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sensoryseekinganakin · 2 years ago

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I took the RAADS-R Autism Assessment as Anakin, basing my answers to each question on textual evidence from Clone Wars Gambit, Jedi Quest, Rogue Planet, and the Star Wars prequel trilogy, as well as what I have read of the RotS novelization and Labyrinth of Evil.

Please keep in mind that my interpretations of the scenes I used as evidence are probably affected by my own personal biases and the fact that I have autism too, so I’m not claiming that any of this is how the stories/dialogue were meant to be interpreted. It’s just for fun! In fact, if anyone interpreted these things differently I would love to know!

Anakin’s results:

Total score: 188 Language: 17 Social relatedness: 83 Sensory/motor: 51 Circumscribed interests: 37

Language

I based my interpretation of Anakin’s language almost entirely on his speech patterns in the prequel trilogy. Anakin’s tone and cadence are uneven unless he’s repeating back something someone else has said. He often has trouble controlling his volume or the speed of his talking. In Rogue Planet, Obi-Wan thinks "Anakin could become both expressive and imitative whenever he felt excited or ill at ease."

His manner of communicating is up-front and honest, even when others don’t want to hear it. In the beginning of Attack of the Clones, he makes Padmé uncomfortable with his advances and does not notice until she comments on it. When she makes it clear that she is uncomfortable, he still wants to understand why.

Social relatedness

Anakin has the ability to work well in groups when he is in control, but ultimately, he is an outsider aside from a few special people. Even then, his interest in the people who he chooses to spend his time with is specific and possessive. In the beginning of Jedi Quest, Obi-Wan worries that fourteen year old Anakin has no friends. He has trouble relating to others his age at the temple. Obi-Wan spends the rest of the series worrying about the ways Anakin interacts with the friends he makes and ultimately loses.

Anakin’s concept of relationships is self-serving and one sided. He pined for Padmé for ten years without seeing her, obsessed with a concept of her in his mind that he formed when he was nine years old. He sees himself in others, but has trouble relating to how they feel unless he can put their feelings into his own perspective. In Rogue Planet, he has several moments of extreme empathy for both Ke Daiv and Sekot when he realizes that their experiences have been similar to his. Even if their similarities aren’t exact, when he’s able to project his own trauma onto theirs he’s able to relate to them and interact with them more easily.

Sensory/motor

Anakin has excellent fine motor skills, shown by his mastery of mechanics. Both his motor skills and sensory perceptions are intensified by his connection to the Force.

“Is it possible you see nothing more than the tensions of approaching adulthood?” Mace asked. “No!” Anakin cried. “I see… too much, too much.” “Too much what?” “I burn like a sun inside!” The boy’s voice rang out in the chamber like a bell.

Particularly in Clone Wars Gambit and Rogue Planet, Anakin is thrown off and frustrated when his surroundings are too loud and too bright if they’re outside of a controlled environment that he enjoys. He is easily overwhelmed, but in battle, especially in a ship, he’s able to zero in his focus on the aspects of the scenario that he enjoys to overcome it.

He frequently exhibits stimming (the repetitive performance of certain physical movements or vocalizations, as a form of behavior by persons with autism or other neurodevelopmental conditions) behaviors. Throughout Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith he can be seen picking objects up to turn over in his hands, tinkering with electronics, and rocking when sitting and standing in situations that are distressing to him.

He’s described stimming in Rogue Planet as he’s taking in the sights and sounds of the new environment around him, often holding his hands out in front of himself and turning them over.

He gave a small shiver, then he, also, rubbed his palms on his tunic, held them out, and looked around.

One of Anakin’s most iconic and most heavily criticized lines in Attack of the Clones is his description of how he understands the world through sensory details: “I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.”

Circumscribed interests

Anakin has intense defined interests in mechanics, often stating that he relates to machines and understands them better than he does with other people. In Clone Wars Gambit: Siege, he uses his special knowledge and connection to machines to rework a storm shield into one that can keep out battle droids. As early as nine years old, in The Phantom Menace, he was already building a podracer of his own, and by age twelve in Rogue Planet he still had that knack for machines and racing, which he used to modify a pair of racing wings to participate in a garbage pit race. In Attack of the Clones, after the death of his mother, he immediately goes back to working with machines to cope. When Padmé tries to talk to him he gets upset and sidetracks back to that interest.

“I brought you something. Are you hungry?” "The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you’re fixing things. I’m good at fixing things. Always was. But I couldn’t… Why’d she have to die? Why couldn’t I save her? I know I could have!”

His interests are zeroed in, and when he wants to talk about them, he has trouble sensing that others don’t want to hear it.

Obi-Wan let these words sit between them for some seconds before asking, blandly enough, “What does the ship mean to you?” “A ship that tunes itself to a need for speed... Wow!” Anakin said. “For me, that would be the perfect friend.” “That’s what I thought,” Obi-Wan said.

When he’s fixated on one point, it’s hard for him to see the bigger picture, no matter how many times those round him try to remind him of it. This is a trait that follows him throughout the entirety of his life.

Total score

With a total score of 188, Anakin falls between "very strong evidence for autism" and the maximum possible score an autistic person can quire on the RAADS-R scale. For comparison, the mean score of autistic people is 130, and the minimum score at which autism is considered is 65. At 90, autism is considered highly likely. I also took the assessment with Obi-Wan in mind, drawing from the same sources as well as Jedi Apprentice, and scored 74, with the most focus in his results being in circumscribed interests and social relatedness.

So many traits that Anakin’s character is criticized for are autistic traits, whether his writers made him that way intentionally or not. I think Hayden Christensen’s portrayal of him was genius and so heartfelt when viewed through this lens. Even when it isn’t being called autism, it’s clear when people recognize a collection of autism traits and characterize a character based on their perception of those traits. Anakin is an amazing case of unintentional autism representation, and the hatred and biases people have toward his character are often based on his autistic traits.

#autistic anakin skywalker #sorry i know no normal person would write this much about this i just got very fixated #and i wanted to share!!!!#maybe sometime i can go over obi wans results too #autism anakin

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flyiingsly · 1 year ago

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The Banquet

Square : Rations

Pairing : Kix x gn!jedi!reader

Warnings : Alcohol, reader being a bit drunk, slight mention of death, war and injuries, fluff and kitchen shenanigans, nothing comestible was harmed during the writing of this fic

Wordcount : 3,5K

Summary : You and Kix team up to prepare a meal for the rest of the 501st, but despite being used to cook together, this time might end a little differently.

A/N : My seventh commission for the @clonexreaderbingo ! This one is packed with real life cooking struggles, and it was fun as hell to write about honestly 😄 (Don't worry, I'm not getting drunk every time I'm cooking !)

For those who are familiar with it, you’ll probably notice that the main course here is inspired by the Pasta Alla Vodka’s recipe, it’s a simple dish but one of my favorite comfort food ever ! If you don’t know it yet, go check it, it’s really worth a try ! 😋

Disclaimer : I'm still struggling to understand English grammar properly, English is not my native language and even if I have proofread my writtings several times, there is probably still typos in it. I'm very self conscious about it and I apologize for it in advance, but I'm doing my best to do better and I'm actively working at improving my writting skills !

So if you spot a typo, feel free to point it to me so I can correct it, it will be much appreciated :)

It was a tradition every time the 501st was returning from a mission, especially the long ones : cooking a real meal. After days of only eating ration bars, it was a much-needed comfort that every member of the battalion dearly waited for and appreciated, a reward for both the body and the mind, and a perfect occasion to spend some time off together. It was a clone thing at first, but you, Anakin and Ahsoka grew so close to your men that you were now part of it as well, even Obi-Wan ended up being invited a few times.

The rules were simple : you must team up two by two, and each duo had to pick a main course and a dessert recipe. In this way, the whole meal was much more looking like a big banquet were everyone could pick up a bit of the recipes they wanted to try. Those events were true feasts that lasted a large part of the night and often ended at the 79’.

At first, the meals were prepared at the GAR kitchen when the days off appeared to be spent on Coruscant, and it was a very regular occurrence. But the battalion eventually had the chance to get a very special authorization to use some of the Senate’s kitchens for that particular purpose, thanks to Senator Amidala.

It all started at a joke between Rex and Anakin, but then it turned out that the General made it happens for real, much to the surprise of his Captain. And to be honest, there were a LOT of kitchens in that Senate Building, which allowed each team to have their private little space to cook their meals. Since then, it became a thing to keep the recipes a secret until they got served.

You absolutely loved that tradition. You loved to spend time with the clones outside of the battlefield, far away from the violence of the war, and far away from the grief of losing brothers. It nearly felt like all of you were just normal people enjoying good times with your closest friends. It almost felt like you weren’t soldiers anymore and finally able to live and enjoy the real life for some times, just like if the whole world around you wasn’t at war for a moment. You liked that feeling.

You had already paired up with a couple of troopers before, even with Anakin once. It was messy as hell and he nearly set the oven on fire (even cooking with Hardcase was more peaceful), but it was a funny experience, and you definitely had to give it a try.

But most of the time, you ended up pairing with Kix. Both of you loved to cook and were very good at it. You were also very close to each other. In fact, he was the closest from you, even if you were very familiar with every one of your men, Kix was an exception above the others. You always had special healing abilities, so those and the fact that he was the medic of the company led the two of you to work together on most missions. You helped him numerous of times healing soldiers, and he taught you a lot of medical knowledge in return.

You had to face the worst injuries, the death of brothers, and the carnage of the war upon the civilians together. You had saved people together, helped people together, seen people heal together, seen people perish together. And most of all, you had seen each other cry and have mental breakdowns multiple times.

Not being able to save a life and having to face death powerlessly were traumatic events you had both endured side by side, supporting and comforting each other unfailingly. It was hard to go through every time, but it had built a profound and solid bound between the two of you that you couldn’t have formed with anybody else. It was something special and precious.

The choice of your main recipe came from a joke at first. On the flight taking you back to Coruscant, Hardcase told everyone that he’ll gave everything right now to have “a huge bowl of pasta and a glass of spotchka”. To which Fives answered that “there must be a recipe combining both pastas and spotchka existing somewhere in the galaxy”. Little do they knew that, of course, such a recipe indeed existed : the famous Pasta Alla Spotchka. It was a dish you were really fond of that you discovered on one of your previous missions, and even if you couldn’t remember exactly from when it was originated, you had been able to find its recipe and make some a few times already.

You had smiled at the thought, but decided to keep for yourself, only letting out a brief “probably, yes”. Kix immediately noticed your grin, knowing perfectly that it meant that you were up to something. That’s how you submitted him the idea right upon exiting the ship, and he enthusiastically agreed with it. You both couldn’t wait to see Hardcase’s face when he’ll found out !

