#he can still have his core personality traits but him shutting down emotionally as he grows is the true tragedy of his treatment

[spfswithchipotlemayo]

Fics where Andrew is still fully andrew-y without him going through the trauma of the system or repeated sexual assaults rub me the wrong way because they act like he's not the product of his experiences and that he never had a chance of a typical childhood without the abuse

[scrawnytreedemon]

Neurodivergency, and Sephiroth

Right, I’m going to see if I can try and explain why this reading appeals to me.

For some background, I’ve watched a full silent LP of the OG, watched Advent Children, and am largely familiar with his characterisation in Crisis Core(though it gets a bit patchy in some areas). I am not familiar with his characterisation in KH, Dissida, or any other spinoff appearances.

I’m going to be looking at this with an autistic lens, as, hey, I’m autistic, however much of these patterns aren’t exclusive to autistic people by any means and thus are fairly applicable to other labels.

This is an explanaition on why I find this element worth considering, and while I hope that others can relate or take away something from this, in many ways it is highly personal and not intended to be a decleration on Sephiroth’s ‘true nature,’ as it were. I’m not claiming that this was intended by the writers-- Infact, I’d be very surprised if they considered it, at all --As many of the traits he exhibits could be brushed aside as due to his upbringing.

That being said, let’s get into it!

1. Alienation

A common thread in neurodivergency, autism in particular, is some form of alienation. This doesn’t necessarily mean being outcast-- I, for one, have been largely accepted by those around me, and yet there is still that sense of being ‘other‘ that’s always been there, long before I even had a word for it.

Now, of course, in Sephiroth this is more related to his lineage, and how it’s expressed in... well, everything. Even still, I find value in expanding that, and considering just how getting the sense you’re implicitly divided from your peers.

There is, of course, the matter of Sephiroth’s literal isolation-- However, as fun as those scenarios are to play around with, I don’t think Sephiroth was raised wholly, or even mostly in the labs. The reason being that it would be nigh impossible to have hid just what made Sephiroth different, especially knowing how observant he is. It’s clear that Sephiroth had had extensive contact with other children, as epitomised by the line:

“I knew ever since I was a child, I was not like the others. I knew mine was a special existence. But this is not what I meant!” 

Sephiroth was painfully aware that he is different, even if he didn’t know exactly how. It is at once an oddly thrilling, and lonely sensation. Thrilling, because-- Hey! --You can do and see things others can’t and/or wouldn’t; and lonely, because it makes it hard to relate to others or have them relate to you.

2. Socialisation

I would like to start off by saying that, while I find it a tad more faithful and endlessly less grating than Sex God Sephiroth, Sephiroth is not a complete and utter social failure. While it’s clear he has difficulty articulating emotions and understanding others, it’s very clear even still that he knows how the game works, and knows how to play it.

This is going to dip far more into speculation territory, so buckle up.

A thing that, perhaps, I don’t see talked about often enough online when it comes to neurodivergent experiences, is that many things that are considered ‘normal‘ get experienced as systems that we need to actively learn and maneuver-- Socialisation especially!

Now, of course there is always some degree of social interaction being a give and take, a step forth and step back, regardless of neurotype, but it’s dialed up far more when you deviate from ‘the norm.‘

If I can give my own example, a thing I struggled with when I was little was humour! Not because I didn’t find things funny, or didn’t know what it was, but because I had issues grasping at the machinations of what made something funny. This lead to alot of nonsensical jokes that left my siblings confounded, until I picked up a joke-book, and started analysing from there. It was mostly alot of puns, which! Due to their simple structure, are a great way to learn the basics! I didn’t even know this was unusual, until my mother pointed it out to me years later.

And that method goes for alot of things.

Sephiroth, above all else, is observant. He makes efforts multiple times throughout the OG and Crisis Core to check up on others and ask how they’re doing. He asks Cloud how he feels returning to his hometown, and about seeing his mother, and urges Zack to check up on Aerith in Crisis Core, to name some notable examples. Even if you get the sense that his attempts are, perhaps, a little ungainly, it makes it clear more than anything that Sephiroth tries.

I think the reason that people have leaned alot more into the overly-awkward perception of Sephiroth in recent times, is because it humanises him. I feel there’s been far more of a shift within fandom to focus on the mundane, on relatability, on humanity. A veneer of endless, effortless confidence really isn’t that sexy anymore-- When sexual-appeal even comes into the matter, at all.

That being said, this section more than anything, I think, is very easy to brush aside due to his... interesting upbringing. Depending on how you construe the timeline, Sephiroth got sent to war as early as twelve, and wouldn’t have had much of an oppurtnity to develop these skills in a healthy and timely manner.

Even without that, a degree of social awkwardness is far from exclusive to any particular neurotype-- It’s the way it arises in him, though, that piques my interest.

3. Analysis and Obsession

This... I think, is the one where I’ll be grasping at straws the most.

While, yes, the obsessive research demonstrated in the OG during the Nibelheim incident and even before that to a lesser extent in Crisis Core could be some indication of a degree to absolutely immerse yourself in a subject in that Very Autistic WayTM, more than anything these are brought on by dire circumstance(the former especially by the question of his very humanity), and as we don’t see Sephiroth as a child, it’s uncertain as to whether he displayed these behaviours as such and to this degree under ‘normal‘ circumstances.

Even so, I get the feeling that Sephiroth is very analytically-minded, in a very Stranger In A Strange World sort of way(not in any way referring to the 1961 novel by a similar name, lmao). I get the feeling he’s the type of person to pick up some highly-esoteric text just for fun and come away with a menagerie of strange and unusual and obscenely specific factoids that he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

Like, someone might mention a topic offhandedly, and though he’d keep his mouth shut because He’s Like ThatTM, a slew of all the little bits and pieces he’s seen or read on the matter over the years would just jump to mind.

What I’m trying to say is, I think Sephiroth would take joy in painstakingly pouring and mulling over topics that not many people would have the consideration nor the mind to hold any long-term, inimate interest in.

If the last point was easily brushed aside, then this one you’d merely have to breathe and it’d fall apart. Nonetheless, I feel that within fandom’s current common framework with how we perceive Sephiroth, this wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

I, however, want to make it clear that I can see the issue with labelling Sephiroth as neurodivergent. He could all too easily fall into the cliché of cold, emotionally and socially-inept, often rather callous depictions we see all too often in the heavily-neurotypical media that sees us as Missing Something; less than. Things have gotten better, but even still, there’s such a tendency to flatten us down to the things we can’t do, or lawd as us Potential Einsteins in spite of it-- Which, just, while it happens, on the whole it isn’t very helpful or realistic to expect this from us.

We are by no means a monolith, and while I take comfort in the idea of a neurodivergent Sephiroth, I understand that for some, it can feel like taking on a label to a character that vaguely fits the stereotype, and thus, perhaps, insinuating that to be autistic you have to look Like That-- And when it comes to villains in particular, it’s all too easy to dip into demonisation.

This isn’t even getting onto some of the issues that’d have this fall apart, were we to look at other symptoms. The first that comes to mind, and one that even I, as innocuous as I am, experience: sensory overload.

While it is entirely possible that Sephiroth learned to deal with it accordingly in life, or was forced to surpress it, because Shinra’s Science Department(cough cough Hojo) has been shown time and time again to force its subjects into little boxes and blame them for any failures expressed, the fact is that such a symptom could make fighting on the battlefield downright impossible.

Again, this is something that could’ve been given a ‘solution‘(as much as you can or even should think about long-term surpressing your basic thresholds), it nonetheless remains an issue.

I just hope that, on the whole, this served as some food for thought.

TL;DR: Sephiroth is autistic because I Vibe With It.

Also, happy Disability Pride!

[shihalyfie]

No, Miyako and Iori’s Digimentals were not switched, can we please stop endorsing that

There’s a really common argument that Miyako and Iori’s initial Digimentals should have been “switched” (i.e. give Knowlegde to Miyako and Love to Iori), and accusing the series of trying to pigeonhole Miyako into a “girl” box by giving her the two Crests that originally belonged to her Adventure predecessor girls (Sora and Mimi). While I am not ever going to say that Adventure or 02 were the paragon of feminism, I seriously take issue with this reading, not only because of the fact that I feel it’s a misreading of Miyako and Iori’s characters to consider these Digimentals inappropriate, but also because the “alternative” suggestion of swapping them is an even worse misreading of what said Digimentals are actually about, and would result in an extremely unfitting result.

I would say that the major reasons these misconceptions get drawn a lot are mostly pertinent to the following:

A common misreading of the actual meaning of the “Crest of Knowledge”

The fact that Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori’s initial Digimental traits actually kick in the most in the latter half of the series, after they get their second set -- i.e., the secondary Digimentals are actually more obvious than their first set, even though the secondary ones are the ones to get focus episodes. (For a brief example with Daisuke, his “courage” resembled reckless foolhardiness for a lot of the first half, but at the end of the Kaiser arc and the entire second half it became very clear that Daisuke was still standing resolute in the face of what he knew were increasing stakes, which is a much, much more genuine show of courage.)

If you do want to make the argument that Miyako got this treatment “because she’s a girl”, you might as well argue that she was initially built from the ground up as someone who mixes core personality traits from Sora and Mimi. But she was absolutely not “pigeonholed”, and, again, I think it’s a severe misreading of her character to think that she was.

All quoted translations are by Ryuu-Rogue (Adventure) and PositronCannon (02).

The Crest of Knowledge

The Crest of “Knowledge” is a bit of a misnomer. It’s tempting to read it as simply “knowing a lot of information”, but note that there’s nothing really virtuous about that. You could easily be someone who “naturally” has a knack for studying or information, and then takes that information to be a smart-aleck who lords over everyone. Considering that the Crests were normally supposed to be about personal growth and virtues, “knowledge” seems like a very poor and incidental thing to be valuing.

In actuality, Adventure’s episode in relation to Koushirou and the Crest of Knowledge (episode 24) made it very clear that being intellectual had nothing to do with it. The entire episode revolves around Koushirou willingly giving up his “inquisitive heart” to the point where Tentomon considers him basically having thrown out himself. Koushirou spends the duration of the episode blindly accepting pseudoscience until Bubbmon snaps him back to his senses, and the “epiphany” that powers AtlurKabuterimon’s evolution later in the episode is as follows:

Koushirou: Staying ignorant isn’t what makes me, me! Wanting to know everything is part of who I am!...My inquisitive heart...I’m sorry for throwing you away. I want to know. I want to know!

The “actual” meaning of the “Crest of Knowledge” is defined here: it’s not about how much knowledge you currently have, it’s about how much knowledge you want to have -- wanting to not only have more information, but to also understand more. This is what fuels Koushirou’s character throughout all of Adventure -- he’s the one who can’t let something go whenever something interests him, and therefore he becomes the team’s valuable analyst and the one making the most progress in understanding the Digital World.

So when we get to 02 episode 2, and Iori claims the Digimental of Knowledge, Koushirou has this conversation with him to indicate him worthy of it:

Koushirou: Iori-kun, what do you think of the Digital World? Iori: What do I think...I don’t know, I just got here. Koushirou: But you’re thinking something, aren’t you? Iori: Yes...I have my own theories, but new questions keep popping in my mind and I want to know more. Koushirou: You have a really curious mind, as I thought. Iori: A curious mind? Koushirou: If you have any questions, please ask me. We’re your friends, and we’ll always help you out.

Just in case there were any ambiguity, Koushirou clarifies the “actual” meaning of the Crest of Knowledge right then and there: it’s not about having knowledge, it’s about curiosity, and that’s what we’re supposed to be looking out for with Iori’s character for the rest of the series.

Nevertheless, this conversation in episode 2 is a little misleading, and probably comes off as performative to many because Iori doesn’t actually show that much interest in the Digital World for the rest of the series, even though Koushirou had expected him to be like-minded in this regard. But what does happen is that once the Kaiser arc passes, and we reach the second half of 02, Iori starts to entertain some very interesting questions in regards to his stubborn insistence on black-and-white morality.

His first major shake to his frame of morality is episode 29, when he realizes that pacifist principles don’t mix well with a Digimon that professes to having no desire beyond wanton destruction.

In episodes 34-35, upon seeing Takeru gung-ho against BlackWarGreymon and the darkness to levels that disturb even him, he immediately goes up to Yamato to get answers on what’s up with Takeru without hesitation.

In episode 43, he starts to contemplate his stance on pacifism again after the SkullSatamon army ultimately forces the kids’ hands on breaking their anti-kill stance.

He asks his grandfather about his father in episode 47, and, upon coming face-to-face with Oikawa in episode 47, starts actually questioning him about his motives before he learns about Oikawa’s connection with Hiroki. The framing of the scene indicates he is very desperate to understand how Oikawa’s mentality could possibly make sense. Once he learns about the connection between the two, he gets even more desperate to understand how a friend of his father, whom he admired so much, could end up like this.

Eventually, his experiences with Ken and Oikawa lead him to become a defense attorney in the 02 epilogue, which is reiterated in side material (Spring 2003, Character Complete File, etc.) to be representative of his desire to “understand the hearts of criminals”.

Iori is not Koushirou, and his curiosity is not tied to intellectual pursuits or the Digital World, as much as he very much wants to understand morality and other people. He starts off the series with a very black-and-white view of it, but the more his intuition about it starts to crack, the more desperate and interested he gets about getting to the bottom of it. It’s a very unconventional way to see “knowledge” when such a term is usually applied to intellectual knowledge, but when you see it in terms of the Crest’s actual definition of “inquisitiveness and curiosity”, it fits like a glove.

What of Miyako? Well, she’s certainly got a lot of intellectual knowledge in the way Koushirou has, in terms of being good with computers, but...that’s...about it, actually. Unlike Koushirou, she doesn’t seem to be motivated by a drive to learn anything new with it. She can be curious about things, but that’s in the same way that everyone has a least a little of each Crest virtue within themselves to some degree; it’s not a driving part of her personality, and in fact, while she’s certainly not dismissive or callous, she sometimes even has a tendency to shut down at things she doesn’t understand and ask that it be simplified for her. In that light, “inquisitiveness and curiosity” actually feels very unfitting.

In fact, Miyako’s “intellectual” pursuits of being good with computers actually have very little to do with her character or personality. She has it as a peripheral hobby, and she engages in it, but unlike Koushirou, who uses his computer work as a way to gain more information and analyze things further, Miyako’s computer work really seems to be largely in the range of hobbies for her. A lot of her work is portrayed as favors for other people -- she helps fix Iori’s family computer, she helps out Yamato’s band, and she’s helpful to Koushirou as his junior -- in fact, the most pertinence Miyako’s computer abilities have with her actual personality is how much it puts Koushirou in her high esteem. So in actuality, all of that ties more into...

The Crest of Love

The Crest of “Love” is too often conflated with the potential for romantic love, especially because Sora was involved in the franchise’s most infamous love triangle, but the name of the Crest is actually aijou, i.e. “affection”. It’s a pretty neutral word, all things considered, and it has to do with being affectionate with and supportive of those around you.

