gets handsy. will he later kill that idiot after graduation? yes, but during school? when Dumbledore is around to keep an eye on him? no. he's not stupid. he's not a murder machine, he's homicidal not stupid.

Anyway back to the point

Other relationship stuff-

Would take a long time to get to the point were he wants to go past kissing, hell it takes him forever to kiss you for the first time-like legit three months into the relationship. he would do knuckle/hand kisses and cheek kisses here and there-but it takes months for you guys to kiss properly for the first time. but anyway's he had never been attracted to anyone before you and takes a long time to get sexually active with you, mans is a virgin-everyone makes him a playboy and i look at his ass and go 'that man has never touched a girl a day in his life'.

So he learns with you, once he starts? oh yes he goes full horn dog. he is insatiable! cant keep his hands off you in private/semi-private. is pretty vanilla at first but he finds a spicy book and is very intrigued. learns he has a breeding kink very quickly and is very into choke play and control.

First and last love, if you ever leave him(haha you wont), he will probably never get attached to anyone romantically ever again.

Very protective and will keep you out of his 'darker' business, like the chamber and his followers and plans, wants to keep you innocent, to have something that isn't total darkness and evil. now if you're into that kinda thing he wont stop you, but he will keep you away from it all just in case.

Cold hands-will warm them up between your thighs-thick or not.

Has naturally curly hair, and only lets you see it-everyone else gets the polished hair gel look. it took him months to let you see it-but once you proclaim your love for his natural hair-he makes it a point to let you see/play with it before he puts his gel in/after he washes his hair at night.

can and will fall asleep on you, esp. if you're playing with his hair or scratching his scalp/neck, arms fully wrapped around you and konked out, very cute panther lookin ass.

steals ur pillows and switches it with his(he has good pillows and washes his bed sheets/pillow cases routinely)

mayhaps have stolen one of your blankets...you're not getting it back.

will help you do any homework you have trouble with, might even let you copy his homework for a price(wink wink fr this time)

by the end of 7th year, and you're still together, fully plans to buy a ring and marry you. no doubts about it.

[suffarustuffaru]

A while ago someone asked you for your thoughts on Garfiel. I figured the sibling set should be complete, so what are your thoughts on Frederica?

HALLO FINNB!!! interesting question :o my thoughts on frederica are. a little mixed. but ultimately i think what we’ve seen from her so far is interesting and that she has a lot of potential here.

we just dont know all that much about her :(( on one level i get it—rezeros cast is immense and naturally tappei has to rotate through everyone and give every character focus and spotlight at different times. but bc we dont know that much about frederica i feel like shes mostly just Kinda There, yknow? :<< we know way more about garfiel and i feel like frederica being kept on the backburner for so long kinda works against her and the emilia camp in general writing wise just bc she just has to be stuck in I Havent Had My Character Arc Limbo when the emilia camp is the main group we see consistently for rezeros main route ig. or at least thats my thoughts on it atm :<<

plus i was honestly kinda sad frederica didnt get to go along in arc 5 If Only bc she didnt get to see what her mom is up to firsthand. then theres the actual arc 4-5 interlude with frederica and garf trying to bond after sanctuary that i HOPE gets included in s3 :<< frederica is just lacking in screentime and literally almost any info at all for sure. which makes me sad bc tappei LET ME IN I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HER !!! >:(((

and again i get it that tappei cant develop every character in existence at the same time. dude has to juggle the most massive cast especially by arc 7. but definitely this has its drawbacks especially with the way tappei writes everyone. bc at the moment frederica is one of the characters suffering the most from it—she appeared all the way back in arc 4 and four arcs later i cannot tell you all that much about her :<

i do think though that what we do see from her so far is interesting!! her insecurity regarding her appearance, like her sharp teeth, her being so fond of petra while also being so dead set on disciplining petra firmly when needed (which is sweet!!!), that one ss where frederica takes care of ram when shes feeling more under the weather than usual (which is Again super super adorable), frederica listening with a smile as emilia gushes about subaru to her. and also her just flatly pitying otto and hearing this guy say hes totally normal and being like “he Literally cannot perceive himself accurately at all” + dropping otto in the anime just to hug petra is fucking hilarious i need fredotto fics to actually acknowledge this.