For the dessert, you decided to keep it simple. There was a chocolate cookies recipe that you were used to do and had already shared with the boys on various occasions. It had become your signature cookies recipe over time, and most of them agreed on the fact that it was the best they have ever eat “in the whole galaxy”, as they like to add to embarrass you. Plus, Kix was head over heels for these, so the choice wasn’t hard to make, even more since it was making your best friend happy.

The campaign had been a complete success this time, and fortunately, no severe injuries were reported, only minor ones. It was an additional reason to celebrate, but it also meant that Kix was free of duty at the moment you landed. It only took a moment to both of you unpack your things and take a shower before heading to one of the many Coruscanti marketplaces.

You bumped into Fives and Echo at the store, teasing them about not forgetting anything this time. You were always extremely well organized when it came to grocery shopping, on the contrary of some other pairs, who sometimes had to borrow ingredients they forgot to buy. It had become a running joke among the group at this point.

***

“We better start with the cookies …”, you tell Kix while emptying your groceries bags on the kitchen counter.

“ …. So we could prepare the pasta while they bake ?” he finishes your sentence with a sly smile.

“Exactly” you pursue, smiling back at him. He couldn’t help it, finishing your sentences. But you couldn’t blame him for that, you were often doing the same. Sometimes you felt like if your minds were connected, always understanding each other only by making eye contact, or having the same ideas at the same time. You loved that connection between you, even though you were glad that he couldn’t read your thoughts for real sometimes, especially the most intimate ones.

“Did you bring your datapad and your speakers ?” you ask cheerfully.

“Of course, what a question !”

You were both music enjoyers and were used to cook while listening to your favorite songs. Soon, a flow of lively music was filling the kitchen, and you couldn’t help but sing and dance along. Your good mood was contagious, and Kix quickly joined you in.

As you were setting up all the needed kitchen utensils, Kix stopped in front the bottle of spotchka that was standing on the counter. You had taken the bigger one from the store, for the amount needed for the recipe was huge. However, there will still be some spare beverage at the end, and he knew it. He took the bottle in his hands, examining its label.

“Don’t you think it could be a good idea to taste it before using it ? We don’t know … If there’s something wrong with it, I don’t want to give my brothers some food poisoning …” he lets out, looking at you with a playful smile.

That poor attempt at justifying the opening of the bottle earlier than planned made you laugh.

“Really ? That’s all you have found to try to cover your alcoholism ?” you ask provokingly.

“Well, at least I’ve tried …” he rolls his eyes, “Can I ?”

“Only if I get some too !” you grin.

“Hehe, I knew it !”

He reached for some liquor glasses in the cupboard above he counter, picking two and filling them with the clear liquid.

“To our successful mission and the best General in the galaxy !” he cheers, offering you one of the glasses with a bright smile.

“Don’t forget the most devoted medic in the GAR.” You add, taking it from his hand.

He rolled his eyes in response, a slight blush passing on his cheeks.

“To the 501st !” he finally declares, raising his glass.

“Yeah, to the 501st !” you chuckle, raising yours too, before you both knock down their content in one go.

***

As you said, you started with the cookies. The longest part of the dough making was the chocolate preparation. You weren’t used to pre-made chocolate chips, for they were way too tiny to your taste. Instead, you preferred to cut bigger chunks from whole chocolate bars with a knife. It was a wearing job, especially for such a big quantity, but it was probably the reason why your recipe was so popular. The fuller of chocolate they were, the better the cookies ended.

You kept that part for yourself, leaving the combining of the other ingredients for Kix, who insisted to use his hands instead of a spatula. He seemed to have a lot of fun with it, even if it made him need your help when adding elements to the mixture, to not make a mess with his dough covered hands.

When you finished cutting the chocolate and added it to the preparation, you were both starting to feel joyfully dizzy. The first batch of cookies was put to bake, and you took a moment to contemplate the huge amount of dough waiting to be turned into small pieces before starting the main recipe.

“We’re a pretty effective duo, aren’t we ?” he says with pride.

“How modest” you let out ironically. He was right, but teasing him was funnier than to rule in his favor. You look at him to see his reaction, catching another roll of his eyes before looking deadpan back at you, feigning to be annoyed by your answer.

You were, indeed, always very effective when working together, either on the battlefield, at the medbay, or at whatever else like cooking. It was sometimes making you wonder in what other kind of way you could complete each other that well.

Now that you were thinking about it, you couldn’t help but find him very attractive that way, wearing his top blacks and civilian pants. But mostly, his eyes were so kind and soft, you could stare at them for hours.

“You know, I mean it. And I think that it wouldn’t have been the same with anyone else, I’m really glad to have you around.”

His comment pulled you out of your thoughts and made your heart instantly melt. If he wanted to make you blush, he won. You were used to talk that openheartedly to each other, but this time, it felt different. You couldn’t describe it, but you could feel that something more was happening. Those words sounded like a disguised confession, but you decided to ignore your instinct and brush the thought off.

“And you know I feel the same about you, I’ll be lost without you by my side.”

You felt your cheeks blushing, realizing that what you had just say wasn’t ringing any less like a confession. The thoughts that you were trying to avoid came back to your mind, but you didn’t push them back this time. You should have, but you couldn’t … You found yourself unable to get your eyes off him as tension filled the air. You felt his gaze become more intense upon you, and you caught his hand slowly and hesitantly moving toward you from the corner of your eye. You hold your breath, head spinning with nervousness. You were frozen on spot, waiting for whatever will happen next, hopping that maybe, just maybe, that strange presentiment wasn’t just your mind fooling you …

Biiip biiip biiip

You both jumped in surprise, letting out a squeak at the unexpected and piercing noise, not understanding, at first, from where the sound was coming from. You quickly got yourself together and realized it was the oven announcing that your first batch of cookies was ready.

You both looked at the oven, then back at each other with an expression of confusion on your face, before starting to laugh nervously.

“Well, seems like it’s time for the pastas !” you throw, trying to create a diversion from your awfully flustered face by running toward the oven to open it.

You weren’t really sure of what had just happened, but you decided to definitely burry your troubling thoughts with another shot of spotchka and by focusing on your main dish.

***

You forgot about that awkward moment as soon as you immersed yourself in the preparation of the pasta sauce. You firstly set a big cooking pot of water to boil for the pastas, and split the different steps of the recipe between the two of you. You picked up the slicing of the garlic while Kix chooses to set a pan with olive oil to heat and to measure the other ingredients.

You couldn’t help but cry abundantly at how strong the garlic was. As soon as you had peeled them and even before starting to slice them, the cloves were already attacking your eyes. Kix made fun of you about it until he had to open the tomato concentrate cans. He barely knew how to use a can opener, and made a mess of the whole counter trying to prevent the can lid to drown into the concentrate while opening it.

You ended up exchanging your tasks seeing how badly you were both struggling to fulfill them, and Kix still had to put his helmet on to be able to cut that stupid garlic without crying his eyes out. It was the first time that you were making such a mess in a kitchen, but paradoxically, even if you had enjoyed every one of the previous occurrences, this one was the funnier so far.

***

It took you more time than expected, but you still managed to get everything done properly. Most of the cookies were already baked and cooling peacefully on the counter, the pastas were cooked and waiting to be mixed with the sauce, the cheese topping had been grated and reserved in the fridge, and the said sauce was finishing to simmer, close to reach the perfect consistency.

You ended up losing count of how many glasses of spotchka you had, but all that mattered was that you had enough for the recipe. At this point, the atmosphere was relaxed, and the music was still playing, you weren’t overthinking the situation anymore and everything was going on as planned.

While you were both forming the next batch of cookies, you saw him suddenly stop moving to look at the flour covered counter like if he had just discovered the meaning of life.

“Are you ok ?” you ask. He didn’t answer anything, but slowly turned his head to look at you. You noticed that his eyes slowly lowered on your dark shirt, then moved to the counter, then back on your shirt.

You were starting to worry about him when a mischievous smile grew on his lips.

“Oh no … what are you up to again ?”

You didn’t get the chance to anticipate his move, and without a warning, he had dived his hand into the thin layer of flour that was covering the counter, then had slammed it on your shoulder.

You take a step back at the unexpected impact, your eyes widening in disbelief as they looked at the white hand mark now printed on your shirt.

“Are you serious ?” you gasp, but the only answer you got was a burst of laughter.

He obviously found it hilarious, and you started to smile too, for his laugh really was contagious. You knew that he usually wasn’t so inclined at pulling pranks, so you decided to play along.

“Well, if I was you, I wouldn’t be so proud of myself, you are the one wearing black from head to toes, just saying” you warn him with a teasing smile.

“You wouldn’t dare !” he lets out, looking at you right in the eyes. You took it as a challenge, of course.

“Watch me !”

Before he could even protest, you had covered you own hand in flour and had slammed it against his chest, creating a little cloud all around the impact.

Your move was immediately taken as a declaration of war, and the beginning of a monstruous white powdered mess. A big cloud of tiny white particles formed and grew as you run after each other all around the kitchen, laughing and covering every inch of body that could possibly be reached with hand prints. The chase goes on for a couple minutes, until you managed to grab him by the arm to stop him in his tracks and slapped his chest one more time.

But he turned over so fast and with so much strength that your hand, firmly attached to his arm, followed his movement, leading your whole body to be carried away toward the nearest kitchen wall, as you were a bit tipsy and missing your usually perfect balance.

Realizing what was happening, he tried to hold you back, but stumbled upon his own feet and was carried away too by your inertia. Your back came crashing against the wall in a muffled thud. Kix’s chest nearly crashed against you, but he fortunately got the reflex to use his forearms to catch himself.

You instantly stopped laughing and went completely silent, processing what had just happen. You were just inches from each other, both panting and your heartbeats racing fast from the previous run. Kix’s arms were settled against the wall, framing your face.

You stayed motionless, looking at him with wide eyes, stunned and chocked, with no idea about what to do next. The closeness was making you nervous again, and you tried not to stare at his mouth, despite the fact that your brain was screaming you to catch the opportunity to kiss him.

But as you were fully focused on trying to refrain your thoughts, Kix decided to solve the problem by leaning toward you and gently placing his lips against yours. You tensed at the contact at first, taken aback and surprised, but you soon started to relax.

You closed your eyes, all your nervousness quicky vanishing, and you unconsciously wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer until you were completely pinned down against the wall.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long …” he whispers between two kisses, unable to let go of your lips now that he had tasted them.

“And so do I …” you breath out, heat and desire burning your cheeks.

You were so lost into each other and the music was so loud that neither of you heard the repeated knocks on the door followed by its opening.