Miyako starts off the series as a bit shallow and sometimes self-centered, but the way she interacts with Iori (someone from the same building quite a few years younger with her) already demonstrates that she’s open-minded about making friends and being friendly. On top of that, Miyako immediately demonstrates herself off the bat as being emotionally sensitive (see how she endears herself to Jou and Mimi in episodes 5-6 and has a bit of a mental health crash in episode 10).

Again, episode 2 tends to be a bit misleading, especially when Sora explicitly compares Miyako more to Mimi more than herself when she guides her towards the Digimental of Love. But observing Miyako’s behavior in most of 02′s second half indicates she is actually more than worthy of her title:

Starting as early as episode 3, she brings food for people, and does this a lot. She does this partially because she has privileges when her family runs the i-Mart, but she’s very much doing it to show her affection for all of her new friends -- it’s implied she’s the ringleader behind the “picnic” idea in episode 6 so that everyone can have a bonding session, despite it (at the time) having no relevance to the territory war and the fact that she’d just met everyone. By the time of episode 33, the way she cheerfully keeps in touch with Koushirou during her trip to Kyoto and brings souvenir yatsuhashi home for everyone (Koushirou included) indicates that she’s always got her friends on her mind.

Anytime she likes something or someone, she is perpetually open about her feelings and makes it very clear that she likes such a thing. Again, see how she immediately endears herself to Mimi, and later Michael in episode 14. (14 is interesting in that her “purity” is front and center that episode, because she calls herself out for being too straightforward about her own shallowness, but it’s worth noting that the way she manifests said shallowness is by being openly affectionate.)

Episode 24 has her notice that Daisuke’s feeling left out when Takeru and Hikari walk off on their own, and immediately assign him to nursery care duty where he can have fun and feel a little fulfilled teaching them soccer. This is a very often-overlooked scene, but she had basically no motive to do this except to make Daisuke happy, and the way she looks on the scene fondly indicates she’s very proud of herself for doing so -- she knew exactly what she was doing there, and is actually far more emotionally in touch with others than she’s often given credit for.

She is the second most proactive (behind Daisuke) to bid for Ken’s acceptance into the group, and while she initially seems to take a slightly more passive approach than he does, she immediately goes into given name basis with him (before Daisuke does, even!), takes a personal investment in seeing him become friends with Iori in episode 30, has a stake in reaching out to both Hikari and Ken in episode 31 (and is self-conscious about her running-her-mouth behavior being too insensitive), and Ken’s emotional well-being and welfare is a perpetual thing on her mind for the rest of the series (see: her going out of her way to accommodate his worries in episode 46).

Although Miyako’s propensity for affection is actually quite clear throughout the entire series, I do really think it’s the second half of 02 that brings it out the most, because her way of connecting to otherwise emotionally closed-in characters like Hikari and Ken ultimately demonstrate a lot about how outwardly proactive she is about those feelings, and how integral she is to keeping the group of friends together -- there’s very good reason she’s often referred to by third parties as a “mood maker”, someone there to keep everyone in high spirits.

And what about Iori? It’s hard to argue he doesn’t have love, of course. He has a very deep and passionate love for those around him! But, again, while he does have a propensity for it, that doesn’t mean it’s a trait that necessarily defines him, especially because his stubborn and passionate hatred of certain things ends up making the others have to pull teeth a bit with him at times.

Of course, one could argue that it comes out of his love for the things he wants to protect. But, nevertheless, I would still say it’s rather inaccurate to say that the trait defines him nearly as much as it does Miyako, who is openly and passionately affectionate, actively tries to be open-minded towards new things in her life, and spends a lot of her time doting on others and her hobby work doing favors for her friends.

[ocegion]

For the character meme, obviously: Nicky & Joe 😘

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! thanks so much for the ask I immensely appreciate it!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

(also I went FAR OVERBOARD with this, I speak far too much when given the chance. Sorryyyyyyyyyy)

Joe:

First impression: Well, if it isn’t hot-but-dull Jafar. I know he’s gay in this one so that’s a plus point, but I’m not holding out much hope. He looks extra cute and fuzzy here though, that’s neat. (I want to clarify that I formally apologize to Mr Marwan Kenzari for having ever thought he couldn’t act, shame on me).

Impression now: *sobbing* He’s so GOOD and he’s so SOFT. He’s so full of love and passion and he can barely keep it inside and I’m honestly overwhelmed by how much I love this guy. Like, he’s so full of emotion and it’s so clear in his face at any given moment and that’s no weakness, that’s his strength and I just. Ugh. It’s so refreshing and great. Love is stored in the Joe. I wish real life had people like him.

Favorite moment: okay so it’s hard to decide because all his moments are great, but I’m going to go with the moment in which he waits for Nicky to wake up after Keane shoots him. You can see how he can barely keep inside the fear and panic he has when Nicky isn’t waking up, and then, when he does, Joe takes a moment to look aside and exhale before grasping him. Like he physically needed to let it out. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but those couple seconds of body language fascinate me.

Unpopular opinion: It is entirely possible that it shows up in some secondary material that I just haven’t seen, in which case I’m dumb and I’m sorry for this, but I don’t think Joe is necessarily a poet? Like don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of poet Joe and I do think he probably has an easier time around words than the rest of the Guard, but I’m not too sure where the idea came from? I think his speech in the ban comes out of the pure, raw love he has for Nicky more than any formal education he might have had about any of it. He’s just that passionate. I mean, not that I think it’s wrong of anything. I just think canon doesn’t give any indication at all about it. (plus comic Joe said something along the lines of ‘brewing the stew of love’ which is the most hilariously unpoetical thing ever lmao).

Favorite relationship: uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh is it cheating to say Nicky? I’m gonna go with Nicky. I could go on for quite a while about his relationship with Nicky and I’m gonna spare us all having to go through that but I will say that as long as Joe and Nicky are alive the concept of romance just simply cannot die. They singlehandedly keep it alive and flourishing. 100000/10 best love story ever, I accept no criticism.

Favorite headcanon: Joe is a man who is, at any given moment, 110% in control of his own emotions. Like, he’s a emotionally driven man, no doubt about that, but he’s not impulsive in the least. When he was shouting at Booker, it wasn’t impulsive, he was angry as hell and decided to let him know. Then during the escape he shut it off and didn’t let it get in the way of cooperation, then let it out again. It’s like he has a valve on his own emotions that he willingly manipitales when he deems it right. He is very aware of his own emotions and just refuses to repress it for things like, pretending that what Booker did wasn’t that big of a deal, dude knows he’s entitled to be upset about it. Most emotionally mature and stable man on Earth.

Nicky:

First impression: I thought he looked soft and also sort of awkward-looking, but in a good way if that makes sense? tbh I expected him to be a nice character that didn’t get that much depth because he’d stay in the sidelines and only have a handful surface traits.

Impression now: I LOVE how hard it is to pin Nicky down as just this or that part of his personality, the way fandom usually does with characters. He’s soft and kind, but he will stay his ground and not let anyone walk over him. He believes in doing good as the purpose of his life, but he won’t hesitate to commit murder (Gotta wonder how exactly his moral code works). He’s warm and welcoming, but also sort of reserved and not saying much about himself. If you try to shove Nicky into any of the usual fandom archetypes, you’re missing at least half of his character.

Favorite moment: As with Joe, I have a hard time picking up just one single moment, bit I’ll go with the moment he brings up Malta. His whole demeanor while in the lab is fascinating, but I think it’s that particular moment that probably defines Nicky best. They’re in a very though and uncertain situation, and he brings up a fond memory to raise spirits, his own but mostly Joe’s. Idk, I feel like it shows that a) he’s very aware of how other people are feeling/thinking and wants to make it better, and b) he has, at his core, hope (in this specific situation, hope that they’ll make it out, but it relates to his belief that they have a purpose).

Unpopular opinion: I tbh don’t think that time in Malta was a sex thing at all. I in general don’t read them as a particularly sexual couple, but even if they were, I doubt a sex vacation, of any kind, would be something that stands out that much in a relationship this long. Whatever Malta was, it’s a secret between them and I honestly like that.

Favorite relationship: See, this is why I felt like saying Joe’s favorite relationship was Nicky felt like cheating. Because I’m going to answer the exact same thing. I mean, is there any other option, really. Really. The answer is no and we all know it. Anyway. Joe and Nicky lucked out in Immortal roulette and tbh who can blame Booker for being a little bit bitter about it. Anyone would be jealous of such PERFECTION.

Favorite headcanon: Nicky is the most spiritual member of the Guard (Nile is probably on par with him or even more, but she probably has a few years of faith crisis ahead of her). He has a solid belief in purpose and goodness which is much more firm than his original sense of faith, after centuries of questioning it. I also think that while he probably still maintains a somewhat christian view on faith, the years have eroded away specific religions from it. He’s sort of agnostic, but not in a ‘I don’t know if there’s a higher power’ way, but in a ‘I know there’s a higher power, but I don’t care what name it has’ way.

Both

Idea for a story: Okay I’m doing this one like this because it’s literally the same answer for both lmao. Excluding pieces of character exploration and missing scenes and stuff, I’ve got a fic (on semi-hiatus until I finish my exams) about ‘what if instead of speedrun enemy to lovers, they were DUMB and spent like 400 years pining for each other and not seeing the other is in love too’. I’m also lowkey thinking up a Dragon Age AU, which is more of an entire-cast thing that just these two, but of course their storylines in it go inherently together. It’s probably too big a project for me actually carry out lmao. But it’s there in my mind, I have backstories and character classes and everything in the works. Maybe someday.

[monzterzack]

Talk about Noah!!! I wanna know more!!

AAaaaawwwww heck yeah!!!!

Its morning and i got some energy!!!

Imma talk a bit about noah! Just.... let me get comfy, ill give u 3 of his core traits!!

1. His powers

Ok so .... SOME CONTEXT IS NEEDED

in this universe there are certain people that come from certain tribes that have inmense power, this people used to all share the same power but due to different circumstances (be colonialism, dead, or tribes separating) the marks end up appearing in the last remaining members alive and passing down said powers to their kids

You can diferentiate them from the tattoos that appear in their body, this tattoos are based on animals (noah is a lion, hudson haves a wolf)

SO IN NOAH'S CASE! he has a lion marking and his powers are mainly lighting and speed, he can creste lighting on his body and it can go from just a lil snap to a full blown lighting hit

He has worked his abilities to the best, but his fighting style is usually go FUCKING HAM and kicking and hitting till he lands a blow and obliterates you with his lighting

He is also know and has gotten a reputation for frying people up (which is why a lot of people think he is an evil bastard)

This powers however come as a double sword, they keep noah alive, practically unvincible since they work as a defense mechanism by healing him up as quick as possible, but in the case of mortal danger the powers will take over his body and he will go berserk

2. His alcoholism

Noah started drinking at a fairly young age (he was around 10) out of some misguided toxic masculinity, he was teased that he couldnt possibly be a man if he couldnt even take a sip out of a beer bottle, which is really stupid but also the adults around him that convince him of this were just messing up with him cause he constantly threw anger fits

Unfortunately noah in order to prove he was a man continue drinking and saw it as a personal challenge

After years tho this got mixed with his ptsd and bad mental health, so he stsrted to drink in order to shut the inner voices in his mind that kept telling him to kill himself

Noah spents most of his waking hours getting drunk so he cant think about how lonely and sad he feels constantly

He also drinks to easy the pain from his injuries after working cause he hates taking medication (he always chokes on pills and he haves a phobia around them)

And he also drinks to repress his feelings of attraction towards men, cause YOU GUESS IT, since he is soaked in toxic masculinity he also haves some heavy internalized homophobia and dysphoria around his attraction to man

When he is drunk he usually mellows down a lot around people he trusts, he is also more prown to fights, usually if he sees people mistreating others or if they come pick a fight

He likes been drunk cause then he can be himself a bit more easily, but he is also incredibly vulnerable, so his friends decided that he cant be alone and unsupervised when he gets hammered cause he is .... really a mess

His alcoholism has gotten so out of hand that he neglects any other need, he forgets all his other needs, specially eating, and his friends had tried to help him out of it, but due to lack of proper mental health services and his syndrome disorder making his life a living hell, they had decided to take it easy and first make sure he meets his basic needs and slowly try to get him sober first

3. The syndrome disorder

Noah haves some heavy ptsd, he has had a really REALLY SAD LIFE

Most of the parental figures he knew died.... and .... not very peacefully, so he kinda blames himself about it

He also is trans, and due to like.... the environment he was raised in, haves a very bad case of dysphoria, which is why he so desperately wants to stick to the terrible guidelines he learned

He is really really weird, he doesnt really have hobbies, and after he decided to live alone (at age 15), he hasnt had friends so his social skills are on the ground

He habes rejection sensitive dysphoria which makes social interactions twice as hard

Due to this he has develop several unhealthy defense mechanism, his first responses to been rejected or hurt are to either hurt them back or to isolate and avoid any social interaction from that point on

His self esteem is on the ground so he is very sensitive about what others think of him, he desperately wants to connect to others but also he is scared of abandonment, abuse or people making fun of him so he has made his personality as abresive and hurtful as he cans in order to make others get away from him, which in return make him get more emotionally starved and more emotionally fragile so he is stuck in this cycle

He wants out of this situation but he has messed himself up so much that all his mechanism lock him inside this machine of misery he created in his mind

He has tried therapy before, and he is still going but he goes once every month due to lack of funding, so ... it really isnt helping that much

He haves also insomnia, which only adds up to his issues, and haves many deep phobias that he cant seem to resolve

He's fears go from existential crisis (why am i alive? What if i end up dying alone?) To really childish ones (what if there are demons or ghost in my room? What if something bad happens when i turn off the lights?)

And most of them get worse at night, making it almost impossible for him to sleep

So that just.... makes this whole situation worse

He is also very neglectful of any aspect of his health, be mental, phisical or emotional

He works as a mercenary for two reasons, the first one been that he really doesnt know anything else, he has grown as a mercenary, its all he knows how to do right

And also because he kinda operates in a self destructive manner, where he goes ham and doesnt really takes precautions to avoid injuries

ALL IN ALL HE IS VERY SAD AND ANGSTY AND HE PROBS NEEDS SOME HELP

But do not worry!! Things get better once he starts making friends!!!!

[luimnigh]

Common Misconceptions In The RWBY Fandom

Because this kinda needs to be made. There’s a lot of lines in this show that have been interpreted in strange and weird ways that I feel we need to clear up the misconceptions about. So instead of scattering them through various meta-posts, let’s clear them all up at the same time. So, if you’re willing to come along, let’s begin:

“Bad Father Taiyang” Part 1: Yang raised Ruby

The Misconception:

Now, this is probably the top one I see around the place. And I’m not trying to take anything away from Yang here, she definitely took on a Mothering role in Ruby’s life, a lot of people take this to an extreme. I’ve seen people thinking that Yang would “obviously be good at cooking, having to cook for herself and Ruby” and various statements to that effect.

