#he can tell you a lot about what sort of predatory monsters may be in the area based on the underwater landscape in that spot

[hal-o-ween]

A tough and serious man, the Fisherman seems to have a story for everything. The truthfulness of these stories notwithstanding, it makes him very fun to talk to. Whether it be about a long battle with a massive speartuna, or his tall tale of two fish, one silver and one gold, locked in eternal combat, he tells them with such conviction that you can't help but listen. He carries a harpoon-like insect glaive in case of monster encounters on the water, and his trusty kinsect Biter often helps him scout for good fishing spots or danger.

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

i’m taking a class on horror films through a queer lens and today we covered a theory called ‘infiltration anxiety’ and how secret societies are often stand-ins for queer people because “how are you supposed to tell who’s part of this hidden ‘other’ group when they look and act like everyone else?”

i think unsurprisingly this infiltration anxiety (and subsequent potential for queer reading) can be applied to s1 and s3 of hoa respectively— more so than s2 for obvious reasons.

in many horror films throughout history, the secret society preys on impressionable youths, whether to influence or harm them. this impact is most obvious in three student characters in hoa s1: joy, patricia, and jerome. oftentimes in horror films, these societies (often queer coded) target teens who are either loners or have missing parental figures. all of them are students at a boarding school so no parents, and while joy’s dad is present, he’s still a central point in the society.

and, as we know, secret societies are often queer coded. who are our main players in the s1 secret society/society adjacent group? victor, rufus, and mr. sweet. now, idk about y’all, but… do i have to say it? 💅🏻 okay, in case it’s not clear, these three characters in particular are queercoded in some way, shape, or form. at the very least they’re all bi. and they all prey on teenagers in some way, shape, or form— whether through gaslighting, grooming, or, more often than not in the case of the hoa adults, both. joy and patricia were essentially groomed and gaslit by the society and rufus respectively, and jerome was definitely exploited, which is a lot of what anti-gay propaganda claimed was happening to children because of the existence of secret society type groups in the mid-20th century.

(i want to be clear that especially in the horror genre, a lot of queer coding is inherently homophobic to get around the production code that was put in place to combat “perversion and depravity” in film, so while equating homosexuality with predatory behavior is obviously not good, it’s still filed under a “queer reading”)

now, in s3, it’s a more traditional sense of infiltration anxiety. this is applicable to a horror films like invasion of the body snatchers or in lots of vampire movies. there’s also the inclusion of a curing trope, but i’ll get back to that.

in s3b, the sinners (the name alone gives me enough fuel for a traditional horror queer theory reading, but i digress) operate as a sort of secret society in and of itself. my professor literally used the words “they walk among us” in reference to the pervasive fear in the 50s and 60s in america about both communists and queer people. and i don’t have to talk about how queercoded robert frobisher-smythe is, do i? i mean…

anyway, if we’re looking at this all as a metaphor, we once again get that homophobic read on infiltration anxiety. here’s a queercoded man/monster preying on children and recruiting them to also be queercoded monsters preying on children. it’s an old and potentially problematic trope if we look at it through horror film queer theory.

now, let’s look specifically at the dynamic between sibuna at this point, because they best represent the “discovery plot” often used in horror films that feature infiltration anxiety:

straight couple who discover a thing: obviously it’s the whole club who discovers that frobisher is on the hunt, but two of them are paired off so they count.

they are aware the thing is there and dangerous and they’re trying to convince other people of that: more specifically applicable to kt trying to convince sibuna that she’s been set up by patricia.

the couple (or group) is not believed until it’s too late: fabian learns the truth and immediately gets picked off

the female character in the couple is in danger from the thing (may also succumb to the threat): patricia (or arguably kt but in a different context)

the hero discovers the thing’s achilles heel and exploits the weakness to destroy the monster: eddie & co vs team evil smack down

If we look at this through a queer lens, particularly point four stands out, especially in the context of s3b and sinner!patricia’s behavior with kt and eddie separately. the female protagonist is in danger/harmed by the thing and has succumbed to its influence, thus infiltrating the good group. her behavior with kt is physical and obsessive, and as i’ve pointed out before… can be read homoerotically. on the flip side, her behavior with eddie is a pageantry of straightness— she is acting as the “perfect straight girl” should with her boyfriend, only to further her evil agenda.

the curing trope was often used in queercoded horror films to overcome the evil, aka curing the monster of its queerness. that might be a religious curing or it may be a straight curing, like in the nightmare on elm street sequel where freddy is defeated bc the girlfriend of the queercoded boy he possessed kisses him and he melts back into her boyfriend. ring any bells for s3?

once the evil (queerness) has been eradicated, everything returns to normal (heteronormativity)

both these s1/s3 instances of horror tropes are very interesting… and potentially products of a problematic production code chic

[con-fection]

ASHES TO ASHES | jim moriarty x reader | 6/13

word count: 3.4k 

It's strangely easy to get used to James Moriarty. Adapting to his needs is a necessity, and yet, you find that you barely have to change at all.

You slip into his routine fairly quickly. Despite your initial panic, and the feeling that the whole place was a prison, you're able to push that behind you. It's easy to become the person he demands of you, solely because that person is yourself.

There's no way for you to discern what this whole plan is leading up to, but for now, you've managed to gather a few pieces of the puzzle. They don't quite form a whole, unbroken image yet, but you can understand what they're going to comprise.

There is something that Moriarty has that he's very, very proud of. He's going to unveil it to the world, and you've been assured that every single major criminal is going to scramble to get their hands on it. This thing, whatever it may be, has a great deal of power, apparently.

Initially, you'd been inclined to believe that it was some sort of weapon of mass destruction. Moriarty had told you that it had the potential to be one, and you believed him. He was a great many things, and not many of them good, but you didn't think he was a liar. Not to you, anyway.

However, the more he talked about it, the more you began to suspect that this prized weapon over the masses was actually a farce. It was absolutely the kind of thing he would delight in, tricking everybody into competing for his attention. He never explicitly said it, but you did have an inkling that his 'weapon' was more of a party trick that would lead to destruction but not actually cause any on its own.

The second aspect that you were sure of was that something was going to happen to some kids. The thought of it alone churned your stomach, and his words about innocence remained emblazoned on the back of your eyelids, haunting you whenever you close your eyes. Thankfully, you had persuaded Moriarty not to kill them, but rather just to hurt them. Which would probably be very traumatising, and it did make you wince just thinking about it, but at least the kids would be sent to therapy rather than the morgue.

And somehow, despite all of this - the kidnapping, the being forced into his plans - there was a part of you that remained thankful to him.

Moriarty was a monster, there was no denying that. He liked to hurt others for his entertainment, and he ran a criminal enterprise, consulting with the worst offenders on the planet.

But, he had saved you. By now, Sherlock Holmes would have found you in your hotel room and you would be awaiting trial.

This wasn't freedom, but it was more than you'd ever had.

"Cinderella," You hear Moriarty's lilting irish voice call out, down the hallway from your bedroom. It's still early, you think, and unless you'd overslept, then he was coming to fetch you rather early.

You'd already been awake, though you were lounging around rather than actually doing anything, already dressed in some of the fine clothes from the wardrobe, just waiting for breakfast or a summons from the consulting criminal, which were usually delivered by one of his henchmen.

The door swings open - it doesn't even make a click, and you're left to speculate whether it had even been locked at all.

Moriarty saunters in, grinning. It's a habit of his, to dress impeccably - for today, he's donned a navy blue suit, probably Westwood, which you've discovered he's rather fond of. "Today, we're having an exercise in trust."

You look at him confusedly, not quite understanding. "Like... team bonding?"

"Oh, precisely. Since we're a team, and all."

"We're only a team because -"

Moriarty cuts you off jovially. "Because I kidnapped you and you joined me against your will. Yada yada yada. Yes, let's move passed that. 'S hardly relevant. C'mon, Cinderella. We have places to be."

"We're leaving the house?" You immediately perk up, jumping up and stalking towards him, simultaneously excited and predatory. You're willing to pounce on and devour any opportunity for freedom.

"Yes, yes we are. To get to know each other better."

---

Standing before your house, reduced to rubble, was not your idea of 'team bonding'. Even then, calling yourselves a team was probably an exaggeration. He had all of the power, and you just had to tag along for the ride.

You hadn't really ever anticipated seeing it again in person.

The entire place was blackened and crumbling. It's an overly nice day, the kind where the sky is blue and it's warm, but there's a gentle cool breeze that keeps you grounded. The entire street looks lovely, thriving in the warm weather, but this house, your home, was now a blight on the street, a dark contrast to how happy the rest of the world seemed. Verona's car had been removed, probably even destroyed by now, and there had been some minor clean up done in the garden, with lots of the loose, fallen tiles from the roof having been gathered up.

There's obnoxiously yellow crime scene tape everywhere, cordoning off the house and some of the surrounding areas.

It was just the shell of what it had once been.

It was different, seeing it in person. On the TV, it hadn't even seemed real - it was just another thing for you to celebrate. The last time you were here, it was burning. This ashen, blackened, warped skeleton of your childhood home is a potent reminder of how far you've come, of what you've sacrificed for a freedom you're struggling to obtain.

Moriarty nudges you. There's some of his men on the street, standing tall and stoic - ever silent and ever watching, their presence is likely to prevent you from attempting an escape. He's since put on some sunglasses and keeps pivoting his head slightly to look between you and the charred remains of your childhood home.

"Well...?" He asks, questioningly.

"I really, really don't see how this is meant to build trust." You say, rather numbly. It had felt a lot better when the place was still ablaze. Now that the Archer family were dead and their presence removed from the house, it almost feels like a shame that it had to burn at all.

Almost. But not quite.

It's still a monument to your power, to your ability to maim and destroy. You don't feel half as distant when you remember their suffering, the way that the girls had bled out like pigs when you slit their throats and nearly hacked their heads off.

"Mmh, maybe not yet. I just wanted to see what you had done." Moriarty admits with a shrug. "Look at all you've accomplished, and think how much we could do together."

"I don't want to burn the whole world." You tell him, for the first time looking away from the ashes of the house and up at him. "I want to rule it."

Moriarty grins wildly. "That's the spirit, Cinderella. I can give you the world, you know. All the freedom you want. You just have to stand at my side."

"Isn't that what I'm doing right now?"

"Well yes, it is."

The birds are still singing, chirping happily to one another and diving in the air, flapping their wings. It's rather comforting to know that it hasn't changed - that the parts you like have remained intact, even as you'd rained hellfire down upon this place. There wasn't such birdsong in London, and you had missed it.

"Why me?" You have to ask - you've asked so many times and you can never be satisfied with the answer.

"Sherlock was interested in you. At first, you were in my way. And now?" He raises an eyebrow at you. "Now you're the way forward, Cinderella."

It feels like you've come to some sort of pivotal moment. Here, under the sun and staring at the house you had burnt down, Moriarty doesn't feel so much like a captor. Rather, you're beginning to feel that comradery, that stirring of companionship. The two of you weren't exactly alike, no. But you didn't have to be.

"I'm not sorry I did it." You say, staring at the rubble that you had reduced your childhood home to.

"No, I know." He shrugs. "It'd be awfully boring if you were. Remorse is a bit ordinary, don't you think?"

You don't bother answering his questions. Rather, you close your eyes, and let yourself listen to the soft chirps, hoots and calls from the songbirds darting through the trees. When you're not looking at how damaged the house is, it's easy for you to imagine the hazy days of your youth - watching the birds with your mother, running around the garden whilst your father chased you.

"I'd missed the music, though." You admit. "London doesn't have such pretty songbirds. I always enjoyed waking up to them."

Silently, Jim absorbs the information. He's content to look between you, basking gloriously in the sun, bathed in light, and the destruction you had inflicted on those who sought to subdue you. Both were beautiful sights.

You didn't want to be a mirror image of James Moriarty, and you never would. That wasn't what he wanted, either.

Despite the armed guards behind you, you do, for the first time, feel free.

This isn't a scrap of impure, tainted freedom like back at the hotel. This is the real thing - this is feeling weightless, untethered.

There had been a great many variations of Cinderella written. You had admired them all. Perhaps in this version, Cinderella wasn't the only twisted one. Maybe she burns the house down, but she finds kinship in the prince anyway. Perhaps Prince Charming throws his ball to find victims, rather than wives.

That would be a happily ever after that you could enjoy. There could be no need for lies when you were capable of understanding each other completely. Depravity was a universal craving, and one you knew well, whether it was driven by desperation or not.

---

Today is a very important day, or so you have been told.

This is the day when these fragments of plots come to fruition. Moriarty's men mill about the mansion faster than usual, talking to each other in hushed, rapid voices when they would normally be silent. It very much sets you on edge.

When you enter Moriarty's study that morning, he's sat at his desk and he's not dressed the way he normally is. There's no striking blue Westwood suit or something similar. He's dressed casually - he's even wearing a hat.

You can't quite mask your confusion.

"Launch day, Cinderella." He clicks his tongue at you chidingly, like he's disappointed, or as if you even had the opportunity to forget.

"Yeah, I know." You bite out, annoyed that he would presume it could slip your mind. "Just... what are you wearing?"

You much prefer his pretentious luxury suits to this - a boring, beige blazer and a black cap. It just doesn't look like him. It doesn't look like Moriarty. It looks like a random civilian man that would probably ask you for directions around London. It peturbs you that he doesn't look quite like himself.

Then, you're subsequently even more distressed by your own distress.

You've rather established that you've come to view Moriarty as more of a partner or mentor figure than as a captor. Here is the most free you've ever felt, and you owe your freedom to him. Naively, you hadn't planned post-murder, and by now, you would have been caught.

Moriarty has become almost familiar, and you don't like seeing that familiarity vanish.

"I'm a tourist!" He proclaims, gesturing to his outfit. "Aw, don't you like it?"

"Well, no." You say, rather flatly. "It doesn't look like you."

Moriarty creeps up from behind his desk, stalking over to tower over you and look down at you, his dark eyes staring at you intensely. "It's not forever, Cinderella. Just for one night."

"And you're presenting the thing to the world like this?" You ask dubiously, once more running your eyes over him and trying not to wince. It just doesn't sit right seeing him dressed as something he's not - seeing him downplay himself and disguise as a regular person.

"I'll be wearing a crown when they catch me, don't you worry."

Involuntarily, your eyes widen and you're suddenly grasping at his shirt and looking up into his eyes beseechingly, desperate for answers. "You're going to get caught?" You sound aghast, disbelieving and you feel like you've been wronged - like this is a betrayal.

Moriarty scoffs, but he doesn't pry you from his body. Rather, he simply lets you cling to him. "Not for long. Today, I'm going to get caught stealing the crown jewels."

Your jaw drops open and you fist your hands into his shirt even tighter, pulling so hard you're practically chest-to-chest with each other - with Moriarty staring down at you and you gazing up at him. "The crown jewels."

"Then Pentonville Prison, and the Bank of England, too." He says, grinning.

Really, Moriarty's power and influence shouldn't shock you. He's got loads of people here on strings, following his orders and doing his bidding. They scurry about the mansion in a frenzy, completely obedient to him.

"And you're... going to get caught?"

Moriarty brings one of his hands up to stroke just the top of your head, playing with your hair comfortingly. "Not for long. I'll be out of there before you know it. In the meantime, you'll have jobs to do. Is that okay, Cinderella? You'll play along, won't you?" He croons softly.

"I will." You don't feel half as reluctant as you should.

"Good." Moriarty says, proudly. "That's what matters. You're more than welcome to visit me in jail, though I doubt I'll be there for very long."

There's a knock at the door, and that's when you realise just how close you and he are. Your hands are still fisted in his shirt, he's stroking your hair - and he's so devastatingly close, and there's a pang in your stomach but it's not pain, it's pure feeling.

The loud knocking persists, and reluctantly, you step away, dropping your hands from his body and missing the feel of his hand tangled in your hair.

"Come in, then." Moriarty calls out, looking darkly at the nameless employee of his that enters the study.

"Sir, it's time to go."

Moriarty casts you one last look, his dark eyes roaming over your body, seemingly trying to memorise you - like this moment is something he doesn't want to forget.

You've slotted into his life so well - you're a somewhat unwilling and ungrateful accomplice, but he still very much appreciates you despite that. He finds that, knowing he will be absent for potentially days at a time, he wants to emblazon the very image of you onto the back of his eyelids, so that you're always waiting for him in the darkness.

"Well, Cinderella. Until we meet again." He says, softly.

In the next instant, he's walking out, swiftly followed by his men, and you're left alone in his study, with more questions than answers.

---

There were a great, great many rooms in this mansion. Your time was often divided between your bedroom and Moriarty's study. But today, you were lounging around on some expensive white couch, watching TV intently.

You would constantly be changing news channels, waiting for the story to break. You had seen bits and pieces of dreary, repetitive soap operas, listened to fragments of sports shows, and even made your way through half a nature documentary before anything happened.

You would bite at your lip nervously, fiddle with your hands and pull on your hair. You were nervous, frighteningly so. Naturally, there were a few expected concerns flitting around your mind, like what happens to you if Moriarty actually does go to prison, or what would happen if something goes wrong, or what if he turns you in.

But, there are a few that you hadn't anticipated. There's a twisting, nauseating feeling in your stomach. It's like there's some terrible beast writhing around in your gut, eviscerating any organs it comes into contact with and leaving you a whimpering, anxious mess.

You are worried for him.  

And you're not just worried about what may happen to you - you're actually concerned for him. As much as Moriarty may be a murderer and a criminal, you're those things too, and he's the only person that you have to depend on.

There is nobody else in your life. Nobody but him.

Your parents are long since dead and buried, and the three members of your step-family slain by your own hands. You had come to London alone, friendless and without a plan. He had been the one to secure your freedom, to give you this.

And then, the news channels all practically explode.

" - there has been a break in at the Bank of England. Reportedly, the vault has opened, though how much, or if anything has been stolen remains unknown to us at this time."  

Hastily, you turn the channel over, constantly darting between news sources, hoping for any new information. All of their voices are blaring, and blurring together, but they're not saying what you want them to.

"We can officially report that prisoners at the Pentonville Prison have been - "

And most importantly,

"Following a series of break-ins that include places such as the Bank of England and Pentonville Prison, it has been reported that the Tower of London has been breached, and the Crown Jewels were removed. A suspect has been taken into custody."

"...all broken into by the same man! James Moriarty."

There it is. The news lady finishes her spiel, and the screen flashes up a video. You can't tell whether it's live or not, but it's Moriarty, and he's being arrested, thrown into the back of a police vehicle with his hands cuffed behind his back.

"Oh my god," You breathe, and you have to remind yourself that this is all part of the plan. Moriarty always intended for this to happen.

It does, however, feel awfully perturbing to see him like that. It's like he's tumbled from his pedestal, and been stripped of everything that made him unique. It's pitiful, seeing him cuffed and arrested like he's some common criminal. There is absolutely nothing common about Moriarty, and you doubt there ever has been.

So, this was his weapon. The ability to enter the Bank of England, Pentonville Prison, the Tower of London and who knows where else. If these places were vulnerable to his influence, then surely anywhere was. And that was probably the point. He was showing off - it didn't matter to him whether he was arrested or not.

There was probably a contingency plan for that, too.

This was all meant to happen - this was all part of his design, and you just had to trust in it.

Trust. Wasn't that a funny thing. You frown as you mull it over - trusting in him was probably a dangerous move, but he was the only person you have to trust in, and he had saved you from a fate much worse than this. You would have to believe in him - that everything would work out just fine.

Never in recent years had you been in a position where you had to depend on another person. You had always been the one flitting about, clearing up the mess, taking the abuse and festering in your own anger.

You should be the one in handcuffs - you would have been by now. But you're not, you're here, and Moriarty is the one imprisoned. Perhaps it is time to fight tooth and nail for the freedom of somebody other than yourself.

He would get out. One way or another, Jim Moriarty would make sure that he got free. After all, the game hadn't ended yet, and there were still plans to be fulfilled.

His absence was tangible in the house. There wasn't really anybody else around for you to interact with - his men certainly didn't care to, and you were rather awkward when it came to the realm of social interaction.

All that was left to do was wait, and trust.

[breadboylovin]

NEW POST FOR MY 95060 PLAYLIST!!! complete with explanations of every song choice under the cut because i love explaining my own creative decisions for some reason (PLEASE DO NOT FEEL COMPELLED TO READ ALL OF IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO ITS VERY LONG LOL). i may add a few songs here and there later on, or more likely rearrange what i've already put in slightly, but for now i consider it done.

alright now heres a look into my twisted mind

PART 1: TEMPTATION

Franz Ferdinand - Michael: It's a song about seducing someone named Michael. What more can I ask for (serious explanation is that it’s also very homosexually charged like you just have to listen to it… also feels taunting in a way where it’s like ‘oooooh you want me so bad’ and he’s RIGHT Michael DOES want him so bad). Also credit to this post for letting me know this song existed and inspiring me to make this playlist in the first place :-3

Mystery Skulls - Paralyzed: Just another song about how Michael is awestruck by David and feels compelled to follow him for whatever reason (the reason is that he wants him so bad)

TAEMIN - WANT: This is one of three Taemin songs on here because I think if David survived until present day he would fucking LOVE Taemin. Anyways this is a song about knowing you’re hot shit and everyone wants you and I think after seducing Michael through fucking?? Fatal motorcycle races and evil noodle mind tricks??? David deserves to feel that

Glass Animals - Gooey: OHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG… the vibes are impeccable on this one, Dave Bayley’s alluring voice feels like a slight remix of what David is going for and the way it feels like the singer is trying to convince the listener of something (even though it’s purposely vague) just FEELS like David with Michael. The line “I can’t take this place, I can’t take this place/I just need to go where I can get some space” especially fits when imagining how Michael is new to Santa Carla and may want a place to belong that David and the boys are happy to provide

TAEMIN - Impressionable: I see this as the moment that Michael downs the bottle of “wine”, where this song is David’s internal monologue reveling in how easy it was to charm Michael and get him to join. I always thought this sounded like a taunting villain song so it just fits. Also it’s like ridiculously horny which is a plus

PART 2: THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF

MGMT - Me and Michael: In my head this is directly after Michael drinks the “wine”, and if it were an actual song in the movie, it’d play instead of Cry Little Sister in that scene. I already made art related to this but I really just love the juxtaposition between something that Michael will later see as horrible (becoming a half-vampire) and David seeing it as a perfect slow-dance moment. Also “Me and Michael, it’s not a question now” because the blood drinking has now linked them together… mmmmm. Credit to this post again for making me find this song!!

ALI - DESPERADO: This one is less about David and Michael specifically and more about how the night in the cave went down for everyone there, starting with a soft slowness as they ate and then descending into chaos as Michael downs the wine and they celebrate a new addition to the pack. The bacchanal energy is off the charts

Dorian Electra - Man to Man: This song is just one that I attribute to all of the boys because I think they do a lot of homoerotic sparring. Also the part of the movie where Michael punches David in the face and David just goes >:-3 back at him

Chase Atlantic - Friends: I don't know what it is about this one but it just Hits… The chorus kinda sounds like David and the boys trying to convince Michael to stay with them instead of coming back to human society after drinking the blood, in the same sort of taunting manner that they had when David (presumably?) made Michael hallucinate the bike lights and sounds outside of his house

Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer: THIS SONG IS JUST REALLY GOOD. I don't know what it is about this one either… I guess the “Maybe I should hate you for this/Never really did ever quite get that far” part could represent the first glimpse of Michael’s more conflicted feelings about David. Also the second half of verse 2 not only fucks so hard but could also be indicative of Michael’s repressed gay feelings, lying to himself about how he wanted to be around David because he’s cool or whatever but he actually just has the hots for him and would let him do anything if he asked to

MGMT - Little Dark Age: Mostly here just for vibes. Have y’all seen that one edit set to this song? Yeah

The Neighborhood - Prey: I feel like this song captures the general unease that Michael feels right before he sees the boys kill for the first time, knowing that he’s probably turning into a vampire and something horrible is happening… especially with “Something is wrong, I feel like prey” just generally describing what it must feel like to be a human among vampires (though he’s not fully human anymore at this point)

PART 3: REALIZATION + FIGHTING BACK

TAEMIN - Criminal: YET ANOTHER TAEMIN SONG!!!! It’s all about realizing you're with someone who’s like, an evil manipulative villain and genuinely bad for you but you can’t escape just yet because you’re kinda into it. I don't think David is THAT bad of a guy, but Michael could be like “I need to get out of this situation because this man is a vampire but I feel attracted to him and it’s hard to really get away”. Also the line “My hands holding yours that stabbed me are not clean either” just HITS cus Michael hates David’s vampirism but HE’S a half-vampire now so it’s not like he’s innocent either. This is just a really good 95060 song AND a good song in general, listen to it even if you don't normally like K-pop cus it slaps

Glass Animals - Wyrd: This would be the moment where Michael snaps out of it and just starts running away, but to no avail, because he’s still a half-vampire (“You can’t run so you must hide” meaning that he can’t outrun his new monstrous nature, the best he can do is hide it until it eats him alive). Meanwhile David laments over how this is a stupid decision from his perspective (“So, my friend, our time is done/You and I could’ve had so much”)

Moonface - Minotaur Forgiving Theseus: This is a very veeeeery bitter song from Michael’s perspective about David being a vampire… with the “You’re just a hitman” repetition referencing how David. Y’know. Eats people. And the “I heard you're coming for me now” references both how David first approached him and the impending confrontation

The Neighborhood - The Beach: This song goes from the bitterness of the previous one to a pseudo-acceptance of the end of their brief friendship and what’s inevitably going to happen next. However, I think the bridge of the song illustrates the little bit of Michael that doesn’t want this to happen, that wants this relationship to somehow work out because he cares about David even if he is a vampire (unfortunately he ends up repressing this because he feels a duty to kill David now)

Gorillaz - Rhinestone Eyes: This is mostly in here because of the music video, the buildup to a battle just echoes in my head whenever I hear this song now. In the context of this playlist it makes me imagine David looking up at the Emerson’s house from the hotel (and Michael doing the opposite) knowing that something’s about to happen and it’s going to be horrible

Glass Animals - JDNT: This entire song feels like the climax of the movie. Verse 1 feels like the Emersons and Frogs getting ready to attack the cave (“I’m all armored up”) with “I feel that final poke” being when Marko gets staked, and the chorus right after is a tinge of regret that Michael feels once the plan starts to take shape. Verse 2 is the other boys waking up to see that Marko is dead + them dying themselves (“Where my funny friends gone?”) and the bridge is Michael and David’s fight before Michael finally gores David on the antlers. The outro of “You can’t breathe without me” VERY much feels like David taunting Michael from beyond the grave, knowing how much Michael loved him and how horrible what he’s just done is

PART 4: GRIEF

The Brazen Youth - Burn Slowly/I Love You: Ooooooghghgh the conflicted feelings about their relationship is STRONG in this one… The “Burn Slowly” part being him trying to convince himself that he did the right thing by killing David while the “I Love You” part is him realizing that he really did love David and it fucking hurts

Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us: MAN. MAN… Everything past “I can’t explain the state that I'm in” is just so… it’s Michael realizing what he had even more and just how much it hurts that he’s lost it. He knows he was in love now and it fucking hurts SO MUCH!!!!!

Sufjan Stevens - The Only Thing: [head in my fucking hands] Michael moping around Santa Carla because it feels empty without David. All the “should I tear my eyes out now?/Should I tear my heart out now?” parts oh my GOOOOOOOOD sufjan stevens i'm going to slap you on the head.

Paramore - Tell Me How: THIS SONG HURTS SO MUCH ITS SO. It’s another one about conflicting feelings so theoretically it should be earlier in the story but I always envision something very morbid when listening to this (and have now written a fic about it so check that out)… Michael going back to the hotel where he put David’s body and musing to no one, asking how he’s supposed to feel now, the “And always coming to your defenses” where Michael keeps defending David and their relationship to his family who all think David was a horrible monster… this song fucking hurts. Also I unintentionally drew a parallel between JDNT’s “You can’t breathe without me” and this song’s “Do I suffocate or let go?” and now that I’ve realized that it hurts even more. Fuck this song

[hailing-stars]

@febuwhump day three: imprisonment 

definitely not a lizard

Summary 

“I don’t understand why I have to be here, Mr. Stark,” said Peter, as Tony pulled the car into the school parking lot.