“Hey guys, are you here ? We … may have forgotten to buy something … Nothing much, but, I just needed to ask you, have you some spare …”

You suddenly broke your embrace and turned your head toward the intruder. It was Fives, and it was too late, he had already saw you.

“Oh maker !” he exclaims, his jaw dropping in shock, before a wide smile appeared on his lips.

“ I KNEW IT !!!” he shouts triumphantly. You didn’t even get the time to react that he had already escaped the kitchen, running in the corridor still yelling at the top of his lungs.

“I KNEW IT ! GUYS ! I KNEW IT !” his voice was getting farer and farer, and you both knew that soon every single members of the 501st will be informed about that.

You looked at each other, oscillating between concern and confusion.

“Oh kriff it, we’re caught anyway …” Kix whispers with another roll of his eyes. His resigned expression made you chuckle, but soon, his soft smile was back on his face again. He leaned toward you, passionately kiss you again, making you instantly forget about Fives and the tons of teasing that were about to come your way in the next hours.

#cfb2023 #vi writing #kix x reader #clone medic kix #kix #the clone wars #tcw kix #the clone wars x reader

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magnusbae · 8 months ago

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hi, i just read your latest piece, and i was wondering:

……..

who gave you the right?!?!?! that shit hurtEd. ouch.

now, i took longer than i wanted to reply to this one, because i knew i wished to write back, and there was simply not a good moment for it--- with less words... here are...amends, dear anon. edit: it was not amends, i am so sorry. prev ♥️

---

There's a certain kind of relief, Obi-Wan muses. In death, that is.

Afterlife, part of the living force, heaven or hell— however you would call it, it matters little. This is where Obi-Wan exists now, lingering in the twilight of the force, between the the living and the else.

He should move on.

He's done enough, he's given enough.

Obi-Wan tells himself that the reason for his protracted stay is his promise to watch the boy. He did not train him as he should have. At the very least he will not break his promise to keep him safe.

Some days, it was the only thing that kept him going.

The promise to himself, to the force, to...Anakin.

Obi-Wan tells himself that he owes that much to the memory of the man he once loved. (Still does, if he's honest enough.)(He is not.).

Owes that and more— for how completely he had failed him.

If he spends more time on watching the ashen remains of what used to be a breathtaking, beautiful supernova in the force— than on actually guiding the boy, well, he tells himself that this is for the best, as well. There's little good Obi-Wan's guidance does, after all.

There's no fixing it. Obi-Wan realizes as he watches the one who used to be his Padawan meditate, shields lowered, thinking himself alone.

He said so himself, many times over. He knew that, many times over. Yet he still finds new ways to feel heartsick over it, still manages to be somehow surprised at the notion that this is the truth, that his—

Despair sinks deep within Obi-Wan's core as Darth opens up wider to the force, exposing his turmoiled self to the living force. The layers of anger and hatred are blinding, crimson red and pitch black, all coiled tightly together, protecting what's inside. Claws and venom, and—

Oh, Obi-Wan shudders as Anakin lowers one more shield, for it is Anakin he senses beneath it all— his fear, his agony, his pain.

Oh, Anakin. Obi-Wan thinks, his own force signature twisting into knots. What he would have done to amend for this, to fix this to save him— but there's no bringing that rueful smile back, nor changing the past. Obi-Wan recoils from the thought. It is ruthless, pragmatic, and familliar. One he is used to, one he had been repeating to himself each day and each night. There is nothing he can do. Nothing.

Not anymore, not now, not then.

He can feel himself fading away, shifting deeper into the Force.

Away, away, away— again.

Turning his back as he once did, decades ago, the words 'Help me, Master' scourging through his soul and beyond.

He is a coward.

An old, foolish coward, who can never follow through.

Not that way, or another. Not in any way that matters.

#I swear to god i came here to give it a kinder‚ sweeter wrap up.#As things have it— it is what it is...#I am.....sorry anon....#obikin #obi wan kenobi #darth vader #star wars #obi wan #buns.w #buns.all #like i said i'll just write something quick before shower & bedtime yet here we are more than an hour later :)#god i karkin will pay for it xD #Anonymous #i rewrote it heavily on the go so y'know if anything kinda just -waves hand- then so it does #msg

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rainintheevening · 2 years ago

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How Qui-Gon saves Anakin (and the Galaxy): Part 1

Haven't even finished the fic, but have so many more thoughts about my Qui-Gon is Obi-Wan’s Father AU. Mostly about what happens after as we get into the movies, like in TPM.

-Qui-Gon saying something to Shmi about knowing what it's like to let go of your son for his sake, and wanting your child to grow up strong and safe.

-Obi-Wan still being thrown by Qui-Gon saying he'll take Anakin as his padawan, but during their argument before takeoff, Qui-Gon pointedly calls him 'my son', which always settles something in Obi-Wan whenever he's wound up, and it works this time too. Qui-Gon makes sure Obi-Wan knows that padawan or no, Obi-Wan is his son, and nothing will ever change that.

-Obi-Wan screaming, "Ada!" when Qui-Gon goes down under Maul’s blade.

-QUI-GON SURVIVING. Because I'm writing this story, not GL.

-But barely, and as much as they manage to fix or replace most of his damaged organs, he's never going to fully recover.

-Obi-Wan gets knighted once Qui-Gon is able to perform the ceremony, but that takes a few months, and that is actually good time for Anakin to acclimate to Temple life.

-Obi-Wan takes Anakin as his padawan, and it is actually kinda perfect? Cause Obi-Wan has his dad to get advice from, and Anakin has a grandpa he can safely vent to when he's frustrated.

-Qui-Gon hates being permanently injured, but that's less about the constant pain (which they say he'll have to deal with to some degree for the rest of his life), and more about the loss of mobility. It takes him a year or two to really come to terms with that, with not being able to just get up and go ever again.

-Anakin learns a lot from watching Qui-Gon deal with that, and seeing the man he considers a hero struggle both physically and emotionally.

-Obi-Wan has his hands full, but he doesn’t deal with any of it alone. Yaddle, who's always been a great friend of him and Qui-Gon, is particularly lovely with helping him find a fair balance between working with Anakin and taking care of Qui-Gon until his dad is mostly self-sufficient again.

-After losing his temper with Anakin one day, and very quickly apologising, Qui-Gon takes some advice from Obi-Wan and gets more honest and open with Anakin about when he's having bad days. This leads to Anakin making it his mission to give Qui-Gon as many good days as possible.

-Qui-Gon finally accepts his condition when the healers warn him that the 'spare parts' will only sustain him so long, and his days are numbered. When he realises that if his injuries are bad enough that he will never recover, he probably should have died on Naboo. But for whatever reason he's been given extra time. Extra time to see his son grow as a knight, to contribute to Anakin’s education, to have more tea with his friends. Extra time to lose himself in the Archives and be dragged out, blinking like an owl, by Jocasta Nu telling him his boys are looking for him and the reason he's feeling faint is because he hasn't eaten all day. Extra time for the three of them to end up cuddled together in the same bed when Anakin’s had a nightmare, and Qui-Gon's feeling the pain, and Obi-Wan is kinda overwhelmed with how much he loves his dad and his kid and he just wants them both to be okay. It's a gift, Qui-Gon discovers. A painful one to be sure. But a gift nonetheless, and he's going to make the most of it.

-He definitely enables a lot of Anakin’s mischievous pranks and more unorthodox ways of blowing off steam. But he does his best not to undermine Obi-Wan’s authority as Anakin’s master.

-When Anakin gets into his particularly rebellious and moody teens, Qui-Gon helps pull him out of spirals by telling all sorts of stories from when Obi-Wan was a padawan, embarrassing ones especially, and stories from his own apprenticeship. He never tries to teach Anakin anything in those talks, especially seeing as how one of Anakin’s complaints is about Obi-Wan making everything into a lesson. But it really does help Anakin, makes him think, and see his master as more approachable, less perfect.

-It comes on toward ten years since finding Anakin, and the Battle of Naboo, and Qui-Gon is being more and more intentional with the time he does get to spend with Obi-Wan and Anakin. He gets the feeling he doesn't have more than half a dozen years left at the most. He's trying to make sure his boys will be ready when he dies.

-Aaaaaand then we get the Clone Wars.

-And my plot brain goes bonkers with the possibilities.

#my headcanons #qui-gon is obi-wan's father au #i am absolutely in love with this au #i will never write a proper fic for it #i have my hands full with Broken Constellations #but i do want to write some one shots in this universe #after i finish the 5+1 fic that lays the groundwork #qui gon jinn #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #star wars #promises of fools au

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idgivemyeyesfor-mattmurdock · 1 year ago

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i liked your original post reminding people to be mindful of matt's blindness when writing fanfics for him, but your new one is quite odd, to be honest.

anyone who writes for him is free to interpret his character based on what stood out to them in the show, and how they use that interpretation to insert or conduct matt in their stories is very honestly up to them. there are famous and generally agreed-upon headcanons for matt because of popular fanfics in the dd fandom (which i'm also a big fan of), but ultimately they're just that: headcanons.

you may interpret matt as someone who would worship whoever he's dating, but many might not interpret his character as the same. i know you mean well, but i feel that being authoritative over how to write his character takes out the fun in writing fanfics for characters.

OMG HI!!! Thank you so much for responding!!!

Remember: this is my opinion. Not fact. I am not claiming my words to be fact, nor word I ever <3

Totally get where you're coming from; let me clarify my post.

So, there are fictional men like, Jess Mariana, Peter Parker (comic book, not live action) Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Clark Kent, that I feel like can be written overall in a pretty safe and vague way...they're the sweet guys of the fandom, and if you were to put the worst dialog on the planet by those characters but they were having picnic with so and so person, I honestly would read it and believe every action and movement.

If you were to write Though, when writing, Anakin Skywalker, Loki, Bruce Wayne, and Matthew Murdock/Daredevil... we enter this new world of layered writing that should be handled in a way that the reader (even if its for fun) gets the density of their personality, and tendencies.

I said, "Remember that Matthew Murdock is Daredevil, and Daredevil is not Matthew Murdock."

That, is what it means... and I don't feel like I have to defend it that much. His character is almost like moonknight in a way when you're writing two at once. Whichever you choose to focus more on, will reveal that personality for itself. Also, I've read some fan fics that do play this out very well. At night, and at all times at night; Daredevil is rougher with his love intrest, adn himself... vs the day where it's more puppy love.

"Sure he'd want to get a girlfriend, propose THEN have a kid. HOWEVER, throw in a wildcard of a women into the mix, and the order will have to change. Or, throw in if the oc hangs out with Matthew, she may go for the more traditional approach to a family. Vs, a character like Mercedes Castle (My OC. Check out Cherie on Wattpad!) who is more like Daredevil, but spends more time with Matt, then that changes the mix entirely because she's not traditional, but he is."