but also other details like—and ok granted i dont remember every detail on frederica (yet) but leaving garfiel like that is still kind of. a dick move HAH. and i know her reason was smth along the lines of wanting to improve the outside world for demihumans iirc but like whats her Full Reasons for doing all that?? what was she even planning to do?? why couldnt she talk to or see garfiel more in this entire time period?? i think it comes with the interesting implication that frederica isnt entirely as nice and sweet as she looks—or at least that of course she herself is flawed. which is fun!!

also her relationship with clind is. ………..naturally of course i dont trust tappei with anything regarding children and clinds weird shit with children but ignoring tappei for a moment i do at least appreciate the complicated thoughts frederica has about clind. how she had feelings for him once and they still linger but she keeps her distance bc hes like That, you know? that feeling of broken trust and “i cared for you now what do i do with This Feeling” is So interesting to me i just hate clind’s whole thing with children bc tappei will never write it in an entirely serious and satisfactory manner 😭 BUT greed if and the dynamic between frederica and clind and frederica having to help kill / kill clind bc of greedbaru and echidnas shit is SO interesting (and clinds lore apart from being Creepy About Children is very interesting). but also poor frederica……….. ;-;

and poor frederica bc if the rumors about her getting more development by like arc 10 or 11 are true then shes gonna be stuck in I Havent Gotten Development Yet Limbo for a while ;-;

but yeah anyway. the frederica crumbs so far are interesting, the shit going on with frederica and garfiels family is Interesting, and i definitely dont trust tappei with children 👍 but i hope we get more info on frederica and that her character arc slaps really hard !! i Need to learn more about her!!!

im not fully familiar with fredericas side of the complicated family drama but if memory serves me right her birth was. not an entirely happy affair bc her poor mom has been through A Lot of shit and frederica was a product of that. and then her mom later tries to go find garfiel’s dad. like all of that is just so incredibly sad to me and again, i wish frederica was there to see what happened to her mom in arc 5, and also im curious about how thats affected frederica more in depth. knowing she wasnt exactly wanted. having these demihuman features from her dad (im assuming), whos also One Of the people who hurt her mom. knowing that she was born a burden, learning that her mom cant entirely take care of her and isnt in a stable life situation and almost certainly isnt mentally stable herself. garfiel coming along and their mom leaving. frederica leaving garfiel in sanctuary herself. her growing up admiring clind, which is an unfortunate parallel to what couldve happened with her mom and garfiel’s dad. its just so so tragic to me and theres a lot of things you could explore there!!

frederica to me seems like someone whos probably grown up too fast, who comes off as composed and very disciplined and likes taking care of others but also fumbles a little at growing closer and is insecure and uncertain herself even as shes good at being the older and wiser one to petra and later garfiel a bit. but also we dont know much about her so im kinda just spitballing here but she has potential methinks :,) im definitely sad that it seems like the fact that shes a pretty anime waifu or whatever kinda overtakes discussions on her character sometimes ;-;

and also one of my pals is really passionate about animals and gave me a whole lecture once a few years ago on why they think fredericas beast form design fucking sucks and i cant remember all of their points now but like i Will back them up i think garfiel and fredericas beast forms could look better but im not an expert at illustrating animals so HAH i cant speak on that. but def the eyebrows on the beast designs is so…… whaaaaat is that 😭 go FULL beast design or NOTHING. WHERE IS MY EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA BUFF FREDERICA BEAST DESIGN !!!

also ngl i just think frederica looks really cute in this shot <333 ALSO iirc she feels like she cant wear cute outfits bc shes insecure about her body and :((((( GIVE THIS GIRL ALL THE CUTEST OUTFITS IN THE WORLD PLEASE :((( and also i just think its a tragedy just how much shes sexualized :(( and i just think there are. a lot of AFAB specific and girlhood specific themes you could explore with fredericas storyline but tappei is tappei so all the foundation is there but idk if i entirely trust him. but on another level i think its fascinating yeah!!! sad how much it flies over audiences heads sometimes.

in conclusion: i like frederica i hope we see more stuff from her. and im crying about how she reportedly wont be getting development for a wall :<<<<

[moonshynecybin]

bc you asked for it: what happens in the same age au when they get to the premier class?