“Because this is entirely your fault.”

“I think entirely is a little unfair.” Peter took a glance back at Nessie, who snuggled with her pink stuffed bunny. She had gotten so big that she covered the entire front seat of the car. “I’m not the one who suggested Morgan bring her pet dinosaur for show and tell.”

“But you are the reason she has a pet dinosaur.”

“Don’t think enough blame is pinned on OsCorp for that one, actually.”

or

Peter ransacks an OsCorp lab for fun and finds Morgan a friend in the process.

OR

The origin story of the monster that lives in lake behind the Stark house.

Bits of broken glass crunched under Peter’s feet, and under his mask, he smiled, looking around at the OsCorp lab he’d just ransacked. Jameson was right. He was a menace, and it felt great.

Good, healthy destruction was soup for the soul, and nothing felt more soul-mending then laying waste to the place responsible for so much animal cruelty. After taking a few seconds to admire his handiwork, he turned to leave, but his eyes caught a cage with a small lizard locked inside.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” said Peter, striding across the lab, stepping on even more broken glass. “I’ll get you out there. Put you somewhere you can be free.”

He picked up the small cage, and Karen alerted him Tony had sent him a couple of text messages reminding him about Morgan’s birthday party, telling him to be late. That they wouldn’t be waiting for him to cut the cake.

It was a sinking realization. The remembering her birthday, and consequently, remembering he hadn’t remembered to buy her a present. Between Spider-Manning and school and friends and academic Decathlon, his life was filled with great distractions.

The lizard jumped around in the cage, and Peter got a brilliant idea. He only hoped Mr. Stark saw the genius of it.

*

Peter wasn’t late to the party, but him and the lizard were the last to arrive.

He parked his car behind Bucky’s motorcycle. He swung his door open, and unbuckled the passenger’s side seatbelt, freeing the cage from the strap keeping it safe from the bumpy ride out to the lake house.

He just hoped Ms. Lizard wasn’t too shaken up. He hoped she was ready to meet her new family.

As it turned out, her new family wasn’t quite ready to meet her. Tony’s head snapped in Peter’s direction as if he was the one with the extra sense for danger. His eyes narrowed in on the lizard cage tucked under Peter’s arm, and he marched through party guests scattered about the yard and towards him.

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s a lizard,” said Peter. He held out the cage, balancing it on the palms of his hands. “Isn’t she cool?”

“Please tell me,” said Mr. Stark, “that thing isn’t supposed to be Morgan’s present?”

Peter gasped, and moved the lizard away from him. “Mr. Stark, she isn’t a thing.”

“She’s not a present, either.”

“You and Pepper were just saying Morgan needs to learn about responsibility,” said Peter. “So really a pet is a perfect present.”

“No we weren’t,” said Tony. “We were saying you needed to learn about responsibility after you forgot to put gas in your car and we had to come save you on the side of the highway.”

“Well maybe if I had a pet lizard as a kid I’d remember to put gas in my car.”

“Oh, so it’s May’s fault?”

“No,” said Peter. “That’s not what I meant!”

Tony released a long, annoyed breath, and rubbed his temple. “Are you serious right now? With the lizard? Really couldn’t have thought of a less annoying birthday present?”

“It was sort of an impulse thing,” said Peter, and he explained to Tony about OsCorp. He explained the destruction of the animal testing lab, because he knew he would approve of that sort of inconvenience being bought upon Norman Osborn. “So you see, I couldn’t just leave her there in animal prison. She deserves a home.”

“Pete, not this home,” said Tony. “Find someone else to care for your friend, and get her out of sight before Morgan -”

An ear shattering scream filled the air. Party guests, made up of mostly old and new Avengers paused and cleared the path for Morgan Stark, who charged at them in her brand new ballet slippers.

“IS SHE MINE?”

“Uh, well -” said Peter, shuffling his feet around, feeling awful.

“I LOVE HER,” said Morgan. She put her knees in the dirt, and peered into the cage. The lizard stared back at her. “I’ve always wanted a lizard.”

“You have never once said you want a lizard,” said Tony.

“Well I didn’t know I wanted one until I had one,” she told him, with a tone that suggested it was very obvious.

Tony closed his eyes. “Fine. You may keep the stupid reptile, but you’ve both responsible for keeping it fed and the cage clean, got it?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Tony walked away, and Peter popped the lid to the cage open, so Morgan could get a closer look at her new pet.

*

Two weeks passed, and Nessie no longer fit in the glass cage Peter had lifted from OsCorp. That was okay, according to Morgan, because Nessie liked sleeping at the end of her bed way more than cold, smooth glass, anyway.

According to Tony, it was a nightmare. He was terrified of the strange noises Nessie hissed at him every morning when he tried to wake Morgan up for school.

Peter sat at the kitchen table, minding his own business and eating cereal in a sleepy fog, when Tony stormed into the kitchen waving his bloody finger around.

“That’s it,” said Tony. He twisted the facet, and ran steamy water over the bite marks. “I’m calling Bruce. That thing definitely isn’t a lizard.”

“Maybe Nessie hates you because you keep calling her a thing,” said Peter, with a mouth full of cereal.

Tony grumbled and poured peroxide over his hand.

Later, Bruce showed up with a homemade DNA testing kit and a whole lot of questions.

“...you really thought it was a good idea to let Peter and Morgan keep an unknown species from OsCorp?”

“It was kind of an impulse thing,” gritted Tony, glaring at Peter, who patted Nessie’s head, distracting her from Bruce poking her scaly skin and drawing her blood.

Bruce worked fast, and it felt like hardly any time at all had passed before he was scratching his head, staring at the results in disbelief.

“I think… I think Nessie’s a dinosaur.”

“Oh great,” said Tony. “OsCorp is genetically engineering dinosaurs. Just what we need.”

“Has Norman never watched Jurassic Park?” asked Peter, with a frown. “He really should… it’s a great film.”

“Of course he’s seen Jurassic Park. He’s just too stupid not to take it’s warning and not put dangerous beasts on our planet.”

“I don’t think Nessie’s dangerous,” said Bruce. “She’s definitely from the prehistoric age, genetically, but she lacks any predatory instinct. Looks like OsCorp has successfully domesticated dinosaurs.”

“Leave it to Osborn to create completely boring dinosaurs,” said Tony. He held up his now bandaged finger. “If she’s not dangerous, why did she bite me?”

“Have you considered she just doesn’t like you?”

Tony growled, Nessie hissed more of her baby dinosaur roars, and Peter pet her, calming her down and marveling at how awesome it was to have a dinosaur running around the lake house.

“Dr. Banner,” said Peter. “If they can make dinosaurs, do you think they could engineer, like, a Pikachu?”

“A what?”

“You know, Pokemon?”

Bruce continued looking confused, and Tony continued looking like he was in great, neverending pain.

*

“I don’t understand why I have to be here, Mr. Stark,” said Peter, as Tony pulled the car into the school parking lot.

“Because this is entirely your fault.”

“I think entirely is a little unfair.” Peter took a glance back at Nessie, who snuggled with her pink stuffed bunny. She had gotten so big that she covered the entire front seat of the car. “I’m not the one who suggested Morgan bring her pet dinosaur for show and tell.”

“But you are the reason she has a pet dinosaur.”

“Don’t think enough blame is pinned on OsCorp for that one, actually.”

Tony parked the car, and grabbed Nessie’s leash from the dashboard. He managed to click it around her collar without losing an arm, or getting his hand bitten. They were working on their relationship, and in Peter’s opinion it was going pretty well, as long as Tony remembered to feed her hamburgers every once in a while.

It was a slow walk to the school’s entrance. Nessie was a faster swimmer than walker, and Peter often wondered if she wouldn’t be happier living in the lake.

“Okay,” said Tony. “You’re gonna have to carry her. I can’t take walking at this snail pace.”

“Why do I gotta carry her?”

Tony looked at Peter like he was dense. “Because I would break my back, super-genius.”

“Fine, fine,” said Peter, scooping Nessie up in his arms. She licked his face in appreciation.

They got looks from everyone who spotted them in the hallway, as they marched towards Morgan’s classroom. Once they got there, it was impossible for Morgan’s classmates to focus on anything else besides the dinosaur, so they got to start show-and-tell right away.

Peter stood next to Tony and Morgan up at the front of the class, dozens of tiny eyes staring at him. He handed the end of Nessie’s leash to Morgan, and she plopped down in front of her feet.

“This is my pet dinosaur -” started Morgan, only for Tony to cut her off with a series of loud coughs and a correction.

“Reptile,” he said. “Dinosaur’s just a family joke. They definitely don’t exist anymore.”  

“Uh, Mr. Stark,” said Mrs. Presley. “What kind of reptile is Nessie, exactly?”

“A big one,” he answered, then urged Morgan to continue.

“Nessie likes bubble baths,” she said.

Peter could tell from the look on Tony’s face that he was having flashbacks from the time he’d walked into the bathroom and saw him and Morgan with a giant bubble gun, and Nessie in the tub filled with even more bubbles, snapping her jaws at the flying ones.

“And cheeseburgers,” she continued. “My big brother Peter rescued her from that mean green guy -”

“-the pet store owner!” Peter injected. “He was, umm, wearing a green polo, and kept her in a tiny cage.”

“Yeah, they were so mean to Nessie,” said Morgan. “Always poking her with needles and keeping her locked up, but then Peter got her for me for my birthday, and now we have lots of fun, even if it stresses my dad out sometimes.”

Morgan finished her speech, and Mrs. Presley whispered to Tony, asking him if it were safe for the children to pet the creature she was still convinced was something more than a reptile. He nodded. The children lined up, and after they each had a turn, Tony and Peter left with Nessie, once again, locked in Peter’s arms.

“I think it went well,” said Peter, once they were in the car. In the backseat, Nessie took a bite out of her pink bunny. “Maybe we should stop for burgers on the way home.”

*

Eventually, Nessie moved out of the house.

It happened over time, as she grew larger and larger, and became way too big to sleep on the end of Morgan’s bed. She grew so massive, Morgan understood it’d be cruel to keep her locked up in the house, especially when they had a perfectly good lake in the backyard.

So the lake became Nessie’s home, but it wasn’t like she didn’t come back to visit. She showed up, emerging from the lake to scare the hell out of Happy, on the occasions of family barbecue, enticed by the smells coming off the grill.

She showed up for Morgan on summer days, when her and Peter swam in the lake despite Tony’s concerns about flesh eating bacteria.

“You worry too much, Mr. Stark,” Peter would tell him.

And Tony would tell him that was impossible. It was a parent’s job to worry, and it would never quite be enough.

When the house got quiet, when Morgan aged out of the part of her life when her family was her entire world, and when Peter became busy with college and Spider-Man nonsense, Tony worried more.

Some nights he found himself wandering outside, firing up the grill, and throwing a few burgers for himself, and for Nessie, who could always be counted on to rise up out of the lake for a good burger.

As the sun set, casting an orangish glow over the lake,  he threw a burger out to Nessie and she ate with a snap of her jaw.

“You know,” Tony told her. “You’re not half bad, Ness.”

She walked towards him, and before Tony could react, licked him. Her giant, reptile tongue left dinosaur slavia and small bits of hamburger on his face and clothes.

“Really,” he said. “Just when we were starting to get along.”

Nessie put her head to the sky, and roared at the disappearing sun. Tony could only hope the neighbors wouldn’t hear her.

[realm-sweet-realm]

The death and rebirth of Susie Campbell

Alright, you asked for this and I’m glad there was an interest. Contact me if you think it needs a trigger warning and I’ll add one.

---

April 20th, 1941.

Susie stared at the door to Joey Drew's office. This was it. She'd spent all morning going through scenarios in her head as to why Joey had called her here.

She was getting laid off, surely. Joey Drew had little in the way of voice work for her now that she couldn't play Alice anymore, so he was going to lay her off. Adding to that the little accident she'd caused with Bendy a week ago, it seemed like that was the most likely reason.

At least, it would have been, if he hadn't called her in at 11:30. He'd done that a bunch of times over the past eight months, and it was always for the same reason: to take her out for lunch, then give her the afternoon off to head to his house and into his bed. She'd convinced herself that there was no problem with it. Sammy wanted to wait until marriage, and, well... well, Susie couldn't quite find a justification that didn't make her out to be a monster. She didn't know why she always fell for his charms, and eventually she stopped even planning to resist. Joey made her feel like the most desired girl in the world, and she just never knew how to say no.

And she always wanted there to be a next time, even if she wouldn't always admit it to herself. She remembered the first time it happened, he'd called her to his office and apologized the next day. He even called her Ms. Campbell- a show of distance and respect. He'd called their affair inappropriate, and an abuse of his power over her. Then, as she was leaving, he'd said, "And Alice?" She'd turned around. "I'll see you around." He'd had a vaguely predatory look on those electrically, intensely blue eyes of his, and it made her heart race. Susie liked it. Since, she'd always paid attention to what he called her: Ms. Campbell (I'm hanging my head, keeping my distance), Susie (we've forgotten last time, right?), or Alice (I'm coming for you). It was fun. Was he all torn up about it, or was he just keeping her on her toes?

The thought of all that made her teeth grind. Thankfully, he'd been smart enough not to do anything of the sort in the last three weeks. He'd be the most tactless man in existence to try such a thing after taking her role away without even telling her to her face. She, however, had tried such a thing. She'd taken him out drinking, gotten him nice and drunk, and asked him: "why did you start pursuing me?" His answer?

He'd just been diagnosed with post-polio disease. He felt powerless. And then he saw a tiny woman, pretty, barely over half his age, under his employment, and in a relationship. He saw a way to feel powerful again. And Alice (he'd called her "Alice" while drunk. She'd taken notice) had just folded like putty in his hands. A little flattery and a little charm was all it took. He did it once on impulse and thought he could leave it at that, but he was wrong.

Susie had left him right then and there and taken a cab home. Needless to say, there was plenty of screaming that night. She wasn't sure Joey even remembered his confession the next morning.

One thing was for sure, though: whether Joey called her Ms. Campbell, Susie, or even Alice today, she was going to summon her inner Alice and take it with grace. If he wanted lunch, she'd slap him. If he wanted to fire her, she'd accept it without a fuss. She'd never show him tears. Never.

Alright, she thought to herself, time to do this. She briskly opened the door and took a seat across from her boss, meeting his eyes with a blank stare on her face. Joey was giving her a warm smile.

"I know how much that part means to you, Susie," he began. Good, her neutral name. "Alice means a lot to me, too. All my characters do! In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I, too, really believe my characters are more than just drawings. They’re alive. They’re a part of us. And I want people to know them as well as I do. I want people to be able to shake their hand, spend an afternoon with em’. Love them. Susie, I’ll be straight with you. I’m putting together a small project… a little ceremony. If it works, a lot of dreams will come true. And I want you to be a part of it. I want you to bring Alice to life once again. What do you say?"

"Ceremony? Well, I- can Sammy come with me?" Susie had no idea what this "ceremony" business could mean, but first and foremost, she wanted to make sure there was nothing lewd about it.

"Why, yes. In fact, he's already coming."

So it wasn't about getting her undressed. This was real- she was going to be Alice again! Susie's heart fluttered at the thought. "Perfect! I won't miss it for the world!" she sang. She got up to leave.

Then, a thought came to her. "Wait," her voice turned cold as steel. "Why me? Why aren't you giving this to Ms. Pendle? I thought you wanted her to be Alice!" Susie grit her teeth and glared at him.

Joey reached over and lifted her chin. "Susie, look at me. All I want Allison to do is stay cooped up in that recording booth. I want that because I have bigger plans for you. You're a better Alice than she ever was, and after this ceremony? Well! Not only are you going to be remembered as the face of Alice Angel for years- no, decades- you'll make her character more famous than you could ever imagine! Someone has to voice her, but you... my real Alice? You'll be her."

Susie could practically feel herself tearing up. "Thank you. I'll do it. Come Hell or high water, I'll be there.

"Good. Sammy will pick you up at 7:15."

---

"So, what is the ceremony going to be like?"

Sammy knew that the ritual was for the best, but looking upon his girlfriend, he couldn't help but feel guilty. "Well, sweetheart, it won't be pleasant," he warned.

"Oh, I don't even care!" she said dreamily, draping herself over him in the back seat of the taxi. "I'm so happy. I'd been agonizing for weeks, hatin' him because I thought he replaced me. But it turns out I'm his favourite after all!" she chirped, adding in, "I'm Alice Angel!" in a sing-song voice.

Sammy smiled. It was good to see Susie so happy. It always was, but especially since she'd been so bad-tempered lately. They really were like twins: two essentially happy people with serious bad sides (hers, admittedly, harder to arouse but harder to live with). That was good: it meant they knew how to handle each other. "Well, that's good. Now, listen. This is going to change more than you think, but I promise, it's gonna be what's best for you. It's going to make you and a lot of other people happy. I can explain the whole thing afterward. Oh, and here we are."

Sammy could feel Susie's nervous anticipation as they entered the building, but it was clearly a pleasant anticipation nonetheless. He led her to a small, empty room, where they met Joey Drew. He smiled warmly. "Good evening to you two! So, Susie, are you ready for our ritual tonight?"

Wanting to look independent, she let go of Sammy's hand. "Yes," she said with confidence.

"Step one, put on this blindfold." He handed her a white piece of cloth. Susie obeyed without hesitation. Joey struck out his fist, allowing it to end up inches from Susie's nose. She did not flinch. Satisfied that she was blinded, he turned to Sammy. "She's ready. Guide her down to the special room with me, alright?"

Sammy nodded. They traveled down to the giant ink machine and went inside of it, finally arriving at a room containing four glass pillars. One of them had a pentagram drawn before it. This did not surprise Sammy: he'd helped draw it. He even knew what kind of pentagram it was. Unlike a revival pentagram, which with a demon's help could revive the dead, or sacrificial pentagram, which sent the slaughtered straight to the Gods, this was a binding pentagram. Joey Drew retrieved a bottle filled with liquid and containing a rag from a cabinet kept on the side of the room. "Alright, Susie," Sammy began. They'd decided ahead of time that he should be the one to guide her through this step. It would be the most difficult part for her. "We're going to put a cloth over your face. All we need you to do now is to breathe in, alright?"

"But why?"

What Sammy supposed to do? Lie to her? "Susie, it's hard to explain. But just trust me that it won't be painful in any way. I promise. Ready?"

Joey put the rag over her face. Susie collapsed, and he caught her and lowered her to the ground.

"Joey! She hadn't agreed yet!"

"Oh, my bad."

"Damn right, your bad. I'm not doing this to her without her consent. We're waiting until she wakes up to try again."

"Consent? She already agreed to this! You were just asking if she was ready. And if we wait until she wakes up, then she'll know that we're using chloroform on her. Come on, let's just get this done."

Sammy hesitated. Then, he gathered up all 95 pounds of his girlfriend and carried her over to the pentagram. She'd agreed to this earlier. This wasn't wrong. Joey took a razor-sharp blade and a strange, hand mirror-shaped object out of the cabinet. Sammy got the paper with his lines out of his pocket. "Ancient Gods of the world, I summon you. Bind the soul of this sacrifice to the ink. May you reign eternal, amen." He repeated the lines over and over as Joey approached Susie with the knife. Elsewhere in the studio, two carefully tended shrines were glowing.

Then, Susie stirred, subtly at first, then violently. Joey wasn't sure what to do and simply put a hand on Susie's chest, centering his weight over her so she couldn't get up. "What's going on?" she asked, her voice raised in panic. Sammy was stuck chanting. If he stopped mid-ritual, God knows what could happen- spells like this were finicky and dangerous. Susie's cries for help made it a serious test of willpower. Joey looked over to his grimacing friend and began to recite the lines with him. Glad to be able to stop, Sammy went over to his girlfriend and cupped one hand around her face.

"Sh... it's okay. It's gonna be okay. This is only gonna hurt a moment, alright?"

"What's going on, Sammy?"

"Normal procedure. Everything is according to plan. This going to hurt, but only for a bit."

The thought occurred to Sammy that rituals probably weren't meant to be this time consuming. Could something as simple as that disrupt the spell? He didn’t want to find out. He nodded to Joey. Susie tried to say something, but Joey began to slit her throat before she could speak. Her cries turned into gurgles as the blade sliced ear to ear. She took over a minute to faint from panic. Joey got out the seeing tool and held it up. By now, his voice was shaking as he recited the lines. It was only his second time murdering someone, and hadn't gone cleanly. Sammy was so distressed that he wasn't sure he could take over for him. It took several minutes for her to bleed out. When she did, her soul escaped, and, watching its movement through the seeing tool, Joey caught it. He pressed his palm against the glass tube. "Ancient Gods of the world, I summon you now," he said. Ink flooded the tube.

The two men stood in silence for several minutes. Once the shock of the situation wore off a bit, Sammy spoke up. "That. Was an unmitigated disaster!"

"Yes. Next time, I'll make the chloroform five times as strong, and we won't waste time arguing," Joey said blithely. Then, he noticed how upset Sammy looked and realized he ought to show some empathy. "You alright? I'm sure Susie will be ecstatic."

"Sure. I'm fine," Sammy answered, sounding not at all fine. "Does it get easier, Joey? Killing?"

"Well, I can only speak for myself, but this one was actually a lot harder for me. The last one I just knocked out with a paperweight and had his throat slit in not even a minute. It was almost... fun."

Sammy hoped it didn't become 'fun' for him, or Wally Franks would be dead eight times over. A lot of other people, too. He glanced at Susie's corpse and felt like he was staring into the abyss of what he could become. "Well, let's go to the ink nozzle. She'll be coming out soon," Sammy said.

When she did, however, all that came out of the ink machine was a shapeless blob of ink. It fell to the ground with a plop and began writhing, attempting to figure out how to move. It emitted a cry like a baby. Sammy gasped. Joey was first to speak. "Don't worry. I'll figure this out. She won't look like that for long. Just help her back onto the pentagram, Sammy."

Sammy gathered the slug-like ink creature up in his arms like a baby. It-she, he supposed- was heavy, cold, wet, and ugly, and he could feel cold ink running down his shirt, but by now the situation had put him in such a daze that very little could have upset him. Walking back to the room with the pedestals, he looked down blankly at what was supposedly Susie, and gave her his best attempt at a comforting smile. Once he was back at the pentagram, he plopped down with the creature on his lap.

"Done!" Joey called from the other room about a minute later. "Twist in the film, is all. This time, I promise it'll work!"

Sammy got up, moved Susie's corpse, and gently lowered the creature onto the pentagram. "Sorry about this," he said, before repeating the process as before: the chanting, the throat-slitting, the capture and use of the soul. He then went back to the ink machine and held his breath that Susie would turn out alright this time. In minutes that felt like hours, the slender figure of a woman appeared from the machine, panting and shaking. She looked at her hands, felt all over her body, then turned to Sammy with a shocked, ash-grey face. "Sammy, what happened!?" she cried as tears began to fall from her eyes.

[roseamongroses]

W.A.L: “We Won’t Eat Our Words (they don’t taste so good),” (16)

s u m m a r y: 

Eden was the lowest of the low, a monster, hardly human, and was set to be executed. Roman was on trial, perpetually stuck in time until it was time to atone for his families sins.

Neither cared much for staying trapped.

So when a Stranger offered freedom, offered peace, offered power, it was hard to say no.

Even if it put them on the wrong side of history.

v i b e s :

time is irrelevent, homophobia who?, magic and beasts, demigods

w a r n i n g s

 Imprisonment, Mentions of execution, Blood/ injuries,  Mentions of past Death, minor character death/suicide,  repression, cursing,

c h a r a c t e r s

 Deceit(Eden) Sanders, Remy Sanders, Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders, Emile Picani

Ship: Roceit

1) (2)   (3)  (4) (5)

(6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

(12) (13) (14) (15)

It’s a closet.

A glorified closet, so Deceit honestly doesn’t know what to tell you about it other then it's dark, it's cramped, and that Logan is insistent that they absolutely cannot eavesdrop on Dr. Picani and Lazy Cow and instead must stew in this dark, did he mention cramp closet?

Deceit was reaching the point of boredom where he was tempted, ever so slightly to just leave and keep walking. He felt that impulse as well as the impulse to get nostalgic because Deceit had been shoved into a lot of closets for a lot of reasons. Some not good, some...more enjoyable, but most a tantalizing mixture of both.

Before he could indulge, the door abruptly opened, light streaking inside. Dr. Picani was a stark shadow looming above them. He seemed to have aged several years within the past few minutes, but his expression was the same pleasant, not quite a smile, not quite a frown so that anyone else wouldn’t have noticed a change if they were under the assumption that Dr. Emile Picani was a pleasant person. But Deceit didn’t think many people were pleasant, himself included, so he assumed the worst and didn’t question it further.

“Oh,” Dr. Picani said, but not to them, “You didn’t turn on the lights,” he said, snapping and like that, Deceit felt exposed, one by one candle on either side of a long aisle lit up, seemingly forever.

Dr. Picani didn’t step inside, “Take as long as you want, but know that I’ll be busy if anything arises,” He handed them a phone, “Use this if you have an emergency, but only if you have an emergency,” He handed the phone to Logan, not even waiting for protests or goodbyes, it felt familiar.

He was gone leaving the three of them in this long corridor, light flickering gently, beckoning them forward into the stretch of darkness.

---

“Back so soon?” The Stranger asked from the floor. Their dark hair spilled over his shoulders, long, much longer then it had been when he first came here. His clothes hung loosely from their now gaunt form, their blue eye focused on the unending white space above.

Emile clicked his pen, “I’m here for your evaluation,” he said.

“Sure you are, “ The Stranger batted his eyes, lips curled, predatory.

Emile ignored them, not even a glance up from their clipboard, “He died.”

The Stranger faltered, “He resigned?” he asked.

“Yes,” he said, “He found out about Dot and I guess he...I don’t know what he thought was going to happen. But I certainly didn’t stop him, it was his right.”

“It was his--” The Stranger scowled, “Why are you justifying this, the hell is wrong with you?" he hissed, standing all at once, “Did you even try to stop him? Did you even try to console him or did you just sit there like a fucking bitch on a leash again--”

“Oh, you’re trying to lord over me,” Emile sneered, “You use her, you’ve used him, every step of the way and you dare to say I don’t care,” He glanced down at his clipboard surprised, ink running as tears ran hot down his face, “She wouldn’t have been in the situation if you’d just… just,” he wiped his eyes, “Leave it be. Whatever you were planning, let’s just leave it behind.” he choked, running his hands in his hair, “Let’s --Let’s,” he stumbled forward and the Strange caught him, surprised.

“Emile?” The Stranger, wrapped his arms around their shoulders, feeling them shake, “Emile, you’re not making any sense, it’s too late for any of that...”

Emile looked up and The Stranger’s breath caught. His hair was messy, their face all blotchy and glasses askew, they were like a little kid, “I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I don’t want to fight anymore I don’t know what I, what I...”

“Darling, how exactly do you plan to get us out of this then,” The Stranger reasoned, smoothing their bangs back with soft touches, “It won’t last, we never do--”

Emile kissed the Stranger, hard, desperate like how the Stranger’s kissed him so many times before. And the Stranger kissed back. He ached, as Emile’s hands cupped his face, tugged his body as if trying to get him closer as if for the first time he was trying.

“Em, ” The Stranger felt his back hit some sort of wall, and he groaned feeling Emile press into him again, “Oh, that’s one way to say you're happy to see me,”

Emile laughed between his hiccups, hands gripping The Stranger’s hips as he rested his head in the crook of their neck, “Mm, “ he hummed, “Something like that.”