Again, this goes with handling with person you're oc is hanging around more often.... going back to the daredevil at night thing, I feel like choosing his choices for lets say the oc (at night) says, "I'm pregnant." right? Daredevil (imo) won't be as happy about that, but come the morning, Matthew Murdock plead his heart out to her and ask for "forgiveness" for being so rude.

"Matthew love interest, please remember that they become his god. He worships them, so he will bend the side of him he doesn't like to please her."

So, this can get see as authoritative towards his character. I get my wording was a lil off but, hear me out.

A lot of fan fics i've read MASTER this concept of "worshiping" the oc. But, I'm not saying whatever I say is fact, but in the show he does have a tendency to put xyz character in place of his own self (depending on how much he's 'into' them.) Sure, I get what you mean like, "you may interpret Matt as someone who would worship whoever he's dating, but many might not interpret his character as the same." saying that it takes away the 'fun' but hear me out. We want authenticity, and it feel better as the reader when you are given that raw dialog, and movements. my opinion: I love the worshiping idea, and it plays really well in a prompt when something happen to character B, and he has to give everything up to help them

Why am I writing this?:

Well because I really care about this character, and I hate to see such an intriguing person, get subjected to things that cross their moral standard.

we all have the capabilities to grow and accept others opinions!

and three, well, I just have been writing him for so long, that when I see a post like, "his eyes met my face" I'm like... girly. No. No he didn't because he's blind. And, when I see a pregnancy scare, and she's like, "He slipped his black mask away from his face and hugged me in excitement, saying 'I am so excited to start a family with you.'" I'm like... waitttttt hold up, and hear me out.

If you have a problem with this, please send in a request! Also, I'm open for requests about Matt, so enjoyyyy queens!

#matt murdock fic #matt murdock x reader #matt murderdock #please dont come at me #ao3 marvel #mattmurdockxreader #mattmurdocksmut #mattmurdock #daredevil #mattmurdockfanfic #charlie cox #charliecox #writingmattmurdock #bornagain #she/hulk #jennifer walters #she hulk #marvel #comic spoilers

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dhampiravidi · 10 months ago

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What was your inspiration for/drew you to writing Skadi and Rela? {Taking a bit of liberty with a mun-directed question about roleplaying.}

ok, it's kinda dumb but most (if not ALL) of my OCs are basically "hey, so I noticed there's no _____ in this fandom" OR "oof I wanna make a self-insert!" *1 week later* "OK, now I gotta make sure they aren't a Mary Sue, so I can introduce them to Tumblr--"

anyway 🌸

I think most people know this, but Marvel's version of Thor is not a lot like the Norse god Thor. You've got blond, discovering-himself Hemsworth vs. redhead, bulky, fairly aggressive god. Which is fine (I guess, I mean, I LIKE when people accurately depict deities every now & then, but whatever). Norse Loki swings violently between "that funny guy we adopted into our fam" & "guy who pisses everyone off". Sounds similar to Marvel Loki, except the family tree is totally different & Marvel Loki usually only does bad stuff because he's jealous of Thor.

anyway 😁

I figured I'd make my own Asgardian, because I'd decided I COULD NOT make my DC OC (whose FC is Tessa Thompson) crossover into Marvel/the MCU. I read about the Norse gods & was attracted to Skadi because 1) I'm a sucker for water/ice supernaturals & 2) she reminded me of Artemis. Short version: Skathi (alt. spelling of the Norse goddess) is a jotunn (Frost Giant) who gets tricked into marrying the Vanir god Njord by Loki. They divorce because he doesn't wanna move to her mountains & she doesn't wanna move to his sea. Oh & she got to marry a Vanir (or Aesir) because Loki killed her dad (sort of). So we've got a rightfully angry, badass huntress of the mountains whose dad dies. I focused on that, but really leaned into her having some warmth that she only shows to animals & those who prove their kind natures to her. My Skadi doesn't use her cryokinesis much because she prefers to rely on her hunting skills & (my HC) Jotunn appreciate resourcefulness.

bear with me 🐻🐼

I'll be honest: I have crushed on Anakin since I was FIVE. I think I liked his hair in Episode III. I read parts of Wookiepedia in middle & high school, just in time for the new movies. I thought "holy SHIT, Jacen Solo is like Jason Todd + Anakin, he'll be so BADASS" but ofc we can't have ANYTHING NICE, so we got...the sequels (& like 30 books being cut from canon). Yeah, well, I still like magic ninjas, so I wanted to make a Jedi.

Initially, I was going to do a version of my DC OC aka make a self-insert, then subtract any Mary Sue-ishness. Nah. I picked one of my favorite SW races, the pretty Twi'lek & looked at my list of Western Zodiac characteristics. I hadn't really made many introverted, bookish OCs, so I made Rela into one. I read all the lore on Twi'leks & looked up how long it takes to go up the Jedi ranks. Once I figured out what her whole timeline might look like, I squooshed her into Anakin's peer group at the Temple :D also I absolutely LOVE it whenever someone can dual-wield blades or handguns. IRL, it takes a lot more skill than people realize. Oh & I love purple (Rela's skin color)! It was a coincidence to find that her RL FC, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, starred in a movie where she had purple hair!

#thanks for the ask!#vivalavillain

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fanfictasia · 2 years ago

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Comfortember Day 20

Self-Care

Spoiler: This is an excerpt from The Mandalorian Effect

“Why do I have to wash my hands?” Anakin asks, expression scrunched up with honest confusion. “Won’t that waste water?”

“The ship has a filtration system,” Rex explains, “And it will recycle whatever you use so it can be used again. We don’t need to worry about running out.”

“Oh.” He considers that for a moment. “Okay.”

Rex can feel Shmi’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t take his focus off Anakin. He can sense that she is… pleased, perhaps, to see him trying to help Anakin, trying to teach him how to live an actual life. Anakin follows Rex’s instructions well – of course, he does; being a slave, disobedience could easily mean violence – and in no time at all, they’re sitting down in the galley to eat their first meal off Tatooine.

“Don’t give Grogu too many sweet things,” Mando warns. “He doesn’t know when to stop, and he’ll get a stomach ache and throw up.” As if on cue, the kid coos, looking up at him as if to say, ‘who me?’ Mando chuckles quietly, running a finger over Grogu’s head, and he goes back to eating his ration bar with both hands, though he doesn’t look terribly happy with it.

Anakin doesn’t complain, even if he can’t be very fond with the bland flavor of it. But again, Rex isn’t surprised. He feels underwhelmingly prepared for the responsibility that is caring for Anakin Skywalker. How did General Kenobi ever manage it? He has no idea, but he wishes he knew. It is so… terrifying, this prospect of helping a former slave child learn to be free.

“You can have more, if you want it,” Rex says, glancing at Anakin after watching the way the boy is fiddling with the wrapper as if he wants more.

“I… can?” Anakin asks tentatively.

“You can eat as much as you want,” Rex affirms, “But I’m not sure if your body can handle it, so go slowly, okay?”

He meets Shmi’s eyes, and she nods slightly, so he gets up to get Anakin another ration bar. He doesn’t try to eavesdrop when she leans towards Anakin, saying something quietly to him. Of them all, Shmi, he knows, can help Anakin adjust best.

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the-last-kenobi · 1 year ago

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Just because Anakin is the leading protagonist for the prequels and a leading villain for the originals doesn’t make him right. Lucas went hard to show us that he’s flawed, and self-focused, and above all: resistant to healing.

Anakin doesn’t want to heal and grow, he wants everyone to get out of his way so he can do as he pleases, which we not only see him do but hear him talk about many times.

He goes in turns praising Obi-Wan and lauding his accomplishments to tearing him down and belittling him, most especially when Obi-Wan isn’t around to defend himself. He has questions about the war and his understandably conflicted feelings over it and brings these feelings to the Chancellor, acting as if this is a completely normal and healthy thing to do and taking offense when his fellow Jedi, friends, and wife question him about it. He shows up to Padmé’s office where she is working to defend freedom and justice in the middle of a war and harasses her into spending time with him even though she asks him repeatedly to let her work and encourages him to occupy his time otherwise until she’s finished.

He takes every “no” as a personal affront. He takes his promotion to the Council - an unheard of honor for such a young Jedi who isn’t a Master - as a slap to the face because he has allowed Palpatine to feed into his delusions of grandeur so much that he thinks he’s better than not only every Council member, but the Council as a whole.

In TPM, we hear Anakin’s childish view of the Jedi - that they are heroes with flashy swords that can’t be defeated. There’s nothing wrong with this - he is a child, and a child living a dangerous and unfair life. Of course he has idealized heroes living in his head. But we see him discard Qui-Gon’s early tidbits and warnings about how being a Jedi is about humility, about protecting others, and that being a Jedi doesn’t make you invulnerable.

By the time of AOTC, despite a decade training with the Jedi, learning from them, being taught by one of the best - by the time he’s 19, Anakin has escalated from thinking that he could be a Jedi to thinking that he is beyond them. Beyond their rules, beyond their power, beyond their teachings. He wants the saber and the cloak and the awe in people’s eyes as he walks by - he cares little for the actual heart of being a Jedi.

It’s not that he never makes an effort! It’s not that he can’t learn! We see him learn, and teach, and make friends, and train Ahsoka. He dotes on younglings and shares Jedi philosophy. We have endless proof that he knows and understands!

And yet.

And yet every time it’s put to the test, he throws it away in favor of his own sheer power.

Anakin lives, increasingly over the series, in a world of his own creation.

It’s really not hard to draw a line from this behavior to the crazed eyes of the man who tried to strangle his pregnant wife as she wept over his refusal to see anything wrong with the fact that he had just betrayed his vows to the Order, to the Republic, and to her and personally led the slaughter of thousands of his own people.

Anakin is easy to love. He’s relatable, and awkward, and has an earnest desire to love and be loved. He wants glory - be honest now, who doesn’t want even just a little glory, a little respect? He wants to be a hero, and he’s good at what he does.

But he’s not a good person. He chooses not to be. Every time he has the opportunity to choose better, healthier, more honest, he chooses not to. Every time.

Luke didn’t defeat the Empire because some sweet, lovely, “true” Anakin somehow came alive in Vader’s mind and saved the day. Luke defeated the Empire because he showed up in Anakin Skywalker’s life and insisted on confronting evil and choosing good, over and over again. He showed him up. He walked up to his father and proved him wrong.

Anakin Skywalker was a great hero because he was powerful and relentless.

He was a terrifying villain for the same reasons.

He can do both because it was never about a belief system for the world and very much about what he believed he could achieve and what he thought he deserved because of it.

The constant pervasive ideas about the Jedi, that they're repressed and bad at relationships and isolated from the world and its realities and stuck in their ways, is actually just... Anakin.