YESSSSS OKAY. so the thing is. in this scenario they are MUCHHH more codependent right out of the gate. truly like you are the only bitch i can relate to and understand and ALSO the only person i can use as a yardstick for how actually good at this sport i am. and my entire life is about discovering how good at this sport i am. like they both think they’re weird fucked up soulmates created in a lab to complement and destroy each other. and they’ve held the other’s hair back after they puked when they were teenagers AND they’ve been inside each other. WEIRD shit sublimating into their egos and sense of selves.

which means ego really changes here! because if they went up against each other in their primes i’m not sure they would be as dominant as they were in real life… if vale didn’t win 9 titles without going to the gym that would change him as a person. and he’s reacting to MARC as his main rival here so he CANT win at those mind-game psychological warfare tactics he used as a little guy because marc is simply matching him in levels of crazy… idk it has interesting implications top to botttom for how these guys fundamentally view themselves and their lives!! i like to think about it!!!

but. basically. i think the main friction in their relationship, ESPECIALLY when they get to the premiere class, is the injury thing. even more so than normal. it’s not just i love you i’m scared that you aren’t taking care of yourself. it’s I DONT KNOW WHO I AM WITHOUT YOU please take care of yourself because i can’t race when i’m WORRIED about you (we see also how marc gets about alex) and racing is the MOST IMPORTANT THING!!! this goes both ways but vale is notably more anxious about it. like this scenario would add vale to the list of people who can make marc stop racing injured (and who are COMFORTABLE asking him to stop) BUT it also makes him a direct competitor to marc. and his oldest friend. and largest enemy. with no added hero worship BUT a big dose of first-love/situationship naïveté for them both. like knowing how they get on track together, how do they even begin to resolve thatttttt… contradictions on contradictions….. so marc doesn’t race injured as often, but maybe learns to protect himself independently even LESS (he doesn’t have to think about it, that’s what vale’s for !) and it reallyyyyy tears into their relationship because vale cannot be the entire scaffolding for marc’s ability to protect himself (he is also i think not protecting himself so well from injury. anything to beat marc, don’t know where or if sic fits here etc)

ANOTHER BIG TENSION. i also think that vale would NOT be one to want to settle down that young, whereas marc would wanna get soulbonded about it… so even while vale in this au has an easier time conceptualizing how important marc is to him, i think he imposes some distance in order to go out and like. process his parents divorcing/remarrying (SIDE NOTE 2: PIC OF MARC WITH BABY LUCA. THANK YOU.), sow his wild oats, hit up the club and be a little slutty etc (SIDE NOTE 3: UCCIO AND MARC BEEF WOULD GO FUCKING CRAZYYYY HERE) and marc is down to tag along for a lot of that stuff but at the same time. they’re teens/young men living in different countries so it’s not like they’ve ever talked about what they are or asked to be exclusive… and it’s not gonna feel great when vale disappears with a girl or marc has some fling with someone back home! and it’s not like they can come out so i actually think the on again off again vibes get TURBOCHARGED. the jealousy and angst is ratchet up to ten… maybe they don’t get sepang level divorced bc ego is different and they’ve known each other longer, but the little stuff digs more… they break up a lot they make up a lot…. they eventually get resolve it after marc’s arm injury i think… puts some stuff into perspective…

[be-not-defeated-by-the-rain]

Kenji headcanons

Okay so first he has dissociative amnesia so his memory just blanks and gaps lot of the events since his friend died and just in general

Audhd(self explanatory)

transmasc (his village didn't really have a strong concept of gender anyways tho)

Dyscalculia- so he's not great at anything to do with numbers or amounts or distance or direction or anything adjacent to that

So he actually would get lost probably as much as Ranpo except he's constantly asking people on the street for directions (it helps him make friends)

Has absolutely been scammed many times before because even in bartering he does not know easily how to tell a fair deal

Does not know how to tell time at all if you ask him what time it is he'll say something like 'still light out'

Technically doesn't live in the agency dorm (his main job is farming afterall) but he does grow plants and flowers outside the dorm because he want his friends to have some nature with them in the city

He also tends a smaller garden on top of the ADA building roof (like in WAN but I think he does more that that eventually)

he really likes bugs and spiders.