To put it simply, when Yang says that Taiyang “shut down” in Burning The Candle, they think it meant a full-on, Apathy-like cessation of willpower. That Yang had to take on primary caregiver role.

The Proof Against It:

But that’s disproven only a few lines later. When Yang left the house with Ruby to find her mother, she explicitly says that she “waited for Dad [Taiyang] to leave the house”. Taiyang was still clearly taking care of them, physically at very least.

And even beyond that, Yang and Ruby hold no ill-will against Taiyang. Their relationship is clearly a loving one, with Taiyang falling asleep at Ruby’s beside in Volume 3. And before anyone says that this is a Retcon, in the latter half of Volume 2, we’re shown this good relationship when the girls speak of him after he sends them Zwei in the mail. A package from him is considered something to “cheer her [Ruby] up”.

Do you really think they’d have such a relationship if he was emotionally or caregiving-ly absent? No, because that would be an abusive relationship, which is kind’ve RWBY’s speciality in recognizing.

Even on a meta-level, they cast Burnie Burns, a man who epitomizes a “good father” to the RT community and to the company itself as Taiyang. That doesn’t seem like the casting they’d do for a bad father.

What The Line Really Meant:

For a period of time, Taiyang shut down emotionally. He became depressed. While he cared for his children’s physical needs, he neglected their emotional needs. This is something that clearly has affected Yang, putting the burden of Ruby’s emotional needs on her (a burden she has still helped shoulder since then, though is clearly learning to let go of recently), but not really affected the two girls’ relationship with their father. Taiyang recovered from his depression, and has been an admirable father since then. Like every parent in RWBY, he’s a person, and he’s made mistakes in his parenting, but that doesn’t make him a bad parent.

Yang was Retconned!

The Misconception:

This, technically, can also fall under “Bad Father Taiyang”, but is usually mostly addressed at Miles and Kerry.

I’ve seen people saying that Yang’s fighting ability was retconned into “uses her semblance too much” and “dumb fighter who relies on her power”. People dissecting the pre-Volume 4 fight scenes for evidence of Yang being a smart fighter. Calling this a “retcon” (Retroactive Continuity: when a previous established fact is altered by the writer later in the story).

This all stems from a conversation Yang had with Taiyang, in which he says “Do you realize that you used your semblance to win every fight after the qualifiers?”

The Proof Against It:

Holy crap is this taking Taiyang out context.

Straight up, the lines directly before this were:

Yang: “Let me guess: ‘I was sloppy.’”

Taiyang: “-laughs- No. You were predictable. And stubborn. And maybe a little boneheaded.”

It’s pretty clear from the preceding lines that Taiyang isn’t talking about her fighting style. After some talk about her semblance, and how it won’t always save her, the conversation shifts into one about Raven, her stubbornness, and her similarities with Yang.

During which, Taiyang says that “You both act like the easiest way to tackle an obstacle is through it. That strength is all that matters in a fight.”

Which leads us to:

What The Line Really Meant:

I plan on making a post about this, but Strength is at the core of Yang’s character arc. Not just physical strength at that, but the word that  most people would use here is Power.

Yang is person who was born strong. Not just physically, even. Her core character trait, beyond anything else, is that Yang Xiao Long might get knocked down, but she’ll rise stronger than before. It’s her semblance; her connection to fire is evocative of phoenix motifs; hell the song “I Burn” calls her a Super Saiyan, who have “get stronger from being beaten down” as actual trait of their species.

But Strength, Power isn’t everything. We hear this in one of the first lines of the show, from Salem herself: There Will Be No Victory In Strength.

And that’s the point of the conversation with Taiyang. He explicitly compares her to Raven, who thinks Strength, not just physical and magical but also strength in skill and intelligence, is everything. And Yang has kinda been following that philosophy. She’s been using her strength to try and brute-force situations. We see this in the Yellow Trailer, as she grabs Junior by the balls in order to try extract information from him. We see this in the fight with Neo, when she switches up her fighting style multiple times, but can’t actually beat her. We see this in the fight with Mercury, where Cinder predicted she’d counter Mercury’s fake attack rather than dodge or block.

But this is where Taiyang hammers home the point that Yang’s strength isn’t everything. There are times to use strength, and times to find alternate solutions. And Yang has taken that to heart. The point of the Bandit fight is that while she predicts it, she doesn’t start it, giving her opponents the option to walk away. When Mercury grabs her arm, rather than attack him and get caught up fighting, she lets it go. When she arrives down in the Vauilt, she deconstructs Raven’s motivations so completely that by the time she shoulder-checks her mom on the way past, Raven’s already been defeated.

And when she goes up against Adam, someone who believes in strength just as much as Raven, she ultimately beats him by not using her strength until she’s taken away his.

“Bad Father Taiyang” Part 2: Moping

The Misconception:

Taiyang tells Yang to “stop moping”. This means he isn’t taking her PTSD seriously/he doesn’t understand her true problem/he’s a bad father/Miles and Kerry think PTSD is just moping.

The Proof Against It: See my first point on why Taiyang isn’t a bad father and why he wouldn’t be given such a harsh line unless there was some truth to it.

But on the Miles and Kerry interpretation, they have honestly been doing a fantastic job at portraying what PTSD is actually like. Some credit goes to Barbara as well, but PTSD in RWBY is portrayed as something you have to learn to live with, not overcome or “get better” from. Sure, you can mitigate it, but it’ll unfortunately always be with you.

Yang didn’t “get over” her PTSD by being told to stop moping. Because Taiyang was not referring to her PTSD.

What The Line Actually Meant:

Yang was moping.

See, Yang’s not just suffering from PTSD in Volume 4. She’s also suffering from heartbreak.

Her best friend, the person she was closest to outside of her family, the person she may even have realized that she was in love with, had just left her like Yang feared she would.

Like we’ve established, Yang is all about getting up when she gets knocked down. That’s at the core of her character. I honestly don’t think the missing arm and the PTSD would have kept her back home as long as it did on it’s own. Because we all know how a Xiao Long reacts to heartbreak (See: Taiyang “shutting down”).

But also because Adam straight-up told us that Blake leaving hurt more than losing an arm did.

What do I mean by that?

See, the whole point of the Adam fight is to explain to Blake what Yang wants to say but knows she can’t. The person Adam pretended to be is Yang, even if he doesn’t know it. Every line he says after he takes off the mask is something that actually applies to Yang’s feelings towards Blake.

“People hurt me long before we met” = Raven’s abandonment, Summer’s death

“But no-one hurt me quite like you. You didn’t leave scars, you just left me alone” = Blake left Yang after someone else had left her a scar (the arm)

“She made a promise to me once” = Literally paralleling the promises Blake has made to both people

Blake knows Yang and Pretend!Adam are alike. In semblance, in personality, it’s why she fears Yang going bad at the Vytal Tournament. And it’s why Adam saying that “no-one hurt me quite like you” triggers Blake’s realisation of why Yang doesn’t want Blake to protect her. Because it would leave her alone.

Yang can handle anything life throws at her besides Blake leaving. So when Yang was left moping after being left behind by the woman she loves, who better to point out she was moping than the person who’s been through the same thing twice?

The Birds

The Misconception:

And finally, the subject that began this rant of mine. The revelation to our heroes that Raven and Qrow can turn into birds.

People, quite confusing, take this to mean that our heroes are rendered suspicious of Ozpin because… he gave Qrow and Raven magical powers? They decry it as not really making sense, a false way to create tension between our heroes and Ozpin.

But maybe there’s a reason why it doesn’t make sense?

What The Line Really Meant:

Just look at the wording people. "What you did to Qrow and my mother", "What Oz did to my brother and me".

Raven implied that Ozpin gave them magic, placed this burden on them, without their consent. And Yang was rightfully pissed at the idea of such a thing. The rest of the group are taken aback at such an idea, because if it can happen to Ozpin’s previous generation of followers, it could happen to them.

You see Yang only reacts when Qrow firmly states that "We made a choice, we wanted this". It’s a look of shock. Raven lied to her.

And that’s why she tells Ozpin “No more lies, no more half-truths”. Raven has placed doubt in her mind, but both sides have lied to her at this stage. The only way to make sure she’s on the right side is if one of them isn’t lying to her, feeding her half-truths and lies of omission.

Which is why she takes it so hard when he omits the truth again. Down in the Vault, Yang made her choice. She chose Ozpin over her mother, permanently. There’s no going back from what Yang said to her. And then Ozpin omits the truth again, about the Relic, and this not only makes Yang question if she made the right choice, but reminds her that if she’s made the wrong one, she can’t go back on it. That’s she’s sacrificed any hope of a relationship with her mother for Ozpin, a man who can’t stop lying to her.

Conclusion:

I hope I’ve helped clear up some misconceptions for you guys, and made your RWBY-watching experience less confusing and misinformed. If you liked this, please reblog and share these corrections, so that the fandom no longer gets caught up on these moments.

These are just the misconceptions that I’ve been to dredge up from my memory on a Sunday night, so if I spot any more I’ll add them in later reblogs.

[rwbyconversations]

“It was never about that,” or why Sun went to Menagerie

One of my favorite characters in RWBY is the absolute madlad himself, Sun Wukong. Be it his constant charisma, Michael’s consistently great vocal performance, his fantastic weapons and two of the better fights in their respective volumes, Sun has constantly been near or even in the top ten list of my favorite characters of the show. Perhaps the largest reason for that though is how Sun is a very consistent character in his own right. 

One of the more controversial choices Sun has made however was his following of Blake to Menagerie in Volume 4. Following this Sun got accusations of being a stalker, of only going so he could have sex with Blake, of being someone who didn’t care for Blake as a person beyond wanting what he couldn’t have. To which I say, “It’s OK for you to have bad opinions.” 

Regardless. I think this take on Sun is quite unfair, and as such, today I’d like to explain why Sun went to Menagerie and why he wasn’t doing it just to kiss Blake. Also be warned that the end of this post has spoilers for Volume 6 Chapter 1. Thanks to @fakebrandon for supplying many of the images in this post.

(how can anyone hate this pure lad istg)

1) Miscommunication and Sun’s bullheadedness

You know how I said Sun’s a consistent character throughout the whole show? I wasn’t kidding, even as far back as Volume 2.

Sun may not be as good a leader as Ruby, but he does get the core idea of what Ozpin taught Ruby (and she subsequently taught Jaune) in Volume 1- strength in unity. Ruby phrases it as how the leader must put their team before themselves, Sun instead sees it as working together as a group to overcome what one person cannot. His ideals are consistent about this- Sun always tries to help and when he can, he gets people involved. It’s quite fitting then that Sun is one of the students who takes charge during the Fall of Beacon, trying to get everyone out along with Port and Oobleck. 

Butting his head in is one of Sun’s most enduring traits, one fitting for the Monkey King. Unfortunately it’s also one that causes him no end of strife in Volume 4 when he goes after Blake. 

Sun, I love you, but what possessed you to think this was a good idea beyond the cool factor?

It’s largely due to miscommunication that Sun follows Blake- in his own words he thinks she’s going on a “one-woman rampage against the White Fang!” Sun’s moral compass refuses to let him sit by while he thinks Blake is risking life and limb on what’s effectively a suicide mission. Notice how Sun’s crush on Blake never comes up in the conversation, in fact barring Sun making a few cases of verbal innuendo, it’s never addressed directly in Volume 4. Sun is a bit flirty during the Sea Dragon fight with his quips- 

Keep in mind how Blake looks in these GIFs... we’ll be coming back to this later

But he doesn’t take it past that. He doesn’t even go for anything intimate like a hug once the Grimm has been destroyed. Sun goes for, of all things, a high-five. 

While yes, Sun could have approached Blake in a less foolish manner and gotten himself a few less slaps in the process, it fits his character to be so brazen. Sun’s always been someone who wants to help his friends, and that brazen, cocksure attitude was what Blake needed when she was recovering; someone who wanted to help her, but didn’t want anything from it. Keep in mind that Sun never tries to take advantage of Blake while she recovers, no hugs, kisses or even finger guns. Remember, he thought she was going on a vengeance mission, his crush never factors into it on a conscious level- no doubt it influenced his decision to stick the rest of SSN on a bus to offscreen land on a subconscious level, but Sun as a character has always remained true to his roots of getting involved for better or for worse. And in this case, for the better. And his following Blake is just nailing that trait of his to the wall.

2) Blake needed someone to help her learn to stop running

Blake had a bad habit of running from her problems in the early days of RWBY- she ran from her parents when they left the White Fang, she ran from Adam when he became a kill-happy psycho, and she ran from Beacon when said psycho decided to help Yang on a radical weight-loss program involving her limb. The one time she refuses to run at the Fall of Beacon, Adam punishes her for it with a gut-stab and a fresh amputation. So once she could, Blake ran. She ran before Yang had even regained consciousness from the wound sustained for Blake, apparently only staying on Patch long enough to make sure everyone on-board got out alive before running for the hills. 

While Sun followed Blake because he assumed she was going to war, Sun serves a vital purpose in Blake’s character arc of getting her to stop running from her problems and, at least partly, get her to stop blaming herself for the actions others take.

Blake only really proves Sun’s point during their confrontations across the last third of Volume 4- Blake is aggressive, outright slapping him twice, hard enough that he felt pain from it, something Arryn herself has felt was out of character for her. Even in spite of that he puts himself at risk to secure the scroll, taking a nasty shot to the shoulder in the first confrontation with Ilia. When Sun wakes up, Blake immediately begins making his injury about her and why she left, even ordering him to shut up at one point.

But Sun doesn’t give in to anger or snap at her like Adam would. Instead Sun waits for her to finish before calmly and gently calling Blake on her bullshit. Sun bluntly tells Blake that while she can make her choices...

This is Sun at his most solemn and quiet as he speaks to Blake, Michael kills it with his performance here. Sun only puts the pressure on Blake to finally make her realize the flaws in her self-loathing, to pull her out of the darkness that she believes her past with the White Fang has drenched her in and into the light of acceptance and redemption. Or as Like Morning Follows Night put it:

Life's not a game you can play to get even We all make mistakes, but we need to move on I know that you hate where you strayed Forgiving yourself is the only way Just look ahead, yesterday is gone

The kicker is, this works. Thanks to Sun helping to pull her out of her funk, the Blake we see in Volume 5 is much more balanced as an individual. She still looks on the past with regret, but now is more set on striding forward and changing the future, emboldened by the mistakes of the past. While Ghira and Kali would have pulled Blake back from the brink with the time, acceptance and love that only a parent can provide, and please do not assume I am undermining the valuable part they played in Blake’s recovery, Sun not just placidly taking Blake’s crap gives her the reality call that neither Ghira or Kali could have provided. Kali and Ghira gave Blake a home to recover in physically, and Sun gave her the confrontation she needed to confront her past emotionally. Sun was the only person Blake met at Beacon who really could provide that reality check- Weiss would be shot on sight, Ruby would be too pure, Yang too caught up in her own deep-rooted issues. Sun was the only person able to break her walls down and let the light shine on her dark psyche. The mindset that Sun helps her develop is a mindset that Blake carries into her next song, This Time, a duet with Ghira.