Like people looked at Anakin Skywalker and assumed that because he was the protagonist that the way he acted was somehow a symptom of the Jedi's teachings or upbringing instead of just... Anakin's personality?

Anakin is repressed, more than almost literally any other character in the entire franchise. Anakin chronically refuses to really acknowledge how he's feeling and pretends he ISN'T feeling it while multiple other people might be begging him to do the opposite.

Anakin is bad at relationships, he pressures Padme into a relationship by constantly ignoring her stated boundaries and disrespecting her. He complains about his OTHER relationships to Padme and Palpatine, particularly his relationship to Obi-Wan. He's awkward and overly melodramatic, incapable of truly expressing himself in a way that isn't immediately off-putting to normal people or being able to express his more positive feelings towards someone in a way they might recognize or accept.

Anakin isolates himself from the world and its realities, refusing to see nuance anywhere, and preferring to view things from an entirely black and white perspective, particularly in order to make himself out to be the hero of any situation (the Tuskens are animals, the Separatists are evil, the Jedi are evil, etc).

Anakin is stuck in his ways. Similar to the last point, Anakin refuses to accept that any way but his own could possibly work or be worth considering. He thinks he's extra special and therefore people like Obi-Wan have literally nothing to teach him of any worth. Anakin doesn't WANT to think differently about the Separatists even when Padme tells him otherwise. Anakin does things in a certain specific way and refuses to change even if it might be better to do so.

I dare someone to try to come up with an accusation made about the Jedi's culture and lifestyle that "needs to change" that isn't literally just ANAKIN'S personality flaws projected onto the Jedi at large.

Maybe the Jedi don't need to change at all and Anakin just as an unhealthy toxic personality that even the Jedi couldn't fix.

#star wars #star wars meta #anakin skywalker #jedi #jedi positivity #pro jedi #darth vader #obi wan kenobi #padmé amidala #ahsoka tano

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marvelstars · 2 years ago

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Palpatine & Anakin Skywalker

This is one of the more long standing relationships on Star Wars, it bassically takes over Anakin´s life pre and post Vader transformation, there´s a lot that could be said about it but today I am going to tackle the psycological aspect of it.

First off, Palpatine takes a lot of time to firmly establish himself as one of Anakin´s parental figures and the tools he uses for this end are psycological abuse, which goes on even after his fall to the darkside.

Psycological abuse: Breaking someone with words instead of punches, to dominate unfairly.

The long term stress can actually exhaust the body to the point of causing physical damage, even to vital organs. But sadly it's not recognized by the police and doctors, so the victim can end up being the one locked up in a mental institution. The worst abuse is gaslight and is sadly done by health care too, by shaming and invaludating your rightfully sad emotions.

Don't allow disrespect or they will do worse than kill you. They will destroy who you are, your feelings, your self esteem, your joy, your capacity to run away by making you think you deserve pain and that's what love is (it's not), they will destroy your will to live and turn your life into hell.

It's one of the the true causes of "mental illness". It's an imbalanced between your needs and limits. (Neglect and abuse.) Don't allow abuse in any form, psychological can be worse than physical, it's harder to notice, stop and heal. And it's often the start of physical, sexual, financial abuse later.

There are many examples in the comics and movies of Palpatine doing this but I will chose one in which Anakin and Palpatine started hanging out, Anakin is 13 year old here.

What makes Palpatine´s manipulation so effective here is that he isn´t working using lies per se, he uses the corruption of the Republic system, it´s Senators involved in keeping slavery or the very real distrust the Jedi Order has concerning Anakin´s future, factors that are already there to make Anakin believe Palpatine´s understanding of the goverment/Jedi is the only one valid because he´s the "one honest politician who cares about Anakin" Anakin respects the Chancellor a lot but also questions him, take in consideration talks like this one were had between them for around 10 years between Episode I and Episode II.

Their first meetings, when Anakin was a child were allowed by the Jedi Order and programed by Palpatine, Anakin didn´t have much choice in the matter even if he does like the Chancellor, respects him and comes to love him as a trusted mentor/parental figure.

The reason why this kind of manipulation is so dangerous is because it´s very subtle, the people around could mistake the person/victim of psycological abuse as the one responsible of their own abuse, which is what ultimately happens to Anakin.

Obi-Wan, for example, takes Anakin and Palpatine´s relationship as an actual friendship where Anakin is getting benefices for being close to the Chancellor, this is most obvious in ROTS where part of the Jedi Council distrust of Anakin is because the Chancellor effectively gave them the Order of getting Anakin inside the Council, they believe Anakin wanted in and is using his influence when that´s is false and in practice this gives Anakin the perception the Council is manipulating him to spy on his friend and Clone Wars established the precedent with Raako Hardeen, that the Jedi Council is willing to use Anakin percepcion or feelings for political or war purposes which only reinforced Palpatine´s words about the Jedi not appreciating Anakin as a person or as a member of the Order.

Add to this Palpatine putting Padme and Anakin on opposite places of the political espectrum, because by having Anakin apparently support his political decisions, Padme considers her and her group of Senators who want Palpatine to give up his especial powers because of the Clone War, his political influence handed to him by the Senate are in opposition of Anakin´s current political beliefs. When Anakin in fact agrees with them about Palpatine no longer needing those powers, tried to talk about this with the Chancellor, only to be told Padme and her political group are seeking a coup agaisnt him, which they in theory are doing by building the begginings of the rebel alliance.

So Padme starts hidding from Anakin her meetings with the Senators and Anakin doesn´t tell her about the Chancellor thinking they are organizing a coup and him being worried for Padme because of this.

Palpatine has effectively isolated Anakin from his main loved ones, Padme and Obi-Wan, leaving only the Chancellor as the trusted confidant/mentor and he also introduced seeds of doubt about Anakin for Obi-Wan and Padme, which reinforces Anakin´s sense of paranoia about his closest people being agaisn´t him or lying to him, because this is indeed happening but not for the reasons he believes.

All this leads to Anakin´s complete breakdown, psycotic break in the middle of ROTS, Lucas even added other signals like lack of sleep and food because of his nightmares of Padme dying all this because Palpatine needed Anakin emotionally broken for him to ever consider choosing the darkside.

I could go on and on, there are some expecific circunstances there but this post is long enough.

Bonus:

#anakin skywalker #palpatine #obi-wan kenobi #psycological abuse #star wars #prequel trilogy #jedi order critical #obi-wan critical #long post #gaslight #grooming #Emperor Palpatine

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nevertheless-moving · 4 years ago

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Star Wars AU #4: Three Skywalkers & An Absolute Metric Shit-ton of Kyber

SO I’m sitting here thinking about that one scene in Episode IV where Vader, Luke, and Leia are all in the same room together for a very brief minute - the only time in the series

You’ve probably seen the joke where Obi-wan just fucking dies rather than deal with that

You know what other powerhouse was there? Besides the son and twin grandkids of the force?

AN INSANE AMOUNT OF SEMI-SENTIENT KYBER CRYSTALS

I’m head cannoning that Kyber crystals use the Jedi as much as the other way around- but sometimes that balance is thrown off

And you better believe these crystals are pissed off about the whole death star thing

So the Kyber takes the opportunity its been given just yoinks the force through our resident overly force-sensitive suckers

And goes home to Illum, bringing a A Sith Lord, A Princess, and A Moisture Farmer along for the ride

On the surface, Fairly-Recently-Traumatized-and-Knighted Obi-Wan Kenobi is escorting a bunch of ten year olds (including young Anakin Skywalker!) on their first gathering

They are shocked when a rainfall of kyber crystals and three humanoids tumble from the sky.

26 year old Knight Kenobi is pretty sure this doesn’t usually happen, but he’s a relatively new single dad, what does he know about anything.

None of that time traveler disorientation- our future three were one with the force and the force with them- they know exactly where they are and what just happened, though they’re still processing how to deal

Vader recovers first and briefly tries to kill his child self (that’s the bastard who killed my wife!)

Young Obi-Wan steps in the way telling Anakin and the others to get back.

Vader is mostly toying with him- after all, he knows everything about how Kenobi fights, and Obi-Wan knows nothing amount him

Luke puts 1 and 1 and 1 together - Time Travel plus Jedi plus ‘Anakin’

"My name is Luke Skywalker and You’re not killing my father a second time YAAAA” comes charging in with the Skywalker lightsaber

This, naturally, distracts Vader long enough for Leia to shoot him right in the respirator

Wounded, Vader retreats to the ship. The Jedi Gathering Ship oh shit

Strands them all there and oh boy is that awkward.

They all get rescued pretty quickly- I figure some other Jedis felt whatever crazy nonsense just happened (100 credits this is somehow Skywalkers fault. Ha, no bet.)

And wow does everyone have a lot of questions and wow do Luke and Leia have the answers to pretty much none of them

Meanwhile Vader is having a fucking meltdown fixing up his cyborg body because he’s 31 years in the past

His wife is alive! but she’s also 15 years old which um…he’s a lot of things but a perv isn’t one of them

His son is alive! But he has no empire to keep him safe with and the second Palpatine finds out he’s going to try and eliminate them because the mention of ‘Emperor Palpatine’ is way too big a threat to sith plans and aw hell no that is not happening

Luke and Leia get taken back to the temple and Luke tells them the blatant lies old Ben told him which makes Obi-Wan… go lie down for a minute

Young Anakin thinks the whole thing is pretty wizard because he has a time traveling son now!

Leia tells them that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is actually a terrifying Sith lord who wiped out the entire Jedi Order and subjugated the galaxy (because she actually had an honest education)

Which no one wants to deal with, i mean, we asked, but we do not like that answer

The high council is still debating several hours later and Luke is growing mixed feelings about the awesome Jedi thing, because on one hand, they’ve been repeating themselves for a while, and on another, *J*E*D*I T*E*M*P*L*E

Leia is working on sending an encrypted message to Senator Antilles from alderann if she can just get another minute alone

news breaks that an Asthmatic Sith Cyborg just assassinated the Chancellor in front of the Entire Senate and also the Chancellor shot lightning??out of his hands??and exploded when he died?can the Jedi plz help?!??