High pain tolerance (that boy has been shot and stabbed and works hard in fields he knows how to withstand physical strain and injury(not that he gets injured often(if he's hungry or angry most blunt force things cant injure him unless they're from an ability and also neither can animal bites)(if his ability is strong enough at the time he can also have some resistance to non-ability based stabbing slicing/slashing affects him like anyone else)

He's a bit of a "I know a guy" person for everything. Even like majorly concerning things that this child should not know a guy for

Sends weird city things back to the village (like stop signs and lunchables and a scooter and a manhole cover and a security camera and a flashlight)

His body doesn't know how to metabolize foods or drinks with too much sugar or artificial stuff in them or overly processed foods so eating or drinking them with make him really sick

Also cannot handle spicy food. He can handle spice, just not spicy

On the subject of food: he has really unhealthy eating habits (will only really eat at night before going to sleep(if his poor internal regulation skills don't make him forget he's hungry) or if it's with other people after he's done everything he needs to do)

Will take anything his friends say as gospel if he doesn't already know otherwise.

Drinks milk straight from the carton like a madman

Strong tight hugs(boy is restraining himself to not hurt peopl, unless it's Dazai. Dazai he can squeeze)

Does not like overly loud or cluttered noises(unless he's causing them)

Accidently gets the ADA in trouble for so much collateral damage.

His parents are fully still alive (he was mostly raised communally though, a lot of things in his village were group efforts)

Fully does not to hesitate to ask for help when he needs it but because he's oddly capable on his own he often doesn't actually think he needs it unless it's specific things that he already knows he's not good at

Very overconfident in his ability to physically withstand things

Not very curious if it's not city related actually. He's content with his own knowledge. (Widlife documentaries are like cocomelon to him though, he will not look away)

tends to be either really late or really early to things. No in between

He has so many freckles

After his friend died he developed claustrophobia and a fear of drowning(though the latter isn't as strong as the claustrophobia)

Bites his nails and pencils and erasers and stuff

Gets sick pretty often. His immune system isn't used to being around so many people and the new environment

He can cook really well from scratch though (like literally bro can make flour from wheat)

Can't really use most technology well.

Not a headcanon but just a timeline reminder: Kenji joined the agency two months before Atsushi

Back to headcanons:

Kenji only got his ability after his friend died(I'm still tryna timeline this. Kunikida says the flood was "a long time ago" but Fukuzawa investigated it and found Kenji and Kenji looked the same and I doubt he found him then left and then awhile later was like "hey let's go back and get him actually" so I'm tryna decide when exactly it was. I like to think maybe 4 months before the start of canon and 2 months before he joined max? Idk id love feedback)

He doesn't remember the days surrounding his friend's death either

His memories resurfaces about a week later after the wreckage of the house was already clear and the villagers wouldn't tell him the details of how it had happened except for how he had saved them from the flood

Would break stuff on accident a whole lot way more often before joining the agency and passing his entrance exam like it was a very very common occurrence

accidentally hurt a number of farm animals this way, some chickens got worse than that cuz tiny

Spent a lot of time sleeping for the first bit because normal eating schedule would knock him out three times a day and also because he was scared of hurting people

without his ability he's still pretty fit because his strength ability is a recent thing but since getting it his actual body has slowly been getting weaker and weaker(and as he loses muscle mass, has also been losing weight at an unhealthy rate, not that his eating habits help with that)

Gets really bad motion sickness in vehicles

Uhhh other stuff I'm forgetting

[httpiastri]

im the BIGGEST mclaren fan and oscar fan in the world ever and i dont even have the energy to celebrate oscar's first win (yes bc of the fucked up way mclaren did it but wtv not getting into that) bc of how devastated i am about paul. i just want to give him the biggest hug in the world and tell him its ok and that we all still love him. i hope he knows how much support he has and that making mistakes is ok, its only his rookie season no one expects him to be schumacher or senna or whoever, we just want you to be a happy paul aron :(

seeing him banging his head and looking out into the distance after the crash omfg i will jump off a cliff i swear. hes so hard on himself and i was legit sobbing thinking about how much harder he is on himself (probably) this year after what happened w merc and prema. he deserves so much more omg. the fact that kimi ended up winning the race just made me think of the lacy edits too and omfg i cannot. i love kimi dont get me wrong but what are the chances that paul's win became kimi's instead? i js cant.