This time The ways of the past we'll get over We'll climb Enlighten a new state of mind And now I'll stand with you shoulder to shoulder Out of the ashes a new flame ignite Rise up from shadows and into the light

That lesson that Sun teaches Blake goes on to play a vital role in Volume 5- Blake uses those teachings to reach out to Ilia, to be there for her even though Ilia won’t want her to be there (Blake also spells out in this scene what I spent the past few paragraphs saying- she tried to push Sun out but his refusal forced her to better herself). 

And when Blake finishes, Sun just has this quiet, almost proud smile on his face. The student has become the mentor, and Sun’s proud to see Blake stepping up and resolving to help someone like he helped her. After all, you should always get your friends involved.

This guy is a literal ray of sunshine and even if you don’t ship them I hope you can appreciate how well their dynamic works. 

3) “It was never about that!”

I hope by this point I’ve made it clear that Sun’s intentions were far from romantic when he followed Blake, and that they were the last thing on his mind when he was on the island with her. Sun’s his usual charming self at a few points but barring an awkwardly hilarious scene with Ghira, Sun never tries to put the moves on Blake during Volumes 4 or 5, unless you want to classify “the moves” as helping beat up on Blake’s abuser. 

“All women are queens Adam!”

“If she breathes, she’s a THOT!” 

Sun and Blake have a lot of adorably cute moments in the Volume 5 finale as the Battle of Haven winds down. In those above GIFs of Sun saying “My hero!” Look how exasperated Blake is. Now look at her.

Her smile is genuine, it reaches her eyes and her ears perk up. That’s a smile of genuine gratitude. Remember when I told you to keep her stiffness in the V4 GIFs in mind? Still do that, but remember it in this case.

It’s only now after nearly two entire volumes that Sun actually offers a flirtatious line towards Blane- “No promises,” he quips as he rushes off into battle, giving Blake the chance to be the hero and help save her team from Hazel, Emerald and Mercury. He even tugs Blake towards her team after all the fighting has ceased, letting Blake have her chance to finally reconnect with her team- Sun, again, getting friends involved when he can.

This is the most intimate thing Sun instigates all show and he only does it after expressly earning Blake’s trust and admiration. Also dayum Sun you smooth boi

Sun sadly leaves the party in the next episode, since now that he’s helped Blake he has to go help the team he ditched in Mistral. Sun, as Michael put it in a panel pre-Volume 6, pulls his head out of his ass and decides to help his own team. They were fine while he helped Blake, but now that she’s back in the team’s safe hands, Sun needs to sort his own business out. Also he might just hate the cold, not ruling anything out. 

You can tell how close Sun and Blake have gotten just by the proximity of which they stand beside each other. When they spoke on the boat in V4 there was a large gap between them, but now they’re almost bumping shoulders.

Blake and Sun’s conversation serves as the capstone of Blake and Sun’s development across Volumes 4 and 5. Sun gently tells Blake that she doesn’t need him now that she’s back with her own team, and Blake is almost... resistant to him going. She’s grown used to Sun’s presence, a far cry from how she was in Volume 4, and part of her isn’t really ready to let go of her friend just yet. Sun obviously is holding a candle, but their conversation ends on a bittersweet note, with both acknowledging that Blake has some baggage to deal with, but Sun is confident that Blake can handle herself with the aid of RWBY. That said, he doesn’t rule out a reunion and another chance to rekindle that spark, confident that they’ll reunite. And Blake...

“Platonic” my ass, Blake’s even doing the Princess Diaries heel-lift!

While leaving Blake at the train to Argus, Neptune weighs in and feels like Sun is letting Blake go. Sun bluntly shoots that down, saying the line “It was never about that.” Because for Sun, it was never about pursuing Blake romantically when he went after her. Sun saw a friend, an ally who he cared for deeply, diving into a well of self-loathing and running off on what he thought was a suicide mission, so he dived in right after her to pry her free from the darkness. Does Sun care for Blake romantically? Without a shadow of a doubt. But Sun did not see a girl wrought with depression and anxiety and saw a romantic conquest, he’s not some shallow blunderhead like some people like to portray him as. Was he insensitive in his not coming forward immediately? Perhaps, but the two have moved on from that incident. 

To conclude, Sun is a fundamentally good person, a literal ray of sunshine who saw a friend of his in peril and put his own life on hold to help her. While Sun was likely influenced subconsciously by his crush for Blake, his overriding desire to help a friend in need was the primary motivation- in fact, Sun barely even touches Blake outside of friendly banter scenes. He never has an obvious romantic intent with Blake and only has her best interests at heart. Along with Blake’s parents, he provides a stable foundation for Blake to recover, and she in turn helps him get over the grudge he had with Ilia without him ever realizing it. Sun never seeks to take advantage of Blake in her fraught state of mind and his bond with her is a lifelong commitment to have each other’s backs. Come rain or shine, I know they’ll meet again and it’ll be like these two companions never parted ways to begin with. 

Because that’s Sun, at his core; you should always get friends involved, come rain or shine. And when he’s around, you bet he shines.

Thank you for reading.

And of course, never forget the raw glorious power of the gun-chucks.

[kpoptrashchild]

Distance (Jinyoung Scenario)

JinyoungxReader

Genre: Angst/Fluff 

Word Count: 1271

masterlist 

A/N: it has been so long since i’ve written something on here, but i had this dream last night and i cannot get it out of my head. i woke up with chills and i felt them while writing it. it speaks a lot to me emotionally, and i hope you can get something out of it too! 

You couldn’t even guess what brought you to this point, what pushed things so far. It started as a disagreement, one not unfamiliar to you and Jinyoung. But today, for some reason, it turned from a disagreement to an argument to the biggest fight you had experienced in your relationship. Both of you were hurt deeply; both of you made mistakes in the mess of it all. You couldn’t think of anything else but getting away from the negative space, from Jinyoung’s hurt face, just so you could process your pain. And that’s exactly what you did.

Standing there with Jinyoung while regret reverberated off the walls was too much to handle. You walked out to clear your head and breathe, leaving the room that had tensed with silence behind you. You realized how caught up you were in your own racing thoughts when the cold of the night air bit your skin. A jacket, a sweater, even a long-sleeve shirt would have been a good idea, but you had none of these. And there was no way you were going back inside. You were too stubborn. You were in too much pain. If you looked at Jinyoung while you were in this state, you surely would have burst into tears. So you kept walking, stomping through the cold night to keep your muscles awake as your burning anger turned to a heavy sadness.

You found a nook down a stairway by some corporate building and made that your temporary resting place. It was quiet and non-intrusive, allowing you to sit with your thoughts. The shock hadn’t worn off yet. The words thrown between you and Jinyoung had been so sharp you almost didn’t recognize either of your voices. Why had it gone so far this time? Was there something bigger between you, pushing you apart? Was this distance irrevocable? Would you find only emptiness if you reached your hand out to him again? Did you have the strength to? Did you even want to?

Of course you did. It was Jinyoung, after all. He was your person, and as much as what happened hurt, you knew it would hurt so much more to give up on this relationship. You already missed him, even with the anger and sadness smacking around inside you. You ached. From the fight, from your worries, from the bitter cold. You felt small and alone, on the verge of tears but not ready to be knocked down by the flood.

And then you heard footsteps. Annoyance interrupted your emotional turmoil. The absolute last thing you wanted to do right now was to put energy into ignoring a stranger who walked by. Or worse, having to explain to that stranger why you were sitting in front of an office building in the middle of the night. You straightened your slumped body to give off the impression that you were meant to be there. As the steps got closer, you preemptively turned your head to assess what the encounter would be, if there would even be one at all. Your heart lifted as your stomach sank when you saw him.

Jinyoung was determinedly moving towards you, jacket in hand and brows furrowed as deeply as his frown. Your first reaction came from your anger; you held steadfast in your place, sitting as tall and as rigid as your stiff bones would allow. You didn’t want to admit that you were cold, that you wanted nothing more than to hold Jinyoung and recite “I love you” as many times as your voice would allow. You wanted to convince him--and yourself--that you were sure in your feelings. This stubbornness, a trait shared between both of you, that escalated the fight in the first place almost lasted. Almost.

As soon as Jinyoung was close enough to touch you, he held out the jacket. Words weren’t needed right now. They had caused too many problems at this point. What mattered was action, and Jinyoung had made his feelings very clear with a simple gesture. He had reached out his hand. And you had to decide what you would do with it.

You stood up. Jinyoung took that as his cue to lay the jacket on you, gently and assuredly. You felt your muscles relaxing and a familiar warmth spreading inside you. Its presence was overwhelming. It had only been gone for a short time, but its absence had quickly hollowed you out to your core. With its return finally came your tears. The sobs burst from you before you could even take a breath. Jinyoung wrapped you in his arms, holding you as close to his chest as he could. The silence was different now: strong, lasting, secure. Your sobs subsided to simpler cries after some time, and Jinyoung took that as a sign to get you back home. He never let go of you, looking over every few seconds to make sure you were still there. You couldn’t look at him without more tears forcing their way out of you, so your eyes stayed forward, but your anxieties slipped away as the volumes spoken by Jinyoung’s gaze replaced the lonely silence that had brought you outside in the first place.

The room was no longer suffocating, just an empty room. You two stepped in and it started to feel full again. Not complete, but not completely void of what belonged there. Jinyoung removed your jacket before he set his on a chair, and he followed you as you settled yourself on the couch. Still crying, still wondering why it wouldn’t stop, you held your face in your hands. And Jinyoung stayed right next to you, so close you could feel your couch cushion dipping under his weight. The distance between you two was closing, and you craved for it to disappear, to shatter as abruptly as it had grown. You were so desperate for some kind, any kind of contact, but you lacked the strength to say anything. All you could do was cry, let the tears dry up your insides, purge the pain from a very near past. Jinyoung understood this, understood you. Air brushed your face as Jinyoung grasped your hand, carrying it so carefully that you couldn’t be sure of the contact. The second he felt your skin against his lips he shut his eyes, absorbing and savoring the sensation of your touch. A new kind of chill ran over your skin, through your bones, as Jinyoung meticulously kissed your fingers, hand, wrist, and all of your arm up until your shoulder. No empty space existed. All had been blessed by his lips, your prayers answered without a single word spoken. As his kiss lingered on your shoulder, you felt his breath change, an inhale much deeper and longer this time. Jinyoung moved closer, changing the distance between you ever so slightly, and rested his forehead against yours. Your eyes stung but you kept them open, knowing you needed to consume as much of this contact as humanly possible. Before the silence became meaningless, Jinyoung opened his mouth. A whisper so soft you wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the intent that spilled from his lips.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

A new kind of tears fell from your eyes as you reached your free hand up to hold his face. His grasp on your wrist tightened as your lips met his. The distance had disappeared. Your love filled up the empty space, and you were so thankful both pairs of hands reached out instinctively even when both minds were too scared to say another word.

[crowspy]

// verse: fallout (cliffnotes)

(shit is still long, check under the cut)

history

overview - born in 2254 at raven rock as shouta yamamoto - if asked, he’ll insist he doesn’t have parents and instead spontaneously burst into existence one day as a fully grown adult - in truth, both of his parents died when he was still a baby, and he doesn’t have any memory of them, as he was primarily raised by the enclave’s nursery and education system - the enclave put a heavy emphasis on Patriotism and Loyalty and Group Think, but those who were more prone to independent and quick-thinking were encouraged to pursue careers in the secret service over the department of the army and scientific fields - so, to the secret service he went. aside from the duty of protecting the president, the enclave’s secret service also served as their intelligence agency (canon) - shouta proved to thrive in training for surface missions, particularly those requiring long-term undercover assignments - he wasn’t prone to forming close bonds even among those who raised him and he was raised alongside; he exhibited high amounts of independent thinking and persistence in the face of obstacles (which also meant he was prone to making trouble around the base); he proved to be “irritatingly patient” when it came to achieving his goals, and even when bored and restless, he didn’t lose sight of those goals; he showed an aptitude for stealth-oriented combat ... - yeah, all in all, he perfectly qualified as “get him the fuck out of here so he can make himself useful to us out there getting information”

personal life growing up - his difficulty forming close bonds started when he was very young, as a matter of course from the lack of solid parental figures, let alone remotely caring ones - sprinkle in a dose of lingering pre-war anti-asian racism (which survived thanks to the enclave’s nationalistic attitude) [headcanon], and he wasn’t exactly encouraged or motivated to grow close to anyone - this in particular met badly with his stubborn streak and small stature, which all combined into him learning to be an underhanded little shit who liked to stir up trouble just to annoy everyone around him - he also learned to keep his true opinions to himself, because the enclave is heavy-handed in its punishments (especially those considered potentially traitorous) [headcanon], and while he liked being difficult in nature, he also liked having basic privileges and being alive - all of those qualities that made him useful to the secret service were born more or less out of a survival instinct - he had a reputation — among both his peers and the adults in charge of him — of being a nosy, noisy, restless, easily bored, passive aggressive smartass, thanks to the above traits coupling with his high need for mental stimulation - he didn’t so much have friends among his peers as he had people he found entertaining and who thought he was funny ... but none of them were willing to back him up if (when) he ever got in trouble (which contributed to that whole “not forming close bonds” thing) - the enclave believed in using harsh punishments on those who stepped out of line, to make them an example of improper behavior [headcanon]. with shouta, though, all that did was drive him farther away from their core beliefs - it was kind of a vicious circle, oroborous-style. the enclave’s treatment of shouta caused him to question them, and the more he questioned them, the worse things got for him - but he was always careful to toe that line so he wouldn’t get exiled or executed, and he worked hard at his training to prove himself useful so they’d be even more reluctant to permanently get rid of him - overall, though, the general populace was glad to see him sent out into the wasteland and shouta was equally glad to get the fuck out, if not more so

secret agent man - he was deployed as a secret service undercover operative at the age of eighteen - it was around this time he first started using the name “bellamy” as his code name - his ability to learn fast and think quick on his feet helped to get him established. he ended up so successful at his job that he ended up staying out of the bunker for months at a time, and never had to break his cover - while it was tempting to use his cover to disappear into the wasteland and cut ties with the enclave, there were a couple of things keeping him from doing that - reason number one being that he wasn’t immune to the way the enclave conditioned its members. he still ended up with a longing to be connected to a group, to a greater cause, and even if he didn’t really fall in step with the enclave’s party line, the enclave was part of his identity - reason number two being the simple fact that he didn’t want to have to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life, waiting for his former family to come hunt him down and kill him for turning traitor

the fall of the enclave - he was twenty-three when the lone wanderer left vault 101, and he had no knowledge of the truth behind president eden’s plan - he was also fortunate enough to not be at raven rock when the lone wanderer led the brotherhood of steel and liberty prime to the enclave’s doorstep - his partner at the time had a wife who was a first lieutenant in the military, and when she managed to escape with a band of others, she refused to leave without louis — so when they stopped to collect him, they got +1 bellamy, too - louis and bellamy used their undercover skills to help the others stand out less in order to increase their chances of surviving as they fled the capitol wasteland - once they reached the commonwealth, the survivors scattered, only keeping bare minimum coded radio contact throughout the next ten years

the commonwealth - by the time of 2287, bellamy is aged thirty-three and has staked a range of jobs to make a living, including: - scavving (in general and also for hire, since his stealth skills made it possible for him to slip in and out of locations to retrieve items for pay) - acting as an informant (for just about anyone, unwittingly even giving information to institute agents) - farming (for a very brief period of time, for the sake of having the new experience) - a caravan guard (he didn’t enjoy this too much) - mercenary (not as a heavy, though; he took on the quieter jobs, the kind that his employers didn’t want to draw attention to) - starting in 2285, he started operating out of diamond city, first running general errands and running specific scavving requests for shopkeepers and citizens - about a year or so later, he also signed on with the railroad as a tourist, feeding them information about goings-on within diamond city (codename? corby) - as he gradually earned trust, he worked his way up into a cushy job for an upper stands citizen as a personal assistant — still running errands they don’t want to deal with themselves, but also delivering messages and handing sticky social, then political situations, earning him even more reputation points

personality

positive traits: adaptable, communicative, independent neutral traits: curious, cautious, extroverted negative traits: nosy, obnoxious, trust issues wants: constant stimulation, information, a group to belong to doesn’t want: physical contact, boredom, to fall back in with enclave-like groups