“Killed the Master, the Apprentice has” Yoda says and everyone nods gravely

There is a lot of chaos in the republic as some of Palpatine’s Sith Spite bombs unleash a bit of chaos, but overall, he really didn’t have that much time to abuse his poser- and his apprentice situation was at a low ebb

The council is concerned about this future Sith Lord last seen in a ship heading towards Serrano but

The force feels…lighter somehow? As though…the galaxy was filled with… A New Hope

#star wars #sw #my au #star wars au #if anyone has a link to that post where obi-wan just dies rather than deal with the three of them i will gladly link it but i cant find it #star wars au no 4 #kywalkers au

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darthkruge · 4 years ago

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hello lovely!! i’ve been getting back into star wars lately and i’ve been loving your fics!! and i was wondering if i could make a request?? sort of like,, anakin but he doesn’t turn to the dark side type thing?? like he maybe confesses he’s scared to lose you and you help him through it?? maybe obi wan helps out?? honestly you can take it however you want :)) ty ty

anakin skywalker x reader || rewritten

summary || a rots fix it fic where i take many liberties and give anakin a support system + everyone gets better communication and we think about how it would perhaps end differently

warnings || hella canon divergence, angst w/ a happy ending, some violence (non graphic and not super described)

words || 5.1k (i am legit shocked)

a/n || hello and thank you!! i’m so glad you’ve been loving my fics! this fic was honestly super challenging for me and it ended up being the longest thing i’ve ever written. i made some big changes and lots of smaller ones, but each one was fully intentional. i really, really hope y’all like it <3

main masterlist || anakin masterlist

gif credit

-----

Anakin awoke with a start, chest heaving and covered in sweat. He was gripping the blankets as he tried to ground himself, frantically looking around as if to discern between reality and the horrid dreamscape his mind created. He whipped his head to the side, visibly relaxing as he saw you staring up at him, a confused look on your face.

You were no stranger to Anakin’s nightmares but this one seemed unlike any he’d ever had. You slept curled into him and, thus, his jolt caused one of your own. Unsure if he wanted your touch just yet, you reached out to him with the Force. Panic, loss, grief, fear, terror, insecurity. You looked into his eyes, watching as they slowly cleared and he registered your presence. He blinked quickly, trying to clear the tears from his vision and gave you a slight nod.

Reaching a tentative hand to his shoulder, you suppressed a gasp as you felt him shudder beneath you. You quietly whispered his name and placed a finger under his jaw, guiding his face to yours. You nodded back at him and opened your arms in silent invitation. He crawled into your embrace as you pulled him impossibly close to you, situating yourself against the headboard so you could better wrap yourself around his shaking body. Choked sobs erupted from his lips, each one tearing a hole in your heart. As he finally let himself cry with his face buried into your neck, you held him. By the Maker, you held him.

He didn’t want to speak just yet and you understood. You’ve always extended the same respect back to him as he gives to you. Tucked into you, Anakin’s fingers squeezed into your flesh, as if trying to remind himself you were solid. You placed a few kisses into his soft hair and onto his forehead, hands running up and down his arms and back. You physically pressed reminders of your love into his skin for hours and, somewhere in the midst of your embrace, he let himself fall into a state of limbo. Unawake, unasleep, umoving, yet feeling everything you had to offer.

----

When morning came, you reached out once again. The emotions from last night were still evident, just not as strong. Simultaneously, you allowed a small smile to come to you as you felt something new. Warmth, comfort, love. You ran your fingers through Anakin’s hair to pull him to consciousness, needing to see his eyes. Stars, his eyes. While they were absolutely gorgeous, they also always gave him away. You once told him that. “Only for you, my love.” He’d replied.

“Hi.” He croaked out, meeting your gaze. Your eyes fluttered closed for a second as you took a deep breath in relief. His eyes were clear. You didn’t know how long the shadows would be banished for, but as long as they weren’t constant, you had hope.

“Hi, baby.” You whispered, allowing yourself to give him another forehead kiss, made easy by your position that you’d somehow remained in throughout the night. You looked at him expectantly and knew he knew what you were asking.

“You… you died,” Anakin started. His eyes were already filling with tears. “It wasn’t clear. There was so much blood. And you kept begging me to help you. You screamed and screamed and screamed and you were in agony and…”

You took his hand in yours, squeezing his fingers in encouragement to go on.

“I never- I never came for you.” He spit the words out as if they were venomous and shook his head. You could hear the self-hatred in his words, the way he couldn’t grasp the concept of hurting you, ever, and yet how seriously he took this.

“Hey, hey. Stop, my love.” You said, hoping to pull him out of his spiral. “You would never harm me, Anakin. You would come for me, you always have. That was a horrible dream and I’m so sorry you had to experience it. But it was just a dream, Anakin. It’s not real.”

He pulled away from you as if he couldn’t stand to feel your gentle touch. “No, no, no! It-” His words were cut off by his uneven breathing, his pulse racing as he relived the nightmare. “It felt like the ones I had about my mother. It felt… prophetic. I’m scared, Y/N, I can’t lose you.”

You walked over to him, placing your hands on his cheeks and rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones, hoping to calm him. “You won’t. It takes a lot to kill me, you know? Especially when I have you by my side.”

Anakin nodded but you could tell he was unconvinced.

“How about you talk to Obi-Wan about the dreams? He’s always helped you before.” You suggested.

While normally this would be unthinkable, as it would expose your relationship, Anakin felt himself pulled toward the choice. Inwardly, he admitted that he could definitely use a friend right now. And Obi-Wan had always stood by him. Somehow, he just knew that now would be no different.

------

Obi-Wan easily swung the door open with the Force before Anakin even had a chance to knock. He knew his former Padawan’s force signature like the back of his hand and had sensed his distress for days. Unbeknownst to Anakin, Obi-Wan had canceled his missions due to this, wanting to stay close for when Anakin eventually came to him for guidance.

Obi-Wan looked up from his paperwork as he realized Anakin refused to come closer. Huddled behind the door frame, a conflicted and fearful look on his face, Obi-Wan was struck by how similar Anakin looked to the little boy he’d found on Tatooine all those years ago. Many nights, young Anakin would come into Obi-Wan’s room, plagued with nightmares. Just as before, Obi-Wan never turned him away.

“Something’s troubling you.”

Anakin sighed, taking a tentative step forward. “You know Master L/N?”

Obi-Wan smiled knowingly, having a sense of where this is going. “Yes, of course. A brilliant strategist, much like yourself.”

“I…. I’m involved with them, Master.”

“Involved?” Obi-Wan replied, with a quirked eyebrow.

“Please don’t punish Y/N for this, I know the Council frowns upon relationships. If you need to report it, I understand. But just report me, say they had nothing to do with it. But before you do anything please, Master, listen to what I must tell you. I wouldn’t unless it was absolutely necessary.” Anakin pleaded.

“Anakin, I know.”

“Yeah, I mean it truly is necessary-”

Obi-Wan placed a comforting hand on the younger Jedi’s shoulder. “You misunderstand. I mean, I know.”

Anakin’s eyes widened with realization before confusion filtered into his gaze. “But we were so careful!”

“Not as much as you would think,” Obi-Wan said with a slight laugh.

“And you’re not upset?”

He sighed. “Being honest, I was a bit at first. Anakin, you know the rules and you can be so reckless at times! But how could I fault you for your own humanity? And I knew who you were when I met you. I was always aware of your compassion, your capacity for emotions.” Anakin nodded and smiled, but the faraway look in his eye never wavered.

Clearing his voice, Obi-Wan continued. “Are you alright, Anakin?”

“No.” The strength of the word shocked them both and caused Anakin to take a moment to compose himself. “They’re dying.”

Panic flashed through Obi-Wan’s expression. “They’re what? What happened? Was it a mission? Do the medics know? Is-”

“- No, nothing… nothing yet. But it will.” While Obi-Wan didn’t exactly understand, he could tell through Anakin’s tone that his former Padawan believed this with his entire soul.

“I’ve been having more nightmares.” Anakin said.

“Like the ones with your mother?”

Anakin nodded, his gaze muddled as his mind wove through every possibility on how to save you. Coming up with none, he looked up quickly, the lost confusion clear.

“It’s going to be alright, Anakin. We’re going to do this together.” Obi-Wan offered, trying to comfort his friend. When Anakin nodded this time, his expression had more hope in it. Obi-Wan returned the gesture, tipping his head as Anakin walked out. Before Anakin reached the door, Obi-Wan called his name.

“Talk to me if you feel troubled. About anything, my friend. And just know… it’s okay to feel afraid. And you’re no less a Jedi because you love them. At least, not in my eyes.” For the first time since he’d walked in the room, Anakin gave a true smile. His former Master inhaled deeply, realizing after hearing those words, Anakin looked more like himself than he had in a long while.

-----

A few hours and a Council meeting later, Anakin walked back into your chambers, closing the door with a huff. He wasn’t enraged, per se, but definitely conflicted. You approached him cautiously, heart falling when you saw those familiar clouds back in his eyes.

“Did Obi-Wan not take it well?”

Anakin shook his head. “It’s not… he was supportive. But the Council has assigned something to me and…” He trailed off and looked at you. Only then did you see his bloodshot, puffy eyes.

“What did they ask of you, Anakin?” You questioned, coming behind him to gently massage his tense shoulders.

“I’m needed to spy on the Chancellor. Apparently there’s a Sith Lord somewhere in the Order. They suspect him.” He tried to keep his voice strong, but you could see how torn apart he was by the inflection in his tone.

You took a breath and tried to process the information. “Will you do it?”

“I don’t know… if the Council tells me I must, then I must. But the Chancellor has only been good to me. I worry about betraying him but I don’t want to let down the Order. I’m not sure how to do this without causing someone harm.” He confessed.

“They shouldn’t have put you in this position, it’s unfair. And you don’t have to, Ani. I know it feels like you do but you don’t need to bend to each of the Council’s requests. Whatever the fallout, whatever you choose, please know that I’m with you. And so is Obi-Wan. Not that it fixes anything, but at the very least, you’ll always have us.”

Anakin turned around so he was facing you. “I don’t know what to do.” He whispered, voice laced with hopelessness.

“Trust yourself. You have a good heart, intelligence, and strong morals. They’ve never failed you before.”

He nodded before leaning into you and your arms instinctively wrapped around him. Your fingertips found their way to his hair, gently weaving through the golden strands.

“We’ll get through this, yeah?” While it was a question, you both knew you meant it as a statement.

“We’ll get through this.” Anakin echoed. He mumbled the words into your neck where he had buried his face. As if the words could seep into your skin. As if the hope could find its way to your heart and stay there, ever protected, ever true.

-----

The next day, Anakin found himself in Palpatine’s office. He was wary, guarded. It was evident by the look on his eyes, the way he took a moment before taking another step. It was his training as both a Jedi and a General that allowed him to do this. The careful complexity of planning every move.

“I heard the Council debating whether or not they should have made you a Master. It seems they do not trust you or value your talent as they should.” Palpatine’s words made Anakin freeze. Rationally, he knew this was wrong. At the very least, Obi-Wan trusts him and so do you. But there was a part of him that felt so validated by the Chancellor’s words that he wanted to hear more. To bask in them, in feeling wanted and appreciated. He hated himself for it.