and dont get me started on that fucking penalty. he already dnf'd i don't understand the point of them punishing him any further did u not see how mad he was at himself?? fuck you fia fuck. you. cz WHY WHAT WAS THE REASON??? i feel like ive never seen them do that to a driver, usually they cause a collision and dnf they just get time penalties but a TEN PLACE GRID PENALTY?? FOR THE NEXT RACE?? THIS LATE IN THE SEASON?? it just seems SO unfair and so harsh. not agreeing w the grid penalties at all esp when the driver alr suffered from their mistakes but the crash w maloney fine i can kind of understand, but ollie's? sorry but i didnt even see them crash that hard? (or was i half asleep? idk i js literally do not remember seeing it) seriously tho wtf.

i hope his friends, family and team gave him the biggest hug ever. he'll come back stronger ik it! we'll get thru this u guys:(

paul nation family group hug 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

-🧸

this is very valid :(( it wouldve been easier to celebrate if it had been better with the team and whatever, but now it was so easily overshadowed by everything that happened in f2 and i just 😶

to me, most of my pain is based on (just like u said) the fact that i think he's hard on himself, and wants to prove so much after everything that has happened. i just hope he sees the reality; that he's doing super well, in his rookie season nonetheless, and we're all so proud of him. mistakes is okay, shit happens, even max verstappen made a bunch of mistakes yesterday!!

i didnt wanna look at the clips of him in the car nor hear his radio (ive seen the screenshot of him admitting that it was his fault tho) and i saw the clip of him after getting out of the car and i just...... nope. and esp w kimi winning aaaa it made me so happy but-

god i dont understand the penalties like. yes he made a mistake but zane was also going very very slow (on the slower tyres also) so it was hard for him to tell what zane was going to do. like these things happen within even a fraction of a second and you need to trust your instinct and sometimes it doesn't work out? like obvs i cant compare it to any personal experiences in racing but in my own sport i know the feeling of getting a bad pass etc, and something tiny can mess up the entire timing and feeling and everything? so zane just going slower makes a lot of difference :// it's not common that they do this but ive seen it sometimes but this is just so.... gAH!! esp with the thing with ollie because they didn't even show it, so it can't have been THAT important, right?? so stupid

pls everyone gather around for a group hug! with paul in the middle bcs he deserves all of the love!!!!!!! <3<3<3

(oh and just so you know. "we just want you to be a happy paul aron :("........... you actually broke me with that one, i hope you're happy that im crying bcs of you 😭)

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

My personal “screaming about the lack of Ladynoir in the finale” post TM

Don’t know how to preface this???

this isn’t hate for the finale,

this is more, me reveling in the Angst of what they Chose Not To Put and screaming and wailing about how ladynoir has me in a chokehold

Im coming to terms with the s5 finale and finding bits of hope for my Ladynoir heart, etc. And i have decided that the finale has a ton of very very cool potential.

But i still can’t stop imagining… what if Adrien had gotten the messages from Ladybug??? What if he was About to give up being Chat Noir and give in to hopelessness and nightmares and terror and the cage he was trapped in and THEN (probably via Plagg, they could make it work) he got the frantic terrified messages from ladybug that were like “hi where ARE you?!?!?! Kitty cat come in NOW i NEED YOU!!?!? Hawkmoth knows my identity i think i am going to die i am all alone please please please show up i need you pick up pick UP.”

What if he was like. “Oh.” And his world just. Shifted. He thought his worst fear was ending the world as chat or being trapped even further by transforming in front of his father and being Caught but now Neither of those matter… now the only fear is just… not being Enough for ladybug… the fear of losing her or letting her down or making her feel as alone and abandoned and hopeless as he does right now????