- high energy, leading to near constant restlessness - too smart for his own damn good - high need for mental stimulation - which means boredom is a major problem - and yet has been known to be frustratingly patient when pursuing end goals - hoards information — knowing as much as possible is a safety net for him - interested in literally everything; prone to self-educating - this includes other people, and this interest is genuine; doesn’t believe there’s such a thing as “boring people” - curious, nosy - but cautious; doesn’t like to make a move unless he knows as much as he can, whenever feasible, and doesn’t like to make enemies whenever possible - adaptable and opportunistic - communicative, talkative (notorious for Never Shutting Up) - independent — works well on his own, isn’t prone to emotionally relying on anyone - externally-oriented (and not introspective, like... at all) - social, likes being around people and is energized by it - in addition, he likes being a member of A Group™, and likes having a group identity, both for emotional reasons and resource reasons (having access to people who know things he doesn’t and can do things he can’t) - but at the same time, emotionally distant — for all his energy, he isn’t actually much of a warm person (and he’s really bad at emotional support) - demonstrates affection by presenting gifts and experiences, and by performing acts of espionage on their behalf without their knowledge or consent - generally forms loose bonds; he might like someone just fine, but if it comes down to it, he has no issue dropping most everything and leaving it all behind - secretly a soft touch, though, especially for kids and underdogs in general - for all that he doesn’t think twice about morality, he still manages to have a conscience, which is something he rues - honestly not a terrible guy, when it comes down to it - hands-on boundary learning... meaning he’ll do everything he can to try to “accidentally” hit people’s buttons at least once so he knows where the limits are - pragmatic, practical, not prone to idealism, but not exactly a cynic, either - not ambitious — he’ll take what he can get and make what he can’t, but doesn’t have any desire to climb social ladders for the sake of power or control - somehow manages to do poorly and very well with authority at the same time, born out of a youth of pushing the line almost to the point of breaking, but being very careful not to break it - another way his lack of ambition (and ego) is exhibited is in the fact that he has no desire to show off or prove that he’s the smartest in the room (he’d actually rather be overlooked than get in a pissing contest, and honestly he wants to be underestimated. it’s a safety thing) - in addition, he doesn’t like responsibility, so there’s that aspect of it, too — if he isn’t in charge, someone has to be - unfortunately, his soft spot and conscience can combine to him taking on responsibility, because he doesn’t feel he could live with himself if he walked away...

bonus (non-personality) - Does Not Like Physical Contact - doesn’t even like being reminded he has skin, so he covers up as much as possible - overall doesn’t like being reminded of his physical existence - if he slowed down to self-inspect and/or had the resources, he’d figure out that he’d be happiest identifying as non-binary. he wouldn’t change his pronouns, but it’d help him be more comfortable in his body - he’s also likely aroace

personality typings mbti: ESTP enneagram: type 6 wing 5, self-preserving/social sun sign: gemini temperament: sanguine-choleric dæmon: american crow hogwarts house: ravenclaw

stats

birth name: shouta yamamoto code/chosen name: bellamy rook age: 33 height: 5′2″ hair color: black hair style: mid-length, bangs covering his forehead, does he have ears? nobody knows eye color: dark brown ethnicity: japanese descent face claim: fujiki naohito

(the below is written as an amalgamation of the systems in fallout 3, new vegas, and 4)

Strength: 5 Perception: 9 Endurance: 4 Charisma: 8 Intelligence: 12 Agility: 7 Luck: 7

tagged skills: speech, sneak, lockpick

most used skills: tagged skills, small guns, melee weapons, barter

traits: small frame, wild wasteland

perks: big leagues 4, armorer 3, blacksmith 2, pickpocket 4, rifleman 3, awareness 2, locksmith 3, lead belly 1, cap collector 2, lone wanderer 1, inspirational 1, medic 1, gun nut 2, hacker 3, scrapper 2, science! 1, nerd rage! 1, gunslinger 4, sneak 5, mister sandman 3, action boy 1, moving target 1, ninja 3, better criticals 2, critical banker 1

general equipment: non-unique version of deliverer, hunting rifle, combat knives (too many), grenades, any variation of gas mask (very common to see him with one on when not undercover). doesn’t have a typical outfit because he dresses to blend in, but when he’s being himself instead of a cover, he dresses in layers on layers on layers

factions: enclave, railroad (tourist), diamond city, caravans

loves: peaceful resolutions to violent scenarios, asking for more information, running cases for nick valentine, speaking as silver shroud, being supportive of travis during confidence man

likes: sarcasm, nice response, lockpicking, armor modding

dislikes: mean response, genetic purity sentiment or anything resembling it (like human elitism), supporting the brotherhood party line

hates: mean sarcasm, violent response, nudity, murder, brotherhood ending

companion perk: a light touch — when using light melee weapons, your damage and effectiveness is based on either your agility or your strength, whichever is higher. (standard: all melee damage and effectiveness is based on strength)

affinity quest: TBD

[ganymedesclock]

What do you think of a theory floating around that Shiro dislikes Lance? Because honestly, I'm stumped how anyone can come to that conclusion because we were given examples of how Shiro acts around people he doesn't like and how Lance would behave if he was around someone who he's aware of either doesn't like, trust, or isn't too fond of him and the interactions between Lance and Shiro just doesn't seem anywhere comparable to the scenarios I'm talking about.

I think it’s a pretty clear juxtaposition of two fandom trends.

1. There’s a very robust group of people who are very fond of victimizing Lance.

I kind of refer to this as the “langst party” but I think that’s not entirely true because some people write “langst” purely for the sake of enjoying frolicking in dark places and that’s, y’know, can’t fault them.

But roughly, there’s a very vested interest in sections of the fandom in seeing Lance not as one of the most emotionally savvy people on the team and overall a hero who is able to take care of himself and meaningfully deal with his own insecurities, but as a defenseless and intensely vulnerable person, to the point of giving him a character flaw of internalizing things without discussing them with people (a character flaw markedly held by Shiro, and Keith, and to a lesser degree Allura, but definitely not by Lance).

Because the point of this exercise is nobody loves Lance more than them, and in fact, everybody else hates Lance. His team hates him, his friends hate him, random people at the Garrison hated him, the writers hate him…

Which is… manifestly not true. But it needs to be true to see Lance as an unloved victim which is very important for, I think, flattering themselves (or whoever they want to ship Lance with) as the one person who can see his real worth.

Which, being fair- if there’s one trait here that is authentically Lance, it’s the concept of hidden worthiness. Lance out of the team has a conflicted relationship with his specific “heroic identity”. He first specifically, strategically interrupts Allura so as not to hear it, and then when it is finally stated in the open- that the Blue Lion is the heart of the team- it’s Lance saying it with certainty and confidence… about Allura.

Lance worries his contributions aren’t enough and then when he realizes they are important he assumes Allura can do it better, which… he’s wrong. And this is frustrating.

But Lance is not hated, by Shiro or otherwise- this perception of Lance as an interpersonal underdog is frankly, morbidly hilarious to me because Lance is the interpersonal champion of the team. His major successes- s2e2, s4e6, to name examples- come from connecting with other people and knowing his feelings. He did the best during the Lion Swap- a few embarrassing near-collisions in Red but other than that almost immediately settling in and working the kinks out- because he’s good at knowing where he is emotionally.

And yet, the attitude is out there- because the ultimate point of this exercise is it has nothing to do with Lance the character’s feelings- it has everything to do with the fans who want to consume the feeling that they’re the only one who cares about him, that they’re lifting up this wounded soul. And in that case, pointing out that canonically Lance is manifestly not a wounded soul, and doesn’t need to be fawned over, and has friends who are there to support him, doesn’t appeal. It’s not what they’re getting out of it.

The other side of it, with Shiro in particular:

2. Shiro is mistaken for an ideal person and judged harshly when he doesn’t live up to that ideal.

Shiro adores his team. Compassion and empathy are traits he places a very high value on. In Shiro’s eyes, a leader who fails to support, nurture, and care for their subordinates is the lowest form of filth- they have failed the fundamental thing that makes them worth following. As a leader, he thinks that it’s his job to take care of these people. It’s one of the first things he says about the idea in s1e1: “My team was captured by aliens once, I’m not going to let it happen again.”

Shiro reflexively takes charge, not in that he starts bossing people around but in that he immediately feels responsible for other people’s welfare. And this is a charming and heroic trait- this is the worthiness the Black Lion sees in him.

It’s also a product of the fact that Shiro lives his life ruled by a sense of responsibility and anyone he views as in a situation comparable to his- Zarkon, Lubos, Slav, Keith in s3/early s4- Shiro feels comfortable projecting the unrelenting sledgehammer of his own personal standards on them.

As I just made a post about, Shiro reads as someone with PTSD and OCPD. In short, he’s got a lot on his plate while already being naturally kind of high-strung and prone to internalizing struggles as personal failings. He’s under a lot of pressure and its inevitable not all of his interactions with the team are going to be perfect. He’s going to mess up, he’s going to yell at people, he’s going to regret it and try to do better. This is all pretty standard- it’s the behavior we see from the rest of the cast, and, people in general, especially people like Shiro who, again, have a massive load of stress they’re dealing with.

However, there’s a pervasive perception of Shiro as the completely well-adjusted, infinitely more mature than the rest of the cast, flat-out father figure- which is through and through not who he is. Because of this, completely understandable instances of Shiro losing his temper are viewed out of universe either as complete jokes (s2e10 and its fandom reaction) or suddenly not funny any more because now he’s losing patience with Keith, and this must be evidence that Shiro is sinister and evil somehow now.

As much as the fandom has a bad habit of treating Lance like a victim, the fandom has an equally bad habit of either treating Shiro like a saint who can do no wrong or- when he fails to live up to that- like a demon out to ruin everyone’s lives, especially Lance’s.

Roughly, Shiro has had some imperfect interactions, with Lance and with others. This is because he’s an imperfect person. The problem is, with the expectation he should be, or that he’s presenting himself as such, it means that his imperfect interactions are seen as an act of malice, rather than again, a stressed person with a lot on his plate not always knowing the right thing to say. The perception that Shiro is actively or maliciously disregarding Lance, rather than the fact that even out as far as season 4, our heroes are still growing and getting to know each other.

The truth of it..?

In s1e1, Shiro is contextualized as Lance’s personal hero, and his first interaction towards Lance is remembering his name unprompted, thanking Lance for helping him, and offering Lance his hand. Lance eyes the mechanical prosthetic, unsure of how to feel about alien technology, but then looks up at Shiro’s face- smiles, and clasps it. The implication is thus that Lance is slightly uncomfortable at first with the implications of what happened to Shiro, but he trusts Shiro.

Shiro is shown in this scene to live up to Lance’s admiration of him. He’s, at the core, a good person.

Now, there are also a few scenes in early season 1 of Shiro sort of rolling his eyes, expressing frustration, or shutting Lance down. Again, Shiro is a perfectionist who’s very concerned with making a good impression, and Lance is the kind of guy who’s much more inclined to wing it. In that sense, Lance is more confident than Shiro- he’s not afraid to look goofy. This contrast is shown big time in s4e4, when Shiro is positively wooden and painfully uncomfortable the entire time, while Lance is hamming up his lines and dangling from the Red Lion striking poses for strangers.

(Seriously, consider Lance basically doing the clothed equivalent of a pole dance in front of an audience full of strangers compared to Shiro’s look of visceral discomfort when Worm Coran presents him with a tight shirt to wear)

This initially leads to conflict (s1e1, “Girl, you’ve already activated my-” “LANCE.”, s1e6 and “Nope, not doing that.”) but we never see anything I would call a major falling out between Shiro and Lance- and Shiro relaxes a lot around Lance as the series goes on.

As you say, anon, Shiro doesn’t treat Lance like someone he doesn’t like, because Shiro is someone of incredibly pointed standards- if he doesn’t like someone, he verbally lays into them with an intensity that makes it very clear. Even the early stress between them is not because Shiro dislikes Lance- he likes Lance, and sees him as someone he wants to take responsibility for/take care of. It takes Shiro a while to come to trust Lance as someone who can take care of himself, but that’s very much present by the time of s2e10- the point at which Lance confidently states he can make an incredibly difficult shot and Shiro- despite not knowing much of Lance’s marksmanship- hangs back and trusts Lance to make that shot.

This is a big deal for Shiro, who really dislikes being hands-off. And when Lance makes that shot, Shiro praises him in a way that suggests he was very impressed.

Shiro sees Lance as someone he can be proud of to have on his team. They may not always agree, but Shiro trusts Lance. He does override him in s4e6, however, at the same time, as soon as it becomes clear Lance is right, they need to get out of there, Shiro reverses that call and agrees with him.

And Lance trusts Shiro. I think the clearest example of that is s2e8, where Lance is willing to pointedly disagree with Shiro to his face. That might not sound like respect, but it is- you have to remember Lance looked up to Commander Iverson, but didn’t really trust him, and this was exemplified in s1e1 by the fact that Lance had zero hesitations doing things behind Iverson’s back. If he disagreed with Iverson, he’d just work around him.