“I… I’m not sure what you mean by this.” Anakin attempted not to give himself away any more than he already has.

“Well, they care about your potential. But they hold you back. They’ll never show you your true power, for they don’t want you to understand. They just wish to use it, no matter your own fate.”

“I feel cast aside. Like I don’t matter.” Anakin wasn’t even sure why he shared these words. Somehow, in feeling so praised, the doubts just bubbled their way to the surface. He felt like a child in these moments, so painfully fragile.

“You don’t. Not to them, Anakin. But with me I can teach you your power. I can teach you the ways of the Dark Side. I know of your fears, of those nightmares that plague you. I know about your secret marriage and how close you are to losing it all.”

Anakin froze, his heart hammering in his chest. His thoughts raced as he tried to piece together the truth from all the lies. The mentions of Darth Plagueis. The Dark Side of the Force.

“You’re the Sith Lord!” Anakin said, igniting his lightsaber and pointing it at the older man’s chest.

Palpatine bowed his head slightly, a small smile gracing his lips. “Well done, my boy.” Anakin felt sick as he noted the pride in his tone. And yet that aching part inside him still swelled, ever so slightly.

“Now, don’t do anything rash.” The Chancellor reasoned. “Only the Dark Side can save the one you love.”

Anakin wanted to do the right thing. He wished to be the one who could stand up and arrest Palpatine without a single ounce of guilt or regret. But as soon as Palpatine mentioned you, it’s like all his logic disappeared. He just wanted to save you, to not fail you as he’d failed his mother. But then he thought back to your words. “Strong morals.” And to his Master’s. “We’ll do this together.”

“I’m turning you into the Council.”

“Wouldn’t you prefer to kill me?”

“Yes.” Anakin’s remark was forceful and clipped with anger.

“Then do it. Give yourself over to your wrath.”

He felt himself burning with betrayal, with resentment toward both sides. Even so, he could still tell right from wrong, selfless from selfish. And whatever Palpatine was doing… it certainly did not have the will of the people in mind. Without so much as deigning him with another response, Anakin turned and walked out of the room.

“If you turn me in, you’ll never save them!” Anakin tried to will Palpatine’s voice out of his head as he ventured back to the Council chambers. When he arrived back, he decided to slightly alter his plans. While he knew he must face all of them eventually, he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan first. Perhaps his Master could give him guidance, like he did about your nightmares.

“General Skywalker… are you alright?” Anakin stumbled as he walked right into another figure, too caught up in his own head.

“I’m fine, Master Windu. Thank you- I’m sorry.” Mace looked at the younger Jedi with an unreadable expression. While there was much in his eyes, concern was definitely a part of it.

“Have you seen Master Kenobi?” Anakin said after a brief pause for composure.

“He’s supposed to leave for his next mission any moment now. If you hurry, you can probably still catch him.”

Anakin thanked Master Windu before taking off in a run. No matter how fast his legs carried him, he felt his mind was working even faster, the internal conflict brewing more intently by the second.

-----

Obi-Wan opened the door as soon as before Anakin could even knock. He looked at Anakin and gestured at a vacant chair, a silent invitation to sit. Anakin shook his head quickly. The younger Jedi’s eyes were scattered and conflicted, as if he’d been shaken to his very core.

“Palpatine is the Sith Lord.” The words came out rushed, yet clear. As if Anakin needed to get them out as quickly as he could but replayed them in his head until they were all he knew. The intensity showed Obi-Wan that there was no doubt in his friend’s mind.

Obi-Wan blinked. “Okay.” He stroked his beard, trying to find the words to say. “Are you alright?”

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan in confusion. Certainly there were more important questions his former Master would want to ask than that.

“I know you and the Chancellor were close. This can’t be easy for you. I just wanted to ask if you were alright.”

“I’m not sure.” Anakin said after some hesitation. “I don’t really know what to think… Palpatine is evil, right? But he believed in me when no one else did. He saw my potential, allowed me to confide in him. He told me he could show me how to save Y/N. Would someone evil do that?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes softened as he looked at the painfully conflicted young man in front of him. “Anakin… he was manipulating you. He was isolating you so you had no one to turn to but him. It was a tactic, a ploy. He doesn’t care for you.” Anakin looked so heartbroken that Obi-Wan knew Anakin believed him. “I’m so sorry.”

“But what about Y/N?” Anakin asked desperately.

Obi-Wan sighed. “Loving someone in the Order isn’t easy. Especially after everything you’ve gone through. And losing someone… it changes the way you love. You fear constantly, wondering when your love will evade you. When it will fall apart, like all the rest. But living like that, loving like that… it leaves no room for growth or peace. And that’s what relationships are for, aren’t they?” His voice was filled with compassion and wisdom. From experience, perhaps? Regardless of the reason, Anakin was reminded that someone did understand him. Despite the circumstances, he felt content. At least a bit.

“Is there any way to save them?”

“I’m not sure. Let’s focus on Palpatine for now, alright? And we’ll bring Master L/N with us so you know they’re safe.” Obi-Wan wished nothing more than having a set solution to save Y/N. But some things were even out of his grasp. “I know this must be impossible for you, Anakin. I truly am sorry.”

Anakin nodded. After all, it was true. If there was anything to describe the impending threat of losing another person he loved, impossible summed up the process. “I know. You’re doing all you can. Thank you, Master. And yes, I would like to bring them with us.”

Obi-Wan clasped a hand to Anakin’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they met each other with a smile. “I’ll send them a message right now.”

----

You gasped when you received Obi-Wan’s message with the details of the Supreme Chancellor’s truth. Your heart cried for Anakin, knowing the betrayal must be breaking him. All you could do was wish that with Obi-Wan’s help, the two of you could support Anakin until he felt like he could breathe again. And you had faith in him. You always had faith in him.

Grabbing your cloak, you jogged to Obi-Wan’s quarters. As soon as you opened the door, you ran to Anakin and hugged him to you, needing to feel his presence. Somehow, you knew he needed it, too.

“Ready?” Anakin and Obi-Wan gave you nods of confirmation and you gave a tentative smile. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

-----

Anakin entered Palpatine’s chambers first. For once, he felt sure of himself. He finally knew what he had to do. His gaze shifted to you, making sure you were alright. You placed a hand on his arm, rubbing your thumb up and down to reassure him. He inhaled. Exhaled. And ignited his saber.

“I knew you’d come back, Skywalker. I knew you’d join me.”

“Think again.” Obi-Wan responded as you and him walked into the chambers. Pure, unfiltered rage flickered through Palpatine’s eyes in response.

“Anakin, they’re trying to corrupt you. They’re trying to keep your power. Come with me, boy, and I’ll teach you all you wish to know. I’ll teach you how to save them.” He said, pointing a pale finger toward your face.

You let out a sharp breath as you suddenly understood Anakin’s conflict. Of course Palpatine was using you as a bargaining chip. Using Anakin’s fear of abandonment, of losing his loved ones against him. It was disgusting, even for a Sith.

“I… you can’t possibly know how to do that. It’s impossible!”

“Not on the Dark Side. Look… Obi-Wan has turned them against you. He’s the cause of this! I’m sure he didn’t even pose a solution to saving Y/N. It’s because he doesn’t care about you, not like I do.”

The shadows returned to Anakin’s eyes as his gaze switched between Obi-Wan and Palpatine. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at you, to see the pain in your eyes as he struggled with a choice that for others would be so simple. He hated himself for being weak but he truly couldn’t fathom losing you.

Obi-Wan stepped forward, backing Palpatine against the wall and pointing his lightsaber at Palpatine’s throat. Anakin stepped back, too frozen to move, and unconsciously placed himself between them and you.

“It’s over, Chancellor. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” Obi-Wan said.

Palpatine shot lightning from his hands, causing Obi-Wan to deflect the matter with his lightsaber, redirecting it to Palpatine himself. As Palpatine shook from the force of his own blast, he once again called to Anakin.

“If you let him kill me, dear boy, Y/N will die. If you don’t try to save them, you will be the cause of their death.”

Anakin’s eyes widened, those words hitting him right in the chest. He moved forward, pointing his lightsaber at Obi-Wan but refusing to make the final cut to end his life. Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to speak but the effort of holding of Palpatine’s lightning rendered him useless. It was Obi-Wan, after all. His former Master, his friend. The one person who he trusted with the secret of his marriage. He couldn’t kill him, right? He faltered, stepping slightly back.

“Ani,” You said, your voice calm as you tried to reason with him. “Ani if you do this, you can’t come back from it. I know you don’t want to lose me and if you kill Obi-Wan, you will, regardless of the fate of my life. You aren’t too far gone, yet. You haven’t done anything irredeemable. Remember who you are, my love.”

Anakin heard your words and looked at your face. You. He wanted to do good by you, to do good by all of them. He wanted to make his mother proud, make himself feel like leaving her for the Jedi Order meant something. And then his gaze filtered over to his friend. Obi-Wan stood tall against the force of Palpatine’s lightning, reminding Anakin of his friend’s strength. It was something Anakin wanted to emulate, too.

Understanding his choice, Anakin took a step forward to position the blade toward Palpatine’s chest. His hand was shaking, movements unsure, eyes glossed over with immeasurable pain. But before he could make contact, you swiftly moved in front of him and killed Palpatine instead. Obi-Wan was thrust backward as the lightning ceased, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

“Why would you do that?” Anakin asked as he looked at you.

“I didn’t want you to have to kill your friend. No matter what he turned out to be.” You said as you shifted on the balls of your feet. The weight of Palpatine’s death now weighed on your soul, as do those of every life you’ve ever ended. You could bear it and you knew Anakin was strong enough to do so, as well. You just didn’t want him to have to.

Anakin nodded and whispered a thank you back to you. You just smiled, the love for him clear in your expression. Anakin turned around, walking to his friend and extending a hand for him.

“I never doubted you.” Obi-Wan said simply as he met Anakin’s guilty eyes.

“I should have made the choice to believe you earlier. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I’m sorry, Master.”

“Look at me, Anakin. We all struggle with our morals. We struggle and we’re unsure and we pray and hope to land on the right decision. And you did. You have nothing to apologize for.” Looking at your and Anakin’s arms around each other, Obi-Wan made one last decision. “How about the two of you retire for the evening? I’ll debrief with the Council, you’ve been through enough.”

Once again, Anakin was struck by the older Jedi’s strength and selflessness. He nodded, as did you, before he accompanied you back to your quarters.

----

You kept one arm around Anakin’s waist the entire way home, mirroring his that was around your shoulders. You couldn’t bear to separate, not after the events of the past few days. Seeing Anakin so torn up inside, it was eating away at you. Knowing you couldn’t save him was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to deal with.