“Y’know, what you said about me…” The Stranger swallowed, “ About me being no better than you, about how I used them…”

The Stranger could feel them frown against his skin, “You know I didn’t mean it,” Emile promised, it was so strange to hear him be the one to promise such things. It’s been so long, too long.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” The Stranger reassured them, because after so many messy breakups, and messier arguments they said a lot of untruthful things about each other, “But I mean it when I say, I did use him,” he admitted, fingers tracing careful arcs in Emile’s chest, eyes bright, “The Old Man tried so hard to prove that I was worth something, but I did use him. And I would’ve done it again,”

“That’s not true…” Emile’s words were disconnected, his mouth like cotton as he looked up to meet the Stranger’s eyes, so desperate, so pleading, so...vulnerable.

“I mean it,” The Stranger said cooly, “I used Dot, but she knows that she’s fine with that--and,” he did not stutter, “I love you, you know that? I loved you for so long, but--”

“But? What are you--” Emile’s eyes grew wide as he tried to move away, to let go, but his body remained firmly in place, holding the Stranger so gentle as the Stranger’s soft touches grew cold.

“I love you, Emile,” The Stranger repeated as if it’d change it all, as if years from now they’ll laugh at this and it would be fine because he did love Emile and some time ago Emile may have loved him just as much, “But we we're never meant to last, I’m building something that will last.”

Emile’s eyes flickered with recognition, feeling the all-too-familiar probing of his mind sneak up on him all at once, “No-no-no, you can’t,” He pleaded, “why can’t we leave it--”

“Elliot.” The Stranger’s command was sharp.

And Emile, his team-mate, his jailer, his stubborn lover who was all too persistent and steadfast in all the wrong things, was out like a light.

---

It was a long trek into the darkness, the candles providing little light and even less warmth as they walked down the corridor. Virgil first, who navigated easily, his many eyes dilated, flickering at every shadow and noise. Then it was Deceit because it would be foolish not to keep an eye on him, and then Logan, the one keeping an eye on him.

“Does this go on forever,” Virgil complained.

“Are your legs bothering you?” Logan asked, and Deceit groaned. They were doing the thing where they talk through Deceit as if that makes their relationship any less awkward.

“No it's my-I didn’t say that,” Virgil sniffed, catching himself again, though Deceit could tell he was getting slower or at least he was more distracted. Still, whether that was attributed to fatigue was anybody's bet.

“If you didn’t want a response, you shouldn’t have said anything,” Logan replied.

Virgil spun around at that, now walking backwards, “How do you know I was talking to you, huh?” he said, face pinched, “I could’ve been talking to the snake-fucker for all you know.”

Logan sighed, “Were you, Virgil?”

Virgil snorted, “Of course not--Shit-” As he spun back around he slammed into a wall, Deceit slammed into him, and Logan slammed into Deceit.

“What was that…” Virgil groaned, staggering to their feet.

“A wall,” Deceit drawled, eyes flickering over the heavily carved wall.

“I think he means,” Logan stood up, readjusting their glasses, “What does it mean,” Deceit rolled his eyes, “It looks ancient, Alesener maybe.”

“Oh great, “ Virgil sighed, “It's not like they stopped teaching Alesener, years ago.”

“I’m sure there’s another way,” Logan said, inspecting the carvings, frown growing deeper, “Maybe I can pull up a translator,”

“On ancient Alesner?” Virgil's nose curled, hands tracing the markings, “Sure.”

“Well I don’t see you having any ideas--”

“It's a riddle.” Deceit cut in. Normally he’d just, let them figure it out and play dumb, but he didn’t want to stay here in a children’s maze with these two bickering.

“A riddle,” Virgil echoed lamely.

“A riddle.” Deceit confirmed glancing at the wall again, mostly for show.

Wall carvings were a common form of decoration in the Alesener village, but they were usually nonsense since the art was less in the meaning and more in the elegance the words form. Dot, however, seems to enjoy both. Her walls were littered with puns and riddles, all of which seemed profound at first, but after the extensive translation was more often than not children’s puns at best or dirty jokes at worst.

“How would you know that?” Logan asked, but in a tone that sounded more like a demand than anything.

“Yeah, you're not exactly a scholar,” Virgil said with a skeptical look.

“Like it's any of your business,” Deceit scoffed, before thoughtfully scanning the riddle again, “What I’m getting is that we need a map and the map is most likely…” Deceit frowned, “The truth?”

“Ah, it’s that type of maze,” Logan nodded as if that made perfect sense, “To enter each new part of the maze, someone in the group needs to admit a truth, the stronger the truth, the faster we get out of the maze.” he recited without faltering, “Usually it's harder then you realize to tell a perfect truth, so we have to be careful, these usually have some sort of...difficulty increase if someone lies.”

“Difficulty?” Deceit eyed the wall cautiously as if it’ll burn.

“Monster’s perhaps,” Logan shrugged, “Or it might make it harder to get out.”

“Fantastic,” Virgil sighed, “So how do we, y’ know, get goin’?”

“Easy,” Logan approached the wall, raising a hand and pressing it in the center of the deep markings, “I am an Apprentice,” he said and at first nothing happened.

Then there was the groaning, the stone wall scraping, inch by inch open, before revealing two pathways. Logan stepped forward, and the others followed.

If they had looked behind them, they would have seen the candles flicker behind them, getting taller, their golden flames unruly and leaving puddles in their wake. And once the wall shut again the dancing flames went out all at once.

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Emotional Encounters

Of all the possible sights Akoya thought he’d see as he strolled down the street, Zaou Ryuu half-slumped against a wall, staring down at his phone wearing one of the most dejected expressions he’d ever seen in his life wasn’t one of them.

Akoya’s first thought was that Zaou just didn’t look right with that sort of look on his face. His second was that whatever had caused this expression might well be useful for their plans. There was always room for a new monster, in his opinion, and if it were all that distressing, then surely it would be useful.

His third thought was a little different – a flicker of curiosity to know what could possibly have dejected Zaou this much. The other teenager didn’t seem to know how to be sad for more than three consecutive seconds, and Akoya wanted to know what had done it. He told himself it was because if anyone should do this to Zaou, it should be him and if someone else were doing it, then he wanted to know who and why.

He strolled over; Zaou didn’t seem to have noticed anything as he put his phone away and looked ready to head off on wherever he’d been when he got what the bad news was. Akoya didn’t let him get away.

“Dare I ask what’s so upsetting?” Akoya said by way of greeting. The moment that he spoke, the sad expression vanished off of Zaou’s face, replaced by a hollow grin.

Akoya could identity a false expression from half a street away. He made them himself often enough, and he found now that he didn’t like them when they were turned towards him, especially when Zaou spoke with equally hollow, if vibrant, words.

“You shouldn’t have to. You did just walk up, after all,” Zaou taunted. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you rode in that fancy car of yours all the time.”

Akoya waved one hand. “if I choose to take a walk, I’m certainly allowed to do so. Now you tell me the real answer. It isn’t as if you’re capable of lying to me.”

Zaou’s eyes narrowed. “What makes you think I’m lying to you?”

“Because you are. Really, Zaou, don’t have an emotion in front of me. I’m not sure if you actually know how to do it properly.” Akoya sniffed. “And where are the rest of those ridiculous people you call your friends? I didn’t think the five of you were ever this far apart.”

That oddly reminded him of those Battle Lovers, who had such a tendency to turn up when and where they weren’t wanted. They always stuck so very close together, and on occasion Scarlet did mention things about baths, which -

“None of your business.” Zaou snapped. “They’re busy. That’s all.”

He wasn’t entirely lying about that. Akoya still hadn’t entirely given up the idea of departing and informing Kinshiro, Arima, and Zundar about the perfect chance to create a monster out of someone he genuinely disliked. But he wanted to have an idea of what kind of monster they could get out of this first.

“You looked far more bothered than what a simple ‘busy’ would merit,” Akoya pointed out, enjoying the way he made Zaou more and more uncomfortable. Most of his pleasures in life were far more complex than this but there was something to be said for the simple things as well.

Zaou shook his head. “If it gets you away from me – Io and I were supposed to go see a movie and he just canceled. He said something came up and he can’t get away right now. Probably something to do with the stock market.” Zaou pressed his lips together for a second before he shook his head again and that false expression of cheer returned. “Now, are you satisfied?”

Oh. Akoya began to reconsider his plans. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t enjoy the thought of turning Zaou into some sort of monster – something hideous and revolting and as unbeautiful as it possibly could be, something that could never have friends, never have a single date with anyone ever, but now he found himself reminded that Io also existed, and was – somehow – Zaou’s friend.

Io would likely be rather displeased at whatever happened, even if he never exactly knew why. Io had turned down the chance to join the Student Council, but Akoya hadn’t entirely given up the thought of persuading him for it another day. If not this year, then next. If it should happen that Io found out that Akoya had a hand in such a thing, then he would be irritated, to say the least.

“I wouldn’t worry about it so much. You know as well as I do that his finances come first for him,��� Akoya said. He wondered if he could find something genuinely comforting to say. He knew he was as bad at that as he was at – more things than he cared to think about. What he could do, he was very good at, but those things that he couldn’t do he was atrocious at.

But perhaps those were the words Zaou needed to hear, as he snorted some. “You might be right. Don’t let it go to your head. You’ve got enough hot air in there already.”

Normally that would have irritated Akoya. Right now it sounded enough like he was used to hearing from Zaou for him to offer one of his favored smirks.

“I assure you, I will let nothing go into my head that doesn’t belong there.” He glanced at the time. He didn’t need to be home at any given time, as long as he wasn't too late. Perfect. “Now, as you clearly have nothing better to do with your time, come along with me.”

Zaou didn’t move a muscle. If anything, he looked suspicious and distrusting. Akoya approved.

“Excuse me?”

“You have nothing else to do and I have free time. Therefore, you and I are going to spend this time together.” He hadn’t yet decided what to do, but that could come once Zaou stopped arguing with him. The idea had just taken root but he found he enjoyed the notion of bedazzling the poor fool until he didn’t dare look sad around Akoya ever again. Emotions that he didn’t approve of weren’t allowed.

“Why would I want to spend time around you when I could go home and get twice the entertainment staring at a wall?”

“Because you can’t.” Akoya smiled a sleek, predatory smile that he knew full well made him more enticing, slipping one finger into his pink curls, enjoying the feel of sleek hair against soft skin. Zaou didn’t quite look enticed, but that read as challenge to him. Not that he’d want to keep Zaou around, but the boy should at least know what he was missing by not aspiring to Akoya’s level. “You would sit in your room and stare at the walls, mope, and stare at your phone. You would get absolutely nothing done and while that is amusing, that isn’t what I intend to do.”

Zaou crossed his arms. “So? You can do whatever you want. I’m not getting involved.”

“Don’t you even wonder what I have in mind?” Akoya asked, arching one eyebrow. He didn’t wait for Zaou to lie and say that he didn’t. “Shopping. Anywhere that I want – or that you want. Call whoever it is you live with and tell them you’re having dinner out. All of it my treat.”

He could not have said where this burst of what may have been called generosity came from. It really wasn’t generosity, he knew. It was the desire to make certain Zaou didn’t feel things that could be construed as emotions that Akoya didn’t want to see him feel, such as being upset that his friends had lives that didn’t involve him. He was more than satisfied if Zaou experienced envy, greed, or lust for pretty possessions, especially since he could dangle them over Zaou’s head for as long as it amused him to do so.

Zaou threw up his hands. “You’re just going to kidnap me if I don’t oblige you, aren’t you?” He glared at Akoya as if Akoya had deliberately arranged for everyone to have other obligations on purpose. Akoya did nothing, only waited, until Zaou jerked his phone out of his pocket and started punching keys. Clearly he would do this and clearly he would do it while being annoyed every single step of the way.

I think he’ll be a lot more amusing like this than as a monster. And perhaps this could interest Io as well. He wondered exactly how much of Io’s choice not to join the Council was because of wanting to stay around Zaou. If Akoya managed to convince Zaou to leave the Defense Club as well – well, it was a thought worth pursuing.

And pursue it he absolutely would.

The End

Notes: I think Akoya's biting off more than he can chew here.

[mommydragon-of-all]

2,4,8,18, 32,34,35, and 36 for Soren!

100 OC Asks

~

2. What is their voice like?

Right off the bat with a question i cant fully answer. How do you describe a voice?… Well, in DAI he rolls with the Male British Voice but it’s not really how i hc him…. Hmm… Well, it’s like, i guess on the deeper side but not that much - unless he drops a few octaves for… reasons. It got a certain purr to it, that also gets evident when drops deeper. On average, as he usually speaks in a loud and cheerful manner, sounding higher and clearer, you don’t really observe those deep tones his voice gains when he’s speaking relaxed or sleepy or seductive and such. That tingling purr is easily shifted to bone shaking growl territory though when he is angry and/or out for blood. yeah he’s an animalIf this gives you some idea….

~

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? 

Oh boiii, he got MANY. Yet few that he isn’t fast to admit and let people have fun on his expense, often even laughing at himself with them. But there’s one thing that comes to mind that he tries hard to change in stories.

He used to have very long hair, the exact dark blood red of their mother’s and he had pride in it, thick and strong and brilliant like hers, tied high with her ribbon the smol twins found around where she died (long heroic and tragic story). When his long hair comes up in stories or other chatting he admits that he had “lost it” a few years ago, and if pried further he only says that it was to a sharp dragon spike and fire.

His sister tells a completely different story than what people usually assume from that though, if you are worthy and buy her a drink for it XD

What actually happened is that he rolled into the campfire in his sleep, and his sister fixed his remaining hair into a passable shape with her dragon spike knife, hands shaking from laughter.

You know how he sleeps XD. Brain out cold, body moving around like an octopus, drawn to warmth. Touch is the only sense that has live connection to his brain and can sound the wake up alarm. Having a fire going is a big hazard, he learned the hard way even before the hair incident. On the fateful dawn this happened, his sister kept second watch as always, keeping one eye out and one on Soren, pushing him back under the small tent with her boot when adjustment was necessary. (when alone he ties his belt to stuff and sets traps that pain-jolt him awake if triggered). Everything seemed quiet and peaceful, no big or off movements far and wide, some birds waking, a fox sneaking by, Soren half curled on the tent post, nice and tight… A perfectly average quiet morning. Cold and humid, irking her since her watch started, by dawn the languid, teasing dance of the campfire’s thin flames didn’t help her bladder either. So she just figured she could take two minutes to take a piss. WRONG. In that two minutes Soren got brushed by a small breeze carrying the warmth of the fire, he pooled off of the tent post and unconsciously slid and rolled towards its source….His sister jumped back to their small clearing to Soren’s… well… blaring alarm, pants still halfway down, with a blade out, magic flaring, ready for anything… except for the sight that greeted her. Soren screaming curses in 6 languages while wildly rolling around in the damp high grass, head and shirt on fire.Oh how upset he was, and pissed XD And as he was muttering under his breath and fuming all day his sister poked him constantly with comments that his head appears to be smoking, does he need some more water, and the like.By next evening he was laughing with her, but tried all sorts of bribes to keep her forever silent about this incident. Naturally, he couldn’t succeed.

He soon got so used to his short hair that the newer grew it out again, not having to keep it in mind during fights and climbs and stuff not to mention its weight and maintenance proved to be a nice bonus. Plus he found his new looks easy on the eye. Some cut forms changed sometimes but length not really.

Part of why he doesn’t tell the truth is that he does not want ppl to figure his big weakness of sleep rendering him dead to the world, and not just completely vulnerable, but also endangering himself with his crawling around. Some rogue he is XD But proven friends always get the story from his sister eventually.

~

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

He ate all kinds of dishes that appear around Thedas as he grew up almost constantly on the road, so there were many that other parts consider weird. He finds this a curious thing. One normal dish to a coast of Antiva is a completely disgusting monstrosity to a mountain town in Nevarra, and so on.

But from an outside point of view the answer may be something like raw worms and the kind he a few times had to resort to for survival.

Or something completely different, considered weird, that he regularly does: eating predatory animals and even some monsters…. Often raw. Its actually his favorite. (can be blamed on all the blood magic work on his body, at least the craving of fresh blood, and the fact that he gains the most energy from meat, and he needs a lot of energy to run his boosted systems. He is kind of accidentally shaped towards a predatory animal by being enhanced. Nobody knows for sure how much this is the woken primal drives and how much just plain weirdness though XD)

~

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

Soren LOVES music. He enjoys all kinds of skilled performances, likes to sing too (average singer but got that pleasant purr going for him), but his favorite thing about music is the merry atmosphere it can create and the dancing.So, the upbeat good vibe bits. He loves how people light up from some good music and dancing and he loves to dance, be it a fast paced loud group activity or a sensual slow glide. heck his fighting style is sort of a dance too Music should keep the spirits up, he thinks, and he is pleased to see that it often does. Its like a form of magic in his eyes, and we know how he loves magic… and people… and warming hearts.

~

32. Pet peeves?

Huh, another hard question. A LOT of things tick him off, and he is hot-blooded with a short fuse when it comes to things he has a displeasure for. (a similar trait of the twins but sister dislikes moooore stuff XD) Mostly things of the rich and ignorant and the festering scum. …But also like, sitting at a tavern’s counter and witnessing a pig say some disgusting slur or abusive shit etc to the servant has his fist instantly replying to it in their stead. No prelude. So I guess those things can also be considered here, tho I honestly newer quite grasped the full meaning of this English expression.

~

34. Least favorite food?

Green stuff. Let the animals eat weeds, he’ll eat the animals.Oh and if something doesn’t have meet in it, it is not real food. If it has at least a decent amount of sugar, then it’s at least a snack.

~

35. Least favorite color?

That is something he doesn’t really think much of, but would probably answer with “some muddy nonsense”. Basically anything that looks dirty, faded, washed out or muddy. It reminds him of the dirty alleys, rundown shacks, the old, stained and thrown out rags he more often than not had to wear growing up and he HATED it, like he hates poor quality and crude stuff, and poverty in general.

~

36. Least favorite smell?

Well, bad odors obviously, but that seems like a too obvious answer so.. least favorite…hmm

Too strong stenches, even if it was meant to be pleasant. Like flowers that ooze like no tomorrow, or someone wearing a bucket of perfume. His heightened senses can’t handle it, makes him kinda nauseous, besides it masks a lot of things he could read from a person’s scent at any given moment. He doesn’t like not knowing things he is used to be able to.

It may be an interesting thing to mention that he also absolutely loathes the scent of food going bad. He picks up on it much sooner than normal senses would, long before it’s considered not good to consume anymore. This puts an extra strain on his feeding problem, with him needing to consume at least the double of what an average man of his build needs for a day, always needing to get fresh stuff.

 Thank you ever so much for the ask!  >*^.^*

[guesswho-mp3]

[ Slim Shackled Wrists ]

Au: joker!kai x reader | Pairing: character x reader | Warning: manipulation, mention of crime/violence, joker!kai being a sexy mf | Rating: 16+ | Word Count: 1.4k

Her newest patient was unceremoniously dumped in his seat, the guard quick to shackle him to the table. Despite the fact that the cuffs provided ample protection from physical interaction on his part; the guard stood directly behind the newest inmate, hawk eyes daring him to move out of line. “Thank you sir, I can take it over from here, you may leave.”

“You sure, lady? It’s not safe to be alone with this guy. I saw what this psycho did on the news, he’s like a mad dog with rabies,” he warned. A high pitched cackle escaped the clown’s maws, the guard’s face quickly morphing into anger, burning red as he raised his hand in retaliation. “Shut up freak,” the order was punctuated with a firm push to the back of his head, resulting in it nearly smacking the table.

She stood up from your chair at the aggravated abuse. “That’s enough! Do not refer to my patient as a freak, he is here to receive professional help. Unless you want me to write a formal complaint against you, I suggest you go.” The guard scoffed but nonetheless turned towards the exit, the jokester snickering and waving as best he could in his restraints, sing songing bye bye.

“Stuck up bitch, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” he muttered, shaking his head. With one last glance to the duo he shut the door, the resounding clang echoing in the sterile room and she turned to see the eyes of Gotham’s Most Wanted surveying her. The news had only ever managed to get shots of the back of his head when he was on his rampages, and even then they were always blurry from being captured at night.

Sitting across from him, she felt a weird sense of pride being able to be so up close and personal with the man who had the city on the edge of their seats for the past two months. Still despite his misdeeds there was something undeniably alluring about him. With all her years as a shrink, she felt like she was the one needing help this time with the very unprofessional thoughts poisoning her mind. There was a pull in her gut, something that made you want to stick her hand in the fire just to feel the sweet pain of it licking at her fingertips.

His garish orange jumpsuit seemed to devour him, a far cry from the stocky brutes that frequented Arkham, but she could see the faint outline of lean muscle from underneath the fabric. Emerald green hair and tiny flecks of white face paint around his hairline added to his mysterious and twisted persona. Red rimmed eyes, some fresh purple bruising near his jaw, probably from his scuffle with Batman, that brute. Refined nose. Porcelain cheek bones. Two shallow scars extended outward from his plump lips, giving him the appearance of a smile, how cute—

She cleared your throat. “I apologize for the mistreatment, that was uncalled for. Welcome to Arkham Asylum, we’ll just be doing a quick psychiatric evaluation,” she scanned through her notes, noticing a lot of his general information was blank. “It seems you have no name on file, and I hardly think it’s appropriate to refer to you as Joker. May I call you Mr. J?”

“Fine by me darling, call me whatever you like.”

She nodded, failing to ignore his husky tone and the charming way the pet name fell off his lips. Most patients when they arrived at Arkham were frantic, body trembling and eyes shifting, complaining of hearing voices. But he seemed cool and composed. Normal, even. The clinking of his handcuffs ricocheted off the tiled walls.

“Alright Mr. J. Now, why don’t you tell me what you remember about the incident.”

“Remember? Very dangerous proposition, doctor… Yes, very dangerous ahehe. What, do you want my whole life story? My deepest secrets, my darkest desires? Oh I know I have some that will make your toes curl,” he teased.

She brushed off the insinuation despite how much it made her ache and clicked your pen. “Perhaps the reason that landed you in here? Your childhood? Anything you’re willing to discuss,” she said with a reassuring smile.

He stirred, a switch flipped and he started laughing, half crazed at a joke known only to him. “Childhood? Memory? Yes, I suppose memories are a bit like children. Vile little things. A funny thing though, to reminisce. My father owned a gag shop in the East End. Whoopee cushions, hand buzzers, the whole shebang. A real comic that one, he loved to put smiles on people’s faces.”

“He sounds lovely.”

“He was.”

Her face turned into one of concern, giving into the honey trap. “D-Did something happen?”

He shrugged. “It was a rough part of town. With the murder of those billionaires everybody started getting…desperate. Started stealing stuff, murdering people. As if they were going crazy,” his voice took on a fevered lilt at the last word, hurried and frantic. She remembered what it was like back then, the murder of the Kwons seemed to lure out all the from the monsters from Gotham’s underbelly.

“One night somebody broke in. Daddy went downstairs to investigate and got a knife in the back. Mommy dearest was next, she screamed when she saw the body and he held a knife to her neck while she cried for help.”

He was feral, eyes unhinged as if he were being possessed by the killer. “You know what he said to her? As he held the knife to her? Why the frown, doll? You’d be so much prettier with a smile.” He flopped back into the chair like a marionette with its strings cut, wrath replaced by nonchalance.“ He carved a grin into her face while I watched. Then,” he positioned his thumb underneath his throat and pretended to slice it, making a croaking sound.

A wet gasp came from her. She’d heard her fair share of gruesome backstories but there was something about the image of his younger self; an innocent cherub with rosy cheeks and wide eyes having to be a victim to such violence that she absolutely couldn’t bear. She was horrified with the scenario her imagination painted, unaware to how engrossed he was in watching as a single tear cut its path down her cheek. He licked his lips.

Leaning forward, his eyes rounded, angelic innocence adorning his features. “You know you’re very pretty. Like a doll. Hmmm… My little harlequin.” he giggled. ”May I call you Harley?”

Her head hurt from the whiplash but her stomach, attuned to his remarks, fluttered. “I—

He blew a raspberry through his lips, gaze skipping to and fro across the room. “I can’t remember anything after that. But I was alone.”

“Alone?” A feeling she knew all too well. Her father having kicked her out at a young age, suffering constant neglect from the nuns at the orphanage. Even in college she spent your Friday nights hunched over her studies to earn her Masters rather than hanging out with friends, not that she really had any. He recognized the mourning in her cadence and became resigned.

“Not just physically. It was the sort of loneliness where you have no other option than to throw a ball back and forth against the walls of your own mind. Where every thud reverberates in your empty skull,” he wheezed. “I was spiralling, searching for someone to grasp my hand and show me my purpose in this cesspool of a world. But I finally found someone.” He was gazing directly at her now.

“You have?” She questioned, voice soft. Caring. Hopeful.

“Believe me never did I think I would find this person in such a situation. Where once I was a sole performer I finally found my partner to dance with through the chaos. Take the plunge and share my madness. Though… I’m sure you don’t know what I’m talking about, doc,” he wistfully sighed, interested in the view outside the barred window while still watching her in his periphery.

“Actually,” she shuffled in her seat,” I think I do.” She leaned forward, a movement he caught in the corner of his eye, a smile so wide stretching across his face threatening to split it in two. Mask relaxing into a coy expression, he drummed his fingers on the table.

“You feel a special connection with this person. Like they know you for who you truly are. Almost like it’s fate that brought you together.” He snapped his fingers. “Exactly!”

“Almost like… almost like you’d do anything for them.”

He surged forward, face one of predatory anticipation. “Anything?” She nodded, fingers traipsing over his wrists.

He peered down at his hands and howled with laughter, her own giggles matching his. “I think we’re going to have lots of fun, don’t you,” he pushed her glasses up and twiddled her hair, ”Harley?”

[paganinpurple]

MariChat May 2018 - Day 6: You carried me bridal-style in one akuma attack and now Paris ship us together

I got lazy and fell behind. And this one got kinda long... 

MariChat May 2018

L'âge de L'amour - Days  6 / 7 / 12 / 16 / 13 / 8 / 11 / 9 / 10 / 17 / 15 / 19 / 22 / 2 / 14 / 20 / Finale

Sweet Tooth - Days  4 / 5 / 1

Other Days - 3

Buy Me A Coffee?

Marinette lifted her head from her book as she heard the sound of someone landing on her balcony near her. She glanced up, blanket wrapped around her shoulders to look at the boy standing gawkily by the railing and scuffing the toe of his right foot across the floor in an awkward gesture.

He opened his mouth a little to talk, hesitating for a moment before finally speaking. “Hi Marinette,” he said, seeming to relax a little when she smiled at him, “How are you doing?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “About as well as can be expected considering all the attention I've gotten since yesterday.”

“Sorry,” he said, eyes creased with guilt.

“Don't be. You saved me.” She gestured for him to sit down in the spot next to her on the sun lounger and although he moved forward at the motion, he sat on the edge of the table in front of her instead. He seemed worried and she quickly spoke up to reassure him. “You've probably done the same for hundreds of other girls, it was just unfortunate that so many people got videos of you saving me instead of them.”

“Yeah. Well, none of them were wearing shorts-” -he gave a humourless snort- “-And I don't often have to carry them all over Paris for close to an hour trying to lose the speed akuma chasing them.”

Marinette shook her head at the memory. She'd fallen during the sports day race for the girls in her year group in her own typical clumsy fashion and unfortunately, she'd taken out the girl beside her as she'd gone down. Louise was athletic and had been training for weeks so she had been furious at Marinette for ruining her chances to win.

Of course, when Marinette had run, the girl had kept cutting off all of her attempts at escaping and she'd been unable to find somewhere private to transform. She might have been a goner if Chat hadn't shown up and taken her to the rooftops in an attempt to avoid Vélocité. After all, the rooftops had fewer barriers than a lot of the walkways but she'd been fast enough that she had managed to circle around every building he'd tried to lose her on. They'd only gotten away because Marinette had suggested to him that they wait for her to curve around and get out of sight for a few moments before dropping low to the roof, letting her think she'd lost them and giving up with a growl of fury.