What if he just????? Transformed without a moment of hesitation??? What if he was there taking to her on the phone coaching her through breathing and telling her he promised she would be okay and he promised he would be proud of her no matter what happened???? What if his own nightmares and fears started slipping through on the call and SHE turned around and reassured HIM that she trusts him fully and if he can’t trust himself he can at least trust HER judgement????? What if they both managed to avoid the mind control by being Each Others’ alliance?????

What if Ladybug found out that Chat Noir was in London ,,, because if Her identity’s been revealed to Monarch and she’s In His House than it’s Already going to hell and secrets don’t matter anymore, it just matters that they trust each other??? All they ever WANTED was to be open and trust and now its all they have left??? And theres not identity reveal or speculation bc it doesnt MATTER right now it just matters to SURVIVE or at LEAST be together for the end.

What if she told him not to come to Paris because it’s too dangerous to be in the same spot and he was like “im so sorry but i Cannot do that i cant leave you there Alone” and she was like “i know. and i love you. And id do the same. And that’s also why i cant tell you who monarch is or where the house is because i KNOW you’ll come here and i cant stop you. We cant both be in his grasp i just need you on the phone”

What if she fought in the basement for her life while getting support from him whilst he rallied all the other heroes and the resistance across the surface of paris???? What if we had ladybug and chat noir fighting the same battle on two different fronts, both Very Aware of each others’ situation nonstop,,, working as a Team despite the distance????? What if chat was just nonstop doing everything he could to reassure ladybug that they were doing okay and everyone supported her and he Trusted Her to do anything because the nightmares were STILL debilitating for everyone including them and they couldnt afford for either of them to get akumatized or even DISTRACTED and they just told puns and reminded each other when to use their powers and when to breathe?????

And chat could be captured or whatever and have to call out to ladybug and she could be like “send me your kwami its okay you did so good, i’ll be okay ill see you again”

Bug noire could still happen but it would be a strategic choice BOTH of them made TOGETHER with pain and love mixed together rather than the result of major decisions that they both were forced to make Independantly with no communication only fear and guilt and lonliness???

I dont know how to explain this but this is not salt this is not hate towards the episode this is just,,,, UGH this show has made me SO INVESTED in the dynamics and they had a CHANCE to do stuff and make it so fun and they DIDNT ,,,, they CHOSE to make it darker and grittier this time and i think it’s probably going in a cool direction,,, i think that ladybug and chat noir are gonna have some Fun (for me not for them) things to Discuss after this and some brand new abandonment issues combined with weird bits of Hope that Apparently they can survive on their own, all in a messy weird blurry pool of fears and relief and guilt and lonliness!!!!! And there’s so much to explore

But ALSO i miss my ladynoir goddammit i miss when it was the ladybug and chat noir show and i feel a little bit hollow seeing how ALONE!!! BOTH OF THEM were!!! this entire finale!!!!!!!!! Why are they ALONE those are my LADYNOIR they are PARTNERS do not SEPARATE THEM!!!! Stop doing PLOTS and HARD DECISIONS and IN CHARACTER MISTAKES to them and PLEASE just let them be perfect and together anyways aaaaaaaaa

(Bonus u can read the absolute essay i accidentally put in my tags for more scrambled thoughts)

[minimujina]

so. hear me out. scaramouche and nilou

maaaajor spoilers below, dont read if you dont know about scaramouche’s full lore and character arc and everything!!

i had this idea because you know how when he becomes wanderer (after losing his memories) and starts to work for that guy in the grand bazaar for free?? he HAD to have seen nilou perform before, i mean he must have right. and since he’s a completely different person from the big emo bastard scaramouche, i imagine that he would be so enchanted by her dancing that he might approach her after a show to tell her. he’s really sweet and just sort of floaty, ykyk how he was before he got his memories back. just a little guy :)

they would hit it off and stuff and maybe they’d go for a walk or something around the city or in a garden :) it would mostly be wanderer listening to nilou talk, since he cant remember anything about himself, and hes much more interested in her anyways. he finds himself really smitten anshjddhhd