Now, Palpatine was finally gone. There was no more threat to the Jedi Order, the Force once again balanced. But both of you still understood the one solution that hadn't been found: how to save you. It made everything easier, that you chose to kill the Chancellor. Anakin refused to voice the doubts in his head, wondering if he actually would have gone through with it knowing he would lose his chance at saving you.

The air was melancholic surrounding you both. Heavy. Neither of you knew what to say, words failing in a moment that was so conflicted it almost overwhelmed you. But your heart warmed as you saw Anakin scamper in front of you to open and hold the door for you. You loved him so much, for doing the little things even in moments like these. It gave you hope.

You were okay with death, so long as it only affected you. When you joined the Jedi, you had to make your peace with it. But after you fell in love everything changed. You didn’t want Anakin to go through the pain of losing you. He’d been so open with you about, well, everything. Especially his past. He’d gone through so much, felt such raw pain and loss, you didn’t want to add to that.

Taking his hands in yours, you looked into his blue eyes.

“I don’t want you to die.” He whispered, the desperate, deflated tone making your heart break. “I won’t.” You wished to say, but you knew you couldn’t.

“I don’t want to die, either.” You chose these words instead, relying on their honesty.

“Palpatine could have saved you.” Anakin said after a beat.

You sighed. “You don’t know that.” You stated, knowing it wouldn’t change how he felt.

“Neither do you!”

“But at what cost? At the cost of losing your soul? Anakin, you would have had to join the Sith! That’s no longer you! You’re good and you couldn’t have saved me if you were there, don’t you see that?” You pleaded. You wished he would see your logic, the truth behind your words. How even though he thought otherwise, he made the right decision.

“What good is saving the Order if you won’t be a part of it?”

“What good is saving my life if I wouldn’t have you to live it with?” You countered.

Anakin let out an exhausted breath before pulling you into him, hugging you. The fighting was too much and, frankly, he didn’t want to argue. Not with you, not ever. You both let out a humorless chuckle as you leaned into each other.

“I love you.” His tone conveyed it all.

“I love you.” You replied, your voice muffled from being pressed into his robes.

“Can we sleep? I don’t want to face this right now. Can we just put this aside, if just for a moment? Can I lay with you and can you hold me and can we just have each other?” You questioned breathlessly.

“I would like nothing more, my love.” He smiled slightly and pressed a kiss to your head as he added the words of endearment, wanting you to understand he wasn’t upset with you. You already knew that, though. You were in love with Anakin Skywalker. Of course you’d argue from time to time. But at the end of the day, you were two hopelessly in love Jedi just trying to save each other.

Crawling into bed, sleep came for the both of you quickly. You were holding him and he was holding you, tangled together as you nestled his warm embrace. He tucked his face into your neck as you did so and savored the feel of you next to him. Safe.

Drifting off, Anakin tried to fight the pull of sleep, knowing he’d just suffer from another nightmare like he had every day since the first one. One where you’d die and he could do nothing to stop it. Amidst these tumultuous thoughts, his breathing evened, lulling him under.

You were in the grass, a flower crown atop your head. Anakin was leaning against a small house. It was quaint but beautiful. Small, not outwardly flashy, but full of love and meaning. Looking around, he smiled as he saw green vines crawling up the sides of the house, a garden of your favorite flowers out front. You always had a soft spot for that.

We are on Naboo, he realized. It was peaceful. It was the dream you always talked of together. Anakin’s breath caught as he felt the certainty of this dream. It felt just like his nightmares, except this one left him content. He didn’t want to entertain the thought for too long, afraid of jinxing it. But he knew it was prophetic. He wasn’t sure how he changed his fate, what exactly gave him this future. Something inside him just knew that when he wakes up the next morning, all will be okay. He felt infinitely lighter as he understood the threat was gone.

When you looked up and saw him, you raced toward him and jumped into his arms. Anakin stumbled but caught you, breathing in your scent as you kissed the side of his neck. As he held you, his thoughts slightly wandered. But he was grounded by your presence, reminding him that you were safe and he was okay. With you, he was finally, completely, home.

-----

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newswcanonprompts · 4 years ago

Text

Slave Chips + Anakin Angst time

(who tf had this convo? whoever it was, all your body parts are going on the wall. kneecaps = TAKEN for making me fuckin cry)

The conversation started w/ a Anakin has chronic pain because of a very Loud force presence + all the fun stuff that comes from a childhood in slavery and formative years spent as a general in a war, and then talking about high vs low pain perception

And then Yui hops in with this:

what if Slave masters have technology in the slave chips where they can control their slaves pain perception--Low perception for when they work and high for when they get punished.

The jedi didn't know about it, Qui-gon forgot to mention the chip to the Council

and Watto " forgot " to turn it the high pain perception off as a way of getting back at the Jedi for “stealing” his investment

Oh my God what if anakin thinks they know and choose not to turn it off

WHAT IF HE THINKS THAT THEY'RE PUNISHING HIM FOR QUI-GON BEING QUI GON AND FOR THEM BEING FORCED TO TAKE HIM IN SO OLD

AND THAT FEEDS HIS BITTERNESS OF THEM

AND ALSO STOMPS HIS SELF ESTEEM

Because the pain NEVER stops.

So Anakin never says anything

It makes him think that he definitely cannot tell them about any injuries he has unless they make him unfit to work

And Obi-Wan constantly lectures him too and like he's already being punished he doesn't need to be verbally beaten down too

(note that it’s from Anakin perspective, the unreliable narrator of the year--Obi-wan actually has no idea about the chip)

And when he lashes out because it just HURTS and he can't contain it anymore, he’s berated AGAIN

Also, if the pain perception is controlled, that means the slave chip is still there, which makes the thought process he has about being punished for being taken so old even worse

And then, what if Kix one day finds a chip in Anakin's nervous system, he removes it, and Anakin begins crying with relief

And Kix goes "Sir Why WAS THIS TORTURE DEVICE IN YOU?"

He gets injured enough for emergency surgery and Kix finds the chip that way, meanwhile, Anakin can't have anesthesia for medical reasons, so he's dealing with the surgery awake and feels the moment the chip is detached.

WHAT IF ANAKIN IS FAKE NONCHALANT ABOUT IT BECAUSE ANGST

"Ah? Oh they didn't tell you? I thought it'd be in the brief. That's my slave chip. It's supposed to be there. It means they own me." And kix...kix is aghast.

the Jedi are all crying in a corner at the fact they let a CHILD be tortured for YEARS

Because Anakin admitted to a slave chip. Of being owned. And he calls obi-wan Master

Obi-Wan is absolutely devastated because he tortured the child who he was responsible for and he never wanted to do that and oh force, he's a monster (it’s obi wan so like. infinite sadness to the max)

The clones basically become Anakin's mother hens

WHAT IF THIS IS HOW THEY FIND THE CLONE CHIPS TOO

BC KIX GOES "IF THEIR JETII HAS A CHIP...ONE OF THEIR OWN... WHAT ABOUT US CLONES?"

Also the fact so if this is during the Clone Wars: they've sent Anakin in as a soldier without him even knowing he had a right to not fight

The Council decides immediately to take Anakin off the front and get to seeing a mind healer, before collectively drinking an entire bar under the table

Oh God did anyone ever explain to anakin. In depth. That just because they are called "Master" does not mean they own him?

AS A SLAVE, HE WAS ALLOWED HIS THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. HIS MASTERS BEFORE DID NOT OWN HIS MIND. BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE WITH THE JEDI, IN HIS PERSPECTIVE

(again, Anakin’s perspective, the Jedi didn’t actually know. This somehow becomes an eventual fix it lol.)

Like LOGICALLY Anakin knows that Master to them means teacher but he thinks it doesn't apply to him because they won him and he is still a slave

What if that's the reason he kept his marriage to Padme a secret, not because he was afraid of being kicked out of the Order, but because he would be punished for loving a free person?

YEAH BC SLAVES DON'T GET MARRIED AND PADME WAS NOT ONLY A FREEBORN, BUT SHE IS ALSO, IN HIS EYES, SO FAR ABOVE HIS STATION ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

Oh, with the removal of the chip and the pain, Anakin gets high from the huge levels of pain-relieving chemicals his body has been producing for years to compensate.

Anakin living in constant fear of punishments, and that's why he always seems so high strung and on a hair trigger

Like!! This whole thing is a web of miscommunication and assumptions

Anakin assumes that the Jedi and whatever know about the chip and chose to keep it in.

He assumes he is still a slave if not in name, then in status

He assumes the council is constantly punishing him for Qui-Gon essentially forcing them to take him in and for his failure to adhere to their code.

He assumes Obi-Wan feels the same, or perhaps he cannot risk going against the council bc they're his elders and he still loves Obi-Wan, bc he sees that Obi-Wan does care for him

(but not enough to free you, a voice whispers in his head that grows louder every day)

Him talking about things with Palpy, thinking the man would be nice enough to free him...

the entire temple is just full of people drinking and crying over Anakin and Anakin himself is currently the most functional person around, trying to convince everyone it wasn't that bad

He doesn't realize that that makes it so much worse. He's all "Really, compared to my other masters. And to masters I could have gone to... you all were kind. I was lucky."

And they despair.

Because how could they still be given that earnest smile, of beautiful blue eyes, shining still with trust and love, when they tormented him, albeit unknowingly, for over a decade?

Anakin is just very relieved to be pain free, and that they didn't know so it wasn't on purpose.

Anakin: You all treated me so well! I had food and water every day, shelter and good quality clothing. You never beat me and my punishments, while sometimes painful, were done with no tricks without cruelty.

“You’re the best masters I’ve had.”

Mace, upon being told this by a very earnest and 100% honest Anakin, knowing full well how he made life difficult for Anakin and didn't like him much, cleared a whole bar of alcohol on his own

While the Jedi are crying, the 501st is willing to go on a murder spree. The Hutts are DEAD.

Everyone say bye bye Gardulla and Jabba

Anakin is just happy and relieved.

Yes there will be talking. He will have to establish boundaries, the order will need to regain its footing.

But Anakin is free, and he has so much love to give.

And now he knows that they never meant for him to suffer.

And maybe he's still high on being free of pain, but now he knows they genuinely cared for him and none of their kindness was because they wanted him to perform well. They were genuine.

Obi-Wan at one point just breaking down and holding Anakin to his chest and sobbing because how did he fail him so badly

meanwhile Anakin's just like "Master, it's fine, I'm fine. Hey crying wastes water, if you're going to cry over something it's gotta be something more major than this. I mean everything's fine, everything's better than fine now, I'm free."

Anakin not quite processing why everything he says makes Obi-Wan cry harder.

Quinlan must be very glad that he never tried to touch Anakin directly.

Anakin's self-flagellation issues are through the ROOF

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