But ever since then, everyone had speculated on just why Chat had been so keen to carry her the way he had, as if it was some kind of romantic gesture. Going back to school had been hell. A lot of the kids and even parents had showered her with questions, asked if they were dating (she had adamantly denied that immediately), or if he had at least flirted with her. There were similar speculations trending on the internet not long after and her social media pages had blown up with messages from strangers.

“You carried me bridal-style in one akuma attack and now Paris ship us together,” she snorted.

“Not all of Paris,” he added worriedly.

And it was true. There were just as many people calling outrage at the presumption that Chat Noir, famous superhero, would dare have any interest in her. Many claimed people were only seeing things that weren't there like they were a non-canon ship in a kids TV show. Some, namely his fan-girls, were screaming for Marinette to be called out as a monster of some kind for daring to try and turn his head. And worst of all, were the ones who assumed he was much older and that it was disgusting and predatory for him to like a teenager.

In the last twenty-eight hours she'd been questioned, dragged through the mud and now she was even being pitied and warned against any possible grooming from him as if he was some kind of paedophile.

Which meant he was the one she was really worried for. “A lot of people aren't being so kind to you over this either,” she said, “They think you're a grown man and I'm just a little girl.”

He shrugged, a sad little look of disappointment on his face. “It's the Miraculous. It distorts how we look to people,” he said, “at least, as far as age goes. No one can agree on how old we are. Everyone sees us as the age they expect us to be. If someone thinks kids shouldn't be superheroes, they see us as adults. ”

She frowned. “How do you know that?” she asked curiously. It was something she'd never really considered before. She knew that a lot of people thought she was much older than she was but she hadn't dwelt on it too much to consider it was actually a trait of the magic that kept them masked. She hadn't even considered asking Tikki or Master Fu about it because it had simply been convenient to let people think she was anything other than herself.

“I have a...sort of magical helper. Called a Kwami. He can be useful - when bribed of course.” He grinned fondly and Marinette smiled softly in response, thinking of how much he'd complained about him during the odd patrol in the past. “Only other Miraculous holders can see us as we actually are, but when it comes to regular people, it's those in their twenties that tend to see me as closest to my real age the most.”

“So...how old are you?” she asked gently. She didn't need to know. From what he'd said already, she now knew she could see him as he was. But Chat didn't know that and she had to keep up the charade. Besides, she really wanted to see how he'd respond. Would he lie, or tell the truth? Or would he simply deign not to answer? And just how would he tell her? She wondered if he'd be excited to share or hesitant. As long as he didn't go cold. She wasn't sure she could handle that from him, even if he wasn't aware he was talking to Ladybug.

She waited. He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly and looked at the concrete floor for a long moment before finally, finally he spoke. “I'm fourteen,” he said softly, his voice like a secret on the wind. He looked up at her through his lashes to see her reaction and he was so shy and vulnerable that Marinette felt completely unprepared.

“Oh,” she said, “I'm fourteen too.”

“I know,” he said, and she supposed he did, considering the amount of coverage she'd gotten online. “How old did you think I was?”

“About fourteen or fifteen. I'm just...after what you told me I'm surprised to be right.” It was a lie and it felt awful in her mouth. What had really thrown her, was that he wasn't about her age, he was her age. And he'd told her. And been shy about it. She fought down the heat creeping up her neck.

“Is that...okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, before shaking herself a little and speaking with more conviction, “Yeah. I think I like that you're my age.”

She pointedly refused to acknowledge the blush that had finally forced it's way onto her skin when she saw the grin he gave her in response.

Buy Me A Coffee?

[verdigrisprowl]

Sept 10 Dancitron Movie Night - Gotham 19-20 & Lego Marvel Super Heroes: Maximum Overload

Soundwave tried to explain to Prowl that Jim’s name isn’t Gym. Prowl didn’t quite get it.

Prowl was confused by the suggestion that fake boobs are unethical. Somehow this launched into a general conversation about weaponized boobs.

After Gotham, Soundwave showed a cartoon where the word “overload” was said about fifty times. It was hysterical.

Tonight’s serial killer had a very nice BDSM dungeon that he is absolutely wasting on kidnapping and killing women, when he could be using it on BDSM. It inspired Soundwave and Prowl to go have some fun with handcuffs after the stream.

Today NoodlesAtNight 7:22 pm *Soundwave's here, he's got a datapad, and he's got his nose buried deep in it. So to speak.* opatoes 7:23 pm /Smokescreen's coming in, looking a bit larger today, and he's going to wave at Soundwave./ Soundwave! What'd I miss last week? I've got something really cool to show you. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:26 pm *the dragon moseys on in, with treats! clearly, she was listening in on Arcee's ask session, because along with the typical gummis and mercury drops and silver bars, she's got some pumice drizzled in mercury syrup. dragons gonna make snacks for everyone.* Hello, Soundwave! NoodlesAtNight 7:29 pm [[Last week?]] *Without looking up.* [[We met Jerome Valeska, the son of a snake dancer in the circus, who killed his mother; in passing, we also met the Graysons. We also found out that Butch was brainwashed into doing anything Penguin says. Bruce threatened his company board into behaving themselves and they did not like it. Then, a group of bank robbers made a name for themselves with a red hood. Fish Mooney met the doctor in charge of the organ theft facility and convinced him to make her his right hand. A friend of Alfred's showed up, stayed a while, taught Bruce some things, and stabbed Alfred on the way out of the house after having stolen documents. Commissioner Loeb has blackmail material on most of the police and forced Bullock to lie under oath to get Flass reinstated; Gordon investigated Loeb and discovered that Loeb's daughter has been locked in a house for decades after killing her mother, then used that to blackmail Loeb in return. Kristen Kringle found a new boyfriend, much to Edward's distaste, and Fish discovered that the organ theft facility is on an icy island. ... He believes that is all.]] opatoes 7:30 pm Whoa. Whoa, a lot, huh? Well- at least I know now! Thank you, Sounds- Soundwave. NoodlesAtNight 7:30 pm [[And, now:]] *He turns to acknowledge the dragon.* [[You'll find another lobster behind the bar. Ask Ravage to show you if you cannot find it.]] Today MedicalMurdersaurus 7:30 pm *wanders in, clean and well-fed* NoodlesAtNight 7:30 pm *Nods at Smokescreen. Thank you for using his name.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:31 pm Another lobster? Thank you, thank you! *the dragon chirps in delight and dives behind the bar. the Hunt for Snaccs has begun.* NoodlesAtNight 7:31 pm *Eyes Swoop. Please let there be no need for bridging tonight. He doesn't want to miss what happens. ... Of course, no Dinobot ever does what someone hopes they will.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:31 pm *has never once in his life implied he knows how to behave* Bird? NoodlesAtNight 7:31 pm [[Yes. Ravage acquired something called 'butter' to go with it.]] NoodlesAtNight 7:32 pm *It's a whole churn. Don't ask where he got it.* opatoes 7:32 pm /Getting up and dabbing to the tune/ MedicalMurdersaurus 7:32 pm Bird! Kelpy 7:33 pm [slides a box out of his subspace to put onto the closest flat surface] I may have brought a bunch of snacks to share. NoodlesAtNight 7:33 pm *KERPOW and here is Bird like a shot from the rafters* *Her feelers bind the box up right quick.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:33 pm *SQUEALS* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:34 pm Bird! opatoes 7:34 pm Wait wait more snacks? Specs, Swerve, have I ever told you two that I love you? Kelpy 7:34 pm I said to share-! NoodlesAtNight 7:34 pm [[Do as he said, Laserbeak. You do not want him to refuse to bring you more.]] {{..........Mehmehmeh.}} *Unwinds feelers. But stays perched near box.* Kelpy 7:34 pm Anyway, if you eat all those, you won't have room for the box I brought just for you. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:34 pm *bold of you to presume that she would look a Gift Ravage in the mouth, or do anything but make a mental note to bring tinsel fish to the next movie night. what the dragon DOES do is perch on the side of the churn and dip the lobster legs in the butter.* No, but you've told me now! *and in goes a leg. chawmp.* NoodlesAtNight 7:34 pm *Bright bright optic band. A box for her?* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:34 pm Bird have room for every snack ever :V NoodlesAtNight 7:34 pm ((whyyy rabbit the sound was fine earlier)) ((is it skipping for anyone else)) Kelpy 7:35 pm //it's fine for me? Kelpy 7:35 pm Yes, a box for you. That box is for everyone else. opatoes 7:35 pm ((fine for me as well!)) NoodlesAtNight 7:35 pm *Slooooooowly floats over. Swoop is right, but a box just for her is greaaaat.* Kelpy 7:36 pm [he's learned you see. distract her with a box all her own, and everyone else gets a chance at the other box.] Chillsins 7:36 pm *Windchill is here...by himself. A blessing or a curse? Time will tell.* opatoes 7:36 pm /Smokescreen's running over to grab a few snacks, just in case Laserbeak changes her mind and tries to take the box again./ NoodlesAtNight 7:36 pm *A wise idea.* NoodlesAtNight 7:37 pm *As soon as she gets the box of her own she'll sit by Swoop ....... and give him on-- tw-- ... two snacks from it.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:37 pm *the dragon has given up all pretense of civilization, and is just using pieces of the lobster's shell to slather the meat in butter. Ravage has created a monster.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:38 pm *starts to make a face but then smiles widely and takes the treats* Thank you, Bird : > NoodlesAtNight 7:38 pm *Soundwave watches in horrified fascination as she devours the lobster. Organic food. So gross.* Chillsins 7:38 pm (( I have to leave early again so I probably won't be all that active. )) (( Consider yourselves lucky. )) Today NoodlesAtNight 7:38 pm *He nods to Windchill. Welcome, welcome.* ((aaaaaa i'm sorry ;; such a good plot this time too)) Kelpy 7:38 pm [he's also sort of horrified fascination about the lobster. is that how you're supposed to eat it?] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:39 pm *she's from a mountainous biome and Ravage has just given her a churn full of nothing but pure fat. she's died and gone to bad food heaven.* Chillsins 7:39 pm (( Yeah I'm a little disappointed, my schedule changed so after this and next week I can't come at all for an unspecified number of months. )) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:39 pm *digs his claws into the treats and snickers to himself* NoodlesAtNight 7:39 pm ((DDDDDD😧 that suuuuuuucks)) opatoes 7:39 pm /He's just staring at the chum eating. Man, that seems brutal!/ Chillsins 7:39 pm (( Oh well, that's having to accommodate other people at every turn for you. )) NoodlesAtNight 7:40 pm ((my internet is shit rn for some reason. swoop mun i'm gonna pass u control and reset my net and then i'll be right back)) ((DON'T DO SILLY THINGS)) opatoes 7:40 pm ((swoop has power Kelpy 7:40 pm //is that wise Chillsins 7:40 pm *He can smell...something fatty happening. He tries not to look to find out what it is.* Kelpy 7:40 pm //lmao MedicalMurdersaurus 7:40 pm ((you can't give me ultimate power and expect it to end well)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:40 pm *to be fair, tearing the legs off of the lobster and then cracking the shell open and pulling out the meat is exactly how most dragons would eat a lobster. lobsters may not be indigenous to their world, but there's plenty of similar things. unfortunately, butter is a whole new world. a delicious, delicious world.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:41 pm ((okay everyone)) ((pun contest)) ((GO)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:41 pm ((that's punbearable, swoop)) opatoes 7:41 pm ((I'm not about to punish everyone with the puns I know!)) SCProwl 7:41 pm *Prowl arrives relatively on time and crosses to the bar to set down a box with everything else that's been brought. she opens it to reveal roughly carved spheres of blue energon drizzled with thick, syrupy liquid energon, and leaves it there to be picked at anyone that might want one. there's enough for everyone that usually visits, with some extra... for certain individuals who might pilfer such sweet treats. time to find a seat* Chillsins 7:41 pm (( I'm the master of pee puns. Urine for a real treat. )) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:41 pm ((ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!)) NoodlesAtNight 7:42 pm ((god the audio is still mangled on my side. oh well. at least i've already seen this a shameful amount of times)) Chillsins 7:42 pm (( Is there something you would like to share with the class? )) NoodlesAtNight 7:43 pm *Laserbeak stops watching Swoop be a complete and utter precious dork at the smell of new food. Oooh?* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:43 pm *goes from stabbing the treats with his claws to smashing them into one amorphous treat blob* SCProwl 7:43 pm ((my audio is being surprisingly well behaved lately, i think updating those drivers manually did it \o/ MedicalMurdersaurus 7:43 pm ((LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT LASERBEAK THINKS SWOOP IS PRECIOUS)) ((MARK YOUR CALENDARS)) NoodlesAtNight 7:43 pm {{Returning soon. Holding on, please.}} *And over to Prowl she goes, hovering overhead like a vast, predatory bird....* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:43 pm ((HE'S IN HER HEAD)) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:44 pm *notices Bird's looming and snickers, wings fanning out a bit as he watching what will HOPEFULLY be a murder* opatoes 7:44 pm Prowl! Prowl, it's good to see you, too! MedicalMurdersaurus 7:44 pm *metaphorically! or literally. either.* NoodlesAtNight 7:45 pm *Is reminded Smokescreen said he has something to show?* SCProwl 7:45 pm *suddenly Laserbeak, Prowl nods her chin toward where she left the box* You're welcome to take one. NoodlesAtNight 7:46 pm *Slithers a feeler across the room and up right behind Smokey, between his wings, clicking the claws behind his head. Hello, there.* NoodlesAtNight 7:46 pm *It taps him on the shoulder.* Kelpy 7:46 pm [smothers a laugh] SCProwl 7:46 pm *smiles faintly in Smokescreen's general direction and pings him hello* opatoes 7:46 pm /BEEPS with the feeler tapping him, but turns around, going over to be close to Soundwave./ Sounds, do you know anything about playing instruments? NoodlesAtNight 7:47 pm [[He knows how it is done, for some of them. He does not have the ability to play them, himself.]] Chillsins 7:47 pm There is only one instrument that matters. Mayonnaise. NoodlesAtNight 7:48 pm *Bird takes TWO, because fight the man. She'll break a piece off one and give it to Swoop. Just in case Primus is watching.* opatoes 7:48 pm Oh- I guess my surprise won't be quite as cool. Uh, you know how I get magic once in a while, right? MedicalMurdersaurus 7:48 pm *blinks owlishly* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:48 pm *peeks up from the mangled lobster and the butter churn* How do you play mayonnaise? MedicalMurdersaurus 7:48 pm *is legitimately confused* *chirps* NoodlesAtNight 7:49 pm [[Yes, he knows. The multiverse knows.]] Chillsins 7:49 pm Creatively. opatoes 7:49 pm We-eeell, watch this, Sounds! NoodlesAtNight 7:49 pm {{You Swoop eat. It yours.}} Chillsins 7:49 pm I think you gotta pour it out and slap it really hard to make sounds. But I'm not sure. Kelpy 7:49 pm I don't... think that's how it works NoodlesAtNight 7:49 pm ((starting in 10 minutes, get your snacks and your drinks and your potty breaks and all that)) SCProwl 7:50 pm So it's a percussion instrument. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:50 pm ...Right. *okay, back to slurping up lobster meat drowned in butter* opatoes 7:50 pm /Smokescreen's transforming into an organ!/ NoodlesAtNight 7:50 pm [[..........What in the hellish depths of Gygax.]] Kelpy 7:50 pm Did you gtet reformatted opatoes 7:50 pm ... /Presses down on a key to show what it does. Does Soundwave just not know instruments?/ Chillsins 7:51 pm Maybe. It would take a lot of mayonnaise for me to try. MedicalMurdersaurus 7:51 pm Oh Uh NoodlesAtNight 7:51 pm *He knows what an organ is. He's trying to process Smokescreen being one.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:51 pm *looks at the treats in his hands* opatoes 7:51 pm Uh, not willingly. But I think it's a temporary thing! NoodlesAtNight 7:51 pm [[Do you, er... function.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 7:51 pm Me Swoop don't... want SCProwl 7:51 pm What did he turn into? *pings Soundwave for a visual feed* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:51 pm *holds the snacks out for Laserbeak instead* NoodlesAtNight 7:51 pm {{No? Why not? Is good.}} *Soundwave sends Prowl the feed.* opatoes 7:51 pm ... /He's going to play a few chords to show. He works!/ chronosmith 7:51 pm *sliiides on it. First stop, the bar* Kelpy 7:52 pm Hi Whirl. NoodlesAtNight 7:52 pm [[Mind the butter.]] Kelpy 7:52 pm [slowly reaches out a hand to touch Smokescreen. is it real] SCProwl 7:52 pm *....that sure is a thing Smokescreen's turned into* opatoes 7:52 pm /Yep, he's real! He's pretty sure he's real, at least./ SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:52 pm *waves at Whirl from atop the butter churn* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:52 pm Uhh dunno chronosmith 7:52 pm ...is THAT what that smell is? And hey, Swerve. All of you. *bobs his head* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:52 pm *licks the treat to test if it is good* It fine *offers again* Chillsins 7:53 pm *Waves also. He's alone tonight, so Whirl is spared.* NoodlesAtNight 7:53 pm {{Eeeeeeew. You licked it.}} chronosmith 7:53 pm *he's on week two of four so, gonna load up on a nice double Gaugebuster* NoodlesAtNight 7:53 pm {{It yours now. You eat.}} MedicalMurdersaurus 7:53 pm *snickers* NO no! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:53 pm *the dragon is running out of lobster. there's still a lot of butter in that churn.* NoodlesAtNight 7:53 pm [[May he--? Do you have optics in this form...?]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:54 pm *...yep, she just took an actual bite. of butter. primus save you all.* Chillsins 7:54 pm *His ear flicks. What is Swoop fussing about now?* opatoes 7:54 pm Go for it, Soundwave! I don't have optics, but my sensors work kinda like how they do in my other alt mode. MedicalMurdersaurus 7:54 pm *has two very murdered goodies and one fine goodie and no desire to eat them, help* SCProwl 7:54 pm You still have your other alt mode? NoodlesAtNight 7:54 pm //...You s'posed to eat it like that?// *Rumble comes down and sniffs at the butter churn, then stretches. He's been asleep.* chronosmith 7:55 pm *while he's mixing his own drink* How's that, Smokescreen? Sound-based or light-based? Or something else? NoodlesAtNight 7:55 pm *Soundwave reaches out oh so slowly and presses a key. Biiiiiiing.* Chillsins 7:55 pm *Don't you DARE throw them across the room, Swoop.* opatoes 7:55 pm Yep! I haven't transformed into it in a little while, th-Biiiiiing chronosmith 7:55 pm *stares. Biiiiiing* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:55 pm *the dragon shrugs her wings* I have never had this before. *remember, she's from a planet without mammals. there's oils, and probably margarine-like substances, but no BUTTER, as there's no dairy.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:56 pm *isn't throwing (yet), just offering them to BIrd with a very confused look on his face, since when is she not a vacuum?* chronosmith 7:56 pm *pauses for a moment, and then imitates the Biiiiiing back near-perfectly* Chillsins 7:56 pm *You know who is a vacuum, though?* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:56 pm *the fact that smokescreen has turned into a piano pales in comparison to a churn of high-fat food* Chillsins 7:56 pm *It's Windchill.* NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm //Huh. ... Mind if I try?// NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm *It SMELLS sort of oily-greasy. It's like. Almost appetizing, but not quite?* opatoes 7:57 pm /Hey, he's an organ! With pedals! But the food is way more exciting, that's completely reasonable./ chronosmith 7:57 pm ((i feel the spirit of paula deen in this room tonight)) ((wait i have a gif perfect for this I think)) NoodlesAtNight 7:57 pm ((WARNINGS: Gotham S1 19 -20 Beast of Prey, Under the Knife // 19 AND 20 ARE HARD TO WATCH. I mean it. If you need to duck out, duck out. Violence, blood, death; police brutality and corruption; foul or sexist language; implied and visible domestic violence; torture; Mama Kapelput being creepy; the horrors of guys who think they're entitled to peoples' affection; attempted suicide; decomposed body; assorted bdsm gear/kink visuals and bizarre offscreen implications - no graphic sex, this did air on broadcast tv)) ((Lego Superheroes short // half-ass mind control)) opatoes 7:57 pm Soundwave- can you try playing a C, E, and G together? chronosmith 7:57 pm ((thanks for the warnin!))