We have never seen Lance go behind Shiro’s back like that, and that, to me, is the nail in the coffin. Lance expects, and is used to getting, that if he has a genuine concern he can go to Shiro and bring it up and even if Shiro disagrees, he’ll at bare minimum lay out his reasons for doing so (as he did in s2e8). When Lance argues in s3e1 against Keith leading, he never once says “well, I disagree with Shiro’s call”- his rebuttal instead is “well, I never heard Shiro say that,” and when Black, Shiro’s Lion, corroborates the decision, Lance’s response is that even if he’s disappointed, that this is fair and he can trust that.

The one time Lance accuses the Black Lion of hating him- the closest I think he’s possibly come to suggesting he thinks Shiro resents him- he very clearly changes his mind seconds later to, again, “We should trust Black’s decision because he wouldn’t make it without a good reason.”

“The Black Lion hates all of us!” is petty venting, and deeper down, Lance trusts Black- just like he trusts Shiro if they might not always agree. I don’t think Lance still holds Shiro as a distant personal hero the way that he did at the beginning, but Shiro came off that pedestal to instead become Lance’s friend. That Lance doesn’t have stars in his eyes when it comes to Shiro any more is a testament to the fact that they’ve become closer, and Lance now has a better sense of the real Shiro.

So I think that’s about what it comes down to- Lance can get mad at Shiro, he might grumble at some of Shiro’s calls, but, ultimately, he trusts Shiro, and cares about him. Lance doesn’t dislike Shiro, and Shiro doesn’t dislike Lance. They definitely have room to be closer, and, given this picture by Lauren Montgomery:

I think that we have damning evidence they’re going to get closer if I’m correct in my theory about Lance having an arc about sexuality, that it’s going to be mostly Shiro supporting him through that.

Much the way Hunk was the main person trying to help Keith process the immediate ramifications of his revealed galra heritage, much like Allura’s immediate reaction to finding out Pidge was a girl was to try to connect with her (which, if there’s something to the theory that Pidge is a trans girl, it’s actually rather sweet of Allura to immediately hail her as a kindred spirit in that sense), Shiro is depicted with a fond hand on Lance’s shoulder and standing with him for support. Lance is a little uncertain, like Keith and Pidge, but he’s there, and he’s smiling.

The implication from the picture, if we indeed take it as foreshadowing, is that we’re due for an arc of Shiro being there for Lance in a period of introspection or self-exploration. And this is flat-out not the interaction of people who dislike each other. It’s very hard not to read this picture as Lance is drawing strength and confidence from Shiro’s presence, and Shiro is making an effort to be here for Lance.

Even if it’s not meant to be taken as foreshadowing, this is how one of the formative minds behind VLD views Shiro and Lance.

It’s also worth noting that Sven’s fate in s3e4 is mirroring the death of Shirogane in the original series, GoLion, and Sven’s hospitalization in DotU (which is an adaptation of the same event)

Both times, for a bit of context, the reason why Shirogane/Sven is trapped in single combat with Haggar is because Haggar’s target is originally Lance- (again, just like in s3e4 Sven takes the bullet to protect Lance). Haggar isolates Lance, attacks him, and traps him in a net, intending to kill him. Sven realizes Lance is missing, goes after him, cuts the net and tells him to run while he holds off Haggar.

That in s3e4, they remind us specifically of this event- Shirogane dying to save Lance’s life- suggest that while Shiro is almost definitely not gonna bite it, that connection between Shiro and Lance is important to the writers. They could’ve put in a lot of other DotU or GoLion homages in s3e4, but in an episode mostly original, it’s Sven, and his selfless sacrifice for Lance, that made it in.

[my-mystic-messenger]

RFA + Saeran + V and their MBTI personalities

uuuh this is a really interesting ask! Also, since you said RFA including Saeran I assume you want V as well?  For anyone who doesn’t know the test, you can take it here. As for those who don’t feel like taking it, a quick explanation of the letter mambo-jambo: I vs. E = Introvert vs. Extrovert S vs. N = Observant vs. Intuitive T vs. F = Thinking vs. Feeling J vs. P = Judging vs. Prospecting

Hope you enjoy! :3

Zen

ESFP – Entertainer “Spontaneous, energetic and enthusiastic people – life is never boring around them.”

I chose E for quite obvious reasons. Zen is outgoing, an over-sharer, his literal job is to present himself to he whole world and he loves the attention. He gets energy from being around people, whether that be in person or virtually. Zen might seem like an Intuitive person, especially considering his prophetic dreams being anything but pragmatic or down to earth. However, he’s not the one with the big idea’s, just big dreams. He enjoys experiences more than theories, prefers the living in present instead of thinking about the future. Sensitive, emotionally expressive and generally empathetic, Zen portrays the most important qualities of F. This might also explain his ‘prophetic dreams’. His feelings tend to rule over his brain, which makes him behave reckless and hot-headed at times.

Being an actor Zen is quite the prime example for P. He’s good at improvising and spotting opportunities – that being his job and all – as well as flexible, nonconformist (as we see from how his family wanted things to be) and generally more relaxed about things than a J would be.

Yoosung

ISFP – Adventurer “Flexible and charming [free spirits], always ready to explore and experience something new.”

While Yoosung can be outgoing I see him more as an I. Social interaction in real life seem to tire him out and despite going to College he makes no real life friends. He prefers gaming over social interaction, because it’s easier. 

Yoosung is quite the typical S. He is pragmatic – being a poor student you have to be – very down to earth and much more focused on what is happening in the moment instead of what might wait for him in the future. He’ll never going to have a grand plan, but he’s ready to act when he sees it necessary. Much like Zen Yoosung is very sensitive and emotionally expressive, although not quite as empathetic. On the other hand Yoosung is much less competitive instead being more mellow, a very F trait, and very interested in social harmony and cooperation.

Yoosung is a bit of a different P. His core P traits are his nonconformity as well as being very flexible and relaxed about anything future related. He isn’t particularly good at spotting opportunities per se, but he knows when to take them up if offered to him, like working for C&R.

Jaehee

ESFJ – Consul “Extraordinarily caring, social and popular people, always eager to help.”

Jaehee is one of those E’s that might seem like I’s at first but really aren’t. She always holds the opening speech of the RFA party as well as C&R, yearns for friends and a more active social life and is very openly enthusiastic about her interests. 

Jaehee is almost a personification of S. She is pragmatic, extremely practical, very down to earth and completely focused on the past and present. For every idea someone has, Jaehee knows how to deal with the facts, tools and concrete objects needed to make said idea reality. 

Once again Jaehee doesn’t seem to be a F, but upon looking deeper really is. She is the one who reads emotional cues the best and also the one who makes sure that social harmony and cooperation exist within the RFA. She is extremely empathetic and tries her best to take care of others feelings.

That Jaehee doesn’t like to be spontaneous is kind of a given, seeing how long it took her to make her dream of a cafe come true after rigorous planning. She is also highly organized and thorough in all her work and seeks clarity in all things.

Jumin

INTJ – The Architect “Imaginative and strategic thinkers, with a plan for everything.”

He is one of those I’s that are good at handling E-like tasks, like running a company, but at the end of the day prefer the quiet and calm of solidarity. They can socialize and frequently make themselves do so out of responsibility, but at the end of the day it drains them. A very typical N. He is very imaginative and open-minded as well as curious, always coming up with new ideas to improve C&R and take it to the new step. While he is also very much practically capable, Jumin is better at making the plans than going through with them himself.

Jumin represents the typical T. Objectivity and rationality are his most dominant traits. Logic will always be more important than feelings and he generally hides his own. Not to mention that efficiency is one of the most important things to him.

Once again, very representative of J. Jumin is decisive, managed to organize an entire business empire and is just as thorough in his work as Jaehee. He too needs clarity in all things and prefers things to be predictable, structured and perfectly planned at all costs.

Saeyoung/Seven

ENTP – Debater “Smart and curious thinkers who cannot resist an intellectual challenge.”

This one is almost as obvious as Zen’s. Saeyoung’s energetic and almost overly enthusiastic. He never shuts up no matter the situation and meeting new people is like getting a new toy for him. It also gives him energy and piques his curiosity.

Also a very typical N, although entirely different than Jumin. His being imaginative is more in the fantastic realm, always curious to learn the strangest and most absurd things and coming up with even crazier and bigger ideas like robots and similar. Always chasing a new thrill.

Despite being more emotionally open than Jumin, logic is still more important to Saeyoung in the great scheme of things. When not on 707-silly-mode he is capable of being highly objective and rational and his true feelings are hidden for the most part as well. He too prefers efficiency over teamwork.

Again, a different kind of P. Very nonconformist and relaxed even in the eye of danger. Hacking is basically a constant circle of improvising and spotting opportunities, which Saeyoung is good at, not only during his job but even in day to day conversation; a clever little liar.

Saeran

ISTJ – Executive “Excellent administrators, unsurpassed at managing things – or people.”

One of those I’s that enjoy social interaction, but in measures and also preferably with few, select people. At the end of the day solidarity means that he doesn’t have to rely on anyone which in return ensures never getting betrayed.

As we see in his relationship with Rika, he isn’t a plan maker. Saeran deals with the ideas thrown his way. He likes taking the simple but efficient route and prefers focusing on the tasks at hand instead of making some grand plans for his future, making him an obvious S.

While Saeran can have very emotional outbursts like Zen, those are mostly due to abuse and trauma. His first approach to things is generally very calculative and logical. His personal feelings might drive him, but don’t matter in the bigger picture, as he remains objective when given the truth.

Saeran’s T shows in a bit of a different way than Jaehee’s and Jumin’s. While he might not be as decisive or in desparet need of clarity and predictability, he too is extremely thorough and organized when given a task. When planning something, he does it to the T.

Jihyun/V

ENFP – Campaigner “Enthusiastic, creative and sociable free spirits, who can always find a reason to smile.”

A quiet E, so to say. He enjoys being with and around people immensely and knows how to draw them in. He chose to be a leader and he enjoys that role. Still, V doesn’t speak a lot, since he prefers letting his art speak for him, presenting part of himself to the world with every piece.

Jihyun is a dreamer type of N. He is the one who likes to dig deeper, enjoys finding the hidden meaning behind things and theorize all day. Even when making plans they are generally very present oriented. He is open-minded and curious, shown in his interest in both art and traveling.

Being an artist, Jihyun being sensitive as well as emotionally expressive is kind of a given. Just how empathetic, to the point of lunacy, he can be he proved with everything Rika related. He is constantly mediating and trying to create harmony and peace.

Him being nonconformist is shown in a similar way as it is with Zen, seeing how Jihyun choose a more unsteady work as an artist instead of doing what his father told him. He worked his way to the top by  spotting and taking opportunities and is a generally relaxed and flexible person, when allowed to be.

[amwritingmeta]

Ohh when the doc was going to drill Dean, Dean didn't do anything but seat and look. No attempts to move away or smth else. I mean, it seems like he really wanted to die.

Hello my lovely Nonny!! 

I am hard at work on some meta for you regarding this very topic, but let me throw this at you (it’s a gently toss) (I love playing catch) (please don’t hurl it back at me I bruise easily) (I also suck at catching things) (especially if they’re flying at my face) (I scream and flail) (and not the good kind) ;)

I actually don’t think he wants to die, I think he feels like he does, but he’s in the depression stage of his grief and so this feeling like he wants to die isn’t an actual want, it’s not a choice.

I also think Dean feeling like he wants to die stems entirely from him not seeing any reason to go on living. Wanting to die and seeing no reason to go on living have to very different connotations, because one means actively seeking out death while the other is passively accepting your fate.

I feel like Dean’s been ready to keep grinding since 13x03, but there’s no fight left in him, he doesn’t care (which is why Missouri is so forceful about him going to save her family - she needs him to actually care in order to ensure that he does his job properly), and we got the reason of this lack of ability to care textualized in his dialogue with Billie: Dean doesn’t think he matters, he doesn’t think what he does matters, ie. he’s lost his ability to have faith in the motto of “saving people, hunting things” that’s guided him through life, because he’s had his heart ripped out of his chest. 

Would he really welcome death? I don’t know. As depressed as he is, his first thought in Billie’s reading room is to say he’s got a house full of ghosts and a brother to get back to, right? So he does try to get back to Sam, back to finishing the job, back to carrying on with whatever there is to carry on with. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, sure, but it’s still there - because, I believe, deep down Dean knows he’s grieving and as beautiful as it is to think that you would actually rather die than be without the person you love, in reality we - as a species - have a tendency to carry on, and Dean - as a character - absolutely has the traits to, just as Sam did after the loss of Jess. 

What I mean is that this is not a tragedy and Dean’s endgame was never to lie down and die from a broken heart, it’s not who he is (as Sam tries to tell him after tempting him with beer and strip clubs and old habits to try and jolt some life into him), and deep down Dean knows this, he’s just so far gone into this depression stage of his grief that he’s unable to actually believe it, because what Dean knows is that even if the depression abates, the truth remains the same: this grief has changed him and he will never be able to forgive himself for all the years wasted, he will never be able to move on from Cas, there will be no more normal after watching the man he loves die.

And that’s scary as fuck. Because through this grief he’s gained perspective on himself, perspective he’s never actually had before. He knows what he wants. Without question. (at least I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t)

Now, when Billie lays the cards on the table, his request becomes for her to let the ghosts go, let them move on (because at least he can do that much even when there’s no moving on for him), based in his acceptance of the fact that with Billie in charge there can’t be any way out for him. He resigns himself to his fate, such as it is, because at the end of the day all he can really believe in is that his life is insignificant. This belief stems in the poison of depression and how it’s informing his attitude - just as the grief has been informing his attitude from the first frame of 13x01. *fucking beautiful*

As for the specifics of your ask: I think with the Doc, what Dean wanted wasn’t actually to die, it was rather to be lobotomised. 

Dean’s reaction to Sam telling him about how the Doc would lobotomise his victims looks like this:

And look at how Dean is chowing down on a HUGE plateful of bisexual bacon in this scene, hung over and indulging in his non-performing side, more or less in Sam’s face, and more significantly to me - though he’s kinda self-aware and glances around - he’s also indulging in his non-performing side in front of a room full of strangers (he needn’t glance around - everybody loves bacon!!): this is foreshadowing if I ever saw it, and also a narrative cue that there is many more layers to Dean’s depression and the regrets he’s dealing with than can be summarised by wanting to die. 

*aaaarrrgggghhhhh* *or should that be yeehaw?*

And then his meeting with the drill (sorry can’t add the gif) is filled with hesitation and a stare and making a face. It freaks him out, of course, but, nope, he doesn’t fight back. 