i think that would probably be like their only interaction before he gets his memories back, but it was enough to spark a connection on both ends (especially since he told nilou jack shit about himself—she’s left wondering who the hell the guy with the big hat was lmao)

however, since he has now returned to being a bastard full-time, he tries to distance himself from nilou to protect her. he knows that if he saw her again and she realized he was a completely different person, he wouldn’t know what to do. there was too much to explain. he would feel so guilty not having an explanation if he accidentally said something rude or acted out of line. and in the end, he might just end up driving her away from him—which would be yet another loss of a person who is in some way special to him. and he’s not sure he’ll be able to endure that kind of pain all over again. what if she only liked the other version of him, and not this version, who was jaded and cynical and hurt?

auntie buer is not having any of that though lol—she quickly finds out he sort of might maybe like nilou (it wasnt that hard, he was literally thinking about her constantly. the thoughts of how to avoid her kept getting interrupted with fluttering admirations about her, how lovely she is, how sweet, how yadda yadda, and then he would get mad at himself and shake his head). and so nahida does some meddling (idk details theyre tbd) and BOOM confrontation ez clap

i could say more but. it runs off into a specific scene with details that arent necessary for this drabble post.

i thought of this last night and slapped some words onto a google doc before the inspiration slipped (it is quite literally an entire page of a block of nonstop words, there are no breaks whatsoever and its a mess😭) and i wanted to post a modified and much less aggressive key-smashing version of it to see if i can convert anyone to my rarepair agenda :-)

i might. might may maybe might write this story but i already have so many ideas i Cannot commit to and so many other things i should be focusing on. at the very least it will probably be a long time before i post it if i do end up writing it fyi—but this will definitely be in the back of my head

(so like. does. does anyone see what i see. does anyone else think this is cute. because im losing my mind thinking about these two in This specific scenario) (please let me know if this is cute or if i am delusional)

[josecariohca]

hi again! hope you're in good health! your answer to the pirate au gave me life, if you ever wanna share more/info-dump about it I'll be happy to take a seat and listen. Since we have similar brain worms about them and it seems you've been on the spamano block even longer than I have I was wondering if you have any fic recs for them? (side note do you have an ao3?) or just any type of rec for spamano at all?

hi again!!! you must have the patience of a saint for waiting so long, but yes hello i am here and i have been DYING to answer your ask and once again i stuck it under a read more bc what is concise wording??? idk her shes not here we only ramble here! warnings for excessive over-explanation and the obsessive thoughts of someone who has been in this stupid fandom for way, way too long.

i also wanted to address the super sweet notes you wrote on your original ask that had me smiling like an absolute fool, btw!!!! so first off: THANK YOU AND IM SO GLAD YOU AGREE!!!!! listen, the canon dynamic between these two has always given me a very severe case of brain rot, and the ways in which that dynamic can be removed from canon and smacked into any au is just soooooo juicy. and while yes i do adore airhead spain with all my heart, i do see it as very reductive to his character and who he actually is. and this also kinda bleeds into answering this ask, so yay! two birds one stone!

my entire thing with these two is the fact that spain is, at his core, an empire. god, gold, glory. that was his whole thing, ruthlessly so. and while yes i do believe the nations dont personify their governments and instead represent the best of their people, it would be foolish to ignore what it means for spain (and antonio) to be the spanish empire, bloody, greedy, damned, troubled, all of it. and that bleeds a lot into how i imagine antonio to be!

antonio (and spain) will always carry a lot of guilt to me. he acts sweet and bubble and sunshiny, and i do think he genuinely is that way naturally, but a lot of it is also an attempt to distance himself from what he used to be, either from guilt, from wanting others to forget, or for whatever reason. who he is in current day is not who he was, but its still there and it is something he grapples with constantly. so, in the vein of my pirate au, antonio as a pirate is someone who is angry.