chronosmith 7:58 pm ((BUUUUTTTEEERRR)) SCProwl 7:58 pm *attention fully on whatever's happening with Smokescreen and Soundwave rn* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:58 pm *the dragon looks up in surprise* ...If you can eat it, be my guest. *she's used to making food for non-tarantulas cybertronians that is all but inedible to her* Chillsins 7:58 pm (( Christ. )) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 7:58 pm ((whirl I love you and you are my friend but why)) NoodlesAtNight 7:58 pm ((GAH)) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:58 pm *has no idea what is on tonight or what has happened in the past, is purely here for Bird* NoodlesAtNight 7:58 pm ((gotham is safer to watch tonight than that gif)) chronosmith 7:58 pm ((I have helped prepare u, audience, and make u stronger)) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:59 pm *awkwardly sets the treat mush down on the back of the sofa for lack of another idea what to do with it* chronosmith 7:59 pm *drink prepared! Pauses on his way to the couch by the churn to watch the Butter Shenanigans, and to nudge Rumble hello* NoodlesAtNight 8:00 pm *Soundwave has no musical training whatsoever; he does not know how to properly play the organ. All he can do is refer to his diagram of where keys are. So he puts one finger of one hand on a C, one finger of the other hand on an E, and uses the feeler from earlier to press the G. He does not do it all at once. Don't have him do this again.* *Rumble waves, still hoping for permission to taste test the butter.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:00 pm *whoops! she shorted out from Delicious Butter Taste* Yes, go ahead! *hops aside to let Rumble at it* NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm *He squints and sticks the very tip of the tip of his finger into the butter and brings the swiped goop up close to his visor. ....... Huh. LOOKS like grease. Mlem.* opatoes 8:01 pm ... Maybe I can show you how some of this stuff works after the show, Soundwave? NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm //Aaaackhbphthbht.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:01 pm No good? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:01 pm *doesn't really know what to do with himself so he just sits on the nearest sofa* Chillsins 8:01 pm A white outfit seems like a bad idea. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:01 pm *like a people* NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm [[He will consider it.]] NoodlesAtNight 8:02 pm [[Rumble, stop eating organic food.]] //...Y'know how fuel - or, uh, food, I guess - gets kinda - stale 'n jus' this side of funky? 'S like that. Smells like it oughta be grease, but it sure ain't.// NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm *He grabs a rag to wipe his finger off before heading over to Whirl and plopping down.* verdigrisprowl 8:03 pm *arrives, just a shade late* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:03 pm *pulls his legs up under himself to sit on them* NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm *Greeting ping. Subtle pat of couch.* SCProwl 8:03 pm *pings alternate hello* verdigrisprowl 8:03 pm *ping. sits.* NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm *Looks over to see the mush on the back of Swoop's couch. He vents. They just cleaned that yesterday.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:04 pm I do know what you mean. I'm sorry it tasted like that. It's no fun to eat bad food. *the dragon shrugs, and goes back to shoving her snout into the butter* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:04 pm ((Bruce's actor is so good. He gets so much subtle stuff across.)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:04 pm ((even my body language doesn't get that stuff across)) NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm //'S okay. More for you, huh?// *Bop Whirl.* //How ya doin', mech?// NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm //Got you a big glass of the good stuff, heh.// opatoes 8:05 pm /Smokescreen's pretty sure that's Prowl that's sitting near, and is pretty quickly transforming out of his organ alt mode and going over to sit next to round Prowl./ MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm *sniffs his own arm* 😕 Kelpy 8:05 pm Flattery? verdigrisprowl 8:05 pm Hm. Promising. And suspicious. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:05 pm ((ed! ed- aw.)) ((not ed)) SCProwl 8:06 pm *she is sitting near and only a little disappointed he's no longer an organ* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:06 pm *peeks over at Prowl at "you had me at homicide"* NoodlesAtNight 8:06 pm [[What makes you suspicious?]] *He's not arguing. He's just curious the reasons.* chronosmith 8:06 pm ((whop sorry for delay got caught up in kitchen)) opatoes 8:06 pm /Hey, if Prowl asks, he'd be happy to transform again!/ MedicalMurdersaurus 8:06 pm Me Swoop smell funny verdigrisprowl 8:07 pm The fact that everyone in this police department tends to lie SCProwl 8:07 pm *maybe later when the movie's over* Chillsins 8:07 pm You Swoop smell like Swoop. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:07 pm Nuh uh Chillsins 8:07 pm Yuh huh. NoodlesAtNight 8:07 pm [[Oh, good. The Kel-E human survived.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:07 pm Nope chronosmith 8:07 pm *has gotten himself nice and settled, and is happily bopped* You know it, mech. *hoists the glass into the air and takes a swig* ...Ha! I knew she was still in it for her! verdigrisprowl 8:07 pm And I feel like it's still too early for them to be publicly throwing their lot in with Gym unless they were already bucking the status quo. Chillsins 8:07 pm Then what do you smell like? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:07 pm *holds his arm out to Windchill with a "check and see" pout on his face* chronosmith 8:08 pm How did butter-quest go? *looks between Rumble and the dragon* NoodlesAtNight 8:08 pm //Gross, 's how it went. Heh.// Chillsins 8:08 pm *Leans over and sniffs.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:08 pm *is a clean boy today* Chillsins 8:08 pm Smells like an arm. A Swoop arm. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:08 pm Nuh uh! Not a Swoop arm. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:08 pm ...That, is a popped stitch. He should not be doing anything. Kelpy 8:08 pm You smell like soap. Chillsins 8:08 pm Then whose arm is it? Kelpy 8:08 pm You're awful clean looking MedicalMurdersaurus 8:09 pm Awful :V NoodlesAtNight 8:09 pm *There's Gym again. He glances at Prowl a second.* @P: [[It is not an equipment based name. It's a - a human one. He does not know what it means, but the glyphs are different.]] verdigrisprowl 8:10 pm @S «... It sounds like "Gym."» MedicalMurdersaurus 8:10 pm *licks his arm to see if that helps* *it does not* Chillsins 8:10 pm ....Does it taste bad? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:10 pm No :< Chillsins 8:11 pm Gimme. verdigrisprowl 8:11 pm *nods at Ed* HE'D probably say he wants to work more. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:11 pm *offers arm* chronosmith 8:11 pm why... would a speakeasy have a liquor license... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:11 pm It's the riddling human. Competent, if weird. opatoes 8:11 pm OH. Oh, I know what this show reminds me of right now. NoodlesAtNight 8:11 pm @P: [[He knows. It uses different letters in their alphabet. They really need a better alphabet.]] Chillsins 8:11 pm *Puts his mouth on the arm.* Kelpy 8:11 pm What's Spanish? verdigrisprowl 8:11 pm @S «... Well, I'm not speaking in their alphabet.» MedicalMurdersaurus 8:12 pm *watches expectantly* NoodlesAtNight 8:12 pm //It's a theme thing, I think. Like, a gimmick. It's a real bar, y'know? But dressed up for pretendin'.// chronosmith 8:12 pm Oh. Huh. Chillsins 8:12 pm *Spits the arm out.* verdigrisprowl 8:12 pm Who would want to go to a bar that's perfectly legal but LOOKS criminal? chronosmith 8:12 pm I know how to fly a helicopter. verdigrisprowl 8:12 pm ... Wait. What am I saying. Criminals. chronosmith 8:12 pm I'm pretty good, or so I've been told. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:12 pm *blinks* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:13 pm You are a helicopter. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:13 pm Better? Chillsins 8:13 pm Tastes like an arm. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:13 pm Gross Chillsins 8:13 pm It's okay. I've had worse. chronosmith 8:13 pm I'll be damned, dragon... you might be on to something. *toasts her and takes another swig* The very best kind of flying machine there is. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:13 pm Dinobots supposed to worse :< NoodlesAtNight 8:13 pm @P: [[He knows. He is trying to explain the way it is said and meant on Earth.... it's relatively unimportant, he supposes.]] Chillsins 8:13 pm You can't be the worst at everything. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:14 pm *the dragon waves a glop of butter as a toast* To the best helicopter. NoodlesAtNight 8:14 pm {{Him Whirl good helibot. Bird tested.}} opatoes 8:14 pm NO SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:14 pm ((RIOT)) Kelpy 8:14 pm //wow MedicalMurdersaurus 8:14 pm Me Swoop not the worst at flying. Me Swoop am best! opatoes 8:14 pm "Maybe you're right" and the episode ends chronosmith 8:14 pm ((i sense the buttery, dastardly hand of Paula Deen in this)) Chillsins 8:14 pm See? I'm right. chronosmith 8:14 pm *also toasts Laserbeak* That is genuinely high praise. Thanks, mech. opatoes 8:14 pm ... Did he murder his other dates is that it verdigrisprowl 8:14 pm @S «... How's it spelled?» Chillsins 8:15 pm I'll laugh. chronosmith 8:15 pm The worst person at flying is anytime Optimus Prime gets a jetpack. Chillsins 8:15 pm *Cackles, just as promised.* opatoes 8:15 pm ... He absolutely did it chronosmith 8:15 pm And then it's... him. Using the jetpack. Kelpy 8:15 pm [snorts] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm *sniffs where Windchill got him* *this isn't right either* verdigrisprowl 8:15 pm "Unconditional" is an abuser code word for "submissive doormat who never questions me and accepts anything I do." MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm Needs dirt Kelpy 8:15 pm This is a weirdly knowledgable flashback from a bartender. Chillsins 8:16 pm *It smells like slobber, dirt, and maybe a whiff of pumpkin spice lattes* Kelpy 8:16 pm I say that as a bartender. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:16 pm More dirt Chillsins 8:16 pm *Don't ask how.* verdigrisprowl 8:16 pm Oh, he's got an impressive-looking dungeon. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:16 pm *the dragon WAS going to say that being in a pairbond is considered to be unconditional love, but she's going to look over at Prowl in surprise instead* verdigrisprowl 8:16 pm Too bad he's a creep. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:16 pm ((Is that whatshisface from Heroes? Peter?) chronosmith 8:17 pm Shame they don't have anyone on the force who can smell worth a damn. Kelpy 8:17 pm That is an *EXTREMELY* knowledgable bartender. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm Is the docent sleep- oh dear, he was asleep. chronosmith 8:17 pm get a detective like Ravage or hell, even ME in there--if I was a detective, which, obviously, I'm NOT... and you could track em. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm ((AAAAAAAAAAA)) opatoes 8:17 pm A gun range, also known as a grunge NoodlesAtNight 8:17 pm *Soundwave looks up the last capture of the subtitle with his name in it and how the English word for gymnasium is spelled. Takes him just a second. * @P: [[To them, you are saying {G-Y-M}, but his name is {J-I-M}. If he were a Cybertronian, he would undo locks for a living, not be an exercise station.]] Chillsins 8:17 pm Pffft. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:17 pm *perks up* Gun range? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:18 pm He could shoot you. Chillsins 8:18 pm *Snorts.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:18 pm OH. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:18 pm Me Swoop good shot : > NoodlesAtNight 8:18 pm ((SHIT i forgot to provide warning to snif about today i think)) ((woop)) opatoes 8:18 pm I *fingered* they'd do that! chronosmith 8:18 pm ((o7 we can always say you did, if you like!)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:18 pm *looks at Smokescreen* Why. chronosmith 8:18 pm *either way he became suddenly and intensely interetsed in his drink the moment he saw where that was going* opatoes 8:19 pm Was it that punbelievable? verdigrisprowl 8:19 pm Or she might have been imprisoned. chronosmith 8:19 pm *and by interested I mean shotgunning all of it* verdigrisprowl 8:19 pm She could have been treated well while imprisoned. NoodlesAtNight 8:19 pm [[And he agrees that nothing good is unconditional. All things worthwhile come with conditions. It is how that worthiness is maintained.]] Kelpy 8:19 pm .... Chillsins 8:19 pm Who keeps having these flashbacks? Is it the bartender again? Kelpy 8:20 pm Her corpse guess NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm [[We do.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:20 pm Padded walls, velveted cuffs, removed claws. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm *pulls his legs up to his chest, wraps his arms around them and rests his chin on his knees* Chillsins 8:20 pm I guess that'll do. NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm [[It is for our information, not theirs.]] =Hm. Detective Ravage.= verdigrisprowl 8:20 pm I didn't say "nothing good is unconditional." Just that the kind of people who demand unconditional love, especially very early in the relationship, are throwing up red flags. Chillsins 8:20 pm It's a joke. NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm [[He was speaking of love.]] chronosmith 8:20 pm I dunno. I think it's good to know that your beau would kick your ass, if you needed your ass kicked. verdigrisprowl 8:20 pm ... Especially the kind of people who have a string of exes that LEFT because he demanded "unconditional love." NoodlesAtNight 8:21 pm [[Or of loyalty, but the two are often entwined.]] //Hope she clawed his fraggin' optics out.// MedicalMurdersaurus 8:21 pm *looks around* What movie? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:21 pm Hopefully. chronosmith 8:21 pm *well. Now his glass is empty. He will be right back, Rumble* Chillsins 8:21 pm What what movie? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:21 pm ((I love her white nails)) verdigrisprowl 8:21 pm "Nothing good is unconditional" and "people who demand unconditional are not good" are two different points. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:21 pm *points to the screen* What. verdigrisprowl 8:21 pm I agree with your point, but it's not the point I was making. Chillsins 8:21 pm It's not a movie. NoodlesAtNight 8:21 pm [[Then he makes his and agrees with yours.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:21 pm YOU not a movie Chillsins 8:21 pm *No wonder him Swoop so confused.* Chillsins 8:22 pm ...This is true. NoodlesAtNight 8:22 pm [[Ah. Too slow.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:22 pm 😆 Chillsins 8:22 pm I've never been a movie. Not even once. verdigrisprowl 8:22 pm ... One exception. Laws of physics. Laws of physics should be unconditional. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:22 pm Not even once! *snickers* chronosmith 8:22 pm The only thing in the universe that is unconditional, and I mean this as in, it is an objective fact of the multiverse itself--*said as he approaches the bar to mix another, stronger Gaugebuster* --is that Starscream's voice is annoying. No matter what he does, or how he speaks. It's annoying. SCProwl 8:22 pm *leans forward, eager to see how she gets out of this* Chillsins 8:22 pm *Nods.* Don't want to be a movie, either. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Why? Kelpy 8:23 pm Is she really that bad a liar. I thought she was good at coming up with excuses on the fly. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm ((guh, the cat pooped and it is toxic I'm dying)) chronosmith 8:23 pm I think this is an act. NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm ((oh my god)) chronosmith 8:23 pm She's smarter than this. NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm [[It seems she is making one up now.]] chronosmith 8:23 pm ((RIP in pieces specs)) verdigrisprowl 8:24 pm Whirl, I believed you have indeed discovered an unconditional fact of reality. NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm *Rumble raises a hand to high five/two Whirl over the Starscream comment.* chronosmith 8:24 pm Yeah, she's completely playing him. NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm *Sits up straight.* [[HE KNEW IT.]] Chillsins 8:24 pm Being a movie sounds boring. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Fight movie cool 😆 This not fight movie :< Chillsins 8:24 pm Yeah... Kelpy 8:24 pm ... He can revive the dead? SCProwl 8:24 pm Ah, she is very good. Chillsins 8:24 pm But I don't want to fight forever either. So I don't want to be a fight movie. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:24 pm *hah* She got what she wanted. chronosmith 8:24 pm *pops that high five/two back once he's on his way back to the couch with the next gaugebuster* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Joke movie verdigrisprowl 8:25 pm ((it averages out into a high 3.5)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:25 pm CAT HUMAN NoodlesAtNight 8:25 pm [[...He wonders what they were going to do with the children. Surely he does not get many adolescent patients.]] Chillsins 8:25 pm No. You go be a movie. verdigrisprowl 8:25 pm He might. Children of the rich. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:25 pm Kay! chronosmith 8:25 pm Why WOULDN'T you stay at one for a few days? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:25 pm ...A gambling house, is it? chronosmith 8:25 pm It's nice and relaxing. verdigrisprowl 8:25 pm Hard to sleep. NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm [[Hmm. He supposes some of their rich humans would care for their spawn. Exceptions, if nothing else.]] Chillsins 8:26 pm What kind of movie will you Swoop be? Fight movie? NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm //Nah, it ain't a gamblin' house.// chronosmith 8:26 pm *sits down, gets comfortable, and gets back to chugging* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:26 pm FIGHT movie! Dogfight AND FIGHT fight! Kelpy 8:26 pm He recognizes it SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm Riddling human. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:27 pm And funny And blood! And guts! Chillsins 8:27 pm Best kind of movie. *Nods.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:27 pm Ah, I was right. Velveted handcuffs. NoodlesAtNight 8:27 pm {{Him keeping her prisoner!! Break glass! Smash face!}} *Bird rattles.* SCProwl 8:27 pm Ah, the other officer set him up. verdigrisprowl 8:27 pm Rich and powerful humans are very invested in continuing their lineage through their offspring. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:27 pm I wonder if she's poisoned it. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:27 pm *snaps his head over to look at Bird when she starts rattling, puffing up his armor in response* opatoes 8:28 pm Primus, this is... This is really creepy. NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm [[He doesn't see why. It is competition for their acquisition of wealth.]] verdigrisprowl 8:28 pm Their offspring don't get their wealth until the elders die. Chillsins 8:28 pm We know that. NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm [[Ahhh.]] opatoes 8:29 pm Primus MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm *stares at Bird while he tries to figure out what got her fussed, still a bit fluffed up himself* NoodlesAtNight 8:29 pm *Laserbeak hisses. That many.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:29 pm *the dragon makes a noise* How... MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm ((where is laserbeak?)) NoodlesAtNight 8:29 pm *She's so glad she has no interest in that.* ((floating over the swoop couch)) Kelpy 8:29 pm Well, that's uh. Not good. verdigrisprowl 8:29 pm He has such nice gear. What a waste. Kelpy 8:30 pm He doeas have nice gear though. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:30 pm *crawls slowly onto the back of the couch so he can be closer to her, watching for some kind of cue if he's supposed to tear a limb off someone* verdigrisprowl 8:30 pm Right? The heavy shackles shown earlier looked amazing. Kelpy 8:30 pm .... They're bait. She's going to take the helicopter and leave them to be bait, isn't she Chillsins 8:30 pm Probably. opatoes 8:31 pm Knowing her? Absolutely. NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[Hmm. Satisfying.]] chronosmith 8:31 pm *finishes chugging the second one just in time* HAHA. Nice. opatoes 8:31 pm NICE chronosmith 8:31 pm She is the best. Chillsins 8:31 pm He'd better be dead. chronosmith 8:31 pm ...*up again. His glass is empty. Unacceptable* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:31 pm Why didn't she kill him? Chillsins 8:31 pm *Groans.* NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[And the shackles did look quite sturdy.]] Kelpy 8:32 pm I should get, uh. Hm. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:32 pm *reaches over to nudge Bird* verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm Weighty, too. NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm *Bird flinches and whips her feelers out - then settles. Just Swoop. It's fine. She pats his head.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:33 pm *the dragon makes a mental note of something. poor Bird.* chronosmith 8:33 pm Takes care of her people first--and she can fly a--she's the best. *shakes his head* She's the best character in this show. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:33 pm *gets slightly less puffed up when she pats him, but is still staring at her* opatoes 8:33 pm oh frag NoodlesAtNight 8:33 pm //Hot damn, she's still flyin'.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:33 pm That looks bad. Kelpy 8:33 pm IS she seriously gonna fly with a bullet in the gut chronosmith 8:34 pm Why not? I have. *mixing another drink now* Chillsins 8:34 pm The Ogre. NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm //Ain't like she got a choice. Can't land back there. Ain't nowhere else to go 'less she gets across the water.// Chillsins 8:34 pm *Snickers even though the topic isn't funny.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:34 pm ((uh oh. Vanessa.)) NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm //THAT is a shootin' gallery.// SCProwl 8:35 pm For drugs. NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm //Seen our version of 'em loadsa times.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm Oh, not a gambling house. It's a drug den. Chillsins 8:35 pm Not as cool as the kind with guns. chronosmith 8:35 pm Oh. Huh. *pauses to take it in* Not my kinda place. Kelpy 8:35 pm Oh. Chillsins 8:36 pm *In fact he strongly disapproves of this kind.* opatoes 8:36 pm Oh! They're friends again? chronosmith 8:36 pm Heh. NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm //Yeah. She found 'im at the hospital with Alfred.// chronosmith 8:36 pm See? This is why I never touch that slag. Look how easy you roll over for someone just to get your hit? Pathetic. PATHETIC. NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm //Kid's gettin' cold.// chronosmith 8:36 pm *he says as he slams his third drink right AT the bar* opatoes 8:36 pm ... Is that what that kinda stuff does? SCProwl 8:37 pm Yes. chronosmith 8:37 pm Better sooner than later. Gotta learn sometime. NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm *Laserbeak is mostly calmed down now again. For the moment.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm If he wants to survive, he might have to be cold. chronosmith 8:37 pm You MADE it his business, idiot. opatoes 8:37 pm Well, I'm glad I haven't tried that kinda thing much! MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm *makes a face at Bird* Chillsins 8:37 pm Sad. NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm {{...What?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm *blows raspberries then giggles* chronosmith 8:38 pm Saw too many burnouts in the dead end. Nothing more pathetic than a junkie looking for a fix. NoodlesAtNight 8:38 pm @P: [[The things you experiment with - are you ever concerned that you will end up in a place like this?]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm Make a threat like that... There it is. Are they..? chronosmith 8:38 pm DO IT. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm She is. chronosmith 8:38 pm Good. opatoes 8:39 pm Phff- Chillsins 8:39 pm There you go. Kelpy 8:39 pm Oh my SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:39 pm Not quite cold enough yet, little batling. SCProwl 8:39 pm Hopefully never. chronosmith 8:39 pm See? Point proven. Chillsins 8:39 pm 'Bout time someone had the sense to off one of these guys. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:39 pm Little bastard of a commissioner. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:39 pm Bird. NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm {{What?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:40 pm You mad Bird? verdigrisprowl 8:40 pm @S «No, because I do all my worrying up front, /before/ the experimenting. I don't touch anything that hasn't been cleared as non-addictive and temporary.» NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm {{Not at Swoop. Swoop best face maker.}} *Rolls upside down to be cute.* @P: [[And you're never tempted?]] Chillsins 8:41 pm Big dick energy. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:41 pm *tilts with her until he is off balance enough to slide off the sofa into a handstand* chronosmith 8:41 pm *snickers* verdigrisprowl 8:41 pm ... Didn't Gym come after the one HE loved first? NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm *She flips upright and cackles softly.* Chillsins 8:41 pm Better check the swamp. opatoes 8:41 pm ... He kinda did the batman voice Kelpy 8:41 pm Wow he's... Angry opatoes 8:41 pm even though he's not NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm [[He did not know the Commissioner's daughter was there. He was expecting paperwork.]] verdigrisprowl 8:42 pm Sure, but he still used her for blackmail. NoodlesAtNight 8:42 pm [[Perhaps - but that, to try to free Bullock and the others from having to do things like this.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:42 pm *smiles, he did good* verdigrisprowl 8:42 pm Accusing HIM of crossing the lime that Gym crossed first is... a little hypocritical. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm Because you couldn't. Claws, little cat. Keep them sharp. chronosmith 8:43 pm I mean, isn't it implied that this Loeb guy is using the serial killer to do his thing? Isn't that what he meant by putting her in danger? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:43 pm *kicks his feet forward and flaps his wings to get enough momentum to pop himself upright* chronosmith 8:44 pm So between looking for blackmail material and using a serial killer to commit ANOTHER crime to get back at someone... *singsong voice* One of these things is not like the other~ verdigrisprowl 8:44 pm I'm not saying Gym was wrong to use her OR wrong to be mad when it was turned around on him, but he's just—it's just factually inaccurate to say that the commissioner is the one who crossed the "using a loved one against someone" line first. NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm [[That is fair.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm No, little cat, keep him /distracted/. If he mulls on it too much, he will- RIDDLING HUMAN! Chillsins 8:44 pm That's not how you eat a watermelon. NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm //What'd the orbs do to you, Ed fleshie?// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm They were delicious. chronosmith 8:44 pm I'd figured you'd be all on board with him following the letter of the law. opatoes 8:44 pm That's one way to play with food! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm Thank the riddling human! Chillsins 8:45 pm It's a thankless job. chronosmith 8:45 pm Which includes dealing with, y'know. The fact that someone was murdered instead of killed in an accident. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm She's dead. opatoes 8:45 pm oh no verdigrisprowl 8:45 pm I /am/ all on board with him following the letter of the law, /but/ that's not the point that I'm presently making. Kelpy 8:45 pm Why isn't she calling back? Kelpy 8:46 pm No don't put it down SCProwl 8:46 pm ((cat scare, rude SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Follow the cat, the cat is smart. opatoes 8:46 pm better yet call while looking around NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm [[Heh.]] ((i love the crosshairs window)) chronosmith 8:46 pm Hmm. You're probably right. *he's mixing drink number four* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm ((PFFF)) SCProwl 8:46 pm Why is her window wide open in a city like this? NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm [[Too trusting, he assumes.]] [[Or her home's ventilation system is broken.]] chronosmith 8:47 pm Option number three: set a trap for the guy. Kill him first. Chillsins 8:47 pm That works. chronosmith 8:47 pm Toss him out a window... wait in a closet with a knife. Give her a gun. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:47 pm *looks over at Soundwave's Prowl to see what he thinks about this* Chillsins 8:48 pm At least these guys have some chemistry. NoodlesAtNight 8:48 pm @P: [[...For the record, do as she asked him to do.]] SCProwl 8:48 pm ...ah. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:48 pm Oh. opatoes 8:48 pm oh no Kelpy 8:48 pm So... he picked the ex as his loved one? verdigrisprowl 8:48 pm ((you've gotta start referring to prowls as something other than "soundwave's" because there are two different ways that can be read)) NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm [[It seems his information is outdated.]] chronosmith 8:49 pm *pauses over drink #4* have her hide a poison knife somewhere on her person... honestly. Chillsins 8:49 pm She should kill him instead. NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm //Oo, poison knife. I like that.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:49 pm ((the dragon's internal monologue goes "prowl dating soundwave (soundwave's prowl)" and "other prowls")) ((but I will try to specify better)) chronosmith 8:49 pm So many fun ways to kill someone who would do your lvoed ones harm, so little time. *toasts the concept* Hell yeah, Rumble. verdigrisprowl 8:49 pm *his face is usually pretty blank. right now is no exception.* Kelpy 8:49 pm Yeah apparently his info is outdated. chronosmith 8:50 pm Preferably a paralytic agent, right? That way once he just collapses you can do whatever you want. *TIME TO CHUG DRINK #4 HE'S GOING FOR THE RECORD TONIGHT* NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm //Yeah, but not somethin' numbin'.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:50 pm *ah, alright. sometimes he makes expressions at the antics Jim gets up to.* chronosmith 8:50 pm 'Course not. Chillsins 8:50 pm Ooh, what a blow. NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm *Damn. Whirl's knockin' 'em back, ain't he?* chronosmith 8:51 pm There he is again. Doing the stupid thing of flaunting his weakness in front of everyone. Someone's going to cap her. And I'M going to laugh. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm I know, Whirl! He says everyone's motivated by things, and then he shows off his motivation to the whole world. I think I'd feel too much pity to laugh. chronosmith 8:51 pm I dunno, watching him suffer would be fun, I think. chronosmith 8:52 pm He's such a smug little guy. NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm [[Most times, he has the right to be.]] Chillsins 8:52 pm The Ogre. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:52 pm *looks over at Whirl* What flaunt? Chillsins 8:52 pm *Giggles again* chronosmith 8:52 pm It'll make it that much more satisfying when someone ELSE has a chance to be smug. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:52 pm *has no idea what they are watching, cause he's been watching Bird* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm He's not stupid. He does what he does, he does it well, and he takes some pride in that. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:52 pm *but he heard a dino-word* Chillsins 8:53 pm Flaunt means showing off. chronosmith 8:53 pm I can't believe this guy is out here giving Shrek a bad name. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:53 pm Duh! Chillsins 8:53 pm It's a disgrace. opatoes 8:53 pm but what if the murderer's a cop NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[Because placing cops on people has worked so well before.]] *Thinking of the mayor.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm Honestly... I am wondering. chronosmith 8:54 pm The Penguin. *mixing another gaugebuster* He made a point of telling someone that he was able to take down someone once he knew what drove them. Chillsins 8:54 pm She sounds very enthusiastic. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Does he not like being called a riddl- ling. ... Oh no. verdigrisprowl 8:54 pm Enigma is going to commit a murder. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm I think you are right, Prowl. Kelpy 8:54 pm He is SCProwl 8:55 pm Doesn't everyone in this city eventually? NoodlesAtNight 8:55 pm [[The world will be better for it.]] opatoes 8:55 pm hardly an enigma why though chronosmith 8:55 pm And yet here he is, making it obvious for anyone who wants a chance at hurting HIM. He loves his progenitor. Loves her sooo much. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:55 pm It surely will be. NoodlesAtNight 8:55 pm [[Though it is against the law.]] verdigrisprowl 8:55 pm ... With exquisitely misleading evidence. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm Progenitor means..... ? Chillsins 8:55 pm Creator. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm Oh! chronosmith 8:55 pm What he said. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm Me Swoop creator is Ratchet. And Wheeljack! chronosmith 8:56 pm *takes his new drink and finally returns to the couch, flopping back next to Rumble and staring darkly at the screen* NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm //Probably figures he's strong enough to make sure don't nobody touch her.// Chillsins 8:56 pm And how does that make you feel? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm HAH. NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm @W: //...You okay, mech?// MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm Feel? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm I can hear Alfred's blood pressure going up. Chillsins 8:56 pm You have feelings, yeah? chronosmith 8:56 pm ((alfred's smile omg)) SCProwl 8:56 pm ((it's like that, bruce Kelpy 8:56 pm IS this the beginning of the Batman/Catwoman ship[ MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm Yah! Duh! chronosmith 8:56 pm @R: I will be. NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm [[It must be. He does seem enamored of her.]] Chillsins 8:57 pm Eh, it was a joke anyway. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:57 pm Jokes funny SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm It's very cute. Hatchlings can't pairbond, but it does seem like that's where it's heading. NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm @W: //Anythin' I could do? Somethin' I oughta know? Mechs I gotta punch?// Chillsins 8:57 pm You're funny. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:57 pm Yah! 😆 chronosmith 8:58 pm *outwardly, he shakes his head* ... @R: Just feeling. Off tonight. *obviously thought he could handle a little something he couldn't* Chillsins 8:58 pm *Nods.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:58 pm Me Swoop am very funny SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm Oh no. Is he going to get into a fistfight with a serial killer? Chillsins 8:58 pm I mean, I would. verdigrisprowl 8:58 pm ... Is he implying that specializing in fake boobs and having ethics are considered incompatible to humans? SCProwl 8:58 pm No, he's going to almost get run over by a serial killer. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm I would too, if I was designed for fistfights. Chillsins 8:58 pm But then, I tend to win fistfights. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:59 pm I don't fistfight. I bite bite. NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm [[.........He has no idea. He did not know that could even be falsified.]] verdigrisprowl 8:59 pm Are fake boobs unethical? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:59 pm Me Swoop fistfight AND bite 😆 NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm [[Perhaps if they've been weaponized. Filled with poison gas, or something of the sort.]] Chillsins 8:59 pm Do you Swoop win? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm Yah! Most. Chillsins 9:00 pm Good. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm Sometimes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:00 pm Brave, brave man. verdigrisprowl 9:00 pm I've never seen weaponized boobs. Chillsins 9:00 pm Whirl has weaponized boobs. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm Me Swoop am smallest Dinobot. Sludge can squish Me. chronosmith 9:00 pm *takes a long drink, and then nudges Rumble* @R: I really DO appreciate your willingness to fight anything that might have upset me. ...and I don't doubt your ability, either. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm Grimlock and Slag PUNCH NoodlesAtNight 9:00 pm [[Of course you have.]] *Soundwave stretches an arm out to point at Laserbeak.* chronosmith 9:01 pm ((omg bruce)) verdigrisprowl 9:01 pm ... You're calling your own deployer a boob? Soundwave. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:01 pm *laughter* I feel sorry for poor Barbara. I mean, I don't. chronosmith 9:01 pm I do! opatoes 9:01 pm barbera has a daughter now SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:01 pm But, she was flabbergasted. NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm *Soft huffing.