And yeah, to finish this reply off: I think it’s because he can’t see any other way out of the deep, deep depression anymore, missing Cas like he’ll lose his mind anyway so why not have it end with blissful forgetfulness? To me this is not a death wish, it’s a complete inability to see any meaning in anything anymore, especially in fighting against the inevitable. And the fact that Dean is so mentally and emotionally entrenched in missing Cas that this ^^^ is the state he’s actually reached (mirroring Cas when he said yes to Lucifer in S11) is so fucking romantic I can’t even. *big wet sloppy tears down my face*

Oh, another telltale sign to me that Dean’s depression hasn’t canceled out every ounce of his core character traits is his final query to Billie, finally giving us, in text, the fact that he believes there’s a chance Mary is still alive, that there is a chance to save her, which is why he wants Sam to keep the faith for the both of them: Dean wants to live, Dean wants to remember what it’s like to want to fight, to believe - but he just needs a damn win to enable him to recharge, to revive himself, to come out on the other side of this grief and carry on. Just some small sign to tell him that if he’s supposedly important, then his struggle is not for nothing, that he should burn and burn like the firewall that he is because he’ll be rewarded for it.

*slowest eyebrow raise*

Because, you know… phone call and Cas and Cas is the win and… yeah. These writers are the most romantic fuckers on the face of the planet, I swear to God.

I mean, Cas got himself out of the Empty, effectively ending his own depression, and is sent back to put an end to Dean’s depression, and Dean’s depression has mirrored Cas’ depression, and Cas has always been the root of Dean’s hope and faith and love and there would be carrying on for Dean Winchester, but no actual living without Cas. The fact that Dean isn’t just shutting himself down and giving up completely, the fact that Dean deep down wants to live, is the reason he gets Cas back. Because Dean deserves it. And Cas deserves it. They deserve this reunion because they’ve battled with the depression of being without one another and it’s time for the changes they’ve been through to manifest in the most positive light possible. I’m so fucking positive it will.

Slow and steady, most likely. Or balls out. Either way, their relationship will be subject to change. And fuck me I cannot wait for 13x06!! It’ll set the pace!

xx

PS. I didn’t make a “the doc drilling Dean” joke! I’ll save it for a rainy day. ;P

[madsciencestudent]

...So I have a slightly different take on the ‘Toffee is/was Star’s caretaker/guardian’ AU...

In which Toffee didn’t stray from canon in the past until the announcement of the birth of the royal princess Star Butterfly. While Toffee was still putting his plans together and keeping a low profile, other monsters are angry and are unable to just sit still. One of which was an old solider who served under Toffee and still had some contact with him. This monster decides to take a drastic measure with a few other allies; they break into the castle and steal the newborn princess.

Now the monster knows Toffee’s history and figures that he would want to be the one to spill royal blood and show the Mewnians that the monsters aren’t going to stand for this oppression anymore. But Toffee does have his own code of morals, and while he is fine with manipulating and even killing teenagers and older Mewnians, he does have an issue with butchering an infant because it’s barbaric and ‘-only Mewnians and their Royalty would do such a thing. And I refuse to sink to their level’.   But ‘That doesn’t mean I see the need to help them reclaim what they lost.’ And his decision does emotionally destroy the King and, more importantly, the Queen for a long time. Losing their daughter and finding a body or just having some form of closure would be one thing, they could eventually recover after dealing with their grief. But having her stolen and then vanish into thin air is another thing entirely. Because it allows room for hope to creep in and then they collapse into grief over and over again for years.

Meanwhile, Star is growing up under in the care of monsters, Toffee being the main caretaker and central ‘parental’ figure in her life. He is never once dishonest about what she is, who she is, and how she came to be in his care (he does stall a little on being completely straight forward until she’s old enough to start to fully understand, but he’s given her pretty explicit hints in the past. One of which was a story he told her about a Mewnian baby who was taken from her parents by angry monsters who wanted revenge, but found they couldn’t kill her because it would make them even worse than the hateful creatures they had stolen her from. Star figured out it was about her before she was eight). He even is honest when she does ask him hard questions such as ‘Are you just keeping me because you think I’m important?’ ‘That is part of it, yes.’ or ‘Do you care about me at all?’ ‘...It depends.’ But Toffee and the other monsters are not unkind to her (heck, most of them ADORE Star because her core personality is still the same and she has a magnetic affect on almost everyone she meets (including Toffee, by the by, but it’s so complicated for him that he mostly tries to keep her at an arm’s length away as much as he can. For example, for most of her childhood, she was only really allowed to call him by his name. Any other nickname or... say something like ‘dad’ really made him cringe so she stopped that pretty early on)), and Star loves and adores them all the same. Though she is careful to reign it on for those few who aren’t looking to get too close.

That’s not to say there aren’t some major differences between this Star and canon Star. This Star isn’t growing up as a privileged princess in a castle. While she’s never remembered going hungry, she has experienced certain time periods when she noticed Toffee (or another monster she was staying with) going without eating for a while so she could. She never really had a lot of excess; just necessities and maybe a few luxuries but not as much as a royal princess normally would. And she’s seen the deadly effects of unchecked bias and oppression firsthand; she’s watched friends and once even a ‘family member’ killed by the Mewnian guard or angry mob. But she can’t fully hate Mewnians either, since she has met some of the lower class who can’t stand the ruling family and how their society functions, and once they met Star they do start to change their minds about monsters as well. Because ‘what? this darling, sweet, thoughtful little girl is being raised by a cold-blooded lizard and she turned out like this? And she’s offering us what aid she can? Dang son! What else has the royal family been lying about?!’ As a result, she has friends on both sides, and has even unintentionally gotten a fair number of Mewnians on the monster side of the conflict.

She still knows how to fight very well by the time she is a teenager. After all, monsters have to fight for survival, and Toffee was a General. By the time she’s twelve, she even started sneaking out to go on raiding parties with some of her friends to steal food and other supplies for monster families. Granted, she never let’s anyone kill anybody when she goes along, but she could and would if she had to protect one of her friends. She also managed to pick up a few of Toffee’s traits as well. One being when she’s stressed or trying to get a read on someone, she takes on a neutral expression and sarcasm that’s so similar to his that people have sworn she had to actually be his daughter.

Eventually, by Star’s fourteenth birthday, Toffee has taken her aside and explained enough about what he’s planning and that under ordinary circumstances she would have been given the one major threat to monsters that she, of course, gets a totally reckless and dangerous idea. After gathering as much information as she can, and has the patience to collect, she breaks into the castle and steals the wand. It, of course, magically changes into the first form we see in the show (again, reflecting Star’s core personality which isn’t too changed), and she unfortunately alerts the guards to her presence. She does manage to escape, but has the entire royal guard right on her heels. Toffee by this time has realized what Star has run off to do, and is coming after her when they meet back up. They don’t get a chance to recover however, as pretty much the entire army is on them immediately. The conflict does not go well, and Toffee is actually ‘seriously’ hurt fairly quickly. Star sees this and when she does, she shows her talent for magic by actually blasting most of the guard off of them, and giving them a moment to escape. She quickly steals a pair of dimensional scissors one of the guards had on him, cuts open a random portal to who knows where, and grabs Toffee. She yanks him through it, and snaps it shut behind her before anyone fully realized what happened.

Star and Toffee ended up on Earth, in front of a convenience store at night. It’s pretty deserted, so Toffee at least isn’t that worried yet. But Star is just about hysterical; crying and apologizing over and over that he got hurt because of what she did and how she was just trying to help and oh no he just looked so bad. Star’s so upset, that she slips up and is referring to Toffee as ‘Dad’ the entire time. Toffee meanwhile, is mostly just trying to get Star to calm down because honestly her being in hysterics isn’t helping them at all. Suddenly, they’re interrupted by a man, woman, and their son. The two adults are slightly confused but very concerned at the sight of a girl the same age as their son crying and apologizing to what seems to be her ‘father’ who looks very badly injured, and asking if they need help. Their son just looks horrified because ‘WHY IS THERE A WARRIOR PRINCESS AND A LIZARD MAN HERE?!’ Star is still high stung and jumps up, pointing the wand at them, but Toffee stops her. He reminds her ‘it’s rude to attack someone offering you aid’, and does admit they need help. Especially since he does have quite a few injuries and regeneration is taking a bit longer than usual, and they have no idea where they are.

So the humans- whose names they learn are Diaz- take the pair back to their place. Toffee manages to explain things to them in a diplomatic way as not to alarm them, and that he and Star need some time to regroup and figure out what to do. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz (of course) insist that they stay with them, at least for the night. Their son isn’t as thrilled as the idea as they are, but when Star comes downstairs a little while later after making sure Toffee is okay getting to the guest room and finally dozes off and apologizes for targeting them earlier since she was scared and didn’t know what was going on and for causing them so much trouble, he does start to loosen up some. It’s eventually decided that Toffee and Star are staying right there (whether or not Toffee got any input into that decision is never discovered) for as long as necessary. (The house obviously doesn’t have the tower sticking out of it, since Star wasn’t raised as a princess and having a plain bedroom suits her just fine.)

From there the AU follows the first half of season one pretty closely, with Star going to school and learning about Earth and her new friend Marco. She is kinda interested in learning magic and about the wand as well, since while she knows what Toffee’s plan is, she thinks that it should be used to go against the royal family and making change that way before destroying magic completely.

Anything after that I still have to think about, but yeah.

(P.S. I am naming this AU ‘The True Rebel Princess’ because I could see Star totally leading a rebellion against the Mewni royalty and upper classes down the line.)

[purplebowties]

Chuck Bass Analysis

A few weeks ago, I got the chance to read an article about shame-based personalities that immediately made me think about Chuck and I decided to take the time to write an essay about it. I’ll be using lines from the article to write this dissertation, which means it’s only right to credit it. You can find it here. The blog has many fascinating psychology articles; if you’re interested in the subject you should definitely follow it.

As the article I’m referring to explains, blaming and shaming a person are two different things. While blaming someone implies recognizing a fault in the person’s behavior, shaming someone isn’t about guilt or responsibility; it doesn’t require the person to do something that the accuser interprets as a mistake. Instead, shaming means affirming there’s something wrong with the person accused; in other words, the fault doesn’t lie in the person’s actions, but rather in their personality.

Before I begin exposing my thoughts regarding how and why Chuck’s personality was built through a dysfunctional shaming process, it must be said that both the aspects I’ve mentioned – blame and shame – played a role in his life.

For most of his life, Chuck has lived with a shattering sense of guilt coming from the conviction he had killed his mother by coming to life. I tend to think Bart has never really put into words this accusation, but it is sure that, as a child and later on as a teenager, Chuck read this through the lines of his father’s detachment. Consciously and not, Chuck learnt to consider himself responsible for his mother’s death, because the explanation he gave himself helped him to give a meaning to the emotional and psychological abuse he was subjected to.  

That being said, the guilt he took is a “blameless” one; in fact, it might be more accurately described as an original sin, a visceral, ancestral fault that has nothing to do with responsibility (even if Elisabeth had actually died giving birth, the baby wouldn’t have been guilty of her destiny). 

This irrational, inconsistent and implicit accusation suggests that there’s something terribly and irremediably flawed in Chuck, it somehow hints to the fact that his role in the world is to destroy – and metaphorically, to kill (“He hated me. It makes sense if his beloved wife died giving birth to me. Sometimes I swear he thinks I killed her” Chuck, from 2X05)

It is likely that, in truth, Bart blamed Chuck for the simple fact that he was Elizabeth’s son – the woman who had cheated on him and eventually left him to raise a child he probably didn’t even want. In Bart’s mind, having her as a mother was enough to make him a worthless and inadequate person – and irreversibly. This “definitive verdict” is indeed expressed through the story he told Chuck: not only Elizabeth “died”, but she was also “killed” by her own son. It’s a vision that allowed Bart to hate them both and set Chuck for being an eternal disappointment to his eyes.

It is definitely a form of shaming.  The article mentions a few examples of shaming statements, which sound very similar to many things Bart told his son all the way through the series:

• “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you.” || “No matter how I’ve tried to turn you into a man, it still remains the one, big failure of my life” (6X09)

• “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.” || “Nice gesture, but misguided as usual” (2X10), “I haven’t seen anything in the last year that suggests you have what it takes. If anything, you’ve been a disappointment” (3X12)

• “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone” || “Bart thought it would be better if the family bonded without me for a while” (1X14), “Letting people down is your forte” (2X10), “Every time I think we’re making progress, you show your true colors” (2X12).

 According to the article, adults shamed in childhood have some traits that I recognized in Chuck as well. I’ll mention each of them and try to see how they showed in his behavior. 

1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.

This first trait is pretty obvious in Chuck’s characterization. However, truth to be told, his difficulty in sharing his thoughts and feelings is only the tip of the iceberg.

Chuck is indeed emotionally crippled. He doesn’t simply have issues when it comes to conveying his feelings; his problems start with his inability to recognize them and then accept them. Season 1 is all about it; Chuck can’t give a name to what he feels for Blair (“I feel sick, like there’s something in my stomach…fluttering”) and when she hurts him, he can’t metabolize the pain he feels and ends up hurting her as well in a way that is absolutely childish – an act of spite.

This is obviously the outcome of an education intended to make him think of feelings as weaknesses. Chuck grew up with the idea that detachment meant strength, while displaying emotions – or even having emotions – was a synonym of vulnerability. And vulnerability was the ultimate fault, the one thing Bart could have never accepted.  

Episode 3X12 (but, in general, season 3) is pretty enlightening in this sense, because it gives us an accurate idea of how Chuck has always interpreted his father’s behavior and words – and, as we’ll find out later on, his view of Bart was sadly truthful.

The Bart Chuck sees condemns his love for Blair (“You opened your heart to Blair and that made you weak”), for it makes him immature and unsuitable for being the businessman he is expected to become. The image of Bart tells Chuck he doesn’t have “what it takes”. This conviction Chuck can’t let go of is so weighty and so deeply rooted that it will be one of the reasons that will lead him to betray Blair in order to save The Empire – “I did what I had to to win. I couldn’t let my feelings cost me all that I’ve built” (3X17).

As I said, Chuck’s perception of his father was exact. In episode 5X24 it becomes clear that he judges his son’s love for Blair and in general his feelings as a demonstration of his irresponsibility other than what keeps him from being a “great man” and from “growing up”.

It’s only logical to assume that Bart’s reiterated insistence to urge Chuck to repress his emotions and, overall, his disdain for the mere existence of those feelings and the consequential shaming, led Chuck to try to suppress them as much as he could.

The constant repression is something I’ll talk about later in the essay while analyzing other traits. Though, it is important to underline the fact that Chuck tends to keep his emotions under control through a rigid process of suppression, until he can’t contain them anymore. This implies that when he finds himself unable to shut down his feelings, they tend to blow up in a devastating way – for himself and for those close to him.

It’s something that, with time, Chuck definitely learnt to handle better. It was indeed one of the crucial points of his growth; he still tends to diminish his feelings, but he manages to cope with them in a healthier way. By the end of the series, for example, he is able to accept Blair’s support and to contain the shame he feels towards his weaknesses; it doesn’t happen right away and it takes patience from her and also the special delicacy she reserves him, but eventually he lets her in fully (check this scene from episode 6X08).

However, Blair remains one of his few exceptions. He is only able to show his vulnerability to a very restricted group of people who he is able to trust. Outside his “circle of trust”, he is still an especially cold and detached person – and I assume a pretty ruthless business man too.