hes angry at the world, hes angry at his government, hes angry at the state of life for anyone who isnt wealthy and born into generational status, hes angry at the favoritism, at the restrictions, at everything. hes someone who wants freedom. spain as a character doesnt like to be restrained, hated his forced job of folding flowers, hated he couldnt do more when he was once so powerful (to the point where america even said anytime spain was near him hed try and hit him with his knees, so clearly he knows how to hold a grudge) and antonio would feel a lot of resentment to the state of the world as it exists around him but unable to change it—until he can

and lovino, who is angry but for so many other reasons. lovino, who is born into a gilded cage that he cant even touch, lovino, whose entire life was built around his younger (legitimate) brother who will one day inherit everything his grandfather passes on that lovino cannot have, even if they do love him, even if they do cherish him and give him an education and steady work and a comfortable life. but thats not enough, and why would it be? his name is worthless in this society. he barely exists outside of his small family, and whenever he's there, there is always the elephant in the room of none of this is mine, none of this will ever be mine. so yes hes angry, hes resentful, but hes also stuck. where can he go, realistically, when this is all hes ever known? and he loves his family. hes loyal, hes caring, he adores his family. he just also resents them because they are everything he can never be. (and i do throw seborga into the brothers. they are a trio to me and they always will be!)

so when they meet, when antonio sees this little angry brat with so much pent up aggression start barking insults at him in front of his own crew, how can he not be fascinated by that? and he sees someone wearing a shiny family crest of a prominent venetian family, and its so easy to him. take him, maybe teach him some respect, dump him in italy, get some money, and fuck off to the ocean again for the next prize.

and it would work if they both werent so fucking stupid at the same time. bc just like romano and spain, these two are two sides of the same dumb ass spectrum. angry and hopeful with different styles of attachment that fit just perfectly enough to make it feel clandestine. two people who could just so happen to understand where the other is coming from, with enough understanding to get it. and suddenly theyre not so different after all, are they, considering they both got screwed over in life, forced into roles they didnt want until someone gave them an out, until they give each other an out.

and then it becomes a lot less about stealing from the world and keeping it for themselves as it is giving each other the world, wealth and riches that belong to them and them alone, an open ear and willing hands and the understanding that antonio would rip the stars from the sky and temper raging oceans for lovino if he asked, hoping only for lovino to love him in return and choose to stay, to seek freedom and something different.

its entirely selfish and dangerous and doomed to fail from the start, which we as people in 2024 know, but its romantic in its desperation and honest in how actual real life pirates were furious with their lives and were entirely fucked over after the war of spanish succession, and while yes most of those pirates were english (and arthur is a big player in this story too, obvi), spain did have its fair share, esp in retaliation to what the english were doing to spanish treasure ships.

WOW that was a lot im so sorry for how long that is. i hope it is in some way understandable and not just rambling jibberish fghjkjh as for fic recs!!! babe how much time to do you bc i have like. thousands. ill start with my favorite few though, and maybe youll find something you like in them!

some are long, some are short, some are not as much romantic as they are doomed and haunted, and some are nauseatingly sweet, but its a range of stuff. let me know what you like and im sure i can tailor these more to your tastes!

in no particular order, some of my all time favs:

those who loved us all along by aalesundbren

the problem with being known by baybetime

the bocca della verità duology by nyoengland

ravish by ludwiggle73 (spamano isnt the main pair, its second to fruk, but its a good fic nonetheless)

underneath the gilded lights by kai_maciel (spamano is a very small part of this, its mainly centered around latam and portugal, but the parts they do have are cute and i love how spain is characterized. it has a second part with a few other spamano bits, if youre interested)

anything that champagnesly has ever written about spamano. one of my all time favorite authors, even if they havent been in the fandom in a very long time. their wine verse is a personal fav and i read it when i was younger and i still go back to read it now. same for oblivion, the blue hours, and tbh anything else spamano theyve ever written

we are all businessmen by soliloquium

tesoro mio by (they orphaned the fic, i do know who the author is but since its orphaned idk if they want me to say their name???? either way, great fic!)

more than attraction by whitetyger12

and finally, anything mareepysheepy has ever written for spamano, with a particular shout out to give and take

okay, thats all ill do for now. i have so many fic recs that ive accumulated over the years for this pairing, but hopefully you find something somewhere in this mess that you end up enjoying. sorry again for the wait and i hope this made up for it!!!!

you are a delight to my day and THANK YOU for allowing me to ramble endlessly about my stupid pirates