* [[Anatomical jokes. She is quite competent, I assure you.]] chronosmith 9:01 pm I got the best damn boobs of all. The kind that can kill someone. NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm {{Competent! Bird BEST.}} MedicalMurdersaurus 9:01 pm Boob Chillsins 9:02 pm Killer boobs all around. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm *is being a parrot, not adding to the conversation* opatoes 9:02 pm oh dear SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:02 pm *looks over at-* WHIRL. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm ((jesus christ)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:02 pm IT'S HAPPENING. Chillsins 9:02 pm *Don't be silly boob is an essential element to any conversation.* chronosmith 9:02 pm GOOD. Chillsins 9:02 pm Well, Whirl, you were right. chronosmith 9:02 pm ...oh damn he's doing even worse. He's. opatoes 9:02 pm is... is oswald getting a stepdad NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm *Rumble nods to Whirl. Of course he's willing to fight. But if it ain't something that can be shared, he'll be quiet.* chronosmith 9:03 pm *he's joking, but he's delivering it straight* He's going to be his new dad. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:03 pm *laughs* What a twist. Chillsins 9:03 pm He doesn't seem like a good new dad. Kelpy 9:03 pm Aw, she cleans up cute for a kid. verdigrisprowl 9:03 pm *leans on Soundwave* Anyway, I meant human boobs. Not weapons in approximately the same place as boobs. chronosmith 9:03 pm That makes his revenge even more perfect. SCProwl 9:03 pm ((baby batcat is so adorable <3 NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm *Leans back in.* [[Ah. Then he does not think he has seen any, either. But he is not interested in interfacing with organics.]] Chaoit 9:04 pm ((Ihoi NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm [[Perhaps some of them are hiding them.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:04 pm Wise idea, Harvey. Bets on the new girlfriend being the corpse in the bed? opatoes 9:04 pm oh no oh no oh no verdigrisprowl 9:04 pm ... Do you need to be interested in interfacing with organics to see weaponized boobs? Chillsins 9:05 pm I've seen organic boobs. verdigrisprowl 9:05 pm ...... I HAVE seen a weaponized bra. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm I have never met a dragon with boobs, much less weaponized boobs. NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm [[He does not imagine they would disrobe for any other reason. They do not on their shows. Except for bathing, and he is not interested in that either.]] *Pause.* [[You have?]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm *she assumes boobs are like what Whirl has, with machine guns* verdigrisprowl 9:05 pm Yes. It wasn't a very good weapon. Chillsins 9:05 pm *Let's just say that Spec's assumption is right.* opatoes 9:05 pm that is your name! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:06 pm That pretty boring dance Chillsins 9:06 pm Yeah. NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm [[...What did it do?]] opatoes 9:07 pm One mistake? SCProwl 9:07 pm ((oh hey, Niles opatoes 9:07 pm ... Is it that he got caught? NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm //Heck of an ongoin' single mistake.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm I suspect it was that he got caught. Chillsins 9:07 pm Pfft. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:07 pm Them need Bird for better dance music : > verdigrisprowl 9:07 pm Briefly obscure an officer's vision. chronosmith 9:07 pm *they are two guns, not necessarily machine guns* Chillsins 9:07 pm Yes, let's have a public fight, at a ball no less. chronosmith 9:08 pm Hell yeah, Cat. NoodlesAtNight 9:08 pm *Soundwave straightens up, motionless - then leans forward, shoulders shaking.* {{Peh. Them not know how dancing Bird music.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm Riddling human, no. opatoes 9:08 pm riddle man SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm Don't do it. NoodlesAtNight 9:08 pm //Aw, c'mon, don't kill 'im in public.// opatoes 9:08 pm is he gonna... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm *the dragon hides her face* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:08 pm How dance for Bird music? :V Chillsins 9:08 pm His name makes me think of doughnuts. NoodlesAtNight 9:08 pm //They're all gonna see.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm NO. chronosmith 9:08 pm I mean, I don't dance, of course, but if I did, I'd need something more sprightly than THAT limp stuff. Kelpy 9:09 pm [twitches fingers] NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm //HE needs a firm hand. Squeezin' his puny flesh neck.// opatoes 9:09 pm ... Nygma please demolish him somehow chronosmith 9:09 pm Honestly, yeah. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:09 pm *groans* He's going to commit a murder. He doesn't know it yet, but he's going to. Poor riddling human, he's going to be arrested by the Jim human. verdigrisprowl 9:10 pm Yep. He's definitely plotting murder. NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm {{Bird dance music for strong, fast.}} chronosmith 9:10 pm More power to him. Go for it! Take your first life! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:10 pm *bobs a little as he tries to imagine some of Bird's songs* chronosmith 9:11 pm I think he's ruined his chances with that girl by being creepy but honestly, what's more romantic than presenting your beau with the corpse of someone who hurt them? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:11 pm Give us a picture, old man. Chillsins 9:11 pm He had surgery, perhaps. They showed us that. opatoes 9:11 pm He did go to a surgical place chronosmith 9:12 pm Yeah. Bunch of folks with brand new faces. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm He did indeed. verdigrisprowl 9:12 pm Even recommended an employee to them. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm OH. chronosmith 9:12 pm Oh, come on, that's not so bad. opatoes 9:12 pm oh dear SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm *the dragon makes a face* How did he EAT? chronosmith 9:12 pm *perks up; oh, this is good* *Whirl is HERE to watch him squirm* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:12 pm ((that is some next level emo fringe)) Chillsins 9:13 pm (( It bothers me, it looks so greasy. )) chronosmith 9:13 pm *leans forward, optic widening* opatoes 9:13 pm oh wow chronosmith 9:13 pm Oh, this is too good. This is TOO GOOD. NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm ((it's supposed to; he's a dirty birdy. they give him dirty nails and whatnot too)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:13 pm *the dragon watches with bated breath* Chillsins 9:14 pm (( It's NASTY. )) (( But yes I have noticed. )) chronosmith 9:14 pm He should've kept going and gave her a heart attack. verdigrisprowl 9:14 pm Hm. And here I thought he was just going to hurt her. He DID hurt her, but not the way I expected. NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm [[The way he hurt her is worse.]] Kelpy 9:14 pm Dunno, mental and emotional anguish for her seems to be more effectve. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:14 pm The Penguin is going to kill him. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm ((barb why do you have xenomorph hair)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:15 pm ((just because you have big hair doesn't mean you have enough secrets to fill it)) Kelpy 9:15 pm Ed, nooo. Chillsins 9:15 pm Sure was, sicko. chronosmith 9:15 pm Oh, boo hoo. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:16 pm Mhm. chronosmith 9:16 pm Go sit in a corner and cry about it. Kelpy 9:16 pm She's a horrible girlfriend. verdigrisprowl 9:16 pm Oh, you poor, lonely little sparkless killer. opatoes 9:16 pm dump him Kelpy 9:16 pm You don't wanna date her either. chronosmith 9:16 pm I mean, point, Swerve. SCProwl 9:16 pm Ugh. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:16 pm Bite his lips off. opatoes 9:16 pm oh no chronosmith 9:16 pm Ha. Nice. Chillsins 9:17 pm Nice. opatoes 9:17 pm good teamwork! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:17 pm Good job, bitlets! chronosmith 9:18 pm What an intimidating callout. Kelpy 9:18 pm Ed, please. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm Riddling human. No, opatoes 9:18 pm ed oh no chronosmith 9:18 pm Ohh, is this where it happens? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm No. He's going to do it. Kelpy 9:18 pm [holds face] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm Of course he is. chronosmith 9:18 pm *clicks his free claw eagerly* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm *sighs and winces* chronosmith 9:18 pm HAHAAA SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm There it goes. chronosmith 9:18 pm There ya go! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:18 pm And he just realized how good he is at it. chronosmith 9:19 pm Look at him! He's getting into it! opatoes 9:19 pm whoooooops chronosmith 9:19 pm This is precious. This is honestly precious. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm Clean yourself up, riddling human. SCProwl 9:19 pm This won't be the last time he does this. verdigrisprowl 9:19 pm Enigma. You should have stopped at one. opatoes 9:19 pm ... he's been investigating this stuff for years he should know how to hide the evidence Kelpy 9:19 pm [anorts at Prowl] NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm [[What difference does it make? The fleshling is dead either way.]] Chillsins 9:19 pm One would think. verdigrisprowl 9:19 pm You're a forensic investigator, you know that multiple stabs show evidence of a crime of passion. NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm [[Ah.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm It will not be his last. chronosmith 9:20 pm If he burns the body, though, they won't be able to figure out how many times he was stabbed! ...*again is paying close attention* verdigrisprowl 9:20 pm You'd be surprised. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:20 pm I don't exactly think he is thinking straight. Chillsins 9:20 pm Eat the body. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:20 pm ...That would do it. NoodlesAtNight 9:20 pm //.....Yeah, I don't think she bought it, buddy.// MedicalMurdersaurus 9:20 pm Me SWOOP can burn bodies! :V chronosmith 9:21 pm Nope. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:21 pm Of course not. Chillsins 9:21 pm Please do not demonstrate in the building. chronosmith 9:21 pm All that cleverness couldn't make him a decent liar. I'm going to ENJOY this. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:21 pm With FACE > SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:21 pm It's hard to lie to a docent. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT. opatoes 9:21 pm oswald no verdigrisprowl 9:21 pm Anyway, if you burn a body, then you have a burned body to deal with. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:21 pm WHY THERE Kelpy 9:21 pm Was... was he just a delivery man opatoes 9:21 pm Oswald are you gonna have to clean that up chronosmith 9:21 pm Scatter the ashes! verdigrisprowl 9:22 pm And the site of the burning. chronosmith 9:22 pm Right into that nasty water. verdigrisprowl 9:22 pm And during the time that it's burning, you have a fire. chronosmith 9:23 pm The police force in this town is stretched thin, and half of it's corrupt--go to a place where you know they won't go. Some big crime lord's stomping ground. He works for the cops, he knows the regulars. They might think it's a message for that hotshot new commissioner who's making waves--you kill one of his men and burn the body? Sounds like a message. chronosmith 9:24 pm Obviously a lot of this is "right time, right place" but he's in the right time at the right place. verdigrisprowl 9:24 pm No, the best strategy would be to make the killing look as anonymous and pointless as possible. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:24 pm *laughs despite herself* Oh, no. opatoes 9:24 pm ... is the music included or verdigrisprowl 9:24 pm One stab. Take his wallet. Leave him there. SCProwl 9:24 pm It might be. NoodlesAtNight 9:24 pm ((and now, for lighter content)) chronosmith 9:24 pm *tilts his head thoughtfully* Fair. Gotham's probably rife with that sort of thing. opatoes 9:24 pm like does he have the music start up anytime someone enters SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:24 pm That would be a fancy torture dungeon, to have its own soundtrack. He is rich enough. opatoes 9:24 pm lighter content sounds good right now but also cliffhanger Kelpy 9:24 pm ... chronosmith 9:24 pm BUT I'm talking about what you do AFTER you thoroughly enjoy yourself by stabbing him a bunch of times. Kelpy 9:25 pm Spiderman!@ verdigrisprowl 9:25 pm And that's why he shouldn't have stabbed a bunch of times. opatoes 9:25 pm SPIDEY chronosmith 9:25 pm I mean, you know how it is, in the heat of the moment. ...well, maybe not you. SCProwl 9:25 pm ...what is this then? verdigrisprowl 9:25 pm Yeah, can't relate. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:25 pm Bird NoodlesAtNight 9:25 pm [[Hmm. A dungeon that plays its own music.]] Chillsins 9:25 pm Snow fort. NoodlesAtNight 9:25 pm //It's the Avengin' superheroes. Different from Bat guy's world.// SCProwl 9:25 pm It wouldn't be difficult to set up something like that. Chillsins 9:25 pm *Pouts.* Kelpy 9:26 pm [thinking face] chronosmith 9:26 pm Then take it from an expert: getting to take out the full brunt of your revenge on someone who deserves it is a rare and highly treasured experience. opatoes 9:26 pm I want a lego movie about my universe chronosmith 9:26 pm Worth the extra work of hiding the evidence. Chillsins 9:26 pm Eat the snowball. chronosmith 9:26 pm ((this is adorbale omg)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((it is really really cute lmao)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:26 pm *chews on his lip* opatoes 9:27 pm ((man now i'm imagining if they got to do like... do lego transformers movies)) Chillsins 9:27 pm It's a secret. Or not. NoodlesAtNight 9:27 pm ((there's the kreon commercials)) [[Ugh. Evil snow.]] opatoes 9:27 pm ((true! but it's no full episode or movie)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:27 pm How does one make /evil/ snow, anyways? Chillsins 9:27 pm You pee in it. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:27 pm Kehehheh Him squisih NoodlesAtNight 9:28 pm [[It's inherent to all snow.]] opatoes 9:28 pm how do you pe- I don't want to ask do I Kelpy 9:28 pm Some long tentacles Chillsins 9:28 pm Snow is pretty great. opatoes 9:28 pm uuuuggggh why are there so many feelers NoodlesAtNight 9:28 pm //Pfhfhfgehhghgehehh.// opatoes 9:28 pm he's wh Kelpy 9:28 pm [snickers about opverload] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:28 pm I like snow. opatoes 9:28 pm phfhffbfff Chillsins 9:28 pm A snowflake a day keeps the Soundwaves away. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:28 pm Kehhehh Bird! He walk like BIrd. *waggles fingers* Feelers. chronosmith 9:29 pm ...you. *blinks at Rumble* You good? opatoes 9:29 pm Why can't you eat dryer lint ... what's dryer lint NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm //Yeah. 'S nothin'.// NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm [[Hmm. He wouldn't mind two more.]] Chillsins 9:29 pm Calamari is squid. opatoes 9:29 pm I wonder how much web fluid messy can make opatoes 9:30 pm I wanna try doing a spider-man style swing! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm Web fluid? Chillsins 9:30 pm *Squeals.* Kelpy 9:30 pm Too many overloads. opatoes 9:30 pm Yeah! The stuff used to-phpfhfhff To make webs! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm ((cro did you do this on purpose XD)) Chillsins 9:30 pm *Doubles over.* chronosmith 9:30 pm ((THERE'S MY BOOOYYYY)) NoodlesAtNight 9:30 pm ((i might've)) verdigrisprowl 9:30 pm *"he must have overloaded doc ock himself." SNORTS* Chillsins 9:30 pm (( VENOM. )) chronosmith 9:30 pm (9I AGREE LOKI)) verdigrisprowl 9:30 pm ((ABSOLUTELY WORTH OVERLOADING)) opatoes 9:31 pm ... give him the hot dog NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm [[What a precious creature.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:31 pm *the dragon is enjoying watching everyone else here try not to die laughing* chronosmith 9:31 pm Soundwave. Chillsins 9:31 pm That's enough for me, I can't handle any more overloads. chronosmith 9:31 pm I have some questions. NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm [[Yes?]] Chillsins 9:31 pm (( I gotta miss Venom, I'm out. )) opatoes 9:31 pm big mood spidey NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm //I don't think eyes is where tendrils go when overloadin's in the picture.// chronosmith 9:31 pm You got a little something on the brain? Kelpy 9:31 pm [giggles] NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm ((awww seeya)) SCProwl 9:31 pm I doubt he was aiming for your eye. opatoes 9:31 pm SOUNDS NO chronosmith 9:32 pm *SNORK* verdigrisprowl 9:32 pm Don't kinkshame, Rumble. SCProwl 9:32 pm *huffs* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:32 pm *the dragon just had to hear prowl say "kinkshame. that's it, she's laughing* opatoes 9:32 pm f chronosmith 9:32 pm *second snork* Chillsins 9:32 pm *Picks himself up. He must take care of his spawn.* NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm //I ain't shamin' nothin'. I'm jus' sayin'. Sounds more painful than fun.// Chillsins 9:33 pm Bye, suckers. Have fun overloadin'. opatoes 9:33 pm Owww... NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm *Bird cackles.* chronosmith 9:33 pm I'm going to agree. opatoes 9:33 pm phhhff- MedicalMurdersaurus 9:33 pm ((KEBOB BUB)) NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm [[And he doesn't know what you mean, Whirl.]] opatoes 9:33 pm He's poor give him food! chronosmith 9:33 pm I've only ever had anything like tendrils very briefly but they weren't something you'd wanna put in sensitive places. Chillsins 9:33 pm *And he's gone.* chronosmith 9:34 pm Seeya, loser! opatoes 9:34 pm Aww, bye Windchill. Chillsins 9:34 pm My spawn await. (( Gotta pick up sister but I'll try to pop in next week. )) NoodlesAtNight 9:34 pm ((kk! drive safe)) SCProwl 9:34 pm ((the very vincible iron man NoodlesAtNight 9:34 pm ((LOL)) opatoes 9:34 pm You smell it? Ewwww. Chillsins 9:34 pm (( Thanks for LEGO. )) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:35 pm Him Spiderbot like spider stuff NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm [[THAT IS NOT HOW THOSE WORK.]] [[...He thinks.]] *Mildly concerned now.* Kelpy 9:35 pm That's too many overloads. chronosmith 9:36 pm ((O/ DRIVE SAFE DUDE)) Chaoit 9:36 pm ....diiiid I chose a bad time to walk in? opatoes 9:36 pm Blaster! Welcome! SCProwl 9:36 pm ((i love that iron fist line forever opatoes 9:36 pm ... p primus chronosmith 9:36 pm *okay he can't help but snicker* verdigrisprowl 9:36 pm Hi. We're watching euphemisms. NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm *HUFF* chronosmith 9:36 pm Y-yeah. Everyone knows overloading on the battlefield is the best. NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm //HAAAAAAA// opatoes 9:37 pm What SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:37 pm *WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUNNY* Kelpy 9:37 pm [cackles] opatoes 9:37 pm PFHFHPHFFF- chronosmith 9:37 pm *LAUGHS* NoodlesAtNight 9:37 pm *Rumble slumps sideways on the couch, fans whirling madly. He's laughing into his arms.* verdigrisprowl 9:37 pm *"AN ARMY OF OVERLOADS." snnnrk* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:37 pm *is laughing at this for ENTIRELY unrelated reasons* *is this show's actual target audience* Kelpy 9:37 pm [slumps down onto couch and just losing it] NoodlesAtNight 9:37 pm *Soundwave is not far behind. He's hiding his face on Prowl's shoulder.* opatoes 9:37 pm /Smokescreen's giggly the entire time/ Chaoit 9:38 pm Hi, Smokescreen...and...kinda....that's what they are, huh? NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm *Swoop: The only one actually taking this show correctly.* SCProwl 9:38 pm *rubs visor and laughs into wrist* opatoes 9:38 pm Oh! Blaster, Blaster, do you know any instruments? NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm //That ain't a skateboard! They're flat!// chronosmith 9:38 pm Hell yeah it's a skateboard! Look, it's as good as a skateboard. chronosmith 9:39 pm ...maybe it's more like a hoverboard. NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm //THAT,// *pointing with one arm and trying not to laugh.* //Is a HOVERBOARD.// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:39 pm *hey, just because the dragon doesn't know why everyone's laughing doesn't mean that she's not laughing about it either* Chaoit 9:39 pm Instruments? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:39 pm Him Hulk like Slag kehehh Chaoit 9:39 pm Yeah chronosmith 9:39 pm Are you sure? *peers* Cos it looks... like. opatoes 9:39 pm Really? You wanna try one right now? chronosmith 9:39 pm An. Overload. opatoes 9:39 pm I got a new alt mode, and it's really cool! NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm *Rumble howls.* chronosmith 9:40 pm *watches, amused* NoodlesAtNight 9:40 pm [[/Do not call him fist./]] Chaoit 9:40 pm Like what? verdigrisprowl 9:40 pm What's wrong with calling him fist? opatoes 9:41 pm /Smokescreen's transforming into an instrumental organ!/ NoodlesAtNight 9:41 pm [[...Nothing.]] Chaoit 9:41 pm !!! verdigrisprowl 9:41 pm *at this point he's snorting every time they say "overload"* Chaoit 9:41 pm Since when did you turn into that? Kelpy 9:41 pm [just actively crying at this point] opatoes 9:42 pm Since yesterday, pretty much! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:42 pm *hops too* Chaoit 9:42 pm Cool! NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm *Rumble just falls off the couch at this point. He's done. He's gone. Rumble is no more.* opatoes 9:42 pm I know, right? You wanna try playing me later? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:42 pm The Man of Spiders NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm {{Peh. That not Man of Spiders. Tarantulas Man of Spiders.}} chronosmith 9:43 pm *drapes a claw dramatically over his chest as he mourns the loss of his beau* Chaoit 9:43 pm Ah...depends on how late you stay chronosmith 9:43 pm He gave himself. An overload. opatoes 9:43 pm Sounds good! I can stay a while tonight. verdigrisprowl 9:43 pm Several. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:43 pm Tarantulas chronosmith 9:43 pm So it would seem. verdigrisprowl 9:44 pm Well. You have to learn to enjoy your own company before you can learn to enjoy anyone else's. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:44 pm Him nooot Spiderman keheh chronosmith 9:44 pm That is PATENTLY untrue, Prowl. Kelpy 9:44 pm He made them wax the floor too much verdigrisprowl 9:45 pm Well. It certainly helps. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:45 pm You Bird thiiink Spiderbot want to funny *points at the screen* movie? NoodlesAtNight 9:45 pm {{Maybe next time, neheh.}} Kelpy 9:46 pm HAhahah MedicalMurdersaurus 9:46 pm Him weeeird bot SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:46 pm *the dragon stretches* That was... something. A good finish, maybe? chronosmith 9:46 pm Someone, please. This was a cry for help. Someone help our generous host. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:46 pm BUT! *bounces* Web fun. chronosmith 9:47 pm ...*peeps over the couch and reaches down to clamp one claw on Rumble, lifting him claw-machine-style* And maybe Rumble, too. You still alive? Kelpy 9:47 pm [still giggling quietly where he's slumped on the couch] NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm *The weakest raised hand with thumb up ever.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:48 pm *perks up at the music* Oh! No more movie. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:48 pm Goodnight, everyone! *she's taking the butter with her* NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm *Soundwave just stays with his visor hidden. He doesn't want to look at anyone else here right now. They might see that he's laughing.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:48 pm Me Swoop have to back now, Bird? NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm //N-night, dr-d- dragon.// opatoes 9:48 pm OH oh oh Blaster, Blaster- do you want to try that thing, by the way? chronosmith 9:48 pm *reaches over and deposits him on the couch* I think he'll make it. See you, Butterbeast. NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm //Whoop!!// SCProwl 9:48 pm ((I saw the Cap and Iron Man short and now I want to watch it NoodlesAtNight 9:49 pm {{Ya. Bird got to work. Other Cybertron, far, far.}} Chaoit 9:49 pm Sure? -he's a little worried about everyone's laughter at this point- MedicalMurdersaurus 9:49 pm *kicks his legs and looks disappointed* Kaaay NoodlesAtNight 9:49 pm ((oh! time marker, uhhh, 10:05)) opatoes 9:49 pm /Smokescreen's transforming to root mode, scooting closer to blaster, before transforming back to organ mode again./ You ever try this kinda instrument? SCProwl 9:50 pm Well, tonight was certainly... something. Chaoit 9:50 pm Hmn...kinda. It's been a while since I've had time to play any instrument opatoes 9:50 pm It's been a really interesting night, yeah! opatoes 9:51 pm Wait, really? What kinda stuff can you do? What are the pedals at the bottom for? chronosmith 9:51 pm Okay. I got a request, if you got the time for it. Literally ANY instrumental version of Moon River you can find. Don't care what kind of cover it is. SCProwl 9:51 pm You can play? NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm [[He apologizes for nothing. It is good to break from tense content.]] SCProwl 9:52 pm Yes, these Gotham stories have certainly been overloaded with tension. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:52 pm *pushes off the couch to stand up, then stands around awkwardly* chronosmith 9:52 pm *somewhere deep down, Whirl appreciates it. That scene from the beginning has been playing on an endless loop in his mind all night. ..and on that note, he still has a double Gaugebuster to take care of, so he'll start drinking* Chaoit 9:52 pm I was taught how to play most instruments, but that was before the War NoodlesAtNight 9:52 pm *Another huff.* [[You were waiting for that.]] chronosmith 9:53 pm *not instrumental, but he can appreciate Audrey Hepburn* *salutes Soundwave* NoodlesAtNight 9:53 pm ((ah i missed it was instrumental requested)) chronosmith 9:54 pm ((o7 you're fine my ddue!)) ...ddue)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:54 pm *doesn't know what to do with himself, so he wanders closer to Bird, pauses long enough to be a lanky weirdo, then turns to the door* NoodlesAtNight 9:54 pm *Bird pats Swoop, scoops the treat mush up to plop it on his shoulder, cackles, and flies upstairs* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:54 pm ((whoops! XD)) chronosmith 9:54 pm ((i figure under the circumstances it makes sense for soundwave maybe to have missed that. what with all the overloads)) NoodlesAtNight 9:54 pm ((AHAHGAHHG)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:54 pm *laughs at the mush, brushing it off onto the floor and then just meandering out towards the door* Chaoit 9:55 pm And...maybe. Probably not well, I'm out of practice SCProwl 9:55 pm *says nothing to Soundwave's comment* I'm sure anything you play will be fine. opatoes 9:55 pm Hey! Probably better than me, I've never played before yesterday. Chaoit 9:57 pm ((sorry, bird is screaming his little head off chronosmith 9:57 pm *finishes chugging the last of his drink; drunk? No Tipsy? By now, he is, indeed, tipsy* All right, losers. I'm out. See you next week. Kelpy 9:57 pm Later. [his vents are starting to sound a bit wheezy] NoodlesAtNight 9:57 pm *Wheezy* //Seeya. Don't stay gone too long.// NoodlesAtNight 9:58 pm *Half-afted bop.* chronosmith 9:58 pm 'Course not. *nudges him affectionately in response to the bop* *and streetches, standing* opatoes 9:59 pm Aww- night! Chaoit 10:00 pm ((anyway! Smokey, you don't mind if Blaster give this a try? chronosmith 10:00 pm *salutes one last time, and he is gone* opatoes 10:01 pm ((He doesn't mind at all! he's pretty much like "hey play me i wanna learn how to play myself")) Chaoit 10:02 pm ((oh, awesome, gotcha Chaoit 10:03 pm Alright...this might feel a bit weird...but I'll see what I remember opatoes 10:03 pm It's all good! Soundwave tapped me once earlier, I'm sure this won't feel weird. NoodlesAtNight 10:04 pm [[Ah. Perhaps you should play outside? The music will clash.]] opatoes 10:04 pm Oh. Oh yeah, that's true- Dang. Kelpy 10:04 pm Has there ever even been instrument alt modes before? Other than like, radios. opatoes 10:05 pm I think there has been! But in like, the universe where they're 90% chins SCProwl 10:05 pm I arrested someone that could turn into a drum once. Kelpy 10:05 pm Wild. Chaoit 10:05 pm -snorts- Wow NoodlesAtNight 10:08 pm [[Let him guess. You heard the drumbeats and charged him with assault.]] opatoes 10:08 pm Did you have to announce the suspect with a drumroll first? Chaoit 10:08 pm -snorts- Okay that was bad NoodlesAtNight 10:09 pm [[He used all the content on the overload show.]] *Streeeeetch. [[Time to close down for the night, he thinks.]] Kelpy 10:10 pm Good idea. [snickers and slides off the couch] I better get back anyway, Rodimus is waiting for me. So, see ya. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm [[Next time, Swerve.]] *Nod.* SCProwl 10:10 pm Goodnight. Kelpy 10:10 pm HAve fun! opatoes 10:10 pm Aww- well, hope to see you all later! Have a good night. Chaoit 10:10 pm Good night Kelpy 10:10 pm [heads for the door] opatoes 10:10 pm Do you need any help cleaning up or anything, Soundwave? NoodlesAtNight 10:11 pm [[No, thank you. He'll see to that later.]] opatoes 10:11 pm Fair enough! Have a good night, then. NoodlesAtNight 10:12 pm *Nods.* opatoes 10:12 pm /Smokescreen's grabbing a few drinks before finally heading off!/ Chaoit 10:13 pm -and he's waving a farewell himself as he leaves himself- verdigrisprowl ... leans on soundwave 10:31 pm NoodlesAtNight 10:32 pm *Leans back.* [[He apologizes for using your shoulder as a shield earlier. His visor was visualizing his laughter.]] verdigrisprowl 10:34 pm ... It was /what/? I—have I seen it do that before? NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[You haven't. He was going to put on a smiling face at all the accusations about his personal needs but could not keep control over it after doing so.]] verdigrisprowl 10:35 pm ... Can I see? NoodlesAtNight 10:37 pm *Considers.* [[He can replay the content if that is sufficient? Unless you think you'd like to make him laugh that hard.]] verdigrisprowl 10:39 pm *he considers it.* I don't think I can do it on command. *a pause.* ... Although I wish I could. NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm [[You enjoy it that much, then?]] verdigrisprowl 10:41 pm What? You laughing? *is definitely not looking at Soundwave* ... yes. NoodlesAtNight 10:43 pm *Hmm. That's - it's - he doesn't know what it is, but he likes knowing that. Sweet? Is that sweet? He feels like it counts.* [[Then give him a moment.]] verdigrisprowl 10:44 pm You don't have to laugh on command. That's— It's not— It doesn't count if it's not natural. NoodlesAtNight 10:45 pm [[He won't. He can just repeat the last things it displayed - or would you rather wait until next time?]] *He's confused now, Prowl.* verdigrisprowl 10:45 pm Oh—yes, I'd like to see what you displayed. NoodlesAtNight 10:50 pm *Ah, good. He'd hate to think he pulled it up for nothing.* [[He'll be playing it at high speed this time, of course.]] *It starts out as the smiling face, as he said, but quickly flickers through two more on the way to a more expressive third. That one fuzzes out and disintegrates into wobbling pink and yellow lines illustrating the sound of laughter nobody can actually hear. They eventually get too wild and collapse back into rolling bands of static, right about the time of peak laughter. His visor stopped being able to make sense of the data being fed to it at that point.* verdigrisprowl 10:52 pm *he turns sideways, puts his elbow over the back of the couch, and props his chin in his hand to watch the display.* *he's smiling dumbly by the end.* NoodlesAtNight 10:53 pm *That is the most delightful thing. Look at that smile. He put that there. He might have done something regrettable a year ago, but - surely he can't have done _too_ much that's legitimately awful and still get an expression like that?* verdigrisprowl 10:54 pm *he catches himself pretty quickly, reels his face back in, and looks down—but there's still a hint of it.* Thank you. NoodlesAtNight 10:56 pm *He snaps a shot of it before it fades and pings affection.* [[You're welcome.]] *Pause.* [[...You don't have to hide that if we are alone, you know. There is only him to see it, and he is not inclined to share the image with others.]] verdigrisprowl 10:57 pm Oh. Sorry. It just—feels strange, when I notice it. verdigrisprowl 10:58 pm ... You know how, if you stop and think about your ventilations, suddenly you're not naturally ventilating anymore, you have to consciously control your fans and filters? NoodlesAtNight 10:59 pm [[There is never a need to apologize for that.]] *Soundwave leans over.* [[And he does not think it strange at all. It is - hmm.]] *How to describe it without spooking Prowl with too big a compliment.* [[It is one of the most appealing sights he knows of. But - yes, he does. How is it like that?]] verdigrisprowl 11:01 pm It's consciously controlled, at that point. And once it's consciously controlled, it's—fake. It feels like a fake smile. NoodlesAtNight 11:04 pm [[Ahhh. He sees. Then he will just have to continue being quick to record them, before you notice you're doing it.]] *Huff.* verdigrisprowl 11:06 pm Pff. ... How many do you have, at this point. NoodlesAtNight 11:06 pm [[At least a few dozen.]] NoodlesAtNight 11:07 pm [[And a few laughs.]] NoodlesAtNight 11:08 pm [[He keeps them in the same sector as his collection of singing mechs.]] *Slow bob.* [[Though it occurs to him you have seen /his/ face far less often, let alone smiling.]] verdigrisprowl 11:09 pm True. ... But I can see your shoulders. NoodlesAtNight 11:10 pm [[That is enough for you? You seemed to, ah...]] *After the overload short, this is difficult not to laugh at.* [[You rather liked how he looked with just a standard visor.]] verdigrisprowl 11:11 pm Ah. Yes. I did. Do. verdigrisprowl 11:12 pm *wow there's something very interesting to look at over by the bar.* ... But your shoulders... er. vibrate? when you laugh. Tiny shakes. NoodlesAtNight 11:12 pm *Ravage squints. What are you looking at.* NoodlesAtNight 11:13 pm [[That is true. His shoulders shake, and you...]] *Soundwave laces his fingers over where his mouth would be.* [[...This works better on you. His fingers are not thick enough.]] verdigrisprowl 11:15 pm *don't worry, Ravage. It's probably Sentinel's ugly mug.* NoodlesAtNight 11:15 pm *Oh, that thing. Don't look too long. You might go as blind as your alternate from the hideousness.* verdigrisprowl 11:15 pm Yeah. I guess I do. ... Anyway, it's... *mumble mumble* NoodlesAtNight 11:16 pm *Soundwave turns his head just so, trying to catch that.* [[........Come again?]] verdigrisprowl 11:17 pm s'nice. NoodlesAtNight 11:18 pm *Leans forward. Bump?* [[Thank you.]] verdigrisprowl 11:20 pm *bump, but he's still not looking at Soundwave. mumble.* NoodlesAtNight 11:21 pm *Another mumble?* [[...Would it be easier to let him feel it instead?]] verdigrisprowl 11:23 pm Feel what? ... The smiles? NoodlesAtNight 11:24 pm *Somewhat hesitantly.* [[Whatever you're having trouble saying.]] verdigrisprowl 11:25 pm Oh. It was just "you're welcome." NoodlesAtNight 11:25 pm [[Ah.]] *Nods. Gentle nuzzle against crest.* [[The offer stands for the future, if need be.]] verdigrisprowl 11:26 pm Hmm. Noted. NoodlesAtNight 11:28 pm [[Is there anything else you'd like of him at the moment?]] *Rest, a norn-frostless overload or three, a discussion, a handstand?* verdigrisprowl 11:29 pm *a long, considering look.* ... Yes. NoodlesAtNight 11:29 pm [[At risk of stating the extremely obvious: He is listening.]] verdigrisprowl 11:30 pm It's an open-ended "yes." NoodlesAtNight 11:32 pm [[Oh! Is this the question game?]] *Sits up slightly.* [[Should he be investigating? Or is he to suggest something himself?]] verdigrisprowl 11:33 pm Oh, no, not a game, I don't have something specific in mind. ... So feel free to suggest something. NoodlesAtNight 11:37 pm [[He has an idea, but he isn't sure where you keep what he is thinking about.]] *Pause* [[And we have a discussion to hold before he finds out where they are. That will be very important.]] verdigrisprowl 11:37 pm ... Go on. NoodlesAtNight 11:39 pm [[He has not tested your handcuffs for you. All the - everything that's happened, since he gave them to you. It distracted him.]] [[There appear to be no world-ending threats at the moment.]] verdigrisprowl 11:39 pm Ssso it would appear, yes. ... For the first time in months. NoodlesAtNight 11:41 pm [[He doubts one will appear any time soon. Historically speaking, this is a slow time of year. If you would - if you want to have that discussion, and perhaps perform the test....]] verdigrisprowl 11:41 pm ... Are world-ending threats seasonal? verdigrisprowl 11:42 pm *no, wait, wrong thing to focus on, Prowl* Ahhh. Yes. That sounds like a— I'd like that. Very much. NoodlesAtNight 11:42 pm [[Everyone needs a vacation, as you've told him before.]] *Oh thank goodness. He thought they were going to get carried away examining his records of various greyface shenanigans and eldritch beings.* [[Then, if you'd accompany him to his apartment--?]] NoodlesAtNight 11:43 pm *Over by the bar, Ravage sticks his nose in the air and closes his optics. As if he was eavesdropping.* *...Well, all right. As if he was eavesdropping with bad intentions, to correct himself.* verdigrisprowl 11:44 pm Gladly. NoodlesAtNight 11:44 pm [[Feel free to lead the way.]] *He might as well get used to that now.* verdigrisprowl 11:46 pm *oh. WELL then. Gets to his feet, and offers a hand to Soundwave.* NoodlesAtNight 11:47 pm *Takes it and stands up.* verdigrisprowl 11:48 pm *opens a bridge for them both, and off they go*