2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear  commitment as they expect to be rejected. “You couldn’t handle feelings,” Blair tells Chuck in episode 3X12, giving us, as usual, the most precise insight on him and his difficulties dealing with emotions. Nevertheless, she comforts him, reminding him that he’s “not like that anymore” and that he’s “becoming a man in a way that his father never was”.

It is absolutely true. In spite of his fear of weaknesses, Chuck has feelings; he cares, loves and is exposed to deep emotions. He is, though, used to block them, out of shame and fear; fear of vulnerability, but also fear of the feelings themselves, of their meaning and their consequences.

The basic consequence of caring is the construction of a bond with another person, with all the risks that come with it – dependence, pain, abandon. Accepting to have feelings for someone means accepting the possibility of rejection and rejection is, to Chuck, absolutely terrifying. One of the most insightful quotes that explicates it is from episode 2X01. Trying to explain Blair why he didn’t spend the summer with her and abandoned her, he says: “I was scared you’d see…me.”

Here lies the core of Chuck’s personality: the conviction that no one could love him for who he is, for he is impossible to love and also impossible to “fix”. He is irremediably broken, a destined to disappoint.

The article I’m referring to also mentions that people with shame based personalities struggle with feeling of worthlessness and often feel ugly and flawed. In Chuck’s case, this is the consequence of a growth and an existence that has always been marked by rejection. “Unfortunately, all I know if what he didn’t want,” he says, talking about his father, “which is me”.

Chuck’s deep self-esteem issues have their origin in the way he’s been shamed and neglected all the way through his childhood. As a result, he is honestly convinced of his inadequateness and of its invariability. The lack of value he sees in himself is deeply characterizing; it guides, sometimes subtly and sometimes blatantly, most of his actions and decisions. For example, he was incapable of waiting for Blair on the top of the Empire State Building because he expected her not to come, since he didn’t think he deserved her arrival. I don’t want to discuss whether his thoughts were valid or not; it’s simply not the topic of this essay. What I’m trying to point at is that it was tragically easy for Chuck to believe that she didn’t love him anymore.

Inevitably, starting from these presuppositions, commitment and especially intimacy become incredibly scary to Chuck. It’s not the dedication and the faithfulness they require that scares him; Chuck is, indeed, a profoundly devoted and loyal person (he values family, he has never cheated, he gives importance to long lasting friendships). Instead, his fright has its origin in the changeable nature of relationships: they’re hazards, they bring with them the possibility of being abandoned.

Only that, to Chuck, abandon isn’t a mere possibility, it is almost a certainness. Trusting that people he loves won’t leave him is incredibly hard to him, since abandon has been a constant in his life. He expects to be abandoned – and, according to him, rightfully so. People who leave him are justified by his worthlessness and their decision to give up on him is only logical.

This partially explains why he is so forgiving; recognizing people’s faults and responsibilities is almost superfluous to him, since, in some ways, he fundamentally thinks he deserves to be hurt. In this sense, it is important to mention how Chuck never really stopped justifying Elizabeth’s behavior; by the end of season 6, in spite of all the pain she caused him, he still hadn’t completely given up on contacting her (5X19), he still had her picture in his room and the combination to his strongbox was still her birthday’s date.

In some ways, this is also connected to the lack of love and affection that sadly marked his growth; he craves to be loved so much and, at the same time, he expects so little from those who are supposed to love him that he’s willing to take whatever he can get from them and to excuse even the most horrible betrayals (see how he allowed Jack to come back into his life). Every bit of care and respect look almost miraculous to him.

As the article explains, another fundamental trait in shame-based personalities is a debilitating false guilt. As I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, guilt plays a central role in Chuck’s life. Though he isn’t shy and definitely doesn’t pay attention to people’s judgement, he does tend to feel responsible even when he’s not. Similarly to what happens with his tendency to forgive, Chuck also expects to be accused and accepts the way people blame him, even when he has no faults.

This ingrained sense of guilt, which clearly has its roots in the childhood and the teenage years spent living with the thought of having caused his mother’s death, leads to the conviction of being unable to make the woman he loves happy. Each time he lest Blair go, he does it because he is genuinely persuaded that he’ll end up ruining their relationship and making her miserable; he keeps giving up on her to give her the chance to be with a better man, a less troubled, lighter person.

3.  They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.

Both aspects of this trait show through Chuck’s behavior, since, as it often happens, his actions and his perception of himself tend to be extremely polarized and sometimes even contradictory – he goes to extremes.

He builds and invincible persona, “Chuck Bass”, who is powerful, indifferent, perfectly controlled; Chuck Bass is the façade he presents to the world, it’s his vanity, his mania of grandeur, it’s the self-satisfaction he feels when he’s called infamous, it’s his egocentrism and his arrogance. It shows through his eclectic style, through the self-celebratory way he conducts his business (his hotel is “The Empire” and it’s permeated with his notorious reputation), through the way he indulges the sort of legend created around his name. He enjoys his fame, his influence and he’s power hungry. Though somewhat more superficial, none of these aspects are pretended; Chuck can actually be self-centered, self-important, he can be haughty, cold and unscrupulous.

Yet, at the same time, he is incredibly fragile and he is often incapable of recognizing his value. Sometimes, actually, his selflessness is so extreme that he becomes quite literally “self – less”, meaning that he reaches such a worrying level of self-loathe that he ends up neglecting himself; his needs, his ambitions, his desires, even his entire personality (the beginning of season four is the most blatant example of this dysfunctionality, but part of this behavior is also recognizable through season five). He is haunted by the thought people would be happier if he was out of their lives.

4. They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them). This trait is noticeable and inevitably linked with the ones previously mentioned. Reluctant to share his feelings and scared of building meaningful bonds with people, Chuck is profoundly reserved. Though he enjoys an active social life (parties, galas, ecc) and he is capable of being sociable (he is, among other things, also a hotel and clubs owner, so it is necessary), he still doesn’t let people get too close; he constantly maintains a distance between himself and the world and he often prefers spending time alone.

It must be underlined that Chuck is an especially selective person. Since trusting people comes so difficult to him, he tends to maintain a few but very solid relationships. As I’ve already mentioned, he defines a circle of trust – one that is terribly difficult to enter and, at the same time, almost impossible to exit.

Making a quick analysis of his relationships, it’s clear how discriminating and at the same time how devoted he is: Blair isn’t simply the only woman he’s ever loved, she’s also the only one he considered building a life with; Nate has been his best friend since they were five and Chuck has never showed the need to create the same kind of bond with anyone else; once he let Lily in, he never stepped back and was actively part of her family – he’s never stopped treating Serena and Eric as his siblings.

That being said, even with his most trusted people, Chuck is still hesitant when it comes to letting his guard down and allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of them. Even Blair, who is definitely the person he trusts the most, occasionally can’t reach him; she has to find a way to connect with him – sometimes she uses sex to get in touch with his blocked emotions.

As a result, Chuck has an inclination to isolate himself, since he considers his feelings incomprehensible and unacceptable; to his eyes, they’re too dark and too horrible. This idea leads him to the conviction that he shouldn’t share them and that he should deal with them alone. Aware of this belief, both Lily and Blair, actually, felt the need to remind him that they wouldn’t have left even in front of his worst moments (“The worst thing you’ve ever done, the darkest thought you’ve ever had, I will stand by you through anything” – Blair, from 2X13, “No matter how ugly and dark your feelings may be, you shouldn’t have to bear them alone. My love for you is unconditional” – Lily, from 5X10).

5. They are often defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.

This trait mainly comes out through Chuck’s attitude towards business and work. He is extremely exigent with himself and incapable of considering failure as a sometimes inevitable part of life. He’s a perfectionist and has Stakhanovism problem. Being driven by an ambition that isn’t completely healthy, Chuck expects the best from himself and has a tendency to push himself too hard to reach his goals. The first few episodes of season 3 are a good example of this behavior. In episode 3X02 Chuck tells Serena: “My father turned his first profit by the time he was 22. I hope to do it by the time I’m 21.”

The fact that Bart is Chuck’s basis for comparison is a crucial element to analyze how this personality trait presents itself. His need to thrive and his greed for success partially have their origin in his fear to disappoint his father. Even after Bart’s “death”, Chuck kept trying to please him through his dedication to business; he was constantly trying to live up to the expectations Bart had.

Driven by his tendency to forgive and by his desperate need to justify his father’s faults, Chuck built, over the years, some sort of idealized image of Bart: the perfect business man, the person he was supposed to become but couldn’t – because of his weakness. And when, by the end of season four, this twisted view of Bart shattered, Chuck found himself having to survive a deep existential crisis. “Everything I believed about my father,” he says in episode 4X20, “everything I thought I wanted to be, what I needed to be for him, it was all based on lies.”

The article also describes people with a shame based personalities as adults who tend to feel judged and controlled. It is important to say that, being a libertine, Chuck generally ignores people’s judgement when it comes to his morality, to his way of living and to his values. This careless attitude, though, has a few essential exceptions.

The first exceptions are Blair and Lily. Chuck truly values their judgements and not only when they’re positive. Since he respects them and feels supported and understood by them, he’s willing to accept even their criticisms. Their opinions and advice have a positive effect on him and they generally manage to encourage him and make him feel better about himself – or, at least, to question his actions. The key of his trust and respect for them lies in the way he knows that behind their words there are acceptance and care. Their loyalty and their affection isn’t necessarily linked with his actions – they would always forgive him and love him for who he is rather than for what he does.

Bart, however, represents a negative exception. His judgement, whether actual or simply imagined by Chuck, influences Chuck’s behavior through fear of rejection

In some ways, for a long time, Chuck lived with the perpetual feeling of being tested by this unreachable man he had to satisfy (“It’s like he’s setting me up to fail from beyond the grave” Chuck, 2X15). In other words, Chuck turned his successes into a mean to finally conquer his father’s love and acceptance and his failures into confirmations that he didn’t deserve his father’s approval and affection. In both cases, affection – or lack of it – is linked to an action; Chuck’s personality, indeed, remains intolerable for Bart.  

6.  They tend to block their feeling through compulsive behaviors

I will start by stating, just to be clear, that Chuck isn’t an addict. As I said, everything in Chuck’s life is subjected to a rigid repression; and it definitely includes his use of drugs and his drinking. Under normal circumstances, even though he is a drinker and an occasional drug user, Chuck keeps his vices controlled.

That being said, it is true that, during moments of profound crisis, we saw him losing control and showing compulsive behaviors intended to keep him from feeling a pain he couldn’t handle. It especially happens when Chuck has to deal with loss – since he can’t elaborate it, he suppresses his emotions however he can (abusing alcohol and drugs, meaningless sex, ecc). At the beginning of season five, the repressed pain of losing Blair causes him to detach from his emotions in such a deep way that he becomes unable to feel anything – even physically. 

It also must be mentioned that, for a long time, Chuck has had almost no respect for his life. Though the only time he was actually suicidal was after Bart’s “death” (2X14), he still showed till season five a dangerous carelessness with his health and with the value of his existence. He was often reckless and irresponsible; to use his own words from 3X22, he “didn’t care if he lived or died”.

His attitude towards sex, though, is probably the clearest example of a compulsive behavior implemented to suffocate feelings.

There’s no shame in sex and it’s not my intention to judge anyone’s sex life as right or wrong. Chuck was a precocious boy; he had his first sexual experience at the age of eleven, he is a very sexual, passionate person and eroticism certainly has an important role in his life. He enjoys sex and he’s completely open-minded about any kind of practices in this area.

However, it’s undeniable that he also uses sex to kill the pain. Generally, to Chuck, sex and intimacy don’t coincide. He doesn’t establish a connection with his sexual partners; he never sees them again after (in 2X21, he mentions he only has sex with people once) and sometimes entertains himself with escorts – the less emotionally demanding way to have sex ends up being paying for it. While sex (even random one) is usually an engaging experience, to Chuck sometimes it is a mere mechanical act that has the only purpose to numb sufferance and anxiety.

Blair, of course, is an exception. She was the first person with whom he managed to build a true connection, to the point that sex became fundamental in their relationship. With her, he reaches a complete emotional involvement; he concedes himself to her fully, he’s generous, trusting and attentive. It is interesting to notice, as I’ve already mentioned, that when Chuck is emotionally blocked, Blair consciously uses sex to reach out to him, for she knows that a physical connection with her will also lead to an emotive one (for example, she seduces him to bring him to say “I love you” in 2X25 and in 3X14 she has sex with him before he manages to talk to her about his mother).

7. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others.

Considering everything I’ve explained, it is understandable why building healthy relationships for Chuck is hard – and why he had to work so hard on himself in order to handle them better. I think it’s safe to admit, at least from my point of view, that his relationships will never be completely “healthy” (although this is a pretty relative concept), for the simple fact that he is, logically, a profoundly and somewhat irreparably damaged person.

That being said, over time and thanks to a long and hard journey, Chuck learnt to cope with his daemons and to make his relationships work in a less dysfunctional way; he learnt that he doesn’t own the ones who he loves, that trust is fundamental for a bond to be unbreakable, that relationships work through compensation and ability to compromise and, eventually, that allowing the people he chose to spend his life with to see his weakest, most vulnerable sides doesn’t mean failing; it means accepting their love and their support and allowing them to make him stronger.

Above all, trusting people represented the biggest problem to Chuck and his inability to do so was often the main reason behind the crisis of his relationships. Having been tested his whole life by his father (it is my opinion, for example that Bart left him the responsibility of Bass Industries when he faked his death with the intention to see if he was capable), Chuck used to assume that testing his loved ones’ loyalty was the only way he had to be sure of their affection. It’s a behavior that often puts him in a lose/lose situation. What happens in 3X17 is probably the most exhaustive example.

Betrayed by his mother, Chuck tests Blair’s love and devotion in a way that sets him up for losing her: if Blair accepts to have sex with Jack, she gives him a proof of her love, but she betrays his trust; if she doesn’t accept, then her love isn’t what he expected it to be. Either ways, he’ll be destroyed.

His difficulty to trust people is also what brings him to be so jealous and to expect from others the same exclusivity he gives to relationships. In his friendship with Nate, for example, he doesn’t tolerate other people’s intrusions; Nate’s need to have a wider circle of friendships almost feels like a betrayal to Chuck, since his fear of abandon leads him to think those who love him will find someone better than him and realize he’s worthless.

His insecurity tends to make him suspicious and his inability to communicate his feelings and his needs leads him to manipulate people around him to keep them from leaving him.

In conclusion, I think Chuck shows all the traits of a shame based personality. Personality is, according to my view, an only marginally changeable element; consequentially, it is my opinion that the dysfunctionalities coming from the structure of personality Chuck presents still belong to his life and inevitably play a role in it. However, a journey of growth and evolution taught him to live with it in a healthier way, one that allowed such a damaged and emotionally deficient person to build a happy life for himself and for his family.