[gilbirda]

Human courting is confusing. Chapter 14

I decided to use the “official” fem!Neuro that appears on the manga, when talking to one of the Fingers in the Sicks arc, when he says that if he were a woman he would convince his victims to give him all their money and donate their organs. Yep, that’s our Neuko.

[FF.net][Ao3]

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Day 14: Genderswapped.

The next few days Neuro embarked in a furious quest to contact Hell without having to pass through. He was out the entire day, searching for the few weak demons that exiled themselves in the World Above for protection, setting aside his hunger until he wasn't able to go on anymore; and then he would search for Yako and drag her around the city, now furiously searching for any mystery to satiate his need. Yako knew him and his tastes, and those mysteries weren't enough for him, their taste too bland for him, but the demon didn't complain about it for once.

While she appreciated the effort he put in keeping her alive and his compromise with their courting (she was still weirded out by the thought of actually dating Neuro), it was pretty lonely and sad without him around. Yeah, Godai sometimes passed by to see how things were going or if the monster had showed his face in the office; and yeah, Neuro kissed her deeply and long enough to make up for the absence, but still. The thing they had, whatever it was called, was too fresh and new and she needed time to process it. Him not being with her was good and bad at the same time: while it gave her enough space to sort out her own feelings and emotions about the situation, she still needed him around. It was then when Yako realised that she missed him, his voice and his warmth beside her, more than she ever did the three years of wait.

Yako sighed for the tenth time as she scrolled down on the page she was checking. It was about bird behaviour and mating seasons. Yeah, that morning she remembered her curiosity about what could have been Neuro signs of the courting, as she couldn't remember anything besides him being "weird". So yeah, here she was alone in the office, again, listening to the soft tap tap of Akane's typing on her computer and reading about parrots' courtship rituals.

"So, they bite, huh…"she said as the picture of a pretty and colorful parrot appeared on the screen. It was nothing like Neuro, of course, but the mental image of the bossy demon posing for a picture in a golden cage like this yellow bird was enough to bring a tiny laugh to the blonde. "Mark territory… I guess. Most animals do," she continued, looking sideways to Akane, who wiggled a bit in agreement. "Nesting?" Yako snorted. As if she would let Neuro make a mess of their office, more than he usually does with his hidden traps. "And the last thing… Feather plucking. Yeah. Because there are so many feathers laying around. Pff."

Angry, she closed the window and threw her head back in exasperation. This was stupid. Neuro was a demon, not a pet, and it was absurd to compare him to a earthly parrot; heck, he didn't even spend a second in his bird form anymore. She couldn't recall any moment where he was on his other form (his true form, she reminded herself) after he revealed himself to her so long ago, so she was just being silly. And kinda lonely.

"Am I just being stupid, right?" she asked to the braid on the wall, sighing. The screeching of the marker on the whiteboard answered her and she turned her head to see Akane's message.

[You are just tired. Neuro must be returning very soon and you could ask him yourself about these things. Rest for a bit.]

"Yeah, that sounds just perfect," she agreed and turned off the computer before heading to the door.

***

As she settled on her bed for a quick afternoon nap, Yako thought about the "signs that your parrot is in mating season" again, trying to fit it with Neuro's behaviour. As she slowly drifted to sleep, she imagined him doing a weird mating dance like those colorful birds on TV.

In her dream she felt her body heavy and awkward, like she was walking through some kind of liquid and gravity was acting weird. In the distance, she heard a voice calling for her and despite not recognising it she walked to it, hoping to find sense in any of this.

What she found was definitely not expected, as a very voluptuous woman waited for her seated gracefully on a leather sofa in a white room with no walls. Her long legs crossed, showing a lot of skin as her skin-tight black dress had slits on the sides, and expensive looking heels on her feet. She would be as tall as Aya, Yako thought, if the gorgeous woman stood up barefoot.

But it was her face what somehow made her sick to her stomach. Framed by perfectly combed black bangs (adorned with his signature yellow triangle beads) was the more slender and feminine face of her torturer.

"My, my," the woman smiled showing all of her pointed teeth. Yako gulped, fearing for her life. "Look who's here. Troubled about something?" she said in the voice that was and wasn't Neuro's clearly mocking her.

"Eh…" Yako was going to say something, but her own voice spooked her. It was way more deep that she remembered, so she touched her neck to confirm her suspicions. Indeed, where it should be smooth and soft there was an Adam's apple. She was a man. And in front of her was the female version of Neuro. Now she was sure she was in a nightmare.

"Cat got your tongue?" the woman stood up and walked seductively to her, a predatory look on her emerald eyes. "If you are wondering, yes, this is a dream and I'm a product of your imagination. Surprise!"

The detective felt like she wanted to sit down, but the leather sofa disappeared, leaving her alone in the same white room where she found the she-demon. This was so disturbing in so many ways.

"You seem to have troubles in your mind, darling," she said in a sweet voice that gave Yako the same upset stomach that the original Neuro does. "I think I could help you."

"Why?"

"Because I am a product of your mind, silly!" she smacked her (his) shoulder with a bit too much force, throwing Yako to the ground. Yep, this was Neuro allright. "I may not be real, but I have access to information your unconscious mind had gathered about your lovey-dovey mate-to-be demon. And I know you are having troubles lately." Well, I wouldn't exactly call him like that on my right mind.

"Very well. What can you say to me to help?"

"Uh-huh. It comes with a price, you know," Neuko, as Yako decided to call the blonde for now, was smiling again. He pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Just perfect.

"Ok, what do you want?" it could be dangerous to say that to the real Neuro, but she was practically herself, right? The smile broadening told her that it didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt.

"I want you to kiss me. And accept that you are into kinky stuff."

"What!?" Yako couldn't believe it. "I am not-"

"Yeah, right. Good try in lying to yourself, honey," the nicknames were starting to give her headaches. "Say it. That you like what he does to you."

Yako pressed her lips together, midway between embarrassed and angry. She was not into BDSM or shibari, but she really wanted to hear what her subconscious had to say in the matter. With a final sigh, she admitted what she was, I must repeat, not. "Alright, I'm into kinky stuff and," he added when Neuko glared at him, "I like what Neuro does to me. Happy?"

"Very!"

"Now answer me."

"Okay," she smiled again and approached Yako, swaying her broad hips with every step. "I'll tell you what you need to know: Neuro loves you, Yako. More than he is aware about. He would be completely lost without you and if you don't love him back or accept his proposal, he would be utterly destroyed," Neuko was much too serious while saying this, making him listen her every word. "And he had been courting you way before you knew about this. Don't you remember every time he said that you were his slave? The poor demon was just too young and full of himself to realise it."

Yako gasped. Was this what she really thought about the matter? That Neuro loved her? She wanted to scream, feeling cheated. Neuko smiled a knowing smile as if she knew what was crossing his mind, something that, in fact, she could.

"Give him time, Yako, and things will fall into their right places." A more legit smile formed on her full lips, and she leaned in until Neuko kissed his cheek softly. "And you must wake up now. He needs you."

"What?" Yako asked, but the white room, and everything inside it, started to melt.

Yako, the real Yako, woke up on her room. It was now dark outside and a chilly breeze came in through an opened window she remembers closing before going to bed. A warmth behind her gave away the demon's presence on her bed, and she turned to see that Neuro was there with his eyes closed, sleeping.

He was kinda cute, she thought, and somewhat innocent when sleeping. No malice, no tortures, just his bare and smooth face. As she was going to caress his cheek, the demon abruptly opened his eyes and jumped to the human, and for a moment the blonde thought that he was angry at being awakened.

"Yako!" he said, his a bit too loud voice ricocheting in the silent room, "They are coming for us!"

"What?" she asked not know what the heck was happening. "Who is?"

"The capybaras! They are going to eat me." It was then that she realised that he had a nightmare as well. Yako blinked.

Wow. So… unexpected. Neuro didn't usually show his weaknesses and that he was clinging to her right now, when he had something as mundane as a nightmare, brought some warmth to her heart. She thought about Neuko's words asking her to be patient and understanding. Maybe this was what she meant: if she waited for Neuro to strip every mask and defensive mechanism he had, he would come to love her as she expected him to. Maybe he was more human than she thought.

And in that exact same moment, like he wanted to prove that he wasn't, the demon chose to bite her on the shoulder.

[cecilspeaks]

Bonus episode - an excerpt from the next Night Vale novel!

One. 

Not everyone believes in mountains. Yet, there they are, in plain sight. Scientists insist, rather halfheartedly, that mountains are the bulging results of tectonic shifts along massive rocky plates. Mountains develop naturally over the course of many millennia, scientists say under their breaths.

Most people believe that mountains aren’t there at all, even if mountains are visible, as they often are. Nonbelievers will explain that our minds create sensory illusions to help explain what we cannot understand. Like the shapes of gods and monsters in the stars, or messages in tea leaves, or government codes in cloud patterns.

Mountains, real or not, ring this desert like the rim of an empty dinner plate. Scattered sparsely along the flat middle are small towns with names like Red Mesa, Pine Cliff, and right in the center, Night Vale.

Above Night Vale are helicopters protecting citizens from themselves and others. Above the helicopters are stars, which are completely meaningless. Above the stars is the void, which is completely meaningful.

Through this crowded sky mysterious lights often pass. These are just alien space crafts, or the auras left by inter-dimensional travelers, but these simple explanations are boring. The people of Night Vale often come up with elaborate stories to explain the lights to themselves.

The sky once loved a certain rock, but millennia of erosion transformed the rock to dust. The sky, not understanding, still signals for its friend who abandoned it. The rock never knew about the sky. The rock only loved the wind that was slowly eroding it. Sometimes it’s OK to find something beautiful without correctly understanding it.

In the center of Night Vale, like in many cities, is its downtown with the usual things a downtown has. City Hall, community radio station, hooded figures, a library, a shimmering vortex blocked off with yellow police tape. Dangerous stray dogs, and propaganda loudspeakers on every corner.

Beyond downtown is Old Town Night Vale, a residential and shopping area planned and developed during the booming economy of the early 1930’s. After the war, the neighborhood fell into disrepair but in recent years, it has seen a regenesis of home owners, neighborhood shops, tall metal trees, and predatory cats.

Beyond Old Town Night Vale are the Sand Wastes, which are exactly what you think they are. And beyond the Sand Wastes are the Scrublands, which are sort of what you think they are. And beyond the Scrublands is the used car lot and Old Woman Josie’s house, and finally, out on the edge of town, the house of Larry Leroy.

Larry had lived by himself for as long as he could remember. He owned a phone which was broken and a car, which sat wheel-less atop four blocks of concrete out back. Hidden under the car, he had an underground shed full of canned goods and bottled water, and a year’s worth of pork sausage preserved in animal fat.

He used to have a shotgun, but he traded it for the car without wheels, figuring a car without wheels was safer than a shotgun. Despite the friendly reminders from the Night Vale chapter of the National Rifle Association: “guns don’t kill people, guns are the new kale, guns are healthy as all get-out”, Larry never felt safe around guns.

When he was in his early 30’s, Larry’s father took him hunting. He didn’t like his father. He didn’t hate him, either. Once when Larry reached into the back of his Dad’s pickup to grab the shotgun, a scorpion resting on the barrel had stung Larry’s hand. He had distrusted guns ever since.

These days, Larry actually liked scorpions. After all they eat squirrels, which he really hated. He rarely paid much attention to the illogical way in which the human mind develops certain phobias.

This evening, he bent over the shoebox on his desk. He was carefully pasting a tiny brown mustache he’d made from a sliver of tree bark, to a tiny W.E.B. Dubois’ face. He still needed to build the arm-mounted laser canon Dubois was known for. Larry heard what sounded like the small claws of squirrels running around in his basement, and he hoped the scorpions were hungry. He turned his attention to his miniature version of the five-headed dragon named Rachel McDaniels, that Dubois often rode when speaking. Dubois spoke from a place of moral and physical authority to the intellectuals and politicians, who stood in the way of equal rights for black Americans. He also spoke from the back of a flying dragon.

Larry was building a diorama celebrating Dubois’ famous defeat of the German army in 1915, depicting him and Rachel in their library, high-fiving upon a copy of the declaration of surrender.

Larry adored this war hero and great orator of civil rights. He enshrined Dubois in fine detail in the cardboard shoebox. Larry’s family never cared much for history, often telling him history didn’t exist, because it was no longer happening. The moment anything occurred, they would say every night at dinner, it was gone. Relegated to the fiction of memory. They would say that with their heads bowed, and then they would begin eating.

Perhaps he had been a rebellious youth. Or perhaps he’d just wanted to explore the often wondrous, often tragic myth of human history. Larry adored his heroes. W.E.B. Dubois. Helen Keller. Red Fox. Luis Valdes. Toni Morrison. He believed it was his responsibility to help carry on their legacy by enshrining their great stories and deeds so that they still felt present in the present.  

History is real, regardless of truth, Larry often said – not with words, but with his actions.

Tiny clothing, facial hair, painted set models, most pieces no bigger than any one of Larry’s fingers. They took a steady eye, a steady hand. Unlike most men, he had grown more steady as he aged, more dexterous in his lack of speed. He expertly placed Dubois’ mustache below the great intellectual’s nose and set the tweezers down to begin working on the diorama’s library backdrop.

Larry heard a whirring hum. He felt it throughout his body. There were undulations in the waves of the noise, smooth ups and downs, easily lulling the subconscious mind of a man hard at work. The troughs and crests of sounds accelerated, soon going from steady ululations to a bumpy roar. The metal plates and cups in his hand-built kitchen were the first to start rattling, followed by the creaking of the roof against the metal trusses. He glanced at the earthquake calendar tacked to his wall. Agents from a vague yet menacing government agency delivered these calendars each month, sliding a manila envelope under the door in the middle of the night. According to the calendar, there was no earthquake scheduled for today.

He looked down at W.E.B. Dubois and Rachel McDaniels in their vast academic library. A drop of Larry’s sweat the size of Dubois’ head landed on McDaniels’ back, smudging the paint and knocking off the freshly glued spines.

Larry wiped his brow. He didn’t sweat often even in the desert heat. “It’s a dry heat,” people from the desert often say to others, trying to disguise the fact that they’re kidding themselves. But the heat today was unusual. He felt it not from the air, but from below his boots, and not the heat of the sun, but a friction. The sun underneath his plywood floor burned, like two worlds rubbing together.

His sleeveless brown undershirt was drenched dark down its sides. He heard the crash of metal plates and cups falling out of the doorless cabinets. The ground, his house, his whole self, shook. It was not the soft wobbling slide of a government-run earthquake. This felt like being punched from below. The desert was being pounded by a giant subterranean fist.

As he stood and staggered into the living room, there was another hard thump and shake of his house. Larry tripped forward, face first, into the frame around his open front door. He wasn’t afraid put for his dioramas. He knew one day there would be an end to all of this, and long before that, there would be an end to Larry. He was not so arrogant as to refer to his own death as The End. Just one of billions of ends before The End. Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.

He knew one day he would be found deceased in his home out on the edge of town. He was unbothered by this. He may not have had children, but the legacy provided by children is limited. Few people know the details of their family past their great-grandparents, and many people don’t even remember that generation. Two generations of memory is all that children provide. And then, everyone is forgotten. But he would leave behind stacks of writing, dioramas, and patchwork quilts. He had a handmade history: his attempt to offer immortality to heroes and perhaps extend his own story as well. Instead of a brief obituary in the Night Vale Daily Journal, he wanted his death to be a story of the discovery of his great collections, the work of his then finished life. He had already written letters for Sarah Sultan, president of the Night Vale Community College; instructions to donate his dioramas to the school’s art department; Leann Hart, editor of the Daily Journal; and Cecil Palmer, host of the community radio station. An obituary he had written for himself, and also ones for Leann and Cecil. And Michelle Nguyen, owner of Dark Owl Records, who would no doubt be pleased to inherit Larry’s vast collection of polka music written, performed, and recorded himself using a concertina and a micro cassette recorder. Michelle loathed any music popular enough to have been heard by more than her and the Dark Owl staff, so Larry’s tunes would be welcome. According to his will, the letters were to be delivered and his belongings distributed accordingly. His artistic and academic endeavors were his children. A legacy that would hopefully last for much longer than two forgetful human generations.

He could feel the bruise beginning to form on his cheek from where he ran into the doorframe. He turned back into the house. The pounding from below was bringing down his kitchen and living room. He watched as the walls and ceiling collapsed and twisted into dust and scrap. Pages of his books and personal writing scattered up toward the helicopters and stars above and fluttered lazily in the wind like unmotivated pigeons.

Lurching forward, arms straight out, using the walls for balance, he rounded the corner back into his art studio. His Dubois and McDaniels diorama was slightly damaged, but recoverable. He picked it up. The wall of other dioramas was still there, decades of meticulous work and loving craftsmanship. His “Pride and Prejudice” diorama, which had been his first, still showed the inconsistencies of a neophyte, but also the bravery of a young artist. Elizabeth Bennett’s sword was soaked with blood; Larry had used his own. And for her eyes, he had used polished onyx. From wherever you stood in the room, Bennett appeared to be staring you down with the passion and vengefulness this dangerous literary villain was known for.

He set the Dubois box down on the work table and walked toward his wall of dioramas. The long plexiglass windows were secured and locked over the displays. The thumping floor jostled him violently. He tugged a bit on each shelf, seeing they were safe, but needing to touch them all to believe it.

Crack! The floorboard below Larry split. He lost his balance, but regained it against the support column next to the shelves. Another loud thump, and half the worktable buckled into a sinkhole growing in the floor. He saw Dubois’ box sliding down toward the opening. He jumped. He rarely jumped or did anything quickly, but now he did both. He grabbed the box, then stepping with his right foot onto the sinking table, he pushed off, hurling himself uncontrolled into the far wall, but managing to cradle the diorama of his favorite orator securely to his chest.

It was silent for a long moment, just Larry breathing. He heard a drop of sweat tap the floor below him. The earth was hot. His feet were beginning to cramp. His head was light. He took Dubois outside and set the box gently on the ground, safely away from the shaking building. He grabbed his wheelbarrow out of the ditch and raced back into the collapsing house. He tossed any important documents he could find, along with his letters to the people of Night Vale into the wheelbarrow. He grabbed the poems and plays he had written. He rushed back into his studio, his arms straining, wheelbarrow already half full. He set his dioramas carefully atop one another in the wheelbarrow, his life’s work, a delicate pyramid of paint, plastic, and paper. He heard the ceiling creak. He placed Jane Austen’s masterpiece on top of the others in the wheelbarrow. As he did, a loud pop and a harsh crunch. His ears were ringing immediately. He fell, or rather slid to his knees. The floor buckled. The empty shelves collapsed. He glanced down into the hole. He saw dirt and wood and plexiglass falling, falling and hitting – nothing. In that hole, he saw a deep endless nothing.

The floor tore away, the wood bending down into the hole below. He struggled to keep his boots’ grip on the steeply angled floor. He gave the wheelbarrow a strong push, knowing if he didn’t make it, he’d at least give the dioramas a fighting chance. The cart lurched a couple of feet and then began rolling back toward him. The pyramid of his life’s work quivered on the verge of tumbling. His boots were sliding. Larry gave one more great shove with his calves, his knees unbent, his body thrust upward. He pushed up the sloping floor, straining but eventually gaining traction and then momentum. He rolled his cart off the top edge of the pit, leaping as if from a ramp into the living room, away from the growing hole behind him. He turned the corner and ran out the front door.

As daylight dwindled slowly across the desert, Larry emerged onto the patio. Out toward the sunset, away from the collapsing home and toward a collapsing earth. The front lawn, mere pebble dirt and leafless shrubs, was gone. Everything up to the ditch was an empty pit. The earth before him was completely gone, and with it W.E.B. Dubois and Rachel McDaniels.

Larry barely had time to process what had happened when there came one more thump. He didn’t know it yet, but it would be the last and the most terrible. The front few steps gave way to an implosion of sand. His palms burned as the wood handles of the wheelbarrow were wrenched from his hands. Elizabeth Bennett’s eyes flashed an angry orange as she fell along with the other enshrined heroes into oblivion. He watched everything that proved he ever had existed fall into the nothing below.

Behind him, he heard the remainder of his house collapse into the pit as well. He stood on a patch of wood in an open doorframe surrounded by a growing, gaping nothing. He stared at the earth dropping away around him, he stared at the stars and the void, which were falling upward away from him. As the ground under his feet dropped away, as he started his fall toward the deep nothing below, Larry didn’t believe what he was seeing. Of course, he didn’t believe mountains were real either, yet there they were, in plain sight. If only for a few seconds more.

Joseph Fink: Hello again. That was an excerpt from the novel “It Devours!” which is out on October 17, and is available for preorder right now. Regular Welcome to Night Vale episodes resume on August 1, plus we have a very exciting new show that is joining the Night Vale Presents family around that same time, so keep an eye out for that. Thanks for listening, have a good summer, or winter if you’re in that part of the world.

[dingoes8myrp]

A Jekyll/Hyde Deal: Vampire Morality in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The vampire lore in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel is a mix of traditional vampire attributes and unique original concepts. While this combination creates an interesting dynamic when it comes to vampire characters, the formula becomes problematic. The rules for these vampires seem to change throughout the show, and it’s often difficult to tell if these changes are compliant with the lore the show sets up for itself. I’m going to be analyzing a few of our favorite vampires alongside the lore itself to try to figure this out. There may be triggery things throughout.

“Welcome to the Hellmouth” and “The Harvest”

The first two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer lay out some ground rules for how vampires work.

Vampires look like regular people.

Every universe is different. In Anne Rice’s world vampires are beautiful, yet distinctive with their porcelain-colored skin, reflective eyes, permanent fangs, and fingernails like glass. In the opening scene of BtVS’s pilot episode, we meet our first vampire: Darla, the nervous presumably teenage woman in the school uniform, complete with pleated skirt. We’re given no indication that she’s anything but human until she strikes, showing her vamp face.

There is a vamp face.

Vampires vamp out differently in every universe. In The Lost Boys they grow two sets of fangs and their eyes turn yellow. In True Blood they have handy retractable fangs that are nice and discreet. When Darla is ready to feed her face morphs. She doesn’t merely grow a pair of fangs. Her brow ridges and cheek bones shift, becoming more pronounced. Her face wrinkles around the eyes, which turn yellow-orange. All of her teeth become sharp and jagged, not just her fangs.

Most people are unaware vampires exist.

In some universes containing vampires there’s widespread knowledge of their existence. In True Blood vampires come out of hiding entirely and fight for equal rights. In The Vampire Diaries they have an in-the-know council dedicated to protecting the town’s citizens from vampires. While it becomes clear early on that Buffy and Giles are aware of vampires due to context clues, Xander picks up a wooden stake Buffy dropped and has no idea what it’s for. When a dead body is found in a locker Buffy is the only one asking weird questions about how the person died. It becomes clear very quickly that most people don’t know vampires exist.

Blood sharing turns a person into a vampire.

Buffy reiterates to Giles: “To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.” This is a pretty standard vampire transformation process and, at this point, doesn’t sound too fancy or complicated. It’s very similar to the Anne Rice process of becoming a vampire. Pretty classic.

There’s only one legitimate vampire hunter.

A unique thing about the Buffyverse is the Slayer: one girl in all the world to fight the monsters. BtVS specifies there’s only one Slayer and that there’s a large number of all kinds of monsters she’s expected to ward off.

Stakes and sunlight kill vampires.

Buffy mentions a stake to the heart will kill a vampire, as will sunlight: “Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight... It's like falling off a log.” Again, pretty standard.

Vampires are people possessed by demons.

This is where things start to get complicated. Giles explains: “[T]he last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon's soul.” In Buffyverse vampirism is a form of demonic possession, the rules of which are murky at this point.

Vampires are intelligent.

These aren’t walking reanimated corpses (unless you’re in Pylea). Vampires are just as intelligent as humans. They come up with elaborate schemes, they manipulate people, and frequently outsmart our heroes.

Garlic, crosses, holy water, fire, and decapitation are essential for vampire slaying.

Buffy gives Xander the rundown on how to repel vampires. He says “Okay, so, crosses, garlic, stake through the heart.” She confirms “That’ll get it done.” Then later: “Oh, fire, beheading, sunlight, holy water, the usual.” Fairly typical. The usual, indeed.

Vampires don’t retain their former selves.

After Jesse is turned, Giles tells Xander: “When you see him you’re not looking at your friend. You’re looking at the thing that killed him.” This implies that vampires don’t retain their humanity after they turn.

Angel and Buffy

We learn a lot about vampires through Angel’s relationship with Buffy. He explains stuff to her and, therefore, to us. 

Vampires can’t have children.

Fairly early in their relationship, Angel tells Buffy vampires can’t have biological children. It’s a topic that comes up a few times in their relationship and it’s one of the things that ultimately causes them to break up.

But, they can get it on.

Vampires are able to have sex, recreationally.

Food doesn’t do much for vampires.

Vampires can drink and, possibly, they can eat. However, according to Angel food is unappealing to vampires and it doesn’t help them nutritionally.

Vampires don’t need to breathe.

When Buffy is drowned by The Master, Xander has to administer CPR because Angel has no breath. This comes up with Angel a few times throughout the show.

Vampires sleep.

We see Angel and Buffy nodding off together a number of times, so vampires get their Z’s just like everyone else.

Sometimes vamping out is involuntary.

While vampires seem able to control their vampire visage, for the most part, there are times when they vamp out without intending to. When a vampire feeds or engages in combat their face morphs whether they want it to or not.

Vampires are vulnurable to magic.

Angel was cursed with a human soul using a magic ritual, which is later replicated by Willow.

Spike and Buffy

Spike teaches us a bit more about vampires as he teaches Buffy.

Most vampires are well aware of the Slayer.

Spike has killed two Slayers, which he describes in detail to Buffy. Most vampires are well aware of her existence.

Vampires can get drunk.

Spike indulges in his share of alcoholic beverages after a hard day.

Vampires can get knocked unconscious.

Spike chokeholds Drusilla until she passes out. This might be due to lack of bloodflow moreso than oxygen.

The show adds to and rewrites these rules as it goes, but to start with that’s what we’ve got. In a nutshell, vampires are demonically tainted humans that are inherently evil. They’re harmed by holy things and sunlight. They can be killed by fire, decapitation, or a stake to the heart (although that’d probably kill pretty much anything). That’s all well and good until we start getting to know some vampires.

Jesse McNally

Jesse is the first person we see actually transform into a vampire. We meet him as a human, then we see how his personality differs after he turns. Based on the traits we see, the core elements of Jesse’s personality remain. He’s outgoing and confident. As a human he introduces himself to Buffy and joins in conversation with her, displaying none of the nervousness Xander exhibits. He also frequently hits on Cordelia, despite her cruel brush-offs. He has a teasing sense of humor, which is mostly directed toward Xander. The primary difference Jesse displays as a vampire is his morality. His attraction to Cordelia becomes a predatory obsession. Once good-natured jokes toward Xander turn into hostile put-downs. However, he does display a comradery with Xander, verbally jousting with him and telling him how awesome it is to be a vampire. He doesn’t kill Xander, even though Xander clearly shows up prepared to kill Jesse at the Bronze. Jesse still has some sort of a pull toward Cordelia and he doesn’t seem to want to kill her, instead wanting to keep her for himself. What his intentions are beyond that are unclear at best. The point is, at the core, Jesse still appears to be the same person and to want the same things. There’s just nothing preventing him from hurting people or displaying cruel behavior.

Jesse’s behavior complicates Giles’s statement to Xander that vampires don’t retain their former selves. Giles may be trying to simplify things for Xander so that Xander can fight or kill Jesse without hesitating. But, it seems to be the general belief of Buffy as well as the Watchers Council that vampires are demon souls possessing human corpses. Does this mean a vampire is literally a person possessed by an entirely different being with its own personality, as with the demons in Supernatural? This doesn’t seem likely in Jesse’s case. He presents as a darker version of his human self, without guilt and conscience getting in the way of his desires and impulses. So, what exactly is this “infected by the demon’s soul” business? How does it actually work? This is something that’s never truly explained or delved into and I wouldn’t be surprised if the writers never actually nailed it down.

Darla

Darla is the first vampire we meet in the pilot’s opening scene. She’s the one that sets the tone for vampires and how they operate. They’re clever, blending in with people, as Darla does at the Bronze. They’re also predators, stalking their prey, displayed when a vampire lures Willow to the cemetery from the Bronze. Darla, as a villain, is dangerous and unpredictable. She’s supposed to be collecting people as offerings for The Master she answers to, but she prematurely bites Jesse because she “got hungry.” She’s the one who killed someone and stuffed him in a locker at Sunnydale High, where he would undoubtedly be found by some unsuspecting student. Darla enjoys toying with people, playing with her food. With Darla, we learn that vampires aren’t predictable creatures. They change course, they adapt, they betray those they’re supposed to be loyal to.

Darla does seem to retain an affection for Angel, though she loathes his human soul, and she’s jealous of Buffy. While we don’t see much of Darla before she was turned, we do see her as a human resurrected on Angel. Her personality is very similar, though a bit softer. She’s still a seductress and a survivalist, putting her own interests ahead of anyone else’s. It’s hard to tell how much of this was her original human personality, since we’ve only seen her human once on her deathbed. Even with a soul we see Darla has a hard time redeeming herself. She doesn’t want to redeem herself, which is the important part. She expresses remorse for things she’s done, but she has no desire to continue living as a human and die of her illness, nor does she want to deal with the consequences of her actions. She wants to go back to being a vampire, perhaps because it’s easier or because she’s now more familiar with her vampire self than her human self.

With Darla’s resurrection comes the question of what happens to vampires in the afterlife? In Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 6 we learn what “Heaven” is like from Buffy: “Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell.” When Darla’s talking to Lindsey she says “I was Darla for so long. Then I wasn't. I… I wasn't anything. I just stopped. He killed me. I was done. Then you brought me back.” She doesn’t speak of Heaven or Hell. According to Darla there was just nothing. It’s possible she doesn’t remember anything due to however they resurrected her, but it makes me wonder what a vampire’s afterlife is like, considering Hell does exist in this universe, in many physical forms. 

When Angel was killed by Buffy and sucked into Acathla’s portal he went to a Hell dimension. Giles tells Buffy: “From what is known about that dimension, i- it would suggest a world of... brutal torment. And time moves quite differently there, so...” Buffy concludes Angel would have been there for hundreds of years of torture. His experience was very different from what Darla describes. I was never clear on whether or not Angel actually died. We didn’t see him turn to dust, so perhaps he was alive and then physically transported to another dimension. Buffy said she killed him, so maybe he did die and get resurrected. I’m not sure how that all worked. If Angel did die, he did go to a Hell that was a physical place. What does it mean if Darla didn’t? When Darla was resurrected she also had her soul, which implies a person’s soul doesn’t go away when a vampire takes over the body. So, where does it go in the meantime?

New rule: Wherever vampires go when they die, it’s not Heaven.

Angel/Angelus

Angel is the first vampire with a soul we meet. According to Buffy and Giles, he’s an anomaly. Angel is the first vampire anyone in the cast actually gets to know because no one knows he’s a vampire at first. On one hand, one can’t blame him for being low-key about it, considering this bunch is known for just killing vampires without even considering they could be something other than evil. On the other hand, he waits a long while before he reveals what he is, and when he does it’s accidental. His motives behind that are shaky, as it’s only partly self-preservation. He gets overly involved with Buffy, and he doesn’t seem to mind that he is. He points out on a number of occasions that the two of them dating is a bad idea, but it doesn’t stop him from pursuing a romance with her. We learn down the line that Angel saw Buffy before she was called and sort of stalked her to Sunnydale and conveniently ran into her one night to warn her about the Harvest. The fact that he’s so deceptive about his motivations and about what he is makes me think he’s not really “good” in a moral sense, even though he’s on the good guy team in season one. All of his actions are self-serving, even aiding Buffy because of his interest in her. How much of this is the vampire and how much of it is the man? The backstory we get of Angel, as a human, reveals he was unmotivated and a disappointment to his father, which doesn’t tell us a lot about what he was like generally speaking.

As Angelus, Angel was a ruthless killer who enjoyed stalking, tormenting, and artfully displaying his victims. The notable thing about Angelus is that his personality as a vampire seems completely different than what we know about his personality as a human. This wasn’t a lazy, unmotivated person. The only thread I can make between the two is the desire to prove himself. As a man, this was an inner “someday I’ll make something of myself and show them all” sort of desire. As a vampire, it was a thing he actively did. Whatever made him lazy or kept him from acting on things was gone when he became a vampire. I can also see a tendency toward excessive indulgence in both personas. As a man, he drank and whored. As a vampire, he fed and killed.

Angel puts a considerable distance between his soul-toting self and his evil vampire self, seeming to not remember his actions as Angelus when he’s re-ensouled in “Becoming, Part 2.” When we see him get cursed with a soul the first time he immediately knows all he’s done and shows deep regret. It’s possible Angel really doesn’t remember in the season 2 finale. It could be a genuine psychological response on his end, almost like blocking out a traumatic event. But, the ensoulment spell contradicts itself by behaving differently both times. The separation between Angel and Angelus is always something murky and it’s never really clear. It seems to change depending on the needs of the plot.

New rule: vampires can have souls, though it’s rare. New rule: vampire psychology is very complicated business.

Drusilla

Drusilla is unique due to her insanity and her psychic abilities. When we first encounter Drusilla she’s weak and frail, relying on Spike to care for her. She has visions that are precognitive in nature, and her mind often drifts from the reality at hand. However, she’s also a playful predator often underestimated due to her apparent frailty (both of mind and body). She hypnotizes the Slayer Kendra, allowing her to kill the woman with a scratch to the jugular. What’s up with that, by the way? Does she have Wolverine claws for fingernails? But, I digress.

As a human, Drusilla was chaste and pure, studying to be a nun. Her prophetic visions plagued her and she feared she was evil. Angel tells Buffy: “I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...” Buffy concludes “And you made her a vampire.” Angel says “First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.” Not only did Drusilla become a vampire, she endured unspeakable torment long before. As a result, she becomes a vampire with a broken mind.

Drusilla’s personality as a vampire is the opposite of her human personality. She displays a childlike playfulness when she’s hunting or tormenting victims. She’s hypersexualized, often flirting with Angelus during season 2 despite her long standing relationship with Spike, and seeming to enjoy causing competitive discord between them over her affections. The only link I can find between the two personas is the visions and her reaction to them. When Drusilla gets visions of the future that are negative she becomes quite fearful, as she did when she was human in flashbacks. As both a human and a vampire, the visions are something that set her apart and make her “different.”

New rule: vampires may not be of sound mind. New rule: vampires may have psychic abilities.

Spike

Spike is the only vampire to get a chip to the brain: a behavior modification experiment performed on him by the Initiative that prevented him from being able to harm typical humans. This forced him to change his behavior through no will of his own. He began fighting demons because he could no longer fight people, and he refrained from feeding on people because he couldn’t. It’s important to note that this was not a moral choice on Spike’s part. It was a lifestyle forced on him he tried everything in his power to get out of.

Something notable about Spike is the affection he displays toward Drusilla, his sire, who he’s romantically involved with when we meet him. Despite being an evil, soulless creature, he dotes on Drusilla and genuinely cares for her. When Spike and Drusilla raise The Judge in season 2, he comments on Spike and Drusilla: “You two stink of humanity. You share affection and jealousy.” Spike feels deeply for Drusilla, and he’s not ashamed of it or afraid to show it.

As a man, Spike felt infatuation for Cecily, which he announced and was then ashamed of when he was rebuffed. This tendency toward infatuation remains with Spike as a vampire, as evidenced by his extreme reactions when he’s dumped by Drusilla and later turned down by Buffy. He’s someone who feels deeply and reacts strongly based on his emotions. This sets him apart from both Angel and Darla, and links him to Drusilla.

New rule: soulless does not mean “lack of humanity.” New rule: vampires can form emotional attachments to others.

Spike is the first vampire to seek out his human soul, wanting to be the kind of man Buffy could love. His reaction to the guilt this brings about is very similar to Angel’s in “Amends” and to Darla’s in Angel when she’s resurrected as a human. This brings about questions about the nature of a vampire’s soul, if it has one. A lack of a soul does not equal a lack of human emotion, as evidenced by Spike and Drusilla. It does mean a lack of guilt and an absence of a conscience. The sense of right and wrong gets twisted. The most prominent example of this is Spike’s assault on Buffy in “Seeing Red.” His moral compass is off and his realization of that comes from Buffy’s reaction, from the pain he causes her when he wanted to do the opposite. Perhaps a vampire’s humanity is measured by who they grow attached to…

Connor

Connor is not a vampire. He’s whatever happens when two vampires have a child with the help of divine intervention. I call him a dhampir, but he’s never specifically labeled in the show. Connor is important in this discussion because he’s a combination of human and vampire, the only one of his nature we meet in the show. He has a human soul, which is pointed out by Darla during her pregnancy. Despite that, he does horrible things in service to villainous people.

Being raised by Holtz in a hell dimension, Connor was raised as a warrior – a weapon to be used – and his gauge of right and wrong is off. When Angel asks Connor how he learned to track people he casually describes a “game” Holtz made up for him as a child: “He'd tie me to a tree and then run away,” and then “You know, so I'd have to escape and then find him. One time it only took me five days.” He attributes this as why he’s so good at tracking while Angel is horrified to hear it. This is a strong indicator of Connor’s moral compass. Things other people would find horrific or evil are things Connor shrugs his shoulders at. Evil has been normalized for him, beginning when he was a child. This makes it difficult to say how his soul works, how much of his morality is determined by his nature and how much came from his upbringing.

An important aspect of Connor is how his morality changes to suit whoever he’s loyal to at the time. When he’s loyal to Holtz he’s hellbent on killing Angel. When he’s loyal to Cordelia (or the thing walking around pretending to be Cordelia), he’ll do anything to make her happy – no matter what that means. Nothing is “wrong” if it’s done to serve some sort of end goal he sees as “right.” He can spin just about anything in his favor if he’s protecting someone he loves. He’s very similar to a vampire in this regard, with his morality shifting with his loyalty. However, the human guilt he has makes it difficult for him to function this way for long.

New rule: A vampire’s morality is fluid. Rewritten rule: Vampires can’t have children (unless a godlike being decides they should).

So, where does that leave us? Naturally, somewhere in the shades of gray of morality. Vampires are as evil as they allow themselves to be, or as good as they try to be. For a vampire, evil is their natural state simply because there’s nothing within them telling them things are bad or wrong. But, a vampire can go against that nature. We see it with Spike and with Angel. Being good for a vampire is an active fight every day. One slip or lapse and they can easily backslide. Like people, vampires differ from one another. Humanity is a sliding scale for them. Some lean hard toward the evil end because they have no desire to fight their nature (i.e. Darla until giving birth to Connor). Others lean toward the good side because they have a lot of ties to their humanity (i.e. Spike).

TL;DR – vampires are complicated, guys. Like, very.

[bloody-bara]

(AN: Welp. This took way too long to finish. This chapter was just really hard for me to continue for some reason. Warnings for this chapter include violence, language, mild gore, sexual situations, alcohol, and fedoras. Please read with caution.) 

Ch. 1   Ch. 2   Ch. 3   Ch.4   Ch. 6  Ch. 7   Ch. 8

Word count: 2571

Chapter 5 – Night Club

By the time I was 15, I had learned how to hunt properly. Rose would drive me out to the city every month, always sneaking me past the other healers. A part of me always wondered if they secretly knew what was going on. They probably didn’t care about what I did anymore. Hunting was a lot easier when I wasn’t being starved. I was actually able to keep control now. Rose taught me how to recognize the right kind of people to feed from.

“Never take from an unwilling innocent. There are too many repercussions and you know what the guilt does to you. You need to find someone who is either willing, like me, or someone that is assaulting you.”

“Yeah, but how often is that gonna happen?”

“You’d be surprised,” Rose grimaced. “But it helps to know where to look.”

We ended up at a seedy looking bar, out of the way from the busier part of the city. We received strange looks as we walked in; and I don’t think it was just because Rose was still wearing her hood. It was obvious that we didn’t fit in with the regular crowd. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if it was a local Yakuza hangout spot. Eyes followed us as we made our way to the bar. The bartender eyed us suspiciously.

“She old enough?” He asked, gesturing to me.

“I assure you, we won’t be drinking,” Rose replied calmly.

Alcohol, I finished in my head.

The bartender didn’t really look convinced, but he didn’t press any further. We sat at the bar for a while, maybe half an hour, before one of the other patrons approached us. He was obviously drunk, the smell of spirits making me grimace.

“How much?” He asked, though I wasn’t sure if he was referring to me or Rose.

“Pardon? I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Rose said, but I could tell she was lying.

“How much I gotta pay fer one of ya to spend the night with me?” he slurred.

Rose glanced at me, as if to check that I was paying attention, then said to the man, “Why don’t we discuss this somewhere else?”

He nodded enthusiastically before stumbling out of the bar. I followed Rose out and into the nearby alley. Images flashed in my mind of the last time I had done this. I shook my head. No, I was in control now. I may have been thirsty, but I wasn’t so starved that I felt like draining someone.

I watched as the drunk man began to bargain with Rose. He looked annoyed as she calmly tried to make a deal with him. The man kept getting closer to her, trapping her between himself and the wall behind her. My blood boiled at the sight and I instinctively took a step forward to intervene. Rose subtly held up a hand as if to say, “not yet”. I stopped, but internally I shook with rage.

They seemed to come to some sort of agreement since the man grinned toothily before pressing even closer to her. Rose flinched as he groped at her chest through her robe and started to bite and suck at her neck. The look on her face was one of pure revulsion. She made eye contact with me. A small nod from her signaling that now was the time.

I felt my fangs finally elongate, training my eyes on a prominent vein on his neck. I’m sure my eyes showed a murderous intent, not because I was hungry, but because this man was assaulting someone I deeply cared for.

I was going to use this monster inside me for good.

Leaping onto the man’s back, my teeth quickly clamped down onto his neck. He let out a strangled scream, but Rose swiftly covered his mouth. I managed to wrestle him to the ground so I could feed from him easier. After a minute or so, Rose had to pull me off of him.

“Don’t drink too much from this one. You’ll become intoxicated.”

My lungs heaved heavily, still furious about what this pig had done.

“I’m not satisfied,” I growled. Which wasn’t a total lie. The hunger still lingered in me, but that wasn’t why I wanted to keep drinking.

I wanted to kill him.

“I know you’re upset,” Rose said, obviously seeing through my lie, “but we’ll find someone else to drink from.”

“I don’t want to do that again!” I yelled. Sure, it wasn’t killing an innocent, but Rose was putting herself in danger for my sake. And that was almost as bad. “I don’t want another creep to put his hands on you,” I looked at the ground, fighting back angry tears. “You don’t deserve that.”

She knelt beside me. Her arms wrapped around me and I was startled by the sudden embrace. “I’m glad you care that much about me,” she murmured into my hair, which I could feel turning a lighter shade. “But this is about ensuring your survival, not mine.” She released me and looked at my face from arm’s length. “I know it’s hard to deal with, but learning to hunt is important. You can drink from me to satisfy any lingering cravings, but this can’t go on forever.”

I nodded, feeling the frustrated tears well up in my eyes.  We both stood up and started the walk back to the car, leaving the drunk man passed out in the alley.

The music was loud and booming, techno punk blasting over the speakers. My hips swayed to the overbearing music as I moved through the dense crowd of pulsating bodies. Many of the faces were littered with piercings, hair was brightly colored, and skin was decorated with tattoos. I usually frequented this club as my strange hair, eyes, and fangs often went unnoticed. In fact, I sometimes got compliments on how realistic they looked.

I started to lose myself to the booming bass before my growling stomach reminded me why I was really here. But I figured I owed myself just one song before I started to search for some prey. The beat was fast and loud, vibrating deep in my bones. I closed my eyes and brought my hands into the air, letting the sound flow through me. Music was one of the few things that brought me peace anymore, even if it was faster paced like this was.

A pair of hands met with my waist from behind, the body they belonged to following my movements. Definitely a male. I’d had women hit on me in the past too, but it was usually guys. The hands held onto my swaying hips. Sometimes a couple fingers would stray under the hem of my tank top. Whoever this guy was seemed to be a likely candidate for tonight’s meal.

“Would you like to get out of here?” a silky voice whispered in my ear. Despite the loud music, I could hear him clearly.

I nodded, my eyes still closed as I led him out through the sea of people, my body still moving to the beat. We exited out a back door and into the neighboring alley. The moment the door closed I felt myself being pushed up against the wall. Even though I could see clearly in the dark, the guy’s face was being hidden by a hat. However, I could see spikes of reddish hair sticking out beneath it.

I didn’t have much time to ponder his appearance as he suddenly pressed his body closer to mine. A strange odor wafted into my nostrils. He smelled… different. Like a cologne I had never experienced before, but it obviously wasn’t any kind of perfume. No, his entire being was different, but my hunger and his insistent groping didn’t let me dwell on it for long.

“Hmm… whatever fragrance you use smells heavenly,” I heard him chirp by my ear. But I never used perfume…

“Must be my natural scent,” I responded curtly. I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have as I was busy eyeing his neck.

His hands gripped my waist tightly and my hands moved up to weave into his hair, feigning an amorous pose in case anyone walked in on my feeding. Something cold and wet lapped at my neck and I realized it was his tongue. I growled in annoyance and moved in, mouth open wide.

Just before my fangs could make contact with his skin, a sharp pain in my own neck stopped me short. I inhaled with a hissing noise as a fiery sensation spread from where he had bitten me. Sure, I had bitten myself in the past, but never in such a tender place. How did Rose put up with it all these years?

But not only had this stranger bitten me. I could also feel my blood draining from the wounds he had made. I needed to fight back before I became too weak; or worse, dead. With a little struggling, I managed to raise my hands to his chest and shove as hard as I could. A bit too hard. He went flying back across the alley. I screamed as his teeth tore from my neck with an excruciating pain. I stared at him, stunned. The force I shoved him with should have knocked him into the neighboring building. But he just stood in the middle of the alley, staring at me with curiosity as blood—my blood—dripped down his chin.

“What the hell are you?” I snarled, pressing a hand to my neck. The wound had already started healing.

“I could be asking you the same thing,” he smirked. I could see his face now; his hat had flown up when I shoved him. A pair of predatory green eyes stared back at me. “You certainly don’t taste like a human, nfu~”

“And you certainly don’t smell like one,” I sneered.

He strolled towards me again. “But,” he paused, reaching out to stroke my strand of deep red hair before I smacked his hand away, “You aren’t exactly like me either. Hmm… but I’m not exactly sure what you are.”

“It’s none of you goddamn business!” I practically yelled.

He suddenly got very close to me, and I was back to being pinned against the wall. Only this time, he had his knee pressed between my legs. I struggled against him so he pushed my shoulders down, making it harder for me to move but not impossible. Even so, his close proximity made me uncomfortable.

“Since you’re not human, but not exactly like us, it makes me wonder how much more you can take.” His words slithered by as he whispered next to my ear.

One of his hands released my shoulder, only for his other hand to move to my throat to keep me in place. My eyes widened as I felt his first hand travel down the length of my body, coming to rest on my hip. I could feel my lock of hair getting paler with my growing fear as he chuckled. His grip on my throat tightened.

“Nfu~ I can feel you trembling. Why don’t I make things more interesting, and really give you something to shiver about?”

His mouth met with me neck again, only this time it lacked fangs. He sucked harshly at the newly healed skin; not to feed, but to leave a mark. I winced at the almost painful sensation. But at the same time, it wasn’t too unpleasant. But then I felt the hand at my hip moving lower.

No. I don’t want this to happen! I struggled against him, but his body held me in place. The hand on my throat tightened even more and I struggled to breathe properly. His other hand kept moving lower and I could feel my hair changing colors with my confused and disoriented thoughts; bright red, green, white, pink… I was actually glad he was too busy leaving a hickey to notice. I didn’t need him to know I was an even bigger freak than he already thought I was.

This obviously wasn’t the first time I had been groped by a stranger in an alley, but this was the first time I had been next to powerless during it. His hold on my neck was cutting off airflow and making it harder to think. And the whole time his other hand kept moving lower, despite my kicks and struggles.

His mouth finally left my skin with a loud sucking sound. Gross. I felt him pulling away so I made more of an effort to control the color of my hair. I managed to get it back to a deep red before he could look at me. My struggles slowed in an attempt for him to let his guard down. Maybe if he lessened his grip I’d be able to escape.

“Hmm…” he mused, “you stopped squirming. But that’s no fun, now is it?”

I was startled by a feeling near my groin as the button on my jeans was undone. A spike of fear of quickly was squashed so it wouldn’t show on my hair or otherwise. No one had ever gotten this far before. Normally they would have been drained by now for even trying it. But I didn’t know other beings like me existed; besides those that came to the healers, but they were never as strong as me, let alone stronger.

The creep’s hand delved under the top of my jeans and I couldn’t help the change in hair color: pure white. I felt there was nothing more I could do. This monster was going to do whatever he wanted to me and I couldn’t do anything to stop him. Except…

His hands left my body and I struggled to breathe properly again. I looked up at him to see why he let me go. He was staring curiously at my hair, which was still white. I panicked and immediately changed it back to red. His eyes widened a bit as my actions confirmed what he originally saw.

“You are just full of surprises, bitch-chan.”

I was taken aback by the nickname. “What did you just call me?”

We were both caught off guard by another voice at the end of the alleyway. “Oi! Hentai! We’re leaving!”

“Pervert” was certainly an accurate name for him. “There are more like you?” I asked, not sure I really wanted him to confirm my question.

He only replied with a smirk as he went to retrieve his hat. “Perhaps we can pick this back up again some other time. If we ever meet again, nfu~”

I glared at his back as he sauntered down the alley towards the other voice. With him finally gone, my legs gave out from under me and I sank to the ground.

How had I gone with this long without meeting someone like myself? Well, they weren’t exactly like me, but we were similar in more ways than I would like. But there were others out there besides myself and the cursed ones. Were they born that way or were they cursed like me? How strong were they really? And most importantly, how many of them were there?

Whatever the answers were, I never wanted to see another creature like him ever again.